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Chapter Text

Draco watched in a sick mixture of dawning horror and euphoria as the blood gushed from his thigh. It wasn’t slowing down or stopping. Too deep. The cut was too deep.

The words too deep replayed themselves in Draco’s mind a few times before their gravity set in, and the euphoria started to fade faster than the blood was rushing out of his body. It left a heavy ever-expanding horror swirling in his gut, making him feel sick.

He needed to do something, to take account of what was happening, to stop slipping back into the dark corridors of his mind. Now was not the time to let his eyes glaze over and his body slow down while his mind ticked away restlessly. He couldn’t let himself phase out.

He had cut himself too deep and was now bleeding out of his thigh. He knew that much.

The knife is still in his trembling hand, and it’s soiled with his own thick, disgusting blood. The sight makes him want to retch, and he probably would if he didn’t feel so, so weak.

This wasn’t what was meant to happen. He had just wanted, no, needed relief. That’s it.

Now he was going to need far more than just relief, starting with help. But how was he supposed to get help. Everything felt wrong. Draco couldn’t remember ever being this disoriented in his life.

Is this it?

Pressure. Pressure stops bleeding right? Yes, he remembers that. Draco reached over to the roll of paper towels sitting on the counter of the dingy dungeon bathroom, grabbing a wad of them and jamming them onto the gash.

The boy immediately recoiled, pulling his hand away and gasping. For some reason he hadn’t thought it would hurt, which was obviously stupid, it hurt like hell.

He grabbed more of the towels and tried again, slowly. The brown paper soaked through and turned a dark, ruddy reddish color far quicker than he imagined. There are black spots surrounding the corners of his vision and sounds are muffled.

Draco is going to die. He is going to bleed out on the floor of these disgusting bathrooms, with his trousers pulled partially down just enough to expose the large gash and several shallower cuts on both legs, and it’s all his own fault.

When did he let it get this bad?

Suddenly there was something hard against his side, and after a few beats of confusion he realized it might have been the floor. Then there was a sound, a rhythmic one, pounding towards him quickly. Footsteps? It was most likely footsteps. There was also a muffled yelling, someone shouting, but it was so distant he couldn’t be sure if he was imagining it.

Imagined or not, the voice sounded desperate, and it was getting a little closer.

“-aco, please… get… come on… Draco… stay awake… awake… -ease.”

The sound of the persons words was sporadic, like their voice was fading in and out. Despite this Draco knew concretely that he had heard the words “stay awake”. The voice was definitely male, it was low and deep but soothing and calming. There was an edge to it though, an edge of panic or desperation Draco wasn’t sure, but whatever this edge was, it was sharp enough to cut diamonds.

The more Draco focused on the low, soothing voice the closer it sounded. It was definitely familiar, one he’d heard often. The person whom said voice belonged to was warm and smelled like spicy cologne and parchment and something about it was so familiar. Whoever this was, he was safe.

Where had he heard that voice? Felt this warm, solid presence? Smelled this very distinctive scent?

Oh.

It was Blaise. Of course it was Blaise that would find him bleeding out from his own stupidity. Now his best friend, this steady, solid presence was watching him die.

The icy cold tendrils of the void pulled Draco in, away from Blaise’s grasp, yanking him from safety and familiarity into a plunging, cold darkness. As he slid further away from the damp dungeon bathroom, he was being gnawed at with guilt. Even as the world slipped away and he knew he was dying, he felt so guilty.

Because he was dying. This was it. He couldn’t see, couldn’t feel, and his hearing was nearly completely gone, but vaguely he registered that his body was still limp in Blaise arms, and for that he hoped he’d suffer in his afterlife.

Then everything was gone.

An awful, choked sob wrenched its way from Blaise’s throat as he felt the slow thump in Draco’s chest stop.

After that everything felt fuzzy, like Blaise’s body was being operated by a machine while he hid away deep inside his mind, only half aware of his surroundings.

Theo bursted back into the room with Snape in tow, obviously trying desperately to hold himself together but failing. Snape was talking, but Blaise wasn’t listening. The only thing he could see or feel was the worryingly light, limp, lifeless body in his arms.

Snape gently pulled the body away from him. He refused to think of the body as Draco, because Draco was snarky and annoying as hell but he was a person and he was alive. To think of the body as Draco would be to acknowledge that he was dead.

There were other people in the room, so many people. They were crowding the body, pressing on its chest, casting spells on it. He could not pull his eyes away from the body.

But then there was a slight pressure on Blaise’s shoulder. He looked to his side to see Theo, shaking hard and looking nearly as shocked as Blaise himself. Theo didn’t say anything, but he latched onto Blaise’s bicep and gently guided them both through the door.

Theo was in shock, but it wasn’t anything compared to how Blaise looked. He and Blaise had walked into the dungeon bathrooms to search for Draco, as it was nearly time for dinner, but upon their arrival he was lying on his side, blood pouring from a deep cut on his left thigh and eyes fluttering closed. Next to him had lain a knife, and it was clear how the cut was sustained.

Theo had run off to find a teacher. When he returned with Snape, Blaise was clutching Draco’s lifeless form in shaking arms. He’d looked so desperate, terrified, shocked, and devastated at once. That image would be burned into Theo’s mind forever. Draco was gone. Shit, no what was he doing. Focus. One thing at a time.

The first thing he had to worry about was Blaise. Now that he’d gotten the both of them out of the bathroom, Blaise didn’t even seem to be present anymore. He was standing stock still, mouth parted and eyes wide in never ending horror. Theo choked out his name a few times but got no response. Was he disassociated?

Theo’s knees felt too weak to support him, and he let himself slide down the wall a small distance from the bathroom door, gently taking Blaise’s hand and guiding him down as well. He went without resistance, but still did not react or respond.

This was too much. Draco was dead, and now Blaise was just not answering. Theo didn’t know what to do. so he pulled his knees up to his chest and scooted slightly closer to his unresponsive friend, so their arms were pressed against each other.

He didn’t know what to do, so he sat there. He waited, but Blaise didn’t respond and nobody came out of that bathroom. He waited for what felt like hours, like an entire eternity plus some extra, and still nothing. Theo rested his forehead on his knees, praying that the strong arm against his would move soon.

Chapter Text

Theo didn’t remember falling asleep, or even being tired, but at some point he must have because someone was gently rousing him.

“Theo, please wake up.”

The voice was far softer and hoarser than usual but it was still obviously Blaise. Theo lifted his head up quickly, immediately blinking rapidly once the light started hurting them. He had an awful headache.

Blaise was staring at him with something far different than his normal intensity. His eyes weren’t narrowed at all, they were soft and vulnerable and teary. His devastation was obvious, but he still wasn’t crying, and his jaw was clenched tight as if he was putting a major effort into not letting the tears fall.

He wanted to respond to Blaise, to ask if he was okay, to wrap an arm around his shoulders and reassure them both, but his body felt heavy and sleep still clouded his mind. The image of his two best friends, one dead and one looking completely broken would not leave his mind.

“He’s not dead.”

“What?”

Clearly Blaise had lost it, because Draco had clearly been dead. His drowsiness was fading fast, but his body still felt like lead, and there was a pit in his stomach and it felt so deep that it hurt.

“Draco’s not dead, they just brought him to the hospital wing.”

Blaise’s voice was quiet, but certain. The issue was that Theo was also pretty certain that Draco had just bled out.

He cringed at the harshness of his own internal dialogue. Saying he died already sounded harsh, but bled out was salt in the wound.

“I don’t understand,” Theo said slowly.

It felt like everything was moving too slow, and all he could feel was the crushing grief that was hitting him harder and harder.

“He’s not okay, but for now he’s safe.”

This wasn’t helping. Blaise was not helping. What the hell is going on?

“No, he died, I saw.”

“You don’t think I know that?” Blaise’s tone was suddenly harsher and snappish. “Obviously I know that! I was the one holding him.”

Theo couldn’t help but flinch back slightly at the harshness. Tears pricked his eyes and a lump formed in his throat. So first the young Zabini’s claim was that Draco was alive, but now he knows that the blond died in his arms? It didn’t make any sense, and suddenly he didn’t feel protected by the presence of his remaining best friend.

Then, just as quickly as the anger that had caused him to snap appeared, it melted away.

“Oh, hey don’t, fuck i’m so sorry,” now Blaise’s tone was choked, no longer angry, and it still didn’t make sense.

Struggling to force words through the lump in his throat, Theo choked out, “I don’t understand.”

“His heart stopped, but they revived him. He’s in bad shape, but he’s stable. Snape said they think he’s going to be alright. I was going to wake you up so you could hear it, but you looked like you were in pain even asleep so I decided against it.”

That was a lot to unpack. Draco’s alive, they think he’ll be alright, there’s no way he can hide his killer headache from Blaise now, and that was quite possibly the longest uninterrupted string of dialogue he has ever heard from him.

He decided to focus on the first part; Draco is alive and they think he’ll be okay. How does one even respond to that?

Theo was confused, and his head hurt so bad that everything felt fuzzy and confusing. Shapes were blurry, though that could just be from the salty liquid pooling in his eyes that he refused to let run down his face.

Given his current confused and disoriented state, he did what everyone in their small friend group did when they felt lost. He looked to Blaise.

The other slytherin didn’t actually look like he was much better off. Despite his sizable height, he looked small, shoulders hunched slightly like he was trying to shrink into himself. His dark skin was also ashen looking, a stark contrast from its typically perfectly glowing appearance.

Both boys were known, like many others of their house, to be stoic, noble, strong, practically unshakeable. Right now though, they weren’t so regal looking, instead, for maybe the first time since they were small, their outward appearance reflected the souls of two teenage boys struggling to process what they had seen and what they felt. They never were good with emotion.

Feeling lost, the pair sat with their backs still against the wall for a period of time neither knew. Despite the knowledge of Draco’s survival, they could still feel the pit of grief sitting low in their guts.

