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Chapter Text

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders 
Still remain

Little Wonders - Rob Thomas

Lucy

Lucy drives home on auto-pilot after Tim promises to spend the rest of his life making things up to her, the just-purchased pharmacy bag clutched tightly in her free hand. 

She wants to be overjoyed by his promise. 

She wants to be hopeful. 

And, if it were just her, she would be. 

She’d be over the moon. 

She wouldn’t give in quickly, of course. She’s not necessarily the type to make him beg, but she is the type to make him prove his dedication to her first. 

He’d broken her heart, regardless of why he’d done it, and she would make sure of his intentions before starting over with him. 

She knows he’s worth the effort, is the thing. 

She knows he’s a good man, an honorable man, and she knows that he hadn’t broken up with her with malicious intent. 

She knows these things, but it doesn’t make things any easier. 

And now… now her decision is about to be a hundred times harder. 

She sits in her car for a long time after parking in front of her building, working up the courage to ascend the stairs and walk into the apartment she now shares with a well-intentioned but somewhat nosy roommate. 

She doesn’t think Celina is home yet — she doesn’t see her car in the parking lot, at least — and she knows she needs to hurry before the other woman arrives. She needs to do this and process and figure out what the fuck she’s going to do before she has to make small talk and pretend that everything is alright. 

She blows out a breath and glances down, her hand already unconsciously resting on her stomach. 

“Let’s do this,” she whispers to her uterus, and then, with a dramatic heave, hauls herself out of the car, tosses her backpack over her shoulder, and quickly jogs up the stairs two at a time. She opens her apartment, kicks off her shoes, and then heads straight into the bathroom. 

She locks it behind herself just in case, gathers her dress in her hands, and then sits on the toilet, box clutched tightly in her hands. 

It takes less than a minute before she’s finished, the capped test sitting innocently on the counter as she chews on her bottom lip. 

How will she feel if it’s negative?

What will she do if it’s positive? 

She knows that Tim will have mixed feelings. 

The Tim of a few weeks ago would have been overjoyed, but this new Tim? The Tim that’s been uncovering repressed trauma, the one who said I don’t recognize myself anymore? The one who walked away from her even though she’d never imagined, in her darkest nightmare, that he would? 

She doesn’t know what that Tim will think. 

“We can do this on our own if we have to,” she murmurs to himself, because she already knows that, if the test is positive, she’s keeping the baby.

Her baby. 

Tim’s baby. 

She’ll raise them alone if that’s what it takes, though she doesn’t imagine there’s a single universe in which Tim won’t be a part of their life. 

Even broken, shattered, doubting-himself Tim will be a better father to this child than his was to him.

Lucy watches as the liquid slowly seeps up the test, her heart speeding in her chest as it passes the first line. 

She knows she’s supposed to wait the full three minutes, but she finds herself staring at the little window of the test in anticipation, lip between her teeth as it slowly saturates itself. 

The pink line comes quickly. 

So quickly. 

It immediately turns a deep, dark pink even though the control line is barely visible yet, and Lucy squeaks in surprise as she reaches out and gathers it in her hand, holding it up to the light. 

Two lines. 

Two lines. 

Oh, god, she’s pregnant. 

With Tim’s baby. 

Her ex-boyfriend’s baby. 

She feels tears in her eyes but she can’t tell of they’re tears of fear or of happiness. 

She’s wanted this for, god, for forever. Since her first date with Tim she’s imagine little babies with her skin and his eyes running around, their faces filled with mischief and their little hands reaching out to her. 

Two girls, she thinks. 

And a baby boy that looks just like Tim. 

She wants them.

She has always wanted them. 

But not like this. 

Not now. 

Not when he’s so far out of her reach. 

But… 

I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, in whatever small doses you will allow. 

Maybe. 

Maybe. 

Lucy grips the test tightly in her hand and tosses the trash, making sure to cover the pregnancy text box with the pharmacy bag and then a few wads of toilet paper just in case. She flushes the toilet and then walks into her room, quickly changing from her dress into the t-shirt of Tim’s that she still sleeps in. 

She sits heavily on the bed in the t-shirt and panties, staring at the test, one hand on her belly beneath the cotton fabric. 

A baby. 

“Hi,” she whispers, pushing the material of Tim’s t-shirt up far enough that she can see her still-flat belly. “Hey, baby. I’m your mommy.”

Tears spring to her eyes as she sits there, alone, talking to her child. 

Tim should be here. 

Damn it, Tim should be here! 

“Things are a little complicated with your daddy right now,” she whispers, her thumb brushing over her warm skin. “But we’re gonna figure it out. We have to. For you.”

She imagines all of the milestones — the doctor’s appointments, finding out her pants don’t fit anymore, feeling their baby kick, the baby’s birth — and she’s so fucking uninterested in doing it alone that she fumbles for her phone, firing a quick text off to Tim before laying down. 

To: Tim Bradford
From: Lucy Chen
We need to talk. 

She closes her eyes, one hand splayed over her belly as she imagines a little tiny person growing inside of her, no bigger than a grain of rice. 

They’ll figure it out, she muses, sighing as she feels her phone vibrate in the bed next to her. 

They have to. 

Chapter Text

Tim

Tim is still sitting in his truck, the words he’d said to Lucy echoing on an endless loop in his head, when his phone dings with the arrival of an incoming text message. 

He almost doesn’t answer it. 

I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, in whatever small doses you allow. 

He wants to go back to those moments in the elevator and tell Lucy more. 

There was so much more he wanted to say, so much he’s kept inside since he walked away and broke her heart. 

I love you. 

I regret what I did. 

Please, god, please forgive me. 

He’d wanted to beg her to take him back, to give him another chance, but he hadn’t. 

It had seemed like too much, too soon, and he knows that he needs to give her time. 

“Fuck,” he grunts quietly, and he sighs as he brushes a hand over his weary face, wincing when his fingers catch on the wound above his eye. He reaches for his phone with his uninjured arm and taps the screen to light it up, his heart catching in his throat when he sees who the text message is from. 

Lucy. 

His fingers hover above the screen, trembling almost imperceptibly as he hesitates. 

She hadn’t responded in the elevator or the parking garage, and he’s worried that, now that she’s had time to think, she’s going to tell him no thank you. 

He’s worried that he hurt her beyond repair. 

Only one way to find out, he muses, and he taps on the notification, his eyes greedily reading her short message. 

To: Tim Bradford
From: Lucy Chen
We need to talk. 

He stares at the phone, his heart thundering. 

We need to talk. 

Nothing good has ever come before those four words. 

His eyes are burning with emotion as he responds, his fingers shaking so badly he has to backspace and rewrite his sentence several times before it’s written in proper English with no typos. 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
I can call you or come over tonight, or we can talk tomorrow. Up to you. 

Everything is up to her, he thinks, chewing on his bottom lip as he waits for those telltale three dots to appear. 

Including whether or not there will ever be a them again, though he desperately hopes she’ll give him another chance once he heals himself enough to deserve her. 

She doesn’t respond for a few moments, and Tim is just turning his truck off and beginning to climb out when he hears his phone ding again. He pauses, half in and half out of the cab, his injured arm aching as he leans it against the truck so he can reach his phone and unlock it. 

To: Tim Bradford
From: Lucy Chen
We should talk in person. Um. Celina will be home soon, though, so maybe tomorrow?

Tim sighs as he reads her words, his stomach sinking. 

He won’t sleep at all tonight, he knows. 

Not without knowing. 

It’s her choice, though — everything is her choice, now, and he would wait a million years for her if that was what she wanted. 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
I’ll bring coffee and donuts to the station. We can talk and eat before shift. Is that okay?

Lucy’s response is almost immediate, and Tim would feel pathetic at the way he eagerly devours her words, but he’s just happy she’s talking to him now. 

To: Tim Bradford
From: Lucy Chen
Nevin’s?

He rolls his eyes, fighting a smile as he reaches for and slings his backpack over his good shoulder, texting as he walks toward his front door. Kojo is about to gnaw the baseboards off as he whines and prances inside of the house, and he pauses to open the door, lay his bag down, and greet Lucy’s dog before responding. 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
Of course Nevin’s. I’m not a heathen. 

He imagines Lucy smiling at his teasing, and he wishes he could hear her laugh as she reads his words. 

He sends a second message before she responds, though, letting Kojo out to do his business while he waits for her to text back. 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
Chai tea latte? Chocolate croissant? 

He knows her order like the back of his hand. He even keeps extra Lactate on him in case she forgets so that she doesn’t have to deal with cramps and upset stomach from the chocolate. 

To: Tim Bradford
From: Lucy Chen
You know me so well. 

He smiles softly and remembers the last time she’d uttered those words. 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
Too well. 

Lucy doesn’t respond after that, and Tim doesn’t blame her. 

He’s overwhelmed by memories of the past, his heart aching as he remembers sitting beside her hospital bed as she’d eagerly devoured the veggie burger with extra pickles. He remembers her smiling at him despite what she’d just gone through. 

He’d loved her then, too, he now knows, though he hadn’t let himself realize it for a long time. 

He wishes he could go back to easy smiles and soft teasing, the anticipation of forbidden love simmering between them for so long. 

He wishes he could go back to it’s a better story for the grandkids and unless it is. 

He wishes he could go back to that night and go home with her. 

If he could do it again, he thinks he would. 

He’d have climbed into her tiny car, folded himself into the uncomfortably seat, and gone home with her. 

He’d open up to her, tell her everything, let her see the ugly parts of him. 

He’d let her hold him, reassure him that he was still good. 

But he can’t. 

He can’t go back. 

He can’t unbreak what he's already broken.

He can only hope that she’s willing to let him try and put it back together, piece by piece. 

She still hasn’t responded when Kojo comes barreling back inside, and Tim sighs as he locks the door and turns off the lights. He climbs into bed without changing, laying on his back, arm in the uncomfortable sling and muscles aching, and sends Lucy one more text message before closing his eyes. 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
Goodnight, Luce. Sleep well. 

__________________________

The next morning Tim feels like a nervous schoolboy, waiting on the concrete benches outside of the station with coffee and donuts. 

It’s a beautiful morning, sunny and breezy, and as he watches the flowers and reeds bending in the wind, he remembers the last time they’d sat here together.  

It’s not worth the risk… right?

Unless it is. 

He’d made a promise to her, then, unspoken as it was. 

He hates that he’s broken it. 

“Hey.”

Tim looks up, startled, when he hears Lucy’s voice. 

She’s standing in front of him, her hair blowing gently in the wind, her curls loose and wild. Her brown eyes are soft and she’s biting her lip nervously, her hands clasped in front of her as she waits. 

She’s beautiful. 

Stunning. 

Ethereal. 

“Hey,” he whispers, scooting over to make room for her next to him. He reaches for her chai while she sits, handing it to her and sucking in a breath when their fingers brush. He glances up to meet her eyes and then away, clearing his throat as her lips, shining with lip gloss, wrap around the lid of the cup to take her first sip. She sighs in contentment, her eyes fluttering closed, and Tim feels warmth bloom unfettered in his chest because he’d made her happy. 

Baby steps. 

“Here,” he murmurs, handing over the croissant. She takes it but doesn’t eat it, resting it on her lap instead. “Do you need… I have Lactate,” he says, but Lucy shakes her head. 

“No, I just… my stomach.”

“Oh,” Tim says, frowning. “Are you sick?”

She shakes her head and puts her coffee beside her, curling one foot under her so that she can turn to meet his eyes. 

“No, I…”

Tim waits, his panic barely concealed as she bites her lip and considers her words. 

“Lucy,” he murmurs after what feels like hours. “It’s okay, you don’t have to —”

She pauses him by holding a hand up, though, and he closes his mouth so quickly that his teeth audibly clack. 

“I’m just…” she sighs, trailing her eyes slowly up his body until they meet his. “I just need to know… did you mean what you said last night?”

Tim nods without conscious thought. 

“Yes.”

“You want to make it up to me?”

“Yes, Lucy. I will… god, I’ll do anything.”

Lucy smiles, reaching for one of his hands. He sucks in a breath when her hand touches his, his stomach clenching and fluttering as she wraps her fingers around his thumb and holds on tightly. 

“I just need to know that you meant it. That you’ll fight for me. That it’s not just because…”

She trails off and Tim has no idea what she means, but he knows one thing for certain. 

He turns, angling his body toward her, and clears his throat. 

“Lucy, I meant every word. I will do anything. I’ll spend the rest of my life — the next forty years, fifty years — making it up to you. And I know that you can’t trust my words right now and that’s okay, that’s… that’s my fault. But I’m going to show you. I’m going to show you that you can trust me.” He pauses and chuckles, one side of his lips turning up into a boyish half smile. “I’m a show-you kind of guy after all, anyway, right?”

Lucy smiles and nods, but there’s still something lingering in her gaze that gives Tim pause. 

“What is it, Luce?” he murmurs, catching her eyes and holding her gaze as he waits. “Is there… what can I do? What can I say?”

Lucy shakes her head, though, tears pooling in her beautiful brown eyes as she sniffles once. 

“No, it’s not that, Tim,” she whispers, and he nods though he’s still hopelessly confused. 

“What, then?”

Lucy sighs and shrugs, squeezing his thumb and then dropping her hand back to her lap. 

“I just wanted to make sure that you were… that you are in this for me, too. For us, and not just because…”

Tim nods dumbly as she trails off, not understanding. 

“I am,” he murmurs softly, his knee brushing hers as he scoots closer. “I fucked up, Lucy. I know I did. I ruined everything. I betrayed your trust. But if you’ll give me another chance, I won’t take it for granted. I’ll prove it to you. I’ll show you through my actions and words. I’m in this.”

Lucy laughs, a choked little noise, and reaches up to brush tears from her eyes as she meets his gaze once more. 

“Good,” she says, her voice more steady now as she slides her free hand to press against her stomach. “Because I’m pregnant.”

Chapter Text

Lucy

Lucy shares the news that she’s pregnant (in what is maybe the most inelegant way possible, unfortunately) and then panics a little bit while Tim stares at her, eyes wide and lips parted, hand and coffee cup frozen mid-air. 

She honestly hadn’t meant to drop it on him quite like that, but… well, he’d been so sweet and concerned and it had seemed like a good moment, but now he’s not speaking and she’s freaking the fuck out. 

“Say something,” she whispers, her eyes boring into his as she scoots closer on the bench. She reaches out and touches her fingers to his thigh, but he doesn’t react even as she brushes her thumb over his jeans. “Tim, please.”

She’d laugh if the situation weren’t so serious, because she’s seen him like this before. 

The night that started it all — the night they’d kissed to practice for undercover. 

The night she’d come up with a sexy backstory for them. 

He’d stared at her then like he’s staring at her now, though the situation is much more serious in this moment than it ever was before. 

“I…” he tries, but he has to pause to clear his throat when his voice comes out high and squeaky. “Pregnant?”

Lucy nods, biting her lip as she pulls her hand back from his thigh. He quickly puts his coffee down and then grabs her hand with his, holding tightly as he licks his dry lips and sucks in a deep, shuddering breath. 

“Yeah,” she whispers, swallowing past the lump in her throat as she searches his gaze for any indication of how he’s feeling. “I know it… it wasn’t planned, and that this is maybe the worst possible time for this to happen, and it’s okay if you’re not excited or you don’t want to be involved, but—”

Tim cuts her off mid-ramble, scooting closer to her on the bench and pressing their clasped fingers over her lips. 

“Lucy, just…”

He trails off and she falls silent, biting her lip to keep the flood of words inside as he processes. 

Eventually he speaks, his lips twitching as he tries to fight a smile, and while Lucy can barely concentrate on his words, the sparkle in his eyes says more than enough. 

“I’m… I’m surprised,” he begins, and Lucy nods because hell, she had been, too. “But I would never… Lucy, I’d never abandon you or our baby.”

“Okay,” she breathes, the word torn from her as he drops her hand so that he can cup her cheek. His thumb, warm and dry, brushes across her cheek, and Lucy knows that anyone walking past can see them but she finds that she just doesn’t care. 

“I… god, Luce, a baby?”

She nods, fighting her own smile now as Tim finally seems to fully process her words. 

“I know it’s not… it’s not a good time,” she murmurs, but Tim just shakes his head as his brain comes fully back online. 

“It’s not,” he agrees, but his expression, the elated smile that erupts over his entire face, betrays his excitement. “But it’s… it’s a good thing, right?”

Lucy nods slowly, her stomach churning with excitement (and probably morning sickness, to be honest) as a million different emotions flash across Tim’s face. 

She sees the exhiliration, but she also sees despair, and she wants to pry but now that Tim has found his voice, he can’t seem to stop talking. 

“I’ll be involved however you want me to be,” he says, his voice earnest as he drops his hand from her cheek to hover over her stomach. Lucy smiles softly and takes his hand in hers, pressing it over her shirt even though she knows he won’t be able to feel anything yet. She can’t even feel anything yet, with the exception of the nausea that’s plagued her for days and the tenderness of her breasts. “I’ll-I’ll go to appointments, I’ll hunt down whatever midnight cravings you have, I’ll build the crib and I’ll do whatever you want me to, Luce. I’m in this, okay? I was in it when I was just trying to win you back, but now that I’m trying to win you and our baby back? I’ll do anything. I’ll do anything to deserve you.”

Lucy smiles, tears in her eyes as Tim drops his forehead against hers. 

She’d hoped he would be excited, but his reaction is everything she hadn’t dared even hope for and more. 

It’s perfect. 

“Okay,” she whispers again, sniffling and reaching up to wipe at her eyes as Tim pulls back and stares at her with absolute adoration. “Okay, but… slowly, Tim, okay? I’m… you hurt me.”

Some of the light in Tim’s eyes dims at the reminder that they’re broken now, that they’re doing this all backwards and that this announcement, this realization that they’re having a baby, isn’t what either of them had imagined. 

She’d had an idea of how it would go in her head since their first date, how they’d take the test together and then cry with happiness when it was positive. She’d imagined him taking her to bed afterward, worshiping her body and kissing her belly and talking to their baby with tears in his eyes.

She’d imagined so many things, but she hadn’t ever, in a million years, imagined they’d be broken up. 

“I know,” Tim whispers, his expression subdued now as he reaches for and hands her coffee back. She sips at it as she watches him process, as he comes to a decision and meets her gaze again, his expression resolute. “I hurt you, Lucy, and I’m not asking forgiveness for what I did. I’m just asking for a chance. A chance to make it right, to try again and prove to you that I’m worth the effort.”

Lucy’s heart skips a beat as she remembers his words all those months ago, when they’d been standing on the precipice of whatever this is. 

You deserve someone who’s worth the effort. 

She wants nothing more than to launch herself into his arms, to kiss him and tell him he is worth the effort. 

She wants to tell him she loves him, that she never stopped loving him. 

She wants him to hold her, to kiss her, to cradle her body in his strong arms the way she’d loved so much during their time together. 

But she doesn’t. 

Slowly, she reminds herself, because it’s not just her anymore. 

It’s not just her heart she has to protect. 

“You can come with me to the first appointment,” she murmurs, and she sees his face light up again as she invites him to such a momentous occasion. “I called my doctor on the way here, and she fit me in this Friday at noon.”

“I’ll switch shifts so I can be there,” Tim promises, nodding. “I’ll be there, no matter what, Lucy. I promise.”

“Okay,” she whispers, nodding. “That’s a start, then. We can… we can start there.”

“I’ll show you I mean it,” Tim says, his blue eyes intense as he stares deeply into her eyes. “I’ll show you, little by little, that I’m changing. I… I’m looking for a new therapist. Gray said he’d talk to Luna and get some recommendations. For someone who’s not, you know, a dirty cop.”

Lucy snorts despite the fact that Dr. London being dirty isn’t actually very funny at all. 

It’s ironic, yes, that Tim had spent 40 years denying therapy and then, the second he decides to get help, his therapist turns out to be evil.

It’s not funny at all, but the way he says it, deadpan and dry, makes her laugh. 

“That’s a good start,” she says, hiding her smile behind her coffee cup. “And Tim… can you… can you ask her to find someone who takes individuals and couples? I think it could help us work on our communication.”

Tim nods wordlessly and they both trail off, simply staring at each other as the weight of everything said this morning settles over them. 

They know their time together is coming to an end, that they both need to make their way inside to begin changing for shift, but neither of them wants to move, to destroy the little bubble of hope they’ve created in the same space that they’d decided to first take a chance.

Eventually they have to, though. 

Tim is the first to stand, and Lucy watches as he places his coffee cup down before reaching out with his good hand, the one not in the sling. 

An offering. 

She smiles and takes it, lets him pull her to her feet. 

“See you after shift,” she murmurs, and Tim nods as he picks his coffee back up and walks beside her into the building, a careful foot of space between them. 

_______________________

Lucy changes into uniform, spending probably longer than is necessary marveling at the fact that her stomach is still perfectly flat, no indication that there’s a baby growing inside of her, and then slides into roll call with only a few moments to spare. 

“We have a few new faces joining us this morning,” Gray announces, and Lucy perks up, curious, as he turns his gaze toward the front table where there are, in fact, two new officers sitting. “Officer Juarez has just completed her six month exam and will be graduating to short sleeves, and the Academy has sent us a few mid-year rookies. Officers Herndon and Janes, please stand.”

Lucy watches, eyes wide, as a young man and woman stand. The young man looks like he’s barely graduated high school, floppy hair and freckles and a smile far too wide. The woman looks a little older, maybe early thirties, and has long, curly blonde hair and bright green eyes. 

“After six months together in the Academy, you’ve earned the right to be here. But you’ll have to prove yourself to stay,” he begins, and Lucy’s lips twitch into a smile as she remembers him uttering those words to her all those years ago. “The way we do things matters. Protocol and tradition are the metal from which every cop in this city is forged. Understand?”

The two new officers nod and chorus, “Yes, sir!” as Grey watches them with what Lucy now knows is a sparkle of excitement in his eyes. 

“All right, sit down. It’s time to play the Training Officer match game, though things are a little … unsettled on that front, and you can expect to work under several training officers during your twelve months of training. First up, we have Officer Herndon,” he begins, and Lucy watches as the young man sits up a little straighter in his chair. “Who is the polar opposite of Nolan and was the youngest cadet ever to graduate from the Academy. You scare me, son, considering the fact that you were still wearing diapers while I was already patrolling the streets. To that end, you will be starting out with Officer Wrigley, who will give you a calm introduction to being an Officer. After a few months, hopefully, we’ll move you on to a new training officer who has a little more… spice.”

Sergeant Gray turns and stares directly at Lucy as he says this, and she pauses, Chai latte halfway to her lips as he winks at her. 

He doesn’t linger, though, and Lucy is left to be confused in silence as he moves on. 

“Officer Alicia Janes, you will be training under our most seasoned Training Officer, who stepped away from being a TO for a while but is now back. Don’t expect his brief vacation from training to mean he’ll take it any easier on you, however. Tim Bradford, you get Officer Janes. Try not to wash this one out, please. She shows promise.”

Lucy glances back at where Tim is sitting, arms crossed over his chest, her eyes wide as she takes in the way he simply nods as if this isn’t news to him. 

He’s a training officer again? 

Gray continues speaking but Lucy is distracted, an unfamiliar feeling swirling in her belly as she glances between Tim and his new rookie. 

She was supposed to be his last. 

God, she feels like she’s going to throw up. 

Roll call dismisses a few moments later and Tim stands, throws a smile in her direction, and then turns toward his new Rookie. 

“Boot!” he calls, and Lucy feels something like jealousy flash through her veins as he directs the word at someone who isn’t her. “Go set up the shop! I’ll be there in ten minutes, and it had better be perfect.”

Officer Janes scurries to obey, and then Tim walks over to where Lucy has yet to rise from her seat. 

He trails his fingers across her back, a subtle, simple movement, and then leans down to whisper, “Be safe today.”

Lucy nods but doesn’t respond as she watches him walk off in the direction his new boot had gone.

Chapter Text

Tim

Tim runs Officer Janes through the usual check of the shop before beginning their shift, but try as he might, he can’t force himself to be as present as he usually is. 

Usually there’s a rush when he has a new rookie, an excitement that’s unparalleled. The excitement of training someone new, of getting to shape them and teach them the way that things should be done, not the way they’re told to do things in the Academy. 

And the excitement is there, of course, it’s just buried under the unbridled, all-consuming joy that he hasn’t been able to tamper down since Lucy had whispered those two simple, life-changing words. 

I’m pregnant. 

In short, he’s distracted, and it doesn’t help that he sees Lucy everywhere. 

There’s movement in the corner of his eye and he smiles, turning toward his passenger expecting to see her. 

But there’s blonde curls that should be dark, green eyes when he should see Lucy’s deep, soulful brown ones, and a crushing sense of disappointment as reality settles over him when he remembers oh, yeah, Lucy isn’t riding with me anymore because I ruined our relationship. 

Officer Janes is a perfectly fine rookie so far, of course.

She hasn’t fumbled a single question he’s thrown at her, and she doesn’t seem ruffled by his prickly persona. 

He’s a big softie, he remembers Lucy saying, and he clears his throat and tightens his hands on the wheel as they pull up to their first crime scene. 

He has to focus. 

“All right, Officer Janes,” he says, unbuckling his belt and opening his shop door. “Dispatch called this in as a 459. Tell me the difference between a 211 and a 459.”

Officer Janes clambers out of the shop and runs to keep up with his long legs. She tucks an errant strand of blonde hair behind her ear as she catches up to him, and Tim makes  a note to remind her that her hair should be secured out of her face at all times. 

“A 211 is a robbery and a 459 is a burglary,” she says confidently, and Tim nods. 

“Right,” he says, voice firm. “But I did not ask you what they were, Officer Janes, I asked you what the difference was.”

She flounders for a second as Tim holds open the door for her, and he can see her thinking as she walks through, her lips moving silently as she tries to recall the difference between the two basic crimes. 

“Study your rook book tonight, Officer,” he snaps, because she should have this memorized by now. 

Lucy had. 

“The key difference is that a burglary involves entering a home or establishment illegally with the intent to steal, whereas a robbery involves taking property from a person through threats or fear of harm. Our current call is classified as a burglary because someone broke in during the night and merchandise was taken. No one was present or harmed. If you miss the next question I ask, I’ll write up a blue page on you.”

“Y-yes, sir,” she stammers, and Tim sighs as he walks toward the counter of the store, one of those hippy-dippy, natural-remedies places that he used to mock. 

Lucy would love this place, he thinks, and he makes a note to bring her here sometime as he approaches the owner. 

“Good morning, ma’am,” he greets her, and he offers her a smile as she wrings her hands nervously. She’s older, her hair streaked with grey and her eyes tired and worn. “I’m Sergeant Tim Bradford, and we’re here in response to a call you made about a break in?”

The woman nods and walks out from behind the counter. Tim watches her carefully, noting the dried tear tracks on her cheeks and the way her eyes are still wet and red. He slouches down a little bit to put himself more on her level, and channels his ‘inner softie’, as Lucy had so delicately put it, as he tries to put her at ease.

“Officer Janes and I are going to be collecting statements and canvassing, and my friend Detective Lopez will be here soon to begin the investigation. Do you have any idea who might have done this?”

Angela walks in just as the woman is tearfully finishing her story, and Tim waves her over. 

“This is my friend I was telling you about,” he says, winking at the woman. “She’s pretty good at her job.”

Angela rolls her eyes and punches him in the shoulder playfully. “Just pretty good, Bradford?”

Tim chuckles and the owner of the store finally cracks a smile. 

“We can’t let your head get too big, Lopez,” he warns. “But ma’am, I promise you’re in good hands. Now, Detective, how can my rookie and I assist you?”

Angela sweeps her eyes across the store, her eyes lighting up when they land on his newest rookie. 

“She’s pretty,” she comments, but Tim just shrugs. 

Sure, she’s attractive. 

He’d have to be blind not to notice. 

But it’s not like he’s looking. 

“I guess,” he says, shrugging. “But she’s incompetent. I asked her the difference between a 211 and a 459. She couldn’t tell me.”

Angela winces and very obviously stares at Officer Janes, her eyes assessing the younger woman. 

“Yeah, that’s not a good look fresh out of the Academy. For her or for them.”

Tim grunts in agreement and then sighs, resting his hands on his utility belt.

“Yeah. So, this one may wash out sooner rather than later if she doesn’t take her studying seriously. She has the right temperament — she’s quiet in the shop, and not much seems to ruffle her. But we’ll see how she does later this morning with her first Tim Test.”

Angela snorts inelegantly and rolls her eyes. 

“I can’t wait to hear about it. For now, though, can you and your Rook canvas up and down the strip? See if there are any working security cameras, if anyone was open that time of night?”

Tim nods sharply, once. “On it, Detective.”

Angela smiles and turns toward the shop owner and Tim drops his arms from his utility belt, turning toward his rookie. 

“Officer Janes! Come on! We have work to do.”

She scurries to follow him, and Tim grins, sauntering on ahead with a plan in mind for how he’s going to test her after they’re done canvassing.

He’s almost out of the store when he sees the display, and he remembers Genny saying something several years ago about ginger helping when she was nauseous. 

Lucy. 

He reaches for a pack of the ginger chews, turning them over to read the back. They claim to be all natural and helpful for a variety of issues, including morning sickness. 

“Huh,” he murmurs, and he knows he should come back later when he doesn’t have a rookie and a best friend watching him, but then he remembers the look on Lucy’s face when he’d passed her the chocolate croissant this morning and he finds himself turning back toward the register, the candies clasped tightly in his hand. 

“Can I buy these?”

________________________

Officer Janes doesn’t ask about the ginger candies until much later. 

“Are you, uh, are you not feeling well, sir?” she asks, motioning toward the bag sitting innocently between the seats. 

Tim turns to her, one eyebrow raised, and then back toward the street. 

“What exactly have I done this morning, Officer Janes,” he begins, clearing his throat and straightening up in his seat. “To give you the indication that I’m in any way interested in talking about my personal life with you?”

She swallows and opens her mouth to respond, but Tim isn’t finished. 

“There is no personal talk in the shop, Boot. Ever. Got it?”

“Yes, sir,” she whispers, but despite her claim to understand, she’s opening her mouth to ask something else, and Tim decides that this is as good a time as any to test her geographical knowledge of their hometown.

He steadies himself and then slams on the breaks, his lips curling into a smile as Officer Janes squeaks in surprise and pitches forward, her seatbelt the only thing keeping her from face planting into the dashboard. 

“Where are you, boot?!” he cries, and he has to bite the inside of his cheek to hold back his amusement as she turns toward him, eyes wide and panicked. 

“W-what? Sir, what?”

“I’m bleeding out and you have to call for help! Where are you?!”

“Um, uh—”

She turns in her seat, looking for a street sign or any other landmark that will give her an idea of where they’re at, but just like all the rookies that came before her (with the notable exception of Jackson), she draws a blank. 

“Where are you?” he asks one more time, his tone commanding and stern. 

He gives her a few more seconds and then sits back in his seat, one side of his mouth curling into a smirk. 

“Now I’m dead, and it’s your fault. Get out.”

__________________________

Tim pulls the shop slowly into a parking space outside of the food trucks, his new Boot still walking behind the shop, her face red and the wayward strands of hair that had fallen out of her bun earlier now stuck to her face with sweat. 

He’d tossed her a water bottle about twenty minutes ago, but it’s not his fault she has almost no knowledge of downtown LA. 

He parks the shop and climbs out, stretching languidly as Officer Janes comes to a stop in front of him, lips set in a thin line and green eyes murderous. 

“You’re buying,” he says casually, and then he walks off toward the table he sees Lucy and Aaron at, dropping down into one of the seats with a smile on his face. 

Lucy raises her eyebrows, and despite the fact that she’s trying not to grin, her twinkling eyes betray her amusement. 

“Ah, the Tim Tests have returned,” she murmurs, and he chuckles as his eyes flicker toward where his sweaty boot is standing in line at the taco truck. 

“It’s not my fault she doesn’t know her armpit from her knee,” he says, and Aaron chokes on a taco as he tries to hold in his laughter. “She’s been walking for an hour and a half.”

Lucy smirks. 

Tim continues, his tone light and his words meant for Lucy as he says, “Only took you twenty minutes.”

He watches as she preens under the praise, the sun dancing across her face as she leans back in her chair, her hands clasped together and laying across her stomach. He remembers the ginger chews he’d shoved in his pocket before exiting the shop, and leans in to whisper to her as he notices her full tray of food.

“Not feeling good?” he asks, his voice low. 

Lucy catches his eye and shakes her head minutely, biting her lip as she eyes her almost untouched tacos. 

He reaches into his pocket and pulls the bag out, passing it to her under the table so that Aaron won’t notice. She glances down at the ginger candies as her fingers dance across the label, and then smiles at him, her eyes soft as she watches him from under her lashes. 

“Thanks,” she whispers, and he nods as he leans back, eyes closing as he lets the sun wash over his face. He hears Lucy unwrap and pop one of the candies into her mouth, and he basks in the knowledge that he’s made her smile twice in one day now. 

Baby steps, he reminds himself. 

“Here you go, sir.”

He opens his eyes when his rookie drops a tray of tacos in front of him, and he has to give her credit — fish tacos are, without question, the best. 

“See you after lunch,” he says, and he waits until she’s sitting at a table with her rookie buddy before he turns to see Aaron and Lucy staring at him. “What?”

“Nothing, sir,” Aaron says, shrugging as he polishes off the last of his tacos before noticing Lucy’s almost untouched ones. He points to them and then to himself, and when Lucy nods, reaches for the basket. 

Tim nearly slaps his hand as he steals Lucy’s food, his eyebrows scrunched together as he frowns, but he refrains. 

“We just didn’t know you were going to be a training officer again, that’s all,” Lucy says, sighing as she reaches for her lemonade. She takes a small sip, and Tim watches her carefully. 

He knows she feels sick, but she has to eat. 

Maybe he can bring her dinner tonight after shift. Soup, or something else that will be easy on her stomach. 

“I didn’t know, either,” he says, shrugging as he piles pickled onion onto his taco before biting into it. “Gray called me after I got home last night, said we had a fresh batch of rookies coming in and he needed me. I feel sorry for Herndon, though, being stuck with Wrigley.”

Aaron chuckles as he scarfs down Lucy’s tacos, and a hush falls over them as Tim continues to eat. 

He’s not even finished with his second taco when Lucy and Aaron are called out, though, and as he watches them toss their trash and climb back into their shop, he sighs. 

“Be careful,” he murmurs to himself as his heart drives off without him. 

_______________________

“Let me cook for you tonight.”

Lucy turns to glance at Tim as he falls into step beside her after shift. Their paperwork is done and the rookies have been sent home for a scant few hours of sleep before their second shift, and he’s just finished reporting to Gray about how Officer Janes had done. 

Lucy hums but doesn’t respond, and Tim waits nervously as they round a corner and come out into the bullpen. 

“My stomach...” she begins, and he nods as he cuts her off. 

“Doesn't feel good, I know. I noticed you didn’t eat breakfast or lunch, but uou need to eat something. I… I researched some, while Officer Janes was doing our paperwork. I found some recipes that you might be able to eat. At least, there were a lot of good review from… you know, people who… have…”

He trails off, unsure how to phrase the rest of his sentence without outright saying people who have morning sickness in the middle of the station. 

Lucy seems to understand, though, and places a hand on his arm to cut off his rambling. 

“That’s sweet,” she says, and he offers her a boyish grin as he shrugs. 

“It wasn’t a problem,” he murmurs. 

She stares at him for a long moment, considering, and Tim waits with his heart in his throat. 

Is it too fast? Should he have just said goodbye and gone home? She’d just told him she’d give him a second chance this morning, and he doesn’t want to push her too far, too fast. 

“Okay,” she finally whispers, nodding. And then, “Will Kojo be there? I miss my boy.”

Tim chuckles and nods. 

“Yes, the boy will be there. How about seven? I need to go shopping for some ingredients.”

Lucy nods, and she’s opening her mouth to respond when Gray pokes his head out of his office, scans the bullpen, and then catches her eye. 

“Chen!” he calls. “My office!”

Tim offers her a sympathetic smile and a shrug.

“Seven,” he reminds her, and she smiles and nods before turning and jogging toward Gray. 

Tim watches her until she closes the Watch Commander’s office door behind herself, and then heads to change out. 

__________________________

“Hey.”

Tim raises an eyebrow as Officer Janes rushes to catch the elevator. She slides in beside him just as the door is closing, and Tim takes a moment to observe her out of uniform. She’s pretty, as Angela had said, her hair wavy and free, her eyes sparkling, and she’s wearing a lowcut sundress that, in the past, would have drawn his eyes to her cleavage. 

Now, though, he gives her a professional once over and then turns his attention back to the now-closed elevator doors. 

“Officer Janes,” he greets. 

She laughs and bumps her shoulder into his. 

“We’re off the clock. It’s just Alicia now.”

Tim frowns, internally sighing. 

It’s not the first time one of his rookies has had a hard time keeping things professional, and he’s sure it won’t be the last. But it is the first time it’s happened while he’s trying to patch things up with his estranged, pregnant girlfriend, and he cannot let there be any doubt as to his intentions. 

