Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She’d intended on going home to drown her sorrows but had wound up here. It’s not far from her office but it’s not where most of her colleagues choose to spend their nights.

And she needs a little solitude right now.

This place is a little quieter than the usual haunts they frequent around work. It’s still nice but the colours are dark. They suit her mood. The atmosphere is a little more morose than polished though the price they’re charging for drinks would have you think otherwise.

But misery doesn’t discriminate by your bank account it seems.

The bartender slides her second drink over to her on a napkin and she shoots him a grateful smile as he disappears to deal with another customer and leaves her in peace.

She drops her head into her hands where her elbows rest on the bar top. Massages her temples but the day won’t fade away as easily as the blossoming tension headache she feels.

It’s then that she feels someone’s presence behind her. Knows it’s him as he approaches.

She hasn’t looked up, but she knows it’s him from his cologne. It infuriates her that he always smells so good.

‘Eugh, leave me alone,’ she mumbles down towards the bar top. Her hair hiding her face. ‘I really don’t need to hear I told you so right now.’

She registers him leaning against the bar beside her.

‘It’s almost endearing you know, how little you think of me.’

‘Take the hint then,’ she says thinly, lifting her head to look at him.

Only she wishes she hadn’t because she can see his freckles when he’s this close. Can see concern swimming in his eyes that doesn’t match the flippant tone of his words.

The quiet lies heavy between them.

She doesn’t actually want him to go.

That’s the thing.

That’s the thing that makes her so snarky with him.

But she needs him to go.

She feels vulnerable with him being beside her like this.

Feels embarrassed too.

He hesitates beside her.

He hesitates and she looks away. Directs her gaze back to her drink. Idly pokes the tiny stirrer up and down moving the ice around in her lowball tumbler.

She hears the heavy sigh that leaves him, but he respects her wishes. He turns and leaves anyway.

Leaves her alone to drown her sorrows.

Today sucked. They lost. She lost.

And yes, she’s a little arrogant. All people who are at the point she is in her career are, but she knows the losses come. Doesn’t mean she likes it, but they’re a part of the job.

They’re an infrequent one in her case but nevertheless one she knows how to handle and she’s not being petulant right now but this case has gotten to her.

This case had Jay turning up at her office telling her not to trust her client. That he knew him to be exactly the kind of man who should be behind bars and then he’d gone and told her that he could give very little further information due to it being confidential. Military intel.

He’d pleaded with her to trust him, and she’d scoffed at him. What the hell does he know about trust?

This case had him showing up in his uniform at the court and it turns out, Jay Halstead in work mode was a lot to handle. He’s every bit as good at his job as she’d imagined. He’s smart and experienced. Calm and deliberate in what he says. He’d provided enough information to the opposing team to convict Knox without divulging any of the army’s tightly kept secrets.

But he’d also been earnest about this case and what it meant to him when she’d verbally sparred with him in her office about it. The look in his eyes when he told her that her firm was on the wrong side of justice in this case isn’t easy to forget.

As it turns out, he wasn’t wrong: Knox deserves to rot in jail.

But she doesn’t know how to handle being around him. Handle his honesty. Not anymore.

She’s nursing her third and final drink when a purse is slammed down with more force than necessary on the bar beside her.

‘Seriously?’ Vanessa huffs. ‘Little Miss I just need a night at home. Little Miss Liar more like.’

Hailey rolls her eyes at her roommate. Vanessa’s flair for dramatics comes as no surprise.

‘How did you find me?’

Vanessa clears her throat beside her. Signals to the bartender that she’ll order whatever Hailey is having but makes no move to answer Hailey’s question.

‘Vanessa, you’re acting like you have a tracking device on me.’

And given how Vanessa’s unit works, it’s not that far-fetched of a proposition.

‘I don’t,’ Vanessa answers throwing a thank you the way of the bartender when he hands her drink to her. ‘I just don’t think you’ll like my answer.’

‘Not much I like about today so…’

‘Halstead’

She turns her head to face her friend. ‘Excuse me?’

Watches Vanessa take a sip of her drink and wince slightly at its sharpness. ‘Jay told me you were here and that he thought you needed a friend.’

Why is he like this? she thinks. He’s infuriating because she tries so hard to hate him.

‘Tracked me down at Molly’s and said you were here. That you might need a friend and from the look of it, he wasn’t wrong.’

‘I’m not drunk,’ she says stubbornly.

‘I didn’t say that and neither did he,’ Vanessa says simply.

When Hailey makes no move to offer anything further. Vanessa says, ‘Hey V, how was your day today? Catch any criminals? Pull off any bad ass take downs?’

‘I’m sorry,’ Hailey says managing a smile at her friend’s antics. ‘How was your day?’

‘Fine,’ Vanessa answers waving her away. ‘What’s up with you is the more pressing question of the night?’

She swirls her drink around in her glass contemplating what she really wants to ask. Decides to just go for it.

‘V, what did he say?’

‘What did who say?’

She’s quiet when she speaks again. ‘Halstead. Jay. What did he say when he found you?’

Vanessa smiles wolfishly and raises her eyebrows at her but Hailey ignores it.

‘That you’d taken the case in court today hard and that you looked upset. He didn’t think you should be on your own.’

God he’s infuriating. He doesn’t get to do that. He doesn’t get to be considerate. Kind.

‘Fuck him.’

Vanessa’s mouth falls open at the vitriol behind Hailey’s words. ‘Excuse me?’

‘Fuck him and his niceties.’

‘Hailey!’ Vanessa admonishes.

She sits quietly. Stewing on it until Vanessa grabs the seat of her barstool and turns it so Hailey is facing her.

‘Okay, enough of this crap. Spill.’

She knows her friend well enough to know it’s unlikely Vanessa will let this go.

‘What?’

‘Why do you hate the guy?’

‘I don’t hate him,’ she offers. ‘Hate requires you to care.’

Vanessa barks out a laugh beside her and Hailey can’t blame her. Her words weren’t entirely convincing. She very much cares. Cared.

‘Dress it up however you want, but he certainly gets right under your skin and you’re not one to get flustered by a hot guy.’

‘V, let it go.’

It has nothing to do with his handsome face. Although, it does. A little. Though it’s not the part that stings.

‘No,’ Vanessa says leaning closer to her. ‘I’m not letting it go. I’ve let you pull a Hailey on the whole situation these last four months but enough is enough. He didn’t need to come and check on you when you behave like an asshole towards him. He certainly then didn’t need to track me down so you weren’t alone. I don’t understand how that equates to, ‘Fuck him.’ What did I miss?’

She can’t get into this here. She just can’t. She won’t be the sad girl in a bar upset over a guy.

‘Vanessa, I’m tired.’

‘I’m trying to help.’

‘Let it go.’

‘No. I’m not letting it go,’ Vanessa reiterates. ‘What the hell is it, Hailey?’

‘He’s married!’

She blurts the words out taking herself by surprise as much as Vanessa.

Vanessa who reels back like she’s slapped her and it’s a feeling Hailey knows well. She’d felt the same all those months ago too.

‘He…what?’

‘He’s married, okay,’ she says bitterly. ‘So all the flirting and the back and forth and the fact that we nearly kissed all those months ago…it was all bullshit. He, he’s married and he didn’t tell me.’

She hates how soft her voice sounds in the moment. How it still gets to her.

‘Fuck him,’ she adds for good measure and knocks back the rest of her drink.

Chapter Text

Four months ago

‘I’m not so sure how welcome I will be. Don’t really think a cop bar will want a lawyer in their midst.’

Vanessa turns to face her, walking backwards down the sidewalk in front of Hailey as they near the entrance. ‘It’s a firefighter bar, not a cop bar and we come here as people - not cops. Come as Hailey, not a lawyer, and no one will care. You’ve met most of my team anyway. Relax. That’s the whole reason I’m bringing you out.’

‘Alright, alright. I get your point.’

Vanessa backs into the door of the bar and Hailey follows her inside. The bar itself is kind of what she was expecting but with far more warmth. The lights strung across the ceiling help, but it’s the feel of the place. It feels comforting.

And she hates the phrase, one of the younger paralegals uses it all the time, but it fits right now: the vibe is good.

Hailey sees Kevin catch Vanessa’s eye from a booth a little further down and Hailey trails behind Vanessa through the Friday night crowd.

She likes Vanessa’s new team. Vanessa says they’re the best team she’s ever worked with and Hailey’s pleased to hear it. She knows her friend’s job is dangerous and she deserves the best damn team around her to back her up otherwise they’re going to have Hailey to answer to.

She’s met Kevin before a couple of times, Kim briefly in passing, and as she settles in to the conversation after grabbing she and Vanessa a drink, she can see why Vanessa is happy at the 21st. They’re friendly. Easygoing and welcoming. Kevin and Adam make for a good double act and Kim is warm and easy to talk to.

Two guys walk past their table and the taller of the two taps the table in greeting as they pass by. ‘Hey guys.’

‘Hey,’ Vanessa’s team answer almost unanimously.

The second man pockets the phone he was looking at and looks up saying his hellos too and Hailey feels her eyes widen in surprise. It’s been over a decade, but he hasn’t changed all that much and seemingly neither has she from the way his eyes twinkle in recognition.

‘Hailey Upton?’

‘Connor?’

‘God, it’s good to see you. Get out here,’ Connor says gesturing for her to get out the booth and come and give him a hug.

She steps into his open arms and smiles. It is good to see him even if it’s a surprise she wasn’t expecting. Connor was never like the rest of his family. Never conceited or showy, but she wasn’t expecting to bump into him in a place like this.

‘Can someone explain what is happening here?’ Vanessa asks.

‘What are you doing spending your evenings with these vagabonds?’ Connor jokes which earns him a playful punch on the arm from Adam.

‘Vanessa is my roommate.’

‘Small world, huh?’ Connor says smiling down at her.

‘Still not answering my question,’ Vanessa sasses and her eyes dart between the two of them. Hailey knowing her well enough to know she’s going to get a grilling later.

‘Connor was friends with one of my brothers growing up.’

‘We used to pick Hailey up from middle school as an excuse to drive around in my car for a bit longer. Sometimes we took her for ice cream when Mini-Upton here wasn’t being too annoying.’

That earns him a shove on the arm that Hailey thinks is well warranted.

It’s been a long time since she’s heard the nickname but it still brings a smile to her face. She and her eldest brother do look incredibly similar and so she got used to being called Mini-Upton growing up. It was one of the few times she felt proud of her family name.

‘Wait, Hailey. You grew up fancy too?’

She rolls her eyes at Adam’s questioning.

‘Calm down. Not Connor Rhodes fancy. We just went to a good school is all.’

‘Alright, alright. Low key fancy. I see how it is,’ Adam grins and she can’t help but laugh.

‘This is Will Halstead. One of my colleagues from the hospital,’ Connor says turning to the man to his left.

The redhead smiles down at her and nods his head telling her it’s good to meet her.

‘Well, pull up some stools, guys,’ Kevin says gesturing for them to join the group.

She shuffles back into the booth sitting on the end and mainly gets drawn into conversation with Connor.

She was never sure of how much he knew of their family situation when she was growing up but from the tactful way he doesn’t ask much of anything about her family, she thinks Oliver had probably told him enough. Or he’d figured it out on his own.

He mentions Oli. Says he checks in time to time. That he seems to be doing good out in Boston.

He is. Both her brothers are doing well. She’s proud of them both and honestly she’s thought about taking a leaf out of their book. Leaving the city. The state.

But then who would be close enough to help if her mom needed it?

‘Oh, hey. I’ll be right back,’ Will says clapping Connor on the shoulder. She glances behind Connor and sees Will make his way through the crowd towards a guy at the bar.

She assumes Will must call his name since the other man turns around and it’s then that Hailey catches sight of his face.

Even through the crowd, she can see how handsome he is. Dark hair styled neatly. Short at the sides. A slight wave to the top. Stubble that looks far too good on him.

His head moves slightly. Almost as if he’s sensed her gaze but he can’t have. She’s fairly certain he’s drawn the gaze of plenty of people as he’s walked in to the bar looking like that. There’s no reason it would be her eyes he’d be drawn to.

She turns away. Refocuses on Connor who smiles in a kind of knowing amusement she chooses to ignore as he sips his drink.

Hailey listens to the table’s conversation for a beat before joining in. The last thing she wants right now is to be on the end of some smug teasing from Connor. It was a speciality of his growing up and she doubts that’s changed now.

Vanessa compliments her team nicely. Hailey smiles listening to the four of them spar back and forth good naturedly. Can see why she’s happy and thriving in her career now.

She senses both men come back to the table before anyone speaks though neither of them are in her eye-line yet.

He smells good, she thinks, whoever this guy is, and the realisation makes her question her sanity. She’s not the kind of woman to be yearning over men in bars.

She watches Kevin clap hands with the guy from the bar as he and Will come to stand the other side of Connor.

‘Yo, Jay. Good to see you, man. How’re things?’

‘Not too bad, you know,’ he answers Kevin easily.

He’s from Chicago then, she thinks.

She takes a sip of her drink as he says hello to Kim and Adam. He seemingly knows Connor well enough to not feel the need to say hi to him.

She keeps her eyes on the table for a moment before she looks up and when his eyes land on her, her heart skips a beat under his gaze and she really hopes the warmth of the bar covers the heat rising in her cheeks.

She’s confident. She’s not sure what it is about him that makes her feel flustered.

‘Hi,’ he says with an easy smile. Reaches his hand across the table to her. ‘I’m Jay. I don’t think we’ve met.’

‘Hailey,’ she says managing a smile in return as she reaches across to take his hand.

‘Also known as my kid brother,’ Will says and it has Jay rolling his eyes.

‘We’ve got Mini-Upton and Mini-Halstead in our midst tonight,’ Connor teases. Grinning around the rim of his scotch glass.

She watches Jay quirk an eyebrow at her in response but he says nothing further about it.

She watches as he also introduces himself to Vanessa before Kevin starts talking to him and his brother once more.

Brothers. They don’t look particularly alike but the two of them are standing in exactly the same position and it makes her smile.

She studiously avoids looking at Connor beside her when she feels his gaze on her.

And she tries to avoid looking at Jay too as the night goes on but it’s fruitless. He’s personable and confident. His laugh is somehow perfect and if she’s not mistaken, he keeps glancing at her too.

She shifts in her seat. Forces herself to keep her head in the game.

The conversation shifts to a case Intelligence have been working on. She knows some of the details already from Vanessa.

The whole thing is a sorry mess but the team are uncovering a tangled web that shows the worst side of the city. Of humanity. It’s noble work but it takes its toll on the people doing the work. The people trying to right the wrongs.

‘You guys considered checking the OEMC records of the suspects?’

Jay’s comment completely takes her by surprise. It seems unsupportive. It seems like he’s telling the officers around the table how to do their jobs.

‘And why the hell would they do that?’ she fires across at him.

And it irritates her that he’s so calm in his response when he speaks.

‘Because the suspects they’re describing fit typical profiles for men suffering from mental health problems - PTSD and other adjustment disorders.’

‘PTSD? Their PTSD?’ she questions. ‘What about the victims they’re leaving across Chicago? What about their families?‘

‘Hailey,’ Vanessa says beside her but she shrugs her off.

‘I’m not saying anything about the victims or their families,’ he parries calmly. ‘But it fits a certain profile. From my point of view, it would be worth checking OEMC calls that fit their profile for the suspects.’

She folds her arms. ‘Says you. What would you know?’

