Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Connie…” 

I felt my heart stop. It’s like a scene in a movie that’s foreshadowed for the past few episodes— you know it’s going to happen, it is happening but still, you refuse to accept it is. You’re seeing it with your own two eyes, you hear it but you want to deny the reality as if ignorance is going to make things better.

“Connie… did you cough?” I asked in a soft whisper that only he could hear, my eyes fluttering around the hallway, trying to see if someone was around.

“(Y/N), I—” he took a step towards me and instantly I took a step back with my left hand outstretched in front of me, my right one hovered above the gun on my waist. “No, (Y/N), listen to me. Please, please, I need you to listen.”

“Connie, don’t move. Stay where you are.” I took my gun, holding it with both hands in front of him. I have no intention of pulling the trigger; it was only to put on a show; a reminder that if he chooses to go violent, I am the person holding a gun.

I’ve seen this a hundred times with people who were in his current position— people I had to end. They always try to bargain, deny, insist that they feel fine, that they can fight it . But no one ever could.

Connie stares at me with panicked eyes staring at the gun, one wrong move is all it takes for him and he knows it too. He didn't dare move an inch closer, he backed up to the wall behind him.

I pressed the button on my ear piece to connect me to the Infection control. Connie seemed to understand what my actions meant and I saw him open his mouth to protest but quickly closed it when the line was connected. 

“Captain (Y/N) here, I have a code 1. I repeat, I have a code 1.”

“Position?” The person on the other end asked.

“Section 2, hallway 6.” 

Code 1 is when a person coughs. Everything starts with a simple cough, an itchy throat then follows code 2. Code 2 is fever. Things escalate quickly when you have fever, it seals the deal. All you can do is accept your fate because there’s no turning back from here. In this stage, the patient will feel an uncontrollable thirst for liquid because their throat is burning. However, they aren’t allowed to drink. 

Drinking makes the process faster and makes the virus more infectious which means it can travel and infect people faster. Then code 3 is termination.

We tried to save people. I was there when they tried to quarantine and cure the infected, I was still at training that time. But it only led to more deaths, the transmission of the virus was too fast it wiped out more than half of the IC. What happens when you catch the virus? You die but not without bringing a chunk of the population with you.

Now, Code 1 is Code 3 once it’s confirmed you’re infected.

The hallways are always busy with people but since it’s lunchtime, everyone else is at the mess hall. Connie and I were ordered to check on the main switch when the power was abruptly cut out. We fixed the problem and were on our way back when he coughed .

“IC is on their way, keep your eye on the infected. Don’t let him out of your sight until authorities arrive.”

“Copy.” I replied then the line ended.

“(Y/N), let me—”

I cut him off before he could finish. “Don’t talk to me until the IC arrives. Don’t want to make a hell of a report.” He bit his lower lip as if to stop himself from talking. He looked at me, shoulders drooping down in silent defeat, and nodded slowly, understanding the situation. 

We spent approximately eight minutes. Both of us are frozen, his back is still pressed against the wall behind him trying to put as much space between us as possible while I still have my gun pointed at him, ready if ever he tries to do something.

It didn’t take much longer when I heard hurried footsteps. The IC arrived in full white PPEs covering their whole bodies from head to toe, only their eyes visible behind their goggles.

We are in our uniform, the black material is fitted to be tight but stretchable but Connie can’t breathe right now. He’s sweating bullets and the fabric sticks to his wet skin making it harder to breathe. 

“Is that him?” The leader of the squad, Moblit asked. I heard him sigh as he looked directly at Connie. “You didn’t say it was Springer.” 

“Test him.” I said, purposely acting like I didn’t hear the last part of his statement.

Moblit went up to him with a device that looks like a pen, the one that you have to press on the top part and the point would come out.

“Hand.”

Connie reached out his pointer finger. Moblit placed the device against his skin and clicked it to prick him with the needle. After the click, we have to wait for more than a minute before the results flash on the tiny screen.

This is how they test now— you get pricked and the device reads your blood. It is way quicker than taking a blood sample and sending it to the lab to be evaluated if the virus is already in your system. 

My breath hitches, if that screen says Connie is positive for the infection, I would watch my friend and colleague get shot in front of me. They’ll take him to a cell and shoot him while I’m there standing.

 God, I can’t do that anymore, not with Connie.

He’s ok, he’s ok, he’s ok was all I chanted in my head, my prayer. 

There was a light beep — the result. I can't see Moblit’s face since he has his back to me and I wished I could see his reaction as he read the result. Connie, on the other hand, was shaking uncontrollably. His knees looked like it couldn’t support his body a second longer and he looked like he’s gonna pass out on the spot.

Moblit sighed and I expected for the worst. They’re gonna kill Connie and everyone involved here would be quarantined for at least a week under heavy surveillance.

“Hmm, negative.”

“What?” I’m not sure if I heard that right, I need confirmation.

“He’s negative. He’s cleared. He’s not infected.” Moblit explained, making it a hundred percent clear. “You wasted supplies for a false alarm.” 

“But I-“ 

Before I could even finish my sentence, Moblit and the rest of his team started to walk away, shaking their heads. I get why he’s pissed off— supplies are running low and conservation is a priority. The materials they used (from PPEs to the tester) are disposable. They can’t use those again.

“What the fuck? What the fuck?!” 

Connie got my attention, I almost forgot that he was there. My head hurts. Connie has his hands on his knees while catching his breath as if he was holding it the entire time.

“You could've fucked me over completely!”  He’s mad.

“I’m sorry, but you can’t blame me. I was just following the SOP.” I feel guilty, but to me, that was the rational thing to do. “You coughed, that's a code 1, Connie. You know that.”

Connie pulled his hair in frustration and it looked like he wanted to hit me. “I could’ve died! For god sake, I’m your friend!”

“Use your brain even for once and put yourself in my position. You coughed, I alerted the authorities. You get tested, if you’re not infected—which is now the case— you won’t get hurt.” 

“Still, what if they decided to skip the test and they just shot me down right here and then? They did that to Mina. You were there!” He continued to argue.

“Connie, that was a really long time ago. Those procedures back then are not as systematic as they are right now. And she was already having a fever when they found her, there was no need for a test.” I tried to explain the situation to him as best as I could.

“Fuck it! I choked on my spit! That’s why I fucking coughed, damn it! Some friend you are.” It looks like he won’t let this go. We’re still standing in the hallway, arguing.

“I am your captain.” I stated. “I am a captain first before a friend.” Sometimes, we need to be reminded of who we are and where we are at the present.

That shut Connie up. He straightened his posture as he was reminded of who he was talking to.  He looked back at me, frustration slowly leaving his face and was replaced by understanding. We stayed like that for a moment and I let us be. I also tried to understand that he had one foot in the grave just a couple of minutes ago and he still must be shaken up from the events.

“What is going on here?” 

A harsh voice interrupted our moment of silence and for the second time today, Connie looked terrified.

“Commander we were just-” Connie rambled but was cut off.

“Slacking off. That’s what you are doing. I ordered you to do something simple that would only take you ten minutes to do so and expected you to report back to me.” The commander looked at the both of us like a parent scolding their children. “You were gone for more than an hour after the electricity went back and now I had to cut my lunch short to make sure you haven’t fallen off a bridge and died.”

“I apologize. Something came up and we had to take care of it too.” I bowed my head a little to show him I was indeed sorry for making him wait and ruined his lunch but I prayed that he wouldn’t ask about the details.

“Then, by all means, do tell me what kept you back.” He raised a brow at me. Levi being Levi, he needed to know everything, he’s one nosy son of a bitch.

There’s no reason to lie about this, especially to the commander. He was going to know one way or the other.

“Commander, there was a-“

He cut me off by raising his hand before pressing a button in his earpiece. “What is it this time, Hange?” He asked while keeping his eyes on me.

Fuck. Hange Zoe is one of his closest friends, not to mention they’re also the head of the Infection Control. Moblit is her right hand man. She must be telling Levi right now. 

Levi hummed as he continued to listen over the earpiece but not without giving me and Connie a dirty look. Connie looked panicked, today was indeed not his day. He glanced at me with wide eyes and gestured to Levi with a knowing glare. 

Levi chewed his bottom lip and turned his back to us, putting his hands on his hip. He inhaled deeply and I assumed that the call had already ended. 

“Springer, (L/N), my office in ten.” He said without glancing back and walked away.

When there was no sight of Levi anymore, Connie groaned beside me. “Now we’re really in deep trouble.” 

“What do you want me to do, Connie? This is just a big misunderstanding. You shut your mouth while I do all the talking.”

Connie and I were standing in front of Levi’s table in his office. The room is large with steel walls and no paint just like the rest of the colony but Levi made it look neat and classy. In the other end of the room, there hangs a riverscape painting with a golden frame. Most paintings are placed in the middle of the wall to be appreciated, to be looked at. But for some reason, it’s hanging in the corner, the shadows hiding it making it difficult to be seen and that must be why I’ve seen it just now.

In the middle of the room was a long table, this is where meetings are usually held and behind Levi are crimson curtains that start from the ceiling and trail down the floor. Behind it must be a glass window that has been barricaded— just like every other window.

Levi sat on his dark swivel chair, elbows propped on the armrest and hand intertwined. “(L/N), report.”

“I thought Dr. Zoe already told you?” Connie asked to which Levi glared back. 

Goddamn you and your naive mouth .

“They did but I would like to hear from you.” He leaned back on his chair. “Now, tell me how it ended up the way it did.”

I took a step forward, signalling Connie that I will be the one to answer the commander. “We finished checking and fixing the main switch as you ordered us to but on our way back I heard Springer cough and I alerted the authorities.”

“Hange told me it was a false alarm,” Levi countered, his eyes left mine and turned to the person beside me, expecting him to answer.

“It was, sir.”

“Scratched your throat?”

“Choked on my spit, sir.”

Connie saying that out loud made me realize how unnecessary and foolish the whole situation was, like a joke that didn’t land yet that is not how it felt to me an hour ago.

Stress was evident on the commander’s face, he closed his eyes for a moment after hearing Connie’s reply. Dark bags are painted under his eye and I knew his insomnia was getting harder to ignore.

“And you forgot to assess the situation and decided to call IC in a panic?” He turned to me again. “I did not put you in your position just to make irrational decisions, captain . Do you even know how much resources were wasted over some false alarm? Not to mention, the worst case scenario would be that a soldier of mine who’s not infected gets shot. Never trained you to be reckless, I am disappointed in you.” And he said the last part with disappointment.

I hung my head low, it was me who’s disappointed in myself the most. “I apologize. It will not happen again, sir.”

“Of course it won’t.” He stood up from his chair. “Springer, get out.”

At his command, Connie didn’t need to be told twice, the words seemed to be a breath of fresh air for him. He bowed one last time before fast walking towards the door and I heard running after it was closed.

I stayed there, standing up straight as the commander turned to open the curtain a few inches enough that I could see the wooden planks barricading the window. There are small gaps between the unsymmetrical planks where all I can see is white—snow, everywhere, every time, everything .

“You’re stressed.” I broke the silence with my observation.

“That’s because I’m imagining the paperwork the president is going to give me once he hears about this.” He shots back and my body involuntarily winced at the sharpness of his tone. “Hange is going to tattle to him for sure, that bitch.”

My shoulders slumped thinking about how I managed to contribute to his pile of problems. “I’m really sorry, I really didn’t know—”

Levi rushed to me, his eyes darkening, and in an instant, his hands were holding a fistful of my hair. I winced as the pain shot up to my scalp and my head got pulled back. 

“All you do is fuck me over and apologize every time you do.” He seethes and I felt him pull harsher. “Did you get used to my method of discipline or do I need to take it up a notch?”

“I'm sorry, please it hurts, sir.” I whimpered at the pain, my hand went up to his, the one pulling my hair in a tight grip to try to make him let go.

“I don’t want to hear your fucking apologies, you sound like a broken record. All these years of training you into becoming my loyal bitch would go to waste if you can’t even do something as simple as using that pea-sized brain of yours.” 

He let go of my hair, shoving me forward. I  lost my balance for a moment but my hands managed to find support on his table. I tried to catch my breath as I gasped for air while he walked back behind the desk to sit back on his chair.

Levi pushed himself backward, the small wheels making a low squeaking noise against the floorboards to make more room between him and the desk. 

“Get on my lap, you know what to do.” 

I scrambled on my feet to get closer to him and once my body was only a few inches away from his side, I pulled my pants down. It rested just above my knees, enough that only my ass was exposed. I’m wearing my black thong today, something he picked for me. 

He tutted. “Take it off— completely.” He said the last word stern and hard and I knew better than to disobey him.

The only thing that’s left for me to do was to sit on his lap, straddling him. 

The first time that he punished me, it was because I had spilled a dot of ink on my uniform—and that was not even his. He despises mess and I knew that the hard way. He got so mad that he pulled me over his lap and disciplined me like I was a child.

Now, he wants me to straddle him while he does it.

I got into my position, my legs are on either side of him, ass on his thighs, hands placed on his shoulders while burying my face in the crook of his neck. His hands rubbed the fat of my ass and a satisfied hum vibrated from his throat.

“Love how plump you are.” Levi voiced out and after that I felt his first hit. Whimpering softly, I squeezed my eyes shut from the pain, my hold on him getting tighter. I felt him hit again but this time it was on the other cheek.

“Nghhh, hurts,” I complained, dragging the last letter out, arching my back as a response.

“Shhh, I know.” His right hand travelled back up to my hair to grab it again but didn’t pull as he soothes my ass cheeks by rubbing the skin.

“How many do you think you deserve for what you did?” Levi asks, still continuing his actions.

“I don’t know, sir,” I whispered, scared of his plan. He is too unpredictable. “M-maybe ten?”

“Hmm, ten is too low, don’t ya think?” He always does this, giving me the chance to decide but never actually letting me. “How about 20, hmm?”

“No, please.” Hi hits hard and I know by the end of twenty spanks I won’t be able to walk tomorrow.

His grip on my hair tightens again, a warning. “Too much for you?” His voice was a mocking tone, a fake sympathy. “I know you can take it, you're my perfect doll.”

All I could do was whine but it got muffled by his shoulders. He’s still fully clothed just like how he always is while I’m on his lap half naked.

“Count for me.”

Spank

“Aah! One, sir!” 

The first hit was hard enough to make me jolt forward. He never starts slow and never does he hold back his strength even when I’m on the receiving end.

Spank

“Two, sir.” 

I can’t see his face but I know all too well that he has that same look when he’s concentrating on something.

When the fifth slap was delivered, I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my body closer to his— perhaps the closest it could possibly be— and arched my back. His fist was still tugging my hair.

“Mhhmm, no more, please. I’m sorry ‘s too much.” I sobbed.

“You take what I fucking give you!” He growled in my ear, actions and tone sharp as ever. “Stop fidgeting too much.” He finally let go of my hair, his other hand leaving my cheeks to grab the sides of my waist, putting me in place.

“But it hurts, sir.”

“Good.”

He spanked me three consecutive times without a pause, hard, really really hard. That must be to shut me up.

“Eight, sir!” I was now panting, the burning sensation on my skin is getting harder to ignore and I wanted him to soothe the area to make the pain bearable. He knew what I was planning and instead of the soft rubbing I wished for, he pinched both cheeks, doing it as hard.

“Stoppp. I’m really sorry!” I felt a teardrop escape from my glassy eyes.

“You’re forgetting something.” He stated. 

I got confused, my brain was on the verge of shutting down and I couldn't think straight anymore. All that’s in there is pain and Levi Ackerman.

“I don't know, I don’t know.” I mumbled. 

“Thank me. Let’s redo eight.” He whispered menacingly in my ear and I felt him lick the tip of my earlobe. 

He spanked me again. “Eight! Thank you, sir!” I screamed. This particular hit was harder than the previous ones.

I raised my head to look at him for the first time. He looked good still dressed in his uniform, bangs perfectly parted but his grey eyes were cold. 

I looked at him pleadingly. “I’ve learned my lesson, sir! I won’t be reckless next time.” The hairs on my face were sticking to my skin because of my sweat but I didn't care. “No more, no more.” I cried.

He gripped my neck to pull my face closer to his until there’s almost no space between the two of us. 

“The purpose of this is to make sure there won’t be a next time . I know you can take more than this.” It felt like he’s staring directly at my soul.

“Who gave you permission to look at me?” He yanked my head back to his shoulder. My neck was getting sore, but even then, I did not care either. He smells so good to the point I can only think about him.

If he felt that I was drooling all over his uniform, he did not make any comment about it. The pain was too much for me to even notice. 

“Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Bitch.” Every word was emphasized with the accompaniment of hard slaps.

“Thirtnnn! Thank you, sir!” That earned more cries out of me. I arched my back for the nth time and this time, I couldn’t help but rut my heat against him. 

That got a low groan out of him. I could feel how hard he is. He never undressed himself in front of me so I don’t know what his manhood looks like but god, I know it’s huge. Just merely thinking about it makes me salivate more.

Another slap

“Argh! Hurts, please, please.” That’s all I can say, like a prayer over and over again while still continuing to grind on him.

“Fucking count or start over from one again.” He grabbed my hips again to stop my movements. His disciplines never went  further to the point it got sexual, much to my disappointment. “I never taught you to act like a bitch in heat. Jesus, you’re getting wet from this.”

I hoped he wouldn’t feel it but the thin material of the thong was soaking wet, I bet if I crumple it in my hand and squeeze it, liquid would trail down my arm.

“Fourteen! Thank you, sir.” I gasped for air. Since I can’t grind on him anymore, I nibbled on his shoulder and he seemed fine with it.

I’m now shaking but he didn’t care, he never cared. When the nineteenth one was done, I couldn’t feel the pain anymore, I was close to being numb. My throat felt sore and my screaming died down.

My cheek was pressed against his shoulder, looking at the blank space of the boring wall, and my arms stayed limp on my sides. I’m now hiccuping, covered in sweat and tears. I don’t want to imagine what my ass would look like after this.

Levi didn’t even break a sweat during the whole ordeal while I’m here, a slobbering mess. He jolted his thighs upwards causing my body to jump a little. He must’ve done that to make sure I’m still awake.

“Just one more, then we’re done.” He said coldly, not even an ounce of remorse or concern about the results of his actions.

He hit the final spank, as hard as ever, my butt jiggled from the impact. All that it got from me was a low and tired grunt that I’m not even sure he heard.

“Twenty. Thank you, sir!” My voice was almost gone and I said it like a scratchy whisper. I pulled him closer to me— if that is even humanly possible— I fidgeted on his lap to find a comfortable position without the sore area of my ass pressing against the material of his pants.

I try to inhale much of his scent. He smells clean, like freshly washed laundry while drying it out under the sky on a cloudy day mixed with, for some reason, Jasmine. It was my drug.

“I said, we’re done.” I winced at his harsh command but made no effort to get off of him. “Quit whining and get dressed. You’re not leaving my office looking like you were railed by three men.”

“Please.” I whimpered against the skin of his neck.

“Tssk.” He clicked his tongue, I knew he rolled his eyes after that. He pushed me away from him so he could take a look at me while grabbing my face with his right hand—his rough hands squeezing my face. “What? You want me to hold your hand as you cry?” He mocks.

And there’s nothing I would like to do right now other than that. And he knows. 

“You think you deserve me? No, you’re my perfect little doll. I own you, know your fucking place.” He stated slowly, making sure that every single word gets processed inside my brain.

He shoved me off his lap. My legs are too weak to give me support so I leaned on the sides of his desk until I could reach my discarded pants, crouching down with visible pain to retrieve it. 

His eyes never left my ass, he likes to admire his artwork to which my body is his canvas.

“That’s going to be all blue and purple tomorrow.” He mumbles as he observes it and it sounds like he’s talking to himself. He looked amused and pleased, the ends of his lips quirked upwards slightly.

When I finally got my pants on and tied my hair in a ponytail, I gave him a final bow and went out, limping

Chapter Text

When my back collapsed on my bed—the mattress they provided us was not that soft but enough to have a good night sleep in, I let out a long sigh. I stayed there comfortably, my arm pressed against my eyes to block out the light illuminating the whole room. 

Levi’s discipline wore me out. I’m trying my best to not mind the burning sensation on my abused skin. I didn’t need to go look at my reflection in the mirror to know that it’s red and bruised. Though, I’m confident the ordeal didn’t leave scars or draw blood in its path.

My body is so sore all over and a part of my brain wants to stay here and sleep. But it’s  only thirty minutes past two in the afternoon, still a couple of hours to go till bedtime.

My body shifted to a sitting position and I stared at the boarded glass window next to my bed, above my bedside drawer. 

When I was a child I used to love looking outside my window, especially when it was raining lightly— there would still be a hint of sunlight, the trees dancing in the breeze and the soft sound of rain hitting on glass windows.

The only sound I would hear now, and for the rest of my life, are harsh winds hitting my window like an intruder trying to force their way inside. If you peak through the cracks of the wooden planks, you'll see a landscape of snow covering everything. And everyone, I can only imagine how many bodies are buried underneath it.

I can still remember that day clearly like it’s been engraved in my mind no matter how long or how many years have passed. 

I was nine, excited to get to school, carrying my bag. filled with art materials. We were going to paint in my class and I was looking forward to it the whole weekend. I wanted to paint a purple tulip since that was my favorite flower and I don’t think I’ve seen a purple one yet.

I never arrived at school that day.

I was in the car with my father driving it. He was listening to the song on the radio and I hummed to its beat, not old enough to understand the lyrics.

“The hell is going on?” I heard him complain.

The music died down and the car came to a screeching halt, my small figure slumped against the back of the driver’s seat due to the abrupt stop.

At the end of the road, there were several cars jammed together and some were igniting in fire. Thankfully, dad stepped on the break a few yards away from the scene or else we would've been an addition. However, because of this too, the car behind came crashing on us causing a domino effect.

I didn’t know what was going on and neither did dad. People were running around, parents holding their children closer to them. A lot of people had their phones out, pointing to the sky.

I was panicking. I have never encountered a similar situation before and in my little brain, it felt violent. Dad unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car, leaving me behind to look outside the window.

When you look up at the sky, you can see the sun as a small, white, glowing ball but you have to squint because staring directly at it hurts your eyes. That day, there was a figure, more than half the size of the sun, moving closer towards it.

A meteor crashed against the sun. The shell was too thick and the size too great for the sun to melt it before it got hit. The sun got a big portion of its part cut off and now it’s only warm enough to cast a low light, like how it is at dawn but not warm enough to keep the Earth from being frozen.

The warmth died the day I wanted to paint purple tulips.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on my door. Immediately, I straightened myself up to open it. The sadness on my face vanished and got replaced by my neutral expression.

“I’ve been ringing you.” It’s the commander and he looks pissed off.

“I’m sorry, sir. I took off my earpiece.” I explained, the sight of him right now scared me, even more so that he just taught me a lesson. I gestured to the forgotten earpiece on top of my drawer.

Levi pushed past me and into my room, I closed the door behind him. He taught me to never question his actions and that everything that belonged to me is also his.

He stopped in front of my drawer, staring at my earpiece but didn’t pick it up. I was still standing by the door, not moving unless he commanded. 

“That device lights up blue when you are being called.” He looked in my direction. “After all these years, did you still not know that?”

“No, I do sir. I was just preoccupied.” I answered back hastily, the disappointment in his tone always makes me want to choke myself. I hated it. I want to make him proud of me, I constantly want to prove myself to him.

“Preoccupied?” He raised an eyebrow at me, walking closer to me until his mouth was on my ear to whisper. “Listen here, your purpose is to serve me. If I call for you, I expect you to come running to me. You don't need to think about anything else.”

After saying that, he pulled my hair, an emphasis to his word. I winced but still nodded vigorously with my eyes closed.

A harsh slap came down on my cheek and it hurt twice as much since I was not expecting it. I should’ve though. Every slip up, every mistake has consequences, it leads to being punished.

“Thank you for keeping me in line, sir.” I yelped when he pinched my cheeks with one hand, it hurt when the insides of my cheeks got scratched by my teeth.

He stared at my face for a while as if trying to evaluate if I am indeed thankful for my retribution. He let go of my face and the distasteful expression he wore left his face.

Levi smiled sweetly at me. “You’re shaking, doll.” He placed his hand on top of my head to pat me. “You know I’m doing this for you, right?” He caressed my cheeks.

I nod as an answer. 

“Why am I doing this again?” Levi pushed the stray streak of  hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear.

“T-to make me a better s-soldier, sir. Thank you.” I leaned my cheek against his palm, looking at him with glass eyes.

He tutted. “No. I’m doing this to make you the best soldier.” 

I nodded again. 

He’s cold and constantly hurts me but he doesn’t do that just for the likes of it. Everything he does is for me and I’ll forever be grateful for him.

My dad didn’t make it, he used his last breath saving me and making sure that I got accepted in the colony after a year of wandering outside together trying to survive daily. 

I was ten when I got in, alone and grieving. In exchange for accepting me, I have to train in the military just like the other orphans did. That time, the President was still the commander and Levi as his captain and I wonder if Mr. Smith treated Levi the same way he does to me now.

A year ago, the former President got infected which leads us to the present— Erwin Smith took his place, appointed Levi as the present Commander and Levi picked me out as his Captain, I just turned 18 that time last year. 

With the population continuously decreasing, the younger generation has to step up and replace the dead’s position.

“We have a meeting with the President later in his office, you’re coming with me.” Levi went back to his normal self, his hands and warmth left my body and immediately I yearned back for it.

I straightened my posture. “What is it about?”

“No idea. But there will be others present in the meeting too. I can only take a wild guess. Colony 2 is running out of medical supplies, much less than what we currently have. If that’s what the meeting is about, Hange is not going to like it.” 

Levi smoothes out the material of his uniform like there’s a crease I couldn’t see. I heard him make a pissed groan, rubbing the fabric harder.

“Jaeger forgot to iron a spot in my uniform.” He complained. “He’s going to regret this in training tomorrow.”

I didn’t say a word, knowing he’s talking to himself rather than to me.

“Go get ready, change your uniform. I know it’s soiled.” That was the last thing he said to me before leaving my room.

He left me alone, every time. I hated it. I hated how much I always want him close to me but never reciprocated the yearning. Always looking too cool to be bothered by anything while I’m constantly a mess.

I think I’m going crazy. That's all I could think about as I took out a fresh pair of uniform, the one I was wearing now discarded in the laundry basket. Not forgetting my earpiece, I left my room looking neat and clean.

Soldiers were bowing and greeting me as I made my way through the busy hallway. The path wasn’t too narrow nor too wide, just enough for us to have two lanes. An “Always keep right” sign is pasted on every hallway, courtesy of Erwin Smith.

There is no ceiling so the metal pipes are visible when you look above. You would not see any trash loitering around or any stain decorating any surfaces, Levi would annihilate the Earth if he was to find one. “Cleanliness is next to godliness” is what he would repeat over and over to the people who are in charge of cleaning. 

Which doesn’t make sense because I know he doesn’t believe in God.

I kept walking, Mr. Smith’s office is in section one, where all people of influence reside. Soldiers are stationed in section 2 while people of low ranks and commoners live in section 3. Each section has a huge gate that separates them. These are the sections that’s under Colony 1.

Everything is inside the steel walls. No one is ever allowed inside unless they have an important mission ordered or approved by the president. Erwin rules over Colony 1, his word is the law. People and matters that don’t belong in our colony are outside of his jurisdiction.

Section 2 is in the middle so I’m heading east where section 1 is. I got my head straight while walking, occasionally greeting soldiers back on my way. It was loud here, the walls bouncing back the lively chatters, soldiers talking and laughing at and with each other.

I got distracted, there are people arguing at the end of the hallway but I can’t see clearly because of the distance. 

“No, let me go. Imma have a word with her.” 

The arguing got louder. I decided to see what the hell was going on, ready to scold the small group. When I got closer, I stopped when I realized it was Connie, Sasha, and Jean. Connie and Jean were trying to pull Sasha back but she was determined.

In an instant, I knew what’s going on and it was only confirmed when she pushed Jean’s hand off her arm. Sasha beelined towards me. I frowned, I have no idea what she’s going to do. 

When she’s only two feet away from me, I expected her to stop but she didn’t. I was caught off guard when she grabbed my shoulders and pushed me against the wall. Sasha is taller than me and it didn’t help that she was pushing me down, her frame towering over mine.

“Sasha!” Jean warned. He and Connie are fast walking to catch up to where we are. Sasha was still pinning my body against the wall and I let her. Her eyes gleamed with red, hot fury. I stared back at her with a neutral expression.

The boys caught up and this time, it was Connie who tried to pull her back and off me but she shook her arm out of his hold, not backing down.

“Connie almost died because of you. He could’ve been shot!” Sasha’s face was so close to mine that when she screamed at me, I felt some of her saliva spraying on me.

“Sasha, stop it. She’s still your captain.” Jean warned from behind her.

Sasha turned her head around to shout at Jean. “Well I don’t give a fuck even if she is the fucking president!” 

Her friends looked worried— for her or for me, that I did not know.

I cleared my throat which got their attention. Pushing myself back up, I pulled the girl’s hands off my shoulders gently— contrary to her actions.

Once I regained my posture, I looked at Sasha to talk to her. “I understand where all of this is coming from. However, if your friend,” I gestured to Connie. “told you the whole story about what really happened, then I don’t have any idea why you are still doing this nonsense.”

Sasha let out a laugh, rolling her eyes at my words. “Don’t go all formal with me, (Y/N). “My friend”? He’s your friend too!” She prodded her pointer finger to my chest harshly.

I nodded my head in acknowledgment. “Yes, he is and I am yours too. But right now, I am not your friend. I am your captain. When the incident happened this morning, I acted with the title I was given.”

She shook her head slowly and stared at me with disbelief. Connie got quiet and Jean stared down at the floor. 

“If he did get shot, how are you going to his funeral— as your title or as our friend?” She asked.

“We don’t hold funerals here, soldier. We don’t bury the dead, we push them down the furnace to—”

“Shut up!” Sasha screams, I raised a brow at her action. “I fucking hate it when you talk like that; you talk like him.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I have always been professional while I’m on the job,” I respond. Him as in Levi Ackerman. Sometimes, I don’t deny that it is true. He’s the one who trained me after all, not that it’s a bad thing. They are just overreacting.

“Fucking hell. You should be getting down on your knees and thank God, if he is real, that they tested Connie. You goddamn know that sometimes they don’t and immediately proceed to Code 3. Instead, you’re here in front of us spitting bullshit about your job up high on your horse.” 

“Sasha, let it go. I’m fine.” Connie was trying his absolute best to stop his friend before this situation could escalate any further. He flashed me an apologizing look, feeling guilty but Sasha continued to ignore him.

“I’ll take this that you are overwhelmed with your emotions and not thinking straight since a person you care for almost got killed over a false alarm. That is the reason why I’m being lenient despite your obvious insubordination.”

“Insubordination?” She let out a sarcastic laugh again, not believing what she was hearing.

I nodded my head. “Harassing your superior officer while in your uniform? That is insubordination, is it not?”

“The more bullshit that comes out of your mouth, the more I want to kill you.” 

“Sasha! Stop this now. You have made your point.” Jean warned her again.

“Shall we add death threat, a grave offense and a ground for discharge, to the list?” I challenged her, I will not let myself be talked down to.

Sasha was about to open her mouth to say something again but Jean pulled her back and beat her to it. “I’m so sorry, captain. It’s just like you’ve said, she is clearly not in the right state because of what happened.” That earned him a glare from her.

“Alright. I’ll be leaving, I’m running late. I have a very important meeting that I have to attend.” And with that, I walked away, leaving Jean and Connie to appease a furious Sasha.

I curse under my breath while I walk fast, I am running late and I don’t want Levi to be disappointed with me again. Three times in a day would be a new record that’s hard to beat. 

I’m finally out of the hallway and there’s a clearing that connects all sections, we call the plaza, filled with merchants selling valuables and people rushing to purchase. In this part, the ceiling is high which accommodates the 5 story building. The ceiling is all made out of glass so you could see the weather outside. But of course there’s no weather, it’s either dark or dusk.

I arrived at the gate that divides section 1 and 2 . There are soldiers stationed at every gate. Today, Marco and Flock are guarding it. 

“Good afternoon, Captain.” Floch greeted me as he took his keys out to let me in. 

“Has the commander and the others already entered?” I asked, saying a thank you once I am already on the other side.

“Yes, captain. The commander arrived 30 minutes before Dr. Zoe, Officers Arlert, Ackerman, and Jaeger arrived.” Floch replied. 

“When did the commander arrive?”

“An hour ago.”

Shit.

“Ok, thank you Floch.” I already started walking while thanking him and I heard a “No problem.” from him. 

I was close to running but I knew I would get into more trouble if I enter the meeting all sweaty and catching my breath so I settled for a fast walk again.

It didn’t take long until I was standing in front of Mr. Smith’s door. On it, there’s a sign that reads:

The President 
Colony 1
Erwin Smith

I didn’t wait a second more and knocked before I opened it, letting myself inside.

“—to know why you are running low in supply. I need a report showing me datas regarding your initial amount, time and purpose of consumption with the dates in every single one.” The president was the one talking. 

No one looked at me, they were all too focused on Erwin. If they noticed that I was late, they made no acknowledgment, judgement, they didn’t even glance my way.

Erwin acknowledged my presence without looking my way (since he was busy talking), he extended his arm in Levi’s direction which had an empty seat next to him. I’d like to think he saved it for me and I shushed the part of my brain that said “Of course you sit there, you’re his second in command.”

Levi was the only person in the room whose eyes were on me, he had his arms folded on his chest, giving me a stern look that made the skin on the back of my neck stand up. I gave a quick bow to the President before walking to my place and sat down on my chair.

He sits on Erwin’s right and my place is on his. 

“Yes, I know. Charity is one of the virtues I possess. However, as the President of the first Colony, I put my people first. I acknowledge that your supplies are decreasing faster than ours but I have to think about my people too. I don't want us to be in a position where we should ration our supplies when the time that we need it comes. Again, I-”

“Sit up straight.” Levi whispered to me. His tone wasn’t harsh or disciplinary, it was merely a command from observation.

Erwin’s voice faded into the background and my attention focused on the commander beside me.

Immediately, I straightened my back, subconsciously looking at Levi for approval. He didn’t say anything, his focus was on Erwin, nodding when the latter made a good point.

“Point taken.” This time, it was Yelena, the president of Colony 2 who spoke. “But we are not asking for a big amount. We would only ask for some medical supplies and we are also communicating with the third colony for this favor so the few supplies that both colonies donate to us, together, would sum up sufficient.”

Next to me sits Armin, he has his notepad on the table taking notes of Yelena’s speech. Dr. Zoe was shaking their head, making it obvious enough to the other party. After all, it was the IC who’s in charge of the medical supplies and Hange did not like the idea of it.

Eren is staring at the wall while he is holding his pen, looking utterly bored and Mikasa beside him is quiet but I know she’s listening to every word that comes out of anyone’s mouth.

“Colony 3?” Levi asked and all eyes were on him. “I haven’t heard from Colony 3 for two weeks now. When was the last time you spoke with their representative?”

Yelena looked at Zeke Yaeger, their military commander, for help. It looks like she is not updated with current matters concerning other colonies— not a good impression on their part.

“I was the one responsible for making proposals to them.” Zeke came to his president’s rescue. “I made the proposal to them three weeks ago and they still haven’t given me their decision or schedule for a meeting until now.”

With Zeke making his presence known, Levi shot me an annoyed glare but it went unnoticed by everyone else. He and the former have some one sided beef (only in Levi’s side). So every time he’s in close proximity, the commander looks at me; the only person he can yap his disdain for him away. I tried to translate the look he gave me as “There goes the furball again.” just like what he would always say. 

“Maybe they are still thinking about it and have not arrived at a decision yet?” Armin voiced his assumption.

“Maybe, but that matter only concerns them and colony 2. I can’t think of a reason why Colony 1’s radio couldn’t connect to theirs.” Levi looked confused. 

Erwin leaned forward to prop his elbows on the table and folded his hands, looking deep in thought.

“Do you think—“

“No, Hange.” Levi sighed, knowing exactly what his friend was thinking. “There is no outbreak. If that was the case, they would still be able to communicate just fine.”

My eyes shifted to Levi and widened the tiniest bit at the mention of an outbreak. It’s the only word that I can't get used to hearing without feeling uncomfortable.  After all these years, it still sends shivers down my spine.

“The commander is right.” Erwin agreed. “We cannot rule out the possibility of an outbreak but hypothetically, if there is one going on, they would send a signal. The button is just in the control room and all colonies will be alerted with a press of a button. There should be no problem with communication that relates to an outbreak. They’ll be scrambling for anyone’s help.”

“Maybe they have a technical problem?” Eren mindlessly asked, twirling his pen in his fingers.

“Not that either,” I answered, participating in the conversation for the first time. “A technical issue, let’s say they have a broken radio. But for two weeks? And they didn’t send any messenger to inform us about their situation? It is highly unlikely.” 

Everyone fell quiet, thinking hard of other possibilities for the third colony to be silent all of a sudden. For two weeks, the gravity of the situation has not been put under the spotlight until now that they have been mentioned. It was not concerning yet but everyone has their head spinning, trying to find any possible reason why this was the case.

The president broke the silence. “It has been a pleasure talking with you, Yelena.” To which she gave him a smile. “But this is what you need to do in order for me to approve your proposal: Contact Colony 3, schedule a meeting with them discussing what we talked about. Tell them that if they agree, we will too. Because just like you’ve said, both colonies taking part in the donation would lessen the supplies to be donated from each. Next, I’ll ask for a report about the consumption of your supplies this year.”

I heard Levi scoff next to me hearing Erwin’s last request. I can’t help but try to hide the smirk creeping its way to my lips, knowing exactly what he was implying but the other party has no idea of its ulterior meaning.

“I am grateful, Erwin.” Yelena gave a small bow. “Rest assured that we will meet your requirements.” 

“Meeting adjourned.”

With that, Yelena and Zeke stood from their seats, bowed for the last time, and left Erwin’s office, leaving us members of Colony 1 alone.

“He doesn’t even know the third colony is being uncooperative.” Levi scoffed again, talking about Zeke behind his back. “They’re not serious if the last time they tried to make contact with them was three weeks ago.”

“True.” Hange agreed. “If I wanted something from someone, I would pester them every single day to establish that I am desperate and in their case, they should be desperate.” They wrote something on their notes while talking.

“Sir, what was that about your last request?” I asked Erwin. “Are you implying that there is corruption within their government?”

Erwin laughed. “That and they’re just soliciting for additional supplies. There’s no way theirs would be insufficient— I have not heard that someone has been infected in their colony or that they have been testing numerous people this year. That is why I wanted a report. 

“Take for example, you had a false alarm today,” He added and I suppressed the urge to slump back in my seat. Hange gave a hum of agreement while still looking at their notes. “Even if you wasted supplies for it, we still have enough for an outbreak, although given that we do not have a lot.”

I gave him a nod of understanding. Hange must’ve already tattled to Erwin about my mistake and it was only hours ago.

“Arlert, make an attempt to contact colon 3 until evening then report back to me.” Levi told him to which Armin replied “Copy, sir.” taking me out of the topic. 

With that, Erwin ended the meeting and we walked out of his office. 

“I was running late, why didn’t you call me.” I asked Levi when we were walking out, a few steps behind everyone so they couldn’t hear us.

“Braus.” 

I looked at him shockingly, how did he know when according to Floch, he entered section 1 really early. “You do know everything?”

Levi smirked, still walking and looking straight ahead. “I am the commander, of course I know everything.” I was silent. “That and I saw her fuming before I left, I assumed she was looking for you. Those two idiots can’t even stop her.”

“Yeah, they couldn’t.”

“How did it go?”

“Well, she pushed me up against a wall and screamed at me. I handled it professionally. Though, she did throw some death threats. You’re not gonna punish her for insubordination, are you?” 

“No. No, you deserved it.” 

I nodded my head, I did deserve it but I was half expecting Levi to tell her off at least. 

_______________________________________

For reference: This is the layout of the buildings.

Colony 1

Section 1- Politicians and influential people

Section 2- Military

Section 3- Low ranks and common people

Codes:

Code 1-cough

Code 2- fever

Code 3- termination (gets killed)

Chapter Text

“Hey, psst!”

Eren was trying to catch my attention but I acted like I couldn’t hear him. My back was slanted on my swivel chair’s backrest looking like I wanted to lie down but it wouldn’t go all the way down and was stuck in a comfortable but awkward position. I was closing my eyes, the bright lights hurt them since I am quite sensitive to bright things.

“Hey, captain.” Eren called for me again in a hushed voice. He was persistent, dragging his chair from the other side of the room— he didn’t stand up but instead used his legs to maneuver the chair closer to where I was, the small wheels squeaking at the friction.

Still, I was too tired to make social contact and settled with drowning his voice in the background as I continued to rest my eyes, hoping he gets the hint of leaving me alone.

Eren, me, and Armin occupied the control room located on the fifth floor, section 2 since it was managed by military personnel. Armin was trying to connect with Colony 3 just like what Levi ordered him to do. I decided to supervise him in case he asks for help. As for Eren, I don’t know why he came tagging along like a lost puppy.

“Captain.” He poked my cheek with his finger and in an instant I closed my fist around it, squeezing hard.

“Ow!” He yelled in pain. “What was that for? I thought you were sleeping.”

“Ahem.” Armin coughed to get our attention and he looked at us with a glare that says. “I’m trying to concentrate here” and went back to work.

Effectively, I shot Eren the same glare combining it with an annoyed look.

“Where is Mikasa?” I tried to look for her on the wide screen above the control panels. It shows all the CCTV footage in real time from different cameras placed all over the building. I quietly hoped that she would show up here to take Eren off my back.

“The commander stationed her in section 1 to accompany the president in his meetings for the rest of the evening.” Eren explained. “He’s having dinner with the Queen later, I’m jealous, Mikasa gets to join them.”

Historia Reiss, the only member of the royal family who is still alive today. Her coronation was only a week before that fateful day happened.

As the Queen in the post-apocalyptic setting, she doesn’t hold any jurisdiction over anyone yet her title is still honored and people love and look up to her.

All personnel in the government were appointed with the people’s democratic decision. However, they will only leave their positions if they were overthrown, retired, or deceased.

“Hey, captain.”

“Jesus, Jaeger! Spit it out!”

Armin turned his head to give us a look again, I sighed and nodded at him, giving him a hand gesture that signals him to get back to what he was doing. Eren was getting on my nerves and I was so close to throwing him out the door.

“What is it?” I scolded him in a whisper.

“Do you believe in the multiverse?”

I have never wanted to punch him square in the face. I pinched the bridge of my nose and mentally screamed. God, I wanted to yell at him for disturbing my peace but I gave him a deadpan.

“You have to be fucking kidding me. Do I look like I have the time to chat about hypothetical theories with you.”

“Well, we have time to kill, don’t we?” He shrugged his shoulders. “Think about it— no one ever expected that a meteor could physically crush the sun yet here we are.” He opened his arms to emphasize his point. “That proves that anything can actually be possible— like the multiverse.”

“Mhm.” I didn’t try to explain my own beliefs, contradicting Eren Jaeger with logic is like talking to a bird, the bird won’t understand you no matter how much you explain.

“You think there’s a universe out there where we’re not caged inside walls?” Eren wondered out loud.

“Maybe you should make a visit to Colony 2, it’s been a while since you’ve stepped foot there. Dr. Magath would be pleased to see you again.” Eren has been acting weirdly last year, even more so to the point Levi dragged his ass to Dr. Magath, Colony 2’s Psychiatrist who doubles as a therapist.

“Like hell I’ll go back. It was torture being away from you guys and I easily get homesick. That was a long week for me.”

I decided to end the conversation there, not wanting to comment about how the week he was absent was the most peaceful week we’ve had and I am craving that right now.

“Hello? This is Colony 1 making contact with Colony 3. Is anyone there?”

I returned my focus to Armin who was busting his ass off for the past hour trying to connect to their frequency while his friend was daydreaming. That was not a problem a month ago. Now that leaves us to question why with the lack of a messenger to inform us.

No one on the other line answered back, all we could hear was static. We are tuned on to their frequency, yes, there is static so that might be a good sign.

However, this means that they are ignoring the call on purpose. They can hear us, but we are not getting any feedback from them.

“Colony 3, please give us a sign that you can hear us.” Armin paused to wait for any response. Even Eren went quiet, our ears listening diligently to catch any noise that could be drowned by the static. “Colony 3?”

“Armin.”

“Yes, captain?” He pressed the mute button before answering me.

“Maybe it’s our signal that’s not good. Try contacting Colony 2 and if we connect to them, that will remove the possibility that we have a connection problem on our side.”

It was a good deduction, we have to eradicate any possibilities that the problem might be on our part.

“Understood, ma’am.” Armin turned the knob on the radio to switch the frequency to that of Colony 2. “This is Officer Arlert, Colony 1.”

There was only static for seconds but the line was connected. “Officer Reiner Braun, what is the purpose of communication?” The person in the other line introduced himself.

“Hi, Reiner!” Eren yelled, making sure that Reiner could hear him even though he’s metres away from the mic.

Armin raised a finger at Eren without looking back, signalling him to shut the hell up.

“If you don’t keep your mouth shut, I will throw you out the window and then you can freeze to death outside if you survive the fall.” I threatened him and that shut him up.

“Heard you, Jaeger.” Reiner replied and Eren looked pleased beside me.

“Moving on,” Armin continued. “Purpose of communication is to test the signal from our side. Am I clearly audible?”

“Even Eren is audible, Armin.”

Reiner was a good friend of ours. We would hang out with him whenever we visited Colony 2 so everyone did not mind that he was calling us by first names.

I moved closer to the panels where Armin has the mic in his hand. This is not good. We are not the problem in terms of technicality. Colony 3 can hear us loud and clear.

“Braun, have you tried to contact Colony 3 this week?” I asked.

“Yes, captain. Just this monday.”

Armin and I looked at each other. Levi hasn’t heard from them in two weeks and Zeke hasn't gotten any response since three weeks ago.

“You contacted them?” I asked

“No, it was the other way around. I received a connection from them.”

Hearing that was a breath of fresh air and Armin felt it too, I saw him relax his shoulders in the corner of my eye. If Reiner received contact four days ago, then all might be well.

“Although they didn’t say anything.” Reiner spoke again and right now we are completely lost. Eren stood up and placed himself on my other side.

“Can you reword that to be clearer?” I adjusted my posture and took the mic from armin. “You said they contacted you.”

“Yes, sorry. On monday at approximately 5 in the afternoon I was having my coffee and I heard the radio. A frequency was connected to ours. I asked them to state their name and purpose but all I could hear was breathing like someone was listening closely but refused to talk then the line abruptly ended.”

“How did you confirm that it was Colony 3?” Armin asked for the reason that the third colony was never known to pull jokes.

“I got worried. I was thinking that it was a survivor from outside. So tracing the call was all I did the whole evening. I was ready to deploy the rescue team but when I finally traced the call, it was only from Colony 3.”

“And you didn’t report that to my brother?” Eren asked, leaning over the mic.

“It was not concerning to the point of reporting it to our commander. I let it be. Maybe it was an accident and they didn’t know.”

“Did you know that he had failed at attempting to make contact with them?”

“Why was he trying to contact them?” Reiner sounds confused.

I sighed. Even Reiner doesn’t know what was going on inside his colony. “Please report this to Zeke, it will be helpful-”

“And tell him to send my allowance, I’m running low,” I smacked Eren’s arm which made him yelp. Armin reached over me to yank his arm to keep him from saying anything more. “But it’s true.”

“Shut up.” Armin argued.

“I will make sure to inform him regarding it, captain. I’ll let him know, Eren. Armin, talk to you next time. Over and out.” The line disconnected and I looked at Armin with worry.

“They can hear us but refuse to answer back. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Armin asked quietly.

“A good thing because it didn’t sound like they were in the middle of an outbreak but a bad thing for Colony 2; Erwin wanted them to schedule a meeting. I would laugh if they end up cooperative in the end. They can’t even call back.”

“Don’t even know what to think.” Armin shared my concerns.

“(Y/N) -”

“It’s captain, Eren.” Armin reminded him.

“C’mon, she’s just a year older than us.” He complained but Armin shook his head.

I chose to ignore Eren’s comment like I usually do. “Armin, you’re done for today. Take Eren with you and go get something to eat.”

Armin bowed and yanked Eren by the arm, dragging him outside. I was left alone in the room. I sat back down in front of the panel thinking about the conversation with reiner.

“Where’s Arlert?” I heard Levi enter the room.

“I already dismissed him, sir, told him to grab dinner with Jaeger.” I swiveled my chair around to face him.

Levi raised his eyebrow, walking to me.

“I told him to report back to me.”

“I was here the whole time. I can give you a report.”

With that, Levi went to grab a chair, the one Eren was sitting down on earlier and came back beside me. “Start.” He has his full attention to me.

I proceeded to tell him everything that happened— from the failed attempts to get a response from Colony 3 even though the signal was working fine to the details of our conversation with Reiner.

“It’s unbelievable that this should not be any of our concern yet we’re the one making the effort.” Levi complained.

“Erwin was right.” I mumbled.

“What?”

“That bitch just wanted additional supplies.” I clenched my teeth at the thought. “If they’re indeed having a crisis, everyone would know about it. Then we have Reiner Braun, a high ranking officer, the military captain not knowing that they are in need of help for it.”

“So, you’re implying that only Yelena and Zeke are working together and that the other members of their government and military are on it as well?” Levi uttered Zeke’s name like it was a curse, like it tasted awful in his mouth.

“Yes, but we must not let our guard down. Anyone would kill for supplies. Let’s be grateful that it might be just the two of them for now.”

Levi laughed sarcastically. “I knew that there was something wrong with that monkey but I never expected him to be that awful to the point of stealing from other colonies, especially from Erwin Smith.”

“This is not good, not good at all.” I kept repeating that over and over again.

“Tskk.” Levi scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “What’s getting you riled up? That’s not our problem anymore, Erwin is too smart for them. He’d rather die than let those pigs get their filthy hands on our stuff.”

I gasped. “You think— do you think Erwin is going to start a war?”

