Archive of Our Own ^beta

The night was hot and sticky; a late-night rain had fallen, but it only served to make the air more cloying. Utahime stared at her dorm room ceiling, watching the fan turn helplessly against the humidity, swirling her thoughts around her room and making all her uncomfortable musing stick to the sides of her brain. 

She felt trapped under the blanket of heat. But more than that, she felt lonely. Her classmates and underclassmen had all snuck out over the back fence of the campus and escaped into the city. They had invited her, but she declined, claiming to have some homework she still had to do. In truth, she'd pulled the ribbons out of her pigtail, and her brush couldn't iron out the kink in her hair that they had made. This lasting indentation, the impression of her schoolgirl rigidity, was so disheartening that she immediately changed her mind. 

She disliked being in the middle of other people's misbehaviour anyway because their eyes turned on her when they drank. She wasn't stupid; she knew she represented something to them that they'd like to subvert. For the most part, her schoolmates thought of her as a little prude, and maybe that was an easier thing to be. In the middle of mischief, she didn't like the way Gojo tugged at her pigtails or how Kusakabe stared at her chest or even how Geto, whom she respected greatly, tried to get her alone and see what she was really like and what he could coax her into being with his soft words. 

Utahime sighed and rolled onto her side. Her sheets felt scratchy against her legs. Mei Mei had told her once to switch them out with sheets she bought for herself, lest the institutional texture of Tokyo High linens rub her completely raw. But Utahime didn't have the spare cash for that kind of thing. Not yet, at least. Maybe one day, she would have the money and could afford luxuries like silk sheets, face serums, and handbags. Everything would be different when she knew herself better, and the suffocating blanket of the institution was lifted off her face. 

There was a gentle knock on the door. Utahime started, frowning at the door. No one was supposed to be back for hours; even if they were, none of her friends ever knocked. 

"Who is it?"

"Shoko, dummy," her best friend's voice called from the other side of the door. "I thought you'd want a heads up before I barged in."

Utahime relaxed, her stomach feeling strange — pleased that she would see Shoko, wobbly at the anxious confusion it would cause her. 

"Come in," she murmured, smoothing her hair away from her face as she sat up, knees slightly bent. 

Shoko came in and immediately crawled onto her bed, the springs creaking as she flopped into a cross-legged seat, blowing air up so that her wispy bangs moved. She had two soda cans in her fisted hands. 

"Sorry for coming by so late. I know I said I wouldn't be around, but then Gojo and the others decided to go to a third club in Shinjuku, and I had had enough."

Utahime nodded and stood up, feeling embarrassed of her state of undress. She went to her dresser, searching for a pair of shorts that weren't too dirty, her cheeks feeling so hot that Shoko had seen her in her little flower print cotton panties. 

"No, that's fine. I'm glad you're here."

"I got a couple of sodas from the vending machine. Want one?"

"Sure."

Utahime crawled back onto the bed hesitantly, accepting the soda that Shoko proffered. Two muted hisses broke the momentary silence as they cracked them open in near union. Utahime, her stomach fluttering, watched Shoko put the can to her lips and gulp hungrily. Shoko's bobbed hair moved like a gauze curtain, and her school uniform had been replaced with a tight-fitting tank top and some black denim shorts over nearly sheer black tights. Her feet were bare, and the tights tapered to darkened toes like she was a young witch or a woodland sprite. Her cheeks were flushed, eyes sparkling. 

Utahime realised she was staring, so she dipped her head to take a sip of the soda. The carbonation suddenly made her nose sting, and she scrunched up her eyes at the sharp sensation. When she opened them, Shoko had placed her soda on the bedside table and was lying back sideways on the bed, her coltish legs dangling over the side.

"You sure you're okay? You look a little red."

"I'm fine," Utahime lied, rubbing her nose. She leaned against the wall where a headboard should be. "Did you have a good time with Gojo and the others?"

"Yeah. It was cool, I guess," Shoko sighed. "Shit, it's hot in here." 

"You don't sound like you had a good time."

She chewed the inside of her cheek because Shoko had suddenly unbuttoned her black denim shorts and peeled them down her legs with the tights in one fluid motion. Utahime said nothing, letting her eyes hover somewhere on the covers and not directly at Shoko's smooth, creamy legs or the fact that she wore boy's boxer briefs for panties. Where they her own pair? Did she borrow them from Gojo or Geto? 

"Gojo is unplayable sometimes," Shoko muttered, flopping back onto the bed. "And he's always so fucking loud in public. We were sneaking into clubs, and he wouldn't stop drawing attention to us."

Shoko reached and tugged one of Utahime's pillows out from behind her and tucked it under her head. 

