Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Day 1

Baxter State Park

Near Mile 0.0

August 26

Her stomach flipped, anxiety bouncing inside like a hive of bees. (Would a hive of bees bounce? She could picture a hornets' nest bouncing, but a bee hive didn't seem like it would.) She checked all around her. Nothing left behind. She double checked her water, took another sip (she was going to have to stop to pee soon anyways), then shoved it back in the pocket. She nervously stretched out her legs one more time. She tugged her socks up, tightened her shoe laces, fixed her sports bra band, then swung her pack up onto her shoulders.  

She wouldn’t carry it far. She was stopping at the ranger hut to drop off her full pack and borrow a small daypack, carrying just what she’d need for this first day. Somehow, her best option was a kid's Batman pack. It felt like a joke? It’s late in the season but it’s not THAT late. She grumbled a little, allowing herself this opportunity to emote in some way before she sucked it up for the next few hours.  

Swap made, there’s nothing to do but walk.  

* 

“That sounds like something you’d do.” 

Of all the responses Rey had expected to get, this – this neutral, milksop, wishy-washy, nothing of a response – had never occurred to her. She’d expected her boss to have more of an opinion about her decision to quit her job, sell what little furniture she had, and go live in the woods for a few months. She knew she hadn’t made a ton of work friends in the past year she’d been working for him – a year as a construction engineer, after two years as a testing engineer, after a year as a design engineer. She’d been restless at work. It’s why she kept moving to different groups. She needed to be up and going. She needed new challenges. She needed to feel tired at the end of the day.  

She’d thought that working on her feet, outside, walking down modules and staffing the Engineering Fix It Now desk would have done that. Instead, it had just made her hot and sweaty and really good at calling people and yelling at them (most problems on a construction site could be solved with a phone call and sounding meaner than the other person, she'd found).  

She’d been working in Arizona, having never made it much farther than the state border after she finally graduated high school and left her miserable foster situation. Her restlessness had led her out to the desert on weekends, trying to find more and more land to eat up with steady, solid steps.  

She stumbled into the hikers. Or rather, the hikers stumbled into her, tripping over the last few steps into a parking lot where, laughing apologies to her, they’d promptly stuck out their thumbs for a ride. 

They were young. About her age. Smelly in a way that Rey didn’t really mind. They had a thick film of dirt on every part of themselves and a lightness that she immediately envied. She’d offered them a ride.  

* 

The trail so far wasn’t that bad, but Rey had guessed from the elevation profile that the first few miles would be pretty nice. She was in the trees still, conveniently keeping most of the rain off of her. She didn’t think she’d see many other hikers today. Who wants to summit Katahdin when the clouds will whiteout the entire view? She wasn’t even sure she’d be able to see the sign once she got there, but time was a luxury she didn’t have.  

Well, she had time. But she didn’t have money. Money, she thought with a little laugh to herself, was critical path here. The limiting factor. She counted her steps for a few minutes, giving her brain a mindless task to occupy it, making it stop counting money (that she didn't have). Her stomach settled into something less terrified and more excited. She felt the urge to hop a little, maybe jog a bit on a nice smooth stretch of trail. If pressed, she might even say she felt giddy. 

She picked up the pace a little, enjoying the light burn in her quads and her glutes as she pressed her body to work harder. This was where she flourished – right in that sweet spot between challenging and punishing.  

* 

She’d gone into town with the hikers, joining them for a beer at a local restaurant. The beer was fine, but the conversation had grabbed her. She couldn’t get it out of her head. For days, she replayed little snippets of what they’d said. 

"I’m Hippo, that’s Chuckles"

"...pack for about 5 days at a time, then just go resupply..."

"...can filter or use drops or tablets but i prefer--"

"All the badass hikers use tarps, honestly."

"...sew it yourself then it’s called MYOG – make your own gear."

"Don’t think you can skip the pee rag, trust me, you’ll want it." 

"...get some trail magic, it’ll turn your whole day around!"

"No one knows anyone’s real name, mostly."

"...just walking for a few thousand miles..."

"Just walk until you get tired."

"It’s just walking."

* 

The birds sounded different here. She knew, logically, that birds in Arizona would be very different from birds in Maine. But still, it was surprising.  

Last night as she’d slept in the campground shelter (the Birches, reserved for thruhikers, sparsely populated with two NoBos who decided to wait another day before finishing their hikes and snored their way through the night) she’d wondered how she’d ever remember all of it. She had over two thousand miles to walk, from Maine all the way down to Georgia. That would be a lot of birds and flowers and rock formations and who knew what else she’d find so strikingly different from what she’d known. 

She stopped to drink some water. She was right on the edge of the treeline, and she knew the trail would turn steep and rocky next. She couldn’t see very far ahead in the thick white clouds, but all she needed was to see the next white blaze, marking the trail she was supposed to follow.  

The fog around her had muffled all the sound, too – at least, that was the only reason Rey could think of to explain how the guy snuck up on her. 

One minute she was standing alone in the woods, the only person awake for two-ish miles; the next, she was spilling water down her chin and watching a man absolutely tear up the trail with his long legs.  

He barely nodded at her as he passed – a little rude, Rey thought, but not terribly rude. His dark hair, wavy and just barely qualifying as 'a little long,' wasn't frizzing at all in the mist. His shorts (appropriate for the month – August, but less appropriate for the weather – chilly and wet) were edging to the short shorts side, and Rey wished that was the reason she disliked him but... the man was a whole meal.  

She brushed the spilled water off of her shirt as best she could, wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, and hiked on. 

* 

Rey had bought a sewing machine at Goodwill. She’d taken one look at the price of new hiking gear and decided it would be fun to learn a new skill anyways. And it was fun. Sewing was surprisingly intuitive for an engineer, and it was easy for her to pick up. She spent a few weeks going from thrift store to thrift store, looking for all the shittiest hiking gear she could find, then she carefully seam-ripped it all and separated it into neat little fabric stashes. 

She made a tarp first. Technically she didn’t need a sewing machine for that, but she sewed it nonetheless. She took it to a park and tried to set it up. Not enough sticks in Arizona. She started looking for a cheap pair of hiking poles. 

* 

The trail didn’t get steep after the treeline, it got vertical. Great, giant boulders. It was basically technical climbing, and Rey could hear her ex-boyfriend's voice in her head the whole time. ‘God, Rey, just plant your fucking foot and climb, quit overthinking it.’ 

So that’s what she did.  

It was, unfortunately, good advice. 

He’d been a real ass the whole time they’d dated and it sucked that he was right about that, but she’d never tell him. She would take that to her grave. 

So the boulders came easy, but the blazes did not. It was hard to see the next white blaze on the rocks, especially with the clouds only moving in thicker. Instead, Rey started looking for the dark blob that would be that guy, the perfect-hair guy, and followed him instead. 

This worked very well for her for a while. She turned off her brain and let instinct take over. She felt like a goddamn mountain goat.  

But then he stopped to drink some water and she had to either wait for him or breeze on past, and her ego would really only allow for one course of action here. 

She kept on walking and immediately missed the next blaze. 

* 

The first pack she made was the ugliest thing in the world. But technically, it worked. It had straps that could fit over her shoulders and it had one large compartment that she could stuff things in, but that was about as functional as it got.  

She found an old blue ikea bag in a supply closet at work and brought it home to cut up. It had a big rip in it anyways.  

Her second pack was better. Her seams were weak. She studied her sewing machine and googled furiously on her work laptop, trying to figure out what was wrong with her tension. 

It took two fanny packs and three stuff sacks for her to figure out it wasn’t the tension. She hadn’t threaded the bobbin correctly. 

* 

Rey knew that she could have purchased the app. She could have downloaded an app onto her phone and it would show her a little arrow on the map of the trail and it would point in whatever direction she was walking, so she’d know if she was lost. 

But the app was like $50 (the app was free, the map for the trail was $50) and it’s not like her phone battery would last that long anyways. It was better, she told herself, to just get AWOL’s guide. It was paper and cheap and good enough.  

Unfortunately for Rey, AWOL’s couldn’t tell her where she’d missed a turn. (Really, saying she missed a turn implied she went right when she should have gone left. But more likely, she went 45 degrees up when she should have gone straight up and over a giant rock.) 

She turned around and tried to recall which of the boulders she’d already seen and which she hadn’t. 

It probably only took her an extra fifteen minutes to get back on trail. If anyone asked (and the only person she could conceive of possibly asking, ever, was the guy with the hair) she’d just say she had to pee. That’s what took her so long. She would never, ever tell anyone she got lost in the first 4 miles of the Appalachian Trail.  

* 

She made a sleeping bag, next. She was getting pretty good at sewing straight lines, so that wasn’t much of a challenge. It was her first time buying new materials though. She bought sheets of synthetic insulation and laid her scrap fabric pieces on either side of it and sewed it right up.  

The colors were unfortunate, but she told herself it looked quirky. Like a quilt, maybe. If a quilt had been made entirely out of the ugliest nylon you could find.  

* 

Her lungs were burning, her hands scratched up, one knee scraped, a tiny twinge in her other, but she was smiling. This was what her body had needed. She caught sight of a moving dark blob and knew she’d caught him. The trail flattened out into a scree field. She picked up the pace even more. 

He stopped again. And this time, he stopped for a while, because somehow they’d ended up at the top of the mountain, right next to the sign that just said “KATAHDIN.”  

Rey felt her breath catch in her throat.  

“Hey,” she said to the guy with the hair. 

“Hello.” He was stiff and formal. He’d set his daypack down and was just standing there, looking at nothing. Maybe he was hoping the clouds would clear? But they could barely see 10 feet in front of them. It was not going to clear up any time soon. 

She stood there nervously for a second. She wanted to snap a picture – the start of her thru hike! - but felt self-conscious trying to do so in front of this guy. He looked like the kind of guy who would agree to take the picture for her, but would shoot it from a weird angle, or cut off the top of her head. She took a sip of water to give herself something to do. 

He cleared his throat. She looked over at him, but he was stretching his calves. 

She squatted down, stretching her lower back out. 

He sat on the ground, hunched over his bent legs, looking at the rocks. 

She twisted side to side. 

He straightened his legs and reached for his toes. 

She was impressed with his flexibility. 

She said fuck it and grabbed her phone out of the pocket of her Batman pack and turned it on. She took a couple of pictures of just the sign, then held out her arm to take a selfie. Rey was not, by nature, a selfie kind of girl, but she also didn’t have a ton of friends, so most pictures she took were selfies. Just because she was always alone. 

He stood and cleared his throat again. 

“I can... do you want me to?” and he made a gesture like he was pressing the shutter button on top of a camera.

Oh, he’s old, she thought. 

* 

The next pack she made was objectively decent. She’d gotten fancy and added two side pockets and a back pocket. She cut up a 2 liter bottle and flattened it and made a plastic frame sheet. She forgot to sew in a pocket for the frame, so she just glued it down after the bag was finished. She took it for a hike, stuffed with her tarp and her sleeping bag and two bottles of water.  

The seams on this one were good. 

* 

“Yeah, actually, if you don’t mind. Doesn’t look like anyone else will be coming up here, though, so, you know... no rush.” She laughed awkwardly.  

He cleared his throat and reached for her phone. 

She handed it to him and then walked to the back of the sign, then climbed up onto the cross bar and stuck out her arms, smiling. 

He took a few pictures, then turned her phone the other way, then stepped to one side or the other to change up the angle. Rey’s arms got tired, so she changed up her pose some. By the time he took the last picture, she had one hand on her head and one on her hip, eyes closed and lips pursed into a kissy face, like some cartoon Betty Boop. She didn’t know what had possessed her.  

He was smiling. 

“That’s the winner, right there,” he said, as he handed back her phone. 

“I could feel it in my bones. Don’t know what came over me. You seemed like a real photographer, changing up the angle and all. Felt like I had to go hard.” 

“My uncle.” 

“What?”

“My uncle is a photographer. He did some portraits and then wildlife and nature stuff, but he’ll... he’ll bring out the camera for family stuff if he thinks it’ll piss someone off enough. I worked with him for a little while, in high school.” 

“Wow, that’s... quite a skill set. I really lucked out, getting a semi-professional slash retired professional photographer to take my Katahdin picture for me.” 

“Well, hopefully one of them will be a good one. It would be really fucking annoying to walk all the way to Maine and have some asshole take a shitty picture of you.” 

“Oh, God, can you imagine? Hope that’s not me in Georgia.” 

“Yea-- oh. Oh, are you going Southbound?” 

“I’m going to be very flattered if you think I look like I’ve just walked here from Georgia. Or maybe very offended, I’m not sure which.” 

“You were booking it up here, yeah. I figured you were either finishing your hike or LASHing or something.” 

“No, just a fan of... walking.” 

“Yeah, me too. Well, usually running, but. Same mechanics.” 

“I figured. Tiny shorts and all. Plus I had to work to catch up with you again, so you were going pretty quick yourself.” They stared at each other, both frozen with near-smiles on their faces. Rey cleared her throat this time. “So... you? Are you going all the way?” 

“Yeah. Southbound.” 

“Ah! Grab your water, let’s toast.” 

“Not to be that guy, but I’m pretty sure it’s bad luck to toast with water.” 

“If you don’t want to be that guy, then don’t say the that guy things.” 

“Fair point.” 

“Cheers! To maybe the last two SoBos out of Maine!”  

“Maybe the two stupidest thru hikers this year.” 

“Stupidest or most badass,” she countered. 

“Maybe one of each.” 

“I know which one I am.” 

“I... can probably guess which one I am, yeah.” They touched their water bottles together – coincidentally, both SmartWater bottles—and each drank a healthy swig. (Not really that much of a coincidence for thru hikers, but still.) 

“Should we take one together? Record this moment for posterity?” 

He laughed. “Yeah, or evidence, maybe.” 

“That is... a very awkward thing to say to a woman hiking alone while you’re on top of a remote mountain, above tree line.” 

“Yeah I didn’t... I didn’t hear that in my head before I said it.” He shrugged. “I told you I knew which one I was.” 

“Knowing is half the battle, they say.” 

She went back behind the sign and held her phone out to him again. “You’ve got longer arms and the professional skills.” He stood next to her, long arm extended. He was using the back facing camera to take a selfie. Rey was more impressed than she felt like she should have been. 

He handed her phone back to her, and she pulled up the pictures. They looked good together. He was tall and broad and she looked surprisingly tiny next to him. But they were happy. They looked strong and athletic and capable. They were smiling. He had a great smile. His hair looked better than her hair.  

“Impressive work with the back camera. Thanks!"

“No problem.” 

They stood there in silence.  

“Sorry, do you want me to take a picture for you?” Rey finally asked. 

“Oh, no, I actually left my phone in my pack at the ranger station by accident.” 

“Oh shit,” she laughed, “that sucks. Come on, I’ll take it on my phone. I’m sure we’ll run into each other again, if not tonight. Are you staying at the Birches?” 

“No, I reserved a shelter. I don’t sleep great. Helps to not be so close to other people.” 

“Honestly that was the smart move. Couple of chainsaws in there. Ok, go stand by the sign and smile. I’m sure you have an adorable mother or girlfriend or something who’s going to be mad if you don’t take a picture up here.” 

“No.” 

“...no?” 

“I mean, yes, my mother will be mad. But no, I don’t have a girlfriend.” 

“Well, let me take it for your mother then.” 

He stood next to the sign and posed, a little awkwardly. Rey snapped a few more as he hopped off the support beam and walked back towards her. He looked like a fucking model. His mom didn’t need to see those, necessarily, but Rey was sure someone would appreciate them. Maybe Rey would.

“Got it.” 

“Thanks.” 

“Sure.” 

Rey looked around at the thick white fog enveloping them. “I feel bad not sitting here and appreciating the view, but it’s a real shit view.” 

“Not the best day to summit.” 

“Nope.” 

They looked at the lack of view, awkwardly. 

“Well. Time to head back down, I guess. Feels a little anti-climactic.” Rey bent down to grab her Batman pack. 

“You know, I thought I was going crazy hiking up here. I kept thinking I saw a bat through the mist. But it was just your fucking backpack.” 

“Oh, yeah? This was my best choice at the ranger station.” 

“It glows in the dark.” 

“What?” 

“The little bat. It glows in the dark, but it wasn’t dark enough for me to tell that’s what it was. I thought I was going crazy," he explained as he bent down to pick up his daypack. 

“What... what did you think you were seeing?” Rey asked. 

“I don’t know. Like a ghost?” 

“A ghost on the Appalachian Trail? That looked faintly bat-shaped?” 

“I don’t think most ghosts are... logically shaped, are they? I mean, where did round top, straight sides, zig zag bottom come from? That’s not a shape occurring in nature.” 

“Do you feel like the ghosts you see on Scooby Doo are realistic? Like an actual ghost would be shaped like Casper?” 

“I think we’re missing the real crux of the argument here, which is: in a world where there are ghosts haunting the Appalachian Trail, whether they are shaped like a human, a sheet over a child, or a cartoon bat is kind of irrelevant. At that point we’re in a different universe already and all bets are off.” 

“I’d like to agree with you, but just need to clarify: are you saying you don’t believe in ghosts, or you do believe in ghosts, but not on the Appalachian Trail?” 

“I honestly have no idea at this point. If ghosts were real, do you think they would be bound to the laws of... evolution? Biology? Like what the fuck kind of science would be the framework for ghost existence and... corporeality?” 

“I’m no English major, but I don’t think that’s a word.” 

“Well I am an English major, and yeah, that's a word.” 

“I’m going to write that down and google it when I get service again. Trust, but verify.” Rey pulled out the little golf pencil and notebook she always kept with her on the construction site and wrote down: ‘corporeality? Ghost bodies?’ 

“I feel like I should introduce myself, but at the same time, has it been too long? Did we miss the window of opportunity to exchange names, and now we just have to be ‘hey you’ to each other?” He was behind her now. At some point they'd started walking back down the trail together.

“Depends. We could just be ‘hey you’ until we get trail names.” 

“That’s where I put my foot down. No trail names for me.” 

“Should have known the giant would be anti-fun.” 

“What does being a giant have to do with being anti-fun?” 

“Wasn’t Jack’s giant notoriously anti-fun?” 

“I feel like the rhyming thing would make him, by definition, a little fun.” 

“Hmm. Maybe.” 

“I’m Ben.” 

“I’m Rey.” She thought for a second, then continued, “I’m pretty sure that Goliath, at least, was very against slingshots, and those are commonly sold in the toy aisle.” 

"But David was using the sling-shot as a weapon, with intent to maim or cause grievous bodily harm, up to and including (and succeeding at) death. The evidence is silent on Goliath's fun opinions... his funpinions, if you will. But points instead to a victim of crime who wasn't against fun, just against being killed by an unknown assailant. For all we know, Goliath fucking loved sling-shots, as long as they weren't aimed at him."

“What are you, some kind of fun-police lawyer?” 

“My father would say yes.” 

Chapter Text

Day 2 

Baxter State Park

SoBo Mile 5.1 

August 27

They walked the entire 5 miles together, back to the campground. They stopped at the Ranger Hut together and swapped back to their actual backpacks. They walked across the stream bridge together, hesitating when it became obvious that Ben’s reserved shelter was in the opposite direction of The Birches. 

“Well. Thanks. For taking the pictures and all. That was a good start, I think.” 

“Yeah, for sure,” Ben replied, nodding. “Any time.” 

“Are you planning on hiking out today?” 

“No. I’ve still – I've got another night on my reservation here.” 

“Smart. Good planning ahead.” 

“Were you planning on hiking out?” Ben asked. 

“Considered it. Depends on how full the Birches is.” 

“Ah.” 

Rey glanced around. “Looks pretty empty. I guess I’ll cook some food and see who shows up.” 

“Right, food. Good idea. Well, I’ll... I’ll see you, I guess. I’m sure we’ll bump into each other soon enough. Only one way out tomorrow.” 

Rey nodded. “For sure. Yeah. So...I’m this way.” 

Ben pointed the other direction. “I’m over here, if you, uh, need someone to take more pictures or anything.” 

“Ha, thanks. I’ll let you know.” 

* 

The Birches was completely empty. Rey cooked a packet of ramen and set up her sleeping gear in the shelter. She scooted all the way to the back wall, so she could sit up against it. Sipping a mug of tea, she pulled out her golf pencil and her guidebook. She circled Katahdin at the top of the page and next to it, wrote ‘Ben, SoBo.’ 

It would be good, she thought, to keep track of the important things.  

* 

She didn’t see him again that night, though she looked for him as she walked to the stream to fill up her water. She had been the only hiker staying at the Birches. She didn’t mind being alone. 

Rey woke before sunrise. She knew she would. Construction sites started early. Most of her coworkers got to the office by 6:15am. She had routine meetings scheduled for 6:45am. She didn’t believe in wasting time, so once she was up, she was up. In the light of her headlamp, she could see her gear was... everywhere. Like her pack had exploded. 

She chastised herself for being so messy – hadn't that been a common complaint about her, growing up in borrowed space? -- and packed everything up quickly. She hiked out without breakfast. She firmly believed that breakfast – like everything good – needed to be earned with hard work.  It tasted better that way. 

Rey let her body set the pace. It was relaxing, to focus only on the next step, lifting her feet high enough, balancing her pack. She didn’t have to think any harder than that. She pushed a little faster, glancing down at her $4 Walmart watch to note the time. It was 2.3 miles from the Birches to Daicey Pond. She’d calculate her speed when she got there.  

*** 

Day 2 

Baxter State Park

SoBo Mile 5.3 

August 27 

Ben woke at 7am, like he had most days for the past several years. At home, it gave him time for a quick run and breakfast before showering and heading in to the office – either home or actual office, depending on the day. He’d read a study once that maintaining the same sleep schedule every day could help you live 5 years longer. He’d considered this. It wasn’t the strongest research, but there weren’t many downsides, so he’d tried it for three weeks. He didn’t track anything, but at the end of three weeks he’d found he slept better, so he made it a habit. 

Ben enjoyed researching, processing facts. He couldn’t be such a successful lawyer if he didn’t. But at the end of the day, his gut rarely led him astray, so he had no problem being impulsive and making decisions intuitively. He didn’t think anyone with Han Solo’s genetic material was capable of logic and reason 100% of the time.  

Both of his parents believed in enjoying the better things in life – though their definitions of ‘better’ varied widely – so he boiled water and pulled out his Aeropress. He’d considered bringing a coffee grinder and whole beans, but the extra weight wasn’t worth it. At least not yet. He’d see how it went. If he was miserable without his fresh ground coffee, he could always ask Hux to mail his grinder to him at the next town. 

He sipped his coffee slowly, eating a nutrition bar and a handful of nuts. It took him some time to fully wake up in the morning, and he allowed himself that luxury, even when hiking. He didn’t think anyone with Leia Organa’s genetic material was capable of sacrificing all luxuries. 

* 

“I don’t think cashmere will hold up well in the woods.” Ben had expected exactly this reaction when he’d told Hux he was quitting his job.  

“There are reasonable synthetic options.” 

“Is this a mid-life crisis?” 

“I doubt I’m considered mid-life, Hux. Crisis seems a little melodramatic, but are you actually enjoying anything you do here?” 

“Who told you that you should enjoy your job? That’s what the money is for.” 

“I don’t think you’re supposed to be this miserable, though.” 

“Honestly, Solo, I’m shocked that you have this many...feelings. I had money on you being a robot. What changed? Meet a girl? Health scare? Wizened old crone?” 

“Sometimes things just happen, Hux. Doesn’t have to be a reason.” 

Of course, there had been a reason. He’s seen his parents. They all have dinner together, once a quarter. Three months meant there was enough to catch up on that conversation for the length of dinner was covered.  

But at the 3Q dinner, his mother had casually mentioned that his Uncle Chewie was recovering well. 

“Recovering from what?” he’d asked, with a little more intensity than he’d intended. 

“His surgery,” his mother had replied, blithely. 

“What surgery, mother? You never told me he had surgery.” 

“Oh, I’m sure I mentioned it to you. He had a mild heart attack, that’s all. He’s fine now.” 

Ben had accepted it, at the time, but it rattled around in his brain. He wasn’t ready to face his family’s mortality. It hadn’t been long enough. 

* 

He expected to see Rey at some point that morning. They hiked at similar speeds, which was nice. He wouldn’t mind talking to her some more. He still needed to get that picture from her, because she was right; his mother would be mad if he didn’t send her a picture from Mile 0.0. 

Ben tightened the straps on his pack, set his watch to start recording, and headed south. Ben paced himself off his watch as he hiked. It was something he enjoyed, and it kept him from hiking too fast or too slow and being surprised at dusk. It wasn't that he hated surprises, but why push harder than you have to? Ben had a goal in mind for that afternoon – he planned to stop at Hurd Brook Lean-To, giving him a nice 13 mile day. Very reasonable for him. The elevation profile looked flat, so he knew he’d have no problem.  

It was still chilly and wet, so Ben had opted to wear his olive green hiking pants. They weren’t so thick that he’d be sweating once he got going, but they’d keep some of the mud off his legs and stay a little dryer than the running shorts he’d had on the day before. It felt nice, really, to be able to switch between shorts and pants depending on the weather.  

By lunch, Ben hadn’t passed any other southbounders, but there’d been a steady trickle of northbounders heading to Katahdin. He nodded as they walked past each other, or he waited at the side of the trail as a trail family of 3 or 4 trudged on.  

They were all on their last 15 miles of trail. Ben studied their faces as they walked. Some looked miserable – barely picking up their feet. Others were excited, shouting randomly as they hiked. He wondered how he would feel when he got to Georgia. 

* 

His father had told him to have fun. His mother had told him she was glad he quit his job, but she’d rather he just went camping with them. They could take the Falcon, travel anywhere in the US.  Reconnect.

Han said that was a terrible idea, the Falcon was perfect for two people and no more. Ben agreed. He suspected the reason for their agreement was the same (Han and Leia were still very much in love) though the motivation was likely different.

His mother had told him they’d come pick him up if he needed to come home, if he got tired of hiking or got hurt. If he wanted to quit.

Ben had never failed at anything in his life. He’d barely even quit anything – quitting his job had been the first exception to that in a long time. When Ben committed to something, he committed for good.  

*** 

Day 3 

Hurd Brook Lean-To

Mile 18.6 

Rey had arrived at the shelter in the early afternoon. There were a few northbound hikers in the shelter itself, so she poked around for a good tentsite. She'd set up her tarp, cooked some ramen, and retreated to her bed to drink tea and think. She’d fallen asleep early – the late summer sun in Maine stayed out so long, she wondered if night would ever come. A benadryl had helped. If she’d stayed awake longer she just would have gotten hungry again. Now that she was in the Hundred Mile Wilderness, she had to be careful not to run out of food. There were options to resupply in the middle, but she couldn’t afford it – not the food or the delivery. She’d need to stick to her mileage plan and only eat the calories she had allotted for this section of trail. So she slept. And in the morning, all the still-sleeping northbound thru-hikers heard from her was the zip-zip-ziippp as she got out of her patchwork sleeping bag and packed up. 

She was gone when the sun broke through the trees. 

* 

The easiest way to survive a terrible living situation is to learn to fall asleep very, very quickly. Rey could sleep through most anything – yelling, broken plates, slamming doors. If she concentrated for just a few minutes, then cleared her head, she’d be out like a light.  

The trick was to know that she’d already done everything she could. Sometimes she wasn't sure she'd done enough, and then it was hard to empty her mind, quiet the worries. She lived her life by very precise calculations. The more she could control her life, the better things went. So she calculated the exact mileage she had to drive each week. She calculated her exact grocery bill by planning exactly what she would eat each day, each calorie working and nothing wasted. Just exactly as much as she needed, and nothing else.  

She appreciated the control she got with sewing as well. She could include exactly the features that were important to her and nothing she thought was useless. She carefully weighed every item in her pack on a postage scale. When she cut out the material for her backpack, she’d measured exactly how long the shoulder strap webbing needed to be for her body. She allowed one inch extra, for seam allowance. 

Living with such precision didn’t leave her... happy. But on the other hand, she knew she wouldn’t starve and she knew she could always pay rent, and wasn’t that its own kind of happiness? 

Chapter Text

Day 4 

Nahmakanta Lake

Mile 40.7 

At his lunch break on day 4, Ben met another SoBo. He’d been enjoying the solitude of an actual campground, with picnic tables and pit toilets that actually provided toilet paper, when a backpack dropped to the ground next to his feet. 

He’d looked up into the grinning face of another hiker. 

“Hey!” he’d said, as Ben slowly adjusted to realizing there was another human next to him. “Are you going all the way?” 

“Pardon?” Ben asked. 

“You know, going all the way? To Georgia? Or Maine? Hard to tell which direction you’re headed when you aren’t walking, but you look clean enough that I'm guessing Georgia. Am I right?” 

Ben knew he would regret engaging in conversation, but if he wanted to really change his life, make quitting his job worth it, he probably needed to channel the extraversion he’d found so natural in college and law school. 

“Yeah, Georgia. What about you?” 

“Oh hell yeah, another SoBo! Mind if I join you?” 

This felt like a crucial turning point to Ben. He weighed the potential consequences carefully, then thought ‘fuck it’ and said sure. 

The hiker sat down, pulled out his food, and started eating.  

“So, you talk first? I talk first? You’re the first SoBo I’ve met on trail, and so far the NoBos are all a bunch of assholes. Feel like I’m losing all conversational ability out here, you know?” 

Ben laughed awkwardly. He couldn’t really relate. He could easily go a few days without talking to anyone. He’d downloaded a few good books on his phone and was more than content to pass the time reading about some war or another.  

“First SoBo you’ve seen? So you didn’t pass Rey?” The words were out of his mouth before he even realized it. 

Fuck. 

“Rey? No, just you. I’m Poe, by the way.” 

“Ben.” 

“Where you from, Ben?” 

“Massachusetts, mostly, but lived in New Hampshire for a while. You?” 

“A Masshole, huh? Don’t worry, I’m easy to get along with. I’m from Chicago, so... not like we’re known for our gentle manners, you know? So who’s Rey? Should I have seen him?” 

“Her. I met her on Katahdin the other day. Figured I’d have seen her by now, but she must be ahead of us.” 

“Ah, indulging in a little pink-blazing already?” 

Ben knew what this meant. He’d spent plenty of time researching trail culture and slang. He’d be more offended by the implication that he was chasing after a girl, but the fact that he’d asked about her so quickly kind of weakened his argument. 

“Nah, nothing like that. She’s not -” Ben had meant to say, ‘not interested in me,’ or perhaps ‘not an appropriate age for me to date, probably,’ or even ‘not an obsession, just the sole other person I know hiking south right now.’ He said none of those things. “She’s not anything to me. Just another hiker.” 

There was no good way to backtrack that, so Ben just mentally slapped his palm to his face and took comfort in the fact that she wasn’t there to hear him say that. 

Poe raised his eyebrows. “Well now that we’ve established that, did you get the shittiest view from Katahdin like I did, or did God smile upon your face and make you his-slash-her chosen one?” 

***

Day 5 

Antlers Campsite

Mile 51.7 

The campsite had been stunning when she’d arrived yesterday. Her guidebook told her this was Lower Jo-Mary Lake but she thought it was pretty close to perfect. All of the tent sites were spread out, so she had no one near her. There were a few clusters of tents scattered around the campsite, but they all seemed to be NoBos. None of them looked like Ben, not even from a distance. 

So she’d scooped up her water and dropped in the little chlorine tablet and sat down to eat her ramen bomb and two honeybuns, made her cup of tea, and watched the sun go down.  

She had woken up stiff and sore. She was fit, for sure, but it was hard to train for Maine’s terrain when you live in Arizona. It was all those little tiny muscle fibers, the ones for stabilizing and balancing and navigating around endless rocks and roots. They were the issue.  

But it was a small issue, and one she never minded. It meant she was getting stronger, and that was always a good feeling.  

She stopped for breakfast after an hour or so of walking. She sat on a log and stared at the water in front of her, watching some otters play around. She chewed methodically and let her mind wander. Honestly, that’s all her mind had been doing. She did math at every break and every night, calculating distances and times and making sure she’d have enough food to get through the hundred mile at this pace (she would; she’d double and triple checked the math). 

She took a deep breath. She felt... content. At the edges, maybe, she thought there was something warm that might even be joy. 

* 

She’d started dating a guy, a few months into her exploration of backpacking. He had been a Boy Scout and said he was very experienced at backpacking, so they’d gone on an overnight trip together. The trail hadn’t been the problem. It wasn’t a great trail, and the views were pretty bland, but it was fine. The problem had been him. Every time her foot slipped on a rock, or gravel slipped out from under her, or she stumbled on a root she hadn’t seen, he turned around (he was in the lead, because of course he was in the lead) and asked her, in the most condescending voice, “You ok?” 

It was infuriating. His pace was too slow for her. She felt like she was biting at his heels, trapped behind him and his endless checking in. ‘You ok?’ She could hear it in her head when she closed her eyes to sleep. 

Objectively, it was good to check in on your hiking partner and make sure they weren’t injured. But if she’d been injured, she would have said something. (Probably.) She was just...sloppy, dragging her feet, plodding along after him.  

He hadn’t been nearly as experienced as he’d claimed. Even Rey could tell that. It took him forever to set up his tent. Rey had her little tarp up in minutes, all the lines perfectly tensioned, plastic groundsheet underneath with her pack sitting there, ready for her to finish setting up her sleep system.  

He hadn’t changed the batteries in his headlamp, so they shared Rey’s. He forgot hand sanitizer, so they shared Rey’s. He forgot a lighter, so he borrowed Rey’s. And when Rey pulled out her stove and tiny bottle of liquid fuel, he laughed. 

“You can’t cook on a stove made out of beer cans, Rey.” 

“Didn't you take thermodynamics?” 

“There’s no way that’s safe.” 

“It is if you’re careful.” 

“It’ll take forever for your water to boil.” 

“It doesn’t need to boil, just get hot. And it’s not that long, I have a windscreen.” 

“Rey. Did you make that windscreen from more beer cans?? Wow. Just buy a stove like a normal person.” 

It was at that point that he’d realized the fuel canister he was trying to light (with Rey’s lighter) was empty. He’d asked Rey to heat up some extra water for him.  

They had both survived the weekend unscathed, though the burgeoning relationship did not. Rey didn’t go out with him again. 

The next time she went backpacking, she went by herself again. And she loved it. 

* 

Rey stood up and brushed her hands off on the seat of her shorts. Breakfast over, back to hiking. She’d only walked a few minutes when a hiker sitting to the side of the trail called out to her. It looked like his pack had exploded on the ground around him. 

“Hey! Are you a SoBo?” 

Rey paused to reply. “Yeah.” 

“Me too! There aren’t a lot of us. Feels like we really have to stick together while we’re in the NoBo bubble, you know?” 

“Oh… sure.” 

“There’s just so many of them. I was at a shelter last night and this one trail family was talking and I don’t know if they thought I was asleep or what, but this one guy started saying stuff like, ‘Oh, those SoBos are like little cockroaches scrambling everywhere,’ and ‘they don’t know how to hike,’ and like, ‘all they’re good for is to get beta on water sources.’ So rude.” 

“That is rude.” Rey watched as he stuffed little zipped bags and a jacket and a pringles can and another jacket back into his pack. He was messy, too. He didn’t seem bothered by it, though. 

“Anyways, I’m Finn and I have no idea what I’m doing, so that guy wasn’t wrong about that at least.” 

“I’m Rey. New to thru-hiking?” 

“New to hiking! I’d never spent the night outside before I started. Never set up a tent or anything.” 

“Wow,” Rey said, stunned. “How’s that… how’s it been going for you, then?” 

“Awful,” he replied cheerfully. “I want to cry almost all of the time. I decided to not think about it. I’m kind of stuck for now. Have to at least make it out of the Hundred Mile and to…whatever is at the other end of it.” 

“Monson.” 

“Huh, really?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Ok, well, I have to at least make it to Monson because there’s no good way to get out of here.” He stood with his hands on his hips, looking around him at the trees and pond. “But who knows, maybe by the time I get there I’ll actually love it.” 

“You could,” Rey found herself saying. “It's just walking. I can help you.” 

“Really? That would be… man, that would be really great.” He beamed at her, and Rey felt proud of herself for offering to help. She could make friends.

He shouldered his pack and started to walk.  

“Whoa, hang on. You need to adjust those straps, they’re not doing anything for you,” Rey said. “Let’s get you sorted, first. Then we’ll hike.” 

Finn grinned at her. “Good plan.”  

Rey smiled back. 

***

Day 5 

Mahar Landing

Mile 45.5 

Poe, as it turned out, was also a man who enjoyed the finer things in life, though he wasn’t quite in the same tax bracket as Ben. That didn’t matter.  

What did matter was that Poe enjoyed a nice cup of coffee in the morning, and he’d enthusiastically accepted Ben’s offer of real coffee as they both hung their legs off the edge of the shelter.

“Damn, Ben. This is good shit here.” 

“I take my coffee seriously.” 

“I can tell. I’m a little surprised you aren’t grinding your beans fresh though.” 

“I considered it. Still might change my mind. For now this is good enough.” 

They sat in silence for a moment. It didn’t bother Ben, but Poe seemed antsy. 

“So what do you do when you’re not hiking?” 

“What’s my job? I’m a lawyer.” 

“Oh. Cool.” Poe took a sip of coffee.  

“What about you?” 

“I’m a pilot, actually. Got out of the Air Force recently and wasn’t ready to get back to the grind, as they say. Thought this would be a nice break.” 

Ben’s face had lit up at this. His father, of course, was a pilot. And Ben had started on his pilot’s license when he’d been younger but didn’t keep up with it while he was in college. He never found the time, after that. 

But he’d certainly spent plenty of time in the cockpit of Han’s Cessna, enough to be able to have a real conversation with Poe. 

As they set off hiking together, Ben didn’t mind letting Poe walk first, though it was a little slower than Ben would have hiked. He thought it was nice, maybe, talking to Poe while hiking. Almost as nice as it had been hiking back down from Katahdin. With Rey. 

***

Day 9 

Big Wilson Cliffs Stealth Site

Mile 106.9 

By their fourth day hiking together, Rey and Finn had established a routine. 

Rey woke up early – although she woke with the sun now, not an hour beforehand. She packed up and headed out.  

Finn usually woke up while Rey was packing. They’d talk a little, but mostly Rey just told him goodbye and started hiking. She stopped an hour or so later to eat breakfast, and some days Finn caught up with her then and sometimes he didn’t. If he did, they’d hike together for an hour or so, and then Finn would tell her to go on ahead, and she’d hike on her own at her faster pace. She always stopped for lunch, however, at the place she and Finn had picked the night before, looking at the guidebook and elevation profile, Rey calculating their average pace. Sometimes she had a long wait for Finn, but yesterday it hadn’t been but a few minutes. At lunch they’d decide on a stopping point for the day. Sometimes they’d walk there together, and sometimes they’d split up, and Rey would have her tarp set up and water heating when Finn would come into the shelter.  

This morning, however, Rey waited for Finn. They only had three miles to the road crossing where they’d head into town to resupply. 

“Ok,” he said, as he stuffed the last of his gear into his pack, “but what I don’t understand is what you do if you’re not the one doing the hammering or whatever, and you’re not the one doing the design drawing things… what’s left?” 

Finn had been trying to understand what Rey did for a living the entire morning.  

“I think you’re focusing too much on the job title. Engineer is there just because they want you to have that degree. Otherwise there’s no engineering, you just, like… make sure people are still doing what they’re supposed to be doing.” 

“Like what?” 

“Well, ok, so first I check through all the reports that were written the day before, see if there’s anything that I think could be a bigger issue. Stuff like ‘stuck stud at module whatever,’ or ‘design drawing said this elevation, but oops, we actually did this elevation.’ Then if I think it’s an issue I go find out more and then get ready to answer questions about it from people who yell louder than me. Then I sit in this little trailer where anyone in the field can bring little questions, like this drawing doesn’t match this drawing, or this spec sheet doesn’t match the parts we have. And then I try to tell them what to do about it.” 

“So it could be ‘construction nanny’ or something?” 

“Yes, exactly.” 

“And you enjoy doing this job.” 

“I… do not. I enjoy the paycheck and the idea of it, but it’s not personally fulfilling or anything. I didn’t get my engineering degree just to yell at people on the phone all day.” 

“Which is why you quit.” 

“Which is part of why I quit.” 

“And the other part is because you’re a masochist who wanted to torture herself with two thousand miles of walking?” 

“Yeah, basically. I wouldn’t say I’m a masochist or anything, but I appreciate a good challenge. I was restless, you know?” 

“I do not.” 

“Ok, I know you said you decided to thru hike the AT because of some guy you met right after that asshole dumped you—” 

“Thanks for that reminder.” 

“—but what made that decision for you? Didn’t you feel some… some urge to just walk and not stop?”  

“No.” 

“You didn’t feel like… like you were being wasting your life, waiting for something to happen?” 

“Not really. It’s a lot more embarrassing than that.” 

“Well now you have to tell me.” 

“The guy… the guy I met at that bar, when I was shitfaced and drowning my sorrows–“ 

“Even though you’re objectively better off without the asshole.” 

“—even though it wasn’t the worst thing that could have happened, that guy was so hot. Rey, he was… the hottest guy I’d ever seen. He was just so cool and confident and like dripping with sex appeal.” 

“And you slept with him?” 

“God no, I wish. No, the thing is, he mentioned he was going to hike the trail this summer.” 

“Finn, no.” 

“Yes. Yes, Rey, I decided to quit my shitty office job and buy a bunch of stuff and book a last minute flight to Maine on the off chance that I saw him on trail.” 

“That’s… that’s incredible, Finn.” 

“Incredibly stupid.” 

“Brave.” 

“Foolhardy, and that’s the best I can do.” 

“Agree to disagree. What was his name? We need to check the shelter logs and see if he’s signed in at any of them. Maybe he’s just a few days ahead of us!” 

“That’s the thing. I don’t really remember his name. I’m pretty sure he told me, but it was loud in there and I was *very* drunk.” 

“Huh. But he lives in your town, right?” 

“That’s the other thing. I distinctly remember him telling me he didn’t, he’d just dropped off the stuff he didn’t want to sell with a friend who was going to store it for him.” 

“Ok. So this is it. If you want to find this guy again you’re going to have to keep hiking.” 

“I know,” Finn groaned, “isn’t that awful?” 

“It’s not so bad,” Rey grinned. “This will add a nice little side quest to the hike. Walk to Georgia and also help Finn find the hot guy from the bar. How hard can it be?” 

Chapter Text

Day 9 

Long Pond Stream Lean-To

Mile 99.6 

“I’m dying for real food,” Poe moaned, scraping his pot for the last of his oatmeal. 

“Oatmeal is real food,” Ben pointed out.  

“I mean greasy food. Fried food. Pizza. Butter. Steak. Ground beef. Real food.” 

“Well you’re in luck. We’ll make it to Monson today.” 

“Shower! Real food! Real bed!!” Poe sang out, rinsing his pot with water and drinking the dregs of watery oatmeal. “I’m not sure which I want first.” 

“I’d like to encourage you to go for the shower first,” Ben replied dryly. “And laundry.” 

“Fair point, Ben. What about you? Craving town food yet?” 

Ben considered this. “I wouldn’t say no to a steak or a big salad, but otherwise I feel pretty good.” 

“I wonder if the hostel will be all NOBOs or if we’ll meet some new SOBOs there,” Poe said, packing up his food bag and stuffing it into his pack. 

“It’s possible,” Ben agreed, “There’s at least one SOBO either right behind us or just ahead of us.” 

“Oh, right,” Poe said, “what was her name again?” 

“Rey.” 

“Rey. Fingers crossed for you, buddy.” 

“No, Poe, it’s not – there’s no reason to cross any fingers. There’s no wink wink, nudge nudge going on.” 

“Sure,” Poe said, winking and nudging, “I believe you buddy.” 

“Fuck off, Poe,” Ben replied, rolling his eyes and hiding a smile at the teasing. Maybe he was enjoying having a friend (at least, a friend he talked to more than Hux). “Get your shit together. It looks like we either have to hitchhike, call ahead, or wait for these specific pickup times to get to the hostel. We’ve got about ten miles or so to the road crossing, so we should make it there before the last pickup.” 

