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Chapter Text

Qiu Jianluo was angry.

No matter what Shen Jiu did, Qiu Jianluo always seemed to find fault in his actions and take his anger out on him. Whether it be cleaning, feeding the horses in the stables, or even sleeping a moment longer than the others, Shen Jiu inevitably received a beating. Usually, by the time Shen Jiu stopped crying out and was rendered unable to move, Qiu Jianluo became satisfied and left him to tend to his wounds on his own. Today, however, he immediately knew something wasn’t right.

Shen Jiu’s wrists were bound in front of him by a thick rope as he remained motionless on his stomach, bruises covering what felt like every inch of his skin. His robes were wet from blood and he could only imagine what kind of sorry state he was in. It had been almost a minute since Qiu Jianluo had stopped kicking him in the ribs and he assumed the beating was over. Only, he hadn’t left yet. Although the room was dark, Shen Jiu could still feel Qiu Jianluo looking over him.

He should have left by now, Shen Jiu thought. Why hasn’t he left yet?

Shen Jiu somehow gained the confidence to sneak a peek at the figure above him — and what a huge mistake that was. Qiu Jianluo was staring at him, looking him up and down. After a moment, a hand reached down and Shen Jiu closed his eyes, preparing for another beating “for being disrespectful” by making eye contact. However, the fist never came. Instead, he felt a hand roughly grab his shoulder and turn him over onto his back. Shen Jiu squirmed, trying to break free, but Qiu Jianluo grabbed his bound wrists and pressed them on the floor above his head.

There was something in the look that he gave him that immediately sent chills up Shen Jiu’s spine.

“Father mentioned that some of the slaves were old enough to accompany him and his guests,” he said, keeping one hand on Shen Jiu’s wrists while using the other to caress his face. Shen Jiu wanted to bite him. “I realized that I wouldn’t be able to keep my Xiao-Jiu to myself for much longer without having to share.” Qiu Jianluo leaned down, his lips nearly grazing his ear. “I don’t like to share.”

Shen Jiu’s blood ran cold. Hearing the name Qi-ge had given him on someone else’s lips made him feel sick. The way Qiu Jianluo seemed to curve around each letter, the way he whispered it in his ear, Shen Jiu was filled with the urge to run. He began pulling at the ropes on his wrists, but the beating from earlier rendered him too weak to break free. Qiu Jianluo smirked at his weak attempts to escape. Using his free hand, he reached down and untied Shen Jiu’s belt before undoing his own.

“Please stop,” Shen Jiu, finding his voice amidst his rising panic, began pleading with his attacker. He hadn’t been afraid of his beatings in a long time — they had long since become routine to him. But the look in Qiu Jianluo’s eyes, the way he was feeling underneath his clothes, touching him in ways that made him feel dirty, Shen Jiu was quickly becoming acquainted with a fear he had never felt before.

—

Qiu Jianluo left a while ago, yet Shen Jiu remained on the floor. His clothes were ripped even more than from his beating and some of his wounds had reopened. The chill of the night sunk deep into his bones, but he found that he could not get up in search of warmth. He could still feel a pair of hands on his waist, hands on his chest, hands touching places that made him want to vomit. These phantom hands held him down to the ground, so that was where he remained, wishing the darkness of the room would swallow him whole.

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Shen Qingqiu woke up in a cold sweat, his unkempt hair sticking to his forehead. He was alone in his bamboo hut, yet he couldn’t help but feel the lingering touches of Qiu Jianluo all over his body. He sat shaking in his bed, breathing heavily and his eyes darting around the room, although he didn’t know what exactly he was looking for. He remained like that for hours, not present until after the sun had fully risen and classes began.

Chapter Text

The disciples of Qing Jing Peak noticed something was off with their shizun the moment he showed up to their guqin lessons with a hollow look in his eyes. The problem wasn’t in his eyes, but rather that their shizun had even shown up at all. 

Ever since the Immortal Alliance Conference, Shen Qingqiu had kept to himself, only speaking to the disciples if they approached him while he was wandering the peak. Sometimes Ning Ying Ying would find him at the sword mound, but she never had the heart to interrupt him. She had overheard Mu-shishu tell another peak lord that it wasn’t healthy for him to be grieving as long as he was, but she didn’t know how to help him. He had stopped attending classes, leaving the scholars and musicians on the peak to fill in for him.

And now, here he was, in the doorway of the classroom, looking even more tired than usual.

“S-shizun!” Ming Fan suddenly stood up from his mat and turned to greet him. The other disciples noticed and greeted their shizun as well. “M-may this one ask why shizun came to visit during these disciples’ guqin lessons?”

Shen Qingqiu opened his fan, waving it idly in front of the lower half of his face. “Is your shizun not allowed to see how well his disciples are learning?” He watched as Ming Fan’s face reddened, trying to correct himself.

“Of course not shizun! This one was only happy that shizun came to watch,” Ming Fan, noticing after a moment that Shen Qingqiu was not going to respond, shuffled back to his guqin, the other disciples doing the same. The class resumed, and yet Shen Qingqiu’s mind was elsewhere.

What the hell was that dream last night? He had tried asking the System why it decided to torture him with the worst night's sleep ever, only before remembering that the system was not responding to him. It hadn’t, not since-

Anyways, his nightmares were usually of Luo Binghe ripping his limbs off, not, um, whatever that was. Thinking back to the dream made him feel sick. He already knew things like that happened, both in his world and this one, but having experienced it firsthand last night made him queasy. His dreams were never that realistic either. 

Yet he had felt every punch and kick. He had felt the ropes that bound his wrists. And he could still feel hands on him. The hands that touched him when he was just a boy. Sure, he regularly got beatings as a slave, but that one was different. It was- 

Wait.

It was just a dream. He was never actually a slave. That never happened to him.

It was just a dream.

By the time guqin lessons were over, their shizun had vanished just as suddenly as he had arrived.

--

Shen Qingqiu didn’t want to be alone. He sure as hell did not want to go wailing to one of the peak lords like a lonely maiden looking for comfort, but he didn’t feel like fighting his demons by himself today. It was just a dream, after all. Maybe it was Meng Mo. Who knows what that guy would do? The last time he had sent Shen Qingqiu into a dream, he became a human stick. But, after thinking about it, he was pretty sure Meng Mo was still with Luo Binghe. 

Shen Qingqiu ended up following his students to their classes all day, arriving just after they started and leaving just before classes ended. He didn’t want to have to answer any of his disciples’ questions, after all. He wasn’t actually paying attention to the classes. He was just trying to show his disciples that he was still a capable teacher.

He had too much on his mind to notice Ning Ying Ying fumbling over her sword forms. 

--

It was night and Shen Qingqiu had never felt more exhausted in his life. He was still fit, okay? It’s just that, lately, he’s been sitting in his bamboo house more. And he hasn’t really talked to or been around so many people in the last few months. It felt like he was speed-running all of the socializing he had missed out on since the Immortal Alliance Conference. He just has a lot of planning to do for the next five years, alright? There’s just too much on his mind. He’s definitely not depressed. Not at all.

Shen Qingqiu was sitting at a low table in the bamboo house. He figured he would look over some of the reports that he’d been ignoring the last few months. He had made his appearance in a few classes today, so he might as well keep up the act of a competent peak lord. He pulled a paper off the top of the stack that had been getting taller by the day and quickly got to work. 

Before Shen Qingqiu’s brush even made contact with the paper, there was a sudden knock on the door. Who was it at this hour? Didn’t they know he was supposed to be in bed?

Shen Qingqiu stood up, smoothed out his rumpled robes, and walked towards the door. All of his disciples should be in bed right now. The peak better be on fire for one of them to be knocking on his door so late at night. He was surprised, instead, to find Liu Qingge standing at his door. So his shidi did know how to knock on a door. What a development! He had never been more proud of his martial brother.

“Liu-shidi,” he stated, fake annoyance filling his voice. He was so happy to have a distraction from the paperwork he had barely even looked over. “What brings you here so late?”

Liu Qingge stood there, his posture as stiff as usual. Shidi! You are the Bai Zhan Peak Lord. Maybe do a few stretches here in there? You can’t be a warlord and be as stiff as a board. You’re gonna hurt yourself!

“Shen Qingqiu,” Liu Qingge looked him up and down a few times before looking him in the eyes. Rude, Liu-Shidi. “I heard you made an appearance in your disciples’ classes today.” Which one of his disciples snitched on him? He was going to make them run laps around the peak for sure. And it's not like it’s unusual for a teacher to look after his students. Maybe he’s been slacking lately, but they shouldn’t be that surprised.

