Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The city everyone daydreams of, Hollywood. Where girls dream of becoming famous actresses. Starring in big-time films and kissing hot studs on television. Methe Knox was a dreamer. she knew what she wanted most of the time and when she wanted something, she got it. Except for the life of a director, which she always strived to have. Instead, she was stuck in a decrepit bar on the corner as she lived from pay check to pay check slowly chipping away at the mounds of debt she had accumulated the day she got accepted into the School of Visual Arts in New York City to study cinematography and eventually fulfill her dreams of becoming a valued director in the film industry.

Making drinks for the same sad alcoholics everyday had never been a part of her plan and she began to envy her life, wondering if she would ever make a life out of her dream. She silently wished that when discussing what she does with her life she could tell a tale from the many comics she has enjoyed ‘Regular Citizen by day, Batman by night’ is what she wanted to say but during her days she would study endlessly, making the best out of her debt and by night rather than saving lives as a mysterious masked superhero she was more likely destroying them by feeding into people’s alcohol addictions.

'One more year' is what she would repeat in her head as a mantra to get her through the draining conversations with her customers at all hours of the night. The dread would hang at her neck every day at the thought of going back to her sorry job to see the same people, Her nights consisted of businessmen who hate their job and their wives, old men and women who worship alcohol like they did Jesus in the 60s and then finally the odd group of college students heading out for a drink at the cheapest bar across the road from ‘SVA’.

No one ever actually caught Methe’s eye, that was until she saw the same pair of hazel eyes walk into the shitty old bar three days in a row. The eyes were enough to catch Methe into a trance as she watched the man who they belonged to sit right in front of her. He had short spiked-up black hair that greatly contrasted against his vampire-like pale skin.

He seemed to have only owned band T-shirts and black skinny jeans, although Methe didn’t detest his sense of fashion as it was very similar to what she would wear when she was not wearing the black button-up top and pants that she considered her uniform. As a plus side, the band T-shirts informed her that they were into the same sort of stuff.

If he was sober, he probably could have gathered that from the black and red striped hair resting on her head with her fringe swooped to one side. For the past three nights, he would drown himself in cheap whiskey before stumbling out the door at eleven at night just to return at the same time the next day. Pity grew in Methe’s gut every day that he would appear on that bar stool, and it grew even more as she attempted to decipher the drunken words that flowed out of his mouth.

Today he wore a black shirt with a blue Misfits logo. Methe took this as a sign from the gods that maybe she should at least strike up a conversation with her newfound customer to assist her in getting through her shift.

Methe struggled to come up with something to say to the man as she poured him his regular drink. She never had any struggles with talking to people beforehand although she didn’t have any friends it had nothing to do with any social awkwardness or social anxiety it was more because she had lost them all when she picked up the job at the bar. Turns out that working every night and going to college full time really limits availability to hang out with friends.

“Cool shirt” was all that slipped out as Methe mentally face-palmed. Berating herself for sounding so dull. However, whatever charm she had managed to muster up happened to have worked when his face lit up ever so slightly before he indulged her in all of his favorite songs by the Misfits. Throughout the night it became harder and harder to keep up a conversation with him as he drank more and more, making his words become a blur.

Slowly sliding off the chair his head was dipped low as he stumbled through the bar to the exit without a goodbye. Just a simple pile of notes and miscellaneous coins were left to pay for the drinks that he drowned in. Cleaning bar tops at the end of her shift typically would be something Methe looked forward to as it meant that she could get away from the zombies of the drunken men and women but for whatever reason after the customer she had quietly nicknamed ‘The Misfit’, left she felt awfully shallow.

Maria polished glasses with Methe as they gave each other the rundown of the horrible customers they had that day.

“Turns out Ashley’s husband was linking up with her sister. If I were her I would be in that seat drinking as well” Maria continued on while Methe just nodded along, zoning out.

“Love, are you alright? What screwed-up story did you hear tonight that’s got you all shaken up?” Maria’s thick English accent brought Methe out of her trance. Maria was the woman that Methe often worked with, she had black hair with grey hairs poking through showing her age. For someone who was in the mid-forties, Maria was pretty youthful.

“Same old, same old. Although we did get a new regular, he’s come in every day for about two weeks”

“You say it like that’s a good thing” Maria scolded Methe as the last drunk left the building. Taking that as her cue to get out of the conversation she quickly grabbed her stuff and clocked out waving goodbye to Maria as she pushed the door of the bar open feeling the icy breeze against her skin.

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“Iron Maiden today huh?” Methe eyed the white T-shirt that loosely hugged his torso. It had a disfigured face in grey lines on the front with the red logo across the top of the top, just below his collar bones.

A harsh bang accompanied his hand as he slammed a ten-dollar note onto the bench top. Maria stared at the man from her section of the bar eventually giving Methe an apologetic look, knowing the struggle she was about to go through with a customer who had a rough day.

“Strongest I can get with that. Keep the change if there is any.” He eyed the name tag on Methe’s right side. He squinted as if it was hard to read from the two-and-a-half-foot distance between them.

Ignoring the intense pressure she felt from him, she just rolled her eyes sliding a glass of brown acid across the top towards him. The air thick with an awaiting question began to itch at Methe’s skin as if a thousand tiny little ants were dancing along the creams of her arms. Her piercing blue eyes connected with his hazel ones leaving her stunned for a hot minute. After a brief moment, she collected her thoughts and raised her eyebrow coaxing him to ask whatever question was on his mind. Taking the hint he finally opened his mouth to ask the same question she gets asked every time.

“What kind of name is Mee-thee?” It came out as more of a scoff while he pronounced her name incorrectly just like every other imbecile she had ever come across.

“Meth-ee just so happens to be the name I was graced with so don’t wear it out.” Accentuating the pronunciation of her name, praying that he would get it right next time.
“Strange.” Was all he replied with before tipping his head back along with the glass he had been sipping at for the past two minutes.

“Well? This is usually the part where you tell me your name. or do I have to keep referring to you as ‘The Misfit’?”

“Misfit? Where did you come up with that? It's almost as ridiculous as Mee-thee” he emphasized the mispronunciation of her name, waving his hand to signal her to fix him a new drink. A scoff slipped from Methe’s lips, she had almost forgotten that most alcoholics believed that bartenders purely existed to serve them their next fix of their addiction and that bartenders did not need to be treated like human beings.

“You wore a Misfits top once and it's all I had to work with when referring to you since god forbid your dealer knows your name.” Methe laced sarcasm in her voice to show she was just about done with the conversation.

“Right. Are you going to finish making my drink? Or do I need to find a new dealer?” his hand slammed on the counter top causing Methe to jump ever so slightly at the sound. The drunken man smirked slowly at the sight of her reaction.

The glass of liquor shook slightly as Methe placed it in front of the man. Annoyed that he had gotten a reaction out of her, she silently cursed herself promising herself that he was not getting to her.

“Gerard, but some people call me Gee.” He finished off his drink in one large gulp and handed Methe the glass back with a begging look in his eyes for more.

The look in his eyes struck Methe deep. She could practically see his demons through the hazel wakes of his eyes, a feeling set deep into her gut. Initially, she thought it was pity for him that she was feeling but she was soon to realise that it was the feeling that she understood exactly how he felt. The feeling of being surrounded by people yet feeling so alone and isolated.

Chapter Text

Methe spent the last thirty minutes rushing to get all of her stuff together as she running late to be at the bar in time for her shift. A loud crash echoed through the halls of her apartment and a harsh sting of pain ran through her hip. ‘Shit.’ Panic set in as she saw a very expensive camera lying on the ground with a very broken Lens. Water brimmed her eyes, fighting to spill across the pale cream of her cheeks. That camera was the only thing she had left holding her accountable for her dreams, not to mention it cost her an arm and a leg. She picked up the pieces, thinking about how it resembled her life at the very time. Broken. She had no friends aside from Maria, her coworker whom she could barely consider a friend. She had a failed dream, and debt to last her a lifetime while she was stuck at a bar with a douchebag of a boss whose life dedication was to make her miserable.

By the time she had arrived at work, she was already twenty minutes late and her boss was waiting in the back office for her with his arms crossed at his chest and a gross frown imbedding lines of age across the face of his forehead.
Muttering apologies constantly as she kept her head down low trying to avoid his eyes, dreading what she knew he was going to say next.

“Miss Knox, You're late. Again. That’s your second strike this month.” His deep voice sent shivers down her spine as she put all of her belongings in her locker and straightened her shirt so she could look at anything but him praying he wouldn’t ask the question.

“I’m so sorry Mr Lloyd, it won't happen again I promise. I’ll just quickly get out there and no one will notice I was late.” A warm wind blew against the back of her neck as her moved her hair to the side, dipping his head down low peppering small kisses from her shoulder to the back of her ear. James Lloyd was an older man, he had grey hair and heavy stubble running across his jaw. His stomach consisted of what most would consider a beer belly that was hairy enough she could have braided the hair together if she wanted.

Methe knew what the man looked like under his shirt because of the obscene acts she had committed to keep herself in the good books. No, Methe was not trying to use her body to get what she wanted. She had only ever used her mouth on her boss and when she did she was barely in a sound state of mind. The first time was after she arrived at work two hours late and stoned to the point where she couldn’t walk straight let alone think for herself. And the second time, she was borderline about to get fired because she had rocked up to work with pinpoint pupils after one hell of a night.

“Although… I can think of a way or two that I can just forget about this one. How does a clean slate sound?” Mr Lloyd said but it came out more as a purr.

Craning her neck and moving away from her boss. She pleaded with whatever gods there were to let her out of this one just once. “No, those times were mistakes. Please don’t. just please. I’m not like how you think I am.” She prayed in a near whisper. She tried everything to convince herself that she was not a slut but with every time he asked for the very same favor or reminded her of her previous doings, doubt slid in, and her respect slipped away.

“But I can’t stop imagining how pretty your mouth was around me” His voice a half-groan. If it was someone who she was actually interested in she would have been caving at the knees from that sentence alone but hearing those words come from James Lloyd, her boss, made her want to vomit in her own mouth and swallow it again.

“N-no, I can’t. I need to get out there before the afternoon rush.” All attempts Methe made to sound firm were washed out the window at the stutter in her voice. ‘fucking anxiety.’ Methe wondered if it was just her he acted like this towards if Maria had also fallen victim to his harassment or if there were other girls who had fallen into his trap. Or boys but Methe was pretty sure that Mr Lloyd was homophobic so it would surprise her if he happened to go after the male staff.

“Maria will be alright on her own for five minutes. She’s a big girl, Literally. I can be quick, I promise..” he drew out the end of his sentence pulling her back to him. His large frame towered over her, making her feel so miniscule in a world so large. Methe wasn’t small or petite, she was a decent height of five-five. She didn’t have abs to say the least but she wasn’t chubby, she was quite toned, to say the least which surprised most people considering when she does have any spare time outside of work or college she spends it bed rotting and watching re-runs of her favorite movies.

As if the gods had answered Methe’s silent prayers, Maria’s thick accent could be heard as she called for Methe along with the sound of her feet hitting the floor as she stomped her way to the back room. She hurriedly entered the door, Mr Lloyd however, did not like that as he quickly jumped back away from Methe with a scowl on his face. “Look, you’re a good kid so just don’t do it again.” He tried to play off his previous close proximity to Methe hoping that Maria didn’t notice but anyone with a pair of eyes could see the look in Maria’s eyes, she knew and she knew what it felt like to be a subject to such things.

“Great! ‘Eth-ee’ is here! Its getting nasty out there. Although there are some college kids around your age out there, maybe you should shoot your shot” Maria badgered Methe using the nickname she had been calling Methe since the day Methe had a bit of source on her name tag and Maria could only read her name at ‘Eth-ee’ rather than ‘Methe’.

“And spread my chronic loneliness on to anyone else? I’ll pass.”

Maria practically dragged Methe out to the front of the bar where many drunks waited to be served their share of alcohol. Her eyes scanned the area to see the same few regulars, ‘Kevin, Margret, David, Antonio…' The list went on but one face she did not see that day was ‘The Misfit’ or who has now got a real name; Gerard.

Her miserable night began slowly, her mind wandered and she zoned out polishing glasses and pretending to be interested in who was cheating on whom. ‘A whole lot of coke would speed this all up.’ Methe was not a coke addict, she had only dabbled in cocaine five or so times over the last year. Some would say that is already too high of a number by five but with no friends and a depressing life, Methe had no choice but to turn to her vices to keep herself sane. At first, she did it just so she could say she tried it once but believed it wasn’t worth it. One time turned into two times and now every odd occasion when Methe is feeling bored she turns to cocaine or other assortments of drugs. An addict is not what Methe would call herself, maybe to cigarettes but hard drugs? No.

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She had reached halfway through her shift and she was about ready to go home but she instead settled for second best. She grabbed her pack of cigarettes and a water bottle before sneaking her way outside to the alleyway beside the bar where she typically would have her lunch hour. Leaning against the rotted bricks of the alleyway Methe stood with a cigarette lit between her lips. It was still light outside as it was only mid-afternoon; Methe had an earlier shift than usual so she could earn some more money on top of her usual pay check, maybe let herself splurge on herself a little bit. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of a man, standing up looking rigid and stiff.

“Don’t worry stranger, I’m not here to kidnap you today. Got a light?” the man put his hands up in defense before he pulled out a cigarette of his own from his pocket. Methe looked up at the stranger to reveal that the man asking her for a light was in fact, Gerard.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a silver rectangular lighter, she flicked the hatch of the lighter sparking an illuminating flame that danced within his hypnotic hazel eyes. She held the flame up to the cigarette that was placed between his lips, the close proximity of the two made Methe’s heart speed throughout her chest. It shouldn’t excite her at how closed they were; she was just his bartender and he was her customer. It was just a simple transaction to him.

“what’re you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be inside drowning your sorrows like the rest of the sad souls in there?” A large cloud of smoke filled the air between them as Methe questioned the man.

“I was heading inside and saw you drowning yours outside, figured I'd join you. Nothing better than drowning your sorrows with someone else.” He joked

“If you think you're supposed to drown your sorrows with other people you need some drowning lessons” Methe bit back with sarcasm intense in her voice.

“Well FYI, ‘Mee-thee’, I don’t know how to swim so don’t blame me.” Gerard placed a hand on his hip emphasising how sassy he was trying to be.

“Meth-ee. Dude.” Sighing whilst praying that next time he would actually make an effort to get it right.

“Right, so were your parents really into mythology or meth?”

With a roll of her eyes she pushed herself off of the wall to drop her cigarette and put it out beneath her heel. “what are you wallowing about today? I’m all ears, I could use a distraction myself.” She admitted her curiosity.

“Trouble in paradise, inner demons, the usual. My girl thinks I need to get out more and start putting more effort into my work. It's hard to be creative when I got no juice left.” He vaguely explained to her. Gerard then went on to tell her about how he worked for a popular cartoon networking company ever since he graduated from SVA, majoring in cartooning. Noticing their shared passion for forms of art she quickly became extremely excited at the topic of the conversation. Set on a rant about her love for filmography and cinematography until she remembered her now very broken camera. Killing any mood she heard the voice of Mr Lloyd calling her back inside to finish up her break. Anxiety flooded through her, not wanting to go back inside to be prodded at by her boss. Gerard gave her a sympathetic look and muttered a simple sentence before heading inside of the bar to catch his next drink.

“sounds like an asshole.”

Chapter Text

Being at home mid-day on a Saturday felt strange to Methe. It was her first day off that she did not have to attend any classes in months, she had almost forgotten what it felt like to have time to herself. Reading a book she relaxed on her single mattress in the dorm room she shared with Jamia. Jamia had dyed black hair with the underside bleached blonde, her hair framed her face in a simple swoop to the side and she had beautiful brown eyes that complemented her soft features on her pale skin.

Methe and Jamia were not close but considering they shared a house fit for an Oompa Loompa they made their somewhat-friendship work. It was easy to get irritated with one another when you basically live on top of each other but it was also easy to avoid any conflict considering Methe worked most nights and every weekend when she had no classes to attend. 

The sound of the dorm room's front door dragged Methe out of her relaxed state as Jamia walked into their dorm with a paper bag in one hand and two takeaway coffees in her other. 

“Up. It's your day off, as your roommate I’m obligated to force you out of here for once. Plus I brought a peacekeeping offer” Jamia handed the paper bag and a coffee to Methe who had only just sat up, stretching her arms wide.

“And do what? Go sightseeing?” Sarcasm was Methe’s usual first instinct.

“Noo, Go out. Like out-out, you know drinks, dresses, clubs, and a hot hookup. The whole she-bang!”

“Okay, two things. One, I don’t have any dresses to wear and two, I have work tomorrow, and if I’m late again…” trailing off Methe shuddered at the thought of what Mr Lloyd would try to get her to do. “Your shift starts at lunch tomorrow you will be fine and you can borrow one of my dresses. Ahhh! Oh my god! You have to let me dress you up! I’ll even shout you a couple-o' drinks if that will help convince you!” Jamia’s voice rose by about three levels in the end as she began to picture how attractive Methe would be if she let her dress her up. Methe was a very naturally pretty woman and even she knew it herself, the only issue was that men didn’t often like to look twice at a girl with facial piercings who is only ever seen in pants or shorts of some variety with overly baggy band tops.

“Jam, I’m not a Barbie you can't just play dress up with me.” Protests came from Methe. She loved a good night out but she hadn’t been out in so long, well with other people that is. Often when she isn’t too tired after work she will go out for a drink on her own. It sounds depressing and kind of is but that was much easier than trying to get attention from anyone with a penis in the room.

“Pleaseee!! Fine, I’ll shout you four drinks and a packet of cigarettes! Can't you see how desperate I am?” Jamia begged, she may as well have been on her hands and knees kissing Methe’s feet.

“What about Miley? Or Tracy? Don’t you have other people to go with?” Jamia wasn’t popular but she was definitely known for her tendency to party almost every night which would often make people take a liking to her knowing that if they went out with her they would definitely have a good time. 

“Miley is traumatized from her last hangover which F.Y.I was not that bad, she’s just dramatic and Tracy is sick with some kind of flu so she’s bedridden until further notice” Jamia pleaded.

“Fine, I’ll go. But you owe me the drinks and ‘Cig’ pack, they better be the good ones too! None of the mint paper pre-roll bullshit you pulled last time!” Giving in Methe got up out of bed finishing off her coffee and café goods and chucking the remains in the mini rubbish bin.

“Oh my god! I love you! We can be the greatest of friends after this! Go shower and wash your crusty-ass hair then we can begin the transformation of a lifetime” Jamia hugged Methe with the strength of ten men knocking the wind out of her. “My. hair. is. not. Crusty.” Methe disappeared into their minuscule bathroom and Jamia chucked to herself at how protective Methe is of her hair.

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“Guys are going to be kissing the ground you walk on I swear! I don’t swing that way but if I was a guy I’d totally want a piece of that! Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay but you know what I mean..” Jamia rambled on after praising Methe for her looks. Jamia was right, Methe looked hot. Her black and red ‘skunk hair’ was pulled up into two space buns at the top of her head, with strands that had been straightened to poke out of different areas of the buns, and two tiny red plaits that hung down complimented the frame of her face. To add her own bit of personality to her new hairstyle and to feel a bit more like herself she put clear iridescent butterfly clips throughout her hair. 

A black mini dress hugged every curve of Methe’s body, it reached to her mid-thigh and had a V-neckline that dipped deeply revealing a little bit more cleavage than she would usually allow. “Now. Time for shoes! I have this one or these ones! Ooo and this pair!” Jamia clapped excitedly pulling out many pairs of strappy heels. Backing away, Methe shook her head. The dress hair and makeup she could handle but she wanted to keep something to be a bit more her style. “No, nope, and did I mention no? I don’t need any blisters on my feet for work tomorrow. Plus I want to keep at least one thing a bit more my style.” Methe detested the shoes each time Jamia brought out a new pair of shoes. Rummaging through her own wardrobe she pulled out a pair of shiny platform Lolita ledge shoes in the shade of black.  “But you're lucky I’m letting you keep those face piercings in! Pleaseee!” Jamia pleaded while pointing out the singular right snake bite piercing, septum, and hooped nose that adorned Methe’s face.

“No not happening, I’m wearing these.” Slipping the shoes on Methe won the argument and grabbed a deep blood red mini purse before she headed out the door with Jamia right on her tail.

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The club they headed into blared loud music from the stereo systems, loud enough to burst the eardrums of any unsuspecting person. Jamia brought Methe straight to the bar, she could already feel the eyes of half the men in the room. 

Two shot glasses were already served and ready for the two girls to knock back the clear substance. The hot liquid burned through the skin of Methe’s throat making her choke on air for a second afterwards. Her eyes watered at the feeling of the liquor. 

Three drinks into the night Methe was loose in the limbs, her cheeks felt hot and she wanted to dance. Sliding off the bar stool Methe slowly staked her way to the dance floor, swaying her hips as she walked. The beat of the music began to flow through her, and with each knock of the bass running through the music, it began to trickle deeper throughout her body. She moved her arms with grace, her legs with grace, her hips with grace, at this point she was grace. Her eyes closed feeling the alcohol in her system ignoring the urge to go to the bar and drown herself in alcohol like the many sorry people she served every day for work. 

Suddenly hands crept around her hips from behind as she felt the hot breath of a man on her neck. At first, she enjoyed it, the attention from a male but then she felt the subtle imprint of the man’s, Area, on her backside. Her skin crawled at the feeling as images of her boss crept into her mind and she quickly stepped away from the man grinding on her. 

Feeling the relief of being back at the bar Methe swept the place with her eyes, searching for Jamia but to just her luck Jamia happened to be nowhere in sight. Jamia had most likely gone home with some guy or was somewhere in the club doing her own thing.

Sipping on her fresh glass of a vodka-tonic her head turned to the person who had just sat down beside her. His face looked extremely familiar to Methe, a puzzled expression rested across her features until It clicked. 

“What are you doing here Gerard? Miss me so much you had to join me?” hiccups cut between Methe’s sentences as her drunk confidence rose to an unsteady level.

“Em? Jesus, you look…Different, I mean not bad...it's just different from the usual work uniform.” He almost drooled all over the benchtop of the bar. Gerard obviously thought Methe was attractive but he had a girlfriend. One to which he loved, well at least he thought he did. The truth is his relationship with his girlfriend, Kat, had been on the rocks for months now but in Gerard’s mind being in a relationship for almost three years entails the idea that even through misery sticking with that person was the only way to live. Gerard looked away quickly trying to wash any thoughts of the woman who sat beside her. ‘Think of Kat, think of Kat, think of going home to Kat, think of Kat, think of Em, think of going home to Em. Wait! no! shit!’ Gerard slightly shook his head trying to clear it of its unfaithful thoughts like a Looney Toones cartoon character.

“Thanks, Motley crew today huh?” Methe raised an eyebrow towards the shirt he wore.

“Yeah, of course, gotta keep up with the greats.”

“I’ll drink to that, plus Tommy Lee is one hell of a stud sooo..” Methe sipped at her drink eyeing the black haired man beside her. Methe found him moderately physically attractive but he was a sweet and very shy guy to everyone when he was sober. Not so much with alcohol in his system, when he drank he often got into arguments with surrounding people at the bar but he was never extremely rude to Methe to the point where her feelings were hurt. ‘that counts for something right?’ 

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It was now well into the ‘AM’s’ and Jamia had definitely headed off somewhere with some boy-toy of hers, leaving Methe to her own vices. Laughing hysterically with Gerard, they told each other stories that had them both in tears before they even reached halfway through their story. No one could tell if they actually thought the stories had a comedic kick to them or if they were just bubbling over the edge of alcohol consumption.

“Okay, so you're telling me you broke your foot all because you jumped out of the second floor?! What type of spaz does that?!” Methe wiped away the tear that ran down her cheek from laughing. She hadn’t laughed this hard since she was a little kid and even then she always had something taunting her in the shadows but right now it was just Methe, Gerard, and alcohol in their own little world. Methe subconsciously felt a feeling of relief each time she cackled harder at his stories or each time her smile grew wider.

“Yes, Em! I did! You’re the one who broke their nose from face planting into concrete in front of your whole class after getting too stoned in high school!” Gerard teased her for an incident that happened after her first time smoking. Her friends had convinced her to try pot in her first year of high school, Freshman year, she had gotten so baked that she could barely walk straight and she face-planted into the concrete floor of her classroom while trying to present her assignment. In the end, she had to go to hospital and ended up with two black eyes and a crooked nose for life. “Shhh… We can't let everyone know that my nose is crooked!” Methe squeaked as she put her finger up to Gerard’s lips to silence him.

‘“Yeah but it's cute.” 

“Says you and your little pixie nose!” Methe ‘booped’ Gerard on his nose before almost falling off her chair being so sloshed that she had lost all forms of balance.

“Oh, dill pickles… I should get home I have work tomorrow!” Methe said with a sad expression, even in her drunken state she still knew what horrors could greet her at work the next day.

“Please stay!! I’ll miss you!” Gerard complained sticking his bottom lip out to make a pouty face.

“I can’t I’m sorry but we should hangout again!” Methe apologized moving to give him a hug goodbye but she ended up stumbling over her own feet and falling into his arms.

“Falling for me already? Are you an angel?” Gerard slurred the words barely audibly. “I’d rather be a devil, matches my hair better and I’d look hotter.” Methe took a pen from the bar top and attempted to write down her number for him with a little smiley face on the napkin to show him she meant for things to be purely platonic.

“There you go! Call me! We can be the bestest friends forever!” Methe exclaimed like a little kid who had just been offered a lollipop.

Chapter Text

Thunder blasted through Methe’s head as her hangover intensified from her previous night of shenanigans. The smell of alcohol brought bile up from the pits of her stomach as nausea flooded through her. With each drink she poured, a nap sounded more and more like heaven.

“Hey, stranger!” A voice blasted through Methe’s eardrums pounding at her brain.

The one and only Gerard Way sat before her with an unhealthy smile plastered across his face considering the obscene amounts of alcohol he had consumed the night before. “Way, I swear to Jesus lower your voice or I will personally come for you.” Methe brought the finger up to massage her temples praying that if she did it enough her migraine would cease to exist.

“Woah! Pump the hate brakes Em!” Gerard put his hands up in defense while Methe made him his usual drink. Hearing the nickname ‘Em’ warmed a feeling inside her chest, it was a nickname that she shared with Gerard and Gerard only. After serving him for a few months and their little run-ins on the odd occasion, Methe had grown a liking to the man and had begun to slowly think of him a bit more as a friend rather than a regular customer who only speaks to her so she can feed their addiction.

“How are you so alive right now? You drank just as much as me and I’m dying with an axe to the skull headache!” Methe complained leaning over the top of the bench slightly.

“Well, when you spend so much time drinking, the times when you are drunk or hungover all blend into one,” Gerard said nonchalantly. A fraction saddened methe expression as she heard that sentence. Gerard didn’t seem to notice how depressing his sentence was, but Methe’s heart cracked slightly at the thought of him depending on alcohol for his happiness.

“That or you’re Superman.” Methe rolled her eyes with a slight giggle.

“So, how’s the misses?” Methe started a new conversation hoping to get to know him better.

“Well, I’m here drinking tonight, aren’t I?” Indicating that his relationship with his girlfriend was not going to well spiking Methe’s curiosity while she tried to dig a bit deeper.

