Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

By the time Astarion’s disgusting, vinegary bottle began running dry, an anxious feeling had settled deep inside of him. He’d gotten by on pure luck so far. His newfound ability to walk in the sun, his astonishing ability to resist his Master's orders. The way he had stumbled into the protection of his companions. With one slip up, due to his stupid new habit of drinking his fill, that protection was threatened. Soon enough, his good fortune would be gone. 

Thou shalt not drink of the blood of thinking creatures. 

Well, sometimes he did question whether or not the members of his makeshift party really were thinking creatures. 

Regardless, three days had passed since feeding on Wyll had gone awry. He saw the way Lae’zel’s gaze contained traces of suspicion whenever Astarion moved through the camp. He heard the pointed comments from Shadowheart. The pair had already been at each other's throats, and he could picture either one of them staring down at him, wooden stake in hand. 

Understandable, he supposed. A vampire was not to be trusted. Plenty of his own experiences confirmed as much. 

The celebration following the saving of the grove and the desecration of the cultist goblin camp was beginning to come to a close. Astarion leaned against one of the trees framing the scene. Come morning, their group were to travel north in search of the source of the uninvited visitors residing in their brains, following the Archdruid’s advice.

Speaking of the Archdruid, Astarion locked eyes with Halsin as he surveyed the festivities in front of him.

Truly, he was ridiculous. For someone who cared so much about nature's sanctity and holiness, Halsin did not seem to mind being, frankly, a freak of nature. A wood elf was not supposed to be of that size, with tightly wound muscles sprawling across his form. Astarion ignored the way warmth and a twinge of excitement surged through him as he viewed Halsin’s arms. 

When turning his gaze back to meet the Archdruid’s look, he spotted something different in his expression. Something peculiar. A certain.. hunger.

Astarion knew it all too well. He knew what it meant, people seeing him in that way. He had utilized such desire in others far too many times. 

Thou shalt obey me in all things.

His thoughts shifted to the way Halsin had unleashed his strength in battle, effectively mauling half of the goblins by himself when they broke him out of the camp. Further, he considered the way practically all of his companions respected the wood elf’s opinion, regarding him with reverence. 

One last night of using his abilities would not be so torturous, Astarion thought. With one final chug, he finished the bottle of wine and began making his way over to his prey. 

- - -

Subconsciously, Halsin stood up straighter as the vampire approached. He couldn’t deny it, he felt a distinct pull to Astarion. Their time spent together had been cut short by the fact that he had to step up to his duties at the Emerald Grove. His time as a captive in his wild form had left him quite shaken, but one thing that had managed to lift his spirits was Astarions sharp wit. Listening to him bantering with his friends during the long hike back to the grove had been a privilege, especially when Astarion turned his attention to Halsin. 

Astarion’s elegant features had been crafted by the gods with great care and his lean body, covered in porcelain skin, could enchant just about anyone. But it was his words that had Halsin entranced. Throughout his long life he had met all kinds of people from all the different corners of the world, he had never met someone quite like Astarion. It intrigued him. 

The fact that he was so immensely beautiful certainly added to it. 

As soon as Astarion stood before him, his alluring melody greeted Halsin.

“Are your parties always such a bore? I was expecting something along the lines of an orgy with elements of bestiality, but I’ve been thoroughly let down,” he said, with expressive hands accompanying his words. 

“Astarion. We would not want to scandalize the poor tieflings, would we?” Halsin quipped back, with a wide smile. 

With Astarion’s wicked grin, Halsin spotted a flash of fang, almost gleaming in the moonlight. “Perhaps you wouldn’t. Do not speak for me, dear druid.” 

“I am sorry you are disappointed, Astarion. Someday, maybe you could visit the grove for a solstice gathering. I think your curiosity would be satisfied then,” Halsin said.

“While I do not keep track of your.. quaint holidays, I do believe such a solstice is rather far away.” Astarion reached out, tracing his lithe fingers along the goblet Halsin was holding, nearly touching Halsin’s hand. “How will you make it up to me at this current moment?”

With sparkling red eyes, Astarion looked up at him. A faint blush crept up Halsin’s cheeks as he met his gaze. The younger elf had managed to get him rather tongue tied, a rather rare occurrence. 

“Perhaps you could arrange for me to take part in a more.. natural kind of fun.” Astarion was practically purring, shifting his light touch to Halsin’s forearm “It would be my pleasure.”

How long had it been, since Halsin had taken a lover? He barely remembered it. His time had been spent wrapped up in his research, all of his efforts focused on solving the riddle of the Shadow-Cursed Lands. Soon he would head back there and if there ever was a time when he simply couldn’t be distracted, it was that very moment. 

Something about Astarion’s proposition made it difficult to refuse, however. He got the feeling that Astarion was used to succeeding with his flirtations. Really, who was he to deny either of their primal inclinations? 

“That could be arranged, yes,” Halsin finally said. 

"Splendid, darling. Meet me in the clearing as soon as everyone else is asleep.”

- - -

Thou shalt not leave my side unless directed.

Astarion was rather far from the palace at that moment, at least physically, as he looked out over the sprawling woods. In his mind, however, his master was watching his every move. It was curious. He had spent so much time being berated by Cazador, he could conjure up his voice in his own head. He could punish himself, despite the fact that he no longer had to take such words.

What are you thinking, boy? Do you really think offering up your body like the whore that you are means they will show you compassion? Pity? You were always so terribly foolish. My biggest failure by far-

“Astarion.” 

Halsin ripped him from his spiraling thoughts, and he quickly spun around to face him. He hoped he managed to turn on his grin before Halsin managed to spot any cracks in his facade. 

“My dear druid. I was almost worried you were not going to bother to follow through on your promise. I would’ve been left here, positively writhing with lust.” 

Halsin hummed, with a slight smile. He took a few steps forward, passing Astarion, to gaze out upon the forest. 

”Will you sit with me for a moment, first?” Halsin asked, looking back at him.

Astarion blinked. He was used to getting down to business, so to speak. Very well. Whatever the druid wanted. 

”Why not,” Astarion began, ”But if my clothes become dirty I am blaming you.”

Halsin chuckled, settling down in the grass. ”If we are to follow through with.. entertaining you, I assure you it might be difficult for you to remain in this pristine condition.”

Astarion grinned, after sitting down beside him. ”Halsin, are you going to defile me in more ways than one? Scandalous. I wouldn’t be complaining, just so you know.” 

”Have you always been so quick with your words?” Halsin asked in response, lips tilted into a soft smile. Again.. there was that warmth deep in Astarion’s stomach.

Astarion did not truly know the answer to that question. There was much of his life before- before Cazador, that he had suppressed. He had tucked it away into some corner of his mind, never to be touched. He was not certain if it had been a conscious or unconscious action on his part.

”I’ve always been told I can be.. poetic.” It was one way to put it. Snarky, obnoxious and difficult were some others. 

”Most certainly. I’m afraid I can’t always keep up with you, in conversation,” Halsin admitted.

”Oh, heavens no! I find you perfectly capable. For a bear, that is,” Astarion said with another grin.

That earned him another chuckle. After a couple moments of silence, Halsin spoke up again.

”Are you hungry, Astarion?”

Ah, there it was. Perhaps the reason Halsin had not yet ravaged him was because he was worried Astarion was going to rip his throat out with his teeth.

”I can assure you that I have my sanguine hunger under control,” Astarion said, brows furrowed. 

”That’s not what I asked,” Halsin said. ”I heard about the previous.. incident at your camp.”

Astarion became defensive, instantly. Perhaps he had misjudged things. No matter what, it seemed as if a stake was somewhere in his near future. ”I was not used to blood that did not come from an animal. But I thought it would be necessary, for the battle at the goblin camp. I will not lose control in such a manner again.”

”I did not mean it in that way, Astarion,” Halsin began. Halsin kept on saying his name, over and over again. It threw Astarion off. He felt perceived, noticed. ”If you need blood, you could take it from me. I would be willing.” 

Astarion searched Halsin’s expression. He was even stupider than he thought. Yet, the words instantly lit a fire inside of him. A teasing hunger emerged. It had been a while, after all.

Halsin must have noticed his hesitation. ”As you have surely noted, I am rather large.” 

”Tell me about it,” Astarion muttered, looking at Halsin’s arms yet again.

”I believe you would be able to satisfy your hunger without doing any harm to me. And if you were to go too far, I would be able to stop you.”

Could it really be so.. easy? Perhaps this little idea of his could be what solidified Astarion’s further survival. 

”You.. You would be willing,” Astarion said, resulting in a nod from Halsin. ”Very well then.” A smile spread across his lips, as he climbed into Halsin’s lap. ”Ah, as long as this doesn’t impact your.. virility,” he added with a smirk.

”My urges are difficult to inhibit, little star,” Halsin whispered in his ear. ”Go on now. Take what it is you need.”

- - -

The sensation was unlike anything he had ever experienced. At first, as Astarion dipped his fangs into the skin by his neck, Halsin was struck by a piercing pain. A soft gasp emerged from his lips.

Soon enough, however, all he could focus on was the way Astarion pushed up against his firm body in near desperation. Gone was the elegant and nimble creature he had come to know. All that remained was a lustful predator straddling Halsin, his hands clasped around him for support.

With an obscene moan, Astarion pulled himself away from his neck, allowing blood to flow freely. Astarion had been messy, crimson red spilling out, running down his lips. ”Oh, fuck.. Halsin.”

Halsin brought up his hand to the wound placed on his neck, mumbling a quick healing spell. The loss of blood made him feel dizzy but the feeling was disappearing quickly. His mind was elsewhere, focused on the desperate creature in front of him.

Halsin watched as Astarion grabbed his healing hand, bringing it up to his lips. He proceeded to lick them clean of every last drop of blood, soft moans spilling out of him with each swallow. 

Astarion’s glowing eyes matched the blood, and as he looked up at Halsin he shot him a slightly embarrassed look. 

”You are not one to be wasteful, surely?” The words came out in between pants. Slowly, Astarion appeared to be coming out of his frenzy.

”Not at all, little one. I do not judge you. Near animalistic bloodlust is not entirely unfamiliar to me, as you can imagine.” 

”Hah-! Animalistic?” Astarion laughed shortly.. ”You’ve been far too humane so far..,” he mumbled, pushing his hips against Halsin from the position he had claimed in his lap. 

Ah, yes. Another effect of Halsin’s generous gift was the way Astarion’s cock strained against his tight trousers, pushing up against Halsin’s strong body. 

”Besides that, you are wearing far too many articles of clothing for an animal.” 

Halsin smiled. ”Patience, Astarion..” He wrapped his arms around Astarion’s slim waist, pulling him closer. ”We have all night.”

”I don’t want to be patient anymore."

Chapter Text

I don’t want to be patient anymore

There was a somber hint to his tone. A darkness flashed across his expression, but it was gone in a second. ”Can you not feel how much I want you?” His grin had returned, and yet again he rutted against the larger elf. 