For Blaise this grief was accompanied by guilt. He should have noticed something was wrong. He did notice something was wrong, actually, but it didn’t seem this serious. Didn’t seem bad enough for Draco to… do… that.

Brisk footsteps broke the young Zabini from his thoughts, and if the slight flinch he felt against his arm was anything to go by, broke Theo out of his as well.

Dumbledore rounded the corner, his robes flowing elegantly behind him, eyes twinkling with kindness. He looked the exact same as always, like everything was okay. Like everything was normal, and Blaise felt bile in the back of his throat. Nothing was okay, or normal.

“Ah, Mr Zabini, Mr Nott, Professor Snape informed me that I may find you two here.” Dumbledore nodded cordially to both boys. “I’ve come to inform you that is two hours past curfew,  I understand that what you have experienced is traumatic, but I must ask that you at least try to get some rest. Unfortunately for now Mr Malfoy is not allowed any visitors, but I will be sure to inform the two of you when that changes. You are both excused from class tomorrow. Good night boys.”

With that, Dumbledore strode back around the corner, light grey robes disappearing before either teen could begin to ask away the flurry of questions they had.

For a moment Blaise continued to sit there numbly as he slowly processed the headmasters words.

Once everything he had said clicked into place, things made sense again. Dumbledore politely telling them to return to their dorms gave Blaise a goal, something to begin working on. A foundation. He could figure this out, and besides he had Theo, and Draco wasn’t okay but he was alive and maybe, just maybe, he could fix everything.

Step one, get himself and Theo back to their dorm. That was simple enough if he tried not to think of anything else. One step at a time, he thought.

He slowly stood up, taking a moment to try and wake up his stiff limbs before looking back down at Theo.

His heart dropped a little further.

Theo looked like a wreck, of course, he probably did too, but he was willing to bet Theo was in worse shape than him right now. He’d never seen the shorter boy look this vulnerable, his eyes were wide and bloodshot and dripping with tears that Theo probably didn’t even realize he was shedding. His paler than usual face was scrunched slightly, in some sort of pain, and his bottom lip was bleeding where his teeth had sunk through the delicate skin.

Cautiously, Blaise lowered a hand to Theo’s level.

“C’mon mate, let’s head to the dorm,” Blaise murmured softly.

His voice was hoarse and soft, but had regained its certainty, much to his (and Theo’s) relief.

Almost robotically, Theo took Blaise’s hand and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. Immediately his hand shot out to the wall as his headache seemed to worsen tenfold and vertigo hit him like a train. Headaches like this were very uncommon for him, but he supposed that given the circumstances it made sense.

As the vertigo began to calm a bit, Theo became aware of a warm, grounding hand on his shoulder. He turned his attention in front of him, where surprisingly unguarded and warm brown eyes were looking at him with concern.

“My head really hurts Blaise.”

“That’s to be expected, really. C’mon, let’s get you to bed.”

Now that was ridiculous, did Blaise seriously expect him to be able to sleep?

“There’s no way we’re sleeping.”

Blaise sighed heavily, knowing that Theo was right. Sleep would be difficult for the both of them right now, but rest was important, and judging by his slight swaying, Theo’s body agreed.

“I know but we can still try to rest okay?”

Theo nodded and hummed weakly in response, half dragging himself and half being dragged down the hallway and to the entrance of the common room. He vaguely heard Blaise whisper the password before he was being pulled up the stairs to the room that the two boys along with Draco shared.

Theo wanted nothing more but to collapse into his bed the moment they arrived. That was until he saw Draco’s empty bed, neatly made without a wrinkle in the covers as per usual. Then he just felt like he was going to be sick.

The grounding arm around his shoulder tightened a little, and next to him he heard Blaise force in a shaky breath.

“Okay, go, get changed, brush your teeth.”

Somehow Blaise’s voice was steady but not harsh. The man really was a master of his own emotions, unlike Theo at the moment, who was standing there stupidly, teetering on the edge of breaking under the pressure of so many emotions.

“Theo..?”

And there it went.

Theo felt his knees grow too weak to support his weight, and he allowed himself to sink to the floor, crumpling completely onto the carpeted flooring. Sobs began to wrack through his body, only worsening the headache, which made him cry more, and soon enough he couldn’t stop.

Guilt, sadness, fear, and desperation crashed into him all at once. He also felt bad because Blaise was keeping it together, so why couldn’t he? But he couldn’t.

I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t-

“Oh Theo.”

And the voice that spoke was so shaky and sad that he almost wasn’t sure it was actually Blaise until his friend was kneeling next to him and he could smell his spicy cologne.

All he could hear was his own sobs for a while as Blaise rubbed his back in careful, almost absentminded circles. As he began to calm enough to reduce the wracking sobs to hiccups, he became aware of another sound, a much quieter crying.

Blaise was crying.

Blearily, Theo forced his heavy head up to look at  his best friend, who was using the hand not rubbing his back to stifle the sound of his crying.

Every instinct was screaming at him to help, but he didn’t know how. He felt helpless, so instead he rolled over into a more comfortable position, so he was no longer on top of his legs.

“How can I help?” Theo croaked out to Blaise.

The boy in question made a sound that was supposed to be a laugh but sounded more like a broken sob.

“Jus’ try and get some sleep, Theo.”

Blaise’s voice sounded so unsteady that Theo didn’t want to give into the pounding in his head and the heaviness of his eyelids, but at the end of the day he couldn’t help it. All of his crying had exhausted him further, and a few straggling tears escaped his eyes as he cried himself to sleep on the floor.

Chapter Text

When Draco awoke only things he could sense were blinding light and distant, muffled voices. It felt like he couldn’t move, and although he could see shockingly vibrant white light he couldn’t tell whether his eyes were open or not.

The muffled voices seemed to be getting closer, and he could move slightly more, but it hurt. His entire body ached, mostly his thigh which felt limp and hot and agonizingly painful.

Draco couldn’t help but writhe a little with a  panicked groan as he remembered what he did, and what had happened in that bathroom. Was he dead?

Suddenly was a weight on his chest, and not the heavy, crushing one he’d been feeling for months now, no, this was an actual pressure right in the center of his chest. It was firm and grounding without suffocating him or making him feel trapped, helping him to relax a little.

As he relaxed he was unfortunately becoming more aware of the pain in his leg, but he also the noises around and the shadows moving in the blinding light.

“There you go, keep relaxing, can you hear me?”

He wasn’t able to see whoever was speaking very clearly, she just appeared as a large, bleary figure, but the voice was a woman’s and she sounded friendly and soothing, so Draco tried his best to answer, only managing another groan.

“Erm… Alright, can you try and squeeze my hand if you can hear me?”

A warm hand slipped into his, and he squeezed it weakly. His vision was clearing, and while the woman still appeared blurry, Draco could make out that she was tall and had dark brown hair and amber colored eyes with slightly tanned skin. Everything about her looked warm and comforting and helped put the distressed blonde at ease.

“Alright Mr Malfoy, i’m glad you can hear me, that’s a good sign. I am healer Sullin, and you’re at St. Mungos, you were transported here after you cut an artery in your leg.”

With this sentence the panic was suddenly back, Draco writhed on the bed again, and the beeping that he hadn’t previously heard sped up slightly. Did she think he tried to kill himself? Was he going to be sent to some sort of psychiatric ward? He wasn’t crazy, he wasn’t suicidal, she had to know that!

He was trying desperately to let her know but the words got caught in his throat and his tounge felt limp and heavy. He whined pitifully in distress as he began panting, which he would no doubt be embarrassed about later, when he was in a better state.

the healer hushed him gently, “Shh, you’re alright, it’s okay, try to calm down love.”

“i-it was-s ‘n ac-cident ‘m n-not c-crazy p-ple-ease,” Draco gasped out in frantic hiccups and sobs. He tried desperately to repeat the phrase to the healer like a mantra, it was all he could think about but the words were stuck in his throat and the lights were getting dimmer again.

———————————————

The greenish, early morning light filtering through the windows of the slytherin dormitories woke Theo from his fitful sleep, dragging a rough groan from his throat.

Beside him, Blaise flinched slightly at the sudden, low noise. He, unlike his friend, had not been able to get any sleep at all. Instead, he had lain awake for hours. At first he cried, which to his immense shame Theo witnessed. But after that he was left with a void of numbness and emptiness. He felt like a failure as a friend, it wasn’t like their small group was overly affectionate under normal circumstances. They preferred smaller gestures or shows of affection purely to keep up their pristine reputations. Despite this, Blaise still tried to keep an eye on all of his friends, make sure they ate, slept, stayed alive and such. And yet he hadn’t noticed. Draco sliced his leg open in a bathroom because whatever he was going through was so much that he felt he had to, and he hadn’t even noticed something was wrong. On top of neglecting Draco’s obvious struggles, he had broken down  in front of Theo right when his friend had needed his support the most.

Another deep groan followed by a sharp breath shook Blaise from his thoughts. Glancing down to his right he saw Theo stretching deeply on the floor, wincing slightly. His brown eyes fluttered open, looking almost amber as they reflected the light.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion for a moment as he looked up at Blaise, unable to remember why he was on the floor. They furrowed even more when he saw his friend’s tear stained face, dark eyes downcast and red rimmed.

He was only granted a few moments of this blissful ignorance before his brain supplied him with the memories of the previous day.

Before he could dwell, there was a sharp knock on the door. Both boys flinched rather hard, Theo accidentally letting out a soft gasp.

Blaise stood quickly, wincing slightly as he forced his stiff legs into movement. He was desperate for more information on the situation. Wasting no time, he pulled the door open, feeling the wave of self consciousness hitting him too late. He probably looked like a mess, face covered in dried tears, eyes red and swollen.

