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Oscar curled up in a ball in his driver’s room, burying his head in his knees, taking deep breaths. He had been warned that the team had missed most of their development targets, but he still wasn’t prepared for quite how awful the car was. It was just compounding the stress and the pressure he was feeling after the whole mess with Alpine.
He could feel his little space pressing up against him, desperately begging for him to drop, but he couldn’t. Not here. Not with a team he didn’t know that well, who were already overworked and stressed as it was.
He didn’t even have a caretaker, and usually just had to take care of himself, and he did have his bag of little things back at the hotel, he just had to get there. He took another deep breath trying to push away his headspace. He would be back in the hotel soon, and he could let himself drop for the evening. He knew he wasn’t spending as much time in headspace as was recommended for littles, but he had gotten so busy lately, and he hadn’t wanted to risk being in a vulnerable state when he was dealing with all the lawyers and the like from Alpine.
He had known it would eventually come back to bite him, his body insisting on dropping whether it was convenient or not, but for it to be happening now at testing was possibly the worst timing. He took another shuddering breath. It wouldn’t be long now, he was just waiting for Lando to finish up with his team and then they’d be on their way back. He buried his head more firmly in his knees.
Just a little bit longer.
Lando made his way down the hallway, tasked with finding Oscar and letting him know the car had arrived to take them back to the hotel for the night. Well “tasked”, more so Lando had volunteered. Despite how frustrating the season was looking like it was going to be, and how annoyed Lando was that the car just would not do what he wanted, he still felt like it was his role as the now senior and older teammate to make sure everything else was as smooth as possible for Oscar.
He wanted to look after Oscar how Carlos had guided him way back in his rookie season, so whenever the opportunity arose to spend a little time alone with his teammate, getting to know him better and kindling a new friendship, he grabbed it. He was actually planning on asking Oscar to come play some games with him in his hotel room that evening, now that testing was over and they had a few days to kill before the GP started up next week.
As he approached Oscar’s driver room however, he felt his caregiver instincts begin to go into overdrive, in a way they only did when he was near a little in distress. That was odd, as far as Lando knew, none of the people working trackside this week were littles, unless… Lando picked up his pace towards Oscar’s room. It occurred to him that he had absolutely no idea whether Oscar was a little or not, it wasn’t a conversation they had ever had, but as he knocked on the door, his instincts were going haywire. He didn’t bother waiting for Oscar to answer, he’d apologize later if he was wrong, but opening the door and seeing Oscar curled up into a ball, head buried in his knees, he was pretty sure he was correct. Oscar was a little, and he was struggling.
Oscar didn’t acknowledge Lando as he came into the room and crouched down next to him.
“Oscar?” Lando asked quietly, “Are you ok bud?”
From Oscar’s body language, and the fact his hormones were screaming to him that something was wrong, Lando could guess Oscar was resisting dropping, but as a caretaker, Lando couldn’t stand by and let him do that. He reached out to rub a hand over Oscar’s arm.
“It’s ok, you’re safe to drop, I won’t let anything happen to you.” Oscar let out a quiet sob, and Lando could tell he was losing the battle to stay big. He continued rubbing Oscar’s arm.
“Does anyone on the team know you’re a little?” Lando asked. Oscar wasn’t required to share his status with anyone, and it wasn’t uncommon for littles especially to wait until they were fully comfortable in a new environment before telling others, but maybe he did have someone looking out for him that Lando could go find. Oscar shook his head though.
“Ok, no worries.” Lando didn’t want to fuel Oscar’s anxiety by making him feel insecure about what he had and hadn’t shared with the team, so he moved on to his next question.
“Do you have a caretaker? Someone I should go find?” There was a pause, before Oscar shook his head again, and Lando felt his heart break a little.
For a little to get past the age of 20 without a permanent caretaker was unusual, especially for those who regressed very young and had to take care of themselves. Although, perhaps Oscar had had a caretaker before, and for whatever reason they had left. He had certainly had enough upheaval in the last year that Lando thought it could be a real possibility.
As a caretaker however, and more importantly as Oscar’s teammate, and his new friend, Lando couldn’t just let Oscar take care of himself. Oscar was now crying softly into his knees, and Lando figured he was right on the verge of dropping, if not fully dropped. Lando tentatively reached out to rub Oscar’s arm, and when the little didn’t flinch away from his touch, he threw his cares into the wind and pulled Oscar into his arms.
