Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There was a building, with a series of hallways. They twisted and turned like giant snakes, wrapping around each other, and making any hopeful customers look at each other and say, “Yeah, no.”
This could explain why Detective Logico had not gotten any visitors. Sure, he was the only deductive detective in the city- perhaps the only one in the world, as when he set up the business, the director had him pay upfront- but no matter! Logico would stare at that door for as long as it took for someone to walk in, even in this wretched building.
Logico stared at the door for so long, that he almost missed the phone ringing. He hadn’t wanted to install a phone on his desk, but every detective show he watched had one, so he would have to have one too.
Finally, once he realized the phone was ringing, Logico picked it up. On the other end, pleasant classical music filtered through. Even though he could not place the tune, Logico hummed along. Badly. Suddenly, the music stopped, and a voice spoke.
“Logico, you simply must do better than that! I took you for a detective, not a common ragamuffin!” The voice said pompishly.
Logico was supposed to know who this was, right? He had no idea. Maybe the music held a clue? He hummed the tune back to himself, and something fleeting crossed his mind. He recognized a strand of the piece- but just a bit. Suddenly, he realized. The only time he had heard any classical music at all was in college, simply because he went to a fancy college, and people in fancy colleges enjoy fancy music. Anyway, one particular friend of his would not shut up about classical composers. Logico supposed he’d see if the person on the other line was her.
“Is this- Dame Obsidian?” Logico asked. The person on the other line erupted into applause.
“Logico, you’ve got it! Splendid! I knew that you would recognize Taneyev’s Piano Quintet. It was the first song you and I ever bonded over!”
In truth, Logico had no idea about the classical music. The only reason he even knew who was on the other line was that no sane person would use the word “Ragamuffin.” The Dame continued talking.
“Anywho, Logico, I’m having a little dinner party at my mansion, and I was wondering if you would be a doll and come over! My guests would DIE to talk to a real-life detective, and it would help out my reputation ever so much!”
Logico understood about half of what she said. What it boiled down to in his brain was that there was a dinner party that he was invited to, and if there was anything he loved more than cases, it was free food.
“I’d be delighted, Dame Obsidian,” Logico answered.
“Oh, goody! It is formal wear, though… Do you have a suit?”
Logico did not have a suit. “Yes,” he said.
“Really? I’ve never seen you look presentable!” Dame Obsidian said, shocked. “It will be a pleasant surprise to see you in something other than that tweed coat you always wear.” She paused. “Anyway, you know my address. See you there tonight! Ta-Ta!”
The line disconnected. Logico rubbed his head. Tonight? He had no suit- he had no charm, and how was he ever supposed to measure up to DAME OBSIDIAN? He sighed and looked down. Perhaps Ted’s suit rentals would be of some use.

Logico pulled into the driveway of Dame Obsidian’s mansion in his busted Chevrolet Camaro. Sure, it was old, but it had that charm that made people think he was smart. He glanced around at some of the other cars. All of them were varying states of rich- Ferraris, Rolls-Royces, and he could even spot a few Lamborghinis parked in the back. Observing this, Logico decided to park in the back, next to a delivery truck. He would blend right in.
Logico walked to the main entrance of the mansion, adjusting his suit. Ted’s suit rentals came in handy these days. No one could tell it was rented at all!
As the door opened for him, someone noticed his suit was rented. It was the butler opening the door- the first person in the whole house.
“Invitation?” The butler asked, eying his suit like he wanted to remove it. Not in a weird way or anything, just because it was an ugly suit.
Logico reached into his pocket and pulled out a very crumpled-up invitation, which he handed to the butler. If the butler could look more distraught, he did. Logico gently placed his invitation on top of the nice, pristine stack and scuttled inside.
Dame Obsidian was an author, so that meant her house had actual character. The guests strolled around under branches, and bookcases lined the walls- all Dame Obsidian’s books. All the classics were there- Mother of Mystery, Silent like Stone- along with a few others. Logico was about to pull a new one down from the top shelf when Dame Obsidian came barreling towards him.
“Logico! You’re here! You’ve made it! And you look decent! What a surprise!”

While that might be surprising, one thing that was not was that Dame Obsidian was very intoxicated.
“Oh, Logico- you have to let me show you around!” Dame Obsidian said excitedly. Logico had been to the mansion no less than 73 times, and every single time she insisted on showing Logico around. Logico was too scared to say no.
Taking Logico’s stone silence as an answer, Dame Obsidian began parading him about. Logico could hardly keep track of all the faces- and the names flashed by just as fast. All Logico could hope to do was nod and smile, and look smart.
Dame Obsidian was now going upstairs. Logico had never been upstairs in her house, and to be honest, he didn’t want to start now.
“Now, I’m not trying to be rude here, Madame- but aren’t your guests expecting you?” Logico asked, trying sneakily to walk away. Dame Obsidian turned around.
“Oh, Logico. Always 2 steps behind. I’ve just installed a movie theater upstairs, and I know you love movies. Come!”
Logico sighed and followed her up the stairs.

