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It starts slowly. Yugo is trapped within his memories for the first days after the portal. He doesn't like anyone near him. He especially doesn't like Adamai or Amalia near him. Adamai tried many times, he would shift closer to Yugo when they stood as a group and Yugo would stumble away from him. Or flinch. He thought both were equally as bad.
Yugo curled into himself again.
It was probably dumb. stupid. He should forgive Adamai-should forgive everyone, he knows they were all manipulated. Manipulated by that-, well, no. In truth, Yugo knows that at the end of the day, Oropo is-was still him. But Yugo would never dream of doing any of the things that Oropo did, right? He wasn't like him...but wasn't he? If Oropo was him then technically shouldn't he and Yugo be the same? He tightened his nails around his arms...Qilby what had happened to him then? The void sat outside of the natural laws. Had he survived? would he come back? Yugo shook his head again digging his nails in further.
Adamai used to know what to do when he got like this. But Adamai wasn't his brother. He wasn't Adamai anymore. Was that fair to him? He had gotten manipulated yes but what about everything else he did? Willingly, no? No that wasn't fair. Blood began to start pinpricks in his arms. Scatches run up and down in forearms. Raw, red, and angry. He dug his nails in deeper.
He's a fraud. Does he even deserve to be called a king? Thee king of the eliatropes? He digs his nails in deeper again. And again. He rakes his nails down his arms. One for everyone he's let down- or disappointed. The only thing he can think about is Oropo- the people who died because of him, who is well, Yugo.
Not Yugo? He can't tell anymore. The thousands of lives he will live. Forever faced with the betrayal of his brother. What will he do? How can he even go on?
Again his nails slide down his arms. Blood starts to coat underneath his nails. He thinks of his father. His poor, poor father. Ruel made up for it in the best ways that he could try but in the end, it was never the same. He rakes his arms down again. His brother- who no matter what he will never hold at true fault. Oropo will never be Adamai's fault. The blame lies with Yugo and Yugo alone. Another scrape down his arms.
A scrape down his arms for Amalia. Who he will never love in the way she wants him to. He will never understand her-certainly not in any way that makes sense to him. He doesn't understand the want for romance. He also certainly doesn't understand the want for sex of all things
Even though Amalia never has asked he knew from seeing how she was with Oropo it was clearly something she wanted. Yugo didn't feel that way- he never has. Even if he's 22 his body looks that of a fourteen year old. She knew that herself. Or should have.
A scrape down his arms for Dally and his dear friend Eva, who he let down by failing to protect them when it matted most, to protect their family as he had promised the day their children were born. As soon as he had seen the blond hair, and the twin with red he had sworn to both Dally and Eva that he would do everything to protect the both of them. Their family. Not only had he broken that promise, he'd let them down. Let them down when he failed to save and protect them before Adamai got to them-
That day...where Adamai had shown him what he had done to them. The violence. The pain. The power. All of it.
A scrape down his arms for Dally's and Eva's children.
A scrape down his arm for Echo.
Echo, who he hadn't known for long, Echo he remembers. There was a moment. He was with her, attempting to stop Oropo. A moment of silence. They talked for a little while. Not for long. But a scrape for her regardless of being unable to save her. Save her from Oropo. Save her from her fate.
So many people he's hurt, so many people he needs to make up for. A scrape for everyone. Down and up. Down and up. Down and up. Again and again. His arms are angry and red. They are bleeding everywhere, upset by his never-ending scraping.
A scrape for the death.
A scrape for the life he still lives.
a scrape for his immortality.
A scrape for his differences.
A scrape for his existence.
Again and again. Maybe he really is on his last whim of sanity, maybe in truth, this is his end.
Why did people truly depend on him? He was weak, he was nothing. He was truly nothing. Then why on earth did they trust him? Why on earth did they place their trust-their survival, onto him? Another scrape for his failure. Another scrape for the times he should have died yet didn't. A scrape for the hopelessness. For the anger. For everything.
Then again, and again. One more time. Up and down over and over.
He should have heard him. He should have heard the footsteps. His brother's clunky walking pattern had changed from what he was used to before. Well. Just before everything. Before Adamai had chosen to grow. His steps were thicker and more uneven. Now they were lean and quick. There were no breaks in his steps, instead, they were deliberate they had meaning within them. His body could actually hold his own weight now. It made him hard to hear. Hard to notice. He could fade away when he wanted to. Yugo found it terrifying nowadays. He thinks that before he would have actually found it cool.
