Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You were going to always be the cool parent. It was a promise you’d made to yourself since he was a kid. You weren’t going to be the nagging mom or the disinterested father. You were going to be his friend, his cool as fuck guardian, his Bro.

You wanted to always be there for him without being obnoxiously overbearing, and you think he picked up on that. You helped him grow stronger, but respected his space. You used a parenting technique most would probably consider unhealthy, but you respected Dave and Dave respected you, and underneath all of that there was a mutual bond stronger than anything a parenting book could have taught you.

It was your job to raise him. And dysfunctional as you may be you were going to do just that.

Which was why when Dave came shuffling in at ten o’ clock from what should have been an all-night sleepover at John’s, you knew something was up.

“Hey,” you said off-handedly, looking up from a shitty reality TV show you hadn’t been paying much attention to.

“Yo,” He replied, not sparing you a glance as he slouched a little lower in his oversized hoodie.

“You’re back early. Everything alright?”

You watched his face twitch slightly as he walked a little too quickly towards his room.

“What? Yeah of course Bro. John just had some homework or something. You know I’m still trying to break him of his nerdy ways.”

He voice wavered just the slightest bit at John’s name. It was subtle, barely noticeable to the average ear, but to a Strider it was obvious. You knew something was wrong. And he knew you knew it too.

Within seconds you’d flashstepped in front of him, hand reaching for his shoulder. He froze as soon as he saw your blurred form moving towards him before bursting into a full run towards his room.

“Oh no you don’t you little-“
He turned around suddenly to land a solid punch into your chest. A perfect hit; surprise element, solid windup, heavy trust, ideal aim. Just like you taught him. Unfortunately for him, you’d taught him that with the impression of protecting himself against some loser in a dark alleyway, not going up against the picture of perfection like yourself. You watched his eyes widen behind his shades as you took the hit without the slightest falter. He retracted his hand as if you burned him, shaking a little as he backed up.

Oh yeah, little man. You’re in deep shit now.

“You gonna tell me what’s wrong? Or are we going to have to take this to the roof.”

You watched him bite his lip in frustration, knowing he’d drawn the short end of the stick no matter what option he chose.

“Nothing’s wrong, Bro.”

“Oh, something’s definitely wrong.”

“I’m chill as fuck.”

“Sure you are.”

“I’m serious.”

“Yeah, and I’m Beyoncé.”

“Oh my God, Bro. I’m fine.”

“Something happened, didn’t it?”

“No Bro. Nothing happened.”

“Please. I can tell when something’s up from a mile away.”

“Can you just go back to doing whatever it is you do when you’re not being an asshole?”

He looked you in the eye, his fiery-red gaze bright enough to pierce you through two layers of tinted shades. If you hadn’t been so concerned with pressing him for information, you would have given him props for standing up to you. But now wasn’t the time for ego flattering. You could tell by the quiver of his jaw and the slump of his posture that something went down at his friend’s house. And you weren’t the type to let up when you wanted info.

“It’s Egbert, isn’t it.”

“No it’s not.”

“What did that little shit do-“

“Bro. John didn’t do anything.”

“Then what happened?”

“Why do you care?”

“Because you’re my kid. And I’m actually a semi-decent guy at times.”

Dave bit his lip. Striders never bite their lips.

“Nothing. Nothing happened. Please, I just want to be alone.”

He turned around and was about halfway through his second flashstep stride before you pulled him to a halt by the arm. Bugger had gotten fast, but not fast enough. He didn’t struggle anymore though, just sort of wilted in defeat.

“Dave.”

He refused to look at you.

“I was… I was just stupid, okay?”

There were tell-tale signs of emotion you’d learned to pick up on through your parenting years. Dave’s constricting and swallowing throat, his subtly shaking shoulders, his too-tight frown; he was holding back tears. A small ping of guiltiness hit your heart in the fact he wouldn’t talk to you, much less show emotion in front of you, but there was no time for parenting regrets now.

“Hey… It’s alright. I don’t know what happened, but you can talk to me-“

“I kissed him.”

He still refused to look at you, but the back of his ears flushed the lightest shade of pink.

“Wha-“

“I was an idiot and I kissed him. John, my best friend. Are you happy now?”

Oh.

You were so surprised at the unexpected answer you let him slip through your grasp and run to his room, where the door was promptly slammed closed and locked. This could be more complicated than you thought, but big-brother instincts were unyielding.

You walked up to his door and slowly knocked, hearing something that sounded like a strained “Fuck off, Bro,” coming from behind it. On most occasions you would have barreled down the door and challenged him to a strife, but this dealt with a little more complicated matters. Matters of which you weren’t the most experienced with.

“Dave?”

No answer.

“Dave, it’s okay if you like him.”

A muffled “No it’s not,” echoed back at you.

“Dave, I’m coming in.”

You twisted the knob with enough force to break the lock and almost take the door off its hinges. It would be fine though, you kept spare doorknobs in the kitchen and spare doors in the garage. The worst that could happen was Dave throwing a fit about it again, though you knew he wouldn’t be in the mood right now.

Dave was sitting on his bed, legs tucked up against his body, shades off, eyes puffy and red (well, more than usual), giving you a death glare that would rival Satan. You stepped cautiously towards him, not wanting to start a fight he obviously wasn’t in the emotional state to handle. He didn’t explode on you though; he just rested his face against his knees as if to hide it.

“I hope you know I don’t care.”

“John cares.”

You frowned.

“Since when do you give a shit what other people think? I taught you better than that.”

“Since I royally fucked things up with my best friend.”

He let out a self-suppressed whimper, and you maneuvered your way through the wires and discarded items on his bedroom floor to sit next to him as casually possible.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

You let out a small huff of air at his attitude.

“You like him?”

“…”

“You can tell me. It’s fine.”

“I… Yeah, I do.”

“Like in a hormone-induced I-want-to-fuck-you kind of way? Or like like-like.”

“You just managed to use three ‘like’s in one sentence. Congrats on breaking the English language, Bro-“

“Answer the question.”

