Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

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Thursday, 9th October, 2014

It was all Emily’s fault, really. She was too meddlesome for her own good, and she should know better really than to expect such high things from Spencer.

It started on a brisk day in early October. It was a Thursday, and they surprisingly weren’t on a case, all consulting separately at their desks and chatting idly.

Derek had come out of his office to sit in the bullpen with himself, Emily and JJ, discuss cases and whatever else came to mind. He often came to work with them on ‘boring’ days, far too curious for a solitary work environment. He slowed Spencer’s productivity down by six percent, but as he worked sixty-eight percent faster than JJ (who was the second fastest) he figured he could let it go.

It was twelve twenty-six P.M. when Emily suggested that they all head out to get lunch from the deli up the street, and they were wrapping up to brace for the chill outside. Derek had teased Spencer about needing a scarf, but Spencer commented on the temperature being more consistent to a November climate, and got fond smiles and eye rolls in response.

He’d just ordered his sandwich when he got the call, his cell phone buzzing against him in his pocket. He fished it out and accepted the call without thinking, rummaging in his other pocket for his wallet to pay the cashier still waiting.

“Dr. Reid speaking,” He answered absentmindedly, accepting the change and smiling briefly in thanks to the server.

“Do you know how hard you are to track down?” The voice at the end of the line was so familiar it caused him to pause next to where Emily was waiting for her food, standing up straight with a frown.

She eyed him warily, obviously trying to gauge who he was talking to. She then gave him a quizzical look, but Spencer was too distracted to respond, heart thrumming with interest.

“Ethan?” Spencer questioned, surprised but warm and already feeling happy.

“Missed me?” His voice held a smile, and Spencer can’t help but mirror it. Even though he couldn’t physically see it, Ethan’s grin was pretty hard to resist.

“Y-yeah. Of course! Why are you- I mean, what do you need?” Spencer fumbled over his words, trying not to be rude. He probably didn’t need to worry, Ethan always knew what he was trying to say. Emily raised her eyebrows at him, and he felt pink tinge on his cheeks.

“Who says I need something?” Ethan replied nonchalantly.

Spencer handed his ticket to Emily, who was still watching him curiously, and she nodded slightly. Knowing that she’d grab his lunch, he headed outside of the shop so he could focus on the conversation without worrying about his colleagues lingering for information.

“Well if I’m that hard to trace, you won’t have gone to all this trouble just to say hello,” Spencer said definitively, sitting down at one of the metal tables outside the shop window. He placed his bag on his lap, but took the strap off from around his shoulder, smoothing it down to lay flat on top.

“Yeah, why are you so exclusive?” He asked, curiously, and Spencer huffed. Ethan was always good at asking questions and never answering them.

“All you’ve asked me so far are questions and not answered any of mine- it’s annoying.” He heard Ethan laugh, and smiled to himself. It sounded slightly strange over the phone, but it was still warm and bright and took Spencer right back to the library at Caltech, huddled in back tables late at night, hunched over large textbooks.

“Sorry.” He didn’t sound it. After a moment: “Is it a super secret FBI thing?”

“Something like that,” Spencer murmured, turning slightly to see where JJ, Derek and Emily were in the queue to assess how long he had left on the phone. “Can we get onto the purpose of this call?” Spencer asked, and then quickly added, “Not that I’m not pleased to hear from you.”

He hadn’t spoken to Ethan in a while. When he’d gone to New Orleans for the case after Hankel, he’d been so strung out and exhausted he’d not appreciated Ethan in the way he should’ve after all their time apart. He’d visited him again a year later, when he’d had a weekend off, but they’d only managed lunch before he'd got called away on a case. They’d not spoken since.

“Well, I have something to tell you,” Ethan announced, and Spencer didn't respond, because he could hear Ethan rustling. His stomach clenched slightly, expecting the worst-

“I’m moving.”

It hadn’t been what he was expecting in the slightest, and he frowned a little, struggling to see what that had to do with him. 

“Er, congratulations?” He replied, feeling awkward. Ethan had always been a free spirit, moving around wasn't particularly unusual for the man.

Ethan snorted in response, “My grandma has been moved to a care home, and all my sisters either have a kid or one on the way, so I’ve offered to move to help her out.”

“That’s great,” Spencer blinked, still not really getting where he was involved in any of this, “I mean, obviously not about her needing to be in a- wait, didn’t your grandparents live in D.C.?”

He didn’t know why he was asking, he was sure of it. Ethan was from San Diego, as was all of his mom's family, but his dad's parents had lived on the east coast all their life. Ethan was supposed to go and live with them during academy training.

“God, I knew that memory of yours was in there somewhere.” He could practically hear Ethan’s smirk, but was too focused on what he’d just said.

Ethan was moving to D.C. D.C. That was where he lived.

“Oh my god,” Was all he could seem to be able to say.

He felt his stomach swoop, but he wasn’t really sure why. His mouth was slightly dry, and he eyed his colleagues in the shop which were now at the front of the queue receiving their lunches.

“Jeez, are you speechless? Have I rendered the great Dr. Reid speechless?” Spencer snapped himself out of it with a small shake of his head, rolling his eyes.

“Shut up,” He muttered, scowling. Ethan laughed again. “I live in D.C.” He didn’t know why he had said that, it was clear that Ethan had assumed as much, and that’s why he was calling.

He wanted Spencer to know that he was moving to the same city. They would be in the same city, with stable jobs, at the same time...

Maybe he was getting ahead of himself, he thought, as heat rose in his cheeks. He desperately willed it to disappear. Ethan couldn’t see him, but he’d always read Spencer so well, and he worried he’d be able to sense his thoughts over the phone. He expected Ethan to make fun of his statement, having been so obvious, but after a pause he heard the other man say:

“I know.” Although it could’ve been mocking, his voice was low and soft, sincere and kind. Spencer felt his stomach jolt again and he licked his dry lips, clearing his throat.

They were both quiet for just a moment. The bell on the shop door broke Spencer out of it.

“Look, I want to tell you more but I have to go,” Ethan interrupted, and for a moment Spencer thought he must know about his own current lack of privacy, “I don’t even know when I’m leaving yet. I just-” Ethan broke off.

Emily, Derek and JJ all came over, smiling. Spencer felt his breath catch on Ethan’s words.

“I wanted to tell you.”

His voice was so soft, Spencer might have missed it if it was any quieter. He felt his chest tighten at the words. They felt special. He tried to keep his face neutral in front of the three profilers that were kindly waiting for him to be done, but he was sure the tips of his ears had gone pink.

“I’ll call you at some point this week, alright?” He sounded slightly rushed now. Spencer kind of wanted to ask where he had to get to.

“Yeah, call me,” He said, although it felt entirely inappropriate for the moment that had just passed.

“Bye, Spencer.”

“Bye.” His reply was partially lost as Ethan hung up. He placed his phone in his pocket and smiled warmly at JJ as she handed him the bag with his turkey sandwich in it.

“Anything interesting?” Derek enquired, curiously. Spencer knew he was fishing for information, and usually Derek was so good at needling stuff out of Spencer, but he wasn’t ready to share this news just yet.

Still he couldn’t keep the smile off his face when he shook his head softly, beginning to walk in step with them down the street.

---

Wednesday, 15th October, 2014

Ethan had called him again the next week, but Spencer had been on a case, working on a preliminary profile with JJ, and missed the call. A text had come through shortly after:

Call me when you have a minute, no rush - E

Ethan didn’t need to sign the text, Spencer had saved his number the evening after the call. He’d memorized the number as well, not that it was hard, just in case he had to call the man on a new phone.

He’d decided to call him back from the motel room the next day, an hour before they were due to head home. It hadn’t been a harder case than usual, but they’d been on a time crunch, so they’d all had very little sleep. He yawned as the phone rang, rubbing his eye with his palm.

“Hey.” Ethan’s voice sounded lethargic. “You got the message?”

“Yes,” Spencer replied, “Have I woken you up?” The case was in Charleston, but the time difference was only an hour, making it twelve minutes past eight in the morning in New Orleans.

“No, I’m just still in bed.” Ethan sounded warm and slightly groggy. Spencer felt his cheeks heat slightly, but he didn’t know why. He tried not to think about what the other man would wear to sleep in.

He definitely didn’t think about how he’d used to sleep in sweatpants and no shirt, silver cross resting tantalizingly on his chest. Spencer coughed, forcing his mind elsewhere. Ethan couldn’t possibly know his train of thoughts, but it was highly inappropriate for a phone call.

“Oh, sorry,” He managed. He stood and began pacing, too pent up to continue sitting helplessly at the end of the mildly uncomfortable bed.

“Don’t be, I’m glad to hear from you. Case go okay?” He sounded genuinely interested, slightly more alert, so Spencer let himself relax slightly and sat on the edge of the table provided in the room.

“As well as they can do.” Three dead before they had got there, but one saved, and the unsub caught alive. He supposed that was as good as it got really.

“You wanted to talk to me?”

“I’m moving on the fifth of November.”

“That’s bonfire night in the UK,” Spencer supplied instantly, although he cringed straight after.

“The day where they burn the catholic guy?” He could hear Ethan’s smile through the phone. Ethan had been raised catholic.

“Amongst other things. They actually-” He cut himself off sharply. “Sorry, not the point of this call. Go on.” He felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment. He had done so well when Ethan had first called last week, and now was back to his usual awkward self spouting out useless information.

“No, tell me.” Spencer paused, waiting for the joke to land, but Ethan remained quiet, his soft breathing the only clue that he hadn’t hung up.

“Well, the day celebrates the day of the failed gunpowder plot set by Guy Fawkes and his partners set to blow up the houses of Parliament and subsequently King James I in an attempt to reinstate Catholicism into England. After, Parliament passed a law which stated that churches had to hold a special service on the fifth to commemorate the foiled plot and to display a distinct anti-Catholic presence.” He paused again to see if Ethan was going to jump in to stop him. He didn’t.

“Nowadays the religious meaning is almost entirely lost but people will hold bonfires where they will create a doll of Guy Fawkes to burn, light fireworks and other festive activities.”

“That’s pretty fucked up.”

Spencer couldn’t help it, he laughed, and his body relaxed even more. Although Ethan used to always listen to him rant, he hadn’t spoken to him this way in a while. He was so frequently told to get to the point by the team (usually for valid reasons) that he was unsure if Ethan was still willing to listen to him ramble.

“No offense, probably won’t be doing any of that stuff when I’ve just moved,” Ethan said, and when Spencer heard the rustling of sheets, he was reminded that Ethan was still in bed.

“I don’t know whether I’ll be in D.C. or not,” Spencer murmured apologetically, “Or I’d offer to help.”

“You can’t know, that’s fine.” Ethan’s voice was so reassuring that Spencer didn’t actually feel bad for a moment. Ethan had that effect on him a lot.

“If I am, I’ll text you,” He promised. He eyed the clock that was in the room, he was supposed to be meeting the team down in the lobby in twenty minutes.

“Sure,” Ethan accepted, easily, “I’ve got a new job lined up already.”

Spencer bit the inside of his cheek and hummed to show that he was listening.

“My friend in D.C. is opening a lounge. He’s asked me to perform five nights a week and then help him out with event management. He’s giving me a bit of free range, so I can play more of my own stuff.”

“That sounds great,” Spencer replied, honestly. When Ethan had first left the academy, Spencer had been shocked. Ethan had always shown so much interest in academics the way Spencer had, quick to learn, eager to prove himself. Now, Spencer couldn’t imagine the man doing anything other than making music.

“You’ll have to come and watch me one night.” Ethan’s voice was slow and smooth, and Spencer’s throat bobbed as he swallowed thickly.

In all the talk, he’d kind of forgotten that Ethan being in the same city was permanent. They’d be seeing each other a lot, hopefully frequently.

“Y-yeah,” He breathed out, stuttering. A beat passed between them over the phone. Spencer couldn’t tell if it was as charged as he felt it was, or if he was just making stuff up. It was hard without actually seeing Ethan.

“Tell me about your apartment,” He requested, pleased that it came out normal.

He tried not to let the fact that Ethan’s new address was only 15 minutes from his own apartment make his heart beat faster.

---

Wednesday, 5th November, 2014

It turned out he was on a case on the fifth. Although they made their way back from Seattle at two P.M., they landed in D.C. at five P.M., meaning Ethan was already moved in. Spencer didn’t know whether to message or not, he didn’t want to bother the man unnecessarily. Whilst it was true that they had a history, it didn’t mean that Ethan had to devote any time to him just because Spencer lived in D.C.

However, they had talked on the phone since Ethan had called the first time to update him about his moving date, with no real purpose in mind other than to just ‘catch up’, as the other man had put it. He wanted to see him in real life, now that they were able to.

He fished his phone out of his pocket before he could doubt himself any further.

I’ve just landed. Did you still want some help?

He grabbed his bag from the overhead cabins, handing JJ her own bag with a small smile. They were all still decompressing after this case, they hadn’t managed to save the latest victim and the mood was subdued at best. He followed Derek off the jet, and felt his phone buzz as they were climbing into the SUVs to head back to Quantico.

Sure.

Spencer worried his lip between his teeth. The logical part of him thought that maybe Ethan was just busy unpacking, and he wasn’t being short for any reason other than efficiency. The other part of him thought that the man didn’t want Spencer there. He was just about to panic about it when another message came through.

I didn’t think I had this much stuff.

Spencer exhaled a small laugh. JJ turned to him with an eyebrow raised, but Spencer pretended not to see her. He relaxed slightly against the seat as a third message arrived.

You have my address - come whenever :)

Spencer responded that he’d be there after finishing his case report, and pocketed his phone. JJ raised an eyebrow again, but Spencer just gave her an awkward smile and looked out of the window at the dark streets. His stomach was tight with anticipation, and he tapped lightly against his knee as they drove.

When they scattered into the office, he pulled out his report and began filling it out as fast as possible whilst trying to still be as precise as he needed. Emily was doing the same to his left, JJ to his right. After about half an hour, Hotch appeared out of his office.

“Go home. Finish this tomorrow.” His voice was kind but didn’t allow room for arguments, and everyone murmured their thanks, standing and shrugging on coats.

“Did you want a lift home, Reid?” Emily asked, throwing her purse over her shoulder and flicking her hair out from under her coat.

Spencer was just packing away his bag, and he considered carefully. Spencer’s apartment was on Emily’s way home. But he wasn’t being dropped off at his own place, and Ethan’s new apartment was actually closer to Emily’s than his own.

“Er, yeah.” He fiddled with his sobriety coin in his pocket. “Could you actually drop me at a friend’s place?” Emily’s eyebrows raised in surprise, and the others that were gathering around to leave turned to look at him.

Spencer tried not to think very hard about the fact that everyone was surprised that he had plans outside of work.

“You could all act less shocked,” He muttered, cheeks going red. A few of them laughed, and he groaned as Derek ruffled his hair from behind.

“Stop it. His place isn’t far from yours,” He said to Emily as he ducked out of Derek’s reach, reaching up to try to fix his hair.

“Sure, not a problem.” They followed everyone else out. Light chatter alerted Spencer that they were no longer focussed on his plans. He didn’t know why he felt so protective of the information that Ethan was now living in D.C. They didn’t know their history, it wasn’t like they could tease him about it.

The main issue was that they were all profilers. If Reid said too much, they’d be able to figure out what Ethan was to him. He wasn’t so sure he was ready to deal with that just yet. He trusted them all, but some things were hard for him to share so publicly. They didn’t even know that he was bisexual yet.

When they were in Emily’s car, heading out of Quantico, she brought it up again.

“Who’s the friend?” She asked, glancing over at him. A slow smirk spread across her lips, “Or are we not allowed to know?”

He thought very hard about how to respond. Out of everyone on the team, he’d had the rockiest start with Emily because of his addiction, however she’d become one of his closest friends since. She was reassuring, easy to talk to and he knew that she’d keep the secrets she knew were important. Out of everyone, he knew he could trust her the most with this. He still couldn’t look at her when he responded, worried she'd instantly figure out what was going through his head, instead looking out the front window.

“Do you remember my friend Ethan that I visited in New Orleans?” He asked, and she hummed in response, “He’s moved to D.C. today.”

She smiled at him, and he couldn't help but smile back, turning his head to look out of his window. He was excited to be in the same city as Ethan again, he found himself genuinely missing the man more often than not. He tried really hard not to look too much into that.

“That’s exciting,” She said encouragingly, and he attempted not to profile her reply, but he did notice the way she shifted her own gaze to his fingers tapping on his legs. He nodded.

Emily didn’t say anything else, focussing again on the road, but he noticed her glancing back at him a few times, trying to catch his eye.

He successfully directed her to Ethan’s apartment block, and when they stopped he made short work of unbuckling his seatbelt and grabbing his bag. It’s cold when he stepped out and so he buttoned his jacket.

“Thank you for dropping me off,” Spencer said awkwardly, adjusting his bag on his shoulder.

“Of course,” She responded, and gave him a knowing look, “Have fun.”

This made him feel slightly like a child being dropped off at a playdate, but he knew that wasn’t the intention, so he gave an awkward wave goodbye and turned to walk up the short staircase to the front door. He pressed the buzzer for Apartment 3B and was let through after a short pause.

He took a deep breath when he knocked on the door, which almost immediately was flung open to reveal Ethan. He was in a white t-shirt and dark jeans, half his hair pinned back with a hair slide. He was around the same height as Spencer, but in the doorway he looked taller.

