Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Burn out the day
Burn out the night
I'm not the one to tell you what's wrong or what's right
I've seen suns that were freezing and lives that were through
But I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you

-Blue Öyster Cult, “Burnin' for You”

–

How do I get myself into these situations? Luigi wondered dismally as he trudged along after Kamek down a corridor of King Bowser's castle. As he shifted the heavy bag he was carrying over from one shoulder to the other, he answered his own question: Because I'm too nice. That's how.

No one had made Luigi leave the sunny cheerfulness of the Mushroom Kingdom for the dismal Darklands, in the company of two Koopa Troops who had been sent to fetch him with orders that Bowser wanted to see Luigi, alone. And nobody had forced him into the balloon basket of the Shy Guys waiting for them at the other end of the warp pipe between Princess Peach and Bowser's kingdoms. Just like no one had carried him kicking and screaming into the castle, where Kamek met the trio, dismissed the Koopas, and began to lead Luigi through a maze of hallways. Alone.

No, Luigi had agreed to do all those things, despite Princess Peach's insistence that Bowser had to be bluffing, and he wouldn't really invade the Mushroom Kingdom yet again if Luigi refused the. . . “invitation.” And Mario had been even more adamant that Luigi shouldn't go, promising that if Bowser wasn't bluffing, they'd just defeat him again like they had every other time.

Peach had finally given in to Luigi's insistence upon complying, but Mario might never have given in if Peach hadn't pointed out that since Luigi so rarely insisted upon anything, they should listen to him. Even then, Mario had made Luigi and the Koopas wait to depart while he crammed a bag full of power-ups for Luigi to take with him.

“Listen, Lu,” Mario had told his younger brother quietly as he hooked the bag over Luigi's shoulder. “I don't know what that overgrown turtle wants to see you for, but if he tries anything, you use these and kick his tail. And if you can't and he captures you—”

Again, thought Luigi.

“—don't you worry! I'll come rescue you.”

Again, thought Luigi.

He'd pretended he wasn't worried, so Mario wouldn't worry. Luigi was worried though, as usual. Like Mario, he had no clue why Bowser would want to see him. He hadn't been sure Bowser even remembered he existed, until today.

What if he does capture me? Luigi had fretted on the balloon ride over the Darklands to the Koopa king's castle. What if this is some kind of plot to hold me hostage to get at Mario, or to force the princess to make concessions for my return? He had to admit that that wasn't really Bowser's style. If the king wanted to capture Luigi, he'd more likely just show up and kidnap him.

But whatever Bowser wanted him for, here Luigi was, following Kamek deeper into the castle of his own free will, because he was too nice. Even if Bowser really was bluffing, Luigi wasn't going to take that chance. Peach didn't need anything else on her plate right now, especially not the concern that another invasion could be imminent. She was currently in the process of negotiating a treaty with King Bob-omb in the hopes of ending the on-going war between the black Bob-ombs allied with Bowser and the pacifist pink Bob-ombs (well, they called themselves “red” but they looked pretty darn pink to Luigi) who were friendly with the Mushroom Kingdom. King Bob-omb seemed to be growing more amenable to the idea of giving up his claim on the pink Bob-ombs' territory, and Luigi didn't want Bowser doing anything that could delay the impending peace.

His thoughts were interrupted when Kamek came to a stop at the end of the corridor they'd been traversing. A huge stone door was set in the wall there, guarded by two armored Koopas, one standing to either side of it.

“Scram!” Kamek growled at the two of them. They both jumped and scampered past the Magikoopa and Luigi, down the corridor and around the corner out of sight. Turning to watch them go, Kamek noticed the surprised expression on Luigi's face and chuckled.

“They're just a formality,” Kamek informed Luigi, who repressed a shiver at the sound of his voice. It always seemed a little creepy to Luigi, reminiscent of Peter Lorre's. “King Bowser is so strong, he doesn't need guards. They're only for show.”

“R-right,” mumbled Luigi, wondering why Kamek was making such a big deal about it. Luigi was already quite aware of how strong Bowser was and didn't need reminding of it. He glanced up at the massive door again, wondering where it led.

His curiosity getting the better of him, Luigi ventured to ask Kamek, “Uh, where. . . are we?”

Kamek turned away and announced, “His Majesty's bedchambers,” before waving his wand and using his magic to pound on the door with a large metal knocker that looked too heavy for him to lift otherwise.

“His—his what?!” Luigi stammered. Before Kamek could reply, Bowser's voice came bellowing from the other side of the door in an inadvertent echo of Luigi's.

“What?!”

Kamek cleared his throat then wheezed, “I have returned with Mario's brother, Your Majesty!”

I have a name! Luigi thought and even considered pointing out, except he was too nervous and bewildered to speak. Why the hell had Kamek brought him to Bowser's bedroom?

“Bring him in!” the Koopa king yelled back.

Kamek again wielded his wand, and the door slowly swung open. Luigi swallowed hard and slunk into the room behind the Magikoopa, jumping when the door slammed shut behind him.

Bowser's bedroom was, to Luigi, no more aesthetically pleasing than the rest of his castle. The walls were bare, dark stone and there was little furniture. An enormous bed covered in a dark red blanket dominated the room. . . and judging from the enormous lump under the covers, Luigi surmised that Bowser was sitting in it, with the blanket pulled over his head.

Is he sick? wondered Luigi. And if he is, what does he expect me to do about it?

“Leave us!” Bowser growled from beneath the covers, and Luigi flinched, rubbed the right side of his mustache unconsciously, and prayed he wouldn't end up in another cage.

“But your Majesty,” Kamek protested in a near whine, “there's no reason for you to hide yourself from me! I've seen your condition and—”

“I know you've seen my condition!” roared the king from within his blanket fort. “You are the reason for my condition, you numbskull! I don't want to see your face again until you've come to tell me you've found the cure!”

Kamek sighed and muttered, “Yes, sire.” He turned towards the door, then paused beside Luigi to look up at him and hiss, “I'm sorry to put you in this position. Please, do what you can to help him, and you will be well rewarded for your trouble.”

Luigi could only look blankly back at the Magikoopa. He was less concerned with being rewarded than with not being killed. Kamek nodded anyway before withdrawing from the room.

“Is he gone?” Bowser mumbled after the heavy door was shut once more, trapping Luigi in the bedroom alone with its occupant. Luigi doubted he could open the door himself, and he tried to take comfort in the weight of the bag he carried. A power-up should give him the strength to do it and escape if he had to.

“Er, y-yes,” he stammered. Bowser sighed as Kamek had done before speaking again.

“If you laugh when you see me, I'm going to feed you to my favorite Piranha Plant. Understand?”

Thus assuming that Bowser's “condition” was something like the turtle equivalent of measles or chicken pox, Luigi said, “I won't laugh. I promise.”

Bowser was quiet for another few seconds before he finally muttered, “All right, then,” and shoved the blanket off his head.

Luigi didn't laugh, but he did let out a gasp of surprise, because the person in the bed was not a giant turtle with a spiked shell and, inexplicably, hair.

He was a human man. An extremely tall, broad-shouldered man—bigger than Luigi's old foreman Spike, even—but a man nevertheless.

The hottest man Luigi had ever laid eyes on in his entire life, in fact.

“M-mamma mia,” he breathed as he stared. For a minute, he didn't get it, and he wondered where this human stranger had come from, and why Bowser had arranged some bizarre kind of bait-and-switch, having the man take his place.

Then the man grumbled, “You can stop staring! I know, I'm hideous. Don't rub it in!” He grumbled this in Bowser's deep, gravelly voice, and the truth slowly wormed its way into Luigi's brain. Unless this human man was an extremely talented impressionist. . . he was Bowser.

“No, y-you're—you're not,” Luigi said weakly, barely able to put the words together. Bowser was, in fact, the farthest thing from hideous in Luigi's opinion. He'd actually never found the king to be unattractive even in Koopa form—certainly not utterly repulsive, which he was in Peach's opinion (and she made that opinion known to everyone, including and especially Bowser). Bowser's usual appearance was terrifying to Luigi, but not ugly.

This human form, though. . . it made Luigi feel slightly weak in the knees just to look at him. Besides being tall and broad, his (bare) chest and the arms folded across it were muscular, his neck thick, and his jaw square and chiseled. His skin was a beautiful golden brown and his facial features well-defined (and maybe his nose was a little big, but so was Luigi's, and Mario's, and everyone else's in their family).

Bowser's hair hadn't changed, still a wild, fiery red mane that now tumbled down the back of his neck almost to his shoulders, and his eyes were the same crimson color as before, glaring at Luigi from beneath thick brows.

In short, Luigi hadn't known he had a “type” when it came to men (nor had he been quite ready to admit even to himself that he was attracted to men at all). . . but he did have a type, apparently, because Bowser was it.

And if he figures that out, he's going to feed me to that Piranha Plant after all, so quit staring at him! Luigi ordered himself. He jerked his eyes away and looked down at the stone floor instead.

“Don't bother lying,” Bowser muttered. “I didn't send for you to hear flattery. I—I need your help!” He admitted it through gritted teeth as if it pained him to say it.

It probably does, thought Luigi. He finally risked lifting his eyes back to the man on the bed and was relieved to find that now Bowser was the one looking down. He was scowling.

“Uh, help how, exactly?” Luigi asked nervously. “What, erm. . . happened?”

To his dismay, Bowser looked at him again—still scowling—and gestured at the foot of the bed. “You might as well sit down. It's a long story.”

Luigi made a sort of “meep” noise. The bed was large, but the foot wasn't that far away from where Bowser sat, and the thought of getting any closer to him made Luigi feel all quivery inside.

At his hesitation, Bowser snapped, “Sit down! I won't bite you! Or claw you or roast you or anything else because I can't. Not in this pathetic body!” He could still yell at Luigi, which frightened the plumber enough on its own, and he crept over to the foot of the bed, dropping his bag on the floor beside him, and sat down on the edge so Bowser would quit shouting at him.

“All right,” Bowser huffed, thankfully looking away again to stare at a spot somewhere over Luigi's head. “So 'what happened' is that doddering old fool Kamek accidentally cast a spell on me that turned me into. . . this. And he doesn't know what exactly he did to cast it, which means that he doesn't know how to change me back! He swears he'll be able to do it once he finds the right reversal spell, but until then, I'm stuck like this.”

He bowed his head and unfolded his arms to hold up both hands—large, long-fingered hands bearing fingernails instead of claws—and look at them as he elaborated ruefully.

“A weak, pathetic human with no powers. The only good thing is that we were alone when it happened, so no one else knows about this. No one else can know! If it gets out that I'm completely defenseless, all my enemies will try to overthrow me and take over the Darklands!”

“A weak pathetic human with no powers”. . . now you know how it feels, Luigi thought but did not say. He did feel bad for Bowser, a little.

Instead, he asked, “So uh, if no one can know. . . why are you telling me? Why do you want my help?”

Bowser lifted his vivid eyes from his hands to meet Luigi's. Luigi resisted the urge to crawl under the bed in order to escape the king's intense gaze.

“In case you haven't noticed, there aren't many humans around here. There's Peach, and this other princess who rules Sarasaland, and Mario. . . and you. Peaches—she'd just laugh at me,” Bowser sighed. “Princess Daisy would laugh even harder. And so would Mario—as if I'd ever ask for his help anyway—which leaves you. You're the only human that I trust to actually help and not just make fun of me.”

Luigi was oddly touched by that, but he tried to hide it by countering, “But why? Why would you trust me?” He frowned and added bitterly, “Because you think I'm the one who scares easiest?” Which was, of course, the case.

Yet Bowser shook his head, then shrugged his broad shoulders as he replied, “Nah. 'Cause you're a nice guy.”

Luigi's heart almost literally warmed to hear those words. It was the first compliment, more or less, that Bowser had ever paid him, and in fact, Luigi had always assumed the king felt nothing but contempt for him. . . if he felt anything at all.

Still, Luigi again hid his reaction and retorted, “And I guess you know I'll be especially nice since if I say no, you'll go invade the Mushroom Kingdom and kidnap Peach and try to kill my brother! And probably kill me too!”

Bowser's fierce eyebrows drew together as he glared and snapped, “Dammit, Luigi, I'm sorry, okay?!” The apology wasn't particularly effective, shouted as it was, and Luigi winced. Bowser continued to glower for a second, then with a visible effort regulated his expression and spoke less aggressively.

“I wasn't actually going to mount another invasion if you refused to come,” he said. So Peach had been right about that. “But I knew you would come if I had the troops tell you that—because like I said, you're a nice guy, and you wouldn't want Peaches to have to worry about me showing up and ruining that whole. . . Bob-omb thing for her. And as for killing you. . . .”

The king averted his eyes again and muttered, “As much as I hate apologizing, I'll say it again. I'm sorry I almost killed you that one time. That was like, what, almost two years ago? Can't you let it go?”

All of Luigi's warm feelings had dissolved by now, and he cried, “No, I can't just 'let it go'!  You hurt me and scared me to death and put me in a cage and tried to drown me in lava—all because I happen to be the brother of a guy Peach likes better than she likes you! You said I'm the only human you trust. . . well, that's just great, but how can I trust you? How do I know this isn't all another of your ridiculous plots to get the princess to love you, and you won't just toss me into the lava pit when you're through with me?”

As Luigi yelled, Bowser had turned his eyes back to him, with them slightly widened in amazement at the usually timid plumber's rant. When Luigi finally fell silent, his narrow chest heaving as he caught his breath, one corner of the king's mouth—which now had quite attractive lips, Luigi noticed against his will—drew back in a faint smirk.

“Wh-what're you smiling at?” Luigi challenged. It came out weaker than he'd intended, thanks to the way his anger had deflated at the look on Bowser's face.

“You,” said Bowser. “I've never seen you worked up like this before. It's cute.”

Luigi's face felt as if it had been dunked in the lava after all. Bowser's patronizing of him embarrassed him. . . because of course he'd meant “cute” sardonically, not literally. Not like he could possibly think Luigi was attractive in any way. If Bowser thought his own appearance was “hideous,” what must he think of thin, pale, not-at-all-muscular Luigi?

The smile had faded from Bowser's lips by now, and he said—quietly, for him, “Nah, this isn't about Peaches. I mean, you're right—it was pretty ridiculous of me to think she'd ever love me. And if she didn't want me when I was a strong, handsome Koopa, she sure ain't gonna want me now. So no, I told you the truth about what happened with Kamek. . . and about being sorry. You probably won't believe me, and there's no way to make you, but I mean it. Not just saying it 'cause I need your help.”

Luigi didn't believe it, but he wished he could, and as before, he felt sympathy for Bowser in spite of himself. He also felt bad for bringing up Peach in a deliberate attempt to hurt Bowser's feelings.

The idea of Peach loving him wouldn't have been so ridiculous, Luigi thought, if he'd gone about wooing her a different way. He really did treat her like a princess.

The problem was, he didn't treat her like the kind of princess she is. Everything he thought would impress her—showing off his power and dominance, taking prisoners, invading kingdoms. . . ordering people to be killed—that was stuff that might impress some princesses, but not Peach. What impresses her is conviction with kindness, strength with gentleness. . . the kind of qualities Mario has.

Bowser just doesn't understand that. He doesn't know Peach at all. If he did, he really could have impressed her without all the bullying and chest-thumping! He's talented in a lot of ways, and he can be charming when he wants to be. If someone wrote a love song for me, I'd fall head over heels for him—them.

But then Luigi recalled his earlier thought about Peach's revulsion over Bowser's physical appearance. Maybe Bowser was right, maybe she never would have loved him no matter how he acted, because the way he looked meant she could only see him as a monster.

Maybe that's what's truly ridiculous, Luigi thought.

As Luigi's mind raced, Bowser had looked increasingly unhappy over his lack of response. The king now sighed again and said in a resigned way, “If you help me, I promise I won't toss you in the lava pit. But Luigi. . . I won't toss you in the lava pit if you say no, either. I trust you not to tell anyone what's happened, and Kamek will find a way to fix it soon—if he knows what's good for him—so you. . . you're free to go if you want to leave.”

Luigi swallowed hard then said haltingly, “Look, I. . . I'll help you, if I can.” When he saw the way Bowser's face lit up, Luigi went on with less hesitation. No one except Mario and their mother had ever looked so happy at something he'd said.

“But what do you want me to do? I don't know the first thing about magic—”

“No, I don't mean help me change back!” Bowser interrupted. “. . . Although if you got any ideas, lemme have 'em.”

“That's just what I meant, I don't,” said Luigi, but then something occurred to him. “Except. . . you know how when you get a power-up, it lasts until you get hit, then you change back to normal?”

Bowser lifted one wild eyebrow. “. . . Yeah?”

Not too bright, is he? Luigi observed silently. Aloud, he prompted, “Well, have you gotten hit by anything since Kamek cast the spell on you?”

“No, but what—ohhhh.” Bowser looked vaguely impressed. “Smart thinking. Nah, I haven't got hit, so let's try it. Hit me.”

All the blood had rushed to Luigi's face earlier when Bowser called him “cute,” and now it all drained away as he thought of hitting the enormous man in front of him. Even if Bowser hadn't been king of the Koopas, Luigi would have considered it the height of stupidity.

“You. . . you want me to hit you?” Luigi asked, his voice coming embarrassingly close to squeaking.

Bowser shrugged those massive shoulders again and said, “Why not? You're right here. And it's not like you're gonna hurt me.” He smirked a second time.

Luigi started to get angry all over again, at the same time wondering just how Bowser was able to manipulate his emotions so easily.

“Fine then,” he muttered. “I'll hit you.”

He clenched his hand into a fist, drew his arm back, and slugged Bowser in the jaw. Hard.

“Ungh!” Bowser grunted in surprise and pain when Luigi's fist connected. His head snapped to the side, and he swore, “Shit!” and rubbed his jaw as Luigi unclenched his hand and dropped it to his side. Bowser turned his head back to glare at him, crimson eyes blazing, and Luigi flinched.

I'm such an idiot! He's going to pulverize me for that! he wailed in his head.

Then, to Luigi's immense relief, Bowser's glare faded somewhat and he grumbled, “You didn't have to hit me so damn hard.”

“You said it wouldn't hurt you!” Luigi retorted.

“Well, I didn't think it would! You're a lot stronger than I thou—I mean, this puny body is a lot weaker than my real body!” Bowser amended quickly. “Anyway! Getting hit didn't work, so I guess I'm stuck like this until Kamek figures something out.”

Luigi bit his lip under his mustache to mask a smirk of his own. The fact that he was strong enough even without any power-ups to damage Bowser—human body or not—made him feel a lot more confident than before.

“So if you didn't ask for my help to change you back, what do you want me to help with?” prompted Luigi.

“Being human.” The former Koopa reached up to rake his long fingers through his tousled hair, tousling it further and making Luigi's knees feel kind of weak again. Good thing he was sitting down.

Bowser continued grumbling, “This body—it pisses me off! First it won't do what I want it to, then it'll do what I don't want it to! And I'm always either too cold or too hot—can't get anywhere near the lava—”

Luigi cleared his throat pointedly. Bowser broke off, looked at him blankly, then growled, “Okay, yes, I get it. Anyway, what I need you for is to teach me how to do stuff as a human, you know, explain how this whole thing works.” He gestured up and down at himself. “Well? Will you help me learn how to use my body?”

Luigi's eyes followed the gesture, moving over the huge, muscular, not-puny-in-the-least body in question. His mouth suddenly felt very dry.

“I-I. . . .”

“If you're wondering what's in it for you, Kamek was right,” Bowser cajoled. “You will be well-rewarded. I'll give you anything you want! Uh, within reason.”

“It's not that,” mumbled Luigi. “I just. . . .”

Bowser growled, “Dammit, Luigi! Just answer me! Yes or no?!”

“It's definitely no if you're going to keep yelling at me!” Luigi snapped. “If you want my help, you have to promise not to yell and to be respectful and—and to do what I say!”

Bowser huffed and folded his arms again as he glanced aside and muttered, “Okay, fine, I promise. I won't yell at you, and I'll be. . . respectful.” He said the word the way he would say “Mario.”

Still, Luigi was encouraged by Bowser's acquiescence, and he demanded, “And?”

“. . . And I'll do whatever you say.” Bowser's mumble was barely audible, but it was good enough for Luigi.

“All right, I'll help you,” he finally agreed.

“Yeah? Great!” exclaimed Bowser. As he did so, the king's face did that lighting up thing again, and the way it made Luigi's heart beat faster caused him to wonder if he was making a huge mistake.

–

to be continued

Chapter Text

“Okay, so,” Bowser continued, “first thing I need help with is walking.”

“Walking?” Luigi asked skeptically. He thought that maybe Bowser was just screwing with him until the former Koopa scowled and explained.

“Yes, walking. This ridiculous body is so light, and what weight there is, is distributed all wrong. No shell, no tail—I can't keep my damn balance!”

Luigi marveled that Bowser considered his muscular hunk of a human body to be light, and wondered just how much the king had weighed as a Koopa. Keeping that question to himself, he stood up and gestured for Bowser to do the same, ordering, “Get up and show me.”

Bowser tossed off the blanket that had been covering him from the waist down and climbed out of bed to stand in front of Luigi. He did wobble a little until he braced one leg against the bed to steady himself as he grumbled, “See what I mean?”

Luigi did not see what he meant, because at that moment, Luigi was cognizant of nothing save for one fact: Bowser was completely naked.

Standing up, the king towered over Luigi, whose head only reached Bowser's shoulders. His legs were as muscular as his arms, and his torso bore both washboard abs and a prominent v-line which, despite all of Luigi's best efforts, directed his eyes to the biggest cock and balls Luigi had ever seen. Not that he had seen all that many of them, at least not since high school when he'd had to change in the locker room with the other boys after gym class. Yet even with Luigi's limited experience, he could recognize that, like the rest of his body, Bowser's dick was exceptionally large.

“M-mamma. . . ,” the plumber began, but his voice failed him before he got to “mia.”

And it's not even hard right now, Luigi thought. How big must it be when he gets turned on?!

Bowser scowled again and growled, “What? Go on and say it!”

“S-say—say what?” stammered Luigi as he yanked his eyes from the king's groin to his face, terrified that Bowser meant, “Go on and say that you want my dick.”

But instead, Bowser barked, “That I'm ugly!”

Luigi almost said, “No, you're not,” until he realized that would make Bowser more likely to figure out the real reason Luigi kept staring at him. Instead, he looked away and mumbled, “It's just that. . . well, you're naked.”

“Yeah, and. . . ?” Bowser prompted irritably. Then after a few seconds, he said, “Oh, right. Humans always wear clothes, don't they?”

“M-most of the time, yeah.”

“See, that's why I need you!” declared Bowser, making absolutely no effort to cover himself, as if he thought Luigi was merely pointing out a faux pas rather than indicating that Bowser needed to stop being naked as soon as possible. “You humans have all kinds of weird customs like that, so I need you to remind me when I forget about something.”

Luigi's traitorous eyes crept back towards Bowser—though they did manage to look at his handsome face instead of elsewhere—as the king rambled on, “Most ordinary Koopas don't wear clothes at all, and I only wear 'em on special occasions. They're annoying—get in my way! I mean, there's a few who wear clothes all the time, like Kamek and that stupid robe of his, but we don't have to. Because we don't have such frail bodies that we need protection!”

He looked down at Luigi with such a cocky expression that the plumber found his voice again to point out, “Well, you do now, so you'd better find something to wear!”

“Ugh! I suppose you're right.” Bowser looked down at himself, frowning, and ran a hand over his broad chest and flat stomach. “So damn pathetic. . . no scales, just this fragile skin. And this. . . .”

To Luigi's dismay, the king gestured at his groin, which drew the plumber's gaze straight back to it.

“Why's it just. . . out there like this?” griped Bowser. “It's so impractical! Before, it only came out when I wanted it out, but now. . . . Is it supposed to be like this? Is your dick out all the time?”

This time, Luigi felt like his entire body had been dunked in lava, not just his face. He was certain his neck was red all the way down to his collar.

“It—I-I mean, on humans, they—yeah, they're always out,” stammered Luigi.

“Damn. No wonder you guys gotta wear clothes, to protect this shit,” Bowser grumbled as he glared down at himself. “And you know what I said about my body doing stuff I didn't want it to do? Prime example right here!”

He gestured at his groin again and looked back up at Luigi as he complained, “It keeps getting hard, and I can't stop it! That's only supposed to happen when I'm ready to fuck, not all the damn time! A lot of times, it won't go down until I jerk off, and then it's right back up again an hour later! Does yours do that?!”

Poor Luigi could only look at him mutely, because unless he lied, his answer would have to be, “Yes, yes it does, and it's doing it right now.” He didn't want to think about this human Bowser splayed on his bed with his magnificent dick hard, masturbating furiously, sexually frustrated and in desperate need of someone to assist him in satisfying himself. He wanted even less to imagine Bowser repeating from the bed his earlier question of “Will you help me learn how to use my body?”

Luigi thought about those things anyway and prayed that his underwear was tight enough that his erection wouldn't be obvious through his overalls.

Bowser squinted at his red face and wide eyes, then asked, “Why do you look so embarrassed? Don't humans talk about stuff like this? I mean, I'd never tell Peach my dick won't stay down, but she's a lady. Don't guys talk to each other about this shit?”

“M-maybe—maybe some guys do,” Luigi finally managed to speak. “Like, brag about how, um, big they are, and how good they are at, uh. . . in bed. But—but I don't talk about stuff like that with anyone!”

“. . . Oh. Uh. . . sorry, I guess.” Bowser actually looked a bit contrite, yet then he challenged, “But you said you'd help me! How'm I supposed to get my questions answered if you won't talk about these things?”

“I. . . okay, fine,” mumbled Luigi. He closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at Bowser as he said in a rush, “Yes, sometimes I get hard when I don't want to, but it's normal. It's just something human men have to live with.”

“Oh,” Bowser said a second time, sounding disappointed. “So there's nothing I can do about it?”

Luigi opened one eye then, finding that Bowser wasn't smirking or anything, opened the other as well and said with a little more ease, “If, um, masturbating doesn't help, then probably not.” He did not say, Unless you want to try having actual sex. “It sounds like you're just extremely. . . virile.”

Bowser did smirk then and boasted, “Well of course! That hasn't changed!”

Luigi had to force himself not to look away and to hold his voice steady as he ordered, “Now like I said before, you need put some clothes on!”

“Okay, okay! I get it, you don't wanna look at me,” sighed Bowser. Of course, the real issue was actually that Luigi wanted to look at him, far too much, but he didn't contradict the king. Bowser went on, “We got a problem though—I don't have any clothes, not that would fit. Everything I wore as a Koopa is way too big, but everything anyone else around here wears is way too small.”

Luigi despaired of ever getting Bowser's dick out of his sight, but then he had an idea. “Do you have any towels? I always wrap one around my waist when I get out of the shower, until I get dressed. You could do that. . . .”

To his relief, Bowser jerked a thumb towards a door on the other side of the room and said, “Yeah, in the bathroom. Go get one, we'll try that.”

Deciding he'd better start insisting on getting some of respect he'd demanded, Luigi retorted, “Don't give me orders! You agreed to do what I say, remember?”

“Yeah, and do you remember me saying I can't walk without falling over?” Bowser snapped right back. “It's either I stay naked while you help me figure out walking, then I go get the towel. . . or else you go get the towel.”

“Hmph, fine,” Luigi huffed as he turned and stalked to the bathroom. He didn't want to give in to Bowser's demands, but he wanted even less to give the king walking lessons with Bowser's dick right in front of him.

The bathroom was large and, like the bedroom, walled in stone. It contained an open lava pit, but the pit was shallow and covered with a grate, with a massive hot tub suspended over it. Despite how nervous the lava made Luigi, he couldn't help thinking about how nice it would feel to soak in water heated over it. Then he wondered what it would be like to take that soak alongside the hot tub's rightful owner, and then he hurried to find a towel and get out of there.

Fortunately, the black towel Luigi grabbed was Koopa-king-sized and therefore plenty big enough to encircle the waist of even a very large human. Back in the bedroom, Luigi handed it to Bowser without looking at him, instead glancing around the room thoughtfully.

“If you're going to be moving around, you'll need a belt or something,” he said as Bowser fumbled to wrap the towel around his waist and tuck the corner in so it wouldn't fall off. Luigi's eyes fell on a row of hooks mounted on the wall, from which hung a variety of leather bands studded with big metal spikes. . . presumably the collar, shell ornaments, and other accessories Bowser usually wore as a Koopa.

Going over to the wall and lifting the collar (which was surprisingly heavy) down from its hook, Luigi asked, “What about this? I think it should fit around your waist pretty well.”

“Great, just what I need—a reminder that my human waist isn't any bigger than my Koopa neck,” groused Bowser. “But fine, whatever—dammit!”

Luigi turned to face him at the curse, just in time to witness the towel coming loose and falling to the floor—in other words, just in time to get another eyeful of Bowser's dick. Luigi blushed again.

“You'll have to do this!” Bowser growled at him, gesturing at the towel. “I can't get the damn thing to stay up long enough to even get that collar on!”

Oh no, thought Luigi. Oh no. No I cannot get closer to him, no I cannot touch him, I am walking out right now, and if he invades the Mushroom Kingdom in retaliation, Peach will just have to deal with it, and those black and pink Bob-ombs can fight until Doomsday before I get that close to—to that!

Seeing how the plumber had frozen in place with his eyes wide, Bowser sighed, “I already promised, I'm not gonna hurt you! I may look repulsive, but it won't kill you to get close to me.”

Luigi thought that it very well might, considering how hard his heart pounded as he edged a few steps nearer. He knew that it was extremely rare for a man of his age to suffer a heart attack. . . but then, most men his age would never have to do what he was about to do.

Luigi dropped the collar on the bed and bent to pick up the towel, keeping his eyes fixed downward on it and trying his best not to think about how close his face was to Bowser's cock until he straightened up. Then, with a deep breath to steady himself, Luigi reached both arms around Bowser's waist—which, though the size of his former neck, was still quite wide despite being trim—in order to wrap the towel around it.

As he tucked in the corner of the towel more securely than Bowser had done, Luigi found that due to their height difference, the king's pecs were right at his eye level. He admired them in spite of himself, his eyes trailing over the thick muscles. (And darting guiltily away from Bowser's taut brown nipples. Luigi was not going to think about how having been a reptile instead of a mammal up to now, Bowser would have had no experience having nipples, and might appreciate the opportunity to learn how much pleasure they could give him. He just wasn't.)

“Hold still so it doesn't fall off,” he muttered as he reached over to pick up the collar. He unfastened it and once more reached around Bowser's waist to position the collar just below the top edge of the towel, where it would hold the fabric in place. In doing so, Luigi leaned closer than was absolutely necessary, so close that he could feel the heat of Bowser's skin warming his face and smell the former Koopa's scent.

He smells so good! Luigi thought. Why does he smell so good?!

He cringed and drew back when Bowser growled, “Hurry up!”

Again, Luigi feared the king had caught on to how he made Luigi feel, and he muttered defensively, “I have to make sure the belt's secure so the towel doesn't slip!”

“I know, I know,” grumbled Bowser in response. “But having you this close to me is making my dick get hard again! Damn towel's not gonna stay on with that happening!”

Luigi's fingers fumbled in their present task of buckling the collar in place. He looked down from the collar to see that Bowser wasn't lying: the fabric of the towel was tenting slightly. Luigi finished with the buckle as quickly as he could then stepped back to stare up at the much taller man in disbelief.

Bowser sounded pretty defensive himself when he saw Luigi's expression and said, “I told you, it keeps happening when I don't want it to! It doesn't have anything to do with you. And you said yourself, it's just something humans have to deal with!”

Of course it doesn't have anything to do with me, thought Luigi. Why would it?

“I know, and it is,” he said aloud, though quietly. “I'm sorry, I'll stay back.”

As if he were deliberately trying to be as frustrating as possible, Bowser retorted, “You can't stay too far back—you still have to help with the walking thing. What happens is that I keep losing my balance and falling forward.”

“It sounds like it's the difference in weight distribution, like you were talking about,” Luigi told him. “As a Koopa, you had a thick tail and a heavy shell behind you, so you're probably accustomed to leaning forward when you walk, to compensate for the weight and keep from tipping over backwards. But now when you do that, you tip forwards since there's nothing to weigh you down behind.”

“Hunh. Yeah, that makes sense,” Bowser admitted. “So how do I fix it?”

Luigi explained, “You've gotta make yourself stand up straight when you walk instead of leaning. It may take a conscious effort for awhile, but I bet you'll get used to it pretty quickly and not have to think about it.” He backed a few steps away and ordered, “Okay, walk towards me, and try to keep your back straight.”

Bowser nodded, frowned in concentration, and took a couple steps forward.

“That's it!” Luigi backed up almost to the wall past the foot of the bed and beckoned for Bowser to keep going.

He did so, grumbling, “This feels so weird,” yet he managed to keep his balance. . . until he'd almost reached Luigi and relaxed, boasting, “Ha, there's nothing to it!” right before he stumbled and fell forward. In an effort to avoid being crushed between a solid stone wall and an almost as solid former Koopa, Luigi put up both arms at the same time Bowser put out both of his. They grabbed each other's arms just above the elbows in time to avoid a total collision, yet Luigi now found Bowser's impressive pecs a scant inch from his lips—which meant the king's breast bone was practically smashing his nose.

“Ow,” said Luigi.

“Shit! How do you humans do this?” Bowser bitched. He straightened himself up and looked down at Luigi as he grumbled, “Guess I gotta say sorry again. I've apologized more in the last half hour than I have before in my entire life. . . . But I really didn't mean to squash you.”

“You didn't,” said Luigi, sounding to himself the way he did when he had a cold. “Just my nose.” To his own surprise, he chuckled. Then, further to his surprise, Bowser chuckled too before simply smiling at him. It was the first time Bowser had ever truly smiled at him, Luigi was pretty sure, without the smile being disingenuous or a smirk. His heart beat even harder over that than it had over Bowser's sexy new body.

No, no, no, Luigi insisted to his heart, stop that! It's bad enough to be physically attracted to my brother's arch-nemesis, I am not feeling. . . feeling things for him! Princess Peach has the right idea about him: he's cruel and evil and just generally horrible, and I'm only helping him because I'm too nice, not because I care about him, and he certainly doesn't like me, not even physically. He said so himself!

Luigi's heart kept right on pounding and ignored everything he'd so logically pointed out, just like his mouth kept right on smiling.

“Why don't you try again?” he suggested. He loosened his hold on Bowser's arms (wishing at the same time that he wasn't wearing his standard white gloves so that he could feel the king's skin), but Bowser only tightened his own grip.

“Nah, keep holding on 'til I get the hang of this! It'll help me keep my balance,” he insisted.

Luigi tried to say no but only managed a weak, “Okie dokie,” instead.

He helped Bowser circle the room, Luigi walking backwards, until finally Bowser let go of him muttering to himself, “Okay—I got this!” Luigi withdrew to the side, out of his way, and tried to ignore how much he wanted to keep feeling Bowser's large hands and strong grip on him while he watched the former Koopa walk around by himself. Bowser seemed a tad unsteady at first, but after another minute he really did “have the hang of it.”

“Great! So that's one human thing I can do now, anyway,” he enthused when he stopped back in front of Luigi. He looked at the plumber a couple seconds then away as he added in a more subdued voice, “Uh, I'm supposed to say 'thank you,' right?”

“That would be nice,” responded Luigi, again suppressing a smile.

“Thank you, then.”

Luigi replied, “You're welcome. So what else do you need help with? I shouldn't stay too much longer.”

“Hunh?” Bowser looked at him again and blinked. “Why not? This is gonna take a while. I thought you'd be coming with me.”

Now Luigi was the one to blink. “Coming with you? Where?”

“Haven't decided,” shrugged Bowser. “But somewhere not here! If I stay shut up in my bedroom for days 'til Kamek gets me back to normal, people will start to get suspicious that something's wrong. So I'm going 'on vacation.'” He made his air quotes with the awkwardness of someone used to having claws instead of fingers. “The Koopalings can manage things while I'm gone. But anyway, I'm taking you with me so you can keep teaching me stuff! You like the beach? I was thinking maybe Sunshine Isles.”

Luigi thought to himself that leaving the Koopalings in charge of “managing things” wasn't such a great idea, but that was the least of his concerns. The greatest of them was that the rest of the plan did sound like a great idea. A beach vacation in a beautiful, sparsely populated locale, alone with an attractive man suffering from persistent hard-ons who wanted Luigi to “teach him stuff”. . . .

No, Luigi thought, that is not a great idea. That is a terrible idea, the worst idea I've ever had, worse than any ideas Mario's ever had, even. And anyway. . . .

“No, I can't do that!” he protested aloud. “Mario will be worried enough if I don't get home before dark, much less days later!”

Bowser shrugged. “Send him a letter and tell him you're going away for a while. One of the troops can get it to him by sunset.”

“That's not the only problem! They need me back in the Mushroom Kingdom! I can't just take off on a vacation!” Luigi insisted.

“They need you? What for?” asked Bowser skeptically.

“I'll have you know that I'm instrumental to the Bob-omb treaty negotiations!” Luigi grumbled. “Peach said so.”

“Really?” Bowser raised one bushy eyebrow.

“Yes really! It's a delicate situation, and Mario's too hot-headed and impatient—especially with the black Bob-ombs because he says they instigated the war by trying to take over the pink—er, red ones' territory. It doesn't help that the black ones are your allies.”

“What do I have to do with it?” growled Bowser. “I didn't tell them to invade River Mountain! That was King Bob-omb's doing, and just because some of his subjects work for me doesn't mean I give a damn about their silly war!”

“It's not silly!” Luigi came close to yelling. “How would you like it if some pompous king decided he wanted your lands and just moved in? Oh wait, you are that pompous king! No wonder you don't give a damn about the Bob-ombs—you don't give a damn about anybody but yourself!”

For the briefest instant, Luigi thought he saw some kind of emotion besides anger flicker in Bowser's crimson eyes. Hurt, maybe.

But then the king only glowered more deeply as he shouted at the plumber, “Well, it sounds like your hero Mario doesn't give a damn about anyone he disagrees with—and why the hell would King Bob-omb even want a treaty with the fucking Mushroom Kingdom? Peach blew him the fuck up at our wedding!”

The insult to Mario angered Luigi more than any directed at himself could have, and the fact that Bowser had a point about the princess made him even angrier. Igniting King Bob-omb's fuse wasn't as cruel an act as it might have been, considering that he, like most Bob-ombs, could respawn after detonation. However, it did cause the king considerable trouble, to say nothing of pain. Luigi himself had considered it rather remarkable that King Bob-omb had forgiven Peach's action and even now treated her with the utmost courtesy and respect.

Luigi conceded none of this to Bowser and instead shot back with the very tactic he'd felt guilty for earlier: reminding him that Peach would never love him.

“Your 'wedding'—ha!” Luigi scoffed with as much disdain as he could muster. “How can you even call it that? Peach and Mario made a complete fool out of you, and you've continued to make a fool of yourself over her ever since! So what if she did blow up King Bob-omb? He's still got every reason to want an alliance with a competent ruler instead of with you!”

Luigi was forever telling Mario to think before he spoke, not to let his mouth get the better of him. Now, he wished fervently he had taken his own advice to heart as Bowser's face turned as red as Luigi's own must have earlier. Not red with embarrassment though—red with anger.

“How dare you, you insignificant little—little plumber!” the king roared, almost as loudly as he used to roar as a Koopa. He didn't bother trying to counter anything Luigi had said. Instead, Bowser reverted to the same tactic he'd used for as long as Luigi had known him, and who knows how long before that: being very big and very loud.

He stalked over to Luigi in two great strides—unfortunately, he really did have the hang of walking by now—to grab the much smaller man's shoulders and slam his back up against the stone wall behind him. Holding Luigi against the wall and looming over him, Bowser literally growled and bared his teeth. His canines at least still appeared to be quite sharp, and Luigi quivered as he looked first at them, then up into the king's furious red eyes.

