Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Valentina Ortiz.

What a woman.

What a person.

What a girlfriend.

Riley never would've thought she would be the one to call Valentina out of all people, her girlfriend. She never would've expected Valentina to pick her out of every other possible option she could've had in the world. Riley felt grateful every day for Val loving her back.

But recently? Something had changed. Val wasn't acting the same. She wasn't the same person Riley had became girlfriends with all those months ago.

She didn't know why. She was scared she had done something wrong. It had to be her, right? She wanted to know what was going on inside Val's head. No— she needed to. She had not asked about it for too long.

The once lingering gazes they had for eachother seemed to halt, stopping earlier than what felt right.

The gentle touches that were natural for them, whether subtle brushes against eachother on the rink, or close embracing together at home alone, had seemed to lessen.

The usual compliments that she was showered with, diminished to almost nothing but a nonchalant chuckle.

Why.

Why?

She had to know.

She didn't want to press Val, but she could tell something was off.

Different.

As the Fire Hawks filed off the rink after the evening hockey game in excitement and back into the locker room, cheers and woos erupted as teammates entered, high fives and fist bumps flying about. The chatter buzzed as the team celebrated their win. Riley flashed back a small smile at an enthusiastic teammate who grinned at her, but it dropped back down as soon as they turned around to go talk to some other members.

She stared at her skates as she unlaced then, an odd feeling in her chest. Val had not spoke to her, yet. It was strange. They always spoke, whether winning a game or not. It was different. Another change. Riley and Val had always been good at communicating things between eachother, being there for one another about everything and anything. They were saviours for eachother. Whether something silly, or serious, they never kept things bottled up. That was another major concern of hers.

Throat tight, she slipped her feet back into her usual black and white converse sneakers, slightly dirtied from her and Val's common nature walks. Another thing that seemed to disappear.

Riley made the decision she was going to ask Val about it after the game today. About everything. Whether they had won or not, she was planning to tell her. The fact that they won didn't change anything...but that wasn't what was keeping her feet seemingly glued to the ground as she sat on the bench.

She didn't want to be annoying. She didn't want to bug Val about it. But her worry was greater than ever before in recent times. She couldn't stay quiet anymore. She needed to get up. To go speak with her.

She soon stood up, feeling a pressure that didn't exist weighing her steps down as she made her way over to Val, who sat in the corner of the changing room, speaking to a few teammates, but her tone as dull as it had been recently.

"Val." Riley spoke up, trying not to let any anxiety show in her tone. The teammates chatting with Val glancing to her and raising a brow before Val even seemed to pay any attention.

"We need to talk." Those words made Val finally turn her head, an unreadable look in her eyes. The people that had been talking to Val gave eachother a look, and then got up, heading off. They must've sensed that it was something private that they were going to talk about.

"Yes, Riley?" Val's tone kept that slightly monotonous sound to it. It's how it had sounded lately. Almost like she didn't have any effort to even sound happy.

"About us." Riley added, taking a shaky sigh, before slowly going to sit down next to her girlfriend.

"I...I've noticed you've been a little...distant recently," Riley began, trying to find words without sounding obsessed with the situation, even though she was. She needed to know why Val was acting like this all of a sudden.

"And I'm just wondering...is there anything on your mind? Something you need to tell me, or anyone at all, but you haven't? Is there a reason that you've been...not as close?" Riley asked, trying to keep her tone gentle, and not stressed. She didn't want to sound stressed. She reached her hand out to rest it upon Val's, and she felt the girl tense up slightly under her touch— as if Riley was a foreign object to her.

The furrow in Val's brows became evident, and the girl began to respond. "There's nothing, Riley. We're fine. We're good." Was the brunettes curt reply. But Riley knew better than anyone that it was a lie.

"We're not, though." Riley's voice was becoming a bit more vulnerable. "You're...not acting the same. It's like you don't even want to be around me anymore."

Valentina was silent, as if pondering what to say. Riley caught a flash of something in her eyes. Maybe...guilt? Riley interlocked her fingers with her.

"Val. You know you can tell me anything, right?... we're... we're like, each others soul..." Riley uttered out. "I'm always here for you, you know that. Why are you not telling me anything?" She questioned.

She wanted something. Anything.

"Riley." Val said, her tone quiet. It seemed to have a bit of irritation, yet regret lining it at the same time. Riley felt her heart twitch. Val was never mad at her. There was something seriously wrong.

"Please, Val." Riley insisted, trying to make eye contact with her partner, but not even getting a small look back. God, she missed looking into those brown eyes.

"Look at me...tell me what's wrong..." She squeezed Val's hand a bit tighter.

Her girlfriend finally looked up at those words, and Riley studied her gaze. It had a mix of things in it. Sadness. Guilt. Anger. But none of it seemed good.

"Listen, Ri, just stop bugging me." Val said, her tone started to edge more to the snappy side.

Riley was shocked at that. What was her issue with her all of a sudden? Didn't she love her?

"No, Val. I'm not leaving you. I'm not. I promised I'd always be there for you. And here I am." Riley was persistent, despite the lump of hurt growing in her throat.

She felt Val's hand slip away from hers, and the next, dreadful words met her ears.

"I can't do this anymore, okay?" Those words made Riley's heart stop. She didn't say that, right? But...she continued.

"I can't. I can't do...us...it's too much, Riley. You're just too much." Valentina's words hit her like a bullet right to the heart. No. She couldn't be saying it.

"If you really want the honest truth, of why I am so distant now? You really are. You're too much, and I can't handle it much longer, Riley...you rely and cling onto me like you have nobody else. It gets exhausting, when you're like that." Valentina's tone was strong. It was certain, though Riley could still hear guilt lacing it, if she listened really closely.

"And I know you won't stop." Val added on, Riley's heart shredding into pieces like paper with each word. "So, I just don't think I can do it much longer....I...I don't want to hurt you. I don't. But I can't lie any longer. I've been hiding it too long, Riley....you're just...I can't feel the spark with us anymore."

