Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Berns!” A shout could be heard from across the campus grounds. It was coming from a rather short black haired man that really had too much thought behind his grayish-blue eyes for a high schooler.

The man being called was Bernard, Bernard Dowd, the school camilion that had made himself liked by most around. As of late though; the boy had begun to take less care of his appearance…as Tim, the ravennette calling Bernard's name, had noticed. Usually Bernard was full of anxiety on how people perceived him and was always on guard about how well he was blending in. It seemed as if the highschooler was always scared of how much attention would be drawn to him.

However…that wasn’t the case as of late. Quickening his pace, Tim had made it up to Bernard. His long sleeves rubbing uncomfortably under the baggy Tony Hawk T-shirt he decided to throw on. Instead of trying to fix it though he studied the golden haired man in front of him.

There wasn’t the usual shine within his eyes that had always shown a mischievous lighthearted look. Instead it was replaced with a dullness, laced with a small shimmer of anxiety the other was usually good at stuffing down. It made Tim look a little peculiarly at him. Bernard was quick to look at him with that signature smile he always had as he shifted the sunglasses in his dulled acid wash jeans to up on his head. The small rips in them at the knees showing just how clumsy he could be at the skate park when Tim would invite him. A small smile spread over Tim’s face at the thought, only letting a slightly surprised look take over for a second when he saw that Bernard was wearing a red long sleeve Tim had left at his house. The shorter of the two cleared his throat a bit as he felt a soft heat on his face before averting his gaze.

“Ready for the First period?” The soft question left his lips to fill in the silence that had coated the two like a small weight added to the atmosphere.

“Nope, I’m goin in and failing that test but at least I can stop stressin about it '' There was an air of disappointment within how Bernard had started that. It wasn’t that he was dumb, Tim knew the other boy was far from such a thing. However Bernard usually skipped the first period with Darla.The only reason he was actually going seemed to be because Tim bribed him with milkshakes after.

“C’mon you can’t possibly bomb it that bad, you’d have to miss 15 questions to get a C”

“Well…you never know” The disappointment faded into a much more depressing tone.

“Hey, don’t think so much about it, it’s just some dumb test, you’ll do great” Tim stepped slightly closer to the other man, moving to lightly take Bernard's hand before catching himself and instead putting a hand on his shoulder to guide him over to the front doors.

“Yeah..I guess” Was all the blonde said before walking into the doors with Tim to their first period in a slightly uncomfortable silence. Their footsteps being muffled over by all the murmurs that high school always provided.

Walking through the halls usually Bernard would talk to almost every group trying to get the attention of Darla and whatever popular, unattainable girl he could. He didn’t do that..instead he seemed to try and shrink into the background which Tim noticed he was a little too good at doing. Sure, Tim was his best friend now (not including Darla) but he hadn’t known Bernard when he was still the shy little awkward kid trying to find his place in high school. It was strange seeing his friend become almost completely different from how he had known prior. It seemed comfortable yet unsettling for Bernard to almost revert to something he’d never known.

Finally their steps slowed as they walked through the door to the rather large classroom. It wasn’t like it was something unheard of for a teacher to ‘joke’ about a student almost never showing up to class. There was an exaggerated gasp from their math teacher stating,
“Well if it isn’t Mr. Dowd, come to finally learn something?” There was a snarky tone within her voice and while most would usually consider this a teacher trying to have a lighthearted moment with their student…this was more a dig at how flaky Bernard had been with a question of how smart he really was. It made him get a little clammy and rush over to his seat by the window in the back right behind Tim. He let out a sigh as Tim sat in front of him only glaring over at the teacher before running a hand through the black bangs looking over Bernards shoulder to try and get his attention.

A soft whisper coming from him in a way that just had pure pity seeping through.

“I see why you don’t show up now”

At this all Bernard did was shrug before leaning forward, putting his elbow up on the desk resting his head on his hand just staring out the window.

Something had happened, Tim knew something had happened, he just didn’t know what exactly. Maybe he could do some digging on the batcomputer before his next patrol but that thought was quickly killed with the bell ringing, signaling the end of morning passing period. As their snarky teacher got up passing the tests out she only snarked slightly when she gave Bernard his. It was clear she didn’t think that he would be passing the test let alone the class. As the teacher had set down the test she’d even gone as far as to tap on the paper and give a small smack of her lips.

At this Bernard was only able to take the paper, averting his eyes down and getting a pencil out of his bag. He really didn’t seem to care anymore about even remotely trying on the test. Tim glanced over his friend’s shoulder every few minutes to see his friend doodling tiny stars and hearts instead of actually putting real answers down. Tim shook his head, smiling slightly before writing on a little corner of his scrap paper, tearing it silently before passing it back to the other.
‘I’m not giving you the answers, but do you need help?’
The formal handwriting belonging to Tim earned a small scoff before Bern scribbled a little ‘meaningful’ message back.

