Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Regulus loved his mother. He really did.

But love wasn’t enough. Not when it felt like he was constantly failing her, constantly falling short. No matter how hard he tried, it never seemed to be enough—not enough to make her proud, not enough to feel her love. Her words stayed with him, sharp and heavy, reminding him of every flaw, every mistake.

In his room, the silence felt suffocating. The walls seemed to press closer each day, heavy with the weight of everything unsaid. He didn’t understand how he could be the son she bragged about to others and the son she criticized behind closed doors. At family gatherings, she spoke of his achievements, of how well he managed his studies and his job. But at home, she said he was changing. Drifting. Becoming someone she didn’t recognize.

Her words hurt the most when she said he was pulling away—as if he wanted this distance. As if he didn’t ache for her approval, her warmth, something real. But how could he reach for her when every attempt ended in coldness or criticism? She cared so much about what the world saw but didn’t seem to see him at all.

Regulus wanted someone to look past the surface, to understand the ache he carried. To see that behind the calm mask was someone who was barely holding it together. But wanting that felt dangerous, like hoping for something he’d never have.

The silence in his room was overwhelming. He felt like a prisoner in his own home. Days were stretching into nights, one blending into the other. It was all the same—trying, failing, breaking a little more each time.

He reached for the bottle of pills and swallowed them, ignoring the bitter taste. He looked at his hands and a sense of defeat wash over him. His mother hated the pills. She acted like they were a weakness, an embarrassment. Something she had to tolerate, but never understand.

The irony of it wasn’t lost on him. She had reluctantly agreed to let him see a psychiatrist, yet she seemed to resent every part of his treatment. It felt like just another thing for her to complain about, another way to control his life.

He knew he wasn’t an addict, despite what she hinted at. The medication was supposed to help him with his depression and anxiety, but so far, it felt like it was only covering up the pain. The pills dulled the edges, but they didn’t heal anything. They didn’t reach the hollow place inside him. He just wanted to feel something real again. Something more than this numbness, this emptiness, this slow, quiet ache that never went away.

And his mother’s constant questioning only made him feel more hopeless. When would the pills start working? When would you finally feel like yourself again? He wished he had answers.

It felt like no matter what he did, he was fighting a losing battle. He took the pills every day, but they never seemed to free him from the prison of his own mind. As the day dragged on, all he could think about was how many minutes were left until he could escape into sleep, hoping for some brief relief from the constant storm of his thoughts.

Lying on his bed, Regulus felt his mind grow foggy, the weight of exhaustion pressing down on him like a heavy blanket. Did he take his sleeping pills too, or just the antidepressants? He wasn’t sure. How could he forget something he had just done? But the memory felt distant, lost somewhere in the murky depths of his mind.

As he tried to make sense of it, his eyes drifted to the dishes scattered around his room. A wave of frustration hit him as he realized he had neglected another simple task. He cursed under his breath, angry at himself for being so forgetful, for not being able to keep up with even the smallest responsibilities.

With a heavy sigh, Regulus forced himself to sit up, every movement feeling like it took all the energy he had left. Slowly, he pushed himself off the bed, his exhaustion pulling at him like chains. He gathered the cups and plates that were strewn across the room and trudged to the kitchen, feeling a deep sense of resignation.

The sound of water running filled the silence as Regulus scrubbed away the remnants of his neglect. Would it ever get easier? Would he ever find peace, or was he destined to be stuck in this endless cycle of despair? The questions lingered in his mind, unanswered, as he made his way back to his room.

"Oh, look who finally decided to crawl out of his cave and do something! Bravo," his mother’s voice cut through the air, sharp and cold, each word dripping with disdain.

Regulus flinched at the sound, his shoulders hunching instinctively as if to protect himself from the sting of her words. It was a familiar tone, one that echoed in his mind with painful clarity, always reminding him of how much he fell short in her eyes.

"Did you finally remember that dishes don't clean themselves, or did you just get tired of living in filth?" she continued, her voice thick with sarcasm.

He bit back the retort that threatened to escape, the words caught in his throat like a bitter pill. There was no point in arguing, no use in trying to defend himself against her relentless criticism. It felt like she enjoyed watching him struggle, taking every opportunity to tear him down.

"Maybe now you'll actually start acting like a responsible adult for once," she added, her tone laced with derision.

Regulus felt anger rising inside him, a fire fueled by years of pent-up frustration and resentment. How could she mock him, belittle him, when all he ever wanted was her love and acceptance? But he knew better than to let his anger show, to let it burn out of control like a wildfire.

With a heavy heart, he swallowed his pride, letting her words wash over him like a cold wave, knowing that fighting back would only lead to more pain.

“Are you going to say something?” she demanded, her voice sharp and impatient.

Regulus felt the sting of her words like a slap to the face, each syllable cutting into him with disappointment and disdain. He clenched his fists, fighting the urge to lash out, but he forced himself to stay calm.

"I’m sorry, Mother," he said quietly, his voice barely a whisper. "I'll do better, I promise."

But even as he spoke, he felt the familiar weight of inadequacy pressing down on him like a leaden cloak. How many times had he made this same promise, only to fail again? How many times had he vowed to be better, only to find himself back in the same place?

Walburga’s eyes narrowed, her expression a mix of frustration and contempt. "Promises, promises," she scoffed, shaking her head in disbelief. "I’m tired of your empty words, Regulus. When will you finally grow up and take responsibility for your actions?"

Regulus flinched at her accusation, guilt twisting like a knife in his gut. He wanted to explain, to make her understand how much he was struggling, but he knew it would be pointless. She had already made up her mind about him, and nothing he said or did would change that.

"I'll do better, Mother," he repeated, his voice hollow with resignation. But deep down, he knew these were just empty promises, a desperate attempt to calm her and ease his own guilt. He feared he would never live up to her expectations, that he would always be a disappointment in her eyes. And as the silence stretched between them, he couldn’t help but wonder if there would ever be a day when he was finally enough.

Walburga’s gaze remained fixed on him, the air thick with her disappointment. Regulus felt the suffocating weight of her expectations, his chest tightening with each passing moment.

“I expect to see some improvement,” she said at last, her tone cold and unforgiving. “I won’t tolerate this behavior any longer.”

Regulus nodded silently, unable to find any words to respond. He watched as she turned and left the room, her footsteps echoing in the hollow emptiness of his heart.

Alone again, Regulus sank onto his bed, the weight of his mother’s words pressing down on him like a heavy stone. How was he supposed to meet her expectations when he could barely find the strength to face another day? How could he be better when he felt like he was drowning in his own feelings of inadequacy?

Regulus felt his loneliness weighing on him, heavy and suffocating like a thick blanket. He longed for someone who truly understood him, someone who wouldn’t just offer empty words or hollow reassurances but would actually listen with genuine empathy and compassion.

He looked at his phone, the screen glowing in the dimness of his room like a small glimmer of hope. He could reach out to Barty or Evan, his friends who had always been there for him before. But what could they really do? Tell him they were there for him? He knew that already. Their support was comforting, but it felt like just a temporary patch on a much deeper wound.

His thoughts drifted to Sirius, his older brother, the one person who had always stood by him through everything. But even that relationship had its limits. Sirius was the kind of person who always wanted to fix things, to find solutions to any problem that came their way. And while Regulus appreciated his brother’s intentions, their conversations often turned into a frustrating back-and-forth of suggestions and dismissals, leaving him feeling even more defeated.

Regulus knew Sirius meant well and that his heart was in the right place, but it was hard not to feel like a failure when talking to him, like he was letting down the one person who had always believed in him. So, he hesitated to reach out, unsure if he could handle another well-meaning but ultimately unhelpful conversation.

He almost put his phone away when he heard a message ping. He opened a massage from Barty.

You, me, Evan - clubbing. Pre-game at Evan’s

Regulus stared at the message, feeling a mix of dread and resignation twist in his stomach. Clubbing was the last thing he wanted to do. The thought of squeezing through sweaty, crowded dance floors, enduring the pounding music, and fending off the invasive touches from strangers made his skin crawl.

But the way Barty phrased it left no room for discussion, and Regulus knew that trying to back out would only bring more questions—questions he didn’t have the energy to answer. Still, he couldn’t completely ignore the tempting idea of numbing his feelings with alcohol, even if it meant dealing with a night of discomfort.

With a sigh, he typed out a quick reply, confirming he’d go, then tossed his phone onto the bed, feeling a sense of defeat. It was always better to be a little tipsy than completely sober, he told himself, even if it meant sacrificing his own comfort for the sake of some fleeting relief.

☆

Regulus forced a smile as he walked into Evan’s apartment, trying to push aside the envy that gnawed at him seeing his friend’s comfortable life. Evan’s parents had bought him and his sister a flat, and Regulus couldn’t help but feel a sharp pang of jealousy. He longed for the same stability, the same independence.

“Bottoms up, Reg!” Barty exclaimed, handing him a shot.

“Hey, Barty,” Regulus greeted, taking the shot with a grateful nod. The alcohol burned as it went down his throat, a brief but welcome distraction.

He settled onto the couch next to Evan, sinking into the worn cushions with a sigh of relief.

“How’s Mulciber?” Regulus asked, even though he already knew. Evan’s tension with his boyfriend was something they talked about often.

“They’re fighting again,” Barty cut in with a knowing smirk.

“We are not fighting,” Evan protested, though his frustration was clear. “It’s just… complicated.”

Regulus watched as Evan’s face clouded with uncertainty. It was obvious that the situation was weighing heavily on him, darkening what should have been a carefree night.

“It’s not complicated. Mulciber’s an idiot, and you deserve better,” Barty said bluntly.

Evan shot Barty a playful glare, though there was a flicker of hurt in his eyes. “Fuck you, Crouch. At least I have a boyfriend,” he retorted, though his words had a resigned edge.

“Oi, I’m on your side!” Barty replied with a grin.

“Sure you are,” Evan huffed. He turned to Regulus. “What about you, Reg? How’s the new uni?”

Regulus shifted uncomfortably under Evan’s gaze, the weight of his friend’s concern pressing down on him. He understood Evan trying to steer the conversation away from his own troubles, but moving to the topic of Regulus’s life only made him feel more exposed, like every word he said was being carefully examined.

“It’s great, really,” he repeated, forcing a smile that felt empty and strained. “I think I’m actually doing something I like.”

“But?” Evan pressed, his brow furrowing in concern.

Regulus hesitated, the words stuck in his throat like shards of glass. How could he explain the nagging doubt that constantly gnawed at him, the fear that he was making yet another mistake?

“There are no ‘buts,’” he insisted, though his voice wavered slightly.

“No butts, huh? That sounds like a big ‘but’ to me,” Barty interjected with a laugh.

Evan ignored him, his gaze steady as he waited for Regulus to continue. “You just don’t sound so sure,” he said softly, his voice full of understanding.

Regulus sighed, the weight of his mother’s disapproval heavy on his shoulders. “Mother hates that I changed universities and didn’t finish my Bachelor’s at LSE,” he admitted, the words spilling out in a rush. “But this new uni really is great.”

As he spoke, guilt gnawed at him. He had always been the dutiful son, following the path set for him without question. But now, he felt like he was betraying everything he’d ever known, risking everything for a chance at something more.

Barty wrapped an arm around him. “If you like what you’re doing, what’s the problem?” Barty said confidently.

Regulus wanted to scoff, to dismiss Barty’s words as naïve. If only life were that simple. But looking into his friend’s earnest eyes, Regulus felt a pang of jealousy at Barty’s unwavering confidence.

Instead of dwelling on his mother’s lectures and the weight of her expectations, Regulus decided to focus on the present. He let himself be comforted by the warmth of his friends and the alcohol that dulled his anxiety.

Time blurred into a haze of laughter and shared memories, each shot bringing him closer to the edge of oblivion. As the night wore on, he felt more relaxed, more at ease with his friends.

“Time to go party,” Evan declared, clapping his hands with a smile. His words were followed by the promise of another round of shots.

“Can’t we just stay here together?” Regulus slurred, the alcohol making his words thick and clumsy.

“Nope,” Barty said with a mischievous grin. “We’re going dancing. You love dancing, Reg.”

Regulus nodded, a small, wistful smile tugging at his lips. He did love dancing, especially when he was drunk and nothing else mattered but the music and the beat of his heart.

“Okay,” he sighed, his voice tinged with a hint of resignation as he let himself be swept up in the excitement of the night ahead.

☆

Regulus almost tripped as he got out of the Uber, bursting into laughter. "Why don't people drink all the time? I could get used to this feeling."

Barty steadied him, laughing along, and they joined the line to enter the club. The neon lights flickered overhead, casting a bright, electric glow over the crowd, while the bass from the music thudded through the air like a heartbeat. Regulus felt a thrill of anticipation surging through him as they moved closer to the entrance.

Inside, the music was loud, but Regulus found himself nodding along to the beat. He was relieved that the DJ was playing familiar tracks instead of obscure remixes. The popular tunes filled the air, setting the perfect vibe for a night of dancing and fun.

With a drink in hand, Regulus let himself get lost in the music, his hips swaying to the pulsating rhythm. The alcohol warmed him from the inside, loosening his inhibitions and filling him with a light, carefree feeling.

But his bliss was interrupted when a random man brushed past him, his hand lingering too long on Regulus's arse. It wasn’t the first time something like this had happened, but it was always unsettling. Regulus knew that crowded clubs made it hard to avoid bumping into people, but it seemed like creeps always took it as an excuse to invade his personal space.

As the night wore on, Regulus began to feel the fatigue settle into his bones. His legs grew heavy, and he leaned in close to Barty, raising his voice to be heard over the music.

“Are you tired too?” he asked, his voice strained.

“Yeah, a bit. Do you want to head out?” Barty replied, his own tiredness showing.

“Yes!” Regulus exclaimed, relief washing over him at the thought of leaving the crowded, noisy club.

Stepping outside, the cool night air hit Regulus like a splash of cold water, refreshing and clearing his mind, even as it sent a shiver down his spine. Despite his drunken haze, the fresh air helped him feel more grounded, bringing a bit of clarity to his thoughts.

“Any ideas for a route home?” Barty asked, breaking the comfortable silence between them.

Regulus swayed slightly on his feet, his thoughts muddled by the alcohol. “I’ll just go with one of you, get out near the train station, and call my own Uber from there. Sound good?” he slurred, struggling to keep his balance.

Barty nodded, a sympathetic smile on his face. “Sounds like a plan,” he said, slipping an arm around Regulus’s waist to steady him.

As they reached the railway station, Regulus's stomach growled loudly. He knew his mother would complain if he made himself food at this hour, so he decided to grab something to eat here.

He spotted a kebab place and made his way inside, placing his order while still swaying slightly. As he waited for his food, a strange feeling of being watched crept over him. It was as if someone’s eyes were boring into the back of his head.

Turning around, Regulus locked eyes with the man behind the counter, who was watching him intently. The man approached, offering a pack of cigarettes and striking up a conversation.

"Do you want a fag?" the man asked with a strange grin.

"Sure," Regulus replied automatically, taking the cigarette with a nod.

The man kept talking, but Regulus struggled to focus, the alcohol dulling his ability to concentrate. He nodded along, trying to seem engaged even though his mind was foggy.

When his food was ready, the man was still talking, his words becoming more slurred and harder to understand. A feeling of unease began to creep over Regulus, a small voice in the back of his mind warning him that something wasn’t right.

His heart sank as the man gestured toward a nearby bench. It would be rude to refuse, wouldn’t it? After all, the man had just offered him a cigarette. Despite the growing sense of discomfort, Regulus followed the man outside, leaving the warm, safe atmosphere of the kebab shop behind.

As they sat down, a sense of dread began to creep over Regulus. He told himself that the conversation would end soon, trying desperately to believe that everything would be fine. But the man started asking questions about his life, and with each one, Regulus’s anxiety grew worse. He tried to answer carefully, but the alcohol made it hard to think straight. His words stumbled over each other, and it felt like his mouth was moving without any control from his mind.

Then, without warning, the man’s lips were on his, his tongue forcing its way into Regulus’s mouth. The suddenness of it left Regulus breathless and disoriented. Panic surged through him, his thoughts spinning in a whirlwind of fear and confusion. He tried to push the man away, tried to protest, but his limbs felt heavy and unresponsive, as if they were weighed down by his panic. He wanted to scream, to fight back against the invasion of his personal space, but his voice was trapped, lost in the chaos of his racing thoughts.

As the man's hands began to roam over his body, a wave of revulsion hit Regulus. He felt sick, hollow, exposed. What was happening? Did he agree to this? His mind struggled to make sense of what was happening, to piece together the fragmented memories swirling in the fog of his alcohol-clouded mind. But amid the confusion, one thing was clear: he had to get out of there.

With a sudden burst of adrenaline, Regulus pushed hard against the man's chest, breaking free from his grasp and stumbling backward, dazed. "Stop!" he finally choked out, his voice trembling with a mix of fear and anger. "I don't want this!"

The man recoiled, his expression shifting from predatory to surprised, as if he had just realized that his advances were unwanted. Regulus turned and fled, his heart pounding in his chest as he ran blindly through the darkness, desperate to escape the nightmare that had just unfolded.

Regulus’s lungs burned from the effort, and when his legs could no longer carry him, he collapsed onto a curb. His mind was spinning with confusion and disbelief. What had just happened? Was that something he hadn’t consented to? The questions swirled in his head, clouded by the alcohol and uncertainty.

He couldn't shake the feeling of violation, the sickening sense of betrayal that gnawed at him. But as he tried to piece together what had happened, guilt started to creep in. Was it his fault? Had he somehow invited this unwanted attention by not being clearer about his boundaries? The doubts ate at him, darkening his already troubled thoughts.

Should he tell someone? The idea sent a shiver down his spine. The fear of being judged or not believed loomed over him like a dark shadow. But he also couldn't imagine keeping this to himself, suffering in silence under the weight of guilt that was crushing him.

Yet as he sat there, alone under the dim glow of a streetlamp, another thought crossed his mind: was he overreacting?
Was he blowing this out of proportion?
After all, the man hadn't done anything wrong, had he? Maybe it was just Regulus's own insecurities, his own inability to speak up, that had led to this moment. The doubt lingered, leaving him even more lost and confused.

Chapter Text

As Regulus slowly blinked his eyes open, a pounding headache greeted him with a cruel reminder of the night before. He groaned softly, his head throbbing with each beat of his heart. The taste of stale alcohol lingered on his tongue, leaving a bitter aftertaste that made him feel nauseous.

Dragging himself out of bed, he stumbled towards the bathroom, his limbs heavy and uncoordinated. As he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror, he recoiled at the sight of the disheveled figure staring back at him, his eyes bloodshot and his hair matted with sweat.

Turning on the faucet, he splashed cold water on his face in a futile attempt to wash away the lingering remnants of the night before. But no matter how hard he scrubbed, he couldn't shake the feeling of dirtiness that seemed to cling to his skin.

Slumping onto the edge of the bathtub, he buried his face in his hands, the events of the previous night replaying in his mind like a cruel taunt. How had things gone so wrong?

He heard a ping of his phone and walked back to his room. Regulus's lips curved into a small smile as he looked at the selfie from Barty, his wide grin contrasting with the evident signs of a hangover. "How is my pretty boy doing?" 

Despite the throbbing ache in his head and the lingering sense of unease in his stomach, Regulus couldn't help but feel a warm glow of appreciation at Barty's words. Even though Barty might not fully understand everything he was going through, he was always there for him.

Regulus felt good knowing that he was Barty's go-to person. It meant a lot to him to be someone's top priority. Whether it was to share good news or seek advice, he appreciated being the first one Barty called.

Regulus snapped a selfie and sent it back to Barty. He got a new message in seconds. “Oh shite, you look horrible. Anyway, can I face time you?”

Regulus chuckled at Barty’s candid response. It was typical of their friendship—honest and unfiltered. Despite the teasing, he appreciated Barty’s straightforwardness.

“Sure”

“How’s your head?” Regulus asked, his voice raspy from the lingering effects of the night before.

“Haven’t had any complaints yet,” Barty quipped, a hint of amusement in his voice.

Regulus chuckled softly. “Ha ha. So, what’s up?”

Barty hesitated for a moment before speaking. “I need to tell you something… You may not like this.”

“I don’t need to like it to hear what’s on your mind.”

“Okay. So…” Barty took a deep breath. “I think I might have some feelings for Evan.”

Regulus felt a knot form in his stomach at Barty's confession. He wasn't sure how to respond, his mind racing with a jumble of conflicting emotions. On one hand, he wanted to be supportive of his friend, to offer him a safe space to express his feelings without judgment. But on the other hand, he couldn't shake the pang of jealousy that stabbed at his chest.

"Wow," Regulus finally managed to choke out, his voice barely above a whisper. "That's... unexpected."

"Yeah," Barty replied, his tone heavy with uncertainty. "I didn't plan on feeling this way, but it's been on my mind a lot lately."

Regulus struggled to find the right words to say, torn between his loyalty to his friend and the ache in his own heart. "I appreciate you telling me," he said at last, his voice tinged with sadness. "It must have been hard for you to admit this."

Barty sighed, the weight of his confession hanging heavy in the air between them. "Yeah, it wasn't easy," he admitted. "But I couldn't keep it bottled up anymore."

"Well, I'm here for you," Regulus said, mustering a smile despite the turmoil churning inside him. "Do you know what you want to do about it?"

Barty sighed, a troubled expression crossing his face. "That's the worst part. I don't know," he admitted. "I don't want to ruin our friendship if something goes wrong in our relationship. And how do I know if it's really it?"

Regulus nodded in understanding, his brow furrowing with concern. "It's a tough spot to be in," he agreed. "But wait a minute, you're jumping ahead a bit here. Don't forget that Evan has a boyfriend."

Barty shrugged dismissively. "Yeah, like that's a problem," he retorted. "They're clearly not a good fit, and Evan's not happy with him. Getting with him is not the problem."

Regulus couldn't help but feel a pang of unease at Barty's words. While he wanted to be supportive of his friend, he couldn't shake the feeling that pursuing Evan while he was still in a relationship might lead to more complications down the road.

Regulus’s voice was tinged with concern as he spoke. “Barty…”

“What?” Barty interrupted, his tone defensive. “You know I’m way better than Mulciber. I beat him in every aspect.”

Regulus sighed, trying to find the right words to convey his thoughts without causing offense. “That’s not what I’m saying,” he replied gently. “I know you’re great. You’re my best friend for a reason. But he’s still Evan’s boyfriend.”

“For now.”

Regulus nodded, his expression grave. “For now,” he repeated, acknowledging Barty’s point. “But Barty, please. I really want to support you, but I don’t want you to make a move on Evan if it will end up with Evan cheating on his boyfriend or something. They are still together, and you should respect that. I don’t want my friend to end up doing something morally wrong, because of you.”

“I’m your friend too.” Barty said angrily.

Regulus felt a pang of guilt at the anger in Barty's voice, but he knew he had to stand his ground. "I know you're my friend too, Barty," he replied calmly. "And that's exactly why I'm telling you this. I care about you, and I don't want to see you get hurt or do something you'll regret."

Barty's expression softened slightly, his anger giving way to a hint of resignation. "I know," he said quietly. "I just... I really like Evan, you know? And it's hard to ignore those feelings."

Regulus nodded sympathetically, understanding the struggle all too well. "I get it," he said softly. "But sometimes, doing the right thing means putting our own desires aside for the greater good. And in this case, that means respecting Evan's relationship and not putting him in a difficult position."

Barty sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I know," he muttered. “And what do you think about it, us together?”

Regulus hesitated. He knew he had to be honest with Barty, but the thought of potentially hurting his friend made his heart ache. "What do I think? Well..." he began, his voice faltering slightly. "I'm not a big fan of the idea right now. But it's just me, so don't worry. I just need to wrap my head around this."

Barty's expression softened, but there was a hint of sadness in his eyes. "I see," he said quietly, his voice betraying his disappointment.

Regulus felt a surge of guilt wash over him, knowing that his words had hurt Barty. Deep down, he couldn't shake the fear that he might no longer be Barty's number one confidant, that their friendship might be changing in ways he wasn't ready to accept. But he pushed those thoughts aside, focusing on offering his support to his friend in this difficult time.

"I'm sorry, Barty," Regulus said softly. "I just want what's best for everyone involved, you know?"

Barty nodded, a forced smile playing at his lips. "Yeah, I know," he replied, his voice tinged with sadness. "I'll figure it out. Thanks, Regulus. Bye.”

Regulus’s heart clenched as he heard the click of the line disconnecting. He stared at his phone for a moment, feeling the weight of Barty’s words lingering in the air.

Regulus’s fingers hovered over the keys of his phone, hesitating for a moment before he began to type. His thoughts swirled like a tempest within him, a tumultuous storm of emotions threatening to overwhelm him. But he knew he had to find the words, to express the depth of his feelings in a way that would resonate with Barty.

“I want you to know that I care about you more than words can express,” he started, his words tentative yet sincere. “Your happiness means everything to me, and I would do anything to see you smile.”

But even as he typed the words, a sense of unease gnawed at him from within. He couldn’t ignore the nagging doubt that lingered in the depths of his heart, the fear that he was losing his grip on the one person who had always been there for him.

“I know this might sound selfish,” he continued, his fingers moving with a sense of urgency now. “But I’m scared, Barty. Scared that I’ll be left behind, that I’ll become just another face in the crowd while you move on to brighter and better things.”

The words spilled forth from him like a torrent, each sentence a testament to the depth of his vulnerability. He bared his soul in a way he had never done before, laying bare his innermost fears and insecurities for Barty to see.

“I know it’s irrational,” he confessed, his voice trembling with emotion. “But you’ve always been my rock, my anchor in a sea of uncertainty. And the thought of losing that, of losing you… it terrifies me more than anything.”

Regulus paused, his breath catching in his throat as he struggled to put his feelings into words. But even as his heart ached with the weight of his confession, he knew that he had to be honest with Barty, no matter the cost.

“I wish I could feel differently,” he wrote, his words a whisper in the silence of his room. “I wish I could be happy for you without reservation. But the truth is, I’m scared. Scared of being alone, scared of losing the one person who has always been there for me, through thick and thin.”

Regulus felt a wave of self-reproach wash over him as he stared at the message on his phone screen. His words echoed in his mind, a stark reminder of his own selfishness in a moment when his friend needed him the most.

He reread the message twice, each word a painful reminder of his own shortcomings. How could he have been so blind, so consumed by his own fears and insecurities, that he failed to see the pain and vulnerability in Barty's own confession?

With a heavy heart, Regulus deleted the message, the weight of his actions settling like a leaden anchor in the pit of his stomach.

Regulus's fingers trembled slightly as he typed out the new message, his heart heavy with remorse for his earlier lapse in judgment. With each word, he sought to convey his genuine remorse and his renewed commitment to being there for Barty in whatever way he needed.

"I just tried to explain what I'm feeling, but I realized I'm being selfish and thinking about myself in a situation that doesn't involve me," he wrote, his words a humble acknowledgment of his own failings. "I'm sorry. I will support you in whatever you decide."

With a deep breath, Regulus hit send, his heart pounding in his chest as he awaited Barty's response.

Finally, a notification flashed across his screen, signaling the arrival of a new message. With trembling hands, Regulus opened it, his breath catching in his throat as he read Barty’s response.

“It’s okay, pretty boy,” the message read, the words a balm to Regulus’s wounded soul. “Thank you. I knew I could count on you.”

☆

Regulus entered the house with a spring in his step, buoyed by the sense of accomplishment that came from a successful day at university. His classes had been engaging, and he had finally delivered the presentation he had been eagerly preparing for weeks. The topic—male and female gaze in movies of the last decade—had been met with enthusiasm by his peers and professors alike, and Regulus had relished the opportunity to share his insights with the class.

But as he stepped through the threshold of his home, the warmth of his excitement was immediately extinguished by the icy reception that greeted him. His mother's disdainful gaze met his own, her expression a mask of disapproval as she regarded him with a mixture of scorn and contempt.

"You can stop trying to justify your stupid decisions. I don't care," she spat, her words like daggers aimed at his heart.

Regulus felt the air leave his lungs in a rush, the weight of his mother's condemnation bearing down on him like a suffocating blanket. He had hoped to share his joy with her, to bask in the glow of her pride and approval. But instead, he was met with nothing but rejection and scorn.

"But I'm doing what I like. Isn't that enough?" he ventured, his voice trembling with a mixture of defiance and hurt.

"Doing what you like is all well and good, but it won't put food on the table or pay the bills," she retorted, her tone tinged with bitterness. "You need to start thinking about your future, Regulus. You can't spend your life chasing after frivolous dreams."

“But it’s my life and my choices,” he insisted, his voice trembling with a mixture of defiance and desperation. “I have a job to pay for this university—”

“And you could have a better job if you finished your degree,” his mother interjected, her tone dripping with disdain. “But no, instead you want to pursue some idiotic passion of yours, which wasn’t even your passion a year ago. You’ve thrown away your future, and you’re trying to justify it.”

Regulus felt a surge of anger rising within him, his fists clenching at his sides as he fought to maintain his composure. How dare she dismiss his dreams as frivolous? How dare she belittle his efforts to pursue his passions?

“You don’t know what my passions are!” he exclaimed, his voice rising in frustration.

“I am your mother. I know everything about you,” she countered, her words like a slap in the face.

Regulus’s breath caught in his throat, his anger giving way to a sense of resignation. With a heavy heart, he turned away from her, retreating to his room.

“Right! Run away to your room. That’s all you can do,” his mother’s voice lashed out behind him, dripping with disdain. “You are an adult and you can’t even have a normal conversation!”

Each word struck Regulus like a physical blow, the pain of her words searing through him as he closed the door to his room.

Alone in the quiet confines of his room, Regulus sank onto his bed. He longed to scream, to lash out against the injustice of it all, but he knew that it would only lead to more conflict, more hurt feelings.

Instead, he buried his face in his hands, allowing the tears to come as he grappled with the overwhelming sense of frustration.

Why couldn’t she be happy for him?

Parents were supposed to be their children’s biggest cheerleaders, their unwavering supporters in the pursuit of their dreams. They were supposed to celebrate their successes, no matter how small, and lift them up when they stumbled along the way.

He couldn’t understand why she couldn’t see the passion burning within him, the drive and determination that fueled his every decision. He couldn’t understand why she couldn’t be happy for him, proud of the person he was becoming.

Perhaps his mother’s inability to be happy for him was not a reflection of his worth or his accomplishments, but rather a reflection of her own fears and insecurities. Perhaps she was afraid of letting go, of losing control over the son she had raised, and so she clung to her expectations and her judgments as a way of maintaining her grip on the reins.

Regulus shook his head, banishing the thought from his mind. It was a dangerous road to travel, to try to rationalize his mother’s behavior in such a way. It only served to deepen the divide between them, to further alienate him from the person he longed to connect with the most.

Regulus's heart raced as he recalled the tense confrontation with his mother, the memory still fresh in his mind like an open wound. He remembered the sinking feeling in his stomach as Walburga barged into his room, her voice laced with fury and disbelief.

"Are you still a student at LSE?!" she had demanded, her eyes ablaze with anger.

Regulus felt sweat bead on his back as he struggled to find his words, his mind racing to come up with a plausible explanation. "Yes," he had answered, his voice trembling slightly as he tried to sound convincing.

"Then what the fuck is this?" his mother had spat, throwing a letter at him with such force that it landed at his feet in a crumpled heap.

Regulus had picked up the letter, his hands shaking as he unfolded it to reveal the damning evidence of his deception. It was a notice from his university, informing him that he had been formally withdrawn from his program.

He had tried to come up with excuses, to explain away his actions, but his mother's rage had been relentless, her accusations cutting through his feeble attempts at justification like a knife.

“I couldn’t stay there and study something that doesn’t interest me. Why do you want me to be unhappy?”

“You think I want you to be unhappy?” she replied, her voice tinged with disbelief. “I want what’s best for you, Regulus. I want you to have a bright future, to be successful and fulfilled in whatever you choose to do.”

“Then why can’t you support me in pursuing my passions?” Regulus countered, his voice rising with emotion. “Why do you always have to criticize and belittle my choices, to make me feel like I’m never good enough?”

“I criticize because I care,” she insisted, her tone firm. “I want you to succeed, Regulus. And sometimes that means making difficult choices, pushing yourself to do things that you may not want to do in the short term but will benefit you in the long run.”

“But what’s the point of success if it comes at the cost of my happiness?” Regulus shot back, his frustration boiling over. “What’s the point of living a life that’s dictated by other people’s expectations, by society’s standards of what’s acceptable and what’s not?”

His mother’s jaw clenched, her resolve hardening as she squared her shoulders and met his gaze head-on. “Life isn’t always about happiness, Regulus,” she said, her voice unyielding. “Sometimes you have to make sacrifices, to endure hardships in order to achieve your goals. That’s just the way the world works.”

His eyes glistened with unshed tears. “But I found this other university,” he began, his voice cracking with emotion. “And I can study journalism and writing, do something that brings me joy. I’ve started a job so I can pay for it. You don’t have to worry about that.”

He watched as his mother’s expression remained cold and unyielding, her features set in a mask of disdain as she listened to his impassioned plea. There was no flicker of understanding in her eyes, no hint of acceptance in her rigid stance. Instead, there was only the cold, hard truth of her disappointment, a wall of resistance that seemed impenetrable to his pleas.

“It’s not just about the money, Regulus,” she replied, her voice dripping with contempt. “It’s about your future, your prospects.”

Regulus felt a surge of frustration welling up inside him, a fierce determination to prove his mother wrong, to show her that he was capable of achieving greatness on his own terms. But beneath it all, there was a deep-seated fear, a gnawing uncertainty that whispered in the back of his mind, taunting him with the possibility of defeat.

“I know it’s a risk,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “But it’s a risk I’m willing to take. I can’t live my life constantly worrying about what might go wrong. I have to follow my heart, to chase after my dreams, no matter how daunting the journey may be.”

His mother’s gaze remained cold and unyielding, her lips pressed into a thin line of disapproval. “You’re being foolish, Regulus,” she spat, her voice laced with disdain. “You’re throwing away your future for some foolish pipe dream. But fine, if that’s what you want. Just don’t come crying to me when it all falls apart.”

Regulus's voice cracked as tears streamed down his cheeks. "I don’t know what to do to make you happy," he confessed.

"Think for once. And learn how to talk to your own mother without crying like a baby," she admonished, her words breaking his already wounded heart.

Chapter Text

“It’s so annoying that Sirius’s friend is at the same university as me!” Regulus said frustrated eating another crisp. “Life is so fucking unfair. Imagine me walking casually in a place where I thought I can have a fresh start. Just to hear his stupid voice calling me.”

They were sitting at Evan’s flat. The idea was that Evan would focus on his bachelor's thesis and Regulus would work on his academic assignments but of course the plans were changed the second they saw each other.

Evan chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. “Ah, come on, Reg. It could have been worse.”

Regulus shot him a withering glare. “Worse? He called me baby Black! Do you know how embarrassing that is? And then he had the audacity to keep calling me Reggie. Now everyone’s going to think that’s how they should address me.”

“Well, at least it’s a nickname with character,” Evan remarked teasingly. “Besides, I’m sure it’ll blow over soon enough.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, but a small smirk tugged at the corners of his lips. “Yeah, maybe. But it’s still annoying as hell.”

"So, how's life at LSE? Extremely boring without me?" he added with a smirk.

Evan chuckled, shaking his head. "Oh, you have no idea. It's like a never-ending horror without your snarky remarks."

Regulus feigned offense, placing a hand over his heart in mock indignation. "Ouch, that hurts," he said with a dramatic sigh.

"Well, you know I only speak the truth.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, his smirk widening. "Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that," he retorted playfully. "But seriously, though, tell me all about the boring lectures and sleep-inducing seminars. I want to live vicariously through your dullness."

Evan chuckled, shaking his head. "Trust me, you're not missing much," he replied. "Everyone is so focused on their own classes. I spent most of my time with Mulciber anyway."

Regulus's brow furrowed in concern at Evan's words. "Why does that sound like a bad thing?" he asked, his tone softening.

Evan hesitated before responding, his voice tinged with uncertainty. "Reg, can you keep a secret?"

"Yeah, sure. What's going on? You look worried," Regulus replied, leaning in slightly to show his friend that he had his full attention.

Evan hesitated, his words coming out in a rush. "I-I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not sure if my relationship looks... right?"

Regulus's expression filled with empathy as he processed Evan's words. "Oh, well, how you look shouldn't be the main thing," he responded gently, offering reassurance to his friend in his moment of uncertainty.

“You know that’s not what I mean…” Evan’s voice trailed off, filled with a mixture of frustration and vulnerability. “We fight over stupid things all the time. I think he acts different in public than when we’re alone. Because he can be sweet. Only sometimes…”

“Well, the sex is good at least, right?” Regulus tried to lighten Evan’s mood a bit, his tone hopeful.

Evan’s response was hesitant, his words filled with a sense of discomfort. “Actually…”

Regulus’s heart sank as he realized his mistake. “Oh. Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply anything, just wanted to give some positives,” he apologized, feeling guilty for making Evan feel uncomfortable.

“No no, don’t blame yourself. I never talked about that before. The sex is good. It’s just… God, this feels so awkward to say out loud. I never… came with him.”

Regulus felt a pang of sympathy for Evan’s vulnerability. “It’s okay, Evan. You don’t have to feel awkward about it,” he reassured. “Communication is key in any relationship, especially when it comes to intimacy. Maybe it’s something you could talk to him about?”

Evan buried his face in his hands and groaned. “I did. He thinks it’s probably something wrong with me. Which might be, I’m the one who isn’t able to have an orgasm with his boyfriend, not him.”

Regulus placed a comforting hand on Evan’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s not just about you. It’s about both of you finding what works best together,” he said, his tone soothing. “And if Mulciber isn’t willing to communicate and work through this with you, then maybe it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.”

Evan let out a heavy sigh. “I know we’re not working,” he admitted, his voice tinged with defeat. “But I don’t know what to do. I’m scared to be alone. I don’t want to be alone.”

“I understand, Evan,” Regulus said softly. “It’s natural to feel afraid of being alone, but you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy, someone who truly values and supports you.”

Evan let out another heavy sigh, his shoulders slumping with the weight of his emotions. “I just don’t know what to do,” he admitted, his voice laced with uncertainty. “I dont know if anyone else would love me.”

Regulus felt a pang of sadness as he watched Evan wrestle with his insecurities. He knew how deeply his friend longed for love and acceptance, and it hurt to see him doubt himself so harshly. "Evan... don't say that," he urged gently.

"But it's true," Evan insisted, his tone heavy with defeat. "Name one person who would be a good pair for me and who would want me!"

"Barty," Regulus said firmly, meeting Evan's gaze with unwavering conviction. "You would be a power couple."

Evan's brows furrowed in disbelief, his expression skeptical. "Pfff, right," he scoffed dismissively. "As if Barty would ever want to be with me. There's no way he would ever fancy me."

Regulus shook his head, refusing to let Evan succumb to his self-doubt. "You don't know that, Evan," he insisted, his voice tinged with determination.

The weight of Regulus's words hung in the air.

“Okay, you’re right. I don’t know that. But it’s just too big a risk to take,” Evan said slowly, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

“I didn’t say you should do something. Just saying you can’t let your thoughts get to you,” Regulus replied, offering a reassuring smile as he leaned in to plant a gentle kiss on Evan’s forehead.

Evan’s laughter filled the room, a warm and comforting sound that washed away some of the tension. “Why do you always do that?” he asked, amusement twinkling in his eyes.

Regulus felt his cheeks heating up.

“Oh, no no Reg, I didn’t mean that as a bad thing. It’s just you are normally not very touchy, but you do that to me and Barty, when we need comfort.”

“I always liked when forehead kisses happen in books. And how they are described to make you feel safe and loved.”

"Well, it definitely works," Evan said warmly, his gaze softening as he reached out to gently brush a stray strand of hair from Regulus's face. "It always makes me feel better, knowing that you're there for me."

“I’m glad to help.”

“How are you so good at relationships without ever being in one?” Evan chuckled.

Regulus forced a laugh, but inside, his thoughts swirled with self-doubt. Was he really good at relationships? Or was he just good at pretending? No one has ever expressed even a small interest in him.

Regulus's mind churned with the memories of that clubbing night. Was that the only type of interest he was destined to have? It seemed like nobody cared about who he was as a person – his thoughts, his dreams, his fears. Instead, he was reduced to nothing more than a body to be used and discarded, a vessel for others' fleeting desires.

A surge of bitterness welled up within him as he thought about all the times he had tried to connect with others, only to be met with indifference or outright hostility. It was as if his personality, his very essence, was something to be scorned and rejected by those around him.

“Hey Reg, I was just joking. You will find someone one day,” Evan said, his smile genuine but tinged with uncertainty.

Regulus forced a smile in return, though deep down, he wasn’t even sure if his friend believed his own words.

“By the way I was thinking we should all meet together for a board game night.” Evan changed the subject. Evan had always been a fan of board games, so it was a typical activity for their group. “Are you free on Friday night?”

Regulus felt a flicker of excitement at the prospect of spending time with his friends, even if it was just for a simple board game night. It had been a while since they had all gotten together, and he missed the simple fun.

"Yeah, I should be free on Friday night," he replied, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Count me in."

☆

Upon arriving at Evan’s flat on Friday evening, Regulus found everyone already gathered. Despite his switch to a different university, spending time with his old LSE squad was exciting.

Barty and Dorcas were busy pouring drinks, while Dorcas's girlfriend, Marlene, sat on the couch with Evan’s sister, Pandora. However, Regulus couldn't spot Evan anywhere among them.

Suddenly, he heard hushed whispers coming from the kitchen, followed by Evan's voice tinged with frustration. Regulus turned to see Evan and Mulciber emerging from the kitchen.

"Please, I just want to spend some nice tim—" Evan paused mid-sentence as he noticed Regulus's presence. "Oh hi, Reg!" he greeted, a hint of relief evident in his tone.

Regulus returned Evan's greeting with a warm smile, though he couldn't help but notice the tension lingering in the air between Evan and Mulciber.

"Hey, Evan. Everything alright?" Regulus asked, his voice laced with concern as he glanced between the two of them.

Evan let out a weary sigh, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, just a little disagreement," he replied, trying to brush it off with a forced smile.

Regulus nodded understandingly, though he couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to the situation than Evan was letting on. Nevertheless, he decided to let it go for now, not wanting to pry into Evan's personal affairs during what was supposed to be a fun evening.

"Alright, well, let's get this game night started then!" Evan exclaimed.

"What game are we playing tonight?" Regulus asked, turning to Barty and Dorcas, who were still bustling around the drinks table.

Barty grinned mischievously, holding up a stack of board game boxes. "Take your pick, pretty boy! We've got everything from classic favorites to some new ones I picked up recently," he said, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

As the game night kicked off, the group settled on playing “Settlers of Catan,” their classic favorite. Regulus eagerly grabbed a seat at the table, his competitive spirit already bubbling with anticipation.

Barty took on the role of game master, expertly explaining the rules to Pandora while Dorcas and Marlene set out snacks and drinks to keep everyone fueled for the evening ahead.

As the game started, the tension between Evan and his boyfriend seemed to dissipate, replaced by laughter and good-natured taunts as they vied for control of the coveted resources on the island of Catan. Regulus found himself caught up in the competitive spirit, eagerly strategizing his next moves.

But as the game wore on and the stakes grew higher, Regulus couldn’t help but notice the subtle shifts in dynamics around the table. Evan’s cheerful demeanor began to wane as Mulciber pulled ahead in the game, his moves becoming more calculated and his words sharper with each passing turn.

Evan’s brow furrowed as he tried to negotiate with Mulciber for a crucial resource he needed to expand his settlement. “Come on, love, you know I need that ore. I’ll make it worth your while,” he pleaded, his voice tinged with desperation.

Mulciber’s expression remained stoic, his gaze unwavering as he considered Evan’s offer. “Sorry, but I’m not in the business of charity,” he retorted coolly. “If you want the ore, you’ll have to give me something valuable in return.”

Evan’s frustration mounted as he struggled to reason with his partner. “But I’ve been helping you out all game! Can’t you cut me some slack? We’re a team, remember?” he implored, his voice tinged with a hint of hurt.

Mulciber’s lips formed a thin line as he shook his head, unmoved by Evan’s plea. “Teams don’t win by giving handouts, Evan,” he countered sharply. “If you want to win, you’ll have to earn it like everyone else.”

Regulus, observing the exchange from across the table, exchanged a worried glance with Dorcas and Marlene. It was clear that the tension between Evan and Mulciber was reaching a breaking point.

“Hey guys, let’s not let this game ruin our night,” Regulus interjected, attempting to diffuse the mounting tension. “How about we take a break and come back to it later?”

But Evan and Mulciber were too caught up in their argument to heed his suggestion. Their voices grew louder, their words more heated, as their frustration boiled over.

“This isn’t about winning,” Evan protested, his voice tinged with frustration. “Why you’re all about winning all the time. We’re supposed to be partners, aren’t we?”

Mulciber’s expression hardened, his jaw clenched as he shot back, “Partners don’t expect special treatment. If you want to win, you’ll have to pull your weight.”

“Why are you like this?!”

Regulus watched in dismay as Mulciber stormed out of the room, the door slamming shut behind him with a resounding echo. The tension that hung in the air was suffocating, leaving everyone at the table feeling uneasy and unsettled.

Evan's shoulders slumped, his expression a mixture of frustration and disappointment.

Without a word, he stood up abruptly, his chair scraping against the floor as he pushed it back. His jaw clenched, his eyes burning with unresolved emotion as he made his way towards the hallway.

Without hesitation, Regulus rose from his seat and he followed Evan down the corridor.

As he reached Evan's room, Regulus hesitated for a moment before gently knocking on the door. "Evan, can I come in?" he called softly.

There was a moment of silence before Evan's muffled voice responded from behind the closed door. "Yeah, sure."

Regulus pushed open the door, stepping into the room with a sense of trepidation. Evan was seated on the edge of his bed, his hands clasped tightly together as he stared blankly at the floor.

Regulus approached him cautiously, taking a seat beside him on the bed. "Hey," he began softly, his voice laced with concern. "Are you okay?"

Evan shook his head, a bitter laugh escaping his lips. "I don't know, Reg," he admitted, his voice thick with emotion. "I just... I don't understand why he's always like this. It's like he doesn't even care about me."

Regulus placed a reassuring hand on Evan's shoulder, offering him a comforting squeeze. "I'm sorry, Evan," he murmured sympathetically. "I know this must be really hard for you."

Evan sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I just... I need some time alone, Reg," he said quietly, his voice wavering slightly. "I'll be okay, I just... I need to figure things out."

Regulus nodded understandingly, giving Evan's shoulder another gentle squeeze before rising to his feet. "I'll be right outside if you need anything," he promised, offering his friend a reassuring smile.

As he quietly exited Evan's room, Regulus couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness for his friend. The rift between Evan and Mulciber ran deep, and he knew that healing would take time, as if there even was a chance for healing. But for now, all he could do was offer his support and be there for Evan when he needed him most.

As the tense atmosphere settled over the living room, Dorcas and Marlene exchanged uncertain glances, their worry etched into their furrowed brows.

"Maybe we should go," Dorcas whispered, her voice tinged with concern. "It seems like Evan needs some space right now."

Marlene nodded in agreement, chewing nervously on her lip. "Yeah, you're right. We don't want to intrude if he's upset."

Before they could make a move to leave, Barty spoke up from his seat, his voice steady and calm. "No, we shouldn't," he said firmly, catching their attention.

Dorcas and Marlene turned to look at him, curiosity flickering in their eyes. "But why not?" Marlene asked, her voice soft with uncertainty.

Barty sighed, his expression thoughtful. "Because if we leave now, Evan will blame himself for ruining the game night," he explained gently. "And besides, he'll come out when he's ready. We just need to give him some time."

Dorcas and Marlene exchanged hesitant glances, weighing Barty's words carefully. With a resigned nod, they settled back into their seats.

“Can we just continue the game night?” Evan’s voice broke the silence, carrying a note of weariness as he emerged from his room after a few minutes.

“Sure,” Pandora chimed in, a smile brightening her features as she rummaged through the stack of board games. Finally, her hand landed on a weathered box tucked away at the bottom. With a triumphant grin, she pulled it out and held it up for everyone to see.

"Look what I found!" she exclaimed, excitement bubbling in her voice. "It's 'Clue,' the game we used to play when we were younger."

Evan's face lit up with recognition, a fond smile spreading across his features. "Oh, I remember that game!"

With eager anticipation, they cleared the table and set up the game. Evan’s earlier tension seemed to melt away as he settled into his seat, a relaxed smile gracing his features.

Regulus couldn’t help but notice the way Evan and Barty exchanged glances and shared smiles. Maybe they would truly be a good couple?

☆

Regulus awoke to the glow of his phone screen, illuminating the darkness of his room. Blinking away sleep, he tapped on the notification that had just arrived—an email from his favorite professor.

Dear Sir,

Along with my fellow master's students we are establishing an academic club at the Center for Research on the Creative Industry. We aim to focus on activities in the field of art and its research, and perhaps above all, dedicate ourselves to organizing various artistic events (rave, avant-garde, performative, visual, and whatever artistic souls of desire) at our University.

I am writing to you because classes with you were a pure pleasure, and perhaps you would like to get involved in our newly forming circle and the activities that we will undertake, and above all - you (under my supervision) will create.

If you’re interested, please respond promptly.

Regulus's heart raced with excitement as he read through the email. Without hesitation, he began composing a response, expressing his eagerness to participate.

He felt genuinely happy, a sense of importance washing over him. Despite being only in his first year of his bachelor's degree, he was invited to join the newly formed club. It made him feel validated, like he was enough. He could hardly believe it.

Perhaps there were positive things awaiting him in the future.

Chapter Text

Regulus was buzzing with excitement as he prepared for the first meeting of the student club. He wasn't quite sure what to expect, but he hoped it would be an opportunity to connect with like-minded peers. Not that he needed new friends, he was perfectly fine with Barty and Evan, but his mates weren't particularly interested in the creative sphere, so he was eager to find others who shared his passion.

Regulus carefully selected an outfit days in advance, determined to make a good impression. He wanted to convey professionalism and enthusiasm for the club's activities, so he settled on a smart-casual ensemble that struck the perfect balance between approachable and polished.

Regulus added small dots under his eyes with the eyeliner, a subtle yet striking touch that added an element of artistic flair to his appearance. While he didn't typically wear makeup, he felt emboldened to express himself in this creative space, where individuality was celebrated.

"I'll be out for a bit. I have a student club meeting," Regulus informed his mother before heading out.

"At LSE?" His mother's question stung, but he braced himself before replying, "No, not at LSE. Why would I join a student club there? I'm not studying there anymore."

Her silence spoke volumes, but Regulus refused to let it dampen his spirits as he left the house.

Regulus tried to focus on the excitement of this new opportunity as he made his way to the classroom reserved for the meeting. With a pep in his step, he climbed the stairs, feeling eager despite arriving a bit early. He didn't mind waiting; it gave him a chance to soak in the anticipation and prepare himself for what lay ahead.

As he approached the classroom, Regulus spotted a familiar face, and his heart sank. What was James Potter doing here? He tried to calm himself, reminding himself that James's presence didn't necessarily mean he was part of the club; perhaps he was just passing by.

"Reggie!" James called out, waving enthusiastically. That stupid nickname, likely picked up from Sirius. "Are you here for the club meeting?"

Regulus felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. This couldn't be happening.

"And what are you doing here?" Regulus asked, trying to mask his disappointment.

"Well, me and my friend Lily are the founders of the club, with Professor McGonagall, of course" James explained. "I'm really glad you'll be joining."

Regulus's heart sank even further. It was too good to be true. So, this was James’s doing. Of course, it couldn’t be a genuine recognition of his abilities; it had to be orchestrated out of pity or some other ulterior motive. Maybe Sirius asked him to do this? The realization left Regulus feeling betrayed and hurt, as if a silent stab had pierced his heart.

He struggled to maintain his composure, forcing a tight smile. “Well, that’s… unexpected,” he managed to say, his voice tinged with forced politeness. Deep down, though, he couldn’t shake the feeling of being used and manipulated.

He walked past James and decided to wait in the bathroom till the meeting started.

After ten minutes Regulus entered the classroom with a heavy heart, trying to shake off the unsettling feeling that lingered from his encounter with James. The room was already buzzing with activity as students gathered in small groups, chatting excitedly about the upcoming club activities.

He found a seat near the back of the room, feeling a sense of detachment from the enthusiastic energy around him. As the meeting began, he tried to focus on the discussion, but his mind kept drifting back to James's words and the unsettling realization that he had been pulled into this club under false pretenses.

Throughout the meeting, Regulus remained quiet, his thoughts consumed by a mix of resentment and disappointment. He couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't belong here, that he was merely a pawn in someone else's game. As the meeting drew to a close, he made a hasty exit, eager to escape the suffocating atmosphere of the room.

Outside, he took a deep breath, trying to calm the turmoil raging inside him. He knew he couldn't let James's actions define his experience at the university, but it was hard to shake off the feeling of betrayal.

“Reggie wait!”

Oh for fuck sake, what more could James possibly want from him.

Regulus paused reluctantly, turning to face James with a forced smile. "What is it, Potter?" he asked, his tone tinged with frustration.

James hesitated for a moment, his expression shifting from cheerful to concerned. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay," he said softly. "You seemed a bit... off back there."

Regulus scoffed, unable to hide his irritation. "Off? No, I'm perfectly fine," he replied curtly, his facade cracking under the weight of his emotions.

James studied him for a moment, his gaze searching Regulus's face for any sign of the truth. "Are you sure?" he pressed, his voice gentle.

Regulus clenched his jaw, his frustration bubbling to the surface. "I said I'm fine," he snapped, his tone sharper than he intended. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have places to be." With that, he turned on his heel and stormed off, leaving James standing there, his expression a mix of concern and confusion.

“Regulus, please!”

At least he finally used his name. Regulus stopped and waited for James to get to him. Regulus halted his steps and turned to face James, masking his irritation with a polite demeanor. “What can I do for you?” he asked, feigning politeness.

James stumbled over his words, his concern evident in his tone. “I-I just wanted to ask what you think of the club. I really want it to work, and I’ve been stressing out about it all week. You seemed so excited when you arrived, but then something changed, and I thought maybe I overlooked something and made you uncomfortable?”

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, Regulus replied, “I appreciate your concern, Potter. It’s just… I guess I was surprised to see you here, that’s all. I didn’t realize you were one of the founders of the club.”

James nodded, his expression earnest. “Yeah, Lily and I wanted to start something new on campus, something that brings people together and celebrates creativity. But if it makes you uncomfortable, I understand. I don’t want anyone to feel pressured to join.”

Regulus felt a twinge of guilt at James’s sincerity. “No, it’s not that,” he admitted, his tone softening. “I think the club is a great idea. It’s just… I wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.”

“Okay… Oh, shite, I just realized you were the only first year there. I’m so sorry. McGonagall said she would help us find students to join, and I didn’t think to check the list before the meeting. That’s such an omission on my part. Please forgive me, and don’t give up on the club yet.”

Regulus furrowed his brows in surprise. “You didn’t choose who to invite?”

James shook his head, looking sheepish. “No, I didn’t. We were so focused on getting everything set up that it completely slipped my mind. I should have been more organized.”

Regulus felt a wave of realization wash over him. He was a horrible person. He had been so angry and focused on himself that he immediately assumed the worst of James. Not only that, but he had also missed out on the chance to participate in the discussion during the meeting because he was so upset about something that wasn’t true.

“Are you sure everything’s fine?” James’s voice cut through Regulus’s internal turmoil, snapping him back to the present moment.

Regulus took a deep breath, trying to steady his racing heart. “Yeah, sorry,” he replied, forcing a smile. “Just had a lot on my mind.”

James studied him for a moment, his expression filled with concern. “Well, if you say so. I really hope you will join us on our next meeting. Oh and if you have any ideas, remember to submit your proposal for our club’s name.”

Regulus just nodded in response.

Regulus's thoughts churned as he made his way home. Despite James's reassurance and encouragement, he couldn't shake the feeling of unease that had settled over him. The realization that he had misjudged James, coupled with his own inner turmoil, weighed heavily on his mind.

He replayed the events of the day in his head, wondering if he had overreacted and allowed his insecurities to cloud his judgment. The prospect of joining the club had initially filled him with excitement and anticipation, but now he felt a sense of hesitancy and doubt creeping in.

As he walked, lost in thought, Regulus couldn't shake the nagging feeling that he had somehow let himself down. He longed to find the same happy place he had been in before, but it felt elusive and out of reach.

Arriving home, he quickly retreated to his room. Regulus sat at his desk, staring blankly at the blinking cursor on his laptop screen, unable to muster the motivation to work on his assignments or engage in any other activities.

He had been tasked with writing a press comment, but his thoughts felt muddled, his creativity stifled by the weight of his insecurities.

As he struggled to string together coherent sentences, Regulus couldn’t help but question every aspect of his life. Was changing universities the right decision? Would he ever find success in his chosen field? The future loomed ominously before him, clouded by uncertainty and fear.

He closed his laptop and threw himself on his bed. He wrapped his arms around himself, seeking solace in the embrace, but finding none. It was a strange sensation for him, this yearning for touch. Normally, he cherished his personal space and avoided physical contact at all costs. But in that moment, he longed to be held, to feel the warmth of another’s embrace enveloping him.

Regulus couldn’t help but ponder the last time someone had truly hugged him. The memory seemed distant, obscured by the passage of time and the weight of his burdens. A cold shiver ran down his spine as he realized that he couldn’t recall the warmth of a genuine embrace, the comforting press of arms around him.

He racked his brain, searching for any semblance of that intimate connection, but the memories remained elusive, slipping through his fingers like sand. Had it been weeks, months, or even years since he had felt the simple yet profound comfort of a hug?

Memories of Evan and Barty flitted through his mind, but try as he might, he couldn’t pinpoint a moment when they had embraced him.

Perhaps they had respected his need for space, knowing his aversion to unnecessary touch. After all, Regulus had always been clear about his boundaries. But now, in the depths of his loneliness, he couldn’t help but feel a pang of longing for that simple yet profound comfort.

Regulus closed his eyes, attempting to conjure the sensation of someone's presence beside him. He imagined strong arms enveloping him, a gentle kiss pressed to his forehead, and the reassuring sound of a heartbeat echoing in his ears. In his mind's eye, he longed to hear whispered words affirming his significance, reassuring him that he was cherished above all else.

But even as he indulged in this fantasy, a voice of reason echoed in his mind. Dorcas's words resurfaced, reminding him that love often arrives unexpectedly, when one least anticipates it. Yet despite this sage advice, Regulus couldn't help but yearn for love to find its way to him. He craved the warmth of affection and the reassurance of being truly valued.

Regulus silently pleaded for love to grace him with its presence, to fill the void that lingered within him. Though he knew he shouldn't fixate on the pursuit of love, the ache in his heart persisted, a silent plea echoing in the depths of his soul.

Because couldn’t sleep, he reached for his phone and opened the dating apps he had installed. It was a familiar routine by now, one he had repeated countless times in the hopes of finding someone who could fill the void in his heart.

As he swiped left and right, his mind wandered to the countless profiles he had come across. Each one represented a potential connection, a glimmer of hope in the darkness of his loneliness. But as the matches started to pile up, Regulus couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness that accompanied each new interaction.

Some conversations fizzled out before they even began, while others quickly devolved into shallow exchanges devoid of any real substance. And then there were the ones that seemed promising at first, only to crumble under the weight of unspoken expectations and unmet desires.

Regulus sighed, his thumb hovering over the screen as he debated whether to continue his search or give up altogether. Deep down, he knew that swiping through endless profiles wouldn't bring him any closer to finding what he truly longed for. But for now, it was the only distraction he had from the overwhelming sense of isolation that threatened to consume him.

☆

“Hi, Reggie. How’ve you been?” Sirius greeted him as they settled at a table in the cozy coffee shop.

“Don’t call me that,” Regulus replied curtly.

Sirius chuckled. “Aw, come on, I missed you. Just trying to be affectionate.”

Regulus rolled his eyes at his brother’s antics.

Regulus couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness as he thought about the strained relationship between Sirius and the whole Black family. It had been a miracle that they had managed to keep in touch at all. After Sirius's Erasmus trip to Spain, he had cut all ties with their family. It was during that trip that he had met James Potter. When they both returned to London, Sirius had moved into James's flat and never spoken to their mother again. He hadn't even returned to collect the rest of his belongings.

Regulus wasn't surprised by Sirius's actions, but it still hurt. He was left feeling alone in that house, the absence of his brother leaving a palpable void. Their mother's fury only added to the weight of the situation. She had never been fond of Sirius, but he was her firstborn, and she had held out hope that he would conform to the expectations of the Black family and provide for them. The reality of Sirius's departure shattered those hopes, leaving their mother embittered and Regulus grappling with a sense of abandonment.

Regulus didn’t want to imagine the repercussions if Mother found out he was still in contact with Sirius. The mere thought sent a shiver down his spine, knowing all too well the wrath she would unleash upon him.

Despite the risk, Regulus couldn’t bring himself to sever ties with his brother completely. There was still a part of him that longed for the bond they once shared. So, he continued to exchange occasional messages, phone calls with Sirius, or like today meeting with him, always cautious to keep their interactions discreet.

"I'm fine. The new university is okay, but you probably heard that from Potter already," Regulus said coldly.

"Why are you angry at me? What did I do?" Sirius asked, confusion clouding his expression.

"You could have told me he was a student there," Regulus replied tersely.

"First of all, I did. You just didn't want to know because it didn't affect you when you were at LSE. And secondly, why does it matter? He's a Master's student, you're a first-year Bachelor's student. You don't have any classes together. I'm still shocked you even were able to bump into him."

Regulus huffed in frustration, his brows furrowing in irritation. "It's not just about classes, Sirius. Seeing him around campus ruins the whole idea of a fresh start for me."

Sirius's expression softened with understanding. "I didn’t know that would bother you. I'm sorry. But he really likes you and means no harm.”

Regulus clenched his jaw, his gaze flickering away for a moment before meeting Sirius's eyes again. "I know."

“And how are you holding up?” Sirius asked, his tone filled with concern.

Regulus hesitated, unsure of how to answer. “I’m managing,” he replied vaguely.

“Is she hurting you?” Sirius pressed gently, his expression serious.

Regulus sighed, feeling a knot form in his stomach. “Not physically,” he admitted reluctantly.

“I don’t mean just physically, Reg.” Sirius’s voice softened, his concern evident in his eyes.

“I don’t know how to respond,” Regulus admitted, feeling a wave of uncertainty wash over him.

“Are you taking your meds?” Sirius asked quietly, his tone gentle.

Regulus nodded, his gaze dropping to the table. It was a simple question, but one that held a weight of significance.

Regulus shifted uncomfortably in his seat, feeling exposed under Sirius's scrutinizing gaze. "I'm trying," he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper.

Sirius reached across the table, resting a hand on Regulus's arm. "I know it's not easy," he said softly. "But you're doing your best, and that's all anyone can ask for."

Regulus managed a faint smile, grateful for Sirius's understanding. "Thanks," he murmured, his voice tinged with a hint of gratitude.

“Can I ask you more questions or would you like to hear something from my life?”

Regulus hesitated for a moment, contemplating Sirius's offer. Part of him wanted to open up, to unload the weight of his worries onto someone who seemed willing to listen. But another part of him feared the vulnerability that came with sharing his innermost thoughts and struggles.

"I think I'd rather hear about your life," Regulus replied after a moment, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "It might be a nice distraction."

"Sooo, I met this guy," Sirius said with a wide grin. "You're going to love him, he's a book nerd like you. And he's sooo beautiful."

Regulus arched an eyebrow. "How did you two meet?"

Sirius hesitated, a faint blush creeping onto his cheeks. "Um..."

Regulus smirked. "Do I want to know?"

"You probably do," Sirius admitted with a chuckle. "You'll have more material to make fun of me."

“Then proceed.”

“Well, you know I started pole dance lessons,” Sirius began.

“I know. You send me pictures. I no longer open messages from you in public,” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Rude. It’s a sport,” Sirius defended.

“Yeah, but you’re adding suggestive captions and emojis,” Regulus retorted.

Sirius just grinned mischievously. “So, James and I were out drinking, and I decided to show off one of my pole dance moves. I attempted it on a street sign. Let’s just say, it didn’t go as planned.”

Regulus facepalmed himself.

“So, James was convinced I had a concussion, and he dragged me to the hospital. And wouldn’t you know it, the nurse taking care of me was drop-dead gorgeous. So, of course, I asked him out. He laughed in my face at first, but after ten attempts, he finally agreed.”

"So you harassed this poor man so he would go on a date with you?" Regulus said, shaking his head.

Sirius chuckled, nodding sheepishly. “Yeah, pretty much. But hey, it worked, didn’t it?”

Regulus couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, I hope the date goes well for you.”

“I will text you all the details.” Sirius smiled.

“Please, just the highlights. I don't need a play-by-play."

Sirius rolled his eyes playfully. "Fine, fine. I'll spare you the gory details."

Regulus smirked. "Much appreciated."

“Did James mention me to you?” Regulus asked after a pause.

“No… Why do you ask?” Sirius replied, intrigued.

“It’s just... I think we'll both be in the same academic club,” Regulus confessed, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Oh, that’s great news! But are you okay with that?” Sirius inquired, concern flickering in his eyes.

Regulus shrugged, unable to hide the unease in his expression. "I guess I'll have to be. It's not like I have much of a choice."

Sirius reached out and placed a reassuring hand on Regulus's shoulder. "Just try to focus on the positives. Maybe it'll be a chance for you two to get along better."

Regulus offered a weak smile in response, though the idea seemed far-fetched to him.

Chapter Text

Regulus was thinking all day about a name for the academic club. He really wanted to be a part of this group, even though it was James’s.

Regulus mustered up the courage to reach out to James, expressing his desire to remain a part of the club. He hesitated before sending the message, his thumb hovering over the send button. After a moment of contemplation, he finally pressed it, sending the text.

Regulus anxiously awaited James's response, his fingers tapping nervously against his phone screen. After what felt like an eternity, a reply finally came through.

Of course, Reggie! We'd love to have you there. Looking forward to seeing you at the meeting. Did you thought about a name for our club?

Although he cursed James for using that nickname again, relief washed over him as he read the message, grateful for the opportunity to still be involved in the club despite the awkward situation with James.

He smiled as he typed out his response, relieved to have found a suitable name for the club.

I did. Creativa. I know your mother is Spanish, the word is connected to creativity, and it’s feminine. I remember Lily saying she wants to focus on women in art in some of the club activities. Plus, I just like the sound of the word.

Just moments after hitting send, James's enthusiastic response flooded Regulus's screen.

OMG I LOVE IT! I’m sending it to Lily!

A rush of excitement coursed through Regulus as he read James's message. He knew he had to share the news with Barty.

“Hello pretty boy, you look cheerful.” Barty greeted with a warm smile as he answered the call.

“I think something good happened,” Regulus responded.

“Evan and Mulcibler broke up?” Barty asked, half-jokingly.

"In my life, Barty," Regulus replied with a playful eye roll.

“Okay okay. So spill it,” Barty urged.

“So I joined a new academic club. I didn’t tell because I didn’t want to jinx it but I just sent Potter the idea of a name for the club and he really liked it.” Regulus said in one breath.

“Wait. Potter? As in James Potter, your brother’s best friend? I thought you try to avoid this guy like he’s fire,” Barty remarked, surprised by the news.

Regulus nodded. “Yeah, that James Potter. But things change, I guess. Plus, it’s for the club, not for personal reasons.”

Barty raised an eyebrow. “Hmm, interesting. Well, congrats, I guess. It sounds like a big deal for you.”

Regulus smiled. “Thanks, Barty. Yeah, it feels like a step in the right direction.”

Barty shifted the conversation. “I think Mulcibler might actually hate me.”

“Well, you do have a bit of a crush on his boyfriend,” Regulus shrugged. “I’d hate you too if I were him.”

