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Chapter Text

    It happened again. That was the third time this week, & it was only Thursday. Mikhail plopped himself down on one of the couches in the common room. He might've done it a bit too forcefully, a bit too harshly, because Dell & Jacques noticed, turning away from their game of poker & in turn making Mick look at him too.

    "Well, now," The team's engineer said, "What's got you so huffy, big guy?"

    "Is about doktor."

    Jacques took a long drag of his cigarette, letting the smoke slowly curl out of his mouth, "And when is it not about that lovable maniac of ours?"

    "You joke, but I don't laugh."

    "I mean no insult, mon ami," He took another drag, "It just seems that, lately, the docteur is causing you much grief." Mikhail hated that Jacques was right. He was a spy, of course he was right, but this was one thing he didn't want the Frenchman to be right about.

    "Doktor reject me."

    "He broke up with ya?!" The cards fell out of Mick's grip, the sniper's mouth falling open in shock. Dell smacked him on the arm, getting up to walk over to Mikhail.

    "Nyet," He cut them both off before Dell could say anything, "Doktor & I are in love. But doktor reject me every night. Want to share pleasure, but doktor say no, say he is tired, say he is busy." It was still early morning, & he assumed Dell, Jacques, & Mick had stayed up late last night playing cards. He had woken up with the sun that day, his arms wrapped around a god in human skin. He could remember the way he watched eyes, blue like the icy planes of Antarctica, slowly open & glance at him with no small amount of adoration. Black hair shot through with silver shone in the light of the waking sun, & Mikhail reveled in the way Ludwig's pale skin warmed up when he caressed his cheek. He had looked so beautiful, so radiant, Mikhail couldn't help himself when he dove a hand under Ludwig's shirt, digging his fingers into his soft, hairy tummy.

    That was when the scene changed, when Ludwig grabbed his wrist & pulled himself away from Mikhail. He had a pained expression on his face that Mikhail couldn't quite decipher, his arms hugging himself around the middle. 

    "Not today, lieber." And that had been it.

    "Doc doesn't wanna fuck you?" Mick peeked at him over his aviators, & Jacques suddenly forgot about his cigarette.

    "He reject me. Do not understand why." Dell sidled himself up next to him, patting him on the arm.

    "Maybe he just... Doesn't like it?" Mikhail looked down at Dell, who was smiling at him in an unsure way that seemed to be an attempt at being encouraging. It didn't work.

    "We talk about it. Doktor is fine with it. Doktor starts it sometime, but then stops & leaves. Don't understand it." Mikhail thought of the day before, Ludwig's shapely behind pressing against his front as Mikhail bent them both over the desk in the infirmary. He was grinding himself against the cleft of Ludwig's ass, peppering kisses over the pale, cold expanse of his neck, nuzzling his nose into the soft hair at the base of his doktor's head. He slid a finger beneath the hem of Ludwig's jodhpurs, pulling on the elastic before letting it snap back against the doktor's hip.

    "Kuschelbär..." Ludwig moaned out, arching his back even more. He was grinding himself against the bulge in Mikhail's trousers, seemingly content to spend the whole night on only frottage. Mikhail might have let him, god alone knew how desperate he was by that point, but he was hoping that his doktor's mood was good enough to finally let him make the next move. After all, it was going well, it was going amazing. Ludwig was like putty in his hands, his voice rising an octave & multiple decibels. Mikhail's hands made their way to the buttons of Ludwig's shirt, & that was the end of it. The doctor stopped his hands, mumbled out an excuse, & then left the room.

    "'e could just be shy," Jacques put out his cigarette & pulled out another one from his case, pointedly ignoring Mick stealing one for himself, "None of us 'ave ever seen him undressed, 'ave we? 'e doesn't even shower at the same time as us. 'e pointedly waits for the rest of us to finish showering after a battle, before doing anything in there 'imself."

    Mikhail scratched the side of his head, "But Soldier, Pyro, & Scout do that too."

    "Py's a lady, she don't have to shower with a bunch'a men if she doesn't want to." Dell had a point.

    "Soldier is... A soldier. 'e takes those 3-minute showers of 'is, & should not be counted." Mikhail nodded, of course Jacques was correct again.

    Mick was shuffling the cards again, although Mikhail doubted they would be playing anytime soon, "Jeremy don't count, he's been joinin' us lately."

    Mikhail grumbled, "So, doktor is shy? My doktor? Ludwig? He is shy?"

    Dell patted his arm again, "A fella can be shy 'bout his body without bein' shy all'round." Mikhail didn't want to believe it, simply because imagining Ludwig, loud, boisterous, energetic Ludwig, being shy about anything felt wrong. His Ludwig, who laughed at people who called him insane, who talked about his experiments over dinner, being shy? A man who felt no shame & found the human body so interesting & fascinating that he rarely even realised he was grossing people out? The man who was like a god amongst men, falling prey to such a human emotion as shame? Could his Ludwig really feel shy over his own body, when he made Mikhail feel so good in his?

    Jacques puffed out a breath of smoke in his direction, smiling rather pleasantly at Mikhail as he did so, "We could 'elp you with your dilemma, mon ami. The Engineer is particularly close with the docteur, & the bushman & I know how to, shall we say, keep quiet." Mick choked on his next breath of smoke, his glare piercing through his glasses & right into the back of Jacques' head.

    "Hold on, there. I ain't gonna spy on the doc! 1. I treasure mah life. And mah balls. 2. That's downright creepy, spook! I'd rather do like Engie & just ask him what's up." Dell didn't seem any more happy about this plan than Mick did. Mikhail, meanwhile, wasn't sure what to feel about this. On the one hand, he really wanted to know what was going on with his doktor. On the other hand, he didn't want to destroy Ludwig's trust in him, the medic giving it out to so few people already. Outside of Mikhail himself, Dell, & maybe the youngsters Jeremy & Pyro, Ludwig really didn't trust other people. Even the rest of the team didn't know a lot about him, & all of them knew basically nothing about his life before America. Mikhail didn't want to jeopardise that frail trust even more.

    Jacques had turned around in his seat, glaring back at Mick, "And what makes you think 'e will tell you, of all people, why 'e does what 'e does? Medic lives off the principle of 'if I am still alive, I can work', 'e will never admit to any weakness, especially not one of this sort." And there Mikhail was again, agreeing with Jacques despite how much he didn't want to. Mick wasn't part of Ludwig's very small circle of trusted people, not yet at least, & that had caused problems in the past. Problems Mikhail didn't want a repeat of anytime soon.

    Dell shifted, his hand still resting on Mikhail's bicep, "Right. Doc's Mr 'I'm the most important person in this room. What? No, ya can't look at the bullet hole in my leg'."

    "For a guy who loves attention, he sure does hate attention." Mick grumbled to himself, although doing a poor job at not letting the other men in the room hear him. Mikhail sighed.

    "Also, if doktor does not tell me what's wrong, he will not tell you." Because Mikhail was above even Dell when it came to who Ludwig trusted. Mikhail knew the story behind the small scar on Ludwig's right pinky finger, & he knew why the doktor preferred herbal tea to coffee in the mornings, & knew of Ludwig's worries about his hair going fully grey & his turmoil over whether he should start dying it or not. Mikhail knew about so many little aspects of the doktor's character that no one else was privy too, but he also was trusted with other things. Mikhail had been there when Ludwig was healing from implanting the Uberheart into himself, he had been there when the BLUs tried to crash a train into their base, & he had been there to treat the cuts & bruises on Ludwig's neck from where the BLU Spy had hurt him. He had been there every time the voices weren't letting Ludwig sleep, & when they were telling him cruel things about himself & his friends. He had been there to hold a sobbing Ludwig when he found out one of Jane's raccoons had destroyed the dove eggs he was hatching, murmuring calming little sentences into the crown of Ludwig's head. The doktor trusted Mikhail to see him at his most vulnerable, at his most weak, & although he doubted he would ever know all of Ludwig's secrets, he at least thought the doktor trusted him enough to tell him why he was so shy all of a sudden.

    "Which leaves my idea. Or we could leave our friend 'ere to 'is wallowing, & 'ope for this to clear itself up." Mikhail wasn't very violent off the battlefield, but in that moment he really wanted to punch Jacques in the face. Preferably while breaking a few of his perfect, little teeth.

    Dell sighed from beside him, "But knowin' Lu, that ain't gonna happen. He's just too darn stubborn for his own good." 

    "Good thing we are stubborn too." Jacques concurred. Mikhail fidgeted in his spot, looking between Dell & Jacques. 

    "Bloody hell, fine. Let's have a go at this." Mick took off his aviators, rubbing at his eyes as Mikhail looked at him. If even their sniper, of all people, was agreeing to this crazy scheme, then the situation must be more dire than Mikhail realised.

    "But we do not tell anyone else," Mikhail said, just as the other three men in the room were getting up to leave, "This stays between us." He was met with a chorus of agreement, before they all shuffled out of the room & most likely to their respective bedrooms. That just left Mikhail & his thoughts. And the damn cards, still laid out on the table like they were about to be played.

    "Well done, Sniper." He chuckled to himself upon seeing the cards, leaving the gathered deck on the table for later. For now, he better get some breakfast & track down the love of his life. The doktor needed to eat too, after all.

~~==~~==~~==~~==

    Mikhail didn't know how long he expected this to take. It wasn't as if he was keeping score of the days, he was a very patient man all things considered. No, it wasn't the waiting that got on his nerves, but the constant teasing. The hope for something more, the sly touches & glances that were ripped away from him just as fast as they had arrived. Mikhail didn't count how many days it had taken Jacques, Dell, & Mick to get back to him about their scheme. He counted how many times Ludwig had left him cold & wanting, dealing with an awkward erection that he often had to waddle across half of the base to get rid of.

    If you were curious, he had been denied 11 times, over the course of a week & a half which averages out to one rejection per day. Maybe it was partially his fault, because he had gotten so insistent with his advances. What used to be a once in a month occurrence turned to once in two weeks, then once in a week, until it settled on this. Mikhail had been with other people before, & he was easy to sate. When he wasn't with anyone, he was perfectly happy to make use of his hand & fingers, he wasn't picky. Men like him weren't picky.

    Men like Ludwig, however, apparently could be picky. And they were very picky. Except that most men, even the most picky ones, would eventually settle on something. Ludwig just kept on denying him, never settling on any situation in which he would finally go to bed with his partner. Not on the battlefield, not in the infirmary, not in the bedroom. Mikhail had tried everywhere except for the communal showers, but he never knew when exactly Ludwig showered. He certainly did shower, as the doktor was a very clean person who couldn't stand getting dirty (although Mikhail always found it strange that blood didn't count into that.) Mikhail was very familiar with the smell of Ludwig's body wash, & he loved the feel of the doktor's hair after it was freshly washed. But when he showered, he simply didn't know. He shaved with the rest of them in the mornings, always in a button up shirt & with his glasses on his nose, but he didn't take morning showers like Jane, & he didn't wash up in the evening before dinner like Pyro. He showered at a time when no one was around, when no one could disturb him & walk in on him, & at this point Mikhail believed that there was a second shower somewhere in each of the RED bases, one that only Ludwig knew about. It really got on his nerves sometimes. Especially since it was just another secret his doktor was keeping from him.

