Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kurt couldn’t find the book he had to return to the library. He could’ve sworn he put it in his locker the day before after French class, but it was nowhere to be found, and it was the last day to return it without having to pay a fee. It’s not that he couldn’t pay it, though, it’s just that he couldn’t stand to be late for this sort of thing. Usually, what bothered him the most was to fall into irresponsibility and disorganization, but this wasn’t that. He just got confused because of the amount of things going on in his head these days: His dad was still recovering from his heart attack, and no matter how much he loved him, having to take care of him was very stressful. That, and the fact that he had to run to get ready for his performance for Glee club right after that class must’ve mixed up his memories.

He cursed under his breath at the same time as a male voice whispered behind the locker door. He closed it slowly and saw Sam standing there, his back against the lockers and his hand holding on too tight onto his backpack strap. He was sort of smiling, though it looked more like an uncomfortable smirk.

“Kaltxì,” he said with a slightly deepened voice.

“Excuse me?” Kurt asked.

Sam looked at him with a blank expression, like Kurt was missing something he was supposed to understand.

“Kaltxì. It means ‘hello’ in na’vi. Avatar?”

“Oh.” He didn’t know what else to say.

Kurt was starting to feel relieved to know Sam was straight. The day before, Mercedes had told him that Quinn told her that Sam kept talking in na’vi after she mentioned Avatar once. Though he was charming and handsome and had those beautiful lips, that was too much for him to handle, it was perfectly fine for Quinn to have him. He didn’t care.

“I was looking for you,” Sam said.

“Is that so?” Kurt asked while he checked if he closed the locker door correctly.

“Yeah, it was about your song this week” He replied in kind of a shy whisper. Kurt frowned while he tried his best to look Sam in the eye, and it seemed like Sam was also having trouble looking at him directly. It was probably because of the whole talking to him while he was in the shower thing, something he had yet to apologize for, though he really didn’t look anywhere he shouldn’t have. Sam licked his lips and looked around before speaking again. “I really liked it. I had never heard it before, but it was nice.”

It seemed like he wanted to add something else, but he didn’t. Kurt couldn’t help but smile at that adorable compliment. There was something about the way Sam pushed through the awkwardness just to say the words that was more compelling than he wished.

“Oh, thank you.” Kurt said. He smiled a little, hoping he wasn’t blushing. He looked for something else to say. Some appropriate way to respond. “I’m glad you liked it. I liked your duet with Quinn, too. It was cute, and it was probably for the best that you two sang together.” He tried very hard not to sound bitter, but he wasn’t sure he sounded convincing enough, even though it was technically the truth.

He was surprised to hear Sam’s next words.

“I don’t think so,” He replied. He seemed a little shaky, like he had taken a huge dose of caffeine and was now suffering the consequences. “I mean, it was nice singing with Quinn, but I really wanted to sing with you. Even more so after seeing what you did up there yesterday. You’re really great, dude. You put, like, a hundred times the effort that anyone else in the club put in, and you were only one person. You should have won.”

This time Kurt was sure he was blushing. It took him a second to realize Sam was blushing too. That partly made him feel more comfortable, but also partly made him feel like he’d stop breathing at anytime. He wished Sam would just walk away, but he stayed, cheeks as rosy as his lips and a warm smile. Kurt smiled back, and Sam’s face seemed to light up a little.

Kurt swallowed and hoped his voice wouldn’t crack when he spoke.

“I would’ve loved to sing with you too, Sam. But I’m afraid letting you go was the best choice for everyone.”

“You mean for Finn.” Sam said quickly, like he was afraid he would miss his chance to speak. “He was the only one who had a problem with it.”

“That doesn’t mean he was wrong,” Kurt said, unable to hide the sadness in his voice. He sighed and leaned closer to Sam as he said: “Listen, Sam. Outside of the choir room, this is not a safe place for me. There was no need to make it unsafe for you, too. But you’re a really nice guy, and you’re really talented, and I’d love to sing with you someday, when things are a bit…Different.”

Sam frowned a little bit, which made him look like a pouty tall child. He nodded while looking at Kurt like he just said something stupid. Kurt didn’t know whether he should say something else or just wait for his annoyance to wear off, and he was about to make up an excuse to leave when Sam took a deep breath and seemingly shook off whatever he was feeling.

“We don’t have to wait,” He said. “We can sing together now.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow.

“Now?”

“I mean, not now. Later. You can come over to my house after class and we can do it just for ourselves. I have a song for us.”

“You do?” Kurt asked, sounding more surprised than he expected.

He could hear Sam swallow while nervously touching his very much dyed hair.

“Yeah, I mean, after you sent me those audios… I started thinking about songs and I had a list and everything in case you wanted some suggestions. I was going to show you, but you spoke first, I guess.”

It surprised Kurt to hear him so genuinely sad, and it made him feel guilty for not knowing it was actually important to him. He thought Sam agreed to sing with him at the beginning of the week to do him a favor more than anything, besides the fact that he didn’t really know what other choices he had. He couldn’t have imagined that he’d put so much thought into it.

He figured he owed it to him to at least sing whatever song he wanted to sing together, but it was Friday, and he was not about to miss a Friday dinner with his dad after what happened the last time he tried. However, he was not supposed to make dinner that day, since Carole offered to cook, and they even went to the supermarket together the day before to get all the ingredients she needed for a healthier version of her famous lasagna that would not be risky for his dad to eat given the circumstances. That meant he could take an hour to go to Sam’s house and still be on time for dinner.

“Sure,” Kurt said. “Can’t wait to hear what you have.”

Luckily, Sam’s house wasn’t too far away from McKinley. All it took to get there was a five-minute drive, which Sam was thankful for since he confessed that he usually walks home from school and viceversa. After this brief and mostly quiet ride, Kurt parked in front of the house, and he helped Sam get his guitar from the backseat before getting out of the car.

Outside, the house was nothing special, just a replica of every other house in Lima. Inside, it was kind of a mess. There were toys scattered around and boxes piled up against the walls. Sam started picking up things as they made their way into the living room.

“I’m so sorry. Mom and Dad are busy with work and me with school, so we haven’t had the time to find a place for everything. And my little brother and sister, well, they’re kids.” Sam tried to laugh it off, but it just came out awkward.

Kurt tried not to look around too much, and kept his arms crossed while he waited for Sam to make some space so they could walk without tripping over something.

“It’s okay, Sam. There’s no need to apologize.”

He wanted to say something else to reassure him, like that his house was messy too, but he didn’t want to lie. He couldn’t stand to live in such a messy space, and he was afraid Sam already sensed that in him, and that was most likely the reason for his apologies. If Kurt was Finn or any of the other guys, he probably wouldn’t have said a thing, because he knew they wouldn’t have cared at all.

Kurt had to admit, those kinds of realizations did feel alienating sometimes.

Once they made their way into the much neater living room, Sam left his guitar on the couch and quickly took off his jacket.

“Well, Kurt. Do you want me to play it or play it?” He picked up the guitar again as he finished the question.

“Oh” Kurt said. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to make Sam feel like he had to play the song himself, but he was afraid that, if he chose the other option, it might seem like he didn’t want to hear him sing. He ended up shrugging, and simply said: “Whichever you prefer.”

Sam smiled and walked across the room with his guitar in hand. He picked up a folder off the coffee table and threw it on the couch.

“C’mon, man. Sit down.” He said.

Kurt hesitated before walking over to the couch and sat down beside the plastic folder, from which Sam retrieved a couple of pages of sheet music that he gave to Kurt, who curiously searched for the title.

All About You, by McFly.

He had never heard of the song. But the name of the band seemed familiar in a boy band kind of way. Was it a boy band? No way it was a boy band. And the lyrics were… cute, but a bit cheesy. He didn’t get the time to ask anything about it before Sam started playing the guitar. A simple, comforting riff.

It’s all about you
It’s all about you, baby

Sam’s voice was as comforting as the sound of the guitar. It was soft and sweet, and sounded like home, in a way that Kurt couldn’t put his finger around. He took a deep breath as Sam kept singing, but the air seemed to get stuck midway through.

The lyrics floated above his head as he was led by Sam's singing, and during the majority of the song, it was like the couch he was sitting on had turned into a cloud he was sinking into, so he had to force himself to pay attention. It was a romantic song. Once he really started to make sense of the lyrics, all he could think about was how much Finn would hate hearing them both singing that song. He didn’t know why he cared so much about what Finn would think, especially since this wasn’t Glee club. It was just Kurt and Sam. That’s something Finn couldn’t interfere with. And it’s not like Sam cared too much about it. After all, it was Kurt who called off the duet. He had to. Right?

Sam’s voice was still angelic, but Kurt couldn’t focus on it anymore. As the last note played on the guitar and Sam put it down with a big smile on his face, the only thing Kurt could do was clap softly and force a smile that couldn’t match Sam’s.

“So, what do you think?” Sam asked.

Words tripped inside Kurt’s mind. He couldn’t tell him he was starting to wonder if not singing with him was a stupid decision. Truth is, he really wanted to do it. Not here, but in front of everyone. It would’ve been a good way to show everyone that he could belong, that he wasn’t doomed to a life where he had to do a duet by himself.

He wished he didn’t care so much about what other people thought. And he wished he could be the version of himself he tried to show the world. The one that didn’t care about being alone.

However, no matter what the rest of the club thought about him, it was nice to know that at least Sam, the new kid, thought he was good enough.

“It was incredible,” Kurt said as he interlocked his own fingers together. His hands were kind of sweaty. He hated that. “But I’m not sure if it’s the right choice for us.”

Sam frowned a little bit as he placed his hands on his hips.

“Why?”

He didn’t know exactly how to answer that question without sounding stupid. It was more than just the fact that the song wasn’t his style at all. It was that, even if they were alone, it still felt like they were standing in front of everyone else. He had to reassure himself that they were completely alone.

He got up from the couch with the sheet music in his hand and walked over to Sam.

“You know what? It doesn’t matter. Let’s do it.”

Their little private rehearsal was interrupted less than half an hour later, when Sam got a call from his dad asking him to pick up his siblings from somewhere. Kurt was thankful for the interruption, though they were having a good time figuring out how to work around the song, a complicated ordeal since Kurt was not easy to please when it came to the arrangements of a song he wouldn’t ever sing if it wasn’t for Sam’s request. If anyone else had asked him to sing that song he wouldn’t have accepted, but Sam’s effort was… Adorable.

Kurt was about to get into his car when he noticed Sam running to him. He could have sworn he had already started walking in the opposite direction.

“Why don’t you come back tomorrow?” Sam asked.

Kurt noticed his sweaty hands again. He wanted to ask why he’d want him to come over again, but he just nodded.

“Sure. What time?”

“Cool! I’ll text you.” Sam replied before walking away.

Kurt spent the entire drive home wondering why Sam Evans insisted so much on spending time with him. It was confusing after an entire week of people implying that he was pressuring Sam into something he didn’t want to do. But it was clear that nobody understood who Sam was, and Kurt really wanted to find out.

The table was already set when he got home. Carole was taking the lasagna out of the oven while his dad and Finn watched a football game in the living room. His dad turned off the tv as soon as he noticed Kurt’s presence, which left Finn with a confused look on his face.

“Thought you weren’t gonna make it, kiddo.”

“I wouldn’t miss this dinner for the world.” Kurt said.

“Finn, honey, why don’t you help me with this?” Carole asked from the kitchen.

Finn looked at Kurt for a second. When they had dinner together, that was usually the kind of thing Carole asked Kurt. But Finn got up after just a moment and left Kurt and his dad alone.

His dad waited for Finn to be out of sight to finally speak.

“I’m proud of you, son.” Burt said. “I knew you were going to do the right thing, and Finn says you did great.”

Kurt nodded. That was not exactly what he was expecting to hear from him.

“Thank you, Dad.”

“You know, it’s gonna get better. All that you said you wanted, you’re gonna get it sooner or later.”

Carole’s voice interrupted them once again.

“Dinner is served,” she announced.

Dinner was delicious and a pleasant time in general. Kurt’s dad seemed to be much more relaxed and happier than a few days ago, cracking jokes and telling anecdotes about work that made it obvious how much he wanted to go back to it. Finn talked about his football practice and how he thought the team was finally getting better, and Carole praised Kurt’s choice of ingredient substitutes for dinner that apparently made almost no difference from her original recipe, but Kurt didn’t feel much like talking. It wasn’t like there was much he could actually say about his day.

He helped Carole with the dishes after dinner and then went outside to get some air.

It was already dark outside, and Finn was sitting on one of the yard’s plastic chairs with a bottle of coke in his hand. He turned around when he heard the door and smiled at Kurt before calling him over with his free hand.

Kurt sat on the chair next to him and crossed his legs, trying to cover himself as much as he could with his cardigan as he was suddenly overcome by the cold air.

“Are we okay, dude?” Finn asked.

“No hard feelings.” Kurt replied.

“I wasn’t trying to be an asshole, you know.”

“I know.”

Finn nodded. He took a sip of his coke while Kurt looked at the tree he used to sit under with his mom while she read him a book. It took him a moment to notice Finn staring at him.

“Where were you, by the way? I saw you driving the wrong way after school.”

If he was asking like that, it meant he didn’t see Sam get into his car, but it still made him nervous to think that someone else might have seen them and it could make Sam regret hanging out with him and withdraw from him like people usually did, like he had something contagious they were running away from. He knew deep down that Sam wasn’t that kind of guy, but it was hard for him to see the best in people after what happened with Finn in the basement.

“I had something to do.” Is all he said.

Finn gently touched his arm with his elbow.

“Come on, man. You can trust me.”

There it was. That thing Finn did sometimes to get on his good side whether it was intentional or not, to prove that they were friends. Kurt was still skeptical about it, like he was on some kind of free trial. It was weird, because it seemed like Finn felt the exact same thing.

“I went to a friend’s house.” Kurt knew it was a dumb answer from the moment he said it, because he knew Finn knew he didn’t really have any friends outside of the club.

“Whose house?” He asked. When did he become so nosy?

Kurt sighed as he leaned back in his chair trying not to look as tense as he was.

“Sam’s.” Kurt said, and quickly added, “Before you say anything, he asked me to come over. Don’t think I followed him home like a creep.”

Finn’s answer was unexpectedly gentle.

“I don’t think you’re a creep.” He said.

“Well, a lot of people seem to think I am.”

“Well, I don’t.” Finn said, with some soft harshness in his voice. Then, softly, he added, “No one in Glee club thinks you’re a creep.”

Kurt felt all the tension in his body fading away. More than his words, it was the reassuring look on Finn’s face that made him feel better.

“So, you’re not going to tell me to get away from Sam or something equally heartless?” Kurt asked.

“Of course not.”

Finn patted his back twice before he got up and went back inside the house. Kurt had to admit he liked spending time with him and Carole, and it saddened him to know they’d leave soon, and the house would go back to its usual silence. Him and his dad loved each other, but it still felt like there was something invisible pulling them apart. Whatever that was, it disappeared when the Hudson’s came over for dinner or when they spent weekends together. That’s when they seemed most like a family.

Kurt spent the rest of the evening looking through the pages of his monthly copy of Vogue while sitting in the armchair next to the sofa, where his dad was already half-asleep. He looked up from time to time to make sure he was okay, but truth is, he wasn’t particularly focused on his dad or his magazine that night. All he could think about was Sam’s voice singing that song, his fingers swiftly moving through the guitar strings and the smile on his face after he finished playing.

A thought crossed his mind. A really stupid one.

What if Sam wasn’t singing for him but to him instead?

He wasn’t doing it, of course, but Kurt allowed himself to dream about it for a moment. He always wondered what it’d be like to be serenaded by a boy. But that night, he wondered what it’d be like to be serenaded by a sweet, beautiful boy like Sam Evans.

His phone vibrated on the coffee table.

Kurt was a bit scared to look. It’s not like his phone was usually blowing up with texts, so he knew exactly who it was. Though it could also be Mercedes, deep down he knew it wasn’t.

The phone vibrated a second time, then a third. Kurt couldn’t hold his curiosity any longer, so he reached for the phone and nervously bit his lip as he opened the texts.

Sam:

> What about 5pm?
> I know it’s late but maybe we could meet up and grab something to eat at Breadstix before coming to my house if it’s okay
> And don’t worry, we’ll be home alone :D

Kurt read the texts over and over for a while before realizing he had to reply, though for a moment it felt like he had forgotten every single word in the English language. He took a deep breath and tried to form an answer for each text in his mind, but he ended up simply typing:

Kurt:

> Sounds good

> See you tomorrow :)

Chapter Text

Sam was sitting on a bench across the street when Kurt arrived at Breadstix, tapping his foot against the concrete, humming a melody while listening to music on his headphones. Kurt crossed quickly and moved a hand in front of his face, and though it took Sam a few seconds to notice his presence, he took off his headphones as soon as he saw him.

“Hi. Have you been here for too long?” Kurt asked.

“No, not at all,” Sam said. He picked up the plastic bag lying at his feet, “I had to get some stuff from the store.”

They realized Sam didn’t choose the right time to come as soon as they entered Breadstix, as the place was crowded and the waitresses were bumping into each other while taking orders to their tables. They didn’t have a reservation, so they ended up cornered in a table near the restrooms and the food took forever, and while they waited Kurt was tempted to ask Sam why he wanted to have dinner with him, but he feared it might sound weird, like he thought it was a date.

By the time their order arrived, half of the customers had been replaced for new ones, and they didn’t even get a chance to change to a more comfortable table because there was no one around to ask besides the already busy waitresses that could not stop to pay attention to anyone. The waitress arrived with their plates and told them to enjoy their dinner with a tired smile.

“This place is not bad, actually,” Sam said, “Though I don’t get why everyone was so excited to come, I even heard there’s rats here.”

Kurt lowered his fork immediately, even though he hadn’t even started to eat. That’s not exactly a thought someone wants to have while eating dinner, but Sam didn’t seem to care at all. As disgusting as it was, Kurt really liked that about him.

“So, why did your family move here?” Kurt asked.

“Dad’s work. It’s weird, when you move somewhere new you don’t imagine things will be that different but this place feels like a whole new world. School is the weirdest part. I went to an all boys boarding school so I hadn’t even really talked to a girl before coming here. Turns out I kinda feel more comfortable with boys anyway.”

Kurt raised his eyebrows but refused to say a thing. An all boys boarding school. Everyone knew those places were basically factories for gay guys, which made Sam make even less sense than before, though it explained his unique charm. It occurred to Kurt that, even if Sam was completely straight, it was most likely that he knew more gay guys at school than Kurt could ever meet in Ohio.

They spent most of their meal talking about school, first Sam listing the differences between his old school and McKinley, and then Kurt answering his questions about the rest of the club, since Sam only knew the boys from the football team before joining a few days ago.

It must have been around an hour since they sat down when Sam asked for the check, then he turned around and asked Kurt:

“Did you bring money?”

Kurt almost rolled his eyes. Did Sam really think he’d make him pay for his food? He took his wallet out of his pocket and showed it to Sam.

“Of course I did.”

“Well, put it back in your pocket,” Sam said.

“I’m not letting you pay for my food, Sam.”