“What would you know about being a ruler?” snarled Bowser. “You were nothing before you came here—nothing! And you'd still be nothing if it wasn't for your brother and the damn Super Star! Mario's the hero around here, and he's the one Peach likes, not you, so you have no fucking room to call me a fool! I'm supposed to believe she needs you to help her work things out with that overgrown cherry bomb?! If you don't wanna help me, that's just fine with me, but grow some damn guts and tell me that instead of making up excuses!”

That's what he thinks of me—that I'm insignificant. Nothing, Luigi repeated to himself. Hearing it hurt, although Luigi supposed he deserved it. He'd said equally cruel things to Bowser, after all.

Bowser leaned down to put their faces closer together, breathing hard and still gripping Luigi's shoulders to push his back up against the wall. Luigi shivered again, telling himself it was only out of fear.

“Well?!” Bowser demanded, pressing even closer.  But then, before Luigi could come up with anything coherent to say, the king abruptly let go and pulled away, turning his back on Luigi as he swore, “Shit!”

Luigi exhaled in relief (only relief, not disappointment) and asked nervously, “Wh-what?”

“My damn dick's hard again,” Bowser grumbled. “What the hell.”

Luigi started laughing. He couldn't help it, and it felt wonderfully cathartic. At the sound of his chuckling, Bowser looked back over his shoulder and said sulkily, “You promised not to laugh at me.” Luigi just laughed harder, and the corner of Bowser's mouth twitched; then he snickered himself before laughing out right.

“S-so is that why you're always yelling?” Luigi asked through a last chuckle. “You get off on it?”

Bowser shrugged and said with a grin, “Dunno. I think it's more like, I get off when someone yells back. That's one thing I've always liked about Peaches, how feisty she is. Never figured you for that type, but I guess I got a knack for firing you up.” He glanced down at himself then turned back to face Luigi again muttering, “There, it finally went down. Uh, anyway. . . .”

They looked at each other a moment before Luigi once again took a deep breath to calm his nerves, then finally replied to Bowser's accusation that he was making up excuses.

“If I didn't want to help you, I wouldn't still be here for you to yell at,” he said. “Which, speaking of promises, you said you weren't going to do anymore. The princess really does think I'm needed for the negotiations. Like I was saying, Mario's not suited to that kind of thing, and like you were saying, Peach is, uh. . . 'feisty' and not always the most patient person either. She said she needs me to help because I don't lose my temper so easily—” Except when it comes to you. “—and I'm good at calming the Bob-ombs down when the two sides start bickering.”

“Hunh.” Bowser had his arms folded again, but he looked less skeptical than before. “How so?”

Luigi rubbed the back of his neck, a little embarrassed. “I, uh. . . don't know, exactly. But I think the little guys are kind of cute, and I guess that makes me treat them nicer than the others do. So most of them really like me, both the black ones and the pink—er, red ones.”

“Hunh,” Bowser said again, now with a hint of a smirk. “I would've thought you'd be scared of 'em blowing up on you.”

Rather than admit that he'd initially been terrified of that very thing, Luigi replied with a smile of his own, “None of them ever has.”

Bowser's red eyes trailed down Luigi's body then back up to his face. Luigi didn't know why until the former Koopa's smirk grew a little and he asked, “So does their king like you too? Maybe Peaches is plotting to secure the treaty by marrying you off.”

Luigi flushed for what felt like the umpteenth time. “No, he doesn't 'like' me! Not like that! How—how would that even work?”

“An arranged marriage?” Bowser goaded him with a full-on grin. “Or fucking a bomb?”

“Oh my God,” Luigi groaned, dropping his scarlet face into his hands. “Just shut up. I'm never going to be able to look King Bob-omb in the face again.”

“So much for the negotiations!” Bowser snickered, but then he calmed down with a sigh. “But yeah, okay, I believe you. Peaches needs you. But so do I!”

Cursing his stupid heart for beating faster again, Luigi spread his fingers to look at Bowser from between them as he said rather accusingly, “Oh, so I'm not useless?”

“Never said you were. Look, can't you at least spend the night? You can still write that overprotective brother of yours and tell him where you'll be. We could get something done at least,” Bowser cajoled.

Luigi had been about to drop his hands but decided to keep them in place a little longer since he was blushing again over the thought of spending the night with Bowser and doing things.

“It wouldn't work,” he mumbled. “He'd think you'd captured me and forced me to write the letter. He'd never believe I was spending the night with you—I mean, spending the night in the Darklands voluntarily.”

Bowser's broad shoulders slumped as he said, “Oh. Nah, I guess he wouldn't.”

He looked so disappointed—again, Luigi was pretty sure only Mario and his mother had ever been disappointed if they couldn't spend time with him—that the plumber abruptly suggested something completely outrageous.

“Instead of me coming with you. . . you could come with me.”

–

to be continued

Chapter Text

“Hunh? You mean, me come with you to the Mushroom Kingdom?” Bowser clarified, raising his eyebrows. When Luigi nodded, the former Koopa gave an incredulous laugh. “Ha, are you kidding? If I showed up, Peach would have me thrown out immediately, and in this puny body, there'd be nothing I could do about it! And that's if your damn brother didn't ground-pound my ass into oblivion first! If a punch from you hurt that much, I wouldn't stand a chance against Mario.”

Luigi had to work hard not to get angry once more. He didn't appreciate being laughed at (not that that had ever stopped anyone from doing it before), and he appreciated even less being compared to Mario and found lacking, yet again.

Still, he managed to reply evenly, “I'll explain the situation and convince them to let you stay. Since you'll be in the kingdom without any troops, and like you said, you wouldn't stand a chance in a fight—”

Bowser scowled at that, and Luigi tried not to break down and admit he was lying through his teeth. True, in human form Bowser would be no match for Peach or Mario, but Luigi was fairly sure the king could easily beat him up, not to mention the Toads. Just as he couldn't let on that Bowser was far more attractive than he thought, Luigi also couldn't let him find out how strong he still was.

“—I think Peach will understand that you're not a threat. And if she tells Mario to leave you alone, he will.”

Bowser's scowl deepened, but he nodded. “Okay, but. . . look, if we do this, can't you just tell 'em I'm someone else? I don't want Peaches to see me like this at all, but if she's gonna, at least she won't know who I really am!”

“I'm not going to lie to the princess for you,” Luigi retorted, “and I'm especially not going to lie to my brother. Besides, Peach isn't stupid, you know. She's been around you a lot, so she's going to recognize your voice the minute you open your mouth—she'd probably recognize your hair and eyes without you opening your mouth! You might be able to fool Mario, but the princess will know it's you, no matter what I say.”

“Dammit!” grumbled Bowser. He turned away and trudged over to a full-length mirror hanging near the hooks where he kept his accessories. Presumably, as a Koopa he'd enjoyed admiring himself as he put them on, but now he glared at his reflection in disgust. “She'll never respect me again!”

“She never respected you in the first place,” muttered Luigi. Fortunately, Bowser didn't hear that.

He went on, “All those nauseatingly cute little Toads are going to laugh at me too! And shit, the Bob-ombs!”

Luigi knew he was right.  They'd laugh, maybe not because Bowser was as unattractive as he believed, but certainly because he was now at least half of his original size (though still huge) and powerless. What's more, there remained the problem that necessitated Bowser's escape from his own kingdom in the first place: once word got out that he was in a weakened state, attempts to overthrow him were sure to follow.

“I have an idea,” Luigi said. “I won't deceive Peach or Mario, but no one else has to know who you really are. Peach isn't heartless—provided you don't try anything, I don't think she'll tell anyone the truth. And like I said, Mario will do what she asks, especially if I'm asking too. To everyone but them, we can say you're someone else.”

“Yeah? Who?” Bowser was still glaring at himself in the mirror. “I told you, there's not many humans around here. Where can we say I came from?”

Luigi hadn't considered that, but the answer came to him immediately.

“From Brooklyn.”

“Brooklyn?” Bowser turned to face him with a frown. “That's not a kingdom I've ever heard of.”

“It's not a kingdom! It's where I'm from, in the human world,” Luigi explained. “We can say that you're my friend from back home, and you're visiting me for a little while.”

Bowser muttered, “So we've gotta act like friends?” Luigi thought Bowser was scoffing at the idea of ever wanting to be friends with a loser like Luigi, even pretend friends, but instead, the former Koopa admitted, “I've never been anyone's friend before. How do I do it?”

“I can help you figure it out as we go, same as I'm helping you learn how to be a human,” Luigi said encouragingly. He tried to ignore the nagging thought that he shouldn't be so invested in the whole “helping Bowser” thing. Likewise, he tried to ignore how great it would be for everyone to believe that he was actually friends with a hunk like Bowser in his current form.

Bowser sighed deeply, then shrugged as he conceded, “All right, we'll do it. But you better be right about Peaches being—being nice about this! If she humiliates me this time, it's gonna be your fault, not mine, and you're gonna regret it!”

“S-she won't, I promise,” Luigi said in a voice that sounded very small even to himself. He wasn't 100% certain that Peach would be willing to go along with the plot, and even less certain that she wouldn't at least make fun of Bowser over his predicament. Peach was generally a very nice girl who would never deliberately belittle anyone, but she seemed to really, really hate Bowser.

Bowser had resumed his scowling at the mirror, and as Luigi watched him, he thought, She might start hating him less when she sees him like this. If he turns on the charm while looking like a handsome man instead of a giant fire-breathing turtle, she just might be willing to give him a chance to redeem himself. . . .

For a second, Luigi considered saying something belittling about Bowser's appearance himself, as extra insurance that the king would be too self-conscious to flirt with the princess. But then Luigi scolded himself for even thinking of being so petty and mean: Like I'm jealous of Peach or something! That's ridiculous.

Instead, he decided that it wouldn't hurt to make Bowser feel at least a little better about the way he looked, as long as he didn't catch on to just how sexy Luigi found him.

“Why do you keep saying you look so awful?” Luigi asked aloud. “Do you really think humans are that ugly? I mean. . . you think Peach is pretty, right?”

“Peaches is beautiful,” Bowser corrected immediately. “I don't think all humans are ugly—they're like Koopas, or anybody else. Some look good, and some don't.” He raised his fist abruptly at his own reflection, and for one frightening moment, Luigi thought he was actually going to smash the mirror with it. Instead, Bowser growled at his reflection, “And I'm one of the don'ts!”

“But what makes you think that?” Luigi persisted.

Bowser jerked his head from Luigi's direction to his and grumbled, “If I gotta spell it out for you, c'mere.”

If the former Koopa hadn't dropped his fist, Luigi would have stayed right where he was. Even now, he sidled over nervously until he was standing next to Bowser.

“Uh. . . what?”

“Look.” Bowser gestured at the mirror, and Luigi turned to look at it. What he saw was both their reflections, side by side. For some reason, that made his heart beat faster, but at the same time it sank to be reminded of how small and weak he was compared to Bowser.

“Yeah. . . ?” Luigi prompted in a subdued voice.

“I don't look like Peach. I don't look like you,” said Bowser dismally. “All the stuff that made me look great as a Koopa just makes me look hideous now.”

Luigi looked the king's reflection up and down before meeting its eyes as he murmured, bewildered, “I guess you do gotta—have to spell it out. I don't understand.”

“I don't look like a human's supposed to,” Bowser muttered. “I'm too tall, and too big—I'm not slender and graceful like the two of you. My skin's not pale, and my eyes aren't all big and blue like yours and Peach's are. And her hair looks so soft. Mine's not.”

“You. . . you could comb your hair,” Luigi said faintly. He was too dazed to come up with anything else to say. Bowser thought he was how a human was supposed to look? He was equating Luigi and Peach? Big blue eyes. . . slender. . . graceful?!

“That wouldn't make it softer,” Bowser argued then grumbled bitterly, “I bet your hair's soft.” Before Luigi could process what was happening, the former Koopa had snatched his green hat off his head and raked his long fingers through Luigi's dark, slightly curly hair. Luigi shivered at his touch.

Bowser announced, “Yep, thought so. Your hair's soft just like your mustache, and your skin's soft too. Mine's all rough.”

Luigi remembered vividly just how Bowser knew what his skin and mustache felt like—how his clawed fingers had stroked both, and tilted Luigi's chin up so Bowser could look into his (big, blue) eyes.

Yeah, right before he threw me to the ground and then nearly dropped me in a lava pit, Luigi thought.

“You, um. . . you used to have scales. Maybe it, uh, carried over,” he stammered as he watched a blush bloom over his reflection's cheeks.

Bowser plopped Luigi's hat back on his head and grumbled, “The reasons why I look like I do don't matter. What matters is that I do look this way. Dammit, if Kamek was gonna do this to me, why couldn't he at least have made me pretty like you and Peach?”

Luigi's brain threatened to short-circuit at that point. Pretty. Bowser had called him pretty.

Trying not to let on just how flustered he was, Luigi focused on something else, although he still had to force himself to meet Bowser's eyes in the mirror: “There's not a way humans are 'supposed to look.' Hair and eyes and skin come in all kinds of colors and textures, and bodies come in all shapes and sizes. You just haven't seen very many of us to know how much variety there is. It's only a coincidence that Peach and I have the same color eyes and skin—we really look nothing alike, otherwise—and the only reason Mario and I look similar is because we're brothers. Other humans look different from the three of us.”

Bowser made a sort of “harrumph” noise, but his reflection's eyes softened a little, like maybe Luigi was getting through to him. Luigi hesitated, then put a (slightly shaky) hand on his (huge) arm and said firmly, “You aren't ugly, Bowser. In fact, big, tall, muscular men are usually considered to be very attractive.”

“Really?” Bowser turned to look down at Luigi directly rather than his reflection. One corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk. “Like big, tall, muscular Koopas are?”

“I suppose,” Luigi said with a chuckle. “So there's nothing wrong with how you look, all right?”

“Heh, all right. If you say so.” Despite the ambivalent response, Bowser looked far less grumpy than before, and he said, “If you have to be home by dark, we'd better get going. As little as I want to see Kamek right now, I'll have to tell him where I'm going, and give him instructions for the Koopalings. He'll have to tell 'em I really did go on vacation—they can't know about this.”

Bowser stalked over an intercom mounted on the wall near the door and mashed the button on it with his fist before bellowing into it, “Kamek, get back here! Now!”

Luigi winced, wondering why Bowser had to be so damn loud; then he ventured to ask, “You're not going to tell them where you're going?”

“I can't!” Bowser said irritably as he paced up and down the room, as if he was pissed Kamek hadn't instantly appeared at his command. “They'd never be able to keep it a secret! No one can know except us and—” He was interrupted by the crash of the huge knocker on the outside of the door.

“. . . And Kamek,” Bowser finished, then roared, “Get in here!”

The heavy door swung open and Kamek hurried in, wheezing a little. No matter Bowser's impatience, the old Magikoopa had made it there remarkably quickly in Luigi's opinion. Maybe he could teleport or something.

“Yes, Your Majesty?” he asked before exclaiming, “Oh, you're up! That's excellent! Are you feeling better?”

“No, I'm not feeling better! I'm still stuck in this body, aren't I?” Bowser growled at him. “And until you can fix me, I'm leaving like I planned. The Koopalings are in charge while I'm gone, but if they screw anything up, I'll have your head, got it?”

Despite his general dislike of Kamek, Luigi thought that Bowser could treat him a bit better. It wasn't like he'd transformed Bowser on purpose.

“Y-yes, sire,” Kamek stammered. “Where are you going, so I can send word when I've found the reversal spell?”

Bowser looked away and grumbled, “The Mushroom Kingdom. But don't you tell anybody that! As far as anyone else is concerned, I'm having a well-deserved vacation in an undisclosed area, and I don't want to be disturbed!”

“Yes, of course—but you're going to the Mushroom Kingdom?” Kamek repeated in disbelief. “Why?!”

Bowser rounded on him and snarled, “Because I said so, that's why!”

To Kamek's credit, rather than cowering, he frowned and asked, “Are you thinking of trying again to woo Princess Peach, now that you're a human like her? Because I don't think that's such a—”

“Did I ask what you think?” Bowser interrupted in a growl. “If you insist on poking your beak into things that aren't your damn business, I'm going there because of Luigi, not because of Peach!”

“Because of. . . him?” Kamek gave Luigi a look that was somehow bewildered despite his eyes being invisible behind his glasses. “You. . . want to marry Mario's brother now?”

Luigi felt his face heat up yet again, and he began to stammer, “N-no! He means—” but Bowser talked over him. Or rather, yelled over him.

“No! This is why I don't tell you things, you moron!” he bellowed at Kamek. Luigi glanced at Bowser nervously, then looked more closely. The king's face had reddened too, but only his cheeks instead of all over. . . not like his face was flushed because he was furious, but because he was blushing. The blush turned his brown cheeks a beautiful dusky rose color, and Luigi had to yank his gaze off Bowser and force it to the floor instead. The last thing either of them needed was for Kamek to see Luigi making googly eyes at Bowser like they really were engaged.

Bowser took a couple ragged breaths, making a visible effort to calm down, then said tersely, “Luigi has to return home, and I am going with him because I still need his help. Not because I want to marry him. Do you understand me, Kamek?”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” the Magikoopa said, although he still sounded puzzled.

“And you are not to tell anyone where I am. Do you understand that?”

“Yes, sire.” Kamek cleared his throat and fidgeted, then dared to ask, “Uh, Your Majesty. . . what about Junior? You don't want him to know, either?”

Bowser's stony face softened, and he hesitated before shaking his head. “No. He can't. He might tell someone, even if he didn't mean to. He can't know what's happened to me, and he can't know where I'm going. Just. . . say goodbye to him for me, and tell him I'll bring him back a present. All right?”

Kamek nodded, and Bowser went on gruffly, “We'll leave the castle through the secret tunnel, but we'll need transportation to the warp pipe. It would take me forever to get there on foot, as slow as this body moves. Have the Shy Guys leave a balloon where the tunnel comes out of the castle, and I'll pilot it myself.”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” Kamek said for about the millionth time. He backed towards the door, aiming another intent look at Luigi who suddenly thought of something.

“Uh. . . Kamek?”

Kamek stopped midway through turning to the door and looked back at him. “. . . Yes?”

“Does anyone around here wear shoes?” Luigi asked him. “Big enough to fit Bowser's feet?”

“Now wait a minute!” Bowser huffed. “I get that I gotta cover up my dick, but my feet too? Why?”

Luigi explained, “You said yourself, human skin is a lot more delicate than Koopa skin! Some humans do go around barefoot all the time, but they're used to it, and their feet have toughened up. Your feet are brand new, so it'll hurt if you don't wear shoes.”

“I can handle a little pain!” retorted Bowser, but then he looked down at Luigi's own shoes and relented, “But I guess if wearing shoes is what humans do, I'd better do it too. Go find me some, Kamek! We'll meet you outside the tunnel.”

“Yes, sire,” replied the Magikoopa before slinking out of the room.

Bowser looked around his bedroom one last time, then sighed heavily and gestured for Luigi to follow him. . . into the bathroom.

“Uh. . . .” Luigi slung his bag of power-ups over his shoulder and trailed after the king. “Where are we going?”

“Secret tunnel, like I said,” Bowser muttered. “Gotta have some way to get in and out of here without the whole kingdom knowing. Only the royal family's supposed to know about it, but my father trusted Kamek enough to let him in on the secret. . . and I guess it's just as well. He can be useful, sometimes.”

As he was talking, Bowser had gone over to the hot tub and pressed a button on it that Luigi would have assumed operated the water jets. Instead, the whole tub began to move, sliding backwards on rollers to reveal beneath it something similar to one of New York's manholes but much wider—big enough for a king-sized Koopa to pass through.

“Hunh, I thought there was just lava under there,” Luigi observed as he came over and peered down into the hole. He couldn't see anything in it but darkness.

“That's what you were supposed to think,” Bowser said proudly. “Go on, hop in.”

“Um. . . it's. . . kind of dark down there,” Luigi gulped.

Bowser gave a little snicker and replied, “There's also a light switch down there. What, you scared of the dark?”

There wasn't much point in denying it, and Luigi grumbled, “As a matter of fact, I am.”

“Heh, then I'll go first since the big tough hero plumber might need protection from all the monsters running around down there.”

As Bowser sat and dangled his long legs into the hole, Luigi stammered, “M-monsters? H-how many monsters?”

Bowser jumped down into the darkness and called up from within, “One! Me, and I don't like to be kept waiting, so c'mon!”

Luigi weighed his options, decided that anything down there couldn't be worse than what he'd find in the New York sewer system, and dropped down into the hole. It was much deeper than he'd expected, and he gave a little yelp as he kept falling—then a louder one when, instead of hitting the ground, he fell right into Bowser's outstretched arms, bag and all.

“See? Nothing to be scared of!” Bowser declared, his gravelly voice rumbling in his chest, against which Luigi was now cradled with his head resting on one of the king's bulging pecs.

“Y-you didn't say you were going to catch me!” Luigi stammered.

“Pretty cool, right? It's called a princess carry!” enthused Bowser. “I practiced it for years so I'd be ready to carry Peaches over the castle threshold after our wedding—might as well use it for something. Didn't know if I'd be able to do it in this body, but it's easy!”

He used his elbow to bump the light switch he'd mentioned, and a few dim lights came on to faintly illuminate a long tunnel ahead of them. Bowser started stalking along it—without putting Luigi down.

“That's—that's great, but I'm not. . . not a princess. . . .” Luigi's voice grew fainter as he realized just how nice it felt to be carried, especially in Bowser's strong arms with his cheek pressed to the larger man's warm, muscular chest.

“Nobody's perfect,” said Bowser. “You could be a princess though—bet Peaches would give you a title if you asked. Princess Luigi of Brooklyn.”

“Shut up and put me down,” grumbled Luigi.

Bowser laughed, “Suit yourself,” and dropped him on his feet. As they walked along in silence, Luigi tried to think about anything but being in Bowser's arms. His mind ended up settling on what Bowser had said to Kamek about having to keep the truth from Bowser Jr.

I don't know what it's like to have a kid, Luigi thought, but if I had to leave home for who knows how long without saying goodbye to Mario, and he couldn't even know where I was going. . . I'd feel terrible!

“Bowser?” he said after another minute.

“Yeah?”

“I'm sorry you couldn't say goodbye to your son.” Luigi glanced up at Bowser as he spoke.

Bowser gave him a surprised glance in return, then looked down at the stone floor of the tunnel as he muttered, “Yeah. Me too. But the way that kid talks, there's no way he wouldn't blab to somebody or another what had happened. And if he knew I was headed for the Mushroom Kingdom, he'd throw a tantrum 'cause he couldn't come too.”

“Has he been there before? Or does he just want to go everywhere Dad does?” Luigi asked wryly and was gratified when Bowser chuckled without looking so depressed as before.

“That's part of it, but mostly, he'd be mad if I didn't take him with me so he could see Peach.”

“Oh,” mumbled Luigi. Of course Peach had something to do with it. She usually did, it seemed.

Oblivious to the unenthusiastic response, Bowser rambled on, “My fault, really. One time when he was real little, he asked why I wanted to marry Peaches so bad. And like, how are you gonna explain that to a hatchling? So I said I wanted to marry her so she could be his mama.” He chuckled again, ruefully this time. “He's been obsessed with 'Mama Peach' ever since. Loves her to death. Doesn't help that she's actually sweet to the kid whenever she's around him. She might hate me, but she's never taken it out on him. . . and sometimes I wish she had, 'cause maybe then he'd quit asking me when Mama Peach is coming home so we can be a family.”

Why did I have to ask? Luigi lamented. I've probably made him feel worse than ever. And I always thought Mario was the one without any tact.

He asked aloud, “Will he be okay while you're gone?”

“Oh yeah, sure,” Bowser said immediately. “Kamek'll look after him, like he always looked after me when I was a kid. He took care of Junior the whole time Peach had me locked up, and the kid's less work now that he's older.”

“I didn't realize you had him back then,” murmured Luigi. Somehow, it had never registered with him, even though he knew Bowser Jr. had to be more than two years old. It made him wonder who the boy's biological mother had been. . . and why she wasn't his “mama” now.

“Yeah. I kinda think that's the only reason Peaches finally agreed to release me. She didn't want to take his old man away from him forever.” Before Luigi could think of anything to say in reply, Bowser stopped walking and said, “Here's where we get out. The tunnel goes on from here to other parts of the Darklands, but we're outside the castle here, so this is far enough.”

He reached up and pushed with both hands on a spot on one wall a little higher than Luigi's head. Bowser grunted with effort as he slowly shoved a rock aside to reveal an opening through which daylight—or at least as much daylight as there ever was in the Darklands—shone.

“That rock was a lot less heavy back when I was a Koopa,” he grumbled, then gestured Luigi over to the wall. “I'll give you a boost out, princess.”

“I can climb out myself,” retorted Luigi. Bowser's smirk of response made him all the more determined to do so. He lifted both arms to grip the edge of the opening and started to find a foothold on the wall. . . and then Bowser came up behind him, wrapped both arms around his waist, and lifted Luigi as easily as he would his young son.

He shoved Luigi through the opening in the wall, the plumber landing on his hands and knees in an extremely undignified position, then crawled out after him. When Luigi sat up hurriedly and turned to glare at him, Bowser was smirking more than ever as he shrugged and said, “My way was quicker.”

–

to be continued

Chapter Text

The Shy Guys had already come and gone, and a balloon was waiting on them. . . as was Kamek. Embarrassed that the Magikoopa had witnessed his involuntary emergence from the tunnel at the hands of Bowser, Luigi jumped to his feet and brushed off his gloves and the knees of his overalls.

Kamek seemed to give him a funny look before turning to Bowser, and Luigi comforted himself with the thought, At least he didn't hear Bowser call me “princess”!

“Everything is ready, Your Majesty,” Kamek informed Bowser, holding up a burlap drawstring sack. “Here are the shoes!”

“I still don't see why I have to wear them,” Bowser grumbled as he snatched the bag from Kamek and shoved his hand in. He pulled out a shoe, held it up, then exclaimed, “What the fuck!”

It was a bright pink high heel.

“I'm sorry, sire, but they're all I could find at such short notice!” apologized Kamek. “They belong to Wendy. No one else in the castle wears shoes!”

“It's bad enough that this looks like a skirt!” Bowser snarled with a gesture down at the towel he wore. “I'm not wearing heels too!” He shoved the shoe into the bag, threw it back at Kamek, and turned to stalk towards the balloon's basket, only to step on one of the many sharp rocks littering the ground.

When the king swore, “Shit!” and held his foot up, Luigi said pointedly, “See? That's why—”

“Shut up!” Bowser limped the rest of the way to the balloon and started climbing into the basket.

With a sigh, Luigi turned to Kamek and held out his hand. “I'll take the shoes with us in case he changes his mind.”

Kamek nodded and handed the bag to Luigi to carry along with his own. The Magikoopa stood on his toes—at least Luigi assumed he did, although he couldn't see Kamek's feet beneath his robes—to look at Bowser over the plumber's shoulder.

“This is all highly irregular,” Kamek muttered. Luigi was pretty sure he was talking to himself, although his Lorre-esque voice made everything he said sound like he was plotting a conspiracy. “I wonder if that spell affected his mind somehow, as well as his body. . . .”

Luigi had started to turn away, but at that, he stopped and looked back at Kamek worriedly.

“You mean—you think Bowser might have gone crazy or something?”

“Oh—no, no, nothing like that,” Kamek assured him, waving his wand around in a negating gesture. “Only that he isn't acting like himself. He's being civil to you!”

“Not exactly,” mumbled Luigi, thinking about all the yelling and threatening he'd endured in the past couple hours.

Kamek snapped, “He hasn't thrown you in the dungeon, has he? Which is quite extraordinary, considering that you are his worst enemy's brother! I knew he planned to leave the kingdom to keep his transformation from being discovered. . . but to go into the heart of enemy territory, in order to be with you?”

“Because I'm the only human around here who doesn't hate him!” Luigi said in exasperation.

To his extreme discomfiture, Kamek toddled forward and leaned up again, putting his wizened face close to Luigi's, before announcing, “As I said, his Majesty is the worst enemy of your brother, and he almost killed you two years ago. Why don't you hate him?”

“L-look,” stammered Luigi, “it'll be dark soon, so we really need to go—”

As if he hadn't spoken, Kamek talked right over him: “I know he isn't in love with you, because when Bowser's in love, the entire kingdom knows it. But if my spell has affected his thinking, maybe he really believes a political marriage is—”

This time, Luigi was the one to interrupt in a furious whisper so Bowser wouldn't overhear.

“We are not getting married! And his mind is fine—he's acting the same as always! Loud and rude.”

Kamek didn't speak or move, only continued to (presumably) stare at Luigi through his glasses. Luigi edged backward a step, about to make a break for it, when the Magikoopa abruptly demanded, “Do humans go into estrus?”

“Into. . . what?”

“Estrus! Heat!” Kamek clarified impatiently.

“Wh-wha—no!” Luigi yelped. “Why would you even ask—”

“Because it would explain everything!” Kamek enthused. “If his Majesty has chosen to mate with you, then you should be honored—”

Luigi was saved by Bowser himself, who yelled from the balloon, “What the hell is taking so long? Let's go!”

“Goodbye, Kamek,” grumbled Luigi as he hurried over to the basket. He slung both bags in first, then started to climb in only to be further humiliated when Bowser grabbed him under both arms and lifted him in.

“What were you two talking about that was so important?” Bowser groused as he fired the balloon's burner. The hot air filling the envelope caused the balloon to lift off from the ground, and in Luigi's opinion, it couldn't float away fast enough. He very deliberately did not look down at Kamek as they escaped.

Luigi mumbled, “He, uh. . . was just telling me that I'd be in big trouble if I let anything happen to you.”

“Then why's your face all red?” Bowser challenged, glancing over his shoulder at Luigi. “What'd he say that embarrassed you so bad?”

Hitting upon an excuse, Luigi retorted, “Nothing! You embarrassed me—you'd better not keep picking me up like that when we get to the Mushroom Kingdom! I'll never hear the end of it.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever.” Bowser returned his attention to the burner, and Luigi turned his back on him in order to look over the side of the basket at the ground falling away beneath them. He didn't exactly like seeing all the lava down there, or realizing just how high up they were going, but it was better than looking at Bowser with Kamek's words ringing in his ears.

Luigi managed not to think about the whole. . . “estrus” thing (especially in light of Bowser's complaints about his persistent erections), but he still found something to worry about: What if the spell really did do something to his mind? I guess he isn't acting quite like normal, but I sort of assumed this was just a side of him I've never seen before, because I haven't been around him enough.

But maybe this isn't the “real” Bowser at all. Maybe he doesn't really mean anything he's said—

“So what's my name supposed to be?” Bowser suddenly asked from right behind him.

Luigi jumped. “Your name. . . ?”

“Yeah. If I'm supposed to be your friend from Brookling—”

“Brooklyn.”

“Brooklyn, whatever. Anyway, if I'm your friend, you'd better decide what my name is, now.” Bowser moved to stand beside Luigi and stared moodily over the side of the basket too. “Otherwise, someone's gonna ask, and you're gonna start to say my real name without thinking. Then you'll have to tell them something that starts with 'Bow,' and I'll be stuck with a name like 'Bowsy' the whole time I'm in the Mushroom Kingdom.”

“Oh.” The thought of needing a name for his “friend” hadn't even crossed Luigi's mind, and he glanced up at Bowser in surprise.

Seeing the look Luigi gave him, Bowser grumbled, “I'm not stupid, you know. Plotting schemes is what I do.”

“Right,” sighed Luigi. “Uh. . . how about. . . Dennis?”

Bowser frowned. “Why Dennis? Sounds kind of dorky.”

Luigi didn't think anyone named “Bowser” had room to talk, but instead of saying so, he shrugged and explained, “After Dennis Hopper, a famous actor where I come from—one of my uncle's favorites. He played the bad guy in a lot of movies, so. . . .”

“So since I'm always 'the bad guy,' that's what you're gonna call me,” Bowser said facetiously. “But fine. It's better than 'Bowsy.'”

Luigi considered what he'd been thinking a few moments before, about seeing a different side of the Koopa king than usual. Maybe Kamek's spell had altered Bowser's mind. . . but what if it hadn't? What if this really was the real Bowser?

“You're not always the bad guy,” said Luigi after a moment. “When you are, it's because you're trying to get what you want by doing bad things. But, uh. . . you haven't done that today. You've been—well, Kamek called it 'civil.'” Remembering a few of the things Bowser had said (like that Luigi was “pretty”) and done (like catching him in the tunnel rather than letting him fall), Luigi added quietly, “A couple times, you've even been nice.”

“Well don't you go around telling anybody that! I have a reputation to keep up,” retorted the king. “And as for 'doing bad things'—when I want something, I do whatever it takes to get it! I don't give a damn what anyone thinks of my tactics, as long as they work.”

Luigi countered, “But they don't work! I mean, I guess they do sometimes, but they've never gotten you what you want the most.” He paused then said in a more subdued voice, “You'll never get Peach to love you by kidnapping her, or conquering kingdoms, or hurting the people she cares about. You should try being nice.”

“You think I didn't try that?” Bowser growled. “Okay, yes, I kidnapped her a couple—well, a few times, but just because it was the only way to keep her near me long enough to show her how much I loved her! I'd never hurt Peaches, and I never so much as raised a claw against her. I did everything for her I could think of. . . I wrote her songs, I made her dinner, I sent her Piranha Pl—flowers! I would have made her queen of the Darklands. . . I would have given her the Super Star so she could be queen of the whole damn world. I would have gotten her anything she asked for! And you're telling me I could have done more? That wasn't being nice?”

The king's voice had risen with every sentence, and Luigi took a deep breath, gathering the courage to speak honestly instead of cowering and saying whatever Bowser wanted to hear. He turned to look up and made himself meet Bowser's eyes as he said firmly, “All of that was being nice to Peach. Not to anyone else. I do believe you'd never hurt her. But no matter what you try to give her, she'll never accept it, because she'll know you got it by hurting someone. If you. . . .”

Luigi trailed off and looked away before continuing. “If you want her to love you, you should act more like you've acted today. You wanted something from me, and you didn't hurt me to get it. . . . Yeah, you scared me to death a couple times, but you didn't hurt me. Instead, you made me realize that there's things I like about you, so now I'm willing to give you what you want and help you. That's the kind of 'being nice' I mean.”

Bowser was quiet for so long that Luigi finally looked at him again, only to find him staring off into space and frowning slightly. Luigi wondered if maybe he'd dumped more on the former Koopa than he could process at once, until Bowser's crimson eyes flicked back to Luigi's face and pinned his own.

“There's things you like about me?” Bowser asked.

Out of everything I said, he's focusing on that? Luigi wondered. He'd expected Bowser to get mad and yell at him, to brush off Luigi's words and ignore them, or to go on another Peach-centric rant.

“Well. . . yes,” Luigi admitted.

“Hunh.” Bowser lifted an eyebrow. “And? Like what?”

Luigi didn't have a list prepared, and he hoped he wasn't about to say something stupid as he stammered, “Um, you—you're a really talented musician, for one thing. And I was thinking earlier about how you can be charming, when you want to be and you make an effort. Before today, I wouldn't have thought you even had the ability to be nice, but you do.”

His eyes had drifted away from Bowser as he spoke, and now Luigi turned his head away completely as he murmured, “And before today, I wasn't so sure you had the capacity to love. . . but you do. You really do love Princess Peach, I realize that now. And you love your son. I like that about you.”

Once more, Bowser was quiet for a long, awkward moment, and Luigi was certain he'd just made a fool out of himself. He's going to start laughing at me, any second now. . . .

Then Luigi felt a very large hand grasping his chin. He flinched, thinking that instead of laughing at him, Bowser was about to start hitting him or something. Yet instead, the king just used his grip on Luigi's chin to turn his head back towards him so Luigi had to look at him—not exactly gently, but not too hard either.

“Uh. . . thanks for saying that,” Bowser muttered. “And for, uh—forgiving me? Is that the word?”

Luigi managed not to chuckle as he nodded. Forgiveness was apparently a pretty foreign concept to Bowser.

“Heh. . . .” Bowser loosened his grip on Luigi's chin slightly but kept his hand in place, sort of cupping it. His hand felt warm against Luigi's skin, a little rough but not as rough as Bowser seemed to think it was, and kind of comforting, the way Bowser's arms had felt carrying him.

He can be nice—and he can be gentle, too, Luigi realized. If I were Peach, if he loved me, I'd be able to feel completely safe with him. . . like he'd never hurt me, and he'd never let anything else hurt me, either.

“You're right,” Bowser went on, “I do love the kid, and I hope he knows it. But sometimes, I think that loving him, or anybody, is a weakness. Makes me vulnerable. Like loving Peaches—all that ever got me was humiliation, just like you said. That and unhappiness.”

As he spoke, lost in thought with his eyes looking somewhere over Luigi's head, he'd kept his hand cupped under Luigi's chin and started absently stroking the smaller man's cheek with his thumb—what, Luigi guessed, he'd be doing if it were Peach there beside him instead of Luigi.

It felt so nice that Luigi was sorely tempted to lean into the touch, but at that moment, Bowser's eyes drifted back down to his face. The king blinked then abruptly snatched his hand away and turned aside to gaze once more at his kingdom passing far beneath them. Luigi stifled a sigh of disappointment.

“Uh, anyway. . . maybe loving Junior does make me weak,” he muttered, “but I can't help it. And what I know is that it makes me is happy. The only time I'm ever happy is when I'm with him. I can't give that up.”

Luigi murmured, “It doesn't make you weak to love someone. More vulnerable, maybe, but that's different. I don't think anything about you is weak—and I know all about being weak.”

Bowser chuckled, in agreement Luigi presumed until the king said, “I wouldn't say that. You're no Koopa. . . but if you were weak, you wouldn't stand up to me. But you do, and that's something I like about you.”

“Oh. Um, thanks,” mumbled Luigi. “I'm. . . I'm glad.”

He sort of hoped Bowser would continue with other things he liked, but instead the former Koopa squinted down at the ground then announced, “There's the warp pipe to the Mushroom Kingdom!” He returned to the balloon's burner and turned it off, causing the balloon to slowly descend as the hot air in the envelope cooled. “Guess I'll just have to leave the balloon here and hope a patrol finds it before it gets damaged. Uh, not that I can't afford to replace it, ha! But an effective ruler doesn't waste resources, you know?”

Without waiting for a response to his rambling, Bowser clambered out of the balloon basket when it was a few feet off the ground and dropped to the rocks below, hauling the balloon down after him. Luigi didn't fail to notice how the former Koopa winced when his shoeless human feet hit the ground. When he held out his hand to help Luigi out of the basket, Luigi swallowed hard before placing his own gloved hand in it. Bowser's hand completely engulfed his own when the king folded his fingers around it and tugged.

He's still so big! Luigi marveled as he scrambled out of the basket, pulling the two bags out after him. Not just. . . there, but everywhere. I've never met another human man so big before. . . .

Once he'd recovered his wits, Luigi said, “I'd better go through the pipe first. The princess ordered some guards to wait on the other side until I returned, and they might freak out if a stranger came through.”

When Bowser nodded, Luigi edged towards the pipe a little nervously—even after all this time, he still disliked the sensation of warping—but then the king's hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“Just a minute, let's get our story straight,” Bowser said as Luigi looked up at him curiously. “I'm. . . Dennis, right? Your friend from Brooklyn.”

“You got it.”

“So how did we meet?” asked Bowser.

Luigi said impatiently, “I—I don't know! Why does it matter?”

“Because someone might ask!” retorted the king. “How would a guy like you and a guy like me end up being friends?”

How indeed? echoed Luigi dismally. Aloud, he muttered, “Uh, we. . . we can say we went to school together.”

“And just what was a human you went to school with doing in the Darklands?” Bowser persisted. “You gotta admit, it doesn't make much sense—you go off to meet with the Koopa king, and come back with some random guy from another world you happened to know a long time ago?”

“It wasn't that long ago!” grumbled Luigi irritably. “But. . . okay, fine, let me think a minute.” As annoying as Bowser was being, Luigi had to admit that he was right that “Dennis” needed a back story. He really isn't stupid, Luigi thought with grudging admiration. Oblivious and unobservant at times, but not stupid.