"You said he's loud in class, too," Utahime murmured, swayed by the current of Shoko's movements. 

"Yeah."

Utahime sipped her soda and looked at her friend. Shoko's face was more flushed than normal and Utahime saw that she had bruises forming that her sheer black tights had hidden. Even though she knew she shouldn't, Utahime let her gaze move down Shoko's legs, drawn to the look of the bruises on her thighs. 

"Ouch," Utahime commented, laying a fingertip on one of the rose-petal-shaped marks, unsure if she was allowed to. 

Shoko smiled lazily, leaning back into Utahime's pillow.

"They're from dancing," Shoko explained languidly, sumptuously, like a hedon at court. "And from jumping over the fences."

Utahime, butterflies in her stomach, watched the smooth white glow of Shoko's cursed technique suddenly coat Shoko's body like a gloss of milky varnish. The bruises on her legs disappeared. Utahime felt the fan gust something over to her—the smell of cigarettes and sticky booze. Shoko smelled like a party, smiling lazily at Utahime as she showed off her valuable technique.

"I'm glad you're here," Utahime murmured, her heart pounding as her stomach sank, emotions rising and falling. 

She could imagine the dark sliced into diamonds by strobe lights and refracting glitter, and the throb of music and the crush of people. She wondered if someone had danced with Shoko and pressed themselves into the panes of her body or touched that silky hair. Maybe Gojo had kissed her. That made her heart beat harder.

"Yeah, me too. It was fun, but I'm happier to be here with you," Shoko sighed. "You're so much nicer than those boys."

"Thanks," Utahime said, trying not to take it as much to heart as she wanted to.

"And the club was so crowded, and everyone is just trying to fuck each other, ya know? Gojo tried to kiss me on the dancefloor."

Utahime's heart stalled for a troublingly long moment. She blinked at Shoko, trying to say the least compromising thing. 

"Did you want him to?"

"Not really," Shoko answered. "It's fun to hang out with him, but I don't think he's the type of person I'd want to date or have as a boyfriend, ya know?"

Utahime nodded. "Or stick his tongue down your throat on the dance floor."

"Exactly."

Utahime felt weirdly emboldened by this concord with Shoko, bolstered by the rush of warmth that passing moment of mutual agreement caused her. 

"I'm really happy that you didn't. It's not that I think he's gross or anything, but I guess—" Utahime stammered, pushing her hair, still dented at the ends, behind her ears. 

"You can kiss him if you want," Shoko interrupted. "I think he only tried to kiss me because you weren't there."

Utahime blinked, heat rising in her face, a strange, distilled dismay mingling in with her blood as her heart beat it too forcefully around her body. 

"I don't want to kiss Gojo," she murmured. 

"Good," Shoko said. "He's not a good kisser anyway. Too eager."

"You've kissed him before?"

"Yeah. It's not like it's a big deal. We were messing around once, and he was, like, trying to prove something."

Utahime felt a little faint. She looked down at the bed's covers, feeling her eyes prickle. She pushed her soda onto the bedside table beside Shoko's, her stomach closing. 

"Is that what kissing is for?" she murmured. "Trying to prove something?"

"I guess," Shoko said. "It doesn't mean anything, though. Obviously, I think people kiss each other to show how much they like them, but it's not like a requirement."

"Doesn't mean anything?" Utahime repeated, wondering if Shoko could guess the real root of her question. 

"Yeah, you can have sex or kiss just for fun, right?"

"And what's that like? Sex for fun?"

Shoko sighed, her breath sweet from the soda, wafting over to Utahime.

"Fun, too," she murmured thoughtfully. "Nice. Lovely, actually."

"Lovely," Utahime repeated, her cheeks feeling hot as she looked down at the covers again.

"Yeah," Shoko smiled. "Have you done it?"

Utahime's eyes flashed up, disarmed by the question. 

"What? Sex? No," she stammered, too startled to lie. 

"Gojo would do it with you in a heartbeat if you want to lose your virginity. Geto, too, and he'd probably be gentler with you."

"I don't want to do that," Utahime said, swallowing, wrapping her arms around her raised knees. 

"Why not?"

"Because...I...well...I... don't think I'm ready. I've not even kissed anyone before," Utahime whispered, feeling sweaty. "Please don't tell anyone." 

"So what? Anyway, A kiss is just a kiss," Shoko said with a shrug and a smile. "Also fun, also lovely."

"Maybe you're right," Utahime mumbled. "Maybe I'm being a prude."

"You're not being a prude, dummy," Shoko laughed. "You just haven't had sex before, which is perfectly normal. Don't build it up so much in your head."

