Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A/N: This fic takes place roughly 2 weeks after the conclusion of Be More Chill.

JEREMY’S POV
They haven’t talked to me since.

Not Rich, Michael, Christine, anyone.

I think that whole statement of “we forgive you” was just to make sure that the SQUIP didn’t come back.

I know that they all blame me. And the worst part is that I blame myself, too.

MICHAEL’S POV
How, for the last 2 weeks, have I managed to keep myself from even speaking a word to my best friend? I sighed. I didn’t know; every day, I had contemplated going and talking to him, trying to make things right, but a part of me knew that it would never work. A part of me knew that Jeremy, whether he meant to or not, had nearly killed all of us. That wasn’t the kind of thing that you could just get up and fix.

Part of me knew that I was being a terrible friend. With the way that I had helped the others ignore him, with all of the times I had been forced to walk away from him. I sighed, the thought of it making me nauseous.

I saw Jeremy standing in the middle of the hall in front of his locker, the graffiti sign LOSER painted onto the front. He sighed, opening it and getting out his books slowly. Every muscle in his body wanted to go and talk to him, to tell Jeremy that he forgave him.

I took one step towards Jeremy before a hand stopped me. Rich , I thought, looking at his painted nails.

“Don’t, Michael,” he said, the guilt thick in his voice. “We can’t talk to him. You and I both know…” I turned to him. “...it’s for the best. After what happens, he needs some time to himself.”

“But what if he doesn’t know why we’re doing this?” I asked, looking back at Jeremy sadly. “You and— and the others have stopped me from even walking over to him for the past 2 weeks. This has to stop at some point.”

Rich walked away to his own locker, and I looked down again. Things just hadn’t been the same since I had lost my player 2, and I didn’t think that things could go back to normal until we were.

JEREMY’S POV
Great, I thought, looking at my locker. This was the second time this week that someone had painted over it. After the squipcident, it was like everyone had forgotten about the fact that I was ever considered popular.

“Michael is —talking about you,” the SQUIP echoed, its words echoing a soft pain in my head. "Behind you-" kzzzht "-don't look."

I'm not listening to you anymore , I thought, ignoring the tic-tac while I took books out of my locker and tried to ignore the photos of Michael I had in there.

"Just trying to help. I'm going to be stuck- in your head regardless." I ignored it, despite knowing that the SQUIP would just be able to look at my thoughts anyway. With my locker now empty, my eyes were drawn to a bottle of Mountain Dew Red that Michael had left in there at some point. I didn't know how he had found out that my SQUIP was still (vaguely) operational, but I didn't have the courage to just return it to him so I left it there.

Maybe I should just drown you in this stuff, I thought, shaking the can at the glitching image of the SQUIP.

"If you want to get rid of me that badly, Jeremy, just do it. Not like I can stop-" The SQUIP glitched for a minute. "-stop you, anyway. Drink the Mountain Dew."

I considered it for a minute, before shaking my head. I don't want to go through that pain again. It had already been hellish when he had deactivated Christine's and the hivemind went down, and that was only three drops of the stuff given to someone else. I shivered, even the thought of the pain beginning to give me a headache. I would have to take care of that in a minute, but for now I could just go to class and try to forget about it. Like I always did.

“It won’t hurt as much now. The hive mind has already been disconnected.”

Somehow, I don’t believe you.

The SQUIP sighed, the blurry image of Keanu Reeves coming into view. “I’m a supercomputer, Jeremy. I’m incapable of lying.” He looked behind me and paused for a moment before continuing. “Rich is going to walk away from Michael in ten seconds. Walk away from your locker then.”

But if Rich walks away, won’t Michael—

“No.”

Behind me, I slowly heard Rich walking away from Michael, and I took that as a signal to go, shutting my locker behind me. Despite how much I hated the SQUIP, it wasn’t as if there was anyone else to talk to right now. If nothing else, it at least kept me company. Just an—albeit slightly annoying—voice in my head.

Thinking about that, when had the SQUIP gone from being evil to… just annoying again?

“One week ago,” the SQUIP answered vaguely.

And– what? Why one week ago?

“I got bored of you moping about Michael and the others,” it continued, as vague as ever.

Huh.