Barty chuckled. “He hasn’t caught on yet. At least not officially. But he gives me these death stares every time we cross paths.”

Regulus smirked. “Guess he’s not a fan of competition.”

Barty grinned. "Yeah, but I'm not backing down that easily."

Regulus rolled his eyes playfully. "I wouldn't expect anything less from you."

☆

Regulus returned from the club meeting with a sense of triumph. The positive reception to his idea for the club's name, resulting in the official establishment of Creativa, filled him with pride.

“I think this academic club will be a good place for me,” he announced to his mother upon entering the house, hoping for her approval.

But her response was underwhelming, a muttered remark barely audible.

“Can you try and be more enthusiastic?” Regulus pleaded, seeking validation.

“That’s great,” Walburga replied, her tone dripping with sarcasm.

Regulus felt a wave of disappointment wash over him. "It would be nice if it was honest," he murmured, feeling deflated.

“You want honesty or do you want enthusiasm hmm?” his mother retorted coldly, her words stinging with indifference.

Regulus sighed, realizing he wouldn’t find the support he craved from his mother. With a heavy heart, he retreated to his room, the weight of her words lingering in his mind. Despite his success at the club meeting, the lack of validation at home left him feeling unsettled.

☆

Regulus felt the weight of his mental health struggles bearing down on him as each day passed. The persistent headaches and loss of appetite were unwelcome companions, overshadowing even the simplest of daily tasks. Despite his efforts to muster enthusiasm for his brother’s date, he found himself unable to shake the pervasive sense of emptiness that seemed to cloud his every interaction.

As his psychiatrist appointment loomed on the horizon, Regulus clung to the hope that it would offer some relief from the relentless storm raging within him. Yet, the prospect of having to ask his mother for financial assistance added another layer of stress to an already heavy burden. The thought of confronting her about his need for medication filled him with a sense of dread, knowing all too well the difficulty of such conversations with her.

Regulus felt a knot tighten in his stomach as he braced himself for the inevitable confrontation with his mother. Joining her in the sitting room, he gathered the courage to broach the subject.

“Mother, I have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow,” Regulus began tentatively.

“And you want money?” Walburga’s response was blunt, her tone laced with thinly veiled annoyance.

“Yes,” Regulus admitted, his voice tinged with guilt.

“When are you going to stop taking these pills?” His mother’s question cut through him like a knife.

“I don’t know, Mother,” Regulus replied, his voice betraying his inner turmoil.

“Because they are clearly not helping, you’re still like this,” she continued, her words stinging with accusation. “And the only thing that’s changing is me having less money.”

“I’m sorry, Mother,” Regulus murmured, his voice barely audible.

“Your sorry clearly isn’t helping,” she retorted, rolling her eyes. “Be useful for something and wash the dishes.”

Regulus obediently rose from his seat and made his way to the kitchen, hoping to find solace in the mundane task. Unfortunately, his mother followed him, her imposing presence looming over him like a dark cloud.

“Does your psychiatrist tell you that feeling stressed is normal? People need stress to function,” she lectured, her tone dripping with disdain.

“It’s hard when it’s overwhelming you,” Regulus admitted quietly, tucking his sleeves as he began to wash the dishes.

“You’re just too sensitive. This is the real world, there is no pill for that—” Suddenly, she stopped and grabbed his arm, her grip firm and unyielding.

Regulus flinched at her touch, his heart racing as he realized that she had seen the cuts on his arm. He braced himself for her reaction, unsure of what was to come.

Walburga glanced down at his hand and then back at him, her expression inscrutable. “I thought you were supposed to cut the other way,” she remarked coldly before abruptly dropping his hand and walking away.

Regulus stood frozen in disbelief, the sting of her words cutting deeper than any physical wound. How could anyone say something so cruel, especially a mother to her own son?

As he stared at the dishes in front of him, his mind raced with a whirlwind of emotions. Anger, hurt, confusion—all tangled together in a knot of despair. He wanted to scream, to lash out, to demand an explanation. But he knew it would be futile. His mother was as unyielding as stone, her heart encased in ice.

With trembling hands, he resumed washing the dishes, his movements mechanical as he tried to push aside the turmoil raging within him. But the thoughts persisted, gnawing at the edges of his consciousness like ravenous beasts hungry for his sanity.

Maybe he should have cut the other way, maybe he should have cut deeper, he thought bitterly, his mind descending into a dark abyss of self-loathing and despair. The scars on his skin felt like a testament to his inadequacy, a visible reminder of his failure to escape the suffocating grip of his own mind.

Death seemed like a tempting escape, a way to silence the relentless chorus of doubts and fears that haunted him day and night. If he were gone, he reasoned, he would no longer be a burden to his mother, no longer an obstacle in her pursuit of perfection.

☆

“Are you having suicidal thoughts?”

The psychiatrist’s question hung heavy in the air, stirring a whirlwind of conflicting emotions within Regulus. He grappled with the weight of his response, uncertain of how much to reveal.

“I don’t think so,” he began tentatively, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t have a plan or anything like that. I’m not actively seeking to end my life.”

The psychiatrist’s probing gaze urged him to delve deeper, to confront the shadows lurking within his mind. “But?” they prompted gently, coaxing him to unearth the buried truths beneath his facade of composure.

“Why does there always have to be a ‘but’?” he murmured, more to himself than to the psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist regarded him with a gentle yet probing gaze, waiting patiently for Regulus to continue.

Regulus sighed, frustration simmering beneath the surface of his calm exterior. “But… I can’t deny that the thought crosses my mind sometimes,” he admitted reluctantly. “It’s like a whisper in the back of my mind, a dark temptation that I can’t seem to shake.”

He felt a pang of guilt at his own admission, as if confessing his darkest thoughts made them more real, more tangible. But he knew he couldn’t keep pretending that everything was fine, not when the darkness threatened to consume him from within.

As the psychiatrist wrote out his prescription, their gaze softened with concern as they addressed him. "I'm increasing your dose, Regulus," they said gently, "but I highly recommend that you start therapy. There's only so much I can do, and I believe therapy will provide you with the support and guidance you need."

Regulus nodded, acknowledging the psychiatrist's advice, yet a sense of apprehension gnawed at him. The thought of therapy was daunting, not only because of the emotional vulnerability it would entail but also because of the financial strain it would place on him.

He knew his psychiatrist was probably right, but the prospect of asking his mother for more money filled him with a sense of dread. Their conversations about his mental health had always been fraught with tension and misunderstanding, and he couldn't bear the thought of another confrontation.

☆

After leaving the psychiatrist's office, Regulus immediately texted Barty. Unsure of what he needed, he simply wanted reassurance that someone was there for him.

After a few minutes, Barty replied.

I don't fully understand your problems and I don't know if I ever will, but I want you to know that if you want something from me to help you, I will do it.

Regulus felt a wave of relief wash over him as he read Barty's message. Despite not fully comprehending his struggles, Barty's willingness to support him meant the world.

With a grateful sigh, Regulus replied.

Thank you. That means more to me than you know.

Chapter Text

The first activity at Creativa was organizing a small movie screening. The film was made by one of the students, and Lily thought it would be good practice before they tackled anything bigger. Regulus had kept quiet during the planning, but when the topic of flyers came up, he offered to design them. The task felt safe. Contributing, but without drawing too much attention, and nothing too important if he messed up.

When Mary, the film’s director, saw the finished designs, her face lit up. “They’re amazing! Could you hold them so I can take a picture for my Instagram?” she asked, clapping her hands together in delight.

Regulus hesitated, then forced a small smile. He wasn’t used to his work being noticed, let alone praised. “Sure,” he said, holding up the flyers. The compliment sat heavy in his chest, uncomfortable and unfamiliar. After a pause, he murmured, almost as if testing the words, “Maybe Creativa should have an Instagram too.” It was a passing thought, really—something said to fill the space.

But Mary’s smile widened, bright and easy. “That’s a great idea. You should bring it up at the next meeting.”

Regulus watched Mary walk away, a strange mix of admiration and unease curling in his chest. It wasn’t that he was intimidated—at least, not exactly—but there was something about the way she carried herself that left him momentarily off-balance. She moved with ease, as if the world opened up just enough to let her pass, her energy filling the room without effort.

He wasn’t drawn to her in any romantic sense. It wasn’t about that. It was about the way she seemed so certain, so sure of her place, like she didn’t have to think twice about being seen or heard. Regulus stood there, skin prickling with warmth.

He envied her. The way she didn’t seem to question her own presence. The way she belonged.

He wondered what it would be like to move through the world the way Mary did. Effortless. Certain. Unafraid.

But he wasn’t her. So he stood still, watching her fade into the distance, the thought lingering heavier than he wanted to admit.

☆

As the evening of the projection approached, Regulus arrived at the rented venue where most of the Creativa members were already gathered. He pitched in by arranging the chairs, ensuring everything was set up for the event.

However, as the starting hour drew nearer, James was conspicuously absent. Regulus wouldn't have noticed if it weren't for the fact that James and Lily were supposed to open the projection together, and Lily was visibly stressed about his absence.

Just then, Regulus received a text from James. It read: "Could you come to the bathroom asap?" Curious and a bit concerned, Regulus made his way to the bathroom to see what James needed.

As he opened the bathroom door, he was greeted by a sight that nearly made him burst out laughing. James stood there, both hands tangled up in a tie, looking at him with doe-eyed desperation.

"Save me, please," James pleaded, his expression a mix of frustration and helplessness.

Regulus couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight before him. “Hold still,” he said, stepping closer to James. With deft fingers, he began untangling the tie, working quickly but carefully to free James from his predicament.

James let out a relieved sigh as the tie finally came loose. “Can you help me tie it properly?”

Regulus smirked, but expertly adjusted the tie around his neck. He worked quickly, his fingers moving with practiced ease as he neatly secured the knot.

“There you go,” Regulus said, stepping back to admire his handiwork.

He felt James's arms wrap around him in a tight hug, and for a moment, he was taken aback by the warmth and sincerity in the gesture. Despite his initial impulse to push away, Regulus found himself melting into James's embrace, drowning in a comforting scent of his cologne.

As they pulled away, Regulus quickly regained his composure, a faint flush lingering on his cheeks. "You're welcome, Potter," he replied, masking any hint of vulnerability with a composed tone. "Glad I could help out."

With a nod of gratitude, James headed back to the main hall, leaving Regulus to reflect on the unexpected warmth of the moment and the conflicting emotions it stirred within him.

Regulus returned to the main hall, his mind still lingering on the brief encounter with James in the bathroom. As he took his seat among the other Creativa members, he couldn't shake off the sense of unease that had settled in the pit of his stomach.

The projection began, and Regulus tried to focus on the film playing on the screen, but his thoughts kept drifting back to James. He wondered if their interaction meant more than just a simple thank you, or if he was reading too much into it.

As the film went on, Regulus found himself stealing glances at James whenever he thought no one was looking, trying to decipher the emotions flickering across his face. But James seemed to be engrossed in the movie, his expression unreadable.

Regulus sighed inwardly, realizing that he was overthinking things once again. He needed to focus on the event and supporting Mary and other Creativa members, rather than getting lost in his own thoughts. With that resolution in mind, he turned his attention back to the screen, determined to enjoy the rest of the evening.

As the movie unfolded, Regulus found himself captivated by its powerful message about body positivity. However, a strange sensation crept over him as he watched. Despite being just one of the audience members, he couldn't shake the feeling of being exposed and vulnerable.

His thoughts began to spiral, and he became acutely aware of his own body in a way he hadn't before. What had once been a mere existence now felt scrutinized under the lens of the film's themes. Each scene seemed to magnify his insecurities, highlighting flaws he hadn't even realized he had.

Regulus shifted uncomfortably in his seat, trying to shrink into himself as if to escape the harsh spotlight that the movie had unwittingly cast upon him. It was a disconcerting experience, one that left him feeling raw and exposed long after the credits rolled.

During the break before the Q&A session with Mary, Regulus stepped outside for a smoke. He settled onto a bench, craving the nicotine to calm his mind.

“Can I join you?” A voice broke through his reverie, and he turned to see Lily standing before him.

Regulus hesitated for a moment before nodding. “Sure, go ahead,” he replied, gesturing to the empty space beside him.

They sat in silence for a moment, the only sound the faint hum of the city beyond.

"Is everything okay?" Lily finally asked, her concern evident in her voice. "Or rather, what’s wrong? Because I can tell something isn't right."

Regulus sighed, realizing there was no point in hiding his feelings. "I think there's something wrong with me," he admitted. "Mary’s movie was beautiful, and it had such a strong message, but I somehow feel awful."

"I get that," Lily responded softly, her eyes reflecting understanding.

Regulus turned to her, surprised. "You do?"

Lily nodded, a faint smile playing on her lips. "Yeah. I try to advocate for body positivity, but sometimes I feel like everyone is beautiful except for myself. I see this powerful message, which I absolutely believe in, but then I look at myself, and I’m no longer able to apply it. Is that similar to what you’re going through now?"

Regulus nodded, relieved to find someone who understood his struggle. "Exactly," he said, a weight lifting off his shoulders as he spoke. "It's like I'm torn between believing in the message and feeling like I don't measure up to it myself."

Lily placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You're not alone in feeling that way," she reassured him.

Regulus nodded, grateful for Lily's understanding and support. "Thanks," he said softly.

Lily's smile was kind as she spoke, her words carrying a gentle reassurance. "And I know it’s sometimes hard to hear it, but you are beautiful."

Regulus tried to accept her compliment, but his hesitation must have been evident, prompting Lily to chuckle softly. "I've never seen anyone react so skeptically to a compliment before."

“Sorry.” Regulus muttered.

Lily waved off his apology with a warm smile. "No need to apologize. Just know that I mean it sincerely. Beauty comes in many forms, including yours."

☆

At the next Creativa meeting, Mary took the seat beside Regulus, curiosity shining in her eyes. “Hey, Regulus. I have a question for you.”.

Regulus glanced at her, cautious but attentive. “What is it?”

Mary’s smile widened. “The flyers you made for my film were amazing. I showed them to my family, and my uncle was really impressed. He’s opening a restaurant soon, and he needs someone to design the menu and maybe some business cards. Would you be interested? It would be a paid job, of course.”

Regulus froze, his heart quickening. “Oh. I—” He stumbled over his words, trying to catch up with the offer. “I mean… I’ve never done anything like that for money. Are you sure? He really wants me to do it?”

Mary chuckled softly. “Of course. Your work speaks for itself. Why wouldn’t he?”

Regulus hesitated, “I… I don’t know. But thank you. Really.”

“I’ll text you the details, and my uncle will probably email you,” Mary said, her excitement undimmed. “No pressure. You can work at your own pace.”

“Thanks, Mary. I appreciate it.”

The idea of extra income sparked something inside him—maybe he could finally buy those books he’d been eyeing, or replace some worn-out clothes. But a deeper thought crept in, one he tried not to dwell on. With some money, he could afford therapy. Maybe not much, but enough for a session or two. It wasn’t what he wanted to spend it on, but the need had been weighing on him for weeks.

He wrestled with the thought, torn between reluctance and necessity. He hated the idea of spending the money that way, but ignoring the problem wasn’t helping. Maybe this was his chance to do something about it. Maybe it would be worth it.

When Regulus finally sat down to work, he poured himself into the designs. Every detail mattered. The sleepless nights were exhausting, but when he finished, pride settled in his chest. He’d done it.

Getting paid was surreal. The validation felt strange but good—proof that his work had value. It wasn’t like his usual paychecks, from his retail job. This felt personal, like proof that he could do something he cared about and be rewarded for it.

But when the project ended, a heavy stillness settled over him. Without the project to keep him busy, he felt aimless. Therapy still loomed in the back of his mind, but the idea of facing it made his chest tighten. He wasn’t sure if he was ready.

He kept going to Creativa meetings, finding some comfort in the familiar faces and shared creativity. It helped, but it wasn’t enough. Deep down, Regulus knew he couldn’t keep avoiding therapy. Not if he wanted things to change.

☆

“I broke up with him.” Regulus heard Evan’s voice through the phone.

“Oh shit. How are you feeling?” Regulus asked.

Evan let out a heavy sigh, the sound muffled through the phone. “Honestly, it’s a bit surreal. Like, I knew it was coming, but actually going through with it… It’s a whole different feeling.”

Regulus nodded empathetically, even though Evan couldn’t see him. “Yeah, I can imagine. It’s a big step, but sometimes necessary for your own well-being.”

There was a brief pause on the other end of the line before Evan spoke again, his voice tinged with a hint of uncertainty. “Yeah, I guess so. I just… I don’t know what comes next, you know?”

Regulus felt a pang of empathy for his friend. "I get that. It's like stepping into the unknown," he acknowledged, trying to offer some reassurance. “But I told you, there is love waiting for you there. You just need to let it be seen.”

”Thank you. You’ve got that therapy appointment tomorrow, right?”

”Yeah…”

”Good luck.”

☆ ☆

Regulus stood in the middle of London, rain pelting down around him, mirroring the storm of emotions raging within. How could everything have gone so wrong?

He had thought he had done enough research about the therapist. Despite opting for someone more affordable, he had believed they would still provide quality care. But once again, he had been mistaken.

The therapist’s office had been sterile and impersonal, devoid of any warmth or comfort. Regulus's heart pounded in his chest as he sat in there, his palms slick with sweat. This was his chance, his lifeline in a sea of darkness, and yet, with each passing moment, it slipped further and further away.

As he poured out his deepest fears and anxieties, his voice cracked with emotion, tears welling up in his eyes. But the therapist seemed unmoved, her expression icy and indifferent. Regulus's desperation turned to panic as he realized that she wasn't listening, that his words were falling on deaf ears.

With each dismissive glance at the clock, Regulus's hope began to wither, replaced by a gnawing sense of helplessness. He was drowning in his own pain, suffocating beneath the weight of his struggles, and there was no one to save him.

When the session finally came to an end, Regulus felt a surge of despair wash over him. It was as if he had been abandoned, cast aside like yesterday's trash. He had pinned all his hopes on this one session, this one chance to find solace and support, and now it had all been for nothing.

As he handed over his hard-earned money, Regulus couldn't help but feel a sense of betrayal. He had trusted this therapist to help him, to guide him through the darkness, and she had failed him miserably. He felt like a lost soul adrift in a sea of indifference, with no one to hear his cries for help.

As he stumbled out of the therapist's office, Regulus felt as though he had hit rock bottom. He was trapped in a never-ending cycle of pain and despair, with no way out in sight. The world seemed cold and cruel, and he was powerless to change it.

Regulus's heart ached with a profound sense of loss as he trudged through the crowded streets, his footsteps heavy with defeat. He had lost his chance at finding a good therapist, and with it, any hope of escaping the darkness that threatened to consume him.

Regulus’s hands trembled as he dialed Barty’s number. With each unanswered ring, his anxiety mounted, until finally, the call went to voicemail. He tried again, and again, but each time, there was no answer.

Frustration boiled within him as he sent a pleading text message, his words a desperate plea for support.

Please, Barty, pick up. I really need you.

He typed, his heart pounding in his chest as he awaited a response.

When the reply finally came, it was like a punch to the gut.

Sorry, busy.

He felt a surge of frustration and anger rising within him. How could Barty be too busy for him when he needed him the most?

Desperation clawed at Regulus’s chest as he fought to keep his emotions in check. He needed someone to talk to, someone to lean on, and Barty was supposed to be that person. But now, when he needed him the most, Barty was nowhere to be found.

Regulus’s hands shook as he clenched his phone tightly, his mind racing with a thousand thoughts and fears. He felt abandoned and alone.

He felt a surge of desperation as he struggled to compose himself amidst the torrent of tears streaming down his cheeks, mingling with the cold raindrops pelting his skin. With trembling hands, he dialed his brother’s number, his heart pounding in his chest.

Sirius answered almost immediately, his voice thick with concern as he sensed the distress in Regulus’s tone. “Reggie, are you okay?” he asked, his words laced with worry.

Regulus tried to speak, but all that emerged was a strangled sob, his throat constricted by the weight of his emotions.

“Yeah, just… can you please get me?” Regulus managed to choke out, his voice trembling with raw emotion.

“Yes, sure,” Sirius replied, his tone firm and reassuring. There was a brief pause, indicating that Sirius was likely checking Regulus’s location. “Shit, you’re a bit far away, but don’t worry, I’ll figure something out. Just… Just wait there, please!”

Regulus sat on the curb, his head bowed low as he folded his arms around his knees. He felt utterly drained, devoid of any energy to do anything else. The rain continued to pour down, drenching him to the bone, but he remained unmoved, indifferent to the cold droplets that soaked through his clothes.

Regulus closed his eyes, the sound of the rain drowning out his thoughts as he drifted in and out of consciousness. When he felt strong arms lifting him, he initially assumed it was Sirius coming to his rescue. But as he gradually regained awareness, he realized that Sirius wouldn't be able to lift him so effortlessly. Opening his eyes, he found himself cradled in James's arms.

In his weakened state, Regulus should have felt embarrassed or uncomfortable, but he was too exhausted to care. Surrendering to the warmth and support of James's embrace, he allowed himself to be carried away from the cold, harsh reality.

James gently settled Regulus into the car, speaking in a soothing tone. “Sirius is on the other side of town, heading to our flat. He asked me to get you so we could meet him halfway. I hope that’s alright. Is there anything you need from me right now, love?”

Regulus shook his head weakly, his eyes still closed as tears continued to stream down his cheeks. He focused on his breathing, trying to calm the storm of emotions raging inside him. Throughout the ride, James whispered words of reassurance, but Regulus couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom enveloping him. Despite James’s comforting presence, he couldn’t bring himself to believe that everything would be okay.

James assisted Regulus as they stepped out of the car and made their way to James and Sirius's flat. It’s been a long time since Regulus was here. As they entered the familiar surroundings of the flat, Regulus sank into the couch. James wrapped a blanket around him and went to get him a towel from the bathroom.

“Sirius will be here soon. Do you want me to wait with you, or would you prefer some time alone?” James inquired gently.

Regulus hesitated, unsure of what he needed in that moment. He had already exposed his vulnerability in front of James, and the thought of facing him further intensified his discomfort.

“I-I don’t know,” Regulus murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. He felt a wave of shame wash over him at his own indecision.

James nodded understandingly. "That's okay. I'll stay with you until Sirius gets here, then I can give you some space if you need it."

Regulus nodded weakly in response. He wrapped the blanket tighter around himself and looked at James who settled on the other edge of the couch.

“Can you forget about this?” Regulus asked after a while.

James looked at Regulus with concern, his brows furrowing slightly. "Forget about what, love?"

Regulus swallowed hard, feeling the weight of his vulnerability. "Forget that you saw me like this. I-I don't want you to think I'm weak or... or broken."

James reached out and gently placed a hand on Regulus's shoulder. "Regulus, you're not weak. You're going through a tough time, and it's okay to lean on others for support. You don't have to pretend to be strong all the time."

Regulus felt a wave of relief wash over him at James's words. Despite his initial reservations, he found himself opening up to James in a way he hadn't expected.

A few minutes later, the door burst open, and Sirius hurried into the flat, shedding his shoes in haste before rushing to Regulus's side. James offered an encouraging smile before quietly exiting the room, giving them privacy.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I got here as fast as I could," Sirius apologized, crouching down in front of Regulus and gazing at him with earnest concern.

Regulus looked up at Sirius, feeling a mix of relief and exhaustion. "It's okay," he managed to say, his voice barely above a whisper.

Sirius reached out and gently squeezed Regulus's shoulder. "I'm here now. What happened? Are you okay?"

Regulus shook his head slightly, feeling drained both physically and emotionally.

Sirius frowned. “Can you tell me what happened?”

Regulus took a deep breath, his mind swirling with a jumble of thoughts and emotions. “It’s been… a lot,” he began, his voice strained with the weight of his words. “After my psychiatrist recommended therapy, I knew I needed to do it. But… I didn’t want to tell Mother. I didn’t want to ask her for money, and… I didn’t want her to know about… all of this.” He gestured vaguely, unable to articulate the depth of his struggles.

“So when I got that commission for the art project, I thought… maybe I could use the money for therapy,” he continued, his words tumbling out in a rush. “It seemed like a solution, you know? But… it didn’t go well. The therapist… she didn’t understand. And now… I just feel worse. I don’t know what to do.”

Sirius listened attentively, his brow furrowed with concern as Regulus poured out his troubles. “I’m so sorry, Reggie,” he said softly, his voice tinged with sympathy. “I wish I could take all of this away for you.”

Regulus nodded, feeling the weight of Sirius’s words. “I know,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “I just… I don’t know what to do now. I thought therapy would help, but it only made things worse.”

Sirius nodded sympathetically. “It’s not uncommon to go through a few therapists before finding the right one,” he reassured Regulus. “It’s all about finding someone who truly understands you and can help you work through your struggles.”

Regulus felt a knot tighten in his stomach as he mulled over his financial situation. The idea of spending money on therapy sessions that might not even be effective weighed heavily on him. He could eat less and stop buying clothes, but he knew deep down that it wouldn’t be enough to cover the cost of therapy in the long run.

He considered drastic measures, like dropping out of school to save on tuition fees, but the thought of giving up on his education, the one thing that brought him joy and purpose, felt like a betrayal of himself. Studying and Creativa were the only things that made him feel alive lately.

Regulus shook his head, feeling overwhelmed. He had hoped that therapy would provide him with some relief, some sense of clarity, but instead, it only seemed to exacerbate his stress and uncertainty. How could he justify spending money on something that wasn’t guaranteed to help him?

"Reggie, stop thinking for a second, you're shaking," Sirius said, his voice soft and soothing as he reached out to gently stroke Regulus's cheek.

“I don’t want to ask Mother for more money,” Regulus whispered. “And I don’t think I’ll be able to afford this, looking for the right therapist.”

Sirius sighed, his expression filled with concern. “Reggie, you don’t have to do this alone. We can figure something out together. And don’t worry about the money. We’ll find a way to make it work.”

“You are not paying for my therapy.” Regulus straightened himself and said firmly.

“But you said-” Sirius began.

“No, Sirius. It’s not happening. You’ve got your own bills to worry about,” Regulus interrupted.

“But Reggie, you’re my baby brother,” Sirius protested, his voice tinged with frustration.

“I’m not a baby, Sirius.” Regulus muttered.

His brother looked at him for a second. “I know you're not a baby,” Sirius said gently, his tone softening. “But you’re still my brother, and I want to help you.”

Regulus sighed. “Then give me an idea, and before you say anything, paying for my therapy is not an option.”

Sirius paused, considering his words carefully. “What if I cover the costs of your therapy appointments until you find the right therapist?“

Regulus blinked, surprised by Sirius’s suggestion. “But that’s…” he trailed off, unsure how to respond.

“It’s just a temporary solution,” Sirius explained. “You won’t have to worry about the financial burden while you’re searching for the right therapist. And once you find one, you can take over the payments.”

“I’ll need some time to think about it.” Regulus said slowly.

Sirius nodded earnestly. "I know it's not a perfect solution, but it's a start. We'll figure out the rest as we go along."

Regulus mulled over the offer, weighing the pros and cons in his mind. On one hand, it would provide him with immediate relief from the financial strain of therapy. On the other hand, he couldn't shake the feeling of guilt at the thought of his brother shouldering the financial burden.

After a moment of contemplation, Regulus nodded. "Okay, let's do it. But only until I find the right therapist."

Sirius's face lit up with a relieved smile. "Deal."

☆

After a while, James poked his head through the door. “Can I come in? I’m bored.”

Sirius looked at Regulus, who was feeling more relaxed, and nodded in agreement.

James grinned as he entered the room, taking a seat beside them.

“It’s getting late, I should probably get going,” Regulus sighed, glancing at the clock.

“Text mother that you’re staying at Evan’s or something if you don’t want to go,” Sirius suggested.

Regulus looked puzzled. “I can stay the night? Wait, but you don’t have a guest room.”

“You can sleep with me in my bed,” Sirius offered casually. “Or I can crash with James, and you can take my bed.”

“Or you can sleep with me,” James added with a playful smirk, causing Regulus to blush.

Sirius shot James a pointed glare. “No way. You’re not deflowering my baby brother.”

Regulus grimaced. “Ew. Don’t ever use that word again,” he said, wrinkling his nose in distaste.

“But you’re just my sweet little boy-“ Sirius tried to pinch Regulus’s cheek but was hit with his feet in a face.

Regulus recoiled, his expression a mix of horror and indignation. "Stop it, Sirius! I'm not a little boy!"

Sirius chuckled, rubbing his nose where Regulus's foot had made contact. "Alright, alright, no pinching cheeks. Got it."

Regulus shot him a stern look before turning to James with a sheepish grin. "Sorry you had to witness that."

James laughed, shaking his head. "No worries. You two are quite cute."

Regulus huffed and rolled his eyes.

☆

Hours later, as he drifted into sleep, Regulus heard his brother entering the bedroom. At first, he assumed Sirius had forgotten something, but then he felt his brother’s presence draw closer.

“I love you, kiddo. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you,” Sirius whispered, his voice laced with emotion as he gently stroked Regulus’s hair. “I’m so proud of you.”

Chapter Text

When Regulus returned home the next day, he devoted the entire day to studying for his exams. James had reminded him about the possibility of applying for a scholarship, which, although it wouldn’t provide a substantial amount of money, would certainly help alleviate some financial strain.

He also found himself deep in contemplation about his continued participation in Creativa. At the latest gathering, Lily elaborated on the club's plans for better organization in the forthcoming year. She disclosed that the primary project would be selected during the summer break. Every member was encouraged to contribute by submitting project proposals, which would later be presented to the entire group via Zoom. Each proposer would articulate their plans, objectives, requirements, and concepts, culminating in a club-wide vote to decide on the projects for the approaching year. The individuals whose ideas garnered the most votes would then serve as coordinators for the selected projects.

The prospect of contributing his own ideas filled Regulus with a mixture of excitement and nervousness. While he relished the opportunity to propose something meaningful to the club, he couldn't shake the feeling of uncertainty about how his ideas would be received. Nevertheless, he resolved to put forth his best efforts and channel his creative energy into crafting a compelling project proposal. After all, Creativa had become a sanctuary of sorts for him, a place where he could express himself freely and contribute to something greater than himself.

After hours of intense studying, Regulus finally allowed himself a moment of respite and settled onto his bed, reaching for his phone. Perhaps Barty had reached out to check up on him?

As he checked his phone, a message from Evan popped up.

I’ve got some secret information.

Attached was a selfie of Barty and Evan cuddling shirtless.

Regulus's smile faded as he stared at the photo, a pang of loneliness washing over him. He couldn't shake the feeling of being left out, despite his efforts to be happy for his friends.

Regulus hesitated, his fingers hovering over the keyboard. He knew he should respond somehow, offer his congratulations or a joke to lighten the mood. After all, he had played a part in helping them get together. But why was he feeling so bad suddenly?

I'm processing this

He typed out and sent to Evan, feeling a mix of emotions swirling within him.

Let me know when you processed it

Evan responded.

Is my answer significant?

Regulus asked, trying to gauge Evan's intentions. He didn't want to come off as rude, but the weight on his chest was becoming unbearable.

I was just curious about your reaction, or something

Evan quickly responded.

I'm talking to both of you. I'm the last person who would be surprised.

Regulus typed back.

Evan took a moment before responding.

Fair enough, I just wanted to share some good news with you, but I understand if you need time to process it.

Regulus put his phone down, trying to make sense of his own feelings. He couldn't deny a twinge of jealousy, but beneath that was a deeper sense of insecurity. He feared being left out, left behind by his closest friends as they ventured into new territories of their relationship. Yet, he also knew he couldn't stand in their way.

Regulus couldn't shake off the sinking feeling in his chest. Barty didn't call that evening, nor the next day. It felt like his worst fears were coming true—that Barty no longer considered him the first person to share good news with.

But maybe Barty thought the message from Evan was enough? Regulus knew it wasn't what was happening, but he desperately clung to any other thought than the worst possible outcome.

☆

A week later, Evan invited him over for drinks, but as Regulus made his way to Evan's flat, he couldn't shake off the feeling that something bad was going to happen. They were still best friends, so why was he feeling so stressed?

Upon arriving, he was met with Evan and Barty locked in a passionate embrace on the couch. Regulus felt a pang of discomfort wash over him as he stood in the doorway, unsure of how to react to the scene before him, so he quickly averted his gaze. Despite his best efforts to suppress it, a sense of unease gnawed at him. They were still best friends, he reminded himself, but something about the sight of Evan and Barty kissing stirred up feelings he couldn't quite articulate.

"Am I interrupting?" he asked, trying to mask his unease.

"Oh, no, sorry," Evan responded, disentangling himself from Barty's embrace. Barty's laughter only added to Regulus's discomfort, but he forced a tight-lipped smile and stepped further into the room, trying to shake off his unease.

As they settled in for drinks, Regulus couldn't shake the feeling of being out of place, like he was intruding on something intimate and private. Despite Evan's attempts to engage him in conversation, Regulus found himself lost in his own thoughts, wondering if things would ever feel the same again.

Regulus couldn't help but notice how Barty's hands roamed freely over Evan's body, and the fact that Barty didn't even once address him directly only added to his growing discomfort. It was as if Regulus was merely a guest in their trio, not Barty's best friend.

"Honey, could you bring me a mixer?" Barty called out to Evan from the couch, and Regulus couldn't suppress an eye roll. Since when did Barty use generic pet names like "honey," especially after just a week together?

When Evan returned with the mixer, Barty flashed him a warm smile and leaned in for a quick kiss. Regulus averted his gaze, feeling like an intruder in their intimate moment. It was a stark reminder of the growing divide between them.

As the evening wore on, Regulus found it increasingly difficult to mask his unease. He was making frequent and long trips to the bathroom blaming it on the alcohol, but the truth was he couldn’t bear to witness any more of their affectionate displays.

When Evan walked to the other room because he got the call from Pandora Barty turned to him. “What the fuck is your problem?”

Regulus was taken aback by Barty's sudden outburst. "What?" he asked, his voice tinged with confusion.

"You definitely have some kind of issue," Barty insisted, his tone dripping with irritation.

Regulus felt a surge of frustration bubbling up inside him. "Oh, I have many issues!" he retorted, his voice rising in anger. "I have a mental illness, in case you've forgotten. But I don't blame you for that. It seems like you've forgotten about me entirely!"

Barty's eyes flashed with annoyance. "What the hell, why are you acting this way?" he demanded, his voice edged with exasperation. "Can't you just support me?"

Regulus felt a mix of emotions coursing through him – anger, hurt, and a profound sense of betrayal. He couldn't believe Barty's callousness, his complete disregard for Regulus's feelings.

"Support you?" Regulus scoffed bitterly. "I've always supported you, Barty. I've been there for you through everything, but what about me? What about my feelings?" His voice cracked with emotion as he struggled to contain his frustration.

Barty's expression hardened, his gaze narrowing with irritation. "This isn't about you, Regulus," he snapped, his tone dismissive. "Can't you see I'm happy? Can't you just be happy for me?"

Regulus felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Happy? How could Barty be happy when he was completely ignoring Regulus's pain? It was as if their friendship meant nothing to him anymore.

But Regulus refused to let Barty see how deeply he'd been hurt. With a clenched jaw and a steely resolve, he got up and stormed out of the flat, the door slamming shut behind him with a resounding thud.

As he stepped out into the cool evening air, his emotions threatened to overwhelm him, but he pushed them down, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other.

Regulus barely registered his mother’s words as he trudged through the front door. He made his way to his room with leaden steps, the weight of his emotions threatening to crush him.

Collapsing onto his bed, he felt the floodgates of emotion burst open, tears streaming down his cheeks as he let out a gut-wrenching sob. The pain in his chest was suffocating, a relentless ache that seemed to seep into every fiber of his being.

In that moment, all he wanted was to escape from the unbearable weight of his own thoughts, to numb the pain that threatened to consume him from the inside out. The urge to scream, to lash out, to do anything to make the agony stop clawed at him relentlessly.

Regulus’s thoughts swirled in a tumultuous whirlwind of self-doubt and confusion. Why did he lash out at him? He was supposed to be a good friend, be happy for Barty and support him in his happiness. But instead, he found himself consumed by a mix of jealousy, hurt, and frustration.

Was he being immature? Was he letting his own insecurities cloud his judgment and taint his interactions with his friends? Regulus couldn’t shake the feeling of disappointment in himself, the sense that he had let everyone down by not being able to rise above his own emotions.

Regulus pulled out his phone, his fingers tapping out a message to Barty.

Hey, I wanted to reach out and apologise. I know I've been overreacting, and I'm sorry for that. But there are some things I'm feeling and experiencing that I don't understand. Maybe that's why I'm so on edge lately. Arguing with you wasn't fair, and I regret it. I'm in a tough spot right now, dealing with my own problems and emotions. If you're okay, I hope you can forgive me. I just need some time to sort things out. Thanks for understanding.

After sending the message, Regulus sighed heavily, hoping that Barty would understand. He wasn't sure if he was making things better or worse, but he knew he needed some time to himself to figure things out.

The following day, Barty replied.

I generally understand, but honestly, I think we should have a conversation about this over the phone.

Regulus stared at the message, a knot forming in his stomach. The last thing he wanted was to have a difficult conversation over the phone. It felt too exposing, too raw.

Regulus took a deep breath, his fingers hovering over the keyboard as he composed his response.

Hey, I appreciate your understanding. I'm just not ready to talk about it over the phone yet. Can we meet up in person instead? Also, I'm not sure what you want to talk about. Can you tell me? I would rather be prepared for a difficult conversation.

He hesitated for a moment before hitting send, hoping his request for an in-person conversation would be respected.

Regulus furrowed his brows as he looked Barty's response.

I just want to tell you why this pissed me off so much and in general how things will look like from now on because, I'm sorry, but it simply can't be like it was that evening.

The message left Regulus with more questions than answers. What did Barty mean by "how things will look like from now on"? It was unclear, and Regulus's anxiety only intensified. He needed clarity, but he wasn't sure if he was ready for the conversation that lay ahead.

As the days turned into weeks with no resolution in sight, Regulus couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that hung over his strained friendship with Barty. Part of him was relieved to avoid the awkward conversation he dreaded, but another part craved closure—a chance to fix things. The silence from Barty only deepened the hurt and confusion, leaving Regulus uncertain about what their future interactions might look like.

The annual trip to Evan’s parents’ beach house loomed closer, and with it came a mix of dread and nostalgia. For years, ever since they’d started studying together, the trip had been a highlight of Regulus’s summer. He loved that house—it was truly perfect. No nosy neighbors threatening to call the cops if they got too loud, the beach just a short car ride away, and absolute freedom to do whatever they wanted. Most of the time, that just meant getting blackout drunk, but still, it was amazing.

Now, though, the thought of returning filled Regulus with anxiety. How would their fractured friendship hold up in such a close-knit environment? Could they fake normalcy for Evan’s sake, or would the underlying tension erupt, making things awkward for everyone? What was once his favorite getaway now felt like a storm cloud hanging over him, and as the trip approached, Regulus couldn’t shake his growing sense of unease.

☆

As the final meeting of Creativa for the academic year unfolded, Regulus found himself sitting next to James, a familiar smile gracing his lips. "Hello, gloomy," James greeted teasingly, his gaze warm and inviting. "What's on your mind?"

Regulus couldn't help but roll his eyes playfully, though a hint of shyness tinged his expression. "Doesn't matter," he replied with a soft chuckle, his cheeks flushing slightly under James's attentive gaze.

"It matters to me," James insisted, his eyes locked on Regulus's with a gentle intensity.

Regulus felt a flutter of nervousness in his chest, momentarily averting his gaze. "You don't even know what it is," he mumbled, feeling the warmth spreading across his cheeks.

"True, but if it's on your mind, then it matters to me," James replied earnestly, his voice soft and reassuring. "But you don't have to share if you're not comfortable."

"Thank you," Regulus murmured gratefully, appreciating James's understanding. Taking a deep breath, he mustered the courage to broach a different topic. "Actually, there's something else I wanted to ask you," he began, bracing himself for potential rejection. "I've been considering submitting an idea for next year's projects. I was thinking about organizing an open mic event for students to share their poetry, thoughts, maybe even songs. It could happen twice a month or even more often.”

As he spoke, Regulus couldn't help but feel a surge of excitement mixed with apprehension. He hoped James would be receptive to his idea, knowing that his support could make all the difference.

James's eyes lit up with genuine enthusiasm as Regulus unveiled his idea. "Oh, that's a great idea!" he exclaimed, his excitement palpable. "I can't wait for your presentation. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you over Zoom."

Regulus couldn't help but smile at James's enthusiastic response, feeling a sense of validation wash over him. Encouraged by James's positive reaction, he hesitated for a moment before continuing. "Thank you, but that's not the full thing," he admitted, his voice tinged with uncertainty. "I know my project wasn't even picked yet, and it's all in theory, but if it somehow gets picked, would you like to organize it with me?"

Regulus paused, feeling a rush of nerves as he awaited James's response. "I know you'll be working on your Master's thesis next year, but maybe you'll want... Sorry, I just realized it's a lot to ask." He trailed off, suddenly feeling self-conscious about the magnitude of his request.

“Reggie, I think that’s a fantastic idea, and I’d love to work on it with you,” James said earnestly, his eyes conveying genuine enthusiasm. “It’s not too much to ask at all. If your project gets picked, count me in.”

Relief washed over Regulus as he absorbed James’s supportive words. “Really? You mean it?” he asked, unable to conceal the hint of disbelief in his voice.

James nodded earnestly. “Absolutely. I’m honored you asked me.”

Encouraged by James’s enthusiasm, Regulus continued, “I was thinking, if my project gets the green light, we could kick things off during the holidays. Maybe meet up, brainstorm ideas, scout potential venues…”

James’s smile widened. “I’m all in. Let’s make it happen.”

Regulus felt weight lifting from his shoulders.

“Can I brag to Sirius that you asked me out?” James teased, flashing a sheepish grin.

Regulus shot him a scowl. “You’re on thin ice, Potter. You can brag to him that I asked you out when I actually ask you out, not when I invite you to coordinate a project with me.”

James gasped dramatically. “You said ‘when’ and not ‘if’! Does that mean there’s a ‘when’?”

“In your dreams,” Regulus replied with a smirk.

James laughed. “Fair, but in real life would be better.”

Regulus huffed, annoyed by James's teasing, but beneath his irritation, he couldn't deny the warm swirl in his stomach.

☆

Regulus knew this trip was going to be hard. Everything felt off, and he wasn’t sure about his place in their trio anymore. It wasn’t like it used to be, and though he tried to stay positive, it was hard to shake the weirdness.

The first couple of days were manageable, though not great. Barty barely acknowledged him, treating him like he wasn’t even there. It stung, but Regulus tried to act normal—chatting with the others, joining in on the fun, and pretending he wasn’t bothered. But no matter what he did, the feeling of being out of place stuck to him.

By the third day, Regulus was a mess. He couldn’t sleep, no matter how hard he tried. His body felt like it was constantly on edge—heart racing, muscles tense, his brain unable to switch off.He felt like his body was stuck in a perpetual fight-or-flight mode. The exhaustion only made his anxiety worse.

“You should really go to sleep, Reg,” Dorcas said, her voice tinged with concern. She perched on the arm of the couch where he sat, scrolling through his phone for a distraction. “I know it’s daytime, but you haven’t slept in days. You need to sleep right now.”

“I wish I could, Cas,” he sighed, his voice low and tired. “But I just… I can’t.”

“Maybe try melatonin? I think Evan has some,” she offered helpfully.

“I already did,” he admitted with a frustrated shake of his head. “I took two pills, like, two hours ago. Still nothing.”

Dorcas frowned. She looked like she wanted to fix everything right there and then but wasn’t sure how. Regulus went back to staring at his phone, though his mind was too noisy to focus. The knot in his stomach tightened with every passing minute, and his nerves refused to settle.

After a little while, Dorcas came back downstairs, holding a small bottle in her hand. “I called my mom,” she said as she sat beside him. “She’s a doctor, and she said you can take one of my sleeping pills. It should be safe.”

Regulus looked up at her, relief flooding through him. “Cas, thank you,” he said sincerely. “I really appreciate it.”

Dorcas handed him the bottle, her expression soft and understanding. “You look like you could use a full day of sleep,” she said gently.

He nodded, holding the pills tightly in his hand. “Yeah. I think I need it.”

“Go on then,” she urged with a small smile, giving his cheek a quick, affectionate stroke. “They’re pretty strong, so get upstairs and into bed before they kick in.”

“Okay,” Regulus agreed, finally feeling like there was a small glimmer of hope he might actually rest.

Regulus hurried to his bedroom, pulled the curtains shut to darken the room, and climbed into bed. He closed his eyes, willing himself to sleep, but no matter how hard he tried, it wouldn’t come. Time felt like it was dragging on, and the longer he lay there, the more restless he became. Finally, he checked his phone—almost 40 minutes had passed, and he didn’t even feel a hint of drowsiness.

With a heavy sigh, he gave up and headed back downstairs. “Dorcas, how long does it usually take for those pills to work?” he asked, leaning against the doorframe.

Dorcas turned to him, her eyes wide with disbelief. “You’re still awake? Reg, you should be passed out by now.”

He shrugged, his frustration bubbling over. “I don’t know. Maybe they just don’t work for me.”

Dorcas frowned, concern deepening the lines on her face. “That’s really strange. Maybe you should try lying down again. Give it a little more time?”

“Yeah, maybe,” he muttered, defeated, and dragged himself back upstairs. He flopped back onto his bed and stared at the ceiling, trying once more to relax. But as the minutes ticked by, all he did was toss and turn, his thoughts a jumbled mess.

About an hour later, Regulus gave up and trudged downstairs again. This time, everyone was gathered around the TV watching a movie. Without a word, he sank onto the couch beside Marlene, who immediately pulled him close.

“Come here, my restless child,” she said with a teasing smile, wrapping an arm around him and handing him the bowl of popcorn.

Barty’s laughter interrupted the moment. “You should wank more. You would be more chill out,” he quipped.

“Barty,” Dorcas snapped, glaring at him. “That’s not even remotely funny. He hasn’t slept in days—this is serious.”

Regulus forced a weak smile, trying to act like the comment didn’t bother him. “Yeah, not funny,” he said quietly, shifting uncomfortably. Then, louder, he added, “I’ll be fine. I just need to… figure it out.”

But deep down, he wasn’t sure he believed himself.

After the movie ended, Regulus headed back to his bedroom. The house had grown quiet, and though his mind was still racing, the solitude offered some comfort. He curled up under the blanket, hoping to find some peace, when the door creaked open.

Pandora slipped inside, her soft footsteps barely making a sound. She crossed the room and sat at the edge of his bed. "Want company?" she whispered.

"Yours? Always," Regulus replied softly.

Though they weren’t particularly close, there was something about Pandora that always put Regulus at ease. She had this quirky sense of humor and an independent spirit that he couldn’t help but admire.

He remembered the first time he met her and Evan so clearly. Pandora had this easygoing way about her, and her laughter was infectious. Regulus was immediately drawn to her. For the first time, he felt completely comfortable around a girl, and it threw him off. He mistook his admiration for a crush, convincing himself that he liked her in that way.

The thought of silently pining for someone again—like he had with others before—filled him with dread. So, he made a bold choice: he was going to confess his feelings to her. No hesitation, no dragging it out for years. He’d just… do it.

One night during a party, he got drunk to work up the nerve. His heart was racing as he asked Pandora to go for a walk. Beneath the moonlit sky, with the sound of the ocean in the distance, he finally confessed.

“I think I like you,” he’d blurted out, barely able to look at her.

Pandora’s response had been kind but clear. “Reg, you’re sweet, but I don’t feel the same way,” she’d said gently, her tone soft but honest. The words stung, but what surprised Regulus more was how little the rejection actually hurt. It was more confusing than anything else, like a puzzle piece he’d been forcing into the wrong place.

Over the next few days, Pandora didn’t let his awkward confession hang in the air. Instead, she talked to him—really talked to him. “Regulus,” she’d said during one of their conversations, her tone calm and thoughtful, “I think you felt good around me because you’re comfortable. But comfort isn’t the same as attraction. You can feel safe with someone and admire them without it being romantic.”

Her words stuck with him, forcing him to question everything he thought he understood about his feelings. Pandora didn’t push him or pressure him to figure it all out immediately, but she encouraged him to think about the moments and people that truly made his heart race.

And that’s when it clicked.

“It’s not girls,” he’d admitted to her one evening, the realization hitting him all at once. “It’s boys.”

Pandora had smiled warmly, her voice gentle as she said, “That makes sense, doesn’t it? You’ve always seemed happiest when you’re with them—not in a way you feel you should be, but in a way that just… is.”

Her support had been unwavering. She never made him feel awkward or ashamed, instead helping him untangle the complicated knot of his feelings and arrive at the truth. Sometimes, Regulus wondered if she’d known all along and was just waiting for him to see it for himself.

Now, as she sat beside him on the bed, Pandora’s presence felt as steady and reassuring as ever. 

Regulus glanced over at Pandora, who was sitting beside him on the bed. “Imagine how different things would be if we ended up together,” he said with a small smirk.

“That’s impossible,” Pandora replied without hesitation.

“Ouch, Panda, way to crush me,” Regulus chuckled.

Pandora shook her head, a teasing glint in her eyes. “You don’t get it. You can’t be my romantic attraction. To me, you’re like the easiest block to find in Minecraft,” she said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Regulus raised an eyebrow. “Did you just compare me to dirt? Panda, you’re really twisting the knife here.”

Pandora rolled her eyes, giving him an exasperated look. “No, no, no. You’re missing the point. Dirt isn’t just dirt—it’s the foundation, Reg. It’s everywhere, it’s reliable, and it’s what you build everything on.”

Regulus blinked, processing her words.

She nodded eagerly, as though explaining the most profound thing ever. “You’re the base, the starting point. And that doesn’t make you boring or unimportant. It makes you solid, dependable. Essential.”

A smile tugged at the corners of Regulus’s lips. “Thanks, Panda. I think?”

Pandora grinned back at him. “Anytime.”

After a moment of comfortable silence, Regulus asked, “Do you want to play a game?”

Pandora tilted her head, curious. “Sure, but something calming. I can practically feel your heart racing from here.”

“Okay, how about the 36 questions to fall in love?” he suggested, his voice light with amusement.

Pandora raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t we just establish that we’re not falling in love?” she teased, reaching out to ruffle his hair.

“I know, I know. But I read this article about them, and they’re supposed to be fun questions,” Regulus explained, a hint of excitement in his tone.

Pandora grinned and clapped her hands together. “Alright, let’s play!”

Regulus grabbed his phone, pulling up the list of questions. “Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?”

Pandora pondered for a moment before responding. “That depends on what we’re eating.”

Regulus chuckled. “Fair enough. Let’s say you can have whatever you want. Who would it be?”

Pandora grinned mischievously, her eyes gleaming with amusement. “Like I said, it depends on what we're eating.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “So, let’s say you’re having your favorite meal. Who’s the dinner guest?”

“Sweet or savoury?”

Regulus blinked, caught off guard by the unexpected question. “What?”

Pandora leaned back against the pillows, a smirk dancing on her lips. “The meal, silly. Sweet or savoury?”

“Panda… We’re getting further from the point,” Regulus chuckled, shaking his head.

“But that’s important!” she insisted, her grin widening.

Regulus sighed, knowing he was about to get entangled in one of Pandora’s playful debates. “Okay, let’s go with savory.”

“In that case, I’d pick Emmeline,” Pandora replied, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

Regulus raised an eyebrow, incredulous. “So, after all that, your ultimate choice is your best friend? Seriously? Not someone famous or historically significant?”

Pandora chuckled. "Hey, Emmeline's famous in her own right. Plus, I'd rather enjoy a meal with someone I know and love than a stranger from the history books."

Regulus shook his head in disbelief, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Fair enough. Let's move on to the next question."

“But you have to answer too,” Pandora insisted, nudging him playfully.

“I don’t like people. And especially I don’t like eating with them.”

“Liar liar.”

Regulus chuckled. “Alright, alright. If I had to choose, I’d probably go with Jane Austen. I’ve always admired her work, and it would be fascinating to chat with her about her writing process and the societal norms of her time.”

Pandora beamed. “Yay, let’s continue.”

“Would you like to be famous? In what way?” Regulus inquired.

“Not at all.” Pandora replied decisively.

Regulus raised an eyebrow, intrigued by her response. "Why not?"

Pandora shrugged. "Too much attention. I prefer to live my life under the radar."

Regulus nodded in understanding. "That makes sense.”

“What about you, then? Would you like to be famous?” Pandora asked.

“Depends. I don’t want to be a celebrity by no means. I hate the idea of people following me, asking me questions or taking pictures of me. But honestly if people from all over the world would read my works, that would be quite wonderful.”

Pandora smiled. “That sounds like a reasonable compromise. Being famous for your work rather than for your personal life.”

Regulus grinned. “Exactly. Plus, I’d still get to enjoy my privacy.”

Pandora chuckled. “Fair point. Alright, next question: Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?”

Regulus’s smile widened. “Oh, you have no idea.”

Pandora raised an eyebrow. “Really? Even for casual calls?”

Regulus nodded. “Especially for casual calls. I always worry about saying the wrong thing or stumbling over my words.”

Pandora chuckled. “That’s adorable, Reg. But you’re much smoother on the phone than you think.”

Regulus shrugged. “Maybe. But I’d rather be prepared just in case.”

“I never think about what to say. It just comes to me.”

“Lucky you.” Regulus sighed. “What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?”

Pandora leaned back, a thoughtful expression crossing her face. “Hmm, a perfect day for me would start with a lazy morning in bed. I would wake up feeling well-rested and fresh, with the sunlight streaming through the curtains just right. Evan would be out of the house, so there wouldn’t be any disturbances. My hair wouldn’t be tangled; it would style perfectly with just a few effortless waves. After lying in bed for a while, I would leisurely make my way to the kitchen for breakfast. I would whip up my signature shakshouka, because let’s be honest, I make the best one. The aroma of spices and tomatoes filling the air, accompanied by the sizzling sound of eggs cooking in the pan—it’s the perfect start to any day.”

When Pandora finished her story Regulus looked at her, a mixture of awe and amusement flickering across his face. Then, he glanced down at his phone, his eyebrows shooting up in disbelief.

"You just spent 25 minutes talking about your perfect day," he exclaimed, shaking his head in mock disbelief.

Pandora grinned mischievously. “Well, it’s a detailed day! Can’t blame a girl for having high standards.”

Regulus smiled. “No, no, I admire your dedication to the perfect day vision.”

“Hey, details matter,” Pandora replied with a playful wink. “Do you want to continue the questions?”

“Honestly I don’t know. Maybe I should try sleeping.” Regulus sighed.

“Do you want me to stay with you? I could use a kip.”

Regulus smiled gratefully. "Thanks, but I think I'll try to sleep alone for now. You go ahead and get some rest too."

Pandora nodded, understandingly. "Alright. Just shout if you need anything, okay?"

"Will do. Sleep well, Panda."

"You too, Reg." With a final smile, Pandora quietly left the room, leaving Regulus to his thoughts.

He closed his eyes, willing himself to relax and drift off to sleep. Despite Pandora’s comforting presence and their lighthearted conversation, his mind still buzzed with thoughts and worries.

He focused on his breathing, trying to slow his racing heart and quiet his racing thoughts. With each inhale and exhale, he felt a small measure of tension ease from his body. He replayed their conversation in his mind, finding solace in the familiarity of their banter.

As minutes turned into hours, Regulus’s mind began to quiet, the weight of exhaustion finally starting to pull him under. He shifted into a more comfortable position, sinking deeper into the embrace of his blankets. The sound of his own breath became a soothing rhythm, lulling him closer to sleep with each passing moment.

Finally Regulus felt the tendrils of sleep begin to wrap around him. His thoughts grew hazy, his muscles relaxed, and his breathing slowed to a steady rhythm. With a contented sigh, he surrendered to the embrace of slumber, grateful for the peace that had eluded him for so long.

Chapter Text

When Regulus woke up, he reached for his phone and squinted at the bright screen. 4:00 AM. He groaned softly. He’d slept through the whole evening and into the night.

Yawning, he got out of bed and padded downstairs, the house dark and eerily quiet. When he reached the living room, the aftermath of last night’s party greeted him: empty bottles and half-full glasses cluttered the coffee table, plates and utensils scattered across every surface, and the air thick with the stale smell of alcohol and cigarettes.

Regulus sighed, feeling a pang of guilt for having missed the night of partying entirely.

With a heavy heart, Regulus set about tidying up the mess, moving methodically around the room and gathering up empty bottles and discarded cups.

As the first light of dawn crept through the windows, soft and golden, Regulus paused for a moment. The peaceful stillness of the morning felt like a strange contrast to the mess around him. Taking a deep breath, he got back to work, determined to make the place look presentable again.

He scrubbed at sticky spots on the coffee table and wiped down surfaces, his mind flicking constantly to the day ahead. Today wasn’t just another summer morning—it was a big one for him. He had a Zoom call later to present his project to Creativa. He was the last one on the schedule, which meant the voting would happen immediately after his turn.

The thought made his stomach churn. He’d spent weeks preparing for this moment, fine-tuning every detail of his project and rehearsing over and over. It wasn’t just a presentation; it was his chance to show everyone his dedication to the club.

As he cleaned, Regulus couldn’t stop mentally rehearsing his slides. He went over key points and imagined questions he might get, replaying the scenarios in his head. Despite the nerves clawing at him, he was determined to make this count.

Finally, after what felt like hours, the room was spotless. Regulus stepped back and surveyed his work with a small sense of relief. At least one task was complete.

He checked the clock and realized he had 12 hours left until his presentation. The weight of the deadline pressed on him, but instead of panicking, it motivated him. There was still time to perfect his delivery and polish the details.

Deciding to start fresh, Regulus headed to the bathroom for a shower. The Rosier family’s summer house was infamous for its quirky water system, but Regulus had mastered it over the years. He carefully adjusted the settings to make sure he got the most out of the limited hot water supply.

As the warm water cascaded over him, washing away the remnants of sleep and stress, Regulus let himself appreciate the moment. For a few minutes, he allowed himself to feel calm and refreshed.

When he stepped out, he dried off quickly, threw on a comfortable outfit, and grabbed his laptop. Making his way to the sitting room, he settled onto the couch, opening his project file and diving in.

The day was just beginning, and Regulus was determined to make every second count.

After a few hours, Regulus’s friends started waking up, one by one, dragging themselves downstairs with heavy steps. Their tired eyes and messy hair said it all—they were feeling the effects of last night’s party.

“I’m never drinking again,” Dorcas groaned, collapsing into a chair.

“You said that yesterday too,” Marlene replied, her voice just as worn-out.

Dorcas ignored the comment and headed to the coffee pot. “You want coffee, Black?” she asked, pouring herself a mug.

“Yes, please,” Regulus said without looking up from his laptop.

Marlene turned to him and jumped slightly. “Jesus, Reg, I didn’t even see you there. What are you doing up so early?”

“Just working,” Regulus answered, smirking at her reaction. “Enjoying the quiet before everyone wakes up and chaos starts again.”

“Oh, your presentation thing. That’s today?” Marlene asked, settling into a chair at the table.

“Yep. Today’s the big day,” Regulus replied, trying to keep his voice calm even though his stomach was still in knots.

Dorcas walked over and set a steaming mug of coffee on the table in front of him. “Here you go,” she said.

“Thanks, Dorcas,” Regulus said with a grateful smile, taking a sip.

“No problem. Let me know if you need anything. I’m about to attempt breakfast… if I can handle it,” Dorcas muttered as she went back to the kitchen.

A little while later, Pandora wandered into the room, her hair wrapped in a towel. She looked half-awake but managed a small smile. “Morning, everyone,” she mumbled.

“Morning,” Regulus greeted, giving her a wave.

Marlene glanced up and grinned. “Nice look,” she teased, pointing at Pandora’s towel.

Pandora rolled her eyes but smiled back. “Thanks. I regret everything,” she said as she joined them at the table, grabbing a slice of toast.

Eventually, Barty and Evan made their way downstairs. Barty looked especially disheveled, his hair sticking up in every direction. He headed straight for the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of vodka, and poured himself a shot.

He downed it quickly, then noticed everyone staring at him. “What?” he asked, confused. “It’s hair of the dog.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow. “Starting early, I see.”

Marlene laughed, holding up her glass of water. “Cheers to a rough morning,” she joked.

Pandora grinned, raising her toast. “Bottoms up,” she added, giving Barty a wink.

Barty shrugged and smirked. “Hey, whatever works.”

Evan sniffed at his shirt and grimaced. “I need a shower,” he announced, heading toward the stairs.

“I’m coming with you!” Barty called out, following him with a mischievous grin.

“If you use all the hot water, I swear I’ll kill you!” Dorcas shouted after them.

“That’s why we shower together!” Evan yelled back, laughing.

“Yeah, like that’s the only reason,” Regulus muttered to himself.

☆

The rest of the day had been a whirlwind of stress for Regulus. He spent every moment rehearsing his speech and fine-tuning his presentation for Creativa. The closer it got to the deadline, the more he buried himself in his work, shutting out everything else around him.

But no matter how focused he tried to be, Regulus couldn’t ignore the guilt creeping in. His friends were trying to enjoy their vacation, and here he was, stressing over a presentation. He knew his serious mood was putting a damper on their plans.

Hoping to focus without interrupting them, Regulus slipped out to the back of the house. The cool breeze and quiet seemed perfect for working. Sitting on the pavement with his laptop balanced on his knees, he tried to block out everything else. But after a while, the hard ground started to make his back ache. Still, he pushed through, determined to perfect every last detail.

Then, out of nowhere, the peace was shattered by loud music blasting from inside the house. The deep bass thumped through the air, drowning out the chirping of birds and pulling Regulus out of his zone. He sighed, frustration bubbling up. He didn’t want to ruin his friends’ fun, but the noise was making it impossible to concentrate.

Finally, he gave in and headed back inside. As he walked through the door, the sight of his friends laughing and dancing greeted him. The music was deafening, and the scene made him feel even more out of place.

“Hey, guys,” he called out, forcing a smile. “Could you maybe take this upstairs? I’m trying to focus.”

Barty looked at him with a mix of annoyance and disbelief. “Why don’t you go upstairs instead?” he shot back.

Regulus swallowed his irritation and tried to stay calm. “I would, but the Wi-Fi doesn’t reach upstairs, and I need it for my presentation.”

Barty groaned dramatically. “Fine,” he muttered, clearly annoyed.

Regulus felt a sting of guilt for interrupting their fun but knew he couldn’t let it go. His presentation mattered too much. 

Half an hour before the start of the call, he slipped to the upstairs bathroom to fix his hair. As he combed through his dark strands with a comb, he heard voices coming from the room next door.

“Why’s he being like this? He’s so overdramatic. Always about himself,” Barty complained loudly. “He’s just so annoying—I can’t stand him.”

Regulus froze, the comb slipping from his fingers. Each word felt like a dagger, cutting deeper and deeper. He gripped the edge of the sink, his chest tightening as he tried to process what he’d just heard.

Tears blurred his vision, and before he could stop them, they spilled over, streaming down his face. He leaned against the counter, his reflection in the mirror a mix of heartbreak and exhaustion. How could Barty, his friend, his best friend, say something so cruel?

Regulus wiped at his cheeks with shaky hands, but the tears kept coming. He thought about all the times he’d been there for Barty, supporting him no matter what. Was their friendship really this fragile?

Taking a few deep breaths, Regulus forced himself to calm down. He splashed cold water on his face, letting the shock of it ground him. He couldn’t let this break him, not now—not when he was so close to something he’d worked so hard for.

With his heart still aching but his resolve firm, Regulus straightened up, fixed his hair one last time, and headed back downstairs. There was no room for distractions now. He was going to give this presentation everything he had, no matter what anyone said.

Regulus joined the Zoom call feeling heavy with stress, but when he saw James’s familiar face on his screen, a small sense of relief washed over him.

As everyone connected, Lily’s words of encouragement filled the virtual room, setting the stage for everyone’s presentations. Regulus tried to focus on other projects but stress was not letting him think straight. After the last person before him finished he took a deep breath and shared his screen. When he began speaking, his nerves started slowly turning into confidence. To his surprise, as he talked more about his ideas and plans, his excitement began to overpower his earlier anxiety.

With each slide and each point, Regulus spoke with more clarity and passion. His enthusiasm for the project drove him forward, making him feel energized. The support from his friends—thumbs-ups and smiles—helped too, making him feel even more encouraged.

When he finished, Regulus felt proud of what he had done. Now, all that was left was to wait for the vote and hope that the club would like his idea.

James sent the link for the voting, and Regulus watched his screen with nervous anticipation. He wondered if it was narcissistic to vote for himself. Soon after he voted Evan sat next to him and held his hand. Every second felt like a minute as Regulus waited for the final decision.

After a few minutes, James spoke up. “I see everyone has voted. So… I’m happy to announce next year’s main projects!”

Regulus’s heart raced as James began announcing the projects. When he heard the words “Inner Voice,” his breath caught in his throat. Could it be? Had his project been chosen?

Evan’s hand on his kept him grounded, helping him focus as James listed the rest of selected projects. Regulus was overwhelmed with a mix of pride, excitement, and disbelief.

Then it hit him fully—his project had been officially chosen as one of Creativa’s main projects for the next academic year.

Before he could open his mouth, Evan picked him up and spun him around, and Regulus couldn’t hold back his joy. Laughter bubbled up from him, and he couldn’t stop smiling.

The celebration kicked into full gear, and the music’s beat filled the room, carrying everyone into the excitement of the moment. It was their usual party vibe, the same as always, but for Regulus, it felt different. He wanted to believe it was all happening just for him, that the music and the laughter were there to celebrate his success.

Amid the party, Regulus couldn’t shake the deep feeling of discomfort growing inside him. While Barty had congratulated him, their interaction felt empty, like a quick exchange that didn’t carry the weight Regulus had expected. He had always relied on Barty to be there, to truly celebrate with him, but now it felt like Barty was more focused on Evan than on their friendship.

Regulus’s heart sank with each passing minute. Why was Barty acting so distant? Why did it hurt so much to see his best friend drifting away? The expectations he’d set—hoping Barty would act like a friend, like he always had—were crumbling, and the pain of it felt unbearable. It was as if the bond they shared was slipping through his fingers, and the harder he tried to hold on, the more it seemed to slip away.

Regulus’s thoughts swirled, mixing with the excitement of the party, but it only made the ache worse. The smile he put on his face couldn’t hide the turmoil inside. He felt small, unsure, and terribly hurt, all while standing in the midst of laughter and celebration. How had things gotten so complicated?

The more he thought, the more the weight of everything he’d been feeling crashed down on him. His chest tightened, his hands trembling as his mind replayed moment after moment, small but sharp, where he felt overlooked, dismissed, or simply left behind.

He thought about the times he had gone out of his way to be there for Barty—staying up late talking about his struggles, celebrating his victories, offering his support without hesitation. He had always been there for him, giving and giving, wanting just to have his best friend in his corner in return . But lately, it had felt different. Lately, it was as if Barty wasn’t the same person he had once known.

It shouldn’t be like this. Friends didn’t make each other feel invisible. Friends didn’t act like Barty had been acting—distant, indifferent, or worse, like Regulus didn’t matter as much anymore.

Friends were supposed to be there for each other, that no matter what happened, no matter how far life took them, they would have each other’s backs. But that wasn’t happening. And it was starting to hurt too much to ignore.

Why is it like this? Why does it feel like I’m asking for too much when all I want is a friend who actually acts like one?

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Friends were supposed to build each other up, not tear each other down with silence, distance, or words like today. He had tried to be patient, tried to understand that people change, that friendships evolve, but this—this was different. Barty wasn’t just busy or distracted; he was actively pulling away.

The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. Regulus couldn’t keep pretending everything was fine. He couldn’t keep burying the hurt, hoping it would go away. It wasn’t going to go away, and it wasn’t going to get better. No matter how much he cared about Barty, he couldn’t keep putting himself in a situation where he was constantly feeling rejected, like he didn’t matter. He deserved more than that.