“Spencer,” He grinned, and Spencer returned it, and before he knew it they’re sharing a hug, tight and friendly. Ethan smelled woodsy and musky, a little like sweat and coffee and something else he can’t place. “Come in.”

When Ethan pulled away, Spencer wished he hadn’t. He pushed all thoughts like that to the back of his mind, focussing on the here and now and not on lingering touches and fond smiles like he used to remember.

Ethan’s apartment was probably around the same size as his own, but it looked a lot bigger due to the lack of stuff, instead a small amount of furniture is dotted around and boxes were strewn about haphazardly. Already it felt very much like Ethan lived here. It was dark but in a comforting way rather than oppressing, and there was music playing from a sound system that’s set up by the tv. He didn’t know what it was, but it was smooth and soft.

Due to the open plan, Spencer could see the evidence of organization already, cookware and crockery having already been moved to the counters of the kitchen, and boxes labeled ‘books’ and ‘CDs’ piled by the couch. His keyboard was already stood in the corner behind a square table.

“It’s nice,” Spencer offered, and Ethan smiled at him, eyes crinkling and dimples showing.

“Thanks. I had no idea what it looked like before I turned up.”

Spencer wished he could have the kind of easy-going confidence Ethan had. When he moved to D.C. he visited the flat three times before deciding to live there. He had inspected every corner, measured the distances to work, the grocery store and the park as well as judging his closest neighbors for dogs and babies that might disturb him.

“I ordered pizzas. Figured you wouldn’t’ve eaten yet,” Ethan said, gesturing to the boxes on the island to the kitchen. The top one was already open, two slices gone.

“I haven’t,” Spencer agreed, and he set his bag down before settling onto the stool and picking up a slice, “Thank you.”

He felt very out of his depth. They had easy going conversations on the phone, but they hadn’t seen each other for a few years, and Spencer wasn’t exactly sure what to talk about. He took a small bite of the food and tried not to wince as it was far too hot for his liking.

Ethan grabbed another slice and took a much larger bite, clearly unbothered by the steam arising from the sauce.

“So, the case go okay?” Ethan asked. He stood on the other side of the island, facing Spencer. His eyes were curious, and so Spencer knew he was actually interested.

“Not really,” Spencer answered, he took another bite and swallowed fast, “Hard.” He was looking down, feeling embarrassed. He didn’t want to lie, it wouldn’t have been fair to the latest victim and the family now mourning them. But there was a part of admitting that they’d struggled, that he had lost, that made him feel very vulnerable.

“I would be surprised if you found any of them easy,” Ethan retorted, and Spencer looked up at him. He was giving Spencer a knowing look, but he was serious. Spencer blinked, not really knowing how to take that in or how to respond.

“We lost a kid,” Spencer admitted, just to see how Ethan would react. It was probably a bit mean, but Spencer couldn’t take it back now.

When Ethan had left the academy, he’d not been able to tell Spencer why he was leaving at the time. Spencer worried that Ethan would struggle to see how what they did was good, when it involved so many horrific things. It felt childish, but he wanted Ethan to approve of what he did.

“Did you do everything you could?” Ethan countered, strangely calm.

“I’d like to think so,” Spencer murmured, eyebrows knitting together.

“Well, then that’s not your fault then, is it?” He smiled softly at Spencer, and Spencer smiled back, ducking his head from the eyesight. Although he knew it logically, and the team knew it, hearing others validate that sometimes life and death was just out of their control was reassuring.

They ate without talking for a few minutes, the music keeping the silence from being awkward.

Spencer washed his hands when he was done, and turned to find no towel to dry them with. He glanced towards Ethan, who dropped his pizza crust into the box with a sigh.

“Jesus, I don’t even know where they are,” Ethan muttered apologetically, turning towards a stack of boxes by the door across the room, wiping his own hands on his jeans. Spencer cringed to his back at the gesture, but didn’t say anything. A moment later a small towel was tossed his way.

He dried his hands on the towel that was provided, and hung it over the oven handle.

“What did you need help with?” He asked, eyeing the mess warily.

“Books?” Ethan asked, gesturing to the few boxes behind the couch, “Figure that’s your area of expertise.”

Spencer grinned at the joke, opening up one of the boxes. The books were stacked leaving no spare space, but in no particular order.

“Do you have a system?” He asked, picking the top one up. It was The Hobbit, well worn and faded.

Ethan snickered, and Spencer looked up to see the man beginning to sort through his pots and pans, bending behind the island to put them away.

“No.”

Spencer frowned. Was he just supposed to put them on the shelves at random? No separation between fiction and non-fiction? He set the book down, and the next one was an autobiography. The next was a recipe book. The banging from the kitchen stopped.

“Make a system if you like. Makes no difference to me,” Ethan shrugged, then grabbed a set of plates to put them in an overhead cupboard.

Having been given permission to exercise precise control, he began separating the books into fiction and non-fiction, and then sub categorized them into genres. The bookcase was wide, metal and wood, and had enough room for the categories to be alphabetised without merging into one another.

They chatted idly whilst they worked, and after finishing the bookcase Spencer moved onto CDs, also organizing them to his own satisfaction. After a while, the boxes had dwindled down, and Ethan came to sit on the floor in front of the couch next to him, sighing.

He had a bottle of beer, and he took a swig. He offered it to Spencer, who shook his head softly, continuing to stack the CDs.

“I thought we were attempting to clean up the mess, not make more?” Ethan queried, and Spencer could tell without looking at him that he was smiling. He flipped a case over, and then put it on the pile closest to him.

“I have a system,” He countered, “I would explain it to you but you won’t stick to it anyway.”

“We can’t all be type A control freaks,” Ethan replied after taking another swig.

Spencer began stacking the CDs in the bottom of the bookcase according to his system. He could feel Ethan's eyes on him and tried not to focus too much on it, instead pretending that it didn’t bother him.

“You call it type A, I call it a sensible way to live.” Ethan laughed, and Spencer finished his work, settling back beside him on the floor. They weren't touching, but Ethan felt very close.

He set his head back on the couch, tiredness suddenly overcoming him. He turned his head to look at Ethan, and was surprised to find the man already looking at him. If he was concerned about being caught watching Spencer, he didn’t show it, instead the corner of his mouth ticked up and he took another drink.

“Done for today?” Spencer asked quietly. He’s not done very much that is actually useful, considering Ethan didn’t want or need an organizational system for his books and music, but there was only so much someone who didn’t live there could do.

“Yeah,” Ethan murmured, “Thanks for helping.” He was still looking very intently at Spencer, and he felt his chest constrict. He forced himself to look away from the other man, and pulled his legs up to loop his arms around them.

“I didn’t do very much,” He smiled to himself, and distantly heard the song change over. It was slower than the one before.

“You’re here,” Ethan said instantly.

Ethan was always so honest. He felt things so intensely, and wore his heart on his sleeve. Spencer didn’t ever need to ever guess what Ethan was feeling, the other man wasn’t afraid of showing his emotions.

It spooked Spencer a little bit, it always had done. He’d never been a particularly open person, even if everyone at the BAU could read him like an open book. He didn’t like sharing, too worried, overthinking everything.

Ethan knocked his knee against Spencer’s, and Spencer turned to him again.

“Thank you,” Ethan said lowly again, and this time Spencer just smiled, knocking his own knee back.

---

Friday, 14th November, 2014

Emily next asked him about Ethan about a week later, on the jet on the way home from a case. Hotch was completing files at the other end of the cabin, Rossi sat next to him, JJ was sleeping, and Derek had his headphones on.

She came to sit next to him, and he looked up from his book briefly, offering a small smile.

“So, how was your evening with Ethan?” She asked, and although her voice was soft he still glanced nervously at the other team members to see if they were listening.

“Good,” He answered simply, shrugging. He couldn’t help but let a small smile play on his lips as he did so, as usually happened when he spoke about Ethan.

She grinned at him, and he felt his cheeks rise with heat. He desperately willed it to go away, but Emily was a very good profiler, and she chuckled under her breath.

“Shut up, it’s not like that,” He muttered, and then turned the page of his book.

“Okay,” She agreed, taking a sip out of her mug, but she was smirking.

Spencer pretended to read for a little while, mind racing. Whilst he didn’t want the entire team to know about Ethan just yet, he did want someone to know. Emily, who already knew Ethan was in DC, could know he was bisexual. She herself had come out to the team seven months ago, so she probably understood his need for privacy.

“Ethan and I were-” He broke off, swallowing around the lump in his throat. He didn’t really know how to describe what Ethan and he used to be. “We- before- it wasn’t platonic,” He settled on, feeling his cheeks flame again.

He dared a glance at her, and she was still smiling, but this time it was kind and understanding.

“I understand, Reid.” She placed a hand on his wrist that was clutching the book very tightly. He loosened his grip a little at the gentle touch, “Thank you for telling me.”

---

Monday, 17th November, 2014

They surprisingly had the rest of the weekend off. Spencer spent his Sunday doing his laundry, catching up on his reading, going grocery shopping and cleaning. Ethan messaged him periodically throughout the day, spending the day settling his grandma into the care home.

Spencer responded almost immediately each time, hungry for more contact. Ethan had asked him to dinner (provided he was in the city) on Friday, and it had made Spencer very nervous.

Spencer had spent a lot of the past few years wondering if he still loved Ethan, but he knew even now that Ethan was special. They had not been serious, in the sense that they’d never defined what they were to each other, but the academic rivalry that they’d engaged in had transformed into something romantic. Spencer had really liked him, that’s all he’d known, and then Ethan had dropped out of the Academy, and that was that.

But, they’d had an unspoken agreement before. Spencer, having never been romantically involved with anyone before, and required structure in every single part of his life, had been deeply puzzled by this. He’d asked Ethan one day what they were, and Ethan had just responded with a smile, gave him a long kiss, and then said "did that clear things up?".

Which, it hadn’t.

They were exclusive, they’d discussed that. They had dates, but mostly they were at their shared apartment or in libraries or labs, both of them far too busy for actual dates. Similarly, they has been seventeen, so any dates they did have consisted of movies, take out, study sessions and joint projects.

The only way Spencer had known that they were involved romantically was because they’d started kissing, sharing a bed, and having sex. They'd been each other's only close friend at college, and every attempt Spencer had made to try and identify what they were to each other had been almost immediately shut down. He'd figured a lot of the nuances to their relationship from context clues, which he'd pieced together over the course of their years spent together at college. 

He still wasn’t sure if he could say that Ethan had been his boyfriend. They’d lived together for two years, and had been engaging in romantic or sexual acts before that, but had never discussed it.

It was for this reason that he couldn’t say if the invite to dinner on Friday was intended to be anything more than friends catching up. He didn’t know how to ask without making things incredibly awkward. If it was meant to be a date, that just highlighted how incredibly out of depth Spencer was, and he didn’t want Ethan to know that. If it wasn’t meant to be a date, then he would literally die of embarrassment at having to be told that it wasn't.

He knew he had to ask someone their opinion, but it was so unnatural for him to bring this up he almost cringed. Emily was once again his most likely option, seeing as she already knew about Ethan and their history.

He had to do it without risk of the others finding out, as he didn’t think he’d be able to cope if the others gave him dating advice. Derek would be insufferable, JJ and Penelope wouldn’t leave him alone until he told them everything, and Hotch and Rossi would automatically assume it was a woman, making the whole situation more uncomfortable than it already was going to be.

His Monday morning started in the office, and as usual he was the second person in. Hotch nodded at him as he passed to his office, like usual, and Spencer got to work starting on his consults. His leg bounced nervously for the upcoming conversation all morning, and it wasn’t until JJ left to pick up her lunch that he got his chance.

“What’s up with you this morning?” Emily asked, leaning back in her chair.

He stopped writing, but didn’t look at her. He licked his lips and tried to build up the courage to just come out with it.

“Seriously, you’re all jittery and you’ve only had one cup of coffee which is so unlike-”

“I need to ask your opinion on something,” He cut her off, and she raised an eyebrow at him, twirling her pen around her fingers.

He looked around the bullpen quickly, before leaning closer to her. Her desk was the other side of his, so it wouldn’t look like they were discussing anything more than work.

“Shoot,” She said, pushing herself forward in her chair so she was bent towards him as well.

“Ethan asked me to dinner on Friday,” He stated, and watched as the corner of Emily’s mouth ticked up.

“You want my opinion on that?” She asked, “No offense, Spence, but I think you’re old enough to go to dinner on your own.”

He glared at her, and she giggled, eyes twinkling.

“I don’t know whether it’s meant to be a date or not,” He mumbled, feeling his cheeks burn with embarrassment.

Her eyes softened, and she hummed, nodding.

Emily was always very good at making him feel less like a social failure, always willing to listen to him, and to understand where the line was between being able to tease him or not.

“Well,” She considered, “Do you want it to be?”

He shifted his gaze around the bullpen which was still working at the usual speed, before settling back on her, and nodding slightly. She smiled at him.

“Then I say just see where it goes,” She shrugged. “You guys are already friends, the dating part will just feel like an extension of that.”

He frowned. That didn’t seem particularly clear. Whilst ‘dating’ was a relationship stage that had never been particularly clear to Spencer, the rules for which were too vague to create a solid process to follow, he knew that being in a relationship, or being romantically involved with someone was based on a mutual understanding of trust and affection.

Before he could ask, or Emily could explain, JJ came back. They both went back to their work, and Spencer tried to squash the nerves that arose when he thought about Friday night.

---

Monday, 24th November, 2014

As it turned out, his worries were for nothing, as they were on a case. Called out to a very cold small town in Ohio late on Thursday for a serial rapist and murderer. The unsub was leaving flower petals at the dumpsites, and Spencer managed to point out that the flowers all had different meanings including apologies, forgiveness and love.

He had messaged Ethan on Friday morning when it was beginning to look like he wouldn’t be back in time for their dinner, the unsub still unknown to them.

Hey, I’m sorry but I’m still on this case in Ohio. I don’t think I’ll be able to make dinner tonight. Can we reschedule?

He’d chewed his lip as he typed, feeling guilt tighten in his chest. What if Ethan got annoyed? Although Spencer didn’t usually have any issues with the times and length of the case demands, he knew that others on the team often struggled to adjust their personal lives to fit. Is this how they felt constantly when trying to organize their lives? He hated it.

Hi. No worries, you focus on your job. I’ll see you when you get back, let me know when you’re coming home.

Ethan had always been understanding. Spencer put it down to being a pretty relaxed man. He couldn’t relate, he’d always been an overthinker.

“Sorry about your dinner,” Emily had said to him in the car on the way to one of the victims houses.

He shrugged, and took a sip of his coffee even though it was too hot still. She was glancing over more frequently than usual, and he kind of wanted to tell her to just keep her eyes on the road.

“He understood.”

They caught the unsub, delirious and sobbing over his newest kidnapped victim not long after. They’d managed to save her, and take him into custody, not before he handed her a single red rose with a profession of undying love.

On the jet back home, he had messaged Ethan that he was finally on his way back, like he had asked.

What time are you landing?

Spencer frowned, and then checked his watch.

Approximately 8:02. Why?

The other man didn’t respond, so Spencer pocketed his phone and picked up his book again, although his mind kept drifting. After only forty minutes on the jet, they had landed, and Spencer was grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

He yawned, and JJ behind him did the same, before grinning at him.

“I’m going to sleep well tonight,” She acknowledged as they came out of the airport, fluorescent lights blurring into warm streetlamps as they headed in the direction of the black SUVs waiting for them. Derek and Emily followed them, with Hotch and Rossi bringing up the rear.

“You’re not going to spend your night off partying?” Derek asked, smirking.

JJ laughed, reaching up to smooth her already spotless hair back.

“Not tonight, sorry Derek.”

Spencer gazed out at the car park, and it was only as Derek began to speak again that he noticed a familiar worn truck not far from the SUVs, a silhouette in front of it.

“What about you, pretty boy-” Spencer stopped abruptly in his tracks, causing Derek to bump into the back of him with a soft ‘oof’. “Spencer-” Derek started with a questioning tone, but was quickly interrupted.

“Oh my god,” He breathed, cutting Derek off, because standing, leaning up against the truck was Ethan, smiling at him.

He was wearing casual clothes, a t-shirt and jeans, hair hanging freely down, but curled and effortlessly cool. One of his heavy boots was crossed over the other at the ankle, and his hands were in the pockets of his black jacket.

“Oh my god,” He said again, and Emily came up to stand next to him.

“Is that-”

“Yes,” He rasped, feeling his chest tighten.

What was he doing here? He was clearly here for Spencer, but they hadn’t had anything planned. All Spencer could think about was the fact that he was in clothes that he’d been wearing for over fifteen hours, his breath smelt like stale coffee and he still had to finish his case report.

“What is he doing here?” He asked Emily, not bothering to keep the panic out of his voice.

“I imagine he’s here to see you,” She replied with a knowing tone, turning to grin at him. Spencer couldn’t look back at her, trying desperately to think about what to say or do.

Ethan began moving towards them, and in too short an amount of time for him to figure out what was going on, he stood in front of him.

“Hey.” His voice was warm, and Spencer literally couldn’t think straight because he’d been hit with the smell of the other man's body wash.

“Hi,” Was all he could muster up, gripping the case file in his hands so hard he worried he might actually shred it in two.

“I hope you don’t mind me turning up,” Ethan sounded a little bashful, “I just thought since we didn’t manage dinner yesterday we could go out now.”

Spencer felt his cheeks warm, and hoped it was too dark around for anyone to notice. All of the team were watching and listening, he was sure of it. He cleared his throat.