‘Enough.’

She hears the amused noise that leaves Connor beside her.

‘Avoiding answering the question,’ she sasses to him and she swears he smirks at her. Tongue darting out to wet his lips.

‘I’ll answer,’ he says confidently as he sets his drink down. ‘I’ve done four tours overseas. I work in military intelligence now. Help out at the VA too. I’m saying they fit the profiles of veterans due to their skill set and that many veterans may have reached out for help in one form or another - either willingly or not - before it got to this point. It could help to build the bigger picture and subsequently the case.’

She closes her mouth.

Damn it.

‘You a lawyer, Hailey?’ he asks her with a smug grin.

‘One who apparently doesn’t know when to stop being a lawyer,’ Vanessa mumbles beside her.

‘I am,’ she answers ignoring her roommate. ‘What of it?’

‘Nothing,’ he says smiling once more. ‘Seems a good fit.’

Connor chokes on his drink and she feels her own cheeks redden.

‘Another round?’ Jay says to the table and stands to turn back to the bar. His brother and Connor moving to follow him and their action to follow him makes Hailey wonder if his seeming calm regarding the matter they’ve just discussed is a rouse.

‘What the hell is wrong with you?’ Vanessa says smacking her arm.

‘What?’

But when she looks at her friend, she sees Vanessa looks genuinely annoyed.

The only reason Vanessa and her team aren’t still hunched over their desks is because they’re awaiting their next step in their investigation to get signed off by the higher ups. Tonight, their sergeant had sent them all home at a reasonable hour for the first time this week.

‘V, sorry. I -‘

She looks around the table at the rest of her friend’s team and sighs. Vanessa had asked her to leave the lawyer at the door.

‘I…sorry guys. You’re all dealing with enough.’

They wave away her apology.

‘Yo, we appreciate the support,’ Kevin says. ‘But Jay is a good dude and his suggestion makes a lot of sense.’

‘It does actually,’ Kim says. ‘Kind of annoyed we hadn’t thought of it.’

‘Well, I’m sorry,’ Hailey says. ‘It’s a Friday night. Everyone has earned a chance to relax. I’ll sort it,’ she says to Vanessa and slides out the booth.

She winds her way through the crowd until she finds the three of them at the bar.

‘Hey guys,’ she says tapping the bar top beside them. Sheepish smile on her face.

‘Mini-Upton,’ Connor grins. ‘We’ll take these back to the table.’

Connor and Will juggle the drinks between them leaving two behind for her and Jay.

‘So, it’s a Friday night and I definitely went into work mode and I’m sorry. I don’t even know you.’

He tilts his head at her. Says nothing as he picks up his drink to take a sip and it gives her a minute to take him in.

He definitely is a good-looking guy in a way that’s painfully apparent but up close she can see the smattering of freckles across his cheeks. Can see the way his eyes are somehow both green and blue at the same time.

She’s not easily thrown by looks but there’s something about him. Something that interests her.

‘Jay Halstead,’ he says and reaches a hand out across to her.

‘Pretty sure we did this like a half hour ago,’ she smiles and leans on the bar beside him.

‘Well we’re having a do over. No work mode,’ he teases.

She finds herself reaching for his hand once more. ‘Hailey Upton. Nice to meet you.’

‘So, what kind of lawyer are you?’

‘Oh, you’re going straight in for the kill,’ she says on a laugh. ‘Trying to work out if I’m the kind to stay away from?’

His eyes search her face before he speaks again. His voice low amidst the noise of the bar. ‘I already know the answer to that.’

She clears her throat at the way he’s looking at her and moves the conversation on.

He’s charming and smart. Easy to talk to. Actually listens to what she says and seems to give as good as he gets.

She knows she’s smiling as the two of them stand and chat. She knows she has to remind herself to not look at his lips when he talks.

And she’s not aware of how long they’ve been standing chatting until her drink is empty. He signals to the bartender to get two more and then his phone must vibrate as he fishes in the back pocket of his jeans to slide it out.

She thinks she seems the name, ‘Mouse’ on the screen but imagines she’s probably not seen it correctly.

‘I’m sorry,’ he tells her. ‘I need to take this.’

‘Of course.’

She heads back to the table as he heads for the door. The four guys deep in conversation and from the snippets of the conversation she can make out, she thinks it’s about the Hawks.

‘Hi. Remember me - your roommate?’ Vanessa jests when Hailey shuffles in to sit beside her once more.

‘Ha ha,’ she says drolly. ‘I told you I’d make it right,’

‘Yeah, and I appreciate that but that was a two minute job. You two have been all gooey eyed for one another for the last forty-five minutes over there.’

‘I mean, I don’t know your type Hailey, but Jay is a good guy from what I know. Not hard to look at either,’ Kim adds.

‘We were just talking.’

Which is true, they were just talking, but she feels it. That flutter of excitement when you like someone new.

‘About doing dirty, hot things to one another,’ Vanessa teases waggling her eyebrows and Kim laughs so loudly it pulls the guys attentions from the other side of the table.

‘Ignore me,’ Kim says waving them off before she quiets her voice so only Hailey and Vanessa can hear. ‘But I don’t think he’s -‘

‘Hey, sorry. I’m gonna need to head off,’ Jay says to the table as he arrives back. ‘Good to see you all.’

His eyes find hers. Smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. ‘Good to meet you, Hailey.’

She swallows hard. ‘You too,’ she nods.

‘And you, Vanessa,’ he says and she doesn’t quite catch what her roommate mutters under her breath before she returns the sentiment.

His brother stands and if Hailey’s not wrong there’s concern on his face when he walks him out.

And when she gets home that night, there are still images of green eyes and a little half smile on her mind and she’s certainly glad Vanessa had convinced her to go out.

————

Suddenly he’s everywhere.

She sees him again at a breakfast place near her and Vanessa’s apartment that Sunday morning. He’s with a guy neither she or Vanessa recognise but Hailey would put money on the man also being army in the way he holds himself. He’s shorter than Jay, looks a little squirrely, but his back is straight.

The two men are leaving as they enter the place. Jay settling their bill.

‘Vanessa,’ Jay nods to her before his eyes settle on hers. He has the kind of gaze that gives you butterflies. Or gives Hailey butterflies at least. ‘Hailey - good to see you again.’

‘Yeah,’ she nods. Feels her mouth twitch in a smile at the expression on his face. ‘You too.’

She holds his gaze and he looks right back until the guy he’s with clears his throat.

‘Greg,’ he says to them both holding up a hand in greeting. ‘Contrary to my friend heres rudeness, I’m not actually invisible.’

Vanessa laughs and tells him to join the club which doesn’t help matters and Jay rolls his eyes. Reaches up to rub a hand over the back of his neck.

‘I just bought you breakfast man,’ Jay huffs.

‘That moment has passed.’

‘Greg, this is Vanessa. She’s a police officer here in Chicago and this is Hailey.’

Maybe she’s kidding herself but she swears his voice softens when he says her name. ‘She’s a lawyer.’

‘Oh, ohhhh,’ Greg grins raising his eyebrows and looking between the two of them. ‘That’s interesting.’

Whatever is interesting about it, she doesn’t get to find out.

Jay smiles at them both and tells them to enjoy their food but as the two men take their leave, he turns back from the door and catches her eye.

He’s certainly caught her staring but there’s no sense in looking away now. He smiles - smirks really - and disappears out into the Chicago street.

———-

‘You following me?’

They’ve both found themselves in the same nice restaurant in the west loop on a Thursday night.

She can’t say she’s disappointed about the fact. Nor the fact he’s in a shirt and dress pants.

‘See you strike me as a very intelligent person, Hailey. How can I be following you if I was already here?’

‘Cute.’

‘Could be fate, you know.’

He raises his eyebrows at her for good measure. As if it wasn’t already cheesy as hell.

‘Oh you did not just say that,’ she chuckles.

He laughs beside her. ‘I did. Maybe not my finest moment but it made you laugh.’

‘Against my better judgement,’ she corrects.

‘I’ll still take it.’

God, she enjoys his company far too much and the seeming sincerity behind his words in amongst the flirting.

And she knows if she stays here a few minutes more that she’s about to be quizzed about him all night by her colleagues.

That some of them may well have clicked that he’d excused himself from his own table when he’d seen her at the bar anyway.

‘I won’t keep you from your dinner,’ she tells him. More so for her own sanity when he’s smiling at her like he currently is.

She glances over her shoulder at the table he’s vacated. Sees three other men sat around the table all of whom are several years older than Jay. All in immaculately pressed shirts. Assumes it’s a work dinner.

He tilts his head at her. Half smile on his face.

‘I’d much prefer your company.’

And there are those butterflies again. That thrum of wanting. Of being wanted.

‘You know, there’s something you could do about that,’ she says trailing off at the end.

The grin that spreads across his face is knowing. ‘Is there now? I’ll have to keep that in mind. Enjoy your evening, Hailey.’

‘You too.’

He makes it about five paces before he turns around.

‘Oh and Hailey?’

‘Yeah?’ she says looking back up at him.

‘You look beautiful.’

Her heart pounds in her chest as he walks away.

————

There’s a thirty minute recess in the case. One she’d very much needed welcoming the chance to sit outside for fifteen minutes in the fresh air rather than the air conditioned staleness of the courtroom.

Her client is prepped and ready to go and Hailey tells her she’ll meet her back here in five minutes taking the opportunity to go and freshen up.

‘Hailey’

She turns on her heels as she moves through the corridors of the courthouse.

She knows that voice but she needs to see him to confirm that he’s here. In her place of work.

He’s wearing his formal army attire and he looks good. Looks damn good in it if she’s honest. The green of it makes his eyes seem somehow greener and she takes in the various pins and medals adorning his jacket.

She doesn’t know much about the military but she thinks there’s a lot of them. Confirms what she’s suspected - that he’s good at his job. Capable. Smart.

‘Jay,’ she smiles as he approaches her, ‘or am I supposed to call you something else when you’re all dressed up?’

‘You mean handsome?’

But even as he makes the joke he seems to blush a little. It’s endearing.

She laughs. ‘Certainly not modest.’

‘I’m joking.’

She didn’t need the clarification but it doesn’t stop it from being true.

‘So?’

‘Just Jay is fine,’ he smiles.

He goes to say something else but is cut off by one of his colleagues similarly dressed calling to him across the concourse.

‘Sergeant Halstead? Sorry to interrupt.’

‘I’ll be two minutes, corporal,’ he nods politely.

‘You’re a sergeant?’

He reaches up to scratch behind his ear. ‘That’s me.’

‘Wow - impressive.’

‘So is your line of work. On track to be a junior partner I hear.’

That takes her by surprise. She’s certainly not mentioned it. Feels herself blush a little.

‘You been asking around after me, Halstead?’

‘Maybe I just asked Connor to do it on my behalf. Man has connections everywhere.’

She laughs. She doesn’t buy it at all.

‘I do need to go though,’ he says quietly.

‘Me too.’

And though that may be true, neither of them makes any motion to move and he laughs.

‘I’ll see you later,’ he says. A soft smile gracing his face.

‘You sound pretty sure of that for a guy who still doesn’t have my number.’

‘Military Intelligence, Hailey,’ he grins as he backs away tapping his temple for good measure. ‘Military Intelligence.’

Fuck he looks good in that uniform.

————

She can tell it’s him from his cologne as he takes the seat beside her at the quiet end of the bar.

‘Jay,’ she says quietly.

‘Hailey. You okay? You seem,’ he pauses searching for the right word, ‘stressed?’

She throws an empty smirk his way. ‘What a line.’

‘It’s not a line. I’m asking if you’re okay.’

‘Hard day,’ she shrugs. ‘Rough case. I’m okay.’

His gaze softens in understanding. ‘I get that.’

And she thinks he probably does. They’re still getting to know one another but she can only imagine the things he’s seen in his line of work.

‘You want some company?’

Yes, she thinks, but it’s not what she says.

‘Aren’t you here with people?’

‘With my brother and some of the guys from his work. I’m good.’

She looks over his shoulder. Spots his brother’s red hair through the crowd.

‘Connor’s here if you’d rather talk to him.’

She bites her lip at the oddly sweet gesture.

‘It’s okay. Vanessa is on her way down with some of her friends. Think I’d rather do a shot than talk anyway.’

‘One of those days, huh?’

‘I’ll say.’

She does in fact order a shot when the bartender comes back down to their end of the bar. Jay declines the one she orders for him. Sticks with the tumbler of whisky in his hand. She sees off his shot too.

‘You don’t have to babysit me,’ she tells him. ‘I’m a big girl.’

He shakes his head at her turn on phrase. Smirk on his face. ‘Maybe I just enjoy your company.’

‘I’m hardly good company right now.’

‘Doesn’t much matter to me.’

The tequila must have loosened her tongue when she speaks again. Has her leaning in closer to him across the bar.

‘We could just do something else, you know. There are other ways to de-stress I hear.’

His tongue darts out across his lower lip and she contemplates kissing him. Kissing him right there in the bar. She knows it would be good. Would take her mind of everything. Would satisfy the growing attraction between the two of them that’s rumbled on for weeks now.

They both know it’s going to happen. Why not tonight?

But he tilts his head at her and begins to speak. His voice low. Only for her to hear.

‘Hailey, I’m not taking you home when you want to scratch an itch - when you want a quick fuck. I’m not taking you home when you’ve had more to drink than I have and you’re sad or mad or however you’re feeling tonight.’ He reaches out to tuck her hair behind her ear and the gesture is so sweet and caring she almost feels embarrassed.

For all the flirting and bravado between them these last few weeks, he’s a good guy and she’s just propositioned him in the middle of a bar because she feels down. Because he’s gorgeous and kind and she knows he could make her feel good.

She’s an idiot.

‘Hey, no. Don’t think that.’

‘I didn’t say anything.’

‘Didn’t need to. Hailey, make no mistake about it - I want you. I’ve wanted you for weeks now. I still want you, but I want us both to want it with a clear head.’

His words floor her in the moment leaving her momentarily speechless and she can’t look away from him.

‘Hey! There you are!’

They both turn at the sound of Vanessa’s voice. Hailey’s cheeks aflame.

‘Jay - why am I not surprised. Seems I don’t find one of you without the other these days.’

‘Alright, V. We get it.’

She can handle Vanessa’s teasing but she doesn’t want Jay to feel awkward. When he speaks again there’s a smile on his face though. He seems unflustered by it as he nods to them both. Eyes lingering on Hailey for a beat.

‘Ladies, I’ll leave you to it.’

‘Jay,’ she calls out as he walks away. ‘Thank you.’

He nods his head to her and disappears into the crowd.

‘You gonna tell what that was all about?’ Vanessa asks.

‘Nope. Not tonight.’

She decides to call it a night around an hour later. She’s enjoyed Vanessa’s company, her friend always knowing how to pull a smile from her, but she doesn’t have it in her to follow V and her friends out to a club. She wants to get out of these heels, drink a pint of water, and get in bed.

Her Uber pulls up across the street and she stands waiting for a lull in the traffic when she hears her name called.

Turns to see Jay heading towards her down the street from the bar.

‘Hailey, hold up a sec. Will you message me to let me know that you get home okay?’

She nods at him. ‘Wait, I don’t have your number.’

He opens his wallet and hands her a military standard business card and she can’t help but smile as she tucks it into her purse.

‘I’ll message you.’

He steps closer to her and lowers his chin so he’s closer to her height where she stands in her heels.