He looked up at you hesitantly.

“Like like-like…?” he said meekly, his cheeks turning a shade of scarlet that looked unnatural on him.

“Uh huh,” you said thoughtfully.

“Dammit this is stupid. Can you just like give me some time or something I’m really not in the mood right now-“

“Dave this is important shit. And unfortunately for both of us I’m required to work you through it.”

“Says who?”

“Says the mighty spirit of big brothers up on the Tsundere Mountains. It’s written in the clouds lil’ man. Written. In. The. Clouds.”

“I’m not having this conversation right now.”

“Oh but you are. Now tell me what happened so we can both pretend I’m a good guardian.”

He gave you a scowl, but you simply wrapped your arms around him. It was rather strange for the both of you (him stiffening at the unexpected contact and you struggling to formulate how to make the ironic bro-hug less awkward) but soon he relaxed just enough for you to know he’d appreciated it.

“I- Well I sort of- I don’t know,” he mumbled, and you felt him slightly lean his body against you.

“Real descriptive there, Dickenson. Glad I can understand you situation a little better now.”

He shoved you off of him, which in retrospect you probably deserved.

“I just- He’s really great you know? John I mean. Like, he’s a nerd, but there’s something really infectious about him and at first it was like ‘hey man we’re totally best bros’ but now it’s kind of ‘hey man I know I said we were bros but can I maybe kiss you’ which make things totally awkward, you know? Only I didn’t phrase it like that in fact I didn’t really say anything at all. We were just watching a movie and he got all starry-eyed like he always does and I just… sort of… leaned in… and kissed him.”

You watched as your usually stoic brother hide his face and curl into an even tighter ball.

“And…?” you said, not really wanting to seem too pushy but ending up anyway.

“What do you mean ‘and’?! I’m a loser. An absolute fuck up.”

“No you’re not. Now tell me what happened next.”

He tried to wipe the water from his eyes as inconspicuously as possible.

“He asked me what the hell I was doing.”

“And what did you do?”

“I…” he paused, “I just… ran.”

He burst into tears.

Whoa whoa whoa. Holy shit what were you supposed to do. Dave. Dave no. Dave please stop crying you’re not supposed to cry. No stop. Stop that right now!

You gently placed your arm around him and patted his back. He continued to sob though, and you realized you hadn’t seen him cry since he was a toddler. He reached forward to clutch your shirt, trying his hardest to muffle his tears while he leaned against your chest.

“Oh God. Please don’t cry. I’m serious. Dave. Please don’t.”

He whimpered softly against you.

“He hates me Bro… He hates me… And I probably look so fucking lame right now and you probably think I’m the weakest excuse for a life form ever and I’m sorry I’m so so sorry-“

“Dave, get ahold of yourself.”

“I’m a fucking failure. It’s so stupid and I’m so stupid but I just love him. I goddamn love him Bro and you probably think that’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard because he’s John, but I love him. I love him and no one understands-“

“Dave.”

He stopped talking, suddenly aware of how whiney his voice had gotten.

“You think you’re the first person to ever put it all out there and fail? That you’re the only person to ever have a crush? We all have our John Egbert, that first person we fall so fucking hard for nothing else even matters. And just because you confessed doesn’t make you weak. It just makes you brave as hell.”

He sniffed.

“Now pull yourself together.”

He nodded.

“It’s just not fair, you know?” he said quietly.

“Life isn’t fair. You got stuck with me as an older brother after all.”

He laughed. It wasn’t the most exuberant laugh, but it was a laugh none the less.

“Now listen to me. We all have that person who sits in front of us in class, you know the one, with bright eyes and a cute smile. That one person who lights up our world without even knowing it. That one person who you’ll never ever be with but still love anyway. That one you feel like you’ll never get over. Everyone has a crush. Everyone has a John Egbert in their lives.”

You watched as Dave shrugged, looking less than impressed, so you continued.

“Everyone in your high school? Has or had a John Egbert. Your teachers? Had a John Egbert. Your principle? Had a John Egbert. That old lady that walks her devil Pomeranian in front of our apartment building? Had a John Egbert.”

Dave rolled his eyes.

“Okay Bro I think you’re taking the metaphor a little too far. It’s getting creepy.”

You smirked.

“My point is you have a John Egbert. Who is actually John Egbert. And if things work out between you two? Great. Things don’t? You’re just like everyone else in the world. Even me.”

“You’re shitting me,” Dave scoffed.

“Hm?”

“You’ve never had someone turn you down. Quit trying to relate to me. It’s never gonna work.”

“I’m serious!”

“Yeah right.”

“What, just because I’m old I’m not entitled to a high school romance?”

“Nah. I just can’t see you fawning over someone like an average school girl,” Dave said with a grin that looked much more familiar on his face.

“You better believe it. It was like a plot straight from the animes.”

“Yeah still not convinced.”

You shot him a coy smile, straightening your glasses and raising your hands in your best story teller impression like you used to when he was a kid.

“Then imagine this; tenth grade, English class, new transfer student.”

“Oh God this sounds lame already-”

“Gets sat down right next to me. Right next to me, Dave. Like it was foretold in the stars.”

“It just got worse-“

“So I look over at him. Scrawny, weeabo, fifteen year old me. And what does he do? He shoots me a wink with two hand-pistols like he’s in a fucking movie. It went straight to my heart Dave. You don’t even know how cute he was.”

“Wait you had a crush on a guy-“

“Anyway. I showed him around the school, introduced him to my two friends, and he hit it right off with all of us.”

“Bro I’m serious you never told me you had a thing for dudes-“

“God, I remember him now. He was shorter than me but stronger, and knew how to strife too. All bright green eyes and buck teeth and cheesy movie quotes and fake British accent. He was downright perfect.”

“He sounds lame-“

“So him and I soon became best friends. Which was great because there was only so much I could talk about with two girls as friends, no offense to Roxy and Jane because they were fantastic, but Jake, Jake, was amazing.”

