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Chapter Text

After spending so much time at Hogwarts over the past six years, there was something that Lily could always expect.

James Potter.

The James that would confess his complete and undying love for her every chance that he got. He'd scream for the Great Hall, his devotion to marry her in the future.

Lily never thought she would see the end of his attempts to try and swoon her off her feet. All she wanted ever since they locked eyes on the train ride in their first year, was to be left alone for just a moment.

A moment in which James strayed away from his confessions and desires for their future. A moment that allowed Lily to breathe and actually spend time with her own friends, Mary and Marlene. All she wanted was to be let go of.

And that's what she got.

She did not expect for this to end. She longed for it. She wanted peace and quiet like the one she had back before she ever stepped foot into Hogwarts. See, Lily loved the silence.

She loved to curl back in a lounge chair and sit there for hours on end reading a good book. It could be a Muggle story or something related to school, but she absolutely adored getting the time alone away from this boy.

But she felt like nothing without him or his foolish acts.

Lily had wondered why. Why did he stop making a mockery of himself? Why did James leave her alone? Why of all times, this time? Why?

Watching him during dinner wondering if he'll pull anything to get her surprised. Maybe he and the rest of the so-called “Marauders" had some enormous gesture that James would use to try once more to pull her into a relationship.

He’d sometimes lay back on his actions just for him to return in such a horrid fashion. Like the time he made some elaborate proposal for her on her birthday. The poster he had constructed, probably with the help of Sirius, had the ugliest color scheme she could ever think of in her entire existence on Earth. It all led back to the same thing that he wanted. Her love and affection.

But she didn't get any of this.

She did not get the boy that kept her on her feet and waiting for what was up his sleeve for his next move to try and entrance her with his dashing good looks and smile. Lily did not find the boy that looked like he was seeing an actual angel while locking eyes with her.

All she got was a boy making a mess with his food with his friends laughing obnoxiously.

She’d normally find this absolutely disgusting. Playing with food. Why would anyone dare to waste their food in such foolish ways? But this did not matter to her anymore.

The boy that tried to make her love him was not keeping his promise that he made to her in their first year. He wasn't going to keep up with his silly antics for her that always seemed to land him into some bit of trouble.

Lily longed for this boy to return back into her grasps. She felt longing for his journey back to her, but nothing seemed to change the direction of his eyes. Thoughts flooding to her head all at once. Her face seemed flushed at just the sight of his messy hair and dark hazel eyes.

Wait. Why is she thinking this? He’s just a boy. It’s not like she likes him or anything.

“Lily, you alright?” Mary said with concern. “You haven’t been saying anything for the past few minutes.”

“Sorry, I was just worrying over the Potions essay for Professor Slughorn that is due tonight.”

“But you have had that done for a week, Lily. Are you sure that there isn’t anything going on with you?”

“It’s that stupid Potter boy.” Marlene seems to arrive abruptly and without warning. Not too far away from her was her girlfriend, Dorcas Meadowes, a stunningly beautiful Slytherin who even though put forth little effort into her looks, just looked gorgeous at all times. “He has paused his little escapade and has finally left her alone for once. It is such a relief now he is not tailing behind us yelling, ‘Evans, please marry me! Oh, Evans, why not just one date?’ He has put an end to his bullshit, right Lily?”

“Yes he has right now, yeah” she said somberly and fairly quietly.

“It seems like you are not certain. Why? Has he finally melted into your heart?”

“No!” Lily screeched and the whole Gryffindor table was staring back at her. James, Remus, Peter, and Sirius look forward at the sight of the redheaded girl with faces of genuine surprise and concern.

Taking her stuff, she glared at the one person who didn’t even dare to return the look anymore, the person that is causing her to feel all the emotions that one person can feel at once. He might not know it yet but he is causing her too many problems that she can not count on a single hand.

Her friends look back at her in awe. She had never done this before. Lily had always been one to remain calm even under times that she could not bear it. Like the times she’d attend the Slugclub parties where most Slytherin assholes were invited to. These same people hate her kind. The Muggle-borns. The Mudbloods. She still managed to keep a calm attitude even if those slurs were thrown at her during those times.

“Did I say something wrong? It's not like she’ll ever like James. All she does is complain about his ass and his constant harassment of her.”

Walking back to her dorm, her mind was running with too many thoughts.

There was no way that she could like him. No. She will never like him. She made that promise to herself once he started his mission to try and pursue her. Lily would never once think about him in a romantic life. Even if he did have the most beautiful eyes that she could stare at for entirety. Even if he makes her smile and bursts out in a silent laughter after he gets caught doing the stupidest things that she could possibly think of.

Lily could never like James Potter.

Or so she thought.

Chapter Text

As she lay in her bed, her thoughts flooded her mind to the point of no return. She could not like James Potter.

She would never have feelings for him. She would never bare the heart to say that she longs for his affection.

But his round glasses and stupid smile that could make the entire world also smile lies in the forefront of her brain. His stupid quips from his mischievous pranks that he pulled on not just Severus but the whole castle. James' outstanding job on the quidditch pitch and flawless run as a Chaser and Captain. His complete loyalty to his friends and ability to make everyone around him laugh and happy.

James had all she wanted.

But why now?

Why is she now feeling this way about the boy whom she never gave a single chance or thought about? Lily had never once wanted to associate herself with his silliness and borderline obsession with her. It got to the point that any sort of thing that reminded Lily of James made her disgusted. He also made enemies with her only friend on the first day of Hogwarts.

James' hatred was not once justified until Severus unjustly words of calling Lily a "Mudblood." Lily could not care for him anymore for he was not the same person he was when they were children.

He wasn't that person that stood up to Petunia for her for when she couldn't do it herself. Severus wasn't the boy that showed her she was magical and that she wasn't a freak. He was not the same boy that she walked into Hogwarts with.

He was just a coward.

But now, Lily is just like that. She is a coward. Someone who can not accept what she is feeling inside. She felt that she is less than for now discovering these underlying feelings. Lily thought that she would never once feel like this towards the boy with untidy hair that can not be controlled even though his dad created the most widely used hair product in the entire Wizarding World.

To ease the pain and heartache for the boy that would once cause her the absolute most embarrassment, she decided to take a nap. Maybe that would help her end her complete suffering.

"Lily, wake up. You are going to miss Transfiguration and I know you do not want to face the wrath that is Professor McGonagall." Mary stated.

