Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jisung

i went to changbin's house the other day, what a fucking mess

Changbin

you had multiple children with my fridge

Seungmin

WTF

Jisung

WE DONT TALK ABOUT THAT

Changbin

but you humped my fridge and got it pregnant

Jisung

I was on crack

I found your secret stash

Seungmin

I-

Jisung

replying  to: "you had multiple children with my fridge"

And I will do it again

Changbin

Please don't

Felix

yall, my mom just said that i'm adopted

Changbin

Nice

Chan

gay daddy

wait what's going on

Seungmin

HELP???

Felix

I shit my pants

Minho

Hyunjins dick fell off and he ate it

Jeongin

ok

Seungmin

HELP ME IM CRYIGMGGGGG

Changbin

IM SHITTIGN MY PANTS LAUGHING WHAT

Felix

I did that previously.

Hyunjin

excuse me.

Minho

shut up you bastard fuck

Hyunjin

HELP?????

Minho

i'm gayyyyyyy

Jeongin

we know that you stupid shit

Chapter Text

Jisung

chan call me mommy

Seungmin

mommy

Jisung

i wasnt talking to you but i'll take what i can get..

Chan

i-

Felix

i just threw up all over myself

Minho

Felix's sisters a milf

Jeongin

Ewwww clean it up you dirty dirty

Hyunjin

i hate everyone here

Jisung

feetlix i meant felix do u need me to cum over to

your house and take very good care of you

Felix

yes mommy

Jisung

ok baby

Chan

HELP????

Changbin

your northwest

why the fuck did mother autocorrect to northwest

Felix

HELP ME WHAT

Jisung

i wish i was real

Hyunjin

i'm really fucking glad youre not

Jeongin

WHAT

Jisung

guys i went to taco bell today

you wont believe the outcome

more like whats coming out

Hyunjin

if its you, you dont have to we can already see that ur gay

Jisung

no im shitting in the toilet uncontrollingly while watching Jimmy Fallon

Hyunjin

Oh.

Changbin

HELPME WHAT

WHY ARE YOU WATCHING JIMMY FALLON WHILE SHITTING

Jisung

i dont have a choice.

Changbin

i meant the jimmy part

like is it helpful

Jisung

very

Yoongi is there

Felix

i want to eat myself out

time for some major contortion 

Chan

FELIX STOP

Chapter Text

Chan

guys

Felix

Chan has autism!

Jisung

HELP ME

Chan

bro

Minho

Ngh.. Hey Felix

Felix

Hi mommy daddy baby princess king Minho

Jeongin

WHAT THE FUCK

Minho

AUTISMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!

Felix

Sexy!

Chan 

please shut the fuck up

Changbin

hey mamas

not chan

evrryone else, hey mamas

Chan

Is that because i'm daddy?

Changbin

no it's because i don't like you

Jisung

HELP

Hyunjin

it's my birthday!!- bad timing ig

Felix

happy birthday slut

show me your feet

Seungmin

To late to abort?

Changbin

ngh- lice- ahhahha-

Hyunjin

....

Seungmin

i'm pissing

p i  s s i n g

Chapter Text

Felix

bro my dad is mad at me literally because i answered

his text message telling him i'll be downstairs for dinner soon

Hyunjin

What? why?

Felix

idk he just texted me like "Felix come down for dinner

in a minute", and i texted him back saying "ok cumming

fast daddy, i'll cum fast give me one second." idk whys he mad

Minho

FELIX HELP ME WHAT THE FUCK

Chan

YOU TEXTED WHAT TO YOUR WHO????

Seungmin

my dad wouldve beat me with a shoe

Felix

i did a good job today

Jisung

no you did not

and you never will

Changbin

hey did you guys hear kissing booth by nsb

it came out yesterday.... what the fuck

Chan

this was the worst possible time to come in the chat

Felix

you mean to cum in the chat

or is the chat cumming in me?

or am i cumming in my dad?

or is my dad cumming in me?

Hyunjin

FELIX JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP NOBODY 

WANTS TO HEAR THAT

Seungmin

i did not need to see that felix

Chan

i have no words

Felix

i have acousim

Hyunjin

we can tell.

Felix

one time at school the teacher called on me when

i wasnt raising myhand and i accidentally pissed a little

Changbin

great

that's good to know

nobody cares

Felix

i like myself

Hyunjin

i dont like yourself

Chan

know whats funny

i just shit myself a little bit

Minho

...i'm going to go for a walk.