“Wait a minute are you just copying me and John’s story and changing the names-“

“No fucking way. Jake was way cooler than John. Me and him could wrestle and talk forever. We arranged all our classes to be next to each other. And before I knew it I was fucking in love with him.”

“Bro if this is some twisted form of pitying me-“

“Shhhh. This is the part where shit starts to go down. See, my friend Roxy picked up on my intentions pretty quickly-“

“Oh my God. You can just say Rose. I know this is some parody of my romance life-“

“And she was caught in-between sides because our friend Jane also liked Jake-”

“No dude. Since when did anyone say Jade had the hots for John-“

“For the last time this isn’t about you. This is the tragic story of my first heartbreak. Now shut up and listen. You should feel honored in the fact I’ve never told anyone this.”

Dave seemed annoyed, but closed his mouth.

“So Jane-and before you get any ideas about us hating each other let me tell you we were best friends- also harbored an infatuation for our friend. And it sort of became a race to see who could confess to him without actually confessing to him first.”

“Let me guess; she did, you lost your loser almost-boyfriend, and they lived happily ever after while you grew up to run a porn site and do a shitty job of raising your little brother.”

“Nope. But… close,” you said, suddenly feeling a rush of emotion you weren’t expecting hit your chest.

(You weren’t going to admit to yourself it was still there though. That would be uncool.)

“I… confessed first. After a long period of wooing and an even longer period of intricate courtship, I just came out and said it.”

Dave looked up at you expectantly. You cocked your head in curiosity.

“And…?” he said, gazing up at you with interest.

“And what?”

“What happened?!”

“Oh, do you actually care about my childhood now?”

Dave groaned.

“Just tell me what fucking happened.”

“Strange, I remember asking you the same thing not too long ago.”

“BRO!”

“Okay, okay. Calm your broken-hearted man-tits. So I confessed and he got all flustered and then…”

You swallowed down an emotion you weren’t even going to classify. Nope. There was no feeling left in that part of your heart at all.

“He just sort of… rejected me. He apologized, which I thought was weird, and he asked if I would still consider him a dear friend, which I of course accepted… And he ended up turning down Jane too… and just took off to explore Africa after high school… but still… It was just kind of…”

“Heartbreaking?” Dave said quietly.

You felt something that had been patched up in your chest shatter again.

“Yeah, little man. Heartbreaking.”

You both sat there for a moment, neither of you really feeling like the silence warranted breaking. It wasn’t awkward though. If anything it was relaxing. You heard Dave sigh softly.

“He still sounds a lot like John.”

You nodded.

“He was my John Egbert after all.”

“You still love him?” Dave asked.

“He’s probably married by now.”

“But you still love him.”

“…Yeah.”

“You think I’m as doomed with Egbert as you were with him?”

“I don’t know. That’s for you guys to figure out,” you shrugged.

“Oh.”

“But just between you and me, Egbert has a way higher chance of being gay than Jake.” You said with a wink.

Dave punched you.

“Whatever.” He mumbled.

“Now c’mon kid. I, Bro Strider, as head of this household, proclaim chocolate chip ice cream and Adele songs for the rest of the night as we ironically cry over bright eyed bucktoothed losers in glasses.”

Dave smiled. Genuinely smiled. It made your freshly re-wounded heart heal just the slightest.

“Fuck yeah. That sounds badass in the most ironic way possible-“

The doorbell rang.

You both jumped against your trained senses.

Dave looked like he’d just seen a ghost.

“Bro you don’t think-“

You shushed him quietly, exiting his room and flashstepping to the front door. You took a deep breath and opened the door to a mess of black hair and glasses that reminded you way to much of Jake right now.

John Egbert stood in front of you, looking scared with just the slightest bit of determination as you glared at him from beneath your shades.

“Your dad know you’re here, kid?” you said in a rather monotone voice that greatly contradicted the one you’d been feelings-jamming with Dave with.

“He’s in the car downstairs…” John said, voice thinning as he shrunk under your gaze.

“Uh huh.”

“C-Can I speak with Dave please?” he squeaked.

“Depends on what you’ve got to say to him-“

“Bro.”

You looked behind you to see Dave standing firmly, his arms planted in front of his chest and his face re-covered by his aviators. The ones John had given him, you noticed.

“Come on in John,” he said, not speaking anything more to you.

(It didn’t stop you from whispering “you break his heart and I’ll break your neck” into John’s ear as he passed. You’ve never felt prouder as a parent.)

John paled, put followed Dave to the futon as you shut the door.

“Look Dave…” He started, but Dave waved a hand to dismiss him.

“You don’t even have to go there, bro. What I did was stupid. And I’m sorry. I realize I probably made you feel pretty fucking uncomfortable didn’t I?”

John bit his bottom lip in nervousness, shifting his gaze from you to Lil Cal to everywhere in the room that wasn’t Dave’s face.

“D-Do… Do you like me?” He almost whispered.

Dave pursed his lips.

“Does it matter? We’re best bros.”

“It does. Actually.”

Dave stayed silent. You decided to back into the kitchen to give them some privacy while still making sure you could kick Egbert out of the house if need be.

“Dave I promise I’m not gonna end our friendship or whatever you’re afraid of. I just really need to know!”

“I…” Dave was blushing, he must really love this kid, “Yeah, Egbert. I do. And I know that’s really fucked up. And… And I’m sorry.”

John looked like he was processing way more than his brain could handle.

“You don’t have to be sorry! I just… am figuring out what to do.”

“Look dude you don’t have to figure out anything. Just forget I even did anything and we can just get on with our eternal broship-“

“But Dave I kind of like you too and-!”

You could have heard a smuppet drop as both you and Dave froze.

“-And I’m just not really sure what to do.” John said, his own face blushing now.

You watched and envisioned the downward spiral of Dave’s stoic mask. The shock, the disbelief, the self-doubt if what he heard was real, the realization, more disbelief, happiness, and finally-

“Oh my God, why are you crying?!” You heard John exclaim as tears drained from Dave’s eyes.

He smiled though. And fucking jumped on Egbert, who yelped.

“You’re serious?” He asked, way too excited to pass as a Strider.

