Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

KRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! 

The sound of the barrier around Kasen’s home cracking made the vein on her forehead bulge, even as she sat in a meditative pose atop her roof. Who on earth would try to break into her house? Komachi, her most frequent visitor, could disregard the barrier, and that much effort to get in wasn’t exactly her style. Marissa, if she was trying to steal something, would be quicker; besides which, Houso, her pet tiger, seemed more confused than aggressive towards the sound. The two… weren’t on good terms. Which, probably, was for the best, for the sake of Kasen’s hidden library.

A moment of dread came as for a moment she wondered if it was one of the other Devas of the Mountain. But both were busy with their new underlings: Suika had been bragging about having a Zashiki-warashi as an underling; Yuugi had some sort of ghost she’d told Kasen to butt out about.  Besides which, Kasen doubted her barrier would last two seconds against either of them. She was good, but she wasn’t that good.

KRRRRRR!

Another crack, visibly distorting space between the two. Who else? A kishin to punish her? Kasen smirked, feeling an Oni’s sense of excitement, but suppressed it. Not likely, she wasn’t an actual human hermit. Hell wouldn’t bother sending someone to drag her away. That, and they couldn’t even catch a wicked hermit like Seiga.

Who did that leave? Tenshi? No. She also could bypass the barrier.

Kasen paused. Could. Could was a very important keyword. In fact, it was doing too much lifting in that thought. When did Tenshi EVER do anything the easy way?

KRRR-chink-!

Kasen sighed as space shattered, and blue hair and a hat full of peaches waltz in, bringing a blizzard behind it as the celestial twirled her sword around. “Nailed it! Think I’m getting better! Not that it stood a chance, obviously last time was a fluke when I needed that shinigami.” 

Kasen didn’t even bother moving from her meditative stance, trying her hardest to ignore the newcomer, and pretend she hadn’t even noticed. Memories. Memories. Remember everything. No distractions. 

Not that meditating stopped the bratty celestial from talking. “Hey, hermit, that’s a nice seal you got there. It’s nothing compared to a celestial like myself, but I wanted to decide to test how well it would last if I brute forced it. A good five minutes! Good job, hermit.” Kasen was rewarded with a thumbs up.

It was at least half an hour you were hacking at it… Kasen thought, but didn’t say, trying to return to recalling every memory she had ever had. Most of them were becoming more violent in nature, mostly from before she was ‘Kasen’.

“But, lucky for you, you happen to know a celestial who can reinforce it, it will even last longer next time! It might even keep me out, or unwanted burglars!” 

“It was a shifting cipher of five elements, which element had it shifted to when you finally broke it?” Kasen finally responded. 

It caught Tenshi off guard. “Wu xing? Not a modified Qi Men Dun Jia pattern? But… that’s so simple!? I thought after last time…” 

“Shifting Cipher. You literally just jammed two seals together until it broke… Which I didn’t think possible. I do use different magics for different purposes. Don’t worry about fixing it. I needed to change it after Marissa broke in last week anyways. You were right on burglars.” When it comes to brute force, she’s almost like an oni herself. I should just be glad she didn’t drop a keystone on my house.

“But I…” The celestial put her finger to her chin, rethinking the seal, mumbling to herself about what composition it must have been. The annoying thing was she understood it completely, and next time would try to rewrite it. Kasen cleared her throat, snapping the celestial out of it. Tenshi remembered why she’d come in the first place and snapped her fingers. “Oh yeah, did you see what the shrine maiden’s got going on today?”

This time, Kasen was the one to show interest, opening an eye again. “No, I have to admit, I haven’t left my senkai in a while. What trouble has she gotten up to now…?”

“Well, Shion said her and her sister were in charge of advertising an event she’s putting on.” Alarm bells blared as both of Kasen’s eyes shot open, meditation be damned. The three of them… on a business venture together? No amount of luck in all of Gensokyo could save whatever was about to happen. “Word is she got some sort of fortune teller’s crystal recently that’s super powerful. It can answer any question, supposedly. Not that anything you commoners have actually compares to the likes of heaven. Hehe, that wicked hermit apparently was going to throw it out because it cracked,  when that greedy kappa heard about it, and insisted on giving it to the shrine maiden. Shion and her sister caught the Kappa and decided to take over.” 

“Who… what… where-” Why did Kasen taste copper? And why did there suddenly seem to be two Tenshi’s in front of her? Reimu… Shion… Jo’on…. Seiga…  Kasen drooped slightly from the roof, the world spinning.

“I couldn’t get why that wicked hermit would part with something like that, even if it’s busted, not like you earth dwellers have the luxury of items like that. Hey. Hey. Hey, hermit, are you okay?”

---------------------------------

Kasen sat crosslegged, grabbing her throbbing head with one hand, and drinking from her medicine box with her other. The throbbing was subsiding at least Wind blew in an intense blizzard below her as she and Tenshi rode atop her dragon, Koutei. Behind her, Tenshi was holding on for dear life as the tail whipped back and forth. She normally wouldn’t ask her dragon for a favor like this, but- She HAD to see this.

“Hey! Hey! Hermit!” Tenshi yelled. 

Kasen twitched, wanting tell Tenshi to try her name for once, but correcting Tenshi was more fruitless than trying to swim the Sanzu river with two boulders tied to one's waist. She simply nodded. “Yes?” 

“You know that money grubbing Shrine Maiden is going to charge for an event like this, right?” 

Kasen nodded. “I’m aware. She, however, owes me a hundred times over at this point.”

“Hah! And you think that’ll stop her?” 

Kasen blanched. It would not. But, while gloating would definitely be within Tenshi’s personality, noticing something like that would not. Kasen’s eyes narrowed.

“Why do you ask?” 

Tenshi’s gloating died just as quickly. “Well, uh, because, uh, you see, uh, I’m really curious too, but, uh, uh, uh… Forms of earthly currency are beneath me!” 

“... So that’s why being near that poverty goddess doesn’t affect you. You’re that broke?” 

“Hey! I have superb luck! A mere poverty goddess couldn’t possibly affect a celestial like myself. Besides which, that ‘Poverty God’ is Shion! She makes things interesting! Worst luck I could have is everything going perfectly… I’ve had way too much of that in my life.” 

Superb luck. Right. Why you were just as hung over from that celestial party. Or why you were laid out flat a dozen times by the people of Gensokyo when you first showed up. Even Komachi got a shot in from the sounds of it. And you don’t refer to anyone by name, why Shion? Kasen thought, but didn’t say. Instead, she went with. “If you’re going to live in Gensokyo, have you considered working? Like, in the human village? Failing that, Scarlet Devil Mansion literally hires anyone.”

A haughty laugh answered that one. “Pfft. You’re hilarious, hermit! I.am.a.celestial! How many times do I have to remind you peasants?!”

“Right.” 

“Seriously, you’re neglecting your training, hermit. If you want to be bound for heaven, you need to cast aside luxuries. I have my peaches of heaven that keep me fed, my clothes repair themselves, and my body never dirties. What would I work for? You live in a mansion, never stop eating, and keep dressing up make-pretend. You’ll never make it to heaven like that. I don’t need any of those things. I.am.a.celestial. Though, I am getting sick of peaches by now…”

Kasen dropped her medicine box (thankfully remembering to open a portal under it to not lose it), sitting in stunned silence. That delinquent celestial… She's got a point, but still.

Eyeing the shrine, she decided it was probably as good a time as ever to get rid of her load. She might suck up to Tenshi, but… accidents happen. Slapping Koutei, the dragon roared, and flicked its tail, sending the brat flailing and screaming towards the ground, before Kasen leapt off herself.

Below, a massive crowd had gathered in front of the Hakurei shrine. Kasen’s eyes nearly bulged. How had Reimu gotten this many villagers this far away? However, quickly a mess of horns and animal features screamed ‘yokai’. 

“And she wonders why people call it the Yokai Shrine….” 

Kasen landed in a crouch atop the torii gate. A ‘plop’ mushroomed snow next to her as a blue haired celestial crashed into a snow drift. Behind her, her hat gently floated down, and landed gently on her rear. In the sky, Koutei wheeled around, and left, the sudden gust of wind and snow fading as quickly as it had come, the blizzard following the dragon. Kasen scratched her cheek a bit embarrassed as all eyes seemed to briefly turn to her. “A bit… flashy of an entrance.”

All around were familiar faces, from the powerful of Gensokyo, to Cirno and the other fairies. She could see the Yorigami sisters darting around, handing out fliers. Kasen just shook her head. 

“That can’t be good. Absolutely everything they touch ends poorly for everyone involved. And this shrine itself seems to reject turning a profit.” 

Chapter Text

A line was haphazardly forming as the crowd continued to wait, growing more and more impatient. Despite that, it only seemed to fuel people’s curiosity more and more, a dozen questions being revised and discussed. Kasen had to admit, she was wondering if Reimu was actually developing a business sense for this sort of thing to increase hype. Then started to crack up.

Nope, she was definitely just getting waaaay too into it and was fussing over details no one cared about. Probably spent over an hour practicing her best fortune teller voice, then realized she was late, before wanting smoke and realizing she didn’t have any. Then what outfit to wear, even though Kasen knew she had exactly one outfit she’d use. Komachi was right, if you tried to add too much depth to her, Reimu was impossible to figure out, but if you took things simply, she was remarkably consistent.

Around, the discussions began to become more heated. Near the very front of the line, a fight broke out. Thankfully, physical, rather than with danmaku blowing up the shrine. A set of crystalline wings and a burning torch answered who, Cirno and Clownpiece, currently wrestling eachother. Kasen couldn’t hear much, but the word “strongest” kept being thrown. Shaking her head, she listened in, trying to hear.

“Trying to start something? I’ve won way more of our fights!”
“Really, as I recall, we’re near equal, with me taking the lead last night.”
“Only when you cheat! Having your minions ambush me with a freakin’ mini gun is definitely cheating! And they still shot you in the crossfire! Draw at best!”

Kasen rubbed her temple with her bandaged prosthetic hand, before realizing that wasn’t the fairies talking. She turned to see the two immortals in an almost exact same wrestling position to the two fairies, frame for frame: Kaguya and Mokou. In fact, Cirno and Mokou had a similar right hook just about. Who was stronger, and who would win in a fight were two very different questions. Kasen paused mid temple rub as Mokou’s last sentence sunk in. Wait, how did Kaguya have access to a mini gun?! *

Part of her wanted to break it up, but she was just an observer today. If she threw too much of a fuss, Reimu would say she was being naggy, and throw her out instead. Then again, since Avici, she seemed much less inclined to nag. Mostly she reserved it for Reimu and Komachi these days. Kasen smiled, she was honestly proud of both of them… Most of the time.

Deciding she didn’t want to be involved in EITHER fight before they devolved, she walked around to see who else had come. Smallest surprise was the Scarlet Devil Mansion crew; they practically spent as much time at the Hakurei shrine as they did their own mansion. She did not want to get caught up in whatever scheme Remilia had cooked up. Most of the time, whenever Remilia had an idea, she had an effect of pulling everyone into it before they could even realize it was a bad idea, or how they got sucked up into it. However, seeing Kosuzu and Mamizou with them was a surprise. Kosuzu was debating something with an annoyed looking Patchouli, her devil assistant helping her from behind. Kasen never could remember her familiar’s name**. Mamizou simply shot Kasen a smile, nodding that she’d seen her.

Kasen kept walking, and ran into someone even WORSE at scheming and pulling people into it than Remilia, the Moriya Shrine residents. They seemed to be entertaining some people Kasen wasn’t familiar with, a tube fox yokai, and some goddess she didn’t recognize in a rainbow dress sharing a laugh with Kanako***. “I don’t know them, did they recruit a new goddess or something? How many gods does one shrine need? Maybe Tenshi’s right. Maybe I have spent too much time in my mansion lately.”

Still scanning, she saw from the underground crew Rin, and Okuu. Their master, Satori, not being with them wasn’t too much of a surprise. In a crowd this size she’d probably have a stroke. For a moment, Kasen was a bit disappointed to not see Yuugi. She was always good company, but that would NOT have ended well. Yuugi was too good a person and could coax out the much older cruder side of the fake hermit. It might be fun to party with her, but it would not be good for her image with what seemed like half of Gensokyo here. Still with her ghost lackey or something. She continued, before a sudden urgent thought stopped her.

“Wait, if Okuu’s here. Who’s tending to the reactor!?” ****

Kasen gulped, slowly sliding up closer, her nosy side getting the better of her. However, before she could actually ask, someone else bumped into her, a hand slapping her on the back, and several rings on said hand telling her exactly who it was: The Pestilence God, Jo’on Yorigami.

“Hey, welcome to the Fortune Fair. Fork over the dough, and I’ll hand out tickets so you can get in. Here’s a flyer. I know not all Yokai can read, so Reimu’s got 5 rules, do you need me to tell you them? No, the flyers aren’t edible.” Jo’on rattled off, as if having given the same spiel fifty times already. She probably had.

Kasen turned to Jo’on, the strangest look of horror and confusion on her face. “Wait, Tenshi wasn’t lying, you and your sister are actually helping run this?! How? Why? Actually, how? Would have thought that opportunistic kappa, Nitori, would be all over this. Also, who’s been eating the fliers for you to have to add that to your intro?”

“Oh. It’s you. The hermit.” Jo’on looked disappointed as Kasen turned (though, she’d have thought her silhouette a little more noticeable). But, at the question, Jo’on laughed, flipping open a fan to hide a near crazed smile. “You could say we were more… motivated this time than the kappa.”

=========================
-Meanwhile, in a run down house at the bottom of Yokai Mountain-

A strange banging came from the closet door, echoing throughout the dilapidated house. On the nearby bed, covered in what looked like coffee stains, several empty rolls of duct tape lay, along with scissors. A backpack full of broken gizmo’s lay next to them, as well as a green cap.

“MMMM! MMMM! MMMMM!!!!”

The closet continued to bang noisily in the broken house, sounds carrying through the holes in the roof, but the house was too remote for it to be an issue. The door to the closet was already barely on it's hinges, but remarkably kept standing with each kick from the inside. It seemed rotten luck that it had not fallen apart already.

In the room, a corkboard with schemes covered one half of the room, and on the other side, several springs of the mattress were bare, and a single cracked picture of Tenshi hung next to the bed.

=========================

Jo’on continued her fake smile. “Now, if you’d read the flyer, it should answer any questions, as well as pricing. Got the cash for a ticket? All I really care abo- Hey, you I told you to stop eating my flyers!!!”

Jo’on tugged at her satchel of flyers, fishing up a small blonde yokai with a red ribbon, hanging on by her teeth. She flopped around like a fish on a line, but refused to let go. Kasen had to give Rumia’s bite strength props, because the blood certainly wasn’t making it much higher in her head. Jo’on swung the satchel in a circle above her head, Rumia spinning with it.

Ignoring the spectacle, she opened the flyer, surprised at how detailed the artwork was on it. How much had Reimu spent on this? Actually, that was one question Kasen didn’t want answered. The most important part seemed to be the available questions:

==============

1) No, I'm not solving anything mechanical or complex magic with this, you have to ask about people. (This means you, Patchouli and Nitori, explaining it's a headache.)
2) Don't use the questions to ask who belongs to what group, like who’s the fourth Deva of the Mountain. You’re just going to use it to make another incident, I’m not cleaning that up.
3) I can refuse to answer anything. Don't ask anything about me!
4) Don't ask specific details about people. I don’t want the extra work.
5) Payment before question!

==============

A vein on Kasen’s forehead bulged at #2, mentioning Reimu knew three of the four Devas. Kasen being one was SUPPOSED to be secret. All it would take was one drunk night it seemed like. At least she hadn’t outright said it… But Kasen would have to keep a close eye on her the entire time. And give her the mother of all lectures afterwards.

Still, she seemed confident in this fortune telling orb from Seiga if those were the only stipulations. That… or Reimu hadn’t actually tested it. ***

Behind her, a ‘pop’ sounded as Rumia unlatched, the darkness Yokai sent sailing into the distance. She flailed her hands to the side in a T pose. Briefly, Kasen wondered if she remembered she could fly. A ‘thud’ in the distance answered that question.

“So, haaah… haaah… got the cash, old hermit, or no?” Jo’on panted as she restocked her satchel with the scattered debris.

Kasen sighed, reaching into her bag, only to find said bag missing. “Huh?” She discretely reached her hand behind her, reaching into a hidden portal, only to find it just as barren. Had she forgotten to bring any with her?

Jo’on folded her arms. “No cash, no entry! None of this ‘Reimu owes me one’ crap. Marissa tried that already.”

Kasen blinked for a moment, wondering how the conversation had gone after Jo'on eating a Master Spark to the face, but scrambled back to looking for enough change to cover the cost. However, before she got too far, a voice spoke up.

“I’ll cover her.” Reisen raised a hand helpfully. Her other hand was busy holding her fellow rabbit, Tewi, by the scruff of her dress. Despite the situation, Tewi wore an absolute shit-eating grin. Kasen did not want to ask. Jo’on practically swiped the money, before handing out a ticket and disappearing so fast she would give Koishi a run for her money.

“Thanks, Reisen, I’ll pay you back.”

“Uh, actually, about that, I was hoping you could do me a favor instead. Master told me to keep an eye on Tewi here, but I’m supposed to actually be selling medicine in the village right now at the same time. If I chase after her, I get yelled at. If I stay at the medicine stand, and she causes mischief, I get yelled at. And she hasn’t stopped smiling since this morning, I’m, uh, kind of freaking out. If you’re going in, could you watch her? I’d feel much better if she was under the eye of a hermit. I’ll throw in enough for a free question too.” Reisen explained.

Tewi piped up. “Hehe, like the hermit has time to watch boring bunnies, she has her own-hey, let me down, I’m not a pet! Besides, do I look like the type to trick people? I just wanted to see the show, like everyone else! Some people might need a little bit of luck with their fortunes if they’re going to make good use of them! You could say I’m a model rabbit of fortune, helping out the less fortunate.”

Kasen traded with Reisen, picking up Tewi by the scruff of her dress in the exact same way. “I got it covered, Reisen, good luck. ” She attached one of her bandages from her prosthetic mist hand like a leash, before setting The Bare Rabbit of Fine Words and Flattery down. Tewi crossed her arms like she was upset, but the smile on her face made even Kasen nervous. Tewi was one of the few people in Gensokyo even she could not manage and generally avoided. Still, she owed Reisen, so she'd try at least, to keep one eye on Reimu, the other on Tewi.

What on earth did she have planned?!
*****

Chapter Text

"Listen up everyone! The Fortune Fair is now open! Yours truly will be handling admission, see the Pestilence God if you need a ticket! Our lovely Shion will be assisting us in security!”

Kasen was surprised to see Tenshi standing on top of a crate with a (broken) megaphone… though with the delinquent celestial’s sheer vocal cords, it didn’t seem to be a problem. At ‘Pestilence God’, Jo’on flinched, before being mobbed by the yokai yet to get tickets.

As Kasen presented her ticket, Tenshi put her hands on her hip, clearly upset.

“No thanks to you, I’m having to help out here to get inside. Some rich hermit you are, I went to you precisely because you’re so terrible at it and live in the lap of luxury! I I practically had to beg Shion's sister for a job. A JOB!” Tenshi shrieked.

Kasen scratched her cheek, not meeting Tenshi’s eyes. “Uh… why don’t you think of it as getting to spend quality time with Shion? Reisen had to help me out, I forgot to bring any money.” Where IS my cash on hand…? “I’m in charge of Tewi here in the meanwhile.”

Tewi just raised an eyebrow. “Still find it funny how anyone thinks they’re in charge of me. But I’m sure a fine hermit like yourself will keep me out of any trouble!” The hair on the back of Kasen’s neck stood on edge.

Rubbing her head with a sudden spiking headache, Kasen discretely summoned her medicine box, before suddenly having it snatched away from behind.

“No weapons or magical equipment inside. It’s what my sister said. This sake box looks exceptional…. I wish I had one like it. But it’s obviously magical.” The poverty goddess, Shion, herself floated in the air behind Kasen like a specter, inspecting the medicine box, before putting in a crate titled ‘confiscated’. Kasen flinched at the touch. It was one thing if Shion was dirty (she definitely lived up to the ‘poverty’ part of her title), but her misfortune was so pungent Kasen could see purple hexes floating off her box where her fingerprints had been.

For a moment, Shion’s and Tewi’s eyes met and stared at each other. Sparks of gold and purple clashed in the air between them. Both jumped. Curiously, Tewi poked at Shion, another shower of sparks raining, and the rabbit giggled. Shion gulped, but began to pat down the rabbit, not finding anything, but each time, the spray of sparks scattered, and none of Shion’s hexes or fingerprints stayed. At the same time, faint golden light from Tewi seemed to shatter with each touch. Their respective powers were clashing, Kasen realized, good fortune clashing with bad fortune.

Tewi shrugged, then disappeared the moment Kasen broke eye contact. It looked very similar to the hermit art she often used to escape. However, she wasn't too bothered, as she could feel her bandaged prosthetic unraveling. Tewi was ‘accounted’ for.

“Shion!” Tenshi broke Kasen’s thoughts, leaping off her makeshift box to glomp the goddess of misfortune. Kasen shuddered as Tenshi literally glowed purple with curses, while Shion purred like a cat. An old saying of Suika’s came to mind as she watched Tenshi: “If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough.”

Behind them, an annoyed patron cleared their throat. “There’s a line, and I came here for a show. Not a girl on girl show either. I get enough of that back at the mansion even when I ask them to stop.”

Remilia Scarlet, and the Scarlet Devil Mansion’s crew. Shion pouted, but pushed Tenshi off. Tenshi just put a finger to her lips. “Girl on girl show?”

Sakuya stepped forward with a neutral expression, and held her arms out straight to be searched as Mei Ling turned in their tickets. At first, a few knives easily came off the maid, but Shion began to become nervous as she discovered more, and more.

-kaching, kaching, kaching -

The pile was growing at an alarming rate, with Shion practically finding them in every fold of clothing. A few folded in the seams themselves. After yet another hidden knife from a patdown, Shion made a strange gasp, before calling Tenshi over, both tugging at a hidden belt, before more knives went flying. Sakuya, for her part, was trying her best to hold back a smile as the knife pile was officially larger than some fairies in line. Even Remilia was cracking up despite her normal impatience. Everywhere came with more and more knives. Kasen’s eyes bulged.

How do you even fit a knife there!?

Eventually, Tenshi gave up taking others’ tickets. Patchouli scowled and handed Remilia money. Shion struggling to even think where more weapons could be, finding some in the maid’s braids alone. Meanwhile, Meiling had nothing magical but had fallen asleep in line and needed to be woken up; the little devil only had her master’s medicines which Tenshi reluctantly let through; Patchouli had a magic book she teleported away before a coughing fit took over. Remilia held her hands open, daring Shion to touch her. Shion, wisely in Kasen’s opinion, declined.

The last Kasen person saw before entering was the rainbow goddess the Moriya crew had entertained staring absolute daggers at Shion at the entrance.

“Huh, she has a lot of natural enemies, and not just from her luck. Sure, she’s my opposite, but no problem there, but, changing ownership against losing everything, deeefinitely not compatible. Saw Hina faint when Shion patted her down. Think she got overloaded.” Tewi had reappeared seemingly out of nowhere, amused as she thoughtfully put a finger to her lip. “Almost wish we could trade powers for a day.”

Kasen raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think anyone wants to be Shion. Especially Shion. I feel bad for her and her sister.” But distinctly not bad enough to take them in after the incident they caused… Especially after they robbed me after splitting up with Reimu. “Why would you WANT her powers anyways?”

“Kinda hard to tell someone you hate them, and then they win the lottery after stepping over your crumbled body. When Reimu and that gap sage came to Eientei, I got a preeeeetty lucky shot off on her, think I gave Reimu a concussion with that kick.” Tewi’s smile turned genuine as her teeth flashed. “The problem is, no amount of luck in the world is going to help against Yukari Yakumo. Afterwards, Reimu guessed where the princess was, because of the good luck my ‘love tap’ gave her!

The one time Kaguya asked me to help directly! It was embarrassing. I bet if that had happened with that Shion person, they’d have run out of time.

Eh, still, probably for the better, she seems like a pretty good girl. I’m not. I’d draw waaaay too much attention with a power like that. But can you imagine the pranks…?” Tewi’s smile never faded.

Shion? Good girl? Right… Unlucky? Sure. Good? Not really. Jo’on seemed to have learned more from her training than Shion did. Thank you, Tewi, for giving me THAT nightmare of you with unlucky abilities. Stopping any yokai who can cause body swapping or power swapping is now top priority for the survival of Gensokyo…

Kasen thought for a moment who the worst people to switch powers with were, and each and every one of them made her shudder. The worst was fairly simple with Aya, the reporter, with Miko’s power to hear multiple conversations. Or Futo with Mokou’s pyromancy. Then, Kasen remembered Seija actually existed with her reversal ability, and that could affect Tewi, and a cold shiver ran down her body.

What was worse was the way Tewi was studying her face, and the rabbit like curled lip returned. Kasen’d given that info away to the mischievous little rabbit! The way she laughed into her palm showed she didn’t care either!

She just wanted to watch my reaction! She doesn’t give anything away for free! She’s worse than the kappa!

======================

Inside the circus-like tent, a fog machine blew a cold mist into the air as a witchy cackle echoed inside, the silhouette of Reimu in her one fortune teller’s costume becoming apparent. A large purple orb with a crack running through it sat on the table, with Reimu’s hands tracing along the outside of it. “Hehehehe!”

However, Marisa's pointing at Reimu and yelling, "TURN OFF THAT FOG MACHINE!", ruined the atmosphere. “It’s already cold enough already! I’m freezing my ass off in here!”

Reimu’s persona cracked as she froze for a moment, before the ‘fog machine’ let out a voice. “Okay…” A bare foot burst out from inside, the fog machine turning out to be a cardboard box with slits in it. The fog dissipated as Cirno walked out, and over to the stands, and sat next to a nervous looking green haired fairy. On her other side was Clownpiece, the lunar fairy of madness, who was sulking and torchless.

Reimu clenched her teeth. “Hey! That cardboard box was storing some of my stuff! Don’t just go ripping it apart!!! And you, don’t ruin my performance!” She yelled back at Marisa.

“Your performance was already bad! If anything, I’m improving it!”

Both were already at each other's throats, just about literally, before the show had even begun.

Kasen shrugged as Tewi ran off again. On one hand, Kasen had leashed Tewi to keep track of her. On the other hand, she had forgotten it was TEWI. She was quickly reminded of that as her bandages were yanked, and she tumbled face first into the ground.

“Starting to hate that rabbit…”

She started to follow her bandages towards the stands… only to find them leading underneath, and twisted and wrapped a thousand ways to the frame underneath. Kasen ground her teeth. It would take her hours to untangle that… And she wasn’t as small as Tewi. Some of the ‘routes’ she had taken under the stands were impossible to follow.

Tewi’s earlier taunt rattled in her head. “Still find it funny how anyone thinks they’re in charge of me.” The hell Reisen must deal with trying to control Tewi…

In the end, Kasen just cut off the other end of the bandages, leaving herself with just one arm, and started to scan the crowds for her charge.

The first thing she noticed was a physical brawl between Marisa and Reimu… with the Yorigami sisters actually trying to break it up. That was the other part Kasen couldn’t figure out, and it was making her nervous. They were seeming to be legitimately trying to help run the show. But they were the greediest pair in all of Gensokyo,. There had to be a scheme. Neither were particularly bright, so, why couldn’t she figure out their angle?

In the end, a brilliant beam of light smashed into Marisa, sending her back into the stands, though it accidentally collided with Shion, who also went flying. The pulses of energy rocked the small tent. A few of the yokai clapped, thinking it was part of the show. Sitting in the front of the stands a green haired yokai sat with a large berth between her and everyone else: The feared “Flower Master of the Four Seasons”, Yuuka Kazami, who had a pleasant smile. Sweat dripped down Reimu's head, and she sat back down in her seat.

“Welcome to the, uh, Fortune Fair? I’ll be your fortune teller today, this wondrous orb here can answer any question! But, I’m making 5 rules. Just restating for those of you who can’t read! ” She gave a shot towards a clueless Cirno.

Her friend quietly spoke up. “S-she can actually… She just has, uh-”

“That sexy disease!”

“Dyslexia…”

Reimu looked more confused than anything, and just continued. “Uh, right. So:

1) I'm not solving anything mechanical or complex magic with this, you have to ask about people. This means you, Patchouli and Nitori, explaining it's a headache for me to use all those nerd people words.”

As Reimu recited her joke, she looked around, finding Patchouli rolling her eyes, and Nitori mysteriously missing. She coughed, and continued.

“2) Don't use the questions to ask who belongs to what group, like who’s the fourth Deva of the Mountain. You’re just going to use it to make another incident. I’m not cleaning that up.”

Smoking a pipe, Mamizou called out, “Who’s the third?”

Kasen shot Reimu a hateful look. Reimu looked embarrassed for a moment, then realized Kasen was there for the first time, her expression clearly going through annoyance, then a slight smile of relief, back to embarrassment.

“Right. Uh, 3) I can refuse to answer anything. Don't ask anything about me!”

Marisa yelled out “Who would want to?” which got a few laughs, and an annoyed look from her best friend. A quick hum from Yuuka, however, shut the magician up.

“4) Don't ask specific details about other people. I don’t want the extra work. Half the beast matriarch’s probably want to know the most embarrassing stories about the others.”

“Shit, that would have been a good idea…” Yuuma sat hunched over near the back of the stands, a default scowl on the goat’s face, reaching for missing giant spork that Shion had confiscated, then feeling annoyed she couldn’t find that either. Next to her, Mokou offered her a cigarette instead. Yuuma ate it.

“And finally, 5) Payment before question!”

At the last one, she pulled out, with the strength like an Oni, her donation box, and slammed it down in front of the little table in the middle of the tent.

“Alright, let’s start! Ticket #43, ask your question!”

Yuuka raised a hand, and answered in a sing songy voice. “♪I’ll pass. Keep going♪.”

Reimu seemed taken aback, but continued. “Uh…. #342?”

The green haired fairy next to Cirno gulped, before standing up, and walking forward to put a donation in the box. Behind her Cirno cheered, pumping her fist. “Yeah, Daiyousei first!”

So that’s her name! Why can’t I ever remember it…?

The nervous little fairy came in front of Reimu, nearly cowering before the feared Yokai exterminator, and politely dropped a few coins in the box. Each one seemed to make Reimu drool. “U-uh, I have an argument to win. Who’s the dumbest yokai in all of Gensokyo.”

Cirno looked backstabbed, and she pouted, her cheeks puffing out. “Not me.”

Reimu seemed excited. “That’s a great first question! Thanks, uh, whoever you are.” Daiyousei deflated.

A palpitation pulsed in the tent as suddenly everyone went quiet. From the feared and old yokai, to the rowdy and young ones, every sat on the edge of their seat to see just what this fortune telling orb Reimu had did, and if it even worked. Kasen stopped her search for Tewi to watch herself.

Reimu herself gulped, clearly having never tested it beforehand.

As she began to rub her hands over it, pouring power into it, the orb started to glow, clouds misting in the center as a blue light began to enkindle inside.

“Who’s the dumbest yokai in Gensokyo!?” Reimu yelled dramatically, before a thunderous “BOOM” echoed. The light shot straight up, characters written on the roof of the tent, and the blue light solidified into a 3d image floating in the air, slowly taking shape. Kasen just barely could make out the name on the roof: “The Subterranean Sun, Utsuho Reiuji”

The light formed into the image of the hell raven, Okuu, looking up at the stands, nudging Rin, the hell cat, her friend and coworker. Kasen could hear the real Okuu next to her ask: “Unyu? That looks kinda like me. What was the question?”

Additional images behind the blue light shifted, and began to play out scenes, such as: Okuu walking through a ‘pull’ door; popping an entire raw egg into her mouth, and eating it, shell and all; walking through a wall; playing ‘baseball’ with her nuclear blasts *1; staring at an eclipse; walking through a vault of pure steel; popping a silly putty egg into her mouth, and eating it; Kanako beating her head against one of her own pillars as Okuu sat with a tilted head; and Nitori pointing a Geiger Counter at her before the machine exploded.

A general awe came across the crowd, with Aya yelling out “It does work!” Excitement swelled up with cheers and fist bumps.

“Who’s the smartest yokai!?” Came excitedly from Wriggle, the insect Yokai.

“PAYMENT BEFORE QUESTION!!!” A fierce yell from Reimu shook the entire tent with a chilling killing intent, disbanding the cheers, before a smile reappeared on the shrine maiden’s face.

Wriggle shuddered as she walked forward, and dropped payment. A then confused “Wait, did I just waste my question?” came but, she shuddered just as creeped out by the smile on Reimu’s face at the chinking coin, and skittered back to her seat.

“Who’s the smartest Yokai!?” Reimu ran her hands across the orb once more, as chatter began to build up. Kasen briefly wondered if she’d be in the running, a rather arrogant smile climbing up her face. She did cross wits with Yukari, and Yukari made a lot of dumb mistakes sometimes. Kasen chuckled at hearing about her being possessed at one point. Then concern crossed Kasen’s face. “Have I been hanging around Tenshi too much?!”

Tenshi, had hands on her hips, with no doubt in her mind in the background.

Marisa groaned. “Probably Patchouli….” She had a good point.

Other guesses included Kiene from Mokou; Cirno, from Cirno; Ran from Yuuma, surprising Kasen; Kanako from Sanae, not surprising Kasen; and Seiga from a few fellow hermits who did not seem at all happy with their guess.

The light began to ding again, and lit up the room, Kasen finding herself anticipating the answer.

Across the roof, again, a name wrote:

“The Subterranean Sun, Utsuho Reiuji”

A collective “HUH!?” came from the entire audience, the first time Kasen had ever seen such a consensus since the Seija incident.

Okuu folded her arms, the light core of Yatagarasu on her chest starting to fire up as heat radiated from that side of the room. “Alright, is that thing picking on me?! I said the silly putty thing was an accident!” Rin, helpfully, tried pointing out it was a GOOD thing she’d been chosen this time, and the radiation levels slowly died down.

In the air, images of Okuu building the nuclear reactor in a time lapse, by herself, and setting up several science projects underground. A lab full of beakers, safety goggles, and reports ran through. One project showed her charging up a massive blast with her cannon, forming a circular tunnel. She then nervously pulled the rod off her arm, looking behind her, and all around, before putting both hands forward, and making an even bigger blast of energy *2. Over time, skipped over by the images, she began to make some sort of circular machine across her tunnels, before firing it off, light flashing as it looped faster and faster across several miles and Okuu writing down the results. For once, Kasen didn’t know what it was. But Kanako did, her jaw just about on the ground, while Sanae hurriedly attended to her.

Kanako stood up. “H-how long have you had a PARTICLE ACCELERATOR!?”

Okuu cocked her head. “Unyu? I don’t know what that is. I just wanted to see what happened when two different atoms collided at high speeds, but couldn’t find enough space, so I made a long tube thingy to run them together across the underground, so I could make things go faster and faster. Then I forgot where I put it, and I think one of Yuugi’s parties caused it to be buried in a cave in. But it was just a for fun thing, so I didn’t mind so much.”

A ‘thud’ echoed as Kanako hit the floor clutching her chest and convulsing. Kasen made a half step forward, worried, and wondered if a god could have a heart attack. Others seemed to have the same concern, but the sound of a pocket watch was the first to actually respond. A ‘click’ sounded, and a moment later, Reisen found herself in the tent, looking very confused, with Sakuya bowing next to her.

Okuu cocked her head. “Did I say something wrong?”

“Welcome to Gensokyo… where you can leave common sense at the door.” Kasen mused. From the corner of her eye, she saw Suwako looking unconcerned, so it probably meant Kanako would be alright? Then again, Suwako rarely looked concerned about anything.

“Uh, right, we’ll be taking a quick break for, uh, a medical emergency.” Reimu announced as Reisen opened a medical kit and started taking Kanako’s vitals, still completely lost as to what was going on.

“Already? We just started. This is taking forever.” Yuuma had her natural amount of sympathy, but, despite her complaining, her scowl had taken to a smirk. A few other yokai showed similar expressions. Yuuka's eyes were now open, her smile appearing more sincere. Letty, the Yukionna, and Nue, the Nue, and Mamizou all appeared just as amused. Floating in the air, she could even see a faint smile from the normally apathetic oarfish Yokai, Iku. Youmu looked horrified, but next to her, her master, Yuyuko, seemed more together than normal for a moment as her eyes sparkled.

And, scanning, Kasen finally found Tewi, with the biggest grin of anyone, blowing off three fairies she’d been talking to to watch.*3

Chapter Text

With the break, Kasen had enough time to sneak on Tewi, both a literal sneaking around, and a hidden passageway that she may or may not have picked up from Okina. “A-hem.” She cleared her throat behind the rabbit, and curled her hand into a fist hard enough to crack her knuckles, and release a shock waves. Veins popped all up her arm, and across her forehead. Several on looker’s stared at the normally patient hermit looking like she was about to kill someone. And then they saw Tewi, and Kasen with one arm, and all was explained. Daiyousei, the fairy, even gave a quiet golf clap to Tewi for the apparent success.

Tewi only smiled, and didn’t even turn around. “Aw, I was wondering where my chaperone had gotten too. Something tie you up? It’s not going to look good on you if the master of the animals lets a rabbit yokai run loose! Tsk, tsk, aren’t you supposed to guide people and the animals?”

The steel under Kasen’s foot began to sink under the force of her foot. As she clenched her teeth, it was grinding loud enough to shake the room. She LOOKED like a one armed Oni. Which… was completely correct, but a total of 2 people in the room knew that fact. Tenshi, who had drawn her not confiscated blade and looked legitimately nervous, and Reimu, who gave an ‘are you okay’ look.

Tewi didn’t budge, despite the overwhelming aura.

A moment later, the rage quelled, Kasen composing herself through sheer force of will. Instead, she sat next to the rabbit as she tried a different approach. “Tewi, would you sit next to me for the show?”

Tewi’s face, unchanged in the rage, winced at the sudden calmness. “Huuuuuh? You don’t just act the hermit, do you? You ARE smarter than Reisen. Not as smart as Eirin, but, eh, sure, why not? I’m not behaving though.” She shrugged, and offered a dango she’d had next to her.

Kasen rubbed her head, before reaching out for the dango, then hesitating. She held up a hand to decline, and Tewi raised an eyebrow but nodded, before swapping the dango with the person in front of her. It turned out to be Aya, who immediately gagged, flailing her arms forward, before ending up with her arm over her stomach as she hunched forward, and dry heaved. Cheeks puffing, she shot out of the stands at impressive speeds.

Below, Okuu helped Reisen lift Kanako back to the stands, who refused to leave. In the end, Kanako HAD answered the question if it was possible for a god to have a heart attack, all without a single donation. Sanae continued to attend to her, a small miracle probably involved, and, Suwako shrugged at the onlookers, and just said “She’s got enough faith, she’s good.” Despite that, Suwako did tug at Kanako’s dress, pointing at the exit, only for Kanako to shake her head, and grit her teeth as she tried to sit calmly, obviously sweating still.

Reisen bowed politely as Sakuya appeared next to her. A clock tick later, and Reisen, and Sakuya were both gone.

It gave Kasen time as well, to pull out bandages, and begin reshaping her arm (and confirming that her portals were, in fact, working. Which made her worry more about where her cash had gone.) Tewi watched with an odd sort of interest as she pulled out a juice box. Ringo with a food cart below answered where all the food was coming from.

“What?” Kasen asked as Tewi stared.

The sipping paused. “How do you do that?”

“Huh? It’s not easy with one arm. Thanks by the way.” Kasen glared.

Tewi shrugged. “Not that, I mean, that black mist. There’s no hermit art I know of that does that.” Tewi pointed to an almost invisible outline of an arm that was having trouble staying in shape without bandages.

Kasen blinked. “What… hermit arts do you know?”

“Eh, a few I’ve picked up. Great for pranking people! But it doesn’t look like one to me. Controlling a spirit.”

“Uh… I’d rather not answer that. Controlling spirits and bodies is pretty taboo even if it was that.”

“Tell that to the necrophiliac hermit.”

Kasen nearly choked coughing. Seiga… Recomposing herself, she crossed her legs. “I’ll answer if you answer who taught you about the hermit arts.”

The only sound Tewi made in response was the noisy sucking of the bottom of the juice carton.

Kasen was glad she dropped it. She really didn’t like the answer. It was a pretty close guess on there being a spirit in the black mist she controlled. But… it wasn’t a hermit art, it was Kasen’s own ability. Seiga’s control of the dead was downright cute compared to Kasen when serious, but Kasen was trying to be a good person.

Below, Reimu restarted. “Alright folks, apologies for the delay! Without further ado, #... you know what, screw it, Sanae, seeing as I’m a generous shrine maiden, helping out another shrine, who’s god seems to be having a crisis, I’ll go ahead and give you the next question…”

The taunts made Sanae reflexively reach for her purification rod. However, she found nothing as her weapon was also confiscated. Reimu seemed incredibly smug, but Sanae huffed, and approached anyway.

“Alright, then, I guess I could donate to a less fortunate shrine so lacking in believers and funds.” Reimu gritted her teeth, but the dropping of coin stopped any snide comebacks. Comebacks from Reimu at least. Marisa was yelling “Kiss!” from the stands at the two.

Sanae continued. “There’s some things about the outside world I’m dying to know. Are there any good games released for the Wii this year? I keep asking Sumeriko, but she just starts cracking up and never answers.”

Reimu blinked. “What’s a Wii…?” Most of the stands seemed to agree. Kasen whistled innocently at that knowledge, knowing how that question was going to end.

Reimu shrugged, and placed her hands on the orb, power pouring into it. Blue light began to enkindle inside, clouds fogging up as it filled the room. But, the light sputtered out of the crack in the orb, and suddenly it went dark.

Sanae crossed her arms, but a sneer was forming on her face.

“U-uh… I, uh…” Reimu stuttered. The crowd began to boo, and jeer. Suddenly, smoke exploded on the stage. Voices echoed from it. Kasen almost immediately noticed Mamizou conspicuously missing from her seat.

As the smoke cleared, Reimu seemed more confident. “Alright, I have the answer.” She began to rub the orb once more. It lit up, but no lightshow above began. Kasen swore she could see a small set of ears and tail from the otherwise spherical orb.

Reimu put her head back. “The wii… is… obsolete. Nin…ninten… Nintendo? Am I saying that right? Like the card company? I think I have one of their old decks from Rinnosuke’s shop- Anyways, Nintendo has released two more gaming consoles since then. Only old people play it nowadays. Ha, guess that makes you old.”

Sanae hadn’t caught on to the trick, and her eyes lit up. “Two more consoles? What are they called? What are they like? Do they still make Smash Bros? Is Fox still top tier?”

Before Reimu could fake another answer, a small woman in a frog hat grabbed Sanae by the sleeves, and tugged her away. “Come on, Sanae. Earthliness is supposed to be my thing. Say goodbye to Reimu. I think Kanako needs to go home.”

Kanako cross her arms. “I do not ‘need to go home’. I need to see how this potentially plays- hey, let me go! Not fair!”

Suwako waved her hand, summoning a giant hand of stone, grabbing Kanako by the scruff of her neck to drag her off as well. Complaining came from both sides of the goddess, the googly eyes on her hat lazily drooping side to side with each step.

Reimu just rubbed the back of her neck, before whistling innocently, and in a failed sleight of hand, chucked the fake orb to the side of the stands (It audibly said ‘ow’), and pulling out real one from her sleeve, whistling as if nothing had happened.

“Feels weird to not have the Moriya shrine involved in an incident. And it looks like the orb only has knowledge about Gensokyo. Reimu’s lucky Mamizou covered her on outside world knowledge.” Kasen mused.

“Oooh, so you caught on that this is an incident? Cool!” Tewi responded happily, throwing the juice box away, a ‘what?’ coming from behind the stands where Reimu had chucked the orb.

“Number #12!” Reimu called.