‘im not stupid- i just like taking my time ;p’

Quickly balling up the little note throwing it back of his friend’s head from over his shoulder being sure to avert his gaze from where he’d thrown that stupid little note. As he looked down at his paper he let out a soft agitated breath before going and actually answering the questions. As he was about done with only 4 questions left; Tim, one of the first people always done, raised his hand asking if he could use the restroom. He was quickly denied as he hadn’t turned in the paper. Instead of sitting quietly and checking his test he just got up, turned it in and walked out of the room. Bernard hadn’t even noticed the small note left on the corner of his desk before Tim left the room. ‘Meet me in the bathroom after this class. P.s. the last answer is B’

Bernard just rolled his eyes before quickly finishing up the test putting the last answer as B with a light smile. Knowing he wouldn’t just be allowed to use the restroom even if he turned in his test due to skipping this class so much he scoffed leaning back in his chair for a few minutes till he got bored of staring out the window. The true attention span of a goldfish. So instead of doodling on his test paper he just picked up the small note Tim had given him, using the back of it to draw a little picture of Tim with the rare genuine smile he’d seen last weekend at the skate park after Bernard had tripped on a small ramp sending his phone landing in front of Tim with his home screen showing an adorable cat he’d taken a picture of in a downtown library (if you looked closely the name of the cat on the collar was Diablo). Fumbling with curses about tripping and trying to back up his very masculine, cool guy home screen he’d said the cat reminded him of Tim with its sleek black inky look with eyes that looked like little ponds in the springtime. Tim had smiled with a slight pink dusting his face only having Bernard look away at his stupidity and little poetic words. Of course that was now black mail and Tim had joked about it with Darla but still that smile he’d gotten a glimpse of…it was something he’d memorize forever.

Shaking his head a little trying not to seem like one of those weird kids as he looked around feeling anxiety snake up gripping his throat like some evil little beast he saw no one was actually looking over at him. He looked back down at the small doodle smiling at it before adding a small shade for that pretty- ahem…not-uh- oh god….that panic creeped back up again before he finished the doodle stuffing it in his pocket and turning in his test just as the bell rang.

The teacher gave him a look before he walked out of her class as if she expected him to end up somewhere no kid should with a slight smirk before he disappeared into the crowd of kids he’d forget the name of in two years. Picking up his pace he knew Tim would be over on the other side of the school in the older run down bathroom the two of them plus Darla would sneak into to skip class without ever leaving campus due to Tim having a conundrum about it. A small smile spread across his face at the thought. He’d always have to convince Darla to let it be and just go along with it so they could still hang out with Tim, even if it’d cost him a measly little $70 for all the times he’d made it up to her with food or milkshakes. Maybe, he would do anything for a small second with Tim…Maybe he’d spend his college savings just for a minute alone with the other boy..boy…this wasn’t how boys thought about other boys. This was- something he’d only heard of between the very straight couples at their school.

That panic hadn't quite left, forcing Bernard to quicken his pace even more as he made it to the abandoned side of the school that’d been shut down mostly for maintenance issues. As he knew he was far enough away that no one within the vicinity would question what the noise was, he took off his bag, throwing it to the ground before looking at his shaky hands. This couldn’t be happening..he wasn’t- that wasn’t something allowed. His father would kill him for having that type of thought. Suddenly hot tears were stinging his eyes as he tried to peer down only having his vision warped. Bernard swallowed thickly trying to catch his breath, picking up his bag in a hurry and wiping his eyes with the long sleeve shirt he’d put on- fuck..it was Tim’s. This was all just piling and a little too quickly. He tried to steady his breath making his way to the bathroom Tim had said to meet him at.

As he approached the bathroom he slowed down, not quite sure if he really wanted to burden Tim with all the chaos running through his head. There was no way he’d do that. Not to one of the people he cared about…not, god he really felt that way towards the other boy.

Maybe he could..accept that. Feeling the pressure in his chest slightly come off as he felt a wave of realization hit him. He’d felt like this for a long time. Maybe even the first day he walked up to the other boy with such a swag it was embarrassing, giving out an analysis of Tim that had ended up being almost spot on. The pull towards him always had some effect on Bernard he felt he wasn’t quite able to place. It made sense, he’d been in love with Timothy Drake for longer than he’d even realized. He fell for Tim, and he fell hard. Swallowing down the bile that rose in his throat as another thought dawned on him was the fact that his father would literally kill him for having such feelings. He was his parents' only child so if he turned out queer god only knows what they’d say or how’d that affect their precious reputation. He’d be disowned…

Choking back a sob he looked down at his shoes quickly wiping away any tears left before pushing through that stupid door. There sitting on the cracking sink counter was Darla and leaning on the rundown wall was Tim. Had Tim dragged her through the school just to meet up? Usually only Darla let Bernard do such an outrageous act. He felt shaky and only looked between the two before Darla looked over, giving him a slightly annoyed look until it turned to such a worried yet anger filled one. Oh god, she thought someone hurt him…just great. Before he could even utter a word she was jumping down glaring at Tim and moving with her fists clenched.

“Did that teacher do something?!” The venom lacing her voice had Bernard wincing putting his hands up in a surrendering type look.

Tim on the other hand gave a quizzical look. He wouldn’t have left Bernard had he thought the teacher was going to do something but then again he’d been wrong about a situation before. He slowly stalked up behind Darla putting a hand on her shoulder and tugging slightly to get her to back off/stop crowding the clearly upset Bernard. Well, maybe not clearly but he’d known the other boy well enough to know that when there was a slight flush to his cheeks plus the corner of his eyes had a small wet patch that clearly showed he’d been crying and was upset.