“I was only checking on my students’ progress, Shidi,” Shen Qingqiu flicked his fan open. “Am I not allowed to do so?” 

Liu Qingge squinted his eyes, looking at Shen Qingqiu. It was a moment before he seemed to have found what he was looking for. “Not at all,” he stated, glancing past him and at the table Shen Qingqiu had been sitting at just moments before. “May I come in?”

Shen Qingqiu looked back to see just how much of a mess his bamboo house was. It was definitely cluttered, but Liu Qingge had already made eye contact with the lot of it, so there was no point in asking him to wait so he could hurry and clean it. Shen Qingqiu stepped away from the door to allow his shidi inside. 

Liu Qingge sat down at the low table, opposite of where Shen Qingqiu had just been sitting and glanced over the paperwork he had been pretending to be busy with. Shen QIngqiu walked over to the kitchen and grabbed his favorite teapot. 

“Tea?” Shen Qingqiu looked around the corner at Liu Qingge while he called out. His shidi stuck his hand out in polite refusal, much to his un-surprise. A few moments of brewing tea later, Shen Qingqiu sat across from Liu Qingge. 

“I assume you didn’t just come to inquire about my whereabouts today, Liu-Shidi,” Shen Qingqiu asked, pouring himself a cup of his favorite floral tea before looking back up at Liu Qingge. 

“Mn,” he started. “I came to clear your meridians.” Ah, that's right. Shen Qingqiu had been avoiding getting his meridians cleansed for a while. It was definitely overdue.

“Of course,” he huffed, reaching his hand across the table while still drinking his tea with the other. He closed his eyes. He might as well get comfortable, after all. 

Liu Qingge reached over and grabbed his wrist, slowly channeling in his qi. 

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t breathe. The hand on his wrist was burning him. He jerked his eyes open. Instead of Liu Qingge, he saw Qiu Jianluo holding his wrist down. He was no longer in the Bamboo house, but instead, a dark room in Qiu Manor. Suddenly, Shen Qingqiu was too small. Too weak. He tried pulling away, but he was met with unmatched strength. Unable to fight, he began pleading again, as he had done the last time Qiu Jianluo used him as more than an outlet for his anger.

“Please stop! Please, not again! Please,” Shen Jiu cried out. He could feel tears fall down his cheeks and panicked even more. He knew well enough by now that tears made things worse. He kept pulling against Qiu Jianluo, hoping he would gain the strength of a cultivator when suddenly, he let go. Shen Jiu, now free, immediately crawled backward on the floor and looked for an escape route.

He was back in the Bamboo House, a frightened Liu Qingge staring at him with wide eyes. Shen Jiu Qingqiu was back in the present, yet he could not catch his breath. So instead, he sat there, shaking like one of the many leaves in his bamboo forest, his arms wrapping around his legs like the small child he felt like just moments before. 

“Shen Qingqiu! What-” Liu Qingge could not find the words to express what he had just witnessed. The moment he had held onto Shen Qingqiu’s wrist, he felt the man’s qi begin to circulate erratically, something that could have been the beginning of a qi deviation had he not let go of his arm. 

Shen Qingqiu’s eyes had been unseeing, and yet they appeared to be watching the most horrific scene unfold in front of him. He looked so small. One moment he was fine, and the next he was practically begging Liu Qingge to let go. And he was so weak. Shen Qingqiu should have been able to at least pull his arm out from his grasp. It wasn’t like he was trying to keep him from escaping. 

And he was crying. He had never seen Shen Qingqiu cry before. Not even at the Immortal Alliance Conference. Liu Qingge knew he was not equipped to handle whatever was going on with his martial brother. There was no other choice.

With a quick glance at the man who seemed to have at least caught his breath, he ran out of the front door to find any stray disciple up past their curfew. He needed someone to get Mu Qingfang quickly.

Chapter Text

Mu Qingfang walked through the front door of the bamboo house to find Liu Qingge pacing back and forth across the room, his fists clenched at his sides. He had not been given any information other than that he was needed immediately. 

He knew that if Liu Qingge was asking for help, something was likely very wrong with their shixiong.

“Liu-shixiong, it’s rather odd to hear that you of all peak lords have requested me,” he teased. “Do you need assistance in cleansing Shen-shixiong’s meridians?” He stole a glance at the peak lord sitting at the low table, who was closing his eyes and sipping at a cup of tea. 

Mu Qingfang hadn’t seen Shen Qingqiu since the last peak meeting a month ago. He knew his shixiong had been grieving, yet he was looking much worse than he remembered. Shen Qingqiu’s eyes were rimmed red and, although he appeared calm where he sat, he could see his hand slightly shaking.

Mu Qingfang had sent Liu Qingge to assess Without A Cure, knowing that the two had a closer relationship and it would therefore go smoother. He hadn’t expected to hear that Liu Qingge needed his aid.

“Mn,” Liu Qingge stopped pacing and turned to face Mu Qingfang, his jaw clenched. “Shen Qingqiu almost had a qi deviation while I was clearing his meridians.” 

They both turn to look at Shen Qingqiu, who had since traded his teacup for his fan. 

“Liu-shidi is overreacting,” Shen Qingqiu defended, opening his eyes to throw a glare toward Liu Qingge, who glared back. “I had just thought of something mildly upsetting at the same moment he began to clear my meridians.” Shen Qingqiu closed his eyes and began moving his fan, clearly agitated. 

He was fine! A nightmare should be the least of their concerns.

“You were crying!” Liu Qingge threw his arms in the air in exasperation. “Being ‘mildly upset’ doesn’t make you of all people cry! And it certainly shouldn’t make you think I would hurt you!” He began pacing around the room again with his arms crossed.

“Shen-shixiong,” Mu Qingfang moved to sit across from Shen Qingqiu, folding his hands in his lap. “Could you tell me what upset you to the point of crying?” He spoke gently, as if trying not to spook a wild animal. Shidi, I’m not going to up and run from you. I told you I’m fine.

Shen Qingqiu sighed. He couldn’t tell them that he was upset over a nightmare. Everyone was already walking on eggshells around him since the Immortal Alliance Conference. 

“If you must know, I was only remembering something from my youth. An unresolved conflict, if you will. Nothing of actual concern.” If they thought it was something from his childhood, it's not like they could do anything about it and they would have to leave him alone.

Mu Qingfang grew pale. “A memory?” he asked quietly. He and Liu Qingge exchanged a nervous glance before both looking back at Shen Qingqiu. 

Why are you so surprised, shidi? You want me to tell you the truth and make myself look like a fool?

“I told you, shidi,” Shen Qingqiu closed his eyes with a sigh. “It was nothing of importance. Just a memory from long ago. Now, if you would both be so kind, I would like to get some rest.” Please leave. This is embarrassing enough already.

Both of the peak lords looked reluctant to leave.

Shen Qingqiu stood up from the table, influencing Mu Qingfang to do the same. It was one step closer to getting them out the door.

“Are you sure you’re alright, shixiong?” Mu Qingfang searched Shen Qingqiu’s eyes, hoping he might be able to figure out what was going on. Nope! Not happening! He could search all he wanted to, but he was an impenetrable wall. He had spent years perfecting his poker face. 

He looked at Mu Qingfang, and then at Liu Qingge. Both looked somehow more worried than they did when Mu Qingfang first arrived. Whatever was going through their minds, he was too tired to deal with it. It had been a long day of actually performing his duties instead of sitting inside the bamboo house.

“Mu-shidi, I will visit you on Qian Cao Peak if I need anything.” He lied, of course. But neither of the peak lords would leave his house. He would gladly tell them what they wanted to hear if it meant they would go back to their own peaks. 

Liu Qingge gave him a skeptical look, but Mu Qingfang sighed and nodded. “Alright. We will leave you to rest.” 

They both began walking to the front door before Mu Qingfang stopped and looked back at Shen Qingqiu. “If shidi ever needs anything, please do not hesitate to reach out.”

Before Shen Qingqiu had the chance to thank him for his offer, the imposing peak lords left and shut the door behind them.

He waited just a few moments longer before he let the events of the night sink in.

What the hell was that!? Why did he suddenly have a flashback to his dream from last night!? 

He couldn’t believe Liu Qingge saw him like that too. Crying and shaking on the floor like some kid. Lucky for Shen Qingqiu, Liu Qingge was the last person to go around spreading rumors. 

Unlucky for Shen Qingqiu, Mu Qingfang didn’t always keep things quiet.

The last time Without A Cure acted up sooner than expected, Yue Qingyuan was inside the bamboo house within ten minutes of Shen Qingqiu being told about his own condition. Are there no privacy laws in PIDW, Airplane? What happened to confidentiality? 

Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t be too upset with Yue Qingyuan knowing about things if he didn’t have some weird Brother Complex thing going on with the Original. He had no clue what happened in the past between the two, but he shouldn’t have to suffer just because Shen Jiu couldn’t solve their problems. 

Now, every time he saw Yue Qingyuan, he would have to listen to him awkwardly try to correct himself when he called Shen Qingqiu “Xiao-jiu”. He can’t imagine anyone giving the scum villain such a nickname without having a past together. He-

Something clicked in Shen Qingqiu’s mind that should’ve clicked long ago.

Xiao-Jiu.

As in the name the boy in his dream called him. 

Meaning him in the dream was probably…

Oh fuck.

Airplane had some serious explaining to do.

--

The next morning, the disciples of Qiong Ding Peak whispered amongst themselves, trying to figure out why Mu Qingfang was visiting the Sect Leader so early in the morning.

Mu Qingfang had wasted no time last night in sending a letter to Yue Qingyuan, stating that he would be by the following morning. He gave no information regarding what they would be discussing; he couldn’t risk the possibility that Yue Qingyuan would try to check on Shen Qingqiu himself.

Mu Qingfang entered the gardens of Qiong Ding Peak. Yue Qingyuan liked to stroll through his gardens when talking of stressful matters, so Mu Qingfang figured it would be a great location to discuss Shen Qingqiu.

The garden on Qiong Ding Peak was far from the grandest in the sect. After all, some peaks dedicated themselves to growing spiritual plants outside of aesthetic purposes, his own included. That didn’t mean Yue Qingyuans wasn’t one of the most beautiful he had seen. 

The garden had four corners, each dedicated to a different season. In one corner, there were plants such as the Two-Billed Mushrooms that only sprouted in the fall or the Blushing Maple Blossom trees that only produced blossoms in the spring. Due to the overflowing amounts of qi infused in the peaks, each corner grew regardless of season.

In the middle of the garden was a large pavilion overlooking a rather small lotus pond. Gazing at the lotuses from the pavilion was Yue Qingyuan, his hands clasped behind his back in deep thought. 

“Zhangmen-shixiong,” Mu Qingfang greeted with a smile.

“Mu-shidi,” Yue Qingyuan returned, his voice weak. There were dark circles under his eyes from a lack of rest. “Is something the matter with Shen-shidi?”

So he already guessed what Mu Qingfang had come to discuss. He could skip the small talk, then.

“Last night, Liu-shixiong went to Qing Jing Peak to monitor and cleanse Without A Cure.” Yue Qingyuan’s jaw clenched at the mention of the poison. “Liu-shidi said that shixiong began to qi deviate.”

Yue Qingyuan’s eyes grew wide. “How is he now?” he questioned, his shoulders growing tense.

Mu Qingfang began walking down the steps of the pavilion to begin circling the pond. Yue Qingyuan followed.

“I have yet to check on Shen-shixiong again, but he appeared to have recovered fairly quickly by the time I arrived last night.”

Yue Qingyuan sighed, looking down at the ground as they continued to walk.

“Shen-shixiong… he said something rather concerning last night.” He glanced at Yue Qingyuan, monitoring his face as he began again. “He said he remembered something from his childhood. Something so upsetting that, not only did he begin to qi deviate, but Liu-shidi said he had cried.”

Yue Qingyuan stopped walking and stared back at Mu Qingfang, his mouth agape.

“Memories?” He practically whispered.

Mu Qingfang stopped walking as well. 

All of the peak lords had a meeting sometime after Shen Qingqiu awoke from his first qi deviation. All except Shen Qingqiu, of course. 

After much discussion, they had decided that this qi deviation had likely erased most of Shen Qingqiu’s memories, resulting in his more pleasant temperament. Their sect leader seemed to be the only peak lord upset by the development.

Everybody had assumed that, whatever those memories were, they must have really awful if they could change a person’s entire personality just by vanishing.

None of them had expected that the memories would come back, especially so soon.

“He had said that it was only ‘mildly upsetting’, although Liu-shidi told me that Shen-shixiong looked afraid, as if he was scared that Liu-shidi would hurt him.”

Yue Qingyan opened his mouth to say something, then closed it.

So Mu Qingfang continued.

“This one understands that Zhangmen-shixiong and Shen-shixiong share a past.” Yue Qingyuan’s expression was distant, yet controlled. “If you have any idea as to what this memory could be, this one would appreciate your input.”

Yue Qingyuan remained silent for a moment before finally speaking up. “I will let Mu-shidi know if I think of anything.” His eyes focused on the horizon. So many emotions swirled inside of him.

A few moments of silence passed. 

Mu Qingfang, realizing that the sect leader did not wish to speak more, said his farewell and retreated from the garden.

Once he was sure the healer had left, Yue Qingyuan took a shuddering breath and slumped onto a bench by the pond.

A memory so bad it made Shen Qingqiu cry? He had never seen his Xiao-Jiu cry even once in their years together. The only time he had not been able to see if Xiao-Jiu had cried was while he had left the Qiu Manor. 

Had he cried then?

Yue Qingyuan had always been so distraught at the idea of his shidi forgetting him. It gave him no chance to try to undo the wrongs he committed against him.

And yet.

The idea that Shen Qingqiu may have remembered their final goodbye. The betrayal that Yue Qingyuan committed against him. 

He didn’t know which to fear more.

Chapter Text

Shen Qingqiu sat up from his desk with a start, a silent scream stuck in his throat. He was covered in sweat, his hair stuck to his face and neck. His hands were trembling.

After Mu Qingfang and Liu Qingge left his bamboo house, Shen Qingqiu had a great idea not to sleep that night; after all, immortals could go a while without sleep, right? In the meantime, he planned to finish off the pile of papers that sat on the corner of his desk. However, his lack of sleep from the night before had other plans, and within the first hour, he had fallen into a fitful sleep.

He had dreamt of Shen Jiu again, although this time was different from the first. He was in a different room lying down on his stomach with his wrists tied behind his back. Instead of Qiu Jianluo, it was a wrinkled man with white hair, leaning over him, his hands lingering in places that made him gag.

Shen Qingqiu had to force himself to stop imagining it. Why was he having these dreams? One dream was fine; it was probably the system forgetting to lock away one of the memories. Two dreams? He didn’t even want to consider the possibility that there would likely be more. Let alone, what that meant for him.

The more Shen Qingqiu thought about the dream, the less of a grasp he had on holding himself together. He clenched his fists, yet it didn’t stop the trembling. No matter how fast he breathed, it felt as if there was no air in his lungs.

Get it together! You’re supposed to be an immortal peak lord!

He took a few deep breaths. And then a few more. Moments like these made him wish he had gone to therapy in his past life.

After a few minutes of focusing on his breathing, he was pretty confident that he could, at the very least, pretend he wasn’t on the verge of a panic attack in front of his students. 

Shen Qingqiu looked outside the window. The sun was starting to rise.

Classes would begin soon.

If he wasn’t going to get his act together now, he was not going to be able to uphold his reputation in front of his disciples. 

Shen Qingqiu glanced down at the papers he used as a pillow last night, noticing the smudged ink. It probably smeared onto his face last night.

Shen Qingqiu sighed, pushing off of the desk to support himself as he stood up. His body was sore and his neck stiff. It didn’t matter. It was just one more thing to add to his growing list of current problems.

He walked over to the vanity in the corner of the room, leaning over to check for any ink smudges in his bronze mirror. Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but gasp as he locked eyes with his reflection.

The person in front of him was ghastly. He had dark circles under his eyes and his cheeks were hollowed out. His bedhead did not improve his image in the slightest. He ran his fingers along his cheekbones, noticing how prominent they seemed to be now. It looked as if he had lost weight.

He hadn’t gotten the chance to eat any of Binghe’s cooking recently, but he shouldn’t be looking that bad.

And besides, he had a fully formed core. He could practice inedia if he wanted to.

Was this weak excuse of an immortal peak lord the one his martial siblings saw? The immortal master that his students expected to guide them to become better cultivators?

He looked away, unable to bear the sight any longer. 

I deserve this much considering what I did to him.

Shen Qingqiu looked around the room. After the events of last night, he didn’t get the chance to clean his room. In fact, it seemed to be even messier than before. 

Shen Qingqiu was ashamed to admit that, in his past life, this room would have been considered clean to him. He was lucky if he could see the floor in his old apartment, with clothes and boxes from online shipments covering every surface. As the control freak peak lord he had transmigrated into, he normally would say that he could not allow it. 

But now? 

He was exhausted. He hadn’t slept much the past two days and therefore felt it was perfectly acceptable to leave the mess for future him. He needed to go attend his students’ classes today and would be late if he were to clean before they started.

