Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Han So-Hee and Han Jisung returned to their house and children a few days after Christmas ended.

They did so on purpose, and their reasons were obvious, too; it was so that they would not have to pretend to celebrate Yoohyun's birthday. Yoojin may not have known better a couple of years ago, thinking that his mother and father just wanted to go places with only themselves because they loved each other so much, but he knew by now that they always came back after the twenty-fifth of December for a different reason. There were only so many times that Yoojin could be invited to go somewhere with his mother and father, asking, "What about Yoohyun?" before learning that his parents did not love Yoohyun the same way they loved him, or even loved him at all. This way, the most that their parents would have to do was act like they felt guilty for missing Yoohyun's birthday, apologize, and then do it again the next year.

Their arrival was without fanfare; this happened all the time, after all. They would leave on a trip somewhere, and Yoojin and Yoohyun would use the money as responsibly as they could until their return, and then they would leave again to somewhere else not long after. So when they came back, Yoojin only told them that Yoohyun was now seven, wondering if they even kept track of how old Yoohyun was, or if it meant to them that it had been sevenyears since they made the mistake of bringing Yoohyun into this world, and that was the end of it.

His childhood was far from a traditional one, or one that was at least considered to be decent. Yoojin realized this only when he was in school one day, and the teacher asked him why his parents hadn't shown up for a single one of those parent-teacher conferences. At least the phone number was on record and his parents' cellphones were not off, because who knew what would have happened if the issue was elevated? Perhaps they would have been passed to different families or long-distant relatives, and they would have been separated, and such outcomes simply would not do. Not when those outcomes would lead them away from each other.

Yoojin learned to raise himself and his dongsaeng as he grew. It was difficult, but by no means was it unsatisfying. By the time he entered high school, he was almost glad that his parents went on trips so often. They provided the two of them with enough money to live somewhat comfortably, and their absence gave them freedom. Without their parents being so distant, he doubted the bond he had with Yoohyun could have grown as strong as it did. 

Really, he thought that he was lucky to have such a close relationship with his dongsaeng, especially when he heard other students do nothing but complain about their own siblings. Even at the cost of his parents being almost completely absent, Yoojin was lucky to have such a good relationship with his dongsaeng in comparison.

That did come with its own difficulties, of course. Whenever Yoojin brought a friend over to study with, or to hang out, that friend would always decline to visit again, citing Yoohyun as the reason. It was not that they were scared of Yoohyun, not in the same way that his parents were, but that Yoohyun was always disturbing them and getting in the way. And indeed, Yoohyun would always be staring at them intently through the crack between the doorframe and the door, a little glare on his face. But Yoohyun was also not even thirteen, so how threatening could he be? The way that Yoohyun's face looked all scrunched up like that only made him look cute, at least to Yoojin.

It was a shame none of his classmates agreed with him. Though Yoojin always tried to admonish Yoohyun for acting so rude to the guests he brought over, he never could bring himself to really punish his dongsaeng or stop that sort of behavior from him, and no one from school ended up sticking around as friends.

It was fine. If they could not accept Yoohyun's presence, if they were scared away by the glare of a little child, then Yoojin did not want them around anyways. He did not really need friends either, not as long as he had Yoohyun around. Friends were a commitment, one that took time, and time was not something Yoojin had much of. Not when he was the only one who took proper care of his dongsaeng, and the only one who spent time on him.

Other than that, there was nothing really for Yoojin to note about his school experience. His grades were not bad, but not exemplary either. He did not participate in extra activities after school or contribute to any great projects with his peers. He did not stand out at all, becoming just another number in the crowd of students.

Yet, whenever their parents were around, they praised Yoojin as if he did. They told him that his grades were good, and that his conduct in school was admirable, and that he was setting a good example. And Yoojin would remember how Yoohyun, younger and in more need of encouragement than he was, still got higher letter marks than he did and got no praise from their parents, not a single word at all. He would remember how it was always himself who asked Yoohyun how school was, and never their parents, and the praises would feel much more hollow.

He thought that Yoohyun knew it too. Every time Han So-Hee told Yoojin how high his grades were, Yoojin would see his dongsaeng fidgeting in the corner, as if waiting for his own efforts to be acknowledged. Whenever Han Jisung patted Yoojin's head and told him that he was so very responsible compared to other people of his age, Yoojin thought of how clean his dongsaeng kept his room, and how he never turned in an assignment late.

His parents did not care for Yoohyun, so Yoojin cared for him in their stead. He did not need to be asked too, either; loving Yoohyun came naturally to Yoojin, as if all the capacity for loving his dongsaeng was taken from their parents and given to him. So whenever Yoohyun shuffled to the bathroom, trying to hide a bruise on his elbow or a scrape on his knee, Yoojin would hurry over, ignoring whatever it was their parents were saying in favor of helping his dongsaeng with whatever injury he had managed to get this time. He would much rather give his attention to Yoohyun, who was always there, than his parents.

Yoojin did not hate his parents. He did not think that he stopped loving them, either. But at some point, he found that he did not like them much anymore. For disappearing so often, for treating Yoohyun the way they did, for not being parents at all. These reasons all twisted together, turning into the seed of something ugly within Yoojin.

And resentment could be a powerful thing.

Chapter Text

"Hyung, I don't like it here."

It was the end of another school year when Yoohyun confessed this to Yoojin. He seemed nervous, too, his eyes darting away as if the statement was something he was not allowed to say. And maybe he really was not allowed to say this, at least not to their parents, but Yoohyun was never really able to say anything to them without being met with scorn, and Yoojin was not them.

Yoojin was about to graduate high school, perhaps go to college, while Yoohyun had just finished his last year before high school. Even five years younger, Yoohyun was almost as tall as his hyung. 

As usual, their parents were not there, gone on yet another unnecessary trip just to avoid their youngest child. 

Yoojin could not blame Yoohyun for saying such a thing. Though the house was nice, and the only inhabitants were often just the two of them, there still had to be too many unpleasant memories for his dongsaeng. Memories of being ignored by their parents, of gazes full of scorn and fear, memories that tainted every room with a hostile air, even when neither parent was present. No photo that was displayed in the house had Yoohyun in it, the only exception being Yoojin's room. 

Their parents had been trying to erase any proof of Yoohyun's existence for a long time now, and recently, they had even put distance between them and Yoojin. Yoojin knew that it was also a result of how close he was with Yoohyun. He was the last obstacle standing in their way of a blissful, Yoohyun-less life.

So Yoojin smiled at his dongsaeng and told him that he would take care of it. "It's alright, Yoohyun-ah. I don't like it here either." 

He stayed up that night, far later than he usually did, to look at places that were up for rent. The prices were not as low as he would have liked, and he estimated that he would have to work multiple jobs to earn enough for rent, which meant giving up any plans of college. But if it meant that his dongsaeng would be able to have a place for himself, one that was truly separate from their parents, Yoojin did not mind. It was his job to love Yoohyun, and it was a job he could not afford to fail, not even by a little bit. 

Han So-Hee said nothing about it when she heard of his plans. Han Jisung told him that he would regret not going to college. Both of them disapproved of his unrelenting stubbornness when it came to Yoohyun, but they did not try to stop him. 