“That bad huh? Come on tell me about it, I’m at your disposal.” Gerard paused to look Methe in the eyes. He studied the icy blue hues of her eyes, the way his eyes bored into her soul she felt like he was stripping her of her clothes and leaving her bare.

“Nothing too serious, don’t worry.” He tried to change the topic of the conversation and Methe knew she should probably drop the topic and not push any further but that didn’t stop her.

“If it was nothing serious you wouldn’t be here drinking.”

“I’m an alcoholic, I think nothing would prevent me from drinking.” He finished off his glass in one large gulp it was almost as if he was doing it to prove a point to Methe.

“Something is clearly on your mind, just spill. Maybe I’ll help you out. Believe it or not, I give out great relationship advice.” Methe stated as a matter of fact.

“Says the woman who claims she is sick with chronic loneliness,” Gerard said with sass in his voice before he let out an exasperated sigh and signaled for another drink before he gave in and began his story of what was haunting him on that particular day.

“It’s Kat, we are just always arguing. Over small things, mostly like sometimes I have to work late and don’t have time to hang out with her, but she takes it to the next level. She like always wants to come over as well which I know I shouldn’t have an issue with, but I like my space and I live in my parents’ basement still so it’s actually super embarrassing.”

“Have you told her about this? Like how you enjoy your own space?”

“Yeah, I have, every time I try to explain to her how I feel about it she ends up crying or yelling telling me that I’m insensitive and a horrible boyfriend for not wanting her around.” Gerard words slowly became fuzzier with each glass of liquor he knocked back.

“Well, if communication doesn’t work and you guys are refusing to cater to each other maybe the relationship isn’t healthy or good for you.”

“Aren’t we supposed to tough it out though? You know be together through thick and thin? We’ve been together for nearly three years now, I’m pretty sure she expects us to get married.” Gerard didn’t sound confident in his relationship; considering he had been with Kat for so long he felt obligated to stick it through. “But do you want to get married?” Methe questioned only to be met with silence however that gave her a greater answer than any words could have formed.

[][][][][][][][][][][]

Methe sat in the staff locker area smoking a cigarette by a window, she had long awaited her break after putting up with the sad souls. Looking over her shoulder, anxiety flooded her systems in fear of her boss coming to creep on her. In the last five minutes of her break relief relaxed her muscles because Mr Lloyd was nowhere in sight to disturb her peace.

A slight gust of hot air brushed against Methe’s neck, making her arm's hair stand up. Frozen in fear, knowing who it was and what they wanted Methe just stood there praying that she was dreaming, and she would burst awake from her sleep in a heat of sweat.

“Miss Knox, I’m going to have to extend your break. I need to see you in the office.” A hushed whisper came from the lips of the figure looming over her. He grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her towards the office door. Tears welled in the ducts of Methe’s eyes as she tried to find any way out of the situation. “But Maria- alone- out there.” She stumbled to find her words but again struggled to form a coherent sentence.

“Maria is an adult; she can handle herself. Now I need you to handle a little issue for me, do a good job and I might give you a raise.” Mr Lloyd slammed the door shut behind her, Methe’s body jolted at the sudden sound, and she began to shake slightly while Mr Lloyd slowly toyed with his belt.

“No. I can’t.”

“If you can’t be a team player here, I’ll have to cut your hours… Substantially.” He spoke professionally considering what he wanted her to do. Maria’s voice calling for her lulled into Methe’s ears but was soon halted. Methe questioned if she had gone insane and was coming up with delusions in her head to get her out of the situation.

“But I seriously need the money… and my dignity.” Her confidence suddenly rushed back to her when she realized there was a big chance she wouldn’t get out of the situation. She didn’t want to have to be the timid and scared little girl she was all throughout her childhood.

“That never stopped you beforehand.” His hands began to slide down from her waist to her front. Methe pushed him off her when his hands reached her middle area. Everything in her body repulsed him. “You can cut my hours. Sir.” Methe teased the end of her statement with annoyance right before she rushed outside grabbing all her belongings and rushing through the doors of the back office.

She rounded the corner to exit the bar and saw Gerard vomiting in a rubbish bin just outside. She stopped in her tracks; remorse filled her as she felt terrible for the man who was hunched over in a low.

“Way, come on. You should head home.” She softened her tone for the man, his body flinched when she put her hand on his shoulder to pull him back up to his feet. Gerard’s arm lazily slung over Methe’s shoulders who had one arm holding him up and the other arm calling for a taxi. “Mmm, Em come to save the day you can be my Superman.” His words came out slurred together so much so that Methe could barely make out what he said. “Mm-Hm, I’m going to get you a taxi. What’s you address so I can let them know where to take you.”

“Umm, I don’t know, I live there!” Gerard pointed in a random direction whilst he spoke in a drunken language. “Alright buddy, I need a street name and number.” Methe tried to get it out of him and after many attempts, she finally managed to get the address out of him.

“I lost your number.”

“What?” completely confused, Methe waited for a taxi with him. “That night we ran into each other, I lost the napkin with your number,” Gerard explained. Methe felt a little bit upset that he had lost the napkin with her number scribbled onto it. She knew it wasn’t a big deal or at least it shouldn’t have been, but she came to the idea that he must not have cared enough about becoming friends or even more than just a simple transaction.

“It’s fine we were both drunk. I see a taxi, Time to go.” Methe tried to ignore the dull feeling, but it kept resurfacing.

Gerard let go of Methe as he stumbled into the rear of the taxi with a simple mutter of “I’m sorry Em.” But she didn’t quite understand him and just simply brushed it off thinking it was some dumb drunken comment. She handed the taxi driver some money and told him the address where Gerard lived before departing to head back to her dormitory.

[][][][][][][][][][][]

Methe arrived back at her dormitory to see Jamia already passed out dead on her bed. With a simple sigh, Methe also crashed on her own bed drifting off into dreams.

‘Hands crept around her waist pulling her backwards, the hands leaked lower and lower down her body with each second and she was slowly engulfed by a black liquid. She tried to scream but nothing came out. She tried again but her lungs filled with a thick black sticky substance. Clawing to the surface for a breath of air to replace the liquid in her lungs, Methe panicked. “Come on, no one’s mouth is as pretty as yours.” Voices echoed everywhere. Methe opened her eyes to see where the voice came from only for them to ferociously burn as the liquid blinded her. Reaching the surface of the liquid it was like her world literally flipped upside down and the fell out of the liquid. Falling, Falling, and Falling. Mirrors cracked leaking blood from the shattered shards and Methe’s body continuously fell through mirrors on end. The liquid clearing from her eyes only for her to look up at the glass confetti falling above her to see that in each different shard, it depicted something horrifying. Maria, her lips a pale blue and her eyes a milky white with no soul left behind them. Black liquid seeped from her orifices staining her skin. Jamia, Her skin no longer the usual pale white but now a sickly green with the same milky eyes and black liquid. Two faceless beings were presented in other shards, one female and one male. Their faces had no feature, no eyes, no mouth and no nose.’

Sweat dripped down Methe’s forehead as she was torn from her nightmare. It was a frequent one, although this was the first time Jamia had been featured. Usually, it was just Maria on occasion and the two faceless beings who Methe, despite them being faceless, recognized as her parents. The police had dropped her off at the local adoption center as a newborn along with a singular photo of her parents that in the early years of her life was torn and now only consisted of the bodies from the neck down of her parents. Now, she kept it in a small frame beside her bed. Throughout her whole childhood, she was taught that her parents died in a car accident and nothing more. As she grew older, she grew curious and began researching her parents to find out if maybe she would have been better off, had they survived the accident. Her parents were both mythologists who specialized in Greek mythology and also happened to be alcoholics hence her name ‘Methe’. The name comes from the Greek goddess Methe who is ‘the spirit and personification of drunkenness’.

She spent her childhood in different foster homes every couple of weeks or months which meant that any forms of stability she was supposed to have experienced as a child never occurred. Out of all the foster homes she lived in only a total of five were hosted by decent human beings, but they never lasted long. The remaining homes she spent her younger years in we often a smile-for-the-cameras type of family but don’t look through the curtains. It wasn’t uncommon for the adults of the household to become abusive or treat Methe as a maid. When Methe was eleven her foster brother at the time was nineteen and had decided to take advantage of her. That was the day any remnants of Methe’s Innocence were stripped from her.

Chapter Text

Free time was like a stranger to Methe but considering she just had her hours cut she had plenty of time to herself outside of classes. Yes, she still had occasional shifts, but it was barely enough to get by. Methe figured she would look for a second job and in the meantime focus on herself and school.

Methe sat in the back of her classroom whilst listening to her professor ramble on about how photography is just as important in the cinematography industry as filmography. Methe often paid close attention in her classes, she figured if she was going to pay twenty-six thousand dollars just to go to this class, she would make the most of it and now with her hours being cut and her still needing to pay off fifteen grand things were going to be tight.

Mrs Lynch, the professor explained their assignment; photograph someone outside of the class but ensure that the photos tell a story, any story, and then write a fifteen-hundred-word essay to elaborate on the story told within the images and what went into making the photos such as lighting, elements within the photo, positioning, location etc.

As everyone was packing up their stuff and rushing out the door like a herd of elephants, Methe grabbed her belongings and darted to catch the teacher before she left.

“Mrs Lynch! Sorry, Um could I please have a word with you?”

“Of course, darling, come over to my office.” Mrs Lynch’s voice spoke firmly yet it had a ring to it that softened anything she said. She was an older woman, most likely in her mid-fifties and she had white streaks of age peppering through her orange hair to accompany the lines that spoke many words across her forehead.

Mrs Lynch sat in her office chair while Methe sat in the seat opposite waiting to continue.

“Things are a bit tough at the moment, my camera Lens broke and I can’t afford to fix it yet so taking photos might be an issue. I was wondering if the photography department would be able to lend me a camera just for this one assignment.” Methe’s anxiety started to boil in the seconds of silence as she waited for an answer.

“Well, I don’t know if the photography department has any cameras to lend at the moment considering there are multiple other classes doing photography assignments at the moment.” Methe’s heart sank.

‘How the fuck am I supposed to do this now? I may as well drop out. Save me a hell of a lot of money.’

“However, you can borrow one of my personal cameras. I’m only doing this because I know what it’s like to be in a tight situation and you’re a great student. As long as you don’t damage it, I’m happy for you to use it but you will have to develop the photographs yourself or pay for them to be developed.” Mrs Lynch continued as she unlocked a cupboard and took out a camera very similar to the one Methe originally had. “Thank you so much! I won’t disappoint!” a promise Methe was scared she couldn’t keep and a promise she probably should not have made.

“My pleasure, I expect great work from you. Now run along, I have a meeting to attend.” Mrs Lynch shooed Methe out of her office leaving a tainted smile across her face. Pressure built up on Methe’s shoulders, she had always feared that she would not be enough or good enough for other people. Knowing that she would most likely not live up to Mrs Lynch’s standards felt like a burden no one should have to bear. Methe went straight back to her dorm room and launched into planning her photo shoot.

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Balls of scrunched-up ideas littered through Methe and Jamia’s room. Methe continuously tried to get the image out of her brain onto the paper but each time it never gave her any justice and she would tear out the inked paper and throw it at the bin in the corner of the room and no one’s surprise it would miss slowly piling up around the bin. Maybe Methe should have taken up basketball in her teenage years. ‘American Psycho’ by the misfits blasted through the speakers of Methe’s cassette player while she zoned out in her head scribbling whatever she pictured onto the paper before her.

“My eardrums are crying!” Jamia covered her ears as she entered the room tearing Methe from her peace. Pausing the music Jamia sat across from Methe with the same look she has on every other time.

“No.”

“I didn’t even say anything!” Jamia defended putting her hands up before continuing. “But it would be absolutely amazing if you went out with me tonight…” she trailed of at the end with a hopeful look on her face.

“See your face said it all plus I have work to do and not enough money to spare for drinks.” Methe referred to her lack of shifts and piled-up debt.

“that’s funny because I managed to get us some pre-games! Come on your work will still be here tomorrow and if we get you looking spiffy enough you won't have to pay for a single drink!” she held up a bottle of cheap whiskey convincing Methe in a heartbeat.

“Fine but you’re not playing dress-up today… My decision is about to change if you don’t hand over that damn bottle.” Jamia quickly gave the bottle to Methe before squealing like a small child.

Methe straightened her hair and used two butterfly clips to create a half-up half-down look with two pigtails. Her body was adorned with a black pleated mini skirt and a white Rolling Stones T-shirt. Her feet were enclosed in simple black and white Converse while she accessorized with a studded belt and many articles of jewelry. The makeup she applied consisted of a pale base, smudged winged eyeliner, and a whine-red lipstick. Methe’s plan with the makeup was to get her closest to looking like a vampire she could.

Ready to talk anyone’s head right off, Methe already had three and a half glasses of whiskey and was feeling a little bit more than tipsy. Hand in hand Jamia and Methe headed to the cheapest and closest bar they could, which also happened to be the bar that Methe was employed at. Hope darted through her system, she couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol or not, but Methe was praying that she would see the same man who helped her get through most of her agonizing shifts.

The bell of the doors rang as they swung open wide and the two girls stepped through the threshold, immediately grabbing the attention of anyone within their vicinity. All most straight away Methe dragged Jamia over to the bar where Maria stood there pouring drinks.

“Miss me?” Methe said as she spun onto the barstool facing Maria. “of course, Love, where have you been anyways? You not stuck up in this shithole as much as usual.” Maria questioned Methe slightly concerned for the twenty-two-year-old.

“Mr Lloyd cut my hours. Anyways! This is Jamia, Jamia this is Maria think of her as my work wife!” Methe confidently cracked the joke, Maria snorted in return rolling her eyes. “More like work mum, I’m old enough to be your grandma.”

“And cranky enough.” A masculine voice was heard from beside Jamia, with a swift turn of the head Methe recognized the man who had been eavesdropping on their conversation.

“Gerard!”

“Em! Where the fuck have you been?!” Gerard wrapped his arms around the young girl squeezing tight and inhaling her scent.

“Out saving lives as Batman! Duh!” Methe pulled away from the hug laughing at her own joke. For a second they made intense eye contact, it was only brief, but it was enough for anyone to quake in the knees. His hazel eyes stunned Methe, His long eyelashes brewed envy in her stomach or was it something else?

“This is Jamia, my roommate. Who’s this with you?” the question came out before she could even confirm that Gerard was with the tall, skinny man. Gerard looked behind him before stepping to the side and pushing the man forward. “This is Micheal or Mikey, he’s my baby brother.” He ruffled Mikey’s dirty blonde hair, slightly knocking his glasses making them crooked.

“Ooo what a cutie!” Mikey went to put his hand out for one of the girls to shake it but was rejected when Methe threw her arms around the boy to give him a hug. “Wait… how old are you? You don’t look a day over sixteen!” Methe put her hand to her mouth and attempted to whisper into the boys' ears but horribly failed when everyone within range still heard the comment.

“Twenty, don’t worry I’m not drinking. Just here to keep a brother company.”

Mikey answered for Gerard.

“Girl I’ve gotta go! There is a hotshot frat boy at three O’clock! Wish me luck!” Jamia pointed towards a blonde boy who was rather muscular and was definitely eye fucking Jamia from the other side of the bar.

“Don’t be a silly goose and wrap it up pretty please!” Methe giggled getting eyes from the two men beside her.

The three all sat and enjoyed simple conversation while Methe and Mikey sipped on some soft drink and Gerard had the occasional beer which did not go unnoticed by Methe. Silently acknowledging how little Gerard was drinking around his brother she could tell how much Gerard cared for him and felt the need to protect him being the older brother.

“Maria! I need a massive favor!” Methe begged Maria praying she would get a positive answer. “Depends on what it is.”

“Okay so I have some photography assignment and I need someone to photograph since I have close to negative one friends. Care to be a model for a day?” Trying her best to make the role sound appealing, Methe had hopes of convincing Maria to be her model for a photoshoot.

“Sorry love, I’m too old for that kind of stuff. Either way, it will look like you just took a photo of a sultana soaked in water.” Maria denied Methe’s request much to her heartbreak Methe tried to convince her yet again. “You don’t look a day over twenty I swear! Please!! This is really important, It could make up for thirty percent of our final grade and my teacher is already expecting so much of me and I only have two weeks to do it plus an essay!! God help me” A thick gulp ruptured through Methe’s throat. She knew she was going to fail the assignment now, fear of letting down Mrs Lynch changed her expression suddenly.

“I’m sorry love, I just can’t. I do wish you the best of luck though.” Gerard and Mikey took note of the underlined expression on her face and became a bit concerned after only hearing small snippets of the conversation she shared with Maria.

“Em? You alright? I may be a couple of drinks in, but I can still tell when someone is upset.” Gerard placed a comforting hand on her shoulder that sent a shiver down her spine.

“I’ve just got someone expecting great results from me that I can’t live up to.” She cupped her face into her hands, muffling the end of her sentence. Gerard knew how Methe felt, after all, he did attend S.V.A as well. He had only just graduated the year beforehand. He studied cartooning as his major but studied a little bit of cinematography on the side and he knew how much pressure Mrs Lynch, the main professor for cinematography, could place on unseeing students.

“I have to take photos of someone to tell a story or some shit and then write an essay about it but I’m running out of options on who to take photos of considering my lack of friends.” The stress built up with each word that piled out of her mouth. The brothers both looked at her so intently it almost surprised Methe, she had never had another care so much about her issues.

“I’ll do it.”

“What? No, I could ask you about that. You probably have better things to do anyway.” Methe was bewildered at Gerard’s sudden comment. “No, I insist, I had the same class and I know how much Mrs Lynch can expect of people.” Gerard persisted.

“Are you sure? Wouldn’t Kat not like you hanging out with other girls anyway?” Methe thought of the reaction his girlfriend could have to him hanging out with other women. Sure, their relationship was a bit aloof but even from the short few months Methe has known Gerard and listened to his issues she knew that if she was the cause of any more issues within their relationship or a break-up guilt would overcome her senses. Not to mention a break-up would probably also crush Gerard knowing how much of an unstable alcoholic he already was.

“If she doesn’t trust me enough to not cheat on her that’s an issue within herself and not my problem. Plus, it’s only a photo shoot it’s not like we are going on a date.” He excused with silent nods coming from his younger brother behind him.

“Maybe before any shooting we can all go to lunch with Kat, you know show her you nothing to worry about,” Mikey suggested. It wasn’t a bad idea, maybe if Kat got to know Methe she could realize that she and Gerard are only friends to prevent any future issues from arising.

“I don’t know about that; you know how Kat can be…” Gerard’s deterring sentence tapered off. Methe sat there confused at the statement the older one said to his brother, ‘What is that supposed to mean? Is this bitch crazy?’ her thoughts turbocharged through her brain. “It’s fine, we can handle her. It’ll stop her from losing her shit if she finds out any other way.” The young dirty blonde man persisted.

“Alright, we can go for lunch on Sunday. Does that work for you two?” Gerard asked Mikey and Methe.

Methe and Mikey both confirmed the dates before exchanging numbers so they could keep in contact. Gerard gave Methe an expecting look with in return she raised her eyebrow.

“Do I get your number too or is that just a privilege for Mikey?”

“It’s a privilege”

“I thought you wouldn’t want it sorry” both Methe and the youngest replied at the same time before they all burst into fits of laughter at Mikey's joke.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Oh it’s just last time you said you lost it, I thought you just threw it away considering we were both drunk when I gave it to you,” Methe muttered, her cheeks heating up from her embarrassment and her ears turning a bright shade of red.

“I don’t have a cell so just write it down on something I call you on the house phone when I get home.” Gerard handed her a marker that she took and placed her palm out facing the ceiling asking for something. His eyebrow furrowed in question as to what she wanted before she carefully pulled on his forearm, keeping eye contact to make sure she wasn’t overstepping or making him feel uncomfortable. He rolled up his sleeve slightly to reveal the smooth, pale skin of someone who belongs in a vampire film. Methe wrote ten digits along his forearm. She could feel him staring at her intently and she leaned over his arm.

“I should go find Jamia and stop her from contracting some STD, I’ll see you guys on Sunday or sooner. I’m working Saturday so I might see you then Gerard.”

Methe waved to the boys before heading off, making sure to keep a confident sway in her hips. She didn’t know why she wanted to do that but she just did. She felt the eyes of a few strangers in the bar follow her across the floor as she strode over to her drunken dormmate who had a tongue down her throat that belonged to the same man she pursued at the beginning of the night. Methe cleared her throat awkwardly as she arrived at the two, they peeled away from each other with a train of saliva that still connected their lips before breaking and sticking to the man’s lips. Internally, this made Methe gag but externally she hid her disgust wishing to not come across as rude.

“Oh, Methe! This is Cam! Isn’t he a fine piece of meat!” the alcoholic contents of Jamia’s blood began to shine through her sentence as she slurred each letter and failed to whisper. “Hi, Cam. Come on time to go.” Methe bluntly said hi trying to keep a mutual state of acquaintance between the two but then quickly turned back to Jamia who could barely keep her eyes open because she was so drunk. Sure, Methe had a few drinks however she had spent the last little while sobering up as she spoke with Gerard and his brother.

“But I wanna go home with Cam!! Don’t be a cockblock!! Come on!!” she dragged out the end of each section of her sentence. Methe could have left Jamia to go home with the stranger, but her guilt would override any if not all of her senses.

“You will thank me in the morning.” Methe just slung Jamia’s arm over her shoulder and helped the reluctant girl of the bar, ultimately stopping her from doing something she would one hundred percent regret the next morning

Chapter Text

The following day Methe was jolted awake by the sound of a phone chiming. With a groan she reached over to small desk beside her bed ,grabbing her phone to check the number of whoever was ringing her at such early hours in the day, to her surprise she didn’t recognise the number; she was usually good when it came to phone numbers in case she ever got into a sticky situation. Still answering the phone she placed it up to her ear using her free hand to rub her eyes to assist them in adjusting to the natural light of the room.

“Hi, this is Methe Knox speaking. Who is this?”

‘Forgot me already? I thought we were closer than that.’ The person on the other line sounded familiar but Methe could quite put her finger on it as they joked about.

“Remind me again?”

‘Most loyal customer. Does that jog your memory?’

“Okay two things; one that’s just sad considering I’m a bartender and two, you make me sound like a hooker.” Methe finally recognised the voice of Gerard on the other end of the line.

‘Yeah, now that I think about it… my bad! Anyways, I was just calling to make sure you didn’t give me some Rando’s number last night.’

“So much faith in me being a decent human being, I like it. Anyways why for the love of god did you need to call so Damn early?! Couldn’t this have been left till the afternoon? Not that I don’t like talking to you but I’d much rather sleep at this hour.” Methe clarified carefully. She didn’t want to unintentionally insult him if he took her joke the wrong way.

‘Em. You're joking, right? It is the afternoon. It's already one PM.’

“What?! How?! Shit, I’m going to be late for work!” she began rushing to get everything together whilst keeping the phone to her ear. The voice in her brain was already dreading what could happen if she used her final strike. Something clicked in her brain and she paused.

“Wait… what day is it?”

‘Friday.’

“Never mind false alarm. Phew!”

‘Well, I should probably go before my Ma cracks it at me for hogging the house phone. I’ll see you tomorrow?’

“I think even if I wasn’t working tomorrow you’d be at the bar drinking so I guess I will see you then.”

‘Okay, I’m not That dependant on alcohol.’ He emphasized the ‘That’.

“Mm-hm, goodbye Way.”

‘Goodbye Em.’

She kept her phone pressed against her ear for a few seconds before she heard the line go dead. Dropping her phone onto her bed she went over to Jamia with some ibuprofen and a glass of water, knowing that she would need it considering her shenanigans the night beforehand.

“Oh my god, you’re a lifesaver.” Jamia quietly spoke in contrast to her usual loud volume. She quickly took the medicine with a sigh.

“Only for you.” Methe joked with a wink. Over the past two or so weeks Jamia and Methe had been seeing more and more of each other considering her hours had been cut and they slowly began to grow into closer friends. Their friendship always veered onto the flirty side but that was just how they were and everyone knew it was a joke.

“I figured you would need it considering last night.”

“Speaking of… what did happen last night? I remember just about nil of it.” Jamia rubbed at her temples in an attempt to jog her memory. She had drunk A lot the previous night and Methe knew exactly how she felt from her own experiences.

“I saved you from going home with some flog named Cam, I didn’t like his vibe.”

“My hero… seriously though thank you, I don’t think I needed a one-night stand last night.” Jamia thanked her while grasping Methe’s hands with gratitude.

“You could barely walk straight; what kind of person would I be if I had left you there?”

“One just like Miley…”  Jamia’s voice came to an almost silence as she whispered the name. Methe felt terrible sympathy for the girl at the idea of someone taking advantage of her whilst she was incapacitated and her friends doing nothing about it or even encouraging it.

“Although I do remember leaving you with two rather cute men…” Jamia wriggled her eyebrows before bursting out into laughter. The lines on Methe’s face furrowed, confused before her mouth turned into an O-shape as she realized who she was talking about.

“Who? Ohhhh! That’s Gerard and Mikey, Gerard is a regular of mine and Mikey is his younger brother.”

“Ooo, tag teaming it.”

“Did you not hear me say, brothers?! Plus, Gerard has a girlfriend and I only just met Mikey! Lord Jamia! I can have a guy friend without wanting sex you know!” Methe had to stop her mind from wandering to a scenario about how things would be different if he was single. ‘First of all, he probably wouldn’t drink as much, and second of all maybe we… no’ Methe’s mind noted. Although the first idea was not far off, memories of all the conversations they had had over the bar tops flashed through her mind revealing that almost every time he came to her in need of a drink it was due to issues within his relationship.

“Ohhhh I see now… you wish he was single so you could snatch that up!” Jamia teased the girl who now had a light shade of pink over her cheeks.

“Oh no! it's not like that I promise! He just happens to be an alcoholic who favors the bar I work at! Plus, I’m going out with him and his girlfriend on Sunday.” Methe denied any connections between the two aside from a platonic relationship. To be fair she wasn’t lying to Jamia, He did happen to be an alcoholic who goes to the same bar she works at often and she was going out with him and his girlfriend on Sunday which essentially immediately put a stop to any future romantic feeling stirring between the two.

“what? So you're a third wheel? Sorry champ but that’s not going to be fun.” Jamia raised an eyebrow questioning Methe’s decisions. Methe agreed though, if she was third-wheeling it definitely would not make the list of best experiences ever.

“His brother Mikey will be there too, He’s not too bad,”

“The one with the glasses? Yeah, he’s cute, when you're done with him send him my way,”

“Jamia you can’t say that!”

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Sunday came around quicker than possible, Methe walked in her platform high-top converses as she entered a small lunch café that was just around the corner from her dormitory. She looked around for a second before spotting the usual spikey dark brown to black hair that was adorned upon Gerard’s head. She then noticed Mikey who was with him in his usual outfit of jeans and a band top, the final person Methe’s eyes fixed on was a stunning brunette, her hair was slightly wavy, and in a side part, she had a pale complexion with a yellow undertone. She had bright green eyes that could draw the attention of anyone in the room; they certainly drew Methe’s attention when jealousy struck home deep in her stomach. One thing Methe was still puzzled on, however, was whether she was jealous of the girl for her looks who she could consider hers.