She was right. She never wanted to miss McGonagall's class because she was a force to be reckoned with. She never took stupid excuses but still had humor which she valued. Therefore, Lily got out of her cramped bed and gathered her books to catch up with Mary before she could have the chance to leave without her even though she knew that the dark haired girl would never leave her and go to class all alone.

"Are you sure that you are doing well, Lily? Was it Marlene's comment that got you so worked up because if it is you should tell her. I know that she can say things that sometimes hurt people’s feelings so you should tell her so she can have the chance to apologize. I know that she would not want to offend you at all because she truly cares about you.”

"No, I'm completely fine. I just had some sort of headache and needed some sleep to wear it off." Lily spoke. But Lily knew that Mary knew she was lying.

Mary was her closest friend that she made at Hogwarts. Not just because she was a Gryffindor in her year, but because she was also a Muggle-born and that she has experienced everything that Lily had. Mary had heard all of the same comments that Lily had. She went through the same events being called a “Mudblood '' and sexist comments that were made at them in passing. But besides that, they also just had flawless chemistry which made conversation flow easy for them. So naturally, Mary knew that what Lily said was a falsehood.

Upon walking into the classroom, Lily heard a very loud voice that could be recognized without struggle.

"Wow, it's Evans, James! She's actually not here early like she normally is. It must be a dream!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Oh, piss off Black. It's not like I'm coming to class 30 minutes late. Unlike how you four sometimes do. I'm coming directly on time."

As she sat down in her seat, she felt a pair of eyes on her and she looked up to see who was staring at her. It was James Potter. She knew that with these nearly developed feelings she'd have to face them and try and not think about him anymore. But how could she not return the look? However, she tried to return the eye-contact but he was not looking in her direction anymore. Instead, he was just trying to converse with Peter and Sirius.

"I think I know what is wrong with you." Remus spoke in a soft voice.

Lily was startled by the sudden approach but was met with fear with his comment. "What do you mean? There is nothing going on? I'm completely fine…" Lily said with nothing but a nervous tone.

"You like James."

He said it with such certainty that he knew that he was on the spot with his claim.

See Remus was another one of her dear friends. He was probably the only one of the Marauders that she did not have the feeling of wanting them to shut up with their stupid ways. Lily and Remus had the sort of bond that made them appear as not something remarkable but they were fairly close-knit. They would sometimes study in the library together and read a book with each other just for comfort. If Mary were to not be her best friend, then Lily thought that Remus would take that spot with ease. He was just the person that understood everything but did not ask annoying questions with every single response she would give.

"I knew someday you would eventually fall for his charm. I just didn't know when."

She couldn't lie to him for some reason so she decided it was better to just expose the truth of the situation. "I don't know when it happened. It just did and I'm not liking it."

Remus chuckled a bit which made Lily's cheeks red just for a couple seconds.

"Well, I suggest you tell him quite soon because there is something going on with him. I'm not sure what but he has changed, so you should definitely get your move on." Remus spoke and returned back to the group of boys.

So he has also noticed the change that James has gone through. She was glad that she wasn’t the only one who saw it. Of course Sirius saw no difference with James and was just as oblivious as had he been to Remus’ own feelings about him. They got past that stage of not acknowledging their feelings and had finally gotten together last year which was honestly a relief to the entire Gryffindor tower because they no longer wanted to witness the pining between those two folks.

Lily walked to her desk and sat besides Mary and Marlene.

“What were you two talking about?” Marlene states.

“He had asked me if we could study together tonight so we can help each other with our Defense essays.”

“Boring. Well anyway, I am sorry if I said anything in the Great Hall that offended you.”

“It's fine, Marlene.”

McGonagall walked into the room just as their conversion came to an abrupt end and she wasted now time to begin her lesson as she actually likes teaching people about her subject.

Lily loved the professor deeply but she did not feel the same passion for Transfiguration as she did in other subjects like Potions or any other subject for that fact. Even though she felt a dislike to the topic, she still strived to do the best but she did fall behind James and Sirius.

Those two did not even once study for their exams or even think about their essays without just handing it in, but they had the best grades in most classes. They just perceived and got by with ease unlike both Lily and Remus who had to study day and night for each assignment that came their way.

As class was wrapping up, she knew that she had to get out of there as quickly as possible for she could not stand another minute with James in the same room as her with her brand new feelings.

She grabbed her books and left the classroom with such an urgency but before she heard someone say something about her.

“I wonder what got Evans in a hurry.” James said.

She just had to leave and go back to the common so James could not see her red cheeks that would completely reveal her undying longing for him.

Chapter Text

Maybe, just maybe, her feelings could go away with time. Lily thought that she could give it a day or two and it would just flicker out in a blink of an eye.

It hadn’t.

She still had longed for the annoying boy with the most perfect smile that anybody could ask for. If there was just a single word to describe James Potter, it would be “sun”. Just simple as that. He radiated the energy and beauty that is the sun. He could light up a room and cheer anybody on, whether it be his friends or just a random 1st year student that was struggling with their Transfiguration essay. James was bright and blinding to the eye.

But however, you could not look at the sun for too long until it blinds you.

This is what Lily was feeling now. She could not look for too long because if she did, she felt the weight on her shoulders. She felt that if she kept up with these feelings, there would be no return. She could not go back to the same person she was before she acquired these unwanted feelings that she never thought she would get. She swore that this would never happen but it did. There was no way back to who she was before so she tried to move along the path and find a way in which she could survive with her infatuation towards the spectacle wearing boy.

Upon arriving at the Great Hall, she sat in her normal seat along with Mary, Marlene, and Dorcas who so graciously joined them even though she had her own group of friends back in her house.

Dorcas’ best friends were not exactly Lily and Mary but rather Regulus Black, Evan Rosier, Barty Crouch Jr, and Pandora Lestrange. These people Lily did not see direct contact with because of most of their pureblood beliefs especially with all of them being within the Sacred Twenty-Eight families that were known to support anti-Muggle Born values and laws. She knew what these people had coming for their futures and she did not want to witness it in the long run. Lily felt like Dorcas shouldn’t be spending time with the people that directly want to send her to her downfall and watch her be removed from the Wizarding World but what could she do? She can’t control her for she was an extraordinary witch.

“Merlin, I am starving. I have to eat before I can even think about playing in tonight's game.” Marlene stated.

Oh, how can she forget? Gryffindor was having a match against Slytherin tonight. The two teams that go at each other's throats just for the glory of winning against their rival house.

Lily did not actually care about Quidditch but she always came for support of her friend Marlene who was the team’s Seeker. However, what she first thought was actually James. She could finally see him in his element for the first time since she has discovered her new acquired feelings for him. She knew that he was a talented Chaser who anybody that would dare to go against him would get their asses kicked.