“I guess that means we need to get moving. Time waits for no one and all that,” Poe said, swinging his pack onto his shoulders and hitching it up to buckle his hipbelt. 

“Time and tide,” Ben corrected absently, doing the same. 

“What?” 

“Time and tide wait for no man.” 

“What does laundry have to do with time?” 

Ben shook his head. “Poe, for today’s eleven mile hike, let me share with you everything I learned about Chaucer during my four years as an English major. We’ll start with Canterbury Tales.” 

Ben cleared his throat dramatically. Poe groaned. 

“'Whan that Aprill with his shoures soote, the droghte of March hath perced to the roote, And bathed every veyne in swich licour'—now, Poe, pay attention, this is just the General Prologue. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover.” 

*** 

Day 9 

~Mile 114.7

Monson, Maine 

Rey watched the mud and sweat from the past nine days wash off her body and drain away. She lathered the shampoo in her hair like she was getting paid for it. She could feel all the grittiness rinsing away. 

She took stock of her body as she dried off. Her legs had some cuts and scrapes, but nothing bad enough for a bandage. Feet were ok; so far only minor blisters, nothing big enough to be an issue. 

The hipbelt on her pack had left bruises over her hip bones. Without a commercial sewing machine, it had been difficult to get enough padding sandwiched between the fabric. She touched one bruise gingerly. Tender, but not painful. Maybe she could find some glue and foam and add a little extra cushion. 

Her shoulders were also tender, right where the straps of her backpack curved over them. The outside edge of her collarbone also had some shadowing. Rey pressed a finger into it. Not painful. Not worth worrying about. 

Her legs and arms were tan, freckles popping on her face and trailing down her shoulders and arms. She probably needed to reapply her sunscreen more often, but maybe she could just get a hat. 

Turning to check her backside, Rey saw the purple bruise from a slip coming down Gulf Hagas Mountain. Her foot had just flown out from under her, like she’d stepped on a banana peel. Stunned, she’d sat perfectly still on the ground for a moment until she and Finn had burst out into uncontrollable laughter. She’d pulled her shorts down to have him check for any immediate injuries, joking that they were really taking their relationship to the next level. It was getting better now, though. It would be gone in a few days. 

The little twinges of muscles, sore and tight, that was still there. She’d have to go to the porch and stretch. 

Pulling on the borrowed t-shirt and shorts she’d taken from the hostel’s closet, Rey stepped out into the hall and slipped outside to grab the rest of her laundry – two more pairs of socks, a bandana, her pee rag, her leggings. Finn had chosen to stay in the larger bunkhouse, but Rey had decided the $15 fee to camp was steep enough for her. She’d pitched her tent on the large grassy lawn. It would have been nice to sleep in a bed, but it’s not like sleeping outside again would kill her. She’d only been out there nine days, after all. She’d slept on the floor for a year and a half once. 

She went inside to find Finn and grab his laundry, then started a load to wash. 

* 

 The summer before she had started college had been... difficult. Plutt had allowed her to stay with him, but since he was no longer paid by the state, she worked in his garage for free. To ‘cover room and board,’ he’d said.  

A real lemon of a deal for Rey, considering that every time he got mad at her for something he locked her out. She slept on the front porch more than a few times that summer. He’d only done that once or twice when she was in high school. That summer it was more like once a week.  

Without school, her access to food five days a week was also cut. She had depended on those free school lunches. She managed, though, even when her work got sloppy and Plutt got mad at her for her shaking hands and spotty vision. It became habit for her, standing slowly and waiting for a few seconds, eyes closed, hand on a wall or chair or whatever she could find, for the room to right itself again. 

She’d hated the hunger. She hadn’t minded sleeping outside, most of the time. It was quiet and smelled fine, maybe better than inside the house. Plutt lived next to the garage, so it was all fenced in and locked every night. She could curl up in a chair or sit on the ground and lean against the wall, it didn’t matter. She knew how to sleep no matter where she was. 

The tent would be fine.  

*** 

Day 9 

~ Mile 114.7

Monson, ME 

They didn’t end up needing to wait for the last pickup from the hostel; Ben stuck out his thumb and the third vehicle driving by pulled over to give them a lift. Ben and Poe had tossed their packs into the back of the truck and climbed into the cab. 

Arriving at Shaw’s Hostel, Poe had chosen to book a bunk in the larger communal room. Ben, of course, had asked if there were any private rooms left. 

“We have a yurt still open, actually, in the tenting field,” the owner had told him. 

“A yurt?” 

“Yeah, giant tent thing, but it’s got a real bed and a fan and electricity and lights and stuff. You just have to walk outside to get to it and use the porta-potty in the yard. Or I guess come inside. But otherwise it’s pretty nice.” 

Ben had paid for the yurt. 

After a shower and laundry and sorting out what was left in his bear canister and what he’d need to replace, Ben wandered back into the main house to find Poe. Checking the most obvious places first, he eventually saw the dark head of curls in one of the smaller parlors. 

“Oh, there you are. You planning on heading into town?” 

“Ben! Yeah, just checking up on real world news. Give me a second to reply to a few emails and then I’ll be ready?” 

“Sure thing,” Ben said, as he wandered over to a bookcase stuffed with very well-loved paperbacks. He pulled out one without a cover or, he discovered while thumbing through it, the first 50 pages. 

“Oh, sorry,” he heard, as a head poked into the room. Ben’s head snapped up. 

“Rey!” 

The head popped back into the room. “Ben?” 

He grinned as she came into the room. “I was wondering how much further ahead you’d gotten! When did you get here?” 

“Earlier this morning, before lunch. You?” 

“Hour or two ago, I think. Sorry, Rey, this is Poe, he’s another SoBo. Poe, meet Rey.” 

“Rey, huh?” Poe asked, standing and coming to shake her hand, “good to add to our numbers! Feels like there aren’t that many of us, you know?” 

“Oh, absolutely, I actually have a friend I’m hiking with who’s a SoBo, too.” Rey frowned slightly. “That’s who I’m looking for, actually. He said he wanted to meet downstairs before we went to town for dinner.” 

“What were you planning on?” Ben asked casually. He wouldn’t mind grabbing dinner with Rey. He’d even be ok with Poe coming along. 

“The pub.” Rey rolled her eyes. “He’s been talking about it for three days now. I’m pretty sure he’s memorized the menu.” 

“That was the top of my list, too,” Poe offered. “Should we make it a foursome?” 

“Anyone in here named Rey?” Another head poked in around the door. “Rey?” 

“I’m Rey.” 

“Cool. Uh, your buddy says he needs more time to contemplate nature, he’ll meet you at the restaurant if you want to go ahead.” 

“Finn said that?” 

“Man, honestly, I couldn’t tell you his name to save my life, haha,” the stranger chuckled to himself as he walked away.  

“What does ‘contemplate nature’ mean?” Ben asked. 

“He’s gotta take a shit,” Rey said with a sigh.  

* 

“Ok, so, Rey. You’re from…?” Poe was happily munching on whatever fried appetizer he’d ordered, but his attention was focused on Rey. 

They’d slid into a booth, Ben and Poe on one side, Rey on the other, saving a spot for Finn.  

“Arizona.” After he’d insisted the third time, Rey had one bite of it, no more. She couldn’t risk being asked to split the cost. Her mouth watered a little, listening to the crunch of each bite, watching the ranch dressing drip on the table after he scooped a generous amount onto each bite. 

“Oh yeah? What part? I lived in Phoenix for a while.”  

“Jakku.” 

“Fuck, ok. Never heard of it,” Poe laughed. “And I’ve been to a lot of really shitty parts of Arizona. What’s there?” 

“Sand, shitty garages, a shitty county high school... two gas stations though.” Rey played with her napkin absent-mindedly. Out of all four, the sand had been the least terrible part. And she hated sand. 

“How’d you get from Jakku to here?” Ben asked, looking at her intently. 

“Greyhound.” 

Ben and Poe both winced. 

“That sounds miserable,” Poe said. 

“There are probably better ways of getting here,” Rey replied dryly.  

“I think almost anything else would be better,” Ben agreed. “But really, what happened between growing up and arriving at Baxter?” 

Rey took a sip of her water (extra lemon, for scurvy prevention). There weren’t that many actions, but there had been a whole lot of thinking. She’d stick to the actions. 

“Got into college at Arizona, graduated, got a job, started hiking, met some AZT thru hikers one weekend. Once I decided to thru hike, I wanted it to be somewhere green. With water.” 

“Can’t get much greener than the AT, that’s for sure,” Ben agreed. 

“What’s AZT?” Poe asked. 

“Arizona Trail. Too short and dry for what I wanted.” Rey cleared her throat self-consciously. “How’d you two end up here?” She was eager to move the conversation along from her past. 

“Got out of the Air Force,” Poe shrugged, “wasn’t ready to go back to working.” 

Rey nodded. “You were at Luke?” 

“Yeah,” Poe replied, shoving a few more fried bites in his mouth. “Wasn’t the worst place I got stationed. Lot of training there, though.” 

“Pilot?” 

“Got it in one,” Poe said, flashing her his easy grin. “I’ll probably keep flying, but I wanted to do something without a schedule for a while. Just kind of... be.” 

That wasn’t something that Rey felt at all, but she nodded as if she understood. Rey glanced at Ben, also nodding in agreement with Poe. She wondered if he meant it. 

“What about you, Ben? We never really talked about this before.” Rey turned to focus on Ben. He was relaxed, at ease in the booth across from her, though he seemed too big for the scale of the thing. He didn’t mind stealing bites from Poe, or casually ordering another appetizer while they waited for Finn. He probably wouldn’t have cared if Poe asked him to split the cost of the mozzarella sticks. 

He shrugged. 

“My uncle had a heart attack. He took me camping when I was little – my dad and I would drive down to Virginia to see him. It just... took me by surprise.” He shook his head, taking a deep breath. “Realized I was really fucking miserable in my job and thought this sounded way better.” 

“I get that,” Rey replied. She couldn’t relate to the uncle part, but being miserable in your job? Sure. “How’s your uncle?” 

“Apparently fine. Plan on seeing him once I get down that way, hoping he’ll come out and hike with me a little, maybe take a few days to hang out at his cabin. He’s pretty close to the trail, from what I remember.” 

“That sounds really nice,” Rey said a little wistfully.  

“Oh, hell yeah, Ben, that would be awesome. I’ve got a friend planning on hiking a little with me, once I get to Pennsylvania.” 

“What part of Pennsylvania?” Rey asked. 

“We’re aiming for Boiling Springs, but it’ll depend on timing.” 

“I don’t know why it never occurred to me that you could do that – have friends or family join you for part of the hike,” Rey said. “That would be really cool.” 

“Well,” Ben countered, “it helps a lot if your friends or family live on the east coast. I can’t think of many people who could easily hike with me on the PCT.” 

“You’re from the east coast?” Rey asked. They hadn’t discussed that when they’d talked before. Why hadn’t they discussed that? They’d just started talking and it never occurred to Rey to circle back to the awkward small-talk getting-to-know-you topics. 

“Yeah, Boston, mostly,” Ben replied. 

Rey glanced up as the door opened again. 

“Finn!” She waved him over to the table, patting the empty space on the booth next to her. “Saved you a seat.” 

“What a gal,” Finn said, sliding in next to her. “Hello, this is two more people than I expected. I’m Finn.” 

“Ben.” 

“Hi there Ben, nice to meet you.” 

“And I’m Poe.” 

“And I… I know you,” Finn replied, shock written all over his face. 

Poe tilted his head and looked at Finn closer. “From the bar in Philly??” 

“Yeah!” 

“Holy shit,” Rey breathed, her eyes wide. “Don’t tell me it happened.” 

“Ok, I won’t,” Finn replied, eyes still locked on Poe. 

“I feel like I’m missing something here?” Ben said. 

“I didn’t know you were planning on hiking the AT!” Poe looked at Finn with shock and… maybe delight, Rey thought. 

“I didn’t either!” Finn replied. 

“….what?” Poe asked. 

“Yeah, it was a surprise to me too. But here I am!” 

“Wow, ok, that’s incredible.” Poe turned to Ben and explained, “We met at this divey bar in Philly – right before I left for Maine. I can’t believe you’re here!”  

“Me either! I wondered if I’d run into you, and I did!” 

"Wait,” Ben interrupted. “Tell me how you two know each other?” 

“When I was in Philly, dropping my stuff off with Rose, I went out to this bar while she was working one night. I started talking to him,” Poe gestured to Finn, “but didn’t get his name or anything. We just kind of... started talking and didn’t stop.” 

“It was one of those instant-click moments,” Finn added dreamily. “I’d just gotten dumped and wanted to wallow, but there he was, being funny and entertaining. Completely forgot I was supposed to be sad.” 

“But you never talked about the AT?” Ben was still confused. 

“No, we did, but I didn’t know Finn was planning on hiking,” Poe replied. 

“That’s because I wasn’t, at the time.” Finn was blushing, obvious even on his dark skin. “It just sounded so much better than working.” 

“Right, you described yourself as...” Poe tapped his chin, thinking. “A blank, faceless, corporate robot, right? Just a job code and a number?” 

Finn grinned. “I did. And I was! But now, I’m a hiker.” 

“And when you met Poe you didn’t know you were planning on hiking?” Ben was still confused. 

“Yup.” Finn's ears were pinkish, too. “It just...sounded way better than working. So I quit.” 

“And had you already...hiked?” Ben’s confusion was written all over his face. 

“Ah...no. I’d classify myself as a beginner,” Finn replied, scratching the back of his neck self-consciously. 

Before Ben could ask another question, the server appeared. 

“Ready to order now?” 

“Yeah, I think so,” Poe said, looking at Finn with a questioning look. 

“Let me go last and I’ll be ready,” Finn waved him off. 

“Ok. The biggest steak you have, medium rare,” Poe declared. “And a burger.” 

* 

Rey finished first. She’d ordered the cheapest option – the chicken sandwich – and even though she’d tried her hardest to eat slowly, space out her bites, take a sip of water every now and then, she’d still eaten too quickly. 

She knew her table manners were atrocious. Not that any of her caretakers had tried very hard to teach her, but she’d felt the stares at school and work. When she wasn’t so hungry, she could slow down. She could keep her arm from curling around her plate protectively. She could maintain a conversation and chew each bite twenty times (she still had to count, to make sure it was long enough). She’d tuned out the conversation while she ate, but it seemed everyone was busy eating, so the group fell into silence often. 

She watched the three men. Poe was eating methodically but steadily, the kind of person who ate first and talked second – surprising, given his general personality of talk first, second, and third. Finn seemed to eat in slow motion. He did so on trail, too, somehow taking 30 minutes to eat a pot of ramen. She couldn’t understand it.  

Ben glanced up at her when she shifted her focus to him. 

“Kill these brussels sprouts,” he said, pushing the plate towards her. “I’m not taking any leftovers.” 

Rey scrutinized his face, but he’d already gone back to his dinner. She watched to see if Poe or Finn would say anything, but they hadn’t eaten any of the sprouts to begin with (“too green,” Poe had said). She ate them – she was still hungry, and she hated to see food wasted.  

“Are you two planning on heading out tomorrow?” Poe was slowing down. 

“Yeah,” Rey answered for her and Finn both. “At least, that was our plan. I’m heading out tomorrow.” 

Finn nodded, then covered his mouth as he spoke around his bite of pizza. “Yesh.” 

“That’s good,” Poe said, nodding, “it’ll be nice to have a few more familiar faces on the trail.” 

Finn nodded enthusiastically. 

“Have you talked to many NoBos?” Rey asked. 

“Nah,” Poe replied, “they’ve really kept to themselves, and since I met Ben I had someone to talk to.” 

“And talk he does,” Ben added. “Say you’ll hike with us, just so I get a break from being Poe’s only conversational partner.” 

“You’re one to talk!” Poe retorted. “You gave me a lecture in old English!” 

Ben rolled his eyes. “Middle English, and the lecture was in modern English.” 

Rey’s eyebrows shot up. “You gave him a lecture about... English?” 

“Chaucer.” 

“Ben. That’s weird as hell,” Finn interjected. 

“Look, it was relevant to the conversation, he clearly didn’t know anything about Chaucer, and honestly, what else did we have to talk about?” 

“I think that’s a fair point,” Finn conceded. “Rey listened to me describe the plot of Texas Chainsaw Massacres in detail. Might as well learn something while you’re hiking!” 

“Excruciating, very descriptive detail,” Rey added. “And I didn’t think I needed to learn that.” 

"It is a classic,” Poe added. 

“Alright then,” Rey said decisively, “tomorrow I’ll lecture all of you on mechanical versus welded joints. And maybe associated code.” 

“Oooh, you think that sounds boring, but I am always very interested in codes and standards.” Ben looked at Rey over his beer bottle. “Don’t threaten me with a good time, Rey.” 

“I’m concerned about your definition of fun, Ben,” Rey said, shaking her head.  

“Who wouldn’t enjoy learning about more rules?” Ben asked, a small smile teasing the corners of his mouth.  

“Makes sense for the fun-police lawyer,” Rey sighed. “First you have to argue ghosts to death, then you have to draw a firm line between fun giants and anti-fun giants, and now you want to learn about more rules. I bet that’s what you do – you write codes and standards, don’t you.” 

“I do not,” Ben replied gravely. “But I do enjoy learning about all the ways a person can get in trouble. Maybe you just aren’t enough of a troublemaker to understand.” 

Rey shot him a hard look. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Poe broke in. “Don’t tell me Ben, Ben of the straight and narrow, Ben who memorized a bunch of old English stuff, Ben the gigantic coffee nerd, that Ben is a troublemaker? Who did you make trouble for? The little old librarian??” 

“I did,” Ben said solemnly, “I frequently tried to borrow too many books at once. And one time I returned three of them late. But I argued that it wasn’t my fault because I was a child and couldn’t drive, so I didn’t get a fine.” 

“I’m getting a real good picture of your childhood, Ben, and I’m not sure we would have been friends,” Finn said. 

“Depends on the age,” Ben said casually. “I did get arrested in high school.” 

“And now we have something to talk about tomorrow while we hike!” Finn crowed.  

* 

Ben had offered to let Rey sleep on the cot in the yurt. Her little tarp was pitched alone, nearby.  

She’d declined, saying she was good, she enjoyed her tarp, she didn’t need the space or the electricity. He’d shrugged and zipped up the yurt door, stretching out on the bed. 

He’d noticed the way she ate. It’s not like Ben had a lot of hangups about food – he'd always had plenty, very good, very healthy food. His fraternity had gotten him to loosen up, eat a few more things with his hands and fingers than he did before. His mother had been annoyed, but his father had only laughed and tossed him a beer.  

Ben felt like he could probably fit in at any table. 

Rey, though... Rey ate like she was worried someone would steal it. Ben had visited plenty of children’s homes and served countless holiday meals at shelters. He’d seen that posture before, arm curved around the plate, shoulders hunched.  

Then she’d shot him that look when he’d said she hadn’t been a troublemaker. She looked like a nice girl – the type who probably hadn’t gotten in trouble. Maybe got her name called once for talking in class, but definitely not a juvenile recidivist. He didn’t know what her job was – how had they skipped over all of the basics that first day on Katahdin? - but she’d gone to college and gotten a job, so something professional. He’d have to ask tomorrow.  

After he regaled them all with the story of his rampage at his Uncle Luke’s Putt Putt Palace and subsequent arrest. 

Chapter Text

Day 10 

Near Mile 114.7 

Monson, ME

It was weird, sleeping so close to a road. It hadn’t kept her up – Monson wasn’t a major thoroughfare or anything – but it had been weird to have the sounds of town sneaking into her consciousness, instead of the sounds of the woods. 

Rey stretched on her sleeping pad. She peeked out from under her tarp, seeing the bottom third of Ben’s yurt. She should have taken him up on the spare cot. It would have been comfy. It’s not that she thought he’d hold it over her or anything, or expect anything in return, it was just... she’d always done everything herself. She didn’t need help. Why take what you don’t need? 

She crawled out and onto the wet, dewy grass and set about her morning tasks. Bathroom, brush teeth, sunscreen, put on hiking clothes, pack up. 

The hostel included a pancake breakfast in the cost, so once Rey had her tarp and accoutrements stuffed back into her patchwork backpack, she leaned it up against the side of the house, on the porch, and headed inside to find Finn. 

She found Ben first, lounging on a couch and sipping a mug of coffee while he texted, smiling at his phone. She felt a flare of...something, but then remembered he didn’t have a girlfriend. Whatever that feeling had been, it untwisted. 

No need to explore that any further.

“How was the yurt?”  

He looked up at her and smiled softly. “Really fucking nice, honestly. Thread count wasn’t quite up to my standards, but it was a huge improvement from the ground. Tarp work out ok for you?” 

She smiled back. “Yeah, a little brighter with the streetlights, but I slept fine. Probably my best skill, sleeping.” 

“Really? Do you offer classes? I’m a shit sleeper.” 

“Oof, that’s rough. Must be boring out here, not being able to sleep and not having tv or anything.” 

“I downloaded a bunch of audiobooks. And digital books. Most of Yellowstone too.” 

“What’s this?” Poe came up behind Ben, aggressively squeezing his shoulders in that weird way guys always did to each other. “Sounds like movie night in Ben’s tent!” 

“Maybe not in the tent,” Ben hedged, “but I can download some stuff we can watch in a shelter, if we end up in one that’s not too crowded.” 

“Perfect,” Poe replied. “Finn hasn’t seen Top Gun and I need to subliminally make him start thinking about me as hot.” 

Rey laughed. “I don’t think you have to worry about that, actually.” 

“Be that as it may,” Poe said, “it never hurts to make sure he’s associating me with something very sexy. I need to cover all my bases, you know.” 

“What bases are we covering?” Finn had come downstairs to join the group. “I missed the first part.” 

“All of them, apparently,” Rey said. “Come on, let’s get a table. I’m starving.”  

Rey’s stomach grumbled loudly. Six hands gently herded her to an empty table, set with water and orange juice and empty plates. 

* 

The pancakes were delicious. Rey was on seconds already, determined to eat as much as she could. She needed to get her money’s worth. 

Ben stopped after three. “Enough carbs for me,” he’d said. He’d pushed his last two pancakes over to the center of the table. “Someone finish these off.” 

Poe shook his head no. “I’m stuffed. Not sure how Rey is still going, honestly.” He took a large gulp of his orange juice. “Ok, so, we wait until the Gear Emporium is open, pick up any last-minute supplies, then catch a ride to the trail?” 

“I sent myself a mail drop here, actually,” Ben said, “so I already have my resupply packed up. But I’ll stick around until you guys are ready to go.” 

“I picked up what I need yesterday, but I wanted to check the hiker box and see if there was anything useful in there.” Rey could feel Ben’s eyes on her. He’d checked out right after her at the convenience store when she’d resupplied. He narrowed his eyes a little. She stuffed a too-big bite of pancake into her mouth. 

“What’s a hiker box?” Finn asked, draining his water. 

“Like lost and found, but nothing’s lost?” Poe offered. 

“That’s not helpful,” Finn snorted. 

“If you have stuff you don’t need or want anymore, and it might be useful to another hiker, you put it in a hiker box for someone else to take. Like a little free library for hiking crap. Food, water filter, stuff sacks, fuel canisters, lighters, hand sanitizer, anything like that.” 

“Thank you, Ben, for actually giving me a helpful answer.” Finn glared at Poe with mock anger. “But yes, that sounds good. I need some bug spray and wouldn’t mind a peek at what else they sell here.” 

“We’ve got about 45 minutes until it opens,” Ben said, glancing at his watch. “Which means I have time for another cup of coffee. Anyone need anything?” Ben gathered up the mug that Finn held out to him, then stepped into the kitchen. 

Rey speared one of his abandoned pancakes. 

“Really, Rey, where are you putting all of that?” Poe asked. 

“What do you mean?” Rey asked around a mouthful of pancake. They were blueberry pancakes and they were delicious. 

“You’re tiny. How are you eating so much? You didn’t eat that much last night.” 

Rey felt her cheeks warm – she hated the idea of anyone paying attention to how she ate. She didn't want to be perceived when she ate, in any way.

“Maybe I just really fucking like pancakes,” she mutters. 

“Reasonable,” Finn added, cutting a bite off of another one of Ben’s abandoned pancakes. “They are good.” 

Poe kept watching her. Rey swallowed, the pancake getting a little stuck in her throat. She carefully laid down her fork on her plate. 

“Poet said the first shuttle is full, but we can all fit on the second,” Ben said, returning with the promised coffee. Finn nodded his thanks as he took his mug from Ben. “That’ll be about 10am, so we’ve got some time to kill.” 

“Who the fuck is Poet?” Finn asked. 

“Poet? He owns the hostel? Married to Hippie Chick, who also owns the hostel?” 

“Oh.” Finn’s face didn’t look like he understood. “But why is he called Poet? And Hippie Chick?” 

The other three looked at him with varying degrees of astonishment on their faces. 

“Finn. Are you telling me that you’re 114 miles into the AT and don’t know what a trail name is?” Poe asked, incredulously. 

Finn huffed. “Well I guess the fuck I am!” 

Rey chuckled. “It’s ok, Finn. It’s just a nickname that someone gives you and you go by that instead of your real name.” 

“Ok,” Finn said slowly, “but why?” 

“Well, you’re probably the only Finn, but there’s no way Ben is the only Ben hiking the AT this year. So someone may say, ‘hey, did you see Ben today?’ and someone else would say ‘which Ben? Tall Ben or short Ben?’ and then the first person would be like, ‘Ben who lectures in old english,’ or something. So it’s just easier to call him ‘Pedantic Asshole’ or something, and then there’s no doubt as to which Ben it is.” Poe gave Ben a pointed look. 

“Plus it’s more fun,” Rey added. 

“Well what’s my trail name then?” Finn asked. 

“You don’t have one yet,” Ben explained. “It’s like... something will happen, or you’ll say something stupid, and someone will name you. You can’t just pick one.” 

“You can,” Rey corrected, “but it always sounds really stupid and obvious. Like we can all tell Wolf Man named himself, but Pony Puncher obviously was given a name.” 

“Oh you saw Pony Puncher too?” Poe asked. 

“Yeah, in the shelter log that first day on trail!” Rey laughed. 

“So I’ve just got to wait and see what name I get?” Finn looked between the three of them. “And it can be something really stupid?” 

“It will probably be something really stupid,” Ben chuckled, “but you can always reject a name if you really hate it.” 

“But no guarantees everyone else will quit calling you that,” Poe added. 

“Oh God,” Finn moaned, “this seems so stressful. Now I have to try and not do or say anything stupid for possibly MONTHS!” He dropped his head in his hands. 

“Don’t worry, buddy,” Rey consoled him, “I won’t let them name you something truly stupid. Just a little stupid.” 

Finn groaned louder. 

* 

Rey hadn’t found much in the hiker box, but she’d taken a smushed Clif bar and a melted Snickers bar. That was basically an entire extra meal for her. 

Ben, Finn, and Poe had all browsed the store, debating Darn Tough socks (Poe) versus Injinjis (also Poe, somehow), 100% deet (Poe) versus picardin (Finn). (Ben insisted pre-treating with permethrin was the only way to go.) 

Rey had wandered near them, not letting herself look too closely at anything. She had everything she needed. She was fine. 

They sat in the August sun, waiting for Poet’s van to come back for the next load of hikers. Poe and Ben were discussing how far they wanted to hike today. It sounded like they’d all be heading to the same destination. Rey knew that Finn would want to stick with Poe, and it sounded like the options weren’t great. It was either an 18 mile day or a 13 mile day. With the extra food she’d picked up, Rey was ok with a 13 mile day. 

The trail was relatively easy. They set off with Ben leading the way, then Rey, and Finn and Poe bringing up the rear. They hadn’t discussed that order, it just made the most sense. 

“Alright Ben, we’re on trail, we’re hiking. Let’s hear it.” Poe was loud enough that they could all hear him, even from his position at the back of the group. 

“Hear what?” 

“Let’s hear about your arrest!” 

“Right,” Ben said, nodding. “I did say that I’d tell you that story.” 

Finn and Poe cheered lightly, imitating a roaring crowd. Rey laughed. 

“To set the scene: I was a moody little fucker. We have to start there. Middle school Ben was a nightmare. My mom was running for Senate at the time, my dad was still doing his weird import/export business, and I was a scrawny asshole, terrorizing the family.” 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Finn interrupted. “You were scrawny??” 

“Oh yes,” Ben affirmed, “scrawny and too tall and basically all ears and nose. I was not a hit with the eighth grade girls. For multiple reasons."

"Sorry, are we just skipping over the 'running for Senate' part of this?" Rey asked.

"She ran, she won, she was a senator for a while, it's really very dull," Ben said, "however, I can acknowledge that it does sound... distinctive."

"Can she get us out of tickets or anything?" Finn asked.

"She's retired, and also I don't think she could even do that when she was in office. I don't know, it wasn't something I was too concerned with at the time."

"Right, too busy trying to get arrested to see if you could get out of getting arrested," Rey said.

Ben nodded. "Exactly. So – in the midst of all the fundraising and schmoozing and formal events for my mom’s campaign, I basically threw a fit over anything I could find. They got tired of it and decided a year with my weird uncle would help solve that. So my parents shipped me off to my Uncle Luke my freshman year of high school. 

“Uncle Luke didn’t grow up with my mom – that's... a whole thing – so they’re very different. My mom was raised very proper, finishing school, debutante, all of that, in Norwich, Vermont. My uncle grew up in Texas on a ranch. Not a fancy ranch, a ‘oh no the bank is come to take the ranch’ kind of ranch. 

“Anyway, all this to say, my Uncle Luke is very weird. He never had a career. He did some photography – was pretty good at it, it’s a family thing, and that’s an entirely different story – but he’d also start all these weird, half-baked businesses. Like he was a slum lord for a while. He tried to be a mushroom farmer. He started a carousel museum – for the old wooden carousels, you know? -- but didn’t know how to fix any of the carousels he got, so he ended up as a weird hoarder. And he’d kind of move around with each new idea.  

“By the time I got shipped off to him, he was living in north Georgia, near Helen – which is a trail town, actually, so keep that in mind if you want to meet weird Uncle Luke in the future. He wanted to cater to the tourists in Helen so he bought some land and cleared it and made a Putt Putt course. Called it Luke’s Putt Putt Palace. It was all royalty themed, with knights and castles and tiny horses and windmills and shit. He really leaned into the theme. Wore a crown and velvet cloak around, even when it was the off-season and the putt putt place was closed.” 

“Uhh, wouldn’t that be the putt putt palace Ben? Not putt putt place,” Poe snickered. 

Rey could practically hear Ben rolling his eyes. 

“Yes, Poe, you are correct. So, as you may have guessed Luke was not prepared to put up with my shit, and I was not prepared to behave for Luke. We did not get along. At all. He kept trying to make me dress up as a knight and sell putt putt balls in a suit of armor. It was miserable. But over the winter, business fell off, so he was doing more photoshoots and stuff – I did some of that with him and that wasn’t too bad. But the next winter, he decided to branch out a little and combine photography with putt putt. I don’t know how this started – I suspect my Uncle Lando was involved--  but he had bodybuilders come out and do photoshoots in the putt putt palace so they looked extra big. He even built a mini train for them to ride, so they looked like they could barely cram themselves into it. Like a shrink-ray rollercoaster.” 

“What the fuck??” Finn wheezed.  

“He called it Liliputt-putt,” Ben added. “Like from Gulliver’s Travels.” 

“None of us get that reference,” Poe stated cheerfully. 

"You should probably get that reference," Rey said. "I learned that in Jakku. You should probably... yeah, you should get that one."

“Well, it’s a pretentious reference regardless,” Ben grumbled. “Luke was always pretentious as hell.” 

“Sure, Jan,” Rey said. “Your weird Uncle Luke is the pretentious one in the family.” 

“He’s at least the most pretentious one in the family,” Ben argued. 

“Ok, ok, so your weird uncle is having all these body builders come take pictures at his – this wasn’t a sex thing, was it??” Finn asked, horrified. 

“Not... not that I know of,” Ben said carefully. “As far as I knew, this was just a really stupid business idea. But Luke kept trying to get me to put on a dragon costume so they could use me as a prop, and he just wouldn’t let it go. One night I heard him on the phone with my parents and he kept saying shit like ‘Oh, Ben is awful, refuses to do anything I ask, can’t even help out with the business, I don’t ask for much, blah blah blah’ and I just lost it. I went outside and started yelling about how if he wanted a fucking monster, I'd be Godzilla and I was going to destroy his goddamn tiny town and just started... stomping. I stomped the whole thing. Then I got a lighter and set some of it on fire, but there were enough water hazards that it didn’t -- I couldn’t burn the whole course down. He came out and the look on his face --” Ben shook his head. “It was too much, and I couldn’t stop then. So he called the cops on me and said I was on a rampage and was dangerous and I’d threatened him – I swear I only threatened his crown, not his head – and they arrested me.” 

“What the fuck??” Finn snorted. 

“Looking back, I’m not sure it was a lawful arrest, just because I don’t think the damages were – but that’s not the point. The point is, I was 15 at the time, so they brought me in and booked me. My mom had to call the station and my uncle showed up so smug and self-righteous and preachy that I asked to stay in jail the rest of the night. The cops said no, so I called my Uncle Lando and begged him to come get me.” 

“And did he??” Poe asked. 

“He did, eventually. He was living in Atlantic City so it took him a while, but he came and got me and I spent Christmas break living in the casino with him, and then I went to boarding school for the rest of high school.” 

“A fancy boarding school?” Rey asked. “Like, secret societies, Dead Poet’s Society sort of thing?” 

“Probably considered fancy by most people who know the school. No secret societies, that wasn’t until college. I probably should have gotten arrested a few times in boarding school, but I got lucky. And after the putt putt incident I only did normal unlawful things, like underage drinking. No arson, no property damage.” Ben shrugged. “We’re ok now. He’s still weird as hell, but I don’t feel like destroying his property anymore, and I don’t think he’d call the cops on me now. Too many plants he doesn’t want the north Georgia police to know about.” 

“I hate to ask this,” Rey said hesitantly, “but I just feel like I need to – are there – the photos of the lilliputt-putt photoshoot? Do they still exist?” 

“There’s a video, actually,” Ben sighed. “Next time we get service remind me and I’ll show you. One of the Norwegians put it on YouTube a few years ago.” 

***

Day 19  

Bemis Mountain Lean-To  

Mile 238.3  

September 13

Rey was the first to arrive at the lean-to. She usually was. She didn’t take long breaks like the guys did. She walked around the dirt tent pads, trying to decide which was the flattest and least-lumpy. 

“When you decide on the best one, let me know which one is second best.” 

Rey looked up from her spot lying on the ground to see Ben, sweaty and tired, leaning on his trekking poles.  

“This one is pretty good, actually,” Rey replied, jumping up and brushing off the dirt from her shorts. “I think I’m going to take the one under those trees, if you want this spot.” 

Ben nodded his thanks as he dropped his pack. Rey dragged her pack to the spot she’d chosen and started unpacking.  

They worked in silence, Ben setting up his fancy tent, Rey unrolling her patchwork hexamid tarp she’d sewn.  

“I can’t believe you’re still surviving without any bug netting in that thing,” Ben said, glancing her way. 

“The Hundred Mile was the worst. Since then it hasn’t been that bad.” 

“Are you going to keep using it once it gets cold?” 

Rey shrugged. “I don’t have any other options. This is it. Not all of us can afford fancy dyneema composite fiber tents like you, Mr. Moneybags.” She was teasing, of course. Anyone, including adult Rey, who was thru-hiking had more money than Rey could have dreamed of when she was growing up.  

Despite her tight budget, Rey was, comparatively, well-off.  

She just didn’t choose to spend any of that money on fancy non-woven laminated fabrics developed to be used as sails for racing yachts. Which is not to say she’d refuse to buy it, if the budget allowed. The budget simply didn’t allow, not at this time. 

“Cut weight with my tent and I can carry the fancy coffee setup. Reasonable trade-off, in my opinion,” Ben said, tightening up the guylines on his tent.  

“Sure, just a few hundred dollars to save 4 ounces,” Rey snorted. 

“I really like good coffee,” Ben said, casually stretching as he stood. “I’d argue that the increase in morale from my fancy coffee improves the chances of my completing the trail, thereby making the initial investment in upgraded and/or new gear a more financially sound decision.” 

Rey stared at him. “Are you an ultralight lawyer now? Going to also cross-examine some witnesses about cutting the handles off their toothbrushes? Write a brief on cutting the labels off your clothes?” 

“I feel like, maybe, you don’t know that I’m actually a lawyer,” Ben said, eyes crinkled in a smile. “So I probably would happily argue most things. If it was a good position to take. Or seemed fun. Although I don’t know that I'd choose to defend cutting off your toothbrush handle. I do have my limits.” 

Rey shook her head. “I should have known. It all makes sense now.” 

“Captain of the debate team, too.” 

“Oh God,” Rey laughed, “was that at fancy boarding school or fancier college?” 

“Both,” he said, winking at her. “The ladies loved it.” 

Rey narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. “Did they really love it? Or were you just tall? Actually, never mind. Don’t want to get in trouble for slander. Knowing you, you’d win.” 

“I love the confidence you have in me,” Ben said. “But I wouldn’t. Not slander because no damages.” 

“I hesitate to ask.” 

“Well, for these exact circumstances, no third party. Currently, you’re just insulting me; no one else is here to hear it. Or not really insulting, just pointing out more of my good qualities, really. But in addition, I don't think there’s any malice here.” 

“I could be malicious,” Rey insisted. 

“Nah. I think it’s something else entirely.” Ben regarded Rey, his hands on his hips. “I’m just not sure I know exactly what it is, yet.” 

“Let me know when you figure it out,” Rey said, tapping the toe of his shoe with her foot.  

Nodding to her tarp, he asked, “Did you make that yourself?” 

“Yeah. Tarp, groundsheet, quilt, pack, stove, and stuff sacks.” 

Ben whistled, impressed. “That’s a lot of work. Can I check out your tarp? I haven’t seen this design.” 

“Oh, sure, yeah,” Rey said, startled by his interest. She gestured to the little off-center pyramid tarp, held up by her trekking poles. “Welcome to my crib. It’s a version of the pocket tarp. I took the Pocket Tarp design and played around with it a little.” 

“Are you old enough for that MTV reference?” Ben asked, bending over to peer under the tarp. 

“What’s an MTV, Grampa?” 

“Don’t worry about it, kid. Past your bedtime anyways.” Ben ran his hand down the ridgeline of the tarp. He leaned in to look at the seams closer. “This is good work. I wouldn’t have guessed you did it yourself. Except, maybe, that the panels are different colors. But I know there are cottage companies out there making stuff in funky colors like this.” 

“Thanks,” Rey said, brushing a leaf off her tarp. “I tried to use discount fabric, and I couldn’t always get enough in one color. My quilt is even worse.” 

“I thought it was on purpose, like with your pack.” 

“Nah, just using what I could get cheap.” Rey scuffed her foot in the dirt, lightly stretching her calf. “How much further back are Poe and Finn?” 

Ben laughed. “There’s no telling. They were decidedly not kissing when I left the stream.” 

“Damn,” Rey groaned, “what are they waiting for??” 

“I honestly can’t tell. Poe isn’t sure Finn likes him like that, he says. I feel like next town stop we’ll have to play truth or dare just to get them over the hump.” Ben cleared his throat. “So to speak.” 

“Gorham, right? Just before we go into the Whites?” 

“I think so. Hard to believe we’re almost done with our first state, huh?” 

“Well... we’ve still got some rough terrain before then.” Rey had been studying the elevation profile while she ate her lunch. “Plus Mahoosuc Notch.” 

“I’m looking forward to that.” Ben grinned at her. “Wanna race it?” 

“I would,” Rey said slowly, as if she were really thinking about it, “but I don’t think that’d be a good idea.” 

“Why not?” 

“I’m afraid your feelings will get hurt, Great-Grandfather Ben.”  

“Aging me up already? What have I done to deserve this treatment?” Ben laughed. “In seriousness, I would consider it a privilege to be beaten by you. My feelings won’t be hurt in the slightest. If you manage to beat me. I’ve fast-packed it before.” 

Rey looked at him, startled. “You have? When?” 

“When I was in college. I went to Dartmouth, so the next chunk of trail is stuff I’ve hiked a few times.” 

“Hmm,” Rey said, “maybe it’ll be fair after all, if you’re already familiar with it. How long did it take you?” 

“Last time I hiked it I was probably 12 years younger and trail running in the Whites most weekends. I think it was 40 minutes. I don’t expect to do it that quickly this time.” 

“Still, not bad. The average for a NoBo is like an hour and a half, right? For that one mile?” 

“I think so, yeah. I didn’t have a heavy pack though. Just a fastpack.” 

“Fast-pack, trail runners, tiny shorts, DCF tent. Are you actually Andrew Skurka?” 

“I’ll give you the trail runners and the fastpack,” Ben said, laughing, “and maybe the shorts. But the X-Mid is universally recognized as the best tent for anyone over 6 feet. We can’t all suffer in a MYOG tarp like you.” 

“Eh. It’s not really suffering. I can sleep through most things.” 

“I’ve noticed. Like how you slept through that bear investigating our tent site. Or that thunderstorm. Or that group of NoBos coming in after dark, still drunk from town.” 

Rey shrugged. “It’s a gift.” 

“What’s a gift? A gift for me?” Poe asked as he and Finn dropped their packs and guzzled water. 

“Finally!” Rey exclaimed. “Took you two long enough.” 

“The trail is getting harder!” Finn whined. “I can’t hike fast anymore; I’m dying out here.” 

Ben squinted, his hands on his hips. “If I make a joke about le petit mort would anyone get it?” 

The other three groaned. Poe tossed a handful of leaves and dirt at Ben. “No, you fucking Ivy League Masshole.” 

“Sorry, sorry!” Ben said, dodging Finn’s projectile and laughing. “At least I asked first this time.” 

“That is progress,” Poe agreed. “Besides, we can’t kill Ben. Where would we be without our Fearless Leader?” 

* 

Rey was on her second cup of tea after dinner, guidebook open on her lap. Finn and Poe lounged on the ground, leaning against a log and tossing gummy worms into each other's mouths. Ben looked up from his phone. 

“I think I’m going to have to go into town at Grafton Notch for extra food. The elevation profile looks brutal. I don’t think we’ll be keeping up this mileage. At least, I’m not comfortable assuming that.” 

Rey winced. She agreed, but the town at Grafton Notch was far enough that they’d need to set up a shuttle, and she didn’t want to spend money on that. 

“Can we hitch?” Poe asked, shoveling chips into his mouth. 

“It’s pretty far from the trail. If you all want to come with, though, I’ll pay for the shuttle. It’s my fault anyways.” 

“Nah,” Finn said, “I don’t think I have enough food either. If you say it’ll take longer, then I definitely don’t have enough food.” 

“You’re just going to take my word for it?” Ben asked, incredulous. 

“Yes,” Poe and Finn said at the same time.  

“You’re our leader now. I’m just doing what you tell me to. Makes me feel like I’m still in the Air Force,” Poe said around a mouthful of chips. 

“Takes me back to my office job days,” Finn added. “Just marching along, doing whatever they said. You say hike, I say how far.” 

“Aw, Finn, you’re such a little trooper,” Poe crooned. 

“Regardless,” Ben continued, “I’ll set up the shuttle when we get closer. That’ll set us up with lighter packs through Mahoosuc Notch until we get to Gorham.” 

“And then,” Finn stood, arms raised dramatically, “the Whites!!!” 

“Dun dun duunnnnn,” Poe sang. 

Chapter Text

Day 22 

Mahoosuc Notch  

Mile 274.5 

“So this is it, huh?” The foursome stood together, surveying the stretch of massive boulders before them. Ben glanced at Finn, noting the surprise and nervousness on his face. “Where do you even go?” 

“That’s the fun,” Rey grinned, “wherever you want. Just...generally move that direction.” She gestured vaguely in front of them.