“It’s still Officer Janes, and it will be Officer Janes until you graduate the FTO program,” he says, lips pressed into a thin line as he meets her gaze briefly. “I am Sergeant Bradford to you, and there is no personal talk in the shop.”

Officer Janes raises one eyebrow. “We’re not in the shop right now, sir.”

Tim’s frown deepens as he takes a step away from her. 

“The rule extends to anywhere my person is, and we are not having this conversation.”

The elevator doors open and Tim moves forward quickly, his strides long as he heads toward his truck without another word to the younger woman.

He knows he’ll have no trouble putting Officer Janes in her place — he’s had to do it more than once, and if he can’t keep things between them professional, he’ll ask Gray to give him the baby cop instead. 

It’s not that part that he’s worried about. 

It’s Lucy. 

She’d been jealous of Katie Barnes when Tim had been training her, and he knows that, with pregnancy hormones on board, he cannot allow her to see his rookie flirting with him like this.

He’ll just have to keep whatever’s happening under wraps until he makes Officer Janes understand in no uncertain terms that he is off limits. 

Chapter Text

Lucy

Lucy watches as Tim disappears around the corner to the locker rooms, and then turns and closes Sergeant Grey’s office door behind her. 

“You wanted to see me, sir?”

Grey nods, templing his hands under his chin as he observes her from across the room. 

“You and Sergeant Bradford seem to be on better terms,” he observes, and Lucy flushes as she remembers why they’re suddenly talking and trying in a way they haven’t been over the past few weeks. 

“Yes, sir,” she acknowledges, entwining her fingers behind her back to keep herself from touching her belly. She’s only known about the baby for 24 hours, but she already can’t seem to stop marveling at the fact that there’s a human life inside of her. “We’re … talking again.”

It’s not the whole truth, but it is true. 

They are talking, trying to work things out for the sake of their child. 

“Good. I was worried I was going to have to transfer him to West Hollywood for the sake of the entire station. We can’t handle the moping, Chen, so whatever you’re doing, keep it up.”

Lucy chuckles, fighting a smile as she nods. “Yes, sir. Will do. Is that why you wanted to see me?”

Grey shakes his head and leans forward in his chair. 

“No, I have something else I’d like to speak to you about. Please, take a seat.” 

He motions toward the chairs in front of his desk, and Lucy frowns, pulling one out quickly as she meets Grey’s eyes across the desk. He seems serious, his lips pressed into a thin line and his gaze unwavering as he watches her. 

“I want you to become a Training Officer,” he says without preamble, leaning back in his seat and settling his clasped hands on his stomach. 

“I— come again?” Lucy squeaks, her eyebrows scrunched together in confusion as she leans forward.

Because surely she heard Sergeant Grey wrong. 

Her? 

A training officer? 

Absurd. 

“I failed the detectives exam, though,” she whispers, shaking her head. She drops her gaze from Grey’s, biting her lip as she shrugs. “Why … why would you want me training rookies?”

Grey leans forward, his gaze piercing when she finally glances back up to meet his eyes. 

“You didn’t fail, Officer Chen. In fact, on the written portion, you placed first. The only reason you got seventeenth place, to my understanding, is because of the officer who took offense to your meddling, and that tells me two very important things. Number one, you’re damn smart and you’re exactly who I want training my rookies. Number two, you fiercely love and care for your people. I know you did that five player trade for Tim, but I have no doubt that you would have set things in motion for any of the people you love. That tells me you’re smart, dedicated, and loyal — everything I want in a training officer. We would be lucky to have you as part of the FTO program.”

Lucy leans back in her chair, eyes wide and lips parted. 

She opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out, and her heart hammers in her chest as Grey’s words echo in her head. 

Smart, dedicated, loyal. 

She doesn’t often believe those things about herself, but hearing that Sergeant Grey  believes them about her? 

She’s in shock. 

“I…” she whispers, and she shakes her head because the why doesn’t matter so much right now. More importantly … “How? The exam isn’t for another thirteen months, sir.”

Grey smiles as he leans forward, resting his elbows on the desk in front of him. 

“All of the LAPD is currently hurting for training officers, every single station. The number of rookies graduating the Academy is currently much higher than the number of qualified training officers, so they’re approving an emergency exam for next month and fast tracking qualified officers through the process. The hope is to have the next group of TOs trained and ready to begin after the current rookie class graduates in six months. My hope is to have you ready to take over Officer Herndon’s training within the next six to eight weeks. I know you’re smart, and I know you can be ready to take the exam before next month. I just need to know if this is something you’d want.”

Lucy sits back in her chair, flabbergasted. 

“I… I am interested, sir,” she says, but then immediately winces. 

She’s interested, yes, but she’s also pregnant. 

She’ll be on desk duty within the next six months, easily, and then out for maternity leave for eight weeks after that. 

Shit. 

“You paused, Officer Chen. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

Lucy glances up at Grey and offers him a small smile that doesn’t really reach her eyes. 

“I’m sorry, sir, I just… there are some… personal issues to consider. I’m not saying no, but… can I have some time to think about it?”

Grey nods and then stands, and Lucy scrambles to follow suit. She watches, biting her lip, as Grey reaches into his desk and pulls out a stack of books. 

“You have thirty two days before the exam. Take all of the time you want, but start studying in the meantime. It can’t hurt to have the knowledge even if you decide not to go for it. But, Lucy, there’s one more thing.”

Lucy makes a noise to indicate that she’s listening, but she can’t find words to respond to Grey verbally. 

She’s overwhelmed, shocked that he wants her to do this, and torn because she’s not sure she logically and logistically can. 

“One of the requirements for the fast track is to spend a week shadowing a qualified Training Officer. And I would like that Training Officer to be Sergeant Bradford. Officer Nolan is …”

He trails off and Lucy has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. 

Nolan has a good heart, she knows, but it’s been six months and Officer Juarez still has a LOT to learn.

“I understand, sir, and… and that wouldn’t be an issue.”

Grey raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything. “If you’re sure…”

“Like you said, sir, we’re doing better now. We’ll be okay, and we will keep it professional. You know, if I decide to go for it.” 

Grey nods, and then motions toward the door of his office. 

“Think it over, Officer. Let me know if you have any questions or concerns, and if you decide to take it, I’ll get you on the list ASAP.”

“Thank you, sir,” Lucy murmurs. She offers him one last smile of thanks, and then walks out of his office quickly, her head full and her heart aching. 

She finally has a realistic prospect for upward movement, and the best thing in her life, the little life she’s created, may be the thing that stops her from going for it. 

______________________

She makes it all the way to Tim’s without coming to any definite conclusions. 

She knows she could take the test and be ready to begin training Officer Herndon within six weeks, and that she could stay with him up until she’s forced onto maternity leave, which would hopefully be at her eighth month or later. By then, Nolan would be done training Officer Juarez, and he could take over the rest of Herndon’s training while she’s on maternity leave. 

“And,” she tells Tim as he shoves a smoothie into her hands and forces her to take a long sip. “And, I could be back from maternity leave by the time the new batch of rookies is even ready for their six month exam. Oh my god this is delicious. What is it?”

Tim chuckles fondly as he leans against the counter, a dish towel thrown over his shoulder as he watches her with a small smirk playing on his lips. 

“It’s a coconut water and banana smoothie. There’s honey, oatmeal, and ginger in there, too. It’s supposed to be really hydrating and easy on your stomach.”

Lucy takes another long sip through the straw, waiting a moment after swallowing to see how it’s going to settle. 

Tim cock his head to the side, waiting, and when she smiles, he smiles, too. 

“Good?”

“Mmm,” she hums, already going back for more. 

“You must be starving,” Tim murmurs, pushing off of the counter to approach her. He sets out the bottle of coconut water he’d used for the smoothie and pushes it close to her, encouraging her to drink it, too. “And probably dehydrated. Did you eat anything today?”

Lucy shakes her head guiltily, wincing at the reminder.

“No, I just felt so nauseous. I know I have to eat, I just…”

Tim whips the towel off of his shoulder and uses it to take a pan off of the stove. Lucy watches as he stirs the soup, sprinkling in a little salt, pepper, and nutmeg into it as he does. 

“It’s okay,” he says, glancing up at her briefly before turning back to the food he's preparing. “I’ll bring you a smoothie in the morning, too.”

Lucy melts a little bit as she sips on the drink he’d made for her the second she’d walked into his house. “You don’t have to do that,” she whispers, even though the thought of him bringing her a smoothie every morning makes her belly warm with happiness. 

“I want to,” he murmurs. He lifts the spoon and holds it out, one hand underneath it to catch any drops. “Here, try this.”

Lucy leans forward and lets him feed her the dark orange soup, humming as the various flavors explode across her tongue. 

She moans a little bit at the taste, and she’s not afraid to admit it. 

Tim grins, cocky and smug. 

“Yeah?”

Lucy nods and licks her lips, chasing the savory, salty taste. 

"Yes. What is it?”

“It’s butternut, carrot, and ginger soup. The website said it has a ton of nutrients and it stores and reheats easily, so I can package the leftovers up for you. It should be gentle on your stomach, too.”

Lucy sighs in happiness as she watches Tim dip two bowls of the soup and bring them to the table. He guides Lucy to her chair with a hand on the small of her back, and doesn’t start eating until she does. 

Neither of them speak much for the next few minutes minutes, Lucy too busy devouring the first thing she’s been able to eat in over twenty four hours and Tim too busy watching her. Eventually, though, her spoon scrapes the bottom of the bowl and she sits back, full and content. 

“So, do you think I should do it?” she asks. 

Tim pushes his bowl away and rests his elbows on the table, his gaze not wavering from hers. 

“Yes,” he says simply. “I do. I think you’d be amazing. Eventually we’ll have to tell Gray about the pregnancy, anyway, so it might as well be now. I honestly don’t think it’ll hurt your chances of being considered. He admires you, Lucy, and he will be willing to work around your maternity leave. Wrigley can step in once you're out, take Janes off of my hands for a while, and I can take a turn with Herndon. We can play Training Officer roulette, swap them around so that they get everyone’s expertise.”

Lucy hums, nodding in agreement as she thinks about Tim's new rookie. 

“How is she?” she asks, sipping at her smoothie as her eyes drop away from Tim’s. He makes a soft noise of confusion, and Lucy clarifies, “Your new rookie. Officer Janes.”

“Oh,” he says, and Lucy glances up just long enough to see him settle back in his chair, his posture a little rigid. No one else would notice, she doesn’t think, but she does. “She’s fine, but nothing like my last rookie.”

Lucy smiles despite herself, twirling her straw around in her mostly empty smoothie cup. 

“You mean Officer Barnes?”

Tim rolls his eyes playfully. “No, Luce. I mean you.”

Lucy grins, her cheeks heating up at the inherent praise in his voice. 

“So, she’s just… fine?”

Tim raises an eyebrow. “She needs to study her rook book. She didn’t know the difference between a 211 and a 459 today. But she’s good under pressure and doesn’t let much bother her. She might make a good cop, as long as she studies and focuses.”

Lucy hums and puts her glass down, her hands falling to her lap. She plays with her own fingers nervously as she tries to squash her own insecurities. 

“She’s pretty,” she eventually murmurs, the words torn from her throat without her permission. 

Tim hums in consideration, and Lucy knows he’s trying to meet her eyes but she can’t make herself look up.

“Yes, and?”

Lucy shrugs. 

She doesn’t want to compare herself to Tim’s new rookie, but it’s hard not to. This new girl is tall and skinny, blonde and preppy. She reminds Lucy of Isabel, of Ashley, and she doesn’t know if it’s the hormones from the pregnancy or the insecurity from the breakup, but she hasn’t been able to quiet the niggling sense of doubt all day.

“Lucy, look at me.”

Lucy startles a little when she glances up, because Tim is no longer in his seat. He’s crouched in front of her, reaching for her hands. She lets him take them into his, and she feels a little stupid as she meets his gaze, watery brown eyes meeting brilliant blue.

Stupid hormones. 

She’s been battling them since before the breakup, she now knows, and it’s nice to know why she suddenly can’t keep her emotions in check. 

“She may be pretty, but you are gorgeous. Every time I turn in my seat and look at her, I think how wrong it is that there aren’t beautiful brown eyes staring back at me, or I think huh, her curls are the wrong color. You are the one I want next to me, every day. But because… because we’re doing this, because we’re having a baby, I can’t have you in the shop with me.”

“I know,” Lucy whispers, sniffing. 

Tim stares at her with love and concern shining in his eyes, and Lucy knows that he means every word he’s saying. 

“But I get you in my life, which is infinitely better. I get a second chance. And Lucy, I won’t risk that chance for anything, and definitely not for a leggy blonde who can’t even tell me what a 459 is.”

Lucy laughs and then clears her throat, taking a second to get her emotions under control. She blows out a breath and then nods, meeting Tim’s eyes again as he brushes his warm, dry thumb across her knuckles. 

“Are we good?” he asks.

“Yeah, Tim. We’re good. And… and thank you for dinner, and the ginger candies, and the smoothie. You’re taking such good care of me.”

Tim grins a toothy grin, his eyes sparkling. 

“Baby steps, right?” he asks, and she nods. 

She wants to lurch forward and kiss him senseless, but she holds herself back. 

“Baby steps,” she agrees softly. 

Chapter Text

Tim

Today is Lucy’s first ultrasound appointment, and Tim is excited. 

He’s also late, which is way more important than his excitement because he’d promised Lucy he’d be there and he cannot break another promise to her. 

He cannot let her down again.

“Do not leave this diner until I come to pick you up. Sit, eat fries, and study your rook book.”

Officer Janes nods, eyes wide, and Tim glares at her one final time just to make sure she knows he’s serious as he backs out of the diner. He knows that Officer Herndon will be here soon, too, considering that Wrigley always drops his rookies off at the dinfer so that he can go home and eat mac and cheese in his undies. So, it’s not like he’s abandoning her, and besides, he’ll be back soon. 

“Stay,” he says one final time, not unlike he’d command Kojo, and then he’s turning and basically jogging back to the shop, phone in one hand as he simultaneously texts and backs out of his parking spot. 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
I’m on my way, Luce. I couldn’t get my shift covered, but I dropped Janes off at Wrigley’s diner and am using lights and sirens. I'll be there soon.

He’s not actually using lights and sirens, but he is speeding. 

It’s already 12:07, and while he knows that doctor’s offices always run behind, he also knows that he should have been there. 

Lucy responds as he’s sitting impatiently at a red light just around the corner. 

It’s always been easy to read her, even though text message.

To: Tim Bradford
From: Lucy Chen
Okay. 

She’s mad. 

Tim sighs and parks the shop before jumping out, still in full uniform, to jog into the building. He takes the elevator to the fifth floor and skids to a stop in front of the receptionist’s desk at 12:16 pm. 

“Lucy… Chen,” he gasps, out of breath in a way he’ll never admit to anyone. “I’m here for Lucy. Is she already…?”

The woman turns to her computer, unconcerned with the fact that Tim is sweaty, out of breath, and clearly in a hurry. 

“And you are…?”

“Tim Bradford. I’m on all her paperwork,” he says, directing the full force of his TO glare her way. “What room is she in?”

The receptionist looks up, pops her gum between her teeth, and then says, “Through the door and to the left. Room 7.”

Tim doesn’t bother thanking her. He just turns and hurries down the hallway, his eyes scanning the doors until he stops outside of the one Lucy is in. It’s cracked open a few inches, but he knocks anyway. 

“Lucy?”

“In here, Tim."

She doesn’t sound too mad, at least. 

“Hey,” he murmurs, smiling cautiously as he walks inside. She’s sitting on the edge of the bed, her doctor in front of her and her pants already off and folded on the chair next to her. There’s a sheet covering her lap, and Tim winces internally because whatever is happening that requires her pants to be off can’t be pleasant. 

“We were just finishing up with Lucy’s symptoms. Everything seems normal so far, no cause for concern. If the morning sickness continues, though, I can prescribe something for it. I’m Dr. Kovac, by the way. Nice to meet you.”

Tim introduces himself and shakes her hand before quickly moving to stand by Lucy’s side, his hand falling to the bed to lay over hers. She turns and smiles up at him, her eyes a little guarded but still sparkling with happiness, and Tim wants to lean down and kiss her the way he would have only a few weeks ago, but he knows that he shouldn’t. 

Everything at her pace. 

“Thanks for coming,” she whispers. 

Tim nods, brushing his thumb over her knuckles as he responds, “Of course, Luce. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

“Is this dad?” Dr. Kovac asks, and Lucy nods as she turns back toward the other woman. 

Tim nods, too, though his throat is suddenly thick and his eyes misty as he registers her words. 

Dad.

He’s someone’s dad now. 

“Yeah,” he whispers, swallowing around the sudden lump in his throat. “Yeah, I am.”

Lucy turns to glance up at him, and Tim thinks that, if he hadn’t broken up with her, this would be one of the best moments of his life. 

And it still is, in a way, because they’re having a baby. 

But it’s not what it should be. 

They should have come to this appointment together. 

They should be in this together. 

But instead he hasn’t seen her since Tuesday when they last had a shift together and he doesn’t know how she’s been feeling. He doesn’t know if she felt sick this morning or if she’s feeling better, he doesn’t know if she’s having any cravings, and he hasn’t had the chance to caress her belly and talk to their baby. 

He hates it. 

It’s all his fault, of course. 

He did this to them. 

But it still hurts. 

“Ready, Lucy?”

Tim tunes back into reality just as Lucy is laying back on the table and scooting her ass toward the edge. Tim raises an eyebrow, not sure what’s happening as Dr. Kovac helps her position her feet in the stirrups and pushes the sheet covering her lap up toward her knees. 

“This may be cold,” she murmurs, and Tim has a flash of horrifying realization as she lifts up a long, white wand covered in lube. 

“Oh,” he whispers, and both women laugh at him as he eyes the wand with a wince. 

“You’re early enough in your pregnancy that we’re going to do a transvaginal ultrasound today. We can see better this way, get a nice, good look at baby.”

Tim nods, holding tightly to Lucy’s hand as Dr. Kovac inserts the wand into her vagina. Lucy winces and arches her back a little bit as he tries to find a more comfortable position, squeezing his fingers as the doctor murmurs her apologies. 

“You okay?” Tim asks quietly, and Lucy nods as she blows out a long, slow breath. 

“Yeah. It doesn’t hurt, exactly, it just feels… weird.”

Tim wants to make a crack about how the wand isn’t much bigger than he is, but he doesn’t think Lucy would find him very funny right now. Besides, the wand is cold and hard and not in the fun way. 

“It’ll be worth it in just a second, mama,” Dr. Kovac says, smiling as she turns a screen toward them. “I’ve just about found…ah, ha! There’s baby!”

Tim stares, mouth wide open, as the screen flickers and then slowly comes into grainy focus. 

“It looks like a real baby!” he says in wonder, and Lucy laughs wetly, tears in her own eyes as she watches the screen. 

“Yes, it sure does,” Dr. Kovac agrees, nodding as she begins to take some measurements. “You’re further along than we anticipated, Lucy. We were expecting you to be around 6 or 7 weeks, when baby doesn’t look like much more than a blob, but… I’m seeing arm and legs buds, a well formed head, and the umbilical cord. See here? Nice and thick, good attachment. And here you can see…”

She continues talking, but Tim doesn’t hear much of what she’s saying as he watches the little baby-shaped blob on the screen move around. It’s active, little feet and arms waving and kicking. 

“Can you feel anything?” Tim asks, curious, but Lucy just shakes her head. 

Dr. Kovac chuckles as she freezes the screen, dragging the mouse across to take a measurement of the baby from head to rump. 

“No, Lucy won’t be able to feel anything for another ten weeks or so. At this point, baby is measuring right at an inch and a half. About the size of a strawberry.”

Tim chokes on his own spit as he looks from the screen to Lucy’s belly and then back up. 

“A strawberry?”

Dr. Kovac nods, smiling as she unfreezes the screen. 

“Yes, and they weigh about a fourth of an ounce. They won’t be big enough for Lucy to feel until about twenty weeks.”

“How far along am I?” Lucy inquires, and Dr. Kovac pauses as she types a few notes into the computer. 

“Based on baby’s size, I’d put you right around 10 weeks.”

Tim counts back in his head and flushes when he realizes when their baby was most likely conceived. 

“The wedding,” Lucy whispers, and Tim nods in agreement. “When we… oh.”

Their baby had been conceived in a bathroom at Nolan’s wedding, the one time they hadn’t used protection. 

He’s never living this down. 

Lucy giggles and turns her head into his stomach, holding tightly to his hand as her cheeks slowly darken. 

“Do you want to hear the heartbeat?” Dr. Kovac asks, and all of Tim’s embarrassment disappears as he nods his head. 

“Yes, please.”

Dr. Kovac clicks a few buttons and suddenly the room is filled with a fast swooshing noise, the sound of their baby’s heartbeat surrounding them and echoing in their ears. 

“Oh, wow,” Lucy whispers, and Tim nods, unable to form words as he listens to the proof of their baby’s life. 

There really is a baby in there, he marvels, wiggling around and growing slowly into a teeny, tiny human. 

“That’s…” he whispers, but he finds he doesn’t have words.

L ucy squeezes his hand as they listen, and while everything in their lives is a little bit tumultuous, this seems easy. 

Loving this baby will be the easiest thing he’s ever done, with the possible exception of loving its mother. 

________________________

They leave the doctor’s office with twin copies of the ultrasound picture in hand', and Tim smiles as he pauses right outside of the office to pull his wallet out. He slides the picture inside, front and center, and then grins at it stupidly for a long moment while people move around their motionless bodies. 

Lucy’s hand sliding into his brings him back to the present, through, and he turns to grin at her as he remembers the rapid swooshing of their baby’s heart.

“That was…”

“Amazing,” Lucy whispers, and he nods because yeah, that’s the word. 

Amazing. 

“We’re really doing this, huh?” he whispers, and Lucy nods as they walk hand-in-hand toward the elevator. She presses the button and then turns toward Tim, smiling up at him. She seems less guarded than before, her gaze now filled with excitement and happiness, and that is what this should be like, Tim realizes. 

Smiles, happiness, slow, happy kisses in the doctor’s office. 

They should be going home together, staring at the picture of their baby and celebrating. 

But instead, she’s going home alone and he’s going back to work. 

He won’t see her again today (unless he asks, and he doesn’t want to push her). He won’t hold her while they sleep, won’t press a protective hand over her belly or whisper to their baby in the darkness of the night. 

They’ll both sleep alone tonight, and it feels wrong. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, but before Lucy can ask him why, the elevator door is opening and there stands Quiggly fucking Smitty, slurping on a big gulp and raising an eyebrow as his eyes roam over their clasped hands and the obvious, ten foot long sign announcing Obstetrics that's right above their heads. 

Tim winces, and wonders how they're getting out of this one. 

Well. 

Fuck. 

Chapter Text

Lucy

Smitty. 

Of fucking course it’s him. 

The man is everywhere, all of the time. 

“What are you doing here?!”

Lucy glances back and forth between Tim and Smitty as they both demand answers simultaneously. Tim is frowning, his eyebrows scrunched together in concern, while Smitty is smiling brightly, his lips turned up in amusement around his straw as he sips his drink noisily. 

“My acupuncturist is on the floor below us,” Smitty says simply, shrugging as he steps off of the elevator to let it close behind him.

“That doesn’t explain why you’re on the obstetrics floor,” Tim growls, glowering at the other Sergeant. 

Smitty’s smile grows in equal proportion to Tim’s annoyance. 

“It also doesn’t explain why you’re here, and with the lovely Officer Chen, too, I might add.”

There’s a twinkle in his eyes that Lucy knows means he’s already put the pieces together, and of course he has a functioning brain when she wants to hide something from the entire station but not when she needs him for something useful, like a case. 

“I… we…uh—” Tim tries, but Lucy can tell immediately that nothing helpful is going to come out of his mouth. 

And besides, can they really deny it?

Why would they be here, other than the obvious? If she were in uniform like Tim, she might be able to brush it off as case related, but she’s not, and she’s sure that Smitty is clever enough to realize Tim’s rookie isn’t with him and so this must not be work related. 

“I’m pregnant,” she says, sighing and giving into the inevitable as she holds up the ultrasound photo she hasn’t yet been able to slide into her pocket. 

Tim makes a noise of disbelief beside her, and Lucy smiles shakily at him before turning her attention back to Smitty. 

“But you cannot tell anyone, Smitty. And I mean it.”

“Awww, a little Bradford and Chen baby!” Smitty coos, reaching for the photo while simultaneously ignoring Lucy’s words. She snatches the picture out of his grasp, though, glaring at him until he drops his hand back to his side where it belongs. “But wait — I thought you two were broken up?"

Tim rolls his eyes. 

“You do know how this works, right? We only broke up four weeks ago, Simtty.”

Smitty looks confused for one long second, and then he smiles and snaps his fingers as comprehension dawns in his eyes. “Ooooooh, I see. You got a little freaky in the sheets before breaking up, and now… oh, man. This is too good!"

Tim rolls his eyes and takes a step closer to the carefree Sergeant, his expression murderous. 

“Look, Smitty. This is none of your business. So whatever you think you saw today? Forget it, or I’ll sic Lopez on you, and I believe she was… quite graphic about what she’d do to you if you spilled the beans about our little secret operation. Imagine how mad she’d be if you upset Lucy.”

Smitty’s gaze flickers between Tim’s murderous glare and Lucy’s beseeching eyes. He has a soft spot for her, she knows, and she tries to look as small and sweet as she possibly can. Maybe good cop, bad cop will work on Smitty — and Tim is definitely the bad cop in this situation. 

(And other situations, too, though she’s trying not to let her mind wander there even though Tim’s power pose and the uniform combined are doing things to her). 

“All right,” Smitty finally decides, nodding decisively as he sips at his big gulp. “I won’t say a word. Cross my heart and hope to die. But…”

Tim’s glare is back in full force, the little relief he’d let show on his expression gone as Smitty pauses, letting the silence linger between them. 

“I swear to god if you ask for a favor…” Tim growls, and Lucy winces as she remembers the last favor she’d done for Smitty. 

She still sees his trailer in her nightmares. 

“Nah, nothin’ like that,” he says, eyes twinkling now. “I was going to say, I’m happy for you guys.”

“Oh,” Tim murmurs, falling back, his expression no longer homicidal. “Oh. Well… thank you? I guess?"

Smitty salutes them and then points his thumb behind himself. 

“I gotta go. I have an eye appointment,” he says, and Lucy nearly slaps her own hand to her forehead in exasperation when she turns and sees the Optometrist behind them, sharing the floor with the Obstetrics department. 

Fuck. 

They could have said she was here for new contacts, though she isn’t sure how she’d explain Tim’s presence. 

Oh, well. 

Too late now. 

They watch Smitty go, silence trailing in his wake as his whistle and the slurping from his big gulp disappear in t he distance. 

Tim is the first to move, reaching out to press the elevator button again, but neither of them speak until they reach the first floor and then wander outside into the sunshine. 

I’m sorry, Tim had whispered, and Lucy's about ninety percent sure he wasn’t apologizing for the break up, though he’s done that plenty in the past few days. He’d been staring at the ultrasound picture when he’d said it, and now that she’s not panicking because of Smitty’s presence, she’s wondering why. 

Is he sorry about the baby?

Or just sorry because of how things with the baby are going down? 

“I should get back to the diner and pick up Officer Janes,” Tim murmurs, and Lucy knows she should let him go but she can’t help the unease and anxiety roiling in her stomach. 

“Wait,” she whispers, and it would be comedic how quickly Tim comes to a halt at her command if she weren’t so worried. “Um.”

He takes a step toward her, his gaze concerned, one hand reaching out to settle on her arm. 

“What’s wrong?”

Lucy takes a deep breath and then forces the words past her lips, even though her heart is thundering with the possibilities. 

What if he is sorry about the baby?

Sorry she’s pregnant?

Sorry that he hadn’t been able to make a clean break like he'd wanted?

But no, she thinks. 

He had been incandescently happy when she’d told him about the baby, and he’d asked for a second chance with her before he’d even known she was pregnant. 

She knows it’s not that.

“We said we’d work on our communication,” she murmurs, and Tim nods even though he still looks confused. “And I’m trying. So… you said I’m sorry before Smitty interrupted us. What… what are you sorry about?”

Tim blows out a breath and takes a step back, and Lucy feels the anxiety crawling slowly up her throat as she waits for him to gather his thoughts. The wind blows softly through her hair as she waits, and she watches Tim through strands of wavy, brown hair as it flies through her vision.

He looks beautiful, she marvels, as the sun dances across his skin. His blue eyes are so bright and deep that she could get lost in them. 

She loves him still, desperately, even if she’s not quite ready to trust him with her heart again. 

“I’m sorry,” Tim begins slowly, his voice soft but certain. “Not because you’re pregnant, because that’s… god, it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He pauses, shaking his head as he steps back into her space, his hand landing on her arm again. “Wait, no. The best thing that’s ever happened to me is you, but this is easily the second best. So I’m not sorry about that. I’m sorry because… this isn’t how I imagined this happening, Luce, and I’m sure it isn’t how you imagined it, either.”

Lucy shakes her head slowly. 

No, it’s not. 

She’d imagined they’d be together. She’d imagined a house all their own, a ring on her finger. And sure, she’d thought about it happening before that by accident because they weren't always careful,  but even then, she'd imagined that he’d be hers still. 

She’d imagined him by her side through everything. Every morning spent worshiping the porcelain throne, every craving, every single moment. 

There are tears in her eyes as she shakes her head slowly.

“It’s not,” she whispers, her voice barely traveling the distance between their two bodies. “It's not what I imagined. I wanted…”

She trails off, though, because everything she’d wanted is simply too big for words. 

Tim understands, though. 

He always understands. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry that I got in my head and pushed you away. I’m sorry I left you in that parking lot. I’m sorry that I decided for you that you’d be better off without me. Dr. London may have been a pawn in Monica’s game, but she made me realize a few things, and one of them was that I had no right to make that choice for you.”

“No, you didn’t,” Lucy agrees, but despite her words, she’s still in Tim’s space, his hand on her arm, her fingers playing with the material of his uniform shirt. “I wanted to help you, Tim. I wanted to help you get better, to stand by your side as you figured things out. But…”

Tim nods, his own eyes wet with unshed tears now. “I know. And I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for it, but I know now that what I did was wrong. And Luce, I’m not better yet. I’m not the man I want to be yet. But… but I see now that I should have let you stay by my side, supporting me along the journey — if that was what you wanted.”

“I did,” Lucy confirms, nodding as her fingers tighten in his shirt. “I did want that.”

She knows he won’t walk away right now, but she can’t convince her fingers to loosen in the material.

“I know you’re not healed yet,” she says, sniffling as she glances up to meet his gaze. “And I’m not over how you handled it, either. I’m still mad. I’m still hurt. And I still don’t… I don’t fully trust you with my heart again. I’m not ready for that again yet.”

Tim nods, his lips pressed into a thin line and his jaw tight as he tries to keep the tears falling from his eyes. 

“I know, and it’s my fault so I can’t even really be upset about it.”

Lucy licks her lips and glances at the parking lot behind Tim’s body, gathering her thoughts as she breathes slowly through her nose to try and control the wave of emotion that threatens to overtake her.

“We’re both hurt, and we’re both a little broken,” she continues, and Tim nods slowly in agreement as he watches her carefully. “But I want to heal together, Tim. Can we please do this together? I miss you.”

Tim nods, finally losing the battle with his tears as he lurches forward and wraps his arms around her body, pulling her as tightly against him as he can with his duty belt in the way. One hand comes up to cup the back of her head, and Lucy’s whole body sags in relief as he holds her tightly, their hearts beating together as they breathe in the silence. 

She holds him for a long time, breathing him in and trying to memorize his scent, the scent that’s faded from the t-shirts she sleeps in and the blankets on her bed. The scent that’s slowly but surely disappeared from her house over the past for weeks. 

The scent she loves. 

When she pulls back her eyes and cheeks are wet, though any self consciousness about it disappears when she takes in Tim’s face. 

He looks wrecked. 

His cheeks are red and wet, his eyes bloodshot. 

He looks every single second of his forty-two years and then some.

Lucy wants to pull him into her arms again, but she knows that they don’t have time. 

“Come over tonight and I’ll let you make me dinner again,” she whispers instead, and Tim is nodding frantically before she’s even finished speaking. “Bring Kojo.”

She doesn’t know if she wants to ask him to stay the night yet, but she definitely wants Kojo cuddles. 

And she wants to have the option of asking him to stay, if it feels right in the moment. 

“I’ll be over as soon as my shift is done,” he promises, resting his hands on his duty belt even though it looks for all the world like he wants to reach out and touch her. 

Lucy smiles and takes a step back, wiping a hand across her cheeks to clear the stubbornly clinging tears. 

“See you soon,” she whispers. 

She can feel Tim’s eyes on her all the way back to her car. 

Chapter Text

Tim

As soon as his shift is over, Tim marches Janes to one of the desks in the bullpen and drops their paperwork in front of her along with a pen, a snack, and a soda. 

(As much as he denies it, he has become softer since Lucy entered his life). 

“This is your next test, Boot. I’m very generously allowing you to do our paperwork all by yourself today. Leave it on my desk and I’ll check it over in the morning. Each mistake made is 50 push-ups. Good luck.”

Officer Janes stares after him with wide eyes and lips parted in surprise, but Tim pays her no mind. 

He’ll come in early to check her work. He doesn’t mind setting his alarm thirty minutes earlier. 

He does mind spending a single second longer away from Lucy, though, and it’s with a spring in his step that he changes out and walks to his truck. 

He can be at Lucy’s apartment in less than twenty minutes, he knows, but he pauses as he climbs into the cab and starts the engine. 

Baby steps, he thinks, and he smiles as he turns his truck in the direction of the store instead of Lucy’s apartment. 

It’s fifty five minutes later that he shows up, but he’s armed with caramel ice cream, a bouquet of Lucy’s favorite flowers, Kojo, ingredients for dinner, and a little gift basket of bath bombs, bubble baths, and other assorted goodies. She loves to wind down with a nice, hot bath, and he knows she must be more stressed than ever right now. 

“Hey.”

Lucy greets him with a small, soft smile that only grows as each of the gifts is given and accepted. 

Kojo, as expected, gets the biggest reaction, and Tim watches fondly as Lucy sits on the floor, laughing brightly as the boy wags his tail and licks her face, his paws in her lap and on her shoulder. 

He lets it go on until Kojo begins inching his paws up her stomach to reach her face better, and Tim falls to the floor next to them, gently removing the dog before he can stick a paw in her belly. 

“Be careful, bud,” he murmurs, patting Kojo on the head as Lucy wipes dog slobber from her face. “Mommy’s got precious cargo in there.”

Kojo whines and then licks Lucy’s hands, nudging her with his head as he sniffs her midsection. 

“A little brother or sister for you,” Lucy adds, and Tim basks in the simple moment of happiness as they both pet their co-parented dog. 

Eventually Tim stands, holding out a hand to help Lucy off of the floor as Kojo begins to sniff around the apartment, his ears perked and his tail wagging at light speed as he explores all of the new scents and objects. He sneezes violently when he finds Celina’s herbs, and both Lucy and Tim chuckle at him as Lucy settles onto a stool at the counter at Tim’s insistence. 

“You said I could cook,” he murmurs, and she rolls her eyes playfully but takes the seat that Tim all but lifts her into. 

They fall into a comfortable routine as he hands her vegetables to chop, the sounds of cooking filling the apartment as Kojo collapses into a happy puddle at Lucy’s feet after sniffing every inch of the apartment he has access to. 

Tim watches them both and feels something warm and heady settle in his stomach seeing them together again. 

They’re all together again, and it feels almost normal. 

Almost. 

“Tell me about your day,” he requests, and Lucy glances up at him as he begins to saute the onion she’s just chopped. 

“It was boring,” she says, but she’s smiling as she begins to cut red and green bell peppers into long, thin slices. “After our appointment I went to that natural food store you recommended and stocked up on those ginger candies. They actually help a lot. Then I did laundry and cleaned the house. Nothing very exciting.”

Tim nods as he stirs the onions to keep them from burning. 

“How was your day?” Lucy asks, and Tim smiles as he turns to take the peppers from her, adding them to the pan and enjoying the way the oil sizzles as he does so. 

“A little more exciting than that, but not much. We had a few routine calls and then I spent an hour quizzing Officer Janes on the most obscure police codes I could think of. She only got seven out of twenty five correct, so she has a lot of studying to do if she’s not going to wash out.”

“Well,” Lucy says, and Tim can sense that she’s a little subdued at the mention of his rookie, but he’s not going to bring it up if she isn’t. “Not everyone can be me.”

He laughs, shaking his head as he adds diced, raw chicken to the pot. Chicken that he’d bought already skinned and sliced because he didn’t want Lucy to have to deal with raw meat.

“No, they sure can’t,” he agrees. “What was it? The best rookie I’ve ever trained, I believe?”

