Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

that’s not how any of this works

Zhan Yao knows Bai Yutang… cares for him, if you wanted to put it like that, which he doesn’t, because even though he… cares back, possibly even more deeply than Yutang, he also knows they can only ever be just friends, and that’s got to be good enough, and it usually is, except for times like now, when he’s been lightly wounded in the field and no one’s here at the hospital for him except for of course Yutang, and Zhan Yao can only sit on a hospital bed and feel guilty for feeling so lonely.

He’s so engrossed in being stoic while wishing things were different that he doesn’t notice Yutang close the door behind the nurses and sit down on a stool beside him and watch him a little and then lean over and up to press a dry kiss to his lips, lingering there as though to make sure Zhan Yao knows he means it.

It’s not how this is supposed to work, but Zhan Yao presses both hands over Yutang’s anyway, pinning him in place, because he no longer gives a damn how things are supposed to work.

Chapter Text

cold and tired

It had seemed a shame to skip the symphony after closing the case, despite their being dead tired. So they’d come and sat in their good seats (courtesy of Bai Group) and settled in to try to listen and enjoy. Halfway through the first movement, Zhan Yao glanced over to see Bai Yutang with his eyes closed, hands up high on opposite arms against the frankly frigid air conditioning. Well, he’d been hot in his coat anyway, and he needed someplace to put it after taking it off—Yutang would have to live with being a coat rack.

Chapter Text

hello, welcome home

Zhan Yao had wanted to see a presentation by one of his colleagues at the conference—exciting new research in forensic psychology—only to be disappointed when the colleague had had to cancel for some reason or other, leaving him with an extra day in a foreign city. With the weather bad and no one interesting to network with and, if he was honest, missing his boyfriend, Zhan Yao had taken an earlier flight and a cab home, not bothering to tell Yutang, who looked up from a plate of dinner and a book when he opened door and asked, “Did I forget to pick you up at the airport?”

“It’s not a big deal,” Zhan Yao replied generously, wondering how long he could keep up the charade, and what he could get Yutang to cook him in the meantime.

Chapter Text

forbidden fruit

They’d been broken up a week when their new assignments came in, each heading up sections at the central HKPD station, same shift, two floors apart. Yutang had been going to make up with Zhan Yao, in the ‘get back into my bed please’ way, but when they heard the news they both understood it was best to keep things professional between them, so they agreed to just be friends and support each other on the job. This lasted until they realized it was easier to carpool if they both lived out of the same apartment.

Chapter Text

leaving

Zhan Yao had walked out of any number of arguments with Bai Yutang, even though it pissed him off and also was truly not a fair thing to do, not at all. Because Bai Yutang never walked away from him, no matter what he said or did, even when it might actually be better for them to be apart, because he’d grown up watching Zhan Yao’s mom and dad always leaving, coming back, leaving, models of inconstancy, and the only way to show he cared more than them was to act unlike them. They’d never spoken about it, but Zhan Yao understood what Yutang was doing, and he depended on it, but boy did it make him crazy.

Chapter Text

worst date imaginable

He’d had one hand on the ring in his pocket and the other reaching for Zhan Yao when he began to feel… woozy. Later, he woke up in the hospital and asked first thing where Zhan Yao was, and they tried to explain that the restaurant had had some kind of bad carbon monoxide leak from a neighboring dry cleaner, and he lost it and demanded to know what happened to Zhan Yao until they finally got it and checked and said he was okay, recovering in another room, we’ll call the doctor for you, just rest. After, he never found out what happened to the ring—it wasn’t in his pocket or with his things—but to be fair, it was quite a while before he thought to look for it.

After the carbon monoxide thing, the hospital sent him back with someone else’s ring in his little bag of belongings. It was a pretty gold thing, looked expensive, had… his and Yutang’s names engraved inside, holy shit. Zhan Yao decided he should try to sneak it into Yutang’s wallet or something and let him get another try at declaring his love, but what with how Yutang wasn’t really in a “give Zhan Yao any space” kind of mindset these days, he did the next best thing, which was to place it on his own finger and wait for Yutang to notice.