Riley stared at her, different emotions filling her. Filling her on the inside, and outside. The air around her was starting to tighten.

"I need someone else. Someone that can be more independent....someone that isn't so anxious all the time...it seems all you do is fucking worry, Riley." Valentina's voice was becoming a bit more targeted.

The tears began at that sentence, her heart feeling like it was being stabbed a million times, repeatedly. And she had no choice in the matter. She felt trapped. Trapped in the words Val sent flying at her.

"You just aren't for me, anymore, Riley." Val seemed to sound colder at that. "You aren't enough for me."

Riley felt sick to her stomach. Painful everywhere. This had to be a bad dream, right? She would wake up any moment, and give Val her daily morning text, and Val would reply, sending her a photo of her looking all sweet. Like she loved her. But if that were true, that would mean she had been stuck in a nightmare for weeks. Val being distant wasn't something new. She had just only decided to talk to her about it now. But...this couldn't be real, right? It was just her anxiety getting to her. She was hearing things all wrong. She had to be.

Any moment now, she'd snap out of it, and realize she was imagining it all. That she was still sitting on the bench. That she had not yet even walked over to speak to Val— and when she really did, Val would tell her something else. Maybe that it was something else— life issues. And they would talk it out with eachother, and Riley would help her through it, like every other time. But...in the back of her mind, she knew that was not true. That she was really imagining that. She was here. This was happening.

"I...I thought you just said I was too much?" Riley weakly croaked out, her watery eyes fixed on Val's brown ones. "Which one is it?...am I too much, or not enough?"

Valentina had a flash of sorrow in her own eyes, but it went away as fast as it appeared.

"...I just need someone else. Something else, Riley. I can't...we can't be like this anymore." Val replied.

"Like what? Like we never talk anymore? Like that you hardly even give me a look anymore?" Riley began to become angry herself, the rage mixing with grief and hurt. "Because that's what I wish we weren't...why can't we just try and fix things, Val?...p...please. We didn't even try yet. You have to be overthinking this." Riley's voice had desperation but fury.

"No. I think you're the one overthinking this, Riley. I told you already...I can't do it anymore. Can't you take the hint? We're done." Val's reply was low again, the guilt being replaced with a voice that was like a dagger.

"Now please, stop being so attached to me, and just...go." She added, seeming like she was finished. But Riley didn't want to allow it.

"Did...did you ever even care? How long have you been feeling this way about me? That you don't even really love me...that I'm not enough...because I can't be perfect?" Riley's voice was shaking with unease. She felt out of control. How could this be happening to her?

"I love you, Val...I love you...you can't just....end things like this...all those months, did they mean nothing to you?" She pressed on, her voice more vulnerable that it ever had been, as tears began blurring her vision.

"...Riley, just stop. You're doing it again. Being all...obsessed with me. I said we're done. Stop trying to make me change my mind." Valentina stood up, grabbing her bags, and beginning to head for the door.

"Val!— wait!" Her voice cracked out, she went after Val, grabbing her arm and trying to stop her. Valentina turned around to face her, looking down at her.

"Please...don't leave me..." Were Riley's last words.

Valentina's caramel brown eyes were locked into Riley's blue, teary ones, searching them, with that hint of remorse. Subtle, but there. She heard a shaky breath come out of Val's lips, but then, that heedless timbre was back.

"I've already decided." Were Val's.

She felt Val pull away from her grasp, bag around her shoulder. Riley helplessly watched her exit the changing room, unable to do anything else. Her heart throbbed. She felt so many things. Why? Why did it have to be her? She felt like her legs were going to give out, sobs coming out instantly. She had forgotten her teammates were even around. They all looked in disbelief and shock though. None of them could believe that the inseparable Riley and Valentina had just...broken up. Just like that. Either could Riley.

She felt a comforting shoulder on her trembling arm. Bree.

"Riley?..." Her friends voice was breathy. "Riley...god....god...I'm so sorry..." Was all she seemed to manage.

She felt others come over to her, calming gestures and words sent at her direction. But she could hardly hear anything. Their words were muffled, and their touches not there. She couldn't think anything but why. Why had Val left her.

'I thought I was enough for her.' Riley thought, a pang of deep misery in her, filling her every inch. She felt like a ragdoll, unable to control her movements anymore...just breaking down and crying her eyes out there, with the Fire Hawks surrounding her. She had never felt worse in her life.

'All I ever wanted was to be enough for her.'

Chapter Text

It had been a month.

A month ever since her and Valentina broke up. Nothing had felt the same ever since. Riley felt like all of the energy was drained out of her. Sad couldn't even describe what she was feeling. It felt like a part of her had been torn out of her and thrown to the side like it meant nothing. Over the time, she had not spoke to Val again. It hurt to not talk to her anymore, but she knew that there wouldn't be a point. Val was quite clear with saying that she didn't want her anymore. That she was not 'for' her anymore.

She hated it so much, she wished she could hate Val for what she did, but she just couldn't no matter how hard she tried. She was stuck lingering on the memories. All those looks and conversations they gave to eachother. Now Val acted like she didn't even exist— they only talked to eachother at hockey practice or games, when it was something related to what was going on in the sport. Nothing personal. She wished Val at least acknowledged her a little bit more. She knew that they weren't a thing anymore, but it still pained to watch her walk by her in the hallways and not even spare her a glance.

Her parents had instantly noticed how she'd been acting when she got home after the breakup. She just had to tell them. They'd figure it out one way or another, and she'd prefer to tell them in the moment, rather than let it keep hurting her more. So she had told them, and they tried their best to comfort her. They knew how much she loved Val— how much it must hurt for her. She accepted the comfort, but still, nothing felt enough.

Her friends had tried to comfort her too. Whether it be through messaging her or talking to her at school or hockey. But whether friends or family, nothing could completely heal the way she was feeling. She felt abandoned. She felt lost. She asked so many questions to herself. Had she done something specifically wrong? Had she given Val a certain reason to break up with her? She didn't know. All she knew was that it was over. And that it was all that was on her mind these days.