Finn let out a squawk of fear, then looked up at the sky, eyes squeezed shut tight. “So we somehow hike this mile and then we camp?” 

“Ah, no, unfortunately not,” Ben corrected. “We’ll have to go up one thousand feet in elevation over .75 miles, and then down for a half mile. Then we camp.” 

Finn raised his fist to the sky and cursed. 

“Jesus,” Poe muttered, “what’s the total grade on that?” 

Ben pulled out his phone to check the app. He winced. “Oof. 17%.” 

“Well, friends,” Poe said, clapping Finn and Rey on their backs, “this has been great. If I get trapped beneath one of these massive rocks, the passcode to my phone is 7070. Please call my mother.” 

“You’ll be fine,” Ben laughed. “It’s just walking. Just think of it as...really giant steps. That don’t go straight up or down. With some tunnels or...jump off points... Actually, maybe that’s not a good... You know what, just take it easy and go slow.” 

Ben gave Finn a friendly pat on the shoulder. Finn glared at him. “Ben. Has anyone told you that you are terrible at comforting people?” 

“Eighty-year-olds hike this, Finn. You can make it through.” Ben gave Finn a fake punch on the chin. “Buck up, buddy.” 

“Buck up?” Rey echoed. “Really, Ben? Buck up?” 

“What’s wrong with ‘buck up?’” 

Rey shook her head. “Just be careful of your hip, Uncle Ben. Hard to recover from a fall at your age.” 

“From Great-Grandfather to Uncle, though – either you’re feeling generous or we have a Benjamin Button situation on our hands.” Ben paused for a second. “I can make a reference to Dorian Gray, right?” 

“No!” Poe and Finn yelled in unison.  

Ben shook his head. “Fine. I know what tomorrow’s lecture is going to be, though. Get ready for some literature. Rey—I'll start my stopwatch?” 

“Ready when you are,” she said, stowing her trekking poles in the side pocket of her pack. “Good luck, old man!” 

Rey and Ben set off, Ben immediately choosing to go over while Rey slid and slithered between and under rocks, her small pack and smaller form making it easy to fit in tight spaces. Ben smiled, watching her mountain goat hop from boulder to boulder. She really was an impressive hiker. She seemed to have no fear, just throwing her body up and down the granite slabs. Realizing she was getting ahead of him, he tightened the straps of his pack and sprinted up another boulder, fingers reaching the top and pulling himself up.  

“You two are nuts!” Finn yelled behind him, "and I'll laugh if you fall!" Ben grinned, looking for the next path forward. 

* 

Rey finished the notch first. Once she saw Ben using his long limbs to his advantage, she’d pushed even harder to get across the rocks. He had height on her, and the advantage of killer upper body strength, but her center of mass and flexibility gave her a leg up. He wasn’t far behind her, but she did beat him.  

“God that was impressive,” Ben said, chest heaving. “You killed it, Rey.” 

Rey fanned herself with her shirt. “You gave me a good run for my money, though. How are those joints feeling? Need to take you in for a knee replacement?” 

Ben laughed, but it sounded more like a few loud gasps. “How old do you think I am?” 

“I dunno,” Rey shrugged. “65?” 

“Alright, kid, sounds like you’re ready for a nap.” Ben chugged some water. Rey watched as some dribbled down his chin, slipping under his shirt collar.  

“Ok but really, how old are you?” Rey asked. 

“36. Old enough.” 

“Old enough for what?”  

“Pretty much anything, I guess,” Ben said. “How old are you?” 

“26.” 

“I think I could have guessed that.”  

Rey wasn’t great at picking up on flirty vibes. She worked with mostly men, but they were all engineering nerds who lacked social skills. Nobody flirted at work. She usually only knew someone was interested in her when they explicitly asked her out on a date. Or they ended up naked in her room. She was sometimes convinced that Ben was flirting with her. But then other times she thought, maybe he was just friendly and easy to talk to. Maybe it was a lawyer thing. 

Or maybe he thought about her naked as often as she thought about him naked. Which was not to say a lot, but it was more than zero times.  

“Should we go help Finn and Poe?” Rey asked. 

Ben glanced at his watch and then up at the sky. “Yeah, since that last climb will be brutal. We’ve got daylight, but not a ton of daylight.” 

They dropped their packs and picked their way back across the notch until they found Poe and Finn. Ben took Finn’s pack and Rey took Poe’s, allowing the two men to move a little easier. 

The climb after the notch was steep – Rey felt her calves burning, her lungs and heart pounding with effort. Ben had told her to go ahead and scout out a good tenting area for the group at the shelter, since it was later than they usually stopped for the day. 

There hadn’t been any good tent sites, really, but the shelter was completely empty. Rey laid down on the wooden floor, waiting to hear her friends' chatter coming down the trail. She closed her eyes, dragging the hem of her shirt up to wipe her face, then left it bunched up to help her cool off.

She hadn't expected to make friends this easily on the trail. She’d known that going SOBO would mean fewer hikers, less of a chance to find a trail family. But she’d found Ben the first day, and Finn shortly after. She wasn’t too sure how she felt about Poe. He was nice, and definitely friendly. But sometimes she couldn’t tell what he was thinking when he watched her. He seemed, maybe... too perceptive. She guessed that Ben saw just as much as Poe, if not more, but Ben didn’t ever comment on anything. Poe did.  

She didn’t love that. 

But the upsides of traveling with a trail family – sharing the burden of getting water, passing the quiet evening hours in light conversation, having someone just there to experience the same things she did – outweighed her discomfort. So far, at least.  

“Well, hello there,” a voice Rey did not recognize said. She sat up – too quickly, the blood rushing to her head and the edges of her vision darkening. She pulled her shirt back down and smoothed her hands over her hair. 

“Hi,” Rey returned, surveying this newcomer. He was taller and thin, older, with skin stretched across his bony face. There was something vaguely off-putting about the way he was looking at her. Rey dismissed her discomfort. She found most people vaguely off-putting, so that wasn’t really a fair judgement. 

“Sleeping in the shelter all alone?” he asked. 

Rey hummed. “Maybe. Waiting on my friends to decide. You?”  

She didn’t like men asking where she was sleeping. Especially when they added the ‘alone’ part.  

“Oh, we’ll see what seems like the better option,” he replied, mouth stretching into a grimace of a smile. “You must be going southbound, yes? Must be nice having the trail a little emptier now that you’re through the bubble?” 

Maybe this guy was just the most awkward man in the world, but maybe he was fishing for information. She considered un-dismissing her discomfort. 

“Gosh,” she said, adding the slightest touch of yokel to her voice, “there’s no way the bubble is already passed. I had some NOBOs today tell me there was a huge group I’d probably run into today.” 

“Really?” the man asked, his eyes boring into her, “I haven’t heard that.” 

Rey shrugged, grabbing her water bottle and choosing to chug the rest of the liter just then. 

“Don’t tell me we’re sleeping in the shelter tonight?!” Rey felt her shoulders relax at the sound of Poe’s cheerful voice. “Oh, hello.” Poe and Finn stopped at the entrance to the shelter, noticing the other hiker with Rey.

Ben set his pack down next to Rey’s but stayed standing right beside her feet, still hanging off the edge of the shelter floor. He stood straight and tall, drinking some of his water, and she watched Ben watch Finn and Poe interact with the other man. 

Ben looked intimidating. God he was tall. 

Somehow his arm and chest muscles were rippling as he was drinking water. She'd never thought there were that many muscles involved in holding a bottle of water, but... maybe.

“So you’re northbound?” Finn asked, collapsing on the shelter floor next to Rey, lungs still gasping for air. 

“For now,” the man said. “I’m retired, so I generally just pick parts of the trail I want to hike. Follow my whims, go where the wind blows.” 

“That’s cool man,” Finn said. “What’s your name?” 

“Snoke. Dr. Mustafarious Snoke. So, as you can imagine I’ve gone by Snoke most of my life,” he said, face stretching into that uncomfortable smile again. 

Finn sat up. “Yeah, I get that. I’m Finn. What kind of doctor are you?” 

Ben bumped his knee into the side of Rey’s foot gently. She glanced up but his face was impossible to read. 

“Water?” he asked quietly, lifting his now-empty water bottle. 

Rey nodded and gathered her water bottles. Ben raised his to Poe to indicate where they were going, leaving Finn enthusiastically chatting with Snoke. 

The stream was far enough away that they could no longer hear the conversation at the shelter.

“You’re quiet,” Ben said, voice low. 

“Yeah,” Rey replied. “Weird guy.” 

She looked off into the woods, trying to figure out how to explain that tension in her gut. 

Ben spoke before she could. “He’s headed north, right?” 

Rey grimaced. “I’m really not sure. For now, I guess?” 

“Well, I’m sure it’ll be fine.” 

Rey felt herself grow a little annoyed with that response. She, too, was sure it would be fine. That didn’t really make her feel any better in the moment, though.  

“The tent sites suck. Sleep in the shelter tonight?” 

Ben nodded. “Sure thing.” 

Rey arranged them, casually, naturally, while Finn was still talking with Snoke. She put Ben next to the wall of the shelter, then herself, then Finn and Poe. Rey tried to keep him or Poe as a buffer between her and Snoke. Finn was no good – he seemed to really like the man.   

She knew the statistics. Hiking the AT was very, very safe, even for women alone. She would have been fine, even if she hadn’t been hiking with the guys. 

But still. There was that prickle along the back of her neck. 

As dusk fell, Rey slipped out to walk to the privy. Just as she started back to the shelter, Snoke seemed to materialize right in front of her. 

“Oh, didn’t realize you’d headed this way,” he said, his eyes boring into hers. 

“No worries,” Rey replied. She moved to continue her walk back to the shelter, but Snoke didn’t move to the side for her to pass. “I’ll just slide on by, then,” Rey said, scooting her way around Snoke. 

He watched her walk past but didn’t say anything. 

Rey slid under her quilt in the shelter. He hadn’t done anything wrong. She was fine. She wouldn’t dismiss her unease as overreacting, but neither would she attribute her safety to the presence of the guys. Statistically, it was very unlikely Snoke would do anything more than be a little weird.  

And maybe he truly had no idea he was so awkward. 

“Wait,” Finn said, finally setting up his sleeping pad, “are we doing feet in or feet out?” 

“Feet in,” Poe said. 

“Feet out,” Ben said at the same time. 

“Check to see if the floor is level first,” Rey advised. Finn laid his water bottle down on its side and watched it roll away from him. 

“Feet out, then.” 

“Clever girl,” Snoke said from his spot on the other side of Finn. Rey didn't look in his direction.

Ben stood, pack in hand. “Anyone want me to put their pack in the bear box? I’m headed that way.” 

Handing Ben her pack with all her smellable items, Rey snuggled into her quilt. She pulled out her guidebook and noted the time she and Ben had achieved getting through Mahoosuc Notch, then wrote down “Snoke” right next to Full Goose Shelter. 

She curled on her side towards Poe, first, but then caught Snoke glancing her way. She stretched and turned to face the wall, where Ben had set up his sleeping bag. She closed her eyes, steadied her breathing, and slept. 

* 

Day 24  

Libby House Barn  

Near Mile 298.5  

September 19 

Ben stretched out on one of the ratty couches in the common area. The Barn only had one shower, so they had voted to let Rey go first. She’d come out, hair dripping, in only her sports bra and sleep leggings – so thin and lightweight they were practically see through. Her hair had dripped wet rivulets on her shoulders. Ben absolutely did not follow the snaking water with his eyes. 

They had crossed into New Hampshire a few days ago – one state down, thirteen to go – and summer was holding on with claws. 

“I come bearing gifts!” Finn sang out. After Finn’s shower, the two had wandered off together to look at the town. He handed Ben a popsicle. “We went down to that gas station and Rey mentioned she always wanted to try those bomb pops – the three color ones? -- and some guy just pulled these out of the freezer for us. Must be nice to be a girl,” Finn said, biting into his popsicle. 

Rey walked into the barn and caught a drip of her popsicle with her tongue. “Dinner and resupply after showers?”  

Ben struggled to keep his composure. 

“Yes! What’s in town?” Finn asked. 

Ben pulled out his phone and looked at the map. “Chinese buffet.” 

“You had me at buffet,” Rey said.  

“Show me the eggrolls,” Ben muttered. He looked up. “Wait. You’re quoting the Renee Zellweger character instead of the character literally named Ray?” 

“That nerd?” Rey scoffs. “The R-E-Ys of the world don’t bother socializing with the R-A-Ys.” 

“Who knew there was a whole Rey/Ray feud going on. I feel like I learn so much from you whippersnappers.” Ben scrolled around on his map, looking ahead at the next hundred miles. “The good news is we have lots of options for resupply coming up. The bad news is it’s all gas stations and visitor centers, so you’re going to pay $10 for ramen.” 

“Oh no,” Rey moaned, “I’m blowing my food budget up here.” 

“The huts in the Whites sell little baked goods and soup and stuff,” Ben added. “It’s pretty reasonable, more donation than payment. And usually very good.” 

“What are huts?” Finn asked. 

Ben stared at him, mouth agape. “When you said you just bought some gear and a plane ticket, you really meant it, huh? Did you research...anything about this hike?” 

“I did not!” Finn said cheerfully. “I just went off what Poe told me at the bar that night.” 

“And there’s no part of you that thinks, even now, like... huh, maybe I should do some research, or buy a guidebook, or anything?” 

“Why would I?” Finn shrugged. “You guys already know everything. Now. What’s a hut?” 

Ben shook his head and sighed. “In White Mountain National Forest, there are these huts – like guest houses, or summer camp bunks for adults. You can hike from hut to hut and sleep in a little bunkbed and the staff there cook all the meals. They do little informational tours and stuff around the huts, too. Like bird watching walks and stuff. There’s no electricity, so only the fridge and the range have power. Everything else is by hand. And no roads, so every scrap of food is carried up the mountains to the huts by the staff, each week, on these giant wood-frame packs.” 

“And,” Rey added, “thru hikers can ask to do a work-for-stay, where you do little chores for them and they let you sleep on the floor inside. It’s useful especially for the stretch where you’re above the tree line for so long. They feed you, too.” 

“Are the Whites the really big mountains?” 

Rey laughed. Ben sighed. “Yes, Finn, they are the really big mountains.” 

“So we’re about to hike the tallest mountains on the whole trail!” Finn said. 

Rey laughed again. Ben sighed heavily. “No, the tallest point on the AT is in Tennessee. I know that’s disappointing. It’s... I hate to ruin this for you, but there’s a sidewalk to the top.” 

“And there’s a sidewalk to the top here, too?” 

“Sometimes I worry about you, Finn. No, the Whites will probably be some of the toughest hiking on the trail. Tougher than Maine.” 

“Fuck.” Finn’s face fell. “I thought Maine was torture.” 

“It’s ok, Finn,” Rey comforted Finn, “you’re getting hiker legs, so you’ll notice a difference. Like, it’ll feel easier.” 

“Although,” Ben couldn’t help but add, “you may not notice that until after the Whites. But definitely by the time we get to Moosilauke it’ll feel a lot easier.” 

“I feel like a new man!” Poe announced, stepping into the common area with wet hair and a freshly shaved face. “All yours, Benny boy!” 

Choosing to ignore Poe’s new nickname for him, Ben dragged himself to the shower, ready to scrub off the last few days of dirt and grime. 

* 

“I feel like my stomach will explode if you poke it,” Poe moaned. 

“At least we got our money’s worth at the buffet,” Finn observed grimly. “Even if it killed us.” 

“Well, we know for sure Rey did,” Poe said, poking Rey a little in the side. “You continue to amaze me.” 

Ben glanced over when there was no joking reply from Rey. She just kept walking, hands fisted in the sleeves of her fleece, arms crossed, a tight smile on her face. 

“Frankly, I was too busy eating to pay attention to you jokers,” Ben said. “Amateur buffet behavior, if you’ve got time to see what everyone else is doing. I’ll expect better performance at the next buffet.” 

“Yes, fearless leader!” Poe barked, bringing his hand up in a mock salute. 

“Aye, aye, captain!” Finn added, imitating Poe’s salute. 

Rey was still quiet. 

“Whoa, that’s more people,” Rey finally muttered as they walked into the barn. “We did claim four beds, right?” 

The sleeping situation at the Barn was unique. The bottom part of the barn had one shower, one small washer/dryer, too many old couches, and a mini fridge and microwave. Ben felt like there were probably fleas everywhere, but so far he hadn't seen any. Upstairs, the barn loft was crammed full of beds. All types of beds. Every size, no two beds alike, maybe 6 inches between each one. Some required climbing over another bed to get to. It was chaotic.

Unfortunately, the owner of the hostel had told them that he hadn’t caught up on laundry from the last wave of hikers, so there weren’t as many beds actually available. It hadn’t seemed like a big deal when it had been just their foursome and a handful of NOBOs. But now there were people...everywhere. 

“Why don’t we go check,” he suggested. 

They stood in the loft, looking at the sleeping situation. 

“Well, fuck. That was stupid.” Ben shook his head as he looked around. Somehow, they’d ended up putting all their stuff on just two beds – thinking that, later, they’d just grab the other two beds nearby. It just hadn’t occurred to them to worry about running out of beds. 

“It’s fine,” Finn said dismissively, “Poe and I can share. We’re adults, right?” 

“Yeah, for sure,” Poe nodded. “Definitely adults.” 

“I’ll go ask if there are any other beds,” Ben offered. “Or maybe I’ll grab one of the couches downstairs. It’ll probably be hot up here anyways.” 

“It’s fine,” Rey shrugged. “We’ll make Poe and Finn take the double. We’ll take the queen. I mean, we all four slept 3 inches apart last night, basically.” 

“What if I'm a cuddler, Rey? What then?” Ben teased. He wondered if Rey was a cuddler, actually. He wasn’t opposed to the idea. 

“We’ll just have to fight over who gets to be little spoon,” she laughed. “Fight to the death.” 

“The most permanent little spoon,” Ben said mournfully. 

Rey adopted a similar mournful expression. “Rest in Eternal Little Spoon.” 

“Requiescat in aeternum... I actually don’t know the word for ‘spoon’ in Latin,” Ben said. 

“Yeah, that was definitely where that joke fell apart,” Rey said, tapping the side of her shoe against his foot. He liked this, the little taps and bumps. It was fun.  

“Don’t worry, I remember enough high school Latin to teach a little mini class tomorrow.” Ben clapped his hands. “But for tonight, it looks like we’re having a sleepover. Come on, girls, let’s go downstairs. I’ll braid your hair and we can play light as a feather, stiff as a board.” 

“Ooh, me first!” Poe said, bounding down the stairs. “I want to be the board!” 

“But will he be a stiff board,” Rey said under her breath, leaning in so Ben could hear. 

“Depends on where Finn puts his hands, I think,” Ben muttered back. 

“Dirty, Ben!” Rey said, her giggles – could that be classified as a giggle? He wasn’t quite sure where the line was between a laugh and a giggle, but it felt like a giggle – making him feel a little giddy. 

Rey calling him dirty... he felt a little something about that, too. 

* 

Ben had never seen someone fall asleep so quickly. Despite their joking around, he’d fully expected there to be some sexual tension or awkwardness or something when he and Rey finally crawled into their bed. But no, before he’d come back from brushing his teeth she was under the blanket, and by the time he sat down on the bed, her breathing had evened out. He got his legs under the blanket and heard a small snore. 

He didn’t sleep well, though, in the large, open loft, full of so many other bodies. He’d woken at 5am, tried to go back to sleep for a little while, then finally got dressed and walked into town. 

He came back with a few dozen donuts and an assortment of breakfast sandwiches. Ben saved the bag of sandwiches and one box of donuts, then left the rest on a table for anyone to grab. He settled on a couch with his coffee and sandwich and pulled up a book on his phone. 

“Are you the donut fairy?”  

Ben looked up at the unfamiliar voice. “Oh, maybe, I guess?” 

“Either way, thanks!” The woman was pretty – smooth, light skin, bright eyes, and hair twisted up into two buns on the top of her head. She flopped down next to him on the couch, sitting sideways with her knees pulled up. “I’m Kaydel, SOBO, from Tennessee.” 

“Ben, SOBO, from Massachusetts,” he replied. She was friendly. 

“So, Ben, what kind of job did you have that allows you to buy this many donuts?” 

“Lawyer. Force of habit, always had to keep the paralegals happy and fed.” 

“Oooh, what flavor?” Kaydel asked, face brightening. Ben knew she wasn't asking about donuts.

“Big Law. Litigation.” 

“Well, that explains the donuts,” Kaydel said, laughter in her voice. “Did you defend the white collar criminals?” 

“Someone has to,” Ben shrugged. “What about you?” 

“ADA in Chattanooga.” 

“How’d you get into that?” Ben asked, taking a sip of his coffee. 

“My dad was an ADA.” 

“Nice,” Ben said, nodding his head. She was nice. She was pleasant to talk to and laughed easily. Ben idly wondered if they would end up hiking with Kaydel for a while. 

“So when did you start?” she asked. 

“August 26.” 

“Fast! I was the 17th. Had problems with blisters at first. What kind of mileage have you been doing?” 

“Generally 12-15ish mile days, depending on the elevation profile. Looking forward to getting over Moosilauke and picking up some speed.” 

“Finally!” Kaydel groaned, “some indication that things will get easier!” She shook her fists at the sky. Ben chuckled lightly. 

“So I take it you didn’t love Mahoosuc Notch?” 

“Torture!!” Kaydel was melodramatic, Ben thought. Finn would probably love her. “Took me almost two hours to get through there!! There’s nothing I hate more than looking up and just seeing a pile of boulders.” 

“I’ve got bad news for you,” Ben said, quirking his lips.  

Kaydel clamped a hand on his bicep. “Don’t tell me. Don’t tell me it gets worse!” 

“It definitely doesn’t get better,” he said. She shook his arm lightly.  

“Aarrgghhh! Just for that, I’m taking another donut. You’ve ruined my morning!” Kaydel stood up and sauntered to the table with the extra boxes of donuts. She bent over, inspecting them. “Damn, you really did get the good ones. You must have been AM100 with all that fancy donut money.” 

“Usually just ask for an assorted box. Easiest way to do it, really.”  

She sat back down, taking a bite out of her donut. “Come on, tell me. AM100? How high?” 

Ben wobbled his head back and forth, hedging. “Ehh... high enough.” 

“Don’t do that, SOBO Ben. Come on. Tell me,” she said, giving him something between puppy dog eyes and a stare-down. “I’m not a quitter, I can keep this up all day! Come on, out with it.” 

He blew air out of his lungs. “Top 10.” 

“Holy shit,” Kaydel said, “I know you said big law but I didn’t think you meant BIG law. Yale?” 

“Nah,” Ben said. “Harvard.” 

“Just Harvard, he says!” Kaydel shook her head at Ben. “Sure. Just the third best law school in the country.” 

“I think it's like five now, maybe,” Ben said, distracted. He caught movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to look. Rey was up, scurrying outside to the port-a-potty, he guessed. Was it weird, knowing this much about his friends? He decided to think about that... much later. “I was lucky in a lot of ways. What made you want to come hike the AT?” 

Ben wasn’t uncomfortable talking about law school and his job. He just didn’t love someone making such a big deal about it. It wasn’t a big deal to him, mostly because he knew so many people growing up who went to Ivy league schools and worked in Big Law. He had more recommendations than he knew what to do with. He got summer associate offers on just his name... until he’d dropped the Organa from Organa-Solo. It didn’t mean as much because he hadn’t had to do the same work that someone else would have. He still worked hard; he still earned the grades. But his wheels were definitely better greased than other people’s.  

“Friend of a friend hiked the PCT last year, thought it looked cool. Really loved the idea of walking back home, though, so I chose the AT.” Ben listened with one ear, making appropriate noises of interest while he watched the door for Rey. “--don’t you think?” 

“I’m sorry, what was that? Not enough coffee,” he said sheepishly, covering his inattention. He dragged his eyes away from the door to focus back on Kaydel. He’d been rude. 

“I said this was the weirdest hostel I’ve stayed at so far.” 

“Oh, yeah,” Ben nodded, “probably so." 

“Did the owner pick you up at the trail? I thought that Buick was going to fall apart!” Kaydel touched his arm again as she laughed. “Those red velvet seats! Felt like Elvis! Probably smelled like Elvis, too.” 

He smiled and huffed a short laugh. He saw Rey’s legs disappearing up the stairs. He’d missed her again. She’d be back down soon, though.  

“Alright, here’s a question. Would you rather have to repeat CivPro or ConLaw? Because I know my answer and it’s that I would rather drop out.” Kaydel’s easy laugh bubbled up again, her friendly hand back on his arm. Ben laughed, hoping it didn’t sound forced. She really was easy to talk to, and she had a nice laugh.

“Don’t tell me you loved environmental,” he said. She made an absurd face, then launched into a story about the professor she had. 

He wondered idly if anyone else was ever going to get up this morning. 

* 

Rey hadn’t really meant to fall asleep so quickly but having a full belly for the first time in what felt like weeks had made it all too easy. She’d slept like the dead. She didn’t hear Ben get up this morning, which honestly did surprise her a little bit.  

She’d grabbed a few toiletries and slipped outside to use the port-a-potty and brush her teeth. She’d been surprised to see Ben chatting so easily with the pretty hiker on the couch. He didn’t see her, or at least didn’t say anything, when she walked out, but he’d have to see her when she came back in. 

He hadn’t, though. He’d been laughing with the woman, her hand on his arm. Rey had felt a little embarrassed, then. It’s not like she and Ben were a thing. But Rey felt like they had a fun little back and forth. Sometimes it felt like flirting. He kept sliding her his extra food, jokingly spritzing her with bug spray whenever she started slapping mosquitoes. They so often ended up away from Poe and Finn, just the two of them.  

Rey did not want to go down the path of thinking this meant more than it actually did. Either for her and Ben or for the other hiker and Ben. She did not want to convince herself that Ben waking up so early was because he really didn’t want to be so close to her. She did not want to believe that Ben saw her but chose not to say anything. 

All of that was ridiculous, and there was absolutely no actual evidence to support those conclusions. 

But. 

Rey stood up from the bed she’d shared with Ben, stuffed her things back in her pack, and shook off her insecurities. She was going to go back downstairs, grab some coffee, and say hi to Ben like a normal human being. 

The first two parts were going well. She’d made it back down the stairs. She’d grabbed a cup of coffee. Ben had given her a small wave, but he seemed enthralled by whatever the other hiker was saying. Rey tried to listen in, thinking maybe she could join in their conversation, but it was all lawyer stuff. She had no idea what they were actually talking about. 

So instead, Rey wandered around the downstairs of the barn, sipping her coffee and looking at all the hiker detritus scattered about. She thumbed through some paperbacks, she looked at pictures, she even sat and read the hiker log for what felt like an hour. And still, Ben kept on talking with the woman. 

Like an answer to her prayers, Finn and Poe came trudging down the stairs, bleary eyed and yawning. 

“Whoa, donuts!” Finn mumbled. “Can we eat these?” Finn looked around. Rey just shrugged. 

“Yeah,” Ben said from his place on the couch, “but I have some for us over here.” 

Finn nabbed a donut and walked outside with it. Poe trailed after him. 

Rey assumed she was included in the 'us.' They’d been all four hiking together, so she should be. But Ben hadn’t said anything to her – he'd only said that when Finn and Poe came down. She felt petty and sour. 

Then again, they had asked.  

She flipped through whatever stupid paperback she’d grabbed, waiting for Finn and Poe to return. And they did, eventually. But they didn’t say anything to her. They went and sat on the couch across from Ben and the woman. 

Rey felt her heart speed up, something constricting across her ribs and her throat. It snaked down into her gut and made her tense up. 

Rey watched Ben hand around another sack. Poe and Finn reached in and each grabbed a sandwich, wrapped in foil. They smiled and said something to Ben that made him laugh. The woman laughed too. Finn tossed the woman a sandwich, and all three moaned as they ate them. She started talking animatedly with Finn. Rey stared at her book, trying to will her heart to slow back down, or at least not be so loud.

As soon as she could breathe normally, she’d go over and talk. As soon as she could trust her eyes to not cry, she’d go socialize.  

She wasn’t usually this emotional. She didn’t normally get so bothered by stuff like this. 

She didn’t normally have people she spent so much time with, considered her friends so quickly. 

She wasn’t normally this hungry. 

She wasn't normally this tired.

Someone dropped something heavy upstairs and the woman next to Ben jumped, knocking his arm a little. He spilled his coffee on his shorts. Rey watched him walk to the sink to try and blot it out.  

She felt like a spy. This was creepy, watching them interact. But still, none of them had said anything to her. And she didn’t know what that meant. If it meant anything at all. 

She reminded herself that very few root causes would ever attribute this situation to her friends all suddenly deciding they hated her. That wasn’t a reasonable assumption to make in this situation.  

She stood up to go refill her coffee. That would put her right next to the couches. It would be normal, then, to sit down with everyone.  

Her hands were barely shaking when she lifted the coffee pot. She turned around. Poe, Finn, and the woman, all happily munching on sandwiches. Ben turned off the sink and turned around. 

“Morning, Rey,” he said, finally, thankfully, to her. “You were out like a light last night. Sleep ok?” 

“Yeah,” she said, “slept like a rock. Sorry if I kicked you or snored or anything.” 

Ben frowned. “No, I’m pretty sure you didn’t actually move in your sleep at all. You just laid down, curled up in a ball, fell asleep in 30 seconds, and looked like you hadn’t budged an inch when I woke up.  No sleep talking, no snoring.” 

“Good to know,” Rey murmured.  

Poe finally shoved Finn down a bit to make room for Rey on the couch with them.  

“Oh, Rey, there you are. This is Kaydel,” Finn said. “She’s a SOBO, too!” 

“Awesome!” Rey said, feigning as much enthusiasm as she could. Her throat felt scratchy and raw all the sudden. The coffee was shit. “I’m Rey. Nice to meet you.” 

“Yeah, you too! Looks like y’all have a fun little tramily going on! I feel like I’ve been hiking alone since I started,” Kaydel said with a little laugh. “Lonely nights.” 

“Hike with us!” Finn said. “It’s way more fun in a group. Plus we have our leader Ben who makes all our decisions for us.” 

“And also gives us lectures on dead languages,” Poe added. 

“Ok, now this does sound like a good time!” Kaydel said. “Hell yeah, love a good lecture while I’m hiking.” 

“If you also love obscure, pretentious jokes that no one else understands, you’ll probably love Ben,” Finn continued. “Although since you’re a lawyer too, I bet you’ll actually understand all his puns.” 

Ben leaned forward for the paper sack of sandwiches. He frowned, then muttered, “Could have sworn there was another sandwich in there.”   

“Sorry,” Finn said, licking croissant flakes and bacon grease off his fingers, “Kaydel and I split the last one. It was getting cold.” 

“Delicious, though,” Kaydel added. “I was starving, for real. Nice little trail magic to start the day.” 

Rey swallowed thickly.  

“No problem,” Ben said, a little furrow between his brows. He balled up the empty paper bag and tossed it in the garbage can. “Want a donut, Rey?” 

Rey looked at the box he held out to her. “Sure, thanks,” she said, picking one at random. 

“Didn’t take you for a strawberry donut fan,” Ben said. 

“Is that what it is?” Rey shrugged. “I’m not picky. Just grabbed one.” 

“Strawberry are the worst, though!” Kaydel said, laughing. “You need to raise your standards, girl.” 

Finn chuckled. “Nah, Rey has no standards when it comes to food. If it’s edible, she eats it.” 

Poe patted Rey’s leg. “Don’t tease. She ate all of those Clif bars you called ‘worse than eating moose poop.’ Imagine if you were still carrying them.” 

“Could not be me,” Kaydel said. “If it’s not exactly what I want in that moment, I can’t eat it.” 

Rey suddenly felt like everyone was watching her eat. It was torture. It was paralyzing. The donut was dry and crumbly in her mouth. She took another sip of coffee, trying to wash it down. 

“God, what was it you ate the other night, Rey?” Finn asked. “It was disgusting. Like a packet of ramen and a squirt of olive oil and then instant mashed potatoes. Almost threw up my dinner, honestly.” 

“Olive oil is smart, though,” Kaydel pointed out. “Lots of calories, not very heavy. All that good fat.” 

“But just adding a squirt of it in the ramen? And then the potatoes? No thank you,” Finn cringed, sticking out his tongue in disgust. 

“What time do you guys want to head out today?” Ben asked, changing the subject. Rey could have kissed him. Just for changing the subject. So they could stop discussing her eating habits. Not for anything else, at this point in time. 

Probably. 

Well, he had decided to give everyone but her a breakfast sandwich, so maybe she didn’t want to kiss Ben regardless of his conversational redirect. 

“I’m packed,” Rey offered. 

“Of course you are,” Finn said, sighing dramatically. “Always the first one up, the first one out, the first one to camp.” 

Rey managed a nervous chuckle. This was a strangely brutal summary of her behaviors. 

“Whew! Hell no, you keep that to yourself. Let me sleep in and sip my coffee and listen to the birds chirp,” Kaydel said. “I don’t have that kind of discipline in me. Just enough to get me through torts.” 

Kaydel bumped Ben’s knee with her own.  

“That was my favorite class,” Ben said. 

Kaydel laughed. She had a pretty, easy laugh. “Of course it was, BigLaw.” 

“What’s Big Law?” Rey asked, grabbing another donut. 

“Big paycheck lawyers,” Kaydel explained. “Work the hardest, get paid the most. Big firms, some will basically only recruit from top 5 schools. BigLaw is where all the Harvard Law grads end up, basically.” 

“Wait, really?” Rey didn’t know if she was asking about the big paycheck part or the Harvard part. 

“How did you keep that a secret from them?” Kaydel asked, smacking Ben with the back of her hand. “But really, you couldn’t tell just by looking at him? He’s got Big Law written all over him. You can just smell the Ivy.” 

Rey felt her eyebrows raise. How had she not known that? No wonder he made jokes in Latin.  

“For real,” Kaydel continued, “he’s at like a top 10 law firm in the country.” 

“Was,” Ben corrected quietly. “I quit. Probably won’t go back.” 

“Nah, you’re a Big Law lifer,” Kaydel said. “There’s no way you can stay away from that. Too much ambition.” 

Ben shrugged and stood up. “Who knows. Lot can happen between now and Georgia. I’m going to go finish getting my shit together, then run by the gas station for some last minute stuff. I’m feeling like I didn’t get enough oatmeal.” 

“Good idea,” Kaydel said, standing with him. “Thanks for the sandwich and the good convo! Great meeting all y’all!” 

“Don’t run off,” Finn said, “wait and head out with us!” 

“Hell yeah, of course!” Kaydel high fived Finn. They bumped hips, too. Rey chewed her bottom lip, thinking. 

“You’re awfully quiet this morning,” Poe eventually said, once Finn, Kaydel, and Ben had gone upstairs to get their stuff together. 

Rey grimaced. “Just one of those days.” 

“Can’t believe that meaty, cheesy sandwich didn’t get you more amped!” Poe said, grabbing her knee and shaking it a little.

“Ah, no sandwich. Just the donut.” 

Poe sat for a minute.  

“Huh. I figured you’d already had one, since you were down here before us. Sorry, I guess Finn and Kaydel probably ate yours.” 

“No big deal,” Rey shook her head, “donuts were a great surprise.” 

“Next time,” Poe promised. 

* 

Ben felt like an ass. 

Kaydel was nice. Very nice. And very smart, clearly. They’d had a good time, joking about the bar and their worst classes, the crazy things that happened when they were summer associates. But Ben knew he should have asked her to hold on, once Rey walked downstairs. He knew he should have motioned Rey over. 

He’d been trying to be polite. He knew sometimes he looked distracted, or like he wasn’t paying attention. In fairness, usually he wasn’t actually paying attention. He was trying to be more present. Appreciate the moment. Shit Uncle Luke would have cross stitched on a fucking tea towel.  

But it had felt rude, interrupting her to say something to Rey. And then the coffee spilled, and the two sandwiches he’d gotten for Rey (because she needed two sandwiches, God, did Finn not see how much she needed every calorie she could get? He was starting to worry about Finn’s situational awareness) were gone. He’d never offered Kaydel a sandwich. It would have been a little awkward, giving everyone else one and not Kaydel, but he had just met her. He had no way of knowing he needed an extra sandwich for her. 

And somehow Kaydel had eaten 1.5 breakfast sandwiches, and Rey had eaten 0.

This was the last time he bought surprise sandwiches. 

He never wanted to think about breakfast sandwiches again. 

He’d run across the street, though, and see if the gas station had something more substantial than donuts for Rey. Maybe they’d have a sausage biscuit. At least he could do that. 

Chapter Text

Day 25  

Near Carter Notch Hut  

Mile 313.7  

September 20  

Finn and Kaydel had gotten on like a house on fire, as Ben’s mom would have said. Poe was friendly with Kaydel, too, but seemed a little miffed at Finn’s sudden attachment.  

Ben liked Kaydel, but she had a naturally outgoing personality that tended to dominate conversations. With Finn’s utter refusal to take note of anything going on around him, they tended to steamroll a little.  

Never in a mean way, at all. And they were very fun and very funny to listen to.  

But they did go off on some tangents. 

The hiking had been ok. They’d started out as a group, leaving the hostel together and walking through Gorham to get back to the trail. Rey had ended up at the back of the group, somehow, with Finn and Kaydel at the front. They’d chattered the whole way, Poe, Ben, and Rey mostly listening. It was pretty funny – a lot of debates about musicals and some singing TV show. Ben couldn’t hear all of it, so he doubted Rey got any of it.  

He tried to get Rey to walk ahead of him but she said no, she was just enjoying the scenery. 

He spent three miles trying to figure out if that was innuendo or not. 

He didn’t think so. But maybe? 

At their first break, Rey had been antsy. She hadn’t eaten much – claimed the donuts she’d had were enough (the gas station didn’t have any goddamn breakfast sandwiches) – and headed out before the rest of the group. Ben finished his granola bar and tried to catch up, but Kaydel had finished at the same time and wanted to pick his brain about his old firm. She had managed to keep up with him so he’d talked with her for most of the day. Ben never figured out a good way to tell her that he wanted to hike slightly faster and would she please not try to keep up with him, even though it would be a very awkward slow fade into the distance. 

He finally saw Rey again just before Carter Notch Hut, sitting at an overlook just off the trail. 

“How long have you been here?” he asked. 

“Not too long,” Rey replied, “maybe a half hour.” 

“You’re a beast,” Kaydel said, impressed. “So what are you doing out here? Killing time?” 

"No, I went in and talked to the croo. No spots left. They only take two hikers and they're already filled.” 

“Ugh,” Kaydel said. “That blows.” 

“Sounds like that’s how most of the huts are, and there’s a little mini-bubble of NOBOs coming through right now. Add in Labor Day hikers and I don’t think we’ll be getting many work-for-stay opportunities.” 

Ben sighed. "Probably just Lakes, then.” 

Rey nodded. 

“Is that Lake of the Clouds?” Kaydel asked. 

Lakes, he wanted to correct her.

“Yeah,” Ben said instead, “it’s bigger and because of where it’s located they take in more hikers. Not to feed, but there’s like a stone room under the hut that has a few bunks in it. Called the dungeon.” 

“So what do we do tonight?” Kaydel asked. 

“There’s a stealth site just down this side trail. I walked down and it was still empty, so there should be room for all of us.” Rey indicated a blue blaze trail branching off from the AT.

The three stood in silence for a moment. 

Ben turned to Rey and started, “What did you--” 

“So where are you--” Kaydel asked Rey at the same time. 

“Sorry,” Ben said, “you first.” 

“Oh, no, I was just going to ask Rey where she was from! We haven’t really had a chance to talk much.” 

“Arizona. You’re from Chattanooga?” 

“Well that’s where I live. Originally from Knoxville. And I assume you know I’m the do-gooder version of Ben, as an assistant district attorney. What do you do?” 

“I’m an engineer. Mechanical. Work at a construction site.” 

“That sounds dirty,” Kaydel said with a laugh. “I guess you’re used to stuff like this.” 

Ben watched Rey, wondering how she took that statement, but her face was neutral. 

“Yes and no. Used to being outside a lot, not used to humidity at all.” 

“And it makes it so much worse!” Kaydel said. 

“Like a backwards swamp cooler,” Rey said. 

“I’m just going to guess that makes sense to science people,” Kaydel said, “because I don’t get that at all.” 

Rey shrugged. “It’s not particularly clever, not really anything to get. Swamp coolers only work with low humidity.” 

Ben felt like the whole rhythm of the conversation was off. Something wasn’t clicking, and it was frustrating him. 

He pulled out a protein bar and decided to snack. “Want one?” he offered to Rey. She shook her head no. “Kaydel?” 

“What flavor?” 

Ben inspected the label. “Birthday cake?” 

“Hell yes, love these things. I do cross fit – my entire box is like obsessed with them.” 

Ben tossed Kaydel the bar and pulled out another one for himself. They three sat in silence, Ben and Kaydel chewing their protein bars and Rey leaning back, legs stretched out in front of her, staring at the view. 

“Oh!” Kaydel said, eventually, “I was going to tell you about that one case where the guy kept incriminating himself, wasn’t I?” 

It was a funny story, and Kaydel was a good storyteller. Rey seemed engaged, but there wasn’t much to say. Ben missed hearing Rey's little jokes and quips.  

When Poe and Finn eventually arrived, Ben stood up and gave Rey a hand. She surprisingly took it, allowing him to pull her up. She started to brush off her shorts then took a few quick steps back, reaching for a tree behind her. 

Ben lunged forward and grabbed her arm to try and steady her.  

“You ok, Rey?” he asked quietly. She had her eyes closed and her head bowed, taking a few deep breaths. 

She shook her head and finally looked up at him. “Yeah, fine. Just stood up too quickly.” 

Ben nodded, and somehow managed to not say any of the things that had immediately popped in his head. 

They all set up their tents, then gathered around a few fallen logs to eat. 

“Ok Rey, so do I get to see the Ramen Bomb in person?” Kaydel asked. “I’m dying to see what it looks like. I’ve only ever read about people eating it!” 

“Oh,” Rey said, surprised, “ah... I wasn’t planning on making a ramen bomb tonight. Couldn’t get more mashed potatoes in Gorham. Just ramen, no bomb.” 

“Such a disappointment,” Kaydel said with a shake of her head. 

The group fell into silence, everyone chewing and scraping their mugs.  

Ben grabbed a tortilla and used it to mop up the last of the sauce clinging to the walls of his pot. He was still hungry. 

“If I make a second dinner, will someone eat the other half? I’m hungry, but not that hungry, and I don’t want to eat all my good snacks yet.” 

“Depends on what it is,” Poe said. “Although there’s always Rey!” 

Ben really could have punched Poe. He thinks even Uncle Luke might have seen it as justified. 

“Nah, not that hungry tonight,” Rey said, making herself a cup of tea. 

“I will,” Finn said. Ben nodded. That was not how he had intended this to go, but it was fine, he had plenty of food and it wasn’t an issue to get more, not in the Whites. 

They talked aimlessly as a group, conversation never straying far from food and the trail. 

Poe looked up from his guidebook. “So how far are we planning on hiking tomorrow? Looks like we can do a 13.7 mile day to Madison Spring Hut, or a 10.7 mile day to Osgood Tentsite.” 

“We’ve got the Wildcats tomorrow,” Ben said. “They’re pretty tough. And then Pinkham Notch, I think.” 

“Wildcats, in the house!” Kaydel sang, randomly. 

“Everybody say it now!” Finn finished. 

“Absolutely not,” Poe said firmly. “We’re not getting started on a group sing-along. Are we doing 10.7?” 

“I think that sounds reasonable,” Finn said. “The Whites suck, so far.” 

“The Presis will be fun, though,” Ben said. “If you like...rocks.” 

“I hate rocks, actually,” Finn replied. 

“I hate to tell you this, but you’re in the Granite State now,” Rey said, sipping her tea quietly. 

“Gross, I hate it,” Finn whined. “10.7 and we can have a leisurely coffee hour in the morning?” 

“Ben’s coffee?” Poe asked. 

