Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Alicia Gardner kissed her husband goodbye in the elevator of Lockhart, Gardner & Gardner before getting off on the 28th floor, she did not consider the possibility that it might be the last time she’d ever get to touch him again. 

“I’ll love you forever.” She whispers against his lips. 

“I’m okay with that.” Will responds with a tender smile before closing the miniscule gap between them and kissing her lips. 

These words had become their thing since their wedding day sixteen years ago, when Alicia fluffed her way through the last of her vows, forgetting the latter part of her speech and unable to read the paper in her hands through her tears. 

Had she known, however, how her day would unfold –– she might have asked they spend more time in bed or suggest they keep their kids home, they could have used the day off anyway. 

But she didn’t know. She had no idea, and so she didn’t ask. 

Alicia Gardner may be many things –– a loving mom, a good wife, a decent lawyer, but she did not have the gift of foresight. 

Her morning with her family had started out like any other. 

Her son put up his usual fight against getting out of bed. It was the same song and dance his parents were used to. 

“Zach, come on. You have to get up,” She runs a gentle over his tousled dark hair. 

“Five more minutes, Mom.” the thirteen year-old mumbles into his pillow. 

Alicia roles eyes but acquiesces to his request –– moving into the hallway to tap in her husband, who had been waiting standby. 

Will Gardner walks into the young boy’s room only a moment later, to tell him his time is up. It was a tag-team act the two had perfected over the years.

“No,” She could hear her son whine and Will’s laugh in response, as she moves on to the next room. 

Next up, her youngest daughter –– who like her brother, was not a fan of mornings either. 

She kneels besides her daughter’s head, rousing her awake. 

“Wren.” Alicia’s coos softly. 

It’s only a beat before the child starts to come to. “Mommy,” the five year-old huffs, annoyed at being pulled away from sleep, she burrows her little head into her pillow to try to hold on to it for just a few seconds longer. 

“Hey, sleepy head.” Alicia smiles warmly as Wren’s eyes finally flutter open and she rubs at them with the back of her hand. “Time for school.” 

“Ugh,” Wren groans as she sits up. 

She supervises her daughter’s morning routine –– making sure she washes her face, and brushes her teeth, and then helps her put on her uniform before they head out into the kitchen. 

There they find Grace, her other thirteen year-old, dressed pristinely in her own uniform, with a bowl of cereal in front of her and two other bowls set out for her siblings. 

Grace helps her little sister climb onto the barstool next to her, and the five year old immediately digs into her food. 

“Wren, you can take smaller bites, sweetheart.” Alicia chuckles in amusement. “Breathe, baby.” She tries to remind her because the girl always ate like a starving man in the desert, a habit she never grew out of since she was a baby. 

Alicia drops a kiss to the back of her eldest daughter’s light brown wavy hair on her way to start two pots of coffee –– decaf for her and a regular black for Will.

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

Grace nods in agreement, “I do.” She beams proudly. 

“And so humble.” The older woman laughs. 

Will and Zach appear in the kitchen moments later. “Morning Mom,” the boy greets tiredly as he joins sisters at the island. 

“He’ll be fine once the sugar hits,” Will jokes, sidling up to her and grabbing his blue mug of coffee to add sugar. 

Alicia shrugs in response, not phased by the teen’s current mood. She does, however, frown at her husband, holding up her own red mug of decaffeinated coffee. “I hate this. I miss the good stuff.” She says, nodding in the direction of his cup, and he snickers as he wraps an arm around her, pulling her closer into his side, and pressing his lips to her temple.

Will offers her his mug, “You know one sip won’t hurt you.”

Alicia looks down at the curve of her belly, which at 16 weeks was starting to show off in earnest. 

She shakes her head with a pout, turning him down. “I really shouldn’t,” she sighs, “As tempting as your offer sounds, I woke up with no morning sickness today and I don’t want to risk it.”

“Suit yourself,” Will teases, a boyish smirk on his lips as he takes a sip of his brew. 

Alicia narrows her eyes at him for a moment, and then she’s fervently kissing him. Tasting the remnants of the Folgers coffee on his tongue. “That’ll have to do for now,” she says to a stunned Will. She barely has time to react before he’s kissing her again. 

They pull apart at the sound of their son fake gagging, “Guys, come on,” the teeanger groans. “Not at the breakfast table.”

“We’re not at the breakfast table,” Will quickly retorts back, motioning that they were in fact not at the island but still by the counter where the coffee machine sat. 

“Zach, don’t be such a doofus,” Grace rolls her eyes at her twin. “They’re in love. I think it’s sweet,” she beams at her parents. 

“Me too!” Wren chimes in, not wanting to be left out of the conversation. 

Alicia’s eyes widen somewhat comically as she looks at her daughters, “Grace, don’t call your brother a doofus, you know –– ”

“What’s a doofus?” Wren asks innocently. 

How Wren likes to repeat things, is what the mother mentally adds. 

Alicia shakes her head, “See,” she snickers. “If I get a call from Renny’s school later, I know exactly which kid to ground,” she teases, her eyes narrowing impishly at her daughter. 

“But I want to know!” Wren whines in exasperation — ever the curious one. 

Grace just shrugs, giggling as she goes back to eating her cereal. 

“Don’t worry about it Renny,” she tells her sister. “It doesn’t matter.” 

The little girl scrunches up her face in confusion, “Then why did you say it?” 

Will laughs as he leaves his wife’s side to lean on the island. “Face it, bud,” He claps Zach’s back gently, “You’re outnumbered.” 

“Yeah, whatever,” the boy says, and even though he is rolling his eyes as he picks up his spoon, Alicia can see the hint of a smile ghost his lips. 

In that moment, as Alicia listens to her husband engage with their kids about the day ahead, trading gentle jabs back and forth with their oldest, and drinking her horrible decaf coffee… she’s happy beyond measure. Happier than she’s ever been. 

There’s a knock at the front door before a key turns in the lock, “Morning Gardner Family!” is how Marissa Gold, their nanny and long-time family friend announces her arrival. 

“‘Rissa!” Wren shouts in greeting, as the curly haired woman makes her way into the kitchen. 

“Tiny Garden!” The younger woman greets back just as enthusiastically. 

Marissa hugs Alicia and nods hello towards Will and the older kids, “There’s coffee if you want some.” The lawyer says. 

Marissa gasps in delight, “Thank you!” She says gratefully as she reaches for a mug in the cabinet in front of her and pours herself a hearty cup. “I need this today.”

The younger woman casts her eyes over Alicia, “Whoa! Look at you mama, you weren’t showing this much a few days ago.” She comments offhandedly.

Alicia smooths her hand over her bump, “Yeah? You think people will notice?” She jests. 

“Oh, they might,” Marissa snorts as she brings her mug to her lips.   

“Rough night?” Alicia asks, changing the subject. 

“Technically, I haven’t gone to sleep yet –– so my night hasn’t even ended.”

Alicia raises an eyebrow and Marissa chuckles in response,  “You don't want to know,” the young woman says with a shake of her head. 

“Well, you can always crash here if your roommates get too rowdy and you really need a nap.”

They talk through a bit more of the kid’s schedule for the day but before long, it’s time for everyone to get going. 

“Marissa, don’t forget Wren’s got half a day today. She’s meeting Will at the Courthouse when they break for lunch later.”

The young nanny nods in acknowledgement, “Courthouse. Noon. Got it.” She says, making her way to the front door to wait for the children to say goodbye to their parents. 

Grace takes her and her sister’s bowls to the sink, and then hugs Will and Alicia goodbye before heading off to grab her backpack from her room. 

Wren tugs on Will’s pant leg, asking to be picked up and her father complies. She wraps her arms around his neck, “You have a good day at school, kiddo.” Will kisses the side of her head, “And please be good to your teachers.” 

The little girl was easygoing in nature –– generally well behaved, and always eager to learn. Not much could really rattle her peace but she was also not above arguing with her teachers if there was something she perceived as wrong.  

Wren smiles cheekily, “Always.” She puts her hands on his face and squeezes his cheeks, “Love you, Daddy,” She says before pecking his lips. 

Will tickles her sides causing her to giggle, until she’s begging him to put her down. “Love you too, kid. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

Wren walks over to her mother and wraps her arms around her legs, “Have a good day, sweet girl.” The older woman says as she sends her off in the same direction as her sister. 

In retrospect, had Alicia had that pesky gift of foresight, what happened next would have tipped her off that today would be different. 

Zach, who’s been fully embracing his new status as a teenager, hadn’t been as affectionate with them as he once was. More often than not, these days he shies away from gentle caresses or rebuffs hugs. And while Alicia respected his newfound need for space, she was having a hard time shaking the image of the little boy who always demanded smiley faces on all of his pancakes. 