Finally, Luigi said, “Okay, how about this: the reason you—Koopa-king-you I mean—sent for me is that one of Kamek's spells accidentally opened a warp between our worlds, and some humans wandered into your castle before Kamek could close it. They were too scared to listen to you, so you needed another human to promise them that going back through the warp would get them home. The reason you sent for me is still the same—you didn't think Peach or Mario would help you.”

Bowser's wild eyebrows drew together as he responded, “And one of those humans just happened to be your old buddy Dennis? That's the most ridiculous story I've ever heard.”

“It's no more ridiculous than the truth!” snapped Luigi. “But no, that's too big of a coincidence. Instead, I'll say that after I took the humans back through the warp, I hung around New York a little while—that would explain why I was gone so long this afternoon. And I ran into you—er, 'Dennis' there, and since we hadn't seen each other in a long time, you decided to come back with me so we could spend some time together and catch up.”

“That still sounds pretty dumb, but whatever. I guess it doesn't matter as long as everyone buys it,” sighed Bowser.

Luigi shrugged. “I think they will. It wouldn't fool Peach, and especially not Mario since he knows I didn't have any—uh, that I didn't have a friend named Dennis when we were in school. But the Toads and Bob-ombs, and whoever else might be around, don't know enough about my world to realize that most humans wouldn't just up and leave it to hang out in another dimension for awhile.”

“Hunh. Yeah. We must've been pretty damn close friends for me to miss ya that bad.” Bowser smirked, and Luigi quickly pulled his shoulder out of the larger man's grip.

“Now that we have a story that meets with your approval,” Luigi muttered, “we need to go before Mario decides I've been away too long and comes busting through here to rescue me.”

Bowser made a sweeping gesture with his hand towards the warp pipe. “Be my guest, princess.”

Luigi said through clenched teeth, “Oh, I forgot—there's one more thing.”

“Yeah? What's that?”

“In the human world, friends don't call each other 'princess.' So cut it out!” Luigi stepped forward within range of the warp and let it suck him into the pipe and through, before Bowser could reply.

–

to be continued

Chapter Text

Luigi emerged at the other end of the pipe into the Mushroom Kingdom, where at least a dozen Toad guards were awaiting his return—and were prepared to seal off the warp pipe if anyone else came through instead. “The” Toad was among them, and he greeted Luigi enthusiastically:

“You're back! Finally! Mario's been by about ten times to check for you, and he said that he was going after you if you weren't back by—oh hey, who's your friend?”

At the sound of the warp being activated a second time, Luigi looked back over his shoulder to see Bowser emerging. . . and every one of the guards turning to aim their weapons at him. The resulting expression of affront on Bowser's newly human face would have been funny if Luigi hadn't been so afraid that the Toads would attack him. Or that he would attack them.

Luigi stammered, “Um, he, uh, he's an old friend from—”

“That's cool. Stand down!” Toad yelled at the guards. “Any friend of Luigi's is a friend of ours. . . right?”

He said this last to Luigi with such a cheerful smile on his objectively adorable face, that Luigi felt terribly guilty.

“R-right,” he mumbled.

“Great! Now c'mon, we can't keep the princess waiting! She's been anxious for you to get back too.” Toad added to the guards, “Seal off the warp, and move out!” before turning and striding (as much as his short legs could stride) along the paved stone walkway that led to the castle. The warp pipe was technically located on the castle grounds, but some distance from the castle itself. It was kept inaccessible except under very particular circumstances to prevent any of Bowser's minions from turning up on the grounds unexpectedly.

Which was what Bowser himself had just done.

Thanks to Luigi.

What am I doing?! he demanded of himself as he trudged after Toad, who was chattering on about the day's progress with the Bob-omb negotiations, oblivious to Luigi's nervousness. I'm leading Princess Peach's worst enemy, the guy who's tried to kidnap her over and over, right into the castle! Why the heck am I trusting him? What if he's been lying all along, and as soon as he's in, he'll turn back to normal and kidnap her all over again?

Luigi glanced over at Bowser walking beside him with his arms folded across his bare chest, scowling at the Toad guards who were sneaking glances of their own at him. As far as Luigi could tell, none of them suspected the truth; rather, they appeared just to be in awe of a human bigger than any other they'd ever seen before.

Maybe bigger than anyone they've ever seen before, aside from Bowser himself! Luigi realized. Mario's “frenemy” Donkey Kong might be larger, but as Luigi usually tried to avoid getting too close to the giant ape, he couldn't be certain of exactly how big DK was.

When Bowser saw Luigi looking at him, he leaned down and growled in the plumber's ear, “All these little—little fungi are staring at me! I told you I look ridiculous.”

“And I told you that you don't! You're just big is all,” Luigi whispered back. “I think you're big, and most of the Toads are half my size.”

Bowser opened his mouth as if he were about to reply, but he was interrupted by Toad, who had fallen back to walk on Luigi's other side as he asked Bowser, “Hey, so what's your name? You from the human world like Luigi and Mario and Princess Peach?”

Glowering, Bowser straightened up and muttered, “It's Dennis, and yes. I'm from Brook. . . lyn.”

“Cool, cool. So what's with the skirt?” Toad asked brightly. Bowser's glower deepened as he turned it on Luigi. Luigi winced as Toad rambled on, “I've only ever seen human princesses wear skirts, not guys. Luigi and Mario always wear pants!”

“It isn't a skirt!” Bowser fairly snarled. “It's a—”

“It's called a kilt!” Luigi said quickly, before Bowser could say “towel.” “Dennis is, uh—he's Scottish.”

Toad frowned. “You mean he's not human?”

“No, no, he's human!” cried Luigi. “Totally, one hundred percent human, haha. 'Scottish' just means he's from a country in our world called Scotland. Historically, men there wore kilts, like, uh. . . like this.” He gestured weakly at Bowser's towel. “And modern Scottish men wear them too sometimes, to show that they're proud of their heritage.”

“Ohhh, I see,” Toad said sagely. He was quiet a few seconds, and Luigi exhaled a sigh of relief. . . until Toad demanded, “So why isn't he wearing a shirt? You and Mario always wear shirts! Do Scottish men not wear them?”

Luigi gulped, “He, uh—”

“I got hot and took it off!” Bowser really did snarl that time. Luigi winced again, certain that Toad would recognize the former Koopa's voice now that he was yelling like usual. Fortunately, though, they were nearing the castle's side entrance, and Toad was distracted. He just nodded before trotting ahead to open the door for Luigi and his “friend.”

The guards trailed them all the way through the castle until they reached the conference room where Princess Peach had been holding most of her meetings with the Bob-omb delegations, although Luigi assumed those were finished for the day considering that it was almost dark by now. Then the guards fell back while Toad pushed the doors open and announced, “Luigi's back!” proudly. Toad always seemed to enjoy feeling important, but Luigi completely understood what it was like to have been a nobody your entire life, only to become abruptly a somebody.

As Luigi followed Toad into the room with Bowser right behind him, Mario jumped out of his chair at the conference table and raced over to greet his little brother.

“Luigi! You're all right!” he cried. He didn't even seem to notice Bowser, but as Luigi glanced past him at the princess, he realized that Peach certainly had. She was staring at the intruder with her blue eyes getting wider by the second. A couple of black Bob-ombs were still present as well, sitting on extra tall chairs so they could see over the table. They too stared, but like the Toads, they seemed to be merely curious about the human stranger.

“He brought an old friend, too! Name's Dennis!” Toad went on.

“Dennis?” Peach repeated incredulously. The expression on her pretty face was one Luigi had never seen before, and he wasn't sure if she were about to explode in fury or burst out laughing. Maybe both at the same time. Luigi glanced up at Bowser to see that his expression, at least, was clearly readable: he looked very, very embarrassed. Luigi hoped that meant that he really was stuck in human form and not about to become a giant, fire-breathing turtle again and kidnap the princess—laughing all the while at how foolish Luigi had been to trust him.

Mario finally looked over at Bowser and squinted at him before echoing Peach in a puzzled tone: “. . . Dennis? I didn't know you had a friend named—”

Panicking, Luigi clapped a hand over Mario's mouth then shook his head hard at Peach, behind Toad's back. He was afraid his brother, the princess, or both would blow Bowser's cover in front of Toad, the Bob-ombs, and all the guards, who had crowded around the open door to peer in and watch the introductions.

Thankfully, Mario ceased his protests, keeping his mouth shut when Luigi dropped his hand. And, apparently, Princess Peach trusted him too, for she regulated her expression into the polite smile she usually wore at royal functions. Luigi was silently grateful, although the smile clearly didn't reach the princess's eyes, which narrowed ever so slightly as she addressed her erstwhile reptilian suitor:

“Welcome to the Mushroom Kingdom. It's very nice to meet a friend of Luigi's.”

For once in his life, Bowser seemed to be tongue-tied and just stared at her until Luigi kicked him in the leg, fuming, He's not making this any easier! He's supposed to be acting like my friend, not ogling her!

Bowser grunted and leaned down to rub his leg, shooting Luigi a glare before he stammered, “Uh, yeah, nice to see you too, Peaches. I mean, Peach. I mean, Princess Peach.”

“'Peaches'?” Mario repeated under his breath. No one but Bowser ever called Peach that. Mario squinted at the giant human a second time; then his eyes widened almost as much as the princess's had.

Luigi preemptively covered his brother's mouth again and said loudly, “Princess, may we, uh, have an audience with you? Alone? I mean, except for Mario. . . .”

Peach's eyes darted from Bowser's face to Luigi's, and it took every ounce of his courage not to run away screaming. Then the princess's mouth twitched, and Luigi saw her bite down on her full pink lower lip. That royal smile didn't look so fake anymore which was probably a good sign for Luigi. . . and a bad one for Bowser. If Peach found the former Koopa's condition laughable, she likely wasn't going to blow her top after all, but at the same time, Luigi remembered how concerned Bowser had been that she would laugh at him.

Part of Luigi wanted her to laugh at him, since that would mean she didn't find human Bowser as devastatingly attractive as Luigi did. Yet as before, Luigi felt that it was horribly petty of him to wish such humiliation on the king, just because he was jealous. Which, Luigi gave in and admitted, he was. (Only because Bowser was a sexy human man now, of course. Not because he was Bowser.)

Even if she rejects him in this form too, he's always going to love her anyway, Luigi told himself. He'd never want me, human or not. And why should I want him to?!

That was a question Luigi didn't have an answer for. Peach saved him from dwelling on it by responding in her polite, royal voice, “Yes, of course. Toad, if you'll excuse us?”

“Yes, Your Highness,” Toad replied grandly with a deep, completely unnecessary bow. Luigi couldn't be certain if he were showing off his importance to “Dennis,” the other Toad guards, the Bob-ombs, or all of the above.

Peach smiled at him—genuinely this time—then turned to the two Bob-ombs who were hopping down from their seats. She told them, “Thank you for your time today. I hope you have a pleasant evening, and if you should need anything, please ask one of the Toads.”

Both Bob-ombs dipped their fuses in her direction and said, “Good evening, Princess Peach,” simultaneously. However, one of them left the room more slowly than the other, dragging his little feet and fixing his round, white eyes on “Dennis” as he walked past. Even without any pupils or irises to give it, it was a very pointed look, which the Bob-omb then turned on Luigi as he walked even slower.

Luigi recognized him—which was possible, he'd learned, because despite appearing exactly alike superficially, each Bob-omb had unique characteristics. Luigi had tried to explain this to Mario, who just laughed, and to Peach, who did at least make one day's effort of telling them apart before giving up and admitting that Luigi had a better eye than she did. As he'd told Bowser, the Bob-ombs liked him, and Luigi was pretty sure that treating them as individuals had a lot to do with that.

This particular Bob-omb, whose name was Sparky, stood out to Luigi because he carried his fuse at a slightly different angle than most. He lived in a small settlement called Bob-omb Village and had been chosen by King Bob-omb to represent it at the treaty negotiations. Sparky was generally a gentle, peaceful Bob-omb—especially for being a black one instead of a pink one—but he was brave and had spunk, qualities which caused Luigi to admire him.

Now, though, Luigi wished the little guy didn't have quite so much spunk, because the suspicious way Sparky was eyeing him and Bowser made him nervous. Luigi gave the Bob-omb a shaky smile and waved a little, but Sparky only looked at him harder before finally following his compatriot and Toad out.

Peach closed the door behind them, then stood for a moment with her back to the three human men left in the room. Her shoulders shifted as if she were taking a deep breath and letting it out again; then she turned to face the others with her hands on her hips.

“Luigi?”

“Y-yes, Princess Peach?” the younger plumber stammered.

“I do hope that you've 'requested an audience' in order to tell me what, exactly, is going on here,” Peach said flatly. “This. . . 'Dennis' is who I think he is, right?”

Before Luigi could reply, Bowser took a couple steps towards the princess and began, “Look, Peaches, just let me explain—”

“I don't want to hear anything that you have to say!” Peach interrupted sharply. “I am speaking to Luigi.”

Lucky me, thought Luigi as Bowser fell back to stand next to him, scowling but without protesting otherwise. Mario was scowling as well, and Luigi quietly marveled at Peach's ability to silence normally loud, opinionated men with just a few words or even only a look.

Unfortunately for Luigi, he wasn't a man she wanted to keep quiet. Peach looked at him expectantly, so he took a deep breath of his own and said, “Yes, he's—he's Bowser. Er, I mean, King Bowser. There's been an, um. . . accident.”

Luigi went on to explain Bowser's predicament, why the king had asked for his help, and—with much trepidation—why he had escorted the greatest threat to the Mushroom Kingdom directly into the heart of the castle. To Bowser's credit, he managed to keep his mouth shut throughout Luigi's narrative, but his silence didn't last long afterwards, thanks to Mario's reaction.

“Lu, I know what a nice, trusting guy you are,” the elder plumber said as soon as Luigi had finished, “but Bowser's obviously making it all up, and Kamek turned him human on purpose so he could infiltrate the castle! He's going to turn back into a Koopa any second now! Tell me you know that and you got some trick up your sleeve for us to capture him again or something. I mean, even you couldn't be so gullible as to believe this ridiculous story!”

Luigi knew Mario would never hurt his feelings intentionally, and his dislike of Bowser was getting the better of his mouth. Yet Luigi also knew that Mario meant what he said, even if he hadn't meant to say it: he really did think his little brother was a sucker for trusting Bowser. Luigi himself had suspected that only a few minutes before, but it didn't make Mario's opinion of him hurt any less.

He didn't get a chance to respond, though, because Bowser roared immediately, “I am not making it up, you idiot! Do you think I'd make myself look like this on purpose?! Everything Luigi said is true!”

When Mario scoffed, “You really expect me to trust you?”, Luigi expected Bowser to hurl another insult at him, loudly. Yet to his amazement, Bowser just glared down at the much shorter Mario for a second, then replied at what passed for a normal volume for him, though his deep voice still sounded harsh and tense.

“No. But I did expect you to trust your own brother.”

“Hunh?” Mario blinked then returned the glare. “Of course I trust him! He wouldn't lie to me—but you'd lie to him, and he'd believe it! Luigi—”

“Luigi has more sense than three of you put together!” Bowser interrupted in a growl. “That's why I asked him for help, because he knows how to think and not jump to conclusions. And because I knew he actually would try to help and not just laugh at me the way you and Peach would!”

At that, the princess actually looked a touch guilty, but Mario remained unmoved until Bowser finished, “If you trust Luigi so much, why can't you trust his judgment too? I'm not going to cause any trouble for Peach, I swear.”

The king turned to Luigi, who had been getting annoyed at the two of them talking about him like he wasn't even there, and asked, “You believe me, right?”

Mario and Peach turned to look at him too, and Luigi decided he preferred being ignored. He made himself focus on Bowser and demand firmly, “Do you promise you'll behave yourself?”

Bowser smirked. “Hey now, I said I wouldn't cause trouble—for Peaches. I didn't say anything about behaving myself, especially not for you.”

Luigi blushed and cursed himself for it. He didn't want to give Bowser the satisfaction of knowing he'd embarrassed Luigi by giving him a hard time in front of both his brother and the princess.

Still, he managed to keep his voice stern as he replied, “Well then promise you won't cause trouble.”

“Yeah, yeah, I promise,” sighed the former Koopa.

“All right, I believe you, then,” said Luigi.

The way Bowser smiled at him—not a smirk but a real smile this time—made Luigi's heart beat faster, which in turn made him blush even deeper. He tried to console himself regarding his embarrassment: It could have been worse. He could have called me “princess.”

Luigi looked over at Mario and asked, “Maybe I am too gullible, but will you trust my judgment this time?”

Mario gave Bowser one last mistrustful look but then put his hand on Luigi's shoulder and gave it a squeeze as he said, “Yeah, and I'm sorry, Lu. I shouldn't have said that. I just don't want anyone taking advantage of you—especially not him. But if you really do believe him, I guess I do too.”

“So do I,” Princess Peach said suddenly. “I never thought I'd say these words, but Bowser's right about something. Luigi, you really do know how to think, and while I wouldn't say you have more sense than three of Mario. . . maybe you do have a little more sense than just the one of him. You're usually just about the most level-headed person in the court, which is why I've relied so much on your assistance in negotiating with the Bob-ombs.”

Luigi couldn't help smiling with pride at that—nor could he help glancing at Bowser to be sure he'd heard that Peach really did need him, from the princess's own lips. Bowser had heard, which he made obvious when he rolled his eyes and folded his arms across his chest in an exaggerated huff.

Peach lifted a delicate golden eyebrow ever so slightly as she observed their silent interaction; then she continued, “So if you believe Bowser's telling the truth, then I'll trust that it's true. But what, exactly, does he want from us here in the Mushroom Kingdom?” She looked up at Bowser and added, “I'm still not going to marry you, so don't even ask.”

“I'm not!” Bowser retorted. “And I don't want anything from you and especially not from those Toads, except that you and Mario here don't tell anyone about this, and that you give me permission to hide out here until Kamek figures out how to change me back to my true self.”

Peach lowered her eyes and bit her lip once more, this time in thought. After a few seconds, she looked up again and said decisively, “All right, I will grant you permission to remain in the Mushroom Kingdom—temporarily. Only until the spell can be reversed.”

“Believe me, I don't want to stay in this place one second longer than I have to,” Bowser muttered. Luigi frowned at his ingratitude and gave the much larger man another kick to the leg, trying to signal that he should be thanking Peach instead of complaining.

Not surprisingly, Bowser didn't get it, and he glared down at Luigi and growled sotto voce, “What?”

“Say 'thank you'!” Luigi hissed back.

Bowser rolled his crimson eyes a second time but did tell the princess, “Thanks, Peaches. And you won't tell anybody about what's happened to me?”

“It won't leave this room. You have my word,” Peach replied then turned to Luigi's brother and prompted, “Right, Mario? You have to promise you won't make trouble either.”

Mario sighed deeply, looked from Peach to Luigi and back again, then agreed, “I can't say no to both of you. I promise.”

The princess favored him with a smile before saying to Bowser, “I do have one question. Why are you wearing a towel, and not much else?” She appeared to be stifling her laughter.

The king grumbled, “Nothing else would fit. And if you think the towel looks stupid, it was his idea!” He jerked a thumb in Luigi's direction.

Peach nearly choked on a giggle. “Y-you mean you weren't wearing any clothes when Luigi showed up?”

Luigi felt his stupid face blush all over again, and it only grew hotter when Bowser griped, “Of course not—Koopas hardly ever wear clothes, you know that! I didn't even think about needing them until Luigi here freaked out over me being naked.”

Peach gave up and burst out laughing so hard she could hardly breathe, and Bowser muttered to Luigi, “I told you she was gonna laugh at me.” Luigi didn't try to explain that Peach was laughing not at Bowser per se, but at Bowser being naked in front of him. The appalled expression on Mario's face was even worse than the princess's amusement, and Luigi wanted to change the subject as quickly as possible.

“Um, that is one thing he needs, something to wear,” he told Peach when she finally calmed down a little. “I know the Toads' clothing would all be too small, and so would me and Mario's clothes, but is there something around here that would fit him?”

“I'll send Toad to find something first thing in the morning,” Peach promised. “Some of the clothing shops sell larger things, for visitors to the kingdom. There's bound to be some clothes and shoes that are big enough for him.”

Seeing a chance to turn the tables and embarrass Bowser for a change, Luigi held up the bag containing Wendy O. Koopa's high heels and said, “Oh, he's got shoes.”

Bowser's tan cheeks flushed that lovely rose color as he growled, “No, no I do not have shoes. Don't listen to him!”

Luigi considered producing the shoes in question for Peach's further amusement, but then he decided he shouldn't be that mean. Instead, he shrugged and told the princess, “Okay, so he needs clothes and shoes then.”

“Where will you be spending the night, so Toad can bring them to you?” Peach asked Bowser. At the blank look he gave her, she added sharply, “Because you won't be spending it here. Allowing you to stay in my kingdom is one thing, but I'm not about to allow you to stay in my castle.”

Somehow, Luigi hadn't even considered that part of the plan. He began, “I. . . I guess he can stay at our—” Mario didn't let him finish.

“No!” the elder plumber exploded. “I am not sleeping under the same roof as him. That's taking things too far!”

Bowser glowered at him and yelled, “Then don't sleep under the same roof as me! Since Peach thinks you're so damn wonderful, I'm sure she'll let you spend the night here!”

Affronted, Peach snapped, “How dare you! If you say anything like that again, you're marching straight back to the Darklands!”

Luigi winced and asked timidly, “Would everyone please quit shouting?” Somewhat to his surprise, they did, but then they all turned to look at him which was almost worse. Luigi focused on Mario and said, “If you really feel that strongly about it, I'll take him to one of the Toads' inns, and we'll spend the night there.”

He didn't realize how that sounded until Peach's eyes widened and she murmured, “Oh!” significantly.

Thankfully, Mario didn't jump to the same conclusion the princess had, and he demanded, “What do you mean, 'we'? Why do you have to go with him?”

“I know he promised not to make trouble on purpose, but I still don't think it's a good idea to leave Bowser alone with the Toads,” Luigi explained. “And anyway, the whole reason he's even here is so I can help him get along as a human. I need to stay with him.”

“No way am I leaving him alone with you either,” retorted Mario. “I said I'll trust your judgment, but I'm still your big brother. If you've got to stay with him, I guess he can spend the night at our house. That way if he does try anything, I'll be there to protect you.”

Luigi didn't exactly like either Bowser or Peach hearing Mario declare that he needed protection, but at the same time, Luigi was touched that his brother cared for him so much that he'd let his enemy into their home.

“Thanks, Mario,” Luigi said softly. Then he turned back to the princess and said, “And thank you, Princess Peach.”

“You're welcome,” she replied, then smiled. “And if you really want to show me your gratitude, you'll be here to participate in the negotiations tomorrow. You don't need to arrive until noon, though—we're going to be meeting with King Bob-omb, and he likes to sleep late.”

“I'll be here,” promised Luigi. He glanced at Mario, then up at Bowser. “We should be going. It's getting late, and we'll need to do something about dinner. I'm guessing you eat a lot.”

Bowser shrugged. “Not near as much as I used to—but a lot more than your skinny self does, I bet.”

“Uh Luigi, you two go on ahead,” Mario said. “I'll catch up in a minute.”

Luigi understood Mario wanting a moment alone with Peach, but he had to wonder if it was only to say good night. . . or to talk to her about Bowser. And him.

Nevertheless, he nodded and bid Peach a good evening. Bowser did as well, albeit with an irreverent, “Night, Peaches!” and followed Luigi out of the room. Luigi was surprised that the king didn't say something more romantic and dramatic, nor express any pique over leaving his rival alone with their love interest, but apparently Bowser really was on his best behavior.

Still, he'd meant what he said about not “behaving himself” as far as Luigi was concerned. As they walked down the corridor leading away from the conference room, Bowser chuckled, “So you'll be meeting with King Bob-omb, hunh? Maybe Peach is gonna arrange that marriage after all, princess.”

“Shut up,” muttered Luigi.

Undeterred, Bowser went on, “Tell you what, I'll let you wear those high heels at your wedding, for the 'something borrowed' thing you gotta have. Bet they'll look great with those long legs of yours, and the pink'll be real pretty on you—”

“Shut up!” Luigi hissed in alarm as they neared the end of the corridor and he realized someone was standing there. . . someone small and round who was staring at Luigi intently as he approached.

“Uh, hi Sparky,” Luigi stammered when he reached the Bob-omb, whom he hoped hadn't heard Bowser teasing Luigi about marrying his king.

“We need to talk,” Sparky announced without preamble. He cut his white eyes up at Bowser and added pointedly, “Alone.”

Luigi considered making an excuse about being late for something or other, but he feared that blowing off the Bob-omb might impact the next day's negotiations. Therefore, he nodded and told Bowser, “Wait here, I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere.”

“Whatever, just hurry up. I'm starving,” the former Koopa complained. Luigi stepped out of the corridor with Sparky into the vestibule beyond, where the Bob-omb stopped and stared up at him again.

“Um, so what did you want to talk about?” Luigi asked him with a nervousness that only increased at Sparky's response.

“I know what's going on here.”

Luigi stammered, “You. . . wh-what? What do you mean, 'what's going on'?”

“I mean him. Dennis,” Sparky replied sharply. “It's obvious, Luigi. You're not fooling anyone.”

Oh no, oh no, thought Luigi as he tried not to panic. None of the Toads or the other Bob-omb recognized Bowser, so how could he figure it out so quickly?!

Aloud, he tried to play dumb: “I don't know what you're talking about, little guy. Like Toad said, Dennis is my friend from—”

“Don't even bother!” snapped Sparky. “You're a terrible liar. I know exactly who he is, and I know why you weren't here today for the negotiations! Maybe they aren't important to you, but they're important to us. Most of us black Bob-ombs want peace as much as the red ones do—our homes and maybe even our lives are at stake! And we need you to help us get it, so from now on, you'll just have to see your boyfriend on your own time instead of skipping out on our meetings so you can sneak off and—and canoodle with him!”

Luigi was so confused that for a moment, all he could process was the word “canoodle,” which he'd never heard used in an actual conversation before. Then what Sparky was saying really sank in.

Sparky didn't think that “Dennis” was Bowser, king of the Koopas.

Sparky thought that “Dennis” was Luigi's boyfriend.

As embarrassing as that was, Luigi felt even worse that the Bob-omb believed he'd skip their meeting just to go on a date. Yet he couldn't tell Sparky the truth: that he'd been absent that day because the Bob-ombs did matter to him, because he'd feared that Bowser would disrupt the negotiations if Luigi didn't answer his summons.

Luigi dropped to his knees so that he was closer to Sparky's eye level and said gently, “I'm really sorry, Sparky. I won't miss any more meetings, I promise—and I promise that you guys are important to me. I want you to have peace too, so you can be safe and happy. Princess Peach has asked me to come to her meeting with King Bob-omb tomorrow, and I'll do everything I can to convince him to sign the treaty. Okay?”

Sparky looked at him intently for another few seconds then to Luigi's relief said quietly, “Okay. But remember, you promised. If you miss another meeting, I'm gonna come find you two. That big lug won't feel much like smooching you after I blow up in his face.”

Luigi couldn't help snickering at that mental image, even as his heart beat faster when he wondered what it would feel like to be “smooched” by “Dennis.”

“I'll keep that in mind,” he told the Bob-omb as he got back to his feet. “Have a good night, Sparky. I'll see you tomorrow.”

“G'night, Luigi.” Sparky “smiled”—half-closing his white eyes in a happy expression—then marched on through the vestibule as Luigi returned to the corridor where Bowser was, thankfully, still waiting for him.

“Took you long enough,” the king grumbled. “What'd he want, anyway?”

Luigi told him part of the truth: “He was mad that I missed the negotiations today. I promised I'd be there tomorrow.” He kept the rest of what Sparky had said to himself, because the last thing he wanted was for Bowser to know that someone thought they were a couple.

–

to be continued

Chapter Text

Thanks to Sparky's delay, Mario caught up to Luigi and Bowser before they left the castle. Mario gave Bowser a hard, mistrustful look then ignored him and talked only to Luigi as they walked to the brothers' house. Although the sun had long since set, the streets of the city surrounding the castle were well-lit by street lamps, and they were still fairly crowded with Toads. . . all of whom stared at the strange, enormous human walking alongside their plumber heroes.

Luigi tried to concentrate on what Mario was telling him about the meeting he'd missed that day, but it was difficult what with the attention Bowser was attracting. He was relieved when they were finally home, and he hurried to shut and lock the door as soon as they were inside.

Bowser looked terribly out of place standing in the Mario brothers' small living room; he seemed far too big for it, not to mention how outlandishly he was dressed. He looked around the room, which was mostly filled by a couch and the TV, and frowned.

“This is where you guys live?” he asked.

“And just what is wrong with it?” retorted Mario, folding his arms across his chest and glaring up at his nemesis. “Just because we don't live in a castle full of lava, it's not good enough for you?”

Bowser grumbled, “It's not that, just. . . I thought the Mushroom Kingdom's famous heroes would live somewhere fancier.”

Mario shot back, “Well, we don't, and for your information, we like it here.” Then he went back to ignoring Bowser and instead turned to Luigi to ask, “So what are we going to do about dinner? Should I call and get something delivered?”

Luigi shook his head quickly and said, “No! I'll make some spaghetti or something.” Getting delivery would mean having to wait for it to arrive, and that would mean sitting around making awkward small talk with Mario and Bowser until it did. Luigi much preferred having something to do instead.

“You want me to keep an eye on him while you're cooking?” Mario asked with what sounded like great reluctance, and Luigi again demurred immediately. Leaving Mario alone with Bowser, without Luigi to mediate between them, would be a terrible idea.

“He can come to the kitchen with me,” Luigi assured Mario. “You just hang out and relax! I'm sure you had a really stressful day with the negotiations and all, right?” Luigi was also sure that Mario's day couldn't have been half as stressful as his own, but Mario was far more likely to destress by getting in a fist fight with their guest.

Mario gave Bowser another suspicious look before agreeing, “All right. . . but yell if you need any help, okay?” Luigi had a feeling his brother was not referring to needing help with the cooking.

Luigi stuck his bag of power-ups—and the bag containing the pink high heels—in his bedroom then led Bowser to the kitchen. It wasn't any bigger than the living room, and Luigi always felt crowded when cooking with Mario in there with him, much less the giant former Koopa. Luigi sat Bowser down at the kitchen table in the hopes of keeping him out of the way, then started gathering the supplies he'd need for dinner. . . beginning with the largest pot he had. He had the feeling that feeding Bowser was going to take a lot of spaghetti.

“This place is tiny!” the king in question complained from where he slouched at the table. “D'you really like it here?”

“It doesn't seem so tiny to normal sized humans,” Luigi replied with his back to Bowser as pulled off his gloves, stuck them in his pocket, and started boiling some water to cook the pasta. “But yes, we like it. It reminds me of home—I mean, my old home, back in Brooklyn.”

“You lived in a place like this in the human world too?” Bowser asked. Since he now sounded more curious than disdainful, Luigi explained.

“Yeah. It was an apartment instead of a house, but on the inside, it was a lot like this. Mario and I lived there with our parents and the rest of our family. For a long time after we moved here, it felt kind of weird with it just being the two of us, but I'm used to it by now. More or less,” he finished in a mumble. Sometimes he felt a lot “less” used to it than “more,” even after two years. The house was always much quieter than their old home had been, and as close as he was to Mario, Luigi still missed the rest of his family, especially his mom.

But none of that was anything that Bowser needed to know. He'd think I was pathetic if he knew how homesick I still get! Luigi told himself.

“Hunh. I'd go nuts if I didn't have my own space,” observed Bowser. “Tell me you and Mario at least got separate bedrooms.”

Luigi had to laugh at that. “Of course we do, the place isn't that small.”

He had started cooking some meat in a skillet to add to the spaghetti sauce, and Bowser commented, “Hey, that smells good. What is it?”

“Uh, ground beef. . . ?” Luigi still had his back to the other man, and he jumped when Bowser next spoke from right behind him as he peered over Luigi's shoulder. Luigi hadn't heard him get up.

“What's a beef? Something from the human world?”

“It's cow meat. I think you call them, er, Moo Moos,” Luigi stammered. Part of him wanted to laugh again at the silly name, but the other part of him was very very nervous with Bowser standing so close to him, especially when the much larger former Koopa leaned down with his broad chest pressed up against Luigi's back as he frowned at the skillet.

Bowser asked skeptically, “Humans eat Moo Moos?”

“Yeah? And you don't?”

“Nah, they're just for making milk.” Bowser sniffed the aroma of the frying meat and admitted, “But like I said. . . it does smell good. S'pose it won't kill me to try it.”

Luigi started to ask just what kind of meat Koopas did eat, but then he decided he might not want to know. Bowser straightened up, although he didn't back away, and watched Luigi drop the uncooked pasta into the boiling water.

“What's that?”

“Spaghetti,” answered Luigi as patiently as he could manage. “It's a kind of pasta.”

“What's pasta?”

Luigi groaned, “Never mind! You'll see when we eat it. Did you really make dinner for Princess Peach before?”

“Yes!” Bowser retorted indignantly. “Just because I don't know what all this weird human food is, doesn't mean I don't know how to cook. I actually like to cook!”

Luigi never would have guessed Bowser enjoyed doing anything remotely domestic, but then, it wasn't the first time that day the king had surprised him.

“Okay, okay, I believe you,” he chuckled. “What'd you make for Peach?”

When Bowser said, “Mushrooms,” Luigi chuckled harder, “I should have guessed. In that case, make yourself useful and cook some for me to put in the spaghetti sauce. They're in the refrigerator.”

“Hmph, fine! I'll show you—gimme a pan!” growled Bowser as he stomped over to the refrigerator.

Luigi still felt awfully crowded with both of them using the stove at once, but at least Bowser wasn't pressed up against his back anymore. Out of the corner of his eye, Luigi watched the other man—who really did know how to cook, or at least how to sauté mushrooms—and smiled slightly as he realized he actually liked having Bowser there. Mario was fairly useless at cooking and inadvertently gave Luigi more trouble than assistance when he tried to help in the kitchen, so Luigi usually cooked alone. Having some company was nice.

“So you're gonna put these and the Moo Moo meat on those noodle things?” Bowser asked after a minute.

“Uh. . . right,” said Luigi, deciding that correcting his terminology wasn't worth the bother. “Along with spaghetti sauce made from tomatoes.  I cook a lot of it at once and keep it in jars so making spaghetti doesn't take as long. If it was just for me, I'd put the mushrooms in the sauce ahead of time, but Mario hates mushrooms, so I only add them to my spaghetti.”

Bowser snickered, “Wait—he hates mushrooms? Why hell did he move to the Mushroom Kingdom then?”

Knowing Bowser probably wasn't going like to the answer, Luigi said awkwardly, “I, uh. . . think Peach had a lot to do with it.”

“Hmph,” Bowser snorted a second time. Still, he surprised Luigi when, instead of launching into a rant, he asked, “Then why did you move here?”

“Because Mario wanted to. We've never been apart for very long,” murmured Luigi. “The longest we were ever separated was when. . . when I was your prisoner.”

Incredulously, Bowser said, “Really? That wasn't a long time at all!”

Luigi grumbled, “Maybe not to you, especially since you forgot I even existed. It was plenty long to me. Now let me have that pan, the mushrooms look done.” He snatched the pan off the stove then got to work draining the pasta over at the sink across the room from Bowser and mixing in the meat and sauce, intending to put an end to the conversation. Bowser's dismissal of his imprisonment as “not long,” along with the king's implied judgment of Luigi's dependence on his brother, had ruined his good mood.

But as usual, Bowser didn't know when to shut up. He leaned his back against the counter beside the stove and watched Luigi as he argued, “Didn't you have your own life back in Brooklyn, though? Stuff you didn't wanna give up just 'cause Mario wanted to leave?”

“Not really,” muttered Luigi. “We did everything together.”

“Didn't you have a girlfriend?”

Luigi nearly dropped the bowl he was holding. He gulped, “Wh-what? Why would you think—”

Bowser rolled his eyes. “Okay, didn't you have a boyfriend then, whatever.”

“No!” Luigi yelped. “I—I mean, I didn't have an anything. Why would you think I did?”

“Why wouldn't I?” Bowser countered with a shrug. “If Mario can get Peaches to like him, you must've had people throwing themselves at you.”

Luigi could only stare at him with his mouth hanging open for a second before he very deliberately turned away and focused on finishing up the spaghetti instead.

“No,” he muttered, “I didn't. Mario's always been the popular one, and no one's ever been interested in me. . . . Well, except there was this one girl I liked back in high school, who wouldn't have anything to do with me. But then after Mario and I saved our city—from you—she actually called and asked me out. I guess she thought I was more interesting once I became a 'hero.'”

“And you didn't go out with her?” Bowser persisted.

Luigi sighed, “Of course not! I don't want to be with someone who can't like me for me.”

“Well, you shouldn't be. You deserve better than that, Luigi.” Bowser actually sounded serious, and when Luigi turned back to look at him again, he looked serious.

Luigi murmured, “Thanks for saying that, Bowser.”

The king smiled, faintly. “Yeah, well. I know how it is. No one's ever liked me for me either. And around the time you and your stupid brother turned up here, I realized no one ever would, 'specially not Peaches. If giving her the Super Star wouldn't make her want to marry me, nothing would, so that's why I was gonna force her to marry me. If I couldn't make her love me, I thought it'd be the next best thing.”

“It wouldn't have been,” said Luigi. “It's like if I had dated Destiny—uh, that's the girl I was talking about. Yeah, she would've been my girlfriend just like I'd always wanted, same as Peach would've been your wife. But I couldn't be happy knowing Destiny didn't really love me. . . and you wouldn't have been happy knowing the same about Peach.”

Bowser replied, “I know that, now. I'm probably never gonna be happy, so what would the point have been of making Peaches miserable too? If she'd rather stay here and play princess to a bunch of Toads instead of be Queen of the Darklands, more power to her, I guess.”

Is he really so unhappy? Luigi wondered. Earlier today, he said that the only time he was happy was when he could be with his son, and I thought he was exaggerating. . . but maybe he meant it. Peach must be the only other thing he cares about, if he thinks giving up on her is giving up on happiness altogether.

It made Luigi sad himself to contemplate—sad and truly sorry for Bowser. As much as Luigi wished he could find love, there were so many other things that made him happy too: Mario and the rest of his family; Peach, Toad, and the other inhabitants of the Mushroom Kingdom who had become his friends; cooking and working on pipes and everything else he enjoyed doing.

Perhaps most of all, it made Luigi happy when he was able to help others. Even something as tedious and stressful as the current negotiations brought him joy when he thought of what peace would mean to Sparky and the rest of the Bob-ombs.

And it makes me happy to know I'm helping him, too, Luigi thought as he looked up at Bowser. Not because I think he could ever have feelings for me, but just because I can make a difference to someone's life, even if that difference is only little and temporary. Is he really so selfish that he doesn't care about helping anyone but himself? That nothing can please him except for getting what he wants?

. . . No, a completely selfish person wouldn't care for his son as much as he does, and he wouldn't have defended me in front of Mario and Peach.

Luigi's sympathy for Bowser gave him the courage to cross the room to put his hand on the king's muscular arm and pat it as he said aloud, “Don't say you'll never be happy. There's a lot more to life than romantic love. You just said you like to cook, and you like music, right? And being around Bowser Jr. So do more of that stuff—er, once you're back to normal, I mean—and let yourself enjoy it instead of making yourself miserable dwelling on what you can't have.”

Bowser made a sort of thoughtful “hrm” noise and looked down at Luigi's hand still resting on his arm. Without his glove to interfere, Luigi could feel the texture of Bowser's skin—again, not as rough as he seemed to think it was—and its warmth. All of that felt nice, and his firm bicep felt even nicer, but Luigi quickly pulled his hand back when Bowser noticed it.

After a few seconds, the king raised his eyes back to Luigi's and said quietly, “Yeah, I guess you're right. I do enjoy all that stuff, and other things. Even today. . . can't say I enjoy being human, but today's been kinda fun. As long as Kamek can fix me eventually, I won't be sorry it happened.”

“Really?” Luigi blinked, then narrowed his eyes as he said in a playful accusation, “It's been fun because you like teasing me, right?”