“Kaydel, you will not believe how delicious this coffee is,” Finn said. “Group coffee time is the best. Except Rey never sticks around for it, she’s always gone.” 

“Yum, love some snobby coffee!” Kaydel said, dancing a little from her seat on the log. 

“What’s after the Madison Spring Hut?” Rey asked. 

“The next place to camp is Lakes of the Clouds Hut, another 7 miles,” Poe answered. Rey nodded, thinking. 

* 

Rey watched Ben stand up to put something in his tent. When he came back, he sat next to her on the ground, leaning his back against the log like she was. 

“How’s the tea?” he asked quietly. 

“Delicious, as always. Want some?” 

“Nah, never developed a taste for the stuff.” 

“Well you’re a full-blown barista now, so you’re clearly committed to the coffee life.” 

Ben frowned. “Yeah, I’m not really sure how that happened.” 

“You went to all those fancy schools trying to avoid--” Rey yawned, covering her mouth as her jaw popped, “-- being a barista, and you end up one on accident.” 

“That’s how you know I was a nepo baby,” Ben said, fighting a yawn himself. “Not actually smart enough to avoid becoming an accidental barista, despite all the fancy schools.” 

“At least you can claim you were following your passion.” 

“Is coffee my passion? I feel like there are other things I’m more passionate about. Coffee is just... something I’m snobby about.” 

“Makes sense, I guess, since all snobbery seems to originate in the Ivy League. It’s like the breeding ground for snobs, right?” 

Ben cocked his head. “I think it’s kind of like eels. No one’s really sure where the snobbery is conceived, it just suddenly shows up in New England, birthed.” 

“I’d love to hear more about this eel sex thing.” 

“Unfortunately, I think that’s really all I know about it.” Ben tapped his foot against hers. “You considering a 20 tomorrow?” 

“How’d you guess? Am I that obvious?” 

“No. I just know that a 10 mile day sounds frustrating to me, so it had to sound extra frustrating to you. And 13 isn’t much better.” 

Ben was right. The thought of a 13 mile day made Rey antsy and uncomfortable. Like it wasn’t enough progress. She felt pretty good – her feet were doing fine, knees in good shape. Her hips and shoulders were still bruising from her pack, but that only bothered her when she stopped, really.  

And she wasn’t sure she had enough food to get through the Whites so slowly. 

“The only problem would be if the dungeon is full. Not a lot of other options around there, right?” 

“Yeah, it’s in the Alpine zone, so you’re kind of stuck. But usually that means that Lakes has more flexibility on letting hikers stay.”  

“Then 60 more miles until Glencliff?” 

“Yeah, or 54 to Kinsman Notch and North Woodstock. That’s... are you planning on doing 20s all the way to Hanover?” Ben turned to study her face. 

Rey considered this for a moment. It would be a fast pace for the Whites, and then up and over Moosilauke, but she knew everything was more expensive up north. She wanted to get out of New England as quickly as she could. Within reason, of course. 

“Maybe,” she said finally. “I guess I’ll see how tomorrow goes.” 

Ben said nothing. Rey sipped her tea. 

Her stomach grumbled. 

She clapped a hand to it. 

“Still hungry?” Ben asked. 

“Apparently. Not sure I feel like eating anything else.” 

Ben turned to look at her more closely. “You’re not dehydrated, are you?” 

“Nah. I’ve peed plenty today, thank you very much. I’ll... I’ll eat a snack before I brush my teeth. I think I’ve got a granola bar in my food bag.” 

Liar. She didn’t. 

Rey had stuck to her very tight food budget at the last resupply. She was banking on hiker boxes at the huts and maybe getting a work for stay or two, where she could load up on calories. She’d make sure and check all the huts tomorrow, to see if they had any leftovers they needed to get rid of. That would help. 

It would be fine, if she didn’t find anything. She wasn’t stupid. It would just be easier, if she did.  

She really didn’t expect to have this many people concerned with her eating habits when she decided to hike the AT. It seemed like half of the conversations she had were about food. The main social activity was eating. 

It was just... a lot. Especially for a kid who always got in trouble for eating too much, taking the good pieces, eating like she was feral; got made fun of for eating the off brand stuff, picking mold off her bread, buying dented cans. She hadn’t had to deal with any of that, once she’d gotten to college. She could eat at odd hours in the cafeteria, the one year she had a meal plan. She could keep snacks in the drawer next to her bed. She could eat quietly in her cube at work, the top drawer of her desk a little hoard of crackers and peanuts and fortune cookies. 

She just wanted to exist without commentary on her diet. 

“I picked up some oatmeal cream pies at the gas station if you’re interested,” Ben offered. 

“I didn’t peg you for a cream pie kind of guy.” 

Ben gave her a long, inscrutable look. Rey was confused, until she realized what she’d said.  

Mercifully, Ben didn’t call her on it.  

“The calorie per ounce ratio is very appealing. Otherwise, no. Plus, I read once that Nick Saban eats two every morning for breakfast.” 

"Two cream pies every morning. That’s dedication, right there.” She said it on purpose this time, just to see what he’d do. 

“If you’re going to do something, do it right, you know? Really commit.” 

“Did you know they’re crunchy, when they come off the line?” 

Ben stared at her. “What’s crunchy? What line?” 

“Oatmeal cream pies. The cookies are crunchy when they’re fresh. They soften up as they absorb the moisture from the filling. It’s hard until the cream pie, and then it softens.” 

“What’s your full name?” His question took her by surprise. 

“My full name? Like first, middle, last?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I want to know what your ‘in trouble’ name is, so I can say it when you should be in trouble.” 

“Rey Johnson.” 

“Rey Johnson, that’s inappropr—no middle name?” 

“Nope.” 

“Huh. Why not?” 

“Ask me in like... three states.” 

Ben gave her another of his long, searching looks. “Ok, three states.” 

“What’s your full name?” she demanded. 

“I don’t know that you’re ready for this.” 

“Try me.” 

“Benjamin Bail Organa-Solo.” 

“That’s a lot of names.” 

“No kidding. Want one? I feel like I have an extra.” 

“Are you proposing to me?” 

“What?” 

“You’re offering me your name. Are you proposing?” 

“I--- well, I...” 

“Benjamin Bail Organa-Solo, sometimes you’re too easy.” 

“Rey Johnson, you irk me.” 

“Good. Glad to know I’m doing something right.” 

“I think you’re doing a lot of things right.” 

This time it was Rey giving Ben a long look. “That’s very kind of you to say.” 

“It’s true.” 

“I always heard baristas were like bartenders for morning people, but I’ve never actually experienced it myself.” 

Ben groaned. “Honestly, how did I end up making coffee for that many people?” 

“You’re too nice.” 

“Literally no one has ever said that about me before.” 

“And yet... you have three hikers counting on your morning coffee.” 

“I’m just going to get up early. Hike out with you. Avoid the whole thing.” 

“You think you can be up at 5am?” 

“I survived my Uncle Luke. I can do anything.” 

“We’ll see,” Rey laughed. “I’m going to head to bed. This was fun. Nice chat.” 

“Yeah, good game, good game.” 

Rey hopped up, then blinked hard and bent over quickly, putting her hands on her knees. She took a few deep breaths, waiting for her head to stop swimming and the earth to quit tilting. 

“Stood up too fast?” 

“Yeah, head rush.” 

“Take it easy, Rey.” 

She gave Ben a smile. “You, too.” 

* 

5am came exactly the way Rey expected it to. Early, and quietly. 

What she did not expect, however, was to see Benjamin Bail Organa-Solo sitting in the same spot where they’d talked last night, sipping coffee from his pot. 

“What the fuck?” Rey mumbled, blinking her eyes. 

“Good morning, sleepy head,” Ben said quietly, careful to not disturb the rest of their group, still sleeping (and snoring) in their tents. 

“I can’t believe you actually got up this early.” 

“And I’m already packed,” Ben bragged. “I weighed my options and decided I’d rather do a 20 today. And make coffee for one to two people, instead of four.” 

“Are they going to be freaked out when they don’t see us again today?” 

“Nah,” Ben said, “I told Poe last night I was going to try to push further today. Promised I’d at least wait for them in Hanover, if they didn’t catch up beforehand.” 

“Why Hanover? Actually, wait, I really need to pee, so hold that thought.” 

Rey stumbled further into the woods, trying to find a decent tree to hug. Ben had surprised her, being awake and ready to go this morning. She couldn’t deny the fact that she was looking forward to hiking with him again. Just him. 

Rey finished her morning routine and packed up quickly, turning down Ben’s offer of coffee. 

“I thought you were trying to deny your fate as a barista.” 

“Yeah, but if you make coffee for just one person you’re not a barista, you’re just... a nice guy.” 

“Unfortunately, you’ll have to be just a guy today. Never got a taste for the stuff unless I had a ton of cream and sugar. Or a hot chocolate packet.” 

“Like a sad mocha?” 

“Exactly.” 

“Clever.” 

“Desperate.” 

“Necessity is the mother of invention, right?” 

“Desperation is the killer of taste buds, I think.” 

“Unlikely. What wouldn’t a packet of hot chocolate improve?” 

Rey considered this for a moment.  

“Green beans.” 

“Fair. Are you ready?” 

“I am. Now,” Rey said, as they set off down the trail, “why Hanover?” 

“Went to school there. You can camp for free in the woods behind the soccer field and there are a bunch of restaurants with really good deals for thru hikers. Free donuts at one place too, I think. It’s a fun town.” 

“I figured Hanover would be expensive.” 

“It is, for real people. But it’s very hiker friendly. The Dartmouth Outing Club usually leaves their meeting room open so you can use wifi and electricity. But since school is back in session, that may not be possible. But I know other places.” 

“Sounds like you’re a regular Hanover tour guide.” 

“Stick with me, kid, and you’ll go places.” 

“Well. I’ll go to Hanover, at least.” 

“And frankly, you’d get there on your own anyways.” 

“Also true. Glad we’re on the same page, Benjamin Bail Organa-Solo.” 

*** 

She hadn’t eaten breakfast. She drank a bunch of water, but she didn’t eat breakfast. He’d pulled almonds out of his hipbelt pocket after a few miles, and she still hadn’t eaten anything. She’d barely stopped for a break. 

He gave her one of his airpods and they listened to a few podcasts while they hiked, then some music once they got tired of that. At one point they listened to an episode of The Office. 

Still, she didn’t stop to eat. 

They didn’t stop at Pinkham Notch Visitors Center. She just kept on going, plowing her way up Mount Madison.  

She did stop at Madison Spring Hut. They went inside, greeting the hut croo. 

There was a hiker box next to the door, and Rey stopped there first. Ben went up to the kitchen croo members while she was occupied. 

“Do you have any baked goods?” 

“Yeah, cookies. 2 for $5.” 

“If I give you $10, can you tell her that you have some you have to throw away? Or that they fell on the floor or something?” 

“Sure? You don’t want me to actually drop them on the floor, do you?” 

“No, no, just a plausible reason to make them free. As far as she’s concerned.” 

The woman shrugged. “Sure.” 

“Great. I’ll take soup and bread, too.” 

“We do actually have old bread that I can give away. And I could do two bowls of soup.” 

Ben flashed her a smile. “Fantastic. Thanks so much.” He handed her the cash, then sat down at one of the empty tables to wait for his soup. 

Rey was still rummaging through the hiker box, but it looked like she’d only found a packet of fruit snacks so far. 

When she eventually stood up, he watched her lean against the wall for a moment before she straightened walked over to him.  

“I see your scavenging has paid off,” Ben said. “Made with real fruit juice?” 

“Yes, but they spelled fruit f-r-o-o-t, so... I’m not sure what that actually means.” 

“Hey,” the kitchen croo worker said, “here’s your soup. We actually have way too much for this time of day, so you get a bonus soup. If you guys want some day old bread or if you’re not picky about cookies that may have touched the ground, I’ll give you that too.” 

Rey’s eyes lit up. “I’m not picky.” 

“Great,” the woman said. “Here you go.” She set down a plate with a few hunks of sourdough bread and four peanut butter cookies.  

“This is an exciting day,” Rey said, mouth full of soup. “God this soup is good.” 

“It really is,” Ben agreed. “Cookies are all you. Chocolate chip or bust, as far as I’m concerned.”  

Rey rolled her eyes but smiled at him. “Cookie snob, too, huh.” 

“Eels.” 

“Eels,” she agreed. 

They ate in silence for a few minutes, Ben watching her progress with surreptitious glances. Once he saw she had finished her bread and soup and was eating a cookie, Ben decided to push his luck a little more. 

“Want my bread? I’m not big on sourdough.” 

Rey’s eyes narrowed. 

“That’s a lie,” Rey argued. “You told us in Gorham that sourdough was your favorite.” 

“I changed my mind.” 

“You’re trying to feed me.” 

“I’m... maybe a little bit. You’re... there’s no way you’re eating enough.” 

“Goddammit,” Rey growled, “why is everyone so obsessed with food and what I’m doing with it??” 

Ben knew he’d messed up. She was so mad – he could hear the frustration in her voice, how strangled it was. Her eyes were shining and there were splotches of color on her face and neck.  

He’d made a huge miscalculation. 

“I am a grown adult, you know. I think I have a good handle on if I’m eating enough or not.” 

“I’m not saying you don’t. I’m just saying--” 

“Why don’t you just not say anything about it. I’m fine. I have food. I will eat when I’m hungry.” 

“Ok, I’m sorr—Rey, I’m sorry. It’s not my business.” 

“It’s fucking not!” She swiped the heel of her hand across her eyes. “Fuck, Ben. I mean... fuck.” 

Ben watched helplessly as she shook her head, stood up (wobbled briefly, fuck, must still be lightheaded, he’d really miscalculated this one) and pulled her pack on. 

“I just want one day where someone doesn’t have something to say about fucking food.” Her voice was tight with emotion. She didn’t meet his eyes, just stared at a spot above his shoulder. Her jaw was set and her fingers were white as she gripped her trekking poles. 

“Rey, please don’t leave. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. Just stay and--” 

Rey shook her head and he watched her walk out of the hut. 

Fuck. 

* 

Ben had hurried to finish his soup, then stuffed the bread and cookies in his pack, carefully wrapping them in a paper towel he’d grabbed from the hut’s bathroom. 

He said thanks to the croo who, fortunately, either hadn’t heard or decided to ignore Ben’s fuckup, and set off down the trail. 

Ben loved trail running. He always had. It was one of his favorite things about living in Hanover when he was in college, the ability to just step out of his dorm or apartment or fraternity house and start running down the AT. He could get to the Whites as often as he wanted. It was all just right there. 

He loved the burn in his lungs and his legs. He loved watching his long strides eat up the miles, hopping from rock to rock. He loved skittering down a scree field, jumping across streams swollen with summer melt, splattering mud all down his legs.  

After law school, he’d kept up running as a regular habit, heading out from Boston to whatever decent trail he could get to on weekends. He did it because he loved it, and also because he enjoyed the smug satisfaction he got when Hux was winded jogging up the courthouse steps and Ben wasn’t. 

He wasn’t running today, but he pushed himself just the same. Apparently Rey was, too, because he didn’t catch sight of her until he was just about to the summit of Mt. Adams. 

The weather had turned, the sky darkening and spitting rain, the wind approaching blustery. They were in the alpine zone now, which meant there was no tree cover to be found. There wasn’t any option for shelter until after Mount Washington, either, which meant they’d take the brunt of whatever this weather was. 

She was just off trail, fighting with her rain jacket and wind pants while gusts of wind tried to rip them away.  

Ben wasn’t sure if he should say something or keep hiking. He slowed down, once he passed her, trying to decide. 

Eventually, he made his decision. He’d proceed to Lakes, but if she wasn’t there in a reasonable amount of time, he’d go back and look for her.  

He just needed to figure out what a reasonable amount of time might be. 

* 

Ben stumbled into Lakes cold, wet, and miserable. Everything on his body hurt, the endless miles of rocks having bruised his feet. There had been hail, at the top of Mount Washington, and it had hurt like a motherfucker.  

He stood just inside and tried to shake off as much water as he could. 

“We’re full up,” a croo member told him, “but the dungeon is empty. You just missed getting a bunk.” 

“No worries,” Ben said. “There might be a woman coming in – could I pay for her to stay in the dungeon? Just tell her it’s free, because of the weather? If she doesn’t show then you can keep it.” 

“Sure, man, no skin off my back. Or nose. Fuck. Whichever it is.” 

Ben handed over the money and nodded thanks, then went back into the weather to head into the dungeon. 

He sat, unsure of what to do. If he needed to go out and look for her, he would want to have all of his gear with him, so no point in setting up bed or anything. He decided to cook dinner and then make a decision. 

He was three bites in to the dehydrated spaghetti and meat crumbles when the door to the dungeon swung open, violently. 

The wind was howling outside the stone bunk room. The weather had only gotten worse. 

The new hiker stomped their feet and pulled their headlamp off. Ben’s headlamp was hanging from a bunk, bright enough to light up the dungeon. 

“Rey?” he asked. 

She looked awful. Her wind pants were ripped, she had mud on her knees and arms, her hair was soaked and hanging around her face. 

“Ben.”  

She was still mad. 

“Are you ok?” 

“I’m fine.” 

Her tone seemed to imply he could fuck right off, so Ben didn’t ask any more questions. He watched her methodically strip off her soaked outerwear, hanging it at the end of one of the bunks to drip dry. She squeezed her hair out, then dug in her pack for her dry layers. 

“Goddammit,” he heard her whisper. 

Rey had pulled her quilt out. Ben could tell, even in the poor lighting, that it was damp. She sat down heavily on the wooden bunk and put her head in her hands. 

She didn’t make a sound. Ben didn’t think she was crying, but he probably would have been.  

She stood up and carefully draped the quilt off one of the top bunks, letting it dry out as much as it could. In the dampness of the dungeon, Ben wasn’t optimistic for her. 

Rey pulled off her shorts and t-shirt next, letting them drop to the ground in wet plops. Ben kept his eyes averted as much as he could, but there weren’t that many places to look in the tiny room. 

He watched her long legs step into her leggings – her knees looked a little bruised -- and saw her pull down her fleece, crossing her arms and shivering slightly.  

He knew her sleeping pad was a closed cell foam pad. He knew it was wet, because it had been strapped to the outside of her pack all day. He knew it would suck, sleeping on that on the hard wooden bunk. 

He didn’t say anything. 

She sat down in silence, pulling out her stove to make a packet of ramen.  

“There’s... I brought the left overs from Madison Spring Hut. It should still be dry.” 

He held his breath, waiting for her response. 

She said nothing, just stared at the nearly invisible blue flame of her alcohol stove. 

He pulled out the ziplock and tossed it over to her. “It’s just the cookies and one piece of bread. I finished the rest of the bread already.” 

It had killed him, but he knew she would have been even angrier if he’d still tried to give her all of it. 

She nodded. “Thanks.” 

He let out the breath he’d been holding. 

She ate quickly and methodically, hand bringing food to her mouth, popping it in, chewing, repeating. He finished his dinner and laid down in his bunk, pulling his sleeping bag around him. Ben pulled up a book on his phone and read, trying to ignore what she was doing. 

It felt like torture. 

Finally, she was done eating. She stood up and tested her quilt. It must have still been damp, because she sat back down and made a cup of tea. 

It was still early – only 7pm, so Ben kept reading.  

Rey stared into the middle distance, sipping her tea. 

He watched her touch her quilt again, then sit down and make another cup of tea, using the same tea bag. 

He kept reading. 

The book was really not that interesting, but hell if he wasn’t giving it a valiant effort. 

She stood up a third time and must have decided that was as good as it was going to get. She stepped outside to finish getting ready for bed, then laid down, the wet foam of her sleeping pad squeaking as she settled in.  

He heard the rustle of nylon every time she shivered. 

She’d pulled out other dry layers and had used them as extra insulation. Risky, he knew (and he knew she knew), because she was risking them getting damp too. If they were down, she’d lose a lot of insulating capability. 

It was, honestly, a little dangerous. 

Ben waited. 

She shivered. 

“Goddammit, Rey, this is actually fucking stupid and dangerous. You’re going to get hypothermia like that. It’s like 50 degrees in here and everything you have is wet.” 

“Thanks for the update, Ben.” 

“Just...just come over here. Ideally, just come sleep in my bunk, but if you won’t do that, at least take my fleece and puffy.” 

Rey’s back stiffened, then softened as she exhaled. She sat up.  

“This doesn’t mean anything.” 

“It means you’re avoiding death, and that’s all.” 

She stared at him for another minute, then shivered violently, and crawled into his bunk. 

She carefully balanced on her side, trying not to fall off the edge of his sleeping pad. Ben wanted to roll his eyes, or poke her with one finger and watch her roll off the sleeping pad. “This will be a lot easier if you’ll just turn over this way and let me put an arm around you.” 

With a sniff and a shiver, she did. Ben honestly couldn’t believe how easily she’d given in – she must have been colder than he thought. 

When her bare feet brushed his in the narrow footbox of his bag, he knew she was. 

“Rey. You are miserably cold. Will you put on my fleece and dry socks so I don’t get frost bite from you? This is purely selfish. I can’t begin to go into the legal ramifications of me knowingly allowing you to freeze to death in this stupid room.” 

She let out one wet sob of a laugh, then nodded. “Ok.” 

Ben sat up and rummaged around in his dry bag at the foot of the bunk. He pulled out the thickest pair of socks and his fleece and handed them to her. 

Once she was better clothed, he laid back down, one arm out for her to curl up against him. He unlocked his phone and went back to reading his book. 

“Thanks,” she said.  

“Of course.” 

She nodded, steadied her breath, and fell asleep. 

Ben had never been more jealous of her insane ability to fall asleep at will. He stayed up, later than he intended, making sure she stayed covered. 

*** 

Day 27  

Lakes of the Clouds Hut  

Mile 334.5  

September 22

Rey felt like she slept well pretty much every night. She could always fall asleep quickly and stay asleep – she’d learned early on that it was best to just sleep through yelling and loud thumps. Even sleeping on her stiff, thin foam sleeping pad had been fine. 

But last night, sleeping on Ben’s cushy inflatable pad, wrapped up next to his incredibly warm body, covered with his impossibly well-lofted quilt? 

She felt like she’d slept for days. 

She woke up first. She stayed there, breathing quietly, not daring to move, until he woke shortly after. 

“Hey,” Ben croaked in his deep, sleepy voice. “You been awake long?” 

“No,” Rey said quietly. “Didn’t want to wake you though.” 

She crawled out of the cocoon of warmth with a fair amount of dread. It wasn’t cold, but it was still damp and chilly and she knew none of her clothes would have dried out. 

Still, Rey pushed through her morning routine and packed up. She finished stuffing her food bag in, then closed everything up. Hopefully no leaks today. 

She stood up from her squat and stumbled to find the empty bunk next to her. Her vision blacked out completely. She sat down heavily. 

Maybe Ben hadn’t noticed. 

After a few moments she stood up again, slower this time. 

“Thanks,” she said finally, “that would have been really rough last night, with everything damp.” 

“Any time, Rey. I mean it. I’m sorry for crossing a line yesterday.” 

Rey shrugged. She knew she should apologize. She should say she was sorry for flipping out like that, for having that weird, seemingly arbitrary line to cross. She should ask if he wanted to hike with her, or how far he was planning on going today.  

“How are your knees,” Ben asked, finally. “Looked a little banged up last night.” 

“Fine. Just a little bruised.” They were scraped and it hurt way more than it should, really. Probably her enormously bruised ego contributed to that. 

“Looks nasty out there. Probably be pretty slick today.” 

“Yeah,” Rey replied. Was he implying she needed to be careful? Because honestly, she already knew that. It was insulting, his assumption that she didn’t know that rain made rocks slippery. So condescending, to think she didn’t have a decent grasp of physics and the coefficient of friction and her own center of mass. 

Ben was almost packed, just finishing up his coffee. It felt awkward to just walk out when he was probably 3 minutes away from leaving himself, but then again, sitting and waiting 3 minutes also felt really awkward. 

Rey huffed. 

“Well. Just wanted to say thanks. That was really nice of you. You didn’t have to do that.” 

“I wanted to. You were very warm. It was nice.” 

Rey chewed on her lip.  

“I’m gonna head out. I’ll… I’ll see you around, I guess.” 

She wasn’t mad, exactly. She just felt really raw and exhausted and like she needed some time alone to pull her shell back over her. 

“Sure,” was all Ben said. He seemed distracted by something. 

 She let it go. 

Rey stepped outside, immediately buffeted by the wind. Today was going to be rough. 

* 

Rey stopped for a break only 4.5 miles into her day. She was sluggish, tripping over rocks and roots that weren’t there. 

All the hikers she passed were anonymous blobs of rain jackets and rain pants, hoods pulled low to keep the blowing drops off their faces a little. It didn’t work. 

She thought she saw Ben pass her but he turned around and it wasn’t his face, just another tall, broad hiker with a black pack. 

She didn’t know why she was looking for him, anyway. 

Rey stopped in a few miles later at Mizpah Spring Hut. She greeted the croo, asked to fill her water, then rummaged in the hiker box. 

She got lucky: a granola bar (only partially smashed) and two packets of almonds.  

She ate them, greedily, and the next few miles were better. 

With the Presidential Traverse behind her now, she dipped back below the tree line.  

She didn’t stop at Crawford Notch, just pushed on, back up the elevation she’d just lost.  

Mercifully, she had five mostly flat miles to Zealand Falls Hut, where she again got lucky in the hiker box. This time she found a packet of ramen – the fancy kind, with the oil packet and the spicy flavoring packet – a Clif bar, and an unopened bag of trailmix.  

The croo gave her a muffin for free, leftover from breakfast, then she sat outside and cooked the ramen, eager for something warm and filling for lunch. It was good. She felt better. She pulled out her guidebook and decided to push for a 25 mile day. 

It was 5:30pm when she finally saw Galehead Hut. Rey was greeted by the croo and, upon learning how many miles she hiked that day, she was given a bowl of leftover soup and offered a work for stay. She gratefully accepted.  

This hiker box didn’t have much of anything worthwhile, though she did pick up a small roll of duck tape and a tiny sewing kit, carefully stored in an Altoid tin. 

The work part of her work-for-stay was blessedly short. She washed a pan and swept the floor of the dining room once the guests had finished eating. In return, she helped herself to the leftover dinner – soup, fresh baked bread and salad, lasagna, veggies, and a heaping serving of apple pie.  

And no one, not a single person, said anything about what or how she ate. 

There were two other work-for-stay hikers, both NOBOs. Rey said hi and chatted with them briefly while they all did their chores, but otherwise kept to herself.  

Rey spread out her sleeping pad on the floor of the dining room, next to a window. She’d laid out her sleeping quilt and warm layers while she ate and did her chores, so when she laid down for the night, she at least wasn’t cold. 

It’s just… maybe she wasn’t quite warm, either. 

* 

It was a slower start in the morning, mostly because Rey stuck around for breakfast. After the guests were served, Rey was given her fill of oatmeal, bacon, fresh fruit, and tea.  

Rey lingered even longer, caught up in a conversation with one of the croo, a sweet girl named Zorii.  

“I’m so jealous,” Zorii told her, as Rey dried dishes for her. “I want to thru hike so bad, but I don’t have the money and my parents told me I had to finish college first.” 

“What are you studying?” Rey asked. 

“Engineering.” 

“I’m an engineer!” Rey said enthusiastically.  

Zorii peppered her with questions about her classes and her jobs, then the two traded stories about design projects and study groups.  

The door to the hut opened and Rey heard a familiar voice speaking to the croo member up front. 

She excused herself from Zorii and walked over. 

“Hey, Ben.” 

“Rey,” he said, surprise on his face. “You did a 25? Impressive.” 

“I’m feeling it in my knees.” 

“Surprised you’re still here. It’s late for you.” 

“The food was too good,” she replied. 

“Then I’m glad I just bought a muffin.” 

“Friend of yours, Rey?” Zorii asked, drying her hands on a towel. 

“Yeah, this is Ben. We met on Katahdin. Ben, Zorii. She’s an engineering student.” 

“We’ve still got fruit and oatmeal if you want to finish it up, Ben.” 

“I’d never turn down fruit. That’d be great, thanks.” 

Zorii pulled the leftovers out and set them on a table, then peeked under a cloth covering a plate. “Forgot about these pancakes. You guys can have these too.” 

 Ben tucked his long legs under the table. Rey perched on the bench across from him. 

“So I guess you got a work for stay?” he asked while he got to work on the fruit. 

“Yeah, got lucky. I had time to lay out all my shit and let it dry out.” 

“Oh, that’s good, I was wondering.” 

Rey tore off a bite of pancake. “You stayed at Guyot Shelter?” 

“Yeah. Really nice. Amazing view, too.” 

They ate in silence. Ben hopped up for a coffee refill and came back with a mug of tea for Rey. 

“Zorii said this was for you.” 

“Oh, thanks,” Rey said, “appreciate it.” 

The silence stretched between them. Rey felt it pull taut, the tensile force growing and growing. 

Ben stood up, plate empty. “Good to see you, Rey. Happy trails.” 

Plastic deformation. 

“Yeah, you too. See you.” 

Chapter Text

Day 29 

Kinsman Pond Shelter 

Mile 378.1 

Ben stretched as much as he could in his tent. He was feeling a little rough. He’d done a 22 mile day the day before, and while the terrain hadn’t been the worst he’d seen, the Whites had certainly given him a beating.  

He felt unsettled about things with Rey. He didn’t know if he’d done the right thing, leaving the hut so quickly after he finished eating.   

There was context missing, he thought, that would make her make sense. It’s not like Ben was a stranger to being hyper-sensitive about certain topics. It’s not like he’d never flown off the handle after an otherwise innocuous comment.  

He just didn’t get why these comments ticked her off so much.   

After he’d left Rey at Galehead Hut, he’d pushed himself to hike fast. He wanted to stay ahead of her. He came upon Greenleaf Hut and did the same thing he’d done the day before. He stopped outside and rummaged through his foodbag, seeing what extras he had. He’d had good luck in the Whites, getting lots of food from the huts. He’d barely touched his snacks.  

He walked through the door and dropped a Snickers bar, an unopened bag of beef jerky, gatorade powder, and a packet of poptarts in the hiker box, then went to see what the croo had for sale.  

He downed his coffee and muffin, then went back on trail to press on.   

Lonesome Lake Hut was the last hut of the Whites, so he dropped in a good deal of food – ramen, a box of mac and cheese, a couple of granola bars, a large bag of peanut m&ms, and a bag of sour gummy worms he’d picked up at Crawford Notch General Store.  

He took his time there, chatting with the croo, eating a nice lunch, asking about their summer working at the hut. There were no more hiker boxes to hit, so it didn’t matter if Rey came in now.   

She didn’t, incidentally. He left and kept going until he got to Kinsman Pond Shelter, where he’d claimed a spot inside the large double-decker log cabin-style shelter. He wandered around until he saw the caretaker, stirring shit – literally, the poor girl was stirring up the shit from the privy to help it compost faster. He paid his fee and asked some questions and offered to help. And that was how Ben Solo found himself mixing a soup of toilet paper, shit, and piss on a cloudy gray afternoon.  

He only had 11 miles until he got to Kinsman Notch, so today he enjoyed his walk, stopping to take some pictures of a waterfall and the views.   

Ben was content. He was surprised.  

He hadn’t fixed everything with Rey, but he’d done what he could to mitigate the situation. Between hiker boxes and the huts, he thought she was likely getting enough food. She’d seemed… happier, maybe, or less anxious, on her own, without Finn, Poe, and Kaydel. And Ben, maybe.  

If that was how she felt best, out here hiking, then he was glad she’d figured that out. Maybe he’d run into her every few weeks. Maybe he’d never see her again. He accepted it, either way.  

*  

It felt good, to Ben, to lie flat on the ground in the parking lot, stretching his legs and back. He ran through every yoga pose he could remember Uncle Luke teaching him, every cool down his college buddies did after they ran.   

The shuttle to the hostel didn’t come until 4:30, so he had time to kill. He turned off airplane mode on his phone and saw he had good service.  

Ben called his mom.  

He was two months early for their quarterly chat, but... what the hell.

“Benjamin! I can’t believe you’re calling me. You aren’t injured are you? Arrested? Sick? Are you ok?”  

“I’m fine, mom, just waiting for a ride.”  

“Han!” Ben could hear her shouting, “Ben called!”  

“Your father is right here,” his mom finally said, “so tell us. How is it? Are you having fun?”  

“I am,” Ben replied. “It’s exactly what I thought it would be like and also so much harder.”  

“What does that mean?” Leia demanded.  

“The walking part, that’s what I thought it would be like. Nothing I haven’t done before. I didn’t expect things to be so… complicated, maybe? With other hikers.”  

“So there’s a girl,” his father stated flatly.  

“Is there a girl?” his mother asked hopefully.  

“There are plenty of girls, though I think ‘women’ would be more appropriate. I just mean it’s work, coordinating and compromising the mileage you want to do.”  

“Well, yes, Ben, people do take work. Even casual acquaintances require some effort.”  

“I know that. I just didn’t really picture myself wanting to put in that effort, and I guess I have.”  

“But you’re alone now?” Han asked.  

“Yeah, that’s…complicated.” Ben didn’t want to explain the whole situation to his parents. But then again, what else did he have to talk about? He turned around so he faced the trail, keeping an eye out for Rey. “I was hiking with someone, but she got a little ticked off at me and left.”  

“What’d you do?” Han asked bluntly.  

"I’m not sure exactly,” Ben confessed. “I mean, I know what I did, I just don’t know why she got so mad about it. Or... maybe I do. I don’t know. The point is, I’m hiking alone now.”  

“Well, maybe that’s for the best,” Leia said. “You can just do your own thing.”  

“Too anti-social,” Han grumbled. “Kid needs to make more friends.”  

“Dad, I’m 36. You don’t need to tell me to make friends like it’s Kindergarten all over again.”  

“I’m just saying, wouldn’t hurt to make some compromises.”  

“Hmm. Yeah, I mean—” Ben glimpsed movement coming through the trees. Not her. He nodded to the hiker. “I mean— yeah.”  

He wasn’t sure that he would see Rey again, but if he did... he could make some compromises. Maybe for Poe, too.   

“Where are you right now?” Leia changed the subject.  

“Kinsman Notch. In New Hampshire.”  

“Not too far from Hanover.”  

Ben was suspicious of this line of questioning. “No. Not too far.”  

“And then you’ll be in Vermont.”  

“Yes, that is geographically correct, Mom.”  

“You know Amilyn is in Bennington teaching now.”  

Ben sat up. “Wait, really?”  

Leia laughed softly. “Yes, she is. She’s been there a few years. You should stop in and see her.”  

*  

Rey could hear someone talking in the parking lot. She wasn’t going to spend any time trying to figure out if the voice sounded familiar. The hostel shuttle would be there any minute and she didn’t want to miss it.  

She’d had such good luck in the Whites, between the hiker boxes and the huts, she felt like she had a little wiggle room in her budget right now. She was planning on staying indoors at the hostel, sleeping in a real bed. She’d tripped a few times on the rocky trail and turned her ankles more times than she’d care to think about. It would be nice, she thought, to sleep somewhere soft and quiet and dry.  

Stepping into the parking area, Rey slowed to collapse her trekking poles and tuck them in the side pocket of her pack. She heard quiet laughter, and looked to her left to see Ben, aimlessly wandering while he chatted on the phone. He had his fleece on with his short little black running shorts, his hair mussed from the wind. He turned in her direction and finally looked up. She smiled, tentatively.  

“Hey, I’m gonna run. Listen, I'll give her a call, but if I don't get a hold of her, tell Aunt Ami I’ll let her know when I’m close, ok? Yeah, talk soon. Bye.” He ended the call and slid his phone in his pocket. “Rey. I wondered if I’d see you today.”  

“Hey, Ben. How long have you been here?”   

“A few hours. Good cell service, though, so I caught up on stuff while I waited. Are you going to The Notch?”  

“Yeah,” she said. He didn’t seem mad. He didn’t seem standoffish, just… quiet. Like he was afraid she’d spook. He probably wasn’t wrong.  

“Me too, I’m—” Ben was cut off by the crunch of gravel under the tires of a large van. The doors opened and a handful of hikers poured out, grabbing packs and jackets.  

“You guys headed to The Notch?” the driver asked.   

“Yeah,” Ben replied. He strode over easily, casually shaking the driver’s hand, asking where he wanted their gear. Rey followed Ben’s lead, and then they both climbed in the van.   

She slid into the row behind him and curled up against the window. She meant to stay awake and listen to whatever the driver was saying, but the rumble of the engine overpowered her will.  

*  

“Rey.” Ben had thought that opening the door loudly would wake her up, but so far, nothing. “Rey,” he said louder.  

She woke with a start, eyes wide, looking around wildly. He could practically see the panic.  

“Hey, it’s Ben. We’re at the hostel. You want to go inside?”  

She rubbed a hand across her face. “Oh. Ok. Yeah, thanks.”  

"Uh, gear has to stay in the shed, so just grab what you need to check in.”  

Rey nodded and followed him to the storage shed. “Are you going to slack pack Moosilauke?” he asked as they hung up their bags on hooks. “It’s a flat fee – that's what I was talking to the driver about. So, same cost for one person as it would be for a vanful.”  

“Oh, I hadn’t really considered it,” Rey said.  

“They’ll do a 20 mile slack, so then it’s only 34 miles to Hanover. I’ll probably do a zero at Hanover, so a slack would be good timing for me at least.”  

“Yeah, I’d... I’d thought about doing a zero here, but if I’d be that close to Hanover... but there aren’t any hostels there, right?”  

“No hostels, but free tenting. And a list of trail angels who let you stay at their house, usually for free.”  

Rey chewed her lip, considering this. She had enough food that she could make it to Hanover without a resupply. A slack would let her cover miles without working as hard. Then again, this wasn’t a cheap hostel. Two nights would be a chunk of change.  

“He said sometimes there’s a deal with private rooms and slacks, like a discount for two nights. I was going to ask when I went inside.”  

“Yeah,” Rey said finally, “maybe. I dunno. We’ll see.”  

*  

“Ok, so the slack is a flat $45, then $10 for each additional person. You can split that however you want. Bunks are $50 a night, but if you do a slack pack then it’s $90 for two nights. The private room with a queen size bed and private bathroom is usually more expensive, but we have a church youth group in the bunk room and it’s been... difficult, for other people. They’ve got all but three bunks so it’s a lot of teenage energy. The vibes have been better. In light of... all that, I can do a private room for $90 a night, or $160 for two nights.”  

Ben turned to Rey. “I’m going to slack pack regardless, so you can join for $10. If you want to split a private room with me, you’re more than welcome to. I’m too old for bunk rooms.”  

"Bunk is fine. It won’t bother me,” Rey said.  

“Two nights or one?” the employee asked.  

Rey chewed her lip, thinking. Ben held his breath.  

“Just one. I can’t -- the slack pack would be nice, but... just the one night.”  

Ben nodded. He wasn’t going to push anything. He could make an offer, but that was it.   

No arguing, no convincing.  

He’d let Rey come to him.  

*  

Rey pushed the grocery cart as Ben inspected asparagus.  

“Are you sure I can’t help?”  

“Trust me, this is a hobby for me. It’s nice, to do something normal.”  

After they’d gotten showers and started laundry, they’d walked into town together. Rey had assumed he’d eat at a restaurant, but Ben, apparently, had been craving healthy food. He’d offered to go to the grocery store and cook for them both. Since he’d be there for two nights, it would be more economical to just buy some groceries, he said.  

Rey wasn’t sure how accurate that was, but she’d kill for some broccoli that wasn’t swimming in butter, so she agreed.  

He’d expertly navigated the store, grabbing fresh produce and chicken and some sort of grain. She’d noticed he was generally choosing store-brand items.   

She appreciated that.  

They hadn’t talked about the Whites.  

“I didn’t realize lawyers had enough free time to cook.”  

“I don’t always,” Ben confessed, “but I usually spent my weekends meal-prepping. I got kind of into food, before I went to live with Luke. Spent almost all my free time with our chef, obsessed over my macros, that sort of thing. And then Luke couldn’t cook for shit, so I got better.”  

“You had a chef?”  

“Yeah. I mean, my parents were almost always out of town – my mom was in DC most of the time, or out traveling the state. Even before boarding school, I saw my parents less than I saw our housekeeper and chef.”  

“Did you cook in college?”  

“Whenever I had a kitchen. I dated a girl for a while who always wanted to do these fancy dinner parties. I tried out more complicated recipes for that. Not always a success, but no one got food poisoning.”  

“I never really learned to cook. I can follow steps – I passed chem lab, it’s basically the same thing – but it wasn’t something I ever had a chance to really get into.” Rey’s heart sped up a little with this confession. She knew it could lead to more questions. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t blow up at him, no matter what he asked. She might even explain some things. She was going to try.  

“Want to learn?”  

She hadn’t been expecting that.  

“Yeah, maybe.”  

Rey wanted to pay her share of the groceries. He rang up the ingredients for that night’s dinner separate from the rest of his purchase, to make it easier to split the cost.   

He didn’t even argue with her.  

She stood next to him in the kitchen as he showed her how to hold a knife. He covered her hand with his to show her how to rock it against the cutting board. She shivered a little, from the contact.  

He was just so warm.  

They were snacking on raw vegetables and dip while they waited for dinner to finish cooking.  

“Did you live in the dorms during college?” Ben asked her.  

“Just my freshman year. Apartment was cheaper.”  

“I spent so much more money once I got an apartment in college. Everyone always came to my place, though, so I was really feeding like six people.”  

“That must have been a nightmare to figure out Venmo.”  

“Nah, we didn’t bother. I think I had the biggest allowance, so I covered more, but we just always paid for each other. It worked out, more or less.”  

Money had always been calculated to the cent, for Rey.   

“Your parents were ok with that?”  

“Oh yeah. That was normal, growing up. I took friends on trips to Europe with us and my parents paid for everything. I went skiing or to the beach with friends and their parents paid for me. This will sound awful, but none of that was a big enough expense to matter.”  

Rey’s eyebrows shot up.  

He laughed. “Yeah, I know. I can’t pretend otherwise, though. I grew up with a lot of money. My mom grew up with a lot of money, and then she made more money. My dad didn’t grow up with a lot of money, but he also made more money. Then some grandparents died and I inherited some... paying for other people is just... not something I even think about.”  

“That’s why you don’t care about the shuttle fee.”  

“Exactly. My coworkers and I would bet $100 on stupid shit, like which summer associate was going to walk in late after a firm party. $45 is a very reasonable lunch.”  

Rey hummed. She couldn’t really understand that level of wealth, but she understood the idea behind it. Sort of. He stood up.  

“Alright. Everything should be done now. Want to grab a couple plates?”  

*  

Ben had been walking a fine line today. So far, the truce between the two of them held.   

He’d wanted to explain his point of view with money. He felt like that was a big barrier for her. It had been his main goal, for this first dinner together. He was building his argument, developing the narrative. Providing context.

He set down their plates, filled with baked chicken and roasted veggies and a kale and quinoa salad. He speared a piece of broccoli and watched Rey out of the corner of his eye.  

She took a bite of chicken, chewed, then sat back and moaned.  

“Oh God, Ben, this is good.”  

He grinned.  

“I’m glad. I was worried I’d talked a big game and you’d hate it.”  

She scooped up a bite of the quinoa salad. “Once I saw you chop vegetables I figured you knew what you were doing, but I didn’t realize how badly I wanted healthy food.”  

“It’s hard to get all the nutrients you need from freeze dried and dehydrated hiking food. Although you do pretty good, with the olive oil especially.”  

She grimaced.   

“Can we come back to that after we eat? I can’t think while I’m eating something this good.”  

“Ha, sure, Rey. No problem.”  

She nodded, then tucked into her food. He didn’t want to push his luck, so he pulled out his phone and scrolled through some messages while he ate. Can’t put his stupid foot in his mouth if he doesn’t talk.  

She was scraping her plate clean in no time at all.   

“Grab seconds, if you want. I’ve got a different menu for tomorrow night.”  

Rey nodded and piled her plate high again.  