John laughed.

“Yeah- I- Yeah I guess I am.”

Dave hugged his friend (well, now boyfriend you guess, the lucky kid) and smiled.

What the fuck happened to the kid you raised.

“Then… can we maybe continue our ironic bro-sleepover?” He asked.

Really what the fuck happened to him.

He gave John the most hopeful, innocent look you'd ever seen.

What the hell, Dave.

John smiled, his buckteeth showing in a way that was all too familiar.

“Of course! My dad’s in the car and you left your stuff at my place-“

You cocked an eyebrow as your little brother kissed the blue-eyed boy right on the mouth. It wasn’t exactly intimate, barely a peck, but it made the corners of your mouth perk up just slightly. When they were finished gazing into each other’s eyes, Dave glanced at you.

“Bro… Can I-“

“Of course.”

He ran up and hugged you. The force of it almost knocked you off balance.

“See ya kid. No fucking until you’re eighteen.”

You received a punch to the gut from Dave as John’s face turned red.

“Thanks Bro.” Dave said, all cool and collected suddenly as if he hadn’t spent the night crying.

He grabbed John’s hand, and carefully gave you a controlled wave, walking towards the door.

You vaguely heard John going on about watching a movie with some adventurous uncle of his, but your heart was too busy watching them hold hands as they walked through the hallway towards the elevator. For a brief second you imagined you and English there, and the resemblance was almost startling.

You sighed as you shut the door, going straight towards the untouched ice cream in the freezer and pulling your IPhone and headphones out.

After all, Jake English was still your John Egbert. And Adele music was still ironic.

Chapter Text

“-And then, as I was crawling underneath the brush to avoid that dastardly python, I found myself face-to-face with the dreaded Amazonian flesh-eating fire ants! They came mere centimeters from the tip of my nose! I was literally staring death in the face-!”

“Mr. English, your pancakes are getting chilled.”

You stifled a smirk as John’s father eloquently chastised his overenthusiastic half-brother about his table manners. You were still deciding on John’s dad’s feelings towards this guy, and if “Mr. English” was a sign of their distant relationship or if Dad just really was that formal. John didn’t seem fazed by it though. He sat next to you, holding your hand underneath the table, and took on that dreamy expression that he got when he was fascinated with a particularly good narrative. His uncle was certainly a character to behold after all.

“C’mon Dad! Let Uncle English finish the story!” your new boyfriend exclaimed.

His dad frowned, “John-“

The other man waved him off though.

“Nah, your father’s right, Johnny-boy. I shouldn’t let this feast go to waste, now should I? I promise we’ll finish this exciting account of my brave adventures later. You have my Englishman’s word,”

You briefly thought John’s father muttered “for the last time you’re not an Englishman” under his breath, but decided that was impossible because Dad never made distasteful comments about anyone. (Even when he met your Bro. Which was saying something.)

Neither John nor his uncle seemed to hear it though, which almost confirmed your suspicions that they were both dense as hell, and everyone soon began resuming their breakfast in peace. At least, until “Uncle English” turned towards you.

“So… It’s Dave, right?” he inquired, holding up his fork to point at you, face still half full of food, “I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself before, my good man! For an adventurer you’d never believe how easily I get tuckered out after travelling, and I’m afraid I took a small power nap last night during your arrival. It’s kind of a common thing for me and my family. In fact my Grandmother used to pass out constantly for no reason all the time! Maybe I just get it from her. Huh, I never really put much thought into it but I guess that makes since-“

“Yeah. I’m Dave.” You interrupted, taking a swig of your apple juice casually.

You could have sworn Dad bit back a laugh.

“Oh dear, sorry there, I do apologize for my ramblings. I tend to lose my points fairly quickly!”

You quickly came to the conclusion not to make a sarcastic retort. Even though papa Egbert was pretty chill over the “sup, I’m dating your son” situation, there was no need to piss off a member of his family, no matter how much he seemed to be annoyed by him.

“It’s cool, Mr. English.” You simply replied.

He gave you a bucktoothed smile that mirrored John’s almost perfectly and certainly reflected in Dad as well. It sort of felt like you were interfering with some nerdy family reunion of ultimate geekdom. You supposed that even though the two brothers only had the same mother, she must have had some really strong dork-genes going on that only seemed to amplify in your boyfriend.

“Yeah! Plus when you ramble it’s about cool stuff!” John added, stopping your thoughts of how the Egbert family relations worked.

His uncle laughed.

“Well I do find pleasure in the fact you find me entertaining,” he said to John, then turned back to you, “Oh! And you don’t have to be all formal with all these ‘Mr. English’ titles being tossed around. ‘Mr. Egbert’ here is just a bit old fashioned.”

The “Mr. Egbert” in question looked like he had a few old fashioned things to say to his brother, but again the other man didn’t seem to notice.

“Er, yeah, sorry…” You replied

“Nonsense!” He started, “You can call me by my name if you wish.”

You stared at him blankly.

“Oh silly me! I didn’t even introduce myself fully! What kind of gentlemanly behavior is that?”

He cleared his throat.

“Jake English, at your service.”

You choked.

The three others stared at you as you wiped apple juice from you chin, taking in what he’d just told you.

It couldn’t be him, right?

Right?

Of course it wasn’t. That dude was long gone. Probably married with kids and living in some suburb. You were just overanalyzing things because your Bro had just told you last night about some kid he knew in high school. Jake was common and Bro hadn’t even told you his last name. What were you even thinking? Nothing logical that’s for sure.

“Thanks… Jake,” you forced out.

“No problem, young sir!”

His fingers mock-shot you as he threw a wink in your direction.

Holy shit it was totally him.

Suddenly it all clicked. The fake British accent, the overzealous attitude, the adventurous spirit, the stories he’d been spouting out about being everywhere from the African savannah to the sweaty rainforests of South America. By some twisted form of fate you were dating the nephew of your Bro’s one-that-got-away mere hours from when you’d been informed of his existence. If you weren’t so surprised you’d laugh at the irony.

