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I Will Carry You

Summary:

It starts as many things do – because of erotica – wait no, scratch that. It starts because, as it turns out, mind flayers and Absolutists alike have no limits to whom they will infect. If only our heroic band of misfits knew that before finding the previously mentioned erotica…

Teen!Tav AU

Chapter Text

“You might want to check this out.” The famous phrase that is the start of sheer unadulterated chaos in every corner of the realms.

Especially when it’s Astarion holding out a book to Shadowheart.

“What sort of trick is this?” Shadowheart raises a brow at him but swipes the text regardless.

“No tricks, just… page one-twenty-nine, if you would be so kind.” Astarion looks at her with a light of mischief in his gaze that has Shadowheart deeply suspicious.

Heavens, Hells, and All the In-Between ? Don’t tell me you’re looking for romantic advice from a novel.” Shadowheart reads the title with a scoff in the back of her throat. Not that Gale will need any wooing from the vampire who is so clearly infatuated already.

“Not exactly, a mere, curiosity I’ll say. I simply ask because I need a second opinion.”

Shadowheart flips to the page in question, smoothing out the dogeared corner of the page. She finds her face slackening as she reads through the scene.

“Gods above.”

“I know! ” Astarion giggles. “Can you believe!?”

“Is-… is that… even possible?”

“That’s what I’m saying!”

“What are we saying?” Wyll asks, depositing a bit of firewood in its place.

“Wyll, you read smutty romance novels, right?” Shadowheart shoves the book into his hands.

“Well I-”

“Just look at this and tell me if you think it’s possible,” Shadowheart barrels over Wyll’s protests.

“What are we talking about?” Gale asks, looking up from muddling spices for dinner tonight.

“This smut book has the most outlandish idea of human anatomy I’ve ever seen… I love it,” Astarion cackles as Wyll’s face flushes a deep burgundy.

“Oh my.” Wyll gulps as he slams the book shut.

“Well, color me intrigued,” Gale chuckles at such a response.

“There’s not-”

“What’s that?” Karlach swipes the book out of Wyll’s hands and reads a few lines before cackling, “Oh man is that even possible!?”

“Oh I have an idea,” Shadowheart says. “Wyll, sit down.”

“Huh?” Wyll barely has time to ask before Shadowheart is pushing him onto a log and straddling him, knees on either side of his.

“Now someone get behind me,” Shadowheart instructs.

“Gods Shadowheart, at least warn me before mounting!” Wyll laughs, though a touch of nerves wheedle their way into his tone.

“Okay so if I’m here, Gale come behind me.” Astarion positions himself behind Shadowheart.

Shadowheart narrows her gaze at the vampire, “There’s not-”

“Shh!” Astarion hushes her as Gale, a bit sheepishly, joins the love puddle.

Astarion pulls Gale’s arms around his waist just as Lae’zel and Halsin approach.

“What’s this?” Halsin asks, amusement hanging in his tone.

“Oh, you know, a bit of light reading.” Karlach holds up the book.

“We’re trying to figure out how this scene is supposed to work. Actually, Halsin, if you would be so kind.” Shadowheart beckons him over.

“Yeah, if you could, ‘wrap a firm hand at the back of her neck and force her gaze towards yours, full of fire, full of intent,’” Karlach reads from the text with a laugh.

Halsin needs no further prompting as he does what is asked of him unquestionably. Shadowheart makes an almost indiscernible sound at the vigor with which Halsin performs said task; it makes Astarion snort.

“Try not to bash my nose in, dear.” Astarion puffs out a breath to move Shadowheart’s ponytail out of his way.

“So how the fuck are Wyll’s fingers meant to be in Gale’s ass then?” Shadowheart asks.

“What?” Gale deadpans. Astarion leans a little further back into the broad chest of the wizard.

“Go along with it, darling, it’s all for science,” Astarion snickers, grinding just a touch against Gale’s hips.

“I think… this fucking author is playing the pronoun game… maybe it’s Halsin who’s fingering Gale?” Karlach flips through the pages to try and make sense of it.

“Is this some mating ritual or is this purely carnal?” Lae’zel asks, observing the pile of bodies with a keen interest.

“I-… I don’t know,” Wyll responds, flustered and distracted by looking anywhere but Shadowheart’s breasts.

“I assure you, in this position there’s no child being produced,” Astarion snickers.

“So I have Wyll in the front, Astarion pegging me, am I expected to do anything else?” Shadowheart asks.

“Um, looks like maybe a hand job? Wait… Halsin’s… ugh this is so confusing.”

