Chapter Text
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Thursday, 9th October, 2014
It was all Emily’s fault, really. She was too meddlesome for her own good, and she should know better really than to expect such high things from Spencer.
It started on a brisk day in early October. It was a Thursday, and they surprisingly weren’t on a case, all consulting separately at their desks and chatting idly.
Derek had come out of his office to sit in the bullpen with himself, Emily and JJ, discuss cases and whatever else came to mind. He often came to work with them on ‘boring’ days, far too curious for a solitary work environment. He slowed Spencer’s productivity down by six percent, but as he worked sixty-eight percent faster than JJ (who was the second fastest) he figured he could let it go.
It was twelve twenty-six P.M. when Emily suggested that they all head out to get lunch from the deli up the street, and they were wrapping up to brace for the chill outside. Derek had teased Spencer about needing a scarf, but Spencer commented on the temperature being more consistent to a November climate, and got fond smiles and eye rolls in response.
He’d just ordered his sandwich when he got the call, his cell phone buzzing against him in his pocket. He fished it out and accepted the call without thinking, rummaging in his other pocket for his wallet to pay the cashier still waiting.
“Dr. Reid speaking,” He answered absentmindedly, accepting the change and smiling briefly in thanks to the server.
“Do you know how hard you are to track down?” The voice at the end of the line was so familiar it caused him to pause next to where Emily was waiting for her food, standing up straight with a frown.
She eyed him warily, obviously trying to gauge who he was talking to. She then gave him a quizzical look, but Spencer was too distracted to respond, heart thrumming with interest.
“Ethan?” Spencer questioned, surprised but warm and already feeling happy.
“Missed me?” His voice held a smile, and Spencer can’t help but mirror it. Even though he couldn’t physically see it, Ethan’s grin was pretty hard to resist.
“Y-yeah. Of course! Why are you- I mean, what do you need?” Spencer fumbled over his words, trying not to be rude. He probably didn’t need to worry, Ethan always knew what he was trying to say. Emily raised her eyebrows at him, and he felt pink tinge on his cheeks.
“Who says I need something?” Ethan replied nonchalantly.
Spencer handed his ticket to Emily, who was still watching him curiously, and she nodded slightly. Knowing that she’d grab his lunch, he headed outside of the shop so he could focus on the conversation without worrying about his colleagues lingering for information.
“Well if I’m that hard to trace, you won’t have gone to all this trouble just to say hello,” Spencer said definitively, sitting down at one of the metal tables outside the shop window. He placed his bag on his lap, but took the strap off from around his shoulder, smoothing it down to lay flat on top.
“Yeah, why are you so exclusive?” He asked, curiously, and Spencer huffed. Ethan was always good at asking questions and never answering them.
“All you’ve asked me so far are questions and not answered any of mine- it’s annoying.” He heard Ethan laugh, and smiled to himself. It sounded slightly strange over the phone, but it was still warm and bright and took Spencer right back to the library at Caltech, huddled in back tables late at night, hunched over large textbooks.
“Sorry.” He didn’t sound it. After a moment: “Is it a super secret FBI thing?”
“Something like that,” Spencer murmured, turning slightly to see where JJ, Derek and Emily were in the queue to assess how long he had left on the phone. “Can we get onto the purpose of this call?” Spencer asked, and then quickly added, “Not that I’m not pleased to hear from you.”
He hadn’t spoken to Ethan in a while. When he’d gone to New Orleans for the case after Hankel, he’d been so strung out and exhausted he’d not appreciated Ethan in the way he should’ve after all their time apart. He’d visited him again a year later, when he’d had a weekend off, but they’d only managed lunch before he'd got called away on a case. They’d not spoken since.
“Well, I have something to tell you,” Ethan announced, and Spencer didn't respond, because he could hear Ethan rustling. His stomach clenched slightly, expecting the worst-
“I’m moving.”
It hadn’t been what he was expecting in the slightest, and he frowned a little, struggling to see what that had to do with him.
“Er, congratulations?” He replied, feeling awkward. Ethan had always been a free spirit, moving around wasn't particularly unusual for the man.
Ethan snorted in response, “My grandma has been moved to a care home, and all my sisters either have a kid or one on the way, so I’ve offered to move to help her out.”
“That’s great,” Spencer blinked, still not really getting where he was involved in any of this, “I mean, obviously not about her needing to be in a- wait, didn’t your grandparents live in D.C.?”
He didn’t know why he was asking, he was sure of it. Ethan was from San Diego, as was all of his mom's family, but his dad's parents had lived on the east coast all their life. Ethan was supposed to go and live with them during academy training.
“God, I knew that memory of yours was in there somewhere.” He could practically hear Ethan’s smirk, but was too focused on what he’d just said.
Ethan was moving to D.C. D.C. That was where he lived.
“Oh my god,” Was all he could seem to be able to say.
He felt his stomach swoop, but he wasn’t really sure why. His mouth was slightly dry, and he eyed his colleagues in the shop which were now at the front of the queue receiving their lunches.
