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The Sauce Of Life - A Smutty Comedy?

Summary:

I’ve read a lot of smut in my life. Sadly, most paint Merlin as a whiny bottom who takes everything Arthur gives, desperate for his cock.
That’s not how I see them, so I decided to do something about it.

In this fic Arthur is the desperate bottom, the emotional one, the adorable, tipsy prince.

 

Basically my first fic `The Fluid Of Life`, but the weapons and blood are swapped with something.. different.
A COMEDY!
Well that’s the goal anyway. To make people, especially a specific dragon, laugh about this silly thing while also making them unconsciously lick their lips over the wonderful smut!

Notes:

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Merlin characters or original stories, only the action/‘plot’ of this fanfic. The characters and original storylines belong to BBC.

 

*coughs I DO APOLOGISE FOR ANY OF OUR WONDERFUL ITALIANS THAT I MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT OFFEND WITH THIS (humor guys, I have a special one)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Kissing Merlin here, in the shadows of the hallway, made tingles run up his spine. It was a thrill, not knowing if someone saw them, the possibility of a guard walking towards them.. He was fully hard already and Merlin had done nothing more than kiss him back, leading them both to his chambers. 

 

It was the night of his birthday, the wine in his system the only reason for his bold and confident move of kissing Merlin right here, hungry for anything he was willing to give. 

“Merlin..”, he whispered, wanting more skin to touch, to kiss, more hands to map out his body, to feel. MerlinMerlinMerlin only ever Merlin.

 

Stumbling clumsily into his chambers, almost breaking down the door in the process, they continued kissing wildly, hands trying to be everywhere at once.

Merlin started taking small steps backwards in the direction of the bed, pulling Arthur with him and kissing him fiercely. Needy sounds made its way up his throat, desperate for the things Merlin had promised him all day.

 

Through the cloud of harsh desire they hadn’t seen the intruder in the room who now slowly started to advance on them, eyes fixed on the Prince’s back, mutated carrot in hand and an amused expression on his face. He hadn’t expected it to be quite this easy. To catch the prince tipsy and unguarded, snogging a servant no less, was like finding a gold shitting donkey on the side of the road.

 

In their hunger Merlin hastily stripped Arthur from his jacket, throwing it behind them, pausing when he heard a dull rustling noise. Arthur didn’t seem to care let alone notice it, too invested in trying to unbutton Merlin’s trousers, a task that was completed way easier when sober.

 

As soon as the ‘oomph’ sounded, Merlin shoved Arthur behind him, the clueless oaf falling onto the bed, slipping down and landing on his butt. Pout at the ready and standing up to tell Merlin you don’t just kiss someone senseless and then let them drop onto their (still sore, thank you) ass on their birthday, when he noticed the strange man opposite of them. 

 

“‘put ya in th’ s’ocks for tha’”, Arthur said, pointing at the man. Well he tried to, missing him by around 5 inches.

 

Without looking at him, trying not to laugh at the confused man's face upon hearing a very confident yet mumbled socks out of the Prince’s mouth Merlin replied through clenched teeth, “Arthur, hun?”

 

“Yes Merrl’n?”, this time almost falling forward, gawking at the mouth that had just given him a pet name like it was nothing. 

 

“Shut up.”

 

Struck like a physical blow his knees gave out, flopping back onto the foot of the bed, eyes tearing up. So while a hurt and overly emotional Arthur was busy trying to get over his gigantic crush on his manservant in 87 seconds, Merlin got out his balloon, facing the other guy. 

Axe shaped, pink balloon against carrot. Though the carrot still had its fronds (green flimsy rabbit loving shit), those were not very good odds, right? 

 

He tried taking a swing, planning on hitting him in his right side which Merlin prevented by stepping on the man's foot, using the distraction to slap his balloon axe onto the muscles on his shoulder. One month old tomato soup rushed out the moment he moved his weapon, coating his hand and he watched as the man dropped his sword, deciding to hold onto his arm instead. 

 

Like I said, the odds had been against him.

 

A sob sounding behind him Merlin let the balloon slowly droop to the floor, quickly snapping the guy's neck who had started trying to stop the loss of his half done bolognese sauce, cursing while doing so. When he turned around he saw a sniffling Arthur using the shirt he had been wearing to hide his face.

