Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“And if we look at the reader statistics for your article, Colin, we can safely say that you are ready to have your own column. Your numbers are consistent and the reader’s letters are favorable as well. But, here comes the most important question of all: Are you up to the task?”

Colin knew that writing a column was a bigger responsibility. He had to draft a concept and publish weekly. But it had been his biggest wish for years, so he felt no hesitation when he said: 

“Of course. I have been coming up with some ideas myself. If Fife is up for it, I would like to schedule a meeting to discuss the concept.”

Fife was the editor of the travel section of the magazine and good at his job.

If only he hadn’t the reputation of hooking up with the interns.

Because of this fact, he was a very frequent and unwelcome case at the Human Resources department. 

“I have time after this meeting, ” Colin added.

“Perfect”, their head-editor Polly resumed, “I want the proposal by tomorrow 12 pm on my desk.”

Colin stifled a groan. He knew how lucky he was that she agreed to his travel column in the first place. Their head-editor, a lady in her 40’s whose bob cut and red framed sunglasses would even put Anna Wintour to shame. But what was remarkable about her is that she was one of the rare people in the industry, who was not a nepo baby. She had clawed her way up to the top, her magazine had originally begun as a project for her journalism undergraduate degree. 

But that also meant that she was not one to take too many risks and had strict work ethics. Colin was sure she would have fired Fife in a heartbeat if it was not for his stellar work. 

“Then I guess the meeting is adjourned.”

“Polly, a moment,” came a voice from the back of the room.

Their head-editor was stunned to see Felicity, one of the timid interns, speak up. But she sat down nonetheless: 

“I heard that you were searching for a writer for the gossip column. Has there been any news about who will take the place?”

Colin knew for a fact that Felicity was interested in shadowing the work of the new gossip columnist, however the position had been vacant for weeks, and Colin also had the suspicion that Polly wanted to scrap the segment altogether.

However he could not have been further from the truth: 

“In fact, there is a person”, Polly replied with all the patience she could muster as she was clearly late for another meeting, “She has graduated from Oxford with a degree in English Language and Literature and has quite a few publications under her name. In fact, Mr. Bridgerton might know her.”

“Pardon me?”

Colin had the most quizzical look on his face. Much to Polly’s surprise. 

“Your sister Eloise recommended her to me. When I visited your brother Benedict’s gallery last weekend. So I gave her a call and after a few application rounds, I gave her the job. I thought you knew.”

A cold shiver ran down Colin’s spine as Polly started to spell out his premonition: 

“Penelope Featherington will be joining us as the new Celebrity Gossip columnist.”

“Oh!”, Felicity jumped up and quickly sat down, clasping her hands to her chest. “I am so sorry for the disruption. I am just such a big fan. I loved her take on The Royal Wedding in 2011 and she is a fellow alumni of mine.”

“Understandable”, Polly nodded, “I also asked myself why I went through the trouble of having her apply for the job. Her work speaks for itself.”

With that, she stood up and everyone exited the room one by one leaving a disgruntled Colin Bridgerton at the desk. Whose heart was beating so wildly against his chest that he wondered how he could breathe.

"Bridgerton"

He looked up to see that Fife handed him a cup of coffee while taking a seat across from him. 

Attempting to distract himself, Colin looked from his notes, back to Fife and tried to calm his breathing, but to no avail. She was not even here, but she had already occupied too much space. 

“I am sorry, Fife. I’m gonna need a minute.”

He rushed out of the conference room with a tight grip on his phone. 

—---------------------------------------------------

“Eloise, how could you do this to me?”

There was a pause at the other end of the line, before his sister replied sheepishly: 

“So you know, huh.”

“I could have known sooner if it was not for you not telling me.”

“Well, would you have been in favor of her working there?”

“Of course not! I would have objected.”

“You see where I am going with this?”

Colin had to take in a deep breath as he leaned against his car. He had deliberated stopping by at his sister’s place, but then realized that it would be foolish to cancel the meeting with Fife. 

“Fine, then let me ask you this”, he ground out, “Why here? She could have found a job anywhere else.”

“Because she moved to Mayfair a few months ago and her new apartment is close to the company. Besides, she always wanted to work with Polly.”

Colin could not retort anything to that. He only felt a little sting because he knew neither of those things.  

And it was not like he owned the company. He was only surprised that she would be willing to apply here when he- 

“By the way, you are not the only one I had to keep in the dark. She doesn’t know you work there.”

He quickly perked up at that and there was a glint in his eyes: 

“She doesn’t know?”

“Yes, so please remain civil when she arrives. I am tired of holding two birthday parties every year. You two were even closer than me and her so I often wonder what happened that you would be at each other’s throats for so long.”

Colin decided to ignore the last part and looking up to the company building with a mischievous smile on his face, he said: 

“I promise. I will be civil with her.”

With that, he hung up to go back to his meeting with Fife while ruminating over how he could get back at her. A skip in his step, he could not control his smile at the prospect of seeing her flabbergasted face on her first day at work.

Chapter Text

“Bridgerton!”

And with that, Colin woke up from his reverie to meet the exasperated gaze of Fife, who had waved his hands in front of him the whole time. 

“If you are in no state of mind to discuss your proposal, then-”

“No, no I’m fine”, Colin assured him and sat upright, taking a look at his notes. 

Fife did not seem quite convinced, but he let this one go and proposed: 

“I tell you what: how about we relocate this meeting and you and I visit that new jazz bar that opened in Soho.”

Colin was wise enough to know what this visit would entail. They certainly would not discuss work.  He would be playing Fife’s wingman, flirting with other women to feel better about himself and finally engaging in a one-night stand that would make him feel hungover and increase his self-loathing the very next day. 

It was embarrassing, really. He was in his thirties, most of his brothers were married and even Eloise found someone who would put up with her temper. So why was it hard for him to be in a long and committed relationship? It did not help that he slowly gained the reputation of being everyone’s favourite single uncle. 

“So, are you down?”

A message popped up on his phone. It was Eloise: 

“Just a heads up: Her first day starts tomorrow.”

Oh, what the hell. He could deal with a little self loathing for one more night. 

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile Penelope was in her apartment unpacking her last box. Eloise threw her hand in the air, clearly at a loss for words when it came to her  friend’s habit of procrastinating: 

“You still have not finished unpacking?”

“Well”, her friend mumbled under her breath, “I save a box for each day so that it feels like I’m opening a new gift box every day.”

“Sure, sure.”

Fishing out her drying rack, Eloise said wryly: 

“Who would not love to be gifted with a mini drying rack?”

Penelope only rolled her eyes at her friend and put the drying rack by the cabinet in her spare room. 

“So”, Eloise loudly proclaimed from the living room, “Are you excited about your first day at work?”

“A little”, she admitted, while checking her reflection in the mirror at the entrance. She had tried to conceal her eye bags. The first nights at the apartment had been rough for her, sleep continued to elude her and it did not help that she felt the pressure of working on this new piece with Eloise. 

“I mean we both know the real reason why I applied for a job there. It will not be easy to hide that secret from my colleagues.”

“And I am sorry to place that burden on you.”

Penelope returned to the living room, staring at Eloise who was popping the bubble wraps and looked up at her with a sheepish smile: 

“But you can call me anytime to share the burden.”

“I know I can”, she smiled, “And I am grateful, I truly am. I have always wanted to work with Polly, although not as a gossip columnist, but it’s only temporary.”

She was surprised to see that her friend could still not quite meet her eyes despite her reassurance: 

“Eloise, is something the matter?”

“No, not at all. I was just wondering how depressing it is that we are spending our evening popping bubble wrap when we could have visited that new jazz bar in Soho Benedict recommended.”

“Well, what about Phillip and the kids?”

“They are at my mother’s place. Well, the kids, not Phillip. He is on a work trip in Cambridge and holding a lecture at a symposium.” 

Penelope knew that Eloise’s kids could be quite a handful: 

“Your poor mother. Is she the only one to look after them?”

Eloise shifted a little uncomfortably on her seat on the floor and muttered: 

“Colin has been keeping them company too.”

“Oh.”

Eloise could not quite read the expression on her friend’s face, but there was no use in keeping her in the dark when she deliberately withheld the truth about tomorrow from her. 

“Let’s go then”, Penelope said and stood up, a jovial, but very strained smile plastered on her face.  She reached out for another box that spelled ‘Clothes’. 

“You cannot be serious, Pen.”

“Hey, at least they are washed.”

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“And what do you do for work?”

“I’m a travel journalist.”

She leaned forward, taking a sip from his Whiskey and not being able to suppress her distaste for it. Colin chuckled at her clumsy but effective flirting attempt. It had been only half an hour that he had made her acquaintance, yet she was bold enough to pull this move on him. 

"Interesting. How many countries have you travelled to so far?”

“51. And you?”

“52.”

She chuckled when he raised his eyebrows in surprise: 

“I’m kidding. So far I have only travelled within Europe, so about 24-25 countries. But I always wanted to travel to Southeast Asia.”

“You definitely should”, he almost burst out remembering his time in Hanoi and the Phi Phi Islands, “The beautiful landscapes aside, I have found that people there tend to be more amiable than those in London. It’s a nice change of pace from our dark humour and the depressing London weather, that’s for sure.”

But when he saw that her smile turned a tad irritated, he realised that she was not one to indulge him in his tales. And if he was still in doubt, the next gesture could not have made it more obvious. 

She touched his arms and drew circles on the fabric of his jacket: 

“How about you tell me more about your travel stories, but with less clothes on?”

He gulped, but his befuddled expression was soon replaced by a smirk: 

“My place is available.”

“Perfect. You’re driving?”

“Happy to.”

With that, she stepped down from her bar stool while he offered her his hand. Colin had liked what he saw: blonde hair falling in locks down her shoulders and a red one-piece that hugged her curves. He was happy to know that the attraction was mutual, considering that he did not put in that much effort today having headed here straight after work. 

He shot a look in Fife's direction, who was busy chatting up the barkeeper and let him know that he would call it a night. Fife looked at his company and gave him an approving nod. 

When they exited the dim-lit bar, with her grabbing his hand and him giving it a squeeze, they were greeted by the cold wind blowing indeed. Figuratively and metaphorically. 

Because they bumped into two women, one of whom recognized him immediately: 

“Colin, what are you doing here?”

But Colin’s eyes found the redhead beside her. The blood drained from his face and it was as if someone knocked the wind out of his lungs. 

“Gah, I- uh-”

She quickly averted her gaze from him, giving him no chance to decipher the expression on her face. He noticed that she changed a lot in the span of fifteen years. Her freckles were gone, her once frizzy hair cascaded down her shoulders and her once baggy clothes were replaced with what appeared to be an emerald green cocktail dress that left her shoulders bare. 

It was his company’s less than subtle cough that finally snapped him from his thoughts. His voice felt very foreign to him, his tongue awfully heavy: 

“Eloise, this is-”

“Elena”, she supplied with a less than patient tone and he let out an embarrassed chuckle. 

“Of course, Elena. And Elena, this is my sister Eloise and her friend.”

At that last part, Penelope’s eyes snapped up to him and he could see that she was holding back an incredulous sneer, which made him avert his gaze yet again. Somehow, he could not bring himself to spell her name.

“A pleasure to meet you”, Elena remarked and tugged at his arm.

Eloise, who was quick to read the room for a change, finally freed him from his torment: 

“Enjoy your night, you two. Let’s go, Penelope.”

After Eloise and Penelope entered the bar, Elena turned to him and said: 

“Well, that was awkward?”

“What do you mean?”

“You said that Penelope girl is your sister’s friend, but if I had not known better, I could have sworn that she wanted to have you dead on the spot.”

So it was not just him who felt that way. Colin thought that it was better to play it off. 

“Oh, don’t mind her. She has a resting bitch face,” he said while stressing the bitch part.

“Is that so?”

She did not appear quite convinced, but they both forgot about it soon enough as he walked her to his car. 

—------------------------------------------------

“How are you doing?”

Penelope stared at the green olives floating in her martini. She poked one of them and munched on it. 

“I am doing fine, I guess. I could not have avoided him forever, could I? Especially when he also lives here.”

Taking a sip from her drink, she added:

“I see that he has not changed one bit.” Penelope growled.

Eloise winced at her friend’s remark. On the one hand, she wanted to defend her brother against her friend’s scathing assessment, while on the other hand she had enough sense to know that she did not have the full picture. She still was left in the dark about what transpired between the two of them. 

“He is still living the bachelor life, but I reckon it’s by default. And he has a successful career right now. As do you.”

Penelope mused about the way she had run into him. How he looked at her, truly both gobsmacked and at a loss for words. She was surprised to realise that there was barely any loathing in his gaze considering the way she had left him 14 years ago. 

In essence, what he said was true. She was Eloise’s friend first and foremost and that was what led to their first meet cute 17 years ago, on a Friday afternoon in December. 

—--------------------------------------

17 years ago

“Please, Pen. You are famous for your blueberry scones and you know how I can barely boil water without making a mess.”

“You exaggerate, El.”

But Penelope could not help  but giggle. Her friend’s antics always seemed cute to her. The way she would place her hands on her hips and pout made it irresistible not to give in to her plea. 

She shut down her book and ruffled her dress before she stood up. 

“I’m in, but I have one condition.”

Eloise’s smile widened and she looked at her, like a puppy anticipating its treat. 

“I’m listening.”

But then, Penelope changed her mind. She decided to torture her friend with a little agony. 

“I will do this favour for you but one day, I expect you to cash it in. Without a protest.”

“You are a menace, you know that?”

A wicked smile played on Penelope’s lips. 

“But if I did not miss my brother so much, I would have already refused.”

The brother in question was Colin Bridgerton, the third born son of the Bridgertons and someone Penelope up until now only heard about. He had been studying at a prep school in Eton and was notorious for being a foodie and a travel enthusiast. At the age of 18, he had already travelled to more than 20 countries. Penelope had only been to two: Ireland and Scotland. Which is why she listened in awe whenever Eloise shared his travel stories with her.