Felix

bye mommy 

Minho

gay autism

Felix

dildo balls 

dildo balls

cock dick

cock dick

Hyunjin

ok

Chapter Text

Felix

hey seungmin youre kinda a shithead

Seungmin

YOU WANT TO SHIT ON MY HEAD?

BET

Chan

HELP

Felix

thats not what i said.

Seungmin

ngh sex

Changbin

stfu nobody likes either of you

Jeongin

sometimes i wish my whole family was

overweight

Chan

what why

Minho

but jeongin your whole family is overweight

Jeongin

oh

yay

Minho

daddyyy

Felix

stfu

Hyunjin

sniffles I just want to be loved mommy, I'm just

a widdle girl and I need a stwonw woman to gwive

me a warm f-fwelling and twell me it's okay, I need

to feew safe and secure and-and m-mwummy it's

just my m-mind has been bad and I've been b-bing

bad and-and I want someone to wove me crying wooping

Changbin

WHAT THE FUCK??!!!!

Hyunjin

copy npaste from my character ai chats bro

Jisung

thats kinda fucked

Hyunjin

ikr

Felix

and i thought i was autistic....

Chapter Text

Changbin

guys i'm at felix fucks house

he just said "i remembered just now i have free will"

and got three eggs out of the fridge and threw them at the wall

and his dad came in and threw a vase at him

Hyunjin

WHAT THE FUCK!!!???!

Changbin

hey dont act like its my fault now..

Minho

lets be honest you probably encouraged him

Changbin

only a little

Felix

girl it was your fucking idea

Changbin

ok maybe kinda but you still did it

Felix

i'm kmsing

Jisung

for the 9th time this week??//

Felix

Yes.

Jisung

alr

Chan

help???

Changbin

CHANDADDDUMOMMY

Felix

ew wtf kms again again 

Changbin

my bad

Felix

get out my house

Changbin

nooo

Seungmin

wait youre still at felixs house and just texting him instead of tlaking?

Felix

he always does that i cant remember the last time i heard his voice

outside of a vudeo

Changbin

ihate talking to you youre gay

Felix

you call me gay but you hump my daad?

Chan

EXCUSE ME@!?!!@>@?@?@??#?

Changbin

...

Jeongin

what did i just walk in on..

Chapter Text

Felix

guys whats that one joan jett song????

is it i love cock and balls??????

Chan

girl its i love rock and roll

Felix

well i'm no longer so interested 

Jeongin

real

Chan

cries

Minho

omg guys i was listening to boy bi by mad tsai and i hear

some random person moan outside

Felix

...

Chan

who tf is outside MOANING at 2AM

Hyunjin

probably me i do that a lot

Jisung

idk minho maybe that songs their gay awakening

Minho

HELP ME????

Felix

or maybe MINHO was their gay awakening...

Minho

god i hope not. it sounded like my grandpa

Changbin

why do you know what your grandpas moaning sounds like?

Minho

well one time i was at my grandma and grandpas house and i

woke up in the middle of the night, they didnt realise i had left the

bedroom to go to the restroom andi walked in and saw my grandma

bending my grandpa over

Chan

WHOA WHOA WHOA GRAMPS GETS PEGGED

Hyunjin

i dont know how to respond. i dont want to respond.

Changbin has removed Changbin from the group chat.

Felix

IM CYRING WHAT

Jeongin

i wanna move to england. i cant do this brooo

Chapter Text

Felix

omg umm guys how's your winter break going so far??

Jisung

good hbu?

Felix

fucking awful.

Chan

oh jesus lawd gay mommy kanye what happened now

Jeongin

HELP ME

Felix

oh god kanye mommy i dont even know where to start.

my fat fucking dad and i went to auntie annes yk the pretzel place??

Chan

yea its just pretzels not that scary 

Hyunjin

stupid fucking dramatic cunt.