As she laid there in bed one day after school, her eyes were shut as she stayed in her room. A thing she'd been doing a lot more ever since what happened a month ago. Friends asked her if she wanted to hang out. She said yes, but not nearly as much as she used to. Mostly because she somehow felt better drowning herself in her own thoughts, even though she knew it was horrible for her.

Suddenly, she heard her phone let out a dinging sound beside her on her bed, and her eyes opened. She hesitantly reached out to it, feeling a pang of misery as she remembered how those notifications would usually be from Val. But she knew it wouldn't be her. She had blocked Val on everything not long after. She knew it was probably better that way.

As she turned her phone around, the screen lit up to reveal what it was. A message from Bree. Her friend. She had been supporting her ever since the breakup, and she felt very grateful. She didn't know where she would be without her. It was still hard, but Bree made it that tiniest amount of easier.

'Riley, I need to tell you something.'

The message had a serious tone, from Bree's usual texting style. Usually they were always joking around about everything. It gave her a sense of alarm. She opened up the messages with her.

'yeah? what's up?'

She typed back, sending it, feeling curious, yet more anxious. What could it possibly be?

'You aren't going to like this. But I wasn't going to keep it hidden from you.'

The next message made her heart skip a beat. What was that supposed to mean? She wouldn't like it?

'okay. what is it?'

She sent the next message with speed, anxiety starting to fill her up. She didn't want anymore bad news. But this seemed important.

'Val got a new girlfriend. Samantha Hunt. Everyone calls her Sammy, though.'

The message was followed up with a few screenshots. Instagram photos of the two of them together. Val and her...new girlfriend? Sammy....Sammy Hunt? Her heart felt like it dropped. Her breath stopped. She clicked on the images, looking at them. She felt pain cross her chest. Bree was joking, right? But no. As she kept looking at the photos. Valentina and...the girl who was apparently named Sammy. Them being all close. Together. There was even one of them kissing. That one hurt the most.

Sammy.

Sammy Hunt.

That name suddenly caused feelings of fury yet sadness to course through her body. Val left her for her? No...no, she didn't leave her. They weren't together anymore. She had to remind herself that. But it was so hard to. Her eyes bored into the image, studying the girl.

She almost looked like Riley, in a general features sort of way. Except everything she had was better. Enhanced. She was just as tall as Val, maybe even a bit taller— something Riley did not have, being shorter than Val. She had blonde hair that was a bit lighter than hers— and it just looked perfect. It seemed to be completely smooth, with no bumps or stray hairs in the way. She had bright blue eyes. But in comparison to Riley— Sammy's were like the deep ocean, or the vast sky, while her own felt like water from a muddy creek looking at hers.

Every proportion of hers seemed to fit every part of her. Like she was sculpted from the finest handwork possible. She had bronze skin, that looked like the sun had embraced her— much unlike Riley's slightly pale complexion. Not to mention her skin was completely clear, with not a blemish in sight. And that smile? Even if she already had rage against her, that grin was so winning it almost made her feel like she shouldn't hate her. Like she was too perfect to hate.

As she found a screenshot of the girls profile on Instagram, her heart sank even further. She seemed to play hockey, too. The girl didn't only have everything she had, but better in looks, but also a passion. She had a team photo that had the words 'Cougars' in it. She assumed that was her team name. She didn't recognize it. The girl must go to a different high school. She didn't know if that made things better or worse.

She felt like she was betrayed even more than she already been. In a way, she felt bad about feeling bad. She felt wrong to be so pissed off right now. So upset. She knew Val and her weren't dating anymore. But the fact that she seemed to move on only a month later? It made her feel even more thrown away. Had Val ever really cared about her? That was the question she desperately wanted an answer to.

Finally, she stopped looking through the screenshots, going back to the chats with Bree. She didn't know what to say. She wasn't going to get mad at Bree. She wasn't mad at her. She was mad at Val. Mad at Sammy. She held her blowing up. For now.

'oh.'

Those were the only words she could muster out in a message. She didn't know what else to say. She was lost for words, a whirlwind of emotions attacking her like a storm. She couldn't process this right now.

'I'm so sorry Ri. I can't believe her. You guys only stopped being together a month ago, and she's already gone with someone else?'

She could sense that Bree was furious herself, but that made her frown. She shouldn't have to get angry for her.

'it's fine.'

Was all she sent last, before she set her phone back down, the tears starting up and rolling down her face, burning the corners of her eyes. She felt so much. Sadness. Anger. Guilt. Jealousy. She wanted to try to be happy for Val, but it was difficult. Maybe she was better off without her. Maybe she was happier. But all she could think was why hadn't SHE been enough for her? She'd tried. She'd tried her best. But Val acted like she didn't try. She knew she had her issues...but everyone did.

The tears quickly became a sob, as she tried to control herself and failed miserably. How would she face Val again after knowing this? It hurt. Everything hurt so much. Why? Why had she done this to her? She felt more abandoned than before.

Soon, after what felt like forever, she drifted off into sleep, exhausting herself with crying so hard. Going into a rest full of sorrow, rage..everything. Maybe things would get better, eventually.

Maybe. But not now. Not yet.

Chapter Text

'come over tn, baby 😘'

Valentina stared at the new message from her girlfriend after she pulled her phone from her side pocket. She felt a slight smile pull onto her lips. She leaned back into the chair she was sitting in while class ensued. She began to think of a reply.

Sammy Hunt...she must've been from a different world. She felt so perfect. She was perfect, she had to be.

'Yeah, OFC 💗. What time?'

She sent the text back, next setting her phone on her lap, glancing back up to pretend that she was paying attention to the teacher, who was ranting on about some random things she was certainly not actually interested in. She instantly looked back down as she saw the screen light up with a quick reply.

'how about I come pick you up right after school?'

Val blinked a bit at that, going through and searching her mind for what she could possibly have going on after school that might make her unable to get picked up. For once, she was free after classes, though, so she swiftly began to type a reply.