“Pass. I don’t have anything. Oh, I do hope they don’t run out of snacks…” Yuyuko, the ghost princess, called out as she had an armful of food, and a thrilled rabbit below, Seiran flashing her competitor Ringo a victory sign.

Ringo grumbled, before suddenly her cart shifted, and she found a grumpy goat on it. “Give me what you have.” Yuuma barked. Ringo looked like she might pass out.

“Yuuma, you got any questions for the fortune fair?” Reimu asked.

“Huh? No.” Yuuma began to grab various foodstuffs (and a few not foodstuffs), still perched on the food cart, shoveling it in her bottomless pit of a mouth.

“Uh… alright, keep… doing whatever it is you’re doing. Hell if I care about the food carts.”

“Why did so many people come without any questions? None of the old yokai are bothering to ask anything.” A voice floated down from behind Kasen and Tewi, blue flashing as Kogasa, the abandoned umbrella yokai floated down. She seemed to have an exception for the confiscation, as the umbrella WAS part of her.

Kasen shrugged as she pulled on bandages with her teeth. “Just how they are. They do as they like. Always have.”

Tewi shook her head. “Aw, you haven’t figured it out, wise hermit? Do you have a question?”

Kasen paused for a moment, feeling a sense of being trapped regardless of whether or not she answered. “I just heard Reimu was running a business venture, and couldn’t wait to see how she screwed it up.” Call it comeuppance for when she tried making a fake oni arm.

Tewi then nodded to Kogasa. “And are you hungry?”

Kogasa rubbed her stomach with a confused expression. “... no?”

“There’s your answer! ”

Kogasa cocked her head more confused. Kasen, however, instantly understood it, gritting her teeth. Tewi was a better surgeon with words than Eirin was with medicine… “Tewi’s trying to say that Yokai feed on fear. Reimu trying a business venture with the Yorigami sister has everyone terrified, but Yokai like you, are drawn to that. The older Yokai have a morbid curiosity on how this plays out, but don’t really care about the fair, or any of its questions. They’re dispassionate at the best of times. But, there’s one question everyone has. How will this go wrong? Isn’t that right, Tewi?”

The rabbit whistled. “Who knows? I’m just here for a few harmless pranks. Oooh, speaking of which, think my fourth one is coming up.”

FOURTH?! Kasen screamed internally, she could only account for her missing arm, what were the other two she’d missed!? What was Tewi about to do?!

Reimu finished below a question on her fastest speed run on an incident, involving a tank that had ended up in Gensokyo and the Evil Spirit, Mima. Kasen didn’t recall such an incident, but it couldn’t have been that important, or she was searching for her arm in the real world during it.

So, the rule is ‘don’t ask about me... unless it makes me look good’. Kasen had a feeling Reimu would break her own rules a lot. Or rather, just forget them.

“#6.”

Kogasa smiled, and posed with her umbrella. “Well, I don’t know about older Yokai, but I have my own question to ask!”

She leapt, and floated down the stands in front of the stands. It almost looked graceful until she landed on the corner of the donation box in a crash. The sound of it full of coins as it flipped was an unnatural one.

Reimu glared at her.

Kogasa sheepishly tried her best to look cute with her tongue out and rubbing a knuckle against her forehead in a ‘ditz’ pose, before getting up. She opened her mouth to speak, but something sounded wrong.

“Reimu, what do you eat if you're always broke?”

Kogasa looked horrified at her own question covering her mouth with her hands. She loosed them, for another question.

“Do you have some sort of secret garden where you plant fruits and stuff? Or do you go dumpster diving in the human village for food?”

Kogasa squealed, and covered her mouth again, near crying, but the questions kept coming, even with her mouth covered. The vein on Reimu’s forehead was bulging as she fished for her purification rod.

"Where do you sleep if the shrine gets destroyed?" Why are you always broke if you’re supposed to be lucky?”

Reimu knocked the table over with a backhand, walking forward like an incoming apocalypse, fortune orb rolling on the ground as she snarled. She held out a hand as a yin yang orb formed and grew… and grew… Kogasa’s eyes went white before it as it hummed with energy. It fired. And missed her.

Three shots smashed to her side, each landing with a scream against something invisible as the orbs ripped holes in the tent, each one grazing past Kogasa’s head by mere inches.

“Damn fairies.” Reimu cursed, as Sunny, Star, and Luna all seemed to be missing anywhere from view. “Kogasa, what’s your question? Kogasa?” The cursed umbrella was frothing from the mouth on the ground. For feeding on fear, she seemed the easiest yokai to scare in Gensokyo.

Yuuka, helpfully offered to help, picking up the downed Yokai, and laying her head in her lap, stroking her hair affectionately and humming. Kasen supposed that would be another freight when Kogasa did regain consciousness.

Kasen suddenly remembered Tewi talking to the three fairies before she’d found her, and facepalmed. “It’s a good thing fairies respawn. Those shots looked like they hurt…” Kasen noted dryly.

“HAHAHAHA! I doubt it! They must’ve vaporized instantly! GWAHAHAHA! My sides! My sides! They hurt! HAHAHAHA” Tewi herself was literally rolling on the ground laughing.

Marisa stood up from the stands, an absolute shit eating grin as she approached Reimu, helping her put the table back.

“Those sounded like great questions!”

Reimu scowled. “Shut up and sit down until it’s your-”

The clink of coin silenced the objection, Marisa teasingly dropping them one by one, watching Reimu. Between on finger loosening, then the next.

If Yuugi were here, she’d definitely be making an edging joke Kasen thought internally.

“Reimu, what DO you eat if you're always broke?” Marisa teased. Reimu shuffled uncomfortably.

“If you think I’m too embarrassed to answer, you’re wrong. If things are bad, Aunn’s made a dandelion salad before. However, as I often have renters who owe me SOMETHING! - ” Her eyes darted to the three holes in her tent, Clownpiece, Shinmyoumaru, and Shion. “- not often that bad.”

Marisa stopped, legitimately feeling sorry, and not sure if she wanted to continue, but shook her head. As she did, Kasen squinted, she could see what looked like a purple hex radiating from the magician.

That can't end well...

“Uh… Well, where dooo you sleep when the shrine is destroyed?”

Reimu flushed. “You know the answer to that one. YOU’RE the one who invited me over!”

Marisa raised an eyebrow and flashed her teeth with a grin. “Big spoon or little spoon?”

“I’m going to kick your ass. Besides, we both know I’d be the big spoon. You’re way too short.” Reimu almost looked smug as she caught Marisa off guard, a few chuckles from the audience as Marisa was the one left stammering for a second.

“Fiiiiiine. But legitimately on this last one. Why’s your luck always seem rotten if an incident’s not involved?”

Reimu paused, then held out her hand, Marisa tossing her the orb, and both nodding in agreement.

As Reimu began to channel once more, the entire tent shook, as a voice boomed as if in answer.

“TO KEEP YOU HUUUUMBLE!!!”

Marisa jumped. “Holy crap, was that the Hakurei god?”

Reimu seemed unperturbed, and shrugged.

Marisa flailed her arms.“What do you mean you don’t know?! Aren’t you the shrine maiden here?”

“Eh, it’s either him, or Mima’s seal under the shrine is weakening. Either way when it happens, I go beat her up and reseal her and it shuts up, so… either it’s her, or the god likes it when I do that. Hey folks, give me a moment, another intermission. What’d I say my record was? Eh, make it 10 minutes.” Reimu cracked her knuckles with a grin as she walked out of the tent towards the main shrine.

Both rabbit vendors went to call out “Get your snack- where’s all my food gone!?” Nearly in sync.

Chapter Text

A low rumbled echoed in the distance, danmaku firing and dust clouds rising, occasionally perpetuated by a yelp. However, in Gensokyo, it didn’t even seem unnatural, conversations continuing as normal around.

“Hey, chaperone, Imma go pull a prank on Remilia.” Tewi said with a gleeful smile, before leaning in. “Want to join in?”

Kasen blinked, before pointing at herself, as if asking if Tewi was asking the right person.

“Yes, you! If you’re going to ‘watch over me’, you can at least watch! Think of it as observing ways for me to better myself. You’re a guide to the people, and to the animals, right? Isn’t it lucky I’m both?”

Kasen shook her head. “Both of us know you have no intention of improving. Ugh… Why Remilia? Do you really want to cause trouble between Eientei and the Scarlet Devil Mansion?”

Tewi’s lips curled again. “Why? Because it’ll be funny! Why else would I do anything? Nope, no alternative motives here.” Her eyes narrowed for a brief instance. “Unless you can see something. Besides, I’m not going to DO anything. I’m just going to give some advice. I always give the best advice. You know Mystia started up her food cart because of me? I even helped Yuuka have a little bit of fun during the 60 years incident! And I helped Cirno find the biggest frog to freeze too!”

“Didn’t that frog eat her?”

“Details, details. Come’on.” Tewi was gone in a flash. But she had given Kasen where she was going, so the hermit begrudgingly followed. Tewi was lightning quick, as always. The Scarlet Devil Mansion crew took up several lines in the stands. Mei Ling was in the rear, asleep. On the lower stands, sprawling over a wide area, Kosuzu had joined them and with Patchouli were comparing notes on various books, a little bit of a begrudged face on the magician yokai’s face as the little devil assistant panicked at keeping any of the papers from blowing away.

Remilia herself was being attended by her ever faithful maid, drinking a tea so horrendously toxic Kasen could smell it several seats away. Sakuya would make nothing imperfect; meaning it was to the vampire’s taste. Kasen wondered briefly if that poison-doll Yokai could even survive it.

“Oooh, so this is where the fancy people are observing the event from?” Tewi started, with a look of suspicion immediately coming from an annoyed Remila. “One of the rabbits from Eientei…? What are you doing over here?” She made a shoo’ing motion while laying down.

Oh dear dragon god of Gensokyo, does… does Remilia not recognize Tewi?Kasen’s eyes bulged, but Tewi only deepened her smile. One of them was an ancient predator locked in a child like body that ruthlessly hunted down their prey amidst screams for mercy. The other was Remilia.

“Yeah, this whole fortune fair had me thinking about stuff. I hear you can manipulate fate, right? That sounds super powerful? Like, can you do anything with it?”

Remilia tried waving Tewi off again. Sakuya glanced side to side, reaching slyly into the stitching of her maid headwear reflexively. Remilia, though, just sighed, then folded her arms and stood proudly. As proudly as she could with the body of a little girl. “There are limits, but I am pretty impressive, I must admit. Why, if I didn’t go easy on Reimu, I could even be ruler of Gensokyo! But, what’s a little time to a vampire? I’ve lived for 500 years, I can wait for a weaker shrine maiden.”

Kasen tried her best to keep a straight face. Kasen failed to keep a straight face.

Remilia looked annoyed, and her fingernails sharpened. “What, do you have a problem with what I just said? Aren’t you that hermit always at Reimu’s shrine? Why, I could wipe the floor with you in mere moments.”

Kasen’s newly bandaged arm shuffled. Small fish, meet big pond. However, before she could do anything, Tewi jumped onto her shoulders, nearly knocking her over, resting her hands on Kasen’s head. Kasen shuffled uncomfortably with anyone so close to her hidden horns. Of everyone in Gensokyo who did NOT need that information, Tewi was top of the list. An uncomfortable thought went through the hermit’s mind as she grimaced.

“Do you think that fortune teller’s orb is affected if you just push it… just a little bit?” Tewi interjected.

The conversation between Patchouli and Kosuzu paused, Patchouli’s ears perking up. Remilia vampiric nails retracted, and she cocked her head, before picking up her tea again. “Nudge fate around it, you say? Patchy, would that do anything?”

Patchouli rubbed her chin. “I suppose it would, Remi. There’s only two ways I can figure that that orb is working. Either it is reading fate itself, or it’s giving the opinion of someone else. Well, suppose that or it tells the user what they want to hear, but I don’t suppose anyone wanted to hear that Utsuho is the smartest Yokai.”

“Still sour about that?” Remilia chided, though, Patchouli was more than used to ignoring her friend’s barbed comments however, and merely flipped through Kosuzu’s archives.

Tewi, however, jumped back into the conversation. “We could try messing with it a little. I’ve always wanted to know what it’s like having my fate touched. Think you could do something small? I dunno, tell me I’m not leaving Gensokyo or something. Wanna manipulate things so I’m next too? That’s a quick way to see if it works!”

Remilia continued to rub her chin in thought, almost backhandedly dismissing Tewi. Then she smiled. “You know what, I’m in a gracious mood with that information. Come here.”

Tewi feigned innocence, jumping off of Kasen so violently Kasen found herself face first on the ground with a thud.

REALLY starting to hate that rabbit. Buddha himself would get angry.

Remilia placed a hand on the rabbit’s head, and it started to glow a deep crimson red, Remilia panting, but laughing. Even after it had passed a certain madness followed the vampirette. As she removed her hand, she then motioned to Sakuya. “Now… please escort them back to their seats. I don’t want to be disturbed by anyone for the next little bit. Also, wake Mei Ling. If anyone else disturbs me, have her send them away. Violently.”

Kasen heard the click of a pocket watch, and saw magic begin to stir around the maid. She was tempted to interfere, but there was no reason to be belligerent just because she could, and relaxed. It was more sagely to act weak than to constantly pull off godly feats… like a certain blowhard. Besides, she was always curious what the time stop magic felt like.

It turned out that it didn’t feel like anything once it activated. The next moment, both her and Tewi were back where they had started off sitting. Thoughtfully, there was a tin of biscuits next to them, and Kasen’s stomach roared. She hadn’t brought any money for snacks, and Yuuma and Yuyuko crimes against culinary decency had made her hungry.

Almost as fast as the pocket watch had clicked, the tin of biscuits Sakuya had left them was empty.

Tewi seemed far too excited, starting to break as she held her sides, a manic expression spreading across her lips. Kasen’s eyes darted between her, and Remilia, not liking how both had similar expressions. “What, exactly, was that about?” Kasen asked between crumbs with the cheeks of a chipmunk.

Tewi held up a hand to shut Kasen up as she held her sides, before bending over cackling.Her carrot necklace bounced up and down as the rabbit lost it, wiping away a tear. “Hahahaha! What do you think she’s going to do?”

“Remilia? She barely has any more self restraint than her sister, she’s going to try it out immediately…” Kasen eyed the three holes in the tent, and sighed. “... and get blasted to kingdom come for messing with Reimu on a good day. You probably just told the fairies of light they could just try and steal a question. They then forgot to ask anything useful, and just used the chance to annoy Reimu. Hmm…. And the never leaving Gensokyo thing?”

“Guilty as charged. Hehehe, you know, for a stiffnecked hermit, you’re figuring out these pranks preeeeetty quickly. You should join in on them! Admit it, you’re entertained! All harmless fun.”

Kasen gulped. “Didn’t you JUST cause three fairies to vaporize?”

“Mostly harmless fun!”

“Uuuuuugh… Where… where would I even start on the path to leaving all worldly desires with you? Or being a better person?” Kasen buried her face in her hands, then thought for a moment. “You still didn’t answer what that ‘never leaving Gensokyo thing’ was about.”

Kasen noticed the fringes of Tewi’s perpetual smile twitch, before quickly returning. “Eh, if things work out, never have to. I can just butter up Remilia later to undo it if I need to. She’s suuuuper easy to con! See, I only bothered, because I just wanted to nudge her to use her power by giving her a small sample. She doesn’t normally bother to use them and wouldn’t think of it for something like this!”

Kasen glanced over the other side of the tent, Remilia was sweating buckets as a red glow continued to weave off of her as she practiced. Between fits of mad laughter, she could see what looked like little red streaks running down her eyes. An ability that powerful wasn’t easy to use well. And for something this trivial…

As per instructions from Remilia, the moment a yokai so much as walked behind her, Mei Ling stirred, kicking them across the stands while yelling “Sorry!”. Kasen flinched. Poor Nazrin. The guards of the event ran up to try and settle the dispute, Jo’on running to Nazrin, and comically trying to wrap a bandage around her head, Shion taking another hit to ‘not disturb Remilia’. Patchouli slammed her book shut and approached the Yorigami sisters. The worse thing, however, the hit had littered the stands with Shion’s hexes. Kasen couldn’t help but notice one hanging to Remilia as well as Mei Ling. Oddly, the one on Mei Ling faded. “Naturally terrible luck I guess.” Kasen thought out loud.

Kasen cocked a head back at Tewi. “Let me guess your angle. You’re having fun having an audience to explain your pranks to. And seeing as I owe Reisen, I’m forced to spectate.”

“Yup! And even better, you can follow along. A little too well actually. Kinda scary. None of the other hermits probably could. You’re more than you let on, aren’t you? It’s like I’m next to Yukari, but less busy.”

Kasen raised a finger, then noticed the sly smile on the rabbit’s face, and let it drop. There was no winning with her.

The Bare Rabbit of Fine Words and Flattery, indeed.
====================

“Alright, I’m back.”

Reimu huffed, her clothes torn in tatters, several burn marks across her skin, but a satisfied smile on her face as she returned to the orb.

I will definitely have to work on training bloodlust out of her… On the other hand, the fact that not even Nazrin touched that orb while Reimu was out speaks volumes. Kasen thought. She then remembered the reason for it, seeing the poor mouse girl struggling to remove Jo’on’s bandages wrapped around her head like a mummy. Finally getting free, she looked unamused as she threatened the bouncer with her dowsing rods. Then remembered that Jo’on was a moderate threat in Gensokyo, and scurried off, a thud in the background as she tripped over Mamizou, also still collapsed under stands.

“Number 7, if you’d come down.”

Tewi made a fist bump, before jumping down, skipping down people’s heads down the stands like she was skipping across a field of flowers. A moment of horror filled Kasen as one head seemed to roll, before she realized it was Sekibanki, who had no neck in the first place. An angry growl came from the yokai, who still grabbed her own head, and hurled it at Tewi. Tewi just barely passed a metal stand holding up the circus tent, causing the projectile to bounce off it with a ‘thunk’ hard enough to make Sekibanki’s body convulse.

Lucky rabbit...

Tewi gave a cutesy giggle, and Reimu was instantly on guard.

“Oh no… you. Alright, what is it you want?” Reimu’s eyes narrowed. “Remember, I can say no.”

Tewi leaned forward, motioning to whisper in her ear. Reimu leaned in curiously, before Tewi shouted loud enough to deafen the shrine maiden and broadcast to everyone.

“Will I ever find the person that I love?”

Reimu fell over, partly from surprise, partly out of being deafened. A pause went through the stands as various yokai tried to figure out Tewi’s angle. Kasen even was drawing a blank, biting her lip. What prank, well, what prank other than deafening Reimu could she pull with that? Or, was it a prank?

Even more uncharacteristically, Tewi dropped a handful of gems into the donation box. Way more than was necessary for the fee. Tewi was a well known con woman and cheapskate on top of being a prankster. The difference between her and Reimu was that Tewi was good at it.

Kasen wasn’t the only one stumped. She scanned the crowd for the only other Eientei member there, finding Kaguya hiding a surprise expression behind a sleeve. Mokou next to her looked just as surprised with mouth open and eyebrows furrowed.

In the corner, a woman with purple hair and a pipe dropped it to the ground, and everyone around her holding tickets stood in silence. *1

Wait, are they gambling on questions here!? Questions for later. I’ll lecture them later.

Reimu herself stood in silence, rubbing her ears. “Huh… what? Can you repeat that?”

Tewi seemed to relish the surprise, fluttering her eyebrows, and leaning across the table. With how small she was, it was an effort. “Will I ever find the person that I love?” She repeated word for word.

Reimu just blinked. Once, twice, thrice. “... why?! Actually, you know what, I don’t care.”

She began to rub the orb once more, a brilliant blue light filling it. “Will this pain in my butt find ‘the person that she loves?’”

An image of Tewi filled the stands, running through years and years, the motion speeding up and searching. Every time it paused, it showed Tewi alone. Again, and again. Sitting at the edge of a pavilion at Eientei looking at the moon. Chanting in the background as the various rabbits pounded Mochi.

“♪The first strike is for Lord Daikoku
♪The second strike is for all the 180 children
♪The third strike is for Lady Kaguya
♪The fourth strike is for Lady Eirin.”

Bamboo grew and shifted, ever winding paths around the mansion, night after night, each one with Tewi staring up at the full moon, almost the same position. Occasionally her hair was longer, occasionally her dress a bit more tattered. The pavilion aged, the rabbits changed repeatedly. But it was always Tewi, somewhat aloof, near people, but never with anyone.

However, something drew Kasen’s attention. Okuu was called by her actual name Utsuho Reiuji, even though almost no one called her that. According to Rin, her master only used it when she was in big, big trouble. Likewise, on the ceiling, she didn’t see “Tewi”.

“The White Hare of Inaba.”

The scene continued for sometime. Before one night, the rabbits kept singing, but Tewi was no longer there, the light beginning to fade.

Reimu was panting by the end of it. “Uh… Doesn’t look like it?”

Kasen didn’t know Tewi very well, but almost felt the urge to put a hand on her shoulder for that, slowly making her way down the stands.

However, Tewi started laughing. “Hahahaha! As if. Pfffffft. My true love might as well be pranks anyway, so not sure what that’s all about.”

Kasen thought it was the easiest read she’d had of Tewi ever, but as she looked her in the eyes, a look of absolute delight met her instead. She really couldn’t read her at all! She paused, thinking about everything Tewi had done so far.

From sides of the stands, Yuuma was the most vocal, dropping “What the f-” before being cut off by Ringo trying to shake her off of her food cart she was still perched on. A sudden death glare from the matriarch stopped her, before Yuuma leapt off of it, and started to return to her seat next to Kaguya and Mokou. Kaguya was making frantic motions with her sleeves and pointing at Tewi to Mokou. Mokou seemed disturbed, but other younger yokai around seemed interested. Seiran in particular. Kasen believed Sumireko called it ‘shipping’.

Yuuma stood for a second, and then immediately left to find a new seat, ending up next to her newest nemesis in the culinary department, Yuyuko. Several of the cooks had a look of dread across the stands. Youmu most prominently, Sakuya, Mystia, Mokou, and several others.

Tewi marched back to her ‘chaperone’ of the night, still smiling. “Welp, that’s everything I wanted to do tonight. Looks like fate manipulation from Remilia is A-okay and working. Is there anyone you wanted me to prank for you? Come on, I’ll give you the introductory course.”

Kasen shook her head. “No. Still no. I’m supposed to lead people towards salvation. Not a pit trap.”

Tewi rolled her eyes. “Have you ever led someone to a pit trap? It’s hilarious! Besides.” Her face became much more serious. “I know who’s orb that was♪. I also know 5 people I’m sure you want to prank! I can sense it. Think there’s space for a God of Pranks in Gensokyo?”

“Sadly, I still think that’s Yukari’s position, just no one likes her enough for them to find them funny. You’ve never had to work with her.”

Tewi’s hid another particularly wide smile behind her palm at another nugget of information. But, Kasen returned it. She was a sage, she could play this game. “So, all the Eientei rabbits look up to you, right?”

Tewi shrugged. “They’ll follow anyone. Reeeeally gullible. I’m just the most popular right now.”

“Odd that they sing to a god that was sealed away. I think I remember hearing a story about the White Rabbit of Inaba, and Lord Daikoku. About how he helped after the rabbit was injured after a prank gone wrong with crossing the sharks. I wonder if that’s why they sing to him in reverence.

You know the way to say what you mean, not meaning what you say *2. What you actually meant is “Is he ever coming to Gensokyo”, isn’t it? I don’t think he is, but you didn’t want anyone to catch what you were asking. Pretending to be a flirty young girl in love was off putting enough no one’s going to want to prod what you actually meant, they’ll be too busy asking who is the guy.”

Tewi’s smile, for once in her life, seemed to die.

Kasen sighed, and patted Tewi on the head, rubbing between her rabbit ears. “I… also had someone… let’s say, like ‘family’ to me, sealed in a shrine on the outside. When everyone thought I was in my Senkai, I was looking for… ‘her’ on the outside. I only found them during the occult ball incident actually.

I can say, at least, I know how you feel there.”

Tewi shook her head. “I’m really not one for ‘sentimental’ stuff… You can lay off it. I’m just a… happy, lucky rabbit who brings good fortune. Just like I always was, even before I was a yok…” Her voice cracked and trailed off. She didn’t move Kasen’s hand despite the complaints as Reimu called the next guest, both of them sure that Remilia was about to do something incredibly stupid.

Chapter Text

“Oh, oh! Do me next, I want another love question!” Marisa shouted.

Reimu gave her a glare. “You’ve already gone, and if I answered that one, half of Gensokyo would start a war. I’m not solving an incident this week. Denied, sit back down. Yuuka, if she moves, I want you to answer who has a better Master Spark.”

Yuuka hummed pleasantly as she patted the downed Kogasa in her lap, but a vein bulged on her forehead. “Such an ugly name for that technique…”

Marisa smiled. “I think it’s awesome!”

Reimu was pinching the bridge of her nose as she let her hands off the orb. Kasen noticed that Reimu's hands were reddened, and the table where the orb rested was charring. Reimu’s donation box, however, was actually growing rather hefty, and she wasn’t going to stop.

An item like that has to take an incredible amount of power… Kasen thought. Seiga probably couldn’t use it often. One of Reimu’s hands was more burned than the other, the one that kept touching the crack in the orb.

“Hey, Jo’on, come here.” Reimu motioned her current security over, and motioned to Kasen and Tewi in the stands, before calling over the next number. Kasen groaned. She didn’t think they’d done anything, but with the psychotic prankster next to her, who knew what Tewi had done BEFORE she agreed to sit with Kasen. She’d mentioned 4 pranks. One had been Kasen’s bandages, one had been messing with the fairies of light. What were the other two? Tewi had specifically promised NOT to behave either.

Moving on, the next number was called. “Number 666.”

“Yay!” A glowing orb of darkness ran forward from the stands… and ran straight into a pole holding up the tent with a ‘bang’, bouncing off it. After being abused a second time, the pole swayed a bit. Reimu watched it for a moment, but as it stood mostly in place, she shrugged, and kept going.

“Alright, we’ll get back to Rumia. Uh, 234?”

Akyuu stood, one of the few humans in the village who dared attend. Well, her, Kosuzu, Rinnosuke, and two male drunks who Kasen was 90% sure hadn’t noticed all the yokai. *1 Keine wasn’t there, but considering how much she hated Reimu, it wasn’t a surprise. Akyuu did seem a bit nervous with all the yokai around.

“I have a few questions I wanted chronicled. It’s about danmaku. I can’t participate myself, but it’s probably best if the village has a record. How far is the collateral for a bullet? Do we at the village have to worry about a random stray hit from a distant battle? For the yokai, and the supernatural, a bullet isn’t going to be lethal, but a bystander like those two.” She pointed to the drunks. “A shot could be lethal. We’d like to know. Also, I’m a bit curious, how long does it take to prepare for a duel? You fire a lot of talisman, how long does that take?”

For once, on a subject not money, a glow began in Reimu’s eyes, and a wide smile began to spread. Marisa groaned. Half of the audience agreed. “Oh. Oh no… she… she pressed the danmaku button.”

“Those are great questions! It’s part of the reason we switched to official sanctioned danmaku battles, sure they can hurt if they hit, but generally aren’t fatal, and are designed to dissipate quickly! This also means that most danmaku battles are medium range. Most people fly during it, so that the distance the bullets travel when they hit the ground is enough that the bullet’s mostly gone by then! If a duel is CQC and on the ground, the bullets are a LOT more painful, but shorter ranged, detonating within a couple yards. Only real masochists, or those too drunk to notice prefer that sort of duel though.”

Tenshi pouted at that one. Mei Ling held up a finger to object, but just let her head hang. Shion started crying while floating. All people who preferred the CQC type of danmaku battles. Kasen then realized SHE preferred that type! She wasn’t that drunk! She huffed, then realized that the last comment was meant for Suika. Maybe it was something about Oni blood? Then again Yuugi, oddly, preferred traditional danmaku.

“I am curious though, as the length a bullet travels depends on the person. Who is the best ‘sniper’? I’ve been wanting to know since the start! I should yell at them because it’s dangerous, but it’s just something so interesting-” Reimu continued, asking her own question.

Rubbing her hands against the orb as it began to charge, Reimu kept talking.

“As far as preparing for a duel, it doesn’t take too much preparation. I have a few dozen talisman and needles each. There’s a type of magic that’s required to duel, a duplication magic that makes a danmaku appear similar to an object dear to the user. So I take a single talisman, and can make dozens of copies of it. I find if I write ‘money’ on it, it brings me better luck. Sakuya there doesn’t actually throw dozens of knives, she only needs a few, and can make duplicates.”

Sakuya held up a finger. “Um… actually, I don’t? I just run back to the mansion and restock, or grab the knives I’ve already thrown on the ground if I’m too far away while time is stopped. You can duplicate items with magic?”

A look of absolute bewilderment came from Reimu.

Kasen was also surprised, as it was the most useless abuse of time manipulation she’d ever heard of.

However, a yelp came from the shrine maiden from holding the orb too long while she had launched into her tangent. It was still hot. The image went off. “Who has the longest range danmaku?” Against the ceiling, the name “The Earth-Loving Moon Rabbit, Seiran” appeared. It showed a confused blue haired rabbit pointing to herself in a mochi stained apron in front of a closed food cart, with updated posters on the side reading “Banned for Life: Yuyuko, Yuuma”.

The image shifted to a panting Seiran fighting a mostly intact pegasus like spirit, Saki. Saki stood with folded arms, chewing straw, in the middle of what seemed to be hell itself, shaking her head and looking disappointed. Saki tipped her hat, before jumping at high speeds out of the way of a barrage of Seiran’s bullets, each one fired with a swing of the moon rabbit’s hammer. Back and forth, no bullet hit, Seiran getting more, and more worn out.

With a final roar, Seiran gritted her teeth and swung her hammer with all her might. The bullet fired with a fierce shockwave… only for Saki to gingerly step out the way as it rocketed past, her clothes bristling in the wind. Saki just shook her head, and spat out the straw, waiting for what came next. Seiran began to falter, leaning forward like she would fall, sheer willpower being the only thing keeping her up.

Kasen eyed the bullet, the moment it had passed by Saki, it had disappeared. It was brief, but for just a moment, she’d seen a portal open… but where? In the distance, a new portal opened, the bullet not slowing down, but picking up speed as it traveled across the edges of the stand, and though illusionary, some in the stands panicked.

Kogasa began to awaken in Yuuka’s lap with a groggy ‘uuuugh’, before screaming as the blue illusion shot right at her. She passed out frothing, Yuuka giving a sympathetic smile, and continued stroking her hair.

The illusory Saki didn’t notice it, and just a look of disappointment as she jumped forward, aiming a finger at Seiran, energy charging.

A portal opened right behind her back, and a sonic boom began to rift as the bullet shot straight into the back of Saki between her wings, sending her plummeting into the ground with another thud. A crater formed amidst a small dust cloud.

Seiran barely managed to stand in the air, swaying to and fro, before the dust settled. The dust cleared as Saki stepped forward, with barely any ripped clothing for the effort. She gave a thumbs up with a bright smile, laughing, right as Seiran began to tilt forward and plummet towards the ground.

Kasen raised an eyebrow. “What was the rabbit’s ability again? It looks similar to Yukari’s, but quicker and less flexible.”

Tewi still wasn’t answering.

A voice answered, cutting him off. “Something like sending bullets to another dimension, some crap like that.” Jo’on stood next to the two, rolling her eyes, and spreading out her fan. “Don’t really know why that rabbit,-” she pointed at Tewi, “freaked out Reimu, but she said to keep an eye on her. Doesn’t look that bad to me. Didn’t she make some other rabbit fight during my incident? Ugh, still, at least I get to sit down, my feet are kiiiiilling me. Bet Shion doesn’t have that problem.” Shion was still floating with a hunched back, floating ominously as people scurried away from her and her hexes.

Reimu was continuing to dribble on about the finer points of danmaku to an Akyuu who was failing to get in a word with hand raised.

Kasen raised an eyebrow as Jo’on stood next to her. “What is your angle? You and your sister aren’t called ‘the dependable pair everyone leans on’. Why are you here?”

“Oh, get off your high horse. We’re ‘reformed’! What’s your problem anyways?”

Kasen crossed her arms. “You two robbed me when I broke off from Reimu! And I heard during the black water incident, you were causing problems for EVERYONE, before making off and have been avoiding debt collectors since. It doesn’t sound reformed to me. You should be focused on being the better people you said you’d be. Help out every once in a while?”

Jo’on snapped her fan closed, a vicious snarl on her face. “How are we supposed to do that when people like you wouldn’t give us a chance in the first place?! We’ve done nothing but help here yet, and you’re still accusing us! Tch. Self righteous hermit. But it’s alright, we won’t have to live off of scraps too much longer. I got a plan…”

Below, Reimu had her arm over Akyuu’s shoulder, showing her amulet’s multiplying, she motioned to Marisa to come over, who was holding out her arms in a cross and waving a fierce ‘no’, before pointing to the already swaying pillar Rumia had collided with.

Kasen shook her head. “You just admitted you have another scheme. I’ll, at least, give you this, I haven’t figured it out yet. But it’s dangerous for your sister to be in a crowd this big. You two shouldn’t have come.”

A sudden flash of pain pulsed by. Kasen saw red, and she was no longer sitting. Instead, she was staring up from the ground, the entire tent spinning, stars and eagles circling her head.

What… just happened? Had… had Jo’on just punched her? Had she really just laid her out? HER? Oddly, Kasen could feel her heart beating, hear the blood pulsing in her body. Hair stood on edge, muscles tensed, and she reached up, rubbing her face. Blood trickled down her bandages. One helluva hook… For the briefest of moments, a smile flashed. Something was odd. She felt giddy. That was bad. She hadn’t felt that way in a long while. Ancient blood that wanted to fight. She wanted a fight. She swallowed it with effort. A lot of effort. She wanted a fight. Keep it suppressed. Keep it under wraps. Keep one’s self under control. Don’t give into one’s desires.

“#1, don’t harbor hatred or jealousy in your heart. #2 … do not kill…” Kasen chanted to herself as she slowly peeled herself off the floor.

Reimu had stopped her spiel, looking up at the stands. The gaze of several yokai followed.

Yuuma cheered. “Finally! THAT’S what I’ve been waiting for!”

The purple haired gambler below at the gambling stands tore at her hair. “Did anyone have bets on the Mountain HERMIT being the first dragged into a fight!?”

However, a small bowl popped up, and an inchling laughed, dancing side to side with the lid over her head. “I did! I did! Pay up! Pay up! Hehehe!” Shinmyoumaru cried, absolutely delighted. Sakuya also teleported next to the gambling stands, turning in a similar ticket. *2

“Holy… didst a member of the disastrous pair lay waste to our mountain compatriot? Forsooth, she bist tough like unto an oni.” Futo said standing up from the taoist section. “Ought we give her aid?”

However, Jo’on did something Kasen didn’t expect. She knelt down, and offered a hand back up. “Sorry. Don’t badmouth Shion, though. Only I get to do that. She’s at least been through enough.”

Kasen took several deep breaths, trying to suppress her bloodlust. She wanted to fight. She wanted to fight. She wanted to fight.

Kasen gripped her head with one hand, feeling like it was going to split, before taking the hand. Kasen gave Reimu a thumbs up between the flashes of pain. Things were still spinning. She spat more blood on the stands from a cracked lip. That was… one helluva punch. It wasn’t as fierce as one of Yuugi’s punches, but Yuugi had never sucker-punched anyone in her life. She made it abundantly clear exactly what she was going to do. Suika had, but held back significantly to not leave blood smears. Neither one, however, used the equivalent of brass knuckles…

Deep breaths… deep breaths. And yet, Kasen looked at Jo’on… two Jo’ons? She closed her eyes, before scooting over and just patted the seat motioning for Jo’on to sit. Reopening her eyes, she noticed Byakuren in the seat in front of her giving her a thumbs up in return. Almost timidly, Jo’on took the seat before snapping her fan back open, hiding her expression, but not meeting Kasen’s eyes.

Kasen still wanted to kill her. But, rejecting that side of her was important. Very important. If she killed who she wanted, half of Gensokyo would be gone. If she ate when she wanted, half of Gensokyo would also be gone. To walk both extremes was the way of the hermit, having desires on one side, and fully rejecting them on the other. She was beginning to suspect similar training was the reason Byakuren had taken Jo’on in. Not just that the woman had a large heart, but Jo’on’s pestilence ability causing those around her to lose self control was likely excellent training for her Buddhist understudies.

On her left, the con artist known as Tewi. On her right, the con artist known as Jo’on. And below, the con artist, sometimes shrine maiden known as Reimu. She then noticed on her left was NOT Tewi, but an empty seat. Kasen rubbed the bridge of her nose, before feeling something off about it. “Ugh….” She grabbed her nose roughly, and flinched, before a ‘snap’ echoed with a slight yelp.

“Wait, where’s your rabbit gone? She’s why I’m supposed to be here?!”

“Ugh… She’ll be back…”

“You trust her?”

“Hell no. But… trying to control her makes you a target. Give her some reason to come back, uh… she will…”

Jo’on rubbed the back of her head. “Uh… yeah, sorry…”

Kasen, meanwhile, crossed her legs, getting into a meditative stance, which was helping her block some of the more violent thoughts. A terrible part of her taunted her for letting it hurt. Back in the old days, a punch would have to be a hundred times more powerful to make her flinch. She caught herself thinking ‘back in the good days, when things were simpler’. No… Bad Kasen

Below, Akyuu broke the danmaku dribble with the distraction, and quickly dropped coins into the box.

“I need a count of the largest number of people who attended the Prism River Sisters’ show, date, and occasion.”

A sharp inhale came from Jo’on, knowing full well the answer to that question. She was right, it was when she and Shion had tried to rob Gensokyo. The orb displayed the scene of the fight, with Reimu absolutely overwhelming Shion, who didn’t have much more misfortune to HIT Reimu with that Reimu didn’t already have. The image gave a faint illusion behind Reimu of Yukari smiling smugly, while behind Shion, Jo’on was absolutely losing it.

The historical crowd at the concert all seemed to think it was part of the show, cheering more enthusiastically.

Jo’on rubbed the back of her head. “Don’t go telling the Prism River Sisters, but kinda my ability that got everyone to buy those expensive tickets for it. It actually probably wouldn’t have worked if they were normal priced. It was that big shot Raiko, overselling it.”

Kasen still was in a meditative stance, and nodded. “That makes sense.”

Akyuu nodded and quickly scurried away. Reimu paused, looking like she wanted to fit in SOME segway back into danmaku, but gave up, and just pulled from scraps of paper for the next one.

“54?”

Mei Ling, still hovering behind Remilia, snapped to attention. “Yes!” She then looked down at Remilia, as if asking for permission, who smiled wider.

“Yes, go. Sakuya can cover you for a moment. Or perhaps Koakuma.”

The little devil raised a hand. “That’s, uh… not actually my nam-”

Patchouli cut her off. “She would be my servant, but yes, Koakuma take over.”

The little devil seemed defeated, but the two redheads changed position.

Mei Ling made an impressive leap from the stands, landing with a slight crouch in front of Reimu, and bowed respectfully before dropping coins in the donation box.

“Mistress keeps calling me lazy, but I don’t think I do a terrible job. Sure, I might… occasionally nap- I mean, look contemplative at the gate, but you two are the only two to actually BREAK in. I can sense when someone is nearby. I even stopped some little kirin during the red mist incident that we caused, so I’m not totally helpless.”

Reimu raised an eyebrow. “Is there… a question?”

“Who’s the laziest person in Gensokyo? How’s that? I bet it isn’t me!”

Reimu shrugged, and stroked the orb once more.

At the same time, both Kasen and Jo’on at the same time went “I’m willing to bet I know who it is.”

Kasen opened one eye. “Komachi?”

Jo’on cocked a head. “Who’s that? I was going to say-”

A head with multiple vibrant hair colors turned. “Yes, I’m curious as well, who were you going to say, Jo’on, dear?” In front of them, Byakuren turned, with a warm smile… and a slight vein bulging on her head.

Jo’on gulped, and shook her head. “I, uh, I uh… You know what, it doesn’t matter?”

Byakuren kept smiling. “Of course, I’d love to have you back at the temple for additional training if you ever want back. You were a great guest. I do hear that you’ve been causing trouble lately, though. Like… assaulting a hermit a few moments ago? Training can help so much with temperance.”

Kasen blinked at the gentle threat. Hadn’t Byakuren decked Miko less than a week ago? While she was all for training the lazy of Gensokyo, heavens knew Reimu was due for another round, it was odd the threat was now.

Wait, does the well loved saint of Gensokyo have her servants do ALL the chores? Kasen wondered, before a mischievous smile started to form on her face. She wished Tewi were here, a sentence no one in Gensokyo had ever said, much less thought.

“That sounds like a great idea.” Kasen said, to the squirming of Jo’on. “Of course, a master’s work is to instruct the student, what sort of things does Jo’on do while at the Myourem temple, and what’s your mastery of them to compare how far she has to go? Occasionally I train others, such as weights on the knees while meditating. I'm a bit tough, so I can go about 500 pounds for an hour, but when Reimu’s there, she only has to worry about 40 lbs for 15 minutes.”

Byakuren scratched her face. “I’m sure we can discuss later, we wouldn’t… want.. To miss the answer… But, Jo’on, do behave, will you?”

The orb glowed blue, and the name written upon the ceiling shone: “Gate Keeper of Scarlet Devil Mansion, Hong Mei Ling.”

The most boring slideshow of Mei Ling asleep at the guardpost passed, all hours of the day, occasionally changed by her snapping awake, and punching the likes of Cirno away, Aya several times, but then falling back asleep. Embarrassingly, she didn’t even wake up whenever it was Marisa, no longer bothering.

Escapade after escapade passed with Marisa, at first, stealing a book or two… before grabbing a sack… and the sack increasing in size, larger and larger each time, Mei Ling still asleep.

Mei Ling looked horrified, hanging her head. Patchouli puffed out her cheeks, magic rippling in the air as she stared down at Marisa, who playfully stuck her tongue out at the mage.

Jo’on cocked her head. “That’s… not all that lazy? Sure she’s asleep a lot, but she’s still guarding the gate, and chasing off people? Wait, is this place rich to steal from?”

Kasen pointed at one passing image of Mei Ling liver punching Aya. The real Aya in the stands gripped her side in memory.

Jo’on shook her head. “Right… right…”

Still, she had a point. Komachi was way, way worse. She was not doing her job when she was asleep, and had perpetuated an incident with her laziness before. Kasen’s eyes slowly rose up the stands to see Remilia’s eyes slightly tearing up with blood.

Mei Ling dejectedly walked away.

Reimu drew a new number. “100.”

From the stands, Hina twirled towards the stand, depositing her coins, and tapping back and forth with the occasional spin.

“I’m looking for someone to collect misfortune from-”

Reimu motioned to Shion with a thumb before Hina even finished. A sweat drop fell down her forehead as she leaned back and forth between her feet. “Someone… a little less unfortunate.”

Reimu didn’t even miss a beat as her thumb changed direction towards where Moriya shrine HAD been, and a rainbow goddess was still sitting there. “Chimata Tenkyuu. Don’t even need the orb.”

Chimata stood up with her hands on her hips. “Hey!” She yelled out. “I’ve been prospering since the Market Incident!” Reimu didn’t even blink.

“Someone, not a god, how about that as a qualifier. How about this, who’s the most lonely person in Gensokyo, would that suffice?” Hina clarified, still not standing still.

Reimu shrugged, and the orb lit up with a glow.

Kasen stroked her chin thinking. For a moment, she looked down with a pitying look at Jo’on. Jo’on snarled back. “Hey, I have Shion, and she has me. Don’t you look at me like that. Also, I have a few friends… sometimes.”

Glancing across the stands, Remilia didn’t seem to be interfering.

Above, a name began to write in the air. “The Forgotten Kirin, Rin Satsuki.”

Kasen tilted her head as the illusion showed a girl with bright blonde hair and a ribbon, sitting in a room, rubbing her feet nervously back and forth. Occasionally she’d pull out a stringed instrument, but nothing happened. The room was much more western than most rooms.