“So let’s say I am the one fingering Gale,” Halsin gropes Gale’s ass with a teasing glint in his eyes. “What comes next?”

“You all are playing very fast and loose with a man who could end all of us in the blink of an eye.”

Astarion pouts up at the man, “Why do you always take it there?”

“Okay I think Wyll is supposed to be giving Halsin… head? I think… maybe it’s a handy.” Karlach continues to decipher the book.

“Someone should be pulling Shadowheart’s hair,” Lae’zel says.

“Why?” Shadowheart asks.

“Because I’d like to see it,” Lae’zel says, humorlessly.

Astarion tugs on her ponytail, making Shadowheart elbow him in the ribs.

“Alright, yeah that’s it, Wyll lean towards Halsin like you’re giving him a blowjob,” Karlach calls out.

“No.” Wyll glares in her direction.

“Come on, take one for the team!” Karlach chuckles.

“Consider this a team building exercise, and later when we put it into action we can decide who sits where.” Astarion grinds between Shadowheart and Gale suggestively.

“Somewhere, the gods are watching… and they are deeply disappointed,” Gale half-sighs half-chuckles.

“Hardly, the Oak Father would be quite pleased with this offering,” Halsin laughs.

“I want to see if this is even possible so lean your head towards Halsin, Wyll. As far as you can,” Shadowheart instructs, the lilt of a laugh on her tongue.

“Ugh,” Wyll sighs but relents, contorting awkwardly towards the druid.

“Excellent,” Lae’zel smirks at the scene. “A fine picture of lust incarnate.”

“I can’t.” Wyll straightens up and shakes his head.

“Really?” Shadowheart asks.

“No! I have ribs in the way!”

“What’s going on here?” Finally emerging from a moment of rest, Teagan appears – wide eyed and stunned by the scene she’s bearing witness to.

“Ah, there you are! Come now, perhaps an additional body will help us figure this out.” Astarion motions for their intrepid leader to join them.

“I-… what’s happening? What did I miss?” Teagan asks, looking to Karlach for answers.

“This porn book is baffling and I’ve got a bone to pick with the bloody author. They never use anyone’s fucking name and there are at least four people in this scene, three of which have the same fucking pronouns.”

Lae’zel promptly answers, “We’re trying to see if Wyll should devour Halsin’s-”

“Ah!” Gale gasps suddenly. “Astarion, what do you think you’re doing?”

“Oops, my hand slipped, honest mistake.” Astarion tilts his head innocently at Gale as his hand returns to Shadowheart’s hip.

“Honest? Yes, the only honest thing about this is Wyll’s flush.”

“Fuck you,” Wyll groans.

“Um… perhaps I should um… be anywhere but here,” Teagan mutters.

“Nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. All of this is purely natural born instinct; a group of handsome folk coming together to ravage each other is to be expected,” Halsin says – almost as if it’s a true scholarly observation.

“Can someone hurry up and figure out if Gale is supposed to be touching me? My feet are falling asleep,” Shadowheart complains.

“Then get up!” Wyll groans.

Astarion glances back at their heroic leader with a grin – amused by the way she blushes, the slack jawed awe with which she stares at the group. It’s so intriguing he can’t help but peek into her mind; alliances be damned he’s just so curious. He calls forth to his parasite, intentionally probing into her mind. The first thoughts he hears give him pause:

Don’t panic, Teagan, don’t panic. This is totally normal adult behavior… I think… maybe… You’ve seen way worse at father’s tavern, it’s okay. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.

Those thoughts are so curious he cannot help but press just a bit further:

They still don’t know, they CAN’T know… You’re fifteen years old, you're not a child anymore, you can handle a little bit of sex talk!

Astarion gasps so hard he gags on it.

“What? What happened!? Are you alright?” Gale releases his tentative hold on Astarion’s waist to rub his back.

“Was it that good for him?” Lae’zel asks Karlach who shrugs in response.

“What. The. Fuck!? ” Astarion whips around towards the girl. Suddenly it’s so very clear to him how young she is; her wide round eyes, her belligerent naïve belief of the innate goodness of others, hells she even still has the softness of baby fat in her cheeks.

“What!?!” she squeaks in response.

“You’re FIFTEEN!?!” He asks the question, but it is more accusatory than anything.

Teagan gasps and the rest of the gang fall into stunned silence.

“Were you in my head!? Did you use the tadpole on me!?” she demands, stamping her foot in frustration.

“That’s beside the point, are you really fifteen!?”