When they both were finished, they cleared the table together and washed the dishes.  

Ben pulled out a mixing bowl, whisk, and a carton of cream.   

He saw the surprise on her face as he started to whip the cream.  

“Are you making whipped cream... by hand?”  

“Worried I was losing muscle mass in my upper body,” Ben joked. “I’m gonna count this as a workout.”  

She laughed softly at that. She drummed her fingers lightly on the counter while she watched him, chewing on her lip.  

She took a deep breath and slowly let it out.  

“I don’t like talking about food. It’s not... I don’t have a problem with food or anything, it’s just... a sore subject, I guess.”  

Ben kept whipping as he said, “That’s fair.”  

“It’s not, really,” Rey argued. “It’s stupid. Food was just... the source of a lot of stress for me, growing up.”  

Ben was nearly holding his breath as he waited to see if she’d continue. He hoped he looked casual. 

“I didn’t grow up with money. It wasn’t... I didn’t have a very stable childhood, and food was always so hard. Every part of it. It...” She watched him, eyes a little unfocused, mesmerized by the quick movements of his arm as he whipped the cream up. He gave her space.  

Her gaze sharpened, she came back into herself. She licked her lips, then spoke again. “People paying attention to what I was eating... sometimes it was just annoying, like teasing me for what I ate. But sometimes it was... it made things more complicated.”  

Ben kept his confusion off his face as best he could. Complicated how? He wracked his brain, trying to piece together everything she was telling him. This felt like a damn LSAT logic puzzle.

“It... people noticing meant people asking questions. And questions made things... complicated.”  

Ah.  

Realization dawned.   

Or at least, some conclusions were drawn.  

“We kept talking about how you’d eat anything,” Ben said softly. As softly as he could, considering the effort he was exerting with the whisk.  

Ben didn’t think he’d ever said that, but he’d heard Finn and Poe talk about it enough.  

“Yeah. I do have really low standards for what I’ll consider edible." She shrugged.  

“I’m sorry, Rey. I should have... I should have picked up on that. Or not said anything in the first place.”  

“It’s fine,” Rey said dismissively.  

“It’s not, though. It was thoughtless and rude.”  

“No, it’s-- it’s fine, Ben. Anyways. That’s it. I just wanted to explain a little. Now we can never talk about it again.” She gave a nervous little chuckle, leaning forward to put her weight on her arms, resting on top of the counter.

Ben set down the bowl and leaned against the counter, leaned towards her. “I appreciate it, Rey. And I’m sorry.” Ben grabbed the bowl again, testing the stiffness of the cream. “And I’ll do my best to not bring it up again.”  

Satisfied, he reached into the fridge and pulled out a package of strawberries.  

He washed them, then set them on the island between them.   

He took one and dipped it in the bowl of whipped cream. It was good. The strawberry burst open with a spray of juice and sweetness, the cream melting on top of it.  

“Fuck that’s good,” he said finally. He gestured to Rey to eat some. He looked down at his hands for a moment, then back up at her, shaking his head. “When my parents came back home, when I was young, the first thing we did was sit down and eat something together. Food is, unfortunately, kind of my go-to way of relating to people. According to my college therapist.”  

She picked up a strawberry and studied it.  

Rey closed her eyes as she finally bit into the strawberry. She moaned. Ben tried not to see her tongue dart out to lick up a dollop of cream from her lip. He tried not to watch her swallow it down.  

He really did try.  

“I’ve never had whipped cream that didn’t come from a can,” Rey said, smiling as she grabbed another strawberry.  

“Uncle Luke liked to have me whip cream whenever I annoyed him.”  

“Uncle Luke must have really had it out for you,” Rey said.  

“In some ways, yes. I do think in general he was trying, it’s just that he was a weird old fucker with terrible ideas.”  

Rey’s laughter bubbled out of her at that. He was greedy for it, drinking in the sound of it.  

“There are some people who just shouldn’t be in charge of minors, that’s for sure,” she said. “When I—I had to eat sitting on the floor for a month once. Because I couldn’t remember to keep my elbows off the table. They thought if there wasn’t a table I couldn’t put my elbows on it, I guess? It didn’t work.”  

She was laughing a little as she told him. It sounded a little fucked up to him, but then, his uncle had him arrested on purpose.  

“And here I thought a year of etiquette classes was the only way to fix that.”  

“Etiquette classes?” Rey asked.  

“Oh yes. Junior Cotillion. Ended with a ball where seventh-grade me had to dance the foxtrot and waltz with my middle school crush. Luckily, I was the best dancer in the class,” Ben said with a wink.  

“Can you still do it?”  

“Dance? Sure, probably. It’s not hard, just remember the rhythms, mostly. Why? You want to learn?”  

“N-no, just wondering. Maybe it’s information that’ll come in handy in the future.”  

“Like we’re in an impromptu dance battle and the only way to win is to confuse our enemy with a Viennese waltz?”  

“Exactly.”  

The front door opened and the wave of teenagers poured into the hostel, their chatter and bustling too loud for Rey and Ben to continue talking, really. They finished the strawberries while eavesdropping on the conversations around them, laughing silently at teenage drama they overheard.  

*  

Day 32 

Hanover, NH 

Mile 442.4 

Rey had pushed hard to get to Hanover. She’d done a 24 mile day over Moosilauke to Hexacuba Shelter – just as hard as the Whites had been – then 18 miles the next day, to Moose Mountain. She’d only had 11 miles into Hanover this morning, so she was now comfortably seated in a dark Irish pub that offered $3 beers and discounted food for thru-hikers, feeling quite pleased with herself.  

“Ready for another one?” the friendly server asked her. “Your food should be out any minute.”  

“Sure,” Rey said. “Might as well. Thanks.”  

The woman smiled and walked off. Rey sat back in her seat, enjoying the padded booth and the endless water refills.  

She’d checked the post office hiker box but it wasn’t very helpful. So far, she hadn’t had the same luck as she did in the Whites with finding good food. The co-op in town was nice, with a huge selection of fresh food, but expensive. She’d have to be careful with this resupply.  

She hadn’t seen Ben since the summit of Moosilauke. They’d hiked together in silence for a few miles, then Ben stepped off trail to pee and Rey kept hiking. He’d caught back up to her – unsurprising, given his pack was basically empty – and once they were at the top, he’d stopped for a longer break, only hiking a 20 that day. Rey had awkwardly said goodbye, then hiked on.   

He hadn’t brought it up, the things she’d told him. He hadn’t said anything about it. But she knew he would. He’d mention it to Poe or Finn or maybe even Kaydel, when he saw them again. They’d all talk in hushed tones about her, about how strange she was. Someone would laugh about the way she ate and Ben would say ‘they couldn’t teach her manners, even though they tried,’ and they’d laugh about that, too.  

They wouldn’t.  

She knew they wouldn’t.  

But if he did mention that questions about food made things complicated for her, brought up other questions, someone would say ‘she must have grown up dirt poor,’ which was true, she couldn’t say it wasn’t. And then someone else would say ‘you can just tell,’ and Ben would say ‘yeah, she’ll eat anything, must have eaten food out of the garbage at some point.’   

They wouldn’t guess that.  

But then someone else would say ‘for sure. She just looks like someone who ate garbage.’ And it’s true, she does look like that, people can tell that she never quite lost that look, even once she started making money.  

They wouldn’t say that.  

But no matter how much she knew they wouldn’t... she couldn’t quite convince herself of it. She couldn’t let that worry go. And it grew, inside her, dominoes of anger and anxiety and fear and defensiveness stacking up, one by one, like a single point vulnerability and cascading failures. It ached like a deep bruise, like when Plutt would grip her arm a little too tight.  

So she hiked faster and she didn’t stop for another break until she was past the point where Ben's slack pack would end, past the parking lot where he'd be picked up and go back to the hostel. And by then she was so exhausted and tired that she’d only made it another four miles to the next shelter, but it didn’t matter. She’d known that she could get up early the next morning, and Ben would have to wait for the shuttle to drop him off. He’d start hours after her.  

She could tent in the woods in Hanover and probably never see him. She'd be in and out, her town chores done, before he even walked into Hanover. Probably.

She was consoling herself with this thought when the door to the restaurant opened. Rey had been half-way watching, looking to see if any other thru hikers walked in, if anyone might ask to sit at her table as the pub filled up.  

She craned her neck to get a look at the new arrival.  

“BEN SOLO!” boomed next to her, from a tiny old woman who cleared a sight line to the front door by her will alone. “Takes a lot of nerve for you to just show up here after the last time.”  

“Maz,” Ben said in his familiar, deep voice, “I told you I was sorry about that! I offered to pay for the pool table...”  

“You idiot,” she said fondly, “of course I wasn’t going to take your money. Now get over here and tell me how my boyfriend’s doing.”  

“Pack outside?” Ben asked before moving further into the restaurant.  

“If this young lady will let you sit with her you can toss it in the corner there. Otherwise, yes, outside. Though I don’t see any other empty tables.” Maz pointed to Rey, and Rey saw Ben’s eyes slide over to her. She could tell the second he recognized her, by the immediate but tiny smile that flashed across his face.   

“Rey,” he said softly, “that ok? I don’t want to crowd you if you’re waiting for people or just... wanted to be alone.”  

“No,” she choked out, “that’s fine. No problem.”  

So much for never seeing Ben in Hanover.  

He tossed his pack next to hers and smiled down at the wrinkled old woman. “I’d hug you, but I stink.”  

“You sure do,” Maz said. “Lucky for you the apartment’s empty right now. You got a trail family? You can all stay there, if you want. Still furnished.”  

“Thanks, Maz, you don’t have to do that. I was planning on getting a room at the hotel.”  

Maz waved away his thanks. “This way I can call my boyfriend and gossip about you.”  

“I’m sure Chewie would appreciate that.”  

“Come see me again for dinner tonight. Be here until closing.”   

Ben looked down at Rey. “You sure it’s ok for me to join you?”  

Rey huffed. “Of course.”  

And it was ok. Rey wasn’t mad about seeing Ben again. But then again, he would bring up what they’d talked about, ask more questions. She’d have to answer. He had that look, that way of asking, where she felt like she could answer even though she knew she shouldn’t. And then he’d know more, he could tell Maz. He and Maz would talk about her once she paid her bill, judge the amount of tip she left.   

Rey took a few big gulps from her beer.   

She didn’t drink often, beer being overall too expensive for something that didn’t really contribute to her daily caloric needs, but she’d appreciate a light buzz right now.  

“So did you stop at Hexacuba?” Ben was asking her. “The pentaprivy was fun.”  

“I did,” Rey said. “Stayed there that first night. Cool shelter. How was the hostel?”  

“Good. I saw Finn, Poe, and Kaydel. They were in the van when I got picked up from my slack pack.”  

All four of them, Rey thought. Cozy. Plenty of time to gossip. She took another sip of beer. “Oh. How—how are they doing?”  

Ben shrugged. “Good, I guess. Poe was a little frustrated, but Finn and Kaydel were having fun. I’m not sure they’ll be a threesome much longer.” Rey took a drink of her beer and raised her eyebrows, looking at him expectantly. “Poe said he couldn’t take any more sing-alongs. And he wanted to do bigger miles. Kaydel could keep up, but I don’t know if Finn could. Or would want to.”  

“Yeah, not sure big miles are Finn’s thing, really. Any trail names yet?”  

“Poe has received the disappointingly predictable name of ‘Flyboy.’”  

“Oof,” Rey said. “That is disappointing.”  

“Someone tried to name Kaydel ‘Tiny Dancer,’ but she rejected it.”  

“Smart.”  

“What about you? Anyone tried to name you yet?”  

Rey shook her head. “Haven’t really talked to that many people since The Notch.”  

“The trail has definitely gotten less crowded recently, but--” Ben broke off as a server set down a few platters of appetizers, plus beer and water for Ben. “We didn’t order any appetizers?”  

“Maz said it’s for you,” the server said, already turning to walk away.  

Ben looked resigned. “Maz is an old family friend,” he explained to Rey.  

“Ah,” was all Rey said.  

“Knew my dad for… forever. He’s a co-owner of this place, or early investor, or something. Maybe something a little shady. I never really asked for details. But she’s always had something with my Uncle Chewie. She got me out of a few binds when I was in college. Always made sure we were ok.”  

“I forgot you lived here,” Rey said, mentally kicking herself for forgetting that already. It was like her brain was just... mush these days. “It’s a pretty town.”  

“Yeah, I was really happy here. Here, help yourself. Maz always overestimates the amount of food I can eat.”  

Well, if it was free... and it was a lot of food. And it’s not like they’d asked for it. It would just go to waste, really. Rey popped a bite in her mouth. So good. They focused on food and made small talk about the trail and the weather and other hikers they’d run into.  

“I do think Mount Cube was one of my favorite mountains so far,” Rey said.  

“Smarts was cool, too. Big fan of fire towers,” Ben said. “I also found a love letter there.”  

“What?? Tell me!” Rey demanded.  

“So there were actually two love letters. If you use a very loose definition of ‘love’ and ‘letter.’ So the first one I found in the trail log box on top of Moosilauke. It said, ‘Do ecstasy with me baby?’ Didn’t think much of it, really, but it was funny so it stuck with me. No names, just a drawing of a spider and a tomato with feet. But then I found another one at Smarts.  And it said… here, I’ve got a picture of it.” Ben pulled out his phone and swiped through his pictures until he found the right one.  

Rey peered at his phone and read it aloud. “‘Baby, I love you, thank you for being ok with me hiking alone. I just needed to think, but now I’m ready to see you again and be together. Love you baby, Tommy Toes.’ Huh. I don’t think I met a Tommy Toes.”  

“So this is the kind of sad part,” Ben continued. “They signed the shelter log together at Velvet Rocks. Tommy Toes and Toilet Spider. Memorable trail name… so it makes since that I remembered I met him in the Whites.”  

“He was ahead of her the whole time???”  

Ben nodded. “Yep. She had no idea. I met him with that guy who’s attempting a calendar year triple crown — Grateful Dad or something, I think — and they were telling me about a three French Canadian sisters they were pink blazing.”  

“Oh, no,” Rey said, “the betrayal!”  

“I experienced some real secondhand embarrassment. I mean, I felt bad for her, too. But also, that wasn’t very LNT of her.”  

“There was a time when I didn’t think you were capable of embarrassment at all,” Maz said, coming up to their table.  

“Lot of personal growth since college,” Ben said with a shrug.  

“And I thank the Goddess for that every day.” Peering at Rey, Maz asked, “Where are you from?”  

“Jakku, Arizona.”  

Maz’s eyes narrowed. “Western Arizona?” Rey nodded. “You made the right choice, to leave. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Don’t let Jakku keep you from being here.”  

Rey blinked. She nodded. Maz shifted to face Ben. “Are you having fun?”  

“I am,” he said.  

“Are you happy?”  

“I am.”  

“Good. On the house. Both of you. Go take a shower.”  

“Maz--” Ben protested.  

“Out, before I call your mother!” Maz tossed a set of keys on the table. “Key to the apartment. Go!”  

“Fine, fine,” Ben grumbled. “I’ll tell my dad you’re giving away food now, though.”  

“Go ahead and try, I’m not scared of Han Solo.”  

“I can pay mine,” Rey said. “Really, I’m separate.”  

“No,” Maz said simply. Her tone did not leave room for argument.  

“Please,” Rey said, arguing anyway, “I’d like to.”  

“No.”  

“Come on, Rey. She’s not going to budge,” Ben said, standing up.  

If Rey had cash, she could just leave it on the table and walk away. But she didn’t. She cursed herself for not thinking ahead.  

“I’d really prefer to pay for my own,” Rey said, growing frustrated.  

“Can’t,” Maz said. “Won’t let you. Get out! Or I’ll call the cops on you for disturbing the peace.”  

“What Rey means to say,” Ben said, “is thank you, it was delicious.”  

“It’s frozen from Sysco, let’s don't pretend it’s something it’s not.” Maz shooed them away with a dishrag. “You’re stinking up my classy restaurant. Bring around any other hiker friends you have. I want to judge them too.”  

Ben smiled. “Ok, sure, thank you, Maz. I appreciate it.”  

They watched Maz make her way back behind the bar, then grabbed their packs to leave, Rey still seething.  

It’s not like she didn’t have money. She didn’t know why Maz assumed she couldn’t pay.   

“Are you--” Ben started. He licked his lips and worked his jaw briefly before trying again. “Have you already figured out where you’re staying?”  

“I was going to tent behind the soccer field.”  

“The apartment is pretty convenient. And free. It’s just a one-bedroom, but it’s always clean. If you want to stay. With me, I mean. In the apartment.”  

Rey considered this. It was supposed to rain over night. Packing up a wet tarp was never fun, and it would mean that she’d have to stop and take a break whenever the sun came out again, give her tarp time to dry out.   

He wasn’t paying for the room either.  

And Maz had said his whole trail family could stay there.  

“Yeah,” Rey said hesitantly. “Yeah, that—ok, thank you.”  

Ben smiled. “Good.”  

*  

“So this is where you lived?” Rey asked, craning her neck to take in the entire dorm. “Fancy.”  

“Just freshman year. Sophomore year I was over there,” Ben said, pointing at another building.   

Ben had asked Rey if she wanted to walk around campus once they’d gotten cleaned up and laundry started. She’d said yes. She wasn’t sure why, except she didn’t have much else to do. And maybe those cheap beers had hit her a little hard. She felt light and unworried, like she could giggle.  

“It’s a beautiful campus.”  

“I really loved being here,” Ben said honestly. They walked down the stairs of another building, headed to the Dartmouth Outing Club’s room.  

Ben pushed open the door to reveal an assortment of chairs and couches, the entire room covered in plaques and trophies and pictures.   

“Are you on any of these?” Rey asked, slowly walking along the perimeter of the room and reading the names on the various awards.  

“At one point I was,” Ben said, flopping down into an overstuffed armchair. Ben’s eyes tracked Rey. She could feel it, almost. She didn’t mind it, exactly. Not from Ben. But he didn’t miss much. And that always made her nervous.  

“Found you!” Rey exclaimed. “’Ben Organa-Solo Golden Nose Award for Navigation?’”  

Ben laughed. “Yeah, that’s me.”  

“When did you drop the Organa?”  

“In law school. It wasn’t always... good, having a well-known last name.”  

“Is Organa that well-known?”  

Ben made a so-so gesture with his hand. “In New England, probably.”  

“Huh,” Rey said, peering closer at another award, “does this get me a degree closer to Kevin Bacon or something?”  

“Maybe Chelsea Clinton. Definitely Bernie. That’s probably about it.”  

“I’ll take it.” Pointing at his award again, Rey turned to Ben. “I’m guessing there’s a story behind it.”  

“Of course.”  

“Aren’t you going to tell me?”  

“I got drunk and declared myself the expert in finding privies. Said I had a super nose.”  

“That’s not so bad.”  

“And then I stepped off trail to pee and stepped in a big pile of shit.”  

“Oh no! So much for that super nose.”  

“Yeah.”  

“Did you have to walk around with that on your shoes the rest of the trip?”  

“Yup. Tried to scrape it off but... not much I could really do in the woods. I smelled vaguely of shit the entire trip.”  

“Tell me more Drunk College Ben stories?” She felt silly and fun. She’d regret the alcohol tomorrow, but for now... she was happy.  

“Let me see, what’s appropriate for a youngster like you,” Ben said, teasing.  

“Please, grandpa, tell me about the 1800s.”  

“Smartass,” Ben said fondly. “There was the time we drove around campus spraying couples with a fire extinguisher. Called ourselves the PDA Patrol.”  

“What a nerd,” Rey said with a smile. “I’m guessing you were newly single?”  

“Got it in one, Rey.”  

*  

“Hey! Hikers! Hiiiikers!!” Ben and Rey turned to see a trio of young guys waving at them from the yard in front of a fraternity house. “Come party with us!!”  

“Oh my God,” Rey whispered, tugging on Ben’s arm, “now’s my chance to actually go to a fraternity party.”  

“You never went in college?”  

“I mostly just studied and worked.”  

“Well, let’s go then.” They crossed the lawn together, following their hosts inside.   

“So, like, what’re your names?” the first frat guy asked.  

“Ben, Rey,” Ben said, pointing at themselves.  

“South or North?” another frat guy asked.  

“Southbound,” Rey answered.  

“Hell yeah, do it on hard mode!” the second frat guy said, sticking up his hand for a high five. “Come play in our beer pong tourney. You can be the wildcard team.”  

“Oh shit, yes,” Rey said, excitement in her eyes. Ben would have never predicted that this is what would get Rey so enthusiastic. “I hope you’re good at this, Ben, or else we’re going to get very drunk.”  

Ben, as it turned out, was pretty good at beer pong, but Rey was better than she’d let on. She stuck her tongue out of the corner of her mouth when she took aim.  

It was cute.  

“Fourth time in a row, the winners!!” One of the frat guys in charge came over with a megaphone. “Tell us your names, kids!”  

Rey grabbed it, “I’m Rey Johnson and this is Benjamin Bail Organa-Solo and we’re fucking SOBOs, motherfuckers!!!”  

They were good, but that didn’t mean they were sober. Ben tried to drink two cups for every one that Rey drank, knowing she’d be a lightweight. He was honestly a little surprised she was still so coherent, considering she’d already been a little buzzed when they’d started.  

“Are you related to the philosophy building?” someone in the crowd shouted.  

The frat leader turned to Ben. “Oh, fuck. Like Organa-Skywalker?”  

Ben shrugged and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Yeah.”  

“Did you go here?”  

“Yeah,” Ben said. He didn’t love this much attention, but he was buzzed enough that it didn’t really bother him. And Rey seemed to be lapping it up, cackling so hard she had to lean on the beer pong table.  

“Hell yeah!” He turned the megaphone back on. “We have a celebrity with us, Ben Philosophy Building, of the Organa-Skywalker family!”  

Rey was enjoying his embarrassment. She was, he thought, living for this.

“His mom was a senator,” she drunkenly shout-whispered to the frat leader.   

“Leia Organa?”  

“I dunno, is that the right one, Ben?”  

Ben sighed. “Yeah, that’s the right one.”  

"Our next team taking on the Hikers is...” the frat leader consulted the bracket projected on the wall. “Sigma Nu Team 4! Step right up, here’s your chance to beat a Senator’s son!”  

“Bring it, assholes!” Rey shouted. “Me and fancy lawyer man are taking you down.”  

Ben laughed, letting Rey exchange trash talk with their competition. He’d never seen her like this, letting her guard down, letting loose. 

Not that he'd really seen that much of her, all told. 

“Hope you throw better than you smell, SOBO,” one of the Sigma Nus jeered.  

“Oh yeah?” Rey asked, crossing her arms belligerently. “You -- you shoulda smelled me yesterday!” Ben tried to keep his laughter in, but it was a struggle. He hid his grin behind a hand. Rey was swaying a little, her cheeks flushed. She pushed her hair out of her eyes impatiently. “Wait, no... listen, listen! You’ve just never smelled success before.”  

Rey smirked like she’d just delivered a killing blow.  

“Uhh,” one of the other Sigma Nus said, “we literally go to an Ivy League school.”  

“Yeah but it’s Dartmouth,” Rey said casually. “Does it really count? Anyway, hope you’re ready to lose your virginity, because you’re about to get fucked.”  

Ben lost it then. He couldn’t keep it in. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed so hard. It wasn’t even that funny, really, Rey was just so confident in her trash talk.  

She wasn’t done, though. “Now pay attention kids, ‘cause you’re about to get schooled. Fancy Pants Ben is gonna... he’s gonna teach you how to sit down and shut up, and I’m gonna... I’m gonna teach you... how to fuckin' lose.”  

One of their opponents started to say something, but Rey just shouted, “That’s a detention!” and threw the ball.  

“Rey,” Ben said, once she’d quieted down enough to answer him, “who’s your emergency contact in case you end up with alcohol poisoning?”  

“Don’t have one!” she said, glaring at the other side still. “I am a lone... hawk. Eagle? A lone star. Lone ranger. Whatever the fuck it is.”  

“Lone wolf?” Ben guessed.  

“Yes! Thank you, Benjamin,” Rey said, poking him in the chest to emphasize her words. “You are so smart.”  

“You are too, Rey,” he said, patting her head. “I’m gonna give you some emergency contacts once we’re done with this round.”  

Ben wondered if he was a little tipsy too.  

“K. I’ll take em. Eyes on the prize, Benji, we gotta creampie these motherfuckers.”  

*  

Rey sat at the bar of Maz’s, sipping water and scraping her plate clean.  

“Ben leave?” Maz was wiping down the bar top, the restaurant emptying out some.  

“Went up to take a shower,” Rey replied. “Thanks, again, for the apartment. That was too nice.”  

“You don’t have many people do nice things for you, do you?”  

Rey looked at Maz, unsure of how to respond.  

“You been on your own for a while, girl?” Maz tossed her dishrag into a bucket of soapy water, a few splatters wetting the floor.  

“I guess,” Rey responded.  

Maz nodded. “What made you want to hike the trail?”  

Rey sighed. “Just... just needed to walk, I guess.”  

“I get that. Never needed to walk 2,000 miles, but I’ve needed to walk before.” Maz crossed her arms, watching Rey closely. “You do this long enough, you start to recognize the same look in people. See the same eyes, you know?”  

Rey didn’t know.  

“You know how I met Ben’s dad? Han? Back in the 70s, you know, I spent some time in a communal living situation. Maybe some people would call it a cult. I called it a good time... until it wasn’t. But the whole idea was a self-sustaining community, where we only relied on ourselves to survive. Grow our own food, harvest it, make our own clothes, sustain the population, if you know what I mean...” Maz wagged her eyebrows suggestively.   

“You’re a hiker. You’re familiar with norovirus. Shit your brains out for days. No one was safe. Spread through the community like... well, like shit in an orgy.” Maz grimaced. “We didn’t have any disinfectant. No way to clean anything. We’d drunk all the alcohol during a full-moon ritual the week before, so we had to find someone to bring us stuff. Someone knew Han from some... alternative medicine transactions... and asked him to bring us some ‘shine. He came in with a van full of pure grain alcohol, took one look at all the shit holes we’d dug, and just laughed. Man didn’t stop laughing for days.  

“Once I was past the worst of it, I realized he was right. Thought we could live completely isolated. Hubris! Learned a good lesson that day. Met a good friend, too. Of course, what I didn’t know at the time was that Han needed somewhere to go for a few days, had some trouble following him. They’re friends now, him and Lando. Ben tell you about Lando yet? Lando’s the reason Ben wasn’t born a few years earlier. Han was on the run, had to go live up in the Yukon. In fact, Ben nearly wasn’t born at all, Han almost got frostbite on some real crucial bits. But at the time, when Han brought that ‘shine out to us… got him out of a tight spot. No one was gonna look for him in a failed communal farm in the midst of a noro outbreak.”  

Rey stared at Maz, her mouth opening and closing like a fish, unsure of how to respond to that monologue.  

“We coulda stuck it out, you know. Refused to ask anyone for help. Might’ve died in our own filth, but maybe not.”  

Maz ambled to the other end of the bar, leaving Rey to mull over her truly disgusting story.  

Rey wasn’t an idiot. She knew what Maz was doing.  

She just didn’t think Maz was right.  

“Why didn’t you just pay someone, instead of asking for a favor?” Rey asked when Maz came back over to her.  

“Ha! With what money? We spent it all on drugs as soon as we had any. We could really only barter and trade. And at that point, everything covered in a fine mist of noro... there was nothing we could trade with Han.”  

“You gave him somewhere to stay in exchange, though. Basically free rent.”  

“It was twelve tents in the woods! He slept in his van. Didn’t want to get too close to anyone until everything was clean, too.” Maz looked at Rey, long enough for Rey to feel uncomfortable. “You’re still stuck in Jakku, aren’t you?”  

“Of course not,” Rey said, trying to keep from snapping at Maz. “I’m literally in New Hampshire right now.”  

“You’re letting it control you. Same thing.”  

Rey clenched her jaw. “I’m not sure what you mean by that.”  

Maz laughed. “You kids today kill me.”  

Rey gave up. She finished her glass of water, knowing she’d be dehydrated tomorrow. “Thanks, Maz. For everything. I probably ought to head up though. Have to hike out early...”  

Maz looked at her shrewdly. Rey felt like Maz could read her thoughts or something. It was unnerving.  

“You can be your own company, girl,” Maz said abruptly, “but if I were you, I’d look for someone less stubborn.”  

Chapter Text

Day 38 

Prospect Rock 

Mile 544.1 

The view was incredible. Ben took a bite of the sandwich he’d packed out from town and felt his shoulders relax. The solitude was nice, really. It wasn’t exactly why he’d decided to hike the trail, but he didn’t mind it. There were just some moments, like now, sitting on a mountain with the sun setting in the distance that he wished, just a tiny bit, that there was someone nearby, just to prove to himself that he really was experiencing what he thought. 

That he really was out in the woods, walking thousands of miles, living his life. That he was doing something to... find himself, maybe. 

Ben really didn’t know why hiking the AT had felt like the right thing to do. It made him think of Chewie, sure. And Chewie had been excited to hear that Ben had quit his job, had decided to be spontaneous and take a risk and live in the forest. Ben really didn’t know what he hoped to accomplish while he was out here.  

And it might be nice if someone else was here, not accomplishing anything more than hiking a few more miles. 

But really, he was happy enough alone. 

He hadn’t seen Rey since Hanover. She’d been gone when he woke up in the morning.  

(He’d figured she would be.)  

She’d left a note, just saying thanks. He supposed that was pretty good. Maz had just laughed when he’d told her. 

So here he was, camping on top of a ridge with stunning views over Manchester Center, absolutely not thinking about Rey. Or anything, really. He tugged up the zipper on his puffy. It was getting colder now. He’d need to make sure Hux had been able to find his heavier winter gear, just so it was ready to be shipped, once winter really came. 

“Tell me my eyes don’t deceive me!” called out a voice behind him. “Those luscious locks can only belong to my buddy Benny Boy!” 

Ben turned around. “Poe, I swear to God, call me Benny Boy one more time...” Ben couldn’t keep the smile out of his voice when he spoke. He found himself truly excited to see his friend again. He’d missed Poe and the easy camaraderie they’d had, hiking the Hundred Mile Wilderness just the two of them.  

Dropping his pack, Poe plopped down on the ground next to Ben. “Hell of a view. Camping up here?” 

“Yeah, there’s still room for another tent or two. You by yourself now?” 

Poe nodded. “Finn and Kaydel are probably a day or two behind. I was ready for bigger miles. Where’s Rey?” 

Ben shrugged. “Ahead, I guess. Haven’t seen her since Hanover.” 

“All spread out.” 

“It’s a small trail. I’m sure we’ll all meet up again.” 

Poe hummed. “I’m gonna set up, if that’s ok. I had dinner in town. Little fancy for my wallet, but damn that was a good sandwich. The whole place just smelled like rich people. I bet you felt right at home.” 

He had, a little, so Ben just shrugged.

The sun dipped down further, nearly sunk, by the time Poe had his tent set up.  

“So,” Ben said, “throuple was too much trouble?” 

Poe sighed. “They’re...young. But very nice. But young. And honestly... I didn’t come out here to get in a trailmance. I wanted to, like... find myself. Figure some things out, you know? I mean, for the first time in years I don’t have the government telling me where to live or when to shit. And now I can shit almost anywhere I want! I can shit over there, I could shit behind that tree... that bush looks like a good shitting bush. I hardly know what to do with myself, let alone how to be with someone else.” 

Ben nodded. “Yeah, I get that. Not... the shitting stuff, but trying to figure things out. Sorry about Finn, though.” 

“We still have a lot of hiking to do. Who knows, maybe he’ll grow up a little. Or maybe I’ll grow down some.” Poe pulled up the hood on his jacket. “We kind of figured you and Rey would be engaged by now.” 

“Nah, it’s not like that,” Ben said. “We just got along.” 

“Ah, so you didn’t find her easy on the eyes at all? Still no wink wink, nudge nudge going on?” 

“Of course n—I mean, sure, she’s not—she's like a decade younger than I am. I mean, that’s a real age gap.” 

“Eh. She doesn’t act like it though.” 

“Maybe,” Ben said. Maybe she didn’t, but sometimes he thought she did. The way she ran away. The way she refused to let people do things for her. The way she couldn’t just say ‘thanks’ and let someone be nice. 

“You know much about her?” Poe asked. “Seems like she’s got some story.” 

“She hasn’t ever told me, if she does. Seems to be a pretty private person.” Ben had a feeling Rey would hate the idea of this conversation ever happening. 

“Sucks that Finn just kind of... abandoned her for Kaydel,” Poe mused. “That’s what I mean, about Finn. It’s one thing to hike at different speeds, but he barely talked to her once Kaydel joined the group. Not like I’m a perfect example of manners and how to be a decent person, but... I dunno. I bet Rey was pissed.” 

“She never mentioned it, if she was.” 

“Huh. That’s a little surprising.” 

Ben considered this. Maybe it was surprising, her lack of reaction to Finn replacing her with Kaydel so easily. 

Or maybe... maybe she hadn’t been surprised by it at all. Ben wouldn’t be surprised at all if that were the case. She seemed like she kind of expected things to go south, all the time. Ben decided to change the subject. “How did you like Hanover?”  

“Man, it was great. Spent too much time at that Irish pub.” 

“Did you zero there?” 

“No, just a nearo. I ended up tenting behind the soccer field. Ate a lot of town food, got a shower and did laundry, resupplied, then headed out. Did you stop at the Blue Barn?” 

“I did! I stayed there, actually. The owner of the Irish pub in Hanover is a family friend, so I caught up with her some and got a late start out of town. Made it a whole 9.8 miles before I hit the White River and Linda’s.” 

“I grabbed a slice of pizza and a gatorade when I passed by. My first encounter with a trail angel, I guess,” Poe said. “Although I suspect we won’t get much more trail magic, now that the NOBOs are pretty much gone.” 

“Probably right,” Ben agreed. “I won’t miss them, though. I was pretty done with shelters for a while there.” 

“Have you been stealth camping a lot, then?”  

“Not a ton, but I’d like to do a little more. I’ve been trying to get better at filling up my water so I have the option to dry camp, too.” 

“I see you succeeded tonight,” Poe said, gesturing to Ben’s full water bottles. 

“Well. It was only two miles from the last water source,” Ben said wryly. “Not exactly a challenge. We’ll see if I can keep it up in Pennsylvania.” 

“Not looking forward to that,” Poe confessed. “Although I am looking forward to my friend Rose coming out.” 

“What’s she like?” 

“Hmm…” Poe began. “She’s a ball buster, for sure. Has no problem taking on dudes twice her size. Mouth works faster than her brain. She’s smart though. She’s at Drexel doing a master's in engineering.” 

“Have you hiked together before?” 

“Yeah. We took a backpacking class together in college. That’s how we met. Then we worked for Outward Bound together in the summers.  And she’s not too far from the trail, so she does trail magic and stuff.” 

“Has she thru-hiked?” 

“She section hiked, actually. Finished the trail a few years ago, so now she just hikes for fun until she decides to do the PCT or something. She’s going to be in Boston soon, for a conference. Trying to convince her to come out to the trail that weekend, if I can time it right. I think I can. Might have to slow down some.” 

Ben hummed. “Upper Goose Pond Cabin?” 

“That’s what I was thinking. Maybe Great Barrington, though. Have you been? To Upper Goose, I mean?” 

“Yeah. It’s incredible. My buddy Hux used to go there when he was a kid. We did a section hike together while we were in college, stopped there for a nearo.” 

“This is the guy you work with, right? Said you were too soft to thru-hike now?” Poe asked.  

“Yeah.” Ben shook his head. “That’s the one.” 

“Rose said something similar to me. Made a ‘Chair Force’ joke and all.” 

“Well don’t they sound like two peas in a pod,” Ben joked. 

“Our egos would never survive the two of them together.”  

Day 38 

Porcupine Lookout 

Mile 575.0 

Rey rolled over and moaned. Everything hurt. She’d been fine the day before. Well, mostly fine. She’d had a headache and felt tired, but that wasn’t anything new. She had eaten a little more food, thinking she was just hungry. It hadn’t helped.  

And maybe she’d felt a little chilled when she went to bed, but it was getting colder. She assumed she just needed better layers.  

And if she thought back, she’d started coughing yesterday, too. Just a dry cough. Probably allergies. 

If she were really honest, she knew she was getting sick when she only managed a 20 mile day yesterday instead of the 26-27 she’d been doing. 

Today had been miserable and slow. Rey had woken up later than normal; just another sign she was coming down with something. Once she’d gotten packed up and left camp, she found herself huffing and puffing up the smallest incline, having to stop and cough and catch her breath. She’d only managed six miles so far, arriving here a little after 1pm. She’d unfolded her sleeping pad and laid down for a nap, and here she was, hours later, feeling worse than ever. 

She could stay here, rest up, and hike out tomorrow. It was less than 5 miles to the road crossing that would take her into Bennington. She could clean up then, grab any medicine she might need. Maybe stay in a motel or something.  

She’d feel better tomorrow, if she could just sleep it off. 

Dragging herself up, Rey unpacked her backpack and started the task of setting up camp. She’d just get her tarp up, just in case it started raining or something. She could cook some food and maybe take some Advil, and then lay back down. 

It wasn’t her best pitch. There was a sag on the ridgeline that wasn’t normally there, but the tarp was up. She decided that actually, food sounded like a terrible idea. All she wanted to do was sleep. She pushed up on one elbow, taking a swig of water. Her throat was swollen and painful now, too. She wanted to cry but felt like it would take too much energy. Energy she just... didn’t have. 

She’d feel better when she woke up, she was sure. 

Day 40 

Glastenbury Mountain 

Mile 569.0 

“Fuck, man, I almost died taking a piss,” Poe said, laughing as he walked back to the firetower. “I swear something tried to pull me down between the rocks.” 

Ben glanced up as Poe emerged from the trees. He sent his last text message and then slid his phone into his pocket. “Have you heard of the Bennington Triangle?” 

Poe’s eyes were wide. “No. What’s that? Like the Bermuda Triangle?” 

“Yeah. Bunch of people went missing around here. This is supposed to be the center of it.” 

“Don’t fucking say shit like that, Ben. Gonna give me nightmares.” 

“Well you’re almost safe. Just gotta make it off this mountain and you’ll be out of the triangle.” 

“Can’t come soon enough,” Poe muttered with a shudder. “Gives me the creeps.” 

It was a little creepy. A heavy mist had settled around the mountain. The birds were quiet, leaving the forest still and silent. Ben wasn’t the kind of person to believe in something like the Bennington Triangle. There was always a logical explanation.  

Still. That didn’t mean he was opposed to spreading the legend, just to mess with Poe. 

“Better hope it wasn’t the Bennington Monster.” 

“Your aunt is going to let me sleep inside, right? There’s a door I can lock?” 

Ben laughed. “Yes. Definitely a door. But she lives on like some huge farm, so... not many neighbors. Plenty of woods.” 

“Fuck, Ben. Really?” 
 

* 

Day 40 

Porcupine Lookout 

Mile 575.0 

She slept fitfully, waking every few hours with a coughing fit, or dripping sweat, or chills, or just... pain.  

She turned her cell phone on, checking the time. Miserably, only 2am. She had decent cell service, so she did a quick google of her symptoms. Flu seemed most likely. She could survive the flu.  

Rey rolled over, considering her options. 

She didn’t actually have that many options, now that she thought about it. She had to get to town in the next day or two. She had to get to a water source sooner. She just had to decide to... do it. 

She couldn’t even think about eating. Everything hurt too much. She didn’t actually have that much food left; she didn’t know how long she’d be stuck here, so maybe it was better to save what she had. She was supposed to be in Bennington today to resupply. Now she was stuck 4.5 miles from the road crossing.  

She’d figure it out later. For now, she just wanted to sleep. 

She woke up again around 10am and pulled out her guidebook, determined to make a plan.  She needed water. If she could make it 1.2 miles she could fill up, and then it was just another 3.3 to the road crossing. On a normal day, she could hike four and a half miles in an hour, maybe hour and fifteen. She grabbed her tiny golf pencil and found Porcupine Lookout listed on the page. “Fucking sick as a dog,” she wrote carefully in the margins next to it. 

Gritting her teeth, Rey rolled to her knees, crawling out from under her tarp. Her muscles were screaming in pain. Her fever felt worse, too. She shivered, zipping up her puffy. She needed to eat, if she was going to try to hike. She tried to eat a granola bar, but it felt like glass in her throat. She bent over, coughing violently.  

Maybe she didn’t need calories that bad. 

It took too long for her to pack up her gear. At least she didn’t have the weight of food or water in her pack... but she also didn’t have food or water.  

Leaning heavily on her trekking poles, Rey stumbled down the trail. 

She was strong. 

She was capable. 

She was independent. 

She was... crying. 

She cried until she got to the water source, then she stopped long enough to drink a few sips. She stood back up and started walking again. And crying. 

She was... sprawled out on the trail, one trekking pole handle jammed into the meaty part of her palm. She wasn’t too sure what happened. She’d been a little lightheaded, sure, but she’d been going slow, taking her time, being careful. 

And then the ground had been rushing up to her face, she was trying to bring her arms in front of her, catch herself on her trekking pole, trying to get her foot far enough ahead of her center of mass, but her body just... didn’t cooperate.  

She rolled to her side, her pack keeping her from rolling to her back. Her knees and arms were bleeding, scraped up from the rocky trail as her forward momentum had colluded with gravity to drag her along the ground, just enough. She didn’t think she’d hit her head but it was hard to tell, everything already hurt so bad. She reached for a water bottle only to find that side pocket empty. She saw it then, still rolling down the steep drop-off to the side of the trail. There was no way she’d be able to climb down to get it.  

Well. She could probably get down to it. She just wouldn’t be able to get back up. 

This was not very LNT of her. 

Rey shrugged off her pack and took stock of her situation. She was sick. She had a fever. Her ribs ached and she struggled to breathe with her cough. Her throat hurt, she was so tired, and everything, everything hurt. And she only had half a granola bar, some tea bags, two tortillas, and one liter of water. 

And now she was bleeding. 

She was not in a good spot. 

She sat there for what felt like a minute but could have been half an hour. Eventually, she stood up. There was a shelter, she thought. In maybe a mile? She could get to the shelter and take a break, maybe. Another nap. 

The forest was quiet, maybe even a little spooky. The large limestone boulders to either side of the trail were covered in moss and ferns. The trees were dense, blocking out most light. A creeping fog blocked out the rest. She was grateful for that. At least the sun wasn’t blaring in her eyes. 

Could the sun… blare? Regardless, it wasn’t doing that. 

She pondered this as she slowly made her way down the trail. She only stumbled a few times before she saw the shelter roof.  

The shelter was empty. She dropped her pack and sprawled out, the wood floor blessedly cool on her face. 

Something rolled around in her head, something she could do. Someone she could call?  

She pulled out her phone and flipped through her contacts, wondering if she had Ben’s number, if maybe he was close by, if maybe he even had cell service. 

She hated the idea of calling someone, admitting she’d been stupid, admitting she needed help. She’d have to beg for help. It was mortifying. 

But she hated the idea of smashing her head or dying from dehydration or electrolyte imbalance even more. Probably. 

Would she die from the flu? Rey honestly wasn’t sure. 

She flipped the ringer switch off and on, thinking. 

She’d be fine. She could crawl the rest of the way to the road if she had to. She could hitch into town from there.  

She scooted to the edge of the shelter platform then stood up. The blood rushed to her head, throbbing in great, heavy beats. Darkness crept into her vision, everything turning to static. 

She sat back down, heavily. Maybe… maybe she could wait a little longer, then try again. 

She really was the worst kind of company to keep. 

Chapter Text

Day 40 

Mile 577.8 

Melville Nauheim Shelter 

“Rey? Are you ok? Rey??”  

She ached. Her hip, in particular, was screaming. She tried to shift, to change positions, but realized she was laying on the wooden floor of a shelter, no sleeping pad at all. Just... rawdogging the 2x4s. She looked down, frowning. Or were these 2x6s?  

Either way. What...the fuck?  