“How weak the heart of a woman is.” Penelope sighed

“Did you just quote Shakespeare to me?”Eloise replied, with a surprised look on her face

“I believe I did”, Penelope smirked. “Now tell me when your brother will arrive.”

“Tomorrow morning.”

“What? And you are only telling this to me now?”

“If it’s any consolation, I only heard he is coming back half an hour ago.”

“It’s not, but it makes me less mad at you so I guess it works. Let’s check if you have all of the ingredients.”

Eloise happily obliged and they checked the fridge. Penelope took out the fresh blueberries and the butter, swiftly realising that the ingredients for her lemon icing were missing. 

“I will run to the grocery store.” Eloise offered

“And I will start preparing the mix.”

In truth, there were worse things to do than baking in Violet Bridgerton’s kitchen. It was less sophisticated than the rest of the Bridgerton house and did not follow the typical colour scheme of baby blue. Instead, the windowsill was covered with monstera plants, the wooden elements expanded far beyond the cabinetry and the kitchen sink was right by the window, the sunlight streaming right onto her face. She had spent a lot of afternoons here with Eloise snacking on whatever was left in the fridge. 

She fixed herself an orange juice, while measuring all of the dry ingredients in advance. Thankfully, she had already memorised the recipe by heart. There were a lot of things that were oddly ingrained in her memory. She remembered her first day of meeting Eloise. She remembered the type of dress she wore, the weather forecast and what subjects she had attended on that day. 

And running the flour through her fingers, she remembered how it happened. How she was pressed up against the school wall, reading a book with shivering hands while all of a sudden a snowball attacked her from her right side. How Eloise Bridgerton sheepishly smiled at her, how she had to hold back her tears thinking that she was made fun of only for Eloise to ask her to join her. 

“You should avenge yourself”, she had said to her, with a challenging glint in her eyes. 

And she did. She was glad she did. 

All of a sudden, Penelope heard footsteps from the hallway. It had only been ten minutes since Eloise’s run to the grocery store. Maybe she had asked the neighbours for the missing ingredients.  She heard the clinkering sound of keys and how close the sounds were getting. 

Looking at the flour, she had an idea. Collecting some in her hands, she  waited, giddy with anticipation, hunched forward a little. And then, when she realised that the person had already entered the kitchen and was behind her, she quickly turned around and blew the flour in their direction. 

“Surprise!”, she exclaimed, but when she opened her eyes, they widened in horror. 

Yes, she was successful, but judging by the hooded green eyes which she could make out through the flour, the short chestnut hair that framed the face and the body that was a tad too tall to be her friend’s and how he towered over her, she had caught the wrong Bridgerton by surprise. 

To her relief, that face started smiling. 

“Well, that was a very warm welcome if I have ever seen one. Not conventional, but very intriguing nonetheless.”

“I am so sorry!”, Penelope said and quickly reached for a towel. He accepted and tried to wipe his face. “I thought you were Eloise and- I really did not mean to.”

“It’s alright, don’t worry about it”, he said while still grinning from ear to ear. And as he wiped the white powder from his face, Penelope realised how handsome that face was. She thought she was being subtle about it, but when his eyes caught hers, her heart leapt. 

“You must be Colin Bridgerton”, she said, her voice quite small. 

“I am”, he said, holding her stare to the point that she had to look away. 

“And you must be Penelope Featherington?”

For a while, she was too focused on the melody of her own names. Did her name always sound this beautiful coming from the lips of other’s? She knew that this too would be stored in her memory. 

But sure enough, she jerked her head up in surprise: 

“How did you know?”

“Eloise told me that she wanted to surprise me with your famous blueberry scones. And I am guessing that no stranger would suddenly break into our house and start baking as if she owns the place.” He clarified, smirking as he did so.

Her face turned crimson for some reason. 

“And she sang so many praises about you. To the point that you would occupy half our conversations. So naturally, I grew curious.” he replied, his gaze thankfully not on hers for the moment.

Penelope smiled and felt herself relax a little. 

“She also told me a lot about you and don’t worry, most of her stories put you in a good light.” She continued, watching him wipe flour off his neck.

She regretted blurting out that last part and he noticed too, leaning a little closer to her: 

“Except which stories?”

“I would rather not stay.”

“Oh, but I insist.”

She turned around, pretending to work on the dough and could feel him grinning, but thankfully he dropped the conversation. However, now he was leaning on the counter top and watching her whisking together the dry ingredients. It was unnerving to work on the dough, while he was watching her every move.

“I think you should change your clothes”, she said to him, pointing at the white powder still sticking to his black sweatshirt and then had to hold in a laugh, when she noticed his eyebrows. 

“Not until you tell me what’s so funny.”

“Oh, nothing. I just may have aged you a little”, she said and without thinking about it, without even realising what she was doing, she gently brushed the flour off his right eye brow with her thumb. In each other’s orbits, they both froze and she immediately withdrew her thumb, as if she was burned. 

For a minute, an awkward silence filled the room with Colin letting out a less than subtle cough and looking out the window, Penelope frantically grating the butter. Thankfully, they were interrupted: 

“I had to visit two more grocery stores, but finally found everything we need, Pen. Sorry, that it took so long.”

Eloise's mouth went slack when she saw Colin, he state he was in and his close proximity to her friend. 

“Brother, what are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to arrive tomorrow?”

But before Colin could retort anything, he was already in his sister’s embrace. He chuckled: 

“I thought I would surprise you.”

Another word stored in Penelope’s memory. The word surprise had acquired a new meaning for her. It was intertwined with a new memory. 

She regarded the two Bridgertons with a fond and affectionate smile playing upon her lips. Her heart fluttered when once again his eyes caught hers. They were filled with mirth. 

“Besides, I had good company.”

—————————————

“Enough about him”, Penelope turned to Eloise, “Tell me more about Benedict’s exhibit. Did it go well?”

“It did. Half of his artworks at Danbury gallery sold out, in fact and he is slowly venturing into performance art. He told me that since he met Sophie, he never experienced art block again.”

“It must be nice”, Penelope mused, “To have someone by your side who sees you as you are. Someone who inspires you to become a better person, a better artist.”

“It is”, Eloise confirmed with a fond smile creeping up on her face. 

Suddenly, the bartender approached them with two old fashioneds. 

“Courtesy of the two gentlemen”, he quirked an eyebrow in their direction and the gentlemen winked at them. 

“Thank you”, Eloise raised her glass in their direction, while making sure that her ring would show. The blond haired man nodded sheepishly: 

“Lucky man”, he merely said while the black-haired man with glasses looked intently at Penelope’s hands. 

Penelope chuckled and showed both of them: 

“Not taken”, she said. 

“Lucky me.”

Eloise and Penelope exchanged a glance when the man approached their booth. 

“Don’t worry about me”, Eloise assured Penelope, “I was going to call it a night anyway.”

“Eloise.”

“In fact”, she slid her drink to Penelope, “You can share this with him.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am.”

The man already took a seat beside Penelope, flashing a toothy grin at the two of them. 

“Thanks, I owe you”, Penelope said while hugging her and Eloise noticed that her speech was getting a little slurry. She would need to check her “Find my” on her phone later and make sure that Penelope arrived safely. 

“Don’t forget that tomorrow”, Eloise said before rushing away, “It’s very important that you don’t forget.”

And before her friend could retort anything to her ominous remark, she was already out the door. Eloise knew that her friend would need a little stress relief before the big day.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It did not take long for Colin and her to come togetherin his apartment. The moment they had entered,  jackets and shoes were on the floor, and once they were on the couch, he was on top of her peppering kisses from her neck to her collarbone. She hummed in response and grazed his hair with her fingers. 

“So tell me more about your adventures, Mister Bridgerton.”

She trailed one of her fingers down his jawline, her voice slightly breathless.

Interesting, he could not recalling telling her his last name

“What were you up to on foreign lands?”

“I was-”, he said but was cut off when she crashed her lips against his. All of a sudden, she was the one to sit on his lap and there was something oddly familiar about the way she smelled. Something about the way her locks tickled his face and the soft pitter patter of raindrops in the background. He tried to suppress that memory. 

But the memory had already resurfaced and took over his imagination. When he tried to nudge her lips open and darted his tongue forward, swallowing her moans, he felt another woman’s breath against his lips. 

Pen.

“What the fuck?”, she suddenly shrieked and when he looked up, he was met with her incredulous stare. 

“Who is Pen?”, she demanded, “Were you thinking of another girl while making out with me?”

And at that moment, Colin realised that he had breathed Penelope’s name against her lips. What was wrong with him? Just seeing her again at the bar was enough to rattle him, it seemed. 

“I’m sorry”, he stammered at best but she was already on her feet and running a finger through her tousled hair. 

“This is weird”, she said, “You did not even deny it and I get that we both wanted to have fun with no strings attached but-”

Colin was still dazed but when he saw how she was already reaching for her jacket and put on her heels, he rushed to her side: 

“Please, let me explain” he said. “It was just a slip-up. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Clearly it meant something”, she said and threw a quick glance at the mirror to fix her smudged lips, “And clearly she was not just your sister’s friend.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean,”

With that, she slammed the door behind her and left him staring behind her for a few minutes. Well, that was a surefire way to ruin the night. 

Chapter Text

Penelope woke up with a groan as the first rays of sunlight began prickling her skin. Her back felt very sore, so she stretched her arms and was about to get ready for work when she noticed that she was not alone. Beside her, a stranger was snoring with his chest barely covered by the bedsheets, and once she looked at the unusual design of the walls and the large window letting sunlight in right across the bed, she realized that this was not her room. Certainly not her house either and as the snippets from last night resurfaced hazily, an unnerving feeling settled in. It was her first day at work and she just had a one night stand.

She did not even prepare her emergency kit, no. Contrary to whatever adventures they had entertained on this bed, she remembered in full detail that the only thing in her purse was her lipstick, her phone, her book (why did she not bring a few toiletries instead?) and the keys to her apartment. 

Just in time, her mystery person woke up, lazily smiling at her while rubbing his eyes. 

“Good morning, beautiful!”

“Good morning to you, too”, she muttered and when she realized that she was completely naked, she held the bedsheet to her body and with the other hand grabbed her clothes off the floor. 

“Hey, listen: where is the bathroom? And while we are on the topic: do you happen to have a seven-step skincare routine that allows you to have a wide array of skin care products?”

He let out an incredulous chuckle, but nevertheless answered her question: 

“Bathroom is down the hallway on the left side and no, I only use soap.”

“Great.”

She spied the alarm clock on his night stand and knew that she had to make the decision between either arriving late to work but with new clothes and a fresh skin and make up or hope that whatever he had in his bathroom would be enough and she would not appear overdressed at the office. 

“Mind if I take a quick shower?”

“No, mind if I join you?”

“Yes”, and when she saw how he quickly got dejected, she added; “It’s actually my first day at work today and I am running late.”

She stormed off to the bathroom.  

—----------------------------------

When Colin arrived at the office, Fife spotted him and immediately raised his eyebrows: 

“What’s the occasion, Bridgerton?”

Colin dropped his jacket on the chair and leaned back against it, while opening his Macbook. He did not bother turning to Fife. 

“What are you on about?”

“I only saw you wearing this suit once: at your first interview here. And I was there when you bought it. You said that you liked how it clung to your abs. Who are you trying to impress?”

“Oh, sod off, Fife.”

“Sure.”

Fife chuckled, but they both knew he was right. Only Colin was not in the right state of mind to answer. He had other things to focus on. 

For example how a certain redhead might enter through the door anytime. And how he so desperately wanted to bear witness when her jaw would inevitably hit the floor. When she would stare at him like a deer caught in headlights. He chuckled at that thought and immediately caught himself.

But looking at the clock, he grew worried. It was already ten past ten. Polly was not one to take kindly to tardiness. 

Except…

Who was he to suddenly get worried in her stead? She had made sure that he was a nobody 14 years ago. His stomach twisted at that realization as he tried to focus on the unanswered emails he had to go through before he could dwell on it any longer.

—-----------------------

Once Penelope was out of the shower, she immediately got dressed and while combing her hair with her fingers, she spotted a red lipstick right beside the mirror. 

What a relief that her one-night stand appeared to be a manwhore but she would still need to get checked later. Just to be sure. 

She could not afford her pride to get prickled and immediately applied some lipstick on her cheeks and lipsticks after wiping off the tip of course. When she looked at herself in the mirror, she felt a very familiar surge of memories flash before her eyes. She quickly blinked them away, instead, she focusing on her breathing and braced herself for the big day. 

He was in the hallway when she exited the bathroom, with only his boxers on. 

“You know the definition of a one-night stand, don’t you?”, she asked. 

“I do.”

“Well, this is one.”

He appeared dejected: 

“Does that mean I will not get to see you again?”

“Probably not.”

She grabbed her jacket off the hook and her purse. 

“But I had fun. Did you have fun?”

"Immensely."

He offered to pay for her uber, but she rejected. And once the driver arrived, they awkwardly hugged each other and she breathed a sigh of relief once she was out the door. 

In the driver’s back seat she checked her phone and almost cursed herself. It was already ten past ten. It would take seven minutes to get there and calculating the elevator time, she would be late by at least twenty minutes. 

Oh, piss.

The driver asked her what she was studying. Apparently he had a daughter who studies medicine at Oxford. She gave him polite, but curt answers and after a while he got the hint. She would give him a big tip for that. 

Penelope had looked up to Polly since her days at the students’ newspaper. With her magazine ton sur ton , Polly had managed to create a lifestyle magazine that catered to both men and women which was not a small feat to accomplish. And she had been consistent in her career, keeping up with trends while also staying true to the essence of the magazine. 