“He looks like someone who would. But no.” The commander shook his head. “Doing that would just waste more resources, he knows that. The most that he could do is close the boundaries. No one can leave or enter Colony 1.”

I went silent. Levi’s right, the thing with Colony 3 is not our problem anymore. It was just odd that they went radio silent but for the most part, we do not need them. We were just looking out for them but we need to keep to ourselves.

“Were you here the whole time?” Levi asked and I noticed his voice got lower.

“I went with Arlert and Jaeger immediately after the meeting.”

“I don’t want that other Jaeger getting close to you.”

I turned my chair back from him, facing the screen and mindlessly monitoring the footage of CCTVs. “What’s up with you and your dislike for Jaegers.” Then I remembered I was talking to him informally so I added a “Sir” after the pause.

“I’ve noticed how sometimes they’re too comfortable around you.”

“Zeke was just being informal at times to lessen the awkwardness. It’s hard to try to be acquainted if there’s a lot of dead air. Eren and I have known each other since our training days. He’s part of my circle.” I defended them, Levi can be unreasonable at times.

“You don’t need to be acquainted with Zeke. He is not your commander; I am.” I saw him stand up in my peripheral vision and went behind my chair. I can see the blurry reflection of his face on the monitor. “As for the younger one, I dislike it when he bothers you from your work.”

I stayed silent. If Levi tells me to jump off a cliff, I’ll do it without hesitation. If Levi tells me to stay away from anyone, I would do it too. After all, I trust that he knows what is best for me.

“Has Jaeger confessed any feelings for you?” Levi placed his arm on the top of the back of my chair, next to my head, and leaned his weight on it as he stared back at me through our reflection.

I shook my head forcefully while looking directly at his reflection. “No, it’s not like that.”

His other hand slowly crept down to my neck until he was holding it, not putting any force.

“You’re naive when it comes to these things, that's why it’s my responsibility to think for you, doll.” He rubbed his thumb lightly on my neck, his touch ghosting on my skin.

“No, sir. There really isn’t anything. He’s just a friend.” I tried to explain, unable to move a muscle when he touched me.

“That’s what you say now but if I don’t do anything before it starts I might walk in on you two fucking your brains out.” With that, his hand tightened around my neck, choking me harshly. I spluttered, not expecting his actions.

I shook my head even more, the vivid image of his words came to my brain and it felt too filthy and so wrong.

“No?” He spun my chair around and hooked his hands under my armpit to manhandle me. He picked me up and sat me down on the empty space of the control panel. My hand immediately looked for the radio, scared that it might be on and we would be unknowingly broadcasted. I was relieved when I saw that it was off.

“I didn’t do anything wrong, sir.” I was not getting why I was being punished right now.

Levi opened my legs to position himself between them, his hands are now on the panel caging my ass. “I’m not going to sit around and wait for you to do something wrong. You’re going to remember this every time you’re close to him.”

He pinched my thighs, his nails digging my skin. This was something new, he has never done this before and I didn’t know what to expect to feel. The last thing I expected was it feeling too good.

It felt ticklish but the sensation went up to my groan mixed with the pain that resulted from his roughness. I couldn’t stop a moan erupting from my throat. My eyes widened in horror when the sound reached my ears and Levi stopped squeezing, not expecting my reaction as well.

I tried to squirm away from his grip, completely embarrassed from what I just did but his hand gripped my thigh again to keep me in place.

“Sir…nghhmm.” My hand shot up to his to try to get it off but he wasn’t budging. “It feels weird, sir.”

“But you like it.” He whispered in my ear, pulling his body closer to me. His member was right against my center and my chest was squashed on his. It felt like I couldn’t breathe.

“I don’t know. Please take it off.” There’s his scent again, invading my nostrils. Each time I smell it, it’s making me feel high.

“You don’t know? Then let me try again.” He squeezed again but this time, he rubbed his fingers on either side of my flesh.

I whined and squirmed, trying to get away from him. “Poor girl, where are you going?” He growled. “You always take whatever I give you so what’s this?”

“Sir…sir I can’t— pleaseee.” I begged. I would rather take a spanking and suffer than take pleasure in this and humiliate myself further.

“You can’t even use that filthy mouth well, can’t even tell me what you want.” He slapped my thigh and I ended up grinding against him. It was a bit uncomfortable since I’m still in my pants but I could feel him getting hard under the layers of our clothes.

“Please!” I cried but couldn't stop my hips from moving.

“Open your mouth.” He squeezed my cheeks and my lips parted. “Gonna put that to good use.”

I opened my mouth from the pain, thinking that it would be better to obey. Levi raised his head above mine and looked down on me. The next thing I know, a drop of spit came down on my tongue, a string of saliva connected it to Levi’s glistening lips.

He has never done any of this before and It felt so dirty. I feel so dirty but that didn’t stop me from making a moan.

“Oh, you like that.” he wasn’t asking, he knows. “I knew you were a dirty slut. I can feel you leaking through your uniform. How many times should you change clothes?”

“I didn’t mean to leak sir.” I defended myself. My hands are now holding both his arms to support myself. “I don’t know why it’s happening.”

When I’m with him like this, my brain automatically switches off, unable to think of something, anything. All that there is— Levi, Levi, Levi. That and everything is new to me.

“Of course, you don't, you’re my dumb doll.” He strokes my cheek softly, wiping the sweat dripping down from my temple. “You’re leaking because you don’t know how to control your pussy. But don't worry, I’m going to train it, don't want you leaving a trail of your slick behind you.”

I gasped when he said that word referring to my private part. When did he start being so shameless like this?

“I’ve been so fucking stressed lately and there’s no better outlet than you. I can do anything to you and you would like it either way.”

“Yes!” I looked up at him, my eyes meeting his grey ones. They look so cold yet beautiful.

“Sometimes, it makes me wonder if you’re going to act like that if I was another man doing this to you.” He scoffed, imagining the scenario in his head.

I shook my head fastly. “No.” I snaked my arms around his waist to hug him close to my body.

Levi swatted my arms away. “Don’t reach for me, I am not your lover. I can do to you whatever pleases me because you are under me. I give you no freedom to do the same thing with me.”

I pulled my arms back down on the panel to grip its edges instead. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to.” I croaked. I didn’t even realize I did that.

“That’s cause you’re dumb.” He pulled away from me which made me want to reach for him again, automatically craving the warmth of his body. The outline of his hard cock visible over his pants and he looked at me when he pushed down his hand inside to adjust himself.

“Look what you did to me.” He looked pissed that he’s hard. “You’re a spawn of the devil.”

“I’ll be good—I’m good.” I whined, still seated on the panel.

“Stand up and fix yourself.”

I did what he told me to. By the time I was finished fixing my hair, his hard on was gone.

“Go get dinner then come to my office.”

After Levi made me leave, I walked down the stairs with my hands gripping the rails. My knees felt weak and my thing felt funny. The friction of my thighs against each other while I walked was not helping.

“(Y/n), are you ok?”

Fucking hell, the only time I wanted to go unnoticed and Mike, out of all people, was the one who found me. Mike Zacharias is a section commander under our colony. He refused to call me by my title because he is much older than me, older than the commander himself.

And the reason he’s a military asset is because of his nose. He can hunt down anything and everyone. He knows which floor you are just by identifying where your scent is. He’s like a dog; a police dog.

“Yeah, I’m alright, just tripped and sprained my ankle.” I offered a small smile to make it more believable.

He stared at me, his eyes flicking up and down over my body and I’ll be lying to myself if I say he can’t smell my wetness. Then I almost threw myself off the stairs when it registered to me that he could smell Levi’s scent on me too.

“Be careful next time.” If he didn’t believe me, he made no comments.

“Copy, Officer Zacharias.”

He walked away but I can see him shaking his head from a distance. God, he knows. He knows about me and Levi.

“What’s with you and Levi?” My own mind raised the question. That’s right, there’s no such thing as me and Levi. I can’t help but recall his words earlier.

“Don’t reach for me, I am not your Lover.”

I want him close to me. I want him near. I want him in my line of sight at all times. He’s not my lover but what is he to me? He’s not nothing, no, that can’t be true.

He is something to me.

I want him to be something that I can call mine. He’s my commander but in that way, I share him with hundreds of people. If not lover then what? Partner? That would more likely be Erwin.

What is he to me in which he can only be mine?

Chapter Text

“Sasha, stop bitching around (Y/N) and talk to her already.” Mikasa reprimanded the former which made Sasha scoff.

“Oh, you mean Captain (Y/N)?” She drawled the word captain, mocking the conversation we had before my meeting.

“Let it go already.” Jean entered the conversation after taking a gulp of his water. “Connie’s fine, everyone’s fine; No one is dead.”

I kept my silence, focusing on finishing my food while I listened to them talk about me while I was at the same table with them. Today’s menu is pork and beans with boiled potato for each soldier and some sour but delightful pork broth.

“Well thank god no one is dead because I’ll be hunting someone down and add them to the list.” Sasha replied with her mouth full which made Mikasa give her a look.

Assuming that someone is me, I dropped my spoon and cleared my throat. “If you stop giving me death threats, it would be appreciated.”

“You are not yet forgiven.”

“Ok, whatever you want but let’s all move on.”

Sasha looked like she had more to say but decided to keep her mouth shut.

I am never one to open or start a topic of conversation; so when everyone fell silently awkward, not knowing the right topic of discussion, occasionally glancing between me and Sasha, I fell quiet too.

I heard Jean clear his throat, an obvious attempt to lighten up the mood. “You know, we should visit Reiner and the others. It has been a while since we last saw them.”

“Yeah, he was the one who picked up the radio when we contacted Colony 2.” Armin spoke, still seemingly fazed by what we learned back in the control room.

At the mention of our friend, Sasha looked up from her bowl of soup with starry eyes, looking excited. “Really? What did he say?”

“Nothing personal, we were discussing more about the current situation.” Contrary to Sasha, Armin replied with not so much excitement.

“Jean’s right,” Mikasa agreed nonchalantly. “We should pay them a visit soon.”

“Not if the president decides to seal the gates.” I wanted to say, but right now this is still confidential information. The last thing I want to hear is Connie or Eren recklessly discussing this with their friends outside the colony.

“Good, cause Zeke was ignoring me today even though we were both in the meeting. That fucker didn’t give me money for this month.” Eren grumbled, shaking his head at the thought.

“You are getting paid with your salary.” I reminded him that, in fact, he has a job in which he is getting money.

Although the world ended and we have no idea what lies outside in the harsh eternal winter, the colonies tried to make a functional society within them.

There are still social concepts of politics, money, jobs, even social hierarchy evident in the sectioning. This is done to prevent humanity’s downfall even further. Without it, there would be no order and only chaos would prevail. If there is no currency to be exchanged with goods, everyone would steal from each other. Which is why we need to have jobs.

If there is no government or leaders, there won’t be established laws which punishes those committing an offense. There won’t be any systematic procedures.

And in this cycle, we function as a society; Everyone needs to have a role which contributes to the community.

“So what if I get paid? Zeke gets paid more in two weeks than I get in a month.” If there’s something that Eren loves the most, that would be arguing. “And I am his brother.”

“You already turned 18, learn to not be dependent on him anymore.” I mentally thank Mikasa for that. Eren should learn to be on his own.

“Leave me be.” The boy rolled his eyes while playing with his soup, sloshing the liquid around with his spoon. “You accept things from me which I bought with his money. That scarf is technically from Zeke.”

At the mention of this, Mikasa’s hand flew to the red scarf wrapped around her neck. “You forgot to mention that detail. I wouldn’t have accepted it if I knew.”

“Then just give it back if you hate it that much.” Jean commented.

“No, it’s mine now.”

“I’m practically poor right now, I already spent half of my pay this month and it’s only the second week.” Sasha grumbled.

“Well if you didn’t spend money in food stalls every hour then you wouldn’t be poor.” Connie pointed a fork at her. “That's your problem.”

“She should be banned from going to the plaza.” Eren suggested. “She can only go when we go.”

I was waiting for everyone else to finish their meals so that we can all head to the dorms together since it’s getting late, the moment I’ve been waiting for the whole day. Our shift already ended before dinner.

The group continued to chatter amongst themselves while I daydreamed about having a good night’s rest when my earpiece glowed blue and the ringing pulled me out of my thoughts.

Shit shit shit— I forgot about Levi.

Even before pressing the device to accept the call, my legs already started walking, leaving my friends without a chance to say goodbye.

Immediately knowing who called before the line even connected, I already rushed to greet him. “Good evening, commander.”

“I told you to come to my office after dinner.” Much to my worry, he sounds displeased “Are you wasting time chitchatting with those bunch of idiots again?”

“I lost track of time, sir. It won’t happen again.” I purposely did not include an apology since he was right, I do sound like a broken record.

I felt embarrassed for the amount of times and people I have to apologize to just for this day alone. I am not usually like this, it’s just not a good day for me.

“Do you know how much work I have to do?” The audio glitched for a bit, mixing Levi’s voice with static but his anger can still be heard. “I have a shit ton of backlogs piling on my desk and I don’t need your tardiness on top of my list to stress about.”

My walk turned to a run, ignoring the “No running in the hallways” sign that Erwin put up. I passed by a few soldiers looking weirded out, probably wondering if there is some emergency.

“Give me five minutes, sir. I’m on my way.”

He hung up without a word and I muttered a series of curses under my breath when I arrived at the foot of the staircase. The mess hall is on the ground floor while Levi’s office along with other military rooms are on the third.

I skipped every other step, ignoring the strain on my legs just to arrive sooner. I don’t have a clue why he summoned me but there’s only one way to find out. When I got to the right floor, I didn’t stop running because his office was at the end of the hallway. I have to pass by six rooms and I can already feel the food in my stomach rising up due to the physical activity.

I did not bother to knock on his door since he had already expected me so I barged in with unintentional force. When I got there, he was writing on a piece of paper, unfazed with my presence.

True to his words, there were papers scattered all over his desk but were unorganized which is very unlikely for him to make a mess.

“You are twenty-three seconds late.” He commented without looking up from his paper. I watched the movement of his hand as he wrote.

“You were timing me?” Scolding me by being late for less than half a minute is completely unhinged. I wanted to scoff and roll my eyes at him but that would only lead to consequences.

“Sorry, have I not expressed my hatred for tardiness enough?” Now he was just being sarcastic. He is crankier today than usual, which is the worst thing for me.

“I’m sor—”

He threw the paper holder ( an acrylic sphere) in my direction which hit my right shoulder. It was not more than the size of a normal rock but it was heavy. The impact made me wince and I heard the object roll on the floor somewhere.

“Stab me in the eye if I have to listen to you spout that bullshit again!” Levi slammed his hands on his wooden desk and the sound seemed to bounce off the walls in the empty room.

It hurts. I don't have to pull down my uniform and take a look to know that my skin is starting to bruise. Levi is strong and he did not hold back his strength when he threw it. I don’t cry when he gets violent anymore, I got used to it by now.

It is my fault. I should’ve done better today. It’s my fault for making a false alarm, it’s my fault for being late to the president’s meeting, and it’s my fault that I lost track of time. My fault and no one else’s. I deserved to get hit.

Another apology was sitting on the tip of my tongue. I want to blurt out another sorry, my brain is programmed to apologize to the commander for every minor inconvenience I put him through. The fear of getting my tongue cut off if I say it, is overpowering the need to do so.

He looked really scary at the moment and I felt ashamed that he was wasting his time chiding me instead of getting his work done. I chose to stay quiet, still standing in front of him with the desk separating us.

“Why are you standing there like a lost child? Sit your ass down.” My feet reacted immediately and I went to sit on the chair in front of him. “I should’ve chosen Mike as my captain instead of you. That bastard declined my offer and wanted to spend the rest of his days sniffing criminals out like a dog.”

That part hurt more than getting hit with a paper weight on the shoulder. I did not realize that while I only looked at him with adoration, he looks at me with so much anger. I wonder if Mike was his captain, would he be under the same situation as I am.

“I’ll do better tomorrow, commander.” I finally found my voice, he ignored how it cracked while I spoke.

He didn’t reply to that, and I’ll gladly take it rather than another speech filled with hurtful words. By this point, I feel like my heart hurts more than my shoulder.

He went back to writing his report like nothing happened. “I need you to check on something tomorrow.”

There was a pause, he was writing at an incredible speed and he stopped talking for a few seconds in order to not lose his train of thoughts.

“Hange will be accompanying you to check on section 3.” He continued but still didn’t give the full explanation as to why. He looked busy, his eyebrows knitted together in concentration.

“But by reason of what?” I asked when the pause was longer than the previous one.

I heard him sigh, only replying when the pen made a period on the paper. “Livestock are getting sick. It’s worrying Hange and Erwin wanted me to go but if you’re not blind, you can see how I’m drowning here.” He looked at the swamp of papers with a frown.

“Can you elaborate on the first part, sir?”

Levi put his pen down and massaged his right hand with the left. It must be cramped by writing for this long. I don’t even know if he already ate dinner.

“The president gave me a visit earlier. He said the people under him received numerous reports saying pigs were dying out of nowhere and most of them are getting sick for no reason. He already alerted Hange and he wants me to be there too, all the while insisting that I give him the papers tomorrow.” Levi looked pissed at Erwin and it felt good that I was not the one he’s pissed at anymore.

“That motherfucker.” He continued ranting. “Even when he’s not the commander anymore, he still expects me to do two things at the same time.”

The farmers in Section 3 are the one in charge of livestock. Before the colonies were shut from the outside world, animals that are food staples for humans were brought in to multiply and be slaughtered. Thanks to Hange’s genius, the colonies found a way to raise plants that would survive living conditions.

All of these became possible even being completely indoors with no sun.

“I’ll take care of it tomorrow. Would that be all, sir?” I want to rest. If God is real, he can testify how badly I wanted to rest.

“You’ll meet with Hange at the plaza 9 in the morning—if you’re late, Braus can forget about her empty threats and I’ll kill you myself. Do not leave even a minor detail when you report back to me, Erwin doesn’t know I’m sending you instead.”

“Understood, sir.” I stood up, ready to take my leave. “Is there anything more?”

“Get me a cigarette from my drawer behind me. You’ll accompany me until I finish half of my work.” He was very nonchalant with the request. “I can’t leave this desk, I need someone to order around.”

With the request for my company, I felt the fatigue leave my body. Although I did not show it on my face, I was over the moon with the idea of having Levi in close proximity. Watching him work is like a front seat ticket.

I went to the drawer he pointed at, beside the red curtains behind him. When I opened the first one, a pack of half opened cigarettes greeted me. Picking it up to take one, I put it back without forgetting the lighter right next to it.

I stood beside Levi and I placed the cigarette near his mouth, holding it between my pointer and middle finger. He turned his head to the side without pausing his writing nor taking his eyes off his desk.

He put it inside his mouth and took a long drag after I lighted it. I stayed there, holding the cigarette by his side as he worked, occasionally turning to take a puff without saying a word.

I did not care. I did not care that he was using me as his cigarette holder. I did not care if he didn’t acknowledge my presence beyond my purpose. I was simply content.

After he finished three cigarettes, the butts forgotten on the silver ashtray on his desk, he finally spoke to me.

“You don’t have to worry about doing this after your shift ends. I’m planning to get myself an assistant.” Every time he finished a paper, he would place it on his left side to keep track of the ones that he needed to work on.

“What? Why do you need an assistant?”

“For reasons like this. This is not your responsibility to stay here but I need an extra pair of hands.”

“But I can double as your assistant. I’m not really that tired.”

I tried my best to persuade him. No one knows him better than I do. No one can do the job better than me. What if his assistant can’t memorize his schedule? What if they give him a hard time?

What if they don’t like his attitude? What if they’re mean to him?

Automatically, my brain lists down all the things that could go wrong. But it didn’t list the one thing I was actually scared of happening.

What if he doesn’t need me anymore?

“Don’t be a fool and focus on your job.” He says.

“But I can—” he cut me off.

“Stay out of my business, it’s none of your concern.” Levi snapped at me, the only time he looked up to make eye contact. He was serious. “I’m done. I’ll finish the rest tomorrow. You can leave.”

I nodded as my eyes trailed on the stack of papers on his left side. Levi stood up, for a moment I was amazed how he did not need to stretch his legs. I can only assume that he was here for hours without breaks.

He entered the door on the right side of his office which is connected to his private quarters.

I shifted my weight on my legs as I waited for him to come back out. But after almost ten minutes of waiting outside in his office, I was convinced that he’s not coming back.

“Good night.” I said to no one.

With a sigh, a heavy heart, and a slightly injured shoulder, I left his office.

_________________________________

By 8:30 am, I was already sitting on a bench in the plaza waiting for Hange to arrive. The place was already busy at this hour. I can hear merchants persuading people to buy their products, calling out to anyone who passes by their stalls.

I felt my stomach gurgle, probably begging me to eat some breakfast which I didn’t have any appetite for.

“You took a bite from it. Now you have to pay for it.”

“Not fair! You didn’t say I have to before I could eat it.”

“Is that not obvious to you?”

I couldn’t help but overhear the quarrel happening at the stall next to me. The owner, who is a bearded man in his late 40s, was having a dispute with a boy who looked younger than me by a year the most.

I was still sleepy, I did not have enough sleep last night even though my body was pretty tired. I kept tossing and turning around my bed due to insomnia. I probably look like I rose from the grave right now.

Before their argument could escalate any further with it turning into a physical fight, I stood up from my seat despite not wanting to.

“What’s going on here?” I asked them both when I got near. With the sound of my voice, both of them stopped talking and stared at me.

The owner must’ve noticed that I am a military officer, his mood completely changed when he recognized what I was wearing.

“Officer! Good you’re here, perfect timing. This boy,” He pointed at the other. “Took a piece of the loaf I am selling and now he refuses to pay.”

“You forgot to mention the part where you told me it was a free sample! I didn’t even want to buy it in the first place.” The boy extended his arm to grab the man by his collar.

“Hey!” I tried to yank his hand off but he won’t budge. “Hey! Hands off, boy. Take your hands off or I’m taking you to the basement behind bars.”

“You’re right, captain.” He must’ve recognized my face too and he looked pleased about it, he was smiling like a maniac. “He needs to be put in jail. People like him are a menace to society.”

The boy pulled back his hands to himself, getting angrier at the man instead of being scared at the possible consequences of his action.

“This wouldn’t have happened if you were not a greasy, lying rat.” He insults the older.

“See.” He pointed again at the boy with an open palm. “He needs to be taught a lesson not to steal.”

“What’s your name?” I asked him, that calmed him down a bit seeing that I wasn’t mad.

“Adam.” He replies meekly.

I pressed a button on my earpiece to make a call.

“Captain?” Armin was the one who answered the call I directed to the main office.

“Who’s there right now?”

“Jean is here filling his water bottle but he’s going to—”

“Send him down to the plaza. Tell him to bring handcuffs and a taser with him.” I ordered and ended the call before he could even finish his sentence. Jean can drink his water later.

Adam’s eyes widened hearing my words. His calmness completely disappeared and mouth agape. “No. No, please I didn’t want— this is a misunderstanding. I was just— I didn’t steal anything.” He scrambled to find words for his explanation.

“Save it for later when I have already eaten.” I told him.

“Thank you so much for your service, captain.” The owner of the stall grabbed my hand without permission to shake it. I tried not to grimace when I felt his sweat all over me.

“Oh, no worries, I’m just doing my job.”

“But maybe you can release him if he pays double the amount of what he has stolen.” He wiggled his eyebrows as if this was a normal occurrence.

“Maybe, let’s see.”

I could see Jean jogging down the stairs, the handcuffs I requested clipped to his pants.

“Enjoy the rest of your time outside of prison.” He gave Adam a scornful laugh.

When Jean was only a few yards away, looking confused but still complying with my orders, I mouthed something to him when I was sure he could see me clearly. The others didn’t notice this, only my back in their sight.

Jean raised his eyebrows at me, telling me that he doesn’t know what is going on nonverbally. I tilted my head to the side quickly to point at those behind me.

“Officer, thank you for coming,” The merchant greeted Jean with a fat smile.

He patted Jean’s chest. But his smile was knocked off his face when Jean grabbed his hand and placed it behind his back, the back of his knee got kicked which sent him to a kneeling position.

“What?” Adam looked at me, he was totally expecting that he was the one who’s going to be in this position.

“Captain, tell him to get his hands off of me. I’m not the one he should do this to. It’s that rat.” He complained, groaning in the middle of his sentence when Jean pulled his arm back a little too tight until both his arms were cuffed.

“Shut up.” I smirked. “You think swindling isn’t a crime? You got some balls lying to the captain herself.”

“You bitch!” He spat, kicking his legs wanting to stand up but Jean pushing him back to the ground, the wet floor soaking his pants. “Don't touc— get the fuck away from me. You lying bitch! This is why they shouldn’t put a child into position.”

I rolled my eyes at his attempt to insult me. “Jean, hand it over to me.” I opened my palm and he took something from his back pocket before placing the black taser on my hand.

“See this?” I waved the taser in front of his sweaty face. “This child is going to tase you in the balls if you keep spouting nonsense.”

“Let me talk to your commander.” He huffs.

“You’re in luck! Cause he’s out of commission which means that I’m the highest ranking soldier you can speak to at the moment,”

“Ooh, what if we use him as a test subject for Dr. Zoe as his punishment?” Jean snickered at his thought.

“Good idea, the cells are getting overloaded might as well use him for science.” I replied to Jean. “That way he can give back to society.”

“What do you think they would do to him?”

“Probably inject him with the virus along with other stuff.” I smiled sweetly at the man kneeling in front of me. “Who knows.”

“You fucking animals!” he wails, oblivious to the emptiness of our threat, making people who were passing by stare at him. “I’m going to fucking k—”

“Take him out of my sight.” I didn’t have any more time to listen to his crap. He’ll wait in the basement until Erwin’s people decide about what to do with him.

“Up,” Jean pulled him up as the man tried to squirm away from him. Once he was standing on his feet, the former dragged him out but not without screaming and people talking amongst themselves like it was entertaining to watch him struggle.

“Thank you.”

I almost forgot about Adam who had his head down the entire time. He looked skinny and his clothes were ripped in some places.

“Don’t get fooled next time.” I offered him a small smile and he returned it with a big on.

Chapter Text

When Adam left the scene, my mouth dropped to a frown. I feel lethargic and my shoulder hurts, maybe that was why I couldn’t sleep last night. After showering, I looked at my reflection in the mirror and there it was, swollen and bruised to the point it hurts to move.

Thinking that it must’ve been dislocated due to the impact of a heavy object, I massaged it with my left hand. Also thinking that it would be better if I rotated my shoulder in small circles just like a warm up exercise, I raised it up but halfway in doing so, the movement made it hurt even more.

“Injured your shoulder?” 

I quickly turned around to see who the voice belonged to.

Hange was resting her head on her palm, their other hand holding a cup of hot coffee. Moblit sat on the bench in front of them, looking tired as I am. 

“Good morning, Dr. Zoe.” I bowed politely. “I didn’t know moblit was coming with us today.”

“He’s not my assistant for nothing.” Hange beamed, I don’t understand how they can look this energized early in the day. “You don’t have to worry about him spreading confidential information. Coffee?” They raised the cup as a gesture.

“No thanks, I don’t drink caffeine.” I politely decline, the least thing I want to be today is to be cranky. Coffee makes me cranky. 

“So, can I really use him as a test subject?” Hange gets that look in her eyes when they’re talking about science— something that resembles having an unhealthy obsession. 

I saw Moblit in the corner of my eye pinching the bridge of his nose, probably fed up with Hange or it was too early for this.

“God, no.” I laughed at the thought. “We were just scaring him—Dr. Zoe?” They looked like they were daydreaming, completely forgetting about me. “Dr. Zoe, I said no.”

I looked at Moblit for help. “Don’t look at me, I can’t smack her out if it. She’s technically my boss.” He shrugged.

“Perhaps we can schedule his transfer to my lab.” They smiled at me, nodding their head in excitement as if I completely agreed to it.

“Sorry to disappoint you, but that would be considered a crime against human rights, his crime is not even that grave. Unfortunately, I cannot put him on death row.”

“Consider this as your peace offering?” She tried to continue persuading me.

“Oh, I haven’t formally apologized to you. I'm really sorry about that false alarm with Springer, it will not happen again.”

I felt a chill run down my spine and the throbbing pain in my shoulder increased but I ignored it. My brain must’ve psychologically associated apologizing with pain because of Levi— he keeps hurting me physically whenever I apologize to him.

“Don’t sweat about it, Moblit was more stressed about it than me.” They chuckled.

Moblit looked at them bewildered. “Dr. Zoe may I remind you that we are in the middle of a—”

“Ah ah ah.” Hange raised a finger before their assistant could finish. “And it already happened, it’s done. Now, we must be going.”

Hange stood up which Moblit copied and we headed to the west side of the plaza where the gate that leads to section 3 is. Today, it was guarded by Hitch and Marlo.

“We’re here on the President’s orders.” The doctor announced brightly, waving to the officers.

“Don’t worry, doctor. You don’t need a reason to enter.” Marlo smiled, bowing to show courtesy while Hitch fumbled the bundle of keys to open the gate.

I let Hange enter first followed by Moblit and lastly me. I heard the gate being closed again behind us, the rusting sound of it swinging and then the jingle of keys.

We walked through the hallway, occasionally passing common folks accompanied by a family member or friend and some walked alone, holding a basket or bag probably to buy groceries. 

The hallway seemed a little bit dirty in comparison to ours and section 1. I can see some puddles of water due to the broken pipe on the ceiling above it and some stains (probably rust) smeared on the wall but ultimately it doesn’t look that bad, just a bit unkempt for my liking.

“I assume that you have been briefed regarding the purpose of our visit already?” They asked after a few moments of walking in silence.

I nodded. “The commander already explained to me the situation. He’s finishing some documents so he sent me instead.”

“Pfft, yeah yeah, I know.” Hange scoffed. “How is he? I haven’t seen him frequently, always cooped up in that office, haven’t seen him eat either.”

“He’s…” I paused to think about the right word. “He’s just stressed and tired. This has been a long week for him.” It was true. Levi couldn’t catch a break even if he wanted to. There’s always something going on.

I can’t see Hange’s face beside me, I was looking straight ahead but I could feel them rolling their eyes at my words. “It’s been a long week for us but you won’t see me being gloomy.”

“The commander’s not gloomy.” I frowned at the comment. 

Sure, he has that permanent frown as an expression but that doesn’t mean he’s gloomy . He’s burdened. Out of all people here, he carries the most burden.

Hange came to a halt all of a sudden which made me and Moblit stop on our tracks and look back at them to see why.

“Huh.” They say as if they figured something out. Again, Hange has that look on their face but this time I can’t pinpoint what that actually means. They’re looking at me but at the same time it’s like their mind is not in the present.

“Why? What?” I asked. 

Moblit didn’t say anything but glanced at his watch on his left wrist.

“Nothing.” they mumbled softly. “We need to get going, Mr. Wagner is waiting for us.”

Despite section 3 being the poorest out of all the sections under colony 1 in terms of social hierarchy, they got the biggest space for agriculture and manufacturing. The people here do not wear suits or military uniforms, they wear shirts, aprons— something that doesn’t scream money or power but labor.

If the military in section 2 provide protection and the people in section 1 provide guidance, the people in section 3 are the hard laborers— the backbone of the colony. 

The three of us arrived at the area where they keep livestock which is conveniently called The Barn. It really looked like a barn just made out of walls of glass and metal. There were long fluorescent bulbs lined up on the high ceiling which illuminated the place.

When we got there, Mr Wagner— probably in his 50s and wearing a black long sleeve shirt and a matching pair of rain boots— was standing outside a glass room, staring inside, hands crossed on his chest.

“How are things holding up, Mr. Wagner?” Hange stood beside him and me and Moblit followed.

“Not good, doctor.” The old man shook his head as he continued to stare at the scene in front of him. “Not good at all.”

Inside the glass walls were pigs. They look like they’re asleep but I know the ones lying on their back are dead. Some that are obviously still breathing were just laying down, stationary. They were caged inside a wooden pen.

“That bad to the point of isolating them from other animals?” I asked. 

When you enter the barn, you’ll be greeted by cattles, chickens and turkeys in their respective pens looking alive and healthy. Then at the right end of the barn, you’ll see a hallway that leads to this quarantine room.

“That bad?” Mr. Wagner laughed dryly. “Captain, last week I was taking care of at least 40 pigs.”

I proceeded to mentally count the pigs inside, there were eight—five if I count the ones that I’m sure are alive.

“So you isolated them because you’re scared that they’ll infect other species of livestock?” Hange asked to understand the means they employed to prevent it.

“That and no one is allowed to go inside this quarantine room without protective clothing. I’m afraid humans can catch whatever illness they have.” The man sighed defeatedly. “There’s nothing I can do anymore, I’m too scared to go inside to feed them. I just hoped that at least one survives when you arrive for testing.”

“Colony 1 can never taste pork again,” Moblit commented.

Thank God I do not like pork.

“Moblit, get the equipment ready. We’ll take blood samples. Let’s take one sample from one that’s dead and another from one that’s still breathing.” Hange commanded, handling the situation seriously.

Moblit unzipped the PPE bag he took with him and handed me and Hange out protective suits— the same ones he was wearing when he tested Connie. I wore it over my uniform and they both did the same thing. 

He passed us the goggles, gloves, masks and boots to ensure that no patch of skin would be exposed in case whatever illness these pigs have can be transmitted to humans.

When we were fully protected, Mr. Wagner led us to the door, Hange brought their Identification card up to the scanner and the lock clicked open. Every quarantine room in the colony has these scanners to make sure that only the authorities and people incharge (like Mr. Wagner) can go through them. It is also a way to monitor who comes and goes.

The glass door was locked again once the three of us were inside and Mr. Wagner stayed behind, observing us through the glass. 

Although I had a double layer of surgical masks on, I can still smell the foul stench inside. It smells like death. I’m surprised the other pigs didn’t eat the dead ones, pigs eat anything. Their bodies can even digest metals and shit it out like it was nothing.

The situation inside was horrendous. Shit, pee, and for some reason, blood was everywhere. There’s no coming back from this. Whatever the results would be, these pigs can’t be slaughtered for human consumption anymore.

“(Y/N), grab that one by the wall, it’s still breathing.” Hange pointed at the one laying on its belly, it’s still alive but patches of its skin were missing, exposing flesh and muscles. Around it, is what looks like pus surrounding the area.

Against my better judgement, I walked closer to the infected animal without any violent reaction despite my brain screaming at me to get away from it. 

I squatted down beside the animal and because the distance between us is shorter, the smell is also worse. Behind the goggles, my eyes were tearing up due to the stench and I resisted the urge to gag.

“Where do you want it?” I looked up at the doctor who had the same expression of disgust.

“External jugular vein.” They answered. “We need a volume of 20ml, I’m planning to experiment on it using different variables.”

I nodded in understanding, flipping the pig on its back. The external jugular vein is located just below its neck and above its chest. In a normal case, the pig would be standing on all fours with a snout rope to make sure it stays in place. 

But this pig won’t go anywhere even if I slit its throat. Once it’s rolled on its back, the animal did not show any sign of protest, not having enough energy to open its eyes.

The position is perfect, its neck extended and we can see the vein Hange will puncture. The doctor opened their palm and their assistant placed a vacuum tube with a needle. 

“Hold it still.” Moblit said and I held myself back from rolling my eyes. It would be a miracle if the pig stood up and ran away.

I placed my hand under its snout to make sure it stays extended. Hange observed the vein (it was pulsing very faintly that if I didn’t stare at it for long, I could’ve missed it) and once they were satisfied, they inserted the needle deeply, automatically the tube gets filled with blood. Even through this ordeal, the pig is still lying motionless.

The blood is too dark, almost completely black. A healthy blood would be red or any shades of it but there’s no denying that this sample is black.

I took the tube and needle out, droplets of blood spilled out of the animal’s open skin. I handed it to Moblit who very cautiously placed it inside a zip bag, marking it with a red marker. 

“Put it to rest, (Y/N).” Hange looked sad. I didn’t ask her to say it again, fully understanding what they meant.

Hange and Moblit went to the center of the pen and found a nearly decaying pig. With its whole ribs almost visible and the maggots eating its eyes, it’s clearly dead.

Without wasting any more time, I took the dagger I safely hid inside my left boot. It was silver with an emerald stone decorating the hilt. I gripped the handle tightly and slit the animal’s throat without hesitation.

The black blood came flooding out the wound, I didn’t even hear any sound coming from the poor pig. It feels like it knew what was going on and was begging for mercy itself. The thick liquid splattered on my leg but the gown served its purpose as protection. 

The three of us did not talk much while we were doing our job with the exception of necessary commands. Whether it was the serious vibe or we were too disgusted with the smell to open our mouth, I’m not sure.

I went to where Hange and Moblit were, in time Hange took the tube and needle out and just like the first sample, Moblit placed it inside a separate ziplock but used a blue marker instead.

“I think we’re done here.” They announced. “Finish the rest off while Moblit and I burn these PPEs.”

“Understood.” was all I said and then proceeded to kill every single pig that was still alive in that room, the same way I did to the first one. At the end of the task, I looked bloodier than before and the worst part, I smelled like death. 

In order to exit the room, there’s a bit of a lengthy process— more doors to go through until we can finally get out. 

Leaving the first door is a small, confined space where the incinerator is. We all took off our protective clothing and placed it inside. Everything, even the markers that Moblit used. Once it's all inside the oven, I pressed the button with my elbow to close it and I watched as everything inside was lit on fire.

In the next door, there was a short hallway with ultraviolet lights and I squinted my eyes as steam engulfed us. This is what we do to sterilize people to make sure the virus that might’ve stuck on us dies.

After 5 minutes inside there, the timer went to zero and the final door clicked open. Mr. Wagner was right outside waiting for us. 

“The sample?” Mr. Wagner asked worriedly, scared that we threw it out too since he can’t see it on Hange.

“Got it.” Moblit raised two ziplocks so the farmer could see it better. 

The ziplock is made out of plastic, the virus won’t stick on plastic, plus the sterilization process— it’s safe and clean.

“Jesus fucking hell!” Hange bent over and placed their hands on their knees, taking a big inhale of fresh air. “It felt like— I think I almost died back there. Been holding” they paused to inhale again. “Been holding my breath for forever. The smell would kill me first than the actual virus.”

I can see moblit clearly now without his mask covering his face and he looked like he was about to faint anytime soon. He still got the grimace and I bet he’s still recalling how the room smelled like. 

Ultimately, I feel fine, just a little lightheaded. I hope I didn’t catch anything because I was not holding my breath which means between the three of us, I smelled most of it.

Mr. Wagner laughed hearing Hange’s words. “Dr. Zoe you always say things for whatever they are. Can you imagine if I held hope enough to feed them three times a day? I would’ve been dead by now.”

“That would be useless, they’re too far gone to even have the appetite for food. You’d only be risking yourself.” Moblit stated when he found his ability to speak again, although he was still pinching his nostrils close as if he can still smell it.

“Thank you for reporting this case to us, Mr. Wagner.”  Hange placed her hand over her heart to show gratitude. “We will be updating you how this goes.”

“Dr. Zoe, I’d like to interview Mr. Wagner briefly, I have some questions that I would like to ask.” I said, the duo already dropped hints that they’re ready to leave.

Hange glanced at Moblit which the latter shook his head at, Hange nodded in return— only both of them can understand each other nonverbally.

“Then we’ll leave you to it. I need to take these samples directly to the lab. Moblit can’t stay either because I’ll be needing him with me.” Hange looked guilty.

Sometimes it makes me feel ashamed that I can’t feel guilt for other people like they do. It makes me feel selfish at some point. 

“It’s not a problem, I know my way back.” 

Hange and Moblit took their leave, putting the ziplocks safely inside the PPE bag. It’s the last thing they want— the public to notice. Rumors would turn to assumptions and the only assumptions that would result from this can create unnecessary panic.

Everything is still confidential information until it gets out of hand.

“You can interview me at my home. Would you like a cup of coffee?”

“Tea would be better.”

Mr. Warner’s home is just beside the barn. Home as in a large room that fitted a small table with two chairs and a tidied mattress on the floor against the wall as a bed. The stove is by the sink which is behind the table. It’s nothing fancy, it’s obvious that no one rich lives here but it was clean and tidy.

Even Levi’s office is bigger than this.

“I’m sorry it’s not much but I don’t think you’d like to make the interview with the animals getting noisy.” He lets out a nervous chuckle once I’m seated on one of the chairs.

“You’re home is quite lovely, Mr. Wagner.” I commented, it’s a reach but Levi would approve of the cleanliness as well. 

“Thank you, my wife, Dahlia always makes sure everything is in place. Without her, this would be dirtier than the barn.” He walked behind me to do something in the makeshift kitchen. “You can ask me while I make you your tea, dear. I’m sorry.” He stopped and turned to me. “Is it alright if I call you that?”

“Don’t worry, it’s alright.” I replied. “Sometimes I feel old when I’m addressed too formally.”

“Okay.” He gave me a kind smile and proceeded to put the kettle on the stove.

“What happened last week, Mr. Wagner?”

“Oh please, now you’re making me feel old. Call me Owen. It’ll help me get more comfortable.”

I hummed in agreement. “Please tell me what happened last week and this monday when we received the first report, Owen.”

Instantly, Owen’s expression changed. His shoulders dropped and his fingers drummed on the sink tile. “Everything was fine. They were all healthy, they were all eating well, and they were still playful.” 

“What happened on monday?”

“One of the piglets fell sick but because I can’t monitor every single animal in that barn, I did not notice she was ill. I only found her dead that morning. In that afternoon, another piglet died and when the day was finished, five piglets were all dead.”

I sat there as I played with the pen using my fingers, taking down notes of the important details of his report. When I finished writing it, I hummed to let him now he can continue.

“The next day, the same thing repeated but the deaths went higher, more than a hundred percent of monday’s. I thought it was only the piglets but soon enough the big ones caught whatever it was too. Which leads us to now. Zero pigs left.” 

“Were you scratched by the animal or came into direct contact with them while having an open wound?” I asked this just to make sure. If Hange’s result was a viral transmission, Owen would already be infected if these circumstances occurred.

“No, I haven’t.”

“Do you and Dahlia have any kids?” I asked, I was doing a background check on him, just in case.

He chuckled, the sound of a spoon hitting the teacup as he stirred, filled the dead air. He sat on the vacant seat in front of me and placed the warm tea on the table, I took it gratefully.

“Nope.” He popped the P. “It’s just her and me.”

I wrote that part down.

I stopped writing to take a sip of the tea, it’s butterfly pea. I’ve seen Levi drink this but only once or twice, I haven’t tried it myself. It tastes weird, even though Owen didn’t add any milk or sweetener, I did not expect the taste to be so bitter. But then again, it’s my first time trying it so it must naturally taste like this.

“Does your wife work?” 

“No ma’am, she takes care of the house and helps me with the barn sometimes.” He broke eye contact and drummed his fingers on the table, which must be a habit of his.

“When did you start—”

Something interrupted me. There’s a white door behind Owen and the crash came from inside it. I looked at him, waiting for him to explain what it might be but his eyes wandered everywhere but mine.

“What was that?” 

“Oh, it must’ve been the cat. He likes sleeping on the bathroom floor.” He replied with no hint of persuasion, even his tone is more of a question than a statement.

The wooden chair dragged on the floor when I stood up. “You didn’t mention you have a cat.”

“Oh, it’s not really ours, we haven’t completely adopted it but it’s always here for some reason.” He spoke too fast, and if only I had a supernatural sense of hearing, I’d know that his heart is hammering against his chest faster than it normally should.

“Mind if I take a look?” 

I walked up to where the door is but Owen stood up so fast he grabbed me by my injured shoulder. I almost screamed in pain but fortunately, I didn’t.

“No, it’s untidy. Dahlia didn’t have the time to clean it before she left.” His hand was still grabbing me. “Please, I wouldn’t like it if you go in there.”

“Owen, I need to go inside.” My voice was stern and he knew he can’t stop me from going inside. 

“Please, please, please. Please wait for Dahlia to come back from the plaza. She’ll clean it before you take a look. Just please!” 

He’s begging more than he should over a dirty bathroom. He sounds so desperate that it makes my hands itch and I want to turn the doorknob open already. 

No, he’s not begging over some unflushed toilet or unarranged shower essentials. Those things won’t make a grown man pull me back desperately. He’s hiding something behind that door.

My earpiece rang, just right in time, the timing can’t be worse than this. I let it rang, biting my lip as I contemplated whether to answer it or continue on finding out what this man was hiding in the bathroom.

Fuck this , I muttered under my breath, suddenly having the urge to kick the door wide open. But no, they wouldn’t call me if it was nothing of importance.

I answered the call. “Somebody should be fucking dying over there.” I spoke harshly, not even knowing what office or who is over the line.

“Captain, thank God you answered.” It was Eren and he didn’t sound like his old goofy self, he sounded panicked and I can hear people running in the background.

“The fuck is going on over there, I just left! Can’t you imbeciles take care of a situation even for once?” 

At this point when I get back, I’m handing Eren his ass on a silver platter.

“Captain, the commander is sick. He’s looking for you.”

Chapter Text

“I told you that someone better be dying when I get here!” I screamed at them.

Eren, Armin, floch, Marco, Jean, Mikasa, Sasha, and Connie were kneeling in a straight line on the floor of Levi’s office. Their arms are raised with their palms open, carrying a book on each. I was pacing back and forth in front of them with a rolled up paper (Levi’s scratch from his desk) in my hand.

They were the ones at the scene when I came back so they were also the ones to face my wrath.

“We’re sorry we panicked!” Floch yelled too loudly for my liking. He was not in the position of raising his voice at his superior. 

“That’s because with every minor inconvenience you encounter, you blindly run around like headless chickens looking for me.” 

“We apologize, Captain!” Armin was on the verge of tears, this boy can’t handle a scolding.

“Mikasa, what did Jaeger tell me?” I asked her to play the sequence of events again since she’s the only one who’s keeping her composure cool.

“That the commander was sick and he was looking for you while everyone was screaming in the background.” She softly says, locking her eyes on mine. Despite the position she was in, she did not budge or falter, the books on her palms did not even move. 

Sasha and Connie looked like they were dying. They keep fidgeting, adjusting their weight on one knee and shifting it to the other one in seconds.

“Jean, what actually happened?”

The boy jerked when I called his name. “The commander had a migraine and asked where you were to verify that you did go with Dr. Zoe.”

“Eren.” The brown haired boy closed his eyes as if expecting I was going to pull my gun out and shoot him on the spot. If I could I would. “What did you do upon hearing that?”

“I called Infection Control.” He mumbled under his breath so low that I can’t make out a word he says.

“Speak up, soldier!” I ordered, pushing him to reiterate his words so that the whole room can hear him clearly.

“I called Infection Control and told them to send everyone ASAP because the commander was sick!” 

“Tell me everything you did.” 

“I called the entire Infection Control, the military heads, and the president!” He stated loudly which made his friends bow their heads in shame and secondhand embarrassment.

“Captain, with all due respect.” Jean started. “It was all Jaeger’s fault. None of us did any of that.”

Marco was kneeling beside Jean and the former bumped his knee on his friend’s thigh to make him shut up.

“It’s true!” Connie agreed with Jean’s words. “It would be unfair if we all get punished because of him.”

I smacked Connie and Jean’s head with the rolled paper, it’s a soft and light material but I made sure to put force so it would hurt a little. The smack made the others look away in fear that they’ll be next.

“So this is what you do, huh? Throw your fellow soldier under the bus to save yourselves?” I smacked them again.

“That’s not what we meant!” Floch objected.

“For heaven’s sake, shut up.” Armin screamed at him in a hushed tone. “Everyone, shut up!” He said the last part a little louder.

“The mistake of one is the mistake of all.” I started pacing again and I stopped when I got to where Jean was. “With that being said, Kirstein, Springer, extra training for 2 hours everyday.” 

They both groaned in unison. “But we’ll miss dinner.” Jean complained and Connie scrunched his face, wanting to complain too.

“Two and a half hours of additional training.” I emphasized my words, telling them that every complaint I hear would only bite them back in the ass. That made them take a deep breath to stop themselves from yapping again.

“Jaeger?” I walked up to his place. 

“Yes, ma’am!” He was about to give me a salute but then remembered both of his hands were occupied by books.

“Since it is your fault, you’re on suspension for five days.” I looked down on him.

“What? What am I going to do in those five days?!” Of course, he didn’t learn his lesson.

“A week of suspension.”

“That’s too much! Please don’t do this to me.” He begged.

“Sorry, you want to be discharged?” I asked him mockingly which caused him to panic even more.

“Okay, okay.” He raised the books higher in an act of surrender. “A week of suspension, I’ll take it. Geez, woman.”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear the last part, enjoy your vacation.” I knew he wanted to roll his eyes so bad, he was itching to do so. “The rest of you are on cleaning duty.”

I heard Sasha groan but stopped before she can actually finish it, looking at me to see if I heard it and I gave her a deadpan.

“Am I clear?” I listened closely in case there were more violent reactions. “Anyone wanna say anything?” I challenged them to raise their voice. They just shook their heads while looking at the floor instead of me.

“Then what the hell are you all waiting for?” Levi yelled at them which made them lift their heads. “Get the fuck out of my office before I kick you out myself.”

They all scrambled to get up on their feet at the commander’s order. Some dusted their knees and others winced in pain for staying in a kneeling position for too long.

“Put the books back.” Those imbeciles were still holding the books in the hurry of leaving. They handed it to Marco who did not expect he was the one to collect them. He was the last one to leave, placing the stack of books on the foot of the desk. 

“Wasn’t that a little too harsh?” Hange asked and I shook my head. 

Levi, Hange, Erwin, and Mike were having tea on the meeting table, closely watching how the soldiers got punished. 

“Harsh?” Levi questioned. “What they did to me was harsh.”

When I arrived, I couldn’t even see Levi. Everyone was crowding around him in just their uniform, no protective clothing. Eren had the back of his hand pressed on his neck, checking if he was having a fever. Sasha opened his right eye widely with two fingers to make sure his pupils are not dilated.