She arrived at the table they were all sitting at when Kat stood up and put her hand out to Methe to shake. The pressure of Kat’s stare could have or more so should have killed Methe and she prayed that her discomfort did not show on her face. “You must be the woman My boyfriend keeps spending his time with instead of his Girlfriend.” Kat emphasized the ‘my’ and ‘Girlfriend’ with a tone implying that Methe was trying to steal her boyfriend. She really wasn’t, she was just doing her job and as for the assignment Gerard had insisted on helping.

“Kat. please don’t,” Gerard merely whispered to Kat as he stood up and gave Methe an apologetic smile.

“You must be the one and only Kat, the names Methe” She tried to keep her tone polite but found it nearly impossible.

They all sat down and Kat’s eyes did not leave Methe once. She understood how the girl felt; Methe was sure she would have the exact same reaction had she of been in Kat’s position but she couldn’t help but feel a little bit of anger towards the girl considering how she had treated the oldest Way brother in the past.

“So, What’s this photo shoot I’ve been hearing about?” Kat began breaking the silence sounding entitled and ‘Bitchy’ is what Methe would call it..

“I have an assignment and the people I planned to do it with flunked out on me.”

“You mustn’t have many friends then.”

“Kat!” the two Way brothers simultaneously scolded the girl. “You can’t just say stuff like that! Methe is a nice girl and didn’t ask for you to be rude!” Gerard continued to the girl beside him who just shrugged in dismissal. Methe could tell that Gerard wanted to use much harsher words toward the brunette but was too scared to.

“It’s okay, some people just need to deflect. Doesn’t offend me in fact, it actually makes me pity them.” Methe bit back at Kat who just blinked in shock for a second while Methe had a disgusted look on her face that was aimed obviously at Kat. She knew she probably shouldn’t have said it but she also wasn’t the type of girl to just sit there and let someone insult her to her face. Although she could give Kat some credit for having the balls to say that to her face instead on behind her back.

For the next fifteen or so minutes the four of them sat there sharing information about the photoshoot. Every so often Kat would express her disapproval which Methe of course disagreed with; the whole meet-up was supposed to be a way for Kat to know nothing was going on or going to happen between her and Gerard not to ask for her approval the way a man asks for his partners parents’ permission to marry their child.

“I think you should find someone else, I don’t need you trying to get alone with my man.” Kat bluntly said

“She’s not trying to get alone with Gerard! If you haven’t noticed, he’s pretty fucking crusty.” Mikey’s voice raised a level towards the end as he tried not to laugh at his obvious insult to his brother before grunting in pain when Gerard kicked him in the shin under the table.

“He’s right Kat. About Methe trying to get alone with me, not me being crusty.” Gerard agreed but made sure to clarify what he meant. He had spent the entire lunch burying himself in his food or shooting Methe apologetic looks while he tried to reason with Kat, he figured it was his turn now to stand up for Methe a bit more firmly.

“No, and that’s final! I don’t want this bitch who looks like a zebra covered in blood all over my man!” Kat sounded like a mother when their teenager tried to convince their strict parents to go to a party and it was severely aggravating Methe especially when she took a jab at her hair.

“Well it's good we aren’t asking you for approval, I came here to help reassure you that nothing is going to happen but for some reason you refuse to use your common sense.” Methe stood up grabbing her purse.

“I think we are done here. Gerard, it is completely up to you if you don’t want to do the photo shoot, I won't hold it against you but it will be muchly appreciated.”

Methe gave them both a quick smile and a wave goodbye before she walked passed Kat who had now stood up and subtly bumped her shoulder into Kat’s shoulder. A simple mutter left Kat's mouth which sounded to Methe like she was getting called a Bitch.

“Bye Em, I’ll let you know what happens.” Gerard used the same nickname that only he and Methe shared. At the sound of the nickname Kat lost it at Gerard, and she began yelling at the man claiming he had never loved her. Mikey finally stepped in between the two when Kat went to lay hands on Gerard, tolerating violence is something the Way brothers never have done and he wasn’t about to start now.

Chapter Text

It had been two days since Methe’s encounter with Kat at their little lunch meet-up. To say the least, she was still irritated at the way Kat treated Gerard as if she was his mother. Methe didn’t care if it was something they were into or if Kat just had a complex but Methe could not help but be pissed about it.

Considering how the meet-up went and Kat's personality, Methe assumed that Gerard was no longer going to go through with the photoshoot and was already considering her other options; like just failing Mrs Lynch since she hadn’t heard a single peep from either of the Way brothers beside a brief apology she heard from Mikey over the phone shortly afterward.

Methe had finally come up with her idea for the photoshoot after multiple days of a struggle trying to get her ideas out of her head and onto paper; the Images were going to consist of the interior of a catholic church with a singular person sitting inside praying, that person was going to be clothed in a ‘Satanic’ fashion or in modern terms ‘Emo’ or ‘Gothic’. The Images were supposed to push the stereotype created by society in the 1970s by the everyday churchgoers that those who dressed a bit differently worshipped the devil and all that jazz. That ‘satanic’ person was originally supposed to be Gerard and she had already envisioned how he would look in the photographs and thought that it was perfect. Still, she was now considering scrapping the entire idea as she had to find someone new.

It was a Tuesday night where Methe sat at the foot of her bed just staring at the wall trying to spring up any ideas. Her eyes connected with uneven pupils of David bowie, praying that his essence would bring her out of LaLa land and into a reality where ideas poured out of her.

Pulling her out of her trance but not allowing any ideas to flood her brain, her phone rang. It chimed six times before Methe pressed the receive call button and held it up to her ear.

“Gerard? What’s up?”

“Methe! I’m so sorry it took me this long to get back to you! Everything has been a mess with Micheal and Kat…”

“Micheal? What happened? Did you guys argue? Is he hurt?” Methe’s thoughts overpowered her consciousness and threw her into a panic at the sound of the name Micheal. Gerard had never referred to Mikey as Micheal aside from when he introduced the two. Her brain drew up every possible negative conclusion.

“Umm well, I got into an argument with Kat over… well, you. But this morning I got into an argument with Miche-Mikey, I got into an argument with Mikey.” Even through the phone, Methe could hear Gerard’s somber tone as he corrected himself.

“What happened between you and Mikey? What did you argue about?” Methe didn’t want to pressure Gerard into talking but she wanted to help and couldn’t help as best as she could without even a little bit of details.

“Well, it’s because of my drinking. I know it’s gotten bad, I really do and I know it hurts him to see me depend on it but I don’t know how to stop. I don’t want to stop. Long story short he wants me to go to rehab.” Gerard rambled on. With each word that spilled through the speakers of her phone the more her heart cracked, the sound of him admitting that he didn’t know how to climb out of his own grave hurt her soul. Sympathy bubbled in the pits of her stomach for both Way boys.

“Maybe rehab is a good idea…but it’s your decision and I’m sure that whatever decision you make, Mikey will stand by you even if he doesn’t agree with it. I may have only known Mikey for a little less than a week, but I can tell how close you two are.” Methe made the best attempts to comfort him as much as possible.

“Yeah, after our little screaming match, we managed to talk about it and decided on some dates…”

“That’s an amazing start, Gerard! when do you leave? I’d love to say goodbye if you would have me… but if you don’t want me to that’s totally cool too it’s just I mean I’ve actually come to consider you a friend…” The consonants of her language began to fade out as she stuttered her words when the self-doubt began to set in and the regret rested firmly in her conscience.

“That would be great Em, I leave in ten days so we can still do that photo shoot if you would like?” Gerard surprised Methe; she had thought that he would not be able to do the photoshoot and he was also leaving sooner than she had expected.

“but I thought… Kat? You know? Bitch? No disrespect.” She could not form a sentence for the life of her as her brain thought extremely hard about how to come up with a response.

“Considering how she acted on Sunday she deserves to be called that, but just pretend you didn’t hear that from me. Anyways we had an argument over the phone after lunch on Saturday, nothing special but she needs to know that I’m an adult and can make my own decisions.”  His voice tapered off into a deep serious tone that sent shivers down Methe’s spine for an unknown reason. The idea of Gerard standing up for himself against the woman who obviously intimidated him even in the slightest bit shot a feeling of being proud from her fingertips to her toes.

“Look, if it’s too much trouble you don’t have to do it. I’ll find someone else I’m sure I can manage. But bravo on standing up for yourself I think it was long overdue,” Methe essentially gave him a pat on the back over the phone but she noticed a slight build-up of guilt in her stomach for talking bad about his girlfriend pretty much to his face and quickly began to apologize before he could get another word in, she soon felt guilty for not letting him speak and muttered a simple “I’m sorry I’ll be quiet now,”

“No I want to help, I think it’ll be fun and plus I think it would be handy if we both actually had a proper friend,” the way he spoke confused Methe, she couldn’t tell if he was joking or not but her smile grew at the idea that he would in fact be helping her out with the photoshoot or maybe it was at the idea that he wanted to be friends. That was something Methe herself could not answer.

“Thank you so much! What days are you free between now and when you go away? I think maybe a practice day slash rehearsal or two would be useful to figure out the best way to get my idea out in the best way possible and then a day for us to do some proper modeling,” Methe appreciated his help to an extent where she didn’t know how to express it and just rambled on.

“I’m working nine to five every day till Friday so we can do a little practice after work on a day you're free and if you're free Saturday and Sunday we can use those however you need,” His voice hummed through the speakers in a soothing tone as Methe checked the calendar on her wall to see what days she was working over the next week.

“Saturday and Sunday sounds great and I’m not working tomorrow night if that works for you. The only issue is Jamia has dibsed our dorm room to spend the night with some guy that night so is there anywhere in particular you’d like to work together?” Methe explained to the man over the phone not wanting to picture whatever Jamia and the guy were going to do in the shared room she sat in as she spoke.

“Well, the only places that would be open are restaurants and bars or places like that which I don’t expect to be much help so if you promise not to judge and you’re okay with it we can probably work at my place,” She could tell he was embarrassed about his living situation however she seriously didn’t mind.

“That sounds good and don’t worry I won't judge I think if things were different I’d be the same…plus you only graduated in December last year right? That makes you what? only a year older than me? Twenty two or three?” Methe did the math in her head, she considered it normal if someone still lived with their parents in their early twenties especially if they were only fresh out of college.

“Twenty-three turned April 9^th so it's kind of depressing that I still live in my parents' basement.” He shamed himself unnecessarily.

“No, it's not, it's normal don’t worry. Umm I don’t have a car or anything so would you like to meet at the bar after you finish work tomorrow so we can head to your place together?” she reassured him.

“Yeah I can do that, I’ll be there at five-thirty.” They both confirmed dates before Methe saw how long they had been on the phone. “Shit! I have to go before this call costs me my head! Sorry! I’ll see you tomorrow Way!” Methe hung up after Gerard said his goodbyes agreeing with her.

She smiled to herself as she thought about the conversation she had just shared over the phone with Gerard although she probably couldn’t tell herself which aspect of the conversation made her feel so happy or giddy, the feeling certainly was not washing away anytime soon.

Dozing off, Methe was sucked into her subconscious as she dreamt a dream which seemed to be more a memory rather than anything.

‘An unknown lady approached me as I played with some building blocks in a colorful room. She squatted down and spoke with a soft voice, “Miss Knox that’s a nice building you're making there. I’m Josie, I’m going to help you find a nice home.” She had the clothes that only the fancy ladies in pictures wear and black high heels just like the Barbies I always played with. Josie sat down beside me grabbing a building block and placing it on my tower. I quickly grabbed the block that she placed down and got up running as fast as my legs could take me and hid behind a small toy box while holding the small piece to my chest, peaking over the top to keep an eye on the lady in case she was evil. “It's okay, I won't hurt you…I just want to help you” She slowly came closer each time I shrunk back into my position…’

Chapter Text

The consistent click of a pen rang in Methe’s ear while her eye twitched slightly in annoyance. A boy sitting a row in front of her in the lecture room of her fine arts class had been clicking the top of his pen constantly for the last five minutes while leaning his head on the desk, praying to the gods for the boy to catch somehow the signal that is was doing everyone’s heads in. Methe stared daggers into the back of the boy’s head, preventing her from focusing.

Professor Canbrie finished the lecture and dismissed the class, ultimately rescuing Methe from the clicking worthy of turning anyone insane. Gathering her notepads and sketchbooks Methe made a B-line out of the class so she could make it to her dorm room with enough time to get ready and head to the bar to meet Gerard.

Once in her dorm, Methe gathered all her books that contained any form of sketch or notes for the planning of the photo shoot and slipped into a simple outfit of a black pleated skirt and studded belt with a cropped AC/DC shirt layered with a black and white long-sleeve striped shirt underneath. she accompanied the outfit with her usual decrepit high top converse shoes and miscellaneous bits of jewelry she regularly wore.

The clock rounded to a quarter past five which signaled to Methe that it was time for her to leave and take the five or so-minute walk to the bar. Her messenger bag full of her planning materials was slung over her shoulders as she paced her way to the bar.

Methe waited for what felt like forever until the same man she had recently become familiar with placed his hand on her shoulder to greet her. A smile appeared across her features when she pulled the man into a friendly hug.

“Em, it’s good to see you!” Gerard’s voice was laced with excitement as he spoke to the young girl. Methe replied with a similar answer before he grabbed her hand and started to lead her out of the bar saying that they had to catch a ferry to his house before it left. The feeling of electricity shooting through every one of Methe’s nerves pounded through her hand at the contact. Her eyes lingered on their lace fingers for too long; Methe didn’t like this, she didn’t want any other connotations between the two aside from just friends.

They arrived at a small house in Belleville, New Jersey roughly forty-five minutes later, according to Gerard it would have taken them an hour usually, but he knew some sneaky shortcuts through alleyways to cut fifteen minutes off the way home. Gerard stuffed his hand into the back pocket of his skinny jeans and pulled out an old key to the front door of the small house. It wasn’t an ugly or run-down house; it was quite beautiful in a small kind of way. It had two stories and presumably a basement with standard brown brick walls and a nice garden that led up to the front door and along the front walls of the house.

They both stepped into the threshold of the house where Methe left her shoes, so she didn’t track any mud or dirt into the house. They entered the kitchen to see a blonde older woman making herself what looked to be a cup of tea.

“Oh! Gerry! You’ve got to be louder when you come home or one day you’ll send me into a heart attack!” The woman jumped slightly with her hand clutching her heart. She must have been Gerard’s mother, she looked sweet and sounded it too.

“Sorry Ma, I don’t mean to scare ya’.” his New Jersian accent snuck its way through his speech as he spoke to his mother. Often while out in New York, he would suppress his accent and sound more neutral to avoid any extra questions however he was at home now and not in a social setting. When Gerard hadn’t been drinking, he was a very shy person; he didn’t like talking to new people and would often keep to himself.

Gerard gestured to the woman before them with his left hand while his right hand was still intertwined with hers. “This is the one and only, Donna” he spoke calmly. The woman’s eyes dropped between the two, it only took Methe to look down at where Donna’s eyesight was focused on to realize that her hand was still intertwined with his. It seemed Gerard had also just realized the same thing and quickly let go of her hand as if he had been shocked by an electric fence.

“Thank God! I was getting sick of Kathleen! Forgive me but she was not pretty on the inside, I was scared for a second that, that rude girl was going to spoil my sweet boy.” Donna smiled like a sweet lady, her features resembling her two boys. Methe couldn’t agree anymore with the older lady, Kat was a bitch and there were no questions about it. Although Donna was wrong about one thing, she and Gerard were not together in that kind of way. No, Donna did not directly say or ask if the two were together but the implications that she laid out with her sentence sent heat rising through the back of her neck and a red tint splayed across her cheeks to match her hair.

“No mum! It’s not like that! This is Methe, we are working on a photo shoot together.” Gerard reasoned as his cheeks flushed with scarlet. Internally, Methe took note or offense, she couldn’t really tell, of the fact that he was solely focused on the fact that his mother implied that they were together and completely ignored the area of Donna’s statement where she assumed he had broken up with Kat.

“Oh! I’m sorry! I should have known that you don’t have much standards… although what I said still stands Gerry, she’s not a nice girl” Methe giggled to herself as Donna vocalized a joke, it was less the joke she made about Kat that made Methe laugh though but more the nickname she used. It must have been something from his childhood considering it sounded like something any teenager or above would be caught dead being associated with.

“Ma don’t call me that I ain’t three no more!” Gerard groaned as if he were a teenage boy being asked to clean their room. A basic “Mhm” is all that was heard from the blonde as Gerard pulled Methe away from the kitchen and led her to a wooden door to a basement at the bottom of a staircase. “Okay if you’re a serial killer now is about the time you told me.” Methe chuckled while she cracked a joke… although… if he was a vampire maybe that would be a different story. Something that Methe was always interested in was horror movies but the ones where the main plot points were about vampires were the ones that piqued her interest the most. Her favorite movies ever since the day they were released had always been ‘The Reflecting Skin’ and ‘Interview with the Vampire’.

He paused with his hand on the handle of the door and looked back at Methe. “Umm… just give me a minute” He quickly slipped behind the door, all that could be heard from Methe’s end was some shuffling and then a bang and a small mutter of swearing. The door soon slowly creaked open to reveal Gerard shyly standing in the doorway as he looked at the girl now sitting a few steps in front of the door.

“Welcome to my humble abode” he almost stuttered as he cleared the way for Methe to step inside. Silence crept into Gerard's ears leaving a ringing tone in its wake as Methe took in her surroundings. A double bed rested in the room with Star Wars sheets messily sprawled across the mattress. The walls were plastered with posters and drawings which matched the ones spread across a drawing desk. Methe could tell that in the minimal minutes, she heard shuffling coming from the inside of the room as a result of Gerard trying to quickly clean up the room to look slightly more presentable.

Breaking the silence that was setting Gerard on the edge he cleared his throat with his hand glued to the back of his neck. “Did you draw these? Sorry dumb question” Her finger glided over a drawing of a purple and green character that looked as if it was inspired by the DC character ‘The Joker’. She made a point not to touch any of the papers for fear of damaging the pieces of art that graced the room. A shy nod came from the man who was chewing his cheek as if it were a piece of gum.

“Don’t do that, it’ll cause sores… these are amazing- I don’t know how to describe it” She pointed out the fact that he was chewing his cheek which immediately made the man stop. Slowly his feet padded along the floor of the room until he came up to be behind Methe but slightly off to the side. The feeling of his body heat caused her body to react in a way that she chose to ignore.

“Thank you, you can touch them you know.” He referred to the artworks while his hands were stuffed in his pockets to stop his hands from wandering to feel the curves of Methe’s waist.

With as much caution as possible Methe sorted through a few drawings taking in their beauty until she came across a drawing that looked awfully familiar. It had the image of a girl with black and red striped hair and pale pink skin, the girl was a vampire and was dressed in red, black, and white vampiric clothing. The girl in the drawing had icy blue eyes that stood out against the red and pink hues of the rest of the drawing as well as a familiar spot above their right eyebrow.

A warm hand caressed hers causing her the draw her attention away from the piece. Her eyes met with whirlwinds of hazel from the depths of his eyes, his pupils large like black holes ready to consume her at any moment and Methe was sure if anyone could capture the moment and let her see it she would witness the fact that her pupils were at the same state.

“So… Umm right plans, what have you got so far?” Gerard questioned the girl leading her to sit on his bed, kicking any miscellaneous items on the floor out of their way.

She pulled out some papers and books from her messenger bag and scattered them across his bed allowing him to get a good look at each one. “This entire room kinda puts me to shame, but I tried.” She teased herself with a small laugh.

“No, these are really good! I love your style!” Gerard commended her drawings. He wasn’t lying, he loved her style. It gave him a breather from his usual comic style of drawing.

“Okay you probably don’t want to hear it, but I should give you a run-down of my idea so far and we can adjust it later on…” Methe trailed on looking down at the fingers she was picking at.

A masculine hand embarrassed her own stopping her from picking the nails on her fingers and she looked up for her eyes to connect with Gerard’s. his gaze was soft and far from the usual intimidating stares she was used to.

“I’d love to hear your ideas; this is about you. It's your project I’m only here because I’m your fabulous model.” To Methe’s distaste, he discredited his own reasoning for being there however she didn’t say anything. Though she did agree with the idea that he was going to be a fabulous model

“Okay so, I had this idea where there is like a catholic church and there’s like the seats and the altar and all that jazz. Right so then inside there will be someone, theoretically that someone would be you and you would be dressed in quote-unquote ‘Gothic’ attire. The sort that the mums who force their children to pray every night to believe worship the devil, you know?”

The entire time Methe explained her idea to Gerard he remained focused on her as if she was the only thing in the world. His eyes remained attached to her as she expressed what she was passionate about and he nodded along to each detail she added.

“I- That- That sounds amazing…” He struggled to find the words to express how he felt about her idea, he had no negative opinions the only issue was he was speechless, and internally there was a battle within him as he argued with himself on whether it was because her idea for the photoshoot was spiritually moving or if it was because her natural beauty had consumed him. Obviously, he just chalked it up to the first option, either way, he has a girlfriend and has to remain faithful no matter how insufferable she tends to be.

“Thank you, really though it means a lot that you like the idea.” She felt grateful for his attentiveness, he made her feel like the only girl in the world but as much as she wanted to reconcile with any feelings within herself it would only cause harm to herself, Gerard, and as much as she didn’t like Kat, she didn’t want to be the cause of her harm either.

“I love how it pushes the ideology that people created for some reason in the 70s. I hope I don’t get this wrong, but it seems like the story of the pictures in the simplest form is ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’.” Gerard prayed that he got the story correct in case it made her doubt the effectiveness of the picture's ability to convey the correct stories. To his delight, Methe’s facial features perked up.

“Yes! That’s exactly the idea! My sketches are a little bit rough I mean I don’t major in fine arts, but they get the message across to you well enough.” Methe squealed with excitement before pausing when she noticed Gerard staring contently at the smile on her face. He could have sworn the entire room grew brighter with her smile.

“Here let me see, I might be able to…” he trailed off as he put out his hand which was soon filled with one of her sketches and he went over to his desk grabbing one of his fancy fine liners and a very large sketchbook and he sat back down beside Methe.

He began sketching in his book looking back and forth between Methe, his book, and her sketch. Soon he took note of the silence as he was in his own world his brain sort of filled in the sound gaps. Methe was sitting and waiting patiently when Gerard pointed to a cupboard underneath a small Television and DVD player. “there are a few DVDs in that cupboard, you can pick one if you’d like just for background or something. You're probably not interested in anything I’ve got in there though…” His speech came out as barely a whisper in embarrassment when he realized that she had been watching him draw.

She knelt down to get a closer look and, in that process, she felt a set of eyes attached to her, she knew it was Gerard’s specifically but she chose to ignore it since he had a girlfriend and it must just be a passing thing while their relationship wasn’t the strongest.

Gerard watched her intently with his lip between his teeth as he anxiously observed to gather some form of conclusion of what she thought of him based on her body language as she went through the very things that helped shape him as a person.

“Oh my god! There are some great classics here! I didn’t think anyone watched these sorts of horrors!” Methe squealed which initially shocked Gerard but what truly could have made his heart stop was when she got even more excited and held up the DVD copy of ‘House of the Living Dead’, Methe turned around with the DVD to her chest jumping up and down slightly “Ahh! Gerard! I think I might be in love with you!” without thinking Methe let the words slip. Her eyes widened as her brain processed each syllable that left her mouth, and her ears became a bright red color while a slight shade of pink graced both of their faces. “I- Um- I- I didn’t mean it like that- I don’t love you, well I do but it’s in a platonic way like it’s not that you’re a bad person or anything-” Methe tried to exempt her previous statement but was cut off by Gerard chuckling slightly and telling her not to worry.

Still, red in the face Methe put the movie on and sat back with Gerard who returned to sketching in the large black book that sat in his lap.

The movie played on for about twenty minutes when Gerard turned his sketchbook around to show Methe the precisely placed ink on the page. His drawing depicted the same thing as what Methe’s did but his were in a neater fashion and a comic book style.

“That’s amazing! Would it be okay if I included it in my final presentation?” silent prayers sailed through her mind as she hoped he would allow her, the drawing that he presented her was truly amazing if anything she could have mistaken it for one of those billion-dollar paintings.

For a second Gerard didn’t reply. Methe searched within his eyes to find any indication of what his response would be but only found herself lost in the hazel abyss. “Okay, but only because I happen to like you and want you to get a good grade.” The comment made the corner of Methe’s lips strike higher into a smile.

“Oh, I see how it is; my original drawing isn’t cut out for a good grade now is it?” Methe crossed her arms and scrunched her face into a frown which was obviously failing considering her lips were twitching in resistance to laugh.

“Hey! You said it not me,” Gerard’s arms shot up in defense but were soon lowered when they both broke out into fits of laughter completely forgetting about the movie.

The entire time that Methe was over Gerard didn’t think about Kathleen one bit; he was solely focused on the black- and red-haired girl who had his attention the minute she first served him a glass of what he longed for.

Guilt rushed through his bloodstream at the idea of thinking about another girl when his girlfriend clearly disapproved of him even being in the same room as her. Guilt was often the reason why he submitted to Kathleen’s orders even though he hated it. Her primary tactics would always be to belittle him or guilt-trip him into believing he was in the wrong or that he was a terrible person and her personal favourite seemed to be to convince him that no one else would love him like she does. Kat’s actions were always the ones to send him down a spiral of a drinking bender. The sudden feeling of guilt brought bile up from the deepest depths of his stomach but to its dismay was later sent straight back down with one large gulp from Gerard. Standing up he brushed his legs almost as if he was trying to cleanse himself of the guilt.

“I’m going to grab a beer I hope you don’t mind, while I’m up there, is there anything you would like?” Gerard offered to remain polite. Alcohol was Gerard’s calm place, it’s what soothed his mind, it’s what helped rid him of terrorizing thoughts that destroyed any slither of self-confidence he had left.

“Could I also have a beer please?” it came out more of a whisper, but Gerard heard the girl perfectly and disappeared behind the door leaving the girl to get a proper examination of his room. 

It was slightly messy and looked as if it used up the entire basement including a small ensuite bathroom attached in the far-right corner. A shelf of comic books graced the wall beside his small television, Methe brushed her fingers along the countless spines. Some were more worn than others and some were newer, Methe could tell which book Gerard loved with all of his heart considering how rough some of them looked from being read repeatedly.

Noticing a collection of Goosebumps books a smile spread across her features, with the fostering system Methe had gone through as a child each time she was sent to another heaven or hell the agency would give her a new book and each time it would be a Goosebumps book by R.L Stine. They were the only things that she would consistently keep with her through every family she was situated with.

“Before you judge me horrifically at least get a beer into your system so I chalk up your judgment to that,” Methe’s body almost jumped out of her skin and her soul almost sunk to damnation below, that would be the case if she believed in that stuff.

“I’m not, I actually think it’s pretty cool you’re interested in this sort of stuff. Ten points for the goosebumps books by the way,” her finger landed on the spine of the same title of the first book she received as a young child. Gerard’s eyes perked up at the words whilst he handed her the beer that he had collected previously, hearing a thankyou from Methe he smiled as ironically goosebumps rose upon his skin.

“Oh… really? No one else I know actually likes this stuff except Mikey but he’s my brother, so he doesn’t count.” It was true, none of the people that Gerard would consider friends liked comics. They often considered that comics were childish and should be left to the children, sometimes they’d even take to making fun of Gerard for reading comics.