“Jeez, are you speechless? Have I rendered the great Dr. Reid speechless?” Spencer snapped himself out of it with a small shake of his head, rolling his eyes.
“Shut up,” He muttered, scowling. Ethan laughed again. “I live in D.C.” He didn’t know why he had said that, it was clear that Ethan had assumed as much, and that’s why he was calling.
He wanted Spencer to know that he was moving to the same city. They would be in the same city, with stable jobs, at the same time...
Maybe he was getting ahead of himself, he thought, as heat rose in his cheeks. He desperately willed it to disappear. Ethan couldn’t see him, but he’d always read Spencer so well, and he worried he’d be able to sense his thoughts over the phone. He expected Ethan to make fun of his statement, having been so obvious, but after a pause he heard the other man say:
“I know.” Although it could’ve been mocking, his voice was low and soft, sincere and kind. Spencer felt his stomach jolt again and he licked his dry lips, clearing his throat.
They were both quiet for just a moment. The bell on the shop door broke Spencer out of it.
“Look, I want to tell you more but I have to go,” Ethan interrupted, and for a moment Spencer thought he must know about his own current lack of privacy, “I don’t even know when I’m leaving yet. I just-” Ethan broke off.
Emily, Derek and JJ all came over, smiling. Spencer felt his breath catch on Ethan’s words.
“I wanted to tell you.”
His voice was so soft, Spencer might have missed it if it was any quieter. He felt his chest tighten at the words. They felt special. He tried to keep his face neutral in front of the three profilers that were kindly waiting for him to be done, but he was sure the tips of his ears had gone pink.
“I’ll call you at some point this week, alright?” He sounded slightly rushed now. Spencer kind of wanted to ask where he had to get to.
“Yeah, call me,” He said, although it felt entirely inappropriate for the moment that had just passed.
“Bye, Spencer.”
“Bye.” His reply was partially lost as Ethan hung up. He placed his phone in his pocket and smiled warmly at JJ as she handed him the bag with his turkey sandwich in it.
“Anything interesting?” Derek enquired, curiously. Spencer knew he was fishing for information, and usually Derek was so good at needling stuff out of Spencer, but he wasn’t ready to share this news just yet.
Still he couldn’t keep the smile off his face when he shook his head softly, beginning to walk in step with them down the street.
---
Wednesday, 15th October, 2014
Ethan had called him again the next week, but Spencer had been on a case, working on a preliminary profile with JJ, and missed the call. A text had come through shortly after:
Call me when you have a minute, no rush - E
Ethan didn’t need to sign the text, Spencer had saved his number the evening after the call. He’d memorized the number as well, not that it was hard, just in case he had to call the man on a new phone.
He’d decided to call him back from the motel room the next day, an hour before they were due to head home. It hadn’t been a harder case than usual, but they’d been on a time crunch, so they’d all had very little sleep. He yawned as the phone rang, rubbing his eye with his palm.
“Hey.” Ethan’s voice sounded lethargic. “You got the message?”
“Yes,” Spencer replied, “Have I woken you up?” The case was in Charleston, but the time difference was only an hour, making it twelve minutes past eight in the morning in New Orleans.
“No, I’m just still in bed.” Ethan sounded warm and slightly groggy. Spencer felt his cheeks heat slightly, but he didn’t know why. He tried not to think about what the other man would wear to sleep in.
He definitely didn’t think about how he’d used to sleep in sweatpants and no shirt, silver cross resting tantalizingly on his chest. Spencer coughed, forcing his mind elsewhere. Ethan couldn’t possibly know his train of thoughts, but it was highly inappropriate for a phone call.
“Oh, sorry,” He managed. He stood and began pacing, too pent up to continue sitting helplessly at the end of the mildly uncomfortable bed.
“Don’t be, I’m glad to hear from you. Case go okay?” He sounded genuinely interested, slightly more alert, so Spencer let himself relax slightly and sat on the edge of the table provided in the room.
“As well as they can do.” Three dead before they had got there, but one saved, and the unsub caught alive. He supposed that was as good as it got really.
“You wanted to talk to me?”
“I’m moving on the fifth of November.”
“That’s bonfire night in the UK,” Spencer supplied instantly, although he cringed straight after.
“The day where they burn the catholic guy?” He could hear Ethan’s smile through the phone. Ethan had been raised catholic.
“Amongst other things. They actually-” He cut himself off sharply. “Sorry, not the point of this call. Go on.” He felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment. He had done so well when Ethan had first called last week, and now was back to his usual awkward self spouting out useless information.
“No, tell me.” Spencer paused, waiting for the joke to land, but Ethan remained quiet, his soft breathing the only clue that he hadn’t hung up.
“Well, the day celebrates the day of the failed gunpowder plot set by Guy Fawkes and his partners set to blow up the houses of Parliament and subsequently King James I in an attempt to reinstate Catholicism into England. After, Parliament passed a law which stated that churches had to hold a special service on the fifth to commemorate the foiled plot and to display a distinct anti-Catholic presence.” He paused again to see if Ethan was going to jump in to stop him. He didn’t.
