Chapter Text
FADE IN:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Penny is curled over in a hospital bed, red in the face. Leonard sits in a chair next to her, fidgeting and seeming uncomfortable.
LEONARD
Do...do you think he will like comic books? Or maybe Dungeons and Dragons? Or science? Boy, I hope he likes science!
PENNY
That’s what you are thinking about right now?!
LEONARD
Sorry. Sorry. I’m just nervous.
PENNY
(grimacing through the pain)
Well, I hope he likes sports.
LEONARD
(chuckling nervously)
Oh uh...really? Sports?
PENNY
(smiling)
Yeah, it would be so cute watching you two having a catch in the backyard. I can just picture him laughing as he gives you a bloody nose for the fourth time.
LEONARD
(smiling)
Yeah, that sounds about right.
Penny keels over in bed, obviously in pain.
PENNY
I think it’s happening. Oh god, are we ready?
Leonard runs over to the hospital room door and peaks his head out.
LEONARD
Nurse! Can we get some help in here?
Sheldon, Amy, Howard, Bernadette, and Rajesh bust past Leonard into the room.
PENNY
What the hell?
SHELDON
(covering his mouth and nose with his sleeve)
What, you think I want to be here?
(looks around the room)
At least everything looks sterile.
Leonard walks over to the hospital bed and faces his friends, clearly confused.
LEONARD
What are you guys doing here? Why aren’t you in the waiting room...like normal people?
Sheldon, Amy, Howard, and Bernadette turn to look at Rajesh expectingly.
RAJESH
Ugh, fine. I told everyone to come in with me. Howard and Bernadette didn’t let me in the room when they had their babies. I felt like this was my last chance at seeing the beautiful gift of life in action.
Amy smacks Rajesh in the shoulder.
AMY
Excuse me?
Amy looks at Sheldon for support.
SHELDON
(whispers to Amy)
What?
AMY
(whispers back to Sheldon)
We are going to have kids someday too...
SHELDON
(to Rajesh)
Yeah...hey! What about us?
RAJESH
(sarcastically)
Yeah sure okay.
Amy rolls her eyes as Sheldon nods triumphantly, not understanding the sarcasm.
PENNY
Enough about you guys! Leonard, get them out. And then get the nurse. Oh and then get me some food. And maybe a drink. Oh my god I can finally drink. Can you drink in hospitals?
INT. LEONARD AND PENNY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Leonard and Penny sit on the couch. Penny is rocking an unseen baby in a baby carrier at her feet.
LEONARD
I can’t believe we are parents.
PENNY
Once Howard became a father, I’ve learned to believe anything.
Knocking is heard at the door:
SHELDON (O.S.)
(three knocks)
Leonard, Penny, baby.
(three knocks)
Leonard, Penny, baby.
(three knocks)
Leonard, Penny, baby.
PENNY
Come in, Sheldon.
Sheldon opens the door and enters the living room.
SHELDON
Amy has baby fever and won’t leave me alone.
LEONARD
Well, we have a baby, and you won’t leave us alone.
SHELDON
Well, actually, I was thinking that if I brought your baby over to her, her maternal instincts would be put to use, and she may leave me alone for a while. I have a lot of research to do for work and I can’t have her pulling my pants down every two seconds.
LEONARD
You can’t just take our baby, Sheldon.
SHELDON
Just for a few minutes?
PENNY
How about I bring the baby over to Amy and hang out with her for a while? You can stay and do your boring work over here with Leonard. I’m sure he could use a break from the baby anyways.
LEONARD
Are you sure?
PENNY
Yeah, I’ve been pretty stir-crazy in the apartment. It’ll be nice to walk around for a while.
LEONARD
You know they live like twenty steps away right...
PENNY
Good enough for me.
(looks down at the unseen baby)
Let’s go see Aunt Amy.
Penny picks up the baby carrier and walks out of the room, shutting the door behind her.
SHELDON
Leonard, I’m sure people at CalTech are going to ask me about you and your baby while you’re gone. Should I tell them that you have realized stay-at-home fatherhood is a better path for you? Everyone will understand. We all know your career was basically at a dead end anyway.
LEONARD
Really, Sheldon?
SHELDON
What? It’s a compliment. I think you are going to be a great father!
Leonard rolls his eyes.
SHELDON
Speaking of the baby, are you going to tell us his name yet? I only ask because I don’t want to feel like a fool if someone asks about my Godson’s name and I don’t know what to respond.
LEONARD
Wait, wait...hold on. Godson? Who said anything about you being his Godfather? You don’t even believe in God.
SHELDON
Well, I am your best friend. And social convention says that I would be your son’s Godfather. If Penny ever kills you both with her horrific driving, I would be willing to pay for a full-time nanny to watch your baby under my custody.
LEONARD
(rolls his eyes and mutters to himself)
Choose your battles, Leonard...
(to Sheldon)
We wanted to wait to share the baby’s name until the whole group was together. Stuart and Denise are at a comic collectables conference.