“Well, I can tell that you are going to do well Marlene” her girlfriend spoke up and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Marlene blushed at the slight comment.

“We just better beat those Slytherin folk. No offense, Dorcas.” Mary stated.

“None taken.”

“Lily, are you alright?”

“Totally! I just can’t wait for the game and seeing Slytherin lose.”

“That’s the spirit!” Marlene exclaimed.

Suddenly, a burst of loud noise and voices overtook the halls and she finally saw a large group of boys.

These boys were actually Slytherins who had bright red hair and Gryffindor colored ties. The people in the Great Hall all knew who were the culprits who committed this foul act even if it wasn’t for the laughter that let loose behind the girls.

“Nice one James!”

The two high-fived and let out even more laughter than they had before. Remus and Peter just sat back with smug smiles that made it seem like they had more involvement in whatever was done to the Slytherins boys bathrooms.

“Black! Potter! Lupin! Pettigrew! Detention for the next two weeks.” said Professor McGongagall.

“Yes, Minnie” said James and Sirius simultaneously as if they were just a single identity.

“At least it is just detention. If she roped out of Quidditch I would have died.” she heard Potter speak.

Lily knew that deep down McGonagall would never take away their Quidditch because the Professor is just as competitive as those boys. She loved the sport to death especially with the skill she had when she went to the school all those years ago. Lily had seen the plaque along with all of the other trophies that were in the trophy closet. She wanted them to win against Slytherin just as much as they wanted to.

Even though Gryffindor had such a skilled team and an amazing attitude towards the sport and the people on the team, they have not once won against the Slytherin team ever since Regulus Black joined during his second year.

Lily would never say this to Marlene’s face but he was a much better Seeker than her. Marlene probably knew this deep inside herself even if she was one to never state the truth. Black was fearless and delicate in the way that he played the sport. He had such precision and knowledge towards what was going on around him that he let nothing get in his way. Every single match that he played in no matter if his team won or lost, he always caught the snitch.

Lily hoped that for this single time that she went to the game that her house should win. And she wanted to be there to witness it.

The more and more the day went on, she wanted that match to arrive, but she had to finish just one more class before that dream could end up being a reality.

Potions class.

Lily actually had loved Potions. Not the teacher exactly, but the class itself.

She liked being able to create substances that could be useful for people that might need it. It was helpful but she also got to be creative in it. This was the one class that she actually had a natural talent for and strives to be the best in it.

But just like everything she did, there was always someone better than her.

Regulus Black. Once again.

This fifth year student was already taking advanced Potions and being better than the entire class put together. He knew his way around a cauldron and made everything in such a manner that it looked perfect every time that he did anything.

As she walked into the room filled with Gryffindor and Slytherin students all riled up before the game tonight, she saw the boy that made her heart start to race.

Oh, Merlin. Why?

She took her seat next to Mary and waited until Professor Slughorn would finally start class.

“Welcome everyone. I would like all of you to gather around me at once so I could finally introduce you to what we will be concentrating on making during this fine evening” the Professor stated and was met with sighs.

He lifted up a bottle that had a slight pink tint to it that would attract some little girls. But Lily knew immediately what this substance was.

Amortentia.

Known as the love potion. The potion in which if drunk by someone, would make them fall in love to whomever made the potion. It also has the ability to smell like the thing or person that you love and have feelings for.

Well Lily knew who she would smell.

“I would like for someone to take a guess to what is it I am holding in my hands.” the Professor said.

“Amortentia, Professor.” the younger Black said in a quiet tone.

“Yes Mr. Black. Five points to Slytherin for your excellent knowledge.”

Lily saw from the corner of her eye that the other brother made a remark that she could just make out to be “smart-ass. She knew those two have a rocky relationship ever since the start of Regulus’ first year but it got even worse this past year since Sirius got disowned from his own family. Lily did not exactly know the depth of their brotherhood but she knew that there wasn’t anything that she could do about it. Not that she really wanted to do anything because she did not want to associate with Sirius much.

But what was surprising was James’ remark. “He isn’t a smart-ass. You are just dumb and did not know that simple answer.”

Sirius now stood with a face of betrayal but it honestly was half the truth. It just seemed that they moved on from that statement.

“Today we will be brewing Amortentia just like Mr. Black so graciously stated. I advice you that this is a dangerous potion no matter how it might seem to be for if given to somebody, they will no longer have the freedom that they once had before. They will go into a state of lust and longing to whomever made the potion.”

“Professor, if we can not drink the potion, then what is the point of making it?” a blue eyed Gryffindor asked.

“I am glad you asked. Amortentia has the power to produce the scent of the person and things that you love. Lots considered it to be a soulmate finder but I won’t say that specifically. Now everybody gather back to their stations and pull out your books to begin making the potion.”

Lily and Mary returned back to the sitting in which they had before and tuned to the page in which it had the list and steps to make Amortentia.

“I wonder who you are going to smell, Lily,” Mary said under her breath.

Lily already knew who she was going to smell but she did not want to admit it out loud to the entirety of the sixth year Gryffindors and Slytherins in the class.

“I don’t know Mary and frankly I don’t really fancy anybody at the moment,” Lily spoke as she began the experiment.

“I hope you smell something nice,” Mary said in a saddened tone.

Lily did not know where this sort of sadness was coming from but she was definitely going to ask Mary about it later because she did not want to talk about something important in the middle of Potions class. She just shoved it off and tried to move on.

“Thank you. I hope the same for you”

Like always, Lily had found that actually brewing the potion made her drawn into what she was doing. She just loved potions and knew that what she was doing was correct. But she started to drift off a bit and looked up to the two boys struggling immensely with the beginning steps and fighting over what ingredients to put in.

Lily could not help but wonder who James must smell. Actually, no. She knew that he was going to smell her. He has said it for the past six years that he is head over heels for her and that they were going to marry by the end of their Hogwarts year. Lily just guessed what scent he might smell of her in the potion.

As she neared the end of making her potion, she began to smell the obvious scent of that stupid messy hair boy that was across the class from her. It had the smell of hair product, broom polish, and vanilla.

Yes. That was the boy that took her heart by storm.

“What do you smell, Mary?”

“Lavender, firewood, and…”

“And what?”

“It’s nothing, Lily. I just thought I smelled something else…” she spoke in such a way that displayed some sort of despair.

Lily knew that she would have to immediately speak to her after class ended to know what was going on.