“Nowadays the religious meaning is almost entirely lost but people will hold bonfires where they will create a doll of Guy Fawkes to burn, light fireworks and other festive activities.”
“That’s pretty fucked up.”
Spencer couldn’t help it, he laughed, and his body relaxed even more. Although Ethan used to always listen to him rant, he hadn’t spoken to him this way in a while. He was so frequently told to get to the point by the team (usually for valid reasons) that he was unsure if Ethan was still willing to listen to him ramble.
“No offense, probably won’t be doing any of that stuff when I’ve just moved,” Ethan said, and when Spencer heard the rustling of sheets, he was reminded that Ethan was still in bed.
“I don’t know whether I’ll be in D.C. or not,” Spencer murmured apologetically, “Or I’d offer to help.”
“You can’t know, that’s fine.” Ethan’s voice was so reassuring that Spencer didn’t actually feel bad for a moment. Ethan had that effect on him a lot.
“If I am, I’ll text you,” He promised. He eyed the clock that was in the room, he was supposed to be meeting the team down in the lobby in twenty minutes.
“Sure,” Ethan accepted, easily, “I’ve got a new job lined up already.”
Spencer bit the inside of his cheek and hummed to show that he was listening.
“My friend in D.C. is opening a lounge. He’s asked me to perform five nights a week and then help him out with event management. He’s giving me a bit of free range, so I can play more of my own stuff.”
“That sounds great,” Spencer replied, honestly. When Ethan had first left the academy, Spencer had been shocked. Ethan had always shown so much interest in academics the way Spencer had, quick to learn, eager to prove himself. Now, Spencer couldn’t imagine the man doing anything other than making music.
“You’ll have to come and watch me one night.” Ethan’s voice was slow and smooth, and Spencer’s throat bobbed as he swallowed thickly.
In all the talk, he’d kind of forgotten that Ethan being in the same city was permanent. They’d be seeing each other a lot, hopefully frequently.
“Y-yeah,” He breathed out, stuttering. A beat passed between them over the phone. Spencer couldn’t tell if it was as charged as he felt it was, or if he was just making stuff up. It was hard without actually seeing Ethan.
“Tell me about your apartment,” He requested, pleased that it came out normal.
He tried not to let the fact that Ethan’s new address was only 15 minutes from his own apartment make his heart beat faster.
---
Wednesday, 5th November, 2014
It turned out he was on a case on the fifth. Although they made their way back from Seattle at two P.M., they landed in D.C. at five P.M., meaning Ethan was already moved in. Spencer didn’t know whether to message or not, he didn’t want to bother the man unnecessarily. Whilst it was true that they had a history, it didn’t mean that Ethan had to devote any time to him just because Spencer lived in D.C.
However, they had talked on the phone since Ethan had called the first time to update him about his moving date, with no real purpose in mind other than to just ‘catch up’, as the other man had put it. He wanted to see him in real life, now that they were able to.
He fished his phone out of his pocket before he could doubt himself any further.
I’ve just landed. Did you still want some help?
He grabbed his bag from the overhead cabins, handing JJ her own bag with a small smile. They were all still decompressing after this case, they hadn’t managed to save the latest victim and the mood was subdued at best. He followed Derek off the jet, and felt his phone buzz as they were climbing into the SUVs to head back to Quantico.
Sure.
Spencer worried his lip between his teeth. The logical part of him thought that maybe Ethan was just busy unpacking, and he wasn’t being short for any reason other than efficiency. The other part of him thought that the man didn’t want Spencer there. He was just about to panic about it when another message came through.
I didn’t think I had this much stuff.
Spencer exhaled a small laugh. JJ turned to him with an eyebrow raised, but Spencer pretended not to see her. He relaxed slightly against the seat as a third message arrived.
You have my address - come whenever :)
Spencer responded that he’d be there after finishing his case report, and pocketed his phone. JJ raised an eyebrow again, but Spencer just gave her an awkward smile and looked out of the window at the dark streets. His stomach was tight with anticipation, and he tapped lightly against his knee as they drove.
When they scattered into the office, he pulled out his report and began filling it out as fast as possible whilst trying to still be as precise as he needed. Emily was doing the same to his left, JJ to his right. After about half an hour, Hotch appeared out of his office.
“Go home. Finish this tomorrow.” His voice was kind but didn’t allow room for arguments, and everyone murmured their thanks, standing and shrugging on coats.
“Did you want a lift home, Reid?” Emily asked, throwing her purse over her shoulder and flicking her hair out from under her coat.
Spencer was just packing away his bag, and he considered carefully. Spencer’s apartment was on Emily’s way home. But he wasn’t being dropped off at his own place, and Ethan’s new apartment was actually closer to Emily’s than his own.
“Er, yeah.” He fiddled with his sobriety coin in his pocket. “Could you actually drop me at a friend’s place?” Emily’s eyebrows raised in surprise, and the others that were gathering around to leave turned to look at him.
Spencer tried not to think very hard about the fact that everyone was surprised that he had plans outside of work.
“You could all act less shocked,” He muttered, cheeks going red. A few of them laughed, and he groaned as Derek ruffled his hair from behind.