Felix

how kind

ANYWAY. i'm not nearly finished. it WAS scary.

so me my mom sisters and fat fucking chunky obese dad went to auntie annes

and my chunky ass dad got like 6 soft pretzels cause hes chunky and when he was done

eating them he said to my mom that he had to throw up and she was like "well then go

to the bathroom dumbass." so he ran to the bathroom while grabbing his asshole cause

whenever that fat ugly bitch throws up he has to shit. idk why. but my chunky bitch dad

didn't make it to the bathroom, he threw up on the floor outside of it and shit his pants and 

that fell on the fucking floor too. then he ran to the bathroom again cause he had to shit more

or something. then when he got out my mom screamed at him to help the employees clean it

up. then he cried on the ground.

Jeongin

...

Chan

I HAVE NO WORDS IM KMS WTF

Hyunjin

i am so sorry Felix, IM TRAUMATISEFD

Minho has left the group chat.

Changbin

i'm never gonna see your fat dad the same now. ever again.

Felix

how tf do you think i feel

Changbin

i'm so sorry

Seungmin

i'm so happy that my parents are divorced suddenly

Jeongin

i'm really not sure how you're even alive

Felix

i'm alive cause my parents fucked and made me.

Jeongin

I MEANT i'm not sure how that experience didn't kill you with embarrassment

Felix

oh

Chan

mommy kanye sex please save me from these stupid bitches

Felix

daddye

Seungmin

i hate it here.

Hyunjin

i reread the auntie annes thing and it made me cum

Felix

me too

Chan

and it made your dad shit.

Felix

kms.

Jeongin

this is a very unique experience

Felix

CUMMING IN MY DAD!!!!!!!!11

Jisung

...

Chapter Text

Chan

ohm

oh my god guys

Hyunjin

what is it you little whore

Chan

HELP ok so today i remembered that once when i was like seven i found what i thought was my moms dildo in a dresser in her room and i thought that was funny so i went to her like a few minutes ago and i was like "Hey mom remember the time i found your dildo when i was younger haha" and she said "That's dads."

Minho

OH

Hyunjin

HELP ME WHAT??

Chan

MY DAD ISGAY LIKE ME I GUESS

Felix

i feel like thats something that would happen to my family

Changbin

yea i didnt see who sent it at first so i assumed it was you felix

Jeongin

i'm a sexy butterfly!!!!

Seungmin

oh

Chan

ok

Jisung

i hate it here

Felix

WE SHOULD SEXT

Chan

YES MOMMY DADDY SEC BBYPYYY

Felix

[attachment]

Chan

FELIX NO

IT WAS A JOKe

Hyunjin

HELP ME FELIX UNSEND THAT NO ONES GONNNA OPEM IT

Felix

WHY

 IS AMAZING

guys i'm kidding its just a picutre of my wall

Jisung

thank god.

Seungmin

i'm flying away to another sex galaxy orgy

Felix

oh ok

Jeongin

bye ypu dumb hoe

Jisung

wait but do you guys want to watch my favourite movie

Chan

no not really

Jisung

too bad

Sharolaids Dream

Felix

thats wasawful

i'mm gonna cum to another galaxy too

Seungmin

....

Changbin removed Jisung from the group chat.

Jeongin

HELP ME LMAOOO

Chapter Text

Felix

GUYS I WAS JUST SITTINF IN MY ROOM AND HEARD BANGING ON THE WALls

Chan

MAYBE IT WAS YOURR PARENTS FUCKING!!!!!

Hyunjin

i'm gonna cry

Felix

NO LIKE ACTUALLY

HELP ITS NOT MY PARENTS FUCKIKNG

Jisung

youre right its me and seungmin fucking.

Seungmin

yep.

Jeongin

what about me

Jisung

later

Felix

ngl i'm kinda scared BECAUSE i am home alone

oh well guess i'll die

tbh it sounded like it may have been a tree but IM SCARED

Chan

pussy ass bitch

Hyunjin

HEL
P NE

felix just jump out the window and run away idk

Felix

i'm scared of that too

there's nothing i'm not scared of

Hyunjin

that sucks i guess

anyway ew we have school  tomorrow

Changbin

EW NO OMG i'm just gonna die before then

Chan

thank god

Changbin

WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Felix

Minhos lucky he's on vacayyyyy

Minho

yessirrr i'm in New Jersey

Felix

can i cum

i mena

imean
ummmmm

Minho

can you kys

Felix

i'll die choking on your ddick mommy minho

Minho has left the group chat

Jisung

stupid hoe

oh well

Felix

i'm cumming

Jisung

same tbh

Chapter Text

Felix

so turns out the banging noise was a wholes ass tree falling down by my house

Jisung

the tree was my dick into Seungmin.