“Rey? Rey. Can you wake up?”   

She groaned as she managed to roll onto her back. She was close to the edge, one arm dangling off into empty air. There were hands on her, cool hands, brushing hair off her forehead.  

“Here, let me see,” another voice said. “They at least teach us the basics in Basic.” Rough hands felt her face, pried open her eyes.  

“What the fuck?” she managed to croak out, throat burning with the effort. “I can open my eyes, you asshole.”  

“You look like you fell,” the second voice said. She recognized it. “Had to check your pupils. I think you’re mostly just sick. Probably a fever.”  

A shiver wracked her body, her muscles tensing up. Her entire torso was just one huge ache, her back and ribs exhausted from coughing. Something caught in her throat, and she started coughing again.  

“Fuck,” she croaked out between coughs. “This hurts.”  

“That doesn't sound great,” the first voice said.  

“Maybe the flu?” The second voice asked.  

“Rey, can you stand up? If I help you?” That was Ben. It had to be.  

She felt like she was nodding. Of course she could stand up. She was strong. She was capable. She didn't need help. She pushed the hands away.  

“Ok, try it yourself,” the hands grumbled. Ben’s hands. She was pretty sure her feet were under her now. She just needed to... push? Or press? Had she ever learned how to stand up?  

“Well, fancy meeting you here!” another voice said. A woman. She sounded nice. She sounded… recent?  

“Aunt Amilyn! I thought we were meeting you at the road?”  

Oh. Amilyn Holdo (Bennington).  

“Well, that was the plan, but I got a distress call and came to help.”  

“What?” Ben asked, confused.  

“Your friend needed water and Tylenol, asked if I could help.”  

“Rey called you?” Ben sounded surprised. Rey wondered if she should be offended by the surprise in his voice.  

“’mnot ‘n idiot,” Rey mumbled in her defense.  

“Of course you're not,” Amilyn said gently. “She said she’d meet me at the road, but I didn’t see anyone, so figured I’d head up the trail a bit.”  

“Well,” Ben said with a sigh, “you found her.”  

“I’ll carry your pack, Ben, if your friend here – is this Poe? Such a pleasure to meet you, I’m thrilled you’ll be joining us at the house — can carry Rey’s pack, and you get Rey?”  

“‘M fine,” Rey protested, opening her eyes and scooting herself to sit against the shelter wall. “Just need some Tylenol.”  

“Well, you do need that,” Amilyn said, handing her a few pills and a cold bottle of water. Rey mumbled thanks and swallowed eagerly, the chilled water soothing her throat some. “You just also need to get out of the woods.”  

“Mile and a half,” Poe said, “but steep. Shit. 12.5% grade!”  

Rey took another sip of the cold water and closed her eyes. She was good to just stay here. She drew her legs up, wrapped her arms around them, then let her head drop to her knees.  

“It’s a little rocky, but not too bad,” Amilyn was saying. “More stairs than anything else.”  

“It’s not far.” Ben had his serious voice on. A little hushed. “I’ll just run down to the car and drop my pack off there, then come back up. If you can carry Rey’s pack...”  

“...pretty light, we can dump the rest of the water...”  

“Nah, it’s a short day anyways. It’ll be fun, hiking without a pack...”  

She let her focus drift, tuning out their voices. Her eyes slid closed again.

It was quiet when she felt a cool hand tucking her hair behind her ear.  

“Rey? Can you sit up?”  

Rey was pretty sure she’d do anything for Amilyn Holdo (Bennington). She obeyed, even opened her eyes.  

“I made you ramen. Well, I boiled water and then dumped in the flavoring. Think you can drink some?”  

“I don’t have ramen,” Rey said, confused.  

“Ben did. He and Poe went to take their packs down to the car. They’ll be back up in a bit. Hopefully that’ll give the Tylenol some time to kick in. If you can manage to get some of this down, you might make it out of here without spraining an ankle or cutting up your face any more.”  

Rey nodded, accepting the warm pot. She took a careful sip, unsure how hot the liquid would be.  

It was perfect.  

“The good ramen,” Rey said. “I found some of this in the Whites.”  

“Ben knows how to find the good stuff.” Amilyn raised her hand to hover near Rey’s forehead. “May I?”  

Confused, Rey just nodded yes. She wasn’t sure what Amilyn Holdo (Bennington) wanted to do, but Rey would take a bullet for her, she was pretty sure.  

“Fever’s gone down a little, I think,” Amilyn said, resting the back of her hand to Rey’s forehead and cheeks. Rey resisted the urge to let her head fall into Amilyn Holdo (Bennington)’s hand, but it was a struggle. Her touch was soft and gentle and soothed her in a way she hadn’t seen coming. “You’re not as hot as you were when we got here.”  

“Feels better,” Rey agreed.  

“You’re coming to my house,” Amilyn said. “Ben and Poe were already going to stay, so you might as well come too.”  

“I’ll get you sick.”  

“I got my flu shot. And I have a great TA. She can teach for me if I do get sick. She’s dying to do more.” Amilyn looked at her, eyes soft and understanding. “It’s ok to need help, Rey.”  

Rey felt her jaw clench, tears rising hot behind her eyes. “Is it?” she heard herself whisper, voice tight and choked. She hadn't wanted to call and ask for the Tylenol and water, but she'd made herself. Accepting Amilyn Holdo (Bennington)'s hospitality was... was it too much? 

“Of course. It’s part of the trail. Well, it’s part of life, but it’s even more so part of the trail.” Amilyn patted her leg. “We’ll get you patched up and on your feet in no time. But you need to let yourself rest, and you can’t do that when you have to hike down to a stream to get water.”  

Rey took another sip of the broth. She knew Amilyn was right. She did need a bed, a shower, access to clean water without trying to follow a blue blaze trail and filling her bottle from a little trickle running over a rhododendron leaf.  

She’d need some real food, at some point. When she could swallow without feeling like she was eating glass. She let her eyes close as she sipped on the ramen, trying to accept the idea of staying at Amilyn's home. Poe would be there, and Amilyn had never met him. 

Rey considered what the next few days might be like, if she refused Amilyn's offer and stayed here.

It would fucking suck.

Rey clenched her jaw as she nodded once. She would go. Besides, of all the people to accept help from, Amilyn Holdo (Bennington) might be the best case scenario. 

“It’s offensive, how much easier hiking is without a pack,” Poe announced cheerfully as he and Ben approached the shelter. “How’s our patient doing?”  

“You have…too much energy,” Rey complained.  

“Funny, all my teachers said the same thing,” Poe replied easily. “Sounds like you’re doing better, though, if you can complain about me. Always a good sign, I say. Hand me that sweet MYOG pack. I want to try this thing. See if I need to commission you to make me one. I’m into these colors.” Rey pushed her pack towards Poe, who easily swung it onto his back. He wasn't much taller than Rey, so he didn't have to adjust the straps very much. 

"Are these like running vest-style shoulder straps? This is killer, Rey. I thought it would be way less comfortable than this. Nice job." Poe lightly jogged a circle around the shelter, testing the fit of her pack. She was proud of herself. She'd drafted the pattern herself and now someone else liked the design she'd made. That felt pretty good.

“How’d you do with the broth, Rey?” Amilyn asked, peering into the pot. “One more sip and you’ll finish it off.”  

Rey obeyed, tipping the pot back.   

“Very good. I’ll take that,” Amilyn said, reaching for the empty pot. Rey felt something warm bloom in her chest at Amilyn’s praise. She’d been very good.  

Ben stood in front of Rey, arms reaching out to her. “Come on, Rey. It’s not too bad. I can piggyback you, if we need to.” Rey tried to glare at him. He laughed gently. “Terrifying. You can walk. Just saying it’s an option.”  

Rey let him pull her up and steady her as she found her balance. She started to pull her hands free, then thought better of it. It would be good to hold on to him, maybe with just one hand. Just in case she tripped or something.  

*  

Day 42 

Bennington, VT 

Mile 579.4 

October 6 

Rey stretched her arms above her head, luxuriating in the soft bed. She was warm and dry and clean. Her fever broke last night, her body apparently deciding 32 hours on the softest mattress she’d ever slept on was enough to cure her. The long, hot baths and endless mugs of steaming tea with honey had helped, too. As well as all manner of creamy soups and unusual sorbet flavors, delivered by Amilyn’s gentle hands, her patient voice instructing Rey to take just another bite.  

Rey thought she would do literally anything that woman asked her to do. Amilyn had changed Rey's sheets twice a day. She never had to sleep on damp, clammy sheets. If that didn’t inspire unconditional devotion, Rey didn’t know what would.  

She wasn’t entirely sure what Ben and Poe had been doing the whole time — Rey having been horizontal and mostly unconscious the whole time — but she could just barely hear them outside now, laughing.   

Rey padded to the bathroom and took a shower, the hot water washing away the last of the stiffness in her joints. She stood naked in front of the mirror, taking stock.  

She’d lost… too much weight. She could see that. Her bony shoulders and hips had deep purple bruises from her pack straps and hip belt. Her knees and arms were mostly scabbed over from her fall near the spring, but her hand had bruised — a deep plum, almost black, painful to even look at – where her trekking pole handle had jammed into it. She’d be a one pole hiker for a few days. Her body was covered in other bruises and scrapes from the last five weeks. They weren’t healing like they should.   

She’d pushed too hard. She’d done too much with too little food and just wore herself out. That’s all there was to it.   

She’d been stupid.  

Careless.  

Irresponsible.  

Rey had her appetite back. Her throat wasn’t really sore anymore. It was time to eat more than just soup.  

She pulled on the clothes Amilyn had left out for her — leggings, a camisole, and a soft, oversized cardigan, long enough to wrap around her like a rich white woman about to sleep with someone she probably shouldn’t in a Nancy Meyers film. Rey wandered out of her room, down the stairs, and into the open kitchen.  

“Well, hello!” Amilyn said warmly, hands still kneading the bread dough being worked on the countertop. “You look much better today.”  

“I feel much better,” Rey said. “Thank you, so much. I can’t possibly repay you for your kindness.”  

“I received lots of kindness that I couldn’t pay back either, so it all comes out in the wash. Ben probably wouldn’t have stayed this long if you hadn’t been here, though, so I owe you for that.”  

“Where is Ben?”  

“Out at the pool with Poe.” Amilyn nodded to the window. Rey peered out, seeing them both relaxing in the water. She looked a little longer than was necessary, perhaps, considering there wasn’t much more to see than two half-naked men in a concrete rectangle of water. “I turned the heater on, so it’s nice and warm. You’re welcome to go out too, if you’re feeling up to it.”  

“Maybe in a bit,” Rey said. “I just got clean.”  

“After lunch, maybe,” Amilyn agreed.   

“Were they staying here? I don’t think I ever heard them.”  

“No, I stuck them out in the horse barn.” Rey’s surprise must have shown on her face. Amilyn laughed softly.  “Well, guest house. I think the previous owners had their daughter living out there. Thought I’d make sure you had enough peace and quiet to recover.”  

“Thank you,” Rey said, blushing. “That’s… so kind of you.”  

“Old houses like this don’t have much sound proofing. The way those two carry on... well, they had fun out there, from what I saw.” Amilyn dropped the dough back into the bowl, then covered it with a cloth. “Time for this to rise. Feeling up to a little work?”  

Intrigued, Rey followed Amilyn outside to a small red shed at the edge of the garden. The yard was beautiful, even in early fall. Split rail fences separated the yard from the pasture spreading out from the house. A small gazebo sat just on the other side of the fence, mountains stacked up in the distance behind it.   

“This is stunning, Amilyn,” Rey said, taking in the land around her.  

“Thank you. I fell in love the moment I saw it. The house has been here since the 1700s. It’s too much room for just me, so I make sure to have people here as much as possible.”  

“Is that an orchard?”  

“It is. Amazing apples. I’ve got some cider in the root cellar. You’ll have to try it.” Amilyn opened the door to a detached garage. “Welcome to my folly. Or... my studio.”  

There were canvases and a pottery wheel and … “Is that a loom?” Rey asked.  

Amilyn laughed. “It is. I find so many things too interesting to not try. You can get looms pretty cheap, if you don’t care how old they are and you can move it.”  

Amilyn sat at one of the pottery wheels, gesturing to Rey to sit at another. “Want to make something?” Amilyn asked.  

Rey nodded and sat at the other wheel.  

Imitating Amilyn, Rey packed her clay and threw it on the wheel.  “That’s right, just lock your elbows in and use your body – lean on that left hand, that’s where the majority of the work is.” Amilyn watched Rey, then nodded as she started to get the hang of it. “I find pottery to be incredibly forgiving. If I hate what I make, I just squish it back and start over. It feels almost like meditation, shaping a pot.”  

Rey had to agree with her. She wasn’t trying to make anything, just enjoying the feeling of pressing her fingers into the soft clay, feeling it spin around and around and re-shape itself to fit around her whims.  

“Ben told me you met on Katahdin,” Amilyn said finally.  

“We did. We’ve hiked together off and on. All of the ‘off’ was me, though. He’s... he’s a nice guy. Not in the ‘Nice Guy’ sense,” Rey clarified, making air quotes with her wet, muddy fingers, “but in the actual ‘man who is nice’ sense.”  

“He’s a good kid. He was a nightmare as a baby – not his fault, just so colicky. But so curious and bright and genuinely interested in people. A little serious – you should ask him about his childhood hobbies sometime. And of course, he’s always been a protector – he got into a few fights defending his friends. He wouldn’t let Leia kill any bugs when he was little. She hated it.” Amilyn laughed softly, lost in memories for a moment. “I used to take him spelunking and rock climbing, when he’d come stay with me, back when I lived in California. He always carried extra water and food, just in case someone needed it.”  

Amilyn fell silent for a moment, focusing on shaping the clay in front of her. Rey watched it spin, watched Amilyn's hands bring it up and back down, spread out, curved. Then she stopped the wheel, smashed it flat, and looked up at Rey. “That’s my favorite part, I think. Smashing it.”  

Rey laughed then. She hadn’t expected any of this when she’d swallowed her pride and made that phone call. She’d never imagined she’d be sitting in a little red shed making pottery with this glamourous, adventurous professor.  

“How did you meet Ben’s mom? It’s Leia, right?” Rey asked, her curiosity only growing the more she thought about Amilyn, the more she learned about her.  

“That’s right. We grew up together, at the same boarding school. She was ambitious and focused and brilliant. I was trouble. Always wanted to try things I had no business trying, needed adrenaline and a little risk in my life. And creativity,” Amilyn said, indicating either her soft lavender hair or the shed full of creative hobbies. “We didn’t have many classes together and weren’t in the same circles, but we knew of each other. She was in the smart classes; I was in the ‘please don’t kick me out’ classes. But we both ended up on the Orienteering team. I loved hiking and going somewhere new. Leia loved the puzzle of it. We were a good team. Then we ended up at Wellesley together and became friends. Not close friends, but... friends.”  

“Huh. I assumed Leia went to Dartmouth.”  

“Did you see the philosophy building then?” Amilyn asked with a wry twist of her lips. “No, her brother Luke did, and their birth father. She grew up in Norwich, though, which is just across the river from Hanover.”  

“Did you and Leia continue doing Orienteering stuff?” Rey asked.  

“Sort of. We were both in the Outing Club, but I generally did the rock climbing and kayaking outings. Leia usually ended up at things like apple picking and whale watching. We did go on one or two hikes together, though, with the Club.”  

“Do you still hike?”  

“Ben didn’t give you much information, did he?” Amilyn asked.  

“No, he didn’t,” Rey said honestly. “We didn’t really talk about you much. I... got really drunk in Hanover and he said I needed emergency contacts, so he put some numbers in my cell phone. Luckily, he also added cities, or else I would have been really confused.”  

“That sounds like Ben,” Amilyn said. “Yes, I still hike some. Did some thru hikes when I was younger, but I usually prefer to LASH or do shorter thru hikes now.”  

“When did you thru-hike?” Rey asked.  

“I did the AT back in early 80s. That was my first thru. I was young and hot and had way too much attitude. I wasn’t quite ambitious enough to really fit into the Wellesley mold, so I took off after graduation and headed to Maine to hike southbound. Your little pack you made sure makes me regret some of my gear choices. I hiked in jeans!”  

Rey laughed. “How much did your pack weigh?”  

“It wasn’t really a thing to weigh packs back then – things just weighed what they weighed and you put up and shut up. But probably around 60 pounds. I put up, but I suffered too.”  

“Did you love it?”  

“Some days. Cried a lot. Especially the first thousand miles. I was so determined to prove to everyone that I was strong enough to finish the trail. I didn’t want anyone to think I was a weak little girl, some spoiled rich kid. Just thought I had to be the toughest, meanest, hardest hiker out there.” Amilyn smiled, watching her wheel spin for a moment. “I made everything twice as hard as it had to be, just to prove I could do it.”  

“That must have been satisfying, though, to know that you could push through like that,” Rey said. She could imagine the triumph, knowing how hard it had been, knowing how the story ended.  

“Oh no, absolutely not. I wouldn’t have finished, if I’d kept that up. I was in Harpers Ferry, just bawling my eyes out, starving, trying to find enough quarters to call my parents and tell them to come get me. Or at least send me bus fare. I had no money, no food, nothing warm enough to get through fall. I was trying to pick up odd jobs in towns, do a sort of work-for-stay. Bought only just enough food and tried to forage the rest. Too much Chicken of the Woods and Poke Sallet.”   

“What’d you do, then? Did you call your parents?”  

“I tried to, but they didn’t answer. I would’ve quit the trail that day, you know, if they’d answered. So I hung up, got my dime back – do you actually know how payphones worked? I need to study that Mindset List more – and called Leia. Asked if she’d come visit me and lend me some money. I needed a friend and I needed a handout.”  

Rey couldn’t imagine. She couldn’t imagine having a friend close enough to ask for money. And she couldn’t imagine actually asking them for money.  

It must have showed on Rey’s face. Amilyn chuckled.  

“I felt the same way you feel about it. Made me sick to my stomach. I was out there to prove to the world that I could do it all. My parents had refused to give me money for the hike – unsurprising, really, they wanted me to get married and serious – so I only had the money I made that summer before I graduated, working at a summer camp. But I wanted to finish the trail and I couldn’t do it alone. Only way to get to Georgia was with help. I had to decide if I wanted the adventure or my pride more.”  

“Was it worth it?” Rey asked, a little quieter. Not sure she was ready to hear the answer, whatever it was.  

“A million times over. Pride makes for a shitty story and a boring life.” They worked in silence a while longer, Rey mulling over Amilyn’s words.  

“Leia and I were friends, we’d known each other a long time, but we weren’t that close. She’d laughed and told me good luck when I said I wanted to thru hike -- I was never sure if she was sincere or sarcastic with that, and I'm still not sure. But she came and we got drunk in Harpers Ferry, took the bus into Washington DC and tried to sneak in to a bunch of places we weren’t supposed to be. Leia was the quintessential, ambitious Wellesley girl. She always wanted to be at the center of it, shaping policy. I was a bit of a mess, no clue what I really wanted to do with my life. I never fit in at Wellesley the way Leia did. Used to make me feel a little... less than. A little messy and untethered. I felt like I had a lot to prove.  

“I don’t love a lot of the Founding Fathers, for many reasons, but Benjamin Franklin believed that the best way to change someone’s bad opinion of you, to make friends, was to ask them to do you a favor. Counterintuitive for people-pleasers, I know. But that vulnerability is important in relationships, you know? She became my closest friend after that. And if I hadn’t sucked it up and made the phone call, you wouldn’t be sitting here with me today. And wouldn’t that be boring!” Amilyn shrugged a little, reconsidering. “Or, maybe we would. Who knows how fate really works. But I don’t know that I’d be as happy as I am today. I wouldn’t have kept thru-hiking, if I quit the AT.”  

“What other hikes have you done?”  

“I did the PCT in 1996 and the Camino in 2001. Some of the GRs in Europe over the last twenty years or so. Plenty of shorter thru hikes – Colorado Trail, Long Trail, Benton Mackaye. And now I live here, and I get to be a Trail Angel sometimes or leave a little trail magic when I go for a day hike. And I get to play nursemaid to sweet SoBos who get the flu.” Amilyn’s voice took on a teasing lilt. Rey wanted to blush, being described as ‘sweet’ like that.  

(Was she... in love with Amilyn Holdo (Bennington)?  

Or did she just want to be Amilyn Holdo (Bennington)?)  

Rey hummed, watching her lump of clay spin. What would have happened to her, sick in that shelter, if Amilyn hadn’t finished her thru hike. Who would Ben be, if Leia and Amilyn never became friends.  

“Did you pay her back?” Rey asked finally, desperate to know the answer.  

“The money? No,” Amilyn said with a laugh. “But it wasn’t something she cared about. I showed up with wine every time she and Han broke up – and believe me, that was a lot of wine. I quit my job at a non-profit to work with her when she got elected. Babysat that dark giant outside, too. All things I wanted to do, nothing I ever resented or even felt like a chore. Money, for Leia, was like... like having people stay at my house. It feels like a lazy solution to problems because I love having people here. It doesn’t put me out in any way to have people stay at my house. It only brings me joy, to see other people make memories here with me. For Leia, knowing that I’d be doing something adventurous with her money brought her joy.”  

Rey nodded. She focused on the feeling of the clay, the droning sound of the wheel, the quiet splashes of water as one or the other of them dipped their fingers in.  

It was a lot to take in.  

The sun shifted, illuminating the dust motes floating through the shed. Time had passed by without her noticing.   

“Well, I do think that’s your first masterpiece,” Amilyn declared, looking at the rounded object sitting in front of Rey. “What do you want it to be?”  

“I... what should it be?”  

Amilyn shrugged. “Stick a handle on it and call it a mug. Leave it as is and make it a bowl or a cup or vase, maybe. Up to you to decide how it turns out.”  

Rey looked down at whatever vessel she'd created, stuck on the wheel in front of her.  

She didn’t know. Not yet.  

*  

Ben thought about those little illustrations with the grains of rice to demonstrate the difference between a million and a billion, and he imagined it with stars instead.  

That was what the sky looked like from Aunt Amilyn’s backyard.  

A billion still didn’t feel like enough.  

Rey was sitting in the heated pool with Ben and Poe, wearing Amilyn’s shorts and a sports bra. She didn’t look great. Ben had managed not to stare at the bruises on her collar bone, pressed into her skin by the shoulder straps of her pack. He could barely see the top of the bruises on her hip bones, too, peeking out above the waistband of her shorts. It’s not like any of them had emerged from the last 600 miles of hiking without bruises and scrapes and cuts, but Rey had... a lot. Old ones, too. Some he knew she got in the Whites. One he knew was from the Bigelows. He thought she got that cut on the back of her leg in the Hundred Mile.  

They should have been healed by now.  

They were all stuffed from dinner – creamy white bean soup, salmon risotto, lemon and raspberry sorbet that Ben and Poe had made as an experiment. They’d found an ice cream maker at the thrift store, begging to be tested.  

“Were you two planning on hiking out tomorrow?” Rey asked finally.  

“Were you?” Poe let his legs float up in the water, pushing off from the side of the pool and doggy paddling towards her. “Feels a little soon, personally.”  

“It’s... you must be dying to get back on trail,” Rey stammered.  

Poe snorted. “Rey. Ben and I are staying in a converted horse barn, for free, with a literal library in the big house and 90 acres of farm land. Plus a town to explore. We went apple picking yesterday. In the orchard, just down there. Trust me, I’m good. The trail will still be there next week, if need be. I’m not on any sort of time table.”  

“We’re not going to leave without you,” Ben said, a little quieter. “If you want to hike alone, we’ll just stay a respectful 3 to 5 miles behind you.”  

A quiet laugh escaped Rey. “No, you don’t have to do that. It might be nice hiking with people again.”  

“But us, specifically, right?” Poe teased. “You mean you want to hike with me and Ben, actually.”  

“I didn’t say--” Rey started.  

“You didn’t not say that either,” Poe countered. “I bet you wouldn’t feel the same about hiking with, say... that guy Hot Tub? The one who did the Dirty Thirty?”  

Ben grimaced. They all stank, sure, but deciding to go thirty days without a bath or shower or laundry was exponentially worse.  

“Yes, fine,” Rey huffed. “I want to hike with you two again.”  

“I knew it,” Poe said. “I knew you’d come to accept me one day.”  

“Let’s not get carried away, Poe,” Ben said. “She hasn’t said she likes you. She just said she’d tolerate your presence.”  

“Close enough,” Poe shrugged. “I have low standards.”  

“So we’ll stay tomorrow?” Rey asked.  

Ben nodded. “At least. We’ll see how you feel the next day. And then we’re doing low miles, no arguments. Poe and I have looked ahead to make sure we’ve got resupply timed right.”  

“Damn, you two have been productive. All I've done is sweat and sleep.”  

She really didn’t know the half of it. After they’d shepherded Rey down the mountain to Amilyn’s car – a generally uneventful evacuation, with Rey only stumbling a few times – and gotten her settled in Amilyn’s guest room, Ben and Poe had turned themselves loose on the town of Bennington. They’d gone to the thrift store to pick up some town clothes. Rey was close enough to Amilyn’s size, especially as much weight as she’d lost, that she was covered. But nothing Amilyn had would fit either of the men, so they’d grabbed sweat pants and t-shirts and jeans, even. They found a dehydrator, too, and picked it up, deciding to supplement their ramen and instant mashed potatoes with some freshly dehydrated veggies.  

They’d spent way too much time flipping through recipe books, planning elaborate meals. They’d become friendly with the meat counter guy at the Price Chopper. Poe would tell Ben Air Force stories while Ben prepared lunch and dinner, always a hearty soup or stew for Rey, as well as something they could spread on the dehydrator.  

Ben still had the dehydrated meals he’d prepared before he left, the ones Hux was mailing to him every so often, but this would give him more variety and more inventory.   

They’d done odd jobs for Amilyn around the farm, cleaning up branches in the orchard, clearing out dead leaves from the flower beds, checking the pool chemicals and power washing the patio and flagstone walkway.  

Ben had caught up with his parents and Hux, Poe had spent time chatting with Rose and his own family.  

They’d done just the smallest amount of plotting.  

“Only productive in a very selfish, very satisfying way,” Ben said. “We really only did exactly what we wanted to do.”  

“And what was that?”  

“So much cooking,” Poe said. “And a lot of time sitting in the pool. Amilyn’s got an amazing library.”  

“Anything you want to accomplish tomorrow? Or are you planning on resting up more?” Ben asked her.  

“I need to sort out a resupply, I guess. Otherwise, nothing I need to do.”  

“Good,” Poe said. “This place is perfect for doing nothing.”  

Ben watched her take in a deep breath, only a little shaky.  

“I need to...I need to say thanks, for helping me. When I was sick,” Rey said. “You didn’t have to do that.”  

Poe looked at her, horrified. “Of course we had to do that, Rey. Did you think we’d just leave you there? You looked dead!”  

“I... there's no way it was that bad,” Rey muttered, cheeks flushing a bit.  

“Yeah. Your pack was still closed up and you were just lying there, unmoving on the shelter floor. You looked pretty dead, honestly.” Poe was floating on his back in the middle of the pool, unaffected by the heaviness of the conversation.  

“Maybe not dead, per se. But it didn’t look like a good situation. You were very still. And very pale. You didn’t move, at first, when we tried to wake you up. You had some leaves in your hair and you were bleeding and you weren’t moving. It looked... bad.” Ben had been scared. His instinct had been to leave their packs, toss her over his shoulder, and hightail it to the road. Leaving her behind wasn’t an option, as far as Ben was concerned. But really, he wouldn’t have left anyone in that situation.  

They sat in silence for a few moments, only Poe’s light splashing as he maneuvered himself around the pool echoing off the concrete.   

“I plan on sleeping in tomorrow,” Poe announced to the sky, “and then seeing if Amilyn has more of those cranberry breakfast cookies. And maybe after that I’ll drag myself onto the couch and watch some exploding car movies, if either of you would like to join.”  

“Sounds like a busy day,” Rey said.  

“You’ve no idea how Ben and I have suffered here,” Poe replied sarcastically. “Truly a hardship to stay at this huge farm for free. Earlier today Amilyn had the gall to ask me to taste test her salted caramel dark chocolate brownies. I’ve been suffering like you wouldn't believe, Rey.”  

Rey did giggle at that. Ben felt something loosen in him, relieved to hear her join in on a joke, accept that they really were having fun killing time, letting her get better.  

“I want to try that apple cider sorbet recipe we saw,” Ben said. “And maybe make some more jerky, too.”  

“Oh, excellent idea, Benny boy! Trying the Gochujang jerky recipe?”   

“Poe, we’re not letting that become a thing,” Ben said firmly.  

“What's wrong with gochujang jerky?”  

“No, calling me ‘Benny boy.’ That shit has to stop.”  

Poe groaned dramatically. “No fun, Benji.”  

“Not Benji either,” Ben said.  

“Fine, BB.”  

“What’s--?” Ben started.  

“Benjamin Bail!” Poe said with a cheeky grin.  

“Absolutely not. Get out. You’re done,” Ben said, trying to sound serious.  

“I’m going, but only because I want to watch TikToks in bed,” Poe said, propelling himself over to the ladder with his hands as tiny paddles. “Don’t have too much fun without me, kids.”  

They said goodnight to Poe, then Ben and Rey let the night air settle over them, blanketing them in their own cocoon.  

“I am glad you called Amilyn.” He was. Ben knew Amilyn was glad too – she was an extrovert, loved hosting people, much like his mother. She told him once that she got pathetic and sad, if she spent too much time alone. She always felt like lives were meant to be shared – not just with romantic partners, but with friends and family and acquaintances and even strangers.  

She said it made things more exciting that way. Ben understood her perspective more, now, than he had when he’d been 19 and sick of living in the dorm.  

Rey smiled. “Yeah, good thing I got so hammered in Hanover you gave me emergency contacts. Took me a minute to figure out who she was. I was planning on calling you, if I had your number. I wasn’t sure if I did or not.”  

“You do,” Ben said. “In there with Amilyn, Chewie, and my parents. And Luke. Wasn’t sure if I should include him or not, but... just in case.”  

There was an awkward pause. Not really awkward, but a little heavy, maybe. Rey looked anxious, uncertain. Not at all the fiercely competitive beer pong player he’d seen in Hanover, so self-assured in her truly artless trash-talking.  

“Would you have left Poe? If you found him sick in a shelter like that?” Ben finally asked.   

“Of course not,” Rey said quickly. She frowned, as if she hadn’t quite meant to say that.  

“Then why would we leave you?” Ben watched her for a moment, trying to see if she would give anything away with her expression. She didn’t. Ben leaned back and rested his arms on the side of the pool, let his legs float up into a pike in front of him as he stared up at the sky.  

He wasn’t going to push her. She was better, she was letting Amilyn help her, she was thinking. That was enough for now.  

“Shooting star,” he said quietly.   

“Huh?” Rey asked, peering up at the sky to try to see anything. “Where?”  

Ben pointed at a spot in the sky. “There’s another,” he said, seeing two more shoot across.  

“Where??” Rey asked, still unable to see it. Ben tugged her over closer to him, put his cheek against hers so he could see better what she was looking at. He tilted her head back a little. “Look there.”  

They stayed like that, limbs floaty and light, warm water gently lapping up against the sides of the pool, until Rey finally gasped. “I saw it!”  

“Amilyn said there’s a meteor shower,” Ben said quietly. Their heads pulled apart just a little, being a bit unnaturally close, but Ben’s arm stayed stretched behind her, resting on the concrete. Rey’s shoulder stayed barely brushed up against his chest.  

They stood there, small movements bringing them into brief contact as they watched the sky. The meteors started coming more frequently. Rey let her head drop back onto the concrete.  

“Here,” Ben said, scooting his arm under her neck so her hair didn’t catch on the rough surface.  

“Thanks,” Rey said, accepting his offer. He let his wrist bend a little, curled his arm just the slightest bit more so his fingers could almost brush against her other arm.  

It didn’t mean anything, really, this physical intimacy. Just a convenient way for two people to watch a meteor shower.  

He’d stand like this with... no, he wouldn’t stand like this with Poe. But it wouldn’t be inappropriate if he did. That just wasn’t the sort of friendship he had with Poe.  

"Do you ever..." Rey paused and licked her lips, then started again. "Do you ever feel like you're exactly where you're supposed to be?"  

"Not often," Ben replied truthfully. "But... sometimes. Maybe more, lately."  

She glanced over at him then and gave him a small smile. Friendly, platonic. Probably.  

"I'd planned to quit my job a month earlier."  

Ben turned to look at her, surprised by her sudden confession.  

"I didn't have enough money saved up, though, so I had to put it off. It was almost too late -- I almost had to wait until next year, go NoBo. Early March start."  

"That would've been... an entirely different experience."  

Rey pursed her lips. "I'm not sure I could have stuck it out. All the crowds."  

"Good thing it worked out, then." He didn't think he was implying anything else with that statement. But... did it maybe sound like he was?  

"Yeah. Good thing."  

They watched another few stars fall through the sky, one with a tail bright enough to see streaking behind it.  

"I was going to wait a day, for the weather to clear up. Before I went up Katahdin," Ben said.  

"Why didn't you?"  

"Decided I didn't actually care about the view," Ben admitted. "Just wanted to get started."  

Rey laughed softly. "Needed to accomplish something?"  

"I know it's not something you can relate to..." Ben teased.  

"Oh, not at all," Rey replied, her throat catching and sending her into a coughing fit. Not as bad as it had been - it sounded better, didn't last as long. But it did make him feel guilty for keeping her up. She groaned and braced her arms around her ribs.  

“Still sore?”  

“It doesn’t feel great.”  

It was good that they were taking another day. He could spend more time with Amilyn, Rey could rest up a little more, Poe could keep on doing whatever it was he did. He was having fun, Ben could tell; Poe didn’t resent the short vacation from the trail.  

He didn’t know how long they had stood there, but it was long enough for both their hands and feet to turn pruny, wrinkled with the water.   

They'd been sleeping and waking with the sun for a month. Their bodies weren't used to staying up this late.    

“I think it’s time for me to turn in. Got a busy day of doing nothing tomorrow,” Ben said finally.   

“Me too,” Rey said as she yawned. “This was nice, though.”   

“Yeah, it really was.”   

They hesitated a moment, neither moving towards the stairs.  

He twisted to his back, facing Rey, then shoved off from the wall and let himself glide to the stairs. "Amilyn said there were still brownies."  

He saw - could actually watch - her face light up. She stretched her arms out in the water and pushed off with her feet, her chin just dipping below the surface. "That may be the best thing I've heard all day."  

"Really?"  

She reached the stairs and stood up, water displacing around her. "No," she admitted, a flush of color spreading across her chest. "That was when I found out there was enough for seconds at dinner. But the brownie was one of the best things."  

Ben nodded as he climbed the stairs, his thighs, for once, not burning. "It's always nice, when there's multiple best things."  

This felt like the stupidest conversation he could possibly be having right now, but also, somehow, it felt very important.  

"It really is. It's been a while, I think. Since I've had... best things."  

"We need to work on that, then. I'll have Poe develop a strategy, make sure we target three to five best things each day for you. Reasonable goal."  

"Three to five?"  

"It's a starting point, at least."  

She gave him an inscrutable look, then picked up the towel folded neatly in a chair and wrapped it around her body. She watched him as he roughly dried his hair with the towel, her body disappearing from his sight, save her toes. When he emerged from under the towel she was still watching him.   

As friends.  

Chapter Text

Day 45 

VT/MA border 

Mile 593.7  

Three states down. Three states down. Rey kept repeating it like a mantra as she pressed on. She was, perhaps, a little more exhausted than she thought she should be. She’d had plenty of recovery time at Amilyn’s house. She’d felt pretty good when they’d left – Amilyn had dropped her, Poe, and Ben off at the trail head yesterday. They’d only done about 9 miles, taking lots of breaks. Rey had managed a pretty good resupply, but then Ben and Poe had pulled out little baggies of dehydrated veggies to add into her ramen. One of their ‘vacation projects,’ as they referred to all the little tasks they got up to while Rey recovered.  

She’d accepted a sprinkle of veggies with a thanks (and, most notably, without an argument. Rey thought that showed real personal growth).  

In the end, it hadn’t hurt at all to ask Amilyn for help. The time she’d been awake at the farmhouse had been like a dream. On their last full day, she’d laughed more than she had in months. Amilyn and Ben had tag teamed telling embarrassing Baby Benji stories, as Poe called them. Rey had tried her hand at the loom (disaster) and the bread dough (passable), then accepted the position of taste tester. She’d sat on the flagstone patio with Amilyn that evening, hugging a mug of tea heavy with honey to her chest, basking in the warmth of the heater glowing above them and Amilyn's undivided attention. Amilyn didn’t press for any information. She offered more than she asked for. Rey found herself opening up just the same, trusting Amilyn with some of the things that sit heavy on her sternum, threatening to press her body into compressive failure.  

It was hard to feel guilty about asking for help from someone who was so happy to give it.  

And Amilyn was just so... nice.   

Rey started to think that maybe Maz had a point, maybe Amilyn’s story about calling Leia had meant something. Maybe it lengthened a moment arm inside of her, gave her more torque. Maybe it was a little easier now to open herself up. To be a little vulnerable.  

It felt like something melted away, with the heat of her fever. She felt lighter. Happier. More at ease with herself.  

So she was trying something new. If someone offered something that would be helpful or she really did just want, then she was trying to just say yes.  

The dehydrated veggies had been her third attempt at it.  

The first was when Amilyn brought her into the garage and showed her a storage tub with several inflatable sleeping pads.  

“It’s not too cold now, but when it is – you call me. Look at this box. All of these sleeping pads, all of them warmer than your foam pad. Tell me when you’re ready and give me a town and I’ll mail you one, ok? I’m not hiking this winter; I’ve been meaning to give away some of my extras. Sleeping bags, too.”  

Rey had taken a deep breath and tamped down the rising panic. “Thank you, Amilyn. I really appreciate that. I’ll let you know.”  

“In the meantime, you keep in touch, you hear? Let me know you’re alive from time to time. Ben calls to chat but you should too, ok? I don’t want to be sitting here, all alone, worrying about you.” Amilyn had pulled her into a tight hug, her slender fingers cradling Rey’s head against her shoulder. Rey had fallen into it, giving in to how much she wanted this hug. She breathed in deep, taking in the scent of vanilla and warm bread and clay and green and warmth. “I’ll miss you, brave girl. Have fun – let yourself have fun, ok?”  

Rey desperately wanted to make Amilyn proud of her. 

Letting Ben and Amilyn wrap up sandwiches for them to pack out the day they left? Easy. Accepting a thick, new-with-tags pair of wool socks Poe had found at the thrift store? Not...difficult (they were too small for him anyway). Letting Ben and Poe be the ones to pack out a tub of soup, crusty bread, and the ingredients for an impressive charcuterie board? Well, that had been a little more difficult, but her mouth had watered at the idea of eating town food for dinner that first night back on trail, so she’d managed to agree. She didn’t want to slow them down, carrying extra weight that they wouldn’t even feel but Rey and her bruised ribs and inflamed lungs definitely would feel. That was just... smart resource allocation.  

The food had been worth choking down that discomfort.  

“Happy State 4!” Poe called from behind her. Rey turned, still drinking water as she stood next to the Vermont/Massachusetts border sign. He held up his arm as he got closer. Rey gave him a high five. “Hell yeah. How ya feeling, Rey? Holding up ok?”  

“Yeah, good, doing well.” She was breathing heavily and could feel her heart racing.  

Poe gave her a skeptical look. “Really?”  

Rey felt a wave of embarrassment and frustration. She could be honest with Poe. He knew she’d been sick. He’d been there. “A little rough,” she said with a sigh. “Definitely not up for a 20 today.”  

Poe laughed. “Yeah, I bet not. Take a break with me. Ben stopped at the top of the ridge to call his buddy Hux so he’s a little behind us.”  

Rey followed Poe over to an unofficial tent site, sitting down on the ground and leaning up against a fallen log someone had dragged in front of a fire ring. It was a beautiful day – right around 55F mid-morning, the sun filtering softly through the trees. She pulled her fleece and puffy out of her pack and put them both on, knowing she’d cool down quickly now that she’d stopped moving. Rey dug through her food bag for a snack.  

“Well, Rey, tell me how Vermont compares to Arizona for you,” Poe said, perched on top of the log.  

“An immense improvement,” Rey replied. “There’s water and green and no sand.”  

“Can’t ask for more than that,” Poe agreed. “Think you’ll go back? After, I mean?”  

Rey paused her chewing. She hadn’t ever considered that she could just... not go back to Arizona. She had a tiny little storage unit with the few belongings she wanted to keep – some textbooks and clothes, mostly. But that had all fit in the trunk of her hatchback -- now sold to some guy on Craigslist.  

“I really don’t know. I’ve never... thought about it,” Rey finally said. “What about you? You going back to... I don’t actually know where you lived last.” Rey laughed a little awkwardly. Had she ever tried to get to know Poe better?  

“Texas, most recently. God no. I’m from Chicago originally. Probably head back there for a little while, maybe hang out with Rose in Philly. Might go back to North Carolina.” Poe shrugged, a little tension hanging in his shoulders. “I honestly don’t know. Hoping I’ll figure it out before Georgia.”  

“When did you live in North Carolina?”  

“College. Duke. Rose and I worked for North Carolina Outward Bound during the summers.”  

“Is that how you met?”  

“Nah,” Poe chuckled. “Freshman Seminar. It was on like... ethics and morals. She yelled at me... a lot.”  

“And her yelling made you friends?”  

“Absolutely. Love a woman who’s a little mean to me,” Poe said with a wink. Rey found herself laughing.   

“Oh is that all it takes?”   

“Yes. Honestly, probably true for most men. In case you ever wondered how to get a man.”  

“I haven’t, but... I’ll keep that in mind,” Rey replied.   

“Really? Never crossed your mind? Not even for some, I don’t know... tall, snobby thru hiker?”  

Rey stilled, her brain shuffling through a card deck of faces, like a thru-hiker Guess Who? game. “Who would that be?”  

Poe threw his head back and laughed. “Ben, you porcupine! You two are like cosmically linked. If I knew more about astrology I’d tell you your signs were like super compatible.”  

Rey stared at him, brows knitted together, mouth a little agape. “...what?”  

“Not you, too. At this rate, you guys will kiss on Springer.”  

“Who said we’re going to kiss?”  

“The sexual tension is like... physically present. You both follow each other with your eyes constantly. There’s like some gravitational pull between you two.” Poe looked at her a little more closely. “Ok, I pushed too hard, I can tell. This is gonna be a slow burn, apparently. I can adjust. Just, you know... keep in mind.”  

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”  

“Let’s check back in on this conversation in like a month,” Poe said. “I’m gonna put a reminder in my phone.”   

Rey sat silently, a little dumbfounded, while Poe typed it into his phone.   

“Ok, saved. Just gonna put a pin in this conversation. Oh!” Poe said, looking up, “speak of the devil.”  

“Am I the devil now?” Ben asked, coming over to the tentsite and dropping his pack on the ground. “I feel like that’s a downgrade.”  

“Depends on what your life goals are, I think,” Poe said. “Welcome to your home state, Masshole.”  

“Thanks,” Ben said dryly. He sat down on the ground next to Rey, leaning against the log like she did. “Feels good to be back among my people. Rey, feeling ok?”  

He gave her a pat on the thigh, his hand resting there a little longer than she assumed it would. Or... maybe this was confirmation bias. Just looking for things that weren’t there, just because Poe made some throwaway comment.  

“Ok,” she shrugged. “Kind of wish I could take a nap.”  

“Why can’t you?” Poe asked.  

“Because... we’re in the middle of the woods?”  

Ben and Poe stared at her.   

“Rey,” Poe finally said, gently, “you live in the forest now. We’re not getting any less in the middle of the woods when you actually go to sleep tonight.”  

“You know what I mean. We still have to finish hiking. You can’t just take naps in the middle of the day.”  

“Says who?” Poe demands, offended. “We don’t have to do anything we don’t want to! We’re all consenting adults! We can nap whenever we want.”  

