Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

London, King's Cross Station, 1971

People around them were hugging each other, laughing and crying from excitement. Some families looked confused or slightly scared and curious. Eleven-year-olds seemed amazed by every detail, let it be a piece of fluff on someone's coat or a pointy hat worn by older witches. Future first-year students were shaking their heads left and right to see from which side the Hogwarts Express would come to the station. Parents were comforting them, reassuring them that everything would be fine, no matter in which House they would end up. Mothers were fixing their daughter's hair and their sons wrinkled jackets.

A cold hand on Narcissa’s shoulder was all she could hope for from her mother.

'Try harder this year, please.' Mrs. Black moved her hand and caressed her daughter’s back 'Your O.W.L results were disappointing, darling, we can’t have you underperform. You are so smart it would be a shame to waste such a sharp mind. Focus this time more on studying than anything else.'

Narcissa frowned.

'I passed every subject.' She hugged Echo closer to her chest. The cat meowed after she said something, like always, when Narcissa was speaking - hence the name. 'I even got an extraordinary note for Care of Magical Creatures.'

'Are you going to buy Magical Menagerie in the future?' Druella didn’t wait for Narcissa’s response, 'You have so much potential, just like your older sister. Stop looking for excuses and give me and your father a reason to be even prouder, than we already are.'

Her older sister. Bellatrix.

Technically, Narcissa had two sisters. Over a couple of months she got used to the fact, that when her parents said sister, they meant Bellatrix. A year ago they referred to every one of them by their names: Bellatrix, Andromeda, Narcissa.

Not anymore.

The default person for sister was from now on Bella. She was barely at home, more like a guest than anything else. Sisterly bond with Bellatrix was firmly one of blood and duty, there was no friendship between them. Narcissa had a completely different relationship with the middle child of the Black sisters. Andromeda was her cheerleader, mother figure to some point, friend, and the best secret keeper of all time.

Now, she was merely a stranger.

For years three of them were referred to as Black Sisters. Bellatrix looked her part the most: with her charcoal wild locks and impenetrable dark eyes, she didn’t even have to introduce herself. People already knew, with whom they were dealing. Andromeda was the personification of milk chocolate: her hair falling in soft deep brown waves, doe-like eyes, and long curled lashes.

And there was she, Narcissa Black, the youngest one. Ice Princess.

Echo looked up at her and meowed as if it could have read her thoughts.

She wasn’t sure what to answer to her mother. Than we already are... That was slightly untrue. You cannot multiply zero and expect anything more than that. They probably honestly felt like they were proud of her, but in reality, Blacks were satisfied by the image and expectations they put on her.

Luckily, Narcissa didn’t have to answer.

'Cissy!', she heard the melodic voice of her best friend, calling behind her back. Mere seconds after, Narcissa felt bony arms around her and a brist of violets that always announced Pandora. Everybody knew she was coming without seeing her figure yet. 'I have missed you so much!'

Parents started to converse politely over some new issue of Daily Prophet. There wasn’t much more they could discuss without starting political, ideological, and magical (not in the positive sense) debate.

'I have so much to tell you! We went vacationing in Wales and I wanted to see selkies, but I hadn’t had the chance, but…', she lost the thread of thoughts for a moment, 'But I found something even better!'

'Loch Ness Monster?'

Pandora punched her on the shoulder and right away after that, took her hand and pulled Cissy further away from their parents.

'No, unfortunately not that', she blushed, 'I will tell you everything on the train.'

Something told Narcissa that she should be at least a little bit worried. Pandora was the most kind-hearted and positive person Narcissa knew. When she behaved all giddy and was blushing this hard it was obvious that couple of months she would be heartbroken and Cissy would have to steal some guy's family jewels. 

Breath in. Breath out. There was still great value to be found in being a supportive friend. 

'Looking forward to hearing that, then.'

'Oh, Cissy!', Pandora’s squeal caused Druella to turn away from the Lestrange family and frown upon seeing the other blond beside her youngest daughter. 'I'm so excited!'