    Which led him back to the common room, watching Dell, Jacques, & Mick play poker again. It was early evening, & the moon was just beginning to peek over the horizon on this side of the base. They were waiting for everyone else to get up & go do their own thing, as was common after dinner. Mikhail was busying himself with a book he wasn't actually reading, slowly beginning to get fed up with Jeremy's chatter, & Jane's excitable yelling. The last three members of the team weren't present, which was a small blessing at least. If Ludwig had been here, he would have dragged Mikhail to the infirmary for some testing, as was his habit, but the heavy couldn't wait another day, he needed to find out what the others had learned, & he needed to find that out today.

    "Well, I'm off," Jeremy's voice cut through the annoyed haze in Mikhail's mind, "Gonna go to town tomorrow, y'know, to pick up some hot babes & all, so I gotta go to bed." It went quickly from there, once Jeremy left Jane wasn't far behind. Mikhail set his book aside & joined the last empty seat at the make-shift poker table, not even trying to hide his annoyance.

    "I...I chickened out." Dell burst out the moment Mikhail had taken his seat. He had been doing poorly at the poker game, & he had dropped his cards so that everyone could see the terrible hand he had been dealt. Mick had a little grin on his face, still holding his cards closely to his chest.

    Jacques glared at Dell, & the effect seemed twofold with the spy's mask off that day, "What?"

    "Mah mama taught me that, that stuff ain't just somethin' you talk with your friends about!" Dell was turning redder than his shirt, the flush disappearing under the brim of his hardhat & under the collar of his shirt. Mikhail reached out & gave him a friendly pat on the arm. Mick was still busy with his cards (god knows why, they weren't even betting on anything), & Jacques was quietly fuming, his teeth making a dent in the butt of his cigarette.

    "Of course, your Good Southern Boy upbringing was your downfall. Urgh."

    Dell let out something that almost amounted to a whimper, "I did ask Lu about the big guy, though." Jacques was rubbing the bridge of his nose, & didn't even look up at Dell.

    "And?" Mikhail prompted him.

    "Well, I... I asked 'em how the two of you were doin', just some friendly inquiry, nothin' suspicious. And then Lu, well, the doc ain't exactly the best at hidin' his emotions, & he scrunched up his face as he turned to me & said 'I assure ya that our relationship won't cause problems on the battlefield'. And that was it." Mikhail stared at him for a few seconds, processing it all.

    "So, Medic is aware that something in your relationship is not going well." Mick said the obvious. At least it wasn't Jacques this time, Mick had a much less punchable face, but Mikhail's patience was slowly waning.

    "Not good..."

    Jacques spoke up next, discarding his cigarette as he folded his hands on the table before him, "I, on the other 'and, found something that makes me think the doctor is not being 'onest with you."

    "In what way?"

    "The docteur may 'ave either a lover, or a wife." Mikhail felt something in him crack. He was very aware of his eye twitching, & of his fists clenching onto the table top until the wood began to creak. Deep breaths, Misha, deep breaths.

    Fuck that; "What?!" He felt no remorse when Mick dove under the table, or when Jacques flinched so hard that his elbow knocked over his glass of liquor. Only Dell didn't react, but he was still as red as a tomato, & seemed to be trying to make himself even smaller than he already was. 

    Jacques' hands were hanging in mid air in a placating gesture, & his voice wasn't as strong as usual when he spoke up, "I 'ave found evidence of a... Liesel Humboldt, a woman who there is very little known about, & yet her existence poses some questions," Mikhail took in a deep breath through his nose, nodding at the spy to continue, "The shared surname could point towards a familial relationship, but our Medic 'as always said 'e was an only child, & I didn't find anything to disprove that fact." Mikhail didn't know if he wanted to cry or scream or break something.

    "So, I am side piece?" And not a good one either, apparently, seeing as the object of his affection didn't even want to fuck him.

    "Apparently." Dell said, although not unkindly, even if the admission still hurt. Mikhail took in another deep breath. Ludwig, his Ludwig, has a wife? Some Liesel, whoever she was, knew Ludwig intimately, but he, Mikhail, didn't? Ludwig never made mention of a wife, he didn't wear a ring or any other symbolism that would show that he was already bound to another person. And yet he, Mikhail Ivanovich Nabokov, was second to some girl who...

    "Wait," Mikhail looked up from where he was glaring daggers into the grain of the wooden table, zeroing in on Jacques, "How do we know is not just random woman with same surname? You think I am related to famous Russian author? I wish. Is just same surname, it happens."

    Jacques frowned at him, pulling out another one of his expensive cigarettes, "Because I found out about 'er while snooping in Medic's office. A newspaper, exactly, calling 'er one of the brightest minds at some university back in Germany. Unfortunately, I didn't get the chance to grab it before the docteur came in."

    "Ok, but I don't get sumthin'. Med's not interested in women." Mick had, finally, abandoned his cards, & was resting his elbows on the table, his hat sitting neatly beside his crossed arms. He was sipping from his own glass of liquor, & Mikhail felt tempted to rip it out of his hands & chug the whole thing in two gulps. Dell seemed to realise something was up with him, because he pushed his own glass in his direction. The burn was exquisite & it certainly smelled expensive, but Mikhail didn't even bother paying attention to the taste of it. 

    "Could be he's married as a front," The Texan spoke up, his face finally fading away to a more natural colour, "So that no one asks questions."

    Mikhail slammed his glass down onto the table, & could've kissed Dell when the other filled it back up again, "So, doktor is married for safety, but won't make sex because he doesn't want to betray woman he doesn't even love?"

    "We dunno that, it's just some theory spook has."

    "Do you 'ave anything better, bushman?" Jacques glared at Mick, picking his own glass up from where it lay on the floor. Dell didn't refill it, much to Jacques' chagrin, & Mikhail's amusement.

    "Well, I heard the doc talkin' to his birds. He tells the lil buggers everything, you know that, & he thinks he can hear 'em talkin'." Mikhail pointedly ignored the jab at his beloved. Ludwig could hear his birds, even if others couldn't, & the heavy was happy enough to be translated to. He especially loved it when the little doves had started calling him 'vati's mate', & the way it had made Ludwig flush from the tips of his ears to his neck. Damn him, he loved that mad doktor, & that love was making him even more angry.

    "What didja hear, slim?"

    "First off, he had his shirt off."

    "WHAT?" A gloved hand slammed against his jaw, Jacques yanking him by the chin to glare at him. Mikhail pulled himself away, covering his mouth with the lip of his liquor glass. It was regrettably empty, as was the bottle Dell hid under the table, but it was something at least.

    Mick clambered back into his seat (Mikhail hadn't even noticed he had fallen off) with his hand pressed to his chest & his aviators askew, "Slow down, big guy. I only saw his back, but it looked loike he was patchin' up his side & all. He was talking to, I think it was Euclid."

    "Is that the escape artist?" Mikhail's eye twitched again, but Dell didn't seem to notice.

    "Nyet, escape artist is Eureka."

    "Euclid is the singer." He really, really wanted to punch Jacques again.

    Mick cut him off this time, slamming his glasses onto the table, "No! Sappho's the singer. Euclid is the chatterbox. And I heard 'im talkin' to Euclid, & he was chattering back at doc. Whatever he said, it made Medic stop patching himself up." Mikhail was going to wake up tomorrow morning with a headache, he just knew it.

    "Why was doktor hurt?"

    "I don't bloody know, stop interrupting!" The nerve of this boy, as if Mikhail didn't deserve to be worried about his beloved's health, even if said beloved might or might not be cheating on him, "Anyway, I heard him say something loike 'I won't go to him fer help, I can do this myself. No, my hands ain't shaking too bad. No, I ain't goin' to Misha. No, he don't need to know. Stop it, I'll tell him at some point, but he don't need to know. So what if I'm getting blood over my favourite jodhpurs, I'm th' doc here. No, he don't need to know about this, why are you being so insistent? So what if he's gettin' blue balls, I don't want ta lose my head. Stop it, you dunno that.' Course, between every sentence Euclid cooed out some reply. But yeah, that's what I heard."

    Dell dropped his head into his hands, & Mikhail followed after him, "What does this mean?"

    Jacques, ever the cold bastard (which, in cases like these, was very useful), ignored his compatriots & turned on Mick, "Are you sure you didn't see anything on the docteur's body? No tattoos of some sort?"

    "No, just some scars but none of them seemed all that important. Which one of us doesn't have scars?" Dell let out a sigh & pulled his head out of his hands. Mikhail pointedly didn't.

    "But you did only see his back. He could have something on the front that he don't want the big guy seein'. Or any of us seein', for that matter."

    "Like what? And how does that link to this Liesel sheila?"

    "That's what we should find out."

    This time, the poker table did crack when Mikhail grabbed onto it, anchoring himself to it so that he didn't punch Jacques, "I don't feel comfortable with leetle Spy spying anymore. Make Heavy feel very bad about what we know." Jacques, bless that lovable but very punchable bastard, nodded at him with a smile & took a drag of his cigarette. Mick pulled one out for himself too (out of the spy's cigarette case, of course), & tried offering another one to Mikhail. He declined, but Dell plucked it from Mick's fingers instead, lighting it with a lighter none of them were aware he had on him. Ludwig didn't like it when people smoked, especially not inside, especially not when they were near him. He said the smell lingered, & he couldn't stand it, & that was the reason Mikhail had stopped indulging in the occasional smoke. The things he did for a man that might not even love Mikhail, as much as Mikhail loved him. It made him feel nauseous. 

    "But what do we know?" Dell sat closest to him, & damn him if the smell of Jacques' expensive cigarettes wasn't tempting, "The doc shares his last name with a woman who was in some news article. He knows that your relationship with him is a bit rocky. He's got a secret somethin' on his body that he don't want the big guy seein'. What does that tell us?"

    "Nothing. Is still mystery."

    "Sorry, mate."

    Mikhail sighed, rubbing a hand down his face, "Is ok. You try your best. I... I go see doktor now. Maybe we can work it out."

    "Good luck, mon ami."

    He hadn't gone to see Ludwig. He hadn't seen Ludwig the rest of the night at all, actually. He woke up the next morning to the smell of the medic's elderberry body wash, but no body warming the other spot in his bed. 

~~==~~==~~==~~==

    Mikhail loved Ludwig so much that it physically hurt sometimes. Ludwig said it was just heart palpitations, but Mikhail liked thinking of it as the physical manifestation of their relationship. He was always willing to take any amount of pain for his beloved, if only it meant that the other was safe & healthy. That was going to be his downfall one day, Mikhail knew that, he just hadn't expected it to come so quickly.

