Chapter Text
Chapter 1: Epiphany
Loki was taken from Joutunheim when he was 4 years old. He remembers cold blistering day, a large Aesir and warriors standing around him and his fallen father. When Loki gets to Asgard, he feels like he doesn't belong. He stood face to face with Thor, older, about 8 years old as Odin introduced them. "Thor, this is Loki, You are blood brothers now. Treat him as such"
After four years on Asgard, Loki has all but has settled in. Forgotten his time on Joutunheim as only distant memories remain. Loki goes to the balcony to read as he sees Thor and his friends below, laughing and playing "slay the Frost Giant" in a courtyard below. Thor has always had many friends, or fans one could say. The ones he seemed most friendly with was the "warrior three", a group of young adventures just out of warriors training/ schooling and just starting to make a name for themselves. There was Volstag the Boisterous, Hogun the Gentle, and Fandral the Plain. Volstag, a young man, about 23. tall and fit. Then there is Fandral, about 18 clearly full of himself as he brags about he slew 10 frost giants before he was through a year of training. Sif the only girl in warriors school. She was Thors age. She clung to him like glue, her eyes like magnets. Loki scowls at them. He tells himself he hates them, but it is jealously that stings him. No one hangs around him or seems to want to be his friend. He retreats back to his dark room.
There is a knock on his door when he turns to the door from his chair by the open window, his mother walks in, "Loki?" She does not wait for an answer.
"Loki, the seamstress requires you to try on your new formal threads, we can not have you wearing old cloths to an important feast as tonight." Frigga says as she goes to sit near Loki.
"What is so special about tonight anyways?"
"Your father has worked on relations in Niðavellir for some time now. This is a banquet to show how strong and proud we are, how we deserve their trust and we theirs." She takes his hand to walk off to the seamstress for the new royal attire for tonight.
Firgga takes his hand as they leave the room. Loki loved Frigga. Even if Odin didn't treat him the same as Thor, at least he had her. He smiles to himself.
Frigga looked down at the young boy beside her, holding her hand, a young black haired boy around 8 years old. He walked, smiling as he walked next to her down the halls of the palace.
There was going to be a large Asgardian party. They were always extravagant and went on for days! The boys could attend, though only for a short while. As the party goes on into the night it becomes inappropriate for younglings. The Asgardians show off in everyway they can. The parties are extravagant with music, food, girls, opium, and many other worldly pleasures.
Frigga was to see the seamstress for the new dress options they have tailored for her. They make their way through the halls as they pass royal court member's and guard in the halls. They get to the seamstress. "Your majesty!" A middle aged Asgardian woman came around the corner "we were expecting you, we have your dresses ready, and we have Prince Lokis armored suit as well"
Loki hides behind Frigga as they walk in. Not shy, just hiding.....perhaps shy. Loki lets go of her hand and grabs his mothers dress. as the adults talk, Loki tunes them out, he gazes around the large golden palace room full of colorful fabrics and threads. Loki catches the sight of a large emerald green gown with gold adornments, eyes wide and shinning. He was in awe of this beautiful gown in front of him. A small dress for a young girl, about his age. He walks towards the gown on the stand.
It's perfect.... It was just so beautiful. He wanted to wear it.
"Loki" Frigga called "Come here so the royal seamstress can see if we need to make any adjustments to your suit tonight."
Suit? Like Brother and Fathers'? He looks back at the gown, eyes light up, "but, can't I wear this?" Loki grabs the bottom of the dress, which is as high as he can reach. Staring daggers at the flowing dress.
Silence fell, then whispers. Frigga shots the women in the room a look as they fell silent. Loki turned around only to see heads turn away as Frigga stared at him. Why did she look so shocked? Why were they whispering? Frigga replied looking to him "Well, Loki, you must wear what is appropriate for you." She smiled. She grabs his hand as they walk to the women preparing his armor.
"Why can't that be the dress, its so much prettier than 'mans armor'" Loki said mockingly while he points toward the green dress.
One of the younger women giggle and Frigga shoots them a death glare and smiles back at Loki. "Loki, this is what you will wear. You will look handsome." Soft giggles in the back room can be heard.
Loki looks down feeling defeated and humiliated. Whispers were all about the room and Frigga could see it troubled Loki.
Loki sat alone in his room once again.
The guards knocked on Lokis' door as he sat alone in his room " The party has begun, The All-Father is expecting you now".
"I understand" the young Loki replied. Setting his book down.