Dame Obsidian’s new movie theater was probably the most expensive room Logico had ever seen. The seats were red velvet, and in the corner, there was a popcorn machine that smelled heavenly. Logico was just about to fall asleep in one of the chairs when there was a scream.
Logico turned. “Hello?” He yelled, looking around. Dame Obsidian was gone. Rushing out of the room, Logico opened the nearest door- and stumbled upon the weirdest room he had ever seen. Blank white walls- blank white floors- and an unmade king-sized bed. He doubted this was Dame Obsidian’s bedroom- but anything could be possible. As he looked around the room some more, he heard a small cough come from behind the door. Peeking behind it, he saw a figure desperately trying to look innocent- which was hard when you were brandishing a huge aluminum pipe.
“Uh- Hello,” Logico said. The figure slowly looked up at him.
“Hey,” they said. Logico closed the door, revealing the person.
The man standing on the other side was Midnight III- the wealthy grandson of the founder of Midnight Movies.
“This isn’t going to be awkward- is it?” Midnight asked, still brandishing the pipe. Logico looked at him.
“Midnight, I’m going to have to ask- why do you have that?”
Midnight put the pipe behind his back, hiding it.
“I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about, pal. No pipe here,” Midnight lied.
Logico looked at him exasperatedly. Midnight sighed.
“Alright, fine. I heard a scream in the bathroom, and being the strong man I am, I grabbed this from the ceiling and headed in. However… I’m not going to die today. Maybe you can handle it?” Midnight asked, shoving Logico towards the bathroom door. Logico rolled his eyes and was about to open the door when his phone rang.
Logico fumbled around in his pocket, trying to pick it up as Midnight stifled a chuckle.
“Dude, is your ringtone the Inspector Gadget theme song?” Midnight asked. Logical shot him a glare, and answered the phone.
“Hello?” Logico asked, holding the phone to his ear.
A confident voice on the other line said “I just cast some runes, Logico- and they said that Dame Obsidian ate with a fork.”
“Who is this?” Logico asked- but by that time, the other person had hung up. “Well, yeah, of course, she ate with a fork. What else would she eat with?” Logico mumbled.
Logico put his phone back in his pocket and began opening the door to the bathroom. The door opened quietly- and it opened into the biggest bathroom Logico had ever seen. The walls were made of marble, and the tub was raised in the center of the room. Speaking of the tub, there was a body in it. Logico, realizing this, rushed over.
“Hello? Can you hear me? Are you ok?” Logical asked frantically. The body did not respond, probably because it was dead.
Logico looked around frantically, trying to see if anyone was in there. He didn’t see anyone, but he did see something on the ground. Not sure how he hadn’t noticed it before- but maybe because rich people have a lot of candles lying everywhere. Anyway, it was a candle. It had a dent in its side, just like the dent in the body’s head.
Logico picked the candle up and smelled it. It was disgusting, which made sense that it was in a bathroom. He set the candle down and looked around the bathroom some more. He didn’t see anything out of the ordinary- except- the closet.
The bathroom that Logico was currently in had a closet. Not sure why, as it appeared that no one used this room, but it had one anyway. Leading into the closet were 2 doors, and one of them was ajar. Logico grabbed the candle from the ground- which looked more menacing in his head- and began walking towards the open door.
As Logico reached the closet, he threw open the door- and saw someone crouching in the back.
“Hey! You! Come out!” Logico yelled, brandishing his candle threateningly. The figure slowly stood up, and Logico realized who it was.
“Aurolin! What are you doing here? Did you kill the person outside?” Logico asked furiously.
“Oh, Logico. What are you talking about? I didn’t even know there was a body outside!” Aurolin said innocently. Logico might have believed her, except for the fact that she was currently covered in blood.
Before Logico continues this, the person he is questioning is named The Amazing Aurolin. (Show name, obviously.) he past 3 husbands have mysteriously died, and now she can afford to be a magician. Now, back to Logico.
“You’re covered in blood! Of course, you killed them! That’s it, I’m calling the police,” Logico said, reaching for his phone
“Don’t worry, Logico. I’ve got it covered,” Midnight said, walking into the bathroom with his arms open. Logico and Aurolin stared at him.
Midnight wheeled around. “Guys. You’re supposed to come in now,” he said awkwardly. As soon as he said that, the bathroom door burst open, and 2 police officers stormed in, yelling.
Aurolin also yelled and tried to flee, but unfortunately, she was in a closet, which meant there was nowhere to go. The officers grabbed her and began to drag her out.
“No jail can hold me!” Aurolin screamed, not realizing she probably just confessed. Logico watched her go.
“Well, look who’s the hero now, Logico. I am. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go downstairs and brag about myself. Farewell, Logico,” Midnight said, closing the bathroom door and sashaying out.
Logico looked around. Did they just forget to take the body? He thought the police would at least remember that. Sighing, Logico walked back to the movie theater where he last saw Dame Obsidian.
When he arrived, he didn’t see anyone- but looks can be deceiving, he thought, walking to the back. There, hiding under a red velvet seat, was Dame Obsidian, holding a fork.
“You look… comfortable, Madame,” Logico said, extending a hand, which Dame Obsidian grabbed.
“Do not. Do you think I wanted to deal with a scream? In my mansion? Luckily, that was not my bedroom, so I don’t have to sleep there.”
Logico looked at her quizzically. “That’s not your bedroom? Then what is it?” He asked.
“My affairs room,” Dame Obsidian said as if this made perfect sense.
“Ah,” Logico said, wanting to turn the conversation to anything else. “Well… I should probably be going. Nothing like a murder to make you want to leave.”
Dame Obsidian nodded. “Well then, Ta ta! I do hope you visit again soon!”
Logico nodded and headed downstairs. He walked past the guests, who were listening wide-eyed to Midnight III’s heroic tales- he walked past the butler, and out the front door, where he got in his car and left.
Logico flicked on the light to his apartment a few hours later. He had stopped to get dinner, and he was just about ready to fall asleep. He pulled down his loft bed, walked over to the microwave to make himself coffee, and promptly fell asleep on the floor.