”If we are too hasty, it..” Halsin hesitated, nearly blushing again. He did not remember being so bashful with his past lovers. Perhaps he was simply.. rusty. Or rather, perhaps the little vampire had him nervous. ”I am quite large. I would not want to hurt you.”

Astarion sighed. ”Trust me, bear. My body can handle just about anything.” 

There was that darkness again. 

Before it could make Halsin hesitate, Astarion was undressing him with quick fingers, ridding him of his robes. He removed his own shirt, before laying back on the bedroll he had brought to the still clearing. ”You know, I was told I was to be entertained by a commanding and strong animal.. I don’t deal well with disappointment.” 

”No, we can not have you be disappointed.” Halsin towered over Astarion, reaching for the laces on his trousers. Sliding them down revealed Astarion’s cock, springing free. ”Turn around, on your knees.” 

”I- I much prefer to be on my back,” Astarion replied, quickly, in a rather serious manner.

”Very well. Bring your legs up, little one.” As Astarion hoisted himself up, Halsin reached for the vial of oil he had brought in the pocket of his discarded robes. With his fingers oiled up, he began gently circling Astarion’s rim. His other hand reached down to take care of his own hardening cock, growing ever so firm within his trousers.

Astarion breathed, as Halsin pushed a finger in. ”Mhm- remember what I said about not wanting to be patient?” Astarion looked down at him through heavy eyelashes, to where Halsin was positioned between his pale legs, spreading them apart.

Halsin wasn’t swayed. ”Let me take care of you, lover,” he simply stated, continuing to gently open Astarion up. As he pushed in another of his thick fingers, Astarion began moaning with every thrust in a practiced manner, arching his back. 

Halsin reached up, hovering above Astarion, still keeping his fingers inside of him. He removed his opposite hand from his own trousers and grabbed Astarion’s chin, Halsin made Astarion meet his eyes. 

”The noises you are making may be delightful, Astarion, but you must not perform in front of me. I will have you moaning in earnest for me soon enough.”

Astarion looked stunned for just a moment, before a slight grin shined through. The moonlight filtering through the trees highlighted his sharp features, along with his even sharper fangs. “Hm. Is that a promise?”

“I have lived a long life. I have taken and satisfied many lovers, I have guided them towards deep natural pleasures. I don’t intend to start being.. unsatisfactory now.” 

“Gods, natural pleasures ? You are such a- unh-” Halsin hooked his fingers, pushing up against what he hoped was Astarion’s sweet spot. The vampire was interrupted, a heavy breath escaping his lips. “- a cliché," Astarion hissed. The fresh blood rushing through his veins had his skin flushed, ever so slightly. 

Not even in this state did Astarion let his wicked tongue rest, Halsin mused. “Perhaps. Even so,” he began, pushing in his middle finger as he spoke, “I find it to be quite true. If you open yourself up to it, I will show you.”

Astarion panted, grabbing onto Halsin’s firm shoulder to steady himself as Halsin worked him open. “There is nothing natural about me. That is something you’ve surely already realized.” He reached down between them, grabbing Halsin through his trousers. “But, fine, I’ll bite. Does this “natural pleasure” include you fucking me, or will I be fingered until I’m leaking?” He was whispering in Halsin’s ear by then, and Halsin could feel his hot breath meeting his skin. 

“Oh, Astarion. You are already leaking.” With his free hand, Halsin also extended his hand between them. With his thumb, he spread Astarion’s precum down his shaft, before giving his cock a gentle tug. “Don’t fret. I will take you fully before we are finished.”

_ _ _

The druid was surprisingly filthy. And, gods, he was surprisingly capable with his hands. Perhaps it had something to do with the sheer size of them. Despite his impatient remarks, Astarion felt as if he was getting fucked with every thrust of Halsin’s fingers. 

The whole experience was.. different. Halsin calling him out on his performance had thrown him off. When he wasn’t pulling on his concentration to appear as enticing as possible, there was room for other sensations. He was able to focus on the way his synapses practically lit up each time Halsin brushed against that one particular spot. 

His blood thrumming through Astarion’s veins also had him feeling drunk,reeling with want and lust. It was as if an aphrodisiac was rushing throughout his body, all of his senses set ablaze. 

Astarion was stifling his moans, mainly because he always reveled in an opportunity to be petty, and if Halsin didn’t want to hear his pretty screams he did not have to. Still, gasps continued to slip out and he writhed unintentionally when Halsin moved his thumb across the cleft on the head of his cock. 

“May I taste you, Astarion?”

Before he had a chance to really consider the implications of that question, Astarion had formed his quippy reply. “That would only be fair, seeing as I have already tasted you.”

Halsin leaned back, settling down on his knees between Astarion’s thighs. With strong arms, he raised up Astarion’s legs, placing them on his shoulders. Astarion gasped as he was nearly suspended mid-air, as Halsin brought his arse up to meet his lips. Astarion had to dig his elbows into the bedroll to stay steady.

Oh, that kind of taste. Despite Astarion’s rather extensive sexual history, this had still been a rarity throughout his servitude to Cazador. It was an act that focused almost exclusively on his own pleasure. 

Halsin’s long, licked stripes became almost teasing. The angle was clearly a bit awkward. Halsin did not reach to fully pleasure his hole. Suddenly, Astarion realized why Halsin had resorted to such advanced gymnastics.

He was technically keeping him on his back.  

Gods, whatever. Hopefully he was so drunk and heady with lust that he would not notice or care.

”Wait,” Astarion muttered. Halsin halted, looking up at him with a dizzying gaze from between his thighs, mouth still agape. A drop of oil spilled from his bottom lip, and he looked positively ravenous.

Spurred on by his own lust, Astarion put his legs down, before turning around onto his knees. With an arch of his scarred back, he settled into the position. ”Like this,” he said.

”Of course, little one.” In the next moment, Halsin’s tongue returned to his entrance. Some twisted part of Astarion imagined the sensation of feeling the bear’s proper tongue against him, and it made his cock twitch. He really getting ahead of himself with this.. sexual reawakening. Halsin had not been lying, his dick was dripping with precum. The thought had barely crossed his mind when Halsin reached around and began jerking him off. 

”Ah-!” That bastard actually had him moaning. The combination of Halsin’s rough hand on his cock along, the other grabbing his thigh, with his wet tongue inside him was far too much. 

“There you are. I think you are nearly ready, lover,” Halsin breathed against his skin, sitting up. 

No, Astarion did not feel ready, he felt wrecked and dismantled. But he also felt as if he might burst if he did not get to feel Halsin inside of him properly. Without anything holding him back. His mission of seduction had been tossed aside, the roles reversed. Halsin was the one slowly unraveling him at the seams. 

“Do, uh, you need me to, get- get you ready?” Astarion exhaled, as he felt Halsin’s hot breath on his neck. He had brought himself up, towering over Astarion’s form. Their difference in size became breathtakingly obvious when Halsin had his knees placed parallel to Astarion’s, his chest pressed firmly against Astarion’s back. 

“I have been ready since your fangs breached my skin,” Halsin began, and Astarion could hear him unlacing his own trousers with haste. “Do not worry.” 

Astarion couldn’t help himself. He looked over his shoulder, and sure enough, Halsin’s imposing size was consistent throughout each and every part of his body. His cock was both excruciatingly long and thick. Despite his previous boasting about being able to take it all, he braced himself as Halsin lined up between his cheeks. 

“Relax, little one.” Astarion did as he was told, and the stretch was impossibly delicious. It made his mind go comfortably blank, each inch he took was all he could focus on. His supporting arms quivered. Before he knew it, Halsin had his arm wrapped against his chest, holding him up and keeping him steady. “We’re almost there.”

When Halsin was finally completely sheathed, they stayed that way for a few moments. Halsin, slotted against his back, practically mounting him, lips buried in Astarion’s neck. Astarion, catching a breath he did not actually need, his want steadily growing unmanageable. 

Then, Halsin started moving. With gentle and slow thrusts he fucked Astarion, making him whine, bring his senses back into sharp focus. 

“Did- ah, did anyone- ever ah, tell you-” Astarion grabbed onto Halsin’s bicep, steadying himself further with both of his hands. “- that you, uh, are rather- mh- large, for an elf?” His witticism became intercut with his moans. 

Halsin chuckled, picking up the pace. “Hush now. I thought I had managed to stall your words at last.” With every push, a deep pressure was building within Astarion. He wasn’t far from traversing over that edge, past the point of no return, just from getting fucked.

As Halsin settled into an unrelentingly fast rhythm, Astarion heard him virtually growling against the soft skin of his neck. Halsin’s hand came up to grab Astarion’s light locks, keeping his head in place. His thrusts became uneven, rougher, with each grunt growing louder. They were both getting close. Every movement, everytime Halsin hit that one spot deep inside of him, Astarion was getting close to erupting.

Thou shalt know that thou art mine.

Cazador was facing some serious competition, because at that moment, Astarion felt completely and utterly consumed by Halsin. He was his, he was irrevocably his.

Through his haze, Astarion found his words again, in desperation. “Gods, fuck, right there- Halsin, right there, harder!” His vision nearly blurred as he came with a frenzied shout, seed spilling out of his untouched cock, soiling the bedroll in front of them. 

Astarion was still reeling from his orgasm when Halsin pushed him to the ground with an unexpected roughness. Rugged hands gripped his hips as Halsin properly mounted him. A couple of hard thrusts later, Halsin let out a guttural yell as he came deep within Astarion.

They were both panting feverishly as Halsin pulled out of him, a wet and messy noise accompanying the movement. Astarion tried to raise himself up, seeing as he was currently laying in his own come, but he had apparently not recovered enough for such an exertion as his arms gave out. Again, Halsin’s arms were on him before he could blink, helping him sit up. 

“I apologize, little star. The bear within can get quite carried away when I approach my climax.” Halsin had evidently bought a rag, as he was now cleaning up Astarion’s chest, before he moved on to his ass. 

“Do not apologize for that, darling,” Astarion said, swallowing. A comfortable afterglow settled over him, leaving him satiated in an unfamiliar and foreign way. He was not certain if it was due to the massive amount of blood he had consumed, or the overwhelming, staggering, mind-boggling orgasm he had just experienced. With a frazzled breath, he tried to ground himself. He looked up at Halsin, just as he had finished wiping him off. 

Halsin had settled back onto his knees, sitting opposite Astarion. “There hasn’t been a single sarcastic remark yet. Please, do not tell me I have shocked you to that extent,” he said, with a gentle smile.

Astarion allowed himself to laugh at that, finally relaxing. “No, no you have not. Am I not allowed to catch my breath for a second, dear druid?”

“I happen to know vampire spawn do not actually have to breathe,” Halsin replied.

“Correct. And to think, I did not even get a chance to show you how that particular fact can be.. utilized. In a rather exquisite manner, might I add,” Astarion said with a teasing grin. “But, perhaps we can save that for next time, hm?” 

No longer did the moonlight dance across the morning dew. Soon enough, the sun would peek over the horizon, bathing the forest in its warm glow. Astarion would never grow used to it. A part of him felt a rush of anxiety course through him every time, urging him to seek shelter, before he remembered that he had nothing to fear anymore. 