"I haven't done anything."

"Do you want to?"

Utahime looked down at her hands, which were clutching the covers. "I guess. Yeah. I mean, I've thought about it. I don't know when—" 

"Nah, I mean, with me? You wanna kiss?"

"With you?" Utahime repeated, her voice narrowing to a shocked point.

"Yeah," Shoko shrugged. "Like, why not? I want to. You're much nicer to look at than Gojo. I bet you taste better, too."

Utahime's heart thudded, and she shifted on the covers as the air thickened, feeling like the room had lost its pressure.

"You're messing with me," she muttered.

Shoko suddenly lurched upright and swung her legs underneath her, wiggling eagerly onto her knees. "No. Why would I joke about something like that? Come on, let's try it. Kiss me, Utahime."

"We're both girls," Utahime said quietly, her voice shaking, a line of logic that was not her own but rather, something rote from many circular denials she had had with herself. 

"So? I want to." Utahime could see her own face reflected in the other girl's brown eyes. Shoko blinked and tilted her head slightly. "Don't you wanna kiss me too?"

"Yes, sure," Utahime breathed, flustered. "But—"

"But what?"

"I don't know how."

"Well, come closer," Shoko giggled. "I'll show you how." 

Utahime's heart pounded. She felt like she was moving through water, but she inched forward anyway, bewildered by the force of her heartbeat and the coursing excitement in her belly. 

All too suddenly, Shoko leaned closer and kissed her, her hands on Utahime's shoulders as if to keep her level. Her lips were warm and soft, and Utahime felt them open slightly, her breath mingling with her own. Utahime tasted cigarettes and the aftermath of alcohol in the glancing kiss. It was just a gentle brush of lips, but it sent an electric shock down to the quick, and Utahime's heart leapt into her throat, cutting off her breath.

"Was that okay?" Shoko whispered, not leaning back, her grip loose on Utahime's shoulders. 

"Yeah," Utahime breathed.

"I liked it too," Shoko smiled, and Utahime could feel her breath on her lips. 

She kissed her again, and this time, she opened her mouth more, pressing her lips more firmly against Utahime's. Utahime was trembling all over, and she didn't dare put her hands anywhere but on the sheets, afraid that if she touched Shoko, her skin would burst into flames, or Shoko would laugh and shrug those hands away for being too gentle and not sufficiently fun. But Shoko cupped her face, her fingertips dipping into her hair.

"You're cute," Shoko murmured, her lips still brushing against hers, a sweet kiss.

"Thank you," Utahime managed to say, swallowing thickly. 

"Wanna keep going?"

"Um..."

"Yeah, let's," Shoko coaxed. "Open your mouth."

"Shoko–"

"Trust me," Shoko murmured, kissing her again more firmly, her lips more demanding, more insistent.

Utahime did what Shoko said, parting her lips. Her whole body shivered, her heart pounding so hard that she could feel her pulse in her stomach.

Shoko kissed her slowly, her tongue sliding inside her mouth. The wet warmth of her tongue made Utahime gasp, her mouth opening wider, as her body began to ache, heat rising between her legs. Shoko moaned softly and kissed her harder, pushing her tongue deeper into her mouth, weakening her. 

Utahime closed her eyes, feeling her legs quiver as the kiss grew deeper and wetter, and her mind went blank. She moaned too, her breath catching in her throat, and her body tensed and relaxed in turns as Shoko kissed her. She dared to slide her hands up to cup Shoko's face. 

Her head spun, and her mouth felt swollen and full as Shoko's fingers moved down her arms, tracing the curve of her waist and the soft flesh of her hips. Utahime's heart skipped a beat, and she moaned softly, feeling her skin heat and her stomach clench as her pussy began to throb. Shoko's hands slid into her shirt, her palms cool against her heated skin, and her fingers teased her breasts.

Utahime gasped, breaking from the kiss as her nipples tightened under Shoko's touch. 

"Touch me like this too," Shoko whispered, her thumbs stroking the soft undersides of her breasts. "It's normal when you're making out."

Utahime hesitantly reached for her, her fingers curling around the hem of her tank top. She opened her eyes and saw Shoko smiling at her.

"You're cute, Utahime."

Utahime swallowed. Her throat was tight, but she felt brave and mad. Her hands slid up and over the curve of Shoko's tits, pressing her mouth against hers as she did. She felt the hardness of Shoko's nipples and brushed her thumbs over them, heat rising. 

"Yeah," Shoko sighed against Utahime's kiss. 

They kissed, their bodies pressing against each other, their hands roaming over the planes of their skin. Shoko's hands were under the loose shirt that Utahime had worn to bed.

