Chapter Text
"I don't negotiate with terrorists." you grimaced at the thought, slamming your hands on the table in opposition.
This didn't deter your owner, your keeper, the "man" who held your soul on a chain, Alastor. With nothing but a wide, knowing grin, he stared you down, right back down into your seat where you slumped in defeat. Husk looked over at you sympathetically, he knew what it was like to be bossed around and intimidated by the radio demon, but there was little he could do besides his sympathetic glances and the gentle touch of your knee he extended under the table. A familiar gesture, one shared between you when Alastor was being unrelentingly and sparklingly demanding.
"Now now, Y/n, he's not a terrorist to anything other than the sacred art of entertainment." Alastor peered down, literally sticking his nose up at you. He never sat when telling you what to do, he never blinked, either. Not when he was serious like this. "Vox has made it his prerogative to raise hell upon this hotel-- my hotel-- as far as he's concerned, and that just won't do" he shook his head for effect, a candid jollity about the situation that didn't fool you in the slightest.
You folded your arms, not daring to move out of your seat again "Then why not just kill him? It isn't like you couldn't, you whooped his ass before-- why not now?" there wasn't any room for discussion, however, and you were careful not to question Alastor too harshly, lest you inspire a new broadcast.
Alastor tsk-ed and shook his head to the floor "Come now, surely you know I don't have to explain myself to you." he leaned forward onto his microphone, he was always posing, always stage-ready. It was unnerving. "All I need from you--" he leaned across the table and booped you with the microphone "--is to strike a deal with Vox that ensures whatever issue he has with me stays far away from the hotel."
He said it like it was so simple. Like getting the fucking TV OVERLORD-- who ran like a million business under the parent company VoxTek-- would agree to jack shit from a leashed dog like you. "Do I get any chips? Any collateral? Alastor- what am I supposed to give him in return??" you folded your arms on the table, staring up at the demon with a glaring inquisition.
"That's your business, my good man. Whatever you have to offer." Alastor shrugged, spinning his cane and landing both hands on top. He looked to Husk and jerked his head, motioning for him to go. Husk patted your shoulder as he left the room, shutting the door behind him with a grumble. Alastor would deal with Husk's grumbling later, but for now, he had you to deal with.
He continued with a keen smile "You have nothing to offer on my behalf except the promise that I won't tear him wire from blasphemous wire." the demon nudged you off the table with his cane, leading you to the door of the hotel "You know the address, I expect good news by supper!" He gave a wide smile, if it had been from anyone but Alastor it might have even seemed encouraged. The door shut, leaving you out on the front steps of the hotel with nothing but the clothes on your back and your phone.
"GPS.... VoxTek....."
You pulled your hand to your temple "No, sir, please-- I'm not here to murder anybody, and no I'm not here for the male model position and--" I swatted away the assistant hand "--I am NOT here to--" you moved your hands into air quotes " 'Join Val's harem' okay? I'm here to speak with Vox and I don't care WHAT you have to say or do to make that happen." you put you hands up defensively and let out a low, guttural sigh. You didn't want to resort to this. "I'm Alastors... representative. Tell him I'm here for-" A certain demon's voice cut you off over the answering machine.
"YOU'RE ALASATORS WHAT?!" Vox's voice screeched, glitched to all hell, and barely intelligible. A nearby surveillance camera sparked with blue electricity, and Vox stood before you, breathing so hard you thought he might explode. The demon was practically shaking, with fear or rage you weren't sure. Call it a mix of both. You shrunk into yourself slightly, looking up at the tall tv-head. He composed himself to the best of his abilities, gritting out "Why are you here?" through the glitching on his screen.
You held out a hand, straightening your back and-- per your boss's continuous instruction-- armed yourself with a candid smile "My name is y/n, and I'm here to talk..." I spoke slowly and steadily, as if trying not to scare off a feral animal "More accurately, my boss sent me here to make you a deal." You had to steel your nerves to uphold the imposing smile, and you briefly wondered if Alastor's cheeks hurt from doing this all the time.