“I-I, yeah, I have-”

“He’d love to,” Emily cut in, and Spencer flushed all over again.

What was wrong with him? He needed to pull himself together, and fast, before everyone here, including Ethan, knew exactly how he was feeling before he himself did.

“I- I have my report,” He stammered, breaking his gaze from Ethan to look down at it.

“I’ll do that,” Emily responded instantly, plucking it out of his hands, “I put four on your desk last week, so I owe you.”

He nodded, and tried not to look at JJ or Derek, who were both looking on with raised eyebrows. He could see Rossi smirking, and Hotch’s careful gaze.

“Oh, okay,” He said tentatively, “I guess, let’s go?” He glanced back to Ethan, who was still watching him.

Ethan smiled again, all teeth, and swept his hand through his hair.

“Great.” He waited for Spencer to begin walking, falling in step with him, but kept his hands in his pockets.

His stomach was in knots, and he turned his head back to look desperately at Emily for some help as to what to do, but all she did was grin and give him a thumbs up, before he had to turn back around to look at where he was going.

He clambered into the passenger side of Ethan's truck, heart beating rapidly inside his chest. Ethan turned the key in the ignition, and the engine rumbled to life beneath them.

“How does Chinese food sound?” He asked, as music started to softly play from the radio, and he buckled his seatbelt.

“Perfect,” Spencer breathed, following Ethan and fastening his own seatbelt.

Ethan smiled at him, and Spencer felt his stomach swoop, before turning away.

He was so screwed.

---

Monday, 24th November, 2014

They weren’t anywhere fancy, which Spencer was thankful for. So far, the evening hadn’t been very different from what they’d usually do, except this time it was in a restaurant instead of at one of their apartments, or meeting briefly for coffee. Although, he did have to factor in that this was only the third time they were seeing each other since Ethan had moved to D.C.

Ethan wasn’t wearing anything so significant to indicate that he wanted to look nicer, although Spencer could tell he had made the effort to style his hair. It was hard to judge, because in Spencer’s opinion, the other man always looked good.

They’d chatted about the case in Ohio, and Ethan had told him about how his grandma was getting on in the new care home, as well as his first few nights playing in the new lounge. Spencer had spent a brief, embarrassing few minutes explaining the Americanisation of Chinese food, before cutting himself off.

Ethan had smiled at him very widely, and told him to keep going, and so Spencer had, eagerly.

He was having a nice time, he found, as they were finishing up their food. Usually after a long case he spent the time on his own, trying to unwind and turn his brain off. It was nice to be able to decompress with someone else who knew him well.

He still wasn’t sure if this was meant to be a date, but if it was, he thought it was going fairly well. Ethan decided to pay, telling Spencer he could get the next one, and then suggested they walk two blocks down to get ice cream before calling it a night.

He still didn’t initiate any contact, but he couldn’t help but notice that Ethan walked slightly closer to him than other people did. That might just be who Ethan was as a person, however. He frowned. He needed to see Ethan interact with some of his other friends to discern what was unusual behavior for the man.

They had been walking for five minutes when Ethan had brought it up.

“I’m glad that things aren’t weird.” His tone was casual, but Spencer couldn’t help but be confused by the words. “I was worried, after everything.”

After what? After their previous relationship, whatever it was? When Spencer had visited Ethan in New Orleans a few years ago, he had worried that Ethan had resented him for staying on at the academy, but he’d never worried that things would be awkward between the two.

When Ethan had spoken to him after the Hankel case, he’d been reassured that despite what their relationship was, Ethan was someone who understood Spencer.

“Look,” Ethan said, stopping and pulling at Spencer’s arm to get him to stop as well. Spencer had clearly taken too long to respond to his statements.

“I don’t want to force anything, okay?”

Oh. So, not a date.

“Oh, right,” Spencer managed, feeling disappointment rise in his chest. Ethan was looking at him very carefully, but still had a small smile on his face. He masked his own feelings with a small smile.

“It’s just, we were what we were then.” He took a breath. “We can be what we are now, you know?”

Spencer didn’t. He tried hard to school his features to not show how utterly out of his depth he felt in the moment.

“Sure,” He said anyway.

“I just don’t want to mess anything up,” Ethan continued, and that’s when Spencer realized that the man was actually nervous. He felt his confusion deepen, “I really like our friendship, and I wouldn’t want to jeopardize that. We go at your pace and let things happen naturally, okay?”

Spencer did understand that. He found it hard to make friends with people who genuinely like him for who he is, and keep those friendships. He didn’t want to lose Ethan in that capacity either.

If that was the only way he could have Ethan, he was fine with that.

Chapter Text

---

Thursday, 27th November, 2014

They were called in on a case very early on Monday morning, so Spencer managed to avoid any probing about being picked up by Ethan. He did get more glances than usual when he came into the briefing room, but they were on a tight schedule, so no one bothered him outright.

It wasn’t until Thursday evening that they caught the unsub, and since they were in Salt Lake City, Hotch informed them that they would travel back the next morning and to get some sleep. He had just changed into pajamas and a sweatshirt, teeth brushed, when a rapid knock came to his door. 

He checked the peephole, and it was Emily, so he opened it. 

“Hey, everything alright?” He asked, rubbing his eye under his glasses, which he was wearing now he’d taken his contacts out. 

“It’s been like five days and I still don’t know what happened at your dinner with Ethan,” She said brusquely, and pushed past him into her room, striding away from him.

He shut the door, seeing as Emily had settled herself on the end of his bed and it didn’t look like she was planning to leave anytime soon. He felt a bit awkward, stood in his flannel pajamas and socks, but she was also in her own pajamas, which made him feel slightly better. 

“Well?” She questioned with an expectant tone, one eyebrow raised. 

“I genuinely don’t know what you want me to say,” He admitted a little bashfully, scratching the back of his head. 

“How did it go?” She asked impatiently, waving her hands. 

“Er, okay, I think,” He replied, and her face lit up. 

He was struck by how bizarre this situation was. Whilst he saw the team a lot outside of work, he’d never been this informal with any of them. Emily, sat at the end of his bed in pajamas that had bunnies on them, face clear of makeup and her hair pulled into a casual style he’s never seen before made him feel a bit out of his depth.

“Yeah?” She said, smiling, head tilted slightly.

Spencer knew she was implying that their dinner was romantic, and he didn’t know how to tell her that he’d been wrong.

“I don’t know,” He murmured, “He said he wanted to keep things the way they were then, and what we are now separate.” 

Emily’s eyebrows knitted together and she pulled one of the pillows from his bed onto her lap as she responded. 

“In what way?”

Spencer moved to the bed, sitting against the headboard with his knees pulled up. Emily turned to face him, knees bent under her, pillow clutched to her stomach and chest. 

“He says he doesn’t want to mess up our friendship,” Spencer said, looking away. “He said he wanted things to feel natural.” He felt embarrassment creep up, and his cheeks tinge pink. He picked at the cuff of his pajama bottoms. 

“I think that makes sense,” Emily suggested with a shrug, and Spencer looked at her, a tad hurt. Why would Emily be so concerned with their relationship (or lack thereof) if she didn’t think it would be a good idea?

“You do?” He asked in a small voice, pushing his glasses up his face. She nodded instantly, making his heart sink lower, and then she smiled a little.

“I think he obviously cares about you, and he just wants to put your friendship first before anything happens.” She tilted her head a little. “He seems like a good guy.” 

“He is.” Spencer’s voice sounded a bit hollow. 

Ethan was the epitome of goodness. He’d been through so much turmoil himself, but still came out bursting with positivity and support for those he loved. He wasn’t afraid of his emotions or being vulnerable with those he cared about. Although he couldn’t be with him in the way they used to be together, they could still be close friends. 

“Just see what happens,” Emily advised, “You never know.”

---

Monday, 1st December, 2014

Spencer tried very hard not to overthink Ethan’s actions, which was hard because he overthought everything. A new case had emerged almost immediately after their last, and although it had been over fast, it had been rough on all the team. He’d come home and immediately crashed, sleeping for much longer than he usually did. 

He woke up to his phone buzzing. He blinked blearily, glancing at the clock which read 10:12 A.M, and grabbed his phone. He expected the caller to be Hotch or Garcia calling him in for another case, but was pleasantly surprised to see Ethan’s name flashing on the screen. 

He accepted the call. 

“Hey,” Spencer almost whispered, voice gravelly with sleep. He pulled the comforter up to his chin, trying to expel the cold air that was brushing against his arms. 

“Good morning,” Ethan greeted, “Have I woken you up?”

“Yes,” Spencer responded, before realizing that was probably one of those questions you were supposed to lie about, “I needed to get up though.” 

That wasn’t a lie, he had a lot of laundry to do, and he desperately needed to eat something other than vending machine food, but that required going grocery shopping. He also wanted to get some papers reviewed if he had some time. 

“What time did you get back?” Ethan asked, breaking him out of his train of thought. 

“Five-thirty,” Spencer yawned around his answer, eyes still firmly shut.

Usually they would have slept at their accommodation before traveling back in the morning, but they’d been sharing rooms, and after the grueling case everyone just wanted to sleep in their own beds. 

“How you sleep so little amazes me,” Ethan said, laughing, “Go back to sleep.”

Spencer smiled. The rest of the team were also constantly in amazement of his sleeping pattern. He’d always been this way, mind too busy to rest for long. He usually slept in short bursts, whenever he could find the time and wherever he could find the space to rest. 

He remembered how much Ethan used to sleep when they’d lived together; always one to lie in and have lazy mornings, napping in the late afternoon and falling asleep first. 

“I won’t sleep tonight if I do,” He murmured, and then opened his eyes properly for the first time. Bright sun was streaming through a slit in his curtains, but he could hear wind whistling that told him it was a cold day. 

“I was going to ask you if you wanted to get breakfast,” Ethan stated, and Spencer smiled to himself again, “I’m in the mood for pancakes.” 

He felt a little giddy, but reminded himself that it’s just friends hanging out. He eyed the laundry basket and his go bag still on the floor, and the thin layer of dust that had settled in his room in his absence. It’s waited this long, it could wait a little longer. 

“Okay,” He mumbled, sitting up and rubbing at his left eye. 

“I’ll pick you up in half an hour?” 

Spencer hummed an affirmative, and Ethan wished him a goodbye before hanging up. He yawned again, shuddering slightly as the cold wood of his floor shocked his feet before he slid them into his slippers. 

Feeling tired, and as it was a cold day, he showered and decided to go for a large sweater. He picked gray checked trousers and a navy woolen cable knit sweater, the sleeves of which were so long, even he had to roll them up. He donned boots, a scarf and his coat just in time for Ethan to message him to say that he was outside. 

He took one moment to check himself over in the mirror, running a hand through his partially damp hair, worrying that he looked too comfortable, rather than nice. He’d never been massively stylish, always opting for comfort over style, but he wanted to look like he’d made an effort. 

He snapped himself out of his thoughts, grabbing his keys and leaving before he could get too lost in his appearance. People that were just going out for breakfast with their friends didn’t spend this much time thinking about how they look, he was certain. 

And that was all they were, just friends. 

Ethan’s truck was still on when he approached, and jazz was playing through the radio system. He slid into the passenger side, and Ethan grinned at him. 

“Morning, sleeping beauty.” His eyes were twinkling, but Spencer felt his cheeks heat up anyway. 

“I wasn’t asleep that long,” He argued half heartedly as he fastened his seatbelt. 

He logically knew that Ethan was joking, but his mouth hadn’t quite caught up with his brain yet. He belatedly realized he’s not drunk any coffee yet today, except for the coffee at 2:00 A.M before they’d boarded the jet, but he didn’t think that counted. 

“I know,” Ethan laughed, pulling out onto the road, “I couldn’t argue that you sleep too much if I tried.”

Spencer let his head fall back onto the headrest, putting his hands in his pockets as the car was still a bit cold from where it had sat overnight. 

“What have you done whilst I’ve been gone?” He questioned, taking advantage of the fact that Ethan’s eyes were fixed on the road to stare at his side profile. 

He had such lovely eyelashes. Long, fluttery. If he thought hard enough he could think back to those eyelashes fluttering against his own cheeks as they kissed in their small flat off campus, gentle and sweet.

He forced his mind away. Friends didn’t think about kissing each other. 

“Not much,” Ethan was saying, causing Spencer to look away from his face. “Did a couple of new pieces at the lounge, visited my grandma, made a really good pie.”

“Pie?” Spencer asked curiously. 

“Apple,” Ethan confirmed, nodding and shooting him a quick smile, “Like the good American boy I am.”

Spencer’s lips quirked, and he looked out the window. 

“I didn’t know you baked.” 

“I do.” His voice was soft and warm. “I find it meditative.”

It kind of made sense. Ethan was so loving, so dedicated and thoughtful, baking was a natural hobby for someone like him. A hobby that he could really appreciate the end result, and share it so easily with others. 

They didn’t really talk for the rest of the journey, but it wasn’t awkward. Soon, Ethan pulled into a street with a small diner. He’d seen the diner before but never gone in, always too stuck in his own familiar favorites to venture out. 

A plump waitress seated them in a secluded booth in the back and left them to look at the menu whilst she grabbed them coffee. 

“Here we are,” She chirped as she set down the mugs and poured them two generous amounts. Spencer almost immediately downed half of his despite the fact that it was far too hot and had no sugar in it. It was scalding and bitter so he winced, making Ethan laugh. 

“Late night?” The waitress - Mandy - asked lightly, chuckling as she filled the cup back up to the brim once more. 

“Yes,” Spencer coughed, a little raspily. Ethan snorted again, but didn't say anything. 

They placed their orders, and he dumped an appropriate quantity of sugar in his coffee before cradling it in his still cold hands and taking a sip. 

“Are you okay?” Ethan questioned, stirring creamer into his own coffee. He wasn't looking at Spencer, but his eyebrows were raised. “You seem off.”

Spencer chewed the inside of his cheek. He was mostly just tired, he knew that when he was running on not a lot of sleep he tended to feel his emotions more, but he was pleased to be in Ethan's company. He didn’t know how to say that without coming off as a bit strange. 

“Just tired,” He settled on, sinking a bit further into his seat. 

The case had been harder than most - four kids all kidnapped, tortured and once they’d caught the unsub they’d had to interrogate him heavily to find their locations before they’d succumbed to the elements in the forest. 

They’d only saved two. 

“We didn’t have to come out,” Ethan frowned, shifting in his seat. “I would’ve understood if you wanted to stay in.” 

“No!” Spencer hurried to object. “I wanted to see you.”

Ethan’s eyes sparkled, and if Spencer wasn’t mistaken, the other man’s cheeks went a little pink. 

“Yeah?” His hands were tapping at the handle of his mug, absentmindedly. He tilted his head to the side slightly, two pieces of hair falling with it. 

“Yeah,” Spencer echoed, nodding. 

Their food arrived, and Spencer eagerly dug into his blueberry pancakes, easily accepting Ethan’s jokes about his sugar consumption now he had both caffeine and food in front of him. The sky began to darken and fat raindrops began spilling as they cleared their plates, and Spencer watched it carefully, feeling calmer now he was full. 

He always enjoyed watching the rain, it was one of his favorite things about living in D.C. The sound of it hitting the windows and the smell of earth that permeated around afterwards were relaxing. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Ethan’s voice snapped him out of his daydream, and he looked back at the other man guiltily. 

“Sorry,” He muttered, setting down his mug to begin picking at his napkin. 

“You don’t need to apologize.” The other man observed him for a little while, and Spencer fought the urge to squirm. “Well?”

Spencer licked his lips, rolling a piece of napkin between his fingers and making it a tight spiral. 

“I really enjoy my job,” He declared, and Ethan didn’t say anything, but a look of understanding fluttered across his face. “It’s just, sometimes, I find it harder to move on when I come home.” 

He remembered all his cases, his memory wouldn’t allow him to forget it. Some he could compartmentalize pretty well, and know that he did all he could. Some played on his mind more than others. They all had cases that spoke to them on certain levels, hit harder for personal reasons than they did for others. 

Sometimes they had cases that were just shit. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ethan asked, quietly. 

Spencer considered for a moment. He did want to confide in the other man, telling him that he couldn’t stop seeing the small shoes sticking out from the bushes, laces undone and spattered with blood. He couldn’t stop hearing the sobs from the parents that had lost their children, their anguish that had echoed across the precinct. 

But when he looked up, Ethan was so earnest, so understanding that Spencer’s voice got stuck in his throat. Just knowing that Ethan was there, willing to listen, made him feel better. 

“Maybe later,” He replied, offering a sincere smile, putting the napkin down and instead clasping his hands around his mug again. 

The rain cleared up, and he laughed as Ethan began telling him a story, feeling lighter. 

---

Friday, 19th December, 2014

The next few weeks followed the same kind of pattern. Anytime that he came back from a case, shortly after he would meet up with Ethan. They went to the movies, had dinner, went for walks in the park and messaged each other almost constantly. 

He was mostly confused by this dynamic. All of his other friendships, no matter how deep, didn’t rely on this kind of communication. He did see most of the team outside of work pretty regularly, but they didn’t go out to this much, and they certainly didn’t message to keep up with each other outside of work the way he and Ethan did. 

Although, they did see each other so intensely at work that probably wasn’t surprising that they didn’t interact the same way. 

When they were together they talked about anything that came to mind. Their conversations weren’t particularly interesting, mostly just conversational and sometimes reminiscing. Sometimes they didn’t talk, sitting in companionable silence and enjoying each other’s company. 