It did not matter. The opinions of his parents stopped holding weight to Yoojin a long time ago, and so he threw away those opinions just the same as he threw away the trash left after a meal. Both had fulfilled their purposes and had no further use. Besides, it was not as though they were losing much value out of this either, if any at all.

Navigating the move on his own was difficult. There was no one to help him read through the lease or put things under his name, but it was all worth it to see the way that Yoohyun's face lit up in joy. 

"It's really just ours?" he had asked, looking up at Yoojin as though his hyung were the reason that the world spun around and that there were stars in the sky.

Yoohyun's smile was bright, and Yoojin thought that it was one of the most beautiful things he had seen. It was a shame that his dongsaeng had never smiled in that house with their parents, but in the end, that only ended up being their loss. Yoojin had known for a long time that Yoohyun always stifled himself in that house, making any of his reactions or even his words quiet, so that he would bring no attention to himself and with it looks of unconcealed distrust. Now, in their own home, even if there were patches on the walls and stains on the counter, Yoohyun was much less withdrawn, and every emotion of his was shown freely. 

Yoohyun was happy here, and so that meant that Yoojin was as well. No matter how difficult it was to balance every job he had to take, every complaint he had about them melted away when he came home and saw that sparkle in his dongsaeng's eyes. He thought that if it meant preserving Yoohyun's happiness, then he would gladly take on these difficulties forever.

It was much more than he could say their parents would have ever done for Yoohyun, or even for himself. Texts with them were few and far between at first, and eventually their strained conversations together fizzled out into nothing, as did their presence in each other's lives altogether. It was as if Han Jisung and Han So-Hee were nothing more than strangers. Perhaps they were, too; perhaps they had become strangers to each other a long time ago. 

Not that it mattered. When Yoohyun started high school, neither he nor Yoojin had a thought to spare about their parents. Not when Yoohyun tried on his new uniform for the first time, or went to his new classes on that first day. There was no wondering whether their mother or father should have been there for these events. Their parents were parents only in title, and beyond that, they were nothing but a stain on Yoohyun and Yoojin's memories. They were far from deserving to see such important parts of Yoohyun's life. Things were better this way, even, as if Yoohyun and Yoojin were never meant to have parents at all.

Yoohyun seemed to agree with the sentiment. Although to Yoohyun, it seemed like he did not think anyone at all was meant to be around him, besides Yoojin. He never mentioned any friends that he might have made, or after school clubs, or really anyone at all. There were not even any complaints about the teachers. And when Yoojin asked him whether he was getting along with his classmates, all Yoohyun would say was that he did not talk to them. 

He was worried, at first. Was his dongsaeng being bullied? "Yoohyun-ah, why don't you talk to them? Are they excluding you?" 

"They're not very interesting," Yoohyun told him. "And I need to study so that I can get into a good college, anyways." 

"You're not lonely at all?" Yoojin remembered how strange it was when he was in high school, sitting alone at lunch because everyone would rather have friends that were not Yoojin, the kid with practically no parents and a dongsaeng who made everything awkward. He never held it against Yoohyun, though. Not when he was the only source of love that Yoohyun had. He only ever found himself able to blame his mother and father.

Yoohyun looked confused at the question. "Why would I be lonely when you're here?" His so-called parents never paid him any mind, and yet all through his life he had never felt alone. His hyung was always there, and as long as his hyung stayed with him, there was no reason for him to try reaching out to others. All he needed was his hyung.

And so, even into those years where people were the most social, making connections with others around their age and bonding over shared activities, Yoohyun still preferred to stick just to his hyung. When he did well in school, it was so Yoojin would praise him. When he kicked up a fuss, it was so Yoojin would show him attention. Even when he was younger, he let himself trip and fall when he could have caught himself so that Yoojin would fuss over his wounds. He did not need anyone else, not their attention or even their presence. When he would graduate from school, he planned to get a good job, one that would let them both live comfortably together. That way, his hyung would stop having to work so often, leaving more time for the both of them to be together.

But he never got the opportunity to. Not when the dungeons overflowed and Yoohyun found himself surrounded by flames, dancing along his hands and spilling onto the carcasses of what were once monsters. Not when the world around him changed irrevocably.

Chapter Text

Yoojin was proud of Yoohyun. His dear Yoohyun-ie, only in high school, and yet so powerful, able to stand his own against other awakened people with ease.

He wondered how Han So-Hee and Han Jisung might have reacted if they were here. Would there be fear in their eyes? Of course there would; they had always been afraid of Yoohyun, even when Yoohyun was not even a year old. Perhaps there would be a sense of satisfaction, too, finding out that their fears were not so unfounded after all. That there really was something off about him.

"We told you there was something wrong with him," they might have said. "Now you're really in danger."

Yoojin would have scoffed at them. They might have reason to be afraid, but for him, there was no reason for him to be afraid of his dongsaeng. He was not the one who had treated him so cruelly. Yoojin had never looked upon Yoohyun with fear. He had only ever loved Yoohyun.

He was the only one who ever did, and for Yoohyun to rip himself away from the only source of love he ever had was akin to ripping his heart in two, the tendons outstretched and bleeding as it searched for the other half.

First Yoohyun had left the house of his so-called parents, and now he had to leave his home with Yoojin.

He wished so, so desperately that he did not have to, but he saw the consequences of staying by his hyung. He saw how close the knife of the world's new society cut to his hyung's throat, the tiniest sliver of air separating its blade from certain death for his hyung. Yoohyun came so close to losing Yoojin for good that day, and he could not let it happen again. So he left, because he did not know what else to do.

The knife was aimed to hit him, so if he left, then it would no longer catch his hyung on its way to him. If it hit him, then at least Yoojin would be safe.

He paid not a single thought towards the safety of his parents. He did not have to do anything to "protect" them if he wanted to, not in this way. He was already so distant from them that he was not sure he could even consider them parents, or if he ever did at all. 

A part of him wondered what would happen if he acted close to them, if only to see how long they would last with danger around every corner. He refrained, of course. It would only be a waste of time, and there were much better things for him to do. 

It was funny, though, how it hurt him so much to leave his hyung's side when he felt nothing for Han So-Hee and Han Jisung. How was it fair, that it only hurt to protect the one that he really cared about? 

Those who hunted him in search of a single weakness noticed it too, how distant Yoohyun was from Han So-Hee and Han Jisung. Hardly anyone went to harass the parents, losing interest in the pair almost immediately, while Yoojin was hounded by them for months and months on end. They thought, initially, that there were no parents at all; that was how far they were from having a role in their children's lives. 

How cruel it was, seeing his hyung subjected to the worst of it while the parents escaped with hardly a scratch at all. The relentless questioning from reporters only affected the one who did not deserve it.

"How do you feel about your brother becoming the youngest guild leader in Korea?"

"Do you stay in contact with him?"

"What do you think of the recent statements put out by Han Yoohyun?"

There were so many questions that the reporters asked Yoojin, many of them unavoidable, popping up around the corners and streets he always passed through. 

Some of them were questions that he asked himself. 

"Do you know why he left?"

He did not know, but he wished he did. Why did his dongsaeng leave? It was so sudden, too. One day they had been as close as they always were, and the next Yoohyun was packing his things and leaving. 