Lucy grins widely at the mention of the audiobooks she’d made him while he’d been studying for Sergeant. 

“And you’d better not forget it,” she threatens. 

“I wouldn’t dare,” he whispers, and how could he possibly?

He listens to her audiobooks every time he misses her, only able to relax when he hears her voice echoing in his head, her laughter and indignant comments on the more sexist, out-of-print books making him smile even on the hardest days. 

They finish cooking the (very lightly spiced) fajitas that Tim knows she loves, a mostly comfortable silence settling over them as they chop and stir together, and as he cooks, Tim lets himself think of all the things he wants to say but hasn’t been brave enough to until now. 

Lucy had been brave earlier, stopping him in the parking lot and asking him if they could heal together. 

Lucy has always been the brave one. 

He wants to be brave now, too. 

“Let’s eat in the living room,” he murmurs, and Lucy nods as he gathers their plates and glasses of water and carries them to the couch. They settle on opposite ends, more space between them than there has been since the night they’d “practiced” for their undercover assignment, and they spend the first few minutes mostly eating in silence. 

Tim watches her, chewing slowly as he mentally practices the words he wants to say. 

The words he hasn’t been brave enough to say up until this point. 

“Luce?” he whispers. 

She glances up, a red pepper caught between her lips, and Tim feels a love so intense that it takes his breath away. 

“Hmm?”

He smiles and watches her for a moment, besotted. 

How had he ever walked away from her? 

How had he ever said goodbye? 

He knows she deserves better, but he’s been learning in therapy that he deserves to be loved, too. 

He doesn’t believe it yet, of course, but he’s trying. 

“I want to be brave,” he murmurs, and Lucy looks at him, her head cocked to the side in confusion as he sets his plate down on the coffee table and turns more fully toward her. “You were brave earlier, in the parking lot. You were brave when you kissed me in this very room, so many months ago. You were brave when you invited me inside. I … I haven’t been brave. I was so scared, Lucy, that I kept dating Ashley even though I knew she wasn’t the one for me. God knows how long I would have let it go on if she hadn’t ended things. And yes, I asked you out, but that was easy. When it came to the hard stuff — the really hard stuff — I chickened out. I walked away. But now… now I want to be brave.”

Lucy swallows the bite of chicken she’s been thoughtfully chewing on and then sets her plate down, too. 

“Okay,” she whispers, nodding as she places her hands in her lap and gives him her undivided attention. “Be brave then, Tim.”

He clears his throat and scoots forward, reaching for her hands. 

“I feel like we’ve been dancing around this. Me in the elevator, you in the doctor’s parking lot. We’ve said things, but we haven’t really said anything, or at least nothing concrete. But I want to make it abundantly clear, and then I’m going to step back and let you make the next move, okay?”

Lucy nods, and Tim draws in a slow, steadying breath, much like he had in the station parking lot before he’d whispered the words that changed both of their lives.

Do you want to get dinner sometime? 

“I love you,” he whispers, and the little gasp of surprise that passes Lucy’s lips makes his heart stutter in his chest. “I love you, Lucy. I never stopped loving you, and I never will. I made a mistake, and I want to make up for it. I want you back. I want us to date again, to be together again. Not just heal together, but be together. And I feel like you might have known that’s what I meant when I said I’d spend the rest of my life making it up to you, but I just wanted to make it completely clear what I want. I want you. All of you. If you’ll still have me.”

Lucy doesn’t speak for a long moment, but Tim finds that he’s actually very calm about the whole thing. 

He’s laid all his cards on the table, and now it’s up to Lucy. 

“I want that, too,” she finally says, and Tim feels his lips twitch into a smile as she squeezes his hands where he’s holding hers. “I love you, too, Tim. I want us to be together, really together, too.  And I’m trying not to be mad, but I still am, sometimes, because we had something great and you took that away from us.”

“I know,” Tim whispers. 

Even if they’re together for fifty years, he thinks he’ll always remember walking away from her and breaking her heart. 

“I’ve forgiven you,” Lucy continues, rubbing her thumb across Tim’s knuckles where they’re still a little bit bruised. “But I can’t forget. Not yet. Baby steps, remember?”

“Okay,” Tim whispers, nodding. “That’s more than I hoped for, Luce. That’s more than I deserve. And you can be mad all you want. You can yell at me and throw things and even hit me if you want to.”

“Oh, Tim,” Lucy whispers, shaking her head. 

There are tears in her eyes, and Tim wants to brush them away but he doesn’t want to let go of her hands. 

“I’m mad,” she continues, scooting even closer to him on the couch. “I am. But just because I’m mad doesn’t mean I want to hurt you. I’d never hit you, not in anger. I don’t want to scream and throw things. I’m not…”

I’m not him. 

She doesn’t say the words, but Tim hears them anyway. 

“I’m working on that in therapy, too,” he whispers, because he knows that believing everyone who is mad at him wants to hurt him is a product of his childhood that he needs to shed before the baby comes. “Or… I was. With Dr. London. I’ll keep working on it with the new therapist, too, I promise.”

“Did you ever find someone?” Lucy asks. 

Tim senses the shift in conversation, but he lets it happen. 

They’ve said what they need to say. 

They’ve clarified what they want, and that it will take a while for them to get there. 

He’s happy to wait as long as she needs. 

“Yeah,” he confirms, squeezing her hands before dropping them and reaching for their food. He hands hers back to her first and then takes his own. “Dr. Keller is going to see me, and he referred us to his colleague, Dr. Yarrow, for couples counseling. I have their numbers so you can check them out, if you want.”

“I’d like that,” Lucy murmurs, nodding. “I’ll add it to my never-ending to-do list.”

Tim hums as he takes a bite of his chicken. 

“What can I help with? To make your to-do list lighter?”

Lucy sighs and shrugs as she balances her plate on her lap. 

“There’s so much to do for the baby. I can… I can sit down and write some of it out so that you can help, if you want.”

Tim nods enthusiastically. 

“I'll so anything you want me to,” he promises. 

“A lot of it I have to do by myself,” Lucy continues. “I need to talk to Grey, begin studying for the TO exam, and set up a shadowing schedule with you. I need to start looking at apartments because this one is definitely too small for me, Celina, and a baby. Plus I don’t even know if she’s going to want to live with a baby, so I for sure need to think about moving out. I need to start reviewing car seats, because I want one that can do extended rear facing. I need to find  good, discrete breast pump, I need —”

Tim cuts her off with a finger pressed gently to her lips, because he feels like if he doesn’t, she’ll just keep going. 

He’s sure her mental to-do list is a mile long, and he can help her with a lot of it, but the baby still has to cook for another 30 weeks and they have time. 

“Some of that can wait,” he says, chuckling as he finishes off his dinner and then gathers his and Lucy’s empty plates. “In fact, all of it can wait until at least tomorrow. Tonight you should relax. Top Chef?”

Lucy nods, smiling softly as Tim takes their dishes to the kitchen, rinses them, and puts them in the dishwasher. He brings back two bowls of ice cream for them and a bone for Kojo, and they spend the next two hours watching episodes of Top Chef that she’s had on her DVR for weeks, unable to watch without bursting into tears. 

They watch until Lucy’s eyes begin to slip closed, and Tim chuckles as she lurches forward, her eyes snapping open as her head bobs for at least the tenth time in the past five minutes. 

“You should go to bed,” he murmurs. “And I should get the boy home.”

Lucy whines and reaches out for him, and Tim chuckles as she blinks sleepily. 

God, she’s cute. 

“Stay,” she whines, and his breath catches as she finally makes contact, one hand on his arm and the other tangling in his shirt as she pulls him closer to her. “My bed doesn’t smell like you anymore.”

“Okay,” he whispers, because making the decision to stay with her is as easy as breathing. “Let’s go to bed then.”

He sleeps better that night than he has since he walked out of her apartment so many weeks ago, because while the sound of her voice in his ear is like a balm to his soul, sleeping with her beside him, touching him, is even better. 

Chapter Text

Lucy

Lucy doesn’t invite Tim over again for the next few weeks. 

She wants to, of course, because the night she’d spent in his arms had been the best night of sleep she’d had since he walked away from her in that damn parking lot. 

But she doesn’t. 

She knows they both need time to heal and grow separately before they try and be together again. Tim is in therapy, she knows. He’s gone to three sessions already, and he likes his new therapist. He’s told her about each session briefly but not gone into detail, and that’s okay — she knows that what he talks about in those sessions is his business. 

She’s back in therapy, too, with the same therapist who had seen her through the nightmares after Caleb had kidnapped her. 

Who had seen her through Jackson’s death. 

She’s making progress— she’s been able to let go of some of her anger — but she knows she has a long way to go. Forgiving is easy, in light of everything she knows is going on in Tim’s head. The trauma, the abuse, the PTSD — it’s a miracle he hadn’t broken down years ago. 

But forgetting is proving to be much more difficult. 

Still, even though she doesn’t invite him over, they see each other at the station and the tension is back. 

It feels almost like it had in the weeks between coming back from their undercover mission and Tim asking her to dinner. 

There’s excitement.

Anticipation. 

The realization that there’s the possibility for more, just around the corner. 

“Good morning,” Tim murmurs as he comes to a stop in front of her table at roll call, and Lucy smiles up at him, her hands clasped over her stomach on her duty belt, as he passes her a large coffee cup from Nevin’s. 

“You went twenty minutes out of your way for coffee?” she asks, but she accepts the offering for what it is, breathing in the sweet, spicy scene of chai before taking a long sip, humming happily as the perfectly warm liquid touches her lips.  

Tim shrugs, one corner of his mouth lifted in a half smile as he sips his own (plain, black) coffee. 

“Nevin’s is always worth it,” he says, and Lucy hums as she eyes the bag he’s holding in his free hand. Tim notices and chuckles, holding it up to eye level and shaking it. Lucy’s eyes follow the brown sack, almost completely certain there’s a chocolate croissant in there for her. 

Tim loves her (he said so himself) and he’s been doing so many sweet, little things recently. 

Small doses, she remembers him saying. 

Baby steps. 

“Tiiiiim,” she whines, and his smile grows as he dangles the bag in front of her. “Gimmie.”

“What makes you think this is for you?” he asks. 

Lucy levels him with a thoroughly unimpressed look, one eyebrow raised. 

As if he’d come to her empty handed. 

Tim hands it over, smirking as he does. 

“If you’re done flirting, Bradford, I’d like to start roll call,” Grey snaps, and Tim nearly jumps as the older man’s booming voice fills the room. Lucy hides a smile in her Chai latte and watches as Tim scurries back to his chair, properly chastised by the one man on earth who can elicit a fear response in him. 

“So, you and Tim seem like you’re back on good terms,” Nolan whispers, leaning over to talk without being overheard by Gray. 

He’s only been back on duty for a few days, his ass deemed healed enough to sit in a shop for an extended period of time. He’s been on edge, though, worried about Bailey with the escape of Oscar and Elijah. 

Everyone’s been on edge a little bit, as a matter of fact. Lucy, however, has been too distracted by everything happening with Tim and the baby to focus on anything else. 

“We’re… working on it,” she confirms with a small nod.

“That’s good, Luce. I always wondered why you broke up anyway — it’s clear to anyone with eyes that you love each other.”

Lucy shrugs and turns her attention forward, her eyes on Grey even though she’s barely taking his words in. “Sometimes love isn’t the problem.”

Nolan doesn’t respond, and Lucy’s thankful. 

She’s not really ready to talk about this with anyone other than Tim and her therapist and their therapist, with whom they have an appointment later in the week. It’s complicated and has layers — Tim had layers that she knows even he doesn’t understand yet. 

But they’re working on it, and she’s hopeful that they’ll be in a better place, both as individuals and a couple, before the baby arrives. 

__________________________

She’s on patrol when it happens, stopped at her second favorite coffee shop for a refill. 

“I’ll be right back, Whitney,” she tells the barista who is in the middle of making her half-caf latte. “Yours is one of the only bathrooms in the area that has floor to ceiling stalls, so I have to take advantage of it while I can.”

Whitney nods and Lucy turns to head into the restroom, wincing at the wetness between her thighs. She’d been warned by her doctor that discharge was common early in pregnancy, but she wasn’t prepared for this level of discomfort. 

The bathroom is empty when she checks all the stalls, and she sighs in relief as she turns the lock and removes her duty belt. She hangs it off of the hook on the back of the door and then pulls her pants down to sit on the toilet, but before she can even begin to feel the sweet release of emptying her seemingly always full bladder, she feels panic shoot through her whole body, her fingertips tingling with anxiety and her chest tight as she eyes the sight before her. 

Blood. 

Her underwear are covered in blood. 

“No,” she whispers, her hands shaking as she reaches for toilet paper to wipe. It comes away with only a few small streaks, but she’s still panicking because even if it’s stopped already it happened and oh got her baby. 

She wipes again and then stuffs her underwear with toilet paper, not bothering to put her duty belt back on as she reaches for her radio with one hand, the other shoving first the stall door and then the bathroom door open. She blows past Whitney who is holding out her coffee, already talking into the radio as she climbs shakily into the shop and tosses her belt into the passenger seat.

“Dispatch, show me 10-6 personal. Send an additional unit to Cedars Sinai to recover my duty belt and shop and clock me out. I’ll be out for the rest of the day.”

She drops the radio, barely registering the confirmation that someone is on their way to meet her as she pulls onto the street. 

She has 7 missed calls and 21 text messages when she arrives at the hospital, and she shouldn’t be surprised that Tim is already there, pacing in front of the emergency room doors when she pulls up, but she somehow still is. 

“Stay with the shops, boot! Both of them!” he yells at Officer Janes, and then he’s sliding an arm around Lucy’s waist and guiding her inside, his voice soft in her ear as she tearfully explains to the receptionist what’s happening. 

“I’m-I’m bleeding,” she whispers, wiping tears from her eyes as she grips onto the counter for dear life. “I’m 12 weeks pregnant, and I’m bleeding.”

Tim holds tightly to her hand as they’re immediately shown to a room, their uniforms and Tim’s glare helping move things along much more quickly than they would otherwise. 

“A doctor will be with you within a few minutes,” the nurse promises, and Lucy nods tearfully as Tim helps her sit on the edge of the hospital bed. 

“How many of those missed calls are from you?” she asks, sniffling as she settles in, her fingers shaking as she unlocks her phone and navigates toward the messages and notifications she’s not ready to deal with yet.

They provide a distraction, though, that she and Tim both desperately need. 

“Probably all of them,” he whispers, and Lucy glances up to watch him pace the length of the room. He’s frowning, his brow furrowed, and Lucy wonders if she loses the baby, will she lose him, too? 

Is she, alone, worth fighting for? 

“They are,” she confirms, holding her phone up. 

Every single one of the seven missed calls is from Tim, each one spaced one minute apart. 

“I was terrified,” he whispers, coming to a stop in front of her. “I heard you call that in over the radio and I knew, logically, that you must be okay if you weren’t calling for an RA, but I panicked. I … I lost my head. I thought, if it’s not Lucy, it must be the baby. And…”

And it is. 

Neither one of them finish the thought, though, and Lucy reaches out to hold onto Tim’s hand as she glances at the text messages. 

Three are from Nolan, six from Angela, one from Grey, two from Nyla, and the remaining 9 are from Tim.

Tim’s are the only ones she opens, sighing as she lays her head on his shoulder.

“Can you let everyone else know I’m okay? We’ll… we’ll probably have to tell them, after this. But for now I don’t want them to worry, and I don’t want them… here.”

Tim nods and takes out his own phone, and Lucy bites her lips as she opens the messages from Tim, scanning them as tears slip slowly down her cheeks. 

Each message is a little more worried than the last, and Lucy can feel his panic building as his words grow more and more concerned. 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
Are you okay? 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
Lucy, answer me. 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
Lucy. 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
Please, baby, answer me. 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
Are you hurt? 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
Is it the baby?

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
Please, Luce. Please answer me. 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
Lucy! 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
I’m almost at the hospital. I love you. I love you so much.

“I love you, too,” she whispers, squeezing his hand more tightly as there’s a knock on the door. They both put their phones down, and Lucy bites her lip in anticipation as a young doctor walks into the room. 

“Hello, my name is Dr. Patel. You must be Lucy Chen?”

Lucy nods tearfully. 

“Yes,” she whispers, the hand not clasped in Tim’s falling to her stomach. “I am.”

“And what seems to be the issue today, Ms. Chen?”

Lucy bites her lip and looks up to Tim. 

She can’t say it again. 

“She’s twelve weeks pregnant and bleeding,” he whispers, and Lucy’s heart breaks a little bit more when she hears the emotion in his voice. 

He’s terrified, she knows, but he’s trying not to show it. 

“About how much blood would you say you lost, Lucy?”

Lucy shrugs. 

“I … I don’t know,” she murmurs. “I stopped for coffee and … and my underwear were pretty wet. When I wiped there wasn’t too much, though. It... it had mostly stopped by then.”

“That's good. That's very good. Did you pass any tissue? Blood clots?”

Lucy shakes her head. 

“Alright, I’m going to step out for a moment. I’d like you to undress from the waist down, and I’d like to see the amount of blood on your undergarments, too, if that’s okay.”

Lucy nods, standing to her feet and dropping Tim’s hand as she begins to unbutton her pants. Her fingers slip on the zipper several times before Tim’s hands replace hers, and she nearly sobs in relief as he helps her undress. He can’t hide his reaction when he sees the blood, though, and Lucy is crying again as she climbs back onto the bed and covers her legs with the provided sheet. 

“You can come back in,” Tim calls into the hallway, and in mere moments, Dr. Patel is back. 

“We’re going to do a transvaginal ultrasound,” he says, sanitizing his hands and then reaching for gloves. “To check on the fetus. Most likely, with the minimal amount of bleeding I can see on your clothing, it’s nothing to be concerned about. But we’ll do all of the normal tests to make sure. Did the nurse take your blood yet?”

Lucy shakes her head ‘no’. 

“I’ll have her check your hCG levels, make sure they’re still where we want them, as well as run all of the other standard labs.”

“Okay,” Lucy agrees, and as she positions her feet so that Dr. Patel can begin the ultrasound, she turns to Tim beside her. He’s silent and as still as a statue, his hand holding tightly to hers as he watches the doctor’s every move. 

They’ve only known she's pregnant for a few weeks, but Lucy knows without a shadow of a doubt that losing the baby will break both of their hearts beyond repair.

“This may hurt,” Dr. Patel murmurs, but Lucy doesn’t care. 

“It’s okay,” she whispers, though she can’t help the wince when he inserts the ultrasound wand and begins to move it around, searching for their baby. 

It’s a long, tense few moments before Dr. Patel sags in his seat, smiling as he flicks a switch. 

Suddenly the room is filled with the fast, fluttering thump thump thump of their baby’s heart, and Lucy turns in surprise when Tim makes a deep, guttural noise and begins sobbing openly in the middle of their ER room. His hand is holding so tightly to hers that it almost hurts, but she doesn’t care. 

“Our baby’s okay?” she whispers, disbelieving. 

Dr. Patel nods. 

“Everything seems fine, for the moment. We’ll keep rechecking the baby’s heartbeat in normal intervals, but as of right now it’s a strong 145 beats per minute, which is fantastic. Measurements seem good, and movement is as expected. Nurse Jamie will be back in to take your blood down to the lab and we’ll keep you updated, but settle in. You’re with us for the next several hours at the very least.”

“Thank you,” Lucy whispers, and then she turns her attention to Tim as the doctor removes the ultrasound wand, cleans her up, and then exits the room. 

“Hey,” she whispers, holding tightly to his hand and pulling him closer to her. “It’s okay, Tim. We’re okay. Our baby is okay.”

Tim nods, unable to form words, and then reaches for her, pulling her into his arms and holding on tightly. He buries his head in her neck and she can feel the wetness of his tears on her skin, and she sighs as she wraps her arms around him, holding him tightly as he sobs against her. 

“We’re okay,” she whispers, running her fingers through his hair. “We’re all okay.”

Chapter Text

Tim

Tim knows there are still tears clinging to his cheeks when he finally pulls away from Lucy, but being vulnerable in front of her doesn’t feel as scary as he thought it would.

It never has, not since he told her about Isabel, not when took her to his father’s nursing home, not even when he walked out of his father’s room for the last time and she literally held him together. 

“Hey,” she murmurs, reaching up to wipe away the moisture still clinging to his cheeks. She shifts on the bed and a flash of skin reminds him that she’s naked from the waist down, so he wipes away his tears and smiles softly at her before walking around the bed and grabbing her uniform pants. He stares at them and winces because he knows that they are not even remotely comfortable and she deserves to be comfortable right now. 

“I could go home and get you some clothes,” he murmurs, and while his (currently incorrect) use of the word home fills him with some indescribable hope that one day they will share a home, he’s using the clothing issue as a distraction and he knows that she knows it.

“I’ll be fine, I’ll just have to strip again next time they come to check on us,” she murmurs, though she does reposition on the bed, tucking the sheet more carefully around her body. “Come here, Tim.”

Tim turns away from her discarded clothes and back toward her slowly. He knows his eyes are red rimmed and bloodshot, and despite feeling comfortable enough to be vulnerable in front of her, he still feels something about the way he’d broken down when he heard the baby’s heartbeat. 

Regardless he sits on the bed, turning toward her as she folds her legs under herself and reaches for him again. 

“Are you okay?”

Tim shrugs. 

He doesn’t know. 

He does know that one of the things Dr. Keller has been encouraging him to be is vulnerable, though, so he sucks in a steadying breath and tries. 

The baby is worth it. 

She is worth it. 

“I thought I might lose you,” he whispers, shrugging again and dropping his eyes from hers as he plays nervously with the sheet covering her lap. “When I heard that call…”

Lucy makes a soft noise and takes his hands between her own. His hands are larger and her fingers barely cover his, but her touch is comforting regardless. 

“The baby’s okay, Tim,” she whispers, smiling as she glances at the screen that is still frozen on the image of their child. “They’re fine, and… and Dr. Patel said that a little bleeding is normal, right?”

Tim nods, swallowing around the lump in his throat before continuing, because this isn’t just about the baby. 

“I was scared I’d lose you,” he whispers again, stressing the word and glancing up to meet Lucy’s eyes again as he does. Her breath catches, and he feels his own heart thundering in his chest as he continues, his voice soft in the bustling noise of the hospital. “I heard you call it in and my mind went a million different places. Stuck in a room. Stuck in a barrel. Shot. Car accident. Aggressive suspect. My brain even came up with a million ridiculous ideas, too, like appendicitis and food poisoning. I knew… I knew you were probably fine because you were talking and not calling for an RA, but I couldn’t calm the panic. I … I freaked out, Lucy. I lost focus. I abandoned a call in the middle of responding, and my rookie is still standing outside with our shops unless the responding officer took her back to the station.”

“Oh,” Lucy whispers, and Tim frowns because of all the reactions he was expecting, oh wasn’t one of them. 

“What do you mean by that?” he asks, confused. 

Lucy is the one shrugging now, unsure of herself. She slips her hands off of his and drops them back into her lap. 

Tim reaches for her, though, not letting her retreat the way she wants to. “Dr. Keller told me that… that in order to make this work, us, work, I have to be open, really open with you. The reason I left in the first place is because I didn’t tell you what I was thinking, what I was feeling, and what was happening to me. And… and the breakup wasn’t in any way your fault, but being open is helping, Luce. So… tell me what you’re thinking, please.”

Lucy doesn’t speak for a long moment, but Tim doesn’t push her anymore. 

She’ll talk if she’s ready. 

And if not… 

“I was scared,” she whispers, and Tim is about to open his mouth and tell her of course she was, but before he can, she’s continuing. “I was scared that if I lost the baby, then you wouldn’t want…”

She doesn’t finish her sentence, but she doesn’t have to. 

Then you wouldn’t want me.

Tim feels his heart clench and then slowly shatter, because he caused this. 

It’s his fault she’s doubting herself this way. 

He broke them. 

“Oh, Lucy,” he whispers, and he can hear the tears in his voice but he doesn’t care what kind of spectacle he’s making. “Oh, sweetheart. I … I obviously would have been shattered if we lost the baby, but nothing could make me not want you. Nothing. I love you, okay? I love the baby, too, so much. But I loved you first and I’ll love you forever, no matter what.”

Lucy sniffles but doesn’t respond. 

“And I’m sorry that I’ve given you cause to doubt my dedication,” he continues, his stomach sour with the thought. “But I will show you, again and again, that I mean it. Small doses, right?”

Lucy finally looks up and offers him a small smile, and Tim wants to blurt out everything he’s planning, everything that he’s been working on setting into motion, but he doesn’t.

Not yet. 

Not until he’s sure. 

It’s kind of a big “small dose” but he thinks she’ll appreciate it regardless. 

“Okay,” Lucy whispers, and Tim takes the offering for what it is. 

She’s acknowledging his words but not ready to believe them yet, and that’s okay. 

One step at a time. 

______________________

Doctors and nurses come in and out of the room what feels like a hundred times over the next few hours while Lucy and Tim try to put out fires. 

Tim is in charge of handling Angela, Grey, and his rookie, while Lucy is messaging Nolan and Nyla, trying to convince them that they’re okay. Nolan is easy to convince because he’s basically a golden retriever, and long after Lucy has put her phone down and curled up in just her white t-shirt and a pair of hospital scrub pants to rest, Tim is still working on Angela. 

Grey had been easy —

To: Sergeant Grey
From: Tim Bradford
I’ll fill you in tomorrow, sir, but for now everyone is fine. 

— and he’d responded within a minute saying okay and not much else. 

Angela however…

To: Angela Lopez-Evers
From: Tim Bradford
Lucy is fine, we’ll talk to you tomorrow. 

To: Tim Bradford
From: Angela Lopez-Evers
Bullshit, I heard her over the radio and I know
fear, okay? I’m coming to the hospital. 

To: Angela Lopez-Evers
From: Tim Bradford
You absolutely are not doing that. 

To: Tim Bradford
From: Angela Lopez-Evers
Then you’d better give me a damn good
reason not to.

To: Angela Lopez-Evers
From: Tim Bradford
Lucy had a little scare and they’re
monitoring her, but she’s fine. 

To: Tim Bradford
From: Angela Lopez-Evers
If she’s fine, she wouldn’t be in the fucking hospital,
now would she?  What does she want for dinner?
Does she need clothes? I’ll bring her some clothes.
She was in uniform when she called in. See you soon.

Tim glares down at his phone, his brow furrowed. 

“Angela might show up here,” he says, and the noise Lucy makes is distraught. 

“I’m not ready to tell her. To tell anyone,” she whispers, and Tim wishes he could shield her from this but he doesn’t think they have a choice. 

“I know,” he whispers. “Me, either. But… we have to tell people something. They’re all worried, and they care about you.”

Lucy sighs and sits up slowly, brushing a hand over her face. 

“I feel sick,” she murmurs. 

Tim is moving before she’s even finished speaking, reaching for one of the puke buckets on the wall with the array of medical equipment he can’t name. He holds it under her chin and brushes her hair out of her face as she gags into the bowl, nothing but bile coming up. 

“Still having morning sickness?”

Lucy nods, miserable, but accepts the cup of water Tim offers her. She uses it to rinse her mouth out and then spits into the bucket, and then he’s taking everything away and tossing it, her own personal knight in standard issue police uniform. 

“Yeah. Dr. Kovac said it should be ending soon since I’m in my second trimester, but… Ugh.”

Tim sits on the bed next to her and takes her hand. 

“If Angela does show up…” he trails off, but they both know it’s more of a when and not an if. 

“We can tell her,” Lucy murmurs, sighing as she lays her head on Tim’s shoulder. She repositions, the scrub pants swishing and scratching noisily as she curls into a ball at Tim’s side. “About the baby. About the scare. I knew we’d have to eventually, but…”

Tim nods, simply holding tighter to Lucy’s hand. 

He can’t take this away, but he can support her. 

________________________

Angela shows up while Lucy’s legs are spread in the stirrups that all women have collectively and passionately hated since their first pap smear, transvaginal ultrasound in uncomfortable places and her baby’s heartbeat filling the room. 

She stands there, mouth open and arms full of clothes and dinner, her eyes wider than Tim thinks he’s ever seen them. 

“Oh. My. God.”

Tim winces, drops Lucy’s hand, and quickly rounds the bed, pushing Angela out of the room as Lucy winces and rearranges the sheet over her legs, her face flushed and her eyes turning toward the ceiling, not meeting the detective’s gaze. 

“Oh my god, Tim! Oh my fucking god!” Angela hisses. 

Tim nods, pulling the door closed behind them as he watches his best friend vibrate in the middle of the ER hallway. 

“Lucy’s pregnant,” he says unnecessarily, and the noise Angela makes reaches a decibel that only dogs should be able to hear as she drops dinner and clothes and pulls Tim into a bone-crushing hug. 

It only takes a few moments for the reality that Lucy and Tim are in the hospital to set in, though, and then she’s pulling back, her face falling. 

“Oh, fuck. Oh, god. Is the baby okay? Is she okay?”

Tim nods, running a hand through his hair as he glances back toward the room. 

“Yeah, they’re fine. Dr. Patel wants to do one more check in about two hours, but he said that if everything is looking okay then he’s going to send us home after that. Baby’s heartbeat is strong and … and Lucy’s labs are all pristine. Everything seems fine.”

Angela nods, bends down to gather everything back into her arms, and then turns back to Tim, her eyes sparkling with happiness. 

“I know things are messy right now,” she murmurs, and Tim nods because she doesn’t even know the half of it. “But I’m so happy for you, Tim. A baby! I know I was a little hesitant with both Jack and Emmy, but they’re the best things that have ever happened to me. You’re going to love being a daddy, Tim. Oh, I’m so happy for you and Lucy!”

Tim smiles despite the fact that this is not how he wanted to tell his best friend. 

(To be fair, none of this is happening quite how he wanted it to, but he’s learning to roll with the punches.)

Her happiness is contagious, and he’s so excited about being a father. 

“Tim?”

Tim turns toward the sliding door, pushing it open as he nods his head, inviting Angela inside.

“Wanna hear my baby’s heartbeat?” he asks, and she nods vigorously as Tim slips back inside, immediately taking his place at Lucy’s side again while Angela drops her handful of clothes and dinner into one of the empty chairs. Dr. Patel is still sitting on a stool between Lucy’s legs, ultrasound in hand. He’s smiling, though, so Tim knows that everything must still be okay. 

“You never forget this sound,” Angela murmurs, taking the hand Tim isn’t holding as they all watch the screen. Lucy squeezes Tim’s hand tightly and he smiles down at her, nodding. “I’m so happy for you guys. This is … this is amazing.”

Lucy cracks a smile for the first time since Tim told her Angela may be showing up, and he feels lighter than he has since he first heard her voice over the radio. 

They’ve told one friend, and the world hadn’t ended. 

Now they just have to tell everyone else. 

Chapter Text

Lucy

After Dr. Patel leaves with the promise to check back in soon, Lucy turns to Angela, her cheeks red and her gaze bashful as she eyes the bags the other woman had brought with her.

“Um. You said you’d bring clothes?”

Angela nods, offering Lucy a small, soft smile as she starts rifling through the bags. 

“This one is Tim’s, and —”

“Oooh, gimmie,” Lucy says, reaching out as Angela pulls out a pair of sweatpants and a soft, worn t-shirt. 

Tim makes an indignant noise.

“What am I going to wear? Your little leggings won’t fit me, Luce.”

Lucy shrugs, uncaring as she begins to wiggle around under the sheet, pulling his sweatpants on over her bare ass before tossing the sheet to the side. She tugs off her white uniform top, smirking at the choked noise Tim makes when she’s mostly naked, and then tugs his t-shirt on over her head, sighing happily when she’s finally comfortable.

“When you carry the baby, you get the sweatpants,” she says, and Angela laughs as she shrugs. 

“Don’t argue with mama,” she advises, and Lucy grins cheekily up at Tim once she’s engulfed by his clothing. It smells like him, like his spicy cologne and his laundry detergent. 

It smells like home and safe, and she sighs as she leans back in the uncomfortable Emergency Room bed, cocooned by Tim’s scent. 

“Okay,” Tim says simply, and Lucy turns to stare at him with soft eyes, knowing that he’d never actually been upset in the first place. 

He’d give her the shirt off of his back if she asked, she knows. 

Especially now. 

She reaches for his hand and holds it tightly as he sits in the too-small, uncomfortable chair he’s taken up residence in over the past six hours. He winces and shifts around to get comfortable, and Lucy squeezes his hand as she turns back to Angela. 

“I believe there was talk of food...?”

Angela chuckles and reaches for the third bag she’d brought alongside both of their go bags from their lockers. She opens it and Lucy nearly moans at the scents wafting toward her as Angela begins to hand out smaller bags from one of Lucy’s favorite diners. 

“A veggie burger and fries, extra pickles for mama,” she murmurs, handing Lucy’s hers, which she eagerly accepts. “And a double cheeseburger with onion rings for dad.”

Lucy watches a smile stretch Tim’s lips as Angela refers to him as dad, and she can’t help her own answering smile. 

“Thanks for coming,” she whispers, because while she’d been hesitant and nervous before, now she’s just glad that their friend is here, supportive, smiling, and with delicious dinner offerings.

“That’s what friends are for, babe,” Angela murmurs, and then she’s pulling out a salad for herself and settling in, clearly here for the long haul. 

No one speaks for a few moments while they eat, and Lucy is thankful for the quiet and calm. Today has been a lot, and it’s nice to eat in silence with the people she loves most by her side, her baby tucked safe and warm inside her body. 

Once the food is eaten, though, Angela begins to twitch in anticipation, and while Lucy knows she’s about to be peppered with a thousand questions, she’s full and comfortable, warm and content in the knowledge that the bleeding she’d had today wasn’t anything serious. 

She’s happy, and so she invites the inevitable flood of questions with a smile.

“Go ahead. Ask whatever it is you’re dying to ask,” she tells Angela, and both she and Tim chuckle as a rush of words questions from her lips in rapid succession.

“When did you find out? How far along are you? Are you guys back together? Am I the godmother?!”

Lucy balls up her trash and tosses it in the direction of the trash can, doing a happy little wiggle when it goes in. She takes a long sip from the iced tea Angela had brought her while she processes all of her questions, and then turns toward her friend, tackling the easy ones first.

“I found out about three weeks ago and told Tim right away. I’m about twelve weeks along, and yes, you’re godmother and Wes is godfather.”

She and Tim haven’t talked about it since she’d found out about the baby, but they had talked before. 

(Before Ray, before Tim walked away in the parking lot, before). 

They agreed without hesitation that they wanted Angela and Wes to be their children’s godparents. They’d decided that, should anything happen to them, they wanted their babies to grow up surrounded by family and love, and while they know Angela doesn’t want to physically have any more of her own children, they also know she’d welcome theirs without a second thought. 

“Thank you,” Angela whispers, tears in her eyes as she reaches out to clasp Lucy’s hand in hers. 

She’s so overcome with emotion that it takes her a moment to realize that Lucy hadn’t answered one of her questions, and Lucy winces when she sees realization dawn in her eyes. 

“Wait,” she says, holding up a hand. 

Tim chuckles quietly and Lucy sighs, resigning herself to answering Angela’s final question the best way she knows how.

“We’re not… not together?” she says, though it sounds more like a question than a statement. “We’re… working on it.”

“Baby steps,” Tim adds, and Lucy nods as he squeezes her hand. “We never stopped loving each other. I just… I got in my head about everything that happened with Ray, and I made a stupid, rash decision that I’ve regretted every day since. Lucy is giving me a second chance, though, and I will not fuck it up. I’m in this, one thousand percent, for her and the baby.”

Angela nods, one corner of her lips lifted in an amused smile. “Good. So, I don’t have to give you the shovel talk, then.”

Tim scoffs, eyes wide as he leans back, his free hand resting on his belly. 

“You’re my best friend!” he says, his voice high and disbelieving. “You’re supposed to be on my side!”

“I thought adult men didn’t have best friends,” Angela shoots back, and Lucy sighs happily, relaxing into the mattress as they lob insults at each other from opposite sides of the bed. 

“That’s not the point, Lopez.”

“I’ll always be your friend, Tim, but I will 100% take Lucy’s side in the divorce if you pull that shit again.”

Tim’s hand tightens around hers, and Lucy lazily rolls her head to the side to see him staring at Angela, lips pressed into a thin line and all traces of amusement gone. 

“I will never hurt her like that again,” he vows, and Lucy feels her stomach swoop at the intensity in his words. 

“Good,” Angela murmurs, leaning back in her own chair and lifting her feet to rest on the edge of Lucy’s bed. “Because I know how to hide a body, Bradford. Do not test me.”

Tim scoffs and rolls his eyes, and Lucy smiles as she lets her own flutter closed, relaxed enough to begin drifting away as Tim and Angela’s voices fade to echoes in the background. 

_________________________

“Tim. Quit fussing,” Lucy snaps, and Tim stops mid-step, his bottom lip sticking out as he slumps in the middle of her bathroom, suddenly looking more like a kicked puppy than any grown man has the right to. 