He couldn’t remember spending this much time with one other person. Both he and Ethan had been around each other a lot in college, but that didn’t count since they had lived together to save money. When he and Ethan weren’t together, they were usually messaging each other. When Spencer was on a case and couldn’t respond, Ethan would continue to send updates of his day, even if they were small. 

He had apologized once, when Spencer had come home, and Spencer had said he didn’t mind, secretly feeling pleased that Ethan found him important enough to talk to in such a relaxed way. 

JJ picked up on it almost instantly. 

We should go and see the new Marvel film when it comes out. 

Have you seen the others? We need to watch them. 

My grandma says hi :)

How’s the case going? 

Did you want me to order food for when you get back?

Spencer smiled to himself as he read the messages he’d missed out on for the day on the jet, biting his thumbnail and pulling his leg up so that it was bent between his chest and the table. He rested his chin on his knee, taking his thumb out his mouth to begin typing a response. 

“Who’s texting you?” JJ asked, looking up from her finalized case report with raised eyebrows. 

Emily glanced across from the other table at them, lips pulled into a smirk. He glanced up briefly at JJ, before resuming his message with a small shrug. 

“Just Ethan,” He said, missing the way the two women glanced at each other with a smile, too busy asking Ethan to order for him. 

---

Tuesday, 23rd December, 2014

Christmas at the BAU was a small period of time. They came back from a very chilly case in Vermont on the day before Christmas eve, and although it was only 2:00 P.M when they got back to Quantico, Hotch told them to go straight home. 

“Merry Christmas,” He said with a rare smile as they gathered in the bullpen, bags slung over their shoulders. 

They filed out, Penelope under Derek’s arm as they chatted amicably and Rossi and Hotch in step as they made their way to the elevator. Spencer was still packing away his belongings, slipping files into his bag for something to do if his mother ended up sleeping whilst he was visiting her. 

“Spence?” JJ called, “You coming?” 

He nodded, clasping the bag shut before slipping his coat on. He walked a little faster to catch up with JJ and Emily, who were waiting for him. He smiled at Emily in thanks for holding the door for him, before shifting his bag slightly to allow JJ to slip her arm through his as they walked to the elevators. 

“I hope those weren’t cases that you just put in your bag,” Emily teased with raised eyebrows, pressing to call the elevator up to their floor. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, smiling guiltily. 

“Just in case I need something to do. My mom is on new medication that makes her tired, there’s a good chance I’ll be sitting around.” He kept his tone light to show he wasn’t that bothered by this, but JJ squeezed his arm comfortingly regardless as they stepped into the elevator. 

“That’s why hallmark movies were created, Spence,” JJ laughed, “Mindless Christmas entertainment. I plan to watch at least three.”

“Are you going to see your mom?” He asked, just to divert the conversation away from his kind of depressing Christmas in Bennington Sanitorium. 

He loved his mom, but he’d never had a very merry Christmas, even when he was a child. Just once he’d like to experience a Christmas eating sugar cookies, watching mindless hallmark movies and laying around in his pajamas after a large home-cooked meal. 

In his second year at the BAU, a storm had stopped all flights out of DC and Spencer couldn’t get to Nevada on Christmas Eve. He and Gideon had spent Christmas day playing chess in front of the fire, listening to music on Gideon’s old record player and talking. The next morning when the storm had died, Gideon had offered to drive him to the airport and when they’d arrived Gideon had thanked him for a nice Christmas. 

Spencer remembered smiling so wide his cheeks hurt, words not able to express how much he agreed with the sentiment. 

“She's coming to us,” JJ corrected, and checked her watch, “Actually, both her and Will's mom should already be here by now.” 

“What about you, Em?” He asked, “Visiting your parents?”

“Unfortunately,” Emily said, lips quirking. JJ snorted, and he grinned, and they all stepped out of the elevator when it reached the bottom floor. 

It’s cold, understandably, for December. Unlike Emily and JJ, who grew up familiar with cooler temperatures, he couldn’t stand the bitter chill that permeated through his layers and he shuddered. 

“Did you want a lift?” Emily questioned him as they walked towards the parking lot. “You can pick up your stuff and we can head to the airport. You might have to wait a bit for your flight though.” Her voice was slightly apologetic. 

“I’m alright, thank you though. Ethan’s offered to drive me, since he’s going back home tonight as well.” Both Emily and JJ’s eyebrows raised, smiling in a way that Spencer didn’t really understand. 

He could drive, he just chose not to most of the time. It was just as easy for him to get public transport, and he could read whilst he did it. A lot of people assume he couldn’t drive, or didn’t like it. 

“You and Ethan are going home together?” JJ asked, and they stopped near JJ’s car, because soon Spencer would have to split to walk to the metro station. 

“Well, he’s going back to San Diego,” Spencer frowned, awkwardly. 

Ethan had suggested going to the airport together to travel when Spencer had said he wouldn’t be coming home until late on the 23rd. He’d had back-to-back nights at the lounge for the past two weeks, so he couldn’t get home until today anyway. He’d told Spencer that if their case had finished in time, they could go together.

Ethan had his entire mom's side of his family waiting for him in San Diego, having never moved out of California since all his mom's side of the family lived there. And although Ethan had a flexible schedule, and could have gone home earlier, had decided to stay in D.C. to help out at the lounge. 

Both JJ and Emily looked at him with small smiles, and he knew he was missing something but couldn’t for the life of him figure out what it was, so he just wished them a happy Christmas, hugging them tightly before making his way to the metro. 

Later, when Ethan did the same to him, arms wound tight around him, smile audible as he murmured: “Merry Christmas, Spencer.”; Spencer ignored the jolt of happiness that spread through him, waving as he made his way to his gate.

---

Sunday, 18th January, 2015

The team celebrated new years in a small precinct in rural Missouri, over alcohol-free beer and pizza. Ethan sent him a message at 00:02 A.M, which was nice. They were back in Quantico by the evening of the 3rd January, to freezing winds and heavy rain. 

January felt as though it was moving through sludge, crawling by in a haze of cold weather and back-to-back cases. Penelope had demanded they all go out to the movies on a rare night back in Quantico where they weren’t desperately trying to catch up on sleep, and so his meetings with Ethan had been rare. 

Half way into January, Ethan asked Spencer if he wanted to come and watch him at the lounge. Spencer had just finished a case in Virginia, so he’d been sleeping at home, but it had still been a trying case. However, when he’d heard the excited tone in Ethan’s voice as he told him about his new pieces, he couldn’t bring himself to decline. 

He was sitting in a leather chair by a window in the lounge, the dark room forgiving on the throbbing in his temples. It was a nice lounge, a long bar stretching across the back wall, and a platform in the middle of the room where Ethan was sitting playing the piano. Tables, chairs, sofas and armchairs were dotted around the rest of the room under large round lamps. 

Watching Ethan perform was an experience he had trouble describing. He simply took Spencer’s breath away. When he’d gone to visit him in New Orleans he’d been a marvel to watch and listen to, but Spencer had been so miserable he’d struggled to appreciate it. 

Seeing him now, shirt sleeves folded up to his elbows as his hands deftly flowed across the keys, was enchanting. It was a busy night, so he was forced to sit behind where Ethan was facing, but that allowed him to let his gaze linger over his broad shoulders and the curve of his jaw without worry that Ethan would see. 

He knew that Ethan sang, sometimes, on specialty nights. He also knew that he played the guitar, instead of the piano. However, it was a Jazz themed night, so Ethan played piano the entire time. He was kind of thankful, he didn’t think for one moment he’d be able to convey platonic feelings convincingly if he were to hear Ethan sing.

Spencer had a book, which Ethan had told him to bring, and also his case report to finish. They weren’t supposed to take files outside the bullpen, and the clear violation of the rules was making him prickle uncomfortably, but he reminded himself that the rest of the team all did it so he could be let off just this once. 

Despite this, he’d not touched either, simply letting the music and slow bustle of the lounge flow around him. 

“What did you think?” Ethan asked him, when the lounge was almost empty, stragglers being ushered out by bar staff. 

“You’re so clever, Ethan,” He responded, smiling slowly. He felt tired, but warm and happy despite the harsh lighting now the staff was closing down, “Your stuff is brilliant.”

Ethan’s smile was worth the exhaustion he knew he was going to have tomorrow, and the ache that had now settled behind his eyes. Ethan’s blush reminded Spencer that despite the other man’s seemingly unending confidence, he was pleased with the praise the same way anyone else would be. 

“Here,” Ethan murmured, passing him his coat, “I’ll drive you home.” 

---

Friday, 23rd January, 2015

“I’d give it an eight out of ten,” Ethan commented as they walked out of the movies, hands deep in his pockets to stave off the cool air, “But it’s not as good as the first one.”

They crossed the street, separating from the small crowd of people also spilling out of the movie theater, and the glow of the streetlamps cast shadows across the bridge of Ethan’s nose. Spencer tracked it with his eyes, humming along. 

“Although I could probably add an extra point because Andrew Garfield is really attractive.”

Spencer snorted at that, making Ethan grin. They’d just watched the Amazing Spider-Man 2, upon Ethan’s request (he was obsessed with superheroes), and although it wasn’t a movie he’d have watched on his own, he found himself enjoying it. 

“You’re laughing but I know you agree,” Ethan jibed playfully, nudging him with his elbow. He was walking close to Spencer again, like always, and Spencer liked the way he caught whiffs of the other man’s coconut shampoo every once in a while. 

Ethan slid his arm into Spencer’s, squeezing softly. Spencer tried very hard not to read too much into that. Ethan was a tactile person, that’s all. Ethan seemed slightly hesitant, though, and so Spencer kept his expression neutral as he replied. Ethan then relaxed, grinning brightly. 

“He’s nice to look at,” Spencer agreed, nodding. Ethan laughed, and although Spencer was looking ahead of them, he could feel Ethan’s eyes linger on him so he tried not to let his cheeks flush. 

“Can we go and get pie from that diner near my place?” The other man queried as they turned the corner, the streets becoming quieter. 

Spencer was still full from dinner and popcorn, but he wanted to spend more time with Ethan, so he nodded. 

However, as Ethan was about to respond, Spencer’s phone began ringing and he instantly recognised the ringtone to be Hotch. Looking at the screen confirmed his theory. He shot an apologetic look at Ethan, who had a small, resigned smile on his lips as Spencer swiped to answer the call. 

“Reid,” Hotch sounded serious, as he always did when they had a case, “Sorry to call so late, but two children have been abducted in Harrisburg.” 

“Okay,” Spencer replied, and tried not to look at Ethan, feeling guilty, “I’ll be there as soon as possible.” 

“See you soon.” Hotch didn’t wait for him to respond before he hung up, presumably to move onto the next team member. 

Spencer bit the inside of his lip as he pocketed his phone, glancing back at Ethan. 

“A case?” Ethan guessed, and he didn’t sound angry but Spencer’s insides twisted anyway. 

“Sorry,” Spencer winced, apologetically. 

“You don’t need to apologize.” Ethan sounded fond this time, and it reduced his worry slightly. 

The other man pulled away from him, unlinking their arms. He stayed close, however, hand lingering on Spencer’s forearm. It felt tingly under his touch, even through his coat. 

He really needed to get going, but he didn’t know how to go without leaving Ethan stranded in the street. 

“You want a ride?” Ethan asked, tilting his head in question. Spencer fiddled with his sobriety coin anxiously, but shook his head. 

“Thank you, but it’s actually probably quicker for me to get the metro.”

They’d walked to the movies from Ethan’s apartment, so they’d have to walk ten blocks back there before they could even get on the road. He appreciated the sentiment, but abductions were on a short time-scale anyway and he was already itching to get going. 

“I’ll see you when you get back, then,” Ethan said, and he stepped forward to hug Spencer tightly. 

Spencer’s breath caught but he returned the hug instantly, a bit dazed. This wasn’t the first time Ethan had hugged him, and each time it made him feel a bit light on his feet. He was sure friends didn’t feel butterflies when hugging each other, because Penelope hugged him a lot and he’d never gotten that feeling with her. 

“Go.” Ethan pushed him slightly when he pulled away, and that jolted Spencer back into action. 

After waving goodbye, he walked very fast towards the nearest metro station, already on autopilot. He was thankful he had a go bag at the BAU because he hadn’t had time to go home to get anything, and he was suddenly aware that this is the first time he’d been called in for a case whilst out at this time. 

That made him cringe internally, he should really go out more. 

By the time he got in, it was forty minutes later and he was the last to arrive. 

“Sorry I’m late.” He was a little breathless from his fast pace, and although Hotch had simply told him to get in as soon as possible, he couldn’t help feeling as though he'd been tardy. “I had to come from central D.C.”

They were all ready to go, but Hotch was still packing away his bag, and Emily is shrugging on her coat. He grabbed his own bag from under his desk and slung it over his shoulder. 

“No worries. We’ll debrief on the jet,” Hotch said firmly, and they dispersed quickly out of the doors. 

“You look nice,” Derek noted as they’re moving towards the jet, pace fast. 

Spencer looked down at his outfit. Whilst he had a dress code at work, he’d always been on the scruffier end of the spectrum. Since he and Ethan had gone to dinner before their movie, he’s wearing a pale blue shirt and a brown sweater, dark trousers and polished shoes. Had Ethan thought he was overdressed? He hoped not, he didn’t want to look as though he was trying too hard. 

Not forcing anything...

“Out with Ethan?” JJ asked from his other side. 

“Yeah.” He felt his neck go warm, and hoped that in the dark they wouldn't notice. He almost explained that they went for dinner and a movie, but they probably didn’t care, and as they were settling into their seats Hotch was already pulling out his tablet to start briefing them on the abduction. 

He settled into his role, trying to put the sight of Ethan’s flushed cheeks and warm smile out of his mind.

---

Saturday, 24th January, 2015

The case was hard, but in twenty-five hours and fourteen minutes they found both boys alive. They were dirty, and one had a nasty concussion, but they were going to be fine. Physically, at least. The unsub was caught and soon, they were boarding the jet home again. Morale was high, due to the good outcome of the case, and so they were sat around the tables chatting amicably. 

“I want a shower so bad,” Emily complained, raking a hand through her hair, wrinkling her nose. 

They’d not stopped since they got called in, so they were all hungry and tired. Spencer wanted to shower too, he’d been in his clothes for far too long. Despite this, they all smiled and laughed. 

“Me too,” JJ said, “Will’s making gumbo for dinner.” 

Derek groaned appreciatively, and Spencer agreed in his head. Although, right now he was so hungry he could go for pretty much anything. 

“I was in the middle of making lasagne when we got called in,” Rossi added mournfully, index and thumb propping up his head. His accent lilted on lasagne. “I’ll have to restart from the beginning, my pasta will be soggy.” 

“I was halfway through the new episode of General Hospital,” JJ said with a grin, “Hoping the ending isn’t spoiled for me on the way home before I can finish it.”

Spencer smiled at that, because JJ was a bit obsessed with General Hospital and he knew how irritated she must’ve been having to leave half an episode unfinished. He tilted his head back against the headrest, taking a sip of lukewarm coffee.

“I was out with Savannah,” Derek chimed in, “She’s working nights this week so we probably won’t see each other for months now.” 

Ethan was pretty much the only person Spencer saw outside of work, regularly. He worked a relaxed schedule with the lounge, so when Spencer was back home they didn't usually struggle to make time to see each other. He didn’t know how Derek and Savannah did it, and they were an actual couple. 

“Jack was already asleep,” Hotch said with a rare quirk to his lips, “I had to move him to the car to take him to Jessica’s, he wasn’t happy.” 

“I was in the bath,” Emily smirked, and they all laughed, “I only have half a shaved leg.” They all giggled as Emily pulled up her trouser leg to show one half of her leg covered in stubble and the other half smooth. 

“What about you, Spence?” JJ asked with a playful smile, “What were you and Ethan up to?”

He tapped the lid of his coffee cup absentmindedly as he responded, “Dinner and a movie,” He shrugged easily, “Luckily, the movie had already finished when we got called in.”

He noticed Rossi’s eyebrows raise slightly, and Emily beamed at him. He shot a nervous smile back and drained the rest of his coffee.

“Is that why you were late yesterday?” Derek questioned, and Spencer knew he was joking but he scowled anyway. 

“I wasn’t late,” He huffed, narrowing his eyes. 

“Okay, but you were later than all of us,” Derek replied, innocently. Spencer didn’t respond, until Derek said, “Slacker.”

“I got there in forty-three minutes!” Spencer burst, and the others all began to grin at him, “Considering the time, my location and the travel patterns, that’s pretty much the fastest I could’ve-” He cut himself off as he saw Derek laughing, and elbowed the other man sharply in the ribs. 

Derek grunted and elbowed him back, so Spencer kicked him under the table. 

“Guys,” JJ broke in just as Derek was about to kick him back. The other man glared at him, folding his arms. 

“He started it,” He muttered, and Spencer grinned brightly in response. The rest of the team laughed, and when the jet landed he felt light, the feeling exacerbated when he felt his phone buzz and he pulled it out to read:

Shall we make good on pie when you’re back?

---

Tuesday, 27th January, 2015

“I think that she’d like whatever you get her,” Spencer told Penelope as she deliberated over two photo frames, one was made up of silver flowers with gemstones in the center of each, and the other was plain wood with leaves carved into it. 

“What did you get her?” She asked, turning to face him. 

“An original 1986 care bear annual. She said she had one every year as a child but a flood in her parents house destroyed the boxes she kept them in.” Her lips parted for a moment, and then she rolled her eyes, turning her back to him as she faced the shelf once more. 