Vox wasn't mollified but took your hand anyway. He straightened his back as well and put his free arm behind his back. Upon your introduction, the nerve-wracking effect of your employer wore off, and he was able to (mostly) switch gears back into his regular persona. He maneuvered the handshake to kiss the back of your hand, releasing it and moving his other arm being his back. "I see... Well, it's a pleasure to meet you! Let's get up to a meeting room, shall we?" He turned sharply to the assistant "Felix, be a doll and send up some refreshments" he turned his attention back to you, scanning you up and down dramatically "You strike me as a sweets kind of guy-- some Baked Alaska, maybe? That was my favorite when I was alive." without any warning, the tv demon but a hand on your upper back and led you to the nearby elevator. He shot a knowing look at the assistant-- Felix-- and pushed the bottom-most button.
As the elevator doors closed the situation dawned on you. Alastor had left you in an elevator, going to a creepy basement, with one of the most powerful sinners in hell, alone.
There was a good chance you died today. Again. AGAIN? Fu-hu-uccckkkk
The elevator door opened and you were led through a weird tv-filled Batcave into a glass-walled meeting room surrounded by water. You observed the robotic sharks just a few feet away nervously, nobody told you to be worried about sharks. Nobody ever warned you about sharks. Vox removed his hand, finding his way to the head seat. "Go ahead, sit, make yourself comfortable" He motioned across the table with an inviting devil-may-care attitude.
You sat across the table, not wanting to give him any power in the seating chart as the "head of the table." Right to business, no mind games. You folded your hands on the table
"Alastor would like me to arrange it so you will leave the Hazbin Hotel and its residents alone-- barring Alastor, who you may pursue outside of the Hotel's grounds." the tone was formal and cold, but not hostile. Perfect.
Vox was unimpressed, raising an eyebrow at you "What do I get in return? Not targeting Alastor on his home base... that's a pretty big loss, why would I do that?" his smile widened as the screen tilted, imploring you to answer.
It was a tricky territory, and you knew it. Coming off too strong and going for intimidating might threaten him, and you had no power of your own, it would be child's play to call your bluff. You gathered what little composure you had and gave it your best sell "The Radio Demon, in exchange for your neutrality regarding the Hazbin Hotel and its residents, will refrain from attacking you..." there was a small pause, you thought carefully "Uhhh... unless provoked." You nodded regally, as if ending your turn in a game of chess. The demon's smile faltered, only slightly, before returning bigger than ever.
"Well, that's a... tempting offer, but I don't think it's enough. I mean w-who says I can't beat the radio demon?" he laughed out, a facade of arrogance consuming him. He dropped his smile "No, no. That's not enough. I want something that'll really piss him off." It was unclear if he was talking to you or to himself at this point, as he stood up and began to pace back and forth. He tapped his sharp claws on the glass of his face. He stopped mid-pace and observed you out of the corner of his eye, turning slowly to face you.
Checkmate.
"You'll work for me. As....." he had an incoming call from Velvette. Vox's shoulders stiffened as the ringing continued "Ah--! One second." he turned away from you, answering the call and projecting it onto the glass.
The social media overlord popped onto the glass, a frustrated look spread across her face "Vox, my best and ONLY male model- Just- Fucking- Quit." her voice was full of frustration, borderline brimming with venom "Apparently that horny moth-bag has been harassing him and he's staying in CARMILLA'S corner of town now."
Her arm shifted, the camera moving her out of frame. You could hear her throwing what sounded like a coat hanger, resulting in the pitiful cry of an unknown girl. Velvette returned to the screen, pissed "MELISSA-- PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!!" She roared, directing her attention back to Vox "So I don't care what you do, who you need to threaten, or who you need to pay, but I need a male model for my upcoming collection and I need one nowww." the demon hissed, hanging up before Vox could get a word in.
Vox turned back to you, his moment of bravado soured by the interruption. He cleared his throat and straightened his bow tie. "So, I'll agree to let this Haz-bin Ho-tel alone if the old windbag plays nice and..." he scanned you, raising an eyebrow skeptically "and if you'll model for Velvette until I can find someone more professional. Let's say... oh I don't know... six months?"