Maybe Yoohyun just wanted to try standing on his own two feet for once, not having to rely on his hyung for support. It was the only explanation that Yoojin could really think of, but if that were the case, that still did not mean Yoohyun had to cut off every line of communication with him like that. If it was because Yoojin had been unintentionally suffocating him, he could have just said so. He would have backed off if Yoohyun had only asked. Or maybe it was something else he did wrong? 

These thoughts plagued him all throughout his military service. Surely there was an answer somewhere, a mistake he had made that he could try to make up for. He tried to ask, too, using his phone calls to try and speak with Yoohyun, but none were ever answered. Once, he considered trying to call his parents, though that idea was quickly discarded. What would they even know of Yoohyun? They had even gone so far as to cast Yoojin himself away after the move, wanting nothing to do with Yoojin if he insisted on tying himself so closely to Yoohyun. 

But when he was released from his service, Yoojin found himself without any other choice. He could barely afford rent, much less necessities. Typing in that number on his phone, he wondered what had happened in their lives since the last time he had seen them, or if they were even still alive. 

Calling them was his last resort, and it was his last resort for a reason. 

"You should have known better," his father's voice told him, after hearing that Yoohyun had cut him off. "We knew that he was never going to be any good, but you didn't, and now you're paying the price." 

His mother said nothing to him, but he could hear her voice in the background, and her silent agreement. He could hear the slight sense of superiority in his father's voice, as if saying, "We told you so." 

They did not help him. They did not even say anything as they hung up, and Yoojin was left in the silence of his apartment, the one he once shared with Yoohyun. He did not know if he would still have this place after the month ended. For all he knew, he could be homeless soon, and the place would be lost to him, just the same as Yoohyun was. 

Yoojin did not make it to his bed that night. Instead, he passed out on the floor, accompanied only by the hollow feeling of despair in his chest and the tracks of tears on his face. First his parents had left him, and now his dongsaeng. 

Han So-Hee and Han Jisung always attributed anything bad to Yoohyun. But if it was himself that was always being abandoned, perhaps the problem lied with him instead.

If only there was something he could have done about it. If only he were more helpful, more of use, then the people around him might not have been so quick to discard him and leave his heart a bleeding mess. If only he had done this, or if only he had not done that. 

But thinking upon what he could have done differently would not change what had already happened, or make Yoojin feel any less alone.

Chapter Text

Yoojin clutched the figure in his arms desperately. He could already feel the warmth leaving Yoohyun's body, blood flowing out of his wounds and feeding into flames that were slowly dying themselves. Soon, when the dungeon vanished, there would be nothing left here. Not Lauchitas, not Yoohyun, and not himself. There was no reason for him to go on, not anymore.

"Yoohyun, why…" 

Why did Yoohyun trade his life for his hyung's? It was not supposed to be like this. It was never supposed to be like this. The younger should not die for the older; if anything, it should have been Yoojin that died for Yoohyun.

That was alright. He would be dead soon anyways, with the poison already working itself through his body and shutting down his organs. There was nothing he could do to stop it. This was what he deserved, anyway.

His parents bitterly came to mind. Would they mourn for either of them? Likely not; if anything, they would be glad to hear of their passing. Finally, those unnatural children of theirs would be gone from this world, and they would have nothing to worry about. Yes, at least his death would make someone happy. 

But even so, the part where they would consider Yoohyun's passing as a good thing still hurt, leaving an ache in his heart in place of Yoohyun's. If only they had looked at his dongsaeng just once and realized what they were missing, maybe then Yoohyun's path would have been different, would have had a different ending. One where he did not die for someone so useless, and kept living. Perhaps he would have found the life that he deserved, one where he was supported properly.

It was a fantasy that would never happen. He could not imagine a world where his parents thought fondly of Yoohyun, not after the way they treated him. They never gave his dongsaeng a chance, did they?

Yoojin looked up as a notification from the system popped up. The rewards for slaying the dragon were useless. They meant nothing to him, not when he was as good as dead already. He had no will to save himself, either. The only item that he paid any attention to was the wishstone.

It floated in front of Yoojin, its brilliant light promising a better tomorrow. Even If it was not meant to be this time, even if it could not bring Yoohyun back, he could still turn back the clock. If he went back far enough, then maybe all of this tragedy could be prevented. Maybe Yoojin could give to his dongsaeng the things he deserved, rather than dragging him down.

A second chance. He promised himself not to squander it.

"You raised him all by yourself? But Ahjussi, what about your parents?" Yerim looked up at Yoojin with curiosity as she asked the question.

"They were around, I guess, but that was about it." Yoojin had to force the words out. He did not like to think about his parents more than necessary. They gave us money and left to be on their own all the time." Bitterness tinged his voice. Perhaps, if they had simply disappeared, then Yoojin would never have realized just how deeply they loathed Yoohyun. If Yoojin only held memories of them when he was younger, much younger, then he would have remembered them more favorably. He would not have grown up and learned that his parents, the figures that every child was supposed to look up to, thought of Yoohyun as nothing but a parasite, something below human. If they had disappeared, maybe all that Yoojin ever would have thought was that his parents loved each other very much, leaving on extended dates so often.

It was easy for anyone to read the meaning in Yoojin's words, but especially so for Yerim, who leaned back on the couch she was sitting on with a scowl. "Ugh, yeah. Those kinds of adults are the worst, not even trying to take care of their kids." 

Yoojin let a smile return to his face and ruffled Yerim's hair. Maybe part of the reason that Yoojin became so fond of Yerim was because of their shared experiences, both of them being dealt the hand of neglectful guardians. But while Yoojin had Yoohyun next to him all throughout that time, Yerim had no one. "Well, you don't have to worry about your uncle anymore, and I've been out of my parents' house for a long time, so we don't have to think about these kinds of things anymore." 

It was what he told Yerim, but now that it had been brought up, Yoojin could not help but to think about Han So-Hee and Han Jisung. They had not talked in a long time; to Yoojin, it was a much longer time than it was for them. 

He did not like them. That, at least, was clear enough in his mind. But he wondered if he still held any sort of affection for them. They were his parents, after all, and familial ties were not so easy to cast off. It was what he had heard, anyway.

If that was the case, though, then why did it seem so easy for their parents to push Yoohyun and Yoojin away? Maybe it was easy because they never considered Yoohyun as a part of their family at all.

He did not know why he picked up the phone and called them. Was it his curiosity? He did wonder what they were up to, or whether they were even still around. Whether they moved or not. How their lives were when he and Yoohyun left. Did they stop going on so many trips after that happened? Probably. Perhaps it was because Yoojin was no longer that young boy who was still dependent on them, and he wanted to talk to them on a more equal standing. 

As equal as it could get, anyways; now, it was him and Yoohyun who were above the parents, rather than the other way around.

At the very least, he did owe them for the money they left when he was growing up. And though he was loath to admit it, he had them to thank for Yoohyun's existence as well, because without them Yoohyun would not have existed at all. He did not want to imagine how his life would have looked like without Yoohyun, or who he would be without that presence in his life.

The call picked up, and a voice crackled through. It was familiar, and yet with the time that had passed, it was almost as foreign as a stranger's. His mother's voice, Han So-Hee's, answered. "Hello?"