Bowser laughed then replied with a grin, “That's a big part of it, yeah. But y'know how I said I've never been anyone's friend before? Well, I'm having fun being yours.”

When Luigi stared at him, Bowser looked away and amended in a sheepish grumble, “Pretending to be, I mean.”

“N-no, we—we don't have to pretend. We can really be friends,” Luigi stammered. “I just never thought you'd. . . you know, want to.” When Bowser only made an noncommittal noise, like he didn't really believe it, Luigi added, “I'm having fun too. Even as embarrassing as you can be, I do like you for you. Uh, this you, I mean, the way you've been today.”

“Yeah,” muttered Bowser morosely. “You like this me because the way I've been today is human. And once Kamek fixes me, you'll go back to hating me.”

“That wasn't what I meant!” Luigi protested. “Stop trying to be difficult! I meant, the way you've been acting today—like a regular guy instead of a tyrant. And as long as you keep acting that way towards me, I'll still want to be your friend when you're a Koopa again. If you'll still want to be friends, I mean, after you don't need my help anymore.”

Bowser huffed, “Now who's being 'difficult'?” Still, the faint smile returned when he finally looked down at Luigi again. “Okay, so we're friends. And for what it's worth, I like you for you too—'specially when you get mad. If you haven't guessed by now, I like my princesses feisty.”

“Have I mentioned how much you embarrass me?” grumbled Luigi, turning away quickly so Bowser couldn't see how deeply he was blushing. . . or how hard he was trying not to smile.

–

to be continued

Chapter Text

If Bowser didn't eat as much as a human, Luigi was certainly glad he didn't have to feed the king as a Koopa. Luigi and Mario had one serving of spaghetti each, and Bowser consumed every bit of the rest of it. He did tell Luigi how good the meal tasted which surprised both Luigi and Mario, who stared at Bowser in surprise and then a moment later complimented his little brother's cooking as well.

The praising of Luigi's culinary skills evolved into a competition, and the two of them spent the rest of the meal trying to one-up each other as to who could come up with the best compliment. Luigi had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing at how Mario and Bowser each wanted to outdo the other in absolutely everything. At the same time, he basked in the fact that they were competing over him, not Princess Peach, for once.

Luigi had been cooking for Mario for so long, it didn't usually occur to the elder plumber to tell Luigi he'd done a good job; therefore, Luigi relished the praise he was getting. And, of course, he liked hearing Bowser say nice things to him, even if they were focused on his “Moo Moo meat noodles” and not Luigi himself.

Even better than the compliments, though, was the help cleaning up after dinner. As soon as they'd finished eating, Mario hopped up to start clearing off the table—not just his own dishes, but all the rest of them, too. Luigi couldn't remember the last time that had happened. Bowser watched with a confused expression, like it hadn't even occurred to him that he might offer to clean up. But then, Luigi realized, it probably hadn't. Having spent his entire life as first a prince then a king, the Koopa had likely always had servants clear the table and wash the dishes after every meal, even the ones he'd cooked for Peach himself.

“Thanks, Mario,” Luigi said as he picked up Bowser's plate. (It was the one dish Mario had left behind.) “Just leave 'em in the sink so I can wash everything.”

“Don't worry about it, Lu! Since you did all the cooking, I'll do the dishes,” Mario assured him.

Luigi stared at him for a second before asking, “Who are you, and what have you done with my real brother? You hate washing dishes.”

Mario opened his mouth, but whatever he had been going to say was cut off by Bowser, who suddenly jumped out of his chair and declared, “Then I'll do the dishes!” He snatched his plate out of Luigi's hand, eyed the stack of dishes Mario was holding, then ordered, “Carry those out and leave them in the sink like Luigi told you to!”

Mario glared up at him and retorted, “I don't hate it that much—”

“Yes you do,” said Luigi. Mario ignored him.

“—so I got it. I always help Luigi clean up.”

“No you don't,” said Luigi. They both ignored him.

“Then you need a break,” growled Bowser, “so I'm helping Luigi now.”

Mario snapped sarcastically, “Oh, you've been a big help so far today! You made him miss an entire day of negotiations and go all the way to the Darklands, just to subject him to seeing your ugly self naked” (Luigi blushed.) “and then have to drag you all the way back here, convince the princess to let you stay, give you a place to stay, and then make you dinner.”

“We both made dinner,” Bowser corrected him in a voice that would have sounded haughty coming from someone other than a shirtless guy wearing a towel. “Which is more than I could say for you.”

By now, their fighting over him was losing its charm and starting to wear on Luigi's nerves. Before Mario could respond, Luigi said (loudly, so he couldn't be ignored this time), “Mario, I appreciate the offer, but just carry them out and let Bowser wash them, okay? It'll make up for all the trouble he's caused me.”

Luigi only added that last bit to appease Mario, and he chuckled as he said it in an attempt to show Bowser he wasn't being too serious. It seemed to work on Mario, who sighed, “Okay, okay,” with a faint smile and carried out the dishes as requested. Bowser, on the other hand, scowled as he stalked out to the kitchen after him.

Luigi followed them and gathered up the pots and cooking utensils he'd used in preparing the spaghetti, adding them to the pile of dishes next to the sink. By then, Mario had exited the kitchen, which left Luigi alone with a particularly sullen-looking Bowser. Luigi stifled a sigh but decided to ignore the former Koopa's sulking. After spending the day trying to appease practically everyone—Bowser, Kamek, Mario, Peach, even Sparky—Luigi was getting tired of it.

Then it occurred to him that he'd basically spent his entire life trying to appease everyone else. Luigi scowled himself as he grabbed a bottle of dish soap out of a cabinet and set it down on the counter by the sink, a little harder than he'd intended to. He started across the kitchen to clean the stove, then stopped halfway and turned back when he realized Bowser was just standing in front of the sink, not actually washing anything.

“For Heaven's sake, don't you know how to wash a dish?” Luigi grumbled.

Bowser growled over his shoulder, “As a matter of fact, I don't. I have servants to do that!”

Just what I suspected, Luigi thought with a sigh he didn't bother stifling this time. He trudged back over to the sink, next to Bowser, and shoved the plug in the drain before starting to fill the sink with water.

“Then why did you volunteer to do the dishes if you don't know how?” he demanded.

“I have to 'make up for all the trouble I've caused you,' don't I?” the king retorted bitterly. Luigi cringed to hear his words quoted back at him, and found himself appeasing again after all.

“Bowser, I didn't mean that.” He turned off the water before the sink overflowed. “Look, all you do is squirt some soap in the water, and then put the dishes in it and rub them with the dishcloth. It's just like taking a bath, except you wash the dish instead of yourself.”

“Fine,” muttered Bowser. He dropped several dishes in the sink and snatched up the dishcloth, then added, “You did so mean it. And—and I volunteered because you and your damn brother are right. I've been a pain in the ass, so the least I can do is help you out.”

Before Luigi could think of anything to say in response, Bowser began scrubbing a dish and went on fiercely, “And I'm not about to let damn Mario be a bigger help than I am!”

Luigi laughed in spite of his bad mood, and it even made him feel a little better.

“That's the real reason, isn't it?” he chuckled. “Because I know that's why Mario's being so thoughtful tonight—it's all another competition between you two.”

Luigi glanced up at Bowser and was relieved to see him smile, a little.

“Yeah, well. I gotta admit that's part of it,” the former Koopa confessed. “But it's not the only reason.”

“I know,” Luigi assured him. “Here, give me the dishes after you wash them, and I'll rinse and dry. It'll be quicker.”

Bowser complied, and they stood there side by side in silence for a moment as they worked. Luigi hesitated to say more, but he wanted to—not for the sake of appeasement this time, but because he really didn't want Bowser to think Luigi saw him as nothing but trouble. Enough people saw Bowser that way as it was.

“Mario wasn't right,” Luigi finally murmured after another minute. “Like I said earlier, I had fun today, and the things he said I've done for you—I offered to do them. I wouldn't have if I didn't want to.”

Bowser kept quiet for a few seconds, and Luigi thought his words had had no effect. But then one corner of the king's mouth lifted in a smirk, and he said, “Does that mean you wanted to see me naked?”

“No!” Luigi cried, then pretended to be concentrating very hard on the dish he was drying so he didn't have to look at Bowser as he went on, “I-I didn't offer to do that. I meant the rest of it! I kept telling you that you needed to put on clothes, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah, I was just messing with you,” Bowser sighed. “And speaking of that, you can quit pretending I don't look awful as a human. It's real nice of you and all, but Mario flat out said that I'm ugly.”

Once more, Luigi hesitated but decided to be honest. “Mario, in case you haven't noticed, is a little biased. He'd say that no matter what he really thought. And anyway, there's a saying in the human world—'beauty is in the eye of the beholder.'”

“Yeah? What's that supposed to mean?”

Luigi replied patiently, “It means that attractiveness is subjective to humans. One human may think that something is ugly, and then the next might think that it's the most beautiful thing ever. It's. . . well, it's like mushrooms. I love them, but Mario hates them. And neither of us is wrong—it's just a matter of personal preference.”

Bowser paused in his scrubbing of the sauté pan to process this; then he asked, “So what you're saying is that even though Mario thinks I'm ugly, another human might not?”

“Exactly.”

Bowser finished the pan and passed it over for Luigi to rinse as he murmured, “Wonder what Peaches thinks. She didn't seem too impressed.”

“I have no idea,” mumbled Luigi as he rinsed and dried the pan. “If you're so curious, ask her tomorrow.”

“Hmph, she's like Mario—she'd never say I looked good no matter what she really thinks, 'cause it's me.”

Luigi had a feeling Bowser was right about that but did not say so. He waited for the next dish, then when no dish was forthcoming, looked over at Bowser to find that the king wasn't washing anything. He was just gazing down into the soapy water as if he found it absolutely fascinating.

“Uh, is that everything?” Luigi prompted.

Instead of answering the question, Bowser asked one himself, quietly and without looking up: “What about you? What do you think—honestly?”

Luigi swallowed hard and turned to regard the stack of clean dishes beside him with the same intensity with which Bowser was studying the water.

“I. . . I think you. . . honestly. . . .” Luigi floundered for a response, feeling himself flush all the way down his neck, before blurting out the truth: “I-I think you're really attractive. You look a lot different from any other human man I've seen before, but I, um, you. . . you look good.”

“. . . Yeah?” Bowser didn't say anything else until Luigi risked another sideways glance at him, and found the king facing him with a full-on grin. Then Bowser went on, “I'd think you were bullshitting me again, except you're as red as a damn mushroom. You mean it, don't you? You think I'm hot!”

Luigi replied as firmly as he could manage, “I answered your question. Now is that all the dishes or not?”

“Uh. . . .” Bowser felt around in the sink with one hand—still with his eyes fixed on Luigi and the grin plastered on his stupid handsome face—then produced a handful of utensils clutched in one huge fist. “Just some spoons.”

He finally turned back to the sink to wash them, then handed them to Luigi who muttered, “Pull the plug and let the water out,” as he rinsed the spoons. Bowser did so, then to Luigi's dismay, moved to stand right behind him as he reached past him for the dish towel.

“I'll dry 'em,” Bowser offered—directly in Luigi's ear, in fact, in a far sultrier voice than a handful of spoons deserved. Luigi shivered and tried to tell Bowser to back off and quit mocking him by acting all seductive. Instead, all he managed was an undignified squawk.

Bowser chuckled at the sound and proceeded to dry each spoon without backing off in the least, and then leaned in even closer, pushing his broad chest up against Luigi's back again, like he had at the stove earlier.

“So now who's gonna put all these dishes away—you or me? Or should we do it together?” he murmured, so close to Luigi's ear that the plumber could feel Bowser's warm breath tickling his skin. Then, abruptly, the king made a rather undignified squawk of his own and took two large steps back from Luigi, putting him in the center of the room. . . but not before Luigi felt something that seemed very big and very hard press against his backside.

It flustered Luigi further but not, he thought, as much as Bowser must be flustered, considering all his complaints about unwanted erections. As he hung up the dish towel—taking his time so that they didn't have to look at each other until they'd both regained some composure—Luigi thought, Serves you right for making fun of me.

Luigi finally turned around once he was pretty sure he wasn't blushing anymore, cleared his throat, and said in what he thought was a remarkably calm voice, “Mario can put them away, since he wanted to help so badly. He knows where everything goes.”

“Uh, yeah, okay,” mumbled Bowser with his eyes averted. Luigi's own eyes couldn't help drifting downward for a second, but nothing seemed amiss with Bowser's towel now. The king went on, “So uh, if we're done here, do you mind if I use your shower, or whatever you guys got? Koopas don't sweat, but humans sure do and I feel gross after a whole day of it.”

Relieved to have an excuse to get the two of them out of the kitchen, Luigi nodded quickly. “Yeah, sure. I'll show you where the bathroom is.” As he led the way with the former Koopa on his heels, Luigi tried not to think about how Bowser would soon be wet and naked in it.

–

to be continued

Chapter Text

Luigi showed Bowser to the bathroom and got out a clean set of towels for him to use—and a bath sheet to replace his “kilt” after his shower.

“I need to do the laundry anyway, so I'll wash your towel for you,” Luigi offered.

“Yeah, thanks,” Bowser muttered, glancing at himself in the bathroom mirror then looking away with a scowl. “I hope that little mushroom pipsqueak shows up first thing in the morning with those clothes he promised. This whole towel thing is getting old.”

“He'll be here,” Luigi reassured him. “Toad would do anything for the princess, so if she asks him to find you some clothes, he'll find you some. . . er, clothes.” He faltered when Bowser started unbuckling his former collar and present belt, as if he intended to undress right in front of Luigi. The plumber stammered, “I'll, uh—I'll come back for your towel,” then bolted from the room.

Luigi waited a good five minutes before he returned, to make sure that Bowser would be safely in the shower and thus concealed from Luigi's sight by the frosted shower door. Even so, he opened the door to the bathroom cautiously and peeked through the crack before going in to grab Bowser's discarded towel off the floor where the king had dropped it.  As he did so, Luigi cast a shy look at the shower door and the vague, tan shape of Bowser's body visible through it. That shape seemed to be moving erratically, and for a few seconds, Luigi wondered if the former Koopa was having as much trouble washing his human body as he'd had washing the dishes.

Then the plumber felt incredibly naive when Bowser groaned wordlessly, and Luigi realized exactly what he was doing.

That's why he wanted to take a shower—so he could jerk off! Luigi thought in embarrassment. He backed up to the bathroom door, telling himself he should get out of there not only out of respect for Bowser's privacy, but also because things would likely go very badly for him if Bowser caught him listening.

However, Luigi found himself lingering in the doorway, staring at Bowser's silhouette and trying to imagine what it would look like without the shower door in the way. Then Bowser moaned again, but it wasn't wordless this time.

“Nngh. . . princess!”

Luigi winced. He supposed having to hear Bowser jerking off to Peach was what he deserved for spying. And yet, he continued to linger, asking himself all the while why the hell he was doing something so wrong and disgusting as listening to his brother's worst enemy masturbating to Mario's girlfriend.

He didn't have very long to listen; after another minute or so, during which Bowser made various noises of pleasure, the former Koopa finished, growling, “Fuck yeah—take it, princess!” as he came—hard, judging from the way his silhouette contorted, seeming to arch his back as his hips pistoned back and forth rapidly.

Luigi blushed almost as deeply as if Bowser really had caught him, and he ducked out of the bathroom to stumble in a daze down the hall to the house's little utility closet. He was almost painfully erect, as well as confused—not only over his own behavior, but over Bowser's too.

No matter how violent he is towards everyone else, he's always treated Peach so gently! Luigi thought numbly as he dropped Bowser's towel in the washing machine along with his and Mario's laundry. But it sure sounded like he was fantasizing about giving it to her pretty hard. . . .  He's got to be frustrated though, wanting someone for so long with no hope of ever getting them. I certainly know how that is. I guess those fantasies are how he gets rid of the tension.

It made Luigi wonder if, throughout the years he'd been trying to win Peach's heart, Bowser ever slept with anyone in the meantime. He was obviously experienced considering how he'd boasted about his virility, and even if he hadn't, Bowser Jr. had to have come from somewhere. Considering how much he looked like his dad, he must be Bowser's biological son. But Junior's mother seemed to have been out of the picture for a long time, and Bowser had been pursuing Peach for quite a while before Mario and Luigi turned up.

Surely he hasn't gone five whole years without having sex, thought Luigi as he finally left the utility closet to join Mario in the living room. He's a king, he could have anyone he wanted—well, except for Peach—and he probably has all kinds of. . . concubines or something. Like female Koopas—there have to be some besides Wendy. Or Shy. . . Girls? Do they have those? But then, just because Bowser's in love with Peach doesn't mean he can't like guys too. . . .

Luigi was so lost in thought, he didn't realize he'd made it to the living room until Mario's voice shook him out of his reverie.

“Lu? Uh, you okay?”

The younger brother jumped and glanced down at Mario, who was sitting on the couch watching TV, some sort of Toad news broadcast from the looks of it.

“Oh yeah, sure!” Luigi said quickly before plopping down on the other end of the couch. “Just really tired. I've had one heck of a day.”

“No kidding,” Mario muttered. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure Bowser wasn't around then asked Luigi, “So what're you gonna do with His Majesty tonight?”

Luigi stammered, “Wh-what?”, certain he was visibly blushing.

Mario gave him a weird look. “I mean, where are you gonna put him for the night, to sleep?”

“Oh! Y-yeah, to sleep, of course,” Luigi laughed weakly. “Here on the couch, I guess.”

“No, that won't work!” replied Mario with a frown. “He could just walk right out the front door as soon as we were asleep, and go try to conquer the kingdom or kidnap Peach again!”

Luigi protested, “Mario, he's not going to do anything like that! I promise!”

Mario was quiet a moment, staring at Luigi with such an intent look, the younger plumber literally started to sweat. Then Mario asked quietly, “You really do trust him, don't you?”

“Yeah,” Luigi told him, matching his tone. “I do.”

“But why?” persisted Mario. “I don't understand! After everything Bowser's done, how can you believe in him?”

As usual, Luigi was tempted to buckle under the pressure of even a minor conflict with his brother. He did his best to hold up, though, and mumbled, “I—I don't know! He, he's not. . . I just. . . .”

When Luigi trailed off, Mario prompted gently, “You just what, Lu?”

Luigi made himself meet his brother's blue eyes, so like his own, and the patient affection he saw there gave him the courage to be honest. Mario wasn't challenging him or being argumentative; he was just trying to understand.

The younger brother took a deep breath then explained, “I just feel sorry for him. Mario, I know Bowser's done awful things before—to the princess, to the Toads and his other enemies, to his own minions, to you. . . and to me. But today, I realized he's always thought that he has to do bad stuff to get what he wants. No one likes him even if he tries to be nice, so he thinks why should he bother?”

“Oh boo hoo,” Mario said with a roll of his eyes. At the glare Luigi shot him, he sighed and muttered, “Sorry. But I still don't get why that makes you trust him.”

“It's not only that. I really believe what's happened to him was an accident.  He's been complaining all day about how weak and unattractive he feels, and how humiliating it'll be if anyone finds out,” said Luigi. “He was genuinely miserable until I reassured him a bunch of times, so there's no way he would have gotten turned into a human on purpose.”

“Okay, okay, I guess that's logical,” Mario sighed. “And I guess I can see where you would want to help him out. I certainly wouldn't, but you're the most compassionate person I know. To the point of even extending that compassion to Bowser.”

He smiled faintly and shrugged, leading Luigi to relax and smile back. He told Mario, “I won't expect you to believe it, but he's not so unlikable, one on one. At least now that he's not treating me like his enemy—and I guess now that I'm not treating him like mine. I told him that we could be friends, and well, I meant it. I think he's really unhappy. . . and really lonely.”

“Well, I'm not gonna tell you who you can and can't be friends with,” Mario said after a moment, “but if he ever hurts you, you just let me know, okay?”

“Okie dokie,” Luigi agreed, mostly to placate Mario. “And if you really think we need to keep an eye on him, he can sleep in my room. On the floor,” he added quickly just in case Mario thought he meant anything else. “You know how lightly I sleep, and Bowser's not exactly quiet. If he gets up in the night, I'll hear him.”

“You sure about that?” Mario asked doubtfully. “Maybe it'd be better to put him in my room, just in case he does try anything.”

Luigi shook his head emphatically. “No way! You two would be up all night fighting! I'll be fine, Mario. I've still got all those power-ups you gave me, if I should need them.”

“You won't!” The sudden deep growl of Bowser's voice behind them made both brothers jump and turn to see the former Koopa standing in the doorway to the living room, with the bath sheet Luigi had given him wrapped around his waist. He gave the plumbers a flat look from beneath his wild red eyebrows and grumbled, “I'm so damn tired, even if I was planning to 'try something,' I'd have to wait until morning. This pathetic human body has no stamina!”

Luigi glanced at Mario and said wryly, “Like I said, I'll be fine. Do you mind putting away the dishes from dinner, either tonight or in the morning? I've still got to get a shower before bed.”

“Yeah, sure,” Mario promised. “You get to bed. You had a real long day, and you'll probably have one tomorrow too. Don't forget Peach wants you to meet with King Bob-omb!”

Bowser snickered, “Oh, I bet she does,” causing Luigi both to wince and flush before he glowered at Bowser and hissed, “Shut up!”

Mario glanced from his brother to the king and back again, then asked, “Uh. . . did I miss something?”

“No,” Luigi said emphatically as he got to his feet. “Nothing at all. G'night, Mario.”

“Night, Lu.” Mario still looked a bit confused, but Luigi wasn't about to elucidate. He hurried around the couch to grab the still-smirking Bowser's arm and pull him down the hall to Luigi's bedroom, across the hall from Mario's.

“I don't know how much you overheard, but you can sleep in here tonight,” Luigi explained as he rummaged in his closet for an extra blanket.

Bowser muttered, “I heard enough. Mario thinks you need to 'keep an eye on me.'” He took the dark green blanket Luigi passed to him even as he complained, “Here I am, King of the Koopas—sleeping on the damn floor!”

Luigi honestly felt bad about that—Bowser was his guest, after all—and offered, “Look, uh, you can sleep in the bed if you want.”

Bowser raised one of those red eyebrows. Luigi blushed all over again.

“I mean, while I sleep on the floor!”

The former Koopa chuckled and shook his head. “Nah, I'm not gonna kick you out of your own bed. My feet would probably be hanging off the end anyway.” He dropped the blanket on the (green) rug in the middle of the room and observed, “Guess I'll get to find out what sleeping on my back is like. Couldn't exactly do that before with the shell and all.”

“Doesn't it come off?” Luigi asked, regretting it when Bowser gave him a weird look. He stammered, “I-I mean. . . regular Koopas come out of their shells when Mario and I jump on them.”

“Yeah, when you jump on them,” Bowser retorted. “Not by choice! And if you think I'm gonna let you jump on me once I'm back to normal, so you can see what I look like without my shell—forget it! Yes, they 'come off,' but we don't take them off if we can avoid it.”

“Believe me, I have no interest in seeing you without your shell,” mumbled Luigi, at the same time trying to imagine it and utterly failing. “I'm going to shower real quick, so just stay here! The last thing I need is for you and Mario to get in a fight.”

Bowser waved him off with a muttered, “Yeah, whatever,” and after grabbing some clean clothes, Luigi hurried off to the bathroom. He showered as quickly as he could and returned about fifteen minutes later after transferring his and Mario's laundry, and Bowser's towel, to the dryer.

He found Bowser standing in front of his dresser, looking at something, although the king glanced up when Luigi came back in the room. His crimson eyes drifted down Luigi's body and back up again with yet another smirk, and Luigi glanced down at his attire himself: what he usually slept in, a white tank top and green shorts. This particular pair of shorts had been a gag gift from Toad on Mario and Luigi's last birthday: they were printed with an all-over pattern of green 1-up mushrooms. He'd given Mario a matching pair with red mushrooms. As far as Luigi knew, Mario never wore his—understandable considering how silly they were and how much he hated mushrooms—but Luigi secretly liked his own. They were green, after all, and he thought that, like the Bob-ombs, the mushrooms with eyes were kind of cute.

Now, though, Luigi wondered if he should have put on something Bowser would find less amusing.

“What?” he asked defensively.

Bowser shrugged his broad shoulders. “Nothin'. Except I've never seen your legs bare before. They look about a mile long in those goofy shorts you got on.”

“No one said you had to look at them!” snapped Luigi in embarrassment. “And I told you, I had to do laundry tonight. I don't have anything else clean!”

“And I never said I was complaining! . . . Well, maybe about the shorts, but not about your legs. Just making an observation.” Bowser taunted him with a full-on grin, “Hey, remember what I said about letting you wear those heels when you marry ol' King Bob? Why don't you go ahead and try 'em on, so I can see if your legs look as good in 'em as I think they will?”

Luigi muttered, “If anyone ends up in those shoes, it is going to be you. If you don't watch it, I'm gonna put them on you while you're asleep, take a picture, and send it to Peach!”

“You're no fun,” Bowser snickered, then sobered as he gestured towards what he'd been looking at on the dresser. “This your family?”

Realizing that Bowser had been studying the framed photo he kept there, Luigi nodded and came up next to him.

“Yeah.” He pointed out the members of his family in the portrait, posed with himself and Mario. “That's our mom and dad, and Grandpa—my mom's dad. And Uncle Tony and Uncle Arthur, and Aunt Celeste and my cousin Tina. We had this taken about a year and a half ago, right before me and Mario left home to come live here.”

Luigi sighed softly, the picture blurring slightly as his eyes misted over. He hadn't been home to visit in almost two months, and seeing his family's faces made him miss them even more than before.

As if echoing Luigi's thoughts, Bowser asked, “You really miss 'em, don't you?”

Luigi blinked rapidly, startled when he turned to see the king looking down at his face. Even more startling was the fact that Bowser wasn't smirking this time and hadn't spoken mockingly. In fact, he even looked. . . sympathetic.

“Uh, y-yeah,” Luigi admitted. “Our uncles like to give us a hard time, and Tina can be a real brat, and I think Dad still thinks of me as being about ten years old. . . but I know they all love me, and yeah, I miss them. Especially. . . especially my mom. She's the only person besides Mario who's always supported me and been there for me, and I miss her a lot.”

Bowser nodded. “I get it. I miss my mom too.”

Luigi blinked and asked, “You have a mother?” He'd heard of Bowser's father, the previous Koopa king, even before Bowser himself had mentioned him that day, but no one had ever spoken of Bowser's mother.

“Had,” clarified Bowser. “I don't remember a whole lot about her, but I remember some things. Enough to know how you feel about your mom. You're lucky you still have her, even if you don't get to see her much.”

Luigi wondered if he should say he was sorry or something, but ultimately, he just nodded too and said, “I know.”

Bowser smiled down at him, the way he had in the kitchen earlier—a real smile that made Luigi feel like he was melting inside. He fretted, Why does he have to be so handsome like this?! and fumbled once more for something to say.

He finally came up with, “I, uh, I really oughta go visit soon. I go back to Brooklyn every few weeks to pick up the, er, 'human food' groceries I can't get here, and I usually go home for dinner or something while I'm there. Once the Bob-omb treaty is worked out, maybe I can go.”

“Yeah, you should.” Bowser looked down at his own body and added, “And now you got me thinking that after I'm back to normal, I oughta go see my brother. It's been a long time.”

“You have—” Luigi broke off, a little worried that the answer to that question might be “had” too.

But Bowser finished for him, “A little brother, yeah. Name's Bruce.  He used to lead part of the Koopa Troop, but soon after Dad died and I became the king, Bruce left the Darklands and went to live in the royal residence at one of the Koopa outposts. Said he didn't want to spend the rest of his life in my shadow, or something like that.”

“I can understand that,” mumbled Luigi.

“Heh, guess you can,” Bowser agreed. “No bad blood between us or anything like that.  We just each do our own thing.”

Thinking of how strong the Koopa genes must be considering Bowser Jr.'s resemblance to his father, Luigi asked, “Does he look like you?”

Bowser laughed and replied, “Just like me, except his skin and shell are blue, where mine're green. In fact, most everyone in the Darklands just called him 'Blue Bowser,' so maybe that had something to do with him wanting to get away.”

Luigi chuckled too. “I'd like to meet him sometime. It sounds like we have a lot in common—I've been called 'Green Mario' more than once.” Bowser grinned.

“Maybe I'll take you with me, then. Tell you what, once this Bob-omb thing's settled, you go visit your family, then we'll finally take that trip to Sunshine Isles. And then after Kamek gets his shit together and fixes me, you can come with me to visit Bruce for a while. You deserve a vacation, so Mario and Peaches will just have to get along without you.”

Luigi couldn't help smiling, even though he knew Bowser wasn't being serious about going off on some extended vacation together. The plumber even teased, “Now wait just a minute! If you're so sure that Princess Peach plans to marry me off to King Bob-omb, I can't run off with you. I'll be going away on my royal honeymoon with my new husband right about then!”

“Like hell you will!” Bowser declared, grinning even more widely. “I'll kidnap you instead, and blow King Bob-fucking-omb up again if he tries to stop me! And don't think I can't do it. I have a lot of experience from kidnapping Peaches all those times.”

“Right,” said Luigi sardonically. “And that's why I know you'd never really do it. If you start kidnapping me instead, everyone will think you're in love with me instead of her.”

Bowser shrugged. “Yeah, and. . . ?” When Luigi just stared at him, the former Koopa added, “I've never given a damn what people thought of me before. If they wanna think you and me are a thing, let 'em! Doesn't bother me.”

Luigi was so flummoxed, he blurted out the first thing that popped into his head: “Well that's good, since Sparky already thinks—um.” He snapped his mouth shut, but it was too late.

Bowser narrowed his eyes slightly and asked, “Just who the hell is 'Sparky'?”

Flushing, Luigi turned away and busied himself choosing which of the three pillows on his bed he should let Bowser use as he mumbled, “He's the Bob-omb who wanted to talk to me, back at the castle.”

“I see. And what were you going to say about this Sparky?” Luigi didn't respond, and a second later yelped in surprise when Bowser's huge hand closed over his shoulder and turned him around so that they faced each other. Bowser demanded, “Sparky already thinks what?”

Luigi observed dismally that while Bowser was fine with “people thinking what they wanted” in the abstract, when it came to what someone actually thought about the two of them, he wasn't being so easy-going.

The plumber sighed and admitted, “He already thinks that 'Dennis' is my boyfriend. The reason he wanted to talk to me was to chew me out for skipping the negotiations to, erm. . . 'canoodle' with you. Uh, Dennis-you, I mean, not King Koopa-you.”

Bowser's tense expression faded into confusion. “What's 'can-noodle' mean? Is it more of that weird human 'pasta' stuff?”

Luigi snorted with laughter, dissolving most of his own tension as well, then corrected, “No! Not 'canned noodles.' Canoodle. It means, like. . . spending time together romantically. Cuddling and kissing and stuff.”

“Oh.” To Luigi's relief, Bowser snickered too. “So that little walking powder-keg thought you blew him off to go make out with me instead? That's pretty damn hilarious.” Then he sobered somewhat and asked, “Dennis-me, right? I thought you were gonna say he already thought real me and you were a thing.”

“Oh no, not at all!” Luigi reassured him. “He doesn't suspect you're anything but a real human man. Just. . . a real human man who happens to be my boyfriend.”

Bowser relaxed completely and chided, “Well why didn't you say so to begin with? That's great!”

“It. . . it is?” asked Luigi.

“Sure!” Bowser enthused. “Like I said before, it seems kinda far-fetched that you'd run into some random dude you went to school with, and then he'd follow you all the way back here just to hang out. But your boyfriend? That makes sense! And if Sparkster—”

“Sparky.”

“Whatever, if he thinks we're a couple without us even saying anything, then everyone's gonna buy it if we act like one, as long as Mario and Peach keep their mouths shut,” Bowser finished.

Finding it hard to believe Bowser was that enthusiastic about the idea, Luigi was still embarrassed at the thought of almost everyone in the Mushroom Kingdom believing Bowser was his boyfriend, even if they didn't know he was Bowser.

Doubtfully, he murmured, “I-I don't know about this. . . .”

Bowser scowled and retorted, “And why not? 'Cause the idea of being with me is so horrible you can't even fake it for a little while? Even Peach managed to pretend she was gonna marry me!”

Now feeling guilty for his reaction, Luigi protested, “No, it's not that! I just—I've never had a boyfriend before, even a pretend one.”

“Well neither have I!” snapped Bowser. “But what's that got to do with anything? How's having a boyfriend any different from having a girlfriend?”

Luigi dropped his chin and muttered, “I wouldn't know because I've never had a girlfriend either. I've never had an anything—I told you that before.”

“Yeah, but. . . I didn't know you meant, like, ever.” When Luigi still didn't look up, Bowser sighed and crooked a finger under his chin to tilt it up. . . the same thing he'd done the day they met, except that time it had been with a claw, and Luigi had been afraid for his life. His heart was racing now too, but not because he was worried Bowser would kill him.

“Look, I'm sorry,” the king said. “I didn't mean to embarrass you—this time, anyway. If you wanna tell what's-his-fuse we're just friends, that's fine.” He dropped his hand, but as he did so, he brushed his fingers over Luigi's cheek, the way he'd stroked it earlier that day. Luigi had to resist the urge to grab Bowser's hand and put it right back where it had been.

“N-no, it's okay, we can let everyone think you're m-my—my boyfriend,” mumbled Luigi. “Even though I've never had one before, I think I know how to act. My mom really likes romance movies, so I've seen lots of examples of, uh. . . canoodling.”

Bowser chuckled again, “Heh, okay. Then you can show me how to do human couples stuff, like you're showing me how to do everything else.”

Luigi smiled and said wryly, “Okay, but I doubt human couples act all that different from Koopa couples.”

“Nah, but I mean like how to do it in a human body.” Bowser held up his hand and examined it as he went on, “Like my hand and fingers are so much smaller now.  Holding hands is gonna be awkward until I get used to it feeling different.”

Somehow, Luigi hadn't equated “acting like a couple” with doing anything physical like holding hands. He swallowed hard and felt his face warm for about the thousandth time that day when he imagined walking around the Mushroom Kingdom holding hands with the king of the Koopas.

That king was still talking, and what he said next was even worse. Bowser rambled on, “And my mouth is totally different now too, so kissing is gonna feel real weird.”

Luigi felt as if he turned both white and red all at the same time.

“K-k—kissing. . . ?” he repeated in what was nearly a squeak.

Bowser raised his eyebrow again. “Uh, yeah? Human couples kiss, don't they? You said that was part of can-noodling.”

“Y-yeah, but—but they don't go around doing it in front of other people all the time,” Luigi said weakly.

“Hmph, I didn't say anything about all the time,” said Bowser, folding his arms across his chest. “But people are gonna start catching on if you won't even kiss your boyfriend occasionally. We should at least practice in case someone wants proof we're together, because I'm not gonna be good at it the first time. I mean, I was all set to kiss Peaches at our wedding, like I'd figured out the logistics of being a Koopa kissing a human. But of course I never thought about how to kiss her as a human myself.”

Suddenly, Bowser's insistence on learning how to “do human couples stuff” made perfect sense.

Luigi grumbled, “Of course not, but you're thinking about it now, aren't you? Well, you can just forget about it! I'm not going to let you practice on me so you'll know how to kiss Peach. And anyway, it would be a waste of time.  She already told you she's still not going to marry you!”

“Hunh?” Bowser asked blankly, then glared himself as it sunk in. “Who said anything about me kissing Peach?”

“You did, you big idiot!” Luigi shot back. “Just now!”

“Oh,” muttered Bowser. “I was talking about kissing her two years ago, not kissing her now! Peach doesn't have anything to do with this. But what the hell ever, forget it. We can just be a weird couple who won't kiss each other since you hate the idea so damn much.”

He turned away from Luigi and stalked to the middle of the room, where he'd dropped the blanket, growling, “I meant what I said about being tired, so if you don't mind, I'm going to sleep.”

Luigi had thought about telling Bowser that he really didn't hate the idea as long as he didn't have to be a stand-in for Peach, but the former Koopa's attitude made him change his mind.

“Fine with me!” he declared instead. Luigi got into bed as Bowser lowered his huge body to the floor, and in spite of his irritation, Luigi again felt bad he had to sleep there. It reminded him that he never did give Bowser a pillow, so he grabbed one and threw it in the king's direction with a terse, “Here!”

Bowser looked up just in time for the pillow to hit him smack in the face. Luigi struggled not to laugh at his affronted expression, but Bowser apparently caught on judging from how his mouth twitched in a suppressed smile.

“I suppose I should thank you for that,” he said, so dryly that Luigi had to lean over and turn off the lamp on his nightstand quickly so Bowser wouldn't see his own smile.

Luigi lay down in the darkness and listened to the sounds of Bowser shifting around with the blanket and pillow, apparently trying to get comfortable. He finally lay still after a moment, but Luigi heard him sigh deeply. He didn't sound very happy.

Feeling even worse for him, Luigi said softly, “Good night, Bowser.”

There was another moment of silence before he heard the king's deep voice rumble in reply.

“Yeah. Night, princess.”

–

to be continued

Chapter Text

Burn out the day
Burn out the night
I can't see no reason to put up a fight
I'm living for giving the devil his due
And I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you

–

Luigi woke up early the next morning—closer to 6 am than 7:30, when he usually got up to start the coffee maker. The sun had just come up and was casting a faint light into the room past Luigi's green curtains. He'd slept soundly with no dreams that he could remember, and for a moment, he couldn't figure out why he'd awakened with a jittery, sort of nervous feeling.

He sat up in bed, yawned. . . and then noticed the large man sprawled on his bedroom floor, still fast asleep. It all came rushing back, and Luigi knew exactly why he felt jittery.

What have I gotten myself into? he wondered dismally as he gazed down at the human Koopa king, who was lying on his back with the blanket tangled around his legs and his bare chest exposed. Snoring, no less. He looked so silly, Luigi couldn't help smiling in spite of his nerves, but at the same time, he thought, Not only do I have to pretend he isn't Bowser, I have to pretend he is my boyfriend—like I need that to worry about on top of meeting with King Bob-omb and trying to convince him to agree to a peace treaty! What am I going to do with Bowser this afternoon, anyway?! If I bring him with him, he'll probably do something to disrupt the meeting, or at the very least sit there and smirk at me so that I won't even be able to look the king in the eye!

But I can't leave Bowser on his own either. . . who knows what kind of trouble he'd get into! If I left him with Mario, they'd end up killing each other, and Princess Peach will be in the meeting with me. Maybe Toad could keep an eye on him? Except Bowser can't stand him, and he's liable to get irritated and blurt out something that'll give him away.

Luigi didn't come up with an answer, but thinking of Toad reminded him that the little mushroom would be coming over before long with Bowser's new clothes. Something gave him the feeling that Bowser was not a morning Koopa, and that he'd better go on and wake the king up now so he wouldn't be too grumpy by the time Toad arrived.

I hope he doesn't bite my head off for waking him up, Luigi fretted as he got out of bed and knelt down on the floor next to Bowser. He swallowed nervously, then laid his hand on the larger man's shoulder and gave it a shake.

“Bowser. . . wake up!” Luigi urged.

Bowser made a snorting noise and muttered, “Go 'way. Too early.”

“Ugh, wake up!” groaned Luigi, shaking him harder.

Then Bowser growled, “Dammit, Kamek, I told you not to wake me up before—” His fiery red eyes flew open, then widened when he saw who was leaning over him. “. . . Oh. Uh. . . you're not Kamek.”

“Certainly not,” Luigi agreed wryly. “And I'm sorry to wake you up so early, but Toad will be here with your clothes soon.”

“Eh, it's okay,” yawned Bowser, scrubbing a hand through his long, tousled hair. “I guess I oughta get up. And your face is a hell of a lot nicer to see first thing in the morning than Kamek's is.”

Luigi gulped again and drew his hand back as Bowser sat up. “Uh. . . thanks? H-heh. . . .”

“Yeah, not much of a compliment, hunh?” Bowser scratched his chest, drawing Luigi's eyes down to it before he managed to drag them back up to the king's face. Oblivious, Bowser went on, “So we'd better get our story straight again, before that fungus shows up. Am I s'posed to act like your boyfriend, or not?”