Once she spotted the building, she asked the driver to  stop instead of bothering to park and thanked him for the ride. Her high heels off, she ran to the elevator and while waiting for the  she used the time to leave him a tip on the app. Being economical with time and resources had been something she had necessarily perfected over the years. And usually, she did manage to be on time for appointments, but seeing that third Bridgerton brother had managed to throw her off her game. Thankfully, the fraying nerves of starting her first day at work would be distraction enough. 

Or so she thought. 

Because when she saw the open cubicles through the glass door and spotted a familiar figure with short chestnut hair and broad shoulders, his back turned to her, she almost believed that she was on the wrong floor. 

Eloise! Was this her doing?

But sure enough, in big bold letters she spotted the magazine’s door and just as she was about to enter, Polly rushed out the door. 

“Penelope! Where have you been?”

“Polly, I’m sorry, I-”

Polly took her gently by her arm and together they entered the office. Penelope was sure that she was perfectly articulate just a few minutes ago so why was it that words started to fail her? Especially when that head turned around and piercing blue eyes interlocked with hers. Maybe she was imagining it, but there was a hint of challenge in his eyes. As if this whole situation was a dare. 

But then his eyes wandered to her dress and up to her slightly messy curls and the smirk was replaced by a frown. Funny, how he was so easy to read even after fourteen years. Funny, how this did not comfort her in the slightest.

She turned to Polly once again, who had apparently been looking between her and Colin the whole time, a befuddled expression on her face. And judging by the stares of everyone around her, she was not the only one who noticed the weird charge. 

Oh, bloody hell.

“I’m sorry. I was stuck in traffic.”

“Well, that can be excused I guess. Everyone…”

She turned to the room full of people. People, whose names Penelope had to memorize over the span of at least one day and she sucked at remembering faces. This should be fun.

“This is Penelope Featherington. Our new gossip columnist and Penelope, this is Lucy Abernathy, our columnist for ‘Love and the City’”

A woman with curly black hair, brown eyes and blindingly red lips smiled back at her. Penelope liked her office set up, which was no doubt inspired by the movie “Legally Blonde”. Everything had been dipped in pink and glitter. 

She smiled back, while ignoring the way an annoying Bridgertons eyes bore into her skin. If she looked back, she was sure that the frown would not have disappeared. 

“And this is Paul Fife but we just call him Fife here. He is a senior editor and responsible for everything fashion. Including judging celebrity looks on the red carpet.”

Penelope knew Fife. He had been Colin’s friend since she could remember and judging by his Ralph Lauren trench coat and Prada leather boots, he seemed to keep up with the latest Milano fashion trends. Penelope also knew that Fife was -similar to the Bridgerton who ogled her- the literal embodiment of generational wealth and it did not help that he was shooting her a flirty smile, which she returned with a tight-lipped one in return. 

“And this is Felicity, our intern. She expressed a keen interest in shadowing your work.”

Penelope had to chuckle when she spotted the loopy grin on the girl’s face. Judging by the Oxford sweatshirt -was she trying to show her that she was a fellow alumni?- and the books stacked on her desk, she appeared to have a good head on her shoulders. 

“I would be delighted.”

Polly walked over to the other side of the room and Penelope followed her, ignoring the whiff of cologne that came from Colin’s direction when they moved past his desk: 

“Our senior photographer Alex Lau, our beauty guru Margaret Goring and our celebrity interviewer Edwina Sharma. And lastly, as I am sure you know-”

No, Penelope certainly did not know

“This is Colin Bridgerton, our travel journalist who is currently working on a new column.”

Penelope had no choice but to once again meet his eyes. However she quickly turned in the direction of everyone else before he could remark anything further.

“Nice to meet all of you. I’m looking forward to working with you.”, she said while trying to appear as unaffected and chipper as possible. She thought that the whole ordeal was over when Polly told her they could go to her office to discuss her first projects, but all of a sudden they heard the dull clack clack sounds of high-heels hitting the floor. And once everyone turned their head to the direction of that voice, they noticed that the door had been opened by someone. 

“Oh, that’s right”, Polly exclaimed and walked up to the blond-haired woman: 

“This is Elena Wells, our new junior photographer. I forgot to mention but she will work with Alex to establish our social media presence.”

Penelope was sure that Colin’s jaw would hit the floor judging by how slack it got and she felt no differently. Not only did she have to work with Colin Bridgerton, the last person she had expected to see here, but also the girl he hooked up with. 

And it was equally as unnerving that the girl’s shocked expression was quickly replaced by an amused smile. 

“Alex, please help Elena get settled in. In the meantime:  Penelope, come to my office. Afterwards, Elena can take your profile shots.”

Penelope wished for the ground to open up and swallow her. Elena appeared happy where she was and apart from Colin, everyone else was oblivious to their predicament. 

————————————-

Colin needed a moment to process what had just happened in the span of a few minutes. 

To his understanding, not only was Penelope giving him the cold shoulder, but she also wore the same dress as yesterday and when he put the pieces of the puzzles together, he was starting to dread the full picture. But what was he supposed to do? Ask Eloise if her friend had hooked up at the bar with a stranger? How else could he explain that she wore the same dress as yesterday and that she arrived late to work on top of that. 

Besides, it was none of his business. He was also about to hook up with Elena that night and he would be a hypocrite if he was mad that one of them got lucky and the other didn’t. 

But tell that to your heart. 

He slightly turned to his right and saw Elena discussing paperwork with Alex. As if on cue, she turned around to him and gave him a playful wink. 

A wink! Was she not seeing the absurdity of the situation? Did she enjoy this? 

It was one thing to work together with someone who you would have almost seen naked, it’s another to do it in the same room with a woman who-

Colin shook his head frantically, trying to stop the train of thought. He could not go there, it was too dangerous. 

And now the person in question walked out of the room, stopping by Alex’s desk and after some conversation, she followed Elena out of the office.  

Colin looked at his phone. It was becoming more and more tempting to text Eloise. But he would not do that. He would certainly not stoop that low. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------

Penelope was leaning against the white brick wall. Apparently, most of the staff got their profile shots with this backdrop. She opened her phone camera and checked her face. She looked passable, but it would have been nice to comb her hair. 

She heard a rustle and when she looked up, she saw that Elena had retrieved a travel-sized brush from her tote bag. 

Penelope gladly accepted: 

“Do you always carry this with you?”

“My hair always gets frizzy in the rain and we live in London, so-”

Penelope chuckled and after combing through her hair, she gave it back to her: 

“Thank you.”

“Soooo”, Elena said in a sing-sang voice while setting up her equipment, “This is awkward.”

When she was met with Penelope’s confused stare, she started to fumble: 

“I mean it is not our first time meeting each other. And I am sure you have questions given that I went out with-”

“Let me stop you right there”, Penelope said, growing impatient and crossing her arms in front of her chest. 

“It is none of my business what happened between the two of you. He is merely my best friend’s brother as you may know.”

“Sure.”

Looking at the way Elena raised her eyebrows almost ironically, Penelope grew very irritated. 

“Can we get this over with? I am sorry, it has just been a very stressful day and-”

“Alright.”

The air grew very thick between the two of them and for a moment, the whistling wind from London's breezy day could be heard.

“You have a nice side profile”, Elena suddenly remarked, inspecting her face closer and looking through the camera lens every once in a while to assess the perfect angle, “And good posture too. We should highlight that in your profile shot.”

Penelope was flustered by the sudden compliments. Maybe this was Elena’s way of making her more comfortable. 

“We are limited when it comes to profile shots, but is there anything in particular you wish to highlight? Do you have a concept in mind?”

She did not. But she remembered that she had a favorite photographer: 

“I really like Petra F. Collins' work.”

“Oh, you have great taste. She is one of my favorites too. Granted, the environment here is very limiting but I could incorporate some of that hazy light effect she uses”, Elena said with a reassuring smile to Penelope, which she reciprocated. 

So they got to work and after a few minutes, Elena was done. She showed Penelope all of the snapshots and Penelope was floored. She did not know that she was this photogenic. And Elena had managed to capture the dreamy quality of Petra’s work.

“I love all of them”, she admitted and grabbing her phone, she asked. 

“Would it be possible that you send me all of them?”

“Of course.”

They exchanged numbers and when Elena typed hers, Penelope stole a few glances at her. She was really beautiful, almost a head taller than her and judging by the contours of her tight jeans and white blouse, quite athletic too. Penelope was sure that she was someone who would feel comfortable in front of the camera too so it was intriguing to her that she preferred to stay behind. 

“I am glad to have met you, Elena”, she said, helping her to gather all of the equipment, “You really have a way of making someone feel comfortable.”

“Well, my work depends on it. I only get the best pictures when my client likes being perceived, it translates better on camera. But thank you for the compliment, I will take it.”

They walked back to the elevator, past the security guard and once they reached their floor, Elena suddenly stopped her by her arm: 

“I know it is not my place to say something but I felt like you should definitely know: nothing happened between us last night. Not for a lack of trying on my part.”

Penelope stared at her, at a loss for words. Elena had already walked ahead and closed the office door behind herself. 

Definitely 

“You should definitely know”

What was she supposed to make of that? And why was a stranger -granted, a co-worker now , taking such a keen interest in her?

She did not know if she should feel flattered or irritated. But the more unnerving part is that deep down, she was glad that Elena answered the question that hung in the air. 

Suddenly, her phone rang and looking back at the office, seeing the back of a certain someone she decided that she needed one more breather. Thankfully, the office had a rooftop. The number was anonymous. 

“Penelope.”

“Eloise! Why are you calling me from an unknown number?”

“I figured you would not pick up if my name flashed on your screen.”

And she would be very right about that

“Did you really think that shagging that stranger at the bar would compensate for this freak show?”

“I’m sorry!”

And she could feel that she was sorry, but sorry did not cut it. 

“You should be! For heaven’s sake, Eloise, how could you not tell me that Colin also works here. If it escaped your attention during the last 14 years, the two of us are not on speaking terms. And now I have to breathe the same air as him. Do you know how big of an imposition that is?”

“Penelope, I am sorry but it was really crucial that you work there and you know very well why. Would you have accepted if Colin was there?“

Of course she would not have, but that was beside the point.

“And you thought lying to me was a good way of going about it?“

She could not help the venom dripping from her words. 

“It was agony, Pen! I had to keep this from you for so long but if it‘s any consolation: it‘s only for three months. We only have to prevent the merge. After that, the ruse is over and trust me, it would also be a relief for Colin.“

“Colin?“

“You will not believe this but he just messaged me about you. He thought he was being sneaky about it, but he asked me where I had been last night after the bar. I did not say anything of course but- wait! Are you in the same clothes as yesterday?”

“Yes.”

“So you went to work immediately after hooking up with that guy? You did not have a chance to go to your apartment?”

Penelope replied through gritted teeth: 

“Eloise, what does it matter-”

“My brother might have put two and two together. That cheeky-”

“Is that Eloise on the phone?”

Penelope whirled around and it was him. Of course he had to go up the same rooftop and interrupt what little solitude she had to keep her sanity. 

“I heard Colin’s voice”, Penelope heard Eloise say on the other line, “Put me on speaker mode.”

It was in a word a freak show. Colin looked at the phone in her hand and Penelope rolled her eyes and finally obliged. She held the phone in his direction: 

“Listen, brother: I don’t know what happened between the two of you and I don’t care to know but you two are adults for christ’s sake. Keep it together. If you are going to ask about Penelope, do the adult thing and ask her. Don’t make me the messenger.”

At this part, Colin’s cheeks flushed and he averted his gaze. He was about to say something, but Eloise continued her rant: 

“And Penelope, in all fairness this was Colin’s workplace first and if he is gracious enough to accept you, then I’m sure you can find it in you to work at the same place. I don’t ask you to be friends, I ask you to be colleagues.”

Penelope and Colin both had the sheepish look of kids who had just been scolded. 

“Can you do that for me?”, Eloise’s voice resounded and they both interlocked their eyes, their chests heaving. 

“I did not hear anything.”

“Yes”, Penelope supplied very reluctantly. 

“I guess”, Colin said, less convinced. 

“Alright then, I will hang up now. I am sure you guys have a lot to catch up on.”

The sarcasm in Eloise’s voice could be detected from a mile away, but Penelope merely hung up. There was a silent beat between them and for a minute, Colin opened his mouth, his lips wobbled but then he closed it again. And to her dismay, Penelope felt overwhelmed. 

When she looked at him, she didn't just see her first love. She saw the kind of person she was 17 years ago, she saw the room she had left, the roads she had not taken, the memories she had created and at the same time not created. She saw 3 years that were stuffed somewhere in her box of memories and 14 years without him. 

And it filled her with a sense of melancholy to see how…altered he was. He was still handsome, except now she was a man with his rugged appearance and the laugh wrinkles around his eyes. Yesterday night she did not take a good look at him, too distracted by the rush of the moment (and his company). His hooded, blue eyes put her under a dangerous spell, so she blinked her thoughts away and remarked, in a rather matter-of-factly way: 

“So…we should talk.”

“Right”, he said and then turned around to point at a garden bench in the corner. “Mind if we sit?”

“No, go ahead.”

So they sat, side by side and a safe distance between them, suffocated by the same kind of awkward tension that was created by too many questions that hung in the air. 

“How have-”

“I’m sure you-”

Colin chuckled silently and said: 

“You go first.”

“I’m sure it was a shock to you, too”, she said, “I really did not know that you also work here.”

“I surmised as much”, he noted grimly. “I suppose if you had known, you would not have applied for the job interview.”

Penelope could not tell him the real reason for her application, but she could be upfront about her feelings. 

“I wouldn’t, you would be right.”

She did not dare to look at him, but she could feel him wince. Which surprised her and at the same time made her feel guilty. She had been the one that had ghosted him after all. 

“How have you been, Colin?”, she asked, almost probingly. 

“Is that really what you want to ask me?”

That made her roll her eyes a little. Why could he not indulge her in this charade? She was trying to create a sense of normalcy after all, for the two of them. 

“Do you really care how I have been, Pen? Is that why you disappeared out of my life? Without a word, without even saying goodbye?”