Chapter Text

Logico had just woken up from his blissful murder-induced slumber when his phone rang. The Inspector Gadget theme song once again floated throughout the room. (No, he hadn’t changed it.) Logico, mumbling, grabbed his phone and held it to his ear.

“Hello?” He mumbled. A sharp voice on the other line rang out.

“Is this Detective Logico?” The voice said piercingly. Logico rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up.

“This is him. What seems to be the issue?” 

“Well, my name is Miss Saffron, and I need your help,” the voice said. Logico waited for her to go on, which took quite a while.

“Oh, right. Anyway, I’m on vacation on my island right now, and one of the waiters mysteriously died. Since you’re the only detective who’s somehow still in business, can you come out and have a look?” 

Logico was ecstatic. Not because someone was dead- although he wasn't bummed since that was the only way he got paid. No, he was ecstatic because of the location. A secluded island? He’d wanted to solve a secluded island murder since he was young- which probably said a lot about him. 

“Of course! Can you send me where you’re staying? I’ll be there in a few hours if it’s close,” Locigo said excitedly.

“Sure.” The lady told him the address, and Logico hurriedly marked it down. “We’ve just kinda thrown the body into the basement of the mansion, so… yeah.”

“Great. Are you going to get me a boat, or do I have to rent my own?” Logico asked. The line was silent for a while, and he heard muffled voices talking.

“Get your own,” the voice said, and the line cut off.

Logico stood there for a while, holding the phone in his hand, trying to make sense of this case. How much did a boat cost?

Logico stood on a small dock, wearing a trench coat that was twice as large as him. Sure, the sailors were giving him weird looks, but that was the price you paid for privacy. Sweating from the heat, Logico walked the length of the dock, stopping near the end, where a battered dingy floated. He peered inside, hoping to look inside, when a voice stopped behind him.

“Hey! You! Stop!” The voice said, ringing out. Logico slowly turned with his hands above his head, staring directly into the eyes of a very spirited woman.

“What do you want?” She asked, brandishing a spear that she somehow had. Logico tried to look cool, which was hard when you looked like children sneaking into an R-rated movie.

“Ma’am, I assure you, I mean you no harm,” Logico said tentatively. The woman scoffed. 

“You don’t look like you belong here, Detective. I’d recommend leaving before you get hurt,” she stated firmly. Logico stared at her.

“Listen. All I want right now is to get to that island over there,” Logico said, pointing to the island. “Can you just take me? I’ll pay extra,” he finished, trying to look desperate, but not too desperate.

The woman put her spear down. “$100,” she said, glaring. Logico sighed. 

“Fine,” he said, pulling out a bill from his pocket. The woman snatched the bill, glared at him, and gestured to the boat. “Get in,” she said. 

Logico hopped off of the boat onto the island. All things considered, it was not the worst ride- he’d been on some… interesting boats. Tipping his hat to the woman, who immediately sped off, he observed his surroundings. The island was beautiful- lush trees, a huge house- the perfect place for a murder. As he began to walk up the side of the island, he was stopped by a woman rushing down.

“Are you Detective Logico?” She asked, panting heavily. Logico looked around. As far as he could tell, he was the only person that looked anything like a detective. You don’t exactly wear a trench coat without being one.

“Yes, that’s me. Are you- uh- Miss Saffron?” Logico asked. The woman clapped.

“Oh my god! You really are a detective!” she exclaimed. Logico neglected to tell her that she had introduced herself to him on the phone. “Anyway, thank you for coming. Do you want to go see the body?” she asked, with a little too much enthusiasm.