“So what if I am?” Teagan bites back.

“You… you mean fifteen decades… right?” Shadowheart asks, slowly removing herself from Wyll’s lap.

“Do I look like I’m a hundred years old? I’m a human, you know.” Teagan huffs, embarrassment flooding her face as she tries to think of a way out of this conversation.

“Oh… Oh my god you’re a baby.” Karlach drops the book and cups her own face, looking in dismay at their young leader.

“I’m not a baby!” Teagan groans.

“You’re no more than a child… the gods are crueler than I thought.” Wyll shakes his head, something like grief falling down on his shoulders.

“Your brain isn’t even fully developed yet, how are… and why would mind flayers kidnap a child to infect?” Gale asks, musing on the idea.

“I am not a child, I’m almost sixteen which is plenty old enough to be on my own,” Teagan insists.

Karlach sighs, “Oh gods… Just you saying that is enough to break my heart.”

“I don’t understand your pitying looks, by the time a Gith youngling is fifteen they have christened their blades with the blood of their enemies – slaughtered dozens of ghaik – and entered Vlaakith’s service as a full member of their crèche.”

Shadowheart narrows her gaze and tilts her head at Lae’zel. “What the fuck?”

“While that’s fascinating Lae’zel – and I will be following up on that later – humans are not considered fully grown until they’re at least eighteen… even then, most humans wouldn’t dream of taking orders from anyone younger than twenty-five,” Gale says. It doesn’t matter if his tone sounds closer to a professor reading a passage from a textbook, it doesn’t matter that Teagan knows he doesn’t mean it that way. It hurts; it hurts and she feels the tears welling up behind her eyes, which makes her all the more angry.

“Well you didn’t have any fucking problem taking orders from me at the goblin camp, or when I let you join the group!” Teagan spits at him.

Gale’s face registers his shocked embarrassment as he frantically tries to recover the conversation, “Wait that’s not-”

 “None of you seemed to care about my being in charge this entire time because you’re all so deep in your own shit. That’s not my fault!”

“You should have told us regardless!” Astarion snaps.

“Oh so I should have told you I’m a teenager but you didn’t have to tell us you’re a vampire? You’re a fucking hypocrite!”

“This isn’t about him, you’re a baby you shouldn’t have been in charge at all!” Karlach still hasn’t recovered from the shock of the revelation.

“Karlach’s right, we’re the adults; we shouldn’t be burdening children with these sorts of responsibilities. I know that all too well…” Wyll seems to get lost in thought.

“So twenty seconds ago I was a great leader you all would follow to the hells and back but now that there’s a number attached to me I’m a burden that needs protecting?” Teagan is fuming with each passing second.

“Nobody said that you’re a bad leader, you’re taking this out of proportion. Perhaps try taking a deep breath,” Shadowheart suggests blythly. It makes the frustrated shaking in Teagan’s body amplify as she actively fights bursting into tears.

“See, look at her, a trembling little girl. This is why we shouldn’t have a teenager be our leader!” Astarion folds his arms over his chest.

“Fine!” Teagan snaps again, hot tears rolling down her cheeks. “I’ll just fucking leave then! I hate you!”

She doesn’t stay to hear what their response to that is, instead she’s turning heel and running off down the river. The group stand in shock, both from the revelation and the way their lionhearted leader burst so quickly into tears.

“Well… shit.” Shadowheart grimaces once the sound of footfalls and sobs fade into nothing.

“Did you intentionally try to belittle and demean her? If so, I believe you succeeded,” Lae’zel glowers at the group.

“I think she proved our point quite flawlessly.” Astarion shrugs; a hint of guilt hangs in his eyes even if he refuses to acknowledge it.

“Even if that’s true… there are quite a few feet in quite a few mouths.” Gale rubs the back of his neck. “We could have been more tactful.”

“Are we wrong to worry? Fifteen is… she’s so young, she has so much of her life ahead of her… well, she would at least… if not for the parasite,” Wyll sighs. “Poor girl…”

“I don’t think we made her suffering any better. Even if Shar calls on us to feel such things… that was particularly unpleasant.”

“Oh boohoo, it’s not like it’s our fault. She deliberately kept it from us!” Astarion insists.

“Did you ever ask?” Halsin interjects.

“Excuse me?” Astarion asks.

“Did you ever ask? Did you ever inquire about her life before being taken prisoner?” Halsin reiterates the question.

“When I poked around in her brain she made it very clear she didn’t want us to know,” Astarion points out.

