Work Text:
It has been a few days since the last incident.
Bucky woke up screaming in the middle of the night because of a nightmare. It took about an hour for Steve to bring him back. Bucky’s body was paralyzed, he was sitting on the bed, his gaze staring at an imaginary point in front of him. He was muttering some word in Russian, too fast for Steve to understand even if he has been secretly learning Russian to understand those nightmares better.
Around an hour after, Steve managed to ground Bucky by talking to him, and with a lot, lot of patience. He couldn’t touch Bucky, not when he didn’t know where his mind was, not when he could snap his neck with his metal arm in seconds.
-
This episode was a big one, and these were rare, but still terrifying for both men. Usually the days after that, Bucky would go non-verbal. He could feel his brain buzzing and he needed some time to himself. Not completely alone, it was not safe to leave him completely by himself, but he needed time to get his brain online.
When Steve woke up, three days after the nightmare, he stretched in the bed and realized that Bucky’s part of the bed was empty. "Probably another night without sleeping", he thought. He knew that Bucky needed sleep to recover but he also knew how traumatizing sleep could be when your brain was messing with you.
Steve stood up and put some sweatpants and a t-shirt on. He walked through the small corridor and the smell of coffee lead him towards the kitchen. Once there, he saw Bucky, sitting at their small table in the kitchen, a mug of coffee in front of him. He had his legs folded to his chest, chin on his knees and his gaze was unfocused, staring through the window. Steve made sure to walk a bit louder to announce his presence in the room. Bucky seemed to have heard him, his eyes focusing again and his head slowly turning towards Steve. He gave Steve a small nod, and he understood that today would be another silent day. Steve gave him a small nod back, walked to the counter to make himself a cup of coffee and settled on the couch of their living room, to give Bucky some space.
As the morning went on, Steve went for a run, a small one as he was anxious to leave Bucky by himself for too long, but he would go insane if he spent whole days in their tiny silent apartment.
He bought some groceries on the way back and came back to their home. When he closed the door behind him, he saw the figure of Bucky, he didn’t seem to have moved an inch. He sighed, took off his running shoes and put the groceries in the kitchen.
He grabbed some clean clothes from the bedroom and headed straight to the bathroom to take a shower. He didn’t lock the bathroom door, just in case Bucky needed something. He put the clothes on next to the sink and raised his head to look at himself in the mirror. He looked exhausted. He still got more sleep than Bucky but he really spent most of his nights just turning in the bed. He knew that he had to be patient, that Bucky would come back to himself in a few days. Sam told him, "Recovery takes time, don’t expect him to be the Bucky you knew before so soon", and Steve knew that. It has only been a few months since Bucky decided to come back to Steve’s life, and he was glad. But he didn’t thought of everything that would come with it, he was just happy to have his best guy back.
After his shower, he dressed up and went in the corridor to go to the bedroom. He saw on the corner of his eye that was Bucky was not in the kitchen anymore but on the couch. He had put a blanket over his shoulder and was looking through the window, the sun going through it probably warming him. Steve smiled to himself and went to open the bedroom door when he heard something. If it wasn’t for his super-soldier hearing, he wouldn’t have heard it. Just a faint whisper calling his name.
Steve froze with his hand on the door handle and turned in the direction of Bucky. The man was now looking at him in his eyes, a faint expression of pain and tiredness in his eyes. Steve walked slowly towards him, making sure to not startle him.
"H-hey Buck, you okay?" He asked as clearly as he could, keeping his voice low.
Bucky nodded to the place next to him on the couch. Steve took the clue and sat carefully next to Bucky, keeping a safe distance between them. They haven’t been to close physically since before the nightmare. Steve had always missed the way they were close when they were younger, always an arm around the other’s shoulder, or sitting next to each other in front of the radiator to get warm.
Bucky opened his mouth, as if he wanted to say something. Steve gave him time and made sure to not stare at him to not pressure Bucky, but he gently shook his head and never said anything. Minutes and minutes went by and they just sat next to each other on the couch, the sun making it’s way further into the silent room as the afternoon went by.
At some point, Steve must have dozed off as the sun was warming his skin. He felt some weight on his shoulder. He suddenly opened his eyes, careful not to move a lot and looked at his side. Bucky’s head was against his side, his eyes seemed to be closed. Steve smiled to himself. Bucky finally gave in and fell asleep. Maybe he didn’t want it, maybe it was just his body that was too tired and decided to shut down. But at least he could get some rest, and Steve was glad about that.
Steve moved a bit closer to Bucky so his body was not in an uncomfortable angle and rearranged the blanket on his shoulder. "‘Night Buck," he said very very quietly. Bucky leaned more on Steve’s body and he heard his breath steady, knowing that he was now fully asleep.
Steve knew that everything would not get better for Bucky as soon as he wants him to be, but in the end, he could get used to their quiet apartment.