Theo craned his neck a bit, spotting professor Snape standing in the doorway as Blaise moved to let him in. He looked perfectly normal. Well, as normal as he gets anyways. There was no visible changes to his pale face, dark eyes, or greasy hair, a sharp contrast to the two teenagers, who both looked uncharacteristically disheveled.

“Mr Zabini, Mr Nott.” Snape nodded cordially.

His voice was slightly softer than usual, but still cold and void of emotion.

“As promised, I have come to update you on the situation regarding Mr Malfoy. Mr Malfoy has been transported to St. Mungos until his condition is stabilized and improved. During this time visiting is family only-“

“Wait, but they have to let us visit, we’re his best mates!” Theo cut in, sounding panicked.

Snape glared at him coldly for a moment before continuing.

“During this time visiting is family only. He should be transferred back to Hogwarts within the week, at that point you will be able to visit.”

“Wait but don’t they have to put him in some sort of… psych ward or something? Don’t they usually do that when someone-“ Theo’s panicked questions were cut for the second time with a cold glare.

“It has been confirmed by Mr Malfoy that this was not a suicide attempt. To answer your question Nott, he is currently isolated from his peers and other patients, but will not be sent to a psychiatric facility.”

“Not a suicide attempt? Professor, you can’t possibly believe that! He cut his-“ This time it was Blaise who questioned his head of house.

“If anything changes, you two will be informed. Seeing as today is Friday, you may both be excused from classes, but I expect to see you both on Monday.”

Snape strode out of the room directly after his statement, leaving no room for further questions.

Slowly, Theo turned to face Blaise, who appeared to be deep in thought. His mind felt foggy and frazzled, like the puzzle pieces of his mind weren’t lining up quite right. He needed time to think, and if he knew anything about his friend, so did Blaise.

“I’m going to erm, clean up a bit, have a shower and stuff.”

Theo informed Blaise, who looked over at him and nodded. While the action was small, the absolute bare minimum of a response, the clarity in the taller boys dark eyes was relieving. He was struggling, both of them were, but they were present.

Chapter Text

The next few days seemed to stretch to ages for Blaise Zabini and Theodore Nott. Both continued their efforts of remaining mentally there for each other and so they would be ready to support Draco whenever he returned to Hogwarts. Eventually the weekend ended and both boys were forced to return to their normal classes.

For Blaise, classes were a welcomed return to normalcy. They provided an escape of sorts, something to focus on. He liked the steady routine of waking up and going to classes and quidditch practice, it was comforting and familiar and controllable.

For Theo, classes were quite the opposite. He couldn’t focus on schoolwork when he was busy thinking and worrying about his friend, dwelling on all the signs he missed. The empty seat next to him was a constant reminder that Draco wasn’t here. Quidditch practice was a struggle, Flint had chosen a third year boy as a temporary replacement seeker, but he didn’t work as well with the other players as Draco had. Instead of his routine feeling normal and comforting it just felt wrong.

————-

While Draco’s family had been allowed to visit him while he was in the hospital, they didn’t. They had chosen not to risk leaving the manor for fear of being questioned by the dark lord. Instead they had sent him a generic sounding letter, saying they loved him and are glad he’s alright now, wishing him to get well soon and at the very end demanding him to keep this a secret from the dark lord.

While he could sort of understand why they did it, he couldn’t help the bitterness he felt. Draco was fairly certain that had his father allowed her, his mother would have come to see him in a heartbeat, or at the very least written a more genuine sounding letter. However, he’d seen the control that his father exercised over his mother before, and it was fairly clear that that was happening in this circumstance as well.

Filthy coward.

However, this had allowed Draco a few days to clear his mind and think. It was a chance to fully process his actions and what had happened, and by the end of it, he couldn’t even look at his leg without guilt swirling in his gut and crawling up his throat, suffocating him and making it hard to breathe.

He felt awful for doing this to his friends, for making Blaise and Theo practically watch him die of something that at the time did not look like an accident. He still hadn’t seen them ,and although he’d never admit it to the idiots, he missed them. He missed them a lot. He missed Theo’s humor and the way he always managed to make a situation seem light. He missed Blaise’s rationale and the way he was able to calm everyone down and make it seem as if everything they had to overcome was manageable. The presence of his friends was undeniably comforting, and he missed it.

That being said, the prospect of seeing them was terrifying. Perhaps they didn’t even want to see him, perhaps they saw how fucking broken and pathetic he is and decided he wasn’t worth the time. He wouldn’t blame them.

And even if they did see him, surely they’d have questions about why he cut himself. Maybe scold him on cutting so deep. Or worse, they’d shower him in false sympathies and pity.

Draco was so deeply entranced by his thoughts that he didn’t even realize that Healer Sullin had entered the room. He jumped when she cleared her throat, wincing slightly at the shock of pain it caused through his still aching leg.

“Good afternoon Mr Malfoy, how are you feeling today?”

“Fine.”

Her voice was soothing without sounding overly, sickeningly, disgustingly sweet. His voice was flat and hoarse. It was the exact same as yesterday, and the day before that. He refused speak more, he didn’t want to speak more, he didn’t want to speak at all.

Healer Sullin gave him a small smile that looked so strained and forced that he wondered why she even bothered.

“Glad to hear it, i’ve come to check up on you and inform you that you will return to Hogwarts tomorrow morning. Your leg will still be in pain but is healed enough to return. If you’d rather stay here for a few more days to rest longer that is also fine. The decision is yours.”

Draco hesitated, he definitely wanted to get out of this room, out of this place where the lights were too bright and everything felt cold and unfamiliar, but if he left then he’d be forced to see everyone and talk to them and oh fuck she still needs an answer she’s staring at him and he hasn’t even said anything.

Ultimately his desire to get out of this room trumped his desire to be left to wallow in his own misery.

“I’ll go back.”

“Wonderful, see you tomorrow then, we’ll be flooing back at eight sharp.”

Merlin what did he just agree to.

——————

Wednesdays, in Theo’s eyes, were undeniably the worst day of the week, so when he was awoken on Wednesday morning to Blaise repeatedly shaking his arm he was understandably irritated. He was even more irritated when a quick glance at the window told him it wasn’t even fully light out yet.

“‘S too early mate, piss off.,” He mumbled sleepily.

“Get up.”

Blaise’s voice was unexpectedly demanding. His voice was usually firm, but it seemed to have more of an edge than usual, rousing Theo from his half awake state.

Theo hummed in annoyance and confusion as he sat up, turning to Blaise to avoid the taunts of the empty bed across from him.

Blaise had now taken a couple steps back from his bed, staring harshly at Theo with his arms folded across his chest. His jaw was clenched tight and his left hand was clenched so tightly around his right bicep that it looked painful. Theo paused, stiffening slightly.

“Something wrong?” He asked apprehensively.

“Not necessarily.”

Blaise’s voice still had that slight edge to it, the edge he got whenever he was struggling to keep his face blank and emotions in check.

“Well get on with it then.”

“Snape has just stopped by to inform us that Draco arrive in the hospital wing at eight. We are to go to class and not stop by. He should be back in the dorm by the time class is out.”

“Seriously?” Theo questioned excitedly.

Blaise just gave him a stern look that clearly conveyed he wasn’t joking. The tightness in his jaw and rigidness in his posture remained.

“But that’s good!”

Theo couldn’t help the smile creeping across his face despite the small feeling of apprehension still curled in his gut. Something about the tension in Blaise’s figure was keeping him from completely rejoicing.

Blaise merely hummed quietly and nodded.

“Alright so why do you still look like that?” Theo asked, admittedly lacking a tactful approach.

“Like what?” Blaise’s response wasn’t quite a snap, but it was certainly close, which surprised Theo a bit. Clearly something was stressing him out if he was so tense despite good news and nearly making snappy replies to a simple question, which was out of character for him.

“Like… tense.”

Blaise scoffed a little too harshly to actually sound indifferent.

“I am not, and you can go back to sleep now, I just thought you’d like to know.”

“Blaise-“

“Just go back to sleep, i’m going to shower.”

With that, Blaise hurried into the dorm bathroom and borderline slammed the door.

What the bloody hell was that?

Draco would be back in the dorms after classes, and they’d get to see him and talk to him again, that was a good thing! So why was Blaise so worked up? Especially because it was Blaise and Blaise was very, very composed all the time. Not that he had necessarily lost his composure, but he was irritable and clearly distressed if you know what to look for. So what’s wrong?

Theo couldn’t help but feel like he should check up on Blaise, but truth be told, he was a little scared to do so. He’d never really seen Blaise get mad before, but he was pretty sure it wouldn’t be pretty.

Despite being excited to see Draco and thinking hard about what was wrong with Blaise, it was still very early in the morning, probably four thirty at the latest. The early hour and warmth of his thick bedcovers lulled him back into a surprisingly peaceful sleep.

When his alarm woke him up at six thirty, he reluctantly drug himself out of bed and stretched, turning to head into the bathroom only to see that the door was shut. Was Blaise still in there from earlier? How long had it been?

Now that he was more awake, he was slightly more apprehensive about seeing Draco later today. While he was definitely looking forward to seeing his friend again, it was dawning on him that things weren’t going to just be exactly the same. Draco almost died.

The guilt was back, but not to the soul-crushing, suffocating degree. He should have noticed that something was wrong with Draco, and now he’d make amends to that. He’d be sure to keep him safe.

Actually, he should keep all of his friends safe, starting with the one who had apparently been locked in the bathroom for close to two hours. Plus, there was no telling how much longer he planned on staying locked in the room, and Theo actually did need to get in there sooner or later.

He slowly shuffled over to the door, still a bit groggy and worried about the state he would find Blaise in. After all a bathroom is where they found Draco when he-

No, focus on Blaise Theo, make sure he’s okay.

He knocked softly on the bathroom door, not wanting to startle his friend by banging on it too hard.

“Erm… Blaise? You alright?”

There was a bit of shuffling inside, before a rough, voice called back.

“Yeah, sorry, ‘m almost out.”