“I’ve always loved comics and books since I was a little kid, I think it's sick that you love them too! What’s your favorite?” the question came out sweet on her tongue, her mind desperately craved to get to know the man before her.

“I love a lot of Grant Morrison’s books, but I’d have to say ‘The Invisibles' or ‘Doom Patrol’ and then probably ‘The Watchmen’ by Alan Moore. It’s a hard pick” His face lit up as he spoke about something he was passionate about. Methe’s face was contorted into a mesmerized expression, the fact that the man stayed true to what he loves including something that is laughed at by people their age made Methe respect the man a fraction more.

“Oh my god! I love the watchmen too!” her voice came out as more of an excited squeal in a high-pitched tone rather than her usual mellow notes that Gerard was used to.

The two went into the deep depths of the comic book world as they conversed about the comics and novels that they both loved since childhood. After many minutes they were now sitting on a small sofa in the corner of his room both with cracked beers in hand while their conversation tapered into something much more serious. On a whim of curiosity, Methe spurred out a question.

“Why did you start?” an answer was not expected but Methe hoped.

“I loved to draw as a kid and worked-” His explanation was cut off abruptly by Methe where she corrected what she meant.

“Drinking, why did you start drinking?” sincerity was laced throughout her voice adding a sense of comfort considering how personal the conversation was about to get.

Gerard figured that considering she had been serving him alcohol for all of those months he couldn’t deny the fact that he had a problem and he trusted her enough to tell her where the root of all his problems had stemmed from.

“When I was in middle school people would bully me because I was quote-unquote ‘different’ and by that, I mean I was into the art sort of things and music instead of playing football or whatever the other little shits did in their free time. To put it into perspective I was a little boy who liked to sing and played peter pan in bright green little tights… when I got to high school I was a fat fuck and people bullied me for that as well as still liking Comics, Dungeons, and Dragons, drawing, you know all that jazz so I started drinking in my junior year to kind of forget about the fact that I’m a fat ass who draws pictures for fun. It was only every so often, but I guess it grew on me and I just wouldn’t- won't. I just won’t stop until I black out,” he corrected himself in the end, professing the fact that still to that day he would drink until he blacked out.

Methe took note of the usage of the words ‘I’ and ‘I’m’ in his words and her heart swelled at the thought of him disliking his body in such a way. He wasn’t fat by any means, he didn’t have abs, but he was far from fat. “You are absolutely not a fat ass first of all and second of all those douchebags didn’t know what a real childhood was” Her beer made a soft tap on the side table when she put it down and slowly raised her hand to his cheek, her thumb ran over the pale skin going back a forth. His eyes were focused on hers, sending an uncomfortable shiver down Methe’s spine; it wasn’t uncomfortable in saying that she didn’t like it, it was uncomfortable as in it was unknown. She didn’t know what it was or how she should have felt about it so in response she just quickly dropped her hand.

“Thank you, Em, truly it means a lot.” Thank you’s rolled off the tip of his tongue in a hushed voice while she stood up. “I should probably go it’s getting late” she stuttered out.

“It’s almost nine at night, I’d be an asshole to let you go home alone at this time. Stay the night, not anything like that but we have a spare bedroom upstairs that you can stay in.” Gerard offered with pleading eyes. He felt it was morally wrong to allow her to catch public transport home in the dark but he also knew it was morally wrong to have another girl stay the night especially one his girlfriend disliked.

“But I don’t have any Pjs or stuff…” The counterargument spilled out of the girl but was easily hushed by Gerard throwing solutions at each one. She knew he was just trying to be nice, but it unsettled her stomach at the idea of what Kat would say or do if she found out.

“I’ll take you back to New York tomorrow on my way to work if you’d like?”

With that Methe allowed Gerard to guide her to the bathroom and the spare room upstairs, when she came out of the shower, she found a small pile of clothes at the door which she quickly changed into. They were larger on her and seemed to be either Gerard’s or Mikey’s, but it was no issue. Making her way back to her designated bedroom for the night. She could hear Gerard going back downstairs followed by the sound of clinking bottles. Deep down Methe believed she should have known that her presence would not be an exception to Gerard’s susception.

Chapter Text

Gerard sat on the floor of his bedroom; empty glass bottles that were once filled with toxins surrounded him. Sketchbook in hand, he ran his fingers over one of his drawings; A girl with red and black hair in two ponytails who held a baseball bat as if she was ready to swing at anyone. That girl had been stuck in his mind for what felt like forever and the only break he could catch from the imaginary girl was whenever he would get lost in the clouds of his mind and absent-mindedly lay her out on paper or if he was blind drunk but even then, sometimes, he’d catch himself daydreaming about the fantasy woman. She filled his sketchbooks and his mind. She was a part of him, she was in his bloodstream whether she was accompanied by alcohol or not. 

In need of something stronger, Gerard took the long walk up the stairs and into the kitchen where the liquor cabinet graced him with its presence. Bottles clinked together as the man rummaged through it to find the strongest liquid there. He heard Methe get out of the shower two hours beforehand. Right before his previous round of alcohol, he was slightly disappointed when the only sound he heard from that end of the house was the soft breeze from open windows.

Once again, Gerard was downstairs sitting on the floor of the room that his parents owned and generously let him stay in. Papers scattered around him as he sketched the same icy blue eyes he had dreamt of. He needed more than simple dreams of his imagination. He wanted to be able to have her, own her, consider her, his own and him, hers. But he couldn’t do that, all he could do was imagine her.

Soon, enough Liquor had entered his system for his mind to wander off and leave him a slump in bed while soft snores left his mouth. Hair messily fell along his forehead as it grew longer, it was two or so inches long and in dire need of a haircut.

[][][][][][][][][][][]

Methe’s eyes fluttered open to see a foreign room. Panic visibly flushed through her face whilst she successfully recalled the events of the previous night which settled any panic left over.

Standing up, her own eyes raked over her body. Staring at the oversized black David bowie shirt and loose pants that sat among her. It was seven in the morning when she woke, which surprised her considering her usual time to wake up was around lunchtime. Still in the strange pajamas, she headed outside of the room to hopefully go find Gerard so he could finally get her home.

Walking out into the kitchen there was a man and it was NOT Gerard. Panic once again flowed through Methe’s system as her anxiety piqued and she made eye contact with the man. “Oh. So you must be Mee-Thee.” He was Blunt and rude. Tears brimmed in Methe’s eyes, most of the time Methe would stand up for herself with a snide remark or a comment that matched their tone but it being so early in the morning and her being caught off guard she just froze. 

“Dad! Don’t be such an asshole!” Gerard rounded the corner into the room where he was already jumping the gun to defend Methe. 

“Well son, When you bring home random girls I think I’m right to react however I want.” The older man’s deep voice trembled through Methe’s eardrums. Heat gathered on Methe’s face in the embarrassment of being an intruder, she never liked to overstay especially in a case where it was her first time at the person’s house.

“Donald! Have some manners! You knew she was coming over now stop being a pain,” Donna, the same woman from the previous night entered the room as well while she scolded her husband. She soon began to apologize to Methe whilst offering her a cup of coffee. Methe cautiously accepted and took a seat down at the table beside Gerard who already had a cigarette lit and in hand. 

“I’m sorry about him, My dad and I… I guess we don’t see eye to eye… often and he tends to take it out on others,” he apologized in a hushed voice whilst keeping an eye on the bleach-blonde elder who was making her way out of the room. A thankful look spread across Methe’s features while she sipped on the coffee. She appreciated Gerard’s apology, she understood how hard it could be when it came to parents who she didn’t agree with especially considering she had multiple of them. “It’s okay, I understand. he just caught me off guard I guess,” He held the two fingers that had his cigarette softly resting between them offering her a drag of his cigarette which she gladly accepted. Her features relaxed the more she held in the nicotine. 

A cold rush of a breeze ran over Methe’s body and Gerard’s face went extremely red all of a sudden confusing her but she was too nervous to question it and instead, she finished off her coffee and left the room simply telling the man she was going to go get changed into her own clothes. The mirror in her room revealed to her why Gerard’s face had turned to such a shade of red. It was cold. She had no bra on. Her face turned as bright of a red shade as the boy she left in the other room. Throwing on her same clothes from the day before she left the room to go grab her drawings from Gerard’s room. her face still extremely red.

[][][][][][][][][][][]

Their second planning ‘date’ or session went by quickly and before anyone knew it Gerard, Methe, Mikey, and an older woman who was introduced to Methe as Elena were all standing out the front of a local church in Belleville New Jersey Gaping at its beauty.

It had a Victorian architectural feel to it. To Methe, it seemed like she was living a dream. She always imagined the day she would get married and every time it would be in the exact sort of church that stood before them. Methe Gratefully smiled at the older woman, Gerard and Mikey’s Grandmother Elena, who through her connections with the catholic church was the only reason they were able to manage to occupy such a space for their photo shoot.

One of the giant double doors at the height of the stairs creaked open while Methe lugged her large photography bag inside. “Thanks again Mrs Rush- Way- sorry” Cringe settled into Methe’s bones at the sound of her own faltering sentence. “Honey, Call me Helen. It’s not often these two boys make a friend who isn’t a total- you know what I mean,” the lines of age moved gracefully as she joked and silently made the sign of the cross in a way to ask for forgiveness for insulting someone in a church.

Gerard and Mikey both let out groans of annoyance to their grandmother. Mikey wore his usual attire of a simple T-shirt and skinny jeans while Gerard was dressed in a black leather coat that was filled with spikes and marks of old age as well as multiple layers of clothing which altogether added elements that completed the look that both Methe and Gerard intended on achieving. His hair was spiked and freshly dyed black, and his face was slick with white face paint and black eyeliner, if anyone were to see his face without the knowledge of having context, they would probably think he was near death with how sickly pale he had appeared.

“Hey Mikey, could please you give me a hand setting up these lights?” Methe softly asked Mikey for assistance soon entering their own world of focus whilst trying to get the best angles for the lights. Elena ushered Gerard away into a small corner with a large smile on her face bright enough to shock anyone to the heavens above.

“she’s a stunner isn’t she,” she started with a low whisper to keep her voice from echoing through the cathedral-like building. “Grandma, not now please.” The pleads came out as pathetic begs ripping embarrassment up from Gerard’s very core. Elena gave Gerard a look that almost screamed at him to stop with the nonsense, it was a look he often received from essentially everyone.

“Yes, she is beautiful but it's platonic. F-R-I-E-N-D-S. Friends. Look I’m sorry for being rude, it's just that everyone expects something of us as if I can’t have a real friend.” It was true. The feeling that no one believed in him enough to make a real friend without ruining it through romance or just plain ass being a bad person or well an alcoholic too always weighed down on his shoulders causing some of the deepest aches.

His grandmother just silently looked at him with a deep sense of sincerity on her face before she pulled him in for a comforting hug. “I know Gerry, I’m sorry… it’s just that other girl she’s destroying you, she’s taking pieces of you bit by bit and she won’t stop until you are all gone… My sweet boy…go out there and be the best model Miss Knox has ever seen,” her aged palm caressed his cheek while she spoke. 

Her words cut deep. He knew she was right about Kathleen, but he refused to believe it. He had been with her for so long he didn’t want to accept that the relationship was making the same downfall it had been for months and there was no hope to catch it before it crashed and burned.

[][][][][][][][][][][]

On his knees, Gerard sat perched in the middle of the church. His head hanging solemnly with his hands clutching before him. It was truly an amazing sight, it was everything Methe had imagined for her photoshoot. Daydreaming is where Methe got lost with her eyes focused on the man in her camera.

“Can you try one looking up as if the big man is above you?” Mikey suggested from behind Methe as he looked over her shoulder at the Camera’s screen. 

Gerard did exactly as his younger brother suggested and almost knocked the wind out of everyone’s lungs at how beautiful he looked. His hazel eyes pointed to the sky whilst his grandmother’s matching eyes filled with water.

He was breathtaking with the amount of grace he could release even whilst still being dressed in sharp and rough attire. Methe slowly lowered her camera after getting a few shots from all sorts of angles, Elena gave her youngest grandson a knowing look as they both watched the girl tackle Gerard into a tight hug while professing how much she appreciated his help and considering amazing the photos were going to come out she knew he was going to be the reason why she would get a good grade that is if Mrs. Lynch approved of the photos as much as she did.
[][][][][][][][][][][]

The same night, Methe was working on her essay to elaborate on the photographs she took with Gerard. Each time she looked at the pictures she would get lost in a trance, he looked so beautiful and calm. His Presence in each one of the photographs was what completed them. Without him they would not have the same effect Methe had planned for, even if it was someone else who dressed the same a looked like Gerard; Methe knew that he was the one. The one for the images that is.

The faint sounds of her pen against her workbook could be heard as she tried her best to focus on the important part at hand. Words upon words spilled out of her brain and onto the paper like a water fountain. Before she knew it she had already gotten through her introduction and her first body paragraph, feeling satisfied with the work she had done for the night Methe turned over to sleep. An odd feeling of loneliness toppled through her at the sight of the empty bed across the room where her dormmate usually resided. The past few days Jamia had spent all her nights out at bars and clubs or even occasionally at one of the frat parties while Methe was either at work getting pestered by Mr Lloyd or she was hanging out with Gerard and his brother, Mikey.

Over the past few weeks, Methe had become close with the Way brothers. Yes, she knew Gerard for a few months beforehand when he would come in for his daily self-medication but during those months Methe just treated him as her “favorite” customer. Although it had not been long, Methe felt as though she had known Gerard and Mikey for years knowing full well that she had barely chipped the tip of the iceberg when it came to those two. 

Tearing her out of her thoughts her phone rang. Methe expected it to be Jamia calling her but deep down she prayed it was the familiar number that belonged to Gerard. She knew it was wrong and God had mercy on her soul but Methe couldn’t escape the fairy tale she had conjured up in her mind.

“Hello?” Methe sang in the mobile phone against her ear.

“Methe! Hi how are you? Its Mikey,”

“Oh, I’m good thanks, just getting through that fat essay. How about you?” she responded cheerfully. Although she had only just seen the man a few hours ago at the photo shoot, she smiled at the sound of her friend’s voice.

“I’m alright thanks…Look if you’re not busy on Thursday I have a huge favor to ask of you,” Methe could hear the desperation in the mini-Way voice, luckily for him she did happen to be free that day in particular.

“What can I do for ya’?” She happily offered.

“So you know how Gee is supposed to go to rehab tomorrow?” Methe’s face dropped, Yes she did know it was tomorrow that he was leaving but the reminder of it just saddened her. Not to mention the fact that Mikey was bringing it up on a spontaneous phone call, her anxiety peaked. ‘What if Gerard’s injured and can't go? What if they didn’t accept him into the rehab and he ends up a sorry alcoholic… just like my parents…’ The thought rushed through her head but the only sound she could manage to squeeze out was a simple “Mhm”

“Well, his stay got postponed to Thursday and he must be at the facility at seven AM. The issue is that the facility doesn’t want him to drive himself and I have a work meeting that I can’t miss without losing my job”

“And I’m guessing that your parents are unavailable to take him either so you would like me too?” she summed up his short rant in her head, but one question crossed her mind ‘What about Kat? Why can’t she take him?’.

“Yes! I know it’s a big ask but Gerard needs this and Kathleen…Well…between you and me, I don’t think she’s exactly the key to him getting sober perse, so I think it's best if she doesn’t see him right beforehand,” He didn’t exactly need to ask her twice, she was always happy to help out Gerard. She only had two issues; One, she doesn’t own a car and two, she had no way of arriving at his house on time to take him.

“Look Mikey you don’t need to explain yourself, I can see how alcohol is destroying him and your family. I’ve seen it in other families too, perks of being a bartender, am I right? Anyways… I just have two problems. I don’t have a car and I wouldn’t be able to make it to yours in time to take him in the morning.” Methe explained whilst slipping in a depressing joke all to try and come up with a solution with Mikey.

“If you’re okay with it you could stay over Wednesday night and leave from my house with Gerard and you can borrow my car, my job is only a short walk from our house,” there was a short pause before his response evidently due to him thinking of a solution. Methe’s stomach swirled at the idea of staying in the same household as Gerard once again. “Deal. I’ll see you Wednesday?”

“Thank you so much Methe! I Fuckin’ owe you big time!” relief flowed through his voice and through Methe speaker making her smile.

“I know, I know, I’m amazing no need to scream it out,” she chuckled, and with that she hung up the phone to eventually feel a tight grin spread across her face as she stared at the motley crew poster taped to her ceiling. 

Chapter Text

The following day Methe met Gerard during his lunch break and after a brief argument on who should choose where to go they eventually decided the local café was the best option. It was the same café Methe usually went to when she was either working on some homework or when she was just having a nice lunch date but not a date with Gerard.

They sat down for a few minutes before the waiter came to take their orders which they happily placed. As Gerard spoke to the waiter Methe noticed that his eyes were drooping a little bit and to anyone else, it would just look as though he was lacking sleep but deep down Methe knew it was because Gerard had already begun to consume alcohol that day even though it had only just struck midday.

Choosing to ignore the situation at hand Methe pulled out a few photos from their mini photoshoot including two small pictures that they had both taken together in a silly moment. In one of them they were just smiling like idiots with their hands signing devil horns or what some people would call a rock and roll symbol and the other photo was one where Methe was on Gerard’s back with her arms loosely around his neck and her chin resting on his head as the both laughed at the attempt of a piggyback.

“These are all the photos from yesterday, I figured you might want a lil’ sneak peak,” Methe explained as she spread the photos out across the table.

“Jesus these are amazing, I totally thought I’d look like a loser in them but your damn photography skills make me slightly less loser-y! Like can you show me how to do that in real life?” Gerard chuckled to himself at his own insult. Her hand grasped his own under the table while she searched to connect their eyes. “Don’t. No. Nope. Not happening! Never. You are not a loser Mr Way! You’re an amazing talented artist who has a massive heart which is more than what most people could say!” Methe interjected at each of his attempts to back up the loser accusations he threw his own way.

“I wanna keep one of these as a little memento and I’m incredibly indecisive so can you pretty please help me out?” her eyelashes batted at the man in a joking manner as she changed the topic of the conversation.

“The only correct answer is one of these two actually,” His hands dragged the two photos that they had taken together into the center of the table when the waiter brought over the drinks that she and Gerard had ordered before an aggravated customer called for his service and began berating him.

“I don’t even have to look at the guy to know he’s a jackass,” a scoff left Methe’s lips as well as an eye roll that escaped her features. “Yep, ten points for you Em.” Gerard leaned over the side to look over her shoulder at the man on a table behind them.

[]Methe’s POV (first person)[]

Seeing Gerard lean to the side to witness the man behind me had piqued my curiosity. In a moment of weakness after telling myself it would be rude to look over, I looked. I shouldn’t have. But I did. A small peak around my shoulder sent ice through my veins and anxiety into every single fiber of my body. Breathing became harder and harder to do, my eyes blurred with tears as I spun around gripping the sides of the chair to the point where my knuckles were white and my hands hurt. Gerard’s face grew with something that looked to be a concern as he tried to speak to me but a familiar ringing flooded all of my senses causing any chance of me getting out a coherent sentence as a panic attack took place.

It's funny how one man can do so much to a woman by just being present. What’s funnier is that even a decade later the face of the man I once had to consider a brother could still get this much of a reaction out of me. I still remember every night that William would have fun with my innocence. He would tell his parents he was saying goodnight to me and slip behind that door but instead of a simple goodnight which should take less than thirty seconds he remained behind that door and it was behind that door that he stripped me of both my clothes and innocence.

I felt Gerard’s arm go around my shoulders as he helped me out of my seat and walked me to a nearby park where he sat me against a tree in a less publicly visible area. He repeated a mantra of breathing instructions to me as tears ran down my cheek until I finally calmed down enough to coherently speak to him.

“Em, what happened? Did that man do something? You looked over at him and…” He didn’t even want to describe her panic attack, even then he probably couldn’t have even if he tried. I didn’t want to load all my trauma onto him but with all the questions and what he witnessed the least I could do was ease his mind with answers.

“He- He, William-  I was so young-” I struggled to get the words out as hiccups erupted out of my throat not to mention the part that made this just that much harder; I was still trying to piece together and reconcile with my past on my own. His expression softened as he got the idea that William hurt me. He wrapped his arm around me as we sat on the grass underneath the tree and in a voice that was hush, he just simply asked me a question I was expecting but what he added to the end is what shocked me. “Do you want to talk about it? You don’t have to, just know I’m here for you. Always.”

Of course, people would ask me if I wanted to talk about my past but usually, that was just them poking and prodding. Often the person wouldn’t even drop the subject until I either left or gave them a little insight into what built me as a person but the second option rarely if not, never happens. Gerard, I trusted him even within the short time we had been actual friends, he made me feel safe. He soothed that voice in my head.

After a few deep breaths to calm the stutter in my voice I began a short little story time. “When I was younger like infant-type shit my parents died, they were drunk driving because um- they were...” I hesitated before I said the next word knowing that the man in front of me was also suffering from the same cause of how the terrible downward spiral of my life began. “Alcoholics,” he finished for me with a soft look in his eyes.

“Yeah…that, anyways um I was in different foster homes up until I was eighteen and sure some were great like some of the parents, I wished would have adopted me but those were rare… the other kind weren’t nice and he- William- he came from one of those ones. His parents, they spoke with their fists, to say the least, I- I was eleven. I was so young, innocent, and that man. That man, he was nineteen and he thought it was a good idea to have his own fun behind closed doors.” Anger boiled through my body as I continued through my story and tears released through my eyes while I clutched onto Gerard’s shirt and cried into the crook of his neck.

“He took it, Gerard! He took something that was supposed to be mine to give away!” I referred to the very thing that was supposed to be special to me. The thing that I was supposed to give away of my own free will to someone who I loved. No, I don’t think I ever would have been the kind of person to wait until marriage but I would’ve waited until I found someone I loved.

“It’s Okay Em, he can’t hurt you anymore,” Gerard reassured me. Of course, I knew it was true but I should have been over it by now.

“I know and it's fucking stupid that I’m reacting this way! I mean it was eleven years ago! I’m an adult and he didn’t even speak to me! I should be okay by now!” my frustration was evident in my voice.

“Em no. Don’t think like that. It was a traumatic event. It's okay to not be okay…I promise.” He whispered whilst looking deeply into my eyes. The hazel depth of his eyes was so beautiful I could have sworn he was a siren luring me in with the song of his beauty.

“I’m sorry we didn’t get to finish our drinks… here take this,” I handed him a few dollar notes and closed his fist around them. “No-no, it's fine take it back.” He slid the notes into the pocket of my jumper. Such a slight and innocent gesture erupted butterflies through me. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did. He had a girlfriend and it wasn’t me even if I wanted to get in bed with him- even if I could get in bed with him it was morally wrong and he probably wouldn’t fall for any seduction methods anyway, at least when he sober he probably wouldn’t.

After a short while I walked Gerard back to the office where he worked, unknowingly we were both holding hands the entire way. Well, I knew at least but I was too scared to let go and I also may have or may not have not wanted to let go either. The walk back to my dorm room was quick, with whirlwinds in my stomach it pushed me to move faster as a smile grew larger and larger on my face the more I thought about how Gerard reacted to my previous incident.

[][][][][][][][][][][]

As I sat in my dorm room later that night the same musical tune repeated in my head. Over and over again. Taking out an old note book I scribbled down some basic lyrics. I was never big into the music scene, I could play bass and a little bit of piano but the musical area was never really my forte I was always and still am into the film industry much more but that has never stopped me from writing an occasional scrappy song. No I was never going to take any of these seriously it was more just a little side hobby to keep my mind at bay. The song that I had written out landed with two titles that I couldn’t decide between, “wake me up” and “bring me to life”. The song described how it felt like one person could see into my soul. That person knew every aspect there was too me in such a short time and yet he was the only person to understand me into such depths.

I closed the book and stuffed it into the deep corner of my cupboard. Wishing to forget of the emotions that boy in my notebook conjured up.

It was so wrong; I knew it was wrong and anyone around me would tell me it is wrong too but every nerve in my body knew that it FELT right. ‘If only feeling could justify immoral thoughts and acts’ the idea rushed through my head as if it was my inner conscience begging for society to somehow change and agree.

Chapter Text

The smell of cheap alcohol filled Methe’s nostrils and intoxicated her brain. She couldn’t tell if it was because she was walking in such proximity to the man her mind could not let go of or if it was due to the strength of the odor. Methe and Gerard walked side by side with only mere centimeters between them. The streets of Belleville were rough, and Gerard had insisted on walking her to his house before their road trip to rehab. Although Gerard had only insisted on walking her to his house, he also made a point to walk on the roadside of the cramped footpath. The small gestures of protection were enough to allow a sense of security to drift throughout Methe. 

As they both walked Methe handed Gerard a small photo card. “Here, you keep this one. I have the other,” she took her own photo card out of her jacket pocket. Hers matched his own; they both had deep red borders, one of the photos consisted of the two smiling like idiots together and the other one depicted Methe on Gerard’s back in a piggyback position. 

Gerard took one of the two smiling together with devil horn signs they had made with their hands and slipped it into his pocket. “Thank you, I’m keeping this forever I hope you know,” Gerard’s cheeks were flushed from the alcohol he had already consumed throughout the day. His eyes were glassy as they drooped down in the slightest way. “Oh, are you now? I bet ya’ ten bucks you will lose it in a month,” Methe countered his statement with a sly grin on her face, she was obviously joking but deep down she knew that he probably would lose the picture. ‘you’re not his girlfriend. Why would he care about some silly little photo? He’ll probably throw it out as soon as he gets home.’ Her own thoughts saddened her. She knew she wasn’t his girlfriend and she had made peace with that but there was no harm in being friends, right?

“Cross my heart. I will keep it to the end,” he drew a cross with his index finger on his chest where his heart resides. “To the very end?” Methe raised her eyebrow at the man while she waited for his answer.

“Well, I crossed my heart, didn’t I? Too late to go back now,” His tone of voice indicated that the answer was obvious. 

Almost in an instant, Gerard’s demeanor changed. He went from happily joking with creases at his eyes from smiling to silently looking at the ground before he slowly raised his head as they walked.

“Umm… I’d just like to give you a warning, my dad isn’t in a great mood so if he says anything just ignore it…” his voice dropped an octave and softened as he continued his sentence. Methe knew that Gerard and his dad didn’t often get along, but her curiousness only built up and she thought that if she didn’t ease the curiosity she would explode. Softly she asked him about his father, not prying too hard in case of scaring him off. “Is he always like that?” The soft nature of her voice added a soothing touch, helping Gerard feel calmer about opening up to her. 

“Umm… yeah, since I was a kid. He yells, a lot and drinks a fair bit. I know it’s hypocritical of me to say that and he never really hit me but the yelling… it was a lot to take in as a kid 'cause I used to try and protect Mikey, you know?” Gerard spoke slowly, contemplating each word he let slip to make sure he wouldn’t expose too much of why he was the way he was. Their pace slowed as they walked, not in any rush to get back to Gerard’s house and Methe finally understood a little bit as to why.