Luigi took a deep breath, licked his lips nervously, then nodded as he said, “Yeah. You were right last night, it really does make more sense than if you were just a friend who came to visit.” He thought about something else Bowser had said and added, “And, uh, Bowser, I don't hate the idea of pretending to be with you or, um. . . practicing—you know, k-kissing or anything. It just makes me nervous because I've never been in a relationship before. But we can do it.”

Bowser was quiet a few seconds, studying Luigi's face as if judging his sincerity. Then he said, “We don't have to. I don't want to make you do something you don't wanna do.”

“You're not. Like I said about this whole thing—I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to help you,” Luigi assured him. Then he said with a little smile, “You really have changed since I first came here. You tried to make Princess Peach marry you when she didn't want to, but now you won't even make me pretend to date you.”

“Well like you keep reminding me, trying to make her marry me didn't exactly work,” retorted Bowser sardonically. “But yeah, maybe I have changed. I dunno. You've. . . kinda made me want to do better, like when you said that stuff about wanting to help me since I started treated you nicer. And, uh. . . Luigi. . . .”

When the former Koopa averted his eyes and didn't go on, Luigi prompted gently, “Yeah?”

Bowser sighed, without looking at him. “I really am sorry for what I did to you, and how I used to treat you. I guess I did think of you as just 'Green Mario' at first, but I don't anymore. I haven't in a long time.”

“Really?” Luigi murmured. “I wasn't so sure you even remembered that I exist, until you sent for me.”

“Heh, I remembered.” Bowser finally lifted his eyes back to Luigi's. “I've known for a while that you're more than just Mario's brother, but I couldn't figure you out. Hell, I still can't figure you out. But you make me want to—well, what I said. Do better. I know I'll never be good, the kind of guy you'd actually wanna be with. But I think I can be good enough to pretend to be that guy for a little while. If you'll help me.”

Luigi had no idea what to say in response. He wasn't even sure what Bowser had said, exactly. . . just that Luigi had made some kind of impression on him even before the previous day. A good impression, not what Luigi would have expected, which was Bowser thinking he was a pathetic coward who would be forever dependent on his brother.

Finally, Luigi managed to murmur, “Thank you for apologizing—and you are doing better, Bowser. I don't know that that much of it has to do with me, but I'll help you any way I can.”

“Yeah? Well thanks,” Bowser said with that smile that drove Luigi a little crazy every time he saw it.

I do want to be with you. Not the “kind of guy” you're trying to be, but you, just the way you are, he thought, despite the absurdity and impossibility of it. Bowser was talking about pretending, only for the sake of keeping his true identity a secret.

He'd never want to be together for real, thought Luigi. Maybe I really am a good influence on him, but he loves Peach. . . the brave, beautiful, perfect real princess. He could never love someone like me.

It made Luigi wonder if the “pretending” and “practicing” was a bad idea for another reason. It already hurt a little to know that yet again, he'd developed feelings for someone who would never return them. Acting like a couple, being close to Bowser, especially kissing him—it would only make those feelings get stronger. And then, when it was all over, when Bowser was back to normal and the deception could end, when he went home to the Darklands and resumed his pursuit of Peach and didn't need Luigi anymore. . . it would probably hurt a lot.

What if I fall in love with him? Luigi wondered as he stared into Bowser's eyes, which were growing sort of confused at Luigi's continued silence. I've had crushes and all, but I don't think I've ever actually been in love with anyone before. What if that's what's happening here, already? What if I'm falling in love with someone who'll only reject me?

Bowser interrupted that dismal train of thought by asking, “Uh. . . you okay?”

. . . Then I guess I'll know how he feels about Peach. If he can take it, then so can I! Luigi vowed. I can't back out now, not without hurting him and ruining the friendship we do have. And at least I can enjoy being with him for a little while, even if it isn't real.

So he smiled and said, “Yeah, I'm fine. Just one thing. . . if you're going to act like my boyfriend in front of Toad, just don't, uh, overdo it, okay?”

“What's that supposed to mean?” Bowser demanded, and Luigi chuckled.

“You can be kind of dramatic when it comes to being in love. If you behave too much like Koopa-you and go around declaring your love for me every couple of minutes, people might start to suspect something. Just tone it down a little, all right?”

Bowser sighed—dramatically—and agreed, “Okay, fine. I can't help being a passionate guy! But I won't embarrass you, I promise.”

Luigi responded dryly, “Oh, I know you're going to embarrass me in other ways—deliberately. But I'll trust you to keep the public proposals to a minimum.”

“Heh, I guess I can manage that.” Bowser grinned and teased, “I'm still gonna write you a love song, though, and there's nothing you can do about it.”

Luigi flushed a little, kind of wishing Bowser wasn't joking, and responded, “All right, but you can only sing it to me when we're alone.”

Bowser shrugged, still grinning. “Fair enough. It'll take me a little while anyway—I've gotta come up with something to rhyme with 'Luigi.'”

He looked down at Luigi's hands, which were resting on the plumber's folded legs, and muttered, “Uh, maybe we better practice the whole 'couple' thing a little before mushroom boy gets here, or else we're gonna be all weird and awkward.” Bowser put out his own much larger hand and covered one of Luigi's with it, curling his long fingers under the plumber's shorter, paler ones. “Is this how humans hold hands?”

“Uh, y-yeah, just—just like that,” gulped Luigi as he folded his own fingers around Bowser's hand. Even something so simple as holding the other man's hand made his heart race.

“Okay, good. Not much different from how Koopas do it, then,” said Bowser. “Except my hand's always been way bigger than anyone else's, so this feels a little weird.”

“Your hand is still way bigger than mine,” Luigi pointed out.

Bowser snickered and held both their hands up, turning his over to look at Luigi's resting in it. “Well, before, my hand was bigger than your whole face, so this is an improvement, right?” He rubbed his thumb back and forth over the back of Luigi's hand and went on in a more subdued voice, “But yeah, they still look real different. Not just the size but the color too, and yours are so soft.”

“Th-they aren't that soft,” stammered Luigi. “I mean, I'm a plumber, I work with my hands. I've got callouses. . . .”

“They're still softer than mine,” Bowser observed. “And anyway, don't worry about the callouses. They'll go away once you're my captive princess, after I kidnap you. You'll never have to lift another finger.”

Luigi's heart raced even faster, but he managed to reply steadily enough, “But I like plumbing. I'd get bored if I didn't have anything to do.”

Bowser snorted, “Damn, you're particular. Well, if pipes are that important to you, you can work on my castle's plumbing to your little green heart's content. It's always fucked up. Like one time, some of the Goombas got trashed and thought it'd be real funny to flush a Bob-omb down the drain. Little fucker blew up down there and busted the water main. Took us a damn week to get it fixed and dry everything out.”

“Mario and I could've fixed it in a day!” Luigi boasted then asked with some trepidation, “Uh, what did you do the Goombas?”

“Fried 'em,” said Bowser. “They were delicious.”

He managed to keep a straight face through about three seconds of Luigi staring at him in horror, before he burst out laughing.

“I'm just messing with you! I put 'em on the repair crew and made them help fix it, without pay. And then docked their pay for a while after that too, to cover the Bob-omb's therapy sessions. He kept respawning down there in the sewage system every time he blew up, so by the time they got him out, he was pretty traumatized.”

“I can imagine,” mumbled Luigi. What he couldn't imagine was that Bowser would care anything about his troops' mental health—especially not that of the Bob-ombs, whom Bowser manufactured in factories. Luigi would have assumed that if one was too traumatized to be useful, Bowser would just get rid of him and make a new one.

Maybe they're more expensive to make than I realized, Luigi considered. Or maybe he's still messing with me, and he just tossed the poor Bob-omb in the lava and replaced him. He knew that Bowser was capable of it, or at least, he had been.  He'd tried to toss a whole lot of people in the lava, Luigi included.

Frowning at Luigi's pensive expression, Bowser added, “He got over it, if that's what you're worried about. Since you have such a thing for Bob-ombs and all.”

Ignoring that last aside, Luigi looked up at him and asked quietly, “Really? You really took care of him instead of destroying him and getting a new one?”

Bowser said just as quietly, “Yeah. It's not like what happened was his fault. I really would'd've eaten the Goombas before I punished him.”

Luigi smiled, more in relief than at the joke. Bowser smiled too and sort of squeezed his hand, which he was still holding. He shook his head a little and observed, “Don't think there's much me and Mario will ever agree on, but he's right about one thing. You're the most compassionate person I know, too.”

“Wait, you—you heard that?” Luigi asked in surprise. “How long were you listening to us last night? How much did you hear?”

Bowser looked somewhat abashed and replied, “Uh well. . . that's about the time I walked up. I heard you say I'm 'not so unlikable'—probably the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me, heh. And I heard you say you meant it when you told me we were friends, because you think I'm unhappy. And lonely.”

“Oh. Uh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been talking about you—” Luigi began, then broke off flustered when Bowser shut him up by putting a finger of his free hand against Luigi's lips.

“Don't apologize. You were right, and I'm glad I heard what I did, 'cause up 'til then, I thought you were just being nice. Not that you actually cared.” He drew his finger downward, over Luigi's lower lip, before dropping his hand and chuckling, “Damn, and I thought your hands were soft. Maybe we better stick to being a weird non-kissing couple after all. I might damage those delicate lips of yours if I tried to kiss 'em.”

Even more flustered, Luigi snapped, “They aren't delicate. Yours are probably even softer—they're brand new!”

“Hmm.” Bowser ran a finger over his own lips thoughtfully. “I dunno. See what you think.” He upped Luigi's level of fluster higher yet when he brought the plumber's hand in his up to his mouth and pressed his lips to Luigi's fingertips.

“Well?” Bowser prompted, smirking against Luigi's fingers. “Do they feel soft to you?”

“Erk,” was all Luigi could manage to say in response at first, but then he stammered against all his better judgment, “K-kinda, yeah. I, uh, I don't think we'd cause each other any damage if we, um. . . kissed, but—but if we're gonna have to do it in front of anyone, we really should practice first, like you said. Just in case something goes wrong.”

Part of Luigi was amazed at himself for being so bold, but the other part of him—the part that wasn't his better judgment—was enthralled by the feeling of Bowser's lips beneath his fingers and desperately wanted to know how they'd feel against his mouth instead.

“Glad you finally agree with me about something,” replied Bowser. He lowered Luigi's hand (without letting it go) and asked, “Okay, so how do humans do this?”

“Erm, probably not too different from how Koopas do,” said Luigi, although he honestly had no idea if that was true or not. He'd never seen Koopas kiss before (and hadn't ever wanted to, for that matter), and it wasn't like he had all that much first-hand knowledge of how humans kissed, either. “Why don't you, um. . . show me what you normally do, and I'll tell you what you need to change?”

Bowser shrugged and said, “That'll work. Uh. . . .” He let go of Luigi's hand to grasp him by the shoulders instead, then leaned down sort of awkwardly before pausing. Luigi was suddenly acutely aware again of how much larger Bowser was than him, even as a human, and it somehow frightened and thrilled him at the same time.

The king looked kind of nervous himself. His eyes moved over Luigi's face, from his own eyes back down to his lips. Then he took a deep breath, muttered, “Well, here goes nothing,” and bent his head to kiss Luigi on the mouth.

Firmly.

Hard, in fact.

“Mmph!” exclaimed Luigi in surprise. Bowser kept his mouth closed, but he held it against Luigi's for a good three seconds before pulling back no more than an inch and breathing, “How's that for starters? What'm I doing wrong?”

“N-nothing,” Luigi practically whimpered.

He could actually feel Bowser's lips brushing his as the king asked, “Should I keep going then?”

“Mmhmm,” said Luigi.

So Bowser kissed him again, but this time, Luigi could feel that his lips were slightly parted. And then, after another couple seconds of Bowser crushing their mouths together, he felt the tip of the king's tongue brushing his own lips. Luigi didn't think that getting their tongues involved was strictly necessary, considering that he had no intention of French-kissing Bowser in front of anyone no matter how convincing their fake relationship needed to be.

Yet necessary or not, Bowser was now pushing his tongue between Luigi's lips—gently but still quite firmly—and it only felt natural for Luigi to part them. It felt a little less natural once Bowser's tongue was actually in his mouth, but Luigi liked having it there nevertheless. He liked it a lot.

Bowser pulled him closer by the shoulders and probed Luigi's mouth deeper with his tongue. Even though it was his first time kissing as a human, he seemed to know what to do a lot better than Luigi did. The plumber kept still for a few seconds but then moved his own tongue kind of clumsily to kiss the former Koopa back.

Bowser inhaled sharply through his nose when he felt Luigi's tongue rubbing against his; then he made a sort of low growling noise in his throat and let go of Luigi's shoulders to tighten his arms around them instead, practically squashing the smaller man against his muscular chest.

Luigi moaned. He couldn't help it, nor could he help the way his arms moved all on their own to encircle Bowser's neck and hold on for dear life as they kissed. He thought maybe he was getting better at it, but Bowser didn't seem to care either way. He kissed Luigi even harder and faster, practically devouring his mouth until Luigi's jaw and even his tongue began to ache a little. Luigi didn't mind that, nor that he was scarcely getting enough oxygen through his nose; he would have gladly suffocated as long as it meant Bowser wouldn't stop kissing him.

But the king finally broke the kiss, this time drawing back several inches as they both panted for breath. Luigi felt like his face must be wet down to his chin with spit—whether his, Bowser's, or both, he didn't know—and he wiped the back of his hand over it while staring up into the larger man's crimson eyes dazedly.

“Mamma mia. . . ,” he breathed.

Bowser looked a little dazed himself as he laughed in a deep rumble then asked, “Does that mean I did it right? Like a human's s'posed to?”

“Uh, y-yeah, I. . . I think so.”

“It's not much different at all!” the former Koopa declared. “Felt a little weird at first, but then it just felt good.” His eyes drifted down to Luigi's lips as he added with a smirk, “Damn good, in fact, and I guess I didn't damage 'em after all. They're a little red, but it's a good look for you, princess.”

Luigi grumbled, “Shut up. Yours are red too!”

“Heh, I'm not surprised, the way you were going at 'em. Felt good to you too, didn't it?” taunted Bowser. “We oughta practice some more since you liked it so much!”

“I-I never said that I liked it. I'm just helping you—” Luigi tried to argue, but Bowser cut him off with another laugh.

“Sure ya are. And don't be ashamed, I liked it too. My dick's all hard again—”

“Y-you don't have to announce it every time that happens, you know—”

“—but this time, it was supposed to happen, right? I mean, it's normal for a human guy to get a boner when he kisses somebody?”

Luigi looked away and huffed, “It's not necessarily normal, but—but yeah, it happens. Sometimes. Not to everyone.”

“Just sometimes, hunh? Not to everyone.”

“R-right.” Luigi risked looking up at Bowser again and promptly wished he hadn't. The king was regarding him with a positively wicked look.

“And I guess you're gonna tell me it doesn't happen to you. That making out with me didn't get you hard, even after what you said yesterday about how attractive you think I am like this.”

Although he was certain he was blushing all the way down to his shoulders, Luigi said, “It didn't! I'm—I'm not. . . oh.”

He trailed off when Bowser used one hand to tilt his chin up again while keeping the other arm tightly around his shoulders.

“One thing I noticed about you the day we met, Luigi,” the king purred, “is that you're a terrible liar. No matter what else has changed since then, that hasn't. But I'll give you a chance to prove me wrong. If you really don't get off on kissing me, you won't let me do. . . this.”

He leaned down and captured Luigi's mouth again, and damned if Luigi didn't let him do it. Damned as well if Luigi didn't open his mouth and then, once Bowser's tongue was in it, wrestle that tongue with his own. Bowser made the little growling noise again, which made Luigi get even harder than he'd lied about being before.

Then, to Luigi's deep regret, a loud pounding on his bedroom door made them both jump, and Luigi pulled away from Bowser with a gasp. A second later, Mario yelled through the door, “Lu! Are you awake?”

Luigi gulped and called back, “I am now! What is it?” while praying that Mario wouldn't come in. Even though he and Bowser weren't kissing anymore, it would be pretty obvious to anyone that they'd been doing something.

“Toad's here! Didn't you hear him banging on the front door?”

“Uh, n-no, I was still asleep!” Luigi scrambled to his feet, looked down at himself, and quickly tugged the hem of his tank top down over the front of his shorts. “I'll get Bowser up, and we'll be out in a minute!”

“Okie dokie! I'll tell Toad. . . .” Mario's voice receded as he went back down the hall, and Luigi breathed a sigh of relief, then went to his closet to get some clean overalls. He heard Bowser snicker behind him as the king stood as well.

Luigi muttered, “What's so funny?” as he turned around, overalls in hand. The former Koopa was buckling his collar back around his waist to secure the bath sheet he hopefully wouldn't be wearing much longer.

“You already got Bowser up!” he laughed. Luigi rolled his eyes and stepped into the overalls, then pulled on a green shirt over his tank top before fastening the straps.

“Maybe dirty dad jokes are funny to Koopas, but not to humans.” Luigi looked Bowser over to make sure he wasn't still visibly. . . up, then tried to relax, telling himself there was no way Mario would suspect what they'd been doing.

Bowser just grinned. “Yeah, well. You might not like my jokes, but now I know one thing you do like. We'll have to practice more later, hunh?”

“Uh, we. . . maybe we've practiced enough,” Luigi murmured. “I think you've got the hang of kissing.”

The king's grin faded, and he inspected Luigi's anxious face before saying more quietly, “Maybe. But you mean you didn't like it?”

“I-I don't mean that. I. . . I liked kissing you,” Luigi admitted in a rush. “I just—don't know if we should do it anymore. Alone like that, I mean, when we aren't doing it just to fool somebody.”

“Why not, if we both like doing it?” Bowser sounded truly curious.

Because we like doing it for different reasons, thought Luigi. You only like it because it feels good. For me, it's more than that, and the more we do it, the more it's going to hurt when you don't want to anymore.

Of course he couldn't actually say any of that to Bowser, and after a moment, the king went on, “Look. I get it, you probably think it's wrong. . . me being who I am, and what I really am. Even though I look like a human right now, I'm still your brother's enemy, and I'm still a Koopa. A monster.  Maybe it is wrong, I dunno. I'll let you be the judge of that. But if we both want something, what's the point in fighting it?”

Luigi looked up into the red eyes looking back at him—seriously, for once—and sighed, “I guess you're right. What's the point?” Of course, the point was that Luigi was going to get his heart broken sooner or later. . . but the longer he stood there looking at Bowser, the clearer it became to him that that was going to happen anyway, no matter what. He'd already fallen, hard, and that wasn't going to change even if Bowser never touched him again.

–

to be continued

Chapter Text

Bowser did not want to be awake at that early hour of the morning, and if he had to be awake, the last person he wanted to see was Mario. The second to last person he wanted to see was Toad, and he was faced with both of them when he trudged down the hall after Luigi to the living room, where they were waiting with his new clothes.

But Bowser wanted even less to spend another day wearing a damn towel, so he stood there with his arms folded instead and tried to look like he didn't want to kill them both.

“Morning, Luigi!” Toad said cheerfully, hopping to his feet from where he'd been sitting on the sofa with Mario. “Hey—Dennis, was it?”

“Good morning, Toad,” said Luigi. Bowser grunted. Mario didn't greet him and only sat there glaring at him, which was just fine with Bowser. He glared back then ignored the older of the plumber brothers, instead eyeing a pile of folded garments on the coffee table and wondering what the annoying little fungus had brought him to wear.

Toad scooped them up and trotted over to Bowser, holding up the stack of clothes to the much taller former Koopa.

“Princess Peach told me about how you left home in such a hurry, you forgot to pack anything to wear!” said Toad. “You must've been real excited to see Luigi, hunh?”

Bowser thought, Leave it to Peaches to make up a story that makes me look as stupid as possible, but he didn't have any choice except to go along with it. He nodded and muttered, “Uh. . . yeah. It'd been a while.”

He reached out and took the clothes, but Toad kept on chattering even though he no longer had any business being there and could have turned around and marched his little mushroom ass back to wherever it was he'd come from.

“I guess you're pretty close if you came all the way here just to spend time with him! I bet you two are best friends, right? Just like me and Mario!”

Bowser smirked and glanced at Mario, who glared at him again before averting his eyes.

“Not exactly,” said Bowser. “Luigi's my—”

“—old friend from school!” Luigi interrupted suddenly. “We practically grew up together! Ahah. . . .”

As Luigi laughed nervously, Bowser looked down at him in confusion and frustration. Not thirty minutes ago, Luigi had said that yes they were going to act like boyfriends because Bowser just being a friend didn't make sense—but now that was exactly what he was telling Toad! What's more, Luigi was blushing (he blushed a lot, Bowser had noticed) and refusing to look at him.

He can't go through with it, Bowser realized. He really is so freaked out at the thought of being with me, he can't even pretend. It hurt, just like it always used to hurt every time Peach rejected him. . . and just like back then, Bowser buried the hurt under anger.

“I'm gonna go put these on,” he growled, turning away and stalking back towards Luigi's bedroom. As he went, he could hear Luigi stammering apologies for him.

“Uh, sorry, Toad, he uh—he's kind of grumpy in the morning, hehe. Thank you for bringing him something to wear, really.”

Toad replied magnanimously, “No biggie! I'm always happy to do a favor for the princess, and for my best friend's brother, and for his best friend, and—”

Bowser stalked into Luigi's room and slammed the door behind him so he wouldn't have to hear Toad's annoying voice any longer. He dropped the clothing on the bed and pawed through it. It turned out not to be so bad: blue jeans, a dark green muscle shirt, what he supposed was meant to be underwear although it looked awfully small, and best of all, socks and combat boots. As sore as Bowser's stupid vulnerable human feet were after just one day on them, he had started to worry that he'd have to wear Wendy O. Koopa's heels after all.

It took him an embarrassingly long time to get the clothes on, simple though they were. For one thing, he found it difficult to step into the underwear and pants while keeping his balance on legs that, to him, were absurdly long and skinny. For another, everything was about a size too small. Except for the underwear, which was about two sizes too small. Once Bowser finally wriggled into it, swearing under his breath all the while, he felt like it was crushing his ridiculously exposed dick and balls, and when he examined himself in Luigi's mirror, he could still see the shape of them so clearly, he didn't see any point to wearing the damn underwear at all. It made a little more sense once he got into the jeans, and he realized how rough the denim and seams were on the inside.

I wouldn't want them rubbing on my junk all day, he observed as he paused for another moment in front of the mirror. Although if that didn't hang out all the time, it wouldn't be a problem! So damn impractical. He could see a noticeable bulge in the front of the jeans, and although the jeans weren't as tight as the underwear, they still hugged that and his ass uncomfortably closely.

Peach is gonna laugh her pretty blond head off when she sees me like this, Bowser sulked. And so is everyone else. Why the fuck did I come here, anyway? I should've just stayed in my damn bed until Kamek can fix me.

Then he sighed, because he knew perfectly well why the fuck he'd come to the Mushroom Kingdom: because Luigi had wanted him to. They could've been alone in paradise on Sunshine Isles, but noooooo, Luigi was so important that he couldn't get away for more than a day. And when faced with the choice of spending time with Luigi in the Mushroom Kingdom versus not spending time with Luigi at all (and likely never getting another shot at it, either), Bowser had chosen to take what he could get.

Yeah, and what I've gotten is blue balls—exposed ones, even—and another reminder that no one I want is ever gonna want me back. Why is it always my plans that backfire? Nothing ever goes right for me, ever!

Getting trapped in the body of a human man had most definitely not been planned; Kamek casting the spell on Bowser was a genuine accident. Bowser hadn't even had an ulterior motive when he sent for Luigi, who really was the only human he could trust to help him cope.

But once they were truly alone together and Bowser looked directly into those big blue eyes for the first time in a long while, and especially when Luigi finally stood up for himself and started yelling at the monster who had once terrified him, all sorts of ulterior motives had begun to occur to Bowser. . . ways to keep being alone with Luigi, to get to know better the man who had over the past two years gone in Bowser's mind from inconsequential to intriguing (and really, really cute).

So the Koopa king had agreed to accompany his worst enemy's brother into hostile territory, in a defenseless human body. And all he'd gotten for his trouble was Luigi rebuffing all Bowser's attempts at flirting, a brief fantasy of railing the plumber in the shower, and a couple of kisses that did nothing to satisfy Bowser and only made him crave more, desperately. (Although dinner had been pretty good. Maybe the humans were on to something with the whole 'eating Moo Moos' thing.)

Bowser lamented, I was so relieved when I realized I'd finally gotten over Peach. . . and now I've let it happen all over again, like an idiot.

He was still scowling at himself in the mirror when a knock came at the door and Luigi called through it, “Aren't you dressed yet?”

Shaken out of his dismal thoughts, Bowser yelled, “Gimme a minute, dammit!” and grabbed for the sleeveless shirt Toad had brought him. He pulled it on over his head, then growled in frustration when one of his arms somehow got stuck in it.

Hearing the growl, Luigi opened the door a crack and asked through it, “Do you need some help?”

Bowser huffed then grumbled, “Just get in here!” Luigi came in, shutting the door behind him, and chuckled when he saw Bowser fuming with his right arm pressed close to his body inside his shirt, like it was a straitjacket.

“I guess you've never worn a shirt you have to pull over your head, hunh?” asked Luigi as he came closer. Then his eyes happened to move lower, and he froze, his face flushing instantly.

Bowser followed Luigi's gaze and, upon seeing where it was directed, muttered, “Jeans aren't s'posed to fit like this, are they?”

“I-it, uh, it depends,” Luigi gulped. He tore his eyes away from Bowser's groin and approached more him slowly, deliberately not looking down again. “Some people like them really tight, but others don't.”

“Well I don't either, but there's not much I can do about it since they're the only pants that stupid Toad gave me,” griped Bowser. He began struggling to get his arm through the proper opening in the shirt, until Luigi grabbed his shoulder.

“Hold still!” he ordered. “You'll tear it if you keep doing that.” He grasped the hem of the shirt on the right side and lifted the shirt up enough for Bowser to move his arm. Then Luigi took his wrist and guided it through the sleeve hole in the muscle shirt before tugging the garment down again. He glanced over at Bowser's chest and flushed once more.

“Oh, uh, the shirt's pretty tight too,” he mumbled. “I guess Toad underestimated how big you are, but you can't really blame him. I'm sure he's never seen a human your size before.”

Bowser sighed and looked down at his chest as well to see that the fabric of the shirt was stretched taut across his pecs. “Does it look too weird?”

“No. . . it, uh. . . looks really good, actually,” stammered Luigi. Bowser raised an eyebrow at him, and the plumber quickly added, “I mean, I like the color a lot.”

“Figures you would,” replied Bowser, beginning to feel a bit better now that he realized Luigi found the tight clothing attractive. “I like it too—almost the same color as my shell.”

Luigi nodded quickly and backed away a couple steps, but his eyes kept darting over Bowser's body. The former Koopa smirked and turned around, then asked over his shoulder, “What about in the back? Feels awful tight back there.”

When Luigi only answered, “N-no, it's—your back looks fine,” Bowser persisted, “How's my ass look?”

Luigi made that cute, sort of squeaky noise he tended to make when he was nervous then murmured, “Uh. . . muscular. The jeans are awfully tight, but they're, um, flattering.”

Bowser chuckled and sat down on the edge of the bed to pull on the socks. “Lemme get the shoes on, then I'll be done. Although I dunno what the rush is if we don't gotta be back at the castle until this afternoon.”

“Well you don't want to sit around here all morning, do you?” countered Luigi, who was recovering from his embarrassment. “I thought we could go out for breakfast. Partly because I don't think we've got enough food left in the house to feed you another meal—I'll have to get groceries soon,” he added with a smile.

“I'm fucking starving, so breakfast sounds like a good idea,” Bowser admitted. He'd gotten his socks and boots on, and was sitting with one ankle propped up on his other knee as he struggled to tie the laces.

When he swore, “Shit!” under his breath, Luigi laughed again and came over to him, saying, “I'll do it, or we'll be here all morning,” as he pushed Bowser's hands away and tied the lace himself. “I guess you've never had to tie a bow before.”

“It's not that I can't tie a bow,” argued Bowser. “It's these hands! Why do you guys need so many damn fingers, anyway? Eight is plenty! The little ones just get in the way.”

“You'll get used to them,” Luigi assured him. He dropped to his knees to tie the other boot swiftly, then stood up again. Bowser started to get up, but Luigi stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “Just a minute! Your clothes are okay, but your hair's a mess. I'll get a comb.”

Bowser scoffed, “I don't need to do anything to it! My hair always looks great!”

“It doesn't look great right now,” retorted Luigi, grabbing a comb from his dresser. “Just stay there, I'll fix it.”

Bowser made a harrumphing noise, but he actually didn't mind when Luigi stood in front of him and raked the comb through his long, bright red hair. It felt good, and he liked having Luigi close to him. As Luigi worked on his hair, Bowser closed his eyes and relaxed, breathing more deeply to inhale the smaller man's scent. Koopas, like other turtles, had an acute sense of smell, so that scent wasn't as strong to Bowser in human form.

Yet it was still detectable and familiar, the same scent he remembered from the day they'd first met. That day, it had been laced with the smell of fear, but Bowser had liked what lay beneath that: a scent a bit like Peach's, probably since they were both humans, yet also unique. Smelling it again now made Bowser want to pull Luigi closer, bury his face in that smooth-looking neck of his that flushed so easily, and—

Bowser flinched when the tightness of his clothing over his groin suddenly felt even tighter.

Luigi stopped combing and asked, “Sorry, did I pull too hard?”

“It's fine,” Bowser muttered. “You done yet?”

“Uh, yeah. . . .” Luigi combed the hair back from Bowser's forehead so that it fell down his neck almost to his shoulders, then looked into Bowser's face with a smile as the king opened his eyes.

“Better?” Bowser asked, unable to help smiling back.

Luigi confirmed, “Much better. You look really nice, Bowser.”

“Thanks. . . .” Bowser's smile faded after a few seconds, and he asked, “Why'd you change the plan? You told Toad we were just friends.”

“Oh. Um. . . .” Luigi looked away, appeared to take a deep breath, then met Bowser's eyes again as he explained, “Not because of Toad. It's. . . it's Mario. I didn't really think about it before, but I don't know how he's going to react to us pretending to be. . . together. I didn't want you to just blurt out, 'Luigi's my boyfriend' with Toad there and all. I need to talk to Mario alone first.”

Bowser knew what Luigi had said was logical, but it pissed him off all the same. Just like always, Mario was getting in the way of what he wanted.

“Why the hell does it matter what Mario thinks?” he grumbled. “This doesn't have anything to do with him!”

“Yes it does, because he's my brother, and he cares about me,” Luigi snapped. “And in case you haven't noticed, he doesn't like you. He's not going to enjoy seeing us act like a couple even if we're faking it, and we can't just spring it on him out of nowhere! He deserves an explanation first. You being a guy makes it even harder!”

Bowser retorted, “Well if it'd be easier on poor sensitive Mario if I was a woman, that can be arranged! See, there's this crown—”

Luigi's eyes widened as he hastily interrupted, “No! You being turned human is enough to deal with, we don't need you turned female on top of that! I just meant that Mario might need to get used to the idea of me with a boyfriend, even a pretend one. He. . . he doesn't know that I. . . um. . . .”

Bowser lifted his eyebrow again. “That you what?”

“That I'm attracted to guys too, not just girls,” Luigi sighed. “I've never told him. . . I never even really admitted it to myself until, uh—this happened.” He gestured vaguely at Bowser's body.

“Oh.” Bowser frowned and asked, “You think Mario would have a problem with it? Because you don't have to tell him. It's not like he's going to think I'm really your boyfriend.”

“I know. . . and I know Mario will still love me and support me, no matter what. But I respect him too much not to give him an explanation,” Luigi said softly. “Toad was leaving just now, so give me a few minutes and I'll talk to Mario before we go to breakfast, okay?”

Hungry as he was, Bowser didn't especially appreciate the delay of breakfast, but the sooner Luigi talked the Mario, the sooner Bowser could get on with treating the younger plumber like his partner, at least in public. He intended to embarrass the hell out of Luigi, which had become one of Bowser's favorite past-times, but also to prove that he could be good to, and for, his princess.

Looking up at Luigi as he nodded in agreement, Bowser thought, Maybe I can change his mind about me. . . .

Luigi smiled at him again and patted him on the arm, then turned away and left the room, saying over his shoulder, “Stay here until I get back!”

When he was gone, Bowser got up and snooped around the room for a while, but he didn't find anything very interesting. Luigi didn't have a lot of clothes (and most of them were green overalls) or personal effects aside from pictures of his various family members, and the room seemed small and cramped compared to Bowser's spacious bedchamber. Of course, a slender human man like Luigi needed a lot less room than a giant hulking Koopa like Bowser, but Bowser still thought he deserved better.

He said he likes it here, but if this is what his home was like, he's never known anything else, Bowser considered as he flopped down on the bed and lay back with his arms folded behind his head. The bed too felt tiny compared to his own, but in his current human form, he did fit in it. In fact, he and Luigi could have both fit in it. Together.

Peaches has always lived like a princess, but Luigi doesn't know what it's like, mused Bowser. If I showed him the kind of life I could give him, maybe he'd— Then he realized exactly what he was thinking and cut the ridiculous thought short. He had no intentions of marrying Luigi, just. . . .

Just what?

Bowser didn't know, and for the first time, it struck him how stupid he was being. What the hell did he think he had to gain even if he did change Luigi's mind about him? It wasn't like he was after a serious relationship. It wasn't like he was in love with the guy, only physically attracted. . . right?

“Dammit!” Bowser growled through his clenched teeth, because he couldn't deny that it wasn't just physical attraction. He did care about Luigi (But I am not falling in love with him! Bowser told himself firmly. I'm not!), and he didn't know what he was supposed to do with those feelings.

Just feel 'em, I guess, he finally decided. And enjoy whatever I can get, while I can. Even if I wanted to marry Luigi, he'd never want to marry me, and I know this won't last. Maybe he thinks I'm hot now, but that's gonna change as soon as I'm back to normal. He'll be grossed out just like Peaches is—humans just can't appreciate a good-looking Koopa!—and scared of me on top of that.

But for as long as I'm a human like him, I can at least pretend he's mine. . . and maybe get him to 'practice' more than kissing.

Bowser smirked at that thought, and his thoughts drifted to various ways that might be accomplished. Soon, his jeans felt tighter than ever, and he growled in frustration and ground the heel of one hand against the throbbing bulge of his cock, trying to relieve some of the pressure. Of course, touching himself only made it worse.

Stupid human dick! Bowser cursed that portion of his anatomy. There must be something wrong with it! Every time I get close to Luigi, or even just think about him—it didn't do this when I saw Peaches last night! Maybe Kamek managed to fuck up fucking up the spell, and my dick's. . . broken or something.

He didn't think he'd be able to make it through a whole day of such torment (especially if he was expected to attend that afternoon's negotiations with Luigi), and Bowser decided he had to come, one way or another. In his opinion, he ought to make Luigi get him off since it was Luigi who kept making his cock malfunction, but even Bowser could recognize that that would be moving too fast.

Wincing as the thought of Luigi jerking him off made his cock even harder, Bowser got to his feet so he could go get himself off in the bathroom, hopefully finishing before Luigi got done telling Mario whatever the fuck he was telling him. He walked awkwardly to the bedroom door and opened it a little to listen, groping himself impatiently with one hand. He could still hear both brothers' voices in the living room, though he couldn't make out what they were saying, so he hurried down the hall to the bathroom.

As he got there, Bowser heard Mario's voice rise: he wasn't quite yelling, but he certainly didn't sound very happy. Luigi said something else, also louder as if he was irritated too. Then Mario did yell: “Why are you doing this for that monster?”

Luigi must have tried to shush him, because Mario responded, “I don't care if he hears me!” But then his voice did grow quieter again, and Bowser couldn't hear anything else they said.

He didn't want to, either, and he glowered as he slammed the bathroom door shut and locked it. He knew perfectly well that he was a monster, literally, in the perception of human beings, yet that didn't make it any easier to hear Mario yelling it. It also wasn't easy knowing that Mario wasn't referring only to his species and appearance, but to his very nature.

Nevertheless, despite that emotional downer, Bowser still needed to get off. He unzipped his jeans and yanked them and the impractical underwear down (thinking morosely of how much trouble they'd be to get back up again) to free his aching cock. He hissed in relief, grabbed it, and started stroking. It wasn't as big in proportion to the rest of his body as it had been when he was a Koopa, but jerking off felt just as good as it used to.

Bowser closed his eyes and leaned his back against the door, biting down on his lower lip to keep from moaning. He needed to get off quick, so he returned to the fantasy he'd had in the shower the night before, which had made him come in mere moments.

Just like he couldn't sleep on his back as a Koopa, Bowser couldn't fuck on his back either, so he'd taken advantage of his present form to imagine banging Luigi as a human man instead of a reptilian one. Luigi straddling Bowser as he lay on his back, the king grasping the plumber's pale narrow hips in his large dark hands, Luigi making those cute little whimpering noises of his as Bowser lowered him onto his dick. . . and then crying out Bowser's name in pleasure as he rode it.

As Bowser imagined thrusting his hips upward to drive his cock into his mustachioed princess, in reality he was thrusting it into his fist. His grip was tight but slick with precum, the way he imagined Luigi's ass would feel. Then, unlike the previous evening, Bowser pictured Luigi leaning down and kissing him as they made love. Bowser didn't have to imagine how that would feel because he now knew from experience: how warm and soft Luigi's lips were and how he tasted and how he moved his tongue when he kissed.

Simply recalling those details was enough to get Bowser off, and he growled through his teeth as he came—all over the tile floor, he realized as he let go of his dick and opened his eyes, trying to calm his ragged breathing. He swore, “Shit!” under his breath at having to clean up after himself, but at least he felt better. A lot better, in fact, he decided. His cock was finally soft, at least for the time being, and coming had relieved not only his sexual frustration, but also his irritation at Mario and the situation in general.

Bowser pulled up his pants and wiped up the incriminating evidence—it took an entire handful of tissue—then washed his hands and left the bathroom. . . only to run into Luigi coming out of the bedroom, looking agitated.

The plumber relaxed when he saw Bowser and breathed, “There you are! I didn't know where you'd gone.”

“Sorry, but it was kind of urgent,” Bowser retorted, making Luigi chuckle.

“It's fine! I was just coming to tell you that we can go eat now, if you're ready.”

Bowser said, “Yeah, sure. But how'd it go? How'd Mario take it?”

Luigi's expressive face fell, and he sighed, “Uh, not too well. But I finally managed to make him understand why we need to pretend we're a couple, and he agreed to go along with it and keep your secret. That's all that matters.”

His tone and the look on his face told Bowser that that wasn't all that mattered, at least not to Luigi. Bowser didn't know anything he could do to make things easier, though, so he just asked, “Is he coming with us?”

Luigi shook his head. “No. He said he, um, didn't want to see you right now. And anyway, he has to help Princess Peach with some stuff, so he went on to the castle.”

With some of his irritation already returning, Bowser rolled his eyes and retorted, “Oh yeah, sure. Bet I can guess what kind of stuff he wants to help with.”

Luigi flushed but at the same time scolded him, “Don't be crude! He really is helping her with something—planning the royal celebration she wants to hold if we can get the treaty signed!” He calmed down and smiled a bit as he went on, “That's one area of diplomacy where I can't offer any assistance. I'm not much fun at parties, but Mario knows how to throw a good one. Toad's helping too. Did you know he DJs?”

Bowser neither knew nor cared. Instead of responding, he smirked and repeated, “You're 'not much fun at parties'? Why not?”

“What do you think?” Luigi returned dryly. “I'm too shy to talk to anybody and too self-conscious to dance, so I usually just stand by the wall and feel awkward until Mario's ready to go home. My high school prom was a nightmare.”

“What's a prom?” Bowser asked. His royal education had consisted of private lessons for him and his brother, taught mostly by Kamek. While ordinary Koopas did go to schools, Bowser knew very little about them.

“Oh, uh, it's a dance most schools have each year for the classes who're close to graduating,” explained Luigi. “It's all a really big deal—what you wear, who your date is, all that stuff.”