“I’m not trying to!” Sam replied as he slid a kind of wrinkled coupon for a dinner for two across the table. To be specific, the coupon everyone spent the entire week fighting for.

“Is that what I think it is? Didn’t you and Quinn use it?”

“No. I mean, we had dinner but she made me pay,” Sam said, “it can’t go to waste, so I’m using it with you now.”

Kurt chuckled.

“You better pray Santana doesn’t find out about this. She will kill you with her bare hands if she finds out that you and Quinn didn’t use the prize you won.”

“No one has to find out,” Sam said, “it will be our secret.”

So they were in the sharing secrets stage.

It was getting late, so they got up as soon as the manager authorized the payment. Sam picked up his bag from the floor and they made their way to the exit, but they were about to reach the door when they ran into a couple. Well, not any couple. It was Tina and Mike.

They all stood in front of each other in silence for a moment, until Mike spoke:

“Hi, guys.”

“What are you doing here?” Tina asked, way too eager to know the answer.

Mike touched her with his elbow and gave her a look in a clear attempt to shut her up.

“We just ran into each other,” Sam replied.

He turned around and winked at Kurt.

“Cool, see you on Monday!” Mike said, and they walked past them without saying another word.

They exited the restaurant in silence, and as soon as they were outside, Kurt said:

“Great. Now everyone will know by Monday. Why did it have to be Tina?”

“Don’t worry about it, dude. We ran into each other, remember?”

“Let’s hope people believe that, or else you will get a slushie bath every day until you graduate.”

“I don’t care,” Sam said, “Why do you?”

Kurt didn’t exactly care about it. He just didn’t want to be the cause.

“All that food coloring is terrible for the skin, and yours is very good. Not as good as mine, of course, but it doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be a shame to ruin it.”

Sam shook his head with a smile on his face and put an arm around Kurt’s shoulders in some kind of brotherly gesture he didn’t usually get from other guys.

“C’mon, don’t worry about Tina. Let’s go.”

He walked towards Kurt’s car, parked right around the corner, and it took Kurt a second to get rid of the shock of Sam’s unexpected touch. Kurt caught up with Sam when he was already waiting for him by the car. When they got into the car, Kurt noticed a fluidity in Sam’s movements that wasn’t there before and could only be described as a sense of familiarity. He’d only been in Kurt’s car once before but it seemed like he’d already been in it a hundred times. They buckled up their seatbelts and drove away.

“You know, it’s very stupid to ask someone what they’re doing in a restaurant. It’s pretty clear we weren’t there to buy a new pair of jeans,” Kurt said.

“Just leave it there,” Sam laughed.

“Okay, I’ll leave it. But it is stupid.”

The boys shared a laugh as Sam turned on the radio, where a Lady Gaga song was playing. Kurt turned up the volume, and in a matter of seconds they were both singing along. It was the first time in a long time Kurt felt light inside, like he was made of feathers and floating above everything else while also being entirely present in the real world. It was a nice feeling.

“I didn’t see you as the Gaga type,” Kurt said.

“I don’t live under a rock, dude.”

It was already getting dark when they arrived at Sam’s house. Sam turned on the lights and they both hung their jackets next to the door. As they made their way into the living room, Sam explained that his family left town for the weekend and he made up an excuse to stay, though he didn’t specify why and Kurt didn’t bother to ask no matter how curious he was. As comfortable as he felt with Sam, he still couldn’t help feeling like he had to tiptoe around him to avoid messing things up.

“Alright. I have to go get some stuff upstairs,” Sam announced.

Sam rushed out of the living room and Kurt heard him running upstairs. In the meantime, he walked around the room looking at the family pictures all over the walls. There were a lot of family vacations, trips to Disney World and birthday parties, a beautiful and happy family. There was one picture of Sam where he was smiling at the camera to show off his missing front teeth that made him chuckle.

Sam returned with a little metal box in his hands. He put it on the coffee table and opened it, but Kurt couldn’t see the contents from where he was standing.

“I thought we could film ourselves singing,” Sam said, “my dad’s camera is really good.”

Kurt watched him take out a semi-professional camera and a folding tripod. 

“Okay? But you’re not thinking about something insane like putting that on Youtube, right?”

“Why not?” Sam asked, “Have you seen Justin Bieber? He posted a video on Youtube and now he’s a huge popstar.”

“Justin Bieber? Really?” Kurt replied, crossing his arms.

“It’s an example. But it doesn’t matter if you don’t want to be a popstar, you can be anything you want if you post about it. I was even thinking about posting a video of my impressions. My Sean Connery is awesome. You wanna see?”

“I don’t think I can stop you,” Kurt said.

Sam took a deep breath and tried to harden his expression before talking.

“Shocking! Positively shocking!” He said in a James Bond voice that was both impressive and hilariously awful at the same time.

Kurt tried to suppress his laugh for a second, but it only took a moment before he couldn’t hold it anymore and he cackled, which made Sam smile.

“You have a really nice laugh,” Sam said with a sweet naturality, “A cute smile, too.”

Kurt’s laugh vanished slowly. He looked at Sam, who seemingly had no intentions to take back what he said. He wasn’t joking or making fun of him or trying to make him feel bad. It was an actual compliment.

“Thanks,” is all he could say. How else could he respond?

Sam put the camera back inside the box.

“You know what? Maybe I could just record audio on my phone if you’re okay with that.”

“Why?” Kurt asked.

“Well, in case you don’t want to sing with me ever again.”

“There’s no way that’s going to happen, Sam. I would never refuse a duet with you,” Kurt’s tone was unintentionally but irremediably flirty, so he could just hope Sam didn’t take it the wrong way.

Sam concealedly licked his lips and looked away for a second.

“Still, we sound too good together not to record it. And maybe I want to listen to us every night before I go to sleep, I don’t know.”

Kurt couldn’t hold his smile and felt blood rushing to his face.

“Then I guess we’ll have to do it.”

“You really do have a cute smile,” Sam repeated as he took his phone out of his back pocket. “You know, you look too sad sometimes. I think I’m gonna make it my life’s mission to make you smile.”

They rehearsed the song a couple of times before recording. They moved close to the window for the acoustic, Sam put the phone on a shelf and they both stood at a reasonable distance so their voices and the guitar could be heard clearly. They both shared a look of confirmation right before Sam started recording and playing the guitar, they sang the intro together and Sam did the first verse on his own. Their voices mixed together and took their own ways from time to time, until they sang the last “You” in unison as Sam played the last notes on the guitar.

They sat on the couch and listened to the recording once. It sounded good enough to not repeat it, but truth is neither of them cared too much about it at that moment, and all Kurt could think about was that it was over. The duet was done, so was there any other reason for them to hang out ever again?

“You wanna sleep over?” Sam asked out of nowhere, and Kurt didn’t know exactly how he was looking at him but it seemed to amuse Sam at least a little bit, “I’m not trying to do anything with you, man. Friends sleep over at their friends houses all the time, and I’m alone tonight. It gets kinda scary.”

“There’s no way you’re scared to be here on your own,” Kurt said.

“Does that mean you don’t want to stay?”

Kurt opened his mouth to answer, but closed it immediately. Was this really happening? It took him a second, but he decided at that moment that, if Sam didn’t care, he had to stop caring too. He wasn’t sure if he had a crush on Sam or not, but for some mysterious reason they had become friends that week, and it was useless to search for said reason as it just meant missing out on precious time with him…Time that Sam wanted to share with him as much as he did.

“I’ll have to call my dad to see if he needs me,” Kurt said.

His dad didn’t mind him not coming home, probably because he couldn’t bring himself to tell him about Sam so he said he was sleeping at Mercedes’ house, which at that point was a frequent occurrence. Burt insisted he was okay by himself, but Kurt still called Carole to see if she could go stay with him. She accepted without asking questions, so Kurt managed to get rid of the guilt it caused him to not be at home with his dad, at least enough to enjoy the night.

Kurt and Sam agreed to stay downstairs to watch a movie on the big living room TV, and Sam went upstairs to get some sleeping bags while Kurt made popcorn. Kurt was sitting on the floor with his sleeping bag up to his waist wearing a cotton t-shirt borrowed from Sam in no time while Sam looked through his parents’ DVD collection. He seemed determined to find something specific considering he didn’t stop to look at the details of each DVD before putting them aside. A few minutes later he threw one of the DVDs at Kurt, who caught it in his hands in a reflex reaction. It was Singin’ in the Rain .

“I found it in my mom’s collection a few days ago and remembered you mentioned it when we met, so I watched it and it’s really cool. Those dudes have some sweet moves,” Sam said.

Kurt felt the damaged DVD case with his fingertips. It was obvious how much it had been watched, how many movie nights it starred in. It was strange to think Sam never watched it before, but it was sweet that Kurt was the reason why he finally did.

“And you want to watch it with me now?” Kurt asked.

“Why? You don’t want to?” Sam sounded like he already knew the answer.

He took back the DVD and put it on the player, and turned off the lights before tucking himself into his sleeping bag right next to Kurt.

In the meantime, Kurt couldn’t stop watching Sam’s every move. As moments passed he seemed more and more fascinating, a type of boy Kurt never imagined could even exist. He was a football player who was also handsome, sweet, funny, kind and, even though he seemed to care about popularity, that didn’t stop him from being authentic. In that moment, every doubt Kurt had about whether he had a crush on Sam dissolved into thin air. He did have a crush. A big one.

Sam pressed play and turned up the volume as the movie started, while Kurt placed the bowl of popcorn between them so they could both reach it.

The next hour and forty minutes were filled with sweet comfort. They ran out of popcorn during the first half of the movie, so Kurt had to get up to make more after a brief game of rock paper scissors. During the second half, in between music numbers, Kurt shared bits of trivia about the movie with Sam, who seemed fascinated with everything in a way nobody ever was.

Sam fell asleep almost immediately after the movie ended, but Kurt stayed awake most of the night. It was not only one the most fun nights of his life, it was also the first time he ever actually hung out alone with a boy. A boy who didn’t act like he was a weirdo he needed protection from so he couldn’t catch his freakness. Sam made him feel normal. It was the first time he ever felt normal around a boy.

Kurt didn’t notice exactly when he fell asleep, but suddenly he was sitting under the tree in the backyard of his house, with a book of blank pages in his hands and somebody sitting next to him. He could feel it was his mom, but he could not see her face, only the long light brown hair falling down her shoulders. She said something with a muffled voice, and he tried to ask her to repeat herself, but words refused to come out of his mouth.

When he opened his eyes, he was lying on the floor inside his sleeping bag while Sam loudly snored two feet away from him. Sunbeams leaked through the curtains while birds chirped outside. Kurt sat down and rubbed his eyes before getting up, and picked up his clothes laying on the couch. He quickly put his pants on and changed his shirt trying not to make much noise so Sam wouldn’t wake up. He was putting on his shoes when he heard a deep breath.

“You were leaving without saying goodbye? That’s not cool,” Sam said with a sleepy voice.

“I was going to wake you up,” Kurt replied.

Sam struggled to sit up. His hair was messy in every possible direction and he had drool on his face, which he wiped off with the back of his hand. However, he managed to not look painfully unattractive. He tried fully opening his eyes but ended up squinting in Kurt’s direction.

“You’re going to have breakfast with me, right?”

Kurt looked at the time on the clock on the wall. It was 9:30. His dad was probably awake and, though it was most likely he wasn’t worried about him, Kurt still felt like he had to be home as soon as possible. And spending time with Sam was great, but they already had dinner and a sleepover, and Sam was perfectly able to survive breakfast alone.

“Actually, I should probably go home,” Kurt said.

“Worried about your dad?” Sam asked. He didn’t wait for an answer before adding, “Yeah, you should go be with him. I can’t imagine how you feel, but I understand.”

Sam was barely awake and still managed to be more sympathetic towards him than the entire Glee club was when Kurt’s dad was in a coma. Once again, Kurt was taken aback by him. He nodded, though Sam probably couldn’t even see him.

“Well, thank you for the hospitality. And the shirt.”

“No problem, man.”

Sam sighed and went back to sleep almost immediately, so Kurt left the house as quietly as possible, and this time didn’t wake him up.

Burt and Carole were having breakfast when Kurt got home. He sought to talk about his dad’s night instead of facing whatever question they might have had about his whereabouts, since he couldn’t shake off the feeling that his dad knew he lied. Luckily yet unfortunately, Carole had a lot to say about Burt’s turbulent night. He had a lot of trouble sleeping since his heart attack, with uneasy nights and tired days, and of course the night before wasn’t an exception. Burt didn’t seem happy with Carole sharing that information, and as Kurt set his place on the table, he dropped a piece of plain toast on his plate.

“There’s nothing wrong with my stomach. Why do you two keep feeding me like I have indigestion?” He complained, then he looked over at Carole while pointing at Kurt, “I thought this guy was the one being too strict but turns out you’re just like him.”

He tried to sound angry, but both Kurt and Carole knew he was just trying to divert the conversation away from his actual problems.

“You have to be patient, Dad. You’re not going to feel any better if you go back to only eating burgers and pizza.”

Burt raised his eyebrows and took another bite off his toast while looking at Kurt with a strange expression on his face.

“You fell asleep early last night,” He said.

Kurt’s body tensed up instantly, but he tried his best to shake it off and look unconcerned as he stirred his tea.

“Huh?”

“I called Mercedes’ house last night because I didn’t remember where my pills were and calls weren’t getting through to your cell phone for some stupid reason. She said you were asleep and it wasn’t even 10 o’clock. Still don’t understand why she didn’t wake you up, but thank God, Carole found those damn pills.”

There was the guilt again. Why weren’t the calls coming through? What if something bad happened and he didn’t find out because of that?

“I’m so sorry, Dad,” Kurt said.

Carole reached out for Kurt’s hand over the table.

“It wasn’t your fault, honey,” She comforted him.

Nobody said anything else about it, but Kurt still felt his dad’s eyes on the side of his face until they finished breakfast.

Kurt hid in his room for the rest of the morning to avoid more questions, and even had lunch in there with the excuse that he had to study for an important exam, hoping his dad would forget about everything soon. He usually didn’t give him problems with whatever he chose to do with his time, but Kurt generally didn’t lie about where he spent the night. A part of him wanted to come clean and tell his dad about Sam, but a bigger part knew it would look bad if he confessed that he actually spent the night with a boy, and he really didn’t want his dad to get the wrong idea.

It was around 2 pm when he got two texts from Mercedes.

Mercedes:

> Did you forget about me?

> Hello?! I’ve been waiting for you for AN HOUR! 😡

It hit him suddenly that it was Sunday. A few days before, they had talked about going shopping after Mercedes left church because she needed a new outfit for her cousin’s birthday party the following weekend and she wouldn’t have time to shop during the week. He apologized with a total of five texts filled with synonyms of the word “sorry” to truly emphasize how much he meant it, and only got one text back:

Mercedes:

> I’ll check out some stuff while you get here. But if you’re not here by 3 I won't have any problems kicking your ass.

It was the first time she talked to him like that, and she hadn’t been that pissed off in a while. And even during previous occasions she was angry, she was always particularly sweet to him, and the language she was using was reserved for some specific people. Actually, it was reserved for Rachel. God, was he really making her as mad as Rachel did? That was messed up, but he had it coming.

He couldn’t escape his dad on the way out.

“Hey, Kurt, where are you going now? Weren’t you studying?”

Kurt turned around slowly and forced a smile on his face.

“I forgot I had plans with Mercedes.”

“Weren’t you at her house last night?”

“Yes, but I have to help her do some shopping today.”

Again, he received that suspicious look. And while he didn’t do anything wrong the night before, his dad didn’t know that, all he knew was that Kurt was lying and that was bad enough for him.

When he arrived at the mall less than half an hour later, he found Mercedes sitting on a bench eating ice cream. She pointed at him with the spoon and, though her face was serious, she didn’t seem particularly mad when she got up and walked in his direction. In fact, she was giggling.

“Did I scare you with those texts?” She asked.

“Yes, you did, actually.”

Mercedes laughed and tossed away the plastic cup and spoon in the nearest trash can before kissing both sides of Kurt’s face, then she interlocked their arms together and they walked to the store of her choice.

“Okay, Kurt, I know you know what I’m thinking about,” Mercedes announced while they passed the security guard at the store’s entrance, “You made me lie last night and didn’t even warn me about it, so you have to thank me for being such a good friend. And you owe me an explanation.”

Kurt had to take a moment to think, keeping his eyes on the ugly jeans folded on the shelves to his left. It was a terrible cover because they were hideous and Mercedes knew him enough to know he wouldn’t be interested in them, but at least she had the decency to respect that he needed to find the right words. In a matter of seconds, he spoke in a very contained voice:

“I panicked, and didn’t know what to tell Dad. I should’ve let you know so you were prepared. I’m sorry.”

“Okay,” Mercedes said, and silence lingered between them for an awkward amount of time. It was obvious she expected more of him, but he barely bothered to even look at her while they walked towards the women’s section of the store. She stopped walking and let go of Kurt’s arm so she could stand in front of him, arms crossed and head tilted slightly, “Alright, Kurt Hummel. That’s not an explanation, it's a half-assed apology. Tell me, why did you panic? Where did you sleep?”

Kurt crossed his arms and shrugged, looking to the side for a second.

“I was at someone’s house. Someone my dad doesn’t know, and I didn’t want him to worry about me sleeping at a stranger’s house.”

“A stranger?” Mercedes asked, and Kurt shrugged again, which brought a playful smile to her face that scared Kurt more than it comforted him, “Kurt? Is there any chance that this stranger is a boy?”

Kurt sighed.

“Does it matter?”

“Of course it matters. You know why? Because I’m your best friend and you’re supposed to tell your best friend about cute boys you might be seeing. Unless you’re replacing me, something I would never forgive. Did you hear me?” She ended the sentence with a frown.

Kurt chuckled, making Mercedes laugh, and he kissed her cheek while intertwining their arms again.

“You’re crazy, Mercedes Jones. You know you are the only girl for me, and the most fabulous and stylish in Ohio, I must say.”

“Don’t try to compliment your way out of this. You still owe me that explanation.”

“I don’t know, Mercedes. Maybe I shouldn’t….”

“So it is a boy,” She said, and this time she wasn’t asking. However, she didn’t sound as demanding as she did before. “Do I know him? Is he from school?”

Kurt sighed again as they approached a line of earthy-colored dresses. Mercedes pointed at a rack a few feet away, where they hid the dresses that didn’t match the autumn theme. Bright colors and flowery patterns awaited. They had to let go of each other to be able to walk through the narrow space between racks, so Kurt ended up walking behind Mercedes.

“Yes, it is a boy and he is from school. But it’s not what you think.”

“Well? Who and what is it then?” She insisted. As it became obvious that he didn’t have any intentions of giving her a clear answer, she stopped walking and turned around, “You can trust me. I’m not gonna tell anyone.”

Kurt let out a sarcastic laugh.

“Right, like you didn’t tell anyone when you found out Puck was the father of Quinn’s baby last year.”

“That’s not fair, Mister. I did that because it was affecting the team.”

“What if this affects the team?” Kurt whispered.