At least, he did not have to fear the sun.

“Next time..,” Halsin mused, still smiling. 

“If we are lucky enough to find such a moment, of course. You are to travel north shortly, are you not?” Astarion asked, even though he knew the answer. 

“Yes, that is right. But you are joining us, no? To rid yourself of the tadpole?”

“The, incident, as you so delicately phrased it, has me questioning my future with my little ragtag group. A vampire spawn is hardly a trustworthy ally, so I understand,” Astarion said. “Perhaps this is our last night together, after all. I am pleased it did not go to waste.”

“Spawn or not, Astarion, these people are your allies. You have fought side by side, valiantly. I am certain they will not cast you out,” Halsin said. Astarion searched his expression, searching for his true intentions. He appeared contemplative. “I will make sure of it,” he said, finally. 

There it was. The coveted promise. It had Astarion feeling conflicted. He had gotten everything he had wanted. Hells, he had gotten more than he could ever have dreamed of in a single night. Why did it leave him feeling so unsure? 

The first rays of morning sun reached Halsin’s cheek, and Astarion allowed the enchanting sight to comfort him, suppressing his thoughts of insecurity once more. There were other things to turn his attention to, after all.

Chapter Text

“Do the scars bother you often?”

Halsin’s words jolted him out of his train of thought, as he had been scratching at the scars slithering up towards his shoulder. The wood elf had fallen into a short trance, as Astarion settled to watch the sunrise in peace. Alas, peace did not come to him easily. Did it ever?

He looked over his shoulder, gazing back at Halsin. He was resting on the bedroll, propped up on his elbow. Halsin had to squint, as the rays of morning sun blinded him. 

Astarion stayed silent, acutely aware of how uncomfortable he felt speaking of his scars. They were an everlasting physical reminder of his master, his abuse, his cruelty and of his power. 

“It’s not too bad,” Astarion finally said, turning back towards the sun. The warmth grounded him, and he closed his eyes so he could turn himself directly towards the sunshine. Part of him wished Halsin would not press the issue, but another part of him considered the fact that perhaps his companions should be made aware of his.. predicament. In case Cazador came after him. 

No. When Cazador came after him, they should be prepared. 

“Go on now, darling druid. Are you not going to ask about them?” 

“If you do not wish to speak of them, I would respect that. But they are a part of you, and I wish to know all of you,” Halsin replied.

Astarion chuckled, without any genuine happiness. “I thought I was the poetic one,” he said. 

Halsin arose, and walked over to him. Gods, Astarion was reminded of the fact that he was still naked as his bare shape settled down beside him. The druid had no sense of decency, clearly. 

“You knew that vampire spawn do not breathe. I assume you know how we are created,” Astarion began. 

Halsin nodded, urging him to go on. 

“I have a master. Cazador.” Astarion invoked his name as if it was a curse. “The.. markings, they are his doing.” 

Part of him wanted to press Halsin for information. Did he recognize the pattern? What did he see in the scarred tissue? What did it all mean?

What had been the point of that torturous night? 

The one that had been forever etched into his memory, never to be forgotten. 

“To punish you?” Halsin asked gently. Astarion was vaguely aware of the fact that Halsin was looking to meet his gaze, but he kept it firm on the landscape in front of him. 

“You tell me. I have spent enough time trying to rationalize why my master did the things he did to me. The answer always boiled down to the fact that he simply wanted to ,” Astarion said. His tone was harsh, not necessarily intentionally, but the topic of conversation had him on edge. Halsin’s gentle tone came across as pitying. “And why not, hm? It’s not like I could protest in any meaningful way. He was within his right to punish me for merely existing. To use my body, to use my soul.” 

Astarion gritted his teeth at the memory of the knife slicing through his flesh, again and again. He felt the pain all over again..

“Astarion, your master never had the right to do such things to you,” Halsin said, instantly earning a scoff.

“My nature does not seem to agree,” Astarion said, putting mocking emphasis on the second word. “The tadpole is the only reason I can resist his influence over me.” He gestured vaguely to his temple. “Before, I was his possession in every sense of the word.” 

For more than two centuries.

Astarion sighed, grounding himself slightly. “I can not imagine that you could ever understand,” he began. “But what you must understand is that Cazador will not be happy I escaped. He will come for me,” Astarion said, turning to finally meet Halsin’s eyes.

He wasn’t expecting to see such a troubled and contemplative expression on his face. 

Carefully, Halsin spoke. “I do understand your previous plight, believe me. One day, hopefully, we will be able to speak about these experiences together. However, I can tell that this conversation is agitating you, so let me just say this: If and when your master comes for you, I will be there.”

Then perhaps we shall die together, dear druid, Astarion thought, somberly.

With another sigh, Astarion tried to snap out of it. “Thank you,” he said, quietly, before turning his grin back on. “If anything, it would be a delight to see Cazador be mauled by you in your bear form.” 

- - - 

It was undeniable. Halsin preferred the thrill of adventure, travel and uncertainty above the quiet comfort of the Emerald Grove. The feeling was a welcome distraction from the heavy weight he felt settle over his chest, as soon as he was immersed in the cursed lands. 

The Last Light was a welcome and familiar reprieve from the all-encompassing darkness. Another reprieve, was his quick witted elf.

“Oh, look, dear druid. They’ve made you into a statue,” Astarion remarked, looking back at Halsin with his signature grin as they stood before Darkmaw the Wicked, frozen in time, contorted into an unnatural pose. Halsin chuckled, not bothering with a history lesson. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Halsin said. 

“You can take it however you want, darling. Now, I need to see if the wine here is as appalling as in the grove or if it can be classified as adequate.” In the next moment, Astarion was heading towards the bar of the inn, clearly not interested in bothering with the Harper. Luckily, Wyll seemed better suited for such a task anyways. 

Oak father, bring me strength, Halsin prayed silently. This was exactly what he had feared. 

Every sense of his being wanted to follow Astarion, to sit with him at the bar, to watch him as he charmed the few other patrons. Perhaps, he would even get to see Astarion show the tiefling children another trick, despite the fact that Astarion tried his very best to hide his affection for them. If luck was truly on his side, perhaps he would be comfortably buzzed after a few drinks, and Astarion would trail his nimble fingers across his bicep as they sat together.

But no. He had to focus. If anyone knew more about the land, about how to resist the curse afflicted upon it, it would be Harper Jaheria. 

When they finally settled in to rest for the night, exhaustion was threatening to overtake him. Being on the road was certainly riveting, but the onslaught of new impressions had him spent. His current situation was far removed from his peaceful and sleepy life at the grove, alternating hunting, researching, and tending the wilderness day in and day out. 

However, as soon as Astarion approached his tent, energy seemed to somehow find him again. 

“This place is just as horrid as you had described,” Astarion said, goblet of wine in hand.

“The Shadow-cursed lands is a place where nature and spirit come to die. I’d say horrid is a fitting description,” Halsin hummed, with a short nod.

“Oh, I was not talking about the curse, I meant this dusty inn. Somehow, the wine selection is even worse than in the wilderness! And don’t get me started on the selection of blood.” Halsin looked at Astarion, spotting his teasing smile. “What’s even worse is the fact that all the rooms are apparently occupied, leaving our band of “heroes” camping yet again.”

Halsin smiled. “Do you not see yourself as a hero, Astarion?”

“What do you think?” Astarion said sarcastically, face twisted into a frown. 

“I think those tiefling children see you as one,” Halsin said. 

“Well. I think the tiefling children are stupid. Feeding and housing them is a waste of resources and space,” Astarion said, looking away from Halsin’s gaze.

“Is that why you taught Mattis how to slip cards in and out of his sleeves?” Halsin asked with a knowing smile, still looking up at Astarion from his spot on his bedroll. 

Astarion blinked. Most likely he thought no one had been paying attention to his antics at the inn whilst the rest of the party discussed the matter of the Absolute with the Harpers and the Fists. Halsin had a hard time tearing his eyes off of him, however, meaning he had spotted Astarion slinging cards between his fingers with the child. 

Quickly, Astarion changed the subject as he turned back to Halsin. “Anyways. I was just so disappointed, because I thought that I might be able to ravage you on a proper bed this time.”

“Was it not the other way around?” Halsin grinned. 

Astarion chuckled. “Semantics. Anyways, there is no place that could pass for private here, and I would hate for the yell you let out while you come to disturb our companions sleep.”

“Would you really hate that?” Halsin had a hard time believing it.

“Well, no, of course not. But my point still stands,” Astarion said. 

Halsin stood up, stretching his hand out to Astarion. An offering. “Come. I happen to know some of the inn’s secrets.”

“Very well. But we are not holding hands,” Astarion said, shaking his head before he began walking towards the inn. 

_ _ _

Halsin’s idea of the perfect spot for an illicit night of lovemaking was a dank cellar, filled with cobwebs. 

“No bed I’m afraid, but plenty of privacy,” Halsin said, lighting the torches around them. “I must admit, this place was not quite as decrepit the last time I was here,” he continued with a bashful smile. 

“Do not worry. Reminds me of home, in a way,” Astarion said, his mind wandering to the kennel as he surveyed the basement room they found themselves in. It seemed to be where they kept the wine. If only it wasn’t so repugnant and vile. 

“Then perhaps we should return to camp,” Halsin said, his tone serious. 

“Oh, don’t be like that now. I do not deal well with disappointment, remember?” Astarion said, sitting down on the bedroll Halsin had spread out for them. 

Halsin remained standing, his face stuck in a pensive expression. “If.. If we are to continue being lovers, Astarion, I think it would be best if I knew what your servitude to your master entailed. I would not want to do something that brings up painful memories for you.” 

Astarion looked at Halsin, a distinct hardness accompanying his features. It felt as if he had been slapped, his pride raw. The feeling of being exposed, percieved, analyzed spread throughout him. It was going to be like that, hm? 

“Then perhaps we should not continue being lovers, ” Astarion said, words dripping in venom. 

A flash of hurt and disappointment passed over Halsin’s face. It infuriated Astarion further.

How very terrible for him, he would not be able to bury his cock in Astarion one more time. A great tragedy! Surely someone else in camp would spread for him however, Astarion thought. Perhaps even a shadow-cursed beast?

Halsin sat down next to Astarion, and his expression shifted to one of acceptance. “Very well. I do hope we can remain friends,” he said, quietly. 

Remain? Halsin saw what they had as friendship? Gods, what a foreign word. Friendship.

“Friends? Whatever for?” Astarion scoffed. 

“Because there are few things I enjoy more than listening to your words, Astarion. I would hate to lose the privilege of getting to quip with you,” Halsin said. “And even though I may have overstepped now, which was never my intention, I still hope that one day you might feel safe enough to share with me what you have been through. Regardless if our connection is a physical one or not.”

Astarion’s heart softened, ever so slightly. “You mustn’t worry about our banter. As you know it is hard to shut me up,” he said gently. He sighed, crossing his arms. “As for.. me sharing things with you, you must understand that I..” 