"I want to take this off," Shoko murmured, her mouth on her neck, kissing the tender spot just under her jaw.

"Okay."

She pulled back and helped Utahime out of her shirt. She was naked from the waist up, and her whole body was flushed. Her nipples were pink and swollen, and she felt the ache between her legs get more urgent just by Shoko looking at her. 

"You're really pretty," Shoko murmured, kissing her chest. "I'm jealous."

Utahime shivered as Shoko's tongue stroked her nipple. Her eyes fluttered shut, and her head fell back as her lips closed around it, teeth grazing. Utahime cried out, her whole body shaking as Shoko sucked her tit, her fingers playing with her other breast, her thumb brushing over her stiff nipple.

Utahime's breath caught in her throat. Her whole body burned, her pussy throbbing, her clit pulsing. She could feel the wetness leaking into her shorts, soaking her panties. She felt a finger press against the front of her shorts, stroking her through the fabric.

"Oh," she gasped, her hips twitching as she inadvertently pushed against Shoko's hand.

Shoko's mouth was still on her nipple, sucking it and licking it, her fingers pinching her other nipple. Utahime whimpered, her hips moving restlessly as the pressure between her legs grew, disbelief that this was happening, diluting her mind. 

"Please," she whispered.

Shoko looked up at her, her lips shiny and her eyes dark. She slid her hands down the sides of Utahime's shorts and pulled them down, taking her panties with them.

"Let's get these off," she said quietly. 

Utahime was naked now, her whole body flashing with heat. She could feel the wetness between her thighs as Shoko dragged her tank top over her head. She had a little red bra on underneath. 

"You're wet," Shoko murmured.

"Oh," Utahime mumbled, embarrassed, covering her tits.

But Shoko just pushed Utahime down and kissed her way down her body, her tongue trailing along her collarbone and down the valley between her breasts. She stopped, her breath hot on her skin, her lips soft against her belly, as she pushed Utahime's legs apart.

"I've never done this before," Shoko murmured dryly. "So give me a break if I'm terrible."

Utahime gasped, her body tense, as Shoko's tongue slid against her cunt. It was like an incomparably pleasurable sensation; the wattage turned up by Utahime's fretful arousal. She cried out, her hips arching as the wet heat of Shoko's mouth moved over her clit. Utahime could feel the pleasure building immediately, the pressure inside her, as Shoko's tongue swirled around her clit, her lips closing around it.

Utahime moaned, her whole body shivering, the satisfaction between her legs intensifying. Her pussy throbbed with it,  And then suddenly, she felt Shoko's fingers slide inside her, making her cry out.

"Oh, God," she moaned, her hips jerking as her fingers thrust inside her.

"Quiet," Shoko murmured against her cunt. "The others might be back."

Utahime's pleasure was tinged by the dark thought that Shoko didn't want the knowledge of this to get out. But as Shoko's tongue flicked over her clit again, as her fingers moved inside her, Utahime got lost in the sensation again. Utahime squeezed her eyes shut, gasping and shuddering, and she slid her hands into Shoko's hair. It was as silky as it looked.

Utahime'sbody arched, her legs shaking, as the pleasure built inside her. The liberty of touching Shoko's hair did something to her. She could feel her orgasm getting closer, her heart pounding as the sensation bewildered her. 

And then she felt the pleasure hit her, washing all the bones out of her body. As she cried out, her pussy tightened around Shoko's fingers. She gasped, trembling, a little embarrassed by how hard she had come as the orgasm subsided.

Shoko sat up, licking her lips.

"You taste good," she smiled. "I was right."

Utahime blushed and pulled the covers over her. "That was amazing."

"Good," Shoko smiled, leaning down and kissing her.

Utahime tasted herself on her friend's lips. She kissed her back, her hands sliding up her body and cupping her tits. She could feel the stiffness of her nipples, and she pinched them lightly. Something a little fervent came over Utahime because she realised that this was the only kind of sex she wanted to have. 

This kind of pleasure, with Shoko. 

"I don't know how to...I also want to make you..." Utahime stammered. 

"Oh, you don't have to," Shoko said with a smile.

But Utahime was suddenly worried that this was something transient. Shoko's intent confused her. It was a sobering idea that this thing, the only thing she wanted, might be ephemeral and fleeting. If it was, she didn't want it to end with just her having an orgasm. She didn't want it to end yet. Feeling suddenly like she was simply caught up in the tide of chance, Utahime flailed out for agency, hoping for good fortune. 

"Let me try," she said quietly, pulling Shoko closer.

Utahime kissed her, and to her relief, Shoko kissed back, her hands sliding up Utahime's body.