--

Shen Qingqiu took a deep breath and stepped out the front door of the bamboo house. The fresh air was invigorating, and he felt like he might actually be okay at classes today. He looked to his right, admiring the deep greens of the bamboo forest. Maybe after classes, he would take a stroll down the paths. He glanced over to his left, admiring Liu Qingge leaning against his bamboo house.

…

WTF?!

It took everything within Shen Qingqiu to suppress the scream that rose from his throat. So instead, he just stared. 

Liu Qingge’s eyes were closed with his arms folded across his chest. He looked breathtakingly beautiful even while -- meditating? Sleeping? Shen Qingqiu couldn't tell. Cheng Luan sat on his right, catching the morning sunlight and throwing it toward Shen Qingqiu, forcing him to squint. Shen Qingqiu would have made a joke about how Liu Qingge was ‘blinding’ to look at if it weren’t for the damn sword taking it too literally.

He cleared his throat. “Shidi.” Liu Qingge’s nose twitched the tiniest bit before opening his eyes. So he was just meditating after all. But why? Had Liu Qingge not slept on his own peak?

Was he here all night ?

“Shen Qingqiu,” Liu Qingge greeted, leaning off the wall and turning to face him. Liu Qingge’s eyes looked him up and down, before settling atop his head, He stared just long enough to make Shen Qingqiu uncomfortable before saying. “Your hair.”

Shen Qingqiu’s brows furrowed together until he remembered that he hadn’t done his hair this morning. Shen Qingqiu internally wept for his image. How would he ever convince his martial brothers and sisters that he was fine when they only saw him at his worst?

Too distracted from mourning his reputation, Shen Qingqiu only noticed the hand reaching out for him when it was mere inches from his face. He flinched back, his hand held in a tight fist in case he needed to defend himself. With staggered breathing, he looked up at a wide-eyed Liu Qingge. 

Aw fuck, not again.

Shen Qingqiu did his best to salvage the situation. “Ah, Shidi, you startled me,” he huffed, smoothing out his robes with both hands. He was getting better at pulling himself together. “May I ask what you were doing?”

Liu Qingge’s hand was back at his side. “I-” he stopped, rapidly blinking before looking away. “Can I fix your hair for you?”

Shen Qingqiu stared. He stared some more. Why did the Bai Zhan Peak Lord want to do his hair? Is he trying to make up for what happened last night?

Just as he was about to reject Liu Qingge’s offer and fix his hair himself, he remembered one important detail. 

He didn’t know how to do his hair. 

Luo Binghe had taken it upon himself, along with the cooking and cleaning, to help his shizun do his hair. Shen Qingqiu had never gotten used to his long hair and, therefore, allowed Luo Binghe to do it for him. He didn’t want to take away something that seemed to make his disciple so happy, and therefore never learned how to do it himself.

He regretted that decision now more than ever.

In any other situation, Shen Qingqiu would say, “No, absolutely not” to protect his pride, but he knew better. If he went inside now to do his hair, he would have to look in the mirror. He could not risk having another crisis in front of Liu Qingge. So, instead, he said, “Do what you wish.”

Although he did not smile, Liu Qingge looked pleased. He reached into his sleeve and pulled out -- a comb? Shidi, why do you have a comb in your sleeve right now ? Liu Qingge was the last person to stop and fix his hair. In fact, the only time Shen Qingqiu had ever seen his shidi with slightly imperfect hair was in the Lingxi Caves.

Liu Qingge stepped behind Shen Qingqiu, comb in hand, and began to brush his hair. Shen Qingqiu turned just enough to see him in his peripheral vision. His shidi raised a brow at this, but said nothing. 

He started at the ends, careful not to tug at the knots, and slowly worked his way up. Shen Qingqiu was shocked by how gentle he was. Shidi, who knew you could be so gentle? As strange as the situation was, he couldn’t help but sigh at how Liu Qingge was practically massaging his scalp.

Liu Qingge’s ears turned red at the sound. Shen Qingqiu wanted to tease but held back. Liu Qingge quickly finished combing through his hair before placing the comb back into his sleeve. Shen Qingqiu turned his head and was surprised to see he holding a jade hair stick in his hand.

It was beautiful -- carved to resemble a white lily and was decorated with small jade beads. 

It was clearly expensive and definitely not Liu Qingge’s style.

“Look forward,” he instructed, and Shen Qingqiu did. Liu Qingge twisted half of his hair into something that resembled a bun and poked the hair stick through. He took a step back and, after a moment, hummed in satisfaction. 

Shen Qingqiu turned around and looked back at Liu Qingge. Not only were his ears red, but his entire face was flushed.

“Shidi, although I appreciate this, I must ask,” he asked, raising his hand to touch his hair. He could feel how smooth it was -- something he hadn’t felt since Luo Binghe had last combed through his hair. Liu Qingge eyed the motion. “What are you doing here so early in the morning?” He opened his fan and hid the lower half of his face.

“Mu-shidi asked me to monitor your health,” he responded casually. Liu Qingge never seemed to understand the complete impact of his words. Had he said that to the Original Shen Qingqiu, the latter might have stormed both Bai Zhan and Qian Cao Peaks in a fit of rage. 

Shen Qingqiu sighed. Of course Mu Qingfang didn’t trust him to be on his own after last night’s… episode. He wasn’t labeled as a caring and sympathetic healer in PIDW for nothing. “As you can see, I am fine,” he stated, waving his fan in irritation. “You can return to your peak now.” Shen Qingqiu was going to be late. He hadn’t expected to get stopped at his front door on the way out and receive a makeover. He started down the steps of the bamboo house, turning his back on Liu Qingge. 

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t believe that Mu Qingfang had left Liu Qingge all night to keep watch. Did the healer think he was going to qi deviate all because of one bad night? He was just tired! It did concern him, however, that he didn’t sense that Liu Qingge was outside his bamboo house all night. He really did need to get a full night's sleep.

After about a minute of walking, Shen Qingqiu heard footsteps following behind him. His heart raced as he whipped his head around and saw Liu Qingge marching up to him. Shen Qingqiu raised his fan to his face, his jaw clenched.

“Shidi.” He raised a brow. “I don’t need any supervision to visit my disciples’ classes.” Why was he still here? Liu-shidi, I don’t need a babysitter, thank you very much. 

Liu Qingge made no move to leave. Unfortunately, Shen Qingqiu had no fight left in him. Maybe the scholarly atmosphere will bore him to the point of leaving. He was sure that only a few minutes in a class focused on calligraphy would be enough to send the peak lord speeding back to Bai Zhan on his sword.

--

Shen Qingqiu’s disciples had a hard time focusing during class and he couldn’t blame them. Not when their shishu stood in the back of the room, looking around at each of them. It was already a shock that their shizun had made an appearance in their classroom two days in a row. And now the last peak lord they expected to see in their calligraphy lesson was standing next to him, his face scrutinizing. They tried their best to look toward the front of the class, but they couldn’t help but glance at the two peak lords standing in the back of the room.

Shen Qingqiu had difficulty focusing as well. Why did he have another nightmare of Shen Jiu? If the system was still up and running, there was a chance he would be able to find his answer there, probably in the form of a mission. Mentally, he called out, “System, what kind of dreams are you sending me, huh?” He didn't expect to hear a response, but the fact that the system still didn’t give any sort of answer, not even a hint, made him uneasy. 

Shen Qingqiu tried to remember if PIDW had mentioned the Original having nightmares. Still, PIDW never mentioned anything about Shen Qingqiu other than when Luo Binghe had dug into his background and found that his real name was Shen Jiu. 

He wasn’t positive that the dreams were even about the Original. He may have only heard the name “Xiao-Jiu” called once in his nightmare, but he’s heard Yue Qingyuan slip up more than he could count. He assumed the nickname belonged to the owner of his body, but he couldn’t figure out anything beyond that.

Shen Qingqiu was torn away from his thoughts when he felt something touch his arm. Jumping back slightly, he snapped his head around to see Liu Qingge lowering his hand and nodding his head toward the class.

“-Shizun.” He heard a student call out from the front of the class. He looked over. It was Ning Yingying, holding her brush and looking miserable. “I don’t understand how this happened.” She cast her eyes down, looking ashamed. She had always struggled with calligraphy, and so Shen Qingqiu walked toward her table. It was a good thing he had mastered the art of Shen Qingqiu’s poker face, or else his jaw may have dropped. 

He honestly didn’t know what he was reading. The characters were completely illegible and it looked like she may have smeared the wet ink across the page. Shen Qingqiu glanced at her sleeve, noticing smudged ink. He sighed. He didn’t realize that his absence from their classes could have hindered their learning. It's not like I even teach you guys anything. The most he had ever done was either shake his head or nod in approval when his disciples looked for validation.