“You okay?” The question coming out before Tim could even calculate a properly formed question. God that was such a stupid question, he already knew Darla was looking at him with a ‘are you fucking serious Drake?!’ face. Tim hadn’t even caught himself only really wanting to know what could’ve upset Bernard like that…in a friend concerned way…duh.

What was Bernard supposed to say to that…’yeah I’m fine just figured out I’m almost certainly gay and have been in love with you longer than I realized..oh and if my dad ever finds out you’ll never find my body’..tough fuckin luck with that. So instead he was left saying with a slight crack in his voice he hadn’t wanted to slip:
“I will be, now you see why I hate going to first period..”

Oh how Darla was ready to march out that bathroom right then and there. She had her fists balled up and was internally cursing about how she’ll get her father to murder her the next time she’s even seen in public with her ugly little snark Drake had mentioned. However before she was even able to voice how she’d violently rip apart that teacher Tim had started asking questions….just great, the idiot.

“Did she do something else? I wouldn’t have left so soon-“

“She just gave me a look with that stupid smirk from before, it’s nothing really” The quick answer made both Darla and Tim share a look before Tim decided to drop it. ‘HOW FUCKING DENSE COULD THIS BOY BE OH MY GOD-’ was Darla’s only thought before she shook her head offering to skip out on the rest of the day.

Surprisingly Bernard had shook his head. He was giving Darla a look she’d seen before though. It was the signature ‘you think Tim would follow…smh’. However both Darla and Bernard let out exaggerated gasps as Tim agreed with Darla that they should all get outa the hell hole that was Greives and go out to their favorite hang out area downtown.

“What? You both don’t think I’d want to stay here after all of that” Tim rolled his eyes playfully. Seeing those pretty silver blue eyes Benard felt his heart speed up and his face become all too hot for the cool bathroom air. A small smile tugged at his lips before he caught Darla eyeing him with suspicion only to look away a little too quickly.

“Yeah, let’s get outa here” Was all he mumbled before letting Darla shove past to lead the way.

Chapter Text

Oh Darla, beautiful, raging, burning Darla. Bernard loved her so damn much, he truly had no idea what he’d do without her. Walking slightly behind her as she navigated the way out of the school so the group wasn’t seen at 9 in the morning was truly a skill he’d questioned time and time again. However he ignored those questions in the back of his mind trying to focus on the sound of footsteps echoing quietly through the empty hallways. That murmur not there now that the whispers were all being passed in classrooms instead. The tapping of their converse and Darla’s big black boots made a satisfying sound as they approached the nearest exit that had the fewest camera coverage. He knew Darla was looking back at him while Tim was staring, burning a hole into his back as he studied every little microexpression he’d make. ‘Fuck….’

Was the only thought he let pass through his head as Darla grabbed him by the shoulders pinning him to the wall near the exit sign. Her grip had always been so strong but right now it was down right crushing.

“What’s really going on?!” The shout as whispered as possible from Darla of all people.
Instead of fighting through her grip Bernard just shrugged. A deflection that was meant to knock her hands off his shoulder that didn’t work. Tim was staring at the two with concern as he looked ready to pounce on Darla to get her to let go of Bernard. Bern knew one look of fear from him and Tim would get her off or at least attempt to.

“I really don’t know what you mean- it was just a teacher bein a bitch-” Bernard looked away for just a slight moment and as soon as he looked back into her eyes seeing the blue swirl, angry like a hurricane. God, she’d tear him a new one if he let on that he’d lied straight to her face so instead he tried to twist what had happened to make it sound slightly worse, just to get her off his back. It was the truth just not…all the way.

“Listen, I-... I’ll probably fail that class, just proving what she said to be true..nothing serious” He’d looked down while saying it knowing that it was mostly true while also knowing that he just didn’t want her to question him about it anymore. He was an idiot, how did he figure something like this out after a ridiculous math test. I mean really! One second he was just sitting there doodling a little picture and the next…his world folds in on itself and gets turned completely around.

Darla studied him for a moment deciding that the explanation had made sense, although something still was different about her best friend. There was something serious that happened that she couldn’t figure out and didn’t know if failing the class was really his biggest concern. However when she let go and saw Bernard's shoulders relax she felt something bubble up inside of her again. The boiling in her blood became vapor as if it could just shoot out her ears like in the cartoons. He lied and she knew it…

So as soon as she took a step back with her hands still hovering over where she’d had them on Bernard’s shoulders she grit her teeth and shoved him into the wall of lockers behind him. A yelp was let out as the sound of metal being hit rang through her ears. There was a burning sensation in her eyes that she didn’t have time to register before snarling and stomping away through the doors.

Tim had made a quick move to stop Darla but was too late. He’d been analyzing the situation between his two friends too much to really catch Darla making a move to shove the blonde. As the yelp was let out Tim tried to reach out to Darla as she stomped away only giving a glance at Bernard halfway sitting on the ground and half way making a move to stand up. Just by the twist in his face Tim knew Bernard was in pain. Hearing the stomping sounds of Darla through the door he turned. This was a decision he knew would stick. The same tight feeling you get in your chest when you know that one way or another something will have a lasting impact, as if a little voice pokes the back of your brain telling you so. Follow Darla or stay and help Bernard?