“Uh- sure,” Logico said, as they began walking. “Can you tell me anything about what happened?” he asked. 

Miss Saffron nodded. “Well, I was at these ruins,” she said. Logico looked. Sure enough, they were coming up on a large circle of rocks, arranged in no particular order. They looked a bit odd next to the mega-mansion, but people had their tastes. 

“Anyway, I was here getting tanned, when I heard a scream coming from down near the docks. I thought it was nothing.”

Logico glanced up at her. “You heard a scream and thought it was nothing? Was that not… odd to you?” 

Miss Saffron twirled her hair. “I hear screams all the time here!” She said, elbowing Logico. Since Logico was a detective and had little to no social interaction, he had no idea what she meant.

“Ah. Ok. Well. Then what?” Logico asked, pulling out a notepad from his jacket.

“Well, then when I realized that it was a real scream, I grabbed the closest weapon and lightly jogged over to where I heard it,” she finished.

Logico stopped walking. “A weapon? What weapon?” he asked, looking around. 

“A bear trap, silly!” Miss Saffron said, pointing ahead of them, where a bear trap lay on the ground. Logico walked over to it. 

“Fun fun fun. However. Why is it here?” Logico asked, poking at the trap with his pencil.

“I dropped it when I was jogging over,” Miss Saffron said as if this made perfect sense. “It was heavy,” she explained, stepping over the trap and continuing walking. Logico ran to catch up with her, and together, they walked onto the docks.

The docks were made out of thick, sturdy wood polished finely, overlooking a beautiful lake. It would have been a perfect scene if not for the dead body floating in the water. Standing next to the body, with increasing levels of concern on their faces, were two men. Miss Saffron waved at them excitedly, (maybe a little too excitedly…) and they waved back. One of the men walked over to them, jewels falling out of his pockets.

“Miss Saffron. I see you’ve gotten the detective out of his lair- good for you. A pleasure, Mr. Logico. Nice to see you’re still in business,” the man said. Logico looked him up and down. He was rich, for sure. Wearing a suit on an island was a dead giveaway. The fact that jewels were still falling from his pockets also helped his case.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr….?” Logico asked.

“Signor- not Mr- Signor Emerald,” the man said, shaking Logico’s hand. Logico had no idea who this was, but he was probably one of the people paying his fees, so he decided not to say anything.

“And this-” Miss Saffron cut in, “is Father Mango,” she said, gesturing to the second man, praying on the ground next to the body. When he heard his name, Father Mango stood up and smiled warmly at Logico.

“You must be Detective Logico. Thank you for coming, sir. Truly a tragedy that another life has been lost- he’s with the Lord now.”

Logico nodded. Why would a priest not be on the island? Before he could observe the body, Signor Emerald grabbed his wrist sharply.

“Sir. Before you start asking questions, I would like to clear my name. I have an alibi,” he said, looking panicked.

“Well, go ahead, Signor. Far be it for me to keep a man from his alibi,” Logico stated.

“When I heard the man screaming, I was over on the cliffs, enjoying some tea. I rushed down, and soon after, Father Mango came. I was the first one to find the body, sir- but I was not the murderer. The only thing I had with me at the time was a brick.”

At this, Logico looked up at him. “A brick? Why would you have that?” He asked. 

“I was throwing them off of the cliff- here, let me show you,” he said, rummaging through his pockets, jostling several jewels out at the same time. He produced the brick and handed it to Logico. Logico turned it over in his hands. It was an ordinary brick. 

“Ah. Yes. I see. Well. Glad you didn’t murder anyone,” Logico said, beginning to walk back to the docks. Signor Emerald politely nodded and promptly ran in the other direction. This would have been something that Detective Logico would have noticed, but he was distracted by a bottle that had just washed up on the beach shore.

Logico picked up the bottle. It was green. It was round. These were all attributes that Logico would have paid more attention to, had it not been for the note inside, which read:

“Logico, the stars are clear: a torn-out clump of bear fur was in the ancient ruins.”

Logico decided not to focus on the fact that the letter- which was in a bottle, was addressed to him- and instead focus on the facts. What did the letter mean by bear fur? What did any of this mean? Perhaps it was referencing Miss Saffron. She was by the ancient ruins, was she not? And she did claim to have a bear trap. This made sense. Logico nodded, thinking quickly. He had gotten everybody’s alibis- everyone but Father Mango.

As Logico arrived back on the dock, he could see Father Mango drinking something clear out of a glass and chatting with one of the server men.

“Father Mango!” Logico yelled. Father Mango stopped drinking, set the glass down, and tried to look as straight as possible.

“Father Mango, I’m sorry for interrupting you, but I have some questions to ask,” Logico stated, whipping out a notebook.

“I’ve questioned everybody, and I would like to know where you were when the murder happened.”