    It had been three days since his conversation with the other three. He counted it by days this time because he hadn't made any moves on the medic, & so couldn't count the days by the amount of rejections. Three days of stewing in the uncertainty of what he knew, three days of stewing in the fact that he had broken Ludwig's trust by letting Mick & Jacques spy on him. The spy had gone through the doktor's desk, for fuck's sake, if Ludwig found out then all four of them were dead.

    The worst part of it all was that he had been distant from his doktor, & the other had noticed. They were equals in this relationship, they initiated in equal measures. The caveat was that, if one of them were to retreat, the other would do so too. Then, it was up to the man who first withdrew to make the first move again, as the other rightfully assumed that he needed the space. And Mikhail did need the space, & the time, to think about everything he knew, but he had never withdrawn to this extent, to where he hadn't even told Ludwig what the matter was. His doktor must've been pulling his hair out trying to figure out why Mikhail was withdrawing from him, but the gunner just couldn't bring himself to come up with any sort of excuse. Ludwig deserved better than a flimsy excuse, but Mikhail deserved better than a lover who wasn't honest with him.

    He felt bad with what he was about to do, but he needed to know & he knew that Ludwig would not be honest with him. He had to test him.

    "Oh! Hallo, mein Lieber! Do you need somezhing?" Ludwig was cheery as always when Mikhail walked into the infirmary. He may have been withdrawing, but that didn't mean Ludwig had to be less than himself around his lover. The man was a ball of energy capable of rivaling Jeremy on a bad day, & today seemed to be one of his better days. 

    Mikhail smiled sweetly, coming up to stand beside Ludwig's desk, "Nyet. Just came to see you." Ludwig had three types of smiles, Mikhail found out long ago. He had his tamer, smaller ones that he showed to people he didn't want to scare. He had his manic ones that he let slip when he was particularly happy or excited. And then he had the softer ones, the ones reserved only for his birds, & for Mikhail. Mikhail almost turned on his heel & left right then & there when Ludwig gave him that rare, soft smile of his.

    "Aww, really? Oh, you," He playfully pushed at Mikhail's arm & the giant pretended to fall over, landing in a spare chair near the desk, "You alvays know how to make me feel better." His smile devolved into something sadder, something more reserved. Mikhail had to wonder if he was the cause of the grief he could see, clear as day, on his beloved's face.

    "Is something the matter, doktor?"

    Ludwig shook his head, turning to face Mikhail fully, "Ah, I just have so much vork today. I need a bit of a break." Perfect, he couldn't have asked for a better set up to put his plan into fruition. Mikhail rested his elbow on the desk & placed his cheek against his closed fist. He towered over everyone on the team, Ludwig included, but he bent himself until he could almost touch noses with the doktor. Ludwig immediately began blushing.

    Mikhail dropped his voice into a growl that he knew always got a favourable response from Ludwig, "I can help with that. Give doktor quick break."

    "Vhat do you mean?"

    "We could do it," He leaned in even closer, drinking in the sight of the flustered medic as his lips touched the shell of his ear, "Quickly."

    "Heavy..." There was no pleasure in that voice, nothing of the flustered man of a second ago. It was a voice tinged with barely contained annoyance. Not how he would have wanted this to go, but he could work with this.

    He sat back up, staring at Ludwig with a mixture of annoyance & confusion, not at all surprised that he couldn't look Mikhail in the eye, "What? Doktor can't say is busy now, when you ask for break yourself."

    "Heavy, I can't." The anger was still there, at the fringes of his voice, but this time his words were more tired than anything else. Mikhail chose a good day for this, it seemed as if Ludwig was also tired of this resistance he'd been putting up. 

    "Why not? Why you always reject me?" Ludwig still wouldn't look at him, "Even when you want it, you reject me! You are driving me insane, doktor!" The Heavy Weapons Specialist of team RED didn't fear many things. He was not ashamed to say that he was absolutely terrified of an angry Medic. Ludwig looked almost murderous when he whipped around to stare Mikhail right in the eyes. Either his plan was working perfectly, or he just bought a one way ticket to the afterlife. Sometimes it was hard to tell with Ludwig.

    "Leave." It was working.

    "What?"

    "I told you to leave." He was pushing his luck but it was working.

    "Fine! I go!" He burst out of his chair, sending it crashing to the floor, but he made no move to actually leave, "Doktor clearly is having second thoughts about relationship, won't tell Heavy what I did wrong, pushes me away. Fine." Ludwig was still sitting in his chair, but Mikhail didn't feel any comfort at the fact he was towering over his lover. Take the bait, Lutz, just take it.

    "You schupid, schupid man!" Hook, line & sinker, as Mick or Dell would say, "You aren't at fault here! Zhis isn't about you!" He was on his feet now too, & although Mikhail had an entire head on him, Ludwig was still the most intimidating person in the entire room.

    Mikhail tried to still his hammering heart, certain that Ludwig would be able to hear it when he leant down to his level, looking him right in the eyes as if challenging him, "Then who is it about?"

    "Me!" And Ludwig could no longer look at him. He moved away so quickly, Mikhail wasn't sure if the glassiness of the doktor's eyes was just a trick of the light, or if he was actually close to tears. 

    "So Heavy was right, doktor is having second thoughts."

    "Zhe more you keep talking, zhe more I'm having second zhoughts indeed!" He was bunching up the fabric of his jodhpurs, pacing frantically before Mikhail's still form. All that energy had to get out somehow.

    "Why can you not just say it?" Mikhail felt his own patience slipping away from him, but he wanted to keep on baiting Ludwig, he wanted an explanation, & a damn good one at that, "You are good at talking, we are good at communicating. But this you can't talk about? What is so bad that doktor won't have sex, even when he clearly wants to!" They were a team, they were the reason RED won so much more often than BLU. Without teamwork, without communication, they never would work so well together, & now Ludwig was refusing to talk to him. It was frustrating.

    "I told you to leave!"

    "Nyet. Not until you tell me what is the matter, Ludwig." He caught his hands when the doktor tried to shove him in the chest. He didn't try to get out of Mikhail's grip, but his blunt nails were digging semi-circles into his fingers. He wasn't sure if Ludwig even realised what he was doing in the first place.

    "I don't know vhat to tell you!"

    "The truth." Ludwig snarled at him, all animalistic rage & none of the scientific put togetherness Ludwig preferred to employ when dealing with situations he clearly didn't want to be in. It was that other side of the doktor, that glimpse of a man that had been driven to the very brink by forces outside of his control. He was terrified, & Mikhail truly didn't know what he was terrified of.

    "Zhe truzh is zhat I have secrets you don't deserve to know about! Vhat do you say to zhat!"

    "If doktor does not trust me with these secrets, we do not make good couple." Hook.

    "Vell, maybe ve don't, zhen!" Line.

    "Is finished, then? We are finished?" Sinker.

    "I... I suppose ve are?" He didn't take the bait. He looked as tired as Mikhail felt, & the giant just wanted to wrap him up in his arms & hold him forever. He was regretting this, he wasn't getting anywhere, he was just hurting his beloved with his inquiries. But, maybe he was right. Maybe this hurdle was too much for them to get over. Maybe if they couldn't talk this through, it wasn't worth it to carry on pursuing this any longer? Maybe this was for the better.

    And yet Ludwig's tone of voice did give him pause, the doktor being famously bad at hiding his true feelings about a given situation, "You say that like question." That glassiness to his eyes returned, & this time Mikhail was certain that it was no trick of the light. Whatever it was that Ludwig was hiding, it was stressing him out too. Mikhail didn't have a solution for this, he didn't have a plan on how to fix this. He simply didn't know what to do with Ludwig anymore.

    "Mikhail, please, just leave me alone for now. I... It's not your fault, Kuschelbär, it's really not. But I must be alone for now." Mikhail released him, pulling away from him as if Ludwig had burned him. The doktor silently slumped into his seat, & didn't even bother with a goodbye when Mikhail left the room. 

    They slept in their own, separate bedrooms that night, & the night after that, & every night for a week after. Their teamwork didn't suffer on the battlefield, their performance wasn't allowed to drop, it was the only reason they were allowed to date each other publicly in the first place. But the rest of the team clearly noticed, they clearly felt the tension during meals & during down time when the whole team gathered. Their Medic & their Heavy weren't talking, they weren't touching, they weren't cuddling & sitting in each others laps, they weren't kissing & acting like an old married couple. 

    Mikhail wondered if Dell, Jacques, & Mick felt bad. He hoped they did; he hoped they felt as bad as he did over the loss of his beloved doktor. He just hoped Ludwig didn't feel as wretched as him. Even after everything, he couldn't live with the idea that his doktor was in pain, physical or mental. 

    But Ludwig was no longer 'his' doktor. He wasn't Mikhail's anything. And Mikhail wasn't sure if he would ever be anything to him again. 

Chapter Text

    The worst thing about this was that they weren't talking. They simply weren't talking. They've had moments before where they were less affectionate with each other, & Mikhail remembered at least two separate occasions where he & Ludwig took to sleeping in separate beds for a night or two. But never before have they not talked during these moments.

    Ludwig seemed like the bigger perpetrator of this silence. Whatever Mikhail had managed to do, that fateful night in the infirmary, it had clearly left an impression on the doktor. He had become silent, withdrawn, careless. He seemed to be spending his days with his head in the clouds, doing mindless tasks around the base while clearly thinking deeply about something. At least, Mikhail hoped Ludwig was only thinking. He hoped the doktor wasn't causing himself undue stress, or that his hallucinations were intensifying. The doves were one thing, but there were other voices Ludwig could hear sometimes, & not all of them were as kind as his beloved birds. Mikhail knew, first hand, that one voice in particular often caused Ludwig to doubt himself, doubt his friends, doubt anything & everything around him. Jokes about killing his friends were one thing, the doves were one thing, but there were certain things even his doktor couldn't stomach, things that sent even a strong man like him into a deep spiral. Mikhail could only hope that his beloved wasn't suffering without his Heavy to protect him.

    As for him, he had a lot to think about too. He had been spending more time with Dell, Jacques, & Mick. Playing poker again was a nice reprieve from the stress of his failing relationship, even if the other mercs around the table insisted on constantly pestering him.

    "Maybe you make the first move first, then." Mick took a sip from his glass of liquor, looking at Mikhail over the top of his aviators. Jacques had made the suggestion last week, & promptly was sent to the infirmary when Mikhail tossed him out of the common room. The giant gave Mick a look, making him gulp audibly & hide behind his hat.

    "Maybe you should try, big guy." Dell was without his goggles (they had been deemed as 'cheating' by the mercs a while ago) & was pointedly not looking at Mikhail. Jacques was very slowly trying to slide himself under their makeshift poker table, taking his liquor glass & cigarette with him. 

    "Nyet. Doktor wanted break, he will get break." He wasn't particularly interested in the game, but the fact the others were getting on his nerves perfectly let him hide his displeasure with his dealt hand.