“I just want to help,” he murmurs, and Lucy sighs as she kicks her discarded sweatpants into the corner. She walks over and wraps her arms around him, feeling the tension leach from his body as he sags into her, dropping his head to her shoulder. 

“I know,” she whispers, sighing as he holds her tightly against him. “I know you do, Tim. But I’m fine, I promise. I’m not an invalid. I can get undressed all by myself like a big girl.”

Tim grumbles something unintelligible into her shoulder, but Lucy doesn’t pry.

“I love that you want to be here, to help,” she says, and Tim sighs as he turns to press his nose into her neck. “But I promise I can get into the bath by myself.”

“I just want to help,” he repeats, sighing as she runs her fingers through his hair, her nails scraping along his scalp gently. “I thought… I thought I might lose you and the baby today, and…”

Lucy sighs and closes her eyes. 

She knows he won’t be able to relax for a while, and doing things, even if those things are driving her nuts, is his way of coping. 

“How about you make us something light to eat,” she murmurs. She’s not particularly hungry, but the veggie burger Angela had brought her almost four hours ago before she'd been discharged is the only real food she’s eaten today. “Soup, maybe. Or a salad. And … and can you make me some tea?”

Tim pulls back, already nodding, his gaze determined. 

“What kind of soup?”

Lucy smiles and reaches for the hem of the t-shirt she’d stolen from him. 

“Chicken noodle? Please?”

Tim nods and slides his hand down to her hip, reluctant to let go. 

“Okay,” he says, and Lucy whispers her thanks as she turns toward the bath full of steaming, lavender scented water that Tim had run for her as soon as they’d gotten home. She waits until Tim has left the bathroom, closing the door softly behind himself, before stripping off the t-shirt and her bra, her panties long ago thrown in the trash. She steps into the water and moans, the heat immediately doing wonders to relax her tense muscles. 

She can hear Tim moving around in the kitchen and she sighs, sinking further into the warmth of the bath as she closes her eyes as she listens to the sounds of him moving around in her space so naturally. 

It’s been five weeks since he was last here, but it seems like just yesterday. 

She wants him back. 

She wants to wake up with him and argue with him and listen to him in the kitchen as she gets ready. She wants him in her space all of the time, and it’s getting harder and harder to remind herself why she shouldn’t just give in and invite him back into every faucet of her life. 

Baby steps, she reminds herself, sucking in a breath before submerging her head underwater. She lets the water flow over her skin and soak her hair and then lingers there, wondering if this is how her baby feels before she slides back to the surface, sucking in a breath as water trickles down her face. 

There’s a knock on the door just as her fingers are beginning to prune, and Lucy turns her head lazily to see Tim standing in the doorway, his eyes on the wall opposite her. 

She can tell it’s taking every ounce of self control he has not to look at her, and it’s weirdly sweet that he’s keeping his eyes to himself because he’s seen her naked a thousand times and she wouldn’t even particularly mind if he looked now. 

“Soup’s ready,” he murmurs. 

“Thanks,” she whispers, and he nods before turning and closing the bathroom door behind himself as she stands to exit the tub. She pulls the plug and wraps a towel around herself, eyeing the sweats in the corner and biting her lip in consideration. 

She wants to wear Tim’s clothes again, but they smell like hospital. 

In the end she leaves them in the corner to be washed and returned (or not returned) later and pulls on a pair of sleep shorts and one of her old academy t-shirts. She runs a brush through her hair and then walks into the kitchen, something warm and heavy settling in her stomach as she watches Tim move around her kitchen like he’s been doing it for years. 

He smiles when he sees her, holding up the bag of tea he’s just pulled from the cupboard. 

“Chamomile?” 

Lucy nods. 

“Sounds good.”

Tim grins and pushes a bowl of soup toward her, and she thanks him softly as she climbs onto one of the bar stools, reaching for the spoon and taking a bite of the warm, savory liquid. 

She moans as the flavors burst across her tongue, and Tim smirks as he seeps her tea. 

“Good?”

“Mmm hmmm,” she replies, and he chuckles quietly as she pulls the bowl closer, dipping the spoon in and chasing a noodle across the bowl. She’s just about caught it when Tim’s phone lights up with a text where it’s sitting on the counter beside her, and she’s opening her mouth to let him know he has a message when her eyes flicker across the words. 

To: Tim Bradford
From: Hollie Benton
I’m free tomorrow at 2. I can’t wait to see you! 

She frowns, the noodle dropping off of her spoon as she quickly reads the words for a second time. 

“Tea?”

Lucy looks up, startled, Tim’s screen going black as he holds out a mug toward her. 

“Uh… yeah,” she whispers, the words echoing in her head as she takes it from him. “Thanks.”

He smiles, light and carefree, and Lucy tries to smile back but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. 

Who is Hollie?

Chapter Text

Tim

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
I caught Grey and told him we need to talk
after roll call. Is that still okay? Do you want
to wait for another day?

Tim stares at his phone, nervous as the three dots that indicate Lucy is typing appear and then disappear again several times. He knows Lucy is still hesitant to tell Grey about the pregnancy, but they’d decided last night after dinner that he needed to know just in case something happened again. 

The three dots appear again just as Tim leans down to pull on his uniform boots, and he glances at the screen as he laces them up. 

To: Tim Bradford
From: Lucy Chen
Today’s fine. 

Tim frowns as he reads her response. 

She’s been a little… off, since the hospital. 

He knows that what had happened scared her and then he’d annoyed the hell out of her by hovering all night, but the short text responses he’s been getting from her since leaving her apartment make him uneasy. 

He tries to think of what else could be bothering her as he ties his other shoe, but his concerns about Lucy take a backseat to his own worries as he slides into roll call, meeting Grey’s eyes as he takes his seat. 

The older man raises an eyebrow at Tim as Lucy enters the room, tucking hair into her bun as she sits down, travel coffee mug in hand and uniform top still partially unbuttoned. 

“Running late, Officer Chen?”

Lucy grimaces as she finishes buttoning her black uniform top over her white t-shirt. 

“Sorry, sir. It won’t happen again.”

Grey tries to look stern, but Tim knows the older man has a rather large soft spot for Lucy and that there’s no way she’s in any actual trouble. 

“See that it doesn’t, Officer,” he warns, though Tim sees when his lips twitch into a small smile as he shuffles his papers and begins roll call. “All right, we have a busy day today. We have four open cases from the night shift, which honestly isn’t that bad considering they haven’t done much lately other than sit on their own damn thumbs. So, here we go. Sergeant Bradford, since you’re taking a half day, you and your rookie are on canvassing duty for Detectives Lopez and Harper this morning,” he begins, and Tim nods and tries to ignore the confused look Lucy throws in his direction as Grey mentions his half day. 

He doesn’t want to give away his plans, to spoil things before he has a chance to surprise Lucy. 

He’s meeting Hollie at two this afternoon, and he’s hopeful that today’s the day. 

Lucy stares at him a few seconds longer before turning around as Grey continues.

“Officers Nolan and Juarez, you get to talk to the bank managers at Bank of America Financial Center. They swear they had a break in last night but can’t find anything missing, so have fun with that. Chen and Thorsen, you’ll ride together today and follow up on a domestic call that came in last night. The wife declined to press charges, but it was noted in the file that she seemed hesitant because the husband was there. Visit her today and do a wellness check.”

Lucy nods and Tim swallows around the sudden lump in his throat. 

God, he hates domestics. 

He hates when Lucy has to deal with them, too. 

“And, finally, Wrigley and Smitty, you have a very important mission today.”

Smitty sits up a little straighter, and Tim smirks as he turns to look at the man. Grey stares at him, too, his lips pressed into a thin line as he tries to hide his amusement. 

“Our coffee shipment didn’t arrive on time, and as of twenty minutes ago, we’re out. You two are to take the department credit card to Sams Club and stock us up. And this time, do not get decaf. If you do, you’re on cavity searches for a week.”

“Sir, yes, sir!” Smitty says, grinning as he salutes their boss. “I won’t let you down!”

Grey stares at him for a second longer, and Tim thinks that anyone with even average intelligence would be terrified by that look, but Smitty just grins more brightly. 

“All right,” Grey says, nodding as he walks down the aisle to hand out the case files. “Be safe out there today. Keep your eyes peeled and be on alert. The heat makes people do crazy things.”

Tim stands when everyone else does, his eyes trailing toward where his rookie is waiting for his orders. 

He almost rolls his eyes when he sees her staring at him, waiting. 

Three weeks in, and she still doesn’t know what he expects of her each morning after roll call unless he explicitly tells her. 

“Go set up the shop, boot! Don’t just stand there,” he snaps, and he nearly chuckles as she jumps in surprise before scurrying out the door. 

“Think she’s going to make it?” Grey asks as he walks toward where Lucy and Tim are lingering. 

Tim shrugs. “I don’t know, sir. She has good instincts but she needs to study and she doesn’t take initiative. We’ll know by plain clothes day, if not before.”

“Well,” Grey says, smiling as he comes to a stop in front of them, his hands resting on his duty belt. “I’d hate to be the rookie that had to follow in Officer Chen’s footsteps. That’s a hard act to follow.”

Lucy smiles, ducking her head in pleased embarrassment as she gathers her things and stands. 

“No one can live up to me,” she says cheekily, and Tim finds himself smiling when she smiles. 

(It’s a little concerning how quickly his own happiness has become tied to hers, but one problem at a time.)

“You wanted to speak to me?” Grey asks, and Tim nods as he moves closer to Lucy.

“Yes, sir. Can we talk in your office?”

Grey nods and then turns to lead them into the glass-walled room, closing the door gently behind them. He leans against his desk, crosses his arms over his chest, and eyes them warily.

“Before you speak,” he begins, holding up a hand as Lucy’s lips part. “Is this conversation going to end with me transferring one of you to West Hollywood?”

Tim grimaces. 

“I don’t think so, sir,” he says cautiously. “But… there’s a chance.”

He and Lucy have already talked about the possibilities, and if anyone has to move, it’s going to be him. He already has a solid reputation and she’s pregnant, and he doesn’t want her to have to start from the bottom again when she’ll be out for maternity leave before she knows it. Plus, Grey had been just about to tap her for TO. 

They hope, of course, that they can both stay at Mid-Wilshire, but he is in her chain of command again and he knows it could cause issues. 

Grey sighs.

“All right. Lay it on me.”

Tim is opening his mouth to perhaps gently lead Grey to the news that one of his superior officers had knocked up a subordinate, but Lucy beats him to it. 

“I’m pregnant,” she blurts, and then she winces as her words echo loudly in the room. 

Whatever Grey had been expecting, Tim knows, it wasn’t this. 

He stares at them, shocked and processing, and Tim grimaces as he fills the silence with nervous chatter. 

“You told me to figure it out, sir, and we are. I’m in therapy — with  someone who’s not crooked this time — and we’re trying again. Slowly, this time. But… yes, the baby was a surprise, and we know it could cause issues, but —”

Grey holds up a hand and Tim closes his mouth so quickly his teeth clack together noisily. 

“Well, first off… congratulations.”

Lucy smiles shyly as she glances at Tim, whispering a quiet thank you. 

“We had a scare yesterday,” Tim murmurs, an uneasy feeling filling him as he remembers the panic that had overtaken him when he’d heard Lucy’s voice over the radio. “And we wanted you to be aware in case anything else happened. Also, you know, for… for maternity leave and everything else.”

Lucy nods, biting her lip as she nervously rubs her hands together. 

“Right. And… I know you had talked to me about possibly testing to become a TO next month, and I wanted to make sure this wouldn’t affect things. I’ve thought about it a lot, and if I test and take on Officer Herndon when I finish shadowing Ti— I mean, Sergeant Bradford, then Nolan would be finished training Celina when I go on maternity leave and he could seamlessly transition in and take over while I’m gone. I’d be back right in time for their graduation and I’d be able to take on a new rookie right afterward.”

Grey raises an eyebrow as Lucy trails off. 

“Thought about it a lot, have you?”

Lucy chuckles, nodding. 

“I want to do it,” she says shyly, smiling. “I want to become a TO. But, obviously, the baby is more important, so if I need to wait until the next test is given, then I can do that, too.”

Grey regards them for a long moment. 

Both Lucy and Tim are tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

“We’ll take it one day at a time,” he finally says, smiling at them both. “This does complicate things, Officer Chen, but if your dates line up, then… then that plan could work. We’ll have to wait and see how things go, of course, because pregnancy can be unpredictable.”

“And… and neither of us needs to transfer?” Lucy asks nervously. 

Grey shakes his head. 

“At this point, no. You are both professionals and I haven’t seen anything to indicate that you can’t handle working patrol at the same time. And while Tim is technically your superior and a Sergeant, he’s currently serving as a TO. If all goes according to plan, you will be a TO next month, too,” he says nodding at Lucy as he speaks. “Which means that the chain of command issue wouldn’t be an issue anymore. So, one day at a time. We’ll re-evaluate if we need to, but for now… congratulations, you two. I mean it. Dominique was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I wish you both all of the happiness in the world.”

“Thank you, sir,” Tim murmurs, finally allowing himself a relieved smile as Grey steps toward them. He holds out a hand and Tim shakes it, and then laughs when the older man hauls Lucy into a hug. She squeaks and then hugs him back, and Tim watches them with fond eyes as Grey pulls back and whispers something into Lucy's ear. She nods and winks at him, and Grey brushes his hand down her shoulder as he steps back. 

“All right, you two. You’d better get to it. Officer Janes is eager to get back out there after her day on desk duty. Remember to thank Officer Lopez for bringing her and your shop back to the station yesterday, Bradford," he says, and Tim promises he will before he opens the door for Lucy and then walks out after her. 

“Well, that went better than expected,” he says, and Lucy hums as she falls into step next to him on the way to the garage. 

“Surprisingly well, actually,” she agrees, her voice soft. 

“What did he say to you?” Tim inquires, and he watches from the corner of his eye as Lucy’s lips twitch into a smile. 

“Something along the lines of let me know if I ever need to have him do Saturday night cavity searches.”

Tim groans playfully and rolls his eyes. 

“Good to know whose side everyone is on in the divorce,” he says, though he doesn’t blame them. 

He’d be on Lucy’s side, too. 

Lucy bumps her hip into his and Tim grins down at her, the worry and unease from this morning evaporating at her good mood. 

“Be careful out there today,” he whispers, and Lucy nods, smiling up at him as she pauses by the garage door. Tim knows that both of their shops are ready, Aaron and Officer Janes waiting for them on the other side of the door. 

“You, too,” she says, and she’s reaching out to put her hand on his arm when his phone dings with an incoming message. 

“Sorry,” he murmurs, reaching for his phone and fighting a smile when he sees Hollie’s message pop up. 

To: Tim Bradford
From: Hollie Benton
I have a full afternoon planned for us, Tim!
Be ready to go at 2, I think I may have found
exactly what you’re looking for!

“Who’s that?” Lucy asks curiously, craning her neck to see his phone as he locks it and slides it into his pocket. 

“No one,” he says, shaking his head. 

He can’t wait to surprise her. 

Lucy gives him a funny look though, and then blows out a frustrated breath. 

“Fine, then. Don’t tell me. See you later,” she snaps, and Tim watches, confused, as she pushes open the door to the garage and walks through, not even sparing him a backwards glance. 

What the hell just happened?

Chapter Text

Lucy

Tim is hiding something. 

She’s sure of it. 

“But, like, what would he hide?” Aaron asks, and Lucy sighs as she shrugs in frustration while driving slowly through mid-day traffic. 

“I don’t know, Aaron, which is why I’m ranting to you. But he’s getting text messages from some woman named Hollie and grinning at his phone, and I want to believe he’s not stupid enough to cheat on me, but with his recent track record, who knows anymore?”

Aaron scoffs and shakes his head vigorously. “Hell no. That man knows what he has — he’s not cheating on you. Even when he broke up with you it wasn’t because there was another woman. He’s completely gone on you, Lucy, of that you can be sure.”

Lucy tries to hide the little smile that Aaron’s words bring to her lips because she’s mad, dammit. 

“But he is hiding something, Aaron,” she murmurs, the little smile he’d managed to get out of her fading as she remembers the way he’d hid his phone and said nothing. “I have never heard him mention a Hollie before. Not his therapist, not our therapist, not his sister, nothing.”

She tries not to think about how she’d never heard him mention Ray before, either. 

“I just… I don’t know,” she whispers, sighing in defeat. “And we have our first couples therapy session tonight and I don’t want to go in there guns blazing, but I’m mad, okay? Because he walked out on me and ghosted me over a phone call and now he’s getting text messages from an unknown person and not telling me who it is.”

“That’s…  yeah, that's a little shitty,” Aaron agrees, but then he’s turning toward her with a solemn look on his face. “But, Lucy, I don’t think he’s doing it on purpose. I think he just doesn’t realize how it might look, you know? Because he loves you and I know he doesn’t want to hurt you. He’s probably just… not thinking. Because he’s a man.”

“And men suck,” Lucy grumbles. 

Aaron chuckles. 

“We do, and I apologize on behalf of the less-evolved sex.”

Lucy cracks a smile again, considering his words for a long moment. 

“So, you think I should just talk to him?”

Aaron nods without hesitation. 

“Yes. Just ask him point blank, and maybe remind him about what happened before and how not knowing who he’s texting is making you jealous.”

“I’m not jealous,” Lucy snaps, and Aaron holds up his hands in surrender. 

“Fine. Anxious. He’s making you anxious.”

Lucy bites her lip. 

She is anxious. 

Every time he gets a phone call or text message, she’s immediately on edge, her sympathetic nervous system wreaking havoc on her body. When his phone rings like it had that night, she immediately has sweaty palms, her heart races, and she feels like she might throw up.

She’s been working on it in therapy, on deep breathing exercises when her body reacts that way and on coming up with positive affirmations to remind herself that Tim loves her and won’t leave her again, but it takes time and she’s not there yet. 

“Yeah,” she whispers, slumping in her seat as she brings the shop to a slow stop at a red light. “Yeah, I get anxious whenever he gets a call or a text or has to leave suddenly.”

“Right,” Aaron says, nodding now. “And you need to tell him that, because Tim may be a clueless man sometimes, but he’s not vindictive. If you tell him, he’ll make sure to be more aware of what he’s doing. I mean, at least I would, if I were in his place.”

“Yeah,” Lucy agrees, nodding as the light turns green. “You’re right.”

Aaron smiles, content in a job well done, and then switches the topic to a TV show he’d watched the night before. Lucy listens only attentively enough to respond with the occasional nod or hmm or yeah?

Most of her mind is otherwise occupied, though, distracted with thoughts of couples therapy. 

Tonight. 

Tonight. 

She’s not sure she’s ready. 

She has a lot of feelings inside of her, pushed down and ignored, and she’s terrified that they’re all going to explode out of her like a volcano of anger and frustration and insecurity. 

Ready or not, though…

_________________________

“Ready?”

Lucy nods even though she doesn’t think she is. 

Tim offers her a small smile and then his hand, and even though she’s still annoyed at him for walking away from her this morning after answering another message from Hollie, she takes it. 

She needs the support, desperately.

“Ready or not,” she whispers, and Tim chuckles as he opens the door to the office of Dr. Yarrow, their couples therapist. The inside is nice, the walls painted an eggshell color and the furniture all matching dark wood. The lighting is low, no overly bright LED lights blinding her, and she breathes a sigh of relief as she shuffles across the carpet. 

There’s no receptionist, just a sign indicating that they should make themselves comfortable and that Dr. Yarrow will be with them soon. 

“So we just… wait?” Tim asks, raising an eyebrow. 

Lucy nods. 

Her personal therapist has an office much like this. 

“Yes. She likely has a separate exit from this entrance so that patients don’t cross paths with each other. It’s a confidentiality thing, and it gives her patients more privacy. I… I like when they do it this way. My therapist does it this way."

Tim hums as he takes a seat in one of the large, plush chairs. Lucy sits beside him and drops her hands into her lap, her teeth digging into her bottom lip as her leg bounces in anxiety. 

Tim reaches out after a few moments and places his large, warm palm on her knee. 

“Hey,” he says, his thumb brushing the outside of her knee as he turns to meet her eyes. “It’s going to be okay. You told me when we first scheduled this that it’s like… it’s like we’re just talking to each other, but with someone to help guide us.”

Lucy nods, finally offering him a small smile as her leg bouncing slows and then stops. 

“You remembered,” she whispers, and he nods. 

“I was nervous, and you made me feel better about it. Now you’re nervous, so it’s my turn.”

Lucy drops her hand over his as she smiles, her frustration taking a backseat to the overwhelming love and adoration she has for him. 

She knows he’s terrified to do this, but when he saw that she was nervous, he put that aside to help her feel better. 

He’s not cheating, she muses. 

She knows that for sure. 

She just doesn’t know what he is doing. 

“Lucy Chen and Timothy Bradford?”

They both glance up, startled, to see that the solid oak door has opened and that there’s an older woman watching them with a small smile. She looks friendly, a little bit like a TV grandma, and Lucy feels immediately more comfortable. 

“That’s us,” she says. 

She stands, still holding tightly to Tim’s hand as they walk through the door into an open, comfortable room. There are floor to ceiling windows on the far wall, gauzy curtains allowing in a large amount of natural light, and a long couch across from the chair she knows Dr. Yarrow will sit in. 

“Make yourselves comfortable,” she says, motioning toward the couch. “Can I offer you water? Tea?”

Lucy wants tea, but she shakes her head ‘no’. 

“I’m okay,” Tim says, clearing his throat as he sits down next to Lucy, only a few inches of space between them. 

Dr. Yarrow notices their closeness and smiles. 

“So, tell me about yourselves,” she opens, and Tim sighs as he rubs his palms up and down his jeans. 

Lucy speaks first. 

“We’re both cops,” she begins, and she can’t help but smile as she thinks about her and Tim’s story. “Tim was my training officer during my first year, and during that time I wormed my way under his skin. He was a little rough around the edges when I met him.”

Tim clears his throat, nodding as he takes over. 

“I had just… my wife, at the time, had… she was a cop, too,” he begins, and Lucy is so fucking proud of him for opening up that she almost forgets to be mad at him. “She was an undercover cop and she got hooked on drugs and left me in the middle of the night. I searched for her for over a year, and on Lucy’s second day, I found her. Lucy saw me at my literal worst, and… and for some reason, she still thinks I’m worth loving.”

“You are,” Lucy says, closing the final two inch gap between them to press her shoulder against his.

“I don’t feel like it sometimes,” Tim whispers. “And… and, uh, that’s what caused all of this, Dr. Yarrow. It’s why we’re here, kind of.”

Dr. Yarrow leans back in her chair, her legs crossed and her hands palm up in her lap. 

“Tell me more about that. What do you mean that’s why you’re here?”

Lucy glances at Tim. 

She doesn’t want to tell his story, not unless he wants her to. 

He nods at her, though, and she takes over for him until he can find his voice again.

“Tim has been through a lot, and he’s already seeing another therapist for those issues. I know our shared sessions aren’t going to focus on that trauma because he’s already seeing Dr. Keller for that, but it does play into what happened that led us here.”

“Go ahead and tell me about it,” Dr. Yarrow invites them. “If I understand where you’re both coming from, I can help you better.”

“There’s a lot,” Tim says, shrugging. “From childhood abuse to my time in the military, and it all contributes to me feeling unworthy. But the specific situation that caused this started about twelve years ago. I won’t go into all of the details, but my actions led to several of my men getting killed. They died because of me. And I never dealt with it. I shoved it down, ignored it, tried to pretend that it never happened. Except about five weeks ago, my past came back to haunt me. Literally. I got a call in the middle of date night, and…”

Lucy takes over here, and as she speaks she feels some of her earlier frustration building back up. 

“He got a call and then he left. He said he’d call me when he could, but he didn’t. For 36 hours.”

“I couldn’t—” Tim begins, but Lucy shakes her head, cutting him off. 

“No, Tim, you could have called. You had nothing but time. Anything, even a text letting me know you were alive, would have been better than what you did.”

Tim hangs his head, and Lucy feels anger and frustration churning in her stomach. 

She hates that she feels like she’s hurting him by stating the truth. 

“You could have called, but you didn’t. Instead you showed up thirty-six hours later and pretended everything was fine.”

Tim doesn’t speak, and Lucy sighs as she scoots away again. 

“And then after that, he broke up with me.”

“To protect you!” he snaps, and Lucy rolls her eyes as she turns her body so that she can meet his eyes. 

“I made my choice, Tim, when I walked into Angela’s house and told you that I was on your side. I knew what could happen if the truth came out, and I decided to stick by you anyway. And then you made a choice for me when you walked away, and I might be a little bit more angry about that then I had realized.”

She trails off and sucks in a breath through her nose, trying to calm her heart. 

Dr. Yarrow doesn’t speak for a long moment, and when she does, it’s only one word. 

“Tim?” 

Tim shrugs, still staring at his feet as he responds.

“She’s right. I made a choice for her, decided that she deserved better and didn’t give her any say. I chose for both of us, and destroyed what we had.”

“And now I’m pregnant and I’m having trouble trusting him but we have a baby on the way and we need to get this figured out,” Lucy says, sagging back into the couch as she finishes what is a very abridged version of their story. 

Dr. Yarrow digests their words for several minutes, and as Lucy waits for her to speak, she glances at Tim out of the corner of her eye. His hands are clasped together, his elbows on his knees and his head hanging between them. 

He looks defeated. 

“All right,” Dr. Yarrow finally says, leaning forward as she meets Lucy’s gaze and then glances at Tim. “So, there’s a lot of threads I could follow here and we’ll cover them all eventually, but for right now I want to focus on something that Tim just said. He said ‘I destroyed what we had’. Lucy, is he right? Is it destroyed? What is our goal here? Are you two wanting to come back together, or are we working on being able to co-parent your child harmoniously?”

Lucy bites her lip and turns to see that Tim is staring at her. 

Despite the fact that she’s told him repeatedly that she loves him, he’s still holding his breath as he waits for her answer. 

“We’re not broken,” she says, and the relieved breath he lets out causes her heart to ache. “I love Tim, and he loves me. I want to be together again, romantically, but we both acknowledge that it’s going to take a lot of work.”

“Okay, good,” Dr. Yarrow says, smiling as she turns her body. “And you, Tim?”

Tim nods. 

“I want everything with Lucy. This baby, more babies one day, marriage. I want to grow old with her. She’s it for me, doc. There’s no one else.”

Lucy smiles, and then feels her lips slipping when she remembers Hollie. 

Dr. Yarrow continues on before Lucy can decide if she wants to mention the text messaging issue right now or not. 

“Today I want to come up with some goals,” she says, reaching for a notepad of paper on the table beside her. “As well as a timeline. Normally I don’t like to operate on a timeline, but the baby kind of makes some of the goals we’re going to set time-sensitive.”

Tim chuckles as he nods, his hands clasped together now as he sits up a little straighter. 

“What kind of goals?”

Dr. Yarrow taps her pen against her lips. 

“Where would you two like to be, as a couple, before this baby arrives?”

Lucy chews on her lip as she thinks, but it’s Tim that speaks first. 

“I just want Lucy to trust me again, to trust me with the baby and her heart and our future.”

Lucy reaches out to take Tim’s hand, though she doesn’t look at him. 

“I want to be able to trust Tim,” she whispers, swallowing past the lump in her throat. “I want to not panic every time his phone rings. I want to trust that, if he’s late getting home, that he’s just held up at work. I want to be able to trust what he says.”

Tim’s hand tightens around hers, and Lucy knows it hurts him that she doesn’t currently trust him with any of those things, but it’s her reality. 

She doesn’t trust him, at least not in that sense. 

She trusts him with her life, but not her heart. 

“Well, it seems like your goals align,” Dr. Yarrow says, smiling as she makes notes. “We’ll also want to work on co-parenting goals and therapy goals for once the baby is born, because new parenthood is hard but therapy is important, especially in those weeks and months after birth. They can be exhausting and isolating, and it’s very important that you keep coming to me during that time. We don’t have to do this all today, though, and in fact, I’d like to end our session here soon, a few minutes early. I’m going to give you a homework assignment, though, and I’d like to see you again this week, Friday if possible. I think because you’re on such a tight schedule with the pregnancy that I’d like to see you twice a week to begin with.”

“Okay,” Lucy whispers, nodding. 

Tim, though, raises an eyebrow. “Homework?”

Dr. Yarrow chuckles. 

“Not like you’re thinking. Not pencil-paper, essay-type homework. More… communication exercises. What I want you to do is this. I want you to schedule time with each other just to talk, every single day. Not about what happened that led to the breakup, unless you feel comfortable navigating that outside of therapy. Mostly I just want you to talk to each other. To get to know each other again, to learn each other. Lucy, you feel like there’s this huge part of Tim’s life that you know nothing about, correct?”

Lucy nods. 

“I want you to schedule time each day to just talk. I have some talking stems and questions you can use if you’d like, to help introduce topics and bring up things you might not think to bring up on your own. I’ll e-mail those PDFs to the addresses you filed with me.”

“That sounds easy,” Lucy murmurs, and Tim nods in agreement. 

Dr. Yarrow, however, chuckles. 

“It does seem easy, doesn’t it? It should be. But there’s a second part of this homework assignment that will be a little more challenging. When you’re talking about the hard things, I want you to use ‘I feel’ language. Take responsibility for your feelings and actions, and acknowledge that you’re in charge of them. So instead of ‘you make me feel so angry’ try ‘I feel angry when this happens’. It takes the blame out of your statements, and you’ll be able to communicate more effectively. It’s human nature to protect ourselves when others accuse us of things, so removing that from the equation opens up the possibility for deeper communication.”

Lucy nods, mouthing the words I feel as she turns to Tim.

I feel upset when you don’t tell me who you’re texting. 

I feel angry when you keep secrets. 

She doesn’t say either of those things, though, because they only have a few minutes left with Dr. Yarrow and she knows the conversation will take longer than that. 

Instead she shoves it down and smiles, thanking their therapist as she stands. 

___________________________

They barely make it out of the door of Dr. Yarrow’s office before Lucy finally can’t hold it in any longer. 

Tim turns his phone off of silent and when it immediately dings three times in rapid succession, everything she’s been shoving down erupts. 

“Who is Hollie?” she blurts, and then winces when Tim comes to a grinding halt next to her. 

“Who?” he tries, but Lucy just rolls her eyes. 

“I saw the text message, Tim, when you were making dinner. Hollie Benton. She said I can’t wait to see you. And I know you’re not cheating, but I feel frustrated when you keep secrets from me.”

Tim gives her a look, obviously hearing the stressed words in her sentence. 

“I… it’s not what you’re thinking, Lucy,” he says, shaking his head as he holds his phone in the air between them, both of them wincing when it dings for the fourth time. “It’s a surprise. For you. Trust me, please?”

Lucy considers it for a second, but then shakes her head. 

“No, Tim. I don’t trust you,” she whispers, and he sighs as she shakes her head. “I wish I did but I don’t because every single time your phone goes off, I’m thrown viscerally back to that night when you left. And I’m working on it, I am, but right now I need to know who Hollie is and who you’re texting because I … I’m not there yet.”

She trails off, her gaze not wavering from Tim’s as he stands there, his phone between them a physical representation of everything that’s wrong in their relationship. 

“Okay,” he whispers after what seems like a small eternity. “All right. I’ll show you.”

“Show me?” Lucy asks, confused. 

Tim nods. 

“Yes, I’ll show you. Get in the truck and I’ll show you what I’ve been doing and who I’ve been talking to.”

Lucy is more confused than ever, and she definitely doesn’t want to meet whoever this Hollie person is, but she trusts Tim just enough to follow him to his truck and climb inside. 

What in the world is he planning?

Chapter Text

Tim

The drive is, in a word, tense. 

Lucy is curled into the passenger seat of his truck, knees pulled up to her chest. Her arms are wrapped around her knees and she keeps looking at him in a way that makes his heart clench. 

He knows it’s his own fault that he’s lost her trust, but every reminder still hurts. 

He wants to earn it back, but he feels like he’s fucked things up more by keeping this secret. 

He’d just wanted to surprise her, but he should have looked at the situation from her point of view. 

Taking personal days.

Secret text messages. 

Fuck, the messages. 

Just like with Ray. 

“I’m sorry, Luce,” he whispers, his hands tightening on the wheel as he turns the truck onto a quiet, residential street. “I should have considered how trying to surprise you might come across. I should have told you I was planning a surprise, at the very least, so you knew that was why I was texting people and spending so much time away from you and from work.”

Lucy shrugs. “It’s okay,” she whispers, but Tim shakes his head. 

“No, Luce, it’s not. I need to be more aware of your perspective if this is going to work between us. I didn’t even consider how it might look, which was stupid.”

Lucy turns her head toward him, resting her ear on her knee as she watches him drive. Tim can feel her gaze, but he keeps his eyes on the road as he navigates the streets slowly. 

She doesn’t speak for a long time. 

“I was worried you might leave again,” she finally whispers, and her words confirm Tim’s suspicions that everything he’d been doing had reminded her of when he’d left her because of Ray. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, clenching his jaw. 

God, he just keeps fucking up. 

“I really… I really just wanted to surprise you. I wanted to… well, you’ll see. We’re here.”

Lucy glances up, her feet sliding down the bench seat until they’re on the floor, her body turning so that she can glance out of the passenger window. 

They’re sitting in front of a cute, one story house, a winding path leading to the door. It’s surrounded by garden beds with mature flowers, vines, and bushes, and there’s a huge, crooked tree in the front yard that nearly covers the bright red door from their view. 

Lucy turns to Tim, confusion painted on her face as she looks around the quiet, quaint neighborhood. 

“What… what are we doing here, Tim?”

Tim smiles and climbs out of the truck, quickly walking to her side and opening her door. She takes the offered hand, and then they walk to stand in front of the white picket fence surrounding the house. The sun is beginning to set, and the lights from inside glow softly as fireflies zip in front of their faces. 

Tim watches as comprehension begins to dawn on Lucy’s face. 

“Did you buy us a house?” she asks, her voice high and disbelieving. 

Tim smiles and shrugs. 

“Yes, and also no,” he says, grinning crookedly as Lucy shoots him an annoyed look at his non-answer. 

“What does that mean?” she asks, and Tim’s smile grows as he reaches out to open the picket fence and usher her inside of the yard. The path leading to the door is cobblestone, and he watches as Lucy walks along it, her eyes darting from the red door to the ancient, crooked and gnarled tree in the front yard. 

“It means I am going to buy a house. I learned my lesson, Luce, about making decisions for you, so I’m not going to buy you a house without your input. I’m dumb, but I’m not that dumb. So I had Hollie — my realtor — do all of the legwork. I gave her all of your non-negotiables, my budget, and a deadline, and she found six houses that meet all of the criteria. I was going to bring you to tour them next week when we had a day off together."

Lucy finally tears her gaze away from the house, turning to Tim with parted lips, her brown eyes bright and filled with emotion. 

“You’re going to buy us a house?” she asks again, and again, Tim shakes his head. 

“No, Luce,” he murmurs, sliding his hands from his pockets so that he can rest one on her hip and brush hair out her gaze with the other. “I’m going to buy you a house. Your name is the only name on the contract. You said you need more room for you and the baby. So, I’m giving you more room. This one is three bedroom, two bathrooms, but Hollie found a few with all of your specifications that have up to four bedrooms.”

Lucy holds up a hand between them, shaking her head despite the smile that’s slowly inching its way onto her lips. 

“Hold on. How do you know my non-negotiables?”

Tim blushes at this, his gaze leaving hers as he studies the tree in the front yard intently. 

It would be a nice tree to hang a baby swing from...

“Remember that one night a few months ago, when we were laying in bed and talking about our dream homes?”

Lucy nods slowly. 

“You told me everything you wanted in a house. An open floor plan, lots of natural light, room to have family and friends over, and a backyard made for nights with loved ones.”

He knows there’s more but he’s running out of fingers to tick them off because he refuses to move his hand from her waist. 

“You remembered?” Lucy whispers, disbelief coloring her words. 

Tim smiles bashfully. 

“After you fell asleep, I wrote it all down,” he admits, and he hears the soft noise of emotion Lucy makes before she wraps her arms around him and buries her face in his chest. He wraps his arms around her and smiles into her hair, rocking them side to side as the fireflies surround them. 

“I’m biased to this one, Luce, because the backyard is beautiful. It’s… god, you’re going to love it. But there are five more to look at, too. Hollie can take us on a tour of all of them when we’re both off work and you can choose your favorite. I’ll put an offer in and it’ll be yours before you know it. We can get you moved in before the baby gets here, decorate a nursery together.”

“You should love it, too,” Lucy murmurs, and Tim smiles because while he’s planning on buying it for her, he hopes he’ll live in the house she chooses one day, too. 

“I love all of them,” he says, and it’s true. 

There’s not a single house he and Hollie had looked at that he hadn’t loved, that he couldn’t imagine himself raising a family with Lucy in. 

If he’s honest, though, this house has his heart.