“Well, perhaps if you had asked her, shown some semblance of interest in her life before now, she would have been more inclined to share.”

“So… this is our fault?” Wyll asks.

“There’s no reason to pin blame on anyone – emotions are bound to run high in times of great stress such as these. But… she did not deserve to be made to feel so othered.” Halsin shakes his head. “I’ll go after her, I suggest you think of some way to apologize.”

“Wait… before you go…” Karlach sighs. “I hate to say it, but I think we do need to talk about leadership. I mean fuck. She’s fifteen, she shouldn’t have to be making all the decisions for our group.”

“I agree-”

“Astarion, there is no world in which you become our de facto leader.” Gale smirks at him.

“Well I-… that’s just rude… You hurt my feelings.” Astarion pouts.

“What about you, Halsin? You led the Grove just fine on your own,” Shadowheart poses the question.

“While I’m flattered, I am not infected like you all, so I doubt I will be of any help in that regard. Especially since my goal is to banish the Shadow Curse, first and foremost.”

“I will take up the mantle if we are so inclined to usurp Teagan from her role,” Lae’zel offers.

“I’d rather die,” Shadowheart groans.

“That can be arranged,” Lae’zel sneers.

“My vote is Gale or Wyll,” Karlach says. “Smarts or charm, pick your poison.”

“How dare you, I’m both smart and quite charming,” Gale chuckles.

“Are you calling me dumb?” Wyll asks.

“Gods, I think we’re dead,” Shadowheart seems to realize as she looks at their group. The realization that perhaps none of their group are fit to lead hits her like a ton of bricks… this is probably why Teagan took up the role so readily.

“I will go to her now, try to gather your wits while I’m gone.” Halsin heads after the youngest member of their little group.

“So…” Gale drawls. “Shadowheart?”

“Yes, Gale?” Shadowheart turns to him with a raised brow.

“Could you… perhaps… cast inflict wounds on me at the highest fucking level you can?”

“Huh?” Wyll asks.

“I am… rapidly remembering all the times I flirted with a fifteen-year-old and I would simply like to perish.” Gale rubs his temples.

“Oh-… oh fuck.” Astarion gags, covering his eyes as he filters through many simultaneous memories of salacious conversation. “I can’t-… no, stop it! Stop it, brain! EW!”

Karlach stills as well. “I did not tell a fifteen-year-old I wanted to ride her… Oh no… Oh gods.”

“On second thought, I’m going to find a ditch to detonate the orb in, anyone want to join me?” Gale asks.

“Alright, I suppose,” Astarion groans.

“The people of this realm are prone to insane theatrics. None of you would survive in the Astral Sea.”

While the adults conversed amongst themselves, Teagan raced down the river and into the woods. Hot, frustrated tears leak down her cheeks despite her hopes that she could pull herself together. She can’t help but cry. Embarrassment floods her chest and all she can think is: they don’t want me, they don’t want me and they hate me, I really can do nothing right.

She curls up by the bank of the river, crying into her knees as she tries to shut out the world. She’s so used to doing this, to making herself as small as possible to keep the world at bay – it rarely works.

“Child of divinity, why hast thou run from camp?”

She looks up at the decrepit skeleton with a sneer. “It seems I am no longer wanted at camp.”

“Ah, but that is untrue and you are aware of that.”

“They said they didn’t want me,” she insists with a hiccup.

Withers’ unrelenting gaze remains stern but not unkind. “They said no such thing. They need you more than you could ever know.”

Teagan looks back towards the river. “If I… if I’m not… If I can’t make myself useful, they won’t let me stay and then I’ll turn into a mind flayer.”

“They have no intention to cast you out, child. Fate spins along as it should, as it was always intended to.”

“So they were always supposed to make me feel like shit?” Teagan asks with a laugh.

“Mortals have their own freewill; sometimes they use it for less-than-ideal purposes.” If a skeleton could smile, she’s certain Withers would be giving her a teasing grin.

“Am I really meant to be here, Withers?” Teagan asks, almost embarrassed to be asking.

“Indeed you are,” he confirms.

The rustling of trees signal the end of their conversation. Withers moves aside and soon Halsin is his place.

“There you are,” he says, a relieved smile taking over his features.

“Hey,” she mutters, returning her gaze to her knees.

“May I sit with you?”

She doesn’t respond verbally but does scoot over a bit, inviting him to stay.

“I suppose asking if you are alright would be foolish, but I am here to listen, should you be willing to speak with me.”