“Stop it. His place isn’t far from yours,” He said to Emily as he ducked out of Derek’s reach, reaching up to try to fix his hair.
“Sure, not a problem.” They followed everyone else out. Light chatter alerted Spencer that they were no longer focussed on his plans. He didn’t know why he felt so protective of the information that Ethan was now living in D.C. They didn’t know their history, it wasn’t like they could tease him about it.
The main issue was that they were all profilers. If Reid said too much, they’d be able to figure out what Ethan was to him. He wasn’t so sure he was ready to deal with that just yet. He trusted them all, but some things were hard for him to share so publicly. They didn’t even know that he was bisexual yet.
When they were in Emily’s car, heading out of Quantico, she brought it up again.
“Who’s the friend?” She asked, glancing over at him. A slow smirk spread across her lips, “Or are we not allowed to know?”
He thought very hard about how to respond. Out of everyone on the team, he’d had the rockiest start with Emily because of his addiction, however she’d become one of his closest friends since. She was reassuring, easy to talk to and he knew that she’d keep the secrets she knew were important. Out of everyone, he knew he could trust her the most with this. He still couldn’t look at her when he responded, worried she'd instantly figure out what was going through his head, instead looking out the front window.
“Do you remember my friend Ethan that I visited in New Orleans?” He asked, and she hummed in response, “He’s moved to D.C. today.”
She smiled at him, and he couldn't help but smile back, turning his head to look out of his window. He was excited to be in the same city as Ethan again, he found himself genuinely missing the man more often than not. He tried really hard not to look too much into that.
“That’s exciting,” She said encouragingly, and he attempted not to profile her reply, but he did notice the way she shifted her own gaze to his fingers tapping on his legs. He nodded.
Emily didn’t say anything else, focussing again on the road, but he noticed her glancing back at him a few times, trying to catch his eye.
He successfully directed her to Ethan’s apartment block, and when they stopped he made short work of unbuckling his seatbelt and grabbing his bag. It’s cold when he stepped out and so he buttoned his jacket.
“Thank you for dropping me off,” Spencer said awkwardly, adjusting his bag on his shoulder.
“Of course,” She responded, and gave him a knowing look, “Have fun.”
This made him feel slightly like a child being dropped off at a playdate, but he knew that wasn’t the intention, so he gave an awkward wave goodbye and turned to walk up the short staircase to the front door. He pressed the buzzer for Apartment 3B and was let through after a short pause.
He took a deep breath when he knocked on the door, which almost immediately was flung open to reveal Ethan. He was in a white t-shirt and dark jeans, half his hair pinned back with a hair slide. He was around the same height as Spencer, but in the doorway he looked taller.
“Spencer,” He grinned, and Spencer returned it, and before he knew it they’re sharing a hug, tight and friendly. Ethan smelled woodsy and musky, a little like sweat and coffee and something else he can’t place. “Come in.”
When Ethan pulled away, Spencer wished he hadn’t. He pushed all thoughts like that to the back of his mind, focussing on the here and now and not on lingering touches and fond smiles like he used to remember.
Ethan’s apartment was probably around the same size as his own, but it looked a lot bigger due to the lack of stuff, instead a small amount of furniture is dotted around and boxes were strewn about haphazardly. Already it felt very much like Ethan lived here. It was dark but in a comforting way rather than oppressing, and there was music playing from a sound system that’s set up by the tv. He didn’t know what it was, but it was smooth and soft.
Due to the open plan, Spencer could see the evidence of organization already, cookware and crockery having already been moved to the counters of the kitchen, and boxes labeled ‘books’ and ‘CDs’ piled by the couch. His keyboard was already stood in the corner behind a square table.
“It’s nice,” Spencer offered, and Ethan smiled at him, eyes crinkling and dimples showing.
“Thanks. I had no idea what it looked like before I turned up.”
Spencer wished he could have the kind of easy-going confidence Ethan had. When he moved to D.C. he visited the flat three times before deciding to live there. He had inspected every corner, measured the distances to work, the grocery store and the park as well as judging his closest neighbors for dogs and babies that might disturb him.
“I ordered pizzas. Figured you wouldn’t’ve eaten yet,” Ethan said, gesturing to the boxes on the island to the kitchen. The top one was already open, two slices gone.
“I haven’t,” Spencer agreed, and he set his bag down before settling onto the stool and picking up a slice, “Thank you.”
He felt very out of his depth. They had easy going conversations on the phone, but they hadn’t seen each other for a few years, and Spencer wasn’t exactly sure what to talk about. He took a small bite of the food and tried not to wince as it was far too hot for his liking.
Ethan grabbed another slice and took a much larger bite, clearly unbothered by the steam arising from the sauce.
“So, the case go okay?” Ethan asked. He stood on the other side of the island, facing Spencer. His eyes were curious, and so Spencer knew he was actually interested.
“Not really,” Spencer answered, he took another bite and swallowed fast, “Hard.” He was looking down, feeling embarrassed. He didn’t want to lie, it wouldn’t have been fair to the latest victim and the family now mourning them. But there was a part of admitting that they’d struggled, that he had lost, that made him feel very vulnerable.