    "Are you, uh, sure you're not saying this outta anger? Loike, yer angry at the doc so you're stewin' in yer anger & takin' it out on him?" Mick, very swiftly, joined Jacques underneath the table, letting Mikhail snatch up his still half-full liquor glass. It was just him & Dell now, & the engineer wasn't one to give up easy. Not when he had a problem he thought he could solve.

    "Misha, ya know the boys mean well. We just hate seein' Lu & ya all sad & not talkin'." Dell had a way with words that was very particular to him. Something between a Southern charm & a paternal chastising, his smooth voice perfectly melted away his friend's troubles, even if his words couldn't stand up to the task. Unfortunately, Mikhail was far too anxious for it to work on him. Why shouldn't he be sad when his beloved was most likely stressing himself out because of his secrets? Why should he talk to Ludwig when it was clear that the doktor couldn't even look at him currently?

    "Am not sad, am worried, Dell."

    "Now, why can't ya be both?" Dell offered him a kind smile, & a refill of his liquor glass. He shouldn't have been drinking as much as he currently was, tomorrow morning the hangover would be deadly.

    Mikhail popped a cube of ice into his mouth, chewing on it as Dell kept talking, "Doc sure seems sad about it, ya know he ain't the most subtle guy out there. And even if you're just worried & not sad, you're still stressin' yourself out. It ain't very good for ya, big guy, or for the doc." 

    "Keeping secret is not good for us." Mikhail crunched through his little piece of ice, his teeth itching from the cold. Dell refilled his drink again, even though they both knew they should stop by now.

    "No, it's not. I..." He took a gulp of his liquor; Mikhail watching as he pulled out a cigarette from under the table, one of Jacques', "I talked with Lu yesterday. Not, mind ya, about the whole 'refusing sex' thin'. But I asked him why you & him were ignorin' one another."

    "Oui?" Came from under the table, before Mick jumped out from his hiding spot. He was visibly disheveled, there were red marks around his neck & his aviators were missing.

    "What happened to you, slim?"

    "Bloody spook tried murderin' me!" Mick panted out, before legging it out of the room. Jacques, just moments after, clambered out from under the table with far more grace than Mick had. 

    "Maybe now 'e will learn to keep 'is 'ands to 'imself." He leant over the table with his lighter, Dell leaning with his cigarette towards the spark with a 'much obliged'. If it was any other time, Mikhail may have laughed at his friends' shenanigans. As it stood, he was not in the mood for any amount of tomfoolery.

    "Engineer was speaking." He growled out, crunching down particularly hard & particularly loud on another ice cube.

    "Right, uh. I asked doc about the whole silence thing, &... He looked terrified. Looked at me like some sorta haunted man, & asked me why I wanted to know." He took a drag of his cigarette, looking over his cards with blind eyes. Jacques was looking at Mikhail, his cigarette forgotten between his teeth.

    "Do not look at me like that, Spy." His gaze immediately flickered away. Mikhail knew he sounded very testy, but his patience was dangerously close to completely fucking off. He didn't need any speculations about himself.

    "Now now, boys. I'm sure this has nothin' to do with Heavy. We already know the doc has some sorta secret he's scared of revealing." Mikhail wished there was more alcohol. If Tavish hadn't already been asleep (& sharing a room with the team's soldier of all people), Mikhail would've gone & asked him for some scrumpy or whiskey. Why did Ludwig have to be so difficult?

    "I go to bed now." Mikhail dropped his cards onto the table & stood up. The other two had to crane their necks to look up at him, both still smoking their cigarettes & fiddling with their liquor glasses.

    "We should probably do the same, Spah. Gotta be up early for the move." Dell put his cigarette out on the ice left in his glass. Jacques let the engineer finish off his glass, before they both stood up & bid Mikhail goodbye.

    Was it bad that he just... stood there? Everyone else on the team was long since gone, getting the rest they needed for tomorrow's move. But Mikhail stood there in the common room, standing above the discarded liquor glasses & set out cards. Tomorrow, either Dell or Ludwig would make a sweep of all the rooms, pick up the glasses & the card deck to take to their next base. Today, they just lay there, discarded & forgotten.

    Mikhail felt as if his body were the cards, scattered across an empty space, left behind by someone who probably did care about him, but not now, not in the last week. He felt discarded, & he knew that the thought was foolish. Those cards were Mick's, beloved & worn down, an old childhood gift. The sniper wouldn't forget about his cards, he had just been busy escaping Jacques' wrath. He was most likely sleeping now, making use of his designated room in the base instead of sneaking out to his van. He would be back for his cards come morning, if Dell or Ludwig didn't get there first to return them to him.

    Who would return him to Ludwig? And when would Ludwig finally wake up & come to pick up his pieces & put him back together again? He was tired, but so was Mikhail. They were both so tired, & yet the doktor still hid from him, still kept his secrets. How much longer would Mikhail have to wait? 

    His feet led him through the base. He wasn't one to drift off like this, to forget where he was while his mind tumbled over itself in an attempt to produce a solution to his problem. And yet, Mikhail had no idea where he was going, the sound of his footsteps was just the white noise his brain needed to think even deeper.

    It was a voice that finally brought him out of his reverie, stilling his feet in the middle of a step. His boot hung a few inches above the floor, his hands still swinging at his sides as he froze, listening.

    "Please, stop it." Right before him stood a pair of double doors, each one with a round window at the top. There was a faint twinkle of light filtering through the windows & from beneath the door. The voice was muffled but distinguishable.

    The cooing of birds was even more telling.

    "Nein, Liebling, stop it." Mikhail's boot came down onto the tiled floor as silently as he could make it. He didn't dare take another step, just angled his body until he could almost press his ear against the infirmary doors.

    "I'll tell him vhen I deem it necessary, I..." A sigh. Ludwig sounded as tired as Mikhail felt, & there was a certain quality to his voice. It wasn't drunkenness, but Ludwig's voice sounded thick & slightly choked.

    "I know, I know, Liebling. But..." More cooing, the sounds of fluttering wings. Mikhail didn't want to chance it, he didn't dare peek his head into the windows, no matter how much he wanted a glimpse of his lover.

    "Ja, ja, I'm scared, I know. Vati is being a coward, how shameful." Mikhail's heart clenched. Another round of cooing was followed by another sigh.

    "I don't understand vhy you are acting like zhis, Liebling. He is zhe first person I considered telling about zhis in decades. Isn't zhat brave enough? Ah, Archimedes, I vant to tell him, so much. But... but you know vhat happened last time. Oh, ja, I know his skeleton makes for zhe best perch, but I shouldn't have needed to resort to such measures. Oh, Archimedes, vhat if zhe rest of zhe team finds out? Vhat if zhey... You know I vouldn't be able to... I'd have to leave again, & I've gotten so comfortable here. You & your Brüder und Schwestern¹ like it here too. Imagine having to return to living in a vedding catering van!" Silence. Then more cooing. Mikhail guessed that the first 'he' referred to him. Ludwig wasn't as close with anyone else on the base as with the heavy, & this whole fiasco did end up in Ludwig hiding something from him, specifically. The second 'he', the one who apparently had his skeleton stolen, was a mystery. It couldn't have been the same man who was the first victim of Ludwig's skeleton-snatching. He knew the story behind that skeleton, & not once did Ludwig mention it being out of necessity, or out of self defense. The doktor did own many skeletons, though, each probably having its own story. None of that told him anything about what the doktor was hiding.

    Mikhail was a smart mercenary, smarter than many gave him credit for. He was intelligent outside of the battlefield, but had the smarts to survive in battle as well. But even he sometimes did 'dumb shit', as Jeremy liked to say. Deciding to peek into the infirmary windows was dumb as shit.

    "Was zum Teufel?"² Mikhail got a single glimpse of the doktor. A flash of light reflecting off his glasses, the spot of white sitting upon his desk, the pale skin of his shoulder & arm as he turned his neck just in time for his eyes to meet Mikhail's. Ludwig was faster than him, but fear had a way of giving people wings, & Mikhail was already diving behind a corner when he heard the infirmary doors open. 

    He snuck off towards his bedroom as silently as he knew how, thankful that Ludwig didn't seem interested in following him. He curled up beneath his covers with an unfortunate boner, the image of Ludwig's white, sinewy back & shoulders etched into his mind's eye. Catching a glimpse of how the doktor's muscular arm flexed as he fiddled with his shirt in his lap, Mikhail really couldn't begrudge Mick getting a look for himself. Ludwig had been sewing, probably fixing the tear he made note of earlier that day, after the day's battle. Unfortunately, Mick had been right about there being nothing on Ludwig's back or arms that he could possibly want to hide. Just a plane of pale skin, hiding beneath it thickly corded muscles & decorated in slight, pinkish indents from the Medi-pack. Whatever scars Mick had noticed, Mikhail hadn't, them being too small & too pale to properly see in the low light & at such a distance. 

    He was no closer to learning his beloved's secrets, & yet he still had a boner. Tomorrow was going to be hell.

~~==~~==~~==~~==

    Modern medicine was a marvel, but even it was weak in the face of a hangover. Mikhail envied people who didn't get hangovers, no matter how much they drank, like their demolitions expert. There were reasons why he drank so rarely, & the main one wasn't because he didn't like the taste of most alcohols. 

    "Ya look wretched, big guy." Dell had drank just slightly less than him last night, & yet he looked as chipper as he usually did. If he had a hangover, you couldn't see it at all.

    "похмелье."³ Mikhail dragged his feet over to Dell, groaning as he was forced to pick his head up, & then pick his arms up so that he could pick up & carry a crate of weaponry & the like, over to Dell's pickup truck. Too much picking up, not enough sleeping, Mikhail decided.

    "No clue wha'cha just said, but I think I get the gist." The engineer slung another crate into his own arms, trotting behind Mikhail as his short legs tried to catch up to the giant's strides.

    Mikhail barely heard the sound of the entry doors opening as he set the crate down in the bed of Dell's pickup. He wasn't really paying attention when he turned & lumbered towards the rest of the crates, squinting his eyes against the glare of the New Mexico sun. It took him a moment to notice something smacking into his side, followed by a flutter of wings & a panicked yelp.

    His hands shot out reflexively, fingers curling around the bars of the giant cage. He felt little pinches on his fingers, the stabbing of little beaks & talons as Ludwig's main doves (the half a dozen or so that traveled with him everywhere) attacked him through the cage bars. Then he felt a sudden cold that almost made him yelp, & Ludwig's smaller hands cupped his, trying to steady the massive cage trapped between their bodies. Mikhail looked up briefly, just long enough to see the doktor cooing comfortingly at his flock, before he looked back down at where their hands were holding the cage. Ludwig wasn't wearing any gloves, which was unusual for him, & Mikhail could distinctly feel something digging into the back of his right palm. 

    "Danke." Just one word. Just that one, single word. It wasn't anything special, hearing Ludwig speak. They may not have been sharing words, but the base & the battlefield were both full of the doktor's loud, accented croon. But this was different, it was so jarring. After weeks of silence, having Ludwig speak directly to him was a shock. 