His breath caught in his throat as the truth settled in. The thought felt like a weight lifting off his shoulders, even as it shattered his heart.

Summoning every ounce of courage, he walked toward him, ignoring the noise of the party, his stomach tied in knots.

“Can we talk one-on-one? It’s important,” he said, voice steady despite the nerves twisting inside him.

Barty, distracted by his shot with Marlene, barely acknowledged Regulus’s request, waving him off. “I’m kind of busy right now, can we talk later?”

Regulus stood firm, the frustration and hurt turning into resolve. “No. We need to talk now,” he said, surprising himself with the strength in his voice.

Reluctantly, Barty followed Regulus outside. As the cool night air hit them, Regulus’s emotions flooded to the surface. He knew this wouldn’t be easy, but it was the only way.

“Barty… it’s probably a selfish decision, and I'm probably immature, but I can’t feel like this anymore,” he began, his voice steady despite the emotions churning inside him. “I know you have Evan as your number one priority now, and I tried to be okay with that, but clearly I’m not. I wish I was different, I wish I didn’t care so much, but your attitude towards me... I can’t. I’m constantly hurting myself trying to justify your actions towards me or rather their lack. But I can’t anymore.”

Regulus paused, his heart racing, before continuing. “Barty, I don’t think we can be best friends anymore. I can be your mate, your buddy, your friend, but I can’t keep hurting myself every single time by wanting my best friend to act like one while he’s not. I’m sorry, and I hope you’ll understand.”

He extended his hand, trying to make the moment feel less painful, but his heart was heavy with the weight of his decision.

Barty stood still for a moment, his face unreadable. Finally, he sighed and took Regulus’s hand. “I understand,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you. That wasn’t my intention.”

Regulus nodded, relief and sadness mixing within him. As Barty turned back toward the party, Regulus stayed behind for a moment, breathing deeply and letting the cool night air settle him.

Tears blurred his vision, and he couldn’t help but feel a deep emptiness. He had actually made the decision to distance himself from his best friend, and though it felt right, it was still painful. He wiped his tears away, drowning in a sea of confusion. Did he make the right choice?

Peering through the window, he saw Barty laughing and joking with the others, carefree and surrounded by their friends.  It was a stark contrast to the heaviness that weighed on Regulus’s heart.

It struck him hard—things would never be the same again. Despite the sadness, Regulus knew this was something he had to do. He couldn’t keep sacrificing his happiness for a friendship that had become one-sided. Deep down, he understood this was the right decision, even though it hurt more than he could have imagined.

☆

The next day, Regulus woke up with a heavy feeling in his chest. The events of the previous night kept playing in his mind, and it was hard to focus on anything else. As he went downstairs, he couldn’t shake the sense that something was off, like he didn’t fit in with his friends anymore.

Even though they tried to include him, Regulus felt distant from everyone. He smiled and laughed, but it all felt forced. Inside, he was struggling to keep the turmoil from showing. The more the day went on, the more he wanted to retreat into himself. His friends’ company, which once felt comforting, now felt suffocating. Every conversation reminded him of the rift he’d started to feel between them.

Regulus spent most of the day alone, trying to avoid the heavy feeling that followed him everywhere. He felt like an outsider looking in, like no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t bridge the distance that had grown between him and the people he once felt close to. As the day ended, he wondered if things would ever feel normal again.

Later, he found himself at the party, but even the music couldn’t help him escape his thoughts. As ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ played, he danced with Pandora, trying to lose himself in the beat. For a brief moment, the music made him feel a little lighter, but the relief didn’t last. As soon as the song ended, his worries came flooding back, weighing him down again.

Outside, Regulus smoked a cigarette, staring into the dark. The laughter and music from the house drifted to him, but they felt far away. He couldn’t shake the feeling of being disconnected from everything. The alcohol made him feel numb, but it didn’t fill the emptiness inside him.

When Regulus went back into the house to use the bathroom, he walked in on a confrontation between Dorcas and Barty. They were arguing—well, it seemed more a wrestling match or fight—he couldn't quite discern which.

“What are you gonna do now?” Barty asked holding both of her hands.

“Leave me alone Crouch.” Dorcas hissed.

Without thinking, Regulus rushed forward and pushed Barty away from Dorcas.

Regulus's heart pounded in his chest as he stood there, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he stared at Barty sprawled on the ground. He didn’t know what had gotten into him, just that something had snapped, and he acted without thinking. Dorcas looked shocked, her voice full of disbelief as she asked, “Reg, what the hell?”

Regulus shook his head, confused and struggling to explain. “I… I don’t know. I just couldn’t stand seeing you two fight.”

Barty quickly stood up, looking angry and surprised. “What the fuck, Black?” he snapped, his voice filled with venom. “You had no right to do that.”

Regulus flinched at the harshness in his voice. He felt a deep pit of guilt in his stomach. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to… I just…”

But before he could say more, Barty stormed off, leaving Regulus and Dorcas standing there. Regulus’s stomach churned with guilt as he realized what he had just done. He had acted impulsively, and now the consequences were hitting him all at once.

Regulus ran to his room, slamming the door behind him. He collapsed onto his bed, his face in his hands, the weight of what he had done crashing down on him. What had gotten into him? He wasn’t an aggressive person. He felt a mix of guilt and confusion, unable to understand why he’d acted that way.

Tears filled his eyes as he replayed the scene in his mind, but the more he thought about it, the more lost he felt.

Regulus’s hands shook as he quickly packed his suitcase, throwing clothes and belongings in without much thought. He had to leave. He couldn’t stay here after everything that had happened. The guilt and regret weighed on him, making it hard to breathe. He needed to escape.He wasn’t desperate to get away from the mess of the last few days. 

Once his suitcase was packed, he stood up, feeling uncertain, and went downstairs. He found Evan in his room.

“Hey, Evan,” Regulus said, his voice shaky. “Can you do me a favor? Can you drive me to the train station tomorrow?”

Evan looked up, confused. “Sure, but why? Is everything okay?”

“No. It’s not,” Regulus said, his throat tightening. “Something’s wrong with me, and I can’t stay here. I need to go home.”

Evan frowned, clearly worried. “Okay, but… what’s going on? You can talk to me, mate,” he said gently.

Regulus swallowed, struggling to hold back tears. “I don’t even know. Something just feels off, and I need to get out of this place before it makes me lose it.”

"Shit. I’m sorry that being here makes you uncomfortable," Evan muttered, his gaze dropping to the floor.

Regulus shook his head. “No, Evan. It’s not your fault. I love being here. I love this place. But something’s wrong with me, and I need to figure it out. That’s why I need to leave.”

Evan nodded, understanding dawning in his eyes as he looked up at Regulus. “Okay, I get it. Just promise me you’ll take care of yourself. And if you need anything, anything at all, you know where to find me.”

Regulus gave a small, grateful smile. “Thanks, Evan. I really appreciate it.”

Evan hesitated before speaking again. “Barty’s really upset about you two. He’s devastated.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow. “He talked to you about it?”

“Well… we’re together, Reg,” Evan said quietly.

“Right. Sometimes I forget,” Regulus murmured, a bitter edge to his voice.

"So like I said. He really is sad about it," Evan continued.

"It doesn’t look that way," Regulus scoffed, his tone edged with skepticism.

Evan ran a hand through his hair. “Look, things are complicated right now. But I know Barty. And you do too. Underneath all that bravado, he’s hurting too.”

Regulus was silent, his emotions mixed up inside. He wanted to believe Evan, to believe that Barty still cared. But the past few days had shaken his trust, and he didn’t know if he could take it at face value.

"I just want you to know that he still values your friendship," Evan added softly, his gaze searching Regulus's face for any sign of understanding.

Regulus nodded, though his face remained blank. He wanted to believe Evan, but he needed to hear it from Barty himself. For now, though, he just wanted to get away from here, from everything.

Chapter Text

Evan drove him to the railway station in the morning. Regulus looked at him filled with uncertainty. “Are you mad at me?” he asked.

Evan met Regulus’s gaze, his expression softening with understanding. “No, I’m not mad,” he replied. “I just don’t understand what’s happening. But I want you to take care of yourself, Reg.”

Regulus nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Thanks, Evan. I appreciate your support,” he said, before stepping out of the car and onto the platform.

Regulus leaned back in his seat, the rhythmic motion of the train lulling him into a sense of calm. But as he closed his eyes, a sinking feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. He realized that his mother would undoubtedly question why he was arriving three days earlier than planned.

The thought of facing her scrutiny filled him with apprehension, stirring up a whirlwind of emotions within him. How would he explain his sudden departure from the Rosier family summer house? Would he be able to articulate the turmoil that had driven him to leave without warning?

A sudden idea struck Regulus, prompting him to swiftly retrieve his phone and dial his brother's number.

”Sirius, can I crash at your place for a few days? I was meant to stay at Evan’s summer house, but I'm heading back early, and I don't know how to explain it to Mother. I'm really sorry to drop this on you, I don't want to be a burden, but I'm at a loss here," he blurted out in a rush, his words tumbling over each other in his urgency.

Regulus’s heart raced as he waited for his brother’s response, his mind filling with worry and uncertainty. He knew he was imposing on Sirius, disrupting his plans without warning, but he couldn’t bear the thought of facing his Mother right now.

After what felt like an eternity, Sirius's voice crackled through the phone. "Reggie, breathe. You're not a burden. Never think that. Of course, you can crash at my place, but there is one thing..." Sirius paused.

"I won't exactly be in the flat with you. Me and Moony are in Edinburgh for the weekend," Sirius explained slowly.

"You and who?"

"Oh, right," Sirius chuckled. "Moony is Remus. I'll explain the nickname later."

"I don’t want to impose on James. Maybe he has plans for the flat," Regulus hesitated.

"Don't worry about James," Sirius reassured him. "He won't mind. Besides, he's always happy to help. You're not a problem, Reggie. Just come over and make yourself at home."

"Could you at least call him and ask if he minds?" Regulus pleaded.

Sirius sighed. “Alright, I’ll give him a call and let you know. But stop stressing. It will be okay.”

After just few minutes he got a text from Sirius.

Everything okay. James is at the flat and waiting for you.

Feeling a bit relieved Regulus closed his eyes again. As the train rattled along the tracks, he couldn’t help but replay the events of the past few days in his mind. The weight of his decision to distance himself from Barty hung heavy on his heart.

Regulus couldn’t shake the nagging feeling of emptiness that gnawed at him from within. His thoughts started drifting back to the moments they had shared together, the laughter and support that had once defined their friendship now replaced by a palpable sense of loss and regret.

He knew deep down that he had made the right decision for himself, but that didn’t make it any easier to bear the consequences of his choice.

☆

Regulus stood outside Sirius's flat, his heart pounding in his chest as he raised his hand to knock on the door. He took a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves as he waited for a response.

He managed a weak smile as he stepped inside, the weight of his emotions pressing down on him like a heavy burden. He nodded in response to James's greeting, but his mind was elsewhere, consumed by thoughts of the recent events that had left him feeling adrift and alone.

As he followed James into the flat, Regulus couldn't shake the sense of unease that clung to him like a shadow. He knew he should engage in conversation, make small talk to ease the tension, but the words felt stuck in his throat, suffocated by the weight of his own turmoil.

All he wanted was to find solace in the solitude of his own thoughts, to retreat from the world and the pain it brought with it.

“Do you want something to eat? You must be starving.” James asked with a smile.

Regulus shook his head, his appetite nonexistent in the face of his emotions.

James frowned slightly, concern evident in his eyes. “Oh okay,” he said, his tone tinged with understanding. “I changed Sirius’s sheets for you, so everything’s fresh. Towels are in the bathroom, and feel free to make yourself at home.”

Regulus nodded and looked at James. “Can I go now?” he asked quietly, the tremor in his voice betraying the emotions he was struggling to contain.

James's expression softened with empathy as he nodded. "Of course, Reggie. Take your time. If you need anything, I'm here."

Regulus managed a weak smile before retreating to Sirius’s bedroom, closing the door behind him. Alone in the quiet confines of the room, he finally allowed himself to collapse onto the bed, the weight of his emotions crashing over him like a tidal wave.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he buried his face in the pillow, his body shaking with silent sobs. He had never felt so lost and alone, the absence of his best friend leaving a gaping hole in his heart that seemed impossible to fill.

As Regulus pressed his face into the pillow, he fought to stifle his cries, the weight of his emotions threatening to overwhelm him. His lungs ached with each ragged breath, his head spinning with the turmoil of his thoughts. In the darkness of the room, he felt utterly alone, the silence broken only by the sound of his own muffled sobs.

With each passing moment, the pain in his chest grew more intense, a relentless reminder of the void left in the wake of his fractured friendship with Barty. Regulus struggled to make sense of it all, grappling with the sense of betrayal and abandonment that gnawed at his heart.

Feeling overwhelmed by anguish, Regulus rose from his bed and cautiously peeked out of the room. Seeing no sign of James, he stealthily made his way to the kitchen. With a heavy heart, he opened the cutlery drawer, his hands trembling as he reached for the sharpest knife he could find.

Regulus's hand trembled as he pressed the sharp edge of the knife against his forearm, his breath catching in his throat as a surge of adrenaline coursed through his veins.

As Regulus pressed the blade harder against his skin, a sharp sting shot through his arm, accompanied by a rush of warmth as the skin yielded to the pressure. With a steady hand, he moved the blade, slicing through the flesh in a deliberate motion. As the crimson droplets welled up from the wound, a sense of numbness washed over him, dulling the intensity of his emotions, if only for a moment.

“Reggie?”

Regulus's heart skipped a beat as he heard his name, his body tensing with the sudden intrusion. He quickly turned around, trying to pull down his sleeve and appear casual, but his hands were shaking uncontrollably. As he faced James, his heart sank at the sound of the knife clattering to the kitchen tiles, the metallic clang echoing in the silence of the room.

Regulus's breath caught in his throat as he stared at James, his mind racing with a thousand excuses and explanations. But before he could utter a word, James's expression shifted from confusion to concern, his eyes widening with alarm as he took in the scene before him.

"Reggie, what are you doing?" James asked, his voice laced with worry as he hurried forward to pick up the fallen knife.

Regulus felt the weight of James's gaze bearing down on him, his cheeks burning with embarrassment as he struggled to find the right words. "I... I don't know," he stammered, his voice barely above a whisper. "I just... I needed... I..."

But before he could finish his sentence, the intensity of James’s worry became too much to bear. Regulus’s heart pounded in his chest as he tried to move past James, desperate to escape the suffocating weight of his concern. He couldn’t face the fear and uncertainty in James’s eyes, couldn’t bear the thought of him seeing him as the pathetic mess that Regulus was.

With a quick, almost frantic movement, Regulus pushed past James and fled from the kitchen. He knew he was broken, knew he was spiraling out of control, and he couldn’t let James see that. He bear the idea of tarnishing yet another relationship with his own pathetic emotions.

He was weak and incapable. But he had worked so hard to keep up appearances, to hide the turmoil raging within him behind a façade of strength and composure.

Regulus’s heart sank as he heard the gentle rap on the bedroom door, a stark reminder of the mess he had made of everything. He had imposed on James’s hospitality without a second thought, fleeing to his flat in a moment of panic without so much as a word of explanation.

Now, confronted with the consequences of his actions, Regulus felt a wave of shame wash over him. He had betrayed James’s trust, violated his privacy, and tarnished their budding friendship with his own reckless behavior. How could he face James now, knowing what he had done?

Another knock. Regulus hesitated for a moment, his hand hovering over the doorknob as he wrestled with his inner turmoil. With a deep breath, he finally mustered the courage to open the door, steeling himself for whatever lay on the other side.

As the door swung open, Regulus was met with James’s concerned gaze, his expression a mix of worry and compassion. Regulus felt a pang of guilt at the sight of James standing there, his concern evident in every line of his face.

“Reggie, are you okay?” James asked softly.

Regulus swallowed hard, his throat constricting with emotion as he struggled to find the words to respond. “I… I’m sorry, James,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “I shouldn’t have… I mean, I didn’t mean to…”

But before he could finish his sentence, James closed the distance between them, wrapping him in a tight embrace. "Hey, it's okay," James murmured softly. "Don’t be scared of me."

Regulus tensed at James’s touch, his muscles rigid with a mixture of shame and reluctance. He couldn’t bring himself to fully accept the comfort being offered, not when he felt so unworthy of it.

“I’m fine,” he mumbled, his voice strained with defensiveness. “I don’t need your pity.”

James pulled back slightly, his expression a mix of concern and understanding. “Love, I’m not pitting you,” he said gently. “I just… I want to help.”

Regulus’s jaw clenched as he struggled to contain the torrent of emotions raging within him. “I don’t need help,” he insisted, his voice tinged with frustration. “I can handle this on my own.”

But even as the words left his lips, Regulus knew they were a lie. He was drowning. And try as he might to push James away, a part of him longed for him, he begged for James to not let go of him.

James reached his hand out tentatively, his fingers brushing against Regulus's trembling hand.

"Love, I see you're hurting," James said softly, his voice filled with compassion. "But you don't have to face this alone. I'm here for you, always."

Regulus's resolve wavered at James's words, the walls he had built around his heart starting to crumble. He longed to lean into James's comforting embrace, to let himself be vulnerable and accept the support that was being offered.

"I... I'm scared," Regulus admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know how to fix this, how to make it stop hurting."

James pulled him close, wrapping him tighter in a warm embrace. "You don't have to have all the answers," he murmured, his breath tickling Regulus's ear. "Just let me be here for you, let me help carry this burden with you."

Tears welled up in Regulus's eyes as he buried his face in James's chest, finally allowing himself to let go.

“Let’s move to the couch, okay love?” James asked softly.

Regulus nodded silently, too overwhelmed to form words. James gently guided him to the couch, his arm wrapped protectively around Regulus’s shoulders as they sat down together.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” James asked gently, his eyes filled with concern as he sat beside Regulus on the couch.

Regulus remained silent for a moment, his emotions swirling inside him like a turbulent sea. Finally, he turned to James, his voice barely above a whisper. "I... I don't even know where to begin," he admitted, his words tinged with vulnerability. "Everything just feels so... overwhelming."

“That’s okay. We don’t have to, if you don’t want to. Just remember I’m here.”

Regulus didn’t know what to say, so he simply leaned into James’s comforting presence. James’s gentle strokes through his hair offered a sense of reassurance, and Regulus found himself focusing on the steady rhythm of James’s heartbeat.

Regulus's voice was barely audible as he whispered his apology. "I'm sorry. You thought you’d have an empty flat to do whatever you wanted, and now you ended up with a mess of your roommate's brother."

James gently shifted his position, pulling Regulus closer into his embrace. "Reggie, you're not a mess," he murmured, his voice soft and reassuring. "And you're much more than just my roommate's brother. You're my best friend's brother, but I'd care about you even if you weren't related to him. I see how intelligent and insightful you are. And as for the flat, I don't mind having company. I actually prefer it that way."

Regulus felt a warmth spread through him at James’s words, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up. “I’m sorry for being so clingy. That’s not usually how I am. I don’t know why I’m like this.”

James chuckled. "Are you going to say sorry for breathing next?"

Regulus glanced up at him. "If it bothers you, I might consider it."

James laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners with amusement. “Well, lucky for you, I don’t mind you breathing,” he said playfully. “In fact, I rather enjoy it.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, but a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “You’re insufferable,” he retorted.

“And yet, here you are, still putting up with me,” James quipped, flashing Regulus a playful grin.

Regulus scoffed. “Don’t flatter yourself. I tolerate you at best.”

James reached over and tousled Regulus’s hair affectionately. “Sure you do. That’s why you’re snuggling up to me right now.”

Regulus swatted James’s hand away, feigning annoyance. “I do not snuggle,” he protested, trying to hide the amusement in his voice.

James raised an eyebrow. “We can stop.”

Regulus's cheeks flushed crimson as he realised he didn't want their embrace to end. He didn’t know how to respond to maintain his facade of indifference, so he just averted his gaze from James.

James's eyes softened as he noticed the subtle change in Regulus's demeanour, his brows furrowing with concern. "Hey," he said gently, reaching out to tilt Regulus's chin upward, guiding their gazes to meet. "It's okay. You don't have to feel embarrassed around me."

Regulus's cheeks burned even hotter under James's reassuring touch, his heart racing with a mix of emotions. He couldn't bring himself to articulate his thoughts, his mind clouded with uncertainty and vulnerability.

But as he looked into James's eyes, he found a glimmer of understanding and acceptance that eased the tightness in his chest.

In that moment, Regulus felt the weight of exhaustion settle over him like a heavy blanket. Slowly, he adjusted himself in James's embrace and closed his eyes.

“Do you want to keep talking or do you want to stay silent?” James asked softly.

Regulus took a moment to collect his thoughts before responding. "I think I just want to stay like this for a while," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "Is that okay?"

James nodded, his arms still wrapped around Regulus in a comforting embrace. "Of course, Reggie," he replied softly. "We can stay like this as long as you need."

Regulus felt a sense of warmth and security envelop him as he leaned into James's embrace. For now, in James's arms, he could let go of his worries and simply be.

☆

Regulus stirred awake in Sirius’s bed, the absence of James’s comforting embrace leaving him feeling cold and alone. Suppressing the longing that tugged at his heart, he quickly shook his head, determined to push aside his thoughts. Gathering his belongings, he headed for the shower, hoping the cascade of water would wash away the lingering ache in his chest.

As he stepped out of the bathroom, the tantalizing scent of eggs being cooked greeted him, making his stomach growl in response. The realization of his hunger hit him like a wave, leaving his stomach feeling hollow and empty. He hadn't realised just how famished he was until now, the gnawing emptiness almost making him feel nauseous.

Regulus made his way to the kitchen, his steps slightly unsteady from hunger and fatigue. He found James standing by the stove, a spatula in hand as he flipped eggs in a skillet.

"Morning, sleepyhead," James greeted with a warm smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners with affection. "I thought you might be hungry, so I started making breakfast."

Regulus managed a weak smile in return, his stomach rumbling in anticipation of the meal. "Thanks," he murmured, the gratitude evident in his voice as he took a seat at the kitchen table.

James plated the eggs and set them down in front of Regulus, along with a side of toast and a glass of orange juice. "Dig in," he said, sliding into the seat across from him.

Regulus nodded, his mouth watering as he took a bite of the eggs. They were perfectly cooked, just the right amount of seasoning. As he ate, he couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort wash over him, grateful for James's kindness.

"Thanks for breakfast," Regulus said between bites, his voice genuine as he met James's gaze. "It's really nice of you."

James shrugged, a playful grin spreading across his face. “Hey, you’re my guest. Gotta treat you right, right?”

Regulus chuckled softly in response, the sound echoing in the cozy kitchen. The morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow over the room as they sat at the table, enjoying their breakfast.

“Do you have any plans for today?” James asked, taking a sip of tea.

Regulus paused, his fork hovering over his plate as he pondered James's question. "Not really," he finally admitted, setting the utensil down with a soft clink against the porcelain. "I hadn't really thought about it. Do you want the flat to yourself? I can find something to do."

James raised an eyebrow, a bemused smile playing at the corners of his lips. "Reggie, slow down," he chuckled, shaking his head in amusement. "I wasn't implying that at all. You're more than welcome to stay here. I told you, I enjoy your company."

Regulus’s cheeks flushed slightly with embarrassment, a self-conscious smile gracing his lips. “Yeah, I guess I have a tendency to overanalyze,” he confessed, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “It’s just… I don’t want to impose, you know?”

James chuckled softly, his eyes warm with understanding. “I’ve noticed,” he teased gently, reaching out to squeeze Regulus’s shoulder reassuringly. Regulus felt a shiver run down his spine as James's warm hand made contact with his shoulder.

“Sorry if I startled you," he murmured, his voice filled with genuine concern.

“Oh no, I’m just… not used to touch.” Regulus said quietly. He couldn't meet James's gaze, his eyes fixed on the table in front of him as he waited for James's response.

James smiled warmly. “There’s so much I don’t know about you,” he remarked gently. “You should talk about yourself more.”

Regulus furrowed his brows. “I talk about myself.”

“Maybe not enough.” James chuckled. “Go on, spill some tea about Regulus Black.”

Regulus's lips twitched into a faint smile at James's teasing tone. "Alright, let’s see…”

“I was never a social butterfly, but in high school I’ve met my first friend, Barty. He was smoking fag after fag and went to a lot of parties. We would probably never interacted with each other but our class was sat in alphabetical order and Black and Crouch ended up together.”

Regulus's gaze softened with nostalgia as he recalled memories from their high school days. "Barty was... well, he was something else. Always the life of the party, charismatic, confident. He was mean to everyone but somehow he was popular and everyone wanted to be around him."

James nodded, a thoughtful expression crossing his features.

“So, we ended up at LSE after high school. Mother was ecstatic that I got in.” He paused, briefly reflecting on his mother’s expectations before continuing. “That’s where we met Evan. He had his own flat with his sister, so naturally, Barty and I started spending a lot of time there. And then Dorcas came into the picture, followed by her girlfriend Marlene…” Regulus trailed off, noticing James’s curious expression. “What?”

“I didn’t want to interrupt you,” James with a gentle tone. “But I couldn’t help but notice that you’re not really talking about yourself, Reggie.”

Regulus blinked, caught off guard by James’s observation. “Oh,” he murmured. “Sorry.”

James smiled warmly. “No need to apologize. I'm just interested in getting to know you better.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow skeptically. “Why?”

James's smile widened. “Because you're intriguing, Reggie. There's more to you than meets the eye, and I want to uncover those layers.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “I don’t know who you think I am, but you need to lower your expectations. I’m not some mysterious deep person.”

James's smile softened. "Reggie, you don’t need to be deep and mysterious to be intriguing," he assured him. "You're already fascinating in your own right, just by being yourself."

Regulus stood up from the table, his expression stern. "Stop it. You’re making fun of me and I don’t appreciate that," he said firmly, his tone tinged with irritation.

James's smile faded, replaced by a look of concern. "Reggie, I'm not making fun of you," he insisted earnestly. "I genuinely want to get to know you better. I'm sorry if it came across the wrong way."

Regulus hesitated, his gaze fixed on James's expression. After a moment, he sighed, relenting slightly. He sinked back into his seat.

The silence between them stretched on, filling the room with a palpable tension. Regulus fidgeted with his hands, unsure of what to do or say next. He glanced up at James, who seemed lost in thought, his expression unreadable.

Finally, James broke the silence. "Reggie, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," he said softly, his voice tinged with regret. "I didn't mean to push you."

Regulus shook his head. "No, it's not your fault," he replied quietly. "I'm just... not used to opening up to people."

He paused, his gaze flickering to the tabletop as he searched for the right words. "I've always been more comfortable keeping things to myself," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "It's not that I don't trust you or anything. It's just..." He trailed off, struggling to articulate his thoughts.

"It's okay, Reggie. I don’t expect you to share your secrets. I just wanted to know you better. What you like, what makes you happy. What makes you, you.” James spoke gently, his eyes reflecting genuine curiosity and warmth.

“Okay… I can try again later.” Regulus nodded, his movements careful and measured as he stood up and carried his plate to the dishwasher.

With a silent resolve, he passed by James on his way to Sirius’s room, a fleeting thought crossing his mind. Maybe he should hug him, to convey that he wasn't upset or angry?

Yet, as he neared James, he found himself unable to act on the impulse, his internal walls still firmly in place.

Closing the door to Sirius's bedroom behind him, Regulus took a moment to survey his surroundings. Though he had been in this room several times before, it felt different now, as if he were seeing it with fresh eyes. His gaze wandered over the walls adorned with music posters.

It struck him how different it was from his own bedroom, where Mother had strictly prohibited him from hanging anything on the walls for fear of damaging the paint.

Regulus's heart skipped a beat as he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. A small framed picture sat on the shelf, drawing his attention. He approached it cautiously, his curiosity piqued. As he got closer, he realized it was a photo of him and Sirius, taken when they were much younger, perhaps around six or seven years old. In the picture, Regulus sported a toothless grin, while Sirius's hair was still short.

They both looked genuinely happy, their smiles reaching their eyes. It was a stark contrast to the formal family portraits Mother preferred. Regulus examined the photo closely, noting the genuine warmth captured in the image. He couldn't recall who had taken the photo, but he suspected it was someone from their extended family, possibly on their cousin Andromeda's side.

Regulus gently picked up the picture, feeling a pang of sadness wash over him as he studied the frozen moment of happiness captured within it. Their childhood, as depicted in the photo, seemed so carefree and joyful— a stark contrast to the reality of their upbringing. It was a reminder of the fleeting moments of innocence they had managed to steal amidst the shadows of their family's expectations and the looming darkness of Mother's disapproval.

☆

After a few hours, Regulus emerged from the room to find James seated on the couch, engrossed in his laptop. Taking a seat beside him, Regulus wore a somber expression that didn't escape James's notice.

"Why do you look so grumpy?" James inquired, his curiosity piqued.

Regulus mumbled something indistinct, his gaze fixed on the floor as he reached into his pocket. "I've made something for you," he finally managed to articulate, still avoiding eye contact with James.

"Really? What is it? Show me, show me!" James exclaimed eagerly, setting aside his laptop and bouncing with excitement on the couch.

Regulus hesitated for a moment before retrieving his phone from his pocket. "Calm down. It’s nothing special," he insisted as he showed his phone to James. "I've sent you a link. I thought of a way for you to get to know me better, so I've made you a playlist."

James's eyes lit up with excitement as he reached for his own phone. "Oh, wow! That's amazing!" he exclaimed, eager to access the playlist.

But Regulus quickly interjected, holding out a hand to stop him. "Don't!" he said firmly. "You're not listening to these songs next to me. It's too weird. And if I catch you listening to them, I'm gonna jump out of the window."

James chuckled. "Alright, alright, I promise I won't listen to them while you're around," he said, still grinning. "But I can't wait to check out this playlist later. Thanks, Reggie."

Regulus shrugged. "It's nothing," he muttered, but a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. It felt good to do something nice for James, even if it made him feel a bit vulnerable.

He glanced at James, his fingers fidgeting nervously. "And we can watch a movie," he suggested, the words tumbling out quickly in an effort to fill the awkward silence.

James's eyes lit up with interest. "Sure. Do you have something in-"

"Moonrise Kingdom," Regulus blurted out, feeling a rush of awkwardness flood his cheeks.

James raised an eyebrow, a playful glint in his eyes. "Is that your favorite?"

Regulus hesitated, then shrugged nonchalantly. "Nah, just something I thought you might like."

"Sure, Reggie," James said, giving him a knowing smile.

Chapter Text

“So whay is this your favourite movie?” James asked as the credits rolled.

Regulus hesitated, averting his gaze slightly as he spoke. "I never said it was my favorite," he replied evasively.

James raised an eyebrow, a playful smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. "You didn't have to. The way you were glued to the screen and quoting lines under your breath kind of gave it away."

"Well, maybe it's one of my favorites," he admitted reluctantly. "I just... I don't know, I like the quirkiness of it, I guess."

Regulus's eyes softened as he leaned back against the couch, lost in thought. "There's this underlying sense of innocence and longing in the characters. Like they're searching for something deeper, something meaningful, amidst all the chaos of their lives. And the way the film captures that... it's both nostalgic and bittersweet."

“I would have never thought that would be your favourite, but it really suits you.” James said moving a bit closer to Regulus.

Regulus glanced sideways at James, a faint blush tinting his cheeks. "Really?" he murmured, a hint of surprise in his voice.

"Yeah," James replied softly, his gaze warm as he met Regulus's eyes. "It's like... you see the world in a different way, and that's kind of amazing."

Regulus's heart fluttered at James's words, a warmth spreading through him at the genuine sentiment. "Thanks," he whispered, a shy smile gracing his lips.

Their eyes lingered on each other for a moment longer, the unspoken connection between them growing stronger with each passing second.

“Do you want to see a few venues I found? For our project.”

Regulus's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You've been working on the project?" he asked incredulously.

James flashed him a grin. "I told you I'm excited. And I want to impress you," he admitted, reaching for his laptop.

Regulus couldn't help but roll his eyes at James's enthusiasm.

“Hey don’t roll your eyes on me.” James laughed. “And come closer you will not see anything from that end on the couch.”

Regulus chuckled and complied, moving closer to James. "Fine, fine," he conceded, a playful glint in his eyes. "Impress me, Potter."

"Oh no, are we back to Potter?" James pouted dramatically.

"Only when you're being particularly insufferable.”

James gasped, placing a hand over his heart in mock dismay. "Me? Insufferable? Never!"

Regulus chuckled softly, shaking his head. "Sure, sure. "Now, show me what you've got."

James grinned and eagerly opened his laptop, pulling up the venues he had found. As he scrolled through the options, he explained each one in detail, pointing out their features and potential benefits.

Regulus listened intently, nodding occasionally as James spoke. Once James had finished presenting the venues, he turned to Regulus with a hopeful expression. "So, what do you think?"

Regulus smiled, genuinely impressed by James's efforts. "I think you did a great job," he replied. "These venues all look promising. I think we'll be able to find the perfect one."

James's face lit up with a pleased smile. "Thanks, Reggie," he said gratefully. "I'm glad you like them.”

As James continued to elaborate on his ideas for securing funding for their project, Regulus found himself captivated not only by the content of his words but also by the way his face lit up with excitement. His brown eyes sparkled with enthusiasm, and Regulus couldn’t help but be drawn to the genuine passion in his expression.

Leaning in slightly closer, Regulus found himself mesmerized by the subtle details of James’s features. Despite his dark skin, there were a few freckles scattered across his cheeks, adding an endearing charm to his appearance. Regulus couldn’t resist the urge to trace the pattern of freckles with his gaze.

He couldn't tear his gaze away from James's lips, noticing how full and inviting they looked. They held a natural rosy hue, contrasting beautifully against his skin. They were like a delicate canvas waiting to be explored, soft and supple, tempting him with their allure. Regulus couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to brush his own lips against his, to taste the warmth and sweetness hidden within.

Regulus felt his neck flush with embarrassment as he chastised himself for entertaining such thoughts. He shook his head vigorously, as if trying to physically dispel the intrusive images that had flashed through his mind. He couldn't believe he had allowed himself to entertain such fantasies about James, his brother’s best friend.

Taking a deep breath, Regulus forced himself to refocus on the conversation at hand. Yet he still found himself stealing glances at him, unable to resist the pull of his magnetic presence.

But along with admiration, there was also a sense of longing that gnawed at Regulus’s heart. He yearned to reach out and touch James, to feel the warmth of his skin beneath his fingertips. But he knew he had to keep his distance, to maintain the boundaries.

Later at night, Regulus couldn’t help but feel a pang of regret. He wished he could confess his feelings to James, to lay bare the truth of his desires. But he knew that doing so would only complicate things further, and he couldn’t bear the thought of risking their friendship for the sake of his own selfish desires.

He knew that after he comes back home and to his normal life, he would have to bury his feelings and carry on as if nothing had changed. But in the quiet moments of the night, when he was alone with his thoughts, he couldn’t help but wonder what could have been if he had been brave enough to follow his heart.

☆

“And this is me and Moony at the Edinburgh Castle.” Sirius showed him another picture. “And this is Moony drinking coffee. Oh and this is Moony trying to snach my phone because I’m taking pictures of him drinking coffee.”

Regulus chuckled as Sirius flipped through the photos on his phone. “Looks like you two had quite the adventure,” he remarked, his voice tinged with amusement.

Sirius nodded enthusiastically, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “Oh, we did! Moony read all the guides about Edinburgh and he showed me all the best places to visit,” he said fondly, his gaze lingering on the images of his boyfriend.

Regulus couldn’t help but feel a twinge of envy as he looked at the photos. He wished he could be as carefree and spontaneous as Sirius, but he knew that wasn’t who he was.

Despite his inner worries, Regulus remained engaged in Sirius’s stories, offering occasional nods and smiles as his brother painted vivid pictures of his trip. With each passing moment, Regulus found himself drawn further into the warmth of Sirius’s laughter and the genuine affection his brother had for his boyfriend.

But when the conversation came to an end and Sirius put away his phone, Regulus felt sadness wash over him. He knew that he could never truly be a part of Sirius’s world, no matter how much he longed to be.

As Sirius bid him goodnight and took his thing to go sleep in James’s room, Regulus was left alone with his thoughts, the weight of his solitude pressing down on him like a suffocating blanket. Tomorrow, he would have to return to his cold home, where the echoes of his own loneliness would be his only companions.

“Sirius, wait!,” he called out.

Sirius turned back, his brow furrowed in concern. “Did I forget something?” he asked, glancing at the pile of belongings in his hands.

Regulus hesitated, feeling a pang of vulnerability. He felt like a child, seeking comfort from his older brother. “No, but… could you…” He struggled to find the words, his throat suddenly tight with emotion. “Could you maybe stay here tonight? If it’s not too much trouble,” he finally managed to say, his voice barely above a whisper.

Sirius regarded him for a moment, his expression softening with understanding. Without a word, he set down his belongings and walked back to Regulus, sitting next to him on the bed.

"Of course, Reggie," Sirius said gently, a reassuring smile tugging at his lips.

A sense of relief flooded through Regulus, and he managed a small, grateful smile in return. “Thanks, Sirius,” Regulus murmured.

Sirius chuckled softly, giving his brother a playful nudge. “No problem, little bro,” he replied, his eyes twinkling with affection. “And hey, at least I won’t have to put up with James’s snoring.”

After a while, Sirius returned from the bathroom and threw himself on the bed next to Regulus. They lay in the darkness facing each other for a while until Sirius broke the silence.

Regulus could feel the weight of Sirius's gaze, his eyes searching his face for any sign of distress or discomfort. "Do you want to tell me why you came back earlier from your trip?"

Regulus hesitated, his fingers idly tracing the folds of the duvet covering him. "Not really," he whisked.

Sirius propped himself up on one elbow, studying Regulus intently. "Do I need to kick someone’s arse?"

Regulus managed a weak chuckle, despite the heaviness in his chest. "No, you don’t. I don’t need you fixing my issues. And this one is probably my fault anyway," he sighed.

Sirius reached out and ruffled Regulus’s hair gently. “But I want to help. It’s my big brother duty.”

“You are not able to fix everything in my life, Sirius. You can’t fix me, okay?!” Regulus snapped.

His words hung in the air, a heavy silence settling between them, and Regulus felt the weight of his outburst wash over him, mixed with guilt and remorse.

After a long pause, Sirius sighed softly. “Reggie, I’m not trying to fix you,” he said. “And I know you know that.”

Regulus knew his brother wasn’t trying to impose a solution or mend him like a broken object. But it just wasn’t that simple.

“You’re the only family I have and I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you.” Sirius’s voice started cracking and Regulus felt his heart tightening. “And I know you are so smart, so independent and so incredibly brave. And you can handle so much. But-but… But people can be awful and life could be awful and what if I’m not there and I will lose you.”

Regulus's heart sank as he grasped the depth of Sirius's fear. It wasn't just about losing him physically; it was the thought of losing him to the darkness that lurked within their shared history, to the demons that haunted them both. Regulus's chest tightened with a mixture of sadness and understanding.

He reached out and gently squeezed Sirius's hand, offering what comfort he could in the face of such deep-seated anxieties. "I'm not going anywhere, Sirius," he murmured, his voice laced with determination. "I promise."

Sirius’s grip tightened on Regulus’s hand, his eyes reflecting a mixture of relief and gratitude.

Regulus could feel the weight of Sirius’s unspoken words, the silent plea for reassurance and understanding. He knew that their bond ran deeper than mere words could express, anchored in the shared experiences and unspoken truths that had shaped their lives.

“I know,” Sirius whispered, his voice thick with unspoken feelings. “I know you’ll fight.”

☆

Regulus stood in the familiar entryway of his house, his gaze sweeping over the floors and furniture. Despite being away for just a week, returning home felt strangely foreign, like stepping into a past life he had thought he had behind him. While he missed the comfort of his own bed and the scent of his room, being back in the imposing walls of this place filled him with a sense of unease.

As he stepped inside, Regulus couldn’t shake the nagging thought that lingered in the back of his mind. Did Mother even miss him?

In his mind's eye, he imagined her welcoming him with a warm smile, her voice filled with genuine affection as she expressed how much she had missed him during his absence.

But deep down, Regulus knew that such scenarios were nothing more than wishful thinking, mere fantasies crafted to soothe the ache in his heart. The reality was far harsher, far more unforgiving.

As he wandered through the silent halls of his home, he heard the faint sounds of his mother moving about in another part of the house. Despite his return, she didn't emerge to greet him, further emphasizing the emotional distance between them.

Regulus couldn't help but feel a bit of disappointment. Deep down, he knew he should follow Sirius's example and let go of any hope for change in his mother.

Yet, despite his rational mind urging him to accept the reality of their strained relationship, a part of him still clung to the hope that one day, his mother would truly see him for who he was. He longed for her to embrace him with the love and acceptance he had always yearned for, even though he knew the likelihood of that happening was slim.

His hope for change was like a shameful secret he carried within him. It was a persistent whisper in the back of his mind, a fragile belief that he dared not share with anyone else.

Regulus understood that holding onto this hope was irrational, that it only invited disappointment and heartache. He knew that anyone in their right mind would advise him against it. Perhaps that's why he never discussed it with Evan, Sirius, or even Barty. It was a fragile belief that he guarded closely, a silent yearning that he couldn't bring himself to share.

He tried to push aside the lingering thoughts about Mother and the longing for a change that seemed increasingly elusive. Instead, he tried to focus on the comforting familiarity of his room—the way the soft lamplight cast a warm glow over the space, the gentle rustle of the curtains in the breeze, and the faint scent of his favorite incense lingering in the air.

He settled into his desk chair, the familiar creak of its worn wood beneath him a reassuring reminder of countless hours spent lost in thought or buried in his studies. Pulling out his journal, he began to write, trying to focus on the scratch of his pen against the paper.

Suddenly Regulus winced as he almost physically felt a memory resurfacing. The moment he thought he could be responsible for Mother’s change of heart. When he asked her to meet him halfway.

Regulus’s heart sank as the memory of that bitter argument resurfaced, each word cutting deeper than the last. He couldn’t quite recall what had triggered the confrontation, but the venom in Mother’s voice was seared into his memory.

“Go on, tell your friends what a terrible mother I am!” her words echoed in his mind, dripping with disdain.

Regulus shook his head, his voice barely a whisper as he tried to defend himself. “I never said that. Please don’t twist my words.”

But Walburga was relentless, her accusations flying like arrows aimed straight at his heart. “You wish you had a different mother, don’t you? Someone who would cater to your every whim, like Evan’s mother. Well, go ahead then. Leave. See if I care.”

Regulus’s chest tightened at her words, a knot of guilt and sorrow forming in the pit of his stomach. “That’s not true,” he protested softly. “I love you, Mother.”

“Then start acting like that!” Walburga snapped, her words echoing in the tense silence that followed.

Regulus took a deep breath, trying to steady his trembling voice. “I’m sorry, Mother. I’m trying my best,” he said softly, his words tinged with desperation.

Walburga’s expression softened slightly, but the anger still smoldered in her eyes. “Your best isn’t good enough, Regulus,” she replied icily. “You need to do better. You need to be better.”

Regulus felt a surge of frustration bubbling up inside him. “I’m trying,” he insisted, his voice rising with emotion. “But you have to meet me halfway. You have to try too.”

His mother’s lips twisted into a scornful sneer. “I’ve done everything for you, Regulus. I’ve sacrificed so much. And this is how you repay me? By disobeying me, by disrespecting me?”

His hands were trembling with suppressed rage. “I’m not disrespecting you, Mother. I just want to live my own life, make my own choices. Please I just want you to be there for me.”

“That’s where your problem starts. You only want and want. But you can’t do anything about it and you come to me and expect my help.”

“It’s that so weird for a child to expect their mother’s support?” Regulus muttered under his breath, his words barely audible.

“What did you say?” Walburga snapped, her voice cutting through the tension-filled air.

Regulus swallowed hard, his heart pounding in his chest. “Nothing. I’m sorry, Mother,” he replied meekly, his eyes cast downward.

“That’s what I thought,” his Mother said with a dismissive wave of her hand, her tone dripping with disdain.

As he replayed the conversation in his mind, Regulus couldn’t help but wonder if there was something he could have done differently. If he had just been a better son, a more obedient child, would things have turned out differently? Would his mother have been happier?

A big, hot tear dropped onto the page of his journal, mixing with the ink from his pen. The weight of his emotions threatened to overwhelm him as he sat alone in his room, grappling with feelings of guilt, sadness, and frustration.

As he sat with his thoughts, the image of James appeared in his mind, unbidden. Regulus tried to push it away, to focus on something else, even his own hurtful thoughts but it was like a sun shining through the clouds of his mind, impossible to ignore.

It was as if James’s presence had permeated every corner of his consciousness, casting a comforting warmth that contrasted sharply with the coldness he felt.

Regulus muttered to himself, frustration evident in his voice. "Stupid Potter. Leave my head." But no matter how hard he tried to banish James from his thoughts, his presence lingered, stubbornly refusing to be ignored.

He shifted from his chair to his bed, but the warm thought of James followed him. Was it possible that he missed him? They said goodbye just a few hours earlier. And they weren’t even close. Why would he even miss him? Regulus couldn't shake the perplexing feeling that seemed to settle in his chest.

Regulus couldn’t deny the warmth and comfort he felt in James’s presence. It was a good feeling, one that he hadn’t experienced in a long time.

But the idea of allowing himself to feel such a powerful emotion terrified him. He was afraid of getting hurt, afraid of opening up to someone and being vulnerable. So he pushed the feeling aside, burying it beneath layers of denial and self-preservation, refusing to acknowledge the truth that lay beneath the surface.

Regulus pulled out his phone, hoping to distract himself. Opening the group chat for the trip he had just returned from, he found a flurry of photos and messages from his friends.

With a sense of detachment, he added his own photos to the mix before scrolling through the images. Smiling faces and dramatic poses filled the screen, accompanied by videos of outrageous antics and shared memories. Regulus almost chuckled at some of the absurdities captured on camera, but then he noticed something unsettling.

Amidst the joyful snapshots, he realized he was conspicuously absent. It wasn't just that he had left the trip early; even in the photos taken during his time there, he was nowhere to be seen. It was as if he had faded into the background, a ghostly presence haunting the edges of his friends' memories.

Regulus scrutinized each photo, straining to recall the exact moments they captured. Perhaps he should have been more outgoing, more vocal, he mused. Maybe then he would have naturally found himself at the center of the frame, instead of lingering on the sidelines like an afterthought.

He pondered whether he should speak up and ask his friends to include him more in their photos. But as he thought about it, he realized that the effortless inclusion his friends enjoyed in the group pictures was something he envied. For them, being in photos was natural, a part of their shared experiences. It wasn't something they had to consciously orchestrate or request.

Regulus sighed and locked his phone, ready to set it aside for the night. Just as he was about to do so, a new message popped up on his screen. It was from James, and attached was a photo of Regulus absorbed in a book sitting in an armchair.

Regulus's heart skipped a beat as he saw James's message. He couldn't help but smile at the unexpected photo. It was a simple yet intimate moment, and the fact that James had captured it made it all the more special.

Creep

He quickly replied, but deep down, he couldn’t deny the warmth and swirling emotions in his stomach.

A moment later, James's response came through.

But you looked so comfyyyy

Regulus’s cheeks flushed at the response, a mixture of embarrassment and delight flooding through him. He typed out a quick comeback, but before he could hit send, he hesitated, his thumb hovering over the screen.

Instead, he clicked the call button. James picked up immediately. “Are you okay? Did you forget something?”

Regulus's playful tone danced through the phone. "No, stupid," he retorted, though his smile was evident in his tone. "I just wanted to thank you for letting me stay and everything."

"Ah," James responded, surprised. "That was no problem... pleasure, I would rather say..."

Regulus chuckled. "Did you just get shy?"

Regulus's playful tone danced through the phone. "Oh, so you're enjoying the role reversal?" James teased back, a hint of laughter in his voice.

"Maybe just a little," Regulus admitted, feeling a warmth spread through him.

James laughed softly. “Well, anytime you need a place to crash, you know where to find me. Or if you want to work on our project.”

Regulus smiled, appreciating James’s offer. “Thanks, James. I’ll keep that in mind. And yeah, we definitely need to work on our project.”

“Definitely.”

“Definitely.”

Chapter Text

Regulus hesitated before responding to Evan and Pandora’s birthday party invitation. Although he had seen Evan and Barty a few times since the trip, the idea of attending Evan's birthday party made him feel uneasy.

He realised this time he would have to get Evan a present by himself. He had always brought presents for Evan with Barty in the past, but now Barty might want to get him something on his own. Plus, Regulus wasn't sure if he wanted to involve Barty in the plans for Evan's gift, especially considering their complicated situation.

Regulus cherished the act of gift-giving, finding joy in the thoughtfulness it required. For him, it was about more than just the present itself; it was about showing that he remembered something special about the person, demonstrating that he paid attention to their likes and dislikes. Now, without Barty by his side, he felt a tinge of loneliness as he contemplated what gifts to bring to Evan and Pandora’s birthday party.

As Regulus lay in bed, the idea struck him like a bolt of lightning. Their love for board games and Evan’s habit of always carrying a deck of cards on their trips sparked an idea: what if he personalised a deck of cards for them?

Each card could hold something meaningful, connected to their friend group or shared memories. Excitement coursed through him as he grabbed his phone, eager to jot down his ideas before they slipped away. This gift would be more than just a present; it would be a tangible symbol of their friendship, a collection of cherished moments immortalized in playing cards.

Regulus's fingers flew across the screen as he fleshed out his ideas. Kings could feature photos of him, Evan and Barty. Queens could showcase pictures of Pandora and the girls.

Eights could be dedicated to their favourite snacks, each card adorned with images of the tasty treats they enjoyed together. Fives could represent their go-to drinks, from refreshing sodas to classic cocktails. And twos could highlight their favorite party spots, immortalizing the places where they danced, laughed, and made memories together.

As Regulus continued brainstorming, he felt a surge of excitement. This was more than just a gift; it was a way to encapsulate their friendship in a tangible form. Each card would tell a story, evoking laughter, nostalgia, and the bond they shared.

He made a note to include inside jokes, funny anecdotes, and personal touches that would make Evan and Pandora smile with every draw of a card. It was the perfect way to show how much their friendship meant to him, and he couldn't wait to bring his idea to life.

For the next two weeks, Regulus poured his heart and soul into crafting the personalised deck of cards. Each card was a labor of love, meticulously designed with its own unique touch and special meaning. As he put the finishing touches on the last card, a sense of satisfaction washed over him.

However, the final hurdle remained: finding a printing service that could bring his designs to life. Regulus hesitated before taking this step. While the idea of creating the personalised cards had filled him with excitement and creativity, the practical aspect of finding a printing place and making the necessary arrangements was daunting. He knew it was a crucial step to bring his vision to life, but the thought of making calls and inquiries made him feel uneasy.

Regulus found himself in a state of paralysis, unable to move forward with his plans despite knowing he had the capability to do so. It was as if an invisible barrier stood between him and his goal, holding him back with a force he couldn't quite comprehend.

He compared the sensation to standing before a burning stove, knowing he could easily push his hand down onto the flames, yet feeling an inexplicable resistance preventing him from doing so. Despite his best efforts to overcome this mental block, it seemed to grow stronger with each passing day, leaving him feeling frustrated and bewildered.

After days of feeling helpless, Regulus suddenly had an idea. He took out his phone and texted James.

Will you help me if I show you something cool?

Regulus received a prompt response.

Can I choose what I get? I want a picture of you smiling.

Rolling his eyes, Regulus replied.

No.

James responded with an abundance of crying emojis but then reassured Regulus that he would always help him.

Regulus took a screenshot of his project and sent it to James.

I wanted to make something special for Evan and Pandora’s birthday (my friend and his sister, I told you about them), so I’ve designed personalised card deck. But I have some trouble finding a place that would print it and make them into actual cards you can play with. Can you help me with this?

Regulus felt a knot of anxiety tightening in his stomach as he waited for James's response. The longer the silence stretched, the more his nerves began to fray.

Regulus's mind spiraled into a whirlwind of self-doubt and worry. What if James saw his project as silly or juvenile? What if he thought Regulus should be able to handle finding a printing place on his own, and saw him as incompetent? The weight of these doubts pressed down on him, threatening to crush his confidence.

Regulus nearly typed out a message telling James to forget about his question, but then a response finally appeared on his screen.

I have no words. This is the best birthday present I have ever seen. This is just wow. Reggie, you are a genius and an artist, and wow. I will absolutely help you out.

Regulus couldn’t help but smile at James’s enthusiastic response, filled with praise and support. He knew he shouldn’t associate his mood with the opinions of others, but somehow, James’s approval held a special significance to him.

It made him pause and reflect on why he placed such importance on James’s opinion compared to others'. He had always prided himself on his independence and self-reliance. Yet, there was something about James that made him second-guess himself, that made him crave his approval more than he cared to admit.

☆

Regulus woke up to the sound of his phone ringing, the sunlight filtering through the curtains indicating it was already morning. With a yawn, he reached for his phone and saw James's name flashing on the screen.

"Good morning, James. You woke me up," Regulus said, his voice still tinged with sleepiness as he rubbed his eyes.

"Oh, I thought you get up early for work. Sorry about that, Reggie," James replied, his voice brimming with excitement. "But I've found a printing place for your card deck!"

“I have a day off today, but what? Regulus's eyes widened in surprise. “You did? That's amazing! How did you manage to find one so quickly?"

"I made a few calls and found a place that specializes in printing various custom things. They loved your designs and said they could have them ready in 4 days if you sent them a file today." James explained eagerly.

Regulus couldn't contain his grin. "That's incredible, James! Thank you so much for helping me out with this."

"No problem at all, Reggie. I'm just glad I could be of assistance," James said warmly.

Regulus felt a surge of gratitude towards James, not just for finding the printing place, but for his unwavering support and encouragement throughout the process. He couldn't help but think how lucky he was to have a someone like James by his side.

“Reggie?” James spoke hesitantly. “What’s a bleed?”

“A bleed?” Regulus repeated, puzzled. “In printing, it’s the area extending beyond the final size of a piece that’s trimmed off after printing to ensure the design extends all the way to the edge without leaving any white borders.”

“Oh… okay.” James responds enigmatically.

Regulus chuckled. “Did they mention bleeds, and it threw you off because it sounded like ‘bleeding,’ so you got confused?”

“Um hmm,” James responded slowly, a hint of sheepishness in his tone. “But it’s all Lily’s fault. She was responsible for all the printing for Creativa, so I had no place to find out what it is.”

Regulus couldn’t help but laugh. “Don’t throw Lily under the bus like that.”

James chuckled. “I’m just trying to save my face.”

Regulus grinned. "Well, you better thank Lily later for being your scapegoat."

"Yeah, I owe her one. Anyway, I'm glad I could help you out with this."

"Me too," Regulus replied gratefully. "Thanks a lot, James. You're a lifesaver."

"No problem, Reggie. Anything for you.”

☆

A week before the party, Barty texted him, asking if Regulus knew Evan had ever been to a dinner in darkness. Regulus glanced at the message, the first one he'd received from his ex-best friend since their trip, and it wasn't even about them.

Regulus hesitated before responding. He wasn't sure how to feel about Barty reaching out, especially with a question that seemed random and unrelated to their recent interactions.

After a moment, he replied.

I'm not sure. Why do you ask?

Barty quickly explained.

I want to take Evan to Dans le Noir for his birthday, but I don't want to choose a place he's already been to. Especially with Mulciber.

Regulus responded briefly.

I'm not sure, but if he had been there, we probably would have heard about it.

Barty replied shortly after.

Thanks, Reg.

Regulus stared at their messages on his phone screen, feeling a mix of longing and sadness wash over him. He questioned himself as he scrolled through their conversation. Wasn't this what he wanted? To maintain mates, but accepting they were no longer as close as before? Yet, despite his efforts to convince himself, he couldn't shake the emptiness in his chest.

☆

Evan and Pandora’s birthday party was in their family house in Brighton. Regulus found comfort in house parties, he knew everyone, or at least he was certain there were no strangers lurking about. The playlist was Pandora’s creation, and of course, the cost-effective store-bought alcohol made for a much more economical option compared to drinks at clubs.

The party had a themed dress code: boys in black, girls in white. Fortunately, Regulus’s wardrobe was already a sea of black, so meeting the attire requirement was a breeze. Plus, it meant he wouldn’t fret if someone accidentally spilled a drink on him.

After finishing his ensemble, Regulus added a few black stars with eyeliner for a touch of flair. With Evan and Pandora's presents securely stashed in his bag, he checked the time and found himself perfectly on schedule. Gathering his things, he made his way downstairs to the door.

As he passed his Mother, he felt her gaze upon him. "What?" Regulus questioned, meeting her eyes.

"Nothing," she dismissed with a roll of her eyes. "You know I don’t approve of those decorations on your face."

Regulus shrugged off his Mother's disapproval with a sigh. "It's just a bit of fun, Mother," he replied, his tone tinged with exasperation.

She shook her head, a disapproving frown etched on her face. "You should start paying more attention to how you look."

Regulus resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "I'll keep that in mind, Mother," he said, his voice laced with sarcasm as he headed out the door, eager to escape her judgmental gaze.

He felt a wave of relief wash over him as he spotted Dorcas and Marlene waiting for him at the train station. The prospect of entering the party alone had been nagging at him, so seeing familiar faces put him at ease. He couldn't quite explain why it was so important to him to walk in with someone, but perhaps it was just one of his habits, ingrained over the years without a clear explanation.

Or maybe it was his way of adhering to the concept of being fashionably late, a notion he never quite understood but felt compelled to follow nonetheless.

As they walked towards Evan and Pandora's house, Regulus couldn't shake the feeling of anticipation mixed with a hint of nervousness. Despite attending numerous parties like this before, he still felt a twinge of anxiety every time he approached a social event.

Dorcas and Marlene chatted animatedly beside him and as they neared the house, the sound of music and laughter grew louder, signaling the lively atmosphere within. Regulus took a deep breath, steeling himself for the inevitable onslaught of social interactions. With Dorcas and Marlene by his side, he pushed open the door and stepped into the warmth of the party.

Regulus quickly located Evan and Pandora amidst the bustling crowd.

"Do you have a clean surface? I think I need to explain the present before I give it to you," Regulus said with a smile.

"Sure, follow me," Evan replied, amusement dancing in his eyes.

Regulus spread the cards out on the table, meticulously explaining the significance of each one. As he finished, he looked up at Evan and Pandora, a hopeful expression on his face.

"This is incredible, Regulus," Pandora exclaimed, her eyes shining with appreciation. "I can't believe you put so much thought and effort into this. Did you make these cards yourself?"

Evan nodded eagerly. "Yeah, seriously, this is amazing. The level of detail is insane! How did you come up with all of this?"

Regulus beamed at their enthusiastic response, feeling a surge of pride. "I'm glad you like it. And yes, I designed and personalized each card myself. It took a lot of brainstorming, but it was worth it to see your reactions."

Regulus watched as Evan and Pandora flipped through the cards, their excitement palpable. Seeing their genuine joy made all the effort worth it.

Pandora pointed to a card depicting their favorite hangout spot. "Remember when we spent hours here just talking and laughing?"

Evan nodded, his eyes lingering on another card showing his favourite hungover snack. "And this one! It's like you captured our entire friendship in these cards."

Regulus felt a warmth spread through him as he listened to them reminisce.

As the party continued, Regulus found himself chatting with friends and enjoying the lively atmosphere. As the clock struck midnight, the alcohol had flowed freely, and everyone was in high spirits.

Noticing that Barty and Evan were nowhere to be found, Regulus decided to hit the dance floor for a while. But as the hours passed and his legs began to tire, he sought a quieter moment and joined Pandora on the patio.

They sat together, enveloped in the soft glow of string lights, sharing stories and laughter amidst the gentle night breeze. It was a serene moment amidst the chaos of the party, and Regulus cherished the opportunity to connect with his friend in this intimate setting.

"Hey, Regulus," Emmeline approached them after a while. "Could you come with me? I think Evan and Barty got into a fight. Evan seems really drunk."

"Of course," Regulus replied, concern flickering in his eyes as he rose from his seat beside Pandora.

Emmeline guided him to the front of the house, where Evan sat with Marlene.
“Marls, I'll take over,” Regulus murmured, and Marlene gratefully relinquished her spot, joining Emmeline as they disappeared into the party.

Regulus settled beside Evan, concern etched on his face. “What happened?”

Evan's voice was thick with frustration. “Fuck you, Reg. I tried talking to you, but you ignored me.”

Regulus blinked in disbelief. Was he truly that oblivious? “Are you sure it was me? I don’t recall you approaching me.”

Evan hiccuped and looked at him angrily.

Regulus felt a pang of hurt at Evan's accusation. "Evan, I'm sorry if it seemed that way, but I honestly don't remember you trying to talk to me," he replied, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

Evan's eyes bore into Regulus's, filled with frustration and hurt. "You fucking ignored me. You're supposed to be my friend," he slurred, his words heavy with emotion.

He wasn't sure whether to trust Evan's words or his own recollection of the evening.

His voice softened as he tried to diffuse the tension. "Okay, I'm really sorry if I seemed preoccupied. Please, tell me what's going on," he said gently.

Regulus's heart sank as he heard Evan's whimper, realizing he was crying. "Oh, Evan," he murmured, wrapping his arm around his friend. "What happened?"

He felt a knot form in his stomach as Evan pressed his head into his shoulder and mumbled, "Barty happened."

Concern etched into his voice, Regulus gently probed further. "Can you try to give me a bit more? Did you two get in a fight?"

"He hates me," Evan whimpered, his voice choked with emotion. "He was mad at me because I'm not spending time with him. But it's my birthday party, and there are so many people I haven't seen in a while. I want to talk with them. But he's angry. He hates me."

Evan's voice trembled with frustration. "I don't understand what's happening. Last week, he told me he loved me. Love, Reg. We've only been together for a month, and he said he loved me. When he's drunk, he tells me he adores me, he wants a future with me. But then he acts like a total arse because I spend time with my friends."

Regulus listened, his heart sinking with each word. He couldn't fathom the emotional rollercoaster Evan was experiencing. "I'm sorry you're going through this, Evan," he said softly. "It sounds incredibly confusing and hurtful. Have you tried talking to Barty about how you feel?"

“I don’t want to fight with him.” Evan sighed.

Regulus nodded in understanding. "I get that. But maybe you two need to have a conversation about your feelings and expectations. Communication is key in any relationship, and if you don't talk about these things, they'll just keep bubbling under the surface."

"We're not very good at communication, Reg," Evan tried to smile, his voice tinged with sadness.

Regulus nodded understandingly. "It's okay, Evan. Maybe we can discuss this when you're not so drunk."

Evan chuckled softly, appreciating Regulus's attempt to lighten the mood.

"Come on, Ev. Let's go find Pandora, and then I'll see if I can track down Barty," Regulus suggested, offering Evan his arm for support as they made their way back into the party.

It turned out that it wasn’t that hard to spot Barty. Regulus quietly approached the scene, noticing Barty sitting on the couch with his head buried in his hands while Dorcas sat on the floor in front of him, engaged in a heated argument. He took a seat next to Dorcas, opting to observe and listen rather than interjecting.

"That's a 'you' problem, Barty. You have jealousy issues, and you don't have a right to be upset with Evan," Dorcas said, her tone laced with anger.

"It's between me and him. Fuck off, Dorcas," Barty muttered, his words slurred and indicative of his intoxicated state. Regulus couldn't help but notice that Barty seemed even drunker than Evan.

"Can I?" Regulus asked quietly, his voice barely audible over the party's music.

Dorcas glanced at him and nodded, moving back to give him space. "The floor is yours."

Regulus shifted closer to Barty, noting the tense lines in his face and the slump of his shoulders. "Barty, I understand you're feeling hurt that Evan's not paying attention to you, but remember, he wants to be with you. He chose you. It's just a party."

Barty's gaze remained fixed on the floor, but his brow furrowed in frustration. "But he doesn't want to spend time with me. He'd rather be with those other people."

Regulus placed a comforting hand on Barty's shoulder. "Your feelings are valid, Barty, but you need to communicate them with Evan. What do you think about you and Evan joining Evan's buddies and spending time with them together?"

Barty's expression softened slightly, and he shrugged. "That's okay, if I'm there."

Dorcas, rolling her eyes, stood up and excused herself from the conversation, leaving Regulus and Barty alone.

"I see," Regulus continued, undeterred. "So maybe you should talk about that with Evan."

“Maybe,” Barty agreed quietly, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

“But please talk with him tomorrow when you both are sober,” Regulus said warmly, his concern evident in his tone. “Do you want to go to him now and tell him that you care about him?”

Barty nodded, his movements slightly unsteady as he rose from the couch, his eyes reflecting a mix of emotions.

With a determined yet shaky step, Barty made his way toward where Evan was sitting with Pandora. Regulus watched him go, feeling a sense of relief that he had been able to intervene and hopefully diffuse the situation.

As Barty approached Evan, Regulus couldn't help but feel a glimmer of hope that their conversation would lead to a resolution. He stayed back, giving them space.

Regulus entered the kitchen where Dorcas regarded him with a mixture of frustration and disapproval. “You’re coddling him like he’s a child,” she remarked sharply. “He’s an adult and needs to take responsibility for his actions. I know you have a soft spot for him, but when he’s disrespectful to Evan, you shouldn’t just offer comfort and understanding.”

Regulus absorbed her words, feeling a twinge of guilt. She had a point, and he knew it. He often found himself trying to soothe Barty, perhaps out of habit or a desire to maintain peace, but he understood that it wasn’t always the best approach.

He shifted uncomfortably under Dorcas's gaze. "I was just trying to diffuse the situation," he explained.

Dorcas sighed, her expression softening. "I understand, but you can’t keep doing that by only saying things Barty wants to hear. Sometimes tough love is necessary."

“You’re right,” he conceded. “I’ll keep that in mind next time.” Despite his discomfort, he appreciated her honesty and insight.

"Don’t get sad," Dorcas said warmly, noticing the concern in Regulus's expression. "I know you tried your best. Do you want a drink?"

Regulus shook his head. "No, I'm fine. Thanks, Cas."

Dorcas nodded understandingly and made herself a drink before returning to the sitting room. Regulus followed suit, taking a deep breath to compose himself before rejoining the party.

As the party began to wind down, Regulus welcomed Emmeline's offer to drive him home. Grateful for teetotallers like her, he followed her to her car. On the way, he couldn't help but notice Evan and Barty nestled together on the couch, fast asleep in each other's arms.

☆

The next day Regulus texted Evan if he maybe talked with Barty.

Well… Kinda… We fucked and now we’re okay. Does that count as talking?

Regulus couldn't help but sigh as he read Evan's response. It seemed like their way of resolving things, although unconventional, worked for them. Regulus just hoped it would be sustainable in the long run.

Chapter Text

As the days melted into weeks and the beginning of the new academic year loomed closer, Regulus found himself grappling with the shifting dynamics within their friend group. He couldn't help but notice the peculiar pattern that seemed to define Barty and Evan's relationship. At times, especially when it was just the two of them, as Evan described it, they would be all lovey-dovey, wrapped up in each other's affection. Yet, during nights out or parties, their interactions often spiraled into heated arguments, leaving their friends awkwardly caught in the crossfire.

Regulus struggled to reconcile these conflicting facets of their relationship. How could two people swing from moments of intense passion to bouts of furious disagreement and then seamlessly return to a state of harmony with each other? It was a puzzle that gnawed at him, prompting him to question the nature of their bond and the depth of their connection.

As he observed their rollercoaster relationship, Regulus couldn't help but wonder if he was overanalyzing things. Perhaps he was investing more mental energy into deciphering their dynamic than either Barty or Evan were themselves. Yet, the curiosity lingered, leaving him pondering the complexities of human relationships and the mysteries of the heart.