 

“Arthur?”, talking softly Merlin stepped closer towards the bed, “Love?”

“Don’t hide from me.”, using his clean hand to pull Arthur’s shirt away from him. 

 

Taking his chin and making Arthur look him in the eyes Merlin untied his neckerchief, wiping the tears and snot from those lovely cheeks. Arthur’s eyes latched onto the now bared throat, fingers immediately reaching out to touch, “M’rlin.”, while Merlin’s hand stroked along Arthur’s jawline, hand traveling to the side of his neck and down his chest, leaving an italian murder as colored lines in his wake. 

 

To at least put the body somewhere Arthur can’t see it, Merlin stepped away, letting his hands fall to his sides. Arthur whined at the loss, immediately standing up to go after him. Seeing him being so eager still, made Merlin grin. 

 

He had promised Arthur that they could do whatever he liked, that Merlin would fuck him wherever and however long he wished. The shy Arthur from yesterday who had blushed when asking him if he could be on top, riding Merlin, was gone, in his place the tipsy lovesick dollophead with cheeks pink from crying.

 

“What are you waiting for?”, he said, grinning wider when Arthur closed the gap between them, mouths meeting again, only stopping to take off Merlin’s tunic and their trousers, all carelessly thrown onto the nameless guy’s corpse. Out of sight, out of mind.

 

Turning them around, Merlin chuckled against Arthur’s mouth before letting himself fall onto the mattress. Using his arms as a pillow for his head he relaxed, hungry eyes following Arthur’s every move. 

If Arthur wanted to take his time mapping out all the scars marring his skin, scars he got from protecting him, he would let him and watch him bring himself over the edge untouched. 

 

 

At first he just watched, stared at the divine looking man in front of him, his man, his protector, wanting to imprint every curve, every pinkish, white scar, hair and cell into his mind forever. He knows he doesn’t have to, could see Merlin whenever he wanted, could ask to touch, to feel, every minute of every day, but he also knew that it would never be enough. It would never satisfy the craving need of Merlin woven inside his very being.

 

Then, leaving his boots on the ground, he climbed on the bed, straddling Merlin’s hips. There was no need to hurry, still he could not wait to let his fingers glide over soft, perfect skin, over and over again, until they melted into one, his senses knowing the feel of Merlin more than Arthur.

 

Transfixed by how scars lead into skin and into scars again, he used his fingertips to slowly trace them, more and more of his fingers joining, pressing harder to leave marks in form of thin scratches. As Merlin’s muscles tensed automatically, Arthur’s face came closer and closer, wanting to not only feel, but also taste and smell, not noticing that spit had started to pile up in his mouth, now trickling down the corner of it, dropping right into the center of Nimuhe’s burn mark.

 

The cold spit combined with a pleasant burn of scratches and seeing Arthurs throbbing cock so close to the skin of his belly, precum glinting in the candle light, yet so far away from touching him, from feeling Arthur around him, tightening while he made those pretty sounds, let impatience coil in his stomach.

In a quick show of his want he thrust his hips upwards, letting him feel his dick slide against his ass, getting Arthur successfully out of his thoughts by crashing into Merlin’s chest with his nose. 

Arthur decided to stay there though, content with pressing open mouthed kisses everywhere he could reach, almost as if determined to give the words “getting wet” a whole ‘nother meaning.

 

Feeling Arthur’s hands caressing his sides, cock now touching the trail of hair on his belly while his mouth and teeth continued trailing paths that only Arthur could see, let a deep rumble sound in his chest.

It seemed to travel from Merlin right into Arthur, making him look up and stop, before scratching the skin around his nipples a few times, going over them with his tongue. Hissing at the sudden burn Merlin flexed his fingers under his head, fighting the urge to take control and fuck him right now.

 

Once Arthur was done he put his weight on his knees, inner thighs only lightly touching Merlin’s sides, and examined his work. 

The scratches and teeth marks on Merlin’s chest were a stark contrast to his otherwise pale skin, the letters 

                                            ‘A, R, T, U, R, O, S’ 

therefore easily identifiable. 

(I’m guessing he tried to write his name onto Merlin’s skin, marking him as his for this and all the nights to come. In his drunken excitement he seems to have misspelled it a bit.)