    Mikhail's head shot up, his mouth falling open & his tongue fumbling with all the words he wanted to say, with all the apologies, the begging, the angry curses, the admittance of wrongs caused. That all died before it could hit the air, as Ludwig yanked the cage out of his grasp & walked around him. Mikhail watched as the other disappeared behind a corner of the base, leaving him just standing there with a forlorn look.

    "What's that?" Dell came up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Mikhail looked down at him, then down at the hand Dell was pointing at. It was his hand, his fist, still attached to his body & all, & yet a slip of paper peeked out from between his fingers, that Mikhail couldn't remember owning. When he unfurled it, he was met with the chicken scratch scrawl of the resident doctor, the words not really registering for him for a good few seconds.

    "My room, midnight, today." Mikhail read the letter out slowly, as if he was reading a language that was even more foreign to him than English. 

    "There nothin' else on there, big guy?" Mikhail shook his head, pocketing the little slip of paper. He went over to the last crate, hoisting it up onto his shoulders & carrying it to the truck. The headache was still there, & he was still tired, but for the first time in weeks, Mikhail actually felt excited, he felt happy.

    It didn't matter if he would never learn Ludwig's secret, if he never had sex with the doktor. As long as this excursion of theirs meant he would be forgiven, meant Ludwig would break his silence, he didn't care about anything else. He wanted his doktor back, & that's all that mattered.

~~==~~==~~==~~==

    There were only three truths in this world: his gun was the best thing in the world, sandwiches were the true height of culinary mastery, & he would do anything & everything for his loved ones. The fact Mikhail still considered Ludwig as one of his loved ones spoke to how much he was willing to do for him.

    The doktor, predictably, made no appearance at dinner. Jeremy was sent to the infirmary with a plate, but came back in minutes, telling of how Ludwig wasn't anywhere in his office, he hadn't even unpacked anything but his doves. Pyro was then sent with the plate of steaming meat & potatoes to the doktor's room, only to return with it, reporting that Ludwig had shut himself in his bedroom & refused to open his door. The team briefly considered sending Dell, before Mikhail finally brought up the note & the room went silent.

    "You nervous, big guy?" Dell had insisted on joining him by Ludwig's door, right as the clock was about to strike midnight. The rest of the team should have been asleep by now. At least, Mikhail assumed the other two Supports were asleep, Mick having forgone his in-base room for his van, & there being no classical music coming from Jacques' room for the last hour. Tavish & Jane always went to bed early, sharing Tavish's room in the Defense corridor, & Pyro went to bed only slightly later then them, back in the Offense corridor. He wasn't sure about Jeremy, but the Offense corridor was the furthest away from the Support corridor, so he shouldn't be a problem. That just left Dell & himself, & Ludwig sitting behind the door with a large copy of his class emblem emblazoned upon it. 

    "Nyet," He looked down at the small man standing on his right, "Just excited." He gave Dell a hopeful smile, & Dell grinned back up at him.

    "Well, if ya ever need me, I'll be in my workshop down in the basement." He left Mikhail with one last pat on the arm, & then it was just him & the door. The clock on the other end of the hallway struck midnight, & Mikhail pressed a hand against the door, only to find it already unlocked.

    Ludwig was in the process of putting a book away in his trunk, not even looking at Mikhail, "Right on time. Just as I expected." He was wearing nothing but a bathrobe. His calves were teasing Mikhail from beneath the folds of the red material.

    "Do not want to disappoint doktor." Ludwig straightened back up from where he was leaning over the trunk. The bathrobe was particularly snug, & Mikhail could see slivers of Ludwig's collarbones, enough to notice that the doktor was completely naked. His hair didn't look damp, so he couldn't have come in straight from the showers. Mikhail didn't dare hope.

    "By your presence here, I assume you're ready to... Gah, I don't know! Make up? Learn zhe truzh? Vhat is it you actually vant, Heavy?" The doktor paced over to his bed, sitting on it gingerly, crossing & uncrossing his legs before jumping back up & beginning to pace the room again. Mikhail just stood by the door, unsure of what to do. He looked around briefly, spotting a chair by the desk, but didn't want to move towards it when it cut through the path Ludwig was currently pacing.

    "I want to make up, doktor. Want to hold my doktor, kiss my doktor. Silence is making me go mad. I miss doktor." Ludwig didn't look at him when he spoke, folding his arms behind his back as he paced. One side of the bathrobe began to slide down, revealing part of Ludwig's hirsute chest, & the doktor quickly fixed it & crossed his arms in front of him. 

    "So you don't vant to find out my secret anymore? You don't vant to know vhy I don't vant to have sex vizh you?" He leveled Mikhail with a look, one of his eyebrows quirking upwards & his lips pulled into a thin line. Mikhail suddenly no longer felt as excited anymore.

    "Heavy can't lie to doktor." Maybe pouting was undignified, but Mikhail didn't particularly care right now.

    "Zhat's a yes, huh?" He just nodded. Ludwig stared at him, & the only sound in the room was the gentle ticking of the clock on the desk. The lamp flickered every minute or so, the pattern almost reminding Mikhail of Morse code. Blink blink blink, followed by three longer blinks, it was just missing the second set of short blinks. 

    "Kuschelbär, are you mad at me?" Ludwig took a tentative step forward, not quite meeting Mikhail's eyes. Mikhail had to wonder if the lamp was blinking for him, or for the doktor.

    "Not since first night we got in argument." Ludwig nodded, taking a step away from him again.

    "Sit down, bitte." He gave a nod towards the chair, & Mikhail obediently dropped into it.

    "Doktor?"

    "Hush for now. Mikhail, I am prepared to tell you exactly vhy I refuse to have sex vizh you. I never meant to hide zhis from you for long, believe me, but I never came across zhe right moment for it. I do vant to have sex, mein Kuschelbär, not out of obligation or anyzhing but because I genuinely find you very attractive. But you know zhat already! I... I've vanted to tell you zhis before, but my own cowardice got in zhe vay of it. I have no excuse now, because I realise how much my silence has hurt you. Vell, zhen, um... I am... I... Oh, don't look at me like zhat!" Mikhail let out a short laugh when a pillow met his face, covering his face with his hands as he tried to hold in any more sounds. Ludwig's face was adorably flushed, from the tips of his ears to the neckline of his bathrobe, & he was fidgeting with his hands as he stumbled out his speech. 

    "Sorry, doktor, sorry." Ludwig was huffing, brandishing the pillow again like a weapon.

    "I am baring my heart out to you, & you laugh." Another pillow to the face, but this one with less oomph behind it. Ludwig was still blushing, but he did look angry in a way he never did when Mikhail teased him. The heavy dropped his smile, picking the pillow up to hand it back over to the doktor. He watched his doktor hug the pillow to his chest, his hands shaking as they clutched onto it.

    "I am sorry, doktor. Please say what you want to say." The lamp flickered again, the light reflecting off of Ludwig's glasses. The clock kept on ticking; Mikhail & Ludwig sat in near silence.

    "I can't say it. But I vill show you." He set the pillow back down on the bed, his hands reaching down to untie the bathrobe. A beat of silence, & then Ludwig was looking at him with those piercing, icy eyes, penetrating him with such an intense look that it took Mikhail's breath away. 

    "If I show you, do you promise not to hurt me?" Mikhail almost burst out of his chair. He stopped himself by clutching onto the wood, feeling the flimsy piece of furniture slowly splinter under his strength. 

    "I would never hurt you, doktor!"

    Ludwig smiled, & it was the saddest thing Mikhail had ever seen on another person, "I've heard zhat before." Mikhail was reminded of the skeleton, of last night's overheard conversation, of so many different things that could have hurt his beloved in the past. He wanted to punch something, or preferably someone. Preferably whoever dared hurt his beloved, even though he knew the perpetrators were likely long dead. His doktor could protect himself; he had been all alone, traveling across America, for the past three decades after all. That didn't mean his instincts weren't screaming at him to do something, anything. Even holding his doktor would have helped, but Ludwig seemed uncomfortable enough already.

    "мой голубочек."⁴ With a nod of resolve, Ludwig grabbed for the belt of his bathrobe. His eyebrows were pulled down into a frown as he fiddled with the garment, until he finally managed to get it off, dropping it to the floor around his feet.

    Mikhail wasn't sure what he was looking at, at first. Ludwig's body was toned, & he had relatively little scarring compared to people like himself or Jane, & he was very hirsute in a way that Mikhail always liked in his male partners. But he knew those things already, that wasn't anything Ludwig had to hide from him. And then he looked a little closer, & Ludwig stood with his legs a lil bit more spread out, & his arms pulled away from his body. There was a look of abject terror on his face, the sort of terror Mikhail saw on him when they were accosted by the enemy Spy, or one of them noticed the telltale blue dot of the enemy Sniper's rifle. It was the sort of fear of immediate death, of possible pain & loss, of being stranded in the centre of enemy territory without backup. Ludwig was scared that Mikhail would hurt him, & that made Mikhail's heart hurt, but he forced himself to ignore that fear for now. He had to find whatever Ludwig had kept secret from him. Focus, Misha, focus. 

    Something Mikhail hadn't expected from his lover was just how straight & narrow Ludwig's uniform had made him look. Naked, he had a more distinct shape. His shoulders were broad, & his hips were rounded; his belly was a bit paunchy but his waist was far narrower than Mikhail was used to seeing on a man. He had thick, muscular thighs that made him look even rounder, but it was a subtle difference that Mikhail only noticed because Ludwig asked him to look for it. He doubted that he would have noticed anything different about his love at first glance, not enough to tell what exactly Ludwig was so worried about him finding out. He did, however, notice that there was a vertical scar on his stomach, right over his belly button, that was partially covered by the hair. It stood out more than his other scars, but Mikhail couldn't exactly tell what it was from, & it seemed almost too inconspicuous to be the cause of Ludwig's strange behaviour.

    The thing that especially grabbed Mikhail's attention was Ludwig's chest. He knew that the doktor had a muscular body, his chest included, but this wasn't exactly it. His nipples hung lower & were more centered, & the shape of his pecs didn't look like pure muscle, but more like fat. There were stretch marks & veins visible on his pale skin, & the areola were ever so slightly pink. Mikhail liked it, he liked how Ludwig's chest looked, he didn't understand what the doktor was so worried about. Maybe it didn't look exactly how a younger, slimmer man's chest would look, but that wasn't anything for Mikhail to hurt him over.

    "I don't understand what I am looking at."

    "Aheh, vell. Um, let me..." Ludwig walked backwards until his knees hit the edge of the bed. He sat down slowly, scooting backwards until he was some half way up the bed. He seemed not to want to lose sight of Mikhail, if the way he leaned back with his head propped up against the headboard was any indication. It looked uncomfortable, but Ludwig looked uncomfortable already, even though Mikhail was trying to smile at him in reassurance. The doktor just crossed his arms over his stomach, & then spread his legs.