Yoojin hesitated before speaking. "Hey. It's been awhile." He wanted to ask if she still remembered him. Did she even recognize his voice?

There was an incriminating pause. No asking who it was, or whether he had dialed the wrong number. "Yes, it has. I'm surprised you're calling."

So am I, he almost said. Instead, he asked, "I just wanted to know how you and Father have been."

"We've been alright." His mother's voice sounded strained and as stilted as his own, eager to cut the already brief conversation even shorter. "Is there anything else?"

Yoojin almost said no. He could give up on the idea of anything happening at all and apologize for calling after so long, and then hang up and be rid of them. 

But another part of him wanted to go further. To look his parents in their eyes and ask them if they were happy. Did it turn out well for them, the way they treated their children? Were they happy, knowing that they could hardly be called parents at all? 

So instead of ending the call, he asked, "I wanted to visit, I guess. Since it's been a long time. Is that alright?"

More silence. Then, muffled words on the other side. He could not make out what was being said, but he could hear his father's voice somewhat. His mother must have been telling his father what he was saying, so he waited for a response without saying anything more.

"...It's fine. Do you remember the address?"

"Of course I remember." So they had not moved. He wondered if they did not refuse only because of how much influence and power that he now held, along with Yoohyun. If he was still that broken person on the floor of a cheap apartment, would their response be the same as it was now? He knew the answer to that question. It had been answered long ago, when he had stumbled out of his military service and found himself unable to afford the expenses of living. "Does today next week work?"

"Sure."

"Okay." Their response was dry, as was his own. He swallowed "Okay. See you then," he said, and hung up. 

There had been no sense of affection in the call, no sense of familiarity. It was almost as if it was a business call, as if it was a meeting between strangers that was being planned and not the reunion of a family. But they could hardly call each other family anymore, so perhaps the description was not an inaccurate one. Perhaps they really were strangers.

Yoojin went to go find Yoohyun. Better to tell his dongsaeng now than to have him find out on his own later.

Chapter Text

Yoohyun, clingy as always, insisted on going with Yoojin. 

Yoojin was a bit surprised. Their parents had never been kind to his dongsaeng, and so he had told Yoohyun that he would be more than fine if he went by himself. There was no real reason for Yoohyun to have to face them once more.

Then again, their parents had stopped extending their kindness to Yoojin when Yoojin showed kindness to Yoohyun, so he supposed he could not really say anything about it. It was himself who had no reason to visit the two, not just Yoohyun. Though considering how protective Yoohyun had been over him since the regression, he supposed his dongsaeng did have something of a reason to go. Yoohyun always seemed to want to go wherever Yoojin did, and Yoojin could never bring himself to mind the lack of distance. Especially not after what had happened in the past.

The drive over was less than an hour, yet the mix of anticipation and anxiety made it feel much longer than that.

Han So-Hee and Han Jisung's house seemed the same as ever when they arrived, as if its time had stopped moving the moment that the children had left. The street, the sidewalk, the front door, all of it was just as picturesque as it was in Yoojin's memories. 

Yoojin rung the doorbell and waited.

"Oh, you're here," Han So-Hee said as she opened the door. She tried to keep her voice flat and distant, cordial and stiff. Her gaze flicked over the two of them, Yoohyun standing behind Yoojin, just the same as he always seemed to in the past. This time, though, it was not Yoojin who was standing up for Yoohyunt, but the other way around.

She shivered, feeling Yoohyun's gaze on her. If he was unsettling before, with only the beginnings of something dangerous in his eyes back then, well, the terror that threatened to consume her now was confirmation that what she felt back then was only a warning. 

Yoojin's tone reflected hers. "Hello, Mother." 

She forced herself to step away from the door, letting them in. As Yoojin passed her, she wondered just how her oldest had survived under the watchful eyes of Yoohyun, never once flinching away. When Yoohyun passed her, she looked away, as if ignoring him would solve her problems. It had worked in the past, after all.

Han Jisung was just as stilted and awkward as Han So-Hee. "Hello," he said to Yoojin. And, after some hesitance, looked at Yoohyun. "Hello."

"Hello, Father." Yoojin nodded politely, sweeping his eyes over the place. While he used familial titles towards the parents, they did not use any in return. It was a small detail, but it did not go unnoticed by Yoohyun. "I see you've changed the place up." 

Han Jisung grunted. "It's been a long time. Things don't stay the same forever." 

And yet, some things do, Yoojin thought. Every photo that had himself in it had disappeared. If there had ever been ones with Yoohyun, no doubt that those would have been removed as well, gone far before Yoojin's were. The photos may have changed and disappeared, but the parents' want to rid themselves of him and Yoohyun's existence had remained unchanged. "Yes, you're right. It's just… interesting, to see. It's a lot different in here from what I remember."

A silence fell upon the four. When Yoojin had called them, he thought that he would have a lot to say. He thought that he had wanted to ask them why they dropped him so readily from their lives, but now he realized that he did not need to ask a question that he already knew the answer to. 

Han So-Hee and Han Jisung had stopped thinking of their sons as their family a long time ago, just the same as he had stopped thinking of them as their parents. The moment that he chose to hold Yoohyun's little hand in his was the moment his fate was set, because to their parents, it could only be them or Yoohyun, not both. And Yoojin had chosen Yoohyun.

Yoohyun shifted behind him. "There's a candle here. I didn't know you liked candles."

Han So-Hee looked uncomfortable, but she had been since the moment the door was opened. "We don't-"

She did not finish her sentence. Yoohyun had already let a flame burn on the tip of his finger, lighting up the candle wick with himself instead of a lighter. 

Yoojin looked over at her, and then at Han Jisung. He could see that familiar look of fear in their eyes, but this time, instead of wanting them to get along with Yoohyun, he only felt the cruel satisfaction of knowing that they were the ones who did this to themselves. They had let themselves be afraid of a child, and that fear would always remain within them.

Yoohyun watched as well, a sense of triumph welling in him.

Yoohyun had followed along with Yoojin because he was worried. Han So-Hee and Han Jisung no longer loved Yoojin, and when his hyung finished military service, he had heard how they had mocked his hyung. Who was to say that they would not become more cruel to Yoojin, crueler than they already were? Yoohyun had always scared those two, and though when he was younger he may have wished they were not, so that Yoojin would not be forced to choose between them, now he found it useful. If he scared them enough, then they would not dare to try anything against his hyung.

"Hyung, maybe we should look for the old photos. We can take them back with us." And if he moved Yoojin away from them, then maybe the uneasy air would lift and his hyung would speak freely again. "You left some here, right?"

"Oh, those? They're in the storage room." Han So-Hee seemed as eager to get the two out of their sight as Yoohyun was. Han Jisung probably was as well. "Your old room," she clarified, looking towards Yoojin.

Yoojin nodded and walked down the hall to that room, Yoohyun right behind him. Despite the many years it had been since he had last stepped foot in this house, he still remembered its layout well. Of course he did; this was the place where he had grown up.

Opening the door, he saw that the room had indeed been turned into nothing more than a room for storing odds and ends. If there was a thin layer of dust over everything, well, he would not be surprised. Almost everything in the room looked as though it had not been touched in a very long time. Not the shelves, the boxes, or even the table that was right next to the door.