“Well,” Father Mango began, “I was at the docks.”

Logico lowered his notebook. “Like where the body was found?” Father Mango began to sweat.

“Well, yes, but, um… I didn’t… uh…. I stumbled across….” he stuttered, looking around hopelessly.

Logico crossed his arms, waiting for a response.

“Uh, well, you see, I brought this HARPOON to the docks because I was going to- uh- catch fish!” Father Mango yelled, holding up a harpoon, which was covered with dried blood.

“-----” Father Mango said, dropping the harpoon. Logico raised an eyebrow.

“Now listen! I know how this looks! But here’s the thing- I didn’t kill him! I promise! You have to believe me!” Father Mango said, looking desperately at Logico- as well as Miss Saffron and Signor Emerald, who had come up behind him to watch the show.

“Alright, that’s it, Father. You’re under arrest,” Logico said, grabbing a pair of handcuffs from inside his coat.
“How could you do this to such a holy man of God?” Father Mango yelled. The server boy behind him snorted, and Father Mango shot him a withering look. 

“Oh my god! Father! You killed him?” Miss Saffron said, just now realizing. Signor Emerald shook his head sadly.

Father Mango was handcuffed now, and Logico had no idea what to do with him. He awkwardly passed him to Signor Emerald and nodded politely. 

“I assume my work here is done. You can just… pay me online,” Logico finished, standing next to the body awkwardly. “I have to… go home- and not kill anyone,” Logco said, exiting the conversation the weirdest way possible. Miss Saffron nodded.

“Well, thank you for helping, Detective. I hope I’ll see you soon~” Miss Saffron said. Logico did not understand that she was flirting with him- again- and proceeded to walk off.

Logico entered his apartment for the second time that week. He was used to sleeping at the office, and his key felt unnatural in the lock. Opening the door, he stepped inside. Perhaps he’d finally get some sleep tonight- and in the morning- yes, in the morning- he could do something for himself. Perhaps he could visit a museum. 

With that comforting thought in his mind, Logico fell into his bed and was asleep within the minute.

Chapter Text

Logico was falling asleep at his desk. It had been a rough day- first, a murder case with no leads at all. Then, an arson case with no leads at all. Logico was seeing a pattern here. Luckily, he only had 10 more minutes until clock-out. Perhaps he could get some rest after that.
The phone rang. Logico looked at it. Maybe if he ignored it, the sound would go away. It didn’t. Logico picked up the phone.
“Detective Logico here.”
“Logico, you sound positively dreadful!” the voice on the other line rang out. “Goodness, I leave you for two days and you don’t take care of yourself? This will not do.”
Logico rubbed his temple. “Good evening to you too, Dame Obsidian.” The voice on the other line, who was Dame Obsidian, chuckled.
“Oh, I knew you would guess it was me, Logico!” she continued. “You’re ever-so smart when it comes to deductions.”
Logico was getting tired of this. “Was there something you wanted, Dame?” Logico asked.
“Oh, yes, Logico. I’ve just finished my new book, and I need to write another one. I saw that you wanted to go to a museum lately, so how about you go with me to get inspiration?”
There were many things that Logico was confused about. He decided to ask. “How did you know I wanted to go to a museum?” He asked.
“Silly! You made a post on Tumblr about it,” Dame Obsidian said. Logico gulped.
“How do you know I have a Tumblr? Why did you look at it?” Logico said, panicking. No one was supposed to find his social media accounts- especially not his Tumblr. He really only posted thoughts about his life and terrible fanfiction on there.
“Logico, you’re not the best at hiding your social media. Anywho, I’ve got two tickets to a modern art museum, and you’re coming with me.”
Logico rubbed his forehead. When he said he wanted to go to a museum, he meant an actual museum- with statues and pictures that made sense.
“I’m taking your silence as a yes. I’ll send you the address- see you there! Ta Ta!” Dame Obsidian said, and the line went dead.
Logico had never wanted to miss an event so much in his life. However, it was Dame Obsidian, and he couldn’t exactly say no to her. The one time he did, she made a character based on him in her book and killed him off. He was not going to become one again.

Dame Obsidian had neglected to mention that she was bringing her girlfriend. Logico was not aware of this, so when he got there, he found Dame Obsidian cuddling on a park bench with a woman who looked exactly like an anime villain. Logico waved at them, and Dame Obsidian rushed over.
“Logico! It’s so good to see you, darling!” she said, air kissing his cheek. Logico smiled politely.
“Oh, goodness! I’ve forgotten the introductions. Where are my manners?” Dame Obsidian waved the woman over. “This is my girlfriend, Celene.”
Logico shook her hand. He felt as if his arm was about to be ripped off, which was not a comforting thought.
“Good afternoon, Detective Logico. A pleasure to see you again.” Celene said. Logico had never seen this woman in his life.
“Yes, well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Cel-” Logico started. “I don’t like you enough for you to call me that. It’s Captain Slate to you,” Celene (Captain Slate?) said.
Logico felt the overwhelming urge to salute. “Yep. Okay. Great. Sounds good,” Logico finished.
Dame Obsidian clapped her hands. “You two seem to be getting along swell, darlings! Now come along- these tickets won’t last all day!”
Logico found out later that these tickets were all-day passes.