The whole ordeal had shaken up your idea of the overlord, seeing him be yelled at worse than Vaggie yelled at you struck a chord in you. Something almost sympathetic. But not sympathetic enough. "I'll do this.... modeling thing, but only for two weeks." You stood up. Seeing the TV demon be talked down to-- and furthermore seeing his complete docility in response-- gave you the gall you needed to appropriately negotiate.
The demon in question was having none of it. He stepped around the table and closer to you. He towered over you, in a familiar attempt at intimidation. They really were hilariously similar sometimes, no wonder they bickered so. Regardless, Vox's intimidating stature led to a counteroffer "Five months."
"Three weeks."
"Three months..." He paused for emphasis "-and you have to let Velvette manage your social media and attend business parties on our behalf."
"Two months, and I let Velvette make me a NEW penstagram that she can manage to her heart's content."
"One month, Velvette manages new social media, and you attend the parties."
"..." You smiled affably and stuck out a hand "I'd say we have a deal."
He took your hand and shook it roughly, clearly fed up with the whole ordeal.
"I look forward to working with you." he led you back to the elevator, pushing the button for you as you stood alone. "We'll be in touch."
"I'm gonna kill myself I swear to gooooodddddddddd" you groaned, throwing yourself onto the couch at the Hotel. You crashed right into Angel Dust's lap, earning a flirty wink from him and a tired eye-roll from you as you sat up.
"Went that bad, did it?" Husk inquired, bringing you a drink from the bar.
You pounded it back like it was nothing and slammed it onto the coffee table. You looked over at Angel, who hadn't been filled in on your daily activities "Alastor sent me to fucking VoxTek to... get this... NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS!!" you threw a hand in the air "Keep em coming, Husk!"
Angel's face contorted into a grimace. He put a hand on your shoulder, gesturing with the other three "Well you made it back in one piece, so it musta went well, yeah?" his tone was hesitant but optimistic, and you appreciated the gesture.
Husk handed you another drink which you took a sip of-- Whoo-- it was strong. "Actually, yeah, for you guys." you sighed, taking another sip of the strong beverage. The hell did Husk put in this? "I got him to agree to leave the Hotel alone, no more spies, none of that shit. And he's not gonna kidnap and ransom any of us to get to Al, either."
You took a finishing sip, waving the glass in the air for Husk, who grumbled and refilled it. "Thank you, precious. But-- as I was saying!" you threw your arms up in frustration "I gotta do this modeling thing for like-- a month! For Velvette. It's this whole fucking thing, social media, partie-" you were cut off by Angel's horrified gasp
"You're getting roped into the parties? Aw shit.... that sucks..." he trailed off, grabbing your drink and taking a swig of it. You glared at him but encouraged him to explain his reaction. "I dunno, they're these creepy sleazy events. Val always makes me go to em and look all pretty and shit. It's a real depressing shit show if you ain't one of the people to impress." he leaned lazily into the back of the couch "I dunno, y/n, they're just not something I'd be jazzed to go to."
"I'm not jazzed about any of this..." You leaned into the couch as well, holding a throw pillow between your arms "But I did my job and now I can sleep easy. At least we can go to the parties together, yeah?" you shot an affectionate, questioning glance at Angel, who nodded in the affirmative.
Husk leaned between you two from behind the couch "And I'll be here so you can bitch about it afterward." he was insulting you both, but the quick kiss pressed to Angel's head, and his small, tired smile was telling. "Now get up, Alastor made dinner"
You and Angel looked at Husk from on the couch "Hold up, Alastor made dinner?" you twisted around, standing up and walking over to Husk "It's not raw deer, is it? Vaggie told me she's seen him eat that shit and it smells horrendous."
The bartender shrugged "I dunno but it smells pretty good" he held out a hand, which was quickly taken by the white spider demon. Husk left the room with Angel on his arm, the two of them heading to the dining room.
You were about to join them when you got an alert on your phone. Weird, could've sworn your ringer was off...
'Tomorrow. 9 am. Tell Felix you're here for the modeling position and meet Velvette in the foyer. See you soon. -- Vox'
...ahhhh shit. You tucked the phone back into your pocket, that would be a problem you dealt with after dinner.
For now, the smell of gumbo was hitting you strong and something told you it would be a good dinner. After all, you had good news.