“Everything alright, Dave?” you heard Dad say, giving you some concerned fatherly look that made you realize you’d been sporting a really confused expression on your face for the past few moments.

“Yeah. Yeah totally. Chill as a fu-fricking polar bear drinking Coca-Cola in Antarctica,” you replied quickly, almost not catching your accidental f-bomb and ending up having to use a really shitty metaphor, “but can you excuse me for a second?”

You got up so quickly your chair teetered dangerously on the point of crashing backwards. You didn’t care though. You booked it for the bathroom. As soon as the pastel colored walls were safely around you and the door was shut you whipped out your phone.

“Hello. You’ve reached the Lalonde residence,” came a painfully sweet voice from the other end.

“Drop the act Rose. I know you’re just answering the phone like that to piss off your mom.”

You could almost see her, sitting on a grey couch, cat in her lap, smirking into the mouthpiece of an old-fashioned candy pink phone.

“Hmm. Usually you’d just play along. Everything alright?”

“Yeah.”

“You sound rather troubled.”

“I’m not ‘rather troubled’; don’t pull that psychoanabullshit on me.”

“Psychoanalytical, Strider.”

“What the fuck ever. Now I need your help.”

If smugness could come through a phone line.

“What could you possibly need my assistance for? Taking up my offer for a therapy service finally?”

“No.”

“Pity.”

“Look, your mom grew up here didn’t she?”

She groaned through the wire, “What does my mother have to do with anything?”

“Just tell me.”

“Yes, she did.”

“Does she have a yearbook? I know this sounds like crazy weird but I need to look up someone who went to her high school.”

“You do realize we have libraries for a reason, right? They’re not just there to be casually ignored by the common population.”

“Like someone as badass as me would ever step foot in a shitty nerdtropolis place like that. And anyway, I kind of need this info like right now.”

“Well, I happen to be busy right now.”

You let out a laugh.

“Rose. Jade’s out of town. I’m with John. You finished your latest fanfiction yesterday because you called me up in the middle of the night to read all two hundred pages to my poor brain. What could you possibly be doing?”

She huffed, but set down the receiver and you heard the faint sounds of her stalking out of the room. You waited for a short while until she came back, the sharp ticks of flipping pages audible.

“All right. I’m in the index of her senior yearbook. What am I looking up?”

“Jake English.”

“Why would you possibly need to look up Jake?”

“Huh?”

“Why are you looking up Jake,” she repeated.

“Wait a minute. You know him?” you asked.

“Oh course. He was only one of my mother’s closest friends. They still write letters I believe.”

You didn’t really know what to make of this information so you decided to just ignore it. You’d found out more than you wanted to ever know about the generation before you anyway.

“She was- Okay, never mind. But he did go to that high school right? Is my Bro there too?”

“Seems to point to that. I’m currently looking at a picture of them, my mom, and another girl. My mother’s told me they were all very close friends. Is that what you were looking for?”

You heard a knock on the bathroom door.

“Yes. Shit, Rose I’ve gotta go.”

“You just got on the phone-“

“I’ll call you back.”

“What? No thank you for my services? That’s very-“

You hung up the phone, knowing full well you had a two page written apology to her in your future before you’d be able to talk again. Whatever, there were more important matters right now.

“Dave?” John’s voice called out from the other side of the door.

You sighed and opened it, shooting him a casual smile and brushing past him like nothing was wrong. He didn’t look convinced.

“Dave? Is everything okay?”

“Yep. Everything’s totes awesome, Egbert. I’m just on top of the fucking world when I take a leak.”

“Dave-“

“There you are!” Jake said as you made your way back into the dining room, and you wondered if he ever stopped smiling, “I was beginning to think I’d scared you off! I’ve done that before, you know. Though that was in the savannah and instead of yourself it was a rather agitated lion but that’s besides the point-“

“My last name is Strider.”

He stopped talking.

“Well that’s certainly a fine name, young man-“

“Think really hard. Striiiiider.”

“I don’t think I understand…”

“Strider.”

He shot you a rather perplexed look, before he widened his eyes in realization.

“By the stars! I haven’t heard that name in years!” his grin grew even wider and you wondered how the fuck that was even possible, “Are you Dirk’s kid?”

You laughed, “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

He jumped up and made his way over to you, grabbing your hand and shaking it vigorously in a way that made you almost uncomfortable.

“Well now, isn’t this a surprise! Your father and I were best friends back in the day! I had no idea he and Roxy finally tied the knot. She never even mentioned it in her letters! I should have expected such a fine young man though, I’m sure they-“

“Wait a minute, are you thinking he and Lalonde’s Mom-?”

His face fell a little.

“Oh, well… Please excuse me! I just thought…” he trailed off, face contorting into concentration and then a little embarrassment, “Sorry, I tend to forget to be culturally sensitive after so many years in the wild, and you looked so much like him I just assumed... er… I guess he has a partner, right? Again I’m sorry-“

You let out a short bark of a laugh, “Fuck no. Guy would be lucky to find anyone to put up with his shit the way he acts-“

You looked into the face of one very exasperated Jake English and shut your mouth. The poor guy looked desperately confused and very afraid of offending you.

“I’m his younger brother,” you said quickly, and realization dawned on his face.

“Oh, I see! Well that clears everything up, sorry you must have thought I was a bit loony for a while there,” he said scratching his head, “It is a pleasure to meet you though! Of all the people John could have been friends with, it must have been fate for us to encounter!”

You held back rolling your eyes. This guy was like a walking movie cliché.

“Dave, do you have your stuff ready? I don’t want to rush you, but I believe your brother wanted you home early,” Dad said before you could respond to Jake.

You glanced briefly at the clock. It was already almost eleven. Dad’s late breakfasts were always great, but you and your bro always set aside Saturdays as ironically named “bro-time”.

“Heh. I guess I lost track of time,” you said, quickly clinking your plate into the sink, “Would you mind giving me a lift?”

Dad was about to respond when Jake interrupted.

