Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Hyunjin drops his bags on the floor by the bed. It’s a nice hotel they’re staying at. The rug on the floor feels soft under his feet and the queen sized bed looks fluffy and bouncy enough to jump on. Not that he would, but he can bet Jisung did the minute he reached his room. He wonders if Felix felt the urge to do it just like Hyunjin but didn’t. Felix is more likely to roll around among the pillows rather then jump perhaps. Though Hyunjin isn’t sure he knows that about him anymore. It was a long time since they shared a room much less the same bed.

Hyunjin walks over to the window. The sheer white curtains are drawn, letting in the light but doesn’t let him see the view. He didn’t get to see much during the ride from the airport and his fingers practically itch to pull the curtains aside and drink it all in. He takes a careful hold of the soft, sheer material and pauses, letting the anticipation build a little in his chest and chuckles at himself for doing it.

Then he pulls them aside and is met by the suns rays fighting to penetrate a milky white cover, casting streams of light over a city he'll always miss as soon as he leaves it. Beautiful Parisian buildings are spread out at his feet. White stone, and black iron wrought balconies. He marvels at the decorative arches he can see even from his lofty position. Some buildings even sport turrets and spires and far off in the distance he can hint the iconic silhouette of the Eiffel tower. Mist curl around her as she rises above the city and he's almost giddy with the feeling of being back here.

Hyunjin has seen the Eiffel tower before. He’s been to Paris before. The last time he was here and had time to explore he was with Felix. He remembers being happy that day. Not because they had fun, though they did but because he was at peace then. For a few days it was easy. It was just him and Felix in a city that breathes art. It coaxed him to explore and live in it. Be apart of it. At every turn. So different from how it feels back home.

Seoul is beautiful but it challenges him in a much different way. The tall buildings and the glass and the light inspires his ambition. To do better. Be better. Strive for excellence and never stop long enough to consider the cost of it. Paris urges him instead to lean back and let the creativity that folds and unfurls constantly in his chest to seep out. To release organically with each breath.

He needs both. Loves both.

His gaze drops form the view and he finds his phone already in his hand. Back home he shares it all with the members. Here in Paris he's ever only really shared it with one of them. How the city makes him feel. How there is so much he wishes to see.

His hand hovers over the call button, Felix’s name bright and clear and taunting. Taunting because what if he asks and Felix says no?

Their relationship is not the best right now. It isn't unsteady or bad it's just... less. He isn’t sure why or what changed or even when but it isn’t how it used to be and it’s only on dark nights when sleep won’t come that Hyunjin allows himself to admit that he misses it. He misses his best friend. If that’s what they were. Because he doesn’t just miss being around Felix. Of talking about everything and nothing with a boy who will always listen, with a boy who Hyunjin longs to hear each and every thought he has on any given subject. Hyunjin misses the closeness too. The little touches and hugs and the way they used to gravitate towards each other. How Felix never complained when Hyunjin clung to him or pulled him close.

In the end Hyunjin shuts off his phone and puts it back into his pocket. He might miss Felix but that does not mean that Felix misses him. Hyunjin likes his solitude but sometimes he gets lonely and in those moments he doesn’t quite know how to reach out. Felix isn’t like that. He reaches out when he needs to and he hasn’t reached for Hyunjin in a long time.

Hyunjin showers quickly and gets dressed quicker. He dresses for the weather and for Paris. Which means he puts in a little extra effort than if he would just go out back home. But not so much it takes extra time. He brings the black designer bag that has quickly become one of his favourites and his camera too. He’s looked up a couple of places on his phone that he longs to visit. It should keep him busy most of the day.

As he leaves the room he takes a quick look in the group chat. Most of the members have split up in groups or pairs. He knows he can join anyone of them if he wants but he isn’t sure they’d be interested in the same places he is. He’s still scrolling through the chat when he realises where his feet have unconsciously taken him. He's at Felix's door. He remembers the room number being called and Felix taking the room key. He's not sure why he remembers it. He doesn't remember any of the other's.

He looks up at the solid dark wood. All he has to do is raise his hand and knock. After all, what’s the worse that could happen? Felix would never laugh at him or be cruel. If he doesn’t want to spend time with Hyunjin he’ll tell him and he’ll even be kind about it. It will undoubtedly hurt all the same but regret always hurt more. That is the kind of hurt that latches on to your gut and refuses to let go. It can stay there for years, claws dug deep that twist at moments when you least expect it. Hyunjin doesn’t have many regrets in his life but there are a few and they can still hurt. He doesn’t want this to become another one.

Hyunjin knocks and his heart begins beating so hard in his chest he’s certain it will break his ribs if he doesn’t find a way to calm it down.

It only takes a moment before the door is opened and the sight of Felix meets him. His blonde hair is down, framing his face, the sharpness of his chin and his cheekbones. His lips are tinted a soft pinkish colour and Hyunjin honestly doesn’t know if he’s used some lip balm or something on them or if they’re just like that.

When did he stop looking at Felix? Stop noticing and start forgetting little things like that. Like the exact colour of his lips. Felix’s face is bare though. It’s still easy for Hyunjin to tell because his freckles are on full display. Smattered across his cheeks and nose making him look sweet and cheeky all at once.

Another moment before Felix smiles. Wide and brilliant, like he couldn’t be happier to find Hyunjin on the other side of the door. But this doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Felix is happy to meet most people. From the other members, to friends, to staff, to the customs agent who checked their passports at the airport.

“Hyunjin. Hi,” Felix says happily, but the surprise is in his voice too.

Was it so long ago that they sought each others company that Hyunjin being at Felix’s door is that much of a surprise? The thought is a sad one and Hyunjin finds himself wanting to fix that. Desperately.

“Hi, Yongbokkie.” Hyunjin hears how his voice trembles and really hopes Felix doesn’t notice. Notice how nervous he is. He knows there’s no reason to be but his thudding heart has decided not to listen to reason today.

“Do you wanna come in?” Felix asks when Hyunjin doesn’t say anything else.

Hyunjin nods and Felix steps to the side to let him into the room. Hyunjin immediately notices that it is nearly identical to his own. Except Hyunjin’s view might be a little more impressive. It doesn’t look like Felix can see the Eiffel tower from here. Hyunjin uses this as an excuse, making his way over to Felix’s window.

“I can see the Eiffel tower from my room,” he says as he searches for it from Felix’s window.

“Really? That’s cool. Remember when we were there last?” Felix is saying and Hyunjin turns back towards him. He’s on his bed, pulling on his shoes.

“Oh, you’re going somewhere?” It’s half a question and half a statement so Hyunjin wouldn’t fault Felix if he didn’t answer. But this is Felix so of course he does.

“Yeah,” he says. “Going for a walk around with Channie-hyung and Binnie.”

“Oh, right.” Hyunjin's tries to swallow but his mouth is suddenly painfully dry. “I shouldn’t keep you then,” he says and heads for the door again. Hyunjin hadn’t seen Felix’s name in the group chat but he could have made plans by texting directly instead.

“So you just came over to check the view?” Felix chuckles as he finishes lacing his shoes and get’s to his feet, grabbing his jacket.

Hyunjin bites his lip and forces himself to turn back around. “No,” he admits. “I…” He trails off and worries his lip again.

Felix’s gaze drops to the action. There's some kind of strange feeling that stirs in Hyunjin's gut at that. Not one that is necessarily new but it surprises him because he's not used to it, but pretty sure he was once. Felix's gaze shoots back up to his.

Hyunjin gathers his courage. “I wanted to check out this art exhibit and I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me.”