“As always, Ms.Evans and Ms. MacDonald, you’ve created such a masterful potion. I applaud you for your work.” Professor Slughorn said as he appeared out of thin air.

“Thank you, Professor,” both said.

Lily had seen that most people were towards the end of the steps and just trying to figure out whoever they could smell from their potion.

She saw Remus' expression of satisfaction which probably meant that he smelt his own boyfriend. Peter hadn’t seemed like he got anything from the potion and just kept on trying to get something.

As she looked around the room, she locked eyes with the younger Black sibling. He seemed to be shocked from whatever he smelt in that tiny cauldron. But what Lily saw was that his eyes were no longer on the potion but on the two boys that were struggling in the beginning.

James and Sirius.

She just did not know who exactly he was looking at.

Was it Sirius? Or James?

Who is she kidding? It was certainly Sirius since they were brothers. Right?

“Can’t wait to smell Evans, right Prongs?” the dark haired older brother spoke.

“Yeah of course” he spoke in the same way that Mary had not too long ago.

It seemed like an agreement to them that they smelt the potion at the same time as the stuck their noses near the liquid.

“Yes! Moony, I smell you!”

“Ew, you sap.” James stated

“Well, you smell Evans so shut up.”

“What is it exactly that you smell Mr. Black and Mr. Potter?” Slughorn uttered out of nowhere again. Merlin, he has to stop doing this.

“Citrus, the Forbidden forest, and chocolate.” Sirius declared turning to James.

“Sandalwood, rain, and a fresh parchment.”

Wait. That didn’t sound anything like Lily.

Chapter Text

Lily must be dreaming.

Sandalwood, rain, and fresh parchment.

That doesn’t sound like Lily at all. Actually parchment makes sense. She always enjoyed reading and writing so it isn’t too far from the truth.

But sandalwood and rain. Now those are two things that do not lie with her at all. She always wore the same lavender perfume everyday so there is no excuse for him not to smell that substance. Of course James would have to smell that. He always had a crush on her from the start of their first year. There would be no reason for him to make up whatever he smelt.

So why was this boy smelling something pretty far from what would typically be the scent of Lily.

There would only be one explanation to that question.

James no longer had feelings for the bold red head.

All of this was rushed to her head just in the matter of minutes and she felt like she was about to bawl her eyes out. For she just realized that she had major feelings for the boy that once annoyed her to the moon and back, and now this boy doesn’t return those feelings. Out of all of the times that she could have caught feelings, she wonders why the universe did this to her. She could have had feelings for him before this instance, but she chose now to ruin her luck of ever getting a relationship with James.

“Lily, are you doing alright? You look like you are going to cry or even throw up.” her best friend said with concern.

“I got to go. I am sorry Mary.” she stated as she started to bolt to the nearest exit that she could find.

She did not care that all of the eyes in the classroom were on her because she had never done this before. Lily hasn’t ever left in the middle of class because she was always eager to work on her potions so something had to or must be wrong with her. She just wanted to get back to her dorm and crawl back in her bed until she could become one with it.

Lily’s eyes started to pour once she reached the portrait frame that would lead her into the common room.

“Oh Merlin, are you okay dear?” the Fat Lady spoke.

“I don’t want to talk about it” Lily returned and then said the password that would allow her to enter where she had lived for the past six years.

She ran to her room and fell down on her bed with tears of a river.

Why?

Why?

Why did James not smell her?

Please let this be a mistake.

But she knew deep inside that there was no mistake. Amortentia never lied. It always told the truth of the person that you love most. And if James smelt something that was not near to what Lily had normally smelled like, then he likely did not have the same feelings for her that he had when they first entered Hogwarts.

She just had to catch the feelings for him as he was not returning her heart anymore.

As she cried into her pillow, she wondered who this girl that James now had a crush on. Because he did smell something in the potion that would smell like a person. He had to have moved onto someone else which had hurt Lily’s feelings even more.

She had now envied this person with the scent of sandalwood, rain, and fresh parchment. This person had the love of the most generous, funny, loyal individual that there was at Hogwarts. Did this person know that James had loved them?

Who was she kidding? Love was James’ first language. Of course this person had to know that James Potter was in love with them. He definitely would shower them with nice comments and confessions that would make it impossible for them to not know that the Golden Boy loved them.

What did this girl have that Lily didn’t? Did she have the same passion for Quidditch that James had? Was she smarter than Lily? Did she get along with all of the little Marauders?

How did Lily not know that James was in love with another person? All of the signs were essentially there. No more outrageous confessions in the middle of the Great Hall? No side comments that he tried to slip in anytime he could during her and Mary’s conversation? No more ‘Hey, Evans!’ in the middle of the hallway. None of this occurred for the past two months, so he obviously had moved on during that time without a doubt.

She just had so many questions and concerns running through her head that it hurt to even think anymore. She just needed to sleep and curl up even more in her bed before reality could sink in even more.

“How did baby Black even catch the snitch? It was literally like three meters in front of him! I do not understand.” Lily heard Marlene speak in a yell.

Wait.

Did she miss the Quidditch game?

She was planning to go to support both Marlene and James but she guessed that she slept through the entire game.

“Black has something running through his veins that has to make him such a good Seeker because there was no way that he caught the snitch through pure luck. We were so close to finally winning but he had to just ruin it for us.”

“Don’t say that Marlene. You did great and what you could for the team. You are also one hell of a Seeker.” Mary said to her.

“That I am.”

Lily heard the door to their room upon and looked up to see the two girls enter the room.

“Lily! You missed the game!”

“I know I am so sorry, Marlene.”

“It’s fine I guess. Mary said that you might need some space because you were not feeling the best so we didn’t want to bother you with making you go see Quidditch. I know how much you hate it.” the blonde spoke to her after sitting herself on her own bed in the middle of the dorm.

“I don’t hate it. I just think there are other things to do besides getting concussed constantly.” Lily said.

“Are you truly doing fine, Lily? I am genuinely concerned right now because of how you acted in Professor Slughorn’s class. You would never up and leave his class without an actual reason.” Mary said with a serious tone that it was hard for Lily to hide her feelings.

“No, I am not alright. I just figured out that the person that I have a crush on does not like me.” Lily said without thinking.

“Wait, what! You like someone!” Marlene announced and raised from her bed.

“Yes, but I can not do anything about it because they do not like me anymore.”

“Wait. Why are you saying ‘anymore’? Did this person have a crush on you but no longer like you?”

“Yes.”

“The only person that I know that has had a crush on you is James. Wait. You like James?” she exclaimed.