“Well, I can’t just get her anything now you’ve gone and gotten her the world’s most perfect gift,” She huffed, and he couldn’t help but feel a bit of pride run through him. 

He loved buying presents for people. It was clearly Penelope’s love language, gift giving, she did it so frequently. Spencer never really had the social etiquette behind gift-giving down, so he didn’t do it as much as he would have liked. 

JJ had been devastated when her parents' garage had flooded and some of her childhood things had been ruined. Spencer had wanted to find at least one of the replacements for her, and had gone to the computers at the library to order one. 

“You’ve already got the cookies and you’ve knitted her a scarf,” Spencer pointed out. 

Penelope had spent the morning baking white chocolate and raspberry cookies (JJ’s favorite), and then demanded Spencer join her to go shopping for the rest of her present. 

“A scarf is like the easiest thing to knit,” She dismissed, “I wanted to put the picture of all of us at Henry’s birthday in a frame for her desk. Now, silver or wood?”

Spencer opened his mouth to respond, but Penelope was already talking, so he shut it again with a small smile. 

“I think silver.” She placed the wood frame back down with a clunk and ran her fingers over the gemstones. “I think it’s prettier.”

“She’ll love it,” Spencer promised, and Penelope grinned, linking her arm through his as they made their way through the department store to the registers. 

It was JJ’s birthday tomorrow, and barring any cases they had plans to go to a bar after work. Spencer’s present was already wrapped and on his coffee table, waiting to go. He knew that all of the team was going, as was Will. 

“Now,” Penelope turned to face him as they left the store, bag swinging from her arm, “Let's go clothes shopping. You desperately need more clothes, and I have fantastic taste.”

Spencer couldn’t hold back his grimace. Penelope always made him shop for clothes when he was with her, but he hated the whole process every single time. He did it for her, because he knew that she loved it, and she was right when she said that he didn’t buy new things very frequently. Years of not having enough money meant that he was used to wearing items until they were threadbare, but Penelope often reminded him that he didn’t have to do that anymore. 

“Come on,” She encouraged, “I can’t justify getting anymore clothes myself, my closet is struggling to close as is.” 

“Fine,” He relented and she squeaked, dragging him into a nearby store to begin rifling through clothes in the mens section. It was easier shopping with Penelope than it was on his own, because she seemed to know what he liked more than he did and would easily pull out items that were both comfortable and looked good. 

She held a shirt that was blue and white checked up to him. 

“You look best in blue, what do you think?” 

“Er, sure,” He agreed, nodding. He didn’t mind what he wore really, but Penelope was right, he did like blue. 

She rolled her eyes, and threw the shirt over her arm. 

“Come on, I want to make you look so good that Ethan is drooling for you,” She said, teasing, but Spencer knew it wasn’t malicious. Still, it made his face flood with heat and he choked a little. 

“Oh my god,” He muttered, which made Penelope giggle and place a hand on his shoulder. 

“Don’t worry, I have you covered, boy wonder.” She turned around again to begin flipping through the shirts once more, the screech of the hangers on the rail making him wince a little.

He was a bit confused by the implication of Penelope making him look good for Ethan. He was aware of his own feelings for the man (he wasn’t that emotionally repressed, thank you very much), but Ethan had said that he didn’t want to lose Spencer as a friend, suggesting that he didn’t want their relationship to go any further. With a sickening jolt, he thought that maybe everyone knew about Spencer’s feelings, including Ethan. Was Penelope trying to help him win Ethan over or something? He wanted to respect the other man’s wishes. 

However, Ethan hadn’t acted any differently now to when he first moved. If anything, he was friendlier. Maybe Ethan didn’t know about Spencer’s feelings. 

“How did you and Ethan meet anyway?” Penelope asked, breaking him out of his thoughts. She held a shirt with large spots up to him, wrinkled her nose and put it back. 

“We met at CalTech,” He said, putting his hands in his pockets, “We got assigned to the same chem project, being the two youngest people in the program.” 

She was smiling, but moved on to pants, feeling the material by patting it down.

“It must have been nice having someone else your age to work with.” 

“Actually, we hated each other,” He frowned, making Penelope laugh and turn her head to look at him. His lips quirked, nodding slightly, “Or, well, I hated him. I don’t think Ethan could truly hate anyone if he tried.” 

She moved over a few racks, and he dutifully followed her, accepting an armful of clothes when she had too many to be able to look through the rails easily. 

“Both of us had grown up being the smartest people our age,” He mused, “I think it was a shock for us when we had adequate competition.” 

“Poor little perfectionist Spencer,” Penelope giggled, pushing her glasses up her nose a little further. 

It was true, Spencer had felt true fire in his stomach the first day that Ethan had beaten him to the answer in class. Out of spite, he’d been cold and distant. Ethan was everything that he was, but charming, easy to talk to and funny. He also had a loving family who he visited on weekends. He remembered being so jealous of him. Ethan, in return, had matched his energy when Spencer had put his full effort into one-upping the other boy.

“How did you get over it?”

“Er,” He hesitated, going a bit pink. 

Images of them arguing over their project flashed in his head, along with the sound Ethan’s frustrated groan as he ran his hands through his hair. Ethan had shot a remark at him, Spencer had called him infuriating, and all too soon they were inches away from each other. 

‘I’m infuriating?” Ethan said incredulously, “I’m not the one being pedantic about every single detail!”

“It’s not pedantic,” Spencer argued back, folding his arms over his chest, “It’s precise.” 

“Oh my god,” Ethan muttered, rubbing his forehead with his hand, “You’re so unbelievable-”

“I don’t know why you’re bothered anyway, I’m the one who’s writing up the results-”

“I’m have to present the methodology-”

“I did all the research-”

Ethan groaned again, cutting him off, and Spencer was startled by the other boy's lips crashing onto his own, angry and insistent. Despite his surprise, he reacted fast, gasping as his back hit the edge of the table he had just been pushed into, but kissing back eagerly. 

“Or did you get over it by getting under him?” Penelope’s voice was sly, clearly having noticed his lack of attention to the present moment, and he blinked away the nice images of their first kiss. 

He felt his face burn instantly, and she laughed again, bright. 

“Pen,” He hissed, “Lower your voice.” 

“Am I right?”

“I was sixteen!” His voice was slightly high-pitched, and he was desperately willing the red in his face to go away, “I’m not answering that.”

She giggled again, picked up a sweater and then threw it over her arm. 

“Come on, lover boy, changing rooms.”

---

Sunday, 1st February, 2015

“You couldn’t just let it go,” Ethan said fondly as they walked down the street on a rare Sunday afternoon off. It was brisk but sunny, and they had just been to a talk for an exhibition on astrophysics at the Smithsonian. 

He’d brought up that he was going to Ethan last week, having been looking forward to hearing the speaker talk through the exhibition for a while now. He hadn't expected Ethan to ask if he could go too, but agreed eagerly nonetheless. 

“He was wrong,” Spencer argued back indignantly, causing Ethan to roll his eyes with a small groan. 

The issue had occurred when the speaker had dimmed the lights to show them a short video, and the man in front of where they were sitting had started telling the woman he was with facts that were incorrect. All Spencer had done was lean forward to correct him.

“A fact you reminded him of several times.” Ethan squeezed his arm where they were interlinked, chuckling. 

“I thought I was being helpful,” he frowned, genuinely confused. Why would he want to have the wrong answers to questions? Especially if he was trying to teach others?

“And I appreciate that,” Ethan considered, “But this very large man wanted to discuss how helpful you were with us outside, and despite the fact that we’re now adults, we still probably won’t win in a fight.”

Spencer did laugh at that, because it was true. There was some truth to Morgan’s jabs when he teased Spencer about his lack of strength. 

“Can we get coffee?”

“Of course,” Ethan responded, squeezing his arm once more, “Wouldn’t want you to become deficient or something.”

They turned into a nearby coffee shop, where Ethan ordered for both of them, already knowing Spencer’s drink order. Spencer eyed a chocolate muffin, so Ethan ordered one of them as well, telling Spencer they’ll share it when he protested. 

They had just left the shop, and Ethan had slid his arm back through Spencer’s, his other hand holding his coffee cup tightly, when he heard his name.

“Spencer!” He raised a hand above his head to shield his eyes from the sun, spotting Derek approaching them a little way away. 

The other man was holding Savannah’s hand, and on his left was Penelope, hand-in-hand with Sam. He and Ethan stepped to the side to allow two women past, and as Spencer turned back around, the group had caught him up. 

“Hey,” Penelope smiled at him, dimples showing, instantly hugging him, “What are you doing here?”

“Just getting coffee,” He replied, giving Derek a brief hug too, since he was offering. 

“We could be finishing an exhibition on astrophysics at the Smithsonian,” Ethan inputted, “But Spencer got us kicked out,”

Penelope giggled, and Derek grinned at him as a flush crept up Spencer’s neck. 

“We didn’t get kicked out,” He denied petulantly, “You felt as though we were unwelcome.” 

They all laughed at that, even though Spencer wasn’t trying to make a joke. Ethan’s eyes were twinkling, and then they shifted over to the group standing opposite them, and Spencer suddenly realized what he’s insinuating. 

“Ethan, this is Derek and Penelope, they’re at the BAU. Sam and Savannah,” He said, gesturing to each person with his coffee cup as he goes, “This is Ethan,” He introduced, looking back to the others. 

“Nice to finally meet you,” Ethan greeted with a large smile, lifting his own coffee cup up in a small wave. 

“Likewise, man,” Derek nodded. 

“Oh my god,” Penelope gasped, tugging on Sam’s arm who was looking a little lost, “You guys can join us now for our dinners!” 

“Yeah!” Savannah joined in enthusiastically, nudging Derek who was smiling at Spencer with a knowing look. 

“That sounds great,” Ethan replied, and when Spencer looked at him he noticed that the man’s cheeks were slightly red. He felt confusion tug at him, and he got the feeling that he’d missed something but he couldn’t tell what it was.

“JJ and Will never come anymore because they have Henry,” Penelope explained, “And we need more people for bowling too.” She sounded so bright, beaming with happiness, pushing her glasses further up her nose. 

He tried not to grimace. Bowling balls in bowling alleys were almost never cleaned, meaning that there was a massive amount of germs on each one. That, coupled with the fact that he had to wear public shoes meant bowling alleys were not his first choice for his free time.

“Don’t worry,” Derek said, smirking, as if he could read Spencer’s mind, “We’ll get you your own ball and shoes, kid.” 

Ethan snorted at that, but Spencer smiled anyway, feeling better already. 

They talked idly for a couple more minutes, and then separated with happy goodbyes leaving Spencer and Ethan to walk arm in arm down the road again. 

“They seem nice,” Ethan said brightly, taking a long sip of his coffee. 

“They are,” Spencer confirmed instantly. 

He knew it was slightly strange, but the whole team was his family. They were his people, he wanted Ethan to understand that their opinions mean more to him than anything else. They knew Spencer the best out of anyone, and he would take a bullet for any of them. 

Ethan turned to him, “It was kind of them to invite us to dinner."

Spencer nodded again. They hadn’t set any plans, but the open invitation was a nice sentiment anyway. He knew that Derek, Savannah, Penelope and Sam saw each other once every few weeks for a double date, as they’d just witnessed. It might be slightly weird if he and Ethan crashed them, but maybe they just wanted to hang out with Spencer more, it wouldn’t be the first time they’d tried to invite him along to things. Although, usually that was with more of the team. 

When Ethan had to leave to visit his grandmother, they stopped to split down the road from Spencer’s apartment block. 

“I’ve had a good morning.” 

Spencer smiled widely at that. He was so used to attending things like the exhibition alone, he’d been so surprised when Ethan had asked to come. He was equally as pleased that the other man had enjoyed himself. The others usually thought he was insane for going to such events by choice. 

“Despite having to leave early?” He asked tentatively, although he knew Ethan found it funny more than anything. 

“Yes,” Ethan laughed, “Thanks for taking me.” 

Ethan unlinked their arms and moved round to face him, though he stayed very close. Spencer inhaled the smell of his cologne, stomach clenching. He kept his breathing very even, and Ethan tilted his head slightly, appraising him. 

Then, Ethan leant forward and brushed his lips very gently on Spencer’s cheek. Spencer’s chest constricted tightly and his breath caught sharply. He turned his head away slightly, because if he kept his own lips only inches away from the other man’s, he'd do something incredibly stupid like actually kiss him. 

Ethan stepped away with a smile, squeezing Spencer’s hand. 

“See you later, Spence,” He murmured, before dropping his hand. 

“Bye,” Spencer mumbled back, brows knitting together as the other man turned to begin walking down the street.

His cheek was tingling from where Ethan’s soft lips were pressed, and he rubbed it softly, before turning and making his own way to his apartment.

Just friends. 

Chapter Text

---

Wednesday, 4th February, 2015

Whilst not the most exciting part of his job, Spencer liked having to go through files. Derek did not. They’d been tasked with going through a tall set of files in a rural precinct in Montana to find a paper trail from the 80s. Spencer was working through his stacks fast, and passing on anything relevant to Derek to sort through. Not that he’d done it without complaint. 

“This is so boring,” Derek moaned for the fourth time in the past 74 minutes, placing a file back down on the table and leaning back in his chair, rubbing the back of his head. 

“The sooner we figure this out the sooner we can find where the unsub got his MO,” Spencer muttered, shutting yet another file and putting it on the reject section of the table. 

Derek sighed but still didn't pick the paper back up, instead taking a drink out of his mug, “I hate just sitting here,” He grouched. 

Spencer, used to spending most of his time sitting doing work behind the scenes, had to smile at that. 

“Not enough doors for you to kick down?” He smirked, and Derek narrowed his eyes at him. 

Spencer grinned internally, Derek was so easy to get a rise out of. Spencer didn’t like to be purposefully annoying, but over his time at the BAU he and Derek had fallen into an easy rhythm of light teasing that Spencer enjoyed greatly. 

“We’re not getting anywhere!” He protested, but he did pick the file up this time. 

“ You’re not getting anywhere,” Spencer pointed out, gesturing to his much larger pile of files, “I’m doing just fine.” 

Derek glared at him again, but went quiet as he began to read. After a few minutes, he huffed and snapped the file shut, slapping it onto another pile. 

“Useless,” He muttered, “What do you want for lunch?” 

“I’ve got coffee,” Spencer responded absentmindedly, fingers tracing idly down his paper. He frowned, grabbing another file and holding them side by side. 

“That’s not lunch, kid,” Derek replied with his tone fond, tapping idly on the table. Spencer smiled but didn't respond, beginning to focus on something from a report made in 1986. 

They went quiet again, Spencer eagerly beginning to pull files he’s previously looked at as dates begin to line up, showing a clear pattern of MOs from 30 years ago. He could feel Derek’s eyes on him, but didn’t pay it too much attention, wanting to finally find what they’ve been looking for during the past 2 hours. 

“How are things going with Ethan?” Derek questioned after another moment, and the question was so unexpected he actually looked up from his work to glance at Derek. He was chewing the lid of his pen, which made him grimace to himself, but other than that he looks casual. 

“Fine,” He replied, blinking in surprise, “Why?”

The other man shrugged a little, taking the pen out of his mouth to tap the other end on the table, “Just wondered, it was nice seeing you guys the other day.” 

Spencer frowned at this slightly. He didn’t understand what Derek meant by ‘how things were going’, Ethan and he had been friends for years. They hadn’t spoken to each other in a while before he moved, but they were just as close as ever. Spencer hadn’t had any worries when Ethan first came to D.C. that there may be any awkwardness, and now he’s thinking that maybe he should have been worried. 

He didn’t say anything back, staring unfocused at the table with a furrowed brow as he thought this over, before snapping himself back out of it and beginning to work again. He flipped faster through the files now, desperate to not focus on his relationship with Ethan. 

“I hope-” Derek started, but cut himself off. Spencer looked up again, one page hovering open in the file. Derek was looking at him carefully, and he seemed slightly agitated. 

“I hope I never made you uncomfortable,” He announced, making Spencer’s eyebrows raise, “Ya know, trying to set you up with women, and stuff…” 

Spencer was lost. It must have shown on his face because Derek sighed, and briefly shut his eyes, and then he sat up straight and looked at Spencer intently. 

“I didn’t know you were gay. I’m sorry if teasing you about getting with women made you uncomfortable.” 

“I’m not gay,” He countered instantly, but he was just as confused as ever. 

This was a completely different conversation, and he was now worrying about what brought it on. Was Derek aware of his relationship with Ethan before he joined the BAU? Did he know about Spencer’s current developing feelings? 

“Oh,” Derek frowned, and Spencer realized belatedly that his statement probably came out slightly defensive. 

“I’m bisexual,” He explained, and Derek’s expression cleared, “So don’t feel bad.” 

He feels as though that should have been slightly obvious. Lila Archer... Maeve...

He swallowed around the lump in his throat, blinking back the heat behind his eyes.

“Right.” 

Spencer looked back to his file, but he wasn’t taking any of it in. His heart felt as though it was going very fast. He was a logical person, he knew there’s nothing wrong with being bisexual. Homosexuality was found in most species, and despite his fathers’ and Nevada State High Schools’ attempts, he was comfortable in his sexuality. He was just unused to sharing his romantic life with the team. 

“Thank you for telling me,” Derek offered, and Spencer felt his shoulders relax without realizing that they were tense. He smiled a little, but didn't look back up. 

Instead, he turned two files around and slid them across the table. 

“Look at this,” He murmured, beginning to explain his findings. 