“Alright,” Shen Qingqiu said, looking over Ning Yingying’s shoulder. “Start over and show me.” 

--

Since his qi deviation in the Lingxi Caves, Liu Qingge had watched Shen Qingqiu. Saving him was completely out of character and Liu Qingge was not convinced that Shen Qingqiu had changed. He figured the burst of qi which saved his life was actually meant to kill him.

And so he watched.

He watched as Shen Qingqiu saved the disciple he despised so much and took an incurable poison in his place. Liu Qingge watched his shixiong accept his life sentence, asking Mu Qingfang how long he had left to live with resignation. Shen Qingqiu allowed Mu Qingfang and Liu Qingge to treat him for Without A Cure every few weeks while saying things such as “I truly am fine” and “Don’t worry about me, Liu-shidi”. 

He watched Shen Qingqiu stare off into the distance when he believed no one else was paying attention. He would look upset, scowling at the sky and gripping his fan until his knuckles turned white. Liu Qingge watched him smile for the first time since they had met. Shen Qingqiu had smiled when his disciples picked up on difficult sword forms. When he ate anything sweet. When Liu Qingge returned his fans from where he left them on other peaks.

Liu Qingge watched Shen Qingqiu, the man who made it his job to turn everyone against him with his sharp tongue and cruel remarks, finally become happy.

And then his blasted disciple had fallen into the Endless Abyss, ruining everything.

He watched as Shen Qingqiu stopped smiling. He stopped doing anything, really. He rarely left his bamboo house, and when he did, he would stare at the sword mound made for his disciple for hours on end. Liu Qingge had overheard from a group of Qing Jing Peak disciples that Shen Qingqiu had called out for Luo Binghe inside his bamboo house

Last night, Liu Qingge watched as Shen Qingqiu fell apart.

Shen Qingqiu was on the floor, shaking and crying, and yet all he did was watch. Mu Qingfang had asked that Liu Qingge stay and monitor Shen Qingqiu overnight, and so he did. But what difference would he have made when all he could ever do was watch? 

This morning, Liu Qingge watched Shen Qingqiu. He noticed the way he jumped at small noises and light touches on his arms. The way he was both incredibly aware and unaware of his surroundings all at once, keeping Liu Qingge in his peripheral sight yet being unable to hear his disciples calling his name in class. Liu Qingge didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t a fool to think that Shen Qingqiu only needed to be watched, but he had no idea what he should do to help his shixiong. 

And so he started by brushing his hair. Shen Qingqiu walked out of the bamboo house with uncombed hair and Liu Qingge jumped at the opportunity. Although confused and somewhat wary, Shen Qingqiu did not refuse and even seemed content with the action. Confident that he had done a good job, Liu Qingge decided to follow him to class and saw, for the first time, that something had changed.

Shen Qingqiu went over to help his only female disciple with her calligraphy, something Liu Qingge would never understand the importance of. As she listened to his criticisms and finally wrote her paper correctly, that was when Liu Qingge saw it. He watched as the corners of Shen Qingqiu’s lips turned upwards into a smile for the first time in months.

Chapter Text

The path to An Ding Peak’s Peak Lord house was long and mostly uphill. It wasn’t too bad for Shen Qingqiu, (after all, the route to his Bamboo house wasn’t any better) but he couldn’t imagine Shang Qinghua walking up these steps without getting winded. Perhaps the hack-author flew on his sword. Or maybe Mobei-Jun teleported him everywhere. 

He thought about it for a moment.

No matter how hard he tried, Shen Qingqiu just couldn’t picture Mobei-Jun agreeing to teleport Shang Qinghua anywhere that wasn’t demon-related. He actually couldn’t imagine him agreeing to anything at all. Shen Qingqiu had only seen him once at the Immortal Alliance Conference, yet he could not picture Mobei-Jun giving Airplane anything he asked for that didn’t relate to him being a spy. He literally threw Shang Qinghua against a tree, for fucks sake. 

As Shen Qingqiu was nearing the house, he heard the sound of rushed footsteps not too far ahead of him. Looking up, he saw a blur of the blue An Ding Peak disciple robes. Two disciples, probably not much older than ten (they were fourteen and fifteen -- the poor disciples were just short) were frantically picking up scrolls scattered on the ground in front of them. One of the disciples made eye contact with him and paled. A scroll rolled down the hill and hit Shen Qingqiu’s foot.

As he bent down and picked up the scroll, he heard a loud thwack! Shen Qingqiu whipped his head up and saw the pale disciple clutching his head with both his hands and kneeling down on the ground. The other disciple stood over him, white-knuckling a scroll Shen Qingqiu assumed was used as the weapon. He swore he saw a tear in the disciple’s eye.

“This disciple apologizes to Shen-shibo!” The disciple clutching his head was now kowtowing on the ground in front of him. Why are you apologizing to me?! I’m not the one who just got bashed over the head with a scroll!

Shen Qingqiu stared for a moment before remembering the scroll still in his hand. He reached out, offering it to the disciple who was too busy gaping at him to grab it. What did he do??

Shen Qingqiu placed the scroll in the An Ding disciple’s hand, who still gave no response. 

“Be more careful from now on,” he said, walking past them and continuing up the hill. He could hear shuffling behind him before the disciples scurried down the path. Airplane, you’re rubbing off on your disciples! Your peak is going to be renamed as Anxiety Peak at this rate! He hoped the two disciples steered clear of Liu Qingge at the bottom of the peak, lest they really wanted to have a heart attack.

It had taken a while to convince Liu Qingge not to come along while he talked to Shang Qinghua. He didn’t know why, but the peak lord had been sticking to his side an awful lot lately. (Shen Qingqiu was actually pretty sure he knew why, but he didn’t want to think about it. Surely he didn’t seem so weak and pathetic to the other peak lords that he needed to be assigned a bodyguard!)

“Does Shidi think I am incapable of such a short flight?” Shen Qingqiu had been sitting at his table, sighing as he took a sip of tea. It was made from the leaves of the Golden Fig Brush, something PIDW had described as one of the most delicious and highly valued teas. He had mentioned in passing that he had yet to try it while walking from his disciples’ classes with Liu Qingge. He hadn’t meant much by it, and yet the next morning, Shen Qingqiu had opened his door to Liu Qingge holding a rather large pouch of the Golden Fig Brush leaves. 

“Mu-shidi said you are still recovering.” Liu Qingge opened his eyes from where he sat meditating in the corner of the room. He was in the bamboo house every morning to meditate and attend classes with Shen Qingqiu. Anytime Shen Qingqiu stated that he didn’t need to bother coming over, Liu Qingge just nodded, his ears turning slightly pink, before letting himself in. Shidi, if you’re so ashamed to be coming over every day, have Mu Qingfang assign somebody else to me. Or no one at all! That would be great too!!

“Mu-shidi is always worrying over me,” Shen Qingqiu took another swig from his teacup before placing it on the table. “I’m sure he would be happy to hear I left my peak. It’s been so long after all.”

Liu Qingge stayed silent for a moment. Mu Qingfang had been asking Shen Qingqiu to take some time off his peak and visit some of his sect siblings. Liu Qingge had no reason to argue this point and he knew it.

“I will take you,” he resigned, looking down, his ears growing red. Shen Qingqiu wanted to tease him a little but refrained.

“Shidi, there really is no need-”

“I will take you,” Liu Qingge stated, this time with more conviction. Shen Qingqiu could only sigh and shake his head. If his shidi was set on taking him to An Ding, then Shen Qingqiu was going to take advantage of his free taxi service.

He took another sip of his tea, emptying the cup. “Alright.”

After walking a few more minutes up the path, he finally arrived at the peak lord’s house. It was larger than Shen Qingqiu’s bamboo house, most likely for more storage space for records and paperwork. Its large size didn’t mean it looked nicer, however. The original Shen Qingqiu had made it a point to have the outside of his bamboo house look as clean and new as it did when it was first built, making his most trusted disciples clean and do maintenance on it whenever he felt like it. While reading PIDW , Shen Qingqiu wanted to scream about the original’s need to be perfect. But now? It definitely gave him a sense of pride.

He listened for a moment, but couldn’t hear any movement inside the house. He was ninety-nine percent sure that Airplane was inside, probably slumped over paperwork with dark circles under his eyes. Shen Qingqiu never gave Shang Qinghua any notice of his visits, so he typically found him passed out, drooling on either financial records or poorly written smut that the man somehow found the time to write.

The other one percent was that Mobei-Jun swept him away for ‘spy stuff’, as Shang Qinghua put it.