“It’s ok Oscar, let’s get you back to the hotel.” He murmured, waiting for Oscar to nod slightly against his chest. “Do you have any supplies or anything I need to grab?” Lando asked, hoping Oscar was still on the right side of big to help him out. There was a slight hesitation before Oscar shook his head.
“Not here, in my hotel room.” Lando heard him quietly whisper into his chest.
“Ok, then that’s where we’ll go, are you ready to get up?” Oscar nodded, and Lando rose, pulling his new charge to his feet.
Lacing an arm around Oscar’s back, he supported him to the car, helping him get buckled in as the little grew more unsteady as he regressed further. Once arriving at the hotel, he did the same, supporting Oscar back to his hotel room, unlocking the door and getting Oscar to sit on the bed.
“Where’s your stuff?” He asked Oscar, looking around for anything that screamed that it was little supplies. Oscar pointed to a ratty looking grey backpack in the corner of the room. The sight of it made Lando feel quite sad. The lack of colors, the lack of toys in the room, were both clear indicators of a little who only dropped because they had to, and not because they had a caretaker to make it a fun and enriching experience for them. Lando would have to try and replace it with something more fun, and fitting for Oscar. That thought made him pause, it had been all of an hour since he had discovered his teammate was a little, and he was already thinking of him as his little.
“Is it ok if I take a look at what you have?” He asked, not wanting to barge into Oscar’s life and immediately start rifling through his stuff. Oscar studied his face for a second before nodding, hand coming up to his face, his fingers finding their way into his mouth. From that Lando guessed that he regressed to quite a young age, and as he went through the bag, he figured he was right on the money.
The very first thing packed away was a much loved grey tabby cat stuffed animal. Pulling it out, Lando immediately offered it to Oscar, who snatched it from his hand, and replaced the fingers in his mouth with the cat's paw. Which…ew gross, the thing didn’t look like it had seen the inside of a washing machine possibly ever, so Lando made a mental note to have the stuffy cleaned as soon as an opportunity presented itself.
Underneath the cat were the biggest clues to how much Oscar regressed. A couple bottles, a can of formula, some sippy cups, dummies, as well as pull ups and wipes. Lando felt sad again, looking at the items in front of him. For a little to self caretake was hard no matter what, but for those who dropped very, very young, as it appeared Oscar did, it was hard to imagine them trying to take care of themselves in headspace. It usually required a lot of pre planning, which just took away from regression as a means for the body to relax. Lando pulled the pull ups out of the bag.
“Oscar..” He started, when the little interrupted him.
“Ossie.” He said, quietly. Lando smiled at him softly. It was good that Oscar had a ‘little name’, helped draw the line between big and small, and made it easier for caretakers to know what headspace their little was in.
“Ossie, then.” Lando started again. “I know this is probably an awkward question, but there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, I just want to make sure I’m looking after you the best I can, ok?” He waited for Ossie to nod, as he looked at Lando shyly, continuing to chew on his kitty’s paw. Lando took a breath before continuing,
“When you’re little, do you always need the pull ups or do you just like the security?” In Lando’s experience, while not every little wore pull ups or nappies, those who did tended to fall into two camps. Those who regressed young enough to actually need them, and those who just liked the security, finding it helped them ease into their headspace. It didn’t bother Lando what the case was, he had spent time around both types of littles, he just wanted to make sure he was supporting Ossie the best he could. He watched as Ossie turned bright red, which was probably the answer Lando needed. Ossie hid his head in his kitty toy.
“Sometimes I has assidents.” Lando made out, confirming his suspicions.
“That’s ok baby, thank you for telling me.” He said, hoping Ossie could tell he was being serious. “Do you need me to help you get changed?”
Ossie peered back up at Lando, searching his face, probably looking for any sign of a joke or unseriousness. Lando waited patiently, smiling softly at Ossie, thrilled when the little tentatively nodded.
“Do you have any special clothes you like to wear?” Lando asked, making his way over to the suitcase in the corner of the room. Turning back to look at Ossie. Ossie just shrugged.
