Chapter Text
Louis knew it was wrong, you see, he was quite self-aware.
He couldn’t pinpoint the moment he gathered the courage,
he convinced himself that it didn’t have anything to do with that small voice in his head, it didn’t have anything to do with that not very small feeling he never really managed to shake off his chest, nagging at his heart late at night.
A ghost of a deep voice, filling him with warmth, a feeling sometimes so prominent he had no choice but get up,
grab his notebook, or guitar, sometimes just a cigarette would do the job.
No, He was just reaching out, it had been so long, he was just reaching out,
Hey mate, it’s been a minute, how have you been? Congrats on the tour success, you deserve it
He had texted. He’s not sure if Harry even still uses this number, God.
I mean, He genuinely did think harry deserved it, he felt this sense of pride whenever he saw how good he was doing.
Louis always knew the curly boy will make it big, ever since the first time he jumped in his arms when they were put together in a band.
It had felt like fate.
And seeing Harry achieve so much on his own now, writing his own music, more in control than he ever got to be back in the band.
Louis couldn’t be happier for his boy, well, not so ‘his’ anymore, and that’s okay,
Louis had come to terms with it, had to fight the urge to text Harry since the man released his first album,
couldn’t text him pretending he didn’t know some of these songs aren’t about their relationship.
And with lyrics such as ‘maybe one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too’
Louis didn’t think he needed to apologize, they both fucked up at the end of their relationship, they both hurt each other, yet they agreed to stay friends.
so why does he need to apologize?
Louis had felt conflicted, proud of the man’s success, had wanted to reach out and let him know.
But also, couldn’t bring himself to act as if he didn’t feel the amount of expectations harry has, didn’t think he could offer what he needed, wasn’t sure he really knew what harry needed.
It was all too much; Louis had chosen to not say anything.
Now though, two and a half years after they broke up, a year and a half after harry released that album,
they have both dated other people, went out and explored life without each other for the first time in what felt like so long,
looking at the bigger picture, louis had realized how they went through one of most life changing experiences anyone could go through,
from a simple X-factor audition, to being one of the most famous bands in the world? louis has a hard time believing it till now,
They went through that together, as they were simultaneously trying to figure out their feelings for each other.
With millions of people watching their every move, their PR team filling them with instructions.
It was terrifying, yet Louis doesn’t know if he would have made it without Harry by his side.
Louis felt the tears finally free themselves as soon as he was alone in the tour bus
He hated feeling like this, so unsure of himself,
Him and the boys had been listening to a recording of a song earlier, louis had been so buzzed about it, one of his favourite tracks that they’d recorded. Only to realize they had cut his solo out. Just. Completely out.
This isn’t the first time Louis got treated like he is disposable from the band,
Ever since they sang torn at the judges houses back in X-factor and they’d muted his microphone,
he still remembers how stupid he felt just standing there, lip-syncing,
the thing is, he’d been working on it, he’s so proud of how far he has come with his voice
But now it feels like he’s right back at square one.
Like whatever he does he’ll never be good enough.
He sat down on the couch positioned in the middle of the bus, its back to the door,
rubbed the palms of his hands on his face, elbows resting on his thighs, and just
Focused on breathing, warm tears still spilling on his cheeks
“Lou?”
Louis quickly wiped his tears with the back of his hand
Cleared his throat and sat up properly on the couch
“Hey, I was looking for you” Harry said, voice clearer now as he approached louis
he walked around the couch, facing louis
“Hi” Louis said meeting Harry’s eyes, mustering up the most genuine smile he could
It wasn’t hard to do when looking at the curly headed man
Harry returned the smile, his eyes concerned
He sat next to louis, intertwined his fingers between louis’ and kept his hand there on louis’ thigh
Louis risked a look at Harry’s face now that he’s closer, knowing how fast he’ll shut harry out if he found even the slightest hint of pity on his features
There were none, just pure concern and what looked like…. anger, not at Louis, but at how Louis was treated
They had talked about it before, Harry knew exactly how Louis felt, have seen how hard he had been trying,
His eyes, his touch, said so much
Louis felt loved, seen, heard
Harry’s other hand snaked around the back of louis’ neck
And with the slightest pressure, louis felt Harry’s soft lips press against his forehead
Then the curly man pulled him into a hug, using the same hand to bring Louis in
His other hand let go of Louis’ fingers to rest on the bottom of Louis’ spine
Louis breathed him in, hugged him back, tightening his arms around him
And somehow, that was enough
Louis knew he was going to be okay
knew he will figure it out.
Louis didn’t see why they couldn’t speak now,
didn’t see the point of this distance between them when harry had been one of his closest friends at one point,
it was such an immediate connection between them that had slowly but surely grew into one of the strongest bonds louis had ever experienced, and then when it had evolved into love, hit louis all of a sudden, yet still felt like the most natural thing,
like it had always been there.