It only takes a second for Felix’s whole face to light up. Hyunjin will never stop marvelling at how it can do that. He’s never met someone that shines as brightly as Felix does. Who spreads that light around like it’s nothing. Like it’s easy. Like he’ll never run out. So much to share with everyone around him. Hyunjin remembers being addicted to that once. When they were younger. How he craved to be at the receiving end of one of Felix’s smiles.

“You want me to come with you?” Felix asks and if Hyunjin just lets himself he can hear how hopeful Felix sounds. Like he really wants to.

“Not if you’ve already made plans. It’s fine, I-”

“No,” Felix interrupts quickly. “I’d much rather go with you.”

“Really?” Hyunjin can’t quite hide the surprise in his voice. Felix is so close to both Chan and Changbin. Much closer than Felix and Hyunjin have been lately.

“Oh, yeah,” Felix says as he starts looking for his phone and his bag. “They walk so fast my legs cramp, you know. I don’t understand how they have time to see anything.”

Hyunjin can’t help but chuckle at that and the sound makes Felix look up at him. Felix smiles back and Hyunjin isn’t sure he can believe that Hyunjin just laughing can make Felix smile. But that doesn’t stop him from wishing it could. Another wish about Felix he’ll bury somewhere deep in his heart with the rest of them.

He spots Felix’s favourite bag over on a chair in the corner then. “Oh, here.” He goes over and fetches it, holding it out to Felix who takes it with a smile.

“Did you bring your camera?” Felix asks and Hyunjin pulls it up out of his bag to show him. “Oh, great. Then I’ll bring mine too.”

He gets his camera from his suitcase and finds his phone in his pocket. He texts Chan and Changbin to let them know he’ll be going with Hyunjin instead, jokingly telling them he needs to save his strength for the show tomorrow. Before long Hyunjin and Felix are in the lift and riding down to the lobby.

Felix leans closer to Hyunjin. “Where did you want to go?” he asks. There are only two more people in the lift. An elderly french couple that stand in front of them. Despite that Felix still feels the need to whisper close to Hyunjin for some reason. Hyunjin is greedy and lets himself bask in his proximity. Taking a breath, he smiles as Felix's familiar scent fills his nose. “The Louvre?”

“Actually…” Hyunjin pulls out his phone and shows Felix what he searched for. “Musée d’Orsey has a Van Gogh exhibit right now. If you’d want to go? The queues shouldn’t be as long.”

“Oh, Starry night, yeah?”

Hyunjin nods excitedly. “Yes,” he agrees, happy Felix knows the name of the painting.

“Perfect.”

“Perfect,” Hyunjin agrees and laughs just because Felix sounds as excited as Hyunjin feels.

Felix laughs with him and the elderly couple in front of them glances back. They both grow quiet, not meaning to disturb them. But the couple smiles and says something in french before the lift reaches the lobby and the doors open on a pleasant little ping.

The elderly couple precedes them out but both Hyunjin and Felix are too excited for their slow pace and so they end up apologising and hurrying past. They are helped at the hotel to find a taxi. It's not until they sit in the back seat and on their way that Hyunjin asks Felix what the couple in the lift said. Felix isn't fluent in french or anything but Hyunjin knows that since the first time they were here he has been brushing up on the french he learned in school.

Felix brushes the question off. "They just said; cute. Basically," he says and the way Felix is strangely focused on his sleeve for a few seconds makes Hyunjin think there is something more to that but he doesn't press.

They arrive at the museum and end up waiting in line for over an hour and half. But neither of them seem to mind much. They chat about random things they remember about Paris and spend some parts in just companionable silence. This is one thing Hyunjin forgot about being with just Felix. He never feels the need to talk. The silence never needs to be filled. It is nice. Just existing together.

However long they had to wait in line matters little when they step through the door and enter the grande hall and the central aisle. The vaulted high ceiling is enough to rob Hyunjin of breath. The intricate geometrical patterns grazing it speaking of a bygone era when this was still a railway station and a hotel. When beauty was more important than functionality and the world moved at a slower pace. Sculptures line the aisle in front of them, stretching much of the length of the building, all the way to the grande golden clock hanging at the far side.

There is art everywhere and Hyunjin feels like he could spend the whole day here and it wouldn’t be enough. He turns his head and notices Felix watching him. But immediately as Hyunjin looks back Felix looks away.

“What?” Hyunjin asks, curious why Felix always looks away.

Felix rubs his neck and doesn’t meet Hyunjin’s gaze. “Nothing,” he says. But then he sighs like he himself feels like he’s being silly. He raises his head then and meets Hyunjin’s eyes.

Felix’s cheeks are tinted the slightest shade of pink, just enough to make those freckles of his turn more cinnamon in colour. His eyes are bright and smiley and Hyunjin finds himself having a hard time swallowing.

“You just looked mesmerising,” Felix says, smiling wide and making a motion in the air with his hand. Hyunjin swears his heart does some strange flip in his chest. “Mesmerised,” Felix quickly corrects. “I mean mesmerised. Like awed.” Felix is smiling at his own mistake in that sweet way he does that is a little crooked. Hyunjin laughs. He can’t help it.

“Come on,” he says.

They both get headphones to help guide them through the museum and they start off together. They go past sculptures so fine they look alive, ready to spring form their pedestals and dance down the halls. They pass paintings with such detail they could stare at them for hours and still end up missing something.

But then Hyunjin gets caught on one of Gogh’s paintings of the french countryside. The scene itself isn’t that remarkable but Hyunjin loves the soft colours he used. Much more harmonious than many of his other paintings. Like Gogh saw the world much more vividly than everyone else and sometimes when Hyunjin looks at his paintings it almost seems too much. Like it hurts his head to take that in and he imagines perhaps that is what Van Gogh felt. Like it was all too much.

When he finally manages to tear his eyes away and look up, Felix is gone. Something else must have caught his attention, or he simply wandered on without realising Hyunjin had stopped.

Hyunjin ends up forgoing the headphones they were given fairly quickly when he’s on his own. Even though the guide does have a korean language selection he’d rather enjoy the works as they are first. He gets his own headphones out of his bag and puts them on. He scrolls through his playlists and choses a melancholy one. Even if it doesn’t fit many of the vibrant prime colours Van Gogh liked to use it fits the brush strokes somehow. Like Hyunjin can feel the melancholy behind many of them.

One of the softly sad songs Felix once recommended to him fills Hyunjin’s ears as he continues through the exhibit. He admires the art and takes it in as much as he can. But he can’t help but keep an eye out for Felix too. The little piece of art he brought with him, he thinks with a private chuckle.

Hyunjin finally finds him sitting on a bench in front of a large Monet. Hyunjin can’t remember the name of it but he’s seen pictures in books. It’s a beautiful piece. Especially from the distance Hyunjin is at, a few metres behind Felix. All Monet’s wonderful use of colour and composition comes to life. How the light filters through the trees and he can imagine if he touched it he’d feel the heat from the sun through the paint. But however beautiful the artwork it doesn’t hold Hyunjin’s attention just then. Not like the boy sitting in front of it.

Felix tied his hair back in a bun at some point. It lets Hyunjin hint the curve of his neck. It looks paler than it is, against the black of his jacket. A delicate line, smooth and refined and not for Hyunjin to touch he finds himself thinking. Like he needs the reminder. It’s been months since they were that relaxed and free with each other after all.

A few blonde tendrils fall a little messily over the collar of Felix’s jacket. He looks relaxed. Calm. Even from this angle. Hyunjin gets his camera out and snaps a couple of shots. He knows he should ask Felix before taking pictures but he hopes he won’t mind.