'Sounds good.'

'Now stop texting though. You're gonna get me in trouble w teach, lol'

Valentina double texted the girl, still keeping half of a eye on the rambling teacher standing at the front of the classroom. She didn't actually want Sammy to stop texting her. She didn't want to get in trouble either, but...she could deal with it, for her.

'aaaww sorry not sorry ;) I guess you'll have to control yourself and put your own phone away?'

Val gave an eye roll and a small scoff at that, though she felt flustered at the same time. Flustered. It was something she remembered Riley didn't make her feel. Not as much, anyways. It was usually the other way around, for them. It was Valentina who flustered Riley. Now? It was Sammy who flustered Valentina. It was a strange change, but her and Sammy had been together around two weeks or so, and she was starting to get used to the girl that was somehow even more touchy than herself.

But no. She shouldn't be thinking of Riley. She had dropped the girl, and hard. In a way, that she perhaps did not even fully realize yet...she felt guilt for the harsh way she broke up with Riley. She hadn't wanted to hurt her that badly, but her emotions had certainly gotten to her. It had been too late to take it back by the time they were out, so she just became even colder.

She should just stop thinking about her. Riley was her ex-girlfriend. They broke up a month ago. She was with Sammy now. Not Riley. Move on. Don't even think about her. She hadn't a problem with not talking to her...but she found it strangely difficult not to think back on her and what had happened after that game in the locker room.

'Fine 🙄'

Val sent after a moment of pondering about Riley and shaking the thoughts away. She then turned her phone off, shoving it back into her pocket, and then lifting her gaze to 'focus' back on the teacher again. This class would be boring...she just tried to look forward to spending time with Sammy later.

As Val stepped out of the school doors, the sunlight above blinded her eyes, and she squinted, putting a hand on her forehead to shield her eyes from the brightness as she glanced around the parking lot, her eyes searching for Sammy's car.

It didn't seem to be anywhere, and Val was about to text her and ask if she was near, but that's when she heard the sound of wheels rolling along the ground, and her eyes lit up a bit as they met the sleek navy blue car in front of her. Sammy was in the driver's seat, and rolled her window down as she pulled into the parking spot, that confident smirk on her lips, those flowing, shiny, golden locks, and those bright ocean eyes being revealed as she tipped her sunglasses down to look at her, an alluring glint in her eyes that made Val's heart jump.

"Hey, baby. Ready to go?" Sammy asked, her voice making Val feel entranced.

Val gave her a nod, trying not to act sheepish. Showing vulnerability was something she wasn't used to. She was honestly struggling with it. She was always the strong one...the tough one...to become shy from Sammy was something that made her feel off. She felt like she needed to be the strong one. But being near Sammy made her feel so weak.

"Yeah." Val breathed out a reply, rounding the car to sit in the passengers seat beside Sammy, who immediately turned in her own seat to face her, that look still on her face.

"You look so nice. As usual." Sammy said, her voice sounding natural. It seemed like flirting was as basic a task as walking for her. She reached her arm out, and Val felt a hand caress her cheek, and then stay there.

Val attempted to stay relaxed, but god, did this girl make her nervous as hell. She'd never felt so weak in her life. It was really unnatural, but she was starting to enjoy it, in a way...to be the one who didn't have to put in as much effort into flirting, and stuff like that...it was...an interesting change.

"You too." Val replied, trying to sound nonchalant, though the slight quiver of her voice revealed otherwise.

Sammy noticed, as she always did. But Val realized that when Sammy knew she was making her flustered, she loved it, and only continued from there.

"What's wrong...nervous?" Val felt chills as Sammy's arm snaked around to the back of her neck, feeling her fingers begin brushing against it slowly.

"Everything's going to be okay, Val... I'm here to relax you, you know." Sammy's voice became reassuring, running down Val's back until stopping at her waist.

Val felt like she was going to implode from embarrassment. Sammy's eyes never left her— which made her feel attracted, yet intimidated at the same time.

"I'm fine." Val insisted, her words coming out swifter than she had anticipated sounding in her head.

"You're sure?" Sammy's words hit her even harder this time. Val watched her blue eyes flicker along her face, and linger on her lips. She knew that she wanted to kiss her, but she felt so unexpectedly nervous. So vulnerable. She'd never felt like this before, and it was confusing her...it was shaking her brain up from what it was used to.

Sammy's hands kept slowly rolling down her after those words, staying on her hips for a moment before a singular hand went to rest on the other girls thigh, a warmth in her blue eyes.

"Yes." Val managed out in a small voice.

"Are you fine enough that I can kiss you?" Sammy leaned over so she was close by Val's ear, and it made Val just feel even more anxious, yet excited. Of course she wanted Sammy to kiss her.

"Yes." Val repeated, and those words didn't last long in the air. Sammy went in immediately, pressing her lips into Valentina's, and reaching her hands up to run her nails through her darker hair.

Val's heart raced as she felt the other girl kiss her first. She let Sammy lead it at first, before she also began to kiss her back. It felt like there were sparks all around.

The kiss went on for a while before Val pulled back to breathe again, feeling slightly dazed with how exhilarating that had been. It wasn't the first or last time she'd kissed Sammy, but every time they did, each one seemed to become more thrilling than the last.

"We...we should head to your place now, Sammy." Val suggested, trying not to show any nervousness, but clearly, she was from how red her face was, and every other sign that pointed to her being very flustered.

"If you say so, baby." Sammy's smile grew a bit more. "...Just tell me if I ever make you too nervous." She told her. "And remember...I won't hurt you. I promise." Val just managed a weak nod, before the blonde girl seemed pleased, and then pulled out of the high school parking lot, beginning to drive her and Val to Sammy's place.

Riley had felt more down than ever, ever since she had found out about Valentina and Sammy. She just couldn't stop thinking about them. Was Valentina happier? Was she better off without her? Did that Sammy girl at least treat her well? None of these questions did she have the answer to, and she knew she might never actually have. So she tried to stop thinking about it. She needed to try and get over it...but it was so hard.