The words did not come to him naturally. He did not know how to construct this particular melody. 

“It was a part of his compulsion. I had to obey him in all things, and he commanded me to never speak of him. To never speak of what he did to me, or of my true nature. Part of me awaits the way my throat would close up and swallow the words whenever I attempted it. Alas, it never comes anymore,” he began. 

Halsin nodded. “I suspect your aversion to speaking about this is not purely physical, though?” he asked carefully.

“No,” was all that Astarion offered up as a response.

“You said he used your body,” Halsin said. 

“I used my body. I used my body to lure countless people to him over the course of two centuries. Soul after soul, lamb after lamb led to slaughter. Letting them fuck me made it much easier to lure them away, you see,” Astarion said, anger rising within him once more. “I do not even remember their names. I barely remember their faces. They blur together.”

Halsin stayed quiet then, only observing Astarion as he continued.

“You have chosen your friend poorly, I’m afraid. You think- you think those children in the inn-” Astarion had a hard time finding his words again, emotion overcoming him. “One of the last things I did for him was steal away several innocent children. Is this what you want to hear, hm?” 

Perhaps this anger of his was misdirected. But something, someone had to take it. It was far too much to bear within himself. 

He was furious at himself for becoming a vile creature. He was furious at the fact that Cazador had forced him to. He was furious at the fact that no one had been there to save him, no hero and no deity on his side.

Further, he was furious at Halsin. He was furious at the way Halsin would go out of his way to help every single creature they came across, despite there obviously being more pressing matters at hand. How Halsin would help a damn duckling cross a river even if it meant building it a bridge with his own hands. He was furious at the fact that Halsin had lived in freedom for several hundred years, whilst Astarion had died young.

He was furious at how he would be so gentle with Astarion, calling him “little star,” making his heart flutter.

They were both silent for several moments. The torchlight danced across the stone walls of the basement, the warm glow a stark contrast to the cold and harsh ground they sat on. The bedroll could only do so much. 

“I..,” Halsin began, clearly unsure of what to say. His face told an unambiguous tale. “I only wish to understand you, Astarion.”

“Well, good luck with that,” Astarion sighed, exasperated. The storm inside of him had been subdued, to an extent.

Halsin fiddled with a patch of moss that had managed to persevere and take root in the abandoned basement floor. Perhaps it was granting him strength, his precious god pulling through. “If it would make you feel better, I can leave. If it is what you want,” he said quietly. 

Was that what he wanted? What had he ever, truly wanted? Astarion searched within himself, looking for the answer to that question. 

Another foreign word stumbled across his mind. Autonomy. 

“I have no idea what I want,” Astarion said, candidly. “But no. Do not leave.”

“Then I shall stay, little star.”

Chapter Text

The following hour, their conversation shifted to less intensive topics, to stories of Halsin’s illustrious life. Halsin understood and respected that Astarion would not share any anecdotes of his own.

“Tell me of the last time you were in this beautiful little basement,” Astarion said, drinking wine straight out of a bottle he had swiped from the storage rack, despite his complaints of the taste. He appeared to be back to a more comfortable mood, not quite as on edge and fired up as before. Lounging on the bedroll with his elbow propping him up, he appeared as something out of a masterfully crafted painting. 

Art would never compare to the reality of Astarion, however. If they were to survive the path they were on, Halsin was certain that his little vampire would inspire sonnets and songs beyond comparison. In that way, his immortality was a great gift to the world. Generations of artists would be able to at least get the chance to portray him, to attempt to capture his beauty.

“It was almost precisely one hundred years ago. We were preparing to face the Sharrans and their Dark Justiciars,” Halsin began. “This inn was a place for gathering strength, and for one night I was able to find a welcome distraction from the imminent battle,” he continued, smiling at the warm memory. 

“A distraction?” Astarion asked, grinning at him. His features were illuminated by the torches, basking them in a fiery glow. “And who was that?”

“His name was Daeven. An elven Harper, here to join the fight,” Halsin said, with a chuckle. “He had only recently joined the harpers, and I could tell he was on edge.”

“Ah, and the perfect way for him to relax was to take your cock until he screamed?” 

Halsin knew Astarion was teasing him, and he reveled in it, taking in the gleam of his grin. 

“No, the perfect way for him to relax was to get away from the bustling Harpers and druids in the main hall. Me taking care of him on a bedroll was simply a bonus.”

Halsin looked at Astarion again, gaze trailing down his stretched out limbs. “It was a sight not unlike this one,” he grinned.

“Do I remind you of him?”

A short laugh escaped Halsin’s lips. “Gods, no. Daeven was careful and shy. He would rather have lived a quiet life, but his deep conviction to help keep the balance led him to the Harpers, to the conflict. I think the words you tend to utter would cause him to faint,” Halsin said. 

“Hm.” Astarion finished his bottle, rolling it away across the cracked stone tiles. “From your wistful expression, I take it he did not make it.”

“He perished on the battlefield at Moonrise. Along with far too many others,” Halsin said, his smile dropping. 

“Good thing you are here to honour his memory, then, by lifting the curse,” Astarion said quietly. 

A vibrant and warm feeling emerged from deep inside Halsin’s core. Hope. Hope to break the curse, and hope that he had not yet destroyed the fickle thing he and Astarion shared. 

Another gentle silence settled over the room. Despite the run down state the basement was in, he cherished the moment between them. Halsin was the one to break the silence, his words uttered delicately. “Will you tell me when you become hungry again?” 

Astarion’s eyes narrowed, his defensive disposition returning. “What do you mean, druid?” 

“You mentioned the.. selection of blood,” Halsin started. He chose his words carefully, trying his very best to not overstep another boundary. Astarion had mentioned that during his previous life with his master, he had exclusively fed upon animals. Halsin was still not aware of the details. “During our travels here, you were able to bathe in blood and feed freely during our skirmishes. However, that will not be an option out here,” he said.

“I thought we agreed to no longer be lovers. Do you remember how my last little taste of you ended?” Astarion asked. 

“It does not have to be like that,” Halsin said. “Was it like that when you fed upon the Duergar in the forge? The goblins?” he continued, daring to display a teasing smile of his own. 

“It was invigorating in another manner.” Astarion grinned, before he continued. “Do you want me to kill you? Is that what you're implying?” 

“Perhaps there is a middle ground to be found?” 

“Perhaps,” Astarion agreed. “I shall consider your offer.” 

_ _ _

The night had ended with Halsin falling into a deep trance, in peace as Astarion watched over him. 

Days passed without them being able to steal away such a moment again. Parts of Astarion could not help but feel relief, as Halsin became wrapped up in the mission, focused on their group’s common goal and the spirit inhabiting the lands. It meant that his focus had shifted from unraveling Astarion to unraveling the curse. 

Halsin had been getting closer. He had been frightfully close to bursting through Astarion’s carefully constructed walls of defense. It felt safer to put some distance between them, and their precarious situation enabled it. 

A raw, gnawing sensation had him crawling back. Halsin had been correct. Battling against shadows and reanimated creatures meant there was nothing for him to feed off of. His newly found appetite for the blood of thinking creatures had the self control he had been forced to cultivate under Cazador’s abuse wavering.  No longer could he ignore the deeply rooted desire. 

“Oak father preserve you, Astarion,” Halsin said gently, looking up from the wooden figure he had in his hands. Gods, was this truly who had Astarion's heart in such disarray? A nature loving wood-elf who whittled? Unbecoming of him, to say the least. 

His grip on the work in progress had his veins showing prominently. Astarion’s eyes followed the trails upwards, towards his upper arm. A memory manifested in his mind. 

Halsin’s big arm enveloping him, Astarion’s own fingers clinging to his bicep in pure desperation. Halsin groaning into the crook of his neck, pushing his cock deeper and deeper-

Gods. For a moment Astarion felt flushed, as the memory stirred something within him. That was unusual. Usually, his mind was somewhere far off during sexual encounters, leading to him barely remembering any parts of the act. 

“Druid,” Astarion replied, falling silent.

“Is there anything I can-,” Halsin began, but Astarion interrupted him.

“I would like to accept your offer.”

For a moment, Halsin appeared confused, but in the next one his expression settled into a different form. A more serious one. Halsin put down the knife he had been holding before standing up. “Lead the way,” he said gently. 

Astarion decided to lure Halsin along towards the docks situated below the inn. At that time of the night, they were quiet and peaceful. Only the crashing of the waves could be heard. 

“Is this where you slip off to at night?” Halsin asked, sitting down by the far end of the dock, gazing out upon the gloomy lake. 

“Are you spying on me?” Astarion asked, forcing a smile as he sat down beside him. He’d been pushing down the hunger for far too long, and it was threatening to burst at any second. He could practically hear Halsin’s thrumming veins, brimming with vitality. Astarion took a moment to compose himself, before meeting Halsin’s eyes.

“Let’s not waste anymore time, little one. How do you want to do this?”

How did he want to do this? He wanted Halsin on his back, Astarion’s fangs deep in his pulse as he drained any semblance of life out of him until he was nothing but a frail husk. 

At least, that was what his instincts told him. 

“Perhaps.. Perhaps feeding from your wrist will allow me to practice more.. restraint,” Astarion said, looking anywhere but the curve where Halsin’s neck met his muscular shoulders. 

Without hesitation, Halsin extended his forearm to Astarion. Another generous offering presented. 

Astarion was not one to hesitate either, as he clasped onto Halsin’s arm. He forcefully brought Halsin’s wrist close to his mouth. After biting down, the first drop consumed him. Ecstasy spread throughout his body with every swallow, with every gulp of fresh and satiating blood. 

Everything else around him melted away. It was different to feeding in combat. Here, he was able to focus on nothing else but blood. It was also different to the first time he had fed on Halsin, when he had rubbed himself against Halsin like a touch-starved animal. Despite his mind being clouded by the blood-fueled haze, a thought registered. That sensation had been wickedly delightful. 

With his lips still locked onto Halsin’s warm skin, he crawled onto Halsin’s sturdy leg. Every drop of blood had his cock twitching. A muffled moan escaped him as he pushed against Halsin’s thigh, chasing the friction.

“Wait.. Astarion.” 

Gods, Astarion’s senses were an orchestra crescendoing. 

“Astarion,” someone said again, but it only vaguely registered in his mind. Astarion was too busy quenching himself, indulging the beast inside of him.

Abruptly, it was ripped away from him. When the spell was broken, Astarion realized what had caused him to snap out of it. Halsin had pushed his head back, forcefully removing Astarion’s fangs from his wrist. He was left with blood streaming down the sides of his mouth, and his cock pressed firmly against Halsin. 

“I- Apologies..,” he began, unsure of how to continue, parts of him remaining in that dizzying headspace.

Halsin healed his wrist with his opposite hand, a bright glow emanating from his fingers. “Here,” he said as the wound had stitched itself back up, offering Astarion his bloody fingers.

Astarion jumped at the opportunity, licking them clean just as he had the first time they’d been in this situation. When they were no longer covered in crimson blood, Astarion’s hands moved without second thought to undo Halsin’s leather garment. Lust consumed him, causing him to act before his mind had the opportunity to inhibit him. 