Today, however, he hugs Will goodbye. And the only thing Alicia could do was watch the scene unfold with an indescribable warmth in her chest and a soft smile as Will hugs him back. 

“Later, Dad.” the teenager says when he pulls back. A small smirk tugs on his lips as he adds, “Kick ass in court today.”

Ah, there it is. The boundary pushing. 

“Zach,” Alicia sputters, stunned momentarily by the young boy’s words. 

“Ha!” Will laughs breathlessly, ruffling his son’s dark hair. “We’ll talk about that one later.” He gently pushes Zach away and points him in the direction of the door. “Go grab your stuff or you’ll make everyone late.”

Once at work –– nothing felt amiss either. 

Will left for court soon after they arrived and he dropped by her first like he alway he did. Tapping on her glass wall to get her attention before opening the door. 

“I’m heading out,” he tells her. 

Alicia looks up at him standing in the doorway, smiling as she takes her glasses off and leans back in her chair. 

“I’ll see you later.”

Alicia starts nodding, but then remembers, “Wait, I’m taking Grace to her Pointe Shoes fitting after school. Can you get started on dinner?” 

“Sure,” Will easily agrees with a playful smile. “How hard can frozen pizza be?”

His wife tsks in disapproval, “Will.” 

“I got it, don’t worry.” He laughs, pushing away from the door. “I’ll see you at home.” 

He wants to kiss her and she knows it, but there’s too many people roaming the halls. It wouldn’t have been unusual, but they do try to have some decorum while they’re on the clock. Will and Alicia had been married longer than most of their current staff have been working for them, but they always kept it above board at work. 

Later, when she replays this scene in her mind, turning it over and over, she’ll wish that he had kissed her. Professionalism be damned. 

“Good luck,” she says through pursed lips instead. 

They’d been working on the Jeffrey Grant defense for quite some time now. Grant stood accused of killing his classmate –– but Will couldn’t tell which way the jury was leaning at this point. He was working through a plan b strategy in real time to save his client from a guilty verdict… or at the very least grant him a lighter sentence. 

It was as mundane as a Wednesday could be. 

Alicia spent the rest of her morning prepping for a deposition in another Chumhum suit. 

And she worked up until her friend, Eli Gold, dropped by her office under the guise of talking about a mutual client, though they spent more time laughing about nothing than the actual client. 

She had no idea that in just a matter of hours her life would be so brutally upended. 

—

Alicia was looking through some of Will’s old case files in the office… something about a precedent she won’t recall later, when she got a call from Diane Lockhart. 

The lawyer had been so caught up in her reading, she had missed several of her colleague’s attempts at phoning her already. 

It’s funny… the little things one remembers before tragedy strikes. 

Like… Alicia remembers glancing at her watch before picking up the phone to answer. She remembers marking the time in her mind as being 3:10PM… and realizing that she would have to leave her office soon if she was to make it to her kid’s school on time to pick Grace up, and then schlep across town to make it to the girl’s shoe appointment. 

But all of that flies out the window the second Diane speaks. 

“Alicia.”

Any words Alicia might have said, wilt on her lips. Diane’s tone gives her pause, akin to a bucket of cold water suddenly being thrown on her. A chill runs down her spine and the nausea she had managed to evade all morning claws at the back of her throat. 

“Alic––” Diane tries again but her voice breaks on the last syllable of her name. 

By the deep timbre of her voice, Alicia knew something was off. 

In all the years since she’s known the blonde lawyer, going all the way back to her Appellate Court Advocacy class in her third year of Law School, she’s never heard Diane Lockhart sound so… grave before.

“Alicia,” Diane tries for the third time –– clearing her throat though her tone is no less dire as her words bubble out brokenly. “Uh, Will’s been shot. There was gunfire in the courthouse.”

The words land like a brick inside Alicia’s brain. 

“He–– What? ”

It doesn’t make any sense… Will and shooting… two words that don’t belong in tandem. 

No, no. There must be some mistake. Surely, Alicia misheard. 

There’s a sudden ringing in her ears as she struggles to cognitively process Diane’s words. The phone goes limp in her hand, and her heart plummets in her chest as her breath suddenly feels short and her stomach bottoms out. 

The nausea she had started to feel at the beginning of this conversation has now manifested into bile and Alicia barely makes it to the trash can on the side of her husband’s desk to retch out her lunch. 

Somehow, in all that, she managed to keep a grip on the phone and she can hear Diane frantically calling her name. Alicia can’t seem to form any real words except for a woeful sound. 

“Can you get to Chicago General?” Diane doesn’t wait for a response, instead she says, “Nevermind, I’ll call Cary. You’re in no state to drive.” 

The pain is too much, and the sorrow Alicia feels in her soul is debilitating. 

She closes her eyes in an effort to stop the room from spinning as she leans back onto Will’s oak desk. The reprieve is short-lived, however, when she suddenly remembers what the plan for the day was. 

Wren.

“Diane,” Alicia says urgently, her head spinning. “Diane what about Wren,” the bile rises up again but she fights against it. “She… and Marissa… they were meeting Will–– ” She dry heaves into the trash can. 

“Alicia,” Diane raises her voice in concern for her friend and the older woman tries to think of a way she can minimize the other woman’s stress. “She’s okay. Wren’s fine and so is Marissa. Kalinda’s got them.”

Alicia nods even though Diane can’t see her –– knowing her daughter and nanny are safe alleviates some of the tension she feels. 

“But not Will.” She sobs haltingly. 

Diane exhales roughly into the phone, “Just… get here, okay?” she says. “Give me a minute to call Cary.”

Alicia doesn’t know how much time passes between the moment Diane hangs up and Cary Agos finds her sitting on the floor of Will’s office. 

“Alicia,” the younger man calls into the room, followed by the sound of his footsteps as he comes around to her side of the desk. 

Alicia turns her head slowly to look up at him… but she can’t exactly see him through her tears. 

Cary had been on his way to drop off some files with Diane’s assistant when he got her call about the courthouse shooting. His boss's quick explanation of the situation caused his steps to falter with each word –– before she was even done speaking, he had changed course, passing off the stack to an intern in the hall and went to find Alicia. 

“Hey,” Cary says lowly, kneeling beside the grief-stricken woman. “Can you get up?” 

Alicia whimpers, moving her head almost imperceptibly. She closes her eyes again for a moment, drawing a shuddering breath to center herself. She didn’t want to move too quickly for fear that it might unsettle her stomach again, her head was still throbbing.  

Cary grabs ahold of her arms and practically pulls her up with him. He watches her for a beat to make sure she doesn’t sway back on her heels. 

“We have to go.” 

Alicia hums in acknowledgement, “Uh… the trash. I–– ”

He understands immediately, “I’ll get somebody on it. Let’s go.” He says, pulling her along behind him. 

Alicia ignores the looks she gets from David Lee, Julius Cain, and the other associates as they make their way to the elevator. Word tends to travel fast in this building, so she can only assume they’ve all heard the news by now from someone.

The car ride towards the hospital was quiet, Cary gripping her hand the entire way to their destination. 

Alicia was grateful for the minimal gesture of comfort –– his steady hand in hers meant a lot more to her in that moment than words could say anyway. Like he was the only thing in that instant that was keeping her grounded. 

When they pull up to the hospital’s main entrance, Diane is already waiting for them outside the automatic doors.

“Go, I’ll come back,” Cary tells her with his phone in hand. 

“Okay,” Alicia finally manages to say, thanking him softly as she gets out of the car. 

The two women meet half way and Diane promptly wraps her arms around her as Alicia breaks down into her shoulder. 

Diane rubs the other woman’s back as she cries. Her heart breaks for her as she falls apart. In their near twenty years of friendship, she’s seen both Will and Alicia graduate Law School, get married, open their firm, and have a family, all while proudly watching them become the formidle attorneys they are today. 

Will was an integral part of all their lives, his absence could very well tilt the world as they knew it on its axis. Diane couldn’t imagine losing him yet, and she wasn’t sure Alicia could stand it. 

She hugs the woman tighter as her own tears, which she’s so far managed to keep at bay, finally rise to the surface. The shock of the afternoon, finally catching up to her. 

Diane pulls back when she hears Alica struggle to breathe. 

“Alicia. Slow deep breaths.” She demands gently, and it’s the kind of firmness the other woman needs. 

Alicia inhales slowly –– counting her breaths as she does so though it doesn’t feel like quite enough. 

When she finally feels like she can speak again, she asks, “How is he? Is he–– ” But she can’t bring herself to finish that sentence without feeling the onset of a panic attack. “You didn’t say… over the phone.”

Diane swallows the lump in her throat, “Uh, I don’t know,” she answers honestly. “Everything has happened so fast. He was rushed into surgery the minute we got here.”

That’s positive, right? It’s something Alicia would keep reminding herself. If he’s in surgery, it means there’s a chance. 