From the Scarlet Devil Mansion crew, Sakuya tilted her head. Remilia rubbed her chin. “Wasn’t that the kirin you said you’d interview later as a maid? Possibly a nurse position?”

Sakuya bowed. “Yes, but, mistress, you and your sister both regenerate, Patchouli you said needed the best, so we switched to Eientei for her. Most of the staff are fairies and are immortal, and I believe you said Mei Ling and Koakuma were ‘expendable’. I refuse to get sick. So I didn’t feel it was urgent. I told her I’d get back with her and to wait in a side room. I didn’t think she’d still be waiting.”

“It’s not like you to forget something like that Sakuya. How long ago was this?”

Sakuya rubbed her chin. “I believe we had urgent matters with that space craft of yours, that took precedence, and we were out of the mansion for about a month then. It must have slipped my mind.”

Kasen’s eyes bulged, as did most others, including, surprisingly Reimu’s. Remilia merely shrugged, and took a drink of tea. “"Tell her we have filled the position. I doubt we’ll see her again.”

“Yes, mistress.”

Reimu just sighed at the blatant wickedness from the Scarlet Devil Mansion, but pulled the next number. “500, Remilia”

Remilia smiled, before holding her hand over her eyes, and handing a slip of paper to Sakuya.

Sakuya instantly reappeared in front of Reimu.

“I believe the mistress wished me to ask on her behalf “What is the most beautiful spellcard in Gensokyo?””

Reimu gave a dry blink. “What, she couldn’t come down here herself? She competing with Mei Ling for laziest? Fine, works for me. What is the most beautiful spell card in Gensokyo!”

Around, debate raged, though most of Gensokyo seemed to think it was their own. A particularly loud “Icicle Fall - Easy!” boomed.

Jo’on cocked her head. “What idiot names their attack ‘easy’?”

Kasen sighed. “An… idiot.”

Rubbing the orb, lights began to fill the stands once more. Remilia, naturally, had no restraint.

“The Scarlet Devil, Remilia Scarlet.”

Remilia’s spell card, “Queen of Midnight” began to play against Yorihime of the moon, as orbs of darkness began to rain down on her foe… though Yorihime seemed to just dance past them.

Reimu’s eyes narrowed, but she didn’t say anything, her gaze glancing towards the donation box.

Kasen was tempted to see what reporting Remilia to Jo’on would do, but Remilia had a stand full of bodyguards. It wouldn’t end well.

Kasen was then even more tempted, but refrained for the sheer fact she wanted to think she was a good person… or at least a better person.

Jo’on just cocked her head. “Did… not seem that beautiful. Not enough dollar signs. Also, she didn’t hit anyone. Sure, it was strong and I guess kinda pretty, but I’ve seen better.”

Kasen groaned. “I think you and Reimu would get along scarily well if she ever HAD money to spend…”

Reimu called out “Number 6.”

Okuu leapt at attention. Then cocked her head. “I forgot.” Next to her, Rin facepalmed, and whispered in her ear.

“Oh! Oh yeah!”

Confidently, she flew over. “I kinda wanna see if I’m any stronger before I ask you for a rematch and atomize the shrine. Uh, anyone who’s strong with nearly as much firepower as me that I can practice on.”

Reimu groaned. “Danmaku rules. We’re in Gensokyo. Also, you said the attacking me part out loud. Denied.”

Okuu, though, rubbed her chin. “Got it… got it… Who’s got the most firepower in Gensokyo?”

“That’s the same question! Try again!”

Okuu nodded, thinking thoughtfully with a hum. “But… who’s got the biggest boom?”

From the stands, Cirno shook a fist, cheering. “Yeah! The smartest yokai!”

Reimu groaned. “If I don’t answer… all the fairies are going to start asking it. Nice going. Fine. You get an idiot exception.”

“Thanks! Oh, but make sure to exclude me. I don’t want to fight me. Because if I’m fighting me, then I know I’d win.” Okuu smiled back, without a hint of understanding she was being insulted.

Reimu began to rub the orb again, flinching at its heat as once again, the name “The Scarlet Devil, Remilia Scarlet” began to pop up.

The light was about halfway to forming an image of Remilia’s ‘Gungir’, before Reimu suddenly stood up, and flipped her table. As the cloth covered the orb, the light went dark, though, the tablecloth did start to smolder.

The Scarlet Devil Mansion Crew didn’t even have time to prepare defenses before a fourth hole with wings formed in the tent, and a hole in the middle of the metal stands, and the lady of the hour was missing, Reimu’s palm aimed straight at it.

A fear started to spread across the stands as Reimu stared out menacingly at everyone. “Anyone else want to mess with things?”

Sakuya politely excused herself to go retrieve her mistress. However, Patchouli grabbed her by the apron. “She’ll be out for a few hours. I’d say ‘think of it like a break’, but you won’t. So, think of it like reconnaissance. Remilia will want to be informed of everything when she wakes up, and I can’t be bothered. Mei Ling, you can go attend to the mistress, you’ve asked your question.”

Mei Ling slumped her shoulders. “Man, today’s full of defeats. Yeah, yeah, I got it. Smelling salts or no?”

“Let her sleep.”

As Kasen watched, however, someone extended a slender hand behind her and offered her her Medicine Box. “Aw… I missed my own prank. Looks like it went about as well as I expected though.” Tewi complained as she sat back down. Kasen had questions. However, she also had a pounding headache, and a broken nose. If only she had some sake…

“Hey, wait, I thought it was confiscated? Can’t that box make you as strong as an oni? That’s why we confiscated it!” Jo’on asked bewildered. “Actually, HOW did you get that? We have Tenshi on guard duty, and she’s got a nose like a bloodhound.”

Tewi’s massive grin was back. “And the gullibility of a child! My favorite kind of person! Sorry, chaperone! I might have convinced her that Reimu needed a stand for the orb to make it sit higher, and the box would do. Told her it was the feng shui, and obviously being a celestial Tenshi would get it. I also convinced her that it would be safer to stick Okuu’s control rod against Marisa’s mini-Hakkero to keep it from going off by accident. It required a greeeeeat amount of strength that only a celestial could pull off. Though, I didn’t want to be yelled at toooo badly, so told her other people’s magic stuff would interfere and to do it a bit farther away.”

A dull ‘boom’ in the distance verified how that had gone. It seemed to get on Reimu’s last nerve though as she gritted her teeth, and a nasty aura was coming off of her. Okuu, however, stood obliviously by her. “Unyu? My question…?”

Kasen expected a fifth bird shaped hole. Instead, Reimu just put her finger over Okuu’s mouth to shush her.

It was a good time for Kasen to use her box.

Kasen didn’t even care about being careful as she opened a portal in front of her. It was empty. Where WAS all her sake too? Was it with her money?

She grumbled, and made a consciously bad decision. The Sages did share knowledge in case of emergency, though her proficiency with different portal types was laughable other than her ‘Hidden Path’. Still, she opened a DIFFERENT portal full of eyes, and pulled out sake to fill her medicine box with. “Yukari won’t miss it… it’s mid winter.” Yukari absolutely would, she had the memory of a supercomputer, but she could fight Kasen when she woke up. She could probably steal from Okina instead, but that would be a more immediate fight, and that was something Kasen did NOT need right now.

Tilting back her head, she downed the box as a refreshing feeling came over her, and a refreshing gasp, an honest to goodness smile returning.

She gently patted Jo’on and Tewi’s shoulders. “All is forgiven.”

Jo’on raised an eyebrow. Tewi’s cocked her head, her smile looking psychotic.

Below, Reimu sat back down, Marisa actually helping to set the table back up, and yelping as she touched the orb “Hey, Reimu, that thing’s getting pretty hot.”

Reimu hand waved it off. “Yeah, I noticed, but I can handle a few more. Alright, birdbrain, let’s ask the orb. Who has the greatest firepower in Gensokyo that isn’t Utsuho Reiuji?”

“Unyu? That’s what I’m asking yo- oh, you’re asking the orb.” Okuu interrupted, then stopped.

“The Ordinary Black Magician, Marisa Kirisame” lit up against the ceiling. Marisa standing to the side looked smug, and gave the projector a whoop. Kasen scratched her cheek at the title Marisa had. There was NOTHING ordinary about Marisa.

An absolute fireworks show began, from her challenging Okuu to a ‘nuke off’, the illusion just turning into a blue shockwave that was too large to fit inside the tent. Okuu just nodded. “I’d forgotten about that…”

Other memories showed, a few times Marisa bracing both arms together as she called out “Final Spark!” instead, using all of her magic at once.

Again. And again. And again.

Kasen counted… it seemed like craters were left in EVERY.SINGLE.INCIDENT that Marisa so much as taken part in. Once, a squirrel startled her in the Forest of Magic, and a forest fire had started as a result of the crater.

I am definitely lecturing her on restraint later.

The most impressive was an image against Flandre, creating a creator and large rift within the stonework of the Scarlet Devil Mansion itself. Inside a laughing psychotic vampire with three clones standing very crispy in the middle. The clones faded to ash as the real one collapsed, still smoldering.

Okuu seemed excited, pointing at Marisa. “We have to have a round! Come on! Come on! Fight me!”

Marisa just adjusted her hat, and pointed at the stands, still there and still fuming, Patchouli staring daggers at her. “You’ll have to get in line.”

Okuu tilted her head. “Unyu? I don’t mind fighting both of you.”

However, a kick from Reimu sent Okuu flying back into the stands instead of standing in the middle of the tent. “Turn’s over!” She then readdressed the crowd. “Alright, I had a couple of questions… messed with. I’m going to re-answer them. Most beautiful spell card obviously wasn’t Remilia’s. And it’d go against my love of danmaku if I leave that one unanswered!”

A flash of light, and the name sprawled across the ceiling “Ghost Girl in the Netherworld Tower, Yuyuko Saigyouji.” Yuyuko gave a friendly wave.

Kasen hadn’t been in Gensokyo during the cherry blossom incident. She’d been looking for her arm, and hearing about it afterwards made her curse leaving. Yuyuko was Yukari’s longest (and probably only) friend, meaning Yukari let the incident get way, way out of hand. It had nearly destroyed Gensokyo. When Kasen tried chewing out Okina for not doing anything either, she’d brushed it off, and stated with her control of life energy, she’d just remake Gensokyo if it was destroyed from within. She only cared about external threats. Okina then some spiel about it not yet being her time.

However, the one thing Kasen hadn’t heard about, was the sheer beauty of “Resurrection Butterfly -80% Reflowering”. It was a spell card like none other. Orbs and lasers flew across the illusory and battered Reimu, barely escaping each time in a seemingly never ending stream, no tag or needle dealing any damage to Yuyuko, or the tree. Reimu seemed to run out, but the cherry blossoms started to run out, the tree starting to wither from the intensity of its own attacks.

As she watched the awe inspiring display, the Prism River Sisters decided it was an emotional enough time to play, and chose a very good song for it. *3

Reimu was barely holding it together by the end, but the tree finally gave out, all the cherry blossoms falling off at once.

Kasen found a tear streaming down her eyes at the sight. Next to her, even Jo’on seemed moved. Tewi, however, looked bored.

Below in the stands, Youmu proudly pointed to her master, while Yuyuko just waved off compliments. Yuuma suddenly stood up, and pointed, issuing a duel challenge. Yuyuko brushed that off as well, and pointed to the already building and promised fight of Marisa, Patchouli, and Okuu. Yuuma sat back down, hunched, seriously considering it.

Reimu smiled, drinking in the moment. “Hey, Kasen.” She pointed. “I miss any messed with questions? You hermits can remember everything since you were born, right?”

Kasen smiled, just happy to be relied on. “We can, but that takes time. That said, I believe they also asked poorly about being the "laziest in Gensokyo." I have an idea who it would be.”

Jo’on raised an eyebrow. “Willing to bet money on it?”

Tewi, however, spoke up. “I’m in!”

Kasen shrugged. “Komachi, though a bit broke right now.”

“You know my guess.” Jo’on said, Byakuren, crossing her arms in front.

Tewi smiled. “I bet you’re both wrong!”

Below, Reimu didn’t seem to care, the question not about danmaku, and not getting her money. But sighing, she began to caress the orb once more.

Tewi won.

“The Vampire's Destructive Little Sister, Flandre Scarlet.”

Both Jo’on and Kasen gave a shocked ‘huh’, while a relieved sigh came from Byakuren. Tewi shrugged. “Not hard to guess it’s someone else. Komachi HAS a job, Byakuren runs the temple and helps with incidents, and Mei Ling is always at her post. Plus, didn’t Flandre stay in a basement for, like, 500 years? You’re both broke though… so, I got another idea.”

Kasen facepalmed. A deal with a devil… Tewi just leaned and whispered in her ear. “You have to pick someone for me to prank.”

She gave a similar whisper to Jo’on, though she couldn’t hear it.

Below, the orb went off. The initial scene showed Flandre’s current condition, asleep in her bed with a proud look on her face. Notably, a hole was in the ceiling, and Remilia could be seen crumbled on the floor and twitching, but Flandre didn’t even wake up. Kasen had to give Reimu props for accuracy, even if a bit too bloodthirsty about it.

The scene transitioned, the lights from the orb showed the mansion shaking from a shockwave, with Sakua coming in. “Someone’s stealing spring, I’m going to investigate, Mistress, would you be interested?”
“Nah.”

“Someone is forcing parties, I’m going to investigate, Mistress, would you be interested?”
“Nah.”

“Someone seems to have stolen the entire moon, I’m going to investigate, Mistress, would you be interested?”
“Nah.”

“Someone is threatening to destroy Gensokyo with an earthquake, I’m going to investigate, Mistress, would you be interested?”
“Nah.”

“It seems someone’s possessing my knives, they seem powerful, I’m going to investigate, Mistress, would you be interested?”
“Oh cool, Lævateinn seems possessed too. It makes tea parties more fun. Tell them hi for me!”

“It seems Patchouli wants me to investigate someone siphoning souls into cards. I’m going to investigate, Mistress, would you be interested?”
“Nah.”

The scene ended.

Reimu cocked her head, and shrugged. “Well, uh, there you have it? Let’s take a break. Shion, Jo’on, you two have actually been helpful, you two get the next question after.”

A squee came from Shion, who, predictably, started to cry. Jo’on cheered with a fist pump. However, the ball of darkness stood up. “What about my question!?”

Reimu blinked. “Oh, huh. Eh, Rumia, I’m at my limit..”

“Is that so?” Rumia responded blankly.

Reimu groaned. “Fine… just… just ask. I’m sure it’s stupid anyways, shouldn’t take long.”

The orb of darkness burst like a bubble, Rumia appearing as she ran up with her arms out to the side. She dropped a few coins, and pointed at her ribbon. “What’s this thing? I can’t take it off.”

Reimu moved to put her hands on the orb, but a sharp, “Don’t,” came from the stands. Patchouli of all people slammed her book shut, and sighed as she began to descend from the stands. Slowly. Very slowly.

“You don’t want to overuse that orb, right? I can answer that one. Back in the Scarlet Mist Incident, Remi was trying to impress the other vampires in Gensokyo, and decided the Mist would be the best way to do that. She needed the power to block out the sun. How to do that was a problem. Myself and Remi had an ongoing bet of who could actually find a solution. Disappointed to say, neither of us did. Instead, the solution came in, chomping on Mei Ling’s arm, who ran into the Foyer screaming and trying to shake Rumia off.

After reattaching Mei Ling’s arm, we found no light could penetrate her darkness, she was perfect. Putting her in a magica-... and I lost both you and Rumia haven’t I?” A blank stare came from both Reimu and Rumia. Patchouli sighed. “We used big magic. Big magic take too much. We’re not monsters. Rumia might have faded away. Put on ribbon. Rumia no fade away, can recover. Yes?”

Reimu reached for her purifying rod to smack Patchouli on the head for the caveman speak, but first noticed Rumia nodding vigorously, and then noticed that a light breeze might end the magician’s life and decided for the first time in her life against violence.

Rumia then cleared her throat. “But… what's this thing? Why can’t I take it off?”

Patchouli stared at her. “Are… are you serious? I just explained it to you. Seals your power so you can recover. It’ll fall off. Eventually. Probably.”

Rumia nodded. “Is that so?”

Patchouli facepalmed, and walked back to the stands. Reimu shrugged. “Break time.”

At the entrance, a blackened and charred Tenshi walked in. She held up a finger, and opened her mouth, but only a cloud of soot came out. She fell to the ground.

Reimu shrugged, "I'm on break," and walked off to the main shrine.

Chapter Text

Sighing, Kasen looked at her medicine box, the stolen sake, and the charred and ‘pranked’ Tenshi on the ground. She gave Tewi a glare, who seemed proud of her prank. Her spirits had definitely returned.

Tewi, in response, shrugged, failing to hide her catlike smile. “Don’t blame me, I didn’t DO anything. The fact someone left Tenshi in charge of some of the most powerful and dangerous objects in Gensokyo was obviously an oversight. I gave a guestimate of how stuff worked, and it looks like I’m wrong. Can’t blame a person for being wrong, can you?”

Kasen’s glare continued. Jo’on, however, cracked up at Tenshi’s misfortune, slyly hiding her mouth with her fan. “How’d you pull that off? Aren’t you supposed to be, like, the opposite of me and sis? Doesn’t seem fortunate.”

“Fortune’s a fickle thing, isn’t it? Do you want to be part of a prank?”

Jo’on’s eyes sparked up, but Kasen cut her off. “She meant as the target, Jo’on. Besides, how do you think Marisa’s going to react when she finds out her mini-Hakkero isn’t wor… king…”

A thousand-yard stare appeared on Kasen's face. Her mind flashed back to Shion tackling Marisa earlier to break up a fight with Reimu. It had left a hex. She then remembered Okuu challenging her to a duel. “No, no, no…!”

Tewi, merely shrugged, and offered Jo’on a dango stick as Kasen leapt from the stands.

She ran down the steps before tripping over a pile of bodies. She looked down, noticing the ‘casualty’ pile included a groaning Nazrin, Tenshi, and Mamizou. Add in poor Kogasa and the four holes in the tent… Having Shion here WAS a terrible idea!

A hand reached down, offering Kasen help back up. Kasen took it, before looking up, and seeing the devil of the hour herself looking down with a pitying look. “Are you okay…? Have you been eating? I hate it when I don’t eat, and just pass out walking. Course, Jo’on gave me plenty of barely stale bread before this, I’m running at 110% right now… I feel pumped...” A dull, gravelly voice dragged every word as Shion helped Kasen up and lethargically patted her bicep. Kasen looked down to see the hex already on her bandaged arm, and cursed. She let the spirit collapse in it, her fake arm falling as a pile of bandages for the second time that day. Shaking her head, she began to sprint.

“Oh. Well, uh, good luck with whatever?” Shion called after her, still radiating misfortune.

Kasen stopped, half turning, and turning again. There was an emergency with Marisa, but Tenshi was already hurt. Kasen spun back and forth, eyeing Shion already prodding Tenshi with a finger.

She had to stop Marisa and Okuu’s fight!
She had to heal Tenshi.
She had to do too many things!!!!

As she shuffled, she could hear Patchouli and Kosuzu. “I know Viole’s much larger than my bookstore, but I bet I have some rarer stuff!” Kosuzu commented.

Kasen shook her head, and decided. She didn’t like the answer, but, unlike Mamizou, Flandre or Aun, she couldn’t be in two places at once. Well, she could, and technically was right now, but her evil half DEFINITELY would make the situation worse. “Screw it. Shion, catch!” Against her better judgement, she tossed Shion the stolen sake and her medicine box. I also definitely shouldn’t return that sake bottle to Yukari. Shouldn’t… Shouldn’t. We’ll see how much of a pain she is next sage meeting.

Amazingly, though lethargic, Shion managed to catch both, cocking her head in confusion. “Huh… I caught it. Lucky.”

“Fill that box with the sake, and give it to Tenshi. It’s magic. Just enough so she can sit up. Do NOT give ANY to Mamizou.” Tenshi being too oni-fied from my medicine box is the LAST thing we need. Then again, she might actually be more tolerable that way.

Shion still looked confused, but shrugged, “I wonder if this is good sake… When was the last time I managed to find sake that hadn’t gone bad? I think it was that celestial banquet. Oh, right, Tenshi…. Thanks, hermit.”

Kasen made it just as Marisa wrapped her arm around Okuu’s shoulder and pointed to the outside.

“Marisa! You can’t fight Okuu!” Kasen barked.

Marisa blinked. “Sure I can? Done it before. But ouch. Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

Kasen shook her head. “Look, bad things’ll happen if you do. I know you’re stronger-”

“No, you don’t,” Okuu said, stomping her lead-lined foot, “that’s why we’re going to fight.”

Kasen groaned. “Okuu, just… just go home. Don’t you have to look after the reactor?”

Okuu smiled. “Koishi’s got it! I even left it running and everything. My master’s sister’s so dependable.”

Kasen felt a heart palpitation, and wondered for a moment if this is what had done in Kanako earlier… Koishi was a Satori with a closed eye, meaning she’d closed herself off to conscience thought, living and reading others' subconscious. That alone put Gensoko and the underground in danger. The chance of Koishi having just wandered off and forgotten about having volunteered was nonzero. Hell, the chance of Koishi being unnoticed in the crowd right here and now was also nonzero.

Well… Kasen did hate lies. “Someone was messing with your control rod earlier. You wouldn’t want to have a meltdown in a danmaku fight, would you, Okuu?”

Despite that, a look of joy flickered over the Hell Raven’s face. “Oh no… I might not be able to control myself? Going nuclear? Losing all control? A giant explosion!? That, uh, that would, err… be terrible. So, uh, let’s do that fight, Marisa! I’ll be real careful, I promise!”

Kasen opened her mouth to say the mini-Hakkero was also messed with, but then a pitying look went down at Shion administering to Tenshi with the celestial’s head in Shion’s lap, and Kasen just couldn’t say it. An angry Marisa was nearly more nuclear than Okuu. She gulped, a thousand thoughts going through just how to manipulate things for Marisa’s benefit. Marisa just gave devilish smile at Okuu’s threat and shrugged, trying to march off.

Kasen looked pleadingly around. Tewi watched with interest, unhelpfully. Jo’on looked confused, unsure if she should do something. Eyeing the room, the only thing that came to mind was the orb. And Reimu was on break-

Kasen turned away from Marisa and Okuu, quickly darting away from the two. Sorry Marisa, but it’s for your own good.

Kasen ran up to Reimu’s fortune teller’s stand and put her remaining hand on it, instantly wincing at the heat. She focused her power into it, and instantly felt a massive drain. How on earth had Reimu been doing this ALL afternoon!? No wonder she told Rumia that she was spent!? Still, Kasen could handle a single question.

All around her, the crowd started to notice. Jo’on stood up, not sure if she should stop it or not with Reimu away. Marisa seemed the most confused. “Uh… earth to Kasen? Reimu’s deeeefinitely going to bite your head off if you steal a free question.”

“Hey, hey, you’re doing it wrong. You’re not wearing that funny clothing Reimu was!” Cirno yelled from the front.

Kasen ignored it and focused her question.“Who possesses the most rare books in Gensokyo?”

Marisa, you had better be just as terrible a thief as I think you are.

The crowd came alive, excitement to see someone OTHER than Reimu touching it.. “I thought we were on break? Wait, the hermit’s doing one? Yeah!” A few people wondered out loud if they could try. Patchouli and Miko were probably the only two in the crowd otherwise who could. Kasen flinched at the effort as it drained her vitality. This orb sucked more and more away.

Kosuzu and Patchouli seemed the most surprised as Kasen stole their question.

“The Ordinary Black Magician, Marisa Kirisame” lit up against the ceiling. Marisa looked confused as she pointed at herself. Slowly, Kasen could see the realization dawn on her face through the projected image, her eyebrows crawling upwards. An ‘oh crap’ expression settled as she realized what Kasen was doing, her head slowly turning towards Patchouli with an open mouth.

In the stands, Tewi finally gave a reaction, gripping her sides in laughter again.

The screen lit up with Marisa making various robberies from Viole, going for the rarest books. Again and again, she looked at a master index at the front of the library, finding spells titled ‘evocation’. In the background, Koakuma could be seen tied up and giving muffled protests to a gag in her mouth. She flickered around various positions as dozens of different instances were shown. It was a regular occurrence, her protest dying down with each passing scene. Eventually, she was humming relaxed as a book hung in front of her from a rope, the librarian changing pages with her tail (still hogtied), while Marisa robbed them.

Various other thieveries showed up, Kasen shocked to find Marisa even finding her hidden library in one frame. It seemed like no one was safe! Thankfully, only Tenshi and Marisa knew what her house looked like, so no one else could see it was her house. She breathed a sigh of relief. Until she heard Mokou. “Who has THAT many sweets in a library? The mountain hermit?” A rather guilty look passed Kasen’s face. That was what outed her library!?

A ‘THWACK’ echoed as Patchoul closed her tome, teleporting it away, and motioned for Koakuma to follow her as she descended the stands. Slow and deliberate, every sickly step was somehow regal.

Marisa gave a playful smile, though with a nervous gulp and drops of sweat. “So, wanting a danmaku fight too, Patchi? Think, uh, think Okuu called… dibs?”

Patchouli didn’t even correct her on the nickname, despite only allowing Remilia to call her that. It looked like she was walking past Marisa, only to grab her by the ear, yanking her away, dragging her to the outside with an ‘ow, ow, ow’ echoing with each step.

Okuu stomped her foot. “But it was my turn!”

Kasen panted, that one question draining her. She pointed across the room. “Hey… Cirno. You know Okuu was excluded from that ‘who has the most firepower’ question, right? She might be the strongest in Gensokyo if you want to fight her!”

Cirno held her hands in a cross. At the same time Okuu did similarly. “Nuh-uh!” Both said in unison. Kasen tilted her head trying to remember if they’d ever fought. *1

“I, er, I’m already the strongerest. I, uh, *gulp* don’t need, to… fight Okuu to prove it?” Cirno said with actual hesitation and fear in her voice. Kasen had never seen Cirno scared in her life.

Okuu was much more direct. “She sucks. Find me someone stronger!”

“Hey! I do not! Strongerest! I beat a sage. I beat a sage! So I’m already the best. Sages are the best in Gensokyo, right?”

Kasen blinked. Wait. Beat a sage… beat a sage? Which one? It sure as heck wasn’t her. She cocked her head to one side, then paused. Kasen’s eyes lit up. A small chuckle began in her throat, before turning to a full laugh, Kasen’s head hitting the table as it grew and grew.

Clownpiece next to her rubbed her cheek. “Didn’t that Okina lady then beat up all of us?”

“Shut up! You all got in my way!”

Kasen had tears in her eyes. Oh, oh! Okina hadn’t mentioned THAT in her sage meeting. She was not going to let Okina live that down. Nevermind everything bad she had thought about this fortune fair, today was great!

“Forsooth, the madness fairy must be affecting our comrade. I shall hitherto take care of this problem.” Futo rose helpfully from the stands.

“Wait, what?” Clownpiece asked.

The sound of a plate crashing echoed in the distance. When Kasen raised her head, she found Clownpiece unconscious in a surprised Cirno’s hands, reenacting La Pietà Statue.

“W-wha? Hey, hey, plate lady! You’re on! Dai, take care of Clownpiece. Or get a doctor or something!” Cirno dropped Clownpiece on the floor (Kasen noting that a bump against her head was definitely more Cirno’s fault than Futo’s), before Cirno dive bombed Futo.

Shards of ice exploded outwards like a bomb, and Kasen blinked her eyes in surprise. She HAS gotten better. Actually, huh… when she’s serious, I’d put her about Aya’s level, and that’s a serious compliment.

Chunks of ice and cool mist spread as Futo rolled out of the sudden cage of ice, before throwing two plates at Cirno. Cirno held out her palm, the plates froze mid air, and fell to the ground, an icy glare in her eyes. It almost made the fairy look like a credible threat.

However, this time, a wall of earth suddenly rose as Tenshi managed to stumble forward. It seemed the medicine had been effective, but she was still pushing herself. Shion hovered worried over her shoulder. Tenshi had her sword unsheathed. “Hey, hey, take it outside! I don’t care what you do there! You’re making me WORK and it’s making me angry!”

Both Cirno and Futo glanced at each other, then without saying a word nodded. A moment later they both tackled each other outside, the sounds shattering glass and plates joining in with the witch’s Walpurgisnacht outside.

I’m sure Marisa will forgive me… eventually. I don’t know why Cirno and Okuu didn’t want to fight, though. I need someone to catch Okuu’s attention. I was hoping Cirno would lose so quickly that Okuu couldn’t release too much power and destroy the shrine. I DON’T want Okuu joining in on Patchouli’s vengeance. Patchouli can at least hold back and likes Marisa despite being robbed on a biweekly basis. Need someone else to fill in.

Her eyes scanned the room before she saw someone that definitely could provide a challenge AND deal with the fallout.

She yelled up to Jo’on. “Hey, Jo’on, get Yuuma her spork. Consider… consider it an emergency.” She only knew about Yuuma because Okina had spent literally an hour in the sage meeting bragging about the black water incident.

Jo’on snarled. “Oh please, I’m barely working for Reimu right now. Why would I take orders from-”

Kasen pointed at her nose, and the guilt trip instantly shut up Jo’on, who walked off mumbling, going off to get the ridiculous weapon.

Even if they are dumb enough to fight next to the shrine, Yuuma should be able to just eat all the attacks.

Yuuma cocked her head, still in a Slavic squat. “And what do you think you’re giving me my weapon for? I’m not getting involved in your idiotic fights. Crow wouldn’t be filling right now.”

Kasen motioned for Yuuma to come with her, walking to a corner of the stands. To her surprise, Yuuma did actually get up, grumbling, “This had better be good.”

Kasen started, "You know that the idiot left someone else in charge of the Reactor. Wouldn’t it be bad for the blood pools if the reactor had a meltdown? Okuu’s a savant, but probably doesn’t realize managing that thing isn’t as easy for everyone else as it is for her.”

Yuuma groaned. “Shit… I left Chiyari down there. Also my stuff. Gah. Still, I’m going to be missing a heck of a show if I do that. Okuu would take a while to fight. Tch, I ain’t been as strong since that wonderful, terrible little vampirette blew my guts out.” Kasen raised her eyebrow at the phrasing of that, Yuugi being a terrible influence for dirty jokes. Yuuma growled. “But first things first, who the hell are you to try to order me around? Do you know who I am? You’re acting awfully important. What, you a dumpling salesman or something?” Yuuma motioned at Kasen’s buns.

Kasen gave a heavy breath. “I’d like to be thought of as just a hermit, trying to guide people to a better path. I appreciate you are a matron of a clan, and a position of power. You’re also the most likely one to mitigate damage. Shion’s the only other person who could probably just tank all of Okuu’s explosions rather than dodging, but a victory through bad luck could spell the end of Gensokyo.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t answer my questions. I’ve put up with Yachie’s bullshit way too long to be caught by an answer like that. You’d ‘like’ to be thought of as a hermit. Who the hell are you? You act like I’ll care.” Yuuma was proving to be perceptive despite her attitude.

Kasen gulped. “Fine. I really need this, so I’d appreciate it if you’d keep it quiet. I’m one of the Sages. Like Okina…. Unfortunately. Keeping peace in Gensokyo is one of my duties. Normally I’m in charge of the animals and nature, ensuring the environment is habitable, though I do meddle quite a lot admittedly.”

A loud “THAT BASTARD!” came at Okina’s name. But as Jo’on awkwardly approached with the spork, struggling to lift it, Yuuma snatched it like it weighed nothing and glared at Kasen. “You owe me. Don’t expect that to ever work again, or you’re next. I’m doing this because I don’t want to find a new place to live.” She stomped off and turned to Okuu and pointed at her with her ridiculous weapon. “You, me, we’re doing this.”

Okuu cocked her head. “Who are you?”

“I’m LITERALLY your neighbor. Move it.” She thrust it at Okuu to threaten her, though Okuu caught it barehanded. Okuu, however, seemed interested as a smile raised on her face.

Kasen sighed as she made her way back up to her seat.

“Hey, you dropped this.” Tewi was suddenly by Kasen’s side, offering her bandages and medicine box. Kasen did a double take. Tewi had JUST been in her seat. She blinked again in surprise as she saw Shion’s hexes on both gone. Tewi leaned in, “I’ll help you out. That was a pretty good prank on Marisa! But, don’t think that counts for our little bet. You still owe picking me a target!”

Kasen sighed. “Wouldn’t dream of skipping that...” I wonder if Tewi’s ever met Okina. I’m not sure I actually care which way that prank attempt goes. Picking Yukari would probably lead to a prank war across all of Gensokyo though, and after today, I’m tempted.

Kasen wanted to rest, but let out a long aggravated breath as she meditated once more, a bird flocking and landing on her head. Kasen gave it a command, and tied a message to its leg, insurance in case Okuu somehow won against Yuuma. Only a few other people were probably smart enough to operate that reactor other than Okuu, and it wasn’t Koishi. Yukari, who moved to her own whim; Kanako, who was resting at her shrine thanks to the ‘excitement’ of the event; and the kappa, who were too meddling to be controlled and would probably try to ‘enhance’ it. Where was Nitori anyway? Still, of the options, asking Kanako to oversee it temporarily was probably the best bet.

It took several minutes before Reimu returned. It was time Kasen was glad to have. Though it wasn’t exactly a peaceful rest, as several battles were raging in the distance, growing more and more violent. Kasen wondered briefly if they were following spell care regulations. Reimu had Aun by her side… Two Auns in fact, a pair of divine beasts. It looked adorable, but Kasen noted Reimu was leaning an awful lot on them, and remembered the drain of the orb on herself. Reimu, you need to wrap it up. I don’t care how lucrative this is. If both sides of Aun are here, you must be in trouble she hates showing up together.

Reimu made it to her table with a half made and half eaten rice ball haphazardly put together. She looked at the crowd. “Alright, what did I miss? And why are there several danmaku fights outside my house? Anyone who damages it is paying the cost of repairs.” She put the riceball on the table, and cracked her knuckles to make a point, one of the Auns cutely holding her by the back so she could stand straighter.

Kasen looked around, and realized others had decided to fight as well, blood boiling from the fair. She’d seen Yuuma and Okuu leave. As well as Cirno and Futo. And Marisa, Patchouli, and Koakuma as a group. It took her a minute to realize the foodcarts were bare, leaving Mystia, Ringo and Seiran as well. The gambler from earlier was yelling out bets with a pleased look, Shinmyoumaru trying to yell as well, sitting on a literal throne of money. Kasen instinctively flinched and covered her eye as she looked at the inching. *2

From the entrance, a battered Miko shuffled in, Byakuren nowhere in sight. A moment later, Tenshi walked in, carrying an equally battered Futo and Cirno by the scruffs of their necks. Danmaku battles, at least, were mostly more tiring than dangerous. Unless someone like Marisa or Okuu was involved.

Shinmyoumaru pointed at the two from the gambling table, holding her hand out like she had her needle, though her hand was empty. “Who won!?”

Tenshi rolled her eyes. “Tie.”

Shinmyoumaru cheered, dancing in her bowl once more.

As Miko returned to her seat, Kasen realized just how lucky she JUST was. Miko could have overheard her declaring herself a sage to Yuuma, no matter how quiet she had whispered it! Futo was tossed next to Miko by a swearing Tenshi like a sack of potatoes.

Reimu began anew. “Alright! Jo’on. Shion. You two have actually been helpful, get on with your question.”

“Finally, sis! I was starting to think she’d totally forgotten us! Hey, delinquent, take over for a bit.” Jo’on Yorigami yelled out as she stood up. Kasen moved her legs so she could make her way past. Tewi, meanwhile, picked her pocket, and disappointedly stared at the pocket lint she’d successfully pilfered.

Tenshi objected. “TENSHI! At least call me celestial. This is why I like your sister better. Fight me!” Tenshi, who would remember no one else’s name, but seemed offended at her own being forgotten.

The most hated, absolute disastrous pair made their way to the table, Jo’on fanning herself as her hips swayed, Shion floating behind her like a ghost, eyes half lidded.

As they presented themselves, Shion slowly landed on her feet, and started her question. “Hey, did I miss any knives on that maid earl-” Jo’on slapped her in the back of the head with her fan. “Oh… oh yeah, right. Sorry.”

From the stands, Sakuya stood, and bowed, before helpfully responding, “Yes, several by the way.” The Scarlet Devil Mansion crew, once mighty and strong, had been reduced to only Sakuya, who seemed lost without her mistress.

Shion’s eyes shifted downwards. Another smack and she stirred. “Oh. Right. Yeah. Uh, people always call us the most disastrous pair. Uh, who’s actually the most evil person in Gensokyo?”

Kasen flinched. That question was not good. Not good at all. Her arm was in Gensokyo! The kill count on it alone could literally bury a person in bones. She did not need that coming up! She looked pleadingly at Reimu. Who… didn’t notice, beginning to rub the orb once more as it glowed.

As Kasen stood to object, Tewi grabbed the back of her neck. “Relax. I’m here. And I’m lucky. Hey, maybe I’ll get to show up on that orb again! I’ve been pretty bad lately if I do say so!”
That did not calm Kasen’s fears. But acting out would draw more attention, so Kasen gulped instead, and sat down. If she saw her name, at all, start on the ceiling, she would act. Meanwhile, she was setting a new speed record for resetting her fake arm. Again.

Various others began to make their guesses.

Mokou yelled out “Kaguya” playfully, who pretended likewise to be absolutely offended with a hand to her chest.

Cirno, as she was dragged past the table by Tenshi, yelled out “Reimu”, earning her a hateful glare. She stuck out her tongue, only to have a needle pierce the ground next to her head. Cirno, however, didn’t notice. Reimu looked at her, then massaged her temple.

A collective exhale came from the Taoist group, before Futo stirred, nursing a welt on her head as she sat up.“Verily, tis Seiga. Entertaining as she be, surely the blackest coal shimmers akin to a rainbow next to her wicked heart.” Agreement came from Tojika and Miko with a simple nod.

“Seija!” came another guess from Aya at the entrance, returning with a staggering step from Tewi’s earlier prank with the poisoned dango. Kasen wondered about the dango Jo’on had taken earlier from Tewi, but shrugged. Tragically, she and Shion probably had built up a resistance to bad food.

“Yukari.” Came from Tenshi as she dropped off Cirno with Daiyousei, the celestial still sulking. Tenshi then noticed the downed Clownpiece, and clicked her tongue as she struggled and picked up the body over her shoulder to put with the others. Daiyousei helpfully followed, trying her best to assist. Kasen scratched her chin. Yukari as a guess was actually a pretty good one and might outdo even Kasen’s evil side.

As Reimu continued to rub the glowing orb, blue light filled the room.

“The Unreasonable and Unjust Hermit, Seiga Kaku.”

The light began to fill out Seiga’s form. Kasen cocked her head looking at the odd position. Seiga was hunched over, looking through what looked like a periscope. Seiga looked just as surprised, cocking her head in a likewise position.

The illusion began to shift, showing the answer. In a Christmas outfit, Seiga stealing gifts through the village could be seen, as well as attaching ransom notes. Kasen tutted reflexively, her lecture mode wanting to fire. Then it showed Seiga laughing as she placed a bamboo rod into a casket, and running as a family came in crying, the bamboo shifting in shape to her form as a fake corpse. Absolutely no remorse in her face as she faked her own death. It showed Seiga in Eiki’s office, before quietly sneaking away while Eiki rubbed the bridge of her nose, literally escaping death. Another scene unveiled of a kishin chasing Seiga, leading it into a village as if flooded with water from its assault. Bodies floated past facedown, while Seiga drifted lazily down stream looking completely fine, even a smile on her face. Yet another scene flickered past, showing Seiga covered in dirt entering a graveyard, and squealing as she opened a casket.

Miko gulped from the stands before standing and walking up to the stand, snatching the orb by pulling the blanket it was on, ending the scene. “Uh, there are children and fairies present. I can… I can guess where that was going.”

Reimu turned a bright red. “At least tell me that it was Yoshika. Still bad, but… Yoshika is… sentient?” Miko shook her head.

Meanwhile, Koakuma, shockingly, was the one dragging in Marisa and Patchouli, and putting them on the pile of bodies. “Hey guys, what did I miss… guys? Also, I think we need a medic?”

Everyone ignored her, until Reimu did a double take to see the losers.“How on earth did you win against Marisa? Also, please hurry up, I don’t need that last image in my head.”

Koakuma seemed happy to be praised, clapping her hands together. “So, I noticed Master Patchouli is generally stronger, but whenever she starts to overpower Marisa, Marisa goes for a cheap shot… like stealing my master’s inhaler. So, I waited till she did it!”

Reimu nodded, interested, and nodded her head. “So… how’d you win?”

“I replaced the canister with a bomb. Reeeeeally need that medic.”

A silence followed. A dry “What?” came from Reimu. A moment later, she panicked, standing up from the table.“Is Marisa alright?!”

“Probably not? Also, neither is my master. She passed out because of the asthma attack, I was hoping we had a doctor?”

Before anyone could say anything, an annoyed huff came from the stands, and then the sound of a pocket watch ticking. Reisen was mid-motion of selling a vial too when she popped up. She groaned and stomped the ground. “Oh, come on, guys! I was JUST here!”

Tewi laughed into her hand at her companion’s appearance. “Should’ve just skipped work, Reisen! I told you to. I always give the best advice!” Kasen, at this point, had learned not to comment.

Reisen, however, looked up. “Oh good, Tewi, you’re still here, I need help, and even if she was here, Kaguya’s usel-, oh hello there Miss Kaguya, didn’t see you there. Now, Tewi!” Tewi’s good mood soured as she didn’t dart away like she had all afternoon, but trudged down, as slowly as possible, down the stairs. Mokou laughed at the insult to Kaguya. Kaguya hid her face behind her sleeve, but had the most ‘wait until we got home’ expression Kasen had ever seen. Kasen decided to offer Reisen to stay the night then and there.

Meanwhile, Kasen folded herself into the same meditative stance as always to help her think. Something wasn’t right. That position Seiga had been in on the projection wasn’t natural. She opened her eyes with a certainty, and stood. She walked down from the stands and motioned for ‘security’. Before they could arrive, she placed her hand on the ground, sending out a pulse of energy, sensing the animals she could control in the area.

She picked out a mole hibernating and sent a message to it. Sleepily, it began to unburrow, and Kasen petted it as she pressed into it a quick command. It complained to her about being woken up, but as she scratched under its cheek, its foot thudded, and it seemed happy enough, and burrowed away with its task.

Tenshi, Shion, and Jo’on made their way over, Jo’on acting as the voice. “We’re mid question, hermit, though being cleared of being evil is putting me in a great mood.”

No one cleared you of being evil. You’re just not the worst, but, to be fair, you never were in the running. Kasen eyed as the mole reappeared, chittering and pointing to a small glint on the ground. It had found something! “Everyone has to pay to get in, right? What would you say to a freeloader?”

Jo’on cracked her knuckles. Shion looked blankly until she saw the motion, panicked, and tried to mimic it. Kasen took that as a good sign, and pointed to the glint from earlier. “Tenshi, mind making the earth raise there?”

Tenshi rolled her head back and laughed, her body still trembling. “You need the great me just to move some earth? Oh please, in my sleep. Why all three of us? I could handle it.”

“Because Seiga probably will try to escape otherwise.” Kasen answered simply. Kasen watched their expressions. Tenshi was still smug at being asked for help. Jo’on and Shion, however, lit up. You two need Seiga for something, don’t you? Still scheming, and still not that smart.

Tenshi didn’t even wait for further instructions, walking over to the glint from behind, and impaling her sword in the ground. A surprised “HYEEE!” echoed before the earth exploded upwards. The blade had missed Seiga by a hair’s breadth. The wicked hermit looked up from her hole, waving. “Why, hello there. I hope you don’t mind if I don’t stay-” She grabbed her hairpin to make a new hole and try to escape.

Jo’on was on her in an instant, leaping down the hole, and grabbing Seiga by her scarf and flinging her in the air. In Gensokyo though, that mattered little. Seiga just floated instead of landing.