“I would be surprised if you found any of them easy,” Ethan retorted, and Spencer looked up at him. He was giving Spencer a knowing look, but he was serious. Spencer blinked, not really knowing how to take that in or how to respond.
“We lost a kid,” Spencer admitted, just to see how Ethan would react. It was probably a bit mean, but Spencer couldn’t take it back now.
When Ethan had left the academy, he’d not been able to tell Spencer why he was leaving at the time. Spencer worried that Ethan would struggle to see how what they did was good, when it involved so many horrific things. It felt childish, but he wanted Ethan to approve of what he did.
“Did you do everything you could?” Ethan countered, strangely calm.
“I’d like to think so,” Spencer murmured, eyebrows knitting together.
“Well, then that’s not your fault then, is it?” He smiled softly at Spencer, and Spencer smiled back, ducking his head from the eyesight. Although he knew it logically, and the team knew it, hearing others validate that sometimes life and death was just out of their control was reassuring.
They ate without talking for a few minutes, the music keeping the silence from being awkward.
Spencer washed his hands when he was done, and turned to find no towel to dry them with. He glanced towards Ethan, who dropped his pizza crust into the box with a sigh.
“Jesus, I don’t even know where they are,” Ethan muttered apologetically, turning towards a stack of boxes by the door across the room, wiping his own hands on his jeans. Spencer cringed to his back at the gesture, but didn’t say anything. A moment later a small towel was tossed his way.
He dried his hands on the towel that was provided, and hung it over the oven handle.
“What did you need help with?” He asked, eyeing the mess warily.
“Books?” Ethan asked, gesturing to the few boxes behind the couch, “Figure that’s your area of expertise.”
Spencer grinned at the joke, opening up one of the boxes. The books were stacked leaving no spare space, but in no particular order.
“Do you have a system?” He asked, picking the top one up. It was The Hobbit, well worn and faded.
Ethan snickered, and Spencer looked up to see the man beginning to sort through his pots and pans, bending behind the island to put them away.
“No.”
Spencer frowned. Was he just supposed to put them on the shelves at random? No separation between fiction and non-fiction? He set the book down, and the next one was an autobiography. The next was a recipe book. The banging from the kitchen stopped.
“Make a system if you like. Makes no difference to me,” Ethan shrugged, then grabbed a set of plates to put them in an overhead cupboard.
Having been given permission to exercise precise control, he began separating the books into fiction and non-fiction, and then sub categorized them into genres. The bookcase was wide, metal and wood, and had enough room for the categories to be alphabetised without merging into one another.
They chatted idly whilst they worked, and after finishing the bookcase Spencer moved onto CDs, also organizing them to his own satisfaction. After a while, the boxes had dwindled down, and Ethan came to sit on the floor in front of the couch next to him, sighing.
He had a bottle of beer, and he took a swig. He offered it to Spencer, who shook his head softly, continuing to stack the CDs.
“I thought we were attempting to clean up the mess, not make more?” Ethan queried, and Spencer could tell without looking at him that he was smiling. He flipped a case over, and then put it on the pile closest to him.
“I have a system,” He countered, “I would explain it to you but you won’t stick to it anyway.”
“We can’t all be type A control freaks,” Ethan replied after taking another swig.
Spencer began stacking the CDs in the bottom of the bookcase according to his system. He could feel Ethan's eyes on him and tried not to focus too much on it, instead pretending that it didn’t bother him.
“You call it type A, I call it a sensible way to live.” Ethan laughed, and Spencer finished his work, settling back beside him on the floor. They weren't touching, but Ethan felt very close.
He set his head back on the couch, tiredness suddenly overcoming him. He turned his head to look at Ethan, and was surprised to find the man already looking at him. If he was concerned about being caught watching Spencer, he didn’t show it, instead the corner of his mouth ticked up and he took another drink.
“Done for today?” Spencer asked quietly. He’s not done very much that is actually useful, considering Ethan didn’t want or need an organizational system for his books and music, but there was only so much someone who didn’t live there could do.
“Yeah,” Ethan murmured, “Thanks for helping.” He was still looking very intently at Spencer, and he felt his chest constrict. He forced himself to look away from the other man, and pulled his legs up to loop his arms around them.
“I didn’t do very much,” He smiled to himself, and distantly heard the song change over. It was slower than the one before.
“You’re here,” Ethan said instantly.
Ethan was always so honest. He felt things so intensely, and wore his heart on his sleeve. Spencer didn’t ever need to ever guess what Ethan was feeling, the other man wasn’t afraid of showing his emotions.
It spooked Spencer a little bit, it always had done. He’d never been a particularly open person, even if everyone at the BAU could read him like an open book. He didn’t like sharing, too worried, overthinking everything.
Ethan knocked his knee against Spencer’s, and Spencer turned to him again.
“Thank you,” Ethan said lowly again, and this time Spencer just smiled, knocking his own knee back.