Lily just gave them a sad expression and started to cry just as Marlene had said that comment.

“Oh, Lily. I am sorry.” Mary said and ran to give her a hug.

“He likes someone else. He did not smell me in his Amortentia.”

“Well, that prick has something coming for him now.”

“No, Marlene. It's best if you leave it alone. We have to focus on Lily before we can confront James.”

“No one is going to confront him. He didn’t do anything wrong. It's just me. He just does not like me anymore.”

“Lily, it's his loss anyway. You are the greatest and smartest person that I know. Anyone who does not like you is stupid because you are beautiful and such a nice individual. Anyone should feel lucky that Lily Evans would like them. James is stupid for not keeping those feelings.” Mary said with blush rolling to her face.

“Yeah, he really is stupid. You are a great person and it’s his loss anyway.”

“Thanks guys. I really needed it.”

“Of course. If you need anything else we are here for you like always.” Mary stated.

“What she said.” the blonde replied and brought them all into a hug.

Chapter Text

James Potter did not like Lily anymore and that is something that she now has to deal with even though she has feelings for the boy right now. She must find a way to get over it. She did not like him for the entire rest of her time at Hogwarts but the universe said differently right now. She must find a way to progress.

But she can not focus on her troubling feelings for she must report to her patrol duties with Remus. There is no way that she could come up with an excuse for missing it because she never wanted to break her streak of going on patrol. Lily has to push down what is going on to meet up with Remus for their Prefect task.

Patrolling was always fairly easy because they had never really seen anybody do anything of the extreme past curfew. Of course, there are the times where she caught a couple snogging in a cupboard but that is expected especially amongst the sixth and seventh years with their growing number of hormones running through their bodies. All she and Remus really had to do was make sure that people were back into their common rooms and that they are not doing anything that can cause danger.

All Lily had to really do was brush her hair once again because she did not look great with the frizzy and knotted hair that she had after she woke up from her nap. It took less than a minute to brush it because she had pin-straight hair that she so rarely exchanged for curls. She then took to the portrait door in order to meet up with her fellow Prefect.

“Well if it isn’t the beautiful Ms. Lily Evans.”

“Shut up, Remus.”

“Why should I? That's how James acts and I thought that you have finally accepted your feelings for him.”

Lily rolled her eyes in an effort to not let her emotions take control. “Let’s just get this over with.”

“If that’s what you desire then be my guest.”

Remus did not bring up the topic of James once again as they moved along the corridors of the castle and instead they traded conversations of the many books and music that they have discovered recently.

“I don’t see why you can not give ABBA a single chance, Remus. They are unarguably the best single pop group that the world has ever seen. Waterloo is an absolute masterpiece in terms of music.”

“I beg to disagree. David Bowie is way better than ABBA is. Bowie is the epitome of perfection, not your pop trash.”

“Did you just call ABBA trash, Remus Lupin?”

“Yes, Lily Evans. They are.”

The audacity that he has to call the Swedish pop group ABBA trash is something that Lily could never take. She turned around to make eye contact with the scared boy and as she did he started to run.

There was no way that he was going to escape her wrath because no one can say that without getting a punishment. Nobody can make fun of the Swedish pop sensation that is ABBA to her face.

“You’re going to get it, Remus Lupin!” she said in a sort of whisper scream to avoid any possible chance of a professor leaving their room and discovering the two.

He turned the corner in a hurry and she continued to follow him throughout what felt like ages. How can a boy that does not play Quidditch have this much agility and speed?

She had to catch her breath in order to keep on and sneak up on him. Lily was fairly certain that Remus would try and find a hiding place so that she could not find him vulnerable. She knew from time to time Remus would visit the Astronomy Tower with Sirius because of his boyfriend’s fascination with them due to being named after one of them. That is where he must have gone, so she decided to make her way to the tower to confront the boy.

“Merlin, why did I even try to come up here?” She said in frustration that the walk all the way up to the highest point in Hogwarts made her even more tired than the chasing. “He better be up here or else I am going to quit.” she spoke under her breath.

As she reached the very top of the tower and peered into it to try and spot her fellow Prefect, all she saw with her vision was the two people that she had never thought had interacted. She saw the gray eyes and dark curly hair of one Regulus Black. Lily also saw the spectacles of the boy that had captured her heart. The golden eyes that now made her heart flutter beyond belief seemed to be captured by the Slytherin as if he was the only other person in the world.

As if he was the center of his universe.

The stars to his sun.

This look was the exact same look that he wore when he saw Lily for the first time ever on the train. He had this look up until this year.

She guessed his eye contact traveled in a different direction. One towards the opposite to who she was. One that was his own rival.

But it did not seem like it mattered to him. James Potter was looking at Regulus Black with the utmost amount of love that one can give.

Remus was not there, but what was there was the love of her life intertwining his hands and sharing a bond that was never there previously.

What also was there was tears. Her eyes started to water and her body moved by itself.
She no longer cared that Remus had called her favorite group trash. What she cared about was that James did not have the same feelings for her anymore. He instead liked his best friend’s brother.

How could he?

He said that they were going to get married and live happily ever after. He said that they were going to grow old together.

How could he not keep his promise?

He betrayed his word and her heart.

All she could think about was his eyes. How she received that look that he gave Regulus. How she could have missed her opportunity. How did the young Black manage to get James to fall in love with him? How can she save Regulus from falling for James just like she had?

Just…

Don’t look too deep into those angel eyes.

Chapter Text

All she felt as she ran through the castle halls were the hot tears traveling down her face quickly. She did not care that a professor could walk by and catch her not doing her Prefect duties. Lily no longer wanted to find Remus anymore. She just needed to get back to her dorm and cry her eyes out.

How can the attractive boy who had a crush on her for six whole years change his mind so suddenly? And it of course happened just as she gained feelings for the boy.

The person who also captured James’ heart just so happened to be the boy Lily always loses to. Professor Slughorn loved Lily’s work with her immaculate potions within her class, but nothing could ever come close to him singing his praises to the younger of the Black siblings. He was practically God in the eyes of Slughorn. Regulus Black could do no wrong and was perfect in every aspect that was potions.

Lily was always second best to that boy. Regulus Black was always one step ahead of Lily Evans. She guessed it wasn’t just potions that she was behind in.

She was too late to love.