Theo hesitated, moving to walk away but still feeling like something was off. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants before trying again, unable to shake his unease.

“Are… are you sure you’re alright?”

The beat of silence on the other side of the door was more telling than any words Blaise could use to explain his situation.

“Yes, of course i’m alright, just lost track of time is all.”

Fed up, Theo finally banged the door lightly with the heel of his right hand.

“Cut the shit mate, I know something’s not right.” Theo tried to make his tone firm but not accusing, although he wasn’t sure he quite succeeded in either.

There was a wet sounding sniff from inside the bathroom, it sounded an awful lot like Blaise was crying, though Theo had the sense not to mention it.

He knew Blaise had always struggled with expressing emotions and being vulnerable with other people, even those that were close to him. This was apparent from the time that they met in first year, when it was immediately obvious that the young Zabini was even more closed off and guarded than the others in their house.

And Blaise was indeed struggling to express his emotions right now. He was kneeling on the middle of the hard bathroom tile, face buried in his hands as he prayed Theo couldn’t hear his disgusting sniveling. It was, in his opinion, repulsive really, for him to be crying out of fear and then sheer frustration with himself like a small child or someone who had no decorum or control over themselves.

But somehow he couldn’t help it, he was just so fucking angry and terrified that he could feel his hands shaking as he pressed the heels of his palms into his streaming eyes. He was scared that when Draco came back he’d be angry at Blaise for not realizing something was wrong sooner. Or maybe he wouldn’t talk to him at all, which was definitely worse. Or maybe there’d be a permanent rift in their friendship caused by Blaise’s inability to handle the situation because what the bloody hell do you even say to somebody that nearly killed themselves? What if things were never the same? The thought was enough to bring more tears to his eyes.

This is what he’d been doing for the past two hours, thinking too hard about what was going to happen when he saw Draco, freaking out as his mind provided terrible scenarios, hating himself for freaking out, feeling guilty for dwelling on his own self hatred when he still needed to plan what to say to Draco, freaking out more, crying, hating himself again. It was like an iron cage reinforced with thick, obsidian walls that he just couldn’t break through no matter how hard he tried.

Theo was truly at a loss, obviously something was wrong with Blaise, and obviously Blaise was silently crying in the bathroom, and judging by the fact that he still hadn’t opened the door, it wasn’t looking like this issue was going to resolve itself.

With a small sigh, the young Nott lowered himself to the ground, leaning his back against the doorframe. If Blaise wouldn’t talk, he would, and the only way that Blaise was going to feel comfortable enough to show even a smidgen of vulnerability was if Theo did it first, so as much as he didn’t want to, he started talking.

“You know what Blaise? I’m actually a bit scared to see Draco again. There’s a lot of things that could go wrong. Hell, he may not even want to talk to us.” He paused for a moment, taking in the tense silence.

“But then again, we’ve known him for so long, I doubt this is going to change everything forever. Things may be different at first, maybe a little awkward, I don’t think either of us really know how to handle this situation, but I think at the end of the day, we’re all going to be okay, he’s going to be okay, we’ll keep him safe from now on.”

For a while Blaise was still silent, until it was finally broken by the familiar click of the door unlocking.

The taller boy finally emerged from the bathroom with slightly puffy eyes, which Theo chose not to comment on.

“Whatever, bathrooms all yours,” he mumbled as he hurried back to the direction of his bed.

Theo scoffed as he slowly stood back up. It would have been nice to get a deeper response after he practically poured his heart out like that, but the response was about what he expected. Not that he really blamed his friend, he knew how hard it was for even himself to deal with emotions, and he was probably best at it out of the three of them.

Classes were hard for the pair, both found themselves distracted and anxious all day. Mcgonagall had scolded Theo in front of the class for zoning out the entire time, and Pansy Parkinson had lightly teased Blaise for the obvious tension radiating through his body. Though, she had followed it up with rubbing his shoulders and biceps for a moment, which he pretended to hate because obviously he had to keep up appearances, but if he was honest with himself it was oddly soothing.

Pansy had also asked for an update on Draco’s current state, which had surprised a bit, because he genuinely hadn’t thought she’d care. Parkinson had been known to spend time around the three of them, but they were never close on a personal level. Their conversations qualified as little more than small talk, never straying into territory that was too personal or uncomfortable.

Even more surprising, after Blaise had informed the girl that he was returning today, she expressed a desire to visit him whenever he was ready.

At first Blaise was hesitant, but something about the sparkle in her dark brown eyes told him she had genuinely good intentions. So, he promised he’d let her know when he was ready to see her. And then he’d sneered at her for the delicate smile that crossed her lips because of course, appearances.

Eventually, the long day of classes was finally coming to a close. They could see him. Theo hurried out of the herbology greenhouse and saw Blaise leaning against a nearby tree.  At first glance it looked casual, but a closer inspection showed that the hand Blaise was pretending to inspect was shaking.

Theo bid goodbye to the Ravenclaw boy he had reluctantly partnered up with and walked hurriedly up to Blaise. In his anxiety induced haste, he tripped on a branch, nearly falling. Blaise didn’t even snicker.

He regained his footing and inhaled shakily inhaled, looking up into Blaise’s dark, worried eyes. He suddenly felt very vulnerable, with no real reason, and he had to restrain himself from whining about how scared he was and how his heart was beating so hard it hurt. He had to restrain himself for begging the stoic boy next to him for reassurance, or from flinging himself around his warm, solid body until everything felt okay again.

“Ready?”

It was a question simple in nature, but painfully complicated in this situation.

“As i’ll ever be.”

With that, they strode off toward the castle. Towards Draco

Chapter Text

The dorm seemed eerily quiet and still as Draco sat uneasily on the edge of his bed. The only sounds were the faint rustle of fabric as his now completely healed leg bouncing unconsciously and the gentle white noise of the lake against the window.

Theo and Blaise would be back any minute and Draco’s anxiety was growing with each lonely second that passed. He was unsure of how they would react, and his mind was only supplying him with progressively more dreadful ideas as the minutes ticked on.

When he was certain he couldn’t be any more stressed out without curing into a shaking, hyperventilating ball, the doorknob was turning, and his stomach mirrored it.

Draco’s body tensed as Theo nervously shuffled into the room, followed by a deceptively calm looking Blaise, who was given away only by the hand that was holding his book bag just a little too tightly.

Theo seemed to have been glued to the spot, standing and nearly gaping at Draco, who felt his insides squirm uncomfortably. Blaise had a far different approach. He simply slid past Theo and walked to his bed, setting his bag down, pulling off his school robes and promptly hanging them neatly. Didn’t he usually just throw those on his chair and deal with them later? This was wrong, and Theo was still staring at him, opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water. It made him more uncomfortable than he’d been in that disgustingly pristine white hospital bed.

Without him realizing, his leg had started to bounce again, the movement quick enough to startle Theo out of whatever stupor he’d been in.

“Good to see you again Draco.” Theo said stiffly.

His voice was strained and wrong, so, so wrong. Everything that was happening was so wrong and it made his heart pound impossibly faster and Draco felt like crying. For the first time since the incident, he truly, genuinely wished for a moment that he hadn’t been revived after he died. He wished he really died. It scared him.

It scared him nearly as much as thinking about all the pain he put his friends through, and it scared him more than the thought that nothing would be the same ever again and it was all his fault. Something hot and wet dripped onto his hand, but he couldn’t remember when he started crying.

Something slammed into him from his side, and then there was a set of warm, solid arms around his shaking torso. Draco gasped slightly in surprise, the inhale bringing in a smell of cologne, deodorant and a faint trace of sweat.

“Get off of me you bloody idiot.” His voice cracked embarrassingly as he weakly pushed away from Theo’s hug to no avail. Theo just let out something between a laugh and a sob and squeezed him tighter.

Somehow with his face being uncomfortably smashed into his friends shoulder and his ribs being squeezed tight enough to bruise, Draco’s body relaxed completely, going slack against Theo. He wasn’t aware of anything except for the horrible sobs wracking his body, muffled as he hid his face in the safety of his friends embrace.

After some time had passed the sobs were subsiding, embarrassment creeping under Malfoys skin. He realized that not only was Theo practically holding him as if he were a lost child seeking its mother’s comfort, there was a weight behind him and a hand slowly rubbing his back. Presumably, the hand belonged to Blaise.

He pulled away from Theo suddenly, overwhelmed with humiliation and cleared his throat, which oddly enough elicited a small chuckle from behind him.

Draco whipped around, to see Blaise struggling to hold in his laughter.

“Think my suffering is funny, do you?” He snapped with no real bite.

The interaction seemed so usual that all three boys relaxed slightly. Things weren’t alright, but they hadn’t changed.

———————————

The fire in the common room was beginning to die by the time Blaise finally had the decency to show his face near Pansy. She’d been searching to catch a glimpse of Zabini or Nott since classes had ended, admittedly worried for Draco and knowing his return was today.

Zabini walked slowly into the common room, looking uncharacteristically exhausted. Pansy folded her arms over her chest, frowning at him and glaring from her seat near the fire. He momentarily hesitated when he caught sight of her, before straightening up and managing to wipe most of the exhaustion from his expression. He strode over, laying his forearms over the back of the armchair across from her, leaning over it slightly.

“Need something, or am I really just that nice to look at?”

His voice was so arrogant that it was, in her opinion, absolutely infuriating. If she wasn’t already annoyed from her anxiety and because it was far past her bedtime, she most certainly was now, and she had no intentions of masking it.

“Do I need something? I don’t know Zabini, what could I possibly be seeking from you at this hour on the day in which your best friend has finally returned and nobody has bothered to give me any sort of information despite previously telling me they would?”

“Well, my dorm isn’t empty but there is a broom closet-“

Pansy shrieked, the high pitched noise wreaking havoc on Blaise’s tired ears and causing the few people left in the room to pause their studying and look over.