---

Friday, 6th February, 2015

They’re tired, dirty and hungry. Rossi had already disappeared for cigars and whiskey at home, and even Hotch was packing up to leave despite the mounds of paperwork on his desk. Despite this, when JJ suggested drinks at a bar in DC because Henry was visiting his grandma, they all easily agreed. 

Will had met them at the bar, having ordered them some food already, which they set on like they hadn’t eaten in several hours. Which, for Spencer at least, he hadn’t. 

They were laughing at a story that Derek was telling, and Spencer had just finished his fries, finally feeling sated after the frantic return from New York. He liked when the team can hang out like this, and he’s surrounded by most of his favorite people, and he basked a little in the comfort they bring him. 

“Invite Sam!” JJ was encouraging Penelope, who was already two cocktails deep and giggling. 

“He has to work,” She pouted, sighing dramatically, “I assume that’s where Savannah is?” 

“She’s on night shifts,” Derek confirmed, taking a swig from his bottle.

Spencer swiped one of his onion rings, and Derek glared at him but didn't say anything, pursing his lips slightly. Spencer gave him an innocent smile, biting into the batter with a small laugh. 

“Where’s Ethan?” JJ asked him, tapping him slightly on the arm to get him to turn to her. 

“He has the night off. So at home, probably,” He replied, swallowing and using his napkin to wipe the grease off his finger and thumb with a wrinkle of his nose. 

JJ handed him a baby wipe, and he smiled very wide at that, thanking her. 

“He doesn’t want to come join us?” Penelope questioned curiously, leaning forward. Her face was slightly flushed, and she had got her head resting on Derek’s shoulder, who was grinning fondly at her. 

“I can ask,” He suggested tentatively, and they all agreed enthusiastically, so he slid his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it. 

He already has a message waiting from Ethan. 

Did you get back okay? 

Yes, thank you. We’re at the bar on the corner of 18th and East, if you want to join us?

I’d love to x

If I’m not intruding?

No, of course not

I’ll be there in 20 :) 

Spencer slid his phone away, and JJ gave him a small smile, clearly having been reading over his shoulder. He was very aware that this was the first time they were meeting Ethan, but he didn’t know why that made him so nervous. Ethan was just his friend, and he was one of the nicest people he knew, so he had no doubt that they would like him. 

It’s just that, the team was his family, in a strange way he wanted them to approve of Ethan. 

Will was talking about a case he’d just been assigned, and he snapped out of his thoughts to listen, smiling along with everyone else at his drawling voice. They had just started a healthy debate when JJ nudged his arm and pointed towards the door, where he could see Ethan, who was looking around for them. 

He slipped out of the booth that they’re in, and made his way over. 

“Oh, hey,” Ethan greeted with a smile when he finally spotted him, and before Spencer has even said anything yet Ethan was hugging him, “I missed you.” 

Spencer’s breath stuttered slightly, and he felt warmth spread through him so fast he couldn’t stop the bashful smile that took over his face as he hugged the other man back. 

“Missed you too,” He murmured before pulling away, the socially acceptable amount of time to embrace coming to an end, Ethan’s hand rested on his arm however. 

It had been a relatively short case, but they’d not seen each other since the case before, since Ethan had been so busy with the lounge and Spencer had been recovering from a cold. 

Spencer led him over to the table, and JJ and Will moved further up so that Ethan could sit beside Spencer. 

“Hey guys, thanks for inviting me,” Ethan shrugged his leather jacket off as he sat down, leaving him in a long sleeved v-neck jersey, and he pushed the sleeves up to his elbows. Spencer’s gaze lingered on his forearms, before quickly looking away.

“This is JJ, Will and Emily,” Spencer introduced, gesturing to them as he went around, “You met Derek and Penelope a couple of weeks ago.”

“Nice to see you again, man,” Derek said, and Penelope groaned as he jostled her on his shoulder. 

“You met up?” JJ demanded, frowning at him. 

He raised his eyebrows at her, tracing the concentration down the side of his vodka tonic. 

“No, we were on a double date and we ran into them getting coffee,” Penelope explained, and then giggled again, even though she’d not made a joke yet, “You were busy with your husband and child, selfishly.” 

Emily laughed at that, and sipped at her glass as she tried not to bump against Will, who had his arm around JJ. They were all pretty crammed into this booth, but the atmosphere was friendly and casual, so no one minded too much.

Spencer could feel Ethan’s heat pressed into his side and it was both infuriating and comforting in equal measure, and when he dared a glance at the other man, Ethan just smiled at him, soft and intimate. 

They all settled easily into conversation, and he felt as though Ethan made a good impression. He and Will chatted about New Orleans for a moment, but a large amount of their time was spent talking about cases, giggling as everyone became more tipsy. 

Spencer didn’t usually drink, but he didn’t feel too out of place today, and so he just had the one, and felt slightly lighter by the time he was halfway through. Ethan was sipping a whiskey, his arm stretching over the back of the booth, over the top of Spencer’s shoulders, not touching but very close. 

“She was so coming onto you,” Emily argued fiercely to Derek, her own drink almost finished, cheeks flushed slightly.

They were talking about a very recent case, where a witness they had spoken to had spent most of their interview trying to get Derek’s number. 

“What am I meant to do?” Derek responded defensively, “I didn’t want to upset her, she might have seen something and then not cooperated.” 

“You could have not given her your number,” Spencer noted with raised eyebrows, making Penelope burst into giggles for what seemed like the hundredth time that evening.

“I gave her the department's number,” Derek corrected, and they all shared an amused glance, “Anyway, you’re one to talk.” 

“Yeah, Spence,” JJ commented slyly, “Are we not forgetting a certain someone?” 

Spencer felt as though he knew where this was going, but he feigned innocence, stirring his straw around his almost-empty drink and avoiding eye contact. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Ethan snorted next to him, and so Spencer knocked his knee against his sharply under the table. He glared at JJ, but JJ was now three drinks deep and loose-lipped. 

“Yeah, right,” She grinned at him, “Lila Archer?” 

Everyone except Will and Ethan began snickering, and Spencer felt hot under his collar, and he sipped a little at the melted ice from his glass. 

“Lila Archer?” Ethan choked slightly next to him in surprise, and Spencer turned to find the other man’s eyebrows raised, a small smile on his lips. Spencer didn’t know what to say, but that seemed to be okay, because JJ was already talking again. 

“They made out in her pool,” JJ leaned forward and spoke through giggles, the straw from her drink in between her lips, eyes dancing with mirth. 

Ethan laughed very loudly, eyes shut and cheeks flushed, and the others all followed suit easily. Spencer felt his entire face flood with heat, and he glared daggers at the blonde, who was unfazed. 

“JJ,” He groaned. 

“What?” She defended herself through a grin, “You did!” 

He willed the red that was in his face to go down, but the bar was warm and he was in a long sleeve shirt and a sweater vest, so it probably wasn't likely. 

“What happened to ‘200 outbreaks of illness are linked to pools in a year, leading to infection, hospitalization and death’,” Ethan quoted with ease, lips quirking. 

“208,” Spencer corrected, and they all snickered at him, “And that’s public pools, it was private, which reduces the rate of infection by 87%,” He muttered, and downed the last of his drink. Ethan was looking at him with a fond smile, but Spencer refused to make eye contact, mortified.

JJ ruffled his hair and he groaned, ducking away before straightening it out again. Thankfully, they then moved away from his disastrous love life, and after another hour they were calling it a night. 

It was raining heavily, so Will, Ethan and Derek headed to find cabs whilst the others settled the tab and gathered their coats. 

“He’s so nice,” Penelope shook his arm slightly after the others had left. 

“Yeah,” Spencer nodded, sliding his coat on even though he was far too warm. 

“He seems to really like you,” Emily commented, and her voice was encouraging enough that Spencer looked up. All three women were looking at him with massive smiles, and so Spencer nodded again, a little confused. 

“Yeah,” Spencer agreed again, brow furrowed. 

Obviously Ethan liked him, they were friends? Emily knew that they decided to stay friends, and that they did that to not make things awkward. It would make sense that they still liked each other, they’d not let anything come in the way of their friendship. 

He shook his head, and JJ patted his arm as they left their table, making their way to the door.

They stepped outside, and the wind bit at his flushed cheeks, and he shuddered slightly. They all said goodbye to each other, and he and Ethan clambered into one of the cabs together, shutting out the noise of the bar and the rain. 

“Thank you for inviting me,” Ethan murmured, and Spencer removed his gaze from looking outside the window to look at the other man. 

“Of course, it was nice having you there.” 

Ethan leaned forward, and slotted his hand into Spencer’s, linking their fingers together and running his thumb over the back of his hand. Spencer fought to keep his breathing even, reminding himself that Ethan often holds hands with his friends, and it doesn’t mean anything. 

Still, when Ethan leant over and placed his head on Spencer’s shoulder, he allowed a moment to shut his eyes and smile to himself, enjoying the peace.

---

Wednesday, 11th February, 2014

One thing about Spencer was that he was always aware of the time. His brain just kept track of how many minutes and seconds had passed in an amount of time. If Morgan didn’t have a watch on him he would ask Spencer the time. Spencer could only give him an approximation, but he was right 69% of the time and within a minute another 28% of the time. 

Which is why he knew that he was running late. Usually he got the metro that got him into work at 7:27, because although the one after would still technically get him in on time, if there were any issues he would run the risk of being late. Until 7:50 (when Rossi got in), it was usually just Spencer and Hotch at the office.

But last night, he and Ethan had been at Ethan’s apartment watching the Lord of the Rings movies, and Spencer had fallen asleep on his couch. He’d woken up late, causing Ethan to startle awake. 

He was sure that when he’d woken up his legs had been laying over Ethan, and he was covered in a blanket he definitely hadn’t fallen asleep in, but he’d been so stressed about being late he’d not acknowledged it. Ethan offered to drive him, but due to morning traffic Spencer had just asked him to drive Spencer back to his own apartment to get ready. 

He rocked anxiously on his feet as his train stopped yet again, checking his watch as he tried straightening out his hair. All he’d had time to do was get dressed, brush his teeth and wash his face, quickly running a comb through his hair rather than taking the time to style it the way he usually would. 

He’d also not had time to put in his contacts, so he was wearing his glasses. He’d not even had any coffee yet. 

8:14. He chewed the inside of his lip. Although their day didn’t technically start until 8:30, Spencer always liked to get in earlier. Hotch got in first at 7am sharp, then Spencer, Rossi, JJ, Emily, Penelope and lastly Derek would roll in at 8:25.

He dreaded to think of the amount of files the others would have slipped onto his stack by the time he got there. He rubbed at his eye under his glasses tiredly, pushing them up his face, before eagerly stepping off as soon as the doors allowed. 

He walked very fast through the station and through their building, and by the time he was stepping into the office of the BAU it was 8:28. He sped towards his desk, but was caught by Derek. 

“Pretty boy,” JJ, Emily and Penelope, who were all gathered around their desks, turned to them with a smile, “Nice of you to finally show up.” Derek was grinning, and Spencer tried not to let his cheeks go red as the older man slung an arm around his shoulders. 

“I’m not late,” He protested, taking his bag off and setting it on the floor by his desk, shrugging off the arm and slumping into his seat. 

“You’re later than you usually are,” JJ noted, taking a drink of her coffee as she sat on the edge of his desk. Spencer did flush at that, feeling slightly out of his breath from his almost-run from the metro station to his desk. 

“I got a later train,” He muttered, taking the nearest file and flipping it open, eager to get away from this conversation. 

“Because you were running late,” Derek said lightly from behind him, and without looking Spencer knew the man was still grinning. 

“I woke up later than usual,” He retorted quickly, feeling a bit claustrophobic from his four friends crowding around his desk. Well, Emily was sitting opposite him at her own desk, but the point still stood. 

“Late night?” She asked, brushing back some of her dark hair with a small, teasing smile. 

“No,” He almost-snapped petulantly, feeling the tops of his ears burning. Penelope giggled, and set down a cup of coffee for him which he snatched eagerly, taking a long sip. By his estimation, he didn’t fall asleep until 2am, during the third film of the series. They didn’t need to know that.

Derek’s hand clapped down on his shoulder with a chuckle, and Spencer shrugged him off, irritated. He was running on little sleep, no coffee and he couldn't stop thinking about Ethan’s mussed hair this morning. He was irritated at himself for staying over, he felt as though that was crossing boundaries and lines would get blurred in his head.

“So I traced your cell back to Ethan’s place this morning because…” Penelope trailed off with a playful tone, and Spencer rolled his eyes. They all snickered behind him like children, and he started writing his report. 

“Why are you tracking my cell anyway?” He muttered, annoyed. 

“What?” She said defensively, “I just like to check that my little dots are all tucked up in bed and safe.” 

JJ and Emily raised their eyebrows, but Derek slung his arm around her shoulders with a smile. 

“At least you use your power for good,” He smirked, “Although our resident genius wasn’t tucked up in his bed, was he?” They all sniggered again and Spencer pursed his lips, cheeks blooming with red again. 

He was about to argue that Penelope invading their personal lives couldn’t possibly be a good thing, but Hotch and Rossi were walking past them. 

“Reid,” Hotch greeted with a nod, “I hope you’re alright?”

“I got here on time,” He replied instantly, making all the other agents around him giggle again. Hotch raised one eyebrow at him, and Spencer felt his cheeks go red once more, groaning as Derek ruffled his hair. 

“It’s okay, I believe you,” Hotch said kindly as Spencer tried to flatten his hair with narrowed eyes at Morgan, “We have a case, guys.”

They teased Spencer all the way to the round table, but as soon as they settled down in their chairs they dropped it, so he could finally let his shoulders relax as they began to discuss. Later, when they were on the jet sitting quietly, no one needs to know if he let his mind drift to the thought of sleeping next to Ethan.

---

Saturday, 14th February, 2015

They were on a case in Arizona in the middle of February, and the slightly warmer weather was a pleasant change to the usual rain and chill he was used to. He was sharing a room with Morgan, but he’d been so busy with the case they’d both only really slept for a couple of hours at a time. 

It reached the third day of the case, and it was Valentine's day. Penelope had already told them she loved them three times over call, and JJ has already lightly complained about her and Will’s reservation at a restaurant in DC going to waste. 

“I need to start dating again,” Emily muttered over her cereal bar and coffee, “This is my fourth Valentine’s day in a row without a date.” 

“Me too,” Rossi added with raised eyebrows, “If that makes you feel any better.” 

“It doesn’t,” Emily scowled, making Rossi huff a laugh. Spencer was tracing his finger down some diaries they had been given from the latest victim’s family, and it seemed that the other two had left him to it. He felt as though he should input that he’s only celebrated Valentine’s once, but that probably wouldn’t make her feel better either. 

When they were in college, Ethan had convinced him for ages that they should do something for the day, and they’d ended up back in their little flat with Ethan cooking him dinner. They’d spent the day laughing and affectionate, letting the chicken burn whilst they giggled in the sheets of both of their twin beds that they had pushed together. He smiled to himself as the memories cropped up.

Derek bought them all coffees, and Emily groaned at the love hearts printed on the cups, leaning her head back against the wall. They all laughed at her, and she muttered something about being surrounded by happy people in relationships. 

At 11:06 he got a message from Ethan.

Happy valentine’s! Missing you x

He smiled to himself, but as the cursor was blinking waiting for his response, he frowned. Did friends wish each other happy Valentine’s days? Penelope always did, but she also very frequently told them that she loved them, so her standards of friendship were probably different to others. 

He chewed the inside of his cheek thoughtfully. Was it possible that Ethan did have feelings for him? 

“Everything alright?” Emily asked him as she came out of the bathroom a few moments later, and he looked up from his phone. She had ditched her jacket, and she crossed her arms across her chest as she looked at him appraisingly, obviously detecting his discomfort. 

He hesitated for just a moment, and then handed her the phone to show her the message. She gazed over it, and then smiled, her tongue poking between her teeth. 

“That’s so nice.” She handed him back his phone, looking at him fondly.

“Yeah,” He said slowly, “So it’s normal?”

She raised an eyebrow at him, clearly confused. He felt his cheeks go red, and got the feeling that this is one of those social situations that he should have figured out by himself pretty easily. 

“Er, yes?” She sounded slightly unsure, like she didn’t want to come across patronizingly, “He’s just acknowledging the day, even if you guys can’t be together. Don’t overthink it.” 

He hated that phrase. Spencer literally overthought everything, all the time. He couldn’t turn his brain off, so he ran every possibility of every scenario to every decision. 

“Right,” He muttered, and then they were called over by JJ who had just gotten off the phone with Garcia, new information uncovered. 

He quickly typed out a response to Ethan before he got side-tracked,

Happy Valentine’s Day :)

---

Wednesday, 18th February, 2015

“Good?” Ethan asked one evening a few days later. 

They were at Ethan’s apartment again, since he had a bigger television than Spencer did, and he’d wanted to watch a movie ‘on a tv in color’. Ethan had made them dinner, a pasta dish, which Spencer had eagerly set on. He got back from a case an hour ago, and made his way to Ethan’s shortly after. His hair was still damp from his shower. 

“Mhm,” He nodded before swallowing his mouthful, “What’s in it?” 

“Grandma’s secret recipe, she would say that it’s full of stuff that’s not very good for you.” 

Ethan’s lips quirked and he licked a smear of sauce off his bottom lip, making Spencer look away very fast, “But you could do with feeding up.” 