Bowser frowned and asked, “So who was your date? That Destiny person?”

Luigi gave him an incredulous look then laughed, though without much humor, “Are you kidding? I told you, she wouldn't have anything to do with me back then. I didn't even bother asking her! I would've been laughed right out of school if I had. Mario took a girl he was friends with, just for fun, but I didn't have a date. Which was part of why it was so awful. I should've just stayed home.”

He sounded so despondent that Bowser tried to cheer him up by declaring, “Well, if you wanna know how to party, you just stick with me a while! We have kickass parties in the Darklands! And none of that 'DJ Toad' shit—live bands only!”

He was pleased when Luigi smiled again in response and said, “I'm not sure I'm ready for a Darklands party, but I'll go to Peach's, provided the treaty does work out. I still won't have a date though.” He paused then added, “Um. . . unless. . . .”

Bowser grinned, sure enough of what Luigi wanted to say that he teased, “Unless what? King Bob-omb needs an escort?”

“Ugh. No. Unless you're still human by then,” Luigi finally said.

Still grinning, Bowser moved closer and asked, “Oh yeah? Are you asking me on a date, princess?”

Luigi flushed all over again and stammered, “I-I just mean, if 'Dennis' is still here and everyone thinks he's my boyfriend, it would be weird if I showed up at a celebration without him! . . . D-don't you think?”

Bowser pretended to consider it. “Hmm. Maybe so. But Dennis'll only go with you if you agree to one condition.”

“Oh, great,” sighed Luigi. “And what would that be?”

“You gotta dance,” Bowser told him. “If you don't know how, it's fine, 'cause I don't either—not as a human, I mean, 'cause I'm an awesome dancer as a Koopa!”

“I suppose we can figure it out together,” Luigi said with a shrug and another smile. “Okay then, it's a. . . um, date. But right now I'm hungry too, so let's go get breakfast before they start serving lunch instead. Then we'd better head for the castle!”

Bowser agreed, his mood much improved. . . until he thought, And what if I'm not still human by then? Peaches isn't gonna let the King of the Koopas come to her fancy party if anyone else knows that's who I am. . . and Luigi wouldn't want me for his date in that case anyway.

For the first time, Bowser hoped it would take Kamek a long time to find the reversal spell they needed. He still didn't want to remain human forever. . . but he didn't want to go back to normal too soon, either.

–

to be continued

Chapter Text

Luigi took Bowser to his favorite cafe for breakfast, where the king proceeded to inhale a dozen-egg omelet to the awe of the Toads working and dining there, making Luigi glad he only had to pay for a human-sized meal and not a Koopa-sized one. As always, the Toad running the cafe told Luigi that everything was on the house, and as always, Luigi declined and insisted on paying for it.

He and Mario never took advantage of the Toads' generosity towards the heroes who had saved their kingdom. They received a salary from Princess Peach for maintaining the Mushroom Kingdom's warp pipe system, on top of whatever they earned from actual plumbing jobs, and both brothers had agreed early on that they would use it to pay their own way.

Luigi explained all this to Bowser when the latter boasted that had they been in the Darklands, Bowser could get things for Luigi simply by demanding them. Bowser listened impatiently then grumbled, “Yeah, great, that's real virtuous of you two. But my point wasn't that I don't have to pay for shit. It was that I could give you anything you wanted.”

“Uh. . . doesn't that amount to the same thing, though?” asked Luigi in confusion.

Bowser sighed and muttered, “Never mind.”

After breakfast, they made their way to Peach's castle, although it was still early enough that they could take their time, and Luigi pointed out various things in the city he found interesting. Bowser had never actually been in the city proper before, and he didn't act like he much wanted to be there now. However, Luigi thought it would do the king good to know that there was a lot to appreciate about the Mushroom Kingdom just the way it was, in case Bowser got the notion again to take it over.

Every Toad they passed turned their head and craned their neck to stare at Bowser as he went by. To Bowser's credit, he didn't glare directly at them, but he wore a glower on his face that deepened the more attention he garnered. No one asked outright who he was, until they crossed paths with a purple friend of Toad's named Chanterelle, to whom he'd apparently spoken that morning.

“Hi Luigi!” she said cheerfully. “I haven't seen you around in a while!”

Luigi smiled down at her and explained, “I've been spending a lot of time at the castle lately, helping the princess. How've you been?”

“Just fine!” Chanterelle replied, but her thoughts were clearly elsewhere. “Is this your human friend? Toad said he came all the way from your world to visit you!”

“Uh yeah, this is Dennis,” said Luigi. He glanced up at Bowser, who was practically scowling, and decided it was time to start putting “the plan” in action, even as nervous as it made him. So he told Chanterelle, “He's my—my boyfriend,” and took Bowser's big hand in his.

Chanterelle's shiny black eyes widened, yet she didn't seem to be as surprised as Bowser was. Luigi felt the former Koopa's hand twitch and heard him draw an audible breath, and he wondered if Bowser hadn't wanted him to say that after all. But then, his fingers tightened over Luigi's, and when Luigi looked up at him again, he smiled.

“Oh, that's so sweet! It's great to meet you, Dennis!” Chanterelle exclaimed, then added a bit mischievously, “I just hope you realize what a lucky guy you are. Luigi's such a sweetheart, and I know a few Toads who are going to be awfully disappointed to hear that he's taken.”

Luigi promptly flushed. He had no idea if she was serious or not about him having admirers; he couldn't imagine anyone having a crush on him. Then he forgot all about the Toads and flushed even deeper when Bowser replied, “Believe me, I know exactly how lucky I am to have him. I wouldn't trade him for this entire kingdom.”

After years of declaring his love for Peach, of course Bowser would know the right things to say to make Chanterelle believe their lie. Still, hearing the king say something like that, even if he didn't mean it, made Luigi's heart flutter.

He barely had the presence of mind to stammer, “I-it's nice to see you, Chanterelle, but we need to head on to the castle. Princess Peach is expecting us.”

“Oh, sure! Don't let me keep you!” the Toad said. “You two have a good day!”

She went on her way, and Luigi and Bowser continued in the opposite direction, towards the castle. Luigi expected Bowser to let go of his hand, but he didn't so Luigi didn't let go either. Holding hands as they walked would help establish their “relationship” to the Toads, and Luigi tried to tell himself that was the only reason he wanted to keep doing it.

Even dawdling, they reached the castle before noon. The Toad guards who ushered them in gave Luigi Peach's message that the meeting with King Bob-omb would commence at one p.m., which meant that he had to find some way to keep Bowser occupied until then.

Finally an idea occurred to him, and he told Bowser, “Princess Peach has a music room with a piano—er, a full-sized one, heh. Would you play for me?”

Bowser had shot him a glare at the “full-sized” comment, but his face relaxed at the question. “You really want me to? 'Cause I don't have your song ready yet. Still can't think of anything to rhyme with 'Luigi' except for 'squeegee,' and that doesn't really work.”

Luigi chuckled, observing as he did so that Bowser had a better sense of humor than he would have guessed. Sometimes, he wasn't certain if the former Koopa was deliberately trying to be funny or if he was just being dense, but this time, Luigi was fairly sure that he was joking.

“That's okay, and yes, I really want you to.”

That seemed to cheer Bowser up considerably, and Luigi congratulated himself on his idea as he found their way through the meandering palace corridors to the room where the royal Toad musicians sometimes played chamber music for Peach and her guests. It contained two baby grand pianos on opposite walls, and Luigi looked from one to the other before nervously sidling towards the one on the right.

“I think this is the normal one,” he muttered.

“Normal?” Bowser snorted as he strode right over. “They both look fine to me.”

“Wait, be careful!” Luigi yelped as Bowser sat his muscular backside down at the bench, but then the plumber relaxed when nothing happened.

Giving him a weird look, Bowser asked, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Nothing's wrong with me. It's wrong with that piano!” Luigi retorted, gesturing towards the other piano across the room. “It bites.”

“Don't tell me Peaches can't afford a piano tuner,” said Bowser, but Luigi shook his head.

He explained, “No, I don't mean it's a crappy piano. I mean it bites literally. It was a gift to Princess Peach from King Boo, but what he didn't tell her is that it's alive. Or haunted, or something. It looks like a normal piano, but when anyone gets close to it, it starts jumping around and trying to eat them. When the top opens up, it's full of teeth.” He shuddered, but Bowser laughed heartily.

“Hah! That sounds just like something ol' Boo would do!” he exclaimed. “He's the most creative bastard I know when it comes to scaring the shit out of people. Damn, I wish I could've seen the look on Peach's face the first time that thing went off!”

“Scaring people isn't funny!” snapped Luigi, who always ended up on the receiving end of such pranks. He looked over his shoulder to glare at the innocent-seeming piano and grumbled, “I wish Peach would just get rid of it, but she's worried about offending King Boo. Our relations with the Boos are tenuous enough as it is. But if I was her, I wouldn't care if I did offend him—I hate that ghost.”

Bowser looked up at him with a hint of a smirk. “You do know that King Boo is one of my closest allies, right?”

Irritated, Luigi informed him, “I'm well aware. That doesn't mean I have to like him. I'm sure he doesn't try to scare you to death every time he sees you.”

“Can't say that he does.” Bowser's seeming indifference irritated Luigi further, particularly when the king turned to face the piano and tapped at a couple of the keys. . . until he said in an off-handed way, “Once I'm back to normal, I'll tell him that if he doesn't lay off, I'll impose sanctions on the Boos. And if he ever bothers you again, just let me know. He'll regret it.”

“Oh,” gulped Luigi. “Um. . . thanks.”

The corner of Bowser's mouth twitched in a suppressed smile. He put both hands on the piano and started playing a scale, then swore when his little fingers got caught under the others and played discordant notes.

“Too many fingers, just like I said!” he griped, beginning again with his pinkies held out to the sides, the way Princess Peach held hers while drinking tea at formal events. Luigi laughed, but Bowser did manage to play the scale without further difficulty. After that, he started playing an actual tune, and Luigi turned to go sit in the front row of chairs set up for the audience.

Still playing with one hand, Bowser patted the spot next to him on the piano bench with the other and said, “Nah, c'mere! Sounds better when you're up close.”

Luigi slid onto the bench beside him and watched Bowser's hands moving over the keys as he coaxed a lovely melody out of the piano. It surprised Luigi to hear something that wasn't loud and melodramatic, and he smiled.

“That's beautiful,” he told Bowser. “What is it?”

Bowser shrugged and said, “Don't know yet. It can be the start of your song, if you like it.”

“I do, but you, um. . . you don't have to write a song for me,” Luigi said. “I don't really expect one or anything.”

“I know I don't have to,” returned Bowser. He was still playing without missing a note as he talked. “But I want to, if you'd want it. It'd be nice to compose for someone who actually appreciates it. Peach never did.”

Luigi murmured, “She should have. I would appreciate it, Bowser. No one has ever done anything like that for me.”

“They should have,” said Bowser.

Luigi very nearly lost track of time sitting there, listening to Bowser play. He didn't sing any words (which was fine with Luigi if “squeegee” would be the best he could do for the time being), but he extended and further developed the melody he played, pausing from time to time to ask Luigi's opinion on what sounded better or worse.

Although he'd initially sat down several inches away, Luigi edged closer to Bowser, drawn in by the warmth and scent of the former Koopa's body. Finally, he was close enough for their arms to touch, and after a moment of internal debate, he leaned slightly against Bowser. Then, when Bowser didn't protest, Luigi rested his cheek against his shoulder.

I shouldn't do this, he thought without moving. But it feels so nice. . . .

Still, he did keep an eye on the elegant clock in the front of the room, and at ten until one, he straightened up. When Bowser quit playing and looked at him curiously, Luigi said reluctantly, “We'd better get to the conference room. Princess Peach won't be too happy with me if I'm late.”

“I can imagine.” Yet before Luigi could get up, Bowser slipped an arm around his waist and squeezed it as he muttered, “I'll finish it, I promise. Might have to be after I go back home, but I'll finish it and make sure you get to hear it.”

“Thanks, Bowser. . . .” Luigi put both of his own arms around Bowser and hugged him tightly before he pulled away and stood up. He would have been perfectly happy just to stay there all afternoon, had the meeting not been so important.

As they walked through the castle towards the conference room, Bowser asked, “So, uh, am I really s'posed to be at this meeting? Can't imagine Peaches actually wants me there.”

“Er, no, probably not. But I don't think she wants you running around her castle unsupervised either, and since you can't stand Toad or Mario, there's no one to keep an eye on you,” replied Luigi. “She'll probably see you attending the meeting as the lesser of two evils.”

“I already promised I wouldn't cause trouble!” Bowser grumbled. “But whatever. I'm not too big on meetings, but I do wanna know just what's in this treaty agreement between the Bob-omb factions. Like is the Big Bob-omb really gonna give up his claim on Bob-omb River? That's some prime territory.”

“I don't know, but we're about to find out,” said Luigi.

The princess was already in the conference room when Luigi and Bowser arrived. Toad waited outside alongside some guards to serve as an usher. . . and Mario was waiting too.

“Lu! I thought you were going to be late,” he exclaimed. He seemed relieved to see Luigi, like he'd thought Bowser really might have kidnapped him or something. “Where have you been?”

“I'll tell you later,” said Luigi, hoping he could do so in a way that wouldn't incense his brother. “Is King Bob-omb's delegation here yet?”

“Nope!” Toad answered for Mario. “Don't worry, you're in time! But you'd better get in there and get settled, they'll be here any minute!”

Luigi nodded and started in the double doors of the conference room with Bowser at his side, but Mario stopped him by grabbing his arm.

“Wait, he's not going in, is he?” demanded Mario with a glare up at the king.

“Er, yes. . . ? I kind of don't have anywhere else to put him,” said Luigi.

Bowser glowered back at Mario and added, “I'll keep quiet!”

“I'm not so worried about you saying anything as am I about you hearing everything!” Mario exclaimed. “This is private business, and you have no right to—”

“Hey, calm down!” Toad interrupted. “Mario, I'm surprised at you! We can trust Luigi's bestie, right? And anyway, so what if he hears stuff? He won't have anyone to tell except the other humans back where you guys came from, and there's nothing they can do with the info!”

Bowser smirked and taunted Mario, “Yeah, exactly—none of the other humans will care about the Mushroom Kingdom's state secrets! Not like I'm gonna go spill 'em to King Bowser or something.”

Mario looked like he was about to explode, and Luigi glared up at Bowser too and hissed, “Stop it!” Bowser just kept smirking, so Luigi tried to ignore him and reassure Mario, “It'll be fine. He promised me he wouldn't cause trouble.”

“Oh, that's very reassuring,” retorted Mario, but then he sighed. “Well, go on if you're going. Peach is expecting you.”

Peach was expecting him, for she looked up from the round conference table as Luigi and Bowser entered and sighed with relief. “There you are, Luigi! I was getting concerned—usually you're so early for everything!”

“Uh, sorry,” stammered Luigi. The chancellor was seated to Peach's right with a couple of other notable Toads sitting past him, so Luigi took the seat directly to her left. It was where he usually sat for meetings, as long as Mario wasn't in attendance, but Bowser looked startled as he sat down on Luigi's other side. The delegation representing the pink/“red” Bob-ombs was already present as well, on booster seats near the Toads.

Luigi was apprehensive about Peach's reaction to him bringing Bowser along, so he leaned closer to her and whispered, “I'm sorry about Bowser being here, but I didn't know what else to do with him.”

To his relief, Peach smiled. Yet the smile was almost a smirk, and she murmured back, “It's okay. I didn't expect you to leave your boyfriend on his own all afternoon.” Luigi stared at her, wondering if the Toads' gossip had traveled so fast that Peach already knew what he'd told Chanterelle. . . or if the princess had somehow picked up on his feelings for Bowser.

Peach giggled at his expression and explained, “Mario told me about your strategy of pretending that's who 'Dennis' is. I actually think it's a great idea, since it'll keep anyone from getting suspicious. Besides, I'll enjoy watching Bowser hit on you for a change instead of me!”

Luigi flushed and retorted, “You're a cruel despot, Princess Peach,” which only made her laugh harder.

“Hey!” Bowser growled on Luigi's right. When Luigi turned to look at him, he grumbled, “What's she being all giggly for? And how come you're sitting next to her?”

Irritably, Luigi hissed, “Don't talk so loud! And you don't have anything to be jealous about!”

“I-I'm not jealous!” said Bowser, so quickly that Luigi knew he was lying.

“You are so! What, did you really think she'd let you sit next to her?” snapped Luigi. “And not that it's any of your business, but she was laughing at me, not with me. She thinks us pretending to be boyfriends is a riot.”

Bowser blinked then mumbled, “Oh. I thought you two were flirting. Or something.”

The idea of Luigi flirting with the princess, or vice versa, was so outlandish that Luigi rolled his eyes and informed him, “I'm no threat to your non-existent relationship with the princess, got it? One, I'm not interested, and two, even if I was, I wouldn't flirt with my brother's girlfriend! I told you, you don't have to be jealous of me.”

Bowser blinked a second time before folding his arms and slouching down in his chair as he muttered, “And I told you, I'm not. I just think it's a bad look for you to be ignoring your boyfriend to get all chummy with Peaches instead. You're gonna blow our cover.”

Luigi opened his mouth to say something in his defense, but then closed it again and sat back in his own chair, looking down at the table instead of at Bowser as his thoughts raced. He still believed Bowser sounded jealous. . . but not of Luigi. He sounded jealous of Peach.

He's just playing the part, Luigi told himself. Acting like a jealous boyfriend because that's what he's pretending to be. . . right?

Before he could think any further, Toad flung open both doors and announced grandly to Peach, “King Bob-omb, your highness!” He bowed then backed away for the enormous king to enter, flanked by two regular-sized black Bob-ombs. Luigi was pleased to see that Sparky was one of them.

Princess Peach, Luigi, and everyone else at the table stood up—except for Bowser. Luigi grabbed his arm and tugged on it, jerking his head at the same time to indicate that although Bowser might not have to show King Bob-omb any respect under normal circumstances, he had to now. Bowser made a face at him, which thankfully went unnoticed by anyone else, and got to his feet.

“Welcome, King Bob-omb,” Peach said gracefully. “I'm honored to have you in attendance.”

“I'm delighted to be here, my dear,” boomed the rotund monarch. “And it's excellent to see you too, Luigi! Your mustache is looking grand.”

Bowser chuckled under his breath and nudged Luigi with his elbow. Luigi ignored him and replied politely, “Thank you, sire.”

“I hope you don't mind us having a guest in attendance,” Peach added, gesturing towards Bowser. “This is. . . Dennis, Luigi's friend visiting from his own world.”

“Oh, not at all,” said King Bob-omb as he took his seat at the table across from Peach, a bench brought in specially to accommodate his size. He barely spared Bowser a glance before apparently dismissing him as unimportant. Possibly due to his lack of a mustache.

As they all sat down again, Luigi smiled at Sparky, who clambered up into a chair on his king's left. The little Bob-omb “smiled” back with his eyes, but then turned them to Bowser, whom he regarded suspiciously. Bowser paid Sparky no more attention than King Bob-omb had paid him.

–

to be continued

Chapter Text

Princess Peach continued, “King Bob-omb, I hope you've had a chance to look over the treaty I drafted? Obviously, the terms are open to negotiation, but I took into account the desires of each faction of Bob-ombs, as they communicated them to me in our meetings.”

“Yes, of course,” the king assured her. “I found. . . most of it agreeable.”

That doesn't sound good, thought Luigi, exchanging a glance with Peach. The expression on her face told him that she didn't think it sounded good, either.

Still, she only nodded to King Bob-omb then turned to the delegation of three pink/red Bob-ombs. The red Bob-ombs had no regent or any other leader; instead, they were governed by a council of representatives from their various settlements, with new representatives chosen each year. The entire council had come to the Mushroom Kingdom for the treaty negotiations, but Peach had restricted this particular meeting to just three members from each faction, black and red.

“And what are your thoughts on the draft?” Peach asked the red Bob-ombs. They looked at one another, and two of them sort of nodded (as much as someone who was all head could nod), indicating that the third should speak for them. Luigi recalled that her name was Chelle.

“We found all of it agreeable,” she told the princess rather pointedly. “We all admire your wisdom in drafting a fair and equitable treaty, your highness.”

“What a suck-up,” Luigi heard Bowser mutter under his breath. Luigi kicked him under the table. Not only should Bowser be keeping his big mouth shut; he also had no room to criticize anyone for sucking up to Peach.

“Thank you, I wanted it to be fair for everyone,” Peach said briskly. She looked over at King Bob-omb and went on, “With that in mind, I'm only asking that you return things to the way they were before you began your conquest. That you no longer lay claim to River Mountain or any other territory occupied by the red Bob-ombs, that all black Bob-ombs withdraw from those areas, and that you swear, in writing, that you will not show any form of aggression towards the red Bob-ombs in the future. What part of that didn't you find agreeable?”

“Very little of it, your highness, I assure you,” boomed the other monarch. “I'd only like two little amendments, one of them being that the red Bob-ombs also swear that they will never show aggression towards us. In the interests of being fair and equitable, you understand.”

The red delegation made what could only be described as angry Bob-omb noises in response, and Chelle exclaimed, “But we've never been aggressive towards the black Bob-ombs! We've only defended ourselves against their actions. Why should we have to swear an oath like that?”

King Bob-omb gave her an annoyed look, the tops of his ovoid eyes slanting inward, and Sparky snapped, “Well, if you don't plan to fight us in the future, why do you have a problem with promising that you won't?”

Chelle narrowed her eyes as well and retorted, “Because we are peaceful Bob-ombs! We don't have to prove it by signing some pledge! Doing so would be like admitting that we can't remain a civil society without a binding contract to enforce it.”

“Oh yeah? If you're so peaceful, why do you have cannons all over the place with your pictures on them?” cried Sparky, jumping up to stand in his chair on his little feet.

Peach intervened before Chelle could reply, calling, “Everyone, please! We'll discuss this in a moment. King Bob-omb, you said you wanted two amendments. What is the other one?”

“I am agreeable to rescinding my claim on River Mountain and any other red Bob-omb settlements,” the king replied, “and I myself will withdraw from those areas, along with my soldiers. But some black Bob-omb civilians have made their homes in these places. I'd like to ask that they be allowed to remain, if they wish, rather than be uprooted and forced to leave their homes and friends.”

“No!” Chelle snapped, jumping to her feet as well. “Those places are our homes, not theirs—and they don't have any friends there! If any of them were allowed to remain, we could never trust them or feel safe. All you black Bob-ombs care about is fighting, and sooner or later, your 'civilians' would turn on us! Black Bob-ombs and red Bob-omb can't be friends!”

Sparky was so incensed that his fuse sparked as he yelled back, “That's right, and you're doing a great job of proving why! All you red Bob-ombs are so judgmental. You think you're so much better than us—you're too stuck up to be friends with anyone but yourselves!”

“Stop it! Both of you!” Peach cried as she stood up too and slammed her gloved hands down on the table. “Can't we talk things out calmly?”

“No!” both Sparky and Chelle shouted at the same time. Chelle added, “This is hopeless! We're just wasting our time. I'm going to recommend to the other red Bob-ombs that we cease negotiations and go home—while we still have homes to go to, before the Big Bob-omb invades them all!”

Peach's delicate jaw clenched, and Luigi could tell she was struggling to keep her temper as well. Luigi could understand why, as she was faced with the prospect of the negotiations falling through after all the time, effort, and resources she had put into them.

She turned to him and hissed, “Luigi, do something!” As much as he hated conflict, especially inserting himself right into the middle of it, Luigi knew that was his job now. And even if it wasn't, he wanted peace for the Bob-ombs almost as much as they did.

“Chelle, wait, please!” he said. He got out of his chair and went around Bowser's to stand next to Sparky's, across the table from Chelle. Her eyes were narrowed and her fuse cocked forward as she regarded him with some suspicion, but she did wait for him to continue.

Luigi took a deep breath then said as calmly as he could manage, “I understand where you both are coming from. Chelle, I know that it's difficult for the red Bob-ombs to trust King Bob-omb and his faction. What they did to all of you was wrong, and I know how hard it is to trust someone after they've hurt you. You're afraid it will just happen again, even if they promise they've changed. Sparky, you can understand that, can't you?”

Sparky made a huffing sound and shuffled one of his golden feet, but then he sighed, “Yeah, I guess.”

“So can I,” King Bob-omb said suddenly. When everyone looked at him in surprise, he went on, “Luigi is very wise. After one is hurt—whether that hurt is emotional or a physical injury—trust can be completely destroyed, and rebuilding it can be a long, arduous process. . . if it happens at all.”

He focused his large white eyes on Princess Peach, and hers dropped in guilt for a second before she made herself look back.

“But,” the king continued, “it can happen. If the other party truly regrets their actions and does their best to make things right, one can forgive and move on. Perhaps the repaired relationship will be even stronger than before.” He smiled at Peach with his eyes and a lifting of his mustache, and she returned the smile.

Then, again to everyone's surprise, King Bob-omb turned to face Chelle and the other two red Bob-ombs to say, “I can't ask you to forgive me, or expect you to trust us any time soon. But know that I do truly regret what I've done, and that my Bob-ombs want peace between us as well. Please give me a chance to make things right and begin to earn your trust. The amendments I ask for are not for my own sake but for that of my subjects, so that they can continue to live in their homes without worry.”

Chelle's white eyes were wide in amazement at the king's words, yet when she turned to look at her two compatriots, all three exchanged doubtful looks.

At least no one's yelling anymore, thought Luigi. He glanced over at Bowser, wondering how he was taking the situation, but the former Koopa was slouched in his chair with his head bent so that Luigi couldn't see his face clearly. He seemed pretty uninterested in the proceedings, which annoyed Luigi since so much was at stake. Nevertheless, looking at him put what King Bob-omb had said into a new perspective for Luigi.

Aloud, he said gently to the red Bob-ombs, “Do give him a chance, please? He's right—trust can be rebuilt, even from fear and pain. People can change for the better, I promise. And, Chelle, I know that you have the ability to trust and forgive. So do you, Sparky,” he added, patting the black Bob-omb on the top, beside his fuse. “I know it because I've done it, and I'm not scared anymore. You're both a lot braver than a coward like me.”

Sparky tilted himself to look up at Luigi and murmured, “You aren't a coward, Luigi.” Then he said to Chelle, “I, uh. . . I get why you think what you do about us. A lot of black Bob-ombs are soldiers, either for King Bob-omb or King Bowser. And maybe those are the only black Bob-ombs you've met before.”

The former Koopa's head finally shot up at the sound of his name, and Luigi prayed Sparky wouldn't say anything that'd piss him off.

Sparky was continuing, “But I promise, we care about a lot more than fighting. We have homes and friends and families, just like you. And we'd be sad if we had to leave. Back in Bob-omb Village, I have my own little house, and a patch where I grow flowers, and there's Bob-ombs and Goombas and Thwomps who're my friends. My best friend is there waiting for me to get back, and if I had to leave them, I don't know what I'd do.”

Chelle finally spoke again, and Luigi stifled a sigh of relief at her response: “I have a life like that back at River Mountain. And. . . I suppose I can understand why we red Bob-ombs might come off as stuck-up and judgmental, if you don't know us personally. There aren't any red Bob-ombs in Bob-omb Village, are there?”

“Uh, no,” Sparky mumbled. “I'd never met one before the negotiations began.”

“Right,” said Chelle dryly. “We aren't all just alike. And I guess you aren't either.”

Luigi said encouragingly, “Exactly! You all have things in common—you're all Bob-ombs, no matter what color you are. You all have fuses and keys and. . . well, you get the idea. But every one of you is an individual, too. You can't judge by appearances and know what another Bob-omb is like just because they're red or black. If you let what someone looks like on the outside make you dislike them, you'll never get the chance to see all the good things about them on the inside. But if you do get that chance, you might really like what you see.”

Since it seemed like Luigi had defused the situation (no pun intended), he gave Sparky another encouraging pat then returned to his seat next to Bowser. The king had his head down again, but when Luigi looked over at him, Bowser turned it enough to look back and meet Luigi's eyes. Bowser's expression wasn't exactly like anything Luigi had seen before, and he couldn't really figure out it. He would've called it “pensive” had it been on the face on someone who thought about things more deeply than Bowser did.

But then Bowser smiled, just a little. He slid his hand over to one of Luigi's, which were resting on the table, and briefly closed his fingers over the plumber's. He squeezed them lightly before letting go.

What was that for? Luigi wondered. He jumped and looked over at Peach when she elbowed him and cleared her throat. She lifted one eyebrow slightly at Luigi before addressing the red Bob-ombs.

“Will you agree to the amendments King Bob-omb has proposed? You swearing to refrain from aggression doesn't mean that anyone believes you would attack. You can just think of it as a mutual pact between you and the black Bob-ombs to show both factions' commitment to peace. And as for allowing the black Bob-omb settlers to remain in your communities. . . if any of them should cause trouble, you'll deal with them, won't you, King Bob-omb?”

“Yes, of course,” he assured her. “I won't allow any of my subjects to act out of accordance with the treaty.”

Chelle turned to her compatriots, and they whispered together a moment before she faced the princess again and nodded her round pink body.

“All right. We'll agree to the amendments on one condition—that the Mushroom Kingdom provide us with protection if the black Bob-ombs ever do break the treaty,” she announced. Sparky frowned, as much as someone with no mouth could frown, but Chelle explained, “As the Big Bob-omb said, it will take time for him to earn our trust. We'd like some reassurance that we won't be invaded again, in the meantime. And since the black Bob-ombs are allied with Bowser and could conceivably have the entire Koopa Troop at their backs if the Big Bob-omb requests his assistance. . . .”

“Hmph,” Bowser scoffed skeptically, fortunately softly enough that only Luigi heard him. As Peach informed Chelle that she found that condition acceptable, Luigi leaned over and whispered to Bowser, “You wouldn't do that, would you—send the Koopa Troop to help King Bob-omb invade?”

Bowser rolled his red eyes and hissed back, “Of course not! What would I get out of it? And anyway, since peace between these little round bastards means so much to you, I wouldn't do anything to screw it up.”

“Thanks,” murmured Luigi sincerely.

Peach was saying, “Now that everyone has agreed on the changes to be made, I'll prepare the final draft of the treaty. It should be ready for you to sign the day after tomorrow. Until then, please relax and enjoy your stay in the Mushroom Kingdom, and don't hesitate to ask for anything you need.”

“Thank you, your highness,” said King Bob-omb as he hefted his bulky body to his feet. “My time here has been quite enjoyable so far!” Peach smiled and nodded, although Luigi was aware that the king had spent a large portion of that time napping. He went on, “I've also enjoyed my conversations with you and especially with Luigi here. His insights are quite unique, and my subjects have told me how much they appreciate the respect with which he treats them. You're fortunate to have him for an advisor!”

Luigi felt slightly amazed that twice in the same day, someone had been told they were lucky to have him. Normally, he felt like he brought everyone more bad luck than good.

Peach made him feel even better when she laughed and said, “Believe me, I know! This treaty couldn't have been accomplished without him.” Still, Luigi cringed inwardly to think about how Bowser would tease him later about King Bob-omb's praise. . . .

. . . Until Bowser suddenly draped his very heavy arm over Luigi's shoulders and pulled him close to his side. Luigi jumped and glanced up at him to see that the former Koopa was giving the other king a stony glare. Luigi bit down on his lower lip to keep from laughing himself.

He really is acting like a jealous boyfriend! he observed. Either he's playing the part really well in front of the Bob-ombs, or else he's starting to believe his own joke about the arranged marriage and. . . and he's genuinely jealous. . . .

Aloud, he said modestly to Peach and King Bob-omb, “Thank you both, but really, I just want the Bob-ombs to be able to live safely and happily. I think that's something all of us deserve, so if I can help in any way to give them that, I'm glad to do it.”

The red Bob-ombs exited the conference room first, followed by King Bob-omb. Sparky hung back a moment though and walked across the table (Peach graciously pretended not to notice the little footprints he left behind) to stand in front of Luigi.

“Thank you, Luigi,” Sparky said solemnly. “Thank you for helping. . . and for caring in the first place.”

“You're welcome,” Luigi told him, “but of course I care. You're my friend, little guy.”

Sparky smiled with his eyes, then opened them wide again as he looked up at Bowser, who still had his arm around Luigi's shoulders even though King Bob-omb had left the room. Sparky said critically, “Since we won't be meeting again until the signing, I suppose you can have Luigi to yourself tomorrow. . . Frank, was it?”

“Dennis,” grumbled Bowser. “Thanks for giving me permission to can-noodle with my own boyfriend. Real generous of you, Spanky.”

“Sparky,” the Bob-omb snapped. “I don't know what the heck he sees in you 'cause it seems to me like you're a first-class dick.”

Peach snickered, clapping a hand over her mouth and trying to disguise the laugh as a cough. Luigi cringed—outwardly this time—expecting an outraged tantrum from Bowser in response. He did feel the much larger man tense up and even heard a low growl from between his clenched teeth, but fortunately, Sparky went on before Bowser could otherwise react.

“But. He must see something, because Luigi wouldn't be with anyone who didn't have some good in them, and it's pretty obvious you make him really happy. So I guess you're okay.” Sparky sort of tilted to one side, which Luigi interpreted as a shrug, before narrowing his white eyes again slightly. “But if you do anything to hurt him, you'll be sorry, mister!”

To Luigi's relief, Bowser relaxed and even chuckled. “Heh, hurting him's the last thing I wanna do, but I'll keep that in mind, all the same.”

“See that you do,” the little Bob-omb replied sternly before bobbing his fuse in deference to Peach. “Good afternoon, Princess Peach. Bye, Luigi!” He turned and hopped down off the table, then marched out the door leaving Peach, Luigi, and Bowser alone.

Peach turned to the two men and asked, “'Canoodling,' hmm? No one told me that was part of the plan.”

“It's not!” Luigi and Bowser said in quick unison as Bowser dropped his arm from Luigi's shoulders. Luigi tried to explain, “It's just something Sparky said yesterday. He thought I'd missed the meetings because I was off, um, doing that with Bowser. Dennis, I mean, not Bowser—at least, Sparky doesn't know he's Bowser—”

“Okay, okay, so you won't be spending your day off tomorrow making out,” laughed Peach. “Got it.”

–

to be continued

Chapter Text

Mario was waiting for Peach and the others outside the conference room, and when the three emerged, he asked the princess, “How'd it go? The Bob-ombs looked pretty happy—as far as I could tell, anyway.”

“It was touch and go there for awhile,” Peach admitted, “but they were able to reach an agreement about the treaty. Thanks to Luigi, I might add.” She smiled at him, then went on, “I'll be finishing the final draft of the treaty tomorrow, so hopefully the signing will take place the day after. I will be so glad when all this is over and everyone goes home and things can go back to normal!”

“So will I,” muttered Mario with a significant look up at Bowser, who scowled back. After that, Mario turned to Luigi with a smile instead and exclaimed, “Way to go, Lu! You really have a knack for this negotiation stuff. Maybe Peach should appoint you to be a diplomat for the Mushroom Kingdom. You could have an official title and everything! Ambassador or Envoy or something.”

Before Luigi could politely demur, Bowser chuckled and said, “Well ain't that a coincidence. Just yesterday, I was telling Luigi that Peaches should give him a title! Except it wasn't 'Ambassador' or 'Envoy.'”

“Shut up, Bowser,” Luigi hissed through clenched teeth.

“No, Luigi, I think it's a great idea!” Peach enthused. “I never thought I'd agree with Bowser about anything, but he and Mario are both right. You've done so much for us, you deserve some recognition!” She put her hands on her hips and looked up at Bowser to ask, “Dare I ask what title you had in mind?”

“No,” said Luigi. Bowser ignored him and grinned.

“Well, if you're open to suggestions, I think you oughta call him—shit!”

The expletive was not, in fact, a suggestion but the outcome of Luigi kicking Bowser in the leg again—hard this time.

As Bowser bent down to rub his shin, Luigi snapped, “Don't you dare.”

“Yeah? Or else what?” Bowser teased, straightening up, but Luigi wasn't in the mood. He could put up with being called “princess” when it was just the two of them (although it wasn't like he liked it or anything, of course), but no way did he want either his brother or the real princess to know about it.

“Or else I'm going to be mad at you,” he told Bowser. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Luigi realized what a silly threat that was. No one except for Mario and their mom had ever been upset when he was angry with them. When Luigi had gotten mad at Bowser over the past couple days, Bowser had just gotten mad back, so why would that stop him from humiliating Luigi in front of the two people he respected most?

Yet when he studied Luigi's expression and saw how serious he was, the grin dropped from Bowser's face, and he sighed.

“Okay, okay, I won't.” He glanced at Peach with a shrug. “Looks like it's gonna be 'Envoy Luigi.' Bor-ing, but whatever. Anyway, you got anything to eat around here, Peaches? I missed lunch, and this warm-blooded body burns through a meal a hell of a lot faster than my real one.”

“No, hold on a second!” Peach said, hands back on her hips. “What just happened here?”

Bowser blinked. “Uh. . . I said I was hungry?”

“Before that. You didn't say what you were about to say,” expounded Peach, “because Luigi was going to be mad at you if you did.”

“Yeah? So?”

She persisted, “So, since when has it bothered you to make someone angry? You never cared if you made me mad.”

Bowser folded his arms and looked away as he huffed, “This is different. I'm—I'm relying on him and stuff! And everything I do makes you mad anyway! Luigi likes me, so I don't wanna screw that up.”

“You're bound to, sooner or later,” grumbled Mario. “I'm surprised he's made it this long without sending you back to the Darklands.”

“I'm not going to do that,” Luigi sighed. “And don't all of you have more important things to do than stand around talking about me?”

Peach laughed, “Okay, okay. I'll say that I'm very impressed at your ability to control Bowser, and that I might make that official title of yours 'Envoy to the Darklands,' specifically. And I'll leave it at that.” Luigi wondered if she really meant that. . . and hoped that she did. It would give him an excuse to see Bowser again, even if only in an official capacity.

The princess turned back to Bowser and went on, “As for you being hungry, you can go find your own lunch. I have to finalize plans for the party celebrating the treaty, now that it's almost certain, so I want to meet with Mario and Toad about it this afternoon. Since Luigi insists that he wouldn't be any help, you two are free to go.”

“Hey, yeah, he was telling me about that!” Bowser said. “Sounds like it'll be pretty dull, but I got some ideas—”

Peach cut him off: “And you can keep them to yourself. This is not going to be your kind of party. Especially since you aren't invited.”

Bowser frowned and looked at Luigi, who shook his head slightly at the king. He'd had enough of arguments and negotiations for the day; he could convince Peach later to let Bowser attend the party with him.

If he's even still here by then, Luigi reminded himself. Kamek could find the reversal spell today for all I know, and when he does, Bowser will go home. . . .

Out loud, Luigi said, “We'll head out then. Mario, are you gonna be home for dinner?”

Mario looked conflicted, glancing at Bowser mistrustfully before replying, “Uh, no, if that's okay. Peach and I have plans. Unless you need me to come home?”

“No, that's fine!” Luigi told him quickly. He didn't want to interfere with his brother's love life, and it was enough work having to feed Bowser without needing to prepare dinner for Mario too. He also didn't want to have to spend the evening keeping his brother and the king from fighting.

“Are you sure?” persisted Mario. “You've had to be alone with him an awful lot—”

“Luigi will be fine, Mario,” Peach interrupted in a tone of suppressed humor. “Like I said, he seems to have an uncanny ability to make Bowser behave himself. Looks like you're the one with the pet turtle now, Luigi.”

Luigi flushed, and Bowser grumbled, “I'm not a turtle anymore, y'know.”

“Let's just go,” muttered Luigi. “Princess Peach, please let me know when the treaty will be signed. I'd like to be there.”

“Of course! We wouldn't do it without you,” Peach assured him.

Neither Luigi nor Bowser spoke as they left the castle together. Bowser didn't usually keep quiet for very long, and Luigi wondered if he was mad about Peach's teasing, or her excluding him from the guest list for her party. Maybe he'd been planning on sweeping her off her feet at the celebration, and now he was annoyed at Luigi for not convincing her to invite him.