Bernard was upset, hurting, and acting strangely. Darla however didn’t shout, didn’t stay and confront whatever made her upset, and was clearly in distress something she’d usually confront head on with screams. Who..who needed him more? Bernard; healthy family, steady income, two parents, friends with most, a little strange but always pulled through, a smile following the ray of sunshine almost all the time, with a little bit of a swag that made him cringy in the cutest way. Darla; mob boss’s daughter, dead mother, struggling to come to terms with who wants to be her friend and who wants to use her, furious and unable to cope. Well…Darla it was. Rushing through the exit doors Darla had just stomped out of; Tim searched for her head of dark curls for a solid minute before seeing it bob up and down around some trees on the normal route to their hang out spot. So, he ran off towards her.

Darla hadn’t gone far, not far enough as it seemed when Tim came up all but sprinting to catch her. A snarl left her lips as she closed her eyes trying to drown out what he was saying through the pounding of blood running through her ears. She knew the one person she trusted to tell her everything was withholding clearly important information from her. That little fucking prick thought she wouldn’t notice too. How fucking dare h-

“DARLA!!!” Tim had grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her softly before she opened her eyes, seeing through them like a kaleidoscope. She was crying, just great, really what she needed at that moment. Tim sighed, only making more tears cascade down her flushed cheeks.

“It’s okay, it’ll be okay” Was all Tim said before pulling her into a gentle hug. It was almost as soft as Bernard’s. No, fuck him, this was the best hug she’d ever gotten. Slowly she brought her arms and hand up wrapping them around Tim’s middle sinking into the feeling and just crying into his chest. For a moment they just stayed like that, up until Tim pulled away. When she used her shirt collar to dry her tears she looked up and saw Tim in his usual peculiar look. The one where he was trying to figure something out. That brought a smile to her face, a real genuine smile. Not everyone changed, not everyone became someone she no longer knew.

As she looked over to where Tim was staring at, her brow raised and then turned to him once more. Giving him a look of questioning with her voice broken yet still sharp as ever.

“What are you looking at Drake?”

That seemed to snap him out of it, making him stare back at Darla, a soft chuckle that brought that smile back to Darla’s face as it rumbled.

“Thought I heard footsteps, nothing there though”

“Clearly. So- wanna go get those shakes we talked about in the bathroom?”

Tim gave her that small smile that only upturned slightly. It was subtle but Darla liked to think she could always see it. It was something she liked to think of when class got slow. As she got a small nod from Tim the two started walking. This had to be better than shouting at a lying, pretender.

Tim wasn’t sure if leaving Bernard was something he’d be able to come to terms with, however he knew that if he was to leave Darla and get him then things might just heat up all over again. This would leave Darla in a worse mindset and Bernard with maybe a broken collarbone if he was lucky. Tim just needed to talk to Darla and get her to open up and maybe he could convince her that it was some misunderstanding that wasn’t that bad. Maybe he could reconcile whatever was messed up between them. Bernard would understand…he wasn’t dumb after all.

Covering his mouth with one hand and gripping the back of his head with the other - both trying not to make a sound and trying to ease the pain where his head had hit the lockers a bit too rough for his liking was the one and only; Bernard Dowd. He’d paused trying to stand up as he felt his head swim and only saw Tim give him a millisecond glance before bolting through the door to Darla. That pause was long enough for him to practically lose the both of them as they ran out the door. When he’d gone to do the same he felt everything go fuzzy and then click on like a light. Running through and trying to find them he started on the normal route thinking they’d gone just far enough he’d be able to explain. However when he rounded the corner where the school grounds ended he saw Darla and Tim in an embrace. Quickly he hid behind the wall that hid the small grounds keeper's shed. Fuck, fuck, fuck… He’d just started to figure out who he was- now he was losing both his friends?

How could he be so stupid, he should’ve just told Darla, or- was he even 100% sure he was..queer. Was it just something he’d made up in his head? There were tears streaming down, hand clasped against his mouth as he heard mumbling and shuffling before he bowed his head. The soft tapping started again but with one less pair. What was he going to do-. Darla was mad at him and would be till they could talk, which obviously if he was smart he’d wait a little before doing so. Tim could talk some sense into her, he’d seen it before.

What if Tim thought Bernard was being a dick though? Why did Darla even push him? What happened back there for this to-. Fuck. High. School.

When Bernard looked back up the tapping was gone. There was nothing but the sounds of Gotham. The cars running, honking, sirens, shouting, the usual city noises but no tapping of feet in that familiar pattern his friends had always made. Bernard didn’t have much to do now that the original plan of ditching with his two most trusted people had completely exploded in his face. Rubbing the back of his head Bernard let go of his mouth, using the sleeve to wipe away the disgusting wetness from his face before he decided to just go back into the school. He could just skip this one period and go to his next classes as if nothing happened.

Walking back into the school he looked over to the lockers he was shoved into and saw the dent left from his head. Fucking Darla, of course she was that strong. Her father was a mob boss clearly she knew how to beat the hell out of people, never thought she’d use those skills on him but here he was staring at that indent. Shaking his head he felt the blood swish making him dizzy. Bernard grabbed onto the indented lockers sinking down for a moment till he could see straight again. Maybe he had a concussion, wouldn’t be the first time;or the second; or the third; maybe with enough concussions his parents would finally believe him when he said something was wrong. Although a concussion was physical he was sure they’d have to do some sort of mental evaluation after enough damage was done.