Halsin’s hands were on his before he could blink, stopping him. “Not like this,” he said shortly, regarding their joined hands with a conflicted look in his eyes. It made Astarion return to reality. He considered the situation he found himself in.

“Ah,” he said, moving his knees so he was sitting in between Halsin’s thighs, as opposed to writhing against them feverishly.

“Not like the Duergar?” Halsin asked with a grin. Astarion was surprised that Halsin even managed a grin. He should be delirious from the immense blood loss. Hells, they should be on their way to wake Shadowheart for a proper healing spell. 

He laughed briefly. “No, not like the Duergar,” he said, shaking his head. “I think this middle ground you spoke of might be hard to find,” he continued. 

After gazing upon Halsin another time, taking in his rough smile, Astarion added: “when it comes to you.” 

Chapter Text

With a gentle touch, Halsin traced his fingers across the bark of the gray tree in front of him. All semblance of life was long gone. Still, he reached out. 

Are you there, Oak father? 

He was getting closer, that much was undeniable. Only a few more steps in the right direction, and the curse would be nothing but a dark memory. His efforts had been rewarded, but still, his mind drifted. His heart drifted. Astarion had planted firm roots within it.

I seek your guidance. 

There was no indication that his god heard him. Even if Sylvanus were able to reach the wretched lands, Halsin doubted it would please his patron to see Halsin so attached to an undead creature. His eternal servant, spending his evenings donating his blood. But even the undead have a place in nature, surely?

Perhaps he was just trying to convince himself. Perhaps, all signs pointed towards a certain course of action. Perhaps, Halsin would be better off cleansing his heart of any unnatural distractions.

The thought alone had his innards in turmoil. No, it was simply not an option. Oak father would not want him to put himself through such a thing. His heart was to be free. Lately, however, it only sought out one person in particular. 

Their relationship was complex, he knew that. Besides feelings of hope, inspiration, adoration and lust, Astarion’s presence inspired another emotion. One that was beginning to grow far too big to contain.

Rage. 

Halsin saw the remnants of Cazador Szarr’s abuse in Astarion’s behavior, in his actions. In his eternal cynicism. He saw it lingering on his pearly skin. As he and the spirits of the land got closer to healing the region, he considered his future. If he were to follow the group to the city, would he be able to contain himself, if faced with Astarion’s torturer? Every single part of him wanted to rip the vampire lord apart for ever daring to lay his hands on Astarion. 

He knew it was his fatal flaw, the brewing anger. But Astarion had been clear, he was not looking for any pity. Instead, Halsin channeled his feelings into fury. 

At least it meant he was a formidable asset in battle. As soon as any cursed creature even turned towards his little elf, his rage was effectively turned into violence and slaughter. 

“Hey, big bear. We’re heading to the towers. You don’t wanna miss it, do ya?”

Karlach’s voice had him pulling his hand back. As he looked over at the gathered party and spotted those icy white waves, his answer was a given. 

_ _ _

The defenses Astarion had built between them had remained steadfast the following days. Truly, impenetrable.

Until their party had made their way through the lower levels of Moonrise Towers, of course. 

Astarion felt high-strung as they made their way back to camp, trekking through the blighted terrain. “You’re being uncharacteristically quiet, Astarion,” Shadowheart said, clearly looking to initiate some form of banter to pass the time during their journey. He did not fulfill her request. Astarion merely scowled at her, and continued on his own. 

By the time they reached camp, lightning coursed through his veins. The raw emotion was becoming impossible to contain. He had to do something, he had to act. If not, he was certain he would destroy himself.

“I wish to speak with you,” Astarion said, interrupting Halsin as he was arranging his tent. 

“Ah, Astarion. Oak father-”

This was not the time. “Yes, whatever. Will you come with me?” Astarion said, stopping Halsin’s greeting before he had the chance to finish it. 

Halsin arose, nodding shortly at Astarion. “Very well.” 

“Will you come with me to the docks again? I- I actually uh, I enjoy being close to the water,” Astarion began, his voice sounding foreign to himself. He recognized what it was, however. 

Uncertainty. Trepidation. But perhaps most prominently, honesty. 

Astarion considered his words, as they settled down in the same spot they had been in just a few nights ago.. A hefty dose of hesitation still surged within him. Halsin’s spirit wandered freely, he spread his affections without a care in the world. Did Astarion truly hold a special place in his heart? 

What do you think, you stupid boy? He wants to bend you over again, clearly-

Gods, fuck it. He couldn’t bear thoughts tinged with his Master’s particular brand of cruelty anymore. 

“Are you alright, little star?” Halsin asked tenderly. 

“No,” Astarion said. Apparently, his candidness was there to stay. “Why did you do that?” Astarion asked, with his brows set into a deep frown.

“I do not understand. Why did I do what?” 

Lae’zel had pushed him. Why not? He had been happy to bite everyone else up until that point, why could he not just bite one more neck, if it meant a useful reward would be granted upon them. 

“You stopped it. You made sure I had a choice in whether or not I had to bite that vile drow,” Astarion explained. 

Halsin gazed upon him. “You said it yourself. I wanted to make sure that the choice was yours, and no one else's.” His bellowing voice had shocked Astarion, in the moment. He had only seen Halsin lose his cool once before, when scolding Kagha back at the grove. 

Well. There had also been that other time, on top of a bedroll in the woods.

Their eyes met. “Are you..,” Astarion began. He was at once reminded why he preferred smooth words and a forged facade. This was far too difficult. “The courting, the sweet words, the “little star.” Are you doing it all so I will fuck you again?”

Halsin was quiet for several moments. His look was piercing, and Astarion felt as if Halsin was taking him apart with his eyes.

“Have I..,” he began, but it seemed that Astarion was not the only one having trouble finding his words. 

After a breath, Halsin continued. “Have I done anything to lead you to that assumption? Because, if so, you must tell me.”

“You haven’t done anything. I however..” He trailed off. “Well, what else is there? Are you going to tell me it’s all just.. because?” Astarion said, followed by a scoff. 

Halsin nodded. “Yes. Yes, I am,” he said. “I have courted you because I enjoy your company and I wish to find myself in your presence more often. I bestow sweet words upon you because I think you deserve them. I call you little star, because at times, it is how I see you. A flash of light and energy whose beauty is nearly blinding. Dizzying.” 

Bashful, Astarion averted his eyes. The words were unwinding something that had been coiled up inside of him, for two centuries.

“I stopped you before biting the alchemist because I worry your past leads you to do things because you think you must, not because you want to.” Halsin hesitated again, before continuing. “I admit.. I worry I have led you to do certain things because you felt it was required of you.”

Ah. Astarion remained silent. 

“I have told you of the reasoning behind my actions. Now I must know yours.. Why did you approach me at the celebration?”

“Why? Well, Gods, you have surely noticed your own body, have you not? I- heh-” As soon as the words left his lips, it was obvious that he could no longer keep up this little ruse of his. He decided that he no longer even wanted to. 

“Astarion.”

“Yes, I know. I know,” he said, exasperated. “Something in me, some sort of instinct simply kicked in. I required someone to keep me safe. I needed someone to desire me, so they would make sure I stayed alive for them to indulge in.” 

Astarion dared to look up at Halsin. His gaze had not strayed, and his expression told a somber story. Clear as a sweltering summer’s day, Astarion could tell his words had hurt him. 

“Astarion, I am.. Please accept my apology, I-”

“Stop. I do not want you to feel sorry for me. Do not believe for even a second that I did not enjoy it, Halsin. I admit that my years of charming victims for Cazador has led to me being quite the performer. But I am not that good,” Astarion said, unable to bear the look of sadness splayed out across Halsin’s features. “I.. I did not mean for it to turn out like this. I was not expecting you to even care. I mean, you got what you wanted too, did you not?” 

“If I had known that you did not truly want to, if I had known that you did not seek me out because of your purely natural attraction, I would never have bedded you,” Halsin said.

Astarion considered his options. It was clear that honesty was the only path forward. 

“I will not lie to you. Sex is not so simple for me as it appears to be for you. Sleeping with you led to some conflicting feelings,” he said. “But.. It was different. You chased my desire, not just your own. It was different than anything I have experienced previously and when.. memories of that night reach me again all I feel is lust. Desire. “Natural” attraction, if you may. It has led me to consider that perhaps, sex can be something else. Something beyond a tool.”

Tentatively, Halsin reached out to grasp Astarion’s cold hand between them. He allowed it to happen, and after a moment's hesitation, he laced their contrasting fingers together.

“Perhaps you and I can be something else. As I told you.. I do not always know what it is that I want. But I think I want.. that, for us,” he said, and the smile that spread across Halsin’s lips was a sight to behold. 

However, the revelation filled Astarion with nothing but dread. 

“And that scares me. It has me terrified, Halsin, because..” Astarion halted his words. If he were to continue speaking, he could not guarantee himself that his voice would not betray him. He cleared his throat. “We’re getting closer to the end of this. We’re getting closer to the city.” 

With a nod, the realization dawned upon Halsin. “To him,” he said. “I understand. But I promised you once that you would not face him alone. I am a man of my word.”

“I know. You are a far too honorable man for someone as tainted as me.”

Halsin shook his head. “Do not speak of my lover in such a manner, please,” he said, daring to smile ever so slightly.

“Have we finally settled on being lovers again then, dear?” Astarion asked, daring to smile too, despite the lingering feeling of fear not leaving him quite yet. 

Halsin’s gentle smile faltered. “Our relationship does not have to be physical, Astarion.”

Astarion scoffed. “Oh, please. I have heard you go on about nature's beautiful and sacred gifts to everyone in camp, you are not one for celibacy.”

“I..” Halsin hesitated and glanced down to their joined hands. “You are the first lover I have had in a long time. I am not unfamiliar with spreading nature’s love in a non-physical manner. If that is something you want, I will happily give it to you.”

If only such a thing was possible. If only things could be so simple, so devoid of complexity and conflict. If only Astarion had met Halsin during his time alive. It would have been unlikely, seeing as Astarion had practically never wandered outside of the upper city during that time. He would rather drown himself in the sewers before hiking out to the Emerald Grove. Perhaps eventually, with age and maturity, Astarion would have ventured further despite it all. Perhaps he would have stumbled upon a handsome and rugged archdruid.

Astarion shook his head, turning his eyes to the still water in front of them. “I want you,” he said shortly. “I want to want you but I don’t know if I can manage it. I don’t know how.” 

He was finding it difficult to even take part in the conversation about it.  

“If it is what you want.. what you truly want, when you search within yourself for your intentions, then I will try to help you figure it out. If you will have me," Halsin stated, with the signature gentleness he tended to employ when it came to the subject. 

“Ah, dear druid, of course I will have you,” Astarion said, even though his grin did not quite shine the way it usually did when he teased Halsin. His words turned candid yet again. “Of course.. Of course I will have you.”

Chapter Text

A tenday later, Astarion was wrapped up in his own mind.