---
Friday, 14th November, 2014
Emily next asked him about Ethan about a week later, on the jet on the way home from a case. Hotch was completing files at the other end of the cabin, Rossi sat next to him, JJ was sleeping, and Derek had his headphones on.
She came to sit next to him, and he looked up from his book briefly, offering a small smile.
“So, how was your evening with Ethan?” She asked, and although her voice was soft he still glanced nervously at the other team members to see if they were listening.
“Good,” He answered simply, shrugging. He couldn’t help but let a small smile play on his lips as he did so, as usually happened when he spoke about Ethan.
She grinned at him, and he felt his cheeks rise with heat. He desperately willed it to go away, but Emily was a very good profiler, and she chuckled under her breath.
“Shut up, it’s not like that,” He muttered, and then turned the page of his book.
“Okay,” She agreed, taking a sip out of her mug, but she was smirking.
Spencer pretended to read for a little while, mind racing. Whilst he didn’t want the entire team to know about Ethan just yet, he did want someone to know. Emily, who already knew Ethan was in DC, could know he was bisexual. She herself had come out to the team seven months ago, so she probably understood his need for privacy.
“Ethan and I were-” He broke off, swallowing around the lump in his throat. He didn’t really know how to describe what Ethan and he used to be. “We- before- it wasn’t platonic,” He settled on, feeling his cheeks flame again.
He dared a glance at her, and she was still smiling, but this time it was kind and understanding.
“I understand, Reid.” She placed a hand on his wrist that was clutching the book very tightly. He loosened his grip a little at the gentle touch, “Thank you for telling me.”
---
Monday, 17th November, 2014
They surprisingly had the rest of the weekend off. Spencer spent his Sunday doing his laundry, catching up on his reading, going grocery shopping and cleaning. Ethan messaged him periodically throughout the day, spending the day settling his grandma into the care home.
Spencer responded almost immediately each time, hungry for more contact. Ethan had asked him to dinner (provided he was in the city) on Friday, and it had made Spencer very nervous.
Spencer had spent a lot of the past few years wondering if he still loved Ethan, but he knew even now that Ethan was special. They had not been serious, in the sense that they’d never defined what they were to each other, but the academic rivalry that they’d engaged in had transformed into something romantic. Spencer had really liked him, that’s all he’d known, and then Ethan had dropped out of the Academy, and that was that.
But, they’d had an unspoken agreement before. Spencer, having never been romantically involved with anyone before, and required structure in every single part of his life, had been deeply puzzled by this. He’d asked Ethan one day what they were, and Ethan had just responded with a smile, gave him a long kiss, and then said "did that clear things up?".
Which, it hadn’t.
They were exclusive, they’d discussed that. They had dates, but mostly they were at their shared apartment or in libraries or labs, both of them far too busy for actual dates. Similarly, they has been seventeen, so any dates they did have consisted of movies, take out, study sessions and joint projects.
The only way Spencer had known that they were involved romantically was because they’d started kissing, sharing a bed, and having sex. They'd been each other's only close friend at college, and every attempt Spencer had made to try and identify what they were to each other had been almost immediately shut down. He'd figured a lot of the nuances to their relationship from context clues, which he'd pieced together over the course of their years spent together at college.
He still wasn’t sure if he could say that Ethan had been his boyfriend. They’d lived together for two years, and had been engaging in romantic or sexual acts before that, but had never discussed it.
It was for this reason that he couldn’t say if the invite to dinner on Friday was intended to be anything more than friends catching up. He didn’t know how to ask without making things incredibly awkward. If it was meant to be a date, that just highlighted how incredibly out of depth Spencer was, and he didn’t want Ethan to know that. If it wasn’t meant to be a date, then he would literally die of embarrassment at having to be told that it wasn't.
He knew he had to ask someone their opinion, but it was so unnatural for him to bring this up he almost cringed. Emily was once again his most likely option, seeing as she already knew about Ethan and their history.
He had to do it without risk of the others finding out, as he didn’t think he’d be able to cope if the others gave him dating advice. Derek would be insufferable, JJ and Penelope wouldn’t leave him alone until he told them everything, and Hotch and Rossi would automatically assume it was a woman, making the whole situation more uncomfortable than it already was going to be.
His Monday morning started in the office, and as usual he was the second person in. Hotch nodded at him as he passed to his office, like usual, and Spencer got to work starting on his consults. His leg bounced nervously for the upcoming conversation all morning, and it wasn’t until JJ left to pick up her lunch that he got his chance.
“What’s up with you this morning?” Emily asked, leaning back in her chair.
He stopped writing, but didn’t look at her. He licked his lips and tried to build up the courage to just come out with it.
“Seriously, you’re all jittery and you’ve only had one cup of coffee which is so unlike-”
“I need to ask your opinion on something,” He cut her off, and she raised an eyebrow at him, twirling her pen around her fingers.
He looked around the bullpen quickly, before leaning closer to her. Her desk was the other side of his, so it wouldn’t look like they were discussing anything more than work.
“Shoot,” She said, pushing herself forward in her chair so she was bent towards him as well.