Shion, however, got her in a full nelson from behind. For as emaciated as the poverty goddess was, she was surprisingly strong and resilient.

Reimu stood up again, pointing at Seiga as the two Aun’s instantly squared up, growling next to her. Reimu punched her fist into her palm, a fire in her eyes. “No entrance fee, NO ENTRANCE!”

Seiga sighed. “I just can’t get away with anything today, can I? And I even have that wicked orb calling me mean things, such as the most ‘wicked person in Gensokyo’. I have feelings too, you know. Fine, fine. Shion, was it? Would you be a dear and let go so I can grab my purse?”

Jo’on, however, put her hands on her hips. “Sorry, but confiscating this first. No magic items, no exceptions!” She grabbed Seiga’s hairpin. Kasen put her medicine box behind her back, looking elsewhere. Seiga exhaled, though Kasen could swear she saw the tracest hints of a smile, then, as she was let go, reached into her purse, and handed the fee to Jo’on. Jo’on ran to the donation box with a triumphant leap, and slammed it inside.

Reimu glared. “That’s the only box I have. Don’t break it.”

Jo’on blinked. “Doesn’t this shrine blow up all the time? This doesn’t work out, mean and Shion were planning on running a construction company and just booking you and the Scarlet Devil Mansion exclusively.”

Reimu’s glare turned to Tenshi at the mention of the shrine blowing up. “Don’t.Remind.Me.” She hissed.

Sakuya tutted at the dig at the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

Tenshi shrugged. “I only destroyed it twice. Didn’t someone else do it recently too? See, I’m not alone. It should have been made properly. If a real celestial had made it, it would still be standing.” She put her hands on her hips, laughing manically.

“The second time was AFTER you rebuilt it the firs- … You know what. Forget it. Shion, ask your question before I kill your girlfriend.”

Both Shion and Tenshi jumped. “Girlfriend?!” They said in unison.

“Please don’t kill Tenshi! I don’t have many friends!” Shion sobbed as if Reimu was serious. Reimu just facepalmed, before Shion floated forward grabbing Reimu’s collar and shaking her, sobbing more emphatically. Normally, Reimu was so poor, she was basically immune to Shion, she almost could be a devotee of the poverty god. Both her and Mokou. But Kasen noted the hexes sticking…

“I was joking, I was joking. Let go, you poverty god.” Reimu yelled.

“Don’t call me thaaaaat!” Shion sobbed harder, before Reimu wacked her with the purification rod, Shion letting go while nursing a welt. A few more sobs echoed. “Uh… uh. Jo’on, what was my question?”

Jo’on rubbed the bridge of her nose, and yanked Shion away. “It’s my question, goober. Hey, Reimu, we’re learning from the best. Who's the most successful business person in Gensokyo?”

Reimu groaned, but rubbed the crystal ball. Reimu knew instinctively it wasn’t her, so she didn’t care if it caused some incident. As she continued though, Reimu realized the question actually interested her too, her hands moving much more passionately. She could interrogate them! “Who’s the most successful business person in Gensokyo?”

On the ceiling, a name revealed itself. “God of Gensokyo's Markets, Chimata Tenkyuu.”

Kasen’s eyes bulged. Since when had Gensokyo had a God of Markets?! Yukari said she’d have a meeting about recent incidents, and something about Chimata, but had then cancelled. Repeatedly. Okina didn’t care about most incidents to begin with. That… or something had embarrassed BOTH of them, and they didn’t want to look bad, so they hadn’t mentioned it.

Chimata, however, seemed pleased, standing for the orb, making a dollar symbol in a strange pose that projected for everyone. Despite the goofiness Kasen noted something sinister about her smile. Like a receding coastline before a tsunami, something much larger than she let on. But she couldn’t figure out what.

The answer to the question didn’t start the way Kasen would expect for the ‘most successful’ business people. Chimata becoming spirited away, as she appeared atop Yokai mountain in a pathetic heap. She wore tattered rags, the rainbow across her body faded, and panting for breath, her body translucent and fading. A forgotten god with no faith. If she had dissipated right then and there, she wouldn’t have been the first, and she was hovering across the border. Footsteps on the mountain echoed as a tube fox noticed her, and smiled before running to her side.

Transaction after transaction appeared, Chimata standing up a little straighter as markets opened in her name. Her dull outfit sharpened; colorful rainbows growing stronger and stronger. Her smile grew, as did the power behind her eyes, as she made deals with the Tengu leaders. Her market grew out of control, and she met with a centipede yokai, and a magatama craftsman. Cards began to circulate.

Kasen facepalmed. Amidst the cards, both Yukari and Okina’s likeness were seen, and she could feel their power within them. THAT would explain them not filling Kasen in on the ability cards or the incident. Certain sages were embarrassed that their powers were replicated. Wait… Why wasn’t Kasen?! She almost felt insulted. *3

One thing stayed consistent in Chimata’s growth though. Kasen finally put a finger on what was strange about her eyes. She recognized a hunger, coming from a desperation to not disappear. Even after gaining her strength back, that look never waned. If anything, it grew more desperate the stronger Chimata became.

Kasen expected the power growth to end with Reimu hitting Chimata in the head with her purification rod. It almost was, but Marisa’s gambling addiction continued then appeared on screen, only giving the market god more strength. She looked over to see Reisen working on Marisa in the corner, Tewi grunting as the small rabbit was dragging away the pile of bodies into a more organized fashion. A cough came from Marisa who held up a thumbs up. “Worth it!” She noted at the scene as she’d collected all the ability cards.

In the projected illusion, Chimata’s powers climaxed, a pulse of energy ran across Gensokyo, affecting the entirety of it, and beasts raged before it could settle down and be tempered once more. Kasen noted Chimata had the potential to be one of the more dangerous threats to Gensokyo. Yukari and Okina needed a lecture in their next meeting. Chimata was an outside threat, that made it Okina’s responsibility specifically.

As the display ended, Jo’on and Shion nodded to each other, and waved at Reimu. “We’re taking a bit of a break. Tenshi’ll cover us! Bye, Reimu.”

Reimu’s forehead bulged. “What do you mean ‘bye’?! You two said you’d- actually, you know what, this is fine. I don’t need you two.”

Jo’on stuck out her tongue, and Reimu stood again with her purification rod raised, before stumbling, the pair of Aun’s helping her. And like that, the most disastrous pair left.

Chimata seemed in good spirits after being the answer, humming pleasantly to herself, and giving false bows to everyone in attendance.

I HAVE to send Tenshi her way in the future. It’ll either be insufferable or hilarious. Though, I wonder if she’ll be as happy to being ‘the most successful’ when she goes home after this.

She eyed the Yorigami sisters disappearing. Kasen then raised an eyebrow as she remembered Seiga’s hairpin being ‘confiscated’. No, the Yorigami sisters didn’t need her, they needed her hairpin. Chimata was definitely getting robbed…

Tenshi, meanwhile, marched up to the stands, still breathing hard. Kasen was a bit surprised that she was continuing to help after the Yorigami sisters had left. But she supposed Komachi was right when she said Tenshi was trying to be relied on more. Maybe, in her own way, Tenshi was a good person. Just insufferable. She owed Komachi money for a bet lost.

“Hey, hermit, you’re running a babysitting service for the troubled, right?”

Kasen resisted every fiber of her being, wanting to say ‘I have you regularly over, don’t I?’, and instead answered with a “How may I help, Tenshi?”

Tenshi hefted up Seiga by her sash, who clapped her hands together. “Why, hello there, Ibaraki Kasen. I think this is an excellent time for us to get to know each other a little more! One hermit to another.”

Kasen glanced down to the other hermits, seeing Miko silently pleading at her, and sighed. “I suppose so.” Wonder if there’s still a line to get blown up by Okuu? I might prefer that...

Chapter Text

Kasen sat with her legs crossed and eyes closed as an incessant humming from Seiga was slowly driving her insane. The tune paused for a moment. “You know, you don’t have to be in that stance all the time to pretend to be a good hermit.”

Kasen gave an exasperated breath. “It helps calm me.”

“Yes, but it's a bad habit. When you meditate, you should devote your entire being to it. It should be such that every time you take that stance, it’s as if you leave this world for a time. If you take that stance only when you’re stressed, you teach your body to feel stress when you undertake it. Heeheehee. You’re so cute, it’s like when Miko started, she was such a goody two shoes. You know how long it took to teach her how to be scheming?” Kasen grunted in annoyance, but it only drew another lecture. “Now, now. Don’t you have a reputation for being adept at lecturing? Just think of it as advice from a senior hermit. I’ve been around much longer. You’ll never get to heaven with bad habits like that. I’m sure I could help.”

“Aren’t you already rejected from heaven for being too wicked?” Kasen shot back, motioning to the sphere that had just played her wicked deeds.

Seiga, however, didn’t miss a beat. “Yup, but that’s alright with me. I just want a few more years to indulge a bit more in life’s pleasures. We’re the same there, aren’t we? Not really real ‘hermits’, but enjoying the path of it all the same.”

“I’m still striving for heaven.” Kasen eyed next to her Tewi’s pile of poisoned prank dango’s. Shrugging, she picked one up. “Dango?”

Seiga held up a hand rejecting it. “Now, now, I gave that up a loooong time ago. The morning mist is enough for me. Perhaps on a special occasion… but this isn’t special yet.”

Mercifully, Reimu recovered enough for the next one. She pulled out a number from the pile, before smiling, and picking up a second. “Mokou, Kaguya, you two are up.”

Both glanced at eachother, before making their way almost in sync down the stands. It was odd for Kasen watching Mokou’s thug like stride with her hands in her pockets, compared to Kaguya’s princess-like floating being in complete sync.

“You always want to live longer. Would you perhaps be wanting the Hourai Elixir like those two?” Kasen commented.

Seiga waved her hands dismissed. “Never. I said a few more years. Then I can decide if I want a few more. Look how Mokou turned out. Younger than me, but her immortality just feels so inescapable. There’s a difference between being an ascetic with self restraint, and not living at all. I’ll admit I was curious and visited her one winter to ask about it. She doesn’t heat her house at all, or even have a bed. I thought I was going to freeze standing! I had to literally thaw her out. On the other side is Kaguya, who’s indulged in so much it’s disgusting. I’m sure one day I’ll have had enough. Just… not yet. Yourself?”

Kasen rubbed her chin. In truth, as an Oni, she already lived long enough. The way of the hermit had started out as just a cover for people to trust her. But, it didn’t feel so much like a cover anymore. “For me, being a hermit is the path of redemption. Trying to live better. If I was truly immortal, I don’t feel like I’d have the drive to make each day better. I might give up and become what I once was. I don’t think I could reach heaven in the number of human years given, so I need just a few more to learn.”

Seiga chuckled at the answer. “So like Miko… Brings back memories.” As she stared off, Kasen saw a glimpse of something in her eyes. A span of time far longer than almost anyone else in the room. Longer than Kaguya, longer than Mokou, or any of the other hermits. Her fellow sages were the only with that look she knew of.

Below, Kaguya was the first to drop a pile of coins in the pile. “Dear Mokou and I were having a discussion. She thinks she’s had it so much harder than I as an immortal, and that the number of deaths she’s had outnumbers mine. I think it’s cute. I’ve lived so much longer, afterall.”

Reimu raised an eyebrow. “I don’t need your love story. What’s the question?”

Both turned crimson and answered at the same time at ‘love story’. “Not hardly!!!”

Kaguya cleared her throat. “In any case, which immortal has the most ‘deaths’ in Gensokyo.”

Reimu shrugged and began to rub the orb, it slowly lighting up.

Seiga chuckled again. “Your bet? I personally think, between the two, Mokou due to her carelessness.”

Kasen rubbed her chin. “Between those two, definitely Mokou. But… Kaguya forgot to specify. It includes every immortal in Gensokyo. But what fun’s a bet without a little wager?”

“Oh-ho? That is a nice catch. Though I have little interest in the material. What other immortal do you suppose is as grand as a Hourai’s?”

“Who said anything about material? You’ve been commenting on my asceticism since you sat down. The loser has to incorporate a lecture for one week. As for my guess…” She leaned in to whisper.

Seiga’s eyes lit up. “That IS a bold guess. My, my, wanting to spend time with little old me regardless of who wins? I’m not sure I mind.”

The name shot across the top of the tent as a fierce wind ruffled the entire structure.

“The Small Fairy of the Ice, Cirno.”

Cirno cheered, standing with folded arms. “Of course it’s me. I AM the strongest afterall.”

Next to her, Daiyousei rubbed the bridge of her nose. “It’s not a good thing, Cirno!”

Seiga continued to smile, but Kasen noticed Seiga clenching her jaw. Kasen had one bet lost to Tewi, one bet won against Seiga. She was at least coming out even…

Both Kaguya and Mokou looked offended. “HOW!?”

Daiyousei explained. “Fairies respawn when they’re killed. Cirno fights EVERYONE. Sometimes they don’t bother with Danmaku… sometimes she picks a fight with beasts. Her average respawn time is about 90 minutes when awake. Eternity asked me to track every fairy once for a month… I-I… still remember that month. She even managed to die in Rinnosuke’s shop. He had this thing called a “Sink Garbage Disposal”.” A haunted look passed over Daiyousei’s face. “It was horrifying.”

Cirno gave a ‘hmmph’ as she whipped her head away from Daiyousei. “You only say that because you’re too scared to fight. It’s only natural for the strongest to fight. They just get lucky sometimes against someone as strong as me.”

Above, the montage started. Cirno being eaten by a giant frog, needles suddenly peppering her in a forehead, running between two Master Sparks in a contest between Yuuka and Marisa. A few instances of melting in the summer heat, literally. Most were from The Fairies of Light convincing her to use her powers in the summer. One image showed her randomly invading Okina’s realm, and the sage not even looking up for her work as she raised a hand, gripping the fairy by the neck, and snapping it, and then continued paperwork while muttering about ‘taxes’. A few more concerning ones entered, such as Cirno SOMEHOW making it to the moon and challenging Junko to a fight, before being atomized, or being run over by Komachi’s boat in the Sanzu River. One appeared at Rinnosuke’s shop with Cirno fishing her hand down a sink. Reimu figured out how to ‘skip’ that one juuuuust as Cirno’s eyes had gone wide in that shot. Reimu nodded approvingly at the new feature she’d just figured out.

Cirno’s hands were on her hips, way too proud. “Just some of my exploits.”

Kaguya and Mokou both watched in stunned silence. From the audience, Eternity called out. “Who killed her the most?”

Reimu glared. “I can refuse any question! We, uh, don’t need anyone, uh… starting grudge matches between the fairies and whoever the perpetrator was. I’m keeping peace in Gensokyo!”

Kasen watched another spray of needles evaporate the fairy, and raised an eyebrow. Aren’t you the one harping on everyone to follow Danmaku rules? I think someone is due for another round of training…

Another one showed Cirno filling the donation box with ice, before abruptly being cut, Reimu abusing the new privilege of skipping donation villages. Daiyousei also shuddered at that one.

Kaguya blinked again, and just reached for her purse. “Hourai… Which Hourai has died the most… Is my next question…” She didn’t pull her eyes away. Neither did anyone else as the show of moving illusions continued, again, and again.

Aya pulled out her notebook. “We need to make a contest out of this…”

Cirno complained. “No, we don’t!”

Kasen noticed something odd about Cirno in the illusions. Each time, she gulped before starting a fight. Her hands on her hips trembling as she held the most confident poses. It clicked. She IS an idiot. But… it seems like each time she’s against something that scares her she automatically tries to fight it. Prove to them and herself she’s not scared. Admirable, if dumb. How the hell did she fight Junko though… Literally HOW!?

Reimu’s patience ran out before the number of illusions did. Far before, Kasen reckoned. Seiga cocked her head, however. “That is odd though. It takes a certain amount of power from nature for a fairy to respawn. If they abuse this power too much, they turn to a soul cherry until the season can recover enough energy to bring them back. That many respawns should see Cirno in a hibernative state quite often..”

Kasen nodded her head. “Perhaps it has to do with there being very few winter fairies. I would assume the others are particularly careful, allowing Cirno spare energy to respawn. Or…” Her eyes fell to Letty in the crowd, frost forming on the entire metal row she sat on. “Someone is messing with the seasons just enough to benefit Cirno, but not enough to cause an incident. An ancient Yokai too tired to cause an incident themselves, but amused enough to enable someone else to try…”

Seiga followed her gaze, and nodded simply.

Reimu finally moved onto Kaguya’s question. “Which Hourai has died the most and been brought back by the elixir?”

The orb began to glow once more, and the name spread on the ceiling. “The Brain of the Moon, Omoikane Yagokoro.”

Kasen gave a ‘huh’ at that title. Another ‘true name’ let slip from the orb. She wondered how many in the audience were paying attention to them. She also wondered how many in Eientei used nicknames? Not that it bothered her any. ‘Ibaraki Douji’ was a name she’d rather forget herself. *1

The projector shifted to Eirin in her study taking a handful of pills, and pausing for a moment. “Lethal dosage at 1,150 g.” Her head slammed on the desk a moment later. The clock had hardly moved before she pulled out another medicine, and repeated the procedure again, and again. Notebooks grew into piles, and the ‘Eternity’ of Eientei filled room after room with them.

Darker methods emerged. Time without oxygen. Limits of thermal abuse, both hot and cold. Maximum fatal velocity. Time without food.

Mokou neglected herself to death, and fought recklessly. But it couldn’t compare to Eirin’s meticulous dissection of life itself.

Reisen blanched. “I always wondered why master was so vehement about not bugging her when she locked her room…”

Tewi shrugged as she shone a light in Clownpiece’s eye. “Deeeefinitely a concussion. Hey, Reisen, healing time for a concussion?”

“Two weeks on average, though there’s additional fractural cracks from those magical plates of Futo’s.”

Tewi nodded. “Huh… Okay. Hey, Cirno!” She called to the stands. “What’s the respawn time on fairies?”

Cirno cocked her head. “Like… an hour?”

A bang echoed with both Reisen and Cirno looking horrified; Tewi brushing her hands. “Another successfully healed patient. Next!”

Reimu looked annoyed. “You know she respawns underneath my house… right? With fire. A lot of fire. Anything burns, I’m charging Eientei. Also, that wasn’t spell card rules.”

Tewi shrugged. “I’m a healer at heart. Best medicine.”

Mokou gave a disgusted look at the medical section of the stands, but dropped her offering. She took a moment, fishing from her shirt a cigarette from a pack, and sticking it in her mouth. “Hey, Reimu, I want you to see if someone called “Sakuyahime” is awake. I want to pay them a visit.”

Sakuya in the stands stood, pointing at herself. Mokou shook her head. “Not you. You know multiple people can have the same name, right?”

Reisen sighed, “I do at least…”

Kaguya, meanwhile, did the same ‘fake outrage’ movement with her hand, but this time seemed more genuine. “Come on, Mokou, I know you hardly have any money, and you’re spending it on this? Don’t you want to find out who has died more between us? Or something like our record? Tut, tut, asking about other women? I’m sur-”

Another ‘bang’ echoed, this time from Mokou, her finger pointed right at Kaguya’s head. For a moment, Kaguya swayed where she stood, before collapsing to the ground. Mokou held the finger in front of herself, and a flame sparked, lighting her cigarette. She took a long drag.

Reimu again looked annoyed. “Alright, the next person to ignore spell card rules in here is getting the Remilia treatment! Gensokyo! GENSOKYO! We have a spell card battle if there’s a dispute! Also, you Hourai freaks are disgusting to watch regenerate…”

Mokou nodded. “Yeah, I’ll leave after this, Kaguya’s not going to be happy when she’s back, and probably better for your little fair if we didn’t fight seriously here. That, though, was mostly for ambushing me last time! I figure I got 15 minutes, if that. Anyways. If you would, Reimu.”

Reimu sighed, but poured in energy. Instantly, an image of the most beautiful woman Kasen had ever seen with a pipe emerged, giggling slightly as she poured sake into a dish, walking down a corridor full of liquor vase after liquor vase. Each pot glistening just right. The illusion could only convey sight and sound, but somehow, the sight alone made Kasen drool. She could almost imagine tasting the sake, and knew instantly it was the highest brand there was.

As the image focused on the strange woman, she seemed to stare at the audience directly, and smile.

The image ended, Reimu cocked her head. “Who is she?”

Mokou just laughed, punching fist into her palm, fire sparking at contact. “That’s my secret. But, I’m hoping to have one more non-danmaku battle in the near future if I find her… See ya. Tell Kaguya I’m out for a bit when she’s up. She thinks I’m ignoring her or something if I get busy.” *2

Mokou turned, giving a backhanded wave as she walked out of the tent, taking several long drags as she stared off distantly with each step.

Kasen gave a confused look at Seiga, who also shrugged. Rinnosuke in front of them, surprisingly, was one to comment. “The Goddess of Mountains, Sake, and Mortality. Keine mentioned to me Mokou had some sort of grudge, and blames her for her immortality. Even more so than Kaguya. But probably not as much as herself. Granted, it was in confidentiality, but you two are hermits, so I don’t expect it to spread. Did you know that I actually had one of her bottles in my shop? It was supposed to be premium vintage, and I was going to try and sell it. I had offers for millions, especially from Moriya shrine, but in the end, the temptation was too much, and I had just a sip… It was the best sake I’ve ever tasted. I don’t know what I was thinking, but soon it was all gone!”

Kasen’s eyes widened. “Konohana-Sakuyahime? THAT Sakuyahime, the goddess?! Why would she make someone immortal? She’s literally why human’s lives are like that of a cherry blossom.”

Seiga gave a ‘huh’ as she pressed a finger to her lips. “That orb should only work for knowledge inside Gensokyo though. Even if she was awake, it shouldn’t know. It can briefly show incidents outside if it pertains to someone within. That would mean that this Sakuyahime is inside Gensokyo right now.”

Kasen turned. “That’s your orb, isn’t it? Why give it away? And where did you get it?”

Seiga chuckled. “I’m not so interested in knowing things, just indulging myself. Besides, I could only use it once a day or so, I figured it would be far more interesting i-”

“You dropped it, it cracked, and you were too scared to use it afterwards, weren’t you?”

Seiga’s eternal smile cracked for a moment. “It’s rude to interrupt people, my dear fellow hermit.”

That wasn’t a ‘no’Kasen sighed. “Sorry, just used to dealing with him.” She pointed at Rinnosuke with her thumb. Rinnosuke’s mouth opened, but he couldn't think of any words. Kasen continued. “But where did you get it?”

“Now, now, I’m not the object of today’s fair. You could, perhaps, ask the orb for the harrowing tale. If you’re curious though, your new little rabbit friend knows where I got it from.”

Kasen cocked her head. “Tewi?” She recalled Tewi singing earlier “I know whose orb that was♪”. Why on earth would Seiga and Tewi have worked together in the past?! An aggravated groan came from Kasen. “She’ll tell me nothing but lies.”

“Heeheehee. Now you’re learning. Don’t worry, she always has.”

Chapter Text

Reimu sighed as she stared down at the corpse on the other side of the table, debating on a fifteen minute break until Kaguya got back up, or continuing as is and having people step around it.

Slowly, the pink robes began to slide across the ground, dragged by the ankles, leaving an ominous blood smear as Kaguya’s head continued to regenerate. Reimu shrugged. “Thanks?” As she looked up, she saw Rin with a catlike smile dragging the body away.

She held up a finger to object, then shrugged.

A vein on Kasen’s forehead bulged. “Reimu….” A turf war between Eientei and Former Hell was the last thing Gensoyko needed. Little birdies told her they were already sore after some ghost incident. Tewi noticed Rin. But instead of objecting, a light sparked in her eyes, and she immediately called Reisen over to Kogasa as Yuuka carried her over, distracting the only person in the tent who WOULD care about Kaguya.

Seiga chuckled. “It’s fine, isn’t it? It’s better for it to be Kaguya than Rin trying to smuggle someone injured, isn’t it? I’m sure they’ll remove her when her immortality makes the fire too hot.”

Kasen groaned as she rubbed her forehead. “Yes, but Eirin will take exception to that. Mokou’s a coin flip between finding it funny and burning Chireiden to the ground over it. I can feel another headache coming on, but I used all my medicinal sake on Tenshi.” Well, ‘my’ sake” At this point, I’ll say I didn’t notice it. I’ll lecture Reimu and Rin later… I should be able to exert some control over Rin, she is a beast yokai.”

“My, my, how morally objectionable. Isn’t the point of a moral core to be a consistent guide? You’re willing to let them have free will now, but willing to take control over later in order to force Rin to listen to a lecture? It seems like it’s the easier route for you to take than the noble one. Also, a hermit drinking sake?” Seiga countered. Kasen gripped her forehead tighter.

“I do not want a lesson on ethics from you.” Kasen venomously shot back.

“Aw, why not? I’m well versed in the subject. It takes a deep knowledge of ethics to be so consistently unethical! I know what I am at my core, and what I’m striving for. It’s enjoyment of life! I thought you were still striving for heaven, though.” Seiga poked a bit harder.

“Are people just puzzles you find fascinating until you figure them out, and then get bored with them? Is that the real reason you’re not found in the Mausoleum with Miko these days? You were her teacher, and seem fond of memories of her. But no one can find you near them. Rumors are you find someone new to follow almost every week. The only consistent person in your life seems to be your servant.”

Seiga continued to smile, but her jaw clenched. It seemed Kasen had struck a nerve. Seiga took a sharp inhale through her nose. “We’re not so different then, are we? Using people, finding how they work, moving onto the next big project. You haven’t been around the shrine nearly as much lately, correct?

When a student’s grown enough, it is a teacher’s duty to step back and let them try, succeed or fail. Reimu was an exceptional student, wasn’t she? Though, I really can’t wrap my head around it. You started teaching her when she was already stronger than you. She’s not a Taoist like us. And she has no interest in immortality, unlike her witch friend… though I suspect Reimu’s life span will be significantly longer than her’s despite that. But what’s all that training for? That’s the puzzle piece I can’t put together. Why bother with the Hakurei shrine? Sure, Reimu is fascinating for yokai. A being in Gensokyo who does not fear them. There’s not even a gap in her resolve for someone like Yukari to exploit.” Seiga’s eyes narrowed as she glanced at Kasen. “But, what interest is there for a hermit?”

Kasen smiled wistfully. “She’s someone important to Gensokyo. I love Gensokyo. Even if I have to work with some of the most annoying people on the planet to preserve it. So, helping her is worth it in its own right. Sure, she’s shallow, greedy, and simple-minded, but she’s ultimately a good person. Power’s not the only thing a person needs. I’ve held ultimate power…” Kasen gripped her bandaged arm, wincing as if she’d been slashed all over again. “If Reimu didn’t have me around to stop her doing stupid things, she’d do something like this… I’ve been away too long, it seems.”

Seiga put a finger to her lips thoughtfully. “How sagely of you.”

Reimu below pulled out the next number. “Number nine.”

Cirno cheered as she stood up, strutting up to the donation box, and slamming down a jar of coins next to it. Reimu looked aghast. “How does a fairy have so many coins?! Have you been stealing from me again!?”

Cirno waved her hand. “No. Well, not recently, you never have anything; your shrine sucks.” A glower came from Reimu, which was completely missed by the ice fairy, who dropped in a few coins. “I made shaved ice in the summer!” Cirno then paused. “Hey, wait, why am I giving you coins! You said I get a free question if I was that fog machine!”

Reimu ground her teeth. “We didn’t need it.”

Cirno went to fish the coins out and Reimu’s purification rod smacked her hands. “Fine, you get two questions!”

Cirno held up a finger taking a deep breath.

“Okuu has the most firepower in an ability. Don’t bother asking.” Reimu said.

Cirno paused, her finger wilting slightly. It wiggled back up.

“Yuugi is the ‘strongest’. Look at her biceps and tell me otherwise.” Reimu said.

Cirno’s ice wings slumped.

“Letty has the strongest ice powers and could cause a Winter Incident; you are probably the most powerful fairy, Clownpiece probably wins in a fight though; I bet money the three fairies behind my house did whatever prank you’re about to ask.”

“QUIT READING MY MIND!!!!” Cirno stomped her foot. Kasen noted the small smile on Reimu’s face. Cirno was getting questions she didn’t ask answered for free, yet was stupid enough to be upset.

Cirno gritted her teeth, cold condensation running out of her ears like steam. “Well fine! I wanna fight someone really strong! Prove I’m the strongerest no matter what that stupid orb says!”

Reimu was studying her nails, having answered that in various ways.

“What yokai has the highest kill count?!” She screamed.

Kasen’s eyes went wide as time seemed to slow. She could only hear her heart beating, everything fading out. All the chatter, all the guesses around. She couldn’t hear them despite that. It didn’t matter, though. She KNEW who that was.

Nobody in Gensokyo other than “The Cunning And Treacherous Oni, Ibaraki Douji” could have that title. Kasen remembered them all. Every time she sat down and meditated, she relived each and every one of her sins. Enough to bury a mountain. Every face. Every scream. Her tongue remembered the taste of blood, and chaos between wanting to scream, and wanting more. A hunger that felt like an earthquake she’d been standing through for centuries. Sweets and sake could dull that hunger, but only so far…

Seiga made some snide comment, but Kasen couldn’t hear it. Of everyone in there to know her secret, Tenshi and Reimu could stop it. Someone had to stop that question. She didn’t have time to get down there! She looked down hopefully.

Tenshi was currently dragging Byakuren in from her earlier duel with Miko to the medical section, Byakuren giving a friendly wave as she was tugged along. Tenshi was staggering still, hardly in a position to stand, but definitely not one to pay attention.

Reimu was inspecting her nails, and hadn’t even thought about it, shrugging. She placed her hands on the orb, Kasen’s heart sinking.

As Reimu began to pour power into the orb, Kasen noticed a golden light flickering and fading from both her arm, and her medicine box.

“Who’s got the highest kill count among all Yokai? I should proooobably keep an eye out, they’re uninvited to the shrine.”

Blue energy streamed once again, and the glow inside the orb rapidly intensified. Before it could crescendo into an image, the light sputtered, and power arced out from the crack, the orb growing dim once more. Reimu let go and cocked her head as she let go, sparks flying across, and accidentally lighting the absent Seiran’s food cart on fire. Being Gensokyo, hardly anyone noticed. Tenshi, though, ran towards it, grabbing her sword.

“What? Uh, let’s try again?” Reimu put her hands towards it again. Before they touched, bandages encoiled the orb, yanking it away. The fiercest karate chop all of Gensokyo had ever seen smashed into the shrine maiden’s head, smashing her head through the table, and creating a crater.

“Reimu! You fool!” Kasen stood above her angrily, tugging the orb away as her bandages reformed into a hand, holding onto the orb. She tapped her foot on the ground, while at the same time waggling her finger at the shrine maiden. An ‘oh crap’ expression crossed Reimu’s face as she realized what she’d nearly done. Then she rolled her eyes as she recognized Kasen’s pose.

Kasen’s infamous lecturing pose…

Aunn stood at the read, hands out like paws, but Reimu waved them off.

“What did you think would happen if you answered that question!? Forget horrifying to any younger audience member showing that in public, it’d make a contest out of it! Suddenly some Yokai would have a goal to beat that goal! Best case scenario? They go for the human village, and you have to exterminate the yokai. FOR REAL!

Worst case, they decide there’s not enough humans inside Gensokyo, and suddenly the Sages like Yukari have to get involved when they run out of the village! You almost started the biggest incident in Gensokyo! For CIRNO! That will remain an unanswered question!” *1

Cirno folded her hands. “What do mean ‘for Cirno’? I’m right here!”

Kasen gave a withering glare to the fairy. Unlike Reimu’s, the ice fairy began to shrink away as a demonic glow came from Kasen. Kasen hadn’t realized it, but her eyes slitted slightly, looking like cat’s, turning yellow. Kasen turned back to Reimu, and took a long inhale. “You need more training, and I-”

Reimu rubbed her head. “Yeah… yeah. I got it, Kasen. I’ll be more careful on what I answer… We can, uh… continue later. Sorry.”

Seeing Reimu apologize was enough to snap Kasen out of it. Reimu never apologized. Or actively accepted her lectures. At best, she was annoyed into following them, or would realize it was a good idea several days later after guilt trips.

However, to the surprise of both Reimu and Kasen, Cirno piped up. “Training!? Wait, you train Reimu, is that why she’s so strong!? I want training! I want training!”

Both Reimu and Kasen went silent, just staring. From the medical section, Marisa started bawling, laughing, before coughing up blood. “HAHAHAHA! Ow! Ow! Hurts to laugh! HAHAHAHA!”

Reimu herself changed from a guilty look to a sly smile.. “Well… Kasen… you ARE supposed to lead people towards the right path. You even have someone willing to be lectured!”

Cirno pouted. “Lectured? I wanna do fighting stuff! You have a pond? Marisa said you had a mansion. I wanna freeze it!”

Kasen sighed. “There are koi fish in that pond, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t…” Wait, was she saying yes?! Kasen quickly changed direction. “Didn’t you have two questions, Cirno? I have an idea…” Kasen reached down, and whispered in Cirno’s ear.

Cirno’s eyes lit up, and she put her hands on her hips, throwing her head back and laughing. “Reimu! Who’s the strongest person I’ve beat!? I want EVERYONE here to see!!!”

Reimu nursed a welt on her head, but motioned for the orb back from Kasen. Kasen placed it in Reimu’s hand. She kept hold of it, and stared at Reimu’s eyes. Reimu maintained eye contact for a moment, and both nodded wordlessly, Kasen letting go.

Tenshi groaned, before stabbing the ground, stone rising up like a table. She was still slashing at fire, trying to wade it. Kasen had to admit, the haughty celestial was in rare form today. However, her internal praise was ruined when Tenshi looked at the growing fire, and shrugged, before slamming her blade into the ground. A keystone fell like a meteor on it, blowing another hole in the ceiling of the tend, and absolutely decimating the cart. Tenshi pumped her fist triumphantly as debris blew several rows of the audience over. Above, the sky glowed an ominous orange, but, anyone Kasen was worried about causing an incident was already in the tent, so she dismissed it.

Reimu shook her head at the commotion. “Who’s the most powerful person Cirno has defeated?”

The orb glowed blue again and slowly regained power. This time, the power stayed, and Kasen marched back up to the stands, sitting next to Seiga. Seiga smiled pleasantly. “I take it this should be interesting?”

Kasen nodded. “Worth even your time. Cirno said she beat a sage. I wonder who it could be? Yukari? Okina? Some other sage?” She gave a knowing smirk.

Seiga raised an eyebrow. “You are awfully concerned about them. Do even they get lectures like that from you too?”

The smirk widened. “Oh… oh damn right they do.”

“My, my! I look forward to it.” As Seiga clapped her hands together, the name shot up on the ceiling once more.

“The Ultimate, Absolute Secret God,
The Concealed Huangjiu,
The Pompous and Exalted Divine Mystery,
God of Hindrances,
Master of the Backdoor,
God of Noh,
God of the Pure Lands,
Astral God of Destiny,

Okina Matara-jin.”

Kasen scratched her temple. It seemed… perfectly natural that Okina had so many titles for herself, pompous as she was.

The illusory Cirno and Okina displayed above, Cirno walking into Okina’s throne room, kicking it open with Okina’s servants, Mai and Satono, unconscious behind her. After several barbed comments, Cirno pointed her finger at the sage. “Hey, I'm gettin' the feeling you're making fun of me!”

The illusory Okina rolled her eyes, and started to put her hands on the arms of her throne to sit up. “It's not just your imagination. The fool before me is nothing but a disappointment. I'll just take the magic from the door on your back and forcibly send you back to where you came from.”

Okina tried to sit up, but the sound of ice cracking echoed. A curious expression crossed the sage’s face. She tugged, and her sleeves stuck to the arm, same as before. Her sleeves were frozen to the chair from when Cirno had pointed. A look of annoyance passed over her face as she tried to sit up, continuing to banter with Cirno… who had a triumphant look on her face.

It was less a danmaku fight, and more Cirno raining ice shard after ice shard down on Okina, smashing into a helpless god bound by her own throne. Or… a helpless god hindered by her own hubris. Despite that, Okina’s powers passively left Cirno a half melted mess on the ground, but a chunk of ice sticking out the side of her head, and her eyes half focused in a concussion showed that the small ice fairy had gotten a lucky victory against the god.

Reimu seemed annoyed that, yet again, rules weren’t followed.

Kasen smiled. “I believe that is what they call ‘karmatic retribution’. Okina keeps ranting about being the most powerful, and able to recreate Gensokyo in a day if anything ever happened to it. And defeated by a weak fairy.”

Seiga nodded. “It was entertaining, but, is it just me, or does it seem to me you enjoyed that even more than the small ice fairy?”

Below, Cirno was making childish martial art strikes and yells in tandem with the image, and standing tall, laughing hideously. The only other one who seemed to enjoy it below was Eternity, who had a grin as if she had just eaten a particularly delicious meal. For a moment, Kasen imagined she saw something. Something… calculating in her eyes. It was downright terrifying and unnatural coming from something with as thoughts as empty as a fairy was supposed to have.

Kasen shrugged. “I believe you would call it “One of life’s small pleasures?””

Seiga smiled widely. “Finally, someone who ‘gets’ it!”

Cirno laughed below. Then she realized she had another question. “Hey, hey, the cripple there… what was her nam- eh, doesn’t matter, I beat her, so she’s probably too weak to care about. She caused an incident, right? Who made the worst incident?”

Kasen stared at Reimu, her bandages at the ready.

Reimu, however, just swatted Cirno. “I don’t need yokai making a contest of who can make a worse new incident. Or gods. Or ghosts. Or aliens. Or hermits. I’m not judging who was hardest to put down or who came closest.”

Cirno leaned in with a snarl. “What about fairies?”

Reimu stared back. “What about them?”

From the medical stands, Marisa chuckled. “What was it Yukari called you one time, Reimu? The CEO of racism? Wonder what a CEO is?”

Kasen chuckled, she got the joke. Her journey to the outside had taken her to some… interesting places.

Cirno rolled her eyes. “Fiiiine. Who COULD have caused the worst incident if you didn’t heroically save th-”

“Okuu. Chimata’s also on my shit list. Kanako wins at sheer volume of incidents caused, though. Next.”

Sumireko did nearly destroy the barrier, but it's best for most of the yokai to not know about her. Thank you for not bringing her up, Reimu.

Chimata lifted her hand at her heart. “What did I do? I merely did as my deific domain demanded, and hosted markets. A vile knave who knows not her own god has no right to judge deities.”

Reimu pointed her rod at Chimata. “Yeah, I didn’t care about that. The whole dragon gems stealing everyone’s abilities, Tengu becoming annoying enough I had to shut them up, and, I don’t know, erasing ALL ownership in the land by growing too strong too fast? That, that I have a problem with. Flandre and Shion have better control of their powers than you.

Do you know what happens to Clownpiece’s flames when she isn’t in control? Well, not much different than when she is in control, but I was away dealing with you, and the shrine caught fire! I came back to find her and her fairy friends throwing buckets of water on my bed while trying to put it out! I was lucky Sanae was in bullyable dist- I mean, willing to help.

Oh, also Zanmu having to take control, and making me look like an idiot. All because SOMEONE couldn’t take things one step at a time. ”

Cirno stood for a moment fuming she couldn’t come up with a good question, and stomped off, pouting as she sat next to Daiyousei.

Chimata crossed her arms. “As the heretical youth would say, ‘sorry, not sorry’.”

Kasen’s eyes widened. Zanmu!? “Not her…”

Meanwhile, Eternity fluttered over to join the other two fairies. A few moments later, Cirno excitedly chattered with them, before pointing up at Kasen with both her friends.

… what had Kasen signed up for?

Seiga pondered next to her. “Oh? That is interesting. Seeking to convert the fairies of Gensokyo to Taoism? I hadn’t even thought to do that. If fairies are ‘Gensokyo’ itself, wouldn’t that be the ultimate victory for the religious wars? Granted, I felt no need to fight in the last one. As far as I’m concerned, the way of the hermit is the only one to actually grant its followers something.”

Kasen raised an eyebrow. “Any chance of you or Miko volunteering to take over?”

Seiga laughed. “Fairies have a longer attention span than I do, teaching is far too tedious to do too often. And Miko is trying to have a good relationship with the human village. She’s more likely to exterminate them than Reimu is right now! You hear about what she did to Suika?” *2

Kasen instantly showed concern. “Anyone’s capable of doing ANYTHING to Suika?! She can turn to mist, turn giant, and has the strength of a mountain! Granted, she’s far weaker than she used to be, far too drunk, but, still…”

Seiga chuckled behind her veil, the translucent material doing nothing to hide her smile. “You think so little of my student? I might not keep up my training, but she does. In fact, it wasn’t even her. It was Futo. I’d wager on the student I DID teach being better than your - ” Seiga looked, trying to search Kasen’s expression. “-student?” She guessed badly on their relationship. It was relieving that she hadn't figured anything out.

“Futo!?” That part had Kasen way more shocked than the guessing game. “Does Miko want a war with the oni!? Suika has some powerful contacts if she actually felt offended! Granted, suppose her entire goal is to not to feel anything at all right now… Also, no, Suika would punt me into the lunar capitol if I even joked about teaching her. The way of the hermit and the oni are fundamentally opposite.” I know that better than anyone in Gensokyo. It hurts to know. Maybe the ‘monkey’s paw’ was the perfect urban legend for me… more like the money reaching for the moon reflection in the lake’s surface... Kasen’s eyes, however, narrowed. “But you knew that already.”

Seiga seemed more amused than frustrated at being wrong. “So, you do know her. That information’s at least a nibble of a meal.”

What did surprise Kasen, however, was the fairy gang floating up, and joining behind Kasen’s seat in the stand. Daiyousei looked nervous, Eternity excited, and Cirno had the aura of a mafia boss.

“We decided, if you're training us, we’ll let you be ‘boss’ for a bit. But only because it makes us even strongerer!” Cirno gloated.

“Uh, we, didn’t actually decide anything, I mean, if you want, we, uh, would love to learn…?” Daiyousei nervously spoke up.

“I have no idea why I’m here!” Eternity shouted, staring at the hole in the ceiling.

Seiga chuckled. Kasen shot her a look. “Oh, go screw-... nevermind, fairies present.” Go screw a corpse. But… you probably would, wouldn’t you?

Chapter Text

“Number Three!” Reimu called out.

Before she could even look up to the stands, winds rushed around her, a crow Tengu appearing in the gust. The repeated clicks of a camera sounded, getting images of the orb from several angles all at high speeds.

“Hey, Reimu, stop facepalming, you’re ruining a great shot. Give me an award-winning smile! Tomorrow’s paper is going to be incredible!” Aya called from a blur of motion.

“Isn’t everyone who’d read your paper already here? Shouldn’t you report something new?” Reimu shot back. Aya’s finger paused on the button, frozen for a minute. “Besides, do you really want to report the question of when I asked “Who’s the most successful business person in Gensokyo?” I think your boss, Megumu, would be a bit sore about it being Chimata.”

A “HA!” came from Chimata, posing from the stands. Tenshi looked at Chimata’s pose appraisingly, and just nodded her head.

Aya shrugged it off with a wave. “Being succinct is a reporter’s job. I’m not going to juuuust list out every single question. Some get summarized, some get left out, some get sensationalized! What do you think of the headline “Shrine Maiden Brutalizes Three Fairies in a Fit of Rage?” Or “Incident of Fortune Leaves Dozens Dead?” I want your opinion. This piece will be on you after all!”

Reimu smiled, but a clenched jaw and bulging vein threatened Aya with being inches away from death. “What do you think about “Local Shrine Maiden sics Dog on Annoying Crow Tengu?”

Aunn tugged Reimu’s sleeve. “Why are shrine maidens always so violent?! Also, I’m a Komainu, Reimu, not a dog! I’ll guard the shrine, but Aya’s more annoying than harmful!”

Reimu petted Aunn on the head, who wagged her tail.