His voice rough and quiet when he speaks once more.

‘Thank you, and one more thing, Hailey. You and me - I promise it will be worth the wait.’

Even a little tipsy, it sends want coursing through her.

She likes him though. That’s the thing. This guy who watches from across the street to make sure she’s safely in her ride. It’s not just going to be sex. She knows it. Knows it’s why they’ve waited. Why they’ve done this dance in various places across the city.

She’s right there with him.

She wants more than a drunken night too.

And she has a feeling he’s right about one more thing too: it’ll be worth the wait.

Chapter Text

It’s not often her friend struggles to find words but she is right now. Hailey watches her open and close her mouth a couple of times before she speaks again.

‘He’s, he can’t be married. That makes no sense.’

‘Well, I met his wife,’ Hailey says bitterly. She pushes her drink away from her. The alcohol suddenly tasting bitter on her tongue.

‘Shit,’ Vanessa says in disbelief beside her.

‘Yep’

‘Oh my god, I just…I thought he was a bit of a flirt but genuine with it. I mean, I only ever saw him flirt with you. He could never keep his eyes off you. I thought he was smitten with you… I didn’t think he was a dick.’

‘You weren’t the only one.’

And maybe it’s something in the tone of Hailey’s voice but Vanessa changes tact. She shifts in her seat to straighten up a little and Hailey recognises her friend shifting into police officer mode right now.

She wants answers.

‘Okay, rewind. Explain. How did you meet his wife?

‘I don’t wanna get into this here.’

‘Let’s go home then,’ Vanessa says calling the bartender over to settle the tab.

————

Hailey’s barely taken her coat off when Vanessa asks her once more to explain what happened.

She sighs. It was never that she didn’t want to tell Vanessa, but she never knew quite where to start nor how to talk about something that’s left her feeling quite as humiliated as it has.

Anger was safer than talking about it and her hurt being so evident for anyone to see.

She clears her throat and gulps down half her glass of water. ‘So those few weeks last summer where Jay and I were… When we were -‘

‘Eye-fucking one another in every bar across downtown?’

Hailey winces at Vanessa’s words. ‘I wouldn’t have phrased it like that, but yes.’

She folds her legs up underneath her on their couch and absentmindedly pulls at a loose thread on one of the cushions strewn across the couch.

‘It was a couple of days after we’d almost kissed whilst I was waiting for my Uber.

‘The day he told you it would be worth the wait?’

‘Mmm hmm’

Even now, it’s like she can feel him whisper in her ear.

God, those whole few weeks she’d been wound so tightly because she wanted him in a way she’d never wanted anyone and as much as they’d both seemingly wanted the release, they’d enjoyed what was essentially an extended foreplay. The anticipation that lay heavily between them.

And though she was horny as hell, she knew it would be sated and so she’d let herself have the flirting and the teasing. It had felt good. Damn good.

Being around him felt good and not just because she was attracted to him.

Only they never got any further.

Never got any further because she met his wife and it felt like the bottom of her stomach had fallen out.

--------

Four months ago

She’d gone to the bar down the end of the street from her work with a couple of the other guys from her firm. Patrick had closed on a big case today that she’d consulted on and so she’d agreed to pop out for a drink or two with them.

Her eyes scan the bar when she arrives and she smiles when she sees him. And she’s not entirely surprised to see Jay there. She’s seen him there a couple of times now and she’d texted him during the day. Suggested in fact that she might go there after work. Asked if she might see him there.

She’s perfectly sober today. Still wants him just the same as she’d done a few days ago when she’d propositioned him in a different bar.

She thinks she might be done with waiting. That they might be done with waiting.

He’s with a group of people near the bar that she thinks she doesn’t recognise until she spots his brother in amongst them. Realises then that she does recognise a few other faces from Molly’s and assumes they’re some of Will’s colleagues.

Another one of the lawyers at her firm says he’ll grab drinks for them, and she follows the guys she’s come out with to a standing table down the other end of the bar.

Truth be told, her feet are kind of hurting in her shoes right now and she wouldn’t have minded a seat but she’ll take it.

She stands so she can see him in her line of vision across the bar and when Patrick returns with their drinks handing her glass of red over to her, she feels his eyes on her.

Lifts her gaze and smiles at him and he nods his head at her.

He came here because she said she was going to be here with colleagues.

She knows what it means and as much as she wants it, wants him, she needs to celebrate the wins for her team and this one might not be her win, but the guys would do the same for her.

It’s about twenty minutes later when she sees him approach her table on his way back from the bathroom.

‘Hailey,’ he says easily as if it’s a complete coincidence they’ve run into one another tonight. ‘Good to see you.’

He steps closer and dips down to press a kiss to her cheek.

It’s a simple gesture but nothing about it seems simple when it’s him. When she feels his breath by her ear. Feels overwhelmed by the scent of him when he’s this close.

‘Jay,’ she smiles, eyes locked on his, and then remembers they have company. ‘Jay, these are some of my colleagues - Patrick, Riz and Alvin.’

‘Hey good to meet you,’ Jay says easily and shakes all their hands.

‘This is Sergeant Jay Halstead,’ Hailey says.

‘Sergeant? You CPD?’ Riz asks. ‘You look familiar. Maybe I’ve seen you at the courthouse.’

‘Military,’ Jay says. ‘But I am down there sometimes for work.’

‘That’s impressive,’ Patrick says lifting his glass toward him.

‘Thank you. I’ll leave you guys to it,’ Jay says easily to the group before turning to Hailey. ‘Come say bye before you head out. My brother is here too, and I think Connor is heading down.’

She smiles at him as he leaves. It’s smart of him to have dropped in his brother and Connor like that because now the guys won’t think anything of it. Will just think it’s a group of her friends.

‘Seems like a good guy,’ Alvin says quietly to her.

‘Yeah, yeah he is.’

‘Who’d he serve with?’

Very few people know much about Olinsky’s past. The private investigator they keep on their books is the definition of a closed book but she knows he served too.

‘He was in the rangers. Does something with military intelligence now.’

Al raises his brows and Hailey can tell he’s impressed though he says nothing further

And as much as she wants to just head over there. Head over there and ask him to finally follow her home, she stays where she is. Offers to go and get the next round in.

But when she gets to the bar, she glances his way again and smiles to herself at the sight of him laughing whilst he’s talking to his brother.

He’s wearing a maroon button down and dark jeans. Not entirely dissimilar to plenty of guys in the bar but none of them make her heart quicken.

‘He’s a good guy, huh?’

She spins around on her heels realising it’s her whose being addressed and that they’ve caught her observing Jay whilst she waits for their drinks.

Turns to see a woman beside her with a warm smile on her face as she fishes around in her purse for, what Hailey assumes, is her wallet.

‘Jay? You know Jay?’ she asks. Curiosity piqued.

‘Well I know he and Will but yeah, I meant Jay. We served together,’ the woman says handing her card over to the bartender.

‘Wow. That’s wow. Thank you,’ Hailey says. ‘You were a ranger?’

And it shouldn’t surprise her, but she wasn’t expecting it from the petite woman before her.

‘I worked cultural support in the same unit as him on a tour a little over eight years ago now.’

‘That’s amazing.’

Hailey is genuinely impressed. She likes to think she could turn her hand to most things, but she knows the military is not one of them.

‘Thank you,’ the woman beside her smiles, ‘been married almost as long.’

The woman flashes a well-worn photograph from in her wallet in Hailey’s direction. It’s of a group in military uniform and she knows she and Jay must be two of them but she can’t bring herself to look at it.

It hits her like a punch to the gut and she has to remind herself that her body requires oxygen. She needs to breathe. Breathing is important.

‘To Jay?’

She hopes her voice sounds casual when she speaks but uttering that two-word question devastates her.

The way woman beside her smiles in agreement and nods her head has Hailey reaching for her drink.

Married. Nearly eight years.

Married

He’s fucking married and she’s a fool.

And she hates him in that moment and hates herself as much. This isn’t her. She doesn’t want to be part of this.

She feels sick. Feels the blood rush to her head.

Married

God, she‘s a fool.

She realises the woman before her is still smiling at her expectantly.

Knows she needs to force her brain into gear to respond when inside she feels like she’s drowning.

‘Oh erm, congratulations. That’s great. Really great.’

‘I’m Abby by the way.’

‘Hailey,’ she says but her tongue seems too big for her mouth.

‘How do you know, Jay?’

‘Mutual friends. Look, it was nice to meet you, but I’ve really got to go.’

‘You too,’ the other woman – Jay’s wife – says. ‘Enjoy your night.’

She hastily drops the drinks back at the table for the guys. Leaves her own behind at the bar. A glass of wine suddenly the last thing on her mind. She tells them something has come up with her roommate and she needs to go.

Whilst Riz and Patrick seem to accept her at her word, she sees the frown on Al’s face but he lets her go when she meets his eye and tells him she’s okay.

It’s a lie.

She’s not okay but she’s safe. That’s always Al’s main concern.

She makes a beeline for the exit pushing her way through the crowd and is hit by the humid summer air outside only making her feel more claustrophobic in the moment. She hails down a cab as it rounds the corner. Grateful that one is readily available when she hears her name called but she doesn’t look round.

She knows whose voice it is, but she can’t stand to be near him right now. She can’t look at him right now when she feels on the verge of tears she hasn’t given permission to.

She’s angry and embarrassed and hurt.

It hurts to feel like she was stupid enough to fall for some act.

He calls out to her again and she can hear him getting closer as she closes the cab door.

The driver lifts his gaze to hers in the rearview mirror. ‘Where to, miss?’

She gives him her address then studiously looks down at the floor as she feels Jay jogging to a stop beside the cab. She can’t look up and see him right now. How dare he be chasing after her when his wife is inside?

She feels like a fool as the cab pulls away. Hides her head in her hands furiously trying to push the tears back into her eyes as the cab pulls out into the traffic.

She shouldn’t be upset. He’s just an asshole in good guy’s clothing but it hurts nevertheless.

Hurts because he’s made her laugh more in the last couple of weeks than in a long time. Hurts because he seemed to like her sass and her intelligence and her work-ethic. Hurts because they haven’t even kissed, and she was already falling.

She’s a fucking idiot.

‘Miss, are you okay?’

‘I, I’m fine,’ she says sniffing back her tears. He doesn’t deserve them.

‘Okay,’ he says kindly,’ but he’s a damn fool to make you cry like that.’

But it’s worse than that because he’s made her feel like she’s the fool.

He’s made a fool out of her.

--------

‘Geez, that’s…. Hailey why didn’t you say?’

There’s no judgement in Vanessa’s voice. At least not of Hailey anyway. Just that of a friend who cares. A friend who would always go into bat for her. Although that might partly be the reason why she did keep it from her friend who isn’t good at letting things go and that’s all Hailey has wanted to do.

To move on. Put it behind her.

Only it’s not that easy when it involves your heart it seems.

‘I was embarrassed. I still am.’

‘Why? It says everything about him and nothing about you.’

She sighs heavily as she shifts on the couch. Drags a hand through her hair. ‘Doesn’t it? I’m supposed to read people for a living.’

‘Not with your heart though. Or whatever other part of your anatomy you were thinking with.’

‘What’s that look for?’ Hailey asks sizing up the expression on Vanessa’s face.

‘It just - I still don’t get it. Nobody has ever mentioned his wife. No one. I mean, we’ve seen him around enough these last few months. His brother hasn’t even mentioned it.’

‘Maybe assholery runs in the gene pool.’

‘He doesn’t wear a ring either,’ Vanessa counters.

‘Don’t think many philanderers do.’

She’s thought about it. About that fact. She’s never seen him wearing a ring and she’s maybe a little ashamed to admit that she’d googled it: service men and rings.

Had caved one night after having seen him near the courthouse and he’d tried desperately to talk to her.

Had googled if soldiers in the army often don’t wear their wedding rings.

She’d hated herself a little as soon as she’d done it. Has thrown her phone to the other end of the couch but her resolve had only lasted a few minutes before she’d found herself looking at the search results.

She’d only allowed herself a few moments to look at the results. They hadn’t really cleared her head either. Yes, they could wear them although metal rings were discouraged with many favouring silicone. Some wear them on their dog tags.

All of this made sense to her but he isn’t on active duty, so it didn’t really help matters. Didn’t help to clear anything up in her mind.

‘Was she wearing a ring?’

‘I can’t remember,’ she says with a despondent shrug. ‘I wasn’t really thinking straight to check and why on earth would she not be telling the truth? She said they’d been married nearly eight years, Vanessa. Eight. She had a photograph of them in her wallet.’

‘Oh,’ Vanessa says, shoulders deflating a little. ‘You want ice cream?’

‘I could have ice cream.’

Vanessa pats her on the knee as she heads for their kitchen.

Hailey’s mind wanders to today. He was right, Jay, that’s the thing. He was right and assured about this case the whole time. Their paths had crossed frequently these last couple of weeks. They’ve bickered and their interactions have left her feeling unsettled, but he’d been so earnest, so passionate in his pleas for her to see Knox for who he is.

She could see Knox got right under his skin, but he assured her the whole time that the man didn’t deserve their sympathy. That he wasn’t a victim of the war.

That war had enabled him to be the man he really was in the most terrible of ways.

He’d been right, as it turns out. The pain of the loss wasn’t necessarily from losing today. More the case. More what it meant.

And why the hell had he come to find her? And then Vanessa. She’s short with him in all their interactions these days. Terse. Snarky. She’d like to say professional when their paths cross through work but she’s not so sure that’s true.

He sometimes seems hurt but mainly he meets her sass with his own brand of arched eyebrows and teasing remarks but there’s a distance between them now. There has to be. It can’t feel like before.

She won’t let it and he has, at times, seemed at a loss.

Initially, he’d tried to talk to her about it. She remembers how he’d tracked her down at work in the following days when his messages had gone unanswered. Remembers how he’d tried to talk to her but she’d shut him down. Had seen him to the door.

He’d tried again when they’d run into each other around the city. They run in similar circles. Have mutual acquaintances. Mutual friends.

But she’d never told him why she was so pissed at him. Too proud to admit it. Too hurt by his deception and the fact that it bothered her so much.

Remembers how he’d chased after her, again, out onto a sidewalk in the late summer air.

He’d reached for her arm as she’d tried to walk away as quickly as her heels had allowed her but she’d shrugged him off.

‘Hailey, please talk to me. Please just give me a minute.’

With her heart racing, she’d made mistake of looking at him. At how his hair was wavier in the summer heat. At how his green eyes burned fiercely into hers.

It was all too much.

‘I need you to respect the fact that I don’t want to talk to you. That I need you to back the hell off.’

He’d opened and closed his mouth. Completely taken aback by her words but he nodded his head at her anyway. Had taken a step back.

‘I, okay. Of course. If that’s what you want.’

She’d turned and walked away.

And Jay, well he might be a cheating asshole, but he’s abided her wishes the last few months or so. He’s barely spoken to her unless spoken to or when they’ve met through work.

She’d shut down about the whole thing. Told Vanessa to drop it. Glared at Connor when he’d tentatively broached the subject of what had gone on between them. She knows he cares but she doesn’t need advice from some pseudo-big brother about this. Especially not one who seems to be best friends with Jay’s own elder brother.

She was fooled. Plain and simple.

And yet she still feels it when in the same room as him. Her pulse still quickens. She still has to will herself to not look his way. She hates it.

Because she feels like he made her into the oldest cliché in the book - the other woman.