Locating the old photos was not difficult. They were shoved in the very back, inside an envelope that had been sealed and even labeled as "old photos." It was almost as though their parents had wanted to forget completely about the existence of these pictures, as if they were something that could be used to blackmail them. Knowing them, perhaps that was how they viewed them.

"It's a shame I didn't see these when we were younger." Yoojin rifled through the images, speaking only to fill up the silence with something. It was easier when the parents were not there, making the air suffocating with only their presence. "Though I guess I'm just surprised they had any at all. They never hung any of them up, so why take them in the first place?" He wondered if these pictures were only taken at his own insistence, always asking why Yoohyun was not included.

Yoohyun shrugged. Han So-Hee and Han Jisung's existences were ones that did not matter much to him, and so he found no use in letting his mind dwell on thoughts of them. As long as they continued to stay out of the way and leave him and his hyung alone, he did not care about what they did or their reasoning on why.

He heard muttering from the other room, and he wondered what they were talking about if they had to wait for he and Yoojin to be out of the room before speaking. Glancing over, it seemed that his hyung did not hear it, or seemed too preoccupied to care. Or maybe his hyung just did not care about the parents as much as he thought he had.

"Hyung, I'm going to use the bathroom." Yoohyun could not help but want to investigate. What were those two talking about? For all he knew, they could be plotting to get rid of Yoojin, and something like that just would not do. So when his hyung nodded in acknowledgement of his words, he stepped out of the storage room and went quietly towards the living room, where the parents were speaking to each other in low voices. It was clear they did not want whatever they were saying to be heard.

A shame, then, that they forgot just how well the senses of an S-Class were.

"Why, after all these years…?" The father's voice asked. 

"Who knows?" He could hear the disapproval in Han So-Hee's tone, could almost see her shaking her head, even. "Maybe he wants something from us."

Yoohyun wanted to scoff. His hyung would never ask for something from them, he was sure of it. He did not need anything from them, not when all they ever gave was money. It was unlikely there was something else that he would be seeking from them, too, because he had learned not to expect anything else from the parents. 

Han Jisung's words reflected Yoohyun's thoughts. "And what could we even give them? Do you think that anything we give them would be something that they can't get themselves? Besides, he should know better than to ask. Especially since we…" Though he trailed off, Yoohyun knew that he was referring to the time they had refused to help Yoojin.

"I'm surprised he even contacted us at all, after that. Shouldn't he know better?"

Yoohyun had to suppress the urge to strangle the two right then and there, leaving their skin burned beyond repair. They really, really had the gall to talk so casually about how they had treated his hyung like that on purpose? Yoohyun had also left his hyung once, not quite of his own will, and he never wanted to experience that separation again. But Han So-Hee and Han Jisung spoke as though it was only a game, no more difficult than kicking a pebble out of their way when they could merely step over it.

"Well," Han So-Hee continued. "I guess it was too much to hope that he'd just forgotten about us. Or at the very least, completely cut us off the same way we did." She sighed, disappointed. "Hopefully this is the last time we see him. Him and…"

Han Jisung spoke again, his voice full of loathing. "Stop talking like that. It's clear that Han Yoojin is just as abnormal as he is, caring for him like he's just another kid."

Something unpleasant was burning up inside of Yoohyun, more fiercely than it already had been.

The two were talking a bit louder now, becoming less cautious as they kept going, still believing that they both went unheard. They were blissfully unaware that Yoohyun was right around the corner, listening to every hateful word that came out of their mouths. He could hear all too clearly how heartless their voices were.

Yoohyun could hear how they wished that he was never born. How they wished Yoojin did not move out of the house for him like that. How they might have supported Yoojin if Yoojin did not care so much for Yoohyun.

"We could've been a normal family if not for Yoohyun. Yoojin might've grown up normal, that way."

And Yoohyun saw red. He saw red, burning up the house in flames, the parents in it, crying desperately for help that would never come. He raged. It was not because Han So-Hee and Han Jisung hated him, no. He had known for a long time that they hated him. He raged for his hyung. How could their love for Yoojin be so fragile? How could they even claim to have loved Yoojin at all, if their love hinged on how Yoojin loved?

He keeps himself from burning the place down, or at least, causing any immediate damage. But he could not just stand there any longer, and so he stormed into the room. 

Yoohyun tried to keep his voice steady, betraying nothing of the infernal anger he held. "You're not as quiet as you think you are."

The parents turned in shock, and he remembered then that there was no point in pretending to be calm. No matter how he tried to speak, or act, or anything at all, the two would always look at him with fear. 

This time, though, they were not so quick to cow and bend. Even though Yoohyun was much more frightening than he was as a child, they spoke back. Years of bitterness, bitterness that they had Yoohyun as a child, spilled over and spurred them into speaking back at him.

"You heard everything, huh?" Han Jisung snarled at him, as if it would do anything to shake Yoohyun. "Well, isn't it the truth? It's like you turned Han Yoojin into your bitch- Your own brother! Always making him run around doing errands for you. How many jobs did he have to work so that you could have your precious house away from here? How many times did he go across the street at night to get you something you asked for?"

Han So-Hee looked more reserved than her husband did, but she looked back at Yoohyun all the same, eyes full of displeasure, agreeing with what had been said. "Han Yoohyun, did you ever think about how difficult that might have been on him? It's like you were treating him like some sort of dog. He was supposed to be your brother, not-" She waved her hand around in a vague gesture. "Whatever you treat him like now."

And Yoohyun lunged forward, holding them down with a sword of flames, the fire leaping up at their throats. They really knew nothing of what they spoke; it was their fault that Yoojin had this sort of relationship with him at all. If they had taken some of the burden from his hyung's shoulders, they would not be in this situation at all, and yet they spoke as though they had nothing to do with it.

Even so, his hyung was never forced into doing anything for Yoohyun. Back then, when things were simpler, Yoojin could have refused Yoohyun anytime he wanted, and Yoohyun would have listened and learned how to take care of himself. Yoohyun still could not always get his way with Yoojin now, when the stakes were not what dessert would be but whether they would escape from a situation unscathed. There were always times when Yoohyun found himself bowing to whatever it was his hyung wanted.

"You're mistaken," he tells them. "It's not him who's the dog."

The parents did not get the chance to respond.

"Yoohyun-ah?"

Chapter Text

"Yoohyun-ah, what do you think you're doing?" His hyung demanded. He was angry, but unlike the parents, there was no trace of fear in his voice.

There was a flash of something in the parents' eyes. Yoohyun was not sure what it was. Perhaps it had something to do with how Yoojin could scold him like this so freely without danger, or perhaps it was something to do with guilt, because it was not they who raised Yoohyun. If they had, then they would be the ones scolding him now, instead of Yoojin, their other child. This situation would not have arisen at all.

And then it disappeared. Of course. Why would they feel guilt only now, after so many years had passed? They had their chance, had their chances over and over again, all throughout their younger years, and they always chose not to take it.

Yoohyun looked back at Yoojin calmly, as though threatening one's parents was a normal thing to do. 

Nothing was said for a moment, tension thick in the air. The flames did not back away from the throats of Han So-Hee and Han Jisung. Yoojin did not move to help them, and Yoohyun did not move to release them. 