Huffing as he finally started to walk he made his way to the bathrooms, splashing some water on his face and trying to push back his hair only for it to fall in front of his face he realized that A.) his hair wasn’t going to cooperate and B.) his funny little sunglasses were missing. Just great. It’d be fine. It’d just have to be fine.

He sighed walking out getting his bag from his locker just as the bell rang. People started to file out of classrooms and that murmur was back. The whispers and drama being shared. He felt eyes watching, staring, judging him. It wasn’t real and not that many people knew the real him nor cared. He tried to push the thoughts of people just observing him but it didn’t work. So instead he was going to take himself out of the equation. The fast pace steps he took to be quick and quiet made all the difference in getting to his third period in a discrete yet enhanced way. He had a way of blending into the crowd, being unnoticeable when it came to situations like that.

Nothing he hadn’t done before at night when his parents would be fighting and if he was caught in that cross fire his father would hit him across the face to shut him up while his mother only stood by with tears in her eyes unable to do anything and only blame him for it after his father stormed out of the house. As Bernard blinked the thought away he saw that his third period, the physiology class he was taking a liking to, was completely empty at the moment. Not many showed up to the class as it was an elective and a bullshit class. The teacher usually just passed everyone anyway. Speaking of the teacher, Miss Row was standing at her desk clearly messing with a small gadget that looked like some kind of off brand stethoscope. He moved to go sit down causing her to look over at him in a slightly surprised look.

“Bernard Dowd? Why’re you here so early-” She sounded genuinely concerned and confused. This made him look back for a mere moment before sitting at his desk putting his bag to the side, leaned up against the back leg of the desk.

“No reason” His voice was broken, sounding like some wounded animal. He winced at his own voice not knowing what she’d do. Probably play the concerned teacher asking questions so she could report to the school counselors and make a report on how he was behaving. Probably call his parents in for some discussion about mental health they wouldn’t believe. Instead however, she stared at him a little, sighing and looking at her door before the bell rang. He was still the only one in class and it seemed she’d decided that that was the only student she needed as she went over and closed the door.

He cleared his throat a little and shrunk in his chair trying to make it seem like he wasn’t even there, almost hoping that he wouldn’t be seen as if she hadn’t greeted him a few minutes prior. Instead when she walked over to the desk in front of his and sat up on the actual desk part she started out simply.

“Please, tell me what happened?”

It was a simple question, so void of a suspicious undertone or even some concerned teacher asking about some breakup a teenage girl went through with the captain of the basketball team. No this was a casual question that had an edge of that ‘I’ve been waiting to ask’ attitude. Bernard felt his throat close and his stomach drop.

“I-..they..That’s not- I’m-...I’m okay” His voice cracked and he broke down, crying again as he covered his face with his hands. All Miss Row did was rub his back as he cried. She’d brushed against the sleeve of his shirt all too obvious of what she was checking for as he pulled it back down a second later. After a few minutes of just her hand on his back and him crying Bernard looked up at her wiping away the tears on the sleeves of his-..Tim’s..shirt again.

“You probably-..Tim Drake?” It came out just as broken as before and Bernard looked away. Maybe this is what he needed. He was so sure he liked him one second and the next he was questioning what romantic and platonic was even considered; was he gay?

“The newer transfer this year. Yes, I know him. He seems sweet…” Miss Row kept it professional as she started to breathe a specific way so Bernard could match it. Which he did…

They sat there in silence for a good five minutes again before he could speak.

“He is…but I just-.. Just how do you-..” Bernard huffed out wanting to hide back behind his hands that felt so safe a moment ago. Miss Row was patient with him, letting him figure out the words before trying to continue whatever conversation she’d assume he wanted to have.
“You’re the club manager for..you know-... How does- How do they know?”

That was a good way to start this conversation. A good way to figure things out, to try and ease himself into it instead of jumping head first like he had originally planned. With how Miss Row went on to explain, smiling a little gave him a sign that she’d had her own life experience with the subject. She explained how her brother had a similar experience when they were in high school. Bernard sat and listened, analyzing every little piece of evidence that pointed to him being gay. Was he gay? Bi? Pan?

Fuck if he knew right now- Miss Row asked him if he knew and he just shook his head. The soft smile she gave him was enough to make his shoulders slump down.
“My parents are going to kill me” Although mumbled Miss Row picked up on it.
“If those friends of yours, the ones I see you with in the hallway, are anything then I don’t think they’d be letting that happen '' It was supposed to be a comfort but instead with how everything had played out Bernard just broke down again.

“I don’t think they’d want to hear from me for a while- if ever”

“Bernard, did something happen that I need to be aware of? I can do something if it’s bad enough to involve school policy and action”

“NO-! I mean-..no- nothing like that- I just… it’s…I lied to them today. They were concerned after first period and I-..I just realized how much I was actually starting to like-..boys and how that wasn’t….normal…I didn’t..I don’t..How do you even know 100% if you’re..how would you even start that conversation”

“ Calm down, its okay. So- you lied to them about why you were acting out of character..and they got upset when they felt like you weren’t telling the truth?”

“Yea…I also-..I went to catch up with them after the incident and they..Tim and Darla…they- they were just hugging but it felt…It hurt?”