Thinking back to each time Gerard explained why he would be drinking on one solemn night at the bar. Methe always understood each time he used Kat as an excuse for his drinking, but she internally knew there was a deeper underlying cause. Gathering the information and putting together the pieces of the complex jigsaw puzzle she knew as Gerard, even with many of those pieces askew or missing; Methe finally began to realize that the blame for Gerard’s illness couldn’t only be put of himself and Kathleen but also the man he considered a father. As someone who had experienced abuse as a young child, Methe understood and that’s all she needed to do. 

“If you ever need anything I’m here, right to the end. Whether if it’s a hug, to talk or for me to beat your dad’s ass, I’m here.” Methe finished off he sentence with a small chuck to soften the sentence that she meant with all her heart. Rounding the corner with connected hands, the ‘Way’ household came into Methe’s view. She could feel Gerard’s muscles tense as he too, recognized the familiar building only a short distance away.

The two stood on the doorstep as her hand slipped out of his grip and she ran her fingertips up and down along the length of his arm to soothe his nerves whilst the key turned slowly in the keyhole. With each second the wooden door was not swinging open Methe’s nerves grew, she wasn’t sure why. She wasn’t the one stepping into the house of the man who abused her, and she was sure Gerard felt the same nerves as her however it was only amplified.

The inside of the house was still, the breeze that blew through the atmosphere outside dropped still once it passed the threshold of the house. It wasn’t like this the first time Methe had stayed at Gerard’s house. Gathering her thoughts she conjured up any reasonable cause of the dead atmosphere but the only thing she managed to come up with was the newfound knowledge of the traumatizing things that would have happened in those walls that still haunted the gaps in between them. The idea of Gerard and Mikey spilling tears at a young age due to the man they called their father sent shivers through Methe as the thought settled into her bones.

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A cigarette moved between Gerard’s lips as he spoke. He was rambling on about something that Methe had completely lost since he lit the cigarette. For some reason Gerard always spoke with the right side of his mouth at an angle, sometimes Methe wondered if he was born like that or if it was some kind of mutation he acquired throughout his years on earth. Kind of like something she’d read about in a comic where the superheroes were normal average humans but experienced some mutation or freak accident to become the man of every girls’ dreams. 

Maybe that was a stretch for Methe and maybe Gerard wasn’t the man of her dreams but with the twisted way his mouth moved each time he spoke, it was like she was stuck in a trance of hypnotisation. 

Reaching out Methe’s index and middle fingers, she coaxed Gerard into placing the single-lit cigarette between her two outstretched fingers. Their eyes remained connected the entire time Methe inhaled a long drag of the cigarette and held the smoke in to get the most effects she could. The original Dracula movie played in the background removing them both from each other’s traps.

Clearing his throat, Gerard stood up brushing his hands on his knees. “I’m gonna grab a beer, you want one?” he said nonchalantly as if he wasn’t headed off to rehab the next morning.

“Shouldn’t you try and get ahead of the whole staying sober thing?” Methe questioned the boy who gave her a peculiar look. The memory that he was headed to rehab the next day must have only just struck him because after that singular statement, Gerard’s demeanor changed. Not wanting to be any cause of bad emotions before a huge change in Gerard’s life she just smiled and stood up with him. 

“Ahh what the hell, may as well go out with a bang,” Methe said cheerfully. She knew she shouldn’t enable him to drink but she wanted him to leave to go to rehab at least a little bit content with his last days before being locked in a white room. 

Gerard’s face lit up at her agreeance and shot up grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the doorway like a little kid on Christmas day bursting to run to the Christmas tree. Both giggled incessantly as they raided the liquor cabinet carrying as many bottles of liquor as they could manage. Methe reached into the fridge and grabbed a large bottle of soft drink earning a strange look from Gerard as he just watched her. 

“Do you want me to last more than six drinks?” Yes, Methe knew that was already a substantial number of drinks however she had to keep up with Gerard’s immaculately high alcohol tolerance. 

Turning around Gerard just shrugged his shoulders and skidded off back down to the basement. Methe was short on his tail as her socks slid along the boarded floors.

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Laughter erupted from the two as half-empty bottles of spirits littered the space around them. 

“Okay, so Unicorns? Real or fake?” Gerard slurred. They had spent the last twenty minutes talking about the idea of mythical creatures being alive or not. Most of their conclusions were that they were real and were just in hiding.

“Oh definitely but I reckon they were like an ancestor of a rhino and died with the dinosaurs! Ooo! Ooo! No, they were definitely some prehistoric love child of a horse and a rhino!” Methe’s abs tensed from laughter at their absurd theories.

“Okay but if you could be one thing that doozies think are fake, what would you be?” Methe continued taking a small drink of her Vodka Red Bull. Gerard stayed silent for a moment while they made eye contact.

“Definitely a Vampire.” His answer seemed obvious considering the appearance he often took up with the occasional messy eyeliner and ghostly white skin.

“Oh yeah obviously, Vampires are hot! I’d either go same same or a Siren those fuckers are like evil mermaids and my childhood dream.” Even after the words slipped out, in her drunken mind she couldn’t grasp the idea that she could have just called Gerard hot even though he wasn’t a vampire and he probably didn’t realize either.

“You're pretty enough to be a siren so it wouldn’t surprise me” Gerard shamelessly flirted with Methe, most likely without even realizing it. “Mr Way! Thank youuu! But you can’t say that!” she playfully slapped his shoulder laughing. The alcohol in her system left her mind oblivious to the immorality of the situation. 

“Why not?” A simple question. But one enough to prove he truly meant what he said.

“Uhhh Kat, Duhh” Her obvious tone paired with a joking roll of her eyes was enough to tell herself and Gerard her true opinions on the matter. She liked Gerard complimenting her, Hell, she wanted him to compliment her. She wanted him to like her, she wanted him to choose her over Kat, but she knew he couldn’t and wouldn’t.

“She isn’t you. You're different.” Something said in every romance movie or book to ever exist. Something so cliché but something that warmed Methe’s heart so wrongfully.

His hand reached up to lightly graze her cheek as his eyes flicked between her own. Methe leaned into his touch seeking the type of comfort only he could provide. Moving closer to one another sinfully, his fingertips brushed over the soft skin of her neck and in an intoxicated moment, she closed the gap. 

Their lips met in a heated rush and his hand snaked around Methe’s waist pulling her up to her feet. Not once breaking the contact they moved to the bed in simultaneous stumbling movements.

Gerard’s back made contact with the bed he slowly laid down, pulling Methe down with him so she was sitting over his waist, one leg on each side of his hips. His lips continued down Methe’s face towards her neck sending a shudder throughout her body. 

Words repeated in Methe’s mind. ‘This is wrong. This is right. This is sinfully right.’ Wrongfully right could be a term used for the situation at hand. A taken man and a woman who enables him to grow the very sickness that kills him despite her rocky up bringing with alcohol. Sharing a bed with someone was different as a kid, innocent minds were pared with innocent acts however as people grew older and older their innocence slipped away and sharing a bed would begin to mean so much more.

Chapter Text

A singular beam of light streaked through the tiny glass window in the basement. Gerard breathed in the usual scent of sweat, alcohol, and cigarettes that graced his bedroom. However, there was one unfamiliar scent; the smell of vanilla clogged his senses. His eyes still closed he nuzzled his nose into what he thought was his pillow to get another hint of the intoxicating scent. His pillow feeling oddly warmer than usual he opened his eyes to realize he was snuggling into the crook of the neck of a girl sleeping peacefully. One with red and black hair. One with facial piercings gracing her lips and nose. Methe. 

He didn’t feel nearly as alarmed as he should have. Taking a deep breath he just brought himself closer to the girl and closed his eyes to try and fall back to sleep. Images flashed behind his eyelids showing the curves of her body with his own hands all over her like a movie every teenage boy dreams of. The taste of her lips hummed on his own. At first, he thought he was just recollecting some kind of wet dream he had at some stage but as he put the pieces together he realized that it was in fact not a dream but rather a memory, a reality. 

The girl stirred in his arms and her icy blue eyes connected with his own. A simple “Morning” slipped from her lips in a croaky morning voice, it was enough for Gerard to imagine what it would be like to wake up like that every morning.

“Morning sugar,” Gerard said as he got up to realize they were both only in their underwear almost as if it was confirmation of what happened the previous night.
Silky navy blue underwear clung to Methe’s skin as she stirred in his bed, the bed that they shared, the bed he committed adultery in. Suddenly guilt crashed into Gerard, he shouldn’t have felt so content with the previous night's activities. The faint sound of the landline phone ringing upstairs could be heard. As calmly as he could so as not to concern Methe he slowly pulled on his clothes and muttered something about getting something from upstairs. Answering the phone he immediately heard screaming.

Gerard was about to hang up the phone assuming it was a prank phone call when he finally understood the voice on the phone. 

‘Gerard! Micheal told me! How dare you!’ the voice sang in a furious tone. Gerard knew it was Kat but what he didn’t know was how she had found out about his night with Methe. 

“Look I know, I’m an asshole. Let me make it up to you,” He almost pleaded on the phone.

‘No! How could you?! Allowing that skank to take you to rehab?! I could have done it! I don’t want you around her!’

A relieving sigh left his mouth when he figured out that she in fact did not know about the previous night's shenanigans. He shouldn’t have felt relieved though, he still cheated on his girlfriend in one of the worst ways. He always swore to be faithful since he was a kid, hell he was raised as catholic and now he felt shameful because of what he had done. The best he could do was play along because he knew that if Kat ever found out it would be the end of their relationship and the end of Methe.

“I know I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to bother you and it was Mikey’s idea in the first place. I know how you feel about long drives.”

‘Mikey’s idea or not, if you’re actually sorry and not just saying it to get your ass out of trouble, you will cut her off. No more Methe Knox. She’s intoxicating your brain! Literally! What kind of person serves alcohol to an alcoholic!’ In a way Gerard knew she was right, Methe did often condone his drinking but then again it was her job as a bartender.

“I can’t just drop her!” his voice cracked slightly from only just rising from his sleep mere minutes beforehand.

‘It’s me or her Gerard. Choose the right option or we are over.’ And with that, the long beep of the phone signaled that she had hung up before he could get another word in. He knew what he had to do, His relationship with Kat was already Rocky so it was borderline over and he was already infatuated with Methe probably a little too much and after the prior night, there was going to be tension. Sexual tension to be clear.

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When Gerard had returned to his room Methe was sitting on his bed fully awake and dressed. She smiled softly at him and a rose colour tinted her cheeks as she most likely recalled their acts.

“Are you ready to go?” she tapped her index finger and thumb together as her hand rested in her lap.

“Almost, these are from Mikey” Gerard tossed a set of keys onto the bed beside her and disappeared off into the bathroom to completely get ready. A thank you died off on Methe’s tongue, leaving her silent on his bed with her own thoughts. she felt horrible for being a homewrecker, but she didn’t regret her time with him, she wished it could be just the two of them more often and she wondered if Gerard felt the same. 

She wondered if Gerard would tell Kathleen about his infidelity although she didn’t blame him if he didn’t. Kathleen couldn’t just be mad at Gerard it was both of their faults, Methe couldn’t be mad at him either. After all, she had kissed him first.

“Okay, I’m ready now. We just gotta say goodbye to grandma,”  Methe found it cute that Gerard still called his grandmother ‘Grandma’ so she let a small laugh slip from her lips as Gerard appeared from the bathroom fully dressed in tight black jeans and some underground rock band T-shirt. The jeans he wore perfectly hugged at all the right places on his legs, they showed off the contours of his leg muscles and the way they ceremoniously worked together as he took each step. It outlined all of the tones in his legs and perfectly complimented his ass.

The two walked upstairs and into the room when Elena rested, a looming pressure roamed through the air around them. It had felt so normal for Methe to wake up beside Gerard and she had wondered if he felt the same although she knew the chances. However, Methe had hope for the two of them, their friendship at least. She knew nothing romantic would ever officially happen and last, but considering the night they had shared and the fact that Gerard had yet to kick her out or tell her to forget him because he had a girlfriend was enough for Methe’s delusions to convince her everything would go back to normal.

Normal, Normal happened to be not enough for Methe either. For some reason, no matter what peace Methe would make with any possible romantic feelings she had for Gerard they always managed to claw their way back up. Each time she tried to bury them and forget about her feelings for Gerard in order to put his and Kathleen’s relationship before her own wishes, those feeling would just sink their talons deeper into her heart and for some reason her brain too, clouding all of her judgment. 

Not only did those talons dig deeper each time but fear arose each time she would try and bury her feelings for too long, she would always imagine that if she ignored those feelings for too long they would just turn off and as much of a help that would be for Methe to just turn her feelings for Gerard off, that would also include turning all feelings off and leaving her completely numb. She had always told herself she would rather feel something rather than nothing and when she would say something she meant anything. Happiness, sadness, Pain, rage, heartbreak just anything to keep her emotions true and relevant. 

“Oh, Dear! I didn’t realize you would be our guest today or I would have taken the time to bake something for you,” Elena pulled Methe into a hug excitedly and completely naive to the situation at hand. Gerard stood there silently with his hands in the tight Jeans that Methe silently cursed over and over again in her head.

“Oh no, that wouldn’t be necessary Gerard and I were just leaving. Plus I’d hate for you to waste your time, I’m sure you’d have more valuable things to attend too!” She looked to Gerard as if to get him to back her up even though she knew it wasn’t necessary she just wanted Gerard to say something considering he hadn’t muttered a single word for the last five or so minutes since they were in his room.

“Today’s the day I’m leaving to go to… well away” He spoke softly to his grandmother, too scared to even say the word rehab to her but from the look of Elena’s face, she knew.

Methe could tell Gerard cared for his grandmother in a way no one could understand. She thought that maybe this was his way of trying to protect her from the obvious that he was suffering from both his own and his father's doing.

“Oh well, I do hope to see you as soon as you get back…” a tone of what Methe had imagined a grieving mother would use at the loss of her son entered Elena.

“well I’ll let you guys say your goodbyes, I’d hate to intrude” Methe left the room in a hast going back down to Gerard’s room to grab the photo card she had left on the floor of his room and when she arrived back upstairs Gerard was just walking out of the room she was just in to say goodbye to Elena. 

“Can I have Mikey’s Keys, please? I’m going to go get the car started and warmed up for us since it takes a bit of elbow grease to get it started, you know old car and all. I left a small black bag on my desk could you possibly go grab it for me?” Gerard asked her with a soft look in her eyes and all of Methe’s concerns about his opinions of their actions washed away like a flood.

Methe rushed back downstairs to grab the bag Gerard had asked for. Searching for the bag among the scattered drawings she accidentally knocked a small stack off his desk. Not wanting to add to the mess of his room she bent down to pick them up, she peaked at each of the drawings not wanting to invade his privacy but curiosity kills the cat. If that was how the saying even went. 

Each drawing was more magnificent than the one before as she picked each one up. Some of the drawings danced on the page and some sparkled like stars in the sky. Each was enough to stop an art lover’s heart but there was one specifically that made Methe’s heart stop beating for a minute. Or maybe it skipped a beat. Or maybe Methe was going insane altogether, she couldn’t really tell.

It was a intricate grey-leaded drawing of a beautiful woman pouring drinks behind a bar, the woman smiled slightly as her eyes were focused on the drink. Methe’s eyes were focused on the drink. It was her in the drawing, Gerard had been drawing her.

Not wanting to linger for too long Methe searched for and found the bag. On her way out the door she as stopped by the sweet voice of Elena. 

“Dear, before you go may I have a word?” her voice as sweet as lollies.

“Of course, although I do have to be quick Gerard is waiting for me I’m sorry” Methe apologised not wanting to seem as if she was trying to run from the woman.

“Oh, I won’t be long Dear, I just wanted to let you know that what you and Gerard have is special. I can see it in him and yourself, you make each other’s flaws glow like the moon the nights of a full moon.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that…” Doubt was all that filled the room and it came from one person only.

“I’m sure of it, I do hope to see you once Gerard gets back. I believe you’re the key to his sobriety even if you both don’t see it. That being said, you’re welcome here anytime for the duration of his stay at rehab.” Elena placed her aged hand on Methe’s with a sweet smile.

“thank you for the gesture but-“

“I know, I know, now run along. Best not to be late” Elena shooed her out of the room and Methe left the house with the soft click of the door.

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The first hour of the two-hour-long drive mostly consisted of the two sharing stories of their teenage years whilst discussing their favorite comic books. The soft sound of the radio lulled in the background and Methe tapped her fingers on the steering wheel.

“Well, that was a dumb move,” Gerard said in a sour tone, his manner had changed so swiftly as Methe finished telling him a story of how she was caught high on weed in high school. 

Stunned, Methe stuttered, and gaps parted in her mind as she tried to find the right response. 

“Oh well-” she finally began but was cut off when Gerard turned the volume of the radio up playing some crappy new pop song.

Silence was the next forty-five minutes of the car ride leaving Methe to chew her lip and bathe in her thoughts. Gerard’s mood had changed from happily joking to sour in a matter of seconds, reminding her of when he had only recently revealed the traumatic beginning of his alcoholism. The only new difference was that instead of a sad and depressed silence, it was an annoyed and angry silence that prevented Gerard from speaking. analyzing every word she had said leading up to his silence, Methe tried to pick out anything that could have offended him or annoyed him to the extent of silence but came up empty-handed.

Daring to break the silence and daring to ask the unwanted question Methe skated on thin ice. “Are you okay? Did I say something?”

Silence. The ice got thinner…

“Gerard?”

Silence. And thinner…

“Is this about last night?” 

He finally opened his lips to utter a word after his prolonged silence. “No.” just one word. That was all Methe had received leaving her mind spinning, maybe if her mind spun enough, she would realize it was just a dream and wake up warm in Gerard’s bed sleeping comfortably beside him.

“Well then what is it?” Methe begged for answers

“Methe, I don’t think you understand. There is nothing. You didn’t say anything, you didn’t do anything, this has nothing to do with you and there’s nothing between us.” He said as if he had been reading the very thoughts she had attempted many times to bury. Her voice faltered and stammered. 

And the ice went ‘CRACK’.

“what? I- Um- I know that you have a girlfriend and I have no problem with that… it’s just I thought that maybe-” Methe didn’t know what she wanted to say or even what someone should say in the situation she was in. 

“You thought what? That after last night I’d leave Kathleen? Methe your delusions are starting to creep in. Don’t you understand?” Venom spat out melting Methe’s heart and her rationality.

“No Gerard. I do not understand. Tell me how you can make a woman feel like she was the only one in the world and turn around to be an asshole?! Gerard, you are a good person! Where the fuck did you pull this from?” anger built up inside Methe, she was afraid if she didn’t let the anger take over it would be despair and ruin that instead took control of her body and mind.

“How can you not see that it was all a game? I am not a good person, I never said I was! I’m an alcoholic for fucks sake!” His voice raised higher and higher with each sentence. 

Tears brimmed in her eyes at the word ‘Game’ but instead of those tears being cold with sadness they stung her cheeks, hot with anger. Her cheeks were flushed and her ears tipped red in anger as she tried to keep her eyes on the road and not drive them both into a tree.

“Are you fucking serious?! A game?! No, you know what? I don’t believe you. I may have kissed you first last night but you kissed me back! You slept with me and I know it was not because you wanted some doll to play with! I think you hate your life with Kathleen, you hate being with Kathleen and you feel like you can’t escape her! You feel trapped and you needed an escape.” 

“I do not hate Kathleen, I am in love with her and she is in love with me. That is more than anything you and I could ever and will ever have. Maybe you're right, maybe in a moment of weakness I felt like I needed an escape and that is what I used you for, and now that I’ve got what I want it's over Methe. You're playing a game with no path to winning.” The way he worded his sentence added a stab to Methe’s heart with each word. Or maybe it was her back she couldn’t tell, all she knew was she could not wait to return Mikey’s car and go home to never see Gerard’s face again. What truly dug into the centre of Methe’s heart like a bullet of death was the emphasis of ‘Used’. She thought Gerard was beyond that, she thought she knew him, she thought that he could understand her, and she could understand him but now he made it awfully clear to her how wrong she was.

With nothing left to say to Gerard, the car slowly pulled into the parking lot of a grey and white painted brick building. Maybe had Gerard gone to rehab on his own or if Mikey was able to drive him as originally planned, Methe might have felt bad for him but all she could feel for that man was pure hatred. She almost hoped that he failed his sobriety. She swore under her breathe at the horrible thoughts that cursed her conscience. Gerard just grabbed the black bag leaving the car silently aside from the large ‘BANG’ that came when he slammed the door shut with so much force she could feel the shake of the car in her seat.

A deep breathe left Methe’s lungs while she sat in the unmoving car for a few minutes trying to re-collect her thoughts. she was confused as to how everything blew up in the matter of minutes. Maybe there really was nothing between her and Gerard but Methe knew she never wanted to find out.

Chapter Text

A silver-bearded man sat across from Methe as she refilled his glass with a familiar liquid for the third time. He reminded her too much of Gerard, he had the same depressed facial expression, the same slouched back from the weight of the world on his shoulders and he drank the same brown whiskey that gave no real benefits aside from being cheap and high in alcohol content.

She felt Gerard’s absence in the bottom of her heart, she didn’t want to feel it or even acknowledge it. After what he had said to her merely a month prior, she should have wiped his name entirely from her mind however she felt it was almost impossible.

Her shift was due to end soon, her skin itched to get out of the bar although she did manage to find some remorse for Maria who had to stay for the night shift until two in the morning. Methe was scheduled to go see Mrs Lynch in her office once her shift ended to discuss her grade on the photography assignment. She had released their results paired with feedback on the essays and photography pieces however, she was reluctant to let Methe see her own results and suggested a private meeting where they could discuss her results and see where she could go from there.

The thought alone shook Methe’s nerves, wondering if the reason she needed to be spoken to privately about her grade was because of the quality of her work being unsatisfactory or if she had done something completely wrong.

“Eth-ee” She was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of the nickname that only Maria ever used on her.

Perking her head up she looked at Maria with her eyes wide, stress evident on her face. “Aww love, what’s got you so stressed out?” Maria’s face softened towards Methe as she shook a mixer in her right hand.

“Just college sort of stuff, nothing to worry about.” Technically, Methe didn’t lie but she also didn’t share the entire truth. She was close with Maria and loved her as if she was family but in order for Methe to get over Gerard she would have to ignore his existence which slowly became harder and harder because although she was able to ignore him as a person she struggled to ignore his absence.

Her shifts became duller without Gerard’s presence and smile, her shifts dragged on, and dealing with Mr Lloyd slowly became harder and harder.

“Are you sure? Ever since that man hasn’t been coming around, you haven’t been yourself,” Maria wasn’t wrong, Methe hadn’t been herself. She had been wallowing over a lost relationship that she wasn’t even in, the same one she attempted to promise herself not to think about.

“Who?” The upper hand is what Methe needed and by acting as if she didn’t even know who Maria was talking about, she gave herself just that.

“you know, dark hair, hazel eyes, and a pixie-ish nose. I think his name was like Gerad or something?” her thick English accent was prominent in her speech.

“Who?”

“Miss Knox!” Her heart jumped. Methe knew the loud thundering voice that was calling her name, she also knew exactly what would come of the shout of her name from that particular mouth.

Methe swore under her breath, receiving an apologetic expression from Maria. Sighing in slight anger, she tossed her tea towel on the bar bench and pulled at the strings of her waist-apron leaving it on the bench beside her other towels.

“Good luck Eth-ee” Maria offered before tending to the hungry alcoholic customers in front of her.

The swing of the office doors sounded. The black chair in the center spun with an overweight fifty-ish-year-old who wore a crinkled suit and had two days' worth of stubble growing on his face lounging in it.

Mr Lloyd. A nightmare to some and a Savior to those desperate for jobs, those who were like how Methe was once. However, she had finally stopped being naive and seeing him as her Savior. She stopped seeing him as the man who was willing to hire her despite her mountains of debt, she was now seeing Mr Lloyd for who he was. She could now see him as the man who took advantage of young women in desperate need, he was a gross creep who rarely left his office because he knew if anyone witnessed how he treated his female employees he would have to go running with his tail between his legs to avoid his ass getting kicked.

“You took your time, I’m sure you enjoy your time back here with me much more than the scumbags you serve so I’m going to believe Maria held you back” he drawled off.

“You’d be surprised” Methe rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, she knew it was risky being disobedient to Mr Lloyd but he had already cut her hours and she had just begun the search for a better job or paying internship.

“Now that’s no way to speak to me… why don’t you come here and make up for it? You want my forgiveness don’t you?” the hints he was dropping in his sentences were enough to make Methe internally wretch.

“Take a guess.” At the sight of her not budging one bit, Mr Lloyd grew angry quickly. She could practically see the steam coming out if his ears as his face grew red.

“Well. Miss Knox, as you may or may not know your position here has been under review. Since you refuse to comply with the conduct of my establishment and simply ignore basic tasks that I assign you, it has been decided that letting you go would be for the best in order for us to find a more ‘willing’ participant to join our team. Please collect your things and I will see you out. Unless, of course, you're willing to consider other options that may make me lenient to take back my decision” It seemed like he had prepared his entire speech if she didn’t comply with his disgusting acts. Little did he know, however, was that Methe had also come prepared. She knew that with her hours cut if she refused his requests one more time she would either be fired or forced into quitting. So she took the liberty to look into the laws and codes around employment. She figured out that when the bar was established it was written out that he could not fire her on the spot without proof of physical assault or harassment and must provide three weeks' notice to fire someone without evidence of such things.

“I am well aware of my position here, Mr Lloyd. I am also aware of the fact that you, legally have to provide me with three weeks' notice unless I have physically assaulted or harassed you. Now, is this you giving me my three weeks' notice or do I need to give you my three weeks' resignation notice?” In truth Methe didn’t want to have to quit, she needed the money, but three weeks was just enough time to succeed in her search for a new job by just applying to the right employers in desperate times.

“Well, maybe I feel harassed.” He crossed his arms and smirked at Methe, implying that he was going to make a false accusation to ruin her entire career.

“Hmm, and I’m sure people would love to hear about the extracurricular activities you enforce on our breaks. Or maybe they’d love to hear about how you let your underage nephew in here just purely out of love?” She mirrored his expression with a large smirk before he dropped his arms and his smug expression was wiped clean off.

“Whatever, this is your three weeks’ notice. After that, you’re packing your shit and getting out of here, or ill have your ass arrested.”

“Gladly” with a sensual wink, Methe left his office accentuating the sway in her hips to add to her triumph.

All Methe had to do now was to get a new job and say goodbye to Maria. She wasn’t quite sure how long it would take her to do the first thing and the second; she wasn’t sure if she wanted to but maybe if she finally got rid of her horrific job, she’d be free of not only Mr Lloyd but also Gerard who she was so desperate to rid her mind of.

Chapter Text

“Click…click…click” a pen chimed in Methe’s ear whilst she sat outside of Mrs Lynch’s office beside a tall, lanky man. He had a deep black tone to his hair that was kept in a spiked-up style. His thumb dragged down one more time, and Methe’s eyes stayed focused on it while her world slowed down to slow motion.

This final assignment she had done with Gerard was the last thing she needed to pass before she could graduate. Considering she had been called to meet with Mrs lynch, she was now fearing for her degree. She wouldn’t be surprised if it was the analysis essay she had to write that brought her grade down, she struggled to write it on her own because each time she looked back on the photos, tears would prick at her eyes. Her card, which she matched with Gerard, was still in her purse. She didn’t know why she couldn’t bring herself to get rid of it, maybe it was her need to reconcile deep down or maybe it was the regret that etched itself into her chest a lay there to rest. She regretted sleeping with Gerard, she regretted being friends with him, she regretted ever pouring him that first drink, and most of all she regretted ever wanting him.