"Ooh," Shoko whispered.

Utahime smiled to herself as she unhooked Shoko's bra, peeling the thin red straps down her shoulder. The sight of her made Utahime's stomach fizz. Her tits were small and pale, her nipples dark. Utahime took one in her mouth the way Shoko had done to her, her tongue swirling around it before sucking on it.

"Mmm," Shoko moaned, her hands tangling in Utahime's hair, her nails digging into her scalp.

Utahime's other hand moved down her belly and into her shorts, between Shoko's legs. She could feel the dampness of her panties, and she pushed them aside, her fingers sliding over Shoko's clit and making her gasp.

"Yes," Shoko breathed jaggedly. "Right there." 

Utahime stroked her, her fingers moving faster as her mouth moved to her other breast, sucking her nipple. She could feel her fingers slipping in the wetness as Shoko's orgasm grew. 

"Fuck, Utahime," she moaned. "Yes, yes, yes."

Utahime, emboldened, pushed two fingers inside her, making Shoko gasp. Her body shuddered, rutting against the heel of Utahime's palm as her fingers swirled inside her. 

"Fuck," she gasped.

Utahime looked up at her, her mouth swollen and her eyes bright. She felt like she'd been staring directly at the sun, a moth in the flame unaware it was singeing its own wings.

She watched, lips parted, as Shoko jerked, her body growing taut, and then smacked her hand over her mouth to muffle her cry of pleasure. Utahime felt her orgasm on her fingers, Shoko's legs pressing shut around her hand in the throes of pleasure. 

This. This was all Utahime wanted. And with this girl. 

"Wow," Shoko murmured, laying a gentle hand against Utahime's cheek as she softened. 

Utahime smiled, hesitant and uncertain. Her heart was pounding harder now, and she slid her hand slowly out of Shoko's shorts. Utahime swallowed thickly, trembling for a different reason now. 

What did this mean for Shoko? Utahime's heart clenched. Was this something to pass the time? Something fun? 

Or did Shoko feel the same way that Utahime did? 

What would happen now? Utahime was suddenly seized by a panic that some irrevocable had happened. Utahime had shown her hand — she'd been too willing, too devoted and too eager. Perhaps sensing that Utahime's feelings ran deeper, Shoko might push her away for this presumption. 

Utahime, feeling like she'd gained riches of experience, wondered if she had been robbed of more than she had gambled with. Things between them could be ruined forever. 

"We should get some sleep," Shoko yawned. "The others will be back soon and I don't know if I have the energy for another round."

"Okay," Utahime agreed, her stomach sinking.

Shoko reached and pulled her tank top from the crumpled blankets and pulled it over her head without the bra. Fingers numb, Utahime pulled her t-shirt back on, too, but couldn't see where her panties had gone. She lay back down with Shoko. 

Shoko pulled the covers up, and they settled next to each other, Shoko's back against Utahime's chest, their legs tangled together.

"You're nice and warm," Shoko murmured, her voice thick with sleep.

"Thanks," Utahime whispered, her arms wrapped around her friend, her heart still pounding as she contemplated if this was a blessing or a curse. 

"Thank you for hanging out with me," Shoko yawned, snuggling against her. "I'm glad you stayed behind."

"Me too," Utahime murmured, pressing her face into Shoko's hair, wondering if she would cry. 

"It was fun," Shoko whispered, and Utahime felt her lips on her neck in a tender little kiss. "Lovely."

"Yeah," Utahime nodded, her throat tight, and her stomach twisting.

Shoko probably didn't know what this was for Utahime — the fulfilment of a pushed-away dream, clarity. This was the sensuality she wanted, the closeness, the pleasure uncomplicated by the urge to follow something that had no pull for her. Maybe this was just Shoko wanting to be edgy or to assuage a curiosity. 

Or maybe she felt the same way. Nothing Shoko said gave Utahime any solid evidence of her feelings. 

"I'm gonna go to sleep," Utahime murmured, closing her eyes.

She felt Shoko turn, looking over her shoulder at Utahime. Her fingertips guided her face down to her. She pressed a quick kiss against Utahime's mouth, her fingers light on her cheek.

"Goodnight, Utahime," she whispered, her eyes shining.

"Goodnight," Utahime breathed.

Suddenly, in the silence, Utahime no longer worried that everything was irrevocably shifted. As Shoko settled into the curve of her body, her skinny arms around Utahime's middle, her breath settling into the soft cadence of sleep, Utahime gritted her teeth at the idea that nothing had changed at all. She worried it was a lightbulb and not a flame at all, and she, a moth, emerged unburnt.