“Ethan asked me to dinner on Friday,” He stated, and watched as the corner of Emily’s mouth ticked up.
“You want my opinion on that?” She asked, “No offense, Spence, but I think you’re old enough to go to dinner on your own.”
He glared at her, and she giggled, eyes twinkling.
“I don’t know whether it’s meant to be a date or not,” He mumbled, feeling his cheeks burn with embarrassment.
Her eyes softened, and she hummed, nodding.
Emily was always very good at making him feel less like a social failure, always willing to listen to him, and to understand where the line was between being able to tease him or not.
“Well,” She considered, “Do you want it to be?”
He shifted his gaze around the bullpen which was still working at the usual speed, before settling back on her, and nodding slightly. She smiled at him.
“Then I say just see where it goes,” She shrugged. “You guys are already friends, the dating part will just feel like an extension of that.”
He frowned. That didn’t seem particularly clear. Whilst ‘dating’ was a relationship stage that had never been particularly clear to Spencer, the rules for which were too vague to create a solid process to follow, he knew that being in a relationship, or being romantically involved with someone was based on a mutual understanding of trust and affection.
Before he could ask, or Emily could explain, JJ came back. They both went back to their work, and Spencer tried to squash the nerves that arose when he thought about Friday night.
---
Monday, 24th November, 2014
As it turned out, his worries were for nothing, as they were on a case. Called out to a very cold small town in Ohio late on Thursday for a serial rapist and murderer. The unsub was leaving flower petals at the dumpsites, and Spencer managed to point out that the flowers all had different meanings including apologies, forgiveness and love.
He had messaged Ethan on Friday morning when it was beginning to look like he wouldn’t be back in time for their dinner, the unsub still unknown to them.
Hey, I’m sorry but I’m still on this case in Ohio. I don’t think I’ll be able to make dinner tonight. Can we reschedule?
He’d chewed his lip as he typed, feeling guilt tighten in his chest. What if Ethan got annoyed? Although Spencer didn’t usually have any issues with the times and length of the case demands, he knew that others on the team often struggled to adjust their personal lives to fit. Is this how they felt constantly when trying to organize their lives? He hated it.
Hi. No worries, you focus on your job. I’ll see you when you get back, let me know when you’re coming home.
Ethan had always been understanding. Spencer put it down to being a pretty relaxed man. He couldn’t relate, he’d always been an overthinker.
“Sorry about your dinner,” Emily had said to him in the car on the way to one of the victims houses.
He shrugged, and took a sip of his coffee even though it was too hot still. She was glancing over more frequently than usual, and he kind of wanted to tell her to just keep her eyes on the road.
“He understood.”
They caught the unsub, delirious and sobbing over his newest kidnapped victim not long after. They’d managed to save her, and take him into custody, not before he handed her a single red rose with a profession of undying love.
On the jet back home, he had messaged Ethan that he was finally on his way back, like he had asked.
What time are you landing?
Spencer frowned, and then checked his watch.
Approximately 8:02. Why?
The other man didn’t respond, so Spencer pocketed his phone and picked up his book again, although his mind kept drifting. After only forty minutes on the jet, they had landed, and Spencer was grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder.
He yawned, and JJ behind him did the same, before grinning at him.
“I’m going to sleep well tonight,” She acknowledged as they came out of the airport, fluorescent lights blurring into warm streetlamps as they headed in the direction of the black SUVs waiting for them. Derek and Emily followed them, with Hotch and Rossi bringing up the rear.
“You’re not going to spend your night off partying?” Derek asked, smirking.
JJ laughed, reaching up to smooth her already spotless hair back.
“Not tonight, sorry Derek.”
Spencer gazed out at the car park, and it was only as Derek began to speak again that he noticed a familiar worn truck not far from the SUVs, a silhouette in front of it.
“What about you, pretty boy-” Spencer stopped abruptly in his tracks, causing Derek to bump into the back of him with a soft ‘oof’. “Spencer-” Derek started with a questioning tone, but was quickly interrupted.
“Oh my god,” He breathed, cutting Derek off, because standing, leaning up against the truck was Ethan, smiling at him.
He was wearing casual clothes, a t-shirt and jeans, hair hanging freely down, but curled and effortlessly cool. One of his heavy boots was crossed over the other at the ankle, and his hands were in the pockets of his black jacket.
“Oh my god,” He said again, and Emily came up to stand next to him.
“Is that-”
“Yes,” He rasped, feeling his chest tighten.
What was he doing here? He was clearly here for Spencer, but they hadn’t had anything planned. All Spencer could think about was the fact that he was in clothes that he’d been wearing for over fifteen hours, his breath smelt like stale coffee and he still had to finish his case report.
“What is he doing here?” He asked Emily, not bothering to keep the panic out of his voice.
“I imagine he’s here to see you,” She replied with a knowing tone, turning to grin at him. Spencer couldn’t look back at her, trying desperately to think about what to say or do.
Ethan began moving towards them, and in too short an amount of time for him to figure out what was going on, he stood in front of him.