“Can you please stop?”

“What?” his pale blue eyes watched her own as they connected.

“Your pen. Stop clicking it.” Her own arctic eyes stared into his while she took in his features. He had sharp ones, and a light frown rested at his thick eyebrows. he looked nothing like Gerard yet all the same. They shared the same short, spiked hair yet he was much cleaner and kept. He had piercings, but Gerard did not. But as Methe sat beside him, most definitely giving him an unwelcoming look, she couldn’t help but imagine it was Gerard sitting beside her waiting for the upcoming results.

“Shit, sorry.” He looked back down into his lap seemingly disappointed until he reached his head back up and gave Methe a short smile.

“Andy.”

“What?”

“Ohhhh, I thought we were sticking to the gungy kinda ‘keep it minimal’ vibe… Must’ve read the room wrong.” Her eyes thinned at the smart-arse as he made air quotes with his fingers.

“Methe.”

“What? like the drug?” He looked as though he was struggling to keep from bursting into laughter.

“Ye-” she started but was interrupted by the fragile but stern voice of Mrs Lynch.

“Miss Knox, I’d like to speak with you now.” Not a single hint of uncertainty or regret, Methe wondered if that woman had carried any of the above on her shoulders or if she was just great at masking it.

“Yes, like the drug. Goodbye Andy”

The door had only just softly snicked shut behind Methe when she could faintly hear the obnoxious laugh of the tall, lanky man sitting in the halls. She hoped people were looking at him strangely, thinking he was on drugs or something out of the ordinary.

“Asshole” she softly muttered

“Miss Knox. Please take a seat.”

“Oh, I wasn’t- I’m so sorry I didn’t- …okay” she gave up trying to explain herself with an exasperated sigh and just sat down silently, aimlessly tapping her fingers together in her lap.

Mrs lynch’s knuckles cracked leaking an eerie sound into the atmosphere of the office. Methe swallowed harshly, her eyes began to fog, and her mind began to spin as the panic of claustrophobia set in.

“Do you know why I booked this meeting with you?” She pulled a stack of papers out of a bright pink folder. Many of Methe’s assignments rested on the desk, even ones from her other classes, each one with red ink scribbled across them in what Methe assumed were corrections.

“Umm… I’m guessing it’s because of my assignment” Methe’s voice was barely a whisper while her eyes avoided contact with Mrs Lynch’s but also the picture of Gerard pinned to a piece of paper at the top of the pile.

“Yes, well that’s part of it but it also involves your assignments from your other classes. Your other professors have submitted them to me to receive a second opinion due to the strange quality” Her heart sank. ‘How in the flying fuck am I failing every fucking class? Twenty-six thousand dollars down the drain just to work at some other shitty bar’ While her heart was on the floor, her brain was up in the clouds. Thoughts upon thoughts floated alongside her mind.

“Mrs. Lynch, I know you’ve already done so much for me, and I understand that my recent assignments haven’t been the best quality but I’m willing to blame that on some outside factors so if there is anything I can do to up my grade I will do it to the best of my ability.” The nervous tension on her face clashed with the confusion on Mrs Lynch’s. Her burning orange brow hairs were pulled into a tight frown with white hairs of age peeking through.

“Oh Dear, there was absolutely nothing wrong with them. I’m sorry if I mislead you but these works are in fact the best that the professors at SVA have seen in a very long time. The quality of the productions both in film and photography is phenomenal. Not to mention the fact that while the quality of your practical work is of the best, your theory work has surpassed the standards we hold here.”

The words slowly took their time sinking into Methe’s brain one by one. She couldn’t believe anything she was hearing, and she certainly was taking a long time to process it. She bit her cheek to prevent herself from losing her cool due to the severe euphoria she was experiencing. “Are you serious? Thank you, this means so much to me. You scared the living shit out of me, sorry for the language.”

“Sorry about that Dear, now to get to the point. As you may know, each year ‘HIS’ productions donate thousands and thousands of dollars to this college which intern allows us to provide them with a selected few students to be chosen from and offered a position in their company. Over the past few weeks, a member of their company, David I believe, has been reviewing the works of three selected students yourself being one of them and just two days ago, we received word that they would be delighted to have you work with them for the foreseeable future. Congratulations Miss Knox, you ought to be proud of yourself”

“Are you fucking kidding me?! Me?! Why me?! How?! Holy shit!? Thank you!” Methe stood up in a burst, no longer able to contain herself.

“They would like you to start working with them in the next few months. In the meantime, I will send them your email and other details so they can contact you on their own accord”

Methe had just been offered the opportunity of a lifetime, she could finally make a name for herself. Hollywood didn’t seem so far away, she’d be able to work on movies, music videos, Televison shows, essentially anything and none of it was too far out of her reach once and for all.

Chapter Text

Balancing three hot coffees on a drink tray and a smartphone on Methe’s shoulder as she walked through the streets of New York was a challenge. She was collecting the morning coffees for David, Joseph, and Allie like she did every other day whilst trying to fit a quick phone call in to wish Mikey a Happy twenty-first birthday for the previous day. She had finally graduated college with flying colors and two degrees, one in Cinematography and Filmography and the other in social and Media studies. Every few months she now received new projects where she would work endlessly to earn each dollar that went towards her paychecks.

The name ‘Methe Knox’ wasn’t known though. The projects she would be sent on would just be small photography assignments or the media management end of the company which didn’t bother Methe as much as she thought it would. It would be a multiple-year-long process to get to where she wanted to be. She was happy to crawl over each step with bloody hands and knees until she got her dreams. She had spent too long-suffering in the shadows, too long allowing others to step on her and look down on her whilst she just agreed, and she had spent too long waiting. If she wanted something she had learned that she would need to work for it and take it, not sit around and wait for it to curl up in her lap like a sleeping cat.

“Mikey! Hey! I know it's early, but I couldn’t catch you last night. Happy birthday to you for yesterday!” Cars honked in the background disturbing her light-hearted message but it didn’t make the smile on her face falter.

“No, it’s okay, it’s good to hear from you Eth-ee. How has working at ‘H.I.S’ been?” his voice was croaky, expected though since it was – Methe looked at her silver watch - eight-thirty in the morning.

“Oh, it’s been great, just doing some media work and small projects before I get into the big leagues ya’ know?” dodging people on the crowded streets slowly became harder and harder for Methe as she got closer and closer to the center of the city.

“Ahh, yeah that makes sense. You’ll make it someday; trust me I believe in you” his added faith just boosted Methe’s ambition and her mood.

“Well thank you, Mikes, it nice to know you’ve got my back. Anyways how was the birthday?” Mikey and Jamia had stuck with Methe through everything, they were like brothers and sisters to her. Jamia helped her get over the ruination caused by Gerard considering she couldn’t bring herself to tell Mikey about how she slept with his brother. If he knew as she spoke to him at that point? Who knows, but what mattered was that he was still there for her even when he didn’t know what was going on.

The fuelled hum of an engine began to sound in the distance, but Methe thought nothing of it, she was in New York after all. Cars, Trains, Buses, Trucks, Planes, and even Boats on the rivers were no strangers to the ‘Big Apple’.

“It was great, Gerard took me out clubbing, well more like I went clubbing whilst he sat with about four girls on his lap. To be honest, though clubbing isn’t as great-” Mikey kept speaking and the sound of him mentioning Gerard chipped at her slightly but what made that chip turn into a crack that gushed out fear and adrenaline was the loud plane engine.

“What the fuck? Sorry Mikey it’s just this plane… it's so low to the ground… and it’s not slowing down…” Realization dawned on Methe. The plane wasn’t going to stop, the plane wasn’t just flying low. It was headed straight for the World Trade Center.

The plane stuck. A massive bang blared in Methe’s ears, that bang turned into a ringing. Debris came crashing out of the tower. Methe was a good six blocks away from the tower but still got a perfect view of the horrific events. She stood there frozen, the coffee in the tray in her hands slipped and crashed to the ground. Scolding hot coffee splashed on her thigh, boiling the skin in came in contact with but Methe barely noticed it. She just stood there. Phone in hand, her eyes mesmerized by terror. She couldn’t look away, her head couldn’t wrap around what was happening. 

“What was that? Are you okay? Methe?” Mikey’s voice became more panicked over the phone.

“I’m sorry Mikey, I’ve got to go. Turn on the TV or radio, just turn on something and listen.” With that, she abruptly hung up the phone and tried to ring David. 

It went to voice mail. 

She tried to ring Joseph. It went to voice mail. 

She rang Allie. 

“Methe?! Are you okay?! Where are you?!”

“I was doing the coffee run! I’m fine, are you?” she picked up her pace which went from her walking to running.

“Yeah, I’m okay but Joseph had an appointment at the tower that was just hit! He won’t pick up the phone! I don’t know what to do!” Methe could hear the tears bubbling out of the girl’s eyes as she sobbed.

“Just go home, see your family. I’m going to try to find David!” she was shouting due to the adrenaline but also due to the echoing screams.

“No! No! Methe! You must go home too! See your family! David will make it I’m sure of it! The office isn’t close enough to the world trade centre!” Allie begged Methe but she wouldn’t listen and just hung up. 

Running towards her workplace she was pushed and pulled in different directions by the crowds storming down the streets away from the tower.

The familiar roaring sound of a second engine tore through the winds of sound. Methe was in the center of the road, cars parked at all angles and directions.

 A second plane. All hell. Times two. 

Methe’s ears rang, and the world went silent. People shoved at Methe’s shoulders, but her feet stayed planted, and she remained where she was. Her head was tilted towards the towers as she just watched the terrors unfold. The first tower had erupted in flames at the top, and Methe could see debris falling from the windows. Though it was falling quite strangely to be debris, it didn’t take long for it to click in Methe’s head.

Tears fell from her face as people fell. 

People were jumping as if they would survive that any better than the blazing fires above. 

The towers were burning but the emergency services were on their way to save the people stuck. They were going to survive; they were going to be okay. That is what Methe was chanting in her head like a little mantra at least.

That was until the most heart-wrenching sound rumbling in the air. The ground shook, the screams worsened, and the first tower crumbled under its own weight.

The first tower. 

North.

Gone.

The same rippling, burning, blood-curdling sound. The crumbling of lives. The crumbling of people’s loved ones, the crumbling of people’s jobs, and the crumbling of New York. All Methe could do was watch.

The second tower.

South.

Gone.

Everyone.

Gone.

Someone wrapped their arms around the shocked body of Methe and dragged her away. Her eyes didn’t leave the tower – what remained of them – as her neck strained at the angle, which she had it turned on.

“We gotta get you out of here, home.” The voice of David rumbled close to her ear.

Something in Methe’s mind hoped it was Gerard. The traumatic event had left her needing the one thing she didn’t want.

[][][][][][][][][][][]

Heat clammed to Methe’s skin, and sweat rained down from her forehead while her chest erratically rose and fell. For the first time in months, Methe had a nightmare. The same one that had become a frequent occurrence up until the recent new year. Her brain replayed the events that left her in shambles just two years and seven months ago. Initially, the images of the bodies falling from the towers would play on repeat behind her eyes like a broken record.

Clearing her head, Methe brushed her freshly dyed navy blue hair. Over the years she was commonly known by her friends for dying her hair every month or so. It had gone as far to earn her a common nickname of ‘Fry’ around the office as it very easily fit the state of her hair.

From the outside, aside from her hair, Methe hadn’t changed much. She had the same style, same personality, and same face. Some could consider her a vampire but of course, that wasn’t true.

Methe made her way to the ‘HIS’ productions establishment in New York City carrying three hot coffees. It felt like she was just repeating that same moment of terror over again like déjà vu, the only difference being that the third coffee was for herself and not Joseph. He died that day but was always remembered in Methe’s and everyone else’s hearts.

“Fry! You’re here! Is this for me?” Allie asked her as Methe stepped into the reception hall. Methe and Allie had grown close after the fall of the Twin Towers, it was almost like the event brought them closer through their trauma and were now inseparable.

“Of course it is, so what am I in for today? What mood is the big man in?” She sipped on her own coffee as she leaned on the edge of Allie's desk.

“I’m not sure and I hate to do this and send you in blind, but David was actually asking for you…”

“Lucky, Lucky me. I got him coffee; his ass better be in a good mood or I might just smack the shit outta' him!” Skipping past Allie's desk, Methe made her way up the elevator and hit the button of the top floor and to David’s office.

There was only a moment between her knocking on the door and David swinging the door wide open and asking her to take a seat.

“If I give you this coffee will you tell me on a scale of 1-10 how much I’ll enjoy this conversation?” She handed him the large cup of steaming coffee which he gladly took a sip of.

“Nope. But thanks for the coffee.” He popped the ‘P’ jokingly which at least told Methe that he was in a good mood that morning.

“Bastard”

“What was that?”

“Oh, kind sir, I was just speaking under thine breath to thy self about how thou is a bastard. This means that said speech was not intended for thou ears.” The ‘Old English’ in Methe’s sentence was so far off being correct that David just laughed it off before taking a pen out of his hair that was tied into a scraggy man bun at the back of his head.

“Sit down Fry, a little chat between us is due.” He kept his voice calm and kept a light-hearted tone in his voice while he repeated his question which soothed any nerves jumping the gun. Tapping her fingers in her lap, Methe sat down silently with a slight smile still present on her face. 

“Alright, so of course as you know, over the past few years you have been very devoted to our firm here.” He began calmly sorting through papers on his desk as he looked down.

“You have climbed the ranks in our socials and media department, but I think it is now time that we bring you over into a film department. I mean it is very long overdue.”

“Are you joking?” She asked.

“No. we have been hired by the manager of a band; his name is Brian Schechter I believe. We are going to be filming a documentary day-in-the-life sort of thing, and I have decided that you are the best fit for the job. You are going to essentially live with them for the next five months, May through to September.”

“Seriously?! Thank you so much! Wait…what band?” 

‘Holy shit! Touring! With a band! What if they are famous, like imagine if it was Green Day?’

“Nothing too serious, just some band from New Jersey. They signed with Eyeball Records and are coming out with their second album; that’s why they want this filmed.” He continued yet still failed to answer her question.

“Soo…? Dummy who is it?”

“Do you ever forget I’m your boss and could literally fire you any second?” he raised an eyebrow at Methe who just sat there smiling.

“Nope, Never, and no sir you cannot. Three weeks’ notice, remember? Now. Spill” She narrowed her eyes thoroughly at David.

“My Chemical Romance.”

‘Huh? So no Green Day?’

“See wasn’t that hard now was it sweety? Anyways I’ll be off” Methe went to hop out of her chair before David leaned over the desk and grabbed her hand in one swift movement, stopping her from leaving. Slightly shocked that he made such a sudden movement, Methe sat back down quietly.

“You have to sign this contract before I can officially assign you to the job.” He handed her a small booklet and a pen which she briskly went through.

- By signing this formal agreement contract, you are agreeing to live and act as a part of the band. You are to film an honest recording of the life you will be living from May through to September. You are to attend every single show and stay with the band members of ‘My Chemical Romance’ on both their tour bus and when they are in hotels. When declared by the manager, Brian Schechter, personal days will be allowed where you can do as you, please however it is highly suggested you stay with the band at all chances. To withdraw from this project, YOU MUST pay compensation to both ‘My Chemical Romance’ and H.I.S based on how much profit is expected to be generated from the documentary. {$105,000} – 

Without thinking much Methe Scribbled her name across the dotted line and sold her soul to the devil. 

What could go wrong? 

Chapter Text

[] Methe’s POV (first person) []

My suitcase was ready to burst at the seams while I dragged it behind me. It was the day I was supposed to meet the band I was filming with for work. My navy blue hair matched the outfit I had selected for the day; a black and blue plaid skirt with a white button-up blouse and classic high-top converse shoes. To accessorize I had two bows in my hair at the beginning of the two ponytails I tied it up into as well as a plastic black stretch choker that every girl and their mums wore.

I waited out the front of a train station for the guitarist of the band who was ten minutes late to pick me up. The man’s name was Ray and judging based on the information I had received from David; He was extremely talented and the quieter one of the band members. I wasn’t sure who else the band consisted of, I knew there were five guys (Four from New Jersey and one from Chicago) however I didn’t know much else. David had briefed me about Ray since he was the one picking me up and I hadn’t listened to any of their music so I could go into the project with a clear mind and fresh opinions even if it had no effect on the quality of the product. Any time I came across their CDs in a store I just skipped straight passed them or if their songs came on the radio I’d change the station.

A giant white van slowly came to a stop in front of me with an enclosed trailer that followed closely. Unexpectedly, two people exited the van; One with a curly, light brown afro and the other with deep cherry red hair exited the car. 

“Methe!!! Surprise!” Jamia embraced me with a hug. I was not expecting her one bit, nor did I know why she was there, let alone with Ray.

“The fuck? Why are you here?”

“Well, so you remember the guy I was telling you about that plays guitar?” when I had told her about the project that I was assigned to, she had told me that she had begun dating a guy who played guitar, but I never got a name. Though she essentially answered that question for me just then.

“Ohhh, so you and Ray are…?” 

“Oh God no! Sorry Ray-Ray! Frank is the rhythm guitarist in ‘My Chemical Romance’, Ray is the lead guitarist and one of Frank’s boyfriends essentially.” Ray stepped forward towards me with his hand out which I gladly shook introducing myself.

“I’m Ray, it's nice to meet you, Methe. Sorry about the confusion…and for being late.” He scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment and smiled softly.

“Where do you want this?” I asked hinting towards my suitcase.

“Just in the back, here let me show you” Ray led me to the back of the trailer and opened the door carefully to reveal a small cavity in the tightly packed space just big enough for my suitcase. I heard Jamia’s voice call for him at the front of the van asking for help while I played Tetris with my suitcase and the trailer. Ray made sure I was alright before he left to help Jamia which was very sweet of him.

As softly as I could I shut the trailer and locked it up before I headed to where Ray and Jamia were. “Do not say a word, He ruined her even if she won’t admit it. It's best if she doesn’t know for as long as- Methe! Let’s get this show on the road” I overheard Jamia talking to Ray about someone in a hush-hush voice, although I wasn’t sure who and didn’t want to press it so I just hopped into the back seat and buckled myself in ready to go.

“Wait so Jamia are you staying with us throughout the tour?” I honestly prayed she would be. The project was a great opportunity for my career but staying with five men minimum who I didn’t know would have its downsides.

“Oh no, I’m just here for tonight’s show while they are still in New York and then you are all on your lonesome. My deepest sympathy goes to you though if it helps.” I was sure I’d survive as the only girl, with no friends straight up and no one to complain to when the boys inevitably annoyed the piss out of me anyway.

[][][][][][][][][][][]

“Eth-ee?”

“Mikey? What the fuck?” Mikey was clutching his arms around me in a tight hug within seconds. It turned out he was the bassist of My Chemical Romance which surprised me considering I already knew Jamia, but I just rounded it up to it being a small world. 

I was sitting on the edge of the stage in a small theatre bar that rested in the outer suburbs of New York. Jamia sat beside me dangling her legs over the side facing where the audience would be beside me whilst Mikey and Ray tuned their instruments. He had his typical, curly hair falling over his forehead into his eyes ‘how he could see? No idea. Don’t ask me.'. He was rather tall with brown eyes, slight stubble along his jaw, and the overall looks of someone who belongs in a band.

Jamia had introduced me to her new boyfriend, Frank, he had dyed black hair that had a long fringe swept to the side. Leftover eyeliner that looked as though it hadn’t been cleaned off in days perpetually remained on his eyes. He was shorter than Jamia, well everyone, by a long shot but that didn’t make his ego lack anything. His ego would be able to make up for literally everyone else’s ego and he would still have an overly inflated one.

Mikey looked no different since the last time I had seen him which in truth was only two months ago at maximum. He still wore the same nerdy glasses which suited his quiet personality. His hair was slightly longer but he was still the same tall, lean, Star Wars and superhero-obsessed boy.

I hadn’t formally met the drummer, but I had seen him around, I knew his name was Bob from the others’ explanations. He had blonde hair that was long at the top a black lip ring that stood out against the pale skin, blue eyes, and a blonde five o’clock shadow across his face.

The one person I was still yet to meet or even know the name of was the lead singer. Every time I asked anyone anything about him, I didn’t get any information aside from the fact that he was running late. That however was not unusual for him. I found it strange in all honesty, but I also thought of the possibility that they were just being considerate for him and were letting him make his first impression that I’d base my opinion on.

“Shit sorry I’m late fellas’! had to stop by the liquor store with Brian” A familiar voice brought dread, shame and the same hint of heartbreak into my chest. I felt the color from my face drain and my smile fall which apparently was obvious to those around me because everyone immediately looked at me for my opinion as I turned around to face the one and only.

Gerard. 

“Not. Fucking. Happening.” 

“Nice to see you too.” I crossed my arms as I composed myself as much I could before I let the anger and irritation take control. He had no right to be mad about the fact that I was here. HE was the one who shoved me away, HE was the one he insulted me, HE was the one who humiliated me, and HE thought he had the right to be mad? Not. A fucking. Chance.

“Stop lying to yourself sugar. We all know you don’t want to spend a single fucking second around me.” His eyes were droopy. His posture was slouched more than usual, even with his scoliosis. His body swayed left to right slowly. He was drunk. I thought he had gotten sober the day I left him at rehab but not or at least not for long. 

He was right about one thing though. I didn’t want to spend a single second around him, not even for my job.

I looked around to scope out everyone else’s reactions to the stand-off between Gerard and I, but everyone was either just watching intently with caution or avoiding all forms of eye contact.

“Jam? Did you know about this?” I prayed that she would lie to me. I prayed she would tell me she didn’t know that she wasn’t hiding him from me. But of course, she knew about this, she was dating Frank. I’d have been a fool to believe otherwise. She neglected to tell me that the man I despise most in the whole fucking world was one of the selected five I had to spend five months with.

“I’m so sorry Methe, I wanted to tell you I promise I just knew that-” I couldn’t and wouldn’t hear any more of her explanations. She knew of how I felt towards Gerard, and she knew of the incident yet…well this. 

“No, it’s fine. I completely understand.” 

“I’m going to go find fucking Brian” Gerard announced to everyone with the unnecessary profanity. Everyone seemed used to it which just made me wonder if Gerard was always in the same sour drunk mood he was in when he entered.

“I’ve got to Uhhh, make a phone call… yeah make a phone call, I’ll be two seconds,” I announced to everyone shortly after Gerard left while brushing off my skirt to straighten it out and hopefully straighten out my own thoughts.

Once I was outside of the venue I dialled David’s number with a shaky hand. My anger climbed a degree with each ring that went by without him answering. It wasn’t his fault; I couldn’t blame him since he didn’t know about my history with Gerard or even Mikey, but I couldn’t help but feel at least a little bit done over by him.

“Greetings.” finally he picked up his phone and answered with his typical outdated greeting. The chirpyness of his voice for some reason just made my anger boil just that much more.

“David! I can’t continue with this project. No, I will not continue with this project. I’m sorry but no” it was true. I could not continue with the project. Spending any amount of time with Gerard was a horrible idea.

“What why? You’ve only spent less than a day with the band, I chose you for this project for a reason Methe.” He reiterated the trust he put in me, he picked at the stitches that held my emotions together and let the guilt flow.

“I-I just can’t. I have a history with the lead singer and not a good one I’m sorry! I don’t want it to affect the quality of the film and not to mention it will not be enjoyable for anyone.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Methe. You’re an adult, you can do this. Plus, your opinions of the band won’t have too much of a drastic effect on the work if you just get the required recording, you will be fine. I mean a positive relationship with the members would have surely been beneficial, but we can work around this, maybe it’s time you two make amends.” 

“No, you don’t understand David, we can’t work around this or make amends. How do I get someone to replace me?” I sounded desperate, I felt desperate. I was just one step away from getting down on my knees and begging him to replace me.

“Did anyone ever teach you to read everything before you sign it? You must pay $105,000 to compensate for the expected profits between H.I.S and My Chemical Romance.” I almost choked at the sound of the sum of money. No, no one had taught me to read anything before signing it, but I knew of the risks. I was being naive when I signed that contract. I only thought about the opportunities it could open for me. I silently cursed myself for having such bad luck and no common sense.

“Your fucking kidding me. Tell me you're joking, this isn’t funny. How am I supposed to afford that? I’ve still got a couple of grands worth of debt to pay off from college.” I prayed to the gods that he was joking no matter how horrible a joke it would have been.

“If you can’t afford it, you’ll do this for us. Methe, I chose you for a reason. Don’t let me down. Goodbye.” He hung up before I could say anything else. I just sighed and leaned against the wall with a newly lit cigarette between my lips taking in how miserable the next five months were going to be for myself and essentially anyone around. Now that David had specifically said he was counting on me and asked me not to let him down I felt so much more pressure than the sum of money to continue with the film. I knew there was no way in hell I’d be able to pay that much money anyway.

Chapter Text

Methe felt like she was doing the walk of shame almost when she returned to the stage area inside the venue. Her head was held low, her feet dragged along the hardwood floors making slight scraping sounds with each step.

Gerard had still not returned to the group which Methe was very grateful for. She took a seat on a chair nearby Mikey who sat with his bass in his lap and his eyes on her. She avoided all forms of interaction with Jamia, she was too angry and annoyed at her to have a sound conversation. She worried that if she spoke to Jamia she would say something she would regret and ultimately end their friendship.

Jamia was one problem for Methe and ignoring Gerard was another but her next problem was Mikey. He knew nothing of her affair with Gerard in the Autumn of the year two thousand. She almost felt hypocritical for keeping him in the dark about her relationship with Gerard just as Jamia had kept her in the dark about Gerard. Both Mikey and Jamia were her best friends, and she couldn’t imagine going through this without them, she planned to eventually sort things out and reconcile the differences between her and Jamia and the impending ones with Mikey, but she had no plans or desires to forgive Gerard.

“When were you going to tell me you were in a band Mikey? This is so fucking sick!” she tried her best to sound as cheerful as possible. The best thing she could do was ignore the awaiting problems with Gerard and enjoy the moment while he was off doing God knows what.

“I don’t know, when are you gonna tell me about why you and Gerard hate each other so much?” The toxicity in his voice shocked Methe. They had small spills during their few years of friendship but no major fights so the new tone he had adapted was completely foreign to her. 

Gerard and Mikey were as close as anyone could be. Gerard did and would do anything for Mikey and Vies versa so it was no surprise to Methe that he would be mad about her lack of informing him but not to the levels of anger he was expressing at that moment. 

“I’m sorry Mikey I really am, I should have told you sooner, but I guess I can’t put it off anymore.” Methe apologized as they walked out into an empty hallway. It was time she told him what happened, his reaction being negative or not it had come to the point where it was inevitable that he’d find out. 

“Yes, you should have told me sooner so explain now.” He was blunt and infuriated, yet he still had a soft and sweet background to his tone. That was just Mikey though, no matter how much he tried he couldn’t scare anyone off.

“Okay, I’ll just go from the start. Gerard used to come into the bar I worked at all the time and we started running into each other when I wasn’t working then he offered to help out with my project so we were naturally hanging out together on our days off and then I needed to take him to rehab for you and I had to stay over but by then I definitely had feelings for him and apparently they were reciprocated but we didn’t act on them because he was still with Kat. Well until we did, and we ended up sleeping together the night before I took him to rehab, and then on the way he basically told me I meant nothing to him and that he never wanted to see me again.”