Teagan sits for a moment, thinking of what to say. “Are they angry?”

“No, from what I gathered they’re all quite worried about you.”

“Well, they didn’t do a good job expressing that.”

Halsin chuckles, “You’re quite right.”

“They’re not… they’re not going to make me leave… are they?”

“Of course not.” Halsin puts an arm around her small frame. “Misguided as they might be, they are still your friends and companions. They’ve no intention of abandoning you. We’re all just hoping to… do a bit more shielding you from the harsh realities of the situation you find yourself in.”

She wrinkles her nose at that. “I don’t need to be coddled.”

“Not coddled, protected; there is a difference. Where we can mitigate your exposure to the hardship we face, we intend to do so,” Halsin assures her.

Teagan fiddles with the ends of her hair. “I don’t want to be treated differently.”

Halsin hums thoughtfully, scrounging around in his mind for some words of comfort for her.

“Haven’t I proven myself enough? Haven’t I shown that I can be the driving force this group needs?”

“You have, and then some… still, it was unfair of them to burden you with all this responsibility to begin with. Consider this atonement.”

“I don’t want to be relegated to the sidelines,” she says.

“And you won’t be. Time will be a testament to that.” Halsin wipes her flushed cheeks of any residual tears. “Now, why don’t we wash up and get back to camp for some dinner; how does that sound?”

She thinks on it a moment, contemplating Wither’s words and Halsin’s. Can she trust that she really won’t be turned away?

“You’re sure they won’t make me leave?” she asks, her eyes welling up with tears again.

“They most certainly will not make you leave, I’m sure of it,” he confirms, reaching into his pack and retrieving a rag for her to dry her eyes.

“What if you’re wrong?” she asks stubbornly.

Halsin bites down a chuckle at the pout she gives him - really, how did anyone fail to realize her youth? “Then I will personally steal that artifact that keeps you from turning and slip it into your pack before you go.”

She chuckles then. “You’re not very stealthy, Halsin, I don’t imagine that would go particularly well.”

“Which should show my confidence that our friends will not send you away,” he reiterates. “Let’s go, little one, before the others begin to worry.”

She takes his hand and follows after him back towards camp; the air is stiff with unease upon their return. Lae’zel sharpens her blade while Gale has returned to the task of cooking dinner. Wyll looks up at her and then sharply away as if he’d been caught doing something wrong. 

“Welcome back, kiddo, you doing okay?” Karlach asks, looking up from the book in her lap with a kind smile.

Teagan wrinkles her nose at the nickname. “I’m fine.”

“Good, hope you’re hungry, Gale’s been working up a sweat over there,” she laughs.

“I have not!” Gale feigns a gasp.

“You have, you’re practically soaking, dear,” Astarion purrs playfully.

Gale blushes in response. “You are unsightly.”

Teagan settles in beside Gale, offering to help finish the meal. Once everyone is served a dish - save Astarion who is itching to go for a hunt - Shadowheart sighs.

“So, who’s going to say it?” she asks blithely.

“Say what?” Halsin retorts.

“Well… you know.” She darts her eyes over to Wyll.

“Uh-... perhaps… not now…” he chuckles awkwardly.

“Is everything alright?” Teagan asks nervously.

“Of course!” he says a little too enthusiastically; Astarion facepalms beside him.

“Gods above,” Gale sighs.

“It’s just that we- um- heh-” Wyll laughs nervously. “We’ve decided that… well…”

“Wyll is going to be our leader from now on, though I imagine that it will be disastrous.” Lae’zel sneers at the blushing Blade.

Teagan feels a pang of hurt in her stomach, but she takes a bite of her dinner to cover the pain and nods mutely in response.

“I’m sorry, but-”

“Wyll, respectfully, shut up,” Gale implores him.

“Right…” Wyll swallows nervously.

Teagan, feeling like she is still very much in trouble, returns to the docile nature she once used to protect herself from her angry father. Quiet, meek, obedient, those are all things she knows how to be - things she had hoped to escape now that she’s out from under his thumb. Returning to that feels wrong, almost like a betrayal, but she has very little in the way of choice.

“Hey, it’s okay, you know,” Gale whispers to her. “All of it… all of this is going to be okay.”

She isn’t certain she believes him, what with the way that Wyll is being relentlessly teased by Astarion and Shadowheart for his sudden loss of confidence - erstwhile Lae’zel just seems to be bullying him. 

Teagan resolves, then and there, that the others can and should have a fair shot at taking the lead… even if it looks like that might be a ruinous endeavor.