SHELDON
You’re waiting for Stuart? Man, fatherhood has made you wonky already.
LEONARD
We are just being nice. But if you really want me to, I can give you a hint about the name.
SHELDON
(with a goofy smile)
Oooh, a puzzle! I love puzzles.
LEONARD
Ok, let’s see.
(pause)
His name is based on two of my favorite scientists...
SHELDON
Sheldon Hawking? It’s Sheldon Hawking isn’t it! Named after me and the late Stephen Hawking! I have to go tell Amy! This is the best day of my life!
Before Leonard can say anything, Sheldon runs out of the room.
LEONARD
(to himself)
Okay, I guess I walked into that one.
INT. SHELDON AND AMY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Amy and Penny are sitting on the couch, looking down and making funny faces at the unseen baby in the baby carrier.
Suddenly, Sheldon bursts into the room.
SHELDON
Amy, guess what?!
AMY
What? Is everything alright? Did you come to your senses?
(to Penny)
Penny, leave!
(to Sheldon)
Meet me in the bedroom, I’m ready!
SHELDON
Oh no, no, no. Not that. Calm down woman.
AMY
(disappointed)
Oh, then what’s so important?
SHELDON
Leonard and Penny named their baby after me and Stephen Hawking!
Penny coughs trying to get her words out fast enough.
PENNY
Um...excuse me...what? No we didn’t.
SHELDON
Oh Penny, you don’t have to keep it a surprise any longer. Leonard told me!
PENNY
What exactly did he say to you?
SHELDON
He told me you named him after two of his favorite scientists. Meaning myself, and Stephen Hawking! His name is Sheldon Hawking! Isn’t that just the best!
Penny stands up and goes to walk out of the room in a rush.
She turns back to Amy.
PENNY
Amy, watch...ah what the heck...little Sheldon Hawking.
SHELDON
Oh I told you!
Penny rolls her eyes and finally walks out of the room.
Camera follows her through the hall.
She enters her and Leonard’s apartment. Leonard is sitting at his desk typing on his computer.
PENNY
Really?! Shel-
LEONARD
(cuts her off)
Hawking. Yeah I know. I couldn’t stop him.
PENNY
Let’s just invite everyone over for dinner tonight and tell them.
LEONARD
What about Stuart and Denise?
PENNY
What about them?
LEONARD
(pauses and shrugs)
Yeah, you’re right. I’ll call Howard.
Leonard dials a number into his cellphone and puts it up to his ear.
INT. LEONARD AND PENNY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Leonard, Penny, Amy, Sheldon, Bernadette, Howard, and Rajesh are sitting in the living room, eating takeout.
LEONARD
(whispering to Penny)
Should we tell them now?
Penny nods.
LEONARD
(clears his voice)
So guys...we have some exciting news to share.
HOWARD
You finally got over your mommy problems?
RAJESH
You’re deciding to switch to contacts? About time, I’ve always hated your glasses.
LEONARD
(self-consciously adjusts glasses)
Very funny guys. No but really, we invited you all over here tonight to finally share with you the name of our baby boy.
SHELDON
(giggles)
It’s the second best name I’ve ever heard. No, third. Maybe fourth. It’s definitely in my top ten.
Penny rolls her eyes and clearly ignores Sheldon.
PENNY
We’ve decided to name our boy...
LEONARD
Max!
Amy and Bernadette squeal with delight. Howard and Rajesh nod and smile. Sheldon looks horrified.
SHELDON
Max? What kind of name is that? I’m not so sure I want to be Godfather to a kid named Max.
RAJESH
You asked Sheldon to be his Godfather? No fair. I know so much about babies!
LEONARD
No one is the Godfather. I don’t want to talk about this again, Sheldon.
(pause)
Anyways...his name is Max. He’s named after two of my favorite physicists, Max Born and Max Planck.
BERNADETTE
(to Penny)
You were okay with that name?
PENNY
Yeah, I think it’s cute. I’m not really sure who either of them are but I’m sure they’re pretty smart or something! I made a deal with Leonard that if we named him Max we could sign him up for sports when he’s older. I also got to pick the middle name.
AMY
Oh, what’s his middle name?
SHELDON
Oh it’s Lee isn’t it? After his Godfather?
Amy leans over and whispers something inaudible to Sheldon.
SHELDON
Amy tells me that if I stop talking we can go to the train store tomorrow. I no longer care about being...Max’s...Godfather. Good luck finding someone for him to play trains with.
Amy leans over and whispers to Sheldon again.
SHELDON
I’ve been informed that I am being rude. I apologize.
(to Amy)
Better?
Amy rolls her eyes and turns away.
LEONARD
Thank you, Sheldon. Anyways, his middle name is Wyatt, after Penny’s father. Max Wyatt Hofstadter.
BERNADETTE
I think that’s beautiful. Max is going to be the perfect little playmate for Michael and Halley.
FADE OUT.