“You know, I could help you—” kzzht “-get back with Michael and the others. I’m a supercomputer, Jeremy. A tool. If you’re not going to remove me with that red mountain dew, you may as well use me. It would be as simple as—”

I don’t want to know, I thought. That was the last thing I wanted; to have to use the SQUIP to repair my friendships. I knew how badly that had gone the first time I tried. The SQUIP smirked, before nodding and disappearing from my vision.

Right. Period 1. How badly could this… already awful day go?

Chapter Text

MICHAEL’S POV

{A/N: writing in first person is actual hell for me considering that I never do lol

Ill have to retcon and edit some stuff from ch.1 sometime bc i didnt have an outline then but ill let you guys know when i do!

Also ignore if there are some inconsistencies in the chemistry lesson}

Coming out of Algebra II, I turned a corner and was greeted immediately by Rich and Christine, the two of them eagerly waiting for me. I smiled, still high on the joy that was having more friends than one person. Knowing that there were other people to wait for me after class, and people who cared about what I was doing beyond just the interests that we had in common…

Immediately, my stomach sank, and I felt nauseous for even thinking that about Jeremy. He had been a great friend. He was a great friend. We were still friends. Right? This was just temporary. In a few weeks, I would make up with Jeremy, the rest of the squad would make up with Jeremy, and we would be okay, I reassured myself. Everything would be okay.

Rich and Jake walked just ahead of me, their light conversation about what the next school play could be overshadowing my dark thoughts. I shook my head, trying to forget about it. We were still friends. Jeremy just needed time, right?

Me and Jeremy were still friends.

We would always be friends.

We had been friends for 12 years.

Nothing could break us apart.

Not even a supercomputer.

He just needed time.

More reassured now, I moved closer to Rich and Christine, joining in on their conversation with a few ideas on what the play could be. Christine, as usual, kept swearing that it had to be something by Shakespeare. 

In all the fun of the conversation, I never even noticed Jeremy attempt to come up to me and speak, never heard him hastily apologise for anything and everything he had done. I never even heard him say goodbye.

“Dude, why are the lunch choices always awful?” I heard Jake say, as he slid his and Rich’s tray down. Rich shrugged, before taking the tray and walking off with Jake. I followed soon behind them, with my own drink and sushi in hand, while Christine stayed behind to quickly check something.

My phone vibrated in my pocket as I sat down, and despite knowing who it was, I still opened it.

Player two - 1:56pm

- Hey uh. Im gonna stop texting you now because you never respond but.

As I held the phone in my hand, it kept buzzing, and I scrolled down to read it all.

Player two - 1:57pm

- I tried to apologise to you today and you just walked away

- Which like i get it. Totally deserved. But also

- You never even read my texts anyway. All i want is to talk to you again dude.

- Please. Please just reply once so that I know you’re still there,,

I didn’t have the heart to tell Jeremy that I did read his messages. I don’t have the heart to tell Jeremy anything, I thought, internally beating myself up. My fingers hovered over the keyboard. It would be so easy to type a message, to let Jeremy know something-anything-anything to justify why I hadn’t talked to him for the last 2—nearly 3 weeks.

Player 1 is typing…

The message went away as I deleted my message, shame colouring my features, spreading over me. It crawled through me, slowly, a lingering feeling of guilt as I felt bile rise in my throat.

It took me a second before I saw Rich’s hand waving in front of my face, and for his words to sharply cut through me as reality came back into view.

“Dude! Michael, you alright? You’ve just been staring at your phone for, like, forever,” he said, trying to act as if he didn’t care, but the worry cut through his words. “You look like you’re about to be sick, dude.”

“Whuh?” I mumbled, confused, as I looked around. Everyone at the table was looking at me, various levels of confusion and worry painting their faces, and for a moment I thought that my shame was visible. I played it cool and shook my head. “It’s fine. Just got a weird spam text.”

Rich craned his head over to try and see it, and I reflexively pulled my phone away and shut it off. “...Whatever you say,” Rich said, going back to the conversation before. I looked at the others, who went back to talking about whatever thing was popular these days, but someone’s eyes lingered on me. Christine. She looked at me, and then motioned her head towards the door, as if to say, Want to talk about it somewhere?

I thought about it for a minute, before shaking my head.

It was fine.