“Colin!”

She immediately stood up and was about to walk away, but with two quick strides he was by her side and tugged her elbow, whirled her around: 

“Put yourself in my shoes, Pen.”

Irritated by the second mention of her nickname, she turned around and looked at him with fury in her eyes: 

“Don’t call me that.”

“Don’t call you what?”

“Don’t call me Pen. You are no longer my friend and I am no longer yours, remember? We are colleagues.”

The old Penelope would have taken every word back after seeing the shock on his face, but this Penelope had grown a spine. This Penelope had been 14 years in the making. She would not rebuild herself again. 

“Fine, Penelope”, he grounded out, “Put yourself in my shoes: you see an old friend again,  who has ghosted you for over fourteen years, and not only is she at your workplace, not only do you have to see her every day,from now on, no, she will also ignore you, shoot daggers at you and call your presence an ‘imposition’. How would that make you feel?”

Penelope was seeing his point. And as it seemed, he had listened to parts of her conversation with Eloise. 

How aggravating.

“You’re right”, she said, “And I am sorry for causing you this whirlwind of emotions. But I am not ready to open that door to my past, Colin. And if it was up to me, I would have left right away but I need this job. But I promise you that I will be civil. I will stay out of your way-”

“Who said that I want you to stay out of my way?”

To Penelope’s surprise, his jaw clenched. He seemed…exasperated. But then his hands dropped and he rasped: 

“Let’s just go back to the office before we attract any attention. This conversation can surely wait.”

She nodded in agreement and followed him behind. When they were in the elevator, it felt weirdly intimate and she looked everywhere except his face, her fingers constantly fumbling against each other. He leaned back and stared at the ceiling. She tried to ignore the smell of his cologne and how it made her feel. Unable to help herself, she stole a glance at the way his biceps flexed when he crossed his arms , she swore she was about to swoon, before managing to control herself. 

“Hey, Pen-Penelope-” 

She watched him as they left the elevator, pausing momentarily to let him go first. He said without looking back: 

“Next time you have a hook-up and want to cover your tracks, maybe don’t wear the same outfit.”

Why that little…

And just when she was about to retort something, he opened the door and looked at her, a mischievous glint in his eyes, which shined even more when he raised his eyebrows. 

That’s right. Colin Bridgerton would be civil with her, but he would not make it easy. 

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter Text

On her first day, in the privacy of her office, Polly had asked Penelope how she begun to write. What she could not have foreseen was the fact that this would open a pandora’s box of repressed memories for Penelope. And that the very person who had inspired her to write for a living was sitting only a few meters away, right outside.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------

17 years ago

Penelope was sitting in the Bridgerton living room, not knowing what to do. Quite honestly, she was mad at Eloise. They were supposed to meet here and go to see the movie Atonement, but as scatter minded as she was Eloise had once again forgotten their arrangement it seemed.

So Penelope decided to pass the time by scribbling in her notebook. Since she started reading Jane Austen novels -Persuasion being her favourite- she had begun writing fanfiction and novels that were inspired by them. For some reason, writing in the romance genre came easily to her. Her newest novel was set in the regency era and had been about a strong-minded female character called Emma who had been exchanging letters with a widowed man called Phillip. Their love had grown with every letter until one day Emma had fled to his house without any announcement and all of her brothers turned up and threatened to punish the poor man. Quite honestly, she enjoyed writing the witty dialogue and she had a soft spot for the brother who was newly wed and still besotted with his wife. He reminded her of someone. And she liked the heroine’s family.

At one point, she looked at the clock and decided that enough was enough. Violet had already told her that Eloise would come by any minute but she decided to go to the garden and look around. Benedict was supposed to take them to the movies because he was the only brother with a driving license and they had booked a late screening.

So she left her notebook on the table and went downstairs. Floating past the kitchen, she spied some cookies on the table. She sneakily stole one. By this point, the Bridgerton house had become a second home to her and no one even batted an eye when she was around. They also did not appear fazed by the fact that her visits had increased with Colin’s arrival. She thought that she did a good job of hiding her crush, but whenever he came running to her to help him proofread for his college essays and shot her a flirtatious wink, she immediately blushed and could not refuse him. She hated her body for giving away her feelings so easily. One time, she had almost stumbled down the stairs, when someone suddenly caught her mid air and she grabbed his arms to steady herself, her hands lingered a tad too long and her eyes rested on his and a blush crept up her cheeks. She could have sworn that if Anthony’s girlfriend’s dog did not interrupt them, Colin could have heard her heartbeat. But he merely coughed and she immediately averted her gaze, mumbling a “Thank you” and picked up Newton to bring him back to Kate.

That evening, she found herself imagining a thousand scenarios of how that could have gone differently. In one version of her fantasies, the mid-air catch resulted in a kiss.

To Penelope’s disappointment, Eloise was nowhere to be seen. Neither in the garden nor in the library. She also did not respond to her messages, which was aggravating. So she decided to go back to the living room after munching on the cookie and if Eloise would not appear in the next thirty minutes, she would leave.

But to her surprise, the living room was no longer emoty. She heard someone roar with laughter, a very familiar voice and when she entered the room, she saw her crush hunched over her notebook, flipping through the pages. Colin Bridgerton was reading in her notebook!

Her notebook! Filled with her sappy stories...

“Colin!”

“Oh, Pen”, Colin stood up, with the notebook still in his hands. He was wiping the tears that had formed around his eyes. “Is this yours?”

He was extending it to her, not even feeling ashamed apparently that he had dug his nose in her book. When Penelope snatched it away from him, he slightly flinched.

“Should I not have-?”

“You read all of my notes?”

His voice became very small:

“Yes!”

“Colin, how could you? How is it okay for you to read all of my private notes?”

To Penelope’s surprise, with every word her voice increased until she looked up and saw that he was staring at her, his mouth agape. She had enough of this. She was humilated. Not only had he disrespected her privacy, he also saw a side of herself that she had kept secret. Not even Eloise knew about the stories. It was all in her head and maybe it was her fault for leaving the notebook on the table, but he should still not have looked.

“I feel awful, I’m really sorry.”

“You should be“, Penelope hissed.

She had enough of this. Enough of waiting for Eloise, enough of embarrassing herself in front of her crush. She quickly collected her jacket and grabbed her tote bag, when all of a sudden

“Ow!”

She had a paper cut on her thumb.

Blood was starting to pool in little droplets around the cut.

“What happened?”

Colin was by her side in two quick strides and when he spotted the cut, he panicked, grabbed her finger and instantly sucked on the blood. Penelope froze and so did he once his brain caught up to what he was doing.

“Sorry!”, he said sheepishly and a slight blush crept up his cheeks. He could not quite look her in the eyes. He fumbled for something in his pocket and found a tissue, which he wrapped around her thumb, after which, he guided her to the sofa:

“Here, hold this. I will bring you a plaster.”

When he left, Penelope was left with a weird sensation on her thumb. Her skin was still prickling, she remembered how for a moment his mouth had wrapped around her thumb, warm and soft. And it was hard not to imagine his mouth on her, on her...other places. It was weird. She had never experienced this sensation. But she found it rather...thrilling. And she reprimanded herself inwardly for even entertaining such thoughts in this situation.

He shortly after returned to the room and took a seat beside her. Their arms brushed against each other and when she looked at the plaster, she had to chuckle. To which he grinned:

“I couldn’t find a better one. I hope you also like Spongebob squarepants. These are Gregory’s by the way.”

When he lifted her finger to disinfect the wound, his head only two inches away from hers, she felt very dizzy. She never had a chance to look at him up close before and- were his eye lashes always this thick?

Suddenly he looked up. For a moment, she did nothing but blink. How had she not noticed that there was a hint of purple in his blue eyes? Maybe if she would allow herself to hold his gaze every once in a while, she would have noticed. And his hands were very big. Infact, she was convinced that if he held hers they would disappear.

“I’m sorry”, he said all of a sudden.

“What for?”, Penelope suffered a temporary memory loss but when he scrunched his eyebrows in confusion, she remembered, “Ah, don’t worry about it.”

“No, it was not okay. I should not have read it. Even if I thought it was Eloise’s diary. But quite honestly, I should have figured it was you.”

He finished wrapping the band-aid around her finger and let go of her hand. She mourned the loss of his touch.

“The dialogue was so clever, so witty. Of course it had to be you. You thought that I was laughing at your writings when you came inside, didn’t you? I want you to know that it’s the complete opposite. Once I started reading, I could not stop. It was a page turner! And the banter between the brothers was so funny. I especially liked the scene where the newly wed brother kept on giving Phillip so much shit.”

It was too much. The closeness, his knee touching hers, the honey that was dripping from his eyes and from his words.

Penelope fanned herself and said with a small voice:

“You exaggerate.”

He laughed:

“What I only mean to say is: you should definitely finish the story. People would pay you to read it. I know I would.”

She had to exercise great restraint to not hug the air out of his lungs for those words. And when she spotted the clock behind him, remembered the very reason why she was here, she found that maybe waiting in the Bridgerton living room was not too bad after all, especially as she was rewarded with the sweet flattery of the man who made her heart skip a beat by just smiling at her. She suspected that he could get away with murder with that smile.

“Thank you. I never told anyone about my stories.”

“Not even Eloise?”

“No, only you know about them now.”

If she did not know better, she would have suspected that he appeared...flattered?

“Well, if you find yourself a successful writer one day, I would like to be mentioned in your footnote.”

You would be the whole story, she thought to herself.

She was glad she kept that quiet.

Her eyes grew wide when she spotted a rash on his throat. It was barely visible, but there were red bumps.

“What happened to you?”

“That, oh”, he appeared embarrassed and covered up his neck with his left hand, “Francesca was selling some Girl Scout cookies for charity and I did not know they contained peanut butter. Thankfully, Benedict could drop me off at the hospital before my mother could catch wind of it.”

“Colin!”, she continued to surprise herself. This time by scolding him with an unusual familiarity.

“You should have been more careful! How could you just munch on those cookies without even asking what’s inside?

Colin looked at her, shocked that she would scold him with the same ferocity his mother would:

“Geez, Pen. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again”, he said, chuckling in disbelief and seeing his reaction, she back tracked a little.

“Well, I’m glad you’re okay then”, she said and stood up. “Do you happen to know where Eloise is? We were supposed to go to the movies.”

“Last time I saw her she said she went to Kate’s place for her tutoring lesson. She could be here any minute. Did she not tell you?”

“She did not. But if you say so, I must believe it. I suppose I could wait for another ten minutes.”

He was about to retort something, but they heard the doorbell ring. Penelope sprinted down the stairs, she was about to reprimand Eloise but to her surprise her cousin Marina was staying right outside.

“Marina, what are you doing here?”

“Pen, your mum told me you would be here. You forgot these at school. I thought you might need them.”

To her horror and utter relief at the same time, Penelope saw that Marina was handing her the cinema tickets. How did she even lose them? In any way, it was better to find out now than right before the movie started.

“You left them inside the biology book you lent me. And if I had to be honest, I wanted to steal them from you. I have wanted to see that movie for the longest time.”

“Thank you, Marina. If you want, you could join us. Maybe they have some tickets on the spot?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I need to study for-”

To her surprise, Penelope heard footsteps approaching and a male voice resounded behind her:

“Oh, hello there.”

It was Colin. He was descending halfway down the stairs and must have thought that Eloise was coming. But judging by his awestruck gaze and the way he leaned against the wall, flexing his arms, he did not mind that a different person was standing on their doorstep. Penelope’s stomach sank. Because Marina appeared just as smitten with the way she raised her eyebrows and her smile grew wider and wider by the second. The two of them could not look away from each other. And Colin spoke in a low voice, one that was apparently reserved for women he was attracted to and one she never heard until that day.

“Pen, will you introduce us?”, but he did not look at Penelope and Marina’s eyes started to flutter.

“O-of course. Marina, this is Colin. Eloise’s brother. Colin, this is Marina. My cousin.”

“Hello, Marina. Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise, Colin.”

And then Marina turned to Penelope:

“Pen, I would love to join you. I would have flunked that biology test anyway.”

“Oh, which movie are you watching?”

By that point, Penelope knew where Colin’s question would lead. Because one hour later, with Eloise having arrived half an hour earlier, the four of them were sitting in the car. Marina offered to drive them and while she and Colin sat in the front, exchanging giggles, Eloise lamented to her about her tutoring session and the impending math exams she would inevitably fail. Penelope saw the way Marina would occasionally touch his arm when she laughed and when they arrived and only the couple’s seat behind Eloise and Penelope’s was empty, Colin was happy to take a seat with Marina. Penelope could barely concentrate on the movie, in no short part thanks to the annoying chatter behind her. Afterwards, when they grabbed some burgers and fries on the way home, she saw how Colin wrote down his number in her phone and how she promised to call him soon with a flirty smile.

After two weeks, Colin and Marina started to officially date and Penelope’s visits to the Bridgerton house became less frequent than before. That same night, she finally took off the band aid around her thumb.

The day she found her purpose in a conversation with Colin was also the day that led to one of the biggest heart breaks in her teenage life.

—-----------------------------------------------------------

Polly looked at Penelope with questions in her eyes.

“Was it an awfully intrusive question? I am sorry. You do not have to tell me of course.”

“No, no. I was just...trying to remember.” Penelope gulped and tried to refocus:

“If I had to be honest, I always wanted to be a romance writer. But then I discovered journalism when I was attending university and I found out that I was rather good at it. And I stuck with it”

“I understand. Although I must admit that I was surprised to see you apply to this position. It’s a step down from your former position at Vogue as an editor-in-chief.”

“I do not see it as a step down. I see it as taking a much needed detour. And I am happy to finally get to work with you. Your magazine is one of the only independent ones on the market.”

“Well, that might change soon.”

Penelope feigned a surprised reaction, but she knew what Polly was hinting at. It was the very reason why she had decided to work here. But for now, Eloise had to keep their investigation under wraps.