“Don’ really have special clothes.” He mumbled. Again, Lando felt sad at the lack of comfort items Ossie had, and once again found himself promising himself that he would change that. Digging through the suitcase, he at least found a comfy pair of sweatpants and a soft t-shirt. Lando made his way back across the room, crouching down in front of Ossie.
“I’m going to help you get changed now, ok?” He said, both not wanting to startle the little, but also give Ossie a chance to change his mind if he wanted.
Ossie nodded, looking a little less shy, seemingly picking up on Lando’s sincerity. Lando quickly got the little changed, Ossie cooperating with having his clothes pulled off and then manhandled back on. After he was changed, Ossie stuck his kitty’s paw back in his mouth.
“Does your kitty have a name?” Lando asked. Ossie shook his head,
“No’ weally, jus’ Kitty.” Lando smiled,
“Sounds like a name to me. What kind of things do you like to do and play?”
Ossie shrugged, shrinking back in on himself.
“It’s ok sweetheart, I’m not going to judge you. Do you have any other toys besides Kitty?” Ossie shook his head, tears welling up in his eyes, chewing more aggressively on Kitty’s paw. It was kinda gross, and Lando reached back towards the backpack to find one of the dummies, gently pulling Kitty’s paw out of Ossie’s mouth, replacing it with the dummy, grateful that Ossie easily accepted the change. The fact Ossie didn’t have any more toys again broke Lando’s heart, hopefully he just meant no extra toys with him and not just none in general, but Lando knew deep in his heart that that wasn’t the case.
“That’s ok.” Searching Ossie’s face, Lando took note of the dark circles under his eyes. It had been a long and frustrating few days in the car, and if Ossie had been fighting headspace so much, he was probably exhausted.
“How about this? It’s been a long day and you look very, very tired. How about we order some dinner, and watch some tv?” Lando asked. Ossie nodded. Lando wondered if Ossie was always this docile as a little, or if he was so overwhelmed that he was scared to voice his opinions.
“Do you have a favourite show?” Lando asked, trying to keep his voice soft and reassuring. Ossie just shrugged.
“Aw come on, you have to have a favourite! We can watch whatever you want.” Lando encouraged him.
“Booey.” Ossie eventually whispered.
“Bluey?” Lando asked, double checking, “that’s a great choice.” He reassured at Ossie's shy nod. Lando climbed on the bed next to the little, turning on the tv and finding Bluey. It didn’t take long for Ossie to become engrossed in the show. Lando picked up the food service menu. They didn’t have to be on the track tomorrow so they didn’t have to stick to the meal plan tonight Lando decided. He landed on two orders of chicken tenders and chips, friendly for both the little (Ossie) and the picky eater (Lando). After calling down to place the order, and asking for one of them to to be plated on little friendly cutlery, he cautiously wrapped an arm around Ossie’s shoulder, thrilled when the little let him pull him closer, Ossie pressing against Lando’s side. Bluey was a good show, Lando had to admit, and he found himself enjoying the action, almost as much as enjoying the giggles that came from Ossie as he seemingly grew more relaxed in Lando’s presence.
When the room service arrived, Lando got up to get it, happy to see that the food on Ossie’s plastic plate was cut into small pieces already, and that there was a tray they could use for the bed.. He found a sippy cup in Ossie’s backpack, filling it with water. He carried their dinner over to the bed, sitting back down, putting the tray of food in front of them.
“Do you need any help eating dinner?” Lando asked, not sure how Ossie’s coordination was impacted by his regression. Ossie hesitated for a second before shaking his head.
It only took Lando a few minutes to realize that just because Ossie didn’t want help, didn’t actually mean he didn’t need it. Ossie had skipped over the fork, just using his fingers, which was fine, except he didn’t really have the coordination and would drop little pieces of chicken and chips down his front. Lando ate his meal quickly, making a mental note to get Ossie some bibs, again realizing he was imagining a future that didn’t yet exist. He put his plate to the side, picking up the little plastic fork, spearing a piece of chicken off Ossie’s plate.