Mrs Black didn’t know Pandora personally. Even if Narcissa tried to introduce them to themselves, she brushed her off. Her not liking Pandora wasn’t related to Pandora’s personality or views. It didn’t matter that Pandora was sneaking out to watch Muggle shows in her free time, refused to wear clothes made from dragon’s hide, and tried to change her wand when she found out that to make it some poor magical creature had to die. Druella didn’t even notice shapes like butterfly pins in her curly hair.

No. Druella Black despised families that were at least somewhat tolerant of Muggles and Muggle-borns. She didn’t accept Blood Traitors.

As if Pandora heard her thoughts, she started to think out loud:

'Do you think that for Squibs entering Muggle World is a similar experience to coming for the first time to Hogwarts as a Muggle-born?'

Narcissa was sure Pandora couldn't read minds, but she was able to read faces and knew the history of her family. And she was opportunist to her core.

'I think the only similarity in this is the fact that both are handicapped.'

Rabastan Lestrange had to get bored of the conversation their parents had with each other and joined them.

'When did I invite you to join us?'

Narcissa didn’t look at him, although she felt his stare on her profile. They never had any relationship, she couldn’t remember saying Hello to him in the Common Room. Suddenly, he felt the need to communicate with her every time they met.

'I feel perpetually invited since our siblings got engaged this year', he winked, 'Also, my mother is hinting at some cute double marriage ceremony, so it would be probably smart for us to get to know each other better before the big day…'

'That is not the best idea, Rabastan', started Pandora, 'I attended once this kind of ceremony. The wedding was between two pairs of twins and they got switched at the altar! Can you imagine being married to your intended sister- or brother-in-law? Legal, but also gross. Somehow.'

Pandora shook her head. Rabastan opened and closed his mouth. He blinked and looked at Narcissa for help. She only pursed her lips to stop herself from smiling. The best thing about befriending Pandora was that Narcissa never knew if she said something double-edged on purpose or if that was just a jolly accident at work.

When she calmed herself, Narcissa said:

'Yes, Rabastan, could you imagine something so despicable and gut-wrenching in your life?', she pretended to shiver, 'I would rather marry a two-headed, skin-pulling snake.'

Before anyone could add something, the Hogwarts Express arrived. Pandora’s parents hid her in their warm embrace as if they were going to lose her forever. Rabastan nodded towards his father and went straight to the train without looking behind. Narcissa stiffly hugged Druella and quickly took a step back. Her mother went away, without waiting for Narcissa to get inside.

Narcissa looked at her back and wondered. She was waiting for something. Anything. When Druella disappeared from the platform, Narcissa started to look around. She was looking for a specific lean figure with a sweet voice and soft hair mostly held back by a hair clip. There wasn’t anyone matching this description.

Echo meowed as if to say Goodbye to Mrs. Black or this missing person when Narcissa entered the train.

The children pushed their way through the narrow corridor into carriages and compartments. They stepped on each other's feet, banged their trunks against the walls, and tripped over their own. Narcissa turned her head to the side and looked out of the window to avoid drowning her face in Pandora's curls, which were even more disheveled than usual from the dampness wafting through the London atmosphere and the crowds. 

Parents of students stood on the platform further away, waving to their children, some wiping away tears, others giving them reassuring hugs. Druella Black had long since disappeared, and the rest of the families present, with whom the Headmistress had the closest relationship, resembled lonely islands, standing at attention with barely raised hands in a gesture of farewell and the shadow of a smile on their lips. Mrs. Lestrange looked on with furrowed brow and disdain at the expressive effusiveness of the other parents.