He moves a little to the left so that he can snap a couple more shots and capture Felix’s profile. He’s beautiful, Hyunjin thinks and lowers the camera. Lowers it because even though the lens will capture Felix perfectly Hyunjin still finds himself wanting to experience him with his own eyes. Like perhaps this unguarded moment he gets to watch Felix is more precious because it is fleeting. Once he notices Hyunjin it will be over.

Felix has the museums headphones on and he looks to be listening raptly to whatever the recorded voice is telling him about the painting. Then he tilts his head to the side and a little smile tugs at his lips. Hyunjin smiles simply because Felix does and then he raises his camera and takes another shot. He looks down at the picture he just took, the screen showing him what he knows is there.

Felix. With his blonde hair and lips tugged in a cute half smile. It's a nice picture and Hyunjin just wishes he could capture the emotion too. The way he feels as he looks at Felix like this. He wonders if that is a thing you can trap in a picture the way you can with paint.

The next second Felix turns and spots him. Felix smiles brightly as he does and Hyunjin snaps another shot.

“Hey, hey,” Felix says. “You shouldn’t take my picture when I’m not ready,” he says, still smiling. He knows Hyunjin will send him all the pictures later anyway.

Hyunjin lowers the camera and smiles back at Felix. “Sorry,” he says. “You looked really beautiful.”

Felix was getting up from his seat but he pauses at that and looks over at Hyunjin. He can’t really read the expression on Felix’s face. Perhaps Hyunjin shouldn’t have said that. He used to tell Felix often. But maybe this is another thing they don’t do anymore.

Before Hyunjin can overthink it Felix is on his feet and that smile of his is back. He raises his own camera now.

“I can take a picture of you as well then?” he says and even though Hyunjin feels self conscious he can’t very well say no. Not that he’s ever been able to say no to Felix.

He struggles to stay still and relax his face as Felix takes his picture. Hyunjin can see how Felix grins even behind the camera and Hyunjin laughs, covering his mouth in an attempt not to disturb the other museum goers.

“Stay still,” Felix urges him but it’s too late now and Hyunjin chuckles and joins Felix. Felix holds up his camera to show the pictures. The first one is okay but the next few ones are just Hyunjin laughing and either covering his face or having his head bent back at an angle that does not look like it should be possible without breaking his neck. “I love this one,” Felix says and zooms in on Hyunjin’s face. Hyunjin’s hand has slipped enough to reveal the curve of his smile and his eyes are scrunched up into half moons. “You look happy,” Felix concludes.

Hyunjin isn’t sure why he does what he does next. Perhaps he simply couldn’t fight the urge or perhaps the happiness swirling inside makes him a little reckless. But Hyunjin reaches out his hand and brushes a single strand of Felix’s wispy blonde hair out of his face. Perhaps he shouldn’t but he lets his fingertips brush against Felix’s cheek before he curls the strand behind Felix’s ear, the motion slow and careful.

Felix looks up at him, his eyes wide and Hyunjin thinks that he should pull his hand back. He shouldn’t let his fingertips brush along the shell of Felix’s ear. Shouldn’t linger. But he does. He can’t help the smile that tugs at his lips as he arranges Felix’ hair like it’s the most important thing he’s done all day.

He notices a couple of freckles scattered on Felix’s ear. One on the top and one right next to one of his silver earrings. Were they always there? Are they new or did Hyunjin somehow forget? He’s sure he memorised most of them at some point. He’s drawn Felix so he had to. At least that was always the excuse he told himself. To allow himself to study the other boy without having to look too deeply into why he so often found himself doing that.

“I am happy,” Hyunjin admits before he drops his hand and he feels heat warm his skin. To cover it up he raises his camera again. He counts to three out loud to make sure Felix is ready when he takes his picture this time.

Hyunjin lowers the camera slowly. Though there is warmth in Felix's eyes there is a question too and Hyunjin finds himself scrambling to answer the unspoken words.

“Just needed to see your face,” Hyunjin says. “For the picture.”

The words are a little unsteady because Hyunjin isn’t sure they’re true and he’s a terrible liar. Is that why he did it? Why he touched Felix? To take a better picture? He doesn’t remember thinking that. He doesn’t remember thinking at all. He just reached out.

It takes one heartbeat. Hyunjin knows because he counts it. Feels it in his chest. One heartbeat and Felix smiles at him. “Right,” he says. “Of course.”

They’re still standing in the middle of the gallery. Sunbeams falling on the floor at their feet. Surrounded by beautiful art by artist who are long gone but live forever in the strokes they painted so long ago. The quiet sounds of people moving and murmuring fills the space and not one of them pays attention to them where they stand. No one sees the cosmic shifts between the two boys as they struggle to find their footing.

“So,” Felix says. “Show me your favourite painting so far.” And there is really only one thing to do when Felix smiles like that. Smile back.

Hyunjin nods and leads him back amongst the paintings. He looks for the one that had captivated him before. They find it and Felix listens to the guide on his headphones. He speaks the words out loud for Hyunjin and Hyunjin nods along. But he finds himself watching Felix as he talks in that soft, deep voice of his far more than Hyunjin is looking at the painting now.

Felix doesn’t notice or doesn’t mind. He smiles and keeps talking. Something about the field that is depicted in the work. About the use of colours. Felix is clearly listening to the guide in english and he struggles translating some of the words into korean, being words they don’t use very often themselves and they both end up working it out together.

“You’re getting better at english than me,” Felix says with a happy grin.

“Oh, no,” Hyunjin says immediately shaking his hands to emphasise how wrong Felix is about that. “You make me sound like you,” Hyunjin says and chuckles. "You and Chan."

“Oh, yeah right,” Felix agrees. “Here.” Felix says, dropping the 'r' at the end.

“Heaah,” Hyunjin copies and they both laugh. It is a reminder of moments they’ve shared that are gone but clearly not forgotten. Hyunjin finds some comfort in that. That Felix hasn’t forgotten. "Oh!" Hyunjin exclaims and suddenly grabs Felix's hand. "I have to show you this."

He pulls the other boy away from Van Gogh and takes him all the way to another room. Instead of paintings, photographs line the pristine grey walls. Most of them are black and white. Old.

Hyunjin holds on to Felix's hand as he pulls him along. He tries not to think about how it fits in his. How easy. Even as he does he finds himself squeezing Felix's hand as though to assure himself he's really there. To his surprise Felix squeezes back.

Hyunjin glances at him over his shoulder and Felix smiles as him. He looks so happy. Happy to follow Hyunjin and let him show whatever it is he is so eager to. Didn't even ask what it is. It makes Hyunjin feel privileged and grateful and humble. He wishes there was some way to tell Felix. To explain how he feels. But he's never been able to do that. Not when it comes to Felix. They've talked about everything. Silly things and important things. Heartbreaking things and happy things. But never how they feel. Never.

Hyunjin stops in front of a black and white photograph of a man. He's leaning on his side, one leg bent at the knee and staring unflinchingly into the camera. Hyunjin grins and turns to Felix to see if he sees the same thing Hyunjin does. But Felix isn't looking at the photo. He's looking at Hyunjin and when Hyunjin turns, their eyes meet and Felix doesn't look away. Hyunjin is pretty sure this is the moment where he usually looks away. Whenever their eyes would accidentally meet across the practice room or on the stage. Lately Felix has always looked away. Even just as they entered the museum he did.

It sends a strange kind of thrill down Hyunjin's spine and he fights the urge to shiver. If he did Felix would surely ask why and he doesn't know what to say.