“Okay,” she stutters out. They begin to move towards the door. She pauses, causing Diane to stop and look back at her. They lock eyes, both red and wet, and Alicia wonders if she wants to ask another question –– because a part of her wants to know what the fuck happened but another part of her wanted to remain oblivious. Unfortunately for both of them, the former part won.

“What happened?” Alicia asks, perplexity imbuing her tone. 

Diane’s lips pull into a frown, “I’m not sure,” she starts. “I was in the courtroom across the hall from Will.” She clears her throat as she tries to remember. “I saw him just before he went in. Everything was fine until I heard… gunshots.” 

Alicia’s breath hitches at the words, and Diane casts her eyes over her worriedly. “We don’t have to talk about this now.”

Alicia shakes her head, squaring her shoulders. She was on this train now, she wanted to know, she needed to know. “Tell me. Please.”

“Alicia.” Diane says warily. 

“Tell me.”

Why was Will here? How did he end up shot? How has this otherwise banal day turned into possibly the worst day of her life? 

Diane exhales roughly, “There’s not much I can say because I really don’t know all the details. But I should start by telling you, Alicia… that Jeffrey did this.” 

Alicia cocks her head in confusion, “Jeffrey… Grant?” She repeats slowly. Suddenly angry. “Our client Jeffrey?” 

The older woman shakes her head in confirmation. “He’s been taken into custody. He’s lost every chance at getting out now.”

This fact only makes Alicia more upset. 

Diane tells her friend about her terrible gut feeling immediately following the sound of the first gunshot. Like… she knew exactly where they’d come from but she hated the idea of finding out. The eruption in her own courtroom was almost immediate as well with people briefly in shock before everyone started rushing out of the room at once. 

She could hear people screaming in the hallway, as she walked out of her room in a daze. There were more people running out of Will’s courtroom and fleeing the courthouse in a panic along with the others. 

When Diane finally gained some awareness, she spotted a shell-shocked Wren and Marissa just a few steps away from Will’s door, and she was instantly filled with another sense of overwhelming dread. 

She rushed to them, picking the little girl up and placing her on her hip, fearing she might get knocked over and trampled in the frenzy, and pulling a silent Marissa out behind her. 

They met an alarmed and confused Kalinda by one of the courthouse vendor carts. 

“Oh my God,” Alicia can’t help but gag. “Did Wren hear it?”

Diane's eyes flutter closed as she shakes her head solemnly, “I don’t know,” she shrugs, “I don’t know what time they got there, I just found them. But I can’t even imagine. ”

This time –– Alicia doesn’t fight the nausea that bubbles up in her throat, and she spews into a nearby bush. 

“Christ,” Diane grits out, blue eyes panicked. “We need to get you some water, and you need to sit down.” She eyes Alicia cautiously, knowing this amount of stress is not good for mother or baby, and they are quickly approaching their maximum peak.   

“Where is she?” 

“Inside with Marissa.”

Alicia hurries her steps towards the hospital doors forcing Diane to catch up to her. 

Chapter Text

“Mommy!” Wren cries as soon as she sees her mother round the corner into the waiting area. The little girl jumps out of her chair, running towards her, and Alicia has just enough time to bend her knees and catch her.

Alicia squeezes her youngest daughter tightly to her chest, burying her face in the soft brown curls of her little girl’s head. The flowery scent of her hair mitigating some of the heaviness in her heart. 

“Hi baby,” Alicia peppers her tiny face with kisses, lingering on her temple. “You’re okay.” And it’s more about reminding herself that her daughter is in fact okay , than anything else. 

Wren pulls back to look at her mother, her bright green eyes, now much too cloudy for a five year-old. 

“Aunt Diane said Daddy’s hurt?”

Alicia lets out a heavy breath, fresh tears in her eyes. “Yeah, sweet girl. Daddy’s hurt.” She takes one of her daughter’s hands from her cheek, and kisses her palm. “But they’re gonna fix him.”

She wants to believe that she’s right –– the alternative is too devastating. 

Alicia moves Wren to her hip and the girl lays her head in the crook of her neck. She walks over to a morose looking Marissa, sitting quietly in a chair by the window, and she squeezes the young woman’s shoulder. 

“Have you called your dad?” She asks her softly. 

Marissa startles in her seat, turning to look at her with wide unfocused eyes as if just now realizing where she is. 

“Uh,” the young woman stutters, voice shaky. “I–– no,” she says. 

“I’ll do it,” Diane cuts in. “And please sit down.” She gives her former mentee a warning stare. “I’ll be right back.”

Alicia sits besides Marissa. She wishes she could offer her nanny better words of comfort but she’s barely keeping it together as it was. Marissa could be such a wild card sometimes, but that was part of her charm. Seeing the usually vibrant young woman look so solemn, like she’s had the light snuffed out of her, only added to her own pain. 

Wren settles into her mother’s lap, and she finger combs her hair, drawing the little girl  closer into her body. Given Marissa’s state –– Alicia can’t help wondering how much her daughter actually heard in court. Probably more than they currently realize, and the thought alone is enough to make her shudder. 

She had never been a fan of having their kids in court, Grace’s repeated requests to sit in on hearings to watch them work were often denied even for the lowest grade of offenses. But lunch was innocuous enough, it wasn’t an unusual occurrence, it was just another way for them to spend time together, and eat some deep fried food from a street vendor Alicia would have otherwise not approved of. 

Frankly, the more she turned it over in her head, the angrier she became. At Jeffrey… at herself, even if a part of her recognized that the latter was unfair. She could not control life outside her home, but who gave Jeffrey the right to decide who else to take out with him, and why did that person have to be her Will?

 “Mommy?” Wren’s voice breaks through the fog in her mind. 

Alicia hums in response, “Yeah, sweet girl.”

“Is Daddy gonna be okay?” She turns her head to look at her, and her eyes are wet. 

The tired mother lets out a trembling breath. 

Alicia is trying to hold onto any shred of hope she can find –– the fact that Will had been conscious when he was rushed to surgery, bolstered her somewhat. However, the longer she went without knowing anything else about him, the longer her brain had time to conjure up the worst of scenarios. Her heart was deeply splintered, she had no idea it was possible to feel so empty, and it was almost too much for her to bear. 

She thinks now, she understands what her mother went through when her own father died, the parallel made her a little sick. But Alicia couldn’t fathom losing her husband, surviving that kind of pain seemed insurmountable. She couldn’t make sense of the idea of her children potentially losing their father. They were too young… one of whom might not get to meet him at all. 

She loves Will so much, and she knew deep in her soul she would spend the rest of her life loving him. He knew it too. But now she thinks, maybe she should have told him again before he left her office that morning. 

Wren wipes a lone tear that’s escaped from her eye, and she smiles sadly at her daughter. “I really hope so, baby,” is all she can think of to say.

Before Alicia can spiral any further, Diane is back and pushing a cold bottle of water into her hand. She stops short of just reaching for it as a sudden pain ripples through her back and lower abdomen, halting her breath. It’s gone just as quickly as it came, but she’s not fast enough to hide her troubled look from the other lawyer, who’s staring at her intently through steel blue eyes. 

“I’m fine,” Alicia says briskly, but it sounds weak, even to her. And she knows Diane does not believe her. She shrinks a bit under the other woman’s stare, and she wonders who she’s trying to appease the most: herself or Diane. 

The blonde raises a perfectly sculpted brow, “I swear to God Alicia, if we have to check you into this hospital.” 

If she could laugh at the irony, she would have. But a part of her does register as worried, the stress of the day affecting her physically, and so she works on calming down and takes slow sips of water. 

“Where’s Kalinda?” Alicia asks after several minutes have passed. She thought she would have seen her best friend by now, especially since she brought the others to the hospital. 

“I’m not entirely sure,” Diane shrugs as she paces, realizing she genuinely doesn’t know. She stopped inquiring about their investigator’s comings and goings years ago. “She took off shortly after we got here, but she said she’d be back with the twins.”

As a hush falls over them –– Alicia alternates her time between whispering sweet nothings to help ease her daughter’s distress, and watching Diane do laps across the linoleum floor. In turn, both distractions prove to be beneficial for herself as well, if only temporarily. 

“Mom!” Both women turn to see Zach and Grace running towards them in the waiting area, followed by a more subdued Cary and Kalinda, with Eli and her brother Owen not far behind. 

Diane takes Wren from Alicia’s lap so she can get up and hug her other children. 

Owen presses his lips to her hair when he reaches her side, “Sis.” He says sadly. And Eli squeezes her arm before going to console his daughter. 

“Mom,” Grace sobs, brown eyes swollen and red with tears. “Kalinda said dad got hurt? H–How?” She hiccups. 

“He’s dead isn’t he?”

The instant the words leave Zach’s mouth, he knows they were the wrong thing to say. They suck whatever air was left in the room, and he eyes at his mother regretfully. 