Levi was screaming for everyone to get off of him but they didn’t listen. Hange and the rest of the IC came barging in his office wearing PPEs and the doctor fussed over him, adding to the crowd. The feeling of everyone violating his personal space and their hands on him made him feel worse.

Mike, Shadis, and Erwin were the last to arrive. Shadis took one look at the scene before him, told Mike to take care of it and left. 

It was only when the president yelled for them to get off of Levi and move back that Levi had a gulp of fresh air. Erwin scolds them for being so close when Levi feels sick and he thought the commander had been infected (since that was what Eren implied when he called him, begging him to go to Levi’s office).

Hange tested him and it was negative, much to everyone’s sake. If it turned out positive, everyone in that room would’ve been quarantined.

I took a seat next to Hange, perpendicular to Levi. “And I was in the middle of something when they called. Bad timing.” I sighed.

“Oh how was your interview with Owen?” Hange chirped, I stared at them hardly, respectfully telling them to stop talking. I glanced at Levi and then at Erwin, debating if I should answer their question when the president was right there, thinking it was Levi who accompanied Hange.

“I know.” Erwin chuckled. “Levi told me he sent you instead when I saw him looking like shit.”

I choked at his choice of words. He just said that the commander looked like shit in front of other people. But then again, I remembered he’s the president and also their close friend. He can tell me I look like shit any day he wants.

“Well,” I did not know how to start, I folded my hands on the table.

I saw Mike sniff the air with his big nose. He looked at Erwin and shook his head. “Something is off.”

I froze when I heard him, now everyone’s eyes were on me. What did he mean something was off? Oh god, does he mean that Owen was actually hiding something? Should I go back there? Did I miss something?

“You smell worried.” 

Goddamnit, Mike. Good, it was only me that was off.

“Yeah, Owen was great. He’s kind—”

“We’re not asking about him.” Levi cut me off. “We want to know about the Interview. Give us a report.”

My cheeks went red with embarrassment. I must look like the entire circus right now. “Last week they were all fine. But on monday, one of the piglets died. Then four more on that day alone. Everyday it got worse, the death toll kept increasing until it got us here.”

“How are the other animals?” Mike asked. 

“They didn’t show any symptoms and none of them died. They looked fine.” Hange answered. 

“So it was just the pigs.” Levi muttered in thought.

“Conveniently, Colony 2 is well known for pork. They know how to cook it well and they have amazing recipes we could learn.” Erwin commented out of nowhere before taking another sip.

Hange gasped beside me and covered their mouth. “Are you saying that they’re the ones behind this? Could it really be them? but how?”

Levi banged his fist on the table, the tea cups clinking as a result. “Those rotten piece of shit. I knew they were not up to something good.” 

“Relax now.” By now, Erwin already finished his cup. “I’m not sure about this. It is just a mere assumption. But don’t you think the coincidence is very timely?”

“Very timely that they wanted to solicit for supplies and when the odds were not in their favor, all of our pigs died, the thing that they have abundance of.” Mike shook his head more at his realization. 

“Hange, were you able to check on the samples?” I asked, for a while I forgot the main purpose of our visit and they haven’t brought it up yet.

“Well, no. As soon as I was about to, I got called here.” They didn’t sound pissed, I would be and I am. I should’ve given Eren a month of suspension for what he did.

“Check on it as soon as possible.” Erwin reminded them.

“Great, you all have things you need to do.” Levi stood up from his chair. “As much as I want to continue this tea party with you, I need to rest.”

Everyone stood up to take their leave, Hange wished him to get well soon, Miche passed by behind him to take a sniff and nodded his head, not leaving before eyeing me. Erwin patted him on the back. And soon enough, it was only me who remained seated.

“Get me a warm cup of water.” He told me before entering his private quarters.

I did what he told me to do, made sure the dispenser was plugged in to heat up the water. I filled the cup with a quarter of hot water, steam coming up, and filled the rest with normal water to balance the temperature.
 
I took it with me and entered his room, he left the door unlocked. I placed the cup on top of his bedside drawer. He was on the bed, under the covers with his back facing me. I knew he was not sleeping, just resting his eyes.

“Can I stay here and look after you?” I spoke up.

“Do whatever you want.” He replied after a few seconds of silence.

There’s a couch at the other side of his bed, behind it was also a boarded up window. I laid on it, resting my back. I reached out for a book in the pile stacked below me on the floor. 

Finally I found one that piqued my interest; It was an encyclopedia about space. It had pictures too which I skipped the lengthy words for and skimmed the book for more.

From my place on the couch, I can see Levi’s face clearly. He looks so peaceful without the frequent frown on his lips and his eyebrows relaxed. He looked even more beautiful like this.

I lost interest with the book I was reading. His lips are slightly parted and he’s breathing so slow that if I didn’t know better, I’d think he was not at all. His eyelashes are long and look so silky.

“Stop staring,” He grumbled with his eyes still closed. “I’m trying to sleep but I can’t when I feel like I’m being watched.”

Despite being told, I smiled to myself and kept looking at him. I’ve been in his room a lot of times. Mostly when he tells me to get or look for something. But I’ve never watched him sleep, I tend to forget that he also sleeps. Everytime I see him, he’s just working nonstop.

“Come here.” He switched to a sitting position, his back resting against the headboard. The covers pooled around his hips and he took it off, patting his thighs.

He didn’t need to say it twice. I stood up immediately, the astronomy book fell on the floor, forgotten. Levi opened his legs a little to make enough room for me as I straddled him.

“Missed my doll so much.” He whispered in my ear, his hands gripped my waist  and it hurt so good.

I feel like I’m dreaming. I doubted if he really said that to me or am I just hearing things. Buh he did, and I could die right there and then. He never said that to me so I don’t know what he’s thinking now.

“I-I miss you too.” I whispered back hesitantly, sides of his lips curled upwards ever so slightly. 

He adjusted me in his lap so our chest could touch, his left hand was on the back of my neck. His hold was loose, he didn’t squeeze my neck like he normally would. His eyes darted on my lips and it lingered there longer than it should.

I bit my lower lip subconsciously, not used to being checked out by Levi. His eyes left my lips and shifted to mine. God, his eyes are prettier up close and I can talk about them for hours on end.

My eyelids were heavy, I was drunk on his scent, his actions, his handsome face, everything— I’m drunk on him.

All of a sudden, his grip on my neck tightened as he pulled my face to his. The next thing I knew, his lips were moving against mine. His eyes are closed but mine widened. 

The commander, Levi fucking Ackerman, was kissing me. I did not move, I did not kiss him back. I was too stunned to move a muscle.

I heard him groan and pull away. “Fucking kiss me back or you’ll pay for it.”

He gave me no time to process anything. He kissed me again but this time, I made sure to kiss him back. When my lips parted, he slid his tongue inside to taste me more. I couldn’t help but moan. Our tongues intertwined making the kiss wet and sloppy.

I pulled back this time to breathe, I saw him lick his lips. “You taste just like how I imagined.” His hands left my neck and now it was loosely fisting my hair.

He didn’t make it hurt, just to make sure I still knew my place. “Sir, please.”

He’s hard again. Everytime I’m on his lap, he gets hard. But just like before, he never took things to the next level. 

“Are you wet again? Poor doll, her pussy is leaking all over my thigh as always.” For some reason, I love it when he mocks me.

I nodded, not able to find the words.

“Take off your pants.” 

Without a word, I got off him. I slid my pants down my legs, Levi made sure to look. Once my pants were completely off, I threw it somewhere down the bed. I went back to my previous place— his lap.

“Now you can grind on my thigh better and I can feel you more.” He smirked. “Are those the ones I gave you?” He was referring to the pink, plain thong.

“Yes. I always wear what you give me, sir.”

“Good girl. Now shut up and ride my thigh.” He didn’t forget to give my ass one big spank.

I put my hands on his shoulders to give me support which he didn’t object to. I started slowly, the friction felt so good and my clit felt tingly, begging for more.

“Faster.” He ordered in that low voice he only uses when it’s just the two of us.

I fastened my pace, it was not long until I was panting and I could feel my own wetness. The thong was contributing to the friction and it felt even better when it was soaking wet. I moaned as I closed my eyes, scared that he'd get mad at me.

“Shit you’re getting wet.” He rested his head against the headboard with parted lips. His neck was in full view and I had the urge of sucking his skin and leave marks.

“I’m sorry I can’t help it.” I felt my stomach tighten and my hips moved faster, chasing the feeling of relief. But my thighs felt tired and I can’t keep up the pace, my hips stuttered. 

“Keep it up, I want you on the edge.”

“Sir,” I sobbed. “I can’t anymore. Please, Please.”

“My needy doll needs my help? Can’t even make your hole cum by yourself. Seriously, what can you even do?” 

Even though he gave my butt another slap, he guided my hips to help me keep grindin, he raised his thigh to put pressure on my clit.

“Fuck, sir more, mmm…need more.” I was close to crying, my eyes glistening with tears waiting to fall. I never felt so good.

“You take what I give you.” But he made me move faster.

“I can’t… please, I’m gonna— Can I cum? Please let me cum, sir.” 

He stopped. His hands left my waist and he put his thing back down flatly on the bed. 

“Wha- why did you stop?” I wailed, I full on humped him, disagreeing with his abrupt stop. I need more. “Please, I was so close…so close. Just a little bit more. I promise I’ll be good for you.”

 “Tssk. That’s the point though; you can’t cum.” He massaged my thigh with his thumb.

“But why?” I was so frustrated that the tears finally fell on my cheeks. I felt hot and bothered, I wanted to cum so badly.

“Cause I wanna see you cry.” He whispered again, his tongue darted out of his mouth and tickled my earlobe.

“But I feel tingly.”

“I don’t care.” Levi emphasized his words with a slap to my thigh. “Now, be a good girl and tell me. Have you ever put your finger inside your hole?”

I did not expect his question. Just like the last time, he made me feel so dirty and sinful. The question made me shudder and close my legs as I felt myself gush between my thighs.

“Come on, tell me.” He grabbed my face with his hand so that I can’t hide from him. “Do you finger your hole or rub your clit when you think about your commander?”

“I rub my clit.” I felt embarrassed saying that to his face which made a tear stream down my face, reaching his hand.

“And have you ever fingered your hole?” I tried to pull my face out of his grasp, not wanting to answer him, it felt too much. “Fucking answer me or I’ll asume you do and put three fingers up your cunt.”

“I don’t.” I was now shaking in his hold. “I’ve never tried it.”

“That’s my good doll. My good fucking doll.” He squeezed my butt so hard that it hurts. “And you’re not allowed starting from now on. Open your legs, I want to see how wet you are.”

He pushed my legs open and I can’t do anything but let him do as he pleased. I was still wearing my thong, the only thing that’s saving my dignity. But there’s a wet patch in the middle, darkening the color of the thong. 

He growled at the sight, he could see the outline of my hard clit. He trailed his pointer finger from where my clit would be and stopped right on where my hole is. I held my breath. Levi then put pressure, the tip of his finger prodded inside my tightness.

“I love how wet you get when I have my hands on you.  You’re nothing but a perverted little slut, a desperate whore.” He got his nose on my neck while he circles my clit with his thumb. “You’re all mine. No one can touch you here but me,” He put pressure on my clit as he said that. “Not even you.”

“But I— nghh mmhhmm— I need to touch.” He was still rubbing me and I’m near again.

“Oh, of course you do. I know you do, doll. I know you like to rub this thing against any surface you can find. But you can’t.”

There’s always something about Levi being fully clothed as he turns me into a puddle of mess. He looks so powerful, I can’t touch.

“S-sir.” I took a hold of his hand as my hips buckled against it. “I’m close.” I moaned. “I’m so close, ‘m gonna cum.”

Again, he took his hand off with a smirk. “I told you. I’ll send you over and over and over to the edge but you won’t cum.”

“I need a release. I can’t take it anymore.” I was going crazy, I just want to finish already. This feels like absolute torture.

“You can take it. Now I want to see you rub your clit if you really want to touch it.” I frozed when I heard his wish. “Show me how you like to do it.” He took my wrist and positioned it above my pussy until the tip of my fingers rested on my clit.

“I can’t.” I sobbed. I wanted to cry. The edging and the embarrassment plus his order made me want to scream. I can’t handle it anymore.

“If you’re not gonna rub it, I’ll pinch it so hard it bleeds.” He says while I sob and hang my head in embarrassment. 

He was satisfied when he saw me rub myself slowly. Soon enough, the feeling of embarrassment left me when I felt my high near again. I panted, trying to chase it for the third time in a row.

“There, there. That’s it. bring yourself to the edge.” Levi’s encouragement only made me rub harder. My eyes were closed and my lips parted as I moaned.

I kept my mouth shut, afraid that if I made a noise Levi would make me stop again. I’d rather him kill me than to stop me. I need this.

“Don’t you try to fool me. I know you’re close. Can fucking see your pussy quivering against the thong.” He warned.

“I need it, please!” My voice was getting louder and I couldn’t give a shit about it. “Let me have it. Please, sir.”

“I want you to squirt.” He adjusted me again on his lap. “You can squirt without cumming. And don’t you dare cum, I’ll give you 50 lashings if you cum without my permission.” He threatens.

“I don’t know how to, sir.” My actions slowed down, I was two fast circles away from cumming. Now that I’ve heard his punishment, I don’t want to test my luck.

“Bring yourself close to the edge, hold it, and push your cunt out.” 

“I’m on the edge, I’m on the edge.” I kept repeating like a mantra. It’s so fucking hard to be on the edge without making myself cum.

“Good, hold it in.” His hand wrapped around my neck for the first time today to intentionally choke me. That made me want to cum so bad. “Hold it in just a little longer for me.”

I did what he said.

“I can’t—”

“Push it out!” He choked me harder. “Push it out, push it out now. Give it to me.”

I cried out as a stream of clear liquid gushed out of my hole. I can feel it flutter around nothing, begging to be filled by anything.

My thong was now drenched with my squirt and it pooled where mine and Levi’s lower body was connected. 

I wanted to apologize for dirtying him, his uniform was soaked and his bed might also be. But he pulled me by the neck and kissed me hungrily, just as messy and sloppy like the first one we shared.

“You didn’t cum, right?”

I shook my head.
 
“Good, keep that pussy swollen.”

Chapter Text

“Wipe that frown off your face. Are you sulking because you didn’t get to cum?” 

After the situation we had, Levi handed me a fresh pair of uniform (which was his so it was a little loose on me), changed to a new pair himself, and changed the bed covers while I sat on the couch looking pathetic.

“No, sir.” I ducked my head so he wouldn’t see the red on my cheeks. He shouldn’t bring that out blatantly, anyone might hear.

“Then what are you sulking for?” He carelessly asked, looking busy as he walked across the room to get something.

“The interview with the farmer.”  I said cryptically. I didn’t want to tell him but it bothered me which means he should know about it.

“Why, did something happen?” He stopped mid-walk to turn and look at my direction. “Something I should know?”

I fidgeted my hands, “There was something off. He was hiding something, I can feel it.”

“And you didn’t tell me this while the president and the others were here?” Levi sighed, at least he doesn’t sound angry. “Tell me what happened. Everything . Don’t leave a single detail.” 

So I told him about my suspicions with Owen. I told him that the farmer was hospitable and kind but I have this sense that it’s all just a facade. His body language was odd and he acted like he was waiting for something. He kept leaving minor details out during the interview.

“And the bathroom. Something crashed inside but he was begging me not to enter, saying it was dirty and he didn't want me to see how dirty it was.” 

“What was on the other side of the door?” He asked, seemingly uninterested. 

“He said it was a stray cat. But it doesn’t sound right. It’s more than a dirty bathroom and a cat.” I shook my head, staring at Levi’s floor. 

I heard him sigh again before turning his back and walking to his mirror. In my peripheral vision, he was combing his hair to look presentable when he already is because Levi Ackerman can’t stand to have a piece of hair being out of place. He was more bothered about it than what I was telling him.

“That’s on you, you didn’t do your job properly. You decide what to do next.” He says nonchalantly.

“Excuse me?” I stood up from the couch, completely baffled that he was blaming me. “I thought you were on the verge of death. So forgive me if I ran back as fast as I could.”

“So what? If I was infected, what could you do to help me? You’re a soldier, act like one. Do what’s asked of you.” 

I stared at his reflection on the mirror, speechless.

“You can’t save everyone, (Y/N).” Levi added seriously. “When the time comes, you don’t look back. You were in the middle of something and you abandoned it for me. You forgot that I won’t do the same for you.”

I let that sink in. Sometimes, I tend to forget that I’m just a teeny tiny part of Levi’s world. I’m like the pile of dust collecting on top of his cabinet. Even though he’s the world to me. Always has been and always will be.

It’s okay, it’s fine if he doesn’t feel that way for me. There’s no force on this god forsaken planet that could make me hate him, not even a little bit, not even for a second.

“Was that all?” He asked. 

“Pfft.” I rolled my eyes, thankfully he did not see, and went to the door. It was my cue to leave. Maybe there was nothing to be worried about, if Levi wasn’t concerned then there’s nothing to be concerned about.

“His bitter ass tea was more of a problem. Didn’t know butterfly pea was that bitter.” I commented, opening the door, ready to leave.

“What?”

I didn’t hear Levi, I was already out in his office and he was still in front of the mirror. 

“Oi! What tea did you say?” He ran outside to catch me.

I stopped in my tracks and turned to him, I was already by the door and he was by the desk. Now I know that bitter tea concerns the commander more than anything could.

“I said his butterfly pea tea was bitter.” I repeated. 

I heard him curse under his breath. He beelined towards me. He grabbed me by my arm and dragged me out to the hallway.

I stumbled on my feet, trying to keep up with him but he was walking too fast. My arm was starting to hurt, my injured shoulder did not heal yet.

“What are you doing?” I asked but Levi ignored me. 

He kept walking and walking until we arrived at the end of the hallway, we went up two flights of stairs until we reached the fifth floor. The fifth floor is where the control room is and the rest of the floor is where the IC is located.

Levi only released me when we were outside the door of Hange’s office. At this point I don’t want to ask anymore. I followed him inside.

It was cold in Hange’s office. The air conditioner is on and I immediately feel chilly, regretting I didn’t have my jacket with me. There are air conditioners everywhere inside the building but they are always off except in the laboratories and Hange’s office (simply because she likes the cold). However, the doctor is nowhere to be seen. 

“They’re in the lab.” Levi went back out and I followed him. 

The laboratory is just across Hange’s office. Levi went inside again without a knock to announce his presence.

“Sir, what are we doing here?” 

There’s a table in the middle of the room where Hange was. They’re wearing a lab gown, a mask, and a glove. They were looking through a microscope, so focused that they didn’t hear us enter. 

There’s vials on the table, a notebook, Hange tucked their pen behind their ear. She noted something down and went back to look in the microscope. 

The two vials that had black, thick liquid inside, I recognize to be the sample we took from the barn; pig’s blood. They’re trying to find the cause why the pigs were ill and died.

The room was even colder than the office.

Levi cleared his throat, “Hange.” We would all still be here until new year’s eve if we don’t get the doctor’s attention. 

“Oh, you’re both here!” They greeted us with enthusiasm. 

A door opened and Moblit came into view. “What the hell! You can’t just enter here!” He screamed at us. Moblit was carrying a plastic box which he hastily placed on a counter to run up to us.

I stole a glance at Levi and he seemed offended. “I am the commander—”

“Then, with all due respect , get out.” 

“Fucking get your hands off— Hange! Tell him to get the fuck off me!” 

The assistant pushed us out. At first, Levi didn’t want to move but Moblit kept on pushing and pushing him until he walked out of the room in his own will.

“Sorry about that.” Hange chuckled when they came out of the room, their mask and glove now in the trash. “Moblit is really strict when it comes to protocols.”

“Really? Wasn’t obvious at all.” Levi sarcastically said. I was standing behind him. 

“So, what brings you here?” Hange smiled like the sunshine she is. “I can’t hang out with you, I have a ton of work waiting for me.”

“You think I’d go here to hang out with you?” Hange’s smile did not falter at Levi’s question. Levi pushed me between him and Hange. “I need you to run a complete test on her. Every test you can do.” 

My eyes widened in surprise. He’s overreacting because of a failed attempt at tea. “That won’t be needed, I feel fine.”

“I don’t understand.” Hange started. “She’s saying she feels fine. What are we supposed to look for?”

“That pathetic farmer gave her some tea, she said it was bitter.” 

“Sir, it’s just tea. I swear I don’t feel weird or anything.” I argued, he was doing too much.

“Bitter tea?” Hange mumbled under her breath. “Maybe he steeped it for too long so it became bitter. You can’t catch any disease or illness because of over-steeping tea.”

“The tea was butterfly pea.” Levi stated dryly, locking his eyes with his friend. I looked back and forth between them, silently, not knowing what he implied.

“Oh.” Was all the doctor said, their mouth forming an O shape as if they discovered something new, like they were having a breakthrough or something.

“Oh?” I copied Hange. “What does ‘Oh?’ mean?”

“Butterfly pea don’t go bitter.” He answered my question.

“I think what Levi means is that there’s something mixed in your drink because butterfly pea doesn’t go bitter naturally.” Hange explained slowly and it sinked in.

I took a sip of Owen’s tea. I didn’t like it. Oh shit, what if he had something to do with the pigs. What if he put the same thing in my drink which caused the pigs to die. I can’t die. I can’t die right now. Is this really how I die?

I was going to have a total meltdown. My chest tightened and It felt hard to breathe. My head was dizzy and I think I’m only a second away from fainting. I stood there unmoving and staring at the floor while all of these were happening inside me.

I felt a hand on the small of my back: Hange. “Don’t get ahead of yourself. We still need to test you. If there’s something wrong, then we have no choice but to trace everyone who had contact with you and quarantine them.”

I wanted to puke when I heard that there’s a possibility I would be quarantined. No, the quarantine rooms are their own version of hell. They need to shoot me in the foot before I go anywhere near there again.

“Are you finished examining the samples? We can compare her blood with the sample to see if there’s any similarities.” Levi suggested, he was back to his nonchalant self.

“Yeah, I’ll do that.” Hange opened the door and peaked their head inside. “Moblit, get some lab gowns and masks for the commander and the captain.”

Moblit came out with two of the things Hange had asked. Levi and I put them on and followed Hange back inside. I saw Moblit eye us if we put the protective clothings on properly.

“You forgot the last button.” He pointed at my gown. I stared down and did the last button as he asked.

Hange sat me down on a stool and I took one of my arm out of the sleeve of the lab gown, undoing the buttons again. I bunched the sleeve of my uniform up to expose my arm.

Moblit wrapped my arm with a tourniquet, a rubbery strap to create temporary pressure on the blood flow. When he was satisfied with the tightness, he cleaned the area on my arm with alcohol where Hange would extract blood.

It doesn’t make sense to me. I feel fine, I do feel tired but that has nothing to do with the tea. But that just solidifies my suspicions about Owen. I should do an investigation soon.

Hange came back with the empty injection. They tapped the vein with two fingers to enhance the venous palpation and positioned the needle directly on my vein. It didn’t hurt, it’s like being bitten by an ant.

“The color looks normal, healthy even.” Hange muttered to themself. 

I wanted to scoff. Healthy? I did not expect that when I’m one sleepless night away from dying. I look so pale to the point even my nails don’t have color when I press them.

My blood fills the syringe and when Hange decided it was enough, they pulled it out. Moblit took the tourniquet off and pressed a cotton down in my arm to stop the faint bleeding and brought a tape to keep it in place.

Levi was silent, watching us with a straight face. Tiredness is visible on his face through the dark bags under his eyes. Maybe Hange should test him too, I would say he has iron deficiency with the lack of sleep he’s getting.

“What now?” I asked. I want to leave, getting uncomfortable with the temperature here even when I’m already wearing a lab gown with long sleeves.

“Now, you wait here.” Hange transferred my blood from the syringe to a glass tube and labeled it with my name. “I need to check your blood first before I let you leave.”

They plopped a drop of blood on a clean glass slide and smeared it perfectly, getting it done on the first try. They placed it under another microphone, the one with the pig sample untouched, on pause until they get back to it later.

“Any luck with contacting colony 3?” Hange started a conversation as they work, looking through the eyepiece of the microscope.

I heard Levi take a sharp inhale behind me. “No. I told them to stop reaching out. If they want to be contacted, they’ll come to us themselves. Whatever, it’s not our problem anymore.”

“Hmmm.” Hange the knobs to zoom in and out of the specimen, adjusting the focus. “It’s curious. I could make a visit to check the conditions up there.”

“Like hell I’ll let you. I’m not sending anyone there when we don’t even know what’s happening.” 

I listened to their conversation, my hand supporting my face and elbow propped on the table.

“But I heard Erwin wanted to see for himself. He didn’t mention it to you? He must be really serious. He told me if there is still nothing until next week then he’ll go.” They explained while working.

“I’ll break his legs if I have to.” The commander threatened and Hange laughed at it. “I am serious. No one has my permission, not even the president.”

Well I’m surprised the president volunteered to go himself instead of sending someone else to a blind mission. That sounds more like him.

“Or I can go with him, make sure everything’s alright.” I suggested.

“Are you deaf or are you just stubborn?” Levi spat, getting annoyed. He can’t stop everyone who wants to go.

“But isn’t it my duty to see what—”

“Your duties only lie within the walls of this colony; anything beyond that is not your burden.” The commander straightly says. “Hurry up, four eyes. We don’t have all day.”

Hange was silent at first, all their attention was poured on the specimen before them. Hange raised their head and took the slide out before dropping it in the trash bin.

“Blood cells look healthy, there’s nothing wrong with her. Maybe a little bit anemic but nothing big to worry about.” They gave me a relieved smile.

“Nothing? Can’t you tell me what she took or what’s in the tea?” Levi sounds disappointed that I haven’t been poisoned, he sounds confused that the results came clean.

“Hmm… I have to check the tea—which is impossible —if that’s what you mean but I’ll run a few more tests on her blood sample to see if everything’s good. For now, you’re free to go. She’s not infected with anything.”

“I feel fine.” I told them again, proving my point before the testing.

“Well, thank whatever forces of the universe that you’re fine . I don’t need you putting all of us in quarantine.”

If I thought he was worried about me , I didn’t show it. Of course he was worried for everyone’s sake. It would’ve been nice though.

Levi and I left Hange’s laboratory, he went back to his office and I went to the training grounds—it’s an open space with the layout of the plaza but on the other side of section 2.

When I got there, everyone was paired up to practice their combat skills. Mike supervised them when I was gone. He saluted when he saw me as everyone did. I waved my hand to tell them to go back to what they were doing.

Mike sniffed me. “You came from the lab? You smell like the chemicals Hange smells like.” 

“Yes, which reminds me… I need you to go to the farm. The farmer there, his name is Owen Wagner, I need you to investigate him. Tail him, make sure you go unnoticed. Report to me if he does something that is of suspicion.” I told him in a hushed voice, making sure no one hears us.

If there’s anyone who I can trust and is great at investigating, it is a hundred percent Mike Zacharius.

“Would you like me to leave this instant?” He replied in the same loudness.

“Yes. You come back here around dinner and you go back there in the morning. I don’t want you staying overnight. Report back to me tomorrow evening.”

“Understood.” He saluted me before he left.

I’ll do everything in my power to know what that man is hiding. I made a mistake once and this time nothing is going to get in my way. I bet everything I have that there’s something going on with him.

“Hey, that was over the line!” I saw Eren push Jean to the ground. Everyone stopped to see what the commotion was all about.

Jean sprung to his feet and elbowed Eren right in the stomach. That caught the latter off guard and Jean tackled him to the ground.

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I took a deep breath. Can’t I have one second of peace without screaming my lungs out, fucking hell.

“You fucking pushed me first.” Jean managed to say while twisting Eren’s arm behind his back. Eren kicked him, his feet landing on Jean’s waist which sent him flying off of him.

Armin tried to pull Eren back and Marco was doing the same with Jean. None of them wanted to be stopped, wriggling out of their friends’ grasp. Within seconds, they were back on each other’s throats.

Mikasa stood there to watch the fight, probably tired of reprimanding Eren. Sasha and Connie did not help with their cheering, egging the two to keep fighting while cheering for Jean.

“Get him, Jean! Punch him in the face.” Connie yelled with his hands at the side of his mouth. 

“Eren, stop—stop it!” Armin was trying to pull Eren back by his uniform.

Eren punched Jean in the nose making Jean fall back, Marco caught him before his ass hit the ground. 

“Okay, cut it out! Playtime’s over!” I yelled on top of my lungs but it seems like no one heard me over the yelling of everyone. 

“Bitch, it’s on!” Jean screamed at Eren, cupped his nose to stop the blood flowing inside his mouth. He spat on the ground, spit mixed with the red blood.

A series of “ Ooooh ”s came from the crowd at Jean’s words.

“Nothing is on!” I yelled again, louder this time but they acted like I wasn’t here. Still, they’re busy crowding around the two, watching who will win.

Jean charged forward in Eren’s direction, bumping his body against the other. Eren came sliding backwards on the floor, groaning and gripping his shoulder which he badly landed on.

Mikasa pulled Armin back into the crowd and away from Eren and Jean. “Let them get it out of their system, I don’t want you to get in trouble.” Marco backed out too.

Jean had Eren pinned down on the ground by the neck, the other was squirming, trying to get back up but Jean’s body was blocking him.

He had his fist raised up, ready to strike Eren on the face. Mikasa looked like she was about to stop them herself while the others extended their necks, trying to see through the heads of the people in the front row blocking their view.

BANG

All heads turned as everyone fell silent. Jean and Eren were frozen in place with Jean’s fist inches away from his face. 

I had my gun pointed at them, a bullet hole on the floor lay beside Eren’s head. The crowd scattered, moving away from them. Jean and Eren sprung to their feet with their hands held up in an act of surrender, putting more distance between me and them.

I moved to them with the gun down to my side but still holding it. The accumulated whispering in the crowd grew louder. “Everyone, fuck off! Get out of here.” 

Without question, they all hurriedly left the training grounds until it was only us including Mikasa, Armin, Connie, Sasha, and Marco.

“You want me to drag you out myself?” I raised an eyebrow up, challenging them.

“We…We want to—”

“Get out of my sight, Braus. I don’t care about what you want.”

“Captain, if we could just—”

“You too, Arlert. I don’t need you here.”

Armin hesitated to leave, looking at Eren to see if he needed backup. His friend motioned for him to leave, and him along with the others left too.

“I don’t have any fucking clue what to do with you guys anymore.” I said out loud when it was just three left, my voice was dripping with disappointment.

“Well, he started it!” Eren pointed at Jean. “He punched me in the gut too hard. It felt personal.”

“Stop being a baby, Jaeger.” Jean spat back. “It was combat training, you are going to get hurt.”

“I’m not a fucking baby, why don’t you go back to you mother’s vagina and live back inside her womb. Such a shame she gave birth to a bitch.”

“Don’t you dare talk about my mother!”

“Don’t you have an ounce of respect left inside your body?!” My throat felt sore with all the screaming and yelling I did. “I get that you don’t have any respect for me, but at least be ashamed of yourselves! And you all call yourselves soldiers? Fucking pathetic.”

If I don’t scream to get their attention, they’d have a full blown fight in front of me again. I don’t know why Mike paired the two of them when everybody knew they’re trying to kill each other since training days.

“You could’ve killed one of us.” Jean quietly said, but I caught it.

“I never miss. You know me that well. If I wanted to kill you, I could’ve killed you both with one bullet if I wanted to.” I seethed.

“I didn’t—I was—” Jean stuttered. “Yes. Understood, captain.”

“I mean, I just punished you this morning.” I reminded them. “Jean, you already have additional two hours of training with Connie.” I held up two fingers at his face. “And you’re suspended. You’re not even supposed to be here.” I pointed at Eren.

“I needed the extra training.” Eren mumbled.

“I’m telling Zeke to come fetch your ass, have fun at Colony 2 for a week.” I told him. “Clean the fucking dorms, Kirstein. It better be squeaky clean when I come back.”

I walked out and left them, in hopes they don’t start fighting with each other once I’m gone. I feel like it’s my turn to have a migraine. I felt hot and sweaty. I came back to my room, wiping the sweat on my neck, getting ready to have a shower before dinner.

I went out of the shower with wet hair, a black long sleeve and loose white pants. I used a towel to dry my hair when Levi entered my mind.

He kissed me .

Levi Ackerman kissed me. For the first time. I subconsciously touched my lips, it tingled as I played the memory. I’ve never felt so happy in ages. My heart beated faster each time I see his face. 

I feel lightheaded when he’s around. 

I saw something blue in the corner of my eye. I turned around and saw my earpiece ringing. I wanted to curse, I’ve already had a long day. I don’t wanna hear anything that could be a problem.

“Hello, this is the captain speaking.” 

“Captain,” I recognize the voice to be Hitch’s, she sounded in distress. I can hear loud noises in the background, like someone was banging on something.

“Where are you?” I asked.

“I’m in the dungeons with Marlo. Please, you have to come see this. I want you to come take a look first before telling the commander and the president. IC would probably be involved too.”

“Copy, I’ll be there at 10.” I replied and ended the call. I took my jacket that was hanging behind my door before going outside my room, without forgetting my belt that has my gun and taser in it.

I dreaded arriving at the dungeons. I don’t know what’s waiting for me down there. Not telling the commander and the president is already questionable but why would they need the IC to be involved?

Has someone been infected this time? There had been a lot of false alarms for the past weeks so we wouldn’t know if this one is really a case for that.

No, Hitch didn’t say a code. And if there was one, the IC should be the first to be contacted, not me. One more thing, they’re in the dungeons. That’s not the place where we keep the infected. 

Problems on top of problems are just piling up, making my head hurt even more. 

I passed by Jean scrubbing in the hallway, a bucket of dirty water at his side and a sponge smaller than my hand. 

“I said clean the dorms, not the hallway! Your selective hearing needs to go.” I shot at him without pausing my walk. 

He looked surprised to see me, not expecting to run into me. He scrambled to his feet with a salute before taking himself and the bucket out.

The next thing I saw was Levi talking to a girl with red hair. That made me halt my steps. He didn’t seem to notice me and continued his conversation. They’re in the hallway talking until Levi pushed the door to his office open and they both went inside.

I sighed, I want to ask about that but I knew better than to meddle in his business. I kept walking again until I reached the plaza. There’s a door in the corner, a few yards away from section 2’s gate, which leads to a staircase going down.

It’s locked at all times. I swiped my key card and the handle clicked. When I was at the bottom of the stairs, there’s a hallway with doors on each side labeled with the names of the persons locked inside and their offenses. You’re not able to see inside the rooms, just a tiny slot to peer through.

“Captain!” Hitch waved her arms up to catch my attention. The lights were dim here due to the lack of funding.

I walked up to where she was. “Where’s Marlo?”

“He’s gaurding the door of the glass cell.”

A glass cell. That’s where we put criminals with more heinous crimes. It’s made out of glass so that anyone is able to see what the person inside is doing. A guard is stationed outside since the criminal is supervised 24/7.

What the actual fuck .

I walked in silence with Hitch until we saw Marlo. He looked terrified. This is the first time I’ve seen him look so scared out of his wits. 

He was sitting on a chair in front of the glass cell. He got his eyes glued at it, gripping his knees and visibly shaking. 

He knew me and Hitch are here, the sound of our footsteps echoed in the empty hall but for some reason he didn’t take his eyes away from the cell, as if he’d look one second away and all hell breaks loose.

“What is it, Hitch?” I asked the soldier beside me.

“I don’t know, captain. You have to see for yourself.” She quietly replied.

We stood beside Marlo who still didn’t greet us. I looked at what he’s looking at and my heart jumped to my throat. I felt like I was going to puke.

“What in the hell is going on?”

Chapter Text

A woman, not more than 40 years of age with brown hair that’s matted, looking like it hasn’t been brushed for months, is inside the glass cell. She’s wearing rags for clothes and on her skin was soot and something brownish red: dried blood— all over her body. It’s on her neck, her face, arms, and legs.

But her mouth, it’s the bloodiest part of her body. She was squatting on the floor like a wild animal staring back at us. Half of her eyes are hidden under the hair sprawled on her face. 

“Marlo, that’s not her blood, is it?” I asked in a slow pace, fully knowing the answer. My own eyes are glued to her now just like Marlo.

“No.” Marlo plainly replied, emotionless and without using honorifics. 

“Hitch, I need a report.” The three of us didn’t move a muscle, didn’t talk in a pitch more than a whisper, scared that if we talk too loud, the glass would break in front of us. All eyes are on the glass cell and the unknown woman.

“We were stationed in section 3 today. We were about to leave and head back to the military section before dinner but we heard screaming inside one of the rooms. It was back in a dark corner and no one heard it but us.” 

Hitch swallowed dryly before continuing. “The door was locked but there were crashing and screaming inside so Marlo kicked the door open. She was…” Hitched paused to try to remember the scene. “She was eating his thigh. And his eyes were scooped out. I can still hear his screaming until it died down.”

Hitch’s voice trembled as she recalled the events, her eyes getting watery, tears pooled inside them.

I didn’t need to ask what happened to the man. Marlo and Hitch, both of them look and sound so traumatized. I could only imagine what the state of the room had been, it must be covered in blood.

“We panicked and tased her. I tasered her again and again until she completely passed out. Marlo brought a sack and we put her inside so no one would notice. When she woke up, she’s already inside the glass cell.”

“There was so much blood.” Marlo spoke this time, I’m surprised that he still managed to speak despite looking like this. “The man is still there. We haven’t left since we got here.”

My head was throbbing. For a moment, I just want everything to pause. There’s still a lot of things I have to do and so many things unanswered yet. But no, all of these are dumped on us in a span of a week.

Colony 3’s silence is still a mystery and we’re having a debate if we should send someone in or not. Hange hasn’t finished inspecting the pig’s blood sample yet along with running tests on mine. I haven’t gotten a report back from Mike who I sent to investigate Owen Wagner. Not to mention, he made me drink something.

And now, this. A woman who murdered a man in the most gruesome way— eating him alive after she took his eyes out. It’s all too much to handle.

“Is she lucid? Can she talk or does she have any clue what she’s doing?” I asked.

“Yes. She can hear and see us. She said something to us.” Marlo replied.

“What did she say?”

“She said it’s inside her brain. I don’t know what she means.” Hitch replied this time.

“Okay, I think you’ve seen enough.” I broke eye contact with the woman for the first time. “Get back to your dorms and get cleaned up. Dinner is an hour away, make sure to eat.” 

But they didn’t move an inch as if they were. hypnotized by what they are seeing. “Marlo, Hitch, get up and get moving.” 

“I can’t.” Marlo’s voice cracked. “I need to stay here and keep guard. Or else we’ll all die.” 

My head's spinning, like I twirled around in my place for minutes. I tried to think hard about what am I supposed to do in a situation like this— a cannibal locked up and two traumatized soldiers.

I thought about who to send down here. Those idiots are not even done with their punishments, they can’t handle being down here. Mikasa would be fine here, she’s mentally strong but she’s too young for a job like this.

I can’t send Mike, he’s out fulfilling an order I issued. Finally, I remembered someone who’s perfect for the job.

I pressed my earpiece and called the office. It rang twice before someone picked it up. 

“Military office, Floch Forster speaking.”

I felt relieved when somebody answered. “This is the captain, I need you to connect me to Shadis. And make it quick.”

“Copy, ma’am.”

The line went silent. There’s static and I heard Shadis’ voice. “Hello?”

“Shadis, this is the captain. I need you to come down here in the dungeons, I have a task for you.” 

Shadis was the one who trained us before we were officially soldiers. When I got the position, it was weird to order him around and call him by his name. Thankfully, I got used to it now and he didn’t mind, fully understanding the hierarchy.

“Great, it’s gonna be dinner soon and I have to make a visit to the dungeons . I need to file my retirement letter to Levi soon.”

“Mhm, I’ll remind you about it. I need you to come here first.” I replied. I knew he was a sarcastic person.

“I’ll be there shortly.” And the line disconnected.

I looked back at Hitch and Marlo, they’re both still frozen in their places. I shifted my eyes on the cell. The woman was staring at me, listening to the call. 

I called the office again and Floch answered it again. “Floch, it’s still me. Connect me to officer Zacharias.”

“Understood, captain.”

It took longer for Mike to accept my call than Shadis but I waited, praying that he’ll pick up. He did, much to my relief, I have no time to waste.

“Mike, listen to me very carefully. I want you to—”

“I’m cleaning the place as we speak.” He abruptly said. I can hear him scrubbing and there’s water sloshing. “I could smell it. When I got here, it’s only the body left. I could smell soldiers were in here. I assumed they got him?”

“Her.” I corrected Mike. “Please make sure no one finds out. After your job there, head down to the dungeons. Shadis will be the one to do the explanation.”

“Okay.” He ended the line.

The woman smells horrendous like she hasn’t bathed for a year, her skin looks so dry and her fingernails have blood in them.

I checked on Marlo and Hitch again, they’re not blinking and if they did, it would be almost a minute till the next one. 

“Hey, snap out of it, you two. You need to leave now. Shadis is coming here and Mike will too. You can go up now and I’ll wait for them.”

Marlo shook his head with so much eagerness. “No, we can’t leave you here, you’ll die.” 

“No, it’s okay. I’m not going to die, no one is going to die.” He must still be in shock. I’m surprised they still managed to bring the woman here on their own.

“We’ll wait for Shadis then we’ll leave.” Hitch sounded like I can’t convince her otherwise so I agreed silently. 

The three of us stared at the woman. If she was lucid like what Marlo said, then I don’t know why she’s not begging to be released. 

We would hear occasional banging on the door from other prisoners wanting to be let out, others were screaming for anyone to help them in their misery, and some were praying again and again like a mantra.

The woman was backed up in a corner of the cell, hiding her face behind her knees and sometimes, she would take a peak at us. She wasn’t scared, not when that permanent smile was etched on her face. I can see her blood stained teeth.

We stayed like this, huddled together as we watched her. I can’t question her right now. I should but I can’t. I need to tell Levi first.

I heard footprints and I knew it was Shadis even before turning my head in their direction. 

“What’s that?” The older asked when he finally got a good view of our prisoner.

“Murdered someone by eating them.” I stated flatly.

“Good heavens. I now believe that I’ve seen it all.” Shadis was not that fazed. Not like Hitch and Marlo, I understand that they’re young but Shadis has a lot of experience even before all this shit went down. 

“Does anyone else know? The commander? The president? Shouldn’t this case be a topic of discussion concerning the death penalty?” Shadis asked a series of questions that I don’t want to answer but which I must.

“No, just Mike.” I sighed. 

If this case can be handled by just me and the others, then there’s no reason that this will be added to the list of things Levi and Erwin should focus on. That is what I believe in, but I still have to report.

“Marlo, Hitch, get out of here. And no, this is an order. Get out, shower, dinner. Go. Now.” I pulled Marlo up so he could stand, the only time he broke eye contact again from the cell.

“And don’t mention this to anyone yet please.” I added.

Him and Hitch look awful, they look so pale. They were both full of energy before this. They proceeded to walk away without a salute which I didn’t scold them for.

“Hitch!” I remembered something. 

Hitch looked back. “Yes, captain?”

“What did you mean when you said the IC might need to be involved?” I was confused. 

Looking at it, it’s simply a criminal case. This might be psychological but I doubt if anyone would approve for this woman’s therapy.

“Her neck.” That’s all she said before walking away again to catch up with Marlo.

My skin erupted in goosebumps, I felt a chill run down my spine. I turned to Shadis who stared back at me with wide eyes. 

Oh god, did I miss something? I placed my hand on the glass, she was still in the corner with her forehead on her knees, hugging her legs. I banged my fist on the glass to get her to look up so I could see her neck.

“(Y/N)!” Shadis warned but I ignored him. “Get away from the glass.”

My plan might’ve worked. The woman stood up and went closer to the glass that separates us, closer to me. I wasn’t worried that she might break it, the glass is two inches thick with only tiny holes forming in a circle to allow oxygen and communication to go through the other side.

“(Y/N), back away now!” Shadis tried again but I needed to see what’s on her neck. It’s covered by her hair and I’m not able to see it.

The woman tilted her head to the side, exactly knowing what I wanted to see. It’s as though she’s mocking me. She still has that smile that looks like it has been permanently carved on her face. From this angle I could see how dirty she was.

Then she pulled her hair back to one side. I could see it clearly now. Her veins are protruding, dark blue veins run from her neck to her temples. She proudly showed it to me like a trophy.

I have never seen a case like this before. The infected people from the virus we already know about didn't have protruding veins and no one went on a manic episode. They definitely were not eating human flesh. Could this be the effect of a new virus?

“You seem stressed, captain.”

Marlo was right, she can talk. She has been listening to everything we said. Her voice cracked when she spoke, it was raspy and dry and her tone was dark.

“Why did you do it? What’s on your neck?” Shadis asked the questions I couldn’t. Both of us were by the glass.

“It’s inside here.” She pointed at her head. “It’s inside my brain. I want you to crush my skull and see what’s inside. It would feel amazing.” She laughed darkly. “it’s inside your brain, captain. I’ll cut your head off and break it open.” She slid a dirty finger on the glass in front of my face.

My throat went dry at what she said even though I know her words don't make any sense nor does it hold any ounce of truth. This woman is deranged, she doesn’t even know what she’s saying.

“(Y/N), there’s no point in talking to her, she’s too far gone.” Shadis pulled me back, away from the cell and I let him.

“You’ll see.” The woman said before going back to her corner.

I heard footsteps echoing in the hallway, someone turned to where we were. Relief flooded inside me when I saw Mike. He didn’t look shaken by our prisoner, already having an idea about what to expect.

“The body?” I questioned.

“I took care of it, cleaned the place. Also did a bit of a background check, he had no family so no one will come looking for him.”

“Good, you stay here with Shadis to keep guard. I’ll get someone to bring down dinner for you both and then you can take shifts. You’ll get replaced tomorrow. You still have to do what I asked you.” I reminded him of his ongoing investigation without going into detail. Shadis doesn’t know and I don’t want the woman knowing either.

I rang the office for the third time tonight and thankfully Floch hasn’t left the office yet. He greeted me first, knowing that I called before I even spoke.

“Connect me with Dr. Zoe, please.” 

Shadis and Mike eyed the woman who, even though she looked like she fell asleep, we fully know she’s listening. Regardless if she’s sane or not, we can’t take chances.

“Okay, connecting you with Dr. Zoe.” 

I waited, it rang for a minute and the line connected back to Floch. “Sorry, Captain. Dr. Zoe seems busy right now.”

“It’s fine, thanks.”

Why is it always bad timing? I really need to talk to them. I said my goodbyes and left them both, making my way upstairs. My brain wants to shut down but I still have things to do.

I wanted to tell Hange first but when I got to the third floor, I stopped. Levi. I need to tell the commander first. There’s this feeling again in my chest, the feeling that you can feel bile in your throat and you know you’re going to puke. That’s what I feel right now.

My head is filled with questions while I make my way to the commander’s office. She’s infected, I don’t know with what but we need to know where she came from, who she is, we need to trace where she’s been. But by the time we find out, the chance of this place being a mass grave yard is high.

We still don’t know what kind of virus she has or if she’s infected at all. How can it be transmitted or if it can be passed to another person. I think I’m the one going crazy. 

I knocked at Levi’s door before coming in. “Commander, there’s something you need to—”

The girl with red hair was still there. She was standing beside Levi and it looked like they were in the middle of a conversation and stopped when I came in. She looked awkward but still threw a smile in my way.

This is Levi’s first time bringing a woman up in his office who’s not part of the military, so it would be an understatement for me to say that I didn’t expect this. Today is just so full of surprises.

The words died in my mouth and I almost forgot what I was here for. 

“What? Finish your sentence.” I didn’t know why, but Levi’s tone was sharper than normal.

“Dungeons. There’s something down there. Mike and Shadis are there.” I was grasping for words but I felt sick to my stomach to the point  I can’t give a full report to him right now. 

“Right now? I’m in the middle of something here.”

His desk was clean, he's not working on anything but he says he’s busy. “Yes, sir. I’m afraid it cannot wait. I need to talk to Dr. Zoe so I’ll leave it to you.” 

I bowed. I can’t help but steal another glance at her again. She looks pretty and kind— everything Levi would want in a girl.The glance didn’t last long, I don’t want to get caught gawking at them.

“Oh, and I need someone to bring Mike and Shadis some dinner so if you happen to run into someone—”

He raised his hand, signaling that I should stop talking. “I’ll let Petra do that.”

I haven’t heard that name before and I was confused who Petra was but the girl's smile grew bigger at the mention of her name.

I’m not sure why she’s here or what she is to Levi. The thought squeezed my heart. I was fighting not to frown but at the same time I can’t bring myself to look fine.

But he kissed me so why does it feel like he doesn’t want me here?

I gave a halfhearted salute which I doubt he even saw and made my way to the fifth floor. My legs were already tired when I reached the last floor. I was walking and running and getting dragged all day.

I beelined to Hange’s office, knocked twice and opened the door when they gave me permission to enter. The first thing I noticed was their hair, although tied up in a bun, was all over the place like they were running their hands all over it.

The lab coat they were wearing when I came for testing was evidently filthier now, various colors of stains smeared it and they didn’t look happy. This is not good and I almost feel guilty about the news I’m about to share.

“Forgive me for my bluntness, Dr. Zoe but you look awful.” I stated. They did look awful and the office looked awful. It’s obvious that they didn’t have any spare time to clean up.

They tried to give a chuckle but it was not the same hearty one they normally give. 

“I tried everything.” Hange was unfocused, they stared in the air while talking. “I tried every test, I tried every technique, I changed the equipments, I cleaned everything again, but no.”  They shook their head slowly.

“Doctor, what do you mean?” 

Just one, just one good news is all I asked. This week has been nothing but hell and it continues to prove so. I’m praying that we get to finish even just one case before getting dumped with a new one.

“It’s clean.” It’s a statement but Hange made it sound like a question.

“Dr. Zoe, I need you to be more specific because there’s something I need to tell you too.” I sat down on the chair.