Spencer rolled his eyes, taking another large mouthful. He’d always been skinny, but he ate fine, he was just a bit forgetful sometimes and people assumed he didn’t ever eat. 

Ethan pressed play on the movie and they watched in comfortable silence as they ate, and when he’s finished he feels pleasantly full and warm. Ethan pulled his legs up onto the couch, and a bit later they stretched out down so that his feet were in Spencer’s lap. 

Spencer stilled a little, trying to work out if this was just another thing that Ethan did with his friends. He was a tactile man, and they did hold hands when they walk now more often than not. Theoretically, it wasn’t much different. Ethan seemed unaware of his thoughts, settling his head down onto one of the throw cushions and curling his toes slightly. 

Spencer hesitantly set a hand on his calf, and although he’s wearing jeans, he could feel Ethan’s heat. Ethan smiled wide at him, which reassured him slightly, so he slouched a little more to get comfortable, throwing his own legs up on the coffee table. 

Spencer asked a lot of questions throughout the movie, since Ethan had seen it before, and Ethan answered every single one. He did laugh when Spencer frowned at the obvious mistakes within the legal system, pointing out that large criminal cases take months to go through. 

When the credits rolled, it was very dark outside and Ethan’s living room was illuminated only by a warm glow from the lamp near his keyboard. 

Ethan sat up, stretching, and Spencer shamelessly trailed his eyes over the sliver of skin that’s revealed at his waist whilst Ethan’s eyes were screwed shut. He swallowed thickly. 

“I should go,” Spencer murmured, even though he was very comfortable, and he really didn’t want to go outside into the dark and cold, “I have work tomorrow.” 

Ethan tilted his head a little, smiling softly. His feet were still in Spencer’s lap, despite having sat up now, and they were close. He rested his chin on his folded arms which are settled on his knees, blinking slowly at Spencer. 

“Okay.”

It was quiet for a moment, and Spencer couldn’t bring himself to take his eyes off Ethan, breath a little shallow and incredibly confused. He knew he needed to get up, before he said or did something stupid.

“Did you want to do something next Tuesday?” Ethan said quietly, and Spencer could tell that Ethan’s eyes were hovering over his lips, “If you’re around.”

Spencer frowned, he hadn’t got any plans, but usually Ethan messaged him when he was available and they met. He didn’t understand why he wanted to see him on Tuesday specifically. Ethan’s eyes flicked back up to meet his, likely due to his hesitation.

“Sure,” He replied anyway, voice low to match the quiet atmosphere in the apartment. 

“3 months,” Ethan grinned languidly, “Since that first date.”

Spencer felt his insides freeze, blood rushing in his ears. Date? Their dinner at the Chinese restaurant where Ethan told him he wanted to stay just friends was supposed to be a date?

He looked away quickly, mind racing, heart beating very fast. If that was a date, does that mean all of the times they’ve met up since then have been dates? 

“I figured that’s when this whole thing started,” Ethan was saying, but Spencer couldn’t look at him because he didn’t want the alarm that’s boiling through him to show on his face and alert the other man of the fact that he-

That he didn’t know they were dating. He tasted a metallic tang in his mouth and realized that he’d bitten the inside of his cheek too hard. He released the skin. 

“So I just thought we could go out somewhere.” Ethan was still talking, so he tried to tune back in through his panic, nodding and humming even though he wasn’t really sure what he was talking about. 

“I know that a three month anniversary is not particularly special,” Ethan wrinkled his nose slightly, and Spencer’s breath caught a little, “But it might be fun.”

“Yeah,” Spencer breathed, and his lungs felt tight, “Yeah, of course.” 

He didn’t know what to do. Did he tell Ethan? That probably wouldn’t go over well. How could he not know? He knew that he’d been quiet for too long, so he cleared his throat and ran his hand through his hair, sitting forward and putting more of a gap between him and Ethan. 

“I’ve got to get back.” What felt warm and comfortable now felt oppressive and stuffy, and he was desperate for some fresh air. 

“Okay,” Ethan shrugged easily, still sounding pleased, “Text me when you get home.” 

Ethan swung his feet off of Spencer’s lap, and stood. He walked Spencer to his door, waiting whilst Spencer quickly shrugged on his coat, slipping on his shoes. When he was done, Ethan hugged him, pressing his cheek against Spencer’s shoulder, and leaving a lingering kiss against his cheek as he pulled away. 

“Sleep well,” He rubbed his eye a little, yawning, and Spencer felt so out of his depth. 

“You too,” He managed, desperate to leave and sort out his own thoughts. 

He didn’t stop when Ethan’s door shut behind him, or down the stairs, even in the lobby or down the street in case Ethan was watching him from his window or something. As soon as he had turned the corner he collapsed against the wall, breathing harshly from his fast pace and thoughts racing. 

He scrubbed a hand down his face, swallowing around the lump in his throat. He’d been in a relationship for three months? Or were they still just dating? 

He screwed his face up, groaning, to him they were the same thing but he knew that in many social contexts some people would say one was more casual than the other. Spencer didn’t really do casual, and this was exactly why. 

A lady crossing the street looked at him with a frown and he realized that he needed to get home and think about this more, so he straightened up and began walking very fast, desperate to lock himself away to rethink every single interaction between himself and Ethan since college. 

He was going to get to the bottom of this. 

---

Thursday, 19th February, 2015

Spencer hadn’t slept. He’d spent a very long time going over every single moment of the last three months, and not gotten any further. Now that he knew they had been dating, everything seemed so clear. 

The valentine’s message, the team telling him to invite him for drinks, the hand-holding, the dinners and constant messages. It didn’t make him any less confused, Ethan had said he didn’t want to ruin their friendship, why would he say that if they were on a date?

Unless he wanted to acknowledge that their friendship came first? But why wouldn’t it… they had always been friends. Or had they? They’d been academic rivals before Ethan kissed him for the first time. 

He had gone round and round like this all night. At around three in the morning, he had resigned himself to go to bed, but he had just laid wide awake still berating himself for not having cottoned on sooner. He’d been so distracted that he’d taken twice the amount of time he usually did to get ready, and had to run for his train.

He didn’t read like he usually would, instead clutching his bag on his lap tightly, rubbing his finger and thumb against the strap of his bag, thinking hard. Why wouldn’t Emily tell him? She’d coached him through the nervousness when Spencer had been unsure about their first date. 

She knew he struggled with cues, they all knew he struggled with cues. The others probably thought he had it under control by the time that they had found out, but Emily was his confidant from the start, she could have let something slip. 

He was so lost in thought he didn’t get off at his usual stop, and had a much longer walk than planned to get to the office. By the time he got into the building, most of the team would already be there, bar Derek, unless by some miracle the other man had decided to come in early. 

When he came through the doors, he spotted Emily sitting at her desk, JJ perched on the edge as they talked over cups of coffee. JJ being there wasn’t ideal, but he was still feeling frantic enough that he didn’t really care at this point. 

He sped towards her desk, grasping tight at the strap of his bag, and Emily seemed to spot him making his way over, smiling. 

“Morning, Reid-”

“How could you not tell me?” He cried, but tried to keep his voice down since he desperately didn’t want anyone else to know. Both her and JJ raised their eyebrows, and he would feel bad at ambushing Emily if he wasn’t so panicked. 

“Tell you what?” She asked, surprised. 

“That Ethan and I are dating.” It sounded pathetic coming out of his mouth, but he had no other way of phrasing it. 

Emily’s mouth parted slightly, and she didn't say anything for a moment, clearly stunned. Then, she shut her eyes briefly before wrenching them open, setting her coffee cup down sharply. 

“Because I thought you knew?” She sounded incredulous, “You know, being one of the interested parties?” 

“I didn’t know !” He hissed, brushing some hair out of his face agitatedly, “I thought we had decided to stay ‘just friends’, but apparently we’ve been dating for a while, a fact that was told to me so humiliatingly last night, when I was informed that next Tuesday is my three month anniversary!”

“Oh, Spence,” JJ winced at him, and he felt his cheeks flush bright red. 

“I genuinely thought you knew, I’m sorry Spencer,” Emily tried to reassure him, but he groaned and rubbed his eyes with his palms. 

“Oh god, what am I going to do?” He whispered, and when he removed his hands he found both women were smiling, covering their mouths with their hands. He glared at them, but they both just began to giggle, trying to stifle them with their hands. 

“What’s so funny?” He grouched. 

“It’s just a little bit funny,” Emily said with an amused smile, “You’re the one actually in the relationship, and everyone else knows about it except for you.” 

JJ snickered behind her coffee mug. 

“Great.” He muttered, throwing his bag to the floor and slumping in his chair, running his hands through his already frazzled hair. 

Both women tried to stop their laughing, but when he looked up at them they dissolved again. He groaned once more and tipped his head back against his chair. 

“Thank goodness you figured it out,” JJ commented, turning slightly to face him, “Or the wedding would have been a surprise.” 

Emily laughed out loud at that, and Spencer narrowed his eyes at her, cheeks going bright red. He should have expected some teasing, but he was never going to live this down. 

“Did the dates not give it away?” JJ asked, still grinning, “You must have seen each other more than Will and I have, and he’s my husband.” 

“I didn’t know they were dates,” He mumbled, making them both chuckle again. 

He wanted to argue that they were friends previously, but now he wasn't so sure. Did this mean that they were in a relationship all this time in college, and he just didn’t know it? He frowned to himself, picking at his cuff. 

“What’s so funny?” Derek questioned as he came over, his leather jacket still zipped up and bag still slung over his shoulder, Penelope under his arm. Penelope was holding a mug in the shape of a cat, and she was smiling happily. 

Both JJ and Emily were giggling too much to respond straight away, but Spencer couldn’t bring himself to say anything either, mortification burning through him. Derek must have cottoned on that they were laughing at Spencer, because he began to grin. 

“Er, Spencer’s only just-” Emily broke off with a small gasp, “He’s just found out that he and Ethan are dating.” 

Derek snorted, taking a moment before closing his eyes and then opening them again as he began to laugh. Penelope’s mouth fell open, and she brought a manicured hand up to cover it. 

“Oh my god,” Penelope said with a gasp, “How did you not know?” 

“He said he didn’t want to ruin our friendship,” He protested feebly, rubbing his forehead. 

“And then he spent three months messaging you constantly, taking you out, engaging with your hobbies and meeting your friends,” JJ’s voice was fond, but it still made him sink lower in his chair, wishing he’d called in sick instead. 

When she put it like that, it sounded so simple. 

“And the Valentine’s message,” Emily sniggered, “Did you think that was a friendly thing to do?” 

“That’s why I asked if it was normal!” He complained, throwing his hands up and making them all snicker, “Penelope sends us Valentine’s too!” 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Penelope muttered affectionately, but didn't say anything else, her laughter making her shoulders shake. 

He put his head onto his desk, the cool wood soothing against his flushed face. Penelope rubbed his shoulder soothingly, and he spent a moment considering all his life choices before a horrific thought dawned on him. 

“Oh my god. That day-” He gasped as he sat up straight, swallowing, “That day I came in late, I wasn’t-, you thought-” He knew he sounded horrified, and he couldn’t finish his sentence, his face was glowing bright red and they all fell into peals of laughter once more. 

Derek was bent slightly, and Penelope was clutching at him for support. Emily’s hands were over her face, snorts emitting from behind them. JJ was wiping tears from her eyes. 

“What’s going on?” A voice sounded, and Spencer turned to see Hotch, “We’ve just had the seminar on workplace bullying, I hope I don’t need to book another one.”

Spencer groaned, and Rossi raised an eyebrow at him. The other agents couldn’t respond, still cackling beside Spencer. 

“What’s happened?” Rossi asked, and turned to Spencer, who petulantly looked away. 

He knew that they were just joking around but he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. He wished that he’d never revealed to Emily that he didn’t know, instead dealing with it on his own. 

“Seriously,” Rossi said dryly, “Fill us in, I’m beginning to feel left out.”

“Spence has-” JJ managed to compose herself enough to speak, taking a breath, “Spence has only just been informed that he and Ethan are in a relationship.”

He felt as though he should point out that in the span of ten minutes, both JJ and Emily have used ‘dating’ and ‘in a relationship’ interchangeably, so can anyone blame Spencer for not really having known? However, he knew that no one would take his complaint seriously, so he kept his mouth shut. 

One of Hotch’s eyebrows raised comically, “He picked you up for dinner twice last week.” 

That caused both Derek and JJ to break out in sniggers again, and Spencer sighed heavily. Even Hotch, who kept to himself and didn’t cross any professional boundaries, had noticed. That was not a great sign. 

“I know,” He said sourly, “I’ve been told that’s not what friends do.” 

The corners of Hotch’s lips curled upwards, and that was probably the closest thing they would get to a laugh from him whilst they’re in the office. Rossi was amusedly smiling at him, and Spencer felt very watched. 

“What am I going to do?” He questioned again, rubbing at his tired eyes, not looking at any of them as they continued to snicker at his expense, “Do I- Do I tell him?” He questioned hesitantly, dropping his hands and blinking away the stars in his eyes. 

“No,” They all, apart from Hotch, chorused together. Spencer’s cheeks flushed again, having clearly missed yet another obvious social etiquette. He kicked angrily at his bag under his desk where no one could see. 

“Just go to the anniversary, smile, and try not to bring it up.” JJ patted his arm, voice fond. They all were quiet for a moment, smiling at him.

“How could you not know?” Rossi said after a minute, making the others grin, his own brow furrowed, “You’re a profiler.”

That made Spencer still slightly, although all the others laughed again. It was a good point, how had he not noticed the signs? If he’d seen this behavior from any of the people he was tasked with profiling, he could have easily told you that they pointed towards a relationship, or at least romantic feelings. Especially considering their past history, any profiler should be able to put it together.

He suddenly felt very nauseous, and all the color drained from his face. Now he wasn’t just feeling bad about his lack of social skills, but his ability to do his job. The others continued to chuckle, but Spencer blinked very fast, not wanting to cry in front of them all. 

“Okay, back to work,” Hotch’s voice was clear and firm, and Spencer internally cried in relief. 

They all tittered as they scattered away, but when Spencer looked up at the man, he realized that he’d become aware of Spencer’s shift in disposition. Hotch looked at him for a moment, evaluating, and Spencer pressed his lips tightly together to save his bottom one from wobbling, and nodded a little in thanks. 

Hotch gave him a rare, kind smile, gripping his shoulder tightly. 

“You’re a great profiler, Reid,” He murmured so only Spencer could hear, and Spencer felt relief spread through him. None of them would describe Hotch as a soft-hearted man, so the gesture made him feel warm and he managed to crack a small smile. Hotch turned to leave Spencer to his own despair.

He donned his headphones, not giving Emily a chance to talk to him about it, and bent to bury himself in his work, trying to force his mind elsewhere for now. He took a deep breath as he began to write, letting his shoulders slowly relax. 

It was all Emily’s fault , he thought irritably, all her fault .

---

Monday, 23rd February, 2015

They got called away on a case on Thursday afternoon, meaning he got to avoid Ethan for a little while longer. It seemed that if there was god out there, they were feeling bad about Spencer’s current life and decided to put their next case in Alaska where there was practically no cell service. 

Hey - heading for a case in Alaska. No cell service so won’t be able to message for a few days. 

He felt a little bad about how blunt the message was, especially because Ethan was currently unaware of Spencer’s recent dilemma, but mostly he was just relieved that he didn’t have to worry about acting normal around Ethan for a few days whilst he tried to wrap his head around this new information.

The case forced them all to forget about teasing Spencer, so focused on the newest string of ritualistic murders that they hadn’t had time to bring anything else up. They didn’t stop for three days straight, and it provided Spencer with the blissful excuse to not think about his own stupidity. 

They flew home on Monday morning, all practically silent due to exhaustion. Spencer curled up in his chair, letting his eyes flutter shut as the plane rumbled underneath him. He couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that tomorrow he was going out with Ethan to celebrate an anniversary he had in no way prepared for. 

In general relationships, the first three months of the relationship were dedicated towards getting to know each other. After three months each individual was expected to deepen their infatuation and spend more time connecting emotionally with their partner. 

He did know Ethan, and technically they had spent the past three months getting to know each other better, whether Spencer knew it was romantically-driven or not. He just felt slightly out of his depth. He sighed and opened his eyes again, clearly not on his way to sleep.

“Hey,” Emily’s voice was quiet as she sat down in the seat next to him, and he lifted his head off the side of the plane to look at her. 

“Hi,” He murmured back, voice gravelly from disuse. 

“I know you’re worried about what’s going on with Ethan,” She said, and he couldn’t help but feel a little panicked as his eyes darted across to the others on the jet. None of them are paying him any attention. 

“Not worried, per se,” He replied under his breath, rubbing his eyes, “Confused.”

He wasn't not worried. Spencer didn't really like change, and he felt as though he'd been thrown in the deep end a little bit in the last few days. She gave him a small, understanding smile. 

“Well, I’ve been thinking about it,” She considered, tipping her head slightly, “Although yes, a lot of his actions were romantic, he did say at the start that he wanted things to move naturally.”

Her nails tapped on the table, and he kept quiet. 

She hummed, “He also said he didn’t want to force things. It’s not a jump to assume that he meant he didn’t want to go further.”

Spencer blinked a little at her, not sure what he’s supposed to say in response to that. In his mind, even though he should have figured out that a lot of the actions weren’t friendly, they simply weren’t romantic because of precisely what Emily had said. He thought Ethan didn’t want to date him. 

“I’m just saying,” Emily shrugged slightly, “Don’t feel too bad about it.” 