The ripple effect of such an imprudent remark only makes Grace cry harder and sends Wren cowering into Diane’s neck. 

Alicia looks at her son with a crestfallen expression.

And it takes a tremendous amount of willpower she did not know she still had, not to go off on him. In the hours since she found out about the shooting and in the time she’s had to spiral, she’s avoided thinking about death all together. The concept was too unconscionable for her to stomach. 

Zach is almost as tall as she is now but at that precise instant, he might as well have been knee high and asking to be held because of how small he looked. 

She analyzes the way his hazel eyes are just as puffy as his sister’s, signaling that he’d been crying earlier before they got there, and she reminds herself that he's still only thirteen. She reminds herself that Zach is scared, and hurt and reacting to the nightmare situation they’re all currently living in and could never have anticipated. 

Nevertheless, his words still hurt her. They were like a stab to whatever was left of her fragile heart. 

Alicia’s head starts to spin again, and she closes her eyes briefly to steady herself as she swallows down her discomfort. She places her hands on her son’s shoulders. 

“No Zach,” her voice shakes with emotion but it’s still clear and firm. “We don’t know anything yet except that he’s still in surgery.”

Someone steps up next to her, tapping her on the shoulder, and she turns to find Diane looking at her ruefully. “Why don’t you go sit down,” It’s a mild command because the other woman hasn’t forgotten about the incident from earlier, she’s still not convinced her friend is okay. “I got this.”

Alicia nods sluggishly, no fight left in her anyway, and does what she’s told. 

She watches Diane lead her children away and she’s grateful for the seasoned lawyer who’s been like a port in a storm.

As they continue to wait, Alicia takes stock of the people around her. How lucky she and Will are to count this little hodge podge group of people as friends and family because she really doesn’t think she could have gone through this without their support. 

She realizes suddenly, that she doesn’t know if anyone’s called her in-laws, and she makes a mental note to ask about it later. That’s a conversation she’s not looking forward to having. 

Eventually, everyone splinters off into little subgroups. 

Eli is still sitting next to Marissa, trying to coax her out of her catatonia and it seems to be working some. Kalinda and Cary are huddled up in a corner, talking about something Alicia’s not sure she wants to know. Owen had joined Diane in trying to distract the kids with conversation… Well, mostly Wren. The twins were in their own little world talking amongst each other, bonded by a string they’ve shared since birth. 

It was another hour before a Doctor would finally come out of the operating room. 

“Family of William Gardner?” 

“Here!” Diane answers as they all swarm him –– causing the man to take half a step back, stunned by the amount of people who crowd him at once. 

Diane points to Alicia, “Wife.” And the other woman steps forward. 

“I’m Alicia Gardner… my husband. How is he?”

“Hello, Mrs. Gardner. I’m Dr. Robert Ellis,” He shakes her hand and gives her a soft smile. “I treated your husband when he was brought into my OR.” 

The older man takes his cap off, revealing light blonde hair that’s gone gray at the edges. Calmly and patiently he launches into his speech, “Mr. Gardner made it through surgery,” he starts, and the relief that reverberates through the group is palpable. 

The doctor pushes up his glasses as he continues, “He took three bullets, one to the chest, one in the back and another which grazed his neck. His lung collapsed enroute as a result of the first bullet but we’ve repaird it, and thankfully the others missed any major artery. We were able to extract all the metal from his body. He’s also got a broken shoulder from what looks like to be a strong pull. We’ve put him in a coma as he’s lost quite a few liters of blood, and his body will need a head start to aid in the recovery process.” 

“He’s not entirely out of the woods yet but all and all I’m confident Mr. Gardner will make a full recovery but it’s going to take time and a lot of patience. The next 24-hours are crucial.”

Alicia hums, at a loss for what to say. There was a lot tossed at her in a matter of a few minutes.

“Uh, thank you, Dr. Ellis,” is all she can muster. 

“We’ll monitor him and then let you know when you can see him.”

Alicia shakes the doctor’s hand again as he leaves, and she can feel the tightness that’s ceased her shoulders for the past several hours begin to loosen. 

Will was going to be okay. All he had to do was fight a little longer. 

The sounds of her friends and family celebrating the good news brings her out of her stupor. 

Zach and Grace wrap her up in a hug and she holds on to them tightly, pressing a kiss to both their heads. 

“Dad’s gonna be okay, Mom.” Her son smiles at her gingerly, his outburst from earlier not forgotten but she’s already forgiven him.  

Alicia tenderly cups his cheeks, “He is.” She nods resolutely. “He’s going to be just fine and we’re going to help him, okay?” 

She sends him off in the direction of Diane and his sisters and watches as he tickles Wren, whispering something in her ear to make her laugh. Tears prickle her eyes at the sight, but they’re cathartic. They still had a long road ahead of them, but it warmed her heart to see her children gain a little of their joy back. 

Alicia places her hands over her belly and lets out a deep breath as Kalinda walks up to her, “Hey, you doing alright?” the shorter woman asks, concerned. 

“Oh,” She jolts. “I’m fine.” 

Kalinda eyes her suspiciously and the other woman rolls her eyes good-naturedly. “I swear,” the lawyer responds defensively. 

“It’s just been a really long day,” Alicia huffs. She turns towards her best friend, “Look, I know you’re not a hugger, but I’m going to hug you anyway.” 

Kalinda snorts, accepting the hug. 

“If you try anything or if you already have… against,” She trails off not wanting to say Jeffrey’s name out loud. “You know… I don’t want to know.” 

Kalinda lips pull mischievously, shrugging a shoulder. “I get it. Plausible deniability.” She shakes her head, “But don’t worry about it, nothing I do will ever implicate you.” Her tone grows more serious then, “He’s my best friend too, Alicia.” 

Alicia’s eyes water again –– and she’s beginning to wonder when that will stop. At this point, she’s not sure how many tears she’s got left to produce. 

“I know,” She says, wiping under her eyes. “Okay,” she exhales heavily. “I need a minute.” 

She pulls away from the other woman, and gives a tight-lipped smile at Cary as he approaches them. 

“Mom,” Alicia stops before she gets too far as Grace catches up to her. “Can we go get a snack?” the teen asks. 

It dawns on her then that they had all missed dinner. “Yes, of course.” She tells her daughter. “Take Owen.” 

Chapter Text

Alicia had intended to find a bathroom and freshen up after all the hours she’s just spent crying but she never made it there. 

Instead, the tightness she had felt in her belly earlier was back. Each step forward sent a pang through her lower abdomen, the sensation akin to what she assumed was being knifed several times, and it filled her with a new sense of dread. Alicia couldn’t ignore the pain any longer or pass it off as something else, every alarm bell in her head is telling her this isn’t normal. It’s unlike anything she’s ever felt before. 

Her legs felt like gelation by the time she reached the nurses station. 

The tears were back in full force, and it seemed like that definitely wasn’t going to stop anytime soon after all. It was comical in the sense that it wasn’t comical at all. How much worse could her day get? Because when it rains it certainly pours. 

Alicia stops short of reaching the help desk, doubling over slightly as the pain intensifies, arresting her breath. 

“Alicia.” She registers the sound of Kalinda’s panicked voice coming from somewhere but she’s momentarily blinded by the pain. Unable to give the other woman more than a grunt of acknowledgement. 

“Nurse!” Kalinda calls urgently, trepidation filling her tone as Alicia goes slack against her and she has to wrap an arm around her friend to hold her up. 

The lawyer tries to speak again but can only mewl. 

“Nurse!” And she’s yelling fervently now, louder, because the first time wasn’t enough. 

Two nurses rush around them, seemingly appearing out of nowhere, asking her what’s wrong but Alicia can’t speak. 

“She’s pregnant and she needs help. Right now!” Her best friend answers for her instead. 

The last thing Alicia remembers before losing consciousness was a male nurse carrying her onto a gurney. 

When she wakes up several minutes later, she’s groggy and disoriented. Not sure how she ended up in a hospital bed, but it’s only a moment before she starts to remember. Right. Shit. Diane’s gonna kill me. 

Alicia taps the back of her head against the bed she’s lying in, swallowing the boulder sized lump in her throat. She tries to move only to find she’s attached to an I-V, a pressure cuff, and there’s a fetoscope around her stomach. 

As the memories of the last few hours rush back to her, her heartbeat spikes and the EKG machine by her head goes off. 

She places a delicate hand over her stomach as her eyes flutter closed, trying to tune out the incessant beeping of the machine and concentrates on calming her breathing. Alicia’s comforted somewhat by the faint sensation of her child moving below her hand. A feeling she had only just started to recognize within the last few days.  

“Mrs. Gardner, you really need to try to calm down.” A doctor appears at her side and the lawyer’s eyes fly open. 