"Can you see it?" Hyunjin asks and hears how unsteady his own voice sounds.

Felix shakes his head as though he'd been lost in something. Hyunjin tells himself that it was not them or this moment. That's not something for Felix to get lost in. Probably just some thought that had nothing to do with his surroundings. Nothing to do with Hyunjin. Surely not.

Hyunjin points at the photo and Felix turns his head. "You see it?" Hyunjin asks again.

Felix takes a step forwards as he looks at the photo and Hyunjin let's his hand regretfully slide out of Felix's.

"It's..." Felix trails off before he looks back at Hyunjin.

"Lee Know!" they both say in unison.

They burst out laughing. It starts out as just amusement but quickly turns a bit hysterical as they look at the photo.

The man depicted doesn't look like Minho in the strictest sense. For one thing he is much older. But his features have some of the sharpness of Minho's. That ridiculously straight jaw and perfect nose. But it is the glare into the camera and the pose that makes it all Minho.

"I have to take a picture of this," Felix laughs and pulls out his phone. He snaps a shot and sends it directly in their group chat.

Jeongin is the first to reply with a simple 'MINHO HYUNG?'. It's followed by both gifs and laughing emojis from everyone else and Hyunjin and Felix quickly decide that they are going to find the doppelgängers of every member in the photos and the artwork.

Hyunjin is laughing as he takes a picture of a movie playing on the wall. It’s of a cancan dancer pouting cutely at the camera with one finger to her lips.

"Changbin," Felix says and he laughs too.

It's the laugh that Hyunjin loves. The one that comes from deep down in Felix's throat. Like he doesn't have control over it. Hyunjin feels the joy of it fill his chest. It’s heady and bubbly the happiness that surges through him just because he's a part of something that made Felix smile.

How could he have forgotten that being around Felix is like this? Did he forget? Or did he not dare think about it because he thought he couldn’t have that anymore? Like he just wasn’t one of those privileged people who got to make Felix happy.

Well, perhaps that is true and perhaps it isn’t. Perhaps today is all they’re getting. If it is Hyunjin is going to treasure it. Remember every single moment and wrap them up and keep them. So that if he loses this again he can take them out and remember what it was like. That day in Paris when he was happy with Felix.

Chapter Text

They found the restaurant with the help of a phone call to one of their managers. It’s a beautiful place, tucked into a street corner. A little secluded among the bustle of Paris. Paris has a soft kind of bustle to it, Felix thinks. There's a current of motion that is easy to fall into.

Felix loves Paris. Loves it for its beauty and its freedom. He wonders if it feels so free because there is art everywhere. In the architecture, in the shops, the parks, the fashion and the people themselves. So much room for expression. It’s welcomed. Asked for even. What could be more freeing then the freedom to be yourself? Just as you are and be celebrated for it?

Turns out their manager was also kind enough to secure them a table in a corner. So that they can enjoy the atmosphere, the sounds and the people but still not be in the middle of it. They are currently seated opposite each other next to a set of large french windows that gives them a beautiful view of the quiet Parisian street outside.

They’re both sitting with their large menus trying to decide what to order when everything looks delicious.

“I want everything,” Hyunjin says, like he read Felix’s mind and Hyunjin chuckles behind his menu.

They end up asking the waiter and they both say yes to everything he suggests. They’re both laughing as the waiter takes their menus. He smiles at them both before leaving.

“Aah, everything is so beautiful here,” Hyunjin sighs and leans back a little in his chair.

Felix looks up at him and smiles. He watches as Hyunjin combs his dark hair away from his face only to have it fall back again. He's got that pensive look that he gets when he's lost in his own head.

His leather jacket is hung over the chair next to him along with the scarf he wore. He's in a black tank top and a knitted cardigan now and even though the outfit should be casual he somehow looks like he belongs here. Among the dark wood panelling and pristine white table tops. And all Felix can think is that he’s right. Everything is really beautiful.

“Which painting did you end up liking best?” Felix asks, clearing his throat and hoping Hyunjin didn't notice him staring.

“Oh, so many,” Hyunjin says without even thinking. “All of them.”

Felix laughs. It’s easy and light. There’s been a knot in his chest for quite a while. Long enough that he’s stopped thinking about it. It’s just been a part of him and he didn’t even realise it was still there until now. Now when he feels it begin to unravel.

He sits and listens to Hyunjin talking about the art and its fascinating how much more he always sees in a painting than Felix does. He realises that he’s really missed this. Listening to Hyunjin talking about things he’s passionate about. He can be so incredibly shy at times but he’s not when he talks about the things he loves. He’s animated and loud and it’s infectious.

“What about you?” Hyunjin asks just as the food arrives. They both pause the conversation and thank the waiter over and over again because everything looks amazing.

They both try the food and moan with delight at the same time, ending up pointing and chuckling at each other. They eat in silence for a while just to enjoy it.

“I did really like the one you found me at,” Felix says then, to answer Hyunjin’s earlier question.

Hyunjin nods around his food. “Mhmm. Monet.”

“I like the little kid in the corner and it was very…” he searches a moment for the right word. “…calm. I felt calm?”

Hyunjin is glancing up at him, smiling. “Same for me but-.” He nods while he chews and swallows quickly, like he’s eager to tell Felix about it. “Woman and the parasol.”

“Which one was that?” Felix asks.

Hyunjin reaches for his bag and pulls out his camera. He clicks through it until he finds the picture he’s looking for then he gets up from his chair. He could have just handed Felix the camera but instead he joins Felix on his side. They lean their heads together as Hyunjin shows him the picture. It’s of a woman in a meadow, the wind pulling gently on her dress. Felix remembers it and he can instantly see why Hyunjin would like it. It’s soft and wistful. Romantic somehow even though the woman is alone in the painting. Like the wind is trying to tug her towards something. Something she longs for.

“I think this one was my favourite,” Hyunjin says.

“This was Monet as well, yeah?” Felix says and Hyunjin nods, scrolling through the next couple of pictures.

The painting is in those too but it’s not the focus of the shots. Instead Felix is.

“You took so many pictures with me in them,” Felix says.

Hyunjin glances up at Felix. "Is that okay?" he asks.

"Yeah. I took plenty of you too." Felix nods as they look through a few more pictures. "You're easy to take pictures of," he continues. "You always look good."

"Oh, our sunshine is such a charmer," Hyunjin jokes and nudges Felix shoulder with his own.

Felix's isn't sure why at first but it makes him blush. He feels it travel up his neck and touch his cheeks. He turns back to his food in an attempt to hide it and realises then what it is. It was the nickname. Or rather Hyunjin using it. He doesn't really do that much anymore. Like he somehow grew out of it. Or perhaps they both did.

"Hey, did I say something wrong?" Hyunjin asks and Felix immediately looks over at him.

"No," he assures quickly and the worried look in Hyunjin's eyes makes Felix keep going. "I just realised it's been a while since you called me that." Hyunjin frowns like he doesn't understand. "Sunshine," Felix clarifies. "Or angel or Lixie or any of the things you used to call me, really."

Hyunjin looks pensive, like he considers it. "I don't do it?" he asks and Felix shakes his head. "When did I stop?"

"Don't know really," Felix admits, he hasn't thought about it that much. It was simply something that fell away over time. That he hasn't realised he missed until he was reminded of it. The sort of thing that when you lose it you don’t question it. You simple make room for it not being there anymore or try to fill it with something else. Because if you questioned it, it might hurt.

"I'll try to start again if you want me to?" Hyunjin says and his voice is sweet and a little indulgent. Like he'll do this for Felix's sake if he wants him to.