“Ossie sweetheart, let me help you.” Ossie turned to Lando, again looking unsure, but Lando smiled reassuringly at him, lifting the fork to Ossie’s mouth, glad when Ossie let him feed him the bite. They continued on for a few minutes, Ossie clearly relaxing once he realized Lando wasn’t going to make fun of him, turning his attention back to the tv instead as Lando continued to feed him. By the time they were done eating, Lando could see that Ossie was beginning to fade, slouching sideways.
“Come on baby, why don’t you lie down.” Lando gently guided Ossie to lie with his head on Lando’s lap, and began gently stroking his hair as Bluey continued in the background. It wasn’t long before he heard Ossie’s breaths even out, having fallen asleep. Lando turned off the tv, and sat back, thrilled at how quickly Ossie had relaxed around him.
Lando continued to stroke Ossie’s hair as he slept with his head in his lap. There was a sense of peace falling over him that he had never felt around any other little. He had felt immediately at ease taking care of Ossie, which was unusual for him. It reminded him of a conversation he had had with Daniel once, asking him how he had known that Max was the right little for him to take under his wing and become a permanent caretaker for.
“I don’t really know how to describe it, mate.” Daniel had said. “It just felt right, natural. I just knew.”
And right now Lando knew. He could just hope Ossie felt the same way, but he vowed that in the morning he was going to speak to Ossie and offer to be his permanent caretaker. Gently he lifted Ossie onto his side of the bed properly, quietly getting up to properly tuck the little in. He moved all the room service plates to the side, before getting in the other side of the bed, dropping a soft kiss into Ossie’s hair before turning out the light.
“Sweet dreams baby.” He whispered.
It was still dark outside when Lando blinked his eyes open. He didn’t immediately recognize where he was, before remembering that this was Oscar’s room, he had fallen asleep alongside Ossie. He sat up suddenly, realizing that the little was no longer curled up with him on the bed. Lando blinked trying to adjust his eyes to the dark, and that was when he picked up the quiet sobs in the corner of the room.
“Ossie?” Lando called out, fumbling for the light switch next to him. Squinting as he found it, and the room was bathed in light. It was then he saw Ossie curled in on himself in the corner of the room, sobbing into his knees, reminiscent of how he had looked in his driver’s room earlier. Lando immediately jumped out of bed, making his way over to crouch in front of Ossie.
It was then he got an idea of what had happened. Trailing down the legs of Ossie’s sweatpants were two wet streaks, indicative of a leaking pull up. Lando immediately felt bad, not because he was upset, he had no issue cleaning up an accident, but this was obviously very upsetting to Ossie. Lando also found himself blaming himself somewhat, Ossie had told him he sometimes had accidents, and Lando should have made sure he used the bathroom before falling asleep.
Lando gently pried Ossie’s hands away from his face, using his thumbs to wipe the tears from the little’s blotchy cheeks.
“Hey Ossie, it’s ok, you’re alright. Will you let me help you get changed?”
Another sob came from Ossie, and Lando found himself wiping away more tears.
“I’m sowwy.” Ossie choked out.
“Hey, none of that, you have nothing to be sorry for. Accidents happen, it’s not your fault, I’m not upset. I’d just like to help you get cleaned up, ok?” Another sniffle, but Ossie nodded, letting Lando pull him to his feet and lead him to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom, Lando started the taps to run a quick bath, hoping that that would help Ossie feel a little better.
Once the bath was run, Lando checking the temperature with his elbow, he quickly got Ossie undressed, tossing the soiled pull up in the trash can, before helping Ossie climb in the tub. The little was still softly sniffling, refusing to meet Lando’s eyes. Looking around for anything that he could use to turn the experience into something a little more fun.
It was then he spotted the bottle of hotel issued bubble bath, of course, he had the same in his room. He took the bottle, dumping the entire thing into the bathtub. Ossie stared at him with wide eyes as Lando started to mix the bubble around.
“You want to help me mix the bubbles in?” Lando asked, and tentatively Ossie started flapping his hands against the water alongside Lando.
“Yeah! Great job Ossie!” Lando encouraged, smiling as Ossie began to giggle. Taking a scoop of the bubbles, Lando plonked them on Ossie’s head, smiling as the little’s giggles became louder. Lando was glad to see Ossie open up, and engage in playtime. He continued to pile bubbles on Ossie’s head, then when they couldn’t go any higher, gave the little a bubble beard, smile growing wider as Ossie’s giggles continued.