Alicia raises an irked brow, “I am.” She snaps, and instantly regrets it. She looks at the doctor apologetically. 

The woman waves it off, pressing a few buttons on the machine to cut off the sound. 

“You’re alright,” the other woman informs her with a placid quirk of her lips, “Your friend Kalinda brought me up to speed. You’ve had quite a day.”

The doctor holds out a hand, blue eyes bright as she introduces herself, “I’m Dr. Eliza Edwards. The OB-GYN on-call.” 

Alicia shakes her hand awkwardly, her mobility limited by the I-V and cuff she’s still attached too. 

“We’re going to keep those on for now, if you don’t mind,” Dr. Edwards says rhetorically. 

Alicia shakes her tired head in acknowledgement, “How’s my baby?” 

“Well, you both gave us quite a scare,” Dr. Edwards starts, her red curls bouncing, “But there’s no sign of per-term labor, so that’s great. You are, however, dehydrated and your blood pressure is higher than it should be, but that can be attributed to the type of day you’ve never suffered from it before?” The doctor lets the last part hang, and Alicia shakes her head negatively. “We’re monitoring the baby’s heartbeat for any possible signs of distress but so far all readings have been normal.” 

The lawyer breathes a sigh of relief. 

“I do want to do an ultrasound for a better picture.”

Dr. Edwards rolls a machine around her bed and she lifts up her blouse. 

“Is this your first?” The other woman asks in pleasant conversation. 

“Fourth, actually.” Alicia snorts as the doctor arches a brow up in interest. “I have a set of twins. My husband likes to joke we got them as part of a buy one get one free sale.” She shakes her head at the thought, and smiles wistfully at the memory of Will’s awestruck face on that day –– he had accepted the news a lot quicker than she did. “It was a surprise, that’s for sure. I think I was in denial at one point.” 

Dr. Edwards shakes her head in understanding, “I get it. No one ever really plans for twins.” She squeezes the cold gel onto Alicia’s stomach. 

Alicia rests her head back against the pillow behind her again, staring fixedly at an invisible spot on the ceiling. She wishes Will was there to hold her hand. She believed the doctor when she said her baby was fine, but ultrasounds made her unreasonably nervous and she could never shake the jitters, no matter how many times she’d sat through them in the past. 

Will’s warm hand in hers and his terrible jokes were always a nice distraction to whatever was happening on screen. 

“Mom.” Her head snaps towards the door to find three worried eyes looking back at her.

Alicia gives her children a small smile, “You found me.” 

“Kalinda said a doctor wanted to check up on you? Are you okay?” Grace shifts her eyes to Dr. Edwards. “Can we come in?”

“Sure!” the other woman responds happily. “Your mom was just talking about you guys.” 

Grace introduces herself and her siblings as the doctor waves them in. 

“Wren threatened to scream if we didn’t find you.” Alicia knows Zach is kidding but she can detect the hint of unease clouding his voice, and she hates the thought of making her kids worry about her. That was her job. 

Nevertheless, she chuckles lowly as her youngest narrows her eyes at her older brother, gaping at him, “No I didn’t!” the little girl says indignantly. 

Zach lifts Wren onto the edge of their mother’s bed. “Are you okay, Mommy?” 

“So much better now that you're here, Renny.” 

Wren beams at her for a second, and then turns her head to stick her tongue out at Zach, “See,” she says, “I told you she needed us.”

Alicia squeezes her daughter's little fingers in appreciation. 

"Wasn't Owen on kid duty?" She asks the older two. 

Zach and Grace shrug in response, avoiding eye contact with their mother and suddenly at a loss for words. 

Alicia frowns. "You guys just can't sneak off like that," she admonishes with a sigh, and she wasn’t upset that they had run off to find her but at least they had the good sense to look chastised. 

Dr. Edwards jumps in then, holding back a laugh as she gets the family’s attention and the twins perk up gratefully. 

The doctor winks at them as she asks, “Y’all want to see something cool?”

“Always,” Zach answers for him and his sisters as the girls nod in agreement. 

Dr. Edwards moves the doppler over Alicia’s stomach until she finds what she’s looking for. “How about a baby?” She smiles as she turns the screen to face them. 

“Ooh,” the girls coo. 

With her pinky finger, the older woman points out a swirling motion on the screen, “That’s your baby’s heart.” She flips the switch and a swishing sound fills the room. “It’s about 150 to 180 beats per minute.”

“Is that fast?” Grace asks, taking in the sound in awe as stares at the image on the screen. 

“No,” the doctor assures. “That’s perfectly normal. Your baby’s quite active. Have you felt anything yet?” She asks Alicia.

“Sometimes,” Alicia drawls in wonder. “They’re like little butterfly flutters.”

“Butterflies?” Wren giggles, “That’s silly, Mommy.”  

The mother’s eyes glide between the screen and the children next to her –– all showing different variations of awestruck looks on their faces. And she commits this moment to memory to share it with Will later. Alicia has never believed in any sort of higher power , and she wasn’t sure she’d start believing in it now, but she was still grateful that in lieu of her husband missing out on this experience with her, she still got the privilege to share it with their kids. 

“Would you like to know what it is?” 

Three heads turn to look at Alicia at once. “Do we?” Grace tries to keep her voice even but she’s buzzing with barely controlled excitement. 

“Is it too early?” Zach asks, eyes gleaming in anticipation.

Dr. Edwards shakes her head, “I don’t want you to be terribly disappointed if we don’t see anything tonight, but we could get lucky,” She tells the young boy. “You might see more at your next ultrasound in a few weeks.” She then says to Alicia, and then she turns to look at Zach again, “It’s not too early but it really just depends on the position of the baby.”

“Well,” Alicia says, “If you can see anything, we’d love to hear it.” And she takes great pleasure in the resounding squeals of elation. 

The doctor moves the doppler to another spot, taking measurements of the image as she goes along. She stops as a smirk overtakes her face. “Like I said, I don’t want you to be too disappointed if we can’t see it.” 

“You know, don't you?” Zach is quick to call her out, “You’re smiling.” He observes. 

“Okay, okay,” Dr. Edwards relents briskly with a giddy shake of her shoulders because this was her favorite part. “I do know. Our tiniest patient is very compliant. Now you can get a second opinion if you want, but I’m pretty confident in saying Mrs. Gardner, that you’re having… a boy.” 

“No way!” Zach cheers, eyes bright and face open, as his sisters also voice their enthusiasm. “Mom, we’re even now.” He references part of their conversation from earlier that morning, and the tears she’s just managed to stop shedding rise up again though she keeps them at bay. 

Instead, Alicia just huffs a small laugh. She doesn’t have the heart to tell him that Will would never vote against her. 

—

Alicia is given a clean bill of health shortly after her ultrasound, and seeing no reason to keep her, Dr. Edwards lets her go. And she purposely ignored Diane’s hard stare after returning to their group, distracting herself by attending to her children’s needs or talking to literally anyone else. 

When a nurse appeared a while later, to tell them it was okay to visit Will, Alicia decided she would stay with him overnight while everyone else would go home –– they’d all been at the hospital long enough. Diane didn’t fight her on it, knowing she wouldn’t have been able to change the other woman’s mind anyway, but she did concede to having Owen pick her up early the next the morning after dropping the kid’s off at school.

“If you need anything, call.” Diane tells her seriously, squeezing the other woman’s forearms. 

Alicia nods, obliged. “I will.” 

“Take care of yourself, Alicia.” 

“I’m surrounded by doctors, I think I’ll be okay.” the younger woman says as sags tiredly into the chair next to her husband’s bed.  

Diane laughs humorlessly, “Ha… that’s not funny.” 

To say the days that followed were rough , would be an understatement. 

Her house had quickly descended into chaos as both her in-laws and her mother showed up. Will’s parents, Paul and Sandy had driven the three hours from Springfield, and Veronica had dropped in from… wherever she had been, Alicia did not know.

When Owen dropped her off the morning after she was immediately swept up in hugs and bombarded with questions she still wasn’t sure how to answer. Alicia wasn’t the type to be coddled, but she was happy for the support, especially as she began to deconstruct the last several hours of her life and just how close she’d come to losing the love of her life in one of the most horrific ways. 

She spent most of her time at the hospital during the day –– preferring the humdrum atmosphere of the busy building rather than the relative quiet at home. The steady rhythm of Will’s heart monitor and seeing the rise and fall of his chest was reassuring to her. It was all a physical reminder that he was still alive and it allayed the fears she was often plagued with at night. 

Nights were the worst. 

In the years since they’ve been together, Alicia had never cared to sleep without Will, and she cared even less for it now. Once the kids had settled in bed, she’d walk past their bedroom… contemplate getting in, and then move on to the guest room. Their bed seemed too big, too empty, too lonely. 