"Hyung," Yoohyun spoke first, shattering the silence. "Do you really want to stop me?"

It sounded like a threat, and no doubt that was what the parents heard, but Yoojin could read the meaning underneath the question, hidden in the slightest difference of tone. Yoohyun was not threatening him. He was asking if Yoojin cared enough for the two to stop him. He was asking if Yoojin found the parents worth saving.

Yoojin stayed silent, his gaze dropping to the floor with guilt. He did not know the answer.

Disappointment was reflected in his dongsaeng's eyes, but Yoohyun got up regardless. He released Han So-Hee and Han Jisung, walking over to Yoojin so that he could speak and be heard only by Yoojin.

"Sorry, hyung." He spoke quietly, and he almost sounded apologetic. "But they were saying some things, and… I'll wait outside. I think you should talk to them by yourself." He turned back and glared at the still-stunned Han So-Hee and Han Jisung, a warning that were they to try anything, he would not be stopped this time from slaughtering them. Yoohyun knew that there were some things they would only say to his hyung if he was not in the room, but he still did not like the idea of leaving his hyung alone with them. For the sake of getting his hyung to see just how twisted those two were, though, it was necessary.

Yoohyun went through the front door, hesitating a moment before closing it behind him. And just like that, it was just Yoojin and his parents. For a long, long moment, he did nothing but stare silently down at the two. They were still on the floor, scorch marks all around them and fading traces of fear from being held down and dangled so close to death. There was nothing he could think of to say. If he asked them what they did to set Yoohyun off, would they answer? 

He supposed it was not a question of whether they would answer, but whether they would answer truthfully. 

Han Yoojin did not care about his parents as much as he thought that he should have. But he was a caregiver, so much so that it was the title he received when he awakened, and so he went to get the first aid kit anyways. It was in his nature to care too much for others, even if those others did not deserve it. 

He crouched down in front of the two and opened the tube of burn cream. "Sorry," he said. "I didn't think things would turn out this way." Yet, even as he apologized, he could not bring himself to look directly at them. He did not know if his apology was sincere.

It was Han So-Hee who chose to respond. "No, it's us who should be sorry. For making you raise him."

Yoojin paused. There was something more to that statement, he could already tell. He asked, carefully, testing her, "What do you mean?"

Han So-Hee paused. For a moment, Yoojin thought that she knew he was cautious, but then she continued. "Your… brother, he isn't trying to do anything to you, is he? You were always a good kid. If Han Yoohyun is… if he's threatening you, if he was anything on you, we…" She looked up, and Yoojin's eyes met hers. "We'll try to help you. It's the least we can do, after… After those years." 

Yoojin's gaze sharpened. The implication was clear in her words; that none of this was really Yoojin's fault. He could blame it all on his dongsaeng if he wanted to and start anew, leaving Yoohyun behind to reconnect with his parents. 

Yet, the words did nothing but anger Yoojin. Here his mother was, thinking she was extending to him an olive branch, a chance to be close again, to be family as they were before, but all it did was reinforce the bitter taste that her name left when he even spoke it. Did she really think this was an opportunity he would take? Yoojin already had a family, and that was Yoohyun, and Peace, and even Yerim. Why would he leave them behind now, after all that he had done for them? After all they had done for him? 

Leaving his dongsaeng behind was not something he could ever do, not again. 

He could hear, too, the fear in her voice. It was an ever-present thing that had always surfaced when Yoohyun was involved; he remembered it well, rising into her voice whenever he used to ask why Yoohyun was not included in something. She was only trying to save herself, to endear herself to him just a bit so that he would not call in Yoohyun to finish the job. 

He found himself feeling a bit insulted. Though Yoojin was less than fond of them, a result of what they thought of Yoohyun, did they really think he would do that? That he would come all this way only to kill them? They were not worth sparing the effort for. Whatever they thought of him, he did not care enough to do anything about it. Even if they tried to spread rumors, well, he was no stranger to those either.

Yoojin stood up, and he found himself feeling even less forgiving than he already was. "Yoohyun-ie was a good kid, too. You just never took the time to notice." He dropped the tube of burn cream onto the floor and walked over to the kitchen, not wanting to even look at the parents. "You can apply it yourself. You're grown-ups, after all."

Han Jisung laughed. It was an ugly noise. Yoojin's face twisted, and he thought that Yoohyun's laughs, as rare as they were, would not have grated on his ears like this one did. He wondered how these two people managed to bring about someone as perfect as Yoohyun. 

"I see how it is, then," Han Jisung said, and Yoojin could hear him get up and walk closer. "You're both freaks, aren't you? Everyone could tell that there was something wrong with your little brother, but you-" He stopped in front of Yoojin, leering down at the person he once considered a son. "You took to him just like a fish to water. There's something wrong with both of you."

Yoojin's eyes glanced over at Han So-Hee. She said nothing, but her lips were pursed, and he could tell from her expression that she agreed with Han Jisung.

Han Jisung continued, a sneer on his face. "You're both so close to each other. Too close, I think. We used to think that it was Yoohyun who couldn't live without you, but seeing how you are now, I can't help but think that maybe it's the other way around. Neither of you could ever get anyone to stick around you because you both were too busy being each other's only friend. Even when most kids started dating, all you two ever did was stick to each other! No friends, no girlfriends- hell, I wouldn't be surprised if you two were each other's girlfriends at this point! Every role that should've been someone else's to fill always ended up being your brother's, over and over and over."

Yoojin scowled and tried to stay curt, knowing that this was meant to get a rise out of him. "Yoohyun was right, this was a waste of time." Listening to Han Jisung as he listed all those complaints, complaints that had bubbled up over the years, would do nothing but further sour his mood. Han Jisung seemed to agree too, glaring at Yoojin one more time before backing up, watching as Han So-Hee went to continue with her own words.

"A waste of our time as well. We should have known you wouldn't see reason." Han So-Hee shook her head in disappointment. "I wish we never decided to have another child. Maybe you would've turned out normal, and this all could have been avoided."

He turned away. Again, they kept on blaming Yoohyun. The thought that he should have just let Yoohyun burn them up absently flits through Yoojin's mind, but he dismisses it. It would be better to just leave the conversation as it was, and never speak to Han So-Hee or Han Jisung again. 

Yet, if they were voicing their complaints, their resentments, why should he not do the same? They were his parents once, but no longer. He no longer lived under a roof provided by them and saw them as a figure of authority in his life as he used to; he was grown now, and there was no punishment they could threaten him with that he cared about. "Maybe if you actually tried to be parents, you wouldn't hate him so much."

"You think we didn't?" She had walked closer, and now her voice was just behind him. "Do you know how guilty we felt, at first? We tried, but he just didn't respond to anything we did. He never cried, he never laughed, he never did anything but lay there and stare blankly."

Yoojin's fingers curled into a fist on the counter, and he tried to focus on the feeling of cold marble. He wished she would stop talking and join Han Jisung in his brooding. Angry silence was better than this. "You clearly didn't try hard enough," he muttered, quietly.

She did not hear him though, or maybe she just was not listening to him. Both were possible. "It's not our fault that he's damaged. There's just something wrong with him, and it wasn't something we knew how to fix."