Shen Qingqiu raised his hand to knock on the door, then at the last minute decided against it and walked right in. 

The first thing he noticed was just how dark it was inside. The sheer curtains were drawn over the already minimal windows the An Ding house had, filtering the small amount of sunlight coming in, and there were no candles lit. Papers were stacked in messy piles on every surface, including along the walls, and scrolls were chaotically placed on random shelves. Shang Qinghua swore that he had an organizational system. He didn’t believe the man.

Shen Qingqiu slowly walked through the house, trying to navigate the mess in the dark. Somehow managing to avoid every tripping hazard, he marched up to the open office door and poked his head in. Shang Qinghua was muttering something under his breath as he frantically wrote on a stack of papers at his desk. There was a single candle lit, illuminating the worried expression he wore.

Shen Qingqiu walked in and slammed the door behind him, causing Shang Qinghua to jump before immediately covering up the papers with his arms.

“It’s not what it looks like!” Shang Qinghua shouted, squeezing his eyes shut.

Shen Qingqiu crossed his arms and stared at Shang Qinghua. The silence unnerved the latter, and he dared to peek at the figure standing in front of him. Taking in Shen Qingqiu’s form, Shang Qinghua let out a huge sigh, leaning back in his chair.

“Cucumber-bro, you scared me,” he breathed. He pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes. The sides of his hands were black, likely from not waiting long enough for the ink to dry while writing.

“You’re a cultivator,” Shen Qingqiu said, placing his hands on his hips. “You should’ve sensed me on your peak. Or at least in your house.” He rolled his eyes. How Shang Qinghua had gone this long without being caught was beyond him. Shang Qinghua sighed again, dragging his hands down his face and slightly marking the sides of his nose with the ink from his hands.

“My King was here all night. Apparently there are some financial problems going on in the Northern Territory that he can’t figure out and he wanted me to- what?”

Shen Qingqiu stared at him and grabbed the fan from his belt. “You let Mobei-Jun on An Ding?!” Whack! “On Cang Qiong?!” Whack! “Do you want to get caught?!” Whack, whack, whack!  

Shang Qinghua sat hunched over in his seat, clutching his head. It reminded him of the disciples he ran into on his way up here. An Ding Peak was probably going to be filled with skittish disciples if they kept looking to their peak lord for guidance.

Shang Qinghua gave a nervous smile and looked up at him. 

“Trust me, bro. It’s been ten years and they don’t suspect a thing.” He scratched the back of his head where he was hit before sitting up. “A-anyways, why are you here? You look like you’ve been getting about as much sleep as I do.” The man received a glare in return, making the peak lord duck down again. Shen Qingqiu ultimately decided against another beating for the sake of his fan. He grabbed a chair from the side of the room, dragged it in front of the desk, and sat down. 

Now placed in front of the man, he didn’t know what he was going to say. 

He glanced around the room, purposefully avoiding eye contact with the peak lord in front of him. Fingers picked at the skin around his nails as he held his hands in his lap. What was he going to say? ‘Hey, so I actually haven’t been sleeping because I’ve been dreaming of who I think is the original goods but it's actually fucking me up a lot and now every peak lord is pitying me and I keep freaking out for some reason’? 

Absolutely not. He glared at Shang Qinghua.

“W-what?” The peak lord covered his head again. 

He looked away. Shen Qingqiu didn’t know how to bring it up. His brain was muddled and he was just so tired. A moment of silence followed before he decided to get straight to the point.

“I think I’m dreaming about the original Shen Qingqiu.” He glanced at Shang Qinghua, who looked… excited?

“Bro, are you a prophet now? That’s so cool!” he clapped his hands together, before looking to the side, as if thinking of something. “I don’t remember writing that Shen Qingqiu saw visions, but maybe that's a transmigrator feature or somethi- ow! Fine, you’re not a prophet! You’re not a prophet!”

Shen Qingqiu stood over him, fan gripped tight in his hand. It was a mistake coming here, he realized. This was the author of PIDW , after all. He sat back down, glaring at the peak lord in front of him, who surprisingly didn’t cower this time.

“So what kind of dreams are these, anyway? Are you talking to him? Is it just whatever happened to him in the book? …Is it being turned into a human stick?” Shang Qinghua winced at the thought.

“I wouldn’t be dreaming about any of this if your novel wasn’t shit!” He leaned forward to yell, ignoring the fact that he had complained on the forums that Shen Qingqiu deserved far worse things than getting his arms and legs torn off. “And no, it's not about being a human stick, it's…” he trailed off, looking down at his hands in his lap, picking at his nails. He didn’t want to think about it, let alone say it.

“Hey bro, you can tell me anything. You know that, right.” Shen Qingqiu glanced up at Shang Qinghua. He looked just as uncomfortable as he felt. Yeah right. Don’t try to sound all comforting when looking like that. He didn’t have any snappy responses, so he continued to pick his fingers

“It’s just… I don’t know. It's confusing.” He rubbed his thumb on his pinky, bleeding from a particularly thick piece of skin he plucked off. “It’s like, I’m a kid. Well actually, he’s a kid, but I’m him. But anyway, I don't know where it is. And there’s all these men. And it's, it’s dark. And they. Well, they- they… I don't know but then I even see it during the day. Sometimes even when Mu Qingfang comes and checks on me. I just, I just don’t know what's going on. I- ” He could feel his breathing pick up. He didn’t want to actually think about it, but everything was tumbling past his lips as if against his will. He forced his mouth shut and tried to settle his breathing. He would not let himself freak out here too. Shen Qingqiu glanced around the room, trying to distract himself from the conversation. If he could just pretend he wasn’t here…

“Oh shit, bro,” Shang Qinghua said after what felt like an hour of silence. Shen Qingqiu gained the confidence to look at the other peak lord, and Shang Qinghua’s eyes were wide, his mouth slightly open. “That’s, um,” he swallowed. “That’s not good.”

Shen Qingqiu raised a brow at his tone. The man sounded as if he knew exactly what was going on.

“What is it?” He asked through gritted teeth.

“Well, it's just,” he started, glancing around the room as if looking for a way to escape the conversation.

“Airplane,” he didn’t shout, but it was a very close thing. He stood up and slammed his hands on Shang Qinghua’s desk.

“It’s just that I think you may be dreaming about his memories!” It all came out in a rush as he covered his head with his arms again. What a coward. He didn’t even have a fan in his hand yet.

Shen Qingqiu blinked.

“What do you mean ‘ his memories ’,” he did shout this time, reaching over the desk to grab Shang Qinghua by the collar of his robes. The squirrelly man somehow managed to avoid his grasp and run, but instead of making a smart decision like actually escaping, he ran straight towards the corner of the room. “Tell me!”

“Cucumber-bro, let's not be rash,” he realized his mistake in the corner and put his hands up in surrender.

Shen Qingqiu grabbed him by the collar anyway. “You’re telling me I’m reliving his memories ?” He had a hunch that was what happened, but to hear the author confirm it was so much worse.

“If you put me down, I promise I’ll answer your questions!” His hands were still up in surrender despite being lifted off his feet.

Shen Qingqiu held him up for a moment longer. As much as he wanted to beat the shit out of Airplane for fucking up his second life, he did need his questions answered. He let go of his collar and stalked back to his chair.

“Talk.”

Shang Qinghua scrambled back to his seat, a nervous look growing on his face.

“So, um, Shen Jiu’s background, right? Yeah um, so, even though I didn’t actually write it out in Proud Immortal Demon Way , I still wrote it down in some of the drafts. And, um, it’s kinda fucked up.”

Shen Qingqiu fought the urge to strangle him. He had to remind himself that there was a reason he hadn’t killed the man yet.

“Go on.”

“Shen Jiu was a slave. He was an orphan, and I didn’t really think about the details as to who his parents were or whatever, but that's not important. The Qiu family -- you remember Qiu Haitang -- had bought Shen Jiu when he was about five? Six? I don’t remember, but Qiu Haitang’s brother was like, really abusive toward Shen Jiu. Like, sexual assault and shit. Not great. But, yeah, I left it out because it was actually super depressing and a morally gray villain wasn’t going to make me as much money since everybody just wanted to root for Luo Binghe anyway.”

Shen Qingqiu didn’t know what to name his current feelings. He wanted to be mad, but the most he could feel was conflicted, so he just stared at Shang Qinghua. It was weird to have the lore of his nightmares explained to him. Getting the full picture was weird. 

He stayed quiet.

“But, um, yeah,” Shang Qinghua had expected Shen Qingqiu to blow up on him. The silence and lack of movement were unsettling. Give him something, anything, bro! Hell, just hit him over the head with a fan! “How are you doing, bro? You look…rough.”