Just as I sat down, Hange abruptly stood up, banging both of their fists on the desk. I jerked in my place, surprised by the harsh sound. 

“The pig’s blood sample is clean.” They laughed at me, tears threatening to fall from their waterline at how hard she laughed. “It’s like I took the samples from a perfectly healthy pig. You saw how dark the blood looked? But they still came back clean with no sign of diseases? How fucked up is that?”

“Even the one that’s already dead?” This couldn’t be possible, those were infected pigs. They infected each other. I could say that by just looking at them.

“Everything’s clean.” Hange mumbled but then their face slowly twisted in anger: Their eyebrows knitted together, nostrils flared up, and their teeth clenched.

They wiped everything off the desk in rage; screaming as the papers, pens, the little decors, all came flying to the left. Hange kicked the table forward, which I thankfully dodged, rising up from my chair before it hit me. They kicked their it and it fell sideways on the ground but the swivel chair was sturdy enough to endure it.

“Dr. Zoe.” I came up behind them, reaching for their shoulder. The doctor kept on kicking things, absolutely having a complete meltdown. Maybe that was their last straw.

“Dr. Zoe.” I repeated, but they’re still trapped in their fit of rage. 

“Hange!” I had enough, I can’t stand here and watch them tear this place down. “Hange, get a grip.”

They stopped, put their back against the wall and slid down until they’re sitting on the floor. I silently sat next to them, the office looked like it got ransacked. I can hear them breathing beside me, I waited until they had finally calmed down.

“This can’t be happening.” Hange said in a defeated tone once she was ready to talk.

I sighed. “I need you to explain the situation to me. I have no clue.” We didn't look at each other. I closed my eyes to rest them for a bit. I was hungry and tired.

“We know that there’s something wrong with the pigs, but there is no biological evidence. Those samples are clean.” They paused and extended their legs. “Yours were clean too and now that might not be a good thing anymore.”

My eyes shot open and I turned my head towards them. “Nah, fuck that shit. I feel fine . I refuse to die, you have to drag me to hell first.” 

We both chuckled at that. I silenced the part of my brain that was screaming at me, that part that knows when something is wrong. I refuse to be one of those people who died. I want to see how the world really ends.

“If you’re infected and it’s transmissible to another person by contact then we’re all infected by theory— everyone who came in contact with you.” Hange sounds like she lost all hope.

“In theory .” I quoted them. “There’s no sign or proof that I am indeed infected. Plus, we have more things to worry about.”

“Oh, I’m dying to hear about it.” Hange was sarcastic.

I gave them the full report saying their involvement is required. After seeing the woman’s neck, I don’t think she was crazy. It’s a lot more than that. Levi must’ve seen it already by now.

We were back to being silent after I finished telling them.

“Those poor kids. I can’t believe they did that all by themselves. They must’ve been so scared.” Hange felt more sad for Marlo and Hitch instead of telling me what they think about the real problem— that woman.

“They’ll bounce back from it. They chose to be soldiers.”

“(Y/N), they’re just kids. They didn’t choose this, they were forced to be a part of this.”

“Whatever, they need to learn. We can’t always be there.”

I meant what I said. We’ve all seen how cruel the world can be. There will be times that they need to face it alone.

Hange gave me a sad smile. “Sometimes you seem to forget that you’re also a kid yourself.”

I didn’t reply to that. There’s nothing more to say. 

The door swung open, we raised our heads up to see who it was.

“Hange! What is going on here?!” Moblit yelled. He was frozen at the doorway, scanning the messed up room until his eyes landed on me and the doctor on the floor. 

A part of me felt relieved that Moblit came in. The conversation was going to an unexpected turn, one which I did not feel comfortable with.

“Hey! Get away from her, we don’t know what she has!” Moblit came running to where we were and pulled Hange across the floor away from me.

Great, this is just what I needed; Everyone avoiding me like the plague.

“ If she has it, which mind you, we have no proof of, chances are we already have it too.” Hange raised her shoulders.

For a fraction of a second, Moblit’s left eye twitched, he grabbed his own neck and swallowed, imagining what Hange said.

“This is not… she should—No, no, no.” Moblit stuttered, it’s either he’s overacting or he’s in the middle of a crisis. “We should tell them. W-we should tell the president himself about her.”

“What? No. Moblit, there must be another way. I don’t want anyone to misunderstand the situation. I mean we are not even sure.” Hange rose to their feet to try to calm their assistant.

I stayed in place on the floor. What are they even going to do to me? What would Levi do? He’s a germophobe, the thought almost made me verbally laugh. He’s going to put a fifty feet distance between me and himself.

“Hange, if you’re not going to tell them, I will.” Moblit was persistent on his plan despite Hange trying to talk him out of it.

“What do you think they’ll do to her? This is not a black and white situation!”

I listened to them argue about me but it enters one ear and exits to the other. Even at times I should worry about myself, I was still thinking about work. My thoughts got filled with the outline of things I still need to do: 

Mike has to report back to me tomorrow evening, after that I might need him to bring Owen for questioning. I have to check in on that woman back in the glass cell and help on planning what our next move is. I have to check on Marlo and Hitch and make sure they haven’t killed themselves yet. I don’t think Erwin has planned what to say to colony 2 about the medical supplies they asked for. Still no reply or new updates about colony 3.

I have to tell Zeke to pick up Eren, that boy is not going to leave willingly. And fucking Jean. I have to check if he did clean the dorms as I ordered.

“That’s not a wise thing to say. God, what is wrong with you?”

“You are a doctor, that is how you should think about the situation— what would be the best for the majority.”

“Don’t tell me what to do—Wait. Yeah, It’s me Hange.”

Hange’s earpiece lighted blue.

“Yeah, I'm here with her.” They continued to talk. “Okay, we’ll be there.” 

“Who was that?” I got curious who called.

“Erwin. They’re at the dungeons, we need to go down.”

Levi must’ve alerted Erwin already and I would rather be anywhere else than down in the dungeons again.

“And Moblit, take care of my office.”

________________

When me and Hange got to the plaza, Erwin, Levi and Petra were already there. They insisted on having an emergency meeting at Erwin’s office. Shadis and Mike stayed in the dungeons to guard.

Petra waved at me shyly, must be because she saw me earlier, and I acknowledged it with a forced slight nod. Levi instructed her to wait for him in his office which made me bite my tongue.

So here we are at Erwin’s meeting table, the same one when Yelena and Zeke were here to make a deal.

“I haven’t seen her yet.” Hange announced. “So I don’t know what happened to her or why she… why she killed that man.”

“Let’s schedule a time tomorrow for Hange to take a look at Fay Jaeger.”

My head turned to Erwin at the head of the table. “Jaeger? Any connection to Eren Jaeger?”

“We haven’t checked yet. Zeke Jaeger should be informed too. Has Eren mentioned anything about any living relatives?”

“No. Only that his father, Grisha, was a doctor but he left when he was young. He did mention that his mother fell into depression and committed suicide after he left them. But no, never mentioned another relative except for Zeke.”

“I don’t know any Grisha Jaeger in any colony. There’s no chance he can survive the conditions outside the walls— He’s long dead.” Levi voiced out his thoughts.

I avoided eye contact with Levi. It’s either I look down at the table or to whoever is talking that’s not him. I was feeling horrible and most of all, confused. He fucking kissed me and now he’s acting like none of that happened.

“Levi, bring Eren tomorrow morning in for questioning. Ask him if he recognizes the name. Hange, get blood samples from Ms. Jaeger to check if she is infected with any virus. Compare that with the pigs, see if there’s a connection.” Erwin ordered.

“Pfft, if she doesn’t bite my ear off first.” Hange commented that earned a warning glare from the president.

“And please refrain from making any side comments in her presence, she might bite your ear off for real.” Erwin continues. “(Y/N), I’ll ask you to try establishing contact again with colony 3.”

“She’s not doing that. I’m putting a halt on trying to contact them.” Levi argued, he was serious when he said that to Hange back in the lab.

Erwin was not pleased about what he just heard from the commander of the military. “Why? Don’t you think it’s unnatural for them to act like they do now?”

“Please, spare me.” Levi rolled his eyes. “Your curiosity is something you should learn to hide. You're only doing this to scratch that itch. I’m not going to let you waste anyone’s time when we have more pressing matters we need to focus on.”

Levi Ackerman is the only person who can talk like this to the president’s face and I have yet to see the latter get mad at him. No matter the position, Erwin Smith treats Levi Ackerman more than a friend or a colleague—he treats him like an equal .

Erwin only reacts with an expirated sigh. “We’ll talk about this in private.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Erwin. I’m putting my foot down.” Levi continues to argue.

Erwin raised a hand up. “In private, Levi.” The commander slumped back in his chair, sighing in defeat. “Now, Hange, updates on the pig’s sample?”

Hange became uncomfortable at the mention of it. “Well…you know. I’m not really sure why…It just doesn’t make sense to me. It's weird…I might have to check—”

Erwin crossed his arms. “I need a proper report. Now.” His voice changed, he uses this tone when he’s becoming impatient and needs something to be done right away.

Hange straightened their back. “The specimen was clean. It showed no signs of infection or sickness. I triple checked and the results were still the same.”

“Great, now we have another dead end.” Levi clicked his tongue, clearly annoyed then his eyes fell on me. I couldn’t see him but I felt his gaze. Hange was shaking their head at him in my peripheral vision, urging Levi to not mention what he was thinking in front of the president.

Erwin noticed the exchange. “What?” Levi and Hange continued their staring contest. “Can somebody explain to me what is going on? I am so close to losing my temper. I am done playing games tonight.” 

My hands grew cold. I know what’s going to happen next. I can only stare down at my lap, I must look so suspicious but I can’t get myself to meet anyone in the eyes.

Hange squeaked beside me; Levi kicked them under the table to make them speak up.

“Uhm.” Hange trailed, their argument with Moblit showed that she doesn’t want to tell on me, it would be like throwing me under the bus. That bus is now running me over.

 “The farmer who’s in charge of the farm put something in her tea. I took her to Hange for testing and it also came back clean.”

It hurts. It hurts that Levi was the person to say that. I figured it wouldn’t hurt as much if it came from Hange. He said that without any hesitation. I picked on the skin of my fingers, a habit I developed lately when under stress.

I raised my head to look at Erwin, he got his face buried in the palm of his hands. “No one contacted that farmer?”

“I sent Mike to investigate him.” I replied quickly, I don’t want it to seem like I’m incompetent with my job. “But unfortunately the Faye Jaeger situation came up and I have to call him back. He’s going to resume tomorrow.”

“That won’t suffice. I’ll order him to bring that man in for questioning too. Probably detained for the time being until we get some answers.” 

That was the plan, I know he won’t talk when he knows he’s under investigation. I need to know what he does when he thinks no one is there to see what he’s doing. Erwin is ruining my plans and I can’t tell him that.

“(Y/N), I’m sorry to say this but I’m going to put you in quarantine.” 

Mine and Hange’s eyes almost bulged out at what Erwin said. Quarantine? I would rather him shoot me in the head than to be quarantined for a whole week. Can this actually get any more worse for me?

I looked at Levi for the first time, he looks unbothered and it broke my heart into tiny little pieces. I want to curl into a ball and sob.

“Erwin, don’t you think that’s too much? She’s completely fine.” Hange didn’t like their friend’s idea.

“As a doctor don’t you think it’s heavily required?” Erwin shot back. “I’m hoping, and it’s a shot in the dark, that she is not infectious. I’m not even entertaining the thought that I have to quarantine the entire section 2 if she is.”

“Erwin.” Hange shook their head, a plea to change his mind.

“A week of quarantine.” Erwin has already decided. “Monitor her for a week. Those 40 pigs died within a week, some just within days. If she’s still fine by the end, then she can get out. Let’s just hope we’re all still alive by the end of the week.”

Everyone was completely silent. I looked at Levi again to see that he was already looking at me. I can’t tell what’s going on inside his head, his face is bare of any emotion. 

He's like a book with empty pages and I’m waiting, staring at those pages in hopes that the words magically appear. But they didn’t and they won’t, even if I stare at them forever.

“Okay.” I answered.

Chapter Text

Hange escorted me to the Quarantine section, leaving Erwin and Levi to privately talk about the situation with colony 3. The quarantine section is beyond the training grounds, at the farthest end of the boundary of the building, in complete isolation from the rest of the population.

It’s been months since the last recorded person to be infected which means this section is completely empty except for me. 

They opened the door for me but I stopped, remembering something. “Wait, won’t everyone get suspicious if I’m gone for a week?”

Those rascals would eventually start asking everyone regarding my whereabouts. Everything is still confidential information, I know they’ll start doing their own research and they won’t stop until they get to the bottom of this.

“Don’t worry, I’ll tell them that Levi gave you an order and you will be out of commission for seven days. In the meantime, Hannes will take over training while you’re gone.” Hange offered a sad smile.

I gave them a nod before stepping inside the room. Hange was about to close the door when I stopped them again.

“Tell Mike to give me updates about Owen Wagner. Eren is also suspended for a week so inform Zeke to take him, he’s not complying with his penalties.” I thought hard if I missed something else.

“Hey, I got it.” I felt thankful that Hange was reassuring me. “Try not to think about work while you're here. Think of this as a week off and relax.”

“Geez, it’s like staying in a five-star hotel.” I tried to lighten up the mood, none of this feels relaxing. “But thank you, Dr. Zoe. Thank you for still standing up for me. I know it was hard considering it was up against the commander and the president.” My tone became serious.

“Stop with the honorifics. I already knew you since you were young, just call me Hange.” 

It was true, when I joined the colony, Hange was already here but we only got closer when I became captain.

Hange patted my head, a gesture of temporary goodbye. “I’ll see you soon, Hange.” I bid my farewell, they closed the door and left.

I sighed and made my way to the bed. The lights were broken so I have to settle with the lamp hanging on the wall. The room looks dusty, it shows that it was unoccupied for a long time or no one came here to clean it. 

The walls are painted white, resembling the hospitals I’ve been in when I was a child before the collapse of society. However, it was dirtied; it had writings and scribbles all over the wall. People who came here might’ve been bored with nothing else to occupy their minds.

I’m sure this was disinfected and sanitized after the last occupant. Maintenance is low when there’s not enough funding. The bed was sufficient for one person. I dusted off the sheets and the pillow before lying on my back.

I have to stay like this for a whole week, nothing to do and no one to talk to. I mentally thanked whoever built this building that they made sure every room has its own bathroom.

Shit, I really should’ve sneaked a book or two from Levi’s office with me. Erwin made me pack a bag with all my necessities along with some clothes I could change into. Thankfully, they didn’t confiscate my earpiece which was sitting on top of the bedside drawer beside a broken lamp. 

People can still contact me and I hope I get updates from Mike soon tomorrow.

My stomach rumbled and I forgot I didn’t have the chance to have some dinner. I just have to get through this tonight and wait for someone to bring me breakfast. 

I stared at the darkness on the ceiling, the lamp was too dim for it to fully illuminate the entire room. The blanket was too thin to protect me from the cold but I had no other choice. I shifted to my side, facing the ceiling and waited for sleep to consume me.

I was awoken by the loud banging on the door. I rushed to my feet to see who it was but before I could reach it, a metal tray of food was slid under and across the floor through a small flap below the door which reminds me of the ones dogs go through.

At the corner of the wall, there’s a small glass window with a small panel that has buttons. It’s a communication system installed with a tiny microphone so that visitors can communicate and see the patient.

The person who brought me breakfast was still there and I got a little excited to see who it was. But to my disappointment, it was just the keeper. He mouthed a ‘good morning’ and left. 

I came back to my bed with the tray in my hands. It was a decent meal but it tasted bland, the cook forgot to season the egg with salt and the bacon was dry and overcooked making it too hard to bite into.

But my stomach was glad to be filled with food after hours and after sleeping with an empty stomach so I couldn’t complain more. 

It felt weird eating in silence. I hated how the mess hall would always be so loud and full of people but I guess I’d take that than to eat with only white noise accompanying me.

After I had taken my fill, I slid the tray back out, knowing that the keeper will collect it. I spent a good hour in the shower, happy that for the first time in a long while, I was not rushing. I scrubbed and washed the sweat and dirt from my hair and my skin. The best part was that the water was warm, not hot but at least it wasn’t freezing cold.

When I got out of the bathroom, I was fully clothed and not in my uniform. I felt warm and comfy. I decided that this won’t be as bad as I expected this would be plus I won’t have to run and yell for a week.

It was worse than I expected.

 After lunch, I was already bored and almost running out of things to do. I already stared outside the cracks of the window but everything is also white just like the four corners of this room.

I’m slowly rotting in here, is this how I’m going to die? Alone, cold, and going insane? I’m barely surviving the first day, I still have six more days to go… that is if I’m not infected.

At eight in the evening, Hange visited me. I was taking a nap when the blast of the speaker woke me up. It wasn’t that loud, but when you get used to total silence, a hairpin drop would startle you.

“Rise and shine, sleepyhead!”

I rubbed my eyes and waited for it to adjust in the darkness. “Hange it’s late.” I grumbled.

“You haven’t even eaten dinner yet. Here, I brought it for you and I made a special request to the cook. This is a special menu.” Hange raised the food tray to the window so I could see and it looked colorful.

They slid it down the door flap which I gladly took. My mouth salivated at what I’m seeing; A seared duck with roasted potatoes and tomatoes. There’s also a dessert: a lemon pudding. 

Where the fuck did Hange get these?

“Hange, how did you get these?” I asked with a mouthful of the seared duck. “God this is amazing.”

“A little bribe won’t hurt.” They smirked. “Tasty right?”

~•~•~•~

“I need you to fire up something else.” Hange came to the kitchen uninvited, the cook looking appalled to see the doctor, and not to mention they shouldn’t be stepping foot in the kitchen.

“You’re not a cook, you shouldn’t be here. Get out!” The cook pointed the rolling pin he was holding at the door, urging Hange to leave his territory.

“Niccolo, it’s for the captain. You don’t want to give her some plain porridge, do you?” Hange pleaded.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t informed it’s her birthday.” Niccolo sarcastically said and walked away from them to go back to his station and continue cooking the porridge.

Hange followed him like a lost puppy. “Come on, I’m only asking you just this once. I know you can cook good food.”

“Not when we’re in the middle of an apocalypse. I am rationing the food, Dr. Zoe.” Niccolo shook his head in disagreement while stirring the pot. “Now please, leave me alone and get the hell out of my kitchen.”

“Do it or I’ll tell lies to officer Braus about you and drop your ass back to colony 2.”

~•~•~•~

“At this point I’ll take anything. Niccolo never season anything, it’s like eating raw paper. Anyways, I know you’re not here for chitchat.” I said.

I saw Hange’s smile falter on the other side of the window. “Oh you know, just checking in on you.”

My own smile dimmed too. I know what they meant. They’re checking if I’m dead . The food tasted sour at the thought but I kept eating, maybe this was going to be my last meal.

Hange made Niccolo cook this for me because they think I’m dying . It’s similar to how criminals on death row get to request whatever they want for their last meal.

“Thank you, Hange. For everything.”

People who died spontaneously— like a car crash or by a bomb, didn’t know they were going to die. No, they woke up thinking it was a normal day. People who died of terminal illness probably accepted it and had the chance to make the most out of life in the short time they had left.

But I’m just here, waiting for death without even knowing if it’s coming for me at all. No one knows if I’m infected but I feel like a test subject that failed and now everyone is preparing for the worst. Waiting for death is maddening.

I finished the last bite of pudding and thanked them again before I slid the tray back out, Hange picked it up and smiled again. 

“By the way, I should let you know that Owen Wagner is in our custody as we speak. Erwin decided it was best that it would be Me and Moblit the ones to bring him in. He thought that if a bunch of random soldiers would show up, it’ll scare him off and he would run away if he was indeed guilty.” 

“How did you convince him?” I asked, clearly interested in Hange’s story.

“I told him I had updates regarding what happened to the pigs and invited him to the lab, of course we didn’t go to the lab.”

“And? Did he say anything about the tea?” I was angry. He’s the reason why I’m stuck here. When I get out, I’ll knock his teeth out.

“He denied that he mixed something in it, saying he oversteeped it which he apologized for. But Levi being a tea genius knew you cannot make butterfly pea bitter on its own by just over steeping it. So now he’s in custody but not detained in the dungeons. He’s in section 2 and under surveillance.”

“I don’t believe him.”

“I nobody does. I found it weird that he kept asking for you on our way back.” Hange reassured me. “Relax, I shouldn’t even be telling you this. Don’t think of it too much and don’t get yourself stressed.”

“Fay Jaeger?” I remembered, I need to know everything that is going on outside. “Does Eren Jaeger know her?”

“You’re not allowed to know, you will once you get out. I only told you about Mr. Wagner because you are directly involved but that’s it.”

“No!” I can’t believe this, if being imprisoned here is not bad enough, they’re keeping information from me. “Hange, you have to tell me.”

“Let this be something to look forward to once you’re out. It’ll make you excited.” Hange was being stubborn. “I have to leave and you need to rest.”

“You can’t leave without telling me first.” I pleaded, this is absolute torture.

“I can, goodnight (Y/N). See you tomorrow and you better be alive.” Hange waved and pressed a button on the panel outside. The speaker and mic went off and all I could hear was the ringing of white noise.

I twisted and turned in bed, the hard mattress was uncomfortable and tonight was colder than the previous night. I feel shitty. The dust here would make me sick first.

The second day of quarantine went the same as the first. I ate breakfast which was kind of a let down after the meal Hange gave me.

The day was boring, I napped to make the time seem faster, I ate lunch, I napped again. All these naps and over sleeping makes me more tired.

By four in the afternoon I was bored and I needed answers— new updates, information, anything. I grabbed my earpiece and put it on to call the office.

“Military office, Hitch Dreyse speaking.”

Thank god it’s someone who has an idea of what’s going on. Although Hitch doesn’t know the real reason why I’m gone, she is not interested to find out.

“Good, you haven’t killed yourself. Connect me to officer Mike Zacharius.” I demanded. I know I sounded snappy but that’s what you’ll sound like if you’re locked in a room. 

“C-captain, is this you?” She sounded surprised.

“Do I sound like Marlo to you? What are you waiting for? Connect me to officer Zacharius.” I was getting impatient with this girl, I need answers now.

“I’m sorry but I was ordered not to connect you with anyone if you asked.” Her voice lacked confidence, she seemed scared of how I would react.

My nostrils flared up in anger. “Who the fuck ordered that and why? Officer Dreyse, did you forget that I am your captain?”

“Huh? N-no, ma’am. I’m sorry but the commander specifically told me not to follow your request. He told me to tell you that you should focus on…breathing? I’m not sure what he meant with the last part.”

I want to pull my hair and scream or break the window and jump. Levi is really pushing me to my breaking point. He knows me too well that he had seen this coming.

“Okay, okay, fine.” I raised my hands in defeat although no one was there to see. “Hitch, I’m asking you, person to person: I need you to connect me with Mike.”

“Ma’am, I’m really sorry—”

I ended the call, not wanting to hear any more bullshit.

“ Focus on breathing? ” I talked to myself, “Unbelievable. I’ll fucking hold my breath.”

I was so annoyed that I decided to take another nap which, to my dismay, only lasted an hour because of how uncomfortable this bed feels.

It was 5pm and I didn’t know what to do. In fact, I was so bored that I went to the bathroom, sat down on the floor, and counted all the tiny square tiles on one wall. That’s how messed up this is.

I lost count after 467 and I started again from the upper left corner. After 500 tiles, I decided to stop there, getting bored of this already. I’ll restart again later. I took my brush and brushed my hair a hundred times, counting every stroke.

Just like last night, Hange came to visit me and brought me dinner. 

“Fried chicken and a slice of apple pie for dessert.” They beamed as they showed it to me before sliding it down the door. 

“Seriously?” I asked sceptically. “Niccolo actually did this twice in a row? For free?”

“Sure did.”

“Did you really bribe him or was it a threat?” I took a bite of the chicken and gosh, it has been so long that I have forgotten what it tastes like— Niccolo’s true cooking.

“Whatever you want to call it.” They laughed a little.

I ate silently. I’m thankful for Hange’s presence and I also needed it but I can’t find the energy to talk while eating.

“How are you feeling?” Hange asked. I saw them checking me to see if I look different physically.

“Fine, if you’re asking about my health. The only problem is that I’m not exercising.”

“No sore throat, no muscle pain, no fever coming up? You don’t have random headaches?” 

I shook my head. “Nothing.”

“Stop eating and come here for a second.” Hange motioned for me to come to the window.

They took a flashlight out and pointed it at me. “I need you to do as I say. I Can’t come inside and give you a proper checkup so this will do.” Hange turned the flashlight on.

“Aargh.” I winced at the brightness of the light. The quarantine section is so dim that having a bright light directly on me hurts my eyes.

“Stay still, let me see under your eyes and look up.” It got worse when they shifted the light on my eyeballs.

I pulled down the skin under my eye with a finger, doing as I’m told. Hange made a confirmation sound which I’m not sure what it means.

“Now open your mouth and stick your tongue out.”

I gave them a look at the specific request.

“Don’t be stupid. I need to see the condition of your throat.” Hange returned the same look I gave them.

Again, I did what they said. Hange had to move closer to the glass and squint their eyes, the glass and darkness made it difficult for them to see clearly.

After minutes of looking like a dog, Hange told me she was done. “Are you sure you don’t have any rash? Making you strip while I check you with a flashlight is not happening so I need you to confirm.”

“No, there’s a mirror in the bathroom. I know I don’t have rashes.” 

“Good, I’ll see you tomorrow night.” Hange was about to turn the mic off when I stopped them.

“Wait!”

They looked back at me.

“Is the commander doing alright? I hope he’s sleeping well.” I lowered the tone of my voice and avoided eye contact with Hange. I didn’t want to sound desperate.

“Levi’s doing fine. I told his assistant to keep a close eye on him. He’s in good hands, (Y/N).” 

“Assistant?” I didn’t know he had already found one. I mean I knew he was going to but not this soon.

“Yeah, Petra Rall. You’ve met her, the girl with the short, red hair. She’s his assistant.”

Everytime I ask if things could get any worse, it does.

“Goodnight, (Y/N).”

I was left to my thoughts after Hange took their leave. So, that girl is his assistant. She looked kind, maybe she’ll serve Levi well. But there’s something in my chest that feels heavy. It’s so heavy it hurts.

Did…did Levi want me quarantined because of this?

The following morning was worse, time felt even slower than it already is. I pushed myself to take a bath, after that I tried my best to exercise. I don't want to be out of shape when I get back. Breakfast and lunch was alright and now I wanted to nap.

But I couldn’t. My thoughts keep violating me while I try to sleep. 

Hange visits me every night but that’s Hange. They’d do that for everyone, that is a fact that made me feel like I was not special. As the captain, I didn’t want anyone else to find out since Erwin doesn’t want to cause panic over something that is not yet confirmed.

But it would’ve been nice if I got a visit from Mikasa and the rest. It would’ve been nice if they sensed that something was wrong and took it to themselves to investigate until they found me, but that’s not going to happen.

If this happened to Eren— Mikasa and Armin would be turning every stone to find him. If this happened to Jean—Sasha, Connie, and Marco will break every rule just to see him. They’ll do everything no matter how much the military and Erwin cover it up with some excuse that they’re going on a mission.

No one would break the rules for me.

It sounds funny to say but I miss all of them. This is only my second day away but I prefer my throat to hurt because I yelled too much at Connie than to have unlimited naps alone.

I miss all of them but I’m sure they’re happy that I’m not there to micromanage every little thing they do.

I didn’t want it to be this way. I wanted to make friends and break the rules with them. I want to get yelled at for fighting with Sasha and Mikasa.

The realization settled in and my eyes watered, but the tears never fell. Everyone has someone, except me. Now that I have thought of it, they’d always group themselves like that even before I became the captain. I was always the odd one out. 

When I became the captain, I grew apart from them and now they see me as an authoritative figure more than a friend. It’s not their fault though, it’s mine.

I woke up early on the third day to call the office. I’m hoping that the soldiers rotated and it won’t be Hitch who’ll answer me. It’s only six in the morning and I’m sure that Levi hasn’t briefed that person yet.

“Military office, this is officer Hitch Dreyse.”

I ended the call. I won’t beg again.

Fucking hell! Levi must’ve put her there for the whole week too. It’s not fair, they’re closer to me than they are to him. Levi doesn’t even know everyone’s name. He called Flock ‘rat face’ for weeks.

I waited for breakfast and took a nap until noon where I ate my lunch. I'm surprised I still have the appetite to keep eating. 

The rest of the day went the same with the previous ones, so did day 4 and 5. Hange kept checking on me and they were relaxed that I still haven’t showed any sign of sickness.

By the sixth day I wanted to die… or at least be in a coma for two days and wake up when I can leave already. I spent half an hour peeking outside the window and the white canvas of snow was so torturous that it resembled those white isolation rooms in mental hospitals. 

I rummaged through my bag for my precious dagger and when I found it, I used it to scribble on a blank spot on the wall. At first I was mindlessly drawing circles, for the sake of doing something and I remembered that I hadn't taken a proper look at the vandals. 

There’s a doodle of what looks like a teddy bear that was poorly drawn with hearts and butterflies surrounding it. It didn’t need a genius to know that it was drawn by a kid.

Me being here was hard enough to handle— but to think a kid was in my place all alone in the dark, probably missing their mother? It’s devastating. Plus the fact that no one comes here and gets out alive. 

I’m not counted since I’m not confirmed that I’m carrying a virus. I might just be the first person to get out of that door alive.

Another one, this time a letter, and it reads “Luke, you better not replace me or I’ll haunt you.”

I laughed at that, but then it sinked in that whoever wrote this actually died. It’s tragic to love someone just for them to die. None of this is funny and I just felt worse. Everyday here is a worse version of yesterday.

I took my dagger again, wanting to carve something beside the teddy bear: A small drawing of a tulip. I gave it one leaf on each side of the stem and shaded the flower by lightly scratching lines in it.

When I was done, I gave a proud smile to myself, staring at my drawing. I was startled when my earpiece rang.

Holy shit holy shit holy shit. Someone is calling me. I pinched my arm first before answering it just to see if I went crazy and I’m just hallucinating.

“Hello?” 

“I see that you’re still alive, that’s good.”

“Commander?” I was convinced that I am hallucinating because there’s no way Levi would call me. 

“I persuaded Erwin to release you a day early. I’m busy and no one is going to do your job for you. With that being said, you’re free to leave tomorrow.” 

Levi didn’t sound happy for me, he sounded impatient. It’s as though me in quarantine, which he insisted, annoyed him that I wasn’t able to fulfil my tasks as a captain.

I was speechless, I didn’t know what I should say in this situation. Should I say ‘thank you, commander?’ No that sounds weird to hear, I sound like a child.

“Okay, commander. I’ll get back to training first thing in the morning.” 

Yeah, that sounded better.

“You don’t have to. Get back here in the morning, give yourself time to adjust back, then you can get back to work in the afternoon. Is that clear?”

“Yes, commander.”

“Goodnight.” 

Levi ended the call before I got the chance to tell him goodnight as well.

I wanted to punch myself in the face so I could pass out. I couldn’t sleep, I have never wanted to sleep more than I do right now. Sleep finally came after I tried seven positions, finding the most comfortable one.

I wasted no time after I woke up. I rushed to the bathroom to clean myself, packed my things back in my bag, I got the hell out of here. 

The keeper was confused as he took his keys and unlocked the door. He doesn’t know what’s going on nor the actual reason why I was here. In his mind, I was infected with the only virus he knows which made him wonder how I’m still alive. If he was hesitant to let me go, he didn’t voice it out. 

I reached the training grounds first. It’s nice to know that Hannes replaced me and took charge of training while I was gone. Right now, everyone struggles to do pushups under his supervision.

I ran up the stairs, excited to see my room. When I got inside, I dropped my bag and belly flopped on my bed. I have never felt this good to be back. 

Oh my god, I didn’t die. I survived the week and I didn’t die. I’m not infected.

It feels surreal to think I’m still alive after all that. Most of all, I’m excited to see Levi again. I didn’t wear my uniform since I’m still not on duty until afternoon. So I settled with a loose black shirt and tucked it in my pants.

As I made my way to the commander’s office, Hitch was walking in my direction. She paid no attention to her surroundings, too busy scanning the bunch of papers she was holding.

I faked a cough to catch her attention. She looked up from the papers and at first, it didn’t register to her who she was looking at. When it did, she gave a startled salute.

“C-Captain, good morning! It’s nice to see you back from your mission.”

“Good morning, I don’t want a repeat of what happened the last time I called you.” 

She stiffened, knowing what I meant and knowing how mad I was. “Forgive me captain, I was just following orders.” 

“I know.” 

Me and Hitch went separate ways after our exchange. I was headed to Levi’s office and she was stationed to guard the gate in section 1. 

I knocked on Levi’s door and entered after I heard him give his permission. The first person I saw when I stepped inside the room was Petra.

Of course, how could I forget her?

She gave me a cheerful good morning while making, what I assume to be, Levi’s morning tea. I didn’t return the enthusiasm, not in the mood to pretend I was happy to see her.

Levi, as usual, was on his desk reading documents. I remembered he was stressed about the funding for more military rations, I wonder if he talked to Erwin about it already.

“ Good, you’re here. Pack your supplies, we’re heading out tomorrow.” 

I furrowed my brows, not entirely sure what he meant by that.

“Why? Are we going somewhere tomorrow?” I asked. Petra placed the cup of tea on his right and went back to the couch, picking a book to read.

“We’re going to colony 3.” 

What the hell happened while I was gone?

Chapter Text

“I thought you were against contacting colony 3 because you said we shouldn’t worry about that. But now you want to check there in person?”

To be gone for six days means a lot of shit happened and I’m dying to find out.

“I still think that.” Levi pointed out. “However, Erwin is getting restless every single day. It’s like he knows something is wrong but refuses to say it out loud. Also, Yelena came to talk to him about their request. Colony 3 got mentioned in the conversation again. So we have no choice.”

If it was possible, Levi looked worse than I remembered. He looked thinner and I can’t imagine the stress he must be dealing with. But underneath all that, he still looks quite handsome.

“Two presidents are now pushing for us to make a visit and see what’s going on.” Levi added. “I fucking hope something is wrong because if I arrive there and everything is fine, I might just open fire.”

I gasped at what he said. “That’s not funny, sir.”

He raised his brows. “And you think getting everybody riled up because of their unnecessary silence is funny? I have a fucking shit ton to do but I have to go outside the colony and check on them?”

“What happened while I was gone?” I slightly bounced on my heels, nervous that I might hear something I won’t like.

At my question, Levi groaned. That was not a good sign. It means he’s irritated, which also means that bad news was about to be delivered in my way.

“A lot, so I’ll make the long story short. The Jaegers don’t recognize Fay Jaeger. She got tested by Hange and it came back clean too—she’s not infected. Owen Wagner denied all the allegations against him and we don’t have sufficient evidence, seeing you’re completely fine, we can’t keep him here.”

Levi talked fast and my ears and brain tried to keep up and register everything that he was saying. His report was short but I have so many questions with every sentence.

“Wait.” I said. “Petra, get me some water.”

Levi gave me an amused look at my request. Petra, being the sweet girl that she is, seemed happy to comply. She happily dropped her book to get my water.

I bit my lip, taking the time of waiting for my water and used it to think about what Levi told me. I sat there, biting my lip as I submerged myself deep in thoughts.

“Here you go, Captain.” Petra placed a glass of water beside me on the desk. “It’s cold and I squeezed a little lemon in it for you.” 

I took the water without a word, gripping the glass hard which made my knuckles turn white. I cannot think clearly when Petra insists on making her presence known. She really had to put lemon in water, god what a people pleaser.

She stood there, expecting me to make a comment but I motioned for her to leave with my hand. Her smile faltered a bit but at least she went back to her book on the couch.

If Levi noticed my disdain towards Petra, he didn’t make any comments about it. He more likely acted as if I didn’t disrespect his assistant.

“So, you let Owen Wagner go?” I clicked my tongue. I was not happy with this particular news. I suffered in isolation because of him and now he’s a free man.

“I’m not happy with it either but there’s nothing we can do.” Levi mirrored my frown. “And yes, Fay Jaeger is not infected with anything. She’s still locked in the glass cell while Erwin and the vice president are debating on what to do with her.”

“The vice president? Nile Dok?” I asked, I never liked the guy. “What are they debating on?”

“Death penalty.” Levi confirmed what I was thinking.

“There shouldn’t even be a debate in the first place. That woman cannibalized a man. A life for a life, there’s no point in sparing her, I can’t imagine society accepting her back.”

“You know how Erwin is.”

Goddamnit, Erwin. You and your misplaced principles. He has a problem with punishing criminals with the death sentence yet he’s the same person who put teenagers as front liners when there was an outbreak. Un-fucking-believable.

“Isn’t that a good thing that no one is infected?” I asked. 

This is good news, the only good news we have. If someone was infected, half of the colony’s population would be dead by now. So I don’t get why Levi isn’t jumping in joy.

“It is. Of course, it is.” He says while staring at the air, eyes unfocused. “But I can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong.” 

“There’s no reason why we should be worried, commander. There’s just creepy criminals and an outbreak of pig flu. Nothing more than that.”

I was being logical. Reading between the lines would only cause us to be restless. There’s no use of wasting precious time with something based on a hunch.sqco p osssjjh okh bl

“Okay.” Levi slowly nodded his head, not entirely convinced but didn’t argue.

“I’ll be going, commander.” It came out sounding more bitter than I intended. Because Petra was in the same room (even though she showed no interest in our conversation), I didn’t feel comfortable hanging out in Levi’s office if she’s there.

“(Y/N),” He called me.

“Sir?” I looked back at him, expecting he had more to say.

Levi seemed conflicted, like he was thinking hard to remember what he wanted to say. I waited for him to say it. He unconsciously bit his bottom lip before saying it.

“You’re—” He stopped, never getting the chance to finish his own sentence when his eyes widened, mouth agape, as if he saw a ghost.

“The bathroom.” He breathily said.

“Huh?” I don’t know what I expected to hear from him but it’s certainly not that.

“We forgot about the bathroom.” Levi clarified. “We didn’t ask him about it during the interview. Damn it! How the hell did I forget?” I winced when he slammed his fist on his desk, which also made Petra look at where the sound came from.

Then it registered to me what he was yapping about. Even I forgot. Owen’s reaction to me going inside that bathroom was too suspicious for us to just forget and let it go. 

“I’ll take Mike with me later, we’ll visit his place while he’s gone.” I told him, hopefully whatever it was, it’s still there or at least remnants of it.

Levi adjusted himself on his chair. “I’ll go with you, I’ll finish checking these first.” He picked up another document and scanned it with his eyes, obviously not reading meticulously.

“Okay, I’ll leave you to it.”

I spared Levi a last longing look with him being oblivious to it. Petra waved goodbye which I deliberately ignored.

I headed in the direction of the dorms. Soldiers with long ranks are provided a bed space in a dorm, a large room with bunk beds (men and women have separate dorms).

I purposely checked the men’s dorm to see if Jean fulfilled his punishment and cleaned it as I ordered. The dorm was clean, the floor looking a little dusty but I let it pass. No one was here and I closed back the door with a satisfied hum.

Across it is the women’s dorm, I fully expect that it is generally clean, hoping the girls can’t stand sleeping in a pigsty to which the boys thrive in.

I opened the door and instantly got hit with nostalgia. This is where I used to sleep for 2 years before getting promoted and having my own room. I went inside, smiling when I saw how tidy it was. The floor was obviously swept this morning.

“Captain?” I didn’t hear Mikasa enter. 

“Morning.” I greeted her. 

We used to share bunk beds together and she never moved in her sleep. There were times I got worried and thought that she was dead but the slow, steady breathing suggested otherwise. That brought back memories.

“You’re back sooner than I anticipated.” She eyed me up and down. Just like Levi, you’d never guess what she’s thinking just by looking at her face. 

Are all Ackermans like this?

“Erwin needed me back so I have to cut it short.” It wasn’t necessarily a lie, but I can’t tell her the whole truth.

Mikasa continued to look me straight in the eye and I’m never one to back down from a staring contest. 

“What was the mission?” She asked. “Did you visit colony 3?”

“No, but we are going there tomorrow, that’s what Erwin needed me for.”

There’s no point in lying about colony 3—visiting them is public information so I cleared the misinformation.

“So, where did you go?” Mikasa was not letting it go, she continued to push the subject. “For sure, you weren’t here in colony 1, because if you were, we would’ve seen you.”

“I can’t tell you, I’m doing an undercover—”

“Bullshit, (Y/N).”

“Excuse me?” I was taken aback by her choice of words. Mikasa never talked to me like that before, and she certainly never cursed at me.

“You spent less time in training us, you were gone for almost a week, the commander was losing his mind, Hitch won’t eat and won’t talk. What the fuck is going on because I’m losing my mind as well.” 

This must be the longest thing Mikasa had said in one go. She looks pissed and this fact, in itself, is rare so I can tell that it’s bothering her.

I let out a tired sigh. “Mikasa, I can’t tell you. But I’m going to tell you this because I trust you and in your capabilities— be alert . If you hear or see anything suspicious, report it to me or to the commander.”

She shakes her head, disappointed that she didn’t get the answer she wanted to hear. I placed a hand on her shoulder and left the dorm.

I pressed my earpiece.

“Military office, Officer Dreyse speaking.”

“It’s me, connect me to officer Zacharius.” I talked while making my way to my own room. “And connect me this time, Hitch.”

“Of course, Captain.”

Mike picked up after a few rings. “Mike Zacharius.”

“Where are you?” I asked.

“There was some dispute in section 1 that I needed to resolve.” I heard him sigh. “Someone’s cash got missing and they were blaming everyone around them.”

“You do that first. We’re going back to Wagner’s place. You haven’t checked inside, have you?”

“No, I followed him last time and he never went home. Then I smelled Fay Jaeger so I had to leave.” Mike explained. “ Hey! Get back inside, you’re not allowed to go yet. ” He yelled at someone. “Sorry (Y/N), I have to finish here.”

“Okay, the commander is going with us later. Free your schedule at noon.” That’s the last thing I said before ending the call. 

I got to my room to take a nap. Since I took naps all the time when I was quarantined, my body got used to it and now I’m sleepier all the time. I’ll take advantage of this free time for some nap.

Things got so busy that I haven’t talked to Levi about things, though I doubt that he would want that. There’s so much I want to tell him and I’m hesitating that it’s a good time to say it because of all the pressing matters we need to tend to.

I think I like him.

There’s loud banging on my door, ruining the daydream I was having. I forgot that there’s no such thing as peace here. 

I ignored the knocks, hoping the person outside thinks it’s either I’m sleeping or the room is vacant. But it won’t stop and only gets louder.

I stomped towards the door, seething that I couldn’t take a rest. I opened it wide and harshly.

“It’s either the colony is on fire or somebody better be fucking dying.” I spoke before I saw who it was.

“You’re back!” 

Before I could even take a look at the person, they flung themselves at me and engulfed me in a tight hug. At first I thought it was Hange until I smelt the cologne they’re wearing— powdery scent of vanilla.

“Jaeger, get the fuck off me!” I pulled his shirt back to get him off but he was taller and hugging me like a koala.

“Nooo.” He whined like a child. “I missed everyone, Zeke took me away.” He finally let go.

God, he is like a child. Out of all of them, Eren follows me around like a baby duckling. Sometimes, I want to lead him to a drain where he’ll fall.

“Good, then.” I adjusted my shirt, the hug made it all wrinkly.

“You look prettier today.” 

I deadpanned at him, knowing exactly what this means. “Stop buttering me up and tell me what you want, get straight to the point.”

The sweet, fake smile that he was wearing dropped, the childish grin took over. 

“Zeke told me that you’re going to section 3 and I want in.” He resembles a kid on Christmas, waiting for the clock to strike 12 so he can dive on a mountain of presents.

“Zeke is not going and neither are you.” 

Eren looked appalled.

“We will just check on them, make sure everything is fine. It’s obvious they don’t want anyone meddling with them anymore so coming there with a bunch of soldiers would not make a great statement.”

I get that Eren wants to be involved. Zeke Jaeger is the current commander of Colony 2 and I know he expects no less of his brother.

“I’ll take you with us next time.” I ruffled his hair playfully. “Don’t worry, you’re not missing out. It’s a boring site visit.”

He looks torn, I can see in his eyes how bad he wants to go. If it was up to me, I’d take him with us but Erwin was clear in his order: Levi, Mike, and me are the only ones to check.

I wondered why no one from Colony 2 is going, considering that they need this more than us but I didn’t mind that much. Again, not a good image for them.

“Okay.” Eren agreed, looking forward to the next mission he expects to be in. “Anyways, what’s going on with the commander and that Petra? Is he trying to replace you or something?” 

Eren loves riling me up. He’s smirking at me, knowing that his words lighted something within me. I know he has no idea about mine and Levi’s dynamic but he knows the part where I strive for any ounce of Levi’s validation. So to him, what he said was just a harmless joke.

His eyes widened when I pushed him out of the doorway, staggering backwards. I slammed the door shut with full force and left him outside the hallway confused while I beelined back to Levi’s office.

I felt hot, like I’m going to burst at any given second. I don’t like Petra and I know she’s just a newly hired assistant but when Eren worded it out like that, I feel like I could commit homicide and arson on the same day. 

Soldiers who passed by me refrained from greeting me, they could physically see the anger radiating from me at this point, a dark red aura.

I barged in Levi’s office, his door banging against the wall at how hard I opened it. Petra flinched in surprise at the sound, Levi’s eyes looked at what caused the abrupt noise. When he saw it was just me, he gave an annoyed look.

“You’re back too soon.” He says before tending back to his documents.

“Captain, would you like me to get you something?” Petra asks in her cheery voice that I knew deep down is fake, no one actually sounds like that 24/7.

I don’t know if she’s dumb or naive for her to not realize I am not in the mood for some lemonade.

“I need you to get out.” I snapped as I walked closer to them. 

Petra was taken aback at my request. “Sorry?” She asked, doubting if those words really left my mouth. 

“Oh, where are my manners?” I put on a fake smile. “May you please get out.”

She was left speechless, unsure of how to reply. She glanced at Levi, who glared at me but still gave Petra permission to leave the room.

When she closed the door on her way out, I stood closer to where Levi sat. He looked up at me and as always, I can’t tell what he’s thinking at the moment.

“Maybe if you try harder to hide your contempt for my assistant better, that would be nice.”

Of course he is aware.

“You shouldn’t have an assistant in the first place.” I huffed, not caring if I stepped over the line. I need to get this off my chest, I need him to know.

“Since when did you learn to talk to me like that?” He raised his eyebrows, playfully twirling the pen in his hand.

“Since you tried to replace me with that .” I pointed at the door, referring to Petra who just left. 

“Are you saying that I’m replacing you as captain with Petra?” 

Him acting like he doesn’t know what I mean is pushing me closer to my limit. I don't want to spell things out.

“You fucking know what I mean.” I was whining and probably about to have a tantrum. 

Levi reclined back to his chair and crossed his arms on his chest. I waited for him to reply but he paused, trying to assess the situation.

“No, I’m not replacing you with someone who has no military background. If I am, Arlert is a possible candidate, he reminds me of Erwin.” 

My eye almost twitched at the reply he gave me. With my mouth agape, I didn’t know if I’ll laugh or burst at his attempt at professionalism. Does he not really know or is he just beating around the bush?

“You can’t be serious, Levi.” 

“I am serious.” He did give me a serious look. 

And that was my last straw . I slammed both of my hands on his desk—which didn’t even make him blink— and everything that was once on his desk was now on the floor with a swipe of my arm. 

His precious tea and tea cup, which I know for a fact that Petra was the one to make, hit the was and broke into pieces making the tea splash everywhere.

“You know what I fucking mean, Levi!” 

I picked up a piece of paper on the ground, not reading the contents or what it’s for, and crumpled it before tearing it up. 

“That is quite enough.”

Levi stood up from his seat and took the mangled paper away from me harshly but I took another one and did the same thing to it. 

I was seething, I have no doubt that my face is red from all the pent up rage. 

Levi grabbed me by my shoulders, shaking me a few times to make me snap out of it. I looked him dead in the eye. I’m not sure why I was angry and who I’m angry at. 

“What the fuck had gotten into you?” He yelled. “Don’t tell me you’re going through a second puberty cause you’re acting like it.”

I tried to push him away but no matter how much I tried, he was solid as a rock. I could punch and he still won’t bat an eye.

“I like you!” There, I finally said it with my whole chest. “And I thought that you like me too.”

I knew I was going to regret this later but I can’t bite my tongue anymore. I can’t keep denying it to myself every single day.

Levi searched my face, he’s looking for a sign that says I’m lying. When it dawned on him that I was indeed serious, he let me go and took a small step backwards.

“What made you think I like you?”

I never learn. Every time he opens his mouth, all I can hear is my heart breaking more and more. And now, I can physically feel the pain of heartache.

“You kissed me.” My voice was quieter compared to earlier. 

“Things got heated up and I was not being rational, I wasn’t feeling well that time.”

How could he say that with a straight face?

“God, now it’s you who’s not thinking straight.” Levi added. “I’m old enough to be your uncle.”

“I don’t care. I want you. I like you.” 

Every ounce of dignity has officially left my body. The rational part of my brain was probably having an aneurysm over the fact that I, a captain, am having a tantrum in front of the commander, told him I have feelings for him, and now I’m borderline begging.

“You don’t mean that.” He says. 

I’ve had enough. I am so done with walking on eggshells around him. He can fire me for doing this but still, I couldn’t find a cell in my body that cares.

I took rushed steps towards him, denying him the chance to move away again. I smashed my lips against his. He didn’t kiss me back but he also didn’t pull away. And I took it as a signal to keep going.

I was the one to pull away for oxygen first. I studied his face, the thought of making him mad gave me the chills. No, I don’t want him to be mad. I hope he’s not.

The last thing I expected him to do was to grab my arm and drag me inside his private quarters. I swallowed in fear, I do not want to be punished but that’s what it looks like about to happen.

He threw me on his bed and my body recoiled at the impact against the fluffy mattress.