If Lily had just seen James Potter in a different light earlier then they could have been the couple that James used to long for. They could’ve been “Hogwarts’ golden couple” as James used to phrase it. They could’ve had sweet Hogsmeade dates at Madam Puddifoots or Honeydukes. She could make fun of the mischief that the so-called Marauders got up to in the castle. James would kiss her in the Great Hall and confess his undying love for her each day. He would always say that they were going to get married straight out of school so he would propose on the last day. He could’ve gotten down on one knee and said that they were going to grow old together and have lots of kids, at least one boy and one girl. James wanted to name the boy Harry after his grandfather. They would’ve got married with Sirius as James’ best man and Mary as Lily’s maid of honor.

But this was just a dream.

It was a dream for James then. But now it was the dream of Lily Evans.

She wanted this facade to become reality.

Lily Evans wanted to grow old with this boy, but she no longer could

She saw the eyes James gave to Regulus back in the Astronomy Tower. It was the same as he gave her in the past from all of the stupid confessions he did. His look was the same but somehow looked even more genuine and committed as if they were more serious than the one he held with Lily. It was as if he was already in the process of growing up with Regulus even though they were both young.

It wasn’t just James who held that look. Regulus shared the same passion if not even more. It showed his undying love for the boy that captured Lily’s heart. He belonged to James just as James belonged to him.

If someone had asked if Regulus Black would be able to fall into a deep relationship with anyone, everybody in the castle would say that he was incapable of experiencing romantic love. He held platonic love especially between his close-knit friend group even if he never admits it. But he mainly held most of his love for his own brother. The Black brothers do not speak to each other after what ended up with Sirius living with the Potters, but Regulus clearly loved his brother. However, Sirius was not exactly the center of Regulus’ universe.

That clearly was held by James Potter.

She ran up the Grand Staircase in a fast manner just to reach her goal to get to her dorm. As she climbed up the ever-changing stairs, she was finally able to get to the Fat Lady who would let her into the Common Room.

“Stalwart” she choked out.

“Wow. What happened to you, Ms. Evans?” The Fat Lady spoke with concern which was far from normal.

“I don’t want to talk about it. Can you just let me in please?”

“If it was a boy that made you feel like this he can just screw himself. Anyways, go in.”

“Thank you.”

She entered the Gryffindor Common Room and went to the girl’s dormitory stairs so she could finally be back to her room. It felt like it took decades to reach her room but she was able to enter. She saw Marlene drooling in her sleep as if she was experiencing the best dream that she could have ever had. However, she did not spot Mary in her bed which is surprising but she honestly did not really care about it.

Lily crawled up into her bed and just let out the most extricating sob that she could. She knew that Marlene wouldn’t hear her because of just how much of a heavy sleeper she was so there wasn’t really anything she could worry about. Lily just needed to let everything out because her whole world felt like it was crumbling down.

How could she be so late? If only this happened earlier.

“Lily, what is happening? And why are you crying?”

Shit. She didn’t hear Mary over her loud cries.

Lily just looked at her but her heavy tears did not seem to stop.

Mary had just looked at her with the most sympathetic look and approached her with open arms. Lily would never reject a hug in her life and this situation was no exception. Lily clung to the girl’s skin with a strong grip as if she thought that Mary would leave her.

There was no talking between the two. Just the heavy and loud cries that Lily bared.

These tears seemed never ending but they also started to wear Lily out as she started to stir. Her body wanted to give out and sleep that problem away. Mary noticed this so she made Lily lay down so she could just cry herself to sleep.

The pair never let go of each other even as they both lay fast asleep.

Mary was the only one to ever truly understand Lily and vice versa.

They fit like a piece in a puzzle.

It was as if they were meant to be.

If only Lily could see Mary’s blush that she held each time she looked at the fiery redhead. She could’ve seen that the other Muggle-born bore the same look that James used to hold for her.

Chapter Text

The bright light crept into the red and golden dorm room containing the three sleeping girls with such ferocity that it caused all to wake up. It's how they all always wake up every single morning. The three girls had this sort of sixth sense and knowing that made them rise at the same time so they could end up starting the day all at once.

“Merlin, that never gets easier” the blonde spoke as she stretched all the limbs within her body. Once Marlene felt capable of gaining the ability to move her body, she rolled out of the well decorated bed to get dressed as she does every morning. However, she did not expect to find the Muggle-born pair both awake in Lily’s bed.

“Fuck, did I missed the cuddling in Lily’s bed memo?”

“Marlene.” Mary spoke as she got out from underneath the cover.

“Yes?”

“It isn’t the time.”

Lily finally rose from her pillow with her hair completely riddled with bedhead. Her face was not able to settle from her endless crying the night before and kept the red look that resembled her fierce hair.

“Oh.”

There isn’t much time after Lily got up that puddles of tears once again covered her face. Her breathing sped up but time seemed to slow. The two Gryffindor girls came together to huddle around the poor redhead and simultaneously began to stroke her hair. Mary had also started to draw fake circles on her back which provided her with a strange source of comfort. There wasn’t much spoken between all three of them besides the quiet, “You’re okay”, from both of the girls.

After what seemed like hours to her, Lily was finally able to mutter a quick “thank you” to the girls who were always there for her no matter the situation. Her tears eventually drew away like that of a curtain to a play. Her breath is no longer rapid and returns back to its normal state of pace. She felt like she could finally talk so she did.

“He doesn’t love me anymore.”

“Who?” Marlene states with confusion.

“James, stupid” Mary said as she swatted her hand at the blonde.

“Ow, Mary.”

“Oh shut it.”

“Anyway, what the fuck do you mean that he doesn’t love you anymore, Lily? James has loved you ever since you got on the train. I mean he has had your wedding planned at the age of twelve. Trust me, I overheard both him and Sirius planning what colors the napkins will be during the reception. So, there is no chance in hell that annoying boy doesn’t love you now. Right, Mary?”

Lily knew about the wedding that James had planned for them because he had a whole binder for the occasion. He kept it with him in his own dorm but showcased it off to all of his friends so it was hard to avoid. The binder literally had the words “James and Lily Potter’s Big Beautiful and Beloved Wedding” in large bold letters in the front. She only ever saw glimpses of the planner because James would always state that it is best to save it for later so she doesn’t get too excited for their wedding. He still wanted to surprise her about their own wedding day.

But this day is never going to happen.

No. Lily now had to pay the price of not seeing those bright and angelic eyes that James Potter had. She did not see that he was truly a gentleman with the heart of gold. He was the embodiment of the sun and was the center of her universe.

Now, she just was stuck with the underlying feeling of emptiness. There was no chance of ever becoming Lily Evan Potter because James was in love with Regulus Black.