Mercedes frowned a bit before the realization clearly hit her and her expression hardened and softened again in a matter of seconds. They both knew he wouldn’t be so secretive if it was any boy from Glee club except for one, the one everyone had their attention on for the past week.

“So you were right about him?” Mercedes asked in a soft voice.

“I don’t think so,” Kurt replied, “but he’s friendly. I’m guessing he feels bad for the duet situation.”

“Or maybe he wants to hang out with you because you’re amazing,” she said with a serious expression that broke into a contagious smile right before she turned back around and kept walking, “What did you two do at your little sleepover?”

Kurt hesitated before answering, unsure if he should tell her about their secret duet. It was a silly thing to hide, but it still felt right to keep it to himself. Right and smart.

“We had dinner at Breadstix and a movie night, basically,” he said.

“Sounds like a date to me,” Mercedes remarked.

“It wasn’t.”

“ He invited you , right?” she asked as she turned around to look at Kurt and he nodded, “Well, if a guy invited me to dinner and then we watched a movie at his place I’d figure it was a date. Did he pay?”

“Not really.”

“Not really ?”

“No, he didn’t pay,” obviously, Kurt refrained from adding the part where he didn’t pay either, “And I would’ve known if it was a date. It wasn’t.”

“If you say so,” Mercedes stopped in front of the rack she pointed at earlier and started looking at the dresses while Kurt caught up with her, and she added, “I won’t insist anymore, but you have to keep me posted in case anything else happens.”

Kurt wished Mercedes didn’t put that idea in his head because he knew he wasn’t going to stop thinking about it until Sam gave him a sign of the real reason why everything happened. But, as the straight guy Sam obviously was, there was no way he had even considered something like that could go through a guy’s head about a friendly invitation.

“I will if you…”

“I won’t say anything, Kurt,” Mercedes assured, “I care about the team but I care about you more, and I’m not going to ruin this for you if it makes you happy. It makes you happy, right?”

Kurt smiled as he nodded shyly, scared to admit how much he truly enjoyed his time with Sam. There was no way to describe the desperation devouring his insides at the thought of seeing him again at school, and there was no way he could admit aloud that the last two days were his happiest in years. And even if he could, he didn’t think anyone could understand.

Chapter Text

After a week wasted on a failed production of Rocky Horror, Mr. Schue decided the best way to get back on track was to do a boys vs. girls competition where boys did songs by girl groups and girls did the opposite, except it didn’t exactly seem like a competition since, unlike the duets competition a few weeks back, this one didn’t even have a prize. It was hard for Sam to take it seriously, but he knew he had to participate, and the boys were confident in their future victory. Apparently, the year before they swept the floor with the girls, though nobody officially won due to something about vitamins. Weird.

But if he had to be honest, the only real reason he was there was Kurt. He was paying too much attention to him lately, and every time they were in the same room together he couldn’t help notice every move he made, every word he said and every smile that appeared on his face. Sadly, the smiles were rare these last few days, and Sam didn’t feel comfortable enough to ask why. They had barely spoken since their sleepover, nothing besides some texts and awkward hellos shared whenever they saw each other, whether it was on the hallways or in Glee club. It was almost like Kurt was intentionally avoiding him. Sam couldn’t get the idea that he did something wrong out of his head, but he also couldn’t figure out what.

That day, sitting in that classroom with the rest of the boys, Kurt was focused on the assignment and seemed to be trying too hard not to make eye contact with him specifically. He stood in front of the group and started explaining his vision for their performance.

“Now, obviously, for this medley to work I’m gonna have to sing lead, and, of course, when you’re singing Diana Ross, Bob Mackie-esque marabou feather boas are a must,” Kurt said.

Sam was sitting at the back, trying not to get too involved, while the boys seemed confused.

“Isn’t this lesson about opposites?” Artie asked, looking at Finn and Mike. Then he turned to Kurt, and added, “I mean, you in a sequin gown and a feather boa is exactly what you’d expect.”

“Who said anything about a gown?” Kurt quickly replied.

Puck stepped out of his corner to intervene.

“Dude, why don’t you make yourself useful and go put some rat poison in them old folks’ jell-o or visit the Garglers?”

“The Warblers,” Kurt corrected him, clearly annoyed.

“Whatever. See what they’re up to,” Puck continued, “You can wear all the feathers you want. You’ll blend right in.”

Kurt’s face dropped as he looked around as if to see if anyone would disagree with Puck, but they all stayed silent. After a moment, Kurt simply said:

“Fine.”

As he walked out of the classroom, the boys shared confused looks that quickly turned into an enthusiasm that made Sam feel both uncomfortable and guilty. He was still getting used to the group dynamic, so he really didn’t expect them to treat him like that.

“Guys, that was really mean,” Sam said.

No one really paid attention to him, except for Puck, who shrugged.

“He’ll survive.”

Sam didn’t see Kurt for the rest of the day. He took out his cell phone several times with the intention of texting him just to ask if he was okay, but at the same time he was deeply embarrassed for not standing up for him earlier. He tried to keep focus on his classes, on everything he was still getting used to, but every thought led to him. He was everywhere, but nowhere to be seen.

When he got home, he locked himself in his bedroom and played their recorded duet on his iPod while looking at the last text they shared. Some stupid meme Sam sent him to which Kurt replied with a couple of emojis, no words to remember, nothing that showed any more interest than what two strangers could have for each other. Except Sam was way more interested than a stranger could ever be. In fact, he was more interested than anyone else was. He tried not to think too much about it, closed his eyes and let himself get carried away by their voices together. There was something about Kurt’s voice that comforted him in a way he never felt before. It was more than just its angelic sound, it was a sense of familiarity that everything about Kurt gave him. Like he knew him his entire life.

They didn’t have a Glee club meeting the next day because Mr. Schue had to deal with some personal affairs, so the boys decided to use the free time to rehearse. Sam was on his way to the auditorium when he ran into Kurt in the hallway, walking with that beautiful confidence no one could take away from him, except he was walking the wrong way. Kurt pretended not to see him until Sam called his name and ran to him.

“Hey, you’re not going to rehearsal?” Sam asked, and for a second he feared maybe no one had told him.

Kurt didn’t seem happy, but he didn’t seem mad either. It was impossible for Sam to read his expression.

“I have things to do. It’s not like they’ll notice my absence anyway.”

“What are you talking about? You’re part of the team, man,” Sam said.

Kurt took a step closer to him, looking him in the eye for the first time since the sleepover. It was weird, because they only watched a movie that night, but still it felt like they shared something deeply intimate. Something that, for some reason, Kurt didn’t want to accept, and he could see that in the way he looked at him, with some aggressive shame in his eyes.

“Did you notice no one bothered to ask me what I found out at Dalton?” Kurt asked with a bitter voice, and Sam shook his head, “They don’t care, Sam. They just wanted to get rid of me,” He kept looking at Sam while his words sank in, then he held onto his bag and walked away, but he stopped a few meters away and turned around just to say, “And, in case you’re wondering, I blew my cover.”

Sam watched Kurt disappear around the corner. He should’ve apologized. No, he should’ve stood up for him the day before and maybe it would all be okay. In the end, he was part of the problem, and now Kurt thought he cared as little as the other boys. Worst part was Sam didn’t know how the hell he was going to fix that.

He had to force himself to go to rehearsal. In the auditorium there was Mike working in the choreography while Finn attentively watched him, while Artie and Puck talked in a corner. No one seemed to notice his presence, so he just dropped his backpack on the floor to catch everyone’s attention and walked up to Mike and Finn, the only ones who were actually working. He actually had the intention to ask them how the number was going, but just seeing them working with so much naturality pissed him off big time. Was it always like that? Didn’t they care about Kurt? About their friend? Didn’t Finn care about the boy who was practically his brother ?

“Hey, Finn,” Sam said.

Finn gave him a confused look and Sam gestured to the side so he’d follow him. It took Finn a moment to agree, but he ended up nodding before telling Mike to keep up the good work, and followed Sam backstage. Finn crossed his arms and looked to the other boys one last time before placing all his attention on Sam.

“Everything good, man?” Finn asked.

“I don’t know, is it?” Sam replied, to which Finn reacted with a frown, “Kurt should be here right now with the rest of us, but he isn’t and that’s on you. You’re the leader and you’re almost his freaking brother, but you care about everyone else more than you care about him. So, no, everything is not good, man.”

Finn chuckled at Sam’s outburst, which was probably a nervous reaction but still made Sam want to punch him in the face. Finn put a hand on his shoulder and leaned a little bit so he could speak lower.

“Look, Sam. I know you care about him, alright? I care about him, too. But you’re new here, you don’t know him like we do. You know what happened last year when we had to do this? He gave us a bunch of crazy ideas that nobody else liked and ratted us out to the girls when we didn’t accept them. This is the best for all of us.”

“Then maybe you should try to hear some of his crazy ideas,” Sam said, “Because it seems like no one around here really cares about what he has to say.”

“I care, trust me,” Finn replied, “He knows I care.”

Sam tried really hard to believe Finn, and while he did, he realized something. He said he knew he cared about Kurt. How did he get that idea? Was it because of that talk they had on duet week, when Finn tried to convince him not to sing with Kurt? What else could he possibly be talking about?

“Wait,” He whispered, “What do you mean you know I care about him?”

“We had a little talk. He told me you invited him over,” Finn said, “And that’s totally cool, I mean, he needs a friend like you. You’re a cool dude, but you worry too much. He’s gonna be okay, I promise.”

At least that way Sam knew Kurt wasn’t embarrassed about going to his house, though for what he could hear of Kurt’s talk with his dad over the phone the night of the sleepover it was obvious he didn’t want anyone to know about his existence, or else he wouldn’t have made up that he was staying at Mercedes’ house. Sam nodded and forced a smile, Finn patted his back and they both returned to the stage area.

They were about to join Mike when Kurt showed up from the other side of the stage and casually left his bag on the floor before walking up to them. He had changed his tight jeans for some sweatpants and a sweatshirt, both with a silver star pattern, and he didn’t seem nearly as mad as he was when Sam saw him in the hallway, and Finn immediately turned to Sam as if to say “I told you so.” 

“What did I miss?” Kurt asked.

“Mike is trying to figure out how to do a choreography that even I can keep up with,” Finn joked.

Kurt chuckled, and his gaze met Sam’s eyes for a split second.

“We’re going to be here for a while, then,” Kurt said.

The number turned out unexpectedly great, but Mr. Schue once again refused to declare a winner, so the whole thing was anticlimactic. But at least the rest of the week starting from that first rehearsal had run smoothly, though Sam noticed a shift in Kurt's energy around Wednesday. It was like he was completely drained of it and was forcing himself to seem normal, and would have succeeded if Sam wasn’t so focused on him. He asked Kurt a couple of times, but all Kurt did was force a smile and say he was okay.

Sam texted him on Friday after the number to ask if he was free, but Kurt simply said he had to have dinner with his dad, which made him feel stupid just for asking, but he was so desperate to spend time alone with him… At least one honest moment between them. But instead of that he ended up hanging out with Quinn.

Contrary to the public opinion, Sam and Quinn were not dating. It could’ve seemed like they were, especially since they had that one date after they won the duet competition, but the truth is it was not nearly as good as either of them expected. Quinn didn’t seem to understand his impressions and he was pretty sure she wasn’t even attracted to him, and soon he realized he didn’t like her that way either, but they did enjoy each other’s company and Quinn seemed enthusiastic about the idea of them both being prom royalty in a few months, something Sam didn’t mind at all. They were hanging out a lot, though most times they didn’t talk much, they just existed in the same space at the same time. That evening they were in Quinn’s room, him pacing around the room and looking through her make up boxes while she painted her toenails and some Fiona Apple played through the speakers on top of her dresser.

“You don’t seem happy,” Quinn said without looking up. Her voice was soft but it felt sharp.

“I don’t think I am,” Sam replied.

“And I’m guessing you don’t want to talk about it.”

“You guess correctly.”

“You’ve been acting weird since… I honestly don’t remember,” Quinn finally looked up while she capped her pink nail polish, “Seriously, Sam, you’re starting to freak me out. Can’t you do all this pacing around your own room?”

Sam stopped to look at Quinn. She was so undeniably beautiful he almost felt guilty for not having romantic feelings for her, and he thought maybe he could have them if his mind wasn’t elsewhere. But how was it possible for him to be so distracted by a boy that he couldn’t even feel attracted to the most beautiful girl he had ever seen? It wasn’t like it mattered considering she didn’t like him that way, but still, he could’ve had a sweet unrequited crush on her.

“I don’t think I could talk about this even if I wanted to,” He said.

“Why not?” Quinn asked, but kept talking before he could even answer, “And don’t tell me it’s too complicated because there’s no way your feelings are more complicated than mine have been for the last year. There have been days where I've had more mood swings than you will have your entire life.”

The drama in Quinn’s statement made Sam laugh.

“That’s exactly why I can’t talk about this with you of all people."

Quinn raised an eyebrow and pretended to be offended for a moment, but Sam could tell she was thankful she didn’t have to hear him talk about his problems. It was nice to have someone around who didn’t try to force him to speak, so he couldn’t really be offended by her lack of interest.

Kurt was unreachable for the rest of the weekend and it was driving Sam insane. He left messages, sent memes and even called him, but he refused to answer. The only way he had to know he was okay and hadn’t been murdered or something was that Quinn told him about some place Mercedes went to with him on Saturday. However, it was not nearly enough. He needed Kurt to tell him why he was avoiding him and whether it was his fault or not. He couldn’t even hide from himself the fact that he noticed Kurt must have had at least a little crush on him, so it made no sense for him to try to stay away.

First thing he did Monday morning was casually walk by Kurt’s locker, where he was talking to Mercedes. He couldn’t tell if he pretended not to see him or not, but Mercedes smiled and waved at him as he passed by. Sam was so disappointed by the whole thing he couldn’t not stay a few meters away from them, watching them from afar like the creep he never thought he could be. Kurt seemed lively and energetic, smiling and making Mercedes laugh out loud. It was not the same Kurt as last week, at least not until Karofsky walked by and they both shared a very unfriendly look. That’s when Sam saw it. The same look he had from Wednesday last week as if he was suddenly drained of all energy. He didn’t stop to think about it too much and kept looking at Kurt instead, heard Mercedes ask if he was okay, then Kurt closed his locker and they both walked away, Mercedes with a hand on Kurt’s back.

“Hey, dude,” A voice said behind him.

He turned around and saw Finn squinting at him. He felt his face turn red but tried to keep it cool, hoping Finn wouldn’t notice.

“Hey, what’s up?” He asked.

“Snooping much?”

“What?” Sam quickly said.

“He’s not talking to you?” Finn asked, “What did you do?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I mean, he should be all over you or something,” Finn said, and Sam tilted his head a little bit, to which Finn added, “Trust me, I know how he acts when he has a crush.”

“You think maybe he doesn’t have a crush on me?” Sam asked.

Finn chuckled.

“You sound disappointed, man,” He patted his back once and walked away, leaving Sam kind of embarrassed, with his face redder and hotter than ever.

Maybe he was disappointed. He liked the thought of someone having a crush on him. No, he liked the idea of Kurt having a crush on him, which was an entirely different thing. The problem is Finn just confirmed he didn’t. Did Sam imagine the whole thing? Did he get the wrong idea when Kurt asked to sing with him? Was everything he did ever since wrong ?

He felt like he was floating the rest of the day. In a bad way.

At the end of the day when it was time for the first Glee club meeting of the week, he sat next to Quinn in the back row, only a couple of seats away from Kurt and Mercedes, both of whom continued to ignore his existence. However, rehearsal was cut short when Mr. Schue almost passed out and had to go to the nurse’s office, and though it sucked to see him ill, Sam had to admit leaving that room as quickly as possible didn’t sound bad at all.

Sam said goodbye to almost everyone before leaving the choir room, then followed Kurt into the parking lot at a safe distance to not scare him away, and finally ran to catch up with him while he was getting into his car. He had to hold the door open before Kurt closed it, and they were forced to look at each other in the face for the first time in a while. Kurt’s eyes widened and for a moment he seemed genuinely freaked out, like he wasn’t looking at Sam, the guy who was dying to be his friend, and he was just some creep following him.

“What are you doing?” Kurt asked, but he didn’t try to close the door.

“I don’t know, man. What are you doing?”

Kurt rolled his eyes. 

“I’m trying to leave, as you can see. If only you let go of the door...”

“I won’t let go until you tell me what the hell I did wrong.”

Kurt sighed as he slid his hand off the door, and Sam realized it had been a while since Kurt voluntarily looked at him without looking away two seconds later.

“You didn't do anything wrong, Sam.”

“Then why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not…” Kurt started, then sighed again, “Okay, I am. But it’s not your fault, it’s just…”

“Do you have a crush on me?” Sam asked, more aggressively than he intended.

However, Kurt didn’t seem freaked out this time.

“Does it matter?” He said, but it sounded like such a loud “yes” it overwhelmed Sam to the point of being speechless. As he lost his chance to speak, Kurt added, “Look, Sam, can we talk about this later? I have somewhere else to be.”

Sam slowly let go of the door, and Kurt didn’t even bother to look at him again before closing it and driving away. As he watched him leave, he felt something sharp deep inside his chest, scratching and leaving an uncomfortable trace behind that he couldn’t get rid of.

Chapter Text

Sam didn’t have to talk to Kurt to find out why he was avoiding him.

It all started on Tuesday, when Mercedes joined him and Quinn in their after school plans without any prior warning for Sam, who was confused when he saw Mercedes already sitting inside Quinn’s car when he got there, and had to sit in the backseat while the girls chatted in the front. While Mercedes bought the tickets at the theater, Sam whispered to Quinn:

“Why did she come with us again?”

“Her plans were canceled and she was sad so I told her she could come. Do you have a problem with that?” Quinn said in a judgy tone.

“Of course not,” Sam replied, a little offended by the suggestion.

He fell asleep in the middle of the movie and was woken up by Quinn slapping his arm. He tried his best to recover as quickly as possible while wiping the drool off his cheek and followed the girls out of the theater, both walking a few steps ahead with their arms intertwined. They decided to go to the food court at the mall afterwards, a bad choice considering how packed it was at that time of the day. The girls looked for an empty table as Sam picked his favorite vendor and bought the food.

Sam looked over his shoulder while waiting in line. It was weird in a nice way to see Quinn so happy to spend time with someone who wasn’t him, since she didn’t seem to have many close friends for such a popular girl. They were sitting very close, laughing so loud he could hear them from where he was standing, and Mercedes would playfully tickle Quinn from time to time. He would’ve felt jealous of their friendship if his mind wasn’t already filled with thoughts.

He took his phone out while he waited to see if Kurt had replied to his last text. He hadn’t. It was obvious he didn’t want to talk to him, but still, Sam needed to so badly he was willing to drop all his dignity just to get his attention. It would be easier if he knew whether Kurt was playing hard to get or simply ignoring him with no hidden reason.

Getting to the table with their food without bumping into one of the dozens of people walking around him was an ordeal, but somehow he made it. He left the plastic tray on the table and sat down next to Mercedes as the girls stopped talking. They both thanked him and each took their burgers, fries and sodas, and Sam quickly noticed how down Mercedes was, looking at her food without eating it. For a moment he thought maybe he was the problem, but after a little while it became obvious that there was something Quinn didn’t tell him.