He did not know what to do with it. How was he meant to handle being forced to carry it around within him? The intense yearning. 

Astarion was no stranger to yearning. Throughout his unlife, yearning had been all he knew. He had yearned for blood, for power, for revenge. Most of all, he had yearned for some semblance of reprieve. What he was facing now, however, was an entirely different kind of desire. 

The feeling ran rampant inside of him, as he watched Halsin greet the sun out on the roof of the Elfsong. He had forgotten what the city looked like in the light centuries ago. Now, the warm hues painting the city in gold should have him entranced, but his druid was the only thing he could turn his attention to. 

Astarion took all of him in. The firm ripples of muscle covering his figure, his biceps straining against the leather band wrapped around them. The sprawling tattoo and the deep scars decorating his face. His auburn hair, tied up into a knot, framed by thin braids.

The desire was not purely physical, that much had become obvious to him by then. Just as his towering form could leave Astarion tongue-tied, so could his uninhibited compassion. Parts of him wanted to groan whenever Halsin extended his generosity to every single idiotic refugee, orphan and animal they came across. It was ridiculous. But whenever he pushed through the initial feeling of annoyance and remembered why he always had such a quick reaction of discomfort to seeing others receive help without any strings attached, all that was left was a feeling of reverence. Halsin’s rugged beauty carried through into his actions. 

His thoughts must have been showing on his expression in some capacity. 

“What are you thinking about, dear?” Halsin asked with a knowing smile, meeting Astarion’s eyes.

Embarrassed at being caught looking like a lovesick puppy, Astarion cleared his throat. “Your braids look really stupid,” he said, flushed. There was an obvious lack of bite to his words. 

Halsin simply hummed, his smile not leaving him. Together, they sat on the wooden steps, earning them a grand view of the city. His lover’s hand was tracing the moss sprouting from the stone tiles. Ignoring Astarion’s insult, he spoke. “It is a gift to see nature finding a foothold here, despite everything. Don’t you agree?” The curing of the shadow curse had meant his spirits had been lifted to the skies above, but the bustling, nature-averse city had threatened to drag them down yet again.

“Hm? Oh, the flowers? They’re fine, I suppose,” Astarion said, looking out across the rooftop garden. “I think you will find I am a greater gift,” he pointed out, his eyes flitting down to Halsin’s lips. 

“Yes?” Halsin mused. A careful, measured hand reached out to caress Astarion’s cheek. Astarion decided that gentleness did not suit Halsin. He was meant to be a ferocious creature, he was meant to ravish him, especially now when they had finally reached a resting place with proper beds. He was meant to take whatever he wanted. Astarion was forced to give it to him, he supposed.

Crashing his lips into Halsin’s, he joined them in a rough kiss. Slim fingers reached out, trailing across the druid’s arms. He was halfway into Halsin’s lap, when words broke their kiss. “Slower, Astarion,” Halsin said, placing his hand on Astarion’s chest to keep them apart. 

He made a frustrated sound. It was something Cazador would have punished. A tantrum, he would have called it, unbefitting. You whine and moan like a pathetic child, have you no-

No. Astarion refused to let his thoughts poison his mind. Especially when he was with Halsin. He tended to notice, after all, and Astarion had to prove to him that he could handle their shared intimacy. His druid had been so.. disgustingly gentle. He was forcing them to take things excruciatingly slow and the lust he inspired was threatening to spill out of Astarion if he did not do something about it.

On the first night they had spent in Rivington, Astarion had resorted to trying to pleasure himself in frustration. Despite being riddled with shame, he had snuck out of their camp to find some privacy. Even though he had admonished Halsin’s gentle touch in his mind, his hand was heedful as it made its way down the front of his trousers. 

The experiment had been cut short, however. He had attempted to turn his thoughts to his lover. To the way he looked when stepping out of the sea after a bath, naked muscles glistening in the sun, coarse body hair adorning his chest, but his mind betrayed him. 

Instead, his touch reminded him of red sheets and the smell of incense, filling the room where he had to distract his prey until his Master finally said he could stop. He thought of the rough ones. The ones who had been large. Just like Halsin was.

It was clear. He needed Halsin to ground him. Without him, his self-pleasure was nothing more than self-torture. 

For the second time that morning, Astarion realized that Halsin could probably read his face like an open book. He quickly shook his thoughts away, smiling slightly. “Alright. Slow,” he said with a brief nod. 

Trying again, Astarion locked their lips together in a more innocent kiss. His body, however, his entire being, craved something more. He was aching to be back in his lap, in those considerable arms. 

“I am telling you, I have looked within myself or whatever the hells you wanted me to do, and what my insides are telling me is to kiss you properly,” he huffed. 

Halsin chuckled, still content with simply sitting beside Astarion and pressing chaste kisses to his lips. Astarion wondered if he even felt anything similar to what was rushing through his body. If so, he was practicing a great amount of self-restraint.

It was more likely that he simply wasn’t as desperate and needy as Astarion. 

Was he not one of the most exquisite creatures in all of the realms? He had been told as much, several times. Hells, Halsin had called him as beautiful as a star in the sky. How could he just pull back? 

“As I said. Slow,” Halsin said, practically chastising him.  

Fine. Astarion would play his game, but he swore he would have Halsin begging him to touch him more before he was finished. Tenderly, Astarion took Halsin’s hand, giving it a squeeze as they continued with their careful kissing. 

“Slow, slow, slow..,” Halsin whispered between their embraces. 

Astarion braided his other hand into Halsin’s hair, and dared to deepen their kiss ever so slightly. Halsin let out a pleasured sigh against his lips, finally wrapping his arms around his waist and bringing him in closer. Astarion could not help but take it as a triumph. Some part of him saw this as another seduction, another conquest. He just had to break down Halsin’s self control, as he had in the clearing. It would hopefully not be too difficult to do it again despite his apparently fading interest. 

“See? When you want to, you can be a good boy, ” Halsin murmured.

Cazador had been skirting along the edges of his consciousness the entire morning, but as soon as those words, those wretched words reserved for a dog, hit his eardrums, he was right there with him. He was all around him, in all of his senses. He- he had his filthy hands on him!

_ _ _

“No!” 

The piercing words made Halsin’s blood run cold. It felt as though he had been doused in freezing ice. In the next second, Astarion’s pale and shaky hands were pushing Halsin off of him. He was scrambling backwards along the mossy tiles, his crimson eyes wild.

Still in shock, Halsin searched for the proper words. “Astarion, dear, I-” 

When he heard his voice again, Astarion seemed to come to. His frenzied movements seized, and he was left looking up at Halsin from below the short steps. “Hells..,” he mumbled whilst shaking his head, bringing up a frustrated hand to run it through his own hair. “Apologies,” he continued, silently. 

Silence stretched out between them. 

Astarion broke it. “I can’t take you giving me that look. It, I-” Astarion fumbled for his words. Initially, as Astarion opened up, Halsin thought his stunted and at times nervous sentences were uncharacteristic. It was becoming clear to him however, that Astarion previously used his honeyed words and masterfully melodic speech as a distraction. 

He hadn’t been aware that he had given Astarion any type of look, but his features were twisted into a frown. For a couple of moments, Astarion had looked at him with such immense fear in his eyes. It had him taken aback.

“I.. He just used to call me that,” Astarion finally said, followed by a deep sigh. “ Boy, ” he hissed.

Halsin opened his mouth to apologize, but Astarion stopped him. “You did not know. Do not say you are sorry. And I.. I did not know I would react in such a manner,” he said, casting his eyes down in a forlorn manner.

“May I touch you again?”

His frightened little vampire nodded, carefully.

With gradual movements, Halsin reached out, enveloping Astarion in his arms once again. “Even if you don't want to hear it, I am still sorry,” he whispered in his ear.

“What is wrong with me?” Astarion muttered, shaking his head repeatedly. “Don’t answer that. We both know exactly what it is,” he continued, his tone weak.

“Nothing is wrong with you, little star.”

“You don’t understand. I was doing it again and it seems like I can not even stop it. His lewd and pitiful seductor simply must come out whenever faced with a challenge.” He sighed again. His next few words however, were uttered in a small voice, without any viciousness. Only trepidation. 

“Do you even desire me like I desire you?” 

The question was perplexing. How could Astarion ever have any doubts? 

“Astarion.” Halsin tried to keep any pet names out of his response, until they had settled on which Astarion was comfortable with. “Astarion, my desire for you is unparalleled. I think my desire could lead me to move mountains for you. I find myself calling upon my god to bless me with restraint, so that I do not do something I regret. Something you are not ready for.” 

Astarion’s fearful eyes flashed through his mind.

“Although it appears I overstep anyways,” he said. 

Astarion pushed himself away a few inches, from where his head had been resting against Halsin’s chest, enabling him to look up at his druid. “I know you want me to tell you of my boundaries but I do not know where they are.” 

“That is alright. Nature will guide you and you will figure it out,” he said, despite the fact that he knew Astarion tended to mock him over always mentioning nature. “Now I know to not call you anything like that. I will call you your name. And little star, if that still pleases you.”

“You can call me sweet things, darling, I do it to you,” Astarion replied. “Just not.. just not boy. Not in that context.” 

“Then we have that settled,” he said, with a marginally optimistic smile. 

Another silence fell, and Halsin remained satisfied simply holding Astarion close, surrounding him. The sun had made its way above the horizon. Streaks of amber and gold had been replaced by the bright blue sky above. 

“I don’t think slow is working,” Astarion said suddenly, as if the words had sprung out of him after some deliberation. “It just frustrates me. It makes me want to conquer you, to force you to show me how much you want me. It makes me want to steal my pleasure from you.”

His thoughts were brought to the first and only time Halsin had bedded him. They had been slow then, in a way, but the focus had been on Astarion. Halsin had done everything to please his lover and he had not been inhibited by any kind of worry or fear. Perhaps that was what he needed, not this coy dance they were currently performing. 

“It seems I have neglected you,” he said gently. “Next time I will not be so slow. You will get anything you want freely,” he continued. A promise.

“And next time will be on a bed, inside,” Astarion added.

Halsin laughed then, glad the tension had at least partially lifted between them.

“Now, tell me again how much you desire me? With details,” Astarion prompted, his smile returning. It was a different smile, different in character to the grin he usually sported. This display of happiness appeared more.. truthful.

Halsin smiled too, before indulging him, letting all of his thoughts spill out of him like a forceful current. The sentiments came out of sequence, but he did not care.

“You are a constant presence in my thoughts, every night before I slip into my trance. If I could dream properly, I am certain I would dream of you too, then. I already dream of you when I am awake. 

Once, after you fed from me I did not heal your bite marks completely. I enjoyed seeing the reminder of what I can do for you reflected on my body. 

When I bathe, I will swim off to find some privacy. Then, I will stroke myself while thinking of the pale expanse of your body, of how you moaned and writhed for me when I touched you the first time. 

I find parts of the city abhorrent but it matters less when I get to be close to you when walking through the streets. 

I search for you in every room I enter here in the tavern. I long for you in every moment I am not by you.”