And it’s not her and she hates it.

And she’s trying really hard to hate him.

Chapter Text

‘So don’t be too mad at me.’

That makes her pause. Can’t keep the scepticism from her voice when she replies.

‘Why would I be mad?’

Vanessa pulls out the contents of the canvas bag slung over her shoulder and sets them down on the kitchen island in front of Hailey.

‘I have wine and that disgusting eggnog ice cream you like.’

Now she knows she means business. ‘Vanessa…’

‘I might have been at a certain hospital earlier taking a witness statement.’

‘Vanessa,’ she hisses.

‘And that hospital might be where a Halstead works.’

Hailey feels her eyes widen though not necessarily in surprise; she knows Vanessa well after all.  More the worry about what comes next.

‘Please don’t tell me you did what I think you did. This is exactly why I didn’t tell you because I don’t want it getting back to Jay.’

‘That’s why I bought things,’ she says holding the goods in each hand. ‘Plus, you told me categorically that I could not talk to Jay about this, but you said nothing about his brother.’

Hailey groans and massages her temples.

‘Exactly how much of a mess have you made?’

‘Me - very little actually,’ Vanessa says grabbing the wine opener.

‘Okay, so why the wine?’

‘The wine is for you.’

Vanessa pushes the glass towards her. It’s a hefty pour and Hailey wonders quite what is coming but it’s one of her favourite bottles, so she takes a sip anyway.

‘He’s not married.’

She chokes on her wine. Feels the red burn her throat a little as she tries to comprehend what her friend has just said.

‘What?’

‘He’s not married, Hailey.’

And just like that her world spins on its axis once more.

‘But I met his wife.’

Vanessa moves to perch on one of the kitchen island stools beside her.

‘Well, I asked his brother if he was married and he said no. Asked him if he was married last year, recently divorced et cetera and he said no.’

‘What?’

‘Asked him if he was covering for his brother and if his brother was a cheating douchebag to which he said, You’ve met him, right? We talking about the same guy because he would be so bad at adultery. The man’s guilt complex is a mile long and he’s loyal to a fault.’

‘I don’t…’ she starts only to be cut off.

‘Drink your wine. So Will then kept talking. About the guilt complex thing. Might have used you as an example.’

Her heart is pounding in her chest. Has she really gotten this all so wrong?

‘Vanessa, what do you mean?’

‘He said, and I quote, Come on, the man is still hung up on whatever he did to upset your roommate over the summer. Hasn’t dated anyone since. My brother is many things but he’s not a playboy.’

Oh god.

Oh god.

‘V, I don’t. I don’t understand.’

‘Me neither really,’ Vanessa says honestly.

‘But he was married,’ she says in disbelief. ‘I met his wife.’

‘I don’t have all the answers, but you know who does?’

Her stomach feels queasy.

‘Jay does.’

‘Yeah. I got that, Vanessa. Thanks.’

‘Also,’ Vanessa says pouring herself a glass of wine. ‘I told Will I have a crush on Jay to make my line of questioning less weird so now he thinks I’m a terrible friend to you when really I’m the best.’

‘Thank you, V.’

‘You need the ice cream?’

‘Just pass me a spoon.’

————

What is she doing?

She could call him. She could absolutely call him but instead she finds herself here outside the military offices stated on the back of his business card.

And she was doubting herself for coming anyway. Now she’s doubting herself even more realising the security protocols in place here.

But she hands over her ID to the crotchety looking sergeant behind the desk.

‘He expecting you?’

And the question makes her doubt it was ever a good decision to come here. Only she’d tossed and turned all night and then been distracted in the office at work all morning.

‘Oh, no,’ she says moving to back away from the desk. ‘No, he’s not. If it’s a bad time, I’ll just go.’

‘Hold up, Goldilocks,’ the other woman says holding a hand up to stop Hailey in her tracks. ‘Sergeant Halstead is on site today. Let me call through.’

Hailey stands whilst the sergeant phones through. Takes a few deep breaths to calm her nerves. Tells herself she’s a badass and she can do this.

‘This way,’ the other woman says. ‘He’s in his office. You’re fine to go on up.’

Hailey walks through the body scanner then spreads her arms as one of the soldiers on site scans her again with a metal detector.

‘Osman, do me a favour and take Ms Upton to Sergeant Halstead’s office please.’

‘Of course, ma’am.’

‘Thank you,’ Hailey tells the sergeant who she thinks smirks at her before she disappears back around the corner to her station.

————

‘Come in,’ he says without looking up from the open file on his desk.

Sergeant Platt said he had a visitor on his way up so the knock doesn’t take him by surprise.

He tries to work with his door open a lot of them time but the documents he’s currently working through are confidential and have required his full focus, so he’d shut himself away for the morning.

‘Hi.’

He nearly drops his pen. Of all the voices he was expecting to hear, it wasn’t hers.

But if someone asked him about the voices he wanted to hear, well, even after all this time, she’d be top of that list.

‘Hailey,’ he says rising to stand. ‘Is everything okay?’

She doesn’t answer him, and he can see she’s uneasy. She’s beautiful, as she always is. Her cheeks are flushed pink, and he can’t quite work out if it’s the cold from outside or whatever the reason is that bought her here.

‘You wanna sit?’ he offers gesturing to one of the seats the other side of his desk.

She takes two steps towards the chair and lowers herself to sit in her coat before she almost immediately stands back up unable to settle.

‘I’m sorry to just show up here,’ she says quietly.

He rounds the desk to stand before her. Wondering what it is that has her looking so out of sorts.

He’s hated it but he’s grown accustomed to her ire these last few months. He’s usually met with a terse comment or a sassy remark but this Hailey before him seems hesitant, vulnerable, and if he thought for a second she’d accept some comfort from him right now, he’d offer it.

‘Hailey, it’s fine. Really.’

He watches her shift her weight from foot to foot in her heels. He’s only ever seen her in heels, and he always itches to know quite how small she is without them.

A force of nature in a tiny package.

She bites her bottom lip and then finally lets her eyes settle on his.

‘I need to talk to you, but I don’t really know what to say.’

Her words do little to settle the unease he’s feeling in his chest right now. He thinks something is wrong.

‘You’re okay? You’re safe? Not in danger?’

‘No, no. Nothing like that,’ she answers. A brief smile skirting across her face.

He watches her look around his office. Sees her eyes take in the sea of documents spread across his desk.

‘You’re at work and I shouldn’t have barged in.’

‘You’re always welcome.’

He means it. He’s meant that since the moment they met. Means it despite everything that has transpired since then.

He watches her eyes search his office once more though he’s not sure what for. He’s not been sure of much between them in recent months but he knows how he feels about her. Knows she’s the only woman who’s held his interest since they met. Knows she is who he wants.

He just wants a chance to make things right. To try and fix whatever he’s seemingly broken. He just needs her to talk to him. To let him in.

‘I need to get back,’ she says with a sad smile. The kind that turns down at the corners rather than up.

Back? She just got here.

‘Hailey?’

‘Sorry for taking up your time,’ she nods to him and turns for the door disappearing as quickly as she came leaving Jay alone in his office once more.

What the hell just happened?

———-

She’s almost to the front doors of the atrium when she hears him behind her.

‘Hailey. Hold up a sec.’

And this time, unlike when he’d chased after her in the summer, she stops. Feels the heat rise in her cheeks when he approaches her. Realises they definitely have an audience in the sergeant standing behind the desk.

She turns to face him, and she thinks he’s run down here to catch up with her.

‘I’m sorry, Jay,’ she says quietly. ‘You’re working and I shouldn’t have just turned up here uninvited in the middle of the day.’

‘I am working, you’re right,’ he says. His voice quiet to match her own, ‘but I want to listen to what you have to say, Hailey.’

There he goes being the same man she’d met over the summer. Making her feel as she had then.

God, she’s made such a mess of it all.

He takes a half step closer. Dips his head until he’s looking her in the eye.

‘Why don’t you text me when you’re done for the day and we can talk then?’

‘Okay,’ she nods. ‘Okay. I’ll talk to you later.’

She’s topping up her water bottle in the break room later that afternoon when Alvin comes in. Takes off his flat cap and settles himself down into one of the chairs.

‘You good, Upton?’

‘Me? Fine. I’m fine.’

‘You’re skittish today,’ he hums as he thumbs through the newspaper on the table before him.

‘I’m not skittish,’ she scoffs.

‘Yes, you are. Got anything to do with your little excursion earlier.’

She arches a brow at him. ‘You mean my lunch break?’

‘I mean with you going to see Sergeant Halstead’

‘What the hell, Al! Your job isn’t to follow me.’

‘Absolutely isn’t,’ he shrugs. ‘It was just a hunch but you just confirmed it. Look I saw you in the area on my way back from getting intel for Patrick. Just put two and two together.’

‘How did you get four by me just being in the area?’

‘You want my honest answer?’

‘Always,’ she says folding her arms over her chest. ‘Yes.’

‘He was the reason you fled that overpriced bar you all like in the summer, and you clearly knew each other better than you were letting on. He’s also the reason the Knox case bothered you so much, but I looked into him a little.’

‘Alvin,’ she warns.

‘I was curious,’ he says as he turns a page in the paper before him before looking back up at her. ‘Can’t find anything that doesn’t suggest he’s a good guy, Upton. Stellar reputation in the military. Helps out at the VA too since he moved back to Chicago from working at Fort Belvoir.’

Hailey nods at his words. There’s no sense in keeping things from Olinsky. The man is far too squirrely and astute. 

And she could ask him. She could absolutely ask Al about the married thing, but she wants to give Jay the chance to explain first.

She owes him that much.

But she’ll keep Alvin and his uncanny ability to sniff out the truth as a backup.

--------

When she shuts her laptop down for the night, she turns her phone over and over in her hand.

Hey, it’s me

She cringes once she hits send. He knows it’s her. That’s how technology works.

Hey

She types out several responses but nothing sounds right. He beats her to the punch anyway.

You eaten?

Not yet

Wanna grab a bite to eat? There’s a good hole in the wall place up in Wicker Park. I know it’s cold out but I promise their burgers are good.

Sounds good. Send me the address. Meet you there in twenty?

See you then

--------

If she thought the second attempt at talking to him about all this would quell her nerves, it doesn’t. It hasn’t.

She sees him standing outside the little eatery looking out for her and he smiles a little when he sees her. Raises a hand in greeting and she thinks, as she gets closer, that maybe he’s a little nervous too but then she’s been hot and cold with him.

But he doesn’t press her as they grab a table. Smiles lightly when he gestures for her to order first when the waitress comes over.

He tells the waitress he’ll have the same as her and then they’re left alone, and she opens her mouth to say something. Anything at all when someone calls his name.

‘Halstead - that you?’

Jay apologises to her and stands to his feet shaking the other man’s hand as he passes by. Hailey sees who she can assume are the man’s wife and children standing a little off to the side behind him and as the two men talk, she uses the moment to take Jay in.

He’s got the same navy sports coat on she’s seen him wear before. Can see the brown sweater he has on underneath. His stubble a little more grown in than when she first met him. It’s suits him. Somehow makes those eyes of his stand out even more.

‘I’m sorry to interrupt your night,’ the man says to Hailey.

‘That’s okay,’ she smiles.

‘Alan, Alan Dempsey. Jay here has helped me out at the VA’s office so I just wanted to say hello. Introduce him to my family.’

‘Pleasure to meet you,’ she says as the other man leans over to shake her hand with a warm smile.

‘Yeah, you too.’

She watches as the guy says goodbye to Jay. Tells him he’ll be in touch soon.

‘Sorry,’ Jay says as he takes his seat once more. ‘Just a guy I know from the VA. It’s nice seeing him doing so well actually.’

‘Of course.’

The waiter reappears with their beers and tells them their food will be right out.

Watching him be normal with the other vet sets her at ease a little. She knows they need to talk and they can’t sit here all night in semi-awkward silence.

‘You must think I’m crazy,’ she starts.

He tilts his head at her. ‘Today? Or in general.’

She rolls her eyes at him. But it’s helped. The humour. ‘Today. Mainly.’

The corner of his mouth twitches in a smile.

‘Hailey, you don’t have to tell me anything, but I meant it earlier when I said I’d listen. I just wanna know you’re okay.’

She lets out a heavy breath. Watches it curl in the evening air between them.

‘I thought you were married.’

His mouth falls open and he shakes his head a little.

‘What?’

‘Are you?’

He looks puzzled for a minute before he responds. ‘Am I married?’

She nods at him. Eyes fixed on his face searching for the truth in his answers.

‘No,’ he says fervently. ‘No, I’m not married, Hailey.’

Her heart hammers against her ribcage. He’s not married.

It’s everything she’d wanted to be true and somehow still tinged with sadness. It’s all such a mess between them now.

She looks down at the table before looking back up at him. At the hurt and confusion on his face.

‘Right. Yeah, that’s what Will said.’

‘I doubted Vanessa had a crush on me,’ he smiles.

She puffs out a laugh at his words.

‘I spoke to Will earlier tonight before I came here and he told me about what Vanessa had said,’ Jay says kindly. ‘Hailey - why did you think I was married?’

‘Because I met your wife.’

He leans closer to her. Confusion furrowed across his brows.

‘My wife?’

‘She told me her name was Abby,’ she says quietly.

‘Oh god.’ He runs a hand down his face scratching through his stubble. ‘That night at the bar?’

She nods at him. She can’t deny it even if it all might seemingly have been a huge misunderstanding now.

‘That’s why you…‘

He trails off. That’s why you left. That’s why you were crying. Why you’ve been hurting and angry these last few months. Why you begged me to leave you alone.

There are so many ways he could finish that sentence but he has the kindness not to.

She shrugs. She’s trying here but it’s hard to let her guard down like this. To let him know how much the thought of his deception had hurt her.

‘Shit, Hailey. I’m so sorry. I should have thought or realised that might be the case.’

And at his words, the lawyer in her kicks in.

‘Why didn’t you?’ she asks.

‘I didn’t go back inside,’ he answers. ‘The bar, I mean. I sat out on the curb after you left. Connor came out. He’d seen me leave to follow you and when I didn’t come back in, I guess he got curious. I talked to him for a bit and then I left.’

He’d sat out on the curb and she’d sat in a cab fighting tears on the way home.

‘I only know she was there because Will told me the next day. I never thought…I just assumed she’d turned up later.’

‘So you do know her?’

‘Yes,’ he answers quickly. ‘Yeah I do know Abby. We served together out in Afghanistan. That’s how I know her.’

He’s telling the truth and her chest hurts with the knowledge that he would have told her the truth all those months ago too if she’d only given him the chance.

‘Was she your wife?’ she asks. Hates how vulnerable her voice sounds in the quiet between them. ‘Were you married? Why would she say that if they weren’t married?’

He nods slowly. ‘I was married to her. A long time ago.’

And oddly, his admission makes her feel better. Makes her feel a little less crazy.

‘She said you’d been married for years. Is that…is that true?’

‘Yes and no.’

How is that possibly an answer to what she just asked him? She bristles in her seat. ‘Jay, look you were either married to her or you weren’t.’

‘I was,’ he says holding up a hand to try and placate her. ‘I was but I didn’t know it.’

Her head spins.

‘What? I don’t…this isn’t.’ She pushes her chair back and rises to stand. She can’t do this. That doesn’t happen in real life. ‘This isn’t a soap opera, Jay.’

His hand reaches for hers across the table. The contact is swift but it’s enough. Enough to know whatever lay between them is still very much there.