She was currently hanging out with her friend Bree at her house. Bree was the one who had been there for her the most ever since the breakup. She asked how she was everyday. Asked if she wanted to hangout. Comforted her. Bree really was her lifeline in all this mess at the moment. Even being with the girl slightly took her mind off of the issues with Val...but...not entirely.

As the two sat next to eachother on Bree's couch, chewing on some potato chips and other snacks, watching a 'Get Up And Glow' documentary together, the silence was quite noticeable. There wasn't any talking between them, the only sound being their eating and the sound of the documentary.

Bree broke the silence.

"You are still into Get Up And Glow, right?" Her tone was light, a bit playful. They were both 14 now. Riley had been more in her boy band phase last year...and dating Valentina had kind of made it fade away a bit, but she couldn't even lie, she was still a bit attached.

Riley smiled slightly. "...Well. Once a glowie, always a glowie." She said with a small laugh. Bree looked happy at that. Riley hadn't been showing her joy nearly as much, so it was always nice for her to see her laughing and smiling.

"But... I'm not as into them anymore." Riley admitted after a moment of giggling.

Bree gave a small shrug. "I guess that's fair...I still miss when me, you and Grace went to their concerts, though." She sounded nostalgic.

Riley took a small breath. "Yeah. It was nice...how is Grace these days, anyways?" She asked, suddenly feeling curious. Grace had not made it onto the Fire Hawks like she and Bree had after hockey camp— also pair that with the her moving to a different school and so, that made them kind of drift apart.

"She's doing well, don't worry about it...she told me she's with this new team up in Sacramento now. They're called the Rattlesnakes." Bree informed her, letting out a hissing sound and looking intimidating as a joke.

Riley scoffed a bit at Bree making the hissing noise. "Wow. I'm so scared, Bree...your snake impression is likeee, so realistic..." She drawled out in a sarcastic tone, making both of them burst out in laughter.

After the laughter died down, Riley felt eyes on her, and she turned her head away from the screen to see Bree staring right at her. She wasn't sure how to read the look in her eyes, but they seemed to be thoughtful.

She raised a brow at Bree. "What's up? Zoned out?" She questioned, waving a hand in front of her, yet Bree shuffled to sit up more straight.

"No, it's just..." Bree began hesitantly.

"Just?..." Riley encouraged her, very curious.

"I'm really glad, y'know. That you've been seeming to enjoy today with me. Laughing, and stuff...I missed it." Bree started to admit, seeming genuinely very glad. "I just missed being with you. I missed seeing you happy."

Riley gazed back at her, taking in her words. As she did, a sudden frown dragged into her face, that she didn't actually want to show up.

"Oh..." Her voice went to a bit of a whisper, and Bree blinked, hoping she didn't say something wrong.

"It's... it's nice to hang out with you, too." Riley returned after a moment of silence, forcing a small smile. Bree must've been able to tell that one wasn't real, because she narrowed her eyes.

"...Riley, you know I can always talk to you, right? I don't even need you to after I message you, or reach out. If you reach out first about anything... I'll still respond." Bree's words rushed out at her like a hurricane, and Riley felt a bit overwhelmed.

"I...I know... it's just...hard..." Riley felt her voice begin to weaken a bit, memories of Valentina returning yet again.

"Hey. I know it is. But I'm here for you. I'm always going to be." Bree reached out to squeeze Riley's hand, and she felt herself tense up a bit.

It was strange, and slightly off-putting to be touching Bree's hand. She knew she was just trying to comfort her, but she just... could not get Val out of her head, even if she pushed and shoved for her brain to stop remembering her so much. She couldn't stop. Even the words Bree said made her think back on all of the similar things Val said, and a wave of sorrow hit her. Val had said she'd always be there for her. Now where was she? Not here anymore. Not here for her.

Riley attempted to push away the sadness, and just come up with a reasonable answer that didn't expose her emotions too much. She swallowed, before mustering up the strength to reply.

"I know you will be."

All she could hope was that Bree was not lying to her like Valentina had been.

Chapter Text

Riley's skates glided along the ice below her as she pushed herself forward. The rink at least took her mind off of everything in her life right now. Not fully, of course, but it did to some extent. Just feeling the cold breeze from the air around her did help her mind relax.

It was still a month ever since the breakup, and as much as Riley wished she could just forget, she couldn't. All that bore into her mind was Valentina and Sammy. She wondered what Sammy was like. She must have been better than her. A lot better, if Val moved on that quick.

A sense of guilt infested her chest as she kept skating laps around the rink for the drills that practice day. She knew she shouldn't be so interested in what Val was doing now. They weren't together anymore. But she couldn't help but think so many things. Was she better than her? Did she love Val the way she did?

She felt her eyes drift over to where Val was, on the other side of the rink, also skating. She noticed her eyes were forward. She looked like she wasn't focused on anything but the drill. She couldn't help but remember the way she used to give her a glance and a small smile when they were together and skating the rink during practice. Or the way she went over to her and brushed her shoulder against hers after a play restarted during a game. All of those subtle things were gone now.

Her heart felt like a weight in her chest for the rest of the practice. She wanted to leave quickly, yet also didn't. By the time practice was over, she began her approach to the exit of the rink, about to step up over the ledge leading out of the door, but a voice entered her ears. A familiar voice.

"Riley." The voice was nonchalant. It didn't have much enthusiasm, and seemed more relaxed.

Riley froze in place, and then spun around, feeling her chest sink more. She knew who it was, but it hurt more to see it with her eyes.

Valentina.

Why? Why was she talking to her? She hadn't ever since they broke up. What did she want?

She felt a surge of annoyance, yet sadness rush through her, but she replied.

"What do you want, Val?" Riley muttered out, looking at the taller girl, who looked down at her with those half-lidded brown eyes.

"I need to talk to you. Just us." Val told her, and Riley felt a strange sense of discomfort. Why did she want to talk to her? Yet, stupidly, she responded with a hesitant agreement.