Felix returns to his pasta, swirling it with his fork. "You don't have to do that," he says, shaking his head. It's silly but he doesn't want Hyunjin to do it just for him. Just because Felix is feeling sentimental. "Childish anyway, right?"

Felix expects Hyunjin to agree. That yes, of course it is silly and childish and there is no reason to keep it up. But Hyunjin is quiet like he waits for something. Felix doesn't know what so he turns to see. He finds Hyunjin with his head tilted a little to the side as he regards him. Like what he was waiting for was just Felix's attention.

"Do you think that or do you think I do?" Hyunjin asks. Felix can't help but feel a mixture of happiness and guilt at Hyunjin still knowing him that well. Well enough to guess were the insecurity came from.

"You don't?" Felix asks, missing a time when he would have known without asking. He's not even sure why. It's such a small thing and he knows it shouldn’t matter so much.

It takes a while for Hyunjin to say anything like he really thinks about it before he does. "I think I used to call you nicknames because it made me feel like some part of you was mine," he says and Felix’s breath hitches before he can think to stop it.

His mind spins, trying to grasp what Hyunjin said and what he means. It can't be one and the same.

"What?" he stutters out and he drops his fork. It clatters as it lands on his plate.

A blush blooms over Hyunjin's cheeks. "That sounded stupid." he says, shaking his head. "Sorry."

"No, I-" Felix begins but doesn't know what to say.

Hyunjin glances over at him and Felix has the sudden urge to be closer. To move closer to Hyunjin or pull him in, he isn't sure. But he is sure what it means, that he wants that. But that is the thing with Hyunjin. Felix always wants more than he should. He wants but he's not daring enough to do it or brave enough to ask so they both just sit there, trapped on some kind of tipping edge, fearful of what moving either way will mean.

"It doesn't sound stupid," Felix manages to get out.

Hyunjin watches him for a moment before he reaches out his hand and ruffles Felix's hair affectionately.

"Cute," he says and before Felix can do anything Hyunjin has gotten up and moved back to his seat.

Felix can't help but lament the loss of him. Like there was an opportunity here that Felix missed. A thing he should have said or done to make Hyunjin want to stay next to him instead of moving away.

They go through more of their photos and shoot a small video for STAY. Felix can't help but reach out more then he's done with Hyunjin in a long while. And when Hyunjin does the same Felix feels almost giddy.

They finish their food and are back outside as dusk falls. The trees are hung with lights and Felix isn’t sure if its a remnant from Christmas and New Years or if they’re there all year round. It makes the street look a little like it’s taken from an old movie. One of those old Hollywood ones when it was all about lighting and soft angles.

"Do you want to go back to the hotel?" Felix asks and he doesn't like saying it. Hates the idea of this day ending already.

"Are you tired?" Hyunjin asks and his focus isn't quite on Felix but on everything around them. The quiet cobblestoned street and the lights and the church tower in the distance. He looks like he's trying to soak it all up. Take it all in. Felix loves Paris but he imagines Hyunjin loves it even more.

"No," Felix says. In fact he's sure he hasn't felt this awake in months.

Hyunjin's gaze drops to Felix then. "Do you wanna go somewhere?" he asks and smiles.

Felix is nodding before he even thinks to ask where Hyunjin wants to go. Hyunjin's grin widens at that and he holds out his hand. Felix doesn’t hesitate. His hand slips into Hyunjin's and before either of them can second guess any of it their fingers tighten around each other and they are hurrying down the street.

Hyunjin is pulling Felix along like he knows where he's going and eventually Felix has to ask because by now he has no idea where they are.

"Hyune, do you even know where we're going?" Felix asks.

Hyunjin gives another tug on his hand and laughs. "We have to catch a bus," Hyunjin says. "Come on, Felix," he sings.

They hurry down the street as evening falls around them and lights come on at corners. Shops are still open and Felix swears there is a new café on every street they pass. Warm lights spills from the windows and they hear the lovely sound of twinkling glasses and cups and conversations in french neither of them can understand.

Hyunjin stumbles to a stop and pulls his hand out of Felix's. He gets his phone out of his pocket and checks something quick before he is off again, telling Felix to hurry and follow him. Felix laughs, thinking he would most likely follow Hyunjin anywhere right now.

They turn another corner and reach a bus-stop where a bus conveniently waits. It's not at all like the ones Felix has seen roaming around the city. It's small and kind of cute with big windows that would make sure they didn't miss a single thing they would go past.

They get on and Hyunjin somehow manages to pay all by himself, without Felix helping with either english or french. They sit down and Hyunjin offers Felix the window seat.

"Have you done this before?" Felix asks and Hyunjin shakes his head.

"There's an app," he says, holding up his phone.

"Hey, look at you, all prepared," Felix says and Hyunjin laughs.

They sit next to each other as the bus takes them onwards. Felix hints narrow streets and cute store fronts going by outside. He feels Hyunjin’s shoulder touch his before he points out window.

“Look.”

Felix looks where he points and sees a sign go by in a shop window. A pirate skull and Japanese letters below it. It’s an anime they both know that Jisung made them watch not long ago. The world is so much smaller than you think sometimes.

The bus takes them up a steep hill, through winding streets and past old buildings that must have stood here since the turn of the century. Both Felix and Hyunjin are all but glued to the window the whole ride.

Before long the bus stops and Hyunjin nudges Felix. "Let's go," he says and they both hurry off the bus.

Though dusk has fallen it isn't wholly dark. Lights spill onto the streets from nocks between stone arches and balastadres. The streetlights are sparse but the light is soft enough that it smudges at the edges the way lights do sometimes in the dark. Felix follows Hyunjin as they walk up the narrow cobbled street.

"I don't know exactly where we're supposed to go," Hyunjin admits as he turns, walking backwards so that he can look at Felix as he talks. "But I think we should keep going up."

Felix smiles at him. "Up it is," he agrees.

They pass buildings covered in so many vines the facades must turn completely green once spring comes. The higher they go the more light greets them. Warm light spilling from cafés and small pubs. Like little fairy lights they dance in the blue colours of dusk, beckoning them both to keep going up. The buildings are mostly either white or pastel coloured stone. But many pubs and café fronts are wood, painted in vibrant colours of green and blue and red.

Most of the souvenir shops seem to have closed at this hour but some are still opened, displaying artwork and crafts and countless nicknacks.

Felix is sure he knows where they are now. "Did you take me to Montmartre?" Felix asks Hyunjin and he grins and nods.

They pass some people, tourists and Parisians alike. But most are heading in the opposite direction, down the hill instead of up. Felix can imagine it would all be buzzing late into the night during the summer or even now in winter but during the day.

Hyunjin nudges his shoulder gently against Felix's as they walk side by side. They both turn their heads and smile at each other. Hyunjin's recent hairstyle suits him really well but it makes his bangs repeatedly fall in front of his eyes and Felix has to keep fighting the urge to reach out and brush them away.

"Hey." Hyunjin nudges Felix again. He reaches out and takes his hand. The action is surprisingly slow. Not like Hyunjin is moving slowly but like time is. Felix watches as Hyunjin’s hand wraps around his and then shifts to lace their fingers together. He feels it to. Skin against skin. Perfect but not enough. Never enough. "This okay?"

Felix is already nodding, quick to, so Hyunjin won’t think to take his hand away. To think Felix would ever want him to let go. Hyunjin smiles at him. Slow and soft and Felix is almost surprised at how beautiful Hyunjin is like this. He shouldn’t be surprised. He knows Hyunjin is handsome. Handsome enough for people to do a double take when they meet him or even just walk by him on the street. But perhaps Felix hasn’t allowed himself to really look for a long time and that’s why it surprises him now when he does.