Shen Qingqiu gave him a half-hearted glare. “Fuck you.”

“Seriously, Cucumber-bro. You look like you haven’t slept. When was the last time you even got the full eight hours?” He leaned forward in his chair.

“You’re one to talk,” he stated, raising a brow. “Last time I was here, you passed out on the floor from writing shitty porn all night.” Shang Qinghua gasped, feigning offense. 

“You wound me, Peerless Cucumber!” He placed his hand on his chest. “I’ll let it slide since it came from my most dedicated reader.” Shang Qinghua leaned back right before Shen Qingqiu could connect the fan to his head. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” 

Shen Qingqiu sat back in his seat, tucking his fan into his belt once more. If he hadn’t actually gotten any useful information from Airplane, he would’ve jumped him again.

“So why now?” he asked.

Shang Qinghua knew what he meant. Why gain memories now? As far as they knew, the system wasn’t active right now, so it couldn’t possibly have done this. He never got an alert mentioning a backstory reveal or anything mentioning Shen Jiu for that matter. After a moment of thinking, Shang Qinghua’s face lit up in realization.

“Do you remember that one wife that had all that trauma and forgot all of her childhood?”

“Of course I do. Wife 167.” He rolled his eyes. How could he forget? It was the wife plot with the most wasted potential

Luo Binghe was journeying for one of the hundreds of treasures he acquired in PIDW. While traveling, he came across a beautiful woman wandering around as if she was lost. While talking to her, he noticed that she wasn’t showing any of her emotions. He tried telling her jokes, but she didn’t laugh. He told her sad stories, but she showed no sympathy. No matter what he said, she showed no reaction other than responding with monotone statements. Luo Binghe, being the stallion that he was, became determined to figure out what was wrong with her. When night fell, he set up camp for the both of them and waited for her to sleep. As soon as she fell asleep, he entered her dreamscape and noticed that she had no dreams. He wandered around in her black and white dreamscape for a while and noticed a wooden chest on the outer edges. 

Upon opening the chest, colors flooded out and suddenly her dreamscape was filled with nightmares. Luo Binghe walked along her dreamscape, observing that each of these nightmares was of a girl, who he realized was Wife 167, and various adults. She was hit, spit on, and even tortured by these people throughout her dreams. Luo Binghe was forced out of her dreamscape when the woman woke up by her side gasping for breath, tears streaming down her face. After a heartwarming embrace, she told Luo Binghe that she had tried repressing her memories of her past abuse, but in turn, lost all of her emotions as well. As soon as she gained her memories back, she told him that she could finally feel how much she loved him.

And of course, the arc ended with poorly written papapa.

Shen Qingqiu had ranted endlessly on the forums of the inaccuracies of the story. He may not have had an abusive childhood, but he was smart enough to know that you can’t get over trauma with one conversation and a lot of sex.

Airplane had the opportunity to show the struggle of getting over a traumatic event by someone who wasn’t way too OP like Binghe. It could’ve been a character that some of the readers could have connected to. Instead, she was ‘fixed’ by Luo Binghe and thrown aside to be forgotten in his endless harem and never mentioned again.

“It’s just a hunch,” Shang Qinghua began. “But what if the original Shen Qingqiu did the same? What if he locked away his memories and you somehow opened them again?”

Shen Qingqiu thought about it for a moment. That could make sense. He had the same brain as the original goods, so it would make sense that he should be able to access the memories as well.

“The original had emotions, though,” he realized. “Him being a cranky bitch all the time means he still felt things.”

The two fell silent again for a while. Shen Qingqiu’s case didn’t fully match up with Wife 167. They couldn’t even be sure the memories were locked up at all. This could all be something the System planned as punishment before it would go offline. 

Shang Qinghua suddenly stood up, both hands smacking his desk.

“His qi deviation!” he shouted. Shen Qingqiu gave him a questioning look. “Hear me out, okay? What if his qi deviation before you took over was him locking his memories away, but before he could go all emotionless, you showed up? And- and since you have your own memories, you didn’t become emotionless.” Shang Qinghua stared at him expectantly, proud of his discovery.

As much as he hated to admit it, it did make a lot of sense. There was still a chance that Airplane was bullshitting this just as much as the rest of his ideas, but it was honestly pretty solid. His question from earlier still went unanswered, though.

“But why now ?” Shen Qingqiu restated. As far as he was aware, nothing happened to the original’s ‘memory box’ in the past week. And even if it had, why weren’t the actual memories coming back to him? Why were they only coming in the form of dreams?

“I wish I had an answer for you, bro,” Shang Qinghua looked at him with eyes full of pity. Ptoo! Ptoo! I want none of that!

Shen Qingqiu sank into his chair. He wanted more than anything for these dreams to stop so he could finally sleep. He was just so tired . It didn’t help that his martial siblings were being weird, either.

Mu Qingfang had looked at him with the most sorrowful expressions when he came over to clear his meridians. Shen Qingqiu was ashamed to admit that he had another ‘episode’, as the healer calls them, when he last had his meridians cleansed. It wasn’t nearly as bad as the first, but it added an extra thirty minutes to the visit plus the extra time it took to finally shoo him out of the bamboo house. 

And Liu Qingge was always lurking around. He couldn’t understand why he needed a babysitter for this, let alone the most emotionally unintelligent one around (sorry shidi). Liu Qingge was there from the moment he woke up to the moment he went to bed. Shen Qingqiu wasn’t even sure he left the peak at all. Didn’t he have his own peak to run? His own disciples to teach?

He tried to tell Mu Qingfang that he didn’t need Liu Qingge to follow him around -- that he didn’t need to be watched. Mu Qingfang pretended to have no idea why Liu Qingge was following him around, saying that he had only sent the peak lord to check on him in the afternoons. 

Mu-shidi, thanks for trying to hide it, but he would have no reason to follow him unless it was the doctor’s orders.

“Hey, you should stop doing that,” Shang Qinghua suddenly spoke, causing him to jump and look up. Shang Qinghua was looking at his lap, so he followed his gaze down to his own hands.

His nail beds were torn up and bloody. Shen Qingqiu hadn’t even noticed that he had picked his fingers so badly until now.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Shen Qingqiu responded, circulating qi into his fingers to heal them. The broken skin healed, only leaving a little redness left behind. He looked at his fingers a moment longer before sighing and running his hands down his face.

“I haven’t slept more than a few hours in the past week,” he said, staring at the ceiling. He had drank more tea this week than he had his entire transmigration. “Let me know if you discover Xianxia coffee.”

“Will do, bro,” he responded, resting his head on his desk and closing his eyes. 

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both peak lords exhausted. He had so many questions, but Shen Qingqiu didn’t want to think about anything. He wasn’t able to sleep without having nightmares, and every waking moment, he was being watched by someone. Hell, Liu Qingge was still at the bottom of An Ding Peak.

Shen Qingqiu groaned at the thought of having to travel back to his peak with Liu Qingge. He didn’t mind having Liu Qingge around. He thought of the man as a friend, after all. But he needed some time today to think over this conversation and have a small crisis. Was that too much to ask?

“What was that for?” Shang Qinghua asked.

“Liu Qingge’s been following me around for the past week,” he looked down from the ceiling and at the other peak lord. “He walks to lessons with me, meditates in the bamboo house when I’m doing paperwork, and even tries to get me to take meals with him -- also in the bamboo house. He’s literally there from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. I can’t even leave my peak without him flying me because Mu Qingfang thinks I’m a literal flight risk.” 

Silence. 

“What?” 

Shang Qinghua gaped at him. 

“Bro, you have Liu Qingge following you everywhere?” Shen Qingqiu raised a brow. 

“Well, yeah. Mu Qingfang obviously told him to keep an eye on me. He’s just following orders. He’s like a dog, after all.”

Shang Qinghua continued to stare at him.

“ What? ”

“Dude there's no way in hell he’s only following you because he was told to. The last time we went off-peak to find rare herbs for Mu-shidi, he was supposed to be my bodyguard. The guy literally disappeared on me half of the time!” Shen Qingqiu gave him a look.

Who wouldn’t disappear on you? He kept this thought to himself.

“You of all people should know this, Airplane. You literally wrote him to be loyal and follow orders,” he rolled his eyes. Although Liu Qingge was only mentioned in PIDW , he was described as loyal to no end, especially with his sect siblings (besides Shen Qingqiu). If he had taken orders from Mu Qingfang, he would make sure they were followed through.

“Yeah, but I doubt Mu Qingfang said ‘Follow Shen Qingqiu around every moment he’s awake’,” Shang Qinghua crossed his arms, maintaining his stare.