She did not even deign to look at the Muggles. Narcissa did instead. Her attention was drawn to a family of three: a blonde mother with orange streaks in her hair, an average looking father holding her in his arms, and a girl who resembled Narcissa in appearance. The parents waved in the direction of the train (Narcissa was unable to locate their other child through the storm of Pandora's hair that obscured everything in front of them) and the girl stood motionless, casting a cold glance around her. She was clearly disgusted by the scene she was observing. With her posture, she would have been more suited to the company of Lestrange or the Black family, but her Muggle-esque clothing would have betrayed everything. The girl wore a bland wrap dress and flats. There was a necklace with fake pearls on her long neck. No earrings and no makeup or glamour charm (obviously). Narcissa, on the other hand, wore a navy tailored suit consisting of a long skirt and a woollen waistcoat. The waistcoat had a cape of the same material pinned to her shoulders with silver brooches. Everything was decorated with silver and white threads. Underneath the waistcoat was a classic white shirt with matching cuffs and a wide, lay-flat collar trimmed with lace. If it hadn't been for that, she might even have pretended to be Narcissa's slightly uglier, shabbier cousin, or the Malfoy family's lost daughter. At that thought, Narcissa bit her lips to stop herself from snorting. If only she could share this observation with a certain arrogant Slytherin Prefect.

'Meow.'

Narcissa scratched Echo under the chin. When she looked back outside, the Muggle family was nowhere in sight.

Finally, she and Pandora managed to find an empty compartment on the train. Almost empty. For there were already two Gryffindors sitting in it - one older than they were, the other a little younger than them. She could deduct their House by the colours of their ties. They weren’t clothed in the proper robes yet, but already had trousers and white shirts on.

'Occupied?' she asked, pointing to the other seats.

The boys shook their heads. The older one peeled his eyes away from the book he was reading and glanced at the girls. The younger one joked:

'Two blondes get in the compartment and there…' He didn't finish because his older colleague interrupted him (thankfully).

'Here, let me help you with that,' he stood up, putting the book down on the seat, and then helped the girls to set their luggage on the rack.

Narcissa sat down with Echo on her lap, but before she could pet it once, it jumped to the ground and escaped to scout the train.

'Thank you,' Pandora smiled kindly at the boy. 'I'm Pandora, this is Narcissa,' she pointed at her friend.

'And you?'

'Frank,' he sat back in his seat but picked up his books again.

'You're from Slytherin, aren't you? Forgive me, I don't mix normally with the younger years, especially those from the other houses.' He frowned. 'Well, not that there's anything wrong with that, I am too lazy to go out of my way to meet people.'

Narcissa nodded. It was a little strange that he admitted it, though. Most shy people would leave it to themselves, but there were also instances, when someone is babbling nonsense as a reaction to stress.

'Only her. I'm in Ravenclaw,' Pandora tapped fist on her chest. 'Although, I, personally, think I'd fit in better in Hufflepuff, but the Sorting Hat doesn't take complaints, so I'll just have to live with it.'

She shrugged.

'And you?'

'I... What?' Frank asked.

Narcissa nugged Pandora to her side. He already told, they’re in Gryffindor, keep up!, her eyes screamed at the other girl.

'Did it get you wrong too?'

Gryffindor frowned and bit his lower lip.

'Mhmm.' He thought for a long moment. 'Rather not. I don't think I could have done any better. And what do you think of your sorting, Narcissa?'

He leaned forward, his elbows on his thighs.

'Nothing.'

Frank hung his head, smiling half-heartedly.

'Just hypothetically, which house would you be in second place if the Sorting Hat hadn't placed you in Slytherin?'

Narcissa didn't see the point in dwelling on such matters. Nothing could change anyway. She didn't want to change anything. Why fill her head with such questions then?

'I don't know. I'm in Slytherin.'

Pandora grunted and the boy raised a dark eyebrow. He tried a few more times to make conversation.

'...'

'Awfully stuffy today, isn't it?'

'Yes.'

'...'

'I wonder when the Trolley Witch will be passing this way. I'm dying for some Every Flavour Beans, although as usual I'm a bit worried about what flavours I'm going to get. Peppermint is my favourite, but I often come across caramel. I've never managed to try any disgusting ones, have you?'

Pandora carried the conversation with him.

'Tsk. I’m jealous. I only get the funny ones, like vomit, grass, liver, spinach or broccoli.' She made an ugly face. 'That’s why I don’t buy it. Narcissa likes only Chocolate Frogs, although the frogs actually running away are too much hassle for her. She tried to use Petrificus Totalus once on them even.'

Boy’s eyes lit up.

