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“What?” She breathed.
“You cannot marry him, Pen” Colin replied. “He..”
“He what, Colin? He is a respectable gentleman, who will let me live my own life whilst he lives his. You believe I would be so…so shallow not to allow him to confide in me his deepest secrets".
Colin physically took a step back.
“You have shared……secrets”.
Penelope saw the pain in his eyes.
“Colin” she whispered. “I have to. I cannot stay here anymore, I cannot…..breathe when I am here, it..they suffocate me”, she said, the tears falling freely at her confession.
“So, you would travel with him? But not with me?”
“That’s not fair Colin” she ground out.
“So its my position then? How I am a third born, neither the heir or the spare, isn’t that what Debling said? That I am…..doomed to wander the world, without an aim, without a purpose, without…..” he said scrunching his eyes shut.
“Without?” Penelope encouraged him.
“Does not matter” he said, brushing her off and returning to his pacing a foot away. He caught a glimpse of Penelope’s face and noticed how she looked.
Sad. Resigned. As if the rug had been pulled from under her again. As if she had been let down by yet another male figure in her life.
“Fuck, Penelope” he whispered.
“Isn’t this what you have wanted for me, Colin?” She growled. “Is this not why we have played these ridiculous games, why I’ve made a fool of myself the entire season, and tolerated people’s commen-”.
“Does he make you happy? As I used to?” Colin interrupted. “Do his letters transport you to another world? Allow you feel the sand between your toes as if you were with me on the beach?”.
Penelope was silent.
He did not do any of those things. Yes he made her laugh, and his kisses and embraces made her blush. Those were requirements for marriage, and a stable relationship.
But he didn’t do what Colin did.
He didn’t make her feel what Colin made her feel. He didn’t transport her to another world, with sand between her toes and smell of the sea or imagine the taste of foods so divine she would cry over it.
But she could not let herself be tricked into thinking that way anymore. She needed to be practical. Logical. She needed to marry. She needed security. Debling knew. Debling understood. Debling had his own secrets, but he truly cared for her. It would not be love, Penelope was used to that, but it would be enough.
Just enough.
“Penelope” Colin said, breaking her from her stupor. “You cannot marry him”.
Penelope gasped. “Why not? He is kind, loyal, honest, faithful, he does not leave at a moments notice” she said stepping away as Colin stepped forward. “He will… I will be a Lady” she almost screeched, turning her back and walking away from him.
“Will you Lady Whistledown?”
Penelope froze. Her shoulders taut, her breath held her eyes wide. He knew. He knew this entire time.
“I did know” came a voice behind Colin. Penelope spun round to see Debling behind Colin, looking as if he still cared for her. His eyes fixed on hers as he brushed past Colin to take Penelope’s arm. “I did know, and I still would not say or write a word” he said, his eyes still on Penelope. “You know I wouldn't. Pen” Colin’s eyed widened at Debling's use of her nickname.
At his use of her nickname.
“But I could not love you” Penelope’s eyes flicked to Debling and Colin, who was unable to bear witness to such a moment any longer, stilled.
“I truly am sorry Pen. It would be unfair to….” Debling looked to Colin who nodded slightly. “take you from someone who….”
Debling paused.
“Loves you, Pen” Colin breathed.
“What?” She barely replied.
Colin, on instinct, stepped forward, but Debling signalled him to stay.
“To bind you to my life when you know my…..secret” he blushed and Penelope squeezed his arm in reassurance. “To take you from someone who actually loves you, even if it did” he looked to Colin “take him far too long to recognise it”.
Colin looked away whilst Penelope giggled. As he looked back, he saw Debling hold Penelope to him, and kiss her forehead, saying goodbye.
“I truly do wish you every happiness Penny” he said, reminding her of his nickname for her. With a kiss on her hand and a bow, he stepped away, stepping to a wide eyed Colin.
“If you take too long to recognise anything to do with her ever again, I will know and I shall ride from my country estate to knock some sense into you” he said, with a hand on his shoulder. Colin nodded and giggled. “She is precious Colin, and far more deserving than what this Ton has to offer. Do not let her forget that”.
“I will not” he said looking into Debling’s eyes. “Ever” he said looking back to a tearful Penelope. As he stepped away, bowing slightly and shaking his hand he turned to Penelope again.
“I often wander what Whistledown would write over a situation such as this” Debling winked.
“I can assure you” Penelope replied. “It will be nothing but kind words and understandings” she said, smiling at him. Debling nodded, giving Penelope one last look and walking away, leaving them alone.
They stood in silence for what could have minutes or hours, neither of them knew. Colin’s eyes fixed on Penelope, and Penelope’s on the floor, on the bench, on the stone wall, on the ivy on the stone wall.
Colin approached her slowly, his hands finding her biceps, and squeezing them gently. She stepped forward, her hands on his chest, where he covered them with hers.
Her eyes darted to the left, and she giggled, stepping away from him, but still holding his hand. With a furrowed brow, he followed her, but waited till she stopped and turned to face him, with the happiest look on her face, he had ever seen.
“See” she grinned, looking round her “Now I am tall en-”. But her words were cut off by Colin stalking up to her, and pressing his lips to hers. He cupped her face in his hands and stepped closer to him, kicking the edge of the platform she was standing on.
They continued to kiss for maybe a minute or ten, neither kept count, and when they stopped for air, both Colin and Penelope were a mess.
“Gosh, I’m a mess” she said as a tendrill of her hair fell infront of her face.
“But your my mess” he said, his face in her hands, kissing her forehead and sighing in relief. As he held her to him, he silently thanked Debling for his interference and promised to make sure that Penelope was loved every single day.