“Mu-shidi implies a lot of things.”

“And you think Liu Qingge is smart enough to read between the lines? Dude is like the second densest person in the sect.”

“Give Liu Qingge some credit, you hack-author. He’s not an idiot,” Shen Qingqiu huffed and looked away.

“Sure, sure. Whatever you say, bro.”

There was a minute of silence.

“Who’s the first?”

Shang Qinghua’s brows knitted together for a moment before his face lit up in realization. He doubled over in laughter.

“You’re asking that now ?!” He wiped fake tears from his eyes. “I should be surprised, but I’m literally not. Bro, have you seriously not noticed the way the other peak lords act around you?”

“What are you talking about?” he snapped back.

“If you don’t know, don’t worry about it, Cucumber-bro,” Shang Qinghua waved his hand as if shooing the conversation away. “It’ll only add to your problems.”

Shen Qingqiu wanted to press him further, but he already had enough to deal with. He really couldn’t afford to have another issue on top of his current ones. He rubbed at his eyes.

“So what do you suggest I do?” He couldn’t believe he was asking Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky for advice. He truly has reached rock bottom.

“You’re gonna hate it, but get some sleep- stop glaring at me. You know I’m right.” Shang Qinghua huffed. “If you really want to feel better, start by getting a full night’s sleep. I read something about how your brain eats itself when you’re tired or something. I could be wrong though. It’s been, like, thirty years since I’ve had the internet.”

He stopped the insult he was about to throw at Shang Qinghua. That was… actually good advice? Shen Qingqiu was in shock, but wasn’t it true that a broken clock was right at least twice a day? Maybe, if he got some sleep, he could make a miraculous recovery and all would be well. He would finally be free to do what he wanted and not be followed by Liu Qingge. He didn’t hate the man’s company, but sometimes a man needs space to have an existential crisis.

For the first time in a week, Shen Qingqiu was determined to go to bed.

He was so determined that he even managed to ignore the confused expression on Liu Qingge’s face as he descended An Ding Peak. Despite his exhaustion, he was so happy to have found what might just be the answer to his problem that he didn’t even bother hiding his smile behind a fan.

--

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but pat the head of his favorite disciple, not that he would let anyone know he had a favorite. 

He was sitting on a bench watching his disciples practice their sword forms when Luo Binghe practically bounded over carrying a tray filled with homemade sweets and snacks. It had been a while since he had indulged in Binghe’s cooking, so he happily ate what was brought out to him, patting his head.

“Binghe’s cooking truly is the best,” he mused, a soft smile on his lips.

“Does Shizun really think so?” the boy asked. There was a note of hope in his voice.

“One would be a fool to believe otherwise,” he stated matter-of-factly, looking out to the training field to gaze at his disciples. He was filled with a sense of pride from not only his students, but his peak as a whole. Qing Jing Peak displayed some of the greenest and most lush scenery one could only dream of finding. A light breeze flew by him, and he closed his eyes to take in the moment.

“Would it have been enough to keep you from pushing me?” A deep voice sounded behind him. Shen Qingqiu startled, whipping his head around and coming face to face with Luo Binghe. This Binghe, however, towered over him, especially since he was sitting. He was no longer in the soft greens of the Qing Jing Peak disciple robes. Instead, he wore a black outer robe over his red underrobes, the demon mark on his forehead glowing faintly. Shen Qingqiu tried his best to not show any emotion on his face. If this Luo Binghe saw his fear, it could easily be used against him. Shen Qingqiu glanced around, hoping for the possibility that one of his disciples had sensed the danger. What he saw made the blood drain from his face.

The bamboo forest surrounding them was on fire, the blue skies above suddenly grey and black with smoke. The smell of the burning forest nearly suffocated him. He couldn’t even focus on the bamboo forest with what appeared in front of him. All of his disciples were lying down and unmoving on the field below, pools of red surrounding each one of them. 

Before he had the chance to shout out to his disciples, a hand closed around his throat, trapping the screams in his lungs. He looked up at the man in front of him and froze.

Luo Binghe wore a twisted grin on his face. He looked down on Shen Qingqiu as if analyzing every minute detail of his expressions. Shen Qingqiu wasted no time in grabbing the hand on his throat and attempting to pry it off. A moment later, as if finding what he was looking for, Luo Binghe picked him up by the throat and slammed him down on his back.

Shen Qingqiu gasped, trying to catch the breath that was knocked out of him. Luo Binghe leaned down, hot breath hitting his face, and sneered at the man below him.

This is it , Shen Qingqiu thought, closing his eyes. Time to accept my fate and become a human stick. 

A hand roughly grabbed at his belt and tore it off of his body. Startled, Shen Qingqiu opened his eyes, locking his gaze with Luo Binghe. He had expected the man to tear off an arm or a leg -- maybe even both. The turn of events confused him, freezing him in place as the demon lord bowed his head to place his mouth beside Shen Qingqiu’s head.

“Xiao-Jiu,” a voice whispered in his ear, sickeningly sweet. “You know this master wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, right?”

Shen Qingqiu’s stomach turned. He wanted to run. He needed to run. He squirmed underneath the man, fighting for any chance to free himself. He knew whose voice that was, and it wasn’t Luo Binghe’s. He had to get out of here.

A hand made its way inside Shen Qingqiu’s robes, rubbing up and down his chest. He swallowed back vomit. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak. He just stared back at Luo Binghe. 

His cheeks felt wet. Was he crying?

The pressure on his throat had loosened, yet he couldn’t breathe.

“This master’s sister would be so upset if she saw any more bruises on Xiao-Jiu’s beautiful body,” Luo Binghe leaned back, though he kept his hand tucked inside Shen Qingqiu’s robes. “Be a good boy and stay still for this master, hmm?”

He couldn’t breathe.

He felt the hand move further down his stomach.

But he couldn’t breathe.

--

Shen Qingqiu shot up in his bed. He could see that his hands were shaking, and yet his whole body felt numb. He had made it out of Luo Binghe’s grasp somehow and was alone in his room, but he needed to hurry if he wanted to run. 

His legs were numb, but he still made his best effort to get out of his bed, falling on the floor as a result. The impact made his stomach queasier than it already was, but he didn’t have time to think about that. He needed to figure out where he was going to run.

There was a window just above his bed. He could crawl through it and into the forest. If Shen Qingqiu could make it back onto the bed, he would be able to reach-

He turned to the side and vomited on the floor.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he thought he should be concerned about the mess, but he couldn’t focus. He needed to run. He needed to be anywhere but here. Qing Jing was still burning.

“Shen Qingqiu!” A man’s voice sounded from the door of his room.

He’d been caught.

Shen Qingqiu panicked even more, doing his best to crawl away from the door despite his legs still struggling to move.

How was he discovered so fast? Surely Luo Binghe didn’t know where he was. The man would’ve had him by the neck if he did. 

More vomit rose in his throat. He forced it down.

Shen Qingqiu pushed himself to his feet, his legs shaky, and started climbing onto his bed. The window wasn’t high up, so he should have no problem crawling out.

An arm wrapped his waist, pulling him back. Shit. He was caught. He hadn’t even heard the man’s footsteps get closer.

“Shen Qingqiu! Stop!” The man was practically shouting in his ear.

He began thrashing around in the man’s hold. The voice wasn’t Luo Binghe’s or Qiu Jianluo’s, but that didn’t mean he was safe.

“Don’t touch me!” This man was going to rip off his limbs. Or rape him. Maybe both. He didn’t care, however. He just didn’t want to die. He didn’t want to be touched anymore.

Shen Qingqiu’s body suddenly felt warm, the man holding him even tighter. They were both pulled to sit on the ground, his captor sitting behind him.

“Let go of me! Stop!” 

He turned his head to the side and bit the man as hard as he could. Satisfaction flooded through him when he heard a sharp gasp.

“Shen Qingqiu, stop! You’re qi deviating!”

The grip didn’t loosen. The warm sensation felt stronger and, with each passing second, Shen Qingqiu's body relaxed against his will. He was left panting in the arms of the man behind him. His hands were shaking so hard it looked like he might be moving them on purpose.

“Shen Qingqiu, you’re okay,” The voice, which he was now pretty sure belonged to Liu Qingge, strained behind him. He sounded unsure of what he was saying.

The feeling of warmth continued.

“It’s okay,” Liu Qingge murmured again, now rocking the both of them side to side.

Shen Qingqiu didn’t have it in himself to answer. Still shaking, he forced the both of them to lean over enough so he didn’t end up puking on either of their robes. 

Shit, he thought.  He couldn’t believe Liu Qingge had seen him like this again.