 

Grinning happily, satisfied with what he saw, he sat back, eyes going wide when feeling the hot length slide between his legs, the tip lightly bumping against his balls. 

A short whine escaped him and Arthur shifted his weight again, taking Merlin’s dick in hand to guide it towards his hole. Struggling to get it inside him without proper prepping he supported himself with a hand on Merlin’s chest, right over his self carved mark, to try a new angle. Giving up he looked at Merlin, eyes pleading for help.

This already took long enough and they were both aching to feel the other closer, to be connected more intimately again.

 

Smiling back at Arthur, he took a strand of hair and tucked it out of the way, wanting to see his lover's face fully. While gazing into each other's eyes, Merlin let his glow golden. Knowing they both enjoyed the sting and responding tightening of Arthur’s inner walls, he used his magic to open Arthur up enough for it not to hurt him. 

 

“Pretty..”, Arthur mumbled, stunned, his mouth open in awe, “Again.”

Merlin chuckled and did so, engulfing them both in a sort of golden hue in the process. 

Merlin successfully got his attention back by nudging his entrance, lust again taking root in Arthur’s eyes, not swallowing the awe in them, but mixing it to something new, something that made his stomach flip. 

 

He licked his palm a few times, coating Merlin’s erection in spit, before sinking down hard and fast. It took a few moments to get used to being the one having to do the work, already breathing heavily while trying to move with his weight on shaky legs. 

 

Arthur slowly lifted his hips until letting himself fall down again, both groaning at the amazing feeling, his head falling forwards, trying to create a steady rhythm of bouncing up and down, enjoying the feeling of being in control. 

 

He wanted to evoke another groan from Merlin, the thought of the sound alone making goosebumps crawl up his spine. Staying seated he experimentally pushed his hips for- and then backwards, gasping when it hit his prostate, repeating the motion over and over again, letting Merlin’s dick slide halfway out of him in between. Starting to babble a few incoherent words, more sounds than anything, his brain getting confused between talking and merely thinking until completely giving in to the drag of desire.

 

 

Arthur looked beautiful like this, head falling backwards, stretching his throat while his mouth hung open on a long moan. It drove Merlin insane. His eyes were mostly closed now, focused on the feeling of having Merlin this way, and when sweat started collecting on Arthur’s neck and eyebrows Merlin bit his lower lip to keep from reaching out, from biting, licking and kissing his skin. 

He wanted only to watch, to see Arthur split himself open, looking delicious trying to last as long as possible, but already clenching around Merlin, precum now dripping down his cock.

 

Having Arthur covered and marked in the soup Merlin had put there, Merlin had set free by making the intruder scream MAMMA MIA, and not being the least bit bothered by it, made his heart beat faster, his balls feel tighter.

With his hand he grabbed Arthur’s thigh, squeezing enough to hurt, leaving a handprint in red there too, fascinated with how it made him ride Merlin more urgently.

 

There was something so powerful about allowing someone to use your body for their pleasure, watching them shamelessly grinding down, the pizza sauce of the diminished threat on their front, body lying just behind them, hastily covered in the proof of their fervid passion.

 

 

So when Arthur came on a loud cry, Merlin too moaned deeply, loving the way Arthur’s eyes slowly opened, looking at him through wet eyelashes while his cum coated the marks he had left earlier in white. He wanted to have Arthur look like this every day. Face red and panting, falling forward onto Merlin’s chest, still half hard and throbbing. 

 

The salty smell hit both their senses a moment later and got their energy back up, seeing as Arthur was already nuzzling his neck for another round, not having the strength to ride him any longer despite feeling Merlin hard inside him.

 

Bending his knees, Merlin took hold of Arthur’s shoulders and turned them around swiftly. When Arthur’s head hit the pillows he hummed, pleased with simply getting to rest and enjoy now. 

 

The feast on his chest had mostly dried now, every breath cracking the lines into smaller pieces and creating new patterns, ones that looked suspiciously like a grinning kangaroo. After a while they looked like the ground, the earth, starving for rain the way they were starving for the other.

 

You belong to me, he thought while starting to pound into Arthur like it was his salvation… 

 

Notes:

I hope it could make you smile))

The thought for this fic came to me when seeing second 11 of the following edit
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeDXej2Y/