“Are you okay, Mercedes?” Sam asked.

Mercedes seemed surprised by him talking to her, so it took her a second to answer.

“It’s just Kurt,” She said, and she sounded as disappointed as if her boyfriend let her down, “We were planning this thing since last week and I was really looking forward to it but he canceled last time because he had better plans, apparently.”

“What could be better than hanging out with you?” He asked.

Mercedes’ face lit up, and a smile appeared as she playfully pointed a finger at him.

“That’s what I thought, Mr. Evans,” She replied with a lively tone, “But he seems to think his new friend is more fascinating than me.”

“New friend?” Quinn asked before Sam could.

Everyone in Glee club knew having friends was not Kurt’s strength and that he had a tendency to isolate himself. He pushed most of them away, though during the past week Sam could understand why. However, he couldn’t help feeling betrayed, knowing that maybe the reason Kurt was ignoring him was that he found somebody else to spend time with. But he couldn’t blame him, right? In the end, it was Sam who approached Kurt, and for all he knew it was possible he just played along to be nice.

Mercedes sighed while she dipped one single fry in ketchup, then she looked at both of them.

“I’m not supposed to tell anyone,” She said, “But I can trust you both, right ?”

Quinn held her hand over the table and gave it a light squeeze.

“Of course you can,” Then she turned to Sam, “Right, Sam?”

Sam was listening, but his attention was somehow divided with his own thoughts.

“Sure,” He said.

Mercedes gave him a look he couldn’t decipher, like they were sharing something that Quinn was not supposed to know. It was weird, because they’d never really talked, but it was like she already knew she could trust him.

She held her pinky out.

“Pinky swear.”

Quinn interlocked their pinkies and touched Sam with her elbow, encouraging him to do the same. After the promise was officially made, Mercedes leaned a little over the table as if anyone around them would care about what she was about to say and she needed to be discreet.

“So, Kurt met a boy at Dalton and they’ve been hanging out. A lot,” Mercedes said, “I’ve been hanging out with them, but most times I feel like I’m third wheeling.”

Sam felt little drops of cold sweat on his forehead. He met a boy. Kurt met a boy. That’s all he could think about, and he started thinking about him smiling at this boy the way he smiled at him a couple weekends ago. His chest tightened at the thought. He was not special, and when Kurt said it didn’t matter whether he had a crush on him or not, it was not because he did, it was because he didn’t want to hurt Sam’s feelings, or his ego.

“At Dalton? Is he a Warbler?” Quinn’s voice snapped Sam out of his trance, “That’s our competition.”

“He’s not only a Warbler,” Mercedes replied, careful, “He’s their main vocalist.”

Quinn gave Sam a concerned look, as if looking for support, but their concerns were not the same.

“We went through this last year, Mercedes. We can’t let this happen, not only because it could give them an advantage, but because Kurt could get hurt. Why haven’t you stopped him?”

Mercedes chuckled.

“Trust me, this guy is not like Jesse St. James. He’s a really sweet boy, actually. And it’s not like Kurt would listen to me anyway.”

Sam had no idea who this Jesse St. James was, but he didn’t care enough to ask.

“So, what’s he like?” Sam asked, “Is he…?”

Both girls gave him a curious look.

“Oh, he’s gay,” Mercedes replied, and Sam felt his face go numb and cold, “His name is Blaine, and he’s cute. I don’t know what’s really going on between them and Kurt swears they’re just friends, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they ended up dating.”

“Why do you care?” Quinn asked Sam, and he could swear she was smiling a little.

“It’s important, don’t you think?” Sam’s voice came out a little high pitched. He cleared his throat and added, “Do any of you want anything else? I’m gonna go refill my soda.”

They both said no, and Sam quickly got up and walked back to the food stall. He patiently waited for his refill, thankful he had some time to think. It didn’t matter if Mercedes said Kurt and this guy were just friends, she was probably lying so Quinn wouldn’t get even more worried than she already was, both about the team and Kurt. They were probably dating. Why else would he cancel plans with Mercedes to go out with him alone?

Just because they’re alone doesn’t mean they’re dating, he reassured himself, but it didn’t stop the mental image of Kurt kissing a blurry faced guy from appearing in his mind, and it made him feel sick. Not for homophobic reasons, of course. It was something else he couldn’t pinpoint, and all he knew was the thought of Kurt kissing any guy made him feel like he was going to throw up.

He didn’t want that soda anymore. He ran off to the nearest restroom and pushed a couple of guys on the way, fearing he would actually throw up any second. However, the nausea disappeared on the way, he put a hand on his stomach and took a deep breath before stepping inside the men’s restroom. He stood in front of the sinks looking at his own unusually pale face. He could see the drops of sweat shining around the bridge of his nose and his cheeks, so he washed his face and dried it with paper towels before making his way back to the girls.

They were laughing again, and Sam felt like he could just leave and they wouldn’t even notice. He was tempted to do so for a second, but he sat down anyway.

“Soda machine was broken,” He said.

“Are you okay?” Mercedes asked, “You’re really pale, even for a white boy.”

Sam swallowed so hard it felt like he had a rock stuck in his throat.

“The burger made me feel sick.”

“Do you want me to take you home?” Quinn asked.

“I don’t want to ruin this for you guys,” Sam replied, “You’re having a good time.”

Both girls shared a look and Mercedes was the first one to stand up.

“I have a curfew anyway,” She said, “Come on, let’s go.”

They threw away their leftovers in a trashcan and left their tray aside in the designated area before leaving.

Sam walked behind again, while the girls whispered, walking shoulder on shoulder. He was a little jealous of how easy it was for girls to be friends, because they didn’t care that much about what was appropriate or not, they were affectionate and touchy and it wasn’t weird because that’s just how girls are supposed to be. But the most touchy two boys could get was bumping fists or pushing each other.

He wondered what it was like for two gay guys to be friends. Was it the same? Or did they greet each other with cheek kisses and hugs that weren’t quick nor ended with some awkward pat on the back? Could two gay guys even be just friends?

They dropped Mercedes off at her house before heading to Sam’s. The drive was exhausting, and there was a wave of nausea coming and going every couple of minutes. By the time Quinn stopped the car in front of his house, he was certain he was going to throw up eventually. It was going to be a long night. He picked up his backpack and opened the door, whispering a thank you.

“Sam,” Quinn said, and Sam turned around, “You look like hell.”

“I love you, too,” He replied.

She laughed as he closed the door, and Sam felt a bit better while walking to the house. He really liked that he could tell Quinn that he loved her without it being romantic, because it wasn’t. But no wonder everyone thought they were dating.

On Wednesday after football practice, Sam took his time in the shower, thinking and trying to get his tense muscles to relax under the hot water. He ended up alone in the locker room because he still had things to do, such as taking his dirty clothes out of his stinky locker so he could take them home and wash them. It took him a little while to fit everything in his bag because he sucked at folding stuff, but eventually he managed to zip it completely. When he came out he saw Mercedes leaning on the wall holding some books against her chest, he smiled and nodded at her as a “Hello” and “Goodbye,” but she started walking behind him.

“Sam, wait!” She called out, and he stopped walking, “I need to talk to you.”

She was waiting for him? For how long?

“What’s up?” He asked.

“Look, I’m gonna be straight with you… I know you weren’t sick because of the burgers yesterday. You might have fooled Quinn, but I know better than that,” She said, quickly, like she was worried he would run away before she could finish speaking, but Sam was too curious to do such a thing, “I saw how affected you were when I mentioned Blaine.”

There was that numbness on his face, and the cold sweat. Thank God his hair covered his forehead.

“Who?” Sam asked.

“Come on, Sam,” Mercedes said, “Kurt told me about the time you two spent together. Well, I kinda forced him to tell me because I had to cover up for him.”

So, Kurt told Finn and Mercedes, and Sam didn’t know how to feel about that. He shrugged.

“What does that have to do with anything?” He didn’t intend to sound defensive, but it was inevitable.

A warm smile appeared on Mercedes’ face. She stepped closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

“You know what I thought when Kurt told me about this? Dinner and a movie?” She asked, and Sam shrugged again, “I thought it was a date. I told Kurt, actually, but he said it wasn’t, that you were just being friendly. But I’m not sure that’s the truth, in the end only you know that.”

Sam’s stomach felt tight and heavy. He looked into Mercedes’ warm dark eyes and it came to mind that she was like a mom in the way that she could comfort someone with just one look and smile. She really did understand something and she tried to show him the day before. She didn’t trust him because she necessarily liked him, but because they shared a secret he wasn’t aware of.

“I was being friendly,” He said, “I think he’s a cool guy, that’s all.”

Mercedes pressed her lips together in disapproval, like he said something wrong.

“Sam, I can’t tell you what you feel,” She said, “But you have to figure it out soon or you’ll miss your chance, and you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. I know you must be scared but, trust me, Kurt is worth it and I think you know that.”

She smiled one last time, squeezed his shoulder and walked away, leaving Sam speechless. He was having a hard time processing her words, because he heard them but they didn’t make sense. Why would she think he wasn’t just being friendly? He was being friendly, it couldn’t be anything else. Sam was in an all-boys boarding school for a while and he would know if he liked boys. He didn’t. And he wasn’t about to start now.

But that statement weakened inside him as seconds passed. Kurt was so different from anyone he ever met before and what he made Sam feel was so different as well, something he never felt for any girl or boy, an entirely new thing he was just discovering. Whether he liked boys was irrelevant, because this wasn’t about any boy, it was about this boy he couldn’t stay away from.

He let his bag slide from his shoulder and it dropped to the floor as he leaned on the nearest wall. He closed his eyes and took the courage to imagine Kurt kissing a boy again, but instead of a blurry face he pictured his own, and it didn’t make him feel sick. It made him feel… good, and peaceful.

He took out his phone and looked at the still unanswered texts he sent Kurt. He didn’t have anything else to say, and nothing more to feel aside from the pain it caused him to know he was purposefully ignoring him. Even if Sam wasn’t sure of it at the moment, Kurt had to know. He was a smart guy, much smarter than Sam, who was always stumbling with words and feelings, so why did Kurt push him away like that? How could Kurt, so confident in who he was, be more scared than Sam was?

He couldn’t sleep that night, listening to the song they recorded together in a quality as shitty as one could expect from a phone while staring at the reflection of his nightstand lamp on the ceiling. He opened the texts from time to time, still unanswered, and he wondered if Kurt replied to Blaine’s texts. He probably did, they probably stayed awake at night talking to each other instead of doing whatever Sam was doing. It all felt like self-flagellation at that point.

Next day after Glee club, Sam noticed Kurt stayed behind talking to the substitute, Holly Holiday. It sounded like a friendly conversation that Sam tried to hear from outside the choir room, but he could barely understand anything. The only thing he gathered from it was that Miss Holiday was asking Kurt for help with something. Sam almost jumped when he heard her voice right next to him as she walked out of the choir room and stood next to him, which was unexpected since he could not hear her boots when she walked, so she was as silent and stealth as a ninja.

“Thank you so much!” She yelled out from the hallway to inside the choir room, where he guessed Kurt still was, unless he already left out of the other door. Then she turned to Sam and seemed to be as alarmed as he was a second ago, “Oh, God. Hi, there. See you tomorrow!”

Sam waved at her and waited for her to disappear at the end of the hallway before entering the choir room.

Kurt was standing next to the piano apparently sorting out some sheet music. He was frowning and it made him look adorable, something Sam knew he wasn’t supposed to think about his guy friends.

“Hey,” Sam said.

Kurt looked up and for a second he didn’t seem to care about his presence, then he put down the sheet music he was holding and looked at him again like he finally recognized him.

“Were you waiting outside?” He asked, but he didn’t sound really interested.

Sam ignored his question, and instead replied with a different one.

“You don’t have plans with your Warbler friend today?”

Kurt’s eyes narrowed in his direction, and it took his expression exactly two seconds to soften as he probably came to the realization that it was Mercedes who told him. He quickly put himself together again and went back to work, separating the sheet music with different colored paper clips.

“We don’t talk about Glee club so he’s not gathering information about New Directions, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I don’t give a crap about that, honestly,” Sam replied.

“Well, you certainly do give a crap about something. What is it?”

“You,” Sam said.

Kurt chuckled without interrupting his task, hands moving quickly from side to side, which made Sam think maybe he did have plans with his friend, or something to do, or just wanted to run out of there as soon as possible to escape him. As Kurt’s reaction was met with silence, he looked at Sam again with those curious blue eyes that were as comforting to him as they were piercing.

“What the hell are you talking about, Sam?”

“What did I do exactly?” Sam asked back, “I’m really trying here, Kurt. Do you think I keep texting you just to be a pain in the ass? Hasn’t it occurred to you that maybe I do it because I give a lot more than a crap about you?”

Kurt’s frown deepened and his body seemed tense all of the sudden. He started putting the sorted sheet music into a binder, and didn’t look at him when he spoke.

“You didn’t do anything.”

“You’re impossible, you know that?” Sam said, his face hot with a mix of frustration and excitement as he felt words form themselves in his brain, giving truth a defined shape, “But I don’t care, I just want to be close to you and it would be nice if you let me.”

“I can’t tell if you feel sorry for me or…” Kurt finished the sentence with a forced laugh.

Sam put a hand over the binder to close it and leaned into the piano, looking for Kurt’s eyes again, and he understood why he wasn’t looking at him. He was trying not to cry as much as Sam was for the last twenty-four hours, but he didn’t look away this time, like he wanted Sam to take the blame for making him feel that way.

“You really think I invited you over and keep doing all of this because I feel sorry for you?” Sam asked, and Kurt just kept looking at him with watery eyes, “I really want to be close to you,” He added slowly, hoping this time Kurt would believe him.

“Why?” Kurt asked in a whisper.

“Because I like you,” Sam said and reached for Kurt’s hand, who resisted for a second before letting him hold it softly, and he repeated, “I like you…And not the way I should like a friend.”

A tear rolled down Kurt’s cheek as he slipped his hand out of Sam’s reach.

“Is this funny to you, Sam? Am I amusing you?” He asked with a shaky voice, “Just go away, please.”

“I’m not trying to be funny!” Sam yelled.

“Then what the fuck are you trying to do?” Kurt yelled in response.

“I’m trying to tell you exactly what I’m telling you, that I like you. I can’t stop thinking about you pretty much since I met you and I…I’ve spent the last twenty-four hours thinking about kissing you.”

He could hear Kurt swallow, his breathing heavy as he tried to hold back tears and looking at him with something that seemed like sheer horror. It felt like time had stopped and it was just them looking at each other, both waiting for the other to say something. Kurt was probably expecting Sam to take it back, but he wasn’t going to do that. As a second tear rolled down Kurt’s cheek and he quickly wiped it with the palm of his hand, he slowly seemed less horrified, and Sam hoped he had finally realized he was being honest.

However, he wasn’t reacting, and Sam felt like he was going to simultaneously faint, throw up and cry.

“You’re confused, Sam,” Kurt said after a while, and his voice sounded awfully loud as it broke silence.

“I’m not.”

“You’re dating Quinn,” He insisted, his voice a little raspy from the recent yelling.

“I’m not dating Quinn,” Sam assured him, half tired and half frustrated.

“Right. So, Ken and Barbie are not playing house together. It offends me that you think I’m that stupid.”

“I’m really not dating Quinn,” Sam repeated, “I guess she wants people to think that so they vote us for prom queen and king in a few months but we’re not. Ask Mercedes, she went out with us a couple days ago when you stood her up. If anything they’re closer to each other than I am to Quinn.”

Kurt was biting the inside of his cheek, judging by his slightly twisted lips. He kept looking at Sam for a while before taking the binder and turning around to place it on the shelf behind the whiteboard.

“That doesn’t mean you’re not confused,” He said without looking at Sam. His shoulders lifted with a deep breath as he turned back around, all the sadness and frustration fading away from his expression and turning into exhaustion, “Sam, you don’t like me.”

“How are you so sure?” Sam asked with defiance, “You can’t look in my head, you can’t look in my heart… You don’t even talk to me. How would you know how I feel?”

Kurt opened his mouth, but didn’t say anything. Instead, he shrugged, then he scratched his neck and avoided looking at Sam for a second.

“Look, we can be friends if that’s what you want. I don’t want to ignore you, okay? I like you, it’s just…”

“You like me, but you don’t want to like me. Is that it?” Sam asked, and Kurt’s silence was all the answer he needed, “Do you like this guy you met?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt said with such a small voice it was barely audible.

Sam swallowed hard. His hands had started shaking at some point and he couldn’t stop it. It seemed like Kurt was trying too hard to wrap up this drama and put it aside, but for Sam it felt like a beginning, like this cat and mouse game was nowhere near ending. He wasn’t going to let it end, no matter how much Kurt tried to stop him.

“I don’t think being friends is gonna help me at this point,” Sam confessed.

“It will have to be enough,” Kurt replied.

He picked up his bag and gave him a sad smile before leaving the choir room.

Sam was getting tired of being left behind. It was like everyone else had power over their own lives except for him, who couldn’t even make the boy he liked believe that he liked him, and he knew he would never move on from that because Kurt wouldn’t let him even if he hadn’t realized it yet. He sat down for a moment as his phone buzzed in his back pocket.

It was Kurt.

Kurt:

> :)

Sam knew that was a peace offering, but to him it just felt like a slap in the face.

Chapter Text

Thursday ended with Sam lying down on the floor of Quinn’s bedroom telling her everything that had happened since duet week, while she sat at the foot of her bed giving him a silent and indecipherable look. He knew she was probably judging him in her head but he just kept talking and talking, feeling more stupid after every word that came out of his mouth knowing he wasn’t making any sense. At some point he stopped thinking altogether and it surprised him that Quinn didn’t shut him up.

After his word-vomiting session ended, Quinn kneeled next to him on the floor without saying a word, eyes warm and harsh at the same time, testing him in some way. He couldn’t for the life of him decipher what she was thinking. Quinn was possibly the most difficult person to read he had ever met. Or maybe he just sucked at reading people.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Sam added after a minute of silence.

Quinn raised an eyebrow. She seemed half curious, half judgy.

“What makes you think there’s something wrong with you?”

“I don’t like boys,” Sam whispered.

“Well, you just told me you like Kurt…Or at least you think you do,” Quinn said, and Sam just kept looking at her waiting for her words to make sense, because everything was mashed up in his head and he really didn’t know what to think anymore, “Kurt is a boy,” She pointed out.

“That doesn’t mean I like boys in plural. I just like him .”

Quinn sighed while pressing the bridge of her nose.

“Do you like all girls, Sam?”

“No,” He replied. What kind of stupid question was that?

“Exactly. You don’t have to like multiple boys to be… Anyway, maybe you’ll like other boys in the future, who knows?”

To be…What? He wanted to ask. What was he? Bisexual? He didn’t have a problem with that, but the way he felt about Kurt did more to confuse him than to clarify things. It was a fog blurring his vision. He couldn’t see beyond those feelings.

“I don’t want to like other boys,” Sam said, “I really want to… I don’t know, be with him? I’m not sure what that would mean but isn’t that what you want when you like someone?”