'Do you collect wizard cards then?' Frank asked Narcissa, not hiding the excitement in his voice. 'I have small collection myself, but I’m not really dedicated to it.'

She felt a little awkward. He kept looking at her. Even when he glanced at Pandora for a moment, he quickly returned his gaze to Narcissa and, as if waiting for something, sought her gaze. It was insistent enough for her to notice, but not enough for her to comment on it.

'No. I just like chocolate,' she replied.

'Oh, well, what do you prefer then? Chocolate Frogs or Chocolate Kettles?'

Narcissa shrugged.

'Cat got your tongue?'

'Excuse me?'

'It's hard to talk to you, Narcissa,' he said suddenly, without breaking eye contact, stroking his thighs as if to shake off the atmosphere of this conversation.

Her father was doing something similar during big family events. She observed that, when someone said something stupid, there was a moment of silence filled only by gestures and shared glances. Druella was checking her earrings and brooch, Bella smiled sardonically and Andromeda bit her bottom lip. Pandora was doing in this moment the same thing as her disinherited sister in awkward social situations.

'Why?'

'Why what?'

'Yes. Why is it so hard to talk to me?'

'Cissy…'

'No, Pandora,' Frank raised his hand to cut her off, still smiling.

'I wanted to break the ice and get to know people I hadn't interacted with at school. One of those people, you,' he pointed at Narcissa, as if it was necessary. '…are not helping me with that. If you don't want to talk to me, you don't have to. But it would be nice to get to know each other. I know that speaking is silver and silence is gold, but you seem to be the kind of person who has something interesting to say. Maybe it’s only my assumption. But if I'm bothering you, I'll keep quiet.'

He winked at her. After this speech. How was she supposed to read that.

Was it the audacity of a man or the nerve of a Gryffindor?

Narcissa blinked, surprised by the directness of the comment.

Her family had taught her that if someone answered in a flippant way, you should end the conversation without trying to drag it out. She didn't know that someone could take offence so blatantly, and she would never have thought to express her displeasure to the other party. No one was obliged to like her or engage in small talk, and nor was she obliged to return the favour. Funnily enough, only men seemed to not get a clue sometimes.

'Maybe I don't want to.'

With these words, she stood up and left. Before slamming the compartment door behind her, she threw in a fling:

'I'm going to go and find my cat.'

Maybe I ought to find my tongue in the end.

The corridors were finally empty. Everyone had found a place to sit and mingle. For a moment Narcissa didn't know where to go to look for Echo. Then she turned right. She decided it would be best to go to the catering wagon, where all the delicious smells of cooked food were.

After entering the cart, she stopped in front of the menu hanging above the bar.

'Shouldn't you be changing into your uniform by now?' she heard an insolent voice behind her.

Merlin, another one.

'None of your business.' Narcissa didn't have to look back to know who she was talking to. She could recognise his insufferable, posh accent everywhere.

'You are terribly mistaken, Ice Princess. You are very much my concern. Especially your robes.'

She turned to face the pompous prick.

He was taller than she and leaner than a picked eel in the Leaky Cauldron. He was everything –er one could imagine. And the most. A textbook example of a Slytherin. The highest and mightiest of them all. Even fuller of himself than Gilderoy Lockhart and that was telling a lot.

'I think you lost yourself for a moment there. Maybe you should lose a few points for that, eh?'

'First of all, the year hasn't officially started yet. Secundo, you and your robes are my concern, as is every other student on this train. Their robes too.'

Narcissa rolled her eyes and sighed.

'Fine.'

She walked away, although she had plenty of time to change.

'Wait! You don't have to do it now.'

'Make up your mind.'

'You're so literal.'

'And you annoying. What do you want from me, Lucius?'

'Do I have to want something to have a little friendly chat with a schoolmate?'

'Yes, if...' she stopped.

His smirk told her that she had just given him an out - now he could (and would!) make up a reason to talk to her.

'Forget it. I'm busy. Get lost.'

'Busy by looking at the menu and not ordering anything?'

'Well, it would be easier to order if someone stopped nagging me,' Narcissa looked over the bar again. Nothing interested her, but it was better than looking at his smug expression for another second.