Miss Row nodded at that, sighing and patting Bernard on the back again.
“I understand-...wait till they’re both ready and talk to them. You don’t have to tell them right now about this new development in your life- just explain to them that you didn’t really lie to them, that you just weren’t ready to tell them” Bernard swallowed hard, his throat closing up again and his chest feeling tight. He didn’t plan on telling them ever. Not until he really understood it himself. So he just looked away nodding. Miss Row let out a small sigh before getting up.

“Thank you for telling me. I’m happy you were comfortable enough to share something so personal but I suppose since I do have a student I have to teach, isn't that right Mr. Dowd?”

It was clear he needed a distraction and had to get his mind off of all of this. Of the situation. Of how Darla slammed him into a locker. Of how much it sent a burning electric pain through his chest when he saw Darla and Tim happily embracing each other. Of how Darla looked at Tim and how Tim barely hesitated before going after her. Of how much shit he’d be in when he got home for skipping a period. Of just how terrified he was of who he was.

So for the remaining 25 minutes of class he learned about pulmonary aspects of a body and to analyze them. After those 25 minutes he could think of everything…

Miss Row continued to look at him in pity for those 25 minutes though. That pity radiating through the class room gave him the sensation of bile rising in his throat, struggling to stuff it down and his head spinning all while the pounding in the back of his head increased through the hour that he’d been in the class. It’s fine…He could focus on it later. Later…..later….

Chapter Text

Walking through the city to their normal milkshake spot was alway so much fun. Usually loud and bustling with activity all while jokes would be passed around and a certain blonde would have to be held back from crossing into traffic or stumbling over people when he’d decide to walk backwards. However, this time there was no blonde. No real jokes other than sarcastic jabs being passed around. The alerted conditioning usually used to contain Bernard was now just hyperawareness that seemed to pick up on every little sound, every small tap or crumple of paper under feet as they passed people by that’d pay no mind to them. It was strange, for Tim it was as if he was on patrol with B, so aware it made his ears ring.

Darla looked up at her slightly taller friend, she was observant when she needed to be. Didn’t mean her observations that lead to assumptions were always correct.
“Drake, what’s got you all freaked?”

Tim blinked and looked over at her as they continued to walk. He opened his mouth before squinting at her.

“‘M not freaked. Just- it’s not usually this quiet when we skip”

Darla hummed, going into thought before huffing, bringing her arms up and almost hugging herself. She glanced over at Tim when it seemed she had decided on what to say. It wasn’t common for her to take time to consider what to say, usually going with whatever first flew from her mouth.

“Yeah well..we aren’t usually lied to either” It was a clear jab at the missing blonde. It didn’t quite feel right to be bad mouthing their friend. At least according to Tim it wasn’t quite right. He understood how Darla had to be feeling but at the same time maybe Bernard was just going through something…what that something was, now that was a mystery. Bernard usually only had mundane regular highschooler issues. Then again maybe that’s just what it was. Regular highschool issues that the blonde deemed too serious.

“..Yeah” Was all Tim could come up with. He wanted to defend the boy but he didn’t want to risk upsetting Darla further as her anger was usually something that would run rampant. That never seemed to work however.

“Yeah! I just- He really thought he could just-! LIE TO MY FACE! He’s just another-” Darla was fuming again as tears welled up within her eyes. It just seemed to be a repeat of everything before. Tim sighed a little before interrupting her.

“Maybe- it was for a reason?” When the words tumbled out they were more of a question than the statement he had planned.

“That’s-! That’s literally what I’m getting at!!!” Darla all but screamed drawing a small amount of attention towards them.

Tim dropped his head down a little and just shook it off. He never liked being the center of attention as it was also something he was unaccustomed to, even if he was living in the house of Wayne now.

“Darla, I mean…what if he’s just having some issue he doesn’t want you to handle with…y’know? Venom and violence?” Tim had worded it rather specifically to get it through to Darla what he meant without trying to offend her. She paused her walking for a moment to look at him. Squinting ever so slightly before huffing out a long irritated yet clearly depressing sigh was all that Tim got from her for the next 10 minutes. They continued to walk in silence before finally getting to their milkshake stop. Although during that walk all Tim did was study every little microexpression she made trying to decipher what was going on within her head.

For a mobster's daughter that had to go through mind boggling trauma almost every day she sure as hell took a long time processing even the simplest of things. Tim assumed this was due to her automatic response with anger. It was fast, simple and all around easy to just lash out. There was no real thinking and processing to be done when the thing you were going to process just evaporated and burst into flames.

It was almost poetic in a sense. How a flaring burst of anger could sweep through and leave everything in such ruins that you couldn’t even decipher what it had once been. It gave Tim an uneasy feeling.. Even more so now that he realized how he had just left a clearly shocked and hurting Bernard on the dirty school floor.

Ding!

That’s what finally snapped Tim out of it. Allowing for him to look through the small milkshake stop he’d come to love when he wasn’t dead worried about how his father and such would react to him skipping if he so found out. All the different people that seemed to be so comfortable as if they were just within their own home. He found that usually the store regulars looked most at home and comfortable while the newer or more uncommon customers had to look around to observe every little detail and soak it in. As if they were ready for something that would be considered unsettling or ‘harmful’. That seemed to be every gothamite's reaction in new establishments due to the frequent attacks.