Before everything got way too complicated, that strong bond they built had never really managed to just disappear,
Still lives within louis, he doesn’t want them to never speak again, he wants them to reconnect,
now when they’re so far away from everything that made that initial bond falter and blur, maybe they can re-build a friendship.
Louis misses him, had been missing him, and frankly, he doesn’t see why they cannot just talk, yeah, they can just talk.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Huh.
If harry had to guess what’s the craziest notification he would see upon waking up, he would have guessed the actual queen, before the name he actually saw.
Louis
The name never looked more foreign on his phone, especially without the emojis harry had long removed by now, he doesn’t know how to feel,
why now?
Louis never reached out or asked about harry, not directly at least, he had heard from him, have had mutual friends say stuff like “Louis says hi, hopes you’re okay” harry had understood Louis’ need to keep a distance, hell, Harry needed the space as well.
So again, why now?
He needed to have at least one cup of coffee before he could even begin to know how he feels about this, let alone actually reply.
Harry sat up on his bad, pulled the sheets up and away from his naked torso, and with a deep sigh he stood up.
Why now?
He made his way to his ensuite bathroom, a glance in the mirror at himself, his eyes landed on the two birds on his collarbones.
“Harry this is ridiculous” Louis said
Harry could hear the awe in louis’ voice, even if his words said otherwise.
They’re at their go to tattoo shop, owned by one of their close friends, they loved going there because of how talented their friend is, ofcourse, and how much privacy they got.
Harry is settled on the recliner seat, Louis is sat beside him on a stool while they wait for their friend
“I want to have a little Louis always resting on my chest” Harry tried explaining, he knew he was being obnoxiously cheesy
Louis rolled his eyes, a little smile threatening to grow on his lips, he bit it away.
“Birds don’t even have eyebrows darling” Louis argued, barely
“These ones do” Harry said, squeezing Louis hand once to further convey to the blue eyed man how he wasn’t budging
Louis squeezed his hand back, and leaned forward to peck his boyfriend’s lips
Harry held Louis’ head with both hands on the boys’ cheeks
And deepened the kiss, tongue sliding inside louis’ mouth
He tasted like mint gum, and the tea he gulped down before they left
And a distinct taste that is just, Louis, that harry always craved.
Louis let him in, he slid his tongue against Harrys’
And let out a soft whimper when harry rubbed his tongue along the roof of his mouth,
He knew he liked it, harry loved learning each and every trick that caused the other man to break apart
Harry pulled away, Louis’ pupils fully dilated, seeming almost black, his cheeks a beautiful shade of pink
Harry’s chest filled with a feeling that could only be described as love
Louis brushed his own fringe away from his eyes, clearing his throat
He gets so shy sometimes, Harry feels immensely privileged that he gets to see Louis like this
That he is the one that made him get like this
Their friend walked in then,
“you ready?”
Harry kissed louis’ cheek once before sitting back on the chair,
“Yeah”
Harry felt his boxers grow tighter.
No, no, no
He is not allowing himself to open that door again, maybe it’s better to not reply
He picked up his toothbrush and tried willing his boner away
He is in a relationship with someone for god’s sake
He can’t do that to her
They had been on and off, he met her during one of his trips to New York for fashion week,
In an after party, they immediately hit it off
She’s such an attractive spirit, Harry felt drawn to her, in a way he hadn’t felt with anyone, not since Louis
He did have a fair share of one night stands and summer flings, none were ever serious
But right there in that bar, listening to this woman talk about her past, future, and everything that inspired her,
She was an art lover, had went to university in Paris to study film, and with a hint of a French accent
Harry was hooked
Camille is her name, and they had started dating a year and a half ago.
Had been on and off for the past 4 months, with both their schedules being busy they had found it hard to maintain a healthy relationship, ended up getting in too many small arguments about nothing and everything until it had piled up and
One night they had just decided they both were better off
Harry hadn’t been completely happy with that decision since nothing too big really occurred between them
And she is one of the few people he met in his life that he found himself so effortlessly having fun with,
And he knows she feels the same about him as well
That’s what led them to find themselves in this weird vague situation
But right now they’re in one of their good ruts
They have been texting back and forth, good morning and night texts, sending each other memes
and they had met earlier this week when both their schedules lined up
Things were good
Harry talking to Louis again definitely wouldn’t be a smart idea now
Before he could make a decision, he heard his phone ringing from where he left it on his bedside table
He finished up brushing his teeth and went over to see his phone light up with Camille’s name
Cam 🍒🍒
He pressed the accept call button,
and somewhere between her updating him about her day and him sharing what he has planned for his,
Harry made up his mind,
he won’t be texting Louis back.