No, she was wrong. If there was anyone that was broken, it was them, not Yoohyun. But though he wanted to tell her this, to tell her to stop talking, Yoojin did not say anything. He tried not to think about what was being said, tried instead to focus on staying calm. A breath in, a breath out. He heard nothing. He could not let himself hear.

"I've seen the news, you know. How much destruction he's caused."

In, out. Yoojin would not do anything rash. Shut up, he thought.

"You act like we're at fault, but clearly you didn't do much better than we could've, if he's allowed to do things like that."

Under his hands, the cold surface of the counter felt almost freezing. Shut up. Yoojin's nails dug into the flesh of his hand. 

"In fact, if that's what he does, then it would be better if he hadn't existed at all."

Better if Yoohyun did not exist at all?

How dare she. How dare she. Han So-Hee had no right to act all haughty, saying stupid things like that. How dare they both, saying that Yoohyun was nothing but a heartless monster. They knew nothing. They did not know that Yoohyun was dead somewhere, his body as cold as snow, lost in a place beyond the world, that his existence really had been erased like they wished he was. Yoohyun was dead, had died for Yoojin, and they had the nerve to claim that Yoohyun was better off that way, gone and forgotten outside of reality? His Yoohyun, who would choose his own death over his hyung's, was worth nothing? They knew nothing about Yoohyun, and yet here they were, pretending that they did. Pretending that they were more human than him, as if they knew anything about being human.

How could they ever, ever claim that his dongsaeng was nothing but a burden? They were foolish, they were worse than foolish; they chose to stay ignorant, never taking care of Yoohyun and then saying Yoohyun's existence should never have been.

The frigid counter was under his hands. In his hands. He should not have stopped Yoohyun from burning them up. That would have been the least they deserved. 

Yoojin finally snapped, and turned to face Han So-Hee. "SHUT UP!" 

Han So-Hee stared back at him, shocked. As Yoojin looked into her eyes, a feeling of triumph rose up in him. Finally, he managed to surprise her, to show her that he was not just a good kid who had been corrupted by Yoohyun. That there were parts in him, ugly, sharp parts that would not hesitate to stab at them for saying such terrible things about his dongsaeng. That if they had favored Yoohyun all that time ago, they would not have been subject to this side of him.

And then Han Jisung shouted something. Yoojin could not understand what he was saying, the words muffled in his ears. He could hear, though, that the words were not angry, but panicked. 

He blinked and looked down. A knife was embedded in Han So-Hee's chest, the handle in his hands.

Chapter Text

Yoojin's hands trembled as he let go of the knife, thoughts steeped in panic. What had he done? 

"Oh- Oh god, I didn't-"

I didn't mean to, he wanted to say. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. But the words stayed in his throat; he did not know if they were true. Perhaps he did mean to plunge the knife into Han So-Hee. Perhaps, for a brief moment, he had listened to that part of him that said she and Han Jisung were better off dead. That they deserved it, for refusing to care for Yoohyun. If he did not mean to, then surely he would not have done it at all.

He stared wordlessly at the red stain darkening the front of Han So-Hee's clothes. The apology never came, not even as Han Jisung rushed forward to hold his wife as she collapsed to the floor. 

Yoojin did not even notice when it happened. The knife under his hands had not even registered to him as a knife, and now he had gone and stabbed his mother with it.

He should have realized that his hands were around the knife. He should have walked somewhere else, anywhere but the kitchen, where such dangerous objects lay. He should never have come here again.

Han Jisung's berating words, frenzied and desperate as he watched Han So-Hee bleed out, did not even register in Yoojin's mind as anything but dull noises. Horror creeped up in his lungs, and he was suffocating on it, the air being pushed out of him by the shock of what he had done.

A familiar presence cut through, reaching out to him with warm hands. Yoojin grasped for it blindly, and fabric found itself in his curled fingers as he clutched onto it like a lifeline. 

"Hyung. Hyung, are you okay?" 

He could feel his head being guided to look up, and his eyes met Yoohyun's. From his view, there was no mistaking what had happened; the knife embedded in Han So-Hee's chest as she choked on her blood, collapsed into Han Jisung's arms as Yoojin only stood there uselessly, distress on his face and blood on his hands. 

All of it went ignored by Yoohyun. He only worried about his hyung, his hands holding his Yoojin's face in concern. "Hyung?"

"I-" Yoojin struggled to draw in a breath. It was easier, now, with his dongsaeng filling his vision, but it was still difficult. He had really killed someone. Yoojin had killed before, but those had been strangers, people who had been a threat to himself and Yoohyun. Han So-Hee, while far from being someone he could say he knew anymore, was far from being a threat. She was cruel, an awful person, but that was all. Yoojin should have just turned around and left, dropped the matter of parents from his mind as quickly as it came, and yet he did not, and now he had pushed who was once his mother into the grasps of death. And he did not even realize when he did.

Yoohyun pulled him close, ignoring the red splatters on Yoojin's clothes. "It's okay, hyung. I'll take care of it."

Yoojin nodded, still numb, gaze still a bit vacant. At least, if nothing else, he could still hear Yoohyun clearly through the haze. At least there was Yoohyun.

When Yoohyun pulled back, he looked only at his hyung. He did not look at the scene behind him, or listen to the desperate pleas of Han Jisung, begging for an ambulance to be called. "Go shower," he told Yoojin. "I'll take care of it."

His dongsaeng sounded so sure that Yoojin could not help but to believe his words, and so he nodded once more and did as he was told. It was far from the first time that Yoohyun had to deal with situations like this, he was sure of that. Maybe it would even be easier than those times, to deal with those two in particular.

Yoojin stopped by the washing machine, placing his clothes in and starting it up before continuing on to the bathroom. What a shame; Yoohyun did not have a choice but to be acquainted with such gruesome scenes, did he? Not when his first years away had been spent alone with too many attempts made on his life. If Yoojin had been there, maybe he would have been the one that was more familiar with cleaning up after these kinds of things. He would have been able to protect his dongsaeng in the way that he was meant to, instead of the way it was now. Instead, Yoohyun was the one who had to comfort him, not just from the present but from reminders of a future that was no longer, and now things were so horribly reversed. 

He stepped into the shower. Guilt welled up in him; he should have known Yoohyun was struggling during those times, instead of turning his head and assuming that Yoohyun was simply done with him. There were hardly any secrets between him and Yoohyun when they were both younger. He should have known that there was more to it when Yoohyun refused to tell him anything.

At least he could try to make up for it now, even if it was just somewhat. Yoojin did not seek forgiveness from Yoohyun; Yoohyun had always been quick to forgive his hyung, and he knew that if he were to ask his dongsaeng for it now, it would be no different. Yoohyun had always been weak to his hyung. No, what he sought was to serve penance for those old failures.

And maybe that was why Yoojin had contacted Han So-Hee and Han Jisung in the first place, but it had only served to make things worse.

The water was on now, but Yoojin could barely feel it running down his skin. It was like rain on a window; dull, muted. Everything was fuzzy, as if he were peering through a television screen full of static, and nothing else. It was probably from shock. Otherwise, his fear resistance might have done something, offset at least something.