Sleeping in the guest room, however, did nothing for her dreams. Lucid as her dreams were, she slept fitfully anyway. In spite of the constant reassurances from the doctor that Will was getting better by the day, that he could soon come off the ventilator, Alicia feared that could change at any moment. So, she would tepidly close her eyes, wary of the tricks her mind would play on her.

On the third night after the shooting, she tried sleeping in her own bed again, and it went as well as one might expect. 

Leerily, Alicia closed her eyes. Consciously fighting sleep as she was prone to do lately. Same as it had been for the past several nights, but eventually she nods off –– only to be met with the same set of grim images that tauntingly played on loop behind her eyelids. 

They would start with her staring down the barrel of Jeffrey's gun. And then she would see Will falling as red mars the floor of the courtroom. Then, she’d see him gurgle through his last breath, helplessly watching as the blood poured from the wound in his neck and the light drained from his eyes. 

The next image was of her daughter –– standing outside the door of the courtroom, frozen and crying as dozens of frantic people pushed by her to get away from the sounds of gunfire, running into her.

Sometimes she would dream of a world where she didn’t end up with Will at all. A world in which he died, and then there was no chance for them. Alicia didn’t like that world, she was miserable and she didn’t like who she was in it either. 

When she started seeing both Will and Wren inside the courtroom with Jeffrey, that’s when she would forcefully pull herself from sleep. Unable to stand it any longer.

“Mom,” Alicia’s eyes instantly fly open at the sound of her eldest daughter’s voice. 

“Grace?” 

“Hey,” The teen smiles for a moment before pouting. “Can I sleep with you?” She asks apprehensively, eyes cautious, as if worried that she might be turned away. And suddenly Alicia gets a glimpse of the little girl she used to be. The little girl who would wedge herself between her parents whenever she had a nightmare because the only safe place she could find was the one between them. 

Alicia sits up, sliding back against the headboard as she nods in agreement, “Yeah, sweetheart.” 

Grace is snuggling up to her before she could even finish getting the words out, and the woman chuckles, as she wraps an arm around her, kissing her hairline. 

“I miss him,” her daughter whimpers. 

Alicia exhales a tired breath, “Oh, baby, I miss him too.” 

“Why did that guy do that?” The young girl wonders aloud, and her mother tightens her hold around her. 

“I don’t know,” Alicia answers –– and then she decides to be honest, knowing her daughter would be receptive. “And I’m struggling really hard not to hate him.”

Grace pulls back some to look up at her, green eyes teary but understanding, showing no signs of judgment. “Did you think he was guilty?” She asks carefully. “You know… before he hurt Dad?”

Alicia hesitates before answering, “Maybe… yes.” She settles on truthfully. “But your father didn’t think so. And he was going to fight for him.” 

The young girl hums, “That sounds like Dad.” Her eyes flutter closed for a second and then she adds, “I don’t think that guy could live with himself after what he did. And that’s why he lost it. I heard Kalinda say he tried to kill himself.” Grace rolls her eyes, “He didn’t have to take Dad down with him though.” 

“Grace,” Alicia drawls the syllable, though there’s no bite in her tone. “What did I say about eavesdropping?”

The teen huffs and then smiles crookedly,  “That it’s only wrong if you get caught?” 

“No,” Alicia snorts with a shake of her head.

The door of the bedroom creaking open slowly, causes both of them to turn their heads towards the sound. Neither have to wait very long to know who it is as a little head full of brown curls peaks from around the door. 

“Hey!” Wren pulls the door open wider, a pout on her face at the sight of her mother and older sister. “You beat me.” the five year-old says to Grace. “I was gonna come here first.” 

At least that had been her plan… until she fell asleep. 

Alicia chuckles at her youngest daughter’s petulance, “Well, there’s still plenty of room Renny.”

The little girl rushes over, not needing to be told twice, and climbs onto her mother’s other side. 

She wriggles around a bit until she’s comfortable, cuddling up to the older woman’s warmth. “Hi,” Wren giggles. “Much better.”

“Did you have a nightmare?” Alicia asks, worrying her lip.

Wren nods slowly, lips turning down into a frown. “Yeah, I didn’t like it,” she sighs. “Grandpa checked for monsters… but I don’t think he did it right.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alicia softens, smoothing a hand over her daughter’s side. 

“Nope,” Wren says. “Not really.” 

Alicia’s lips thin in response –– she knows they’ll have to deal with this soon but she’ll respect her daughter’s wishes and let it go for now. 

The creak of a floorboard outside brings all three girl’s attention back to the door, and Alicia smiles knowingly. 

“Zach.” She calls towards the door… and it’s only a beat before it opens to reveal the teenager on the other side. 

“Would you like to come join us too?” Alicia offers, motioning to all the space they still had. 

She’s relieved, actually. That this is the turn her night has unexpectedly taken –– having all her kids together in bed with her, she couldn’t recall the last time that’s happened, but she knows it’s been years.  

Zach hangs back by the door, leaning against the frame and holding onto some of that invisible teenage bravado. “I was getting some water when I heard voices.” 

“Sure you were.” Grace giggles. 

“I was!” The boy says indignantly. “I just wanted to make sure you guys were okay.” 

And he looks so much like Will in that moment. Boyishly handsome with his eyes downcast, and a mop of brown hair in his face. He feigns nonchalance, but his mother knows different. 

“Zach, just get in here!” Grace rolls her eyes at her twin. 

He pushes off the door frame and pads into the room, “Fine,” he says. “Because you asked so nicely.”

He makes his way to his sister’s side and climbs in. 

Alicia shakes her head at her twin’s bickering, relaxing into the headboard. 

Wren is the first to fall back asleep, and the quiet conversation of the twins fizzled out soon after. 

She takes comfort in the sounds of her children breathing, hoping it will lull her to sleep as well. 

“Mom,” the young boy whispers quietly. 

Alicia opens one eye and then the other, turning to see her son is wide awake and looking up at her through bashful hazel eyes. 

She hums for him to continue, “I’m sorry about the other day.” It takes her a moment to recall what he’s talking about… but then she remembers. Right . 

“You know–– ” Zach trails off, not wanting to repeat it exactly. “What I said. About Dad. I didn’t mean it. I wasn’t thinking.”

And just like Grace did earlier, he suddenly looked so small –– her little boy with the flushed chubby cheeks and freckly face. The one who used her chest as a head rest whenever they watched movies and he would subsequently fall asleep halfway before the credits even rolled. 

Alicia reaches over to push some of his hair back from his eyes. “I’m not upset anymore, baby.” And then she decides to be honest again. “But it did hurt to hear you say it so glibly.” She accepts his apology with a tender smile and tells him so because he needs to hear it as well. “I know you didn’t mean it. You were hurt too.” 

“Now sleep,” She coaxes gently. 

“What about you?” Zach asks through a yawn.  

“I’ll try too.”

Chapter Text

It’s a week before Will finally regains consciousness. 

Groggy and disoriented –– he slowly opens his eyes only to shut them again against the harshness of the fluorescent lights. 

He gives it a beat… mentally counting to five before fluttering his eyes open again. 

His eyes shift left, taking in the sun rays beaming through the window and then they shift right. His lips tick upward at the sight of his wife –– sleeping sideways in an uncomfortable chair, one hand holding up her head and the other on her belly with a case file open on her lap. 

Will tries to take a breath but stops short of exhaling. The pain that suddenly erupts  through chest is molton, hot, and his eyes water instantly. 

He mewls, the sound raw and guttural from somewhere deep in the back of his throat, and it’s enough to wake Alicia. 

Alicia shoots up straight in the chair, papers falling to the floor as she turns around to look at him with wide green eyes. “Will?” His name on her lips is breathless, as if she can’t believe he’s actually awake. “Holy shit.” 

When Will tries to speak, he chokes instead –– his throat burns and he can only grunt in response and he quickly grows agitated at his sudden inability to communicate. 

“Baby, hold on.” Alicia says shakily. “Oh my God, stop fighting.” She tells him hurriedly, moving to press a button several times over his head. “I have to call a nurse, they have to take the tube out.”

It was only when she mentioned the word tube that he looked down at himself, and realized there was, in fact, a tube lodged in his throat. 

What the fuck.  

The EKG machine by his head goes off and Alicia squeezes his hand reassuringly. She bends forward to brush her lips over his hairline, “Please don’t panic, honey. It’ll only get louder.”

It doesn’t take long for a nurse to rush in, followed by the doctor but it feels like an eternity to Alicia as she watches her husband struggle. 

“Hello Mr. Gardner, I’m Dr. Ellis,” the older man greets him. “Please try to relax. We have to take the tube out first, and nurse Ann will check your vitals. Once that’s over, I’ll go over what happened.”

It’s several minutes before Will is free of the tube and breathing normally again, albeit somewhat fitfully. 