The same Regulus Black that would insult him on the Quidditch pitch and make fun of his stupid pranks. The same Regulus Black that bore a hatred for any Gryffindor that looked at him the wrong way. And the same Regulus Black that was his best friend’s brother.

What did James see in him that made him fall in love with him? What does she not have that Regulus does? What made him look in the direction of the sly and cunning Slytherin that resembled everything Lily wasn’t?
She hates this feeling.

She finally returns back to reality as Mary relays a response to Marlene’s thoughts.

“For once I agree with you. Potter has been head over heels about you. How did you even come to this conclusion Lily? He is definitely in love with you.”

“No he isn’t. I saw him.” she continued with visible sadness.

“Saw him with who?

“The person that he is in love with. It’s…” she did not want to keep on speaking but she knew that if she stopped then more tears would pour down from her eyes. “I saw James and Regulus in the Astronomy Tower. They looked so in love and I just…” she paused. “When I saw them, it just made me shiver because he always used to look at me that way. Like how can he just say that he is in love with me but change his mind so suddenly. And of course it happened during the worst time.”

The two other girls looked at each other and back at the redhead and just knew. It did not matter who he was in love with, they both knew that it was James that made her feel this way.

“I am so going to kill Potter.” Marlene said as she got up from the ground where the three were sitting.

“No!” Lily and Mary yelled at the same time.

“Why not?” she exclaimed. “He broke Lily’s heart so I am going to break his kneecaps. It’s what he deserves.”

“No it isn’t and we both know that” Lily quietly said.

“If he made you upset and feel like shit, I certainly think he rightfully deserves what's coming to him when I see him.”

“Marls, this isn’t the time for that” Mary blurted.

Marlene looked at Mary and then back at Lily. She slowly returned back to where she was before. She traded her hatred for a more caring and concerning look to try and support Lily.

She was always grateful for her friends' constant loyalty and protectiveness that they all bore for her. No matter what happened, Mary and Marlene were always there for Lily during her times of need. She mainly needed them during her falling out with Severus which truly shattered her. The girls both never really liked Severus. They viewed him as snarky and a prick which ultimately was true, but they both stood by Lily. They wanted to like anyone that Lily had liked. Once he had called her a “Mudblood”, they gave her a shoulder to cry on and someone to talk to when she really needed it. If it were not for those two girls, then she probably would have gone back to Severus and accepted his frantic apology. She knows that he actually has those horrid beliefs but Marlene and Mary were with her every step of the way. They gave her the confidence to stand her ground and become the witch that she is now.

“Lily, you are genuinely one of the best people and the brightest witch that I know. You deserve someone that can treat you with the utmost love and respect.” she started looking at Lily but then glancing at Mary.

“And you have to find someone who won’t wake you up at five in the morning to make you play Quidditch.” Marlene remarked with annoyment.

With that comment, the trio filled the room with laughter which was able to help Lily with keeping her eyes from watering.

As the laughs died down, Lily then looked to that of Mary who seemed like she was gathering all of her thoughts and wisdom that she had to give to her best friend.

“Marlene is right. I am so sorry that you feel this way Lily. No one should ever go through this feeling of heartbreak, especially you.” she stated as she reached out for Lily to pull her into a hug.

“Thanks, you two. “

“I do have to say something else though.”

Now, Lily was curious.

What else could Mary have to say?

Mary always had this way with words in any situation that was needed. She was never wrong in everyday scenarios. Sure she would get things wrong in class, but Mary MacDonald was never wrong. Lily needed to listen to her friend. It also seemed like Marlene was interested in what else the girl had to say because all of her attention was tied to that of Mary.

“Your feelings are completely valid Lily. I am not saying that they are wrong because they aren’t. But I do want to say that it is never wrong to fall in love with somebody. Love is a complex thing and it does not always work. Do not blame James for falling in love or falling out of love. It can come at any time and to anybody. I just am so sorry that this happened to you, but James does have the right to love anybody that he wants to. You now must find someone that is able to return that love back to you.”

Oh.

That cut deep.

Mary MacDonald, the master of words.

These were just words that Lily did not really want to hear at this moment.

She knew that what Mary said was the truth. She was never wrong. It’s just she does not want to accept them because it was James. He was the one that did not stick to his promise. He went and fell in love with someone else that wasn’t Lily. He said that he would never. But he did. He lied.

Everything went rushing to her head and before she knew it, more tears started to form. Once again, Mary and Marlene huddled and sheltered her from her sense of reality.

Mary was right. It isn’t James' fault. It also isn’t Regulus’ fault. There isn’t someone to blame. Loving someone is a strange process and something that takes time. It just seems like it took too much time for Lily to realize that she had love for the spectacled boy with the largest detention record anybody at Hogwarts had ever seen. It also just took a whole lot shorter time for James to figure out that it was Regulus that he truly wanted and not Lily.

Even with just a single look at the star Gryffindor Chaser and the amazing Slytherin Seeker that Lily saw, she knew that they belong in each other’s arms. They are each other’s paradise. They were the missing pieces of each other.

The stars and the sun really did shine bright, especially together.

Chapter Text

The feeling hurt no less. It burned in her chest like a fire that would never be extinguished. The flame was growing and never ending to the point that even looking at the boy in the glasses would make it hurt more than ever. That’s why she made it her point to not address or glance at him for the past two weeks.

Mary and Marlene made sure that Lily weren’t to run into James outside the classrooms that they shared. Anytime they would leave class, the trio would bolt outside without the chance of James or Sirius yelling “Evans” at full volume. But Lily knew that James would not even do this anymore because he had no reason to. He loved Regulus Black. That was something that she couldn’t change.

The boys seemed to get the message that the three girls didn’t want to talk to them but they likely thought it to be because of their recent prank that made them turn Serverus’ hair into a bright bubblegum pink color. She’d never tell them but it did put a smile on her face looking at the greasy haired boy in distress because he had caused her so much pain and suffering over the past years, but she experienced more pain looking at the smile on James’ face when the Slytherin exclaimed to the professors for each of the four to be punished. That was the only time she looked into his angel eyes because it caused her so much distress.

But nothing lasts forever because the one class that she truly enjoyed created the most trouble.

Slughorn left up a vial that displays a color as golden as a first place medal. “I know with all of your expertise in potions that some of you already know what these substances are.”

“Yes Professor, it is Felix Felicis, more commonly Liquid Luck.” Lily spoke with confidence. Potions were her thing and in no way was she going to let anyone else steal her spotlight, not like last time with Regulus Black.