The playtime continued for a few more minutes, Lando glad that he was able to get Ossie to relax around him some more, and when he noticed the little’s eyelids begin to droop, he decided it was time to get Ossie out of the bath and back into bed.
“Just wait here a couple minutes, I’m going to grab you some clean pajamas.” Lando told Ossie as he rinsed the bubbles out of his hair. Ossie just tiredly nodded. Lando made his way back into the bedroom. He began with stripping the sheets off the bed, glad to see that the wet patch on them wasn’t very big, the pull up and sweatpants obviously catching most of the accident. He then dug around for a clean pair of sweatpants and a new shirt, as well as grabbing a clean pull up from the backpack.
He then got Ossie out of the bathtub, making sure to dry him down, and get him into the clean clothes. As he pulled the sweatpants up, Ossie yawned, rubbing at his eyes tiredly.
“You ready to go back to bed sweetheart?” Lando asked. Ossie nodded,
“Yes, daddy.” Ossie then froze, obviously clocking what he had just called Lando, his eyes flicking to Lando’s face in panic, but Lando couldn’t help but feel his heart soar. He already knew that he wanted to ask Ossie if he could be his permanent caretaker, and maybe this slip up was a sign Ossie wanted that too, but he knew he had to get that across right now before Ossie shut down over the slip up. Lando grabbed Ossie’s arms,
“Ossie, I was going to talk to you in the morning about this, but looking after you has never felt more natural to me. I’ve helped out with a lot of littles and never has it felt right in the way it does looking after you. If you want me to, I would love to be your permanent caretaker if you’ll have me.” Ossie stared at him, wide eyed.
“You wanna be my daddy?” He whispered.
“Yes, I would love to, baby.” Ossie’s eyes filled up with tears as he launched himself forward, wrapping his arms around Lando’s waist, Lando immediately pulling him tightly in his arms. They stood there, in the middle of the bathroom for a while, before Lando felt Ossie yawn into his neck once more, and lean more of his weight into Lando.
“Come on, let's get you back into bed.” Lando whispered. Ossie nodded, but made no effort to move, so Lando hoisted his little onto his hip, carrying him over to the second bed in the room, laying him down. Ossie’s eyes were mostly drifted shut, but Lando dug around in the backpack to find a dummy, popping it in Ossie’s mouth, before tucking him and Kitty in. Lando then climbed in on the other side of the bed, turning the light off. Ossie immediately rolled over, pressing himself into Lando’s side, Lando wrapping his arm around his little- his little - holding him close, a soft smile gracing his face as they both drifted off.
When Oscar blinked his eyes open the next day, he felt a sense of peace and calm over him that he had never experienced before. Like there was nothing to worry about, the anxiety that constantly lingered in the back of his mind had faded. He had heard of this before, from other littles, about how much better it was having a caretaker, when you actually got all the benefits of being a little instead of the stress and worry of having to be vulnerable with no one to watch out for them. Oscar rolled to his side, where Lando was still asleep, lying next to him.
Those feelings of peace and contentment immediately vanished, replaced by something akin to shame. When Oscar had imagined having a caretaker, he had never imagined it being a teammate, someone who was only a couple years older, someone who was a couple inches shorter. He immediately felt guilty that Lando had been pressured into this. Yes, last night he had said he wanted to be Oscar’s caretaker, but he was clearly trying to be kind to an upset little as all caretakers would be. There was no way he actually meant it, they had only known each other for a couple months.
Oscar decided the best way to avoid making this awkward for either of them would be to treat this like a one night stand kind of situation. The one problem was that this was Oscar’s hotel room, so he decided he would just go take a really, really long shower and give Lando the chance to wake up and leave, and then they could both pretend last night had never happened.
Oscar quietly slipped out of bed, steadfastly ignoring the wet sheets balled up in the corner of his room, gathered some clothes for the day, and went into the bathroom. He set the shower as hot as he could tolerate, standing under the spray.