As Logico tried to figure out the meaning of a banana taped to a wall, he made small talk with Captain Slate.
“So, Captain, what are you a captain of?” Logico asked. Captain Slate waited a while to answer.
“I’m an astronaut. I was captain of a spaceship for 3 years, exploring the dark side of the moon.” Captain Slate paused. “I was the first woman to do so.” She paused. “Wine?” She said, offering him a glass.
Logico nodded along and grabbed a glass, but he suddenly realized exactly where he had heard of her. Sure, she might have been the first woman to explore the dark side of the moon, but she was also the first woman accused of murdering her co-pilot. Logico had been one of her case's detectives- probably why she remembered him. Suddenly, the wine didn’t seem appetizing anymore.
“Really? That sounds very interesting. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get away from you and go pretend to look at a painting,” Logico said, backing away and setting the glass down. Captain Slate nodded absentmindedly.
As soon as Logico had gotten out of sight, he began looking for a painting that would make him look the smartest. It was not an easy task. All the paintings looked like children drew them. No murder is as baffling as some of these paintings, Logico thought, beginning to walk along the wall, looking for an escape. He found it in the form of a door labeled “Rooftop Garden.” Although Logico hated the outdoors, he needed to look at something other than this art. Something that made sense.
Logico’s hopes were quickly dashed, as the rooftop garden was little more than a few planter pots with nothing in them. Even worse, there was someone out here with him. Worse than that, it was a bishop. You know, from a church.
“Ah. Good afternoon, my child,” the bishop said.
Logico was 26.
“Hello. Sorry, I can leave, if you want. I was just hoping to…” Logico trailed off. He realized he didn’t have a good reason for going in here. “Escaping the modern art outside” wouldn’t fly.
“I got lost-” Logico began.
“We are all lost in the eyes of the lord, child. Lost little lambs hoping to come home,” the bishop said.
Logico had never wanted to leave a conversation more in his life. “Ah. Well. Yes. I should be going now.”
The bishop stood up. Logico suddenly realized- shockingly, this particular bishop was a woman, which made him feel a bit safer.
“My child- truly. It’s fine. I was about to head out myself,” the woman said. Logico nodded politely.
“Thank you… Bishop…?”
“Azure. Bishop Azure. I work at the church just down the street, my child. Feel free to stop in any time. You are always welcome in the Lord’s house,” Bishop Azure finished, walking over to a small potting table near the corner and picking something up.
“What’s that?” Logico asked. Bishop Azure smiled.
“A statue, my dear child. My friend made it for me, and I was stopping in to pick it up,” she said, holding out the statue for Logico to look at.
No matter how hard Logico looked, he had no idea what this statue was. In all his years of detective work, he had solved hundreds of cases- murder, arson, abuse, everything. Nothing- no amount of work compared to the work he had to do in his brain to figure this out. After a solid 3 seconds, Logico gave up.
“It’s lovely, Ma’am. Your friend must have worked hard on it,” Logico exclaimed. Bishop Azure chuckled.
“To be completely honest, I’ve no clue what it is- but the Lord knows.”
Logico thought this was the dumbest logic he’d ever heard, but he smiled as if he understood.
“Well, I’ll be going now. Goodbye… What’s your name, my child?” She asked, turning around to look at him.
“Uh, Logico. Detective Logico,” he said, adjusting his jacket. Bishop Azure tilted her head.
“A detective? How interesting! May the Lord bless you, Logico,” she said as she walked down the stairs, statue in hand. Logico waited for a second, then followed her.

As Logico went down the stairs, he remarked on how incredibly awkward that conversation was. He hoped never to do that again. He probably would. He was so busy thinking about that, he didn’t see the man walking right in front of him, who he promptly tripped into. The man stumbled backward, spilling coffee all over himself.
“JESUS!” The man yelled. Logico started panicking. “WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING!”
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry- I couldn’t see you around the corner- here, let me help you clean up,” Logico apologized, looking around for some paper towels.
“You’ll be hearing from my attorney!” The man retorted. A smirk came over his face. “Actually, you’ll be hearing from me- because I’m an attorney!”