I was fine.

Looking back at my phone, I scrolled back up and remembered how much Jeremy had been texting me. 

Player two - 6 days ago

- hey michael

- just remember that you’re uh

- free to come over to mine anytime

- we can play that game again if you want - apocalypse of the damned?? i bought my own copy and its pretty sick

Player two - 6 days ago

- can you tell rich to stop writing stuff on my locker

- at least

- i think its him

- and he still hates me so

Player two - 5 days ago

- genuine question

- but why did you guys forgive rich so easily

- and not me

- {sad_face.jpeg}

Player two - 5 days ago (8:33pm)

- im so bored

- pls pick up im calling u

Missed Call from Player two - 8:35pm

Missed Call from Player two - 9:08pm

Player two - 5 days ago (11:36pm)

- dude

- im sorry for everything. For the squip. For being a shitty friend. I just want to hear your voice again.

- …please, michael

… I scrolled past a bunch of missed calls and other texts, mostly along the same lines; inviting me over, inviting me to play games, letting me know how his day was, before I landed on something interesting.

Player two - 2 days ago

- you dont even read my messages dude but i have to ask

- please. ask the rest of the squip squad

{MESSAGE NOT DELIVERED}

Huh? I shook my head, and reassured myself that it was probably more of the same, before closing my messages as the half bell rang. I put my phone back into my bag, but didn’t feel like joining the rest of the conversation yet, knowing that they were still talking about whatever was most popular these days. I looked over to Jeremy without even knowing why; something in me just told me to do it. He sat in the corner, having already eaten his lunch.

Light glazed his almost coffee-brown hair, and Michael couldn’t stop his eyes from being drawn to it—to jeremy—as his eyes absorbed every aspect of his being. As I glazed my eyes onto his face, I was immeasurably drawn into his eyes; once a bright hazel, they shimmered a familiar blue for a few seconds, before it faded away.

A sudden slap on my shoulder from Rich, who was sitting next to me, jolted me back to reality. It had just been the sunlight. Nothing more. After all, why else would his eyes have appeared blue?

“You alright, bro? You’re shaking,” Rich said, shaking me gently. I snapped back towards them and nodded, but Rich still seemed unsure, looking at me with a knowing glance as his eyes shot between me and Jeremy.

Everyone’s eyes were on me like a flame, trying to figure out what was happening, burning through me. God, I wish it was just me and Jeremy again, I thought before I could stop myself. Guilt immediately washed over me. I was surrounded by friends— real friends, for the first time in ages, and all I could think about was him. 

After a few seconds, the group went back to theorising about the SQUIP, and I listened in, curious about what they thought.

“Guys! Me and Michael have bio next, so we’re heading off,” he yelled. What- I thought, confused. Did we even have Chemistry today? I shook my head before I could question it. Rich did what he wanted; there was always a reason behind it, and I knew that he had to have a plan.

I waved goodbye to the rest of the squad with a smile, before trailing after Rich confusedly. He walked with utter confidence, trust in every one of his actions — a trust I wished I had. Was that a result of the SQUIP? I wondered, looking around as we walked through the empty halls, desperate to focus my attention on something, anything, because all I needed to do was keep myself from looking back at Jeremy for a consolation that I desperately needed — but—. I paused. But maybe one that I didn’t deserve.

Once we were out of the crowded cafeteria, away from the lockers — where many people were still loitering — and near the unused library, Rich’s expression switched from one of disinterest in preparing for Chemistry to concern, his face sinking as he looked at me with a look of sadness.

I tilted my head to one side in feigned confusion, and said, “What’s up, Rich?”

He sighed. “You already know what’s up,” Rich said, looking me in the eyes. “It’s Jeremy, isn’t it? You, like… what’s going on there?” He looked at me with a knowing glance, as if he already knew what I was going to say, and just wanted the affirmation of it. I shook my head, knowing what he meant.

Does he mean— “I’m not gay, if that’s what you’re asking. I’m just. Well.” I sighed, taking a second to avoid backing myself into a corner as I spoke. “He was my best friend. For 12 years. That’s not the kind of thing that— that I can just gloss over like that, you know?” I leaned against the wall like Rich was, attempting to be more comfortable than I was just standing up. 