He slips it on while Yutang is making him tea for the third time today and when Yutang comes back to the couch makes sure to reach for his cup with that hand. Yutang kind of stares into the ether quietly for a couple minutes then gives a very loud, put-upon sigh and goes into the bedroom, comes back, sits down, fits a matching gold ring on his own finger, and leans over to peck Zhan Yao on the mouth. “Romance is dead,” he announces, and Zhan Yao can’t help but reply, “At least we’re not.”

Chapter Text

"whatever you’re going to ask, the answer is no"

“Now is not a good time,” Zhan Yao told Yutang through the bedroom door. He was trying to think, and he needed to be alone for that, which Yutang seemed to understand, based on his silence, followed by the open-and-shutting of the apartment door, which, wait, he hadn’t meant—Zhan Yao scrambled up and ran out after him, barefoot, and caught him by the arm to pull him back into the apartment, to which Yutang acquiesced with some mixture of annoyance and confusion. “I didn’t mean go,” he admonished, deciding that apparently being alone did nothing for helping him think.

Chapter Text

having a sixth sense

Zhan Yao had kind of a weird feeling he should be concerned for Yutang at this moment, and it was a bigger and more urgent feeling than he tended to have for him generally, knowing that Yutang had a flair for danger. So he went looking and found him a couple blocks from the crime scene, unconscious in an alley, not responding when Zhan Yao lifted his head to rest on his lap and called his name over and over. Much later, at the hospital, Zhan Yao had the same weird feeling waking up from his vigil at Yutang’s bedside, only this was a feeling like a cord about to be plugged into the wall, incipient connection, and a knowledge that he was being watched, all confirmed when he opened his eyes to find Yutang considering him, taking in his rumpledness, his suit dirty from the alley floor, hair disheveled, his outward appearance transparently mirroring how out of sorts he was over his friend—and Zhan Yao had a feeling he was about to hear the lamest of excuses, a prophecy quickly confirmed.

Chapter Text

what are you in the dark

Halfway through the film, Bai Yutang yawned loudly and leaned against Zhan Yao’s side, warm and heavy. When Zhan Yao resettled himself on the couch, Yutang full out reclined into his lap, perhaps actually asleep. Zhan Yao ran his fingers through his hair, considering the novel idea that he was someone who could be slept on, and that he liked being that person when it was Yutang sleeping on him.

Chapter Text

dancing with strangers and falling apart

The women he met all seemed inclined to meet his interest with interest of their own, so he dated quite a bit in the year after Zhan Yao went abroad to study. It made his mom happy, and he was gregarious in his own way, enjoyed getting to know new and interesting people, plus very curious about women as a species. Even the sex was pretty great, which was why Bai Yutang couldn’t understand why he was so weighed down with depression all the time.

Chapter Text

normal to want and possible to achieve

Bai Yutang decided to woo Zhan Yao just moments after kissing him in the foyer of the university’s psychology building. He had accomplished his aim of embarrassing the two stodgy professors who had insulted his friend, but was now left with a memory of soft, warm lips on his, and he’d made the mistake of giving Zhan Yao tongue, so he knew what that felt like too, and it was basically over for him—or rather, over for any chance of him ever wanting someone other than his best friend, which was a normal way to feel, right? Surely Zhan Yao would be on board.

Chapter Text

sweltering heat

Bai Yutang and Zhan Yao had stripped down to boxers soon after the dregs of the broken air conditioning had faded into the uncomfortable fullness of a humid summer heatwave, and now they sat on opposing furniture pretending not to be interested in all the skin they had exposed. Over the years, Bai Yutang had given more than just a thought to being with Zhan Yao, but he could never quite be sure enough Zhan Yao would go for it. He shouldn’t have worried; given the intensity of Zhan Yao’s glances at him now, the only thing in doubt was whether the furniture would survive.