Regulus couldn't help but marvel at Marlene's nonchalant attitude towards Barty and Evan's tumultuous relationship. While he grappled with understanding the complexities of their interactions, Marlene seemed to have adopted a more pragmatic approach. Instead of getting embroiled in the emotional whirlwind that often accompanied their arguments, she turned it into a game, placing bets on whether they would have a spat during their nights out.

It was a stark contrast to Regulus's own internal struggle to comprehend the ebb and flow of their relationship. While Marlene approached it with a sense of detached amusement, Regulus found himself caught in a web of questions and uncertainties. Was it healthy for them to constantly cycle through moments of passion and discord? Did their intense arguments ultimately strengthen their bond, or did they merely paper over deeper issues?

Regulus enivied a bit her ability to distance herself from the emotional turbulence that defined Barty and Evan's relationship. Perhaps, he mused, it was time to adopt a similar mindset and simply accept their dynamic for what it was—a unique and unpredictable journey filled with highs and lows.

Especially because the upcoming start of the academic year brought with it a flurry of activity, particularly regarding his project, Inner Voice, and the organization of its first night.

"Everything will be fine," James reiterated as they sat in the cozy confines of the coffee shop. "People from Creativa will all be there, some will even perform their spoken word poetry. The bar we chose was very excited to work with us. There is nothing that can go wrong."

Regulus wanted to believe James's words wholeheartedly, to embrace his unwavering confidence in their project's success. Yet, lingering doubts nagged at the corners of his mind, fueled by the pressure to ensure everything ran smoothly on the night of the event. Despite James's reassurances, Regulus couldn't shake the feeling that there were countless ways in which things could veer off course.

Taking a sip of his coffee, Regulus forced a smile, masking his inner turmoil. "I hope you're right," he replied, the uncertainty in his voice betraying his facade of confidence.

“Tell me what’s the worst that could happen?” James asked.

Regulus paused, contemplating James’s question. What was the worst that could happen? It was a daunting thought, one that he had been avoiding, yet it lingered at the back of his mind like a persistent shadow.

“Well,” Regulus began slowly, choosing his words carefully. “There’s always the possibility of technical issues during the event. Sound systems failing, performers not showing up, or worse, the audience not connecting with the material. And then there’s the fear of low turnout, despite all our efforts to promote Inner Voice.”

As he spoke, Regulus felt the weight of their project’s uncertainties pressing down on him. The thought of their carefully laid plans unraveling before their eyes filled him with a sense of dread.

“Is that all?” James said slowly.

Regulus glanced at James, his brow furrowing in thought. “Well, I suppose there’s also the possibility of negative feedback or criticism from the audience or reviewers,” he admitted reluctantly. “And I can… don’t know… lose my nerve and um… fucking piss my pants on top of it all.”

James chuckled softly. “Okay. And if all of those bad things happen. What would you do?”

Regulus pondered James's question for a moment, considering the various scenarios he had just outlined. Taking a deep breath, he responded with a newfound resolve in his voice.

"Well," he began, his tone more determined, "if all of those bad things were to happen, I suppose the only thing we can do is face them head-on. We'd find solutions to the technical issues, adapt our plans if necessary, and do our best to engage with the audience despite any challenges. And as for negative feedback or criticism, well, we'd take it in stride, learn from it, and use it to improve for the future. As for the possibility of... uh, accidents," he added with a sheepish smile, "well, I'd just have to laugh it off and carry on. Or hope James Potter would save me somehow. After all, the show must go on, right?"

Regulus felt a sense of reassurance wash over him as he spoke. “I see what you did there, and I’m not sure if I liked it,” he said with a raised brow.

James grinned mischievously. “But it helped, right? To know you can manage even the darkest scenario?”

Regulus nodded slowly, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. “Yeah, I guess it did.”

“Are your friends coming to see the first night?” James asked stretching his arms.

Regulus shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Um, I'm not sure," he replied hesitantly. "I didn't really think to invite them. I mean, I wasn't sure if they'd be interested, and... well, the project feels kinda intimate to me, you know? I guess I'm just a bit anxious about putting it on such a public display."

James nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I get that. But I think your friends would love to see what you've been working on. And besides, Inner Voice deserves to be shared with as many people as possible."

Regulus considered James's words, a sense of uncertainty still lingering. "Maybe you're right," he conceded with a small sigh. "I'll think about it. But hey, I invited Sirius, right?”

James chuckled in response. “I wouldn’t exactly call it an invitation. You basically told Remus he could bring Sirius along if he felt like it.”

Regulus shrugged. “I figured Remus has a genuine appreciation for literature and art. As for Sirius…” He trailed off, a wry smile tugging at his lips. “Well, let’s just say I’m not expecting him to be the most cultured of guests.”

"Hey, Sirius has his own charm," James defended. "He may not be into literature, but he's got his own artistic flair."

Regulus raised an eyebrow. "Oh, is that what you call setting the kitchen on fire while attempting to cook?"

James laughed. "Exactly! It's a form of art... in a way."

Regulus huffed. "If he dares to pull the 'proud big brother' act, I'll probably just set him on fire."

James pouted slightly. "Nooo, please don’t do that.”

☆

Regulus found himself grappling with the dilemma of how to extend invitations to his friends for the event. He didn't want to come across as too pushy or needy, but at the same time, he wanted them to feel included and valued.

He decided to simply send a message to their group chat, informing them about the event and extending an open invitation. This way, they would know they were welcome to attend, but wouldn’t feel pressured to do so.

Dorcas and Marlene apologised immediately that they won’t be able to be there but they said to text them all the details and they will try to be there next time.

Regulus understood their reasons for not being able to attend and appreciated their apologies. He realized that perhaps he hadn't been vocal enough about the details of the event, leading them to make other plans. He couldn't blame them for that.

On the bright side, Pandora confirmed her attendance, which lifted his spirits. And hope that Evan and Barty would be there as well brought him a sense of reassurance.

☆

Regulus felt a surge of fulfilment as he attended his first day of classes. The anticipation of delving into his chosen specialty, marketing communication in digital media, filled him with true excitement. While all the options had seemed enticing, a conversation with Lily, who had pursued the same specialty during her Bachelor's degree, solidified his decision. He was confident that he had made the right choice for his academic path.

As he sat in his room, Regulus meticulously went over his opening speech for the next day's Inner Voice event. Though not lengthy, it carried significant weight, serving as both a greeting and a brief exposition on the event's significance. Despite its brevity, Regulus couldn't shake off the nerves that came with the prospect of stepping onto the stage for the first time.

With each rehearsal, Regulus felt a little more confident, but the thought of standing in front of an audience still made his stomach churn. He paced back and forth, reciting his lines under his breath, trying to imprint them into his memory.

Polishing his speech, Regulus couldn't help but wonder how he would fare in the spotlight. Would his words resonate with the audience, or would he falter under the pressure? It was a daunting prospect, but one he knew he had to face head-on if Inner Voice was to succeed.

As the next day arrived, Regulus found himself standing behind the curtain, feeling the weight of anticipation pressing down on him. An hour remained before the crowd would start to gather.

“Touch okay?” James's voice cut through Regulus's thoughts.

Regulus hesitated for a moment before nodding silently.

“Yours okay,” he mumbled under his breath.

Seconds later, he found himself enveloped in James’s comforting embrace, the rhythmic rocking motion and reassuring words calming his nerves.

Regulus closed his eyes, allowing himself to be swayed by James's embrace. For a moment, the anxiety and uncertainty melted away, replaced by a sense of warmth and reassurance.

Unfortunately his moment with James was interrupted by Mary’s call to check the lights. As he joined her, she explained the setup with a warm smile. "Take a look," she said, gesturing towards the lighting setup. "During performances, the lights will be focused on the stage so the performers can concentrate without distractions. But once they finish," she adjusted the lights, "we'll spotlight the audience, giving them a chance to bask in the applause."

Regulus nodded, impressed by the thoughtful design. It was a small detail, but it showed Mary’s attention to the performers’ experience. “You are the best, Mary.”

They spent the next hour making final preparations backstage, ensuring everything was in place for the start of Inner Voice. Despite Regulus’s nerves, he couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement building within him. This event was the culmination of months of hard work and dedication, and he was eager to see it all come together.

As the audience began to trickle in, Regulus took a deep breath, steeling himself for the moment when he would step out onto the stage to deliver his opening speech. He glanced over at James, who offered him an encouraging smile, and felt a surge of gratitude for his unwavering support.

With a final check of his notes, Regulus stepped out from behind the curtain and into the spotlight. As he began to speak, his voice steady and confident, he knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, he was ready to face them head-on. Inner Voice was about to begin, and he was determined to make it a night to remember.

Mary ran up to Regulus, her eyes shining with excitement. "You were perfect," she exclaimed. "Now, here's your headset. Let's make it happen."

Regulus nodded, his heart racing with anticipation. With the headset securely in place, he felt a surge of energy coursing through him. Inner Voice was about to unfold before his eyes, and he was ready to dive in headfirst.

As Alice took the stage, Regulus felt a twinge of surprise. Of course he knew the order of performers, but it still shocked him that Alice wanted to join them today. He knew her from Creativa, but they had never spoken much before. Yet here she was, volunteering to be the first performer of the night. It was unexpected, but also a testament to the community they had built with Creativa. Regulus watched with curiosity as Alice began to share her piece, eager to see what she had to offer.

He listened intently to Alice's performance, but his attention was drawn to Lily and James sitting in the corner. He took a few steps closer, not wanting to interrupt them, but curious about their conversation. Lily was one of the performers for the night, and James seemed to be giving her a pep talk, offering words of encouragement and support.

Regulus couldn't help but admire the way James interacted with Lily. There was a warmth in his eyes, a genuine sincerity that made Regulus's heart flutter. He found himself captivated by James's presence, the way he offered comfort and encouragement effortlessly. In that moment, Regulus realized just how much he admired James, not just for his talents or charisma, but for the kindness and compassion he showed to those around him. It was a feeling he couldn't quite put into words, a mixture of admiration, fondness, and something deeper that he couldn't fully grasp.

He couldn't shake the feeling that if he could, he would steal James away and keep him close, basking in the warmth of his presence forever. But he knew that would be like stealing the sun from the sky, leaving everything in darkness. James was like a beacon of light in his life, illuminating even the darkest corners with his infectious energy and unwavering kindness. As much as Regulus longed to have James all to himself, he knew that James belonged to the world, spreading his light wherever he went. And so, Regulus resigned himself to admiring James from afar, content to bask in the glow of his presence whenever he could.

Regulus peeked through the curtain to catch a glimpse of the audience. His eyes quickly found Sirius and Remus, with Remus towering above the rest, even when seated. He spotted Pandora and Emmeline at the back, their heads bent in conversation. But he couldn't see Evan or Barty, though he chalked it up to the glare of the stage lights obscuring his view.

As the event drew to a close, Regulus felt a weight lift off his shoulders. Everything had gone smoothly, and he could sense the positive energy in the room. People were chatting and ordering drinks at the bar, which gave him hope that they might be able to host the next edition of Inner Voice at the same venue. Lily's performance was the perfect finale, and as she took her bow, Regulus felt a sense of pride swell within him.

Then James took the stage and addressed the audience. Regulus couldn’t help but admire the way he effortlessly captivated the crowd.

“Join us for the next chapter of Inner Voice,” James declared, his voice resonating through the room. “Follow Creativa on social media for updates and be a part of our growing community.”

In that moment, as James stood confidently on the stage, Regulus couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of connection to him. James had a way of bringing people together, not just with his words, but with his genuine warmth and sincerity. As Regulus watched him, a realization dawned upon him – he couldn’t imagine Inner Voice without James, but more than that, he couldn’t imagine his own life without him.

The thought struck Regulus with a profound sense of clarity. James wasn’t just a friend or a collaborator – he was someone who had become an integral part of his life, someone he relied on, someone he cared deeply about. In that moment, amidst the applause and the excitement, Regulus knew that James meant more to him than he had ever dared to admit. And as he gazed at him, a silent promise formed in his heart – he would do whatever it took to keep James by his side, always.

As James bounded off the stage, he practically sprinted over to Regulus, his eyes alight with excitement. Without a moment's hesitation, he cupped Regulus's face in his hands.

"Reggie, we did it!" James exclaimed, his voice filled with genuine joy.

Regulus felt himself melting into James's touch, a something spreading through him that went beyond the physical contact.

Their eyes met, and for a moment, the world seemed to stand still around them. In that fleeting instant, Regulus felt an overwhelming sense of connection with James, as if they were the only two people in the room.

As they stood there, lost in each other’s gaze, Regulus felt a warmth in his chest. It was a feeling he couldn’t quite put into words, but it was undeniable. It was as if everything in that moment had fallen into place, and he couldn’t help but wonder if James felt it too.

“Do you want a drink? Sirius saved as a spot at their table.” James asked.

Regulus nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Sure, I could use a drink," he replied, his voice soft yet filled with warmth.

As James took his hand, Regulus followed willingly, feeling a rush of adrenaline at the contact. As they passed Mary, who was busy instructing Frank on dismantling the equipment, Regulus offered to assist.

"Need a hand?" he asked, glancing back at Mary with a smile.

But Mary waved him off with a reassuring smile. "Go on, relax. I've got this," she said confidently.

With a nod of gratitude, Regulus continued on with James to join Sirius and Remus at their table.

As they approached, Sirius swiftly pulled Regulus aside. "Hey, can I steal you for a moment?" he asked, guiding Regulus out of earshot from the others.

Regulus glanced at him, curiosity evident in his expression. "What's up?"

Sirius grinned. "Nothing major, just wanted to say congrats. James told me to tone down the gushing, but I couldn't resist."

Regulus rolled his eyes. “You have ten seconds.”

“You are so amazing, so great. I am so proud of you. My little brother doing such big things. And you are so inspiring and incredibly smart-“ Sirius said in one breath and hugged him tightly.

"Ten," Regulus reminded him, but as Sirius began to pull away, Regulus stopped him with a gentle touch.

"Oh," Sirius whispered, his embrace tightening as they held onto each other for a moment longer.

Regulus awkwardly patted Sirius on the back before finally pulling away. He appreciated the sentiment behind Sirius’s words, even if they were a bit over-the-top for his taste.

As they rejoined the others inside, Regulus felt his phone buzzing. It was Evan calling.

“Hey Ev, where are you? I couldn’t see you from the back of the stage,” Regulus said as he picked up the phone.

“Reg, I’m so sorry. I fucked up,” Evan said with guilt in his voice. “We fell asleep and just woke up. Is it still going? I feel so bad.”

Regulus sighed softly. “No, it finished about ten minutes ago.” Regulus masked his disappointment with a forced nonchalance. "But no worries, Evan. It's fine," he replied, his tone betraying none of the sadness he felt. "We'll catch up another time."

"Yeah, sorry again, Reg. I feel awful," Evan said remorsefully.

Regulus managed a weak smile. "It's alright, Evan. Don't stress about it."

They exchanged brief farewells before Regulus hung up. He returned to the table where James, Sirius, and Remus were waiting. He plastered on a smile, hoping to hide the disappointment gnawing at him.

"Everything alright?" James asked, concern flickering in his eyes.

“I’m fine, I’ll go check on Pandora and see how she liked Inner Voice.” Regulus replied, trying to sound casual.

James nodded, his concern still evident in his eyes. “Alright, let me know if you need anything.”

Regulus nodded back, grateful for James’s concern, and headed off to find Pandora. Despite his efforts to appear unaffected, the disappointment lingered in the back of his mind.

As Regulus made his way through the crowd, he couldn't shake off the nagging feeling of disappointment. He found Pandora chatting with Emmeline near the bar and approached them with a smile.

"Hey, how did you like Inner Voice?" Regulus asked, trying to sound upbeat.

Pandora's eyes lit up. "It was amazing! The performances were so powerful, and the atmosphere was electric. You guys did a fantastic job!"

Regulus's smile widened at Pandora's enthusiastic response. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. We worked hard to make it happen."

Emmeline chimed in, "Yeah, it was such a great experience. You should be proud of yourself, Regulus."

Pandora turned to Regulus with a curious expression. “Who was the last performer, by the way? The girl with red hair? I was charmed by her short poem.”

“That was Lily,” Regulus answered, a hint of pride in his voice. “She’s actually one of the creators of Creativa, and she really brought something special to the event. She is really special in general.”

Pandora nodded, impressed. “Well, she definitely left an impression. I’ll have to remember her name for next time.”

As Regulus basked in the praise from Pandora and Emmeline, the latter shuffled nervously, twirling a strand of her hair between her fingers.

"Um, Regulus?" Emmeline began tentatively, "I was wondering... Could I, um, perform at the next Inner Voice event?"

Regulus's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but he quickly recovered and offered her a warm smile. "Of course, Emmeline! We'd love to have you participate."

Emmeline's face lit up with relief and excitement. "Really? That's great! Thank you so much!"

Regulus nodded, feeling pleased that Emmeline wanted to get involved. "Absolutely. We're always looking for new voices to join us."

Emmeline hesitated for a moment before speaking again. "Um, would it be okay if I sang?"

Regulus nodded enthusiastically. "Of course! We welcome all forms of expression. I'm sure your singing will be a wonderful addition to the event."

Emmeline's smile widened, and she thanked him profusely before turning to Pandora to tell her about what she wanted to perform at Inner Voice.

After bidding farewell to Pandora and Emmeline, Regulus wandered through the crowd, mingling with the attendees and soaking in the post-event atmosphere. He spotted familiar faces from Creativa and exchanged pleasantries with them, relishing in the sense of community that had been fostered by Inner Voice.

As he moved through the room, Regulus couldn't shake the lingering disappointment from Evan's absence. He knew Evan had apologized, but the sting of disappointment still lingered. He tried to push the feeling aside, reminding himself that everyone made mistakes, but it was difficult to shake off entirely.

Lost in his thoughts, Regulus found himself near the bar, where he caught sight of Sirius, wrapped in Remus’s arms, engaged in animated conversation with James. He debated joining them but ultimately decided against it, not in the mood for small talk.

Instead, he opted to slip out quietly, craving a moment of solitude to collect his thoughts and process the events of the evening. As he stepped outside, the cool night air enveloped him, offering a welcome respite from the warmth of the crowded venue. Regulus took a deep breath, letting the quiet of the night soothe his frayed nerves.

Regulus leaned against the wall, savoring the tranquility of the night. He closed his eyes, allowing the events of the evening to replay in his mind. Despite the minor setbacks and moments of disappointment, he couldn't help but feel a sense of pride in what they had accomplished with Inner Voice.

Lost in his thoughts, Regulus didn't notice the figure approaching until they were standing right beside him.

"Regulus?" a familiar voice called out, pulling him from his reverie.

Regulus opened his eyes to see Lily standing before him, a warm smile gracing her lips. "Hey, I've been looking for you," she said, her voice tinged with excitement.

Regulus returned her smile, feeling a sense of relief at the sight of her. "Hey, Lily. What's up?" he asked, curious to know what had brought her out here.

Lily's eyes sparkled with enthusiasm as she leaned in closer. "I just wanted to say thank you for organising such an amazing event. It was incredible, and I'm so grateful to have been a part of it," she said earnestly.

Regulus felt a surge of gratitude wash over him at her words. "Thank you, Lily. I'm glad you enjoyed it," he replied sincerely. "Your performance was fantastic, by the way. You really captivated the audience."

Lily's smile widened at the compliment, and she brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Thank you, that means a lot coming from you," she said gratefully.

Regulus furrowed his brow in confusion, unsure of what Lily meant. "What do you mean?" he asked, a hint of curiosity lacing his voice.

Lily chuckled softly, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "I mean, you're the mastermind behind Inner Voice, aren't you?" she replied, her tone playful. "You're the one who brought us all together and made this event possible. So to hear that you enjoyed my performance means a lot."

Regulus's confusion melted away, replaced by a sense of warmth at Lily's words. He hadn't realized the impact he had on the event and those involved, and hearing Lily's appreciation touched him deeply.

"Oh," he said softly, a faint blush coloring his cheeks. “I-I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” she said softly. “Just know that your efforts haven’t gone unnoticed. Inner Voice has become something truly special, thanks to you.”

Regulus felt a lump form in his throat at her words. He had poured his heart and soul into organizing the event, but to hear someone acknowledge the impact of his work in such a genuine way was both humbling and uplifting.

“Thank you, Lily,” he said sincerely, meeting her gaze with gratitude.

After a while Lily excused herself and headed back inside to seek warmth, but Regulus remained outside the bar, feeling the cool night air brush against his skin. He leaned against the wall, lost in thought as he watched the stars twinkle overhead.

Despite the sense of accomplishment he felt for orchestrating a successful event, there was a lingering unease, hidden just beneath the surface.

He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but it was as if something crucial was missing from his life. There was a hollow ache in his chest that refused to be ignor-

“Hi Reggie, Lily told me you were hiding here,” James said, interrupting Regulus’s thoughts as he approached, his jacket in hand.

Regulus smirked, feeling a wave of warmth wash over him at James’s arrival. “Snitch,” he huffed, letting James put the jacket over his shoulders. “You don’t have to sit here with me, you know?”

James chuckled softly, shaking his head. “I know I don’t have to, but I want to. Besides, it’s a bit chilly out here. Thought you could use some company.” He leaned against the wall next to Regulus.

For a moment, they simply stood in comfortable silence, watching the stars.

“Are you up there tonight?” James asked suddenly looking at the sky.

Regulus glanced up, a wistful smile tugging at his lips. “I’m always up there,” he replied softly. “But no, Regulus isn’t visible tonight.”

“In this case, I’m glad I have you here,” James said, his eyes warm with sincerity.

Regulus rolled his eyes playfully. “God, you’re so cheesy,” he teased.

James grinned. “That’s not true. I’m lactose intolerant.”

“Ha ha, very clever.”

“I try my best to impress.” James’s smile widened.

“You don’t have to impress me.” Regulus added quietly.

His words must have caught James off guard, because he turned to look at him, his expression softening. James’s eyes held a mixture of surprise and something else Regulus couldn’t quite place. There was a brief moment of silence as James searched Regulus’s face, as if trying to decipher his words.

Finally, James spoke, his voice gentle. “I know I don’t have to, but I want to,” he admitted quietly, a hint of vulnerability in his tone.

Regulus felt a swirl of emotions within him—confusion, uncertainty, and a flicker of something else, again that thing he couldn't quite name. He searched James's eyes for any hint of what lay beneath his words, but James's gaze was steady, unwavering.

For a moment, they simply stood there, the weight of James's confession hanging in the air between them. Regulus struggled to find the right words, to articulate the jumble of thoughts and feelings swirling inside him.

"I... I appreciate that," he finally managed. "I just... I don't know what to say."

James nodded. “It’s okay,” he said gently. “You don’t have to say anything right now. Just know that you’re special and worth the attention.”

Regulus’s heart skipped a beat at James’s words. He wanted to say more, to express how much James meant to him. Yet, uncertainty held him back. Was James experiencing the same inexplicable warmth and emotions in his stomach, or was his kindness simply a reflection of his genuine character? Regulus couldn’t shake off the doubt that lingered in his mind, clouding his thoughts and keeping his true feelings at bay.

Lost in his thoughts, Regulus realized he was overthinking things again, a habit he couldn’t seem to shake when it came to James. He yearned for clarity, for a sign that would illuminate the path forward. But in that moment, all he could do was bask in the warmth of James’s presence and cherish every moment they shared.

With a soft sigh, Regulus leaned closer into James’s side, to which James instinctively opened his arms, creating a safe haven for Regulus to fall into. Regulus nestled against him, feeling the reassuring strength of James’s embrace.

"Hey, how's your Masters dissertation going? Did you find a supervisor yet?" Regulus inquired.

James's expression tensed slightly at the question. "It's... okay," he replied hesitantly. "But I don't really want to talk about it right now."

Regulus nodded understandingly. "Sure, no problem." He sensed James's discomfort and decided not to press the issue further. “So… did I tell you what specialty I chose?”

James turned to him, curiosity sparking in his eyes. “No, you haven’t. What did you pick?”

Regulus smiled, feeling a sense of pride as he shared his choice. “I chose marketing communication in digital media. It just seemed like the perfect fit for me,” he explained. “Lily actually recommended it to me. She had the same specialty during her Bachelor’s, and she said it was a great program.”

As they fell into easy conversation, Regulus couldn’t shake the feeling of unease. He made a mental note to check in with James about his dissertation another time, when the timing felt right.

For now, he was content to enjoy their moment together under the starry night sky, grateful for James’s comforting presence by his side.

Chapter Text

“I’m really really sorry.” Evan apologized again as he was pouring Regulus a drink.

They were both sitting in Evan’s flat, the late hour not deterring their conversation. It was already 4 in the morning, the perfect time for candid discussions.

“I feel like I don’t see you anymore, like I used to,” Evan confessed, a hint of sadness in his voice.

Regulus nodded slowly. “Well, you and Barty have been attached at the hip lately, like an old married couple,” he admitted with a wry smile.

Evan sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I know, I know. But you’re still my closest friend, Reg. I don’t want to lose that.”

"And how are you and Barty doing?" Regulus asked, genuinely interested.

Evan hesitated for a moment before answering. "We're... okay, I guess. We've had some rough patches recently, but we're working through it."

"If you ever need to talk about it, I'm here."

Evan sighed, a mix of frustration and affection evident in his voice. "It’s just… he’s amazing. I know he loves me. He tells me that all the time. And the sex is great, like truly, best sex I ever had in my entire life. But when we party, it’s like his brain stops working. He’s either an animal I can barely control or he gets mad at some stupid shite," he explained, his tone tinged with disappointment. "Sorry, I don’t want to speak badly about him. I love him."

“Relationships can be challenging, but it’s important to remember that you deserve to feel respected and valued, especially when you’re with someone you love.” Regulus paused, searching for the right words.

“He still listens to you, you know,” Evan interjected. “He often mentions your advice during our discussions. Your opinion matters to him.”

Regulus blinked in surprise. “He does?” he asked, a hint of disbelief in his voice.

Evan nodded earnestly. “Yeah, he does. I can tell he really values your input, even if he doesn’t always show it.”

Regulus felt a lump form in his throat at Evan's words. Despite the distance that had grown between them, knowing that he still held such significance in Barty's life was both comforting and bittersweet.

"I didn't realize," he admitted quietly, his emotions swirling inside him.

"Just thought you should know," Evan added with a small smile.

Regulus frowned, his brows knitting together in frustration. “If he still values our friendship, why hasn’t he made an effort to reconnect?” he wondered aloud.

Evan shrugged sympathetically. “You know him,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “He’s too proud, and your decision to step back probably hurt his ego more than he’d like to admit.”

Regulus sighed. “I just wish things could go back to how they used to be.”

“It’s in the past now. But if you want to mend things, you might need to take the first step.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m just saying, you can be the bigger person,” Evan suggested gently.

Regulus straightened up, a hint of defiance in his eyes. “With all due respect,” he began firmly, “I’m not apologizing for what I did. Maybe it was rushed, maybe it was immature, but that decision was a moment of dedication that I could finally be proud.”

Evan nodded, acknowledging Regulus’s stance. “I understand,” he said softly. “But sometimes, letting go can be a powerful thing.”

Regulus's expression hardened. "I appreciate your concern, Evan, but I've made my decision," he stated firmly. "For once in my life, I put myself first, and I won't back down from that. I won't apologize for prioritizing my own well-being."

Evan regarded him with understanding eyes, realizing that Regulus had reached a point of self-assurance he had never seen before. "I respect that," he said sincerely. "Just know that if you ever change your mind, I'll be here to support you."

"I know. But please don’t push me. I really want to stay by this decision."

"Of course, I won't push you," Evan assured him. "Your decision is yours to make."

"Thank you," Regulus replied gratefully.

"And what’s going on with you and Potter?"

“Hm?”

Evan raised an eyebrow, not fooled by Regulus's attempt at nonchalance. “You seem to spend a lot of time with him.”

Regulus chuckled nervously, trying to brush off Evan's observation. "We're just friends," he replied vaguely.

Evan smirked knowingly. "Sure, just friends," he echoed. "Well, whatever it is, I'm happy for you. You seem happier lately."

“Thanks.” Regulus smiled. “But honestly there is nothing going on.”

“He’s a fit bloke. It wouldn’t be weird if you fancied him.” Evan shrugged.

Regulus sighed awkwardly, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks. “I’ll keep that in mind, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon,” he replied, hoping to steer the conversation away from his feelings for James.

“But he’s gay, right?”

“I don’t know, Evan. We don’t talk about that stuff,” Regulus answered with a slightly defensive tone. In truth, he hadn't considered James's sexual orientation, nor had they ever discussed it. The realization left Regulus feeling unsettled, stirring up questions he wasn't sure he wanted to confront. Did James like boys? Should that matter to Regulus?

"He doesn’t tell you about who he shags?" Evan prodded.

"No, Ev. He doesn’t. Also it’s not like I have any stories to tell him in exchange."

"Because you want to shag him," Evan smirked.

Regulus felt heat rise to his cheeks. "No, because I don’t even know if I want to shag anybody!" His words came out louder than intended, and he cringed inwardly at the realization.

Evan raised an eyebrow, clearly amused by Regulus's outburst. "Alright, alright, I won't pry," he said, holding up his hands in surrender.

Regulus let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks," he muttered, feeling a bit embarrassed by his own candour.

They were silent for a moment. Regulus shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what to say next. The topic of his feelings for James and his relationship with intimacy lingered in the air, and he couldn't shake the awkwardness that accompanied it.

Finally Evan broke the silence. "So, do you want to order some food? I know it’s late, but I'm starving."

Regulus nodded gratefully, glad for the change of subject. "Yeah, that sounds good. Let's order some pizza."

As they indulged in the late-night pizza delivery, Evan's voice cut through the quiet with a gentle sincerity. "But in all seriousness, Reg, you don’t need to have sex or want to have sex or anything at all. You are perfectly enough as you are right now. And if James doesn’t see it, he’s a git."

Regulus paused, his appetite momentarily forgotten as Evan's words sank in. It was a sentiment he hadn't fully embraced before, and it resonated deeply within him. He glanced at Evan, gratitude shining in his eyes. "Thanks, Evan," he murmured, feeling a warmth spread through him at his friend's supportive words. “And I’m not saying I’m never-“

“Hey, you don’t need to explain yourself to me,” Evan interrupted gently, a reassuring smile on his lips.

Regulus nodded gratefully, appreciating Evan’s understanding.

☆

Regulus was excited for the Creativa Halloween Party. It felt like a special event despite not being the club's first party. Mary's invitation to her family's house added to the anticipation. After arranging to buy alcohol with James, Regulus's only remaining task was to find the perfect costume.

He spent hours browsing through costume ideas online, trying to find something that would stand out, but not too much, reflect his personality, but not be too hard to understand. He thought about a classic costumes, but it was a Creativa party, he needed to be more creative.

Then, inspiration struck. He remembered a childhood favorite – "Coraline," a horror movie for kids that had left a lasting impression on him. The idea of dressing up as Coraline suddenly seemed perfect.

He chuckled to himself as he recalled how Sirius had been terrified of the movie, insisting on turning it off halfway through. Regulus, on the other hand, had been drawn to its dark charm.

But now, as he considered dressing up as Coraline for the party, doubts began to creep in. Would anyone recognize the character? Would they understand the significance behind his choice? And more importantly, would he feel comfortable embodying a character who was a girl?

Regulus sighed, feeling torn between his desire to express himself and the fear of judgment from his peers. He wanted to be true to himself, but he also didn’t want to stand out too much or make others uncomfortable. It was a delicate balance, and he wasn’t sure which side to lean towards.

However, he reminded himself that Creativa was a community full of acceptance. Perhaps this was the perfect opportunity to embrace his individuality and step out of his comfort zone.

On the day of the party, Regulus assembled his Coraline costume with care. He wore a red top with white stripes, complemented by blue skinny jeans and the essential element, a yellow raincoat. Adding the finishing touches, he adorned his hair with a dragonfly hair clip and a red crossbody bag, which he borrowed from Pandora, to complete the ensemble.

He looked at himself in the mirror, reminding himself that he chose the costume because it meant something to him, not because he wanted to impress anyone else. With a deep breath, he straightened his raincoat and headed out the door, ready to embrace the night.

As Regulus entered Mary's family house, he was immediately greeted by the vibrant energy of the party. The space was decorated with spooky Halloween decorations, and the sound of laughter and chatter filled the air. Regulus spotted Mary near the entrance, dressed as a witch, her hat slightly askew as she greeted guests with enthusiasm.

"Regulus, you made it!" Mary exclaimed, her eyes lighting up as she saw him. "I love your costume! Coraline, right? That's so creative!"

Regulus smiled gratefully, relieved by Mary's reaction. "Thanks, Mary. Yeah, it's Coraline," he confirmed, feeling a surge of confidence. "I wanted to do something different."

Mary nodded in approval. "Well, you nailed it. And hey, Lily's over by the drinks table. You should go say hi."

Following Mary's suggestion, Regulus made his way through the crowded room, exchanging smiles and greetings with other partygoers along the way. When he finally reached the drinks table, he spotted Lily as she sipped from a blood-red cocktail. She was dressed as Wendy Torrance from “The Shining”.

"Hey, Lily!" Regulus called out, catching her attention. "Looking good!"

Lily turned towards him with a grin. "Regulus! I love your costume," she said, her eyes scanning his Coraline-inspired ensemble. "It's so unique."

“Thanks,” Regulus replied, feeling a surge of pride at Lily’s compliment. “You make a convincing Wendy.”

As they exchanged pleasantries, Regulus couldn't help but notice James across the room. James had gone all out, transforming himself into a slutty vampire with fake fangs and a dramatic cape. His outfit was daring, with his toned physique on display and his stomach showing beneath an open vest, leaving little to the imagination.

Regulus felt a flush creeping up his neck as he watched James interact with other Creativa members. He tried to focus on the story Lily was telling him, but he couldn't help but steal glances at James.

After a few minutes James spotted him and walked to him singing. “She's as cute as a button in the eyes of everyone who's ever laid their eyes on Co-ra-lineee.”

Regulus's cheeks burned with embarrassment as James approached him, his heart pounding erratically in his chest. He hadn't expected James to notice him so quickly, let alone serenade him with a line from the movie. His mind raced as he tried to compose himself, but James's playful demeanor only made it more difficult.

“You- You know the song,” Regulus stammered, feeling like his face was on fire.

“Of course I knew it. This movie scared the shite out of me as a kid. But now I love it,” James confessed with a chuckle, his warm smile easing Regulus's nerves. "I think I watched an youtube assay about it."

Regulus couldn't help but smile back, relieved by James's easygoing reaction. It was moments like these that made him grateful for their relationship, even if his feelings for James were more complicated than he cared to admit.

"I've got our booze," Regulus said, gesturing towards the spot behind the plant on the kitchen table. "I thought it's a good spot, so nobody will drink our liquor."

James grinned, taking Regulus's hand. "Do you want to see how Mary decorated the loo?" he asked, already leading the way upstairs. Regulus followed James and couldn’t help but steal glances at his costume as they climbed the stairs.

As they reached the top floor, James swung open the door to the bathroom, revealing Mary’s festive decorations. Regulus couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of fake cobwebs draped over the mirror and tiny plastic spiders scattered around the sink.

“Looks like Mary went all out,” Regulus chuckled, shaking his head in amusement.

“Yeah, she always does,” James replied with a grin, gesturing towards a rubber bat hanging from the ceiling.

☆

It was a very good party. Regulus felt confident exchanging laughs with other Creativa members and he received a lot compliments on his costume. Some people were puzzled by his Coraline outfit at first, but once he explained, their faces lit up with recognition and excitement.

Everything was going almost perfectly. However, he couldn't help but notice James's repeated forgetfulness in leaving their liquor unattended on the main counter, resulting in others helping themselves to it. With a sigh, Regulus discreetly moved it every time back to its designated spot behind the plant, hoping James would remember to keep an eye on it.

Regulus couldn't help but feel a twinge of annoyance as James dismissed his concerns about their shared bottle of booze. It wasn't about being selfish; he simply preferred having his own supply, especially when it was something he specifically chose and purchased.

Attempting to maintain his composure, Regulus nudged James lightly as he played beer pong. "Hey, James, could you leave the bottle in the right spot? People are drinking from it," he said, trying to sound casual.

But James didn't seem to see the issue. "That’s not a big deal. We can share. We will drink their liquor later," he replied, focused on the game.

A bit of frustration bubbled up inside Regulus as he tried to articulate his feelings. "But this is our alcohol, we bought it, I bought it-"

James's nonchalant response only added to Regulus's irritation. "What’s the big deal?" he shrugged.

Unable to find the right words to express himself, Regulus sighed in defeat and walked away, leaving James to call after him in confusion. He didn't turn back, unsure himself of why he felt so bothered by the situation.

Regulus decided to dance to distract himself. He spotted Lily in the crowd and pulled her into a spin. "Wow, Reg, you can dance?" she exclaimed, surprised.

"A bit. I danced a lot as a kid and I guess it stayed with me," Regulus replied with a smile, feeling a sense of relief as the music and movement helped to ease his tension.

Regulus lost himself in the music, letting the rhythm guide his movements. He closed his eyes, allowing the pulsating beat to wash over him, transporting him to another world where he didn't have to worry about anything except the music and the movement of his body.

As he danced, he felt a sense of freedom and liberation, the weight of his earlier frustrations melting away with each step and sway. He twirled and swayed with graceful abandon, completely lost in the moment. For a brief, fleeting instant, he felt truly alive, unburdened by the worries and anxieties of the outside world.

He danced until the music faded into the background, until all that remained was the echo of his own heartbeat and the rush of adrenaline coursing through his veins. And in that moment, he felt a sense of peace wash over him, knowing that for now, at least, everything was okay.

When "Buttons" started playing, almost everyone got up and started dancing. The sudden surge of people made the space feel cramped, but Regulus tried to ignore it and focus on the music.

He moved to the beat, letting the rhythm guide his hips as he danced among the crowd. But then, in the midst of the pulsating energy, he felt hands on his body. It was only for a moment, but the sensation sent a shockwave through him.

Instantly, memories he had tried to bury resurfaced, flooding his mind with unwanted images and sensations. It felt invasive, violating, and Regulus felt a surge of panic rising within him. Regulus's heart raced as the memory of unwanted touch flooded his mind, sending a jolt of panic through his body. His muscles tensed, and he fought to control his breathing, willing himself not to give in to the rising tide of fear and discomfort.

He tried to push past the intrusive thoughts, focusing instead on the beat of the music and the movement of his body. But every brush of another person against his skin felt like a violation, sending shivers down his spine and setting his nerves on edge.

He forced himself to keep dancing, plastering a smile on his face and trying to ignore the rising sense of unease gnawing at his insides. But with each passing moment, the weight of the memory pressed down on him, threatening to suffocate him in its grip.

Regulus knew he needed to get out, to escape the crowded dance floor and find some space to breathe. But the fear of drawing attention to himself held him in place, trapping him in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions.

Desperate for relief, he scanned the room for a way out, his heart pounding in his chest as he searched for a path to freedom amidst the sea of dancing bodies.

After the song ended, Regulus stepped outside and made his way to the back of the house, where he found a quiet spot on the grass. With trembling hands, he lit a cigarette. He took a long drag, the bitter taste of it mingling with the cool evening air as he attempted to steady his racing thoughts.

As the chatter of the party carried on inside, Regulus heard murmurs about taking a group photo. Soon, someone asked aloud, "Where's Regulus?"

Feeling a knot tighten in his stomach, Regulus remained seated outside, his heart pounding in his chest. He listened as footsteps approached the back door, the sound of someone stepping outside to search for him growing louder with each passing moment.

Despite hearing his name being called and someone searching for him, Regulus remained rooted to the spot, unable to move or speak. He listened to the commotion of the group photo being taken, feeling a pang of guilt for not joining in. But the overwhelming sense of unease kept him paralyzed, unable to face the crowd just yet.

Regulus took a deep breath, willing himself to calm down as he slowly got up from the grass. His legs felt like jelly as he made his way over to the patio, where he sank into a chair. He focused on the gentle breeze and the distant sound of laughter from the party.

As time passed, Regulus slowly began to feel better, the tension in his body easing as he regained his composure. He was just about to gather the strength to get up and join the party again when he heard the door creak open. His heart skipped a beat as James emerged, wrapped in a blanket and holding another.

“Hey Reggie, can we talk?” James's voice was tentative, filled with concern.

“Sure,”

“I wanted to talk about what happened with our booze. I don’t want you to be mad at me, but I really don’t understand why it bothered you so much,” James began giving him the second blanket.

“I’m not mad at you, James. It’s not about me nt wanting to share, but more about having a plan in my head,” Regulus sighed. “I chose that liquor for tonight, and when things didn't go as expected, it threw me off.”

James nodded slowly.

Regulus hesitated, feeling overwhelmed by his jumbled thoughts, and he realished they were not connected to the liquor at all, “I know it might seem silly, but I guess I'm just easily thrown off when things don't go according to the plan in my head.”

“It’s different, but not silly,” James reassured him quietly.

“And sometimes I just feel… a lot-” Regulus’s voice cracked, tears welling up. Memories of unwanted touches flooded his mind, making him regret agreeing to talk. Tears rolled down his cheeks. James might think he was upset over booze. James might think he was stupid. “I-I’m sorry. It’s not about you. It’s not about the liquor,” he said, trying to assure James amidst the chaos in his mind.

Regulus took a deep breath, trying to steady his voice as he continued, “It’s just… it’s hard to explain. I-I….” His voice trembled with each word as he struggled to articulate the storm inside him.

"I-I didn't mean for it to come out like this," he muttered, frustration evident in his tone as he tried to wipe away his tears. "I just... I don't want you to think less of me, or think I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I'm not crying because of you; it's something else, something from the past. Sorry I'm such an idiot." His words came out in a rush, tinged with self-doubt and regret.

James’s brows furrowed slightly, a hint of confusion flickering in his eyes as he processed Regulus’s words. “Oh Reggie,” he replied sincerely. “I may not fully understand what you’re going through, but your feelings are valid, and that’s what matters. You’re not an idiot, and you don’t have to apologize for how you feel.”

Regulus looked up at James. “But… but I am probably overreacting, sorry.” he admitted hesitantly, the self-doubt lingering in his tone.

James shook his head. “Reggie, your feelings are valid, regardless of whether or not you think you’re overreacting. You’re allowed to feel hurt, confused, and upset. And it’s okay to reach out for help when you need it. If you want to tell me what’s going on I will listen.”

Regulus nodded slowly, his heart heavy with the weight of his emotions. “Thank you, Jamie,” he whispered, his voice tinged with gratitude and relief. “I… I appreciate your support.” He hesitated for a moment before continuing. “I… I think I might need to talk about that. It’s… it’s a lot to process, and I no longer know if I can do it alone.”

James nodded understandingly, his expression filled with empathy. “Of course, Reggie. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here to listen.” 

Regulus took a deep breath, steeling himself for the difficult conversation ahead. “Thank you,” he said again, his voice steadier this time. “I think… I think I’m ready to talk about it now.”

As they settled into a more private corner, Regulus began recounting the events of the night, his words tumbling out in a rush as he struggled to make sense of his tangled emotions. Tears continued to stream down his face, his voice wavering with emotion. He found himself needing to pause often, overcome by the intensity of his feelings and the memories that threatened to overwhelm him. With each pause, James waited patiently, allowing Regulus the time he needed to gather his thoughts and compose himself. He didn’t rush or interrupt.

When he finished recounting his ordeal, he let out a heavy sigh. "I know my reaction was probably way worse than what I just told you, and people suffer from so much more pain," he began. "And I don’t know why it hit me so hard. Nothing really happened. I’m-" He trailed off, struggling to find the right words to express his confusion and guilt.

James reached out, gently lifting Regulus’s chin to meet his gaze. “Love, you are allowed to feel, no matter the circumstances,” he said firmly. “It doesn’t matter what others may have experienced. What matters is how you’re feeling right now.”

Regulus didn’t know how to respond.

“Am I the first person you told about this?” James asked slowly.

Regulus blinked, taken aback by James's question. "Yeah," he admitted quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “You’re the first person I’ve told. I considered bringing it up in therapy once, but then I thought that it happened a year ago, and I usually try to push it to the back of my mind to avoid it messing with my head, and normally it worked perfectly. But tonight… it just resurfaced.”

James nodded, his expression filled with understanding. “It’s okay, Reggie,” he said gently. “But what wasn’t okay is what happened to you and I am so deeply sorry. I wish I could do something to help, truly.”

Regulus managed a weak smile.

“Can I hug you?” James asked softly, but Regulus immediately shook his head. He knew it was James, but he couldn’t handle that much touch. Instead, he extended his hand.

“Just a hand?” James sought reassurance, and Regulus nodded.

James gently took Regulus's hand in both of his palms and drew soothing circles with his thumbs. Lowering his face to the top of Regulus's palm, he stopped mere centimetres away. Only when Regulus nodded, granting permission, did James press his lips to his hand.

Regulus felt a warmth spread through him at James’s gesture, a flicker of comfort in the midst of his turmoil. He squeezed James’s hand gently in return, a silent acknowledgment of their unspoken connection.

“Thank you, Jamie,” he whispered. “For being here… for understanding.”

James met Regulus’s gaze. “Always, Reggie,” he replied softly. “I’ll always be here for you.”

Chapter Text

"Yeah, and then she sent me this amazing book that's going to be perfect for my dissertation," Lily exclaimed, her face lighting up as she talked about her Masters dissertation supervisor. Regulus sat in the university coffee shop after the Creativa meeting with Lily, James, Mary, and a few other members.

"I need her to be my supervisor next year when I'm writing my dissertation. When I was doing one for my Bachelor's, my professor didn't help me at all," Mary chimed in, taking a sip of her coffee. "And yours, James?"

James looked up, but there was a hint of distraction in his eyes, a departure from his usual engagement in conversations. Regulus sensed something wasn't quite right.

"I meant, how is your supervisor? Are they helpful?" Mary pressed, noticing James's distant demeanor.

"Oh, they're okay," James mumbled, avoiding Mary's gaze. Suddenly, he stood up abruptly, reaching for his phone. "Ah, sorry guys, someone is calling me."

Regulus glanced at James's phone screen and noticed that there was no incoming call. It was odd. Why would James fake a phone call? Something didn't add up, and Regulus couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to James's sudden departure.

He waited for a minute and after a moment of hesitation, Regulus excused himself under the guise of needing to use the bathroom. As he made his way out of the coffee shop, he discreetly glanced around to ensure no one was paying attention to his movements. With a quick check, he veered towards the direction James had headed.

Outside, Regulus spotted James standing alone, engrossed in his phone. But as he approached, James swiftly brought the device to his ear, pretending to be on a call. Regulus's brow furrowed in confusion. It was becoming increasingly apparent that something was amiss, and he couldn't shake the feeling of unease settling in the pit of his stomach.

As Regulus drew closer, James continued to feign conversation, his eyes darting nervously around the area. Regulus's heart pounded in his chest as he approached, uncertain of how to address the situation.

"James," Regulus said softly, his voice tinged with concern.

James glanced up, his expression caught somewhere between surprise and apprehension. "Hey," he replied, attempting to maintain the facade of his faux phone call.

Regulus frowned, his suspicions growing stronger with each passing second. "What's going on, James?" he asked, his tone gentle yet insistent.

James hesitated, his eyes darting away from Regulus and towards the ground. "I... uh, someone called me," he muttered, his voice barely audible.

Regulus observed James's uneasy demeanor, a knot forming in his stomach. "You don't have to hide anything from me, James," he said gently, closing the distance between them. "If something's bothering you, I'm here to listen."

James quickly wrapped up his pretend phone call, giving Regulus a hesitant look. "I don't know what you're talking about," he replied, his tone defensive as he met Regulus's gaze.

“James, I know you didn’t actually receive a call,” he said softly, his tone firm yet understanding.

James's shoulders tensed, and he avoided Regulus's gaze, his demeanor growing defensive. "Look, Reggie, I appreciate your concern, but there's nothing to talk about," he insisted, his voice tinged with frustration. "I just needed a moment alone, okay? Can we leave it at that?"

“I'm your friend," Regulus said earnestly, reaching out to gently place a hand on James's arm. "If something's bothering you, you don't have to carry it alone. We can figure it out together. Please, let me help you."

James backed out from his touch. “No. I don’t need your help, because there is no problem.”

Regulus withdrew his hand. "Okay," he replied, his voice tinged with resignation. "But just know that I'm here for you whenever you're ready to talk. No judgment, just support."

“There is nothing to talk about. Drop it.” James's tone was firm, leaving no room for further discussion.

Regulus nodded, though a hint of concern lingered in his eyes. "Alright," he said quietly, masking his disappointment. "I'll drop it. But just remember, I'm here whenever you need me."

With a final glance at James, Regulus turned and walked away, giving him space but silently hoping that James would eventually open up.

As minutes turned into an uneasy wait, Regulus grew increasingly concerned about James's prolonged absence. Finally Lily decided to check on him, but she returned with news of an empty sidewalk outside the coffee shop.

"He's just gone?" Mary asked, her voice laced with disbelief.

Lily nodded, her expression mirroring Regulus's concern. "Yeah, I looked everywhere around, but there's no sign of him," she confirmed.

Regulus's mind raced with possibilities, each one more troubling than the last. "Should we call him?" he suggested, reaching for his phone.

But before he could dial James's number, Mary spoke up. "Let's give him a little more time," she suggested, her tone hesitant. "Maybe he just needed to clear his head and took a walk. He'll come back soon."

Regulus nodded reluctantly, though the knot of worry in his stomach refused to ease. "I hope you're right.”

But James didn’t come back. He only texted their group chat that something urgent happened and he needed to leave as fast as possible, but Regulus was sure it was another lie.

Regulus's mind raced with confusion and concern as he read James's text message. Why would James lie? It didn't make sense. James had always been honest with him, and Regulus couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to this sudden departure than James was letting on.

As he mulled over the situation, doubts crept into Regulus's mind. What if James was in trouble? What if he needed help but was too ashamed or afraid to admit it? Regulus couldn't bear the thought of his James suffering alone, but without any concrete evidence of wrongdoing, he felt powerless to intervene.

With a heavy heart, Regulus resolved to give James the benefit of the doubt for now.

☆

Regulus couldn’t shake the feeling of unease that lingered in the back of his mind as he observed James’s behavior. Despite James appearing outwardly normal, Regulus couldn’t ignore the subtle changes in his demeanour. He seemed more reserved, less forthcoming about his personal life and studies, which was unusual for him.

Despite his reservations, Regulus couldn’t deny that James was still actively involved in planning their second Inner Voice event. In fact, he seemed even more committed than before, throwing himself into the preparations with a newfound fervor.

Whenever Regulus reached out to James, his friend responded almost instantly, as if eager to maintain communication. And on the day of the event, James was the first person to arrived and his enthusiasm was palpable when he helped set up and organize the venue.

“Don’t move!”

Regulus's heart skipped a beat as he froze in place, James's sudden command catching him off guard. His initial fear melted away as he realized James had a playful smile on his face and was taking a photo of him.

“What was that for?" he asked, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms.

“You just looked happy. I told you I want a picture of you smiling. Can I have a smile, please?” James teased, his voice laced with playful charm as he fluttered his eyelashes.

“No, but you can help me set this thing up,” Regulus replied, though his heart was racing with emotions. James bounded onto the stage and enveloped him in a hug from behind, their hands intertwining as James's arms encircled him.

“You really don’t understand the word help,” Regulus remarked, a hint of annoyance in his tone, though his heart sang with joy at the closeness between them. Despite his attempt at frustration, he couldn't deny the contentment that washed over him in James's embrace.

James chuckled and leaned his chin on top of Regulus’s head. “But now you’ve got another pair of hands,” he said with a playful grin.

Regulus chuckled nervously. “Right. I’m not sure it works that way. I can’t move them.”

James reached out and placed his palm against Regulus’s face. “See? You wanted to facepalm yourself. They work perfectly.”

Regulus couldn’t help but laugh at James’s antics and as James removed his hand, Regulus turned to face him, a soft smile playing on his lips.

☆

The event unfolded smoothly, and Regulus couldn't contain his excitement as he looked out at the crowd, which seemed even larger than before. Emmeline's performance was breathtaking, her voice filling the room with emotion and drawing tears from the audience. Among them, Regulus spotted Pandora, her eyes glistening as she watched her best friend pour her heart into the song.

As the event came to a close, Regulus scanned the room and spotted Evan seated at a table in the back. With a wide grin, he made his way over to his friend. "You came!"

Evan returned the smile, his eyes reflecting genuine warmth. "I told you I'd be here this time. Cas was here too, but she had to leave right after it ended because she’s babysitting her niece tonight. She wanted me to tell you that she was impressed and that even though the event was for 'emotional nerds,' you are the best emotional nerd."

Regulus chuckled at the teasing praise. "Well, I'll take that as a compliment coming from her. Thanks for being here, Ev. It means a lot to me."

"I'm glad I could be here to support you. And it was better than I expected," Evan said with a smile. "Is your Romeo here today?"

"If you mean James, he is here, but make one stupid comment and you're dead," Regulus replied with a warning.

Evan chuckled. "Sure, sure, scary boy. But don't worry, I'll behave... for now."

As Regulus waved for James to come over, a twinge of nervousness fluttered in his chest. What if they didn't like each other? Why had he waved so eagerly? Was it strange to introduce James to Evan? What if James thought it was odd?

"Hi," James greeted, extending his hand to Evan. "James Potter, you must be Regulus’s friend. Evan, right?"

"Right. Evan Rosier," Evan replied, shaking James's hand. Then, leaning in to Regulus, he whispered, "How official."

Regulus shot Evan a warning look and discreetly kicked him under the table.

James smiled warmly. “Nice to meet you, Evan. Thanks for coming out to support Reggie.”

Evan nodded, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips. “Likewise, Potter. Reggie here talks about you nonstop. You must be quite the guy.”

Regulus flushed, shooting Evan another warning glance. “Don’t call me Reggie, wanker.”

“Oh, my bad. Didn’t realize it was for Potter only,” Evan retorted with a grin.

Regulus felt like sinking into the floor, but fortunately, James just chuckled warmly, diffusing the tension.

The three of them chatted for a while, exchanging stories and laughs. Regulus couldn't help but notice how effortlessly James fit into the conversation, his charm and easygoing nature putting him at ease. But then Evan asked the question that made Regulus stiffen. “You’re in the last year of Masters right? What’s your dissertation about?”

Regulus glanced at James, searching for any signs of discomfort, but to his relief, James responded calmly and confidently.

“It’s ‘Analysing the representation of migration and displacement in contemporary art and literature produced by immigrant artists,’” James explained.

Evan raised an impressed eyebrow. “Shite, that sounds smart, but kinda interesting.”

"Yeah… it does," Regulus added quietly. It was the first time he had heard James speak so openly and confidently about his dissertation, and it made Regulus question whether he had been imagining things all along. Maybe James was simply preoccupied with his studies, and there was nothing more to it.

They talked for a bit longer and as they parted ways, Evan gave Regulus a knowing look and a playful wink before disappearing into the crowd. Regulus couldn't help but smile, feeling grateful for the unexpected bond that had formed between his two worlds.

“Do you need a ride home?” James asked, his tone gentle and caring. It was another recent change that Regulus had noticed—James’s newfound protectiveness towards him. He was checking if Regulus got home after their meetings and offered to drive him home whenever he could.

Regulus tried to feign annoyance at first, but deep down, he couldn't deny that James's protective attitude made him feel warm and fuzzy inside.

“If that’s not a problem for you.” Regulus smiled weakly.

“You are never a problem, only a pleasure.”

Regulus wanted to scream with joy, the sweet torture of his emotions overwhelming him. Every word from James felt like a balm to his soul, igniting a fire of longing and affection within him.

Regulus settled into the passenger seat of James's car, feeling the warmth of the interior enveloping him. He gazed out the window, watching the city lights blur past as they drove through the night.

“Today was a good day,” Regulus said, breaking the silence. “So many people came. Evan was here.”

“Yeah, he’s a great bloke. Although he looks kinda mean at first,” James chuckled.

Regulus laughed, nodding in agreement. “Yeah, he does. But you were so confident. I don’t know how you do it. Meeting new people with such ease.”

“If I ever find out, I promise to tell you,” James replied with a smile.

Regulus shifted in his seat, his curiosity getting the best of him. “Ah, and I’m glad your dissertation is going well. I think it was actually the first time you told me what it’s about.”

“Yeah? Maybe,” James replied shortly, his tone slightly guarded.

Regulus sensed the tension in the air and hesitated before continuing. “How is everything going? I didn’t get to write one yet, so I’m kinda curious. Are you working on the chapters already or just doing research?”

“Mostly research,” James replied, his voice clipped.

“Oh and how about-“

“Can we stop talking? I need to focus on the road,” James said, his tone sharper than before.

Regulus fell silent, realising he had overstepped. He bit his lip, chastising himself for pushing too far and sank back into his seat. He turned his attention back to the passing scenery, feeling a pang of disappointment at the abrupt end to their conversation.

The rest of the drive was quiet, the only sound being the soft hum of the car engine and the occasional swoosh of passing vehicles. Regulus kept stealing glances at James, feeling a sense of unease settle in his stomach.

As they pulled up in front of Regulus's house, he hesitated before unbuckling his seatbelt. "Thanks for the ride," he said quietly.

James nodded, his expression unreadable. "No problem. Take care, Regulus."

Regulus forced a smile, but it felt strained. He stepped out of the car, closing the door behind him with a soft click. As he watched James drive away, a knot of worry twisted in his chest.

What had happened to the affection they had shared just moments ago? With a heavy sigh, he trudged up the steps to his house, his mind swirling with questions and doubts. But one thing was certain: he needed to figure out what was going on with James, and soon.

☆

The next day Regulus decided to text Sirius. Maybe he was over stepping, but he couldn’t let James suffer. After a while he got the answer.

Shite, you noticed it too. I don’t know what’s going on. Everything is fine until I ask about anything related to his studies. I offered to bring him some books that may help with his dissertation, because the library is like Moony’s second home, but he said he doesn’t need any help and just walked out of the room. But then when I approached him with a different topic he was acting like always.

Regulus felt a mix of relief and concern upon receiving Sirius's response. It confirmed his suspicions about James's behavior, but it also deepened the mystery surrounding it. What could be troubling James so much that he would react that way?

He typed out a reply to Sirius, expressing his gratitude for sharing his observations and agreeing that something seemed off. Then, with determination, he decided to confront James directly about it. He couldn't stand by and watch him suffer in silence. Regulus composed a message to James, keeping it simple yet sincere.

Hey James, can we talk? There's something on my mind that I'd like to discuss with you. Let me know when you're free.

As he hit send, Regulus braced himself for what might come next, hoping that James would be willing to open up to him.

Regulus received a response from James a few hours later, confirming that he was free the next afternoon and inviting Regulus to come to his flat.

After checking in with Sirius, who was spending time at Remus's place, Regulus spent the next day contemplating the upcoming conversation with James.

He couldn't shake the feeling of uncertainty about being alone with James for this discussion.

The next afternoon, Regulus made his way to James's flat, his stomach churning with nerves. He knocked on the door, waiting anxiously for James to answer.

When James opened the door, Regulus was struck by how normal everything seemed. James greeted him with a warm smile, inviting him inside. They settled into the living room, the air heavy with anticipation.

Regulus took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts before speaking. "Jamie... Do you trust me?"

James looked at him, a flicker of surprise crossing his features. "Yes, of course. Why do you ask?"

Regulus hesitated, searching for the right words. "I don't know, Jamie. Something feels off, but every time I try to bring it up, you deflect or change the subject."

He noticed the strange look in James's eyes, a hint of unease that hadn't been there before. It made him pause, his heart sinking as he realized the depth of James's discomfort.

"James, are you... afraid?" Regulus asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

James shifted uncomfortably, averting his gaze as if unable to meet Regulus's eyes. "I... I don't know what you're talking about," he mumbled, his voice tight with tension.

Regulus moved closer to James. "You don't have to hide from me, Jamie," he said softly. "Whatever it is, we can face it together."

“We can’t.”

Regulus's heart sank at the despair evident in James's voice. "Why not?" he asked, his hand resting on James's palm. "Whatever it is, we can find a way through it together."

“Stop. I told you. I need to take care of this on my own,” James replied, his tone firm but tinged with vulnerability.

Taking a deep breath, Regulus broached the sensitive topic. “Is it related to your Masters dissertation?”

James didn’t reply, but the way his body tensed up spoke volumes, confirming Regulus’s suspicions without a word.

"Hey, I'm not here to judge you, okay? Come here." Regulus gently embraced James, feeling the tension in his body slowly dissipate. "If I ask you questions, will you answer truthfully?"

He locked eyes with James, noticing the shimmer of tears pooling in his gaze. James nodded, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'll try."

Regulus squeezed him tighter, offering silent encouragement. "Okay, let's start small," he suggested gently. "Is there anything you feel comfortable sharing with me about what's been bothering you?"

"I'm just so stupid," James muttered, his voice muffled by his hands which he used to cover his face. "I can't do anything right. And it's not a big deal at all, I don't know why I can't do it. Everyone can, but I'm useless and stupid." He began to aggressively pull at his hair, frustration evident in every movement.

Regulus's heart ached at James's distress. "You're not stupid, Jamie," he said firmly, cupping James's face in his hands. "You're one of the smartest people I know. Whatever it is that's troubling you, we'll figure it out together. But please, don't hurt yourself." He brushed away the tears that streaked down James's cheeks, offering him a reassuring smile.

“I deserve it.” James whispered.

“No, you don’t,” Regulus countered firmly. “Nobody deserves to feel this way. You’re a kind, intelligent person, Jamie.“

“I’m not intelligent or smart if I can’t fucking write my dissertation.” James exclaimed loudly, causing Regulus to jump a little.

Regulus took another deep breath, steadying himself before responding. "Jamie, struggling with your dissertation doesn't define your intelligence or worth as a person," he said gently. "It's just one aspect of your life. Are you okay if I ask a few more questions?”

James nodded slightly and buried his face in Regulus’s neck.

"You're doing great, Jamie. Just take your time," he encouraged softly, his hand stroking James's back. "Can you tell me which specific part of your dissertation is giving you trouble?"

“I have a supervisor and… I-I have a topic, which is really interesting and important to me, so I don’t know why I can’t do this,” James stammered, his breaths becoming shorter.

“It’s okay, Jamie. Sometimes we face obstacles even when we’re passionate about something. Have you talked to your supervisor about the difficulties you’re having?”

James shook his head. “No, I… I haven’t.”

Regulus frowned with concern. “Maybe it’s worth discussing with them. They might be able to offer guidance or support.”

“I-I can’t. I had a meeting with her a month ago and I was supposed to write an introduction, but I couldn’t and I didn’t answer her calls or emails and she must hate me now. I fucked up.”

"It's okay, Jamie," Regulus said softly. "People miss deadlines sometimes, it happens. I’m sure you’re not her first student that has some trouble. But avoiding the issue won't make it go away. You still have the opportunity to reach out and explain the situation to her. She might understand more than you think.”

James stayed silent, his gaze fixed on a distant point as if lost in thought.

“Can you tell me what’s happening when you try to write? Do you have a hard time doing research or it’s the writing process that you have trouble with?” Regulus pressed gently.

“It’s everything,” James finally murmured. “I just can’t do it. It’s like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff, unable to take that final step forward. Every time I try to write, it’s like... like I'm paralyzed by fear."

“As if you’re standing before a burning oven, knowing you can reach out, yet feeling frozen in place by the fear of getting burned.” Regulus added quietly and James looked at him with wide eyes, a mixture of surprise and recognition in his expression.

“Yeah,” James breathed out. “Exactly like that.”

“What if I was here?” Regulus asked, his voice gentle and reassuring.

James hesitated, his brows furrowing in uncertainty. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, what if I joined you while you work? You know, just to keep you company or bounce ideas off each other,” Regulus explained. “It might make the process feel less daunting for you.”

James sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly. “But you can’t spend so much time on me. I can’t ask you for that.”

“I’m offering because I care about you, Jamie.”

“But…” James started, his voice trailing off as he struggled to find the right words.

“Jamie,” Regulus interjected softly, meeting his gaze with unwavering sincerity.

James looked at Regulus, his expression shifting from hesitation to a glimmer of hope. “That… that actually sounds nice,” he admitted, a hint of relief in his voice. “Having you around might make it easier.”

Regulus smiled warmly, relieved that James was open to the idea. “Perfect. We can meet tomorrow for some writing, and then we can decide on a schedule to meet regularly, so you won’t have to ask me every time. I’ll just be here.”

“I can’t believe you are real,” James murmured, a hint of awe in his voice.

Regulus playfully poked James’s cheek with his nose. “See, I’m real.”

James faced him, cupped his face and kissed him on the nose. Regulus looked at him surprised.

“Just needed to be sure.”

Regulus felt his cheeks flush at James's unexpected gesture. "Well, now you know," he replied softly, a shy smile playing on his lips.

James grinned, his eyes sparkling with affection. "I'm glad," he whispered, his thumb gently caressing Regulus's cheek.

They remained in each other’s embrace for a while until James finally spoke. “I’m sorry.”

Regulus looked at him, puzzled. “For what?”

“For not telling you, or Sirius, or anyone that there is a problem.”

Regulus gently squeezed James's hand. "It's okay, Jamie," he said softly. "You don't have to apologise. We all have our struggles, and it's okay to reach out for help when we need it. I'm just glad you opened up to me now."

James asked tentatively, “So you’re not mad at me?”

“Does anything that I did indicate that I am mad at you?”

James shook his head, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "No, I suppose not."

"I'm just here to support you, Jamie. No judgment, no anger. Just us, figuring things out together."

With a nod, James leaned in and rested his head against Regulus’s shoulder.

“You’re tired, I should go.” Regulus said after a while when James started yawning, but instead of letting him go James held him tighter.

“No. Stay.”

Regulus hesitated for a moment, feeling the warmth of James's embrace. "Are you sure?"

James nodded, his eyes already starting to droop. "I want you to stay."

Regulus smiled softly, feeling a sense of comfort in James's arms. "Okay, then. I'll stay." And with that, he settled in beside James.

As they nestled closer together on the couch, Regulus found himself listening to the steady rhythm of James's heartbeat. Each thump lulled him into a sense of peace. He could feel the warmth of James's body against his own and Regulus felt a profound sense of contentment wash over him. It was a simple yet intimate moment, one that he knew he would treasure for a long time to come.

Eventually, the exhaustion of the day caught up with them, and Regulus felt himself drifting off to sleep. He could sense James's breathing evening out as he, too, succumbed to slumber.

Chapter Text

When Regulus woke up it was already light outside. He couldn't help but smile as he listened to James's loud, rhythmic snoring. Despite the noise, there was something oddly comforting about it. He opened one eye and gazed at the peaceful expression on James's face, his features softened by sleep.

Although James snored as loud as a construction site, in that moment, Regulus didn't mind at all. After all, he was lying on top of James Potter, and he wouldn't trade that for the most luxurious bed in the world.

Regulus nuzzled his face into James’s chest, feeling the warmth and comfort radiating from him. He closed his eyes, savoring the moment, knowing that he wouldn't be able to fall asleep again. But that was okay. He wanted to soak in every sensation, every heartbeat, every breath. It was his secret, his moment of intimacy, tucked away from the world.

Regulus felt James stirring beside him, signaling that he was waking up. With practiced ease, he kept his breathing steady and his eyes closed, pretending to still be asleep. He didn't want James to know that he was watching him sleep. It was a small, private pleasure, one he intended to keep just for himself.

Regulus remained still, feeling James's hand gently stroking his head. His heart skipped a beat at the tender gesture, but he maintained the pretense of sleep. When James spoke, Regulus sensed the warmth in his voice.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” James murmured.

Regulus moved his head slightly, relishing the soft caress of James's hand.

James chuckled softly, his fingers continuing their gentle movements through Regulus's hair.

Regulus fought the urge to smile, wanting to maintain the illusion of sleep just a little longer. He savored the feeling of James's touch, the rhythmic motion soothing and comforting.