“I can!” He said excitedly, “I’d love to catch up with Dirk! Guy hasn’t written me a letter in years! Then again I am pretty hard to keep track of with all the exploring, but it’s still been a long time and-“

“Really? Sweet.” You replied, breaking off yet another ramble, reaching for your repacked bag you’d placed on the stairs.

Jake quickly cleaned off his own half-finished plate and grabbed a set of car keys. You both made your way towards the door while Dad and John both gave you their goodbyes. It was pretty casual, you’d probably Skype with John later tonight anyway.

“See ya John. Wanna hit the movies tomorrow?” you asked, looking at your boyfriend who seemed a bit confused as to what was going on, but was nodding anyway.

“That’d be awesome! Maybe Jake can come too?” He replied, and if Jake’s face lighting up wasn’t the cutest thing you’d ever seen you didn’t know what was. You vaguely glimpsed why Bro fell in love with such a dork.

You turned around to look at him, “You’re welcome to join in if you want.”

“I’d love to!” He said, doing the stupid wink again.

He walked out the front door towards what appeared to be a rental car and mumbling to himself, “Oh boy, a real old time movie! I haven’t seen anything that wasn’t on a laptop in forever…!”

You and John stood there awkwardly for a moment, the only sound being from Dad doing the dishes back in the kitchen. He bit his lip, and you shifted your feet, and it felt like you should be saying something but you weren’t. So instead you leaned forward to plant another small peck on his lips, holding it for a second while he froze in confusion. But before he could react you booked it out the door and into the shotgun seat of Jake’s car.

This time fleeing felt good though.

-

“So… You and John, huh?” Jake said without looking up from the road, his voice sounded a bit nervous.

“Hm?”

“Are you guys like… a thing… or whatever it’s called nowadays?”

You smirked at his attempt to connect.

“Yeah. You could call it that.”

He nodded thoughtfully, “For how long?”

“A day?” you shrugged, but he seemed lost in thought, “We’ve been bros for a hell of a long time now. I just worked up the balls to confess last night.”

“Really now? Congrats!”

“Yeah, John was actually really cool about it. We’ve planned are first official ironic not-bro date for next Friday. Though I have a feeling that it won’t be much different than normal. We usually hang out on weekends anyway.“

“So you guys were really close friends then?” he asked, his voice seeming to falter just the slightest.

“Oh yeah. Me and Egbert are connected at the hip. We’re like the baddest badass bros around. You should see us at school. Nobody fucks with the Strider-Egbert duo.”

“Hmm…” he mused, looking through the side of his glasses at you, “You remind me a lot of him, you know. Your brother, I mean.”

It was a little awkward, and Jake seemed to have calmed down enough to start analyzing you. You really did look like your Bro; people had always told you that. If you spiked up your hair and dressed like a douchebag and you guys could almost be twins. You had a feeling English was going deeper than that though, and it was slightly unnerving.

“Make a right here,” You said abruptly, interrupting the silence so he could make another turn closer to your apartment. He wasn’t very far passed the correct street, but you held onto the side of the seat as he dramatically squealed it to the side and surged onto it. You were lucky it was a residential area and everyone was at work or he could have really gotten you both into a wreck. He seemed to get off on the little thrill though, so you didn’t voice a complaint.

“So tell me now,” he said once he fully finished the turn, “Is Dirk… Okay?”

“Okay?”

“Yes. Like… Happy.”

“Oh yeah, the guys living the dream,” you said dully.

He gave you a confused look.

“That was sarcasm.”

“I know that!” he said in an insulted tone.

“Alright, alright. I was kidding. My Bro’s fine.”

“Are you sure-“

“My building is the third one on the left here.”

He made yet another dramatic turn, and you wondered how he even passed his driver’s test.

“Are you absolutely positive he’s okay?”

“I don’t fucking know. They guy raised me alright so I’m pretty sure he’s at least functional.”

Jake sighed, finding a parking spot, turning off the rental, and looking towards you. You immediately grabbed your bag and opened the passenger door. Stepping out into the sunlight you looked behind you to see that Jake hadn’t moved. His hands still clutched the steering wheel, and he appeared to be lost in thought.

“You coming?” you asked.

“I don’t want to impose-“ he quickly stuttered out.

You rolled your eyes.

“I thought you said you wanted to see him. Bro sure as hell isn’t doing anything.”

“I know I said that, I was excited! But don’t think-“

“C’mon. Get out of the car. He’s your best friend isn’t he?”

“Well yes, but you have to understand the last time we talked didn’t really play out very well-“

“Dude, it’s been over a decade. I don’t think he would care.”

Jake bit his lip in the same manner John did, and the sight made you smile.

“Jake English, get your fat ass out of that driver seat right now before I go and get my Bro to fucking come down here and drag you upstairs.”

He nodded finally, letting out a small chuckle before opening his door to get up and face you.

“Right-O. What’s life without a little adventure?”

“Dude, you’re riding an elevator up to see an old friend. That’s hardly adventurous.”

He stuck his tongue out at you in a childish manner.

He was annoying as hell, but you think Jake could actually be pretty cool.

Maybe.

-

The door to your apartment was worn and sword scarred, and hardly looked inviting, but Jake didn’t seem to be bothered by it. Instead he stood confidently, knocking on the door like he’d requested, even though you knew the spare key was next to the ironic “no place like home” doormat, hidden in a cherry red smuppet (after all, what burglar would want to stick his hand in that?). But Jake was formal, and had wanted to make a proper entrance.

The door slid open with a familiar creek, and Bro stood in front of you in all his anime glory.

“What the fuck, lil’ man? You’re like an hour and a half late to Bro-time. Me and these shitty rom-coms have been sobbing all alone-“

You watched his words stop spilling when he noticed Jake.

“Strider! It’s been too long!” his old friend exclaimed.

He stared dumbfounded, brain looking like it was grasping for words for the first time in his life.

“Look what I dragged in from the dumpster, Bro.” you said with a signature smirk.

His face jerked to you, then back to Jake, and then back to you, jaw still hung open in surprise.

You rolled your eyes.