“Undress.”

I almost choked at what I heard. I didn’t move, unsure if I really heard correctly. Levi was already getting rid of his shirt as he stood in front of me.

“Don’t play dumb. This is your fault, you tried to test me. Now, undress .” He said the last word slowly, emphasizing it to make sure I understood. 

His shirt was now off and god, his abs were right in front of me. He held eye contact as he got rid of every piece of clothing he had on until he’s left wearing his boxers. 

For some reason, he looked pissed. Levi climbs on the bed and I subconsciously back away, shifting closer to the head board.

“You’re not running away from this.” His voice in a dark tone, so low he almost growls.

He grabbed me by the ankle and pulled my body closer to his until I was lying under him. He supported himself with his hands on either side of my head.

This is real, I can smell his skin and I love how clean he always smells. Underneath that, I can catch some hints of peppermint notes if I breathe him in deeper.

“I told you to undress, didn’t I?”

He expected an answer but I was frozen in place. There it is again, my brain forgetting to work whenever he’s this close. There I was, pathetically lying and shivering in anticipation. 

Slap!

It felt like my brain exploded inside my skull at the sheer force of him slapping my cheek. Levi didn’t stop there, grabbing my face and pinching my cheeks with one hand in the process.

“You really are pitiful, can’t even take off your clothes by yourself. You need me to do it for you?” Levi hooked his thumbs on the waistband of my pants before I can even respond.

I whimpered when his hands grazed the skin of my thighs. His touch was cold but I loved it. He slipped my pants off all the way and he wasted no time in buching my shirt up to expose my bra.

“Sir?” My hand went straight to his that was still buching my shirt. I felt conflicted, not knowing what exactly I want to happen.

“That’s not what you called me earlier.” Levi encouraged, rubbing my sides 

“Levi.” I said his name with too many underlying emotions.

“That’s right, listen to me. I’m going to fuck you right now. Tell me if you still want to continue and if you still want, there’s no backing out. What’s it going to be?” He pushed my chin upwards so he could see my face in his preferred angle.

I still didn’t move, I’m so unsure of what to do and how to react.

“Come on, I miss my doll.” He was so sweet and soft, caressing my cheek with a finger. “Let me take care of you, I’ll take very good care of you if you’d let me.”

Slowly but surely, I nodded my head. That was all it took for his eyes to darken and the soft caressing turned into harshly pulling my shirt over my head. I was left in my matching underwear under his gaze.

My hands tried to cover my chest in defense, I instantly felt shy when he checked me out, eyes undressing me. 

“Hands off and don’t make me tell you twice.” He slapped my hands and I immediately returned them to my stomach. 

He brought his face closer to my chest, kissing the exposed part of my boobs, his hips thrusted against mine and I could feel how big he is with only the fabric of his boxers separating our skin. 

“L-levi.” The simultaneous movements made me whimper. I had the urge to run my hand in his hair so I did.

Levi stopped and raised his head. “You still don’t have permission to touch me. Just be a good doll and take everything I give you.”

My hand jerked away at the harshness of his tone.

“Ahh!” Without warning, Levi pulled my bra down making my boobs spill out for his eyes to see. My nipples pebbled due to the temperature in the room.

The action surprised me and my body reacted by twisting to the side, my arm covering myself, attempting to hide from his hungry eyes. Levi huffed and yanked my arm so hard that my upper body raised up from the bed. 

“Don’t make me tie you up, you keep testing my patience.” 

“I’m sorry. I’ll behave, please don’t tie me up.” I pleaded, the thought of being immobilized while this man is free to do whatever he wants with me, sent a chill down my spine.

Levi didn’t talk back, he was too busy looking at the exposed part of my body. He smirked, moving back down on me again, sticking his tongue out. A high pitched moan escaped from my lips when his wet tongue made contact with the tip of my nipple.

The wet muscle swirled around me and it didn’t take long until it felt sensitive. Levi held me down to make me stop squirming away from his relentless attacks.

“You can’t get away from this.” 

Levi took my bra completely off along with my panties. I took a sharp breath when he pushed my thigh open. His fingers travelled from my stomach, leaving goosebumps in its wake, until it rested on the area above my clit but purposely touching it fully.

“Please.” I whined, bucking my hips against his hand to find any friction against where I needed it the most.

He continued to tease me, lightly running a finger on my inner thighs but never on my pussy.

“Levi, please. I need something.” I was close to actually sobbing. I was getting frustrated and I just needed him to do something, anything.

“As you wish.”

His finger directly touched my clit and I feel like I can scream in gratitude. It didn’t linger, it traced my slit and prodded at my entrance.

“Hmm, you seem wet enough. Must be because you’re a virgin.” He smirked, tapping at my entrance. “You think you can take one digit in there?”

“Yes please! I can take it.” I arched my back to show how desperate I was for his touch. “Be gentle please.”

“Gentle?” He questioned, as if he was offended at the request. “What makes you think I’ll be gentle?” At that, he pushed his middle finger in halfway. The stretch made me wince, completely new to the sensation. 

“No, don’t give me that pained look, you’re wet enough. Your pussy is always drooling, did you forget?” He pushed it all the way, my hole stretched to allow the intrusion.

“Hurts.” I complained. 

I have never put anything down in there and if it hurts just by Levi putting a finger in, I can’t imagine the pain his actual dick would bring. I wanted to back out, this feels uncomfortable and painful.

“Patience, doll.” Levi got his eyebrows knitted together in concentration, his finger wriggling around inside me and my body reacted by trying to escape from it.

I grabbed his wrist with one hand to make him stop. “Stop, it hurts. It’s making me—Nghh!!!” The hand that grabbed his wrist was now covering my mouth to stop myself from making any further noise. 

It felt like something snapped in me and it fucking felt good but the feeling disappeared as soon as it came.

“What’s wrong?” He faked sympathy, the sides of his mouth curled upwards. 

“Mmhh… Ahhh. Do it again.” I was full on grinding on his hand.

“What? But I thought you didn’t like it. We can stop now if you want.” 

I made the mistake of landing my eyes on his boxers and it looked like it was about to burst, the tip of his member threatening to come out of the waistband.

“Just please please please.” 

His fingers rubbed my walls for some more time and he adjusted the angle.

“Aahh! Thank you!” I closed my eyes in pleasure, finally giving in to my plea.

“Poor baby doll, I found your special spot?” Levi kept on abusing that certain spot and the only response he got out of me was my lower body twitching in delicious pleasure.

“Mmm, you look cock drunk and it’s just a finger. You know you’re going to get punished with that little tantrum you put on.” 

He pulls his finger fully out and slamming it right back in. The next time he did, two fingers went inside me. 

“Shit.” I cursed, my pussy clamped down on his digits, not expecting the additional stretch. Levi didn’t slow his pace, he kept pushing it in and out.

He took it completely out. Confused, I opened my eyes to complain, not wanting it to end yet. Levi got his fingers pressed on both sides of my pussy, making it open wide for him as he stared directly at my fluttering hole.

“Why did you stop?” I could cry. 

He didn’t answer but his lips were getting wetter and I could see saliva collect on it until a drop fell down on my hole. 

I moaned at the graphic scene. He smothered the wetness all over my cunt, my clit finally getting his attention. 

“Look at that.” He grabbed me by the neck to adjust my head until I could see how he molested my parts. “I’m rubbing your clit for you. I’m going to rub it until you’re on the edge.”

“L-levi, I f-feel sensitive.”

The scene, the feeling, plus how dirty his words were combined together made my head spin. My hips are uncontrollably bucking against his palm.

“Yeah? Sensitive but still not on the edge. I told you I want you on the fucking edge.” He snarled, gripping my neck harder, effectively choking me. 

“Ugh… ‘m on the edge, I’m on the edge.” My voice shaked. This part is where I’m familiar with. The coil in my stomach wanted to snap and I was chasing it, chasing my orgasm at last. 

Just a little bit more, just a few seconds away and I can have it.

“W-what? N-no, please!” I wailed.

Levi stopped, taking his hand away from me and now hot, pitiful tears fell on my red cheeks.

“Aww, you can’t, doll.” He gave my clit a nice slap directly on it.

“Why? I want to cum!” I complained.

Levi pinched a nipple, pulling it for that extra pain. I was stuck between a moan and a cry. 

“Remember, you can only cum around my cock. Not from anything else, not even from your fingers. Your clit can wait.” He delivered another smack. “Is that understood?”

“Yes!” I screamed. 

“That’s my good girl.” 

I felt the warmth of Levi’s body leave mine. He moved away to take off his boxers.

His dick was out, standing proudly, slightly reaching past his belly button. Describing it as big would be an understatement— he’s fucking huge. The tip was bright red, precum drooling out of it, some of it smeared on his skin. He’s ready to explode.

He got that sly smirk on his face again, knowing that his length is surely impressive. Levi grabbed me by both ankles this time, dragging me close to him. He pushed my legs to my chest and told me to wrap my arms around my thighs. 

I did what he wanted, his eyes hungrily savored the sight of my pussy. The position made it look like I was offering my holes to him.

“Cute.” He commented while softly caressing my flower. “Your lips here are even opening for me. You’re dripping enough to take me.”

I stayed silent, watching him give his cock a few jerks before positioning the tip directly at my hole. He feels so hard and my pussy involuntarily clenched on nothing.

“Wait, I need to see your face when you take dick for the first time.” He moved his face closer to mine until it was only inches apart, dark steel eyes drilled mine.

“Aah!” I screamed loudly when Levi pushed the tip in. It felt more painful than his fingers earlier. “B-big.” My hand snaked between us, attempting to push him away.

“Ssh, I’ll let you take it slow but you’re going to take everything.” He pushed more of his length in and the pain was increasing.

“L-levi, too b-big. Wait.” I was having a hard time saying each syllable. I felt so full of his dick that it was hard to breathe.

“No, no. Your cunt is swallowing my dick up so good. Holy shit.” Levi inhaled through his teeth, his own hips stuttering at the stimulation. “You’re so tight, doll. I need to loosen your pussy.”

“Leviii!” 

Halfway through, he pushed the entire length of his dick in one push, balls hitting my skin while his tip abused my g-spot.

“Good. Fucking. Doll.” Every word he said was highlighted with a heavy slap on my ass. “God, I like it when I make you cry.” He says while pinching a nipple.

“Still hurts, Levi.” I tried to plead with him but instead, he took it as a sign to ram his cock inside me. “No.”

“Look at me.” He commanded with a stern voice. 

I stifled my crying to give him full attention. His stops fucking me and forced my mouth open before spitting in it, the blob of spit pooling inside.

“Swallow it or regret.”

In fear of a greater punishment, I swallowed. I’ve noticed that this was a new thing Levi likes to do. 

He went back to fucking me like a wild animal in heat. It was starting to feel good, his cock hitting all the right spots. 

“I knew you’d be tight but fuck, this is better than what I’ve imagined.” His eyes rolled in the back of his head, closing his eyes to focus on the feeling of a wet heat engulfing his dick.

“I think I’m c-close, sir.” I whimpered, I was too out of it to realize what I called him.

“Yeah? Then fucking hold it!” He slapped tits and fondled it. My thighs are shaking, trying to hold the orgasm building up in me. 

“It’s been so long since I put my cock in something tight. Ugh… You’re a perfect cocksleeve.” The rhythm of Levi’s thrusts were faltering as he drew nearer to his own high.

“Can I touch my clit, sir? Please, I need to touch.” Before getting his permission, my hand moved down, excited to touch the bundle of nerves. But before I could, Levi was fast to yank it away.

“You cum on my dick alone, if you can’t cum then it’s not my problem. As long as I can use you for my pleasure, I don’t fucking care.” 

He was being so mean but I can’t find the will to get mad when he’s so hot like this. I love taking orders from him, I love it when he tells me what I can and cannot do.

“Mmm… ‘m close. Fuck, still so tight!” He gave my thigh a slap.

I was scared of Levi cumming before me and he’d deny my relief again so I focused on his cock the was still fucking my hole. I was getting sore but I didn’t let that stop me.

“Cumming! I’m gonna cum!” I warned, unable to hold it any longer.

“Fucking cum all over me.” His approval came while rushing to choke me.

That was my last straw, I screamed as a gush of clear liquid splashed between us. I was drooling at how good it felt. 

“Just a little bit more.” Levi grunted, sweat dripping from his temples. His hair was wet, sticking to his forehead and he couldn’t look hotter than this.

“No more.” I whimpered. He was still fucking me raw after my orgasm which made me sensitive. 

“Cumming.” He announced at last. He thrust twice more before pulling out, my pussy spasmed and clenched uncontrollably, missing him.

Levi jerked his dick and it only took three jerks for him to explode over my stomach. He scooped his seed and smothered it all over my abused cunt.

Still sensitive from my orgasm, I grabbed his wrist to stop him. He gave it one final smack and collapsed beside me.

I was too happy that I didn’t realize he never kissed me.

Chapter Text

Levi got out of bed to collect the discarded clothes on the floor. I shifted to a sitting position, pulling the covers up to my chest to shield my naked body although he has now seen every part of me.

My back and lower body was sore and my intimate parts hurt, making me grimace in pain. I'm not sure what to do next. Levi is now fully clothed and I'm hesitating. 

Do I stand and pick my clothes up or should I wait for him to leave the room first? I stared down on my lap, unable to look him in the eye after what we did. 

Suddenly, I felt the covers slowly getting pulled from me. Levi was standing at my side, my clothes in his arms.

"Wait— what are you...?" His actions confused me.

"I was the one who took your clothes off, I should be the one to put it back on." He said in a monotone.

My breath hitched and my heart clenched at what he said. No, my heart doesn't feel painful; it doesn't feel heavy like it usually does. It feels light and why does it make me want to smile?

I showed no hint of resistance while he worked. When Levi was done putting my clothes back on, his fingers threaded through my hair. It dawned on me that he's finger-combing me and there it is again... is this what they call butterflies in your stomach?

When he was satisfied with how my hair looked, he walked away from the bed. Immediately, I craved his presence back but said nothing.

"There's a change of plan."

My head turned to him, confused about what he said, before I could ask, he continued.

"Me and Mike can't go with you." Levi searched inside his drawer for something and pulled out a cigarette and his lighter. He put the stick in his mouth before lighting the butt.

"Okay." 

Although I wanted to ask why, I learned not to ever question the commander. But still, it made my mood sour. I've been looking forward to it the whole morning and now he has changed the plan.

Using my hands for support, I got down from the bed. When my feet hit the floor, I stayed there, unsure if I'm going to leave or if he still had something to say.

More likely I wanted him to say something.

Smoke filled the air around him as he let out a puff and placed the cig in his mouth again. With his back turned to me, he glanced back at me.

"Why are you still here?" His voice wasn't harsh but my heart thought otherwise. He strided the room until we were face to face, my breath caught up in my throat at the close proximity.

"Don't tell a single soul of what happened here, I don't need you ruining my reputation." A finger hooked under my chin to make me face him properly.

"I won't say anything to anyone." I promised, not that I would ever.

"Good, and I hope you know this already but for the sake of clarity... What happened didn't mean anything. It's just what it is." 

That statement made the butterflies die.

"Understood, sir." I gave a short bow and left his private quarters. 

There's a lot of questions running through my mind that I wanted to ask him but didn't. At the end of the day, I know the answers to those questions.

His office was empty, thankfully. The mess I made with my tantrum was still there but I made no effort to clean it up. If I spend another minute in here, I might for real set the place on fire.

I went out of his office, my whole body was sore and my chest hurt. It's almost lunchtime, my stomach growls, a reminder that I haven't eaten since morning.

"Captain!" 

I looked back to see Petra. I took a deep breath and calmed myself down because if I won't, I'm this close to decapitating her. I didn't notice I passed by her. I might as well walk into a walk-in oven. 

Petra jogged to where I was, I waited for her. 

"I'm really sorry if I did something to anger you, it's never my intention to do so." She refused to make eye contact while she talked.

By the looks of it, she waited outside in the hallway patiently and was oblivious to whatever happened inside. There's a part of me that was disappointed that she doesn't know, it would be such a good statement.

"Get back inside." I ordered, she gave a last apologetic bow before jogging to get back inside the office, her short, red hair bouncing on her shoulders.

I feel even worse. If Petra acted more like a bitch, my conscience would justify my actions towards her but no, she just has to be the goody-two-shoes that smiles and apologizes at everyone. And now, I feel like a monster.

I made my way to the mess hall, I already expect it to be filled with soldiers taking their fill. When I entered the hall, my eyes scanned the area in search for Hange. My shoulders slumped when I couldn't see them anywhere, Moblit was absent too.

I approached Eren and the other's table, my presence went unnoticed but beside Mikasa, there's an empty seat with a plate of untouched food. That made me internally smile although I didn't show it. 

Without a word, I sat down and started to eat. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I had the first bite of food. It wasn't as delicious as the one Hange brought me but my stomach couldn't care less.

"Sooo..." Jean trailed. "You're back from your little mission."

I cleared my throat. "Yeah, it got me really busy."

"Oohh, I heard it's a little secret. But can we get a tiny hint?" Sasha pinched the air with her thumb and pointer finger to show how tiny she meant.

"No." I said sternly, hoping they'll take the hint and change the subject.

"Pfft, you're no fun." 

I ignored Sasha's comment but I can see Mikasa eyeing me in my peripheral vision. I ignored them and continued to down the food I had on my plate.

"Geez, are they starving you out there?" Eren commented, he's eating his meal at a much slower pace than I was.

I let that pass too, stopping to take the tissue Mikasa handed me. It's been a while since I ate this much, thanks to the strenuous activity with Levi, I was starving.

"We also heard that you're going to colony 3." Connie entered the conversation with a pleased look. "Finally, we'll know what they're up to."

"Oh yea, can you bring back something when you get back?" Sasha looked excited as well. "I've never gone there, they're always trying to keep to themselves. The security would never let me pass unless I have specific orders from the president."

"Yeah, they're never involved with us unlike colony 2." Armin agreed. "But this just crossed the line, deliberately ignoring our calls even though they know we're demanding contact. It crosses the line."

Everyone was done with their food and I was down to one last bite. I finished my plate and the glass of water, highly satisfied with the meal I had, even though Niccolo could've added more salt, my hunger influenced my judgement.

"I still wanna gooo." Eren whined, reminding me of what we've discussed earlier. "It's unfair that you always get to go on cool missions and we're stuck here."

"What do you mean, it's cool that you guys help civilians." I tried to sell the idea to them but personally, I'd resign if I was stuck here playing referee between people.

"No." He plainly said. 

"Alright, I have to go and take Marco's shift." Jean stood from his seat. "Sasha, you're heading in the same direction?"

"Hmm?" She turned to Jean. "Oh yeah, I'm stationed at the plaza. Let's go there together." 

"Don't leave without me. I need to go to the bathroom first." Connie hurriedly stood up, cleaning his area of the table. 

Jean groaned. "Then fucking go already, we'll wait for you outside." 

"You better!" Connie called, his feet already dragging him to the direction of the restrooms. Jean and Sasha made their way out and it was just me, Mikasa, Eren, and Armin left at the table.

I flipped my wrist to look at my watch, I still have a few minutes before I need to leave then I remembered Mike and Levi are out of commission. I repressed myself from cursing out loud. 

"Something wrong, Captain?" It's always Armin that voices out his observations. 

"No, just a bit tired." I reasoned, if I hint that something was bothering me, he won't leave the subject until he extracts the truth from me.

"Okay, I'm just resting for five more minutes and then I'll leave too before the commander thinks I'm slacking."

Eren had his head down on the table as if he was sleeping. Mikasa didn't say anything but I know she knows something is up; she's like a hound dog hunting down lies.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" I reconsidered the situation. I saw Connie running across the hall and through the doors so I assume the group of three had left.

"Sure." Mikasa replied. 

I eyed the doors that led to the hallway to signal her that we should talk outside. I stood up before her and walked outside, Mikasa trailing behind me, leaving the boys behind.

"There's something I need you to do for me." I told her once we were out in the hallway, I kept my voice down so the soldiers passing by us wouldn't hear.

"(Y/N), I know there's something you're not telling us. Is this it?" She asked, her pitch matching mine.

"Well," I started. "It's one of the information we're holding but you have to promise me not to tell anyone regardless of what we find out." 

I'd be in so much trouble if Levi or Erwin found out I told someone about this but I have no choice. Levi and Mike bailed on me and there's no way I'm going back there without backup. The last time me and Owen Wagner were alone for his interview, it didn't end well for me.

Mikasa gave me a nod, agreeing to my terms. 

__________

Mikasa and I arrived at the plaza, heading to the direction of the gate that leads to section 3. The soldiers guarding it let us pass through without any questions. 

"So, you weren't really on a mission. You were in quarantine." Mikasa sounded like she couldn't believe the things I told her. 

I didn't have much choice but to tell her the truth of what happened. We're going back to section 3 because of the events that happened after that interview were suspicious and I had to be the one to suffer through it all.

Out of everyone I know, there's no one I trust more than Mikasa. She's good at keeping her mouth shut so that won't be a problem in the future. 

"Yes."

Although I told her about this, she's still oblivious to the rest of the problems we have. Even Eren doesn't know the real reason he was questioned about Fay Jaeger. 

No one knows there was a swine flu outbreak that killed every pig in the colony nor there's a woman held in the dungeons for cannibalizing a man.

"You could've died if you were infected, (Y/N). " Mikasa let out a sigh of disbelief. "They really wanted you to die alone without anyone knowing? Those bastards."

"I understand why they chose to do that. People would be scared, they'd steal resources and hurt others for it. Ultimately it would be chaotic." 

Mikasa didn't answer back and we continued to walk through the long hallway. Because she's a woman of few words, the silence between us wasn't out of the ordinary; it was comforting.

"But you were scared." She quietly says under her breath and I pretended that I didn't hear it. 

After all, I am a captain first before a friend. I am a captain first before I'm my person.

We reached the end of the hallway,  we turned right and the clearing in the middle of section 3 came into view. The agricultural area is where the barn is located and as I recall, Wagner's house is close by.

The huge barn came in to view, I stopped in my tracks as Mikasa copied me. 

"Let's make sure he's not home." I whispered, I eyed the people passing by to secure we do not look suspicious. 

We moved in a normal pace outside his door, careful not to make minimal sound as possible. Mikasa connected her ear on the surface of the door, listening for any sign of movement inside. 

After a few seconds of listening, she looked at me and shook her head to signal that the room is empty. I pointed at the barn, nonverbally saying that she'll check the barn next. 

Mikasa stealthily walked up to the barn, pausing for a moment if she senses that someone was there but no one came out of the rooms or walked up to her. She continues walking until I saw her enter the barn.

She was gone for more than a minute and U was getting more and more antsy by the second. I became worried for a while when she still hasn't come out but it vanished when I saw her rushing out. 

She crouched to the ground, back against the door. Mikasa brought a finger to her lips and then pointed inside to sign that Owen Wagner was inside. By the looks of it, he didn't see her.

That reminded me...he has a wife. What was her name? Dahlia? I've never seen her but he talked about her during the interview. A small detail I forgot to mention to Mikasa. I looked back at her, she's occasionally peeking inside to check on Wagner. 

I've decided that she'll be fine without knowing, There's no one in their house and if she's in the barn, Mikasa already saw her. If Dahlia Wagner is not there, then I'm she went somewhere.

I opened the door carefully but quickly, getting inside before somebody saw and closed the door behind me. It must be the adrenaline but it took a little while until the smell hit me. 

The smell made me crouch, holding my stomach with one hand and the other covering my mouth. Saliva started to pool in my mouth, indicating the need to vomit. The room smelled worse than the dead pigs back in the barn.

It smelled like something was rotting, I could smell rust, but underneath that, there's a slight smell of sweet and fruity undertone which made me gag.  Then that's when it all sinked in. That's the smell of death.

A rotting human body. 

Covering my mouth and nose, I paced to the direction of the bathroom, avoiding the disarray of objects in the way. The first time I was here , the place was immaculate, not a single thing in sight was out of place. But now, the place is in shambles. 

From outside of the bathroom, I could hear small noises inside, there's movement. My palms are sweating, the unknown is just behind the door. The smell of rust is overwhelming but I suppress the urge to vomit again, not wanting to leave my biological evidence at the scene.

Because one thing is for sure, someone has died, every evidence, the smell, the mess the room is in, and the fear in Owen Wagner's eyes when I wanted to check the bathroom, it all points to this. 

This is a crime scene.

Mikasa is still back outside the barn, zoning Wagner and I'm praying that he hasn't figured it out yet. My hand hovers over the gun strapped on my hip, on guard incase something happens. 

I placed one hand on the door's handle, with a sharp inhale, I swung the door wide open and pulled out my gun, pointing it forward. 

"Jesus, fuck."

My blood runs cold at the picture in front of me. I almost dropped my gun but luckily I clutched it tightly in my hand to the point my palms started to hurt. 

I turned around and hunched over, I pulled my hair to one side and vomited my lunch out on the floor outside the bathroom.

There lay before me, a woman on the tile of the bathroom floor, bloody. There's a chain around her neck that's connected on the wall. It doesn't make sense. I don't know why she's chained when all of her limbs were cut off.

The worse part is her missing jaw. Her tongue was cut off, and I could see her upper teeth. Just like Fay Jaeger, her hair is matted all over the place. The bathroom walls were decorated with smears of blood, showing signs that the victim was struggling and resisting.

Upon further observation, no, the worst part wasn't her jaw. The worst part is the slow rising of her chest, I wouldn't have noticed it if I didn't take a good look at her. 

With trembling hands, I pressed the back of my hand to my mouth to stop myself from vomiting again and pressed the button  on my earpiece.

"Military offi—"

"This is the captain, get me Dr. Zoe and the commander." I hastily spoke, my eyes darting to the front door. I have no idea what's going on outside with Mikasa and Wagner.

"Copy. What's your posi—"

"Just get them here, they'll know where to go." I cut off the person answering the call, having no clue who it was.

I ended the call and ran to the door. I need to warn Mikasa. Right now, Owen Wagner is a suspect for this crime—I don't know what to even call this, the woman is still alive and breathing. This is worse than murder.

When I got out of the room, Mikasa wasn't outside the barn when I left her. She's supposed to be the lookout. I tried to look for her in the area but I couldn't find her. That means she's inside the barn. 

I was sweating, the thought of Mikasa in the same room alone with a suspected murderer made me rush in the direction of the barn. Before I could reach the entrance...

Bang!

A series of three consecutive gunshots rang from the inside. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." I cursed out loud, people in the area turned to look at the source of the sound and a crows started to form a few yards away.

When I got inside, Mikasa was on top of him, pinning him down on the ground. She might seem small but she is definitely one of the most skilled soldiers out here. 

I felt frozen in place, unsure of what to do next and I wasn't feeling the best after what I have witnessed. Handcuffs. My brain screamed at me and the pulled me out of my trance.

Wagner was fighting back, not ready to accept defeat and Mikasa continued to struggle with grabbing his hands but the man avoided her attempts.  

I kept my eyes on them as I also struggled to take the handcuffs linked to my hip, it was inconveniently stuck. I was close to the pair when I saw Wagner's arm drop to his side, giving a chance for Mikasa to grab the other and pin it down. 

I saw his other arm moving, his legs folded, making it easier to reach his foot in a lying position. His hand slipped inside his boot...

"No." I muttered under my breath, knowing what was about to happen but Mikasa didn't hear me.

"Mikasa!" I screamed to warn her. "Watch out!" 

Wagner pulled out a small pocket knife which was hidden inside his boot. I ran as fast as I could, but it was too late. Mikasa turned her head to me when she heard me scream, letting her guard down for a second and Wagner took that window of opportunity.

I ran faster but it was no use, the man raised the knife and plunged it deep in Mikasa’s flesh, effectively stabbing her thigh. Wagner pulled it out as quickly as he stabbed it, making Mikasa groan in pain. 

She toppled sideways, landing on her side on a pile of hay. I reached him before he could he could try to and come for Mikasa. He was attempting to get back to his feet when I kicked the back of his knees, making him fall back down. 

I rushed to Mikasa on the ground, she was applying pressure to her injured thigh to stop the bleeding. I put myself between her and Wagner, shielding her as I pointed my gun at him. He didn’t try to close the gap between him and us when he saw I was armed.

“Stay back!” I warned.

I didn’t see it before but he was shaking and his face was red with tears stained on his cheeks. His lips were quivering as if he was trying to speak but fear got the best of him.

“You’ve got some explaining to do. The woman in the bathroom—”

“No.” He wails as though he was in pain. “I didn’t do it. I didn’t do it. They did it! And they made me do things. I didn’t want to do any of it.”

“You tortured a woman inside your bathroom.” I stated, my arms were still steadily pointing the gun at him. I would not hesitate to shoot this son of a bitch. 

“I didn’t do it! They did it!” He screamed, repeating the same words that doesn’t make sense. Mikasa doesn’t know what I saw inside the bastard’s home and this is the first time she’s hearing about this.

“Who is she?” I demanded an answer, wanting to at least know the identity of the poor woman.

“She’s my precious Dahlia.” He sobbed and that tore something inside me.

Dahlia is his wife, the same person he talked about with so much love and affection. No, this doesn’t feel right, something is wrong.

“Why did you do that to her?”

“I didn’t do that to her, I begged for them to keep her alive and they made me do things to the pigs, they made me put something in your tea.” His words were muffled by his cries but I managed to decipher them.

There it was again, the butterfly pea tea. He spiked it. He’s confirming that he spiked the drink he gave me. The anger inside me increased tenfold.

“Who told you and what did you put in my drink?” My voice was getting louder and the urge to pull the trigger was getting stronger.

“I don’t have names.” He quietly sobbed. “But I can remember faces. They’re right—”

Bang.

Both me and Mikasa tensed at the loud ringing sound of a gun. The animals in the barn reacted with a frightened sound of their own. Owen Wagner never got the chance to finish his sentence. A bullet hole was on his forehead, blood slowly oozing out from it.

What? I didn’t pull the trigger. It couldn’t be me. Did I pull the trigger without thinking? Did I pull it out of reflex involuntarily? No no no.

The man in front of us stayed still, his body in shock but I watched as the light left his eyes and his body fell forward and slump on the ground like a sack of bricks.

“Eren!” Mikasa yelled and Eren Jaeger was behind Wagner the entire time. His face was focused but in turned to relief when he saw me and Mikasa. It turned back to horror when he saw blood on her.

“Are you okay? Did he do this to you?” He sprinted to Mikasa’s side, hands immediately putting pressure to the wound.

“Eren.” I whispered. “What the fuck have you done?”

I almost had the answers coming from his mouth but no, he had to die right there and then. He was supposed to be further questioned and he was cracking, he was going to spill everything.

“It would’ve been you and Mikasa dead if I haven’t done that.” He justified his actions. 

He shot a man. A man that supposedly knew the answers why all of these was happening. That man is dead. Eren Jaeger killed a man under my nose.

“The three of you better talk.” Levi, along with Hange, was standing by the entrance of the barn while Mike and Moblit were walking behind them. Hange looked mortified but Levi looked like he had enough.

I stood up, leaving Mikasa with Eren and walked to where the commander and the others were. My legs felt like jelly but I kept moving. 

“Moblit, Mikasa was stabbed, go check her wounds. She needs first aid and definitely stitches when we get back to section 2.” I ordered him, not in the mood to get berated by Levi. 

Moblit adjusted his back on his shoulder where they kept the first aid kit and other supplies. I turned to Hange.

“Hange, there’s a woman—a corpse— I don’t know. It’s in his bathroom.” 

Hange’s eyes widened, stuttering to form a coherent sentence but in the end, they left in the direction I ordered. 

“Oi! There’s a dead man inside. What happened? I never ordered you to kill him.” Levi grabbed me by the shoulder to stop me from leaving. 

I almost forgot… SMACK

I punched Mike square on the nose. Mike stumbled backwards, not expecting my actions and the impact.

“Hey! What the hell, (Y/N)?” Levi tightened his hold on me. Mike couldn’t speak, blood seeped between his fingers as cupped his nose. 

“You should’ve smelled the corpse. You were here, Mike!” I yelled at him. “When I ordered you to tail on Wagner, you should’ve smelled rotting in his home.”

“I did!” Mike managed to shot back, his words still muffled and blood stained his teeth. “I did smell rotting but it was Fay Jaeger and her victim!”

That made sense. I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. 

“Seal the bridge.” I said.

Levi and Mike turned to each other and looked back at me at the same time, stunned at what I said. Even Moblit, Eren, and Mikasa stopped talking in the background, their focus was on me as well. 

“What are you saying?” Levi asked, his voice dropping to a more serious tone.

“I said seal the bridge.” I repeated.

“That’s not your call to make; it’s the president’s and we cannot do a rush decision like this.” Levi argued.

The bridge is what connects the building of Colony 1 to the building of Colony 2. Colony 2 has two bridges that connects Colony 1 and 3 to them, essentially making them the center.

“Seal the bridge or else everything will just get worse. Someone is playing with us.”

“Where are you getting these information from?” It was Mike’s turn to ask.

“That dead man lying on the floor.” I pointed at Wagner’s lifeless body.

“If we seal the gates,” Levi started. “How can we get into the other colonies? Have you ever thought of that before speaking?”

“Then people would go through the main doors.” I simply said.

Levi let out a sarcastic laugh, taking my words unseriously.

“The main entrance?”

“Yes, sir. The main entrance.”

Where we get out of the warm building and go through the eternal winter.

Chapter Text

We’re inside the interrogation room, the low light hanging from the ceiling swings above the table, above Eren’s head. I brought him in for questioning, I’m only waiting for Erwin and Levi to enter so we can start the interview. 

Eren laid his head on the table as he waited just like he usually does while I leaned against the wall by the door, arms crossed on my chest. 

We didn’t exchange any words with each other. He tried earlier but I stopped him. I want Erwin and Levi to be present for every word that leaves his mouth so that there would be no miscommunication.

The door opened and the president and commander walked inside, Levi closed the door behind him. He’s holding two cups of hot coffee. He handed me the other one and I said a simple thanks .

I didn’t think too much about it, I’ll have plenty of time thinking about this gesture later. Right now, I am focused on Eren.

Eren heard them enter and he immediately straightened his posture, adjusting himself in his seat.

“Let’s start.” Erwin brought a recorder with him and placed it on the table between him and Eren. He supervises every interview with his handy recorder to ensure nothing gets forgotten.

Although it is unnecessary for him to be present during military matters, old habits die hard. He trusts Levi but at the same time, he is still the former commander. Levi on the other hand fully knows what Erwin is like.

“(Y/N).” Erwin called my name and I sat on the chair between him and Eren while Levi sat perpendicular to me.

“Why don’t you tell me about the turn of events from your perspective.” 

“Alright.” I started. “Me, officer Zacharias, and the commander were the ones who were supposed to go investigate Owen Wagner’s home. Before lunchtime, the commander informed me that he and officer Zacharias couldn’t come with me.” 

“I didn’t know about this. I didn’t know that Wagner is still under investigation.” The president states. “Levi, I thought I was to know every plan that the military is having.”

“It was a rushed decision. We forgot to ask about a minor detail in the interview. We just remembered it this morning so we decided to check his place.” Levi answered, taking a sip of his tea after speaking which I mirrored.

“And you didn’t stop and think to give me a call? Not to mention you approved of trespassing and had the intention of taking part in it as well.” Erwin was bothered more than it seemed that he was not informed regarding this.

I have now just realized how involved he still is in the military if this kind of thing bothers him this much.

“I got it covered. I’m doing my job.” The military commander was slightly getting irritated and it shows in his tone. “I give you finished reports but you cannot get upset when you are not included in some minor scheme.”

“ Doing your job, minor scheme .” Erwin repeated Levi’s words, the sides of his mouth curling in disbelief. “A man is dead, shot by one of your soldiers— publicly , might I add, with tens of civilian witnesses.”

“Do not berate me as if I’m beneath you, Erwin.” 

I cleared my throat, attempting to bring them back to reality and the goal here. I pointed at the recorder with an open palm, reminding them that it’s recording everything . Eren was good at keeping his mouth shut right now and I’m not letting this opportunity pass now that his smart mouth is absent.

“My apologies, Captain (L/N). You may continue where you left off. “

“As I was saying. The commander and officer Zacharias weren’t going with me anymore and at first I was fine with it but I became reluctant. I know that this is confidential information to everyone including low ranking soldiers but I didn’t want to go alone.”

“Are you hesitating to do your job?” 

I did not appreciate Erwin’s tone, he’s implying that I’m incompetent and unfit to be a soldier if I was scared of going alone.

“Sorry, you think my captain is incapable?” Levi was fuming as he stood up from his chair, challenging the other man to repeat himself.

“Sit back down, Levi.” Erwin ordered. “You’re lucky I’m being lenient as much as I can.” 

The commander huffed but did what the president said. He sat back down, shaking his head in disagreement.

“Um… should I leave?”

“Shut up, Jaeger.” 

Eren closed his mouth after internally debating what to say next. After Levi scolded him, he reclined back to his seat like an impatient child.

“Mr. President.” I called Erwin while Levi blatantly rolled his eyes at the formality of my choice of words. “I assure you that I can do my job well but I don’t want a repeat of last time. I brought Mikasa with me because I trust that she won’t tell anyone.”

“You brought Mikasa Ackerman with you.” Erwin repeats words to ponder them. “Then why was Jaeger there?”

“That I do not know, he should be the one to answer that.” 

All eyes shifted to Eren Jaeger, expecting him to answer but before he could, the door opened which cut him off.

“Great.” Levi sarcastically said, not hiding his distaste for the person who entered the room.

“Oh, did I interrupt something? Don’t mind me, I’ll just be listening.” 

Nile Dok, the vice president of Colony 1, came in. This is surely a surprise considering he’s never present during times like this, he hides inside his room among other so called “politicians”. The only reason why he became the vice president is because the people voted for him— which I personally think was rigged.

“I didn’t expect to see you here, Nile.” Erwin greeted his colleague. 

“This is the first time I’ve heard of someone getting shot in the colony.” Nile laughed as if the situation amused him more than it alarmed him.

Erwin looked sour because of his statement but quickly turned it back to his neutral expression. “You can get yourself a chair and listen in.” 

“Sure will.”

“Jaeger, please enlighten us about what happened from your point of view. Captain (L/N) never mentioned that she told you but why were you there?”

“I overheard her and Mikasa talking in the hallway. It sounded serious so I followed them without their knowledge. It was never my intention to kill him.”

I rolled my eyes. “I was handling it well. He was about to tell us something but you just had to shoot him, didn’t you. Because of you, that man is dead along with the information he was keeping. Here we are, back to square one.”

“Mikasa got stabbed because of you!” He shot back at me.

“ Jesus , she was stabbed in the fucking thigh, Jaeger. She’s not going to die.”

“Enough.” Levi raised his hand to stop us before it turned into bickering. “You didn’t have to shoot his brains. What in the world urged you to do that? You don’t know who that man was. He was under investigation.”

“He was about to tell us something important.” I still can’t believe what happened, Wagner was giving up at that time. If only he had ten seconds more. “Why did you shoot him?” 

I’ve never wanted to punch the daylights out of Eren this much until now. 

“He was holding a knife behind him!” He was getting mad but I didn’t care, he still killed that man. “I didn’t want to risk it so I shot him. You both would’ve been dead if I didn’t do it!”

I slumped back to my chair. Still, even if that man had a knife and was intending to stab one of us again, I can take care of it. No matter how much we argue, we can’t turn back time. Owen Wagner is already dead.

“Any last words from him before his brains were spilled on the floor?” Nile asked but when I glanced at him, he wasn’t even taking this seriously. He was examining his nails and picking the grime inside.

“He said they made him do it.” I quietly answered, unsure myself of what that meant. 

“Who made him do what exactly?” Erwin was on the edge of his seat, Levi looked more focused as well as Eren. Nile looked bored.

“They made him do it to the pigs, they made him put something in my drink which he claimed he doesn’t know what.”

“And the woman in his bathroom? They made him do that to him too?” Erwin raised a brow.

“That was his wife.” I answered meekly. “He said they did that to her but still left her alive.” I forgot about her. “Is she…?”

“Dead?” Levi finished for me. “Unfortunately, no. Hange brought her to the lab but we already expect that she’ll die at any moment. She hasn’t succumbed to her wounds which we all can’t understand how.”

“Oh! I’ve heard about what happened to her.” Nile exclaimed like he’s a kid in a candy store or as if he was about to share his favorite story. “Somebody needs to put that woman out of her misery, I’m just saying.”

“Or you can try to be more sensitive when you’re referring to her, sir .” I spat with no intention of masking my expression to show that I wasn’t pleased with him. I hope he’s not that dense to not get it.

“Don’t paint me like I’m the bad guy here.” Nile raised both his hands in the air as a defense. “Dr. Zoe literally took her and made her into an experiment.”

“Such a shame cause we would be experimenting on you if you don’t stop yapping, Dok. Cut open your skull to see if the rumors are true that your brain is significantly smaller.”

“Levi.” Erwin sighed.

“Excuse me? Do you want to explain what you meant by that?”

“I could. Do you want it directly or in baby words?” Levi sneered and I held back my smile. He never liked Nile and made no effort to hide it. 

“Enough!” Erwin’s voice boomed inside the room which made Eren twitch in surprise. “We are dragging time and I’m sure you all have respective duties to get back to after this. So can you all stop arguing like children and focus on our main agenda right now.”

“That’s our killer?” Nile tilted his head at Eren’s direction with a low whistle. 

“I acted in defense of the captain and Officer Ackerman.” 

“Are you sure that you saw him holding the dagger behind his back?” Erwin questioned. 

“Positive.”

“(Y/N), did Wagner have his hands behind his back?” 

I thought of it hard. “I can’t remember. I was focusing on how to get him to admit and tell me everything he knows.”

I tried to remember again but at that time my mind was scrambled, the adrenaline and panic got the best of me. If I think about his position, it’s all blurry. Still, Eren has no reason to lie and certainly no reason to kill someone unless that was the last resort.

“So is he cleared, is he going to jail, or is he getting fired?” Nile asked but whatever the answer may be is irrelevant to him.

“He’s staying, his actions are justified.” 

“Levi, I expected you to show some accountability over your subordinates. Officer Jaeger committed murder, there must be consequences or the people will question your credibility.” Erwin showed his disapproval.

“I’m going to second the commander’s decision, sir.” I stated, it made Levi glance at me hard but I did not return the eye contact, my eyes shifting between Eren and Erwin.

Eren didn’t look scared which I found weird, he usually fears punishment but right now he looks completely calm and relaxed. 

“Captain (L/N), there should be punishments.” Erwin shook his head, clearly he wasn’t in his best mood since this meeting had started.

“I get your point, sir—”

“Come on, it’s clear that the girl is siding with Levi and not because she truly believes that kid is innocent.” Nile opened his mouth before I could finish what I was saying.

I knew he was trying to rile me up, get a reaction from me. That’s Nile’s thing, he loves it when he gets a rise out of people. I’m not going to give what he wants, I ignored him and Levi only gave a scoff.

“I don’t think it’s fair to put me in the dungeons. I made a decision and it prevented the supposed danger my fellow soldiers would be in.” Eren continued to defend himself in the presence of his superiors.

“The law is not in your hands, boy.” Nile clicked his tongue. 

“And the law states that it is a justified circumstance if the person acted in the defense of others if the fear of injury is greater than that done to prevent it.” I didn’t back down, not even when Erwin was staring at me coldly. “Eren Jaeger will be absolved from any consequences.”

There’s complete silence for a few seconds. Eren said nothing. Levi said nothing. Erwin and Nila said nothing,  although I know Erwin did not agree.

Erwin turned the recorder off. “This discussion is not yet over but since we cannot come to a consensus, we’ll resume this for later.”

I felt temporary relief. At least they’re not locking Eren up today. I knew what he did was wrong but I’ll be damned if I let them take him when he just wanted to save me and Mikasa. Although he didn’t have to do that, his intentions were good.

Erwin stood up with a sigh while Nile copied him. “Walk with me.” He gestured for Eren to follow him outside. “(L/N), You mentioned there’s something you want to talk about with me?”

“Yes.”

Levi already knew what I want to tell Erwin, he made no comments. I noticed that he was ultimately quiet regarding the decision of Eren’s fate, he voiced out his decision and that was it.

“My, my, captain. I didn’t know you were well versed in the law.” Nile smirked. The president and Eren were already out the door, leaving this oily jerk behind. 

“Learned those things on my own in training. Never know when that information might be handy.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He answered with boredom, of course he’s not interested in anything that has to do with the law. “How would you feel about having dinner with me at my quarters, hmm? It’s more delicious than those military rations they give you.”

I almost laughed out loud. Nile Dok is asking me to have dinner with him while the commander is still in the room with us. Levi had his eyebrows scrunch together in disgust at what he was hearing.

“The only time she’ll take that offer is if she’s being held at gunpoint.” Levi sneered, but the older ignored him. 

“Come on, what do you say?”

I jerked my arm away when Nile suddenly touched me with his hand without warning.

“Sir, I highly advise that if you want to keep your arm, you keep your hands to yourself.”

Nile brought his head back and laughed. “Levi, what did you do to your soldiers? They’re too feisty now— one shot a man and this one is threatening to cut my hand.”

“I trained them to not let any bullshit pass.”

The vice president cleared his throat. “Think about my offer, captain.” He smiled and I think I can see pieces of food stuck between his teeth. Filthy bastard. “I’ll take my leave now.”

Neither me or Levi bid him farewell, I honestly don’t know why Erwin still keeps him. If I was the president, he’ll be out of his position with a snap of my fingers.

I stood up from my chair as well to leave but Levi beat me to the door, he locked it before I could even touch the handle. He turned to me and walked closer to where I was.

“Sir?” I slowly walked backwards until my back hit the table behind me.

Levi acted like he didn’t hear me, he kept moving closer and closer to me until our bodies almost touched but he stopped before it could. He tilted my head as he grabbed my neck, at first I thought he’s choking me.

“Were you hurt?” He suddenly asked. 

Did I just hear that correctly? Did he actually ask that? I was too deep in my head that I wasn’t aware I was staring at him silently until he called for me.

“Do you need to get checked by Moblit? You need me to get Hange?”

“What? No. I’m fine.” I cleared my throat. I didn’t know where to look. The silence that soon followed was awkward, Levi himself doesn’t know what to say next.

The warmth of his hand left my skin but he did not move away from me. His eyes scanned my face to see if I was lying and in return I looked down at my lap.

“Were you worried?” I mumbled, not sure if he heard that clearly. 

“No.” He answered after a few moments of dead air.

“Oh.”

“I believed that you could handle it yourself. The fact that you are unscratched is because you handled it well.” 

“Mikasa was stabbed.” I reminded him. “Wagner is dead.” It seemed like he keeps forgetting that part. He doesn’t even look upset over it.

“So?”

This time I looked directly at him. His grey eyes were relaxed— he made no effort to look like he cares.

“What do you mean ‘so’ ?” 

“So?” He repeats. “What do you want me to do about it?”

“Is that why you didn’t want Jaeger to face consequences because you actually couldn’t care less?” 

I can’t believe he’s talking like this, it’s out of character. Levi never acted like this and I don’t get how he could be so relaxed when Wagner is dead— the person who supposedly knew what was happening.

Levi rolled his eyes. “I didn’t want him locked in the dungeons because that would mean I have to worry about him and there’s enough on my plate right now.” 

The sound of the doorknob interrupted us. Someone was outside by the door and tried to open it but Levi had locked it. The person knocked but me and Levi stayed in place. They knocked again, louder this time.

I took a step sideways to leave my place between the table and him. I opened the door to see Mike waiting outside. He glared at me and at Levi then back at me. 

“Guys, really?” He continued to stare, Levi joined us in the doorway. “Come on, you know I don’t mind but I will if you start to do it anywhere in the building.”

“What are you talking about?” Levi grunted, pushing the taller aside so he can leave the room.

“I hope you cleaned the table at least!” 

“Officer Zacharias!” I exclaimed, my eyes widened when I finally understood what he meant. Levi stopped in his tracks to look back at us with an annoyed glare but he didn’t say a word before he walked away.

“I had the displeasure of knowing what you guys do but please, no one else has to know.”

I was still at the doorway and having Mike confront me about Levi was horrible. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

I walked away, not wanting to continue this conversation but Mike grabbed my arm before I could walk further. I sighed and turned back. “What?”

“Is he power tripping you? Does he make you do things that you’re not comfortable with?” Mike’s voice was laced with worry, the way he grabbed my arm lacked force.

I pondered his question internally. Power tripping? No, Levi isn’t like that. “Whatever you’re thinking, none of that is true.”

I knew he wanted to say more, to push that whatever is going on between me and the commander is wrong but he backed off, swallowing his words.

“Okay. Hange is expecting you in the lab.”

When I arrived in the laboratory, Levi and Erwin were already there but the atmosphere in the room was heavy— Hange seemed out of her usual quirky personality. Levi and Erwin’s face sported a frown while Hange had their back turned to the door where I was. None of them spoke.

They surrounded a medical table and when I walked closer, there was Dahlia, or what was left of her. Multiple tubes were connecting her to a machine. She had her eyes closed that I could mistake her for dead.

“Hange, don’t you think she should be put to rest?” I broke the silence.

“No. I need to run some tests on her. Wagner told you they did this to her?”

“Yes.”

“Then the more reason I need her. She’s supposed to be dead. What I don’t understand is how is she still breathing?”

I sighed. “Hange, I can only imagine how much pain she’s in. She’s been through enough. Put her to rest.” I was almost begging.

The part of Dahlia’s severed limbs were showing signs of rotting and the smell was putrid. I can smell rotting flesh and that explains why everyone was wearing a mask except me.

“That’s where you got it wrong.” Erwin said.

“Erwin, this is not morally right. Having experiments at the expense of a person is just not something I can agree on.”

“What he means is that she can’t feel pain.” It was Levi who spoke this time.

I didn’t answer right away, I kept repeating what Levi said in my head. “What do you mean she can’t feel pain? Her limbs are cut off.” I wanted to chuckle at the absurdity.