He soon found himself sinking down to sit on the bathtub floor, curling in on himself. Biting his lip, Oscar tried to hold back the tears that wanted to make their way out. It hurt, knowing that for one brief period of time he had had the one thing he had been craving ever since he presented as a little, but there was no way it could last. There was no way Lando would actually want to be his full time caretaker. It was better for the team for them to be friendly, but not overly close. If Oscar caused Lando to be distracted, and he knew that he dropped young enough to be quite needy, the team would be upset with him.
Upsetting the team who had really stuck out their neck for him over the last year was the last thing Oscar wanted to do. No, it hurt, and now that he had a taste of the comfort having a caretaker could bring he didn’t know how he was supposed to go back to looking after himself, but it was better this way. Better for Lando, better for Oscar, better for the team. Besides, he still didn’t actually think Lando wanted any part of this.
Oscar wasn’t sure how long he spent under the water, but he did eventually hear movement from the room next door, indicating Lando was up. He waited, expecting to hear the door open and shut as Lando left, but it didn’t come, he could still hear Lando puttering around the bedroom. Eventually though, there was a knock on the bathroom door, sending Oscar jumping out of his skin.
“Oscar? You ok?”
Lando hadn’t left. Oscar had given him the opportunity to leave with minimal embarrassment for them both, and he hadn’t, and for a moment Oscar let himself imagine what it would be like if Lando stayed for good. He shook his head, no, most likely his teammate just wanted to gently tell him that this was a one time thing and to not expect it again. Have a face to face conversation so they would both be clearly on the same page.
There was another, more urgent, knock on the door, and a jiggle on the handle.
“Oscar? Osc?” Not wanting Lando to break the door down, Oscar cleared his throat and called back.
“Um, yeah, just give me a minute.”
“You’ve been in there for at least 20 minutes, that’s plenty of minutes!” Lando called back through the door. Oscar reached up from where he was sat, cutting off the water, before getting dried off and dressed. He took a deep breath, trying to prepare himself for what he knew was about to come, and walked out of the bathroom.
What he wasn’t expecting to see was Lando dishing out room service breakfast into two plates.
“What’s this?” He asked, stupidly. Lando looked up, grinning when he saw Oscar.
“I ordered breakfast obviously. A little off meal plan, but it’s a week until the race so I think we’ll get away with it.”
“Lando…” Oscar trailed off, not really knowing how to say what he wanted to say.
“Hm?” Lando asked, busying himself with spreading jam on his toast. Oscar took a deep breath.
“Look, I’m, uh, sorry for dragging you into this. I’m ok, you don’t have to feel obligated to stay or, uh, do anything else from here on out.”
Lando’s head snapped back up as he put down the toast in his hands, getting to his feet.
“Oscar..what are you talking about?” His intense eyes searched Oscar’s face, and Oscar had to look away, unable to meet his eyes.
“I know this isn’t what you signed up for when you got a new teammate, and I don’t want to burden you, I know I can be needy when I’m little, and I don’t want you to feel obligated that just because you looked after me once means you’re obligated to keep…”
“Oscar!” Lando cut off his rambling, coming closer, grabbing Oscar’s arms with his hands. “Oscar, I meant every word I said last night. I want to look after you, I want to be your permanent caretaker if you’ll have me. If you want me to leave and never mention this again, that’s fine, I will leave right now, but I wasn’t lying to you. This is what I was born for, corny as it sounds, taking care of you felt right in a way no other little I’ve ever been around has. You aren’t an obligation to me. Big or small, I want to be here for you.”
Oscar sniffed, not realizing he had been tearing up during Lando’s speech. He had never been wanted before, and the fact Lando actually wanted to stay, and hadn’t just been trying to be nice was overwhelming. Lando reached up, hesitating a second before wiping a stray tear from Oscar’s cheek.
“Do you want me to stay and be your permanent caretaker?” Lando asked softly. Oscar knew that if he said no, Lando would be true to his word, and leave Oscar alone, not bring it up again.
But that’s not what Oscar wanted. Hesitantly he nodded.
“Yes.” He whispered, and Lando immediately pulled him into a tight hug and Oscar let himself sink into it.
There were logistics to work out still, schedules and plans, they would have to talk to the team, talk about how they were going to handle race weekends, so many things to solve. But for now, Oscar let himself hug Lando back, the sense of peace he had felt that morning returning. Finally, after so many years, he had found his home.