He did not know how long he just stood there in that shower, letting the water run and run, taking his thoughts with it. Slowly, he felt the pattern of his breathing again, and clarity crept back into his mind, as if that fog in his head was washed down the drain alongside the traces of blood on his skin.

It was silent, save for the sound of the water hitting the floor. Han Jisung had stopped yelling at some point, though he did not notice when, exactly.

He should stop wasting his time here, drowning in unsavory thoughts. There were things to do, and Yoohyun still needed his hyung, after all.

Yoojin turned off the shower and stepped out into the master bedroom. From the dresser, there were clothes to wear, clean ones, and he put them on. They looked to be Han Jisung's. He tried not to think about how the fabric felt against his skin. It was disgusting, worse than having blood on him, wearing the clothes of someone who discarded his children. 

These thoughts flit through his head, hateful, and he realized that he really did mean to stab her. 

He walked back to the washing machine and moved his clothes into the dryer; the sooner they were dry, the better. He did not want to wear these clothes for any longer than he had to.

Yoojin really did mean to kill with that knife. Whether he thought it was justified was another question, and one he did not care to think about at the moment.

Yoohyun was washing his hands at the sink when Yoojin stepped back into the kitchen. There were no traces left of Han So-Hee or Han Jisung; only the smell of ash and embers, of a flame recently put out. 

He did not need to ask to know what had happened.

Yoojin swayed on his feet. He was tired. He was so, so tired. He wished they never came here, wished that he never picked up the phone and dialed that number. None of this would have happened if he had just continued to keep his distance like he had been for the past years. 

He would not have learned that their deaths shook him, but not as much as he thought that they would. Not as much as they should have. Yoojin was shocked, surprised that he was the one who wielded the blade first and killed in such a personal manner, but he found no feelings of grief in him. If anything, he only felt guilty that he did not feel more. He should have felt more. They used to be his parents, he should feel awful, devastated, but there was a horrible lack of anything that resembled sadness. A chasm of nothing was slotted in the place that guilt and grief should have been.

Like father, like son, as the saying went. Han Jisung did not feel guilt about neglecting his offspring, and so neither did Yoojin feel guilt for Han Jisung or Han So-Hee.

His dongsaeng silently wrapped his coat around him. It was clean, of course. Fire left hardly a trace, if any at all. 

"Hyung, let's go to sleep. We can leave in the morning." It had been an exhausting day, and Yoohyun could tell with ease that it had taken a toll on Yoojin's mind. It was made much more obvious when his hyung agreed without resistance, even though neither of them wanted to stay any longer in this house than necessary.

They went to sleep in the master bedroom, where Han So-Hee and Han Jisung slept. Used to sleep. The old bedrooms were long gone, after all, repurposed into something else. Not that those beds would have been big enough for both of them if they were still there, anyways.

Yet, despite the exhaustion clawing at him, Yoojin found himself unable to sleep. The day's events swirled in his mind again and again, along with some of the words that had been spoken. Absently, something that Han Jisung said arose to the forefront.

"You're both so close to each other. Too close, I think. We used to think that it was Yoohyun who couldn't live without you, but seeing how you are now, I can't help but think that maybe it's the other way around."

And Han Jisung had been right. Yoojin was proving him right even now, had been for a while, unable to sleep without Yoohyun next to him, chasing away the nightmares of a cold body and blood dripping with venom. What else had he been right about?

"Every role that should've been someone else's to fill always ended up being your brother's."

He forgot; had Han Jisung been talking about Yoohyun, or himself? He supposed it did not matter. Han Jisung was dead, and the statement applied to both of them.

What they had was never appropriate, not completely. He had known this, so why only now did it start to bother him? Maybe it was because those words had sparked a realization in his mind. A thought of something forbidden, something he should not have. Or maybe it had always been there, just without a name and not tangible enough for him to pay it any notice. 

Yoojin glanced over at his dongsaeng, whose eyes were closed and his breathing even, and wondered if Yoohyun had the same feeling. It was not that unlikely; he knew by now that Yoohyun was not interested in much, not unless it involved Yoojin himself. Yoohyun had never cared or wanted anything unless it was his hyung, or if his hyung had something to do with it. 

Yoohyun's eyes drifted open, as if he could feel Yoojin's gaze on him. "Hyung, what is it?"

Yoojin glanced away. Still, this was not something he wanted to admit out loud and so suddenly. "It's nothing. Go back to sleep, Yoohyun-ah."

"Really?" Perhaps it was the night. Perhaps it was because it was just the two of them, alone in the bedroom, but Yoohyun found himself pushing Yoojin about it. "But if it's nothing, then why are you looking at me like that?" Perhaps he just wanted to know what it was that his hyung had on his mind, if his hyung was thinking about him as much as he thought about his hyung.

Yoojin hesitated to respond. What was he supposed to say? Nothing that he could say came to mind. Not here, and not now. It would be inappropriate at best, and downright disrespectful at worst. To the late owners of this bed, or to Yoohyun, he was not sure. 

"Hyung." Yoohyun shifted closer, insistent. He had to know. "If you want something, I can give it to you. I don't mind."

"There's nothing I want," Yoojin said, but he knew the moment he spoke those words that he had said them too fast and too quickly for his dongsaeng to not notice that something was amiss. 

Yoohyun pouted. "Hyung is lying again." 

He could not deny the statement, not when he had been caught so plainly. Yoojin could feel Yoohyun moving even closer, the sound of rustling blankets accompanying the movement, and when he looked up again, his dongsaeng's head was barely a finger's length from his own. 

Yoohyun gently knocked their foreheads together. Yoojin thought momentarily that he should have been surprised at the sudden proximity, but he was not. For the two of them, the lack of distance was normal, had always been normal. What was new was the way that Yoohyun's gaze lingered on his lips. Or perhaps that, too, had always been there, and was only noticed now. "But, I think I know what Hyung wants. It's the same thing that I want, isn't it?"

Ah, of course Yoohyun had those thoughts as well. After everything that had happened, was it really that strange? More unusual things had already occurred. There had never been a reason for Yoojin to be so worried about it.

When Yoohyun pressed their lips together, Yoojin did not resist, melting into the touch instead, reciprocating the motion. 

They were brothers. They were related, and neither of them had any experience. It should not have, and yet, it felt as natural as breathing.

Of course, neither of them could breathe without the other anyways.

All the worries from the day disappeared from Yoojin's mind, evaporating and turning to nothing as it all clicked together, fitting perfectly into the places that they belonged. Like this, everything was as it should be.

There was something almost heretic about doing this here. Doing this in a bed meant originally for their parents, for two lovers, and now it was being used by their shunned children for the same purposes as one last affront. This was what Han So-Hee and Han Jisung had sown all those years ago. 

They had not been good for much, after all. The parents had outlived their usefulness a long time ago. They had spurned Yoohyun and Yoojin, having hardly been there for them at all. They deserved nothing from either of their children, not a single bit of repayment. The only thing that their children could thank them for at all was for bringing forth the circumstances that allowed them to meet, for setting the stage in the first place. Beyond that, they were worth nothing.

Not that Han So-Hee or Han Jisung could hear any thanks anymore. They had left their children's lives, and now the world of the living.

Perhaps that was the way that things were meant to be.