It started one year ago. Eloise was working on a case as a defencet lawyer, in which her client was accusing her employer of social misconduct. The employer was an editor-in-chief at a local newspaper and the more Eloise threw her head in the case, the more she discovered that those cases seemed to occur more regularly at the newspaper and especially at the media outlets that were owned by one big media firm: NexaVision.

The company had a long history of sexual misconduct and #metoo cases- starting from the very top with the CEO: George Wickham. But somehow they managed to sweep every little scandal under the rug. In no short part thanks to the diverse range of media outlets they owned: starting from television networks to radio stations and online platforms. It was in a word "perverted". They controlled the narrative, which was why they could get away with so many things. The concerning thing about George Wickham was not only how he abused his position of power, but also the questionable political agency. His political views were right-leaning, he was a strong supporter of the pro-life movement and there was one instance where people discovered a picture of him dressed in "brown face". It had sparked some outrage, but because of his position no one could force him to resign.

Eloise was used to encountering structures of power imbalance and abuse as a lawyer, but somehow this case had gotten under her skin and she found herself working day and night to prove her client's claim. As she told Penelope, it reminded her of one instance where her college professor had told her to come to his office after class to discuss her grade. When he spelled out his offer of how he could improve her grade and put it in very uncompromising terms, Eloise felt sick to her stomach and immediately filed for a sexual harassment claim. However, the university protected her professor because he was tenured and merely offered her to switch courses. The moment Penelope heard about this, she felt a surge of emotions and could do nothing except hug her tightly and tell her that she did not deserve this.

Ultimately, Eloise did not win the case. The company had managed to intimidate her client and offered a promotion in exchange for an NDA. Eloise knew that it was not her place to persuade her client. At the end of the day, she knew that her client had to be realistic. But something in her still shattered when the boss was proclaimed as innocent. And after that, she worked a lot of pro-bono cases, but she could not bring herself to accept bigger cases. That was until she heard a rumor that George Wickham was planning to merge his company with the one behind Polly's magazine. And when Penelope confessed to her during a night out that she did not just want to be a columnist anymore and try her hand at more political pieces, it was a no-brainer to work together and figure out a way to investigate undercover.. Looking at Polly's face, Penelope understood the moral ambiguity of it all. She certainly did not enjoy the deception.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Do you think she noticed my sweat shirt?", Felicity asked Lucy.

"It's hard not to notice", she said, pointing at the big bold letters that spelled "Oxford".

"You know, I have been meaning to take her out to lunch tomorrow. You can join us if you like."

"Really?"

But the next moment, Felicity's expression turned crestfallen and Lucy understood why.

"It's my treat", she assured her and Felicity cheered up.

She was always short of money and it was hard to survive in London with the measly salary of an intern.

A few feet away from them, Fife was striking up a conversation with Colin:

"So, I believe you owe me an explanation."

"Whatever for?"

"You could have warned me how big of a smoke-show that Featherington girl turned into. The last time I saw her, she was an awkward girl with her grandma's wardrobe who was following you around with heart eyes. This Penelope knows what she wants. She's very sexy."

Colin found himself once again getting increasingly aggravated by Fife's commentary. He was the annoying voice of a narrator no one asked for, and his continuous hovering whilst Colin was trying to work was not helping. Which had become an almost impossible task since the moment Penelope had entered through the door.

"What do you want, Fife?"

"I want to know what the bro-code is here. Is it okay if I try and hit on her?"

He had sensed that the conversation would lead in this direction. But he could not ignore the strange twist in his stomach. Which was weird because it was not like Penelope was his. It was not like they were exes. They shared some history, yes and there was one instance where the lines around their friendship had become blurry but they made no commitment to each other and she was a grown woman (made all the more clear by the dress that hugged her curves in all the right places). But she was never his and he was never hers. She had made sure of that 14 years ago. She closed the door before he could even open it.

"I was just kidding, Bridgerton. No need to get riled up. Besides, she appears to have a type.“

Fife had to bite his tongue when Colin‘s ears perked up and he slowly turned around.

"You forget that I was still at the bar while you left with Elena. Don‘t you think I saw the kind of guy who hit up on her? I will only say this: he was a poor man‘s version of Colin Bridgerton.“

"Oh, piss off, Fife.“

"You say one thing but your grin says another, Bridgerton.“

Colin was about to flip him off, but then he heard Polly‘s voice behind him:

"Fife, Colin: I believe we have a meeting to discuss your column.“

Fife and Colin exchanged a questioning gaze until they remembered that the meeting was indeed set for today. Colin immediately grabbed his laptop while Fife followed behind Polly, scratching his neck. It was obvious he didn‘t give this enough thought.

Polly was about to enter the meeting room, but glanced over her shoulder at the desk between Lucy‘s and Felicity‘s. Penelope was setting up her desk when she looked up and saw three sets of eyes looking back at her.

"Penelope, did you not say that you were an editor-in-chief before? I believe we might benefit a great deal from your expert opinion.“

While Colin‘s heart was hammering in his chest, not understanding how quickly the situation turned,Penelope had a befuddled look on her face and without meaning to, she dropped her paper clips.

"I‘m sorry, Polly. I‘m not sure I follow.“

"I would like you to review Mr. Bridgerton‘s proposal with me. Do you mind?“

Penelope looked at Colin who had a horrified expression in his eyes and slowly shook his head, desperate for her to get the hint. But that‘s something he should have thought of before he basically slutshamed her for her hook up.

The moment her lips curved upwards while her eyes remained unmoving, Colin knew what her answer would be.

"Why, yes Polly. I do not mind giving my expert opinion.“

She was flexing the expert  part too much for Colin‘s liking. And there was no need for her to strut like a peacock while he had to improvise because he did not prepare the presentation. And there was absolutely no need for her to whisper to him “Do your worst, Bridgerton“ whilst gliding past him.

————————————————

Thankfully, Fife had the presentation from last time, which, much to his relief, Polly had not seen. Though it was unfinished, the main points was there. All they needed to prove to her was how they would bring in more readers while also staying true to his articles. And in truth, he was no stranger to improvising. He did not need a detailed script, he already knew the direction he wanted to take the column. The truly aggravating part was how Penelope‘s frown at the beginning turned into a scowl at some point and how she would scribble something in her notes after almost every word. She was throwing him off his game here! Fife was no help either. He was merely repeating what Colin said and in this moment Colin felt as though he was in school again, having to deal with a freeloading groupmate.

Polly apparead unfazed but even she looked over to Penelope in surprise whenever she began writing something.

By the end, Colin just wanted to get through the whole ordeal and it seemed that Fife was in a similar headspace.

"Alright, Penelope. Why don‘t you start first? I feel as though you have a lot of things to say“, Polly gestured to the full pages of notes on her desk with an amused smile.

"Right, I don’t have much to say except that I think it's very questionable how you enforce your white savior agenda under the guise of philanthropy."

„Uhm,“ Colin looked at Fife who looked between the two of them, clearly prefering to be the audience to the verbal smackdown that was about to go down.

"I'm sorry?", Colin asked with an irritated smile on his lips.

Penelope's face however remained cold and unmoving.

"You said that you want to highlight some NGO's in South Africa instead of just going on a safari tour. Well, did you know that one of the NGO's you mentioned is actually notorious for not cooperating with local initiatives and only hiring white people? They advertise themselves to young, affluent white people and feed them the illusion that they can save the world for three weeks by building schools in Namibia, they extort money from them but none of the schools benefit local people. In fact, the money goes in the pockets of the CEO who is famous for laundering money overseas. Not to mention that it's poor in taste for a man like you -a white, English man from a country known for its ruthless history of colonizing and exploiting countries- to visit such countries and only endorse white NGO's."

There was a pause in which everyone could have heard a pin drop. But the silence did not last long, because Penelope was not finished.

"I have actually edited a dissertation on this very topic. If you need a crash course in overcoming this mentality, you are free to visit the lecture of my dear friend Chioma Ngozie Adichie. She's a professor at Oxford and I believe this semester she is holding a lecture about Colonialism and White Saviorism."

A mischievous grin played up on her lips. One that he would have been happy to wipe off with an equally condescending remark if only...she had not been right. Because she was right and he must have lived a very sheltered life because up until this moment, no one dared to confront him with his privileges. At least not with this degree of brutal honesty.

"But I like the idea of focusing on one continent every year", Penelope admitted and Colin could already feel the tension in the room go away a little.

To his relief, Polly also nodded in agreement.

"I also find it promising that you want to focus on the local cuisine and highlight the cultural elements of it. Most travel columns I know only focus on sight-seeing and the landscapes, but yours reads like a diary. It's personal, it's funny and relatable because you also talk about your anxieties- in a refreshingly open and honest manner."

And at that moment it was as though it was the Penelope from 17 years ago spoke to him. He remembered the day when he spied her notepad on the table and how much he enjoyed her writing. He could have sworn that her gaze softened at the last part, when she mentioned his anxieties. That she was seeing right through him, that she understood every single one of his thoughts. He felt this pull again between the two of them. The one that compelled him to compliment her writing and the one that was there already during their first meeting in the kitchen. For some reason, he could not stop himself from talking to her and teasing her. But then Penelope's gaze turned hard again and she focused on her notes.

"I agree", Polly said, interrupting his thoughts and turned to him, "I always liked your writing style and maybe if you contact local journalists, you could avoid the problems Penelope mentioned and check for your own biases as a white person. Also for the food part, you could cooperate with Albion. Penelope, you could not meet him today because he was out of office but he's our food journalist. He has a weird obsession with cheese and he has a reputation for discovering Michelin starred restaurants before everyone else."

"We will think about it", Fife finally said, finally finding his tongue.

"Thank you, Polly“, Colin said and then to Penelope, "Thank you, Miss Featherington.“

Penelope gave him a tight-lipped smile and Fife had an amused expression on his face while Polly seemed intrigued by what had just transpired.

"Then I suggest you revise your proposal one last time. Penelope, thank you for your suggestions. If you want, you two could stay behind to go through the specific points Penelope raised. Fife?"

Fife was quick to understand Polly's cue for a change and grabbed his things, while Penelope and Colin seemed panicked that they were left behind. In a closed room. Just the two of them.

"That was brutal", Fife remarked to Polly after closing the door behind him and wiggling his hand as if he had just been burnt.

"She did not say anything that was not true", Polly said wryly, "But I agree, the tone was questionable. Makes you wonder about the nature of their relationship, but I will make no speculations. It's good that she concluded with positive feedback at least. Otherwise, I would have been in hot waters for enabling a hostile work environment."

"Oh, don't worry about that, Polly. I reckon it is regular conduct for the two of them. It's just a very stark contrast to what I witnessed in the past."

"Whatever do you mean?"

"Oh, nothing. Let‘s just say that there was a time when they could stay in a room without being at each other's throats."

"Interesting. Do you think that there is a foreseeable catastrophe in the future I should be aware of? Like a ticking time bomb situation?"

"Maybe, but maybe not in a way you expect", Fife said while looking through the drapes of the meeting room. He had a knowing grin on his face.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile Colin and Penelope were in the room, left to their own devices and looking anywhere but each other.

"This is ridiculous", Colin finally broke the silence and approached her side of the table, sitting beside her. He could feel her stiffening in her chair.

"You can leave if you want." he said as he sat down.

"No", Penelope said and turned to him, "You are right, this is ridiculous. We should be able to work together. And I am sorry if my tone was harsh earlier. I guess it was a bit of a payback for your comment earlier. "

Understanding the insinuation, Colin's ears tinged red.

"I did not mean to imply that you're sexually promiscuous if that's what you're referring to. If anything, I am a bigger manwhore than anyone in London."

"Really?", Penelope said with a sly grin, "I never noticed."

The sarcasm was dripping from her voice and Colin could not fault her for that. He had a bit of a reputation. And she did just witness him walking out of the bar with Elena.

"But I still don't understand why you had to be so hard on me. If I recall it correctly, the first time I came across your writing I was a lot more gracious."

A soft sigh escaped her lips and she nodded. For a moment Colin was distracted by her heaving chest and the way the sun cast a golden hue on her hair. But he snapped himself out of it before she could catch him gawking.

"If I had to be entirely honest, you were the reason why I started writing seriously and I will be grateful for that. You made me believe that I could make a living with it and you were right."

For a while, they only stared at each other. Colin was caught off guard for the second time. First, by the compliment that had followed immediately after her critique and now by her honest and sincere admission. Maybe there was a way for them to get along after all. Even if it would require to dance around the elephant in the room.

"And now look at you", he said, "I never saw anyone with such a steep career. I am proud of you, I truly am."

"Thank you." Her voice became small and he did not understand why, but she tensed up again. And she switched the topic of the conversation:

"I actually don't have anything to add regarding your column. But if you have any questions, you can always come to me. Or we can exchange numbers."

It felt surreal that she would give him her number so easily, when 14 years ago he remembered how he was begging Eloise for it. He felt a bitter emotion closing his throat and tried to swallow it away.

"Sure."

He gave her his phone and she typed her number. When he saw the name she saved herself under, he had to stifle a laugh:

"Eloise's friend?"

"That's how you introduced me, remember?"

He did not say anything. Instead, he called her number and she rolled her eyes when his number popped on her screen.

"Just had to make sure that it's not a fake number", he said sheepishly.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That night, Penelope was ruminating over the conversation with Colin and her first day at work.

She thought that most of her colleagues were very agreeable. Lucy and Felicity had offered to take her out for lunch, which she happily accepted. And she thought about inviting Elena along to thank her for the pictures. All in all, she thought that she did a good job surviving her first day at work. But there was one moment in the meeting room where she felt her walls crumble. It seemed, even after 14 years no one could manage to get under her skin as well as him. When he declared how proud of her he was, she could feel that he meant every word and it felt like a callback to the first time she caught him reading her notes. Back then, he made her promise that she would mention him in her footnote if she became successful one day. She knew that he said that only in jest, but they both could not have foreseen that one day he would indeed be reduced to a footnote. And just when she thought that he would remain a chapter of her past life, a new chapter started. One, where they both had to navigate a friendship which she willingly broke.