‘I know that, Hailey. I know it’s real - believe me. It’s my life. Please just hear me out. Hear me out and then if you still want to leave, I’ll respect that. Just give me a minute, please.’

She knows he would. He’s respected her wishes all these months. All their contact has been on her terms bar for the Knox case.

‘One minute,’ she agrees. ‘The burger is good.’

He smiles at her and lets out a sigh of relief when she sits back down.

‘Abby served with me on one of my tours. She ran cultural support for us.’

‘She uhm, yeah, she said that.’

‘And she was great. Good at her job. Smart. No idea how she managed to put up with a whole squad of guys, you know. We got on. I respected her but I never had any feelings for her.’

She can’t spot the lie in his words but it still doesn’t make sense.

‘But you married her?’

He nods but it’s a sad gesture. Weighted. ‘A guy from that tour didn’t make it home from his next one. He was such a good guy, you know. Had so much going for him.’

She sees it. Sees the pain dance across his face. Watches him push his food aside.

She says his name. Goes to tell him that he doesn’t need to do this, but he holds up a hand to stop her.

‘No, I wanna tell you.’

He takes a beat to get the words out but his gaze settles firmly on hers when he speaks. He wants her to hear this and she’ll respect that. Can tell already this isn’t something easy for him to share.

‘His funeral was in Vegas. The guy actually lived there. Sometimes I forget it’s a place people live and not just a destination.’

Hailey smiles sadly at his words and waits for him to continue. Watches him drag a hand through his stubble and rub the back of his neck.

‘I took it hard. He was twenty-six. Two years older than me. Had a wife who he was just besotted with. They’d been high school sweethearts. Got married young but they were so happy. When they buried him, there wasn’t anything left to bury bar his dog tags. They had to identify him by his dental records.’

Her heart clenches in her chest.

‘I drank too much when we were out there for the funeral. We all did. I,’ he pauses and clears his throat. ‘I was like blacking out most nights. And one night I remember Abby telling me that nobody understood her. I remember telling her I knew that feeling too and then not much else after that: a chapel; waking up the next morning; and not an awful lot else. I have like zero idea how they let people that drunk get married. It’s hardly a decision to be proud of but it was eight years ago and one night. I filled in all the paperwork to have it annulled the next day.’

It’s a lot to take in. She pushes her own food aside too. No longer hungry.

‘You can ask,’ he says tilting his head at her in understanding.

‘I don’t understand then. Why would she tell me she was your wife?’

She listens as he talks. As he tells her that he hadn’t spoken to her in a couple of years. That the last time she’d checked in was when he was leaving Virginia and coming back home to Chicago. That she’d told him she was happy. That things were going well for her.

‘Anyway, the next time I heard from her, was in the summer. She showed up in Chicago a few days before you saw her I guess. She’d been trying to get in touch with me for a couple of weeks, but I’d put off calling her back. I like my life now. I didn’t really know what good it would do dredging up old ghosts. That night we first met at Molly’s, the phone call I took, that was from my oldest friend.’

‘Mouse?’

‘Nothing gets past you, does it?’ he smiles and it’s one of the first that meets his eyes all night. ‘That’s Greg by the way who you met at breakfast that time. Mouse is just his nickname. Anyway, she’d tracked him down trying to get a hold of me and then a couple of weeks later, she spoke to Will and so I got in touch. Wanted to make sure she was okay.’

She sees him rub at the back of his neck once more. Realises it’s something he does when he’s nervous. Hesitant.

‘And uhm, yeah. She told me she was getting married so I needed to sign the divorce papers.’

‘What?’

‘That was pretty much my reaction. She’d never filed the annulment papers and I should have checked,’ he says bitterly. ‘I should have asked for proof or whatever but I had no reason to think she wouldn’t do it and I had like a hundred reasons to put Vegas behind me. I deployed again about a month after that. Got a call from a staff sergeant I’d worked under. They needed a replacement sniper, and I said yes. I left to go to war and honestly, what happened that night was the furthest thing from my mind.’

‘Why hadn’t she filed them?’ Hailey asks.

He shifts in his seat and if she’s not mistaken he looks embarrassed and it’s enough for her to know that the words that follow are genuine.

‘She told me she was in love with me,’ he starts, before pausing to take a heavy breath. ‘I don’t, I don’t know if that was true or if she just felt lost or if she was lonely. It can be hard to adjust to the real world again. I had no idea she felt like that for me - then or now.’

She’d been in love with him. Hailey’s not all that surprised by his words; she’d seen it on Abby’s face that night in the summer. It’s what had left Hailey feeling so certain it was true all this time.

‘So that’s me. I don’t have a wife, Hailey. I’ve never felt married.’

‘You’re not married to her now still?’

He shakes his head. ‘I went with her to file the papers whilst she was still here in Chicago. It’s all settled.’

‘And was she getting married?’

She knows it’s a lot of questions, but she needs to know. This is how she works. This is how she thinks. This is what she should have done in the summer.

He shakes his head. ‘No. No, she wasn’t.’

‘Your brother told Vanessa you weren’t married recently.’

He clears his throat. ‘I haven’t told him. He knows about Vegas but not about what happened over the summer. Felt a bit embarrassed about the whole thing actually.’

She watches him shake his head despondently before he continues.

‘How does someone not know they’ve been married for years, you know? I’ve dated people in that time. I’ve been in a serious relationship. I mean, I lived with someone and I was married to someone else. I just felt pretty awful about the whole thing and so I kept it to myself.’

That’s something Hailey can relate to. She understands the regret she sees on his features too even though she’s struggling to find him at fault for any of it really.

‘I can show you the papers if you want. It’s all done with now. Annulled. Divorce is for when a marriage ends but this was never a marriage. This was a bad decision that lasted eight years.’

She shakes her head. The sincerity is written all over his face. ‘I don’t need you to show me, Jay. Thank you for telling me.’

His hand moves across the table, and she thinks for a moment he might be reaching for hers until he seems to think better of it. ‘Thank you for talking to me about it. I would have… I wish I’d…’

She clears her throat. It’s too much. Too overwhelming. It all still hurts in the moment.

She believes him when he says he didn’t know he was married, that he didn’t feel married, but she needs to sort her own head out.

She needs some time. She needs to think and she can’t do that when she’s near him.

‘I should go,’ she says quietly.

He opens and closes his mouth once before he speaks. ‘Yeah, it’s pretty cold out.’

She stands and he rises to stand as soon as she does and she’s taken aback by his manners once more.

‘I’ll get the bill.’

‘Hailey - I’ve got it. Let me get it.’

‘I, okay. Thank you.’

‘Will you let me know when you get home?’

She nods to him feeling her emotions about to get the better of her. She manages to get out a goodbye.

His own voice soft when he replies.

‘Goodnight, Hailey.’

--------

Her mind is still spinning a little when she gets home. Feels the kind of exhausted that seeps into your bones.

‘Saved you some dinner,’ Vanessa calls out to her as she hangs her coat.

‘I’ve eaten. Thanks though.’

‘Where did you eat - outside?’ Vanessa laughs. ‘You’ve brought the cold in with you.’

‘Yeah, actually. Had a burger.’ She moves to grab a glass of water. ‘With Jay.’

Vanessa’s eyes widen. ‘Oh? And?’

‘Not tonight, V. I’ll talk to you. I just feel ready for bed now.’

And when she climbs into bed, she opens up their conversation on her phone.

I’m back home

Thanks for dinner

Thanks for letting me know

Night Hailey

———

‘Okay, so this is wild,’ Vanessa says as they share breakfast the following morning.

‘I know.’

‘But it’s the truth?’

‘Yeah, yeah it is.’

She knows it - feels it - and at some point she’ll probably let herself sit with the fact that she knew something felt wrong this whole time she’d thought him to be anything but the genuine guy he is.

‘You still like him, right?’ Vanessa asks kindly.

There’s no sense in denying it and her friend is a trained observer.

‘Yeah, I do V’

‘Then tell him.’

‘Is it that easy though? This whole thing is such a mess.’

Vanessa shakes her head at her imploring her to listen. ‘It’s not a mess. The circumstances might have been a little messy but they’re two separate things.’

‘Are they?’

‘How you feel about him isn’t a mess. How he feels about you isn’t either. It was circumstantial messiness and now that’s resolved.’

That pulls a smile from Hailey.

‘You’ve spent too long living with a lawyer.’

‘Yeah, a badass one who fights for what she wants.’

She dips her head and runs a hand through her hair.

She does. She does want Jay.

‘Just think about it, okay. You could just tell him that you like him. From what you’ve said, I think there’s very little risk involved there. He sounds as into you as he ever was.’

--------

She makes it through the workday.

Makes it through the workday until she finds herself once more standing outside a military building on a cold, December day as the dark is lit up by Christmas lights adorning the city.

She hears the doors open and looks up to see the same sergeant approaching her from the day before.

‘Argh, lawyer Goldilocks - you’re back. You know you look awfully suspicious out here pacing up and down in front of a military building.’ The woman nods to the two soldiers standing either side of the doors. ‘You’ve got Heath and Paulson on edge.’

‘I, I’m sorry,’ she says before turning to the two men. ‘Sorry.’

‘Anyway, he’s on his way down. Figured I’d save myself the trouble of signing you in.’

Hailey feels herself gape a little at the woman’s insight and brashness and hopes like hell her and Alvin’s paths never cross because nobody would ever have any privacy.

She turns and looks over the female sergeant’s shoulder to see Jay appear in the doorway.

‘Hailey. Everything okay?’

‘Mmm hmm,’ she nods.

Jay turns and raises a brow in challenge to his colleague who relents and disappears back inside leaving the two of them alone bar the officers standing guard.

‘Sergeant Platt said you’ve been pacing?’ he says gently.

She comes to a stop and faces him. Sees the hesitant smile on his face at the sight of her. Feels her own heart thrum in her chest in anticipation and when his smile widens, the words spill out of her mouth.

‘Will you go out with me?’

Chapter Text

He wonders for a moment if he’s heard her right. If she’s really come all the way down here after she’s finished work for the day to ask him out.

It’s already done something to his insides, made his stomach somersault in a way he feels like he should be past now that he’s a man in his thirties.

And all of that might be true, but it’s Hailey.

It’s Hailey who captivated him in that bar all those months ago. It’s Hailey who is whip-smart and beautiful with a smile to light up any room.

‘You’re asking me out?’

She nods at him. Bites her lip adorably.

He doesn’t need time to think even if her question has taken him by surprise tonight.

‘Yes’

‘Yes?’

He feels himself smile. ‘I would love to go out with you.’

Her dimple pops in her cheek and her eyes sparkle in a way he hasn’t seen in his company since the summer. It’s not something he’ll ever take for granted.

‘Okay. Okay, good.’

‘Though there’s a condition,’ he tells her taking a half step closer and she grins at his words.

‘There is, huh?’

‘Let me plan it.’

It’s not easy to catch Hailey Upton off guard but he thinks he might just have but she nods at him fighting a smile. ‘Okay.’

--------

‘You look great.’

She turns at the sound of Vanessa’s voice to find her roommate standing in the doorway to her room.

‘Yeah?’

‘Hailey, come on,’ Vanessa tells her padding over to perch on Hailey’s bed. ‘You always look great. Jay always thinks you look great.’

Hailey turns and takes one final glance at the mirror before nodding to herself. She’s nervous.

She can admit that. She’s nervous because she cares. Because she feels like she messed up these last few months. Nervous because it’s Jay and right from the start, through it all, she’s felt drawn to him. Through it all, it’s felt different with him. It’s felt like it’s had the potential to be different from the start.

The doorbell rings and Vanessa raises a brow with a smug grin. ‘He’s a come to the door kind of guy, huh?’

Not one part of it surprises her.

He greets her at the door with a soft smile and a kiss to her cheek. Tells her she looks beautiful and she feels the effect his words have on her.

He’d told her they were going for dinner but that nice casual would be fine. Told her they would be outside for some of the time.

She makes it about ten minutes until she caves and asks him.

‘See I had this idea last summer,’ he says glancing over at her from the driver’s seat. Off her look, he smiles boyishly and continues. ‘I had plans, Hailey. Plans for us.’

Her heart flutters in her chest. ‘You had plans?’

‘Yeah, for a date. Dates plural in fact.’

Dates plural. It seems such a simple thing but it’s nice to hear they were – are – on the same page. That he wants what she wants.

‘So you were confident then?’

He chuckles beside her. She’s missed that laugh.

‘That I was going to do everything that I could to not mess this up? Yeah.’

She dates. She’s dated. She’s had a couple of long-term relationships but something about being with him feels different.

‘Guess I messed it up anyway,’ he says quietly.

She turns in her seat to face him a little better. ‘You didn’t, Jay. You haven’t,’ she reassures. If anyone has messed up, she thinks it might be her and so she tries to take his mind off it a little. ‘What did you have planned?’

‘You let slip that you liked being outdoors and Vanessa kept teasing you about your plants that first night at Molly’s so I was gonna take you to one of the observatories for a walk and then get some dinner. Just something low-key but something I thought you’d like.’

Two tiny details she’d let slip months ago and he’d remembered. He’s exactly who she thought he was. Hoped he was.

‘I would have.’

‘Good.’

‘So tonight?’

He relents and tells her where they’re going. ‘The winter equivalent of that, I guess. Thought we could go check out the Lightscape at the Chicago Botanic Garden. I’ve booked us tickets but we don’t have to do that if you don’t want to. I made our dinner reservation first.’

‘No, no I want to. That sounds really nice.’

Dinner is lovely. The food is great but the place is still casual enough that it retains a sense of warmth. Festoon lights are strung across the beams on the ceiling making it feel homey.

He tells her Connor had recommended the place and she shoots him a smile. Asks if he’d asked for advice.

‘Just if he knew any good places for dinner in the area and it’s Connor - of course he knew.’

Hailey laughs at that.

‘I didn’t say it was for you and I.’

She sees the question in his eyes.

‘You could have.’

‘Okay, good,’ he smiles and takes a sip of his wine and she might not have said the words but they both know what she’s saying. That people can know. That she’s in.

He’s polite and charming with all the staff at the restaurant. He’s kind and patient with the teenage waiter who seems to get a little flustered around her.

Tells her that he can’t blame the kid and it has Hailey smiling into her dinner.

Sometime later, they head over to the Botanic Gardens and join the crowds of happy families, couples and friends walking amongst the lights under the stars. Christmas music filters out through the speakers as they walk along.

It’s lovely: the light show and the company.

‘You like the holidays?’ he asks her when she tells him she likes the Christmas song that next comes on.

‘I do. They, erm, weren’t always the easiest growing up but they still felt special, you know.’

‘Will you do something with Vanessa for Christmas?’ he asks. ‘Family?’

‘My brothers live out of state so I’ll just FaceTime them and my little niece and then V and I will do Christmas. How about you?’

They both slow to a stop to take in a particularly impressive part of the light display. He’s smiling when he responds but his words seem loaded. ‘I used to like Christmas.’

‘You telling me you’re the Grinch now?’

‘No,’ he laughs but it’s a quiet thing. ‘No, it just…my mom passed away around this time of year.’

She glances up to her right. Sees the pain of the memory on his face displayed as the light display dances across his features. ‘Jay, I’m so sorry. Forget I said anything.’