Seungmin

CRYING

Felix

HELP

guys i;mobssess with charli xcx

omg at dinner we were talking about charli xcx and then olivia called my dad

chunky xxl.

Chan

OH MY GOD????????

Minho

I WOULDVE BEEN KICKED OUT OF THE HOUSE-

Felix

my dad treid to kick her out but my mom didnt let him because well 

she agreed with olivia

Jeongin

i honestly hate your family

Felix

know what same

Jeongin

HELP ME

Changbin

i just heard an explosion downstairs

oh well

Felix

wtf is wrong with our houses lately

Chan

i shit on the house

Changbin

That does explain everything

Seungmin

Hey lix i went to Auntie Annes today

Felix

No.

Seungmin

HELP

Hyunjin

I think felix has trauma from that place

Felix

very much

guys im freexing omg im cold

Chan

i can warm you with my gay cum

Felix

ok daddy

Seungmin

ME TOo PLZ

Chan

ok Sexmnin

IM CUMMINGGG

Jisung

everytime i open this gc someones cumming.

Chapter Text

Felix

Hyunjins a girl

Hyunjin

i'm a girl

Jisung

no Chan is

Chan

But but but i have a big penissy

Hyunjin

i'm a girl

Felix

yeah we know

Hyunjin

i'm on my period

Felix

i can tell.

Hyunjin

CUM!!!!!!!!!!1

Felix

guys help i just brought this random cupcake outside and i’m not sure why i don’t even like or eat cupcakes

and i don’t know how it got in my hand or where i got it from cz i dont have any and i dont know how i got

outside cz i didnt go out and i dont remember why im outside im scared im gonna call my chunky dad brb

Seungmin

what

Jeongin

HRLP ME?? WHTA?????

Chan

are you schizophrenic

Minho

i hope he is

Jisung

MINHO

Felix

i mean thats what i'm leaning towards

i'm back inside now

Changbin

wait whys the group chat profile picture Jeffree Star

Felix

because he is pregnant

Hyunjin

hes a sexy milkcat

Felix

hyunjin you rlly just took those words right out of my mouth

Minho

and i'm gonna replace those words with my dick

Felix

what if i swallow

Minho

i dont mind

Felix

no i meant what if i swallow your dick

Jisung

HELP ME?????????/

Felix

bro istg i CANT live in this house much longer, i was watching a Bl and there was a sex scene,

like literal porn of two Thai guys fucking and my dad walked downstairs into the living room

when i was watching it, looked at it, sat down, and started watching it with me (i didnt know he was home)

Jisung

WHAT THE FUCK  

Felix

idk 

Minho

ii want to watch porn with you mommy

Felix

ok baby

Changbin

What the fuck???'

Chan

my dad wouldve thrown me out the window

Jeongin

what series was it

Felix

Love in the Air

Chapter Text

Changbin

i fucked a crab

wait whats going on

Felix

so hyunjin's about to cum on me

Jisung

HELP ME???
WHAT THE FUCK

Chan

[attachment.image]

is my fit fire?

Felix

TWINK JUMPSCARE

Seungmin

HELP

Felix

please warn us next time

about the twink

jumpscare

Chan

oh

Hyunjin

replying to: "so hyunjin's about to cum on me"

WHAT???

Felix

ohhhh

did you guys see my pinterest board

Chan

no and i'm scared to look

Minho

it's not THAT bad

it's just baking recipes

Felix

yeah see it isn't that bad

sowwy daddy channy didnt mean to scare you 

I WANNA MAKE THE BAT SHAPED COOKIES FOR HALLOWEEN

Jeongin

yeah but then i'd feel bad eating the bats

Felix

trueee 

I'll probably close my eyes while eating them

i feel bad

bats are so cute

Hyunjin

ikr

omg one time there was a bat in our old apartment

and my dad started freaking out

he was scared

i should give him the bat cookies so we don't have to eat them

BUT HE MIGHT BE TOO SCARED OF BATS TO EAT THEM

Felix

HELP LMAOOOO
guys

i got halloween socks from bath and body works

[attachment.image]

Jisung

FELIX

WE DIDNT WANT TO SEE YOUR FEET

Felix

TOO BAD

Changbin

i like ur feet felix

Felix

omg thanks daddy