He takes slow sips from a straw in a cup of water his wife holds up for him, and it eases the ache in his throat as Dr. Ellis goes over his injuries and explains what they did to fix the damage. 

Will is only half listening, his brain unable to comprehend that he’d been gone for the past six days. He eyes Alicia perplexed, who in turn shrugs with pursed lips. He attempts to recall the event that landed him here –– in a hospital bed with a collapsed lung, broken arm and shoulder, and a time gap of six days, but his memories around all that are fuzzy at best. 

“We’ll come back and check on you later Mr. Gardner, we still have to discuss physical therapy, but that can wait until later.” the doctor backs out of the room as he says so, “Good to have you back!” 

Once alone, Will stares at his wife in bewilderment. 

“A week?” He croaks –– voice thin and squeaky and barely recognizable to his own ears. 

“Yeah.” Alicia drawls lowly, gliding gentle fingers down his arm before moving on to pick up the forgotten papers from the floor.  

Will watches her go, hating the short distance… but he knows what she's doing. Processing. Reckoning with his near death, his revival, and the journey ahead of them. Alicia needed space to sort through all of that, she needed time. And he can give her that, he had a lot of catching up to do himself.

He still isn’t happy with the distance though. 

“Hey,” Will out calls to her, holding out the hand that wasn’t in the sling, beckoning her over. “Leave that, come here.” 

Alicia sets the papers down in her chair, and then steps back towards his side, taking his hand. She entwines their fingers as he pulls her closer, and he can see the toll the week has taken on her. 

Will studies her for a moment –– the tired lines on her face, the blotchy cheeks and the red eyes that tell him she hasn’t been sleeping. He frowns. 

“Talk to me, Leesh.” He murmurs. “I’m still here.”

Alicia’s only response is to sob… and it’s a sound suspended somewhere between a cry and a laugh. 

“Yes,” She shakes her head. “You are.” She leans forward to press their foreheads together, then kisses the bridge of his nose before finally his lips. 

She pulls back too quickly for his liking, and he pouts. “You almost died, Will.” 

He nods somberly, remembering the doctor’s words from earlier that although he’d been conscious as he was rolled into his OR, he had been lost at some point enroute to the hospital. 

“I’m not ready to let go, and I was very scared I’d never see you again.” She scoffs. “I don’t like waking up alone in the morning.”

Will rakes his eyes over her face, pushing back a piece of her hair with his knuckle as he recommits her to memory again. 

This time when Alicia kisses him again, he responds in kind –– tilting his head back as he moves his lips over hers, trying to get as close to her as possible with his limited mobility. He feels her tears on the apples of his cheeks and he pulls back only slightly to swipe a thumb under her eyes, ignoring how the I-V snags on his skin. 

“What do you remember?” Alicia asks him tentatively, moving to sit on the edge of his bed. 

Will hums, cocking his head to the side as he thinks. 

“I remember… ” He starts slowly as the memories flood back to him. “I remember… breakfast. The elevator,” he wags his eyebrows suggestively and Alicia rolls her eyes at that but doesn’t fight the smile that tugs at the corners of her lips. “I remember leaving for court… Did Gracie get her shoes?” He wonders aloud, lost in thought now and he misses the way his wife’s face falls. “And then… Jeffrey?” He trails off. 

Will’s face hardens, “Jeffrey… Did he do this?” His eyes narrow as he looks at her. “Did Jeffrey shoot me?” 

“Yes,” Alicia answers curtly, unable to keep the bitterness from her tone. “You… and several others.” And she considers mentioning Wren’s proximity to the situation as well, but quickly decides to hold off on that for now. One thing at a time. 

“What happened to him?” 

Several answers cycle through Alicia’s mind at once… and briefly she ponders whether or not she should tell Will that she doesn’t care for the other man at all. That if it were up to her, he could die choking on his own blood for all she cared, but she stifles that particular thought for the time being. 

Instead, she settles on what she does know. “He was arrested. He’s never getting out now. As for what came after his arrest, I asked Kalinda not to tell me.” She shrugs, apathetic. 

Will regards his wife for a moment, and then decides she looks much too serious.  

Changing the subject, Will says: “Smart,” as he nods with pursed lips. “I think the kids would miss you if you had to do life in prison.” 

Alicia pauses, wrinkling her nose. “Only the kids?” She plays along. 

“Me too, of course!” Will amends with a wink.

The woman erupts into laughter and it’s like music to his ears. It wasn’t as full on as it usually was, but it’ll do for now. A long time ago Will promised himself that he’d do anything to keep Alicia laughing and he had no plans to back out on that promise anytime soon. 

“But you would visit.” It’s a simple statement of fact because of course he would.

“Absolutely. Every weekend.” Will responds without missing a beat.

They fall into a comfortable silence after that as Alicia plays with his fingers for a few minutes. She then moves his hand to rest on the round of belly, and his eyes instantly sting at the thought of almost missing this –– the new life they’d soon be bringing into the world and the three they already had at home. 

And he’s angry. 

Angry at Jeffrey for almost taking this life from him without so much as a second thought. Without any consideration for the people he loved. 

Will lightly strokes his thumb over his wife’s bump. He can’t imagine missing out on his children’s lives –– missing baseball tryouts or dance recitals or finding out which snack Wren finally settled on for after circle time. 

As it was currently the biggest dilemma in the little girl’s world, “They’re just too many choices, Daddy, and not enough me!.” She would say as she threw herself dramatically into his arms. “And they’re all so good, but I can only pick one.”

A soft hand comes up to cup his cheek, catching the tears that have leaked there and he leans his head into it, closing his eyes at the feeling. He opens them a moment later, locking eyes with his wife who mirrors his same anguished expression. 

And then there’s Alicia. 

Will couldn’t fathom missing out on the rest of their lives together. He had vowed a very long time ago, long before they even made it to the altar, that he would spend the rest of his life loving her. And he promised he would keep showing her just how much he loved her. There wasn’t a world where he wouldn’t fight to be by her side, and he wasn’t planning on changing that now.  

He yawns, suddenly feeling the exhaustion deep in his bones even though he’s spent most of his recent days asleep. 

“You can sleep if you want, honey. I’m not going anywhere.” She tells him softly. 

And she wasn’t –– Alicia hadn’t left his side in five days. Diane had forced her into taking a leave of absence, telling her that she and the other partners were more than capable of holding down the fort without them for a while. She had only allowed Alicia to take home some case files out of fear the other woman would lose her mind without something to keep her busy between the time the kids were at school and Will remaining at the hospital. 

“No,” Will shakes his head. “All I’ve done is sleep. I want to talk to you.” He pushes through it. 

Several moments pass as Alicia catches him up on what he’s missed out on at home in the last few days, and he listens in rapt attention. 

“I texted Owen when the doctor was checking over you, they’ll be by after school.” 

“I can’t wait.” Will says wistfully, missing his rambunctious bunch.  

“Hey,” he says after a beat, suddenly remembering the last few bits of a dream he had right before he woke up. “You know what I was thinking about?” 

“What?” Alicia’s lips pull into a smirk, signaling for him to continue. 

“Do you remember our trip to Chesapeake?” 

She nods lazily, furrowing her brow in bemusement, “Yes, of course I do.” She says, “But that was twenty years ago, what does that have to do with anything now?” 

Will chuckles, ignoring the pain in his chest. “Humor me, love.” 

Alicia sighs, a demure smile on her face. “Okay. What about Chesapeake, Virginia?”

“Do you remember our fishing trip?” 

She wrinkles her nose, and then giggles. “God, yeah.” But she doesn’t recall doing much fishing. 

She closes her eyes, and it’s like she’s right back there. 

—

It was the Friday after midterms during their second year of Georgetown Law School, and seeing as how they had a long weekend ahead of them and some extra free time, they had planned for a weekend away.  

Will and Alicia would make the three hour drive from campus to Chesapeake Bay and stay at one of the local Bed and Breakfasts in the area. Somehow, as they were brainstorming ideas for what to do while there, Will had convinced her to go fishing. 

He chartered a boat, and at Alicia’s dubious expression, he claimed he was perfectly qualified to operate the vessel –– and so they set sail. 

And as they pulled away from shore, she was impressed by his expert maneuvering. His skills as a boatsman had not come up in conversation so far, but they’ve only been together for eight months, and everything was still so new. 

“How often have you gone fishing?” She asks him once they stopped at a spot Will deemed acceptable… because there was a difference. 

Alicia sat crossed legged on a bench, a book in her lap, as she watched him gather the supplies they would need for the day. 

Will props up their fish hooks on the side of the railing and then gets to opening a tub of bait. Earthworms –– and Alicia twists her face in disgust. 

“Several times a year,” her boyfriend answers. “With my dad and sisters,” and then he laughs. “But I don’t think my sisters liked it all that much, though they always caught on quicker than I did.”