Chapter Text

Astarion had refused to share for another night. The communal room they had rented reminded him of dormitories of the palace where he had been cramped up with his fellow spawn. A trick or two later, after dexterous hands had dipped into pockets where they shouldn’t be, he had gotten himself the funds for a private room. 

When Karlach found out, she was not subtle in her complaining. She towered over him as he gathered up his belongings to move them into his newly acquired haven. 

“How is that fair? You’re not going to share at all?” 

With a grin, Astarion stood up. “Certainly not with you barbarians,” he said. “Now move,” he continued, before making his way towards the bed that Halsin had claimed.

“Oh, I see how it is. I’ll miss you fangs!” Karlach called out after him.

He shook his head, still unable to shake his smile as he came up to Halsin. Gods, he was whittling again. Astarion was still undecided on whether he found it endearing or cringeworthy. 

“Ah, my heart! Right on time. I just finished this for you,” he said, standing up. In his stretched out hand, a small wooden bat could be found. The grooves were smooth, following what had probably been hours of work.

Very well, it could be slightly endearing after all. 

“A little on the nose, don’t you think dear?” he grinned, but he accepted the gift nonetheless, turning it over in his hands. 

“You know I lack subtlety,” Halsin pointed out. “A vampire bat for my vampire.”

A thought crossed his mind. He had received gifts before, he had been showered in jewels and fancy presents from charmed subjects. But he never got to keep any of it. This, this quaint little figurine, could be truly his. “Thank you,” he said softly, before placing it in his bag with the other belongings he had gathered up. “Now come on. We’re switching rooms.”

“Switching rooms?”

He led Halsin through the corridors of the Elfsong, towards his new room. As they stepped in, Halsin began to protest. “Astarion, if you want privacy I will not rob you of it. I truly do not mind resting with the others.” 

Astarion gestured with his hand to the large opening in the wall, leading out to a balcony. Crawling vines covered the stone railing and potted plants lined the open space. “Look, sacred and holy nature,” he pointed out, dryly, as if to convince him.

That earned him a chuckle out of Halsin.

“The room is not necessarily for resting. Neither one of us actually sleep, after all,” Astarion said. “It’s for fucking,” he clarified, dropping his bag by the large, four-poster bed. 

“Ah.”

He settled down on his knees on top of the comforter, looking up at Halsin expectantly. 

Halsin moved over towards the foot of the bed, carefully reaching out to caress his cheek. ”Already?” he asked, tracing his thumb across Astarion’s bottom lip. 

The soft touch brought on a surge of warmth deep inside of Astarion. He felt his desire begin to stir as he met Halsin’s eyes and saw that his own hunger was reflected in them. With a nod, he closed his eyes and leaned into the embrace. Halsin’s hand matched the rest of him, size-wise, and feeling his touch against his skin stopped his thoughts from wandering. 

“No more waiting,” Astarion said, opening his eyes to meet that ferocious gaze. “I want you now.”

”I can not believe you doubted my desire for you,” Halsin muttered, pushing his thumb past his lips and into his mouth. Astarion allowed him in, closing his eyes again and turning his focus to the sensation of Halsin’s worn finger against his cheek. 

“Perhaps you should fuck me in such a way that I can never doubt it again,” Astarion said, but his words came out partially muffled, tongue flitting against Halsin’s thick thumb. 

When he spoke, Astarion could practically hear Halsin’s grin shining through in his response. “Perhaps I will,” he said. “Now. Where should I start?” he asked, moving his hand to cup Astarion’s chin.

Astarion considered his question. He did not know what to ask for, and even if he did, he did not know how to voice his request.

“Just do it,” he managed to get out. “Just take it.” 

“That is not what we agreed to this morning,” Halsin pointed out, his movements stalling. “I will not go slow, but it is to be on your terms. Or not at all.”

“Why not?” he asked, feeling frustration begin to rise within him yet again. 

With a sigh, Halsin crawled onto the bed, settling his knees parallel to Astarions, facing him. His head almost bumped into the canopy above. “I know it can not be compared to your pain, but it hurts me to see you suffer. It hurts me when I am the one causing you to have that look in your eye.” 

The unbearable tension that had been building up between them partially gave way to a more tender moment. “I trust you to not do anything I don’t want,” he said, even though he wasn’t quite sure if he believed that himself. “I trust you to bring me my pleasure without restraint.” 

Halsin hummed, regarding him with contemplative eyes. At least, he granted Astarion his gentle touch again as he stroked his cheek. 

”Can you tell me which parts you enjoyed about our first time together?” 

It would be so simple to wrap his words in threatrics and frills, as he tended to do. But then, would that not defeat their purpose? In Halsin’s ravenous eyes, he could see that a more honest path would lead him to finally releasing the tension he held onto deep within. 

Hopefully.

_ _ _

It took a nearly insurmountable amount of strength to not let his desire run rampant. Astarion was right there within his reach. His perfect lover whose beauty could lead men to start eternal wars, was there for him.

Halsin could feel the rumble of the beast within, threatening to be unleashed. However, by then, he had plenty of experience exercising his self-control. He would be careful. Just for a little while longer.

The white, ruffled shirt he usually wore was easy to undo and get rid of. Underneath it, lean muscles and pale skin stretched out before him. He could have been carved from a statue, chiseled out by a masterful artist.

As he was beginning to undress him, Astarion spoke. 

”Well.. Of course I enjoyed the blood,” he said. ”I thought you were stupid and had little regard for your own safety, but it still stirred me. That you would do such a thing for me.”

”Then bite me,” Halsin said, as he rid himself of his own garments, tossing them aside. 

Astarion swallowed, and turned his head away in an almost bashful manner. ”I..,” he began, but the words trailed off. 

”Tell me, lover,” Halsin encouraged.

”Take my trousers off first. I like the sensation of my cock rutting against you when I feed.”

”My, then of course we shall have that sorted,” he grinned, pushing Astarion onto his back so he could wring him out of his trousers and throw them to the floor. His cock was half-hard, laying limply against his upper thigh. 

Evidently he must have noticed Halsin staring, taking all of him in. ”I want to see you too,” he said, nodding to Halsin’s pants where his own erection was throbbing, straining against them.

Halsin obliged, stripping down fully, before getting back to his position on his knees in front of Astarion. 

”I like your size. I like how easy it would be for you to toss me around, to overpower me. And I like the fact that you would never do such a thing unless I asked you for it.”

”Come here now. Drink your fill,” Halsin said, using some of that strength Astarion had admired to position him in his lap, with his knees placed apart. The placement meant their cocks rubbed together with every movement, making Halsin breaths become strained and filled with lust. 

They had never done this without any barriers between them, Halsin thought, just as Astarion reached up to sink his teeth into the veins sprawling across his neck.

He never did get used to the initial pain, that freezing sensation that spread across his body. It did not matter, for moments later the ecstasy of having his lover close overtook him. Astarion moaned against his skin in contentment, grabbing onto his arms with fervor. Halsin was not sure if it was the blood loss that had him feeling dizzy, or if it was the feeling of having Astarion’s sweaty skin pressed against his. 

“Yes..,” he managed to breathe out, wrapping his arms around Astarion’s waist and pushing him even closer. One day, if he was lucky, perhaps he would get to experience feeling Astarion’s fangs pierce his skin whilst he was buried to the hilt inside of him, closer than he had ever been. 

Astarion pulled off of him, finally. “Gods,” he groaned, blood running from the corner of his mouth. He quickly licked it up, before giving the same treatment to Halsin’s open wound, getting every crimson drop. “Heal yourself before I lose my mind.”

With a chuckle, Halsin let go of Astarion for a second to close up the marks from the bite. He allowed Astarion to ground himself, before he pushed on. There was no way he was going to stop now. 

“Continue, little star. What else did you enjoy?” he asked, moving his hand down to where their cocks strained against each other. Despite his own imposing size, he managed to wrap his hand against both of them, earning him another sound of pleasure from Astarion. 

“Fuck.. I, I enjoyed your tongue inside of me.” 

Releasing his grip on them, Halsin pushed Astarion down onto his back on the bed. “Be more descriptive,” he said, before leaning down to plant kisses trailing down his exposed stomach. 

“It felt all-consuming, having your mouth and your hands on me,” he breathed, as Halsin took his entire length into his mouth. Giving oral pleasure granted him infinite satisfaction, and hearing Astarion’s honest words spurred him on to lick and suck until Astarion was left quivering. “Ah! I thought, I imagined what your tongue, uh, would feel like in your other form,” Astarion admitted, words interspersed with his moans. 

At that, Halsin felt the bear within roar and his eyes begin to glow in a golden hue. He had to pull off of Astarion to keep it under control. A vicious growl escaped his lips.

“Was that too much?” Astarion asked, and when Halsin was certain his bear would not burst out he opened his eyes to meet his perplexed expression. “It was just a fantasy-”

Halsin could not help but laugh. “It was too much, but not in the way you think. I sometimes struggle to contain the beast, and your enticing words threatened to unleash it,” he assured him. 

He took in the sight before him. Astarion was splayed out on the bed, his ivory skin covered in a sheen of sweat. “Have you ever..?” he asked, words shaky. 

“Yes. And perhaps one day we will fulfill that fantasy of yours,” Halsin began, towering over him again, “But not today. I am not certain this bed will even handle me in this form.”

Placing a gentle kiss on his lips, Halsin gazed into his eyes. “You must never contain your desires or fantasies. I will never judge you, lover. You can tell me anything. You can ask for anything,” he said. 

“Can you open me up with your tongue again?”

“Get on your knees," Halsin replied.

Obliging him, Astarion rolled over onto his stomach before getting up on his quivering legs. The first taste was exquisite when coupled with Astarion’s whimpers. He pushed his tongue beyond the rim, giving him hungry kisses. 

“Did you bring any oil?” he asked, pausing for just a moment to breathe against Astarion’s skin. 

“In the bag,” Astarion panted, with a waving gesture towards the floor beside the bed. It pained Halsin to sever their contact for even a second, but he reminded himself that if he wanted to finally sink his cock into Astarion, he had to get it. Reaching over the edge, he snatched up the vial with haste. 

Getting back into his position, he took a moment to admire his little star. He traced his hands along his curves, his edges, before oiling up his fingers. “I think your body alone could have me enchanted. I would do anything just for you,” he muttered. 

“Yes, yes, my form is incredible. Now get on with it, please,” Astarion begged. With a chuckle, Halsin began working him open, his slicked up finger working in tandem with his tongue. 

“Just, ungh, darling, no more waiting!”

“You are almost ready,” Halsin said, pushing in another finger. “I won’t hold back, I promise.”

Astarion was shivering, and the moans spilling out of him had Halsin’s shaft flushed, achingly hard. He was dripping onto the bed. Involuntarily, his fingers began moving faster, driven mad by his lust. 

_ _ _

Consumed. That was the only way to describe it, how he felt when Halsin’s thick cock breached him. How had he managed to go several tendays without feeling this again? This agonizing, incredible stretch? 