Methe’s voice slightly started to crack because it was the first time she had rehashed the story since she explained the issue to Jamia. It felt like she had just re-opened a scabbed-over wound and was letting it gush everywhere.

“Okay that’s a lot, but I guess I asked for it. Why didn’t you tell me?” He stood there in the stark empty hall with his arms crossed and the faint lights creating shadows over his face making his glasses look large and ‘Nerdy’.

“Isn’t it obvious? He’s your brother, he humiliated me, and I home-wrecked a relationship.” Her voice was still on the edge of a cliff but that didn’t stop her from admitting to her humiliation. At this point, she would do anything to save her and Mikey’s friendship.

“Okay, first; he’s my brother and you are my best friend, but you guys were friends before I came into the picture. Second, Gerard is an asshole; I love him to the ends of the bloody earth, but I know what he can be like. He makes decisions for others when he is trying to help but those are usually the wrong choices so that humiliation, that humiliation shouldn’t be there. Lastly, I’m surprised he didn’t leave Kat sooner for you. Their relationship was always on the rocks and Kat was always with a different guy while they were together. I don’t condone cheating, but this case isn’t the worst of them.”

His dismissal of Methe’s actions shook her. He dismissed her wrongdoings in such a quick manner that she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It wasn’t supposed to be that easy to win his forgiveness back, she was ready for someone to come out with a camera jumping and screaming about it being a prank and Mikey would go back to being extremely pissed at her.

“Mikey, I don’t think you’re listening. I Slept with Gerard while he was still in a relationship! I home wrecked your brother’s relationship! You shouldn’t be talking about this as if you're completely unbothered.” Methe reiterated what happened to Mikey as if he didn’t hear her the first time or understand, and she needed to emphasize the severity. 

“You're right. I am bothered by what you did, what both of you did, and yes, I am quite pissed at you for fucking my brother, but it happened nearly four years ago. There is no point for me to wallow over it now and the same for you. Maybe it’s time to let go of some of your grudges.” Mikey admitted but also tried to convince Methe to forgive Gerard, the same thing that David tried to convince her to do. That was exactly NOT what she wanted to do, she wanted to ignore Gerard's existence for the rest of her life.

“No. some grudges, I’m not willing to let go of. Nor should I” Methe crossed her arms and tapped her fingers against her elbow while she closely examined his facial features to gauge his reaction before he said anything next.

“Well, I’m assuming you couldn’t get out of this considering you are still here so whether you forgive Gerard or not, you are going to be stuck in a van with him for the next five months. Your my friend are going to have to keep things civil or we are all going under.” Sometimes Methe swore to the gods for making Mikey so correct all the time. 

That moment. That was one of those moments.

Methe just grunted and walked off back into the main event room to avoid admitting Mikey was right. He followed her close behind and when they returned, they found that Gerard too was back in the event room and was looking as sour as ever. Methe was almost certain it was because he couldn’t get Methe off the project.

Methe found her place in a seat beside Jamia where her camera bag rested. She figured if there was no way of getting out of the project she may as well do a good job and make it worth her while. She took out a black Canon camera that she treated with more respect and care than she did to herself. She walked around the venue and took a recording from her own point of view touring the stage area. She walked by each band member who all responded in their own individual ways. Bob hid away from the camera, asking to not be filmed too much as he was camera shy which Methe completely understood and respected his wishes. Frank perfectly displayed his extremely chaotic and hyperactive personality by jumping in front of the camera with his tongue stuck out far and rock symbols presented on his hands. Methe laughed at this, even with the looming presence of Gerard she couldn’t help but enjoy his company and prayed she could find refuge in a friendship with him over the next multiple months.

Mikey scrunched his face and stuck out his tongue which Methe was sure would satisfy any fans of their band if the footage was released. Ray gave Methe and the camera a large Toothy grin. His curly hair was still falling over his face so even with the quality of the camera and the large smile, it was hard to see his expression. The last person she came across was Gerard. In one quick thrust, his calloused hands launched out and shoved her camera down before she could catch any footage of him. She just rolled her eyes and moved on. She expected the same type of behavior for a little while.

After getting just a brief tour video of her first concert that she would be attending with the band she put her camera away to let the band breathe for their scheduled sound check. 

Outside, the wind blew with a soft whistle as Methe excited the building in need of another cigarette. She leaned against the brick wall and held a silver Zippo lighter to the white and orange stick that sat between her lips. White haze swirled out of Methe’s mouth and flowed with the wind until it dispersed out of sight. Methe just watched as the smoke swirled, mesmerized, she was able to clear her head as her thoughts floated away with the smoke in the wind.

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The crowd cheered with great excitement as ‘My Chemical Romance’ ran out onto the stage. They had gathered a crowd of at least one hundred that night. Luckily the venue was large enough to cater to the crowd even if most considered it a small one for a concert. There were teenage girls and boys cheering for the boys. The band wasn’t huge yet, but they had slowly collected a decent-sized fan base. 

‘If only they knew’ 

Methe recorded some of their reaction to the band's entrance from the side of the stage. The crowd was right up to the stage their hands all over it, ready to be stepped on at any moment. Gerard had changed into a homemade shirt that said “Thank you for the venom” on it with his typical skinny jeans and his now long, black, and greasy hair that was in desperate need of a wash. Over the top of his shirt, he had a crusted leather jacket that was clearly doing something to the crowd. And Methe. 

He began to Jump across the stage like a madman as he sang or more so screamed the lyrics to each of the songs from their first and only album that had been released “I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love”. As he moved with devout energy, emotions poured out of him through his lyrics. Methe was inclined to be sucked into the whirlpool he created, his face contorted with strong emotion. His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes were tightly squeezed shut as he sang the lyrics from one of his songs. Demolition Lovers. 

Methe was able to assume that he had written the song for Kat. She wasn’t sure if they were still together or what she thought of the song but what she did know was that he lied in the song lyrics. 

She watched Gerard through the screen of her camera while he screamed his heart out. His hands clutched the microphone with such force that his fingers turned white. The lights above his head created shadows across the features of his face making him look like a mourning angel. Methe looked away from the screen to get a breather from the sight in her camera before she began to admire him.

“To let you know how much you mean to me” Gerard sang with passion and Ray backed him up alongside Frank with their angelic vocals. Gerard Made eye contact with Methe, his eyes were glassy and wet but not like the kind he had when he was drunk. He was on the brink of crying and Methe could see past the rockstar persona and alcohol. He looked away in the snap of a second answering Methe’s question about his and Kat’s relationship. 

“I want to show you that you’re the only one” He ended up on his knees in the centre of the band looking up at the ceiling. Flashbacks of the photoshoot that they did together flickered in Methe’s mind, she could practically hear the boiling whistle of her anger. Kat was not ‘The only one’. She was probably one of many much like Methe. 

Gerard was lying to everyone in the crowd. All the people screaming the lyrics along with him believing each syllable, were being lied to.

[][][][][][][][][][][]

It was the end of their gig and the guys were piling into the van ready to make their way to the next show in Stanton. Methe began to climb into the side of the van when something clawed at her own hand, launching her back in surprise. Methe expected to find Gerard being a salty little shit once again but was instead met with Jamia who immediately began rambling. 

“I know you don’t want to speak to me right now but I’m not going to have us not see each other for a few months and be on shitty terms. Not on my watch at least.” Her face was riddled with the stress that came paired with the possibility of losing her best friend to a fight.

Methe avoided eye contact. She kept her eyes trained on the busy, late-night road just past Jamia’s shoulder until she moved to the left, blocking Methe’s view of the road and forcing her to connect their eyes.

“It’s fine Jam, it was just a lot to process at first. We’re good don’t worry, I’ve just gotta figure out how I’m gonna survive the next few hours in the car.” Methe chuckled slightly but slowly silenced herself as she began to realize what really waited for her. 

“Are you sure? Call me if you need someone to vent to about that wanker” Jamia placed a comforting hand on Methe’s arm with a small smile. It was obvious who she was referring to when she said wanker, there was only one asshole.

“I’m sure, I’ll call you tomorrow morning, but I should get going before someone cracks the shits at me for holding them up.” With a small wave, Methe spun around and ducked her head into the van, and climbed over the laps of Bob and Mikey to the only free seat between Frank and Gerard.

Frank was sprawled out on his chair, lazing with his face in the corner of the wall and his chair with his eyes closed to get some sleep. Gerard on the other hand was squished up into the corner as if he couldn’t get far enough away from Methe.

The van stunk of the worst kinds of sweat. Methe had to fight herself from gagging every time Frank rolled around in his seat to get comfortable and would accidentally suscept her nose to haines scents. She wasn’t sure how she was going to survive the next five months based on the scent alone.

[][][][][][][][][][][]

Methe woke up in a hurry when someone shoved her harshly in the shoulder as if she was just a rag doll. Her eyes snapped open with her now sore neck pressed up against Frank and an angry-looking Gerard beside her. It wasn’t hard to tell that it was Gerard who had pushed her, but Methe was taking a second longer to process it considering she had just woken up.

His arms were crossed tightly to his chest almost like he was trying to tell her that he was pissed but couldn’t think of anything worse than talking to her. His hair was just as greasy and sweaty as the day before and the stink still packed enough of a punch to knock out a horse.

“Huh? What was that for?” her voice croaked, her eyes squinted at the morning sun while she stretched as much as she could without disturbing Frank or the Beast beside her.

“You were laying on me and shit. I wasn’t having it.” He had a tight scowl on his face as if he were a lion trying to look tough and roaring.

“What? So you shoved me? Why couldn’t you have just woken me up?” Methe asked leaning up, so she was no longer using Frank as a headrest who gladly interjected into the conversation with the same hyperactive and ‘goofy’ personality he somehow always kept up.

“Have you met Gerard? Well, you clearly have, but like it’s Gerard. He’s too much of a moody and woeful kinda guy to do that.” Frank clearly joked but Gerard was not having it and sent a threatening look his way. Though Frank didn’t back down rather he just smiled brighter. 

Out the window, a purple, red, and yellow sky floated above. It looked as if it came from another world with slight sparkles left over from the hiding stars of the night. Clouds danced across the sky creating mesmerizing shadows and the sun hid just at the horizon as it slowly rose.

Methe took her camera out from its bag which sat just below her feet along with littered rubbish from the boys. She began to film outside of the window with Frank lazing in the corner of the screen, she then turned to camera around to capture the living style at the beginning of their tour.

Mikey had swapped with Ray and was now in the driver's seat as he waved to the camera through the rearview mirror. Ray turned over his seat to peek over the top of the chair and say hi to the camera while Bob just huddled into his seat to avoid the camera. Methe avoided filming Bob as much as possible out of respect but once she got to Gerard the usual scowl that was present on his face quickly switched to the same smile that used to light up Methe’s world before it all crumbled.

She stopped recording quickly letting Gerard’s smile fall and for relief to wash over her. The presence of his smiles scared her. He ruined her and she had only just finished building herself back up. 

She packed the camera away quickly tucking it under her seat in its protective bag. When she sat back up properly Gerard was staring at her, his eyes flicked over her face like he didn’t realize she was now staring right back at him. His eyes searched her for something, Emotions? Thoughts? Actions? Any possible weapons she may use against him?

He was quickly removed from his trance and switched back to his usual state of hatred. “Do you really have to keep shoving that in our faces?” it was a dumb question. He knew why she was there, that it was all a part of her job, and that she didn’t want to be there any more than he wanted her there yet he still asked it.

“Yes, I do. Your manager was the one who hired me. If it wasn’t my job I’d still be in New York, far away from you, and perfectly happy might I add.” Methe tried her best to seem strong and unaffected by Gerard and his sour tone. 

“Do you guys like, or hate each other? I mean what even happened between you two?” Bob turned around and poked his head above his seat to look at Methe and Gerard who both grumbled “Nothing” in sync with one another making them look at each other in the eyes before Gerard shrunk into his seat with his arms crossed facing the wall to avoid looking at Methe.

He was avoiding looking at her, but she was still looking at him. She watched as his chest rose and fell, she watched from the side as his eyelashes fluttered each time he blinked, and she watched as she fought every fibre in her being to stop her from giving in to what her body desperately wanted.

Him.

Her body craved his touch once again. But her mind repelled it, her mind hated everything about him and her heart hated him even more for the shreds it was left in the last time that she spoke to him. Though it refused to admit it, her heart craved his touch too in the deepest cavern where Methe had tucked all of her feelings for him away.

[][][][][][][][][][][]

It had been a week since Methe’s first show with My Chemical Romance and it had been hell. Her days consisted of her filming the boys and getting to see the Gerard she missed through the camera screen but as soon as she put it down her days were filled with Gerard making snarky comments, shoving her around, or just full-on yelling at her. 

The first time he had blown up at her was when she was filming one of their lunch breaks before the soundcheck of a show in Dover and he had just gotten out of a bad run-through. He had dropped his fork which could be seen in the corner of the camera screen and had claimed to have had enough. He yelled for minutes on end, expressing his hatred for her in confusing words.

“Methe. You are not supposed to be here! You were supposed to stay far away from me! You were supposed to live your happy life far fucking away with some non-alcoholic husband! I mean I practically fucking saved you when I dropped your ass! So, get that camera out of my face and leave for fucks sake!” 

Methe could recall his every word. She had sat in the venue’s bathroom for twenty minutes crying on the phone to Jamia about how little she believed she’d be able to survive around him

What she truly couldn’t even comprehend was that Gerard believed he was helping her, saving her when he crushed her all those years ago. 

When she returned from her crying spout in the bathroom everyone was looking at her except Gerard. He wasn’t there. He had run off to someplace without telling anyone but later gave away where he had been.

He stumbled in through the doors. His pinpoint eyes darted around the place under his greasy long black hair. Drips of sweat must gather at the tips of each long and filthy strand.

A bottle of whiskey was firmly in the grip of his hand. Methe watched as he swayed, the brown liquid swaying and mimicking his every movement. He tripped to the right and the liquid swayed in perfect harmony as it splashed up the tinted glass of the bottle. 

She leaned further into her chair with her arms crossed, almost mesmerized by the bottle. Or the man holding it in his own disheveled state, she wasn’t sure.

The black of his shoes slowly shuffled by her and the stench of whiskey flooded her nose in the most horrid ways. Methe hated the smell of that very whiskey he had in his hand. It was the same one she poured, night after night for Gerard in her days at the bar.

A small drop of thick, bubbly liquid splatted between her feet attracting her eyes. She stared at the small puddle as bubbles slowly popped and water gathered into tears.

Gerard spat. He spat at her feet. He spat at her as if she was nothing.

Chapter Text

The seat in the back of the tour van was now Methe’s designated spot. She sat there with her legs curled up to her chest and her head resting on her knees. The headphones in her ears had music blasting through them so loud that her ears were straining at it. Her eyes would continuously well up with tears every few minutes that she had to choke down in order to protect herself. 

She was in a trance now. She felt nothing as she zoned out to the unusually soft music lulling in her ears. After spending so many days being belittled by Gerard, she found the best way to cope was to zone out and work. Her eyes remained closed, to others she would look as though she was at peace but even in her empty state her mind ran with constant thoughts and insecurities. 

She wished that there was a way to leave her tight situation. There wasn’t though. She was not rich enough nor powerful enough in her workplace so the most she could do was push through and survive off the friendships that she was slowly building with the band member of ‘My Chemical Romance’ obviously except for Gerard.

Scarring her out of her trance, Methe felt a soft hand on her shoulder. She slowly lifted her head expecting to see Mikey, however it was not Mikey, it was Ray. He had been sweet to her the entire time and sympathized with her each time Gerard had an episode. His dark brown eyes connected with hers with the same soothing gaze.

“Hey, we’re stopping here for an hour or two. We all need a break.” He said in a soft whisper. While Methe took of her headphones and rubbed the soreness of her ears.

“Hmm?” She asked him to repeat himself from the change in volume levels. 

“We’re stopping here at this diner for an hour or two to catch a break.” He kept his voice soft, it almost reminded her of Gerard, when he was Gerard at least. That man out there was not Gerard, it was some carbon copy of horrors.

“From driving or each other?” she questioned as she stretched in her seat and began to climb out of the van behind Ray. “Both” was all he replied with as he shut the sliding door of the van behind Methe and proceeded to walk towards the dinner with Methe close on his tail.

She stayed silent as they walked, the soft howls of the wind and footsteps of the two on the asphalt car park created music in her ears. Slowly Methe had been falling into a prayer of silence. She could see in everyone else’s eyes that they wished to help her, they knew that she was under a world of pressure, but they couldn’t do anything in fear of waking the beast of Gerard.

A bell ringed as the door of the diner swung open, Mikey and frank sat together talking with a small stack of comics between them on the table of the booth that they shared while Bob sat at the barstools sipping on only what Methe could assume was a strawberry milkshake looking at the colour.

Gerard however was nowhere to be found, as per usual. Methe took note of the fact that he would disappear for nearly twenty minutes to multiple hours every time they stopped so it was no surprise to her.

Ray took a seat beside Frank and invited Methe to join, though she quietly declined and asked for the keys to the van so she could go get the camera that she had left in there. 

With a slight smile from all three of the boys, Ray handed her the keys and she made her way back to the van.

Climbing into the back of the van she grabbed her back camera back and a small toiletries bag she always kept with her. She unzipped the bag to double-check that the sole item she was looking for was in there and breathed in relief when she saw it then zipped the bag back up.

As she went to reach out of the van a small Ziplock bag, not even an inch squared in size fell out. In confusion, Methe picked it up and slipped it in her pocket as it reminded her of the days when she dabbled in drugs on the occasion but she was now nearly three years clean so all she planned to do was throw it away and leave her past behind.

The van door slammed shut and the same music of the wind and her footsteps sang in her ears once again. 

Returning the keys to Ray she sat the camera bag beside Mikey to save her seat and excused herself to the bathroom.

Without looking she swung the door of the bathroom open and locked herself in one of the stalls.

It had been a long time since she had done this. She dropped herself, not even on the toilet but on the ground, not caring for the unsanitary factors. Her eyes burned, begging to release tears but at the same time, they were dry. Not a drop in sight. After hours of struggling not to cry in front of the men in the van with her, she had finally run out of energy. 

The small bag she had kept with her opened with a slight sound from the zip. Digging around in a panic she couldn’t find the item that she had checked for minutes ago in the van. That was until she felt a slight sting in her fingertip and found it. 

It was a thin sheet of metal. Designed for a razor. She kept it with her for ‘emergencies’ and right then it felt like an emergency. She felt she needed some kind of physical release for the pent-up mental pain that had been rushing through her core.

She scraped it lightly along the skin of her arm which had a rolled-up sleeve. Not hard enough to break the skin but enough to send a light amount of adrenaline through her veins. That wasn’t enough. The speed of her heart rate wasn’t enough. The pounding of blood in her head wasn’t enough. So once more time she ran the blade across her arm, this time pressing hard, maybe too hard as red fluid began to bead. 

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

Four. 

The red was now running. The red dripped and dripped. It decorated the floor and her clothes. Her emotions ran with it like a herd of horses. They ran for life. 

Eyes finally wet, she began to cry. The clear saltwater decorated her face and the floor alongside the red. 

The rolling sound of toilet paper ruffled through the air while she pulled and pulled. Breaking off a piece she wiped the red, it felt as if it wouldn’t go away. The more she wiped the red, the more it clouded her vision.

Her arms were now patched up from the other ‘emergency’ items she kept in her bag. The red was now gone visually but Methe felt it all over her. She felt dirty. And she cried for the dirt upon her. She had felt dirty since she was eleven. No matter how much she cleaned herself the red and the dirt would never leave.

She was out of the stall now. Looking at her disheveled state in the mirror as she washed her hands. The slam of the bathroom door distracted her though as Gerard walked in.

“What the fuck are you doing in the women’s bathroom”

“What the fuck are you doing in the men’s bathroom” 

They both argued at the same time. Gerard swayed like usual and even at a distance Methe could smell the mixed scent of cheap whiskey, sweat, and cigarettes. At the beginning of her ‘adventure’ with the band, she would have gagged, but that smell was all she knew now. For all she did know, she smelt like that too. 

“This is the fucking men’s bathroom, see?” Gerard swung the door open roughly making Methe flinch, the loud bang as it hit the wall echoed through the bathroom. Her eyes were attracted to the sign and her heart dropped. 

‘MENS’ was written on the door. She had run into the men’s bathroom without looking. Pink crept across her face.

“Look I’m sorry I didn’t mean to, I didn’t look. I’ll leave.” The effort and energy it would take to argue with Gerard at that time was something she did not have so she just put her head down and apologised with shame trying to hide the drops of red that had stained her blue shirt.

The bag strained in her hands as she clutched it with dear life. The very item in that bag could make or break her life and if Gerard found the bag it would break her. 

She was just out of the door when a pain shot through her hand, it felt as if the pain got any worse her hand would break. Her body was launched back into the bathroom by a strong arm, shutting the door behind her. She struggled to keep her footing as she was now faced with Gerard once again.

“What the fuck is that!” His voice had a shake of rage that she had never heard from him before. Confused for a second, her brows furrowed. Looking down at her shirt, the blood drains from her entire body. Her feet remained planted but her mind was in the air, floating around and airing out her head. A pounding grew in her head as her vision blurred out of panic.

“Nothing fuck off, just let me leave!” she tried to shove past him but was pulled back again by the same man. In her head, she prayed that someone would walk in and allow her to escape the terrible nightmare of a moment she was living.

“That’s fucking blood. What did you do?” his voice was almost a growl in such a deep tone Methe almost didn’t recognize him. 

“Nothing, like I said fuck off” Subconsciously she clutched at her arm that she had just torn through moments before. Bad, bad decision.

“What. Did. You. Do?!” Gerard inched closer and closer, his eyes no longer boring a hole into her own but was now sending waves straight to her arm as they remained in contact with the arms she kept in her hold.

“For fucks sake NOTHING!” she tried to budge past him, but he just blocked her way. He was much taller than her and she had no hope. He had forced her into the corner, her arm was now in his hands and all she could concentrate on to prevent herself from breaking down in that moment of time were his eyes. As angry as they were, those eyes were the ones that once saved her. The hazel of intoxication was being swallowed by his pupils of the abyss as it remained in a dilated state. 

The sleeve of her shirt was now up to her elbow and his grip tightened. In a moment of complete and utter weakness, she let a single tear slip. His eyes met hers. 

A single tear slipped from his. 

The break of raw emotion from him was enough to break her, but for once she held strong and didn’t crumble as much as the pieces of her were begging to.

It was like they were connected. Whatever it was, it scared Methe. His grip went from horribly tight to nothing at all. He wiped his eyes and spoke.

“Take this. It will help. I promise it helps me.” 

‘It helps me.’

‘It helps me.’

The thought repeated like a serenade of hell. Gerard was struggling. She was struggling. They were in the same boat that was sinking by the minute. 

His hand closed over hers dropping something small in it to which she just clutched her fist and closed her eyes as tight as possible to contain her head rushing out through her tears. 

A soft and comforting sensation could be felt on her head for a split second before she heard the footsteps of Gerard getting further away and the gentle swing of the door that was very contrasting to the loud and piercing sounds that were bouncing and echoing through her ear’s seconds beforehand. 

Knowing she was still in the men’s room she pushed her body to move against its own wishes. Her muscles were screaming at her even though she had a lack of physical activity in the recent days. 

Every bone in her body cried with each movement while she forced her body into the women’s bathroom. A cold flush hit her back matching the feeling of a freezing flame inside her. The wall was concrete and cold almost the same as the wall she tried to build up between her and her emotions.

Her body fell into a heap on the ground of the wall as her emotions tunneled out of her. She was pooling in her tears and emotions. She was drowning and her survival instincts wouldn’t kick in to let her swim. 

Tears burned cold down her cheeks. Usually, they would run hot but this time all she felt was the freezing cold of her pain. 

The small item still rested in her hand. Out of the overwhelming fear that invaded her body and overtook every thought process she had; she tucked the small item into her back pocket without even a glance as to what the item was. 

Though she already knew.

The tears had stopped flowing down the stream of her cheeks, her mind stop racing to pursue a stagnant state of nothing. It now pursued a state of an empty void of numbness replacing what was once a flowing river of thoughts and feelings. Positive and negative.

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Her stomach turned itself inside out in search of any form of protein or nutrient that she should have consumed at the most recent stop but Methe couldn’t eat. Nausea crept through her body taking it over bit by bit. She stared out the beaded window as the rain cried, and the venue approached. Swallowing her hunger, she began to grab her photography bag when she felt the vehicle slowly come to a halt. 

The 6 people who resided in the van piled out of it, Mikey and Frank were talking with Ray about how excited they were to play at the new venue as it was their biggest yet. Only by about twenty people for capacity but again it’s the small things that count. Bob headed straight to the back trailer to retrieve his drum set to bring it into the venue as his set up took the longest and Gerard's. Well, he disappeared as per usual. At each arrival at a venue, he would disappear for twenty or so minutes and come back with raging sweats and dinner plate pupils.

Methe however headed straight for the bathroom, the nausea finally took control and began its war. She ran and ran until she banged through a stall and knelt over a toilet. The dirty tiled floor was cold on her knees, but she had finally fallen to its mercy.

Wretched gagging sounds echoed in her ears, and she was sure it bounced against the walls of the piped bathrooms. She heaved and heaved up as much as she could until she was empty, her throat burned at the stomach acid and a rancid taste filled her mouth. 

Panting loudly, catching her breath she leaned against the stall as she pulled at the hair stuck to her forehead due to the thick layer of sweat coating it.

Soothing her throat and the taste on her tongue, she washed her mouth out with water from the basin not caring if it was safe drinking water or not. 

Catching a good look at herself in the mirror, she could see her roots of dark blonde peeking through her navy blue hair. Bags caressed her eyes and hollows pulled her cheeks in, she almost looked dead. Maybe the perishing feeling inside was beginning to leak and poison the outside. But who knew?

She pulled out the same small item that Gerard had given her, she already knew what it was without looking. She told herself she wouldn’t do that again but here she was. Staring at a small bag of cocaine in her hand. The bag was clear on one side and was adorned by many smiley faces on the other side. Maybe that was the intended result of the drug, Gerard claimed it would help so what’s the worst that could happen? 

Though Methe knew that the worst thing possible could truly happen, she knew that she would fall back into the cycle of dependency. But at that moment in time, she just wanted to be okay.

She wiped down the bench of the bathroom sink, not caring of how unsanitary it was only making sure that it was bone dry to prevent any wastage. That was all she cared about at that moment. Deep down she even hoped that maybe she’d contract some kind of virus or disease from that bench and be put out of her suffering misery.

Bringing out the same ID card that she had used all that time ago, she laid out the translucent white rock powder on the bench and began to crush it. With each movement, her excitement grew, and the pain subsided. She never really understood how much she had missed that feeling. Pulling out a ten-dollar bill, she rolled it up in preparation and began to sort the now finely crushed rocks into three lines.

It burned, and it flew up her nose and straight to poisoning her brain. A deep breath was all it took for her to begin to feel the effects, this time was quicker than it had ever hit and Methe loved it. One line was gone, and her senses were heightened, her pupils dilated and everything looked beautiful. Energy was coursing through her veins but that wasn’t enough. Within the next two minutes, she took up the next two, her jaw clenched and clenched while her eyes rolled into the back of her head causing more euphoria than she had experienced in a long time.