‘No, Hailey,’ he says kindly. ‘It’s okay. I brought it up. It was a long time ago and I don’t spend my holidays moping but she kind of made the holidays magic, you know. Guess it just doesn’t feel the same anymore without her is all.’

‘I get that. I really am sorry.’

The two of them fall into step side by side once more.

‘Don’t be. Though I guess I kind of dampened the first date mood.’

‘You haven’t.’ She takes a breath and tells him something that’s been true since she met him. ‘I like getting to know you, Jay.’

He turns to his with fondness in his smile. The kind that makes his eyes light up before he tells her what Christmas looks like for him these days.

‘Will and I normally hang out since I’ve been back on US soil. Have a couple of drinks if we’re not on call. He attempts to do a turkey.’

‘Attempts?’

He chortles underneath his breath and he next words out of his mouth make her laugh too. ‘Some years it’s great and others it’s just…not. He should just stick with a recipe that works. You?’

‘Yeah, I can cook a turkey.’

‘She says with confidence.’

She shrugs lightly. ‘My parents owned a restaurant growing up so yeah, I can cook.’

‘Okay, wow. So you really can cook. Okay, favourite thing to cook?’

‘Anything Greek.’

‘Interesting.’

‘You?’

He tilts his head from side to side and she watches his breath curl in the air before him in contemplation. ‘Just like some grilled chicken or something.’

She smiles widely but says nothing in response. Somehow nothing about his answer surprises her. She supposes you don’t get to look like he does by eating takeout constantly.

‘What?’ he asks. ‘What’s wrong with that?’

‘Oh, nothing is wrong with it,’ she teases.

They slow as they enter one of the light tunnels as people stop here and there to snap photos.

‘This looks beautiful,’ she says. There is something kind of magical about the whole place. They’ve done a good job of trying to capture the spirit of the season.

He hums in agreement beside her but when she glances up at him, his eyes are on her not the lights and it makes her heart race.

She smiles as she watches him offer to take a photograph for a family attempting to take a selfie underneath the illuminated walkway.

He is who she thought he was. Kind, genuine, easy to talk to. Kind of sassy when he wants to be. He still gives her butterflies, but she feels like she can be herself around him. It’s a heady mix.

‘Would you like me to take a photo of you both?’ The mom of the family Jay’s just helped offers.

She sees Jay turn to her looking like he’s uncertain how to say no without if coming off as weird, so she takes the bull by the horns.

‘That’s really kind of you - thank you,’ Hailey smiles catching him off guard as she hands over her phone.

Jay comes to stand beside her and he raises his brows at her.

She leans into him and feels his hand come to rest on her waist tucking her into his side and even through her coat, she can feel herself reacting to his touch.

‘That’s a lovely photo,’ the woman says handing Hailey back her phone. She pockets it quickly barely looking at it and Jay doesn’t comment as they continue round the route.

‘Can I ask you something?’ he says quietly.

And she knew this was coming. Knew at some point he would ask.

‘How come you didn’t tell me? All this time - why didn’t you yell at me or chew me out? You’re a force of nature, Hailey. I could never work out what it was that I’d done to hurt you.’

She’s good with words. Has to be in her line of work but she has to summon some courage to find them now.

‘I was hurt.’

‘I know,’ he says caringly. ‘I’m not trying to blame you for not telling me.’

‘I know that, Jay.’

He’s quiet beside her and she appreciates his patience.

‘I just, I felt embarrassed.’ She knows her voice is barely above a whisper right now, but he hears her anyway. She sees it on his face in the way his expression falls. ‘I don’t, I don’t let people in all that often. I don’t risk feeling too much but then with you… and then I felt like an idiot.’

‘I’m so sorry, Hailey.’

‘You didn’t do anything wrong, Jay.’

‘But if I’d have just -‘

‘Just what?’ she tells him. ‘I yelled at you to respect that I wanted you to leave me alone and you did. You have nothing to apologise for.’

He nods but she’s still not sure he believes it. ‘Okay.’

‘I’m sorry though.’

‘Hailey you don’t -‘

She holds up a hand to stop him. Feels her heart flutter with anticipation. Feels emotion building and the last thing she wants to do right now is cry but somehow this conversation feels vitally important.

‘Please let me say this. I like you, Jay. A lot. I liked you then and I like you now and when I thought you weren’t who I thought you were, it hurt. It hurt because I felt like I knew you. I felt like you got me and I don’t trust easily but I wanted to trust you so badly.’

‘Wanted?’

She feels a smile tug at her lips. ‘Want.’

‘Good,’ he says and slowly reaches out a hand to land on her waist. ‘Me too, Hailey. Let me prove to you that I’m who you thought I was.’

She nods feeling a little breathless at the way he’s looking at her right now.

‘You told me you had plans?’ she asks. ‘Do you, do you still have them?’

‘I have plenty of plans when it comes to you and me, Hailey. All kinds of plans.’

‘Good.’

His tongue darts out to wet his lips and a smile winds its way onto his face. ‘I’m gonna kiss you right now. Feels like it’s been a long time coming.’

She feels every nerve in her body alight as his other hand lands on her cheek. ‘You told me it would be worth the wait.’

‘Oh, it will be.’

‘So cocky.’

A chuckle rumbles free from him as he cards a hand through her hair making her breath hitch.

‘Hailey,’ he murmurs. ‘Stop talking and let me kiss you.’

‘Okay.’

His lips meet hers and everything else just fades away.

--------

The drive back home feels torturous in the best possible way when all she wants to do is kiss him now she knows how good it feels. How kissing him feels better than any kiss she’s known before.

He slows his truck to a stop and hops out to come and open the passenger door for her telling her he’s had a great time. He steps close enough that they’re both breathing in the same air. That same pull she’s felt towards him since they met seems only to have multiplied tonight.

‘Goodnight, Hailey.’

She looks into his eyes. Thinks she sees her own expression mirrored back at her.

‘Jay, I don’t want you to go.’

He tilts his head at her but dips his head to kiss her. ‘I didn’t want to assume. I know that’s where we were heading last time but I don’t know if you still need time or -‘

She pulls him to her and kisses him senseless standing on the sidewalk outside her place. Decides to go for honesty.

‘I don’t want you to go anywhere except upstairs with me right now.’

‘Is Vanessa home?’

‘I think so.’

His fingers flex on her hips. ‘Will you come to my place with me instead then?’

‘Yeah,’ she smiles. ‘Yeah, I’d like that.’

‘Look I’m gonna be straight with you - I want you to stay the night so if you want that too and wanna grab some stuff I’ll wait for you.’

And normally his request would make her a little jittery; normally it would trigger her flight response but not with him. She wants it. Wants tonight and more.

‘Yeah, give me five minutes.’

She makes an effort to be quiet as she potters around putting a few essentials into a bag. Thinks she’s managed it when she locks the door behind her but it seems she isn’t quite as stealthy as she thought when her phone lights up in her lap with a message from Vanessa.

Sneaking back out huh? Have fun!

There’s no sense in her trying to deny it.

See you tomorrow

Yes girl!

--------

Hailey follows him up to his apartment. Hailey.

They’re finally here after all these months and misunderstandings.

She’s here and lining her boots up next to his by the door as he takes her bag and sets it down in his room. She’s staying.

‘You don’t have a tree?’ she asks taking in his place.

‘I don’t know, it’s just me here. I have lights,’ he says and flicks them on bathing the lounge area in a warm glow.

‘You want a drink?’

‘I could have another drink.’

‘What do you want?’ he says.

She follows him over to his kitchen area and he opens one of the higher cupboards to show her the spirits he has.

‘There’s wine and beer in the fridge too.’

He laughs when she stands on her tiptoes to try and see into the cupboard and he leans in to lift her up to sit on his island so she can see.

‘I forget how small you are,’ he grins. ‘You’ve always been in heels when I see you.’

‘Well now you get to see me in my socks.’

He looks down at her feet and smiles at the sight of them. It makes him happy to get to see this side of her. One he’s wanted for so long now.

‘Can you see now?’

She pokes him in the shoulder. ‘I can see. I might have another glass of wine actually, if that’s okay?’

‘I’ll join you.’

‘You can pick,’ he tells her letting her look in the fridge and at the bottle of unopened red on the side.

‘This is obnoxiously healthy,’ she tells him looking at the contents of his fridge.

He chuckles behind her coming to place his hands on her hips as she pulls out a bottle.

‘Would you rather I was a slob?’

‘No,’ she grins as he pinches the bottle from her hands.

They settle on the couch, and he flicks on a lamp along with the Christmas lights across the top of the fireplace.

‘Your place is nice,’ she hums.

‘Will’s ex helped me to decorate it. More of a function over form guy.’

She laughs. ‘She’s not his ex because she helped you decorate, is she?’

‘God, no,’ he chuckles. ‘Will kind of messed that up all on his own. What kind of a dog do you think I am?’

‘I don’t think that about you at all,’ she answers easily, and it feels damn good to hear it.

‘Good.’

There’s a moment between them where they just take one another in and then he sees her shiver a little. He’s turned the heat on since they came back but it’ll take a minute to warm through the place with the high ceilings his apartment has.

‘You cold?’ he asks her.

She goes to say she brought a hoodie in her bag but he’s already on his feet reaching for a sweatshirt that’s hanging from the hook on the back of his bedroom door.

‘Thank you,’ she smiles gratefully and pulls it on and damn it if it isn’t maybe the most endearingly gorgeous thing he’s ever seen.

--------

He gives her his sweatshirt and when she pulls it on, she’s engulfed in the smell of him that’s always made her want him from the start. She folds her legs up beneath her out of habit then apologises when she sees him smiling at the fact.

She shouldn’t be making herself at home.

‘No,’ he says reaching out to place a hand on her knee when she goes to move. ‘I want you to feel comfortable here.’

And this is the Jay Halstead way that made it impossible to not fall for her. He manages to get her hot under the collar and make her heart melt all at the same time.

She thinks for a moment he might slide his palm up her leg – she’d welcome it – but he doesn’t. He settles back against the couch cushions, and they talk back and forth as they sip at their wine.

It’s lovely. By far the most comfortable she thinks she ever might have felt on a first date, but it still doesn’t quite feel like them.

And how he respects her she can absolutely appreciate, but it’s more that that. It feels a little like he’s being careful in the wake of everything that’s transpired between them. This gentlemanly side to him she always knew was there, but she doesn’t want him to feel like he’s walking on eggshells.

She wants the flirting and the fire that’s always been between them as well as this and though she thinks her words might not be the most eloquent, she does her best to tell him as such.

He reaches a hand up to rub the back of his neck. Sheepish smile on his face.

‘I, maybe I was a bit. I guess. Being careful I mean.’

‘I know we can’t go back to the summer but we can move forward. I don’t want you to feel like you have something to prove to me. So, let’s get it out of our system.’

He shifts closer to her on the couch. Amusement on his face. ‘Oh, I see. One and done? Get me out your system, huh.’

She pokes his thigh with her foot. ‘That is so not what I meant and you know it.’

‘I know. So what are you saying…sex away the apprehension?’

His words are ridiculous but it makes her think she was right to bring it up. He’s listened. Understood. Feels like they’re on the same page. ‘Who says sex away?’

‘Me,’ he grins, eyes darting to her lips. ‘I said sex away.’

‘You gonna put your money where your mouth is, Halstead.’

‘I’ll put my mouth in all sorts of places.’

She laughs as he sets his wine down on the coffee table and then reaches to pluck hers from her hand.

‘Hailey, I like you,’ he tells her. His hand reaching up to cradle her cheek in his palm. ‘I really fucking like you. You’re beautiful and smart and you drive me crazy in the best kind of way.’

She swallows hard at his words.

‘I told you it would be worth the wait,’ he murmurs to her, ‘and I’m a man of my word.’

She’s not sure who closes the distance between them but she’s not sure it matters when kissing him feels like this. When being kissed by him makes her crawl out of her skin with want.

They make quick work of removing his shirt and she willingly lifts her arms for him to take off the hoodie of his she’s been wearing and her own shirt underneath leaving her in her bra on his couch.

‘You’re stunning, Hailey,’ he whispers against her lips.

She moans his name as his lips find her pulse point and then he’s lifting her up and into his arms as he walks them into his bedroom. He sets her down on his bed and she impatiently reaches to undo her bra.

Gasps out his name and reaches for him as his hands begin to wander. As they trail down her chest and his lips follow suit. He kisses her breasts, and his eyes lock onto hers as he does so and she thinks it might be the hottest thing she’s ever seen and he’s barely touched her yet.

His name falls from her lips as his fingers toy with the top of her jeans and she knows he’s waiting for confirmation from her.

‘Take them off, Jay.’

She feels on the edge already. Feels desire pool deep within her as he unbuttons her jeans and slides them down her legs pressing kisses down her thighs and back up until he reaches the lace of her panties.

He teases her. Drives her insane kissing her anywhere except where she really needs him to. Kisses her until she feels about to combust.

‘Jay,’ she groans, ‘I’m so done waiting. I want you.’

It’s all the invitation he needs to drag her panties down and lift a leg over his shoulder before giving in to what they both want.

And he’d been absolutely right - it’s worth the wait. He makes her feel boneless almost instantly and she’d feel embarrassed if he wasn’t pressing a wet kiss to her stomach mumbling against her skin how perfect she is. How fucking amazing she is.

She hauls him up to her and pulls him in for a kiss. Desperate and wanting him still.

Reaches her hands down to unbuckle his belt and he helps her to tug them off before she reaches a hand into his boxers.

‘Hailey,’ he groans as she moves her hand.

He kisses her hard and rolls them until she’s hovering above him.

‘You set the pace,’ he tells her. Voice gravelly as she rocks herself on him. ‘Tell me what feels good, Hailey. What you like.’

You. Just like this, she thinks.

He’s gorgeous beneath her as she rises on her knees and lowers herself down onto him moaning at the sensation. Biting her lip as she adjusts to the feeling of him.

‘Christ, you feel incredible,’ he says lifting a palm to her cheek. ‘You’re incredible.’

But she thinks it’s them, the two of them, that feel incredible. That feel right.

His hand trails down to her hips as she starts to rock back and forth and both of them lose their ability to form coherent thoughts.

--------

She lays curled into his side after they’ve both cleaned up. Her hand trailing nonsensical patterns on his chest and he pulls her closer still.

He’d asked her to stay before they’d even gotten here. She brought a bag for that exact reason but knowing that and letting herself have this moment with him are two different things.

Staying over is different to sex. Planning to stay over something else entirely.

‘Can I see the photo that lady took earlier?’ he asks.

‘Oh, yeah. Of course.’

She reaches for her phone on his side table and pulls up the last photo in her camera roll as she hands it to him.

‘It’s a really good photo,’ he says smiling down at her phone. ‘I wasn’t sure when you hid it so quickly earlier.’

‘I didn’t hide it because it was bad.’

He shifts so he can see her better. A silent question in his gaze.

‘It just…I don’t know, gushing over a photo on the first date seemed kind of lame.’

‘But what we just did on a first date, you’re totally fine with? I’m learning a lot about you right now.’

She pokes him in the chest rolling her eyes at him for his teasing. ‘Shut up.’

‘I am so tempted to say you could make me right now.’

‘Oh, that’s corny,’ she laughs.

‘Hailey,’ he says as he lifts himself to hover above her. ‘I love that photo. I don’t care if it’s our first date or our fiftieth.’

‘Okay then,’ she says and her heart pounds in her chest. ‘I kind of love it too then. Fifty dates, huh?’