“You’re absolutely disgusting, I thought people just had the wrong idea about you, but you don’t care that i’ve been waiting and worrying for Draco, I can see that now.”

Her words hung heavily in the air for a few moments before Blaise scoffed.

“Of course I don’t care about you Parkinson, it’s not my problem if you’ve been waiting. I said I would let you know when he’s ready to see you, I didn’t say I would come running to find you the moment he’s back.”

He pushed his arms off the back of the armchair and turned towards the door of the common room, leaving despite it being past curfew.

Pansy felt tears pooling inexplicably in her eyes. Why was she sad? Somehow she’d gotten it into her head that Zabini was a good person, and that maybe if she got to know him better she could understand him and maybe a small part of her was hoping they could work up to something more than friends.

She looked towards the ceiling, blinking a few times and taking a deep breath to recollect herself before someone saw her momentary lapse in handling her emotions. When her face was carefully neutral again, she turned around, startling slightly when she found Nott watching her from the same armchair Zabini had been leaning on. His posture held the same exhaustion as his friend’s had, and there was an odd look on his face. His eyebrows were furrowed slightly as if he was questioning something, but there was a tiny smirk on his lips and a glint in his eyes.

“What?” She snapped.

He studied her for a moment longer before finally speaking,

“Draco says he’d like to see you in the morning, and to meet him in the library after breakfast.”

His voice was neutral, but it was lower than usual and slightly raspy, making him sound even more exhausted than he looked.

His clear tiredness took the edge off of her anger. Maybe Zabini didn’t care about anyone else, but Nott had come down to tell her even though the situation had clearly taken a toll on him as well.

“Thank you.”

He hummed in response, slouching down a bit and leaning his head back, closing his eyes.

“Go to bed, falling asleep in an armchair really is not a good look for you Nott.”

“As much as i’d love to, I really should go hunt down Zabini since you’ve scared him away.” Nott rose from the chair, groaning slightly as he stretched his back.

For a moment, Pansy felt her anger flare, preparing to snap at him all over again, but after a moment she realized he was only joking.

“If I were you, i’d just hope you’re so lucky he never comes back.” She said it in a joking tone, but there was a clear bite to it.

He sighed slightly, clearly not finding her amusing, but said nothing about it.

“See you later Pansy, you should try and get some sleep, those eyebags really clash with your robes.”

“Hey!”

He hurried out before she could hex him, trying to hold back his laughter.

Unfortunately for him, his moment of laughter didn’t last very long. The second he stepped into the dark, damp dungeon hallway, the weight of the world settled itself back upon his shoulders. Blaise was leaning against the wall at the end of the hallway, staring into the distance with his arms folded and one leg crossed over top of the other. Theo took a few steps closer, and Blaise’s dark eyes snapped towards him.

“Come back inside before you get detention for wandering the halls past curfew.”

Blaise rolled his eyes and ignored Theo, and that was the straw that broke the ever patient camels back. He took four long strides forward and then grabbed a handful of the taller boys uniform, tugging him aggressively and shoving him forward a few steps. Blaise stumbled slightly but regained his footing fast. Theo shoved him by the shoulders again, pushing him a few steps closer to the door again.

“I said get inside.”

The bewildered look on Zabini’s face only fueled his rage, he was exhausted, and absolutely fucking tired of trying to tiptoe around the boy when he got moody. So, when he still made no effort to move towards the painting, Theo kind of lost it for a moment.

He grabbed Blaise’s collar with both hands, “Are you fucking deaf now too? I said stop acting like a moody bitch and get inside. You don’t see anyone else pulling this shit do you?”

With that, he threw the taller boy as best as he could given the size difference towards the door, laughing hysterically as he nearly fell.

“Look at that, Theodore, you’re finally acting like a true Nott.”

Zabini finally went back inside, and Theo’s laughter cut off abruptly. All at once he seemed to come back to himself, rage completely gone and replaced with horror and guilt. What the hell was wrong with him? The worst part is that Blaise was right, he truly was living up to his name with that behavior.

His hands were tingling.

His heart was beating so fast that it hurt and his chest was painfully tight. He was breathing so quickly that he was getting lightheaded, and he found himself with his back against the wall, slowly sliding down.

What was wrong with him?

Why did he say that to Blaise? Why did he try to hurt his best friend?

What if Draco did it again and he missed all the signs all over again?

What if he lied and it never was an accident?

“Nott!”

A small hand grabbed his knee, squeezing it tightly and causing him to look up. Parkinson was kneeling in front of him, her face concerned but not pitying.

“Breathe with me, in for four seconds, then hold for four, then out for four, okay?”

Theo gave a weak nod, worsening his dizziness.

“In, two, three, four. Good, hold two, three, four. Out, two-“

He couldn’t do it, his heart hurt and he gasped again, feeling like a fish out of water trying to suck in oxygen.

“It’s alright, try again, come on in, two three four.  Hold, two three four. Out two three four.”

They repeated the cycle a few times, Theo’s slips becoming more infrequent until finally his breathing regulated and his pulse began to return to normal. He let his head fall back against the wall, still shaking slightly and utterly mortified. He wanted to run away from Pansy’s concerned presence, but he wasn’t sure he could get up if he tried.

“Do you want to tal-“

“No.”

“Okay…”

The silence that followed was thick and tense, Pansy shifted a bit, looking unsure as she continued to kneel by Theo, who slung an arm over his eyes. They were beginning to sting.

“Would you like me to leave?” Parkinson asked rather bluntly.

“I would.” Theo’s voice was low and strained, but he was able to keep it from breaking.

No further words were spoken as Parkinson rentered the common room and left Theo to contemplate his choices. Cold, slimy, disgust with himself writhed in his gut, and he pulled his knees in closer to his chest.

Some time later, he was awoken to a harsh slap on the back of his head. Theo immediately groaned before looking up and squinting in the darkness, gasping when he saw his head of house looming over him.

“Mr Nott, is there an issue with your bed?”

“Er, no, professor, bed’s fine.” His voice was unexpectedly strained and hoarse, eliciting a slight quirk of Snape’s eyebrow.

“Well then, why have you decided to sleep in the hallway after curfew rather than your perfectly acceptable bed?” Snape’s voice was cold and unsympathetic, and Theo winced, scared he was going to get in trouble.

“I… My apologies professor.”

“I asked you a question, Nott, I expect an answer.”

His eyes were stinging again, watering as he tried to swallow around the lump in his throat. He absolutely refused to start crying in front of Snape.

“I’m sorry, it was an accident and I won’t let it happen again sir.”

Cold, dark eyes narrowed at him, boring into his soul and making him feel even smaller and more vulnerable than he already did.

“I trust you won’t, off to bed with you Nott.” Snape waved a hand at him dismissively before he walked past.

It was unclear whether Snape had just been in an unprecedentedly good mood, or he had actually felt a shred of pity for the boy, but either way Theo was not going to take it for granted. He quickly got up and scuttled into the now empty common room, blinking rapidly to try and ignore the tears still filling his eyes. He wasn’t even entirely sure why they were there, but he was overwhelmed, exhausted, regretful, humiliated, and now his neck hurt from his awkward position in the hallway.

Upon entering the dorm, he found Draco still awake and at his desk with a lamp, and Blaise was nowhere to be seen.

Draco looked up quickly, startled slightly by the door opening. He saw Theo standing in the doorway, looking like an absolute wreck. His hair was tangled and messy, his face was tear stained, and his eyes were bloodshot and watery.

“Where’s Blaise?” It was quickly apparent to Draco that his friend’s voice was as bad as he looked.

“Dunno, I haven’t seen him… did something happen?” His tone was cautious, as Theo looked to be in a fragile state.

The brunette released a shaky sigh.

“I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

With that he grabbed his pajamas and stumbled into the bathroom.

Theo fell asleep as soon as he was ready for bed, forgetting to even close his curtains before knocking out. Draco could see that he was sleeping fitfully, twitching and making soft noises. It was unlike him, usually Theo was relatively laid back and collected, but tonight he’d been anything but. And Blaise was nowhere to be seen. Clearly something had happened, but if it was crucial for him to know now Theo would have told him. Still, he found it hard to fall asleep that night after carefully pulling Theo’s curtains closed and moving his bag away from the doorway in case Blaise came in, so he didn’t trip.

Both things were solely for his own comfort, of course. He did it because he didn’t want to have to hear Theo’s whimpering all night or be awoken by Blaise clambering in and crashing to the floor in the middle of the night. Obviously.

Chapter Text

When Draco awoke, he found Theo’s curtains closed and Blaise still nowhere to be seen. He debated waking his friend up to satiate the curiosity that had been brewing in his subconscious all night, but decided against it when he remembered how tired the other boy had looked. They still had a couple hours before they needed to head to class anyways.

His chest tightened at the thought of going to classes. The prospect of classes themselves wasn’t too daunting, they were hard, but at least they gave him a purpose. Unfortunately going to classes also meant seeing everyone, and inevitably dodging questions about his absence. Not to mention, he needed to keep working on the cabinet as soon as possible.

An icy shock of terror ripped through his chest at the reminder of the cabinet, something he had been able to push to the back of his mind over the last day or two. Suddenly he felt sick, nausea swirling in his stomach and chest constricting. He was up, out of bed, and running to the bathroom in a matter of seconds, shutting the door and kneeling over the toilet right as he started heaving.

It didn’t take long for the vomiting to be over, there wasn’t really much in his stomach to come up being this early in the morning, but the panic still had a vice grip on Draco. He was curled up against the wall, trying and failing to suck in a breath, his fingers were tingling and his body was flashing hot and cold.

After his hospital admission, Draco had silently vowed to himself that he would stop. That he would find other ways to handle his anger and panic and fear. That he would reach out to Blaise or Theo when he felt like cutting was the only option. But that was all easier to say when he wasn’t in a moment of panic, a moment of need. When Theo didn’t look like all his loved ones had been hit by a train and when Blaise wasn’t nowhere to be found.