Quinn got up and walked towards the window with her hands on her hips with a slightly dramatic demeanor, which wasn’t very helpful to calm Sam’s nerves. If she was going to say anything good, she would not avoid looking him in the eye.

“You have to get over it, Sam,” She said with a cold tone that hid a hint of sympathy, “If Mercedes is right, he really likes this other boy, and all this confusion on your part isn’t helping your case.”

That word again. Confusion. Why couldn’t anyone believe that Sam was capable of knowing when he liked someone, whether it was a boy or a girl? Why did everyone see him like a little kid who couldn’t possibly know what he wanted?

“I’m not confused,” Sam assured, “One thing is that he thinks that but you? You know I know how I feel.”

Quinn turned around and examined him for a few seconds and rolled her eyes.

“Okay, but you can’t deny you’re a mess,” She said, “You’re lying down on the floor right now, crying to me instead of doing something to get the guy you like. It’s really sad.”

“What am I supposed to do? You said it yourself, I should get over it!”

“ Because you’re just crying about it instead of doing something,” She said.

He could almost hear her call him pathetic. It was the truth and there was no use in denying it. He sat up with his back against Quinn’s dresser, hoping the support would give him some comfort.

“So what should I do?” He asked.

Quinn crossed her arms and shrugged.

“Ask him out. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“He could say no.”

“That wouldn’t kill you,” Quinn assured.

Except it would. Sam couldn’t explain how painfully it would kill him to be rejected by Kurt again, the boy he liked spitting on his face that he was not good enough without even saying it. He knew Quinn wouldn’t understand. Girls were the ones who waited to be asked out, especially girls like her. She couldn’t even imagine what rejection would feel like.

Still, he nodded, more for her comfort than his own. After all, she was listening to him and trying her best to be a good friend, which he greatly appreciated. Things would be way worse if he didn’t have anyone to talk to.

“How come you didn’t freak out about this?” Sam asked, a little more relaxed than a minute ago.

Quinn sat down at the foot of her bed again.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, the whole me liking a boy thing.”

She slightly frowned but her harsh expression quickly turned into a small smile.

“Come on, Sam,” She said, “It’s not like I didn’t notice.”

“You noticed,” He replied, unintentionally making it sound like an affirmation instead of a question.

“Yeah,” She shrugged and her smile widened, “I mean, whenever you two are in the same room you just… Don’t take your eyes off him. You’re way too interested in everything he does, asking about him, trying to sit close to him in Glee club… I think it’s pretty obvious for everyone, we just don’t say anything.”

He felt sweat breaking through his pores, panic shooting through his body turning into heat inside his chest. No, more than that. Flames burning him inside out. He could feel his face turning red and he was grateful Quinn pretended not to notice.

“...Why?” He didn’t know what else to say. But why, what?

“Well, nobody wants to scare you away because the team needs you. And of course, we love Kurt, even if he doesn’t believe it.”

Sam thought about how worried Kurt seemed when Tina and Mike saw them together at Breadstix. It was surprising to find out next Monday that she hadn’t told anyone, or at least she didn’t make a big deal out of it even when it should’ve been considered the gossip of the year. At the time he thought Kurt was just being paranoid, but what Quinn was saying made more sense, and it was sweet.

“Am I really that obvious?”

Quinn scrunched her nose.

“I’m afraid you are.”

It was a nice surprise over the next couple of days that Kurt was actually replying to his messages. Things were still too awkward to actually talk, but Sam sent him funny videos and pictures that made him respond with at least some emojis. In a very rudimentary way, it was still more communication than they’ve had in weeks. He felt pathetic staying up late at night waiting for a reaction to his dumb texts, but he was too happy to care, and it was a nice opportunity to watch movies anyway.

Saturday night after finishing his Star Wars marathon, he sat down to search the internet for some fanfiction, a guilty pleasure of his he would never admit to anyone, but he ended up in a completely different website, with big black letters staring back at him almost as if they were judging him.

Quiz: Am I Gay?

He felt stupid doing that. However, his hands were all shaky and sweaty and he felt like he was going to pass out just thinking that he could get an answer he didn’t like, one that would make everything more confusing than it already was. He read the first question.

Have you ever had feelings for a same-gender close friend?

He clicked on the first option: I think so, that’s why I’m taking this quiz.

Have you ever kissed someone or wanted to kiss someone of the same gender?

I haven’t done it, but I want to try it.

How do you feel about queer characters in TV shows and movies?

These questions were turning really stupid. He had never thought about it or anything related to the subject until a couple days ago, so he clicked that he didn’t notice them, and it felt like a failure. The next questions were easy to answer: What do you say when you’re asked who you’re crushing on? I don’t get the big deal about crushes. Even though it was literally a big deal at the moment. Has anyone ever asked you if you’re gay? No, but it wouldn’t surprise me. What do you picture when you imagine yourself in a relationship? Not sure. How would you feel about identifying as gay? Not sure. Each question felt like he was dodging one bullet after another.

Then the result came: You could be bisexual or somewhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum.

And it felt like a deep breath of fresh air.

He looked at the screen for a long time. Maybe he shouldn’t be taking the results of a stupid online quiz so seriously, but it was the first time he felt seen in a while. And, ironically, even though he was the one answering the questions, it was that stupid quiz that gave him the answer, or the reassurance, he needed so badly.

He turned off the computer and sat at the foot of his bed with his phone in his hands, scrolling up and down his conversation with Kurt. That’s when he realized Quinn was right. Sam was confused, not about who he was, but about how he projected himself onto the world. This confusion was, in fact, not helping his case. It was time he made a choice about the man he was going to be, and it had absolutely nothing to do with being gay, bi or straight. He had known that for a while, at least subconsciously. The choice he had to make was about whether he was going to give up on his feelings or be true to himself.

It was 11:48 p.m.

A perfectly reasonable time.

With shaky hands and a knot in his stomach, he typed a message for Kurt.

Sam:

> Are you up?

It was his first text to him that actually required an answer, which is something Sam realized he hadn’t done because he was too scared of being ignored. He waited for the text to be delivered and left his phone on the bedside table while he got ready for bed, trying not to keep his hopes up about the possibility of being replied to. But why was it so hard to remain calm? Kurt was probably asleep. No, that’s a lie . Who is asleep before midnight on a Saturday night? Maybe he had plans. Maybe he was with that friend of his, and they were both laughing at Sam’s desperate texts… No, that’s also a lie. Kurt wouldn’t make fun of him.

It was a little ridiculous how much that made him smile. He took a deep breath and tried to remain calm while brushing his teeth. He picked up his phone once he was in bed and was surprised to find an unread message.

Kurt:

> I’m here

Those two words made him feel a little nauseous. It was probably just Sam being Sam, but it seemed to him like those words carried a hidden meaning, maybe not a secret message Kurt was trying to convey, more like an openness Sam deeply appreciated. I’m here. Kurt was there. To talk, to listen… Maybe he was even looking forward to his messages the same way Sam was looking forward to his reactions.

He needed to ask something. Where are you? There was something demanding in that question, so, no. What are you doing? Same issue. Are you alone? Sounded like he wanted to say something inappropriate.

Sam:

> What are you up to?

Kurt:

> Sleepover at Mercedes’

Sam:

> Not a cover up this time, huh?

Kurt:

> You’re funny

Sam:

> I try 😁

Kurt:

> Don’t try too hard

> I like you just the way you are 🙂

Sam was so thankful that they weren’t talking face to face because the blushing on his part was making him worry his face was going to burst into flames. While he wasn’t an expert on the matter, he could’ve sworn Kurt was flirting with him. It was terrifying in a nice way, so he decided to try hard for a little longer.

Sam:

> You like me so much you’re interrupting your sleepover to talk to me 😌

Kurt:

> In your dreams

> Mercedes went downstairs to make more popcorn so I checked my phone

Sam:

> I bet she doesn’t make better popcorn than me

Kurt:

> I wouldn’t know since I made the popcorn that night

Sam:

> Right

Kurt:

> We were talking about you, by the way

Sam:

> Shut up

Kurt:

> No, really

> She was just telling me how nice you were to let her crash your plans with Quinn the other day

Sam:

> You mean when you stood her up

>That was not cool, man

Kurt:

> That’s not what happened

> But thanks to you she’s not mad at me

> So thank you :)

While Sam typed his response, Kurt started typing again. Sam deleted his reply to wait for Kurt’s next message, which after deleting and typing over and over for less than a minute, never arrived. Sam typed back the message he had previously deleted and hit send.

Sam:

> Anything for you

Kurt didn’t reply back.

The opportunity Sam was waiting for landed at his feet at the beginning of the following week, when it was announced that Kurt’s dad and Finn’s mom were going to get married, and the entire club would be there as entertainers. When Kurt and Finn stood in front of everyone, Kurt seemed infinitely happier than Finn, who looked like he was dragged out of his bed in the morning while he was still asleep. However, Kurt’s joyful expression slowly turned into a shadow of itself as the meeting progressed, like a mask was falling off and he was desperately trying to keep it on. He basically scrapped every idea anyone gave him during their brainstorming session, which ended with Mr. Schue deciding he was going to perform Sway at the reception.

Kurt stayed back for a little while after the bell rang, pretending to be busy while Sam pretended to look for something inside his backpack. When Kurt realized Sam was not leaving, he smiled at him to acknowledge his presence before leaving first. Sam quickly followed him holding onto his backpack strap as a precarious way to let go of the tension building inside him as his thoughts became a little clearer. He had been thinking about it for the last hour, how they were all going to the wedding and how people often take dates to weddings. It was the safest route he could take, since the invitation was already half accepted because they were both going anyway. He wished Kurt didn’t walk so fast, though, because he almost lost him around the corner. As Sam caught up with him, swift as a breeze, a silhouette walked past him and, a few feet ahead, Kurt’s entire body was slammed against the lockers to his right.

Sam’s first impulse was to run towards Kurt. He helped him pick up his messenger bag, which seemed to be the only thing he could do anyway. Kurt was looking down, seemingly embarrassed, and whispered a barely audible thank you .

“Are you okay?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, it’s just…Don’t worry about it,” Kurt replied.

Sam wanted to ask more until he saw Dave Karofsky turning around in their direction with a mocking smile on his face as he gestured a limp wrist. Kurt rolled his eyes and Sam gave him one last look before calling out:

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Karofsky?”

Karofsky didn’t hear him, or at least pretended not to and disappeared around the corner. In other circumstances, Sam would’ve chased after him, but in that very moment his priority was Kurt, who was standing with his back to the lockers, hugging his bag like it was a pillow with his gaze lost somewhere on the other side of the hallway. Sam put a hand to his shoulder.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked.

Kurt nodded.

“I’m okay,” He reassured as his eyes met Sam’s, something that felt almost unexpected, “I mean it, Sam. It’s all good, you can keep going with your day.”

“Actually I was going to talk to you,” Sam said.

“About what?” Kurt asked.

There was an innocent curiosity that took over Kurt’s face and replaced his distress as if it was never there in the first place, and Sam felt a little guilty for thinking about a date when Kurt was clearly going through something else. Sam ran his fingers through his hair while Kurt attentively looked at him. He had to come up with something real quick.

“ Marry you, ” Sam said.

“Excuse me?”

“The song,” Sam continued, and he started talking too fast, too much, just like when he was venting to Quinn a few days earlier, “You haven’t heard it? It’s perfect for a wedding, I was gonna say it in the choir room but I don’t know… I thought maybe it’d be stupid and you’d shut down my idea like you did with everyone else’s, so I thought I’d tell you personally. Now, I mean. Now I’ve told you. I can show it to you if you want.”

Kurt’s eyes narrowed in Sam’s direction, his lips slightly parted, something that made his mouth look like it was made to be kissed. Sam looked away to avoid blushing as Kurt spoke.

“No, yeah, I’ve heard it, I’ve considered it and it’s a great choice. I was thinking about it as the entrance song.”

“Exactly!” Sam said like he had put any thought into it, and, luckily, it made Kurt smile, “I mean, it’s perfect, right?”

Kurt nodded as his smile faded away.

“So, was that all? I have to get to class.”

That was the sign that Sam had missed his chance. He nodded.

“Sure, yeah. Have a good… Have a good class.”

Have a good class? Idiot.

The next day, Kurt gave each of the members of the club, including Mr. Schue, a copy of the sheet music for Marry You . He explained his vision in front of the group, and Rachel made a couple of suggestions that he took surprisingly well while Finn nodded in agreement. Mr. Schue took a little time to study the song and asked Mike and Brittany to start with the choreography while he did some arrangements. Once everything was settled and Mr. Schue congratulated him on his song choice, Kurt hesitated for a moment and said, “I’d like to thank Sam for suggesting this song. It was his idea.”

All heads turned to Sam like he had turned into a bug in front of their eyes while Sam’s eyes were fixated on Kurt’s small, slightly shy smile. During the last couple of days it had become obvious that they were on the path of becoming good friends, but it was still surprising that Kurt actually cared enough for his idea to not only consider it but actually use it. Sam smiled back while Mr. Schue made a comment he couldn’t hear because he was so focused on Kurt, and that shared smile could have lasted a million years and he wouldn’t have noticed, but it was actually only a few seconds and soon everyone was back either doing what they were supposed to, or simply wasting time.

Sam was sitting next to Quinn as per usual. He felt like a puppy with a separation problem when he was around her, because of how safe she made him feel. She was writing something down in a notebook, but he knew she was hyper aware of everything happening around her. He liked that about her, how she made sure everyone thought she didn’t care much about anything while she was silently observing and managing to understand everything better than anyone else in that room. Though he had to admit it was more than mere admiration, and what he liked the most was that it was useful to him as her friend. That afternoon they were in a corner and nobody was paying attention to either of them, so Sam took his chance to talk about what kept him up the night before. He leaned into Quinn.

“I’m gonna ask him to be my date for the wedding,” He whispered.

Quinn closed her notebook and turned to him, giving him an attentive look.

“Very bold of you. I wouldn’t keep my hopes too high, though.”

“You think he doesn’t like me?”

“Oh, he does like you,” Quinn said, “But read the room, Sam.”

She left her closed notebook on the empty chair next to her and got up, walking straight to Brittany and Mike, leaving Sam painfully confused. Quinn was smart and observant and mostly reasonable but she had that habit of only sharing half her thoughts unless very specifically asked. Or begged. He spent the rest of the hour thinking about it, wondering what he was not seeing, but he could not find anything.

At some point he lost sight of Kurt. He was nowhere to be seen, and when he asked Mercedes, she said he had asked Mr. Schue for permission to leave a little early so he could go to the library. Once they were finished, he rushed to the library hoping Kurt was still there, and luckily, he found him sitting by himself in a corner with a thick book on his lap. He didn’t look particularly busy, moreso as if trying to distract himself, so Sam just walked up to him and sat beside him.

“What’re you doing?” Sam asked.

Kurt sighed.

“Just trying to figure out the perfect shade for the girls’ dresses. It has to be on theme and be flattering to all of their skin tones. I have to choose today.”

That’s when Sam noticed what Kurt was looking at was not a book but a binder of fabric samples.

“Are you going to make them?” Sam inquired, and Kurt looked at him with amusement in his eyes, which made Sam a little nervous in a weirdly pleasant way, “I mean, you make your clothes, right? That’s why they’re so cool and so, you .”

Kurt seemed to try to hide a smile but failed miserably. He covered his mouth with the back of his hand for a second before speaking.

“Well, I mostly thrift and make modifications but thank you so much for noticing,” He replied with a playful, borderline flirty tone, “But no, I’m not making the dresses. I have my hands full already. The girls got their measurements taken yesterday at a local boutique and all I have to do is pick the damn color so they can get started.”

“Good luck with that,” Sam said, “I’m sure you’ll make the right choice.”

“Thank you,” Kurt looked back at his binder and closed it before turning his attention to Sam once again, “I have the feeling you’re not here for academic purposes.”

“Right,” Sam laughed nervously, “I wanted to thank you for using my song idea. I guess I’m the smartest when I don’t think.”

“I figured you came up with it on the spot,” Kurt said and somehow he made it sound like a compliment, “But, hey, a good idea is a good idea. And I lied, I hadn’t thought about it. I didn’t even know what song you were talking about.”

They both shared a laugh, and Sam felt bad for a moment about what he wanted to do, because everything was so light and nice with Kurt when they were friendly like this and Sam was two seconds away from ruining it all. Maybe it should stay an unrequited crush that was not necessarily unrequited if Quinn was right, which she usually was. After the laughter faded out, Kurt looked at him like he was trying to decipher his thoughts, though Sam feared his feelings were written all over his face, available for anyone who cared enough to look at him.

“Actually, I wanted to ask if you’d like to be my date for the wedding,” He said.

Kurt’s face was unreadable. He slightly opened his mouth and closed it like he didn’t have anything to say, then sighed.

“Look, Sam. I would love to but… I’m too busy to have a date for the wedding.”

Sam could feel his heart breaking a little, no matter how reasonable and mature Kurt was being. He was hoping it would be the perfect chance to show Kurt he was serious about his feelings, and more importantly, that he was worthy of his attention. At least that rejection was more gentle than it would be if he told him he had already invited his friend to the wedding, which didn’t seem to be the case.

“I figured it was a long shot,” That was a lie.

“We could go out some other time, though,” Kurt said, but it sounded an awful lot like pity.

“All right,” Sam said, “I’ll leave you alone so you can keep working.”

“See you later,” Kurt said, barely looking at him.

Sam pressed his lips together in a sad smile before getting up and walking out of the library.

Wednesday morning was a little weird. The world seemed disturbingly quiet and neither Quinn nor Kurt were nowhere to be found, which was terrible because they were his anchors in that school. It felt like the world had completely stopped and he was the one who was left unaffected. Sam figured it was all in his head and he was being dramatic, until he met Quinn in the bleachers after first period and found her to be equally if not more nervous than him. He sat next to her, and it surprised him that she didn’t even bother to turn and say hello.

“Hey, are you okay, Q?” He asked.

“I am okay, but everything else is not,” She said like she was waiting to be asked. There was a mixture of resentment and obliviousness in her voice that could easily be mistaken for sarcasm, “Rachel gathered us girls together before class. She thinks you and I are dating, which is not at all relevant right now considering the reason why she gathered us.”

Sam moved closer to Quinn. She had never seemed so affected by anything ever since he met her, to the point it looked like she was going to burst into tears anytime.

“Which is…?”

“All of us love saying we’re friends but the truth is we’re horrible to each other all the time, and I admit I’m guilty of it most of the time” She scoffed before adding, “Especially when it comes to Rachel… But that doesn’t compare to what’s happening to Kurt and the fact that none of us is doing anything to help him. That includes you, Sam. And even worse, it includes Finn.”

The mention of Kurt threw Sam off and suddenly he felt like his head was going to explode, while Quinn glared at him like he was to blame for all of it. Guilt quickly caught up to him when he remembered Kurt being pushed against the lockers by Karofsky a couple of days ago, and the fact that he knew it wasn’t the first time. He believed Kurt when he said he was okay, but a part of him knew it wasn’t true, and he was too scared for himself to do something more than yelling at Karofsky across the hall. Quinn was right, and asking why she hadn’t done anything would be honestly insulting. He placed a hand on her shoulder and she flinched a little bit, which made Sam feel even worse. Has he really been that focused on the wrong things?