He smiled a little at her, resting his back head on the seat and moving his gaze away, pulling the cuffs of his sleeves down slightly. 

“I still wouldn’t tell him,” She said after a moment of silence, the only noise the faint sound of Derek’s music from his headphones. Spencer huffed out a laugh, turning to face her to see her wide smile. 

She rested a hand on his, and he gripped back instantly. 

“Thank you,” He murmured. She rested her head on his shoulder, and he set his own head on top of hers, letting his eyes drift shut once more. 

---

Tuesday, 24th February, 2015

Spencer spent the rest of Monday and all of Tuesday mentally preparing himself for seeing Ethan. Everyone seemed to realize not to make fun of him today, either that or Emily had told them not to, since no one had bothered him about it all day. 

Ethan was picking him up from his apartment, and they were going to dinner and a movie. Nothing they haven’t done already in the past few months. When Spencer got back to his apartment he spent far too long deliberating over what to wear, and his hands shook so much he spilled toothpaste down the shirt he had finally picked out, forcing him to change. 

“Get it together,” He muttered to himself, sitting at the end of his bed and taking a large deep breath. He’s met with Ethan 47 times since he had first moved to D.C. and tonight, theoretically, should be no different. 

I’m outside x

Spencer opened the message, feeling his stomach twist nervously, but he grabbed his jacket and locked his front door quickly anyway, not wanting to keep the other man waiting. 

He was outside of his truck when Spencer left his building, and he was smiling at Spencer. 

“Hey.” He hugged Spencer when they got close enough, and Spencer allowed himself to hang on for just a moment longer, now he was allowed to. 

“Hi,” Spencer murmured back, before stepping away, giving Ethan a shy smile, “You look nice.” 

He did, although Spencer usually thought that regardless of what he was wearing. Ethan had his hair down, and it was shining under the streetlamps, clearly soft. Spencer vaguely had the thought that he might like to run his hands through it, but he batted it away as quickly as it came.  

“Thanks,” Ethan chirped, leaving a hand resting on Spencer’s wrist, thumb stroking against his pulse point. 

How had he missed this? He swallowed past the small lump in his throat, flicking his gaze from Ethan’s hand back to his face. 

“Missed you this weekend.” 

“I’m sorry,” Spencer replied, feeling guilty, “I know my communication has been bad, the service was terrible.”

Ethan shrugged one shoulder easily, squeezing his wrist softly. 

“Not your fault. Couldn’t be helped.” He stepped away from Spencer, pulling open the passenger seat door to allow him to climb in. The thud of the door shutting behind him gives him a moment where Ethan and he were separated, and he took a quick, reassuring breath. 

They had dinner in an Indian restaurant, and Spencer ended up paying, since it was his turn. Despite it being an anniversary, it felt very similar to any other time they met up. They talk about his last case, Ethan’s grandmother, the lounge, the movie they were about to see, and soon Spencer felt relaxed enough that he thought maybe he could keep this up.

Even when Ethan’s hand found his own as they left the restaurant, he just squeezed back and managed to not think too much about it. They’d been holding hands for weeks, this was not a big deal. 

They were queuing outside the movie theater when Ethan brought it up. 

“I know I said I didn’t want to force anything,” He started, casually, but Spencer felt his shoulders tense, “But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss you, before.” His blue eyes were twinkling at Spencer, and Spencer hoped that his alarm wasn't showing on his face. 

It must not have, because Ethan continued with, “I’m glad we let things happen naturally, and I’m even happier that it’s ended with us together.”

Ethan leaned up and brushed a kiss at the edge of his cheek, closer to his lips than ever before, but not quite there just yet. Spencer’s breath stuttered in his chest, fingers digging sharply into his own thighs through his pockets. 

He really wanted to tell Ethan everything, because the man was so genuinely honest with Spencer, but all the advice he’d been given had been the opposite. They got ushered into the theater and Spencer didn’t pay attention to a moment of the movie, mind spinning, the spot on his face where Ethan’s lips traced burning through him. 

“Did you want to come back to mine?” Ethan asked after they left a couple of hours later, checking his watch, “It’s still early and we can get dessert from the cookie place down the street.”

Spencer could only nod, and Ethan rambled about the movie all the way back, their hands linked together in between them. Spencer vaguely came to himself when Ethan asked what cookie he wanted, and he picked one at random, tongue feeling like lead and guilt so heavy in his chest he couldn't bring himself to look at Ethan. 

Ethan kicked off his shoes when he got inside, and set the cookie box down on his counter, shrugging off his jacket. Spencer turned his sobriety coin restlessly in his pocket, hovering awkwardly by the door. 

“Drink?” Ethan questioned, grabbing a bottle from his cluttered counter. 

Ethan’s apartment has only got more lived-in since he first moved, sheet music in piles on almost every surface, jackets thrown over furniture and bottles of alcohol at the back of his island where it met the wall. 

“No, thanks,” Spencer croaked, and he was aware he needed to get it together before Ethan figured out what was going on. He took off his own jacket and moved to the couch. 

Ethan poured himself a whiskey, and slumped easily on the couch next to Spencer, sighing before taking a sip. 

“I can’t believe it’s been three months,” He commented lightly, looking up at the ceiling, and Spencer felt his stomach drop once more, closing his eyes and groaning internally.

“It seems like not that long ago I moved here.”

He was beginning to feel physically sick, is he meant to keep this up forever? He couldn’t respond to Ethan, tongue feeling too large in his mouth.

“Okay, out with it,” Ethan said abruptly, making Spencer break out of his internal dismay and open his eyes to look at him, licking his lips nervously. 

“What?” He asked, feigning nonchalance, but he could already feel heat climbing up his neck. 

“Out with whatever is bothering you this evening.” Ethan’s eyes were knowing, and he took a small sip. 

Spencer didn’t like to profile his friends or family, but he allowed himself just this once. Ethan was presenting casually, but Spencer could tell he was nervous. His breathing was different than it usually is and his finger was tapping rhythmically against the glass.

“Nothing’s bothering me,” Spencer denied, pulling at his cuffs, feeling very watched. 

“Hmm,” Ethan hummed disbelievingly, “Yes there is. You’ve been quieter than usual and you didn’t say anything about the movie, even though there were several period-discrepancies I know you noticed.” 

In Spencer’s defense, he hadn’t said anything because he hadn’t noticed, but that’s because he’d not been watching. He avoided Ethan’s eyes, shrugging slightly. 

“Tired,” He offered, but it sounded too questioning to be believable. He winced as Ethan’s eyebrows raised. 

“No, that’s not it,” Ethan retorted instantly, “Something is bothering you, what is it?”

Spencer didn’t know what to say. Everyone had told him not to tell Ethan, but this felt just as wrong, and his insides squirmed. 

“Is it-” Ethan swallowed visibly, sounding nervous, “Is it something I’ve done?” 

“No!” Spencer said instantly, and Ethan’s shoulders relaxed a little, but he didn't say anything, clearly waiting for Spencer to continue.

Spencer sighed and shut his eyes again, running his hands down his face before scrubbing them on his trousers nervously. They felt clammy, and there was a pinching in his chest that wasn't going away. 

“Okay,” He muttered to himself, opening his eyes again to look at Ethan, “Okay,” He said louder, and Ethan’s eyebrows, if possible, got higher. 

“You’re making me nervous.”

“Don’t be,” Spencer replied, running his hand through his hair, “I am, a little.” 

Ethan was quiet then, and Spencer straightened, clearing his throat before looking up at him. He swallowed, because Ethan looked so earnest, head tilted slightly. 

“I-” Spencer licked his lips, “I didn’t know we were dating.” 

Ethan blinked at him, expression clearing, and Spencer felt words begin to fly out his mouth of their own accord. 

“I’m so sorry! It’s just that- you said you didn’t want to force anything, and I assumed that meant you felt as though it was forced and then you said you didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship, so I- not that this is your fault, I just- Until you mentioned our three-month anniversary-” 

Spencer took a breath, and that was when he noticed Ethan was smiling at him, all his teeth showing. 

“Stop it,” He groaned, childishly. He’d dealt with just about as much teasing as he could deal with in the past few days. 

Ethan began to laugh, and Spencer felt heat creep up his chest and to his face. Ethan set down the glass on the coffee table and reached a hand up to press against his forehead, still chuckling. 

“Sorry, I’m not laughing at you, I swear.” 

Spencer found that a bit hard to believe, since Ethan was slightly red now too, elbows resting on his knees as his shoulders shook. 

“Oh my god,” Ethan breathed after a moment when he’d collected himself, straightening up, “Here I was, thinking that I was letting things go at your pace, and you we’re just nervous and-”

Ethan broke off into giggles, pressing his hands to his flushed cheeks, Spencer felt his heart rate slow slightly. Did this mean that Ethan wasn’t upset?

“And I was thinking that I was going to have to bring something up eventually- since you haven’t initiated anything and-” He broke off again and Spencer literally couldn’t say anything, because he’d just been hit with a wave of relief that it really had just been a miscommunication issue. 

“Oh god, you must have been so confused,” Ethan said, biting his lip slightly and smiling at him fondly, “I’m so sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” Spencer almost cried, incredulously, “I’m the one who has been pulling away from you for the past three months!” 

Ethan’s tongue was poking between his teeth, and his eyes were shining. 

“I should have been clearer from the start.” Spencer privately thought that was a bit of an understatement, but Ethan had taken his hand and so he kept his thoughts to himself. 

“I should have realized,” Spencer uttered, he paused, swallowing nervously, “It’s just- it’s hard for me, sometimes, I-”

“I know, Spence,” Ethan murmured when Spencer can’t seem to find his words, squeezing his hand, “That’s why I’m sorry for assuming.” 

They were quiet for a moment, and Spencer basked in the relief that Ethan knew, and wasn't mad. Maybe he was right, and the rest of the team were wrong, this was the right decision. 

“Okay,” Ethan announced after they’ve both been processing for a moment, he swiveled so that both his legs were on the sofa, bent crossed-legged. Spencer turned too, but his legs stayed on the floor, too long to sit like Ethan is doing, comfortably. 

“Let’s make this clearer,” He grabbed Spencer’s hand again, intertwining their fingers, “Spencer, will you be my boyfriend?” 

It was probably not what 30-year-old’s are meant to do. At this age, dating stages progress without the need for such fanfare, unspoken milestones being reached. But it was so incredibly reassuring to Spencer to have a label to his relationships that he couldn’t help the grin that broke out across his face. 

“Yeah,” He almost-whispered, smiling wide, “Can I kiss you now?”

Ethan laughed again, and instead of responding, he let his other hand come up to trace gently at Spencer’s jaw. His eyes dipped to Spencer’s lips, and then he leaned forward, making his breath hitch. 

Their lips brushed, ever so gently, and Spencer let his eyes flutter shut. Ethan pulled away slightly for just a moment, but Spencer let three months of confusion spur him into grabbing at Ethan’s shirt to pull him back, pressing their lips together more insistently. 

It was firm, but slow, and Ethan’s hand cradled his jaw, thumb resting by his ear and fingers pressing through his hair. Spencer’s stomach clenched, but this time in a pleasant way, and he hummed very lightly as Ethan’s lips moved against his. He tasted like whiskey and slightly like popcorn, and it was a bit addictive. 

They pulled away after a few moments, and Ethan was smiling, but didn't take his hand away from Spencer’s jaw. Similarly, Spencer didn’t release his shirt straight away, basking in the other man’s closeness for a moment. 

“Did you think I’d take three months to kiss you?” Spencer asked when he found his voice again, letting go of the other man. 

Ethan snorted and dropped his head slightly, moving his hand to the back of the couch. 

“What can I say?” He argued lightly, eyes playful, “I was trying to be a gentleman.”

Chapter Text

---

Friday, 27th November, 2014

“Hey, look who I found outside.” Spencer looked up at Penelope’s voice, blinking away the words from his page, expression clearing when he saw Ethan standing next to the blonde woman. 

He groaned, checking his watch with a quick flick of his gaze downwards. 

“Sorry, I got carried away,” He said apologetically, standing up as he folds files closed, “Have you been waiting long?”

Ethan smiled at him, hands in his pockets. His hair was up in a bun, but pieces were falling out onto his face. He shrugged a little, tracking Spencer’s movements with his eyes. 

“No, Penelope found me pretty fast.” 

Spencer began packing up his things, quickly, before shrugging on his jacket. He was just signing off his computer (that he almost never used but was required to sign into) when he heard footsteps approaching. 

“Hey, man,” Derek greeted Ethan, holding out a hand for Ethan to clap in the weird manly way that they always do. He doesn’t do that with him , he thought to himself sourly. When he looked up again, Derek was with JJ and Emily who are also packed up and ready to leave. 

“Hey,” Ethan said with a friendly smile, “How are you guys? I know you’ve not stopped in the past few weeks.” 

He wasn’t far off, their cases for the past three weeks had been pretty much back-to-back, all of them long and hard work. They’d been granted a long weekend off for their efforts, and Spencer was just pleased they’d managed to swing this evening off. 

“Tired,” JJ replied, and then yawned with her hand over her mouth as if to prove her point, “I am going to spend all weekend eating and sleeping.” 

“Hear hear,” Emily grinned at her, nudging JJ with her hip, “My evening consists of my hot tub and copious amounts of Chinese food.” 

Spencer pushed his chair under his desk, flicking off his lamp. He shifted the stack of his files into his arms, and straightened up next to Ethan. 

“What about you guys?” Penelope asked, looking between himself and Ethan with a kind smile on her pink lips. 

“I’m taking Spencer to that Italian restaurant on 6th.” That was news to Spencer, but he nodded along anyway, pleased. 

“I just have to get these files to Hotch, and then we can go,” He agreed, shifting them up again.

He used to be daunted by the prospect of a long-weekend off, preferring to keep busy at the office. This time, he was excited to spend the weekend with Ethan. He and Penelope have plans on Sunday, and on Monday he was going to see Ethan’s new set at the lounge. 

“That’s a fancy restaurant,” JJ noted with her eyebrows raised, smirking at him as he went a little flushed. 

“Well, we’re celebrating our one-year anniversary,” Ethan responded, turning to look at Spencer with a look that made Spencer’s insides squirm a little. 

Spencer couldn't help but smile a little even though he could still feel heat creeping up his neck, and he was forced to look away again to the group. Their anniversary had been on Tuesday, but Spencer had been away on a case. 

“Congratulations,” Penelope squealed, clapping her hands together slightly. The others all chimed in with similar well-wishes, and Ethan thanked them for him. 

“Should be a nice evening,” Ethan commented, “Dinner, might see a movie, get some ice cream and walk down by the Potomac...” 

They all smiled at them, and Spencer hated to say that he found it very uncomfortable. He liked to keep his private life private, even though they knew quite a lot about him anyway. He knew that he didn’t come across as someone that was particularly romantic in the traditional sense, and he worried they might make fun of him. 

But they knew Ethan well by now, and Ethan was a very social, open person. He let himself relax easily.

“Of course, we’ll have to do it again in three months, when Spencer’s caught up,” Ethan commented lightly, a sly smile tugging at his lips. 

The other agents instantly began cackling, and Spencer glared half-heartedly at them, feeling his face go bright red. 

“I’m giving these to Hotch,” He huffed, turning away and leaving them all sniggering and giggling behind him as he worked his way up the steps and towards the other man’s office. 

He moved the files to one arm, knocked twice, and Hotch instantly said ‘come in’. He turned the handle and pushed the door open, smiling slightly at the other man, hoping the red in his face has gone down. 

“I’ve got my files.” He surveyed Hotch’s desk where many files were littering the surface, and he grimaced a little to himself at the mess, making the corners of Hotch’s mouth tick up.

“Just put them over there, thank you,” He gestured with his pen to the edge of his desk, and Spencer slid them down on top of Emily’s files. 

“You’re not heading home for your weekend?” Spencer asked, putting his hands in his pockets. 

“If I don’t do this tonight then I’ll have to spend all weekend doing it,” Hotch murmured, scribbling his signature down before closing the file and setting it on top of a growing pile. 

“This will take you ages,” Spencer frowned, “Did you want some help?” 

Hotch never asked for help, but Spencer genuinely didn’t know how he fit it all in. If he helped then they could easily get it done in approximately two hours. He was sure Ethan would understand…

“No, thank you,” Hotch responded, not unkindly, looking up at him, “You go and enjoy your anniversary.”  

He offered a smile, which made Spencer feel so pleased he couldn’t help but instantly return it. How he knew about Spencer’s anniversary, he didn’t know, but he was Hotch. The man was surprisingly good at reading Spencer. 

“Goodnight,” Spencer murmured.

“Goodnight, Reid.” Hotch’s voice was warm, “Have fun.” He looked knowingly at Spencer, making him go a little pink, but he mostly appreciated the sentiment, so he shot another small smile to him before leaving, shutting the door softly behind him. 

He made his way back over to his desk where the others were all still chatting.

“Ready?” Ethan asked as Spencer grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder. 

“Yeah,” He nodded, straightening his cuffs from where they’d gotten twisted, “Bye, guys. Have a good weekend," He said to the group. 

“Yeah, you too.” Penelope hugged him, like always, and he returned it with a small squeeze before stepping back and gripping his bag strap. 

Ethan grinned at him, and then he tilted his head slightly, eyes twinkling. Spencer felt as though he knew what was coming.

“I’m going to hold your hand now,” He said, and the rest of the team began to giggle instantly, “And I just want you to know I mean that romantically.” 

“Oh my god, shut up .”