Penelope was not sure how that chapter would end.

———————————————-

Chapter Text

16 years ago

Penelope was listening to Beyonce’s “If I Were A Boy” on full blast. She had just dropped her newest album and Penelope was no stranger to heartbreak songs. 

It was not like she was waiting for Colin to come around and reciprocate her feelings. No, Penelope was not that delusional. She knew that while she was born for him, Colin Bridgerton had been born for someone else. Judging by how steady his relationship with her cousin was going, he was more than content. 

It was the fact that she still saw him that made it hard for her to get over him, even though she was avoiding him and keeping her visits to the Bridgerton house to a minimum. On her 16th birthday, he was there. Because of course she could not say no to Marina when she asked her if she could bring her boyfriend. 

She chose a bowling alley for such an event, and had invited Eloise along with some of her friends from the debate club. While she kept on missing round after round, she could hear her friends swoon over him while Marina relished in the attention of being a Bridgertons girlfriend. She was glad to have an ally in Eloise, who would scoff at Colin whenever he shot his grin and winked at the girls while going on and on about his wild college parties. 

But at one point in the evening- when Penelope finally had enough and went to the open bar- he approached her, appearing right behind her, her virgin Cuba libre almost staining the counter. 

“You’re avoiding me.” he ground out.

“Colin!”

He merely sat beside her with his mojito. He smiled, but it did not fully reach his eyes and Penelope noticed that his throat bobbed nervously before he continued: 

“Don’t you think I noticed how rare your visits have become? I would have chalked it up to you being busy with school, but even during the summer break I rarely see you. Was I annoying you by asking you to proofread my essays? Did I do something to you? If I did, you have to tell me, Pen.” he said, to her surprise, quite desperately.

Penelope knew that sooner or later, this question would drop. She was not being exactly…subtle with her attempts at avoiding him. She had become so desperate, that at one point, she saw him park his scooter outside Bridgerton House and sprint across the road, leaving Eloise to stare after her confused and with a million questions. Another time, she got off the bus and spotted Colin, whilst Marina parked her car, she put on her headphones and pretended not to hear Marina call after her. 

“I was simply…busy. With school. I’m sorry, but I need to go. It was nice of you to come-”

“Pen.”

She stared at his large hand round her small wrist, gasping when he gently let go. He clearly wanted her to stay. 

How could she tell him that it killed her every time he pulled Marina for a hug and whispered in her ear and made her blush? 

Or the fact that she had to hear her cousin gush about his little gifts he left at her front door? The cities they traveled to, the movies they saw, the songs they slow danced to…

“I’m sorry” she snapped, watching his eyebrows fly up, whilst taking a sip of his drink to soothe his nerves. An action which set off a spark in her as her spine straightened. Add to that the irritation of him forcing her to sit down and Penelope was basically too tempted to not lash out.

Although her tone was too mild to call it lashing out:

“Frankly, I don’t understand why we’re having this conversation. Why would you assume that I was avoiding you? It’s not like you’re my friend. If anything, you’re my friend’s brother. And I take back what I said earlier: it was not nice of you to come. If anything, you crashed my party and made the whole evening about you by letting your ego get stroked by some high-school girls.”

Penelope hated how her voice shook, but she enjoyed the shock on his face and how for a moment, words finally started failing him, his mask of charm breaking into pieces. She noticed that his knuckles on the hand that was grabbing his drink turned white. 

“I’m sorry?”

“I did not invite you to this party, Marina did”.

“Wow”, he scoffed and a condescending smile appeared on his face. “I didn’t know I was not welcome. And here I thought that we were friends. I guess I was wrong. I’m sorry, I disturbed you.”

Penelope did not, or could not do anything. Not when he stood up, leaving his drink half full. Not when he grabbed Marina’s hand and said goodbye to the others and certainly not when Marina hugged her goodbye and apologized for Colin’s behavior while over her shoulder, she made eye contact with him. He quickly averted his gaze. 

When he finally left, Penelope, with her back turned to her friends, let the tears fall. She watched them disperse with the condensation from her drink. 

The lyrics from her song that morning resounded in the back of her head: 

“But you're just a boy

You don't understand

How it feels to love a girl, someday

You don't listen to her

You don't care how it hurts”

And that was how she let Colin Bridgerton ruin her 16th birthday. She felt like an asshole the entire evening, because she knew that deep down he was a kind boy and only meant well. But instead of asking her whether everything was okay with her, his first two questions had been about him. How she had been avoiding him, how he might have hurt her but even in her most heartbroken state, he failed to truly see her. 

However, that Tuesday evening was not the last surprise life had in store for her. She could not foresee how another cruel twist of fate could befall her; and yet it did, because two weeks after her 16th birthday, her father died in a car accident.

When it happened, the Principal called her out of English class and broke the news to her in his office.  She did not cry, because it did not feel real. She didn’t react to Eloise’s hug, to the sympathy in her eyes, with Eloise knowing her pain, because it did not feel real. It felt like she was an actress, putting on a performance in everything she did. Penelope thought that everyone around her was in the same play as her, all forced to improvise in a tragic situation. She had no script, she had known no other pain to measure with this one. And there was no stage direction. She felt awkward and exposed and that feeling persisted.

But when she was in the morgue, touching her father’s hand, pale and cold, everything became very real. Her heart rate increased, her lungs closed in on themselves. Unable to breathe, a million thoughts raced through her brain. All of them connected to this moment, and the realization that it was just hours before that incident he had planted a kiss on her cheek before she left for school. A nurse noticed her panic attack and immediately took her outside and into an unoccupied room, reassuring her that everything was okay while helping her to breathe again. 

The feeling of being on stage continued. When they were at her father’s funeral, she felt like everyone was judging her performance. She felt compelled to tell them that she was not good at improv, that she did not know how one best performed the role of a grief-stricken daughter. Besides, it was not her decision to live in a world where her father no longer existed. It was a cruel decision someone else made on her behalf.

Her mother had picked yellow daisies for his grave, telling her that it was a happy color. She wanted him to be happy, wherever he was. 

The guests finally arrived and Penelope saw that her mother was greeting everyone while she chose to stand beside her father’s coffin with her sisters. She could not fathom that in less than one hour, his body would be underground. She would only have some photographs and her memories to rely on. 

“Prudence, look. The Bridgertons came.” Philippa hissed

Penelope did not understand her sister Philippa’s comment at first. Of course they would be here. Her mother had invited Violet and Eloise. Naturally, she followed her sister’s line of sight, and saw that behind Violet and Eloise, Colin appeared with Marina and her uncle following closely behind. Marina seemed reluctant to look around while Colin was scanning the crowd until his eyes found hers. It was too unbearable for Penelope to see the sympathy reflected in them. Too many people had looked at her with those eyes. So she turned back and let her sisters squeeze her hands in support. 

After the service was over, it was time to bury the coffin. A crowd of people emerged to witness the burial, and Eloise had by that time already rushed to her side. But Penelope’s breathing turned ragged again. She slowly retreated, so she did not have to see her father getting squeezed in the tiny space underground. During his life, he was someone who had commanded so much attention, so much space. She would miss the times when he feigned having lost to her in chess games and how he would fly a kite with her in Alexandra Place. Every autumn. It was their tradition. 

Now that tradition had also died with him. But she had managed to slip a kite in his coffin. Just in case he might want to go flying again.

She finally exited the circle of people and when her legs started to almost give away, she spotted a willow tree in the near distance. She walked towards it, trying to focus on the breathing techniques the nurse taught her. But the moment her back slumped against the branch of the tree, she felt a knot in her throat and she started seeing stars. The feeling of her drowning returned, but this time she heard a muffled voice. Someone was screaming her name. She wanted to push them away, but when she felt someone shake her arms and the voice got closer, she was suddenly gasping for air again and the stars disappeared. 

“Penelope! Penelope are you okay? Penelope, everything’s going to be alright. Do you hear me? Please, follow my voice, Penelope. Close your eyes and find my voice.”

She felt him bring her fingers to his chest.

“Slow your breathing. You got this. Breathe through your nose. Feel my chest move”

And she did.

Slowly, the pressure in her chest began to lighten, and the birds chirping filled her ears, whilst the wind blew against her face. When she slowly opened her mouth, she could breathe again. 

“If you are ready, open your eyes. Can you do that for me?”

Panicked, confused blue eyes stared back into hers. And they belonged to none other than Colin Bridgerton, who was tenderly stroking the back of her hands. 

“T-Thank you”, she said, her voice still strangled. 

There was a genuine worry in his eyes, and he held her hands tightly in response. But when she attempted to stand, he grabbed her by her arms and helped her up. 

“Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

“No”, she said, with a soft smile and smoothed out her dress, shakily, “I’m okay. That was not my first panic attack.” 

Colin’s eyes grew wide and she noticed that there were patches of green on his trousers, where he had knelt down to be level with her. Before he could ask his next question, she answered: 

“It happened at the morgue.”

“Oh.”

Penelope could not bear the awkward silence, so she tried to dissuade the situation with a little humor: 

“Do you have a nursing degree I don’t know about? How did you know what to do to calm me down?”

“Anthony” he squeaked. “He also started getting panic attacks after my father’s death. He was the one who witnessed it, so I learned how to calm him down over time.”

If it was not for her own heartbreak that was robbing every bit of empathy from her, Penelope would have offered some consoling words. She and Colin shared the same fate, the same pain. Only he seemed to have the advantage of already having learned how to deal with said pain. 

“I’m sorry”, she merely rasped, “It must have been hard.”

“I’m sorry too, Pen. For your loss, for everything.”

She looked up to him and for a minute, it was hard to make out his face as the willow tree cast long shadows over him, But the next moment she saw that there was genuine compassion in his eyes. This time, she held his stare. She would not crumble and refused to feel small when someone sympathized with her: 

“Thank you.” And then finally spotting some familiar silhouettes in the distance, she added: 

“We should go back.”

“We can stay here if you want. You don’t need to force yourself and Eloise and your mother already know that I am with you.”

“Really? Would that be okay?”

“You just had a panic attack, Pen. No one will force you to be a part of the ceremony if it literally kills you to-”

And then he winced, regretting his choice of words: 

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

She sat back down, leaning against the tree, with her legs crossed and looked straight ahead. If she turned back, she would see her father being buried. But she preferred to see the wide, blue expanse of the sky.

Colin copied her seated position.

“What am I to do with this pain, Colin?”

She could hear how he was caught off guard with the way he fidgeted and tensed up. But he replied: 

“As cruel as it sounds, you need to embrace it. You need to accept it, you need to not let it turn you bitter. And if it means acknowledging that pain again, helps you put yourself in your friend’s shoes and be a shoulder to lean on, then so be it.”

The insinuation at the last part did not escape her and he just doubled down on it: 

“Even if you are an uninvited guest at her father’s funeral.” he teased.

This time, her throat closed up for a whole other reason. She did not dare to turn to her left, or else more tears would fall.

And Penelope realized that she was utterly wrong. 

Colin Bridgerton was indeed her friend. He might be Marina’s boyfriend, but he was her friend first. And there was value in a friendship, sometimes it was more enduring than love so if a friendship with Colin Bridgerton was the only good thing she would get in this lifetime, she would take it. She would treasure it. She would hold it near and dear to her heart. 

“Thank you for being my friend, Colin.”

They both realized the significance of the words, but for entirely different reasons. For him, a door that he tried very hard to nudge opened and for her, another closed. He smiled. 

“You have a way of seeing right through me, did you know that?”

When he saw the recognition of his words in her eyes, he chuckled softly and leaned further back: 

“You were right about the birthday party. I was being an idiot, and made it all about me. It was your special day. Truth be told, I had failed my driver’s test, and was desperate for a distraction. So you hit a nerve when you called me out and I guess I did not like that.”

“No”, Penelope assured him, “I was too hard on you. And there is nothing wrong with failing. You can always retake it. It’s very human to seek distraction if life gets overwhelming. Besides, it’s not like I didn’t want you to be there. It was just too-”

She suddenly stopped, her breath hitched when he leaned forward in anticipation.

“Just too what?”

“Forget about it.”

“What is it, Pen?”

“Not important”, she said, turning back to him with a pained smile on her face that for some reason pierced his heart. He was overwhelmed by whatever he was feeling at the moment and even more so when she mumbled to herself rather than him: 

“You would not understand.”

He decided to let it go. 

…………………………………………………………………………………..

Penelope winked at Lucy and Felicity when she walked in. She was limping a little, the new chunky heels she bought were a tad too small after all, but she was never one to go outside without wearing heels. They made her more confident. 

It seemed that the two of them had already ordered some drinks and she gave both of them light kisses before she sat down. 

“So sorry! Polly had something to discuss with me last minute and it was hard to get a word in. You both know how she is.”

“She can be…assertive. But I reckon that is a necessary quality in her position”, Felicity said while taking a sip from her drink. Penelope immediately warmed up to her. 

“Elena also said that she is running late. Something about editing her photos”, Lucy supplied to which Penelope nodded. 

“I heard. She doesn’t hang about does she?”

“She has always been a bit of a workaholic”, Lucy said while taking her ring off. Penelope looked up from the menu she was flipping through: 

“You already know her?”

“We have some mutual friends, and we attended the same photography club in college. I am just surprised to see that she is no longer in front of the camera-”

“Ha! I knew it!”, Penelope cried out and two sets of eyes looked at her baffled to which she blushed. 

“I’m sorry. I just had suspected that she had a modeling career. And I do enjoy being right about things.”

“Oh, we noticed”, Lucy said with a meaningful grin and when Penelope did not understand, Felicity explained: 

“Fife told us about what happened in the meeting with Colin. That you could cut tension with a knife, and that he had never ever seen Colin get such a professional scolding. ”

Penelope decided that she would get the french toast and closed the menu. 