Loki stood in front of the mirror, wearing his mans armor.....it wasn't as bad as he thought. He looked good. He felt proud. He smiles at himself. He looks VERY good. mmm. I do say dashing. The most dashing young man in court.
Loki attends the banquet with his family. Presenting as a happy family to those in court and honored guests. The children are soon escorted back to their bedchambers before the part starts to get out of hand.
Loki couldn't take his mind of the green gown. It was on his mind all day. He lies in bed, imagining himself wearing the dress and blushed. He sits up.
Loki silently raised from bed. He puts on a robe over his green night gown. Most men sleep naked, women wear gowns to bed, but Loki found it to be more comfortable than the suit of birthdays. He asked his mother for nightwear but was supplied with the oversized shirt, which acts as a gown. Besides, he enjoyed calling it a gown. Loki peaked out his room to see if the guards were there. They were. And asleep. They don't care it seems, about safety of my well being! How crude.
As Loki walks down the halls in his robe. He felt giddy at the thought of wearing dresses. He smiled to himself. Loki made it to the seamstress work area, no one there. He walked in and the green dress was still there. it was beautiful, eyes glowing, he walked up to the dress. He reached out to it.
So soft. SO soft. Loki takes the dress of the stand and back to his room, the guard still slumber.
Later on, at breakfast in the dinning hall, Loki was next to Thor. Thor regaling his older friends about stories his father, bragging about the youthful adventures, and how he would one day be better than even Odin. "..And as Laufey lay defeated! Odin, The All-Father SMITES the frost giant, leaving him to bleed before his people..."
How drol, Loki sighs, thinking about wearing the dress again as Thor is far to loud. Hopefully before anyon- Loki eyes widen as he sees the seamstress has taken his Mother aside to talk and that was the moment they both looked at him. Ooooh. damn.
The moment he sees them looked away from him, he ducks under the table. "What are you doing brother?" Thor asks as Sif giggles. What is SHE laughing at, quim. He shoots her daggers as he crawls along the table out of view of mother and off he ran.
Thor and his friends watch. Most royal court members do not notice as it is not unusual for the youngest Prince to dash over after pecking at his food, if at all.
Fandral comments "your brother is weird."
"SPEAK NOT ILL of my brother, friend." He started out yelling only to lower his voice as those around started to look at him. Frigga came over to where Thor and his friends sat. "Have you seen your brother? He was just here. where has he gone off too?"
"ugh, I know not. sorry mother."
Sif points down the corridor "He went down that way."
"Thank you Sif." Frigga walks off with the old seamstress.
Sif turns to her friends "ooooooooo, Loki's in trouble again." They laugh.
Frigga marched off down the corridor out of the dining hall, Thor watches. Noting the angry look on her face. Ignoring his friends.
Loki was running as fast as he could to his room. Guards not there, of course he wasn't. He enters his room in a huff, exhausted from running. The laziest, worst guard is HIS bedchambers guard. He ran to his bed and grabbed the green gown he hid underneath it. He stood for a moment, contemplating what to do with it. He was about to run out to put it back when the door suddenly opens. Its his mother and she doesn't look happy.
Loki quickly hides the fabric behind him.
"Lokiiii, I know what you have there, and what you've done, now give me the dress" She says sternly.
Loki looks down with guilt. "-not fair"
"what's that? speak up" She prompts him
"I SAAAAID, I want to wear the dress! ITS NOT FAIR!"
Frigga bent down to eye level with young Loki "Loki, why do you want to wear a dress, you are a boy, you are my son"
Loki's eyes began to fill with tears "I just want tooo. its really pretty" He starts to sob and Frigga reaches out as he goes to hug her. He is sobbing something incoherent and incomprehensible. She rubs his back as he cries and comforts him. Unsure of what to do or what to say. It's just not normal....
Loki hands the dress back only for Frigga to smile and say " keep it" Loki eyes wide in shock. The biggest smile creeps across Lokis' face as he thinks about wearing the dress. He twrils excitedly as Figga leaves, the smile falling to a deep frown when she leaves. The old seamstress looks at her "well?"
"Oh, yes well. He didn't have it. I will pay for the dress and a new one for whomever it was for."
"Of course your majesty." The old seamstress bows as she heads back off to whatever she does. Who else could have it though....... She wonders off, suspicious.
Loki puts on the dress when his mother leaves. Excited she gave him permission to keep the thing he stole that was meant for someone else..... royalty. He felt giddy.
Loki brushed his hair while looking in the mirror, he felt like a girl and he felt good. He liked it. It was dress up! Just pretend! That's what kids do!