“I want to see you,” Halsin grunted between thrusts, before pulling out. Astarion whined at the loss of him, before he felt himself get flipped over onto his back. Rough and jagged hands gripped his hips, lifting him up so Halsin could insert himself again. 

Yes, this was better. Now he could see Halsin too. His passion was present across every inch of him and his expression made it clear that Astarion wasn’t the only one lost to his desire. 

“You take it so well,” Halsin panted, pushing into him harder. His filthy druid had returned, evidently. Astarion was unable to match his words however, he was certain that any attempt at speaking would only come out as desperate nonsense. 

He was coming undone, in the way he had hoped. In the way he had begged for, in the way he had thought about ever since that first night that Halsin had managed to make him forget every other time he had been spread out across a bed like this. 

Astarion grabbed onto his tensed shoulders, attempting to steady himself. The inn bed had clearly not been constructed well enough for his ferocious lover. With every rough thrust it creaked and rumbled, the wooden frame straining. 

“Mh- close, close,” Astarion managed to get out, and his words prompted Halsin to reach down between them to touch him, bringing him even closer. Somehow, Halsin moved even faster, even harder. With a cry, Astarion came, dripping over his stomach as well as Halsin’s hand.

Without a doubt, he could tell that Halsin was not far away himself, in the way his thrusts became uneven and frantic, in the way his grunts filled the room. “Astarion,” he grunted, desperation rising. 

“Go on, take me,” Astarion breathed, spurring him on. 

The words seemed to push Halsin over that razor sharp edge. In the next couple of moments, he felt the milky come spill out of him as Halsin pulled out with a final, satisfied moan. 

“Oak father preserve me, Astarion. You have me under your spell.”

Chapter Text

After the high of his orgasm has subsided, Astarion made an attempt to sit up. Halsin was settled on his knees, attempting to catch his breath. Still, he pushed Astarion back down. 

“Stay. Let me draw you a bath, my heart,”

As Halsin left him there on the bed, after toweling him down, Astarion was alone with his own thoughts. There was one part of their first encounter that Astarion had enjoyed immensely, that he had not dared to voice. He had been afraid that it would cause Halsin to stop with worry. 

Some vile part of him had loved it when Halsin had lost control, when he had pushed him down onto the bedroll. The thought even had him flushed as he laid still on top of the covers, looking towards the moonlight streaming through the windows. After finally finding his coveted freedom, it seemed that as if he still desired to be controlled, at least in some capacity. 

With his thoughts running rampant, he had not even noticed Halsin approach him again after filling up the tub placed in the corner of the room. Surprise filled him when he was lifted into the air, carried off towards the bath and dipped into the warm water.

“Are you not getting in?” he asked, when Halsin knelt beside him on the hardwood floor. 

“I doubt we would both fit comfortably. I do not mind, let me take care of you,” he said, words followed by his gentle smile as he reached for the soap. 

Astarion allowed Halsin to bathe him. It was an intimate and submissive form of care, and it brought his mind back to his previous thoughts of control. Of giving it all up. Of Halsin losing it completely.

“What is on your mind, lover?”

“Your self-control is admirable,” Astarion began, softly. 

“I have had a long, long life of practice,” Halsin said, moving the suds across his back in circular motions. 

“I think I liked it. When you lost yourself, and you.. and you took whatever you wanted,” he said, looking up at Halsin with serious eyes. “Some part of me craves it. Even though I shouldn’t have, I enjoyed the moment you lost control. When you pushed me down and I had no choice but to take it.” He could not help it. His tone was solemn. 

Halsin hummed, movements halting. He was silent for a long time, meaning Astarion began to worry if he had been too honest yet again. Perhaps it had become far too much for Halsin, Astarion’s warped and twisted mind. 

The silence was broken. “As you know, I have lived a long life. I was not always the archdruid, living a still life leading the grove. Before, I sought adventure wherever I could find it. My wayward heart led me to the Underdark.”, he said, tangling damp fingers into Astarion’s tousled waves.

“Why are you telling me this?” Astarion asked with a mildly annoyed sigh, before closing his eyes. He just wanted to hear that he was not completely broken and messed up, a service Halsin usually offered freely.

“Because I think it could bring you peace. As I said, I was led to the Underdark. There.. certain events unfolded and I found myself captured,” he said. “After our first night, I told you that I understand your pain. I was only kept for a few years and it cannot compare to the centuries of captivity you have endured, but I still feel that you and I are connected, in that regard.”

“Kept?” Astarion inquired, his thoughts scrambled. 

“The matron and patron of a noble house found me most intriguing. I did what I had to do in their bedchamber to see another day, to see the sunlight yet again.”

Suddenly, the bathwater felt very, very cold, and a chill trickled down his spine. He understood what those words meant. It dawned on Astarion that Halsin was right. They were intertwined, their histories dancing in tandem. 

“How did it end?” Astarion asked. He wanted to know if Halsin had prayed like he had, and if the prayers had been answered. He needed to know if there had been a glimmering hero riding in on a powerful steed, like in his earliest fantasies. 

“Menzoberranzan houses are often plagued by conflict. My captors were raided, and I managed to escape in the chaos,” Halsin said. His words were calm, and there was even a hint of a smile spread across his lips. Clearly, he was able to speak about his past plight with a lightness rarely bestowed upon Astarion. 

“All of this is to say, I have felt similar things to what you are feeling right now, after I returned home. Admittedly, I did not see them as.. shameful, as I imagine you do. But I sought out encounters with drow lovers,” Halsin explained. “For a period I found pleasure in being collared again.”

“I.. I’m sorry,” Astarion said. He did not know what else to give Halsin, because he knew there was nothing that could be said to undo the actions of others. 

Halsin smiled. “You mustn’t be sorry. It was a long, long time ago. I tend to focus on the positive parts of the experience, and what it taught me.”

Astarion felt his vision blur. What had Cazador taught him? The words spilled out as rage soared through him. “I’ve only been taught violence, hunger, manipulation, assault-” He got up without warning, water splashing over the edges of the tub. “Perversion,” he finished, walking over to his clothes with dripping steps. 

Remaining on the wooden floor, Halsin frowned. “Astarion,” he said, pain carrying through into his tone.

After he had turned around and considered the situation, Astarion made an addition to his list. “Selfishness,” he said, looking guiltily at Halsin. Every moment in time had to be about him. He had only been able to focus on his own survival for all those years. Even now, when Halsin had opened up about his past. “Please forgive me.”

“There is nothing to forgive, my heart,” Halsin said, before rising. He took measured steps towards Astarion, daring to place his arms around him. “I did not mean that you must have learned something, or that you must look back at what you have been through with positivity. I only wanted you to know that I do not judge your desires, even now,” he whispered, leaning down towards Astarion’s ear. His silver hair was still slightly wet, clinging to the skin of his cheek. 

They were speaking about it as if it had already passed, Astarion thought. As if he had already gotten through his little predicament. It was easy to forget with Halsin, even though his past haunted him now and then. It was so easy to forget the fact that Cazador was still merely a walk away, perched in his palace in the same city Astarion found himself back in.

When he met Halsin’s gentle eyes again, he decided that perhaps there was no harm in trying to forget, for now. Their time together was finite, and what little time remained was better spent together. Not wallowing in fear. 

“Is this constant drama what you imagined when I approached you at the celebration?” Astarion couldn’t help but ask, even daring to smile ever so slightly.

“Astarion, dear. I think I knew from the moment I saw you that you have a flair for the dramatic,” Halsin replied, a smile mirroring his own. “It’s something I appreciate about you. I think I needed some drama in my existence.”

“Well, you have certainly found it,” Astarion hummed, shaking his head at his stupid druid. 

Halsin, with his hands remaining at Astarion’s waist, led them towards the bed. “Let me dry you. Then we shall rest.”

His entire body felt pliant, as Halsin toweled him down. “You are certainly an adequate servant,” he mumbled, but he was too worn out for any further witticism, both from the sex and the following mental turmoil.

Gods. Would it ever just be simple? 

“I will always serve you,” Halsin whispered, before getting into the bed. “I know you said the bed was not for resting, but it is as good a place as any, is it not?”

Astarion nodded, getting in beside him. 

Falling into bed with a filthy animal, how fitting for you, boy.

No place was sacred from thoughts of his master, not even their shared bed. A horrifying image passed through his mind. Cazador laying his eyes upon Halsin, observing the way he cared for Astarion, hearing his gentle and sweet words. 

And then, punishing him for it.

“If..,” Astarion began, disturbing the silence that had set in. He clearly could not help himself, bringing it up again, despite his earlier thoughts of cherishing their time with each other. “If we are to face Cazador together, you must not speak to me. You must not show that I am in any way special to you.”

Turning over, Halsin met Astarion’s crimson gaze. 

“He will use it. If we are unable to stop whatever he has planned, if he.. He will torture both of us with it. In ways you cannot even imagine.”

With a nod, Halsin reached out to touch his cheek, carefully. Astarion tried his best to find pleasure in his gentle touch. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced. Intimacy without a sexual motivation behind it, what a novel idea. Laying in bed together with a lover, simply enjoying each other’s presence. That part was still simply a dream, as they were still stuck discussing Cazador.

“I understand. But I will still protect you in any way I can. I will not hold back,” Halsin said.

“That’s-,” Astarion began, before sighing. A man of his word, an honorable man, he reminded himself. There was most likely no way to sway him on this matter. “Very well. When he peels your skin off section by section, just remember what I told you,” he mumbled. “Or when he forces you to watch me as-”

“Astarion,” Halsin said, stopping him. “You do not need to paint me a picture. I am well aware of how cruel your master can be, but we intend to stop it.”

“Intentions only get you so far, dear druid,” he said. 

With firm hands, Halsin grabbed Astarion and pulled him closer to his chest beneath the covers. “That is true. Actions are far more useful, and act we shall. Tomorrow,” he said. Another delicate promise. 

Silence covered the room, and soon enough Halsin’s breathing slowed, his mind slipping away into a trance. 

Astarion knew that it would be impossible for him to rest. He really should be used to this eternal anxiety. He supposed that previously he had been able to suppress it all, he had been able to tuck it away inside his mind to be forgotten. Sweet dissociation was nowhere to be found anymore, not when Halsin’s arms enveloped him. 

Carefully, he slipped out of Halsin’s grip, and headed towards the balcony. It was not easy maneuvering himself out of those thick arms. Part of him wanted to stay there forever, always wrapped up in his lover’s touch. 

The quiet night felt familiar, like walking into a memory. The sounds, the smells, the breeze. Thankfully the Elfsong had been too classy for him during his nights of hunting, meaning that the rooms and corridors did not haunt him in the way certain back alleys and dicey taverns did. 

In the far off distance, Astarion spotted the glittering lights of the upper city. The palace stood out among the scenery.

He wished that he was like Halsin, with his faith tied to a benevolent god, able to gain strength from a prayer. Perhaps then he could stabilize himself. Perhaps then, everything would not feel quite so insurmountable. 

Perhaps if a god had been watching over him, guiding him, he would have noticed the presence beside him before it was too late. 

“Brother. We are here to take you home.”