When Luigi glanced up at him, Bowser didn't look mad exactly, instead more like the almost pensive expression he'd had during the negotiations. . . like he had something on his mind. Luigi decided not to ask in case that “something” was the princess.

Instead, when they were almost off the castle grounds and back into the city, Luigi finally broke their long silence by asking, “Um, so what do you want to eat?”

“Hang on a minute.” Bowser grabbed Luigi's arm to stop him and asked, “Uh, d'you want me to quit calling you—well, you-know-what? If you really hate it, I'll stop.”

Surprised, Luigi faced Bowser and looked up at him. Was that what Bowser had been thinking so hard about?

“It's not that I hate it, just—I just didn't want you do it in front of Princess Peach and especially Mario,” Luigi tried to explain. He hesitated, knowing that this was his chance to put an end to his nickname once and for all. . . then went on because that wasn't actually what he wanted. “You can call me, um, 'p-princess' when we're alone, okay?”

Bowser abruptly grinned, and Luigi was surprised again, this time at how relieved he felt to see the king smile.

“Okay then, I can live with that,” Bowser said. “Man, I thought you were really pissed at me! 'Specially when you didn't tell Peaches to let me be your date to her thing.”

Flustered by the word “date,” Luigi mumbled, “Uh no, that was only because I didn't feel like arguing with her about it just then. I'll get her to change her mind later. So no, I'm not mad.”

When he returned Bowser's smile, the former Koopa declared, “Great! And to answer your question, I'll eat anything, so you can pick where we go. . . princess.” Luigi rolled his eyes, but at the same time, he was glad he hadn't told Bowser to drop the nickname entirely. Maybe he did like it. A little.

As they walked on, Luigi asked, “Do you mind if we get something to go and eat at home? I'm really tired of. . . well, dealing with other people.”

“Nah, that's fine. You know I don't want to spend the rest of the afternoon surrounded by Toads. Speaking of which, they're all looking at us,” Bowser grumbled, glancing around the crowded streets. He moved closer to Luigi and reached out to clasp the plumber's hand, for the Toads' benefit, Luigi presumed.

Luigi picked up sandwiches—one for himself and two for Bowser, hoping that would be enough—and led the former Koopa home. He sat the king down at the kitchen table then went to the refrigerator for drinks, frowning when he saw how empty it was.

“I really need to go grocery shopping tomorrow,” he muttered.

“That's how you wanna spend your day off?” Bowser griped. It sounded like his mouth was full, and when Luigi turned back to the table, he found that half of the former Koopa's first sandwich had already disappeared.

“I don't have much choice,” retorted Luigi as he sat down and grabbed his own sandwich before Bowser inhaled that too. “We don't have enough food to feed all three of us another day—especially not you.”

Bowser sighed, “And I suppose that means you're gonna drag me to all the shops in this stupid city, so all the little fungi can stare at me some more.”

Irritated by his attitude—like Luigi was an imposition on Bowser instead of the other way around—the plumber grumbled, “If you think helping me with the groceries is that horrible, you can stay here by yourself while I go. At this point, I'm not worried about leaving you alone. We just won't tell Mario or the princess about it.”

“Nah, it's not that!” Bowser quickly countered. “I don't wanna sit around here by myself all day when I could be with you. Uh, helping you, I mean, since I owe you and all. And like, if you need that much food, you're gonna need a big strong guy to carry all the bags for you, right?”

He smirked, and Luigi couldn't help chuckling too. “Well, that would be nice. Unless Mario's around to help, I usually have to make several trips to get everything home.”

Bowser finished off his second sandwich in a couple bites, mumbling around the last mouthful, “So it's not that I mind the shopping, it's the Toads.” He stopped talking long enough to swallow then went on, “I got an idea though. Last night, you said that sometimes you go back to your world to get human food. Why don't we do that tomorrow instead?”

Luigi had the end of his sandwich halfway to his mouth, but at the proposition, he quickly lowered it again to stare at Bowser over it.

“You mean—me bring you with me to the human world? To Brooklyn?” he stammered.

“Uh. . . yeah?” Bowser shrugged. “In this body, I can't do any more damage there than I could here, and I'll stand out a lot less. And anyway. . . I wanna see what it's like. I didn't really get a good look last time since I too busy getting wrecked by you and your stupid brother to do much sight-seeing.”

When Luigi still hesitated, Bowser added plaintively, “Please? I'll be good, I promise.” Something in Luigi's face must have signaled that he was about to relent, for Bowser went on with another grin, “I mean, Peaches said I'm your pet now, so I gotta do what you say, right? You can even put me on a leash if you wanna.”

Luigi bit down on his lower lip to hold back a “mamma mia” as Bowser's words gave him thoughts he shouldn't be having.

“Er, n-no, that's okay. I trust you, so I. . . I guess we can go,” Luigi gave in. “But only to get groceries. I'm not visiting my family this trip because I have no idea what I'd tell them to explain you.”

Bowser shrugged again. “Same thing you're telling everybody here. Tell 'em I'm your boyfriend—just say that you met me over here, instead of there. They don't know how few humans there are in this world, right?”

Horrified at the thought of coming out to his family by presenting someone who looked like Bowser as his “boyfriend from the Mushroom Kingdom,” Luigi shook his head rapidly. Bowser frowned.

“Well, why not? It's worked pretty well so far—oh, wait. You said you never told Mario you like guys, right? So I guess you didn't tell anyone else, either,” the king muttered.

“No, I haven't ever told anybody,” confirmed Luigi. “Er, well. . . except for you.” It was a weird realization: Luigi had confessed his deepest secret not to his brother or even his mother, but to Bowser. He pushed the thought away to ponder later and went on, “It's a big city, and the stores will be so busy, there's no way we're gonna run into anyone I know. But if we do. . . we're just friends, okay?”

Bowser sighed, “Okay, fine. And I get it, I guess. If I was in your place, I wouldn't want to inform Junior and Kamek that I'm dating a human man from another world by just showing up with you.” He paused then chuckled, “Scratch that, I wouldn't spring something like that on Junior. Kamek though—it'd be hilarious. He'd freak right the fuck out.”

“I don't think he'd be that freaked out,” mumbled Luigi, remembering his last conversation with Kamek before leaving for the Mushroom Kingdom with Bowser in tow. “But anyway, thanks for understanding—now and earlier too, about Mario.”

“Yeah, sure. But hey, tell me about this Brooklyn place. What's it like?” Bowser asked. “What little I saw of it didn't look like the Mushroom Kingdom or the Darklands, or any other place I've been to.”

With a little laugh, Luigi told him, “It's not! It's a borough—uh, that's like a district, sorta—of a huge city called New York. Like I said, there's lots of people, and lots of buildings, and um. . . well. . . I don't know what else to tell you.”

“Hunh. Real helpful,” grumbled Bowser. “I wanted to be prepared for this, not just pop out of a warp pipe into a world I know nothing about.”

Luigi retorted, “Believe me, I know first hand how unpleasant that can be! But it's not something I can explain in a way that would make any sense to you. You'll just have to see it for your. . . self.” His speech slowed as an idea occurred to him. “Hey, I just thought of something. Mario and I brought a ton of movies from home when we moved here, and we've got a whole bunch that take place in New York City. It was Mario's idea, so we could watch them together when I—we felt homesick. Since we don't have anything else to do the rest of the day, why don't we watch a couple? That way, you can see where you'll be going tomorrow!”

“Okay, might be fun,” Bowser agreed. He followed Luigi to the living room, where the plumber crouched down to open the doors of a cabinet on the TV stand. He kept his and Mario's movie collection meticulously organized by genre, then alphabetized by title. Mario was more prone to leave the cases and discs lying around in piles, but even he had to admit that Luigi's system was better when it came to being actually able to find what they wanted to watch.

Luigi gestured to one shelf and explained, “These are all the ones set in New York. There's kind of a lot, so I'll just grab some and you can pick one that seems interesting.”

As much as it pained him to mess up his neatly organized cabinet, Luigi pulled two handfuls of cases off the shelf and handed them to Bowser who was squatting next to him. Instead of reading the descriptions on the backs of the cases, which was what Luigi would have done, Bowser just shuffled through them looking at the covers.

What else did I expect? Luigi thought, stifling a sigh.

“Uh, these all look kind of the same,” the king muttered. “Buncha humans on them.”

“That's because all the people in New York City are human,” Luigi said with what he thought was remarkable patience.

“Well duh, but they seem pretty boring—oh hey, that looks sorta like a Boo!” Bowser exclaimed, perking up at the sight of something at least vaguely familiar to him. “Ghostbusters? You guys have ghosts in the human world?”

Luigi cringed, cursing himself for handing Bowser the movies without paying attention to the titles. He mumbled, “N-no. . . I mean, some people believe in them, but they're not—not real.” At least that was what he'd always told himself. . . until he'd encountered his first Boo.

“Really? Then why'd you—humans, I mean—make a movie about them?” Bowser asked skeptically.

Luigi argued, “We make lots of movies about things that aren't real! Humans tend to like using their imaginations. Since Ghostbusters is a horror movie, it's supposed to be about scary made-up things.”

“Says here it's a comedy,” Bowser pointed out, having finally looked at the back of the case.

“Okay, it's a funny horror movie then,” snapped Luigi.

“Hunh. Well let's watch it!” Bowser declared, much to Luigi's dismay. “I wanna see how different your human ghosts are from actual Boos. Besides, it sounds funny.”

Luigi could do nothing but agree. If he protested, Bowser would want to know why Luigi didn't want to watch Ghostbusters, and then Luigi would have to admit that was because it, like any other ghost movie, scared the overalls off him. Ghostbusters scared him. Beetlejuice scared him. Casper scared him. It didn't matter how funny the movie or how friendly the ghost, Luigi would be scared because Luigi hated ghosts.

He'd hated ghosts in a world where he had no proof of their existence (and lay awake nights worrying about them, nevertheless).

Now, in this world, he hated ghosts even more because not only did they most definitely exist, most of them were jerks. Or at least all the ones Luigi had encountered had been jerks, and their king was the biggest jerk of them all, both literally and figuratively.

But if Luigi told Bowser that he wouldn't watch a harmless, silly comedy movie about fictional ghosts because it scared him, Bowser would laugh at him. Worse, Bowser would go back to thinking of him the way he had at first. . . as a cowardly, pathetic loser.

And so Luigi said with false bravado, “Sure, go sit down. I'll put it in.” Someone more observant than Bowser might have heard the faint tremor in Luigi's voice or seen the way his hands shook a little as he fumbled the disc into the player.

Bowser took up the right half of the couch all by himself, with his knees apart and his left arm draped across the back. Luigi sat down on the other half and started the movie, then tried his best not to watch it. Bowser seemed to be enjoying himself, laughing at the special effects as much as the intentional humor and providing a running commentary on how different everything in New York was from his world, ghosts included.

Luigi mumbled responses at appropriate intervals and thought he was doing a pretty good job of not acting scared. . . until he made the mistake of glancing up at the screen just in time to see Sigourney Weaver get grabbed and hauled off by her possessed armchair. He gave a little yelp and cringed back against the couch, then looked down at its arm and yelped again as he envisioned a hand sprouting out of it.

Luigi quickly slid towards the middle of the couch, forgetting all about Bowser until he inadvertently pressed up against the king's side.

Bowser glanced at him and chuckled, “Scared, princess?”

“No!” Luigi said defensively. “Just—just startled, heh.”

He looked at the TV with false bravado, which failed him when he saw the demon currently crashing Rick Moranis's party onscreen. With a third yelp, Luigi clapped both hands over his face and cowered against Bowser, who snickered.

“You are so scared! Why? Thought you said you don't got shit like this going on in the human world. And it looks so fake!”

“Th-that doesn't matter, it could be real!” Luigi whimpered. “And ghosts are real here!”

Bowser argued with a gesture towards the TV, “Ghosts, yeah, but not ugly-ass demons like that. And I mean, I'm the scariest guy in this world, right? So what d'ya got to be scared of with me here to protect you?”

“B-being scared doesn't have anything to do with logic—” Luigi began, but then he broke off and dropped his hands to look up at Bowser instead in surprise. “. . .What do you mean, protect me?”

“Just what it sounds like! I already told you, I'm gonna make sure the Boos leave you alone, and if anything else tries to hurt you, I'll destroy it!” Bowser slipped his arm off the back of the sofa to wrap it around Luigi's shoulders instead, holding the smaller man tightly against him and finished, “So you don't have to be scared, okay? Not of anything.”

“Okay,” murmured Luigi, all but entranced. Bowser still didn't get that many of Luigi's fears were illogical, so having his protection wouldn't completely allay them. . . yet Bowser's promise to keep him safe so enamored Luigi that he nearly forgot all about everything that scared him. Bowser smiled then turned his attention back to the TV, but he kept his arm around Luigi, who decided he could stomach the rest of the movie if it meant he didn't have to move.

After another couple minutes went by, during which Luigi didn't even notice what was happening onscreen, he again laid his head on Bowser's shoulder like he had at the piano. Bowser hadn't seemed to mind it then, and he didn't seem to mind now. In fact, he squeezed Luigi's shoulders a little tighter, and Luigi closed his eyes with a happy sigh. He'd never cuddled with anyone romantically before, and he wasn't sure he was doing it now, at least not from Bowser's perspective. Regardless, it was wonderful, both comforting and a little exciting due to how big and warm and strong Bowser felt at Luigi's side.

Bowser slid his hand down to Luigi's upper arm, which he rubbed a moment before dropping his arm further to encircle his waist, again like at the piano. Remembering how that had led Luigi to hug him, the plumber wondered if that was what Bowser was aiming for now.

Why? Luigi asked himself. Why does he want to do this—to practice some more, even though we won't be acting like a couple tomorrow? Or. . . or does he actually like cuddling? I wouldn't have thought Koopas did, especially not this Koopa. And I really wouldn't have thought he'd like doing it with me. . . .

Yet when he timidly shifted inwards towards Bowser and reached his left arm over to hug the larger man's waist, Bowser didn't protest.

Good thing Sparky gave us permission to canoodle, Luigi thought with a smile, because I guess we're officially doing it.

–

to be continued

Chapter Text

Bowser's heart was already beating quickly with nerves when he wrapped his arm around Luigi's slender waist, and when the smaller man actually turned towards him and draped his own arm over Bowser, it beat even faster. He'd spent all day wanting to get his hands (and his lips) back on Luigi, and now that he finally had the chance, he was afraid he'd screw something up the way he usually did.

But Luigi had seemed to want to be close to him in the music room back at the castle—Bowser hoped that wasn't just because he was scared of the alleged biting piano—and the plumber certainly hadn't protested when Bowser put an arm around him. In fact, Luigi was literally cuddling with him, something Bowser hadn't done with anyone since Junior's hatchling days, before he declared himself a tough, grown-up Koopa (at the age of 4) who was too old to snuggle with his dad.

Junior used to seek the safety of Bowser's arms when he was frightened too, usually after he'd had a bad dream. But this was different. Luigi didn't seem scared anymore; when Bowser glanced down at his face, the smaller man actually had his eyes closed in what looked like contentment rather than fear. Plus this was, you know, Luigi—not Bowser's young son but his pretend boyfriend, who was making Bowser feel some very real, not-pretend-at-all things.

The other difference came from Bowser being human. He observed dismally that were he in his true body, Luigi would want no part of Bowser's rough scales touching his soft skin; he'd want even less to feel Bowser's enormous arm around him or his claws on his waist where Bowser's fingers now rested.

If I suddenly went back to normal right now, he'd run away screaming. He'd be even scareder of me than he is of that demon what's-it in the movie! But then Bowser reminded himself that he wouldn't “go back to normal” until Kamek cast another spell on him, and he should make the most of Luigi not being scared of him, while he could.

That left him wondering what to do next. He'd like to pull Luigi into his lap and kiss the hell out of him, but Bowser decided he should work up to that a little more slowly. Instead, he tilted his head to the side to lean it against Luigi's, where it lay on Bowser's shoulder. The plumber had finally taken off that stupid hat of his when he started the movie, so Bowser rubbed his cheek a little against Luigi's hair, relishing its softness. It was so different from Peach's hair, nothing special to look at (except those little curls in the ends that always brushed the back of Luigi's neck were pretty cute), yet it felt and smelled so nice.

When Bowser sort of nuzzled his hair, Luigi laughed, “H-hey, that tickles! What're you doing?”

“Your hair smells good,” Bowser mumbled. He reached over to run the fingers of his free hand through Luigi's hair and added, “It's so soft too. Do all humans have hair that feels like this?”

“Um, n-no, human hair can be all kinds of different textures, and colors,” stammered Luigi. He sounded a little flustered, but he wasn't trying to get away. Bowser smiled to himself and trailed his fingers through the curls to stroke the back of Luigi's neck. His skin there felt as smooth as Bowser had imagined, and Luigi shivered slightly at his touch.

Bowser asked, “What other colors? Red, like mine?”

“Uh, well. . . .” Luigi pulled back to study his hair, though without dislodging the king's hand from his neck. “Some humans do have what we call red hair, and it comes in a lot of different shades. But I've never seen anybody with hair as red-red as yours, at least not naturally.”

He lifted his hand and rather timidly ran it over Bowser's hair. When Bowser smiled and commented, “That feels good,” Luigi smiled too and kept doing it, sort of petting the much larger man.

“You said your hair isn't soft, but it is,” murmured Luigi. “It feels a little different from mine, but it's really nice. And I like how it matches your eyes. . . . I've never seen a human with eyes that are naturally red like this, either, but I like them.”

“Really? You don't think they're scary?” asked Bowser, somewhat surprised, but Luigi laughed softly.

“No, of course not! They're pretty.” Bowser was bewildered by that—no one had ever called any part of him pretty before—but before he could question it, Luigi went on, “I don't think anything about you is scary anymore, now that I'm used to you. When I first saw you like this, I was scared because you're still so big, and you were yelling so much. But now, I um. . . I like how big you are, and you haven't yelled at me all day. So you aren't scary to me, because now I know you're not going to hurt me.”

Bowser smiled again and assured him, “Of course not. Like I told Snappy—hurting you's the last thing I wanna do.”

“Sparky! His name is Sparky,” Luigi snickered, but then his face softened, and he murmured, “And I believe what you told him. You've changed so much, Bowser—at one time, you were going to kill me just to hurt Mario. . . but now, I'd trust you with my life.”

“Yeah, well. You've changed a lot too,” Bowser told him. “You're braver than you give yourself credit for.”

Despite the grateful look in his lovely blue eyes, Luigi countered in a self-deprecating way, “I am not. I'm scared of ghosts in a movie. Which, uh, we're missing, by the way. . . .” He turned his head to look at the TV, until Bowser grasped his chin and turned it back to face him. Luigi flushed, and stayed flushed when Bowser didn't let him go and instead stroked his cheek with his thumb.

“Screw the movie,” murmured Bowser. “And you can be brave and scared at the same time. Luigi, if you weren't brave, you wouldn't have protected Mario from me that first time. You wouldn't have fought back against me, Super Star or no Super Star. I might not see eye to eye with Sparky about much, and not just 'cause he's so damn short. But he's right about one thing: you aren't a coward. If you were, you wouldn't have stood up in that meeting and told those Bob-ombs they were wrong about each other.”

Luigi's smile had grown as Bowser spoke, and when he finally shut up, the plumber said softly, “Thank you for saying that, Bowser. It—it means a lot to me to hear it. Especially coming from you. I wasn't sure you were even listening during the meeting.”

“Yeah, I was. I heard everything you said, especially about trusting and forgiving someone after they've hurt you, and about not being scared anymore.” Bowser drew Luigi a little closer by his chin and murmured, “You were talking about me, weren't you?”

Luigi nodded and whispered, “Yeah. I do trust you, like I said. And. . . and I forgive you. For what you did to me—and for what you did to Mario, too. I can't excuse it, but I can forgive it because I know you thought he was what was keeping Princess Peach from loving you. And if you can't be happy without her. . . then I can understand why you did what you did.”

“Thanks. I really did think that for a long time, that I couldn't be happy without her. So I kept on kidnapping her and trying to make her love me. . . .” Bowser let his hand drop from Luigi's face to rest on his shoulder instead as he looked away and sighed at his own stupidity. “Even after I realized I wasn't in love with her anymore, 'cause I didn't know what else to do. I guess I was hoping it'd still make me happy to have her as my queen. Or something, I dunno.

“But then what you said yesterday, about finding other things that make me happy. . . like being around Junior, and music and stuff. . . . Well, you're right. Even if I have to spend the rest of my life without a partner, I don't have to be unhappy.”

When he finally looked at Luigi again, the smaller man was staring at him with a weird look on his face. Bowser had no idea why until Luigi stammered, “W-wait, you. . . you're not in love with Princess Peach anymore?”

“Uh. . . no?” Bowser raised an eyebrow in amusement at Luigi's shock over something Bowser had thought was obvious. And people always act like I'm oblivious! he thought.

“But. . . you. . . wh-when? When did that change?”

Bowser shrugged and said, “I dunno. Like. . . a year ago, maybe? It took me a while to realize it, but you know that time I stole those Power Stars and had Kamek turn all the paintings into warps so I could hide the stars in 'em?”

“Uh, yeah, kind of hard to forget,” muttered Luigi. “That's what started the whole Bob-omb war, because you gave King Bob-omb a Power Star and he used it to take over the red Bob-ombs' settlement at River Mountain.”

“Hey, you can't blame me for what he did with it!” Bowser argued. “But anyway, when I broke in to Peach's castle and she started screaming about how awful I am like she always does, that's when I figured it out: I didn't love her anymore. Like, I guess there's only so much rejection a guy can take before those feelings just. . . die. I'd planned to kidnap her again, but instead, I just stuck her behind that big-ass stained glass window so I wouldn't have to listen to her bitching. I went after her a couple more times after that, but then I gave up. You didn't even notice that I haven't been around in months?”

“Erm, I noticed, but we all thought that was just because you were plotting something,” admitted Luigi as he lifted his eyes back to Bowser's. “And when you sent those Koopas to get me yesterday, I thought that was part of the 'something.' I misjudged you, Bowser. . . I'm sorry.”

Bowser had never expected to get an apology from Luigi for anything, and it left him a little nonplussed. He mumbled, “Uh, that's okay. I mean, I never gave you much reason to think anything different.”

“Well, you have now. I'm glad.” Luigi smiled and added, “And I'm glad you've gotten over Princess Peach. Surprised, but glad.”

That sounded promising, and Bowser lifted his eyebrow again with a slight smirk as he prompted, “Yeah? Glad, hunh?”

Luigi promptly flushed again and explained, “I-I mean, I'm glad you're not miserable anymore. I don't want you to be unhappy. A-and if you've stopped trying to kidnap her and all, that's good too.”

“Unh hunh.” Bowser studied Luigi's blushing cheeks and averted eyes before deciding just to go for it. As much as Bowser hated being rejected, Luigi would certainly be nicer about it than Peach had always been. . . and considering that Luigi was still sitting there in Bowser's arms, rejection didn't exactly seem inevitable.

So Bowser went on, “I still got a thing for princesses and all, but I've finally figured out that Peaches isn't the right princess for me. Guess my princess has been in another castle all along.”

Luigi finally looked at him again, now with a bewildered expression. “'Another castle'? What are you talking about—”

He broke off and drew in a sharp, audible breath when Bowser leaned down to whisper directly in his ear, “Princess Luigi.”

Bowser waited without moving. A full five seconds passed before Luigi breathed, “Th-that—that isn't funny.”

“Good,” Bowser murmured, lips brushing Luigi's ear. “Because it's not s'posed to be.”

Luigi again drew his head back far enough to be able to look up into Bowser's eyes. Luigi's own eyes were wide and his cheeks still flushed, and for a second, Bowser wondered if he'd misread some signals. It wouldn't be the first time. But then Luigi's gaze dropped to the king's mouth. Luigi swallowed hard, licked his lips. . . and leaned up to press them to Bowser's.

Bowser wasn't expecting it. He'd been the one to kiss Luigi first both times earlier that morning, and he'd planned on doing it again now if Luigi reacted favorably to his confession. He certainly wasn't complaining, though. He tightened his hold on the smaller man and pulled him closer as they kissed deeper until Luigi suddenly broke the kiss, breathing hard.

“Hey, don't stop now,” Bowser complained until Luigi panted an explanation.

“I-I know Mario said he won't be home any time soon, but um. . . maybe we shouldn't do this where he could walk right in on us, just in case. We could, uh, g-go to—to my room. . . .”

Pleased Luigi didn't want to stop and even more pleased that he wanted to go somewhere more private, Bowser chuckled, “Heh, that's probably a good idea. Don't think he'd be too thrilled to walk in on his nemesis making out with his little bro.”

Luigi nodded awkwardly, turned off the TV and the unfinished movie, and started to get up, but Bowser stood up first without letting go of him, sweeping the smaller man up into the “princess carry” Bowser had tried the day before. Luigi squawked and clung to him even though Bowser was in no danger of dropping him, which was just fine with Bowser. Although he had at first been dismayed by how much bigger his human body was than everyone else's, he'd come to appreciate the contrast between his size and Luigi's, especially when Luigi held on to him like that.

Bowser carried him to Luigi's room, kicking the door closed behind them, and laid the smaller man down on the bed, on his back. When Luigi protested, “You didn't have to put me on the bed,” Bowser grinned and got up there with him, leaning over him with a knee on each side of the plumber's thighs, and his hands braced on the bed parallel to Luigi's shoulders.

“Well, when I kidnap princesses, I treat 'em right,” Bowser teased as he looked down at Luigi. “Can't just drop you on the floor, and I don't see anywhere else in here to put you! Besides, you look real good like this.  If Peach is really gonna make you 'Envoy to the Darklands,' I think you're in the perfect position to negotiate with the king.”

He lowered his head to capture Luigi's mouth, earning him a rather desperate-sounding moan from the “envoy” who then wrapped his arms around Bowser's neck and kissed him back deeply.

Bowser chuckled and murmured, “Yeah, you like this kind of negotiation, don't you? It's a lot more fun than sitting around talking, right?”

“Y-yeah,” Luigi breathed. Then he half-lowered his lashes over his wide blue eyes that usually seemed so innocent and taunted with what was almost a smirk, “Maybe I should start conducting all my negotiations for the princess like this. You're not the only stubborn king she has to deal with, you know.”

Even though Bowser knew Luigi wasn't serious, the thought made him jealous, especially when he remembered how admiringly King Bob-omb had spoken of Luigi earlier. Bowser growled, “That's just too fuckin' bad for Peaches, and those other kings too, 'cause you're my envoy now!”

He dropped his head to kiss Luigi's mouth again possessively, then nuzzled his neck as he breathed in the plumber's scent like he'd wanted to that morning. Luigi made a sort of whimpering sound and tilted his head back, giving Bowser better access to his neck. The gesture conveyed to Bowser just how much Luigi trusted him: the man who had once cowered in fear before the Koopa king was now lying under him, exposing his throat completely and leaving it totally vulnerable to attack.

Bowser attacked it all right—with his mouth, kissing and licking Luigi's smooth, pale skin. It didn't stay smooth for long, breaking out into goosebumps at the first touch of Bowser's tongue as Luigi whimpered again, then downright whined with pleasure. Bowser laughed and shifted his mouth to the side of the smaller man's neck, nibbling it in between kisses.

“Mmn, you taste so damn good!” the king breathed before giving Luigi's neck a playful nip.

Luigi squeaked, “B-bowser!” at that. Hearing his name excited Bowser further, and he nipped a little harder.

“Ahh!” yelped Luigi, squeezing Bowser's shoulders more tightly in his arms.

“Yeah, you like that?” Bowser hissed against his neck.

Luigi gasped, “Y-yes! But—but don't leave any marks, please! If Mario saw. . . .”

Blast that Mario! Bowser thought, meaning it literally. Now that Luigi had mentioned it, Bowser wanted to leave bite marks and hickeys all over his princess's neck where anyone could see them—claiming his territory. But he wasn't going to do something Luigi didn't want, especially something Luigi explicitly asked him not to do, so he drew back and sat up with a sigh. . . until his eyes drifted downward over the plumber's still-fully-clothed body.

“Hmm. . . what about where Mario can't see?” Bowser proposed with a sudden grin.

“Uh. . . wh-where, exactly?” gulped Luigi, staring up at him with those eyes all innocent again.

“Heh, just your chest,” suggested Bowser. “I wanna see it anyway!”

Luigi averted his gaze and mumbled, “No, you don't. It's too thin—I don't have muscles like you do.”

Bowser argued, “Hey, don't be shy. You're the one who kept telling me humans come in all shapes and shit! Here, I'll take my shirt off too so you won't feel awkward about it.” He grasped the bottom hem of his tight shirt and pulled it up over his head, somehow managing to wriggle out of it without tearing it. As he tossed it to the floor, Luigi's eyes flicked over his bare torso and then got stuck there.

“That—that makes me feel more awkward than ever,” he stammered. “You're so. . . so. . . .”

“So what?” Bowser prompted, smirking. “So hot?”

“I-I was going to say 'big.'” Luigi finally dragged his eyes up to Bowser's face as he murmured, “Um, are you this muscular as a Koopa? It's kind of hard to tell just by looking, with the scales and all. . . .”

“Oh yeah, it's all muscle!” Bowser bragged. “We're shaped different from humans so my muscles don't look the same, but if you felt 'em, you'd know how built I am!”

When Luigi just mumbled, “Oh,” Bowser realized that the plumber so much as touching him in Koopa form, much less feeling up his muscles, was not bloody likely. Trying not to think about that, he asked, “So? You've seen my chest, so can I see yours now?”

“Oh, all right,” Luigi sighed. He reached up to unbutton one strap of his overalls, and Bowser impatiently went for the other one, yanking the overalls down to Luigi's waist as soon as the straps were free. This accomplished, he grabbed the plumber's green shirt before Luigi could and pulled it up.

“Hey, give me a chance,” Luigi grumbled, squirming to tug his shirt off over his head. Bowser was too distracted staring at his body to reply. Luigi's chest was a lot thinner than his own, without visible muscles, but Bowser found it perfect anyway. He trailed a fingertip over Luigi's prominent collarbone then down his sternum, making the smaller man shiver.

Bowser grinned and said appreciatively, “Very nice. But I was wondering something. . . why do human guys have these?” He flicked one of Luigi's nipples, which for some reason made the plumber squeak again. “I know female mammals have them to feed their young, but they don't do anything on us, right? So what's the point?”

“I-I, I don't know!” Luigi huffed. His face had turned really red again, and he refused to look at Bowser as he muttered, “You'd have to ask a biologist or something.”

“It's just real weird!” Bowser rambled on. “I've figured out what everything else on my body is for, just not the nipples—hey wait, yours got all stiff when I touched it! What the hell. . . .” He rubbed his thumb over the nipple he'd flicked, and Luigi whimpered.

Frowning in concern, Bowser asked, “Like, is it supposed to do that? Did I hurt you?”

“N-no, it, it doesn't hurt,” mumbled Luigi. “They're. . . they do that. They get hard sometimes, like—like when humans are cold, for instance.”

“Oh. Are you cold? I'm not cold—in fact, it feels pretty warm in here to me, but—”

Luigi interrupted him rather testily, “No, I'm not cold! It's because you touched me there, okay? To most humans, touching their nipples feels really good, and that makes them get hard.”

“Ohhhh,” drawled Bowser. “Like how my dick gets hard when I touch that?”

“Erm, I suppose. . . .”

“So's that what they're for on guys? Just to feel good? Humans are fuckin' weird, man,” Bowser chuckled. He eyed Luigi's nipples, then with a smirk rubbed his thumbs in circles over both of them at once. “So this feels good, hunh?”

It was a rhetorical question, since he could tell that it did. Both of Luigi's nipples stiffened under Bowser's thumbs, and the smaller man closed his eyes with a gasp of pleasure.

“Nngh, y-yes!” Luigi panted.

Bowser glanced down at the visible bulge forming in the bottom half of Luigi's overalls and snickered, “It must feel real good 'cause your dick's getting hard. I wanna see that too, but first—don't think I forgot the whole reason I wanted your shirt off in the first place!”

“Why was that—oh!” Luigi made the cute squeaking sound again when, still massaging his nipples firmly, Bowser leaned down and lightly bit at the plumber's collarbone.

“You said I could mark you up, remember? As long as it's where Mario won't see?”

“I never said you could!” Luigi argued. “I just said not to do it on my neck. . . ahh. . . .” His protests trailed off when Bowser kissed the spot he'd just nipped, rubbing his tongue over the skin.

“Please?” Bowser persisted as he dotted more kisses over Luigi's chest. “You'd look so good with my marks on you—and if anyone else tries to negotiate with you, they'll see them and know to keep their hands off my envoy!”

As he spoke, Bowser gently pinched both nipples, making Luigi squirm and cry, “A-ah! Go on then—do it, just don't stop touching me. Please!”

“Mmn, don't you worry your pretty head about that. . . .” Bowser sank his teeth into Luigi's right pec just above his nipple, not hard enough to break the skin but certainly hard enough to make an impressive bite mark in the pale flesh, which Bowser admired when he lifted his head.

“Perfect!” he growled. “Let's see Peaches try to marry you off now that I've claimed you! I think you need one more, though. . . .” He pressed his mouth to Luigi's collarbone again and sucked a hickey on it. Luigi liked the sensation judging from how he moaned, which gave Bowser the bright idea of giving it to him somewhere more sensitive.

He let go of Luigi's left nipple and replaced his fingers with his mouth, first licking the stiffened flesh then closing his lips over it and sucking. Luigi made a sound Bowser had never heard him make before, something between a groan and a wail. After a few seconds, Bowser switched sides and gave the other nipple the same treatment, causing Luigi to writhe and cry out his name in what sounded like ecstasy.

Nevertheless, in another moment, Luigi grasped a handful of Bowser's long hair and tugged, pulling his mouth away from his nipple as he panted, “P-please, stop! I can't take anymore!” Bowser lifted his head and looked down into Luigi's flushed face and widely dilated eyes.

“But it felt good, didn't it?” he asked in confusion.

“Y-yeah, that's the problem. It felt too good,” Luigi tried to explain with a weak smile. “I don't know how sensitive Koopa bodies are, but human bodies don't always handle really intense sensations very well. Or at least, mine doesn't. No one's ever done that to me before, so. . . .”

“Good,” Bowser stated emphatically. “But nothing I've done to myself has felt so intense I couldn't take it. Maybe it's just you that's so sensitive—or maybe I'm just real tough!”

Luigi narrowed his eyes slightly at the boast and muttered, “Let's just see about that. If you didn't know nipples could feel good, that means you've never touched yours, right?”

“Uh, right. . . ?”

With an unusually determined expression, Luigi suddenly reached up his hands to pinch both of Bowser's nipples simultaneously. The resulting sensation felt like a lightning bolt of pleasure shooting from the former Koopa's chest directly to his dick. That was already hard with his excitement over what he'd been doing to Luigi, but now it felt like it got even harder (which was far from comfortable in his blasted tight jeans).

“Erk!” squawked Bowser, and Luigi smirked in vindication.

“See?”

Not to be bested so easily, Bowser countered, “Yeah, it feels good, but I can handle a lot more than that!”

“Hmph.” To the king's dismay, Luigi wriggled out from under him and stood up, yet then allayed Bowser's fears that it was all over by gesturing at the bed and commanded, “Lie down on your back, and we'll find out just how much you can handle, your majesty.”

As much as he'd enjoyed dominating Luigi, Bowser felt a surprising thrill at being ordered around, sort of like the pet Peach had declared him to be. He decided to play along and see where this led, thus obeying without protest and taking Luigi's place on the bed. In turn, the plumber took Bowser's position, now kneeling over his thighs.

Luigi did look a little embarrassed then, appearing to take a deep breath to steady his nerves. After that, he leaned down and gave Bowser's left nipple a tentative lick.

“Oh fuck!” the former Koopa groaned, marveling at the sensitivity of his new body. How could such a small touch feel so damn good? Luigi chuckled and licked the nipple again, then closed his lips over it and sucked on it the way Bowser had done to his. The sensation was like nothing the former Koopa had ever felt before, completely different from getting his dick sucked (which hadn't happened in way too long). It was intense yet tantalizing, making him crave more stimulation, and he wondered how the hell Luigi could ever get too much of it.

Bowser found out. Luigi, he discovered, could be merciless when he wanted to be. He alternated between both of Bowser's nipples, switching among sucking them, flicking them with his tongue, and even biting them, though not too hard. At first, Bowser reveled in the pleasure he felt, yet his nipples grew more and more sensitive with the continued stimulation, and that pleasure grew more and more intense until it was nearly torture.

When Luigi next bit at his nipple, Bowser's back arched and he cried out, “Princess!” in a mixture of agony and ecstasy. He'd called Luigi that without thinking, probably because he'd done the same while masturbating. Even though Luigi had agreed to the nickname, now he faltered in his actions when Bowser moaned it, making the king wonder for an instant if Luigi didn't like it after all.

But then he started sucking again, and all of Bowser's conscious thought fled. His untouched dick was throbbing like he needed to come, yet even as strong as the pleasure from his nipples felt, he couldn't orgasm from it. And while Bowser could handle pure pain quite well, what Luigi was doing to him gave him something like pain and pleasure all at the same time—and soon, like Luigi, Bowser couldn't take anymore.

“Ah, shit, stop!” he wailed, clutching Luigi's slender shoulders in his big hands to push the smaller man away. Luigi did stop immediately, but he looked awfully smug as he sat up and smirked down at his conquest.

“Too much, right?” he taunted. Panting, Bowser regarded his aching nipples, which were swollen and flushed a deep red-brown, then glared up into Luigi's eyes. A slightly apprehensive look flickered through them, like Luigi thought maybe he'd pushed Bowser too far—especially when Bowser suddenly reached up and cuffed a hand over the back of Luigi's head.

Yet that was only to pull the smaller man down so Bowser could kiss him fiercely before growling against his lips, “My princess. . . you drive me fucking crazy.”

“H-ha. . . ,” Luigi breathed. He returned Bowser's kiss, rather more softly than it had been given, then pulled back enough to look down into the king's eyes as he spoke hesitantly. “Um. . . Bowser. . . ?”

“Yeah?” the larger man murmured.

“Am—am I the only one you call 'princess'? I've only ever heard you call Peach 'Peach,' or 'Peaches,' so. . . .”

A little abashed, Bowser said, “Heh. . . guess you're right. Yeah, I don't ever call her 'princess,' or even 'Princess Peach.'”

Oddly persistent, Luigi demanded, “So when you say 'princess,' you always mean me?”

“Uh, yeah. . . ?” Bowser furrowed his brow and asked, “Why're you asking? Did you change your mind, and you want me to stop?”

“No! No, it's not that,” said Luigi quickly. “It's just. . . when I was, um, doing things to you, you cried out, 'Princess!' and I thought maybe that—that you were imagining I was Peach, instead of me.”

Bowser almost laughed at the absurdity of that idea, but he didn't when he saw the way Luigi was looking at him. Still, he couldn't help but sound incredulous as he exclaimed, “What? Hell no! I can't even start to imagine Peaches doing something like that to me. I don't think I've ever thought about her like that—in a sexy way, I mean. It would've felt. . . I dunno, wrong.”

“But it doesn't feel wrong when you think about me like that?” asked Luigi.

“No, it doesn't. It feels. . . it feels right,” Bowser murmured. “Even though I've never been with a guy before—not just a human guy but any guy—this feels right. So when I say 'princess,' I definitely mean you. And only you.”

“Oh,” said Luigi—a simple response, but Luigi's big smile as he said it told Bowser a lot more than any words could.

–

to be continued

Chapter Text

Bowser pulled Luigi back down for more kissing, sliding his arms around the plumber's back and holding him against his broad chest. His bare skin felt hot against Luigi's. . . and his hard dick felt enormous against Luigi's, even through two layers of denim. As they kissed, Bowser's hips twitched upward to thrust against the smaller man, making Luigi shudder with pleasure.

He felt Bowser's large hands trail over his back and sides, then down to where his overalls were bunched around his waist. The king broke the kiss to ask playfully, “So can we take these off the rest of the way now?”