He loves its red door and its backyard and the slanted ceilings in the master bedroom, the wooden cabinets in the bathrooms and the open kitchen and living room area.

He can imagine little feet running through the halls, and long nights on the back porch and in the little garden with friends and family. 

He can imagine growing old here, with Lucy and their babies and Kojo. 

“I love this one,” Lucy whispers, and then she freezes in his arms before pulling back, her eyes wide with sudden realization. “Oh, god, Tim, the money! Houses are so expensive right now, you shouldn’t… you can’t…”

Tim shushes her with a finger on his lips. 

“I have the money from selling my dad’s house, and I can’t think of a single better fuck you to him than to buy a house to raise a family in with it.”

Lucy stares at him for a long moment, and then she’s grinning, her eyes sparkling with emotion and unshed tears. 

“God, I love you,” she whispers, and then she’s pushing onto her tiptoes and grabbing his face in her little hands, pressing her lips to his as she crowds into his space, her body warm and soft and perfect against his. 

She kisses him for a long moment and then falls back to her feet, her cheeks pinks and her expression incandescently happy. 

“This is… Tim,” she whispers, and he shrugs as he smiles softly at her. 

“You deserve everything,” he murmurs softly, brushing his thumb across her cheek before leaning down to press his lips to her forehead. “You deserve a beautiful house to raise our baby in, a neighborhood where you can walk with them and they can ride their bikes on the street. You deserve a house full of nothing but love, Lucy, and I want to give that to you. I want your family, our family, to be everything my family never was, and a house to raise those babies and dogs in is just the tip of what I want to give you during the rest of our lives together."

Lucy’s openly crying by the time he finishes speaking, but her lips are pulled into a wide smile that reveals her dimples. Tim leans down and kisses each one, and then catches her gaze. She nods, and then he kisses her again, slow, soft, her lips warm and soft and wet under his. 

“I love you,” he whispers, and she stifles a sob as she lays her head on his chest. 

“I love you, too,” she breathes, and he smiles toward the sky as his hand cups the back of her head the same way he had when he’d walked away from her in that goddamn parking lot. 

Lucy pulls back from the hug eventually, though, pressing one finger in the middle of his chest as she meets his gaze, her own sparkling in the bright pink sunset that’s painted across the sky. 

“But you’re putting both of our names on the contact, Tim. This isn’t my house, it’s our house.”

Tim nods slowly, already knowing he’ll do whatever she wants. 

“I wanted it to be your choice,” he whispers. “This isn’t a small dose, Luce. It’s a huge gesture. And I didn’t want to push you too far too soon or scare you away. It’s your house until you’re ready for it to be our house, no matter how long that takes. Not a second sooner, Luce. I’ll live at my house or one of the extra bedrooms or even in a tent in the backyard until you’re ready, okay? Your pace.”

Lucy nods slowly, smiling wetly as she turns to press her back against Tim’s chest as she stares at the house in front of him. 

Tim kisses her head and then wraps his arms around her, both hands settling over her belly as they stand there together, swaying in the evening air. 

“It’s a beautiful house,” she whispers, and Tim has to hide a grin in her hair because he’s secretly hoping she’ll choose this one. 

It looks beautiful, but more important, it feels like it could be their home. 

Chapter Text

Lucy

The next several days fly by, and while Lucy knows that she and Tim have a lot more healing to do, a lot more messy, complicated issues to tackle in therapy, she’s excited. 

A house seems like a very solid, important step forward. 

Surely Tim wouldn’t buy them — her — a house if he weren’t in this for the long haul. 

(She knows that he is, logically, but she’s having trouble getting her heart to agree. 

The house, somehow, makes it easier). 

The day before they’re supposed to view all of the houses, Tim catches her outside of the locker room after a long shift, and she smiles at him as she slings her backpack over her shoulder.

“Is tomorrow still good for looking at the other houses?” he asks, and she nods as she moves closer to him to let another officer pass by. 

“Yes,” she agrees easily. 

She’s already fallen desperately in love with the one he showed her, though. After going their separate ways that night, he’d emailed her the link with photos of the inside of the house, and it’s perfect. 

The only reason she’d let him talk her into viewing the others is because some of them have four bedrooms, and she knows that, one day, they may need that extra space. 

She hopes that one day they’ll need that extra space, at least. 

But the first house… god, she loves it. And three bedrooms will tide them over for at least three kids, because if they have multiples of the same gender, they can share until they’re older. 

It would be a good house to start their family in, at least, and they could always look for a bigger house or renovate down the road if needed. 

“I’ll pick you up at eight,” Tim says, and when Lucy groans at the thought of waking up so early on her first day off in over a week, he chuckles softly. “I’ll make it worth your while, Luce. I can bring Nevins,” he offers, and while the idea of waking up early is a terrible one considering the exhaustion this pregnancy is plaguing her with, the thought of seeing houses with Tim and a chai latte and a chocolate croissant is almost enough to make up for it. 

Tim grins like he knows he has her hooked, and she rolls her eyes as she swats her arm. 

It’s not her fault the baby is hungry for chocolate croissants. 

“I want—” she begins, but Tim chuckles again as he drops his hand to her elbow to begin leading her in the direction of the parking garage. 

“A chai latte and a chocolate croissant,” he recites, having long ago memorized her order. “Anything else? Anything for the baby?”

Lucy considers his offer carefully. 

Normally she’d feel self conscious ordering more food than normal, but it turns out that once the pregnancy nausea had begun to pass, an all consuming hunger had hit her. 

Growing a whole new human, apparently, makes you hungry. 

All of the goddamn time. 

And it’s not like she’s gaining a bunch of weight or anything (less than her doctor had expected, even), so she knows the extra calories are going toward growing extra organs and hearts and bones. 

Still, she feels nervous asking for more. 

She doesn’t want to seem greedy.

“Can you bring me one of their bear claws, too?” she whispers, biting her lip as she glances toward the ground.

Looking at houses from eight to noon sounds exhausting, and while Tim had promised her lunch afterward, she knows she’s going to be hungry halfway through. 

Tim nods easily as they walk into the elevator together. He punches the button for the parking garage and leans against the wall next to her, the space between them just a few weeks ago completely gone.

“Of course I can,” he says. “I know that you’ve been more hungry than normal recently and that touring six houses will be exhausting after seven back-to-back patrol shifts.”

Lucy smiles and turns to let her eyes linger on the way he’s leaning against the back wall of the elevator, his hands in his pockets and his lips turned up in an easy smile. 

“Thank you,” she whispers, reaching out to touch his arm. Her fingers linger for a long moment on the soft material of his henley, but he doesn’t seem to mind. 

She very much wants to kiss him, but she hasn’t since they’d stood outside of the house he’d brought her to. 

The house he wants to buy for her. 

“Anything my girls want,” he murmurs, and she chuckles as she drops a hand to her belly. 

“We don’t know the baby’s a girl, Tim,” she admonishes him. 

He just shrugs. 

“I have a feeling,” he says, and Lucy laughs again because of all the people in the world, she never would have expected Tim Bradford to be the one to base his predictions on a feeling. 

“What if it’s a boy?” she asks, because she doesn’t have any strong intuition one way or the other, and she knows she’ll be happy either way. 

She hopes Tim will be, too. 

His smile slips a little bit, though, and Lucy’s fingers tighten on his arm. 

“I… I’ll be honest,” he whispers, his eyes not meeting hers any longer. “I’d be a little nervous if it were a boy.”

“Why?”

The elevator dings to announce their arrival to the parking garage but neither of them move for a long moment. Lucy eventually sticks a hand out to keep the door from closing, and then tugs on Tim’s henley where she’s still resting her hand. 

He follows her out of the elevator and then shrugs as they stand in the middle of the concrete structure. 

“My father,” he says, and Lucy’s stomach swoops as his words, whispered softly, wash over her. “He… I don’t know how to explain it, but… but what if I can’t be a good dad to a boy because of him?”

Lucy makes a noise and pulls Tim toward her, wrapping her arms around him and resting her cheek on his chest. She can feel his heart beating rapidly under her ear, and she sighs as she feels him tentatively return her hug.

She remembers the night she’d stood outside of his father’s hospice room, the way she’d held him then, too. 

“You’re nothing like your father,” she whispers fiercely, pulling back to meet his gaze as she continues. “Tim, you will be an amazing father to this baby, no matter what. Boy or girl, you’re going to love them fiercely. You will never, ever be like him.”

Tim clears his throat and nods, and while Lucy knows he doesn’t believe her words yet, she knows they’re true. 

He’s going to be the best daddy to their baby. 

She resolves to bring the issue up in therapy before their 20 week appointment, just in case their baby is a boy. 

“I promise,” she whispers, smiling softly as she brushes her thumb across his cheek. “I know you, Tim, and while we have had our ups and downs, I know without a shadow of a doubt that you will never hurt our child the way your father hurt you.”

Tim nods, and Lucy knows he doesn’t believe her but she’s willing to let it drop for today. 

He’ll see. 

Once their baby is in his arms… 

“I’d kind of like a little girl, too,” she says, purposely changing the subject as they begin to walk in the direction of their vehicles. “So, you know, if we don’t get one on the first try…”

Tim chuckles and smiles down at her, and while it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, it’s an improvement.

“Yeah? You want more than one?”

Lucy nods eagerly. “Yeah. Not right away, of course. Not until we are in a better place. And I’d like to get settled into being a TO and see if it’s what I want to do long term before getting pregnant again, but I was an only child, Tim, and I don’t want that for our baby.”

“I want three,” he says, pausing as they reach her car. “I always have. More would be okay, too, but I’ve always wanted at least three kids.”

Lucy grins. “I can work with that.”

Tim smirks, and Lucy wonders if he’s thinking about the baby-making process the way she suddenly is. 

She’s willing to put in the work to build their family, and she knows Tim will be, too. 

After all, they’re very good at it. 

“So, when we look at houses tomorrow, we should keep that in mind,” he murmurs, and Lucy nods despite the sudden warmth filling her stomach. 

Thinking about having more babies with Tim is doing it for her. 

Tim smiles, his eyes roaming her face lazily, and Lucy knows her cheeks are pink but she’s refusing to acknowledge that fact. 

As much as she loves Tim and wants him back in her life (and her bed), she knows they need to keep things chaste and slow for now. They haven’t even kissed since they’d stood outside of the house he’d shown her, and despite how much she wants it, she’s determined to do this right.

“See you tomorrow,” she whispers, and despite wanting to haul Tim home with her, she lets him go, watches as he walks to his truck and climbs inside. 

Baby steps. 

Small doses. 

She just wonders how long she can keep going slowly when the pregnancy is making her hormones go wild. 

________________________

The next morning Lucy is still partly asleep and very grumpy when Tim shows up. 

He raises an eyebrow at her and she grunts, taking her Chai Latte from him before walking back into her bedroom and kicking the door closed behind her. She can hear him chuckling as he stands in her kitchen, but she ignores him as she goes back to staring at the explosion of clothing covering her bed and dresser and floor. 

Although, considering this is his fault, maybe she shouldn’t ignore him. 

Maybe she should yell at him. 

“This is your fault!” she shouts, slamming the door open again and glaring at Tim as she motions toward where her jeans no longer button. She’s wearing a sports bra and had been in the middle of trying to get dressed when she’d realized that the pants she’d chosen no longer fit, and she’d almost made it through her entire wardrobe of bottoms before Tim had knocked on her door.

“Oh,” Tim whispers, and Lucy thinks that maybe he missed the vitriol in her voice because he’s grinning widely as he walks toward her. 

“My pants don’t fit,” she clarifies, just in case he hadn’t realized her intention. “None of them, Tim. It's too damn early in this pregnancy for my pants to not fit."

“You… god, you’re beautiful,” he whispers, and Lucy makes a small, confused noise as he stops in front of her, his hand hovering over her belly. 

Which… 

Oh. 

He hasn’t seen her naked in weeks. 

He hasn’t seen the soft swell of her lower stomach. 

It’s not even a bump yet.

She doesn’t even look pregnant, really. 

She just looks bloated, a teeny-tiny swell right below her belly button making it difficult to wear anything in her closet. 

But Tim seems to be in awe, and she feels the anger slowly seep from her body as he catches her gaze, asking for permission before he touches her. She nods, and then watches as his hand fits over her belly, covering the entire swell of her lower stomach with one palm as he gasps in surprise. 

“That’s our baby,” he whispers, and fuck her hormones because she goes from angry to nearly sobbing with emotion in less than a second. 

“It’s probably mostly the burrito I ate at three in the morning,” she whispers, and Tim chuckles but shakes his head. 

“I’ll buy you new pants,” he says, smiling as he brushes his thumb along the little swell that may or may not be bean burrito. “We can go shopping after lunch.”

“I can wear a dress for now,” Lucy murmurs, and Tim nods as he follows her back into the bedroom. His hand drops from her stomach as she wiggles back out of her pants, but he doesn't stay away for long. Once her jeans are discarded he’s back, his fingers trailing along the skin just above her panties, tracing the swell of her stomach as she scans her closet. 

“We’ll have to start telling people soon,” he murmurs as she swats at his hand so she can pull on a yellow sundress. “Other than Grey and Smitty, that is. Once you start showing more.”

Lucy feels a mix of excitement and fear at the thought of telling all of their friends, but she pushes it aside because it’s not an immediate concern. 

“We have a while,” she says, shaking her head as she settles the sundress. It falls halfway down her thighs and then stops, and she has to admit that it’s comfortable, much more comfortable than trying in vain to button her jeans. “I won’t be showing that much for a while. Though I will have to requisition more uniform pants soon…”

Tim reaches for her again, his hand settling over her sundress, and she chuckles as she lets him touch her belly for a long moment before reaching for her Chai again. 

“Although if you keep touching me, you’re going to give it away,” she says, raising an eyebrow as she takes a long sip of her latte. 

“I can’t help it,” he whispers in wonder, his palm settling over her stomach. “That’s our baby, Luce. We did that.”

Lucy grins into her coffee, letting one of her hands fall and press over Tim’s. 

“Yeah, we did, huh?”

Tim holds her for a long moment and then sighs, stepping back so that she can pull on sandals. 

“Let’s go find this baby a house,” he says, and Lucy smiles, her bad mood completely gone as she follows him out of the apartment. 

Chapter Text

Tim

They’re late to the first listing, and Tim has no one but himself to blame. 

He can’t help himself, though — Lucy is beautiful always, but Lucy who is obviously pregnant with his child?

It’s a miracle they made it out of the apartment, honestly. 

Even now he almost turns the truck around because she’s just sitting there, radiant in the light from the sun. She’s wearing that damn yellow sundress that brings out her eyes and looks gorgeous on her, smiling and sipping her latte, her sour mood from the morning completely gone. 

He watches her every chance he gets, at every stoplight, every stop sign, every time he can possibly take his eyes off of the road for a single second, and by the time they arrive outside of the first house Hollie is scheduled to show them, Lucy is flushed and embarrassed. 

Tim exits the truck and quickly heads to Lucy’s side, offering her his hand as she hops down. She rolls her eyes and he knows she can do these things for herself, but he wants to spoil her and their baby. 

“Ready?” he asks. 

She nods, brushing a loose curl behind her ear as her eyes take in the house before them. This one is a quaint, two-story house with a large porch and a freshly manicured lawn. It’s one Tim likes because of the size and location, but it hadn’t entranced him the way the house on Meadowlark had. The red door, the fairy lights in the backyard, the ancient tree in the front that he can already imagine putting a baby swing on — he loves that house, and he hopes that, once Lucy sees the inside, she’ll love it, too. 

But he wants her to see all of the houses, wants her to have as many choices as possible. 

“Good morning!”

Tim is torn from his thoughts as Hollie approaches them, and he smiles as he slides an arm around Lucy's waist. 

“Hey, Hollie,” he greets, nodding at the older woman as Lucy tears her eyes from the house to greet their realtor. He notices her shock when she realizes how old Hollie is, and he almost chuckles because he knows she’d been jealous when she’d seen Hollie had been texting him, but he doesn’t. “This is Lucy.”

“Oh, sweetheart, it’s so nice to meet you,” Hollie gushes, bypassing the hand Lucy offers and pulling her into a hug. “I’ve heard so much about you from Tim, and I have to say, you’re even more beautiful than he described.”

Lucy blushes and smiles, ducking her head as she brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“It’s nice to meet you, too,” she murmurs. Tim buries his smile in her hair as he kisses her head, inhaling her shampoo as he guides her up the steps to the first house. 

“So, we’re on a tight schedule today,” Hollie says as she unlocks the front door. “Six houses in one morning is no small feat. However, I think this is a good starting place. This house has four bedrooms and three bathrooms and is around 2,500 square feet. It has a nice backyard and is in a good school district. I understand that will matter soon.”

Lucy nods and brushes her hand over her belly. 

“In a few years, yes.”

Hollie winks at her and then sets the combination lock on a small table just inside of the door as they enter. “Well, this house has it all. Let me show you around.”

Tim dutifully follows Hollie through the house, though he’s already seen it once. 

It’s nice and it has all of their requirements, but it’s just a house. 

It’s not a home. 

By the time they’re standing on the front porch again, Lucy seems to agree. 

“It’s beautiful,” she says, but she doesn’t have to say anymore because Hollie has been doing this for a long time and can read between the lines. 

“But it’s not the one. That’s okay! Let’s keep looking!”

The second house they visit is an almost immediate “no” because Lucy doesn’t like the neighborhood. The house itself is amazing, but it’s not a place either of them really want to raise a family.

The third house is the first one that Tim had seen, a one story, ranch style home with four bedrooms and two bathrooms. It has a large back porch and plenty of room for both Kojo and kids to run, mature flower beds and large, towering trees. 

“It’s beautiful,” Lucy murmurs once they finish the tour, and Tim has to agree. 

“It’s big enough to grow into, as well,” Hollie adds, smiling at them as she shows them the fourth bedroom. “The schools are great, and it’s a very family friendly neighborhood. There are always kids out playing and families walking around.”

Tim can tell that Lucy really likes the house, but he doesn’t want her to settle just yet. 

They have three more to view, after all, and he wants her to see them all. 

With any luck, she (they, hopefully soon) will be living in whatever house she chooses for a long, long time. 

“Let’s keep looking,” he whispers, brushing his lips along the shell of her ear and smiling when he feels her shiver under his touch. “We can come back after lunch if you want to view it again after we see the others.”

The fourth house is a ‘no’ because it doesn’t have a large enough backyard, which Lucy declares is a requirement because she wants a swing set and a pool and plenty of room for their children to be in the sunshine and fresh air. 

Tim has to pause and breathe deeply for a few moments when she mentions children, because despite the fact that they’re taking things physically slow, neither of them seem to be able to slow down when they’re picturing their future. 

A family. 

Babies, plural. 

He’s already so overwhelmed by the idea of her carrying their first child that he can barely breathe when he imagines more. 

He’s always wanted children, but he hadn’t realized how badly he’d wanted them with Lucy until she’d told him she was pregnant. 

The drive to the fifth house takes almost half an hour, which Tim had worried would be a dealbreaker, but he’d loved it because it was away. 

Away from the city, from the noise and the pollution. 

Away from the chaos and the crime and general pandemonium of their daily lives. 

As much as he loves the house with the red door, he loves this house because it’s quiet. 

“I can hear birds,” Lucy whispers as she climbs out of the truck, and Tim smiles as he nods. 

“It’s … peaceful.”

They follow Hollie up the path to the front of the house, and Tim watches as Lucy’s excitement fades when he sees how much work the place needs. 

“It’s definitely a fixer-upper,” Hollie says with caution as she leads them through the living room and kitchen. “It’s had a few price reductions in the past several weeks because the amount of work to be done is… substantial.”

“This wallpaper…” Lucy muses, and Tim nearly laughs because he already knows what words she’d used to describe it if it were just them in the room. 

Hideous. 

Ruinous. 

“It would have to go,” he agrees, and Lucy nods adamantly as she wraps her hands around his bicep. She holds on as they walk through the rest of the house slowly, and when they come to a stop on the wrap-around front porch, she sighs and bites her lip.

“It’s…”

Tim waits patiently, because he’d gone through the same juxtaposition of emotions when he’d seen the house the first time. 

“If it weren’t for the baby…” she continues, and he nods. 

“It’s going to take a lot of time and money,” Hollie confirms as she re-locks the front door. “The area is beautiful and honestly its main selling point. There’s land and it’s so quiet, something you don’t get a lot of in the city. But the house itself is a long-term project.”

One Tim isn’t sure they want to take on with a newborn underfoot. 

“Let’s see the last house,” he suggests, and Lucy nods eagerly, the sparkle returning to her eyes as she remembers the house with the red door he’d taken her to only a few days before. 

Tim had saved it for last because he wanted her to view the others with an open mind before touring his favorite. 

The drive to the house takes a while, and Tim sighs as they return to the noise of the city. 

He loves the quiet, but he also loves this. 

“What do you think so far?” he asks, reaching out to brush his hand along her knee as he drives. 

Lucy hums and considers for a long moment, staring out the window as she thinks. Tim allows her time to put her thoughts in order, to really process all the different houses they’ve seen today. 

“None of them are home,” she says, and he nods in agreement as she continues. “The first one was beautiful. It was big enough for a growing family and had everything we wanted. So, it’s honestly near the top of the list. The third house, the one with the huge backyard, that one was nice, too. Those are the only two I could see myself living in, but…”

Tim turns to smile softly at her as he slows the truck to a stop at a red light. 

“But none of them have spoken to you, have they?”

There’s only a small amount of teasing in his voice as he asks the question because as much as he likes to make fun of her for her more spiritual approach to the world, at least in this case, he understands. 

The house with the red door had spoken to him, and it was really the only one he could imagine coming home to every day, the only one where he could imagine raising babies with Lucy. 

“No,” she agrees, and Tim is about to ask her about the house he’d taken her to the night she’d demanded to know who Hollie was when her stomach growls loudly.

They both laugh as Tim reaches for the forgotten Nevin’s bag with her bear claw in it. He hands it to her and she thanks him quietly, smiling at him when she thinks he isn’t looking as she chews thoughtfully on the pastry. 

“I’d want to put a swing in the tree out front,” she murmurs between bites, and Tim feels his heart clench in his chest because he wants to put a swing in the tree, too. 

“Yeah?”

Lucy nods as she curls her feet under her on the truck bench. Her sundress rides up, and Tim feels just daring enough to reach out and rest his hand on her naked thigh, his thumb rubbing circles on her warm skin. She sucks in a breath but doesn’t pull away, and Tim feels drunk on the feeling of her skin as he navigates the streets to what he hopes will soon be their home. 

He knows, before they even go inside, that this is the one. 

Lucy sighs and smiles, relaxing against him as they walk the little, cobblestone path to the front door. 

“It feels like coming home, doesn’t it?” he whispers, and Lucy nods as Hollie unlocks it and opens the door for them. 

They tour slowly, taking in every detail of the combined kitchen and living room area. The dark wood, the natural light shining in through the windows, the hardwood floors. 

“All of the appliances are new and come with the house,” Hollie adds as Lucy opens the dishwasher. “The island was installed just a few years ago, and it really pulls the whole area together.”

Tim follows behind the women slowly, his hands in his pockets as he watches Lucy take in the slanted ceilings in the living room and the fireplace in the corner. He watches her eyes sparkle when they reach the master bedroom, and chuckles when she squeals in delight at the clawfoot tub. There’s a huge walk-in closet in the master, as well as plenty of linen storage in the hallway outside. 

“The additional bedrooms are separate from the master area,” Hollie says, her lips curled into the smile of a realtor who knows she has her clients hooked. “But there’s a small office right across from the master bedroom that could be used as a nursery. It’s not advertised as a bedroom because it’s only eight by ten feet, but it’s close by and accessible for those midnight feedings.”

Lucy pops her head into the room, and Tim knows she’s imagining where she’d put the baby’s crib and a rocker to soothe them to sleep on. 

“It would make a sweet little nursery before the baby is ready for their own room far away from us,” she murmurs.

Hollie eventually drags them to view the second bathroom as well as the other two bedrooms, and then she opens the doors to the backyard and steps onto the porch and if the inside hadn’t sealed the deal, Tim knows, this would. 

“Oh… my god,” Lucy whispers. 

Tim watches her take in the space with a small smile playing on her lips. The wooden back porch is big enough to entertain on and there’s an additional concrete area for a grill and a fire pit. There’s a small garden off to the side, and a large enough grassy area for everything she’d mentioned — a pool, a swing set, maybe even a garden. It’s all fenced in, private, and he can imagine long nights with friends and family under the light of the moon in this backyard. 

Lucy turns to face him with tears in her eyes, and Tim makes a distraught noise as he reaches for her, his hand cupping her cheek. 

“This is it,” she whispers softly. 

“Yeah?”

She nods, her lips pulling into a sweet smile as she glances around the backyard. 

“Yeah. This is our home, Tim.”

Tim pulls her into his arms, smiling into her hair as he breathes her in. 

Home. 

It’s something he hasn’t had for a long, long time, but he’s hopeful that, soon, he’ll share this one with her. 

________________________

After putting an offer in on the house, Tim takes Lucy to lunch as promised. They get a table at a small cafe near the house with the red door, and they sit outside in the sunshine as they slowly sip iced tea. 

“This feels good,” Lucy says. 

Tim raises an eyebrow in question, unsure what exactly she’s talking about. 

“The house. The baby. Us. I feel like… like we’re finally headed in the right direction,” she clarifies, and Tim smiles because yeah, it does feel like that. 

“I think we are,” he agrees softly, though he knows they still have more work to do. Couples therapy has been heavy, and his individual sessions are just as hard. 

It’s worth it, of course, but he knows that healing comes in stops and starts. 

“Promise me we’ll keep at it,” Lucy says, reaching for his hand on the table while the other falls to her belly. She brushes her hand over her dress, cupping her stomach in that way all pregnant women do, and smiles as she tightens her fingers around his. “Even when it’s hard.”

“I promise,” Tim murmurs. “Even on the hard days. Especially on the hard days. We’re worth it. Our family is worth it.”

Lucy can’t stop smiling even as she sips at her tea, and Tim watches her languidly.

He’s not in a rush here. 

He’s not in a hurry or on a schedule, and he can take as much time as he wants just looking at her. 

He can —

“Sergeant Bradford?”

Tim startles, nearly sloshing iced tea out of his glass as he sets it down quickly. He turns, his simple slipping into a frown when he sees Officer Janes standing on the other side of the fenced in area of the cafe, her eyes flickering between his face, Lucy’s hand on her stomach, and their clasped hands on the table. 

Well, shit. 

Chapter Text

Tim

“So, are you and Officer Chen, like, dating?

Tim slams on the brakes of the shop and relishes in the press of the seatbelt against his chest, knowing that the shock to Office Janes will be much greater. He grins when he hears her sharp grunt, and then schools his expression before turning to face her, a scowl in place of the previous amusement. 

“Have I given any indication that I want to talk about my personal life, Boot?”

“No, but —”

Tim cuts her off before she can protest. 

“What you saw this weekend was my personal life, and therefore I do not want to talk about it with you. I didn’t want to talk about it then, and I don’t want to talk about it now. All I wanted on Saturday was to enjoy my sandwich and tea in peace, but instead, my Boot showed up out of nowhere and interjected herself into my conversation instead of walking past with her head down like all my previous Boots knew to do. And now you’re bringing it up again?”

Officer Janes sits in the passenger seat with her mouth gaping open, and when she doesn’t speak for a few seconds, Tim assumes it’s safe to proceed and pulls the shop off of the shoulder he’d driven it onto to yell at Janes. 

He feels a little bit like the old TO Tim Bradford, and while Lucy had made him soft in some ways, he knows that he can’t give a trainee like Janes even an inch or else she’ll take a mile. 

Case in point… 

“I just think it’s unprofessional,” she continues once the shock has worn off. “You know, for her. Is she not thinking of her career?”

Tim clenches his jaw tightly enough that he can hear his teeth grinding as he sucks in a long, deliberately slow breath through his nose. 

He can’t actually wash a rookie out for talking to him, as much as he wishes he could. 

He can, however, write up a blue page on her for unprofessionalism if she keeps this up. 

Before he can decide what to do about the situation, though, his phone rings, and he takes the distraction for the blessing it is and answers the call before he verbally eviscerate his rookie. 

“Bradford,” he snaps. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. Is this a bad time?”

Tim winces and blows out a breath as he drives the shop with one hand. He briefly considers putting Hollie on speakerphone, but he doesn’t want to give Janes anymore insight into his life than he already unwittingly has. 

“No, it’s fine. I apologize for being short with you.”

“No worries, I figured you might be at work and I was prepared to leave a message, but since you answered, your offer has been accepted! If you have time to come down and sign the paperwork we can get the ball rolling on everything and get you and Lucy moved in as soon as possible!”

Tim smiles despite himself, the news that his offer on Lucy’s house has been accepted going a long way to sooth his irritation at his rookie. 

“I can come sign now. I can be at the office in ten minutes.”

Hollie thanks him and then hangs up, and Tim reaches for the radio between the seats without even looking at Janes. 

“This is 7-Adam-100 calling in 10-6 personal, we’ll be on call for emergencies and back within thirty minutes.”

Immediately after calling out, Tim reaches for his phone and dials Lucy, knowing that his words likely put her on edge the second she heard them over the radio. 

“Hey.”

He can hear the stress in her voice, and he feels something warm settle in his stomach at the realization that she’ll always be worried about him, just like he will for her. 

“Hey,” he murmurs, biting back the soft Luce that wants to follow his greeting. “Our offer was accepted, and I’m going to sign papers on the house. I didn’t want you to worry.”

“Thank you,” Lucy says, her voice suddenly much lighter. “I appreciate that, Tim.”

He’s been working on communicating with her about his whereabouts and what he’s doing whenever he can. He’s trying to be more aware and respectful of how much worry he’d caused her when he disappeared to go after Ray, going as far as to share his location with her and never turn it off. She can see where he is at the press of a button, and it’s given them both some much needed peace of mind. 

“I’m putting your name on the paperwork,” he says, glancing at Janes out of the corner of his eye as he flicks on his turn signal and heads toward Hollie’s office. 

“Yours, too, Tim,” she reminds him, and he chuckles softly. 

“I know. But yours is primary.”

She is going to own the house, he’s already decided, and when she’s ready, they will. In the meantime they’re going to make equal payments on the part of the mortgage his down-payment hadn’t covered.

“Okay,” she murmurs, giving in just as easily as the last time he’d demanded she be the primary owner. “Dinner tonight?”

Tim smiles and nods to himself. “Yeah. I’ll pick you up after shift.”

“See you then. Love you.”

“Love you, too,” he murmurs, and then he’s hanging up and gripping the steering wheel tightly in both hands as he drives. 

Janes doesn’t speak for a long time, but when she does, his blood fucking boils. 

“She just doesn’t seem like your type, is all,” she says, flipping her hair out of her face and smiling as she meets his gaze. She slowly slides one hand over his arm, her fingernails scratching his skin as she wraps them around his wrist. “It seems silly of her to risk her career for, you know, a fling.”

Tim slams on the brakes harder than he means to as he pulls into a parking spot in front of Hollie’s office, wrenching his arm from her grip and holding his wrist in his other hand as if her touch had actually burned him. 

It feels like it had, and not in a good way. 

He stares resolutely forward, his teeth clenched so tightly his vision swims and his head aches. 

If he were the Tim Bradford of three years ago, he would have already washed her out.

Yelled at her, tossed her out of the shop, and verbally humiliated her. 

And he wants to, but Dr. Keller has been working with him on calming down before reacting. 

“Do not leave this shop,” he snaps as he opens his door and climbs out. He meets Officer Janes eyes briefly as he glares at her, and her smug smile melts into something a little more concerned when she sees the obvious anger radiating off of him in waves. “And do not presume to know details about my personal life, Boot. Especially do not presume to know my type, and never, I repeat, never speak about Officer Chen like that again.”

“Sir—”

Tim doesn’t let her finish. 

He’s done listening to her. 

“When I get back, we’re going back to the station and I’m writing a blue page on you, Boot, for acting in an unprofessional manner toward a senior officer.”

He slams the door and stalks inside of the office, pausing just inside of the door to take a few deep, calming breaths. 

In for five, out for five. 

Breathe.

He’s only marginally calmer when he walks into Hollie’s office, but there’s something about signing the papers for his and Lucy’s future home that sets his mind at ease. He’s even almost smiling by the time he heads back to the shop, and it’s only partly because he’s going to officially write Officer Janes up and let her see the wrath of Sergeant Grey. 

_________________________

“I’d like to formally request to switch rookies with Officer Wrigley,” Tim says, his lips pulled into a frown and his hands clasped behind his back as he stands in front of Sergeant Grey. 

The older man raises an eyebrow as he lowers the official written reprimand he’s been looking through since Tim handed it to him. 

“Because of the contents of this blue page?”

Tim nods shortly. 

“Yes, sir. I find Officer Janes actions and words to be disrespectful and unprofessional. She has on more than one occasion shown sexual interest in me, and today she took it a step further. It’s all on the shop cams if you need to review it, Sir, but she made inappropriate comments about my and Lucy’s relationship and touched me in an unprofessional way. Nothing that would cause me to make a formal complaint of sexual harassment, but she knows how to skirt the line. I don’t believe continuing with me as her training officer is in either of our best interests.”

Grey hums as he finishes reading the contents of the file, his gaze then flickering toward where Officer Janes is sitting at one of the desks in the bullpen. Tim follows his gaze, frowning when he realizes that Janes is staring right at them. 

She should be cowering, but she’s not. 

She’s even almost smiling. 

What the fuck is her problem?

“I would approve the switch in a heartbeat,” Grey says, breaking Tim from his thoughts. “Except for the fact that, within the next month or so, Officer Chen will be taking over training for Officer Herndon.”

Tim sighs, deflating as he realizes the implications of Grey’s words.

“Which would mean that, if we switch and I take Officer Herndon now, Lucy would be training Officer Janes after she passes her test.”

Grey nods solemnly, crossing his arms over his chest as he glances out into the bullpen once more. 

“The other option, of course, is to wash her out,” he says, and Tim sighs again as he brushes his fingers through his hair. “Are we there yet?”

He wants to say yes, of course, and a few years ago he would have without hesitation. 

But Lucy has had more of an influence over him than he’d ever realized, and he knows that washing her out right now would be harsh. 

“No, sir, not yet. If she continues then yes, in a heartbeat, but the kicker of all of this is she may actually make a good cop. It’s … frustrating that she’s behaving in such a way that her career may be in jeopardy, because with proper training, she could be a good officer.”

Grey drops the file onto his desk and meets Tim’s eyes. 

“Send her in to talk to me, son, and we’ll go from there. If this behavior continues we can either transfer her to an entirely new station or wash her out, but for now, let me try talking to her.”

Tim nods, smirking. 

He’s been on the receiving end of a few of Grey’s “talks” over the years, and he has firsthand knowledge of how listening to Grey yell at you can make you rethink all of your life choices. 

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

He walks out of Grey’s office and turns toward the bullpen, his arms resting on his utility belt as his eyes slowly find Janes.

“Boot!”

She flinches and stands at attention, and Tim jerks his head toward Grey’s office. 

“Sergeant Grey wants to see you, and after you’re done talking to him, you’re desk bound for the rest of the day. Do our paperwork and don’t make a single mistake, or you’ll be jogging behind the shop all day tomorrow.”

“Yes, sir."

Tim watches as she hurries into Grey’s office, and even after she closes the door, he can hear the loud, booming voice of their watch commander as he lays into her. 

He just hopes Grey can talk some sense into her, because Lucy will be doing her week of ride-alongs soon, and if Janes says any of that shit while Lucy is in the shop, Tim will ruin her. 

Chapter Text

Lucy

As Lucy approaches fourteen weeks pregnant the nausea leaves, but in its place comes the irritation. 

Everything irritates her. 

Every. 

Single.

Thing. 

“Celina, please for the love of god, stop.”

Celina looks up from where she’s innocently chewing her pancakes, her eyes wide and her mouth half open from shock. 

(She hadn’t been chewing with her mouth open, of course, because if she had Lucy would have lost it three bites in). 

“W-what?” she asks in confusion, swallowing nervously as she lays her fork back down on her plate. “I’m sorry, what am I doing? I’m sure I don’t mean to. I mean, I know I left my laundry in the washer for a whole day but I rewashed it and it was during my week of night shifts, so honestly I can’t really even be blamed for that. I—”

Lucy sighs and brushes a hand down her face as she repositions on the uncomfortable barstool. 

“I’m sorry, it’s not you. It’s me. I just… nevermind. I’m sorry, I should just go back to my room.”

She points behind her as she bites her lip, almost wishing she did have work today so she could use getting ready as an excuse. But both she and Tim had taken off in anticipation of their prenatal appointment, and now she doesn’t even have a good reason to abandon her roommate who had just been trying to make pleasant conversation with her. 

Celina reaches out before she can bolt, though, her hand settling on Lucy’s arm as she looks at her with concern. 