“Hey.” His voice was warm, and Spencer literally couldn’t think straight because he’d been hit with the smell of the other man's body wash.
“Hi,” Was all he could muster up, gripping the case file in his hands so hard he worried he might actually shred it in two.
“I hope you don’t mind me turning up,” Ethan sounded a little bashful, “I just thought since we didn’t manage dinner yesterday we could go out now.”
Spencer felt his cheeks warm, and hoped it was too dark around for anyone to notice. All of the team were watching and listening, he was sure of it. He cleared his throat.
“I-I, yeah, I have-”
“He’d love to,” Emily cut in, and Spencer flushed all over again.
What was wrong with him? He needed to pull himself together, and fast, before everyone here, including Ethan, knew exactly how he was feeling before he himself did.
“I- I have my report,” He stammered, breaking his gaze from Ethan to look down at it.
“I’ll do that,” Emily responded instantly, plucking it out of his hands, “I put four on your desk last week, so I owe you.”
He nodded, and tried not to look at JJ or Derek, who were both looking on with raised eyebrows. He could see Rossi smirking, and Hotch’s careful gaze.
“Oh, okay,” He said tentatively, “I guess, let’s go?” He glanced back to Ethan, who was still watching him.
Ethan smiled again, all teeth, and swept his hand through his hair.
“Great.” He waited for Spencer to begin walking, falling in step with him, but kept his hands in his pockets.
His stomach was in knots, and he turned his head back to look desperately at Emily for some help as to what to do, but all she did was grin and give him a thumbs up, before he had to turn back around to look at where he was going.
He clambered into the passenger side of Ethan's truck, heart beating rapidly inside his chest. Ethan turned the key in the ignition, and the engine rumbled to life beneath them.
“How does Chinese food sound?” He asked, as music started to softly play from the radio, and he buckled his seatbelt.
“Perfect,” Spencer breathed, following Ethan and fastening his own seatbelt.
Ethan smiled at him, and Spencer felt his stomach swoop, before turning away.
He was so screwed.
---
Monday, 24th November, 2014
They weren’t anywhere fancy, which Spencer was thankful for. So far, the evening hadn’t been very different from what they’d usually do, except this time it was in a restaurant instead of at one of their apartments, or meeting briefly for coffee. Although, he did have to factor in that this was only the third time they were seeing each other since Ethan had moved to D.C.
Ethan wasn’t wearing anything so significant to indicate that he wanted to look nicer, although Spencer could tell he had made the effort to style his hair. It was hard to judge, because in Spencer’s opinion, the other man always looked good.
They’d chatted about the case in Ohio, and Ethan had told him about how his grandma was getting on in the new care home, as well as his first few nights playing in the new lounge. Spencer had spent a brief, embarrassing few minutes explaining the Americanisation of Chinese food, before cutting himself off.
Ethan had smiled at him very widely, and told him to keep going, and so Spencer had, eagerly.
He was having a nice time, he found, as they were finishing up their food. Usually after a long case he spent the time on his own, trying to unwind and turn his brain off. It was nice to be able to decompress with someone else who knew him well.
He still wasn’t sure if this was meant to be a date, but if it was, he thought it was going fairly well. Ethan decided to pay, telling Spencer he could get the next one, and then suggested they walk two blocks down to get ice cream before calling it a night.
He still didn’t initiate any contact, but he couldn’t help but notice that Ethan walked slightly closer to him than other people did. That might just be who Ethan was as a person, however. He frowned. He needed to see Ethan interact with some of his other friends to discern what was unusual behavior for the man.
They had been walking for five minutes when Ethan had brought it up.
“I’m glad that things aren’t weird.” His tone was casual, but Spencer couldn’t help but be confused by the words. “I was worried, after everything.”
After what? After their previous relationship, whatever it was? When Spencer had visited Ethan in New Orleans a few years ago, he had worried that Ethan had resented him for staying on at the academy, but he’d never worried that things would be awkward between the two.
When Ethan had spoken to him after the Hankel case, he’d been reassured that despite what their relationship was, Ethan was someone who understood Spencer.
“Look,” Ethan said, stopping and pulling at Spencer’s arm to get him to stop as well. Spencer had clearly taken too long to respond to his statements.
“I don’t want to force anything, okay?”
Oh. So, not a date.
“Oh, right,” Spencer managed, feeling disappointment rise in his chest. Ethan was looking at him very carefully, but still had a small smile on his face. He masked his own feelings with a small smile.
“It’s just, we were what we were then.” He took a breath. “We can be what we are now, you know?”
Spencer didn’t. He tried hard to school his features to not show how utterly out of his depth he felt in the moment.
“Sure,” He said anyway.
“I just don’t want to mess anything up,” Ethan continued, and that’s when Spencer realized that the man was actually nervous. He felt his confusion deepen, “I really like our friendship, and I wouldn’t want to jeopardize that. We go at your pace and let things happen naturally, okay?”
Spencer did understand that. He found it hard to make friends with people who genuinely like him for who he is, and keep those friendships. He didn’t want to lose Ethan in that capacity either.
If that was the only way he could have Ethan, he was fine with that.