"Fine." Riley's voice didn't seem very convinced or into going to talk with Val, but she did it anyways. She followed the girl away from the rink doors and to a corner of the rink by the boards.

Valentina's gaze was fixed on her. Riley felt broken as she looked back at her. She fought crying and breaking down right there with Val's eyes on her again. It was only worse when she finally spoke up.

"Riley. I just want to say...I don't hate you." Val's words hit her like a truck. Emotions rolled through her like a wave with all different intensities and colours.

Riley didn't have any words, as she kept her own blue eyes boring into Val's.

"I don't want you to feel bad, you know? I don't...I didn't want to hurt you, or anything." Val said, and Riley suddenly felt a surge of irritation spike her.

"So what, you expect me to forgive you? After we haven't spoke since you left me? After what you told me? No. You're crazy, if you think that, Val." Riley's words slipped out quickly, and she couldn't tell if them being revealed was for the better or worse.

"I've been busy...I haven't been able to talk...plus...we don't have eachother on anything online anymore. My only way of talking to you now is through seeing you at school or hockey." Val said, though her voice was a bit hesitant.

"Yeah...busy...okay. Busy for a whole month? Couldn't even say hi at any other practices we've had? Busy with Sammy fuckin Hunt, maybe." Riley said without meaning to let Val know she knew about her new girlfriend. Her anger was really starting to build up, now.

"How do you know about her?" Val seemed more surprised than anything.

"It doesn't matter...I know...and I don't think you realize how much it hurts me...for you to leave me, and run off so fast to someone new. Like I was nothing." Riley responded, feeling more sad now as she recalled how easy it seemed to be for Val to leave her.

"God, Riley. You really are so damn obsessed. More than I thought. We aren't together anymore, have you forgotten? I am with Sammy now, but I think you're caring a little too much about it. It's not like I'm cheating on you." This time, Val's words were more aggressive. The tension was beginning to build between the two, now.

"I'm caring TOO much?...or have you maybe just considered you couldn't even accept when you had real love, so you threw it away for something hardly different, just because?" Riley shot out, before feeling sorrowful again. Hands quivering, she managed to add something else on.

"Well guess what, Val? You were mine. You were. You were all of me." Riley's voice came out in a crack, but she still fought tears back.

Val seemed too stunned to speak. She just stared at Riley, looking to have a mixture of emotions in her eyes that reflected Riley's.

Riley, in a surge of sudden rage returning, tossed her hockey stick down to the ice and pushed Val against the boards. Not enough to hurt her— but enough to make her feel threatened and uncomfortable.

"What the hell are you doing, Riley?! Back off." Val snapped, though her tone shook a bit. Riley was never so direct, that it must've been a shocker that she was pushing her around like this.

"Whats wrong, Val? You can't take a little discomfort? I'd say it's nothing after what you did to me." Riley said, continuing to shove the other girl back against the boards each time she tried to regain her balance.

"I said back off." Val warned, her voice a bit more pointed.

"No. I want you to tell me how it feels. To leave me like that. To have someone else. Now." Riley told her, her voice demanding.

"Shut—" Val began, but was cut off.

"No, Val. Tell me. Enlighten me, won't you?" Riley moved her towards the boards yet again.

"Riley. I said get the hell away from me!" Val shoved Riley away from her, misjudging how hard she did so. She sent the smaller girl flying backwards and hitting the back of her head against the ice with a harsh thud.
—

Everything seemed to move so fast after that. In seconds, other teammates came rushing over from the other side of the rink, looking to be terrified and concerned. Especially Bree.

"Val? What happened?!" One of the teammates, Aria demanded, eyes flickering from Riley to Val.

"I...I...she just....she..." Val stammered, terrified herself as her eyes didn't leave her ex-girlfriend who was laying on the ice. She didn't just do that. That didn't just happen. Oh, no, please, no.

"What's going on over here?" Coach Roberts came over, drawn by the commotion, and her eyes widened at the sight of Riley on the ground.

"W...we need to get her to a doctor. She could be hurt, badly." Another teammate, Gina, piped up.

"I didn't mean to...I...I didn't...I swear..." Val seemed lost for words. She felt overwhelmed, truly overwhelmed. She really didn't know that Riley would be moved so easily. She did not mean to push her that hard. She really did not. She felt her chest begin to twist in panic. She was scared for both Riley and herself. What would happen to Riley? What would everyone think of her? How could she say she didn't mean to do this to Riley?

"You did this to her?!" Bree's shouting invaded her head even more.

"I...she...just...she wouldn't back away....I pushed her away...I was just trying to get her to step away...I...I didn't..." Val's panic built up more with each moment. Her heart was pounding and her hands were shaking. She didn't even want to make eye contact with her teammates. She couldn't.

"God....god, Val. You really fucked it up this time, didn't you? Worse than breaking up with Riley...you decide to shove her on the damn ice, too?" Bree was furious, as other teammates tried to get Riley to wake up, talking and gently shaking her, while Coach Roberts moved them aside to wait on the ice beside Riley to wake from her unconscious state.

"Do you realize how badly she could be hurt? And it's all your fault." Bree added. At this point, Val felt like everything was spinning and she couldn't focus on whatever Bree was saying anymore. She felt sick.

"Just...stay away from her." Bree said, her tone cold.

It was around a minute later, and Riley began to stir. That felt like the longest minute of Val's life. She watched as Bree turned away from her and approached Riley, a murmur of worried words and questions filling the air from multiple teammates.

"Riley, are you okay?"

"Can you sit up?"

"You're awake!"

"Riley!"

"We need to make sure you get checked out later at an ER."

Riley appeared dazed, still laying on the ice, her eyes slowly moving around to take in her surroundings. Val could tell by the look on her face that Riley was probably overwhelmed by all the people around her, and still a bit disoriented.

"My head..." Riley mumbled out, her voice a bit quiet.

Coach Roberts kneeled beside Riley, her eyes on the girl. She glanced around, telling the rest of the team to give her some space.