“Yes Ms. Evans. Brightest witch of your age I must say. Just like what Ms. Evans has just stated, this potion is Felix Felicis which brings whoever drinks it immense luck and confidence for a certain period of time. The more potion, the longer the effects are. Today, we are brewing going to master making Liquid Luck and whoever makes it the best, gains this vial.” he says as he raises the vial higher to show to the entire class. “But I must say, do not use it selfishly for you don’t have full control of your actions. Don’t abuse the power of the potion.”

Everybody seems to get the message and tries to go to their normal cauldrons and places in class but Slughorn turns back.

“For today’s class assignment, I would like to change things up. I have assigned new partners that must figure out how to cooperate and with the other to make this powerful potion.”

The entire room sighs in dread. Who is Lily going to have to be paired up with? Mary is the best partner she has but now that has to change. Remus won’t be a horrible option but he doesn’t excel in potions the same way she does. Marlene, as much as she is an amazing friend, barely knows how to work a cauldron.

Slughorn begins his list of partners by looking at a dense piece of parchment. He starts with names of Slytherins that Lily knows vaguely but it later silenced with him announcing that Remus and Peter are being partnered together.

The two boys look at each other with happiness. At least some of the “Marauders” got paired together. Lily hears Sirius mumble something about life not being fair but along came a comment made by Remus that seemed to shut him up.

There are only a couple other names that he has to announce which makes her nervous because neither her name, Marlene’s, Mary’s, Regulus’, Sirius’, or James’ names were called.

She knows that it can’t be Mary because that is who she originally was with. So it just comes down to the other four.

Merlin, she just hopes it isn’t James.

She’ll take Sirius over the doe-eyed boy a thousand times over now. It doesn’t matter how much he gets on her nerves. Lily does not want it to happen.

She would even mind if it was Regulus. At least that way she didn’t have to deal with as much heartbreak looking at the boy that stole James’ heart. He also was spectacular at potions which would be a bonus and easier to get the prize of the vial.

Please.

Not James.

“Ms. Evans and Mr. Potter.”

Just her luck. Ironic, isn’t it? She wished she could have taken the stupid potion early to use for this situation. At least then she could get out of the predicament that she is in now.

She turns to the boy that has shattered her heart into millions of pieces just for him to give her that stupid smile that gives her butterflies in her stomach. He doesn’t seem to be phased at all.

Slughorn continues his list by saying that Mary and Regulus along with Marlene and Sirius are partners together.

Marlene and Mary turn to Lily in concern and sorrow. Lily knows they want to do something and protect her in any way that they can.

Marlene turns to Slughorn and says “Professor, can me and James switch please. I don’t think that me and Sirius can work well together.”

That is true. Those two cause so much of the chaos in the Gryffindor Quidditich team and the common room.

“Marlene, what the hell! I’m a perfect partner.”

“Shut up Sirius, you don’t know anything!”

“No, you shut up!”

“Ms. McKinnon, I’m sorry but there isn’t anything that can be swapped. Mr. Potter and Mr. Black were already together before and we can’t have that happen. Please report to your cauldron and start the experiment.”

The blonde is angered by the response and she and Mary go to Lily.

“I am so sorry. If James says anything to you that hurts you, I am going to beat his ass. I am serious.”

Lily quietly laughs. “There is nothing you can do about it but thanks.”

Mary starts to speak “Lily, truly just do what you can and stay strong. I know you can do it.”

“Thanks Mary.”

They each turn back to the stations and Lily just wants to leave but she can’t do anything about it. She just has to do what Mary said and stay strong and power through it. James is already at the cauldron and looking at the potions book fairly clueless.

“Hey, Lily” he says in a monotone voice.

“Hi, Potter.”

Wait. Did he say Lily?

All the time in the past, he had always said “Evans”. It was never Lily.

The thought of her saying her first name made her heart race but his tone of voice did not serve the connotation that would allow her to feel giddy. The way of saying it showed no sense of yearning or the love that it did before.

This is going to hurt.

Lily just wants to focus on the potion and try to keep this interaction as short as possible. She turns to look at her potions book to try and begin making it.

“Can you please pass me the Ashinwinder egg?”

James hands it to her and she places it into the cauldron along with the horseradish that follows suit. The two just continue along with the potion in silence which pleases her.

However, this doesn’t stay forever.

As James is grinding up the Occamy eggshells he asks, “Why are you ignoring me?”
“What?”

“You’re ignoring me. I know it. I don’t know what I did but I definitely feel like I did something wrong.”

Lily looks at the boy directly in the eyes for the first time since the prank that they played on Severus.

She could just melt right into them with the crisp and hazel look. It was the color of pure beauty and at the same time caused all her problems.

“No, James. You haven’t done anything.”

“Yes I have. Remus has been telling me to talk to you. He’s always on my ass about it recently.”

“Of course, Remus said something.” None of those four boys could keep a secret from one another longer than a day. But maybe that wasn’t true for James definitely has kept his secret rendez-vous with Regulus for a long ass time.

“I want to say that I am sorry. I’m sorry for my idiotic confessions and acting like an actual child. Really, I just wanted attention from someone because my entire life has been practically given to me. My parents had fallen in love the second they saw each other on the train and I wanted to be just like them but instead I just made you hate me. I know there isn’t something that I can do that would take back anything that I did. I just want to say that I’m so sorry. I want to actually be your friend but I have just been an asshole to you.”

Oh.

That is not what she had expected.

James Potter apologizing for what he did.

Apologizing for his so-called “love” for her.

It was all a lie.

A ruse.

It wasn’t real.

But it was real for Regulus Black.

He got to see the real love and affection by this boy. It just made her angry. She didn’t know when it started but her tears made a return.

Her voice rose in a way that she never had before.

“So it was all a lie now? Was it all a lie when you planned our wedding? Were all your Valentine’s gifts and confessions were all lies? It was just a part of your fantasy of your perfect life. I am so dumb that I didn’t understand that you are just a liar. Well, fuck you James. It wasn’t a lie to me.”

Her hand seemed to have a mind of its own because it actually connected to James’ cheek and before she knew it, she slapped him.

All that was going through her mind was his lies.

She was too late to something that wasn’t even real.

All she heard as she ran outside the classroom was a loud gasp of the students and a loud “Fuck you” made by Marlene.

She knew that Mary and Marlene were behind her but she wanted to be alone and curl up in her bed until it would swallow her up.

She had slapped him and essentially told everyone around her feelings for him.

This brought her all the pain in the world and it would sting for the rest of life.

Or at least she thought.