All of Luigi's inhibitions and feelings of inadequacy fell squarely back into place at the thought of Bowser seeing him naked, especially the parts of his anatomy that were much smaller than the former Koopa's. He stammered, “I-I, uh. . . don't know.”

“Aww c'mon, you've seen all of me,” Bowser cajoled.

“Th-that's different,” gulped Luigi. “You're used to being naked. I'm—I'm not. And I'm even more different from you, uh, down there than I am in the chest. . . .”

To his humiliation, Bowser chuckled, “Heh, you worried 'cause your dick's a lot smaller than mine?”

“Precisely,” mumbled Luigi.

Bowser let go of his waist with one hand and cupped his cheek instead, making Luigi look at him as he replied, “Don't be. I'm bigger than you everywhere—and bigger than most humans everywhere, right?” When Luigi nodded, Bowser smiled—gently, for him—and told him, “Seriously, don't worry. You don't got to take it all off if you don't wanna, but I really wanna see where those sexy legs of yours lead to. . . and I'm sure I'm gonna like it.”

Luigi smiled in spite of himself and finally acquiesced, “I, erm. . . o-okay.”

Bowser's smile turned into a grin, and he immediately grabbed Luigi's overalls again and began working them and his shorts down. Despite his reassurances, Luigi gritted his teeth with nerves as he wriggled his hips to get his clothes past them, then sat up to pull the garments all the way off. He was left straddling Bowser's thighs, completely naked.

When Luigi risked a glance at Bowser's face and saw the way the larger man was staring, he covered his own face with both hands and groaned, “This is so embarrassing. No one's seen me naked since I was a little kid!”

“Lucky me, then,” Bowser said with a definite leer in his voice. Luigi wasn't so certain it wasn't the mocking kind of leer rather than the admiring kind until he felt Bowser's hands on his hips, slowly rubbing them up and down as the king murmured, “Damn but you're pretty.”

Luigi peeked out from between two of his fingers and asked, “Er. . . really?”

“Fuck yeah. Beautiful,” declared Bowser. He trailed his fingertips over Luigi's abdomen, coming tantalizingly close to his hard cock without touching it. When Luigi gave an involuntary whimper and squirmed, Bowser laughed.

“Want something, princess?” he teased.

With his face still hidden behind his hands, Luigi nodded.

“Then you're gonna have to tell me what that is,” taunted Bowser. “I ain't a mind reader, you know, 'specially when it comes to humans.”

Luigi took a deep breath, let his hands fall to his sides, and mumbled without meeting Bowser's eyes, “Touch me. . . please.”

“I am touching you!” Bowser gave his hips a little squeeze to demonstrate, then laughed again at the frustrated look Luigi gave him. “Where d'you want me to touch you?”

Try as he might, Luigi just didn't have it in him to say the words. Instead, he gave Bowser a flat look as he grasped the king's hand and yanked it over to put it directly on his dick. Bowser smirked.

“Ooh, I like it when you're assertive. . . .” He wrapped his long fingers around Luigi's erection and squeezed it, earning a gasp from Luigi in response. It was the first time he'd felt any hand on him there besides his own, and it was even more pleasurable than he'd imagined it could be. Bowser began to stroke him firmly and Luigi closed his eyes again, this time in bliss.

“M-mamma mia. . . ,” he breathed. “Bowser, that—that feels so good!”

“Yeah? Well that's great, 'cause I been thinking about it for a while now,” Bowser said in a low voice, almost a growl, “wondering what it'd be like to make it with a man. . . a human man. Didn't know if I'd like it or not, touching another guy's dick and all. But. . . .” He tugged on Luigi's cock, making Luigi squeak, and declared, “Turns out I do.”

“L-lucky m-me,” panted Luigi, echoing Bowser's own words. Bowser grinned and started pumping him more rapidly, until Luigi gasped again and grabbed his hand, pulling it off his erection. “S-stop. . . .”

Bowser raised an eyebrow. “Something wrong?”

“I, um. . . .” Luigi's already flushed face turned redder as he mumbled, “I felt like I was gonna come if you didn't stop.”

“Don't want the fun to be over so soon, hunh? Neither do I. . . .” Bowser reached down to unfasten his own jeans, revealing some altogether-too-small underwear.

“I guess Toad really did underestimate how, ah. . . big you are,” Luigi observed.

Bowser grumbled, “You ain't kidding. Shit's been crushing my dick all day. Hop up so I can get 'em off!”

Luigi laughed and stood up, yet the laugh died in his throat when he saw the massive erection that was revealed when Bowser pulled down his jeans and underwear. As big as Bowser's cock had looked the day before, it seemed twice as large now.

Bowser smirked at Luigi's reaction and smacked his own thighs as he ordered, “Get back up here! You promised you'd help me with this human body, so c'mon and help!” Luigi gulped but climbed back up to straddle Bowser again. He yelped when Bowser locked his arms around his waist and pulled Luigi down against him.

“Fuck yeah, much better,” Bowser hissed. “And yeah, I definitely like touching another guy's dick, 'specially with mine.” He punctuated that declaration with a hard thrust up against Luigi.

“Ooh!” squeaked Luigi. “Wh-what made you start thinking about it? I mean, about doing this with a human man? You don't even know any human men besides Mario and me, do you?”

“Nope,” said Bowser, smirking. “Didn't even know there were human men 'til I saw you for the first time—I thought humans were all girls, like Peaches and Princess Daisy. I got to wondering just how different you guys are from me. Never wanted to think too hard about Mario, but the more times I saw you, the more I wondered about it. And I guess one thought just led to another, y'know?”

The king had kept thrusting against Luigi as he spoke, albeit more gently than before, and Luigi's mind was so hazy with pleasure that it took him a minute to process what Bowser was saying. When it did finally sink in, he stared down at Bowser in surprise.

“Wait, you mean—when you were thinking about getting with a human guy, you were thinking about me?”

“Well like I just said, I wasn't thinking about your stupid brother, and like you just said, I don't know anyone else!” retorted Bowser a bit defensively. “I was just curious, is all. It's not like I expected it to ever actually happen.”

“Me either. . . ,” Luigi murmured. He could scarcely believe that Bowser had really thought about being with him, even just out of curiosity. He hadn't imagined that Bowser ever thought about him at all. It gave Luigi the courage to continue, “But now that it has, we. . . we should make the most of it, right?”

Bowser smiled up at him and whispered back, “Right.” He cuffed a hand over the back of Luigi's head and pulled it down to kiss him again, then tightened his other arm around the smaller man and rolled them both over, reversing their positions so that Luigi found himself on his back, pinned to the bed by Bowser's weight.

“Mmph!” Luigi moaned, making Bowser laugh after breaking the kiss.

“Ha! You like it when I'm assertive, don't ya? Guess we'll just have to take turns—sometimes I'll be your pet, but right now I'm your king, and you're my captive princess!” He gave Luigi a rather predatory grin that made the plumber shiver with nervous anticipation of whatever it was Bowser had in mind.

He asked breathlessly, “Wh-what are you going to do with your captive, King Bowser?”

That predatory grin grew a little as Bowser exclaimed, “Fuck yeah, call me king! And as for what I'm gonna do to you. . . .”

The king tilted his head to the side and pressed his mouth to Luigi's ear, growling as he nipped at it.

“I'm gonna do terrible things to you, princess—like eat you alive!” Bowser trailed kisses down Luigi's neck, which turned to soft bites when he reached the plumber's chest. Luigi whimpered with pleasure as Bowser nibbled, caressed, and licked his skin, sometimes teasing his nipples with his lips. He'd never imagined that Bowser would be so attentive a lover; instead, Luigi would have assumed that the Koopa would only be concerned with his own pleasure.

“Mm, you taste delicious,” Bowser breathed. He lifted his head from Luigi's upper abdomen to look up at him. “You like this?”

“Yes!” panted Luigi. “More, please!”

Bowser smiled at the confirmation but then teased, “Remember what I said about not being a mind reader? Use your words, Princess Luigi—tell me what you want, and I just might give it to you.”

“Anything!” Luigi blurted out. “Kiss me, bite me—I don't care, just don't stop!”

“Yeah? You're desperate for it, aren't you?” taunted Bowser. He dotted kisses down Luigi's stomach, stopping just above his waist, then went on, “Everyone thinks you're so sweet and innocent, but you got another side to you, don't you? That feisty side I like so much. . . and I'm the only one who can give that side what you need!”

The former Koopa slid a little further down the bed, putting Luigi's erection right in front of him, and trailed a fingertip up the underside. Luigi squeaked and twitched at his touch, and Bowser laughed, “Yeah, that's it, lemme hear how much you need me! Y'know, I bet your dick tastes even better than the rest of you, so. . . is that what you want?”

If Luigi hadn't imagined Bowser being considerate in bed, the idea of him doing that was beyond Luigi's wildest dreams. He pushed himself up on his elbows to stare down at Bowser as he stammered, “Y-you—you'd do that?”

Bowser smirked. “Do what?”

“Put your mouth on me. . . um, there.”

“Depends,” Bowser said with a shrug of one shoulder. “Is that what you want? Does the heroic princess of Brooklyn want the big bad king of the Koopas to suck his dick?”

Luigi flushed and gulped, “Um, y-yes.”

“Heh, well. I'll do it—on one condition.”

“Wh-what?”

“Tell me I'm your king!” demanded Bowser. “Your loyalty may lie with Peach out there, but tell me that here in bed, it belongs to me!”

Luigi cried immediately, “Yes! You're my king—I don't want anyone but you, King Bowser! I—” He broke off and literally bit his tongue before he said something stupid like “I love you.” For one thing, that would be certain to scare Bowser off, and for another, it couldn't be true. Luigi had only spent a little more than a day with Bowser, and you couldn't go from feeling nothing for someone to being in love with him in just a day. You couldn't.

(Although. . . had he really felt absolutely nothing before yesterday? Had it been nothing but fear that made his heart beat faster whenever he'd encountered Bowser over the past two years? Had it been mere disgust that made him shiver all the times he'd recalled the way Bowser's touch had felt on his face when the king stroked it, the day they met? Had it been only righteous indignation on Peach's behalf that made him burn inside every time Bowser professed his love for her?)

Fortunately, before Luigi's inner questions could spiral into a panic, Bowser responded to his declaration with another leer, “That's it, that's what I wanna hear—that I'm yours, and you're mine. So now I'll give you what you need, and find out if this pretty dick of yours tastes as good as it looks!”

He flicked his tongue out for a brief taste of the head of Luigi's cock, and Luigi bit his tongue all over again to keep from literally squealing. Just that one small touch felt incredible, and it felt even better when Bowser licked him again, this time dragging his tongue all the way up Luigi's length from base to tip.

“Oh my God,” Luigi panted, quivering. “D-do it again—King Bowser. Please!”

“Mmm, your wish is my command, princess,” Bowser purred. He kept licking a moment, then made Luigi gasp when he took the whole head between his lips. Luigi made inarticulate, “hnnng” sort of noises as the king sucked on the end of his dick, apparently swallowing the precum leaking steadily from it.

Luigi watched him in amazement as Bowser went down on him, lowering his head after a minute to take more of the shaft into his mouth until he was sucking about half of the plumber's cock. Judging from the eager noises he was making, Bowser was enjoying it almost as much as Luigi was.

It was the most pleasurable sensation Luigi had ever felt before in his life, and he had to resist the urge to start thrusting his hips, afraid of hurting Bowser by going in too deep. Yet he felt more than purely physical pleasure; the sight of Bowser devoting himself to satisfying Luigi's desire filled the plumber with affection.

Luigi reached out a shaky hand and laced his fingers into Bowser's long red hair, stroking it back from his face. Bowser opened his eyes at the touch and lifted them to Luigi's with a sultry expression that nearly had Luigi thrusting in spite of his best efforts. He kept petting the king's hair as the sensations he felt grew more and more intense, until Luigi gasped again and warned Bowser, “I-I think I'm gonna come if you don't stop!”

He seriously doubted Bowser would let him come in his mouth; therefore, he wasn't surprised when Bowser did stop, letting Luigi's dick slip from his mouth as he sat up, breathing hard with saliva running down to his chin until he wiped it off with the back of his hand. Luigi's eyes fell on the former Koopa's erection—and the precum it was leaking—and wondered if he was up to reciprocating.

Noticing where Luigi's gaze was directed, Bowser wrapped his hand around his own dick and stroked it suggestively as he chuckled, “Wanna return the favor?”

“I, um. . . .”

“Aww, c'mon,” cajoled the former Koopa. “If I'm gonna learn everything about being human, I gotta know what it feels like to have my human dick sucked, right?”

Luigi retorted, “Not necessarily! I went my whole life without knowing what it felt like, until just now.”

“Yeah, well, we can take care of each other then,” replied Bowser, giving him another sultry look. “You help me learn what this body can do, and I'll help you out. Everything you've always wanted to do. . . now you got a boyfriend to do it with, right? I may not have any experience with humans or other guys, but I think I'm catching on pretty quick—and there's a lotta shit I do have experience with, that I think you'll like even though you're not the gender and species I practiced on.”

That was several overwhelming statements delivered all at once, most notably that Bowser had called himself Luigi's boyfriend.

Pretend boyfriend, right? Luigi thought with a hard swallow. Surely that's what he meant. . . .

Aloud, he stammered, “I-I, uh—I'd like to, er, help. But I've never even touched another guy's, um. . . .” He decided he might as well make himself say it. “. . .dick before, much less sucked one. Let me start a little slower, okay?”

“Heh, sure. You can start wherever you want—and stop wherever you want,” Bowser said more quietly. “I'd fucking love to feel those soft lips of yours on my cock. . . but I'm probably gonna love anything you do to me, and I don't want you doing anything if you're not loving it too.”

“Thanks,” murmured Luigi with a sincere smile. He reached for Bowser's erection (his hand still shaking a little) and wrapped his hand around the shaft. The tips of his thumb and fingers could barely touch as he slowly drew his hand up and down.

Bowser growled, “Ahh, fuck,” and his cock twitched in Luigi's hand as he watched what the plumber was doing.

“Does that feel good?” Luigi asked, although it clearly did. Stroking another guy's dick instead of his own was a little awkward at first, but Luigi soon got used to it and started pumping Bowser more firmly, the way he jerked himself off.

“Ah, shit yeah!” enthused the former Koopa, rocking his hips up to thrust into Luigi's fist. “I haven't had a handjob in too damn long—it feels great!”

Luigi saw the chance to get his earlier question answered, of whether Bowser had been sleeping with anyone while pursuing Peach. Trying to sound casual, he asked, “You don't have anyone to do this for you?”

“N-nah,” panted Bowser, growing more breathless as Luigi stroked him. The tip of his cock was starting to leak precum that ran down his shaft, and Luigi was able to go faster with the added lubrication. “I mean, I could've found someone, heh—there's plenty of Koopas who'd give their shells to be the king's lover!”

Luigi didn't doubt that that was true, but he pretended to be skeptical. “Oh really? Then why's it been so long?”

Bowser gave him a glare, which didn't have the effect he probably intended since it was interrupted when the king moaned.

“Nngh, fuck, you're damn good at this to have never done it before! Hold off, I don't wanna get too close yet. . . .” When Luigi let him go, flexing his stiff fingers, Bowser went on, “It's been so long 'cause. . . well, I used to fuck a lot, when I was younger. Toned it down some after Junior hatched, and then when I fell for Peaches, I quit altogether. Thought she might not wanna marry me if she heard I was banging a different girl every night, y'know?”

“No kidding,” grumbled Luigi. “But if you're not in love with her anymore, why didn't you start having sex again?”

Bowser huffed and looked away as he muttered, “I dunno. Just never got back in the habit, I guess.”

It made Luigi a little suspicious that maybe Bowser had lied about no longer having feelings for Peach. . . until he realized that if Bowser did still love her, he probably wouldn't be in bed with her boyfriend's brother. Relaxing, he said wryly, “Then I guess I should be flattered that you chose me to end the dry spell.”

Bowser relaxed too and chuckled before replying, “You should consider it a damn honor. First person I've fooled around with in years, and the first guy I've ever fooled around with? You should feel real special, princess.”

“I do,” murmured Luigi before he could think better of it. Bowser looked startled, and Luigi quickly bantered, “And so should you! You're the first person I've done just about anything with, so you should be really flattered.”

Bowser stayed quiet for a beat then said seriously, “I am, believe me. Whatever happens, I'm never gonna forget being with you like this. Making the most of it, like you said.”

Luigi swallowed past the lump that had suddenly risen to his throat—mostly at the “whatever happens” part—and mumbled, “Me either,” as he leaned up and wrapped his arms around Bowser's broad shoulders to hug him tightly. Bowser gripped Luigi's waist in his own arms, pulling him closer, and caught his mouth in another kiss. Luigi participated in the kiss with great enthusiasm, and a muffled noise of surprise when Bowser abruptly pulled him back down to the bed, again with Luigi under him.

Feeling the king's weight on him, and the king's erection against his, thrilled Luigi, and he thrust up against Bowser unconsciously as they kept kissing. Bowser gave a muffled laugh into his mouth and pressed his hips down to grind on Luigi at the same time. The pleasure of their wet dicks rubbing together made Luigi forget a lot of his inhibitions, and he spread his legs and hooked his ankles around Bowser's waist to feel as much of the larger man against him as possible.

Bowser grunted as they ground and thrust against each other, still kissing until Luigi turned his head aside to pant, “I-I can't—I'm gonna come!”

Bowser pressed his lips to Luigi's ear and growled, “Fuck yeah! Come for your king, princess!” He slammed his hips into Luigi's and held him down against the bed as Luigi came with a wail, bucking his own hips as he ejaculated between them. Feeling the smaller man climax under him seemed to drive Bowser crazy, and he thrust against Luigi harder and faster, the way Luigi imagined Bowser would do it if he were actually fucking him. A few seconds later, Bowser roared something incoherent as he shot what felt like an enormous amount of cum between them, then collapsed on top of Luigi with his face in the pillow next to the smaller man's head.

When the king showed no signs of moving, Luigi panted, “B-bowser. . . ?”

The response was muffled. “Nngh. . . what?”

“Can't breathe. . . you're squashing me,” wheezed Luigi.

“Heh, sorry. . . .” Bowser rolled off of him onto his back, pulling Luigi on top of him instead. “Better?”

“Yeah.” Luigi laid his head on Bowser's chest, and the larger man draped his arms over the plumber's back, holding him. They were both sticky with sweat and cum—a whole lot of cum, Luigi noted, mostly contributed by Bowser—and the bed wasn't really big enough for the two of them to fit comfortably, and it had to be evening by now, which meant Mario might be coming home soon and did not need to find Luigi and Bowser shut up in the bedroom together.

Nevertheless, Luigi couldn't bring himself to move. Despite the discomforts, it was too nice to be lying there in Bowser's arms, more satisfied than Luigi had ever felt before in his life. . . especially knowing that he was the first one to do so in a long time. He thought Bowser might be the type to fall asleep immediately afterwards, but instead, he brought one hand up to trail his fingers through Luigi's hair.

“Well, that was fun,” the king mumbled.

Luigi laughed weakly and agreed, “Yeah. Was it as good for you as a human as it is as a Koopa?”

Bowser thought for a minute then proclaimed, “Nah. It was better. My dick's not near as big—”

Mamma mia, thought Luigi.

“—but my skin's more sensitive, all over, and my mouth's a lot more flexible. . . so yeah, that made it better.”

Bowser fell silent again, fingers stroking the curls falling over the back of Luigi's neck. Then he said so softly Luigi barely heard him, “And it was better 'cause this time, it was with you.”

Luigi practically melted with a feeling of almost liquid warmth in his chest and stomach. He whispered back, “I don't have much to compare it with, but it was good for me too. . . being with you.”

Bowser didn't say anything else, but he tightened his arms to hold Luigi a little closer. Luigi pressed his cheek against the larger man's chest and stifled a sigh as he thought, It is true, no matter how ridiculous it is: I am in love with him. Totally, head over heels. He wouldn't make me feel this way if I wasn't—and I shouldn't feel this way, because this can't last.

Bowser had said “whatever happens,” and that would be things going back to normal, sooner or later. Kamek would turn Bowser back into a Koopa, and he would return to the Darklands and being king, and that would be the end of his relationship with Luigi, pretend or not.

Then Luigi pushed the dismal thoughts away and instead reminded himself, But I'm making the most of it, while I can. Luigi had never been one to live completely in the present with no care for what the future might bring. And yet, all his planning and worrying had never kept the unexpected from happening—like getting sucked up by a giant pipe far below the streets of New York, and spat out in the territory of a giant, fire-breathing turtle who scared him witless.

Or like ending up in bed with the human version of that turtle, two years later.

So I'm not going to worry about the future now, either, Luigi vowed, letting his eyes fall closed as he relaxed in Bowser's arms.

–

to be continued

Chapter Text

By the time Mario got home a couple hours later, Bowser and Luigi had showered (separately, unfortunately) and were back on the couch watching another movie about Luigi's home city. Luigi had ordered a pizza, most of which Bowser ate, and the king was feeling pretty satisfied. The movie was some boring crime drama that didn't hold his interest, but Bowser didn't mind sitting through it because Luigi was sitting close beside him, leaning against him encircled in Bowser's arm.

At least, he was until they heard the sound of Mario's key in the lock of the front door. Luigi made a “meep” noise and pulled away from Bowser, shifting to sit halfway between him and the far arm of the couch. Bowser sighed irritably and scowled at the elder of the brothers as he opened the door.

“H-hi Mario!” Luigi chirped. If he was trying to act casual, he was completely failing.

“Is everything okay?” asked Mario, casting a suspicious look first at his brother, then at Bowser.

“Yeah, sure! I've just been showing Bowser some movies so he can see what our world is like,” Luigi explained quickly. He didn't mention that they'd been watching movies about the city he'd come from nor that they intended to go there the next day, so Bowser decided not to bring it up around Mario either. Maybe Luigi didn't want him to know their plans, which was just fine with Bowser. Mario probably would disapprove of Luigi bringing Bowser to the human world, and if he argued against it, Luigi might change his mind.

Mario muttered, “Hunh,” then glanced down at the empty pizza box on the coffee table. “Heh, looks like you had a real nutritious dinner. Bet I can guess who ate most of it, too.” He glared at Bowser who glared back, but Luigi just laughed.

“I didn't mind. We had a late lunch, so I wasn't very hungry. . . and anyway, it was nice to be able to get a pizza with mushrooms on it for once! Turns out Bowser loves them.”

He looked over at Bowser with a smile that dissolved all of the former Koopa's irritation, and he almost forgot Mario was even there as he smiled back.

Mario cleared his throat when they kept smiling at each other and folded his arms across his chest as he grumbled, “You should've put some blue ones on there, then. He'd be a lot less trouble if we could just stick him in a cage again.”

Every bit of Bowser's irritation returned, and then some. Unable to keep his mouth shut any longer, he growled, “I'm not causing trouble!”

Mario snapped, “Says you! You're a pain in the ass on a good day, and all you've done since you got here is make more work for Luigi and get in all of our way!”

“Even if that's true,” Bowser grumbled, “Luigi's too nice to throw me in a cage like Peach did!”

“Well, he should, considering that you did it to him!” retorted Mario. “And maybe he wasn't in there nearly as long as you were, but you had it pretty good. Peach treated you a hell of a lot better than you deserved instead of scaring you half to death like you did to Luigi and then almost killing you!”

Bowser's whole body tensed up in a mixture of guilt and anger—guilt because of course now he felt terrible for how he'd treated Luigi, and anger because with Mario reminding his brother of that treatment, Luigi might decide he didn't forgive Bowser after all.

Yet to his surprise, Luigi came to his defense: “Mario, stop—please? Bowser and I talked about all that, and he's sorry, so I want to move on. And he really isn't causing any trouble for me. . . or for anyone else. You and Princess Peach really haven't had to do anything differently to accommodate him, right?”

“I have to look at him, and that's bad enough!” said Mario.

“Likewise!” Bowser sneered.

Luigi scolded him, “You stop it too! Both of you, just chill out. Mario, how was your dinner with Princess Peach?”

“Great! Very romantic, in fact.” Although Mario looked only at Luigi as he replied, Bowser had a feeling the answer was intended to make him jealous. He smirked and leaned back on the sofa with his arms folded behind his head, gloating. Yeah, maybe Mario did spend a romantic evening with Peach. . . but Bowser had just spent one banging Mario's little brother, so he considered himself to be the winner of that contest.

Mario declined Luigi's offer to watch the rest of the movie with them, but although he retreated to his room while Luigi and Bowser finished it, Luigi stayed squarely centered on his side of the sofa. Bowser did understand why Luigi was so determined not to let Mario find out that there was any truth to their pretend relationship, yet it still hurt, and Bowser's good mood plummeted.

He was almost too ashamed to even tell Mario we were faking it, the king brooded, and he is too ashamed to fake it for anyone back in his world, where no one even knows who I really am! Hell, I'd just be kidding my damn self if I thought for a second that he'd ever want to be my partner for real.

He said he liked fooling around with me. . . but maybe it's just this body he likes, and getting to do that stuff with someone for the first time—not me, specifically. And maybe we shouldn't do it anymore.

So he kept his distance even when the movie ended and Luigi said they'd better get some sleep since they'd have to get up early the next morning. Bowser followed Luigi to his bedroom and stripped off his shirt before looking down at his jeans with a frown. He didn't have anything to sleep in, and he was trying to decide if he needed to leave his uncomfortable underwear on or not when Luigi spoke up again.

“Um, you don't have to sleep on the floor again if you'd rather sleep in the bed,” he mumbled. “Now that we know we can both fit. . . .”

Bowser looked up in surprise to where Luigi was perched on the edge of that bed in shorts and a t-shirt, looking back with a faint blush. Of course Bowser wanted to jump at the chance to sleep with Luigi—even if only literally—but his misgivings won out.

“I, uh, I don't think that'd be a good idea,” muttered Bowser. “I'm used to sleeping alone.”

The way Luigi's face fell almost changed his mind, especially when the plumber flushed deeper and averted his eyes.

“Oh! I mean, y-yeah, me too so you're right. . . probably not a good idea, heh. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking.”

He seemed so disappointed—almost sad, in fact—that Bowser had to remind himself that Luigi only wanted to be close to him when they were alone. He scowled and turned away to pull off his jeans as he grumbled, “And anyway, what if there was some emergency, and Mario came busting in here and saw us in bed together? Can't have that.” That thought made him decide he'd better leave the underwear on, just in case.

“No,” Luigi agreed in a small voice. He slid under the covers as Bowser tried to get comfortable on the floor with the blanket and pillow he'd used the night before. After a moment, Luigi asked quietly, “Are you ready for me to turn off the light?”

When Bowser said, “Yeah,” Luigi switched off his bedside lamp, although the room wasn't left completely dark thanks to the nightlight he apparently kept on every night.

Doesn't put out much light though,Bowser mused. Yesterday, he said he was afraid of the dark, so I'm surprised one little nightlight's enough. . . . When he was younger, Junior always wanted two, one for each side of his room. Bowser had to hold back a chuckle at the memory, lest Luigi think he was nuts for laughing out of nowhere.

Unlike Luigi, Bowser Jr. had outgrown his fear of the dark. . . mostly. Those nightlights still had to come on sometimes if Junior had a bad dream.

I hope he doesn't have any nightmares while I'm gone. Kamek ain't exactly the most comforting guy in the world. Bowser knew that from experience, having seen far more of Kamek as a kid than he had of his own father. He supposed Kamek had done his best, and he supposed Kamek still did. (And maybe I need to remember that, Bowser thought a little guiltily. I don't always treat him that great—especially not the past couple days.)

Yet no matter how well Kamek meant, he couldn't take the place of Junior's dad, and Bowser felt even more guilty when he considered how he'd left without saying goodbye to his son. He'd promised via Kamek that he'd bring Junior a present when he came home, but even Bowser knew that that wasn't enough to make up for his absence.

But there's nothing else I can do! he told himself as he finally started to drift off to sleep. Maybe when everything's back to normal and I can tell him the truth, Junior will understand. . . .

Bowser was awakened some time later by a terrified yelp. His eyes flew open, and he sat up to look over at the bed in alarm. Luigi was sitting bolt upright too, clutching his green blanket to his chest, wide-eyed and gasping for breath.

“Luigi! Is something wrong?” Bowser cried. Luigi jumped and yelped again, like he'd forgotten he wasn't alone in his room; but then he calmed down a little and looked over at Bowser to stammer a reply.

“I-I—n-no, I just had a bad dream. I'm. . . I'm sorry I woke you up.”

Just like Junior, Bowser thought. Luigi seemed to be embarrassed, and he mumbled, “You can go back to sleep,” before lying down again with his back to Bowser and the blanket pulled up to his chin.

Bowser considered doing just that and not embarrassing Luigi further, but thinking about how he always handled his son's nightmares led him to ask, “Uh. . . you wanna talk about it?”

“You mean, to you?” Luigi blurted out. Bowser was somewhat offended at his incredulity until Luigi went on, “I mean, I used to wake Mario up when I had a nightmare—uh, but that was when we were kids and all, of course! I'm sure he wouldn't want me to bother him with my bad dreams now. And you don't either. . . right?”

Realizing that he could do something for Luigi that Mario wouldn't anymore, Bowser countered, “It ain't a bother. Like, I'm already awake, and maybe it'll make you feel better. When Junior has a bad dream, he always wakes me up and tells me about it, and he says that makes it seem not as scary.”

“Well, if you really don't mind. . . .” Luigi sat up a second time and said, “Okay, um. . . I was inside this stone tower, and there weren't any doors going out, so I started climbing up a path that went around the walls, looking for a way out. But it was really dark—even the stones were black—and the path was really narrow, and it was full of Boos! They kept scaring me and trying to make me fall off the path. It was awful.”

Guess we shouldn't have watched a ghost movie, even a funny one, thought Bowser.

Luigi continued, “Then when I was like halfway up the tower, the path ended in a doorway that went outside to a little balcony. It was so high up, I couldn't even see the ground, and there were these islands floating in the air around the tower. I could see a warp pipe on another balcony way up high, near the top of the tower, but the only way to get to it was to jump from island to island.

“So I started doing that. There were three of them, I think, and—and Sparky was standing on the second one, but when I tried to talk to him, I couldn't understand what he was saying. And he was glaring at me the whole time like he was mad at me, and I didn't know why!”

Luigi's voice shook a little as he finished, “S-so I left him there and jumped to the next island, and I was so close to the balcony with the warp pipe. . . b-but when I jumped for it, somehow I missed, and I started falling all the way down the tower, and that was when I woke up. I-I guess I screamed or something—I'm really sorry I woke you up too, Bowser.”

“It's okay,” Bowser said, but even then, Luigi still looked miserable. Apparently talking about the dream had just made him feel worse.

Bowser's usual method of dealing with one of Junior's nightmares was to reassure him that it was only a dream, and to sit with him until he went back to sleep. In this case, however, Bowser thought that telling Luigi, “It was just a dream,” would seem pretty callous considering how disturbed he was by it. Luigi needed more comforting than that.

Or maybe that was just the excuse Bowser gave himself for why he got up and went to sit on the bed beside the smaller man, putting an arm around him. It did seem to be the right thing to do, since Luigi immediately leaned into him and hugged him with both arms. Bowser fumbled for something to say that wouldn't sound dismissive directed at a twenty-something-year-old man instead of a five-year-old Koopaling.

“Uh, you know Sparky's not really mad at you, right? Like, he's the opposite of mad. He's real happy with you, after how you helped the Bob-ombs this afternoon!”

“I know,” Luigi mumbled. He had his face pressed into the crook of Bowser's neck, and his breath tickled the former Koopa's now-sensitive skin. “And I know I'm safe on the ground and not about to fall to my death. But I still feel bad, even if it's not logical. Dreams are like that.”

Since logic hadn't helped, Bowser tried humor: “I dunno, you could still fall off the bed. Good thing I'm holding on to ya.” To his relief, Luigi chuckled and relaxed a little in his arm.

“You say that like you're joking, but I really have fallen out of bed before,” he informed Bowser. “As an adult. Maybe we better switch—you sleep in the bed, and I'll sleep on the floor.”

Bowser gave up on his resolve to avoid sleeping together and murmured, “I got a better idea—how about we both sleep in the bed? I know I said I'm used to sleeping alone, but I think I can adapt if you can.”

He was afraid Luigi would reject the idea in order to get back at Bowser for refusing earlier, but the plumber wasn't that petty. Instead, he said quietly, “I'd like that.”

Bowser lay down, pulling Luigi down with him. The small size of the bed meant that Luigi had to lie close to Bowser's side, but he apparently liked it that way because he snuggled up against the larger man with his head on Bowser's chest and one arm draped over the king's waist.

I could get used to this, Bowser thought with a smile as he rested a hand on Luigi's back and slowly rubbed it up and down. He was a little surprised to notice that he wasn't getting excited again, even being so close to Luigi; in his Koopa form, Bowser would have been ready for round two by now (if not immediately following round one). Yet for once, his dick was behaving itself, and he felt more than content just holding Luigi without trying to get more.

Maybe 'cause I got off twice today already—maybe that's enough for human guys, pondered the former Koopa. . . .Or maybe I just love being with him, no matter what we're doing.

“Is this really okay?” Luigi asked after a minute. “There's not much room, and if you're worried about Mario finding out. . . .”

Bowser told him, “I'm okay with it if you are. And as for your brother—does he usually turn up in your bedroom in the middle of the night?”

“No, of course not,” Luigi said with a little laugh. “And, um. . . I locked the door, so if there was an emergency, all he could do is knock and yell through it.”

“Heh, then I don't think we got too much to worry about. I just hope you don't have any more dreams about Sparkly—he might be pissed at ya again in 'em. The little squirt probably wouldn't approve of you can-noodling with me in your sleep,” Bowser chuckled.

Luigi gave a muffled snicker. “'Sparkly'? You're getting his name wrong on purpose at this point, aren't you?”

“Maybe.” Bowser yawned and let his eyes fall closed. “Seriously though. . . if you have another bad dream, wake me up, okay? My princess doesn't need his beauty sleep interrupted by nightmares.”

“Okay. . . I don't think I'll have another one though,” said Luigi. He hesitated, then added shyly, “Not with my king here to protect me.”

–

to be continued

Chapter Text

The next morning, Bowser was awakened by the raucous buzzing of an alarm clock. He almost cursed Kamek again before remembering where he was and hauling his eyes open—just as Luigi scrambled on top of him to reach the clock on his nightstand and shut it off.

“Oof!” Bowser grunted, and Luigi stammered an apology.

“Sorry, sorry!” He started to scramble off again, but Bowser clamped an arm around the plumber's waist and grinned up at him. Luigi's body felt warm from being under the covers all night, and Bowser held the smaller man tightly against him.

He taunted, “Nah, you're gonna stay right here, princess. You're my captive, remember?”

Blushing, Luigi mumbled, “W-we really need to get up, we've got a lot to—to um. . . do. . . .” He trailed off and gulped when Bowser cupped his free hand behind Luigi's head and drew it closer to his own.

“Unh hunh,” agreed Bowser in a murmur, thoroughly enjoying how easily he could fluster his new (pretend) boyfriend. When he pulled Luigi's head even closer so that their lips almost touched, Luigi actually whimpered. The king continued, “And since we've got so much to do, we'd better get started.”

Luigi didn't protest, so Bowser pressed his head down until their mouths connected, then proceeded to kiss his princess thoroughly. This time Luigi moaned instead of whimpered, and by the time they finally stopped for air, he was kissing Bowser as eagerly as the former Koopa was kissing him. What's more, Luigi was squirming on top of him and, judging from what Bowser could feel, enjoying himself quite a lot.

“Fuck!” Bowser panted appreciatively. “For someone who says he doesn't have much practice, you're damn good at kissing.”

“Uh. . . thanks,” stammered Luigi. “Now we really should get up—” He broke off with an indignant frown when Bowser laughed.

The king chuckled, “At the risk of making the same 'dirty dad joke' as yesterday, feels like you're already up, Princess Luigi.” Luigi looked even more indignant until Bowser pushed a hand between them to squeeze the plumber's erection. Luigi somehow managed to squeak, moan, and whine all at the same time.

“B-bowser—!”

“Want me to take care of this?” Bowser purred with another squeeze. “Doubt it'll take me very long to get you off, bad as you need it.”

Even as he rocked his hips forward to push harder into Bowser's hand, Luigi protested, “I-I can last longer than you think! And anyway, we don't have time to take another shower afterwards!”

“Oh, you ain't gonna need a shower after what I wanna do to you,” Bowser promised with a smirk. Luigi blinked those pretty blue eyes of his in confusion.

“Uh. . . just—just what do you have in mind?”

Bowser just kept smirking as he suddenly rolled over, putting Luigi on his back with the former Koopa leaning over him. He grabbed the waistband of Luigi's shorts and yanked them down to expose his cock.

Luigi flushed even brighter red and squeezed his eyes shut as he muttered, “It's still so embarrassing for you to look at me there!”

“Don't worry, I ain't gonna be looking for long!” Bowser declared before bending his head to lick Luigi's erection. Luigi squeaked again, then gasped when Bowser sucked the head into his mouth.

“H-hah—King Bowser!” he whimpered, making Bowser growl with pleasure around his cock. He had never before found it particularly exciting to be called by his title during sex, but something about hearing Luigi call him king, especially when his voice was all trembly like that. . . it drove Bowser crazy.

He lowered his head further and sucked harder. In response, Luigi's hips twitched upward, thrusting into Bowser's mouth. The tip of his dick touched the back of Bowser's throat, and for a second, the king had to fight back the urge to gag. Then he reminded himself that in Koopa form, he'd swallowed a lot of things a lot bigger than Luigi's cock.

And I'm so much larger than him, even in this body! Bowser thought. It can't be that hard to do. . . . So he took a deep breath in through his nose, relaxed his throat as much as he could, and swallowed his princess's erection to the base.

“Shit!” wailed Luigi. Being able to drive him to swear made any discomfort Bowser felt worthwhile. Luigi gripped the king's hair with both hands as Bowser blew him, pulling it hard enough to hurt—which only turned Bowser on even more. He grasped Luigi's narrow hips in his own hands and pulled them up each time he moved his head down until Luigi caught on. The plumber made a couple small thrusts upward then, when Bowser didn't protest, started doing it harder and faster.

Just a couple of days earlier, if someone had told King Bowser Koopa that he'd soon be letting Luigi Mario fuck his mouth, he would have either laughed, fried them, or both. And now, here he was not only allowing that very thing to happen, but encouraging it—and enjoying it.

Not that it felt too great to his throat, but he loved the way Luigi tasted, and the way he sounded as he whimpered and moaned Bowser's name. He loved how he could make Luigi lose all control and come apart. Most of all, he loved knowing that he was bringing pleasure to the human man who had once hated and feared him. . . and who had haunted Bowser's thoughts and fantasies for longer than he cared to admit.

He'd been right about it not taking long. Once he really got going, Luigi came in under two minutes, maybe closer to one. He cried out again as he slammed his cock as deep in Bowser's mouth as it would go, then held it there while he climaxed before collapsing on the bed, breathing hard with his eyes closed.

Bowser swallowed as he pulled off of Luigi's cock, grimacing not because he minded ingesting Luigi's cum but because his throat was sorer than he'd expected it to be. Fortunately, Luigi still had his eyes closed; Bowser didn't want him to know he'd felt any discomfort because knowing Luigi, he'd feel guilty about it and have regrets.

And just then, judging from the blissful look on the plumber's face, regret was the furthest thing from his mind. Bowser felt pretty damn proud of himself, especially when Luigi finally opened his eyes and looked up at him with gratitude and what the king dared to hope was genuine affection.

“Uh. . . thanks,” Luigi said with a weak laugh. “That was incredible.”

“Nothing to it!” boasted the former Koopa.

“But what about you?” asked Luigi. “You didn't. . . uh, get off.”

In fact, Bowser's own dick was throbbing in his tight underwear, and Luigi couldn't not notice how hard it was if he so much as glanced at Bowser below the waist. Yet he didn't want Luigi to think he'd only blown him to get something in return.

–

to be continued

(I promise! Apologies [especially to Bowser] for stopping here, but this is all I had written so far.)