'Then I take it you haven't lost anything dear to you?' his melodic tone at the end was deliberate. 'I'd be happy to help you look for it if you really did lose anything. But I don't want to be too presumptuous and annoy you more than necessary.'

'Is it necessary at all?'

'Of course.' He checked the timer on his watch. 'It is nice to jest with you, Black, but I really have to get going. Echo is in the Prefect Compartment, scrounging for treats.'

He saluted and left the restaurant wagon, on his mission to be insufferable to everyone else. Lucius took prefect's responsibilities seriously. Too seriously.

Narcissa went back to her mission which was finding her cat (and avoiding everybody, meticulously).

Chapter Text

Ever since her second year at Hogwarts, when she said aloud that she had seen a strange-looking, skeleton-like pegasus herd of stallions carrying carriages to take the students from Hogsmead to school, she had never mentioned it again. There wasn’t a person who looked at her with understanding. She never mentioned it again, but she did one thing, she always did, when she had a question – research. Although never aiming to be the best student (and never being one for that matter), not motivated to actually study and remember every ounce of knowledge that has not interested her, she liked to be conscious of her environment. She didn't hoard facts and trivia to show off and brag about her accomplishments (her mother was enough for them both in that field, or she would be, if Narcissa ever had any outstanding accomplishment). She thought of learning and teaching as short encounters that sparked her curiosity.

‘Did the carriages brake?’

‘No. Why?’

‘Nevermind.’

Other students were chatting with each other on the way to Hogwarts. Pandora was deep in conversation with some muggleborn about magic in the Muggle world.

‘Some use tarot cards, but I don't think that anyone actually has a divination gift. In my motherland though, I am pretty sure we had a couple of witches and wizards in the community.’

’What do you mean?’

‘Well, I was a kid, I don't really remember, but I've got a feeling they'd fit in here with us. It's been ten years since I was in Haiti, so I don't know them anymore.’

Narcissa never really engaged with Pandora’s other friends. Right, she was free of her mother’s scrutiny and judgement, but Hogwart had ears and eyes everywhere and gossip flew fast by owls in pure-blood society. This girl had a name that Narcissa remembered, almost. It sounded similar to a river, but Narcissa couldn't be sure.

She was eager to finally sit surrounded by Slytherins who knew her, her family and understood when to leave her alone. So, pretty much, always.

Narcissa ignored everybody around her all the way to the Great Hall.

The feast was the same as every year: some kids were sorted to Houses, everyone in the House cheered, new teachers were introduced, some people clapped and others smiled and nodded towards them and then everyone dove in their plates full of enchanted, delicious food that never went cold during the dinner and smelled like heaven.

She cut asparagus on her plate. In the middle of bringing it to her mouth, she stopped and glanced sideways.

Creepy little Victorian orphan was staring at her without blinking. Did some kid actually die last year? Was it a new ghost? It certainly was pale and haunted enough.

‘Excuse me?’, she said, before biting into a cucumber on her fork. ‘Do I have something on my face?’

The boy only blinked twice.

Narcissa returned to her dinner, ignoring the child’s gaze.

The boy sighed. She did that too.

‘Spit it out.’

‘Could you…’, he looked away at the table, ‘...pass the salt!’

Rolling her eyes, she muttered ‘Acio salt’ and passed him the container.

‘Thank you very much’, he hesitated, ‘I’m Severus.’

‘Salve, Servus,’ Cereus Greengrass sat down between her and the new kid, ‘And salve to you, Glacies Reginae.’

‘Did you read all latin dictionaries this summer, Cereus?’

‘I did, thank you very much. Because of this I, for one thing, understand that when you say “acio”, you are literally summoning the thing after the spell’, he said proudly.

‘You don’t need to speak latin to know that.’ She chewed. ‘You knew that it was a summoning spell before this summer, right? It’s really important to me that you knew that.’

Cereus poked his tongue at her.

‘Spare the lesson for tomorrow.’ He turned to Severus. ‘Which family are you from, buddy?’

‘Prince. My mom is Eileen Prince.’

‘Oh.’

‘Oh?’