“Are you okay, Lucy? You’ve seemed kind of… off recently, and your aura… woof. Talk about fluctuation. It’s all over the place! I’d say it’s because of the breakup, but you and Tim seem to be doing well recently, so…”

Lucy grimaces, her eyes not meeting Celina’s as she grapples for an excuse. 

“I…”

Nothing is coming to mind, though, and she deflates as she takes her seat on the barstool again. 

The truth it is, then. 

“I have to tell you something,” she whispers, playing nervously with the string on her blouse as she stares at the countertop. “But you can’t tell anyone. Okay? No one.”

Celina nods, pushing her pancakes away and turning to give Lucy her full attention. 

“I swear on my Abuela’s grave,” she says, her eyes wide and earnest. 

Lucy sighs and sucks in a steadying breath, raising her gaze to meet Celina’s as she whispers, “I’m pregnant.”

Celina gasps, pressing a hand over her mouth as she leans back on her stool. 

“Oh my god, that’s so exciting! I mean, it is exciting, right? If it’s not let me know and I’ll try again. I can react differently if I need to.”

Lucy laughs, some of her tension gone as Celina worries. 

“No, it is exciting. It’s okay, you reacted perfectly.”

“And it’s Tim’s, right?”

Lucy rolls her eyes. 

As if she’s been sleeping around.

“Yes, it’s Tim’s. He knows and we’re happy. We’re … we’re working on it, and we hope to be in a better place by the time the baby arrives. I’m about fourteen weeks, and I have an appointment today.”

Celina squeals and then envelops Lucy in a hug which she happily returns. 

Eventually she pulls back, though, her face concerned again. 

“Okay. What did I do, though, that made you go off? I know pregnancy is hard, and whatever I did, I didn’t mean to. I’ll try not to do it again.”

Lucy giggles, the tension and irritation from earlier completely gone.

“I doubt you’ll be able to keep from doing it again,” she says, blushing as she remembers what Celina had done to irritate her. “Um. You were… you were chewing too loudly.”

Celina looks shocked for a moment and then bursts out laughing, and as Lucy joins her, she realizes that perhaps telling people won’t be so bad after all. 

______________________

“So, Celina knows.”

Tim chokes on the other end of the phone, and Lucy winces as she realizes that he’d probably just taken a sip of coffee. 

“I’m sorry. What?”  

“She was chewing too loudly,” she defends herself. 

“Again: I’m sorry. What?”

Lucy laughs and flops back onto her bed, only one sock on and both shoes still on the floor. She’s been trying to get dressed for the better part of the last ten minutes, but the only thing that fits is a dress and the only shoes that are comfortable are tennis shoes, so it’s been a struggle to mesh the two clothing choices. 

“She was chewing too loudly and the baby is making me cranky, Tim, so I snapped at her. And then I didn’t really have a good excuse and I don’t want her to think I’m an asshole and a terrible roommate, so I … I told her.”

“Oh,” Tim whispers, and Lucy winces. 

“Are you mad?”

“No!” he says quickly. “No, I’m not mad. I’m not mad at all. It’s about time we start telling people, probably. Angela and Grey already know, and now Celina, so…”

“Hmmm,” Lucy murmurs, smiling up at the ceiling as she considers. “Can we maybe have a bar-b-que? At the new house? We could tell everyone then, both about the baby and the house. Plus, it would be fun.”

“That’s a really good idea, Luce. We close in about three weeks. Think we can keep the secret that long?”

“I think so,” Lucy says, though she frowns down at her belly as she considers. “As long as my uniform pants still fit, we can keep it a secret.”

“Surely the baby can’t grow that much in three weeks,” Tim says. 

Lucy chuckles. “You’d be surprised how quickly they grow, Tim. I’m going to get big, and fast. I’ll be a whale before you know it.

“A beautiful whale,” Tim murmurs, and Lucy feels ridiculous that she finds his words endearing no matter how stupid they are.

“You’re going to be at my appointment, right?” she asks, sighing as she sits up to put her other sock on. 

“Of course. I just dropped Janes at the front desk and I’m getting ready to change out.”

“Perfect. I’ll see you there?”

“See you soon, Luce. Drive carefully, okay?”

Lucy rolls her eyes but promises she will, and then sighs as she stares down at her shoes. 

Why is putting shoes on so exhausting? 

She doesn’t know, but she has a feeling it’s going to get much worse in the coming months. 

________________________

“So, tell me more about your emergency room visit.”

Dr. Kovac is scrolling through Lucy’s online chart and pauses when she gets to the entry about her hospital stay. She looks up at both of them before scanning the information that Dr. Patel had put into the computer. 

“We had a scare,” Tim murmurs, and Lucy nods as she reaches for his hand. He’s standing next to her as she sits on the exam table, and she craves the comfort he offers as she talks about what had been one of the most scary times in her life. 

“I was bleeding,” she says, blowing out a breath. “It was a lot but it was over pretty quickly, but I went in anyway. They kept an eye on me for a few hours, but they didn’t see anything concerning so they sent us home. Is… is the baby okay?”

She’s been trying not to worry but she hasn’t been able to help the nagging feeling that something could be wrong, the paralyzing fear that in the weeks since being in the emergency room, her baby’s heart could have stopped beating. 

“We’re going to do an ultrasound today to check,” Dr. Kovac says, smiling as she scoots her rolling chair closer to the exam table. “Normally we don’t do another ultrasound until week 20, but since you had a scare a few weeks ago we’ll do one today to put your mind at ease. And this one won’t even be transvaginal!”

Lucy chuckles as Dr. Kovac motions for her to lay down on the exam table.

“Thank goodness for that,” she whispers, squeezing Tim’s hand more tightly as she scoots up to place her head on the pillow at the top of the bed. 

“Shirt up,” Dr. Kovac directs, and Lucy watches the currently blank ultrasound screen in anticipation as she pulls her blouse up to rest under her breasts. “This will be cold.”

Lucy nods but barely reacts as she squirts the gel on her belly. 

“Is everything else okay?” Tim asks, his free hand resting on the bed by Lucy’s head as he, too, leans toward the screen. 

“All of Lucy’s blood work looked excellent, and she’s gained about six pounds, which is a little more than expected but nothing concerning. You’re in wonderful shape, Lucy, and from what you’ve told me your diet is exactly what it should be. Keep doing what you’re doing and keep taking your vitamins.”

Lucy nods, and then gasps when Dr. Kovac presses the ultrasound wand to her stomach, spreading the cool gel and applying pressure as she flicks the machine on. 

“A little pressure here, Lucy,” she warns, and Lucy nods but pays little attention as she watches grey and black and white flicker around on the screen. She doesn’t know what’s happening or exactly what she’s looking at, but she takes comfort in the fact that she can see movement and what she thinks is her baby’s head. 

“Is everything okay?” she whispers. 

Dr. Kovac is quiet for a long moment. 

Long enough that Lucy can feel Tim beginning to twitch next to her. 

“Doc?” he asks, leaning over Lucy to get a better look at the screen. 

Lucy isn’t one hundred percent sure what she’s seeing, but she can see the rapid beating of her baby’s heart, so she knows that whatever has Dr. Kovac pausing can’t be that bad. 

“It’s…” she says, but she pauses as she moves the wand. “It’s just that… baby seems kind of small, smaller even than noted in Dr. Patel’s file, but… oh.”

“Oh?” Tim asks, his voice slipping into the territory of TO Tim for a moment. “What do you mean oh ?”

Dr. Kovac turns to them with a smile on her lips, her eyes sparkling.

“Look here,” she says, touching the screen and tracing the shape of the baby’s head. “This is Baby A.”

Baby A? Lucy wonders, but she doesn’t have time to be confused before Dr. Kovac is continuing. 

“And this,” she pauses and moves the wand again, and Lucy can see the ultrasound flickering before settling on the shape of a slightly smaller head. “Is Baby B. Congratulations! You’re having twins!”

Lucy gasps and turns to Tim, her eyes wide and her heart thundering. 

Twins? 

She’s having twins?

“Oh my god,” she whispers, and Tim nods but he’s not able to verbalize his response. He’s just standing there, his mouth open and his hand slack in hers. 

Twins.

“Twins?” she asks, turning back toward Dr. Kovac, her voice high and panicked. “Twins? As in two babies that I have to push out of my vagina?”

That finally startles a laugh out of Tim, though he still looks spooked and freaked out as he meets her gaze. 

Dr. Kovac laughs, too, as she continues to take measurements on the screen. “Yes, Lucy. Two babies. Do twins run in either of your families?”

Both Tim and Lucy shakes their heads, though Lucy winces and pauses when she remembers. 

“Um, I don’t actually know? I don’t know my biological father. So… maybe?”

Dr. Kovac hums and then clicks and drags the arrow across the screen, and Lucy turns back to Tim, her eyes sparkling with tears as she glances between him and the screen that shows both of their babies. 

“Is everything okay? Is Lucy okay?” Tim asks, finally finding his voice as his beautiful blue eyes fill with tears. “Aren’t twin pregnancies more risky? Early delivery, low birth weight, and—”

“Tim,” Lucy whispers, squeezing his hand to cut off his rambling. “It’s okay. We’re all okay, right?”

Dr. Kovac turns to look at them, and Lucy hadn’t thought anything about her long silence after asking if twins ran in their families, but now she’s wishing she had. 

“You are perfectly healthy, Lucy,” she says slowly. “And Baby A is measuring right on track, even for a twin pregnancy.”

Tim stiffens, and Lucy feels new tears, different tears, fill her eyes. 

“And Baby B?” she asks, voice low and quiet. 

Dr. Kovac tries to smile but it doesn’t reach her eyes. 

“Baby B has a strong heartbeat. Here, listen,” she murmurs, and with the flick of a switch, the room is filled with the echoing, thump thump thump of a rapid heartbeat. Lucy gasps and closes her eyes, letting the sound wash over her as Tim leans down and presses a kiss to her forehead. 

“But?” Tim asks, and Lucy thanks him soundlessly for asking because she’s not sure she can do anything but listen to the proof that her baby is alive. 

“But they’re measuring a little bit small. Small enough that I’m going to send you for further testing, Lucy. They could just be small because sometimes twins are small.”

Lucy nods, reaching up with her free hand to wipe the tears off of her cheeks. 

“Or?”

Dr. Kovac continues taking measurements on the screen, humming as she types numbers into the computer. 

“Or it could be a case of fetal growth restriction, which is actually fairly common in twin pregnancies.”

She finishes the ultrasound, prints off a few stills for Tim and Lucy, and then hands her a wipe. 

“Here. Clean up, and then we can talk, okay?”

Lucy nods and sits up, watching as Tim wipes the gel from her stomach before he bends down to press a kiss right below her belly button. Her hand slides over where his lips had been, cradling her babies as she reels from the dual realizations that there are two of them and one of them could be sick.

“Tell us,” Tim requests, and Dr. Kovac nods as she flicks through the stills she had taken. She begins to point out the measurements of each baby, and even though Lucy isn’t an expert, even she can see the clear difference in size.

“So, at 14 weeks the fetus should be about 3 to 3 and a half inches long. Baby A is measuring right on track — 3.35 inches from head to rump. Baby B, though, is measuring small at 2.76 inches. Like I said, it could be normal and it’s possible that Baby B will continue to grow and catch up to their sibling by your twenty week ultrasound, but I’d like to do further testing to make sure. I’m going to send you for an ultrasound with one of my colleagues, a specialist in fetal growth restriction, to check on the placenta and blood flow of the umbilical cord, as well as an MRI to make sure there are no structural abnormalities that could be limiting blood flow to Baby B.”

“Okay,” Tim whispers, nodding as he brings his and Lucy’s clasped hands to his lips. He kisses her skin and then holds their hands over his heart, and Lucy can feel the rapid beating underneath her hand as he tries to put on a brave face. “And… and what do we do if it is growth restriction?”

“Well,” Dr. Kovac says slowly as she turns off the ultrasound machine. “There are options and risks that we can talk about if and when my diagnosis is confirmed by a specialist.”

“I want to know,” Lucy whispers, and though her voice is soft it’s resolute. “If you don’t tell me I’m going to go home and google everything and freak myself out. So… please. Just tell us.”

Dr. Kovac sighs but nods as she rolls her chair closer, and though she’s smiling, Lucy can tell that it’s a facade she’s putting on to try and not worry them. 

“Please keep in mind that all of these possibilities are only if we confirm the diagnosis. But basically there are two possible situations — one in which the growth restricted twin is not affecting the healthy twin, and one in which they are. If the unhealthy fetus is negatively affecting the healthy one, we can consider endoscopic surgery to try and correct any abnormal connections between the twins, and if that doesn’t work and the healthy fetus is in danger, we can consider selective reduction. If Baby B isn't affecting Baby A, we monitor you and let them grow as much as possible before we deliver. We will be keeping a very close eye on all three of you, Lucy, and we'll take it one step at a time."

Lucy bites her lip to try and hold back the wave of emotion threatening to overwhelm her. 

She doesn't understand everything that Dr. Kovac had said, but she understands enough. 

Selective reduction. 

“I can’t lose my babies,” she whispers, her voice thick and wet. Tim wraps his arms around her and pulls her close, pressing his lips to her hair as Dr. Kovac smiles encouragingly at them. 

“We don’t even know for sure yet if the fetus is growth restricted,” she murmurs, though Lucy knows it’s highly likely if she’d mentioned it in the first place. “We’ll start with the extra testing and go from there. Try not to fall down the worst case scenario rabbit hole, okay? Take a few minutes to yourselves, and come out when you’re ready. We can schedule further testing with my colleague whenever you’re ready.”

Lucy nods against Tim’s chest, barely noticing when Dr. Kovac stands and leaves the room. 

She’s gone from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows in less than ten minutes and she feels wrecked. 

“It’s okay,” Tim whispers, though Lucy can feel his tears in her hair as he kisses her head and rocks them both back and forth. “It’s going to be okay.”

She sniffles and nods, tightening her fingers in the material of his shirt. 

She only hopes he’s right. 

Chapter Text

Tim

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
Hey, Luce. How are you feeling today?

To: Tim Bradford
From: Lucy Chen
I’m fine. 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
Do you want company tonight? I feel like we
haven’t seen each other all week. 

To: Tim Bradford
From: Lucy Chen
I really need to study. 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
You’ve been studying too hard. You need to
take a break. Let me take you to dinner.
It won’t take all night, so you can take a
break and study. 

To: Tim Bradford
From: Lucy Chen
I’m okay, Tim.
I don’t need to be micromanaged.
I’m fine. 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
I know you’re worried, Luce. I am, too.
I know you’re throwing yourself into
studying to ignore what the doctor said.
But we need to talk about it.
Please?

Lucy doesn’t respond and Tim sighs as he drops his head back on his couch, staring at the ceiling with wet, hazy vision.

She’s barely talked to him since Dr. Kovac told them they were having twins and that one twin could be sick. 

It had been a day of high emotion, and after crying herself out in his arms in the doctor’s office she’d basically shut down. She’d scheduled the follow up appointments with the specialist in two weeks time and was silent the entire drive back to the station where she proceeded to get in her own car and drive home. 

He’s seen her in the hallway at the station a few times since then, but they haven’t talked. 

She hasn’t even acknowledged that they’re having twins. 

Two babies! 

(He knows it’s to protect herself in case something happens to Baby B, but he also knows that they need to talk about it or it’s just going to be one more issue simmering between them). 

He wipes at his eyes and grabs his phone again, his heart racing when he sees a new message from Lucy pop onto the screen. 

To: Tim Bradford
From: Lucy Chen
I don’t know if I can.

He replies with shaking fingers, backspacing and re-typing when he messes up. 

To: Lucy Chen
From: Tim Bradford
I know it’s hard. Don’t you realize
I’m terrified, too? That I can’t sleep?
That I spend every waking moment
scared out of my mind for you and our
babies? Because I do.
I love you and I love them, both of
them, and I’m so scared.
But I can’t do this alone.
I don’t want to do this alone. 

She doesn’t respond and Tim sighs in frustration, tossing his phone onto the couch cushion as he stands and paces the length of his living room, biting his lip until it’s raw and bloody as he tries to hold back the tears. 

Twins. 

He’s having two babies. 

(He hopes he’s having two babies). 

He wants to be excited, ecstatic, even, but he hasn’t been able to feel much other than soul-crushing fear and trepidation because Lucy isn’t talking to him anymore and she broke him, damn it, she’s the one who opened him up to talking about his feelings again and now when he wants to talk she suddenly doesn’t. 

“Fuck!” he screams, and his vision is blurry as he lashes out, his fist connecting with the drywall in his living room. It cracks but doesn’t break, and the pain lacing through his knuckles is sharp and grounding. He hisses and shakes his hand out, and then sighs as he drops back onto the couch, the game he’d put on to try and distract himself with nothing but white noise in the background. 

He checks his phone (nothing) and then drops his head into his hands, and then allows himself a single moment to give in to his worry and fear, the crushing anxiety that’s plagued him since they walked out of the doctor’s office over a week ago. 

________________________

“She won’t talk to me about it,” Tim murmurs, and he shrugs as Lucy shoots him a glare that would bring a lesser man to his knees. 

“I don’t want to talk about how one of my babies may die,” she snaps, and though Tim can hear the pain in her voice, he also hears the anger simmering just beneath the surface.

Dr. Yarrow hums and leans back in her chair, her lips pressed into a thin line as she surveys them. 

“Lucy, I hate to take sides as a general rule, but on this one… I’m afraid that Tim is right. You two need to talk about this, and this is a safe place to do that.”

Lucy stares forward defiantly, tears in her eyes, and Tim hates himself for pushing her but he knows that they need to talk to each other, to share their fears and their worries. Nothing is concrete yet, of course, because their specialist appointment isn’t for another six days, but they need to talk about the what ifs. 

“You’re the one that taught me that it’s okay to have feelings,” he whispers, and he sees Dr. Yarrow perk up at his words but she doesn’t interrupt them. “Lucy, you taught me that it was okay to feel. You taught me that it was okay to be angry at my dad, to not forgive him for what he did to me. You taught me that it’s okay to be sad and to cry, that it doesn’t make me less of a man. You taught me that it’s okay to be vulnerable, to share the weak parts of myself, to let people in. And now… now I’m asking you to share those parts of yourself with me. It’s okay to be sad, Luce. It’s okay to—”

“I’m not sad,” Lucy interrupts with a sniffle as she turns to meet his gaze. “I’m angry.”

Tim swallows. 

“Are you angry at me?”

Lucy bites her red, swollen lip as she considers, but eventually shakes her head. 

“No, not really?” she says, and she sighs as she shrugs, tearing her gaze from his as her tears begin to fall. “I’m just pissed. At everything. And okay, yes, at you. I’m fucking pissed at you for breaking us apart. I’m pissed at you for ruining what was the best relationship of my life. I’m pissed at the universe for giving me these babies and then trying to take one of them away. I’m angry at the fucking station and everyone in it because I was supposed to be a detective, Tim, but now I’m stuck studying for the TO Exam. And it’s a good career path, it’s great, even, but it’s not what I wanted. What I wanted was ripped from me because of an old white man’s fucking ego. I’m fucking mad at Primm, at a system that lets old, white men dictate the entire career paths of good cops. I’m mad at Grey for not going to bat for me and fighting Primm even though I know it’s not fair to be mad at him. I’m mad at Angela and Nyla because they have sway with Detective Caradine but they never even tried, never even said a word to him about me . I’m mad at myself for putting everything on the line for a man who walked away from me. I ruined my career for you, Tim, do you realize that? And then you walked away. You left me. And I know you didn’t ask me to do any of it but I’m mad at myself for believing you when you said we were worth the risk and I’m mad at myself because I’m supposed to be moving on, we are supposed to be moving on, but I can’t seem to.”

Tim sits, frozen, as Lucy’s chest heaves with her rapid breathing. Her cheeks are red and there are tears streaming down her face. 

“And I thought I was moving on,” she says, her voice falling to a whisper as her anger peters out. “I thought we were doing okay. I was… I was happy. Ecstatic to buy a house. Hopeful that we were on the right path. But then we got the news about the babies, and… and it’s like everything I had been working on just crumbled.”

Silence falls for a long moment, a silence that Tim doesn’t even have the first idea how to fill. 

He’s frozen in place, his chest aching and his eyes burning. 

I’m pissed at you for believing you when you said we were worth the risk. 

Oh, god. 

“And I want to be happy, Tim,” she says, her voice a mere whisper now. “I’m excited about being a TO and I’m… I’m overjoyed by the fact that I’m going to be a mom. I just… I don’t know where all of this anger came from but it’s been simmering and…”

She trails off and doesn’t continue even after several long moments. 

Tim doesn’t speak, either. 

What can he even say? 

She’s right, and she’s justified in her anger. 

Dr. Yarrow eventually fills the silence, which Tim is eternally grateful for. 

“Lucy, you just shared a lot of feelings. Very valid feelings. And I want you to realize that healing, moving on, isn’t linear. You were happy last week when you and Tim bought a house. That’s real and valid. Just as real and valid as the anger you’re feeling now. Hurt and healing take time. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon, and that marathon is full of ups and downs. One day you’ll be happy and you’ll think I forgive Tim for what happened. And the next day you’re mad and wondering how you’ll ever move on, how you’ll ever be happy with him again. But eventually the days of anger will lessen. They’ll become more infrequent and the anger will be less sharp.”

Lucy sniffles and nods, and Tim closes his eyes as he breathes in slowly throughout his nose. 

He knows Dr. Yarrow is right. 

He knew the happiness he and Lucy had been experiencing was too good to be true. 

He just hadn’t expected this. 

“The truth is that Tim made a mistake. He hurt you. And he’s admitted and apologized for that, which is the first step. How you react and deal with your feelings is the harder part, because it takes a moment to break what will take years to fix. You will get there if you stick to it, I promise. Keep communicating. Tell him when you’re mad and need space. But at the end of the day, remember the love. Remember that you love him and he loves you, and that you both decided it was worth the work to fix your relationship. And Tim, be patient with Lucy. She’s dealing with both the trauma of having her heart broken and the physical symptoms of a pregnancy. A difficult, high risk pregnancy, at that. Be there, but if she asks for space, give it to her.”

Tim nods, turning toward Lucy with red eyes and his heart on his sleeve, his mind echoing one of Dr. Yarrow’s sentences over and over as he watches her cry beside him. 

You both decided it was worth the work to fix your relationship. 

“Is it?” he asks, and then at her confused look, clarifies. “Is it worth fixing? Do you think we’re worth it?”

Lucy stares at him and for a long moment Tim is convinced she’s going to say no even though they’d just picked out a house a few weeks ago. 

“Yes,” she finally whispers, nodding as she scoots across the couch and throws herself into his arms. “God help me, but yes. Yes it’s worth it, Tim, because you’re the love of my life. You’re the man I’m going to grow old with, who I’m going to raise babies with. And it’s worth the time and effort now, it’s worth the anger and the confusion, everything, because I still want that future with you. I want everything with you, even if it’s hard and confusing and I’m mad at you right now.”

“Okay,” Tim breathes, and then he’s gathering her against his chest, holding her close as they both cry silently. He can feel her tears soak his shirt and he knows she can feel his tears in her hair, but neither of them mention it. 

Eventually they pull back, though they don’t go far.

“Now,” Dr. Yarrow says softly, quietly. “I do think you need to talk about the pregnancy. The twins. And I think it would be beneficial to do it here, in this safe space.”

Lucy nods and reaches for a tissue, blowing her nose and wiping her eyes before curling her feet up under herself on the couch. 

“Okay.”

Tim takes the tissue box from Lucy and cleans his own face before clearing his throat. 

“Do you want to start?”

Lucy shrugs, biting her lip as her beautiful brown eyes slowly fill with tears again. 

Tim takes a deep, steadying breath, and decides to be the brave one this time.

“I’m fucking terrified,” he begins, and Lucy makes a noise of surprise as she turns to him, blue meeting brown as they sit across from each other and bear their souls. “I’m so scared, Lucy, that one of our babies is sick. I was so excited for a few wonderful, amazing seconds when Dr. Kovac told us we were having twins. It was only a moment before she delivered the bad news, too, but in that moment, I planned a whole life. Two little girls, matching outfits, tea parties, everything. And I know what you’re going to say — I can’t know it’s two girls, but it’s what I imagined. And then Dr. Kovac told us that Baby B is too small and we need further testing, and I broke. All of those dreams I had just vanished. So, yeah, I’m scared. I’m so scared, baby.”

“Me, too,” Lucy whispers, wiping her hand across her face before reaching for his hand. He entwines their fingers and holds on tight, her skin against his the only anchor in the storm keeping him from blowing to pieces. “I’m scared, too, Tim, because I did research even though I wasn’t supposed to and we may have to… we may have to choose. To… to terminate one of our babies so the other can thrive, or to choose to deliver early so the smaller twin can get care in the NICU. We may have to make a choice that could lead to our baby's death and how can I live with that? I…  I can’t, Tim. I can’t make that choice.”

“I know,” Tim whispers, nodding as he holds on tighter. “I know, Luce. But we’ll make that choice together if it comes to that. Together, okay?”

He doesn’t have any answers for her. 

He wishes he did. 

But he doesn’t, and all he can do in this moment is reassure her that she’s not alone, that he’s scared, too.

“I’ll give you a moment,” Dr. Yarrow murmurs, and Tim nods as she stands, walking from the room to give them some privacy as they linger in the heaviness of everything they’d laid out. 

“I’m still mad at you,” Lucy whispers, and Tim laughs a little hysterically as he kisses her head. 

“I know,” he says. “And that’s okay. But I love you and we’re going to get through this together, okay?”

Lucy nods and then sighs, pressing her ear over his heart as his hands slide around her waist, settling on her stomach, right over their babies. 

Chapter Text

Lucy

“Tim.”

She pauses him with a hand on his arm and he turns immediately, always so in tune to her, so easily moved by her words and touches. 

He catches her eye and waits, knowing she has something to say. 

“We should… we should keep talking, right?” she murmurs, biting her lip as she drops her gaze to the ground. “About what I said. About being angry.”

She can hear Tim audibly swallow as she reminds him of her little outburst. She wants to feel bad about hurting his feelings, but she doesn’t. It needed to be said so that they could truly move forward. She’s not nearly as angry at him as she is at the entire universe, but it comes and goes in waves and today was a bad day. 

She wants him to know that she doesn’t hate him, and she’s not always that angry. 

“Yeah, we should,” he agrees softly, and Lucy nods as she glances back up and meets his gaze. His blue eyes are still red-rimmed after their intense session and the crying they’d done afterward, but his expression is lighter than she’d expected it to be. Not light, exactly, but not burdened and heavy like she was anticipating. 

“You can come over,” she offers. “Celina is with Aaron tonight playing Dungeons and Dragons, so she won’t be back until some ungodly hour, if she even comes back at all. After… everything that happened, sometimes she just stays in his spare room.”

“Okay,” Tim agrees easily, nodding. 

Lucy knows he’s been wanting to talk to her for days, and he won’t pass up the opportunity to spend time with her even if it’s uncomfortable. “I can grab us dinner, and I have an errand I want to run first. I’ll meet you there in an hour. Thai?”

Lucy’s stomach rumbles excitedly at the idea and she nods quickly. 

“Yes, please. My usual order.”

Tim smiles and reaches out to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Okay. See you soon,” he murmurs, and Lucy nods, watching him for a long moment as he walks around his truck and climbs inside before turning toward her own car. 

An hour sounds like the perfect amount of time to take a nice, long soak in the bath. 

__________________________

There’s a knock on the door just as Lucy is climbing out of the bath. 

“Just a second!” she calls, fighting a smile as she throws on a robe and wraps her hair in a towel. She ties the strings around her waist tightly, making sure that nothing will come undone mid conversation. 

As much as Tim enjoys seeing her whole world, she knows now is not the time or place. 

They need to talk. 

(Even though her hormones have been demanding other things from Tim for weeks.)

“You can use your key, you know,” she murmurs as she opens the front door. Tim grins at her and holds up the various reusable bags in his hands, shrugging as he walks inside. 

“My hands were full,” he says, and then, “And I don’t want to overstep. It’s not the same anymore.”

Lucy closes and locks the door behind him and then turns to follow him into the kitchen, rubbing the towel over her hair as she surveys the bags he’d dropped on her kitchen counter. There’s the promised Thai food, but there’s also a box of her favorite tea that she was running low on, a bottle of alcohol-free wine, and a hastily wrapped box with a bow on top. 

She goes for that first. 

“For me?” she asks, and Tim nods as he reaches out to snatch it up before she can. 

“Yes, but food first,” he says, a twinkle in his eye as he sets the box on top of the fridge where he knows she can’t reach without help. 

She pouts but allows him to dish her up her favorites from their go-to Thai place, and her hunger wins out over her curiosity as the scent of the food reaches her nose. She inhales and then moans, reaching for the plate Tim holds out and digging in enthusiastically as he chuckles and dishes his own food. He puts the wine in the fridge and then joins her on the stool beside her own, watching her for a moment before he begins eating his own food. 

She’s nearly finished with dinner when she’s able to slow down, and she sighs as she drops a hand to her belly, still mostly swollen looking but becoming more and more bump-like every day. 

She won’t be able to claim bloating for much longer. 

People will know soon. 

“I’m not that mad,” she murmurs, sighing as she brushes her hand over her stomach to cup the swell of their babies. 

Tim startles a little bit at the sudden change of conversation but recovers quickly. 

“It’s okay if you are,” he says, shrugging as he places his plate on the counter and turns toward her, giving her his full attention. “What I did was rash and stupid and it hurt you more than I ever imagined. I never wanted to hurt you like that, Luce, but I did because I was hurting and was blind to the devastation my words would cause. There’s no excuse for what I did, but Dr. Keller has been working with me on understanding why I did it, and you need to know that I’m not in that headspace anymore. I hated myself so much in that moment that I was self-sabotaging.”

Lucy cocks her head to the side in interest, always eager to learn more about Tim’s therapy sessions but unwilling to push him to share more than he wants to. 

She knows therapy is private and hard, and that you have to bare and confront the ugliest parts of yourself to begin healing. 

“What do you mean?” she asks gently.

Tim sighs and brushes a hand over his face. 

“Dr. Keller and I have talked a lot about that. About what I think I’m worth and how I sometimes sabotage myself if I find myself doing better or having more than I think I deserve. It’s a defense mechanism, he said. And for a while, before Ray, I hated myself less, so I let myself have more, but afterward the self-loathing was at an all time high. I believed that I didn’t deserve you, I didn’t deserve to be in Metro, I didn’t deserve the support of my friends and family, so I made sure I had none of that. I ruined it all, so that I had exactly what I thought I deserved: nothing. And it doesn’t excuse what I did but it explains it, and now that I understand why did it, why I turned my entire life upside down, it’s easier to keep myself from going to that dark place again. Dr. Keller said I’m making great progress, and … and that if I start feeling like that again, to use the action plan we put in place.”

Lucy reaches out and takes Tim’s hand, holding tightly to it. 

She remembers making her action plan in therapy, back when she’d been buried alive, and again after Jackson had died. 

When you’re at your lowest low, you can’t think straight, and so the action plan had to be memorized and engrained. 

Who do you call? 

Where do you go? 

If you’re a danger to yourself or others, who can help?

“So anyway,” Tim murmurs, brushing his hand across his short hair. “It’s okay if you’re angry at me. I know why you’re mad and I know it’s not because you don’t love me. We’ve talked about that, too, about how I automatically assume the worst when you’re upset. You don’t hate me, you hate what I did, and knowing that helps. I’m mad at myself, too.”

Lucy nods and pulls Tim closer to her by their clasped hands. 

“I am mad. And today I was so pissed, Tim. I was researching about the twins again, and I was alone, and I kept thinking about how things would be different if you hadn’t walked away that night. We’d probably live together by now, what with the babies coming and all. You’d have been by my side in bed while I googled, and you’d have stolen my phone from me and told me to stop worrying like you did when I got stuck by that needle. And as I thought about how things would be so different, not necessarily with the health of the twins but how we’re dealing with it, I got more and more and more mad until I was consumed with it. I walked into that room with Dr. Yarrow primed to explode.”

Tim nods slowly, swallowing as he catches her eye briefly and then looks down. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. 

Lucy doesn’t tell him it’s okay or that there’s nothing to apologize for, because there is, but she does climb off of her chair and lean her head on his shoulder. 

“You’re here now, and the anger is fading.”

Tim breathes a sigh of relief and wraps his arms around her. They stay there for a long moment, him sitting on the high island stool and her standing between his spread thighs, leaning her head on his chest.

Eventually, though, Lucy can’t help but become distracted by the gift sitting on top of the fridge. 

Tim is so good at giving gifts, and she’s curious about what he got her this time. 

Tim notices where her gaze is and chuckles, pulling away so he can stand and grab the gift. He holds it out to her but doesn’t hand it over. 

“This may produce mixed feelings,” he murmurs, and Lucy nods as she waits, confused but willing to hear him out. 

“How so?”

“Open it,” Tim encourages. 

She takes it and pulls at the bow with shaking fingers, her stomach in knots as she lifts the lid. 

Inside is a folded baby onesie, off white and covered in little red and grey roses. 

It’s simple and sweet. 

“What…?”

Tim reaches over her shoulder and pulls the onesie out, and Lucy sees that, underneath it, is a second one that looks exactly the same. 

She whimpers, her heart constricting. 

They don’t even know if they’ll be bringing home two babies. 

“We don’t have anything for the babies yet,” he whispers, laying them both flat on the counter and then producing the matching bows sitting in the bottom of the box, smoothing them down carefully with his large, rough fingers. “And we don’t know if they’ll be girls, but just as I believe with my whole heart that we’re having two precious baby girls, I believe that we’re bringing two babies home from that hospital. I don’t… you know that I don’t put a lot of stock in superstition and feelings, but Lucy, I can see it. I can see our future so clearly, and in it we have two babies. Two perfect little girls with your skin and my eyes. And… and I wanted to gift you my hope, because I know this is hard but I believe and I want you to believe, too.”

He presses his lips to her hair as he finishes talking, his arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her to him before resting his large palms over her belly. 

Eventually Lucy turns around in his arms, sniffling as she meets his gaze with watery brown eyes.

“You’re really good at giving gifts, you know,” she says, smiling despite the emotion in her eyes. 

Tim chuckles. 

“Only for you.”

“This may top all of the rest,” she says, eyeing the two onesies on the counter. “You’re giving me your hope, Tim. That’s…”

A little corny, she thinks. 

But very sweet.

“I don’t know what those tests will show next week,” he says, his face soft as he holds her. “But I’m going to do everything humanly possible to make sure both of those little babies come home with us. No matter how much money it costs, no matter what.”

Lucy sighs and nods, pressing her ear over his heart again. 

“I’m not quite so mad at you anymore,” she murmurs, and he laughs again as he tucks her head under his chin. “Damn you and your charm.”

“There’s always tomorrow,” he promises, and Lucy giggles a little bit, too. “Give it time, baby. Give it time.”

Somehow, though, Lucy thinks she won’t be mad at him tomorrow, either. 

Chapter Text

Tim

“That’s all. Be safe out there today. Oh, and Officer Chen? Sergeant Bradford? Will you hang behind for a moment?”

 Tim glances over at Lucy but she just shrugs as she grabs her coffee and weaves her way through various officers to reach the front. Tim is already standing in front of Grey when she falls into step beside him, and he chances one more confused glance at her before addressing Grey. 

“Sir?”

Grey finishes organizing his files on the podium and turns to them. 

“Good morning,” he greets, offering them a quick smile before he glances over their heads to where Officer Janes is standing by the roll call room door, the amusement melting off of his lips as he addresses her. “Officer Janes? Go set up your shop. Your TO will be there in a moment.”

She scurries away and Tim just barely holds back an eye roll. 

Grey watches her go and then turns back to Tim, raising an eyebrow. 

“How is she doing?”

Tim sighs and shrugs, his hands falling to his utility belt. “Better since we last talked,” he says, though that’s not saying much. “What do you need us for, sir?”

Grey’s lips twitch back into something resembling a smile as he turns back toward the two officers. 

“Officer Chen,” he says, and Tim feels Lucy stand at attention next to him as Grey addresses her. “Your TO Exam is in a week. How are you feeling?”

Lucy swallows and nods nervously as her hands flail in the air in front of her before folding together over her belt. “Um. You know, about… about as good as-as I can feel, I think? I only had a month to study, but I’ve had Tim quiz me and he says I’m ready, so…”

“Good. That’s good. If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know.”

Lucy smiles. “Yes, sir.”

“I do think it would be beneficial to have some on-the-job experience before the test, though, and it will definitely help with the oral portion of the exam, which is why I had you and Tim stay behind this morning. How would you feel about doing a few of your TO shadowing days before your test next week? I know you have some experience with helping train Officer Juarez, but I think a few days shadowing Tim would be helpful.”

Lucy turns to Tim and he shrugs, his lips curling into a small smile as he nods minutely. 

It would be beneficial, he thinks, and he’s glad that Grey had thought of it. 