Logico did not care at all.
“God. People these days. I’m going to go clean up…” the man muttered as he walked off. Logico had felt guilty before, but now that he knew the man was an attorney, he felt better. He felt so much better, that he decided to try to wrap his head around some of the paintings.
Logico had made a terrible mistake. Even though he thought he would understand, he had no idea what some of these paintings were.
That’s where Logico was, examining the paintings, when he heard a scream. Logico wheeled around, as anyone would do if they heard a scream. He was about to go looking for the source when Dame Obsidian came running from behind the corner.
“Logico! Logico, come quickly! I think someone’s been murdered!” She yelled. Logico jumped up from where he was sitting and sprinted over to Dame Obsidian, who began to walk. (Presumably, towards the murder.) Logico followed.
“Me and Celene were near the entry hall when we heard a scream and a thump- we looked around the corner, and a man was lying there, dead!”
Logico sped up, wheeling the corner to a crowd of people surrounding a body on the ground. When they saw Logico coming, a few looked surprised to see him- but once they realized he looked like he knew more than they did, almost all of them moved away. All except for two- both of whom Logico had seen before.
“The Lord blesses us on this day, gifting us a savior in this time of need!” exclaimed one- the bishop whom Logico had talked to on the roof.
“Good afternoon, Bishop Azure. It’s a pleasure to see you again, though I wish we had met in… better circumstances,” Logico said, gesturing to the body on the floor. Bishop Azure chuckled.
“There’s no use praying for his soul,” she said. “He wasn’t a man of high virtues- no god will accept him.”
“What do you mean?” Logico asked. “Did you know him?”
Bishop Azure nodded. “I knew him, yes. He was an lawyer here- he’d stolen money from the church to fund his “buisness.”
Logico wrote this down. As he did, another voice chimed in from behind him.
“Ugh- listen, I don’t have time for this. My time is valuable, unlike yours. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be going,” the voice complained.
Logico recognized that tone. Turning to face the sound, his suspicions were confirmed. “Sir, as much as I appreciate you being honest, you can’t leave here- not when you’re a suspect.”
The man, whose shirt was still covered in coffee, glared at Logico. “Do you know who I am, Detective?”
Logico had no idea who he was.
“My name is Blackstone, Esq. I’m an attorney in the area, and I certainly didn’t kill anyone! I don’t know why he’s dead, and I would like to leave, please, and thank you.”
Logico sighed and rubbed his temples. “Please just stay here, sir,” Logico said, looking up at him. “Also,” he continued, “what is that in your arms?”
Blackstone rolled his eyes and clutched the large vase he was holding closer. “It’s a vase. I was bringing it home from the art studio here. That’s where I was when I heard the poor guy scream.”
Logico made a note of this on his notepad and turned the corner to look at the body. He was expecting blood- maybe some stab wounds- but the body looked remarkably- well- fine. Nothing was out of order around it, and it looked like the man had just collapsed. Logico was about to check for signs of a heart attack when he noticed a few drops of liquid leading away from the man.
“Huh,” Logico muttered, putting his finger in the liquid and tasting it. Even though this was incredibly unhygienic, Logico got some information out of it- the liquid was wine.
Logico began following the drops of wine, which led him to a half-empty glass knocked on its side. Logico picked it up and held it to the light.
At that moment, Dame Obsidian came racing around the corner, her dress billowing behind her.
“Goodness, Logico! I almost lost you for a second,” she exclaimed, adjusting her hair. “It’s dreadful out there- I can’t stand near anyone that calls themselves a bishop.”
Dame Obsidian examined the glass in his hand. “Logico, you snuck off to drink without me? How could you?”
Logico chuckled. “This isn’t mine, Obsidian. It was found next to the body. Do you recognize this wine?”
Obsidian grabbed the glass from his hand and stuck her nose in it. She gasped. “Logico, have you smelled this?” She asked, shoving the glass back into his hand.
Logico proceeded to smell it. He didn’t smell anything unusual- just regular wine. “No…?” Logico questioned, beginning to raise it to his mouth to taste it.
“DON’T!” Dame Obsidian yelled, knocking the glass from his mouth. It fell to the floor, remarkably staying intact.
“What was that, Obsidian?” Logico asked angrily. “That could have broken- we could have used it as evidence!”
Dame Obsidian adjusted her necklace. “Well, Logico, if you had an ounce of sense, you would have smelled what I smelled,” she said, leaning in closer. “Almonds.”
Logico stared at her blankly. “I’m not allergic- if that’s what you’re talking about.”
Dame Obsidian sighed and draped herself against the wall. “Honestly, Logico- how can I get anything done around here? Do you know what it means if you smell almonds in a drink?” she asked.
“Uh… the drink is almond-flavored?”
“No, Logico. Darling, I can’t understand how you’re a detective and don’t know this. It means it’s poisoned,” Dame Obsidian announced.
Logico gasped. “Poisoned?”
“Yes, darling. Do try to keep up. Poisoned with cyanide, usually,” she said dramatically.
“Cyanide? How- Why- wait. How do you know what cyanide smells like?” Logico asked, whipping out his notebook.
“Logico. You do realize I’m a writer, right?” Dame Obsidian asked. “I know about a lot of poisons- hell, if you saw my browser history, you’d probably think I was trying to kill someone!”
Logico was still confused. “So you didn’t kill him?”
Dame Obsidian huffed. “No, Logico. I didn’t kill him- he’s too uninteresting. I mean, if I was going to kill someone, it would be a president or someone like that,” she stated. Logico looked at it, but decided not to press it.
“Well, I’m going to go show everyone this- maybe they’ve seen it before,” she announced, grabbing the cup from his hands and walking out of the room.
Logico was about to follow her when he noticed something on the wall, waving from the slight breeze blowing from the open entryway doors. Logico grabbed it. It was a piece of computer paper, with the simple note,
“Logico! Our mediums say an abstract statue was next to a pigeon.”
Once again, Logico had no idea what that meant. It was the third note he had found like this, and he began to wonder- was someone sending him these? He made a mental note of that, and then gasped. He tucked the note into his pocket, picked up his phone, and made a call.