Observing people had always been something Tim enjoyed. It was easy to forget how awkward he looked when he did so but it wasn’t something he could always get away with. Darla just proved that right when she waved a hand in front of his face, getting him to pay attention to what he wanted to order after she had ordered her own pistacchio that had started to be offered after she’d requested it so much. Sighing slightly he smiled again and got the normal mint chocolate shake he’d usually order. However this time it might be less enjoyable being unable to cleanse the minty taste with the strawberry Bernard would get.

“Come on Drake. We gotta at least get to our normal seats before you zone out again.”

Tim nodded at the soft words Darla spoke. He tried to smile through it, not quite having the smile reach his eyes. Something he’d seen almost all day with Bernard. Maybe there was something he wasn’t aware of going on there. He wanted to know so badly but he had blown Bernard off for Darla who needed him right now. As he followed a little too quietly behind Darla to the seats up front that were slightly cushioned with the stereotypical red leather, it felt too big now that the four seats were only filled by two of them and not three.

It took a lot of conversation to get comfortable without the delightful banter the blonde would bring with him anywhere he went. Those once deliberately avoided talks of conspiracies or theories now sorely missed. It seemed as if Darla missed them too, with how she would reference Bernard’s theories here and there just to keep Tim talking so the two of them wouldn’t go quiet.

“Tim? Do you really think he’s dealing with something more…delicate?” The question asked so particularly that Tim thought for a moment she knew that he knew about her life at home.
Instead of freaking out about it though, Tim thought it might be good to let her know someone understood and was actually in her corner to truly help and not abuse being friends with a mob boss’s daughter.

“Yeah, I do. Not everyone can be blessed with those horrific scenes laid out before them regularly” Tim didn’t smile but he did let out a sad huffed chuckle. Darla only rolled her eyes smiling a little before nodding as he proved her suspicions right. He could tell she felt terrible for shoving Bernard away like she did. Leaving him there to question what was happening. Some space was needed though and they both understand that. He just hoped Bernard understood that too.

Things got lighter after that conversation, moving them onto some more serious topics that could be passed as their norm for now. Tim shared some of the stories of his parents being gone and left with nothing but empty echoing halls and Darla shared the times her father would have intense dinners that’d end in gunfire. To the two of them however that was just the light stuff that’d be easy to share and get an understanding of one another now that there wasn’t the blonde. Nothing too terrible when the dark humor between them could cover things with a soft fluffy layer so as to not penetrate the delicate peace they had at the moment.

It wasn’t till someone tapped on the shoulder of the dark haired boy did they look around themselves. It wasn’t who they were expecting but it made Tim instantly jump up from the seat smiling and hugging the man so fast it was as if they’d been apart for years.

Darla gave a questioning look between the two of them but they seemed to be related in some way. Those blue eyes and sleek ravennette hair they both had. The clearly older guy was much darker than the poor pasty Tim Drake and seemed to take care of the black curly mullet he had.
“Ahem.”

Tim snapping out of it and letting go of the older guy, he smiled, shaking his head being unable to contain his clear childlike glee at seeing the other man.
“Right, sorry. Darla this is; Richard Grayson. My-..uh..”

“Brother. And please, call me Dick or just Grayson is fine” Grayson? Spoke in a soft tone that seemed how a mother would speak to a child that’d just scraped up their knee. It was tinted in a soft way though with the soft roll of the r’s in his speaking hinting at a hidden accent. Darla was only able to pick up on this from the clear experiences with similar accents during her days with her father’s men. Grayson held his hand out for a second, seeming to glance at Drake to ask if this was appropriate or okay for the girl before him.

Tim nodded subtly, trying not to make that decision for Darla but rather a soft encouragement which led to Darla’s cheeks heating up in the slightest of ways as she took the older man's hand. It wasn’t so much from shaking Tim’s older brother’s hand but just that soft look that Drake had given her. It made her feel like she had been floating for a second and something within her seemed to shift. It was comforting to her, something she often didn’t have.

After a moment of shaking hands both people took their respective hands back and Grayson sat with the two. Instead of sitting in the open seat next to Tim, that coincidentally Bernard had started taking up more and refused to sit in seeing as it was; ‘Tim’s assigned seat’ as Bernard had screeched at Darla one day. It still felt too empty, even with three people now occupying the small seated bar area.

A soft cough was heard from Tim as he looked at Grayson to signal the other boy to start explaining why he was there.

“Right, Right sorry! I was just visiting good ole dad to figure some things out and I thought I’d stop by to see how you were doing. You know…I was planning on walking over to your school and calling you out the rest of the day. But…no one could miss that dark head of yours.” Grayson raised an eyebrow at the other boy with a small smirk glancing at Darla quickly in a way that only a Bat could tell was mentioning what was between the two of them.

Tim had also picked up on the use of ‘dad’ which he didn’t quite know if the other man was just referring to the fact he told Darla they were brothers and wanted to keep that rues or if he had actually talked to Bruce about a new mission or lead. The last option seemed more likely as Dick didn’t usually visit from Bloodhaven since the whole thing with Jason. Which would usually lead Tim down to a spiral but he just wanted to relish in the fact that Dick had openly and willingly chosen that as his cover.