As he came to that conclusion, Quinn kept talking with a firm voice, “You’re sitting there thinking about ways to ask Kurt out or whatever the hell it is you want to do but don’t stop for a second to think about the fact that his life is hell right now. You’re pathetic Sam, I feel sorry for you.”

She retreated from his touch and got up, picking up her binder from the bench and hugging it with both arms like it was a shield.

“Quinn,” Sam whispered.

“Be a man, Sam,” She replied and quickly ran down to the football field.

After she left, the absence of sound buzzed in his ears so loudly it made him instinctively cover his ears with the palms of his hands. He couldn’t even feel his ego being hurt because he deserved it. But his heart was hurt. There were few things Quinn did better than hurt people, she was an expert on it, like she knew the sore spots in everyone and suddenly Sam felt not so good about letting her in. Still, she was right.

He saw Karofsky running across the football field, laughing and joking with some of the guys on the team who followed him around like he was the king of the world. Sam didn’t notice when exactly he made a fist, he only realized when his nails were scratching his palm with such force it felt like he was about to draw blood. He never let Karofsky out of his sight, not while sitting there nor when he got up and walked down to the field, and certainly not when he marched straight to him, other boys opening a path in front of Sam, leading him to the bully. He was a couple of meters away when Karofsky stopped laughing at whatever Azimio just said and turned at him with the ghost of a smile, not paying enough attention to anticipate the punch Sam threw his way.

Sam’s fist landed on Karofsky’s cheek, strong enough to make him step back in both pain and surprise. The next second was quiet, and Sam could feel everyone around them holding their breath, preparing for the wrath of Dave Karofsky to fall on poor Sam, except Sam wasn’t going to let it happen, and in a quick movement he put a hand on his shoulder for support while punching him on the stomach, then hit him with his knee on the exact same place, which made Karofsky fall to the ground. If Sam didn’t take a second to smile at his victory, he would have noticed Karofsky’s hand reaching out for his ankle. Suddenly he was on the floor too, Karofsky leaning on top of him and throwing a punch directly at his eye.

This whole thing didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore. It’s not like Sam thought of it, he was just feeling guilty because of Quinn’s words and the guy appeared so he reacted, and it sure was a way to find out a punch from Dave Karofsky hurt exactly as much as one could expect. During the first two seconds since the fist hit his eye he thought he had gone blind and the blood in his veins was replaced by liquid panic. People around them had started to yell, and he could hear someone say ‘Go get coach Beiste, now!’ as his vision became clear again. Karofsky’s fist was tight around Sam’s shirt as he prepared to throw another punch, and Sam luckily managed to hold his fist with both shaky hands before he did. Everything was happening so fast yet the feelings and the pain were so intense they felt like an eternity, and as he looked at the other guy’s furious eyes he thought of Kurt again, about what it would be like if he was the one lying on the fake grass of the football field instead of Sam, and his heart broke a little. Sure, Kurt was being shoved and pushed every single day but what if Karofsky ever decided that wasn’t enough and beat Kurt up or worse? Sam could never forgive himself if that happened, and that ignited a flame inside of him that gave him the strength to somehow push Karofsky to the ground, get up and throw another punch. And another. And another.

Then he realized that Karofsky probably didn’t even know why he was hitting him.

Sam’s breath was heavy, his chest hurt and his vision was still only completely clear on one side, and after a couple of coughs he managed to scream, “If you go near Kurt again I won’t be so fucking civil and won’t stop until I punch out half of your teeth, you fucking hear me?”

“What the hell is going on here?” Coach Beiste’s voice yelled out, and not even five seconds later he was being pulled from the collar of his shirt until he stood up and Beiste pushed him towards Mike Chang, who caught him and looked at him with a mixture of surprise and admiration, which was the only thing Sam could notice before Beiste started yelling again, “What’s wrong with you, Evans?!”

Sam didn’t really register the whole thing, he only watched as Mike held him with both arms and at some point Artie sat in front of them like it would help protect them. Beiste helped Karofsky get up, pointed at him and Sam and said they all had to go to the principal’s office, to which Karofsky reacted quite tensely, taking two steps back and shaking his head while glancing at Sam.

“No need to do that, Coach. It’s not a big deal,” Karofsky said, and Sam hated how polite he sounded while speaking to figures of authority, more evidence of what a coward he really was.

Mike helped Sam walk back into the building while Puck and Artie followed them talking about how impressive and heroic Sam was, and Puck said something about how he would do the same thing if he wasn’t on probation. They ran into Tina in the hallway, and Mike asked her to bring some ice from the nurse’s office, and next thing Sam knew they were all sitting in the choir room, Quinn holding an ice pack to his eye with a pleased smile on her face.

Kurt was the last one to walk into the room. He stopped walking as soon as he saw Sam’s bruised face, and everyone fixated their eyes on him, who was ultimately the only valid judge of Sam's supposed heroism. Kurt pretended not to notice the way they were looking at him and walked straight to his seat, and Sam would be lying if he said it didn’t break his heart a little. However, Sam knew it was worth it, and it didn’t matter whether Kurt appreciated it or not, because he didn’t do it to impress him.

A hand touched Sam’s shoulder followed by Mike’s voice.

“Didn’t you hear, Kurt? You have a new hero,” He said, and Kurt looked above his shoulder with a spark of curiosity in his eye, “Dude was a wild animal.”

“A manimal ,” Artie added.

Sam flinched a little when Quinn pressed the ice pack against his eye, and tried not to move his head to look at Kurt even though he was dying to see the way he was looking at him if he was looking at all.

“How bad does it look?” He asked Quinn softly.

“It’s pretty hot, actually,” Quinn replied with that vaguely mischievous smile on her lips, which made Sam realize he did exactly what she wanted him to do, and she didn’t even have to ask. Master of manipulation , that best friend of his.

“No idea how hard it was for me not to jump into that beatdown,” Puck said.

“Where were you, Finn?” Santana asked.

“It shouldn’t have gone down without you, Finn. You should have been leading the charge,” Mercedes added.

Finn seemed thrown off and was just gesturing with his hands while he searched for the words, except he didn’t need to because Kurt’s soft voice spoke first.

“Lay off Finn, everyone. It isn't his problem. It’s none of your problems, actually. But thank you for what you did, Sam.”

“Serious. An epitome of a leader,” Mike concluded.

Sam smiled a little. Quinn seemed to understand his need to take a look at Kurt’s face, because she put down the ice pack so he could turn to Kurt for a second, and both boys shared a look as a sad smile painted Kurt’s lips. Sam smiled bigger to reassure him that he was okay, that everything would be okay from now on.

The moment broke when Mr. Schue walked in.

“What’s going on? What happened to Sam’s eye?” He asked.

“He stood up to Karofsky,” Quinn said.

Mr. Schue looked at him in a way Sam couldn’t figure out. It wasn’t exactly pity nor it was pride, a mix of emotions that were certainly not positive but also not completely negative.

“Are you okay?” He asked, “Do we need to go talk to Principal Sylvester?”

“No. I got in a few good licks too, so we can just call it even. And maybe this will send a warning to Karofsky, telling him to back off Kurt,” Sam said.

Schue nodded and walked up to place a hand on Kurt’s shoulder, who was sitting in a corner like he wanted to exclude himself from the whole situation even though it was literally about him. Sam didn’t blame him though.

“You okay, Kurt?” Schue asked, but Sam didn’t hear a reply. But Kurt must have nodded or something because a few seconds later, Schue was walking back to the center of the choir room, clapping once to get everyone’s attention, “All right, guys. Let’s take our places. We got a wedding to prepare for.”

Kurt’s head had been spinning since he saw the bruise on Sam’s eye. He tried to stay focused on rehearsal, partly because he didn’t want to think too much about it and partly because he had no other option. His dad’s wedding had to be perfect, and he wasn’t going to let his own personal problems interfere with that, so he had to swallow it down and try to keep going despite the bitter aftertaste in his mouth, the neverending feeling that something was wrong. Rehearsal went well for the most part, save Finn’s typical struggles to keep up with the choreography, but he was trying harder than usual so it was way easier than rehearsing for a competition.

Mr. Schue had the idea to pair up the couples—official and unofficial—of the club to make it more ‘romantic’, which ended with Kurt paired up with Mercedes as they were the only ones who didn’t have a date. The rest of the pairings were formed instantly, including Sam and Quinn, whom Kurt now knew weren’t dating thanks to Mercedes’ effort to convince him, something he didn’t entirely understand. However, all doubts were obviously dissipated after Sam’s invitation, which still had Kurt feeling a little thrown off, if he had to be honest with himself. His gaze caught Sam’s as the couples gathered around to hear what Mr. Schue had to say, and for a second he saw guilt in the blonde boy’s eyes. Kurt assumed there was something hidden there, behind the bruise and green irises, but he was overwhelmed enough to put more stupid things in his own head.

But those eyes kept looking at him even as he closed his like their gaze was tattooed inside his eyelids. And the bruise… He couldn’t get the bruise out of his head. He didn’t know if he could even look at it again without feeling sick.

That’s exactly why he quite literally ran out of the choir room as soon as rehearsal was done, as if his feet were to take him away from the mess in his head. And as bizarre as it was, that day he was more scared to run into Sam than Karofsky. It was stupid. Why on earth would he want to get away from the boy who stood up for him when no one would? The only person who dared to do something no matter what it’d cost? A black eye, Kurt tells himself, but it was much more than that, wasn’t it? And he didn’t know how to begin to deal with it, because it’s not like there’s a handbook for this sort of thing, and he was so very scared of facing Sam and saying the wrong thing because he was more than aware of the fact that now he owed him.

The only thing that made him snap out of it was dance rehearsal with his dad and Finn. Or at least he hoped it would until Karofsky showed up and made that damn limp wrist gesture that made his dad lose his shit. Well, it was not the gesture per se, it was the truth his dad was faced with when Finn kept insisting that Kurt had to tell him or else he would, then the whole façade was destroyed and it ended up with Kurt’s dad confronting Karofsky and asking Principal Sylvester for a meeting with Dave and his father the next day.

It all felt like the beginning of the end, like Kurt could hear the ticking of a bomb that would go off sooner than later, and he had absolutely nothing to do about it. The only thing he had under control was the wedding.

He asked Mercedes to go to the boutique with him after school. He got a call during lunch to say that they found some bridesmaids dresses from a canceled wedding last month that were never picked up and luckily they were the exact same color Kurt asked the dresses to be, except the material was different, and the dressmaker asked if he wanted to go check them out in case he wanted those instead of making new ones, in which case the dresses would only need a few adjustments. It was not ideal and in fact threatened Kurt’s vision for the perfect wedding, but he didn’t really feel like he had a choice once the woman told him how much money he would save. He didn’t really need Mercedes for that, but he convinced her that he needed her so he could see the dress on a person instead of a mannequin. Though it’s not like it took too much convincing anyway.

The dresses were perfect, and Mercedes looked absolutely stunning with the one she tried on, which didn’t even seem to need any adjustments considering how perfectly it embraced Mercedes’ silhouette. All the dresses had slightly different cuts that made each dress unique, and there was a silky look in the material that added to the beauty of them. Kurt talked to the dressmaker about the adjustments he wanted her to make, and they agreed that she would only adjust the measurements. While he and Mercedes walked back to the car, she was giggly and kept talking about the dresses, but Kurt didn’t have enough energy to actually listen to her so he didn’t say a word. Who would’ve thought, Kurt Hummel not willing to talk about clothes. This must have been an obvious sign that something was wrong, because out of the sudden Mercedes stopped walking and he turned around to find her with her arms crossed over her chest.

“What the hell is going through that silly head of yours, Kurt Hummel?” Mercedes said with a warm voice.

Kurt was too tired to explain. He sighed and said,

“It’s nothing, Cedes. Let’s just go. I’ll take you home.”

“How about ice cream and we can talk about what’s bothering you?” She suggested, but it sounded like she was going to drag him to the ice cream parlor no matter what his answer was.

They ended up sitting outside the shop on a bench eating their cones. Kurt got a raspberry cheesecake one, while Mercedes’ choice was cookie dough. It was cold outside, but the soft wind did wonders to clear Kurt’s head, at least momentarily. Mercedes didn’t even have to ask. She was his best friend, and if he couldn’t talk to her about this mess… Who else was there to talk to?

“Sam asked me to be his date for the wedding,” He said, and Mercedes’ eyes opened wide and lit up like he just told her Sam wanted to marry him, so Kurt quickly added, “I said no.”

Mercedes opened her mouth and shook her head while she caught a drop of melted ice cream that was about to fall on her hand.

“Why did you do that?” Mercedes inquired, and Kurt shrugged while he licked his ice cream, which was delicious, by the way, “You like Sam. We both know you like him, he knows you like him and we all know he likes you.”

“I’m too busy to take a date to the wedding, and I’m not a dating expert but I’m guessing having a date comes with expectations. I wouldn’t even be by his side most of the time, so what’s the point?”

“Bullshit,” Mercedes sentenced, “You’re taking me as your date, isn’t that the same thing?”

They both knew it wasn't. With Mercedes there weren't any romantic intentions, but with Sam…

“I don’t want to draw any attention from my dad’s wedding by bringing a boy as my date,” Kurt replied, and it was true, just not the complete answer, “This is Ohio, Mercedes. What do you think people would say if I brought Sam? It doesn’t matter if we don’t hold hands, kiss or dance together… Everyone would still know and judge and, yes, I’m out and proud but that doesn’t mean I can just…”

He stopped, trying not to push through his own frustration. He remembered how affected his dad was when he started receiving phone calls calling Kurt slurs a year ago, and how he settled for losing Defying Gravity in order to keep him at least a little safe from the harassment. Ever since he has done his best to keep his dad out of it so he has a normal life not ruined by the fact that his son is gay and people have a hard time accepting it. And bringing a boy to his wedding specifically would go against everything he has done for the past year, and he feared this time the harassment would not stop at anonymous phone calls.

Mercedes placed a gentle hand on his back and her head on his shoulder.

“You’re right,” She said, “I’m sorry.”

“Besides, if I went with Sam, who would be your date?” Kurt added to lighten up the mood.

“Quinn,” Mercedes said with a shrug.

Kurt couldn’t hold his laugh and Mercedes slapped his hand softly.

“Oh, I see what this is about. I took away your chance to go on a date with Quinn Fabray,” He teased.

“Shut up, it’s not like that,” Her voice hid a giggle, and she buried her face on Kurt’s shoulder for a second before emerging with a grin on her face, “You don’t need to twist my words like that.”

“I’m not twisting your words . You literally only said Quinn’s name.”

“Still, we’re talking about you, Mister. No need to make this about me.”

Kurt couldn’t agree with her because he was feeling lighter inside because of this. She pulled away and started biting into her cone while Kurt was still licking the remains of his ice cream. Whatever tension that was there before had disappeared completely and suddenly Kurt felt at ease enough to tell her the little piece of truth he was trying to hide.

“I wish Sam didn’t do that,” He said, “I mean the Karofsky thing. Now I feel guilty for not saying yes to his invitation.”

“Kurt,” Mercedes said with a soft voice as she reached for his hand, “I don’t think that’s why Sam did it. He did it because he cares about you no matter if you want to date him or not.”

Kurt knew that. If he didn’t care about him, he wouldn’t have done that after Kurt rejected him, and truth is it warmed his heart in indescribable ways.

“That’s not the only reason I feel guilty, though,” He admitted.

“Why else then?”

“It’s just that…” Kurt looked at the cone in his hand and moved it between his fingers nervously, “When I started thinking about who I wanted to bring to the wedding if I could bring a boy, my first thought wasn’t Sam. I mean, I thought about Sam, he just wasn’t my first thought.”

“So this is kind of about Blaine after all,” Mercedes said, sighing. She seemed a bit frustrated, like Kurt didn’t understand something obvious about the situation, which was annoying. She looked directly into his eyes as she continued, like she was talking to a little kid, “Blaine is nice, okay? I like him. But just because he’s the first gay guy you’ve met, it doesn't mean you should date him. And, honestly, I don’t know what Sam’s deal is at the moment but he really likes you. Shouldn’t that count for something?”

Kurt stayed quiet for a while. She made it sound like he wasn’t giving Sam a chance, but it was more complicated than that, and that was exactly the problem. Sam still had to figure things out, no matter how not-confused he claimed to be. Everything he did always seemed like a spur of the moment rather than a conscious decision, and, at the moment, Kurt didn’t need that in his life. He needed someone like Blaine, who was so confident in who he was it was comforting to have him around, like an anchor keeping him from sinking from the weight everybody else put on him his entire life. Sam could be a good friend. As long as he accepted that was all he was going to be.

The meeting with Principal Sylvester the next day was something like a victory. Even though Dave tried to twist things around to make it seem like Kurt was making the whole thing up and Kurt had to retain certain information to not out him in front of his father, Sue Sylvester was fair for once in her life and expelled Karofsky on the spot. She did say he could appeal to the school board, but for the time being Kurt was glad he could spend the next few days in peace.

Kurt had underestimated how beautiful the wedding would be. It was probably not the best thing in the world, but it was special and he hadn’t seen his dad smile so much in years while simultaneously being on the verge of tears, and even Kurt was surprised during the reception by a number Finn prepared with the rest of the club to apologize for not standing up for him and celebrate their new brotherhood. It felt like closure and a new start, because even though the Hudsons and the Hummels had become a family over the past few months, this was the true birth of the Hudmels (a name Finn insisted was awesome ) and as Finn also said before performing Just The Way You Are and inviting him to dance with him, it was the birth of Furt .

Kurt didn’t have time to worry about anything else, not even the looks Sam would shoot at him during the entire reception while keeping an arm around Quinn’s shoulders like he was using her as a shield, though Kurt didn’t know what he would need protection from. Whatever it was, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was his family’s happiness.

They all lived in a bubble until Monday morning, when Principal Sylvester called him into her office, where he found his parents (it sounded weird in his head) sitting with hard looks on their faces while they apparently waited for him. Kurt sat down between them and Carole immediately reached for his hand, giving it a light squeeze while shooting a nervous smile his way. Nobody had said a word, but they all knew they were about to receive bad news.

Principal Sylvester informed them Karofsky would return the next day after successfully appealing to the school board. Kurt’s heart dropped and the room went silent for a second before his dad said something about the injustice of it all that Kurt didn’t really hear as he was overwhelmed with terror. If Karofsky received nothing but a warning for all he did, there’s nothing that could stop him from doing something more .

They walked out of the office in silence. Kurt tried his best to sound not-so terrified when he talked to his dad and Carole.

“Well, I guess I’ll try to enjoy the rest of the day, before the terror starts anew. I’ll see you at home.”

He walked past them as Carole touched his arm in a brief but comforting gesture that didn’t really work. He was walking down the hall, a few meters ahead of them when his dad’s voice stopped him.

“Hey, Kurt. Wait up a second, there’s something we want to talk to you about.”