Aya cleared her throat, and Reimu rolled her eyes. “What embarrassing dirt am I digging on people this time? Want to know who’s stolen more, Seiga or Marisa? Love fortune on Rinnosuke? Wealth manipulation of the Scarlet Devil Mansion using Remilia’s Fate Manipulation? Which hermit is allergic to pistachios?”

You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone! Kasen raised a fist from the stands. Sure, it wasn’t the most important secret, comparatively, but…

“You do know that most hermits don’t have to eat more than the morning mist?” Seiga questioned. Kasen sulked harder, but began to slowly form one of her portals, a Hidden Path.

Aya paused for a minute, pulling out a notepad. “Shoot, those are good. But, I can find out about all of those on my own. After all, using a magic item to sneak info on a scoop is something an amateur would do! Like Hatate-!”

From the stands, Hatate yelled. “This is why people trust the Kakashi Spirit News more. We’re more reliable and fact check!”

Aya waved her off. “Shut up, failed newspaper! No one cares about fact checking. This is why everyone knows and loves the Bunbunmaru Newspaper! Anyways, I saw Cirno’s question, and realized I could do a humble brag. Can anyone beat me in a race around Gensokyo? I am the fastest!”

Reimu blinked, not even reaching for the orb. “Sakuya. Yukari. Okina. Komachi. I think Kaguya too?”

Silence filled the stands, a stunned look on Aya’s face as she stood processing. She looked like one of Rinnosuke’s broken computers failing to boot up.

Wind blew through the tent, rattling it with cold air. Nearly a full minute later, she shook her head. “P-portals don’t count! And Komachi’s like a portal. She doesn’t go the full distance. We’re only counting people who can go the distance! A-and we don’t know that about Kaguya!”

“Sakuya.” Reimu said dryly.

A pocket watch sounded, before the maid in question appeared behind Aya, with a mischievous grin barely veiled. “Yes?”

Horror crept on Aya’s face. She ground her teeth, tensing up. A moment later, a burst of wind shot through the area, and Aya darted away, leaving in a fit through a hole.

Sakuya cocked her head. “She knows my time stop has a distance limit, right? Otherwise, my mistress would visit your shrine far more often.”

Reimu watched uncaring at the black feather falling from a hole in the tent. “Doesn’t look like it, nope. Thank the Hakurei God that your ability has limits then if it keeps Remilia away. Hey, Reisen, Tewi, does Kaguya’s nonsense ability have a limit like range or time? Or think she could race Aya?”

The two rabbits shrugged. Tewi answered “Could she? I dunno. But Kaguya running a marathon? Pffft. Yeah, right, not happening.”

Reisen giggled into her hand. "The only thing she runs is Master's patience.

Reimu nodded, then stopped. “Wait, Aya didn’t pay! I… guess I can let this one slide.” Reimu leaned over, caressing her donation box with a box of pure bliss.

Marisa yelled out. “Ew. Children and fairies are present! We have plenty of priests to do the marriage though! Hahaha, urk… ”

Reisen tried to grab Marisa’s arm. “Marisa, you can’t keep shouting, you really need to go home and lay down. Unlike most people here, you are truly human.”

Tewi, meanwhile, applied salve to Byakuren’s arm. Her ears twitched, and a smile crossed her face. She didn’t turn around as a shadow stepped out behind her. “We targeting Aya?”

Kasen appeared out of the undersides of the stands. “Absolutely. I have a feeling it would be bad if the newspaper got out with all the secrets coming out today. Wouldn’t it be terrible if a couple of ‘pranksters’ managed to sneak into her print shop, and edit a story, adding in the whole Chimata answer? Imagine if Megumu read it? I think she might be downright furious and stop publication.”

Tewi shrugged. “Don’t have to justify a prank to me! I tried digging a pitfall trap for Junko once. Just to see if I could. I think a portion of the Bamboo Forest of the Lost is still missing.”

Another voice sung in. “Ooooh, this sounds like a nice girl's night out. I’m sure you two could use someone to get past locks. Of course, I’ll need to get my hairpin back.” Seiga appeared with a similar Hidden Path as Kasen’s.

Kasen looked with a raised eyebrow. “I thought you were slacking on your training? How did you follow me?”

Byakuren cleared her throat, staring at them, gripping her hand to regain feeling. “I thought there was only one wicked hermit in Gensokyo, not two? I do hope you aren’t conspiring? It’s my dream for Yokai and humans to live in peace and get along. Two hermits picking on a yokai just wouldn’t do.”

Kasen turned to Byakuren. “Has Aya ever run a dirty report on the Myouren Temple?”

Byakuren stopped to think for a moment. She then tilted her head thoughtfully and smiled. “On second thought, would you happen to need a getaway driver? I have been wanting to ride lately. Let’s not tell Miko though.”

A moment later, Kasen was back in the stands, with Seiga in tow. The fairies looked confused. “Where’d you two go?” Cirno piped up.

Siega shrugged. “Mischief. Surely fairies understand that, right?”

Three eyes lit up. “Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!” They said in unison.

Kasen scratched her cheek. “It’s a prank that’s, uh, funnier if you find out about it later.”

“Boo!” Eternity heckled.

Seiga chuckled. “You really can’t lie.”

From below, Reimu called out. “Number Twenty!”

Eternity waved it off. “I’m good!”

Kasen stared at the butterfly fairy, again, seeing that calculating look in her eye. Only the ancient among everyone here skipped. “What… are you?”

“Huh? I’m Eternity Larva!” She said with a blank smile. Too blank. Rehearsed and unnatural.

A moment later, Seiga wrinkled her nose. “My, my, something smells awful.”

Kasen lifted her arm, giving herself a curious sniff. The fairies instantly took the chance to pinch their nose. Cirno was late to the party. “What are we smelling? I don’t smell nothing.”

“Oh, not you. Your flower smells fairly nice, actually. I’ll have to ask you later for one from your garden. A bit of necromancy magic I’m sure will make it last. I think I’m going to powder my nose. Until next time, my fellow hermit, this has been fun. We’ll have to do this again sometime.”

Below, Tenshi also gripped her nose across the stands. “Ugh…Smells worse than the hermit's dump.”

Before Seiga left, Kasen grabbed her veil, not looking up. “What puzzle pieces did you put together?” She asked, still looking down at the event.

Seiga looked thoughtfully up. “Well, first up, you’re obviously a sage. And an interesting development that the sages seem to not get along. You also have some sort of secret, and it’s related to Suika, but I honestly didn’t figure out as much as I’d hoped. Rival? Lover?”

Kasen cracked up. “Lover? Pfft. In another universe where pigs fly.” *1

Seiga tutted. “You really must give me a few more hints next time, it’s no fun to keep so many secrets at once.”

Kasen let go of Seiga’s veil. “Honestly, it’s a miracle I can hold on to any. You, Marisa, and Aya are all incredibly nosy, and are just typical people in Gensokyo.”

“Oh, don’t tease a girl like that! It just makes me more interested! Next time, next time!” Seiga shook her head, then blanched as she gripped her nose again, and floated out the hole Tenshi had dropped a keystone through on Seiran’s cart. She paused, looking at the sky, and smiled maliciously.

“You know she’s dangerous, right? I proooobably wouldn’t poke that hornet nest. And being a summer fairy, I know aaaaall about hornets.” Eternity piped up.

“Not more dangerous than me, right? I’m the strongest. Right? Come on, agree with me Daiyousei!” Cirno chipped in.

Daiyousei rubbed the back of her head. “Uh… definitely more dangerous…”

Kasen just nodded her head. “Yeah, Seiga’s more dangerous the more interested in you she is. Just ask Yoshika. But, she let a lot of secrets slip hersel-... “ Kasen looked at Eternity. Why WOULD a fairy be interested in politics like that? Eternity must have noticed the shift, because she immediately went back to mischief, tapping Cirno’s shoulder, and watching the ice fairy turn to attack a beam holding up the tent, freezing it.

Another boom echoed, and Aya returned from her tantrum, sitting back in front of Kasen once more, next to Rinnosuke. “Can’t lose my professional integrity over one bad question. Did I miss anything there, hermit?”

Kasen shook her head. “Marisa made a few snide comments, Aunn continues to be best girl, Seiga left, her and Tenshi saying they smelled something bad. But, uh, nothing in particular.” Aunn was currently nuzzling Reimu, who cracked a rare smile.

Marisa sniped again, holding out her hands like a megaphone. “Yeah, dogs are nice, but have you ever tried owning a pet Tsuchinoko?”

Reisen grabbed her arm again, Marisa playfully stuck out her tongue. Reisen moved and instead grabbed her tongue with her thumb, and in perfect sync, Tewi poured medicine on it. Her tongue started to turn a deep blue. The two rabbits knuckle bumped each other, Tewi having to jump to reach the tall Lunarian.

“W-what was that? A sedative? Ha! You know how many mushrooms I eat a day? I’ve built up an immunit-...ty…” Marisa’s eyes began to unfocus.

Reisen nodded. “Already accounted for. Medical history is an important part of triage, and I AM Eirin’s student. Tewi, would you get Alice?”

Tewi grumbled as Marisa fell over, and began to sprint with surprising agility, though, compared to Aya’s tantrum, nothing short of time stop seemed fast anymore. She leapt for a hole in the tent. As she was midair, she sniffed the air, and cocked her head curiously, then disappearing.

Reimu rifled away on a jar of numbers in front of her for a new number. She paused, and tilted her head. Several other yokai seemed to pause similarly. Yuuka’s eyes opened fully. Letty’s frozen bench began to crack with cold. Electricity crackled around Iku. Nue began shift forms like an eldritch being, hurting one’s eyes to even look at her shifting form. Yuyuko nibbled nervously on the nearest object, before Youmu cried out as her phantom half was missing a piece. “Whoops.”

“N-not again, Lady Yuyuko!” Youmu cried.

Several footsteps fell. None of them were loud, but they seemed to drown out all sound. A shadow passed in the tent as the flap opened. Supreme Judge of Paradise, Eiki Shiki, Yamaxanadu entered. A sweat drop fell down Kasen’s back. There were few beings in Gensokyo who could make the Hermit truly scared. The stands around Eiki and the entrance made space.

Eiki elegantly stopped at the entrance… before a yin yang orb shot at her, catching her off guard as she held up her rod against it with both hands, barely grinding it to a stop. Reimu, obviously, did not share Kasen’s fear.

Reimu slammed her both hands on her new stone table as she stood up. “No entrance fee, NO ENTRANCE! NO EXCEPTION!” She screamed.

Eiki fell over as the orb bounced off, rolling harmlessly across the ground. Rumia quizzically looked at it before licking her lips, reaching forward with both hands. Yuuka grabbed her wrists and led her back to the stands. Eiki readjusted her hat. “Reimu, what on earth? Isn’t your greed a little too much to progress in the next world? What do you have going on here? I heard you were answering questions and trying your hand at fortune telling, so I was hoping you could tell me where my employee is slacking off to today.”

Kasen rubbed the back of her head. She… had an idea.

“Exactly what I’m doing!” Reimu chimed, standing proud. “Seiga sold me this orb. And I’m making a serious dough with it. Going to tell me it’s a sin to run a business opportunity?”

Eiki’s eyes narrowed as they fell upon the orb in the room. “To run a business opportunity? No. Even the Ministry of Right and Wrong runs on money. However, the use of stolen contraband in such an endeavor? That would fall under the purview of wrong. Such an object is dangerous.” Eiki’s eyes ran over to the various holes in the tent. “Excessive force and delight in the extermination of yokai? Also, a sin.”

Reimu rolled her eyes. “And yet I’m swimming with yokai friends… Despite my best efforts. How’s this thing dangerous? I’ve been using it all afternoon. And who’d Seiga steal it from?”

“It requires far more power than a mere mortal should poss- wait, you’ve been using it all afternoon? HOW!? It wore me out in an hour! Anyways, to answer your question, that orb belongs to me. Before I possessed my mirror, and my abilities to judge right from wrong were as refined, I felt it necessary to understand the full breadth of an individual I judged. That orb collects all information in the surrounding area, and processes it to make an estimated answer. I was afraid someone might think themselves a hero, yet be a menace to men around them. However, the process was too costly, and I learned it was just as unfair to cause other souls to have to wait while I deciphered everything. Also… I may have dropped it in my early days when certain criminals were causing a commotion in my office. Security was… lax when I was young and naive.” Eiki looked confused. “But Seiga wasn’t the one to steal it. She was there, sure, but she was causing a… different issue. It involved undead sharks that we are no longer allowing in the Sanzu river. ”

Reimu groaned. “You could have just said “Yeah, the orb used to be mine.” But, isn’t possession nine tenths of the law? And you put out no effort to reclaim it! If this object is dangerous, you were being neglectful, and by allowing so much time to pass, you gave up possession. Therefore, that makes you guilty of sloth!” She slammed her hand on her stone table, and pointed at Eiki accusatorily. She then walked forward prodding a finger at the Yama. “And in addition, unknowingly or not, you’re trespassing by attending an event without paying the fee unauthorized! As you are the only one in this room not to pay or work for it, it makes you the worst criminal in the room currently! And-” Reimu did a quick turn of her head to look for the worst criminal otherwise. Seiga was gone, Tewi was gone, Marisa was unconscious, Reisen helpfully scooting her under the stands while whistling, Kaguya was both gone and missing her head at the moment. Reimu shrugged. “And Tenshi’s in the room!”

Tenshi huffed, about to complain, still holding her nose at the Yama. Then a smile formed on her face, and she cackled running with the role, giving the most conceited expression Kasen had ever seen from the celestial… and conceited expressions made up 9/10ths of Tenshi’s expressions in general. “How does it feel, judge? To be worse than the ‘delinquent celestial!? Bwahahahaha! Ugh, you smell like death.”

Eiki fell to the floor wide eyed with both hands on the ground. “I-I… Worse than Tenshi Hanawai!?”

Aunn, however, approached the Yama, and ruffled her hair, making her hat fall off. “It’s alright. I, too, want to be called a good girl and have head pats.”

Reimu smirked, lifting her donation box with great effort. Defeated, Eiki dropped a few coins in it, Reimu glomping the box. Reimu paused, still hugging it. “So, uh, what question do you have?”

Eiki paused, getting back up… though as Aunn went to remove her hand, she grabbed it and put it back. “I wanted to know where Komachi was. However, that orb is dangerous to use, Reimu. I heavily recommend you call off this endeavor, and call it a day. Between that, and other developments outside, I’ll be judging all of you by the end of the day.”

At that, several of the yokai shuffled nervously. Eiki always guaranteed a wide berth, no one liked to be preached at. But, they began to eye the exits of the tent. Except for the older yokai, who leaned into their seats to watch the show.

Reimu waved at the crowd. “It’s fine, it’s fine. You all know I’m strong. Here, Eiki, I’ll answer that question even. Juuuuust ask a few more questions and we can call it a day. What’s this thing going to do, blow up the shrine? Honestly, I was more worried the bird brain would do it. ”

Eiki gave a candid response. “Yes. About that, I was meaning to ask you-”

As if on cue, another body crashed down into the tent, Seiran, ironically, landing on the keystone atop of her cart, burn marks on her body. Confusion began spreading. Wriggle cheered. “I didn’t know Mystia had it in her!”

A second body fell on the cart, atop the rabbit, Mystia Lorelei.

Wriggle tilted her head. “I didn’t know…what was the other food vendor’s name?”

Reisen hurried to the two, pulling out various salves and bandages, shaking her hand from the heat. “Ringo, and she doesn’t.” She pulled out a machine from her pocket, a sort of counter that started to make crackling noises, and going wild. Kasen took a second to recognize the Geiger counter.

Eiki continued. “- about Utsuho Reiuji. Are you aware she is currently fighting the Taotie outside your shrine? It is getting pretty intense. I meant to stop them, but I believed it was not, in fact, my business.”

Reimu grabbed Eiki by the collar. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT YOUR BUSINESS!?” However, Reimu collapsed to one knee as she tried, panting and clammy. The orb had taken far too much out of her.

Kasen eyed the orange sky, and moved, whistling as a Hidden Path opened up next to her, and her eagle, Kanda flew out, taking her through a hole in the tent.

Yokai, followed, pouring out the tent at the promise of an intense battle. Reisen put her hands in her head, letting out a sob as her ears seemed to crinkle.

===============

Meanwhile, in a nearby tree house.

“Ugh. Respawning is such a paaaaain. I don’t know how Cirno does it so often.” Star said, stretching as she made her way out of her bedroom.

“Is that why you always make me do the dangerous parts of a prank? Has Sunny not reformed yet?” Luna asked, pouring herself coffee.

“Huh? We all should have reformed together. At least Reimu pointed us TOWARDS the shrine this time. She’s probably just asleep. I’ll go wake her. If we hurry, we might be able to pull off one more prank before the day's over!

As Luna sat down, she quizzically raised an eyebrow at an orange sun reflected in her coffee. Her eyes trailed up to the window outside their tree house. A giant fireball could be seen in the sky, growing larger by the second. And closer… definitely closer. Luna dropped her cup of coffee, her mouth open wide like a chestnut. “I, uh… wouldn’t bother waking Sunny… Aw…” *2

===============

As Kasen made her way outside, a large explosion echoed in the background, a mushroom cloud forming behind the shrine. Above Okuu, dozens of mini suns had formed, each the size of a building, hovering in electron modal like patterns. However, something was off about them. They weren’t as well formed as normal, not perfectly spherical, but warped. A few detonated in mid air from being unstable. Okuu, herself, was arcing occasionally with black lightning.

Yuuma, however, was undeterred, laughing madly as she was bathed in orange glow. “Not bad, Utsuho! I wasn’t in the mood for bird today, but you are making this fun!”

Okuu returned the mad laughter. “Thanks! Uh, whoever you are!” Okuu pointed at Yuuma, and an orb flew at her.

Rather than dodging it, Yuuma held out her giant spork, the ball slamming into it, stopping it. Yuuma continued to laugh. Opening her maw wide, the energy drifted into it. Yuuma exhaled steam. “Spicy!” Yuuma flinched slightly, but then she made a slashing motion with her spork, sending an arc of the same energy back at Okuu. It crashed into the rows of orbs, each one shifting violently, before exploding, a clusterbomb going off around the Hell Raven.

Okuu held out both hands, and an even larger explosion blasted it away. It, however, left her vulnerable, something Yuuma quickly took advantage of, leaping at her from behind, smashing the spork right between her wings, into her back, sending her crashing into the ground. “Ha! You science nerds would call that a ‘lithobraking’ maneuver!... Oh crap, eating her attacks really is affecting me. The hell is lithobraking?”

Okuu began to stand up, her face completely focused. “Flinching observed. Limit estimated. 4.3% achieved. Fusion engaged. Spell Card: Light Energy: High-Tension Blade.”

Yuuma gave a worried laugh back. “Haha? Limit? I’m a Taotie! I have no limit! My stomach is infinite! I’ll eat it al--URGLHGHGHCKL!?”

Okuu fired with both hands forward a concentrated beam of her normal attacks, straight into Yuuma’s mouth. No emotions were showing from the hell raven. However, black lightning continued to ripple around her, trees all around Okuu beginning to suddenly erupt into flames. Okuu winced in pain herself.

Kasen bit her nail. Okina did say Yuuma was impressive. However, she remembered an earlier conversation. Tch, I ain’t been as strong since that wonderful, terrible little vampirette blew my guts out.. Flandre had blown a hole in Yuuma’s stomach… And Okuu had noticed.

Pain crossed Yuuma’s expression as she inflated like a blueberry, making a choking sound. However, Okuu gave out first, suddenly detonating, and falling to one knee.

And Okuu’s not using her control rod! She’s going to meltdown like this with uncontrolled fusions one after another! I need to get her rod back. Wait… Tenshi broke it! F-

Despite the lull in combat, Okuu stood back up, grinning again. “85.8% achieved.”

Yuuma belched, deflating as she rubbed her stomach. “Urrrp…” She grabbed her spork with both hands and slashed down, returning a vast amount of the energy in an arc of energy, blowing away the shrine steps. Reimu managed to walk out. “IS NO ONE GOING TO FOLLOW THE SPELLCARD SYSTEM TODAY!?!” She asked, gripping her hair as if she was going to rip it out.

Kasen continued to bite her nail. This was bad, this was bad. Both combatants were losing it in bloodlust, and were used to the Former Hell, where destruction was normal. Yuuma wasn’t from there originally, making her more reluctant to fight, but what she ate reflected in her personality. There was a reason Kasen had never gone with the rest of the Oni to former hell… even before she walked the path of the hermit. “Fires and Fights are the Flowers of Hell indeed… Countermeasures… countermeasures… Okuu’s going to meltdown if she keeps going, and who knows how much of the area she’d take down with her. If we could fix her control rod that would solve much of it, but Nitori’s mysteriously missing, and I sent Moriya underground to cover Okuu.

Tanking attacks like that, the only people who could tank Okuu’s attacks I can think of are Yuuma, and Shion. I didn’t know about Yuuma’s hole in her stomach. Shion’s robbing Chimata right now… And the cause of most of this.

That leaves us with matching firepower. Reimu’s out of commission from the orb. Marisa from that earlier fight with Koakuma… sentences I never thought I’d say, thank you Shion YET again. Yuuka might be able to match Okuu in sheer firepower with her Master Spark, but she’s way too slow to stop every attack, and is uncaring about others in a fight, like the shrine. Tenshi, when she’s serious, actually might rival Okuu, but she’s hurt right now from blowing up Okuu’s control rod and Marisa’s mini-Hakkero. How many hexes has Shion gotten off today to get this situation this bad?

I have a few tricks up my sleeve, but none of them are particularly useful for this situation, and I really don’t want to show my hand.”

Another explosion in the distance was followed by mad laughter, the brawl temporarily shifting to a close quarter fight as both dived at each other. Metal foot met giant spork. A flurry of kicks sparked against spinning metal, arcs of power shooting in every direction. Kasen had to admit, it was beautiful, and technically within the spirit of Danmaku.

Kasen gripped her hair, wincing. “I… I don’t have a choice. I’m supposed to be a sage, I’m supposed to handle this, but… it’s gotten out of hand…”

Trembling, Kasen closed her eyes, tapping the air in front of her, her finger slowly stroking down as space started to distort, and a ribbon began to appear in the portal, eyes staring at her from within.

However, a hand fell on her shoulder, stopping her. “My fellow gourmand. What would you say if I said I just could not figure out a seasoning on a simple dish in town, and asked for you to identify it for me? We run into each other often enough that I believe your recommendations are quite good. I think you would be quite disappointed.”

Kasen’s eyes opened as she turned, Yuyuko behind her with a pleasant smile. Oddly, Youmu wasn’t nearby, left in the crowd watching the fight. Kasen snarled. “Not the time, Yuyuko, we’ve got an emergenc-”

Yuyuko’s grip on Kasen’s shoulder tightened, even hurting the oni… though it might have been because she gripped Kasen’s permanently injured shoulder.

“Now, if you recommended a nice sushi place, but while eating it I find out most of the fish is mislabeled or imitation, I’d lose a bit of respect for your recommendations in town, and might be a little less inclined to believe your taste buds. I would think you would have more refined tastes than that, better ability.

Now, we have different flavors of food we particularly enjoy. You tend to enjoy things a bit sweeter than I do, and I like richer, fuller foods, but when you come to me with a recommendation, I very well listen. I take your differences to mine in taste into account, but whenever I have a sweet tooth, you are the first gourmand I think of, Kasen. Why, I sometimes have Youmu follow you to gather intel. And when you aren’t having your Dim Sum smaller portions, I know I’ve seen you at a few of my recommendations for hearty meat. But, you know, I have very similar tastes to Byakuren, she gets very snackish despite her temple’s teachings. Despite that, I hardly ever follow her recommendations because I grow bored with the same dishes all the time. She always recommends what I would have probably eaten. She doesn’t tend to find any restaurants I don’t already know about.”

Kasen flinched under the grasp. “What does that have to do with the current problem? I need to solve Okuu’s Armageddon, and unless you can fix her control rod so she doesn’t explode, or match her firepower, I’m not sure now’s the best time to be talking about food.”

“You know… Yukari’s my oldest friend. She never once asked me if I wanted to be a sage. She didn’t consult me about the barrier. She didn’t come to me with any of the logistical problems with forming Gensokyo. Did you know, she talks about you all the time? The day you told her you weren’t on her side, I think that’s the happiest I’ve seen her since Reimu became the shrine maiden. The day you came back from looking for your arm, that was the second happiest. Of course, she did get drunk and started crying about how I’m her only friend, and ‘why doesn’t Kasen like me’, but, well, that’s a regular conversation.

Look at those two, they’re taking it to melee, they’re enjoying themselves. We have time. Think this through. Whatever you do, though, do not call Yukari. We wouldn’t want to ruin her opinion of you over a silly incident, like this ‘Incident of Fortune’.” Yuyuko finally let go.

Kasen rubbed her shoulder in pain. “I thought I did just think of everything. We don’t have enough firepower or technology to stop her.”

Yuyuko held up a hand at the two, mimicking crushing it halfway, then letting go. “You think too much like an Oni, Kasen.” Kasen gasped but Yuyuko, surprisingly, rolled her eyes. “Who do you think Yukari cries to when drunk? I know more secrets of Gensokyo than the dragon god himself. But, think of your options.” Yuyuko held out a hand towards Okuu, halfway closing it before stopping, and letting it fall limp. “In case of an emergency, I can touch the Border of Life within Okuu. But, we like Okuu, despite her not knowing the word ‘collateral’, so I won’t do that. But it’s an option you didn’t think of.

Eiki Shiki’s another option. If you bribe the Ministry of Right and Wrong, you can indulge in all sorts of vices. And she is powerful enough to stop Okuu full stop. Buuut, you seem to be having financial issues. Naturally, you could convince someone to pay for you, or barter Komachi’s relaxation stop in exchange for help.” Yuyuko watched Kasen’s expression harden. “No? So… what would else make Okuu stop by herself?”

Kasen shook her head. “Nothing short of Satori herself yelling at her.”

Yuyuko nodded. “Let’s do that then.”

“Satori wouldn’t dare come up to the surface during this. My Hidden Path wouldn’t get me down to the underground fast enough, and I don’t understand Yukari’s Gaps or Okina’s Backdoors enough to use them to get to the underground.” Kasen questioned, confused.

“Nope. But whether she’s actually here or not doesn’t matter, does it?” Yuyuko visibly relaxed, with Kasen catching on.

“Reisen!” Kasen turned to the crowd on the ground. “But, how do we get her close?”

“I think you could figure that out. But, if I might offer a suggestion, the things my servant can’t cut are next to none. I’d like to think Youmu would be helpful to cut through Okuu’s attacks.”

“And if we could pair them with a speedster, we could run Reisen right up. I wonder if Ay-”

“I would chose Sakuya.” Yuyuko interjected, snapping open a fan to cover her face.

“Sakuya will have to reset her ability between gaps, it would probably be more optimal for it to be Aya.” Kasen counted.

Yuyuko nodded. “Correct. But I like the idea of the three most loyal servants in Gensokyo working together. Youmu really does need more friends, and I’m afraid Reimu might be a bad influence. She got possessed by an Otter from the animal realm, and was so lazy she refused to make cake and snacks…”

“Isn’t she your gardener?” Kasen thought about it, and shrugged, as after a few strong blows, the Hell Raven and Taotie knocked eachother away, and began a danmaku storm once again. “You really should be a sage, Yuyuko.”

Yuyuko chuckled. “Oh, Yukari knows me too well. I think she chose her fellow sages perfectly. I couldn’t handle the responsibility. I became so depressed that I caused an incident. Youmu’s been good for me, though. I think I’ll hang on for her. Now, about the other half.”

“Okuu will need her control rod to stabilize, even if she does stop. Kogasa can look to see if it’s dented and knock it back into shape. If something magical from Marisa’s mini-Hakkero is interfering, Misumaru is probably the best person to ask. I’ll ask one of the gods here to fetch her. If you could gather the three loyal servants.”

Yuyuko gave a small jump to cheer. “Go team, go. “

Kasen rubbed her temples. This day felt like it was taking months. *3

Three fairies began to flutter after Kasen. Cirno pointed a finger at her. "Hey! Hey! You're doing something! You're making us super strong, right? Wh-what do you want us to do?" Despite the bravado, Cirno was shaking.

Kasen noted Clownpiece's torch in Eternity's hands, and the Swallowtail Butterfly looking up to Okuu, and back at Cirno with absolute glee. Kasen blinked in surprise. That was another option she hadn't considered.*4 But she shook her head, buffing Cirno had so many failure points she couldn't even keep track of them. "I need you three actually. Kogasa's not woken up. I need you three... to be really, really annoying til she wakes up."

Cirno pouted. "That's not a real task. You're just trying to get rid of- hey, hey, Eternity, where are you going? Hey! You're not getting all the credit, get back here!

Chapter Text

Shiiiiiiink

In a flash of silver, the unstable sun severed in half. The two halves fell on either side of a silver-haired gardener before detonating in the distance. Youmu’s blade shimmered with an orange glow from the effort, a look of absolute concentration on her face. “Hiroari Shoots a Strange Bird, Till When? *1 ” She recited.

“I’m not sure who Hiroari is, are they someone I should be letting into the mansion? The mistress doesn’t care much for archery.” Sakuya put her hands on Youmu’s back, and the back of the bunny-eared soldier, and all three disappeared with a ‘thwip’, reappearing closer to Okuu in the field of stars. Another slash split another sun.

“It’s a poem from this land of an archer shooting a monster plaguing a village. It kept crying out ‘til when, til when’ during a plague, unnerving the dying villagers. A bird with a human-like head, and a curved beak with saw like teeth, a snake’s body, and claws as sharp as swords. I would think Youmu’s making a joke about Okuu?” Reisen explained. Her eyes looked manic, magic glowing with a dull, pulsing red. She held two fingers over one with a V’, her eye glowing in deeper color. Another ‘fwip’ echoed as Sakuya teleported the three closer.

Youmu shuddered. “THAT’S the story!? S-sounds scary. I was just trying to remember what Lady Yuyuko was reciting the other day, and thought Okuu was kind of like a strange bird, I thought the poem was about her! T-tell me it’s not about Okuu! Uh, uh… umm… different topic, do your mistresses read poetry?”

Sakuya shrugged. “With Patchouli, but she gets bored easily. She knows I don’t pay attention, and I prefer to be of service rather than discuss poetry I don’t understand. I make a dutiful sounding board for her schemes though. The recent purchase from Kourindou of a few ‘earplugs’ helps. I wish Sanae would lend me her old music player.”

Reisen groaned, disappointed before pulling out her sonic gun, and firing several times to inch another sun out the way rather than Youmu slicing it. Each shot amplified in power as Reisen's other eye turned duller, manipulating the soundwaves themselves to make them faster and more disruptive. "When I first moved in, Lady Eirin said that I had to understand the land's culture thoroughly and would quiz me randomly to make sure I got everything right. She said memory was an important skill for a pharmacist. Her punishments if I got it wrong were a little… terrifying though.”

Sakuya nodded. Youmu, however, looked confused. “Harsh? Lady Yuyuko just looks at me disappointed if I don’t do something co-HYAAAAAH!-rrectly. I just really don’t want her to look at me like that…”

All three sighed in shared sentiment. “It’s been too long since we’ve all helped with an incident. Think Tenshi was the last time. We’re all just so busy,” Reisen said as the three disappeared with another ‘thwip’.

Meanwhile, Okuu’s attention turned from Yuuma as a line of suns was being destroyed. She cocked her head. “Unyu? People are joining in? Is that against the rules…? Wait, what were the rules again?”

“Hey, Bird brain! Eyes over here! We’re fighting! I didn’t go through all this effort to be ignored! I didn’t even WANT to fight you, but now that we’re here, I’m sure as hell going to eat every last bit of excitement from you I can!” Yuuma called, stabbing a sun, and twisting it like spaghetti on a fork, before violently consuming it. She then sent several slashes of her spork aimed at Okuu, arcs of energy slashing out of it.

Okuu looked delighted, smashing her suns into the attacks from Yuuma, each one violently exploding. One arc from Yuuma burst through the grid. Okuu drop kicked it with her lead-lined foot, deflecting it hurtling below. “This is awesome!!!!” Her face froze in sudden concentration. “Calculating for new combatants.”

Below, Tenshi stabbed her sword into the ground, forcing a keystone out of the ground. The new projectile slammed into it, a wave of plasma splashing overhead the crowd. Sparks made it onto the tent, crackling as it lit on fire.

Reimu gritted her teeth, before rushing away from the tent, and towards the shrine, her bigger concern. Thankfully, in the crowd, Letty shrugged and blew chilled air at the flames. For a moment, the air was so cold that it literally froze the flame itself, before the ice shattered.

Cirno looked up from dipping Kogasa’s hand in warm water to wake her up, a look of surprising admiration on her face. Normally she hated to be associated with Letty, but she proudly crossed her arms as if she’d done the feat. They both were ice users, and Cirno, of course, was the ‘strongest’. Daiyousei groaned, before leaning down and screaming ‘boo’. Kogasa woke up screaming.

A few more errant orbs floated towards the crowd, but the yokai were more than prepared for them. Yuuka yawned, before a master spark emerged from her umbrella, decimating it, and cutting a hole straight through the field of stars. Another headed to the shrine itself, but Reimu held out both hands, a barrier forming around it, and deflecting it into the distance.

An orb flew towards the tent itself, before a giant doll rose up out of nowhere ,grabbing the orb in a hug, before throwing it away. Alice appeared, rolling her eyes at the chaos. Threads shimmered from her fingertips, and for a moment, it looked like she might join in, before Tewi pointed inside the tent and at Marisa, and the puppeteer took a more defensive posture. One errant orb, through the roof of the tent, but in an instant disappeared before it could detonate, being tugged towards something inside.

In the chaos, more black lightning shot out of Okuu, who grabbed the jewel in her chest. A black, powerful explosion rippled through the area, before she regained control. Several people in the crowd could absolutely take Okuu in a fight, but her state of near meltdown meant that any attempts would end rather explosively.

Kasen shook her head, before Chimata, The Market Goddess, reappeared with a smile, posing as she brought Misumaru, the Genuine Magatama-Producing Craftsman. Chimata nodded to Kasen. “I don’t know who you are, but such barbarians interrupting an event where entertainment and knowledge were being exchanged for money just won’t do. That, and the flattery on my dress is well-received. You aren’t quite like the rest of these savages, Miss Ibaraki.”

Kasen blinked. I literally just treated you like you were Tenshi. “You’re very welcome, Chimata. Misumaru, it’s been a while.”

The magatama craftsman’s stern expression slipped into a smile. “Far too long, Kasen. I see that the current shrine maiden is making good use of the yin-yang orb, overall. Today notwithstanding. Before the word 'sage' could be finished, Kasen quickly placed a finger to her lip. Misumaru nodded, understanding. “In any case, Chimata was telling me you needed me to look at a weapon? I’m not a smith of normal means. I’m not sure exactly how much help it would be.”

Kasen walked over to the bin of magical items the Yorigami sisters had set together, Nazrin handing her Okuu’s control rod. In the chaos, many of the yokai were wordlessly helping out, and rat yokai had taken over the confiscated items bin. Kasen picked up the control rod, staring down the middle of it.

“Normally, I would hand this off to someone a bit more scientific, but everyone we have that might fill that role is currently busy. I’ll inspect its functionality, but I need someone more versed in magical infusions to flush it. Tenshi Hinanawi earlier was tricked into putting this into a magical furnace, a mini-hakkero. I think it’s overcharged. We need an expert to clear it, and a blacksmith to work out the dents in it.”

Misumaru nodded, putting out a hand to take a look. “I can see right off the bat that it’s crackling with magic. More than I would expect from the initial design of Rinnosuke for the mini-Hakkero. Someone unexpectedly brilliant has enhanced it. That Marisa girl then?”

Kasen nodded as Chimata stroked her chin. Kogasa was led over by the fairies, helping on the physical craftsman side, too. Yuyuko pleasantly drifted over despite the emergency.

It was growing fiercer as Okuu held a fist. The galaxy of suns stopped outwardly pushing, and began to contract quickly back towards Okuu. They were trying to ram into the three interlopers from behind and smash into Yuuma, keeping everyone busy. Yuuma deflected it with a flurry of stabs with her spork, now glowing red as well. She’d stopped trying to eat so many, looking a bit bloated as steam hissed out of her mouth.

Knives, slashes, and sonic booms became more and more fierce from the three servants to fend off the imploding sphere. Then Sakuya noticed a gap and yelled. “There!”

‘Thwip’

In a flash, Reisen was in front of a nuclear raven. Okuu smiled maniacally, and readied a kick. Reisen, however, closed one eyes, and opened the other fully, discharging all the pent up magic. A red glow spread out, turning the entire sky that maddening red color. Okuu’s eyes reflected it, some illusion only she could see driving her insane.

She stuttered, the flurry of suns stopping. “S-satori? U-uh? No, I wasn’t doing anything bad? It isn’t what it looks like. I was, I was, uh, uh, j-just playing some Danmaku. You know… lighthearted-”

A boom echoed as an unstable sun exploded. Another flash of black lightning started to crackle from her.

In the middle of Okuu’s breakdown, a burning red figure, as if turned to magma itself, leapt behind Okuu cackling with a large smile. Yuuma, transformed by the nuclear energy, raising her slightly molten spork to strike Okuu with a downwards thrust. “Hahahaha! Looks like I win, birdie! All’s fair in love and w-”

A yell stopped her sentence. “KYUUUUUU!” *2

Suddenly a look of horror started to cross Yuuma’s face. She scrambled, looking around. “N-not again!? Where is that psychopathic little-” She grasped her chest. “Guh…” She coughed before her eyes unfocused, and she started to fall towards the ground, her body starting to seep oil like substance.

Kasen looked at Yuyuko, holding out a fist. “Why did you scream ‘kyuuu’ like a little girl? Is Yuuma going to be alright? You said we liked Okuu earlier; I assumed we also liked Yuuma.”

Yuyuko chuckled. “Oh, just something funny Yukari told me about Okina. And I’m sure Yuuma will be fiiiine. That Taotie can survive a little destruction. She’ll just return back to her blood pools… probably. I just turned her life off for a little bit.”

Kasen stared. “Your border of life might be the most terrifying ability I’ve seen…”

Yuyuko’s eyes slanted. “It’s strong… too strong. I wish I’d never gotten it. Hehe, but it’s not all powerful. It doesn’t even work on me. I had to use a knife back then…” She solemnly trailed off for a brief moment. Her regular smile returned as her stomach rumbled. “Well, in any case, that’s enough excitement for me, I think I’ll be heading home, I could use a meal or two. Yooooooumu-. Oh wait, she’s busy. Aww…. But I’m hungry now…”

Kasen nodded, watching Cirno and his flying full speed at Okuu, the control rod between them. Kasen’s job with the craftsmen had succeeded, too.

Okuu continued to make excuses, not even noticing Yuuma’s apparent temporary demise. The black lightning growing more and more abundant as a gradient pixel like effect started to blur Okuu.

The three servants huddled in a whisper, the miniature suns frozen in place as was Okuu. Youmu starting. “Not sure it’s working. What’s she seeing, Reisen?”

“I don’t know. Lunatic Eye drives someone insane. I don’t have control over what. If I had to guess, probably Satori yelling at her,” Reisen said.

Youmu nervously teetered. “Well, uh, can we do anything to get her to stop? I think she’s going to explode.”

Sakuya looked thoughtful with a finger to her chin. “I have a skill I picked up to keep peace in the mansion. Mistress Flandre won’t listen to anyone not her sister. May I attempt to give it a go?”

Both nodded at her. Sakuya cleared her throat. She barked out a voice that wasn’t her own. It was tired and gravelly, drained of energy, but direct. “Utsuho Reiuji, clean up this mess! NOW!” Both Youmu and Reisen jumped at the accuracy. Sakuya apologetically rubbed the back of her head. “Sorry. The imitation isn’t perfect. Satori keeps rejecting our invitations to events, my mistress is starting to take it personally…”

Okuu, however, snapped to attention at the voice. “Yes, Satori! Don’t yell at me, Satori! I’ll clean it up, Satori! It’s, it’s nothing! Not even a big deal. Not like that New Year's incident. Or Koishi’s birthday. Or last Tuesday. Please don’t bring in Yuugi…”

Okuu shook her head as the red glow from Reisen’s mental attack faded, and she spotted the two fairies with her control rod. She rocketed towards them, still crackling with energy. Moments before she made it, the instability around her detonated again. Kasen winced; that was definitely two respawning fairies.

As the smoke cleared, she held her control rod over her head. The black lightning began to subside, and all the miniature suns began to stablize, slowly stopping spinning, and growing smaller. Once they were the size of a more reasonable danmaku, they all started together above Okuu before sinking into the rod, vanishing completely.

Okuu gulped as she looked at the barren landscape around, burning trees amidst the snow, craters in the ground, the broken steps. Fire still crackled from some of the trees. She shifted her eyes side to side guiltily, and turned on one foot. In the most blatant nonverbal lie, she started to whistle as she floated away. For a bird, Okuu seemed to have absolutely no tune in her whistle. It looked like a child trying to walk away from a cookie jar with a cookie behind their back. Reimu shook her fist at the bird.

Kasen let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding, the situation diffused for the moment. A hand tugged on Kasen’s robe, Eternity standing unhappily with an uncharacteristic scowl. “You’ll be sure to entertain Cirno and Daiyousei when they respawn, right? They worked really hard.”

Kasen nodded. “You have my word. Though, I somehow don’t think they’ll take training very seriously.”

Eternity laughed, the smile melting naturally back on her face, before she suddenly shivered, her wings wrapping around her. “ ‘Kay, works! Just make sure they have fun. Brrrr… I-it’s too cold… Going to… going to go hibernate… I’m a summer fairy, after all.”

Kasen raised an eyebrow. “Are you though?”

Eternity mimicked the expression with her eyebrow. “Are you a hermit?”

“Yes!” Kasen yelled.

Laughter echoed from Eternity. “Good thing I know you’re terrible at lying, cause that was honest! Well, in the same way, I’m a fairy! A fairy of the wrong season!!!” She took off from the stands in a burst of speed, heading towards the Forest of Magic for a long overdue nap.

In the distance, Reisen made her way back to the patients to give a final discharge. Looking tired and aggravated, she pulled out a medicine box marked ‘Experimental’ that had Eirin’s symbol on it. Alice shrugged, and picked up the sedated Marisa, dragging her over.

Youmu landed, looking for Yuyuko, before panicking that she’d already left. She stumbled, and immediately ran to the medical section, and wiped sweat from her forehead as she saw Mystia, before leaving.

Sakuya, being told to see how things panned out, began to tidy up.

Kasen shook her head, thinking it was about time to head it off. However, another hand fell on her shoulder. A strange presence filled Kasen, one like a giant was behind her, a merciless sense of awaiting something. The aura was heavy and powerful.

Shiki had watched the entire event wordlessly since they’d left the tent. Kasen’s stomach lurched. She didn’t really plan on seeing Shiki, praying she’d make it to heaven rather than face judgement again. And as everyone branched off or helped, she found herself alone with the Yama. It was not a position she wanted to be in.

“Ibarakasen. I’d like to ask a favor seeing as the fair’s winding down. Your house, you’ve shielded it fairly well, I don’t actually know where it is. Almost… intentionally so. I need to get Komachi back to work. She’s slacking off a little too much lately.”

Kasen sighed. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll get on telling her to get back to work. Can’t have her thinking my house is some sort of relaxation spot.”

“And yet you’ll probably serve some of your Dim Mak and tea when you’re back. Komachi talks about it all the time. It does seem like your house IS a relaxation spot for her. She was supposed to occasionally keep an eye on you, but she seems to like you far too much. Poetically ironic if you think about it for a hermit and a shinigami to get along so well.”

“Well, she’s a good guest, can’t fault me for hosting her once in a while, as long as she doesn’t overstay her welcome. Getting her to stay on task is more your job than mine.” Kasen’s breath was quickening. There was a wicked hermit in Gensokyo, but Kasen wasn’t fully convinced the orb was correct with it being Seiga. Seiga was more indulgent than truly evil… Perhaps sitting next to Tewi had shielded her with good luck. Maybe Shion having touched it gave the orb bad luck. Either way, she did not want the Yama of Gensokyo knowing exactly where her house was.