Tim snapped out of the analysis of that for a moment and felt a burning embarrassment raise to his cheeks as he thought about the last thing Dick did and how this all would look from the outside and just shook his head.
“Well.. there seemed to be something at school neither of us wanted to deal with for the time being.” It was put in a soft way yet still had an edge to it. Which wasn’t at all what he intended but from the way Darla’s eyes lit with gratified furry was all that told Tim that things within himself might not be what he’s portraying outwardly.

“Ah, I see” Grayson let out a soft chuckle before turning to Darla and smiling.
‘Well, maybe I could help the two of you?” It was that of an offer a mother would give a child if they’d fallen and needed a simple kiss on the knee and bandage to fix it. Tim only rolled his eyes with a soft smile. That smile was all Darla wanted to look at as she glanced at the other but as she turned back to Grayson she could see that it was something the other man was accustomed to. It almost made her envious of how things were between the two of them and she couldn't quite decipher if it was out of a sisterly love or an infatuation with the famous Drake. After all, they had started to grow quite close to one another over these last few months.

“I think me and Tim have it figured out for the time being, thank you for the offer however” Darla used her mobsters daughter voice in a tone that said enough. Dick smiled again as if he was totally unaffected by it and instead moved to place a hand on her shoulder. The curly haired girl was surprised by this but instead of anger and frustration bubbling up, it felt like a soft blanket being wrapped around her after eating cookies with milk.

It felt nice to have this comfort after so long of having to deal with things on her own. Even if she was her daddys little girl that would be given the world if she asked, it felt so much better just to be reassured that there was genuine help being offered. Not just handling it for her but rather helping her through it.

“Well if you change your mind I’m just one call off of Tim’s phone” Grayson smiled, it seemed as if that soft look never left his face. Like there was hope and determination mixed into something still childlike yet protective.

Darla nodded at this, unable to tell if she wanted to change her mind right then and there at the soft words she was being given on a silver platter that she felt she didn't deserve after all the horrific acts she’s seen. It brought a feeling of stinging to her eyes that she was quick to blink away. She hadn’t even noticed Tim had taken her hand under the small counter they were sitting at. He gave it a soft squeeze to bring her back into the present which really helped.

Grayson didn’t even miss a beat at her seemingly emotionally compromised state and instead furthered conversation into a different direction.
“Sooooo, how has public school been?”

Tim let go of Darla’s hand and took a massive sip from his milkshake as he groaned out. Grayson erupted into a fit of laughter at that. Shaking his head as his long black mullet shook behind him was something Darla seemed to be infected by as she started to giggle too. Although she agreed with Tim about the state of school SUCKING, she hadn’t expected that reaction out of Tim.

“IT SUCKS!! I don’t know WHY they decided to send me there of ALL PLACES! Could be worse but it one hundred eighty percent could be better! You should’ve seen my first period today!” Tim had an ease in his voice that Dalra usually didn’t get to see. He seemed like a normal teenage boy, not someone who was well beyond his years which Darla had been becoming more and more accustomed to.

It brought a genuine smile to her face as she tried to sip her shake around the smile. She seemed to miss her mouth completely and got it on her cheek instead which only led Grayson to more laughter which led to Tim noticing and laughing as well. Drake had ended up reaching over with one of the napkins given to them and wiped the green shake from her cheek. It made her giggle as well but she felt it die out far sooner than the rest of the boy's fits of giggles seeing how it just reminded her of the times before Tim popped up into her life and it had just been her and Bernard against the world in this little shake shack.

Hearing Tim mention the first period teacher reminded her how they had even originally decided to end up at the shake shack. It’d been to give Bernard a break and to make the boy feel better. However it ended up with Darla and Tim, mad at the blonde, trying to comfort herself rather than her long term best friend. She was still so so so very aggravated and deeply hurt by him lying, especially considering their history. Bernard knew how she felt about such a thing and still decided to drive that metaphorical knife into her back. She huffed out a small sigh before slipping back into the moment with the two blue eyed boys, just wanting to forget about the blonde. Something she’d promised him that she’d never do…

“Don’t forget me! Especially after high school when you get all crazy powerful like your dad!” That iconic chuckling echoed through the memory as the words slipped through her brain.

“HA! I couldn’t forget you even if I wanted to!! AND I’VE WANTED TO!-” She laughed with him before she realized she was the only one laughing in the memory from that. She hadn’t recognized that before. Bernard had stopped laughing abruptly, she didn’t remember it like that, she’d always thought the boy had laughed with him till they collapsed on the table. The more she heard only her own laughter in that memory the more she understood that they both had not collapsed from laughter but rather the blonde had smiled slightly and put his head in his arms.

He’d been upset…not laughing.
“I’ll never forget you, don't worry!” She remembers abruptly blurting out to the boy and that had been the widest grin she’d ever seen him break out into.

Had she done exactly what Bernard had done to her. Sitting there letting the memory fade she shrugged it off. It wasn’t even a conscious thing anymore, she’d told herself she’d forget about him for now so that was exactly what she was going to do. There were just so many complicated feelings when it came to the stupid peacock of a boy she’d associated herself with. She’d end up getting mad and right now she was planning on enjoying her time away from the backstabber.

Darla took a sip of her drink before joining in on the conversation again. Whenever she was with Tim she didn’t have those difficult feelings, rather she felt normal. Maybe that’s what she wanted most. To feel normal for once.