He grabs his pole to bait it and launches into an explanation on how to do it and why they’ll use that specific bait. 

It’s kind of gross but also very endearing that he’s taking the time to teach her because she has never fished before. 

“Have you ever been fishing before?” 

Alicia raises her sunglasses above her head, as he hands her her own pole. “Me? Oh, no. I’ve never even been on a boat before.” 

“We’re not an outdoorsy family –– we were perpetual city mice, as they say, when it came to trips and vacations.” He gives her a look, “That wasn’t a complaint,” she laughs. “We were all fine going from city to city. I can’t imagine my mother roughing it on a campground, let alone cooking anything my dad might have caught in the wild.” She giggles again at the image her mind conjures up. 

Will laughs with her, charmed. He holds up a worm in front of her and Alicia sticks out her tongue, pulling back in aversion. 

“Oh come on,” Will snickers. “It’s not that bad.” 

“Is it supposed to be moving?” She grimaces. 

“It’s better if it’s live bait,” He says patiently. 

Alicia sputters, “Ew.” She shakes her hands out before taking the slimy creature and hooking it onto her hook just as Will showed her a few moments ago. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers an apology to the worm.  

Will stares at her fondly, and then leans over to kiss her pouty lips.

“Okay!” He says as he pulls back. “Next lesson is casting.” 

They move towards the side of the boat as he proceeds to demonstrate a few times, showing her how to move her body a certain way so the hook doesn’t get caught in her clothes.

Alicia quickly learns that fishing was more about patience than anything else. 

“What are we trying to catch anyway?” 

Will throws some extra bait in the water in hopes of bringing the fish to them, and then casts out his line again.

“Anything, really.” He answers simply.

“Maybe they just don’t want to get caught today.”  

Will chuckles, “We just started, baby. You gotta give it time.”

Alicia turns her face up at the sky –– it was a really good day for being out on the water. The sky was perfectly overcast with just the right amount of clouds. Which meant they wouldn’t fry under the sun’s harsh rays, but she makes a mental note to reapply their sunscreen later anyway. 

Will reels his line back and she’s momentarily distracted by the way his muscles tense with the exertion. 

“You know,” she starts. “I never thought I’d be so into fishermen.” It’s cheesy but she loves the way his eyebrow shoots up and his lips curl into a smirk. 

“You’re supposed to be paying attention. What if you catch something?”

And she knows there’s a metaphor in there somewhere because now her mind is on something else entirely. 

“I am,” Alicia responds, lowering the pitch of her voice. 

Will laughs, “Not to me. The fish.”

“I can do both,” She says flirtatiously, leaning into his space to whisper the words in his ear. 

She’s having way too much fun watching him to react to her, and for a moment considers forgetting about the fish entirely. 

It was only a short while after that that his line tensed, signaling that he had finally caught one. Will was so excited to show her that he looked almost child-like in his giddiness to reel it in, and she couldn’t help but share in his enthusiasm. 

Alicia is relieved, however, when after show and tell is over, Will throws the fish back. 

Eventually, she opts to go back and sit on the bench. The fish were paying her no mind today, and she was okay with that. Alicia much preferred to watch Will enjoy one of his favorite pastimes anyway, and she could also get back to reading some of the pages from her book that’s been collecting dust on her nightstand for the past several weeks. 

He joins her not long after that, abandoning his pole and laying under the crook of her arm, his head on her chest. She scratches her fingers through his scalp lightly with the hand not holding the book. 

Alicia can’t recall the moment she actually stopped reading and ended up under him… somewhere between the peaceful quiet of the bay, the ebb and flow of the water beneath them, and the way he gazed at her through his lashes with those brown puppy eyes of his… but she wasn’t mad at all. Instead, she enjoyed the delicious weight of Will Gardner on her as they made out on the bench. 

Some time later, when they’ve had their fill of the other, at least for the time being, they decide it was time for lunch. 

“What did you end up getting?” Alicia asks as Will drags the cooler they brought over to them. 

Will had gone out earlier that morning to get their food while she got ready for the day. Her only real request was that he not forget the wine. 

“Only the best for my lady,” he responds, reaching into the cooler and handing her a hotdog from Nathan’s World Famous Hotdogs and her coveted bottle of wine.

Alicia lets out a throaty, full belly laugh. 

Will watches her, eyes bright and completely enamored, as her whole body shakes with laughter. 

“Most of my budget was blown on this boat.” 

It was a very nice boat, Alicia acknowledges. It was decently sized with enough space for them to move around comfortably without fighting for elbow room. 

“This is great,” She brushes her lips over his and he blushes as the tips of ears redden. 

“There’s also a bunch of random cheeses.” 

“It’s fantastic.” Alicia kisses him. 

At that moment, Will doesn’t think he’s ever been happier.

He wants to tell Alicia just how fantastic he thinks she is. He wants to tell her how beguiling he finds her, how compelling he thinks her mind is, how thrilling it is for him to watch her in mock court, and he wants to tell her how he wants to spend the rest of his life making her laugh the way she did only minutes ago. 

And maybe it’s too soon, but now that he knows what it’s like to fall asleep with her in his arms at night and wake up to her winsome smile in the morning, he’s become addicted. And he’d be foolish to let that go. 

It’s crazy how clearly he can see their lives together –– a life that includes them not only being successful at their jobs, but on where they also have miniature versions of themselves, and his heart swells every time he pictures a mini-Alicia. 

And sure it may be too soon to bring all of that up now, there was still so much he wanted to do with her before they got to that particular chapter of their lives. But he knew he wasn’t interested in anyone else because there was no one else. The rhythm of his life was Alicia Cavanaugh, and he was going to make sure she knew that every step of the way. 

—

Will’s voice calls her back into the present, “I’ve been in love with you for a long time, Alicia. Since Georgetown.” 

Her breath catches in her throat at his words. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.” He continues, gently joking. 

Alicia snickers, gripping his hand tighter, “Not that I’d want to.”

Will gives her a dazzling smile, besotted. 

“I brought up Chesapeake because that was the moment I knew for sure that I was in this love with you for the rest of my life –– my plan has always been to love you, Leesh. And that won’t stop after my heart stops beating, but I’ll fight like hell for it every time because I want to be with you and only you. Forever.  

Alicia swipes a tear from eye and then rolls them, “I swore I was done doing that.” She says, feeling like she’s cried enough in the past few days. 

Will’s lips quirk up, “I’m sorry, hon.” 

But they both know he’s not sorry at all. Somehow, Will always knew what to say to her, and he’d tell her often. In turn, Alicia didn’t always know what to do with it when he did but she loves him so, and she knew that if she could spend the rest of her life showing him just how happy he’s made her, then she’s all the better for it. 

“I can’t lose you Will,” She sniffs. “I’m not sure what I’d do without you, and having missed you so much these last few days, I’m not ready to find out. I’ve been in love with you for twenty years, and I plan on loving you more. How often does a person find their soulmate? I can’t imagine anyone else measuring up to that.” 

Will hums, eyes full of mirth, “Thought about your next husband already?” 

“I will, if you ask me that again,” Alicia quips back. And then she breaks out into laughter, fully this time and it’s exactly the way he likes it, deep and throaty, and he revels in the richness of it. 

Alicia feels the sudden urge to push him, but she’s too mindful of his injuries, instead she says, “Don’t ruin it,” through peels of laughter. Then more seriously she adds, “I just love you. A lot.” 

Will softens, “I love you a lot too, Leesh.” 

Suddenly she gasps as she feels the subtle swoop inside her, and Will looks at her alarmed. 

Alicia grabs his hand and places it on her bump, the exact spot where she felt their baby  move, “You can’t feel it yet,” she breathes out. “But he’s starting to move around more now.”

Will pauses for a moment, head slightly turning to the side as her words catch up with him. He . 

“You just said –– ” Wonder overtakes his tone. 

Alicia nods, “Yep, a boy.”

Will lets out an incredulous laugh, “Wow,” he says reverently, clearing his throat. “Wow, another little boy, really?” 

And then he sobers up a bit as he comes to another conclusion. “When did you find out? Did I miss–– ” 

Alicia shakes her head and sighs sadly. “No, not exactly. I found out a few days ago,” She leaves out the part about how it was while he was still unconscious but they’re both very aware of the timeline. 

“The how is part of a longer story for a different day but we’re both fine.” She’s quick to reassure him. 

Will wants to know more, but he also knows better than to press his wife on it now, so he chooses to focus on the present instead.

“Another little boy then, huh?” He says again, still in awe as he processes the news of having another son. 

“Zach must be thrilled,” He chuckles. 

Alicia moves her head from side to side. “You have no idea,” she giggles. “He thinks that makes us even now.”

Will laughs, coughing a bit through the pain in his chest, “He hasn’t realized I’m always on your side.”

“That’s exactly what I thought!”