Her fingers shook as she licked her finger to stick the remaining powder to it and rubbed it onto her gums. 

She was happy now, even if it was chemically created and in a false sense, she was happy. 

The feeling of dependency crept through but was quickly pushed back by the rapid fire of the drug she had taken into her brain.

She hadn’t fully clicked at that moment but soon she would realize that Gerard just caused one of her greatest downfalls. Destruction was Gerard and he hurt anyone in his wake, Methe was now his star victim.

Chapter Text

[]Methe’s POV (first person)[]

“Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge” Everyone cheered around me as the new music blared through the speakers of the release party.

It had been just over two weeks since Gerard found me in the bathroom, and it had been just over two weeks since I decided I was going to put my happiness first. I sat on a couch beside Gerard, ‘Odd’ was all I could say but then again that wasn’t the first thing on my mind as I grabbed the rolled-up note from his hand and dipped my head to inhale a breath of relief. Gerard wasn’t lying. The cocaine helped. A lot.

It not only helped fill the empty pit in my soul but also allowed us to put aside our differences in the name of substance abuse. Don’t get me wrong I hated him with every fibre of my body, but he was also my only hope of getting my grimy little hands on any form of substance aside from alcohol considering I had little to no connections on tour.

As much as I could gather, I think Gerard liked this side of me. Sure, he still was a dick, called me names at every chance he could get, and ignored my existence unless drugs were involved. But him seeing me fall so deeply into dependency, I think he took some kind of pleasure from it but who was I to care? I was so coked up I couldn’t feel any negativity.

Tonight was the release of ‘My Chemical Romance’s’ second album. It was a concept album that Gerard had been working on for quite some time, but I couldn’t care much about that, I was there celebrating for Mikey, for Ray, for Frank, and for Bob. In my mind, despite his willingness to supply for me, he didn’t deserve any form of congratulations on the band’s accomplishment.

Standing up, I grabbed my camera and walked away from Gerard with a soothing buzz in my skin. I began to film the party, avoiding anything drugs to not produce a bad name for the band. Though in my drug-induced state, I still had half a mind to look out for the four I considered my friends.

Looking through the shaky screen of the camera, I caught Frank diving on a pool table with another drunken man following behind causing the pool table to break. Splintered of wood sprayed everywhere and the sound of cheers arose.

I jumped out of my skin when someone roughly tapped my shoulder. Fear flew right through me. A downside of drugs; is heightened paranoia. I spun around to be faced with no other but the same hazel eyes I tried my hardest to despise.

Gerard’s hand, held something up in my view as I shut my camera off and tried to focus on the item dangling from his hand but my vision was violently shaking and out of focus.

“You fucking retard, how fucked up are you? It’s Molly, she’s come to say hi.” Gerard let his anger seep through, but I just smiled. Molly was my friend. I hadn’t hung out with her for a hot minute, so I knew that I was in for it. Quickly, I snatched the little baggy out of Gerard’s hand and took the small red-pressed pill out of it.

Throwing the bag back in Gerard’s face, I quickly swallowed the pill and chased it with the beer that rested in his other hand.

“Now you, seeming as if you won’t leave, will be having a joyous time. At least this will make you much more bearable.” Gerard whispered in my ear from behind. This was a newfound thing. He hadn’t been this close to me in years but I couldn’t care less.

“And you? I don’t suppose you’d have made yourself any more bearable for me.” I spun to face him placed my hands on his chest and moved my face closer to his to get a better look at his face.

Taking a step back he pulled a tiny metal zippo lighter from his pocket. The same one he used oh so long ago when life wasn’t so wretched and lit it in front of his face to provide light.

His pupils didn’t constrict. The hazel hues that I was once in love with were gone, leaving a cloud of black nothingness. He indeed did decide to partake in a night with Molly.

Time flew by, before I knew it the usual twenty minutes to an hour that it took for Molly to kick in had ended and I felt every hair on my body to rise and my smile to grow. My jaw was constantly moving as my body ignited in flames and I revelled in every second of it.

[] Third Person’s POV []

Methe felt better than she had in a long time, her body began to sway as she felt every beat of the music course through her bones. She felt a set of eyes on her as she danced to the humming of the song. Not only was it a set, but it was his.

Her tiny black skirt rode up her fishnet-covered thighs with each sway of her hips revealing the large scar that adorned her upper thigh from the events of the eleventh of September, two thousand and one. Her hands were in the air, she felt like the tips of her fingers were swimming in the stars, coating them in the same sparkling light that was flooding through her. With her arms in the air, her two layered shirts rode up revealing the tones of her pale stomach and the purple stoned naval jewelry that adorned her belly button matching her newly coloured hair.

Hot air began to flow onto her neck as pressure was placed on each side of her hips. A blonde-haired man who she did not recognize had taken an interest in her dancing and with each breath, he lay on her skin, each second his hands remained on her scorching skin and a small fire ignited in her knowing the man she hated was watching her every movement.

Leaning into the blonde’s touch, she pressed her back flush against his front and continued to sway to the beat receiving an uprise from his body. She tilted her head back with her hand behind her in his hair as he began to place hungry kisses on her neck. Her eyes rolled back as the pleasure was enhanced by the substances in her system.

Her enjoyment was only short-lived when in a haste faster than her brain could keep up with, she was ripped away from the dance floor as well as the blonde and pulled to an empty corner. She was faced with one angry drug-fuelled raging Gerard.

“What the fuck was that for?! You fucking cunt!” Methe screamed over the music ripping herself from his grasp trying to push past him back to the dance floor but failing. One thing about substances, the happiness was incredible, and the sadness was non-existent. But the rage, the rage, and anger, once set off there was nothing like it. Though under the influence of Molly, it was hard to become angered but when someone’s fuse finally blows, anyone and everyone best hope they are out of the blast zone for their own sakes.

“What the fuck was that for?! You’re seriously fucking asking me that?! How much of a fucking dumb bimbo are you?!” Gerard shouted back into her face. Even over the loud music, the sound hurt Methe’s ear only adding fuel to the flame.

“You know what? Fine! Explain what’s so fucking bad about me having fun that you had to rip me away from it?!” she inched closer and closer to Gerard’s face competing to be louder. Even with her small frame, she knew she could intimidate a man if she was motivated enough.

“You! You’ve been acting like a fucking slut ever since you got on the dance floor! Like holy fuck I knew Molly increased arousal, but no one wants to see you borderline fucking some cunt in front of everyone!” He tried to be little her but the words of poison that he spat were yet to sink in and they surely would when she finally sobered up, if she did. In that moment, however, she was too distracted by how furious she was to care.

“You don’t get to call me a fucking slut when you’re the one fucking a new bitch every other night! And not to mention you were the only one paying fucking attention to me on the floor with that guy!” Gerard fumed at the fact she had just pointed out his consistent attention to her. No, he didn’t try and hide it but she didn’t need to point it out, in his mind, she didn’t at least.

“Me?! Watching?! I was only watching to make sure shit didn’t get out of hand like it clearly did! And who the fuck are you to comment about the fact that I can manage to get a bitch?! I’m sorry that I indulge in whatever the fuck I want and I’m sorry that it’s not you that I’m making scream my fucking name every night but news fucking flash it’s not going to fucking happen stop being so fucking desperate!” he crept close and closer to her at every word split up by profanity. Her heart thundered at his insinuations. She would rather do anything but share a bed with Gerard again and he knew it. She could feel his hot breath on her face like tiny little pinpricks. Her throat burned as she inhaled his air mixing with her own.

“Bitch, if you fucking think I’d want to fuck you ever again you absolutely fucking insane! You probably have a dick that consists of fucking cheese you festy fucker! I can fucking guarantee you that I was the best fuck you’d ever had so I wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t long before you were fucking begging at my feet just for me to give you a lick of attention! Now go fuck yourself, disrespectfully.” Methe shoved past the man leaving him baffled with her response. He had half the mind to follow her and scream at her one more time to get the final word but was distracted when a girl who claimed to have had a great time the night before began to climb all over him. His problem was that he didn’t remember her, but he couldn’t tell if that was due to the drugs or if it was due to the sheer number of women he had slept with of recent. Maybe Methe had a point but who was he to say, everyone knew he wouldn’t listen to her.

[][][][][][][][][][][]

Methe did not sleep the night of the release party or the one following that night. She had forgotten how much she couldn’t sleep when she was on Molly also known as ecstasy and it was taking a toll on her ability to work.

Finally, she was able to close her eyes as she remained curled up in the back of the van in the usual spot she would reside in. Slowly her consciousness calmed down and slowly her mind began to rest a peace when all of her thoughts had reached their finish line and stopped racing.

She didn’t dream anymore. Not since she had first tried substances many years prior, occasionally a nightmare would grace her mind with its terror but nothing pleasant. When she was awake, she really couldn’t tell if she was, everything felt like a dream. Nothing felt real.

Bursting awake, Methe sat up abruptly from her seat earning looks from everyone else in the van aside from Bob who was trying to keep his eyes on the road. Her forehead, her arms, her legs. Everything was covered in a thick layer of sweat. She had another nightmare, yet she failed when she tried to recall what it was about. Spreading her legs out as far as she could in the cramped van she tried to air out her body to get rid of the slick sweat feeling that left her in a state of disgust.

A familiar ringtone sounded; it was Methe’s mobile phone that was buried under the heap of shit splayed through the van. Gerard groaned as she frantically searched for the phone.

“Will you just pick up the fucking phone and save us all the headache?” he grumbled messaging his temples and pulling his brows together in a tight-knit.

“I know I’m sorry, I’m just trying to find it” The radio softly played in the background as Methe apologised. Another thing about Molly was that the comedown was fucked. She had no energy to argue with Gerard and was ready to cry at any moment.  She had felt so alive the past two days due to all of her serotonin and dopamine just constantly being released but now she was all out. All she wanted to do was crawl into a deep dark cave and disappear forever.

“Gerard maybe you should try to give her a break?” Mikey softly whispered to his brother earning a middle finger and a “Fuck off” from the man. After that response, Mikey turned over his chair to give Methe an apologetic look to say ‘he tried.’.

One might say he didn’t try hard enough but everyone was already walking on eggshells around that man, poking him in the wrong spot and they all had hell to pay so she understood that he did his best.

Finally finding her phone and looked at the contact of the person who was still ringing her. ‘David’. She answered the phone to her boss in a hushed whisper to keep Gerard happy.

“Hey David, Methe speaking.”

“Methe! It’s great to hear from you, how are things going with the band?” his voice was as cheery as usual, though Methe really didn’t want to admit to him how horribly things had been running with the band, she felt he deserved to know and she also hoped he may have a bit of sympathy for the horror he’s putting her through and allow her to bug out of the contract.

“Ehhh could be very much better, I’ve gotta be quick though sorry I’m in the van and everyone’s trying to sleep I’m afraid I might wake the beast.” At that sentence, she heard a small chucking coming from the heavily tattooed man beside her, Frank. She gave him a quick and sweet smile before turning her focus back to the phone call.

“Well, I’m sorry to hear that however, I’m sure you’ve heard of their new album release so I’m just calling to let you know that I will be assigning you to assist in the filming of a few music videos during your time with them. It’ll also be great media footage for your current project to see how the behind-the-scenes works. Don’t worry this will include a pay raise for the extra work.” She finished with a positive note. Methe wasn’t sure how she felt about having to film music videos for the band's pay raise or not. However what she was sure about was that she had to go through with it.

“Right, and do you know how many there will be and which songs so I can get familiar with them?” She switched into her ‘Business mode’ allowing her to gather as much necessary information about her work as possible.

“Okay so there will be three videos and F.Y.I I can’t believe you need to get familiar with the songs, I mean you literally live with the band but they will be ‘Helena’, ‘The Ghost Of You’ and ‘I’m Not Okay (I Promise)’”. He finished his sentence with a sigh.

“Okay is that all you needed me for today? I really should get going.” She ended the conversation in fear of disturbing everyone.

“Yes, I’ll email Brian any extra details.” And with that, he hung up. Leaving Methe to contemplate her future.

Chapter Text

The sunset grew darker and darker while Methe sat outside of one of the venues that ‘My Chemical Romance’ was performing at in Philadelphia; she could hear the bass of the music from the outside, where she sat feeling content with the hypnotizing swirls of chemicals. White and grey hues of cigarette smoke floated in the air, twisting in faint moonlight. She had decided to take a quick break from filming the show, to take a break from consistently watching the source of her confusion and eventual ruin.

The band had begun to play more of their newer album, which was growing popular as the weeks went by. She’d only been on tour with the band for just under two months, only four months until her sentence would be over, and she’d be free from her prison cell. Taking one last pull from her cigarette, she felt the embers burn her lips before she twisted the tip of her shoe over it to extinguish the remnants of a flame.

Heading inside the venue, she brought her camera with her, filming her way back onto the small stage. It was darker inside the venue than out; the growing collection of fans was screaming for Gerard as he sang a song from their first album. ‘Drowning lessons’.

The hands of the young boys and girls reached for Gerard and prayed for him like he was their messiah, singing along with him as he poured his all into the concert. Ray had a strong look of concentration plastered on his face while he hit every note with precision, but still managed to look alive and entertain the audience. Frank, however, was all over the stage. At one point, between all the flashing lights, Methe caught a video of him lying on the floor, yet still managing to bounce around to every strum of his guitar.

“I dragged her down, put her out, and back there I left her where no one could see!” Gerard’s note of an angel floated in the air, intoxicating everyone. The words sounded familiar as she questioned who he was singing about. She didn’t think it was Kat, but then again, it could’ve been anyone.

Methe had been listening to their music much more often, not only the ones that she needed to get familiar with for the music videos, but the entirety of both of their albums. She loved their music, though she’d never admit it to Gerard. It provided her with an escape, and some songs helped her remember the old Gerard. The one who was in the photo that still sat in her purse of the two. She had never been able to bring herself to throw out that photo, no matter how much she hated him, because that photo came from a time when she completed one of her first milestones in life of graduating from college.

She would often look at the photo of the two on top of each other in a piggyback and reminisce about how close they were, but would then stop herself to force the idea that Gerard in that photo had died a long, long time ago. Since she had met the new Gerard, she often wondered if all the pain she went through was worth it. He had destroyed her that morning she took him to rehab, yet he had thrown his sobriety away. Though so did she. But that being beside the point, she wondered if she had never taken him to rehab, if things would be the same. If she were in the same position she was in now, or if she were even the same person she was.

As she listened to more of their songs, they became more and more familiar each time, but it wasn’t because she had started to know all of the words and notes by heart. It was because the words, the stories that they told, plucked on a string on her heart in a way she couldn’t pinpoint.

The concert had come to an end while she watched them through the camera screen as they exited the stage, one by one, giving their own greetings to the camera. Gerard surprisingly didn’t shove the camera down but rather gave it a very sweet smile, once again reminding Methe of a time to be.

Sitting in the small dressing room that the venue had, they all relaxed and drank a few casual beers. Aside from Ray, who had decided to stick with lemonade. Methe sat on a large bean bag with Mikey as they indulged in their own conversation.

“Is it just me, or do some songs on your first album sound familiar to you?”

She asked the man beside her out of curiosity, trying to cure her own. There was something about the music that didn’t sit right with her.

“Well, I mean, I did essentially write the bass line for all of the songs, so I guess so?” Mikey’s voice remained soft and soothing as he chuckled at the girl for what he believed to be a ‘silly’ question.

“No duh, it’s just something about a few of them. The lyrics, the story they paint, they just seem so fucking familiar to me, and I can’t put my finger on it.” She kept her voice hushed, so the other members didn’t hear their conversation.

“I know what you mean, like completely, and I shouldn’t be saying this, but next time you get the chance, there’s a little dark brown notebook in the van that should answer your questions.” The man with the glasses said, leaving her with more questions than before.

‘What was this book? How was it supposed to answer all my questions? What was in it? Who owns it? Why shouldn’t he be telling me?’

But before she could ask any more questions to clear her mind, they were interrupted by Ray, who had pinched her film camera and was filming Frank.

Gerard wore his signature belt that had the bat buckle and black skinny jeans, which he clearly showed when he stood in front of it and grasped his dick before Frank reached under and in between his legs to grab it as well, causing Gerard Pain.

Methe had to stop herself from letting a tear slip out of laughter. There were times like this with the band where she wasn’t completely miserable; she was able to forget and float. Sometimes she believed that that was the best high she could feel.

[][][][][][][][][][][]

Waiting for her opportunity, Methe’s curiosity grew larger. Stopping at yet another Pit stop, Methe ushered the boys inside, claiming she was going to try and catch up on some sleep in the van and would wait for them there. Little did they know she was far from that.

Moving around the belongings in the van, she tried her best to find the small brown book that Mikey had described to solve all her curiosity. She avoided going into anyone’s bags in the hope that it wasn’t in there. Though she was snooping around, she still had morals, and it felt incredibly wrong to her to look in someone’s bag in fear of what she would find, especially knowing both Frank and Gerard.

“Shit!” A loud thump occurred as a pain shot through Methe’s Knee while she climbed into the passenger seat. Her knee began to constantly ache as she searched for her answers.

There it was. In the front glove box. A small leather-bound book rested there. She knew it was the item she was looking for, something in her drawled herself to it as she second-guessed herself. It felt wrong to intrude on whoever’s belongings it was. Though it could’ve been Mikey's book, which was why he was willing to tell her, but then again, he had said that he shouldn’t have been telling her, and when Mikey is that cautious about something, it usually involves Satan himself. Gerard. This only made her more curious.

Shakey hands grabbed the book from the glove box slowly, as if something was going to attack her. As if Mikey had set up a trap for her. Silence grew louder as she sat there with the book resting in her lap, contemplating her morals and whether or not she should invade the mystery person’s privacy.

‘It’s okay, if anything in there seems too deep or personal, I’ll just close the book and pretend I saw nothing, not even Mikey will know. I’ll just tell him I couldn’t find the book.’ Methe reasoned with herself as she slowly pulled at the string tying the book closed. The leather felt soft yet rough under her skin, tracing her finger over the natural ridges and bumps of the leather. She finally brought up the courage to open the book.

The first page: Blank.

The thundering of her heart began to pound in her ears with anticipation and anxiety.

The second page, Property of Gerard Arthur Way.

The book slammed shut and was thrown back into the glove box. She climbed back into the back seat, hitting her knee on the same spot, causing the ache to magnify. Lying down in the back seat, she let her emotions pool. Seeing his name on the book that was supposed to answer her question set the ticking time bomb off in her head.

One tear dripped, then another flowed out, and then the next thing she knew, everything she felt pooled out. With each tear, a different aspect of her mind escaped. She didn’t know how to feel. ‘Why? Why is Gerard the one who has put such familiarity in those songs?’ Truth be told, she didn’t want to feel at all.

Fire spilled from her eyes, her cheeks heated, and her body curled into a ball. She tried to inhale her relief, but nothing soothed her. Tiredness grew on her, but her eyes refused to rest; they weren’t finished. Her breath would hitch consistently as she tried to pull in oxygen. She lay there squeezing her eyes as tight as possible to hold her emotions in and stop the tears from running free, but nothing helped.

Well, that was until she heard the van door slide open. Keeping her eyes shut, she pretended to sleep and tried her best to hold back the hiccups of sadness, though there was only so much she could do.

Squeezing her eyes shut even tighter in a prayer that the person wouldn’t notice her state, she heard them move to the back of the van where she was. It was only one person; however, when she heard an exhausted sigh of emotion, she knew it was no doubt from seeing her. They could clearly see her tear-stained face and shirt; as far as she could guess, they could also clearly see she was awake, but to her thankfulness, they did not acknowledge it.

She felt the person sit in the chair beside where she lay her head, her heart rate quickened, and she held her breath. A calloused hand began to run through her deep purple hair, comforting her. Ray. It was Ray, it had to of been Ray. He was the sweetest and most empathetic of the bunch, even compared to Mikey.

Softening to his touch, she allowed him to comfort her. The muscles of her body lost their tension, and her lungs let out a hefty breath. The tears brimming slowly began to be absorbed by the sponge of comfort.

“I know it's hard. I wish I could let you know just how much you mean to me.”

Erratic heartbeats thundered in Methe’s chest. That was NOT Ray. That voice was all too familiar to her, yet she hadn’t heard it since the day before a road trip from her nightmare. She refused to prove to him she was awake. He must’ve truly thought she was asleep the contrary to what she had originally thought. She gathered this because Gerard would not say that if he had known she was fully conscious and listening.

She missed his voice. The soft tones, the comfort that he was supplying her, felt foreign, yet it felt like home. She liked it. Forgetting about her levels of despise for the man, she continued to fake sleep to give herself the freedom of weakness and comfort even just for a short time.

“It’s hard, I’m trying to protect you. I’m furious at you for coming back, but then again, I brought you back into one of the very things I tried to protect you from. The least I can do is deter you away from the other.” Gerard’s voice was soft as he continued to brush his fingers through his hair. Methe was trying to put together the puzzle in her mind of what he meant.

This was now the second time he had claimed he was trying to protect her. But from what? Washing that confusion from her mind, his first sentence struck her like a wrecking ball.

‘I wish I could let you know just how much you mean to me… I’m trying to let you know how much you mean to me.'

The words that had just spilled from his mouth were awfully like a piece of lyrics from their song ‘Demolition Lovers’. Initially, she had thought the song was about Kathleen, but now Methe was thinking that there was a possibility she had gotten it all wrong in the first place.

Just at that thought, the curiosity grew larger and larger until its claws seeped into her mind, and that was all she could think about. Pushing her more and more to break any form of moral code and searching for confirmation in that book.

“I still love you.”

And that was it. The walls she had built up to protect Gerard's privacy and to prevent her from reading his journal had just blown open like floodgates.

[][][][][][][][][][][]

They had arrived at a school where they would be filming the first music video of the album, ‘I’m Not Okay (I Promise)’. It was a large school, adorned by maroon bricks and beautifully constructed cream pillars. Gerard had a clear outline of how the filming was to take place and what he wanted the music video to consist of and represent. Methe had already sat with the actual director, whom she would just be assisting in conveying her own ideas and some of the band members' ideas, to speak about how the music video was going to play out.

Frank, Gerard, Mikey, and Ray were all sitting around checking out their new outfits for the music video. They were all in deep navy-blue school uniform blazers with a red and black striped tie to go along with ash grey pants.

Methe would be lying if she said seeing Gerard in the uniform didn’t ignite a flame inside her. Ever since her interaction with him, if it could be called that, she viewed him with a new form of perplexity. His exposure of the old Gerard slowly chipped away at the concrete wall of hatred she had built up to guard her heart.

The idea of the music video was to reach out to those who felt as though they didn’t fit in. It was to show those who felt like they didn’t belong anywhere that they do belong somewhere, that uniqueness is nothing to be afraid of. It was to share the experiences that they had all endured throughout their younger years, and in a sense, still must push through day to day. The best thing about their band, ‘My Chemical Romance’, they provide an escape. They allow those who don’t fit in, whose emotions are so complex they don’t even understand themselves, to escape. They have begun to blow up, making a substantial amount of money to the point where they were considering upgrading to a bus. They were getting recognized throughout the globe for their hard work, though they still couldn’t compete with people like Eminem; they were changing people's lives. They were achieving the goal that they had strived so hard to achieve.

Gerard and Ray sat on an old white staircase with cameras watching them from every direction as they spoke their lines for the introduction to the music video. They looked so peaceful yet concentrated. It took multiple takes for Marc, the director, to finally be happy with the entire take. Having her camera out, Methe made sure to capture the behind-the-scenes process of the music video.

Starting to feel rather hot and sweaty, Methe leaned over to Marc, letting him know she was going to be away for a minute due to a moment of illness. Receiving a slight nod, she fled from the scene. Looking to the clear sky with minimal clouds, she thanked the gods for her ability to fake illnesses to escape most situations. Running to the van, she gave in. Her morals were tucked away in a locked box at a deep corner of her brain as she checked the glove box for that same book.

Flicking through the pages of the leather-bound book, she found the lyrics of every song they had ever produced. Her ivory-skinned fingers traced over the smooth pages inked with lines. 

Each time she flicked to specific songs in the books, she found tiny notes in red scribbled out. Squinting as she looked at the crossed-out writing, she made out one word. ‘Methe.’ The words of ‘Demolition lovers’ were splayed across the first few pages, along with lines crossed out. Lines about Methe. One about her eyes being the things that trapped his soul, her icy blues. Every time she flicked through the pages, she’d come across another song with her name all over it.

By the time she had gotten to what she thought was the last song of their first album, she had found three songs that he had written her name all through, yet crossed them out again.

‘Demolition Lovers.’ Demolition? Yes, if anything, that’s what we would be, but lovers? No. Not anymore.’

‘Drowning lessons.’

‘Our lady of sorrows.’ He caused all the sorrow he is preaching about.’

Again, a tear slipped from her eye, landing on the page, slightly smearing the ink. Panicked, Methe grabbed a tissue and carefully blotted the page until the water of blue and red was dry and continued on.

The next page in particular made her breath hitch. At the top was the word ‘ROMANCE’ written in bold red writing. It was a musical interlude that they had created, no lyrics, yet there were words all throughout the page.

‘Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me, my love…stay away from me, my dear Em, for your own sake. I miss you. I love you. I always will.’

It was like a mantra, a prayer to a nothing god. Or maybe there was one there if she had truly found a way back to him, even if it was against everything in her and her will. Not bearing to look at that page anymore, she continued on.

Reaching the part where he had written ‘Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge’s songs, she continued to look, unable to stop herself.

‘Cemetery Drive.’ I miss you, I miss you so far, and the collision of your kiss.’ Her name was crossed out once again at the end. The more she dug, the more she uncovered.

‘I Never Told You What I Do For A Living.’ I tried, and we’ll love again, we’ll laugh again, we’ll cry again, and we’ll dance again, but it's better off this way.’ Another tear slipped down Methe’s cheek, leaving inky black rivulets in its wake.  She read the crossed-out ink of a plea for her to let him try again.

‘To the End.’ She felt stupid. She should’ve known. She felt furious with him. She couldn’t believe he used a promise he had made to her long ago in his lyrics and then treated her like the gum under his boots.

‘Give Em' Hell Kid.’ I miss you more than I did more than I did yesterday.’ With each word, it chipped at that wall, and with each word, she bubbled with anger.

‘The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You.’ The way he wrote her into such lyrical masterpieces not only did her stomach flutter, but her brain swirled as she tried her hardest to catch the butterflies.

‘It’s Not a Fashion Statement, It’s A Deathwish.’ Those Butterflies burned in the fiery pits of her rage as she slammed the book shut a threw it back to its original location. Her head spun as she tried to figure out if she should’ve been swooned by his need to write multiple songs about her after so many years or if she should’ve been storming over to him and slapping him in the face.

If he wanted her to come back to him so bad, why would he push her away? If he hated her so much, why would he write such things about him? Was he just as strung up about their past as her? None of which she would ever get an answer to, so she decided to do the next best thing she could think of.

Finding Gerard’s bag, she reached into the small pocket and pulled out a small bag of white powder. At least then she’d be able to feel only one emotion at once and maybe even make sense of the whole situation.