    Mikhail knew what he was looking at now, but it didn't exactly make sense for him. He was looking at Ludwig's genitalia, at a very small penis hanging between two flaps of skin that reminded Mikhail of a woman's vagina. Well, maybe because there was also a vagina below there, situated snuggly between the penis & the asshole. It was pinkish, & hairy on the outside, & perfectly normal for a vagina, in Mikhail's opinion. Ludwig had a vagina. His doktor, his very mad but genius doktor, had a vagina. He had rounded hips & pecs that weren't fully muscle, & he had genitals Mikhail usually associated with his female partners. Mikhail was not a stupid man, no matter what people said when they first met him. But he did have to concur, & say that it took him a good few minutes of just staring at the space between Ludwig's legs, before he realised what was going on. His doktor was a woman, or had been one at some point, with him it could really go either way couldn't it? He had the surgical knowledge, right? Ludwig was... he was shaking, & not from the cold air in their bedroom. 

    Mikhail leaned over, then suddenly thought against it when Ludwig flinched. It took another few minutes of the two of them just staring at each other, before Mikhail finally stood up & walked over to the bed. The doktor's eyes never left him, as he lay prone on the red covers.

    The bed dipped when he sat on it, resting a hand on Ludwig's thigh, & his heart broke when the doktor whimpered, "Don't hurt me. I von't be able to fight you, I love you too much to hurt you." 

    "Doktor, you are beautiful," He was met with a frown, "Handsome! I mean handsome!" Ludwig didn't stop frowning.

    "Do you understand vhat zhis means?" He didn't dislodge Mikhail's hand, but he was fidgeting where he sat so Mikhail retreated from him anyway. The doktor was moving his crossed arms from his stomach to his chest, then back again, & he refused to meet Mikhail's eye.

    "Da. Doktor is... I understand, I understand! But do not know word for it." He thought he saw Ludwig fighting back a smile & he leant over experimentally, smiling when the doktor didn't flinch back from him. He pressed a kiss to the doktor's brow, smoothing out the frown lines there, moving in a line down his nose until finally settling on his lips. Ludwig was always very cold, but his lips warmed up in seconds as Mikhail worked away at them. He let out a breathless, little happy noise, & he was glad to hear one in return, paired with the subtle shuffling of cloth behind him.

    "Misha. Misha, vait up, bitte," He pulled off reluctantly, nosing at Ludwig's left cheek, "I vant to make sure you understand. Zhat you know vhat you're getting into before you do. I vill steal your skeleton if you react badly, even if I don't vant to." 

    "I understand," He pressed a kiss to the corner of Ludwig's lips, "Doktor love me, & I love doktor. Is all I need understand."

    "Mikhail..."

    Finally, he pulled away, "Doktor is woman in body, but man in mind & soul. Heavy don't care, like men & women. In Russia, if man like other man, he be taken to gulag. If man wear women clothes, people say he is man who like men, so he is sent to gulag. Is not so different. You are man & like men, da? But grew up as woman? But are man now, & Heavy like men, so we make sex. Now, I give doktor night of pleasure he deserve." He unceremoniously stood up & began pulling his clothes off. When he was done, Ludwig was still staring at him from the bed, although he was smiling now. It was just a slight quirk of his lips, something that was easy to miss, but it was there & it was aimed at Mikhail, & that made it so much more special than anything else. 

    "You really are ok vizh it?"

    "Da. Doktor is still same person. Will still heal me in battle, will still play with birds, will still get annoyed at comrades. Is same person." He climbed onto the bed, sliding himself closer to Ludwig until he could take the doktor into his arms.

    "I have condoms & lube in zhe top drawer, bitte." Mikhail grumbled. He had just settled himself comfortably, & now he had to move. Ludwig was lucky he loved him so much. Grumble, grumble.

    He moved over to the bed side table, popping the top drawer open. He wasn't quite sure why the condoms & lube were in the top drawer, but then again the doktor's room was seldom used & not even Jacques bothered sneaking into it for information. Not like the infirmary, where the doktor kept almost everything, including his most important documents stuffed away in a filing cabinet or two. And Jacques had found things in the infirmary before, hadn't he?

    Mikhail returned to the bed with the items in hand, Ludwig looking more relaxed than before, "So... Who is Liesel?" The doktor's mood immediately soured, his face fell.

    "How do you know about Liesel?" He did 'dumb shit' again, didn't he?

    "Doktor, please don't get angry." He brought the man into his arms, but was shoved away.

    "Mikhail. You better tell me how you found out about Liesel, now." Fuck.

    "I, uh... Spy saw news article?"

    "Zhat fucking..."

    Ludwig was up before Mikhail even had time to process it, "Doktor, no! Please, stay calm. Just say who is Liesel. Is wife?" He grabbed at the doktor, snaking one long arm around his waist & yanking him backwards where he fell into Mikhail's lap. There was marginal protesting, but it was more symbolic than anything, & Ludwig soon collapsed against Mikhail, glaring up at him with pursed lips. 

    "Wife? Nein! I'm Liesel."

    "But you are Ludwig?" The doktor groaned & extracted himself from Mikhail's grasp. He trotted over to one of his trunks, his feet making light pitter patter sounds on the wooden floors, before he bent over to rummage in his belongings. The curve of Ludwig's ass was even more defined without clothes in the way, & he bent in half in that particular bow-like way he always did, presenting Mikhail with a perfect view of not only his puckered asshole, but also his slightly glistening vagina & small cocklet. Mikhail found himself hardening from simply looking.

    "Look, zhis is me back in Germany, before I became Ludwig," He returned to the bed with a newspaper in hand, passing it to Mikhail & directing him to a specific page, "Do you see zhe resemblance? I never had a wife, I've never been vizh a voman before, even after I became a man, I have no interest in vomen, to zhe point I didn't even vant to be vone." Mikhail took a brief glance at the newspaper. His German wasn't very good, he understood it better when spoken than when read, but he recognised Stuttgart & words like university. What grabbed his attention more than the words, however, was the photograph in the centre of the page. It was black & white, & of professional quality with crisp edges. There was a girl at the very centre of it, young & pretty, & there could have been an argument made that she was Ludwig's younger sister, or even his daughter. But Mikhail still had questions, & his eyes were pulled towards the man standing above him.

    "So... Doktor is not secretly married & Heavy is not side piece?"

    "No, Misha, you're not my 'side piece'," Ludwig gave him one of those soft, rare smiles again, before his face abruptly fell, "I don't vant to have anymore secrets betveen us, Misha. I am a vidower, I vas married long ago. But he's been dead for zhree decades by now, & he doesn't hold a candle to how amazing you are, Kuschelbär." The doktor's hand was cold when it brushed over Mikhail's cheek, caressing his jaw & thumbing away at the corner of his mouth.

    "You had husband?"

    "Ja, but I vill tell you about zhat arschloch some ozher time. You did promise me a night of pleasure, did you not?" He leant down, pressing a chaste kiss to Mikhail's cheek. He threw one muscular leg over Mikhail's thighs, sitting himself down in the giant's lap. Mikhail's cock was already half hard, trapped between their bellies as Ludwig threw his arms around his heavy's neck, nuzzling into his shoulder. Mikhail wrapped his arms around the smaller man, putting his head on one of his shoulders as he looked at the newspaper again. He had to hold it at a certain distance to properly read it, & even then he still didn't understand much of it.

    "Da, da. Just... give me moment." Ludwig sighed, but busied himself with sucking a hickey into Mikhail's neck, staying blessedly quiet & still as his lover looked over the newspaper page. Mikhail chose to ignore the headline, & didn't even bother trying to read the article by himself. All of his attention was on the picture in the centre of the page. The woman in the photograph looked very young, barely an adult at second glance, with a demure smile that didn't quite fit her face. She wore round glasses & a dress with long sleeves & a peter pan collar. Although Mikhail couldn't see the colours, he could tell that the woman had exceptionally pale skin, & matching pale eyes. Her hair was such a dark shade of black that it was the blackest thing in the entire photograph; it fell pleasantly around her shoulders, curling naturally at the ends in a way that Mikhail recognised in Ludwig's current hairstyle. It was uncanny, because Mikhail could absolutely recognise Ludwig in her face, but things like the hair & a less defined jaw & longer eyelashes were arguing with the image of the doktor he knew & loved. But it was still undeniably him, not some secret daughter or estranged sister he didn't want the team knowing about. It was his face & his hair & his restrained smile. And his eyes, empty as they were, making him look dead inside. 

    "Doktor has curly hair." Mikhail eventually said, the easiest thing for his brain to focus on right now, with Ludwig still pressing little kisses & bites against his neck.

    "Wavy, not curly, but yes, my hair is not fully straight. Zhat's vhy I have such a horrible case of bedhead every morning, aheh," Ludwig pulled away from Mikhail's neck, placed his hand on his arm, forcing him to look down at his doktor, "You... you don't prefer her over me, do you?" Mikhail looked back down at the pretty, young thing in the newspaper, then back at the mature, handsome doktor who was looking at him with no small amount of fear. He imagined what it would be like to have a tall, slender, black-haired beauty in his lap. Then he compared it to the weight of the muscular, distinguished, bespectacled man that sat there instead. Mikhail carded one hand through Ludwig's short hair, watching his little forelock bounce back into its curved shape when disturbed, & then imagined doing the same with a partner sporting longer hair. He dragged a hand down the doktor's chest, dragging his nails through a forest of black hair, imagining the way Ludwig's sternum would feel if he was perfectly smooth. And then Mikhail imagined hearing the pretty thing in the photograph laugh, & realised he couldn't. Every time he tried, his mind could only supply him with Ludwig's mad cackle, or his excitable giggle, or his curious little 'hoo!'s. He looked down at his doktor, past the round-framed spectacles & into his icy blue eyes, the same eyes that sparkled when he spoke of his experiments, or shone with mad glee when he was slaughtering BLUs. The eyes that seemed to know everything there was to know about Mikhail, that had seen his naked heart, & watched Mikhail throw himself into danger for his doktor. He looked down at the photograph of the young girl, & he saw nothing in her eyes. They were empty.

    Mikhail tossed the newspaper onto the floor, grabbing Ludwig's ass & pressing their bodies closer, "I fell in love with doktor, not young girl I don't know." The doktor let out a surprised 'hoo!' at the manhandling, his arms tightening around Mikhail's neck reflexively. 

    "And now I show doktor night of pleasure. Like I promised."

Chapter Text

    Ludwig looked very pretty on his knees, sandwiched between Mikhail's thighs.

    "Nyet, doktor. Up." Mikhail wrapped a hand around Ludwig's bicep, helping him get back onto the bed. The doktor cocked his head & smiled, making Mikhail's heart flutter.

    "But vhy?" His cold hands traced a path up Mikhail's legs, fingertips dragging teasingly over the length of his shaft before Mikhail managed to stop him.