"Yugo?!"
A hand grips his own. Tearing his nails away from his flesh. His hands tug and pull against his brother's hold.
"Yugo what are you doing!"
Yugo doesn't answer. Doesnt know how.
"Yugo will you at least look at me?"
Adamais's voice is soft. As soft as he could make it. His claws dig slightly into Yugo's arms. He doesn't mean to but it happens anyway. What was this? Why was he-
"Ad I don't know what's wrong with me"
Yugo's voice comes out shakily.
"What do you mean? Yugo- there isn't anything wrong with you?"
Adamais's voice was confused, one of the first times that Yugo willingly talked to him and he was bloodied and sobbing. Yugo looked so small. Like a child. Logically Adamai knew that he was mentally much older than that- he was twenty two for goodness sake. But in this moment he looked so utterly broken. Destroyed. Adamai brought Yugo closer. He tries to ignore the way that he flinches. Adamai picks up Yugo. He minds Yugo's arms, careful not to irritate the wounds at all. Dragging Yugo closer he places a hand on Yugo's hat. He drags it down off of his head. Yugo sniffles and wants to cry again, his wings fold on his head. Covering his face. Adamai tuts at him slightly and carefully scratches at his wings. Unfurling them Yugo finally looks at Adamai.
Adamai's heart breaks a little more.
He takes Yugo to a basin of water, it's part of the technology they've set up so far. They did make some sinks and some buildings. But they were rather far away at this point, and Adamai knew that the others were likely all in that little community building they made. It took them a while to actually build everything, several rooms and floors all of which took so much work. But Adamai knew the others well enough to know that they would likely all be there.
They had also made a few other smaller buildings. A resemblance to privacy and space, inside those buildings, lay a small bed, and a small kitchen. Then a small bathroom. A sink and a few medical supplies are generally spread all around the areas that they now call home. Even with the majority of threats gone that doesn't mean there aren't moments of injury. Yugos wings curl in again and Adamai lowly growls not to threaten- just to warn. A folding of wings was a sign of closing off, a symbol of sadness, pain, or embarrassment. All of which were emotions that didn't fit Yugo. Didn't fit the bubbly child that he was often made out to be, but then again Adamai should know better than anyone that in truth Yugo felt much deeper than that. It wasn't as simple as Yugo being sad. Yugo was well, Yugo. When he got sad he hid. Yugo would much rather run away before truly telling anyone what he felt.
Yugo's wings unfurled again, flapping slightly. Adamai almost laughs at the domesticity of it all. It felt like them again. But he knew it would never be that simple. Adamai didn't really know how to feel after Oropo. After all, he had looked up to the man. Despite everything he had really honestly thought that Oropo had meant good. Of course, as Yugo always did, or had, he found the evil in people. Yet also the good. He honestly doubted that Yugo hated Oropo. In truth as soon as he had seen the way that Oropo had treated Yugo, his own head snapped into place. Yet still, his own heart and brain were still upset. Upset at the way that Yugo hadn't listened to him. Adamai was right and still Yugo wouldn't listen.
Adamai places Yugo on top of the sink counter. Carefully he grabs a cloth, warms the water first, and then carefully dabs the cloth in the water. Slowly he takes Yugo's arm in his hands. Yugo flinches. Adamai still doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know how to break that ice. That tension. How can they just move on if they don't ever talk about anything? But every time that Adamai tries Yugo walks away. Adamai knows he deserves it but still, it hurts. Adamai knows what he's done. Yugo has to know what he's done himself! Can they not simply make amends as they used to? Agree that it was a mistake and move on? Adamai scolds himself in his own mind. No. Hurting his friends wasn't a simple mistake. He can't expect Yugo or anyone else to forgive him. He's shocked that anyone is currently talking to him. Eva however was adamant about telling Adanai that he was forgiven in her eyes. Soon enough everyone would feel the same. That is what she says at least.
Adamai however was unsure.
He drags the cloth down Yugo's arms. Peeling away the blood that was drying on his skin and revealing the raw scratches that littered his arms. Adamai reaches under the counter and grabs a few bandages that he knows are there. He unfurls it slowly he's careful not to rip any parts of it with his claws. He thinks about shaving down his claws but throws away that thought. That would be dumb. As he peels away the first layer of the roll Yugo looks up at him.