Just a few small cuts would be okay.

He needs to, he needs to calm down.

He’ll just be more careful this time.

A knock at the door startled him so bad he let out a choked yelp, and immediately after hoped to everything above that whoever just knocked didn’t hear it.

“Draco? you alright?” Theo’s voice sounded hoarse still, and scared.

A shred of clarity finally made its way back into Draco’s brain.

What was he thinking?

His breathing was still to fast, and his chest was still tight, but he was finally riding out the waves of panic, they were slowly fading with the numbness of his hands and-

Shit he still had to answer Theo.

“I’m fine, piss off.”

Well that should be in character enough to convince him.

“You’re a liar, I heard you puking you idiot.”

Despite his clear knowledge that something was off, Theo’s voice still sounded relieved. Draco thought that was very curious, but maybe it was because his response was a normal thing one would expect from him. It was snappish and rude, but not holding venom because of course it was Theo after all.

He sounded like he was more or less okay.

Was he more or less okay?

Mentally, Draco had certainly felt better, he was still trying to calm himself down from the intense panic that had gripped him, and a bit shaken from the realization that he almost cut himself again. But he hadn’t, physically he was fine. His throat and stomach hurt slightly, but they’d feel better after breakfast. So actually, he WAS more or less okay. He could handle this, everything was fine for the moment.

Having finally caught his breath, and realizing he had left Theo without an answer again, he quickly cleaned himself up, washing his face, brushing his teeth, and fixing his hair for the day. Maybe quickly was a generous term, it was probably a solid twenty minutes, but compared to his usual thirty or more, it was very quick.

Steeling himself a bit, he opened the door back into the dorm, relieved to see that while he still didn’t look like his usual self, Theo no longer looked like someone who may have recently escaped a mental hospital. He was sitting on his bed, picking at his cuticles and looking lost in thought. His hair was a mess and his eyes were still ringed by dark circles, but they were no longer swollen and red. When he looked up and noticed Draco had left the bathroom, he gave him a quick once over before speaking.

“Remember you’re supposed to meet with Parkinson in the library today before class today.”

Draco had completely forgotten about meeting Parkinson, and he was very glad that Theo had reminded him because all though he wouldn’t admit it, her wrath was terrifying.

“Thank you. Are you coming to breakfast?”

Theo sighed, he still looked exhausted.

“No, I think i’m just going to lay back down for a few more minutes. I’ll see you in class though.”

This was a major red flag in Draco’s mind because Theo almost always had an insane appetite, and it was very rare for stressful or difficult situations to affect it. It was something Draco had found himself jealous of since their childhood, when Theo had easily finished his dinner and both boys’ desserts the night before their very first day at Hogwarts. Draco, on the other hand, had been curled up in the armchair, fighting to keep the small bit of dinner he could stomach down.

He eyed the brunette, narrowing his eyes slightly, eliciting another sigh from the boy.

“I just have a killer stomachache, I’ll be fine.”

“Whatever you say mate, see you in class.”

It wasn’t worth an interrogation.

As he headed to breakfast, anxiety crept back up on Draco. The thought of seeing Parkinson was a little daunting. The two weren’t even overly close, so he wasn’t sure why she was so insistent on visiting him.

Parkinson was an interesting character, it was nearly impossible to tell when she genuinely cared about his well being and when she was faking a persona. Usually the giveaway was touch. When she was being genuine and open, she rarely went out of her way to initiate physical contact unless she deemed it necessary, and even then it was always a bit cautious. When she was playing a role entirely different from her actual personality, she was very touchy. Uncomfortably so.

The first thing his eyes were doing when he entered the Great Hall was searching for Blaise. Unfortunately, he was nowhere to be found. That left him to chose between sitting alone and sitting with Crabbe and Goyle.

Now, if he was being honest he would really prefer to sit alone, but that would look odd, and his father would disapprove. Although his father would also probably disapprove of the delay in his work on the cabinet due to his hospital admission.

That would have to be a later problem though, right now he had to make it through this breakfast without his heart beating out of his chest or his eardrums bursting from the obnoxious and never ending noise surrounding him.

He took a seat on the bench beside Crabbe, with Goyle sitting on Crabbe’s other side. Both boys necks snapped in his direction comically fast, and they both stared at him for a short moment, looking suprised, mouths open and full of food.

“Close your mouths you imbeciles, nobody wants to see your food,” Draco snapped.

Crabbe looked a little offended, but Goyle just smiled stupidly.

“Malfoy! You’re back!” He exclaimed cheerfully.

“Where were you?” Goyle asked with less cheer, voice surprisingly demanding.

Despite the demanding tone and the small bit of panic that flooded Draco when he realized he had to make an excuse and stick to it quickly, a larger sense of relief flooded him. If Crabbe and Goyle didn’t even know what had happened, that meant the rest of the school didn’t either. He knew he could easily think of a simple excuse, his reputation would remain untainted.

“I had other matters to attend to, and I had to return home for a couple of days.” Draco stated simply.

Both of them gaped at him for a moment but ultimately didn’t question him.

He finished his breakfast quickly, itching to get out of the noisy and crowded hall. He wasn’t oblivious to the curious glances and double takes he was receiving, nor the shockingly obvious staring from Potter and his little fan club at the Gryffindor table.

He stood up quietly, composed and not drawing any extra attention, for once, and strode out of the room as quickly as he could without being conspicuous.

As soon as he was out of the room he turned into a corridor and practically gasped in relief, slumping down a bit, shoulders already aching from being forced to a perfectly stiff, straight position. After a few moments Draco felt like he had collected himself again. He’d been back in the public eye for less than a day and he was already struggling to keep up with the carefully constructed mask and facade he always had in place.

He tried not to dwell on that too much and headed straight to the library. When he got there, Parkinson was nowhere in immediate sight, so he started heading to the back of the massive room, where the shelves and nooks were quieter and more dimly lit. It was one of his personal favorite parts of the castle, fairly empty save for the occasional Ravenclaw or Slytherin student, but none of them so much as spared anyone else a glance when they were deeply entranced by their studies.

He found the dark-haired girl in a quiet corner about as close to the back as one could get without going into the restricted section. She was sitting at a small table, legs crossed and posture as perfect as usual. She was staring off to her side, chin rested gently on a perfectly manicured hand, but she turned to face him when he approached.

“Malfoy. Nice to see you again. Sit, please.” She greeted him in a sickeningly sweet voice, a perfect smile plastered across her face. It would have been unsettling if he wasn’t so familiar with the act himself.

“Likewise, Parkinson.” He replied as he pulled out the chair in front of her, voice so impersonal and ingenuine it almost pained him.

She studied him for a moment, then their surroundings, before her face softened slightly and her body seemed to relax a bit as she uncrossed her legs and leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand again.

There she was.

“I don’t suppose you’d tell me why you mysteriously disappeared and your two closest friends started acting as if they were experiencing early life crises?” Her voice sounded more normal now, it was still high pitched and if he was being honest, grated on his ears a bit, but it was no longer giving him a toothache just from listening to it.

He studied her for a moment. He had no intention of fully telling her what had happened, but he was conflicted on how much he should actually tell her. While they weren’t close, she was somewhat a friend. She spent time with the group, they talked, though never about overly personal matters. And it was clear she had at least some concern for his well being. He had some small bit of concern for hers as well, he thinks.

But you could never be too careful. She didn’t need to know he’d been in the hospital, incapacitated by his own stupidity like a weak, sick, child.

“I had other matters to attend to. I had to return home for a few days.”

“Malfoy.” Her tone was pleading, and it grated his ears, but not nearly as much as it grated his heart.

“Everything’s fine Parkinson.” His tone was firm, it wasn’t a simple statement, it was a silent demand.

She stared at him for a moment, eyes uncharacteristically open and concerned.

“I see. If you ever…” She trailed off for a moment, looking away from him, “I can be a good listener every now and then you know. You had me worried. Have me worried.” Her voice got progressively softer as she spoke, a level of uncertainty he had never, ever imagined she could posses laved her tone.

“I’ll keep it in mind Parkinson.”

She looked back at him, eyes tired and sad, face sagging with a genuine frown. It looked out of place. This felt out of place, this whole conversation, her concern, his impersonal responses. All of it was making his stomach sink and churn and he was certain if he didn’t leave within the next few minutes his breakfast would be coming up in the middle of a library.

“I really must get ready for classes,” Draco paused, debating whether or not to make an attempt at being friendly. To express at least some of his gratitude. “I appreciate your concern, even though I assure you it is not necessary.”

Her face still looked wrong, it was twisted weird, mouth tight and pulled down, eyes soft and wide and-

Oh shit.

Draco’s entire brain seemed to lag for a second when he realized she was about to cry.

“Well. Friends keep each other safe.”

Something about her tone squeezed his chest so tight he nearly choked.

“Right.”

His response was more like a choked off wheeze, and he couldn’t be certain she’d actually heard it, but it didn’t really matter because he was all but running to the bathrooms.

So much for keeping breakfast down.

Much to his relief, the boys bathroom closest to the library was empty, as were the hallways that he, admittedly, began actually running through.

Ten minutes later and his knees were hurting from the hard tile beneath them and his nose and throat were burning from the acidity of his vomit.

After he cleaned himself up he left the stall and promptly jumped backwards, nearly tripping over his own feet when he realized that Theo was leaning against the wall straight across from him. Draco hadn’t even heard the door open.

Sneaky bastard.

“Class started fifteen minutes ago.” Theo stated blandly, face blank and void of emotions.

“Well shouldn’t you be there then?” Draco snapped, tone far too harsh.

“Mcgonagall sent me to get you.”

Draco frowned, eyebrows furrowed as he went to wash his hands.

“Well how the hell did you know where I was?”

“Lucky guess.”