Ben snorted. “We’ve got another 7.1 miles to go, and it’s not even lunch. That’s like 3.5 hours of hiking. And that’s assuming you’re going slow with plenty of breaks. You’ve got time. No one ever said you have to finish your homework before you can play out here.”  

Rey looked at Ben and Poe, but they both seemed utterly content to sit at this tent site, resting on the line between Vermont and Massachusetts.   

“K, well, no one ever told me I had to finish my homework in the first place, so,” Rey grumbled to herself. She tugged her foam pad free from the straps that attached it to her pack and spread it out on the ground, turning it at an angle to avoid a large root running just under the surface. It put her head closer to Ben, but it’s not like she was going to move much while she slept. She dragged her pack over, intending to use it as a pillow.  

“That cannot be comfortable,” Poe said, watching her curl her body into itself, neck at an angle that made his spine tingle just to look at. “You’re gonna fuck up your back.”  

“It’s not bad,” Rey said, eyes already closed.   

“Use my puffy or something,” Poe said, reaching to pull his jacket out of his pack.  

“You’re going to get cold sitting here,” Rey warned him. “Honestly, I’ve slept on way worse.”  

Ben was getting situated next to her. From what she could hear, he was pulling on his fleece – he had a deliciously cozy looking Melanzana microgrid; she’d been itching to trace out a sewing pattern from the funnel neck – and putting his mostly-empty pack between his back and the log, his long legs stretched out in front of him, crossed casually at the ankles.  

Unfortunately, Poe was a little right. The angle was not great. She was getting old, now, she couldn’t sleep the same way she did in high school. She huffed in frustration and pushed her pack away from her.  

“Here,” Ben said, crooking his fingers at her to scoot closer to him. He wasn’t far. Just a few inches, really. He patted his leg closest to her once.  

Putting her head in his lap wouldn’t be that weird, not really. They were definitely friends now. After that night watching the meteor shower, they’d stood a little closer. He’d ruffled her hair some, when they were joking. She’d tugged on his arm, or clutched at his bicep when she really needed his attention – usually to complain about Poe, in front of Poe. He always gave her a hand up, when it was time to stand. She always took it.  

There just wasn’t that invisible barrier of ‘friends, but not friends who touch each other’ between them anymore.   

Like she’d been with Finn. Basically siblings.  

Deciding to categorize this as somewhere between friends and siblings, she accepted the offer. Curled up on her side, she gingerly put her head in his lap. His arm came to rest on top of her, holding his phone up for him to read, a heavy weight grounding her. He finished his protein bar and his other hand rested on her head, fingers barely combing through her hair.  

*  

She fell asleep just as quickly as she had when they’d shared that bed at Libby House Barn.  

“That is some serious skill,” Poe says quietly, nodding to Rey’s unmoving form. “Think we’re pushing too far today?”  

“Hmm. Maybe. I think she’ll be ok, after her nap. I don’t think she’s stopped at all since we started this morning.”  

“We can plan for naptime. I kind of like the idea, myself.” Poe scrolled through his phone, then looked up again. “We’re going to be in New York before we know it.”  

“Delis,” Ben said with a smile.  

“So basically we don’t have to carry food for like... 5 days?”  

“Pretty much. Depending on how our mileage works out. I think when I looked at it the other day we most likely would have two meals a day at delis for 5 or 6 days.”  

Delis made Ben think about sandwiches. And breakfast. And breakfast sandwiches.  

Goddamn breakfast sandwiches.  

“Have you heard from Finn?” Ben asked, following that train of thought to the next conversational station.  

“I saw on his instagram that he should be in Bennington tomorrow. Since we’re doing lower miles I’m guessing they’ll catch up in a few days.” Cocking his head, Poe asked, “Why?”  

Ben rolled his jaw a little, unsure how much to say or how. He didn’t want to get into the whole breakfast sandwich saga. “Just curious. Are you ok hiking with them? Or would you rather we try and adjust our pace.”  

“We can hike with them. It’s not bad when I’m not the only old guy.” Poe shrugged. “What did Hux say?”  

“He’s meeting Rose for drinks tonight but they’re planning to drive out here Friday as soon as she gets done with the conference.”  

“Fantastic. I’m going to be on edge until I hear how drinks go tonight. They’re bringing food, right?”  

“Yeah, I tried to make some suggestions, but Hux told me to shut up and let the adults handle it.”  

“Any idea how that’ll go?”  

“It’ll be overly complicated, expensive, and probably really fucking good.”  

“Amazing.”  

The ambient forest noise settled around them like a blanket as they fell into silence. Ben let his mind wander, flipping through options of what he thought Hux might bring. He’d only just left Amilyn’s -- he really shouldn’t be thinking about town food this much already – but he was getting to that point where he was always hungry.   

New York would be good for him, to load up on calories for a few days. Hopefully it would be good for Rey, too, if she let herself buy food.  

He looked down at the woman resting against his leg. She wasn’t as pale as she’d been a few days ago, but she still didn’t look as healthy as she had when they’d met on Katahdin. She was still recovering, sleeping in a little later than she usually did, so she’d been hiking out of camp with Ben and Poe each day, all three staying within a few tenths of a mile of each other as they walked.  

But she’d generally been more relaxed with him and Poe both, since Amilyn’s. That made him feel better. Poe hadn’t said anything about food to her. Whether that was coincidence, or he’d finally picked up on something, Ben wasn’t sure, but he hoped it stayed that way.  

Day 48 

The Cookie Lady’s House 

Mile 630.7 

Ben was surprised to see Rey, up and packed, stretched out on her foam pad and staring at the sky. He stumbled over to a wooded area, still trying to shake off his sleep.  

When he came back, she sat up.  

“Good morning,” she said.  

“You look better,” Ben replied by way of greeting.  

“I do feel better. I think those cookies helped yesterday,” she said with a grin.  

They’d camped in the grass at the Cookie Lady’s house. She’d come out just as they finished their dinner and greeted them with plate full of warm cookies. They’d talked with her for a while. Rey had stayed, instead of disappearing under her tarp while he and Poe stayed up.

“Well hopefully whatever Rose and Hux are bringing will get you back to normal.”  

Rey hummed. She picked at a rip in the foam of her pad. “I’m not sure I’ll… I don’t want to intrude.”  

“Intrude on what?” Ben asked, genuinely confused.  

“Well it’s your friend and Poe’s friend. I figure you’ll want to catch up and hang out with him. I don’t want you to feel obliged, if you’d rather spend time with Hux…”  

Ben couldn’t help the snort that escaped him. “Believe me, ten minutes is plenty of alone time with Hux. After that he needs a group setting, so he can be humbled and put in his place by more than just me.”  

“You’re sure?”  

“Absolutely sure.”  

Rey searched his face. He wasn’t kidding – Ben liked Hux, but they both did better with other people as a sort of buffer between them. Maybe they were too similar – Ben hoped to god that wasn’t the case, but he would concede that they did share some personality quirks. They had a shared history and they could do things together but they certainly didn’t need that much time alone to just... talk.  

Rey nodded once then said, “well go! Get your shit together, I’m ready to get to the cabin.”  

Grinning — either at her eagerness or her decision to wait for him — Ben set about making coffee and packing up.  

*  

It was a shiny Range Rover parked at the trail head. Of course it was, Rey thought. Hux certainly looked like someone who would be called Hux. A few inches shorter than Ben, he looked as though he had a permanent sneer on his face.  

Rose, however, Rey liked on sight.  

“Solo,” Hux said with a nod.   

“Hux,” Ben replied.   

Apparently that was the total of their greeting. It became blindingly obvious that Hux and Ben wouldn’t need that much time to catch up. She’d be surprised if they talked about anything at all.  

“You must be Rose,” Ben said, extending a hand to the small, energetic woman fussing with the straps of a backpack. “Ben, nice to meet you.”  

“Ben and Rey, right?” Rose asked, grinning over at Rey. “Poe prepared me. And then I heard plenty about you, Mr. Solo, on the way here.”  

“Hux is a known liar,” Ben said smoothly. “Poe should be right behind us.”  

“Hi,” Rose said, coming over to Rey with a smile. “This is horrible, but I’m so glad you got sick. The timing wouldn’t have worked out otherwise! You’re feeling better now?”  

“Much,” Rey replied. “Still tired and a little winded, but I don’t have to stop for naps anymore.”  

“Good. How miserable, to have the flu in the woods!”  

“It was not the highlight of my trip,” Rey agreed. “Although staying at the house we went to was honestly incredible.”  

“It sounded like it! Poe went on and on about everything he got to do there. It might be the highlight of his trip so far,” Rose said with a laugh. “Speaking of — Hey! Fly Boy! Get a move on, slow poke!”  

Rey turned to see Poe just crossing the road, a smile breaking out on his face. “Rosie, Rosie, Rosie, are you a sight for sore eyes!”  

He gave her a fierce hug, though she immediately squealed and yelled about his stench.   

“Seriously, come over here, though,” Rose said, dragging Poe towards Hux’s car. “We’ve got some food we need you and Ben to carry.”  

“I can take some too,” Rey offered, not wanting to be the only one not sharing the weight.  

“IF it won’t fit in Ben and Poe’s packs, you can carry the chips and marshmallows,” Rose said. “Only bulky stuff, nothing heavy.”  

Rey nodded, willing to accept the limitations. She was tired. It was only a mile and a half to the cabin, but it had been a long day. They’d pushed a little harder to get to the trail head sooner.   

“Who wants to carry the steaks?” Hux asked, looking at Poe and Ben. Rey’s mouth watered. “I emailed the caretaker the other day,” Hux continued. “No one on site, but the cabin is unlocked and we can sleep inside and use the kitchen. They haven’t winterized yet.”  

“Slumber party!” Poe declared, high fiving Rose.  

“This is actually… a ton of food,” Ben said, surveying what Hux and Rose had brought.  

“We wanted to have extras, in case someone else was there. And we brought some resupply stuff for y’all,” Rose explained. She hefted up the large backpack. Rey eyed it, estimating it was at least a 60 liter pack.  

“I think that thing’s bigger than you,” Rey said.  

“I used to carry 80 liter packs all the time with outward bound,” Rose said with a grin. “This is nothing, trust me. Every piece of gear we had there was the heaviest possible version.”  

With all the packs loaded — tomorrow’s lunch and dinner staying in the cooler in the car, with Hux, Poe, and Ben planning to come back out with empty packs to bring it in that morning — they set off down the trial.   

“Wait, Rey, come hike behind me,” Rose said, standing to the side for Poe to pass her. “I’m dying to bond with another female engineer!”  

A smile crept across Rey’s face. “I have questions for you about your grad school stuff,” Rey confessed with a shy smile. “I was hoping we’d get a chance to talk.”  

Chapter Text

Day 48 

Oct 13 

Mile 641.7 

Upper Goose Pond Cabin 

 The mile and a half went quickly, even with the extra weight of a ton of fresh food on his back. Ben had stayed just behind Rey and Rose, catching snippets of their conversation. They’d hit it off almost immediately, speaking the same language as engineers. He’d been relieved. After the awkward interactions between Kaydel and Rey, Ben was nervous that this would be another situation of two people just…not connecting.   

 He didn’t fully understand everything they’d talked about. He knew Rose was working on a PhD in something to do with concrete. He knew Rey had been doing some general fast response team thing, something with construction – Ben had no idea what any of that had to do with her Mechanical Engineering degree, but he chalked it up to one of the great mysteries of the earth.  

They’d eventually moved past work and engineering things to talk about their hobbies and where they’d hiked. It was pleasant, just hearing their voices, not even paying attention to what they actually said. He could really only hear if they turned their heads enough for the sound to carry back to him. He didn’t mind.   

 They’d arrived at the cabin with a few tents set up at a tentsite, but no one in the cabin itself. It was large – two stories, with stairs jutting out from the upper story, towering over the smaller set of stairs into the lower level. He’d been here before, with Hux, when they were in college. Their lives had been both easier and so much harder.  

They’d been at Upper Goose Pond Cabin when they decided to go to law school. Ben felt that same shadow of Life Altering Decisions weighing down on him again. He didn't know what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. He pushed that worry away, locking it deep in his brain to think about Later. Whenever that was.  

“When you said it was a cabin, I really expected something much smaller,” Rey said, leaning on her one trekking pole. Her hand was still too bruised from her fall to use both, and luckily the trail was forgiving enough now that it wasn’t an issue.  

“Cabin only in the sense that there’s a lot of exposed wood and no insulation,” Ben explained. They stood there together for another beat, then followed Hux, Rose, and Poe inside.  

Once their camp chores were taken care of, Ben grabbed a small bottle of Dr. Bronner’s soap someone had left and went to the outdoor sink, intending to give his hair a quick wash. He found Rey with her head flipped over, trying to scrub her hair and pour water from her bottle to rinse it.  

 “Want some help?”  

“Ben?” Her voice was muffled, coming from under her hair like that. “You don’t happen to have any soap do you?”  

“In fact I do. Hang on, let’s get you sorted.” Ben took the bottle from her hands and set it down, then, hands on her hips, steered her over to the utility sink with the peeling mirror, her hair still flipped over. There was still running water inside; Ben guessed there would be outside, as well.  

He was right. Once her hair was thoroughly wet, he squeezed a few drops of the soap into his hands, working it through her hair and massaging it into her scalp.  

“Oh, God, Ben,” she moaned, “I really didn’t intend for you to actually wash my hair for me, but at this point I don’t think I can ask you to stop.”  

He chuckled. “Easier this way.”  

“I’ll wash your hair for you, though I’m not sure I can be as thorough. Have you trained in scalp massages or something?”  

Ben snorted but didn’t reply otherwise. He worked the soap through her hair, letting the birds and distant voices of other hikers fill the silence.  

 When he was satisfied that her hair was clean, he turned on the water again, making sure her head was below the faucet and using his fingers to help rinse the soap out.  

“Alright, flip your hair back and let me make sure the front is rinsed.” Obediently, Rey threw her head back and she straightened up, her mid-length hair spraying water in the process. “Lean back,” he said, putting one arm across her shoulders. She did, following his arm as he dipped her back into an awkward backbend. She squealed as he dipped her lower than her center of gravity.  

Her hazel eyes looked up into his as he held her up, guiding her head underneath the stream of water. He couldn’t help the smile that crinkled his eyes, just a little. She looked so concerned.  

“Don’t laugh at me while you’re the only thing keeping me from falling flat on my ass, Ben Solo,” she said with mock-seriousness. “So rude.”  

“I promise to do my very best,” he replied, not trusting himself to make eye contact with her anymore. With one arm still supporting her, head still hanging over the sink, he grabbed the small microfiber towel Hux had brought and squeezed some of the water out of her hair. “All done.”  

 He pulled her back upright, and maybe the angle of his arm meant she came to stand a little closer than she’d started, facing him, maybe even right up against his chest.   

“Thanks,” she said, a little breathlessly. “Return the favor?”  

Giving her now very wet shirt a glance, Ben pulled his own shirt off before leaning forward over the sink for her to wash his hair. “God you’re tall,” she grumbled. “I bet everyone expected you to be a basketball player.”  

“Not once they saw me try to play,” Ben said, glad she couldn’t see his face as he closed his eyes. Her hands, running through his hair… he stuck his hands in his pockets, hoping he wouldn’t have to try and awkwardly rearrange things.  

It could have been anyone’s fingers, really. It just felt good.  

She didn’t reply, just focused on her task. It maybe took a little longer than it needed to, given how short his hair was compared to hers, but he wasn’t going to point that out.   

 Once she told him to stand back up, he quickly rubbed his hair with the towel, getting out as much water as he could. He looked at her still-wet hair. “Got a comb?” he asked. She nodded, pulling one out of her pocket. “Let’s go down to the dock.”  

 They walked together to the wooden dock jutting out into Upper Goose Pond. He motioned for her to sit. Positioning himself behind her, he took her comb and started gently brushing out her hair, being careful to work out the tangles slowly. The soap had gotten their hair clean but had done nothing to detangle it. He didn’t care if it took all night to get it done, really.  

The pond was still, a canoe softly rubbing up against the dock. Across the water, birds settled into their nests at the very tops of the trees. It was peaceful.  

 “This is nice,” she said finally, as he was almost done combing her hair. “I didn’t expect full service hair washing like this.”  

“I’m not done yet, Johnson. Still have your hair band?”  

“Two,” she replied, holding up her wrist to show him. He plucked them off her arm, sliding them onto his as he parted her hair down the middle.  

“Turn like this,” he said as he carefully turned her chin to the side. “And let me know if I pull too hard.” Ben was a little surprised how quickly it all came back to him, the pattern, the tension in his fingers as he quickly braided her hair.   

“Why do you know how to braid?” she asked quietly.  

“My mom,” Ben said. “She has super long hair, always does these complicated braids. She taught me when I was young — she pulled her shoulder or something, couldn’t lift her arm up to braid it.”  

“That’s sweet,” Rey said, a small smile on her face.   

“We haven’t…always been close, but I’m glad I have those memories. Even when things were more complicated between us, it was… nice.” He paused momentarily, wondering if she’d ever said anything about her family to him. “My dad, on the other hand, taught me how to pick a lock when I was a kid, so… very different priorities.”  

Rey snorted. “Both useful skills though.”  

“Truthfully I never expected braiding to be useful, but yeah, I guess you’re right.” He wrapped the ponytail holder around the end of the first braid, fluffing out the sections to loosen it up a little. Satisfied, he turned her face the other direction.   

“I never learned how to braid,” Rey said, maybe a little wistfully.  

“But can you pick a lock?”  

“Yes,” she said. “That I can do. Self-taught, though, so you can judge my amateur approach sometime.”  

“There you two are,” Hux called out, striding down the dock. “Dinner will be ready in about 10 minutes.”  

“Oh!” Rey said, tensing up a little. “I told Rose I’d help and I forgot all about it!”  

“Ah…no worries there,” Hux said with some embarrassment, “kitchen was small anyways. Barely fits two people.” Ben would follow up with Hux on whatever that was later.  

“We’ll be there in a second,” Ben said, almost done with the second braid. Hux nodded and went back to the cabin.  

It wasn’t that he was dawdling, really. Ben just wasn’t going to be rushed. They had plenty of time for him to make sure the second braid matched the first. And Rey didn’t seem to mind. Her eyes kept drifting closed, the corners of her mouth upturned.  

But eventually it was done. He wrapped the second hair band around the bottom of the braid and fluffed it out again. “Ready to eat?”  

Rey gently patted her hair, feeling the woven strands. “Ben this is amazing!”  

Ben shrugged, standing up and offering a hand to pull her up too. “Glad you like it, Pippi Longstocking. Let’s grab dinner before Hux overcooks the steaks.”  

“Is that something we need to worry about?”  

Ben sighed. “No. Hux is actually a great cook. He tried to impress his ex-fiancée with a whole year’s worth of cooking classes, but she dumped him, so he did it alone. It paid off.”  

“You don’t sound happy about your friend, who is cooking you dinner, being a great cook.”  

Ben dragged his feet through the dirt, a little petulantly, like a six year old throwing a fit. A very quiet, mature fit. “He’s just so smug about it.”  

“Ah,” Rey said with a smile. “I get it. It’s like cocks.”  

Ben choked on his own spit. “What??”  

“Like a cock fighting thing.”  

“You meant... roosters?” Ben thought this was bullshit.  

“Obviously,” Rey replied. He narrowed his eyes at her. She winked. “Or like a dick measuring thing. Either way.”  

*  

Hux was, as Ben had said, a really great cook. Rey wasn’t sure if he measured up to Ben as a chef, but perhaps she was biased. Dinner had been delicious. No other hikers had shown up, so the five of them had eaten inside the cabin, laughing as they shared hiking stories. Breakfast was much more subdued – everyone was still waking up. She snagged another pancake from the platter that sat in the middle of the table. The few tents that had been set up further away were all gone now, too.  

She’d never planned on taking this many zeroes during her thru-hike. Then again, she hadn’t paid for most of them, so really her budget hadn’t taken a hit at all. She might even be better off, since food had been covered at Amilyn’s and here at Upper Goose Pond Cabin. She’d have to give her spreadsheet a good scrub, though, and reconcile her bank account differences. Just to double check.  

But for now, she was appreciating every minute of her time at Upper Goose Pond.  

“Honestly, Rey, the GRE isn’t hard at all. And I’m happy to help with your application. I think you should do it.”  

Rey chewed on her bottom lip and squinted at the island across the pond. Rose had asked her to go canoeing and Rey had quickly agreed. She liked Rose. She was easy to talk to and... nice. She was just nice.  

“I don’t feel like I really have a good enough idea of what I want to do, once I have the degree, though,” Rey said. She’d been considering the idea of going for a graduate degree. She missed the challenge of school.  

“Well, why’d you choose Mechanical Engineering in the first place?” Rose asked from her seat behind Rey. They were mostly drifting in the canoe now, no longer actively trying to go anywhere.  

“I spent a lot of time fixing cars. Automotive is mechanical.”  

“But that’s not what you’re doing now?”  

“No. It wasn’t... I didn’t enjoy the interactions I had during my internship at Hoersch-Kessel.”  

“Ah. Too much testosterone?”  

“Too many assholes,” Rey deadpanned. “But I was already in my junior year. It didn’t make sense to change concentrations at that point.”  

“But you liked the research stuff you did in college?”  

“I did. I liked... I always slept well, after I’d spent time trying to answer big questions, you know?”  

“Calcs aren’t enough of a puzzle for you?”  

Rey grimaced. “My company contracts out most of our calc work to engineering firms. I could just go work for one of them... but it’s not always stable. They hire and fire based off workload. I need... I like to have something I can depend on.”  

Rose hummed behind her. “I completely understand that. Well, I won’t lie and say that grad school is all easy sailing, but... I’ll do some research and grab brochures and stuff. When I meet up with yall again in Pennsylvania I can bring it with me. We can talk more then.”  

“Thanks, Rose,” Rey found herself saying before she could talk herself out of accepting Rose’s help. “I’d really appreciate that.”  

“Well, don’t thank me yet, because it means you’ll have to keep hiking with Poe. Unless you take my number and text me when you get to Duncannon, maybe? Only if you’re split up. But take my number anyways,” Rose laughed. “Ugh, you know what I mean.”  

“I’d like that,” Rey said easily. Maybe this friends thing wasn’t as hard as she’d thought?  

Maybe she was just finally making the right friends.  

“We’ll get it sorted. If you still can’t decide after you finish the trail, come up to Philly and stay with me and I’ll connect you with some professors and students. Actually come up anyway, we’d have fun.”  

Rey laughed. “Ok, I’ll write it in AWOL’s, right after Springer.”  

“Oooh, I’ll be like an official entry in the guidebook, so fancy! Rose Tico, near mile... I have no idea what mile I’d be near, I’ll have to--- uh, what’s going on over there?”  

Rey turned around and saw two figures yelling her name and waving their arms above their heads.  

“That’s Finn and Kaydel!” Rey said, surprised.  

“Glad it’s someone you know and not a rando,” Rose said. “Friends of yours?”  

Rey paused a moment. “We’ve hiked together, some. Not for long. Finn was the first person I hiked more than... more than just a few hours with.”  

“Want to go say hi?” Rose picked up her paddle, ready to start making their way back if Rey asked her to.  

Rey took in a deep breath. “I guess I should probably go be friendly,” she said finally.  

“Well, we can always flee to the canoe again if we need to.” Rose said it as if it were a joke, but there was a firmness under her words. She meant it. “It won’t be a very fast escape, but it’s an option.”  

Rey smiled and picked up her paddle. A getaway canoe.  

“Oh my god, Rey! I can’t believe I finally caught up to you!” Finn gushed as Rey and Rose beached the canoe. He extended a hand to Rey to steady her as she got out of the small boat. “It’s been ages!”  

Finn pulled her in for a hug. Rey thought about resisting – a hug would not be her instinctual move in this sort of situation – but gave in. A hug was harmless.  

“It has been.” Over Finn’s shoulder, Rey saw Kaydel standing a little awkwardly. “Hey, Kaydel.”  

“Hi Rey! We got lucky running into y'all here! Who would have thought, huh? I figured you were already through New York by now.”  

Rey grimaced. “I got sick. Slowed me down a while.” She paused, feeling the heaviness and fatigue in her body. “Is probably still slowing me down some. Kaydel, Finn, this is Rose, Poe’s friend. Rose, Kaydel and Finn.”  

They exchanged polite greetings, deciding to walk back towards the cabin as a foursome.  

“Ben and Poe and that other guy are fixing lunch,” Finn said as they crossed the short distance from the shore to the cabin.  

“Well, good. I’m hungry.” Rey was hungry.  

They entered the cabin to find sandwich ingredients lined up on the counter in the small galley kitchen.  

“Tight in here,” Finn muttered.  

“Probably have to go one at a time,” Hux said, “but it’s fine.”  

They crafted their sandwiches and sat at the table, settling in to another meal – this time with Finn and Kaydel, too.  

“So,” Finn started, once they’d all had a chance to eat a few bites, “tell me how it is we managed to catch up to you guys?”  

“Rey got sick,” Poe said. “Ben and I were headed into town anyways, so we brought her with us and took a few zeroes to let her recover.”  

“So you literally had to not hike for multiple days in order for us to catch up with you?” Kaydel asked, a little frustration tinging the edge of her voice.  

“Apparently,” Ben replied.  

“Finn. We gotta pick it up, buddy,” Kaydel said. “At this rate the NoBos will lap us!”  

Finn grimaced. “Yeah. We did take a lot of zeroes the past few weeks.”  

“And neroes.”  

“That too.”  

“Ok,” Kaydel said finally, hitting the table with her hand like a gavel. “Be it hereby resolved: no more lazy hiking.”  

“Agreed,” Finn said, sticking out a hand to Kaydel. Rey watched as they shook hands. She prodded at her feelings, like poking an old bruise, to see how she felt about Finn now. It didn’t hurt or even feel tender, really. Just a little wistful, maybe. They could have been close friends.  

Well. They still could. Probably.  

“Ok but what did you do the whole time Rey was sick?” Kaydel was asking.  

“What didn’t we do!” Poe exclaimed. “We were at Ben’s aunt’s house in Bennington. It’s an old farmhouse with an orchard and a pool and a converted horse barn/guest house. It felt like I was on vacation, honestly. Apple picking, swimming, reading, movies... we ate so much food. Amilyn bakes fresh bread every day. We even attended one of her classes at the College.”  

“How long were you there again?” Finn asked, glancing quickly at Kaydel.  

“We got Rey that morning and then took three zeroes,” Ben replied coolly.  

“You must have been pretty sick!” Kaydel said, turning to look at Rey with wide eyes.  

“Just a bad cold.” In retrospect, Rey was really convinced she’d just...exaggerated the whole thing.  

“It was not,” Poe corrected, not unkindly. He turned to Finn and Kaydel. “We found her in a shelter and literally thought she was dead. She was very sick, and we were, quite honestly, very worried.”  

“What was your mileage?” Rose asked. “Before you got sick, I mean.”  

Rey sighed. “I was doing steady 27s, then only managed 19. Then a 6, a trail zero, and then... technically 4.5, but I only hiked 3 of those miles with my pack.”  

“That’s when we caught up. And then three zeroes in Bennington before we got back on trail,” Ben added quietly. “We debated taking you to Urgent Care or to Amilyn’s. She was worried you were too dehydrated.”  

“I didn’t know that,” Rey murmured.  

“You were asleep.” Poe’s voice was serious, no lighthearted jokes now. “Or you’d fainted. Hard to really tell which. Ben had to carry you in the house because you couldn’t stand up.”  

“Jesus, Rey. That sounds scary!” Kaydel’s eyes were wide. “I’m so glad you’re ok!”  

“It would have been fine,” Rey insisted. “Amilyn brought me Tylenol and water. I could have stayed on trail.”  

Poe made a rude noise in his throat. Ben gave her a look. Rose, Hux, and Kaydel waited expectantly.  

“But it was probably for the best that Ben and Poe got there the same time as Amilyn,” Rey muttered with maybe a little resentment. Ben gave her a satisfied nod. She thought Poe muttered something that sounded like ‘fucking finally.’  

“And we’re going to be very careful to make sure it doesn’t happen again,” Poe said. “Trail vacation would have been a lot more fun with a conscious Rey.”  

Rey felt her cheeks warm – not with embarrassment, really. More like... affection? Was she pleased, to hear that Poe really wanted to spend time with her? She knew he was friendly with her, but that felt like... it felt like he really did enjoy her company.  

“Conscious Rey is my favorite Rey, too!” Rose added with a giggle.  

“One of these days, I’m going to learn your trick to falling asleep so fast,” Poe said, pointing at Rey.  

“It’s just a breathing technique. It’s-- well, it’s not hard to learn, and the more you do it the more effective it is.”  

“Holding you to that,” Poe said with a grin.  

“How long have you been doing it?” Rose asked. “I need to know how long I have to practice before I’m as good as you. You were out in like 10 seconds last night!”  

“Oh... huh... since I was 6 or 7, I guess? In my... well, the second foster home I stayed at. There was an older kid who showed me.” Rey licked her lips and took a sip of her water. She reminded herself to breathe, to look normal. This was normal. She casually mentioned her childhood in conversation all the time. Like a normal person.  

“Oh, I didn’t know you were in foster care!” Finn said, stretching across the table with an arm raised for a high five. “Foster care buddies!” Rey smacked her hand against his and he sat back down. “I was in and out though, not all the time. Then my grandma got custody and I just lived with her. So not very long at all.”  

“We love Granny Storm!” Kaydel gushed. “Truly incredible care package assembler.”  

“Sounds like you’ve got competition, Rose,” Poe said.  

Rose scoffed. “I haven’t sent you any care packages, dummy.”  

“No time like the present!” Poe grinned.  

“You mean taking a train 6 hours, driving two and a half hours, and then carrying a giant pack full of food wasn’t enough?” Hux asked.  

Poe tapped his chin, thinking. “I’ll accept that as one care package replacement.”  

“I won’t,” Ben said. “Hux, time to step up. Send me brownies or something next time I need a resupply.”  

“You don’t deserve my brownies, Solo.”  

Rey let out a shaky breath as the conversation went on around her. No one demanded answers. No one... really said anything. It was fine. It was completely and utterly fine.  

“Rey! Tell him he’s asking too much.” Hux’s voice cut through her thoughts.  

Rey gave Hux an exaggerated up and down scan. “I don’t think he’s asking too much at all. I think you’ve demonstrated that you’re an excellent cook and baker and, even more importantly, you really love cooking. So it seems like it wouldn’t be any sort of burden on you to toss in some baked goods.”  

“You wound me, Rey,” Hux grumbled. “Just for that, I’m going to ruin your portion of the baked goods with nuts.”  

Rey hadn’t expected Hux to send a portion of baked goods for her at all. She was momentarily stunned. He said it like it was just... a foregone conclusion, that she would be included in the care packages he sent Ben.  

It felt like every few seconds her worldview was changing. It was hard to keep up.  

“Joke’s on you, Hux,” Rey finally said, “I still like baked goods with nuts.”  

“You said you didn’t!” Hux protested. “Just last night you said that!”  

“She said she preferred the no-nuts brownies. Not that she disliked the brownies with nuts.”  

Rey glanced at Ben. He’d remembered her wording, specifically. And picked up on the distinction.  

“Ben is correct. Sorry, Hux, but it'll take more than nuts to ruin your baked goods for me.”  

“Yeah, Rey really eats anything you put in front of her,” Finn said with a laugh. “Totally ok with eating the grossest stuff.”  

Rey felt herself freeze up in that moment. Here it was. All falling apart now. They’d know – they'd figure it out, about the dumpsters and the restaurant with the outdoor patio and the slow servers.  

“Eating a banana with a brown spot doesn’t make it gross, Finn,” Kaydel said, her tone leaving no room for argument. “You are the biggest baby about food I’ve ever seen. You eat like a three-year-old! Almost every night you moaned and wailed, wishing Rey was there to eat whatever you decided was too gross to eat. Ridiculous.”  

“I--ok, that’s-- huh--” Finn scoffed and spluttered. “I absolutely do not eat like a three-year-old. Three-year-olds don’t eat sandwiches with spicy brown mustard!”  

Kaydel gave him a hard look, her lips pressed tightly together to smother a smile. “Even if that were true, and it’s not, you only ate two chicken nuggets the other day because there was a brown spot on one of them.”  

“It was a blood vessel! A chicken blood vessel! No one wants to eat that.”  

“It tasted exactly the same as every other chicken nugget. Which I know, because I ate them all, because you refused to eat them.”  

“So, Finn,” Poe said casually, “is this the part where you say, ‘thank you Rey and Kaydel, for cleaning up the food I’m too picky to eat,’ or does that come later?”  

Finn huffed, crossing his arms. “It comes later, and you damn well know it. That comes after dinner.”  

Rey laughed – a bright, happy sound that she never would have expected to come so soon after a food conversation – and the rest of the room joined in. Including Finn.  

“It’s ok, buddy,” Kaydel said. “But you have to clean your plate if you want to grow up big and strong like the big boys over there.” Kaydel pointed at Ben, Hux, and Poe. “Remember to eat all your veggies!”  

Rey was still chuckling when a yawn took her by surprise. Ben looked at her. “Nap time?”  

“I guess so,” Rey replied. “Didn’t expect to be this tired after barely hiking yesterday and not hiking at all today.”  

“You’re still recovering, you know,” Poe said. He pushed his chair back and stood up, clapping his hands as he looked around the table. “So. Nap time, campers! You don’t have to sleep but you do have to be quiet! This has been our routine on trail and to be honest, I am very much enjoying our siesta tradition. Papa Poe needs his beauty rest.”  

*  

After a much-needed nap, Ben found himself in a hammock that Hux and Rose had set up, sitting sideways and just staring off into the middle distance. Rey and Rose were canoeing again – this time with Kaydel sitting on the floor of the canoe, in the middle, pretending to be captain as Rey and Rose laughed uproariously, the boat only managing lazy circles as they failed to maintain any sort of course.  

“Hammock thief,” Hux said by way of greeting. He’d brought out a tiny backpacking chair – some over-engineered contraption with a spider’s worth of metal tubes as legs and chair back – and set it up near Ben. Hux watched the canoe for a moment. “Quality bonding.”  

Ben nodded. “I like Rose.”  

“Yeah,” Hux said. “She’s... she’s nice.”  

“Nice, is it?” Ben asked archly.  

“She is nice,” Hux protested.  

“She’s just also quite pretty and kind and a ball buster -- you’re halfway in love with her.”  

Hux grimaced. “That obvious?”  

“Nah. I was just looking for it,” Ben grinned. “Poe and I saw this coming a mile away.”  

“Seriously?” Hux turned in his chair to look at Ben straight-on. “The whole thing was a setup?”  

“Yeah,” Ben replied easily. “I mean, Poe did want to see Rose, and she was going to Boston anyway, but we had a pretty good idea how things would turn out when we texted you two.”  

“Never thought I’d live to see the day – Ben Solo, attorney at law, dirty thru hiker, and now matchmaker.”  

“You can thank me at your wedding.”  

For some reason, thinking about a wedding for Hux and Rose twisted Ben’s gut, just a little. In a good way, maybe.  

They sat in silence for a while, watching the three women in the canoe. Hux had out his phone to use his bird watching app, giant dork that he was.  

“Are you glad you left?” Hux asked finally.  

“Yes,” Ben answered immediately. He tested the validity of that answer, pressing around the edges of it in his mind to see if anything felt tender, bruised... wrong. It didn’t. He was glad. Unequivocally.  

“Will you come back?”  

“I don’t know,” Ben replied honestly. “I thought... I thought I’d start hiking and realize I was actually called to do something entirely different, change my whole life. But so far, nothing’s hit me. I don’t miss the hours, really... but I do miss the work some. The fun cases, not the boring ones.”  

“What a nerd.”  

“Ok, kettle, if you say so.”  

“You know you don’t have to bill that many hours. You went way beyond what you needed.”  

Ben rolled his jaw. “It felt necessary. At the time.”  

“You just didn’t have anything resembling a social life. When Phasma and I were engaged I still had plenty of time to spend with her. You stayed later than me almost every day.”  

Hux had a point. Maybe Ben had been making himself miserable. Maybe it hadn’t been the job at all.  

“Have you talked to her recently?” Ben asked, glancing only briefly at Hux.  

“The other day, actually. She’s enjoying the New York office. She says hi.”  

“Hi back.” The women in the canoe were bent over with laughter, Rey frantically trying to reach the paddle she dropped without tipping over the canoe. Kaydel was crawling up behind her, holding on to her waist and trying to balance the boat.  

“Seems like a fun group,” Hux said eventually.  

“Yeah. I think so. We’ll see how long we all stay together.”  

“It’ll at least be you, Poe, and Rey, right?”  

Ben shrugged. “Hard to say. Rey wasn’t much for sticking around before she got sick. This is... this is a whole new thing.”  

“You always did like prickly ones.”  

“I don’t think it’s... it’s not like that. She’s pretty, for sure, but I think we’ll just be friends.”  

“Why?” Hux asked bluntly.  

Ben rolled his jaw. “It’s hard to say, really. I don’t think... I think just being friends will be enough of a challenge. And she’s not from the east coast – there's no future there, after the trail.”  

“And we both know you’re incapable of doing anything casually,” Hux added.  

“And I’m not sure she’s capable of... of committing.”  

Hux squinted at the lake. “People change.”  

“Maybe,” Ben shrugged. “Not sure it’s worth the risk. Friends is fine. I’m not really interested in some messy trailmance. Look how well that’s worked out for Poe and Finn.”  

Hux grimaced. Their interactions had been tense and awkward. “Ok, fair.”  

An increase in the shouting from the canoe grabbed Ben’s attention. “What’s Rose yelling about?”  

Hux frowned. “I can’t tell... she’s-- oh, must be a bug, she looks like she’s trying to swat at something. There were some horseflies out by the water earlier, must be --”  

Shrieks cut off Hux’s thought as the canoe tipped over, unceremoniously dumping Rose, Kaydel, and Rey into the water. Rose and Kaydel bobbed up first. Ben watched for Rey as he and Hux both headed towards the shore.  

“You ok?” Hux yelled through his cupped hands.  

“Fine!” Rose yelled back.  

“Freezing!” Ben heard Rey add with a laugh. The women slowly made their way to shore, dragging the canoe behind them as they joked with each other. Ben waded into the water as they got closer, pulling the canoe on shore for them and offering a hand as they struggled to clamber up the muddy shoreline.  

“What went wrong here, ladies?” Hux asked, helping Rose out of the water.  

“Look, it was huge, and you would have been scared too if ---” Rose started.  

“It was not stalking you, Rose, you’re insane!” Kayel broke in.  

“It was a mutant horse fly,” Rose insisted.  

“I just can’t figure out what you were trying to accomplish!” Rey said, squeezing water out of her hair. “Flailing your arms around like that – did you think you’d scare it off??”  

Ben had noticed the water streaming down her legs, her shirt and shorts clinging tightly to her body.  

“No plans, just terror,” Rose said. “God I hate horseflies!”  

Ben appraised the three women, all starting to shiver. “I guess now is as good a time as any to start a fire. If you all go get dried off I’ll get it started for you.”  

“Please!” Kaydel said. “It wasn’t this cold before we got dumped in the pond!”  

“A saint,” Rey added. She was shivering but still smiling.  

“There’s a towel hanging on my bunk,” Hux said.  

“Rose gets it last because she was the one who flipped the canoe!” Kaydel was walking backwards as she headed for the cabin. “Come on, Rey! We have to get inside before Rose’s stalker horsefly returns!”  

Ben watched as Rey let Kaydel pull her towards the cabin, both women giggling as Rose followed, protesting their characterization of the mutant horsefly.  

Ben and Hux stood in silence, watching the trio disappear into the cabin.  

“Well,” Hux said finally, “I suppose they’ve all hit it off.”  

*  

“Wait, wait, wait, so you’re telling me that – no seriously, I just need to clarify this!” Rey was laughing as she tried to speak, protestations from Poe blithely ignored. “You’re telling me that everyone called you Flyboy not because of the pilot thing, but because you never kept your pants zipped?”  

“It’s not like I walked around like that on purpose!” Poe argued. “It was a defective zipper!”  

“And! You were steadily working your way through most of the Outward Bound employees,” Rose added gleefully. “So it was both a defective zipper on your only hiking pants, and it was behavioral.”  

“You only had one pair of hiking pants when hiking was literally your job??” Kaydel asked.  

They were sitting around a beaten-up dining table, the remains of the meal that Hux and Rose had cooked down to almost nothing. It had been a good meal – better than good, in Rey’s opinion – and sitting around the table, clean, full, and relaxed, Rey felt that same glow of happiness that she’d had at Amilyn’s house.  

It was nice.  

She smiled as she caught the last half of Rose’s surprisingly accurate Poe impression. Across from her, Ben was laughing, his eyes crinkled, and his body relaxed, long legs stretched out under the table. The cabin was cozy, a jumbled mess of couches and mismatched chairs and tables, meant to accommodate the steady march of the NoBo bubble when it moved through Massachusetts. A stone fireplace nestled into the wall of the living room, rocking chairs arranged around it. Ben’s fire still burned in the hearth.  

She was glad, sitting here, that things had worked out the way they had.  

"We need to plan to do this again,” Poe said. “Hux, maybe you can meet Rose in Philly and come hike with her once we get there?”  

Hux glanced at Rose briefly then cleared his throat. “We’ve... discussed that possibility.”  

“Already planned,” Rose added cheerfully. Hux gave her what Rey thought looked like an indulgent smile. Rey may not pick up on a lot of social cues, but this one was blindingly obvious, even to her.  

As the conversation around the table wound down, the group slowly dissipated – Poe going off to read in his bunk, Finn and Hux playing some intense card game. Ben was on the phone with someone, so Rose, Rey, and Kaydel grabbed their warm layers and a few beers and headed down to the dock.  

“This is so nice,” Rose said, stretched out flat on her back between Kaydel and Rey. “I’m so jealous of thru-hikers.”  

“You’ve already finished the trail, though,” Kaydel protested, “and you did it the hard way. I don’t have the discipline to section hike a long trail like that.”  

“It is impressive,” Rey agreed. “And this way we still get to see you again!”  

“Ugh, Rose is the only part of Pennsylvania I’m looking foward to,” Kaydel moaned.  

Rose giggled. “There are some good parts of PA. Southern Pennsylvania is really beautiful. Lots of farmland.”  

“We’ll take your word for it,” Kaydel replied.  

“I’m glad you were able to come out, Rose,” Rey said finally. “I feel so lucky to have met you.”  

“Me, too,” Kaydel agreed. “And I’m glad I finally caught up with you, Rey. I feel like... like I kept putting my foot in my mouth when we first met. I was so lonely; it was like I’d forgotten how to be around people. Also...” Kaydel paused a moment and sat up on one elbow, looking over Rose at Rey. “Also, I think Finn and I really fucked up and ate your breakfast sandwich. And I fucked up because you were supposed to have two. And I ate that one.”  

Rey sat up on one elbow too, confused. “What?”  

“Yeah, you remember that morning at Libby House? When Ben brought donuts and the sausage biscuits? Well... I assumed... I mean, Finn told me, but I’m capable of critical thinking too, so I should have asked, but Ben obviously didn’t buy a biscuit for me, because he hadn’t met me when he went out that morning. The last two in the bag were for you. And we ate them. And I’m really sorry.”  

Rey blinked a few times. Of course she remembered that morning. It was seared in her brain – the embarrassing morning, the morning she thought she and Ben were friends, but he ignored her the whole time. It haunted her, almost.  

“I hadn’t made any friends on the trail and I was really sad and lonely and just... couldn’t stop talking? And I knew I was talking too much, but I had no power over it. And I just... really wanted to be friends with all of you, but you were so much cooler and faster and a better hiker than me. You and Ben, really.”  

“Ben said you kept up really well,” Rey finally said.  

“Barely,” Kaydel snorted. “And you were so far ahead of us. And I knew I was awkward and weird but I didn’t know how to fix it. And I didn’t even know about the biscuit thing until Poe told Finn earlier today.”  