“That one is a blabbermouth, isn’t he?”, she asked, her voice laced with irritation, which for some reason delighted Lucy.

“He is not one to be discreet, but he is also known to be truthful.”

“The only thing I did was to make Mister Bridgerton aware of his privileges and how those privileges can affect his writing. That is all I’m going to say about that matter.”

They were interrupted by the waitress and after they finished ordering, Penelope noticed that their curiosity still had not faded. She chuckled seeing how eager the two of them were about her next words:

“Now enough about me. I am the one who needs information here. What do I have to know about everyone in the office? Are there any quirks I should be aware of? Any gossip ?”, she asked and leaned forward at the last part. 

Lucy looked at Felicity: 

“Well, if we start with the gossip: Fife hooked up with Edwina last summer. It’s kind of an open secret, but now they avoid each other if they can. I guess one of them caught feelings.”

“We all think it’s Fife” Lucy interjected, “He likes to act as though he is Casanova, but deep inside he is a softie.”

“Oh?”, Penelope was surprised, “That was not exactly my first impression of him. But good to know.”

“Apart from that, Polly has a serious case of misophonia. Her office is sound proofed if you noticed. So avoid clicking your pen or tapping your shoes in front of her if you can.”

That was good to know, because Penelope did have the habit of clicking her pen whenever she was deep in thought. 

Finally, the food arrived and Penelope happily dug in her french toast. It was the first proper meal she had as she had only time to drink a protein shake in the morning. Her kitchen was still not installed, but by next week she would be able to cook again. She looked forward to having an oven and being able to bake again. It was one of the only things that truly relaxed her. 

For a while, they were happily munching on their food, until Lucy took a big sip from her lemonade and quirked her eyebrows at Penelope: 

“Now to you: what is a quirk of yours that we should be aware of? For example, is there more to the animosity you feel towards a certain Bridgerton?”

Penelope rolled her eyes inwardly, but she tried to not let it show. It was her fault in a way. Had she been able to act indifferent and cold on her first day, she would not need to hear those questions. She was the one who had stoked the fire. 

“It is not animosity. And it may be hard to believe, but we used to be friends in the past. We just grew apart at one point so it’s been a tad…unnerving to work with him in the same place and that is all I’m going to say.”

In truth, it was as if her past was intruding on her present. That was the truly unnerving part. 

“I can say that he is really pleasant to work with, if that’s any relief to you”, Felicity chimed in to everyone’s surprise, “During my first week, I had made a mistake on the website and had to re-upload every single article of our latest magazine issue. I had to work late because it was too embarrassing to admit to my mistake and I was afraid I would get fired. He was the only one who noticed and offered to help me. Despite having a flight the very next day. He even did a snack run and drove me home.”

“That’s true, Colin Bridgerton is very gallant”, Lucy remarked, “Out of all the men in the office, he is the only one who doesn’t interrupt women during meetings. I know, it is the bare minimum in some people’s eyes, but he always makes sure to give credit and offers to take notes during meetings. He is also the leader of the party planning committee-”

“The party planning committee?”, Penelope asked with a lopsided grin. 

Lucy laughed and set down her fork: 

“He likes to organize, but I rather suspect that the real reason he did that was because he did not want the work to fall on the women of the office. Yes, he may be a bit of a known flirt and have a reputation, but he is not a misogynist. I suspect that it has something to do with having sisters. Somehow, it is a little bit of a green flag when men grow up with sisters. They tend to be more attentive, more considerate.”

“Oh, that’s a fact”, Penelope said. 

And come to think of it, those were two perfect words that summarized him. 

Attentive and considerate.

Suddenly, Penelope had a very intrusive thought and it set a fire inside her. A different kind of fire. 

“Are you alright?”, Lucy asked and Penelope had to swallow convulsively. Her cheeks started to flush and she could feel the temperature rising in her body, because suddenly the memory of him looking up from between her legs resurfaced.

She was utterly and thoroughly fucked. 

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

14 years ago

She tugged his hair while his tongue mercilessly darted forward. Her hips started to buck, but he laid his hand on her stomach and pressed her down. It was both torture and ecstasy. At one point, it became so unbearable that she held onto his hand, their fingers becoming intertwined.

Every once in a while, he would flatten his tongue and lap up her juices while she continued moaning. Whenever his name would slip from her lips in between strangled gasps, she would feel his enthusiasm. He would begin to suck harder and hum in content, sending vibrations through her body.

“Are you alright?”, he suddenly asked and she was mesmerized when she saw how shiny his lips were.

She had done this to him.
And he looked very pleased with himself. 

“Yes”, she said, her breathing shaky, her eyes hooded and a little grin on her lips. 

He let out a pleased chuckle and brushed the curls off her face to plant a soft kiss on her temple. 

“There is more where that came  from, Pen“, he whispered in her ear. And when he continued to explore every inch of her body and she pressed her head into his pillow, she was enveloped by his scent. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Quite alright”, Penelope said, finally waking from her daydream. Her voice was shaky and she noticed her french toast was no longer one piece. 

And to her relief, the attention shifted away from her as Elena arrived. For the rest of lunch, Elena and Lucy talked about their college professors, an upcoming gala they were planning to visit and the upcoming magazine issue. Every once in a while, Penelope would nod absentmindedly and it took great effort to comment. But it was hard to focus when the fire was still alive. 

—------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter Text

15 years ago

Penelope and Eloise were dipping their feet in the pool while Anthony and Kate helped Violet with preparing for the garden party. Thankfully, the weather forecast had been promising and for once there was no rain in March. They also had cause to celebrate as Benedict had managed to get accepted into the Royal College of Art and just in time, Colin and Marina would return from their trip to Cyprus. It was Colin’s gift to Marina to celebrate their upcoming one year anniversary. 

Eloise was sucking on an orange and cream ice cream while Penelope was reading Wuthering Heights. She would underline certain passages with her yellow marker, especially the ones describing Heathcliff and Catherine. 

One quote in particular stuck out to her: 

“Time brought resignation, and a melancholy sweeter than common joy.”

But, when she was about to flip to the next page, she noticed three things: how Eloise was no longer leaning her head against her shoulder,  how the voices behind her back increased, and how a very familiar voice was loud. 

“Thanks for picking us up, Ben.”

Penelope felt a strange twist in her stomach and at the same time, she could feel his gaze on her, her skin prickling at the mere thought of it. She knew at one point she would need to turn around and face him. 

So she closed her book, stood up and put her sandals on. She picked up her book back again and flattened her summer dress and when she looked up, she saw how his eyes had already caught hers while hugging Eloise. Marina was by his side with their suitcases and chatting with Benedict. 

He had a tan now and his loosely buttoned shirt did not leave much to the imagination. But to her surprise, he did not approach her. Instead, he gave her a small nod and squeezed Marina’s hand. Marina stilled when she saw Penelope. 

“Oh, Pen. I did not expect to see you here. What a pleasant surprise.”

Somehow, Penelope did not appear convinced that it was a pleasant surprise. 

“Sorry to disappoint”, she supplied with a grin that was supposed to be joking, but ended up being a tad self-deprecating. Thankfully, Eloise and Benedict swooped in to her rescue: 

“Marina, let’s show you to your guest room”, Benedict said while grabbing her suitcase. 

Eloise grabbed Penelope’s arm: 

“We thought the more the merrier. Speaking of which, Pen, where is Remington?”

“Who is Remington?”

Everyone turned to Colin, who seemed to instantly regret his outburst. He avoided Marina’s eyes that darted between him and Penelope.

But out of all of them, Eloise appeared the least fazed. She scoffed and ignored the red blush creeping on her friend’s cheeks: 

“She is Penelope’s boyfriend. They met at a Bush concert.”

A deep scowl appeared on Colin’s face.

“Huh, I didn't peg you for a grunge fan, Penelope.”

Of course Benedict had the perfect comment for every situation and thankfully by that time, Penelope found her tongue again and could successfully ignore Colin’s piercing gaze. 

“We have only been dating for a few weeks, El. We did not label it yet.”

“Oh, it has to be serious enough if he is your plus one”, Marina said and there was an edge to her voice. It seemed to be pointed at Colin, who was about to say something when Penelope interjected: 

“Can we please drop the subject? I will not discuss my relationship in front of you.”

But the heavens had no mercy on Penelope because just on cue, Remington appeared with Anthony and Kate beside him. Anthony was helping him with his wheelchair while Kate chuckled at a joke he cracked. He was holding a bouquet of hyacinths and sunflowers in his hand. 

“Pen!” 

His face lit up when he saw her and Penelope rushed to his side: 

“Henry! You made it.”

“I like this one, Penelope”, Kate whispered in a low tone when she walked past her and judging by the soft smile Anthony gave her over Kate’s shoulder, he appeared to feel the same. Penelope felt mortified. The only thing missing was Anthony walking her down the aisle to give her to Henry. 

Henry Remington withdrew one sunflower from the bouquet and gave it to her, a glint in his blue eyes: 

“A flower for my flower.”

Colin rolled his eyes whilst Penelope thought it was perfectly corny and sweet. Henry had a way of being earnest with just the right amount of sarcasm mixed in between. 

“Thank you for coming. And let me introduce you to the rest of the family. I believe you already know Kate and Anthony. This is Eloise, my best friend, Benedict and Colin Bridgerton and-”

“Ah, I remember: Did your mother not name you alphabetically?”

Eloise chuckled at Remington’s comment: 

“She did. If I could go back in time, I would tell mum and dad to stop shagging at any point. At least after the letter E.”

Penelope had to give credit to Henry for not getting flustered by Eloise’s comment. Eloise could be quite….straightforward. And she was lucky that Francesca was not here or Eloise would not hear the end of it. 

“And this is Marina, who is also my cousin. The rest of the Bridgertons are in Scotland I’m afraid.”

“Not to worry. I have just been told that those who matter stop after the letter E”, he said, winking at Eloise who let out a delighted gasp.  

“And I’m as you heard Henry Remington, Penelope’s boyfriend”, he said before Penelope had any chance. 

Penelope could feel everyone’s eyes on her. Without knowing it, Henry just settled a burning question and she threw a warning glance at Benedict before he could let out a teasing whistle. But more than the Bridgertons’ collective noisiness, what really unnerved her was the way Colin had not blinked once since the second Remington had appeared. 

Before she could hear about another Bridgerton declaring their seal of approval for her boyfriend- boyfriend, what a strange and equally delightful word- she would take him to the other end of the garden. 

—————————————

At dinner time, everyone was gathered around the table. Penelope sat by her boyfriend‘s side but of course Colin and Marina had to occupy the seats in front of them. She could feel Colin‘s hesitation when he looked at his seat, but for some reason Marina nudged him and he obliged. Henry handled his interrogation by the Bridgertons with grace and Penelope could feel how particularly protective Anthony and Benedict felt about her. Something that had increased since her father’s passing. And judging by the smile on Violet’s face and the way he could hold his own against their wit, he had gained the approval of every last Bridgerton on the table except- Colin, who did not make any effort to acknowledge Henry’s presence. 

At one point, Marina and Colin excused themselves from the table explaining that they wanted to rest. Apart from the side eye that Eloise gave them, no one seemed to mind. It was hard not to notice but the whole time, the Bridgertons -apart from the exchange from empty pleasantries- made no genuine attempt to involve Marina in the conversation. 

And Penelope had a feeling that there was a lot of subtext to Marina leaving early. But apart from Violet, no one really expressed their dismay. 

“I will fetch the scones”, Penelope offered when Anthony and Benedict finished tidying up the table. The Bridgertons had asked her once again to bake her signature blueberry scones. 

Once in the kitchen, she found the scones and she was about to leave, when she heard some muffled sounds from the hallway.  She hoped she was not noticed. 

Against her better judgment, she found herself approaching the door and pressing herself against the wall, desperate to hear what was said, because the first voice clearly belonged to Marina: 

“I cannot stand it, Colin.”

“Marina, I’m sorry, it was Anthony, wasn’t it-”

“It was not just him, even your mother could not wait to get rid of me. Was it so foolish of me to assume that after almost one year your family might finally accept me? And not only that, now I have to watch her get all the attention and love from your brothers, when she is the one who ruined our holiday.”

Penelope’s heart was hammering wildly against her chest. She could not mean…her? But why? 

“Marina, we talked about this. Penelope and I are friends, nothing more. And I will not have you talk like this about her. She is a beloved member of the family.“

„And what of me? What am I to you?“

Penelope winced when Marina started yelling. The argument got more heated than she anticipated. 

“You‘re my girlfriend, you‘re the one I-„

Even Penelope knew that what Colin attempted to say and failed to, would bite him back in the worst possible way.

Marina was very quiet. 

“I told you I love you six months ago” she replied, her voice hoarse. “I did not expect you to say it back to me, but at least don‘t make me watch you fail. And if you don't want me to come between the two of you: fine. Enjoy your friendship, you just lost your girlfriend."

"Marina!"

"I won't make a big deal about it. We will spend the night here, then in the morning I will make up an excuse to leave early and after that, you can broach the topic to your family. I'm sure they will jump for joy."

The plate began to weigh heavily in Penelope's hands. When she entered the kitchen, she did not expect to become a first hand witness to their break up. She also did not expect to see Marina this vulnerable. 

She did notice that during their holiday in Cyprus, Colin started to send her less pictures than usual and his text messages became shorter and shorter to the point that her text bubbles appeared gigantic in comparison. The same Colin who would spend hours talking with her whenever he returned from his trips, merely nodded when he first saw her. 

"Can't we talk this over? Please?"

He was pleading to another woman, but the desperation in his voice still broke her heart. 

"We talked. Many times. I think it's time you questioned your definition of friendship. Is it merely because of friendly feelings that you shot daggers at her boyfriend today? Or that you forced me to attend her father's funeral just so you could be there for her? Or that you invited yourself to her birthday party so she would stop avoiding you? Take a hard look in the mirror, Colin."