Kurt looked at both of them before walking back to where he came from and stood nervously in front of them as they shared a worried yet complicit look. His dad moved his head in Kurt’s direction while looking at Carole, giving her permission to speak first.

“Honey, we are really grateful for what you did with the wedding. You worked hard and the result was more than wonderful. Your dad and I have talked about this a lot during the past few days and we thought it wouldn’t be necessary after all, but this news changed everything. Before you say anything, I need you to hear us out,” She said, eyes fixated on Kurt’s to give him comfort. It was a motherly look that would have made Kurt smile if it wasn’t for the circumstances, and the fact that his hands were starting to shake a little. He nodded and she looked at his dad.

He seemed to hold his breath for a second, then added,

“Look, kiddo, I know we’ve been talking and talking about our honeymoon and you’ll probably try to stop us from what we’re about to suggest but you need to know it’s been decided on our part. All you have to do is say yes.” He said.

Carole continued, “We’ve decided to use our honeymoon money to pay for tuition at Dalton. From what we’ve heard from you, we know you’d be safer there than you’d be here now that that…boy is coming back, and those savings will cover at least a couple of months, and what happens after, we’ll figure it out. Our honeymoon can wait, your safety cannot.”

Kurt was speechless. He knew what he was supposed to say—protest about how unfair it was they had to spend their honeymoon money on him and that there’s no way he could ever agree to something like that—but he also knew deep in his heart that whatever he said would be a lie, because for the first time in a long time he felt hopeful. All he managed to do was nod.

“So you agree, Kurt?” His dad asked, emphasizing his name as if to remind him who he was.

Kurt nodded again, and Carole was the first one to pull him close for a hug. He leaned towards her, placing his cheek on her shoulder as his dad’s arm clung to his back, and they stood in the hallway for a while. It was nice to feel supported like this, but Kurt couldn’t help but feel Finn’s absence in the embrace. He won’t like this , he thought.

After it was settled, Kurt held onto his messenger bag and made his way to the choir room, and as he walked it became more and more obvious that the worst part was coming once he stepped a foot in that room.

Mr. Schue was talking about preparing for sectionals when he arrived, and while he hoped he could become invisible for a second to prepare himself, he noticed Kurt’s arrival immediately.

“Kurt. Good. I wanna talk to you about this amazing idea I had for a solo for you at sectionals.”

He seemed to expect an enthusiastic reaction to the news, but Kurt felt a bitter taste in his mouth as he heard his teacher’s own enthusiasm about them. It was strange, because for a year he’d been waiting to be appreciated for his talent, and just last week he would’ve been jumping up and down at the idea of having a solo in a competition, but in that moment he felt nothing. What would be the point in getting excited anyway?

Before Mr. Schue could go on and make what was coming even more awkward than it had to be, Kurt asked, “Can I make an announcement first?” After Mr. Schue agreed, Kurt continued, “First, I wanted to thank everyone for what you did at my dad’s wedding, especially Finn,” The way Finn seemed paralyzed for an instant at the mention of his name as his eyes lit up almost broke Kurt’s heart instantly, but he had to keep going, “It’s nice to know that I have great friends here, as well as a true brother…” Finn’s smile and nod made his heart crack some more, “Which is why it’s so hard for me to leave.”

Every single pair of eyes in the choir room grew wide, and Quinn surprised him when she was the first to speak with an alarmed look in her face, “What do you mean ‘leave’ ?”

He looked directly at her, probably because it hurt less than seeing everyone else’s faces drop in front of him.

“I’m transferring to Dalton Academy, immediately,” It felt like everyone stopped breathing for a second, but he couldn’t stop, “My parents are using the money they saved up for their honeymoon to pay for the tuition.”

For a second Kurt thought nobody would say anything, as they all seemed to be frozen at the news, until Tina spoke with a pained voice, “Kurt, you can’t leave.”

Finn got up and walked towards him, and Kurt had to fight the urge to step back. Why was it so hard to face him?

“What the hell, dude? How about you talk with me about this first?”

“I’m sorry, Finn. But there’s nothing to talk about. Karofsky’s coming back tomorrow, so that means I won’t be.”

It all felt like a nightmare. The disappointed look on his friends and brother’s faces, the thickness in the air that he was sure was all in his head but still made him feel so heavy, like he could only be free of that weight if he explained. But explaining means talking and he meant it when he said there’s nothing to talk about, because when you talk about it, it means there’s a chance of stepping back and it’s too late to do that.

Sam’s voice snapped him back to reality. It was not a nightmare. It was something worse.

“We can protect you,” Is all he said, but there was a mix of worry and desperation in his voice that meant ‘Let me protect you.’ and Kurt wondered for a second if anyone else in that room could hear it too.

“Seriously,” Puck’s voice, another reality check, “We can like, form a perimeter around you, like the secret service.”

“Yeah,” Finn agreed.

Kurt appreciated the sentiment, but he wished the boys realized how humiliating that would be.

“The only thing that can protect me is what they have at Dalton, a zero-tolerance no bullying policy. It’s enforced.”

Rachel said something he didn’t quite register but everyone else seemed offended by it, so Kurt figured it was insensitive in a Rachel Berry fashion, and suddenly all he wanted to do was run away from that room because there was no point in explaining further knowing they could never get it. Then Mercedes got up and said his name with such a soft voice it broke his heart in pieces. How could he say goodbye to her, to any of them, after everything they’ve been through together? But he had no other choice. Good intentions and friends were no match for a guy who threatened to kill him and, for all Kurt knew, was capable of it. He was going to do all of them more good staying away, at least from now, and all he could hope for in the meantime was forgiveness.

He knew he didn’t do anything wrong, he just needed to be safe, but guilt was something he couldn’t shake off.

“I’m sorry. I…I have to go,” He said as he held back tears, took a deep breath and walked out of the choir room.

Chapter Text

It didn’t take long for Kurt to realize that Dalton was not the ideal place for him. But at least his life wasn’t at risk, and that was worth the nightmare of wearing the same clothes everyday and the lack of democracy inside the Warblers.

Well, he did get an audition for a solo, so at least it wasn’t all that bad. Except for the fact that there was only one person who could help him prepare for such an occasion and asking for help was a longshot since they were now competitors. However, Rachel herself was so affected by her solo at sectionals being snatched from her hands that she didn’t mind helping him at all. In fact, she was quite pleased.

After they settled for Don’t Cry For Me Argentina , they took a little while to catch up. According to her, everything was a disaster, but it sounded great to him that Santana was about to get a solo at sectionals and that Sam and Quinn were going to do a duet. He wished Sam told him about the duet himself, but he assumed Sam could have thought that talking about competitions would taint their conversations.

Kurt had been talking to Sam a lot. Much more than they did when they attended the same school, so that’s another perk of being away, because he really enjoyed talking to Sam. He enjoyed his jokes and impressions over the phone and funny videos being sent everyday. He couldn’t deny he was growing on him at a fast pace, and it scared him to death to even think about where that could lead because he promised himself he would bury those feelings deep inside him so not even himself could find them.

He was walking down the hall towards the exit when he heard his voice calling his name, and he turned around to see him running his way. He quickly looked down on himself to make sure he was at least decent in the monotony of his uniform.

“Hey, why didn’t you tell me you were coming here?” Sam asked, a sweet smile on his face.

“Why didn’t you tell me about your rise to stardom?” Kurt asked back, and Sam looked deeply confused, “Rachel told me you’ll be singing at sectionals.”

Sam laughed nervously, “Right, yeah. Rachel was really pissed off about that.”

“Are you nervous?”

“I don’t know, should I be?” Sam replied, “Because I haven’t thought much about it, we’ve just been rehearsing.”

There was something about Sam that reminded Kurt of Finn. Some kind of genuine cluelessness that showed up at times, that in Sam was multiplied by the way he undeniably made him feel. It was a soft feeling spreading from deep in his chest to his skin. He didn’t want to give it much thought and he wished it could be as easy for him as it was for Sam.

“I’m sure you’ll do great,” Kurt assured him.

Sam’s smile returned as he took a look at Kurt. A real look, head to toe, inspecting him but not in a bad way. In fact, it made Kurt feel like he was something worth looking at. Sam nodded.

“You look cute in your uniform,” He said, “Too cute for those rich boys.”

And the always present flirting. It came naturally so it wasn’t uncomfortable at all, but it was impossible for Kurt to decipher whether Sam had accepted their friendship status or if he was expecting to get anywhere else. However, he knew Sam wasn’t the kind of guy who goes around with ulterior motives, so he figured he was just happy to have him around. And Kurt liked it even though it made his face turn red.

It was better when the flirting took place in text form. That way at least Sam didn’t see him like he was seeing him at that very moment. It took Sam a moment to notice, though, and when he started blushing too it became obvious that he didn’t intend to flirt that way. They both looked away for a second.

“Thank you, Sam. I miss my clothes, though,” Kurt replied, trying to sound natural.

“Yeah, I miss seeing you around the hallways wearing those fun outfits,” Sam said with a light smile, “I mean, I just miss you. All about you.”

There was a quiet moment where neither of them knew what to say, and it soon turned into uncomfortable silence, so Kurt took it as his cue to get the hell out of there, “I should get going now. It was nice seeing you, Sam.”

“We'll talk on the phone later, right? Like we said,” Sam asked, sounding adorably hopeful.

Kurt nodded, “Of course.”

They shared a smile before Kurt walked away, and he couldn’t help but turn to look back before exiting the door just in case Sam hadn’t already walked away too. But there he was, smiling back at him like he was waiting for him to look his way.

It’s not like Kurt wasn’t used to rejection, but it still felt like a punch in the face. And it’s not like it was Kurt’s fault that he couldn’t blend in, it’s just that it wasn’t in his DNA to be one of the bunch, so it was difficult to find something or someone to blame.

Still, it was nice of Blaine to invite him for a coffee at the Lima Bean after class to make him feel better. They sat at a table near the windows.

“You just have to adapt,” Blaine said, “You’re new and it was your first try, it doesn’t mean you didn’t do amazing. I’m sure you’ll get it next time,” He finished with a little wink.

It was really nice to be around Blaine, and he was the only person who actually made him feel welcome at Dalton. Everyone else was nice as well, but they lacked a certain warmth Blaine had to him. He was handsome too, and Kurt didn’t want to admit it, but he was trying really hard to feel around him the way he felt with Sam. He knew Mercedes was right when she said he didn’t have to date Blaine just because he was the first gay guy he knew, but he wanted to indulge in a little crush that he didn’t seem to achieve. After a while he decided he’d rather keep Blaine as a friend more than anything else without even fantasizing about anything else. And Blaine seemed to feel the same way.

“Thank you for your encouragement,” Kurt said, “But I’m starting to think the Warblers are not… Me. ”

Blaine leaned over the table, “Hey, Kurt. I know you’ll adapt.”

Kurt didn’t like that Blaine made it sound like he had to adapt because he had no other choice. It was probably true, but he wanted to go back to where he belonged so desperately he didn’t want to fall into that mindset. He wished Sam was with him at that very moment, because he knew his smile would make him feel better than a million words of encouragement from Blaine. He felt bad for it, though, because he knew Blaine was really trying to be a good, supportive friend.

“For now let’s just worry about surviving sectionals,” Kurt replied, taking a sip of his coffee.

Blaine smiled. Yeah, he was undeniably cute. In a puppy-like way.

“How is our competition?” He asked, and Kurt raised an eyebrow, “I’m not trying to get you to give me information about your friends, I just need to know how good they are.”

“Oh, they’re good. That’s all I can say.”

They didn’t stay much longer at the coffee shop. It was starting to get busy and it was almost time for Kurt’s call with Sam, so he didn’t oppose when Blaine suggested leaving.

He got home with only ten minutes to spare, ran upstairs and locked himself up in his room so he could make himself comfortable before the phone rang. These weekly calls with Sam were usually long, even when they didn’t have much to talk about and their conversations turned into Sam asking Kurt to request impressions and Sam complying as well as he could. Kurt liked Sam. He really, really liked him, enough to not care about what they talked about if it meant hearing his voice.

His phone rang at eight p.m. sharp, and Kurt knew that Sam was waiting by the phone for at least half an hour counting the minutes until it was time, which was why the calls were always suspiciously punctual. Kurt leaned back on the bed and stared at the ceiling as he picked up his cellphone.

“Do we need the monkey?” Sam said in an impeccable impression of Indiana Jones.

That’s another thing about Sam, he always greeted Kurt with an impression and dared him to guess what it was. He tended to guess it right away, but he pretended to give it some thought, and it was a tricky thing because both things gave Sam a sense of accomplishment in different directions. If Kurt responded too fast, it meant his impression was excellent, and if Kurt responded too slow, it meant Kurt’s knowledge of pop culture was lacking.

“ I'm surprised at you, Jones. Talking that way about our baby. He's got your looks too ,” Kurt said without bothering to change his voice. It was an easy one, because they watched the movie together over the phone a few days before.

“ And your brains, ” Sam replied.

But Kurt couldn’t say the next line because he didn’t remember, “You got me there, I lost.”

Sam laughed, “Another one for me!”

“Are you keeping a score or something?” Kurt asked.

“Yup. If I win you’ll have to buy me a burger with fries and a soda.”

“That’s not fair considering I did not know it was a competition,” Kurt said, “And even if I knew, it’s still not fair because you’re the one who comes up with the lines so you always know the answer!”

“Maybe I just want you to go out with me,” Sam replied with a casual tone, “I haven’t forgotten, alright? You said we’d go out some other time after you said no to my invitation and you’ve just avoided the subject ever since so I have to resort to manipulation.”

Kurt didn’t even notice the moment the smile appeared on his face, but when he finally did, he felt his blood rush to his cheeks and his neck. He was so glad he was alone. And he was so glad it was Sam the one making him blush.

Oh god, Sam was making it really hard for Kurt to keep his promises. He liked him. Not the way you’re supposed to like a friend, and for once the feeling was mutual. Was he really going to mess up the opportunity to have something special with someone as special as Sam just for what? He didn’t even remember the reason anymore. His stomach felt tight with butterflies as he thought about it, hands holding and a soft brush of lips. He couldn’t do it anymore, could he?

He wasn’t even thinking when he said it, “You’re cute, you know that?”

There was silence on the other side of the line, and Kurt started to panic a little. It was the first time he ever said anything like that to a boy and he feared it sounded weird somehow and he hated that not even an infinite supply of romantic movies could prepare him for this.

Then Sam spoke.

“You’re cuter,” He said with a calm voice, “You’re the cutest, actually.”

Kurt managed to blush more than he thought was humanly possible. It was like his cheeks were about to explode and the heat was expanding from his cheeks to the rest of his head, drops of sweat flourishing on his scalp, then on his neck. His hands were shaking, and in a second of bravery, he said,  “I like you, Sam. Not just as a friend.”

“I like you too,” Sam’s reply came quickly and naturally, “Not just as a friend.”

“I know, you’ve told me.”

“Well, I don’t want you to forget,” Sam said.

Kurt smiled. They were getting somewhere. He didn’t know exactly how things worked in real life but this was enough for the time being. It would be easier if he didn’t still feel so shy when talking to him face to face, though.

Sam spoke again, “So I’ll see you at sectionals, right?”

“Yeah. Can’t wait to hear you and Quinn,” Kurt replied.

“I don’t know, I hope I don’t pass out while I sing. But Santana is gonna kill it. Oh shit, I’m not supposed to say anything ‘cause we’re rivals but you’re not gonna snitch, are you?”

“You can trust me. You guys are still my friends, remember?”

He can almost hear Sam’s smile, a bright wide smile that he found so beautiful he wished he was there with Sam so he could see it, “Mm. Everyone misses you, by the way. I miss you the most but everyone else does too.”

Kurt giggled at his territorial tone, like he’s pushing everyone out of his way so he could have first place in the missing Kurt competition.

“I miss you the most too,” Kurt replied, and as he did he realized that during the last few weeks at McKinley, Sam was the only one who made him smile, “Don’t tell anyone.”

“So I can’t brag about it?” Sam asks, faking disappointment.

That warm feeling in his chest, Kurt liked it too much to try to repress it anymore, “Maybe it can be our secret.”

Kurt enjoyed watching the New Directions perform more than he enjoyed performing with the Warblers. It’s not that it was bad, in fact, it was amazing and it was the first time he felt like he truly belonged, but seeing his friends do what they did best filled him with pride and joy. Sam and Quinn’s duet was adorable and Santana sounded incredible. He wished he could be onstage with them, but he was also really happy to be able to see how great they were in a way he couldn’t appreciate while being onstage.

He went to see everyone backstage after the whole thing was done, and he was met by a tight hug from Mercedes followed by one from Quinn, then Brittany, then he earned a cheek kiss from Tina, and even Santana took a second of her time to hug him, then the boys also gave him quick hugs and pats in the back. He noticed Sam sitting on an armchair at the back of the room, and he practically ran to Kurt as soon as the space around him was clear, but stopped himself before hugging him to make sure it was a friendly hug, even though neither of them felt precisely friendly since their last conversation. Suddenly everyone disappeared and all Kurt wanted was for them to be alone, even if it was just to silently look at each other.

Rachel was the second to last one to hug him as they already saw each other before the competition started, and Finn was the last one, who always hugged him like they didn’t see each other every single day. Then there were a lot of compliments and questions about what it was like for Kurt to be in Dalton, including Puck’s undying curiosity about whether everyone there was gay or not.

“He would have a boyfriend already if they were all gay, don’t you guys think?” Finn said, sounding very proud of his answer as he looked at Kurt, who raised his eyebrows and nodded.

“I think he has,” Rachel said with a singing voice and a wide smile on her face, then she turned to the group, “He was hanging around with a cute guy, the main singer from the Warblers, no less.”

They all shared looks and a collective “oooh” was heard.

Kurt felt his cheeks turn red as he turned to look at Sam, whose expression hardened considerably. He avoided looking at Kurt, and even Quinn seemed more serious than usual. He wondered how much Sam had told her, and he worried it was just as much as Kurt would tell Mercedes, though he hadn’t even given her any updates on the situation. And speaking of Mercedes, she put an arm around Kurt in a protective gesture.

“Blaine is not Kurt’s boyfriend, okay? Leave him alone.”

“Why not, Kurt? Are you too much of a lady for a gay guy?” Santana asked with a mocking tone.

“Shut up, Santana,” Sam quickly said, and everyone turned to him. He was quite literally red, “All of you guys suck.”

He got up, and Quinn held his arm to try to make him sit down again, but he broke free from her touch and walked out of the room. Nobody said anything in what felt like an eternity, and Kurt felt the need to go after Sam but he knew it would be too obvious, so he just turned to Mercedes hoping she would save him. She didn’t need to do it, though, because Kurt’s phone buzzed in his pocket with a message from Blaine telling him to meet with everyone else in the lobby.

“Okay, I have to go now. It was nice to see you guys,” Kurt said. He kissed Mercedes’ cheek and waved at everyone else before running out of that room just to avoid looking at anyone. They were his friends, but it is normal to sometimes not want to be around your friends, right?

He was walking down the hallway when he ran directly into Sam, who had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his hands on his hips, looking like a very stressed adult. Neither of them said anything at first, but it didn’t take much time for Kurt to realize that Sam was too mad to say anything.