    "Is doktor's night tonight. I will show doktor pleasure, not other way round." He pressed a hand against Ludwig's torso, encouraging him to lay back against the pillows. He dragged his nails through the dark hair on Ludwig's chest, getting a pleased purr out of his lover. It took all of Mikhail's self control not to bury his face in that luscious forest right then & there.

    "Are you going to pamper me, Bärchen?"¹ Ludwig bent his knee, dragging his ankle over Mikhail's thigh. He was smiling teasingly at Mikhail, moaning when he was grabbed by the foot & pulled closer to the giant.

    "дьяволенок."² Mikhail breathed against Ludwig's neck, nosing away at his pulse point & feeling said pulse hammering away under his skin. And then he bit down, hard, & Ludwig shrieked.

    "Again! Again!" Mikhail bit down onto Ludwig's collarbone, & then his sternum, listening to Ludwig scream out his approval. He used the flat of his tongue to lather up one of the doktor's pinkish nipples, & then left a bite around the entire perimeter of the areola. A moan rattled through the man's body, & Mikhail felt himself grow uncomfortably hard. He had to pull away, had to take a deep breath to calm himself down before reaching over for the lube.

    "What hole doktor prefer?" He asked as he slicked up one of his fingers. He gave Medic's cock an experimental tug, watching it harden right before his eyes. It wasn't very long, probably no more than 3 inches, & wasn't very girthy either compared to his own penis, or even his fingers. But it was proportional to itself, & the pink head looked nearly identical to any other man's penis Mikhail had ever seen, with the only exception being that Ludwig was completely uncut. It was a weird realisation for Mikhail, that he hadn't bedded an uncut man before, but he gently pulled the foreskin on Ludwig's penis back with two large fingers, releasing the entire head & glans.

    "See somezhing you like, Liebling?" Ludwig rolled his hips, dragging his cock against Mikhail's awaiting fingers. 

    "You have penis." He said, almost in awe, as the aforementioned digit twitched. Ludwig propped himself up on his elbows, reaching one hand down to his genitals. He gently tugged at the cocklet, sliding the foreskin back & forth on it, making the head wink at Mikhail.

    "Ja! I grew it myself, on my own body! See, zhis is just an extension of my birzh anatomy, but under the effect of certain hormones, zhe clitoris grew into a small penis!" Mikhail, arguably, wasn't very good at biology. Sure, he knew what most genitalia looked like. It took him a moment to connect the word 'clitoris', to the small, pink bean he was used to licking & touching on his female partners, but Mikhail knew what that bit of anatomy was.

    "Penis don't look like clitoris."

    Ludwig laughed at him, reaching with both hands to pull back the flaps of skin that could, technically, be his labia, "See zhis incision, & the ever so slight scarring on zhe underside of zhe penis? I performed surgery on myself to release it from zhe skin around it, so zhat it could hang at zhe same level as ozher men's penises, & then had to sew the labia togezher to form zhe shaft. See?" Mikhail did see, now that he thought about it.

    "My Lutzenka. So smart." He pressed a kiss to the head, feeling it twitch happily against his lips. It tasted, smelled, felt like a regular penis, but it was special to him because it was attached to the most amazing man Mikhail ever had the fortune of knowing. 

    "Also, to answer your question, I am alright vizh penetration in eizher hole. But zhank you for asking, mein Lieber." Ludwig kissed the top of Mikhail's bald head, grabbing him by the ears & pulling him upwards until their lips could meet. Ludwig was smiling into the kiss, nipping playfully at Mikhail's bottom lip while still rubbing his penis against Mikhail's palm. Mikhail snuck a hand between them, lubing up a second finger while Ludwig was busy sucking his teeth & deepthroating his tongue. The doktor was getting especially vocal, each nip paired with a grunt, each lick paired with a moan, & each kiss punctuated by a loud lip smack. Mikhail found it absolutely adorable.

    "Ready, doktor?"

    "Ready for vhaaaAAAAT!" One of Mikhail's large, fat fingers slid without protest into Ludwig's vagina, the orifice already dripping & wet. The second lubed up finger prodded at Ludwig's asshole, pushing through the tight ring of muscle until it could rest securely inside. The doktor went crosseyed behind his glasses, his mouth falling open comically as a string of drool hung at the corner of his lips.

    "Ludwig?"

    Ludwig let out a breath of air through his nose, whispering, "Mikhail, you fucking genius." The heavy reached up, wiping the drool in the corner of Ludwig's mouth, before touching the side of his glasses. His hand was immediately slapped away, & he dropped it unceremoniously in his lap. 

    When Ludwig took in a proper, albeit shaky, breath, Mikhail began to move his fingers in & out. Ludwig was hovering on his knees, pressing his ass & cunt deeper onto Mikhail's fingers. He was letting out breathless little moans, pawing at Mikhail's wrist & encouraging him to go faster. At some point he reached out, cold fingers pressing against Mikhail's balls, & he almost came right then & there. He swatted the hand away, & wondered for a brief moment if Ludwig would allow himself to be tied up.

    "Misha," Ludwig whined, "I vant to touch." He was drooling again, his teeth worrying away at his bottom lip. 

    "Doktor will get to touch plenty." More lube, another finger joined the one in Ludwig's ass. It was an awkward position, Mikhail should have been focusing more on stretching him open, but the doktor made such pretty sounds every time Mikhail pressed against his walls from both ends, trying to make his fingers touch. The way he was bouncing on Mikhail's fingers, with that manic grin while his entire body shook with pleasure, was enough to make Mikhail go mad. He had to wrap his fingers around the base of his own dick to stop himself from coming. The image of Ludwig's muscular tits bouncing with his movements wasn't helping matters, they were hypnotising him, calling to him.

    "Zhere! Right zhere!" Ludwig suddenly screeched, dropping heavily onto Mikhail's fingers.  

    "Here? But..." Mikhail pressed against that same spot again. There was something slightly harder on one wall of Ludwig's anus, not too dissimilar to the pleasurable spot Mikhail was familiar with in his own body.

    "Yes! Yes!!"

    "But I don't understand?" He rubbed the spot again, marveling on what it could be. He couldn't really feel it from the other side, but whatever it was made Ludwig keen so prettily.

    "Vhat don't you understand? You've bedded men before, haven't you?"

    He had that annoyed expression on his face, with the angry eyebrows & a toothy frown, but he was still happily bouncing on Mikhail's fingers, "Da, but women don't have... Place up there that feels good, what is name?"

    Ludwig huffed, holding tightly onto Mikhail's wrist, "Zhe prostate. But, you see, I do have prostate tissue, as similarly to zhe clitoris, taking testosterone encourages zhe growzh of prostate tissue!"

    "Ah... Mm," Mikhail squirmed, tightening his hold on his dick, "Heavy feel very aroused when doktor talk about science, but now is not good time for long explanation."

    "Alright. Fuck me already, I can see you can't hold it in any longer." Ever perceptive, Ludwig pushed himself off of Mikhail's fingers, reaching over for the discarded condom box. And then he stopped, & began laughing. 

    "What? What is funny?" Mikhail leant over Ludwig's shoulder, looking at the condoms. They were XS size, & strawberry flavoured. He took one out (the box was already opened) & unwrapped it. He gave it a sniff, & recoiled at the scent of artificial strawberries. Then he rolled it onto his dick, & it barely stretched over his head & glans.

    "Misha, no!" Ludwig giggled incessantly, holding onto his stomach. He was 'hoohoo'ing adorably, & Mikhail just felt so much love for this ridiculous man.

    "Could still work, doktor."

    "Nein, I have a bigger size in zhe drawer, zhose are mine." Mikhail pulled another condom out of the box, tearing the packet upon & unfurling it. Indeed, the size was perfect for Ludwig's cocklet, making it look very cute covered in the pink rubber. Once he was done admiring the doktor, he did grab the bigger pack to cover himself up. The bigger size (XL specifically, apparently Ludwig had them for a while judging by the nearing expiration date) weren't flavoured, or special in any specific way, but they fit Mikhail snuggly.

    "Lay down, doktor." Ludwig did, surprisingly enough. He got himself comfortable on the pillows, handing one to Mikhail when asked for it. The pillow slid under his lower back, & Ludwig shook his butt invitingly. Mikhail took a moment to spread some more lube onto his dick, lined himself up, & slid right into the doktor's awaiting cunt. He received a pleased 'hoo' & a manic smile in turn. The tight heat of the doktor's vaginal canal felt delicious, & the velvety slide, in & out, had Mikhail's balls tightening up. At this rate he wouldn't last long, & he had promised for it to be a 'night of pleasure' & not a 'few hours of pleasure'.

    "Feel good, doktor." He grunted out, grasping onto Ludwig's love handles to anchor himself. He began thrusting faster, picking up pace in tandem with all of the little moans & gasps Ludwig was letting out, watching his cocklet bounce with the motions. It was mesmerising, watching Ludwig let himself go like this, watch him screw his face up in absolute pleasure, his mouth falling open as wordless noises spilled out of it. A bead of sweat traced a path down his forehead & the side of his face, & a particularly hard thrust from Mikhail made him let out a deep, throaty groan. Mikhail was still speeding up, feeling his pleasure rising, feeling something coiling deep in his gut. He loved the way Ludwig was clenching up around him, the silken insides of his vagina hugging him from every side. He was going in as deeply as he was able to, watching Ludwig's eager hole swallow up a good chunk of his penis.

    And then a pillow smacked into his face.

    "Mikhail, stop!" Ludwig was brandishing a second pillow, looking ready to throw it at any moment. Mikhail obediently stopped, feeling disappointed at the loss of the pleasure.

    "What is wrong, doktor?" Another smack of the pillow.

    "Mikhail, you are not a virgin. I know for a fact zhat you are not a virgin. But I, unlike vhatever pretty, young girls you've fucked before me, am not meek & vill just take vhatever you give me. So don't," Smack, "You," Smack, "Dare," Smack, "Keep hitting my cervix!" Oh... OH!

    "Doktor still has inside parts??" Mikhail wasn't sure what exactly the tip of his penis had been hitting, it was just something fleshy that didn't have much give, & he had assumed it was just some wall separating Ludwig's organs from his reproductive system, or lack there of. Look, he was a literature major, & he might or might not have failed biology a few times.

    "Yes, dummkopf!" Another smack of the pillow, "And even if I didn't, vhy vould you zhink hitting my insides vould be a good idea!" Mikhail shrugged. That got him another smack.

    "Why does doktor still have inside parts?"

    "Because I couldn't be bozhered to get it out. Now pull out & fuck mein arsch instead." The pillow was returned to its position under Ludwig's shoulders, much to Mikhail's relief. There was something the doktor wasn't telling him, he liked changing the subject when he had something to hide.

    "No secrets, doktor. Remember?" He pulled out anyway, because the last thing he wanted was to cause Ludwig anymore pain. He rubbed at the man's thighs, hoping to encourage him, & lined himself up with his asshole just as he had been asked to.