Draco’s frown only deepened at the vague explanation, but he’d just have to be left in confusion because Theo’s blank face and expressionless voice was seriously setting him on edge.

Draco fixed his hair and straightened his robes as best as he could, rinsing his mouth with water and making himself presentable again. Theo wasn’t watching him, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was. Even if the dark haired boys eyes were trained on the floor, his presence was strangely ominous. It was uncomfortable in a way Draco had never experienced with his closest friend.

He straightened his hair one more time, turning to face the other boy.

“Back to class then?”

Theo nodded, and Draco realized his eyes seemed to be glassy, almost unfocused, as he led the way out the door.

Chapter Text

By the time lunch had rolled around Theo’s condition had not improved. Selfishly, Draco couldn’t help but wish he would just act normal, because his head hurt and despite it only being halfway through the day, classes had exhausted him. Pathetic as it was, he just needed his friends.

Everything and nothing had changed at once. In the grand scheme of things, not much time had actually passed. The day that he had been hospitalized had really only been just over a week ago, but it felt like an eternity.

Nothing had changed in the sense that the outsiders were the same. His classmates and teachers had expressed a mild curiosity at most to his absence, but never questioned his vague excuse. His classes were the same, in most of them, they were still on the same units and learning the same concepts as they had been a week ago. He sat in the same place in each class as he had a week ago. He clung to these shreds of normalcy like a lifeline.

Draco felt different. He felt wrong. When he thought about it too hard he felt ill. His friends knew and now it felt like a giant elephant taking up so much space in the room that none of them could breathe properly.

He’d seen Blaise in arithmancy, which was a relief. They sat next to each other, as they had before Draco’s incident. The two hadn’t gotten much time to talk yet, (the professor was quite displeased when they tried), but Draco did find out where Blaise had disappeared to. Sort of, anyways.

“Well look who’s decided to make an appearance,”

Draco had hissed under his breath when he’d entered the classroom and seen Zabini in his usual spot, leaning back slightly in his chair and lazily spinning his quill between two fingers.

“Lovely to see you too Draco.”

Blaise smirked slightly, his demeanor was typical. While it was mildly annoying, it was somewhat refreshing. It was something that felt normal. Something that felt right.

“Explain yourself Zabini.”

Blaise sighed slightly, sitting up in his seat, “I needed some time alright? I went around the castle for a bit.”

“But you didn’t come into the dorm later.”

Blaise was silent for a moment, jaw tight. When he spoke, his voice was low.

“I said things that I shouldn’t have to Theo.”

“Wh-“

“I am not doing this with you in the middle of class Malfoy.”

Blaise had snapped at him, and the conversation ended there. They pretended it didn’t happen for the rest of class.

Now, after their second period, Draco sat with Theo in the Great Hall for lunch. Blaise had disappeared into the library, stating that he needed to catch up on an assignment. It was an obvious lie, but Draco didn’t question him. Clearly whatever he’d said to Theo had been hurtful.

Glancing over and seeing Theo’s blank face and empty plate, it took everything within the blond to keep from feeling angry with Blaise. He didn’t know the situation, but he’d not seen Theo in this state since before their Hogwarts years, and even then it had only been once.

Logically, Draco knew Theo would come back to himself. He was likely working through whatever Blaise had said to him. It still worried him.

Suddenly, Theo turned to look at the pale face next to him.

“Have you seen Zabini yet?”

A tiny warning bell sounded in Draco’s head at his friends tone, but a larger wave of relief washed over him at the clarity in his warm brown eyes.

“I have.”

“And what did he tell you?”

Draco shifted uncomfortably at the edge in Theo’s tone.

“Not much. We were in class.”

The brunet hummed lowly with a slight nod, resting his chin on his fist. His eyes were clear again, his head turned slightly in response to a particularly loud group of first years entering the hall.

Nott may not have been quite himself, but he was back, and he was present.

In addition, he ate most of the grapes that Draco put on his plate under the, in his opinion, genius guise of needing to be able to get answers from him during potions because if he started getting dizzy he would prove to be no help at all.

Of course, Theo never really believed Malfoy put the grapes on his plate because he wanted to ensure he’d have someone to cheat off of. Potions had always been Draco’s best subject. Not that he’d ever tell the other boy that he’d known this from the start. Not with the way he was smirking slightly, grey eyes glinting with pride.

Much to Draco’s annoyance, Blaise didn’t even turn up to potions after lunch, probably too much of a coward to face Nott. Even worse, Parkinson was unusually silent without her not so well hidden crush present, leaving a heavy, awkward silence hanging over the remaining three slytherins.

Merlin was he going to get a peice of Draco’s mind. He’d just gotten back to classes after spending days in a painfully sterile hospital room, and now he had to deal with this petty argument? Absolutely not.

By the time classes had ended, he found himself on the verge of fuming. Has Blaise forgotten who he was? HIM. Draco Malfoy. HIS precious time was being wasted because his arrogant, selfish, prideful friend couldn’t get OVER himself and clean up whatever mess he’d made? This was completely unacceptable, and he would not stand for it.

Theo had split off to get some books from the library, leaving draco and his steadily growing fury an open window of time to interrogate Blaise.

He marched up to their shared dorm room, swinging the door open with a deep inhale, prepared to start scolding the dark haired boy immediately.

Then he saw him.

The tallest boy in their group, who’d always had the ego to match, looked uncharacteristically small.

He was sitting on his bed, one knee drawn up and the other leg stretched straight out. His back was hunched, allowing him to rest his chin on top of his knee. His face was drooping so much it could really only be described as pouting, hands wrapped around the leg that was pulled to his chest.

It was pathetic really, but draco’s entire chest deflated, anger lessening almost immediately. He  sighed softly and closed the door behind him, stepping to the side to lean his back against the wall, legs and arms crossed neatly.

“What kind of disaster did you create?” Draco asked in an airy tone.

Blaise shook his head slightly, sighing as well as he stretched his other leg and leaned back against his headboard.

“Oh now you won’t say it? Will you just tell me what you did? I’m sick of this. I’m sick of dancing around trying to make sure Theo doesn’t fully check out and you don’t disappear again just because YOU decided you needed to say something that was PROBABLY rude. I don’t know, because you won’t tell me. I’m suffering because of YOUR actions and you won’t even tell me what happened!”

Apparently the anger didn’t stay at bay for very long, and it must have ticked off Blaise slightly, because he straightened his back while his face hardened slightly. His tone was steady and cool when he spoke.

“Theo and I got into a bit of a… disagreement. I may have said things I shouldn’t have, but he wasn’t exactly being very level headed or considerate either.”

Draco raised a sharp eyebrow slightly, interest piqued.

Blaise nodded with a slight smirk, glad to take some of the heat off of himself.

“Is this your way of refusing accountability?”

Draco snapped and Blaise’s face fell, shoulders dropping again.

“Alright. If you’re so insistent on knowing what happened… yes, we were arguing. But I took it a bit far.”

“What did you say?”

Blaise’s dark eyes flicked to the side, no longer meeting Draco’s. His voice was still steady, but it was quieter now.

“I told him he was acting like a true Nott.”

Draco was silent for a long moment, genuinely trying to process the information and respond rationally despite the anger rising in his chest.

“Why?” His voice was level, but slightly strained with anger.

Blaise just shook his head again, and Draco felt the anger rising so fast it was ready to choke him. That had been a shot below the belt, and Blaise had known it, but he’d took it anyways.

Draco wanted to pound some sense into him. But he’d never fully understand. He was aware of Theo’s intense fear of growing up to be an abusive, cruel, and manipulative bastard just like his father, but he’d never understand the way Draco did. He’d never understand because he wasn’t there, never understand because he’d never witnessed it.

He’d never hold a seven year old Theodore Nott in his arms while he sobbed and shook because he couldn’t get the image of his mother’s lifeless eyes staring straight at him out of his mind. Because he couldn’t unsee the manic smile that momentarily twisted his father’s features before it disappeared so quickly he couldn’t even tell if it was real.

Blaise would never understand because he’d never had an eleven year old Theodore Nott show up on his doorstep during summer, eyes red-rimmed and hands shaking, begging to stay for a few nights until Lucius returned.

He’d never understand because he’d never stayed up until past five o clock in the morning over winter holidays trying to reassure the frantic, fourteen year old Theo spending the night in his room that he was nothing like his wretched father.

No, he’d never fully understand, but he knew it would hurt, and he did it anyway. Draco was no stranger to throwing low-blows, but he still couldn’t comprehend dealing one to either of his two closet friends.

“I said why? Why the bloody hell would you say that to him? why-“

“I was pissed off okay-“

“THAT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!”

Blaise flinched minutely at Draco’s yell. While the blond had a tendency to be dramatic and start spats quite regularly, especially with other houses, it was incredibly out of character for him to yell. Zabini was silent for a few moments, barely even breathing as he watched Malfoy inhale and exhale deeply a few times. His arms were still crossed, pale hands completely white from how hard he was clenching his fists.

It stung knowing that Malfoy was right. He’d gone too far, and he’d known that the second the words left his mouth. But accountability wasn’t a strong suit of his. Neither was apologizing.

“That’s not good enough and you know it, and now you don’t even have the balls to apologize.”Draco hissed, jaw tight.

Blaise folded his arms defensively with a scoff, “Don’t act so superior all of the sudden Malfoy. As if you wouldn’t say something like that, you do it all the time, and i’ve never heard you apologize once before.”

Draco ran a hand roughly through his hair, tugging at the fine strands. He exhaled sharply before speaking, doing all he could to quell his anger.

“Right. I would. But not to Theo. Not to a friend, someone who actually understands and is willing to be nice and care about you and listen to you! The least you could do is apologize to him!”

He had no idea what, but something he’d said must have hit a sore spot. That or it was just the final straw in breaking the somewhat apathetic and unapologetic act Blaise had been putting up.