“So you gonna keep us poor old beggars freezing in the cold or are you going to be the Good Samaritan and let us insi-“

The door was promptly slammed in your face.

Oh.

Chapter Text

Oh shit.

Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit.

Okay calm down and assess the situation.

Just think through this. You always do.

The door’s closed. Locked. You’re okay for the moment.

Think think think.

What the hell do you do now?

You glanced briefly at the emergency bag you kept under the kitchen sink.

You could leave of course.

But then Jake would probably think you’re a bigger coward than before.

Goddammit Dave. How the hell did he even find him? It’s been literally a fucking day since your awkward bro speech.

You heard shuffling from outside the apartment, and the distinct sound of Jake exclaiming something (you weren’t going to admit how much you missed that voice) and the familiar creak of the window of your apartment’s living room opening. You swung around to see Dave finishing pulling his leg through your window. Your apartment window. Your eleventh floor apartment window. Your eleventh floor apartment window with a four inch ledge that was far from safe to balance on. Big brother instincts overrule everything else yet again.

“Dave, I thought I told you not to fucking climb out there anymore or we’ll get the fire department called on us again-“

“You slammed the floor in my face.”

Oh.

Well.

Touché.

He crossed his arms over his chest and tapped his foot. He didn’t look mad. Just sort of judgmental. And a little bit intimidating. Did you just find your little brother intimidating? You need to get ahold of yourself. Why does everything seem threatening when something throws you off plan?

“So... You gonna tell me why you just left me and Jake at the door like a bitchy fiancée at the alter or am I going to have to bring him in here to ask,” Dave asks after a moment of silence.

A muffled, “Strider? You in there?” could be heard from the still closed door.

Your eye twitched.

“Look, kid. I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but bringing Jake here is not a good idea,” your voice was firm, reprimanding really, when the hell did you start sounding like a parent.

“Jake, who happens to be one of your best friends from high school? Seems like an awfully kind thing for me to do, reuniting best bros,” Dave retorted, “Besides, I didn’t bring him here. He asked to come.”

“Dirk?” Jake called.

Dammit why was that still so nice to hear him say your name? You shook you head. No time for those thoughts now.

“You know damn well why I wouldn’t want to see him,” you hissed.

“Dude you were like a teenager! Get over it, he’s your friend.”

“Dave, they’re called crushes for a reason. They crush your heart and then you move on with your life,” okay, that sounded stupid even to you.

“I thought you said he was your John Egbert.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

You already knew the answer.

“Well I got my John Egbert. Why shouldn’t you?”

Damn.

“First of all, that was a shitty metaphor to begin with. Second, don’t try and play fucking matchmaker with me, kiddo. And third, me and Jake are nothing like yours and John’s cliché anime story so don’t go messing around with-“

“STRIDER! I’M COMING IN!”

A deadbolt and lock shattered as the front door swung (and possibly broke off its hinges, good thing you had spares) inwards as a boot kicked it expertly in typical overdramatic movie fashion. A head of all too familiar unruly dark hair rushed towards you, fists raised in front of him and head down in a charge.

Dave had the quick instinct to get the hell out of the way with a flashstep, while you were so surprised that you let the barreling body collide right into you. The air was knocked out of your lungs as you fell to the worn carpeted floor of your apartment. A body pinned you down, bright green eyes squinting in obvious frustration.

“WHAT THE FRIGGEN HELL, DIRK?!”

Okay, okay. Act cool. You are fucking cool. Why can’t you act cool right now.

(shit shit shit shit)

You straightened out your surprised face. Play it cool. You’re a Strider.

“Sup, English. Long time no see.”

Oh my God you were so uncool.

Jake rolled his eyes with much more gusto than an average person. At least you knew that he certainly hadn’t changed a bit.

“Don’t give me that!” he spat.

“You’re the one who just broke into my house.”

“You locked me out!”

His arm reached back in a wind up for a punch.

Oh, a fight already.

A challenge really.

Or a duel, as he would call it.

He really hadn’t changed.

He let his fist fly forward, and you quickly shoved him off the top of you before it landed. Regaining your balance on your feet, you turned around to press a foot into his back before he was able to get up, effectively causing him to collapse on his stomach, arms sprawling out.

“Losing your touch,” you smiled, clicking your tongue.

“If you would have told me where you went maybe we could have sparred more,” he mumbled into the carpet.

You faltered.

“Jake, I-“

Your foot was ungracefully grabbed as he twisted onto his side, and you were forced to jump away from him less you wanted the handicap of being on the ground. Jake’s smile widened as he took the advantage you had given him, hopping to his feet and readying his fists.

(Somewhere on the sidelines of your makeshift battlefield you could hear Dave checking his phone and letting out a bored sigh.)

“You ready to go, Strider?” Jake shot out, the wild look of a fight in his eye.

“No weapons?”

“Just a good old fashioned fisticuff.”

“Figured.”

You charged this time, reaching for a left undercut to his stomach.

“Why are you here,” you deadpanned.

He sensed your attack, and twisted out of the way just in time to ready his elbow for impact with your nose.

“Because you fell off the gosh darn face of the earth, Dirk!” he replied.

You quickly ducked, not falling for such an amateur move, and prepared your left leg for a fast kick to his side.

“I had to take care of my brother.”

He dropped and rolled, popping up on your left for a surprise hit.

“You didn’t even tell me where you went!”

You blocked it easily.

“I didn’t go very far.”

Your counterattack almost lands before he jumps to safety.

“You could have sent me your new address!”

His fist launched in a right hook. You sidestepped.

“Or your email!”

Left hook. You swerved out of the way yet again.

“Or your phone number!”

Another right punch straight towards your gut, but you were too fast for him.

“Or contacted me at all!”

His voice was becoming exasperated as he threw a few more weak hits. It made your chest tighten up.

“You just bloody left me!”

You easily caught his next thrown fist in your hand, catching his other one as well when he launched it out of instinct. He really had fallen out of practice.

“You didn’t even show up to my farewell party! I was leaving for a whole six months to a place I’d only ever dreamed about and you had the nerve to not even say goodbye!”