I looked over at Hange and they were serious. They were all serious. Despite this condition, Dahlia Wagner is still alive and breathing. This is another case that doesn’t make sense.

“She can’t feel pain.” Hange confirms. “And that’s why I need to know how and why. Something is not right.”

“Erwin, this is getting out of hand. We need to seal the bridge. People are behind all of this and we need to protect ours.” Since I already have Erwin here, I might as well tell him what I think would be the best option.

“You’re going to check on colony 3 tomorrow.” Erwin replied in a monotone, without a sign of alarm or panic.

“Tell me you’re joking.” I sneered. “With all due respect, Mr. President but you’re fucking selfish.”

“(Y/N)” Levi and Hange said at the same time to warn me about my tone but I couldn’t care less. 

“You would rather put your colony in danger just to satisfy your curiosity.” I continued despite the daggers Levi was throwing at me with his glare. “I just know you can’t sleep at night wondering what happened to colony 3.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t argue about this here?” Hange asked but I was too heated up. 

I was mad and tired. At this point, hierarchy means shit. Erwin can shove his title up in his ass. He cannot make decisions that’s not good for the majority.

“You’re going to colony 3 tomorrow and that’s final.” Erwin refuses to look me in the eyes.

“Seal the bridge, Erwin.” I repeated more sternly. I’m pass begging, I’m demanding.

“I already told you, you know the answer.”

I looked at Hange and they shook their head at me, saying not to push Erwin on the edge. I can’t fucking believe this. I looked at Levi and he had the usual wrinkle between his brows but he chose to say silent.

“Don’t tell me you’re siding with him.” I told Levi, my voice was getting higher due to how mad I was but still he refuses to speak.

“Erwin.” I called again.

There’s a moment when we were all in silence, only the soft beeping of the machine filled the laboratory. After that, Erwin turned his body to face me.

“Alright, I’ll seal the bridge tomorrow.” 

“Thank you.” I sighed in relief.

“…but you still have to go.”

I frowned. He’s setting us up in a suicide mission. He wants us to go and come back through the main gates. We’d have to travel through yards and yards of deep snow plus the harsh wind on top of that.

“You’ve finally lost your mind.” I seethed

“If you’re not going tomorrow then you can pack your things and leave the military.” 

I had enough, I walked out the door without a word. If I stay inside there for another minute I might cut Erwin with a scalpel. He’s blackmailing me when all I want is what’s best for everyone.

“(Y/N)!” I heard Levi’s voice calling my name. He must’ve ran to get me. I kept walking in the hallway as if I hadn’t heard him. “I’m ordering you to stop.”

I halted and turned back. I was pissed at everything. I’m pissed at Eren for always butting in.  I’m pissed at Hange for treating Dahlia like a science project. I’m pissed at Erwin for being a selfish asshole. And I’m pissed at Levi for always choosing Erwin’s side.

“We’re not done talking. I never taught you to talk back to your superiors. What the hell were you thinking?” Levi looked pissed too and he was pissed at me.

“You’re too blinded by your devotion to Erwin that you cannot see that he is wrong.” I wanted to scream at him.

“You know I can’t do anything. He has the final say.” 

“But it would’ve been nice to know you got my back.” My voice was softer this time. That’s when I realized I was not pissed or mad at Levi. I was hurt.

Because there’s no cell in my body that could hate him. 

“You won’t be alone tomorrow. I’m coming with you and others are too.” That was his pathetic effort of trying to calm me down, refusing to acknowledge what I just said.

I want him on my team. I want him to tell Erwin that my suggestion is the best option. I want him to love me back.

I walked away again but he didn’t stop me.

Chapter Text

It was time for dinner but I chose to rot in my bed, not wanting to see anyone’s face. I’m still mad at what happened today, nothing happened smoothly as planned.

I was still mad and I’d rather not show myself while I’m still hot headed. Only God knows what would happen if I show up looking ready to commit murder. There’s enough dead bodies for today.

I took off my earpiece, it’s sitting on top of my bedside drawer and I stared while it glowed blue for the fifth time. People (I have no clue who nor am I interested to know) have been calling me for the past 20 minutes and I’m not in the mood to answer.

So much has happened in the span of a couple of weeks that I cannot physically keep up with it and my brain cannot process which one I should act on. One thing is for sure, that bridge needs to be sealed no matter what.

We’re all too busy that I haven’t had the time to talk with Levi seriously, though I doubt he would want that. He’s too naive when it's me. He still doesn’t get it even though I’m almost spelling it out for him.

A soft blue glow in the corner of my eye has caught my attention once again, signalling the sixth call that I won’t be answering still.

There’s no screaming or running outside my door so it means there’s no emergency. I’ll pick up the call if the colony is literally on fire. I just need some rest and gather my thoughts then I’ll be fine when the sun rises.

Sleeping on an empty stomach is certainly not on top of the list of my favorite things to do but tonight, it’s the only option I’m letting myself have.

I laid there on my bed, lights off, looking up at the ceiling, with the night lamp across the room, the only thing illuminating the place yet it’s not bright enough to illuminate the whole area.

I closed my eyes, dreading what’s to come tomorrow. I’m hoping Erwin was not serious but knowing him, he means every word that he says. Even though it’s petty at times, he never puts out the fire of curiosity inside him even when it’s at the expense of others. 

He just needs to know what happened to colony 3. He must be dying to know. In my opinion, they can go fuck themselves. All of them are selfish in their own ways.

Before I could get completely lost in my thoughts or finally fall asleep, I jerked up due to the loud banging on my door. It’s an impatient series of knocks which tells me that the person outside demands to be let in.

With a long sigh, I abandoned the warmth of my bed, hesitating to open the door while I’m only in a loose black shirt and shorts. As expected, the knocks became louder, urging me to answer the door faster.

“You couldn’t open the door any slower?” Levi sarcastically said when I finally opened the door. Needless to say, he’s the last person that I expected to come see me.

The military commander of colony 1 is outside my door with his usual neutral expression, holding a tray of food. There’s some kind of meat on the plate, potatoes and greens. There’s also a bowl of soup on the tray.

My tongue feels dry in my mouth and I couldn’t find the words to say. As absurd as it sounds, I’m not even sure if he got that meal for me. That being true sounds way weirder.

While I was standing there in the doorway cluelessly, staring at him like a creep without a word, he didn’t wait and ask for permission before marching inside my room.

He placed the tray on my bedside table after clearing out things that were on it so I can have a place to eat my meal.

“Were you already asleep?” He picked up my earpiece and turned it around to closely examine it.

“No.” I answered simply. 

It took me a moment to realize that the door was still open and I immediately scrambled to shut it close. Thankfully, no one passed by. I could only imagine how disastrous it would be if someone sees him inside my private room.

“So you were purposely ignoring my calls? I sent Braus to come and get you for dinner but she thought you were sleeping since you didn’t answer the door.” 

“I don’t have an appetite.” I stood there awkwardly despite not wanting to. I didn’t even know where to sit or go in my own room.

I’m supposed to be still mad but I can’t find it in me to scream or shout at him. I would do that at times when I’m too riled up where I throw respect out the window but how can I be at least pissed right now when the man has brought me dinner.

“You need to eat.” He put my earpiece down and took the plate and bowl off the tray. The piece of wood was placed down on the floor in an empty place between my bed and the bedside table.

I sat on my bed, still refusing to look at him directly, as always. “I’m fine. I can’t force myself to eat.”

When Levi does things like this, it is out of character. He has  never personally brought me a meal to my room. 

He clicked his tongue, annoyed by my stubbornness. “Are you waiting for me to spoon feed you? Do you not find it humiliating that your commander brings you your own meal because you’re a damn brat who didn’t come down for dinner and locked herself in her room?” He crossed his arms as he looked down on me. He’s two feet away, standing straight up.

I’m not being a brat. I might feel a tad bit hungry but the thought of eating makes me wanna vomit. I don’t feel well and I’m not sure if that’s because I’m not fine physically or it’s all psychological since I don’t want the mission to happen tomorrow.

“Ow!”I groaned.

I didn’t even notice Levi coming close to me and all I could feel in that instant was a sharp pain in my scalp. I winced as I registered that he was gripping my hair full force. I tried to hold his wrist in place to minimize the straining pain but it did nothing.

“I don’t want to drag your body tomorrow because you fainted with an empty stomach.” He released the grip he had on my hair. “Eat. Don’t make me shove your face down the plate.”

He pulled a chair to sit in front of me. “I’ll make sure you eat all of it,” he added.

Silently, I held the spoon and took a sip of the broth, hating how bland it is but I had no choice but to swallow it. It felt weird to eat while Levi is glaring at me, his steel eyes never left.

We sat there in silence until I nearly finished half of my meal when I spoke. “What’s going to happen tomorrow?” I asked.

Judging by his face, it doesn’t look like he got good news. “The visit to Colony 3 will continue.”

“But?” 

“He is sealing the bridge as you’ve requested.”

I let the silence grow again. Erwin is a menace and he only got worse after having the position of president. He is a selfish bastard who only desires to satisfy his wants. I mean that might be an exaggeration but he always finds a way to get what he wants.

“He’s crazy.” Was all that I could say without crossing the line of respect towards Erwin and triggering Levi as a result . 

“He is.” Levi looks unbelievably calm despite the situation. But then again, he doesn’t show what he’s thinking.

“Did anyone send a notice to colony 3 that we would be trespassing their territory?” I asked after swallowing my food.

“No.”

My spoon froze midair as I was about to take another bite. “What do you mean ‘no’?” I was obviously taken aback by this information, it just got worse. 

“Erwin explicitly said not to tell them that we’re coming. He said something about catching the suspect in the middle of a crime.” Levi shrugged as if he found nothing wrong about this.

“Is he serious?!” I put the spoon down. “We don’t know the reason why colony 3 is silent. Despite the lack of signs that there’s an outbreak there, it doesn’t rule out the possibility that there is.”

“Erwin has a point.” There he goes again, taking Erwin’s side. “They’re acting suspicious and if we announce our visit, they might pretend to act normal.” 

“I think they’re just done with other colonies sticking their noses up in their business. They just want to be left alone.” I said. “And if there is something wrong, ‘criminals’ as Erwin called them, then what would happen to us?”

Levi adjusted himself on his seat, crossing his legs. “Stop thinking too deep about it before you spiral down the tunnel of dark thoughts. You’re overacting. We go there, check that everything is in order then we leave—it’s that simple.”

“Yeah, through the main gate because your friend is a petty motherfucker who’s punishing me for saying the right thing.”

For a moment he seemed like he wanted to scold me with my tone but he stopped himself. “That’s true. Erwin is a petty motherfucker.” He agrees in the end.

He clears his throat and his gaze falls on the now empty plate. “So wear a thick coat or something.”

I just nodded. 

“I’ll take the tray and plates back, you go get ready for bed.” Levi stood up to take the tray he left on the floor to place the plates back on it so it’ll be easier to carry.

He left the room without a goodbye or goodnight, leaving me there alone again. He never says those things frequently and it was normal but… it would be nice to hear it personally and not like the one he gave me over a call when I was quarantined.

I shrugged the longing feeling off and entered the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face again. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. 

I look thin and fragile. Even though the latter isn’t true, it would be the first thing someone would think if they saw me. I never cared about my appearance but lately I started to grow conscious. 

I started to wonder if he thinks I’m ugly.

After I tidied up myself, I went out the bathroom only to find Levi back inside my room, making my bed. The image feels impossible in my head and for a second, I doubted if I was seeing things.

“Hurry up and make yourself sleep. I’ll wait until you’re asleep. I need to make sure you get some rest. I don't want a repeat of last time when you spent the whole day on duty half dead.” 

He fluffs my pillows and adjusts my bed cover then arranges my blanket so I can get inside. That made my heart feel something. I’m not sure what but it feels good.

I wasted no time in getting inside the covers and for some reason it was twice as warm than last night. My bed feels much cozier when he arranges it. The covers wrapped around me until only my neck and face was visible.

“Are you really going to supervise me while I sleep?” The thought alone sounded weird. 

Levi sat back down on the same chair he used earlier with folded arms and crossed legs, staring at my lying figure like a hawk.

“Just until you fall asleep,” He corrected. 

I didn’t reply, taking it as a sign that it’s time for bed. I adjusted myself to find a more comfortable position which was turning my back against him and facing the wall. This way, I can pretend that he’s not here.

It wasn’t awkward but I cannot sleep. The mere fact of being watched makes my natural instincts alert. I tried my best to pretend and make myself sleep but it wasn’t working. After a couple of minutes of tossing and turning on my bed, Levi had enough of it. 

“Quit moving and sleep. I need to sleep too.” Levi scolded and his voice suggested that he was getting irritated.

“I’m trying but I can’t.” I huffed, pulling the covers down until it rested on my waist. “I don’t feel sleepy, nowhere near it. In fact, I feel energized.”

I’ve noticed that I’ve been avoiding calling him. I don't think ‘sir’ would still be fine after we did it and I’m also sure I can’t call him by his first name when I have moaned it.

Levi bit the inside of his cheeks, I’m probably getting on his nerves now which I’m not doing intentionally. He stood up to turn off the light and lock the door, turning on the night lamp. It turned dark and I can’t see his face clearly.

He returned to the side of my bed, his body looming over me. “Move, I’m getting in.”

“Huh?” I blinked a few times, confused at what he meant because he said it too fast.

Refusing to repeat himself, he pushed my body closer to the wall to create a space and sat on it. Then he bent down to take off his shoes and my breath hitched when it dawned on me what he meant.

Levi laid his head down on a pillow facing me, his face too close for comfort and I felt my muscles tense. Our nose almost touched at how close we were.

“Turn around.” He ordered. Not waiting for me to move on my own, he grabbed my shoulders, manhandling me into position.

“W-wait.” I felt his hands snake around my waist, the tips of his fingers were cold against my skin under my shirt. His body was pressed behind me with his hot breath on the back of my neck.

“What are you doing?” I asked. 

His thumb hooked the waistband of my shorts and started to pull it down. I caught his wrist before it could go any lower. I craned my neck back to look at him in confusion.

“You said you don’t feel sleepy. I’m going to make you tired.” Levi answered me like it was the most obvious thing to do. 

Without waiting for approval or any violent reaction, he slid the garment off so easily that it might be a hidden talent of his, I am left in a thong.

I’d be lying if I said his actions didn't turn me on. I started to feel the wetness between my legs but Levi didn’t take my panties off nor any of his clothing. I felt my nipples harden as he continued to touch my thighs despite how sensitive I am, leaving goosebumps in his wake.

“Relax.” He faked sympathy, sensing that I’m a bit tense. “I’ll only use my fingers.” 

I felt him push my thong to the side, exposing my heat. His fingertips merely ghosted over my clit but he didn’t put pressure and it was gone as soon as I felt it which made me whine. All of this was happening under the thick blanket as he caged my body.

“Please.” I whispered, pleading with him for more friction, my hips chasing his hand. Although I couldn’t see his face, I can feel him smirking with his lips on my neck.

“Words, doll,” he said while continuing to tease me. “I need you to use your words.”

“Nghh~~You already know.” I mumbled, feeling a bit shy. My body was stuck between the wall in front of me and Levi behind me, he still got his arm around me and his hand between my thighs.

“I know.” He’s getting cocky. “But I love hearing you beg.” I felt the tip of his tongue lick my ear but it didn’t last a second longer.

I swallowed the saliva pooling inside my mouth at how turned on I was. “Please, sir. I need to be touched.” If I wasn’t wet and horny, I would’ve slapped myself for saying that out loud.

“Tssk.” He wasn’t amused, it’s still not enough for him. “You can do better than that.” I buried my face on my pillow. “Beg or I’m leaving you here. Your fingers are too short to reach anything, you’ll be spending the whole night shoving them in your cunt but we both know only I can reach your special spot.” He massaged my inner thigh as he spoke.

“Nooo.” I craned my neck back to look at him with pleading eyes. The thought of him leaving me bothered and frustrated almost made me want to cry. “You can’t leave me like this, please. I need something inside, fingers— I n-need your fingers inside.”

“Hmm, that’s better, isn’t it?” Without warning, his fingers prodded at my entrance, playing with the wetness down there and lathered it on my aching clit. 

My hip stuttered as a reaction, torn between moving away from his hand from the sudden sensation or to push against it to feel more. He kept rubbing me at a medium pace without pressure, knowing exactly what and how I want it.

“Aww, I can feel your hole clenching around nothing.” He mocked and my hole clenched again at his words. “Does my doll want something inside her pussy?”

“Can I have your fingers now, sir?” My eyes were closed, I was focused on how he was making me feel. I didn’t care if I cut my lower lip at how hard I was biting it to stifle my moans.

“Of course you can, doll.” He placed a sweet, chaste kiss on my neck. “But you won’t be permitted to cum. Can you tell me why that is?”

“B-because I can only c-cum on your cock.” I stuttered, Levi was still playing with my clit mindlessly, rubbing lazy circles on the poor nub.

“That’s right. So if you want to cum, your pussy has to take my cock.” He pressed his groin against my ass and he was so hard, he was straining inside his pants.

“Yeah, okay.” I was too drunk on the thought of being able to cum that I let my mouth run. “I’ll take your cock, sir.” I pushed my ass back against him, taking the feeling of his huge member.

“I’m going to make this fun for you.” He withdrew his arms from me, stopping his touches. 

He got out of the bed to stand up, taking his pants and boxers off but keeping his suit on. He came here in a fucking suit and tie. Maybe he had a meeting in section 1, I don’t know, I don’t care. All I care about is how hot he looks right now.

Even in the dim light, I could see his dick slap on his belly when he took his boxers off. His bangs were disheveled, the tip of his cock was an angry red. He took off his suit, bunched up the sleeves of his dress shirt and loosened his tie.

He went back on the bed, giving his member short tugs to make it harder, if that was even possible. It looked like it was about to burst, pearls of precum spilling out of its slit and dripping on its sides. It looked delicious and I want my mouth around it.

Levi kneeled on the bed and before he could lie back down, I got to him first. I couldn’t wait, I wanted him in my mouth as soon as possible. I want to feel how heavy he sits on my tongue. It would be the first time I’m going to taste him.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Before my mouth could even touch him, he caught my face in his hand, pinching my cheeks. “Are you going to touch me without my permission first?” He raised a brow and he couldn’t look hotter than he is right now.

I tried to pull my face out of his hold so I can answer properly but he didn’t let go. “I want to taste you. Can I put my mouth on your dick, please?” My words weren’t coherent since he was still holding my face but he understood it.

He pretended like he was debating if he’d let me. “That mouth does look inviting. Alright.” He sat on the bed, back flat against the headboard and he spread his legs. “I want you on all fours like a real bitch in heat.”

He patted his legs, signaling me to come over and I crawled up to him just like he asked. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest but most of all, my inner thighs were getting sticky from my juices and I could feel it every time I moved.

Levi took his tie off and unbuttoned his shirt until down to the last button yet he still didn’t take the damn clothing off. But I wasn’t complaining, he looked so good in it while doing this. 

He gathered my hair into a ponytail behind my head, his left fist holding it in place and tucked the loose strands of hair behind my ear. I looked up at him, waiting for my cue.

“You can have a taste but you have to listen very carefully.” He talked to me like I was a child. “You can only use your tongue and lick the tip. If you break that rule by using your lips or mouth or by touching anywhere else, you’ll get punished. Is that understood?” He tilted my face with a finger under my chin.

I nodded. I lolled my tongue out and gently pressed it on his slit. “Hey, I want to see your eyes while you do it,” he added and I gladly complied. I stared at him while I gave kitten licks on his tip, chasing the drops of precum and lapping it all up. The more I licked the more precum was flowing out.

Levi groaned, his grip in my hair was tighter but it didn’t hurt. He was looking down on me, biting his bottom lip and moaning here and there.

I halted my actions. “Am I doing it right?” I was feeling insecure. I’m not sure if I’m doing it correctly. He doesn’t look like he was close to his climax and I’m starting to doubt if I’m satisfying him.

“Just do what I tell you to.” His answer was snarkier than I’d like it to be so I assumed that he doesn’t feel good.

Frustrated with my performance and thinking I wasn’t satisfying him enough, I flattened my tongue and licked a long stripe from his balls up to his tip before putting the whole head of his cock inside my mouth and sucked it while still swirling my tongue on his slit.

“Shit shit shit.” Levi clenched his teeth at the sudden action and the sensation that followed through on his sensitive dick. 

His hips were trying to get away from my wet and warm mouth. His dick came out with a wet plop and I swore I felt his legs shudder although I’m not sure at what it meant.

Slap

“I fucking told you what not to do and you disobeyed all of it.” He gave me a second and third slap for good measure before tugging my hair again to make me face him. Oh, he was mad and I wanted to cry because my cheeks were burning from his slaps and because I made him mad.

“I’m sorry!” I immediately asked for his forgiveness, not wanting to sour his mood further. “I’m sorry, I just wanted you to feel good, I didn’t mean it.” I was sobbing and tears were threatening to spill from my eyes.

Levi stayed silent for a short while. “Poor doll, just wanted to make me feel good that she can’t think straight.” He traced my lower lip with his finger. “Is that it? You just wanted to satisfy me?”

“Yes. I’m really sorry.” I pouted.

“Okay, I forgive you.” I relaxed when he said that. “But unfortunately, you still have to take your punishment. I can’t let you off the hook; the next thing I know, you’ll be disobeying me left and right, thinking you can always get away from the consequences.”

I sobbed even more, I pleaded again but it fell on deaf ears. He gave his dick a couple of strokes while making eye contact with me.

“Fuck, your cries always turn me on. Look how hard you made me with all that sobbing and begging” He roughly pushed my face closer to his dick to take a look at it. I wanted to touch it so badly, I needed to feel how hot and heavy he was.

Levi took his discarded tie back. “Turn around and kneel. Hands behind your back.” Fearing pissing him off even more, I quietly followed his orders.

I felt Levi tie my hands tightly behind me and I was growing anxious by the second. He turned me around by my shoulders and he looked pleased at his work.

“I’ll give you an option. Do you want my fingers or you want my dick?” Levi never gives me chances to choose and I know he was planning something. I know he’s not going to let me cum on his fingers.

“I don’t want your fingers, sir.” I whispered.

“Then tell me what you want.” He said while rubbing my hips softly, pinching the flesh lightly at times.

“Your cock.” I mumbled, refusing to look him in the eyes as I said that. 

“I can’t hear you.”

“I want your cock inside me sir, please.” I was grateful that he can’t see how red my cheeks has become due to the embarrassment.

“Get over here.” 

I sat on his lap, his hard dick between our bodies. It was hard to move freely because of the restraint. Levi moved me closer and I gave a surprised moan when the side of his dick made contact with my clit. 

Both of his hands went under my ass to raise me up until my entrance was hovering above his tip.

“N-no, wait!” I yelled and he gave me a low chuckle. “Aren’t you going to stretch me first?” I looked at him with panic in my eyes.

“Didn’t you choose my cock?” He smirked. “You made the right choice cause I wasn’t going to make you cum with my fingers. I would’ve just edged you until you fell asleep.”

“So you’re not going to prepare me now?” 

“Don't worry, doll,” He squeezed my ass hard and I yelped. “I’ll stretch you with my cock.” He lowered me down slowly on him.

“No! It’s going to hurt!” I didn’t have any support with my hands tied behind me and I’m solely relying on Levi to choose the pace.

“Ssh, it’ll only hurt for a moment then you’ll feel good. Remember your first time?” 

I do but he stretched me out. If that hurt, I can only imagine what the pain would be now. “Please, sir. I’m scared.” I was trembling as I buried my face in his neck.

“Sshhh, I got you. This is how good whores take cock. You’ll feel tighter and you’ll be able to satisfy me. Don’t you want to satisfy me?” He asked, voice soothing but I know he’s acting. “Look at me and answer.”

I pulled my face away to look him in his cold eyes. I nodded, not knowing what to say. I don’t want it but I want to make him feel good.

Levi lowered me down until I felt his huge tip prodding at my hole. It was hot and it stretched me out painfully, he was too big that it couldn’t get inside fully.

“Sir, it’s too tight. It can't— Ah fuck!” 

Levi thrusted his hips upward while he pushed me down, allowing his tip to slip inside me. “What were you saying?”

“Ow!” I cried at the sudden penetration. My hands balled into fists, my nails digging on the flesh of my palms. “Wait, it hurts, please!”

“I am letting you take it slow.” He placed a soft kiss on my head when I returned to his neck. “You’re being good for me. Fuck! You feel so fucking good.” He moaned in my ear and my pussy clenched.

“You like that?” He continued. “You like me telling you how good your pussy feels around my cock?”

I whined in embarrassment. “I can’t! It’s too painful.” I attempted to raise my hips up to get him off but Levi slapped my ass with force before shoving another inch in me. “Ow! Please!”

“Shut the fuck up. You’re pretending like you can’t take it but your pussy is drooling down my cock. I think you’re wet enough to take it, no?”

In one swift motion, he pushed his entire length in me, balls deep. “Mmh~Ahh.” His hands caged my hips to prevent me from going anywhere. I was trembling and tears are now staining my cheeks. “F-fuck, so big, so fucking big. I feel full.”

“Look at that.” He said. “Your cries makes me want to rape you everyday. You’d like that? I bet you do. Always so polite when you’re spreading your legs. Keep acting like that and I’ll fuck you in public so you’ll be more behaved when talking to your superiors.”

“I feel so full,” I repeated, not hearing what he said and his threats. I was too focused with his organ inside me.

“You really are a good whore.” He continued to give praises which were at the same time degrading. “You’re gripping mo so good, fuck.” 

He started to pull out not even an inch of him and pushing it back inside. He did this and every time he pulls out, he takes more of him until nothing but the head was inside and slammed the rest back in.

“Ah ah ah, fuck. More, sir. I can take more.” The pain was now turned to pleasure and it felt too good. 

“I knew you’ll like it. After all, you’re my little painslut.” He kept on adjusting me and his pace until he heard me moan when he thrusted in one certain angle. “Found it. I’ll never prep you with my fingers ever again. Your cunt will only be loosened by my dick.”

He drilled at my g-spot and my eyes rolled back in pleasure as I was almost drooling.

“Aww, poor, baby doll.” He mocked again. “Too~ fucking hell argh— too drunk on dick that you can’t think of anything else but it.”

“Harder! Please! I’m close. I’m so fucking close.” I swallowed. 

“Shut up!” Levi warned with another slap on my ass. “You really want the whole section to hear you get fucked? What a fucking whore, open your legs wider. I want you to see my cock fucking your slutty cunt.”

Levi spread my legs, pushing it against my stomach and let his arms wrap around my torso so that my legs were hanging off his arms.

“Look at it.”

I looked down and I was greeted with a lewd sight. My hole was stretched and Levi’s length was fucking it. I was taking him whole, he bounced me from the tip until his entire length was inside, pushing our mixed juices out. 

That pushed me to the edge. “Can I cum please! I’m going to cum.” I sobbed as I bounced myself on him too.

“Fucking do it, bitch. Let me see that pussy pulse.” His dirty words were all it took for me to cum around him, I was not done riding my high when I felt hot spurts of liquid. 

Levi came inside me. 

“You’re too much of a slut, you made me cum inside your filthy hole.” He groaned as he continued to cum, his orgasm not yet finished.

When he got his pleasure, he pulled out but it was still completely hard. Our cum oozed out of me and he didn’t waste any time scooping the mess and pushing it back deep inside me.

“Too sensitive.” I complained but I was too tired to stop him physically.

“Sshh.”

I winced when he pushed his member inside me again. “No more please, ‘m sleepy.”

“I know, baby doll. You were so good for me.” He reached around me to untie my hands. When that was done, he brought both my wrists to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss on them. 

I was too sleepy that I couldn't register what he was doing, my eyes were already closed. He pulled out again to lay me beside him facing the wall before pushing back inside. I was too tired and sleepy that I can’t even react. My hole was already stretched out so he slipped inside with ease.

“I’ll clean up later but I’ll make you cockwarm me for now.”

Chapter Text

When I woke up the following morning, I was not feeling great. My muscles hurt and my whole body was sore. My inner senses were screaming at me that something wasn’t right.

Then I remembered that today was d-day. The visit to colony 3 is going to happen today. With a heavy sigh, I shifted to a sitting position on the bed. I don’t want to go and for a split second, I wondered if I could back out and make them send someone else. But what would Levi think?

Levi.

Levi was here last night. The memories of the previous night came flooding in my head. I tried my best to forget about the graphic images of what happened and all that remained were the moments that made my heart swoon.

He bought me dinner. He kissed my head softly while we were doing the deed. He kissed both my wrists. He held me dearly. He stayed with me until I could fall asleep because he knew I’m having trouble with it. 

I fell asleep naked but when I woke up, I’m back in my shirt and shorts. I’m fighting myself to not give in and smile. Levi cleaned me and put my clothes back. He’d say stuff like, “I’m the one who took off your clothes, I should be the one to put them back.” 

I want him.

A bright blue light in the corner of my vision pulled me out of my daydream. I’m receiving a call through my earpiece. I stretched to reach it from the top of my drawer.

“Hello?” I answered the call, more informally than I usually do since I just woke up and still feel groggy. My voice is still raspy.

“It’s almost quarter to eight in the morning and you just woke up?” 

I’m not sure what tone Levi is using. I don’t know if he’s mad, annoyed, or just his usual self, micromanaging everything.

“Yes, I’m getting ready right now.” I lied. I sprung to my feet, beelined to the bathroom while still wearing my earpiece. “Wait.” I stopped walking. “Are we going to colony 3 right away?”

“Didn’t I mention that we’re having a meeting in Erwin’s office in half an hour?” He asked, sounding confused. He must’ve forgotten to tell me.

“No?” I replied but it came out sounding like a question. I tried to remember if he had mentioned something about a meeting. “No, sir. I don’t think you told me.”

“I’m sor—.” He cleared his throat over the line, cutting himself off in the middle of his sentence. “Whatever. Finish what you’re doing there and get your ass here. Don’t be late.”

~•~•~•~

There were a couple more people in Erwin’s office. Turns out it’s not just me, Levi, and Mike that will be going. Flagon, a senior officer (which Levi always hated for some reason), and Nifa, a junior officer.

Much more to my dismay, Nile Dok is also present in this meeting. I wonder why he’s here when he has nothing important to contribute. 

“So the plan is to sneak there at nighttime to see what they’re up to?” I asked, failing to hide my smile at how funny it sounded in my head. 

Erwin wants us to crawl our way in there like little rats sneaking into some pantry. That’s his genius plan and I can’t help but silently chuckle. 

The whole atmosphere of the room was serious and I’m the only one who found it lighthearted. I quickly adjusted my face and dropped the grin. It felt like laughing at a funeral and the relatives of the deceased were all judging you. 

“You seem to have some problems with the plan. Do you mind enlightening us about what you find amusing about it?” Erwin looked pretty cool about it on the outside but he’s challenging me to criticise him. He’s just good with words.

“Nothing bad about it except I thought we were going there for a short visit, to check if everyone is alright since they’ve gone radio silent for almost a month now. I didn’t know this whole thing turned into an investigation.” I shrugged. I wasn’t against it but it still feels off.

“Are you questioning the president?” Nile lazily taunted, he was resting his face on his hand while kept  chewing on something that I assumed was gum. Honestly, I can’t take him seriously.

“No, sir.” I faked politeness. “I was surprised, that’s all.” I gave him a meek smile to avoid arguing like the last time where we interrogated Eren, Levi thought so too.

“And what’s going to happen with the bridge?” Nifa asked the question I wanted answers to. She was taking down notes diligently like she was in school.

“You can pass through it on the way to colony 3 but when you leave from there, you’ll enter through the main gate. I’ll have soldiers stationed at the gate to receive you.” Erwin explained it like it was no big deal. “The bridge is starting to be sealed as we speak.”

“I have to ask, sir.” Here goes nothing. “Are you sealing the bridge because I suggested it or are you being petty and decided to seal it at the same time of our mission to get back at me?”

Levi was sitting right beside me and I found the lack of scolding from him surprising. But then I felt something heavy on top of my foot and it was getting painful. It took me five whole seconds to realize that Levi was stepping on me under the table, a gesture that says ‘shut the fuck up.’

I stopped myself from wincing and crumbling my face due to the pain and pulled my foot away from Levi’s. The meeting continues and whether Levi likes it or not, I’m going to speak my mind.

Flagon looked offended, glancing at Erwin as if he was expecting that I would be reprimanded but the latter only chuckled. 

“I have to admit, at first I had no intention of actually sealing the bridge.” Erwin states and it took everything in me not to lash out with this new information. “But now, it’s all a calculated plan.”

“Calculated? How is it calculated?” Nifa asked again, trying to decipher everything Erwin says.

“That, I’m afraid I cannot disclose with you.” Erwin replied and I took a glimpse at Levi to see if he was as confused as the rest of us.

The funny thing is Levi being calm. He looked sure of the plan like he’s agreeing with Erwin silently, like he thought this was a great plan. 

“And why can’t you disclose that?” That came out sounding harsher than I intended, earning another glare from the commander.

“Because it is part of the plan.” His tone was dismissive, his way of telling us to stop questioning him about it but still, I can’t brush off this uneasy feeling sitting in the pit of my stomach.

I bit my tongue, even if I push Erwin, I won’t gain anything. Levi should be the one planning this ‘mission’ but he let Erwin take over and that’s what upsets me even if it’s fine for him. When will Erwin ever let go of the military? When will he truly accept that he is not the commander anymore? 

I’m not sure what Levi thinks of this set up but I’ve always thought that he’s just Erwin’s puppet and that Erwin still controls everything in the military. Levi is so used to taking orders from him and being his right hand man that he doesn’t realize this set up should not even exist now.

“You have nothing to worry about.” Erwin continued, giving everyone assurance. “We’ll use your earpieces to communicate with you and we’ll monitor you from the moment you leave the colony until you get back.”

In the corner of my eye, I can sense Mike fidgeting in his seat. He kept on sniffing and scratching his nose. He’s not confident with this mission. 

“What’s the plan if something goes wrong? Any plan B?” This was Flagon’s first question during this meeting and he’s right to ask that.

“That’s why we monitor you. Don’t stop talking in your earpiece. Tell us everything you see, tell us if you sense something wrong. I can’t give you a plan B right now if we don’t even know what’s out there. If something goes wrong, then we decide the next course of action when we know what the problem is.” 

Nifa looked satisfied with Erwin’s answer, she nodded her head in silent agreement while writing in her little notebook. She wrote something long and I wonder if she wrote what Erwin says word for word. 

“Any more questions and clarifications?” Erwin asked although it was obvious on his face that he hoped there was none.

As expected, no one asked. I personally don’t have questions but I am against this whole thing. This was unnecessary. Let’s put it this way, what’s the worst that could probably happen in colony 3? If there was an outbreak. If we seal the bridge (which is being done now) then we would all be safe. The problem of another colony is not our problem.

This mission only caters to Erwin and his goddamn curiosity.

Mike raised his hand and Erwin motioned for him to speak. “Sorry but what is this mission for again?” 

“To see what colony 3 is up to.” 

“Sir, just because they’re being silent doesn’t mean they’re scheming something against us. I’ve already said this and I know I’m being redundant but this is unnecessary. We are just wasting our time and effort.” I mentally prepared myself in case Levi steps on my foot again but it didn’t happen.

Levi looks impatient and it’s clear that he wants to get this meeting over with. He kept on anxiously bouncing his leg and every time someone asks a question, he scowls, not wanting to prolong this any more.

Erwin shook his head, disagreeing with what I said but I already expected that. “If they’re not planning something, then going there shouldn’t be a problem. There’s nothing to worry about.” 

Fuck this, he really is stubborn about this. I looked over at Levi to ask for help but he had his face on his hand and his eyes were closed. Seriously? He fell asleep in the middle of a meeting?

I jabbed his side with my elbow to wake him up. His eyes opened, giving me an angry glare. “I was just resting my eyes.” He grumbled, then he adjusted his position.

“If that’s all, this meeting is adjourned. Get back to your stations, regroup before dusk and pack the things you may  need.” Erwin stood up and everyone followed, putting the chairs back under the table.

“Meet me in my office.” Levi whispered in my ear and my eyes darted everywhere, checking if anyone saw the exchange. After Mike found out about us, even though there never was a confirmation from me or Levi, I got worried about who knows too.

Erwin returned to his private quarters while everyone else left the office. Levi was the first to reach the door and somehow a part of me wanted us to leave together but that’s just a silly thought of mine. 

Nifa walked out blindly, reading her notes up and down, almost bumping into Flagon’s back. Mike left too but not without giving me a side eye, noticing the little interaction me and Levi exchanged a while ago. 

Mike was stationed in section 1 so he didn’t have to leave the area. Levi walked fast, I could only catch a glimpse of him as he turned a corner and when I got there, he’s nowhere to be seen. 

I’m slowly getting used to this— me being Levi’s little secret. Of course I want more but I’d take what I can get.

I couldn’t hide my smile as I jogged up the stairs on the way to his office. It’s not everyday that Levi invites me himself and I haven’t gone there since…well.

I walked faster than I normally would, struggling to hide my excitement. I felt like a pathetic school girl blushing at the thought of a silly crush.

When I reached the door, someone on the other side opened it after I knocked twice. I was taken aback to see a familiar redhead. How could I forget about Petra? Seeing her immediately soured my mood that I could almost taste acid on my tongue.

“Captain? The commander is not here yet, he went out to fetch something. He said you can wait on the couch.” She still got that cute, chirpy voice but all I can hear are nails on a chalkboard.

Alright, I get that I’m being unfair, she never did anything wrong to me but she gets on my nerves. Call me a jealous bitch because that’s exactly what I’m feeling.

I walked to where the couch was without talking to Petra. It’s easy to pretend that she’s not there cause that’s all I ever do. However, it’s harder now since we’re the only ones inside Levi’s office.

“Can I get you something to drink, captain?” 

I was having an internal battle with myself about whether I should answer her or keep my silence. “No thank you, I’m good.” 

Oh, I’m not good, I’m thirsty. My throat feels so dry and I would very much like a glass of water right now. Unfortunately for me, I would only appreciate it if it wasn’t from Petra. I’m not giving her a chance to poison me. Great, now I’m painting her like some sort of criminal.

“Uhmm, Captain, do you think the Commander is in a good mood today?” Petra fidgets with her fingers, sounding hesitant to ask.

I sighed, not knowing the answer myself. I reclined in my seat.  “He’s in his normal mood, I’m not sure if you can call it good.”

Petra chuckled and I’ve decided that hearing it is worse than her speaking voice. “I was hoping I can talk him into giving me a day off tomorrow.” 

“You should have a pretty damn good reason why you need that day off or else you can kiss your job goodbye.” I bit my tongue, realizing I was having a conversation with her.

I was growing impatient while waiting for Levi to come back, he’s absolutely taking his sweet time and I want his assistant to stop talking to me.

“I’m scared he won’t let me because it’s not really counted as an emergency.” She’s standing at the side of the couch and I almost felt sorry for her. She looks like she wanted it so badly.

“What is it?” I asked although I wasn’t interested, just avoiding the dead air that might lead to awkwardness.  I was sitting at the end of the couch, legs crossed, and fingers drumming on the arm rest.

“Well, uhm, you see, it’s my son’s second birthday and I would like to spend the whole day with him.” She smiles shyly at me. 

“Then ask him yoursel— wait, what?” I looked her in the eye as her words dawned on me.

“It’s my son’s birthday tomorrow.” Petra repeated, hopeful that it would be a valid excuse to miss work for a day.

No, I heard her the first time. “You have a son? Are you married?” I kept my voice down, not wanting to seem like I am interested in her personal life.

“Oh, yes!” Her face shifted into excitement. “My husband is actually in the military, that's how the commander knows me. His name is Oluo.”

Oluo Bozado. He’s a few years older than me and although Levi would never verbally say it but he's fond of him. We’re not that close but I know he’s a good soldier.

But that’s besides the point. Petra has a child. She has a husband. She has a family. It feels like someone dumped a bucket of cold water on me. All those times when I treated her with disrespect came flooding in my head. All that anger and misplaced jealousy just to find out that she’s married and has a child?

It’s humiliating. I’m getting second hand embarrassment with myself if that’s even possible. But above all, I feel like I wronged her and I did. I treated her like garbage but she has never once complained about my attitude. She would always smile at me despite all that.

I feel uncomfortable in my own skin after knowing this new information. I feel uncomfortable in her presence. I probably look guilty right now while she’s still busy worrying about her day off and what to say to her boss. 

“Petra…” Overdue apologies were sitting on the tip of my tongue but it stayed unsaid because of the door opening, Levi walking inside the office with a glass container of what seemed like dried tea leaves.

The assistant perked up when Levi walked right past us, heading straight to the counter to place the jar carefully on it. Petra trailed behind him, mumbling a bunch of words that weren’t coherent until Levi made her stop talking.

“What do you want?” Levi asked sharply and for the first time, I wished he was a bit gentler to her. 

Fuck, I don’t even know what to feel. There’s a mixture of emotions inside my chest and I can’t pick what to feel one at a time.

“I was wondering,” Petra dragged her words, probably to buy her more time to think about what to say next. “If tomorrow, maybe I can—”

“Take the day off.” Levi dismissed her, he was impatient as he opened the jar to take some tea leaves out and put it inside a cup before pouring hot water.

“Really?” She was never one to hide what she’s feeling and right now her expression can be compared to someone who won the lottery. “Thank you, sir! I promise to work harder when I come back.”

“Sure. Have you packed everything I need for the mission later?”

“Yes, sir! I triple checked everything.” She answered, she wants Levi to know that she has been working hard without actually saying it out loud.

“You can take the day off today as well.”

“Are you serious?” Petra was so close to squealing in joy but Levi didn’t answer back. “Thank you, thank you, sir!” She bowed to show gratitude but Levi was busy making his damn tea.

“You may leave now.” Levi said without looking back at his assistant. Petra gave another bow before waving bye at me as she walked to the door and I only nodded my head in acknowledgment.

I was still sitting on the couch and Levi at the counter. We didn’t exchange words but our silence wasn’t tense, it wasn’t awkward. I was simply waiting for him as the sound of metal spoon hitting ceramic filled the air.

The stirring stopped, Levi turned to me, cup of tea in his hand. He placed it on top of the coffee table and sat on the couch, making sure to put space between us.

“Drink it.” 

Oh, so it’s for me. This is new. I feel warm just by thinking Levi Ackerman made me tea.

I took the cup carefully and brought it close to my mouth. It smells earthy which was not my favorite but I’d take anything from Levi. I took a sip and my nose scrunched at the taste. 

It tasted bitter and I immediately got reminded of that certain butterfly pea. But this was bitter and earthy and I’m trying my best not to gag from it in front of Levi. I’m scared of offending him.

“What’s in this?” I asked nicely after I forced myself to swallow. I placed the cup back on the table.

“Mugwort and Pennyroyal.”

I didn’t like how it tasted and I didn’t like the aftertaste. “That’s an interesting combination.” I said while still trying to get rid of the aftertaste.

“You don’t like it?”

“I mean I’m not saying I don’t like it.” I internally panicked, looking directly at him to see if he was offended. “It’s just not my favorite.” I took the cup again and brought it to my lips to show him I can take it but the truth was that I wasn’t taking a real sip.

“You need to finish it.” He paused and he looked like he wanted to say something but his shoulders slumped. “It’s good for your health.”

I smiled because he was thinking about my health. I took a real gulp this time but I immediately regretted it. I can’t force myself to drink more of this. If Levi likes this stuff then it’s on him. 

He stood up and moved in front of me. I felt a pressure on the top of my head…he was patting me. He’s smoothing my hair and tucked loose strands behind my ear.

“I’m going out. You need to finish your tea. You can leave it here.”

I was speechless. Where is all of this affection coming from? He feels like a different person all of a sudden. Before, I would try to hide my smiles from him but now, I’m smiling up at him and it feels freeing.

I nodded. He pulled his hand to himself and I already missed the weight of it on my head. He took a glance at me for the last time and went out the door. I can’t help but sit there and look like a lovesick puppy.

However, I feel guilty as I poured the tea down the sink in his bathroom. I love him but I can’t seriously drink this tea. He wouldn’t know it though. I left the empty cup on the counter so he’ll think I finished it.

I left his office and on my way, I saw a familiar brunette. “Jaeger!” I called him. He looked like shit. It looks like he’s mindlessly walking around with his head down and hands in his pocket.

He turned his head to me. His attempt at smiling failed, he could only stretch his mouth into a small smile yet his eyes stayed sunken. He looked like he got back from war losing a couple of pounds.

He walked close to me. “Hi, captain. Haven’t seen you last night; You skipped dinner.” He said sheepishly.

“What’s up with your face? You look like a drug addict. Fix it.” I snapped at him.

“Really? Do I look that bad?” He pouted, bringing a hand up to his face.

“What I said was already a nicer version of what I was thinking.”

I resumed walking but I could hear Eren’s footsteps trailing behind me. “What?” I asked without looking back and without halting. I was still mad about what happened to Wagner and seeing Eren right now brings back the anger I felt.

“They’re already sealing the bridge, a lot of people are working on it. When you come back from colony 3, it will be completely shut.” He sounded worried.

“I know. I’m heading to the plaza to check on it.” We arrived at the top of the staircase and we went down three flights of stairs and when we finally got to the ground floor, we passed by some soldiers in the hallway until we could see the clearing of the plaza in the distance.

Neither of us talked to each other while we were walking until we were at the plaza, Eren spoke. “You’re okay with all of this?” We moved closer to where the bridge was getting sealed.

I could see Oluo, Petra’s husband, helping to seal it. They really brought a lot of people to make this happen overnight. They’re sealing it with cement and when this is finished, there’s no turning back unless they smash the wall they created.

“Of course I’m not fine with this. Erwin is being such a secretive bitch now. I don’t even know his point when he speaks. It’s just a bunch of whimsical bullshit most of the time.” 

“Then what does the commander think of all of this?”

I snorted. “As if Levi would choose anyone over Erwin.” I rolled my eyes at the thought. “Does your brother know that our bridge is being sealed? You should probably visit him. It’ll be your last one for quite some time.”

I heard him sigh deeply beside me. Marlo is also there helping his group in mixing cement before layering it in between hollow blocks.

“I don’t know. Maybe? He must’ve known since news travels fast but he never contacted me so why should I always be the one to come to him?” He’s evidently mad at Zeke for reasons unknown to me. “It’s unfair to me. All he thinks about is work.”

“You know how heavy the responsibilities that come along with his position are. Being the military commander is never an easy job so cut him some slack.”

“Yeah, whatever.” He dismissed me, knowing well that I’ll go down a spiral of scolding. “Good luck later, (Y/N).” He ruffled my hair and I jerked my head away from his hand.

“Stop! I am your captain, you can’t treat me like a child. And you’re ruining my hair.” I complained, fixing stray strands on my head.

~•~•~•~

“Fuck, I can’t find my flashlight.” I groaned while double checking my bag. I swear I took one from the office. The bag itself isn’t big, it’s a subtle backpack we use in the military but it’s small. We don’t want the people in colony 3 to see us with big military bags.

My earpiece rang and I hurriedly answered after a string of panicked curses. “Captain, they’re all ready in ten minutes. They’re waiting for you.” Armin’s voice came from the other end.

“Yes, yes. Let me just find…” I paused, blindly reaching for things under my bed until my hand landed on a hard handle. “…found it! I’ll be there in a minute, Arlert.” I put the flashlight inside my bag and sped down the stairs.

When I arrived at the plaza, a lot of soldiers and civilians were already there (the latter having no clue what was going on). Mike, Flagon, and Nifa were there and Levi…he always looks good in uniform and for some reason his hair was styled. Levi styling his hair in front of his mirror is a funny picture in my head.

The ‘wall’ was almost done except for a hole in the right corner that they purposely left for us to go through. It will be sealed once we’re on the other side.

Hange wasn’t there, probably busy. Mikasa wasn’t present either, she must be in the infirmary trying to heal her wound. Armin and Erwin are in the control room. But Eren, Connie, Sasha, and Jean were there to see me off.

Connie, Sasha, and Jean waved goodbye to me, not close enough to get physical but Eren, he threw himself at me and engulfed me in a tight bear hug which threw me off guard.

My shoulder tensed but after a second, I relaxed in the hug. A whiff of vanilla invaded my nostrils and it’s a scent I associate Eren with. 

“Be safe out there, (Y/N).” He murmured only for me to hear while he rested his head on top of mine. I guess he’d be on my team. For the first time, it felt good to know someone has your back.

I heard someone clear their throat in an aggressive manner and I instantly broke the hug, fully aware that it came from the commander. With a last glance and smile at Eren, I walked to where the rest of my group were.

“I need to make sure everyone knows the plan,” we huddled in a small circle as Levi spoke. “We go through our bridge that’s connected with colony 2 and when we enter their colony, do not interact with anyone. Erwin will be the one to contact them about our bridge and the results of this mission. Once we cross the bridge that connects colony 2 and 3, I will be the one doing the talking so that we could get in. Don’t act suspicious, our front is that we’re only there for a visit. We go back home through the main gate. Is that clear?”

We agreed in a chorus of “Yes, sir!”

“You may take your leave now.” Erwin’s voice came through our earpieces.

Levi was the first to go through the hole, I followed, then Mike and Nifa until Flagon was the last one. We walked in silence, talking was unnecessary unless it’s about the mission.

The bridge is long, considering the distance between colonies is far. At the far end, a right turn is visible and that part of the bridge is already colony 2’s territory. The length that starts from the turn until the gates of colony two is the same length from the turn to ours.

“I’ve already talked to Yelena.” If I wasn’t a trained soldier, I would probably jerk in surprise at Erwin’s voice suddenly in our earpiece. “The guards are expecting you, you’ll be able to pass without any hassle.”

“Copy.” I heard Levi answer back at the front.

We continued walking. Nifa was murmuring words beside me but it was too low that I couldn’t catch a word she says.

I let her be but it was already 5 minutes later but she was still mumbling. “Nifa!” I whisper-shouted at her direction and that pulled her out of her trance. “What are you mumbling over there? It’s quite distracting.” 

“I’m sorry, Captain.” She apologized meekly. “I’m memorizing the plan in my head.”