An angry look crossed Shiki’s face. “Some races exist solely for the work they do. As for Shinigami, the very nature of their work is proof of what they are. She who does not work, neither does she exist. A shinigami who abandons her work might as well be abandoning life.”

Kasen’s face flushed. “I said that word for word to Komachi before. But you don’t have to worry about her. She does take her job serious… enough. Actually, I think that’s the problem. She gets dragged down by all the souls she ferries, and some of them hurt. She spends time talking to them, getting to know them, one by one, getting their stories. How many of your shinigami care at all? And the only time she gets to see people is when she’s slacking off, or when they die? No wonder she likes to slack off. I don’t mind letting her relax once in a while.”

Shiki grabbed her rod tighter, that terrible aura flooding over the hermit. It felt like she was in a courtroom, and that she couldn’t so much as stand up without permission. Yet Kasen shook it off as a vein bulged. Her oni blood raged against it. Shiki stood up on her heels. “You’re trying to be nice, but I’m trying to be kind! Komachi doesn’t do her actual job, she’s going to disappear one of these days! Be too tired to keep going! She keeps doing things not related to her job, then complaining she’s overworked. She keeps investigating incidents, and helping people around the village till it wears her out! I need her as a damn ferryman, Ibaraki Douji!”

Kasen looked like she’d been struck at the use of her actual name, standing in horror at the seething yama.

Reimu, however, of all people noticed, wearily making her way to the two to break them up. “Hey, no fighting! I just had a nuclear bird nearly blow up my shrine, I don’t need the Yama of the Ministry of Right and Wrong and a Mountain Hermit going at it.”

Shiki sighed. “I apologize.” She glanced at Kasen, and then whispered one last thing only she could hear. “I still see a future where many of Gensokyo’s most important people end up at my office by the end of the day, Ibarakasen. Gensokyo would fall into chaos… Keep everyone safe and make sure the incident instigators are punished. I guess I’ll lecture Komachi tomorrow if she’s not met her quota.”

Kasen nodded. “She’ll get two lectures if she’s not careful, then.”

Shiki departed, Reimu finally making it over. She looked Kasen up and down, who still was a bit shaken. “Are you okay?”

From the tent, a humming echoed. Yuuka walked out with her parasol in one hand, and the orb of fortune in the other. “♪Oh Reeeeeimu.♪”

Reimu rolled her eyes. “What do you want, you flower yokai? Aren’t you a bit too chipper for it being midwinter?”

Yuuka hummed, ignoring the barb. “I think one of Okuu’s attacks hit your orb. It seems like it charged it riiiiight up. I think you could use it without getting tired!”

Reimu looked at the scattering yokai. “I think the fair’s over. Ugh. That tent was a rental. Paying it off is going to cost waaaay too much…”

A large racoon tail curled around Reimu, and a puff of smoke drifted over. Mamizou seemed to have recovered, though bandages wrapped around her head. “Oh, I’m sure it’s just a few of us older yokai. We’ll cover the expenses of the tent. Some of us are rather loaded. And if you don’t use the energy, who knows when you’ll pull it out again? We’ll make sure you don’t get any debts from this.”

Kasen shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea-” She looked down at Reimu, almost as if the sign for money was written in her eyes. She looked at the older Yokai, Letty drifting over, and Nue and Aya floating above. “Didn’t most of you skip your questions?”

Yuuka shrugged. “I’m sure we can come up with a few. It just didn’t seem as important in the excitement. It takes a lot of excitement for us older yokai to be affected, ♪and this fair’s been fun so far.♪”

Kasen tucked her bandages inside her robes, before opening a portal. Her fake hand teleported through and tapped Tenshi on the shoulder. Tenshi had been not so subtly trying to convince Reisen to give her one of the experimental drugs, while boasting she wasn’t really hurt, but was just curious. It was a bad cover for her being actually hurt, but too proud to admit it. After taking a large blast like she had, Tenshi shouldn’t even be standing, let alone having carried on as security for several hours.

At the tap, Tenshi noticed the gathering group of Yokai, and stood with a grin, grabbing her sword once more. However, instead of stopping them from bullying Reimu, she raised the blade. “I’m game if you are, Reimu! Afterall, I’m a celestial, far superior to other help you could have asked for. These lowly yokai are nothing to me. Gwahaha! You couldn’t ask for someone more reliable.”

Kasen noticed the flinches as she put her hands on her hips. Definitely not handling her injuries well.

Reimu rolled her head back and forth, debating it. “Well… I gueeeess we can have a few more. Tent’s ruined though. If it’s just a few VIPs, come inside. Don’t get used to it though, this is an exception for you yokai to enter my shrine.”

Kasen facepalmed. Oh no…

She noticed she wasn’t the only one, Aunn noticeably groaning, before going to fetch the donation box.

“Reimu…. You know this is why they call this place “Yokai Shrine”, right?” Kasen said, her hand still slapped against her face.

“Oh please, you’re one to talk.” Reimu said with a glare.

Kasen gave her one back for being casual with her secret once more. For a moment, her eye changed color. Fortunately, for while some of the yokai probably noticed, they didn’t seem to care as they floated inside.

Chapter Text

“Ughhhhhhhhhh”. A groan came from Reimu as the oldest Yokai who lived on the surface of Gensokyo sat around her table. The fortune teller orb on it pulsing a sickly green color from Okuu’s radiation. The vein bulging on her head grew larger and larger as crashes echoed in her house.

“Will you stop looking through my stuff!?” She yelled.

A cabinet opened, Shinmyoumaru’s head poking out. “I just wanted to see if my old room was still here. But someone put plates in it! Most of them seem kinda old though. I should get you some of mine!”

“That’s not a room, it’s a cupboard! I just let you stay there. And you two, what’re your excuses?!”

She pointed down the hall, Sakuya popping out of a room. “The room’s dirty.” She said simply as if it solved everything.

Tenshi meanwhile just waltz out a room. “I wanted to see how the poor people lived.”

Reimu grit her teeth, but could hear Aunn dumping the donation box into a safe, and it somewhat calmed her nerves… until smoke started to billow from the floorboards.

Reimu pounded on the ground. “I swear to the Hakurei God, Clownpiece, if you set the shrine on fire while respawning, I’m going to pin you to the side of the shrine like an insect board!”

The smoke lessened.

Meanwhile, the gathered elder Yokai waited patiently. Letty, who hardly knew Reimu leaned in, whispering in Kasen’s ear. Her breath was like a winter’s frost, Kasen able to feel hoarfrost climbing up her earlobe. “Is this shrine always so chaotic? Last time I was here, it nearly set fire. This time, it nearly set fire. I generally avoid it, or at least don't notice it as most Winters it gets so covered in snow I don’t notice any difference than the beautiful white around. You should tell her to remove the snow a little better.”

Kasen squirmed, holding her hand to her now red ear. “No, normally it’s livelier. You should have seen it when Suika and Shion lived here too. That was… pretty lively. And trust me, I’ve lectured Reimu plenty of times about keeping the place tidy.” Kasen smiled remembering a fond memory. She should visit more.

“That won’t do. A girl should listen to her mother.”

Kasen went wide eyed as she froze. Half of the people there cracked up. “M-mother?!” She stuttered.

“Oh, huh, you seemed close, and I heard you were always here, I assumed. That, and your kind tend to have a tendency to adopt I’ve noticed.”

Kasen’s redness spread from her ears to her face in a bright blush. Reimu’s face had gone just as red, and she excused herself to make tea… only to find Sakuya brewing it. Reimu did a doubletake to the room she’d just seen Sakuya in, finding it already spotless and rearranged.

Yuuka hummed, changing the conversation. “Now, while we older yokai are here, ♪let’s agree not to skip♪. I hardly came with a question, and I doubt any of you did either, but, where would the fun in that be if we couldn’t come up with something.”

Kasen didn’t like being included in that group of ‘older yokai’. It was completely true; she just didn’t like it.

Nazrin raised her hand. “Speak for yourself, I already came with a simple question at the start.”

Nue and Mamizou both held their fingertips against their foreheads and spoke in unison. “Shou lost her pagoda again?”

Nazrin didn’t answer, but didn’t have to with her sullen expression.

Yuuka continued to hum. “And Aya, that improv of yours earlier was awful… Shouldn’t a ‘reporter’ be more prepared? Too caught up in the event?”

Aya stood up angrily, pointing at Yuuka. “Hey! Being a reporter is hard work, and can you honestly tell me earlier with Okuu wasn’t chaotic and newsworthy? I was more interested in what everyone else came up with!”

Yuuka’s eyes slightly opened, a deathly look in them. “And what a good story that was. Even I look forward to reading it, and I was there myself. Now… I expect your professionalism is fulfilled, and Aya, the Journalist is going to be busy for a while. So… Aya, can the 1,000 year old conniving Tengu come play for a bit?”

Aya smirked. “Pffft, a true tengu never shows her true strength. I’m a reporter through and through until the day I die.”

Mamizou put a hand across Aya’s shoulders. “Oh, don’t let Yuuka tease you too much. Everyone not in the kitchen or raiding Reimu’s rooms is at least a 1,000 years old yokai.”

Iku cleared her throat. “Speaking of which, I should probably stop the eldest daughter…”

Reimu reentered with Sakuya and brought everyone a cup. “I still think I shouldn’t have let you yokai in the shrine. You’re nothing but trouble. But, let’s see how it pans out. Alright, first up, Nazrin, you’re wanting to know where Shou lost the pagoda this time?” Reimu hadn’t even heard the earlier conversation.

Nazrin’s face slammed on the table with a groan. A muffled “Yes, please” came as Reimu put her hands on the fortune orb. She then reconsidered, and took a long sip of tea first, moving at her own pace, even as evening crickets chirped in the distance. Kasen couldn’t help but dryly think of an old woman irritated to be up past her bed time.

She put her hands back on the orb. “Where did Shou lose her stupid pagoda this time?” Blue light flooded the room. Across the ceiling, the words “The Kingdom of Nothing, Avici” displayed. Inside the blue light, a picture of a ruthless oni appeared with short horns (much like Kasen’s under her hair buns), and long black hair leaned down, finding an object and plucking it up. “What in Hell is this? Hisami, you bring this down?” The oni asked, the pagoda shimmering. Kasen’s blood went cold as she recognized the oni as Zanmu, King of the Silent Bliss of Nirvana.

A servant with a flower themed veil over her long black hair looked over. She looked like Mokou had shoved a flower on Kaguya’s head. She answered. “No, m’lady. B-but if you’re looking for someone to blame, you can punish me!”

Nazrin, meanwhile, screamed as she grabbed her hair. “GAAAAH!? HOW, Shou!? HOW!? I don’t wanna go back to hell…” She slammed her head on the table, sobbing.

Kasen cocked her head. “When have you been to hell?”

Yuuka’s eyes lit up. “Ooooh, let’s make this more interesting, every question we ask the orb, the rest of the audience gets to ask that person one question.”

Nazrin lifted a finger while sobbing, flicking off Yuuka, clearly disagreeing.

Mamizou chuckled and dragged on her pipe. “Probably during the Land Ownership Incident, I went there myself to mess with Zanmu.”

Kasen looked horrified at the thought of anyone ‘messing’ with Zanmu, while Reimu grumpily stared at Mamizou. “Don’t smoke in my house! Gah. Next person. You all only get one, then you’re going home. I’ve had enough of today.”

“That count if we’ve already asked one?” A voice echoed next to Kasen. Kasen startled, nearly falling onto Letty as she saw Tewi suddenly there, with a bunch of rabbits. She hadn’t been a moment ago.

Reimu took a deep breath. “Who said you could bring animals into the house? And no to your question.” Despite her yelling, Reimu wandered over, and grabbed one of the rabbits Tewi brought. She put it in her lap, the rabbit rubbing its head against her wrist as she petted it.

“No, they don’t count, or no we can’t have another one?” Tewi asked with an innocent look on her face. Reimu stared blankly. Without a word, a needle popped from her sleeves into her hand. Tewi didn’t look perturbed, but nodded all the same. “Understood. Aaaaaaunn! You need to take care of your human, she’s turning violent!”

Aunn’s head popped from the hallway. “She came that way when I adopted her.”

Reimu let it slide, the needle disappearing back down her sleeve as she rolled her eyes, and looked around the room at the baker’s dozen other people gathered:
Tenshi, already bored and looking through cabinets.
Sakuya, already cleaning dishes.
Shinmyoumaru, who jumped out of the cupboard at being discovered, landed on Tenshi’s hat, and immediately began to eat a peach.
Iku, dragging Tenshi to sit with the rest by wrapping her with her shawl as Shinmyoumaru rode her hat.
Yuuka, gently humming with an odd excitement, but she never seemed to look at either the orb, or Reimu.
Aunn, locking up the shrine for the night and lighting candles.
Tewi, a mischievous smile on her face, while covered in rabbits.
Kasen, trying to oversee the yokai with a perplexed expression on her face.
Letty, looking even more perplexed as she’d hardly ever been to the Hakurei Shrine.
Nazrin, sobbing into the table.
Nue, making bets with Mamizou over various events.
Mamizou, currently collecting several bills from Nue.
And Aya, grinning ear to ear with her notepad open, already full of notes.

The room hardly fit everyone, only a few around the table, the rest around the walls, but it was hardly worth going out to the destroyed circus tent Reimu had rented, various holes ripping in it, and the entire roof blown off. It was starting to become far too cold for anyone but Letty or Tenshi anyway.

Kasen had a different solution for the cold with her medicine sake box. Kasen might not have started with much sake, but it being Gensokyo, plenty of bottles were left in the stands, and her medicine box purifying it anyways, a steady stream of creatures scurried in to deliver her half filled bottles. It was keeping her nice and warm.

She wasn’t the only one with the idea, Nazrin thinking similarly, though her mice being treasure seekers only bothered with unopened bottles. However, she hadn’t bothered to open any, still sobbing into the table.

Letty was actually the next to volunteer for a question. “I believe I know what I’d like to know. This winter is great and all, but the previous one was rather mild. I hardly got to enjoy it. I could feel it as soon as I awoke, that A) I hadn’t slept well, and B) The seasonal energy had been disturbed. I would sincerely like to know who the culprit is, and have a few words with them. I’m only active during the winter after all, and it being cut short is annoying.”

Reimu and Aunn looked at each other knowing the culprit, before bursting out laughing. Kasen also hid a smirk behind her hand.

“Pffft, don’t need the orb for that. You know when Cirno went to show off earlier, and showed a fight she actually won? That was the culprit. Her name’s Okina. Go for it. I don’t think anyone’s going to complain about what you do to her. Take Sumireko, I wanna see on her ‘phone’ thingy how it goes.”

Letty gave a sigh of relief. “Oh… if it’s someone Cirno beat, I shouldn’t have much trouble. Where can I find her?”

Reimu shrugged. “Land of backdoors, though, good luck getting to her. I could get there, but… eh, with a haul this big, I just want to do nothing the rest of winter. Yeah… yeah that would be nice.” Reimu spaced out dreaming of using money. “Oh, you could ask Yukari by the way.”

Letty bit her lip. “She’s never awake, how did you manage to get her help?” Kasen realized that with Yukari sleeping through most winters, Letty probably hardly had even seen the most public sage of Gensokyo.

Aya raised her hand. “I found a path through a helpful Jizo, though she had zero ability to pay attention. Narumi, I think her name was?”

Reimu cocked her head. “Who?”

Aunn spoke as she dropped a lantern, only for her other self to catch it in a dive. “Reimu, you don’t remember anyone. Why are you asking?"

Kasen rubbed the back of her head. Aunn was completely correct, Reimu hadn't even remembered her when she'd started visiting more often.

Aya, however, flipped through her notepad. “I’m not so sure it will be easy even if you do find her, however, Letty. Okina shares ancestry with us Tengu, and is known as the God of Hindrances for a reason.”

Letty rolled her eyes. “If Cirno managed to beat her, I think I can manage.”

Aya shook her head. “That's just it. Cirno’s already weak, even if she’s gotten much better. There probably wasn’t much hindrance for Okina to offer. You, however, are pretty strong. She could take that same power, and translate it to Summer’s power. I don’t think you’d do too well then.”

Letty looked annoyed. “Cirno won… because she’s weak? That’s… annoying.” She bit off each word.

Yuuka’s gaze drifted back to the conversation. “So, if you had a rather strong summer yokai with you, you’d have nothing to fear? Any hindrance to you is a boon to me, and any hindrance to me is a boon to you. I think I’m also upset that my beautiful flowers struggled so much in the summer. I might be willing to play with this Okina for a little bit.”

Letty nodded. “So, we just need a way into this land of backdoors…”

Kasen had never wanted to drop the knowledge of being a sage so badly before. Sadly, they were the worst group to reveal that too, with Aya in particular as the WORST person in all of Gensokyo to give a secret to. That said, she bit her finger, seriously considering it. Okina getting her ass beat by some of the worst of Gensokyo’s yokai would be a treat. If Sumireko managed to record it, she was going to have to ask for a copy.

Yuuka’s smile, however, grew. “I know a certain Summer Fairy with a few secrets that might get us there. But, I said I wanted a question from the person asking. Why don’t you ever fight, Letty? You’re strong enough to cause an incident all by yourself, but you never come out to really play.”

Letty shrugged noncommittally. “And deal with that?” She pointed at Reimu with her thumb.

Reimu's handful of needles appeared by reflexes, even as she continued to stare off in the distance, still daydreaming as she petted the bunny. “Nice sake… something more than rice… Maybe hire a maid of my own…”

Aya, however, burst the bubble, seeing through the lie. “When I did my interview with you, you didn’t even know who ‘red and white’ was, let alone being cautious of Reimu. Now *I’m* curious. Why DON'T you cause trouble.” Aya clicked her pen excitedly, hoping for an answer.

Iku stole Aya’s pen. “Read the atmosphere. I don’t think anyone in this room wants ANY of these questions reported. You've had your scoop.”

Aya sulked, but Letty sighed, the room chilling significantly. “I don’t have the time. Most mortals spend a third of their time asleep. I spend three-fourths of my time asleep. My veins are ice, and I become more like snow each passing winter… and I’ve seen a fair few winters. This Okina person took a few precious moments of being away. So, I feel I can spare a day or two. But otherwise, why waste time making an incident when we all know how they end? Why don’t you make incidents, Yuuka?”

Reimu answered that one with a flat tone. “She does. All the time. Riled up Yokai to destroy the shrine even before Tenshi or that vengeful spirit did it… Claiming credit for the Sixty Year Cycle Great Barrier Incident. Getting drunk and acting like an Oni… Heaven knows how many others I don’t know about.” Yuuka beamed like sunflower at the ‘compliment’. Kasen whistled innocently at the ‘getting drunk and acting like an oni’ one, her Medicine Box being at fault there.

Sakuya reentered, baked goods in her hand she started to distribute. Reimu took one and motioned for the maid to sit across from her. “You, you’ve earned a question. Go ahead.”

Tenshi put her hands on her hips. “What about me?”

Reimu raised an eyebrow. “Do you want one?”

Tenshi cocked her head. “Huh. Uh, I’ll get back to you. I’ll take a cookie though.”

Sakuya put a finger to her lip. “Huh… I was only supposed to be spying as per Miss Patchouli’s orders. I’m not sure there’s any questions I could care to come up with.”

Yuuka waggled her fingers. “♪No skipping, dear.♪” Sakuya took a breath. Yuuka clicked her tongue. “Tsk, nothing as simple as what your mistress would prefer for dinner either.”

Sakuya looked deflated. “I suppose I know the answer would be “Chicken nuggets. In the shape of Dinosaurs. But remove all the triceratops, I only want to eat other predators.” Her voice imitation of Remilia was spot on, Reimu actually looking around with an annoyed expression like only Remilia could bring out, as if expecting the vampirette she’d wasted earlier appearing. Sakuya sighed. “Fine, can I at least go later? I believe that deal was for the ‘older yokai’, and I don’t qualify.”

Yuuka shrugged, calculating something behind her closed eyes, but in the end nodded. “I suppose not, though, surely for a human you’re ancient.”

Sakuya didn’t dignify it with a response, standing as elegantly as always.

Kasen turned to Yuuka. “What is it you're wanting here anyways, Yuuka? This hardly seems exciting or chaotic enough for you. And yes, that includes with Okuu.”

Yuuka put her finger on her lips. “♪It’s a secret♪”

Kasen raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t you say everyone has to answer an audience question? I’ll just ask that, regardless.”

Yuuka stopped, actually opening her eyes. “Fine.” She said simply. She took a cookie, and a sip of tea before starting. “Reimu never makes money at these events. Then the Yorigami Sisters offered to help. Seiga organized it. And something as powerful and convenient as that orb has no business being in Gensokyo. All of this screamed SOMETHING had to go wrong. Nothing really has yet… I’m nature itself, and something really, REALLY unnatural is happening. Can you blame a yokai for being a little bit curious? I just want to nudge things a liiiiiil bit and see what happens.”

Reimu looked offended, standing up with hand on her hip and finger waggling in the air. However, she stopped as she took a breath, not even sure what she could say wrong about what Yuuka had said. The rabbit had found it’s way on Reimu’s head, and Aunn stared jealously at it from the hallway.

Aya mimed putting a pen to her lips as if in thought, then was annoyed she had no pen. She sighed. “Speaking of the Yorigami sisters, do you think they’ve robbed Chimata yet? That one was preeeetty obvious. I was debating getting that scoop, but figured Okuu made the front page anyways at this point.”

Reimu cocked her head, still standing. “Wait… is THAT why those two wanted this whole fair!? When I get hold of them…”

“Seemed pretty obvious they were up to something from the start. Aya, want to use that as your question so you can at least get an orb picture?” Kasen suggestion.

Aya shrugged. “Why not?”

Reimu sat back down, putting her hands on the orb. “How did the Yorigami sisters’ plan go?” She asked.

The screen lit up, blue light flooding the room as the image of a giant metal arm crashed into the ground, Jo’on screaming as she barely jumped out the way before she stumbled after and caught up to a crying, running Shion, carrying a ripped bag that was leaking more and more items.

Reimu looked non plussed. “About what I expected.”

Everyone nodded, even Nazrin looking up, confused at the arm. Only Tenshi looked actually concerned though, actually reaching up to her hat to grab and chew on one of her peaches nervously. The 'peach' made an 'ow' sound.

Kasen cocked her head. “Can we get more detail? If that arm is what I think it is, Sanae’s going to freak out.”

Tenshi spit out a flailing Shinmyoumaru. "Yes. Give me, I mean 'us', more details, I demand it! Not that I'm nervous or anything. It's just, uh, interesting, yeah. Not that I have any stakes involved or anything. Hahaha....ha?"

Reimu nodded, and put more power into the orb.

Chapter Text

Orange light caught the falling snow in the air in a glitter of diamond dust, throwing the valley into a brilliant hue of white, yellow and orange. The crunching of two sets of footprints filled the base of yokai mountain as the Yorigami sisters trudged through it, both wearing ragged scarfs. Jo’on’s was much higher quality, made of some faux designer brand, with intricate designs in gold across red cotton. It, however, was full of holes and definitely old. Shion’s was brown and more holes than actual scarf, whatever color it had originally been was a question even the fortune telling orb couldn’t answer. Shion’s messy hair had in it Seiga’s hairpin, a half attempt at putting her hair in a roll failed due to how knotted her hair was.

Both struggled with stolen crates. Of the two, Shion was far heavier laden with crates and items than Jo’on, half skittering with each step, trying not to fall over. It was heavy enough she couldn’t even float like she preferred to do over walking.

Jo’on was gloating over their heist, jumping around the snow with her fan snapped open, and a crate of gold bars she lifted effortlessly under one arm. “See! You did great Shion! I told you to leave planning to me!” She winced in pain as her fan jerked at an odd angle. “What is that hermit’s face made of, it was like punching an oni…”

Shion cocked her head, pausing as she rebalanced the stack of crates larger than she was. “I’m not so sure… would it have been so bad to actually just help Reimu out? I was having fun for once… I never get to go to parties.”

Jo’on gave a heavy sigh. “Look… yeah, it was fun, but fun doesn’t pay the bills. You know Reimu never makes a profit. She’s like us, she survives. Unlike us, though, she doesn’t have any loan sharks or debtors after her. That whole festival thing was never going to more than tide her over, and there wouldn’t be anything left for us. I bet the tent’s already blown up. If we’re lucky, all our bad luck will go off there, and we might be having some good luck for once left over. ”

Shion stared at the ground. “But we never have good luck.”

Jo’on walked over, slapping Shion on the back with a smile. “Good luck this time! We’ll get that Sannyo lady off that back, I can get some new clothes. Maybe we can even fix up the hous- wah!? ” Shion gave a sudden yell as she was slapped on the back, before beginning to slowly topple over. Jo’on ran to her other side, trying to stop the crates coming down, but ending up buried. A groan came from underneath.

On top of the mess, Shion spoke up. “This mean I can get a new bed? And maybe some good food other than dandelions? I keep mooching off of Lady Celestial… I could treat her instead!”

Jo’on unburied herself. “Ugh… We’ll get the best of food. Maybe get some of that “Revival of Sparrow Sake” that we can’t ever afford. I’m not sure I’d call peaches from a magic hat ‘mooching’ from Tenshi, it’s no skin off her nose... Though… no wonder she’s sick of them. Gah, least she offers you them. I haven’t had anything decent in weeks… Divine or not, it still sucks.”

Shion held out her hands to restack the crates when both of them turned, sensing something wrong. They nervously turned, looking up the valley.

On top of an outcropping of rocks, Nitori stood with ripped strands of duct tape off of her hand, and a vein bulging in her forehead. A crazed smile was on her face, with the sound of teeth grinding audible. The fading sunset against snow made her shadow look like a trail of blood.

Shion cocked her head. “Didn’t we leave her tied up in the house? Wait, do we call it a house or a temple?”

Jo’on laughed, pointing at Nitori. “Oh come on. What’s a kappa going to do? We already beat you up once today. Want another? Festival’s over. You missed your chance!” She pulled an eyelid down and stuck her tongue out at Nitori.

Nitori reached into her dress, and pulled out a key, and a walkie talkie. She clicked it on. “Nitori Kawashiro to Kappa Base. Project Hisoutensoku, launch. Authorization code, Delta, 1, Lima Lima *1. No, I don’t care it’s late, or what project you’re working on, I need this NOW! Look, I’m sure you can stop the soldering for 5 seconds! I’m trying to look intimidating.”

Shion and Jo’on gulped, both suddenly hugging eachother. Jo’on was first to break it. “Grab what you can, book it!”

Jo’on grabbed her stack of gold bars, Shion took a sack out of a crate, and slumped it over her shoulders, both running as fast as they could. Behind them, they heard the mountain rumble. Looking back, 5 iron boxes, each easily larger than any of the nearby trees, launched from rockets, smashing into the ground, their weight leaving large craters. Each box opened up, revealing 4 robotic limbs, and a torso. Metal gears began to wind as they knitted together in a single gundam-like shape. Nitori climbed up the torso and to the head, using the key to unlock a cockpit.

Jo’on shrieked while Shion cried.

“W-where are we… we running to!!!” Shion sobbed.

“Away! Away! Away!” Jo’on yelled back.

As they ran past a rock, a shadow leapt over them, making them squeal again. It was thankfully human shaped, Seiga passing by Shion. She hummed as she plucked her hairpin out of Shion’s hair, causing it to fall in its normal raggedy mess. “Oh good, I see you girls had fun. I wish I could see Chimata’s face, but she’d look at me suspicious if I did that. I’m just going to take this back. Wouldn’t want it breaking. Welp, keep having fun with your play date with Nitori.”

Jo’on shrieked a list of attempted profanities at the wicked hermit, none of them actually making it into an actual singular word; she did, however, manage to flick her off. Shion just made an ‘ow’, as a few strands of her hair came out with the pin.

Seiga just waved, before pointing behind her with her thumb. The eyes of the robot lit up, and in a single leap, the robot rocketed towards them. Seiga drew a hole in the ground, disappearing like a mole. The shrieks of the Yorigami sisters echoed as they both dove out of the way of the robots landed, trying to smash them.

“D-danmaku duel!” Jo’on screamed as the robot dove a punch at her, the giant metal fist digging into the stone ground like it was sand. Jo’on managed to catch up to a sobbing Shion.

Nitori yelled through a speaker. “Did you two want a danmaku duel when you punched me in the back of the head and put that bag over me?! I was working on something too! We’re playing by street rules now!”

“Can we bribe you with something? Cucumbers?” Jo’on pleaded.

“Wait… we have cucumbers? Why didn’t you tell me? You were complaining about not eating real food for weeks.” Shion said… before a metal boot caught her, sending her flying through several rocks in the valley. She bounced off the final one, and sat up, rubbing rocks from her hair, and spitting out a pebble. Jo’on ran past her, grabbing her arm, and helping her up to run again. Shion looked disappointed at the shredded sack of goods she’d been carrying, a few odd fireworks sticking out of them. “Aw… I was going to celebrate our success with those…”

Back in the shrine, watching through the orb, Reimu just rubbed the back of her head. “So… just no one’s going to play by danmaku rules today? I’m kicking all three of their asses when I get up tomorrow. I don’t care who’s at fault at this point. Soon as Yukari’s up, we’re going to have a nice, detailed explanation to the yokai about the Rules of Gensokyo… Kasen, you want in?”

Kasen looked up mid swig of her sake box. Her eyes seemed to shine. A chance to be INVITED to lecture someone? She was definitely in. She also remembered Shiki’s request. Keep everyone safe and make sure the incident instigators are punished. She supposed there went the Yorigami sisters, as long as Nitori didn’t take it too far.

Nitori, meanwhile, taking it too far, was midair in an elbow drop with the robot, the two Yorigami sisters having to dive once more. They managed to dodge the falling robot itself, but a spray of debris pelted them like a machine gun, the box Jo’on was carrying being absolutely destroyed as gold bars clattered to the ground. The impact formed a geyser of snow, Kasen looking out the shrine barely able to see it in the distance with her naked eye. Both sisters coughed and sputtered as they got up.

“Jo’on…” Shion said as she pushed off of the ground, grunting in pain. The sobbing was gone, and her eyes were narrow, her lips pursed. From her side, she picked up a black cat doll.

Jo’on nodded, getting up and wobbling. “Yeah, sis?”

“I’m sick and tired of this.”

Jo’on gulped. She watched a flood of hexes begin to float off of Shion. Sweat dripped off Jo’on, despite how cold she was. She pointed at the robot. “Kappa! You really ought to rethink this! We’re the most despicable and most disastrous pair! Sis is getting angry! Uh… uh… best case scenario is we all lose if she’s like this.” She nervously looked at Shion standing in a wide stance, her black cat doll copying the stance. “Please…. rethink this?” She whimpered, not sure herself if it was at Shion or Nitori.

The giant robot cocked its head as the purple purple hexes began to flood the area “Aren’t you two con artists? I’m not just going to leave when I have you on the ropes!” The hexes began to rain against the robot, engulfing it, and the entire area, each one hitting like a ‘ping’ of a hailstone, the air washing across the entire valley, panting the light orange from earlier into a deep red. Nitori yelped as the robot flailed against the flood.

Jo’on looked at Shion. “You sure? We’re going to lose too. You never win anything.”

Shion stood unblinking, her face frozen, still radiating a smoldering aura. While her voice was always gravelly, it now felt like she was spitting out every word. “Everybody loses. No one wins. No one finds happiness today.”

Jo’on sighed, rubbing the back of her head, cracking it one direction, then the other. “If you say so…”

For a moment, both sisters just stood there. The moment Shion moved her hand, the stormwall broke. In an explosion of movement, Jo’on suddenly ran at the robot taking the lead. Shion raised up both hands as her black cat doll animated, running behind Jo’on.

Nitori managed to get the robot back under control, in a half half crouch from the flood of hexes. Every emergency light had gone on in the cockpit all at once, minor inconveniences, but making her have to rethink a lot of piloting.

She managed to get it moving, seeing the Yorigami sisters on the move. The robot pulled back a fist, and slammed it straight down at Jo’on. The black cat doll sprinted forward in the way of the fist, and held out both hands, somehow catching it despite the massive size difference. It only lasted a moment, before the doll exploded in a burst of stuffing, even more hexes pouring out, scratching the golden paint of the robot. Hydraulics screamed, before the fist pushed through, slamming into the ground. It struck deep, burying itself all the way up to the elbow. It had missed Jo’on, who had had run under it as again the robot whirled, trying to pull back. It finally managed, the entire robot suddenly off balance. Nitori gave a strained “WHAT?!” at the punch taking way too much power.

“My sis might be so gloomy and depressing that everyone can’t help but look at her, but she’s not the only one with a passive aura. No one’s holding back when Mama’s in the house.” Jo’on kissed her assortment of rings on her hand, before pulling back, and giving a haymaker to the crouched leg.

Screeching metal screamed like a car crash as the panel on the leg exploded off, bent around the impact crater. The hit sent the leg flying out from under the robot, making it slip and falling flat on the ground. Jo’on laughed as she rolled out the way, standing back and giving several boxer-like jabs while bouncing on her feet. The gems in her rings shattered, and fell like dust onto the ground. She flicked her wrist several times, wincing, but still bouncing.

Shion held her hands together, and several of her hexes began to condense into a dark orb, firing it into the fallen robot’s chest, again and again, each time denting the red paint on the chest as they smashed into it. She glanced at the popped doll. “Kuroneko… I won’t forget your sacrifice. NO ONE WINS TODAY!”

Jo’on put her hands on her hips. “Ha! Told you, Kappa! We’re gods! You can’t just underestimate us! Show her, sis!”

Shion’s bullets were hitting harder and harder, craters forming in the steel as Nitori struggled to right the fallen robot, new system messages telling her system after system had failed. Grunts of frustration came, before she let it fall on its back. Instead of getting back up, it’s fist fell to the side. Jo’on suddenly looked worried. “S-shion!”

The entire arm suddenly shot off of the robot, crashing into Shion, propelled like a missile from several rockets in its elbow, a ‘thud’ echoing from impact. Shion was sturdy, but she wasn’t fast, having no way to dodge. The sudden red field from her misfortune disappeared, night falling on the area.

While Jo’on’s head was turned with fear watching the rocket propelled fist, Nitori managed to sit the robot up in the snow. She aimed her other fist at the distracted Jo’on. A second “THUD” echoed.

Both Yorigami Sisters were sent flying off again.

With the tension breaking, and the kappa having apparently won, the robot’s head twisted back like a pez dispenser, revealing the cockpit. Nitori gasped for air, stressed as she was. The robot was missing both arms, and one leg was destroyed. Dents covered the robots. “‘Most Despicable and Most Disastrous Pair’? Ha! Nothing in the face of Kappa technology! We have to deal with gods all the time on the mountain. Still, I wonder if I took it a bit too far. The others aren’t going to be happy about the repairs here… ”

She heard a trickling sound, and managed to lean her head forward enough to look down at the robot.

A fuel line leaked onto the ground, busted from Jo’on’s earlier punch to the leg. Next to them was the empty sack Shion had been carrying full of fireworks. Shion stole them to set off to celebrate a successful heist. One of them was standing against a rock, and fell sidewise, aimed right at the line of fuel! It was somehow lit from the fight.

Nitori had wide eyes for a second, completely strapped into the robot. She gulped, and just reached into her backpack, fishing out a cucumber.

“ ‘The Most Despicable and Most Disastrous Pair’ … Why do I have all the bad luck today?” She took a bite with a solid “CRUNCH”. A shadow passed over her, right before a ‘BOOM’ echoed.

Kasen definitely saw it from the window, the light of the explosion now lighting up the now darkened sky.

Aunn looked worried. “Should we… should we help them?”

Reimu was still stomping in the background with her hands above her head screaming about ‘spell card rules’ and gripping her hair. Kasen, however, noticed that Aya had gone missing. Yuuka as well eyed at the empty seat.

Kasen patted Aunn on the head. “Nitori probably made it out of there safe with some help.”

Tenshi still looked nervous as she stole one of the untouched sake bottles from Nazrin, and chugged it. “What about Shion and Jo’on? S-shion’s pretty tough, but that was a big hit, and that rocket fist was going pretty fast. What happens if it hits the barrier, is it going to squish her?”

Kasen sighed. “It’s a conscious-focused non-euclidean barrier of twisting space. As soon as you consciously enter the Great Hakurei Barrier, it will warp space endlessly around you, causing you to become lost. To anything not conscious enough to notice it, it does nothing, allowing birds to migrate through, rivers to flow, sunlight to reach Gensokyo just fine. But if someone would throw a rock and watch it, the rock wouldn’t never leave while being observed. Even if someone like Yuugi threw it. They’ll probably find themselves twisted in space til the barrier turns them around and sends them flying back in. Hopefully the rockets will run out of fuel by then and they can land softer instead of crashing full speed into the mountain or anything. Most of the time, unless a freak accident happens, you can’t leave unless you know the hidden path.”

Reimu shrugged. “Or if you’re me.”

Kasen nodded. “Or if you’re Reimu.”

Mamizou and Nue shared a look, and laughed.

Kasen glared. “What?”

Nue spoke up. “If you can warp your sense of the known and unknown, doesn’t do anything. Few other weaknesses. Me and Mami leave all the time. Actually, so does Suika. And Kanako. Was super awkward to run into both of them and Yukari at a liquor store late at night.”

Kasen narrowed her eyes. “What did Yukari do?”

Mamizou scratched her chin. “Told the cashier we were paying for her. We told him to put it on Kanako. Kanako seemed angrier that we were buying low quality stuff than that we were making her pay for it. Gave us a half our lecture on the brands out there. We saw Suika getting arrested outside for underaged drinking, she didn’t have an ID and no one believed she was legal. ”

Kasen ground her teeth. “So Yukari didn’t do anything?!!? What’s the point of the barrier if no one’s going to follow it?! Anyone who doesn’t know the path and becomes lost on it is a significant amount of work to guide either back in or out of it. Just finding them takes several hours, and if they’re a yokai from inside the barrier, making sure they didn’t leave a trace or their powers passively affecting the outside world by merely existing can be a lot of work. Rumia got out once by accident, took me 3 days to find her. Thankfully the only casualty was some white van marked “Free Candy.””

Reimu cocked her head. “Didn’t Yukari yell at you for not following sanitation rules about going outside?”

Mamizou’s eyes lit up. “You can leave as well? My, my, not such a rule following hermit, are we? Hehe. ‘Hermit’.”

Before Kasen could attempt to see if raw Bake-danuki tasted as good as her Oni memories remembered, Tenshi put up a finger. “So… if that’s a conscious-focused barrier, what would happen if both Jo’on and Shion were knocked out from impact before being sent flying?”

Kasen raised a finger to answer it. “Oh that’s easy-” She then paused. Her finger wilted. Kasen’s head cocked to one side, and she started to walk towards the door. “If you’ll excuse me for a moment. Aunn, would you put your fingers in your ears for just a minute?”

Aunn looked confused, but happily did so.

Kasen calmly walked out of the room. She walked past the main shrine, and out back, walking into the woods next to the barrier.

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”

Her screaming reverberated in the room… past the shrine, and echoed in the nearby hills.

“I'm glad I don't have any neighbors.” Reimu commented as she drank her tea calmly with her eyes closed.

“Oh, don't be so cold, Reimu.” Yuuka said in mock hurt.

“You moved out of Mugenkan. Thank goodness. Least gives me breathing room before you start anything.” Reimu retorted, still not opening her eyes.

“Mugenkan?” Mamizou asked, cocking her head, still hearing Kasen scream in the distance.

Yuuka nodded. “It’s a mansion I used to live in before moving to the Garden of the Sun. It’s actually right across that hill over there, but no one has need of it anymore. It’s on the border of the Barrier as well. I wonder how my girls are doing? It’s been a while. I tend to use it for my more inactive moments should I become bored enough to go into hibernation for a few decades. The bedding there is quite comfortable, but Gensokyo’s been interesting enough lately that I’ve been kept happy.”

“-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”

Iku looked at Tenshi. “Forgive me for asking, Eldest Daughter, does being a celestial give you supernatural lungs? And does the path of the hermit grant access to that?”

Tenshi shrugged. “I’m naturally talented at whatever I do. And while my lungs are supernatural-”

“-CK!”

“-... they’re not THAT supernatural.”

Shimnyoumaru raised her hand from Tenshi's hat. “Anyone else notice her hair buns are weird? Like it doesn't fit her hair flow.”

A synchronized ‘yes’ came from Nue, Mamizou, Letty and Tewi.

Reimu and Tenshi shot a nervous look at eachother.

Yuuka shrugged. “Probably due to that sake she drinks. It nearly turned me into an oni once. ♪Fun times♪. Anyone else concerned she basically just admitted she was a sage and didn’t notice? She’s teeeeerrible with secrets.” Letty had picked up Kasen’s Medicine Box, before slowly putting it back down.

Mamizou laughed as she made a dismissive handwave at Yuuka. "Oh, I figured out both of those secrets ages ago. I'm planning on surrounding her senkai with holly and fish later to mess with her. Oh, speak of the devil."

Kasen walked in, her expression perfectly calm and her face blank. She nudged the fingers out of Aunn’s ears, and sat down.

Reimu opened her eyes, nodding at Kasen. “Get it out of your system?”

Kasen nodded.

“Good.” Reimu returned the karate chop from earlier to Kasen’s forehead with an echoing 'thunk'. “You know there are fairies that live here, right!? They’ll be trying to top that for days. At least Cirno’s dead.” The yokai uncomfortably shifted away from Reimu. She shrugged. “What? Fairies respawn. I just didn’t want HER to hear that. She’d win. Thankfully, it’s winter, Cirno doesn’t have any friends in winter to tell her about it.”

Kasen managed to croak a response, rubbing her forehead.“What about that Daiyousei fairy?”

“Who?”

Chapter Text

Kasen rubbed her throat as she watched Reimu humming happily getting up from the table, away from the orb. Everyone’s gaze followed her curiously as she picked up several talismans and pinned them against pillars in the room. She walked up and picked up one of the two Aunns. “Inside or outside?” She asked.

Aunn shrugged. “If you can promise me things aren’t going to explode, one of me can go over to Myourem. I don’t like to stick together.”

Reimu happily ruffled her hair, setting her down outside. Reimu clapped her hands together, walking back. She put on a final talisman, and the air around the room shimmered, as a barrier formed. Meanwhile, while everyone in the room looked curiously at Reimu continuing with her seals, Sakuya was the first to break and ask. “What… are you doing, Reimu?”

“A secret technique. I call it the ‘keep the hell off my property’ seal. I’ll let people out, but other than portal users, no one else should be able to get in. No matter how ‘fast’ they might be.”

Kasen looked in the distance where the explosion had been, and the empty seat Aya had left. “No good deed goes unpunished, I guess…”

Yuuka gave a disappointed sigh. “Aw… and I had a question for her. I was going to ask her why she puts up with Megumu. She seems downright terrified of her, but… well, she shouldn’t be? I think Aya could give any Tengu a ‘run’ for their money.”

Tewi raised an eyebrow. She held out her arms, and a parade of bunnies uncovered her. She stood covered in fur across her pink dress. “Come’on, Yuuka. Sometimes it’s more fun to play like you're young! I think Aya’s more terrified of being bored than Tengu authority. I mean, other old yokai get lost in time, finding things tedious. Some of them even go to sleep for decades rather than put up with it!” She glanced at Yuuka, who returned the stare. Both had pleasant smiles, but it felt like sparks were forming in the air. “Oooooor, she could play the plucky young reporter, always with some new work pressure, some new story, afraid of her boss over her. She has to act like she’s perfect, like she fits in with the Tengu. Every day is new and exciting!”

Yuuka giggled into her hand. “I suppose that’s true. But there’s a certain appeal to everyone knowing who you are. Your name being given in hushed whispers, making people tremble. Each twitch of your muscles watching the world around you move instead. You never have to go hungry for lack of faith or fear. It’s the best yokai way.”