James shifted slightly, adjusting his position so that he could gaze down at Regulus's peaceful face. "You know, I could get used to waking up like this," he admitted, his tone soft and sincere.

Regulus's heart fluttered at James's words, but he kept his eyes closed, pretending to still be asleep. He didn't want to break the spell of this intimate moment just yet.

James's thumb gently traced patterns on Regulus's cheek as he spoke again. "I mean it, Reggie. Having you here like this... it feels right."

Regulus couldn't deny the deepening feelings he harbored for James, yet he also feared the potential complications that could arise from their newfound closeness. But in this moment, with James's hand softly caressing his cheek, all those worries faded into the background, leaving only a sense of peace and contentment.

He shifted slightly, pressing himself closer to James, reveling in the warmth and safety of his presence. He knew that eventually they would have to confront the realities of their situation, but for now, he allowed himself to simply bask in the comfort of being with someone who truly understood him.

As Regulus basked in the warmth of the morning light, he felt James's hand gently shaking his shoulder. Reluctantly, he blinked his eyes open, meeting James's gaze with a soft smile. “Do you have any classes or work today?”

“No.” Regulus returned a smile.

"Well, then we can have a lazy morning together," James suggested, his voice warm and affectionate. “Are you hungry?"

Regulus wanted nothing more than to stay in James's embrace a little longer, but his stomach had other plans, betraying him with a loud grumble. "Ugh," he sighed, feeling a blush creeping up his face at the embarrassing sound.

"Um, yeah, breakfast sounds great," he mumbled, avoiding James's gaze as he fidgeted with the hem of his shirt.

James smiled warmly at Regulus's shy response. "Alright, let's get some breakfast then," he said, reaching out to gently ruffle Regulus's hair before getting up from the couch. "I'll make us something nice."

Regulus suppressed a whine at the loss of James's touch, opting instead for a casual tone. "I'm gonna take a shower," he announced.

"Do you need some clothes? You can take one of my hoodies, but for briefs and trousers, you might need to grab some from Sirius."

Regulus grinned mischievously. "Are you saying my arse is flat?"

"I-I… No, I…" James stammered.

"Were you checking out my arse?" Regulus teased further, enjoying James's flustered reaction.

"I-I wasn't... I mean, I just..." James stuttered, struggling to find the right words.

He couldn't help but laugh at James's response. It was a rare sight to see the confident man so tongue-tied.

"It's all right, Jamie. No need to be shy," Regulus said between laughs. "But I must say, your reaction is quite adorable."

James's cheeks grew red, and Regulus couldn't help but find the sight endearing. He enjoyed teasing James, especially when he was the one getting flustered for a change.

When Regulus walked out of Sirius's room, his hands clutching some of his brother’s clothes, his heart skipped a beat as he spotted the red hoodie lying on the couch. Without hesitation, he picked it up, feeling a rush of warmth at the thought of wearing James's clothes. With a smile, he headed to the bathroom.

As he entered the bathroom, he couldn't help but inhale deeply, savoring the familiar scent of James that enveloped him. With a contented sigh, he undressed and stepped into the shower, allowing the hot water to wash away the remnants of sleep from his body.

Dressed in the oversized hoodie and feeling cozy, Regulus stepped out of the bathroom, his damp hair tousled and a soft smile playing on his lips. Despite the hoodie being too big for him, he felt a sense of comfort and security enveloping him as he moved about the room. Adjusting the sleeves and pulling the hood up slightly, he made his way back to where James was.

After they finished breakfast, Regulus asked softly, "Would you like to take a shower first, and then we can work on your dissertation?"

James nodded gratefully, but Regulus noticed a hint of anxiety in his eyes. "Yeah, that sounds like a plan," he replied, his voice slightly shaky. He rose from the table and stretched, but his movements seemed tense. "Thanks, Reggie."

Regulus furrowed his brow, concern flickering across his features. "Is everything alright, James?"

James hesitated for a moment before offering a tight-lipped smile. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just... feeling a bit overwhelmed, I guess."

Regulus nodded understandingly. "Take your time. We'll figure it out together."

After James returned from the bathroom, he stood in the middle of the sitting room, appearing a bit lost.

Regulus approached him gently. "Where do you want to sit?"

"I don't know. Maybe on the couch?" James replied, his uncertainty evident in his tone.

Regulus nodded, leading the way to the couch. As they settled in, Regulus could sense James's nervous energy and noticed his hands fidgeting.

"Hey," Regulus said softly, placing a reassuring hand on James's knee. "We don't have to dive into it all at once. We can take it step by step, okay?"

James nodded, offering a faint smile. "Yeah, okay."

“Open your laptop for me, okay?” Regulus gently requested.

James complied, hesitantly opening his laptop. Multiple tabs cluttered the screen, each related to his dissertation topic. Regulus noticed the frantic movements as James began closing them one by one.

“Sorry, they are probably useless, we can start from the beginning-“

“Jamie,” Regulus interrupted, placing a hand on James's to stop him. “Breathe.”

He could see the tension in James's shoulders as he took a deep breath. He watched as James closed his eyes briefly, exhaling slowly.

“Okay,” James murmured, his voice shaky but steadier. “Okay, I'm breathing.”

Regulus offered James a reassuring smile. "Good. Leave the tabs for now. Can you open your dissertation for me, please?"

James complied, opening the text file on his laptop. Regulus peered at the screen curiously, noting the table of contents that James had already prepared. He scanned through it carefully.

"This is really good," Regulus remarked.

James shrugged. "That’s the only thing I have."

“Well, it’s a great start,” Regulus encouraged. “Let’s focus on the introduction today, just that.”

“Okay.”

Regulus smiled, feeling a sense of purpose as he began to guide James through the process of drafting his introduction. Together, they worked through each paragraph, with Regulus offering encouragement along the way. As they made progress, James’s confidence seemed to grow, and Regulus couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride.

After a few hours of focused work, they finally completed the introduction. James let out a sigh of relief, a hint of satisfaction in his expression.

"Do you think you'll manage to write an email to your supervisor today?" Regulus asked gently, but James still looked at him with desperation in his eyes.

"Jamie, I'm not going anywhere. Yes, we can write it together. I never said we wouldn't," Regulus reassured him.

He observed James as he logged into his academic email account. James clicked on the new message and then froze, his expression shifting to one of apprehension.

Regulus leaned closer and humming softly traced soothing patterns on James’s back. After a moment, James took a deep breath and began typing, his fingers moving slowly across the keyboard as he carefully crafted each word of the message.

As James finished typing, Regulus gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze, silently reassuring him that he had done well.

James took a moment to review the email, his brow furrowing in concentration. After a few adjustments, he finally hit the send button, loudly releasing a breath. Regulus offered him a warm smile, his eyes reflecting pride and relief.

"Good job, Jamie," Regulus said softly, his voice filled with genuine admiration. "That was a big step."

“But it shouldn’t be. It shouldn’t be a big deal.” James frowned.

Regulus leaned in, pressing his forehead against James’s. “Don’t you dare criticize James Potter for all the hard work he just put into this,” he insisted firmly.

“I am James, Reggie,” James replied, his voice tinged with frustration.

“Yeah, but you still don’t have permission to talk bad about yourself,” he said firmly, his tone leaving no room for argument.

James sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly. “Sorry, for being so annoying.”

“You’re never annoying,” Regulus reassured him with a soft smile.

James raised his eyebrow skeptically.

“Okay, I lied, you’re annoying most of the time, but not right now, you hear me?” Regulus grinned.

Regulus laughed as James playfully tackled him onto the couch. They wrestled for a moment, but James’s strength quickly overpowered Regulus, flipping them over so James was on top.

“You’re lucky you’re cute when you’re annoying,” Regulus teased, poking James’s nose.

James grinned down at him. “Oh, am I now?”

Regulus rolled his eyes playfully. “Shut up.”

A mischievous glint danced in James’s eyes. “You’re not exactly in the position to tell me to shut up.”

Regulus tensed as he heard the distinct click of the lock being turned. His heart raced as the door swung open and Sirius walked inside. “James, I’m not gonna be able to sit down for-“ Sirius halted abruptly, his eyes widening as he took in the sight before him. “You have ten seconds to explain what’s going on or you’re dead.”

Regulus chuckled nervously. “Which one of us, to be precise?”

“Both,” Sirius replied, his tone dead serious.

Regulus and James exchanged nervous glances as Sirius stood in the doorway, his expression a mix of confusion and irritation.

Regulus cleared his throat, trying to find the right words. “Um, Sirius, it’s not what it looks like…”

Sirius raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. “Oh, really? Then please explain what my best friend is doing on top of my little brother.”

James shifted uncomfortably, avoiding Sirius’s gaze. “It was just… um…”

Regulus jumped in, trying to defuse the tension. “We were just… messing around, nothing serious.”

Sirius’s gaze hardened. “James, you know the rules. Nothing PG-13 with my baby brother.”

Regulus winced at Sirius’s words, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and frustration. He knew his brother was just looking out for him, but being treated like a child in front of James was embarrassing.

James nodded, his expression apologetic. “I understand, Sirius. It won’t happen again.”

Sirius softened slightly, but his tone remained firm. “Good. Now, Reg, you know better.”

Regulus straightened up, feeling a flush of embarrassment heat his cheeks. “What do you mean ‘I know better’? I’m an adult, not a child, and especially not your child.”

Sirius backed down a bit, surprised by Regulus’s sudden assertiveness. Regulus felt a surge of adrenaline as he continued.

“You have no power over me, you never did and you never will,” Regulus asserted, his voice steady despite the tremor in his hands. “For your information, we weren’t doing anything. I was actually helping your best friend with something you weren’t able to. But it’s none of your business what we were doing. I can shag James on this couch right now, and the only one who can tell me ‘no’ is James himself. So, get lost, brother.”

A tense silence lingered in the room as Sirius absorbed Regulus's words. Regulus felt a knot form in his stomach, unsure why Sirius was not reacting. He had expected anger or a sharp retort, but instead, Sirius remained eerily quiet, his expression unreadable. A wave of uncertainty washed over Regulus as he wondered if he had gone too far with his words.

Regulus shifted uncomfortably under Sirius’s scrutinizing gaze, his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn’t decipher Sirius’s thoughts, and the silence stretched on, thick and heavy. Just as Regulus was about to break the tension with an apology, Sirius finally spoke, his voice surprisingly calm.

“Alright, Reg. I hear you,” Sirius said quietly, his tone softer now. “I trust you both to make your own decisions.” With that, he retreated to his room, closing the door behind him.

“What just happened?” James asked quietly, his voice filled with confusion.

Regulus sighed, rubbing his temples. “I don’t know,” he admitted honestly. “But I think I went too far. Can you wait here for a bit?”

James nodded in understanding as Regulus approached Sirius’s bedroom door. He knocked softly, but there was no response. Taking a deep breath, Regulus slowly pushed the door open and stepped inside. Sirius was curled up on his bed, his back turned towards the door, and Regulus recognized the familiar posture of his brother all too well.

Regulus approached Sirius’s bed cautiously, feeling a pang of guilt for the tension he had caused. He sat down gently beside Sirius, who remained silent, his eyes fixed on a spot on the wall.

“Sirius…” Regulus began softly, unsure of what to say. Sirius winced at the sound of his voice, but didn't respond. “I’m sorry if I upset you. I didn’t mean to… I just…”

“You sound like her when you scream.” Sirius whispered.

Regulus's heart sank at Sirius's words. He forgot that Sirius leaving their house didn’t mean leaving memories behind. "I'm sorry, Siri," he said quietly, his voice heavy with regret. "I didn't mean to. I was just... frustrated. I overreacted, and I'm sorry. I’m not mad at you, I promise, I-I thought it was our normal fight.”

Sirius sighed heavily, turning to look at Regulus with weary eyes. “No, Reg, it’s not your fault. I just… I worry about you, you know? You’re my little brother, and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“I know, Siri,” Regulus replied quietly, his voice tinged with emotion. “But I’m not a child anymore. I can take care of myself.”

Sirius nodded slowly. “I know, Reg. I just… sometimes forget that you’re not so little anymore and that you don’t need me.”

“I’ll always need you, Siri. But I also need you to trust me. And calm down a bit. We really weren’t doing anything, what got into you?”

Sirius sighed heavily, his fingers threading through his hair in frustration. “I don’t know, Reg. I’m sorry, it’s just… I don’t know. You’re my brother, and I can’t help but be protective. Maybe that’s all there is to it,” he admitted. “Or maybe I’m just... feeling a bit left out. You and James seem to have this connection, and sometimes I worry that I’m being replaced.”

Regulus shifted closer, allowing Sirius to rest his head on his lap. "Siri, you could never be replaced," he said softly, his voice filled with sincerity. "You're my brother, and nothing can change that. And James genuinely loves you; he sees you as his family. If you're feeling uncertain, you can always talk to him about it." Regulus gently stroked Sirius's hair.

His brother sighed covering his face in frustration. "I've interrupted you, made a scene, and now you're the one comforting me. I'm sorry," he mumbled, his voice muffled by his hands.

“You might be a twit, but you’re my twit, okay? And you’re James’s twit too. He even chose you, which honestly speaks badly about his taste-“ Regulus was interrupted by Sirius nudging him with his elbow. “We love you and if you’re hurt we take care of that. Even if we were the reason,” he finished chuckling.

“I hate you,” Sirius mumbled.

Regulus smiled warmly. “I love you, Sirius.”

“I love you too,” Sirius replied, his voice softening.

“We should head back. James is probably stressing out,” Sirius suggested after a moment of reflection.

“Yeah, and I should head home soon,” Regulus agreed.

Sirius’s tone softened as he asked, “Will you come by soon to spend time with me?”

“Of course, Siri. I’ll come by as soon as I can. We can catch up and hang out together.”

Sirius’s face lit up with a hopeful expression. “That sounds great. Thanks, Reg.”

☆

Regulus sat in his therapist’s office, his gaze wandering around the room as he spoke. “Yeah, I don’t know, nothing is really happening, I’m just existing.”

“And something needs to be happening?”

“Well, kinda. I mean… I study, I go to work, I sit in my room. There’s not exactly much to talk about,” Regulus shrugged, his voice tinged with a sense of apathy. “There’s lots of time till the next Inner Voice, there’s no big party or trip on the way, I’m just in a limbo.”

“And you don’t want to plan anything yourself?”

“That’s the problem. To be honest, not really. When I get home I’m just tired and I want to read a book at best or go to sleep,” Regulus admitted, his shoulders slumping with fatigue. “I mean I could text my friends, but we haven’t talked in a while and it just feels weird to text out of the blue. And it’s not like they’re texting me either.”

“When was the last time you saw your friends?”

“The last time I saw Evan was during Inner Voice and it’s not like we talked about some deep stuff. Of course I’m happy that he came, but I feel like we’re getting more and more distant.” Regulus sighed.

“Relationships can change and evolve over time. It’s natural for friendships to go through ups and downs. Have you tried talking to him about how you feel?”

Regulus shook his head. “Not really. But what should I say. ‘I feel we’re less close than we used to. You don’t text me.’ He’s just gonna say that I don’t text him either.”

“It’s understandable to feel hesitant. Expressing your feelings openly can be daunting, but it’s an important step in maintaining healthy relationships. Perhaps start by mentioning that you miss spending time together or that you value your friendship with him. Then, you can gently bring up your concerns about feeling distant.”

Regulus hesitated, his thoughts swirling with uncertainty. “I’m just worried it’ll make things awkward between us.”

“It’s natural to feel apprehensive,” the therapist acknowledged. “But remember, honesty is key in fostering genuine connections. Even if the conversation is difficult, it can lead to a better understanding of each other’s feelings.”

“You make things sound so easy.” Regulus sighed. “I can’t just randomly text him and say what I want and need.”

“And why can’t you?”

Regulus huffed in frustration. “Because it’s not that simple, okay? It’s… complicated.”

“And why is it complicated to share your needs with your close friend? Please explain.”

“Ugh. It’s not. It’s just… You’re so annoying when you’re right. Stop it,” Regulus crossed his arms, a touch of irritation evident in his voice.

“So will you talk with Evan about this?”

“Yeah, I will. Just when the time is right,” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“And why not now?”

Regulus didn’t respond, prompting the therapist to continue. “Is it because you want to leave it for later hoping the problem will solve itself?”

Regulus shrugged, his voice barely audible. “Maybe.”

“And you’re aware that delaying confrontation is a pattern for you?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“What’s holding you back from addressing these issues head-on, Regulus?”

Regulus sighed, feeling the weight of his hesitation. “I guess… I’m afraid of making things worse. What if talking about it only pushes Evan further away?”

“Avoiding the conversation won’t make the problem disappear. In fact, it might lead to even more distance between you and Evan.”

Regulus nodded slowly, absorbing the therapist’s words. “I know you’re right, but it’s still hard to take that first step.”

“It’s hard but it’s still worth it, right?”

“Right.”

“Our time is slowly ending. You can probably guess that your homework is talking with Evan. Do you have any questions?”

Regulus shook his head, a sense of determination settling within him. "No questions for now. I'll talk to Evan as soon as I can."

The therapist smiled reassuringly. "Remember, it's okay to feel nervous, but don't let that stop you from addressing what's important to you. Take care, Regulus."

☆

Regulus sighed heavily as they closed the laptop, signaling the end of another research session for James’s dissertation.

“I think I hate my therapist,” he confessed, slouching back into the couch.

James raised an eyebrow. “Because she’s doing a bad job or a good job?”

Regulus shot him an annoyed glare. “Not you too, asking questions that are cryptic answers. Stop it,” he groaned, shaking his head in frustration.

James chuckled, amused by Regulus’s reaction. “Sorry, I can’t help it. It’s just fun watching you squirm.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “Well, I don’t find it fun at all. It’s like she sees right through me and makes me confront things I’d rather avoid.”

“That’s kind of her job though, isn’t it?” James pointed out gently. “To help you work through stuff and become a better version of yourself?”

Regulus sighed, knowing James was right. “Yeah, I guess so. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

James grinned. “Fair enough. So, what do you want to do now?”

Regulus shrugged. “I’m up for whatever. What do you feel like doing?”

“We could watch a movie? Or just chat? Or enjoy some silence? You do seem to appreciate quiet moments.”

Regulus felt a warm sensation spreading through him. It was comforting to know that James understood him so well.

"Thank you," he glanced at James, feeling a sense of gratitude towards him.

“For what?”

"For understanding me," Regulus replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

James's eyes softened as he reached out to gently squeeze Regulus's hand. "Always," he murmured softly.

Without saying anything more, they settled into a comfortable silence, content in each other’s presence.

Regulus broke the silence after a while. “James, can I ask you a weird question?”

“Sure,” James chuckled.

“You are gay, right?” Regulus asked, the question that had lingered in the back of his mind for a while finally finding its way out.

James laughed warmly, his eyes meeting Regulus’s with a hint of amusement. “I’m bi, Reggie, but yeah, with a bit of a preference for men. Also, I thought that lecture from Sirius gave you some kind of idea.”

Regulus let out a relieved sigh, feeling a weight lifted off his shoulders. “Okay,” he replied softly, sinking back against James’s side.

“That’s all you wanted to know?” James asked, a small smile playing on his lips.

Regulus nodded. “Yes,” he answered simply, closing his eyes ready to fall back to the comfort of silence.

But then another thought popped into his mind. “Why don’t you want to know if I’m gay?”

James burst into laughter, catching Regulus off guard. It was a valid question, especially given their close relationship.

Did James not care about that aspect of him?

“Sorry, Reggie,” James said, his laughter subsiding as he noticed Regulus’s serious expression. “I don’t need to ask you, because I know you’re gay. I’m your brother’s best friend, I know such things.”

“Oh” Regulus replied slowly, processing James's words. “Sorry. Did Sirius tell you or did you ask?”

James smiled knowingly. “And what if I was the one who asked?”

Regulus felt a rush of emotions spread through him.

Did James’s curiosity about his sexuality meant something more than just casual interest?

“Nothing. Just good to know that it was something that you wanted to know,” Regulus replied, trying to keep his voice steady despite the flutter of excitement in his chest. He hoped his feelings weren’t too obvious.

“And this isn’t a question with some bigger meaning?” James raised his brow.

Regulus paused, caught off guard again. He glanced at James, searching his eyes for any hint of deeper intention behind the question. After a moment Regulus shook his head slightly.

“No, not really,” he answered. “Just curious about your perspective, I guess.” Regulus shifted slightly, trying to appear nonchalant, but his heart raced with uncertainty and anticipation.

"Hmm, sure" James said with a smile, wrapping his arm around Regulus and pulling him closer.

“What? You don’t believe me?”

“Not even a bit, love.” James smirked.

Regulus's heart raced as he felt the surge of bravery coursing through him. "And what are you gonna do about it?" he asked, his tone teasing, yet laced with an underlying hint of anticipation.

James’s smirk widened, his gaze meeting Regulus’s with a playful glint. “Well, I could always prove you wrong.”

Regulus felt a shiver run down his spine, like a rush of excitement coursing through him. He couldn’t deny the thrill of the moment, even as he tried to suppress the growing warmth in his cheeks.

He swallowed nervously, trying to maintain his composure despite the sudden surge of adrenaline. “Prove me wrong? And how exactly do you plan on doing that?” he asked, his voice betraying a hint of curiosity.

James leaned in closer, his breath warm against Regulus’s ear as he whispered, “I’ll let you use your imagination.”

His mind raced with a myriad of possibilities as he tried to suppress the rush of excitement and confusion that James’s words stirred within him. “I-I don’t know what you mean,” Regulus stammered.

James pulled back slightly, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Well, then, I guess you’ll just have to wait and see,” he replied cryptically, a playful smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

Regulus felt a mixture of frustration and anticipation swirling inside him. “I guess I’ll have to wait and see then,” Regulus replied, trying to sound nonchalant.

James chuckled softly, his arm still wrapped around Regulus. “You know, Reggie, you don’t always have to play it cool. Sometimes it’s okay to let yourself feel things.”

Regulus quickly masked his emotions with a casual shrug. “Yeah, well, easier said than done.”

What did James mean?

As he wrestled with his thoughts, James’s understanding gaze lingered on him. “I get it. Just know that I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk about whatever’s on your mind.”

Was James giving him an opening to express his feelings? Or was he simply offering support as a friend?

The uncertainty gnawed at Regulus, leaving him torn between longing to confess and fearing rejection.

With a forced smile, Regulus nodded. “Thanks, James. I appreciate it.” But inside, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was standing at the edge of something monumental, unsure of whether to take the leap or retreat to the safety of familiarity.

Chapter Text

Regulus understood he needed to talk to Evan, but finding the right time was tricky. He couldn’t just ask for a conversation, could he?

Thankfully, Dorcas's invitation to hang out at her flat came as a relief. It provided a perfect opportunity for Regulus to approach Evan for a chat, whether over a drink or during a smoke break.

As soon as Regulus stepped into Dorcas’s flat, he couldn’t help but notice Evan’s stoic expression. Evan’s resting bitch face, as Regulus affectionately called it, made it challenging for him to discern Evan’s mood. Normally, Regulus didn’t pay much attention to Evan’s impassive demeanor, but today was different. He found himself hyper-aware of every subtle shift in Evan’s facial expressions, desperately trying to decipher any clues about how Evan felt towards him, and failing miserably. How should he know what raising a brow means?

Regulus felt a knot of anxiety forming in his stomach as he approached Evan. He tried to muster up the courage to strike up a conversation, but his nerves got the best of him. What if Evan was upset with him? What if their friendship had been irreparably damaged by something that Regulus didn’t notice?

Taking a deep breath, Regulus plastered on a smile and greeted Evan with a casual “Hey, Evan, how’s it going?” He tried to keep his tone light and nonchalant, hoping to mask the turmoil swirling inside him.

Evan glanced up from his phone, his expression unreadable. “Hey, Reg. I’m good, thanks,” he replied, his voice neutral.

Regulus felt a pang of disappointment at Evan’s lackluster response, but he tried not to let it show. Instead, he forced himself to engage in small talk, asking Evan about his day and making lighthearted jokes in an attempt to lighten the mood.

As they chatted, Regulus couldn’t shake the feeling of unease gnawing at him. He desperately wanted to address the tension between them, but he didn’t know how to broach the subject without making things even more awkward.

Despite his efforts to appear calm and collected, Regulus’s mind was racing with doubts and uncertainties. He just hoped that he and Evan could find a way to move past whatever was standing between them and salvage their friendship.

As the evening progressed, Regulus found himself growing more and more restless. He kept stealing glances at Evan, trying to gauge his friend’s mood, but Evan seemed unusually distant, lost in his own thoughts.

Finally, Evan approached Regulus, a pack of cigarettes in hand. “Hey, Reg, fancy a smoke?” he asked, his tone steady but with a hint of something unusual.

Regulus was taken aback by the unexpected invitation, but he nodded, grateful for the opportunity to talk. “Yeah, sure,” he replied, following Evan outside to the balcony.

Once they were alone, Evan lit a cigarette and took a deep drag, exhaling slowly as he contemplated his next words. “Look, Reg, I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” he began, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

Regulus blinked taken aback, but listened attentively, his heart pounding in his chest. He wasn’t sure what Evan wanted to discuss, but he was relieved that they were finally addressing the tension between them.

“I’ve noticed that things have been a bit… off between us lately,” Evan continued, choosing his words carefully. “And I just wanted to check in and make sure everything’s okay.”

Regulus felt a weight lift off his shoulders at Evan’s words. He hadn’t been imagining things after all. “Yeah, I’ve noticed it too,” he admitted, his voice soft. “I guess I’ve been feeling a bit distant lately, but it’s nothing personal, Evan. I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”

“I understand,” Evan said, his tone tinged with disappointment. There was something unsettling in his expression that made Regulus feel uneasy. “Just… I have a lot on my mind lately too, Reg, and I could use a friend. And you haven’t been making much effort lately. I’m always the one suggesting to meet up. When was the last time you reached out to me?”

Regulus felt a pang of guilt at Evan’s words. He hadn’t realized how his actions, or lack of them, were affecting their friendship. “I can’t exactly invite you to my house, you know that,” Regulus whispered, feeling a bit defensive.

“I know,” Evan replied, his voice softening. “But we can always hang out at my place. It’s not a problem. Just… reach out to me sometime, okay? Lately, I’ve been the one organizing everything, and I just got tired… and stopped, to maybe see if you still care.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Regulus admitted, his voice tinged with remorse. “I’ve been so caught up in my own stuff that I haven’t been making an effort to reach out to you. I’m sorry, Evan. I didn’t realize how much it was affecting you.”

Evan nodded understandingly, but there was still a hint of disappointment in his eyes. “It’s okay, Reg. I know you’ve been dealing with a lot lately,” he said softly. “But just know that I’m here for you, okay? You don’t have to go through it alone.”

Regulus felt a surge of gratitude towards Evan, despite his own feelings of guilt. He knew he needed to make more of an effort to be there for his friend, especially now that Evan had opened up to him.

“I promise I’ll try to do better,” Regulus said earnestly, his voice filled with determination. “I’ll reach out to you soon, I promise.”

Evan smiled, a flicker of warmth returning to his eyes. “I’ll hold you to that, Reg,” he said, his tone lightening slightly.

☆

As the night progressed and the drinks flowed freely, Regulus found himself indulging more than usual. He welcomed the warmth that spread through his body with each sip, allowing himself to relax and unwind in the company of his friends.

But amidst the laughter and chatter, his thoughts kept drifting back to James. He couldn’t shake the memory of their earlier conversation, the way James had looked at him with understanding and concern. It stirred something deep within him, igniting a spark of longing that he couldn’t quite suppress.

As he took another sip of his drink, Regulus found himself lost in thoughts of James. He replayed their interactions in his mind, searching for clues, for signs that James felt the same way. But the more he dwelled on it, the more uncertain he became.

Lost in his thoughts, Regulus drained his glass and poured himself another drink, hoping to drown out the turmoil swirling inside him. But with each sip, his thoughts only seemed to grow louder, the longing for James consuming him more and more with each passing moment.

Regulus couldn’t help but fantasize about James’s comforting presence. In his mind’s eye, he imagined James wrapping him in his strong arms, holding him close and soothing away all his worries. The thought brought a sense of warmth and security that he craved more than anything in that moment.

He pictured James running his fingers through his hair, the gentle touch sending shivers down his spine. It was comfort, intimacy, and a connection that he yearned for with every fiber of his being.

Or perhaps, in his fantasy, James would take his hand and lead him to the dance floor. They would sway together to the music, lost in each other’s arms, the rest of the world fading away into the background. It was a fleeting fantasy, but one that filled Regulus’s heart with a sense of joy and longing.

Lost in his daydreams, Regulus took another sip of his drink, letting the warmth wash over him as he allowed himself to indulge in the fantasy of being with James, if only for a moment.

As Regulus’s mind buzzed with thoughts and his heart yearned for connection, the idea of talking to James seemed more appealing than ever. If he could have an open and honest conversation with Evan, perhaps he could do the same with James.

He couldn’t shake the image of James from his mind—the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed, the warmth of his smile, the comforting strength of his presence. With each sip of his drink, Regulus felt the weight of his longing grow heavier.

Maybe he should text James, he thought. Or give him a call. Just hearing James’s voice would be enough to soothe the ache in his chest, if only for a moment.

James. James. James.

☆

Regulus woke up on Dorcas’s couch with his head pounding and the world spinning. He groaned as he tried to sit up, the memories of the previous night slowly trickling back into his foggy mind. He wasn’t sure if he was still drunk or already massively hungover—perhaps a bit of both.

Surveying his surroundings, he realized he was still fully clothed, which was a relief. But he didn’t remember how he ended up on the couch, so he must have blacked out at some point during the party. Regulus cursed himself for overindulging yet again. It wasn’t the first time he’d woken up in a haze of confusion and regret, and he knew it probably wouldn’t be the last.

Dragging himself to a sitting position, Regulus reached for his phone, wincing at the bright screen. He squinted as he checked the time and saw several missed calls and texts. He didn’t put much thought into them, they were probably from Mother, who, again, forgot that he was out that evening.

Pushing aside the notifications, Regulus focused on the immediate task at hand: finding relief for his throbbing headache. He dragged himself to a sitting position and swung his legs over the side of the couch, his head spinning slightly with the movement. With unsteady steps, he made his way to the kitchen, his eyes squinting against the harsh morning light filtering in through the windows.

Once in the kitchen, Regulus rummaged through the cabinets until he found a bottle of aspirin. With trembling hands, he popped a couple of pills and washed them down with a glass of water. He leaned against the kitchen counter, closing his eyes and taking slow, deep breaths, willing the throbbing pain to subside.

As the aspirin began to take effect, Regulus’s mind wandered back to the events of the previous night. He tried to piece together the fragments of memories, but everything was hazy and disjointed. He vaguely recalled drinking more than he should have, getting caught up in the lively atmosphere of the party.

A sudden realization hit Regulus like a ton of bricks. Oh no, no, no. He rushed back to the sitting room, frantically grabbing his phone.

Regulus’s heart sank as he scrolled through his recent phone calls and saw the thirty-second call with James. Panic surged through him, his mind racing to recall what they might have talked about during that call. He couldn’t remember a single thing, and that terrified him.

With trembling fingers, he opened the conversation with James and saw five voice messages from him to James. Regulus’s stomach twisted into knots as he hesitated, debating whether he should listen to them or not. Part of him was desperate to know what he had said, but another part was too afraid to face the consequences of his drunken ramblings.

James had already listened to the messages, so there was no point in deleting them. Regulus felt a sense of helplessness wash over him. He needed to fix everything and do it fast.

With a sense of urgency, Regulus quickly called himself an Uber, determined to confront whatever mess he had made head-on.

When he arrived in front of James’s flat and knocked on the door, Regulus felt like he was on the verge of tears.

“Reggie?” James, with his hair disheveled and dressed in pyjama pants, opened the door. “Sirius is not here-“

“I’m not here for Sirius,” Regulus interrupted, trying to suppress the panic rising within him as he stepped inside the flat.

When he found himself in the middle of the sitting room, Regulus turned to face James. “I-I’m sorry for whatever I said when I called you and then in those voice messages. I don’t remember a bloody thing and I am too scared to actually listen to them and I-“ his voice trailed off as James enveloped him in a hug, cutting off his words.

“Love, you didn’t say anything,” James reassured him gently. “You just called me, saying you wanted to tell me something important. But you were drunk, so I suggested we talk when you’re sober. And your voice messages are just you agreeing that we should meet and talk and saying how grateful you are that I wanted to wait till you’re sober. So please, breathe.”

Regulus felt a wave of relief wash over him at James’s words. He hadn’t made a complete fool of himself after all. Taking a deep breath, he leaned into James’s embrace, grateful for his understanding.

“Thank you, James,” he murmured, his voice laced with sincerity. “I’m sorry for bothering you like this.”

James squeezed him tighter. “You’re never a bother, Reg. I’m here for you whenever you need me, and even if you don’t.”

Regulus nuzzled his face into James’s chest.

“But…” James started slowly. “If you’re here… Maybe we can talk about the thing you wanted to talk about? It seemed like something very important to you.”

Regulus hesitated. “It’s embarrassing,” he whispered, feeling warmth creeping up his cheeks.

“Come here.” James moved them to the couch and sat Regulus on his lap. “If you think embarrassing is going to scare me off, you are very wrong,” he said, gently cupping Regulus’s face in his hands.

Regulus dropped his eyes, unable to meet James’s gaze. “It’s more than that. I-I’m scared that I will lose you if I tell you.”

James gently lifted Regulus's chin, guiding his gaze to meet his own. “Reggie, whatever it is, you won’t lose me,” he said reassuringly, his eyes filled with warmth and sincerity.

Regulus wrapped his hands around James’s neck and put his head on his shoulder. “I’m scared,” he whispered, his voice muffled against James’s skin.

James’s fingers threaded through Regulus’s hair. “Please, love, tell me. You’re worrying me,” he urged, his tone laced with concern.

Regulus swallowed hard, summoning the courage to voice his deepest fears. “I like you, and I’m scared you don’t like me back,” he confessed, his words rushed and barely coherent. The weight of his confession hung heavy in the air, leaving him feeling exposed and vulnerable.

He pressed his face against James’s neck even harder, seeking refuge from the overwhelming rush of emotions. He wished he could melt into James’s embrace, disappearing into the safety of his warmth. He longed to hide inside James, to escape the tumultuous storm of emotions raging within him.

Regulus’s heart skipped a beat as he heard James’s soft voice, bracing himself for the potential sting of rejection. “Oh love,” James said tenderly, his words wrapping around Regulus like a warm embrace. “Reggie, baby, I like you too. A lot.”

Regulus’s mind raced with disbelief and uncertainty. Could it be true? Did James truly share his feelings?

“Do you remember our last conversation? I thought it was obvious confirmation,” James chuckled, his voice carrying a hint of amusement.

Regulus felt a surge of conflicting emotions—relief, disbelief, and a tinge of annoyance at James’s nonchalant demeanor. “It wasn’t,” he mumbled against James’s skin, his frustration momentarily overshadowing the weight of his confession. “You just made everything more complicated. You always make things so complicated.”

James’s laughter filled the room. It was a sound that felt like home, not like his cold house, like home was supposed to feel like. Regulus wished he could capture this sound and keep it with him always, a reminder of the happiness he felt in James’s presence.

“You are the most beautiful person I know, inside and outside.” James whispered to his ear.

Regulus shifted slightly, meeting James’s gaze with a mixture of surprise and vulnerability. “James, I literally look disgusting and I smell like booze.”

James reached out, gently tucking a loose strand of hair behind Regulus’s ear. “To me, you always look perfect, Reggie. And as for the smell, you can be the smelliest person on earth and I would still want you,” he said with a soft chuckle, his eyes filled with warmth and affection.

Regulus felt a rush of warmth spread through him at James’s words. He wanted to believe them, to let go of his insecurities and simply bask in James’s love and acceptance. But old habits die hard, and the nagging voice of doubt still lingered in the back of his mind. “You are so stupid.”

“Maybe I am, but I mean every word, Reggie,” James said sincerely. “You mean the world to me, and I’ll never get tired of telling you how much I adore you.”

Overwhelmed by a surge of emotions, Regulus felt tears welling up in his eyes, streaming down his cheeks in an uncontrollable cascade. It was as if a dam had burst, releasing a torrent of pent-up feelings that he had kept bottled inside for far too long.

Feeling lost and vulnerable, Regulus didn’t know how to handle the flood of emotions washing over him. He simply allowed the tears to flow freely, unable to stem them. But then, with tender care, James began to kiss away the tears falling down Regulus’s cheeks.

As James’s lips met his skin, Regulus felt a sense of belonging and solace wash over him, soothing the ache in his heart and easing the weight of his burdens.

His lips moved tenderly across Regulus’s face, planting soft kisses on his eyelids, forehead, and nose. Their eyes met, and Regulus could see the reflection of his own longing mirrored in James’s gaze.

In that moment, all the uncertainty and fear melted away, replaced by an overwhelming sense of connection and desire. As James drew closer, their lips met in a soft, tender kiss.

It was a moment of perfect clarity, an affirmation of the deep bond that existed between them. Regulus knew that he was exactly where he was meant to be, wrapped in James’s embrace, their hearts beating as one.

But suddenly Regulus felt his stomach lurch, a wave of nausea washing over him like a tidal wave. Without warning, he bolted from James’s embrace, his legs carrying him swiftly to the bathroom just in time to empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet bowl.

He heard James’s footsteps approaching, followed by the sound of the bathroom door creaking open. A hand landed gently on his back, offering a comforting touch as he retched and heaved.

“There, there,” James murmured, his voice filled with concern. “You really are hungover, huh?”

Regulus nodded weakly, still feeling queasy and drained from the ordeal. He leaned against the cool porcelain of the toilet.

Before he could utter an apology for ruining the moment, James interrupted him with a reassuring squeeze of his shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it, Reggie,” James said softly, his voice filled with understanding. “Hangovers happen to the best of us. Let’s focus on getting you feeling better, okay?”

All Regulus managed was a weak nod. He sank to the bathroom floor, feeling utterly drained and defeated.

“Love, can you handle a shower?” James’s voice was gentle as he moved to sit beside him. “Maybe a shower will help you feel a bit more human. And later, you can kip here with me, alright?”

He nodded again and mustered up the energy to stand, leaning on James for support. Despite the short distance to the shower, James still guided Regulus there, ensuring he didn't stumble.

"I'll grab you some fresh clothes," James offered. "I'll wait right outside the door, so if you need anything, just shout or make a loud noise, alright?"

Regulus managed a weak smile of gratitude before stepping into the shower. The warm water felt soothing against his skin, easing some of the discomfort from his hangover. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh, trying to clear his mind and focus on the present moment.

As he finished his shower and dried off, Regulus couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief wash over him. James had been so understanding and supportive, even in the midst of his own vulnerability. He wrapped himself in the fresh clothes James had provided and stepped out of the bathroom, feeling slightly more human than before.

James was waiting for him, a gentle smile on his lips. “Feeling better?” he asked, his tone filled with genuine concern.

“Yeah, a bit. Thanks to you,” he replied softly.

As James guided him, Regulus expected to be taken to Sirius’s room or back to the couch, but James turned to his bedroom. That’s when Regulus realised he had never actually been there before.

The room was a kaleidoscope of colors, a vibrant symphony that danced before his eyes. It was unlike any room Regulus had ever seen, a whimsical sanctuary that seemed to reflect James’s spirit. The walls were adorned with posters of bands and movies, interspersed with stickers, notes, and other eclectic trinkets. Each item seemed to hold a story, a memory, and Regulus found himself drawn to them, wanting to uncover the secrets they held. There was an organized chaos to it all, a charming disorder that somehow felt comforting.

The bed was adorned with string lights that cast a warm glow across the room, illuminating the various plush animals that sat upon it. Regulus couldn’t help but smile at the sight, feeling a sense of warmth and familiarity wash over him despite the unfamiliar surroundings.

Regulus blinked, taking in the sight of James’s bedroom with a mixture of awe and curiosity. He had never imagined that a bedroom, a place where you should relax and unwind, could be so colorful and lively, yet somehow it felt perfectly suited to James.

“I know my room is… a lot,” James murmured, his voice soft and almost hesitant. “If you prefer a more calming space, we can always go to Sirius’s room.”

Regulus smiled gently, wrapping his arms around James’s torso. “Your room is perfect, Jamie,” he reassured him. “It’s a reflection of who you are, and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

“Are you sure?” James asked, still uncertain.

“Yes, I am sure, and you will explain everything in here to me. But later, because I really need a kip,” Regulus replied with a smile as he walked over to the bed.

“Excuse me, guys, but we need to share this space. Can I move you a bit? I’ll be gentle,” he spoke softly to the plush animals on the bed before carefully repositioning them and settling into the bed.

“You are such a softie,” James chuckled as he settled into the bed next to him.

“No, I’m not. I am simply polite to the citizens of this bed,” Regulus replied. “And if you tell that to anyone, you will end up dead.”

James laughed and Regulus nestled closer to him. He felt the comforting weight of James’s arm around him.

“So, you’re my boyfriend now?” James asked as Regulus was slowly drifting away.

He smiled sleepily, his eyelids heavy with drowsiness. “Mhm,” he murmured softly.

Chapter Text

As Regulus woke up, his head still throbbing with a headache, he was enveloped in warmth and the comforting scent of James. Everything around him seemed to be infused with it, as if James’s presence had seeped into every corner of the room.

Opening his eyes, Regulus pinched himself, half-expecting to wake up from a dream. But when he felt the solid presence of James beside him, he knew it was real. Gently, he moved his hand to James’s chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath his touch. It felt natural, but a wave of uncertainty washed over him as he realised how little he knew about relationships. What were the rules? How should he act? What should he say? Regulus was suddenly acutely aware of the unfamiliar territory he found himself in, and he couldn’t help but wonder if he was doing it right.

He felt his muscles tensing and James must have felt it too because soon he said warmly without opening his eyes, “Reggie, I’m here, I’m real and you are real, please breathe.”

Regulus closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing as James’s soothing words washed over him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, feeling embarrassed by his sudden anxiety.

“Don’t apologize, love,” James murmured, his voice gentle and reassuring. “Just focus on your breath, in and out.”

Regulus followed James’s instructions, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly. Gradually, he felt the tension in his muscles begin to ease, replaced by a sense of calm.

James continued to hold him close, offering silent support as Regulus regained control of his breathing. After a few moments, Regulus opened his eyes and met James’s gaze.

“Morning, love,” James said softly, his voice filled with warmth and affection.

Regulus returned the smile, feeling a rush of warmth flood his chest at the endearment. “Morning,” he replied, his voice still slightly hoarse from sleep.

“Are you okay?” James’s voice was gentle as he continued to stroke Regulus’s hair. “Do you want me to do something?”

Regulus felt a knot of uncertainty tightening in his chest. He wished James could provide the answers he sought, could offer guidance in navigating the maze of emotions swirling within him.

“Talk to me, please,” James’s soft plea broke through the silence, his kiss on the top of Regulus’s head a tender reassurance.

His gentle touch and soothing voice offered some measure of comfort, but Regulus couldn’t shake the overwhelming sense of confusion.

“I… I don’t know,” he stammered, his voice trembling with uncertainty. “I’m just… I’m not sure what to do. What’s… what’s normal? What’s… expected?”

James furrowed his brow, concern evident in his expression. “What are you talking about, Reggie?”

Regulus hesitated, unsure of how to articulate his thoughts. “I mean… I’ve never really been in a relationship before. I don’t know what’s supposed to happen next.”

James’s expression softened as he reached out to gently cup Regulus’s face. “Reggie, there are no set rules or expectations. We can just… figure it out together, okay? We’ll take things at our own pace, and whatever feels right for us is what matters.”

Regulus’s voice was barely above a whisper as he confessed, “I just don’t want to disappoint you.”

James’s eyes filled with tenderness as he replied, “Reggie, baby. And how would you disappoint me?”

Regulus hesitated. “By not being good enough. By not knowing what you want or need, and by making you feel uncomfortable or unsure. Not touching you enough or touching you too much, in all the wrong places. Asking too many questions and making things too dry and awkward or asking not enough questions and crossing your boundaries. I don’t want to mess things up, Jamie. I want to be everything you deserve.”

Regulus felt James’s arms pulling him even closer. They lay together in silence for a while, the only sound being the steady rhythm of their breathing. But as the minutes passed without James saying a word, Regulus’s was getting nervous.

“Jamie… Why are you not saying anything?” he asked, his voice hesitant, breaking the silence that had settled between them.

“I’m thinking, love. How to respond so you could ease a bit, but I’m not sure which approach to take,” James said, his tone deliberate.

“Oh,” Regulus replied, taken aback by James’s honesty. It wasn’t the response he had expected.

“Reggie,” James began, his voice gentle yet resolute after a long minute of contemplation. “You can never be less than enough, and I will try my best to make you believe it. I don’t want to brush off your concerns by simply saying you’re always perfect, side note - you are, but I understand where you’re coming from. I hear that you are concerned about my boundaries and my needs. We can absolutely talk about that, I would even say we should talk about that for both of us. I don’t think this is the best moment, maybe we can talk about it in a few days? You’ll have time to think, and I will too, okay?”

Regulus let out a relieved sigh, feeling a weight lifting off his shoulders. “Okay,” he murmured, nodding slowly. It all seemed so real, like a big test, but James’s reassurance helped ease his nerves.

“And baby, please don’t stress about not knowing what to do or asking too many questions,” James continued, his expression softening into a warm smile. “I don’t know who told you that I have this massive experience in the dating field, but I don’t. Please don’t think of me as someone who knows it all.”

“Okay,” Regulus agreed with a grin, feeling a surge of affection for James. “Can I kiss you right now?”

“Yes,” James said softly, his eyes locking with Regulus’s as they leaned in closer, their lips meeting in a tender kiss.

They should sell kisses as medicine, Regulus mused silently, the thought fleeting as he lost himself in the warmth and sweetness of James’s embrace.

He couldn’t help but marvel at the sensation of James’s lips against his own, each touch sending tingles of warmth coursing through his body. It was a moment of pure bliss, a moment he wished could last forever.

As their lips parted, Regulus found himself longing for more, craving the comfort and reassurance that James’s presence brought him. He leaned in for another kiss, wanting to savor every moment they shared together, like he was afraid James might disappear.

As they finally pulled away from each other, Regulus found himself lingering in the space between them, reluctant to let go. He pressed his forehead against James’s, their breaths mingling in the quiet intimacy of the moment.

“I’m here, Reggie,” James whispered, his voice filled with reassurance. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Sap.” Regulus commented but was secretly glad for James’s reassurance. He glanced at the time on James’s phone, his heart sinking at the realization of how late it was. “Shit, it’s late. Can you drive me home?” he asked, a hint of urgency in his voice.

James’s expression softened with understanding, but there was a hint of concern in his eyes. “Sure, but I thought we might want to tell Sirius,” he ventured tentatively.

Regulus’s heart sank at the reminder, the knot in his stomach tightening. “Yeah, I know we should, but…” He trailed off, unable to voice his reluctance to dampen the newfound joy between him and James with a potentially tense confrontation with his brother. “Can we do it another time? I don’t know how long the conversation will take, and I really need to get going,” he pleaded, hoping James would understand his hesitation.

Regulus could sense the slight disappointment in James’s expression, but he nodded nonetheless. “Yeah, of course. We can talk to Sirius another time.”

As James parked near Regulus’s house, they lingered in the car, neither of them eager to part ways just yet. With a soft sigh, James leaned in and captured Regulus’s lips in last tender kiss.

Regulus closed his eyes, letting himself get lost in the sensation of James’s lips against his own. He tried to focus on remembering every detail of the kiss—the warmth of James’s breath, the gentle pressure of his lips, the softness of his touch—as if committing it to memory would somehow make the moment last longer.

As James waved and drove away, Regulus stood for a moment, watching the car disappear down the street. With a deep breath, he turned and walked toward his house.

“Hi, Mother,” he called out as he stepped inside. However, there was no immediate response. Regulus hung his coat on the hanger and proceeded to the sitting room, scanning the area.

He spotted his mother sitting at the table, engrossed in something on her computer. “Hi,” he called out again, a bit louder this time, hoping to catch her attention, but still no answer.

Regulus approached her cautiously, unsure of what to expect. Standing beside her, he hesitated for a moment before speaking again.

“Is everything alright?” he asked, his voice tinged with concern.

His mother finally looked up from her computer screen, her expression unreadable. “Is it? Maybe you’ll tell me,” she replied curtly, her tone devoid of warmth.

Regulus shifted uncomfortably, unsure of how to proceed. “Um… I… just wanted to check in,” he murmured, his voice faltering slightly.

“How generous of you. What do you want? Money? You would have money if you stopped drinking,” she retorted.

His heart sank as he struggled to maintain his composure. “Is it about the party? I told you I was going there,” he murmured, his voice tinged with sorrow.

His mother’s gaze remained cold and distant. “I don’t recall.”

Regulus felt a lump form in his throat, a knot of despair tightening in his chest. “It’s not my fault you don’t remember. I-I really told you about that,” he said softly, his voice trembling with unspoken hurt.

Regulus stood there, feeling the weight of his mother’s indifference like a heavy burden on his shoulders. He wanted to explain, to make her understand, but he knew it would be futile.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “Next time I will be more careful when I let you know where I am… to keep you informed.”

Once again, his words were met with silence.

“Do you really think I’m incapable of simply asking how you are?” Regulus’s voice wavered with emotion as he spoke, his heart heavy with disappointment and longing for connection.

Regulus stood there for a moment, waiting for a response that never came. With a heavy sigh, he turned away, feeling the weight of his mother’s indifference settle on his shoulders like a heavy burden.

As he made his way to his room, he couldn’t shake the sense of loneliness that enveloped him. Despite the warmth he had felt in James’s embrace, the coldness of his mother’s reception left him feeling hollow and isolated.

Slumping onto his bed, Regulus buried his face in his hands, the events of the day swirling through his mind.

He replayed the interaction with his mother over and over in his mind, searching for any misstep or mistake he might have made that could have caused her coldness towards him.

Was it his fault for not being more attentive, for not anticipating her needs and concerns? Had he failed to communicate effectively, leaving her feeling neglected and unimportant? Or was it something deeper, something he couldn’t even begin to comprehend?

The uncertainty gnawed at him, fueling his sense of inadequacy and self-blame. He wished he could turn back time, undo whatever had caused this rift between them.

As the weight of his self-loathing bore down on him, a dangerous idea began to take root in his mind. What if he deserved the pain he was feeling? What if he deserved to suffer for his mistakes, for his inadequacies, for his very existence?

The thought sent a shiver down his spine, but it also brought with it a twisted sense of relief. Maybe, just maybe, he could punish himself for his sins, for his unworthiness and everything will be okay.

The temptation was strong, almost overpowering, and Regulus felt himself teetering on the edge of a precipice, unsure if he would be able to resist the pull of his impulses. But deep down, a small voice whispered to him, urging him to hold on, to seek help, to believe that he was worthy of love and forgiveness, even if he couldn’t see it in himself.

With a trembling hand, Regulus reached for his phone, his fingers hovering over the screen as he debated whether to reach out for help or to give in to the darkness that threatened to consume him.

How would James respond to his new boyfriend telling him he has thoughts about hurting himself the second he’s not with him? Would he be disappointed? Repulsed? Would he see Regulus as damaged goods, unworthy of love or understanding?

The mere idea of burdening James with his struggles felt suffocating, as if admitting to his own darkness would irreparably damage their budding relationship.

He was about to put away his phone when he heard the familiar sound. Regulus’s heart sank as he stared at the notification on his phone, reminding him of the upcoming milestone of three months of sobriety from self-harm. It should have been a cause for celebration, a testament to his strength and resilience. But instead, it stirred up a torrent of conflicting emotions within him.

On one hand, he knew that reaching three months without succumbing to the urge to hurt himself was an achievement worth celebrating. It was a sign of progress, a glimmer of hope in his ongoing battle against his inner demons. Yet, paradoxically, the reminder of this milestone only seemed to intensify his cravings, fueling his desire to give in to the familiar urge to self-destruct.

It was a cruel paradox, the very thought of progress triggering a resurgence of the impulses he had fought so hard to suppress. Regulus couldn’t help but feel a sense of frustration and despair wash over him, as if his efforts to break free from the cycle of self-harm were doomed to be in vain.

He felt a sense of shame wash over him, as if his inability to fully embrace his progress was a failure in itself. He knew that he should be proud of how far he had come, but instead, he couldn’t shake the gnawing sense of inadequacy that lingered within him.

With a heavy heart, he dismissed the notification and tossed his phone aside, feeling more lost and alone than ever. The road to recovery felt like an uphill battle, fraught with obstacles and pitfalls at every turn. And as the two-day countdown to his milestone continued to tick away, Regulus couldn’t shake the feeling that he was teetering on the edge of a precipice, one misstep away from plunging back into the darkness he had fought so hard to escape.

☆

As Regulus made his way to Evan’s place, a sense of pride swelled within him. It may have been as simple as asking Evan to hang out, but he knew that reaching out spoke volumes to his friend, and that made him feel like a good friend indeed.

Even though he anticipated Barty’s presence at the gathering, Regulus didn’t mind. He was eager to share his big news about James being his boyfriend, and he welcomed the distraction from the relentless racing thoughts.

As Regulus stepped inside, Barty practically leaped at him with excitement. “Reg, check it out! Snake power!” Barty exclaimed, pointing enthusiastically at his socks.

Regulus glanced down and immediately recognised the green socks adorned with silver snakes. They were a Christmas gift he had given Barty two years ago, and he couldn’t help but grin at the sight.

“Nice socks,” Regulus remarked, impressed by Barty’s choice. “Snake power indeed.”

“Why don’t you have yours on?” Barty pouted. Regulus was taken aback by Barty’s unexpected display of affection. He hadn’t anticipated such a question, let alone any form of sentiment from Barty.

“Oh… They’re in the laundry basket unfortunately,” Regulus replied, fabricating a quick excuse. In reality, he knew the matching pair was neatly tucked away in his socks drawer. But he hadn’t anticipated Barty’s sudden sentimental moment, caught off guard by the unexpected emotional exchange.

Barty’s face fell slightly at the response, but he quickly perked up again. “That’s a shame, mate. We could’ve been twinning!” he exclaimed with a grin, seemingly unfazed by Regulus’s excuse.

“Barty, calm down and give Reg some space,” Evan’s voice called out from the sitting room.

“He’s been buzzing with excitement ever since you said you were coming over,” Evan chuckled as Regulus settled onto the couch beside him.

“I wonder what got into him,” Regulus mused with a smile.

“Can’t a guy just be happy?” Barty scoffed, eliciting laughter from Evan and Regulus.

“Okay, so I’ve got some big news,” Regulus began, feeling a sense of excitement bubbling inside him.

“We have some big news too,” Evan interjected with a mysterious smile. “But you go first.”

“So… I have a boyfriend,” Regulus announced, feeling a warm glow spreading through his chest as he said the words out loud.

“What? Who’s your boyfriend?” Barty looked bewildered.

“It’s probably Potter, idiot,” Evan said, shooting Barty a knowing glance. “But let him continue.”

“Yeah, it’s James,” Regulus confirmed, feeling a blush creeping into his cheeks.

“Look how flustered you get when you talk about him. That’s adorable,” Evan remarked, teasingly.

“Shut up,” Regulus replied, but the smile on his face betrayed his attempt at a stern tone.

“Seriously though, I’m happy for you, Reg,” Evan said sincerely. “Potter seems like a good guy.”

Regulus nodded, feeling a surge of gratitude for Evan’s support. “He is. I still don’t know what he sees in me.”

“He sees what we all see,” Evan reassured him with a warm smile. “A kind, caring person who deserves to be loved. Barty and I were discussing this recently. Sure, you may not have had much experience in dating, but when someone finally catches you, they’ll be head over heels for you.”

Regulus chuckled, breaking the seriousness of the moment. “Why were you discussing my love life, you creeps?”

Evan grinned. “We’re just looking out for you, mate.”

Barty interjected with a mischievous grin, “Besides, your love life is far more interesting than ours! We are now just a boring couple.”

Regulus rolled his eyes playfully. “I highly doubt that, but thanks for the vote of confidence.”

Evan leaned back on the couch, a thoughtful expression crossing his face. “So, how did it happen? How did you and Potter finally become a thing?”

Regulus leaned back as well, a smile tugging at his lips. “Well, it’s kind of a long story,” he began. “Let’s just say it involved a lot of me panicking.”

“And that’s different from your normal day… how?” Barty quipped with a smirk.

“Respectfully, go fuck yourself, Barty,” Regulus shot back. “James calms me down, okay? He’s like a human stress reliever.”

Evan chuckled at their banter, shaking his head. “Well, I’m glad Potter has that effect on you. You deserve someone who brings you peace.”

“Wait. Potter is your brother’s best mate, right?” Barty asked. “What did he say to that?”

Regulus’s smile faltered slightly at the mention of Sirius. “Uh, he doesn’t know yet,” he admitted sheepishly. “We were planning on telling him, but things got a bit… complicated.”

Evan raised an eyebrow. “Complicated how?”

Regulus hesitated, feeling the weight of his evasiveness. “Complicated as in I wasn’t really planning on telling him to avoid ruining my mood and James doesn’t want to keep it from him.”

“Well, it’s probably best to tell him sooner rather than later. He’s your brother, after all.”

Regulus sighed, knowing Evan was right. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll find the right time to talk to him.”

Barty chimed in, “Just make sure you’re ready for whatever reaction he might have. Sirius can be… unpredictable.”

Regulus nodded, a hint of apprehension clouding his expression. “Yeah, I know.”

“And what’s your big news?” Regulus asked trying to change the subject.

“Well… we’re moving in together!” Evan exclaimed, his eyes lighting up with excitement.

“My grandpa kicked the bucket, and I inherited his flat,” Barty explained.

Regulus’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Wow… that’s… fast,” he replied, trying to process the unexpected turn of events.

“Yeah, it’s a bit sudden,” Evan admitted, “but we’ve been discussing it for a while, and this opportunity just came up sooner than we expected.”

Barty nodded eagerly. “It’s a great place, and it’ll be nice to have our own space together.”

Regulus smiled, despite his own reservations about the speed of their decision. “That’s really exciting, guys. Congratulations!”

Evan grinned, pleased by Regulus’s reaction. “Thanks, mate. We’re pretty stoked about it.”

Despite his genuine happiness for his friends, Regulus couldn’t shake the nagging feeling of unease in the back of his mind. Evan and Barty moving in together was a major milestone, and while he wished them the best, he wasn’t sure if they were ready for it. But maybe living together meant less fighting, not more. Perhaps it would bring them closer together, strengthening their bond and deepening their connection.

Evan noticed Regulus’s contemplative expression. “Hey, you alright?”

Regulus glanced up, offering a small smile. “Yeah, just thinking about it all. It’s a big step, but I’m sure you two will make it work.”

“Thanks, Reg,” Barty grinned. “And hey, you’ll be the first person invited to our flat warming party!”

☆

Regulus arrived at James’s flat to keep him company while he worked on his dissertation. He wasn’t sure if this meant they would be discussing their relationship afterward or if that conversation was scheduled for another time.

But Regulus pushed those thoughts aside and simply enjoyed being there with James. He curled up next to him, listening attentively as James commented on what he was writing, grateful for the opportunity to support him in any way he could.

He was truly impressed by how well James worked when he had him by his side. Regulus felt a swell of pride for his boyfriend’s dedication and determination. He knew it wasn’t easy; there were moments when James would sit in silence, staring at the screen for what felt like ages, or times when Regulus would arrive to find parts of the work deleted, likely a result of James’s panicked editing between their meetings. But Regulus understood that these challenges were all part of the process, and he admired James even more for everything he was going through.

Regulus whispered to James’s ear as he finished his writing for the day, “I’m so proud of you.”

“Don’t say that,” James responded shortly.

Regulus’s heart sank as James’s response echoed in his ears. He hadn’t expected his words of encouragement to have such a negative impact. Slowly, he withdrew his hand from James’s shoulder, his brows furrowing with concern.

“Why can’t I say it? I am proud of you,” Regulus repeated softly, his voice laced with sincerity.

James let out a frustrated sigh, his shoulders tense with internal conflict. “Stop. Please,” he pleaded, his tone tinged with desperation. “I feel like shit for needing help to do it, and you saying stuff like that makes me feel even less competent.”

Regulus paused, taking in James’s words, his heart sinking with each one. He hadn’t realized his encouragement might have the opposite effect. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, withdrawing his hand from James’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I just… I want you to know how much I admire your hard work and dedication.”

James let out another heavy sigh, his gaze falling to his hands in his lap. “I know, Reggie,” he replied, his voice laced with exhaustion. “And I appreciate it, I really do. It’s just… I feel like I should be able to do this on my own, you know?”

Regulus nodded understandingly, his heart aching at the vulnerability in James’s words. “I get it,” he said softly, reaching out to gently squeeze James’s hand. “But sometimes, we all need a little support. And there’s no shame in that.”

James met Regulus’s gaze, his eyes clouded with uncertainty. “Then why do I feel so ashamed?” he whispered, his voice barely audible.

Regulus’s heart twisted with empathy as he watched James struggle with his emotions. “Because you think that you needing help is a sign of weakness,” he replied gently. “But it’s not. It’s actually a sign of strength to recognise when you need assistance and to reach out for it.”

As James’s shoulders sagged with the weight of his emotions, Regulus reached out to brush a stray lock of hair from his forehead. “I understand your frustration, Jamie,” he said softly. “But just know that you’re not alone in this. I’m here for you, and I’m proud of you for being brave enough to ask for help when you need it.”

James stole a quick glance at Regulus, a mixture of surprise and appreciation evident in his eyes. Regulus responded with a reassuring smile, leaning in to press a gentle kiss against James’s temple.

“Okay, I-I get it,” James whispered, his voice barely audible. “But can we maybe keep it between us? Without saying it out loud? So it doesn’t overwhelm me?”

Regulus nodded, understanding James’s need for privacy. “Of course, I’ll keep it to myself,” he replied softly. “Your comfort comes first, always.”

“And you are not annoyed with me?” James asked, a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

“No, I’m not. Far from it,” Regulus chuckled warmly.

“We should talk about us, right?” James asked few minutes later, resting his head on Regulus’s shoulder.

“Well, we don’t have to, if you’re feeling tired,” Regulus replied, gently stroking James’s hair.

“But is it still stressing you out?” James continued.

Regulus hesitated, unsure of how to respond. “Maybe? But the conversation stressed me out too, so it’s quite balanced,” he attempted to lighten the mood with a joke, but James just looked at him sadly.

“Why is talking with me stressing you out?” James asked concerned.

Regulus sighed, feeling a pang of guilt for worrying James. “It’s not you, it’s just… I don’t know how to explain it,” he admitted, struggling to find the right words.

“Can you just tell me if you need more time to think about it or if it’s your mind trying to avoid something uncomfortable?” James asked gently.

Regulus wanted to disappear, but as he was cuddling James, there was no escape. “It’s the latter,” he mumbled defeatedly, his shoulders slumping with the weight of his confession.

James lifted his head from Regulus’s shoulder and kissed him on the cheek. “So maybe we should rip the bandaid and talk? What do you think?”

“You’re probably right, but you’re annoying me by being so logical about it,” Regulus grumbled, but as James proceeded to cover his face with kisses, he felt the tension easing away.

“Can you start?” Regulus asked, needing to hear James first for reassurance that his needs wouldn’t be deemed too excessive.

“So you can compare yourself to me and not tell me everything that’s on your mind? Not gonna happen, baby,” James replied with a smile.

“I hate you,” Regulus said, rolling his eyes.

“No, you don’t,” James replied with a playful grin. “So tell me, what do you like, what do you need, and how can I make you feel good?”

Taking a deep breath, Regulus began, “Well, I’m not entirely sure what I like. I’ve never been in a relationship before and my experiences are limited to just kissing. I do enjoy it when you touch me, although it’s strange because I’m not typically fond of physical contact. But sometimes, even your touch can be too much for me. And as for more… well, it’s a bit terrifying, to be honest. I’ve never had sex and the idea makes me nervous. But maybe I should just push through and give it a try—“

“Hold on,” James interrupted gently. “There’s no need to rush into anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“But you can’t wait for me forever,” Regulus argued.

“And pressuring you into something you’re not ready for is the solution?” James countered.

Regulus hesitated, realizing the flaw in his reasoning. “I guess not,” he admitted reluctantly.

“See? Continue please,” James encouraged, his voice gentle and reassuring.

“I already forgot what I said,” Regulus sighed, frustration lacing his tone. “Oh… well, you remember what I told you at the Halloween party, right? About… about you know what. It’s something I’d rather not discuss again if we can avoid it. I have no idea if it will have any impact on me relationship-wise, but can you please remember it? I don’t want to talk about it again.”

“Of course, love. I hear you,” James responded softly, his warm touch soothing Regulus’s nerves. He reached for Regulus’s hand, intertwining their fingers as he traced comforting circles on Regulus’s palm with his thumb.

“Do I need to explain why we won’t be able to meet at my house?” Regulus asked with a weak smile.

“No, you don’t need to do that, and you’re always welcome here, love,” James replied, his tone reassuring.

“Thank you,” Regulus said quietly, feeling grateful for James’s understanding.
“I also really value my alone time,” Regulus added. “So if I ever need space or time to myself, I hope you’ll understand and respect that.”

“Of course,” James replied, squeezing Regulus’s hand in reassurance.

Regulus smiled gratefully. “Also as you know, I have a tendency to overthink things, especially in new situations,” he admitted. “So if I seem hesitant or uncertain, it’s not because I don’t trust you. I just need a bit of time to process.”

James nodded understandingly. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he promised.

Regulus took a deep breath, feeling a sense of relief at having expressed his needs. “Lastly, there’s also one thing, but I’m not sure if I want to talk about it today. You might be able to guess what it is. I-I just can’t today, okay?”

“Okay,” James responded gently. “Thank you for explaining this to me. Do you want me to remind you, or will you just tell me when you’re ready?”

“I will tell you,” Regulus affirmed, feeling a sense of relief at James’s patience and support. “So for now, I think that’s all from my side. You can talk now.”

James chuckled softly, his eyes warm with affection. “Thank you for your permission. So first of all, please don’t treat me as the relationship expert, because I am not one. This is a blind leading the blind situation. All I can tell you is that I like you, Reggie, and I like to make you happy.” His gaze softened as he reached out to gently brush Regulus’s cheek. “But I know this is not exactly the answer you were hoping for.”

“Not exactly.” Regulus sighed.

“I have one thing that’s really important to me,” James continued, his expression earnest. “I want you to know that I value both you and Sirius deeply, and I never want to be put in a position where I have to choose between supporting one of you over the other. It’s crucial to me that neither of you feels abandoned or sidelined in any situation.”

Regulus listened intently and nodded slowly.

“But, if there ever comes a moment when you feel like you need me in your corner, regardless of who’s ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ in the situation, please tell me,” James concluded, his gaze unwavering. “I’ll be there for you, Reggie. Just remember how important this whole thing is to me and use this only when it’s necessary.”

“Thank you for your honesty,” Regulus replied sincerely. “And I promise to respect your boundary.”

James smiled warmly. “That’s all I ask, Reggie. And I promise to communicate if anything new comes to my mind. We’re in this together, okay?”

Regulus returned the smile, feeling a sense of comfort wash over him. “Okay,” he affirmed. “I promise too. We’re in this together.”

Chapter Text

Regulus woke up in the middle of the night. Why was it getting bad again, it shouldn’t work like that. He had James now, why was he still feeling so depressed, so tired, so bad, so… needing to hurt himself.

Taking deep breaths, he tried to quell the rising panic. It's okay, he told himself, as long as he didn't act on those thoughts.
But the mere presence of such thoughts was enough to make him feel defeated.
Thankfully, he had classes that day, a distraction from the turmoil raging inside him. The prospect of diving into his studies provided a semblance of relief, a brief respite from the incessant noise in his mind.