“Come here, Yongbokkie,” Hyunjin says and tugs on Felix’s hand.

Felix does not need to be offered this sort of thing twice. He goes easily. Hyunjin places both their hands inside his pocket, either thinking it’s less noticeable that way or just to keep them both warm. It works. It warms Felix’s entire body and he leans his head against Hyunjin’s shoulder for a moment as they walk.

Felix thinks he can feel how both of them relax. Like Felix isn’t the only one with a knot in his chest that is finally untying itself.

That's when the narrow, comfy street opens up into a wide open space, the Sacré-Cœur Basilica rising up in front of them. It is a beautiful church. The large centre copula and its four smaller sisters bellow creates a striking silhouette against the night sky. It’s lit even now so that anyone walking by can admire the arches and domes and the architectural delight of it. Felix can't imagine it was a cold or expedient person that designed such a thing. It must have come from the heart of someone with grand dreams and a devote heart. At least he likes to imagine it did.

Hyunjin let's go of Felix's hand and fishes his camera out of his bag instead. Felix wants to ask for it back. But they did climb all the way up here and it would be foolish not to take pictures now that they're here. Since they need both their hands for that Felix doesn’t retake Hyunjin's hand or tug him into some shadow below a tree to hold on to him the way he wants to. Instead he gets his own camera out.

They both take several photos of the church. Probably more than they need to, both trying their best to capture the grandeur. They get caught up in the fun of it. Taking picture after picture and showing each other, playing with the settings on the cameras to get more interesting shots.

"Here, come on," Felix says and holds up his camera in front of them to take a picture of him and Hyunjin together too. He snaps a quick photo and immediately checks it. It's too close and makes them both look a little blurry.

Felix looks around and spots two French ladies standing by the large stairs that leads from the basilica down to the plateau overlooking Paris. They’re talking and pointing out over the city.

"I'll ask them to take a photo of us," Felix says and heads off before Hyunjin has a chance to fret about talking to strangers, which Felix is quite certain he would have done if given the chance.

Felix walks up to the two french women who are the only other people around. He's a little unsure so the french words that tumble off his lips are shaky and his voice is far deeper than normal. But he wants to practice.

They both smile at Felix and nod their heads as he holds out the camera. One of them takes it and Felix shows her which button to press.

Felix goes back to fetch Hyunjin, dragging him to stand at the top of the stairs so that they will have all of Paris at their backs. The woman takes a picture but the other one waves her hand at them.

"Closer," she says. “Aller, aller.”

Felix takes a hesitant step closer to Hyunjin. There is still quite a bit of space between them and the woman sighs in the most french way possible. The way Felix's french teacher used to do when he mixed up his gender nouns. The woman says something more in french and all Felix catches is 'amants and ennemis'. Lovers or enemies. It makes him blush but he reaches out for Hyunjin's arm and tugs him closer anyway.

Hyunjin stumbles a little as he goes, like he wasn't ready for it. Both the women smile approvingly as they take several more shots.

"Ah, Bisous, bisous," the woman jokes and Felix's heart rate picks up at the mere thought of it.

He has to remind himself that they're abroad and France is different. A kiss in public doesn't have to mean the same thing here. Doesn't have to carry the same weight as back home. Though he’s worried it wouldn’t really matter where they were. Because even if he were to kiss Hyunjin, like he's seen male friends and female friends do several times all day it would still surely carry more weight than either of them can carry.

So Felix laughs and leaves Hyunjin to fetch his camera. He thanks the two women and they give him brilliant smiles in turn before they walk away. They link arms and the twinkle of their laughter and clicks of their heals against the stones trail behind them as they go.

Felix returns to Hyunjin. He flips through the photos and hold the camera out for Hyunjin to see them too. But Hyunjin isn't looking at the small screen. Felix can feel it. Hyunjin is watching him and it's enough to make heat flare up Felix's neck. He is curious enough to want to turn and meet Hyunjin's eyes but he's not sure what he'll see there and so keeps his eyes on the photos flashing by instead.

"What was she saying?" Hyunjin asks then and Felix stops flipping through the pictures.

"I don't know," Felix says, feeling his stomach twist at the lie. "She spoke too fast."

"Even I know bisous means kiss," Hyunjin says curiously and Felix doesn't understand how Hyunjin sounds cute even speaking french. It is just one word but it sounds so adorable he's close to asking Hyunjin to repeat it like he hadn't heard what he said even though he did.

"It's nothing. They were just being... french," Felix tries to wave it off.

"Is that why you are blushing?"

Felix feels Hyunjin's knuckles brush carefully across his cheek like Hyunjin was curious to see if he could feel the heat there too. The touch makes Felix's breath catch and he holds it, scared to let it go. Scared it will somehow reveal something he's not sure he’s ready for Hyunjin to see.

Hyunjin begins to withdraw his hand. He mumbles some apology Felix doesn't quite hear. But it makes him look up and catch Hyunjin's hand, because he doesn't want Hyunjin to apologise for touching him.

Felix moves his thumb back and forth over Hyunjin's hand. The smoothness of his skin is familiar. The shape of his hand too. The way Felix's fingers look small next to Hyunjin's long and elegant ones. Artist hands Felix thinks and not for the first time. He's seen what they can create, what beauty they hold. He turns Hyunjin's hand over and leans down before he can think of it. To take stock of what he's doing. He places a soft kiss to the inside of Hyunjin's wrist.

He feels Hyunjin's pulse jump against his lips as he does but he doesn't pull his hand away. So Felix lets his lips linger, even closing his eyes for a moment so he can enjoy feeling the beat of Hyunjin's pulse against his lips.

He realises he's never done that before. Paid attention to the way Hyunjin's heart beats. They've known each other for so long and yet he's never allowed himself to really learn the rhythm.

"Felix." Hyunjin sounds breathless, like Felix's name is pulled out of his lungs and the air with it. "What are you doing?" He laughs. But that is breathless too.

Felix looks up but he doesn’t let go of Hyunjin’s hand. His eyes meet Hyunjin's and they're infinitely dark. Like there is no end to them. No end to the things contained inside. All the beautiful thoughts Felix isn't privy to, all the aspirations he never hears about first hand, all the passion and love Hyunjin has for so many things but so rarely shares with Felix anymore.

In that moment Felix longs. Longs for Hyunjin so much his bones hurt with it. He's so caught up in how this feeling settles in him that he doesn't realise what Hyunjin is doing until he feels his lips against his and Felix's mind goes blank.

He doesn't know how long the kiss last. It could have been only a second or time could have slowed to a halt and they could have stood there until dawn. It's a soft kind of pressure. One that is there without asking for anything. Without pushing for something more. It simply is like it is meant to be. Was always meant to be.

It's not until Hyunjin pulls back that Felix's brain decides to start working again. It floods his senses all at once. How soft Hyunjin's lips felt. How gentle it was and how he could tell Hyunjin held his breath. The way his eyes closed and Hyunjin's eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks before he pulled back.

Felix’s body feels like it swells with this warm feeling and he struggles to name it. Struggles because he’s not sure he’s ever felt that way from a kiss before. He’s used to his heart beating faster and the anticipation for where it might lead to excite him. Kissing is the start of something. Or a stop on the way towards something else.

Never has he really felt like it was the destination. Never has he wanted the moment to stop completely so that he can be in it for longer. To stay there, burry down in it and never leave.