After that, she heard loud steps and Marina shutting the door behind her. And when she took a peak, still hiding behind the door frame she saw how he was dumbstruck, staring where Marina had just stood. They broke up on the same stairs where they first met each other. In a way, it was poetic irony. 

And if Penelope was bad with dates, then she would not remember that tomorrow would have been their first anniversary, if only Marina had held off her break up for one more day. 

What happened next, caused Penelope’s heart to palpate, as she heard someone enter.

"Penelope, we have been waiting for years. Where are you? Oh, Colin-"

"Eloise! What are you doing here?"

Penelope immediately hid under the kitchen table, her legs almost giving up. Trust Eloise to have the perfect timing.

"I was checking on Penelope. She said that she would go to the kitchen and grab- Colin, are you okay?"

"I am well, Eloise. Don't worry about it."

His voice was not convincing, it wavered a little.

Penelope had to stifle a groan when someone turned on the kitchen lights and she saw two pairs of feet  approach her. 

"Did you see her in the kitchen?" Eloise asked as she walked about, and all of a sudden, Penelope was met with the same hazy green eyes widened in surprise when he knelt in front of her. She wanted to whisper his name, but it turned silent. Without blinking, his eyes transfixed on hers, his head only a few inches away, he answered Eloise: 

"She is not here."

It was a wonder that she could still think straight. She would have felt mortified, but the shock was too overpowering. Why did he not reveal her hiding spot? Why was he not angry at her for eavesdropping? 

"Are you sure? I swear, I-"

When Colin could sense that Eloise was about to enter the kitchen, he quickly sprang up to his feet: 

"Sure as a gun. Look in the garden. Maybe she is already outside."

"But-"

Eloise was not convinced, but Colin had somehow managed to persuade her. 

And after the kitchen door closed, Penelope’s dread increased with the footsteps that approached her. He stopped in front of her once again and extended his hand to help her stand up. 

He was silent, his face an unmoving mask. She was trying to find any trace of emotions in his eyes -and was unsuccessful.

She finally took his hand. 

"I'm really sorry", she squeaked. She hated how her voice had turned mouse-like and finally felt the appropriate emotion: mortification at being caught. 

"For eavesdropping or the break up?"

How come these were the first words they exchanged this evening?

"Both", she admitted, "I really did not want to intrude, but by the time I wanted to leave, you were in the middle of a fight and-"

He started to wave his hands in an attempt to stop her from yapping. She always did when she felt nervous. Usually, not in front of him. He was one of the few people who made her feel at ease. 

“Don’t worry about it, Pen. You should probably go out, before Eloise files a missing person report.”

Once again, he was using humor to distract from his pain. 

“If you want to talk, I’m…..”, she offered. 

He chuckled, slightly shaking his head no: 

“You are probably the last person I should be talking to”, he chuckled darkly. But before he could take the words back, they had already spilled, the ink already spilling over the parchment.

“What?”, she asked breathlessly and he looked everywhere, but into her eyes. 

“Forget about it. I should go.”

It was as if he was running away from her. For a few moments, Penelope stared at where he stood. This whole…experience had been a fever dream, and she was not quite sure if the conversation on the stairs was real or an illusion. For a moment, she forgot that she had a boyfriend who was probably waiting outside and growing worried by the second, which triggered pangs of conscience because she realized that she would gladly trade a date with Remington for a heart to heart with Colin. Colin, who was still just her friend, who was supposed to be only that, but was so much more.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------

Present day

Eloise watched affectionately as Colin rough and tumbled with Oliver and Amanda in the Bridgerton drawing room. He would tickle them every once in a while and when both got on top of him, he yanked them up and carried them in his arms. 

She appreciated how he took care of them and thankfully their father would return home tomorrow. But she was not sure if the children were ready to say goodbye to their favorite uncle. 

“Okay, that’s enough for today, Oliver. Amanda, don’t tell your mother that I let you eat the Christmas cookies.” Colin asked.

“Too late for that.”

He turned around and let out a disgruntled huff when he saw Eloise approaching. 

Eloise cleared her throat and after hugging her children, she sat beside him on the carpet. When she spotted a little braid on the side of his head, she chuckled.

“Don’t”, he hissed without looking up from his phone. 

“Amanda’s work?”

“She got bored and I had to bear the brunt of it.”

“For all it’s worth, I’m very grateful. You did a really good job taking care of them.”

Colin merely smiled and stood up, stuffing the phone in his pocket: 

“They don’t call me a child whisperer for nothing. Actually, forget I said that. That does not sound right.”

Eloise chuckled but from the way his jaw was clenched and how he avoided her gaze, it was not hard to see Colin was still upset. She could not fault him for that, but she also did not know how to broach the subject.

So she opted for a probing question: 

“So, how was work this week?”

He stilted. 

“She seems to fit in well”, he admitted with a small voice. 

“But my question was about you. How are you doing with her, well-”

When he turned round, she instantly noticed his mask. The same smile that at this moment felt very cold to Eloise, but was meant to signal that she should not dig deeper. Eloise saw him don that mask quite a few times in her life. Especially in front of his friends and brothers.

“I am well, Eloise. Don’t worry about it.”

For a while, they did not say anything and when Colin was about to untie his braid, Amanda protested so he gave up and walked up to the dinner table to pick up two stacks of books. 

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some studying to do.”

Eloise spotted a very familiar name on one of the covers. She was one of the professors from Oxford Penelope was friends with. 

“Since when are you interested in Postcolonial theory?”

He did not say anything, merely gave her a tight-lipped smile. But before he could exit the room, Eloise quickly shot up. 

“Colin! Before I forget: I heard that you are organizing mother’s 60th birthday party and she gave me this.”

She extended him an envelope with a very familiar design to him, as he was the one who decided on the design, the font and everything else to ensure that Violet Bridgerton’s birthday party would remain unforgettable. 

“What about it?”

“You should look at who it is addressed to.”

When he looked at the back, he saw that the name Penelope Featherington was written in cursive. Eloise shrugged when she was met with his questioning eyes: 

“She wanted me to extend the invitation to Penelope. She said that it has almost been two decades and that you two should be able to be in a room now that you are working together. I saw no reason to protest, but I want to leave the choice up to you. If you feel uncomfortable, then I can make up an excuse. Consider it as my way of paying you back.”

Colin was touched. He could feel that Eloise was looking out for him and feeling guilty about lying to him previously. And he was sensing that there was a bigger picture to everything that happened in the last few days, which is why he asked: 

“Eloise, is there another reason Penelope is working at the magazine?”

“Yes”, she admitted, “But I can not tell you yet. I’m sorry.”

He shook his head softly: 

“Don’t be. I’m sure there is a valid reason.”

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter Text

It was Monday morning.
Which meant that Penelope would have to see his face.

Staring at her crumpled clothes still packed away in boxes (she hadn’t set up her wardrobe yet), she wondered how one ought to dress when forced to face an intruder from the past on a daily basis.

The good thing was: they had managed to exchange basic pleasantries.
She greeted him when they crossed paths.
He acknowledged her when she entered a room.

In the office, they had their rules. They had their routine. And somehow, that lunch with Felicity and Lucy had soothed her nerves.
She knew Colin wouldn't make her life harder than it had to be.

And she did regret the harsh feedback she'd given him last week.

But something had happened last Friday. Something that made her feel utterly mortified — and it certainly wasn’t the kind of conversation she ever wanted to have with him.

Last Friday

When Penelope returned to the office with Lucy, Felicity, and Elena, it was still fairly empty — except for Edwina, who was in the soundproof pod, wildly flailing her left hand while on the phone.

“Some of our colleagues work from home on Fridays,” Lucy explained.

“I see.”

Penelope subtly quirked her brow in Edwina’s direction.
“And what’s her deal?”

“Edwina? Oh, she’s doing some damage control. She was about to run a feature on a Hollywood actor, but he flunked out.”

Judging by the rash forming around Edwina’s neck, Penelope guessed the damage was significant. She could relate — at her previous job, she’d learned how to navigate the egos of unreliable clients.

Felicity made a beeline for the coffee machine while Elena turned on her computer.
Penelope liked the hush — the gentle whirring of laptops, the stillness of a spring afternoon. The moment she sat at her desk, she kicked off her high heels and slipped into her bunny slippers.

They all worked in companionable silence until Edwina emerged, visibly calmer.

“And?” Lucy asked.

Edwina scoffed softly, pulled a notepad from her bag, and jotted something down before replying.
“Apparently, the bloke is getting a nose job and wants to avoid the press for a while. We agreed to do a Zoom interview after his surgery and to use leftover photos from a press junket last October.”

“That’s a relief,” Penelope offered. Edwina gave her a soft smile.

“It’s not easy catering to the whims of celebrities.”

Then, with a groan, she stretched, cracked her knuckles (to Penelope’s dismay), and asked,
“What are you all working on?”

“I’m writing a column about the orgasm gap,” Lucy said breezily. “And how to have a more fulfilling sex life — I’m interviewing couples aged twenty to sixty.”

Felicity sputtered her coffee.
“You want to ask sixty-year-olds ?”

“Your ageism is showing, Felicity.”

“Forgive me — it’s just… do you think they’ll be as open about their experiences?”

“Oh, I believe older people have very exciting lives. Look at the Bridgertons. Judging by her litter, Violet Bridgerton must’ve had a very fulfilling time.”

Edwina gasped, scandalized.
Penelope could not believe where this conversation was heading.

And Edwina — despite being a sister-in-law to Anthony Bridgerton — didn’t seem the slightest bit embarrassed, nor did she attempt to change the subject.

Someone had to defend the honor of the Bridgerton family.

Luckily, Felicity jumped in first:

“About that orgasm gap… what do women do when they don’t, you know... finish ?”

Three sets of eyes locked on her, eyebrows arched. The collective expression said: Really? Isn’t it obvious?

Felicity’s cheeks flushed crimson. Penelope — ever the empath — took over.

“You see, Felicity, we women can become world-class performers when we don’t reach the finish line.”

Edwina chuckled. All eyes turned to Penelope as she spun in her chair, one leg propped up, hands gripping the sides. Her dress hiked up to her thigh.

“We get very… vocal ,” she said, moaning the last word.

Poor Felicity looked like she wanted to sink into the floor. The others, however, were delighted .

“We... oh yes, just like that,” Penelope purred, eyes rolling back, bouncing slightly in the chair. “We turn to the deities, stroke the male ego, and — hah , just like that, baby. Oh god. Yes, yes, yes! ”

The office was enraptured — her fiery red hair bouncing, her thigh peeking through the hiked-up fabric. She kept her chorus of “oh’s” and “ah’s” going until—

“Oh, Penelope,” Edwina hissed.

“Yes, baby?” Penelope moaned.

Lucy coughed meaningfully.

Penelope followed her gaze — and wanted to die.

It was Colin.
His eyes were fixed on her. His ears, bright red.

She yanked her dress down in a panic.

“So basically, they fake an orgasm,” Lucy said to Felicity, perfectly deadpan.
Penelope could have murdered her.

“Enjoying the performance, Bridgerton?” Edwina smirked.

Penelope decided then and there: this office would turn her into a serial killer.

“Uhm,” Colin croaked, clearly stunned. He swallowed hard — and just like that, Penelope regained her composure.

“Oh, relax, Edwina. I’m sure he’s seen plenty of women fake it in his bedroom.”

“You know that’s not true, Featherington,” Colin said sharply — and with that, the moment snapped. Order returned.

Except... his gaze still carried an intensity that sent a chill down her spine.
Penelope held onto her mask — the one she’d carefully built over the years to guard her emotions around him.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Bridgerton.”

“What are you doing here, anyway?” Edwina asked. “You never come in on Fridays.”

“I should be asking you,” Colin replied. His eyes fell on Penelope’s bunny slippers, and a smile tugged at his lips. “You know the Bridgerton golf tournament’s in St. Andrews. It’s not a short drive.”

Ever the master of deflection , Penelope thought, turning on her laptop.

“I don’t recall RSVPing yes,” Edwina said. “It was ‘pending’ — which is code for ‘not coming.’ Especially not after last year.”

“What happened last year?” Lucy asked.

“Oh, nothing,” Edwina replied with mock nonchalance, while Colin chuckled. “Anthony — my brother-in-law — hid everyone’s favorite wedges to jinx their game. Then when he started losing, he made a busboy siphon the gasoline from the other carts.”

“I warned Kate,” she added. “That man loses every one of his virtues when he loses.”

But Penelope knew that was the exact reason why Kate had married Anthony. Kate had spared her and Sophie no details when she talked about how he channeled that competitive energy in the bedroom. 

“Well, I cannot make any promises but I assure you that since they had their first born, Ant has become a lot more mellowed out”, Colin said. “And now, if you’ll excuse me ladies, I have to hurry to my lunch date before the long drive.”

“Oooh, who are we seeing”, Lucy cooed and Penelope could have sworn that she had looked in her direction. But she continued typing phantom letters on her open Google docs document. 

“It is not a date date”, Colin said, “I am seeing Marina before she travels back to Greece. She had a modeling gig here and wanted to see me and catch up.”

With that, he grabbed his jacket and laptop and was gone. 

Penelope kept typing for a while, just to fill the silence. When she looked up, she saw that she had typed the word date over and over again. 

Embarrassed, she quickly deleted the words and looked over her shoulder to check if anyone had seen it. 

Why was it that she had turned back to that teenage girl? How could those same insecurities creep up on her? There was a reason why she had left Colin Bridgerton behind on that fateful day and decided that she had to come first, that she had to love herself first. 

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So when Penelope was standing in front of the office doors, the real question was not how she would handle having to see him again or whether she could endure working in close proximity to him for months. The uncomfortable question was whether she had truly forgiven her past self for having harbored an unrequited crush on Colin Bridgerton for so long, to the point that she had given him the power to almost shatter her into pieces.