Tewi rolled her eyes. “Hmm… fear like someone letting concerts into her Garden of Sun for the humans? I gather more fear from my forest, and no one knows who this cute little rabbit is. How much fear do you suppose Aya gets with Bunbunmaru? Which is the better yokai way again?”

Reimu walked over, and slapped talismans on both of the arguing yokai, a jolt of electricity making them both yelp as they clutched the seal, and tried to claw it off their faces.

Guess Reimu’s feeling better. How much power was she pumping into that orb earlier? Kasen remembered the one use exhausting her. Reimu had been going all afternoon. It also put the firepower Okuu had been pumping out uncontrolled into perspective if one errant shot was worth several questions.

During this, Kasen’s eyes wandered towards the orb on the table. She noticed several spiderweb cracks running across it. Her eyes widened, looking around to see if anyone noticed. However, everyone else was watching the three-way fight starting to boil from Yuuka, Tewi, and Reimu. Kasen couldn’t tell if the recent orb damage was from Okuu’s attack earlier, or if watching the entire Yorigami sisters vs the robot fight had overloaded it. She simply observed for the moment.

Mamizou was the next to speak up. “”Eh, I might as well help out a friend seeing as Byakuren’s been oh so accommodating to the likes of me. Why not ask what I knew she was going to, I’m dying to know, anyways. Who sides heaviest on the cause of the humans?”

Kasen again froze, still afraid of her name popping up.

Mid rumble, Reimu glanced over, being held in the air by Yuuka grabbing her robe, and Tewi clawing at her legs. She kicked Tewi off, and backhanded Yuuka’s arm, falling back down. She walked over, and sat down, beginning to rub across the rough orb. Kasen then noticed Reimu’s expression. She definitely had noticed the new cracks too, but was ignoring the damage!

“Who sides most with the humans of Gensokyo?” She asked plainly.

Kasen winced as blue light shot up, glowing across the ceiling, a name appearing.

“Death in the Afternoon, Komachi Onozuka.” The blue light of the orb lit up, showing the current Komachi, predictably, lounging around Kasen’s senkai, snoring loudly while sprawled out over a couch, scratching her stomach.

Tenshi crossed her arms. “Freeloader.”

Kasen glanced at her, but said nothing. One of the two Kasen would invite to her home occasionally and seek advice as often as she gave it. The other intruded, drank her expensive tea, and complained constantly while somehow bragging in every conversation. Despite that, Kasen couldn’t help but smile. She guessed she’d wouldn’t have it any other way from either of them.

The blue lights of the orb showed a surprising flurry of action from the laziest shinigami in the Ministry of Right and Wrong. Komachi hurriedly running people to the doctors, finding missing people, and talking with people across the streets of the city.*1 It flickered to her laughing and chatting with the souls of the dead, secretly using her powers to extend the Sanzu to talk just a little bit longer. Sometimes she’d put her head in her hands, and just listen with the biggest smile on her face. Every time they were dropped off, Komachi looked a little bit sadder: smile fading, eyes hollowing, head drooping. One particular day as the sun was setting, she pushed herself halfway down the Sanzu, before holding her hands out to either side, stretching the distance to near infinity. Left alone, she just sat down in her boat, curled up, and cried.

The next day came, however, and she was back to smiling, helping out in the village where she could. Sunset and sunrise came and passed in a quick stream of images from the orb. Komachi rushed to help people as the sun set. She wiped sweat from her brow, and looked down, finding her hands transparent. Rather than panicking, she just smiled, and waved off the humans as she headed to her ferry, a long line of souls already lined up.

Kasen gulped while watching it. No wonder Shiki was worried about her. “ “She who doesn’t work, neither does she exist.” She really does love humans, doesn’t she?”

Mamizou gave a thought ‘hmm’ to the sight, taking a drag on her pipe, before Reimu pinned it to the wall with a needle.

Kasen nodded with a smile. “Yeah… yeah… guess that’s just who she is.” I might be ready to leave this world behind, to become a celestial, if only in my wildest dreams, but nice to see someone who cares so much about it they have trouble leaving it behind, even if they don’t belong. I guess I already knew that, didn’t I? Why it’s nice to have Komachi around, she’s my opposite in every way imaginable.

“Hmmm. I think I’ve thought of my question.” Yuuka announced, snapping attention back to her as everyone looked back. She finally tugged the seal off of her head, and then held her head, gritting her teeth. She shook it off. “So, little miss gap hag keeps saying she’s 17. So… that leaves me to wonder if little old me is the oldest of the yokai?”

Kasen leaned in, curious as well, before Tewi bounded up to her, like a rabbit. Kasen noticed something wrong with her, her eyes actually pleading like she’d been caught in a snare. She motioned to the seal on her head with a look of urgency as Reimu put her hands on the orb.

Kasen wanted to leave it on. It served her right for picking a fight with Reimu of all people. But even she couldn’t resist the puppy dog eyed look of the con woman. She sighed. This is going to suck

She grabbed the seal with her real arm, feeling a jolt of electricity, and yanked. She grunted in pain from the magical backlash, Tewi doing the same.

However, Tewi got to work, and let out a wave of power, instantly glowed gold. Panting, she began to sweat with the glow, eyes half lidded as she pushed a bit harder. No one else was paying attention to her, before she dropped. Kasen helped to sit her up, Tewi a bit clammy as she gave a thumbs up.

“So, who’s the oldest yokai?” Reimu asked the orb as light started to spill out. However, before the answer could come out, Reimu did a double take, looking around the room. “What the heck is she doing up?”

True to form, a ribbon formed in the air, and then another, unzipping reality itself as a gap portal formed. Shimnyoumaru laughed from Tenshi’s hat, her newly claimed nest of infinite peaches, a half eaten peach nearly as large as she was next to her. She pointed at the portal “Ha!”

A groggy woman in pajamas shuffled out, holding a carton of milk, obviously sleep-walking with her eyes closed. Wild blonde hair spilled out messily, not combed in several weeks, it being mid winter. She continued to shuffle until she hit the table, suddenly whacking her shin, and sent her sprawling onto it.

The carton of milk went flying, smashing into Tenshi and Shinmyoumaru. “Hey!” Tenshi screamed, drawing her sword. Shinmyoumaru drew her needle in a series of cute but angry squeaks.

A ‘thwip’ echod, and suddenly, the milk was gone and dried. Sakuya standing next to her with a bow, and a wet rag. Tenshi grumbled and put her sword away. Shinmyoumaru leapt off at Yukari with needle out, but Tenshi snatched her out the air, and put her back in her hat.

A groan came from the shattered table, the orb sent flying. Reimu ground her teeth. Yukari shook awake. “What the… this isn’t my kitchen? Did I gap to the wrong place…?” She rubbed her eyes sleepily, looking up at Reimu from the destroyed table. “Hello there, ♪Reimu♪….zzzz” She was already snoring again.

Reimu rather violently kicked the sage, sending her bouncing off the ceiling, against another wall, and then finally sliding down another wall.

Yukari took a moment, still yawning as she stood up. “That’s not very nice… oh. Oh! My, my, so many yokai inside the shrine? Have you decided to finally keep the name “Yokai Shrine”? While I think the idea’s fantastic, we do need a human shrine keeper. Hmmm. Next best thing, Kasen, do you still have those miko robes? I think you looked fantastic last time. Not as good as Suika*2, but, well, we couldn’t have an oni running the shrine. That just wouldn’t make sense.”

Kasen had many retorts spring to mind, each one more vulgar than the last. However, there weren’t enough words to describe just how badly she wanted to hit Yukari with a chair. She settled instead with an annoyed exhale.

Yukari cracked her neck looking around. A gap portal slowly descended over her body, every inch it touched changing her clothes from her pajamas to her everyday purple and white dress. “So, what do we have here…?”

Reimu held up a hand, then just gave the same annoyed exhale Kasen did. Mamizou, however, had a malicious grin. “Why, we just were having a nice little fair. We bribed Reimu to have an afterparty for us, Elder Yokai. Oh, and Shinmy, Tenshi and Sakuya too. She’s as racist as ever, but still likes money. See, she found this nice little orb that answers questions-”

Yuuka hummed, and put a hand on Mamizou’s shoulder. “♪Now, now, no need to involve Yukari♪. It’s mid winter after all. She should probably be getting back to sleep. After all, I would feel embarrassed if I showed up in just my pajamas. I would just want to sleep the whoooole thing off.."

Letty popped up with a surprised “So that’s Yukari?” from the ground.

Yukari’s eyes glimmered at the apparent suspicion. “I see, fascinating. I would love a chance to see what this orb can do. But, having just arrived, what was the last question?”

Mamizou’s grin could only be described as predatory. “Yuuka here just wanted to know about who’s the oldest Yokai.”

A vein on Yukari’s forehead bulged. “Does she now? My, my. Yuuka, I thought we had this discussion. It’s not nice to pry too deeply in questions like that. You might… -” her eyes opened menacingly “-offend someone.”

Yuuka hummed, brandishing her parasol like it was a gun, leveling it at Yukari. “Well, a yokai’s job is to inspire fear. I just didn’t expect the Yokai That Lurks in the Boundary to be so fearful. Would you like to play a little?”

A gap ran past Yukari's arm, her own parasol being summoned from the void. She absent-mindedly rubbed her chin. “I’ll have to remember to ask Ran to get some more milk after I’m done planting flowers.” She then seemed to remember Yuuka was there and batted her parasol away. “Oh yes. Sorry, you were drolling on. Shall we ‘play’ atop the mountain?” Yuuka nodded, and a gap started to fall across them both, whisking them away.

Reimu grabbed the orb from the ground and put it on the destroyed table. She glanced at Mamizou. “You’re covering the cost of the table.”

“W-what? Why me? Yukari broke it!” Mamizou seemed more amused than hurt.

“You said, well, Sakuya, you repeat what she said.”

Sakuya bowed. “I’m sorry, but I don’t remember.”

Reimu groaned, getting up to whisper in her ear. Then about halfway up she realized it wasn’t worth it. She pointed back at Mamizou. “You said “We’ll make sure you don’t get any debts from this”. That table is now a debt. Deal with it.” She sat back down, and glanced at the Yukari shaped indent in her wall and ceiling. “Those too, by the way. Now. Anyone else want to know who the oldest yokai is?”

A chorus of shrugs came. Mamizou put her hand up, but a set of dowsing rods were suddenly aimed at her throat. Nazrin spoke up, shaking. “If Yukari’s going to throw that much a fit over it, I definitely don’t want to know! We can let that be an unanswered question. Fight me.”

Mamizou smiled and backed down, letting her hand fall back down.

Kasen glanced down at the downed Tewi. “I’m going to go help Tewi real quick. Reimu, please open the room.”

Reimu smirked as she quickly did so. Kasen glared at her. “And reopen it. I, at least, can bypass it if I need to, but I don’t think you want me to.”

Reimu grumbled, but complied, a hole opening up in the room's barrier.

Kasen hefted the small rabbit yokai like she was a bag as she walked out.

Chapter Text

“So… this the part where you dress me down, and try to get as many secrets out of me as possible? Like what the golden light was and everything? Or maybe you give me a stern lecture on how the whole Okuu thing ended up? Because, not going to lie, that was kind of hilarious.” Tewi prattled on as Kasen sat next to her on the shrine porch. Tewi’s legs were kicking under the shrine, Kasen sat in a meditative pose. A vein on Kasen’s forehead twitched at the last comment, but she just took her medicine box out, and measured a small amount out for Tewi, offering it without saying a word.

“Am I the only one in Gensokyo who’d rather just have a beer rather than sake or wine? I don’t like the taste.” Tewi complained. She took a swig regardless. Instantly fatigue washed away from the rabbit.

Tewi continued with her questions. “Not going to ask how I know about Reimu’s orb? Or what sinister prank I’m going to do next? Or play a word game where we both see how much of each other’s secrets we get them to slip by pretending we know more than we do? As The Bare Rabbit of Fine Words and Flattery, I like to think I’m pretty good at that game. Come on, ask me something! You’re making this awkward.”

Kasen took her shou box back, and quietly took a sip herself. “Are you alright?” She finally asked.

Tewi blinked, cocking her head. A poignant pause passed by, wind blowing past the shrine. Tewi nervously twitching as her head cocked back and forth, her rabbit ears flopping with each pass. She stomped her foot on the ground a few times, and growled. Finally, she just put her head back. “You know… “ she started off, “... in Eientei, they’re like family to me. I even LIKE some of them, but they just seem to assume I’m doing fine. Fugitives and all that; they’re all about giving each other space. If we need each other we’re there. And all the rabbits seem to think I’m super awesome, so they don’t ask me either. Huh. You know… I don’t know.”

Kasen nodded, still in the same meditative pose. “I saw Yuuka’s parasol didn’t have any hexes on it, despite Shion collecting it. Nor anyone else’s confiscated items. It was like someone balanced out the bad luck with the good. In fact, it seemed like my medicine box came back with extra good luck for some reason.”

“Ah, trying to fish out how my luck wor-”

“Thank you, Tewi.”

Tewi looked like she’d just been stabbed by a knife. “B-but I blew up Tenshi, and Okuu nearly melted down. I destroyed your fake arm in a prank, and was being a general nuisance. Was I not trying hard enough? Oh. Oh no. Reimu’s karate chop must have scrambled your brains!”

One of Kasen’s eyes opened, glancing at Tewi. “Huh. I expected self flattery. Isn’t making yourself look good kinda what you do?

Okuu was always going to go wild, and I suspect you chose Tenshi for a reason. The worst injured person was Marisa, and you didn’t have anything to do with that one. But I’d wager Shion tackling her did. If everyone took back their items and they had misfortune on them, the night would have ended much differently. Reimu still had a hex on her. You were tackling her leg with the Yuuka fight to get rid of it, weren’t you? I have a guess at what you’ve been doing with your pranks, but, like you said, prodding each other about our powers is probably something you’d win at. You have much more experience than I do there after all.”

Tewi kicked her feet under the shrine. “Probably.” She said with absolute confidence. “Take a guess on me anyway.”

“Hmmm… you said you picked up a few hermit arts, even though you’re not a hermit. I can believe someone not a hermit learning their arts” I can believe that all too easily… “You disappear and reappear when no one watches, walking the Hidden Path. You control rabbits like I control most beasts. The way you manipulate the Forest of the Lost is like how a hermit controls their Senkai, for instance, how I control the climate in mine. One art I’ve always been envious of Miko for is redirecting luck. Maybe you do just have infinite luck. Shion has infinite misfortune after all. But, let’s say, you didn’t. One could, theoretically, redirect luck away from people by making misfortune befall them constantly… much like your pranks do.” *1

Tewi held out her hand for the Shou box again. Kasen raised an eyebrow. “Too much will make you like an oni. You said yourself you don’t like the stuff” She warned. Tewi took a swig anyway.

“Maybe that would be a faster way of doing things. Long as it gets me drunk.” Tewi looked up at the moon, her eyes transfixed with the full orbs reflected in her eyes. “There’s… something I want to do. Someone I want to help, they’re not in Gensokyo, but, well, I’m not strong enough to do anything. I haven’t been for a long time either. Yokai generally get stronger with age, but I wasn’t ever that strong in the first place. I’ve had to be tricky my entire life. ‘It is said that although the rabbit is supposed to cross the river, it tricked and crossed the shark.’ Hehehe, good times.

Someone liked to say I was a lucky rabbit. I liked it when he would pet me and call me lucky. He said he wanted me to share that luck with everyone. It was… a while ago. A long, long, long while ago. And then, it was a longer time still. Biggest lie I ever told was not saying anything when he said that, and I’ve told a lot of lies. I wanted to be lucky, though. But, by the time I figured out how to become lucky, well, that someone was gone. I don’t… I don’t really LIKE people. I don’t want to share luck with anyone. I feel like any time I trust someone they’re going to rub salt in my wounds again.” Kasen noticed Tewi rubbing her arm under her dress and flinching in pain. “I don’t want to help people… I REALLY don’t want to help people… but…. I just remember that someone asking me to bring good fortune to as many people as I could…”

Kasen’s gaze fell on a river in the distance, and began to recite the old story, mostly to herself. “The hare, to cross the water, yelled to the sharks of the sea that the Inaba clan was more numerous, and challenged to count the sharks one by one to prove it. Doing so, the hare climbed from one shark to another, until at the end, the hare yelled that it had tricked the sharks. In a rage, the last shark attacked the hare. It tore its fur off, and left it on the beach, the sun cracking its bare skin. Meanwhile, 80 princes passed by in search of a princess. They passed by the hare, and told it to bathe in sea water, making its wounds worse. But the last prince, Daikoku, told the hare to bathe in the river, and it helped soothe its pain."

Tewi nodded. “Yup, that’s me. Lots of things stories don’t say anyways. Like one of those jerks kicked me in the seawater. Or that Lord Daikoku smelled kinda like sandalwood… I was always a smooth talker, so telling the princess someone sexy was coming, and you could tell by his smell was hilarious. I was a pet after that… it was the lap of luxury… He asked me to keep being lucky, even though I wasn’t really. Not then…

I kinda wished it would last forever. But, you know, eventually he kicked me out. Me! I’m awesome! And he still kicked me out! Abandoned me to the wilds! I became a full yokai after that.”

Kasen noted Tewi smiling fondly despite the complaints. “It was right before he was sealed away, wasn’t it?”

Tewi bitterly nodded her head. “I went looking for him, but, well, there were other stronger things than ‘lil old me out there. A young and tasty looking rabbit yokai has no place in the world! I had to be careful. I wandered around, and around. Course, never thought to look at the moon. Over a thousand years passed and I kept looking. Not really sure when I left the islands, and went to another land.

Walking around, I saw the weirdest stuff. One time there was an army attacking talking goats. *2 Apparently there was some great hermit there they were mad at. An old man walked up behind me, saying I was lucky, I arrived juuuust in time. I called him an idiot. Then he asked if I wanted to help him with a prank. Proooobably wouldn’t believe it now, but I wasn’t in the mood for pranks then. Hehe, I was the idiot, there’s always time for pranks! When a soldier spotted me, a yokai, and the hermit, he charged us, before falling in a pit trap! That old hermit told me sometimes someone’s misfortune is another man’s fortune, and asked if I wanted to know how to do that.

I didn’t really care for that whole ‘way of the hermit’ thing, but he definitely helped me cheer me up, and taught me how to steal luck. We pranked the hell out of the kings in the area after that! Pity he died.

So, yeah, long story not short, I store up luck. I heard Reimu was hosting something, and thought it would go super wrong and I could steal a bit more than normal. But…”

“You keep using your stores and are in the red?” Kasen guessed turning to Tewi. Tewi sighed, not bothering to answer, her gaze still on the moon. Kasen nodded, giving her a moment of peace. “Huh, I don’t think I’ll ever get along with you, but I do think under those salty wounds of yours, you are a good person. Eientei is lucky to have you.”

The knife twisted, and that DID make her turn away from the sky to look at Kasen. Her ears flopped again. “You know, I blackmail people, con them, steal from them, play potentially lethal pranks, my forest has a greater kill count than Yuuka, and I am doing horrible things to make more rabbit yokai? I’m like if Shion and Jo’on didn’t suck at what they do. People just don’t notice.”

“Mokou’s been playing guide for centuries, and the only person your traps get most of the time is Reisen." And if you want kill count, I dwarf you AND Yuuka put together... " You said earlier that you wanted Shion’s misfortune. I think you do hate helping people. But you do it anyway.”

Tewi flinched, but stared back at the moon. “Yeah, getting truly lost in the Forest of the Lost has been harder since Mokou started living there. Not that I could kick her out if I wanted to, that human is a monster. And with Eientei coming out of the shadows, Eirin has been pushing me to make the pathways through the forest looser ‘in case of emergency’ to let people into the clinic. And more and more incidents. I try to avoid them, but, well, I give Reisen a bit of luck whenever she does go out to solve them. I’m not nearly as scary as a yokai should be. I’ve seen a thousand ancient yokai disappear, but, what if I do without ever helping out Lord Daikoku? This impossible request is all I have left.”

Kasen looked down, pitying Tewi. If she recalled right, the story of the Hare of Inaba was over 3,000 years ago, making her more than 3 times Kasen’s age. It was an unimaginable amount of time. Kasen briefly wondered if Tewi had ‘crossed the sharks’ had been more than a regular river or sea, or if it had been the Sanzu itself. If she had been the one to steal that orb from Shiki, then Kasen suspected that not even dying HAD stopped Tewi.

And to make it that far, and still have a goal so unreachable? That much, that much Kasen could relate to. The pure lands itself, impossible for both of them. Kasen, into the celestial realm of Heaven. They’d never take an oni, but she tried. She had to. Her training was all she had left. It was salvation to her. Tewi, meanwhile, wanting to free Daikoku from the Lunar Capital? Equally impossible.

Kasen reached out towards the moon as well with her bandaged arm, no closer to reaching the heavens than the rabbit the moon.

The two sat for quite a while, both watching the sky.

Tewi spoke first. “I blasted that room with good luck, but that orb’s busted. It ain’t holding together all night.”

Kasen’s brow furrowed as she stood. “What happens if it doesn’t hold together?”

The rabbit shrugged, standing up. “I dunno, never used it, why I gave it to Seiga. I’ve never been as strong as Reimu. Probably only person in there I could take their lunch money is Nazrin. I just wanted to screw with Shiki.” Kasen could respect that.

Kasen nodded. “That orb still probably has too much energy. Even if we convinced Reimu to stop using it, if it went off randomly in storage it’d be bad. Better to let her use it for as many questions as she can first. It could go off next question, or last a few hours.”

Kasen knocked on the barrier, and a passage formed. As the two entered, almost every jaw was on the floor. Shinmyoumaru was giggling and dancing on the broken table on the ground. No one even noticed Tewi or Kasen, staring in horror at the inchling.

“Why would you ask that? Wait, Reimu, why would you ANSWER that?” Nazrin asked with eyes bulging.

“I-I was curious!? I didn’t think it through, alright!” Reimu screamed back, holding her hands over her eyes..

Nue raised her hand. “All in favor of banning Shinmyoumaru from ever being allowed to ask the orb a question again, say aye.”

A unanimous “Aye” rang out. Kasen worked her way where she was sitting next to Letty. Tewi, meanwhile, was dismissing her rabbits. They literally disappeared, while she had a perplexed expression on her face.

Kasen turned to Letty. “What’d I miss?”

Letty looked paler than usual. “Well… I’m not repeating what the inchling asked, but the Nue… I think she’s called Nue? She asked if it could see her true form. No one could really understand it, but she seemed pretty angry at the image, and she yelled out some old language that creeped me out.

After that, Aunn asked what some dragon turtle mafia person was planning, and it showed her in a chair watching some blue screen while in her underwear while eating ice cream and crying. Sakuya and Mamizou called it a TV, and ‘binge-watching’ respectively. Apparently she wasn't planning anything against the shrine at the moment. It was... It was kind of sad to watch. *3

Then the oarfish yokai asked how long the celestial was supposed to be in exile, and was pretty annoyed by finding out the exilement was just supposed to be until the celestial party was over. I think it was several years ago?”

Kasen’s gaze shot to Tenshi, tied up by Iku’s veil and hanging from the ceiling as if in a great cocoon. She had one of Reimu’s power nullifying charms on her, and a large welt on her head. Her hat had fallen on the ground. “What…?” She asked. “I’m…*sniff*... a great celestial. D-don’t you dare pity me!”

Kasen’s expression went blank. “Oh no… the delinquent celestial is running away from home instead of an exile. I suppose that means next time you visit that means you’ll be providing food instead of stealing all of mine. Seeing as you aren’t in actual need of help?”

“H-hey! Hermit! Where’s the normal kissing up you normally do?! I’m a celestial, praise me! I-I’ll tell the other celestials about you otherwise!”

Kasen blank stare continued. “When…?”

“H-hey! Hermit! Hermit! HERMIT!”

Another seal was slapped on Tenshi’s mouth by Reimu, muffled whining continuing. “Mmmmgh….”

“Thank you.” Kasen said.

Reimu gave a thumbs up as she sat back down. She blinked a few times, shaking her head again. “Alright, that takes us down to Sakuya, Kasen, and Tenshi. Iku bribed me to seal Tenshi, but she did help out, so I’ll just leave her as last.

A sweat drop fell down Kasen’s forehead at Reimu, so brazenly admitting to bribery. Then again, she supposed the whole afterparty WAS just one large bribery.

Sakuya flickered with a ‘fwip’ as all the used cups in the room disappeared. She stood clearing a mug with a rag that looked suspiciously like one of Reimu's old bows. “I believe I have my question.”

Reimu raised an eyebrow. “Took you long enough. I was afraid I’d have to listen to one of the hermit’s lectures somehow from her question.”

Sakuya nodded. “I’ve never put much faith in the gods, and I continue not to. But I am curious, you really don’t seem to know who the Hakurei God is? I don't either, so consider it my question.”

Reimu’s eyes lit up. “Wait! I could have asked that at the start!?”

Kasen rubbed the back of her head. Did… did it never occur to you? I think it’s pretty obvious if you think about it, but Yukari’s obviously missed some PRETTY important steps in your training…

Reimu started to pour in power into the orb.. “Who is the Hakurei G-” *4

A sudden ‘CRACK’ echoed in the room. A blastwave sent Kasen flying backwards through the barrier Reimu had set up, shattering like glass.

Chapter Text

“My, my, I take it I’m free to ask my question?”

A gust of wind whipped up snow and ice across the side of the mountaintop. A frozen lake reflected the moon behind them, and Moriya shrine was in the distance. Yuuka floated in the air, a spell card still behind her back, slightly damaged, but still standing. Three other burnt out ones to the side had shown how well the fight had gone. Both her and a doppelgänger pointed crossed parasols at Yukari, energy still dissipating, and with it, the doppelgänger. *1

Yukari was on the ground in a disheveled heap. She, however, had a pleasant smile despite her crumbled body. “It was a magnificent round, Miss Kazami. Who am I to stand in the way of-”

Behind them, an enormous bang echoed. A large pillar of light shot into the sky, arcs of green, white, and red flowing in ribbons out of it.

Yuuka groaned. “Why does it feel like whether or not someone defeats you, you never lose? Allow me to guess, you weren’t even trying. It’s not fair toying with my heart like that. I really thought I’d beaten you. Small wonder you don’t have any friends.”

Yukari stood as a portal fell down across her body, all of her wounds and torn clothing disappearing as she phased through it. She only yawned in response. “It's winter, Miss Kazami. No flowers are in bloom, neither of the field nor of my schemes. I’m tired. I would love to ‘play’ with you, but by the time summer rolls around, I’m machinating and you’re babysitting all the fairies in the Garden of the Sun.”

“Hmmm…How many centuries has it been since we’ve had a real go at it? ♪It’s a real shame.♪ Still, shouldn’t you be interfering down there? That was the Hakurei shrine that just exploded.”

Yukari waved the thought off with her hand. “That’s rich coming from you, of all people. There’s already a sage present at the scene, and I’d prefer not to interfere if I don’t have to. I will if I have to, but I think it’s covered.”

Yuuka landed gracefully on the snow. “What do you think Kasen will do?”

A smile widened over Yukari’s face. “Why, Miss Kazami. I have no idea! Okina’s power is probably greater than mine, I couldn’t say no to her as a sage. Ibarakasen, meanwhile, is just so entertaining. She’s a walking contradiction. I can never guess any of her own schemes. She even managed to drag our cute little shrine maiden all the way to hell without me noticing.”

Yuuka cocked her head, putting a finger to her lip. “Hmmm, that was her? My, my. Contradictions like pretending to be a hermit, but obviously being… something else? I can’t quite put my finger on it. Oni perhaps? Not that I care. She doesn’t seem particularly fun to play with. I’m convinced she wouldn’t go all out, like a certain someone here. It’s what makes me pause on the oni guess. What sort of oni doesn’t like to fight?”

Yukari snapped a fan open. “Oh, absolutely she would hold back. She looooves to fight, that’s why’ll never let herself. Not seriously at least. Of the three sages, she is both the strongest, and by far the weakest. I think Reimu and Tenshi ,” Yukari practically spat the celestial’s name, “are the only ones to see her full power, and even then, she had one heck of a handicap. At least, that’s what Ran could gather for me while she was in hell during the Land Ownership Incident.”

Yuuka tucked away the surviving spell card. "My, my, you shouldn't tease me like that, Yukari. But holding back bloodlust is hardly enough to be a 'walking contradiction'. Otherwise I might become one, and I like to think I'm far too simple to be a contrarian. I expect it from a hermit.”

Yukari smiled. “You’ll notice she says she walks the way of the hermit, or is an ascetic, not that she is one. Always careful with her words, she can’t lie worth a damn. But the likes of her aiming for heaven? Pffft, she’s probably the vilest sinner in Gensokyo.”

Yuuka put a finger in the air, putting two and two together. “That’s why she stopped Reimu from answering who has the most kills?! Now you REALLY make me want to mess with her. But, I take it she’d be too patient to get angry…”

Yukari continued to peer down behind her fan. “Absolutely. Both the worst sinner, and the best saint in Gensokyo. She never stops eating, but is absolutely an ascetic; how long since she’s had meat or fear? Side of the humans indeed. Always preaching temperance, but the first to act on instinct. Seeking heaven, but owns library full of entrances to hell. Over 1,000 years old, but terrified of dying. Powerful, but missing her ‘power’. Seija could learn a thing or two from her. And yet, or maybe because of that, Kasen constantly creates solutions I could never dream of.”

Yuuka nodded along. “That’s nice and all, but I’d rather an explosion not take out my mansion. I haven’t visited in years, but I am fond of it, and despite Reimu’s poor memory, I am her neighbor.” Yuuka cocked her head, before her eyes opened slightly, hearing a crunching of snow as two new people joined them.

“Aya, when you asked if I wanted to take my stargazing equipment to the summit, I didn’t expect to find two troublemakers. What are you two doing on our mountain making a mess?” Megumu trudged through the snow, Aya in tow.

Yukari gave a friendly smile, but a vein bulged. “What are you tengu doing in my Gensokyo making a mess? That article you had Aya write on me wasn’t very nice. But, perfect timing, Megumu. I have a perfect star to point to. If you wouldn’t mind.” She motioned to the Hakurei shrine, the tengu elder sighing.

Yuuka clapped her hands together. “Excellent idea! I’ll go get Elly to get me mine!”

Yuuka disappeared in a green orb of light. Aya blinked. “Isn’t Yuuka infamous for being slow and taking her time? Since when can she teleport?! I’m supposed to be the fastest in Gensokyo!!!”

Megumu likewise rubbed the back of her head. “She was dangerous enough to the Tengu without knowing that…”

Yukari shook her head. “Hasn’t seen her servants in a decade, and the first thing she does is wake them in the middle of the night to grab her a telescope. Really?”

Aya raised her finger to complain about Yukari's hypocrisy, having interviewed Ran about ‘servant punishments’, but then eyed Megumu and let it go. She supposed there could be worse masters.

-------------------------------------------------------

Ringing filled Kasen’s ears as she blinked, slowly coming to. Black spots swam in her visions, only patches of vision slowly coming back together. A groan slowly escaped her lips. “Uuuuuh….” It was the second time she’d been laid out that day. Only falling water droplets finally got her to shake her head and sit up. She rubbed her head, only to feel something rough against her head. She yelped as she found one of her hair buns missing. Quickly she opened a portal, grabbing an emergency one and re-hiding her horn.

Her hands worked on muscle memory, though they slipped up multiple times. Her vision slowly swam back. Standing next to her, Letty had moved in between the blast, and some of the weaker audience members, a shield of ice protecting Sakuya and Nazrin behind her. Sakuya, only being human, was still completely knocked out; and Nazrin was whimpering, hardly any better.

Letty's body had been partially torn apart by the blast, but instead of blood, snow and ice fell from her veins. Her skin shattered in places, and she was missing one arm. As she turned, one eye was glassy and half her face had faded to icy blue.

However, each of the cracks slowly pulsed, and was regathering ice to refill it, winter’s chill in full swing. The process would probably take several hours before she was fully restored, but she didn’t seem too bothered.

Kasen’s heart sank as she saw a pile of rubble, and a pink dress. A carrot necklace hung from a nearby pole. However, the rubble shook, and Tewi sat up. Her eyes were slightly slitted, and Kasen remembered her overly drinking from the medicine box. The slight onification had saved her as well.

She slapped her rabbit ears several times trying to get the ringing out, before wobbling over to Nazrin and Sakuya to start triage.

A hand pushed the lid of a nearby bowl up, Shinmyoumaru climbing out, before passing out across the edge of the bowl, moaning in pain. Kasen was left wondering how durable WAS that bowl she kept?

Closer to the blast radius, she saw Mamizou huddled behind a shifting glob of darkness, who’s shape Kasen couldn’t ever seem to identify. It slowly started to resettle into a heavily injured Nue shielding Mamizou. A rare look that would almost pass as concern crossing Mamizou’s face as she caught Nue from falling.

Iku seemed to have read the atmosphere, having stood up and walked behind a pillar right before the blast, Aunn luckily beside her.

Aunn dizzily stumbled side to side. “Reeeeeeimu… you promised…I don’t wanna sleep outside, I’m an inside do… komainu.”

Kasen gulped, looking for the last two people there, the ones she was fondest of. How was she supposed to explain to the sages that the shrine maiden had exploded? It’d been at least a century since the last time that had happened.

Two things came into focus. One, the orb in the middle of what was once the shrine, jetting out fiery energy in great streams into the sky. Two, Reimu standing close to it, completely undamaged, but backing up from the sheer heat turning the snow into steam. She looked down at her hands. “W-when did Innate Dream activate?” She seemed too shell-shocked to be angry… yet. Golden hue faded from her body, as well as everyone who survived. Tewi’s gift of luck had run out.

The only person Kasen couldn’t see worried her. Tenshi was already hurt. But, she also was one of the most durable people in Gensokyo. Hopefully?

Either way, the pulsing orb shooting light took priority. As if demanding attention, another shockwave, this time thankfully much smaller, causing everyone to flinch for a moment.

Iku put a finger in her mouth and pulled it out, closing her eyes as she felt the wind coming off the sphere. “Reading the room, I expect that all the energy inside the orb will probably go off in 34 minutes if not stopped. I don’t think the lady Yama ever used it as much as we have today, and it was already damaged.”

The half-shattered Letty stood forward, looking exhausted as she reached out her remaining hand. “I’d like to go to bed. Let me handle this.”

“Wait!” Kasen called out the same time Letty held out her hand.

“Winter Sign: Flower Withering Away.”

Dozens of blue bullets shot out, forming a flower of cold energy around the orb, before all shooting into the center, the sheer cold of the chill causing a layer of hoarfrost to climb up everyone present.

All the energy disappeared into the orb, before it pulsed again. Reimu acted quickly, holding up talismans, quickly forming a barrier around it. “Duplex Barrier!”

A shockwave blasted out. It seemed to bypass the barrier completely. Kasen groaned as a layer of ice froze her completely, before gritting her teeth, a vein bulging on her head. She powered through it, panting as it shattered like glass around her. In front of Reimu, a keystone had shot up, Tenshi frozen in front of it. She broke out with sheer force like Kasen had, though she fell to one knee. “Ha! You hired the best security there is, shrine maiden! You aren’t worthy of a celestial like myself! You can now grovel before my greatness.” She fell the rest of the way into the snow, face first. “Start your praise. Any… time now…”

Kasen shook her head, but smiled. Tenshi was… relatively alright. And far too into her role for how much she’d been complaining earlier. Kasen nudged her with her foot, and she groaned, before grabbing one of her peaches. She looked at it like it was garbage, before taking a bite.

Iku held up a finger again. “7 minutes after that.” She readjusted.

Letty cocked her head, snow falling out of a crack in her cheeks.

Kasen let out a breath. “It’s releasing all the energy it built up. It seems like it’s taken on the attributes of people who’ve put energy into it. This is Okuu’s destructive nuclear power about to detonate. It just took in your chill. I don’t think we can use any energy on it.”

Letty looked at Reimu. “And what’s her power?”

“Floating.” Reimu answered unhelpfully.

A poignant pause echoed. “Seriously? How’d you thrash me?” Letty asked.

“She can float between reality. No barrier can hold Reimu, and hitting her actively is difficult. Also means no barrier can hold this orb either. Don’t feel bad. Reimu’s beat everyone here at least once.” Kasen explained.

Reimu proudly put her hands on her hips, before another crackle of energy echoed, causing her to flinch again. She snarled, and shuffled through the ruins for her staff. “Can’t believe I let damn yokai talk me into letting them into my shrine.”

A thought suddenly horrified Kasen as she stood looking at the column of light. “No… barrier… can hold her…” She looked up at the border of the shrine grounds, and the forest beyond… at the great Hakurei barrier. “No…no…no… NO!!!!”

Reimu froze, her intuition kicking in. For a moment, it looked like images were flashing through her eyes too. “We gotta get rid of this thing!”

She tried to walk closer to it, before ice crackled across her robes, not letting her close to it, gusts of winds blowing her, and everyone else, back.

Iku held up her finger again. “6 minutes.”

Chapter Text

“Five minutes.” Iku was now using Sakuya’s pocket watch to tell time, the maid sitting behind her, twiddling her thumb, her ability banned from being NEAR the orb.

“Look, both of us know a little about Yukari’s gaps. Sure, we can’t direct it like the hag can, but, eh, we can just open one under it, and hope it drops somewhere less damaging. I’m pretty lucky.” Reimu said almost nonchalantly. “Aunn, you find it yet?!”

“And what if it ends up in the human village? I’m an expert on my own portals, but I don’t dare use them on the orb in case it interacts badly with them.” Kasen shot back. She eyed around the destroyed shrine for Reimu’s ‘luck’ that day. Her vision went towards an exhausted Tewi, noticing the golden glow gone from the rabbit. Tewi seemed more off put by it, constantly off balance, and looking at her hands between applying bandages to Nue.

In the distance, Aunn raised a hand. “Yeah, Reimu, that safe is gone. Gone, gone. Definitely not where I left it. Could be halfway to the forest of magic with that explosion.”

Reimu clutched her oversized bow, head flopping back and forth.

“Reimu! Priorities!” Kasen barked.

Tenshi was mid-bite through her third peach, and looked disgusted as she tossed the pit amid the rest of the ruins before standing. Her wounds had mostly healed yet again, though the strain of such rapid healing was starting to show. She looked exhausted.

Reimu shook her head.“Well, fine, you said you’re an expert on your own portals. Get your dragon to fly it out of here. Your Hidden Paths can drag him.”

Kasen nodded. “That’s not a bad idea.” She opened another portal, different from the gap portal, no glowing eyes in the background. Briefly she glanced at the portal, reconsidering if she could toss the orb through it if it failed. She wasn’t so selfish as to not put her home on the table, but living on Yokai mountain put a large part of Gensokyo’s yokai population at risk if she let it detonate there, and had a feeling her original suspicion was correct, it would interact badly with portals. Her Hidden Paths were less versatile than Yukari’s gaps. There was also Okina’s back door, but as much as she grated on Kasen’s nerves, a massive explosion was not one present she’d gift. Even if Okina was fine, she was a vengeful god.

A gale flapped through the area as, through the portal, a young dragon flew. It coiled in the air in a great spiral, stopping in front of Kasen, majestic in its presence.

Kasen pointed at the orb. “Koutei, how far away can you carry that?”

Koutei turned and roared at her. Only Kasen understood it, and bit her lip.

“Look, I know it’s late. I know I already called a favor today. I know you had to listen to ‘that celestial’ yap. Yes, I’ll make it worth your while. I just need you to grab that orb about to explode, and drop it somewhere remote. Quickly!”

Another roar echoed as it argued. Kasen’s vein bulged.

“I apologize, Koutei, but I don’t have time to negotiate. Grab it, drop it somewhere remote, and get OUT of the blast area. I don’t want you getting hurt either.” A heavy aura fell around her as she stared at the dragon. Her eyes turned to slitted pupils, their more natural oni appearance. The dragon’s eyes went wide as well, before he nodded suddenly, his eyes returning the slitted appearance and yellow hue.

Koutei shot at the orb with a roar. It grabbed it between its claws as it flew past in a great flurry of scales, before whipping upward in a gust. Ice ran down his scales, the glowing pillar of light blasting out frost, but the dragon was stronger still.

Kasen and Reimu both gave a sigh of relief. Kasen turned back to Tewi. “The secret doesn’t leave this shrine, but you asked earlier. THAT’s how I control the spirit in my arm. It’s not a hermit art. It’s my own power. I don’t like using it, though. ”

Reimu let out a laugh, before returning to the ruins of her shrine. An instantly irritated expression passed over her face. She turned to Mamizou, the most wicked smile Kasen had ever seen curling up the shrine maiden’s face as she approached. “So… I believe someone told me We’ll make sure you don’t get any debts from this.. So, who exactly is paying…? Chop chop, racoon. I’m sleeping SOMEWHERE tonight… and IT will be my bed by tomorrow at the very least.” Aunn raised her hand. Reimu nodded. “Aunn too.”

A hand burst out of the ground like a zombie, scrambling furiously for purchase. Reimu grabbed it, and hoisted up a fairy that looked like a tornado victim just dug out, wearing a battered and torn star-spangled motley. “Oh, and ‘Piece, too.”

A gulp came from the Bake-danuki. “Did I say that? I’m sure, uh, if we band our resources together, us older yokai definitely have enough. Y-yuuka has a mansion, right?”

Reimu cracked her knuckle. “And where is Yuuka right now? I still don’t have a place to sleep tonight.”

Mamizou scrambled backwards, til her fluffy tail hit a broken pillar. “Well, uh, th-that hermit has a mansion too, I’m sure she’ll help!”

Reimu crackled her other knuckle. Aunn joined in. Clownpiece fell to the floor moaning… and then cracked her knuckles, too, weakly.

“I live in a cave, what do you want from me!?” Mamizou confessed.

In the distance, Tenshi was watching the dragon. “Hey, hermit, did you use that orb earlier, too?”

Kasen was giving an amused look to the carnage about to unfold on Mamizou, before her attention snapped to Tenshi. “Yeah?” A moment passed before she processed what Tenshi was asking. Kasen’s eyes widened and she looked up in horror. Her young dragon, now high in the sky, was still flying straight up to gain altitude before finding somewhere to drop it.

Another pulse shot out of the orb in a blast. Kasen was sure Koutei could handle it without a problem, but she hadn’t accounted for her own ability! Suddenly his eyes snapped out of it, and he roared in rage, dropping the orb straight down. His tail flicked as a heavy gale blanketed the shrine in a blizzard, and he flew away.

Letty cocked her head, healing slightly faster with the blizzard, her face now whole. “And what’s your ability, hermit?”

Kasen facepalmed.

“Three minutes.” Iku said, looking at the pocket watch, before the gale made it to them, and obscured everyone in a sheet of white. A rumbling echoed on the ground.

Kasen gulped. She had many secrets. Many things she could do. But she kept them closely guarded. This problem, though, this one was hers for messing up with summoning the dragon. “I… can exert control on others. I like to tell people it’s guiding animals, a-and I can, b-but… well,I tried to force Koutei into compliance… the orb undid it. More precisely, it sent out a stronger wave, but it doesn’t have a mind of its own, so it was a blank command. Koutei came too and wasn’t happy with me.”

Reimu snapped her fingers. “Is that why the other you could control so many skeletons- I mean, uh, when…”

Kasen gritted her teeth, ignoring everyone else as she stroked the air. It was another trump card as she watched the orb descend between pauses in the white out. An even larger portal than before opened. “I did not want to play this…” It was the largest portal she’d ever opened. She gave a gulp. One dragon was already a pain in the ass. And that was a child. This one, she did not know what favor this one would ask her in return, and her ability absolutely would not work on him. A morbid thought echoed in her head. Reimu DID want to know about the Hakurei God…

Laughter erupted in the middle of the blizzard, high above them. Before Kasen could finish the portal, her attention was drawn towards it. She could hear Tenshi in her grandiose, grating, performance voice. “Well, if we’re taking suggestions where to put it, I’ll take care of your problem, Reimu Hakurei. You’d better build me a statue, I’ve earned it! Hahahaha! If you don’t know who the Hakurei God is, just worship me!”