‘Fifty dates.’ He lowers himself down to kiss her and she loses herself in him once more.

--------

They lose track of the time. Both content to just be with one another but eventually tiredness creeps in and she fights a yawn that has him telling her that they should get some sleep.

‘I don’t...I can’t sleep like this,’ she says a little awkwardly about how she’s currently lying with her head on his chest.

‘Oh, sorry.’ He shifts away from her slightly giving her some space.

‘No, I’m sorry. I just - ignore me.’

‘Hailey, you’re half naked in my bed. I couldn’t ignore you if I tried.’ He reaches out a hand to tilt her chin up so she’s looking at him. ‘Talk to me.’

‘I, you’ll think I’m stupid.’

‘Try me.’

‘I have to be in my sleep position.’

He tries and fails to fight the smile on his face. ‘Your what now?’

‘See I knew it,’ she groans hiding her face in her hands. ‘I knew you’d tease me.’

‘More intrigue than teasing. For now, at least.’

She opens one eye to look at him. Feels the embarrassment pinken her cheeks. ‘I just, I can only fall asleep in one position.’

‘Your sleep position?’

‘Well, yeah.’

‘Right,’ he smiles in amusement. ‘That’s fine.’

‘Just like that?’

‘Just like that. I mean, I kind of liked holding you but we don’t have to fall asleep like that. I want you to be able to sleep.’

‘Okay,’ she nods. ‘Okay. Thanks, Jay.’

‘So, show it to me.’

‘Show you what?’

‘Your sleep position.’

She hesitates for a moment before turning over to face the other way and shuffles into position hearing a throaty chuckle rumble loose from his chest that has her turning back to face him.

‘What? What is wrong with that?’

‘Nothing,’ he laughs. ‘You just disappear. The sheets are half over your head. You’re face-planting the pillow. It’s all very cute.’

‘Leave me alone.’

‘Oh I am,’ he says not even attempting to keep the teasing tone out of his voice. ‘I am literally leaving you to your sleep position like you asked.’

‘I know it’s weird.’

‘It’s not weird,’ he tells her pressing a sweet kiss against her lips. ‘Do what you gotta do, Hailey. You’re here. You’re spending the night with me. You sleep however the hell you want to. This is all I’ve wanted for months.’

‘Jay,’ she breathes out overwhelmed by his words. He’s not alone in feeling like that.

‘And hey, I have nowhere to be tomorrow morning so I want you rested. I have plans.’

‘Yeah, I’ll bet you do. Night, Jay.’

‘Night, Hailey.’

Chapter Text

He’s been in Virginia for the last four days running some training down at Fort Belvoir. The agreement when he moved back to the Chicago office was that he would do a few training sessions for them each year down there in tactical analysis and informed response.

He’s spoken to Hailey every day on the phone, mainly just briefly, but he can’t say he’s not missed her.

He never falls this hard. Never feels so much so quickly.

But now that he knows what it feels like to really have her, he has no intention of letting her go.

Mouse had picked him up from the airport and Jay invites him up for a beer but his friend smiles coyly and tells him he has a date.

Jay teases him about it - as a good friend should - but he’s pleased for Mouse. He’s finally in a good place once more working as a civilian contractor for the CPD working out the headquarters on Michigan Avenue.

And he’s glad, truth be told, that his friend hadn’t come up when he steps out the elevator on his floor and sees the gift beside his door because Mouse would never let him live it down.

Regardless, it pulls a smile from him. His tiredness from travelling forgotten.

He turns over the tag attached to it, but he can only think of one person who would do this.

A gift from me to you - H x

She bought him a tree. She bought him a Christmas tree. It’s three foot tall and it leans to one side a little, but he loves it.

He sets it on the side table in his lounge area moving it slightly so he can put it near a socket.

Quickly showers away the plane feeling and heads back out in search of what he needs.

He sends her a photo of him picking up a pack of decorations in a nearby store and her response comes through quickly.

Oh you’re going all in, huh?

Also, hi

Hi

Yep. You bought me a tree. That’s not a gift to squander

Flight okay?

All good. Glad to be back

He sends another photo an hour or so later when he’s put the decorations on and he can’t quite believe he’s sending a photo of the Christmas tree he’s decorated for a girl he’s dating.

But then she bought it for him. It’s the first tree he’s had in his own place since his mom passed. When he briefly lived with an ex-girlfriend of his a couple of years back, they never got to the holiday season.

He steps back and takes it in. The tree is definitely a little sorry for itself, but he doesn’t really think that matters. Thinks his mom might like that he now has a tree at Christmas once more. Thinks his mom too might just like the woman who bought it for him.

Her reply comes through about fifteen minutes later.

That actually looks pretty sweet

Although is that the Grinch?

He sniggers and looks at the tiny Grinch ornament he’d hung. He and Will had loved that movie growing up.

I can’t see a Grinch

Jay

He chances his luck. Sue him – he’s eager to see her.

You could come over and see for yourself…

And what…check out your baubles?

A laugh shakes free from him at her response. She constantly surprises him at every turn.

😂 Are you drinking?!

Little bit 🤏

Out with Vanessa and her asshole sometimes boyfriend

Eggnog was strong

You good? Having fun?

There’s only so much Luis I can take

And he’d frowned a little at the description Hailey gave of Vanessa’s ‘asshole sometimes boyfriend’ since Hailey clearly doesn’t rate the guy but now he feels keen to know she’s alright.

One thing that is evident about Hailey from the start is that she can take care of herself, but he also doesn’t much like the thought of her feeling stuck and a little tipsy in a bar across town.

He hesitates. Wonders if he’s overstepping but he hits call feeling confident she’ll laugh at him being worried or tell him where to go if she doesn’t need him right now.

She picks up quickly and he can hear the loud thump of music in the background.

‘Hey. Hailey, can you hear me?’

‘Hey, let me get somewhere quieter.’ There’re a few moments where he imagines she’s moving on the other end of the line and then suddenly the music in the background quietens. ‘I’m here.’

‘How’s your night going?’

She sighs before she responds but he can still hear the smile in her voice. She’s clearly alright. ‘Yeah, it was fine but now I’m done.’

‘I get that. Where’d you guys go?

She tells him the name of a bar he doesn’t recognise but he does know the block she’s on and it’s not the greatest. He knows it’s not somewhere she’d choose if she was picking.

She only confirms as much when she tells him it’s not really her scene.

‘You waiting for Vanessa or do you want me to come get you?’

‘You don’t need to do that,’ she says but he hears it in her voice. The gratitude for the offer. ‘You’ve had a flight today.’

‘Hailey, I’m fine. It’s like a two-and-a-half-hour flight. Do you want me to pick you up? I’m offering.’

She pauses but then she’s as decisive as ever.

‘Yes’

‘Then I’m coming.’

He wants her to get home safe but he also really wouldn’t mind seeing her. Giving her a hug. Kissing her senseless.

‘Okay. Thank you, Jay.’

‘Wait inside till I get there, okay. I’ll come find you guys.’

It only takes him about twenty minutes to get there and he flashes his ID to the guy on the door as he heads inside spotting Hailey down the far end of the bar. Her face lights up when she spots him and she makes her way over to him.

She looks beautiful. Her megawatt smile painted red tonight.

‘You came,’ she hums happily.

‘You asked me to,’ he answers simply.

She smiles at him and leans into his space pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth and telling him thank you.

‘Oh, look. Surprise, surprise – a Hailey and a Halstead. It’s like the summer has returned.’

He laughs at Vanessa’s words when she appears over Hailey’s shoulder. Offers her a ride home too but she tells him she’s fine.

‘I’m gonna hang out with Luis. It’s fine.’

And something about Hailey’s words from earlier make him wonder if that’s the best idea and maybe it isn’t his place but he can at least offer them both a lift to somewhere.

‘You both need a ride?’

She waves him off. ‘You’re decent, Halstead. Anyone ever tell you that? Night, Hails. Have fun with your soldier. Love you, girl.’

‘Love you too, V,’ Hailey says accepting the hug from her friend. ‘Call me if you need anything?’

Vanessa rolls her eyes at her and backs away back to the dancefloor.

He offers to take her home but she tells him with a grin that she wouldn’t mind coming to see the tree.

She’s a little tipsy, but she’s fine. Nothing a glass of water and a couple of Tylenol won’t solve. Despite having spoken a little each day, she’s keen to hear more about his trip. Listens with care.

It’s nice. Been a long time since he’s dated someone who’s shown an interest in his work and not merely tolerated it or run in the other direction from it.

She reaches for his hand in the elevator. Wraps her fingers around his little finger and he smiles at the sight. She really is tiny.

‘One tree,’ he tells her holding his arms out to present it as they step inside his door.

He watches her toe off her heels and walk over to it. Fingers tracing over some of the ornaments. ‘I like your Shitmas tree,’ she tells him on a grin.

He throws his head back and laughs and yes, the term Shitmas tree is absolutely sticking. He closes the distance between them and kisses her softly murmuring his thanks for getting it for him before he asks what she needs.

‘Just some water, thanks. I really am okay. Just didn’t have time to eat dinner before we went out and the alcohol was strong, but I didn’t have much.’

‘You want a snack?’

Even the thought of skipping a meal makes Jay feel jittery though Hailey seems unfazed by it. His brother constantly teased him in their teenage years about how much food he would put away but he needed the energy for track practice and soccer. Then later being in a specialised unit in the army.

‘What do you have?’

He beckons her closer and opens up the cupboards for her to peek in. She rummages through his and holds up a peanut butter protein bar. ‘These good?’

‘Yeah, they’re pretty good.’

She tells him thank you and tears into it asking him how his last day of training went.

She nods along as she polishes off the protein bar and drinks her water before getting another glass. This time when she settles on the couch beside him, she practically sits on his lap and her fingers run through the hair at the nape of his neck before she kisses him and then looks at him with those eyes of hers that make him weak at the knees.

‘I like you, Jay. I hope you know that. Always have.’

‘I’ve always liked you too.’

And he’s on the verge of telling her that he’s always going to like her. It’s always going to be her but he stops himself.

It’s too soon but he knows. He absolutely knows it’s her.

She leans closer to kiss him again, but her lips don’t reach his as she hides a yawn behind her hands that makes him chuckle.

‘Come on,’ he says tugging her up from the couch. ‘I’ll find you something to wear.’

She pouts adorably.

‘But I –‘

‘Hailey, you’re tired. Come on. Just come and sleep. My baubles will be there another day,’ he smirks.

His comment earns him a playful poke to his side but she doesn’t try to hide her grin. ‘Good to know.’

He hands her off one of his T-shirts. Asks her if she wants to borrow some pants too though he hardly thinks he’ll have anything that would stay up on her except maybe a pair of his boxer shorts.

‘I’ll be okay in this,’ she mumbles as she pulls off her clothes and drops his shirt down over her head.

He fell for the version of Hailey she portrays to the world. The one who wears silk shirts and pencil skirts. Form fitting dresses and heels. And though they’re part of her, part of what makes her her, he adores this side to her. The one with messy hair and his T-shirt falling off her shoulder. The one who seems to have taken custody of his grey sweatshirt since he leant it to her that first night.

He hands her a spare toothbrush and his face wash, and she kisses him on the cheek before disappearing into his bathroom.

‘What time do you need to be up?’ he asks her as he strips down to a T-shirt and boxers himself before he slides under the covers to join her.

‘Hmmm, little after seven should be fine,’ she tells him scooting across to toss a leg and an arm over him.

‘Okay. I’ll be up by then,’ he tells her and she squeezes him a little tighter. ‘Hey, come on. Get in your sleep position so you can go to sleep. It’s late.’

‘I’m good right here,’ she says softly. ‘I missed you.’

She burrows closer into his chest and he feels it. Feels it thrum though him: how he feels for her.

‘I think I can sleep like this,’ she tells him quietly. ‘I want to try.’

He presses a kiss to her head.

‘Night, Jay.’

‘Night, Hailey.’

She’s asleep in his arms within minutes.

————

Are you home?

His phone lights up where he’s just set it down on the counter the following night.

Just back from the gym

I’m downstairs

And just like that, the familiar thrill of being around her, being in her company, zips through him.

Come up

‘Hey, I wasn’t expecting you,’ he says holding the door open for her to come inside when he hears her knock.

‘Well, I thought I’d make up for last night. Falling asleep on you after you being away for a few days.’

‘You don’t need to make up for anything.’

‘Jay,’ she says. Her voice low as she places a hand on his chest. ‘I am wearing some very expensive, very lacy matching underwear right now.’

‘Then I am open to all and any forms of making up.’

————

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas, Hailey

It’s only a text message but it starts his Christmas day off well. He heads over to Will’s after taking himself out for a run and the two brothers enjoy their afternoon together as they piece together their Christmas dinner with the sports channel on in the background.

‘Am I going to curse it if I say I don’t think our phones are gonna ring today?’

He groans loudly from where he sits beside his brother on the couch as the evening starts to slips away. ‘Will.’

‘I know, I know. Don’t curse it, but we have,’ he pauses and checks his watch, ‘two hours to go. I’m hopeful.’

Both of them are on call this year so it’s been a very sober Christmas day.

‘You speak to Nat today?’ he asks his brother.

Will drags a hand through his hair. ‘Yeah, briefly. Mainly to talk to Owen. I dunno. Not sure we’ll ever get it back this time around.’

Jay doesn’t quite know what to say to that. For a long time, he thought his brother and Natalie would always find a way through but the last year has been hard for them.

‘You speak to Hailey?’ Will asks him and Jay knows him well enough to know his brother is changing the subject.

‘Yeah, she messaged this morning. She and Vanessa are spending the day together.’

‘That’s cool. Things seem good between you two.’

‘Yeah,’ he says and can’t help the smile that tugs at the corner of his mouth. ‘They’re… I dunno. I know it’s early days but it just feels right, man. She’s amazing.’

His brother reaches across to squeeze him on the shoulder. ‘And you sorted out whatever the problem was in the summer?’

‘I, uh, yeah. Yeah, we did.’

‘Jay?’

‘Listen, there’s something I should probably tell you about all that.’

And maybe it’s not exactly a Christmas tale, but Jay finally opens up to his brother about what had happened with Abby.

‘Whoah,’ Will says leaning back against the couch cushions.

‘Yeah.’

‘Why didn’t you say? I already knew about Abby and Vegas and everything.’

‘I was embarrassed,’ Jay says honestly. ‘Who’s stupid enough to not check they’re divorced?  Just, whatever the opposite of having your shit together is - that’s how I felt.’

‘A hot mess?’ his brother offers.

‘Yeah,’ he laughs, ‘that.’

‘I get it, but you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry it happened but I’m glad you and Hailey sorted things out. You were gone for her that first night in Molly’s bro. Her too.'

He smiles at his brother’s words. He won’t even try to deny it.

--------

He heads home late in the evening. He might be off tomorrow but his brother has a shift and needs to get a good night’s rest before working the insanity that is the ED at Christmas time.

As he pulls into his parking space, he sees a new message from Hailey that pulls a smile from him.

You had a good day?

Yeah, you?

Good. How was the turkey?

He smiles that she’s remembered their conversation from when they’ve visited the Botanic Gardens together.

A success

A Christmas miracle

V is passed out on the couch beside me.

And when he thinks about it, he really wouldn’t mind finishing his Christmas day off with hearing her voice.

Can I call to say hi for a min?

She must be having the same thoughts as her name lights up his screen with an incoming call that has him turning for the door leading to the stairs.