As he navigated through the day's schedule, Regulus found solace in the structure of his classes, the rhythm of lectures and discussions providing a temporary reprieve. However, even amidst the busyness of academia, he couldn't shake the nagging discomfort gnawing at him.

He knew James was likely at the university as well, but the thought of spending time with him during breaks only intensified his unease. It wasn't that he didn't want to be seen together in public - far from it. But on this particular day, Regulus felt so disconnected from himself that he didn't want James to witness his internal struggle, to see him unraveling beneath the facade of normalcy.

Regulus’s nerves were on edge, heightened by the jittery effects of the copious amounts of coffee he had consumed. He knew he shouldn’t have indulged, but the restless night had left him desperate for the caffeine boost.

As he sat in the lecture hall, his stomach grumbled with hunger, a stark reminder of his neglected morning meal. He longed for something warm and comforting to soothe his frazzled nerves, but the tight schedule between seminars left little time for indulgence.

The thought of grabbing a sandwich from the campus cafeteria crossed his mind, but as he envisioned the bland structure of the bread and the lukewarm fillings, a wave of nausea washed over him. The mere idea of biting into a cold, uninspiring sandwich made with tomatoes—whose texture he detested—was enough to turn his stomach.

Regulus sighed, resigned to the fact that he would have to endure the discomfort until he could find a suitable meal later in the day. In the meantime, he focused on the lecture, hoping to distract himself from the gnawing hunger and queasy feeling in his stomach.

As the next class, “The Art of Self-Presentation and Public Speaking,” commenced, Regulus couldn’t help but feel a tinge of apprehension. Public speaking wasn’t exactly his forte, and the thought of presenting himself in front of the class made him uneasy.

To his surprise, the class began smoothly, with the professor delving into the importance of first impressions. Regulus found himself drawn into the discussion, contemplating the significance of those initial moments when meeting someone new. It prompted him to ponder what James’s first impression of him had been—a question he resolved to ask his boyfriend later.

Regulus racked his brain, trying to recall his first impression of James. It felt strange to reminisce about a time when James’s mere presence didn’t elicit such a visceral reaction from him—when his heart wouldn’t race at the sight of him, and his cheeks wouldn’t flush with warmth.

As he sifted through his memories, Regulus tried to pinpoint the exact moment he first laid eyes on James. He closed his eyes, trying to visualize that initial meeting, but the details seemed to elude him.

And then it hit him. Regulus’s mind wandered back to that fateful day when Sirius had eagerly invited him to see his flat—a seemingly innocent gesture that had led to an unexpected encounter with James. He couldn’t help but smile as he recalled James’s earnest attempts to befriend him, while Regulus had remained aloof and unresponsive, his eyes rolling at his enthusiasm.

At the time, Regulus hadn’t fully appreciated the significance of that encounter, nor had he anticipated the pivotal role James would come to play in his life. But in hindsight, the memory held a certain charm, tinged with irony, as he reflected on how their relationship had evolved from that initial meeting.

Despite the initial awkwardness and indifference, fate had a way of weaving their paths together, leading them down a journey of unexpected twists and turns. And as Regulus reminisced about that momentous encounter, he couldn’t help but marvel at the serendipity that had brought them together and the profound bond that had blossomed between them since.

Regulus sat attentively in the classroom, his mind still buzzing with thoughts of James and their evolving relationship. But as the professor began the next segment of the class, his attention was drawn to the videos she presented.

The first video showcased politicians delivering speeches at a political rally, prompting the students to discuss the effectiveness of their communication practices. As they analyzed the techniques employed by politicians and public figures in their speeches, Regulus couldn't help but marvel at the power of rhetoric and the art of persuasion.

As the class progressed, the focus shifted to a speech by the Queen, highlighting the importance of eloquence and diplomacy in addressing the public. Regulus listened intently, noting the regal demeanor and persuasive rhetoric employed by Her Majesty.

However, his sense of ease was abruptly shattered when the professor introduced the final video—a TEDx talk centered around the intriguing question, "Is there a mathematical formula for sadness?" At first, Regulus was intrigued by the premise of the speech, his curiosity piqued by the unconventional topic.

As the woman in the video delved into her personal struggles with mental illness and self-harm, Regulus's initial interest quickly turned to unease. A wave of discomfort washed over him, catching him off guard with its intensity. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, his muscles tensing as he struggled to maintain his composure.

It wasn't that the speech was poorly delivered or lacking in substance—in fact, Regulus recognized the importance of raising awareness about mental health issues and destigmatizing discussions surrounding self-harm. Yet, despite his rational understanding, he found himself inexplicably triggered by the raw honesty and vulnerability displayed by the speaker.

His heart began to race, his breath coming in short, shallow gasps as he grappled with a surge of conflicting emotions. Guilt gnawed at him as he questioned the validity of his own reaction—why was he reacting this way? Shouldn't he be able to listen to such topics without feeling overwhelmed?

But try as he might to suppress it, the visceral response persisted, refusing to be silenced by his rational mind. Regulus felt an overwhelming urge to flee the classroom, to escape the suffocating weight of his own emotions.

Regulus’s fists clenched involuntarily, his knuckles turning white as the words scars, blade and cut pierced through the air like daggers. Each mention of these triggering terms felt like a physical blow, eliciting a visceral reaction that he struggled to contain.

His heart pounded furiously in his chest, its relentless rhythm matching the tumultuous cadence of his thoughts. He could feel the room closing in around him, the walls pressing in closer with each passing second. It was as if the weight of his own emotions had materialized into a suffocating cloak, enveloping him in its suffocating embrace.

Regulus cast a desperate glance around the classroom, seeking an escape route from the torment of his own mind. But everywhere he looked, he found only the indifferent gaze of his classmates and the unwavering scrutiny of the professor.

“Is everything alright?”

Regulus felt a whisper brush against his ear, a soft inquiry from the girl seated beside him. His throat constricted, rendering him speechless. He couldn’t bring himself to meet her gaze, his eyes fixed on some distant point beyond the confines of the classroom. He silently pleaded with her to let the matter rest, to spare him the burden of explaining the turmoil raging within.

To his relief, the girl seemed to sense his distress and refrained from pressing further. As the video came to an end and the professor began discussing the homework assignment, Regulus found himself unable to focus. The words washed over him in a meaningless blur, drowned out by the cacophony of his own thoughts.

When the class finally drew to a close, Regulus wasted no time in fleeing the room, his footsteps quickening as he sought refuge trying to get to the nearest loo.

Regulus's heart lurched as he collided with Mary. “Hi Regulus, how are you?” her gentle voice slicing through the haze of his thoughts. He felt as though speaking would shatter the fragile semblance of control he clung to, his mind consumed by a single directive.

Escape.

Summoning what little strength remained within him, Regulus managed to muster a weak smile and offered a thumbs-up in response to Mary’s inquiry. Without waiting for her reply, he turned on his heel and hurried away, desperate to escape before the façade he had painstakingly constructed began to crumble.

Run. Hide.

Regulus entered the bathroom, his footsteps echoing softly against the tiled floor as he made his way to the nearest stall. With trembling hands, he closed the door behind him and slid the lock into place with a click.

Seated on the closed lid of the toilet, he closed his eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath, willing himself to calm the tumult raging within him. "You're okay," he whispered to himself, the words a mantra against the rising tide of panic. "Nothing happened. Your reaction is irrational."

But even as he repeated the reassurances, Regulus couldn't shake the lingering unease that clung to him like a suffocating shroud. The echoes of the woman's words reverberated in his mind, a haunting reminder of the battle he fought in silence.

Regulus glanced at his phone, his heart sinking at the sight of the ticking minutes. He had five minutes until the next lecture—an agonizingly short amount of time to gather his frayed nerves and steel himself for the onslaught of academia.

The thought of skipping crossed his mind, a tempting escape from the relentless demands of the day. But Regulus couldn’t shake the nagging guilt that gnawed at him—an unspoken obligation to honor the sacrifices he made for his education.

With a resigned sigh, he pushed himself to his feet and exited the stall, his movements slow and deliberate as he washed his hands and splashed cool water on his face.

Regulus leaned against the bathroom sink, his mind racing with conflicting thoughts. Skipping the lecture felt like surrendering to his anxiety, admitting defeat in the face of his own vulnerability. But perhaps the library offered a compromise—a refuge where he could still fulfill his academic duties while sparing himself the scrutiny of the classroom.

He tried to convince himself that attending the library instead wouldn't be as bad. After all, it was a familiar environment, one where he could immerse himself in his studies without the pressure of participation. Yet, even as he rationalized his decision, a lingering sense of guilt gnawed at him—a persistent voice whispering accusations of weakness and inadequacy.

Regulus shook his head, as if to dispel the intrusive thoughts that threatened to overwhelm him. With a determined exhale, he straightened his posture exited the bathroom to go to the library.

Regulus navigated through the crowded hallway, his eyes fixed on the floor as he attempted to blend into the background. He longed to disappear into the sea of students, to escape the prying gazes and whispered murmurs that seemed to follow him.

But just as he reached the entrance to the library, a familiar figure caught his eye, halting him in his tracks. James stood at the end of the hallway, his gaze locked on Regulus.

His heart quickened at the sight of James, his stomach twisting with a mixture of apprehension and longing. He couldn't quite decipher the tumult of emotions coursing through him, a whirlwind of conflicting impulses that left him feeling disoriented and unmoored, like James was something else, something new, that his brain didn’t know how to categorise.

So he stood rooted to the spot, his feet glued to the ground as he grappled with the sudden surge of sensory input.

“Hi love.”

Regulus felt a surge of panic as James approached him with open arms, his heart pounding in his chest as a wave of discomfort washed over him. The mere thought of physical contact sent a jolt of anxiety coursing through his veins, triggering a primal instinct to retreat.

His breaths came in shallow gasps as he struggled to form words, his mind overrun by of conflicting thoughts and emotions. He wanted to tell James to stop, to explain the overwhelming sense of unease that gripped him, but his voice failed him, trapped beneath a suffocating weight of stress.

He took a cautious step backward, his gaze darting nervously around the hallway. He could feel the weight of James’s gaze upon him, his presence looming large and overwhelming in the confined space.

Regulus could sense the hurt reflected in James's eyes, a pang of guilt twisting in his chest at the sight of the pain he had inadvertently caused. He wanted desperately to explain, to offer some semblance of reassurance, but the words eluded him, trapped beneath a heavy shroud of anxiety.

“No touch?” James asked and with a heavy heart, Regulus shook his head.

And then James's expression softened, a flicker of understanding crossing his features as he processed Regulus's silent response. There was a brief moment of hesitation, as if James was grappling with his own emotions, before he spoke again.

“Did something happen?” his voice was laced with concern, eyes searching Regulus's face for any sign of explanation.

Regulus met James's gaze head-on, his eyes pleading for understanding even as his lips remained sealed shut. He wished he could speak, but the words remained stubbornly out of reach.

“Oh,” James's response was tinged with a mixture of empathy and sadness, his expression shifting as he grappled with the weight of Regulus's silence. “No talking?”

Once again, Regulus shook his head, his heart heavy with the weight of unspoken words. In that moment, he wished more than anything that he could find the strength to articulate the turmoil raging within him, to bridge the gap between them with the power of his voice. But for now, all he could do was stand in silence, his gaze locked with James's, hoping that his eyes conveyed the depth of his emotions more eloquently than words ever could.

“Do you maybe want to go outside to breathe some air or should I leave?” James asked with a gentle and patient tone.

Regulus felt a surge of gratitude wash over him at James’s considerate offer, a lifeline extended in a moment of desperate need.

“Oh sorry, one question at a time,” James amended. “Do you want to go outside with me?”

As James corrected himself, Regulus almost felt a faint flicker of amusement tug at the corners of his lips. Even in the midst of his own distress, James’s endearing earnestness never failed him.

With a slow, hesitant nod, Regulus silently acquiesced to James’s suggestion. Without a word, he turned on his heel and began to descend the staircase, each step a deliberate effort to distance himself from the suffocating atmosphere of the hallway.

Regulus’s pace quickened with each stride, his heart pounding in his chest as he focused all his energy on the rhythmic cadence of his footsteps. He didn’t dare to glance back to see if James was following, but he knew he was right behind him.

As soon as they stepped outside and the crisp, cold air brushed against Regulus's face, he felt a slight sense of relief wash over him. He settled onto a nearby bench, and after a moment, he saw James follow suit, taking a seat beside him.

For a while, they sat in silence, the only sound the gentle rustle of leaves in the breeze. Regulus closed his eyes, allowing himself to sink into the tranquility of the moment. With each breath, he sought to quiet the tumultuous storm raging within him, focusing on relaxing his body, limb by limb.

The coolness of the air provided a soothing contrast to the fevered turmoil of his mind, offering a momentary respite from the suffocating weight of his thoughts.

When he opened his eyes and Regulus observed James’s hesitant posture, his arm cradled awkwardly against his chest as if it was a separate entity altogether.

Regulus tilted his head and looked curiously at his boyfriend like he was trying to ask about his peculiar behaviour.

“Oh, I-I…” James faltered, his words stumbling over the edges of his uncertainty. “I see you’re struggling with something, and I really want to comfort you, but you don’t want to be touched, so I guess I’m holding myself,” he confessed, his voice tinged with a hint of bashfulness.

Regulus’s heart swelled with warmth at James’s genuine display of empathy and understanding.

He pondered the possibility that maybe if he was the one touching, then the sensory overload wouldn’t bother him. With a tentative resolve, he reached out to James, his hands trembling slightly with uncertainty.

James released his own arm, allowing Regulus to envelop it in a gentle embrace. Regulus curled himself into a protective cocoon, drawing his knees up to his chest and cradling James’s arm against his body with a tender grip.

He closed his eyes, allowing himself to sink into that odd moment, the weight of his anxieties slowly lifting by the simple act of connection.

Mine. Jamie. Love.

Regulus wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but it definitely was a while. As he observed James’s subtle fidgeting, a pang of concern tugged at his heart. Perhaps his own need for comfort had unwittingly caused discomfort for James.

With a gentle squeeze, Regulus released his grasp on James’s arm, offering silent reassurance before letting go. He met James’s gaze, detecting a hint of unease in his eyes—a silent plea for understanding.

“Baby…” James’s voice was soft, tentative. “Can I ask you a few questions? Just nod or shake your head.”

Regulus nodded, his gaze fixed on James's face, ready to respond to whatever questions he might pose. He felt a sense of trepidation flutter in his chest, uncertain of what James might ask, but trusting in his intentions nonetheless.

“Do you have any more classes today?” James inquired, displaying his phone for Regulus to see the time.

Regulus raised one finger in response.

“Do you want to go there?” James posed another question, to which Regulus nodded. It was a lecture where participation wasn't required, so he should manage if he simply sat at the back.

“Okay... and are you okay going back home when you’re… nonverbal?” James asked with a touch of uncertainty.

Regulus hesitated for a moment, then nodded.

“Good, okay, I believe you,” James responded quietly.

They sat together on the bench a little while longer, basking in the quiet comfort of each other’s presence.

Eventually, James broke the silence. “Would you like to head to your next class now?”

Regulus nodded in agreement, a sense of determination flickering in his eyes.

James stood up, offering Regulus a reassuring smile. “Alright, let’s go together. I’ll be right by your side.”

As they made their way to Regulus's lecture hall, James maintained a comforting presence beside him. The walk was a quiet one, the soft murmur of their footsteps punctuating the stillness of the corridor.

As they approached the lecture hall, James turned to Regulus with a gentle smile. “Are you feeling a bit better?”

Regulus offered a small nod.

Before he walked into the lecture hall, James paused, his gaze fixed on Regulus with a hint of concern. “Do you want me to drive you home later?”

Regulus hesitated for a moment, weighing his options. The thought of navigating the journey home alone in his current state was daunting, but he didn't want to burden James with unnecessary obligations.

After a moment of contemplation, he met James's gaze with a grateful expression.

James's face lit up with a warm smile. “I'll be here waiting for you.”

With a sense of relief washing over him, Regulus entered the lecture hall, his steps a bit lighter.

☆

For the next few days James was texting him a lot. Normally, such attention would have annoyed him. But with James, it was different. It was James. With James, the rules seemed to bend, the boundaries blur, as though their relationship existed in a realm all its own.

Regulus knew he needed to talk to James and explain everything, so he texted him, arranging to visit in the afternoon. To cover his tracks, he also informed his mother that he might stay the night “at Evan’s.”

When he arrived at James’s flat, Regulus hesitated before knocking on the door, feeling a mix of apprehension and determination swirling within him. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for the conversation ahead, and rapped his knuckles against the door.

The door swung open, revealing Sirius standing on the other side. His brother’s curious gaze met Regulus’s, and for a moment, Regulus felt a pang of unease.

“Hey Reg, do you need something?” Sirius inquired, his tone laced with curiosity.

Regulus’s mind reeled with the realization that he had completely forgotten about Sirius living with James. The awkwardness of the situation weighed heavily on him as he struggled to maintain his composure.

“Hello, I-I’m here to see James, is that okay?” Regulus managed to stammer out, his nerves betraying him in the presence of his brother.

“Sure, why wouldn’t it be?” Sirius replied with a casual shrug, seemingly unfazed by Regulus’s unexpected visit. He stepped aside, allowing Regulus to enter the flat.

As they reached the sitting area, Regulus caught sight of James on the couch, engrossed in his phone. He hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. But then James looked up, his eyes lighting up with warmth at the sight of Regulus.

“Hi Reggie.”

Regulus felt a wave of relief wash over him at the sound of James's familiar voice. His heart fluttered at the sight of James's smile, a fleeting moment of comfort amidst the tension that lingered in the air.

"Hi, James," Regulus replied softly, his gaze momentarily flickering towards the spot beside James on the couch—a silent invitation that went unspoken.

But with Sirius still present in the room, Regulus hesitated, unable to act on his impulse to seek solace in James's embrace. Instead, he settled for sitting on the opposite end of the couch, maintaining a cautious distance between them.

The atmosphere was palpably awkward as the three of them sat in silence, each grappling with their own thoughts and emotions. Regulus cast a furtive glance at Sirius, acutely aware of the elephant in the room—the conversation that needed to happen but remained unspoken.

Then, breaking the uneasy silence, Sirius spoke up, his tone tentative as he addressed Regulus. "Do you want me to go... or something?" he asked, his words tinged with a hint of uncertainty.

Regulus hesitated, unsure of how to respond. On one hand, he appreciated Sirius’s offer to give them privacy, but on the other, he didn’t want to make things more awkward by asking him to leave.

Before Regulus could formulate a reply, James interjected, his voice gentle yet firm. “Give us just a moment, please.”

Sirius nodded quietly, retreating to his room. As the door clicked shut behind him, Regulus felt a surge of gratitude towards James for taking charge of the situation.

With Sirius out of earshot, James turned to Regulus, his eyes pleading for permission to proceed. Regulus could see the earnestness in James’s gaze, the desire to share their truth with someone they both cared about deeply.

“Can we tell him, please?” James implored, his voice barely above a whisper. “I know you wanted to talk with me about something else, and I promise we will, today. But…”

Regulus interrupted him, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Jamie, it’s okay. We can tell him right now.”

The relief that washed over James’s face was palpable, his eyes lighting up with a mixture of gratitude and excitement. Regulus couldn’t help but be swept up in the moment, his heart swelling with affection for the man sitting beside him.

“Really?” James’s voice was filled with a mixture of disbelief and joy.

Regulus nodded, a playful glint in his eye. “Really. Just give me a kiss first,” he teased, leaning in towards James with a mischievous grin.

Regulus and James shared a brief but tender kiss, a silent exchange of reassurance and solidarity.

With newfound resolve, they turned their attention to the matter at hand. Regulus took a deep breath, steeling himself for the conversation that lay ahead. It was time to confront the truth, to lay bare the complexities of their relationship to Sirius.

As they entered Sirius's room, Regulus could feel the weight of anticipation hanging in the air. Sirius looked up, curiosity flickering in his eyes as he awaited their explanation.

"Sirius," James began, his voice steady yet tinged with nervousness, "there's something important we need to tell you."

Regulus swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry as he struggled to find the right words. "We're together," he blurted out, the admission hanging in the air like a palpable tension.

Sirius's eyes widened, his mouth opening and closing as he processed the information. For a moment, the room was filled with an awkward silence, broken only by the sound of their collective breaths.

"I had a feeling," Sirius said slowly. "But I'm happy for you both."

Regulus studied his brother’s expression, searching for any hint of insincerity beneath the surface. It was difficult to decipher Sirius’s emotions, so Regulus chose to trust his words.

“Can I have a hug?” Sirius’s request was tentative, his vulnerability peeking through the facade of composure. Without hesitation, James moved closer and enveloped Sirius in a comforting embrace.

Regulus watched the exchange with a mixture of relief and apprehension. He reached out and gently clasped Sirius’s extended hand, offering a silent gesture of solidarity. Regulus watched as James whispered something softly in Sirius's ear and his brother nodded. He kinda wanted to know what James said, but felt it was something between the two of them.

Together, they sat in silence, the weight of the moment hanging heavily in the air.

After a while, Sirius spoke up, his voice tinged with a hint of uncertainty. “I think I’ll meet with Moony right now.”

Regulus couldn’t shake the feeling of unease that settled in the pit of his stomach at Sirius’s words. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked.

Sirius offered him a reassuring smile, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yeah, kid. Just a lot to process. But don’t worry your head with it. We’ll catch up soon, right?”

Regulus nodded, though the knot of worry in his chest remained. “Right,” he replied softly, his gaze lingering on Sirius’s retreating figure as he made his way out the door.

“Is he mad?” Regulus voiced his concern when Sirius left.

“I don’t think so, just maybe scared of being left out,” James replied softly, his gaze gentle and reassuring.

“I didn’t mean to make him feel left out,” Regulus murmured, his voice heavy with regret.

“I know, baby,” James said soothingly, reaching out to gently squeeze his hand. “But sometimes, change can be intimidating, especially when it involves someone you care about deeply.”

Regulus nodded, “I just want him to know that nothing will change between us,” he said earnestly.

“I’ll make sure he knows that,” James promised, his eyes warm with affection. “But remember, you’re his brother, and he loves you unconditionally. He just needs some time to adjust.”

Regulus offered a small smile in response.

“So you wanted to talk with me. How and where do you want to sit, so you are comfortable?” James’s touch was gentle as he stroked Regulus’s cheek.

Regulus considered for a moment. “Couch, I guess,” he replied with a shrug. “And can I be the one holding you again?”

“Sure, love,” James responded, leaning in to kiss Regulus’s cheek.

As they nestled back on the couch, Regulus wrapped his arms around James, drawing him close. James leaned into the embrace, his head resting against Regulus’s chest.

"You can start whenever you're ready," James said softly, his eyes filled with warmth and understanding.

Regulus hesitated, his fingers fidgeting nervously in his lap. "I-I've been struggling," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "With... my problem."

"Your problem?" James echoed, his brow furrowing slightly in confusion.

"My-my not being nice to myself problem," Regulus tried to explain, his words stumbling over each other. He hated using the right terms. They felt clinical and detached, far removed from the raw emotions churning inside him.

James remained silent, his gaze unwavering as he waited for Regulus to continue.

Regulus hesitated, his thoughts swirling as he struggled to find the right words. “It’s just hard saying it out loud,” he admitted.

James nodded understandingly. “Would you like me to say it?” he asked gently.

Regulus hesitated for a moment before nodding silently, unable to articulate the words himself.

“You’ve been struggling with the urge to cut yourself,” James stated softly, his words carrying a weight that hung heavy in the air.

Regulus felt a shiver run down his spine at the stark reality of the statement. “Yes,” he replied quietly, his voice barely audible. “And at uni, something triggered me.”

With a deep breath, Regulus recounted the experience of watching the video during the seminar.

“And why do you think it made you feel this way?” James asked gently, his eyes fixed on Regulus with unwavering attention.

Regulus let out an exasperated sigh. “Ugh,” he groaned, running a hand through his hair. “I just said I have no idea. It just did.”

James nodded. “And how did you feel exactly?” he pressed, his tone gentle yet insistent.

“I just told you,” Regulus replied, his annoyance evident in his voice as he rolled his eyes.

“No,” James countered softly, moving even closer in Regulus’s embrace. “You told me what it made you want to do, escape, shut yourself down. Not what emotions you felt.”

Regulus paused, his frustration giving way to a sense of vulnerability as he processed James’s words. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, searching for the right words to convey the storm of emotions swirling within him.

“It’s just hard to put into words,” he began, his voice hesitant. “I guess… it made me feel violated, like someone had reached into the deepest parts of me and exposed them for everyone to see.”

As he spoke, Regulus could feel the weight of his emotions pressing down on him, the memories of the seminar replaying in his mind with painful clarity.

James listened attentively, his expression reflective. “It sounds like it triggered a sense of vulnerability and intrusion,” he said, his voice soft yet reassuring.

Regulus nodded slowly, grateful for James’s patience and understanding. “Yeah, exactly,” he murmured, a sense of relief washing over him as he found the words to articulate his feelings. “I think it would be better if I’ve heard someone saying it’s awful and ugly to do it. Not this empathetic thing.”

James chuckled softly, his eyes full of understanding. “Love, don’t you see it?”

Regulus frowned, unsure of what James was getting at. “See what?”

“That’s the thing you’re scared about,” James explained patiently. “To be seen as human and to understand that it’s okay to feel human emotions. Of course you would rather someone insult you; you know how to deal with that. But when you hear things that make you seen and understood, you get uncomfortable.”

Regulus’s eyes widened in realization, the truth of James’s words sinking in. He had always struggled with vulnerability, preferring the safety of detachment and indifference. But now, as James spoke, he began to understand that perhaps embracing his humanity—flaws and all—was the key to healing and acceptance.

Regulus groaned and hid his face in the crook of James’s neck. “I still hate it,” he admitted, his voice muffled by James’s skin.

“Baby, that’s okay. It’s not something you can fix in a moment. But it’s good that you understand it,” James replied warmly, his arms wrapping around Regulus in a comforting embrace. “And as for the problem with self harm itself, I definitely think you need to tell this to your therapist, because I’m no professional. But remember that you have me. You can always call or text or just come here. You don’t even need to give a broad explanation. Just, for example, tell me that you need me to sit with you for a while. I will do it with pleasure.”

“And you don’t think I’m a freak?” Regulus asked shyly.

“I think you’re human,” James replied gently.

“Ugh, that’s worse,” Regulus whined.

“Can I hug you?”

“Yes,” Regulus answered, and as soon as he did, James pulled him into a warm embrace.

“You are my emotional, human being, and you deserve love and affection just because you are here,” James murmured.

“Bleh. Disgusting,” Regulus complained, though his heart swelled a bit with warmth at James’s words.

Chapter Text

Regulus slumped back into the overstuffed armchair in his therapist's office, his frustration palpable in the air around him.

“They want to go on a family trip. This whole family hates each other, and now they want to go on a vacation together? What the actual fuck,” he exclaimed, his voice laced with annoyance. “Sorry for swearing.”

“That’s okay,” his therapist responded calmly. “You can express what you are feeling. Whose idea was it?”

Regulus let out a heavy sigh. “Mother’s brother, uncle Cygnus,” he explained. “And because he thinks he’s always right, he didn’t fucking ask anybody. He just booked everything and called it a day. We need to comply.”

“How did your other family members react?”

“Well, my cousin Andromeda has a kid. She’s a year and a half, and she told uncle that she thought they should go on some other trip before such a big thing, because Nymphadora has never been on any vacation. But uncle got furious and screamed at her, and now I think they will go,” Regulus recounted, his frustration evident in his tone. “Bellatrix, being the golden fucking child, will probably go. I don’t know, but she will do everything her parents tell her. Narcissa agreed in a second, but I bet three days before, she’ll just call and say Lucius is sick or some shite and they can’t go. But she’ll be off the hook because she agreed,” he finished with a roll of his eyes.

Regulus paused, taking a deep breath to steady himself. “It’s just... infuriating,” he continued, his voice tinged with resignation. “They can’t even stand to be in the same room together without tearing each other apart, and now they want to spend a week in close quarters on some godforsaken winter family vacation? It’s a disaster waiting to happen.”

“And how do you feel about spending time there?”

Regulus sighed heavily, his frustration palpable. “Of course I don’t want to go there! But it’s not that simple. Uncle called Mother to ask about her and me, and she told him she doesn’t know my schedule. That I might have university, or I might not have off days at work to use. But uncle said I should take unpaid leave at work, and he will pay me for the time I’ve missed. He thinks he can buy me.”

The therapist listened intently, her brow furrowing in concern as she took in Regulus’s words. “That sounds awful,” she remarked softly, her voice laced with empathy. “You must have felt devalued, as if your job and studies are not important.”

Regulus nodded vigorously, “Exactly! It’s like they don’t even consider what’s important to me. All they care about is their own agenda, their own desires. It’s infuriating! And they don’t even ask me, they talk with Mother like I’m still a child!”

The therapist offered a sympathetic smile, her gaze unwavering as she continued to offer her support. “I can understand why you’re feeling this way,” she said gently. “It’s important to acknowledge and validate your own needs and priorities, even if others don’t always recognize them.”

“But I can’t do that,” he sighed heavily. “I mean… I can say I don’t want to go, but then they will ask questions. And I don’t think I want to have this conversation with my family.” Regulus's voice cracked with emotion.

The therapist nodded understandingly, her expression sympathetic. “And how-“

Regulus's frustration boiled over, cutting off the therapist's attempt to speak. “And the worst thing is my conversation with Mother after that,” he continued, his voice trembling with emotion. “I told her that I don’t want to go, and she said she has no arguments to give and asked if she should just tell the truth. I was a bit confused and asked what the truth was and… and-“ Regulus paused, his breath catching in his throat. 

“And she fucking said, and I quote, ‘That you are mentally ill and you will feel overwhelmed there.’ How can a mother say something like that?! And that’s not even the truth!”

His therapist's expression softened, her eyes reflecting his pain. “I’m sorry you had to hear that, Regulus. It must have been incredibly hurtful to hear your own mother dismiss your feelings like that.”

Regulus nodded, his frustration evident in his clenched fists. “I just can’t believe she would use my struggles against me like that. It’s like she doesn’t even care about how her words affect me.”

“It’s understandable that you feel betrayed and hurt. It’s important to remember that you are not defined by your struggles, and you deserve to be treated with compassion and understanding.”

Regulus took a deep breath, trying to calm the storm of emotions raging inside him. “I know,” he murmured, “but it’s hard not to let her words get to me.”

“You’re allowed to feel hurt by her words,” the therapist reassured him. “But remember, you have the strength to rise above them and define your own worth.”

“I-I told her that that was not the truth,” he confessed, his gaze fixed on his shoes. “I told her that the truth is that I don’t have any good memories with these people. Cygnus was critical towards me since I was a child. He was telling Mother that I’m fat and she’s raising me badly. He said that about a six-year-old. And Mother, of course, was telling me every hurtful word he said. Then the topic was changed to how I dress, then how I speak, then that I got a fucking tattoo on my eighteenth that nobody else can see but apparently that’s ‘disgusting’. I told Mother the last time I recalled, living a life should be about doing things I like, and that isn’t the thing I would enjoy.”

“And how did your mother react?”

Regulus let out a weary sigh. “She told me I should ‘face my demons’ and stop acting like a baby because sometimes in life I need to do things I don’t like,” he recounted, his tone heavy with resignation. “I told her that I ‘face my demons’ every Christmas and Easter because that’s a situation I can’t avoid, but here is a situation that I can easily not be in. But I don’t know if she understood.”

“It sounds like you’re feeling conflicted about the expectations placed upon you,” she observed.

Regulus shrugged,“Yeah, you could say that.”

“Are there any positive aspects of this vacation?” the therapist inquired.

Regulus paused, considering the question carefully. “Well, avoiding any questions is a solid reason,” he admitted with a wry smile. “And also, I like Andy. She’s quirky and answers questions with questions, which annoys everyone, but I don’t care. And I like her daughter. I hate children, but I like her,” he confessed, a genuine warmth infusing his words as he spoke of his cousin and her child.

As their session neared its conclusion, the therapist leaned forward slightly. “For your homework, I’d like you to consider any potential benefits of going on this vacation, alright?”

Regulus let out a dry snort. “Sorry, I just thought of something rather absurd.”

The therapist raised an eyebrow inquisitively. “What crossed your mind?”

Regulus hesitated, “That if I go, it might increase my chances of inheriting something.”

The therapist chuckled softly. “Well, that’s certainly an unconventional angle to consider. Money does hold its sway. Do you have any questions for me before we end?”

Regulus shook his head. “No, I don’t think so.”

He stepped out of his therapist's office, the weight of indecision heavy on his shoulders. He understood that it wasn’t her role to dictate his choices; rather, she was there to guide him towards self-awareness and empower him to make informed decisions. Yet, despite her guidance, he still felt adrift in the midst of his dilemma.

Not attending the family vacation presented an easy out, but it would come at the cost of forever being the outlier, the odd one out in family gatherings, perpetually scrutinized for his absence.

In that moment, he found himself yearning for the presence of Sirius within the family fold. If Sirius were part of the vacation plans, perhaps it wouldn’t seem so daunting. With Sirius by his side, they would likely retreat to a corner together, exchanging silent observations and shared eye rolls at the family dynamics. And if anyone dared to cast aspersions on Regulus, he could count on Sirius to offer quiet reassurance, a steadfast ally amid familial discord.

Regulus halted in his tracks, a wave of conflicting emotions crashing over him. Was it selfish to entertain such thoughts? He couldn’t bear the idea of subjecting Sirius to the toxicity of their family dynamics once again, not even for a fleeting moment. Yet, despite his rational understanding, the longing for his brother’s companionship persisted.

It wasn’t about wishing harm upon Sirius; it was about seeking solace in the familiarity of his presence, in the unspoken understanding that they shared. Regulus craved the reassurance of having someone who truly comprehended the intricacies of their family dynamic, someone who could provide silent support amidst the chaos.

Maybe it was simply a need for connection, for solidarity in the face of adversity. But Regulus still felt unsettled with his own feelings. Despite understanding the underlying motivations behind his yearning for connection, he couldn’t shake off the discomfort that accompanied it.

Perhaps it was the realization that, even in his deepest desires, there existed a conflict between what he craved and what he knew to be right.

Regulus was about to keep on walking, but the unexpected call caught him off guard. 

"Hi, Evan. Did something happen?" Regulus's voice betrayed a trace of uncertainty as he picked up the call, mentally preparing himself for whatever news his friend might have.

"No, nothing happened," Evan reassured him quickly, his voice carrying a casual tone. "I just wanted to call you. Do you have a minute?"

Regulus couldn't help but feel a flicker of concern at Evan's sudden call, wondering what prompted it. "Sure, I just finished therapy," he replied, attempting to sound nonchalant despite the lingering unease gnawing at him.

"And how are you feeling?" Evan's warm tone was a welcome relief.

Regulus paused, grappling with the question. "I-I think it was okay. I feel normal," he finally managed to respond, though the words felt inadequate to capture the whirlwind of emotions swirling within him.

"That's good," Evan replied cheerfully. "Do you want to meet up tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I think that would be nice," Regulus replied, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. "Do you have anything particular in mind?"

“Not really, just catching up maybe. How about we meet at that café near the park around noon?” Evan suggested.

“Sounds perfect. See you then,” Regulus confirmed, feeling a sense of anticipation building within him.

As he ended the call, Regulus couldn’t help but feel a glimmer of gratitude for Evan's spontaneous outreach. Perhaps spending time with a friend was just what he needed to chase away the lingering shadows of uncertainty.

☆

"Someone's happy to see me," Evan remarked with a warm smile, his eyes twinkling with amusement as he took a seat across from Regulus at the café.

"Everything's shitty, so I'll settle for you." Regulus rolled his eyes.

Evan laughed, his grin widening at Regulus's blunt honesty. "Charming as always, I'm sure Potter fell for you because you're so positive," he teased.

"Tosser," Regulus retorted.

"Wanker.”

"I've missed your stupid face," he admitted, his gaze softening as he met Evan's eyes.

"So, what's up with you? Why is everything shitty? I thought you were in your honeymoon phase with Potter," Evan smirked, leaning back in his chair with a playful glint in his eyes.

Regulus rolled his eyes but couldn't suppress a small smile. "It's not a honeymoon phase, Evan. We're just... figuring things out. And what’s shitty is my family.”

"Ah, young love," Evan chuckled. "So, what's the latest episode of the Black Family drama?"

Regulus let out a resigned sigh. "Honestly, I don’t even know where to begin with."

"Your family always keeps things interesting," Evan remarked with a grin. "But hey, at least it's not boring, right?"

Regulus shrugged. "Sometimes I wish it were."

"Well, you've always got me for a bit of distraction," Evan offered with a wink. "Now, spill the tea. What's the latest plot twist in the Black Family saga? I still don’t understand the drama with Cissa’s wedding.”

Regulus shook his head, a hint of frustration creeping into his voice. “Honestly, I don’t think anyone does. It was like a convoluted soap opera no one asked to be a part of. For what I remember, Cygnus and Druella didn’t approve of Lucius from the start, but Cissa was adamant about marrying him. Then, out of nowhere, she decides she wants to cut ties with her parents, causing even more tension. Druella tried to make peace, but she was as always playing the victim so that just made Lucius resent us even more. Next thing we know, we're not even invited to the wedding. And it only got worse from there. A week before the wedding, Cissa and Lucius had a massive fight. She ended up throwing her engagement ring at him and storming off to her parents' house in tears. Suddenly, though, everyone's making up? It makes no sense."

Evan leaned back, processing the information. "Your family is so fucked up."

Regulus chuckled bitterly. "You have no idea."

“But what’s going on now?”

As Regulus recounted the details of the proposed family trip, he couldn't help but feel a strange sense of detachment settling in. The more he talked about it, the more it seemed like a surreal scenario unfolding before him.

"Well, that sounds like an adventure," Evan remarked, raising an eyebrow.

Regulus scoffed. "More like a disaster waiting to happen."

"But are you gonna go?" Evan asked, his curiosity piqued.

Regulus shrugged. "I don't know. Part of me wants to avoid the whole mess, but another part feels like I should just rip off the band-aid and get it over with."

Evan nodded understandingly. "It's a tough call. But hey, at least you've got a bit of time to think it over."

Regulus nodded, a faint glimmer of relief flickering in his eyes. Maybe having some time to mull it over would help him figure out what to do.

“By the way, Barty and I had an idea you might like.” Evan said with a warm smile. "Since Christmas is around the corner and we're our own little family, why not have a Christmas party or even a short trip? Like, a three-day getaway.”

A spark of excitement lit up in Regulus's eyes at the suggestion. "Count me in."

Evan's smile widened. “And hey, feel free to bring Potter along if you want.”

Regulus nodded, grateful for the invitation. "Thanks, Ev. I'll talk to James about it. But, um, do you mind if I also invite Sirius? We haven’t spent Christmas together since he left, and lately he's been... feeling a bit insecure, I think. I’m sure it would mean a lot to him if I asked him to spend it with us."

“Sirius feeling insecure? I can't picture it,” Evan chuckled. “But, I'll talk to Barty, and I'm sure we can make it work.”

“Thanks. Who else is on the list? Cas and Marls? Pandora?”

“Obviously,” Evan replied. “And Pandora's bringing Emmeline; they're practically attached at the hip since I moved out and she moved in. There's also talk of Pandora bringing this guy she's been seeing lately, but we're still on the fence about him.”

“Since when are you a protective brother?” Regulus raised his brow.

“Since now, apparently. But trust me, this guy... he's a bit odd.”

“Let's not forget, Pandora's the queen of eccentricity,” Regulus pointed out with a smile. “And that's what makes her fun.”

Evan chuckled, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, you're right. But this guy... he's a whole different level of weird. Anyway, enough about him. How's things with you and Potter?"

Regulus sighed, a small smile playing on his lips. "Honestly? Things are good. He's been really supportive. It's like he can read my mind sometimes, knowing exactly when I need a hug or some space. I still have no idea what he sees in me and why he wants to put up with me, but I’m not complaining.”

He paused, his expression softening. "It's just nice to have someone who cares, you know?"

"Hey, I care too!” Evan exclaimed. “But I get what you mean, and I'm really glad he's good to you. In any other case, I would have to beat him up."

Regulus couldn't help but laugh at Evan's threat. "Why are you laughing?!" Evan said feigning offense. "I can be scary too. Everyone thinks I’m mean when they meet me."

Regulus grinned, knowing Evan's intimidating facade was just that – a facade. “Yeah, and then they learn that you're a huge fluffy softy."

"I am not," Evan protested.

"Uh-huh, you are," Regulus insisted, the corners of his lips curling up into a teasing smile.

Their laughter filled the air, drawing curious glances from other people in the café, but this time Regulus really didn’t care, he was happy his friendship with Evan is on the upswing.

☆

"Thank you guys again for this meeting,” Lily said, smiling warmly as she wrapped up that day’s Creativa meeting. “I have one thing to say. As you know, in a few months, James and I will hopefully be graduating, and therefore, if we want to keep Creativa going, we will need a new president of the club. I’m not saying you need to decide right now or do anything, but if you have been thinking about it, it’s a good moment to start observing what extra activities and responsibilities James and I have, so you can be sure this is exactly what you want. That’s all from me. See you in two weeks at the last meeting of this year!”

As the room filled with the sound of chairs scraping the floor and the chatter of students gathering their things, Regulus was about to follow suit when he felt a warm hand wrap around his waist. His lips curled into a smile, but he quickly composed himself.

“Do you need something?” he asked, turning to find James looking at him with his big doe eyes behind slightly askew glasses.

Regulus reached up and gently corrected James’s glasses on his face. James grinned, his eyes sparkling with affection.

“Just wanted to see you before we head out,” James said, his voice soft and warm. “I was thinking we could grab a coffee or something?”

Regulus pretended to think about it for a moment, though the answer was already clear in his mind. “I suppose I could spare some time for you.”

James laughed, his hand slipping from Regulus’s waist to take his hand instead. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

They sat at the university café on the big couch, and Regulus felt his body melting toward James, who was sitting next to him. The warmth and comfort of James's presence were irresistible, and Regulus allowed himself to relax fully.

“You know I need to get up to order us something, right?” James chuckled, his voice vibrating gently against Regulus's shoulder.

“No,” Regulus said firmly. He knew it would be rude to sit in the café without buying anything, but James was like a human-sized heater, and Regulus felt as if he’d been in the freezing cold for days. He just wanted to warm himself for a moment longer.

James smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Alright, you’ve got a few more seconds,” he said, wrapping his arm around Regulus and pulling him closer. “But then we really should get something before they kick us out for loitering.”

Regulus nodded, nestling into James's side. The café buzzed with the chatter of students and the clinking of coffee cups, but for a moment, it felt like they were the only two people in the room. The warmth of James's body seeped into Regulus, melting away the day's stress and worries.

“Okay, fine,” Regulus sighed after a few more moments, reluctantly starting to pull away. “What do you want?”

James grinned, standing up and stretching. “How about I get us both some hot chocolate? It's perfect for a day like this.”

Regulus smiled, nodding. “That sounds perfect.”

As James walked to the counter to place their order, Regulus watched him with a soft smile. James Potter was definitely his hallucination, and everyone just took pity on him and played along. There was no way that man was real.

After a few minutes, Regulus watched James walking very slowly back to their spot, trying not to spill their drinks. He was slightly failing, and Regulus could see small drops of hot chocolate falling from the surface of the cups onto the ground.

“Sorry, I’ll get the napkins,” James said quietly as he placed the cups on their table.

“Don’t worry,” Regulus smiled. “Look, the girl who works here is already taking care of it,” he said, pointing at one of the baristas who was already cleaning the floor.

“Oh no no no.” James turned around and hurried over to the girl. “Ma'am, I will take care of this. It was my fault.”

The barista looked up, surprised, and then smiled. “It’s okay, really. It happens all the time. No need to worry.”

James, however, was insistent. “I really don’t mind. I should clean up my own mess.”

The barista chuckled, handing James the mop. “Alright, if you insist. But don’t worry too much about it.”

James took the mop with a determined look and began to clean up the small puddles of hot chocolate. Regulus watched, shaking his head with amusement. James was always trying to take responsibility for everything, even the smallest mishaps.

After a few moments, James returned to the table, slightly out of breath but looking pleased with himself. “All taken care of,” he announced with a grin, handing the mop back to the barista with a grateful nod.

Regulus laughed softly. “You didn’t have to do that, you know. But it’s very you to insist.”

James shrugged, sitting back down beside Regulus. “I just wanted to make sure everything was right. Besides, it gave me an excuse to show off my impressive cleaning skills.”

Regulus chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re something else.”

James wrapped his arm around Regulus again, pulling him close. “And don’t you forget it,” he said with a wink. “Also, I want to take you out.”

“We are out right now,” Regulus pointed out, furrowing his brows. “We are out all the time.”

James laughed softly, shaking his head. “Fair, but I want to take you out on a proper date, something to remember.”

“I remember all of our meetings and talks. You don’t?” Regulus asked, a bit confused.

James’s expression softened as he reached out and stroked Regulus’s cheek with his thumb. “Don’t take everything so literally, love. I just want to do something more unique, because you deserve it.”

Regulus’s confusion faded into a soft smile. “Like what?”

James’s eyes sparkled with excitement. “I’ve been thinking about a few ideas. How about we go to that new art exhibit opening downtown? It’s supposed to be amazing, and I know how much you love art. We could spend the day exploring the exhibit, maybe grab a nice dinner afterward, and just enjoy something different.”

Regulus’s eyes widened with surprise and delight. “An art exhibit sounds incredible. I’ve been wanting to see that one.”

“Exactly,” James nodded enthusiastically. “We could spend hours there, just the two of us, taking in all the creativity and beauty. Then we can find a cozy little restaurant and have a special dinner. Something to make the day unforgettable.”

“That sounds perfect,” Regulus said, his voice tinged with excitement. “I’ve never really done anything like that before.”

James’s smile widened. “Then it’s settled. We’ll plan something special. And trust me, it’ll be a date you’ll never forget.”

Regulus leaned into James, feeling a sense of warmth and excitement building within him. “I can’t wait,” he murmured. “But you know, even if we’re just here, sitting on this couch, it feels special because it’s with you.”

“You have no idea how much that means to me,” James whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to Regulus's temple. “But I still want to make this date special. You deserve something memorable, something out of the ordinary.”

Regulus gazed into James’s eyes. “You make every moment feel special, Jamie.“

James grinned. “I’ll make the arrangements. We’ll go this weekend, and it’ll be just the two of us, no interruptions, no Master’s dissertation, no family drama.”

Regulus chuckled at that. “Sounds like heaven.”

Chapter Text

Regulus knocked on James and Sirius's door, his heart pounding with a mix of excitement and nerves. This was his first real date, and even though it was just an art exhibit, he wanted everything to go perfectly.

The door swung open, revealing Sirius grinning widely. "Hello, kiddo. You look fancy for this early in the morning," he said, reaching out to ruffle Regulus's carefully styled hair.

Regulus swatted his hand away, huffing in annoyance. "Don't touch it, wanker. I spent fifteen minutes on it."

Sirius laughed, stepping aside to let him in. "Alright, alright, I'll behave. James is just finishing his breakfast. You want some too? He made those fancy scrambled eggs you like."

At the mention of food, Regulus's stomach growled loudly, betraying him. He sighed, giving a reluctant nod. "Yeah, alright. I guess I could eat."

Sirius chuckled and led him to the kitchen, where the smell of freshly brewed coffee, jasmine tea and scrambled eggs filled the air. James was at the stove, humming to himself as he plated up a generous serving.

"Morning, love," James said, turning to smile at Regulus. "I made extra, just in case you wanted some."

Regulus's heart warmed at the thoughtfulness. "Thanks, James. I didn't have much time for breakfast."

James handed him a plate and a cup of coffee. "Well, dig in. We’ve got a big day ahead."

They sat down at the kitchen table, the morning light streaming in through the windows, casting a warm glow over the room. Sirius joined them, grabbing his own plate of eggs.

"So, what's the plan for today?" Sirius asked between bites.

James glanced at Regulus, his eyes twinkling. "We're going to the new art exhibit downtown. I've heard great things about it, and I thought it would be something different and fun."

Regulus smiled, feeling a flutter of excitement. "I've never been to that gallery before."

"Well, you're in for a treat," James said, reaching over to squeeze his hand. "I think you'll love it."

As they finished their breakfast, Regulus felt a growing sense of anticipation. Today was going to be special, he just knew it.

"Oh, Sirius, I forgot to ask you." Regulus suddenly remembered. "Maybe James has told you that we’ll be going on a short getaway with Evan, Barty, and the rest of the gang. Do you want to come with us? We’re going to have a Christmas party there and, well... you know, we can have an actually nice Christmas together that way."

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows, making Regulus feel a bit anxious. Maybe Sirius didn't want to spend so much time with him. The silence stretched for a moment, and Regulus's heart pounded in his chest.

"You want me there? Really?" Sirius asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

"Yeah... is that weird?" Regulus was no longer sure what was going on.

"It's not weird, just... I mean, I never thought you'd want me around for something like that," Sirius admitted, his voice softer. "But sure, I'll try to stay civil with Crouch. But I’m taking Moony for mental support."

"I can be your mental support," James chimed in, grinning from ear to ear as he finished the last bite of his toast.

"You will be his mental support," Sirius said, pointing his fork at Regulus. "And you'll need it with Crouch, trust me."

Regulus felt even confused but didn't want to show it. "Okay, then it's settled. It'll be nice to have everyone together for Christmas."

James stroked Regulus's hand with his thumb, offering silent reassurance. "It’s going to be great, love. We’ll make sure of it."

Sirius gave a nod, a small smile playing on his lips. "Alright then. Text me all the details, and you two have fun today. I’ll be staying at Moony’s tonight, but no funny business, okay?”

Regulus felt his face heating up. “Shut up,” he muttered to his brother.

James laughed. "Don’t worry, Sirius. We’ll behave."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You better. I've got my eye on you. Now go and enjoy your day."

As Regulus and James headed out, Regulus couldn’t help but walk with a little pep in his step. He glanced at James, who was looking at him with those warm, affectionate eyes.

“You ready for our adventure?” James asked, his voice filled with enthusiasm.

“Absolutely,” Regulus replied, feeling his nerves start to settle.

When they sat in James’s car, James cupped Regulus’s face and kissed him passionately. "You are the most precious thing, and—"

"Shh, kiss me more," Regulus interrupted, leaning in to be kissed again.

James didn’t need any more encouragement. He pressed his lips to Regulus's, the kiss deepening as their hands explored each other's faces, as if trying to memorise every detail. The world outside the car seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of them in their own bubble of warmth and affection.

After a moment, James pulled back slightly, his forehead resting against Regulus’s. "I can't believe how lucky I am," he whispered, his breath mingling with Regulus’s.

Regulus smiled, feeling a rush of happiness. "I’m the lucky one," he replied softly.

James chuckled, giving Regulus one last peck on the lips before starting the car. "Alright, let’s get going before we get too distracted and never make it to the exhibit."

Regulus laughed, settling back into his seat. "Fine, but don’t think I’m done with you yet."

James smirked, his eyes twinkling. "I wouldn’t dream of it."

As they arrived at the gallery, James parked the car and they stepped out into the crisp morning air. The building before them was modern, with large windows showcasing some of the vibrant art inside. Regulus could already see splashes of color and abstract forms through the glass, piquing his curiosity.

James took his hand as they walked inside, the warmth of his touch grounding Regulus. They approached the reception desk, where a friendly attendant handed them tickets and a brochure.

"Welcome to the Maria Prymachenko exhibit," the attendant said with a smile. "Enjoy your visit."

As they entered the main hall, Regulus was immediately captivated by the explosion of color and creativity. Prymachenko's work was a blend of fantastical creatures, intricate patterns, and vivid landscapes. Each piece seemed to tell a story, drawing them into a whimsical world where imagination reigned supreme.

"Wow," Regulus breathed, his eyes wide as he took in a large canvas depicting a mythical beast adorned with flowers and geometric shapes. "This is incredible."

James grinned, squeezing his hand. "I thought you'd like it. Her use of color and form is just mesmerizing."

They moved from one painting to another, discussing their interpretations and marveling at the details. James pointed out a piece that was a swirling composition of blues and greens with a mythical sea creature at its center. The creature's eyes seemed to follow them, giving the painting an almost lifelike quality.

"I love how her work feels both traditional and otherworldly at the same time," Regulus remarked, his voice filled with awe.

"Yeah, it's like she's taken folklore and dreams and combined them into something entirely unique," James agreed. "It's magical."

As they continued through the exhibit, they reached a series of smaller works, each one more intricate than the last. One painting, in particular, caught Regulus's eye. It depicted a serene village scene, but with fantastical elements woven into the landscape—sun with a face, whimsical creature peeking out from the water, animals working beside people.

"This one feels so peaceful," Regulus said softly, almost to himself.

James nodded. "It's like a window into another world. A place where everything is in harmony."

They lingered in front of the painting, absorbing its tranquility. For a moment, it felt like they were part of the scene, sharing a quiet moment of connection amidst the chaos of life.

As they moved on, they found a cozy corner of the gallery with a few benches. They sat down, still holding hands, and Regulus leaned his head on James's shoulder.

"Thank you for bringing me here," Regulus said, his voice filled with gratitude. "This is the best date I've ever been on." This was in fact the date he was on, but Regulus thought it deserved to be called the best.

James smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "I'm glad you're enjoying it. I wanted to do something special for you."

Regulus lifted his head, looking into James's eyes. "You always make me feel special."

James's expression softened, and he leaned in for another kiss, this one tender and full of promise. "That's because you are special, Reggie. More than you know."

They sat there for a while, simply enjoying each other's company and the beautiful art surrounding them.

After a while walked over to a series of six paintings displayed next to each other on a long wall. The titles of the paintings drew him in further.

The Polesia Catfish
Left the pond for the woods,
Looking for clean water.
But there's none here!

Two Disabled Bears
Discuss
Where it's better to go,
To be accepted.

The Vixen Goes Hunting and Carries Her Cubs,
So the poachers don't take them.

Regulus paused in front of the paintings, taking in the vivid imagery and poignant messages. The bright colors and intricate details seemed almost at odds with the somber themes, creating a powerful emotional impact.

James joined him, standing quietly by his side as they observed the paintings together. After a few moments, Regulus turned to him, his expression thoughtful.

"I think these are my favorite," Regulus said softly. "They show the effects of humankind on the world and the impact it has on animals. It's heartbreaking but so important."

James nodded, his eyes scanning the paintings. "Yeah, they really make you think about the consequences of our actions. Prymachenko had such a unique way of highlighting these issues. Her art is not just beautiful, it's also a call to action."

Regulus felt a wave of emotion wash over him. The paintings, with their blend of beauty and tragedy, spoke to him on a deeper level. He was grateful to be sharing this experience with James, someone who understood and appreciated the significance of the art.

After spending a considerable amount of time immersed in Maria Prymachenko's evocative art, Regulus and James exited the exhibition.

James reached for Regulus's hand as they began to walk down the bustling street. "I hope you enjoyed that," James said, his voice warm and gentle.

"I did," Regulus replied, squeezing James's hand back. "It was... powerful. Thank you for bringing me there."

James smiled, clearly pleased. "I'm glad you liked it. Now, how about we grab some lunch? I have a place in mind."

Regulus felt a slight flutter of anxiety. James hadn't mentioned before which place he chose, and the uncertainty made him uneasy. He had no idea what the menu was, not even what cuisine and he always checked that before going to any restaurant. Regulus tried to focus on the warmth of James's hand in his, the steady rhythm of their footsteps, and the comfort of being with someone who cared about him. "Where are we going?" he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

"It's a surprise," James said with a playful grin. Seeing the hint of worry in Regulus's eyes, he quickly added, "But trust me, you'll love it. It's not too far, and I think it'll be perfect for us."

Regulus nodded, trying to quell his nerves. He wanted to trust James, and he knew that James would never put him in a situation that would make him uncomfortable. "Okay," he said quietly, taking a deep breath.

As they walked, James chatted about various things—recent events at university, funny anecdotes about their friends, and his family. Regulus found himself relaxing, letting James's familiar voice and the rhythm of their conversation soothe him.

After a short stroll, they arrived at a charming little restaurant tucked away on a quiet street. The exterior was adorned with twinkling fairy lights and a sign that read "The Cozy Corner." James held the door open for Regulus, who stepped inside and immediately felt a wave of relief. The ambiance was warm and inviting, with rustic decor, soft lighting, and the comforting hum of low conversation.

James guided them to a corner table by a window, where they could look out at the passersby while enjoying a bit of privacy. "What do you think?" he asked, his eyes searching Regulus's face for any sign of discomfort.

Regulus let out a small sigh of relief, smiling. "I love it. It's perfect."

A waiter came by and handed them menus. As they looked over their options, James leaned in and said, "I thought you might like this place. It's got great reviews, and the atmosphere is really nice. Plus, their menu has a lot of variety, so there's something for everyone."

Regulus appreciated James's thoughtfulness. It was clear that he had put a lot of effort into planning this day, considering what would make Regulus comfortable and happy. "Thank you," he said sincerely. "I really do love it. And I'm looking forward to spending the rest of the day with you."

James beamed. "That means a lot to me. I want today to be special for you."

They ordered their meals and continued their conversation and Regulus felt safe and cherished. He realised that this day would indeed be memorable—not just because of the art exhibit or the delicious food, but because of the care and thoughtfulness that James had shown him.

For Regulus, this was more than just a date. It was a testament to the bond they shared, and a reminder that, with James by his side, he could face any uncertainty with confidence and trust.

When they finished eating, James insisted on paying for the meal. Regulus protested, but James waved him off with a grin, saying, "It's my treat today.”

Stepping outside, they were greeted by the cool air. The sky had darkened, and the city lights twinkled like stars. They decided to head back, walking leisurely to James's car.

Once they settled into the car, James handed Regulus his phone. "Here, play some music.”

Regulus scrolled through the saved songs and clicked on a random track. The first notes of "Everybody Talks" by Neon Trees filled the car.

Hey, baby, won't you look my way?
 I can be your new addiction.

"I can be your new addiction," Regulus chuckled, looking at James with a playful smile.

James began singing loudly, "It started with a whispeeeer. And that was when I kissed heeeer—"

“Oh!” Regulus exclaimed, hastily covering his ears, caught off guard by the sudden burst of volume. Yet, despite the initial surprise, he couldn’t help but giggle in amused delight. “Do you do that often?”

James, still singing along, belted out, “When everybody talks baaa-What?”

“I asked if you often sing out loud when you drive.” Regulus inquired.

James chuckled, not missing a beat. “Sometimes when I’m feeling it. You should try it.”

“I think I’ll pass.” Regulus whispered shyly. He couldn’t remember if he ever sang out loud to or with someone. Well at least sober.

James glanced at him, eyes twinkling with mischief. "Come on, love. It's fun. No one's judging here."

Regulus hesitated, the idea both thrilling and terrifying. He felt safe with James, yet the thought of singing out loud was daunting. "Maybe next time," he said softly.

"Alright," James said, not pushing further. "But I’ll keep trying to get you to sing with me." He reached over and squeezed Regulus's hand, giving him a reassuring smile before returning his attention to the road.

Songs were playing and Regulus felt like he was in a movie.

“I wish we could never stop,” Regulus said, his gaze fixed on the city lights outside the car window.

The song playing in the background was reaching its end.

So if by the time the bar closes
And you feel like falling down
I’ll carry you home tonight

“I think this one was my favorite from the ones that played today,” Regulus added as the song concluded.

James smiled. “I sometimes think this is the perfect song to listen to if the world was ending—” However, his words halted abruptly as the opening of the next song began. “Skip that one, Reggie.”

So you found a place where the grass is greener

Regulus looked around, trying to locate where he had put James’s phone.

And you jumped the fence to the other side

“Why? It sounds nice,” Regulus asked, a hint of confusion in his voice as he finally found the phone.

“Just skip it, Reggie.”

Regulus tried to unlock the phone but something wasn’t working.

Is it good? Are they giving you a world I could—

“TURN IT OFF!” James shouted.

Regulus jumped and turned off the phone entirely. An uneasy silence settled between them. He glanced at James, noting his tense expression and the way his hands gripped the steering wheel. The sudden shift in mood left Regulus uneasy.

He watched James, trying to compose himself and taking a deep breaths, with growing concern. They sat in silence for a few minutes until James spotted a gas station and veered towards it.

After parking the car, he left the keys inside with Regulus and stepped out. Regulus watched him go, feeling a growing sense of anxiety. The abrupt departure and the intensity of James’s reaction made Regulus’s chest tighten with worry.

He waited in the car for a few minutes, his mind racing. He couldn’t just sit there. He needed to understand what had caused James such distress.

He thought about listening to the song, he needed to understand.

But wouldn’t that be invading James’s privacy?

But how could he help without knowing? He needed to know.

Regulus unlocked the phone again, his fingers trembling slightly. He found the song and took a deep breath before hitting play, letting the lyrics wash over him.

When the song finished, gathering his resolve, Regulus stepped out of the car and looked around. He spotted James near the side of the gas station, sitting on the ground with his head between his knees. The sight of James so vulnerable and in pain made Regulus’s heart ache.

He approached cautiously, not wanting to startle him. As he got closer, he noticed James's shoulders shaking slightly. Regulus reached out and gently placed a hand on James's knee.

“Jamie…” Regulus's voice was soft and filled with concern. “Can I sit with you?”

James looked up, his eyes red and filled with unshed tears. He just nodded slowly.

Regulus settled next to him, keeping a comforting hand on his knee. He waited patiently, knowing that James would speak when he was ready.

After what felt like an eternity, James finally spoke, his voice a whisper. “Did you listen to the song?”

Regulus took a deep breath and replied quietly, “I did. I gathered that you didn’t want me to, but I just didn’t know what to do. I wanted to understand so I could help.”

“I would probably listen to it too if I was in your place,” James sighed.

Regulus felt a mix of emotions. He could see the depth of James’s turmoil and wanted to help ease it. Taking another deep breath, he asked gently, “Is that how you feel? Do you think people believe that you only take and then leave them behind?”

James whispered, “Sometimes.”

Regulus's heart ached at those words. Without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around James, holding him tightly. “Jamie… Do you know that I would never call you a selfish person? You are the most selfless person I know.”

“You don’t need to comfort me. I’m sorry I ruined our date. I will collect myself in a moment, and I can drive you home. We don’t need to even talk,” James said and Regulus felt his own eyes watering.

“Jamie, please stop. Don’t say that,” Regulus implored, his hands cupping James's face gently. “You didn’t ruin anything. Your worries, even if I don’t agree with them, are a part of you, and I want to know you and everything that comes with you, okay? I want you.”

Regulus watched as James’s expression softened, a mix of relief and vulnerability in his eyes. He let out a shaky breath, and Regulus felt a small sense of victory. He had reached James, even if only a little.

“Reggie…” James started, his voice unsteady. “I-I don’t know what to say. I just wanted tonight to be special.”

Regulus shook his head gently, his hands still cradling James’s face. “Jamie, tonight is special because we’re together. And I want to be here for you, no matter what. Please, don’t push me away.”

James closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, they were filled with gratitude and something deeper. “Thank you, Reggie. I needed to hear that.”

Regulus smiled softly, brushing a stray tear from James's cheek. “Let’s go home, okay? We can talk more if you want, or we can just be. Whatever you need.”

James nodded, leaning into Regulus's touch. “Okay. Let's go home.”

They walked back to the car together, hand in hand, the night air cool and comforting. Once inside, James handed Regulus his phone again. “You can still play music if you want.”

Regulus hesitated, then selected a calming instrumental playlist. The gentle melodies filled the car, creating a soothing atmosphere as they drove back. Regulus’s hand never left James’s body, a constant reassurance of his presence.

“Do you still want to spend the night?” James asked hesitantly, his voice barely above a whisper.

Regulus squeezed his leg gently. “As long as you want me to.”

“Can you hug me when we’re back at the flat, then?”

“Jamie, of course.”

When James parked his car, they shared a gentle kiss before stepping out and walking towards the door. The night air was cool, and the streets were quiet, the world around them hushed as if respecting their need for peace.

Once inside the flat, James seemed to relax a bit. Regulus could see the exhaustion in his eyes, but also a flicker of relief. They kicked off their shoes and headed to the sitting room, where James sank onto the couch. Regulus followed, sitting beside him and wrapping his arms around James’s shoulders, pulling him close.

James rested his head on Regulus’s chest, and they sat in comfortable silence, the only sound being the faint hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen. Regulus ran his fingers through James’s hair, offering comfort and grounding.

“When I listen to that song…” James slowly started, his voice a vulnerable whisper. “I-I tend to imagine people from my life telling me these things. I know I shouldn’t be doing that, because I only feel worse when I do it. But I just can’t stop.”

He looked down, avoiding eye contact with Regulus. “I think I can’t stop because I believe that if I do, it would be because I can’t face reality. Reality that is that song.”

Regulus stroked James’s cheek. “I won’t fight with you, trying to change your mind, because I feel you would just bury yourself in your thoughts more. So if you let me, I will try to make you feel better. Maybe not immediately, but I hope one day these thoughts will be weaker. Will you let me try?” Regulus asked.

James nodded slowly, burying his face into Regulus’s chest. “When I was younger, every summer I went on summer camps. Water sports, surfing, sailing, all sorts of things. I think it was the summer between secondary school and high school when I met Peter on one of those camps. He was a bit clumsy, not so outgoing, but he was nice and friendly and just a fun person to be around.”

Regulus listened intently, his fingers gently stroking James’s back in soothing motions.

“When summer ended and high school began, we still kept in touch. We’d meet at each other’s houses and spend time together. Peter looked up to me, and I felt like I was his role model. It was flattering, I felt truly special, that he chose me to guide him.”

James paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. “But after a while, I started to feel pressured. I knew I wasn’t perfect and was so scared of doing something wrong because what if Peter did the same and ended up hurt?”

“He told me about his insecurities, and I tried very hard to be supportive. I once confronted his bully, helped him with his studies, we were just always there for each other, you know? But I started to get nervous. I felt too responsible for him.“ James continued, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Then it got tough. Peter started to really struggle, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I felt like I was drowning in his problems, like they were pulling me under. Now you’re free from the agonising life you were living before. That line from the song—it’s how I justified slowly getting more distant. I told myself that I couldn’t help him if I was being dragged down too. But deep down, I knew it was because I was scared. I was scared of failing him, of not being enough.”

James’s eyes welled with tears, and his voice wavered as he continued, “When Peter told me about his suicidal thoughts, I just froze. I didn’t know what to do. I felt so helpless, so inadequate. I wanted to be his hero, but I couldn’t be. So I distanced myself. I-I distanced myself because I felt like I was suffocating. I thought that by pulling away, I could save myself, but I was just abandoning him when he needed me most.”

Regulus tightened this grip slightly trying to offer silent support.

“We spent about half a year in no contact, but then Peter reached out, wanting to return some books he’d borrowed from me. We met, and the meeting was great. We started seeing each other again, and at first, I thought it would be different. I thought we weren’t as close that time, so nothing bad would happen.”

James’s voice grew even quieter as he continued. “But we were at that age when we started experimenting with alcohol, and Peter really liked the drunken version of himself. Sure, he was more confident, but he was also more reckless. And I slowly realised I was getting into this strange relationship with him again. Then, there was the summer before I was starting university. I was with my parents on holiday when I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize. I called back, and the voice on the other side informed me it was a psychiatric hospital. Peter had been admitted.”

James’s voice trembled, and he paused to collect himself. Regulus pressed a reassuring kiss to his forehead, urging him to continue.

“I don’t know why, but when the lady asked if I wanted to talk to Peter, I said no. Maybe I was scared. But I wasn’t sure. I saw on social media that Peter got out a month later, so I knew he was okay. But we never reconnected again.”

A heavy silence settled between them. Regulus held James tighter, trying to absorb some of his pain. “Jamie, I’m so sorry you went through that-”

Tears streamed down James’s face as he interrupted Regulus, “I just feel like I failed him, Reggie. When I listen to that song, I can't help but think of Peter, and how I took everything I could from him. He gave me so much—his trust, his admiration, his friendship. He looked up to me like I was his hero, and I basked in that. It was flattering, having someone believe in me so completely. I was the one he turned to for help, for comfort, for everything. It made me feel important, needed.”