Either way, a flicker of shock crossed Draco’s face as he watched the taller boy slouch forward to rest his elbows on his knees, resting his head in his hands. The blond just shifted uncomfortably, crossing and uncrossing his arms once or twice as the silence seemed to stretch on for hours, though it was probably only seconds. It wasn’t until he heard the shaky exhalation that escaped Blaise that he broke it.

“Tell me what happened. There’s no excuse for what you did, but let me at least hear your reasoning.”

Draco’s tone was admittedly cold and likely not very welcoming, but he slowly crossed the room and perched himself at the very foot of Blaise’s bed.

Blaise lifted his head and straightened up, crossing his arms again. Much to Draco’s relief, he was still entirely collected.

“I don’t want to get into the fine details. We were all worn down, to say the least. I was an arse to Parkinson first. I had my reasons, though I won’t claim they were good ones. I left the room to gather myself and Theo followed me out and told me to get back inside. I didn’t and he snapped.”

Draco nodded slowly, trying not to get annoyed again by Blaise’s steely tone, or his vague explanation. Underneath the annoyance he was fighting back, he could feel a pit forming in his stomach.

From Blaise’s description, both of his friends and one of his few friendly acquaintances had been stressed to breaking point. It really went without saying what had gotten them so worked up, and that was him. Him being in the hospital and missing classes and worrying everyone because he couldn’t handle the nagging little voices in his head or the sound of his pulse when panic overtook him.

What’s wrong with you?

But that had to be a later problem, because he knew that Blaise cared about Theo, and vice versa. He needed them to make up so that things could be normal again. He just needed things to be normal again. Not to mention he didn’t ever want to see that blank look on Theo’s face again. Ever.

“You’ll have to apologize, even if it’s uncomfortable.”

“I know.”

Chapter Text

In truth, apologies were not Blaise Zabini’s strong suit, but this was known information within the group. Zabini approached Theodore Nott in the corner of the common room later that evening carrying a small tabby cat belonging to one of the third years.

“Robinson said that his cat needs to be pet while he’s in detention, but I hate cats, and you love them. Here.”

Blaise hastily pushed the little cat into Theo’s arms, who in return let a soft, tired smile grace his features momentarily.

Zabini stood there for a moment, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot and watching his friend scratch the cat’s chin before speaking.

“I bet your father hates cats.”

Theo glanced up sharply, eyes slightly narrowed and movements momentarily halting.

“He does.”

“In that case I suppose you’re nothing like him are you?”

It was this moment that Theo realized this was Blaise’s awkward and avoidant way of apologizing. Typically, he would just accept that and move on. But his chest still felt heavy, and his brain had been looping the argument in the back of his mind since it occurred.

“You’re gonna have to do better than that Zabini.”

Blaise winced almost imperceptibly before inhaling deeply.

“I… apologize for my statement, Theo.”

“Do you now.”

“Yes. I do.”

Theo looked down at the cat again, who gave him an annoyed look when his sigh blew it’s fur a little. He didn’t want to fight anymore. He was already worried about Draco, worried that it could happen again at any moment.

Hell, he didn’t even know why it happened in the first place, they hadn’t gotten around to that conversation yet, but if he wanted to find out he needed to be there. Really there. And he needed Blaise on his side.

He looked back up at Blaise, who was intentionally avoiding eye contact with him. It wasn’t okay. It wasn’t really okay at all, it hurt and stung and put him in a place he thought he was safe from while he was at Hogwarts.

But he could see the guilt in the bow of Blaise’s head. And in all fairness, Blaise obviously knew it would hurt his feelings… but he didn’t know the full extent.

“Fine.”

He meant to speak with indifference but his voice came out soft and resigned which made Blaise cringe slightly.

“Theo I-”

“I said it’s fine!”

Both boys went silent for a moment before Theo swallowed thickly and spoke as steadily as he could manage.

“Its not…Its not fine, but I forgive you, and I want to move on.”

Blaise nodded slowly, looking at the floor,

“Thank you”

“An ‘I apologize’ and a ‘thank you’? Expanding your vocabulary are you Zabini?”

Theo teased, smirking slightly. Blaise finally looked up and rolled his eyes, and Theo’s shoulders relaxed as the tension dissipated.

“Don’t be a git or you won’t hear it again Nott.”

He spun on his heel and Theo’s face dropped a little.

“Where’re you going?”

“Miss me already?”

“You’re insufferable,” Theo scoffed as Blaise walked off.

Not like he wanted him to stay. The cat was a better homework mate anyways.

Not even five minutes later, as soon as Theo had managed to refocus on his homework, someone grabbed his shoulder and jerked it violently. He startled slightly, causing the cat to jump off his lap and bolt away. He turned slowly to see Parkinson gripping his shoulder still.

“Parkinson. Evening.”

His voice was slightly dry as he recovered from his tiny startle. Not to mention the embarrassment from his little incident the night before which she had unfortunately witnessed.

“You absolute prick!” Pansy hissed in his ear, voice low enough not to catch any attention if people were to walk by.

“Excuse me?”

“You know what I'm talking about Theodore.”

“I do not, Pansy. And don’t call me Theodore!”

“Don’t play dumb with me you bastard! I don’t know what you bribed him with but it’s not funny so stay out of my business!”

Pansy’s voice was bordering on whiny, her face pulled into a slight pout, while Theo stared at her like she had just grown a third head.

“Pansy, please, I really don’t know what you’re talking about, and i’m not in the mood to play this game.”

Her brows furrowed slightly, “wait you really don’t?”

Theo just tilted his head slightly and gave her a pointedly irritated look, causing her to pause before awkwardly releasing his shoulder and stepping back, smoothing her skirt and clearing her throat before speaking.

“I… apologize for that then.”

A small smile began to cross her face, even though it was clear to Theo that she was trying to hold it back. He turned back to his desk, just wanting to get his work done so he could go relax. He picked up his quill, waiting to feel her presence behind him leave. Only she didn't. He could feel her right behind him and hear her bracelet jingling as she smoothed her hair. He sighed heavily and turned his chair around to face her.

“Alright spit it out then.”

She smiled and sat on the table behind her, swinging her feet slightly.

“Guess who actually just kind of almost apologized to me.”

Realization dawned on Theo and he couldn't help but smile a little and lean forward. When Pansy spoke again she tried to sound indifferent, but Theo was perceptive enough to hear the slight shake in her breath from giddiness.

“It was Zabini. I thought you must have put him up to it, for some sort of stupid prank or something, because I mean, he doesn't apologize. And to me? I mean, I like to think we’re all kind of friends, friendly acquaintances, but we aren’t close like that. And, in all fairness,” Pansy shifted, looking down to examine her nails, “it really wasn't a good apology, you know. I think someone of my status definitely deserves better.”

Theo was silent for a moment, processing with a glint in his eye and a smirk on his face.

"I was afraid he may have been coming down with something after he apologized to me this evening, but it looks like I know exactly what he’s coming down with and its far, far worse than a cold, I think.”

Pansy scoffed but a faint blush appeared on the tips of her cheeks.

“I haven’t got the faintest idea what youre talking about Nott, so get that foolish notion out of your thick skull! I’m going to head to bed. I need my beauty sleep, you know.”

“It’s not working.”

She gasped dramatically at his remark before kicking his shin hard enough to hurt but not cause any real damage. She folded her arms and stalked away, but the slight nod she gave him before she turned on the staircase told him she wasn’t really mad.

----------------------------

Blaise couldn’t wipe the smug look off his face as he swung open the door to the boys’ shared dormitory, only to be greeted by an irritated and sulky looking Malfoy staring at him from his desk chair.

“Did you apologize?”

Malfoy’s voice was low and unforgiving, but the taller boy could not find it in him to care, not when he had not only successfully apologized enough to dismiss his guilt but still preserved his reputation.

“Yes I did, not just to Nott, also to Parkinson. Just about charmed the skirt right off her too.”

Blaise flopped down on the foot of his bed and leaned his back against the post and swinging one leg up to stretch in front of him, arms clasped behind his head. Draco’s face scrunched a bit dramatically and he visibly recoiled.

“Don’t be crude! I only wanted to make sure you apologized properly.”

“Merlin, Draco don’t be such a prude,” Blaise drawled, still donning his ridiculously smug expression.

The door lock clicked and both boys turned as Nott entered the dorm, a small grin and knowing look on his face.

“Two apologies in one night Zabini? One would almost have to assume that you have an ulterior motive.”

“Yes one would, wouldn't they?”

And that was the only response Blaise gave before getting off his bed and shutting himself in the bathroom to shower.

“He had some very choice words for his ulterior motives just five minutes ago you know,” Malfoy muttered somewhat bitterly.

“I’m sure he did,” Theo spoke airily as he sat himself on the edge of Draco’s desk, who gave him a sharp glare in return.

“You think it’ll come to fruition?”

The brunette asked in a slightly more genuine tone before continuing.

“Cause I could really see it happening if they both get over themselves a little. They’re similar in enough ways, I think. Plus, she’s liked him since like, second year.”

Draco thought for a while before answering.

“I think so, but only if they pull the sticks out of their asses.”
Nott snorted slightly before laughing.

“Oh but we’re the crude ones?”

“That’s different and you know it Theo! Now let me do my potions essay!”

The blonde’s voice was defensive and almost a whine as he crossed his ankles and started writing again. Theo continued to chuckle as he got off Draco’s desk and waited for his turn to get ready for bed.

He was more than happy to see Malfoy solidifying every part of his personality so quickly. Even the annoying ones. But there was still the voice in the back of his head that reminded him that his friend had even acted like that the night before it had happened. Things were getting better, but there was still one massive, looming question that remained unanswered. It left too much uncertainty and made Theo’s head spin.

Really, everything was okay, but he couldn’t help but feel for some reason like there were a million threads left untied. Like his brain was too mushy to put together a hundred puzzle pieces and nothing would be fine until he did.