Chapter Text
Every timeline always starts the same way. Always stuck in this loop, such a never ending journey of suffering.
It always begins with waking up at the day that she officially became a Hunter. Suddenly gaining some consciousness upon receiving her badge, it always ended up with her in a disoriented state as she tries to follow where the Metaflux explosion came from to look for Wanderers.
Always starts with him. Xavier.
So mysterious, allowing her to get close, but never close enough to learn about the never ending mystery of his identity.
Even when he became hers, became someone she could call a lover. It still wasn't enough for him to trust her with his secret, she was not enough to be trusted with such important information of his past.
Even at his last breath, he didn't allow her to be with him. To allow her to witness him breathing his last, to allow her to comfort him as he was embraced by the cold arms of death.
He didn't allow her to say her last goodbyes.
After that, it was the beginning of her suffering. It didn't stopped with Xavier, sooner and later, death claimed her long-time friend, Zayne, followed by the death of someone she should be protecting, Rafayel, and later on was followed by the death of her team.
They always claimed that her Evol is powerful, that it would be the key to end the battle with Wanderers, but why did everyone around her died? Why did she survived? When is death planning to claim her as well, when is death allowing her to be with her love ones?
Finally, at the time of her death, she was truly grateful. Laying on her back, staring upon the sky filled with stars, surrounded not only by dead Wanderers, but also her remaining companions as she slowly but surely bleeds to her death.
She doesn't have any regrets.
She can finally rest.
She can finally be with Xavier.
She can finally be with Grandma and Caleb.
She can finally see Zayne and Rafayel.
She can finally be reunited with her team.
She can finally hug Tara, she can finally...
Finally...
"It's not yet your time, little lady."
As she closed her eyes, fully embracing her death, a deep mysterious voice rang through her mind. Reverberating loudly inside her mind as if keeping it in her mind that her suffering wasn't over yet.
At the sharp and clear sound of machine loading up her personal info, she woke up.
She gained consciousness in front of the president of the Deepspace Hunter. Eyes wide, she roamed her eyes around the room, her pupils dilating upon seeing some familiar faces that would soon meet their death at the hands of some unknown organization helping the Wanderers.
Seeing an opportunity to change what happened in her first life, she grabbed it. Thinking that God must truly have felt some pity for her in her previous life to grant her a second one.
Instead of dwelling on her past life, she overcame her fears and started her life once again. Meeting Xavier, falling in love with him, becoming closer with Zayne and Rafayel. Spending more time with Grandma and Caleb. Making little bit of changes here and there, trying to save anyone as much as she can.
And yet.
The end is still the same.
She died once again. But only after her companions died before her.
The next time she woke up, she chose to avoid Xavier. Hoping that it'll prolonged his life than the previous two lives she had. Praying to any god out there that he won't love her in this life. That this time, he would choose his life instead of sacrificing it for her.
In this life, she chose to fall in love with Zayne. It's not like she did it intentionally. Nor was she looking for someone to fill the hole in her soul that Xavier left her. Her life is hectic and crazy enough, she doesn't want to involve someone as innocent as Zayne in it.
But he was so gentle. He was so good to her. So caring, so... the ice that encased her heart slowly melted because of him.
She started to love him.
And it scares her.
She knew what would happen in the end. Getting closer to her would only ends up endangering them.
She tried to avoid him too.
It was pretty difficult since he was her primary care physician. But she's managing it as best as she could.
Skipping her appointments, sending him messages that she was fine, staying at the headquarters more than she should.
Alas, it didn't work. It made him stubborn. It made him pursue her with such passion that it made her wonder if she actually knew him at all.
Suddenly, she's seeing him in places that he never went to before. From one message a day, to multiple ones that asked her about her day, what she ate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Calls that is usually for consultation only, became a daily part of her life. Suddenly receiving a phone call at the start of her day, and ends with her listening to him reading some articles as she falls asleep.
At the end of the day, she gave up. There's no use avoiding him when he knew about her feelings for him after all.
Zayne knew she has secrets. Just like how she knew Xavier has secrets. But like her, Zayne never forced her to spill it. Never guilted her into telling what's the cause of her nightmares, accepting that while she loves him, her secret is something that she would never, ever, share with him.
It hurts her how understanding he was.
She knew he's strong. She knew he can protect himself. But how can she put her heart at ease when even Xavier, one of the strongest Hunter she knew, died in her previous lives. In this life, she promised herself that she would save him.
And once again, life dissapointed her and took a majority of her happiness from her once again.
She gained consciousness once again, standing in front of the president, just like broken disk she recites the same response that she used in her past lives as they scanned her personal info.
She doesn't know why this was happening to her. Doesn't understand why it was her that was chosen by death to experience this hell over and over again.
But she still has a little bit of hope, thinking that due to her class of Evol, she was deemed by some God out there as someone who would better suit undertaking this unending mission.
It hurts avoiding the two men that she loved, hurts acting like she never knew how it feels to be loved by those two.
But, hurting them is better than seeing them dead, right...?
And it was working. God, it's working.
They lived far longer than when she was with them.
While they still remained in her circle of friends, she never crossed the line of romance with them once again. This time, she pushed them towards other people. To someone else she knew who would love them as much as she could. While it hurts to see them love someone else, it's better seeing them alive and happy. Even if it's not with her.
And it hurts.
They lived longer. They lived longer.
It hurts her that they lived longer even though that's what she always wanted.
She's truly happy they are still alive.
But she's lonely. So, so lonely.
Her eyes can't help but glazed over and glisten with tears as she witness the two men she loved in her previous lives, love someone else in this life.
She was drowning in loneliness.
Drowning enough that she fell in love with the flamboyant and quite childish employer of hers, Rafayel.
It was pretty unexpected. One day, she's following him as he shopped around just like any other day, the next second, he was kissing her like a cherished lover.
She's not looking for a rebound. Nor she wanted someone right now.
But he insists. Pleaded and begged her that he'll make her happy. That he'll chase the loneliness away from her.
She thought she finally escaped the curse, that her suffering has finally come to an end. That by sacrificing her happiness, her love ones would be alive much longer.
She truly never learned.
The next time she gained consciousness, she screamed and slammed her head on the stage where the President was standing. Loud screams fills the air as she tried to end her life. Multiple hands grabbed her and restrained her as she hyperventilate. Tears streaming down her cheeks as she begged God to end her suffering.
"It's not yet your time, little lady."
No matter what she did. No matter who she evolved herself with. Or even without involving anyone else with her, it's the same ending.
It always begins with waking up at the day that she officially became a Hunter. Suddenly gaining some consciousness upon receiving her badge, it always ended up with her in a disoriented state as she tries to follow where the Metaflux explosion came from to look for Wanderers.
And ends up with everyone around her dead, and she was the remaining survivor.
Everyone and everything is the same.
The same speech about Deepspace Hunter.
The same cheerful and ever so friendly, Tara.
The same procedure.
"I am living in hell once again," She muttered darkly under breath as she glares at the badge in her hand.