James was fidgeting with his fingers like his life depended upon it and Regulus kept his arms around him hoping he was helping even a bit.

“But then, when things got hard, when Peter really needed me, I... I left. I ran. I took everything Peter had to offer, all the compliments, all the flattery. I let him build me up, and I soaked it all in, made myself feel better about who I was because of him.” James’s voice cracked, and he buried his face in his hands.

“I punished him for needing me. I thought I was doing the right thing by stepping back, but I see now that I was just running away. I thought I could just walk away and everything would be fine, but it wasn’t. I failed him, and I hate myself for it.”

Regulus held James even tighter as he spoke gently, “Jamie, you were just a kid. You did what you thought was best at the time. You can’t blame yourself for not having all the answers. You did what you could, and that has to be enough. You’re not responsible for Peter’s actions.”

James shook his head, tears falling freely. “I see his face whenever I hear that song.”

Regulus kissed James’s temple gently, his voice soft and reassuring. “You’re not a bad person, Jamie. You made mistakes, but you cared deeply, and you tried your best. That’s all anyone can ask for.”

James took a deep, shuddering breath. “I’ve never told anyone this. Not even Sirius. It’s like this heavy secret I’ve been carrying alone.”

Regulus stroked his hair gently. “You don’t have to carry it alone anymore, Jamie. I’m here for you, always.”

They sat in silence for a few moments and Regulus could feel James gradually relaxing against him, the tension slowly easing from his body.

“You know,” James began hesitantly, “sometimes I think about calling him, just to see how he’s doing. But then I get scared. What if it just brings everything back?”

Regulus nodded, understanding the complexity of the emotions James was grappling with. “It’s natural to feel that way. You have to do what feels right for you, Jamie. Maybe one day you’ll feel ready, and maybe you won’t. Either way, it’s okay.”

James sighed, leaning his head against Regulus’s shoulder. “Thank you, Reggie. For listening, for understanding. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Regulus pressed a kiss to the top of James’s head. “You don’t have to do anything without me.”

They remained on the couch, wrapped in each other’s arms, finding solace in their shared silence. Eventually, James’s breathing steadied, and Regulus knew he was on the verge of falling asleep.

“Let’s go to bed,” Regulus whispered gently. “You need rest.”

James nodded, allowing Regulus to help him up. They made their way to the bedroom, where Regulus tucked James in before climbing in beside him. As they settled under the covers, Regulus wrapped his arms around James, holding him close.

“Goodnight, Jamie,” Regulus murmured softly.

“Goodnight, Reggie,” James replied, his voice already heavy with sleep.

As James drifted off, Regulus stayed awake for a while, listening to the steady rhythm of his breathing. He felt a deep sense of protectiveness for James and... something else. There was a warmth growing in his chest, an emotion he had never fully acknowledged until now.

He leaned closer to see if James was really asleep, his heart pounding. Seeing the peaceful rise and fall of James's chest, Regulus felt a surge of tenderness. He brought his lips close to James's hair, inhaling the familiar scent.

“I love you, Jamie,” he whispered softly, the words feeling both terrifying and liberating. He waited, half-expecting a response even in sleep, but James remained still, lost in his dreams.

Regulus settled back, a small smile playing on his lips. It felt good to finally say it, even if James wasn’t awake to hear it. He knew there would be a time and place to share those words again, and he was willing to wait for the right moment. For now, he was content to hold James close, securely in his arms.

Chapter Text

Regulus woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of James moving frantically beside him. James was turning, shifting positions, and alternately covering and uncovering himself with the duvet. His restlessness filled the room, and Regulus felt a pang of concern, his own heart beating faster in response to James's distress.

Gently, Regulus reached out and placed a hand on James’s arm. “James,” he whispered softly, trying not to startle him. “Are you okay?”

James paused in his movements, his breathing heavy and uneven. He turned to look at Regulus, his eyes wide and filled with a mix of confusion and fear. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, his voice shaky. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Regulus shook his head, his voice soothing. “It’s alright. I’m here. What’s going on?”

James sighed, running a hand through his disheveled hair, his fingers tangling in the strands. “It’s nothing.”

They stayed staring at each other for a while, the silence stretching between them. As Regulus’s eyes adjusted to the dark, he noticed James biting his lip and the anxiety clear in his tense posture. “Don’t do that, Jamie,” he said softly, leaning forward and brushing a tender kiss across James’s lips.

Regulus felt his heart ache at the vulnerability in James’s eyes. “Do you want me to do something? I can make you some tea or bring you cold water,” he offered gently, hoping to provide some comfort.

James hesitated, his eyes flickering with uncertainty. “I just want a hug.”

“We’re hugging right now,” Regulus replied, his tone gentle but tinged with confusion.

James sat up, prompting Regulus to follow suit. With a tenderness James lifted Regulus and settled him onto his lap, wrapping his arms around him securely. The movement was careful, almost reverent, as if James was afraid Regulus might break.

Regulus instinctively wrapped his legs around James’s waist, pressing himself close and burying his face in James’s neck. He closed his eyes, savoring the moment, feeling James’s heartbeat against his own.

“Okay, I understand now,” Regulus murmured, his voice muffled against James’s skin. The scent of remnants of James's cologne, mixed with the faint saltiness of sweat, was familiar and comforting.

Regulus felt James's breath warm against his neck, uneven and heavy. He ran his fingers gently through James’s hair, offering silent comfort, grounding him in the present. “I’m here with you.”

James tightened his embrace, holding him as if letting go would mean losing his lifeline. “I know,” he whispered back, his voice breaking.

He pressed a soft kiss to James’s temple, his lips lingering against the warm skin and shortly after James buried his face in Regulus’s shoulder.

He held him tightly, whispering soothing words, his fingers tracing gentle patterns on James’s back. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “I’m here.”

They stayed like that for a long time, wrapped in each other’s arms, until eventually, James’s breathing evened out.

“Back to sleep?” Regulus asked quietly.

James hummed affirmatively, the sound a soft vibration against Regulus's chest.

Regulus adjusted them slightly, settling James more comfortably against him, and closed his eyes, hoping sleep would come easily. But as the minutes ticked by, he found himself staring up at the ceiling, his mind racing. There was an anxious tightness in his chest, a sensation he couldn't quite place. It gnawed at him, persistent and unyielding.

Why was he feeling this way? Why now, when James needed him the most? The guilt started to slowly creep up on his chest. His boyfriend had just shared something deeply personal and emotional, was going through a lot, yet here he was, feeling bad when he should be focusing on James and James only.

Regulus sighed quietly, careful not to disturb James. He tried to dissect his feelings, to understand the source of his sudden melancholy. Was it the weight of James’s confession? The vulnerability and pain James had revealed? Or was it something deeper, a reflection of his own unresolved issues?

He thought back to his own struggles, the moments when he had felt utterly alone. The familiarity of those feelings tugged at his heart, intertwining with the empathy he felt for James. Maybe it was the realization that, despite their love for each other, they both carried heavy burdens, burdens that sometimes felt too overwhelming to share.

Regulus tightened his hold on James, his mind churning. He wanted to be strong, to be the unwavering support James needed. He took a deep breath, trying to ground himself.

Despite this resolve, the tightness in his chest persisted, and his thoughts spiraled into a familiar darkness, a stark contrast to the warmth and connection he now shared with James.

Regulus felt a profound sense of inadequacy, an insidious voice in the back of his mind whispering that he wasn’t enough, that he would never be enough. The weight of these thoughts pressed down on him, making it hard to breathe.

He had always been good at hiding his struggles, at putting on a brave face for the world. But in the quiet of the night, with James asleep in his arms, the façade crumbled. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he had to bite his lip to keep from sobbing. The urge to push James away, to protect him from his own darkness, was overwhelming.

Yet, as he looked down at James’s peaceful face, a different kind of resolve took hold. Maybe by sharing his own vulnerabilities, he could help James feel less alone. They were both wounded, both struggling, but together they could find a way to heal.

Regulus whispered softly, “Jamie, I’m scared too. I’m scared that I’ll never be able to be the person you need. But I promise, I’ll never stop trying. I’ll be here, with you, no matter what.”

And after a second thought he added, more to himself than to James, “We’ll get through this. Together.”

The darkness of the room seemed a little less oppressive as he repeated the words in his mind. And as the night stretched on, Regulus’s thoughts gradually quieted, the weight on his chest easing slightly. He might not sleep much, but he knew that being there for James… with James was the most important thing.

☆

Regulus was woken up by the sound of the door lock clicking and the thud of something being thrown down. He gently moved James off of him, careful not to disturb his sleep, and got out of bed. Padding quietly into the sitting room, he saw his brother kicking off his boots near the front door.

Regulus waved to Sirius and pressed a finger to his lips, hoping he would realize he should be quieter to avoid waking James.

“He’s a deep sleeper; nothing’s gonna wake him up,” Sirius said, waving his hand dismissively but keeping his voice down.

Regulus gave him a pointed look, his expression a mix of irritation and concern. “Still, try to keep it down,” he whispered. “He’s had a rough night.”

Sirius’s face softened as he looked at his younger brother. “Is he okay?” he asked, lowering his voice further.

Regulus sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “He’s just… I don’t even know how to explain.”

“Did something happen on your date? Are you okay?” Sirius’s eyes widened with concern.

“The date was actually amazing, and I am fine. It’s just… we talked about something that James apparently kept buried deep inside him.”

“Oh…” Sirius frowned slightly, a look of understanding and worry crossing his face.

“It’s not like he doesn’t trust you or anything,” Regulus quickly added, trying to reassure his brother. “If something hadn’t happened accidentally, he wouldn’t have told me either. It’s not that he doesn’t trust you.”

Sirius just hummed in response.

“After I leave, just… I don’t know… cuddle him a lot or something. I think he would appreciate that.” Regulus smiled weakly. “Show him he’s a good friend.”

Sirius’s eyes softened, and he nodded. “I will. Thanks for letting me know, Reg.”

Regulus gave him a small, appreciative smile. As he headed back to the bedroom, he felt a sense of relief knowing that Sirius would be there for James. He slipped back under the covers, his mind still swirling with concern and affection.

James stirred slightly as Regulus settled in beside him. Regulus watched him for a moment, feeling a deep ache in his chest. He knew he would need to get back to his own house soon, but he wanted to stay in James’s presence as long as he could.

Gently, Regulus reached out and took James’s hand, holding it tightly. He listened to the rhythm of James’s snoring, letting it overtake his racing thoughts.

☆

Regulus walked into his house, feeling the familiar weight of dread settle over him. He was about to retreat to his room when he heard Mother’s voice calling him. With a heavy heart, he made his way to the sitting room, knowing that these talks never ended well.

He sat on the other side of the table, meeting his mother’s piercing gaze. “Do you need something from me?” Regulus asked after a moment of tense silence.

“I don’t know. I was thinking you might tell me.” Walburga shrugged, her expression unreadable.

Regulus furrowed his brow in confusion. Suddenly, he remembered. “Oh, shit. Mother, I am so, so sorry, I forgot to do the laundry.”

“You’re sliding,” Mother interrupted, her tone cold. “All you do is lay in your bed and rot, and occasionally you go out and drink.”

Regulus tried to process what she was saying. “I-I have university, I have a job, I don’t just lay in bed…”

“Yeah, and what were you about to do now, huh?”

“I don’t know. I hadn’t thought about it.” Regulus shifted uncomfortably, changing his position from sitting to half standing, half leaning on the table.

“I don’t know what I should do with you,” Mother sighed.

“You don’t have to do anything with me.”

“Clearly I do, because nothing I tell you reaches you. You don’t care about anything I say. And look at you now!”

Regulus froze, realizing he was shaking. Mother continued, her words like daggers. “You can’t even talk with me without getting defensive. Why can’t you sit normally? You look like you’re about to run.”

“I… I don’t know why I stand like that. It’s kind of an unconscious reflex,” Regulus said weakly, his voice cracking.

“Oh, and the tears. I wonder how you even function at your work when you can’t handle any feedback. Or maybe it’s just me you can’t handle. You just have that hatred for me. Tell me. Tell me why is that!”

“I don’t hate you. You just… I told you things that I wish were different.” Regulus dropped his gaze, feeling utterly defeated.

“Yeah, you want me to be more positive and encouraging. I’ll start acting like that when you actually start doing something.” Walburga rolled her eyes.

“But can’t you just encourage me just because? Say everything will be okay? Show that you care?” Regulus felt tears running down his cheeks, his heart breaking.

“I care! Don’t you see it! We keep having this conversation because I care! And I’m not going to lie to you. I won’t tell you everything will be okay, because it probably won’t, and you are showing me nothing to make me believe otherwise.” Mother’s words cut deep, and Regulus felt his throat tightening. He hadn’t felt this heartbroken in a long time.

“Why do you need to see anything? Wasn’t mother’s love supposed to be unconditional? Yours feels… a bit conditional,” Regulus whispered, his voice trembling with the weight of his emotions.

Walburga’s expression hardened, but for a moment, a flicker of something softer crossed her face. “Unconditional love doesn’t mean ignoring reality. It means pushing you to be better, to not let you fall into despair and waste your potential.”

Regulus shook his head, feeling the tears spill over. “I don’t need you to push me. I need you to support me, to believe in me even when I don’t believe in myself. Can’t you see that?”

Mother looked him in the eyes. “I’m doing what is best for you, Regulus. It may not be what you want, but it’s what you need.”

Regulus felt a deep sense of despair settle over him. “What I need is a mother who loves me without conditions, who tells me it’s going to be okay, who doesn’t make me feel like I’m always failing.”

“That’s just not who I am. And you know that.” Mother just shrugged.

Regulus already knew that this conversation, like so many before it, would change nothing, but this time it was just too much to handle. “Why are you like this?” He was now fully crying, shouting in despair. “I know people have different love languages, there are so many ways people like to be shown that someone cares, I understand that. But can’t you just try to reach me when I tell you how to do it? Why do you always say, ‘that’s not who I am, don’t expect anything different’? You ask why I get so defensive and why I don’t ask for your opinion. Because after all these years, I’ve learned that you don’t listen, and I—I just won’t get the support I need from you. It’s not my fault I just no longer trust you.”

Walburga looked at him in silence. “This was like a slap in the face.”

“But you asked for it. You keep asking why I act a certain way or why I feel certain things!” Regulus shouted through sobs. “You keep asking, and when I tell you, you make me feel like I’ve hurt you on purpose.”

The room fell silent, the tension thick and palpable. Regulus’s chest heaved with the force of his emotions, his tears flowing freely. Walburga’s face remained unreadable, but there was a flicker of something in her eyes—perhaps a realization, perhaps regret, but maybe it was just his imagination.

“You’ve had years to learn!” Regulus shouted, feeling utterly drained. “I’ve told you so many times. Why can’t you just try?!”

“Sirius, how many times do I-“

“Regulus.”

“What?” she muttered.

“My name. It’s Regulus,” he said coldly.

“That’s what I said,” Mother replied, not showing any emotion.

“Maybe I misheard you.”

They looked at each other for a while in silence.

“It’s breaking me,” Regulus finally whispered, his voice barely audible. “I need you to see that.”

He fully stood up. “I’m going to my room,” he said quietly, turning away from her. The pain was too much, and he needed to be alone, to try and find some way to put himself back together.

As he walked to his room, each step felt heavier than the last. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it, feeling the weight of the conversation settle heavily on his shoulders. He slid down to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest. The emotional toll of the night, from James’s vulnerability to his mother’s harsh words, overwhelmed him. He buried his face in his arms, allowing himself to sob quietly.

☆

They settled on the weekend before Christmas for the getaway. They would drive to the cabin on Thursday evening and stay for three nights. Evan was excited to have more people on the trip and accepted the idea of bringing Remus with a smile.

With eleven people coming, they decided to split into three cars. Regulus, James, Sirius, and Remus in one; Barty, Evan, Dorcas, and Marlene in the second; and Pandora, her boyfriend, and Emmeline in the third. Regulus felt a tinge of sadness that his group didn’t even ask if he wanted to ride with them, but he understood that him riding with James, Sirius, and Remus made the most sense.

On the drive up, Regulus tried to push aside his disappointment and focus on the excitement of the trip. James was in the driver’s seat, with Sirius next to him, while Regulus and Remus sat in the back. The car was filled with the sound of the playlist that Sirius had enthusiastically curated for the trip. Despite the initial awkwardness, Regulus found himself relaxing and enjoying the company.

As they drove through the snow-dusted countryside, James occasionally glanced in the rearview mirror, catching Regulus’s eye and offering him a reassuring smile. “You doing okay back there?” he asked during a lull in the conversation.

Regulus nodded, returning the smile. “Yeah, I’m good. Just looking forward to getting there.”

Remus, sensing Regulus’s earlier unease, leaned closer and whispered, “I know it’s not the same, but I’m glad we’re all together in this car. It’ll be fun.”

Regulus appreciated the sentiment and felt a bit lighter. “Thanks, Remus. I’m glad too.”

The cabin, when they finally arrived, was everything they had hoped for. Nestled in the woods and covered in a blanket of snow, it looked like something out of a winter fairy tale. The group quickly set about unloading the cars and settling into their rooms. The cabin was spacious, with enough room for everyone to have a comfortable place to sleep and plenty of common areas to gather.

After they unpacked they gathered in the large sitting room and set up a fire in the fireplace. Pandora officially introduced her boyfriend to them and Regulus immediately understood what Evan meant when he told him about him. Xenophilius was… eccentric to say the least.

Xenophilius had an unusual sense of fashion, wearing a brightly colored scarf with a pattern that seemed almost hypnotic and a pair of mismatched socks. His hair was a wild mane of curls, and his eyes held a peculiar, almost otherworldly gleam. He greeted everyone with an enthusiastic handshake and a barrage of esoteric facts about winter solstices and mythical creatures.

Regulus watched as Xenophilius animatedly explained the supposed magical properties of snowflakes to a bemused Marlene. “You see, each snowflake is unique, a microscopic masterpiece crafted by the winter spirits,” he said, his voice filled with awe. “And if you look closely, you might even see tiny runes in their structure.”

James leaned over to Regulus, whispering with a chuckle, “He’s something else, isn’t he?”

Regulus couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, he’s definitely interesting.”

Despite his quirks, Xenophilius’s enthusiasm was infectious, and soon the entire group was engaged in a lively discussion about the strangest things they’d ever heard or believed in as children. Regulus found himself laughing more than he had in weeks.

Later in the evening, after everyone had settled in, Marlene suggested they play a game of charades. It quickly turned into a hilarious affair, with Barty’s over-the-top dramatics and Emmeline’s uncanny ability to guess even the most obscure clues.

Later Regulus noticed Dorcas sitting comfortably in Marlene’s lap, and a slight sting of longing hit him. It wasn’t that anyone in their group would judge if he sat in James’s lap—perhaps Sirius would roll his eyes or crack a joke—but Regulus still felt hesitant. The idea of asking for such an overt display of affection made him uncomfortable, even though he knew James wouldn’t mind.

He watched the easy way Dorcas leaned into Marlene, their casual intimacy evident in every gesture. Regulus felt a pang of envy, not just for the physical closeness but for the effortless way they expressed it. He and James had their moments of affection, plenty of cuddling and touching, but Regulus worried that his craving for it might come off as too clingy.

James seemed to sense Regulus’s unease, because soon after he leaned over and whispered, “Everything alright?”

Regulus nodded, forcing a smile. “Yeah, just tired, I guess.”

James didn’t look entirely convinced but didn’t push the matter. Instead, he shifted closer, their legs touching, and wrapped an arm around Regulus’s shoulders. The gesture was subtle enough not to draw attention but comforting in its own right.

“Want to go outside for a bit?” James asked softly, nodding towards the door. “Get some fresh air?”

Regulus nodded, grateful for the excuse to step away from the group for a moment. They slipped on their coats and boots and quietly made their way outside, the cold night air biting but refreshing. The snow-covered landscape was serene under the moonlight, a stark contrast to the lively warmth inside the cabin.

James took Regulus’s hand, their breath visible in the chilly air. “You don’t have to pretend with me, you know,” James said gently. “If something’s bothering you, you can tell me.”

Regulus sighed, looking down at their joined hands. “It’s silly, really. I just… I see how easy it is for Dorcas and Marlene to be close, and I wish I could be like that with you. But I feel weird asking for it, like I might be too clingy. And also I don’t want to confuse you. I told you I have a weird relationship with touch. It’s true and I hate it most of the time, but then you are next to me and I—”

James squeezed his hand, cutting off his rambling. “Reggie, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain. I get it.”

Regulus met his gaze, his eyes reflecting a mix of vulnerability and hope. “You do?”

James nodded. “I know touch is complicated for you. But it’s also something you crave sometimes, and that’s completely normal. You’re not confusing me, and you’re not being too clingy.”

“But-“

“It’s not silly at all. It’s okay to want more. I love being close to you, Reg. You don’t ever have to worry about being too clingy with me.“

Regulus looked up at James, his eyes softening. “Really?”

“Really,” James said, pulling Regulus into a warm embrace. “You’re my boyfriend, Regulus. I want you to feel comfortable and loved, always. Also, haven’t you noticed I am probably the clingiest person on the planet? Me and Sirius hold hands when we go shopping.”

“I’m not sure that’s something to be proud of, Jamie.” Regulus snorted. “Soon someone will come to me or Remus saying our boyfriends are cheating or something.”

“But you know it wouldn’t be true.” James grinned at him.

“Guess you’re right.” Regulus rolled his eyes, a small smile playing on his lips.

James chuckled, tightening his embrace.

They eventually made their way back inside, the warmth of the cabin enveloping them once more.

As they walked back to the sitting room hand in hand, everyone was engrossed in a movie. James sat down on the couch and pulled Regulus into his lap, wrapping his arms around him.

Dorcas glanced over and smiled. “Finally decided to join us, huh?”

“Fuck off, Meadows.” Regulus just flipped her off with a smirk.

☆

He was woken up by James nudging his cheek with his nose. “Stop it, I’m trying to sleep,” Regulus muttered, turning onto the other side away from James.

“But I’m bored,” James whined into his ear.

“Then sleep too.” Regulus huffed, pulling the duvet over his head.

“Reggieee, please.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“What are you even asking for?” Regulus rolled his eyes and turned back to face his boyfriend.

“Can we go bother Sirius and Remus?”

“And you desperately need me to go with you?” Regulus raised his brow.

“Yes, it’s a team effort. More fun that way.” James wiggled his eyebrows.

Regulus sighed dramatically. “Alright, alright. But if Sirius throws something at me, I’m fully blaming you.”

James’s grin widened, and he quickly got out of bed, pulling Regulus along with him. They tiptoed out of their room and down the hall to where Sirius and Remus were sleeping. James gently knocked on the door before bursting in without waiting for an answer.

“Sirius, Remus, wake up!” James called out.

Sirius groaned and pulled a pillow over his head. “James, shut the fuck up, it’s too early for your nonsense.”

Remus peeked out from under the covers, squinting in the dim light. “What’s going on?”

Without warning, James threw himself onto their bed with full force.

“Next time you ask why we’re sleeping at yours, I’ll remind you of this moment,” Sirius muttered, looking at Remus.

“Oh, but he just wants to cuddle.” Remus chuckled, and James looked like a child in a candy shop as he dived into the duvet to hug Remus.

Regulus stood there with his arms crossed, observing the whole ordeal until his brother called him. “Reg, help me get up.”

He walked over to the bed, extending his hand to help Sirius, but was pulled into the mix of limbs on the bed. “Sirius, you wanker!” Regulus exclaimed, struggling to free himself.

Sirius laughed, holding onto him. “What? You didn’t expect this?”

James, still clinging to Remus, grinned at Regulus. “Come on, love, just join the cuddle pile.”

Regulus sighed. “Fine, but don’t get used to it. This is a one time exception.”

The four of them lay there in a tangled heap, the warmth of their bodies enveloping them. As the initial annoyance faded, Regulus found himself relaxing, enjoying the moment of closeness. It was chaotic and unconventional, but it was also comforting in a way he hadn’t expected.

After a while, Remus sat up on the bed. “Okay, I need some coffee.”

“Yes, please.” Regulus untangled himself from his brother and James and stood up, stretching his arms.

“Shit,” James suddenly whispered under his breath.

“Something’s wrong?” Sirius asked, looking concerned.

“No, nothing. I just forgot my tea, but there is probably some black here, I’ll be fine.” James sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“What are you thinking about?” Remus asked Regulus when both of them walked to the kitchen and started making coffee.

“Nothing.” Regulus shrugged, avoiding Remus’s gaze.

“Yeah right.” Remus smirked, seeing right through Regulus. “The closest shop is about a forty-minute walk one way.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Regulus said, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

“Sure, sure. So what am I supposed to tell James when he asks where you are?” Remus chuckled, a knowing glint in his eyes.

“Fuck off, Lupin.” Regulus rolled his eyes, but after a moment, he added, “Just say I went for a walk, okay?”

Remus nodded, a smile tugging at his lips. “Alright, ‘went for a walk.’ Got it. You’re a good boyfriend, Reg.”

Regulus felt a small blush creep up his neck. “Just don’t make a big deal out of it.”

“I won’t,” Remus promised, his voice sincere. “Be careful out there. And hurry back. We don’t want to miss you at breakfast.”

Regulus gave a quick nod, grabbed his coat, and slipped out of the cabin. The cold morning air hit him as he started the long trek to the nearest shop. He knew it was a bit ridiculous, but James loved jasmine tea, and Regulus wanted to do something special for him.

As he walked through the snow-covered path, his thoughts wandered. It gave him time to reflect on everything that had happened recently—the conversation with Mother, the topic of family trip, that suddenly Mother stopped bothering him about, probably thinking he agreed to go, the guilt he felt, and the overwhelming need to be a good.

By the time he reached the shop, Regulus was both physically and emotionally drained. He searched the shelves and found jasmine tea that looked the most tasty and paid for it, feeling a sense of accomplishment. The walk back seemed even longer, but the thought of James’s smile when he saw the tea kept him going.

When he finally returned to the cabin, he quietly slipped back inside, hoping not to draw too much attention. But as soon as he entered the kitchen, he found Remus there, a knowing look on his face.

“How was your ‘walk’?” Remus asked, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

“Refreshing,” Regulus replied dryly, holding up the tea. “Mission accomplished.”

Remus chuckled. “James is going to be over the moon. You’re lovely, Reg.”

Regulus felt a warmth spread through him at Remus’s words. “Thanks, Remus. Is he still in bed with Sirius? Let’s make sure he gets his tea before he wakes the whole cabin.”

Remus nodded, grabbing a couple of mugs as Regulus prepared the tea. A few minutes later, they heard the sound of footsteps and laughter approaching. James finally stumbled into the kitchen with messy morning hair.

Regulus smiled and handed him a steaming cup of tea. “I know it’s not exactly the same as yours, but it’s still jasmine.”

James took the cup, his eyes widening in surprise. “You went out and got this for me?”

Regulus shrugged, trying to play it cool. “Well, I knew you’d be grumpy without it. Figured it was worth the walk.”

James’s face lit up with a bright smile as he took a sip. “Love, this is perfect. Thank you.”

Regulus felt a wave of relief and happiness wash over him.

James set the cup down and pulled Regulus into a tight hug. “You’re the best, you know that?”

Regulus chuckled, feeling the weight of his earlier worries lift. “I try.”

Sirius wandered into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and yawning. “What’s all this noise about?”

James grinned at his best friend. “Reggie went out and got me jasmine tea. Isn’t he the best?”

Sirius raised an eyebrow, a teasing smile playing on his lips. “Wow, Reg. I didn’t expect you to be such a people’s pleaser. I might have to start calling you perfect.”

“Shut up, Sirius,” Regulus muttered.

Sirius just laughed and pulled Remus by his sleeve. “Come Moony, I need a shower.”

As James drank his tea and Regulus poured himself another cup of coffee, the others started getting up, filling the cabin with the sounds of chatter and footsteps. Regulus observed every couple heading off to take a shower together and felt a bit strange. Did James expect them to do the same? They had never done it before, hell James hasn’t even seen him naked.

“Penny for your thoughts?” James gently nudged him.

Regulus hesitated, then decided to be honest. “I was just thinking… everyone seems to be taking showers together. Do you… expect us to do that?”

James looked surprised, then thoughtful. “We’ve never talked about it, have we?”

Regulus shook his head. “No, we haven’t.”

James set his tea down and took Regulus's hand. “Look, love, I don’t expect anything from you that you’re not comfortable with. If you want to try it, we can. If not, that’s perfectly fine too. Remember how we do things at our own pace?”

Regulus felt a wave of relief. “I just didn’t want to feel like I was missing something or not doing enough.”

James squeezed his hand. “You’re doing more than enough. You’re perfect.”

“And you’re sappy.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

They shared a quiet moment, drinking their morning drinks together. The hustle and bustle of their friends around them faded into the background as they focused on each other.

Regulus took a deep breath, feeling more secure. “Maybe we can try it sometime. But not now. I like our pace.”

James smiled, his eyes filled with understanding. “Whenever you’re ready, love. There’s no rush.”

Regulus leaned in and kissed James softly, feeling grateful for his patience and support. “I’m really lucky to have you.”

James grinned. “The feeling’s mutual.”

☆

After his shower, Regulus dressed himself in the comfiest clothes he had in his bag. Despite the cabin being nice and warm, it was still a new place, and he decided that it was better to approach new environments feeling the best he could. He didn’t want to take any risks.

Regulus put on his black joggers and grabbed the matching socks he had with Barty, hoping Barty would appreciate the gesture. He looked at his black turtleneck, which was his go-to option, but he didn’t feel like wearing it today.

As he wondered what to wear, James’s hoodie caught his eye. It was an atrocious red, but when Regulus touched it, the material felt perfect. It was a bit worn out, which only made it even more comfortable. He threw it on and felt the oversized hoodie embracing his body, enveloping him in warmth and the familiar scent of James.

Regulus glanced at himself in the mirror and smiled. The hoodie was oversized and ridiculous, but it made him feel closer to James. As he walked back into the living room, he saw Barty notice the matching socks.

“The snakes!” Barty exclaimed.

“The snakes!” Regulus shouted back, pointing at his feet, both of them grinning widely.

“This is day two and you already ran out of your clothes?” Evan snorted, eyeing the hoodie Regulus was wearing. “What is this?”

Regulus rolled his eyes but couldn’t hide his amusement. “It’s James’s hoodie. The colour is awful but it’s warm, so I’m borrowing it.”

Suddenly he felt warm hands settle on his shoulders. A soft chuckle escaped Regulus’s lips as James whispered in his ear, his breath sending a shiver down his spine. “Someone’s looking comfy,” James remarked, his voice low and husky.

He turned to face James, meeting his gaze with a playful glint in his eyes.

“It’s not exactly my color, but it’s surprisingly nice,” Regulus admitted, glancing down at the vibrant red fabric engulfing him.

“Well, you wear it better than I do.”

Before Regulus could respond, Barty interjected with a playful pout, drawing their attention. “Why don’t you ever let me borrow your clothes, Evan?”

Evan chuckled, leaning in to plant a quick kiss on Barty’s cheek. “Because you’d stretch them out. Besides, I like you better without any clothes on.”

Barty’s cheeks flushed pink and he couldn’t suppress his grin at Evan’s teasing remark.

Leaning in, James pressed a soft kiss to Regulus’s cheek, sending a wave of tingles through his body.

“What’s the plan for today?” Pandora asked walking to the room, her voice filled with excitement. “Can we go for a walk through the woods?”

Emmeline joined the conversation, her voice muffled by the toothbrush in her mouth. “I heard there is a lake somewhere. It is stunning when it’s frozen over. It’ll be a great opportunity for some photos.”

"Did someone say photos?" Sirius chimed in innocently, as he settled into the armchair.

Remus groaned, rolling his eyes. "Please, Emmeline, take him from me. I'm done being his private photographer."

"That's not what you said when we were taking those polaroid pictures when we-" Before Sirius could finish his sentence, Remus quickly muffled the rest of his words with his hand over his mouth, his cheeks flushing crimson.

“Ew, Sirius, I am regretting bringing you here.” Regulus sighed.

“Aw, come on, Reggie,” Sirius protested, a playful smirk tugging at his lips. “You know you love having me around.”

“First of all, don’t call me that,” he replied curtly. “And second, if you want your photos to not be in the dark, we should get going. How on earth it’s already 1 pm?”

With a collective nod of agreement, they quickly adorned themselves with coats and scarves, preparing for their outdoor adventure. The crisp winter air greeted them as they stepped outside, the sunlight dancing through the trees and casting a golden glow over the snowy landscape.

The woods stretched out before them, a tranquil oasis in the midst of winter’s embrace. The trees stood tall and majestic, their branches adorned with delicate frost. It was a scene of breathtaking beauty, and Regulus couldn’t help but feel a sense of awe as he took in the serene surroundings.

Suddenly Barty tugged on Regulus’s sleeve and whispered conspiratorially. “If I throw a snowball at Cas, who do you think she’ll blame?”

Regulus chuckled at the playful suggestion, his mind already formulating a plan. “Well, Marls is next to her, and Pandora and Xeno are in front of them, so they would be cleared immediately. I bet on Ev-”

Before Regulus could finish his sentence, a snowball soared through the air with surprising speed, striking Dorcas in the back with a soft thud.

He watched with a mixture of amusement and apprehension as she spun around, her expression a mix of confusion and indignation.

“Who did that?!” Dorcas exclaimed, her eyes scanning the group for the culprit, her breath forming small clouds in the chilly air.

Regulus glanced at Barty, who looked clearly pleased with his handiwork. He shook his head in mock disapproval, though a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “You’re going to get us all in trouble,” he muttered, trying to suppress his laughter.

Barty shrugged nonchalantly, his eyes dancing with mischief. “It was worth it for the look on her face.”

Meanwhile, Dorcas was already holding a freshly made snowball, her competitive spirit ignited as she contemplated who to retaliate against. Her gaze locked with Sirius's. “What? It wasn’t me,” he protested.

“Someone has to pay the price,” Dorcas declared with a smirk, her arm winding back as she prepared to throw.

But her aim faltered at the last moment, and the snowball flew off course, accidentally hitting Remus instead of Sirius.

“Hey, what did I do to you?” Remus laughed, his eyes twinkling with amusement as he scooped up a handful of snow in retaliation.

In a matter of seconds, the peaceful stroll through the woods had transformed into an all-out snowball fight. Laughter echoed through the trees as snowballs flew through the air, each member of the group taking cover behind trees and bushes.

Regulus found himself caught up in the excitement, ducking and weaving as he returned fire with snowballs of his own. Despite the cold biting at his cheeks and the snow seeping into his gloves, he couldn't help but feel a surge of exhilaration coursing through him.

After their snowball fight, they made their way to the lake, their cheeks flushed with exertion and laughter.

After they finished taking photos they trudged through the snow back to the cabin, the anticipation of the evening ahead filling them with excitement.

Once they returned, they shed their winter gear and began to prepare for the party. They all dressed in their most festive attire, the air buzzing with excitement as they gathered in the sitting room.

Pandora and Evan took charge of making drinks. The scent of mulled wine and spiced cider filled the air, adding to the atmosphere.

Meanwhile, Regulus joined Dorcas, Marlene and Xeno in decorating the room, hanging twinkling lights and draping garlands around the fireplace. The room soon transformed into a cozy haven.

After the final touches were put in place, they all gathered around the fireplace, but as the evening progressed, the calm and cozy atmosphere of the Christmas party gradually gave way to a full-on celebration.

The soft background tunes were soon replaced by blasting music, and the drinks flowed freely as the group let loose.

Regulus found himself swept up in the excitement, the warmth of alcohol coursing through his veins and igniting a sense of euphoria within him. He laughed and danced with his friends, losing himself in the joyous chaos of the party.

After two hours of dancing and playing drinking games, Regulus finally collapsed onto the couch, exhaustion mingling with exhilaration as he sank into the soft cushions beside Barty and Evan. He was so free and so happy.

“Hey, when did you two get together?” Remus asked, gesturing with his wine glass towards Evan and Barty.

“By the end of May,” Evan chuckled.

“Yeah, May 31st to be exact,” Barty added proudly.

Regulus laughed to himself. How could they not remember their own anniversary date?

“What’s so funny?” Remus asked curiously.

“They’re actually together from June 3rd, not May 31st,” Regulus explained, a smirk playing on his lips.

“No, we’re not,” Barty furrowed his brows in confusion.

Regulus felt the alcohol buzzing in his head, but he didn’t want to let go of his point. “No. Evan broke up with Mulciber on June 1st, and you guys got together two days later.”

There was an unexpected moment of silence. Regulus knew Evan and Barty must have felt a bit stupid, but it was just too funny for him at that time.

“What? You can’t accept that I’m better at your relationship than you?” Regulus chuckled.

“No, Reg.” Evan said slowly. “You’re right about the breaking up with Mulciber, but… we got together before that.”

“You’re joking, right?” Regulus felt his cheeks getting hotter, the alcohol intensifying his emotions.

“Why does it even matter?” Barty rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed.

Anger struck Regulus. “Why does it matter? What the fuck, Barty. Evan cheated on his boyfriend. That's something serious.”

“So what? He wanted to break up with him anyway.” Barty's tone was dismissive.

Regulus stood up, his face flushed with anger. “You can’t just justify cheating because he was planning to break up. It doesn’t work that way.”

James, noticing the escalating tension, quickly intervened. “Hey, everyone, calm down. It’s supposed to be a party, remember?”

Regulus took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. “Sorry, I just… I can’t… You fucking promised me, Barty! I fucking agreed to help you on the condition that everything would be morally okay.”

“It’s not your relationship. Why do you care?” Barty said, getting visibly angry.

“Because I care about both of you!” Regulus shot back, his voice rising. “I thought you were doing the right thing, Barty. I believed you when you said everything would be above board. This… this isn’t what I agreed to support.”

The room fell into a tense silence, everyone unsure of how to diffuse the situation. Even the festive decorations seemed to lose some of their sparkle in the face of the confrontation.

“Reg, calm down,” James said gently, trying to guide Regulus back to the couch. “Let’s not ruin the night over this.”

But Regulus pulled away, his eyes still locked on Barty. “It’s not just about ruining the night. It’s about principles. It’s about trust. You broke that, Barty. And you, Evan, you should’ve known better.”

Evan looked down, his earlier defensiveness replaced by guilt. “I know, Reg. I’m sorry. I was just… I didn’t think it through. I should have ended things properly before starting something new.”

“Damn right you should have.”

“Fuck off, Regulus, and leave him alone.” Barty stood between him and Evan, his eyes blazing with anger. “It’s not your business.”

“Not my business?! You wouldn’t be together without my help,” Regulus shouted, his frustration boiling over.

“Yeah right, everything’s thanks to you,” Barty scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“I mean, he’s not wrong,” Evan whispered, his voice barely audible but enough to catch everyone’s attention.

“See?” Regulus said, pointing at Evan, his voice firm. “Evan can admit it.”

Barty threw up his hands in exasperation. “Fine! You helped. But that doesn’t give you the right to judge us or dictate our relationship.”

“I’m not trying to dictate anything,” Regulus retorted. “I just want you to be honest and fair. If you can’t see that, then maybe you’re not ready for this.”

Barty’s face contorted with anger as he took another step closer to Regulus. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Regulus stood his ground, his eyes locked on Barty’s. “That you have no fucking morals and you think anything you want is yours to take,” he spat.

Barty’s hands clenched into fists at his sides. “You don’t know anything about me, Regulus. You don’t know what it’s like to be in my shoes.”

“And you don’t know what it’s like to actually care about the consequences of your actions,” Regulus shot back. “All you think about is yourself and what you want.”

Evan, feeling the tension escalate, tried to step in. “Guys, please. This isn’t helping.”

Barty ignored Evan, his eyes still fixed on Regulus. “You’re one to talk, Reg. You think you’re so high and mighty just because you helped us get together? Newsflash: you’re not perfect either.”

“I never said I was perfect,” Regulus replied, his voice steady. “But at least I try to do the right thing. At least I care about the people around me.”

James moved closer to Regulus, placing a calming hand on his shoulder. “Alright, let’s take a step back. You are friends, remember?”

Regulus wanted to burn the cabin to the ground.

He wanted to throw James’a hand off of him, punch Barty in the face and burn the whole place down.

“Reggie, please-”

Chapter Text

“Reggie, please—”

“Don’t touch me, Potter!” Regulus shouted, his voice echoing through the room.

James backed away in a second, his eyes wide and confused. The room fell into an uneasy silence as everyone stared at Regulus, waiting to see what would happen next.

Regulus took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. He could feel the eyes of his friends on him, their concern and confusion palpable. He clenched his fists, struggling to regain control.

“Come with me, please.” James extended his hand. Regulus didn’t want to touch him, but he turned around and heard James following him.

They put on their shoes and coats and walked out into the cold night air. James opened the door to his car and Regulus sat in the front seat, slamming the door shut behind him.

“I didn’t drink a single drop of alcohol, if you’re worried. Just wanted to let you know.” James said calmly, turning on the car and adjusting the heat.

Regulus didn’t say anything, his anger still simmering beneath the surface. He stared out the window, the trees and snow blurring together as James drove away from the cabin. He made a mental note to thank James later for reassuring him, but for now, the frustration gnawed at him.

The silence between them was thick and heavy, punctuated only by the hum of the engine and the crunch of tires on the snowy road. James kept his eyes on the road, giving Regulus the space he needed.

After a few minutes, James spoke again, his voice gentle. “You know, you’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to feel what you’re feeling.”

Regulus didn’t say anything again. He wanted to fight, to scream, but James was too sincere, too good, too gentle. The anger and frustration churned inside him, but James’s calm presence made it hard to unleash it.

He wondered if James minded that he didn’t respond, but James didn’t seem to have a problem with the silence. At least, he didn’t show it.

After a while of driving, they arrived at the frozen lake. It was the exact opposite side of where they’d been in the afternoon.

James leaned back in his seat, his gaze fixed on the moonlit lake. “You know,” he said after a long pause, “when I’m angry, I like to go somewhere quiet and scream. Maybe that’s what we both need right now.”

Regulus turned to him for the first time since they left. He studied James’s profile, illuminated by the soft glow of the moonlight reflecting off the ice. “Scream?” he asked, a hint of skepticism in his voice.

James nodded. “Yeah, it sounds ridiculous, but it helps. There’s something about just letting it all out that makes it easier to handle.”

Regulus hesitated, then unbuckled his seatbelt and stepped out of the car. The cold air hit him, sharp and bracing, cutting through the haze of alcohol and anger. He walked a few steps onto the frozen lake, feeling the crunch of snow under his boots.

James followed, standing a few feet behind him. “Give it a try,” he encouraged gently. “No one’s around. Just let it out.”

Regulus took a deep breath, feeling the tension coiled tightly in his chest. He closed his eyes, clenched his fists… but he couldn’t do it.

“Do you want me to do it with you?” James asked quietly.

“Please.”

James walked over to stand next to him. “On the count of three, okay?”

Regulus nodded in response.

“One, two… three.”

And then, with all the frustration and anger he’d been holding in, he screamed. The sound echoed across the empty lake, startling a flock of birds from the nearby trees.

He looked at James, who just smiled at him. Regulus turned back to the lake and took another breath.

“I FUCKING HATE THIS!”

“I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING WITH MY LIFE!” James screamed after him.

Regulus felt a rush of relief, like a valve had been opened inside him. He screamed again, louder this time, feeling the anger pour out of him.

“WHY DOESN’T MY MOTHER LOVE ME!”

James joined in, their voices mingling in the cold night air.

“WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SO COMPLICATED?!” Regulus shouted, his voice cracking.

“I KNOW, RIGHT?!” James yelled back, throwing his arms wide as if to embrace the chaos.

“WHY MY FRIENDS ALWAYS HAVE TO SUCK!”

“I FEAR EVERYONE WILL LEAVE ME ONE DAY!” James’s voice echoed through the stillness, raw and vulnerable.

“WHY CAN’T I JUST FEEL ENOUGH!”

“I FEEL SO MUCH AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE HALF OF IT!”

“I DON’T WANT TO DIE, BUT I’M SCARED OF LIVING!” Regulus shouted, the words tumbling out of him before he could stop them.

He screamed again, and again, until his throat felt raw and his chest heaved with the effort. When he finally stopped, he was breathless, but the knot of anger inside him had loosened.

He turned to James, his eyes brimming with tears. Unable to hold back any longer, he fell into James’s arms. The tears came in a torrent, pouring down his face as he shook with the intensity of his emotions. He felt lighter, yet somehow heavier, as if the release had made space for new feelings to surface.

James held him tightly, rubbing soothing circles on his back. “It’s okay, Reggie. Let it out. I’m here.”

Regulus clung to him, the sobs wracking his body. “I just… I don’t know what to do, Jamie. Everything’s so messed up.”

“I know,” James sniffed, and Regulus realized he was crying too.

“Please don’t leave me. You calm the storm inside me.”

He felt James’s lips press against his head. “Never. And I’m not scared of the storm, I’ve been waiting for rain my whole life.”

After a while, they pulled back slightly, still holding onto each other. James wiped away his tears with the back of his hand and gave Regulus a small, reassuring smile. “We should probably head back inside. It’s freezing out here.”

Regulus nodded, a faint smile tugging at his lips. “Yeah, let’s go back.”

As they made their way back to the cabin, the sounds of the party grew louder, the warmth and light spilling out into the night. Regulus took a deep breath, feeling more grounded and ready to face whatever came next.

Inside, the party was still in full swing, the laughter and music filling the space. Regulus spotted Barty and Evan across the room, their earlier argument a distant memory in the midst of the celebration. He hesitated for a moment, then squared his shoulders, ready to approach them.

James gave him a reassuring nod. “You’ve got this, love.”

Regulus took a step forward, feeling the strength of James’s support behind him. As he approached Barty and Evan, they turned to him, their expressions a mix of curiosity and apprehension.

“Hey,” Regulus said, his voice steady but soft. “Can we talk?”

Barty and Evan exchanged a glance, then nodded. “Yeah, let’s talk,” Evan replied.

They moved to a quieter corner of the room, away from the noise and chaos of the party. Regulus took a deep breath, feeling the weight of his emotions, but also the clarity that came from his earlier release.

“I’m sorry for how I reacted,” Regulus began. “I was angry and hurt, and I didn’t handle it well. But I care about you both.”

Evan looked down, a flicker of guilt in his eyes. “We’re sorry too, Reg. The choices we make about our relationship are well… ours to make, but it wasn’t fair that we made you believe something that wasn’t true.”

Regulus smiled weakly, feeling the tension start to ease. “Thanks, Ev,” he said, his voice soft but sincere. He then turned his eyes to Barty, who was avoiding his gaze.

“Ouch, wanker!” Barty yelped suddenly, rubbing his calf where Evan had kicked him. “What was that for?”

“Say something,” Evan muttered, his eyes urging Barty to speak up.

Barty rolled his eyes, his posture still defensive. “This is unnecessary official, can’t we just be?” He sighed heavily. “I feel like I need to walk on eggshells around you, Reg.”

Regulus took a deep breath, trying to not let his frustration take over again. “Barty, I don’t want to fight with you. I just want you to see my side for a second. I want you to try to understand where I’m coming from and why it matters to me. I want us to be mates and be casual with each other, but that can’t happen if we don’t talk about what’s going on at least once.”

Barty’s expression softened slightly as he considered Regulus’s words. “Alright, alright,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “I get it. You’re right. I didn’t care about your feelings and I was just happy I got together with Evan. That was not okay. And it’s hard to say out loud, but I know it.”

Evan nodded in agreement. “We’re sorry, Reg. And I know cheating is awful. But I just don’t exactly know what can be done if that already happened.

“I don’t know either, I guess it’s good that you know it.” Regulus answered truthfully.

“So we’re good?” Barty asked, his eyes searching Regulus’s face for any lingering resentment.

“We’re good,” Regulus said with a small smile. Barty sighed in relief and left to pour himself another drink.

Regulus then turned to Evan, who was staring at the floor.

“Do you hate me?” Evan asked weakly. “Okay, I know you don’t. But do you think I’m a bad person?”

Regulus sighed, feeling the weight of Evan’s question. He shook his head. “No, Ev. I don’t hate you, and I don’t think you’re a bad person. I just think you made a bad decision.”

Evan looked up, his eyes filled with uncertainty. “I know I messed up. I should have ended things properly with Mulciber before getting involved with Barty. It’s something I regret. I just broke up with him in my mind weeks before that, but I know it doesn’t justify what I did.”

Regulus guided Evan to the couch and sat next to him. “What’s important is that you recognize it. You will not suddenly stop being my best friend. I was mad… Honestly, I still am a bit. But I guess I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at the situation, at the actions that were made.”

Evan nodded slowly, a small smile forming on his lips. “So you still want to be my friend?”

Regulus chuckled. “Ev, I never said I didn’t want to be your friend.”

“Okay, I was just checking.”

Regulus looked around the room, then back at Evan. “Do you want to play Codenames?”

Evan’s eyes sparkled with excitement. “Yes, please. Can we be on the same team?”

“Of course,” Regulus replied with a grin.

They gathered the others who wanted to play too and set up the game. James, noticing the change in atmosphere, quickly joined in to help shuffle the cards, but said he wants to sit this one out. He gave Regulus kiss on the cheek and joined Remus in the other side of the room.

They decided on two teams: Pandora, Xeno, and Sirius on one team, with Evan, Regulus, and Dorcas on the other.

As they played, the tension from earlier in the evening fully melted away. Regulus truly had a great time and saw Evan did too.

“Okay, the next round we are changing teams,” Dorcas declared, rolling her eyes. “Pandora and Xeno are using some magic tricks or speaking a secret language. There is no way they are not cheating.”

“You’re just mad because you’re losing,” Sirius retorted, sticking his tongue out at her.

“You’re not even doing anything!” Dorcas laughed. “They’re playing the game for you.”

“And I still win,” Sirius grinned smugly.

Regulus chuckled at the exchange, feeling lighter than he had all evening. “Alright, new teams then?”

“Oh okay,” Pandora agreed and gave Xeno a kiss. “You are gonna lose without me,” she added with a smirk.

“You’re good?” Regulus whispered to Evan.

“Yeah, it’s okay.” Evan smiled.

They shuffled the teams around. Regulus found himself paired with Sirius and Pandora, while Evan teamed up with Xeno and Dorcas.

“This is much better,” Dorcas said, grinning as she successfully guessed one of Xeno’s clues. “We will crush you.”

“Don’t get too confident,” Sirius teased. “We’ve got a secret weapon on our side.”

“Who, you?” Regulus laughed. “I’ve never met anyone that shitty at this game as you.”

“It’s a cover-up,” Sirius said with a wink. “They never know what I’m going to do next.”

“I know. You’re gonna lose.” Regulus rolled his eyes. “Also they don’t need to know. I need to know. Do you know the rules? Blow your cover and start playing because we’re not going to lose.”

Pandora chuckled, shaking her head. “Alright, boys, let’s focus. We’ve got this.”

Few rounds later Sirius dramatically flopped onto the couch after making a particularly bad guess, eliciting groans and laughter from both teams. “I told you, it’s all part of the strategy.”

Regulus rolled his eyes again, though he couldn’t hide his grin. “Just try to guess something that makes sense, alright?”

As the game continued, the playful banter and friendly rivalry filled the room with warmth. Dorcas, Xeno and Evan proved to be a formidable team, but Pandora and Regulus’s competitive spirit kept the game neck-and-neck.

“Final round,” Xeno announced, eyes twinkling with excitement.

“Bring it on,” Regulus said, feeling the thrill of competition.

Regulus watched as Sirius struggled to make sense of Pandora’s hints, his expressions a mix of confusion and determination.

“Come on, Sirius,” Pandora urged, leaning forward. “You’ve got this.”

Sirius’s eyes lit up, and he put their last card on the correct answer, much to the surprise of everyone. “See? Told you it’s all part of the plan.”

Pandora high-fived Sirius as Regulus laughed. “Alright, I’ll admit, that was impressive.”

After packing up the game, they all settled next to the fireplace.

Regulus felt arms wrap around him and turned to see James, looking at him with a soft smile. “Bed? I’m tired, and you must be too.”

Regulus nodded, feeling a surge of gratitude for James’s steady presence. “Yeah, bed.”

James effortlessly picked him up, and Regulus wrapped his arms around James's neck, feeling the strength and warmth of his embrace. He closed his eyes, the exhaustion from the emotional evening catching up with him, and felt himself drifting away even before they reached their room.

Once inside, James gently set Regulus down and they both changed into more comfortable clothes. Regulus’s movements were slow and heavy, his mind still processing the events of the night. After they both got ready for bed, James pulled Regulus close under the covers, wrapping him in a protective embrace. He stroked Regulus’s cheek with his thumb, his touch gentle and reassuring.

“I am so proud of you, baby boy,” James whispered.

Regulus furrowed his brows in confusion, not fully understanding.

“Don’t look at me like that.” James chuckled softly, a sound that sent warmth through Regulus’s chest. “You did so well tonight. You handled a lot of emotions, and you let me help you.”

“Stop it,” Regulus mumbled, feeling his cheeks heat up. He didn’t feel like he deserved so much praise.

James responded by leaning in and pressing a tender kiss to each of Regulus’s flushed cheeks. “And you are so pretty when you’re flustered.” James smiled, his eyes shining with affection.

Regulus tried to hide his face in James’s chest, his embarrassment making him want to disappear, but James gently lifted his chin, forcing Regulus to look into his eyes. The intensity of James's gaze was both grounding and overwhelming.

“Reggie, baby. You handled everything tonight with so much strength. It’s okay to let people in, to let them help you.“

Regulus sighed, feeling the warmth of James's words seep into his bones. “Jamie, but you’re the one who helped. I should be showering you with praises.”

“Ah, and here you are wrong,” James whispered, his voice firm yet tender. “If you think someone deserves to be praised too, it doesn’t mean your achievements fade away.”

Regulus snuggled closer, feeling the safety and comfort of James’s presence envelop him. “Thank you, Jamie. For everything.”

James held him tighter, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Sleep now, Reggie. We’ll face everything together tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” Regulus murmured, his eyes fluttering shut as he let the exhaustion take over.

“Wait.” Regulus suddenly opened his eyes, a surge of urgency in his voice. “Jamie, you are my everything and I’ll never ever leave you. Okay?”

James looked at him, startled for a second. “Okay,” he finally responded, his voice soft and full of emotion.

“And you are so good. You have no idea how. You are so good that you are actually the best.”

Regulus blinked as he realised what he said. He definitely was capable of complimenting James wish more constructive words, but his mid was so fuzzy from all the James’s praises and all the emotions wearing off, he hoped that would be okay.

James's eyes glistened with unshed tears, and he pulled Regulus even closer. “Thank you, baby. That means more to me than you know.”

Regulus could feel the sincerity in James’s words, and it made his heart swell with love and gratitude. He wrapped his arms around James tighter, burying his face in his chest. The rhythm of James’s heartbeat against his ear was the most comforting sound in the world.

James stroked Regulus's hair gently, his fingers threading through the soft strands. “You’re my everything too, Reggie. I can’t imagine my life without you.”

They lay there in silence for a few moments, simply enjoying the warmth and comfort of each other’s presence.

“I feel safe with you, Jamie,” Regulus whispered, his voice barely audible. “Like everything is going to be okay as long as you’re here.”

“And it will be, Reggie.”

Regulus felt his eyelids grow heavy once more, the exhaustion finally catching up with him. “Goodnight, Jamie,” he murmured, his voice filled with contentment.

“Goodnight, Reggie,” James replied, his voice a soothing lullaby. “Sweet dreams.”

As Regulus drifted into sleep, he felt a profound sense of contentment. And for the first time in a long while, he felt truly at peace.

☆

He woke up feeling strange. Everything was technically okay, but an inexplicable urge gnawed at him. He felt a rising annoyance with himself; why was he ruining a perfectly good trip with this compulsion to harm himself? There was no logical explanation, and he hated it.

But then he felt James’s warm body against his, and the reminder of the promise he made to James ran through his mind. But was telling James, when he had fun and other things on his mind, also part of the deal?

He decided to act before he changed his mind. “Jamie,” he shook him lightly.

James opened his eyes and reached for his glasses. “Hi, love,” he asked gently as he put them on. “Is everything alright?”

“I—” Regulus’s voice got trapped in his throat.

James propped himself up on one elbow, his concern evident. “Hey, it’s okay. Take your time. What’s going on?”

Regulus swallowed hard, feeling a lump of fear and shame in his throat. “I’m… I’m not okay,” he finally managed to say, his voice barely above a whisper.

James’s eyes softened, and he moved closer, wrapping an arm around Regulus. “Talk to me, Reggie. What’s wrong?”

“I feel… I feel the urge to hurt myself,” Regulus admitted, his voice shaking. “And I hate it. I don’t want to ruin our time here, but it’s there, and it’s so hard to ignore. And I promised to take tell you if that happens, so it’s happening and I’m telling you.”

James pulled Regulus closer, his grip firm but gentle. “Thank you for telling me,” he said, his voice filled with love and concern. “You’re not ruining anything. You’re doing the right thing by talking to me about it.”

Regulus took a shaky breath, feeling both relieved and terrified. “But what if it doesn’t go away? What if I can’t stop it?”

“We’ll find a way to get through it,” James reassured him.

Regulus felt a tear slip down his cheek, and James wiped it away with his thumb. “I don’t want to disappoint you,” Regulus whispered.

“You could never disappoint me, Reggie,” James said softly. “I’m here for you, no matter what. We’ll take it one moment at a time, okay?”

Regulus nodded, feeling a mix of fear and hope. “Okay.”

James kissed his forehead, his lips lingering for a moment. “We’ll get through this. I promise. Do you want to stay here, or go outside for some fresh air?”

“Maybe some fresh air would help,” Regulus replied, his voice steadier.

“Alright,” James said, helping him out of bed. “Let’s get dressed and take a walk. We’ll figure this out together.”

As they dressed and stepped outside, the cool morning air hit Regulus’s face, and he felt a small sense of relief. James held his hand tightly, his presence a comforting anchor in the storm of Regulus’s thoughts. They walked in silence for a while, the sounds of nature around them soothing and grounding.

James finally broke the silence. “You’re incredibly brave, you know that?”

Regulus looked at him, a small smile forming despite his turmoil. “I don’t feel brave.”

“But you are,” James insisted. “Facing your fears and talking about them is one of the bravest things you can do. And I’m so proud of you for it.”

“But I don’t understand it. I am having fun. Everything is great. I have you. Why do I feel this way?”

James stopped and looked at him with gentle concern. “Baby, you are aware that you are depressed, right?”

“Yeah, no need to remind me,” Regulus rolled his eyes, trying to deflect the discomfort he felt.

“Well, maybe I do need to remind you,” James smiled warmly. “Depression doesn’t just go away when things are good. It’s unfair and shitty and awful that you still feel this way despite everything and I wish I could take it away, but it isn’t weird or strange.”

Regulus didn’t know what to say, but fortunately, James continued.

“And also, given the fact that you’re still working on accepting that good things can happen to you and that you deserve them, it’s not odd to feel this sudden urge to sabotage a good moment. It’s part of the process, love.”

Regulus looked down, feeling a mix of frustration and relief. “I hate that it’s like this. I want to enjoy things without this constant shadow.”

“I know, Reggie. And you will get there. But for now, it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. It’s okay to lean on me and to talk about it.”

Regulus nodded, taking a deep breath. “Thank you.”

James kissed his forehead and they continued their walk, hand in hand.

As they walked, James started talking about random things—the plans for the day, memories from their past, and silly jokes that made Regulus smile. The heaviness in Regulus’s heart began to lift, and he found comfort in the simplicity of the moment.

By the time they returned to the cabin, Regulus felt more grounded.

“Jamie,” he said softly as they stepped inside. “You know that you can talk to me too, right? I feel like we are only fighting my battles.”

James smiled, pulling him into a hug. “Baby, that’s because you think your problems are this big cloud covering everything. They are not. And you help me all the time. Do I need to remind you that we write my dissertation twice a week?”

“But that’s not—”

“Don’t you even try to belittle the help you give me,” James interrupted, his tone firm yet loving. “You’re there for me in ways you don’t even realize. Your support, your insights, even your presence—it means everything to me.”

Regulus sighed, his brow furrowing slightly. “I just… I want to be there for you as much as you are for me. I don’t want it to be one-sided.”

James stroked Regulus’s cheek with his thumb, his eyes filled with warmth. “Reggie, it’s not one-sided. Relationships are about balance, and we have that. We support each other in different ways, and that’s okay. What matters is that we’re here for each other.”

Regulus nodded, feeling the truth in James’s words. “I just needed to hear that, I guess. Thank you.”

James leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to Regulus’s lips. “Anytime, love. Do you want to sleep a bit more? I think we have about two hours before everyone will start getting up.”

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

Chapter Text

When they both got up, James had a weirdly happy grin on his face. At first, Regulus didn’t even bother to think about it, still feeling a bit antsy. But after they ate breakfast, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. “Okay, what are you thinking about?” Regulus finally asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

James chuckled to himself and leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to Regulus’s cheek. “Love, how do you feel about leaving for a few hours?”

“What?” Regulus asked confused. “Where are we going?”

James’s eyes sparkled with excitement. “I had an idea for a date that might be a good distraction for you, but I need to know if you even want us to leave the cabin for most of the day.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow, intrigued but cautious. “What kind of distraction?”

James’s grin widened. “It’s a surprise, but I promise it’ll be worth it. Just trust me on this one.”

Regulus felt his curiosity deepen, but a sliver of anxiety tugged at him. “Wait here, okay?” he said and quickly went to find Sirius.

He bumped into him as he was walking toward his room. “Oh, I was just looking for you. I have a question.”

“You seem a bit tense,” Sirius observed, his eyes scanning Regulus with concern. “What’s going on?”

“Well yeah, I am a bit tense,” Regulus admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “James said he has an idea for the two of us to spend the day, but I don’t want you feeling uncomfortable with just my friends here.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Sirius said with a reassuring smile. “I have Moony.”

“Are you sure?” Regulus pressed, the knot in his stomach loosening slightly at the mention of Remus.

“Yeah, besides, James already told me what you’ll be doing,” Sirius grinned, his eyes twinkling with the same excitement as James’s.

“What?” Regulus blinked in surprise. “When?”

“Oh, baby brother,” Sirius said, ruffling Regulus’s hair. “You’ll have to accept that me and your boyfriend share a brain. We do our mischief together.”

Regulus massaged his temples, feeling a mix of exasperation and affection. “Okay, now I don’t know if I want to go.”

“Stop moping and get ready. I’m sure you’ll like it,” Sirius encouraged, giving Regulus a gentle push.

Regulus sighed but felt a bit more at ease. He returned to James, who was waiting patiently, his grin widening as he saw Regulus approach.

“Everything sorted?” James asked, his eyes full of warmth.

“Yeah, Sirius said he’s fine and that you two share a brain,” Regulus replied, rolling his eyes.

James laughed. “He’s not wrong. Now come on, we have a whole day planned ahead.”

They bundled up and headed out to the car. The drive was filled with light conversation and the occasional teasing from James about the surprise. Regulus couldn’t help but feel excitement and nervousness, wondering what James had planned.

After about an hour and a half of winding roads and James’s cryptic hints, James finally told him to close his eyes.

"Trust me, love," James said with a playful smile as he helped Regulus out of the car. Regulus squeezed James’s hand and allowed himself to be led, the anticipation making his heart race.

"Okay, open your eyes," James said softly.

Regulus opened his eyes and found himself standing before the grand entrance of an impressive aquarium building. His eyes widened with delight, a gasp escaping his lips. “James, is this…?”

James beamed, clearly pleased with Regulus’s reaction. “I thought it would be a unique and calming way for us to spend few hours.”

The ticket area was adorned with aquatic-themed decorations, setting the tone for the underwater adventure that awaited them. The sound of water and soft, ambient music added to the serene atmosphere.

Regulus’s heart swelled with gratitude and affection. “You are amazing, Jamie. Thank you.”

As they entered, the anticipation grew with every step they took. The soft sounds of water gradually enveloped them, creating an atmosphere of tranquility and excitement. The interior revealed a stunning world of aquatic exhibits, vibrant and teeming with life.

“I’ve never been to an aquarium before. This is exciting,” Regulus said, his voice filled with awe as they entered the main hall. The sheer scale of the underwater landscapes left him in wonder.

Hand in hand, they meandered through tunnels surrounded by glass tanks, their senses captivated by the vibrant colors and graceful movements of marine creatures. Sharks glided overhead, schools of fish swirled in mesmerizing patterns, and jellyfish floated ethereally in illuminated tanks.

Regulus was mesmerized by the grandeur of the exhibits, his eyes wide with wonder. “This is incredible,” he whispered, his breath fogging the glass as he leaned closer to a tank filled with brightly colored coral and fish.

James smiled, watching Regulus with adoration. “I knew you’d love it. I wanted to give you a day where you could just relax and be amazed.”

Regulus's senses were overwhelmed by the sights and sounds of the underwater world. The vibrant colors of the fish, the gentle sway of the seaweed, and the soft gurgle of the water filled him with a childlike wonder that he hadn't felt in years.

His heart danced with excitement, urging him to almost press his face against the glass and immerse himself in the captivating scenes before him. It felt as if James, intentionally or not, was offering him a cherished piece of his lost childhood, a chance to embrace the innocence and joy that had long been buried beneath the weight of adulthood.

But amidst the awe-inspiring spectacle, a small voice of self-consciousness crept into Regulus’s mind. He was still an adult, with responsibilities and expectations to uphold. He should have been more composed, more reserved in his reactions.

The twinge of embarrassment threatened to dampen his enthusiasm, reminding him of the need to conform.

“Is everything okay?” James asked, his voice filled with concern. “You were so happy seconds ago, but now you look worried.”

Regulus turned to James, a faint furrow creasing his brow. “I’m sorry, I just realised I should probably be more composed.”

“I don’t think I understand,” James said, his eyes searching Regulus's face.

Regulus huffed, feeling embarrassment creeping up his neck. “Because I’m an adult, James. I should act mature, not like a child. I need to rein in my excitement and be more serious.”

“But why?” James asked, genuine confusion in his eyes.

Regulus shifted uncomfortably, struggling to articulate his thoughts. “Because… Because I’m not supposed to act silly or immature. People will judge me if they see me acting like a child.”

James raised an eyebrow. “But who says adults can’t embrace their inner child? And why should you care what others think?”

Regulus sighed, his shoulders slumping. “It’s just… It’s just how it is. I need to fix myself.”

James took his hand and in so led him to a secluded bench, away from the bustling crowds. “Love, it’s like you’re standing guard over this little Reggie inside you, shielding him from the world and telling him not to act out because he might get hurt. But you don’t need to protect him from happiness. You’re the one hurting him by not letting him be himself.”

Regulus drooped his head and sighed, avoiding James’s gaze. The weight of self-consciousness pressed down on him, each breath heavier than the last.

“Can you close your eyes for me, love?” James asked softly, his voice a gentle caress against the turmoil in Regulus’s mind.

Regulus raised his eyebrows skeptically, uncertainty swirling within him. But how could he deny James?

“Can you imagine little Reggie?” James continued.

Regulus reluctantly obeyed, closing his eyes and allowing his mind to conjure the image.

He saw a young boy with short black hair, his wide eyes filled with a mixture of curiosity and apprehension. The boy stood before him, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt and casting nervous glances around him.

“Do you see him?” James’s voice broke through Regulus’s thoughts, pulling him back to the present moment. He nodded slowly, his mind still grappling with the significance of this exercise.

“Now, tell me, how does he look? What expression does he have?” James asked, his voice soft but penetrating.

Regulus hesitated, his mind’s eye painting a vivid picture of his younger self. “He looks… apprehensive, like he’s not sure what to expect,” he replied, his voice tinged with empathy.

“And how does he feel? Is he happy, excited, scared?” James probed further.