    "Hartnäckig...³ Maybe I... I don't know, Mikhail. Maybe it vas out of guilt zhat I kept zhem, to remind myself of my past. Or because it vas somezhing inside my body zhat didn't bozher me as much as my lack of a penis did. Maybe it vas because I vas vonce young & schtupid & vanted to start a family." Mikhail rolled his hips, setting a slow & leisurely pace, an almost conversational pace, as Ludwig talked. He mulled his words over, running his hands over Ludwig's hips & thighs, digging his fingers into the supple muscles. He wondered what he could say to diffuse the situation, Ludwig seemed so down despite his cock still being fully hard. 

    Mikhail let himself grin cheekily, dragging his nails down the inside of Ludwig's thighs where he knew he was most ticklish, "Heavy wants twins." He expected another pillow to the face, & hope that it would end at that, & not at Ludwig leaving him for the night. What he got instead was a mad cackle from the doktor, his shoulders bouncing with his laughter & his tits jiggling in the most enticing of ways.

    "Mikhail! If you don't behave I'll spank you!" Ludwig was still laughing, but Mikhail felt a jolt of arousal shoot through his body. Now that was something he didn't expect, couldn't possibly hope for, but also wasn't at all surprised to hear.

    "Not tonight, doktor. Tonight is for you." He rumbled, giving a sharper roll of his hips, trying all the while to stave off his incoming orgasm. Ludwig's ass was somehow even more pleasant, but Mikhail had at least two more channels he wanted to try out tonight.

    Ludwig canted his hips up, sending another jolt of pleasure through Mikhail, "Is zhat right? Does zhat mean I get to have a spanking?" Mikhail imagined manhandling Ludwig onto his front, tying his arms behind his back with his tie, & forcing him to rest on his knees. He imagined the way his ass would look, waiting for him, & how it would bruise so prettily when he rained down smack after smack upon it. He imagined teasing Ludwig's holes with his fingers, pressing kisses against his blue & black flesh as the doktor sobbed in pleasure, & then imagined him squirming in his seat at his desk, or at the dining room table, feeling each individual reminder of their night together.

    Mikhail keened, his hips stuttering, "Only if doktor is naughty boy." Ludwig's face cracked open into a grin, & he flushed the prettiest shade of pink from the tips of his ears to just below his ribcage. Usually his blush would end at the neck of his shirt, & Mikhail had always wondered just how far it went. Seeing Ludwig's skin grow pink beneath his chest hair, seeing the way his pink nipples stood out on the slivers of skin that were still milky pale, Mikhail did something very unwise. He shoved his face right into Ludwig's chest & began to rub himself against it. Ludwig let out a pleased 'hoo', arching his back up into Mikhail's face.

    "It's hard to be naughty vhen you're so cute & make me vant to be all good for you." More of those adorable 'hoo'ing noises. Mikhail lifted his head enough to look at Ludwig, to watch his pretty, flushed face & his toothy smile. He saw Ludwig bring his hands up, & then suddenly the pressure on his cheeks increased as he was being smooshed tightly between the doktor's perfect breasts. He just about died in that moment.

    Maybe he did die. The French referred to orgasm as 'a little death' after all, & Mikhail could no longer hold back as his balls tightened almost painfully.

    Ludwig giggled, "Is it my turn now?"

    "Your turn?" Mikhail didn't really want to extract himself from Ludwig's delicious ass just yet. He still had his face buried in the doktor's breasts, deeply breathing in the scent of his sweat & bodywash. Some of the hairs on his chest tickled Mikhail's face, but he was too comfortable to do anything about that.

    It was almost too easy for Ludwig to manhandle him onto his back, reversing their positions in the time it took Mikhail to blink. Without much fanfare, Ludwig slicked his own cock up, threw Mikhail's knees over his shoulders, & grasped his thighs until they were pressed as tightly together as they could go. Suddenly, Mikhail felt something slide between his thighs, slick with the lube, & Ludwig began thrusting.

    "Doktor?" Ludwig didn't respond, not at first. There was sweat beading at his brow, & he looked very focused as he kept fucking between Mikhail's thighs. It was simultaneously the hottest, & weirdest thing Mikhail had done up until now. Sure, he wasn't a stranger to using thighs or tits to get off on, but he had never been on the receiving end of the interaction, he never had his thighs gripped with the same strength Ludwig was gripping him, looking up at his doktor moaning & whining up above him. If he could, he would have been hard again, especially when he felt Ludwig speed up, chasing his own high as Mikhail lay plaint beneath him.

    Next time he had to see if Ludwig could put his cock up his ass.

    "Misha...aaaah." There it was, the crescendo accompanied by a voice crack & the most debauched expression Mikhail had ever seen on the doktor's face. All too soon, it was gone as Ludwig pulled away, dropping Mikhail's legs. He reached over to pull the condoms off each of their dicks, & Mikhail noticed that Ludwig's was completely empty, but that his thighs were slick & dripping from his own release. Maybe the condom was there to prevent chafing, like the lube.

    "Come here. Is cuddle time." He opened his arms up, waiting patiently for Ludwig to crawl over to him. They could get cleaned up later, maybe take a bath together (their current base had a bath in one of the storage units Mikhail could probably drag over to the showers) & Mikhail could take care of his beloved even more. But, for now, Mikhail just wanted to hold him in his arms & bask in the afterglow of sex.

    Ludwig hummed as he settled himself against Mikhail's chest, wrapping his arms around the bigger man's torso, "Zhat vas fun!" He giggled. He wasn't even panting, & he barely felt as warm as Mikhail felt. It seemed as if his orgasm hadn't even tired him out.

    "Doktor is not human..."

    The swat against his chest was gentle, & Ludwig was grinning adorably up at him, "Oh, don't complain. I could go get my Medigun & zhen ve could have round two!"

    "Round two! We already have round two! Twice!"

    "Don't be such a baby, Misha. You did promise me a 'night' of pleasure, & it's not even 3am yet."

    "I love you, Ludwig. But have mercy on my poor penis."

    "I love you too, Mikhail. But no, I von't."

    "дьяволенок."

Chapter Text

    Ludwig keened, arching his back & pushing his tits further into Mikhail's mouth. One of the gunner's fingers was stretching out his ass, his mouth latched onto one of Ludwig's pink nipples.

    "Lieber, Liebling, Liebchen, ah!" Ludwig moaned as Mikhail gave a hard suck. He rolled the pert bud between his teeth, lathering it up with his tongue & revelling in the noises he was able to milk out of his doktor.

    "Fick, fick, fick fick! I'm so close!" It was music to his ears.

    "Scheiße!" Finally, Ludwig collapsed onto the bed. His pale body was covered in a sheen of sweat, his forelock was plastered to his forehead & his glasses were askew on his nose. In Mikhail's mind, he looked absolutely divine, panting & shaking, slick coating his muscular thighs.

    "Sleep now, doktor?" Mikhail brought the man into his arms, nuzzling against his sweaty cheek.

    "Ja, ja," Mikhail felt him swallow, "Ich liebe dich, you really know how to tire me out." One of Ludwig's hands came up to stroke the back of Mikhail's neck. He was still shivering, but was slowly calming down as he lay against Mikhail, soaking up his body heat.

    "я тоже тебя люблю. We go wash & then sleep?"

    Ludwig laughed, "You vill have to carry me, I can't feel my legs."

    "Gladly, doktor." They shared a chaste kiss, laying naked together on Ludwig's rumpled bed sheets, both covered in sweat & spit & other bodily fluids. One of Mikhail's hands was still playing with Ludwig's nipple, & Ludwig was rubbing his thigh against Mikhail's hip, but they were simply basking in each other's presence, in the feel of each other's bodies.

    "Misha, vhy vas Spy looking zhrough my personal belongings?" 

    "Doktor..."

    Ludwig smiled at him so sweetly, so innocently, scratching at his jaw so pleasantly, "I just vant to know, Kuschelbär." Mikhail didn't trust like that.

    "I tell doktor in morning." Ludwig wasn't that stupid.

    "It's already morning, it's 5am."

    Mikhail sucked in a breath through his teeth, unable to meet Ludwig's eyes, "Spy, Engineer, & Sniper offered to learn why doktor was shy around me."

    There was a crease between the doktor's eyebrows, but he was still smiling so disarmingly, "Aha. So it's not just our Spy who has gone zhrough my zhings. I vas vondering vhy Dell became so interested in our relationship, lately." Pearly white canines peeked out from Ludwig's toothy smile, his eyes growing manic. He just killed his friends, didn't he? Oh, they were all in so much trouble.

~~==~~==~~==~~==

    "Jacques Lacroix, Dell Conagher, & Michael Mundy, to me. Right. Now." It shouldn't have been so arousing, but Mikhail still had the image of a naked, panting & shivering Ludwig in his mind, & the doktor was exceptionally attractive when he was acting scary & threatening people. The way he stepped into the common room with such self-assured movements. His hands folding behind his back almost mechanically, gloved fingers digging into his elbows. The click of his heels as he came to a stop before the poker table. The glint of his glasses in the low light, & the curve of his perfectly groomed eyebrows as he smirked down at the three cowering men. Mikhail held the newspaper in front of him in such a way where he hoped no one could notice his boner. 

    "I'm innocent!" Dell didn't get very far, although he tried his best. Ludwig simply was faster, scooping the flailing engineer up as if he weighed nothing at all. Dell's protests immediately died down, & he resorted to laying limply over Ludwig's shoulder.

    "Vell? Anyvone else care to make a run for it?" To Jacques' credit, if anyone out of them had the chance to slip through Ludwig's grasp, it was him. But, alas, the newspaper was yanked out of Mikhail's hands before he could even blink, & came down on top of Jacques' head with an audible 'bap'. It couldn't have hurt him at all, but he was stunned enough to sit back down & stare up at Ludwig.

    "Bloody hell, that's terrifying..." And somehow it was, seeing Ludwig brandish the rolled up newspaper like it was a weapon.

    "Now, ve are going to have a nice, long talk about vhy no one, & I mean no one, is allowed to go zhrough my personal belongings ever again. Let's begin, shall ve?" Mikhail didn't know if he was terrified, or excited, or both at once. Whatever it was, it was definitely worth it if he got to have Ludwig in his bed again. He could already imagine all the things they could get up to. Mikhail was very curious just how much Ludwig could penetrate with his penis, & he was pretty sure he saw a few interesting toys in the doktor's trunk last night too. There had been a conversation about spanking & tying last night as well, & Mikhail so wanted to try his hand at rope art again. And what if...

    "Mikhail, sit, now. Zhis discussion is about you too."

    "Da! I sit!" Jacques gave him a curious look, & Mick sent him a sneaky thumbs up while Ludwig wasn't looking. Dell just looked so dejected.

    Although, here was an idea. Maybe they could try out some ordering around, some dom & sub play? He wondered which one Ludwig would rather be, or if he would prefer to switch. Maybe...

    "Focus!" The newspaper came down onto his bald head, snapping him out of his thoughts. Sex could come later, for now...

    "You four are in big trouble."