"Ad...why are you helping?"
"What do you mean?"
Adamai tilted his head, pausing his movements. If only to make his confusion known. Yugo looked down again.
"I mean why are you helping me"
Yugo said this much quieter, shame etching itself onto Yugo's face. His wings curl, flap slightly, and then relax once more. Or at least once Adamai starts scratching behind his wings. Adamai realizes how much his being allowed to touch Yugo's wings at all means, a sign of trust. An Eliatrop's weakest point and he's trusting Adamai with that privilege? Adamai doesn't know what to think. His stomach curls in discontentment and relief. Discontentment at the idea of Yugo forgiving him so easily. Even if he wants it so badly he knows that he doesn't deserve Yugo's forgiveness.
"you're my brother Yugo"
Adamai says it as if it's a conviction.
"Am I?"
Adamai doesn't know what to say to that. He's halfway down Yugo's first arm, he pauses his movements and looks at Yugo. When he makes eye contact Yugo's eyes dart down. Adamai lets out another growl.
"Will you look at me Yugo?"
He resumes bandaging Yugo's arm but doesn't take his eyes off Yugo's face. Yugo carefully brings his eyes up to Adamais. Yugo's eyes are filled with tears, red and glazed over. By the time this happens, Adamai has finished band-aiding Yugo's first arm. He places the roll of bandages down on the counter for a moment. Looking back up and Yugo. Yugo shakes a little, his knuckles are white and they grip the counter like a lifeline.
"At the end of the day Yugo you will always be my brother." he starts "I...I know what I've done. I can never apologize enough, for the pain I've caused. But one thing that will never change, is that you will be my brother. Through however many lifetimes we live. I will protect you with my life. I'm sorry I lost sight of that for a moment."
Yugo flinched. Adamai moved onto his other arm. Slowly rolling the bandages out again he begins on the other arm. Some blood has begun flowing again. Adamai carefully grabs the cloth again, warming it once more and cleans it again. Yugo doesn't flinch this time.
Yugo rests his head onto Adamai, tears begin filling his eyes once more.
"I do forgive you Ad"
"Really now?" Adamai huffs out a little bit of a bitter laugh, he ties off the last of the bandage and finishes Yugo's other arm. He picks up Yugo once more. Not trusting his brother to really walk on his own. This time however he walks to the community house. He knows that Yugo will be more comfortable there anyway.
"of course I do," Yugo says, puffing out his cheeks a little like he used to do when he was younger. Frowning like a child. As if that would make Adamai believe him any more than he does.
Yugo hums in acknowledgment and shakes his head slightly.
"I'm holding you accountable. I forgive you Ad. But I won't let you forget about- well about everything. Our friends- I don't even care about what you did to me Ad. I care about what you did to Eva and Dally and-" Yugo cuts himself off when Adamai growls once more.
"You don't care about what I did to you?" He glowers where he walks. The spikes on his back grow slightly, his distaste clear.
"You don't care about what I did to you?" Adamai repeats once more.
Yugo doesn't relent though,
"I could care less how many times you hurt me Adamai. I care that you hurt our friends."
"I care more that I hurt you!" Adamai shouts.
They sit in silence for a while. Adamai tries to keep his anger from showing. He doesn't want to scare Yugo in any way. But Yugo doesn't relent and keeps talking
"Adamai we come back, they don't"
"I know that!" Adamai shouts suddenly. "God dammit Yugo I know that" His voice cracks slightly when he says "I care about them. I do. I'm making amends to them I promise you I know what I've done. But Yugo-" Adamai tightens his grip on Yugo "I can't lose you. I can't. Even if we can't die- I can't. you're my brother Yugo. I can't lose any more of my family."
They sit there for a while. Adamai grips Yugo's hat that's still in his hand and throws it over Yugo's head again.
Adamai doesn't say anything else, he reaches the community door soon enough and throws it open. He ignores the concerned glances from Amalia. Ruel's slight glare, he ignores. He marches his way to the top floor and into Yugo's room. He sets Yugo on his bed. He turns to shut the door quickly. Yugo doesn't look at him.