The only thing he’s wary about is having Lucy and Officer Janes in the same vehicle for a twelve hour shift. Janes has been more professional recently, though — she hasn’t tried to talk about his personal life even once since he wrote that blue page on her. 

Still, though. 

He’s apprehensive about what the young rookie might say while Lucy is in the shop with them.

“I— that would be wonderful, Sir. Thank you,” Lucy says, and Grey smiles as his posture relaxes. 

“Good. So, you’re with Bradford today, then. Observe and learn, but if you see a teachable moment and want to step in, speak up. This road to becoming a TO is very untraditional, and while I have no doubt in your abilities, you’re receiving far less training than most of our training officers, Officer Nolan not included of course.”

Tim suppresses another eye roll at that. 

He doesn’t think the man should have gotten a golden ticket in the first place, but then he goes and uses it on being a training officer? 

Tim loves the job, he does, but it’s not golden ticket worthy. 

“Thank you, sir,” he says, and then he’s pressing his hand lightly to the small of Lucy’s back to guide her out of the roll call room. 

“I’m excited,” Lucy whispers once they’re out of Grey’s ear-shot, turning to grin up at him with sparkling eyes. 

Tim chuckles and turns to stare down at her as they walk, his expression far softer than he normally allows himself within the walls of Mid-Wilshire. 

“Yeah? A few days ago I wasn’t sure that this was something you really wanted to do.”

Lucy pauses them in the middle of the bullpen, her hand on his arm as she catches his eye. 

“It’s true that it wasn’t my first choice,” she murmurs. “But those things I said in Dr. Yarrow’s office, you have to realize that I was angry, Tim, and I sometimes say things in anger that aren’t the whole truth. I was mad, yes, and becoming a training officer wasn’t my first choice, but it’s a noble job and I know it’s not forever. It’s for now, until Primm retires or until I move divisions or until I retake the Detective’s Exam in two years. Everything I said that day is true, but it’s not the whole truth, so if… if I said something that you want more clarification on, please ask me. I don’t hate the idea of becoming a training officer, I’m just frustrated because it’s not what I originally wanted.”

“Okay,” Tim whispers, nodding as he glances around them. He sees Officer Janes in the distance watching them from the equipment counter, but other than that, they haven’t drawn the attention he’d feared. “I may take you up on that later. I may ask you about… about some of the things you said the other day. But for now, we should…”

He points toward the shop and Lucy nods, dropping her hand from his arm as they continue walking. 

Officer Janes notices them and hurries toward the shop, opening the passenger door and climbing inside just as they enter the garage. Tim glares at the passenger side and opens the door before snapping, “Back seat, Boot!”

Lucy rolls her eyes playfully and smacks him on the arm. 

“I’ll sit in the back, Tim. She has to learn and I’m just along to observe.”

Tim stares at her and then his shocked boot before sighing and slamming the passenger door. He opens the back door of the shop and watches as Lucy climbs inside and makes herself comfortable, and then walks around to the driver’s side. 

“Sir, what is—” Officer Janes begins, but Tim cuts her off. 

“Officer Chen is joining us today to shadow me as a TO. She is taking the exam next week and it’s one of the requirements. You will address her as ‘Ma’am’ or ‘Officer Chen’ only, got it?”

He glares in a way that he hopes communicates that she should not, under any circumstances, try and bring up their personal lives, what she had seen that day at the cafe, or what she’d overheard when he’d taken that phone call from Hollie. 

“Yes, sir,” she says, though Tim catches her eyeing Lucy in the rearview mirror as he pulls the shop out onto the streets. Her eyes are squinted and her lips are pressed in a thin line, and if he didn’t know better, he might think that Janes doesn’t like Lucy. 

Which is an absurd thought, really, because the two women have barely even met. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Lucy says, smiling as she leans forward in her seat. There’s a metal grate between the front and back because they hadn’t known in advance that she’d be with them, otherwise Tim thinks she might have stuck her hand out to shake or even gone in for a hug because that’s just the kind of person she is. “Tim tells me you’re going to make a really good officer one day.”

She conveniently leaves out the part where Tim had said something along the lines of if she can get her head out of her ass long enough to get through her rookie year, that is. 

He doesn't bring it up, though.

Janes smiles, glancing between Lucy and Tim. 

“Really? Because he’s kind of …”

She trails off and Lucy laughs, and Tim’s frown deepens because he does not need these two bonding. 

“Oh, he’s really just a big softie,” Lucy says, shaking her head, and Tim growls as he turns to meet her gaze in the mirror. 

“Quit spreading misinformation, Officer Chen,” he snaps, trying his best to look annoyed. 

Lucy gives him a look, though, one that’s full of sass and challenge, and Tim can’t help the quick quirk of his lips. 

“There’s nothing soft about him,” Janes mutters, and Tim knows he wasn’t meant to hear it but he does and the tips of his ears turn a light pink. 

Lucy laughs and leans back in her seat, happier than he’s seen her since their last disastrous appointment at the OB’s office. 

__________________________

They make it through two calls before he can hear Lucy’s stomach rumbling, and he sets a course for Nevin’s without thinking too hard about it. 

Lucy hasn’t been able to eat first thing in the morning since the morning sickness began, and while she’s mostly over that (thank god), she still isn’t able to eat without discomfort before ten in the morning. 

It’s eleven-fifteen now, and he knows she must be starving. 

“Watch the shop, Boot,” he snaps at Janes, not bothering to check and see if she’s following his order as he climbs out. He opens the back door for Lucy and they walk inside Nevin’s together, and he smirks as he hears her groan of appreciation as the scents of the coffee shop wash over them. 

He orders their coffees quickly and then tells the teenager behind the counter to add on whatever Lucy picks out from the pastry cabinet. She glances over and mouths thank you, and then, when she sees only two coffees on the counter, scoffs. 

“Get something for Officer Janes, Tim. If you’re not going to let her come in and order for herself, you have to bring something to her.”

Tim grumbles but reluctantly adds on a third coffee, plain with sugar and cream because he doesn’t know what Janes likes, and then pays for the coffees and the croissant and donut Lucy picks out. He adds on a donut of his own and then takes the bag he’s handed, tossing it to Lucy immediately because he knows she’s going to want to eat at least part of it right away. 

Growing two brand new humans is a lot of work and he knows that she needs to be upping her calorie intake in the second trimester. 

He can’t do much to help with the actual pregnancy, but he can make sure she’s fed and happy. 

She’s already munching on her chocolate croissant as they climb back into the shop, and if Tim weren’t so busy digging through his glove compartment for her Lactate so she doesn’t end up with a milk-induced stomach ache later, he might have been able to stop what happens next. 

“Are you sure you should be eating all of that?” Janes asks, raising an eyebrow as Lucy sets the bag of donuts on the seat beside her, chocolate croissant already half gone. 

Lucy makes a confused noise as she licks chocolate from her lips. 

“What?”

Janes points to the bag and then the croissant that Lucy is still holding. 

“I mean, I wouldn’t, but I’m watching my weight. Taking care of my body is important to me.”

Tim slams the glove box with more force than necessary, turning his fiery gaze on Janes as he clutches the package of Lactate in his hand so hard that some of the plastic shell casings pop open. 

“I…” Lucy begins, lowering the croissant, her gaze falling for a brief moment. 

Tim is going to kill his rookie. 

“I’m just saying, you’ve put on a little weight around the middle since I started here. You should watch what you’re eating.”

Janes sits back in her chair and sips her coffee nonchalantly, and Tim stares at her, fire burning through his veins as Lucy deflates a little bit in the backseat. 

“Officer Janes,” he says, and he’s proud of how even his voice is as he turns to speak to her. 

He doesn’t feel calm, but he’s glad to know he can still fake it when it counts. 

“Get out of the shop. Right now.”

Officer Janes turns to him, confusion painted across her face as she licks a drop of coffee from the edge of her coffee cup, eyes wide and portraying too much innocence to be anything but deceitful. 

“What?”

“I said,” Tim begins, but he feels Lucy’s fingers poking through the metal grate of the shop and touching his neck before he can continue. 

“I’ll deal with this,” she murmurs, and though Tim wants to tear into his rookie he nods, forcing himself to stay in his seat. 

Lucy can fight her own battles. 

He breathes in through his nose and out through his mouth, and then turns to watch as Lucy addresses his rookie. 

“Like Sergeant Bradford said, out of the shop, Boot. I’d like to have a word with you outside.”

Chapter Text

Lucy

After Officer Janes closes the door of the shop, Lucy takes a moment to breathe. 

In. 

Out. 

In. 

Out.

“I’m going to fucking wash her out,” Tim growls, and the situation is so absurd that Lucy has to choke back a laugh as she brushes her fingers along his hairline through the grate of the shop. 

“Write up a blue page on her,” she murmurs. “For inappropriate behavior and unprofessionalism. Let Grey deal with it.”

Tim grumbles under his breath some more, and Lucy steels herself as she opens her shop door, brushes crumbs of chocolate croissant off of her uniform, and then rounds the shop until she’s face to face with a nervous looking Officer Janes.

She meets her eye, unwilling to back down, and clears her throat. 

“I don’t know what kind of superior officers you had in the Academy,” she begins, and she’s proud of how steady her voice is. “But here in the LAPD, we don’t think it’s cute or funny to be insubordinate. What you just did, what you just said to me, goes beyond unprofessionalism.”

“Ma’am, I—”

Lucy doesn’t let her finish. 

She holds up a hand to halt the Rookie, and then rests both hands on her utility belt, right over her (yes, somewhat larger than normal, but she’s growing not one but two babies, for goodness sake!) stomach. 

“Forgetting the fact that we’re on duty, that I am your superior, and that Tim and I are in a personal relationship that you know about, what you did was disrespectful and despicable, speaking as one woman to another. What right do you have to comment on my body? What right do you have to police what I eat? What right do you have to presume you know my life, my medical situation, or anything else about me?”

Janes swallows, her expression twisted into something between chagrin and annoyance. 

Lucy isn’t anywhere near finished, however. 

“You know nothing about me. You don’t know that I haven’t eaten since yesterday afternoon because I’ve been sick to my stomach, the fact that I was so hungry you could hear my stomach echoing in the shop, or the fact that I’ve struggled with eating and body image issues since I was a child due to my overbearing parents critiquing everything I ate. I’m in a good place now, but if I were weaker and as insecure as you seem to be, your little comment could have put me in a bad place. Your words were disrespectful and horrifyingly inappropriate. They were meant to hurt me, to shock me, and I can’t possibly think of what I’ve done to make you dislike me this much since you’ve been here.”

“Officer Chen—”

Lucy shakes her head, though, her eyes fiery as she watches the blonde rookie squirm under her gaze. 

She’s thoroughly worked up now, and she has just a little bit more to say.

 “All I can think of is the fact that you have, on multiple occasions, come on to Sergeant Bradford in a sexual manner despite the fact that he’s made himself perfectly clear that he’s not interested in you that way. The only thing that makes sense is that, because we’re in a relationship, I somehow threaten you. I don’t know if you’re trying to drive a wedge between us or make him think that you’re a better choice than me, but all you’ve accomplished is earning a second blue page and losing Sergeant Bradford’s respect. Calling me fat and telling me that I should watch what I eat when I’m pregnant and one of my babies is already too small is—”

Lucy doesn’t realize what she’s said until she hears and registers Officer Janes’ gasp of surprise interrupt her little rant. 

Oh. 

Oh fuck. 

She winces and lets her eyes flutter closed for a brief moment, running her own words over in her head and trying to decide if she can spin them as a joke or take them back.

When I’m pregnant and one of my babies is already too small…

She sighs and drops her head, ignoring the elephant in the room so that she can finish her dressing down of Tim’s rookie.

“I’ll be filing a complaint and Sergeant Bradford will be writing you up. Again. A third blue page is cause for being dismissed from the program, so watch yourself Officer Janes, or your career is going to be over before it even begins.”

She turns and stalks away, her palms sweaty and her heart racing.

Shit. 

Not only had she just told Officer James she was pregnant, she’d even revealed it was twins. 

God. 

“You okay?”

Tim’s soft murmur breaks her from her thoughts as she climbs into the back passenger seat, Officer Janes still standing in shock outside of the shop. 

“I was,” she whispers, shaking her head as she buckles her seatbelt with trembling hands. “I worked myself up into a pretty good rant before accidentally revealing that I’m pregnant.”

Tim’s wince is audible and Lucy nods as she catches his eye in the mirror. 

“Yeah. So…”

Tim flexes his fingers on the steering wheel as he watches Lucy pick up her half eaten chocolate croissant and munch at it half heartedly. 

“Well I’m sure she deserved every word you said to her,” Tim says, his voice low and comforting. “And we’ll deal with the other thing. I’ll tell her she’s not allowed to say anything. Grey already knows, so if she tries to use it to get us in trouble or something…”

Lucy nods as Tim trails off, and they both turn to stare at the Rookie in question as she finally opens the passenger door and climbs back into her seat. 

She doesn’t apologize, not that Lucy had expected her to. 

Tim, apparently, had. 

“Two things, Officer Janes. Number one, you will not be repeating any new information you learned today or I will wash you from this program quicker than you can even blink. Secondly, isn't there something you’d like to say to Officer Chen?”

Lucy stares at Janes and chews very pointedly on her croissant. 

She’s not ashamed of being hungry and eating something that both nourishes her and her babies and tastes good, and fuck Officer Janes for making her feel like she should be ashamed of enjoying her breakfast. 

Officer Janes clenches her jaw and turns toward Lucy in the backseat. 

“I apologize, Officer Chen, for being unprofessional,” she forces out. 

Lucy smiles tightly as she finishes her croissant. 

“Think before you speak next time,” she says, glaring pointedly right at the Rookie. “It may just keep you from getting fired.”

__________________________

Their next call is routine but the one after that is the one that effectively ruins Officer Janes’ career. 

“7-Adam-100, this is Dispatch. We have a 211 in progress near your location at the gas station on Jackson and Anders. Please respond.”

Tim reaches for the radio, his eyes flickering to Lucy’s in the backseat as he speaks. 

“This is 7-Adam-100, show us responding. We’re two minutes out.”

“Proceed with caution, 7-Adam-100, reports of shots fired at your location.”

Tim’s jaw clenches as he flips on the lights and sirens, his hands flexing on the wheel as he glances back at Lucy. 

She knows he wants to tell her to stay back when they get there, but she also knows that he’ll never actually ask. 

“Vests,” he murmurs as he slows to a stop a few meters away from the gas station. He turns off the light and sirens and opens his door, moving quickly and quietly to the back to hand out the tactical vests from their war bags. He double checks Lucy’s and then catches her eye, and she can see the fear in them plain as day. 

“I’ll keep back,” she murmurs, reaching out to touch his arm. “I’ll let you and Janes take point. I’ll provide backup and cover fire if necessary.”

“Thank you,” he whispers fiercely, and Lucy is shocked when he reaches out to cup the back of her head and press a forceful kiss to her forehead. 

She knows there’s so much more to be scared for, now. 

It’s not just her. 

It’s her and their babies. 

She knows that he could lose all three of them in one terrible accident, so while she knows he’d never ask her to stay back, offering to do so is the easiest thing she’s ever done. 

Tim stares into her eyes for one more, long second, and then he turns to Janes, communicating silently and efficiently that she should cover the back and he’ll take the front. Lucy watches as Janes nods and they both take off, feet light and silent as they run to press against the gas station wall. 

“Police!” Tim calls, announcing himself as he reaches the edge of the stone wall. “Show yourselves!”

Lucy watches in trepidation as Tim sticks his head around the corner to quickly take stock of the situation before pressing back against the wall. He signals her and she nods, sliding around the other side of the shop so that she has a better view. 

Two inside, one armed. 

No hostages that she can see. 

“Show yourselves, or we’re coming in!” Tim calls again, and Lucy swallows, her eyes darting between where he’s pressed against the wall and where she can see Janes at the back of the gas station. 

This could go badly so quickly, she knows, and her heart is in her throat as Tim holds his weapon out and rounds the corner. 

It’s over quickly after that, the two men inside giving up after Tim knocks one of them against the wall and disarms him. 

Janes comes around the side and begins cuffing them, and Tim deflates as he turns to signal to Lucy that it’s okay for her to approach. She reaches for her radio as she does, calling it into dispatch because they’re going to need additional shops to transfer their prisoners. 

“Dispatch, this is 7-Adam-100, we are code four. We have two in custody. We need two additional shops to our location as ours cannot carry passengers today.”

“Copy, 7-Adam-100. We have additional shops headed your way.”

Tim kicks one of the weapons away from the first suspect as Lucy enters the gas station, her eyes sweeping the perimeter as she takes in the damage. 

“Was anyone hurt? Where is the owner?”

Tim shakes his head. 

“No, it appears the owner ran. It was nice of them to let him go. Lots of property damage, but no injuries.”

One of the men scoffs and Tim kicks him in the boot. 

“We ain’t tryin’ to hurt anyone, man!” he cries, shaking his blond, floppy hair out of his eyes as he struggles against his cuffs. He’s the younger of the two, and definitely not the brains of the operation if Lucy has to guess. “We was just tryin’ to make some cash, you know?”

“Shut up, Liam,” the older one growls, and Tim raises an eyebrow as he surveys them. 

Janes finishes cuffing them and comes around to stand next to Tim. 

“What do we do now, sir?”

Tim raises an eyebrow. 

“I don’t know, Boot. What do we do now?”

Lucy has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. 

Janes is silent for a moment and then says, “We make sure the scene is secure and call for additional units or an RA if needed.”

“Is it needed?”

Janes shakes her head. “No, sir, no major injuries were sustained during the take down. So we call for additional units to transfer them and then write it up back at the station.”

Tim nods, his own eyes roaming the room. 

“Is the scene secure, Officer Janes?”

Janes is nodding without looking around, opening her mouth to verbally tell Tim that, yes, it’s secure, when the older of the two men wrenches his hands out of his too-loose handcuffs and lunges for the gun that’s only a few feet away from him, the one that Tim had kicked away from the blond boy. 

There are two shots in rapid succession before Tim makes it to him, and while the man is crying out in pain from the likely broken wrist that Tim has just given him, Lucy is left gasping as white hot pain slices through her shoulder. 

Her vision swims from the pain and she drops heavily to her knees as she feels blood, warm and thick, pouring from the new hole in her uniform.

“Tim,” she whispers, and he turns, eyes widening as he takes in the way she’s pale and shaking, blood pulsing through her fingers and trailing down her arm, blending in with the black of her uniform sleeve until it reaches her wrist and stains her palm. 

Shit, that’s a lot of blood. 

Is there a major artery in her shoulder? 

She knows she should know, but everything is a bit fuzzy right now.  

“Tim,” she gasps again, and then she’s pitching forward.

“Lucy!”

She doesn’t remember hitting the ground. 

Chapter Text

Tim

The first thing Tim feels is panic. 

Blinding, all consuming panic that causes fire to race in his veins and his feet to freeze to their spot. 

Lucy. 

Oh, god. 

“LUCY!”

He drops to his knees beside where she’s fallen, his hands pressing over the rapidly bleeding wound in her shoulder. She cries out in pain when he applies pressure, but he shushes her as he quickly assesses the situation. 

There’s an exit wound on the back of her shoulder so it was through and through, but he knows that if she’s bleeding this much and this quickly that the bullet probably hit the artery and likely the bone. 

She’s going to need surgery. 

She’s pregnant, he reminds himself, and he has to furiously blink away tears as he turns back to yell at Officer Janes. 

(The second thing he feels is anger, but it’s slow to build around the fear overtaking him). 

“Call for an RA, right now!”

Janes scrambles for her radio as Tim pulls Lucy’s head into his lap, pressing harder on her wound even though it makes her cry out and try to push his arms away with weak hands. 

“I’m sorry, baby,” he whispers, his fingers trembling as he tries to stem the flow of blood. “I’m so sorry I’m hurting you, I’m so sorry, but I have to. I have to keep it from bleeding.”

He knows the statistics, and he knows that, based on the location of the gunshot wound, it’s likely her axillary artery that was hit. 

Without intervention she could bleed out within minutes. 

Officer Janes finishes calling for an RA and then drops down beside him, her hands hovering uselessly in the air over Lucy’s prone body. 

“H-How can I help?” she asks, her voice quiet and shaky. 

Tim’s gaze snaps to hers, tears blurring his vision as his fingers slip through Lucy’s thick, warm blood. 

“You could have done your fucking job in the first place and tightened the cuffs appropriately!” he yells, his voice cracking as he gives into the anger for one brief moment. He pushes it down ruthlessly, though, because there will be time to yell later when Lucy is in the hospital receiving the care she needs. “Get me the medical kit, now. We need… I need the Celox granules immediately.”

Janes nods and pushes off of the ground, running toward the shop as Tim turns his attention back to Lucy. 

She’s staring up at him with big, wet eyes, tears streaking down her cheeks as he hurts her to help save her. 

“Hurts,” she moans, and he nods, swallowing thickly as he holds pressure with one hand while tearing at the already ripped fabric of her uniform top with the other. 

He needs access to the wound, to her skin. 

“I know,” he whispers. “I know, baby. I promise that the ambulance will be here soon and they’ll make it stop hurting. But I have to do this, Luce. I have to keep your blood inside where it belongs. You and the babies need it, okay?”

Lucy nods but moans in pain as Tim pulls on her uniform top again.

He needs access to her skin so he can apply the Celox when Janes gets back. 

“JANES!”

She skids to a stop beside him, opening the medical kit in such a hurry that supplies scatter across the floor of the gas station, but Tim doesn’t care. He sees the granules he needs and reaches for the package with his free hand, using his teeth to tear it open. 

“Hold on, Luce,” he murmurs, and she nods as he takes his hand off of the wound, his heart nearly stopping when he sees how much blood wells up as soon as he removes the pressure. He quickly applies Celox to the front of her shoulder, and then helps her rise into a sitting position so he can do the same to the back. Once applied, he tears open a package of sterile gauze and presses it over her wound, packing it in as tightly as he can before pressing his hands front to back, holding the Celox granules and gauze in place. 

“Just hang on,” he begs, and Lucy nods weakly as she drops her head to his shoulder. 

He can hear the sirens in the far distance and counts down the seconds until they arrive, his heart in his throat and his fingers stained with Lucy’s blood. 

The ambulance and their backup arrive at nearly the same time, and the EMTs swarm quickly as the responding officers haul the two robbers from the floor of the gas station. 

Tim recognizes Officer Jan and pulls him to the side, wincing as he leaves blood behind on the man’s arm. 

“Bag the gun,” he croaks, his voice hoarse as he stands to walk beside the stretcher they now have Lucy strapped to. “It’s evidence. And bring Officer Janes and our shop back to the station. She’s not to go anywhere or do anything until I talk to Grey. Nothing, do you hear me? She’s to stare at a fucking wall and not say a word until I make my official report.”

Officer Janes swallows nervously, but Tim doesn’t give her even a second glance as he runs to catch up with the EMTs as they load Lucy into the ambulance. He climbs in beside them and takes Lucy’s hand as they close the rear doors, and then the ambulance is roaring off, lights and sirens blaring as they race toward St. Stephens Hospital. 

“Good job using the Celox,” the EMT murmurs as he begins inserting an IV into Lucy’s left arm, tossing the trash and medical waste to the floor without care as a second EMT finishes inserting a second access IV into the crook of her right elbow. “She likely would have bled out if you hadn’t thought quickly.”

Tim nods, only half paying attention to the young man as he begins pushing medicine through the IV. A clotting agent, Tim knows, to help stop the bleeding, and probably something for the pain as well. 

“She’s pregnant,” he whispers, though he knows that they’re going to have to take the risk and give her the medications that will save her life regardless. “About 17 weeks, twins. High risk pregnancy.”

The EMT nods and turns to his partner, murmuring something in a low voice as he flushes Lucy’s IV. 

“We’ll note it in her file, but she’s going to need surgery,” he says, nodding toward the wound. “Based on the amount of bleeding and where she was hit, it’s likely that her axillary artery was nicked, though of course the doctor will be able to tell you for sure.”

Tim nods and then brings Lucy’s limp hand up to press his lips to her knuckles. 

“Luce,” he murmurs, but she doesn’t respond. 

She’s barely conscious, he knows, and she's saving all of her strength to stay awake and alive. 

“We’re almost there, baby,” he whispers, his eyes welling up with tears once more as he feels the ambulance slow down as they approach the ambulance bay. “You’re gonna be okay. You have to be okay, understand me? I need you. I need you and our babies. Two little girls, remember? You have to be okay so I can say I told you so when they’re born.”

He lets out a soft, watery chuckle, and then closes his eyes, taking a deep, steadying breath as the EMT stands and opens the back of the ambulance. 

She’s going to be taken from him, he knows, and the thought nearly sends him into another panic spiral. 

“Sir,” the EMT murmurs, and Tim nods as he squeezes Lucy’s hand and then leans down to brush his lips against hers. 

“I love you,” he whispers, and then she’s gone, taken from him and the ambulance, whisked away into the life-saving surgery he knows she so desperately needs. 

He’s left alone, covered in her blood and wondering if his entire world is about to be taken from him. 

_______________________

Grey finds him as he’s trying desperately to scrub blood from underneath his fingernails. 

It’s hard to see, though, because his eyes are so blurry with tears. He knows he’s missing a lot of the blood but he can’t clear his vision long enough to make sure he’s gotten it all. He’d long ago thrown his uniform top and vest away and borrowed a pair of scrub pants from one of the passing nurses. The skin under the scrubs is covered in blood that had seeped through his uniform, and he knows what he needs is a steaming hot shower, but he refuses to leave until Lucy is able to leave with him. 

“Tim,” Grey murmurs.

Tim turns, his blue eyes swimming with emotion, and tries to smile. 

He ends up sobbing, though, and Grey sighs as he pulls him into his arms, hugging him so tightly that Tim fears he may break. 

“I can’t— I can’t lose them,” he cries, and Grey nods as he cups the back of Tim’s head and tucks his face into his shoulder. 

He hasn’t been held this way since he was a small child, and while part of him wants to pull away and pretend that he’s fine, that he’s strong, he finds that he doesn’t have the energy or the will to do so.

He craves the comfort that Grey officers, and so he allows himself to break down in the arms of a man he considers more of a father figure than his own ever was. 

Grey holds him until he runs out of tears, and then helps him finish scrubbing blood from his arms.

“It’s going to be okay,” he murmurs. 

He doesn’t say she’s going to be okay, Tim notes, though he doesn’t call the older man out on his choice of words. 

Instead he lets Grey lead the way into the waiting room, and Tim’s breath catches when he sees all of the people gathered for Lucy. 

He always knew she could draw a crowd. 

She has so many people who love her, he knows, and his heart won’t be the only one that’s broken if she doesn’t pull through. 

She’s going to pull through, he tells himself. 

He takes a shaky breath in and then lets himself be enveloped by all of the people who love Lucy. 

Angela first, and then Nyla. 

John. 

Juarez. 

Officer Jan. 

Aaron. 

Grey.

They’re all in uniform or have badges clipped to their clothes. They’d likely all come in from patrolling, and while Tim knows they won’t be able to stay, he appreciates the gesture. 

He knows Lucy would appreciate the gesture. 

Will appreciate the gesture, that is, because he’s going to tell her about it when she’s out of surgery, when she wakes up. 

(When, not if ). 

“Thank you,” he murmurs, his voice hoarse and thick. “I’ll keep everyone updated as soon as we know something.”

Their friends nod and thank him, and there’s another round of hugs before first Nolan and Celina and then Angela and Nyla peel off from the group. Officer Jan and Aaron are still sitting in the uncomfortable hospital chairs, though, and Tim knows that spending your lunch break in the hospital isn’t a glamorous choice but he appreciates the support. 

Grey, too, doesn’t leave. 

“Thank you, sir,” he begins, clearing the emotion from his throat as he turns to address his boss. 

He feels naked in just his white t-shirt and the borrowed scrub pants, and he shuffles nervously as he meets Grey’s eye. 

“I—”

The words of gratitude freeze in his throat, though, when a movement out of the corner of his eye catches his attention. 

Another officer. 

(He can tell from the uniform). 

Janes. 

All of the thanks and gratitude he’d been feeling only moments before evaporate at the sight of her, and he turns, his chest puffing and his vision blurring with anger as he stalks toward her. 

“Tim,” Grey murmurs in warning, but Tim brushes his hand off of his arm as he invades Janes’ space and glares down at her, his blue eyes fiery, his hands clenched into fists at his side. 

(He’s never punched a woman before, but today might be the day). 

“What the hell are you doing here?” he growls, and to her credit, Janes shrinks back, trying to put some space between them as he towers over her. 

“I… I wanted to check on Lucy,” she says. “Like everyone else.”

Tim sees red. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” he growls, stepping even further into her space until she’s backed up against the wall, her eyes wide with fear. “You don’t deserve to be here. You are the reason she’s hurt, Officer Janes, because you failed to clear the scene correctly. And I do not give a shit that you’re a rookie, properly tightening handcuffs is one of the first things you learn in the academy. It is something every single rookie knows before they step foot inside of their station, and you will not get a pass because this is your probationary year. You are done, do you hear me?”

Officer Janes whimpers, her green eyes wide and beginning to fill with tears. 

Tim doesn’t give a shit. 

“You are finished, Janes. You will never, ever, be a cop. To fail to secure a scene like that on top of the way you’ve treated both me and Officer Chen, is too heinous a mistake to be forgiven. She could die, Janes. She and my babies could die and it will be your fault.”

Tears begin to slip down Janes’ face, but Tim pays them no mind.

Feeling sorry for her actions after the fact will do Lucy no good. 

“You were distracted going into that call because you were being unprofessional and inappropriate, and Officer Chen already had to talk to you. But failing to properly secure those handcuffs could cause the LAPD to lose one of their finest officers and could cause me to lose the love of my life. And if she dies, Officer Janes? I will ruin you.”

Janes lets out a soft sob as Tim turns and stalks away, emotion rising so fast inside of him that he knows he’s going to break down again. 

He stalks toward the men’s bathroom, slamming the door behind him as he presses his back to the wall and begins to cry 

Chapter Text

Tim

It takes three hours and seventeen minutes (and a handful of seconds, but Tim can’t count those or he’ll truly lose it) for the doctor to come through the swinging double doors and ask for the family of Lucy Chen.

Tim stumbles to his feet, ignoring Angela (the officer currently on Tim-Duty, though there’s been a rotating cast for the past several hours) as he stumbles toward the young surgeon. 

“I’m … it’s me,” he says, tripping over his own words as he runs his hand through his already messy hair. “I mean, I’m her medical proxy, and… and her boyfriend. Tim Bradford.”

The surgeon flicks through his iPad and then nods, satisfied, as he meets Tim’s eyes. 

He offers him a small, encouraging smile, and Tim feels his heart racing as he waits. 

“She made it through surgery,” the doctor begins, and Tim relaxes so suddenly that his knees buckle and it’s only Angela’s hands on him that keep him from collapsing to the ground. His ears are ringing and his eyes, bone dry for the past several hours, begin to water again. 

“She’s … she’s okay?”

The doctor makes a noise and some of Tim’s relief evaporates as he shakes his head and makes a face. “She’s not out of the woods yet, no, but she’s stable for now. We’re going to keep her in the ICU overnight and then possibly transfer her to the floor tomorrow. The surgery went about as well as could be expected. We had to transfer three units of blood because of the volume she lost, but we repaired the damage to her clavicle and stop the bleeding. She has both internal and external stitches, but our main concern right now is her blood pressure. It tanked during the operation and we struggled to bring it back up, and she’s still hovering at 70 over 50. We won’t transfer her to the floor until it’s stable.”

Tim nods, trusting Angela is listening for all of the details because he can barely think past she’s stable. 

“And the babies? Are they… are they okay, too?”

The surgeon nods. 

“Both are stable right now. We have her on continuous monitoring to keep an eye on them because one of the fetus’s heart rates dropped during surgery. It’s back up now and we expect everything is stable, but we’ll keep monitoring her for at least 24 hours.”

Tim nods and then stumbles backward, hands reaching out behind him to grip onto the handles of one of the waiting room chairs before he drops heavily into it. 

“Oh my god,” he whispers, dropping his head into his hands as the dam breaks and he begins sobbing once more. 

He’d spent the last three hours imagining the worst case scenario (a world in which he loses Lucy and their babies) and now that he realizes he doesn’t have to live it, he feels weak and shaky. 

The surgeon flips through Lucy’s information on his iPad and continues talking as Tim tries to get himself under control. 

“We’re setting her up in a room now and she can have visitors soon, though we don’t allow overnight visitors.”

Tim scoffs. 

“Yeah, that’s not a thing. I won’t be leaving her.”

Angela reaches out and squeezes Tim’s shoulder. 

“It might be a good idea to get some rest and take a shower,” she murmurs softly, but Tim shakes his head. 

“No. I’m not leaving. I won’t get in the way and I won’t cause trouble, but I’m not leaving.”

The surgeon sighs as he tucks his iPad under his arm, his eyebrow raised in amusement.

“I’m just her surgeon, Mr. Bradford. You’ll need to take that up with the floor nurses. They can be mean and I’m not about to get on their bad side because they can make my life and my job very difficult.”

Tim glances up, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “It’s Sergeant Bradford, and I’m more than happy to get on their bad side. Can I see her yet?”

“Not yet I’m afraid. They’re settling her in and because it’s right at shift change, they won’t accept any new visitors until they’ve given report. They’ll come get you when she’s ready, but for now, sit tight. It could be a few hours. The cafeteria is on the first floor but I recommend the coffee shop across the street for caffeine because the stuff here is awful.”

Tim nods and thanks him and then drops his head back against the wall, his eyes fluttering closed as the surgeon walks away.

Now that he knows Lucy is okay, that the babies are okay, everything else that’s fucked up in the world begins to try and crowd out his worry for most pressing issue. 

Janes. 

Revealing the pregnancy in front of Officers Thorsen and Jan.

Janes. 

He has to make an official report, he knows, and probably be interviewed by IA to begin the process of terminating his rookie. 

Shit. 

“I need to go to the station,” he whispers, though the thought almost makes him physically sick. 

He can’t leave Lucy. 

He can’t. 

Except he has to. 

“I’ll stay,” Angela murmurs softly as she sits in the chair next to him and presses an encouraging hand to his arm. “There’s a chance you’ll be back before they even allow visitors, anyway. Take care of what you need to take care of, and then come back. She’s okay, Tim, and she’s not going anywhere.”

Tim nods and swallows, and then glances down at the blood still underneath his fingernails. He can feel it pulling at the skin and hair under his scrubs, too, and he knows he needs a shower before he sees Lucy. 

She shouldn’t have to see her own blood all over his skin. 

“Thank you,” he whispers. He stands and then leans over Angela, cupping her head in his large hands and pressing a grateful, overwhelmed kiss to her forehead. 

He doesn’t know how he landed her as a best friend, but he would be honestly lost without her. 

Angela smiles and then waves him off, making a show of settling into the chair and pulling out her phone as if Tim had doubted for even a second that she would leave before he comes back.

He stares at her for a long moment and then at the double doors he wishes he could just barge through, and then turns and stalks off down the hall, already creating a mental to-do list in his head so that he can get back to Lucy as soon as possible. 

______________________

After what is possibly the hottest, fastest shower of his life during which he scrubs at least two layers of skin off, Tim dresses in the extra clothes from his go bag, bribes a female officer into getting Lucy’s from the women’s locker room, and then walks with a purpose toward Grey’s office. 

“Oh, good, IA is already here,” he says, nodding as he closes the door behind himself. “Sir, I’d like to officially request that Officer Janes be removed from the FTO program due to repeated unprofessional and careless behavior. She’s put the lives of multiple officers at risk, and I think she should be terminated before lives are actually lost.”

Grey raises an eyebrow and temples his hands under his chin as he leans back in his chair. 

“Come on in, Sergeant Bradford,” he says, and Tim almost smiles at the dry sarcasm. 

He had barged in without knocking, and he wants to feel at least a little bit bad but he doesn’t. 

“Sorry, sir,” he says, his expression chagrined as he clasps his hands together and stands a little straighter, feeling underdressed in jeans and a henley while both Commander West and Grey are in full uniform. “I apologize for interrupting.”

Grey waves a hand in the air. “It’s fine, son. IA Commander West is here because of the situation today, actually, so it’s actually good that you’re here. We were going to call you soon, but this is better.”

Tim nods, turning his attention toward Commander West as he clears his throat. 

“Sir, I will be making an official report as soon as I’m able to, but Officer Janes has shown a pattern of disrespect and careless behavior, and I would like to terminate her position with the LAPD.”

Percy West raises an eyebrow as he regards Tim. 

“I heard about what happened today, Sergeant Bradford. How is Officer Chen doing?”

Tim swallows and resists the urge to slide his gaze away from West’s and toward the ceiling. He blinks back the emotion threatening to overtake him and takes a moment to center himself before nodding. “She’s out of surgery, sir. Stable but still in the ICU. The surgeon said her blood pressure is dangerously low and they’re going to keep her in the ICU until it comes back up, but … but she’s alive and she’s stable.”