Felix knows he should do more. Like say something but he just stares at Hyunjin and for a second Hyunjin just stares back. Until Felix watches Hyunjin's face fall as though it takes him a moment to realise what he just did.

His hand flies to his mouth to cover it. "I'm sorry," he breathes, his eyes widening in fear or regret or utter terror, Felix can't tell. "I don't know why I did that."

It is that word again. Sorry. It hurts when it’s supposed to do the opposite because what if Hyunjin is sorry he did it. What if he wants to take it back. Felix doesn't know what to do if he takes it back.

But before Felix can say anything Hyunjin turns away. He pulls his hand out of Felix’s and only then does Felix realise he was still holding it. Hyunjin walks down the steps of the plaza and stops at the stone railing at the edge, the only thing separating him from the vastness of the city beyond. He leans his hands on the stone, his head falling forwards between his shoulders.

The sight of him tugs at Felix just like it always does and he’s already hurrying down the steps. Desperate to ease and comfort if nothing else. As he reaches Hyunjin he has already decided not to overthink it and he wraps his arms around him. He holds Hyunjin tight as he places his cheek against his back.

Felix is grateful. That’s what that warm feeling is. It’s wrapped up in so much more. In something that comforts like his heart is held gently. Something else too that stirs and thrills and makes his skin tingle and yearn for more. But the warmth is what he felt the strongest. Hyunjin gave him a gift and Felix is so grateful for that gift.

He hugs Hyunjin tighter, desperate to give some of that feeling back in return. Hyunjin deserves it. For taking the step where neither of them have dared to before.

It takes a moment and then Felix feels Hyunjin's hand wrap around his. It's warm and solid. Something to cling to in this cold, beautiful night that somehow feels infinite now. Like the touch of Hyunjin's lips was enough to open a door to a wider sky, a grander world with opportunities that Felix never dared dream about before. Felix feels Hyunjin take a deep breath and breathes along with him like he can't help it. Like they're meant to move in tandem.

"I shouldn't have done that," Hyunjin says and he sounds defeated. Like he's been fighting a battle he didn't know was already lost.

“Why?” Felix asks and he squeezes his eyes shut. Like that will somehow help if Hyunjin takes it back. Like that will stop the hurt he knows will come if he does.

Felix is holding Hyunjin tightly enough that he feels how he stops breathing. Just for a couple of seconds before he starts again.

“You didn’t kiss me back.” Hyunjin says it softly, his voice trembling and Felix feels it in the way his breath hitches beneath his hands.

Felix finds himself smiling. It starts slow but quickly spreads wide. Wide enough that he almost starts laughing. He raises his head and leans his forehead against Hyunjin’s back instead, even nudging him a little.

“That’s why?” Felix says and a chuckle escapes him. It’s one of relief. Of fear being let go. Hyunjin doesn't regret it. Isn't taking it back. He just wanted Felix to kiss him back.

Hyunjin untangles himself from Felix. “Are you laughing?” He turns and he stares at Felix. He looks so beautiful and lost it makes Felix chuckle again. “Stop that,” Hyunjin says.

“Sorry,” Felix is quick to say.

“Don’t laugh at me, Lix,” Hyunjin warns but Felix can see the smile tugging at his lips.

Felix realises it would be easy. To laugh this off and never speak of it again. They could go back to being friends who lost half of what they were or perhaps they can keep the friendship they retied today. Or Felix can kiss Hyunjin back and see just where that takes them. He knows what he wants but he isn't sure what is best.

“You can’t tell anyone I did that,” Hyunjin says, pointing his finger at Felix for emphasis.

“Why?” Felix teases. “It was just a kiss, right?”

“Right,” Hyunjin nods but Felix thinks he still sees something flash in Hyunjin’s eyes. Something alive and burning. Something that wants to violently or passionatly refute that claim. It calls to Felix and he wants to learn the feel of it. How that tastes.

"Unless it wasn't?" Felix asks, watching for Hyunjin's reaction. Knowing he's terrible at hiding how he feels.

Felix isn't sure what he expects Hyunjin to do but he realises he is not ready for the smile he gives. It's a smile Felix knows. He used to smile like that at Felix often. Felix thought he did it when he just thought Felix was being extra cute. It would usually make Felix smile back at him. But now he doesn't feel so sure that it's the reason he smiles like that.

Felix doesn't know how to take it or how to respond to it. To hide the nerves he feels running across his skin to all but tickle the base of his neck. So he keeps talking. Talking nonsense he realises but can't make himself stop.

"Or if it was, that's fine as well. Just warn me next time as well," Felix blabbers on.

Hyunjin tilts his head a little to the side as he keeps smiling at Felix. "Warn you?"

Felix bites his lip and nods. "Yeah, so I can mentally prepare or something."

"You need to mentally prepare if I kissed you again?" Hyunjin asks and Felix can tell he's trying not to laugh.

"Yes, you know because..." Felix trails off, searching for any explanation that is better than admitting he all but blacked out just because Hyunjin kissed him. Barely kissed him at that.

"Because?" Hyunjin repeats.

Felix searches for the words. Like he can find them hanging in the crisp evening air around them. He doesn't. Instead he finds Hyunjin's expectant dark eyes and he falters as Hyunjin moves closer again. It's just a step. A small thing really. But Felix feels surrounded suddenly. It's comforting and thrilling all at once but it doesn't exacly help him make sense of what his feeling and articulate it.

"Because?" Hyunjin asks again, and he's close enough that Felix has to tilt his head back to look into his eyes. Felix shudders as he feels Hyunjin's fingertips brush lightly against his jaw and across his cheek. "Because?" It's only a murmur now. A whisper as Hyunjin slowly leans closer.

"Because..." Felix struggles, really trying to form sentences that make sense. "It was surprising." He swallows, caught in the way Hyunjin looks at him. Like looking away is not an option.

"Is that why you didn't kiss me back?" Hyunjin murmurs.

Felix nods. Hyunjin chuckles at that and it makes Felix smile. Hyunjin laughing always does that. Makes Felix want to join in.

"Okay," Hyunjin allows and his knuckles brush lightly across Felix's lips. Felix leans into it, he can't help it. "Not yet," Hyunjin says, his voice nearly as soft as his touch.

"Not yet?" Felix asks and Hyunjin shakes his head with a tighlipped smile that makes his dimples show.

"Soon," he says and licks his lips as Felix watches. Hyunjin even pulls his bottom lip in between his teeth for just a moment before letting it go again. His thumb is under Felix's chin and he gently angles his face up before he leans closer over him. "Okay?"

Felix nods again and Hyunjin is inches away. A breath of space Felix wants to close with everything he has. It's years pent up of never letting himself want this. Never allowing himself to entertain the notion of what Hyunjin's lips would feel like. Of how he would kiss.

"Ready, now?" Hyunjin teases and his breath ghosts over Felix's lips making them tingle.

Felix chuckles. "If you don't kiss me like right now, Hyunjin I swear-" He never gets a chance to finish.

Hyunjin is not quite as careful this time. Not so hesitant. He moulds his lips more firmly to Felix's. A slow determined pressure that leaves Felix's knees weak. Hyunjin's thumb is still under Felix chin and he uses it to urge Felix closer to him. Felix sighs into it, sure some sound even makes its way out of his throat.

Hyunjin kisses like there is something about kissing Felix he longs to learn. Would happily spend hours musing over. Languidly and with out most care. His lips explore and it’s soft enough to make Felix’s head spin in the best possible way. Like he’s drunk on Hyunjin. Drunk on the way they move together. How neither has added any tongue yet because just lips is already enough to have Felix trembling.