When Logico arrived back at the group, he found Blackstone pacing around the body aggressively, smoking a cigar that he somehow had. When he saw Logico approaching, he ran over to him and began talking.
“Alright, lookie here, detective. The way I see it- since the Dame over there showed us that cyanide glass, is that the bishop killed her. I mean, she’s a bishop, right? She’s going to have to be hiding some dark secret. Maybe she killed him. Maybe she’s secretly a twitter user!” He gasped. “Maybe she’s a homosexual!”
Logico looked at him and blinked a few times. He decided not to address what Blackstone had just said, and instead gestured for the group to come to him.
“Thank you guys for being so willing to help with this mystery. Now, I have reason to believe that this… was a murder,” He paused. “Dame Obsidian already showed you the poisoned wine.”
As he said this, Dame Obsidian held up the bottle again, like a beauty influencer holding up an overpriced foundation.
“Thank you, Dame Obsidian. However, I have reason to believe that one of you killed him.”
The three suspects looked at each other, fear in their eyes. A murderer among them? Who? And why would they kill this innocent man?
Logico walked over to the body and rolled it over, exposing the man’s pocket, where a wallet was sticking out.
“This man was a lawyer. In fact, he was a very prominent lawyer on a very prominent case.” Logico whirled around. “Your case, Captain Slate.”
Captain Slate began slowly backing away. Logico stalked towards her. “He accused you of murdering your co-pilot. And you didn’t like that, so when they found you innocent, you of course went out and committed another crime- killing him. You knew he was going to be here, so you poisoned his wine when he wasn't looking, then rejoined your girlfriend at the perfect time to seem innocent,” Logico exclaimed. Suddenly, his face went white. “That was why you invited me, isn’t it? I was one of the detectives on your case. You were going to kill me, just like you killed him.” He blinked. “You gave me wine, but I declined it. That was poisoned too, wasn’t it?”
Captain Slate’s eyes narrowed. Before she could say anything, Dame Obsidian piped in.
“Darling, is this true?” She asked, looking at her desperately. Logico suddenly realized another thing.
“You only got with Obsidian because she could get you closer to me, didn’t you? You knew she knew me. That’s the only reason you began dating her.”
Dame Obsidian looked desperately at Captain Slate. “What? Is he telling the truth?” she said, grabbing Slate’s arm. Captain Slate looked down at her.
“I’ve never loved anyone. I’m not starting today,” she said. Dame Obsidian shrunk back. “Yes, Logico. You’re correct. Shockingly. I did kill him, and I was close to killing you too. Unfortunately, you didn’t accept the wine. Are you happy, Logico?”
Logico nodded. “Thank you for your confession, Captain Slate. Now the police that I’ve called won’t be in vain.”
Captain Slate’s face turned white, as the entry hall door flew open, and police officers came streaming in. As they took her away in handcuffs, Logico heard her mutter,
“I should have stayed in space.”
The remaining three watched her get taken out. Dame Obsidian sighed and took out a small notebook, making a tally mark in it.
“What’s that?” Logico asked.
“It’s my “notebook of lovers who killed someone,”” she said. Logico peeked in. There were a concerning amount of tally marks in there.
Blackstone ran his fingers through his hair. “God, what a day. I’m going to go sin,” he said. “Sorry, Bishop.”
Bishop Azure looked a bit stunned. “Yes, well. You do that, my child. I’ll see you at church on sunday, of course.”
Blackstone laughed. “Ahhhhh. No,” he said, and proceeded to walk away. Bishop Azure turned to face Logico.
“Thank you, my child. I need to go pray, but I hope to see you again in better circumstances.”
With that, it was only Logico and Dame Obsidian. “Now, I know you don’t want to do anything after this, Logico. Neither do I- I’m going to go home and eat ice cream and cry delicately. Toodles!”
With that, Dame Obsidian left, and Logico decided to go ponder some more paintings. Perhaps he’d finally understand them this time.