‘Hi,’ he grins as he answers.

‘Hi. You have fifty-seven more seconds,’ she sasses.

‘I’ll use them wisely.’

‘You okay? It sounds weird.’

‘Yeah, I’m just taking the stairs up to my apartment in case I lost you in the elevator.’

‘You just getting back from Will’s?’

‘Yeah. Think I’m old. Feel kind of tired now. Must be the turkey.’

‘Sure. That’s it,’ she says. That now familiar teasing lilt to her voice.

He pretends to be frustrated by her response but he’s absolutely not. He loves getting to talk to her, be teased by her.

‘You don’t even know how old I am. I could be younger than you.’

He’s fairly certain he’s not and it’s proven when he hears her switch to lawyer mode through the phone.

‘You told me you did four tours overseas and you hold the rank of sergeant which is earned with experience and skill. You also said you worked in Virginia when you first came home. And you talked about your age a bit when you mentioned…you know,’ she says a little awkwardly regarding his whole marriage fiasco. ‘Feel like I could kind of work it out from there.’

‘I’m thirty-three.’

‘Ha. See. Older than me,’ she hums.

He groans and it has the warmth of her laughter drifting through the phone as he speaks. ‘Please don’t make me guess. I feel like I’m only going to get in trouble.’

‘I’m thirty-one. Turn thirty-two next spring.’

‘Good to know.’

‘Why’s that?’

‘So I can plan something nice to celebrate.’

She’s quiet for a beat through the phone.

‘I’d like that, Jay,’ she says softly, and it seems like another moment for them. Acceptance that they’re in this together for the long haul. ‘Give me a min and I’ll call you back. I’m just gonna wake Vanessa up and send her to bed before she moans all of tomorrow about how she slept on her neck funny.’

‘Yeah, of course.’

He’s just locking up for the night when his phone lights up again ten minutes later.

‘I kind of wish I hadn’t drank so much wine in the day,’ she tells him as he heads for his bedroom.

‘Oh yeah? Bad head?’

‘No, no. I’m fine,’ she says quickly. ‘Just wouldn’t mind seeing you.’

He doesn’t even try to fight the smile her words bring to his face.

‘I’m good to drive.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah’

‘That’d be good,’ she whispers.

He’d love to see her. ‘You want me to pick you up or?’

‘No, no. That’s way too much driving for this time of night. Come and stay here -if you want to.’

‘I want to,’ he says and he’s already grabbing a change of clothes from his closet and his washbag from the bathroom. ‘I’ll message you when I’m outside.’

And when she opens the door to him with a smile on her face twenty minutes later and steps into his arms, the moment tucks itself away in his mind as one of his favourite Christmas memories.

————

‘Morning,’ she grins sleepily nuzzling into his arms.

‘Good morning.’

He presses a kiss to her head and holds her close. He’s been awake for a while but he’s more than happy to stay right where he was with her hair splayed across his chest.

‘Do you have plans today?’ she asks him.

He doesn’t actually. He has today off. He’s on call but besides that, he was planning on going for a run and not a lot else. Relaxing. It’s not always something he’s particularly great at.

Thinks it’s something he could become good at with Hailey by his side – enjoying the quieter moments.

‘Not really,’ he tells her. ‘You?’

‘Not really, but I know I want coffee right now,’ she grins.

He shuffles to move on instinct. It’s cold and he doesn’t want her to leave the bed, but he then remembers they’re at her place and not his.

‘I’ll go,’ she says pressing a kiss to his lips. He watches her pull on his T-shirt and a pair of socks before padding quietly out the room.

He’s not sure how he got so lucky. The last few weeks have felt so good. Right.

It’s new and he’s not naive to the fact that the start of relationships always feels exciting. There’s always butterflies and the urge to be with one another. Touch one another as much as possible.

But it’s different. All of this feels different in the best kind of way.

He pushes himself to sit upright in the bed. Takes in her room in the early morning light beginning to filter in through the curtains. It feels like her. Polished but unfussy and everything smells of her. Everything.

He kind of loves it.

Loves it too when she tiptoes back in with a steaming mug of coffee in each hand.

‘I don’t know why I’m creeping around,’ she says to him as she climbs back in beside him. ‘Vanessa sleeps like the dead.’

He takes a sip of his drink and raises a brow at her. ‘I mean, I can be quiet but…’

She laughs and smacks him on the arm before smirking around her coffee. ‘No comment.’

Turns out both of them can keep quiet when they need to as they spend the next couple of hours wrapped up in one another.

Or so they think until Vanessa taps on the door and asks if they’re both decent before saying she’ll make a start on breakfast.

‘I’ll go give her a hand if that’s okay?’ Jay asks her and she nods to him. Says she’ll have a quick shower and come down to join them.

They’ve always stayed at his place since he lives alone but he likes Vanessa and he knows how important she is to Hailey. Realises she’s going to be in his life if Hailey is and he wants to get to know her better.

Thinks maybe making her breakfast is a good place to start.

-------

She feels a little jittery about quite what V might be saying to Jay when she’s in the shower but it’s also Jay and he’s a grown man who’s fought wars. She’s pretty certain he can handle it but Vanessa can be fierce when she needs to be.

When she makes her way downstairs in a hoodie and a pair of leggings, she can hear the two of them laughing before she sees them. She rounds the corner and sees that Jay is the person who actually seems to be cooking breakfast whilst Vanessa sits at their breakfast bar, leaning down on the counter with her head on her arms crossed in front of her whilst she talks to Jay.

She takes a moment to take them both in. The way Jay huffs out a laugh as he plates the eggs alongside the bacon on the three plates in front of him whilst Vanessa tells him that not all heroes wear capes.

‘Keep him around if he makes breakfast, Hailey,’ Vanessa says as she lifts her head in greeting.

Jay lifts his gaze to hers. His smile suddenly a little bashful but she crosses the kitchen towards him and presses up onto her toes to kiss him on the cheek.

Hoping she can tell him without the words that she has every intention of keeping him around.

The three of them eat breakfast together in easy company and whether it’s the hangover or not, Hailey can’t quite place it, but Vanessa seems completely unfazed at Jay being there.

He suggests heading out for a walk and invites Vanessa to go with them and it makes Hailey’s chest feel lighter.

How he seemingly just gets how important Vanessa is to her.

She declines saying she wants movies on the couch and a nap and so she and Jay wrap up against the biting cold and make their way out for a walk finding themselves down by the water talking about anything and everything.

They find a little coffee cart that’s open and she persuades him that hot chocolate is a good idea and she laughs at him when he scrunches his nose up at the first sip telling her it’s too sweet.

She tells him how her mom would make she and her brothers hot chocolate on the day after Christmas growing up and they would bring their bedding downstairs to lie on and watch movies all day.

‘Then I’ll drink my hot chocolate,’ he tells her taking a sip with less of a grimace this time. She shakes her head at him. This badass solider looking adorably cute in his beanie hat drinking hot chocolate for her.

It has her reaching for his hand as they start walking once more and she smiles up at him as she threads her fingers through his.

She’s more than happy for anyone to see them together and know where her heart lies.

They wind up back at his place later that day and she feels herself fall a little further for him when he disappears into his bedroom and comes back out with his bedding in hand.

‘Jay,’ she says on a soft smile.

‘Traditions, right?’

She helps him move the coffee table to one side before lying down on the floor beside him as he pulls her into his arms.

And she lets herself think that maybe, just maybe, they might be spending Christmases like this for years to come.

--------

The days between Christmas and New Year blur for Hailey. Her office has shut down until the second and she’s genuinely grateful for the time.

She loves her job, but she also needs time to decompress.

Vanessa and her team get called in for a case three days after Christmas and Jay had gone back to work the day before.

Usually, she likes some time to herself but she’s already aware only a few weeks in that she prefers time with Jay.

And quite how he’s achieved that she doesn’t know. She’s always kind of had one foot out the door in relationships and though it’s not something she’s necessarily proud of, it is the truth.

She’s never entered into a relationship without feeling like it had an expiration date.

Jay, however, he has plans. Plans for them. Plans she thinks she is wholly onboard with even though he hasn’t quite articulated them to her yet.

It’s too early for any of that but she can’t deny it’s all different in the best possible way.

It’s what has her messaging him.

How’s your day going?

Not too bad thanks. Fairly quiet.

You got time for a lunch break?

Depends on who’s asking

I’m doing the asking, Jay but I can just as easily give the lunch I was going to buy you to that cranky sergeant who works the desk…

I’d love a lunch break with you

She’s far less nervous this time around when she heads to Jay’s offices. The parking lot far quieter than usual too.

She texts him that she’s here and he tells her he’ll be right down. He’d asked her to pick up a third lunch for him and he’d pay her back and she smiles when he appears and presses a kiss to her cheek as he comes down to greet her. Completely unfazed by the fact that a few of his colleagues might see.

He thanks her for picking up the lunches and takes one out the bag before handing it over to the sergeant behind the desk.

‘Merry Christmas, Sarge.’ Hailey hears him say.

‘You say Merry Christmas with a sandwich?’

‘You complaining?’

Hailey watches them stare one another down but they both seem to be fighting a smile and she can’t quite work out the dynamic between the two of them but it’s easy enough to see they both care about the other.

‘You got a real name Goldilocks?’ The sergeant says turning her eyes to Hailey. ‘Figure I should know it if you make Halstead here smile that. Guy really commits to the brooding handsome thing, you know.’

Hailey laughs as Jay responds. ‘All I’m hearing is that you think I’m handsome.’

‘Give over.’

Hailey holds her hand out to the other woman. ‘Hailey, Hailey Upton. Good to meet you properly, sergeant.’

‘Trudy Platt.’

‘Now,’ she says turning to Jay. ‘Go find me a recruit to run the desk whilst I go eat my sandwich in peace in my office.’

‘You realise we hold the same rank, ma’am?’ Jay says. Tongue in cheek.

‘You realise I could mess with you a hundred different ways, Sergeant Halstead?’

Jay taps the desk. ‘One recruit on the way.’

He tells her to go grab a seat round the corner and he’ll come find her in a minute.

She’s barely sat down before he reappears and takes the seat opposite her.

‘That was quick.’

‘They do what I say.’

‘So you brood, huh?’ she says as she unwraps her sandwich.

‘I don’t brood. Work is just a serious place to be, you know.’

‘Yeah, I get that. I think she just likes teasing you.’

‘Yeah, think she does. She had a couple of glasses of Baileys at the Christmas party last year and patted me on the cheek. Told me they were lucky to have me working for them here in Chicago so I think it’s all good natured. Sometimes it’s a little tricky to tell.’

‘It’s quiet around here today?’

‘Yeah, mainly just the other sergeants and the captain who are in. Few of the younger recruits.’

‘You got plans for later?’

‘Going to meet Mouse for a drink after work but I, you could come round later or I could come to you unless you want a night alone?’

‘No,’ she smiles shaking her head. ‘I’d like that.’

For the first time in her life, she prefers falling asleep in someone’s arms.

————

‘So, you’re going to spend New Year’s with Jay, right?’

‘What?’

Hailey looks up from where she’s wiping the kitchen sides down after dinner.

‘Cause you can totally come to the party Kev is throwing at his friend’s bar with us but I figured you might want to be with lover boy.’

‘Lover boy - really?’

Vanessa shrugs easily. ‘If the shoe fits.’

‘We haven’t talked about it.’

It’s the truth. She’s never really been into New Year’s celebrations. As a kid, she always hoped that next year would be better. Next year, her dad would sort himself out. Stop drinking, stop using them as punching bags.

Time taught her not to get her hopes up.

‘It’s two days away,’ Vanessa scoffs.

‘Yeah, but –‘

‘But what? He spent Christmas night here. How is celebrating the New Year together any different? Wake up and smell the roses, Upton. You have a hot soldier who wants to kiss you at midnight. Why would you deny yourself that?’

‘You’re ridiculous’

‘Ridiculously right, maybe,’ Vanessa says as she shakes out some popcorn into a bowl for them.

And honestly, Hailey thinks she might have a point.

She brings it up to him later that night and can’t help but smile when he tells her he’s not really into New Year but he’d like to do something with her. Mentions that Connor had invited him to the party he’s throwing at his place and Hailey smiles telling him she’s been invited too.

And when the thirty-first rolls around, he picks her up at the door looking unfairly good in a pair of dark jeans and a shirt. Feels herself blush a little when he kisses her hello and tells her she looks stunning in her dress. How there’s a very real part of her that just wants to tell him to take it off her right now and the two of hem can celebrate the New Year between her bedsheets.

‘Hailey,’ he mumbles looking at her lips where they stand on her doorstep. ‘You need to stop looking at me like that.’

‘Then you need to stop looking too.’

‘You shouldn’t have worn that dress then,’ he tells her before he kisses her once more. This one decidedly less soft than the last.

‘We can make it until midnight,’ she tells him but even her own voice doesn’t sound all that convincing.

Connor, unsurprisingly, teases them more than a little when they show up together but no part of him looks surprised. Will spends about an hour in their company before he filters away into the crowd to find some of his work colleagues and she enjoys the way the two brothers gently rib one another.

Enjoys the way Jay blushes somewhat when a slightly inebriated Will thanks Hailey for making Jay’s stoic ass smile so much.

It seems it’s a common theme coming from the people in his life, but it’s a compliment she’ll take. His happiness has quickly become incredibly important to her.

As midnight approaches, she has an idea.

‘Grab your coat,’ she tells him

He frowns at her, a little puzzled by her request, but he doesn’t question it. He collects their coats from the closet in Connor’s hallway and holds hers out for her to step into before he shrugs his on.

She reaches for his hand and leads them down the little hallway to the left of the main room. She’s been to Connor’s place a couple of times since the summer, so she knows her way around.

Leads them to the little balcony that comes off Connor’s office. It’s bitingly cold outside but it’s also beautiful. The lights of the city spread out below them and the stars above them.

‘Thought this might be a nice way to bring in the new year,’ she tells him quietly and he reaches for her hand.

‘Always so smart,’ he hums as he lifts a hand to trace her cheek with his thumb.

God, the way he looks at her makes her stomach somersault and it has her pulling his lips down to hers. He tilts his head and teases open her lips as his tongue meets hers. The two of them moving in tandem as his other hand pulls her closer.

‘Fairly certain we were supposed to save that until midnight,’ he says against her lips as they pull back. His cheeks flushed pink from the cold air.

‘A little practice never hurt anyone,’ she grins and kisses him again always eager to be in his space. To feel him.

She hears the crowd of people inside begin to count down to midnight but all she can see is him.

And she could say something stupid right now.

Something really stupid. Something she absolutely shouldn’t be feeling this quickly.

And then he kind of says it for her.

‘Hailey,’ she says eyes darting between hers and a smile playing on his face. ‘You’re perfect. Perfect for me. I’ve fallen for you. God, I’ve fallen so hard for you.’

She smiles up at him. Beams, really. Maybe they don’t need the words yet when they’re both on the same page. They’re coming. They both know it.

It’s one of the many things they have to look forward to.

‘Me too, Jay,’ she tells him breathing him in as his forehead comes to rest on hers. She fell a long time ago truth be told. ‘I’ve fallen for you too.’

She wants all her New Years with him.

He kisses her once more as cries of Happy New Year filter out from inside and fireworks light up the night sky but all she can see is Jay and the tender smile on his face as he whispers Happy New Year to her.

She tangles her fingers with his.

It’s going to be a good year.