But that doesn’t stop Felix from wanting more. It’s a feeling that starts at his lips and in his fingertips. Everywhere he’s touching Hyunjin. And it reaches into the core of him and pulls.

Kissing Hyunjin is better than Felix could have imagined if he tried. Because he never has. Not once. He didn't dare, afraid if he did he wouldn't ever get the image of it out of his head, scared a simple want he could ignore would have become something else. A need he might not have been able to deny.

They stand at the plaza with the basilica on one side and all of Paris at the other. They know they're too exposed like this. Even if they're in a different country there is still a risk. A risk someone will see and recognise them. A risk of exposure. But neither of them has it in them to stop now.

Hyunjin backs up and pulls Felix with him. Urges him back until the shadows envelope them and no one would be able to see them until they were stumbling over them. They're kissing again and Felix is clutching at the collar of Hyunjin's leather jacket. The pull in his gut intensifies. He wants more. So much more.

"Open your mouth," Felix breathes against Hyunjin's lips.

He does. Felix doesn’t even have time to take a breath before Hyunjin’s lips are parting and Felix's fingers tighten on his collar. He pulls Hyunjin against him, his tongue diving inside Hyunjin’s mouth. Felix struggles to stay standing as he tastes Hyunjin for the first time. It’s intoxicating. He tastes of the coffee he had after dinner and nighttime and the cold Parisian air.

Hyunjin's hands are grabbing onto Felix now. They clutch at his waist and run over his ribs like he doesn’t really know where to hold on but knowing he must. That he needs to or he’s lost. Felix strokes his tongue along Hyunjin's and hears his breath hitch as he does. He didn't know Hyunjin did that. It's a breathy little sound and Felix is already addicted to it. His mind spins with what other sounds he can draw from him.

What would he do if Felix kissed his neck right now? Would he hold him tighter? Would he moan? Or perhaps his neck isn't even something that's sensitive for him. Perhaps there are other places. Other parts of skin that likes to be licked and teased and Felix needs to know.

“Mmhm Lix,” Hyunjin sighs against his lips. “What are we doing?”

“Kissing,” Felix replies as he continues doing it, unwilling to stop. Unwilling to let go of this moment yet. Because he’s afraid they will. That a moment is all this is and once they leave Paris they’ll have to let it go.

Both of Hyunjin’s hands leave Felix’s waist to instead frame his face. He brushes both thumbs softly across Felix’s cheeks and Felix has a fleeting thought that he wonders if being with Hyunjin would be like that too. Soft and slow. Or if he’d lose himself in it like he does when he's on stage.

Hyunjin tilts his head, gently urging Felix’s lips to part more before Felix feels Hyunjin’s tongue slide into his mouth. Felix moans then. Loud enough that if anyone was still around they’d hear it. He feels like he melts into Hyunjin. Melts into the kiss and this night and the fact that he knows now. Knows how this feels. How it tastes.

It all makes Felix’s knees weak but Hyunjin wraps on arm around his waist and holds him. Presses Felix against him as Hyunjin’s fingers clutch at Felix’s hair. There is some sound coming from Hyunjin that sounds vaguely like Felix’s name. But it comes from deep in Hyunjin’s throat and vibrates though him. It sounds like a benediction, and Felix hopes he’ll never forget that tone and the way it makes him feel.

They both stop at some point. Stop the kissing. Instead they just stand, leaning against each other. Touching. Not ready to let go but not capable of taking this were surely they both want it to go either.

“Do we just forget this ever happened when we go back home?” Felix asks and his fingers suddenly feel cold so he buries them under the collar of Hyunjin’s jacket, against his skin where it’s warm.

“I don't think I can,” Hyunjin says and shakes his head. “Can you?"

Felix’s eyes are on his fingers as he plays with Hyunjin’s silver necklace and shakes his head too.

Hyunjin wraps his arms tight around Felix then as though he’s worried Felix will drift away from him again if he doesn’t hold on better. It makes Felix bury his face against Hyunjin’s neck, needing so desperately to keep that skin to skin contact. To stay connected. Hyunjin takes a deep breath, like he’s somehow trying to make more room for holding Felix closer. But they’re both as close to each other as they can get, no matter how much they try to be closer still.

At some point they let go and start making their way back. But they stay close. Fingers brushing against fingers and shoulders touching. They manage to book an Uber and it takes them back to the hotel. When they walk through the lobby they don't touch. Not once. Not by accident or intent. They take the lift up to their floor and then Hyunjin walks Felix to his door. Felix gets the key card out of his pocket but he's hesitant to use it. He doesn't want to leave Hyunjin yet. Not ready for this day to end. Problem is he knows he'll never be ready.

He glances up at Hyunjin who smiles at him. There is so much fondness and admiration in that smile that it could overwhelm Felix if he let it. Overwhelm him in the best way. Like being wrapped up in infinate warmth. Always treasured. Always loved. Becuase Hyunjin notices Felix doesn't want to leave or for another reason, Felix doesn't know but he reaches out. He touches the back of Felix hand with his finger. It's a small touch but right now it's enough to make Felix's blood sing.

"Hey," Hyunjin says and his smile turns a little crocked as he looks at Felix. "Did I mention you can see the Eiffel tower from my room? Wanna see?"

He winks and Felix laughs. Loud and happy. "Smooth."

Felix laughs even as he uses the key card to open the door and it unlocks with a pleasant little sound.

"Can't blame me for trying," Hyunjin says with a chuckle as Felix walks into his room and turns back at the door.

Felix smiles at Hyunjin because he feels so impossibly grateful. Hyunjin has always made him happy. Always looked out for him and loved him when he needed it. Even if they lost each other a little lately he's sure it was still there. That it always will be.

He smiles at Hyunjin too because he is heartbreakingly handsome where he stands, leaning agains Felix's doorjamb in his leather jacket and dark hair that's fallen back into his eyes.

He smiles because Hyunjin is the most beautiful person Felix's has ever met. Inside and out.

"I wasn't joking though," Hyunjin says. He takes a deep trembling breath but his eyes stay unflinchinly on Felix's. Enough that it makes Felix stop, caught in them. "Sleep in my room. Spend the night with me."

"Hyune," Felix is the one that sounds breathless now.

Hyunjin's eyes are a little wild as he looks at Felix. Like it took all the courage he had to ask and now he's on the other side where bravery isn't a choice anymore because there is no turning back.

Felix is already nodding. "Okay." It's a whisper but it must be loud enough for Hyunjin to hear him because he reaches out his hand and Felix takes it.

One tug and Felix is back in the hallway. Felix's door is shut and locked. Then they're hurrying down the hallway to Hyunjin's room instead. Felix sees Hyunjin's fingers tremble as he gets his own key card out but somehow he still manages to unlock the door.

One more tug and they're both inside the room. The door is shut and the only light is from outside. From the city and from the sky where the stars have winked into life one by one.

Another tug and Hyunjin pulls Felix into the room. Another one and they're by Hyunjin's bed and he sits down on the edge of it. Felix stands above him, right between Hyunjin's knees.

Felix looks down at this beautiful boy, his face cast in the light by the moon outside and lit by a city that is not their home but that they both love all the same. Felix’s fingers are gentle as they skate over sharp angles and through silky dark hair.

One more tug and Felix catches himself against Hyunjin’s shoulders.

"Sorry, did you want to see the view?" Hyunjin says.

"Thought I was." Felix grins at him.

It takes Hyunjin a moment. "Oh, I'm the view?"

They both smile before their lips meet. Before they fall into each other.

The next one isn't a tug but a push and it isn't Hyunjin that does it but Felix.