West nods and Tim can see the relief flood the older man’s gaze as he processes Tim’s words. 

He can’t imagine how Commander West had felt when he’d lost Jackson, and he knows the man thinks of Lucy like a daughter, too. He knows Lucy still has dinner with the whole family at least once a month, and he realizes not for the first time that he’s not the only one whose heart would have been broken if she hadn’t pulled through. 

So many people love Lucy. 

She’s like the sun in the middle of the universe, all the other planets revolving around her and basking in her light, and Tim knows that, if her light had gone out, a dark shadow would have fallen over Mid Wilshire.

“That’s… that’s good,” Commander West finally says, and Tim nods as he swallows past the lump in his throat. 

“Yes, sir, it is.”

Commander West nods again and then motions for Tim to take one of the seats in front of Grey’s desk. He does, watching with trepidation as Commander West sits beside him. 

“Unofficially, tell me what happened today as well as about any past incidents,” he requests. “I’ll wait for your report before doing anything official, but I’d like to know what we’re looking at here.”

Tim nods and blows out a breath as he tries to remember all the way back to the first time Officer Janes had acted in an unprofessional manner. 

“The first incident was within her first week as my rookie. She acted in a way that was distinctly unprofessional, though it would be difficult to prove. We weren’t on the clock and it was in the station elevator, which has video footage but no audio. She came on to me but I turned her down and made it clear her behavior was unprofessional.”

Commander West nods but doesn’t interrupt, and Tim mentally runs through the various shifts he’d spent with Janes. 

“The second incident was during shift so there’s body camera footage. She came onto me again and made unprofessional comments about my and Officer Chen’s relationship and touched me in an unprofessional manner. I wrote a blue page on her that time, which is in her file. The third and fourth incidents were both in a single shift, today actually, and…”

He pauses and breathes slowly through his nose, trying to control the panic and nausea welling up inside of him as he thinks about the incident at the gas station today. 

She’s fine, he reminds himself. 

She’s stable. 

The babies are stable. 

Everyone is okay. 

But he has to do this because next time, someone might not be okay. 

“The third and fourth incidents were today,” he continues, his voice low and emotional. “Officer Chen began shadowing me today as she’s… well, at least she was going to take the TO exam next week. I guess… well, that may not happen. But anyway, she was with us. We stopped for coffee and pastries, and when we got back in the shop, Officer Janes made several rude and unprofessional comments to Officer Chen. They exited the shop and Officer Chen put her in her place. I was planning on writing a second blue page for unprofessional behavior, but before I could, we were called to a 211 at a gas station. We responded, took out the suspects, and I told Officer Janes to secure the suspects. She cuffed them both, and then I was quizzing her on whether or not the scene was secure. While I was doing that…”

He trails off, pausing again and fighting the bile that rises in his throat when he remembers how Lucy had called out for him before falling, bleeding… 

“She failed to tighten the cuffs on one of the suspects and he broke free, grabbed a gun, and shot Officer Chen. I subdued him and then provided first aid until the ambulance arrived. Her … her careless behavior nearly cost Officer Chen’s life, and I don’t believe that she could continue being an officer.”

Commander West studies Tim carefully when he finally falls silent, his lips pressed into a thin line and his eyes stormy and worried. 

“How much of this can be backed up with body cam footage?” he asks. 

Tim frowns and considers each incident carefully.

“Most of it except for the first incident in the elevator,” he says. “Why, sir?”

Commander West blows out a breath and brushes his hand over his hair, turning to meet Grey’s gaze, his own grim. 

“Because as of an hour ago, Officer Janes has also filed a formal complaint against you and Officer Chen for mistreatment due to your personal relationship. She’s claiming she’s been unfairly punished and discriminated against, and we have to investigate.”

Chapter Text

Lucy

Lucy wakes to pain. 

It’s not the pain she passed out to, though, and she’s thankful for that. 

This time, it’s a deep, aching pain, a pain that seems to come from her very bones, and she groans as she pries her eyes open only to be met with bright, blinding lights. 

“Ouch.”

There’s a chuckle from her right, and then suddenly Tim is in her view, blocking some of the harsher lights from her vision. He’s smiling but his eyes are wet with unshed tears, and it looks like he hasn’t shaved in a few days. 

Lucy smiles and brings up her good hand to brush along his chin, sighing happily when she feels the stubble underneath her fingertips. 

She secretly loves Tim with a little bit of stubble. The salt and pepper hairs do something to her, plus an unshaved Tim is a relaxed, lazing-around-home Tim, and that’s her favorite Tim. 

“Hey, baby,” he murmurs, reaching up to cover her small hand with his own. He entwines their fingers but leaves their clasped hands on his face, turning so that he can press a kiss to her palm. “You scared the shit out of me.”

Lucy laughs and then immediately regrets it, the deep-seated ache in her shoulder spreading out to the rest of her body. She moans, her eyes slipping closed as she tries to fight back tears. 

Tim immediately drops her hand and reaches for the nurse call button, and before she knows it, there’s something rushing through her IV and everything feels wonderful. 

“Love you,” she mumbles, and then she’s falling back under, the darkness taking her once again. 

______________________

It’s not until the next time she wakes up that she remembers the babies, and her second awakening is filled with panic. 

Tim is there (of course he’s there, he always is) and he tries to calm her down as she screams and cries, her fear blinding her to everything else.

She realizes later that part of her meltdown is medication induced, but in the moment all she can do is cry and scream, her words unintelligible as she tries to ask about her babies. 

Her babies. 

“It’s okay, Luce. You’re okay,” Tim murmurs, but Lucy sees the tears in his eyes and she doesn’t know if they’re because she woke up screaming or if there’s something worse. 

Did she lose one of the babies? 

Did she lose them both?

“Tim!” she cries, her voice wet and frantic, her fingers digging into his skin as she tries to pull him closer. She can see the marks she’s leaving, her nails digging so deeply into his skin that some of them are even bleeding, but she can’t stop. 

She can barely breathe.

“You’re okay,” Tim whispers again, both hands cupping her face as he stares into her eyes. There are tears making their way slowly down his cheeks, and Lucy wants to brush them away but she can’t pull her hands from his biceps, can’t make herself do anything, can’t breathe. “You’re okay, Luce. The babies are okay, see?”

Lucy makes a pained noise, a broken, shattered sound, but lets Tim move her head to the side until she’s staring at a monitor, two unique hearts beeping steadily, separate from her own.

Beep. Beep. Beep. 

Oh. 

Oh. 

This time her tears are tears of relief as she drops her hands from Tim’s biceps to her belly, her barely-there belly, cupping her babies as she listens to the sweet, sweet sound of the monitor beeping steadily, the babies heart rates not in sync but no less beautiful because of it. 

“They’re fine,” he murmurs again, dropping his lips to her forehead as she watches the monitors jump in time to her babies hearts, her vision blurry as the panic recedes. “They’re okay. You’re all okay.”

Lucy sniffles and nods, one hand leaving her belly so she can wrap it around Tim’s where he’s still holding her face. 

She watches the monitor until she blacks out, the pain receding as a nurse pushes something into her IV, and this time, she welcomes the darkness. 

______________________

The third time she wakes up is far less dramatic. 

It’s slow, like a lazy, sleepy morning with Tim, the light filtering in through the window less harsh than before. It’s muted, the sun either going down or coming up, and the lights in her room are low. 

Tim is still there, of course, holding her hand, but this time, he’s asleep, his head on her hip and his large body contorted in a way that she knows must be uncomfortable. 

She doesn’t wake him, though, because she can see the worry lines on his forehead and the exhaustion in his face. 

He likely hasn’t slept since she’d been brought in, and uncomfortable or not, he needs the rest. 

She watches him for a long time, her pain muted enough that she can rest without needing intervention this time. Her shoulder aches, of course, but it’s not the deep-seated ache of before, the ache that made her nearly vomit with pain. 

I was shot, she remembers, and she sighs as she slides her hand over her belly.

She’s going to be out for several weeks, and then on desk duty after that. By the time she’s allowed back in the field, she’s going to be too big and miserable to patrol effectively. 

She’s going to have to wait to take the TO exam. 

Or, if Grey will let her take it next week anyway, she’ll have to wait to be a TO. 

Tears spring to her eyes as she realizes that, once again, her plans are being put on hold. 

Her life is being put on hold. 

Twenty-three more weeks of pregnancy, if she can go all the way to her due date, and then another twelve weeks or more of maternity leave. 

Almost nine more months before she can even think about being a TO. 

It’s frustrating. 

She doesn’t regret her babies, of course, but she feels defeated. 

It seems that, no matter what she does, her dreams are always crushed, ruined. 

First being an undercover cop and detective. 

Now being a TO. 

It seems that no matter what she aims for, she fails, and it’s hard not to take it personally after so long. 

Her mom had said she would fail. 

Maybe she should have listened. 

By the time Tim begins to stir and eventually wakes up, Lucy is crying silently, her hands balled into fists, her lip bitten until it’s red and swollen. 

“I’m mad,” she whispers when he gives her a concerned look, straightening up with a wince to scoot closer to her side. “No matter what I do, I fail. I failed at becoming an undercover cop. I failed at becoming a detective. I failed at becoming a TO. I failed in our relationship. No matter what I do, I fail, Tim. I just… god, why can nothing in my life go right?”

She wants to scream and throw things and maybe even storm out dramatically, but she’s even failing at that. 

She can’t even get out of bed. 

Tim’s expression is shattered, though he tries to hide it as he climbs onto the bed behind her and pulls her into his arms. He’s careful of her shoulder, immobilized and in a sling, as he tucks her head into the crook of his neck and lets her cry. 

The pain in her shoulder pales in comparison to the pain in her heart, anyway, because god, she just keeps failing. 

“You did not fail any of those things, Lucy,” he murmurs, his lips pressing to her hair as he pauses before continuing. “You did not fail in our relationship, I did. You didn’t fail becoming an undercover cop or detective, either. That was, again, because of me.”

“Because of Primm,” Lucy hisses angrily, because that at least wasn’t Tim’s fault.

“Because of Primm and me,” he murmurs, tightening his arms around her. “And you didn’t fail at becoming a TO, Lucy. I won’t let you fail. Grey will let you take your test next week, I’ll make sure of it, and once these babies are here safe and sound, I can stay home with them while you go become a kick ass TO. Getting shot doesn’t mean you failed, Lucy. I failed you. Janes failed you. But you didn’t fail.”

Lucy sniffles and feels a little better as she burrows further into Tim’s arms. 

He’s warm and comforting, and she’s missed him holding her like this, tucking her entire body into his and surrounding her in a way that makes her feel safe. 

“You’d really stay home?” she asks eventually, the fingers of her good hand playing with the material of Tim’s henley. 

Tim nods and presses his cheek to her hair. 

“Yeah, I would. I’ve been thinking about it, actually,” he murmurs. “You’ll need to take twelve weeks, minimum, to heal from the birth. But after that, I can take a turn. It’s high time you had a chance to show everyone at the station what a badass you are. I can stay with the girls until they’re old enough for daycare.”

Lucy bites her lip and purposely doesn’t tease Tim about his steadfast belief that both of their babies are girls. “I don’t want them going to daycare until they can talk,” she whispers, though she knows it’s a huge ask. 

Tim would be home with them for a year, at least, if not two.

“Yeah?”

She nods slowly. “Yeah. Until they can tell us if something is wrong, or if something happens, I don’t want them with anyone but friends and family.”

She’s heard horror stories. 

She’s responded to horror stories of babies being abused and hurt in daycare, unable to speak or advocate for themselves. 

“I know it’s a long time. You probably don’t want to stay home that long.”

Tim’s heart beats reassuringly under her ear as he taps his fingers against her back. 

“It’s longer than I was envisioning, yeah. But… I don’t hate the idea. I’d make a pretty hot stay at home dad. DILF, I think it’s called?”

“Yeah?” Lucy asks, her lips curling into a smile as she giggles. “Have dinner ready when I get home? Rub my feet?”

Tim chuckles. 

“Whatever you want, babe.”

They’re silent for a long time until Lucy pulls back to meet his gaze. 

“What’s a DILF?”

Tim’s cheeks redden as his gaze slides away from hers. 

“I think it’s ‘dad-I’d-like-to-fuck,” he says, his lips curling into a smirk as he meets her eyes again. “You can thank Angela for that one.”

Lucy hums and presses her hand over his heart, a smile playing at her lips as she eyes him up and down slowly, her lip between her teeth. 

“I can’t argue with that one,” she whispers, and she’s known Tim long enough, has been with him long enough, to see the heat in his eyes. 

They haven’t even talked about taking that step in their relationship again, but she’s been silently fantasizing as the pregnancy hormones have ravaged her body. 

She wants him. 

He is a dad she’d like to fuck. 

“As soon as your arm is better,” he promises, his voice rough, and Lucy giggles as she buries her face in his chest. 

“Promise?”

Tim nods, his hand sliding away from her back to cup her cheek as he guides her eyes back to his. 

“I swear,” he murmurs, his voice dripping with heat and want as he stares at her unflinchingly. 

She has to break their gaze eventually, though, because she’s in actual danger of pushing him down onto the bed and climbing him like a tree, injury be damned, and besides, she’s too dizzy. 

Falling off of the bed and hurting her other arm while in the hospital would be mortifying and she doesn’t think she’d ever live it down. 

“Get some rest,” Tim murmurs, feeling the shift in her body language as she melts into him. “Your pressures are still low and I know you must be tired. I’ll be here when you wake up. We have a lot to talk about later.”

Lucy yawns and nods, closing her eyes as she relaxes her body against him. 

She wants to ask Tim what they need to talk about, but before she can, she’s drifting off into a dreamless slumber. 

Chapter Text

Tim

Lucy wakes up for a fourth time just as the sun is setting, and Tim smiles as he brushes his fingers through her hair. She stirs slowly, making sleepy little noises and shifting in the bed like she does when she wakes up in the morning. 

She’s always fought waking up, and it makes Tim smile. 

It’s one of the things he loves about her, how she sets four different alarms so she can turn them off and go back to sleep, how she moans and begs for just five more minutes when her final alarm goes off and he tries to bribe her out of bed with kisses and pancakes.

“Hey,” he murmurs, pressing his lips to her temple as she finally blinks her eyes open. 

“Hi.”

Her voice is hoarse and he can tell immediately that she’s in pain, so he hits the nurse call button silently as she licks her dry lips. 

“Water?”

Tim hums and reaches out for the white Styrofoam cup on her bedside table. He angles the straw so she can slide it between her lips, and holds the cup steady while she takes small, slow drinks. 

Once she’s done she collapses back against him, tired from the simple movement. He continues to scratch his fingernails across her scalp as she relaxes against him, shifting occasionally from the pain.

The nurse enters the room just as Tim is about to go and find one, and he breathes a sigh of relief as she walks over to them. 

“Hey. Someone called?”

Tim nods. 

“She’s in pain. Can she have more pain meds yet?”

“She can have a little bit,” the nurse says, smiling as she logs into the computer to order the medication. “We’re trying to keep her on the lowest possible dose so that we can taper off easier once she no longer needs it.”

“I’m okay,” Lucy whispers, pressing a hand over her belly. “I don’t want to hurt the babies.”

The nurse smiles at her reassuringly. “It won’t hurt them, hon. The main risk is withdrawal and we plan on tapering you off completely before you leave us. We’ll have you switched to Tylenol soon, but you need a few days of the good stuff to heal. Toughing it out isn’t any better for the babies. If you’re stressed, they’re stressed.”

“Oh,” Lucy whispers, and she sighs as she slumps back against Tim. 

The nurse nods and logs out of the computer. 

“I put the order in, and someone should be here soon with something to help you feel better. Ring if you need anything, hon.”

Tim and Lucy both nod and thank her, and then they’re alone again. 

They lay together in silence until Lucy finally whispers, “You said we needed to talk?”

Tim sighs and slides out from behind her, rearranging her blankets and tucking her in before perching on the side of her bed. 

He wants to be able to see her face for this. 

“Yeah,” he murmurs. “A lot… a lot happened. How much do you remember before you got shot?”

Lucy bites her lip as she thinks, her face screwed up in concentration and confusion. 

“Not much,” she finally admits. “I remember staying back and then approaching the scene when you said it was clear.”

Tim nods, swallowing thickly as he remembers the events that had led to the shooting. 

He wishes he could go back in time and tell Lucy to stay where she was. 

He could have prevented her getting shot, if only he’d known. 

“Officer Janes failed to secure the suspect correctly,” he says, brushing a hand over the stubble on his jaw as he glances at Lucy’s thickly wrapped and immobilized shoulder. “The cuffs were too loose. He got free, got the gun, and got two shots off before I disarmed him.”

Lucy’s expression slowly morphs from confused to angry, but she doesn’t speak. 

“I went to Grey and asked to have her removed from the FTO program. Commander West was already there. He…”

He trails off and swallows, blowing out a breath as his eyes wander the room. He doesn’t want to tell Lucy this part, not after she’d just had a breakdown about everything she feels she’s failed, because what if this is just one more thing? He knows her, and he’s afraid that she’ll blame herself for Officer Janes being distracted and sloppy. 

“What, Tim?” Lucy murmurs. 

She bridges the space between them and takes his hand into hers, brushing her thumb over his knuckles as he slowly returns his gaze to hers. 

“He told me that Officer Janes had already submitted a complaint. Against… against us.”

Lucy’s confusion is back, but this time it’s mixed with disbelief and anger. 

“On what grounds?” she growls, sitting forward quickly. She winces when her shoulder is jarred, and then moans as she presses a hand to her forehead, slumping back against the bed as her vision spins. “That’s bullshit, Tim, and surely Commander West and Sergeant Grey know that. She has no ground to stand on, she’s just trying to salvage her career. What a bitch.”

Tim cracks a small smile as Lucy rants, chuckling as her cheeks redden from frustration. 

“That’s exactly what she’s doing, but unfortunately IA is required to investigate, anyway. I didn't want to tell you, but… Commander West said he was going to come see you later, both to see how you’re doing and take your official statement about what happened. But… I wouldn’t worry too much, Luce. We have body cam footage to back up what happened. We have never been unprofessional while on duty, at least not to any level that would get us in trouble. Bantering and sass aren’t discipline worthy.”

Lucy snorts and shakes her head as she massages her temples with her free hand. 

“This is so stupid. She’s been coming on to you for weeks, has been unprofessional multiple times, and fucked up badly today. Or, wait. Was it yesterday? God, how long have I even been out?”

Tim smiles and rests his hand on her thigh. 

“Yesterday. You slept through the day and night and most of today, too.”

Lucy groans and Tim sighs. 

“That’s not all, though.”

“What else could there possibly be? I was shot and Officer Janes is somehow trying to make it my fault.”

“I…” Tim winces, licking his lips as he remembers how he’d shouted at Officer Janes in earshot of both Officers Jan and Thorsen. “I may have outed us. About the babies, I mean. I didn’t mean to, but Janes came into the hospital before we heard anything and I kind of lost it on her. I yelled. A lot. And there was something in there about the babies, and I know they heard but neither one of them has said anything.”

Lucy moves her hand from her face so that she can meet Tim’s eyes. 

“Oh. Well, that’s not that big of a deal. We were going to tell them soon, anyway, and both Jan and Aaron know how to be discreet. They’ll probably wait until we say something to bring it up.”

“At this point, it’s probably a running joke that we think people don’t know,” Tim grumbles, chuckling lightly as he begins ticking names off on his fingers. “Grey knows. Angela, too, and Celina and Smitty. Smitty alone has probably told four-fifths of the station. It’s gonna be like when we finally told people that we were dating.”

Lucy snorts inelegantly. 

“ ‘We know.’ I mean, they could have at least pretended to be surprised.”

“Is this supposed to be news?” Tim says, a near perfect imitation of his best friend. “God, Angela was insufferable for weeks.”

Lucy giggles and meets Tim’s eyes as she lays her hand over her stomach. The bands wrapped around her belly get in the way as Tim places his hand over hers, warm and secure over their babies. 

“It’s okay if they know. I want them to know, you know?”

Tim nods slowly. 

He wants people to know, too. 

He’s proud and excited for his babies and he can’t wait to show them off. He’s going to parade them around the station and make everyone admire how perfect they are, how wonderful Lucy is for giving him such a gift. 

He is going to be the insufferable one this time. 

“Well, I’m glad you’re not mad at me,” he murmurs. “I was worried because I knew you wanted to tell everyone at a barbecue at our new house.”

“Mmmm,” Lucy hums, smiling as she turns her head and catches Tim’s eye. “I did. I do. But if they know, they know. We can just celebrate the babies and the house and us at the barbecue instead.”

“That sounds good,” Tim says, watching as Lucy wiggles a little to get more comfortable. She winces when she moves her shoulder, and he wishes there was something he could do to take away her pain but he knows there’s not. 

He’s still staring at her, his eyes soft and his stomach warm and swirly with everything he feels for her, when there’s a knock on the door, and their happy little bubble is popped in mere seconds when he glances up to see Sergeant Grey and Commander West standing in the doorway.

“We come bearing gifts,” Grey says, and Lucy chuckles weakly as she smiles at them. First Grey and then Commander West give her careful side hugs, and then they’re presenting flowers and cards and various, small gift bags. 

“Everyone at the station wanted to send something,” Grey tells her softly.

Lucy nods, overcome with emotion as they surround her in the physical proof of how much she’s loved. 

Gift cards and teddy bears and handwritten cards and even a soft, fuzzy blanket to keep her warm.

“Tell them thank you,” she whispers. 

Grey promises he will, and Tim steels himself as Commander West takes over the conversation. 

“I wish we were just here to deliver gifts,” he begins, and Lucy sighs as the smile slips from her lips. 

“I know. Tim told me,” she says. She reaches for the controller to her bed and raises herself up until she’s mostly sitting. Tim re-tucks her blankets around her body, knowing she’ll likely get cold if she doesn’t have them, and then perches on the edge of her bed, his hand settling over hers where she’s picking at a loose thread on her sheet. 

“Officer Janes is filing a formal complain against you and Tim for unprofessional behavior, basically stating that she’s being unfairly treated due to your personal relationship,” Grey murmurs, crossing his arms over his chest as he watches them. “Which we all know is bullshit.”

Commander West sends him a sharp glare, and Grey chuckles as he shrugs. 

“It’s true and you know it. You just can’t say it because your IA.”

West doesn’t confirm nor deny Grey’s statement, but his lips do twitch as if he’s trying to hold back a smile. 

“She wrote in her report that she forgot to tighten the handcuffs because she was ‘distraught’ by you yelling at her because you were jealous of how Tim interacted with her.”

Lucy rolls her eyes. “That’s not true and the body cameras will back me up.”

“Janes' body camera was off,” West says. 

Tim’s jaw clenches. 

“That should be another mark against her,” he says, frowning.

“There’s nothing in the regulations saying it has to be on at all times,” Grey supplies. “Just when you’re responding to a call, and she turned it on as soon as dispatch contacted you.”

“But mine was on, right?” Lucy asks, her voice small. 

If it wasn’t and they can’t prove what was said… 

“Yes,” Commander West confirms, nodding. “Yours was on the whole time. We’ve already reviewed the footage.”

“And?” Tim asks.

Commander West raises an eyebrow. “You know I can’t reveal that, Sergeant. Our investigation is ongoing. I’m here today to hear Lucy’s side of the story about the conversation between her and Officer Janes as well as her version of the shooting.”

Lucy sighs and takes a few slow, deep breaths as she tries to recall all of the details. 

“It started out like a normal day,” she begins, licking her dry lips as she speaks. Tim reaches for her water cup without being asked, letting her take a few slow sips before continuing. “We responded to a few calls with no incident, and then Tim noticed I was hungry and we stopped for coffee and pastries. Tim and I went inside while Janes waited in the shop. When we got back I was eating my chocolate croissant and Janes said something along the lines of ‘are you sure you should be eating that’ and then told me I’d gained weight. I told her to get out of the shop and we had a conversation where I told her that her words were inappropriate and unprofessional. I may have gotten a little heated, but I did not verbally abuse her. After that we got back in the shop and then received the call for the robbery. When we got there, I decided to stay back because of reports of gunshots. I was only supposed to be observing and I’m pregnant, as you know. I determined the risk wasn’t worth it and offered cover fire. After Sergeant Bradford subdued the suspects I approached. Officer Janes was cuffing the two men at that point. Shortly after, one of the men broke free and I was shot. That’s all I remember.”

Commander West nods, his face solemn as he brushes his hand over his chin in thought. 

“Your story matches Sergeant Bradford’s as well as the video camera footage, so I don’t believe that Officer Janes will have a leg to stand on for that portion of her complaint.”

Tim’s head snaps up. 

“Excuse me? That portion of her complaint? What else is there?”

Grey sighs and drops into one of the chairs beside Lucy’s bed, rubbing a hand across his bald head. 

“Officer Janes amended her report this afternoon, said she was too scared to come forward before now.”

“About what?” Lucy asks, voice incredulous. 

“She reported that, on more than one occasion, Sergeant Bradford indicated that she would score better on her evaluations if she were to do him… favors.”

Tim’s jaw drops open and Lucy lurches forward in the bed, groaning as pain explodes behind her eyes. 

“He would never!" she cries, her voice distraught. "There’s no proof! Tim would… he wouldn't do that!”

Tim swallows and presses his heels into his eyes until he sees stars. 

Fuck. 

He’d had a bad feeling about this woman since the first day. 

He should have said something. 

“I would never,” he whispers incredulously. 

Even when he’d been half in love with Lucy during her rookie year, he would have never dreamed of making a move. 

Never!

Grey sighs, and though Tim knows he doesn’t think him capable of taking advantage of his rookies, he’s not surprised by his next words.

“Regardless, we have to investigate. She said that all of the interactions took place while out of uniform, so we’re reviewing the station’s camera footage and tracking your movements within the building over the last months. So far we haven’t come across anything unprofessional or really any conversations between the two of you outside of uniform, but there’s a lot of footage to cover. We also need to interview your former rookies and her instructors and peers at the academy, see if there’s a pattern of behavior from either of you. It’s… this will be ongoing, and you’re on paid leave until we come to a decision.”

Tim nods and drops back in his chair, his heart heavy and his stomach sinking like a stone. 

“You won’t find anything on my end,” he promises. 

Commander West nods. “I’m counting on that, son, but maybe we can find a pattern of behavior on her end. Grey will keep you updated as much as he’s allowed, but you can expect this to take a week or two.”

Tim swallows and nods, his hand blindly finding Lucy’s and holding on tight as he stares at the floor. 

“Thank you, sir. Thank you, Commander West.”

They both nod and stand to leave, and Tim catches Lucy’s eye as they walk out of the door after wishing her a speedy recovery. 

“Tim,” she whispers, and he shakes his head as he stands, bending over to kiss her tears away. 

“Hey, baby, it’s okay. We’re going to be okay, all right? This… this will pass, because there is no truth to her words. You know that, right?”

Lucy nods and then wraps her good arm around Tim, dropping her head to his chest as they hold each other in the fading light of the sun outside of her hospital room. 

Chapter Text

Tim

“Timothy Alexander Bradford, I swear to god—”

Tim grimaces and holds his hands up in a universal sign of surrender. He eyes Lucy like she’s some sort of wild animal that may pounce at any moment, and begins to back away slowly as she glares at him from her blanket cocoon on the couch. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, though he’s not entirely certain what he’s apologizing for. “I just want to help.”

Lucy continues to glare for a moment longer, and then deflates as she sighs, pulling her blanket tighter around her body with her one good hand. 

“No, I’m sorry,” she whispers, leaning her head back until it thumps on the back of the couch. “I’m just… I’m cranky. I have two days before my TO exam and I feel like shit. My shoulder hurts because I was shot, my back hurts and I’m moody because I’m pregnant, and I’ve been cooped up at home or in the hospital for five days. I’m worried about my babies and their upcoming tests and I’m about to go stir crazy. And to make it a hundred times worse, I don’t even have the stress relief option available that I had when I was studying for the detectives exam!”

Tim raises an eyebrow and chances a single step closer to his radioactive girlfriend.

(Is she his girlfriend? The lines have become so blurred recently). 

“What stress relief option is that? I can go get it for you, whatever it is,” he says, eyeing the array of things he’s already brought her. Tea, Tylenol, snacks, her computer, books, highlighters, index cards, and about a million empty mugs that he needs to take to the sink and wash. 

He’s beginning to reach for the closest empty mug when Lucy stares directly at him and says, “Sex, Tim. I don’t have sex as a stress relief option anymore.”

Tim drops the mug he’s just picked up (it doesn’t break, thankfully) and chokes a little as she eyes him like he’s a particularly delicious steak she wants to devour. 

He stares at her and she stares at him, and if they could fuck by staring into each others eyes, they’d already be metaphorically naked. 

“I mean, we could—” he begins, but before he can finish propositioning his ex-girlfriend (maybe sort-of current girlfriend?) and baby mama, his phone rings. 

He turns to glare at it as Lucy moans and flops as dramatically as her injured arm will allow. 

“So close,” she grumbles as Tim reaches blindly for his phone, brain still partly broken because sex sex sex . “And yet, so far.”

“H-hello?” he stutters, pressing his phone to his ear as he stares at Lucy, flushed and frustrated and so, so beautiful. 

“Tim? Are you okay? You sound like you’re out of breath.”

Tim grimaces and says goodbye to any and all sexy thoughts as Sergeant Grey’s voice washes over him. 

“Yes, sir,” he says, clearing his throat as he tries desperately to push thoughts of a naked Lucy from his mind. “I was just… running.”

Lucy laughs at him and he glares at her, mouthing this is your fault as he tries to concentrate on what Grey is saying. 

“What can I do for you, sir?”

There’s a sigh on the other end of the phone, and Tim braces himself for whatever bad news Grey has to offer. 

“You going to need to call me Wade for this conversation, son, because I’m not calling as your Sergeant. I’m calling as your friend.”

Tim sits down on the edge of the couch and puts the phone on speaker, settling it between his body and Lucy’s because whatever Grey has to say to him, he can say to Lucy as well. 

“All right, Wade,” he agrees. “We’re listening.”

“Internal Affairs hasn’t come to an official ruling, but they are conducting their final interview today.”

Tim nods and catches Lucy’s eye. He can see that she’s just as anxious as he is, worry clouding her features and her bottom lip caught between her teeth. Tim knows he looks much the same, because despite the fact that they know they’ve done nothing wrong, there’s always the what ifs. 

“And?” he murmurs finally, though he’s not entirely sure he wants to hear what Grey has to say. 

“I think you’d be interested in listening in on this interview. Not officially, of course, but if you happened to be in the station and observed the interrogation…”

Tim raises an eyebrow.

“Who is it, Wade?”

“Officer Janes,” he says.

Tim’s eyebrow reaches new heights as he stares at his phone. 

“And why would I want to sit in on that interview after everything she's done and said?”

“Because Commander West has some… interesting new information to present to Janes in the interview. He’s going to give her a chance to withdraw her complaint and leave the LAPD peacefully, and if she doesn’t take it…”

Tim feels a smile begin to stretch his lips, because even though Grey hasn’t outright told him IA’s ruling, he’s giving plenty of hints to lead them in the right direction. 

“So, if Lucy and I were to come into the station today to talk about her medical leave, or about her upcoming exam…”

“I might catch you in the hallway and ask if you wanted to watch from the observation room.”

Tim glances up at Lucy to see her smiling, too, her brown eyes sparkling at the prospect of getting to witness Janes’ downfall.

She’s not a vindictive person, Tim knows, but Janes had messed with the wrong people because Lucy is fiercely protective of those she loves, and he’s fortunate to count himself among those people. 

“Sounds good, Wade. We’ll see you soon, then.”

“See you soon.”

Tim hangs up the phone and catches Lucy’s gaze, smiling crookedly as he cocks his head to the side. 

“Want to go watch Janes get her ass handed to her?”

“Hell yes!”

Tim offers a hand and pulls Lucy to her feet, smoothing her sweater down and brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. He smiles at her for a long moment, charmed by her even when she’s in an over-sized sweater with her hair in a messy bun. He presses his palm to her cheek and brushes his thumb over her warm skin, and she smiles as she turns her head and presses her lips to his wrist. 

“Let's go and end this.”

________________________

Grey stands with them in the observation room, watching as Janes fidgets with her hands, alternatively staring at the door and the camera in the corner. 

She looks nervous, like a caged animal, and it makes Tim smile. 

He’s not a vindictive person either, usually, but the way Janes had treated Lucy set his blood on fire. And on top of that, she’d tried to ruin his career.

He’s not likely to forgive her anytime soon, and he knows she deserves everything that’s about to happen to her. 

“Here we go,” Grey murmurs, and Tim watches as the interrogation room door opens. Janes jumps and then pastes on a fake smile, greeting Commander West with the same happy expression that’s set Tim on edge since day one. 

“Good afternoon, Commander,” she says, her voice sickly sweet. 

Commander West raises an eyebrow as he sits down and drops a file on the desk separating them. “Whether it's a good one or not remains to be seen.”

Janes cocks her head to the side in confusion and Tim smirks from behind the window. 

“Now, Officer Janes, I brought you here to clarify some details of your complaint,” Commander West begins, flipping open the file. “I wanted to make sure that you don’t want to revise or redact anything from your official report before we begin, however.”

Janes makes a face. “And why would I want to do that? How Officers Bradford and Chen treated me was a disgrace, and I stand by every word in my report.”

“Sergeant Bradford,” Commander West says. 

“What?”

“He’s Sergeant Bradford.”

Janes makes another face as Lucy reaches out to press her hand against his arm. Tim turns to her and smiles, taking a step closer to her as they watch. 

“Whatever. I stand by every word of my report. I was very uncomfortable with the way he treated me and came on to me, and I believe that’s why I was distracted and didn’t tighten the handcuffs of our suspect properly. It’s their fault Officer Chen was shot, and I shouldn’t be punished for it.”

Commander West hums as Tim feels Lucy’s fingers tighten on his skin, her nails digging in as she tries to hold back her frustration. 

“Well then, Officer Janes, our investigation was completed this afternoon, and I’m here to tell you our findings.”

She smirks, confident that she’s going to be pleased with the outcome. 

“Are they going to be disciplined?” she asks, leaning forward in her seat. 

“No,” Commander West says simply, his own lips twitching into an aborted smile as he turns the file he’d put on the desk toward her. “In fact, it’s you who is going to be disciplined, Officer Janes, and not only for submitting a false report and failing to secure a scene that resulted in major injury to an officer.”

Janes’ smile slowly slips as her eyes rake over the papers in front of her. 

Commander West sets his elbows on the desk and leans in closer as he continues speaking. 

“You see, Officer Janes — or should I say Alicia, since as soon as we’re done here you’ll no longer be an officer — part of our investigative process is to dig into the lives of both the accused and the accuser and see if we can find patterns of behavior. We interviewed eleven of Sergeant Bradford’s previous rookies, and all of them told us the same thing — there’s no way in hell Sergeant Bradford would proposition you for sexual favors. However, when we looked into your past, specifically your time at the academy, we found several interesting patterns.”

Officer Janes pushes away the file sitting in front of her and swallows, her eyes wide and panicked, her skin flushed and sweaty.

“Stop,” she whispers, but Commander West ignores her. 

“We found that you should have failed multiple classes during your six months. We also found that you suddenly somehow got passing marks in those classes overnight, from three different instructors. We honestly should be thanking you, because we cleaned house at the Academy and our new recruits coming in after this should be much better prepared. It turns out that you were the one offering sexual favors to get what you wanted. You even threatened to tell Instructor Lions’ wife about your little affair when he told you he wasn’t comfortable changing your grade after the fact, so we can add blackmailing to your list of crimes. It seems, Alicia, that you are the one that has shown a pattern of unprofessional behavior, and that you’re used to getting your way.”

“No,” she whispers, shaking her head, but Commander West barely lets her get a word in edgewise. 

“Give me your badge and gun.”

She swallows and stares at Commander West, her eyes wide, wet, and pleading. 

“Please don’t do this,” she whispers. “I’m-I’m a good cop! I can be a good cop! It’s just that Officer Bra— I mean, Sergeant Bradford isn’t a good instructor, I was just trying to salvage my career since he cared more about fucking his subordinate than training me, and—”

“Stop right there.”

Tim jolts in surprise as Grey’s voice joins the conversation, glancing around the observation room in shock to realize that, at some point, he’d left them alone. 

Officer Janes’ mouth snaps shut with an audible click as Grey enters the room and stands behind Commander West, his arms crossed over his chest.

“We’ve heard a different story from Sergeant Bradford about how you were coming onto him sexually, a story that has been backed up by body cameras, shop cameras, and the cameras here at the station. Once he made it clear he had no interest in you, you tried to ruin his life. Trust me, Officer Janes, you do not want to make this worse than it already is. You can leave here and build a new career, but if you continue this line of mistruth, Sergeant Bradford may want to slap you with a slandering lawsuit and it could very well ruin your life. So, hand over your badge and gun. You are dismissed from the LAPD effective immediately.”

Janes stares at both men with tears slipping silently down her cheeks.