“Stop it. You’ve memorized it a couple of times already.” I complained. If she starts panicking soon, I’ll personally send her back home. I don't need anyone trying to start unnecessary panic within the team.

We went back to being silent and kept on walking. I could hear Mike occasionally sniff the air as if he was looking for the first signs of trouble. It seems like all is well— Mike being completely relaxed behind Levi.

We finally took the turn and at a far distance, we could see three guards at the gate. Their attention was on us but we didn’t feel any intimidation as we walked at a steady pace.

When the gate was only a few yards away, I can now recognize familiar faces. The first one I saw was Bertolt Hoover, followed by Porco Galliard in the middle and Annie Leonhart at the right.

“I take that our President has already talked to yours?” Levi spoke when we were right outside, only the sliding gates (that were made out of bars so you can see what’s on the other side) were between the two groups. “So I’m assuming we get to pass.”

“No, you may not.” Porco answered and he was dead serious that even Levi might’ve been shocked. 

Okay, now I’m starting to panic. There’s no plan B. Are we just supposed to force our way past them and run until we get to the other bridge? I looked back to check on Nifa to make sure she’s not having a panic attack if Erwin’s plan failed.

Flagon was furious. In my peripheral vision, I saw his hand move on top of his holster and I would fucking shoot him myself if he does something without thinking. 

Levi was ready to fight for our right to pass when Porco burst out laughing like a madman. Bertolt side eyed him and laughed but it was obvious he was confused as well. Annie had a poker face during all of this exchange.

“I was just kidding.” Porco managed to say through a series of laughter, he bent over with his hands on his knees. “You should’ve seen your faces.” He pointed at Levi who clearly wasn’t amused with any of this. He took his keys from inside his pocket and unlocked the smaller door. 

Levi was pissed and shoved Porco out of the way, the latter raised his hands up in the air in surrender, a way of saying he’s not trying to start a fight with the commander.

“Next time you joke about something this serious, I’ll put a bullet between your eyes.” He paused to say that in front of Porco and walked away. 

Porco groaned when he was sure Levi couldn’t hear him anymore. “That guy has a problem with everything. He must be fun at parties.” 

I was the last one to enter the gate and I gave a short bow to the three soldiers of colony 2. “You’re always too formal, come here you.” Porco side hugged me while ruffling my hair. 

I swatted his hand away from my head and quickly arranged my disheveled hair.  “We’re not here to play around, Galliard. We have serious business.”

“Pfft.” The soldier rolled his eyes. “Like I always say, (Y/N), you might now be the captain but you’re still the little girl I remember.”

“Stop being creepy, Porco.” Annie’s voice came behind me. “It’s nice to see you, Captain.”

“(Y/n),” Bertolt greeted me with the soft smile he always wears.

I did miss them. I did miss going to colony 2 but since I got my position, I’m needed more in our colony so the interactions with them grew less and less

“L/N!” Levi called back to me when he realized I wasn’t following them and stopped for a minor chat. “This isn’t time for some reunion.” He walked back to where I was and took me by the arm. “I told you not to interact with anyone while we’re on a mission.”

I threw an apologetic look at my friends’ way that I can’t stay any longer and they returned it with an understanding nod, knowing how Levi is. 

We kept walking through their plaza to the gate that leads to the last bridge. Mike is now leading our group while Levi and I are now behind them. He dropped his grip on my arm and whispered in my ear but it’s subtle that no one would notice.

“I haven’t reprimanded you yet about Jaeger hugging you when I implicitly told you I don’t want you near him and now this? Are you going to give every single man you see a hug?” His voice came out harsh and I knew he was pissed for real.

“They’re just friends.” I justified myself. “They don’t see me more than that. I haven’t seen Porco and the others in a while so it was a normal interaction.

“For you, that’s how you see it.” He clicked his tongue. “But I know how the minds of men work.”

‘Because that’s also how you think?’ That’s what I wanted to say but didn’t.

We fell into silence once again as we walked through the busy plaza. Although it was already nighttime, there were still many civilians shopping in the area. The place is crowded and lively as ever. 

I could smell the aroma of different foods that are being sold in stalls. There’s a bakery in the corner and I would give anything to convince Levi we can stop for a while for a quick munch but I didn’t want to get yelled at in public. So I suppressed my cravings for another time.

“Leviiii!” I heard voices calling Levi’s name somewhere in the crowd and the next thing I saw were 2 tiny persons engulfing the commander in a tight embrace, almost tackling him to the ground.

A brunette girl with a blonde boy was hugging Levi tightly. He was caught off guard at first and confused at what’s happening but the moment he realized it was Gabi and Falco, he instantly relaxed.

Those kids adore him and Levi was definitely not affectionate or showy but they knew that too. The group stopped at a bench a bit further from us when they saw the kids greet Levi.

“Are you here to see us?” Falco asked and they gave him the puppy eyes. 

These kids are already training to be soldiers, they’re childhood and youth already taken away from them. Levi knows this and that’s probably why he sympathizes with them as much as his cold heart can and I wondered if he did with me while I was young too. 

“No. We’re just passing by; we have a mission.” Levi explained to the two that are still attached to his hip. “But I’ll visit you guys soon, don’t worry.”

That was a lie. Our bridge is already sealed, these kids won’t be seeing a glimpse of him for a longer time.

“You promise?”

“Yeah, I promise.”

All Levi Ackerman does is lie.

Chapter Text

“But can you at least eat a snack with us, pleeaaasee.” Gabi begged Levi with her eyes and Falco followed her actions which made Levi sigh. Our team was looking back at us, waiting and I could sense the hesitation in Levi.

Levi kneeled down so he could be at eye level with the two while I was standing there, unsure, and the rest of the team (just Flagon) was signaling us to hurry up.

“I can’t stay for long. We’re here for an important mission so that means I have to leave. I promise I’ll eat with you next time.” I’m not gonna lie, it was amusing to see Levi try to talk in a soft and patient manner. From what I know, he’s not that fond of children but Gabi and Falco would always follow him around every time he’s in colony 2 so they grew on him.

“But you promised that last time too.” Falco seemed like he wouldn’t take a ‘no’ for an answer. “You promised us that. If you won’t eat with us, then you’re a liar.”

Levi stood back up and a sigh escaped him once again. He looked down at the kids who were begging him relentlessly and shifted his gaze to our team who was waiting for his order to resume walking. 

Sighing for the third time, “Okay, I’ll buy you some.” Both of them hugged him in joy and Gabi jumped giddily saying “Yay! Levi’s buying us some food.” to which Levi replied. “Ten minutes.” That’s the amount of time he can waste for side quests.

I mouthed the words ‘ten minutes’ to our team to tell them we’re having a short break and I can see Flagon talk to Mike with aggressive hand gestures, the latter only listening. of course he would complain, he makes complaining his entire personality.

“Come with us, captain!” Falco grabbed my hand and started running, dragging me behind him. Gabi and Levi are already a few feet ahead of us and again, it is amusing to see him get dragged around by a ten-year-old.

The kids dragged us to a stall that sells pizza, they knew that it was the commander’s favorite, though he doesn’t eat it often, insisting that we’re all eating food that’s garbage. “What flavor do you want?” Falco asked him. 

Levi grumbled while he looked at the menu, the list of pizza toppings were long and he looked undecided. We waited for him to answer, even the old lady who owned the stall was patiently waiting for him until he just gave up. “I’ll have what you’re having.” He turned to me.

As a result, the kids (and the lady’s) attention shifted to me. “Uhm…” I trailed, looking intensely at the menu. “We’ll have two margherita pizzas and… what do you guys want?” 

Falco wanted cheese and cheese while Gabi wanted a pepperoni pizza. I was about to remind her that we can’t have pepperoni because we don’t have pork anymore when I suddenly remembered that the swine flu outbreak only happened in our colony—colony 2 still has their healthy pigs in their barn. 

The nice lady heated up the pre-made pizzas, putting it inside the oven, and told us that it’ll be ready after 5 minutes, to which Levi mumbled a complaint under his breath and pulled out money inside his bag. While we were waiting, we sat at a nearby table.

I looked for the rest of our team in the crowd and I saw Mike sitting down on a table sipping a cup of coffee while Nifa was trying to make Flagon eat something that I can’t identify in the distance.

“We missed you! You haven’t visited us in two months. We thought you didn’t wanna be friends with us anymore.” Gabi pouted at Levi to which the older made a disapproving face.

“Yeah, ‘cause I have a lot of fucking free time to have a tea party with children in another colony.” That was his attempt at a sarcastic joke but I nudged him with my elbow and looked at the kids in front of us.

I heard Falco gasp. “Stop speaking bad words, Levi. Captain won’t like it.” 

“Tssk, why would I care if she’ll like how I talk or not?”

“Here we go.” The lady came to our table with a tray with four pizzas on it. I thanked her before setting down the plates to their rightful owners.

“Because she’s your girlfriend!” Gabi exclaimed out of nowhere. As a reflex to the sudden Levi slapped his hand on the girl’s mouth to shush her. She didn’t like Levi’s reaction and bit his hand.

“Fu— you bitc— bit… you bit me.” He stopped himself a second away from actually cursing a child. “Shut up, don’t say things like that in public.” He wiped his palm on his pants.

“Why? But that’s the truth.” Gabi insists and I bite my tongue to stop myself from turning red. “You’re dating each other.” 

“No, we certainly are not. Who told you that?” Levi had his eyebrows scrunched, wrinkling his forehead, ready to scold them for the fake information. I know we’re not dating, but…it felt like something pinched my heart, it was small and it didn’t hurt much but nonetheless,  

I felt it.

“We thought you guys were.” Falco looked at me for clarification, waiting for my reply. Three eyes were staring back at me, two wanted me to say yes but the other threatened me to tell the truth.

I caught Levi’s earpiece glowing blue but he hastily pressed to turn it off. “No, we’re not. We’re just colleagues.” Again, it turned blue but he didn’t accept the incoming call.

“Oh.” Gabi said disappointedly. “We all thought you were together together.”

“Who the fuck is we?” Levi asked and he was not excited to find out the people had their assumptions about us.

I heard ringing in my earpiece and Levi gestured to me to answer it. “This is the Captain speaking.” I stated after I clicked the answer button.

“Where are you? I’ve been trying to contact you all and no one is answering.” I glanced at Mike and the rest, they chewed their food as they looked back at me, not wanting to face Erwin’s wrath on their own. “Even Levi is not answering.”

Erwin wasn’t shouting but he did sound mad. “Sorry, sir. We had a ten minute break but we’ll be leaving shortly.”

“Having a break was not on the plan.”

“Relax, Erwin.” Levi spoke from across the table. He couldn’t hear what Erwin was saying to me but he knew that he was mad. “Colony 2 is not going anywhere. The mission can wait for five more minutes.” 

I heard the president sigh in defeat and he ordered something to Armin but the mic didn’t catch it. “Then eat faster, you better not spend a second more.” The line died and I looked at my watch.

“Four minutes left guys, then we’re leaving.”

Whines were heard from Gabi and Falco. “You guys are always too busy.” Falco said, his mouth forming in another pout. 

“I’m sorry kiddos but that’s just our job.” I paused to rub Gabi’s back to comfort her. “We’ll surely visit soon and I promise I’ll be the one to treat you guys to some snacks.” 

Another lie again. I don't know who already has information about the entrance to our bridge being sealed but judging by the oblivion in their eyes, it wasn’t public information yet.

I ate the rest of my pizza while Levi had already finished his first. Gabi and Falco looked satisfied with their fill and thanked the commander again. I kept glancing at the team and I caught Mike looking at me and pointing at his watch, nonverbally telling me that we already wasted time.

Levi stood up from the chair and Gabi and Falco immediately knew what it meant. “Get your stuff, it’s time to go.” He told me before turning his attention to the other two. “You can always call me through the radio.”

Gabi rolled her eyes. “As if Reiner would let us anywhere near the control room. He says we might get in trouble.” She looked at our surroundings before turning down her voice in a whisper. “Zeke would get mad.”

“Pfft.” Levi huffed and I knew what was coming. “Zeke is an asshole. He’s a monkey in a military uniform.” He smiled cruelly as if he was picturing his description in his mind.

“Shhh!” Falco pressed his pointer finger to his lips to make Levi stop talking. “He hates it when others talk bad about him.”

“Yeah, and that’s why he hates me.” Levi picked up his bag that was placed on the bench. “We have to go before Erwin screams in my ear.” 

Levi walked out first while I took my belongings and caught up with him.

“Reiner!” Gabi exclaimed happily as she caught sight of her cousin, running to him before hugging his torso in a tight hug. Falco followed her and greeted the man politely.

Reiner glanced at me and Levi. “I apologize on behalf of our colony that we cannot send our men with you.” I was about to tell him that it was nothing but he continued. “Yelena and Erwin talked and your president insisted that you guys have everything handled.”

“Yeah.” Levi replied but his tone was trailing, buying himself time to think about his next words. “We’re leaving now.”

I studied his face but as expected, it doesn’t show what he’s thinking. I, on the other hand, was confused— Erwin never mentioned he talked to Yelena and I was wondering why it only seemed like it was our problem when colony 2 should be more worried. Now, Erwin is sending us when it should be the soldiers in colony 2.

“You’ll visit us soon, right?” Gabi looked up at him and I saw Reiner gave us a look that translates to ‘Don’t give them false hopes.’ He already knows.

 Levi answered with a pat on Gabi and Falco’s head and just like that, he started walking away. “Talk to you soon, Reiner.” I said and he nodded. I gave the kids one last smile before following Levi.

While Levi walked, the rest of our team noticed and I saw them getting their things. Levi raised his hand and swiped two fingers in the air, motioning them to head over the entrance of the bridge.

When we walked closer to the entrance, I couldn't brush off the feeling that something bad might happen. I have a strong instinct and right now I’m hoping I don’t.

I still glance over at Mike from time to time, when something is about to go wrong, he’ll be the first person to know.

We left through the gate, the soldiers guarding the area let us pass without any question and it wasn’t long until we were walking inside the bridge. 

This one was visibly unkept compared to the first one— some of the lights hanging from the ceiling were broken which made some areas dark. There was dirt and grime on the floor and walls. Levi scoffed when he passed by a particular part of the wall where he noticed actual mold growing.

This part of the bridge was already in Colony 3’s territory and it was the dirtiest. “They can’t even bring a mop and clean their own shit.” The commander clicked his tongue and complained about the place.

“Maybe they got busy?” Nifa asked but even to me, I know within myself that it couldn’t be a justification. 

“Busy with what?” Flagon asked sharply, not liking the situation of the place either. No one replied to that but we were all finding a reason as to why.

It might be a minor problem but it’s also a minor detail. Colony 3 would always go out of their way to look presentable. Usually they wouldn’t really be involved with Colony 1 and 2, they would always keep to themselves but they never declined a call from us. 

That is why when they went radio silent, both colonies were confused and it went from confusing to alarming when no one had heard from them in almost a month.

There were puddles on the ground from leaking from the pipes and that just showed how untidy the place was. The feeling I had in my gut grew. Something isn’t right and I’m not sure if I want to find out.

We walked closer and closer to the entrance and the lights in this part of the bridge were all dead. I heard rusting in the front which made me take my gun out from the holster. 

A beam of light followed and it was just Nifa taking her flashlight out to light our way. The darkness must’ve made her feel uneasy.

“Turn it off.” Levi hissed in a whisper. Nifa got surprised by Levi’s sudden voice which almost made her drop the light but caught it before it hit the ground. She hastily put it back in her bag.

“But sir, we can’t see a thing in the dark. It would be wiser if we had the light on.” Nifa reasoned but if I listen closely, I can hear the shake in her voice. She’s scared. A normal human reaction. It’s the fear of the unknown.

“If something isn’t right, you don’t want to give out our location, do you?” I heard Levi’s voice answer, he’s just beside me, probably closer than I thought.

“No, sir.” 

We kept on walking and just like before, we can see an orange glow in the distance but it's still too small. The plaza is still too far away to actually see what’s going on inside through the gate. But the lights are on, maybe that’s a good sign.

“Don’t make a sound while you’re walking.” Flagon’s voice came from the front and the sound of footsteps softened, that means we’re walking at a slower pace to prevent making a sound.

I can now sense how uneasy everyone is, we were not making any sound as much as possible. Everyone knows just by common sense that something feels out of place. No, something is wrong and I have to drag my feet just to keep moving forward. My senses are telling me to go back.

The closer we walk, the bigger the gleam of light gets, a sign that we are getting closer to our destination. 

“Get your gun out.” I flinched when Levi suddenly whispered in my ear, not expecting him to do so. For some reason, it sent a shiver down my spine and my palms started to sweat. 

I did what he told me, gripping the handle of my gun tightly with my right hand. I was not feeling great, I felt nauseous and I’m getting all sweaty. The fear of not knowing what we’re getting into is getting to me. The darkness isn’t helping, the lack of noise and silence aren’t either.

I felt something touch my wrist and I instantly knew it was Levi’s hand holding me. He must’ve felt that I wasn’t comfortable. 

I wanna go back so bad. I want to go back. I have to, I need to. But I can’t. Levi’s hold is guiding me to walk, my steps were faltering and my heels started to ache with every step I take.

The orange light is getting bigger and I can’t help but to imagine what we would find when we get there. Erwin thinks they’re scheming behind our backs but what would they possibly want? Our food? Resources and supplies? So what? We are capable of fighting them if that’s what they want.

No, what’s the worst case scenario? An outbreak. The worst case scenario would be us walking in the middle of an outbreak and getting infected then we’re all going to die here. 

Is that what Erwin was thinking? Is that why he wants us to go through the main gate so he can shut the door in our faces, leaving us to die in the harsh weather outside? I don’t even know what to think anymore at this point. 

The sound of loud static shot in my left ear where my earpiece was. The others must’ve heard it too since I felt flinches and heard groans. It was loud and it hurt my ear. 

“…nection was lost…things…you there?” Erwin’s voice came in and it was choppy, his words unclear. His voice came in and out and I can’t decipher a clear sentence from him. “…you copy?” His voice kept glitching.

“Signal is shit here, I can’t hear you well.” Levi whispered in the piece and the president’s voice answered half a minute later.

“Arlert fixing… the signal…can’t…stabilize…” I ripped off my earpiece and shoved it in my pocket. The sound was too painful; it was nothing but a jumble of words, static, and feedback. Whatever Erwin has to say, Levi will still be relaying it to the group.

“Call us back when you find a better signal.” Levi turned the connection off and now Erwin can wait for our report when we get home. If we get back. “Impatient piece of shit.” 

“Why did you stop?” Levi asked everyone when the footsteps completely stopped, the others waiting for Erwin’s command. “Keep moving.”

Judging by the light and our position, I’m guessing around eight more minutes until we’re at the gate. The bags are getting heavy but I’m still able to carry them without complaints; this is what training was for.

There’s approximately four more minutes left when Mike suddenly halted his steps and extended his arms sideways to refrain anyone from taking a step more. I knew it was him because I could hear him sniffing the air. 

This isn’t good. My nightmares are confirmed when Mike did this. Something is fucking wrong and I want to LEAVE. 

“What is it?” If the quiver of my voice was obvious, they ignored it. 

“Iron.” 

I almost screamed when Levi suddenly pushed me to grab Mike. I was on edge and the slightest sound of the slightest movement might send me running away. I’m scared. I’m the captain but I’m scared for my life. I have never been this scared, not even when there were multiple outbreaks before.

“What do you mean ‘Iron’?” Levi pressed and he was demanding an explanation from Mike.

“Commander, maybe we should—” Nifa was shaking, I couldn’t see her but I could hear her shaking and she didn’t even try to hide her fear. This isn’t right. If one person would show that they’re scared, everyone would be as well. 

“Shut it, Nifa.” Flagon whisper-yelled at her and she instantly silenced herself, swallowing what she was about to say.

“Iron.” Mike repeated, pausing to keep sniffing the air. “Heavy amount of Iron. Lots and lots of it.” I heard him change his stance. “It’s so thick you can’t smell it?” He sounded almost confused that a normal nose can’t smell what he can. If he expects us to smell it then there must be a ridiculous amount of it.

I sniffed the air and I heard everyone starting smelling too. If I inhaled too hard, I could almost smell the rust. The rust, the metallic scent, a scent that smells so familiar, I should know what it’s frequently associated with. 

I sucked my breath harder with every inhale, chasing the scent with my nose. One particular inhale and the scent punched me in the face so hard, I could taste it in my mouth. In my mouth— I froze, recognizing it. Iron.

My body stiffened, I wanted to run. I wanted to go back but I was frozen. I couldn't move my legs but the grip on my gun tightened and it started to hurt my palm.

“Hey.” Levi pressed a hand on my back, a failed attempt at soothing me. “What is it?”

“Blood.” I answered softly, the energy vanished from within me. “Lots and lots of blood is what he meant.”

Silence. No one muttered a word. We stayed like that for almost a minute, everyone letting it sink in them. Curiosity turned into confusion until the confusion morphed into fear. Solid, tangible fear.

Somebody was rustling in front and I knew it was Nifa. She’s a skilled soldier but clearly unseasoned. She experienced outbreaks but not as a soldier so she wasn’t front and center. Makes me wonder why Erwin would make her come with us in this stupid mission.

“I n-need to leave. I—” I have to go home.”

God, she’s going to have a panic attack and she’s going to set us back. “Hey,” I tried to catch her attention. “You can’t go back now, the bridge is sealed and you have to go through the main gates. We can’t go with you and we can’t leave yet either.” I tried to explain the situation as best as I could.

“Breathe, calm down.” Levi was nowhere near sensitive. Nifa is a second away from losing her shit and his tone was one with “Shut up and suck it.”

“N-no…” I’m assuming she’s shaking her head. “There’s no reason why we have to go there—”

“Lower your voice down.” Flagon hissed at her.

“No, I won’t calm down, I can’t fucking calm down.” She tried to catch her breath. She must be crying now, she’s hyperventilating. 

“Nifa.” I called her again. “We can’t leave. What if they need our help? What if there was an accident and we can help. We need to go.” I was gaslighting myself with my own words too.

“She’s right.” Levi said. “We need to see what the hell is happening there. It’s too late to go back now. We need to move.”

Nifa started to calm down, realizing the truth with what I said. I might’ve convinced her but I’m not sure if I convinced myself. We walked at a slow pace again and the more we did, the more I could smell blood. It’s making me more nauseous.

What happened here? Did they all die out of nowhere? One thing I’m sure of, this is not the cause of an outbreak. I’m standing with the theory that if there was, they would try to contact everyone for extra help.

Less than a minute and we’re at the gate, I can already see the plaza and the orange lights that illuminate the place. There’s no guards at the gate to greet us or ask our purpose. There was no one. 

We’re at the gates now and there’s no one in sight. The gate was chained with a padlock and it was boarded up rather poorly as if someone tried to seal the place but ran out of time. 

On one of the boards , written in chalk with a poor handwriting were the words “Deus non est hic.” No one minded it since it was a language we don’t speak.

“L/N, pick the lock.” Levi ordered me and I dropped my bag on a dry area on the ground, opened it and looked for a paper clip. I blindly rummaged through my things until I felt it.

I stood back up while I unfolded the clip until it was straight and I made a small curve—a dent small enough it could still fit inside the keyhole. I inserted it while Levi looked from my shoulder. I slid it back and forth until I heard the latch click and the lock opened. 

“Slowly.” Flagon reminded me and I wanted to shove the clip down his throat. His voice was irritating and he would be better of mute.

I took the lock and I pulled the chain slowly, making sure to not make it rattle against the steel gates. I placed both of them down and took my bag.

Levi stepped in front and slowly opened the gate, there was indeed no one. The plaza was empty when it should be the busiest spot. I can now see Levi and the others clearly and it was a sight for sore eyes.

Everyone was squinting, we walked a long way in total darkness and now the lights were right in our eyes. When we have fully adjusted, we observed the state of the plaza. It’s clean.

The benches and tables are arranged nicely, the stalls still have products up for sale with all the equipment left behind. The stalls that were selling food were still there on display, some already have molds. It’s weird. It’s neat but dusty, things are just there collecting dust.

I can’t see blood anywhere and by the looks of it, we’re all looking for the exact same thing: dead bodies. With that alleged amount of blood, we were kind of expecting dead bodies littered everywhere. But there wasn’t anyone.

Somehow, I would rather have dead bodies everywhere than to continue searching in the unknown. Things just keep getting weirder and weirder. The connection with Erwin was still lost and I’d rather have him scream in my ear right now.

“Take your guns out.” I told them, Levi has his already out. The others looked at me, questioning what I meant. “Just in case.” I added, I don’t want them to think we’re about to shoot anything that moves.

We walked closer to the staircase that leads to the second floor in section 1. “You think we’ll find people up there?” I asked.

Mike smirked. “It’s section 1. It’s filled with greedy elites. In case of an emergency, they’ll put themselves first.” He chuckled, too sure with his theory.

“Fine, let’s go that way.” Levi pointed at section 1. I looked back behind us to scan the plaza one more time. I don’t know, I kept expecting to see someone but it remained empty.

I was the first one to step on the stairs and I was only on the fourth step when Mike spoke.

“Stop, stop.” He said in a hushed whisper but I can hear the panic underneath it. 

“What now?” Levi sounded done and he just wanted to get over this. “We don’t have all day, Mike.”

“There.” He pointed down at the door that leads to the dungeon. It’s the same place, same layout of ours. “That’s where we’ll find them.”

“Find who?” Nifa asked.

“Blood. The stench of blood is coming from down there.” 

“Are you sure?” Levi questioned.

Mike nodded in return. “Positive.”

We all went down the stairs silently. “I’ll go first, Flagon you go last.”

“Why does it have to be me?” The man groaned in annoyance and as expected, he complained once again.

“Do you have a problem with that?” Levi challenged him and Flagon’s face crumpled, not liking that he was reminded about the hierarchy again.

“No, commander.” He mocked the title but Levi didn’t have time to make comments about it. Flagon went last, we were forming a line. Levi, Mike, me, Nifa, and Flagon.

Levi opened the door ever so slowly, the staircase was dark, the light that should be there was broken and now we’re going down the stairs blindly. 

“Hold onto the handrails so you won’t slip.” Levi gave instructions but it was too quiet that I’m not sure Flagon heard it all the way to him. If he slipped, he would be doing us all a favor anyway.

We took one step at a time, moving systematically. If we felt that the person in front of us took a step down, then we would follow, that way we won’t bump into each other.

We’re close to the last few steps when I put my foot down in the wrong position and applied weight on it. My hand slipped from the rails and all of my weight was on my foot. 

I released a frightened squeak, scared that I would fall all the way down but I bumped on to something hard. Mike was there and luckily he was able to catch me. I felt him turn around to face him.

I felt pain rush to my ankle and I knew it was sprained. He helped to adjust me, not leaving until I was standing straight on my own.

“Thanks.” I thanked him once I was already standing up straight.

“Be careful.” He said before walking back down the stairs. I knew Levi heard it but he didn’t care to comment, he was focused.

The stairs took forever but everyone is now on the ground. I remembered this layout but I can’t see well, in this hallway there’s only a small light in the middle that’s still working. It hangs up on the ceiling with the rest of the broken lights.

There’s still no sign of people but Mike was right. There’s no doubt that the smell is coming from down here. It’s foul and it reminded me of the dead pigs from the barn but this was worse, I don’t know how it’s possible but it’s true.

I took a step but something splashed on my shoes and pants. Water? Are there also pipe leaks down here? Then that must be a contributor to the smell. I remember I put a small flashlight in my pocket. It wasn’t big so the light would be just enough to illuminate what’s in front of me.

I clicked the rear to turn it on and the light was too small to see what’s on the end of the hallway. It was flickering, a sign that tells me that I need to change its batteries soon. 

It kept flickering and I hit it against my palm, the light stabilized and I could see Mike’s face while I flashed it directly on his face. He squinted, putting his hand in front to cover himself. I chuckled at his reaction.

“Turn off the goddamn lights.” Levi got mad. “You don’t know what’s out there. This isn’t the time for games.” 

“Alright, fine.” I rolled my eyes knowing he couldn't see it. I was going to turn it off but I made the mistake of directing the light on the floor. It slipped from my hand as Nifa gasped and it hit the floor, splashing more blood on me.

It’s not a pipe leakage. It’s blood. The floor is covered with blood. It’s everywhere, covering every surface. When the flashlight hit the floor, the sound traveled and echoed through the walls. 

In a flash, Levi bent down to pick it up and turn it off. He was also panting, the fear finally caught him but that’s just me thinking. Everyone did not move a muscle, waiting for the worse.

But there was nothing. 

“Let’s move.”

“We’re still going?” Nifa frantically asked. If she was permitted to leave, no doubt she would bolt up the door within seconds.

We walked down the hallway, extra carefully. I don’t want to have blood on me again. I was too focused on my steps and covering my nose that I didn’t hear Levi telling us to stop and as a consequence I bumped into Mike again. I was going to apologize but he patted my shoulder.

We were right down the corner and the hallway would lead us to turn left but we stopped. I was confused at first as to why but then I heard it.

It’s a slow thumping sound. Something heavy hitting something hard in a steady place. Thump… Thump…Thump.

“L/N, you’re going with me. The rest of you stay here.” He beckoned me to come over but I shook my head, telling him I want to stay. He grabbed me by the arm and dragged me to turn right. 

He must’ve noticed that I’m trailing behind or I’m walking slow. He took a good look and noticed I’m limping. “Fuck, I forgot.” He whispered under his breath but I caught it. “It’s fine, too late now.”

He held my arm, I don’t know if he’s doing it whether to give me support or to keep on dragging me. The thumping sound was still there and it grew louder as we grew closer.

There’s a clearing at the end, there will be a left turn. and a space for something, in our colony, it’s a place for the guards to rest. I’m just not sure what Colony 3 made out of it.

We’re at the corner where the sound was the loudest. Levi took a peek, he looked for less than ten seconds and decided he had seen enough. 

“We’re leaving. We’re going back.” He calmly said before taking my arm again.

“Why? What did you see?” Levi was pushing to continue this mission and now he suddenly wants us to leave?

“The mission is over, there’s no one to help.” He insisted, he was still calm but there’s urgency in his voice. “Come on.” He urged me to walk. “Silently.”

“Levi, what did you see?” I asked him but he brought a finger to his lips, telling me to keep my voice down. No, now I wanted to find out. I moved to take a peek but he grabbed my bag and pulled me to stop me from doing so. 

I grabbed his hand from my bag so I’m free to move. He stood back and let me do as I pleased. I peeked, only my eyes were out and squinted so I could see. 

My body went fully rigid at what I saw. There’s a wooden table and there’s a figure standing more than six feet tall.

A butcher. That’s where the sound was coming from. It was chopping meat. Except the meat was a thigh, attached to a skinned leg with a feet and a toe missing. It’s human meat. It was butchering humans. 

The limb didn’t look fresh and it was starting to rot, the blood was blackened. To its left, a pile of stacked limbs are present and there were flies feasting on the flesh.  

The figure had its back turned to us and my head was spinning. I can’t take my eyes off of it, either that or I can’t move. I refuse to believe that what I was seeing is real. 

I felt a hand cover my mouth, preventing me from screaming. Levi had his hand on my mouth and his other one supporting my side. I don’t think I could scream.

“We’re leaving.” He repeated. 

Chapter Text

My blood ran cold and my body went stiff as a board. I'm starting to get lightheaded and I could feel how hard my heart was beating in my chest, the vibrations echoing through my rib cage. The air was getting stuffy, it was getting hotter but my sweat and skin grew cold.

The orange light from down here wasn't a lamp  like in the plaza— it's fire but it wasn't spreading, almost like it's the figure's own makeshift lamp.

I didn't realize I was shaking until Levi took his hand from my mouth and placed it on both of my shoulders to turn me to face him. He brought his face closer to my ear. 

"Don't make a sound." He whispered and I was scared his voice was loud enough but the thumping sound never stopped. "Let's go back to the others. We're leaving." He stressed the last part again.

Levi dragged me back but it was slower and quieter this time. He knew I couldn't run with a sprained ankle. Every step I took was painful but I got adrenaline pumping through my veins that I couldn't be bothered by the pain at all. 

Levi had one hand on my arm as we walked and another grazing the wall so we wouldn't get lost as the light from the fire gets dimmer. His own hand was cold on my skin and I wondered if he's as scared as I am.

We kept walking; more like he was while I was limping. It was uncomfortable but I couldn't care, I just wanted to go back to Mike and the others. 

When we got to the end of the hallway, we made a turn to where we left them...except they weren't there. Instantly, the fear inside me tripled, my head turning side to side in search , expecting them to appear from nowhere.

"Shit." Levi cursed when he saw we were left alone. There were two or three working lamps in this hallway, just enough to see things blurred but I don't think that's good now. 

"Where are they?" I asked in a panic, not knowing what the hell we're supposed to do. 

Should we leave without them or try and find them? What if we do try to find them only to find out that they left first without us?

"You think I have a clue on what's going on?" Levi rhetorically asked. I know he doesn't but he can't panic. If he'll start to panic then I would too, it'll be a domino effect. God, I can only imagine what Nifa's doing now. "Let's go."

"We're leaving?" I almost exclaimed. "You can't be serious. We can't leave them here." 

He turned to me, his hand tightened around my arm as he pulled me close to him harshly so he can whisper in my ear again. "So what? You want us to take our sweet time looking for them like we're in some field trip?" 

"But what if they're in danger, Levi?" I interjected. I know we're in danger but we can't just leave our people. What if they need our help? What if we can help?

"That is not our problem anymore. If they can't make it out of here I have to make sure we do."  He dragged me again, down to the poorly lit hallway, back to the bloody puddles but this time, I know now where the blood is coming from and it's only the both of us.

I struggled to keep up with his pace, he was walking faster but still made sure we're not making any noise. I don't understand how he can move fast but so light but that's just how skilled he is.

"Ow." I grunted, the particular step I just made sent pain down my ankles and made it more painful to walk.

"What now?" Levi stopped to get a look at me. He sounded irritated and it feels like I was slowing him down. 

This was not a good thing for me. I'm scared but it's obvious that I'm just slowing him down. If it wasn't for me and my fucked ankle, no doubt he's past the plaza by now. 

Oh god, what if...what if he'll think that too and he'll decide that I'm weighing him down. He's going to leave me too. He's going to leave me. No, he can't leave me. He cant—

I sucked a deep breath and exhaled slowly, I won't let myself have a panic attack in this situation. I'll put us both in danger if I start having one. No, it's starting to get harder for me to breathe.

Although faint, chopping sounds still echoed in the hallway, triggering me to replay the scene I saw: Blood dripping from the table down on the ground. So much blood that it was pooling until it was flowing. Flowing until to where I'm currently standing. Human meat hanging like pigs in a wet market. The smell of  blood and rotting bodies. Mike was right, so much blood that I could almost taste it on my tongue.

"What's wrong—"

"You can't leave me down here." I interrupted him before he could finish asking. "You're not leaving me here, Levi." I'm saying it now before he can even think about it.

"I'm not leaving you, (l/n)." He replied but it was more forced than I'd like it to be. It sounded like he's just saying it to make me shut up.

"No, you don't understand." I continued. "You can't leave me, please. Please, please." I kept begging like a mantra and something wet dripped down my left cheek. I was so scared I didn't notice I was actually crying. "You can't."

I was shaking and sobbing and I couldn't stop even if I tried. I was sobbing because my chest hurt, because I was scared. Yet I don't know if it was because I witnessed what I saw or the thought of Levi actually leaving me and saving his own life. 

"Snap out of it!" He shook me by the shoulder to get my attention. "I'm not leaving you." He repeated again and maybe that was his way of reassuring me. "God, can you be more insufferable? We're going to get killed because of you."

"I'm sorry," I immediately apologized, scared of making him angry on top of everything. 

"Shh." Levi put his hand up between us and I bit my tongue to stop myself from uttering another word. Levi's eyes darted to the end of the hallway from where we took a turn then back to mine. He pointed to his ear. "It stopped."

I looked at him confused while I was still trying to catch my breath, my chest heaving up and down. "What? What stopped?"

"The thudding stopped—it stopped." We were in the middle of the hallway and I felt exposed, like I'm a prey out in the open. I strained my ears to listen closely and Levi was right, the sound stopped.  He moved me closer to the wall with him.

We waited. I don't know what we're waiting for but even Levi was unsure. My back was against the cold, cement wall and it made me shiver. I think we're waiting for what'll happen next.  

Then we heard footsteps. Loud, heavy footsteps echoing through the walls, air, and ceiling and it sounded closer and closer. This triggered my fight or flight instincts. While limping, my hands patted and searched the wall for a door. 

I knew the layout of the dungeons by heart. This hallway is filled with rooms where we keep the prisoners and you'll only see what's inside through a small rectangular glass on the door. 

Levi seemed to know what I was doing and he helped me look for a doorknob, for an open door where we could hide. Maybe this is what Mike and the others did too, maybe they're in one of these rooms.  

The footsteps are undeniably closer but it wasn't in a rush, almost like it's taking its sweet time in torturing us with the suspense. I dragged my palm on the wall, walking further from the exit until I felt a wooden texture; a door.

"Levi." I called the commander, I immediately felt him behind me. I heard a clunk, he found the knob. 

"Locked." He stated. "Give me your dagger." He asked for the dagger he gave me, the one with an emerald stone on the hilt. I bent down to pull it out from my boot and handed it to him. 

He took it carefully and I could hear him pick the lock with it, the metal making a sound while he did.  "Faster." I urged him, turning my head in the direction of the hallways' end. Fuck, I think I saw a shadow casted by the lamp. "Levi, please." Sweat was dripping down the side of my temple.

"Wait." He said it so calmly that it made my blood boil. "I'm trying."

"Levi, I swear to god, if you don't hurry the fuck up-" the latch clicked and I heard him turn the knob. I didn't notice I was holding my breath until I exhaled. Levi turned the knob ever so slowly to avoid making a creaky sound.

When the gap was wide enough that both of us can fit in, he entered the room first, hand not leaving my arm, and pulled me inside. He closed the door, locking it. 

The superficial sense of safety seemed to calm my nerves down but I knew we were nowhere out of the woods. We were engulfed in total darkness, there wasn't any source of light inside the room and the stench is horrendous. The smell is way worse inside here than in the hallway.

"Stay close to me." Levi's voice came from my right, I walked closer to him, finding his presence close brings some kind of comfort to me.

"What was that thing we saw?" I asked, I can finally speak freely now that we're inside but I keep my voice to a minimum. 

"Probably the reason why we haven't heard anything from colony 3."

"You think someone got out alive?"

"No, everyone's dead." Levi said that so confidently like it's a fact.

"How can you be too sure? What if some people are still alive and they're just hiding?" I cling to his arm for support, it hurts to stand. 

"Look, logically if someone got out of here alive, they would have gone to colony 2 and asked for help. But we haven't seen or heard of any cases." 

I stayed quiet, processing the situation and trying to come up with a possible answer while Levi peeked through the glass to see if somebody was coming with only the lamp's shadow as his guide. 

"Or...they could've gone to colony 1."  I answered. 

"Huh? What are you saying?"

"Dahlia...Faye Jaeger." I answered back. Those names were relevant just this month but it felt like forever since we've opened up these cases and until now they're still unanswered. But I think, it's all connected.

"How are those cases connected here?" Levi asked.

"Those things eat people, Levi." I referred to what we saw just minutes ago. I waited for him to get where I'm going and as if a light bulb switched on in his head, I heard him inhaled deeply. That might've been a bad idea since it reeked here.

"Faye Jaeger..." He trailed and I waited for him to continue but instead, he wanted me to confirm what he was thinking.

"Faye Jaeger cannibalized a man in section 3." I answered for him. "Dahlia Wagner was found in pieces. I'm guessing that's why her limbs were cut off so she couldn't hurt anyone but Owen loved her too much to put her down."

He didn't speak for a while but the light that seeped through the glass illuminated a part of his face which made it possible for me to see how he looked deep in his thoughts.

"Fucking hell." He cursed. "Fucking Jaeger had to fucking kill the person who knew what was going on. I'll shoot him in the head when I see him." Levi paused before continuing. "If we get back."

"Oh, we have to. I need to shoot Erwin for making us go to a suicide mission."

He chuckled at what I said and I mirrored him. I like how we laugh at things as if we're friends. When the sound of her chuckles died down, we're back to reality— in an abandoned colony, in its dungeons, in a dark room that smelled of death.

"Shh." His faced went from almost relaxed to alerted. I never doubt Levi's senses. His senses are tenfold more sensitive than mine. To see him acting like this, he probably heard something I didn't. 

But then I heard it too.

Those loud footsteps again, loud and heavy, they're ringing in my ear and each thud sounded closer and louder than the previous one. This time, I wasn't frozen but I felt numb. I was experiencing fear since on the way here and I felt numb.

Levi was the opposite though. He left me by the door, both of his arms outstretched in front of him and started to blindly search for things with his sense of touch. He disappeared in to the darkness for a moment as he went deeper in the room. 

He came back to me in less than a minute with the same look of urgency in his eyes. "Come here." He didn't give me the chance to move on my own and pulled me by the arm. I couldn't see a thing here now, the light from the outside only reaching by the door. 

I heard Levi's hand hit something wooden and I knew it was the bed frame. God, the footsteps won't stop. Does it know we're down here? How many of its kind are there?

I don't know what Levi is planning but he took the bag from my shoulder and slipped it down on the floor as he did the same to his. It looks like we're hiding under the bed. This isn't some child's play, some hide 'n seek.

The footsteps stopped and I heard the jingle of keys just right outside the door. Fuck, is it coming inside here? As a reaction, Levi pushed my shoulder down, making me crouch, telling me to get under the bed. 

"Hurry up."

My palms touched the floor and it was wet. My brain just instantly knew that it wasn't water my hands made contact with, it feels too thick to be water. My eyes started to water at how bad the placed smell, no amount of exposure would be enough to desensitize my nose from it.

I ignored how wet the floor was or how bad it smelled. I crawled under the bed and rolled until my back hit the wall to give Levi space. He followed through and both of us were silent. My face was resting on the back of his shoulder—that's how cramped the space was. 

The puddle underneath the bed was bigger, my back was fully soaked from it and my shoulder and arm stayed submerged in half an inch of it. Levi didn't complain, I can only think that it's killing him right now to be in a place so filthy as this.

There was a click and we heard the creaking sound of the door opening. Another click and a light shone through the room; the light was working. I squinted my eyes, adjusting to the now bright surroundings. I can only see half of Levi's face from where I'm lying and I was right: that thick liquid was also blood. 

I wanted to curse our luck. Out of all the rooms here, we picked the one that it's going to enter. I saw a big feet in our line of sight. It walked to steps and stopped in the middle of the room. I'm guessing it was looking around for something. 

I held my breath, I was scared of breathing, I'm scared that we would be seen. The door opened up again and another pair of feet came into sight. There were now two of them.

I can't move and my left shoulder is about to fall asleep as I put my weight on it, it would be painful to move later. There's two of them and we don't know how many of them are there. This place might just be crawling of their kind.

"You smell that?" A voice so low and rough asked. It wasn't good to know that it can speak. I felt Levi tense up at the question.

"Smell what?" The one who just entered asked back.

He was sniffing the air and I was scared that it could smell us. I keep on digging my knees on the ground trying to get away from the edge of the bed but it was useless, my back is already against the wall. 

"It smells like fresh blood in here."  A long inhale followed that sentence. I may not see their faces but something in me tells me they love the smell of it.

As if on cue, Levi turned around to face me and without warning, he scooped the blood on the floor and lathered my face with it. My face jerked away from him, some of the liquid dropped on my lips and I quickly wiped it with the back of my hand. 

He continued to rub some on my neck and my arms. After that he did the same to himself, coating his face and arms with the blackened blood. 

I finally get what he's trying to do. He's masking our scent to make us smell like all the filth here.

"That must be me." The second one said. "I found some humans lurking down here. Hit them in the head and the two of them went limp right away. The bigger one put a struggle but I handled it."

My eyes widened at the realization that they caught Mike and the others. Levi reminded me that I'm not allowed to make any noise or movement. 

"How did they get in here?" The first one complained, angered at the news he received. "Make sure nobody gets out alive. Take the others and keep on searching, maybe there's more of them."

"The plaza was deserted, everyone was upstairs." 

The first one made another grunting sound. "I don't need to tell you how to do your job. Get out of here and find the others." The second one left in a hurry, probably frightened of being punished.  

The first one stayed, his feet just a few inches away from Levi's face, good thing he can't smell us anymore. I heard a noise coming from the bed, he was dragging something. A second later, a severed arm dangled in our view, blood dripping from the arm up to the tips of its fingers. It was so close that I can see the grime inside its nails.

I pursed my lips to refrain myself from screaming, no one would be capable of helping us out except for ourselves. The arm left our line of sight and the figure went out of the room but not without turning the light back off. He must've taken the body with him.  

We stayed there for a good minute only to make sure that it has actually left. I felt Levi shift beside me and the next thing I knew, I can't feel his warmth anymore. But that didn't last long, his hand reached for me and I felt being pulled from underneath the bed.

“They got Mike and the others.” I could finally speak after biting my tongue for so long. “We have to come and get them.” I blindly looked for my back until I felt the strap and pulled it out towards me. I did the same thing for Levi’s and handed it over. 

“No, if they got caught, it’s over for them.” His voice was cold and lacked sympathy. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“Levi.” I exclaimed. “Those are our friends. You can’t be serious.” I shook my head even though I’m not sure if he could see. This was unacceptable to me, I can’t even think of leaving them behind. 

“No! You listen to me and you listen carefully.” He grabbed my arm and shook me as if he thought it would bring some sense to me. “They’ve been caught and we haven’t. We’re not even sure if we can get out of here alive so what makes you think we can rescue them without being slaughtered?” 

“We can’t go back without them.” I repeated, at this point I don’t have a clue what to do or where to start. 

“Fine.” Levi says as he wore the backpack, strapping the ties in his chest to prevent it from falling off. “If you want to go to some rescue mission, alright. But don’t count me in.”

How could he say that? Mike was his friend for a long time. I don’t think Erwin and the others would be pleased if he saw that it’s only us two who made it back. 

I was torn. I obviously don’t want to be dead meat but the thought of just leaving made me sick to my stomach. I was not feeling well and my hands started to grow cold again, it’s getting harder to breathe. 

“Don’t you dare puke, they’ll know we’ve been here.” Levi warned and I’m trying so hard not to. My bones feel tired, my body sore, sprained feet and I couldn’t take the smell anymore. 

“So what’s the plan.” I weakly asked. I crouched by the door while he remained standing. 

“Two options,” He paused. “And none of them would sound good.

“Nothing sounds good from here.” 

“The main gate but the problem is we could be seen. You heard what they said, they on a lookout for us.”

“If we survive getting out of here, I don’t know if we’ll survive the cold outside. Can’t really run in three feet of snow with a sprained ankle.” Going through the main gate did not appeal to me. “And the other option?”

“The vents.”

“The vents?” I echoed. 

“The colonies are connected by air vents.” He explained. “I hope you remember that each room has a vent. The vent in this room won’t be big enough for us so we need to find a bigger one.” 

I released a sigh. “And where would that be exactly.” 

He didn’t answer immediately. 

“The kitchen.”

“The kitchen.” If I had the will, I could laugh at his plan, but nothing could make me right now. “So you want us to go, head first, directly to our deaths.”

“The vent in the kitchen is big enough.” Levi argued but I’m not having it.

“What do you think they’re cooking in the kitchen, Levi?” I wanted to scream and bang my head against the concrete wall. “I’ll take the main gate any day than the kitchen.”

“And if we get caught?”

“We’re soldiers, we can fight.” I reminded him. 

“You forgot about Dahlia Wagner.” He started. “If your theory is correct that she turned to these things then we can’t kill them easily. Dahlia’s limbs were cut off along with her jaw but she’s still alive.”

I went silent. I keep on thinking and thinking, trying to find a better solution with a higher chance of us making it out alive.

“I think I know how to kill them…” I quietly said, still not sure of this new theory I have.

“Still, we can’t kill them. Again, Faye and Dahlia’s cases are connected here. Someone went to our colony and did that. Killing on of them would be war and we won’t be ready for it.”

“What do you want to do? I can’t stand another minute in here.” I felt weak and hopeless. My father didn’t give his life to save me only for me to get slaughtered and eaten. I need to get out of here. 

Levi left me by the door and went to the back of the room again. When he came back, he brought my face closer to him only to spread more blood on me. 

Fuck, I’m going to fucking puke. I pulled my face away from him in protest but he lathered more of it on both of my arms, hand and legs like it was some lotion.

“Stop struggling.” He grumbled, pulling me back to him.

I grimaced at the smell. “What are you doing?” The light hit his face and I can see he did the same method to his self.

“It’s a camouflage plus they won’t smell us from a mile away. If you want to survive then you need to do exactly as I say.” 

I trust him, so there’s nothing more I could do but to let him continue his actions.

“I’ll go out first. I’ll check if it’s good for us to come out. You have to stay here.” He untied his bag and placed it back on the floor next to me.

“Where are you going? You can’t leave me alone here.” Panic  through my veins at the mere thought of being left alone in this room.

“I have to check if the motherfucker is still busy chopping his meat. I don’t want to risk the both of us out in the open and get caught.”

“Are you crazy?! You’re going back there?”

“If we get caught, it’s better that only one of us does.” He placed his hand on the knob but didn’t open the door yet. “The walk to there would only take 5 minutes, or less for me. If I don’t come back within ten, go and leave.”

In a flash, Levi went out of the door and my hands scrambled to lock it as fast as I could. I was left in the darkness, in silence, alone. 

Levi would be fine, he’s the strongest soldier I know. He won’t be killed just like that.

I convinced myself over and over again but my mind drifted to the idea of  ‘what if he got caught?’ ‘What if they killed him and chopped him up for food?’ 

I can’t do this without him, I can’t leave him. I’d rather have Flagon dead than Levi. I can’t do anything without him, let it be here or back home. He’s fucking wrong for leaving me just like that.