‘Eileen Prince?’ Mulciber asked loudly from the other side of the table, ‘Narcissa, did you hear about Eileen Prince? She has a lot incommon with your older sister. She got dirty with a muggle too, right?’

A girl on his side pushed him on the arm. She was near his age, but Narcissa didn’t know her name or family she came from.

‘What? I heard the ceremony was lovely, cameral and – how would the muggles describe it? – ah, cozy. Do you have any pictures, Narcissa?’

The only thing she had for the brat was a punch.

‘I heard their pictures don’t even move. So bland, honestly’ added Mulciber with fake sorrow.

Narcissa clenched her fist under the table and started to plan out the sketches of Mulciber’s head on a plate or pierced with a nail, just like Artemisia’s Gentileschi paintings of Judith and Holofernes or Jael and Sisera. Narcissa would hold the sword, while decapitating this little shit. She would enchant the painting to splash out the whole canvas with blood at the end. Something of Rothko for the fun of it.

Imagination alone was enough to help her smile chillingly and tilt her head.

‘How is your father, Mulciber? I heard about his new friends from London. Did your mother meet them?’

He gone pale. Cereus coughed up.

‘Well, so, Servus.’ He patted the boy and Narcissa on the arm. ‘What would you want to know about Hogwarts?’

*

Two first months of the school year went by slowly. Nothing happened, only the weather went dump. Thanks to that, Narcissa was able to enjoy the outside without first year students running around so much. She still had to beware of the three brats from Gryffindor and their mischivienousness. Not now, though. It was raining. She sat as close as she could to the Whomping Willow and sketched its movement. Before that she was writing a paper about healing properties of mandragoras, but stopped when the first drop of rain fell onto her head. She casted a spell that blocked it from reaching her, but the atmosphere already changed and she was in no mood for academics.

‘Here you are.’ Pandora sat next to her. ‘Why didn’t you wait for me after lunch?’

‘I didn’t see you.’ Narcissa shrugged. ‘Shouldn’t you be at aritchmancy classes anyway?’

‘Shouldn’t you be at those too, Cissy?’ Pandora giggled. ‘Miss Vector won’t even notice our absence. She’s too into her numbers.’ Pandora flicked her hand. ‘Could get into something – or somebody – else.’

‘Same way you are into that weirdo from Wales?’

Narcissa could expect to be smacked for saying this, but it still hurt, when Pandora did that.

‘Maybe you would benefit from having some block around to cheer you up, what would you say about that, Cissy?’

‘Perish the thought.’

‘No! But really. If you think about that, there are some nice lads who would be interested in a date or two.’

Pandora was genuine in attempts to make Narcissa’s life better, but she still clenched her teeth to not say anything abrupt.

‘They call me names, Pandora.’

‘Nicknames. Actually, a nickname. There is one and you have to admit, it suits you well. It isn’t anything ill-willed. You are a princess for them! I would want to be a princess, but Xeno always comes up with weird stuff, so we just dropped it completely.’

‘Well, most of the boys are not pure-bloods and those all I know so no, thank you very much, I won’t be dating my future brother’s-in-law brother.’

‘What about that lad from the train? I think he was plenty interested.’

Narcissa got back to her sketches, not looking anymore at her friend.

‘He was annoying. Besides, my parents won’t ever accept me dating… Someone from the outside. And I won’t choose.’

Pandora scrunched her eyebrows.

‘What are you talking about?’

‘My sister. Remember? The one kicked out from the family? Would you want me to be disowned too?’

Pandora clicked her tongue.

‘No, silly.’ She got up and dusted off her robes in the back.

‘Well?’

‘Well, what?’

‘What do you mean, Pandora?’ Narcissa rolled her eyes.

‘I won’t give you every answer on a silver platter. You are too antisocial and introverted for your own good. Go out from your dorm from time to time maybe and you will figure this out by yourself.’

‘I am out.’

‘Then talk to people!’

And then she jumped and ran off in the direction of the Owlery.

Narcissa sighed and looked up. The rain got more intense. It was the time to get back inside and curl up under blankets with her homework or another sketchbook.