A break in the blizzard showed Tenshi, riding one of her stone keystones, mid air with an outstretched arm catching the orb…. And continuing to rise as another whiteout hid her from view.

“D-did Tenshi just use Reimu’s full name?” Kasen asked with worry.

Iku’s voice was far more concerned. “E-eldest daughter!? I know what you’re thinking! Don’t! Eldest Daughter! CHIKO!!” *1

Another break in the white out revealed a small dot with Tenshi, flying straight into the sky, picking up speed. Kasen’s heart skipped a beat. Not just straight into the sky… Straight into the heavens… Kasen angrily punched a standing pillar, causing it to fall over. “Tenshi, you idiot!”

Kasen wiped her hand past her open portal, dismissing it completely. That plan was now ruined by Tenshi. Technically, she could just let the delinquent celestial handle it. She’d never ACTUALLY make it to the heavens in time. Would she?

Kasen gulped. Whether or not she did, there was no way even Tenshi would survive that thing detonating so close. The fact she could even hold it was a testament to how powerful Tenshi was, but it couldn’t be easy to do for long.

It was Tenshi. Tenshi? So why was Kasen panicking so much more than the rest of the event. Okuu going wild hadn’t made her so anxious. Even the thought of begging Yukari didn’t measure against this. Who actually cared about the delinquent? Kasen remembered her barging into her house, again, and again, demanding snacks, boasting about her day, interrupting Kasen’s training. The ruined parties. The wild antics she’d pluck the hermit into. Asking her to use her abilities with animals for mundane things…

What could Kasen even do? She was going for an insane gambit of calling the dragon god, but while he might, MIGHT, care about the barrier, he would not care about just one celestial. There wasn’t anyone strong enough to resolve the situation.

Strong enough…

Kasen continued to dither, racking her brain. From earlier in her meditation, memories were flooding her mind instead of ideas. Blood. Carnage. Burning Villages. Wicked laughter. Why couldn’t Kasen think?

Iku had fallen to her knees looking up, before glancing at the pocket watch. “Forty seconds. Lord Nai is going to execute me… Today was just supposed to be a fun day off…”

Yuyuko’s advice from earlier rang in Kasen’s ear.

You think too much like an Oni, Kasen.

A drip echoed as warm blood fell from Kasen’s hand onto the ground where her fingernails dug into her palm. Laughter started to echo. Just the laughter Kasen remembered. Wicked, evil laughter. Reimu looked concerned as Kasen’s chains jingled. She had a smile, but it looked more like a jaguar dripping with a kill than anything friendly. Kasen snapped with a quick movement, still with wild eyes. “Reimu, have Nazrin grab The Oni Cutter fragment out of your storage shed.” Reimu was caught off guard by the request. Kasen’s head snapped just as quickly as she barked. “Tewi!”

Tewi shook her head, rubbing her arm. “Luck’s gone. It hurts. Like, it hurts like sea water on an open wound hurts.”

“What’s the range of your Hidden Paths?”

Tewi looked surprised. “The length of the Forest of the Lost-”

“Just barely good enough. Open me a path to Tenshi.” Kasen ordered. She reached into her own portal, pulling out of it a simple wooden box, sealed in dozens of Reimu’s tags. Every single one of the Yokai present instinctually backed away from it.

Like an oni…

Chapter Text

Ragged breathes mixed in with the sounds of rushing air and pulsing of energy. Tenshi could just barely see the floating island in the distance, a much, much larger version of her keystones. The place she called home. The place she hated more than any other place on the planet.

Things were whiting out again, and Tenshi violently shuttered, ice breaking off of her and falling as giant shards. Her keystone looked more like a frozen comet at this point.

She glanced at the island. “Not… not going to make it. Tsss.” She inhaled sharply, and picked up speed. “Gotta… gotta make it.” Rage mixed with pride. Reimu couldn’t deal with this orb, therefore if she did, she was better than Reimu. But that much was obvious. She always was! Still, there was something about that shrine maiden, Tenshi couldn’t put her finger on it.

She was just a human. But everyone had such respect for her. She could beat nearly anyone in Gensokyo. But, well, it wasn’t just strength. Whenever anyone had a problem, they came to Reimu. Even Tenshi got invite after invite to her parties. When Tenshi tried throwing a party, her celestial banquet, it sucked. Only Shion liked it, and well, Shion was adorable, but she was happy with anything…

Everything on earth was swill anyways, so, what was different between a good party and a bad one? Even beyond that, why were Reimu’s so packed?! Why did everyone love her? It wasn’t her personality, Reimu blatantly hated all yokai, so why were they enamored with her? No one asked Tenshi to fix anything. No one ever thanked her either.

White again filled her vision, Tenshi losing altitude as her frozen keystone grew heavier and heavier. She could control the earth, but all the ice was just extra weight, and Tenshi was already exhausted. But she saw the island of Bhava-agra again.

“I’m going to at least do ONE good thing! GAAAAAAAAAAH!”

Tenshi screamed as she grabbed her sword in the platform, and pulsed it with power. The shell of ice shattered, and Tenshi shot like a meteor right at the flying island as she laughed madly. Her body felt like it was on fire!

Her hat full of peaches flew off her head, fluttering down to Gensokyo below. She shrugged. “Always hated peaches anyways. Ugh. Think I’d rather starve.”

So why DO I keep that hat anyways?

However, something made her turn her head. A phasing sound, a portal. She’d normally have more wits to identify what kind of magic it was, but she was in too much pain. She took a step back, only to find herself colliding with a wall of muscle and a fragrant flower.

She turned her head, and looked at the flower on Kasen’s shirt. She rolled her eyes.

“Not the time, hermit! I get to be the hero today, I don’t have TIME for your lect…ures?”

Her eyes caught the clawed hand, and slowly trailed up the bicep, as well defined as even Yuugi’s. And it was the wrong arm. Tenshi stumbled back, drawing her sword out the ground, staring up not at Ibarakasen, but Ibaraki Douji, The Crafty and Treacherous Oni. “What… the hell?”

Kasen’s full oni form had her massive horns sticking from both sides of her head. Her body pulsed with power, and even the way she moved was different. Normally, Kasen had a feeling of restraint with every movement, slow and calculating. Even when she fought there was an air of forethought. This form, however, was rippling with power and confidence, a casualness to each movement.

Tenshi hissed. She told herself she could have taken the oni in hell, without Reimu, but she played support for the shrine maiden, saved her life. Not that anyone ever thanked her for it. It… it just wouldn’t be easy… probably. She eyed the orb, now more cracks than sphere, the energy bursting out of multiple holes in it. The arm she cradled it with was starting to turn black. She didn’t have time for this!

The oni stared at Tenshi, and began to step forward. There wasn’t much space on the keystone anyways for the delinquent celestial to back up TO. She gritted her teeth… only for the oni’s hand to fall on her head, and ruffle her hair.

“W-what?!”

“I got it from here, Tenshi.” The monster said. Tenshi laughed, holding the orb more closely, before the oni’s eyes locked with hers. It felt like she was drawn into the predatory slits, the intense yellow glowing like the sun.

Tenshi didn’t know the meaning of fear, she’d never had enough common sense to know it. She STILL didn’t, her mind absolutely sure she could fight the oni. But, her body felt something new. Her knees trembled, buckling under her as she found the orb being plucked out of her hand. She didn’t know if she was shaking from the cold, tiredness, that new feeling, the command, or sheer RAGE! But her tired body let her eyes roll back as she collapsed.

Kasen meanwhile clutched the orb, still almost in amazement how different everything felt. It took her every bit of willpower to not stop and stare. It felt like every moment before now, and her 1,000 years when she’d lost her arm, had been spent shackled, bound, and thrown to the bottom of the ocean.

Every movement was just… just so easy right now. Her muscles, always screaming in pain, particularly her severed arm, was… just feeling so good. Even holding the orb, which she wasn’t sure she could even approach earlier, wasn’t even an annoyance. The cold seeping off of it was like a bag of frozen peas, not the embodiment of a frozen death ray.

The downside was the insistent rumbling of her stomach. A thousand years without any real food. She could generally hold it back, but, right now? Kasen couldn’t hold anything back. She kept having to wipe drool away with her arm. Tenshi, however, smell horrible to the oni, celestials being naturally poisonous to yokai.

She shook her head, now wasn’t the time to stop and stare. She hated her full self, and worried how she’d return to normal. Part of her whispered. “Then don’t return.” She realized it was out loud. It wasn’t some imagined part, it was literally the other half of her, a very real personality.

She chuckled. “Well, partner, we’ll sort THAT out after this. The arm of power, or the core of reason… ”

She took a deep breath. Power radiated in every single cell in her body as she tensed up. She held the sphere like a baseball pitcher, ready to throw. Right now, her goal was anywhere not near Gensokyo.

Her muscles felt like mountains shifting. “Uuuuuh, I’ve missed this…” Veins bulged across her biceps, and up to her forehead as she clenched her jaw.

The mountain that was her body warned of the impending eruption. She just had to toss it away. Far. Far. Away. And while the Great Hakurei Barrier would stop even THIS form’s best throw, it wasn’t a perfect sphere, it was more like a cylinder, and it did not go up.

Kasen’s foot slid back as she looked up at the clouds, not so far away from her, a giddy excitement. “I haven’t shattered the sky since the great four… Suck it, Yuugi.”

Something, though, felt odd. She noticed a purple aura radiating across her body. Her eyes drifted down. Enhanced sight in her full form, she saw an absolutely shit eating grin on Tewi’s face as a golden glow started to radiate again… as she stole and siphoned luck. Her earlier statement echoed in Kasen’s mind.

“Almost wish Shion and I could trade powers for a day.”

“Oh, that lying bi-”

A sudden crack from the orb forced Kasen’s attention. By sheer reflex, she threw the orb, as hard as she could.

As.hard.as.she.could.

A sudden ‘FWUUUUUUMP’ echoed in the area as wind blew away from Kasen and Tenshi. The sheer force had floored the celestial, and left Kasen panting.

A cold breeze blew past as moonlight shone across her face. She slowly raised her head to see the stars overhead, twinkling in perfect clarity. She didn’t know what Tewi had done, and she didn’t care right now. She glanced back down, to see the rabbit gone.

----------------

Atop Yokai mountain, Yukari chuckled as she leaned over a telescope, and motioned to Megumu, who looked like her jaw was on the floor. “It looks like the reporter did strike gold, it IS an excellent night for stargazing, despite the earlier clouds. Oh, let’s be sure to keep any stargazing discoveries to ourselves. I don’t think most of Gensokyo is into the hobby quite as much as yourself. This is a wonderful piece of equipment...”

Yuuka hummed happily as she readjusted her own dusty old telescope, only the lens cleaned as she looked up. “♪Awwww…. Yukari, it’s almost crueler to let me see something like that and let me know I can’t play with it.♪” Her face rose from the telescope, and narrowed. “And double so for the Tengu…” A ‘thud’ echoed as next to Yuuka as a blonde girl dropped a scythe into the ground, falling to her knees. Her master tutted. “Tsk, Tsk, Elly, do try to compose yourself.”

Megumu shook her head in awe. “I’d feel offended and think that you were threatening me if you hadn’t admitted to flying by the seat of your pants earlier, Yukari.”

Aya was furiously scribbling notes, before Megumu held her hand out to stop her. Aya cocked her head.

“What, this is the biggest story of the year! Decade? Century!”

Megumu shook her head. “Kasen, the hermit, is harmless. Whatever the HELL that is, we do not want to be encouraged to come out. I’d rather deal with her charade than the real thing.”

Aya growled. “What DO you want me to write? I can’t lie to our dear readers, and everyone’s going to ask what happened to the night sky.”

Megumu stared at her incredulously. Even Yukari rose up to give Aya a look. Yuuka continued to stare in fascination at the telescope though. Megumu shook her head. “A drunk oni broke the sky. That will do, and is close enough to what happened. Make sure to give Suika enough booze to black out so she thinks she did it.”

Aya was the one to stare back aghast. “Do we HAVE enough alcohol for that?!”

Yukari returned to Megumu’s telescope. “Never doubted her for a second.”

Yuuka didn’t even look up from her own. “Is that why you had a gap open behind your back the entire time?”

“I have no idea what you mean.”

-----------

In the Forest of Magic, Alice had Marisa’s arm slumped over her shoulder, helping her open the door to her house.

Alice just finished turning the knob when a stack of books and stolen goods flooded out the door burying her. Marisa stumbled out the way, before both of them looked up at the sky as suddenly moonlight flooded the formerly dark woods.

“Huh… wasn’t it cloudy a few seconds ago?”

-----------

Reimu looked unhappily up at the sky as Nazrin shuffled through her storage shed. “Would it kill you to clean this once in a while?! And yet still not as bad as Marisa’s house.” The mouse shrieked as she tossed newspapers out the way. However, she paused at Reimu’s silence, and turned to look at the sky.

A large hole had been blown in the cloud formation. Perfectly circular, and unnatural, cutting through several layers of cloud… like something had blown the clouds away. It was so sharp she could see the layers of cloud on top of eachother, like a cookie cutter through dough. Stars glimmered in the distance as the hole perfectly illuminated a single spec against the moon.

Bhava-agra itself was obscured by magic until one was close, but that left Tenshi’s keystone as the sole visible speck in the distance.

Reimu just shuffled her crossed arms. “Ugh. I do NOT want to deal with that… Look faster, mouse.”

Nazrin squeaked, threatening a barely paying attention Reimu with her dowsing rods, before she looked back up at the speck in the sky and shuddered. She pointed her rods around the room again, the rods quivering at a corner. A rotten leaf was folded, smelling rank where her rods were pointing.

Reimu shook her head, before an idea popped in her head. She didn’t know Gaps like Yukari, but the hag had taught her some things. She stroked the air, opening it, with a smirk. Reimu’s intuition was never wrong.

------------

An off-tune whistle continued as Okuu slunk towards the chasm to the underground, eyeing around to see if anyone was following her. Everyone else always got to go at it and have fun, why were people always made when SHE did it? She gulped. If she made it back quick enough, she could placate Mistress Satori before anyone else broke the news. Besides, who from the underground was even up there? Rin had her back.

A voice made her yelp. “Okuu… what’s with that whistling? You only do that when you did something stupid. Actually, what are you doing up here?”

Yuugi was walking up the path. For a second, Okuu smiled to see her… before seeing Rin slumped over one shoulder with a large welt on her head, and the corpse from earlier on the other shoulder. Okuu's head tilted to the side in a confused expression. The corpse didn’t look like a corpse anymore. In fact, she looked bored. “Unyu? I didn’t do nothin’.” Okuu denied.

Yuugi cracked her knuckles.

Okuu suddenly scrambled, flying away, before a hand shot out, grabbing her lead lined foot, and slamming her straight down onto the stone ground. “Ugh… I-I maaaay have had a small match over at Reimu’s place. Now I’m afraid she’s mad at me…”

Yuugi looked down at Okuu, before putting her hands on her hips and laughing. “Got into a fight, did you, and went crazy?”

Okuu looked more excited as Yuugi seemed to understand. She nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, I made things go boom! There was this person called Yuuma there! She was great! Oh! And a maid! And a half ghost swordswoman! And a rabbit!”

Yuugi laughed harder. Okuu joined in, not sure what was funny, but afraid to ask. Yuugi slapped her knee, putting Rin in her own wheelbarrow. Okuu bowled over in a harsh laugh. And then Yuugi’s hand came down in a massive karate chop, a dust cloud of freshly ground dirt shooting up like a geyser as Okuu was buried upside down up to her waist. The fact her wings had been buried too was impressive.

“You idiot! You can fight like that all you want underground, but these topsiders have rules!!! Ugh, now they’re going to yell at me, and worse, Satori. You wanna have a good fight, come by the hotsprings during my break! I’ll give you a fight!”

Yuugi sighed, before plucking Kaguya off her shoulder. “Sorry ‘bout Rin thinking you were a corpse, princess. She’s normally better at telling. Which way do you live?”

Kaguya crossed her arms. “A’www… aren’t Oni supposed to kidnap princesses? Worst kidnapping ever…”

Yuugi raised an eyebrow. “You want to be kidnapped?”

Kaguya shrugged. “Life’s about new experiences.”

“Alrighty, then. Ain’t gunna treat you dainty though.”

The princess patted her slender bicep. “I’m stronger than I look, I’m ready to throw down!”

Yuugi threw her head back into another deep laugh from her core, before reaching down, and grabbed Okuu’s foot again, and pulled her out like a radish. “Uuuuuunyu…what… are you… doing topside anyways…?” Okuu half asked, half moaned.

Yuugi shrugged. “Mizuchi was being a bitch. (*1) I wanted to clear my head. So told everyone she was in charge of the springs, and broke a few water lines on the way out. She was getting flooded by spirits and cursed out by Parsee last I checked. That, and I thought I felt an old friend, thought I’d say hi… Looks like she’s busy though. If you’re going back down, take Rin and Ms. kidnapped princess here with you. Think I’m going to sit up here for a while and have a good drink.”

Yuugi continued walking past Okuu through the snow to a nearby rock outcropping. She took a seat, and stared up at the sky. She gently smiled as she held out her sake dish to the seemingly empty air. The air formed into a black mist, and then a solidified arm, pouring sake from a jar into the dish. Yuugi held it out, perfectly capturing the moon in it while Suika floated in the air nearby. Neither oni said anything as they watched and passed the endless supply of drinks back and forth.

------------

Eirin sat on the porch of Eientei, staring up at the sky, her eyes slightly trembling. “What… IS that?” Her eyes, that of a lunar god’s, could make out the horns of the figure atop the stone, but wasn’t quite good enough to see who.

An extremely tired Reisen stumbled in. “I’m back master… Master?”

Eirin shook her head, all fear in her eyes disappearing. “Where are the princess and Tewi?”

Reisen gave a very prolonged sigh. “Master, I never know where Tewi is… I keep trying, I’m sorry, she got away from me, said something about a, and sorry for the language, her words, not mine, ‘drinking party with a bunch of dipshits’. I think the princess is with Mokou? Mokou had killed her last time I checked.”

Eirin nodded. “She’s with good hands then.”

“The two are always trying to kill each other, is that good hands?”

Eirin shrugged. “At least I can keep track of them, and no real harm done. At least she’s not spending money then, or doing something irresponsible. She’s entertained, and I don’t have to watch her, it’s the best babysitting service I could ask for. You look tired, why? Weren’t you just selling medicine in the village?”

“Reimu roped me into being a paramedic at her shrine for some event. I tried to refuse, but, full list of injuries: one heart attack on a native deity,
One shrapnel injury requiring surgery on a human,
Two asthma attacks, one witch, one lunar rabbit,
Three cases of extreme radiation poisoning and 3rd degree burns on two lunar rabbits and a sparrow yokai,
One dead Taotie,
Multiple dead fairies, I stopped taking count,
Three concussions on a Bake-danuki, rat yokai, and a rokurokubi
Sword wounds on a magician,
Broken bones on a true hermit,
Frostburn on another true hermit,
Two cases of stress cardiomyopathy on the same karakasa obake
Severe concussive damage, exhaustion, burn marks, and collapsed lung on a celestial. I’ve prepared a report. In the end, I ended up using your ultramarine elixir on them and called it a day.”

Eirin blinked, almost surprised her apprentice had handled it so well without calling for help. Also, what had happened in the shrine? She needed answers, but Reisen looked like she’d fall over. The newspaper likely would have some answers, but tended to over exaggerate. She’d probably have to grab Aya directly… The only good thing about being the best doctor in Gensokyo was everyone owed her at least one favor. She smiled at Reisen. How many favors were owed to her apprentice alone tonight? “Very well. I suppose I’ll head to bed as well and trust the princess to Mokou.”

Reisen slumped through the main entrance, but as Eirin went to follow, a tug at her dress made her turn. Tewi stood behind her. “Yes?” Eirin asked. Tewi always showed up when she was needed, but never when she was wanted. It concerned her to see the mischievous rabbit. What was worse, while Tewi looked more beat up than even Reisen, there was a look of pure joy in Tewi’s eyes.

“If I were you, I, uh, might wanna stay up a biiiit longer, oh brain of the moon, Ame no Yagokoro Omoikane no Mikoto. Think your other apprentices miiiight wanna call you soon. Btw, Reisen wasn’t paying attention, Kaguya’s in the underground. I think you should go make Reisen rescue her!”

Eirin’s eyes widened. Since when did Tewi know that about her? Actually, that made sense. Why did she bring it up? No one in Eientei brought up each other’s past. Eirin took a deep breath. “Tewi… what did you do?”

------------------

On another world, silver dust picked up as the Earth was visible in the background. A crater full of scars larger than skyscrapers trembled.

Raspy breaths could be heard from a visage of pure rage, as tails of energy wrapped around a tattered woman with a contorted face. “Chang’e… Chang’e… ARE YOU WATCHING?! Chang’e…Chang’e…” A large gash across her stomach was starting to heal itself as her form was returned to origin and purified.

A swordswoman flicked her sword, blood from it splattering across the nearby crater. Behind her, an avatar of a godly woman stood around her, boney fingers wrapping protectively around her, and flowing hair curling around. The avatar looked like death itself. “Junko, your madness ends tonight. Even if you could get into the lunar capital, I doubt even you could kill a Hourai.”

“Chang’e…Chang’e… Cha… huh? Do you hear that, Yorihime?” Something seemed to break Junko out of her sheer rage as she cocked her head curiously.

Yorihime shook her head and gripped her blade with both hands. “Not falling for it.”

A whistling sound sharpened, a red trail in the sky growing closer. Yorime raised her blade with godly speed to intercept it, cutting it in two by instinct, before she saw anything. In the fraction of a second her eyes fell on the object, the two sections of a cracked crystal orb.

The explosion echoed across the area as a mushroom cloud formed.
------------

Kasen’s eyes fell from the beautiful sky onto the island in the distance, Bhava-agra. Even her wicked side was in awe, the full oni whistling at the sight, waterfall perpetually spilling off the side, and beautiful trees and ponds all throughout. The keystone she was on was starting to descend, Tenshi huffing for breath.

Her stomach growled again, but the smell of Tenshi was more offputting to her wicked form than appetizing.

Don’t look down at Reimu, don’t look down at Reimu…Sweet… sweet Reimu.

Tenshi near wheezing didn’t stop the celestial from snarling, before driving her fist into Kasen’s gut. Kasen was more concerned about the ‘crack’ she heard from Tenshi’s hand than her own ribs. “Are you alright, Tenshi?”

“Tch, no one can let me be the hero, can they? I was going to do some good!! There’s nothing good about Bhava-agra! What, had to ruin my plan just to save a floating island of people who probably, best case scenario, won’t ever notice you exist?” Tenshi yelled.

Kasen had never actually seen the celestial angry. Annoying and aggressive, yes, but anything outside of pompous? Hardly ever. Kasen’s eyes stared at the beautiful island again, the one she’d dreamed about almost every night. “Tenshi… this is probably the closest I’ll ever come to heaven. I know that. But, if that orb had gone off, even you wouldn’t have survived it.”

“And?! Least I’d do some good for the world by getting rid of that place!”

Kasen shook her head, and rubbed Tenshi’s head again. “I don’t think Shion would think that’s a better world… and, to be honest, neither would I.”

Tenshi snarled, but took a moment to respond. Kasen’s eyes continued to drink in the closest she’d ever come to Heaven. “You’re an oni, aren’t you? Why don’t you just take what you want? You could fly up here any time.”

Kasen gave a deep exhale. “That’d defeat the point. What I want isn’t an island in the sky. I could probably figure out how to make my senkai do that if I cared enough. I want… I want something better. I want to be better. When Yukari approached me about her Gensokyo project, I originally told her to get out of my house, but, then she asked if I wanted to do something good for the world… Even if I never get to Bhava-agra, at least I can be proud I’ve done SOMETHING to make up for what I was.” She motioned to her body: a wicked thing.

Tenshi stayed quiet for a long time, Kasen watching the island start to fade as the magic obscured it again… before it reappeared, and started to grow closer as Tenshi focused on her keystone.

“What are you doing?” Kasen asked.

Tenshi flinched. “Shut up. I’m out of magic and this hurts. But I suppose I can show you around. Just a little bit. I know the best place to watch the sunrise. And I guess I could do with a luxurious mattress for a few hours. Not those rocks you peasants call beds. I’m never returning home, but that doesn't mean I can’t visit. No one tells me what to do! Hehehe, can you imagine the look on my father’s face if he notices me bringing an Oni home? He threw a fit when I brought Suika.”

“WHAT!?”

Chapter Text

The sun slowly crawled across the top of yokai mountain, the shadow cast brilliantly even dimming the air behind it. A cold morning breeze blew, kicking up a few whisps of white from the top. A peaceful scene ruined by a massive rumble as Kasen rubbed her stomach.

Drool cascaded down her chin, and heavy pants as she struggled to keep herself together. A foul smell by her was off-putting enough to stop her just lunging for something, anything to eat. The foul smell of a celestial…

Behind her, Tenshi continued to rattle off about the place, Kasen wanting to pay attention, but failing to keep focus. It didn’t help how half of the information was Tenshi hate bombing every single resident of Bhava-agra, and the other half was bragging how much better everything not a person was.

Closing her eyes, Kasen reopened them and turned to her left, seeing a mirror image of her old self kicking her feet below her, her full Arm of Douji. *1

“Mmmm… see partner, I can behave. You’re the treacherous one. Oni aren’t supposed to lie, but you lied to me when you got Red and White to seal me. That’s just not fair. Just like a filthy human.” Her Arm of Douji accused without ever looking at her.

“You lost. Isn’t an oni supposed to respect power? Uuuugh…” Kasen felt queasy.

“A little hunger getting to you? Do you actually HAVE any self control? Every time I look in on you, you’re eating. Not filling, is it? Never actual meat; real meat anyways. Come on, you don’t have to put up with this morality bullshit. Eat. Be an oni. Be happy. It’s killing me seeing you so… so… pious. Ain’t oni like at all. Still, I did lose, why I’m behaving. I’ll be here, partner. Whenever you need me. Whenever you want to go back to the good ol’ days…”

The normal Kasen pointed down below at Gensokyo with her bandaged arm. The morning had started, and figures were darting across the land. “That green dot is probably Sanae, she’s my neighbor, and is a good girl. Sometimes. There, that red dot with a scythe is Komachi. I’m amazed she’s up; her title is ‘Death in the Afternoon’, and not ‘Death in the Morning’ for a reason. I’m guessing Eiki found her, after all, yesterday and is making her work overtime for slacking off. I’m hoping she’s headed away from my house for pleasure, and not business, Kume’s not been so well lately, his feathers are starting to fall out…I’ve had over a 1,000 pets, but it still hurts whenever one passes.”

Her Arm of Douji looked quizzically at her. “Why are you telling me this? I am you. I know. Longer we’re together, the less separate we are. The more of your memories are mine.”

Kasen smiled. “Those are my friends. People I can help. People I HAVE helped. They’re everyone I can rely on. Yeah, sometimes I miss the old day. But they aren’t coming back. Suika’s sober maybe twice a month, and Yuugi’s a work-a-holic. They’re still there, but we've all changed. And I’m just starting to think I like where I am, and where I’m headed.”

Her arm shook her head. “Unbelievable. Well, you’ll be back. Sure, it’s an emergency this time. But there’s always going to be an emergency, eh, sage? Asking me for help’ll get easier every time. I’ll always be right behind you, like a shadow of your own death.”

Both figures faded to Kasen back in her real body, still panting with feral eyes. Tenshi had stopped talking.

Behind them, the ‘twip of a portal had sounded. It sounded like one of Yukari’s gaps, but… rougher somehow.*2 She could hear Tenshi reach down to pick something up, and draw her blade. Slowly, a smile started to crack across Kasen’s fangs. I won’t even interfere… this time, partner.

Part of Kasen almost wondered if Tenshi was going for her arm, or her neck. The hairs on her back tingled, and she felt cold thinking about it. The last time Kasen and her arm had been connected, she was convinced Reimu was going to strike her down. She’d set up every eventuality to make sure it had happened. She’d delivered the oni cutter blade to her. She’d asked a special favor to Zanmu to open a path to Avici, and asked Zanmu to make sure she was reduced to nothing. She’d sealed her house in case ALL that had failed, to give Gensokyo time to prepare if the oni, Ibaraki Douji, had returned.

And the entire time, she had been terrified.

It made her shiver as she heard Tenshi step closer, able to see the shadow of her blade rise up. Kasen looked one more time across the spreading sunlight, and took a deep breath. Her eyes slowly closed, burning the memory, and she waited.

Another breeze passed.

The blade fell.

A single swing, she felt searing pain scream across her body. Her arm fell to the ground, and Kasen gritted her teeth. She cocked her head, almost unbelievingly, looking at the arm on the ground… before falling to the ground and flailing. A gargled cry came, before she inhaled, and screamed louder. IT HURT!!!!

The island rumbled as the injured oni flailed again and again, Tenshi standing triumphant, her sword glowing a strange blue as a familiar piece of metal hissed in the middle of her blade, temporarily fusing with it: The Oni Cutter and her Sword of Houso as one.

She put her hands on her hips. “No need to thank me, hermit. I, a superior celestial, will show you the path to heaven! Oh hohoho! I watched Reimu do it last time, and I ♪naaaaailed♪ it.”

Kasen was almost touched that Tenshi, even in this form, was calling her hermit. Sadly, she was more convinced Tenshi WAS touched. Kasen gritted her teeth way too hard as she gripped her stump, and hissed out. “...ng arm…”

Tenshi cocked her head, looking down as her long blue hair whipped in the wind of the heavens. “What was that, hermit? Huh… did you disappear last time before reforming? Why aren’t you disappearing?”

“Nnnnngh… haa….haaa.” Kasen took a long, drawn out breath, managing to get up to a crouch. “YOU CUT OFF THE WRONG FUCKING ARM!!!!”

The sheer volume blasted Tenshi away. “W-wait, there’s a wrong arm?! I thought I just had to cut one off and the magic sword took care of the rest?”

“NOOOO!” Kasen screeched.

*3 There was a great battle of good and evil between the peaceful hermit Kasen, and the oni Ibaraki Douji. Once again, the two were side by side… with the Douji holding back Kasen if a full nelson as Kasen struggled. “I’ll kill her! I’LL KILL HER!” Kasen screamed.

“B-but I’m the evil one!!? Gah, I’m supposed to be tempting you by degrees, partner! Don’t do it! This celestial’s not worth it!”

Their actual body was still standing stunned with wide eyes from the blood loss starting to hit hard.

“D-do I take you to Eirin?” Tenshi asked, panicking as she picked up Kasen’s severed good arm from the ground.

Kasen's pained breath slowed down, before she managed to call out, “T-take me to Yuugi… she’s patched me up from worse back in the day… I do NOT want Eirin to find out.”

Inside her Douji side cheered at Yuugi’s name.

Tenshi nodded, stabbing the ground as a keystone formed, before Kasen held out her remaining arm. “W-wait… the longer I’m like this, the harder it will be to turn back. J-just… just finish the job…” You can’t fuck this one up, there’s only one arm left…*4

Her Douji side jeered.

---------------------------

In the underground, Kasen took another swig from her medicine box as Yuugi quite literally sewed her arm back on. Tenshi had the decency to act embarrassed as she sat in the corner. Suika was on the ground punching it as she laughed her lungs out. A nearby blood smear was starting to clump together around a pink dress and a jeweled branch.

Yuugi let out a belly laugh. “Man, been a while since I’ve had to patch you up, horned dumpling.” *5

Kasen’s face flushed. “Don’t call me that! It’s been over 1,000 years, Yuugi…”

Suika disappeared to mist, before reappearing, sinking her elbow against Kasen’s head as she laid on her. “You’ll always be our little horned dumpling. Hahaha, how’d you end up like that; missing both arms? Try to balance yourself out? Ghost arm of yours so cool you wanted two of them?”

Kasen groaned. “If anything, that arm’s been useless all day, I’m out of bandages, and it takes forever to make them. Eep!!!” She yelped as the needle pierced her skin again.

“Oh, quit your complaining. An oni’s skin ain’t exactly easy to get a needle through, had to borrow one of Yamame’s cursed ones. By the way, if you’re cursed after this, don’t blame me.” Yuugi commented as she ran the thread back through the flesh and put the needle between her teeth as Kasen took another swig, her skin healing between the threads.

Yuugi then stole the medicine box and took a swig herself. Kasen looked questioningly, and she shrugged. “Lil princess there had some bite. Think she actually knocked out a tooth.” She pointed to the blood smear. Yuugi thought for a moment, then nodded at Tenshi before sewing again. “Oh yeah, your, uh, little secret, hermit. Peaches there know ‘bout it?”

Tenshi reached for her hat… realizing it was gone. Suika laughed, and chugged from her gourd. “Still smell like peaches, and awful celestial blood. Sure you wanna be hanging ‘round oni, little celestial?”

Tenshi snarled as she stood, a proud look on her face. “You oni are the ones who smell awful. What, do you never bath or someth-” She eyed the springs literally right outside Yuugi’s house, and the washbucket next to Yuugi. She followed Yuugi’s eyes to it, and could literally see the oni contemplating throwing it at her. She changed the subject. “ ‘sides, I know. In fact, I gotta fight Ibaraki Douji with Reimu. AND it was when she was like, 1,000 times stronger than when she played with you small fry. Imagine your little ‘horned dumpling’, fully restored body, with all the tricks of a hermit! I don’t say this lightly, but, she might, MIGHT be about as good as me at magic.”

Kasen wanted to facepalm… but had no arms. Yuugi stopped for a moment as a look of pure joy passed her face. “So, you’re strong then, Peaches?”

Suika shrugged. “I mean, I fought her, but, well, yeah, she was pretty strong. She was playing around, Yukari asked me not to… make too big a mess, so I was too. Miss that place I got out of the fight though. Yukari’s such a bitch sometimes though. “Oh Suika, come down, Lord Nai is complaining”. Who the hell is Lord Nai?! Why do I care?”

Tenshi stood bathing in the praise, though visibly flinching at the mentions of her father.

Kasen shook her head, before turning to Suika. “Also, no fair, how in Old Hell did you get to Heaven before me?! That’s, like, my entire life goal!” She flinched again to the needle, her arm now half on. With imbibing the medicine box she could start to wiggle her thumb.

Suika smiled evilly, her fangs showing. “Well, dumpling, I did it the oni way! We have to sometimes show off for our juniors! I took what I wanted! Then kinda just got black out drunk, and a portal opened under me… and I don’t really remember the rest? I was falling for at least a week.”

Tenshi rolled her eyes. “I did beat you when I was more serious. I could do it any time I want.”

Suika’s smile grew… as did her body, starting to take up the entire room as she grew and grew, easily 15 feet tall as she leaned down, smiling wickedly at Tenshi. “Could you, now little celestial?”

She reached down for Tenshi’s collar, only for Tenshi to swing her blade to deflect her hand. Suika instantly deflated to normal size, yelping as she danced side to side, gripping the wound.

Yuugi’s eyes opened. “The Oni Cutter? That just ain’t fair. Where’d you get that from?”

Tenshi put her hands back on her hips. “Reimu lent it to me, and the hermit lent it to her. I’m the one to cut off the Hermit’s arm, afterall.”

Kasen rolled her eyes. “The wrong arm.” On the ground, her cursed other arm writhed inside a seal temporarily set up.

“So I’m an overachiever!” Tenshi leaned in, only for the cursed arm to manage to reach her, and slap her in the face.

Yuugi finished Kasen’s other arm, and put the needle down. She nodded appreciatively, before reaching out and swiping Tenshi’s blade. Reeling her arm back, she threw it across Old Hell in a single toss. Tenshi smiled, before holding her hand out, the Sword of Hisou resummoning in her hand. “Too bad!” she taunted, before looking and seeing the blue flame had disappeared. She had resummoned the blade, but hadn’t resummoned the shard that had fused with it. “Gah?! Reimu’s going to yell at me all afternoon if I lost it…”

Kasen lifted her injured arm to show it away, disappointed to find her hand barely moving. She twitched her head instead. “She loses that all the time. It’s why I only trust her with a fragment of the blade. I got the rest of them sealed away in case of emergency.”

Yuugi leaned in, towering over Tenshi with a brutal smile, before noticing the bags under Tenshi’s eyes. Instead of punching her, Yuugi just reached down, and ruffled her hair instead. Tenshi folded her arms displeased, her blade disappearing. “You look exhausted, go on, enjoy my resort, Peaches. You can sleep aaaaaall day, or relax in the spring. And you think I don’t bathe, ha! Just mind the vengeful spirits, might have to put them in their place! ‘Specially the receptionist… buuuut, I think you can handle yourself. Then, then we can fight!”

Tenshi just threw up her arms, wandering off towards the resort. “Whatever passes for a bed here.”

With her gone, Kasen grew a large smile of her own as she slyly turned to Yuugi and Suika. “Hey, Yuugi. Beat your sky shattering record.”

Yuugi held her hand to her chest, looking offended. She then returned the smile, and her other hand ruffled Kasen’s hair too. “I know, Kasen, I saw. You might not call yourself an oni, but you're always welcome here. Though, guess I did just tell you to go to hell.”

Kasen twitched her arm, managing to move her fingers as she lifted it in her infamous correcting pose. “Former Hell. And… thanks, Yuugi.”

“No problem. Oh, and remember to take your money back. Last time you came the three of us and some of the good ol' oni got totally smashed, you left it all here. I don’t know if we were playing poker or what. I do think your dress looks good on me by the way, bit small, but I do like the flower.”

======================

Several days passed. The Hakurei Shrine residents had TRIED moving in with Mamizou, but, finding a cave full of raccoons annoying, and worse, Mamizou’s snoring, they’d left. Surprisingly, Yuuka had decided to open up her mansion on the Blood Lake to them ‘for old time’s sake’. Clownpiece had fallen in love with the place while the shrine was rebuilt.

Kasen had found that Suika staying in the underground wasn’t by accident, she was ghosting Reimu to avoid being called to rebuild the shrine… again. Aya surprisingly was the one she found that one out from, the crow tengu complaining about her favorite bar being closed. Apparently Suika had volunteered as Okuu’s ‘parole officer’ for a while.

Aya had only divulged it in hopes of getting some sake that MIGHT make Suika drunk. Kasen knew what she’d used the last time she’d partied with Yuugi… but instead handed Aya a bottle of antifreeze. She did not explain why she was confident that would work.

Still, Kasen had felt she was forgetting something in the few days. *6

Eventually, Kasen found herself in an often repeated place… where she didn’t want to be. She sat in her meditative pose, currently having TWO bandaged arms as one healed. Her tiger, Houso, was wrapped protectively around her, his soft fur almost like a luxurious chair. Her giant eagle, Kanda, meanwhile, perched on her shoulders. They sat in a conference-like room in a strange dimension full of floating doors.

Normally, Okina would be the first to make a snide comment about her injury, but Okina currently was wrapped head to toe in bandages. She, as per normal, gave no mention of what had happened, but Kasen had an idea it had to do with certain invaders of winter and summer living up to their word. Mai and Satono stood behind her, her crazy back up dancers, holding their stalks of bamboo and ginger. The two had vacant smiles, hardly ever really emoting. Kasen wasn’t sure there was enough of them left TO emote.

Yukari was the only sage uninjured, merely sleepy. She did give a knowing smirk at both of the other sages' recent injuries. Her two attendants, Chen and Ran, stood respectfully behind her, handing her a small tablet with the agenda of the meeting.

“I think that covers the pleasantries and regular droll of our sage’s meeting. The barrier is very much intact, though a bit destabilized from the Hakurei Shrine being destroyed again. But what’s another Tuesday in Gensokyo? I believe Kasen here has reported the ecology to be stable as well. I know Okina has a report of some foreign affairs, but I think Kasen’s OTHER more interesting report answers that. Should we let the guests in?”

Okina leaned in. “A very interesting report from our ‘hermit’ friend. And, Kasen, you say the orb exploded, leaving orbit? And it was one of the yama’s artifacts?”

Kasen’s eyes shiftily looked side to side. “It, uh, definitely left orbit, and exploded, yes.” She left out HOW it had left orbit.

Before Okina could pick it apart more, Yukari motioned to a door. Okina smirked, and waved her hand, the door opening with three guests walking through: Iku, holding several ancient style missives; the Watatsuki sisters’ pet, confusingly also named Reisen; and the guest that surprised Kasen the most, Clownpiece.

“Clownpiece? I thought you were enjoying the Blood Lake Mansion?” Kasen asked, surprised.

Clownpiece had a huge smile on her face as she walked up, humming as she delivered gift baskets to all three sages. Houso growled, but was bribable by a bloody steak. Clownpiece wore, as an emissary, a black T-shirt over her motley with the words ‘Welcome to Hell’, and a poor imitation globe taped to her hat, painted white. “Oh, it was awesome! It was like Blood Hell! I wanna go back! But Master came to visit, so that can wait!!! Master’s friend said to give you these, apparently something from Gensokyo really helped her out in a bind?”

The rabbit emissary blinked. “Wait… is your master’s friend that tyrant, Junko? MY master’s want to know if Gensokyo is trying to declare war on the moon!? What was that?!”

Yukari raised an eyebrow. “Why did they suspect us in the first place?”

Reisen II pulled out a phone, fumbling it several times as she looked through texts. “Uh… I think their wording was “Whenever something weird happens, it’s generally Gensokyo’s fault.””

Okina laughed, taking a pear from her own gift basket. “Well, you can’t blame them there, those two are not wrong! It was a happy little accident from us, it wasn’t a weapon or anything. My, my, if they’re worried, it must have done some damage. Well, if they want reparations, they can always take Clownpiece.”

Clownpiece was midbite through Kasen’s pear from her basket, her legs kicking under the table. “What, what?”

Kasen facepalmed. “Okina was joking. That’s ‘a God’s humor’.”

Okina shook her head. “Don’t be such a stick in the mud, ‘hermit’. Anyways, Reisen was it? No, we have no intention of going to war. If we do, though, I find my new friends fascinating, such as-”

Yukari brushed her fan out to the side, opening it over Okina’s mouth to shush her. “No, Reisen, it was an accident. Our spies tell us it was just Lady Yorihime injured. Our condolences, I hope she recovers quickly. Chen, however, recently found a hat, however, and it had a few peaches I think she might enjoy that might speed up her recovery.”

“And Junko escaped.” The rabbit interjected, then cocked her head. “Peaches… from a hat? Um… that’s kind of insulting if you’d seen the Great Peach Garden of the Lunar Capitol? They wouldn’t compare”

Chen quickly waddled up to the emissary, handing her a literal basket of peaches, and giving her her best adorable cat eyes. Reisen II clearly had other orders, but staring at Chen, she hesitated… then took the peaches, and left through a door, unveiling her lunar veil.

Okina turned to Clownpiece. “I trust your business is done here as well, fairy?”

Clownpiece was still looking around. “Yup. Huh… so this is what it looks like when not invading the place. Didn’t get a good look last time. It’s weird in here. I think I like it. It’s like Avici, but more boring.” She didn’t move to leave.

Before Okina could remove her by force, Yukari motioned to Iku. “I take it it’s another round of letters from Lord Nai complaining about his daughter and asking for an update.”

Iku nodded. “The usual, yes. Along with a letter complaining about… an oni or something spotted in heaven. But it’s the darndest thing, I seem to have, uh, misplaced it.” She shot Kasen a smile. Iku had never once, since Kasen had been a sage, failed to deliver a letter as a messenger.

She did, however, produce a different letter. All three sage’s looked surprised, being addressed ‘from the Palace of the Dragon God’. “The Hakurei God sends his regards. He asked if any of you tried to open a portal to him, as he felt something. Also, as always, he sends his thanks to the hermit for looking after his son, Koutei, and hopes ‘adolescence isn’t making him too challenging’.”

Two letters were inscribed, one with the information Iku had delivered, and one simply wishing Gensokyo a “Happy New Year, full of joy.”