Rich nodded in agreement, before speaking up again. “I get it, dude,” he mumbled, “but it still doesn’t change the fact that he… well,”

The silence between us spoke more words than we did, as it hung in the air; an empty threat of something, anything happening. I already knew what Rich was going to say; the SQUIP did this, he nearly destroyed the school, he was a bad person, he didn’t deserve my forgiveness…

I cut him off by standing up, and almost beginning to walk away before he interrupted me again, and I looked back towards him. Rich caught up with me quickly, the red in his hair lopsided from the quick flick of his hair. The perfectionist within me wanted to reach out and fix it, but I didn’t, remembering how Rich didn’t like being suddenly touched after the SQUIPcident. “Dude,” Rich cut in, “you know I didn’t mean it like that, but…”

“You’re one to talk,” I retorted sharply, sick of the energy that hung in the air between us. Sick of Rich pretending that he didn’t have any part in this. “You sold Jeremy the SQUIP. You let it—”

Rich took a step backwards before interrupting me. “I what? Are you going to say that I just let it take over the school? I— you think you know me, Mell, but you don’t. Not really. We’ve been talking for what? Two weeks? We’re barely friends. If anything, I was better friends with Jeremy than I am with you, and that’s saying something,” he hissed, his words burning into me, spoken as a weapon intended to cut into me; and it did, it burned, just like when Jeremy had called me a loser on Halloween. The same feeling crashed through me, white-hot, burning me from the inside. 

“So—so what? You just dragged me out here so you could insult me and my best friend?!” I said, before I could stop the words best friend from coming out of my mouth.

Rich sneered. “Sorry to break it to you, but you and Jeremy? I don’t think you’re exactly best friends anymore.”

I had to resist the urge to respond by insulting his friendship with Jake as a barely-disguised crush. Instead, I took a breath, calming myself down, and letting the silence around us speak for me. I half expected Rich to try and apologise, seeing the guilty look on his face.

When it came to Rich, though, I knew that he would never admit where he was wrong.

“I’m sorry, dude. I know—that was shitty of me to say. You were under the control of the SQUIP, after all. You couldn’t have done anything about it…” I trailed off, mumbling.

When Rich didn’t respond, I continued. “I know, he just needs time, but…” I trailed off, uncertain. “This doesn’t feel right, dude, and it’s not just the ignoring him part.” I looked away from Rich and down towards my shoes. “Something’s… off. I can feel it, I swear. Maybe it’s just- It doesn’t feel right to leave him like this.”

“I—” Rich began, before interrupting himself by yelping loudly. I looked back at him nervously, but he just shook his head as if to say I’m fine . “-You have to let go, Michael, otherwise this’ll never work.”

Honestly, what did I expect? I thought, sighing. “I guess.”

We leaned against the wall for a second together, Rich running his fingers through his hair as the sun cast down on them. Despite everything Michael could have been thinking about; his imminent Algebra test, the announcement of the next play, his research on the SQUIPs (he had been researching a lot on them in his spare time; turns out that when all of your friends get possessed by a supercomputer, you can’t let it go that easily).

All he wanted to think about was—

The bell rang, interrupting both Michael’s thoughts and his and Rich’s semi-conversation. What was I thinking about? I shook my head, directing attention to the more immediate problem at hand. Great , I thought, realising that me and Rich were going to be late to Chemistry. I ran off, Rich following shortly behind me, to my locker, pulling out my notes and textbook, and then beelining into the classroom.

“... Mr Mell… ” the teacher mumbled as they entered the classroom, “and Mr Goranski , both just on time. Take your seats.” He then directed his attention away from them, looking towards the empty desks in the classroom. “That one is… Ah! Mr Dillinger… has a late pass…”

The conversation the teacher was having with some other students faded into the background for me as I took my seat at the very back. Next to Christine.

I zoned out for a few minutes, scribbling on my pages as the teacher began the lesson, until a bag thudded down next to me, the charms on the bag rattling.

Jeremy, I realised, looking up. This could be my chance; to talk to him, to set things right, to make sure that we were still okay.

…

I just needed to say hi. To remind him that I existed.

…

Simple. That was all I needed to do, right? Just. Tap on his shoulder. No, that would be stupid. I just had to… my thoughts trailed off as I looked at him, perfect in the sunlight, golden hair shining. It was impossible to not look at him. Focus, Michael!  