But the part of my brain was telling me another thing:

‘What if he left you and saved himself because you’re just going to slow him down. He can get out of here all by himself, but instead he has to think about you. He left you here to rot.’ 

Stop, Levi wouldn’t do that. He’s not the kindest person in the world but he wouldn’t do that to me.

To prove me wrong, a memory played in my head. Back to the time I had to stop searching Wagner’s home because I got a call that the commander was sick. I could clearly hear his words right in my ear as if he was right beside me at that moment. 

“You’d risk your life for me but you forgot that I won’t do the same thing for you.”

Did he really say that? Was that a real memory of him? No, it couldn’t be. He’s not like that. 

But before I could even spiral down the rabbit hole of dark thoughts, the knob turned from the other side, bringing me back to reality. The first thing I felt was fear but I brought myself to peek through the glass slot and what I saw made me feel relaxed.

It was just Levi. Thank god it’s Levi.

I opened the door for him to enter but I noticed he was in a hurry. He took his bag and wore it back on and turned to face me.  

“Turns out he was still busy and I hope he won’t hear us from all of that noise he’s making. We’re going.” He took my hand but I didn’t move yet.

“So what’s the plan?” We talked about a lot of things while we were here and I don’t think he confirmed which option we were taking.

“Main gate. Wear your jacket on.” He answered. I noticed he’s now wearing a thick fur coat. When did he wear that?

I took the huge coat from my bag, it’s what mostly took the space and the bag feels significantly lighter than before.

Levi grabbed my hand again and without pausing, he flung the door open and pulled me outside with him. He closed the door and the feeling of being exposed settled within me once again.

I keep on turning my head to the end of the hallway, always making sure that nobody was there to catch us. Levi didn’t stop walking, he’s walking too fast and I tried my best to keep going despite the pain. 

We’re back on the long staircase and it was dark just like how it was when we got here. The steps are concrete and it was easier to climb up silently.

We were slower on the stairs than we were on the flat ground. I had to double step to avoid putting all my weight on my right feet. Levi knew this and he didn’t bark at me to move faster which I appreciated.

My feet landed on a flat space that told me we were finally on top. “Stay still.” Levi’s voice said and a beam of light came from the door that was ajar, only enough that he could peek from this side.

I can’t see and I give my full trust in Levi’s judgment. I waited for him to say something while still glancing behind me. This time, I can’t see the end of the hallway anymore but for some reason I still kept looking. 

“There’s nobody out there.” He closed the door again to talk to me. “The areas by the wall are poorly lit, we can walk from there. The main gate is just to our left, we have to stay out of sight if ever someone peeks through the floors above us.”  

“Okay.” I confirmed. It wasn’t a great plan but at least it was something we can work with. I’m not a hundred percent confident that this will work but there’s no other option.

Levi opened the door again but this time, a bit wider for us to go through. I slinked to the side of the walls, always making sure that I’m as close to the wall as possible; it made me feel safer.

I can see the main gate from here. In our colony, it’s all boarded up to tell people that it was obviously out of use. In here, they only chained it up. This was the only instance that was in our favor, we could pick any kind of lock. 

We keep pausing to look at our surroundings, making sure we’re not seen. The walk to where the main gate was only took us less than five minutes, that’s how close it was. We hid behind the last pillar and checked the plaza again.

The main gate wasn’t something big or fancy, it was a normal double door that was made with thick wood for sturdiness and I’m hoping the screws aren’t rusted or else it’ll make so much noise.

Levi already took my dagger from his own boot, he never gave it back to me earlier.  He moved closer to the gate but I stayed behind the pillar, letting him do his job. 

I stared at the padlock intensely as he worked on it, I felt that if I keep staring at it, it would speed the process. A noise came from the other side of the plaza pulled me out of the trance. 

Levi heard it too and he stopped what he was doing, crouching down on the ground to hide from behind a table. He’s not completely hidden, the foot of the chairs providing only small coverage. I copied him and crouched, glancing around to see where the noise was coming from.

And then we saw it.

A man, smaller than the one we saw in the dungeons. But he was as ragged looking, a few pieces of his clothes were torn, his hair matted, his skin was dirtied with, what I knew now, blood. They remind me so much of Faye Jaeger that it’s impossible she didn’t come from here. 

The worst part, he was carrying a body. Blood dripped from the persons head down to the floor, leaving a bloody trail as he walked. My eyes widened when I recognized the person he was carrying. 

Nifa.

They got Nifa and he’s moving to the direction of the dungeons. I urgently looked at Levi only to find him already looking back at me. He shook his head, knowing exactly what I was thinking. 

I pleaded with my eyes. Nifa was young and intelligent, it wad unfair for her to die just like this. The man looked like we could easily take him down so I don’t know why Levi is not doing anything. He knows what’s going to happen to here in the dungeons yet he refuses to take actions to prevent it.

The door slams with a loud thud and it’s too late to do anything now. I feel worse than I did before. My legs feel like jelly and I’m so close to breaking down and accepting my fate. 

Levi gave me another stern look which read close to ‘Keep yourself together.’ This mission was a slap to my face that I’m really not cut out to be captain. 

Levi picks the lock again, his slender fingers moving in a rhythm, his aura was confident, being able to do this a hundred times already. 

If Levi hadn’t pulled me to look at what was making the thudding noise in the dungeon, if I was too stubborn that he took Mike with him instead, it would be me that got caught with Nifa and Flagon and something with that thought chills my bones.

Levi finally opened the lock and without missing a beat, he passed me the dagger and I kept in safely in my boot. Slowly but surely, he took the lock and placed it on the floor before pulling the chain, the same thing I did at the bridge.

 Levi wasted no time in pulling me out of here. He had to push the door with all his might, the snow from the other side blocking it and the screws weren’t rusted but frozen. 

I instantly got hit with cold, harsh breeze in the face. It was too dark but all I can feel was cold. Both of my feet were submerged in thick snow and it was tiring to even try taking a few steps. 

“Take your flashlight out!” Levi was screaming but the wind kept on blowing his voice away. 

With trembling hands, I opened my bag in search of a light. The one in my pocket was too small to see what’s in front of us. My hand made contact with the handle and I was sure this was the right item.

I switched it on and the light was too strong, it provided us vision to see a few feet away from us. Levi continued to drag me. Throughout this mission, he has been dragging me nonstop. 

I struggled to keep on running, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care how painful my fucked ankle was, didn’t care that the thick coat isn’t providing enough heat, or that I was a second away from wanting to stop because of fatigue. It was so cold that I think my sweat was frozen and I need to thaw my hair.

The blood on my skin was also freezing and it hurt to stretch my face to talk. None of that matters. All that mattered was we got out alive. The pain kept me from getting sleepy. How ironic would it be to survive all that just to die due to hypothermia? 

It felt like we were running forever. We have been out here for more than fifteen minutes and it was never ending. The adrenaline rush started to leave my body and all I could feel was fatigue and pain. I couldn’t even feel or move my fingers and even Levi started to slow down. 

I felt my lips bleed, the cold made it too dry that moving it tore the skin. It’s fine, it’s going to heal fast. 

“Levi, I cant…” I managed to scream out with all energy left in me so he could hear.

“You’re not dying out here!” He replied. He took the flashlight from me because my hand was shaking so much. “I think I could see our colony. Stay with me! Don’t you dare fall asleep.”

He was right. I think I could see our colony’s building. It was  clean on the inside but the outside point of you was diabolical. So much dirt and rust. 

I had my eyes closed, only relying on Levi dragging me while I fought for my legs to keep on moving. It hurts so much to move a muscle.

“Erwin, open the fucking gates or I’m setting the whole place on fire!”

Levi screaming made me open my eyes just enough that I could see his blurry figure. There’s a blue glow. His earpiece. I forgot about that. I’m guessing the connection out here is more stable than inside colony 3.

“Argh.” A soft grunt left me. I can’t move my legs anymore and the urge to sleep was overtaking me.

“Shit.” I heard Levi curse but it got carried away by the wind that it sounded from far away. 

I felt a thud next to me, he took his bag off. The next thing I felt was my body getting turned over my stomach, my face was already numb enough to not feel the ice on my face. 

Levi took my bag off of me and I felt my body get hoisted up. Is he carrying me on his back? Maybe. That’s cute. I internally smiled at the small action.  

Levi’s skin was also cold and I could feel his body trembling, yet that didn’t stop him from moving. I’ll apologize later to him for the extra hassle.

The colony grew bigger and bigger as we grew closer. I could see a light. The main gate is opened and there were a few people waiting for us though I can’t clearly see their faces. 

I can’t keep my eyes open. I was drifting to sleep. I felt Levi completely stop and I was confused but I couldn’t move or ask why. 

“Fuck.” I heard Armin’s voice. Am I dreaming? “You guys look like you went to hell and back.”

Chapter Text

Cold. I feel nothing but coldness. I was inside a void, transported to another place. There's nothing in there, no light, no color, nothing. I can't see my hands in front of me and it feels like I'm floating. 

Am I just a conscience? 

Even though there was only darkness surrounding me, I felt at peace. I don't feel an ounce of tiredness or any negative emotions. It feels good to be in this void.

The more I stayed here, the better I feel. I could stay in here forever. Wait. If I just got here, where did I come from? That question didn't sit right with me because I don't know the answer. Did I come from somewhere else?

I think I know but I can't remember. I can't remember. Do I need to remember? I feel at ease at this place. Where I come from couldn't possibly be better than this. 

I just can't seem to shake the feeling that something is not right but I can't place my finger on it. I think I forgot something. What is it? Is it something worth worrying about?

"(Y/n)"

What was that? I can hear a voice calling someone's name but it sounded so far I almost didn't catch it were it not for the vast emptiness of this space—you are bound to catch any changes from the constant pattern of nothingness.

"(Y/n)"

The voice called again but it was louder this time and almost demanding, demanding for a reply. I couldn't see a single person here but I keep hearing a voice. 

Who is it calling? There's no one else here but it certainly couldn't be me, that isn't my name. Hold on...what is my name? It's also a thing that I forgot. Does it matter though? But what if I'm the one being called.

"Y/n!"

Pain rushed through the side of my face and it spread everywhere. Something struck me making me suddenly aware of my body. I couldn't understand how the pain on my cheek traveled on every limb and muscle up to my bones.

I instantly closed my eyes after a second of opening them. The lights were too bright, almost blinding me. Getting my eyes assaulted brings a fresh, new pain in my head.

All I could feel is hot pain and I'm not sure if I'm paralyzed or I just can't move a muscle temporarily. I peeked through my lashes, testing the waters and letting my eyes adjust. 

There's someone in front of me, their face too close to my own. Their lips were moving but I can't hear a thing. Shit. Di I go deaf? I saw them raise their hand to my face and I felt them tapping my cheeks lightly. 

"...okay?" The sound came back to me little by little until I could hear background noises at last. My vision cleared and there were more people in front of me than I thought.

"Hange? What time is it?" I asked and it was strange to hear my own voice, it sounded so raspy and it made me realize my throat was dry.

"Almost midnight. Welcome back." Hange had a breath of relief, smiling at me. "Thought we lost you there for a second."

"What do you mean you almost lost me?" The setting confused me. Why are all these people staring down on me while I slept? My eyes roamed behind Hange to identify the people behind her, all with worried expressions on their faces. 

"Springer." I said when I saw Connie hiding at the back. He flinch at his name being called out but also hurriedly walked to my side.

"Yes, captain?" He squeaked.

"Get me a damn glass of water, my throat is cracking at how dry it is." Connie was relieved that it was all I asked, probably worried that it was going to be another complaint against him.

"Get her something warm." Hange added when Connie almost rushed out of the room and the boy seemed to hear it, giving a thumbs up in our direction.

"You were out for quite some time. Fortunately you're not dead, obviously." Erwin's voice came from my left side and it made me want to be violent. Why was I mad at Erwin again?

Then it all came crashing down back to me. The mission. The things we discovered. The smell. The dead bodies, butchered to the point I can't tell from which body they belong to. Mike and Flagon missing while Nifa was for sure killed. Me and Levi able to escape. Levi.

Levi

He's not here.

"Where's Levi?" My body jerking up in a sitting position and it was a bad idea. It hurts like a bitch to move but I won't be relaxed if I don't make sure he's fine. 

"The commander is resting but he's fine. He was tired too." Armin answered for me but I wasn't contented. I need to see that he's alright with my own two eyes.

"Where is he?" I worriedly asked. "I need to check on him too." I tried to sit up again, my teeth locking at how painful my body is but I pushed myself. 

A heavy hand rested on top of my shoulder to prevent me from moving out of the bed. I realized where we were, the quarantine section. It doesn't look like I'm being quarantined since all of them are up in my face. 

It was Erwin who had his hand on my shoulder. "You need to rest first for a few hours. You both were close to dying when you came back." 

"I feel fine." I dismissed him while I swatted his hand away from me. "I can walk."  I pulled the thick blanket from my body and I saw my foot had been bandaged up. It must've been Hange's work.

"I got the water!" Connie came running back in the room, shouting as if not getting the water was a life or death situation. Before I could even react or thank him, he pushed the glass to my lips and tipped it, helping me drink it.

I was about to refuse but the water flowed down into my mouth, he tipped it more and as a result, more water was going in faster than I can gulp.

I coughed, sputtering the water out. I choked on it, coughing my lungs out. I gave him a dead look, pushing the glass harshly back towards him while cupping my throat as I continued to cough and catch my breath. Hange patted my back to help me.

"You idiot," Jean told his friend. "She can't survive what she's been through and just die because you waterboarded her."

I looked at Connie again, if I was feeling fine, he would've gotten a lashing. "I'm so sorry, captain. I thought I was helping." He was frantically explaining, scared of being punished.  

Erwin sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Just—just get out of her sight, please." He pushed Connie back to where he was formerly standing, beside Jean.

When the itch in my throat vanished with another cough, I touched Hange's arms to tell her I'm okay, they stopped rubbing my back and took a step backwards to give me some space.

"Give me a wheelchair." I requested but it came out sounding more demanding.

I saw Connie moving in the corner of my eye, about to fetch a wheelchair for me but Jean pulled him back and mouthed something to him, probably snapping at him.

No one else moved at my request, even Hange. Armin glanced between Erwin and Hange, waiting for the superiors  to speak.

"Give yourself another hour to rest." Erwin continued to argue. Hange seemed to agree with him, giving me the same look as Erwin's. "This is for your own good."

"Give me the fucking wheelchair, Erwin." Armin being the goody-two-shoes that he is waited for the president's reaction with widened eyes. Erwin did not appreciate the way I talked to him and I could see it on his face. "or you're not getting any report from me."

That was an empty threat, I needed to speak about what we've discovered even though that meant I'm going to relive it over again.

Thankfully, Erwin kind of believed that empty threat. Our disagreements before the mission and me always contradicting him seemed to make him believe that he's not going to get anything out of me.

After lightly thinking about it, Erwin finally spoke after a defeated grunt. "Just get the damn wheelchair, Springer."

Connie looked more happy to comply with my request than he should be. Erwin eyed him with not much fervor as he traveled to the back of the room to get the said wheelchair. He had his hands on the handle and wheeled it across the room until he stopped at the side of the bed.

I pulled my legs to fall off the side, carefully not to hit anything with my bad foot.  "Careful." Hange rushed to the other side and took my hand to give me support. I distributed all my weight on my left foot and shifted my body so I can sit down.

"Thank you." I said when I was comfortably seated. Hange placed their hand on the wheelchair, wanting to wheel me to where Levi's room was but Erwin, unsurprisingly, stopped them.

"Arlert, you go and take her. Dr. Zoe and I need to talk." Hange gave Erwin a confused look, telling him that they want to do it but the latter insisted on making them stay.

Hange let go of the wheelchair while Armin took over. Armin waited for Erwin to say more but all he got was a waving hand that permitted him to leave.  

I wanted to stay and listen to their conversation, it sounded like it was something of importance. If it was, they should've included us in it. I didn't have the chance to say this as Armin pushed me out of the room, leaving Erwin, Hange, Jean and Connie. Why are those two still up at this ungodly hour? 

Armin was silent as he pushed me and I didn't say a word either. I know that he is dying to know what happened to us as the first person who found us in the state that we were. I appreciate him giving me some space and not pestering me to talk. 

I caught a glimpse of my reflection on the glass window and I've never saw myself look this horrible. I look like I died and was brought back to life. Even thought it was only for a split second, it was enough to see that the blood on my body had been cleaned but nevertheless, I still look filthy.

This place reminded me of how lonely I was when I was quarantined. To wake up in this very place alarmed me but it was clear that I'm not going to experience it again.

The journey to Levi's room was short, he's just two rooms away from me. Armin left my side to open the door and came back again to push me inside. His room looks the same as mine, as all the other rooms in this area. 

Same white walls that was bound to make anyone go crazy with the lack of color if ever they stay here for a long period of time. I'm already itching to go back to my own room.

Levi was on the single bed, just like me, he hasn't changed out of his clothes yet but they cleaned his face and body to get the dried blood that covered him.

He's asleep even though I have to stare at his diaphragm to notice the slow rise and fall of his chest. As always, he looks so peaceful sleeping but he didn't look better than me. He's still pale from the cold but not too pale. I could only see the 

tiniest hue of pink on his lips, at least they weren't purple.

"You can leave, Arlert." I spoke.

"Captain, I don't think the president and Dr. Zoe would be happy if I left you here."  Armin was unsure if he was going to comply, stuck between his captain and the other superiors. 

"Tell them I'm not going to have a seizure and drop dead the  second you walk away." 

"Huh?" Armin gave a confused sound. "Of course you won't, captain."

"I was being sarcastic." I rolled my eyes with a sigh. Armin was a good kid but he takes every word seriously that you can't joke about anything around him. This is the reason why he's always close to having a stroke just for being friends with Eren.

"Oh, okay." He chuckled awkwardly. "But I still can't leave you alone."

"Leave." I dropped my voice, the one I always use when they know I'm really, really serious and that seemed to do the trick right now as well.

"Yes, captain." Armin took his hand off the wheelchair, gave a final bow and exited the room. 

When I was sure that Armin had left the room, I wheeled myself at the side of Levi's bed and just stayed there. I needed to see that he was indeed okay. I'll wait for him to wake up.

As I sat there, pieces of what we went through in colony 3 came flooding back to me. The smell. It's the kind of thing that you'll never be able to forget; I could still smell it in my head. I can still smell it right now.

On top of all that, I still can't believe Mike, Flagon, and Nifa are gone. If only we knew what we were getting into then we could've found a way to get to them. I can't stop thinking about the what ifs and could've beens.

My foot still hurts but I'm hoping it will heal after a few days and the others still doesn't know what happened. None of them asked me about it nor wondered out loud why it was only me and Levi who came back. Funny, I thought Erwin was going to interview me right after I wake up.

Levi moving in his sleep caught my attention. I think he's regaining consciousness back with the way he scrunched his eyebrows and his hand tugging the sheets off of his body.

He released a dry grunt, completely taking off the sheets. Maybe he felt hot, I'm glad he's not cold anymore. I continued to stare at him, waiting for him to open his eyes. 

"You feel okay?" I asked, relieved when he finally squinted.

He nodded his head as an answer to the question without fully opening his eyes, he tried to move his body to lay on his side, facing away from me. Not a second has passed when turned his head to me so fast I almost flinched. 

I didn't say anything as he stared at me hardly. It was as if he was confused that the first thing he saw when he woke up was me. But there was something with the way he looked at me; that or I was only reading into it too much.

His features softened and relaxed, like my presence brought him some sense of relief. My favorite theory is that he actually cares for me but would never get caught saying it out loud. 

"How about you?" He asked so softly I could've mistaken him for someone else if I'm not staring back at him. However, I could hear the crack in his voice with that single sentence. He is in dire need of water.

I scanned the room for it and luckily, they didn't forget to leave a pitcher of clean water on the bedside table and a glass. While Connie had to run out of the room to fetch me some. 

"Whe—ahem—where are you going?" Levi asked when he saw me move, thinking I was going to leave. His throat must be incredibly dry he can't finish the sentence without clearing his throat.

The pouring and trickling sound of water from the pitcher to the glass was the only sound in the room. Levi just watched me until I was finished and tried to sit up straight. He sucked in a deep breath as he forced himself to move, feeling his muscles ache as I did. 

He had his back against the headboard by the time I handed him the glass. He said nothing as he took it from my hand, eyes not leaving the object and gulped it down in seconds.

When he was done, he placed the glass back on the table himself. I'm not going to lie, it was painfully awkward to be there and not say anything. But what are we supposed to talk about?

"You spoke to them?" Levi asked, his voice was now better and he sounded tired beyond imaginable. He would never admit it but his voice gave it away. 

"Not really, no." I answered, he was asking if I already gave a report. I fiddled with my hands while looking at it since it's hard to look at him instead. "I don't even know where to begin or how to say it."

There's a long pause, I glanced back up at Levi and he's wearing that same expression he does every time he's thinking deeply. I waited for him to speak.

"I'll handle it." He finally says, the tone in his voice was reassuring and the way he talks right now is confusing me. Is this the same Levi who acts ruthless? It's like he hit his head hard. "You don't need to worry about facing Erwin with it. I'll be the one to give the report." 

"But that would be unfair on your part." I stated but I was actually happy that he's doing me a favor.

"I am the commander after all. Between the two of us, he expects me to do it. There's no point in having two people relive a nightmare."

I wanted to tell him that it was just not a nightmare, that we have to go on living with this new hell but I certainly don't want to tense up the mood even more. I hope I won't spoil his mood—he seems to be so calm and collected.

"Levi, I don't think I'm fit to be captain." I bit my lower lip nervously after the words came out of my mouth without another thought. I mentally hit myself for blurting it out.

He rested his head behind him, gazing at the plain wall in front. "I've noticed that you've been comfortable with calling me by my name. I didn't know that we're on first name basis now."

Oh. I got scared, I haven't realized I've been doing that. I mentally prepared myself to be scolded but he didn't lash out. In fact, he seems cool about it, he said it in a way that he was merely observing things.

"I'm sorry, sir. I wasn't thinking of it. I won't forget next time."

"It doesn't matter." He replied. "You can keep calling me that." There's another pause of dead air and I hated how hard it was for us to keep a conversation going. "You want to  submit a resignation?" He continued.

Why is it so hard to keep talking?  The momentum of the conversation keeps on pausing. Each time one of us spoke, the other still needs to think of a response.

"I don't know...but I don't think I'm cut out for this position." I was mumbling my words but I was close by his bed that he can catch it.

"Who do you think should be captain?" He questioned. 

I instantly wish things are the way they were back when Erwin was commander and Levi was captain. As much as I hate Erwin's guts now, him and Levi were a good duo; they were a team. 

Me and Levi aren't as good as them. There's too much personal conflict going on and I'm ashamed that it might just be on my end. 

"Mike would've done great." I always think how Mike would be a better fit than me. Levi let it slip once when he was punishing me that it should've been Mike if only he accepted Levi's offer, that he was stuck with me. 

"Mike is dead." 

I winced when he said it but that's the truth— Mike and the others are dead. I mean, I already know that but to hear someone say it out loud again, it makes my heart ache. That's okay, maybe I'm still in denial, everything is still fresh.

"Mike is dead." Levi repeated and I balled my hand into a fist, digging the flesh of my palm with my nails so the pain would distract me from the hard truth. "He's dead and there's no one more qualified for the position than you. Besides, they're already scared of you. Can you imagine if Arlert was captain? He's good and easy to teach but he doesn't strike fear. His friends would only laugh at him while he gives orders." 

What he said was true. Armin won't be respected as much because of how close he is with them. Is that why Levi chose me? Because I'm not really that close with anyone?

"How can you be so calm while you tell me that Mike is dead?" 

He turns to look at "It happens when all you know while growing up is violence. When you meet new people, it's hard to be sentimental and attached because your brain instantly feeds the idea into you that you'll lose them anyway. The way I speak of this is my own version of grieving. I also feel grief, it just looks different from yours." 

I don't know how to reply to that. This is the first time he opened up about something so I'll be damned if I interrupt him.

"My dad was really abusive with my mom and especially with me. But I give him credit because that's how I was taught discipline and I still stand by it. There's nothing that can discipline more effectively than pain. It is a good teacher."

I don't mean to judge his childhood or beliefs but is he okay with his dad being abusive because it made him the person who he is today? Whatever it is, I bit my tongue to stop myself from blurting out something that may offend him.

"He was a cool guy...only if you were a stranger and not his wife and son. He's really shitty for pushing my mom down the stairs. I'm glad he's finally rotting in hell." He let out a chuckle at the last sentence.

I gave an awkward smile but nothing about it was funny. He really sure has a morbid way of telling things. This is why he shouldn't tell other people about his personal life, they would think he's sick in the head. 

One thing that I admire though, in all of this, he doesn't let the dark things get to him. If this happened to other people, they'd be in a dark place most of their lives. But he seems okay with it now with the way he's talking. 

He'll hunt death down if it was a person, stare down on its face and behead it in a blink of an eye.  

There was a knock at the door and it felt like I was saved. The longer he opens up, the darker it seemed and I'm not entirely ready for it.

I looked back and it was the person I don't want to see standing at the doorway. Erwin. I looked up to him before, but now that I know how he works, not so much. He sacrifices others for his own knowledge and power, I'll never forgive him for what happened. 

He's good on paper or when you admire him from afar.

"Good, you're awake too."  He says, referring to Levi who was now clearly wide awake. Erwin crossed the room until he was beside the bed, next to me. "I need the report now. Obviously, it didn't go as planned and I need to know why."

I wanted to scoff at his face. Did it look like anything at all went according to plan?

"Not here." Levi responds in monotone. "Let's have it in your office."

____

"Thanks, Hange. I feel better after a shower." I walked out of Hange's bathroom in their office, drying my hair with a wet towel. I've never had a shower as rewarding as this one.

"Glad I could help." Hange pauses her writing to offer me a smile. They're on their desk, writing on a notepad. I walked closer to them, wearing a new tshirt, fresh pants, and cozy slippers. I’ve insisted on getting rid of the wheelchair since I can walk better; more likely limp.

Levi and Erwin are back in the latter's office. At first, Erwin did not like the idea that I will not be participating because he wanted to hear about the mission in 'different perspectives.' Luckily, Levi heavily insisted that he can do it on his own.

"If you're tired, you can go ahead and do so in my quarters. I won't be getting an ounce of sleep tonight, I have to study these reports." Hange frowned as they flipped the page on the clipboard. Whatever they were reading, it was not up to their liking. 

“What are those reports about?” I asked, curious for any updates about unsolved cases. Since I got here, Hange and I haven’t talked about those cases nor my mission in colony 3.

“Oh, it’s just the patients’ medical charts. But I can’t really go into detail because that’s confidential and private.” They gave me a playful grin, although a bit forced.

“What patients? Did someone got sick while we were gone?” 

I will throw myself from the fifth floor if someone is infected which will lead to a probable outbreak. I can’t keep up with everything that is happening. 

“What?” Hange scoffed at the idea that I was implying. “No, these are actually Moblit’s patients that I’m helping him with. There’s a lady that’s about to give birth but the baby has a nuchal cord and I’m nervous.”

I had to blink twice after I received the information. “First of all, what’s a nuchal cord?” I held one finger up in the air. “And second, since when was Moblit delivering babies?” I can never picture Moblit doing this. He always looks so frazzled and I always picture the staff in delivery rooms to look calm and compose.

Hange laughed at my questions, they put the medical chart down on the table to give me an explanation.

“Moblit has been delivering babies since he got here. He was a nurse before shit went down so he wouldn’t be able to deliver babies on his own before even though he’s not knowledgeable but since we have no choice now, he does it and I assist him.”

“Wow, I didn’t know that.” I answered.

“Was amazed the first time he did it here.” Hange added, smiling at the memory. “You may think that he’s only my assistant but I do mainly focus on lab works but when it comes to these things, he’s the person people come to for help.”

“And a nuchal cord?” I brought up the first question and Hange’s mood changed, it soured.

“A nuchal cord is when the baby’s umbilical is wrapped around its neck.” Hange bit their cheek as they said this. They’re apparently upset about this and I am too.

“Oh? Um, I’m sorry to hear that.” I apologized, feeling sorry for the mother; her anxiety must be triple than ours.

“It’s nerve-wracking but hopefully everything plays well. Yes, it can be dangerous but it will be fine if we carefully deliver the baby. Moblit and I are closely monitoring them.

“Hope it goes well.” I tried to cheer them up and Hange threw a smile my way.

“You know what?” Hange started. “Why don’t I take you to where the delivery room is.” They sounded excited at the mention of it and I was too.

I perked up in interest. “How come I never noticed there was such thing— I mean yeah there is but I’ve never noticed that you and Moblit are in charge.” 

“Because you focus on criminal cases and we run the IC so you probably never bumped to us in a delivery room and I’m assuming that kind of thing never slither’s it’s way into yours and Levi’s conversation.” Hange said as we walked out of the office. “Plus, I don’t blame you. Your military training pushed you to live under a rock.” 

We went inside the lab and instantly, I felt cold. God, why is it always so fucking cold in here? I was almost shivering but Hange looked fine, they must already be used to the coldness in here. 

Hange pushed open one of the doors inside, it was a sea of darkness and I froze. It’s like someone poured ice cold water on top of my head. Everything came crashing back to me.

The smell. The smell of black blood and rotten bodies infiltrated my nostrils and my stomach is churning, wanting to puke. I felt my legs wobble and the pain in my foot seems to ache more.

I moved my hand blindly in front of me to find the wall for support. Fuck. I can’t breathe. My hand found the smooth surface of the wall but it touched something sticky, almost the consistency of goo.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck

Chapter Text

I can't see Hange in the dark, can't hear a sound. I wanted to run and scream for help but my feet are glued on the floor and my chest feels tight, not enough air in my lungs. I can't go through this again. 

Thump. Thump. Thump.

I could hear it. That same sound that we heard in the dungeons but it sounds closer now, like it's only a few feet away from me. It's ringing in my ear. 

Levi's not here. Levi's with Erwin. He doesn't know that they're here. He can't help me like he did because he's not here. I have to get out of here on my own.

Click

"Are you okay?" Hange's worried voice brought me back to reality. "I couldn't find the switch so it was really dark. Hey," They walked back to me. "Shit. You look pale as a ghost. Come sit down." 

They took my hand and guided me to sit on a chair on the other side of the desk. The room is well lit now and I can see. There's no one here but us. That horrid sound vanished,  and the smell left my system replaced by the scent of alcohol. This just smells like an ordinary hospital, kind of nostalgic actually. 

I looked at my hands that were resting on my lap. Dry. My hands are dry but I could swear that I felt blood on them. I swear I felt it again. Maybe I'm going crazy.

The back of Hange's hand came in contact with the skin of my neck, they took it off but placed it on the other side. "Are you having a cold sweat? You can't catch a fever, you know that. You want me to turn the AC down?"

I nodded, unable to make a sound. It feels too exhausting to the point I'm even tired to talk. I am exhausted.

"I think I'm going to have a fever. I don't feel good." I croaked. 

Hange frowned, I don't like it when they do. Their frown seems out of place for someone like Hange. "No, you can't. You don't want to spend another week in quarantine, do you?" They shook their head.

It feels like a switch in me had been flipped. That was the push to the edge. The threat of being quarantined, being alone in a dark, isolated room was the last straw to break the camel's back. 

Tears swelled up in my eyes but they never fell. I don't want them to. The unshed tears, the lump that settles in my throat, and the aching part in my chest is how I feel grief. I am grieving. 

"Sshh" Hange rubbed my back, trying to soothe me, understanding the situation. "It's all going to be alright. You're fine. You came back to us."

I was shaking. Everything hurts so much. I'm so fucking tired of all of this. Maybe this is all just a bad dream, I refuse that everything for the past decade is real. Maybe it's just a dream and when I wake up, I'll wake up to the smell of my Dad cooking me breakfast.

"But Mike, Nifa, and Flagon won't ever be back." I said, cracks evident in my voice. "Or my dad, or my friends who died, or the people who got infected."

Hange made a sad sigh. "Your dad gave up his life to save you. So you can't die, you owe it to him. Those people died so we could be a step closer to the cure, they died so we would know what to prevent. Not a single person's death was all for nothing."

There's something about how Hange puts it in words that makes me the tiniest bit feel better. I envy how they always know what to say and put in words so effortlessly while most of the time, I have to struggle to get it out.

My shaking slowly came to a stop, my breathing stabled, I'm no longer catching my breath but I still don't feel good. "Hange, I really think I'm going to have a fever."

Hange shook their head again, their hand left my back and they moved away from my seat. "You can't have a fever. I'm going to give you some meds."

I watched as they opened a cabinet and from this angle, I could see that it was filled with bottles of pills and other medication. Hange looked for something and did a satisfied hum when they saw it. She took it from its place and closed the cabinet.

I heard them turn the faucet on. When Hange came back to me, they handed me a glass of water and a tablet. "What's this?" I asked, taking the tablet in my hand and examine it closely. I mumbled a thanks when I took the glass.

"Just Acetaminophen."

I urged them to explain more while I drank the tablet down my throat with water, not recognizing the lengthy word.

"Acetaminophen." They repeated the word before giving me the usage like they we're in some spelling bee contest. "It reduces or prevents fever and relieves pain. It's suitable for both adults and children. It's Tylenol." 

I rolled my eyes playfully at them, they could've just told me it was Tylenol. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand to get rid of the water the dripped on the sides and put down the glass on the desk. 

"Why can't we just give them this to prevent the fever too?" 

Hange smiled my way but I think I missed the mark. "It's not that easy. Fever is just a symptom and obviously, Tylenol won't be able to get rid of the virus."

I bit my tongue and scolded myself mentally. That was an obvious answer and I feel foolish to have asked that. "Sorry, I sound stupid. I mean I know that but clearly, my brain isn't working right now."

Hange gave a reassuring laugh. "Don't be, I feel stupid most of the time too." 

I returned the smile back. "This place is neat." I commented while looking at the place, having a better look for the first time. 

There's a bed, the one that they have for check ups that could also be used in deliveries in the center of the room. We got the desk here, the shelves are filled with instruments. This is nice, they got everything prepared. This made me realize that my life has been all about the military, that things so common as this went unnoticed by me.

"Yeah, it's pretty nice." Hange agreed, putting the tablets back in the cabinet, giving me a peek at how filled it was. "This doubles as a clinic and delivery room."

"What kind of meds do you guys have? The cabinet looks packed." I keep asking about so much things.

"Almost everything. Of course nothing illegal is in there, even though no one would really care." They whispered the last part with a grin. "Anything that's commonly needed. We even have hardcore painkillers and abortion pill."

I looked at them in disbelief, not knowing if they're actually serious or not. "You have Opioids and abortion pills." I repeated in a sarcastic monotone. "That's..." I thought of a better word to put it. "...new information for me."

"Don't worry, they're in a safer place, I don't put them with the others to prevent the risk of addiction. You guys would have a long day catching druggies if I didn't."

"How did these stuff  get past Erwin?"

"Well, we always need painkillers in case people get into accidents but the hard stuff is only reserved for the worst situations and the abortion pill." Hange gave me a look. "Come on, majority of the population don't want to bring a child into this world. Would you?"

"No." I seriously said, thinking about the horrors I personally witnessed just hours ago which Hange still doesn't have an inkling about.

"Go get some rest, please." The mood shifted and Hange's voice became softer. I looked up to them only to find a hint of sadness in their eyes. "Go back to your room and get some rest." 

Walking back to my room was depressing. My body felt heavy and the hallway was too quiet for my liking since everyone was asleep by now. Each step was hard to make and if I could, I would just curl into a ball on the floor here. 

The sound of a door creaking open made me look behind me. It was low but it was the only thing that made a sound so it was hard to miss. It led to the boys' dormitory. The door slowly opened, whoever it was sneaking out did not want to wake the others up. 

I gritted my teeth when I saw who it was. Without making a sound of my own. I walked up behind the person and smacked the back of their head. 

"And where the fuck are you going at this hour?" I whisper-yelled at him while pulling his earlobe as a punishment, dragging him out of the doorway so I could scold him better without the others hearing us.

"Ow ow ow." Eren sucked air through his teeth at the pain, his head craning to the direction I was pulling his ear towards.

"Captain?" He asked once he got a better view of me, I raised an eyebrow up at him, expecting some answers. "You're back!" He exclaimed, pulling back into a bear hug. "How did the mission go? Did we finally figure out their secret? I'm sorry I wasn't there when you came back, I fell asleep waiting." 

Eren sounded like a child in a candy shop. "Stop rambling," was all that I said. His mouth formed into a tiny pout with the lack of explanation from me.

"You need to tell me more. Did the commander put them in their place after finding out what they were scheming about?" He encouraged me to keep talking but to no avail.

"No." I replied. "You listen too much to Erwin. But you better not let the commander see you or it's on sight for him. He's mad at you."

"What did I do now?" Eren whined. "I swear all he sees are just my fuck ups."

"Well you did fuck up by killing Wagner so... his wrath is well justified in this situation."

Eren's playfull demeanor turned sour, his pout forming into a deep frown. "He's still mad about that?"

"You'll know tomorrow." I sighed. "But you haven't answered my question. Where are you going at this hour, trying to sneak out?"

Eren looked like he was caught stealing something, he laughed awkwardly. "I was trying to get a midnight snack from the kitchen. I'm tired of the food that son of a bitch keeps giving us when I know he could do so much better. 1 star michelin, my ass." 

"Language." I hit him in the shoulder as a consequence for his foul language. "And don't badmouth Niccolo like that, he's just rationing the ingredients."

Eren deadpans in front of me at what I just said. "Okay, the food is bad. I can't stand it either. Let's go." I corrected myself, the thought of eating one more bowl of Niccolo's bland soup is worse than it just being plain water.

"Where are we going?" Eren whispered after he closed the door of the dormitory that was left open, but I could tell that he's excited at my invitation.

"To the kitchen, where else?" I whispered back at him.

I was tired but thinking of being alone inside my room is torture and I know I won't be having any sleep, I'm dreading it. Once Erwin announces the details of Levi's report tomorrow, no one would have the energy to laugh again. Might as well take Eren to have fun for the last time, a calm before the storm.

Eren seems to be tensed, which was the opposite of what I wanted him to feel. He walked a few steps behind me, never matching my pace and he looked out of place. His body moved awkwardly and every time I look back at him, he looked nervous.

"What's up with you?" I came to a halt. Eren rushed to walk beside me.

"Are you really helping me with raiding the kitchen?" It was either the question he put out sounded weird to him or its bm the implications of the question itself he can't believe.

"Shut up." I rolled my eyes at him. "We're not raiding anything, you moron. We're just getting something to eat." 

"But we haven't asked Nicco—"

"We're not stealing anything!" 

That seemed to shut him up for now. Niccolo would probably be mad that we were going inside his beloved kitchen but what he doesn't know won't kill him.  Eren relaxed and he's now happy with my company.

When we stepped foot in the mess hall, everything was dark. There's that distinct smell again. It's funny how the smell of human flesh can be distinguished so easily once who get a whiff of it. It's not the kind of rot that's similar to dead animals.

Dead animals smells like rotten meat. When a piece of meat gets spoiled in the fridge or out in the open, that's how dead animals smell like.

But with human flesh, there's a slight sweet undertone to it. It's like when meat has been soaked in honey for a couple of hours and then you let it rot. That sweet smell is the one that makes you feel sick to your stomach, the one that makes you gag. 

You would distinguish that scent so easily among others.

"Captain." A slight nudge from Eren brought me back and the scent from memory vanished as if I haven't smelled it in the first place.

"Sorry, I've been zoning out." 

No, I've been traumatized. I've been through hell and back.

But I couldn't say that to him. He can't know, not yet, maybe tomorrow.

"Turn on the lights." My request came out of my mouth like a harsh order which made Eren look for the light switches. I can't bring myself to get inside, not when all I could see was an ocean of darkness.

Not a moment later, the lights were turned on and my nerves calmed down. I can't help but to always be on the lookout, always be alert, always look behind my shoulder. I can't help but to be scared of the dark.

I sauntered to the middle of the hall and Eren was quick to follow me. The place was empty, thankfully Niccolo might not be in the mood to cook himself a midnight snack too. 

We opened the door that leads to the kitchen which would be busy during meal time but now it was silent and dark. I requested Eren to turn the light on again but at a much softer tone while I was left standing at the doorway, unable to set foot inside. 

My brain kept telling me to stay in the light, it's safer wherever the light can reach you, it's safer when you're not blindly reaching out for things in the dark, unable to see what's in front of you, only using your hands as your eyes.

The lights are on and automatically I'm filled with relief.

The kitchen was clean as usual, Niccolo abiding to Levi's request that the kitchen should be kept in the utmost cleanliness and telling him that he doesn't want to eat anything coming from a filthy place. 

"Where does he keep the ingredients?" Eren wonders, opening a bunch of cabinets and checking the shelves meticulously for something he can snack on.

"Ingredients? Seriously?" I made a face at him. "You want to cook?"

"Well, how else are we going to eat?"

"Pfft." I scoffed. This boy can learn a lesson or two about raiding a kitchen. "Do you really think Niccolo doesn't hide a stash of  sweets in here? All he does is cook, he definitely makes something for himself."

Two things that Niccolo likes: Cooking and Sasha Braus. Both have some connection with food. Niccolo is  completely smitten by her and that is why her food is well seasoned while the rest of us accept our fate.

The two of us rummaged around the kitchen without talking to each other, trying to find some premade food that we can just reheat, eat, and call it a night.

There were crates in the corner against the wall that were covered by parchment paper in order to not expose its contents. I grew suspicious, we haven't checked that one yet so I crossed the room to take a look. 

I glanced back at Eren to see him checking a bunch of jars and Tupperware, I left him to it and went back to the crates. I pulled off the paper.

"That son of a bitch," we both said in unison but he sounded more angry while I felt injustice, making us look at each other, curious what the other has discovered.

"What is it?" I asked, Eren's eyes not leaving the jar. 

"Dark Chocolate bars." He sounded like he didn't believe what he's seeing. Understandable. It's been years since I've eaten those too. "Where did he even get this? What did you find."

"Wine." 

So here we are walking back in the hallway, Eren with a jar of chopped dark chocolate blocks (he took 1/4 from Niccolo) and I took one bottle of wine. Hopefully, he wouldn't notice, there was more in the crates.

"Are you going to share this with the others?" I asked while I took some of the sweet-bitter treat from him and downing it with wine. The wine tastes expensive, this must be reserved for section 1.

"Of course not. I probably wouldn't be able to eat this again and I'm not letting their hands on this." He chuckled as he put a handful in his mouth, tiny chunks fell on the floor.

I took another small gulp of wine. I admit that this isn't the best idea but this is what I needed. We stopped outside his dorms and I waited until I'm sure he's inside.

"Get inside and don't sneak out again."

He gives me a smile. "You're like the sister I never had."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes at him. Is he already tipsy or what? He says the shittiest nonsense. "Where is that coming from?"

Yet Eren didn't take a step, his happy demeanor now gone as he looked at me. "I knew you'd come back. You always need to come back."

He didn't give me a chance to reply or asked what he meant. The second those words left his mouth, he went inside the dorms, leaving me in the hallway.

What did he mean? I brushed it off. Eren is always a little weird and he says weird stuff all the time. He must've thought the mission was dangerous from the start and he's just happy I came back. He doesn't even know it's only me and Levi who got out.

I walked back to my room on my own with a bottle of wine in my hand, looking at my feet while I walk, making sure I don't step on the lines of the tiles. I took a sip from the bottle again and when I raised my head up, Levi was standing outside the door to my room with a displeased expression.

Seeing him there made me swallow the wine down my throat ever so slowly and I put the bottle behind my back, hoping he didn't see it in the dim light. 

Great, now it seems like I was the one caught for sneaking out.

"Good evening, sir. Is there something you need?" Thankfully, I wasn't drunk. Levi had his arms crossed on his chest, he does it when he disagrees on something and right now that might be me.

He stares at me up and down with a cold glare. "It's close to dawn."

"Then, good morning, sir."

He didn't like my response. All I got for a moment is another harsh glare coming from him. "You were out drinking wine with Jaeger?"

"Yeah." I cleared my throat, a coping mechanism during awkward situations and when the silence is actually louder than us. "We were hungry, so..."

"Didn't I tell you—" He cut himself off and took a tired sigh. "Whatever. Go wash yourself. You smell like wine and Jaeger's cheap vanilla perfume."

I passed by him, entering my room with my head hung low, looking at my feet as I walk to avoid eye contact but he grabbed me by the collar of my shirt yanking me close to him. I released a surprise yelp but all he did was grab the bottle of wine  from me and let me go.

I masked the disappointment on my face, I could've drunk it while I was showering but he confiscated it. 

The shower was nice. The water was warm but it took less than ten minutes since I already took a shower in Hange's office. I know how particular Levi is with cleanliness and I'm too tired to participate in an argument with him. 

When I walked out with another pair of fresh clothes and my hair down, Levi was seated on a chair next to my bed. He's awake but he looked drained, he must be here to tell me about their meeting.

"Erwin and I talked." I was right, it is about the meeting.

"I'm sorry but I just want to rest. I'll hear it tomorrow." I dismissed him, climbing on my bed and under the covers. The lights were still on and even when my eyes were closed, I could still feel him staring at me.

"I made you some tea." He spoke after a while. He must've stood up because I heard the squeak of the chair before his footsteps.

"It's alright, I'm already sleepy." 

"Come on, it's good for your health." He continues to persuade me but I can't lift my head or open my eyes anymore.

Since when did you care about my health?

"Mhm." Was all I could say before turning to lay on the other side and fell asleep with the lights on, leaving Levi to his cup of tea.

I woke up pretty early despite how exhausted I was with the LED light burning my eyeballs. I was still sleepy but I can't go back to sleep plus I had the urge to empty my bladder. That was a bit frustrating.

I had no choice but to stand up, tidy my bed, and go to the bathroom. While I was inside, I freshened up and changed into my uniform. I stared at my reflection like I always do in the morning, it was part of the routine so any minor changes in my appearance won't go unnoticed by myself.

My once healthy hair now looks frizzy, I look paler than I usually am and I lost weight. In short, I look like a ghost. That's alright I can gain weight again, I'll eat healthy and exercise more.

I glanced at my watch, 5:00 am. Breakfast is at 6:30. I grabbed my earpiece from inside my drawer and put it on. I left my room to check on the cadets, it's been a while since I handled them and I doubt they missed me.

I went first in the girls' dorms. When I opened the door, most of them were already up. Mikasa just went out of the shower, her dark hair wet and she's already in her uniform. The others were sleepily entering the bathroom while the others who are done left the dorm.

"Morning, Captain." Hitch gave a half-hearted salute on her way out, yawning, obviously still sleepy. I let her pass with a nod as a response to her salute.

At the mention of my name, Mikasa turned around, her jet-black eyes meeting mine.  I stared back at her, her face blank of any emotion until the ends of her lips curved upwards.

"You're back." A statement; if I listen closely, I could hear the relief in her voice.

"Yes."

"How did it go?" Mikasa asked, walking to the center of the room to get closer to me. 

"Not as planned." 

Her eyebrows drawn together, not liking my response. At this point, the others are listening attentively at our conversation, also curious about the mission last night.

"Why? What happened?" Mikasa wanted an elaborated explanation which I couldn't give right now. "Were they uncooperative?"

I wanted to laugh. Uncooperative? If you could say that. They were more than uncooperative.

"Later." I strode to Mikasa's bunk bed, Sasha is still sleeping on the bottom bunk. "Wake her up. She's going to be late." Aside from our voices and the sound of the shower running, Sasha's loud snores filled the room.

Mikasa shook Sasha's shoulder to wake her up to no avail, her snores just became louder and she shifted position in her sleep. Mikasa grew impatient and she shook her harder but it still didn't work.

"Let me." I said. Mikasa stepped back and I reached over Sasha's face and pinched her nose using my thumb and pointer finger. She didn't react to it in the first few seconds but she started to move her head away followed by coughing. That'll do the trick.

Sasha, in frustration for being woken up, jerked into a sitting position on the bed and swatted the air with her hands thinking she was attacked by something while she was sleeping.

"Who the fuck—good morning, captain!" She salutes and I ignored how she almost cussed me out. "W-what are you doing here?"

"Making sure everyone's awake. Get dressed, Braus." I turned on my heel to leave but I felt a hand rest on my shoulder.

"Is something wrong?" Mikasa asked, always sensing when something doesn't feel right.

"Meeting later with the president." With that I went out the door. Thank god Erwin is holding a meeting later. I can't explain the events of last night to everyone I  bump into.

I crossed the hallway, the boys' dorm is only across this one. I didn't bother to knock, I went inside to find out none of them are up, even Armin. 

Compared to the girls' dorm, this place is absolutely filthy. Most of their bed sheets are crinkled, some only have half of them covered correctly. There's dirty clothes at the foot of the bed and in the corner of the room on a pile. The floor is dusty and clearly hasn't been swept yesterday.

I took my baton from my belt and banged it against the bed frames as I walked past each one, interrupting the chorus of snores. There were synchronized groaned and bed creaking as a result but Armin hastily stood up from his bed at the sight of me.

Clearly, he hasn't regained enough consciousness to stand up so he swayed in his place trying not to out balance. "Captain."

"You were still asleep at this hour? All of you should be out by now. Did all of you forgot your training?" I raised my voice which made the sleepiness leave their systems. "Do you need to be trained again?" 

"No, ma'am." Armin answered for the team, his voice quivering. He's still in his pajamas that had ocean waves patterns.

"Wake everyone, Arlert."

"What's going on here?" A voice by the doorway asked. 

"Commander." The panic in Armin's eyes increased tenfold as soon as Levi appeared. "We'll be out shortly, sir." He promised.

Jean went down from Connie's top bunk, passing in front of me, lazily dragging his feet in the direction of the bathroom. "I'll go first."

Armin pushed him aside and took a sprint to the door first, looking it behind him. Jean ran but it was too late, all he could do was bang his fist against the door and curse Armin.

"The goes for all of you." I said to everyone dozing back to sleep. I walked back to where Levi was. "Good morning."

"Morning, I made you your tea."