You lowered his hands softly, letting your face contort into an unidentifiable emotion.

“I know. That was shitty thing to do. I was a kid, English.”

He didn’t seem to be listening though.

“And then once I got back, no one had even seen you! You just went and shoved off like you never existed!”

“I know. But I came back. For Dave.”

“And you didn’t think to let me know?!”

His voice was almost to its full volume now, which is to say, far above normal screaming.

“You were off exploring. This town is tiny. I didn’t think you cared.”

He tackled you.

You let him.

His body pinned you down yet again, eyes dangerously bright and gritting his teeth in anger. You noticed a faint shimmer of tears on his cheeks as he landed a good solid punch to your face that you didn’t even flinch from.

You probably deserved that.

“You fucking left me.” he whispered out harshly.

“I’m sorry, okay?” you replied slowly.

“Roxy refuses to give me your number. You asked her to isolate you, I know. But,” he shakes his head, “Why?”

You shift your face to the side, chickening out like a loser and refusing to make eye contact.

“You know damn well why, English. I fucked things up.”

He threw his hands in the air, effectively causing you to grunt when he full on sat on your stomach, “You were all of seventeen years old! You got infatuated!”

“I shouldn’t have done something like that to you.”

He sighed, his hands now twirling as in gesturing an imaginary object, “It was a little strange for me then, I do confess, but I get the feeling you thought I hated you because I couldn’t give you an answer.”

You wanted to shrink into the floor. It was like you were fucking fifteen again.

He let out a quick huff of air, “I’m sorry that I didn’t notice. We never really got the chance to talk about it, with you running off and all-“ there was a choke of laughter from Dave across the room, letting you know he was eavesdropping in, ”-I was probably leading you on all those years. I was never the most observant of blokes, you know, especially when it came to my friends-“

“Don’t worry about it.”

“But really all that was my fault! I don’t know why you’re blaming yourself for crushing on me. If anything I should be downright flattered!”

You shook your head in disbelief, letting it thump to the ground.

“I fucked up our friendship and you’re flattered.”

“Don’t go rephrasing what I’m saying! You always used to do that!”

“Can’t help it if it’s the truth.”

“It’s not! Dag nab it, Dirk! You didn’t do anything wrong!”

“I did. And I’m sorry.”

His exasperated expression turned to a scowl.

“Oh, for frigs flipping sake, stop being so apologetic! Since when did you start caring so much about what other people think?” he huffs, hands now simply balling into fists, “All of you are completely changing! Jane’s suddenly too busy with running her company to see me, and she always seems so stressed, and Roxy has started and drinking again, and now you, you’re so, well, not Dirk! I just… I just don’t know what to think anymore.”

His arms cross in front of him in defiance now.

You frowned, “Did we really change? Or are you simply mature enough now to realize how we always were.”

He stares at you in confusion.

“Jane’s always had the weight of the world on her shoulders, you just never realized it because she never wanted to bother you with her troubles. Roxy has some serious abandonment issues, you just never asked. And I… I’ve always been a bit different, but I’ve always wanted to be the best as well. It’s called perfectionism, English. I wasn’t perfect for you and I couldn’t take it. And you’re just now noticing the problem here because for once I’m making you think like an adult.”

He bites his lip.

“Golly, I guess… I was always rather… Dense.”

“You can put it that way.”

“Now that I put some thought into it, I never really did listen to you all, did I?”

“Heh. Got that right. Remember when you forgot Jane’s birthday?”

The words were out of your mouth before you could stop them. It was instinct almost. Let’s get the conversation the hell away from your feelings as fast as possible. Abort abort, veering to close to the Strider feels zone. Get the fuck away from there or you’re in trouble.

He let out a dramatic breath, getting off your chest and dropping to the ground beside you with a groan.

“Ugh. Don’t remind me.”

You smirked. Mission successful.

“She was so pissed, dude.”

“I hadn’t grappled the art of proper etiquette yet!”

“All you had to do was wish her a happy birthday.”

“I wasn’t that simple-“

“Oh, I’m pretty sure it was that simple.”

“You’re such a flipping asshole, Strider.”

“I know.”

And with that he started laughing. Straight up laughing. Not at you of course, at least you hoped it wasn’t at you. He was just laughing. The same way he used to when you were younger too, all hearty and overjoyed even if the joke or story wasn’t even that funny.

He turned his head to face you, tapping his forehead against your own, causing you to let the smallest of genuine smiles slip onto your features.

“I did miss you, you know. You boorish douchebag.”

“Did you just use ‘boorish’ and ‘douchebag’ in the same sentence?”

He chuckled again, and wow this felt… nice.

“I believe I just did. Can’t take the Englishman out of the city, as they say.”

You didn’t exactly know what he was going for with that, but regardless, you didn’t feel that statement warranted a comment.

“Aw, you losers done already? “ came Dave’s familiar voice as he outright kicked your side, you shifted your head up to glare at him, suddenly realizing that you and English were currently collapsed on your living room floor.

“’Cause I was already setting up a plan to charge the neighboring teenaged girls to come and see two grown, totally mature, men fight in the exact place I was about to play video games. Would have made a fortune too. If not for you meddling man-childs.”

You sighed and returned the hit from before with a heavy kick to his shin. He got the message quickly, determining the radius around you where you couldn’t land a surprise attack.

“Fine, fine. I know you guys wanna be left alone. Get caught up, talk about life, try not to destroy the whole house, the works.” He let his own smirk that greatly mirrored yours slide across his face, “Excuse me then, since apparently Bro-day is off. Lalonde wants the scoop on me and Egbert and I have an apology letter I need to hand into her personally anyway.”

“Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out,” you called, looking up just in time to see a middle finger before the door was slammed.

“Oh my, you two have a peculiar relationship, don’t you?” Jake said.

“Peculiar relationship for peculiar people.”

“Well I can certainly see the resemblance.”

“I raised him, what did you expect.”

He laughs again.

And boy, you are going to admit, to yourself at least, that you missed him.