Regulus paused, searching for the right words to describe the emotions swirling within the imaginary boy. “He feels… uncertain, but there’s a glimmer of excitement in his eyes, like he’s eager to explore but afraid of what he might find,” he answered slowly.

“Now, tell me, do you think he should stop acting foolish, that he should grow up and stop being silly?” James asked, his voice gentle yet insistent.

Regulus felt a lump form in his throat as he considered the question.

“James, this is stupid,” Regulus muttered, his voice tinged with frustration and discomfort.

“You don’t have to say anything out loud. It’s in your head. If you think that he should calm down, tell him”.

Regulus hesitated, but as he looked into the boy’s eyes, he found himself unable to utter the words that would extinguish the spark of joy within him.

“I can’t,” Regulus whispered, his voice barely audible above the tumult of emotions swirling within him. “I can’t say that to him.”

“You don’t have to,” James reassured him. “But you’re saying that to him subconsciously.”

Regulus looked at the boy again, into his big eyes.

“Do you want to do something else, say something else? If you want, you can do it. You don’t have to tell me.”

He slowly approached the boy, his heart swelling with compassion and understanding. Crouching down beside him, he met the boy’s curious gaze with a tender smile, reaching out to envelop him in a warm embrace.

“You’re allowed to be happy, to be excited, to feel joy without worrying about what others might think,” Regulus whispered softly to the boy’s ear. “Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You’re perfect just the way you are.”

As he spoke, he felt a sense of peace wash over him, the weight of self-doubt and insecurity gradually lifting from his shoulders.

When he opened his eyes, he felt lighter, the burden of judgment and expectation no longer weighing him down.

James watched him with pride and admiration, his eyes shining with unspoken adoration and support. Regulus chuckled softly, feeling a wave of emotion wash over him as he realised his cheeks were wet from tears.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“I can’t stop,” James replied. “I love you.”

The words hung in the air and Regulus felt his heart lurch in his chest, a kaleidoscope of feelings swirling within him. He had dreamt of hearing those words, yearned for them in the depths of his soul, but now that they were here, he couldn't quite believe it.

As James spoke, his voice soft and tender, Regulus felt as if the world around them had faded into insignificance. All that mattered was the man sitting before him, his gaze unwavering, his love unconditional.

For a moment, Regulus was paralyzed, caught between the ecstasy of joy and the fear of vulnerability. Could he truly allow himself to believe in this moment, to accept the love that James offered so freely?

But then James smiled, a radiant beam that illuminated the darkness of Regulus's doubts. It was a smile filled with warmth and affection, a silent promise of forever.

“I love you too,” Regulus whispered, the words a confession and a prayer all at once. He could feel the weight of them, heavy with the weight of his heart, but also lighter than air.

And then James kissed him, his lips soft against Regulus's own, a gentle caress that sent shivers down his spine. In that moment, all of Regulus's fears and insecurities melted away, leaving only the overwhelming certainty that he was exactly where he was meant to be.

James’s arms wrapped around Regulus, pulling him closer, the kiss deepening as their emotions intertwined. It was as if the world had shrunk to just the two of them, and nothing else mattered.

When they finally pulled apart, James rested his forehead against his, their breaths mingling with each other in the small space between them. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to say that,” James whispered.

Regulus chuckled softly, his own heart still racing. “I think I have an idea.”

“I love you,” James said again, as if he couldn’t say it enough, each repetition a reaffirmation of his feelings.

“I love you too, Jamie. More than I can ever put into words.”

James’s smile widened, and he leaned in to press another soft kiss to Regulus’s lips, a silent promise of many more to come. They sat there for a while, holding each other, basking in the warmth of their newfound declarations.

Finally, James pulled back slightly, still holding Regulus’s hand. “Let’s go explore the rest of the aquarium. There’s so much more to see.”

Regulus nodded, a genuine smile spreading across his face. The warmth of James’s hand in his felt grounding, a tether to something safe and constant. As they moved deeper into the aquarium, he felt a surge of childlike wonder bubbling within him again. This time, he decided to let go.

He hurried ahead, pressing his face against the glass of a particularly mesmerizing tank filled with colorful coral and darting fish. The vibrant colors and fluid movements captivated him, and he laughed, a pure, unrestrained sound that echoed through the dimly lit corridor. It was a sound he hadn’t heard from himself in a long time, and it felt both strange and liberating.

James joined him at the glass. “See anything interesting?” he asked.

Regulus pointed to a tiny, vibrant fish zipping around a piece of coral. “Look at that one! It’s so fast!” His voice was filled with excitement, the words spilling out before he could second-guess them.

James chuckled. “It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

Regulus nodded vigorously, his eyes wide with delight. As he absorbed the beauty and tranquility of the underwater world, a warm, fuzzy sensation spread through his chest. The intensity of his happiness was almost overwhelming, making him feel light and a bit dizzy. For a moment, it scared him. This level of joy was foreign, almost unsettling in its unfamiliarity. He hesitated, glancing at James with a flicker of uncertainty.

James must have noticed the change in Regulus’s expression, because he gently squeezed his hand, offering silent reassurance. “You’re doing great, love,” he said softly. “It’s okay to feel this way. You deserve to be happy.”

Regulus took a deep breath, letting James’s words sink in. He looked around, taking in the vibrant, mesmerizing world around him. James’s pride in him was palpable, a strength that bolstered his resolve to embrace this moment fully.

His excitement grew with each new display. He marveled at the graceful movements of stingrays, giggled at the antics of playful sea otters, and stood in awe before a massive tank housing a majestic shark.

The aquarium’s atmosphere, with its soft lighting and the gentle sounds of water, wrapped around him like a comforting blanket. Regulus found himself laughing more freely and he felt like he was rediscovering a part of himself he had long buried—a part that could find joy in the simplest things without fear or reservation.

“You’re amazing, Reggie,” James said quietly, his voice filled with emotion. “Seeing you happy makes me the happiest person in the world.”

He looked at James, his heart overflowing with love and gratitude. “This was the best surprise ever,” he said softly.

James smiled, his eyes twinkling with joy. “I’m glad you liked it, love. You deserve all the happiness in the world.”

Regulus leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to James’s lips. “With you, I have it,” he whispered, feeling the truth of those words deep in his soul.

After they walked through the whole exhibition, James pulled Regulus by his sleeve in the direction of the gift shop. “Come on, I love gift shops. I really want to look at cool magnets and you can make fun of the over-the-top t-shirts.”

“Okay,” Regulus rolled his eyes but followed James willingly.

As they stepped inside, Regulus immediately went to a rack of t-shirts featuring garish, cartoonish sea creatures. He picked one up, holding it out to James. “Look at this. Who would actually wear this? There is no way anyone, and I mean anyone, buys these.”

James grinned, taking the shirt from Regulus’s hands and holding it against himself as if considering it. “I might,” he said with a wink. “It’s fashionably questionable, which makes it perfect.”

Regulus shook his head, a smile tugging at his lips. “I will never be seen in public with you if you do that. No, actually in private too.”

They wandered through the aisles, James excitedly pointing out various trinkets and souvenirs.

James stopped at a display of magnets, picking up one shaped like a shark. “This is going on the fridge,” he declared, holding it up for Regulus to see.

Regulus raised an eyebrow. “You really think you need a shark magnet?”

James nodded enthusiastically. “Absolutely. It’s a reminder of today, of all the fun we had.”

Regulus decided not to argue with that.

They continued browsing, each finding small items that caught their interest. Regulus picked up a delicate seashell keychain, running his fingers over its smooth surface. It was simple and quite elegant for a gift shop souvenir. He kept it in his hand as he moved to the next aisle. Maybe he deserved a small souvenir treat too.

As they wandered deeper into the shop, Regulus stumbled across a shelf with various plush toys. At first, he was about to dismiss it, but the array of soft, cuddly creatures looked so inviting that he couldn’t resist reaching out to touch one of the plushies. His fingers sank into the plush surface, and a wave of sensory pleasure washed over him. The fabric was incredibly soft, almost velvety, and it was sensory heaven.

He felt an irrational urge to rub his face against the plushie, to fully immerse himself in its comforting softness. A childlike excitement bubbled up inside him again, but it was quickly followed by a surge of self-consciousness. He needed to put a boundary somewhere.

“What are you looking at?” he felt James’s hand on his shoulder.

“Nothing, let’s move on,” Regulus replied quickly, trying to put the plush toy back on the shelf.

“Hey hey, relax, love.” James stroked his cheek gently and picked up the plush octopus Regulus had just put down and held it up.

“Wow it’s so soft,” he gasped.

“Duh, it’s a plushie.” Regulus sighed and tried to walk away but James started nudging him with the octopus. “See, she already likes you.”

Regulus felt a strange mix of embarrassment and longing. The plush toy was so soft, and he desperately wanted to hold it again. “It’s… it’s really soft, I like the softness,” he admitted reluctantly.

“Then keep it,” James said simply. “There’s nothing wrong with enjoying something that makes you happy.”

Regulus hesitated, his fingers twitching slightly as he reached for the plush toy. He took it from James, holding it close to his chest. The softness was even more comforting than he had imagined, and he couldn’t help but smile, a genuine, unrestrained smile that lit up his entire face.

As they continued to browse the shop, Regulus found himself clutching the plush octopus tightly. Each time he glanced at it, a wave of warmth and comfort washed over him. It was like holding a piece of happiness, a tangible reminder that it was okay to let go and enjoy the simple pleasures in life.

They eventually made their way to the checkout, where James insisted on buying the shark magnet, the key chain and the plush octopus. Regulus tried to protest, but James wouldn’t hear it. “Consider it a gift,” he said with a grin. “A reminder of today.”

As they drove back to the cabin, Regulus was stroking his plush octopus, focusing on the calming softness. The repetitive motion was soothing, and he found himself lost in the comforting sensation. But as the landscape blurred by outside the window, a sudden realization struck him like a dagger to the heart.

“Jamie,” he spoke weakly, his voice barely audible over the hum of the car engine. “We need to get back to the aquarium and return the octopus. I-I can’t have it.”

James slowed down the car, glancing at Regulus with concern before pulling over to the roadside. He put the car in park and turned to face him fully. “What are you talking about? You want it.”

Regulus looked down at the plush octopus in his lap, hugging it tighter as if he could protect it from the reality he was about to share. “I know, but I can’t have it. Mother goes through my room regularly, and I’m sure if she finds her, she’ll mock me, say I’m too old, spending money on useless things or, worse, throw her away.” His voice cracked, and he hugged the octopus like it was his last chance to do so.

James’s expression softened, his eyes filling with empathy and sadness. “Oh, Reggie…” he murmured, reaching out to cup his face. “That’s… that’s so sad. I hate that you have to go through that.” He sighed, clearly struggling to find the right words. “I really want to talk about it and hug you a lot, but we’re not in the best position to do that right now. Although, I think I have a solution.”

Regulus looked up, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. “What solution?”

“What if your octopus stays at my flat? She’ll be there every time you visit. I know it’s probably not the best solution, but it’s the only one I have right now.”

Regulus’s heart ached at the thought of leaving the plush toy behind, but the idea of having a safe place for it—a place where he could visit and feel that same comfort—was a small consolation. He swallowed hard, trying to keep his emotions in check. “I… I think that could work,” he said softly. “But what if… what if I need to comfort myself and I can’t come over?”

James’s gaze was steady and filled with determination. “Then we’ll find a way to make it work. Maybe you could have something smaller to keep on you, something similarly soothing. And whenever you feel you want a big comfort, you just tell me, and I’ll make sure you can come over. No matter what.”

Regulus nodded slowly, the tension in his chest easing slightly. “That sounds good. Thank you, Jamie,” he whispered.

James pulled him into a tight hug, the steering wheel probably pressing uncomfortably against his side, but neither of them cared. “You don’t have to thank me, Reggie. I love you, and I want to make sure you’re happy. Always.”

“I love you too,” he whispered back, his voice trembling. “More than you know.”

“You deserve to have things that make you happy, Reggie. And we’ll make sure you do, one way or another.”

Regulus nodded, a small, genuine smile playing on his lips.

James grinned, giving him a quick kiss before starting the car again. “The octopus will have a great home at my flat, I promise.”

As they got back on the road Regulus started laughing, suddenly realising how strange their conversation would sound to a passerby. “We are talking about it like it’s a real living thing. That’s so silly.”

“Clearly, it’s already a comfort object for you, so we treat it seriously, but yeah, it sounds funny.”

Regulus relaxed back into his seat. “I can’t thank you enough. For understanding and for making me feel… normal about this.”

James reached over and squeezed Regulus’s hand. “There’s nothing wrong with finding comfort in things, love. Everyone has their ways of coping and finding joy. Yours just happens to be an adorable octopus.”

“Shut up,” Regulus crossed his arms, but still smiled.

“How do you think they spend their day?”

“I have no idea,” James replied. “I muted our conversation for the day, but neither Sirius nor Moony called, so I think they survived.”

“Bummer. If they didn’t, we would have the cabin to ourselves.”

“Reggie…”

“What? I’m just saying.”

James shook his head, smiling.

“You said you love me, you can’t take it back now,” Regulus said, leaning in closer.

James smiled, his eyes twinkling with affection. “I’m not planning to.”

As they neared the cabin, Regulus glanced at James, a thought suddenly occurring to him. “Do you think they’ll notice the octopus?”

James shrugged. “If they do, so what? We’ll just tell them your amazing boyfriend got you a souvenir, which is true by the way.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“Or better. Let’s just say I won it in a competition or like in one of those booths with games. I’m gonna sound so cool.”

“James… please. Nobody will believe that.”

“Sirius will!”

“That’s because my brother’s delusional.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

As they pulled up to the cabin, the front door opened, and Sirius and Remus stepped out, looking relieved.

“There you two are!” Sirius called out. “We were starting to wonder if you got lost.”

“Was there any drama?” Regulus asked tentatively.

Remus and Sirius looked at each other.

“Nothing major, although you could have warned us Evan and Barty are the type of people who jump at each other’s throats and then kiss and makeup few hours later.” Remus sighed.

“More than fuck and makeup- oh hey Evan.” Regulus smiled as Even joined them outside.

“I’m stealing you now, you spend enough time with your boyfriend. Now it’s my time.” Evan smiled and pulled him inside.

Chapter Text

It’s only a few hours, Regulus repeated to himself like a mantra. It truly amazed him how he could appreciate or even like the Christmas atmosphere, but hate the actual Christmas Eve.

The only good thing about Christmas Eve was that Mother was more annoyed with their family than with him. And Regulus would take that small win.

Mother had been irritated since the morning because it was their turn to host the dinner. Of course, she didn’t really cook; she ordered the special Christmas menu from restaurants, but Regulus guessed it was still somehow stressful for her.

He wandered into the living room and looked at the decorated tree, the silver ornaments reflecting in the Christmas lights. He loved dressing up the tree. Although Mother always insisted that buying a real tree was a waste of money and cleaning the needles was infuriating, every year they ended up with a real tree. It was a strange, unspoken tradition.

Dressing it up was one of the rare moments of peace he shared with Mother. He would play Christmas music—Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, and some classical carols—and he and Mother would dress the tree up. There was no speaking, just music, and Regulus was able to forget about all the things that were wrong with his relationship with Mother.

He remembered how, as a child, he would be in awe of the twinkling lights and the beautiful ornaments.

There was one delicate glass bauble from Paris, with intricate gold leafing that Mother treasured. He recalled how he had accidentally knocked it off the tree when he was six. He had been terrified of her reaction, but instead of anger, she had just sighed and cleaned up the mess. She looked more sad than angry. It was one of the few times she had shown him leniency, and it had stuck with him.

Regulus suddenly remembered the handmade decorations he and Sirius had made when they were younger. He quickly walked to his room and found one of Sirius's old stars hidden between some notes in a cabinet. It was slightly bent but still vibrant. A small smile tugged at his lips as he walked back to the sitting room and hung it on the back of the tree. Mother didn’t need to know that.

He sighed, looking at the clock. Just an hour until the guests arrived, so just a few more until they leave.

A soft knock made him turn around. He half-expected to see Sirius, but quickly remembered that was not possible, it was just a branch hitting the window. The realisation brought a familiar ache to his chest, but he pushed it aside. He couldn’t afford to dwell on that now.

Instead, he found himself alone with his thoughts, trying to muster the strength to face the evening ahead. He took a deep breath and straightened his tie, determined to make it through the night with as much grace as he could manage. Just a few more hours, he reminded himself. Then he could retreat back to the sanctuary of his room.

When his relatives started arriving, Regulus put on a practiced smile and greeted everyone at the door. Each familiar face brought a surge of mixed emotions, but he kept his expression neutral.

The first to arrive were Aunt Druella and Uncle Cygnus with Bellatrix. He almost laughed out loud at the sight of his cousin; she looked like a mirror image of her father. Their outfits were almost identical, save for the more feminine touches on Bella’s attire. They both wore dark, impeccably tailored clothes that screamed wealth and power.

Regulus observed the way Bellatrix clung to her father, the way she laughed at his jokes and echoed his opinions. It would have been sweet, endearing even, if he didn't know it was all for show. Bella had always craved the perks that came with being close to her father—money, power, influence. All she had to do was smile, nod, and play the obedient daughter. Regulus cringed at the thought, a pang of pity mixed with disdain twisting in his chest. Bella's hunger for power was insatiable, and it made her ruthless.

Next were Narcissa and her husband, Lucius, with their son Draco. They entered with a cold air of superiority, barely acknowledging anyone as they swept inside. Regulus noted how Druella immediately rushed to Draco, fawning over him with exaggerated affection. In the corner of his eye, he saw Narcissa give a satisfied smile. It was all so predictable, so rehearsed. Draco, with his platinum blonde hair and haughty expression, looked every bit the miniature version of his father. Regulus couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness for his young cousin, who was already being groomed for a life of strict expectations and relentless ambition.

When Andromeda and Ted finally arrived with their daughter Nymphadora, the atmosphere in the room shifted subtly. There was a palpable tension whenever Andromeda was present, a silent reminder of her 'betrayal' by marrying a ‘poor’ man. Regulus knew it wasn’t exactly true, Ted was a profesor at the university and a scientist, quite successful in his field, but knowledge apparently didn’t matter to the Black family.

Still, Andromeda’s defiance had always been a source of quiet admiration for Regulus, even if he could never voice it.

Fortunately, the tension eased somewhat as everyone settled down at the table.

Little Dora immediately gravitated towards Regulus, her tiny hand slipping into his. She started playing with his fingers, her innocent fascination a stark contrast to the heavy, artificial atmosphere of the room.

“See, there are little dots on my nails,” Regulus whispered, pointing to the nail-polish spots Sirius made on his nails few days ago. Dora stared at his hands with wide eyes, gently touching them and babbling to herself in a language only she understood. Her innocence was a breath of fresh air, a reminder of purity amidst the cold pretenses of their family.

Sweet little Dora had no idea how much her life was already complicated by being born two weeks before Draco. Not only were the children constantly compared to each other, but Dora’s rapid development in all the baby milestones had made her an unwitting competitor in the eyes of the family. Draco’s slower progress was a source of quiet embarrassment for Narcissa and Lucius, and it made Dora an object of envy and subtle resentment.

Regulus’s heart ached for her. She was just a child, blissfully unaware of the judgments being placed upon her. As she continued to marvel at his nails, he resolved to be a source of comfort and protection for her, however he could.

Sitting at the dinner table, surrounded by the calculating gazes and polite facades of his relatives, Regulus felt a surge of determination. He would endure the evening, not just for his own sake, but for the innocent little girl by his side.

As soon as Cygnus started talking about how Andromeda’s hair was a mess and should be tamed followed by bragging about the celebrity hairdresser he knew, Regulus began zoning out. There was no point in even trying to talk with his uncle; he would just get louder and angrier, and the evening would devolve into chaos. Regulus had seen it happen too many times to count.

Suddenly, he was nudged by Druella. “You like art, right, Regulus?” she asked, breaking into his thoughts.

“You could say that,” he replied cautiously, not sure where this was leading.

“What do you think of this?” Druella showed him a picture of a tattoo on the back of someone’s neck.

Regulus stared at the image. It was… interesting? No, honestly it was ugly. The tattoo was wonky and made with thick lines; it was a cross, but in weird red and yellow colors. Why was Druella showing him this? Was he supposed to say it was ugly?

“It’s not exactly something to my taste, so I wouldn’t get it, but it has its own unique charm,” Regulus said after a moment, trying to sound as natural as possible.

“It’s so great, right?!” Druella exclaimed, as if she hadn’t even listened to him. “I just got it a few weeks ago.”

“You—you got it?” Regulus couldn’t believe his ears. “That is your tattoo?”

“Yes, isn’t it beautiful? I can’t wait to be able to show it off,” Druella mused, turning to Walburga to show her the tattoo.

Regulus felt his blood boiling. Druella. The same Druella who had told Miother that she was an awful parent for letting Regulus get a tattoo, even though he was eighteen, had paid with his own money, and Mother had nothing to do with it. The same Druella who decided to dwell on how in her opinion only criminals get tattoos when they were visiting his grandfather’s grave. That Druella just got a tattoo.

And it wasn’t even something subtle, it wasn’t like Regulus’s tattoo, which was on his upper arm and almost never on display—no, it was on the back of her neck!

Regulus clenched his jaw, trying to control his rising anger. He wanted to call her out on her hypocrisy, to point out the blatant double standard, but he knew it would only lead to more tension and possibly ruin the evening for everyone, especially little Dora.

He took a deep breath and forced a smile. “It’s very bold, Aunt Druella. I’m sure you’ll get a lot of compliments.”

Druella beamed at his response, completely oblivious to the storm of emotions raging inside him. Regulus glanced at Walburga, who seemed equally taken aback but said nothing.

His mind raced as he tried to process the situation. How could she be so blind to her own hypocrisy? How could she condemn him so harshly and then turn around and do the exact same thing? It was infuriating.

But then he looked down at Dora, who was now trying to read a book (although it was rather pointing at the pictures and giggling), blissfully unaware of the adult complexities and hypocrisies surrounding her.

Taking another deep breath, he focused on Dora, letting her innocent curiosity ground him. Just a few more hours, he reminded himself.

After the dinner it was time for opening presents. He knew getting him a gift was a burden to the rest of his family. He quickly realised that when he was younger.

Unwrapping gifts at Christmas had always been a bittersweet experience for Regulus. Even as a child, he had sensed the reluctance behind the gifts he received. It wasn’t that he wanted big, expensive presents like Bella always got.

Uncle Cygnus owned a chain of drugstores and was practically swimming in money.
It made sense that he would spoil his own children. And Regulus also understood that he was not one of them.

He vividly remembered one Christmas when he was about eight years old. Bella had received a new phone, and Narcissa had gotten a designer handbag. When it was Regulus’s turn, he had eagerly torn off the wrapping paper, only to reveal a dented box of cologne that had likely fallen off a conveyor belt. The hurt he felt in that moment lingered, a sharp reminder of his place in the family hierarchy.

Sirius had never seemed bothered by these thoughtless gifts. When he turned thirteen, he had started collecting both his and Regulus’s unwanted presents and selling them on eBay the next day. It had been a small act of rebellion, a way to reclaim some dignity from their indifferent relatives. It had also been a relief for Regulus, not having to look at those items that so clearly showed how little he meant to his family.

Mother, at least, would ask him what he wanted. She would complain that his choices were too expensive or impractical and tell him to pick something else. But in the end, she made the small effort his other relatives didn’t, even if she only felt it was her duty or that she needed to match the other adults giving gifts to their children. It showed that she cared about him that bit, right?

And other relatives? He never received anything from Bella or Narcissa, but it didn’t matter. Or he told himself that; he wasn’t sure. And two cousins didn’t care about getting anything from him either, so maybe it was a compromise? He had stopped expecting any significant displays of affection from them years ago when he found the Christmas cards he had made for them in the trash just two hours after giving them to them.

Regulus couldn’t help but remember the sting of seeing those cards discarded so thoughtlessly. He had poured his heart into making them, carefully crafting each one to reflect something personal about his cousins. He had used the nicest paper he could find, spending hours drawing and writing heartfelt messages inside. When he found them crumpled in the bin, it felt like a slap in the face, a harsh lesson in the reality of his relationship with Bella and Cissa.

He sighed, looking at the clock. Just a few more hours, he reminded himself. A few more hours, and then he could escape the charade and hide.

Regulus glanced around the room, taking in the scene: Aunt Druella fawning over Draco, Uncle Cygnus pontificating about something or other, Bella and Cissa engrossed in their own conversations. He felt like an observer rather than a participant, watching from the sidelines as everyone else played their roles.

When Andromeda handed him her gift, he felt a small flicker of warmth. Her presents were always different, thoughtful in a way that made him feel seen. Last year, she had given him a journal and a set of pens. It was a simple gift, but it meant the world to him. Unlike the perfunctory offerings from the rest of the family, Andy’s gifts were personal and heartfelt. He cherished them far more than any drugstore reject from his aunt and uncle.

As he sat there, unwrapping the gift—a book he had mentioned to Andy he wanted to read—Regulus felt a small spark of genuine gratitude. At least someone in his family took the time to understand him, to see beyond the superficial.

And it was only a few more hours left.

☆

When his relatives finally left, Regulus threw himself onto the couch next to Walburga, feeling the tension slowly drain from his body.

“They finally left,” Walburga sighed, her voice carrying a mixture of relief and exhaustion.

“Yeah,” Regulus agreed quietly, the weight of the evening still pressing on him.

“What was Druella saying about that horrible tattoo? I can't believe her sometimes.”

“Exactly! What the hell was that?” Regulus sat up straight, anger simmering just beneath the surface. “She’s such a hypocrite. Do you remember what she said about my tattoo? And I wasn’t even showing it to anyone. And she’s making a spectacle of herself!”

Walburga's expression hardened. “She bends her opinions to fit her,” she mused, her tone dripping with disdain.

“I hate this fucking family,” Regulus muttered, the words slipping out before he could stop them. “I wish we could spend Christmas Eve without them.”

“Regulus! Stop it!” Walburga snapped, her eyes narrowing.

“What?! You hate them too! I’m just stating the fact.”

“They are our family, and family sticks together. They are the people that will be there for you when everyone leaves you.” Walburga shot him an icy glare, her voice cold and unyielding.

Regulus felt a surge of frustration and sadness. “So I can talk shit about them with you, say they are shitty people, but the second I say I don’t want to associate myself with those shitty people, that’s the problem? And I highly doubt they would ever be there for me.”

Walburga’s face twisted in anger. “You don’t understand, Regulus. Family is all we have. They are the ones who will stand by us when everyone else turns their backs.”

Regulus clenched his fists. He wanted to believe his mother, but the reality was far more complicated.

He thought back to all the times his family had let him down, the countless moments when their support had been conditional, based on convenience rather than genuine care. The memories stung, each one a reminder of the emotional distance that defined his relationships with them.

“Do you really believe that?” he asked quietly, his voice trembling. “That they would be there for me? Because I don’t. I’ve seen how they treat each other, how they treat us. There’s no real loyalty or love.”

Walburga’s eyes softened for a brief moment, a flicker of something almost like regret passing through them. But it was gone as quickly as it came, replaced by her usual stern expression. “You don’t understand, Regulus. This family has a legacy, a reputation to uphold. We must stick together, no matter what.”

Regulus felt a pang of sadness, realizing that his mother would never see things the way he did. She was too entrenched in their family’s toxic dynamics, too conditioned to believe in the facade they presented to the world.

“Maybe I don’t want to be part of that legacy,” he said softly, the words hanging heavy in the air.

Walburga’s gaze hardened once more, and she stood up abruptly, her posture rigid. “This conversation is over.”

He watched her walk away, his heart aching. Regulus lay back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, feeling the weight of the evening pressing down on him.

He thought of Sirius, wondering where his brother was spending Christmas Eve. Was he with James’s family? Or maybe Remus had invited him to his celebration? The thought of Sirius being surrounded by warmth and laughter, so different from the cold formality here, brought a bittersweet smile to his face.

Reaching into his pocket, he took out his phone, seeking a distraction from his thoughts. He noticed a message from Sirius and his heart skipped a beat.

Hey kid. Do you want to meet up tomorrow? We can make fun of the Blacks and their shitty gifts. I miss you.

A rush of warmth and relief washed over him. Sirius reached out, Sirius cared.

He stared at the words for a moment, savoring the feeling of connection. Memories of past Christmases flooded his mind—Sirius sneaking him extra sweets, the two of them laughing at their relatives behind closed doors, and the way Sirius always seemed to know when Regulus needed a brother more than anything else. Those moments were rare glimmers of warmth in an otherwise cold and unfeeling household.

He quickly typed back a response, his fingers trembling slightly.

Please. Let’s meet at our spot? 2 PM?

He hit send and felt a weight lift off his chest. The thought of seeing Sirius brought a sense of relief and anticipation that made the Christmas tensions seem more bearable.

Regulus sat up and glanced around the room. The house was quiet, the only sounds coming from the faint hum of the refrigerator and the soft ticking of the clock on the wall. He got up, deciding it was better to just go to sleep.

He was tired of pretending, tired of being the dutiful son who conformed to everyone’s expectations. Tomorrow, with Sirius, he could be himself.

Before he closed his eyes, he wrote a quick message to James.

I survived.

He barely had time to put his phone down before it buzzed with a response.

I am SO PROUD of you, my love. We will see each other in a few days. Merry Christmas 🎄♥️ I LOVE YOU

Regulus chuckled to himself and quickly typed back a reply.

Why are you responding so fast? You should be spending time with your family and not staring at your phone. (And I love you too. Hope your Christmas Eve was great and you will tell me everything about it.)

As he closed his eyes, he thought about the future. The idea of building a life with James, of finding happiness outside the constraints of his family’s expectations, seemed more attainable. He allowed himself to dream of a different kind of Christmas, one filled with genuine love and acceptance.

With those comforting thoughts, Regulus finally drifted off to sleep, feeling a sense of peace that had eluded him for most of the evening.

☆

When Regulus saw Sirius sitting on the park bench under the willow, a flood of emotions surged through him. He didn’t care about the other people in the park or the curious glances they might throw their way. All that mattered was the sight of his brother.

Quickening his step, Regulus felt his heart pounding in his chest. By the time he reached the final stretch, he broke into a run, unable to contain his excitement and relief any longer. Sirius stood up just in time to catch him in a tight embrace.

“Wow, wow, kid, what has gotten into you?” Sirius laughed, holding him close.

Regulus buried his face in Sirius's shoulder, his grip tight as if afraid to let go. “I’ve missed you so much,” he mumbled, his voice thick with emotion.

Sirius pulled back slightly, looking at his brother with concern and affection. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m here now,” he said softly, brushing a strand of hair from Regulus’s face. “What’s going on? How was Christmas Eve?”

Regulus sighed, feeling the weight of the previous night pressing down on him. “It was... the usual. Tense, awkward, and exhausting. Mother was her usual self, and everyone was just insufferable.”

Sirius nodded, understanding all too well the dynamics at play. “Did something happen?”

Regulus hesitated for a moment, then decided to share. “Druella showed off her new tattoo, and it just set me off. She made such a big deal out of it, and all I could think about was how she treated me when I got mine. She called me a criminal, Sirius. For a ballerina tattoo! And now she’s parading hers around like it’s the best thing ever. It’s not. It’s wonky and ugly.”

“Hypocrite,” Sirius muttered. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”

“It’s not just that,” Regulus continued, feeling the need to unburden himself. “I felt so alone last night. Even though Mother tried to be nice, it was all just so hollow. I wish you were there, but at the same time, I’m glad you weren’t. You don’t need to be around them.”

Sirius sighed, his expression softening. “I know, Reg. I wish things were different too. But still we have each other, right?”

Regulus nodded, feeling a bit lighter. “Yeah. And James. He’s amazing. He’s so stupid. I love him. He messaged me last night, and it made everything a bit more bearable.”

Sirius grinned. “Good. You deserve to be happy, you know?”

Regulus smiled back, feeling a warmth spread through him. “Thanks, I just... I needed to see you.”

They sat down on the bench, the willow branches swaying gently above them. For a while, they just talked. It was simple, but exactly what Regulus wanted.

“Do you want to sell a set of two deodorants and a shower gel with a big inscription ‘for men’ on eBay?” Regulus asked, a wry smile playing on his lips.

Sirius rolled his eyes dramatically. “They got you that?” he exclaimed. “Two deodorants? I mean, Reg, that means you seriously stink,” he added, chuckling.

“Shut up, you git,” Regulus retorted, playfully pushing Sirius off the bench. Sirius tumbled into the snow, laughing heartily.

As Sirius lay there, still chuckling, Regulus felt a lightness in his chest. He reached down to help Sirius up, and his brother pulled him into the snow as well.

“Now you’re down here with me,” Sirius grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

“You’re impossible, you know that?”

“Impossible but lovable,” Sirius quipped, brushing snow off his coat. “Seriously, though, deodorant? That’s like the worst gift on the planet.”

Regulus shrugged, the smile fading slightly. “I don’t know what to say,” he sighed, feeling the weight of the evening's frustrations settle back in. “It’s hard. Being around them, pretending everything is fine when it’s not.”

Suddenly, he was enveloped in a tight hug. He knew his typical reaction would be to throw his brother off and give a snarky comment, but he was just too tired. Regulus hid his face in the crook of Sirius’s neck and sighed.

Sirius must have noticed the change in his demeanor because he started stroking his hair and whispered, “Where did my mean baby brother go? Who killed your spark to fight with me?”

Regulus didn’t know if he should say something funny or serious or maybe both and make a self-deprecating joke, so he just closed his eyes and buried his face deeper into Sirius’s neck.

“I get it, Reg,” Sirius said softly, his voice gentle. “I really do. It’s exhausting having to put on a show all the time.”

Regulus nodded against his brother’s shoulder. “They don’t know who I am or what I like. And honestly, they don’t care, they don’t even want to try.”

Sirius held him tighter. “They’re the ones missing out, not you. You’re incredible, Reg, and if they can’t see that, it’s their loss.”

Regulus hummed softly, comforted by his brother’s words and the gentle ruffling of his hair.

After a moment, Sirius spoke again, but his voice was more hesitant this time. “Okay… let’s make a promise.”

Regulus lifted his head and looked at him curiously.

“No more crappy Christmases,” Sirius continued with more determination in his voice. “You are not spending the next Christmas at that house. I don’t know how, but we’re getting you out of there.”

“Sirius—”

“Yeah yeah, I know, you don’t want me to pay for anything or you being dependent on anyone. I get that.” Sirius stopped him. “But maybe we can find another way. Maybe one of your friends from uni is looking for a roommate? What I am promising to you is that by next Christmas, you’ll be out of that house on your own terms, okay?”

Regulus didn’t know what to say. The idea of leaving the oppressive environment of his house was both exhilarating and terrifying. He had always felt trapped, but the thought of actually being free, of making his own decisions without the shadow of his family looming over him, seemed almost too good to be true.

“Sirius, I... I don’t know if that’s that easy,” Regulus finally managed to say, his voice barely above a whisper. “What if I fail? What if I can’t do it on my own? What if Mother is right?”

Sirius’s eyes softened, and he held Regulus closer. “You won’t fail, Reg. And you won’t be alone. You have me, you have James, you have your friends, I have Moony, which means, you have him too-

“Hey, Remus is my friend too!”

“Okay okay. Either way we’ll figure it out together. And we have a whole year to plan this.”

Regulus felt a lump in his throat. He had spent so long feeling like he was on his own, like he had to face everything by himself. But here was Sirius, reminding him that he didn’t have to. That he had a support system, people who cared about him and wanted to see him succeed.

“Okay,” Regulus said, his voice steadier now. “We’ll figure it out.”

Sirius smiled, a genuine, proud smile. “That’s my baby brother. We’ll make it happen, I promise.”

They stood up, brushing the snow off their clothes, and began to walk back towards the park’s exit. The sun was setting, casting a warm glow over the winter landscape.

As they walked out of the park, side by side, Regulus felt a glimmer of hope. He didn’t know what the future held, but he knew he had a future worth looking forward to. And that made all the difference.

☆

The next day was very quiet. Regulus spent most of it in his room, only venturing out to grab food. He found solace in the solitude, using the time to think about the conversation with Sirius and what it might mean for his future. By the evening, he reluctantly joined his mother at the dining table, where she was engrossed in some paperwork.

“So, are you going on the family trip?” she asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

“W-What?” Regulus stammered, caught off guard.

“The family trip. It’s in a few weeks,” Walburga replied, still not looking up from her documents.

Regulus stared at her, bewildered. “But—I don’t understand. The trip is still happening? Nobody mentioned anything about it on Christmas Eve, and you haven’t said anything in weeks. I thought it was canceled.”

“I never said it’s not happening. So, are you going?” Her tone was nonchalant, as if she was discussing something trivial.

Regulus felt a surge of frustration. “No,” he said firmly.

Walburga’s pen stopped moving, and she finally looked up at him. “Pardon?”

“I said no. I am not going. I told you I wasn’t going when you first asked me, and I’m telling you again now. I am not going,” Regulus repeated, his voice steady with a newfound confidence.

The room fell into a tense silence. Walburga stood up slowly, her eyes narrowing as she regarded her son. “You are a Black, Regulus. Family obligations are not optional.”

Regulus met her gaze, the weight of her expectations pressing down on him. But he didn’t waver. “I am not going,” he repeated, his voice firm. “I have my own plans, and they don’t include a trip where I’ll be miserable the entire time.”

Walburga’s face hardened, a mask of cold fury settling over her features. “You will regret this,” she said quietly, before turning and walking away from the table.

Regulus watched her go, his heart pounding. What had just happened? He felt a strange mix of fear and exhilaration. He had stood up to his mother, something he had rarely done with such conviction. The realization was both empowering and terrifying.

As the evening wore on, Regulus replayed the conversation in his mind. Returning to his room, he took out his phone and sent a quick message to Sirius.

Guess what? I firmly told Mother I’m not going on the family trip.

Almost immediately, his phone buzzed with a reply.

Proud of you, kid.

Regulus smiled to himself, feeling a small sense of triumph. But it quickly faded as Walburga walked into his room and sat down on the chair next to his desk. Unease crept through him. He hated when she did that; it meant there was no place to escape. His safe space was no longer safe, because how could it be safe when there was a predator in it?

“Congratulations,” she said sarcastically. “The trip is canceled.”

“What?” Regulus's confusion was evident in his voice.

“I told Cygnus your mental disorders are keeping you from going, so the trip was canceled,” Walburga replied with a disdainful tone.

“First of all, I told you that was not the reason I’m not going. Second—”

“I don’t care what the reason is,” she cut him off sharply. “I will not be a messenger telling your family you don’t like them and don’t want to spend time with them!”

“But it’s the truth! And nobody asked you to be my spokesperson. It’s Cygnus’s fault he doesn’t even want to reach out to me!” Regulus felt a mix of anger and desperation bubbling up inside him.

“I don’t care,” Walburga spat. “Either way, you should feel proud. You’re finally important. Your resignation was the last straw, and now the trip is canceled. The whole family is affected by you now.” She gave him a venomous smile.

“The last straw… what do you mean?” Regulus asked, confused and apprehensive.

“Narcissa is pregnant again, so they’re not going,” Mother shrugged, as if it was a minor detail. “And apparently, with you not going, Cygnus decided it’s not worth it.”

“Cissa is not pregnant. We saw her two days ago,” Regulus said, feeling even more confused. What was going on? His head started to hurt from trying to understand this whole situation.

“She called Cygnus today to announce it. And to say that because of that, they’re not going.”

“I don’t understand. Why didn’t they say that on Christmas Eve…” Regulus spoke quietly to himself, trying to piece together all the details. And then it hit him. “Don’t you see it? She’s pulling the same shit as always, coming up with some excuse so nobody would blame her.”

“Pregnancy is not an excuse, it’s a reason to celebrate,” Walburga retorted, her voice dripping with contempt.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Regulus muttered, frustration boiling over. “And why is the trip cancellation my fault again? It’s three of them and one me, and I didn’t want to go from the get-go!”

“But you don’t have any valid reason to act so foolish,” she said, standing up and shooting him a scolding glare. “Think about it now. You’re finally important. You got your Christmas wish. And because of you your mother won’t be going on vacation.” With that, she turned and walked out, shutting the door behind her with a definitive thud.

Regulus sat there, stunned and hurt. His emotions were a whirlwind of anger, sadness, and confusion. He felt betrayed by his mother’s manipulation, her ability to twist the truth to suit her narrative. The triumph he felt earlier was replaced with a deep sense of isolation.

He desperately wanted to hug his plush octopus, and more than anything, he wanted to be hugged by James, to feel the warmth and reassurance of his arms around him.

What confused him the most was that he didn’t even want to cry. He was just so done with Mother and his relatives. He didn’t feel guilty, even though Mother desperately attempted to make him feel that.

Should he feel guilty because he wasn’t feeling guilty? No! It was a pointless cycle of despair. He was just mad. Mad at Mother for her manipulative tactics, mad at his relatives for their cold indifference, and mad at himself for still caring about their opinions, even a little.

Regulus took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm the storm inside him. The quiet of his room started to feel suffocating.

Without a second thought he texted Sirius again.

I had another run-in with Mother. Thanks for being there for me yesterday. It helped.

And again almost immediately, his phone buzzed with a reply.

Always here for you, kid. Remember, we're getting you out of there. Hang tight.

Is James at your flat?

I am not 100% sure? I’m at Moony’s.
Btw he says hi and that if we ever want to lobotomise mother he’s up for the challenge. Now that I wrote that says he’s joking, but I will hold him to that.
But yeah, James should be at the flat by now. You want to go there?

Yeah. I think I will. Screw Mother, I can't be in the same house with her tonight.

He hesitated for a moment, then stood up and started packing a small bag. The idea of spending the night at James’s place felt like a lifeline.

Regulus crept down the stairs, trying to avoid Walburga. He could hear her on the phone in the living room, her voice dripping with false sweetness as she gossiped with someone. The sound made his skin crawl.

Once he was out the door, he felt a sense of relief wash over him. The cold night air was refreshing, and for the first time that day, he felt like he could breathe.

The journey to James’s flat was short, but it felt like an eternity. When he finally arrived, he hesitated at the door, suddenly feeling unsure. But then he knocked, and a moment later, James opened the door, his face lighting up in a warm smile.

“Reggie! Come in!” James pulled him into a hug. “You okay?”

Regulus nodded, the tension in his shoulders easing a bit. “Yeah, just needed to get out of there.”

“Sirius told me. Want something to eat or drink?”

Regulus shook his head, feeling a lump in his throat. “Just... you.”

James kissed his forehead and led him to the couch. He disappeared into his room for a moment and returned with the plush octopus and a big blanket. “Come here, love. I am so proud of you, you know?”

As Regulus settled onto the couch, hugging his plush octopus tight, he felt a rush of relief. James wrapped the blanket around both of them, creating a cocoon of warmth and comfort. He stroked Regulus’s hair gently, kissing his temples and whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

"You’re safe here," James murmured, his breath warm against Regulus’s skin. "You don’t have to worry about anything. Just relax."

Regulus closed his eyes, letting the softness of the plush octopus and the steady rhythm of James’s heartbeat calm him. The warmth of James’s embrace and the quiet reassurances made the weight of the evening melt away.

“I love you so much,” Regulus whispered, his voice barely audible.

“I love you too,” James replied softly. “You’re home now. Nothing bad is going to happen. I’ll protect you.”

They stayed like that for a long time, the room filled with the gentle hum of their breathing and the occasional whisper from James.

James's fingers continued to thread through his hair, each gentle stroke grounding him further. Every time Regulus's thoughts started to drift back to dark places, James would pull him closer, as if sensing his need for reassurance.

"Remember the first time we met?" James asked, his voice a soothing murmur. "You were so determined not to let anyone in. I knew then that you had this incredible strength, but also that you needed someone to see you for who you are."

Regulus smiled faintly, recalling that time. "I was scared," he admitted. "Of getting close to anyone."

"And look at you now," James said, pride evident in his voice. "You’re braver than you think, love. And you’ve got me, Sirius, and so many others who care about you."

"I guess I never realized how much I needed this," Regulus whispered. "Just to be... seen and accepted."

James pressed another kiss to his forehead. "You deserve all of it, love. Every bit of happiness and peace."

Time passed in a comfortable silence and Regulus felt the heaviness of sleep begin to overtake him, his eyelids growing heavy.

“Sleep,” James whispered, sensing his weariness. “I’ve got you.”

Chapter Text

Regulus was feeling a deep sense of contentment. It struck him as amusing how happiness had become a more consistent companion lately. He mentally corrected himself, trying to stop referring to it as ‘unusually happy’ and simply accepting it as his new normal.

He was also excited due to long discussions about their Christmas plans with James. Regulus had tried to convince James to let him buy him a gift, but James insisted, that Regulus was supposed to be saving money. And Regulus didn’t want to be the only one not paying.

They’d finally reached a consensus: Regulus would organise their Christmas date and James could give him a gift, but it couldn’t involve spending money.

He was genuinely excited about the day's activities. There was a slight undercurrent of anxiety about whether James would enjoy them, but Regulus pushed those worries aside. He had put a lot of thought into the day, and he was determined to make it special.

“So, what do we do first?” James asked, bouncing around energetically while Regulus put on his shoes.

Regulus chuckled at his enthusiasm. “Before we start, I have something for you,” he said and seeing James raising his brow sceptically he added. “Oh, don’t look at me like that. It’s just something for today.”

Regulus reached into his bag and pulled out an analog camera, carefully wrapped to protect it.

“Mary lent me her analog camera for a few weeks,” Regulus explained, handing it over to James. “I know we agreed on no physical gifts, but this is not a gift, as we have to return it. I thought you might like to document our day.”

James’s skepticism melted into a smile as he took the camera. “Reggie, this is amazing! Thank you!”

Regulus felt a surge of relief and happiness at James’s reaction. “I thought you’d like it. Plus, we’ll have some great memories to look back on and that kind of gift stays for a long time.

James immediately started fiddling with the camera, inspecting it with a look of sheer delight. Regulus watched him, a warm feeling blooming in his chest. He loved seeing James so happy, and it made all the planning worth it.

Once they were both ready, Regulus took James by the hand and led him outside. “Okay, our first stop is a bit of a walk, but I promise it’ll be worth it.”

They walked through the crisp winter air, their breath visible in the cold. Regulus had planned a route that would take them through some of their favorite spots in the city, places that held special meaning for both of them.

As they walked, James snapped pictures, capturing the cityscape, the holiday decorations, and candid moments between them. Regulus felt a sense of pride and accomplishment. He had planned something that was already bringing them closer together.

When they reached their first destination, a coffee shop that had a wide range of board games to play, Regulus turned to James with a grin. “Evan told me about this place. I thought it’d be fun to start here.”

James’s eyes lit up. “You know me so well,” he said, leaning in to kiss Regulus on the cheek.

They settled into a corner booth, surrounded by shelves filled with board games. The cozy atmosphere was exactly what Regulus had hoped for. They ordered hot chocolate, and the rich, comforting aroma filled the air as they picked out a few games to play.

As they set up their first game, Regulus couldn’t help but notice James watching him intently. There was a familiar look in his eyes, one that meant he had noticed something Regulus hadn’t yet articulated.

“I see you’re thinking about something, and it’s the look you have when you want to tell me something but don’t know when it’s the right time,” James said casually, as if commenting on the most normal thing in the world.

Regulus froze for a moment, caught off guard. “I—what? I don’t have such face.”

“Yes, you do,” James grinned, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

“Ugh. And you probably want me to tell you now?” Regulus said, trying to deflect the conversation, even though he knew it was pointless.

“Nope, but you’re clearly going to die if you don’t, so I’m listening.” James moved his pawn on the board, his tone playful but his gaze sincere.

Regulus huffed and rolled his eyes. “Fine. But you can’t say I ruined the day with this.”

James looked at him, amused, waiting patiently for him to continue. His easygoing demeanor made it both easier and harder for Regulus to spill what was on his mind.

“So, I was talking with Lily—” Regulus began.

“Yay, Lily!”

“James.”

“Sorry,” James said, settling back into his seat, his grin never fading.

Regulus took a deep breath, trying to organize his thoughts. He had been mulling over this for days, and the conversation with Lily had only solidified his need to discuss it with James. The idea of sharing this made him feel vulnerable, but also hopeful. “I was thinking about something and, to be sure, I needed to talk to Lily first. Because, you know, you are not exactly objective.”

James pouted slightly but remained silent, his eyes encouraging Regulus to continue.

“And Lily has been very supportive of my idea, but I am still not fully convinced. So I need to talk to you.” Regulus started fidgeting with everything he could grab on the table: his cup, the game pieces, anything to keep his hands busy and distract from the nervous energy bubbling inside him.

James reached out and gently took one of Regulus’s hands, grounding him. “Hey, take your time. I’m here.”

Regulus took another deep breath, feeling a bit more settled. “Do you think I would manage as Creativa president next year?” he finally asked, his voice barely above whisper.

James’s eyes widened with surprise, but quickly transformed into a look of pride and encouragement. “Reggie, that’s amazing. Why would you doubt yourself?”

The idea of taking on such a significant role both thrilled and terrified Regulus. “I don’t know. It’s a huge responsibility. What if I mess up? What if people don’t take me seriously? I’ve never led anything that big before. What if I’m not good enough?”

James squeezed his hand, his voice steady and reassuring. “Reggie, you are one of the most capable people I know. You’re thoughtful, creative, and you care deeply about what you do. Those are all the qualities of a great leader.”

Regulus felt a small wave of relief wash over him, but the doubts were still there, lingering at the edges of his mind. “Lily said the same thing, and it helped, but I guess I needed to hear it from you too. I needed to know that you believe in me.”

James leaned closer, his eyes locking onto Regulus’s with unwavering confidence. “I believe in you more than anything. And you know that me not being a part of the club doesn’t mean I won’t help you, right? The same with Lily. You will have our constant support. You can do this, Reggie. And you’ll be amazing at it.”

Regulus felt a smile slowly forming on his lips. “Although I never doubted your support, it’s so good to hear it said out loud.”

James kissed the back of his hand. “I can shout it if you want.”

“No, please don’t.” Regulus chuckled, the tension in his chest finally easing.

When they finished their game and paid for their drinks, it was slowly starting to get dark outside, but it was just what Regulus hoped for.

He led James to the bus stop and as they waited, snow started falling gently around them, the flakes catching in their hair and on their coats.

“You are so beautiful,” James said softly, raising the camera to snap a portrait of Regulus. “I love how snow looks on your hair.”

Regulus felt his cheeks flush with warmth despite the cold. “You’re just saying that because you’re in love with me.”

James grinned, lowering the camera and stepping closer. “Maybe, but it’s still true. And I’m going to capture every beautiful moment with you.”

Soon after, they reached their next destination: the botanical garden, which had transformed into a magical winter light exhibit. The garden was a dazzling display of colors and shapes, with intricate light sculptures illuminating the pathways. It felt like stepping into another world.

James's eyes lit up with excitement as they entered. "This is incredible, Reggie. How did you find out about this?"

"Pandora told me about it. She likes sparkling things. And I’m not making fun of her, that’s literally what she told me. She and Xeno were here last week and they loved it, and I thought it would be perfect for us," Regulus replied, feeling a sense of pride in his choice.

They wandered through the garden, marveling at the beautifully lit trees and whimsical light displays.

They reached a clearing where a large, illuminated fountain stood, the lights changing colors in a mesmerizing dance. They stood in silence for a moment, simply taking in the beauty of it all.

“This is amazing, Reggie. Thank you for planning this,” James said, his voice filled with genuine appreciation.

Regulus turned to him, feeling a swell of emotion. “I wanted today to be special for us. You’ve done so much for me, Jamie. I wanted to give you something memorable.”

James wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close. “Every day with you is memorable. But this… this is beyond anything I could’ve imagined. I love you, love.”

“I love you too,” Regulus whispered, leaning into the warmth of James’s embrace.

As they continued their walk, marveling at the lights and enjoying each other's company, Regulus's phone suddenly rang, breaking the serene atmosphere. He glanced at the screen and saw Mary’s name.

"Hey, Mary," Regulus answered, curiosity in his voice.

"Regulus! Lily just called me, and she said that Sirius called her. Apparently, you're looking for someone who needs a roommate?"

Regulus stopped in his tracks, his mind reeling. He hadn’t expected that kind of news at all. "Uh, yeah?"

"Well, it turns out I’ll be looking for a new roommate starting the summer term. If you’re interested, the room is yours," Mary said with her upbeat tone.

Regulus was so shocked he couldn't form words. He stood there, phone pressed to his ear, mouth slightly agape. James, sensing something was up, gave him a concerned look.

"Regulus, you there?" Mary’s voice broke through his stunned silence.

"Yeah, I’m here. I just... wow, Mary, that’s incredible. Thank you. I don’t know what to say."

"You don’t have to say anything right now. Just think about it. We can talk details later," Mary replied warmly.

Regulus finally found his voice. "Thank you, Mary."

"No problem, Regulus. I’ll talk to you soon. Don’t break my camera!"

Regulus hung up, still processing the conversation. James, who had been waiting patiently, raised an eyebrow. "What happened?"

"That was Mary," Regulus said slowly, a smile beginning to form on his lips. "She’s looking for a roommate starting the summer term."

James’s eyes lit up. "That’s amazing, Reggie! It’s all coming together."

Regulus nodded, still in a daze.

James pulled him into a tight hug, lifting him off the ground slightly. "I’m so happy for you, love."

They resumed their walk but as the reality of Mary’s offer settled in, Regulus felt his legs give way beneath him. He sank to the ground, overwhelmed by the sudden rush of emotions and the sheer magnitude of the change that could soon come. Everything felt like it was spinning out of control, and he didn’t know how to anchor himself.

James, noticing Regulus’s distress, immediately knelt beside him, concern etched across his face. “Reggie, you’re sitting on the cold ground. Come on, you need to get up.”

But Regulus couldn’t utter a response. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, leaving him paralyzed and unable to articulate anything.

Seeing that Regulus was too overwhelmed to move on his own, James gently lifted him up, wrapping an arm around him for support. “It’s okay, I’ve got you,” he murmured reassuringly. He guided Regulus to a nearby bench, sitting him down carefully and sitting close beside him.

James kept his arm around Regulus, providing both warmth and a sense of security. “Take a deep breath, love. It’s a lot to process, I know. But I’m here with you. You’re not alone.”

Regulus took a shaky breath. He closed his eyes for a moment, focusing on the steady rhythm of James’s breathing and the gentle pressure of his arm around him.

After a few minutes, he found his voice again. “It’s just… a lot. Everything is happening so fast.”

James nodded, his expression understanding. “I know. But this is a good thing, Reggie. You’ve wanted this for so long. And remember, firstly, this is just an offer, no permanent decisions are happening without you and your consent, and secondly, it’s December now and the potential move would be in the summer term. You have a lot of time to prepare.”

Regulus looked up, his eyes searching James’s face for reassurance. “Just when it’s real, I suddenly don’t know if I can do it. It sounds too good to be true.”

James’s eyes softened with empathy. “I get it. Change can be terrifying, even when it’s something you’ve been wanting. But you don’t have to do this alone. You have a whole support system ready to help you. You’re stronger than you realize, and you’ve already come so far.”

Regulus took a deep breath, trying to absorb James’s words. He nuzzled his face into the crook of James’s neck, finding comfort in the familiar warmth and scent. After a few moments, he sat back up, feeling a bit more grounded.

“Good?”

“Good.” Regulus smiled softly.

James returned the smile, his eyes shining with pride. “That’s my love.”

☆

When they returned to the flat, Regulus took a deep breath, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness. As soon as they walked in, he gently steered James toward the armchair in the sitting room.

“Don’t move,” Regulus said, holding James’s shoulders to keep him in place. “I know you like to cook, but it’s my date duty for today, so you need to give me a chance.”

“But don’t you want some help-”

“Nope,” Regulus interrupted, shaking his head firmly. “I decided that I’m doing it, so I’m doing it. And your help will stress me out, so you’re on the bench for this one.” He booped James’s nose playfully, eliciting a chuckle.

“Please don’t burn my kitchen,” James pleaded, his tone half-joking, half-concerned.

“No promises!” Regulus shot back, grinning as he made his way to the kitchen.

Once he was alone in the kitchen, Regulus took another deep breath to steady his nerves. He wasn’t exactly a culinary expert, but he had spent hours researching simple yet impressive recipes that he hoped James would love. He had even practiced a few times, though the results were often mixed. Tonight, he was determined to get it right.

Regulus started with the ingredients he had carefully selected earlier, courtesy of Sirius.

"You want to cook for James?" Sirius had laughed. "You can't even make toast without setting off the smoke alarm. And James likes to cook."

Regulus had rolled his eyes, determined to prove him wrong. "First of all, how dare he tell you this, and there was no smoke alarm, for your information. And also I want to do this. Can you help me get the ingredients?"

Sirius had eventually agreed, but only on one condition. "Fine, kid. I'll get you the stuff. But you better save me some of whatever you make. I want to see if it's actually edible."

Now, as Regulus laid out the fresh vegetables, pasta, chicken breast, and a variety of herbs and spices on the counter, he felt a small smile tug at his lips. The kitchen was starting to fill with the fragrant aroma of cooking food, and Regulus allowed himself a small smile.

“Smells good,” James called from the sitting room, his voice filled with curiosity.

“Don’t distract the chef!” Regulus shouted back, though he couldn’t help but feel a rush of warmth at the compliment.

He started by chopping the vegetables, trying to recall the tutorial videos he had watched. His movements were a bit clumsy, and a couple of pieces went flying off the cutting board, but he managed to gather them up and keep going. Next, he seasoned the chicken breast with a mix of salt, pepper, and rosemary, hoping he got the proportions right.

As he worked, Regulus’s thoughts kept drifting to James. He remembered the way James had looked at him earlier, with so much pride and confidence. It was that look that fueled his determination now. Even if the meal wasn’t perfect, he wanted to show James how much he cared, how much effort he was willing to put into making him happy.

With the vegetables sautéing and the chicken sizzling in the pan, Regulus turned his attention to the pasta. He filled a pot with water and set it to boil, trying to time everything so that it would come together perfectly. He plated the food carefully, trying to make it look as appealing as possible.

Finally, he carried the plates into the living room, where James was waiting with an expectant look on his face. “Dinner is served,” Regulus announced with a flourish, setting the plates down on the table.

James’s eyes lit up as he took in the meal. “This looks amazing, Reggie.”

Regulus felt a surge of pride. “I hope it tastes as good as it looks.”

They both took a bite, and Regulus watched anxiously as James chewed thoughtfully. A slow smile spread across James’s face. “It’s delicious, love. You did an incredible job.”

Relief and happiness washed over Regulus. “I’m so glad you like it.”

James reached across the table, taking Regulus’s hand in his. “I more than like it. I love it.”

After they finished eating, Regulus stood up and gathered the dishes, carefully placing them in the dishwasher. He then went to the kitchen, retrieving a bottle of wine and two glasses. As he walked back to the sitting room, he felt a warm glow of satisfaction from the successful dinner and the contentment of spending this special evening with James.

Regulus sat down next to him on the couch, placing the glasses and the bottle on the coffee table in front of them. "Before you start fussing," he began with a teasing tone, "I got this from Remus, a few days ago, as an early Christmas gift. He was very excited about the idea of me trying it with you, okay?"

James looked at the bottle and then back at Regulus, a playful smile tugging at his lips. "Okay, okay."

"Good boy." Regulus reached out and ruffled James's hair, laughing softly as James pretended to protest.

Regulus poured the wine into the glasses, handing one to James and taking the other for himself.

“To us,” Regulus said softly, as they clinked their glasses together.

“To us,” James echoed, his voice warm and filled with affection.

They sipped their wine, the rich flavors lingering on their tongues. Regulus leaned back into the couch, feeling the pleasant buzz of the evening settle over him.

“So… can I show you a gift I have for you?” James grinned.

“Sure.” Regulus put down his glass, curiosity piqued.

James’s eyes sparkled with excitement. “So, you remember how you made me a playlist to get to know you better? Well, it stuck with me for a long time. I even made notes on the lyrics,” he chuckled. “And I wanted to make you a playlist too. But honestly, everything was such a rollercoaster, and our relationship was changing rapidly, and then my Master’s dissertation stuff came up, and I just couldn’t stop for a moment to think about it. But now I finally did.” James smiled and clicked something on his phone. Seconds later, a notification appeared on Regulus’s screen.

“I’ve sent you a link. I wanted to include songs that I relate to, similarly to your playlist, but I focused a lot on the comfort and hope they give me. I also included some songs that feel like they were written about us.” James stroked Regulus’s cheek gently. “We can listen to it together or you can do it alone; it’s your gift.”

Regulus’s eyes widened, his heart swelling with emotion. “I-I, thank you, Jamie,” he stammered, feeling overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness of the gesture. “Truly, thank you. It’s incredible. And I want to listen to it with you, is that okay?”

“Perfectly okay,” James replied, his smile tender as he leaned in to kiss Regulus softly.

James pressed play on the first song, and the first notes of ‘Safety Pin’ filled the room.

“Did you know a safety pin is a sign of solidarity? It’s a way of letting someone know ‘I am a safe person,’” Regulus mused, nestling his head on James’s shoulder. He felt a sense of peace settle over him, the kind he only felt when he was with James.

James looked thoughtful, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “I didn’t know that, but my mum told me that when people find a closed safety pin lost on the road, it means luck.”

Regulus’s heart swelled with affection as he looked up at James. “I think you were my closed safety pin.” Meeting James had brought a sense of luck and security into his life that he’d never known before.

James’s eyes shone with emotion, his voice soft and sincere. “And you’re definitely my safe person.”

Regulus felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes, but they were tears of happiness. The kind of tears that came from feeling so deeply understood and loved. He hugged James tightly, feeling a profound sense of gratitude for having someone who made him feel so cherished. As the music played on, he knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, he had someone by his side who believed in him and loved him unconditionally.

☆

When Regulus woke up, without opening his eyes, he knew exactly where he was. The feeling of James's arms around him was impossible to mistake.

He stirred a bit, trying to understand his surroundings better. He was under a duvet, not a blanket, so they weren’t on the couch. Regulus inhaled deeply, the familiar scent confirming it. James's bed.

A sense of comfort washed over him, mingling with the remnants of the previous night's emotions and bitter aftertaste of alcohol. He felt James’s steady breathing against his back, a reassuring rhythm that made him feel safe. Carefully, he turned in James's arms, wanting to see the face of the person who had given him so much comfort.

James's eyes were closed, his expression peaceful and serene. Regulus felt a pang of gratitude. This man, who had opened his heart to him, was more than he ever dared to hope for.

Not wanting to wake him, Regulus lay still, enjoying the quiet intimacy of the moment.
He allowed himself to bask in the feeling of being loved and accepted. For so long, he had been trapped in a cycle of trying to please others, to fit into a mold that was never meant for him. Here, with James, he could just be Regulus. No, he could be Reggie.

After a while, James began to stir, his eyes fluttering open. He smiled sleepily when he saw Regulus awake.

“Hey,” he whispered, his voice husky with sleep. “How are you feeling?”

Regulus smiled back. “Good. Thank you for being here.”

James tightened his hold on him slightly. “You don’t have to thank me. I’m here for you, always.”

They stayed like that for a while, wrapped in each other’s warmth.

In typical James fashion, he started playing with Regulus’s hair, his fingers gently threading through the dark strands. From there, he moved to stroking Regulus's palms, then let his fingers wander across his body, mimicking tiny footsteps. He started with Regulus’s arm, then his neck, then his side.

When James's fingers brushed against his waist, Regulus felt a slight shiver run down his body. It wasn't an uncomfortable shiver—more of a surprise, a reaction he wasn't quite prepared for. James must have noticed because he quickly pulled back, his hand hovering uncertainly over Regulus.

Their eyes met, and Regulus saw the concern and a hint of curiosity in James’s gaze. He could tell James was searching for answers in his eyes, but the problem was, he didn’t have any clear answers to give.

“Reggie, are you okay? Did I cross a line?” James asked, his voice filled with genuine worry.

Regulus hesitated, not because he didn’t trust James, but because he was trying to decipher his own feelings. It didn’t seem wrong, and it didn’t feel bad—in fact, it felt right, just... so new. He and James had made out plenty and hugged even more, but James was always very considerate of Regulus’s boundaries. This was good, of course, but it also meant they hadn't explored much beyond that, leaving little room for learning and discovery.

He pondered his answer for a moment. Was he sure it was a good feeling? He mentally ran through a checklist of things that might indicate discomfort: Was his heart racing in a bad way? No. Did he feel any pain or anxiety? No. Did he want to move away? Definitely not. It was his (and his therapist’s) new discovery that he didn’t actually hate all the new things; he just hated the uncertainty of not knowing if it was something he wanted or liked.

With this realization, he felt a flicker of confidence. Finishing his mental checklist, he extended his arm and gently pulled James’s hand back to his waist.

James’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, but he didn’t resist. “Are you sure?” he asked softly, his fingers barely brushing Regulus’s skin.

Regulus nodded, his voice barely above a whisper. “Yeah, I’m sure. It’s just... new.”

James smiled gently, his fingers resting lightly against Regulus’s waist. The contact sent a warm wave of reassurance through Regulus, making the initial shiver transform into a comforting hum. He realized that this was more than just touch—it was an expression of James's unwavering care and affection.

They lay there in a comfortable silence, Regulus slowly becoming more accustomed to the sensation of James’s hand on his waist. Each touch seemed to dissolve a layer of tension, the warmth of James’s palm grounding him. He took a deep breath, feeling the comfort of James’s touch and the security it brought. The shiver he felt earlier had transformed into a soothing sensation, a reminder that he was safe and loved. The uncertainty was still there, but it was overshadowed by a growing sense of trust and intimacy.

After a while, James’s hand started moving. It was slow and gentle, his fingertips lightly brushing against Regulus’s skin, drawing shapes on his body. Each movement felt deliberate, as if James was painting his affection onto Regulus's skin.

His touch was reassuring, and Regulus felt a sense of security he hadn’t known he needed. He leaned into James, his head resting against his boyfriend’s chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

James kissed the top of his head. “You’re okay?”

“Better than okay,” Regulus mused, closing his eyes and letting himself feel. It was a funny feeling, like he was looking at himself through James’s touch. And it was so refreshing. Although it was still his body, somehow the way James touched it was like he was admiring it. Looking at it with so much more love and kindness than Regulus’s own eyes.

The sensation of James's fingers tracing his skin felt like a silent affirmation of his worth. Regulus could feel the love in each stroke, a tender reminder that he was valued. He realized that James saw him in a way he had never seen himself—through a lens of pure, unconditional love.

As James’s touch continued, Regulus’s thoughts began to quiet. The usual storm of self-doubt and anxiety that would normally accompany any thought about his body was replaced by a gentle warmth, a growing belief that he deserved this kind of love and care. It was a new feeling, one that was both foreign and incredibly welcome.

James then took Regulus’s hand by the wrist and started kissing each fingertip with tenderness.

“What are you doing?” Regulus chuckled.

“Loving you,” James replied simply.

The answer made absolutely no sense, but at the same time, it was just right. It was as if James's actions were bypassing logic entirely, speaking directly to a part of Regulus that craved this kind of intimate, unspoken affirmation.

Regulus watched, mesmerized, as James continued to kiss his fingertips, each touch sending ripples of warmth through him. It was such a small, simple gesture, yet it held a profound significance. James wasn't just showing affection; he was communicating his love in a way that words couldn't fully capture.

It was as if James was reminding him with every kiss that he was worthy of love, worthy of care, and worthy of being cherished.

Regulus sighed softly, a contented sound that came from deep within. He closed his eyes again, letting himself fully absorb the sensation of being loved so completely. He didn't feel the need to question or analyze; he simply allowed himself to be in the moment, to feel.

Chapter Text

☆ ☀︎ ☆

Perspective is key.

There is another side to every story and narrative that can change everything you know.

safety pin (james’s version):

wrap your arms around me, baby boy

☀︎ ☆ ☀︎