Chapter Text

best part of waking up

Zhan Yao really did hate sharing a bed, but it was Yutang, who outweighed him in muscle and knew nothing about personal boundaries, so what was he to do but throw in the towel—or maybe the pillow—and “allow” Yutang to take up one side of the bed? They were just friends; surely Yutang wasn’t going to violate his actual personal space. But violate he did, gravitating in his sleep to Zhan Yao’s side, and from there taking him in his strong arms and holding him, Zhan Yao sleepily aware but too tired to do anything about it, only to wake up every morning comfortable and happy, skin against skin where their pajamas had ridden up, not sure at all anymore that he really did hate sharing a bed after all.

Chapter Text

I wish I could hate you

Their latest fight had something to do with pricey stolen seafood imports and a missing construction worker, and somehow it had gotten unreasonably personal. Times like this, it was hard to live together, but they did anyway, getting in each other’s way and sniping back and forth all evening, night and morning, then all day again at work until everyone else on the team was ready to commit a double-murder, and then it was back home again to make each other miserable in private. Qintang, having listened to Yutang bitch about it through most of lunch, had asked why he didn’t just escape back to his own apartment, but the question had only seemed to baffle him: “Why would I want to do that?”

Chapter Text

languages

Zhan Yao, who was a genius, spoke five languages fluently, and dabbled in a few others; Bai Yutang, who was also a genius, though he let people forget it easily enough, spoke three languages fluently and would sometimes dabble with Zhan Yao. “Come si dice?” he whispered breathlessly into Zhan Yao’s ear as he pushed forward with his hips, almost losing hold of him for the sweat on their skin. Zhan Yao groaned and gave up the translation: “Ti am—oh!”

Chapter Text

a meeting that should have been an email

“I thought you said we should take a break?” Zhan Yao said reasonably, eyes already drawn to Yutang’s broad shoulders and determined face. “What happened to just texting?”

“Can’t jump you in a text,” Yutang said, speaking facts, as he advanced and crowded himself into Zhan Yao’s personal space.

Chapter Text

sleepless nights

Zhan Yao peered at Bai Yutang’s eyes and tsked. “Are you coming down with something—you’ve got circles.”

Bai Yutang (who had blithely moved into Zhan Yao’s home and insisted on sleeping in his bed with him, not counting on the intensity of lying shoulder to shoulder beside him every night, just in reach of everything he wanted in the world but hadn’t yet figured out how to attain) said to himself the hell with it and leaned forward sleepily to kiss Zhan Yao for the first time.

Chapter Text

for some reason, I’m attracted to you

Bai Yutang, ostensibly catching up on sports scores while kicking back on the couch with Zhan Yao, was really just watching his friend fine-tune a sketch of a self-portrait he’d done earlier in the weekend. It looked lifelike and perfect, but Zhan Yao had erased and redrawn one section several times now and Bai Yutang had no idea why, since all the redrawing looked exactly the same to him. “I think it’s done,” he finally told him, and Zhan Yao paused, squinted at it, and went, “Oh.”

Chapter Text

slowly killing a houseplant

Yutang inhaled shakily but kept his arms above his head over the pillow as Zhan Yao had asked. Normally athletic in bed, he shook with the effort of staying still as Zhan Yao raised gooseflesh on his heated skin and lingered with his mouth on one sensitive area after the next, all the while neglecting the one most sensitive area that needed all that single-minded attention. “You’re killing me,” Yutang gasped, as turned on as he had ever been in his life.

Chapter Text

meet cute

“I can’t believe we both gave birth last night,” Wang Meili said, sharing her thermos of tea with her childhood friend, Xu Yanmin, who had come down the hall to visit and compare notes and children. They took a few minutes to space out as they held their respective boys, who were sleeping sweet and wrinkly in their arms. “They’re so cute!” Xu Yanmin finally said, and the two friends beamed at each other happily.