"Riley. Are you able to sit up?" Coach Roberts asked, and Riley slowly blinked, and sat up after a moment. Coach reached out, taking Riley's helmet off and setting it down next to her. Val assumed it was so she could be more aware of what was going on without the weight of a helmet on her. Watching that, Val couldn't help but feel very grateful Riley had been wearing her hockey helmet when she accidentally pushed her. Nothing would make her want to see Riley's head split open because she fell down on the ice. She winced just thinking of it.

Coach Roberts sat right in front of Riley, looking at her. Val heard her begin to ask Riley some questions, like such as what happened, where they were, and a few other basic things she should know. It seemed to be Coach Roberts was doing a quick concussion test on her. Val felt her heart clench a bit. With that fall, she knew Riley must have got some kind of an injury. But a concussion would surely be better than getting her actual head injured.

Riley's answers were sometimes a bit off, or a sign to it. Coach Roberts, after asking the questions, helped Riley up to her feet, and guided her out of the rink with a hand on her back. Val watched as the two left, her other teammates also watching, a few trailing after them.

"I'm going to call your parents. Tell them that they should bring you to the ER after they pick you up, so you can get checked out more professionally." Coach Roberts told Riley, who gave a weak nod. "It's likely you've got a concussion, Riley. And if it's confirmed when you get to the hospital, I want you to lay off and take a break. No practice, no games. Make sure you get rest." Her voice was a bit stern, but kind.

Val heard Riley begin to protest. "But there's an important game coming up—" but her reply was cut short by their coach.

"Riley. No. No buts. If you're injured, you aren't coming back to the ice, and you will get rest." Coach Roberts was firm on her words, and Riley gave a shaky sigh, but mumbled agreement under her breath.

Val felt guilt fill her at the exchange. She had hurt Riley. She didn't mean to. She couldn't not blame herself. She couldn't blame her teammates for blaming her. It hurt. But she couldn't.

She watched as her teammates began to leave the rink, some giving an upset glance, some shooting her a dirty look as they skated by— Bree, especially. Soon, it was just her standing there in the empty rink. She felt more than horrible. All she could hope was that Riley would be able to recover quickly if she was hurt.

Chapter Text

The waiting room felt like it took forever.

The fact that the walls were a blinding white, and the air smelled sterile only made the wait worse. And the silence was almost unnerving. The noise was mainly a shuffle of a person, or hospital staff murmuring to each other from far away in a hallway.

The result was what Riley was expecting, but it certainly was not what she wanted.

Concussion.

They said it would probably take her around two weeks to recover. For her to be able to properly go back to things like school and other activities.

Riley felt like she was crumbling. It was really upsetting, knowing she had to be pulled out of hockey while she recovered, as it was advised by her coach and the doctor. It was really the one thing that helped her mostly keep her mind off of everything that was going bad in her life currently. Especially everything with Valentina.

It was even worse that she had been putting work into the sport, as well. Mostly for the upcoming game. Now that was basically thrown away, with two weeks of being able to participate being taken away from her. It made her feel miserable.

The argument was still a bit hazy. She remembered she started pushing Val, but then she herself had got a shove back and then she blacked out. Or that is what she was told. Her head still felt strange thinking back on what happened. She could still recall the anger she felt boiling through her veins talking to Val, though. She couldn't believe she had the audacity to talk to her out of nowhere after so long since the breakup.

She wasn't even really sure, even now, why Val had decided to speak to her all of a sudden? Was she really trying to get her to forgive her? Or did she want something else? The conversation hadn't proceeded much for her to find out, and she felt slight regret for it. She couldn't help but wonder what Val's true intentions were to talk to her.

When she got home, it didn't take long for her teammates and friends to start sending her messages about how they hope she got better soon, and other things of that sort, once they found out about her concussion. She wasn't exactly supposed to be on her phone too much, and she should try to rest and stay without stimulation of light or noise, but she responded to them anyways. As bad as she felt (mostly emotionally), she didn't want to ghost her friends.

When she was done replying, though, she felt so exhausted everywhere, she went right to sleep, the thoughts of recent events flooding her mind yet washing her into a deep rest on her bed.

Valentina drove her stick forward, making contact with the puck, sending it flying forward through the air. The arena was filled with anticipation as she made her shot. Moments later, she let out a deep huff of irritation as she saw the goalie launch and save it from entering the net. She tightened her grip on her stick as the referee blowed the whistle for a play restart. God damn it. She'd felt so off her game recently. That was such an easy shot that she should've been able to make. That she would've made any other time.

The game didn't feel the same. As much as she hated to admit it, it was really affecting her. The Fire Hawks didn't feel like the same team without Riley there. When she'd gotten the news of Riley's concussion a few days prior to the current game, she'd felt very guilty. And regretful. She never meant for things to get that far. To hurt her.

Taking a deep breath, she spun around, skating back to her own side and awaiting the next face off to happen so the game could resume. She kept her grip tight on her stick through her gloves, almost to the point it made her knuckles sore. Relax yourself, Val. Relax...get back in the game.

The rest of the game seemed to drag on, the score staying mostly even, and whenever there was a shot, it would miss or be saved. That was getting even more on Val's nerves. And more annoyance was not something that was probably very good for her at this moment.

She pushed herself a bit harder by the time third period rolled along. Her muscles were basically begging her to stop, but she didn't, continuing to force herself to go right through the pain as if it was nothing. She knew better than anyone how bad that was for your body, but she did it anyways. She needed some kind of a distraction from the whole situation that had happened with her and Riley a few days ago.

This time, when she got a shot, she managed to score a goal, which made her lay off on the pushing through a bit more, but her muscles now felt full of tension after ignoring the pain in them that had told her to stop.

By the end, the Fire Hawks still lost, though, losing by 2 goals above them. That upset Valentina, inevitably, but she knew she couldn't get too hung up on it. As much as she didn't enjoy losing, it was a part of hockey she had mostly gotten used to by this point, having played it so long.