"You're my brother to Ad. I can't lose you either"
Adamai just nods. He's tired. he wants to rest. In full honesty, he thinks that he's staying awake on pure adrenaline at this point. Yugo opens his arms slightly and then pats the space to the side of him. Adamai takes the invitation gratefully. He takes the extended olive branch this was. Adamai fits his lanky body onto Yugo's tiny bed curling up slightly. He picks up Yugo and holds him closer. The steady rise and fall of Yugo's chest reminds him that they are both alive and living. Yugo's eyes are still glazed over, he doesn't really look like he's fully there. Adamais's heart aches a little at the idea. He wraps his arms around Yugo,
He takes Yugo's hat off once more, throwing it to the side and landing it on one of the nudges that are made to hold his hats. Adamai lets his wings out, unpainfully this time, they slowly melt out of him he flaps them once. Careful not to knock anything over with his wings he wraps his wings around Yugo's body and his own, shrouding them in darkness if not for Yugo's wings. Yugo curls into Adamai. Like they used to do when they were younger.
distnatnly, in another lifetime. They did this very same thing. sitting next to each other. Protecting each other. Holding onto each other for a lifetime. A lifetime that was forgotten, yet the motion is still repeated through every life that they live and forget.
Yugo's wings flap and fold, and he slowly curls closer to Adamai.
"Are you okay with the light? Does it bother you?"
Adamai doesn't say anything, instead, he curls his wings tighter around Yugo.
"it never has"
Yugo nods, the light moving with him. Adamai hears the footsteps that cascade down the hall. The small opening of the door. He knows that Yugo doesn't hear it because he makes no motion to move at all, or maybe he does know and simply doesn't care content to be in his brother's protective hold. Adamai raises his head slightly, glaring at whoever had sent the sliver of light that cracked into the dark room.
The blond Cra and her husband sat peeking into the room slightly. At the even rhythmic pattern of Yugo's breathing, he can assume that he's asleep. Carefully he wraps an arm around Yugo and pulls him protectively close. He does not let them see the wings that sit on his head. A large wing carefully wraps to cover Yugo's small body but shows Adamai's face. Quietly he looks at Eva and Dally, asking a silent question of What do you need?
Dally ever the Iop opens his mouth to answer but Eva quickly slaps a hand over her husband's mouth. Smilingly at his immediate reaction and scampering. Muffled shouting through the hold of the Cras hand. Eva turns to face Adamai, and she mouths a silent question of whether Yugo is okay, Adamai looks down at the sleeping blond he has his wings wrapped around. The slow rise and fall of his brother's chest calmed an aching within his heart that he didn't know was there. He knew dragons were possessive creatures, knew that Grugal's type of dragon was especially possessive over their Eliatroup. Adamai realizes that he's likely no different having been raised by the older dragon.
Adamai nods his head slowly to the Cra at the door. A small signal that his brother was okay. Eva sends a silent question to the wing that covers Yugo. Adamai shakes his head, his possessiveness rearing to the front of his head. His wings instinctively tighten around them both. Eva takes that for what is it. dont ask
The Cra, always being the smartest of all of the brotherhood of the tofu nods a small smile, and closes the door with her hand that's not covering her still squirming husband. He hears the small yelp from Dally as Eva drags him by the ear away and down the stairs to reunite with the others. He relaxes once more, loosening his wing that covers Yugo slightly, and instead, he moves it to cover the both of them. Like a cacoon. He looks at Yugo's arms once more, he knows that those wounds were likely self-inflicted. Eliatrops were often essentially invisible so it's not like Yugo's own carlessness caused those injuries, instead, it was more likely that Yugo had intentionally injured himself. Adamai let a low growl at the thought. He pulled Yugo as close as he could without waking the other boy. Smiling when Yugo, despite his state of sleep, reaches forward towards Adamai to get closer, even in his sleep.
Adamai knows that he should likely talk to Yugo about a lot of things. Having more self-preservation certainly is something that he will be bringing up no matter what. And it is more likely than unlikely that he will be checking on how Yugo's arms are doing in the morning. Adamai just hopes that Yugo will be okay. Adamai checks once more that no one will be walking up the stairs anytime soon. With his advanced hearing, Adamai focuses his hearing on downstairs hearing the hushed conversations from the reminding people still awake at this time.
He hears Eva tell them all that Adamai and Yugo are resting and to let them be, that they are both fine. Ruel yawns slightly and says a small Okay, but there's no further comment about Adamai or about their trust in leaving Yugo alone with Adamai.
Adamai smiles,
Yeah, he thinks that Eva was right.