Chapter Text

a bloody mouth

Yutang is a known quantity at their high school, where he’s active in student government, captain of several sports teams, the life of any party worth going to, known to be straight-laced but fun, someone you could confide in without all your business getting spread around, and above all, Zhan Yao’s closest friend. Their peers at the high school across town don’t know anything about Bai Yutang, which is why a group of footballers hassles him after a lost game, and they have no idea why things go so downhill when their shoving takes down the tall, quiet kid at his side. A minute later, Zhan Yao accepts Yutang’s hand up, staring in concern at the bright red blood leaking from his split lip and staining his teeth, though he has to step over a couple of groaning footballers before he can get close enough to apply pressure.

Chapter Text

didn’t realize they were injured 1

The hard run followed by a challenging hand-to-hand match that had made Bai Yutang respect his opponent enough to be sorry for having to arrest him, and which had made Zhan Yao eye the guy coolly as he was booked and very annoyed at Yutang himself for the drama of it all, had come with such an adrenaline burst that Bai Yutang only became aware of the strained muscle in his back when it suddenly came alive and screamed at him as they were driving home. “What the fuck!” Zhan Yao cried as Bai Yutang shrieked in the middle of waiting on a stop light. Later, he was more understanding, going so far as to massage a fragrant balm into his back and read him snippets from his manuscript-in-process as Bai Yutang lay unable to move.

Chapter Text

didn't realize they were injured 2

All they were doing was interviewing a witness, but the guy didn’t get the memo, assumed he was a suspect, and lunged at Yutang with a scarily large knife. Zhan Yao didn’t remember crossing between them to shield his partner, but Yutang was equally quick and took care of subduing the guy within thirty seconds, calling over his shoulder from where he had the guy cuffed on his stomach on the ground, “Next time stay out of the way,” since he’d had to get around Zhan Yao in the subduing process. He regretted those words for the rest of his life, even though Zhan Yao got better and forgave him, saying it wasn’t necessary, he just hadn’t looked yet, he didn’t know.

Chapter Text

the things we do for love 1

Zhan Yao yawned and squeezed out a sponge over a soapy bucket. It was three in the morning and Yutang had been over the kitchen several times already without showing any interest in stopping. Because he was a psychiatric doctor, Zhan Yao knew it wasn’t just about the literal cleanness of the kitchen; because he felt the way he did, he might as well stay up and keep Yutang company.

Chapter Text

the things we do for love 2

Bai Yutang absolutely loved S.C.I. and had in fact made it to exactly where he wanted to be in his career at this stage of his life, leading a talented team, helping people, and eventually on his way to make even more of an impact. So when they fired Zhan Yao for digging too deep into the mysteries surrounding Zhou Jue, beneath his outrage Bai Yutang felt deep sadness. They turned in their badges together.

Chapter Text

handcuffed together

We handcuff them together between the bars of the cells, then call in the guy we keep around for this kind of business. Turns out the guy in white will go absolutely berserk when his partner is hurt—no chill at all, this cop—so our guy focuses in on the partner—but it gets way too noisy for intel gathering, too much yelling from the cop in white, even though he’s not even being touched, and his friend just completely silent. Later, we come back to try again, the guard is staring off into space and the handcuffs are all that’s left in the cell, hung on one of the bars, with actual words written in blood on the wall: we’ll be back—and I really wasn’t smart enough to hightail it at that point, which is why I’m here testifying.

Chapter Text

in the mood for love

Sometimes Bai Yutang gets romantic—he turns on soft music, cooks one of his specialties, takes out the wine, even goes so far as to light tall candles between them on the table. Zhan Yao used to think he was making some kind of joke, but no, Yutang just went in for that kind of thing, and it became endearing and fun instead of suspicious. Zhan Yao, on the other hand, could never quite gather himself for romantic gestures—knowing he would only be awkward. Instead, he pushed, pulled, beckoned or tackled Yutang into bed and the mood kind of set itself.