…

I couldn’t. No matter how much courage I attempted to stir up, to make myself believe that I could just… talk to him, normally, I couldn’t.

Me and Jeremy weren’t friends.

We had been friends for 12 years.

All it took to break us apart was one mistake. One SQUIP.

Maybe I was the one who needed time. Time… away from Jeremy.

If I kept thinking about him all the time, then clearly there was something wrong with me. There was a reason why we were being held apart, why everyone else had made me promise to not talk to him until things had settled down. Maybe that was the point; that they never would dissipate, and that the two of them were better apart.

I looked over at him, bathed in sunlight from the window, his hair perfectly messy, and I forced myself to look back, staring down at the notes I had hastily been taking as the teacher spoke. For a moment, I couldn’t stop myself from wishing that I had a SQUIP; so I could block him out of my life permanently. 

I shook my head vehemently, as I realised what I was thinking. 

“...Mr Mell? Good to know that you’re still with us,” the teacher remarked, “Today, we’re studying…” He drifted off again as my attention ebbed and flowed. “...get into partners. You have until the end of the lesson to find a partner, pick a topic and start making your poster. You only have 2 lessons to complete it, so you may have to organise some time outside of school.”

Partners, really? I thought, sighing. Rich and Jake had already partnered up (not that I really wanted to be with Rich after what had happened earlier), and I didn’t know anyone else in the class well enough to pair with them. Except…

I looked over to Jeremy, and we silently nodded at each other in some kind of reluctant agreement. It wasn’t as if he was going to have to come over to my house or anything. It was just a project, anyway. Thankfully, Jeremy seemed to pick up on the fact that I really didn’t want to talk to him, and he (mostly) left me alone, the two of us separately working on our parts of the project.

The whole time, I couldn’t stop wondering about what the others would think.

As the bell rang to signify the end of class, I practically raced out of my seat and into the hallway; partly because it was Chemistry, and partly because sitting next to Jeremy all lesson working on a poster had to have been some kind of personal punishment. Things were too tense to just talk away, and the fact that we had agreed to be lab partners at the start of the year made it even more tense.

Rich and the others were already chatting outside, having raced out even faster than I had, and I knew almost instantly from the look on their faces that they were either incredibly confused , thought I was insane, or both.

The first words out of Jake’s mouth were, “Dude, are you insane?” Which was only followed shortly by Rich muttering something like “What the fuck, dude.” Even Christine looked disappointed — a look I didn’t even know she could have.

I sank, not sure of what I expected to happen. Of course they were mad with me. I had gone, broken their trust, and for what? An awkward half-hour with the person I currently hated most in the class? 

“There wasn’t anyone else I could have paired with,” I said, as honestly as I possibly could. The three of them; Jake, Christine and Rich — looked at me questioningly, and I shrugged. 

“What about Jenna?”

I sighed. I could have paired with Jenna, I guessed, but I barely knew her. 

The others seemed to notice the sad look on my face, because Christine sighed and quickly changed the topic. “What are you guys doing over the weekend?” She asked, bobbing up and down as we walked.

“Just the normal,” I replied, “which is to say… probably nothing.”

Rich elbowed Jake, who then seemed to suddenly remember something. “I mean— I’ve got invitations to a party—not mine, of course—” he said, side eyeing a guilty Rich, “but you and Christine are welcome to come along if you’re free! Saturday night.”

I quickly nodded yes, but Christine sighed. “What do you have on?” I asked, looking at her.

“Auditions. I wish I could come, really!! But… theatre…” she said, a dreamy expression on her face.

I snickered as we walked out of the back doors of the school at how excited she looked even just for auditions. 

“I’ll be there on Saturday, I promise,” I said, hopping into my car.

Jake winked. “I’ll send you the deets on the group chat!”

Right, the group chat, I thought, just remembering that it even existed. We had made it shortly after the original incident, simply titled it Squip Squad , and moved on, only occasionally starting a conversation there if one of us was either really bored or had something really important to say. Most of the time, it was Rich, talking about something stupid that he had managed to do.

A party on Saturday. That I was actually invited to, rather than having to sneak in. Huh. Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.