“That’s... I mean, it’s fine,” Rey said. “It wasn’t your fault.”  

“It... it was pretty much my fault,” Kaydel said. “I’m just glad we caught up so I could apologize and maybe we can be friends now?”  

“Of course,” Rey stammered. “Of course we can be friends. I’d like that.”  

“I have very little to offer besides my knowledge of the law, but I’ll do my best to pull my own weight in our friendship.”  

“Oh, well, I’m sure Ben will love having another lawyer around again. To talk about lawyer stuff with.”  

Rose snorted. “Ben does not give two shits about lawyer stuff.”  

“No kidding,” Kaydel said ruefully. “I don’t think he and Hux have even discussed the firm like... at all. I talked to Hux about his work for a while but Ben like... never talks about lawyer stuff. Not on his own.”  

“Really?” Rey frowned. “I thought for sure... I figured I just wasn’t good at talking about law stuff.”  

“No, he’s just got much, much better things to talk to you about,” Kaydel said suggestively.  

“Right?” Rose asked with a laugh. “Or even not talk about with Rey.”  

Kaydel and Rose giggled together.  

“I’m.... lost,” Rey said finally.  

“Rey, sweetie,” Kaydel said, “Ben is like... super into you.”  

“It’s blindingly obvious,” Rose agreed.  

“What?” Rey asked. “No, he’s... there’s no way.”  

“Ben talked about you to Hux like... constantly. Even Hux knows Ben has a thing for you, and that man is not great at picking up on stuff like that.”  

“Don’t think we’re not going to discuss that whole situation,” Kaydel said, pointing to Rose. “But if Ben doesn’t have some mega crush on you, Rey, then he at least likes you more than anyone else. Like at minimum, you’re his BFF.”  

“I’m not sure he’s even really aware of it,” Rose mused, “but he’s always watching for you. He seems like a great guy, honestly. Him and Hux are kind of weird about each other, but Hux has nothing bad to say about him. Like, at all.”  

Rey felt the world as she knew it tilt on its axis; she felt the magnetic poles flip.  

“Don’t tell me this is completely new information,” Kaydel said. “You had to know.”  

“I... didn’t know,” Rey said finally.  

“It’s ok, girl, you’re an engineer. They don’t teach us feelings, like, at all. Also, I’m not sure you’re aware of this, but you are like, literally gorgeous.” Rose patted Rey’s thigh affectionately. “I’m pretty into Hux right now but I’d drop him in a heartbeat for you. And I'm only like 25% into women.”  

“Well, I’m like 85% into women and I’d go for you any day,” Kaydel said. “Honestly either of you, but we’re talking about Rey here.”  

Rey felt her mouth hang open as she looked between Kaydel and Rose.  

“Ok, girl, obviously this was not something you were aware of, so that’s a lot for one night. Just... think it over,” Rose said.  

Kaydel nodded. “Trust Rose.”  

“Ok,” Rey found herself agreeing.  

“And now we’ll give you a break and turn our attention to.... Rose and Hux!” Kaydel announced. “Tell us, Rose, what is going on there?”  

“We hooked up, after we got drinks in Boston. And it was really good and there are a lot of very surprising ways that we are very compatible and Poe is going to be so smug about it this!” Rose giggled. “I ended up staying with him for part of the conference. He is loaded and has an absolutely gorgeous place. Ben’s place is really nice too, Rey. If you were curious. Dude has money.”  

“You got to go to Ben’s house?” Kaydel asked.  

“Oh yeah. Armie is house sitting, so we went to check on it and grab some of his resupply stuff to bring. It’s gorgeous. I thought Armie’s place was super fancy and then we saw Ben’s and like...whoo!” Rose made a garbled noise and shook her head back and forth, eyes wide. “Hux said Ben was loaded but that was at least two tax brackets higher than I thought it would be. I zillow-swooned.”  

“Just... I mean, Rey. If a hot, tall, wealthy law genius wanted to be my special friend? I’d be all over that,” Kaydel said. “And if he can cook, too? And, I’m sorry, did Poe say he carried you into the house? Yeah. I wouldn’t turn any of that down. And I don’t even like men that much!”  

“I... I don’t think he likes me like that,” Rey protested, a little dazed. “As friends, sure. But I think he finds me very frustrating.”  

“If he does,” Rose said, “and this is a big if, it’s probably because he doesn’t think you like him. As a friend or more than friend, unclear. But either way. That’s what I’d bet on.”  

Kaydel nodded. Rey’s brain was working on overdrive, trying to connect her memories of Ben with what Kaydel and Rose were telling her. She wasn’t sure it all matched up.  

“No,” Rey said finally. “There’s... no way. Ben... I’ve told him more about... how I grew up than anyone else. Maybe he sees me as like some pity project or something. But that’s it.”  

“Just keep an open mind,” Rose said finally. “Just stay like, open to the possibility. Maybe try trusting him a little more.”  

Rey snorted. “I’m not very good at trusting.”  

“Well... maybe you can practice,” Kaydel said encouragingly. “I do get... I mean, just from the few things you’ve said, I get why that might be hard for you. But maybe give it a shot.”  

“And if you ever need anyone, you’ve always got us,” Rose added.  

“And also, Ben likes you,” Kaydel said, standing up. She offered a hand to Rey. “I’m heading in. Ready for bed?”  

Rey let Kaydel pull her up, then dusted off her butt as Kaydel also pulled Rose up. “I don’t know how to process literally any of this,” Rey said.  

“Just let it marinate. You’ve got plenty of time to figure it all out,” Rose said.  

Kaydel hooked arms with Rose and Rey. She rested her head briefly on Rey’s shoulder as they walked arm-in-arm up to the cabin. “You two are the best. I’m so glad we can be friends.”  

“Me too!” Rose said, bumping shoulders with Kaydel such that their momentum bumped Kaydel’s shoulder into Rey’s, like a little wave. “I love women so much.”  

“Female friendships are the superior friendships,” Kaydel agreed. “Like half of my best friends are all girls I met drunk in a bathroom.”  

“Ugh, women are the best,” Rose agreed.  

Rey thought... she thought they were probably right.  

She thought she had best friends, maybe for the first time in her life.  

“Can we do sheet masks, when you come meet us in PA?” Rey asked suddenly.  

Rose squealed. “Yes! I love that! I’ll absolutely get us spa day supplies!”  

“Like a sleepover?” Kaydel asked. “I am, predictably, very into that idea. I bet Hux loves sheet masks.”  

“He does!” Rose confirmed. “He’s the best.”  

“We need to start a group chat, too,” Kaydel said as they opened the door to the cabin. “We’ll have to plan all the details, obvi.”  

“Oh, of course,” Rose agreed. “It’s going to be so much fun. My sister has so many skin care samples I can easily raid her stash.”  

“Hang on, we need a selfie for our group chat photo. Ben!” Rose said, beckoning to the man in question who was making sure the fire in the fireplace was completely out. “Come take a pic for us, please!”  

He stood and dusted off his hands, sauntering over towards them.  

Rey could practically hear Kaydel and Rose’s voices echoing in her head. He’s into you, he’s into you, Ben likes you.  

“Looks like you girls had fun,” he said, taking Rose’s proffered phone.  

Rey felt Kaydel and Rose both throw their arms around her, squeezing her from both sides. They intoned “cheese!” together, and Rey joined in, her smile genuine.  

“Beautiful,” Ben said, once he’d snapped a few pictures. He handed Rose her phone back.  

But he was looking at Rey.  

*

Chapter Text

Day 56 

Mile 780.4 

Graymoor Spiritual Life Center  

It had been almost a week since they’d said goodbye to Rose and Hux. So far, the tramily held – Finn and Kaydel had kept up with the mileage that Poe, Ben, and Rey had been setting. It was more moderate than Rey would have done on her own, but she found she didn’t mind, really. She was... adapting.  

Since they’d finished Massachusetts and Connecticut – a very quick, very mediocre 40-something miles – New York had been amazing. They’d pushed hard, once they crossed the state line, to make it to their first deli. They tented there that night, in the grassy field behind the small store. That gave them dinner and breakfast with real food. The next night they made it to RPH Shelter, close enough to a road crossing that a few restaurants were willing to deliver.  

They still had a few more days in New York, so a few more deli stops, but for today, they were heading off trail a half mile or so to a monastery.  

Ben and Rey arrived first, crossing the wide grassy sport field to a small picnic shelter. The trail was mostly empty now, so there were no other hikers there.   

“Looks like there’s water for the shower still,” Ben said, walking back around the small wooden structure that housed the outdoor shower. “Cold, but not frigid.”  

“No good town stops until Delaware Water Gap, right?”  

Ben nodded. “Almost a week away, most likely.”  

Rey winced. She’d have to brave the cold shower, then. “Are you going to set up your tent or just sleep on a picnic table?”  

“Probably next to a picnic table. I don’t think I’d fit on top of one.” They settled, by unspoken agreement, together, sitting side by side on the bench, leaning against the edge of the table.  

“This is nice,” Rey said finally, breaking the silence.  

“It is. It’s been good, the last few days.” Ben glanced over at her. “Are you dying to pull ahead of us yet?”  

Rey scrunched her nose, thinking. “I don’t think so. Sometimes... sometimes I’m surprised that I’m still with the group, but I never think that I need to leave. I just... it’s like I forgot that I decided to hike with everyone still. I don’t know. That’s stupid.”  

“No, I get it,” Ben said. “You’ve changed the way you do something, but your brain forgets there was a good reason, just for a minute.”  

“Exactly.” Rey looked over at him. “You’re very perceptive.”  

“Not usually. I think I just get you, sort of.”  

Rey hummed. “Yeah, I can see that. I don’t think I get you, though.”  

“Really? I feel like you do.”  

“No, your motivations are... it’s a complete mystery to me.”  

“Is it a mystery, or do you just think you don’t deserve good things?”  

“Oh, fuck you,” Rey said, laughing. “Entirely too perceptive.”  

Ben tapped her foot with his, gently. “You do deserve good things. People like you. They want to be friends with you, you know.”  

Logically, Rey supposed this was true. It just never seemed to work out that way.  

“Sometimes, you kind of... hold people at a distance, like you don’t want them to see you, or know you.” He didn't look at her while he spoke. He studied the dense trees edging the far side of the sports field in front of them.

He had a pleasant voice. It was deep and rich, never monotone. Like this, when they sat close to each other, and he spoke quietly, it gave her shivers, sometimes.  

“Hey, hey!” Poe called, rounding the curve to approach the shelter. “This place looks awesome!”  

The moment was broken, the bubble burst. Rey stood up. “Welcome to the monastery, Brother Poe!”  

“Ah, Sister Rey, thank you. Shall we confess our sins? Father Ben, forgive me, I have coveted and thought impure thoughts about the bag of sour gummy worms I saw you buy earlier today.”  

*  

Ben woke Rey up around 4am. “Is it time?” she’d asked sleepily, rubbing her eyes.  

“So many meteors,” he whispered. She followed him to the middle of the grassy field, where he’d already laid out her groundsheet. They brought her sleeping pad and his quilt, then settled in together to watch the sky.  

“I can’t believe we got another clear night for this,” Rey said quietly, once they were still. “I really can’t believe everyone else passed on seeing it.”  

Three meteors shot across the sky.  

There was more light pollution here than there had been in Bennington, but there were more meteors this time.  

And they were both miles better than what he would have seen in Boston.  

“It’s hard to believe this is just... what my life is now,” Rey said after a while. “I never would have imagined I’d be laying in a field at a monastery in New York, watching a meteor shower.”  

“I don’t think I would have imagined this for myself either,” Ben admitted.   

“What did you think your life would be like?”  

“When I was a kid? Or like... last year?”  

“Either,” Rey said. “Both.”  

Ben hummed. “When I was a kid, I thought I’d be a pilot. So, I guess I figured I’d be flying all over the place, never in one city long. Girl in every port, maybe.”  

“You thought you’d have multiple girlfriends?”  

“I was an imaginative kid. Not a lot of self-awareness, maybe. Didn’t realize how incredibly awkward I’d be as an adult.”  

“No, it’s not that – I just can’t... I can’t see you as the kind of guy who’d have more than one girlfriend. You seem very... monogamous. You definitely could have multiple girlfriends, I mean, you could have just about any... well, it just doesn’t seem like something you’d want.”  

“I think I thought I was more like my father than I really was.”  

“What about last year? What did you think it would be like last year?”  

Ben grunted. “Still at the firm. I thought I’d be engaged or married, probably. With my ex.”  

“I didn’t know you had an ex who was that serious,” Rey said. “I guess we never talked about it.”  

“I don’t think I ever talked about it much. It was just... one of those relationships that never ends, even though it’s not that great. We didn’t fight all the time or anything, but we also weren’t very happy. We didn’t see each other much.”  

“What did she do? How did you meet?”  

“She’s a lawyer. We met at the firm. She started a few years after me. She’s very... put together. Always very meticulous. She enjoyed all the firm parties and dinners. I didn’t. We compromised and were both just kind of unhappy all the time, but not unhappy enough to do anything about it.  I mentioned...” he broke off with a bitter, brittle laugh. “So, I meet my parents for dinner quarterly, basically. More often if they're in town for some reason. She met my parents after we'd been together months, came to dinner with us once, and then I never really invited her again. She didn't ask. I don’t know why I never realized that was significant, but I didn’t. But I was at dinner with my parents -- without her, of course, and I mentioned my grandmother’s ring. I didn't have any plans, really. Nothing concrete. Just figured I should get all the elements in place, I guess. My mom just stared at me. Like I’d grown another head. She said that of course it was promised to me, so whenever I felt I needed it, it was already mine. And then she said I should probably make sure to have something about it in the pre-nup. It was like my brain just shut down, all the sudden. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone this, not even Hux. But I broke up with her that night. So I got home from dinner, considered how I’d have to structure the pre-nup to cover all the bases, and realized it would have been an absolutely disastrous marriage. All before she was back from after-work drinks with some senior associates.”  

“That sounds dramatic.”  

“It was very dramatic. She was angry. I’ve never seen her that emotional, ever. Probably another glaringly obvious red flag that I ignored. Neither of us cared enough to get upset about anything.”  

“When did you break up?”  

“Coincidentally, shortly before my uncle had his heart attack.”  

“That’s still pretty fresh.”  

Ben frowned. Was it still fresh? “I guess. It doesn’t feel fresh. It wasn’t even that hard once we broke up. We’d never combined finances. She’d kept her apartment, so I booked movers, and she was gone in a few days. We saw each other at a few work things, but I don’t think either one of us was really torn up about it. She was mad that night, but apparently, according to Hux’s ex, she got over it the next day. She just didn’t like having her 5-year plan thrown off schedule like that. It sounds obvious and pitiful, saying it out loud. I was considering proposing to my long-term girlfriend of four years and decided in a span of thirty minutes to break up with her instead, and within a week it was like we’d never been together at all.”  

They were quiet, watching stars streak across the inky black sky, orange tails blazing behind them.  

It had been easy to break up with his ex. There were so few emotions involved. She was pretty. Very smart. She wasn't cruel or mean. They got along well enough. He'd just never really been invested in the relationship. Ben had been happier to see Poe that day at Porcupine Lookout than he’d ever been to see her after a week-long business trip. Ben had been more upset about Rey getting mad at him in the Whites than he had when his ex had an emotional affair with a coworker.  

He cringed a little. How had he never seen it before?  

“What about you?” Ben glanced over at Rey, her lips parted as she stared wide-eyed at the stars. “What did you think your life would be like?”  

Rey turned her head to look at him. She searched his face for a moment. He held eye contact, needing her to answer this for him. For some reason.  

“I didn’t. When I was little, I never pictured... I never thought I’d live this long, honestly. I’m not saying I thought I’d be dead, exactly, I just never... I never assumed I’d have a future.” She licked her lips and turned her face back to the sky. “My parents... or at least, someone I assume was my parent, left me at a... like a county dump. When I was 4 or 5. I don’t remember it at all, really. Just vague impressions, like sitting in the sun for hours, being really worried and scared, crying...but not what happened or how long I was there. They think it was two days, just based on the dump schedule. And once they... once they found me, I was in foster homes and stuff, and I just never thought past the next day. It was a miracle I ever made it to college, really. My physics teacher did most of the research and work for me, otherwise I wouldn’t have... I was working, all the time. I didn’t have access to a computer at... outside of school. I never would have been able to figure out how to apply for scholarships and stuff.  

“In college I only ever worried about that semester, or at most, graduating. And then I did and it was like... like I’d finished the game, but nothing changed. I was still me. I got a job and had money but I’ve never felt... secure. I didn’t really have enough saved up to come hike, I just knew if I stayed and kept working, if I didn’t come do this... well, I don’t know. I don’t know what would have happened, but it felt like I’d die, if I stayed. When I tried to think about my future it just kind of... faded to black.”  

He saw, out of the corner of his eye, her hand come up and swipe at her face. He didn’t turn to look. As long as they looked at the sky, they could be anyone. They were anonymous, almost. They were telling the sky their secrets, and no one else was there to hear.  

“Did you ever see yourself getting married or anything?” Ben asked Rey, once it felt like her words had drifted off, into the trees, absorbed by the sky and ground around them.  

“Never. I spent more time in group homes than with actual families, before Plutt, at least. And God knows Plutt wasn’t married. I’m not sure he’d ever had sex, honestly. So I didn’t see a lot of married people. And Jakku was... marriage was usually something that happened to you, instead of a choice you made, with like... planning behind it. You moved in with some guy or you got pregnant and then you just never moved out, even though you weren’t together half the time." He heard her swallow, as if pushing around a lump in her throat. “I could barely imagine a life where I didn’t have to dig food out of the trash, or where I could choose where I slept every night. The idea of being loved was so farfetched. Like waking up to a blizzard in Jakku or something, you know?”  

He waited a beat, letting her catch her breath. The words had tumbled out of her, a stream of confessions, not giving her time to take in the air she needed. He could see her pulse thudding, racing, under the thin skin of her neck.  

“And now? Can you see yourself being loved now?”  

She made a strange little noise in the back of her throat, something between a laugh and a gasp and a sob.  

Stars streaked across the sky, so far removed from this moment between them. Big enough to be seen so far away, fragile enough to burn up into ash while they watched.  

He almost missed it, when she finally answered. It was quiet. He almost thought it was just the wind, catching a leaf, maybe.   

“Maybe.”  

*  

They woke up at the same time. A laugh – and a hand, clapping against the laughing mouth, cutting the sound off – pushing through the fog of sleep. He was stretched out on his back, one hand behind his head as a pillow. The other was wrapped around Rey’s body, hand tucked under her fleece, splayed against the warm skin of her stomach. Her head rested in the crook of his shoulder, still pointed up at the sky, though she was contorted to be resting mostly on her side, with her legs somehow draped over his. None of her joints were at an angle that made sense to his large-bodied, tight-tendoned mind.  

His quilt was spread on top of them both.  

He shed his drowsiness, stretching and flexing to wake up his limbs, his one arm pulling her closer. She turned on her side more, her top arm sliding across his chest and up his neck until her fingers threaded through his hair. Her other arm pulled in, tucking itself between his side and her torso, nestled just under her chin. She nuzzled her face into his fleece and groaned.  

He felt suddenly too conscious of his heart thudding – surely louder than it had ever been in his life. His lower back was tight, a cramp threatened one calf, but he could still smell the lavender soap she’d used to wash her hair under the icy-cold shower the day before.  

She drew in a long breath, coming awake more fully. She slid her hand out of his hair and tucked it with her other arm, between her body and his. But she didn’t pull away.  

“What time is it?”  

He slid his hand out from under her fleece and lifted his wrist. “8:06. Damn.”  

“Hmm.”  

Neither one of them moved. Poe’s voice drifted over to them, teasing Finn about something. Kaydel laughed.  

Rey’s stomach growled.  

“There’s a deli in 2 miles, I think,” Ben said absentmindedly, his hand settling on her hip now.  

“Well that might be motivating enough,” she said, her voice scratchy with sleep and the damp of the grassy field.  

They held still a moment longer. Ben didn’t want to be the first one to move. It felt nice, having this warm body tucked up against him. Even if her sleeping pad was the most uncomfortable thing he’d ever slept on.  

The moved at almost the same instant. “Fuuuck,” Ben moaned as he rolled onto his side to sit up. “This pad destroyed my back. How have you survived?”  

She was already standing above him, one hand extended to pull him up. She was grinning, her hair a wild halo around her face, mussed from where it had rubbed against his fleece-covered arm the past few hours. Still in the braid he'd done for her, though. “You’re just old.”  

“Well, no argument there.” They both stooped to gather up the items they’d dragged out to the field. They walked over to the shelter together, shoulders lightly bumping, mirroring yawns.  

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the astrologists,” Finn said.  

“Astronomers,” Kaydel corrected.  

Finn frowned. “Are you sure?”  

Kaydel rolled her eyes. “How was the meteor shower?”  

“Incredible,” Rey said, sliding onto the bench next to Kaydel. “Even more meteors than last time.”  

Kaydel wrapped her arms around Rey’s shoulders and squeezed her in a tight hug. Ben watched as Rey rested her head on the other woman’s shoulder.  

Ben had always catalogued his memories in mental filing cabinets. He regularly opened the drawers, browsed through the neatly labeled folders, cross-indexed with succinct summaries written on the outside. He could hear one of those drawers slamming open, a handful of memory folders flying out, falling open on the floor – Rey, withdrawing quickly, as Finn tried to hug her. Shaking off Poe’s arm around her shoulder. Pulling away briefly when Ben raised his arm for a high five.  

He smiled at Kaydel.  

“You’re nuts for getting up that early,” Poe said, sipping his instant coffee.  

Ben shrugged. “I’ll sleep when I’m old.”  

“Older,” Rey corrected, smiling at him.  

“Fair. I do feel pretty old this morning,” Ben said, putting his mug of water on his stove to boil. He’d make one cup of coffee, then pack up and finish breakfast at the deli. He glanced at Rey. “Want a cup?”  

“Nah, I’m holding out for the deli,” she replied. “Thanks, though.”  

Finn, Kaydel, and Poe were glancing between the two of them. They weren’t subtle at all – Ben could feel their eyes ping-ponging back and forth between him and Rey. Finn opened his mouth to say something. Ben heard a scuffle of feet on the concrete and the dull thud of a foot connecting with a shin. Finn closed his mouth and stayed silent.

“Deli sounds good,” Kaydel said. “I’m gonna pee and pack up.”  

“Good plan,” Finn agreed, draining the last of his instant coffee. Ben was back to making only his own coffee, it seemed. He smiled to himself.  

What a good morning.  

Rey wandered off to pack up and do her morning camp routine. Poe cleared his throat dramatically.  

“So. I’m guessing you had a rather... holy experience here at the monastery?”  

“Not the way you’re implying,” Ben said.  

“Really? Because it sure looked like you weren’t leaving much room for Jesus this morning.”  

“Well, I’m more Jewish than Christian,” Ben said casually. "I've never intended to leave room for Jesus."

“Couldn’t have fit unleavened bread between you two.”  

“Don’t be a putz,” Ben replied, sipping his freshly brewed coffee.  

“Just let me know when you make it to the land of milk and honey. I’ll keep the children away from your tent.” Poe waggled his eyebrows at Ben.  

“That’s appalling, but I’m also impressed with your Jewish knowledge.”  

“That’s really what I strive for,” Poe said, packing up his food bag. “Something between impressive and appalling.”  

Chapter Text

DAY 59 

Wildcat Shelter 

Mile 819.3 

It had been raining for a week. Not a hard rain, just a constant drizzle. There were no views at the top of the mountains they climbed – everything was blanketed in grayish fog. Rey's socks and shoes were constantly wet. She could hear her feet squelching with each step. Everything was either outright wet or a cold, persistent damp.  

They hiked all day with their rain jackets on. The waterproof fabric trapped in all her body heat, making Rey sweat and her clothes, in turn, even more damp. They all kept the hoods of their rain jackets up, making it hard to have any conversation while hiking. The heavy drops of rain hitting the hood were loud. Rey wished she had earplugs.   

Ben listened to political podcasts and boring history books all day. He wore one earbud at a time, letting the other charge, so he never went without sound.   

Poe was using his old wired earbuds. He’d simply put his entire music library on shuffle, something that seemed to really upset Ben. No playlists, no separation between genres or even novelty and holiday music. Just... all of it. On shuffle.  

Rey agreed that this was disturbing behavior, but she thought Ben was really dragging it out, complaining every time Poe started humming bits of wildly divergent songs.  

Kaydel was listening to all the Outlander novels. Kaydel tried to explain the plot to Rey but ultimately it was too confusing. All Rey knew was there was a lot of sex and that Kaydel was incapable of imitating a Scottish accent.  

Finn decided to listen to every Taylor Swift album, in order. Deluxe editions. He wasn’t really a Swiftie, he explained, but felt like she was really having a moment and he needed to understand her discography to better inform his opinion on Beyonce vs Taylor. He refused to divulge who was ahead now that he’d made it to 1989 .  

Rey’s phone didn’t have the kind of battery life to support listening to anything all day, or even part of the day. She hiked in silence. They stopped for breaks at shelters, morosely looking out at the rain.  

It was extremely depressing.   

Every day spent hiking in the endless rain, Rey felt like her fuse was getting shorter and shorter. Here she was, surrounded by people -- friends , even – and yet she was completely isolated. By the rain! One of the things she’d been most looking forward to on the AT.   

So when they arrived at Wildcat Shelter, gathering under the tin roof, Rey groaned at the sight of another hiker already set up.  

“Hey, hey!” He greeted them. “You guys going all the way?”  

Ben stepped up, taking his AirPods out of his ears. “Hey, man. Yeah, SOBO. You?”  

“Hell yeah! Samesies!” The hiker stood, offering a high five. Ben reluctantly returned it. “Trail name’s Snap. What about you?”  

“We’re all trail nameless,” Ben said. They introduced themselves and exchanged greetings with Snap.  

“Well, still plenty of room in the shelter if you guys want to set up. I can scoot my crap over.” Snap had experienced a pack explosion. His gear was somehow scattered throughout the shelter, taking up most of a space that was meant to sleep 8-12 adults. “My tent is fucking soaked on the inside, so I’m stuck in shelters until we get some dry weather.”  

“Always nice to get a spot in a shelter when it rains,” Poe agreed.  

“When isn’t it raining,” Kaydel grumbled. “Gonna need a goddamn canoe soon.”  

Rey grabbed a spot and started unpacking, unfolding her sleeping pad between Poe and Kaydel. It was wet, of course; she carried it strapped to the outside of her pack, so there was nothing to do but suck it up when it rained. But it meant everything was just damp now. Damp quilt, damp leggings, damp fleece, damp socks. Not as bad as it had been in the Whites, that night she’d stayed at Lakes of the Clouds, crammed up against Ben’s warm body. But still… damp.   

She just wanted to be dry again. The skin on her feet was always a little pruny now. She’d gotten more blisters this week than she had since Maine. Her damp skin just ripped open with the slightest friction. At least it didn’t hurt. Rey pulled out her guidebook and her golf pencil; next to Wildcat Shelter, she wrote “rain for days, miserable.”  

She stood up and grabbed her pee rag, intending to find a tree to hug.  

“Oh, hey, you going to get water?” Poe asked.  

Rey looked down at her hands, then back at Poe, baffled. “What?”  

“If you’re going to get water, can you fill me up, too? I’ve got my dry socks on already,” he said, grinning as he wiggled his toes at her.  

“Poe, do you see a single container that can hold water anywhere on my person? Do you see the two full water bottles literally at my feet right now? No, I’m not going to get any fucking water,” Rey snapped.  

“Well excuse me,” Poe said hotly. “Just thought I would ask, see if you’d be willing to do something nice for someone for a change.”  

“What the fuck, Poe?” Rey asked shrilly.  

“If you’re not going to get water, what are you doing, anyways?” Poe asked sourly.  

“I’m going to fucking pee in the goddamn woods, Poe, that’s what I’m going to do. Do you need me to hold your dick for you? Do something nice for a change, hmm?” Rey rolled her eyes dramatically as she hopped down from the shelter platform. “Is there a shelter sign-out sheet? Do I need a fucking hall pass to go pee now? Poe, do I have your permission to go piss in the woods?”  

Rey stomped off before she could hear his reply. She peed angrily, then tried to come up with an excuse to not go back to the shelter just yet, wandering around the woods behind the shelter.  

“Oh, hey, what’s up?” Snap asked with a chuckle. “Having a safety meeting, wanna join?”  

Rey glanced at him, sitting on a fallen log with Finn, passing a small joint between them. She shrugged.  

“I don’t really smoke but I could take a hit. Thanks,” she said, sitting next to Snap. She breathed in the smoke briefly – she didn’t want to get anywhere close to high and she didn’t want to look like an idiot and cough up a lung. “How’s your hike been going?”  

Snap shrugged. “It was pretty good until this rain. I dunno, I’ve been thinking about getting off trail. I’ve been... fuck, this is going to sound sad as hell, but I haven’t really been hiking with anyone, so I’ve got this little, like... robocop guy I found on trail? And like, that little plastic dude has been my tramily.”  

Rey nodded, unsure how to respond. Snap didn’t seem to be waiting for a reply, though.  

“Call him Mr. Bones,” he said with a snort.  

“Dude,” Finn said, laughing as he clapped a hand on Snap’s shoulder, “that’s fucking... like destroying me.”  

“Probably good I ran into you guys,” Snap agreed. “No telling what me and Mr. Bones would have gotten up to if we’d been alone much longer.”  

Rey made a sympathetic noise, then gestured back towards the shelter. She left the two men, unable to fully enjoy their conversation while sober.  

She crept around the side of the shelter, listening to see if Poe was still there. She didn’t hear his loud, obnoxious voice.  

“He’s taking a dump,” Kaydel said bluntly. Rey nodded her thanks.  

She wanted to make a cup of tea, but she needed to take advantage of this Poe-free time to get in her sleeping bag. With any luck, she could reasonably pretend to be asleep by the time he got back from the privy.  

Her head had just hit her pillow – her puffy jacket, balled up under her head – when Poe tripped over a shovel and make an incredible racket. She rolled her eyes.  

“Jesus, Poe, can you be any louder?” Kaydel asked. “You’ll give poor Ben a heart attack.”  

“I wish to be excluded from this narrative, actually,” Ben said dryly, looking up from the actual, physical book he was reading.  

“Who leaves a shovel in the middle of a shelter??” Poe demanded.  

Rey could practically hear Kaydel’s eyes roll. “The trail maintainers, Poe. And it was leaning against a wall. Hardly the middle of the shelter.”  

“Whooaaa,” Finn said with an awkward laugh, tripping slightly over his own feet as he and Snap came back to the shelter. “The vibes in here are offensive.”  

Snap giggled. “Like a sad pizza!”  

Finn cackled in response.  

“You two are fucking high, aren’t you?” Poe scoffed. “Go sit down so you don’t knock over my stove, children.”  

“Hey,” Finn protested, “I’m not a child! Just because you’re old doesn’t mean... doesn’t mean I’m not also old, but less old.”  

“Right!” Snap agreed.  

Ben noisily dug through his pack, dumping out a small stuff sack.  

“I’m putting in ear plugs. If you need anything... actually, don’t need anything from me until a reasonable time in the morning,” Ben announced.  

“It’s like the bed of grandpas from Willy Wonka,” Finn snorted.  

“Hippy-dee-dee!” Snap sang out, “I’m a grandpa and can’t walk, but if there’s a chance to get rich, you bet I’m suddenly not bedridden!”  

“Actually, Ben doesn’t need money,” Finn corrected him. “He’s like... Vanderbilt rich.”  

“You’re lucky he has his earplugs in already,” Kaydel sniffed. “Y’all are obnoxious.”  

“Y’all!” Snap cried out. “I love Southerners.”  

“Yeah, Kaydel is the best,” Finn sighed. “She’s always nice.”  

“Unlike some people,” Poe grumbled.  

Rey wanted to huff – really, Poe was the worst – but she was pretending to be asleep, so she couldn’t.  

She closed her eyes and went to sleep for real. Listening to this conversation would only put her in a worse mood.  

*  

For a moment, Ben thought the alarm on his cell phone had gone off. There was suddenly music, loud and pounding. Or, rather – someone was pounding on something?  

He sat up, feeling around for his phone. 2:08am.   

His earplugs had fallen out.  

Someone was walking around with a speaker playing something like thrash metal. Ben peered out into the dark. A man was stalking around the campsite, knocking a hunting knife against the trees, the picnic table, the side of the shelter. He started yelling.  

“All you hikers out here, you orange pads, I know what you’re doing! You’re all out here to spy on me! Think you’re so smart, sneaking around, infiltrating the forest. I see you! I’m not gonna be on your tv show, not gonna make me some dumb redneck on tv. Get out of my woods!” The last was punctuated with a wood-on-wood sound. He kept moving around the shelter, rambling and repeating himself.  

Ben sat up and met Poe’s eyes.  

“What the fuck?” Poe mouthed.  

Ben shrugged.  

Kaydel and Finn sat up next.   

“Are we in like… mortal peril here or something?” Kaydel asked, blearily shoving her hair out of her face.  

“I don’t think so,” Poe said. “Seems to just want to annoy us.”  

“Yo, what the hell?” Snap asked, rubbing his eyes. “Shut the fuck up, dude.”  

“It’s some local,” Finn said. “Not a hiker.”  

“Y’all, tell me how Rey is still asleep?” Kaydel asked, looking down at Rey’s sleeping form, curled up into a tight ball.  

“Is she breathing?” Snap craned his neck to see Rey. Ben bristled.  

“She’s fine,” Ben said, maybe with a little more bite than the situation necessitated.   

Their visitor was still ranting in the woods, stomping around the shelter and tent sites nearby.  

Kaydel looked at the rest of the group, disbelieving. “Ok, so this guy is just going to wander around and yell at us and hit stuff with his stick? God, this is so stupid.”  

“This sucks,” Finn commiserated.  

Ben had to agree. He’d slept so much better since he started hiking and got into a good routine. His body was always exhausted and ready to sleep at night. The pitch dark helped too. But this… there was no way he’d be able to sleep through this.  

“Wake me up if this guy turns violent or anything,” Kaydel said, jamming her headphones in her ears. “I’m cranking my White Noise app.”  

Finn groaned in response, burying his head under his sleeping bag.  

“You don’t think he’s going to attack us or something, do you?” Snap asked.   

Poe shrugged. “Who knows.”  

“Shoulda brought a gun,” Snap muttered.  

“You can’t shoot someone for waking you up,” Ben said dismissively. The intruder flashed his light into the shelter and yelled some more.  

“Look, my man, we don’t intend to stay here. We’ll be up and out of here as soon as the sun comes up,” Poe said. “If we promise to leave first thing, can you let us go back to sleep?”  

“No!! Fuck you!” The man yelled. He beat his stick against the picnic table outside the shelter. Abruptly, he turned and bent down. Ben couldn’t quite tell what he was doing in the dark.  

Something clattered against the wood floor of the shelter. Rey sat up.  

“What the hell? Who hit me?” she asked, pushing her hair out of her eyes.  

“Yeah! Get out of here or I’ll smash your skulls in with rocks!” the man shouted.  

“Well, I don’t love the sound of that,” Poe said under his breath.   

“Should we bail or something?” Snap was starting to sound a little panicked.  

“It’s fine,” Rey told him, her voice gravely with sleep. “If he was actually trying to hurt us, he wouldn’t bother warning us.”  

“Is that, like, personal experience with crazy dudes or something?” Snap huffed.  

Rey shrugged. “Kind of.”  

Kaydel sat up again as another rock hit the shelter. “Ok, well, white noise doesn’t help with rocks. Are we just going to sit here and listen to this guy all night?”  

“Fuck no,” Rey said, throwing off her quilt and rolling onto her knees. It was only barely drizzling now — Ben wondered why it rained so much less at night, when they weren’t hiking — so she shoved her feet into Poe’s crocs, crossed her arms tight across her chest against the cold night air, and carefully picked her way over to the man. He was hitting a tree now, a little further away from the shelter.  

“Hey,” she said, her voice tired but steady and calm, “what’s going on?”  

“I know you’re taking over my woods! All you goddamn hikers, moving in, I know you’re filming me! Cameras everywhere, motherfuckers, I’m too smart for you!”  

“Rough,” Rey agreed. “I don’t want to be filmed either.”  

“They’re everywhere, those cameras, man. I’m telling you —“   

Ben watched as Rey continued to talk to the man. Their voices lowered eventually. He stepped into his wet trail runners and stood just at the entrance to the shelter, just in case.  

“What’s she doing?” Snap asked.  

“Talking to him,” Ben replied.   

Snap laughed. “She’s nuts, too.”  

Ben frowned, but Finn replied before he could. “No, she knows what she’s doing. Rey doesn’t do anything stupid.”  

“Well,” Poe said with a smirk, “at least not stuff that would endanger anyone else. She definitely endangers herself, though.”  

“Is she like, some kind of therapist or something?”  

“No.” Finn was getting annoyed with Snap, Ben could tell by his tone. “She’s an engineer. She just… she’s got a lot of life experience, my guy. Like… it’s fine.”  

Ben squinted into the dark. They were still talking, but both of their postures had relaxed. He pulled out his phone and checked for service, keeping one eye on Rey and whatever she was doing.  

It couldn’t have been more than fifteen minutes that they talked, but the silence in the shelter felt like it stretched on forever. Finally, Rey did some complicated handshake with the man and made her way back to the shelter.  

She stepped out of Poe’s crocs and slid back into her bed, shivering. “God, it’s cold tonight.”  

“Are we… not gonna talk about what just happened?” Snap asked.  

“Oh. He’s going to stay but he’ll be over on the other side of the shelter, and he’s going to try to be quiet.”  

“What?” Poe asked.  

Rey yawned. “He wouldn’t leave but he said he’d stay and keep watch, said there’s cameras back behind the shelter or something. I dunno, as long as he’s not throwing rocks, I’m going back to sleep.”  

“And how did you become like… a crazy guy expert?” Snap was looking at Rey, confused.  

“He’s not crazy. Or, I mean, that’s not… like, the right word. We had some regulars who had episodes like this, back when I lived at the junkyard.”  

“I would have never left my room.” Snap shivered. “Scary.”  

“Well, I tried not to. But I got locked out a lot and they usually roamed at night.” Rey yawned again. “Wake me up if he goes off again, though. I’ll go talk to him again.”  

Ben shifted on his sleeping pad, trying to get comfortable. He didn’t think he’d sleep much now. It appeared that the rest of the group wouldn’t either. Rey was the only one trying to sleep.  

“How do we feel about a nearo tomorrow?” Ben asked.  

“Two hands way up,” Finn said, rubbing his face blearily.  

“Is there laundry? Or somewhere I can dry my clothes? I swear I have mushrooms growing on my pack.” Kaydel looked at him with desperate eyes. “I’ll do whatever you want if you find me somewhere to wash my clothes.”  

Ben laughed. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Kay. Laundry is easy.”  

*  

He didn’t sleep much. Their visitor had kept his word – he'd stayed, but he’d been mostly quiet and out of sight. Rey slept the rest of the night. Kaydel and Poe dozed off and on, restlessly flipping on their inflatable sleeping pads. Finn, Ben, and Snap had tossed and turned until eventually, each of their faces were lit up by the dim glow of their phone screens.   

It was a relief when everyone started stirring.  

“You know,” Poe said, returning from the woods for his morning relief, “I think I’ll skip breakfast this morning. Maybe do more of a brunch thing. Just go ahead and pack up and head out.”  

“Agreed,” Finn replied, nodding.  

Ben had organized all his gear during the long, endless night. He was mostly packed already.  

He checked his phone again. It was just 5:45am – they still had some time before the sky lightened up, but they could at least get ready to leave. He needed to talk to the group, but Snap was hovering. It was awkward.  

Finally, Snap headed off towards the privy, toilet paper in hand.  

“So, I did some research last night,” Ben started, once Snap was gone. “If we do want to take a nearo today, do some laundry, catch up on sleep, yadda, yadda, yadda... We can hike 2 miles to a road crossing and a motel shuttle can pick us up there. Already have a room ready for us and everything.”  

“Ooh, aren’t you organized and on top of things this morning,” Kaydel teased.  

“Well, I had plenty of time. Apparently, this guy has done this before. He just hasn’t done it yet this year, so there weren’t any comments in Guthooks.”  

“What’s Guthooks?” Snap asked. He’d snuck up behind Ben somehow. Ben frowned. Surely all thru hikers had heard of Guthook?  

“It’s called FarOut now,” Kaydel said. “They got fancy.”  

“It’s like a GPS thing?” Snap was worming his way into their little circle of hikers.  

“Yeah, for specific trails. You can leave comments on stuff like water sources and shelters.”

“So,” Finn said, refocusing the conversation, “we just got lucky last night.”  

Ben nodded. “Basically. But if you guys are all packed up...?”  

“I’m beyond ready to get out of here,” Kaydel said quietly, glancing back at the shelter. Their visitor was still there, mostly quiet. Rey had spoken with him again once she woke up.  

Ben wasn’t sure what to do about Snap. The guy was nice enough, just... not in their group. He didn’t want to be rude, but he also didn’t want to upset the balance of the trail family.  

He hoped Snap would just drift off somewhere in the next two miles.  

Of course, Ben had no such luck. The guy doggedly trailed them the entire 1.89 miles to the road crossing, then awkwardly stood with them in a gravel parking lot, waiting on Jim from the Greenwood Lake Motel to arrive.   

This was, honestly, what almost any hiker would do in this sort of situation, so it’s not like Ben could really be mad at Snap. But it changed the dynamic, and Ben wasn’t going to pretend it didn’t.  

Then again, considering how badly they’d all been sniping at each other the day before, maybe the dynamic needed to be changed.  

Finn, bless him, was carrying the burden of making Snap feel… not unwelcome. Maybe Finn just really liked talking to strangers.  

Ben watched Rey rub her head again. She’d been quiet all morning, even though she’d slept more than the rest of them combined. She’d been dragging some, too, while they hiked to the road crossing. He frowned. “Are you feeling ok?”  

Rey made a face. “Yeah, I mean… just a little peckish, you know? I... forgot to eat dinner.”  

“Because you were in a snit?” Finn asked.  

Kaydel shoved him. “Tell me one person who wasn’t in a snit last night,” she said.  

Finn glared at her. He opened his mouth, then shut it. It opened again.  

Ben ignored Kaydel and Finn and, instead, considered what was accessible in his pack. He dug around in the outside pocket of his pack. “Sour Patch Kids or protein bar?”  

“Candy! Thanks, Ben, you’re the best!” Rey enthused, happily accepting the small ziplock bag and ignoring the healthier alternative.  

“May I please have a gummy child, Rey?” Kaydel asked, mouth open.  

Rey grinned and tossed one in the air. Kaydel caught it in her mouth.  

“Alright, kids, you got the candy, don’t… if you drop any, you have to eat it,” Ben said. He sounded like his father.  

“Ok, Dad,” Kaydel said, rolling her eyes and laughing.  

“Trail Dad!” Poe said gleefully.  

“Trail Daddy,” Rey corrected. She seemed to have surprised herself with that – she immediately looked up at him and he was fascinated to see a deep blush spread across her cheeks.  

“Ben’s trail name is Trail Daddy,” Finn declared.  

“Absolutely not,” Ben said firmly. “This is not going to be a thing.”  

“Trail Daddy, your Trail Babies are being naughty,” Kaydel said in an over-the-top baby voice.  

“I’ll help you pitch your tent, Trail Daddy,” Poe added.  

“Trail Daddy, I need a tick check,” Rey said innocently.  

“None of you are my Trail Babies,” Ben grumbled. “You’re all just Trail Children, and not in a sexy way.”  

Rey tossed another sour patch kid up in the air, but didn’t manage to catch it. Ben tried not to give her a look, but he’d just told them… he actually didn’t know why he bothered.  

Rey quickly bent down to pick it up, blew it off while making aggressive eye contact, and popped it in her mouth with a grin.  

“Sorry, Trail Daddy,” Rey said cheekily.  

“Christ,” Ben muttered, hoping the shuttle driver would arrive sooner rather than later.