Loki liked to twirl in the dress. He liked the way it felt when it flowed around him. He grabbed a book to read, ones of magic intrigued him the most. Power, power that didn't need to shed blood or gain muscles, but power with words.
But magik is a woman's practice..... Oh. Loki sat in his chair with his book glancing at the mirror. A book of seiðr, a dress. Looking gloom his thoughts start to race.
But its not bad that I...how could it be wrong...theres no harm...does it mean?....I dont...no one else is.... He can not think of one man in the kingdom who is not a strong warrior with muscles and height, and beards. Not one of them knows magik. All trained in the way of the sword. No men learn magik. No men wear gowns....That....that is why they were laughing. The relization is worn as a solemn emptiness across his face.
Thor watched as Frigga went after Loki, as his friends laughed. Thor couldn't help but worry about his little brother.
"Excuse me friends, I-..have to go."
"He is checking on Loki." Fandral quickly proclaimed. His friends laugh.
"He is fine, HE left, now sit back down and eat with me." Sif proclaimed. Her crush obvious.
Thor frowns and looks at the corridor, torn between the taunting of his friends and worry of his brother. He sits back down, "Im sure he will be fine." He convinces himself.
After a short while, Frigga comes back into the dinning hall. Odin siting at the head of the feast, his large stature leering over the table, is beckoned by Frigga. Thor tries to listen as his parents whispers, glances from various royal court members go unnoticed by all. Thor is sure he heard Lokis name, his father sigh and a few grunts. Thor gets up to join his parents. "Is all okay father?"
"Yes, go back to your friends." He demanded as he and Frigga stormed off. His mother having a concerned looked on her face worried him. He shoves the feeling of fear down and goes back to sit with his friends. Sifs eyes on him the whole time. If father is already mad at him there is nothing I can do. I might as well just...
"HERE" Volstag bellows as he roughly lays down a tall stacked assembly of meats and cheeses in front of young Thor. "try this! It is possible, I have put together the most perfect combination of fine cheese and meats!"
Taking his mind off his troubles, Thor indulges in the plethora of food before him. Soon laughing with his friends again, forgetting why he worried. Surely everything will be fine.
Loki look in the mirror at his dressing area. His room dark and gloom, a couple candles lit did less than the light outside that he hid from his room. He turns in the dress looking it over. He couldn't get use it. Didn't have to. It felt nice. It felt good, like it was right. There is nothing wrong with it.......I wonder if I can... Lokis hair starts to grow and his features soften to a more feminine appearance. He widens his eyes and smiles. Pleased by the new look of womanhood, he giggles to himself and then the smile drops as he wonders.... He stares at himself nervously as he hikes up the layers of dress and looks at his lack of manhood. He reaches down to touch it when the doors to his room starts to open and he quickly drop the ends of the gown and back away from the mirror, quickly glances at places to hid but before another second past, his father storms in with a worried Frigga behind him.
"LOKI" he spots Loki backing into the corner of his room. The guards shut the door behind him as Odin moves toward Loki, Frigga grabbing his arm to hold him back though does nothing. "you STOLE a DRESS? a DRESS?"
"I-"
"NO EXCUSES! what would you have done if this had gotten out. If the Prince of Asgard is caught stealing dresses!" He grabs Lokis arm roughly pulling him out of the corner "AND FEIGNING WOMANHOOD IN THE PRIVACY OF HIS CHAMBERS!"
"Odin!!" Frigga tried to calm him worriedly.
Tears well up in Lokis eyes. Feeling vulnerable and exposed. He looks at his mother and feels betrayal. Why did he have to know....? Loki look up at his father holding back tears. His voice higher pitched and feminine, "I did NO harm-"
"THE HARM DONE! LOKI! IS THE VULNERABLITY AND SHAME YOU BRING THIS HOUSE WITH YOUR ARGR BEHAVIOR!"
Tears finally start to fall down his reddening cheeks as Odin tightens the grasp on Lokis arms and continues " AND ID SEE IT CORRECTED BEFORE MORE RUMORS SPREAD!"
"ODIN" Frigga yells behind him as he lets go of his youngest son. Frigga calmly "He is ONLY 8, ONLY CHLDS PLAY PLEASE!"
He grunts loudly as he stomps off, leaving Frigga to comfort Loki. She kneels beside him where he weeps. Placing a hand on his back to comfort him silently. Not knowing what to say to her youngest and the unusual circumstance they find themselves in.