As Val and the other girls made their way into the locker room, Val gave a sigh and flopped down onto the bench, taking her helmet off and tucking some loose strands of her hair behind her ear. She grabbed her phone from her bag, then slouched down, heading into her messages with her now girlfriend, Sammy.

'Hey, Sammy' She sent, a simple message. Usually, she would say more, but she was honestly too exhausted to think of much more.

'hi val ;)' Sammy's reply came back quite quickly, as usually.

'how are you feeling?' Sammy messaged again. Val clenched her jaw a bit. She knew she'd been telling Sammy about what happened, so of course she would ask that.

Valentina hesitated, before typing up another text and sending it.

'Honestly? Like shit' Val couldn't really lie much longer.

'aww baby' Sammy sent quickly. The words made Valentina's heart flutter a bit.

'is it about that girl on your team?' Sammy added on, and Val held her breath as she typed out the next reply.

'Yes. I don't really feel good about it.' Val said, being truthful.

'it's okay. you said it was an accident didn't you? she'll be alright soon enough. in the meantime though, come hang out with me? maybe it will make you feel better' Val sighed at that response, but also felt a bit better at the offer of her hanging out with Sammy.

'That sounds good.' Val sent, without much hesitation.

Val sat on the couch next to Sammy, close to her girlfriend. Sammy wasn't wrong. Being with her did help. Though it was still probably impossible to completely forget everything, it was likely the best way to get her mind off of things, considering being on the ice right now only made her remember shoving Riley during their argument.

Sammy's smile on her was intoxicating. It was hard to take her gaze off of those blue eyes, and those soft pink lips. Val found herself giving a light smile back.

It wasn't long before Sammy was all over her, arms coiled around her waist and pulling her closer to herself, trapping Val into a kiss that she definitely did not want to leave. Sammy had a certain way of pulling her in that was really hard to describe. She had an aura of something enticing, yet relaxing.

Val kept her eyes shut, kissing the other girl back, running her own hands through Sammy's wavy blonde locks. She could run her hands through that silky hair all day, if she could.

The kiss lasted a bit longer, before Sammy pulled back slightly, that foxy smirk still on her lips, that made Val's heart skip a beat. Val heard her breathe out a few words, next.

"Feel any better, Val?" Sammy's words were like candy to her ears. That low, passionate voice in her ear.

Val gave a slow nod, replying with her voice a bit louder than a whisper.

"I do." She admitted, her eyes not leaving Sammy.

"I can take your mind off of things more." Sammy leaned in a bit closer with those words. "If you'd like."

Val hesitated, for a split second, thinking about those words. On one hand, they did make her feel more pulled in. But on the other...was it really a good idea? Should she use this as a way to drift away from her thoughts?

But soon. The desire to forget won her over, and so she nodded again, gaze still locked onto her girlfriend.

"I would." The words came out before she could even think them.

With that, Sammy didn't hesitate herself, and Val felt herself become a bit more pressed against the back of the couch, and Sammy re-entered the embrace and the deep kiss.

Eventually, all things in her mind became Sammy. Just Sammy. Slowly, she forgot about Riley. Forgot about her current worries. In that moment, at least.

"Riley?"

Bree's voice entered her ears, very slightly, and her eyes left whatever nothingness she was staring into, and she turned her head back over to look at Bree.

Bree had come over to give her some company, considering she shouldn't really be going around anywhere that was too loud, bright, or really overwhelming for any of her senses.

"You okay?" Bree sounded more concerned this time, and Riley gave a slow blink.

Riley's state must have been blank, still, but that snapped her out of it, because she managed out a reply.

"Yeah. I'm alright. Just...still a bit...out of it, I guess." Riley's voice was neutral. It wasn't very readable, along with her expression.

Bree's face dropped at that, and she felt the girl shuffle a bit closer to her on her bed. Riley glanced over, looking at her.

"Riley. Seriously. How are you feeling?" Bree insisted, reaching out to rest a hand on her friends shoulder.

"Tired, I guess. Kinda weird. My head still hurts a little, but it's starting to get better." Riley decided to respond. That was some of the truth, but definitely not all of it. She knew Bree would know that. But she also knew Bree knew she wouldn't want to talk about Valentina right now.

Bree let out a small sigh, but gave her a soft smile at the same time. Her words became lighter.

"Hey, Ri. I came over because I wanted you to have some company." Bree assured her. "You don't have to talk or anything if you don't want to, really. I know this concussion is still probably pretty annoying. And...well. You know. But I want you to know if you ever do feel like talking, that I'll be right here." Bree's words sent some relief into Riley. Her words were so kind. She wished she had the strength to open up more, but she felt so closed off at the moment.

"Yeah. I know." Riley's voice was a bit quiet, but she lifted her head up more to look at her friend. "I appreciate it. I really do, Bree." She wanted to at least let her know she cared. Bree had been for her ever since the breakup. She had been there for her. And Riley, of course, did care so much about her being there for her. But at the same time, it still felt so hard to admit all of her feelings on everything.

"I'm glad." Bree's smile grew, and there was almost a flash of...something Riley wasn't sure of what. But it was different.

Riley didn't have time to reply before she felt herself being pulled into a hug. She was stiff at first, her arms unmoving and at her side, but she slowly put her own arms around Bree. It wasn't that they hadn't hugged before. She just had not been expecting it.

It was a warm hug. One that did relieve Riley to some extent. But she didn't know if anything could fully heal her. Not yet, anyways. It would take some more time.

"Everything is going to be okay, Riley. I'm here. And I'll be here as long as you need me." Bree's tone was gentle, and calming. The way she said it sounded so genuine. But Riley's heart twisted as she recalled Val saying similar things. Now where was she? Did she even care about what had happened to her? She didn't know. She tried to sweep those thoughts away, and come up with an acceptable reply.

"Thank you, Bree." Was all she murmured back to her friend who was still hugging her.

All she could hope was that Bree was telling the truth. That she would always be there. But her heart was telling her that wasn't true, and it never would be.

All she could do was hope. And hold onto that sliver of hope.