“He’s not my boyfriend, okay?” Kurt said, “They’re being stupid, they don’t know anything.”

Sam took a deep breath before shaking his head, “I know he’s not your boyfriend. It’s just that I wish they stopped saying those things. Quinn told me they’ve all noticed that we like each other, so I feel like they’re making fun of us, like they’re being cruel because they know about us, and it makes me feel like I don’t belong anymore because you’re not there.”

Kurt was too confused about the they’ve all noticed part to say anything right away. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Let’s go,” Blaine said, then he looked up at Sam, “Oh, hey.”

There was an awkward silence, except Blaine obviously didn’t know it was awkward because he didn’t know about Sam, and there was Sam, his cheeks once again red with anger. He nodded towards Blaine without taking his eyes away from Kurt. Neither of them noticed Blaine holding a hand out for Sam to shake until Blaine pulled it away.

Sam snapped out of it and frowned, finally daring to look at Blaine, “I’m sorry, man. Hi.”

Blaine smiled as he offered him a hand again, and Sam shook it, “It’s Blaine. You guys did amazing up there.”

Sam didn’t even thank him for the compliment, he just looked at him with an uncharacteristic hostility like a wild dog that was about to bite a chunk out of him at any moment. It took Blaine a moment to register Sam’s bad attitude, then he forced a smile and kept walking as he gestured to Kurt that he would be waiting outside.

“Are you sure you don’t like him?” Sam asked with a sharp voice, “He seems very… Likable.”

Kurt sighed, “Sam. Don’t be like this. We’ll talk later, I have to go now,” He didn’t wait for an answer before walking away.

Chapter Text

Quinn called at 8 p.m. sounding quite disturbed and asked Sam to come to her house. He didn’t feel like he had much of a choice in the matter, so he got out of his house as soon as his dad came home and, when he got to Quinn’s house, she was waiting for him outside biting her nails, grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him into the house and upstairs without giving him a chance to say hi to her mom. He tried to ask what was going on but all she did was shush him.

He sat at the foot of her bed while she paced around for a few minutes, then she turned to look at him and said, “I need to ask you a favor.”

“Sure,” Sam shrugged, “What is it?”

“Kiss me,” Quinn said abruptly.

Sam couldn’t help but laugh, but Quinn was serious .

“Why?”

Quinn sat beside him, “I’ll tell you after you kiss me.”

It was weird. Quinn was not the type of girl who had to ask to be kissed as a favor. She could have gotten any boy to kiss her if she wanted, but Sam supposed he was no one to judge and she must have had her reasons, so he silently nodded while Quinn sat there waiting weirdly nervous for him to make the move.

He gave her another look to make sure she really wanted him to kiss her, and she nodded. He cupped her cheek and leaned in, closing his eyes way before he should and trying not to think that it was Quinn the one he was about to kiss, because no matter how pretty she was, he just couldn’t see her that way. It felt almost like he was about to kiss his sister, and the thought made him a little queasy as he pressed their lips together. At least she tasted nice because of her strawberry flavored lip gloss, but the kiss itself was as awkward as he imagined. They didn’t even deepen it in any way, they just stayed still until Quinn pulled away.

“That was gross,” Was the first thing she said.

Sam frowned, “Rude.”

“I’d ask you to kiss me again to be sure but I really don’t want to,” She said, “I might throw up if we do it again.”

He wasn’t sure if she was that serious anymore, so he asked, “Am I that bad of a kisser?”

Quinn shook her head, “It’s not you.”

“What is it then?” Sam asked.

“It’s that you’re a boy,” She answered, but it sounded more like a question, “I think I like girls.”

Sam laughed again, but she looked genuinely distressed, biting her nails again with a frown on her face with the look of someone who’s about to burst into tears.

“What?”

She swallowed hard, “It’s just that… After your thing , I started thinking and I realized that maybe some things I felt for girls before were not what I thought they were. Then I thought about how I never felt like that with boys. Not with Finn or Puck or… I even feel like I should see you that way but I don’t. I mean, I know you’re attractive but I personally don’t think you are.”

“Should I be offended?”

“No! That’s not the point, okay? The point is that you just proved to me that I do not like boys the way I should. The problem now is that I don’t know how to get a girl to kiss me so I can verify if I like girls or not.”

Sam didn’t know what to say, because it was definitely not the same situation as his. He never doubted he liked girls, he just had trouble with the boy part, so he couldn’t really imagine what Quinn must be going through. He did know she must be scared, though, because that was the type of thing that completely changed somebody’s perception of themselves.

“Well, like you asked me you should ask a girl you trust,” He suggested.

Quinn scoffed, “I only trust Mercedes and I doubt she’d agree to kiss me.”

“You should try,” Sam said, “It’s the only way to be sure, right?”

Instead of saying anything, Quinn hugged him tightly. He put his arms around her as he heard her try to contain her sobs, and he wished he had words of comfort but he knew that even if he had them, they probably wouldn’t work on her. They stayed like that for a while before she said she needed to be alone and he headed back home.

A couple of hours later, as soon as he was in bed, he texted Kurt.

Sam: 

> Did you ever doubt if you liked guys?

It took Kurt a couple of minutes to respond.

Kurt:

> Not really

> I did give heterosexuality a try last year though

> Didn’t work

Sam: 

> What does that mean?

Kurt:

> I don’t wanna talk about it

Sam:

> Ok then

Kurt: 

> Why do you ask?

Sam : 

> I was just curious

> I wish people always knew who they are

> Like you

Kurt: 

> I think it’s a good thing to get to discover yourself

Sam: 

> But it hurts sometimes

Kurt: 

> That’s how you learn

Sam fell asleep thinking about that last message. He knew it was true but he still wished the whole self-discovery thing didn’t hurt Quinn too much.

Though Dalton was not necessarily boring, it was a very uneventful place. There were no insane people doing insane things every week, not any rivalries inside the Warblers –Everyone agreed that basically every solo had to go to Blaine and nobody complained– and it was overall a great place to receive an education compared to McKinley or any public school for that matter. Kurt was starting to feel more comfortable there, but he really did miss the insanity of the New Directions, especially when he ended up listening to Rachel and Mercedes talking about how the football team joined the glee club. He couldn’t even imagine how such a thing could happen even though the girls literally explained it.

They left first while he and Blaine stayed there for another coffee. Actually, Kurt didn’t really want another coffee, he just wanted to take a moment to absorb everything that was happening that he was not a part of anymore and accept that he would most likely never be again… And Blaine just happened to be there. He wished he would just leave but he knew that Blaine was not the kind of guy who left his friend alone at a coffee shop in the middle of what from the outside might look like an existential crisis.

They remained silent for a while before Blaine for some mysterious reason decided he had to speak, “You really miss your old school.”

He said it like it was a big discovery he just made and it was kind of annoying, but Kurt would never say that to him or even show annoyance simply because he was grateful enough to not want to hurt his feelings. That was the weird thing about their friendship, that Kurt really liked to have him around, yet he felt like owed him something for all the help, though in a very different way to how he felt he owed Sam for standing up for him. With Sam it was easy, he didn’t need to force it and he actually liked him in a way he didn’t like Blaine, which was maybe the reason why it sometimes did feel forced with the latter.

“Of course I do. At least I’ll go to the game, that’s going to be interesting.”

“Everything seems to be interesting over there,” Blaine said, “You must be bored with us.”

Kurt smiled, “No, it’s nice to have a little peace and quiet for a change,” He said. He finally dared to take a sip of his already lukewarm coffee and added, “Are you coming with me? To the game, I mean.”

“I will if you want me there,” Blaine replied.

He did. He really could use moral support when going back to McKinley, even if it was for a football game. And Blaine liked football, so everyone won.

Kurt didn’t tell Sam he was going to the game. He probably figured it out anyway since Finn was there and they were brothers now, so it was quite obvious he’d go see his brother, but he was hoping he didn’t so he could surprise him. Him, his dad, Carole and Blaine took their seats and watched –It was funny to see the girls in their football uniforms. They looked adorable–, cheered, and even danced a little while the New Directions and the football team performed a really fun mashup of Thriller and Heads Will Roll dressed up as zombies.

They went to the parking lot after the game and waited for Finn, who had to shower and take off all his zombie makeup. While they waited, his dad and Blaine talked about the game and strategies and other things Kurt would probably understand better if he stayed on the football team when he had the chance. He didn’t care much, though, because he kept thinking about Sam. He should’ve probably went down to the field to say hi before the team hit the showers, but he was too nervous about it so he hoped to at least be able to see him before they left. That is if he came out before Finn.

Of course, he didn’t. Finn ran to them and shared hugs with everyone while they showered him with compliments and congratulations. It took Kurt a while to realize he had to do it too and Finn must have noticed how distracted he was because he put a hand to his shoulder and leaned enough to speak close to Kurt’s ear so nobody else heard what he said.

“He’s still in there trying to take his makeup off. We were the last two so he’s alone now,” Finn said, “I can keep them distracted while you go see him if you want.”

Finn gave him a sympathetic look and Kurt didn’t know what to say for a moment. Of course he noticed. Sam did say everyone noticed but Finn was usually oblivious, so Kurt didn’t think he would have. But maybe it was something that day after sectionals or maybe he heard them talking on the phone from his room since Kurt left it on speaker sometimes when they talked while he did his nightly routine. He nodded and smiled at Finn, silently thanking him as Finn walked away and started talking about how awesome the game was.

Since Finn didn’t say exactly where Sam was, he walked straight to the choir room. It was more likely for them to be taking their makeup off there than the locker room, and luckily he was right. There was Sam with his back to the door, sitting in front of an improvised vanity, looking in the mirror while trying to take off his base with what looked like a regular wet wipe instead of the makeup removing ones, which was definitely not going to be enough. For a second he remembered a similar situation in his basement with Finn a year ago, which was not precisely a good memory, but it made him realize how much things had changed. Now Finn was his brother, and Kurt liked a boy who liked him back for a change.

“That’s not going to work,” Kurt said, louder than expected.

Sam didn’t seem surprised, almost like he was waiting for him, and he looked at him through the mirror.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” He said.

“You want some help?”

Sam turned around. His face was a weird mix of green, yellow and grey, but he still managed to look handsome, “That’d be cool.”

They shared a smile as Kurt walked closer and looked around for something among all the half finished products among the rest of the vanities. He found some cleansing balm and micellar water, which should be enough, though he would probably still have a slightly greenish undertone for the next few days. He sat in front of Sam, who turned around enough so they’re looking directly at each other.

Kurt took an open bag of cotton pads that was at a reaching distance and wetted one with the micellar water before gently patting Sam’s cheek with it. He felt Sam’s eyes on him as he did it, but it didn’t make him nervous. At some point over the past few weeks it became so easy to be around Sam, to be looked at by him… It was nice.

“You were great out there,” Kurt said, “Don’t tell Finn, but I think you’d make a great full-time quarterback.”

Sam chuckled, “Thanks, another secret for our list. I still haven’t told anyone that you miss me more than them, though I’d love to brag.”

“Well, apparently they all know I like you, so… It’s probably not a secret anymore,” Kurt said, looking up until their eyes met, “I give you permission to brag.”

Sam smiled, and they remained silent while Kurt kept doing his job. It took a while and almost an entire bag of cotton pads, but by the time he finished Sam was barely greenish and as cute as ever. Sam looked in the mirror and his smile widened, “Thanks again.”

Kurt watched him move his wet hair from one side to the other and study his own face in the mirror, and it came to mind that saying Sam was cute was an understatement. He was beautiful. There was something beautiful inside him that was visible on the outside, mixed with his beauty and made him exceptional in a way not many people were.

Sam turned around to look at him and Kurt didn’t really think about it. In fact, he only noticed what he did when he felt the warmth of Sam’s lips against his, and he realized he was the one leaning in. It took a moment before Sam cupped his cheek with an unexpectedly soft hand, and suddenly it was not just two pairs of lips pressed against each other but an actual kiss. A kiss with taste. A kiss that felt real .

It could have lasted ten seconds or five minutes or two hours, it was impossible to know because time seemed to have stopped. Their lips slightly parted for a moment just to meet again, and Sam pulled Kurt closer with both hands at the sides of his head. Kurt’s cheeks were flushed when he finally pulled back, and Sam was just as pink under the dim choir room lights. He was looking at him wide eyed and simply gorgeous.

Kurt got up and took a few steps backwards, offering Sam a warm smile, “Bye, Sam.”

He didn’t wait for an answer, he just quickly left the room and ran down the hallway towards the exit. His heart was pounding so loud he could hear it and feel it all over his body, and the further away he was from the choir room the more he scolded himself for what he just did. It’s true that they liked each other and people who liked each other usually kissed, but Kurt was terrified that Sam wasn’t ready for it. Kurt himself was barely ready for it. But he couldn’t help himself, could he? He had been waiting to kiss him from the moment they met.

By the time he got home he had six texts from Sam.

Sam:

> Hey

> Text me when you get home

> So I know you got there safe

> It’d be cool to talk too

> I’m guessing you’re already home by now unless you got into an accident

> Kurt talk to me please :(

Kurt tried to reply. He couldn’t find the words.

He woke up to four more texts.

Sam:

> Hi again

> I talked to Finn so at least I know you’re alive

> I still want to talk to you

> Or are you going back to ignoring me?

He didn’t reply this time either.

After two days of being left on read by Kurt, Sam had no choice but to go to Mercedes on Saturday. He didn’t tell her why he wanted to see her so he had to promise to buy her ice cream while they talked. They met at an ice cream parlor then walked to the park so they could find a place to sit. On the way there he tried to speak but Mercedes shushed him. What was it with girls not letting Sam speak?

They sat on a bench, and Mercedes said, “You can speak now.”

“Have you talked to Kurt?” He asked.

“Yeah, of course,” She said, and judging by her tone, she didn’t know about the kiss, “Something wrong?”

After the kiss, Sam was on cloud nine. It was the first time he ever kissed a boy and his lips were so soft and he tasted so nice and it made him realize just how much he really liked him, but his happiness was short-lived as Kurt started to ignore him. So he had spent the past two days overthinking. The only conclusion he came to was that Kurt regretted kissing him and didn’t know how to say it so he was ignoring him instead of directly rejecting him. It hurt like hell to think about that and he was so embarrassed about the imminent rejection that he didn’t even tell Quinn about it. But Mercedes was the closest he had to a connection with Kurt aside from Finn and he had to try.

“He’s ignoring me again,” He said and he unintentionally sounded like a kicked puppy, “I didn’t do anything wrong, I promise, it’s just that he kissed me and now he doesn’t talk to me and I don’t know what to do.”

Mercedes almost dropped her ice cream, “Wait. He kissed you?” She asked, clearly surprised, and Sam nodded, “So you didn’t kiss him. He kissed you . That’s what you’re saying.”

“Yeah!” Sam was starting to feel frustrated. It wasn’t Mercedes’ fault, but he couldn’t help it, “It was after the game. He helped me take off my makeup and then he kissed me.”

“Why hasn’t he told me?” Mercedes sounded a little outraged, completely missing the point, “So he has his first real kiss with a boy and he keeps it from me? He’ll have to hear me later.”

“Mercedes. Why is he ignoring me?” Sam asked, not being able to mask his desperation.

Mercedes shrugged, “He’s weird when it comes to you. He gets kind of unpredictable.”

“Is that bad?”

“No, I think it’s because he likes you so much he doesn’t know what to do with it,” Mercedes said, “You know, he doesn’t really have experience liking boys who like him back. He’s probably insecure about it, I’m sure he’s thinking you’ll reject him as much as you’re thinking he’ll reject you.”

That made Sam feel slightly better, but that was just another reason why he needed to talk to him, but Kurt wasn’t allowing it and he didn’t know what the hell to do to change that. Did he have to become a stalker and show up at Dalton or at his house or something? He didn’t want that. Or maybe he could manage to make Finn invite him over and make it look like a coincidence. No, an ambush wasn’t a good idea. He needed Kurt to want to talk to him, not to force him to.

“Can you help me?” He asked Mercedes, “I mean, you can talk him into not ignoring me.”

Mercedes pursed her lips and sighed, “He’s more stubborn than you think.”

“No, he’s exactly as stubborn as I think,” Sam replied, a little irritated, “That’s why I need help.”

She gave him a sympathetic look, “I’ll try. Now eat your ice cream before it melts in your hand.”

If there’s one thing Kurt didn’t expect when he woke up Sunday morning was that it was going to be the day he’d receive a text from Quinn Fabray. It was the first time they had any direct communication like that and it really sucked that she was texting him just to threaten him as the concerned best friend of the boy who had been trying to talk to him for days. Sadly, he knew he couldn’t ignore her of all people. There was something scary about Quinn in a way that he always liked. It was not as aggressive as Santana, more like the kind of girl who could find a way to silently destroy you.

Quinn:

> Kurt Hummel you better reply to Sam’s messages or I will take drastic measures

> And trust me, you don’t want to find out what I mean

Kurt:

> I’m sorry

> Is he mad at me?

Quinn:

> No, he’s hurt and that’s worse

> He thinks you hate him

Kurt:

> Why would I hate him?

Quinn:

> That’s what he’s been trying to figure out for the last three and a half days

> You know what?

> Don’t text him

> Call him

> Right now

Kurt knew Quinn could not force him to call Sam, but again, he was kind of scared of her. So he took a deep breath and dialed Sam’s number. It barely rang once before Sam picked up.

“Kurt,” He said, “Are you okay?”

He sounded genuinely concerned and Kurt didn’t know why, “Hi, Sam. Yeah, I’m okay,” He replied. He considered telling him that Quinn just threatened him, but he figured that would make Sam think he didn’t want to talk to him, “Sam, I’m so sorry I haven’t replied to your messages I just thought–”

“I thought you regretted it,” Sam cut him off, “I thought you didn’t know how to reject me and I’m still not sure that’s not what’s going on. But it’d be better if you just told me because this silence hurts way more.”

Kurt was not sure if he was okay anymore. At all. He was really hurting Sam and he didn’t even realize because he was too busy thinking about himself. He didn’t know if he could ever apologize enough to make up for it.

“Sam, why would I reject you? You’re the one who could reject me because I’m the one who kissed you.”

“And why would I reject you?” Sam quickly replied, “I told you once that all I did was thinking about kissing you and that… That hasn’t changed.”

“I’m sorry,” Kurt whispered, “I’m so sorry for not talking to you.”

“I want to kiss you again,” Sam said with a soft voice.

Kurt was blushing in that way he always blushed when talking to Sam, except now he had an actual reason to. It was a strange feeling to know that someone wanted to kiss him. It was nice, of course, and he knew he’d get used to it, but for now he needed to take a second to absorb this, that what until now felt like a game and a fantasy playing out in his head was actually real. It was the first time he really felt how much Sam liked him.

“I want that too,” He said.

The line remained silent for a moment, but Kurt knew Sam was smiling. Then their conversation took a different turn. It was like a weight lifted off both of their shoulders and they were back at catching up and talking about stupid things that wouldn’t have any importance if it was anyone else saying them. Sam told him that he talked to Mercedes who talked to Quinn and he figured Quinn would reach out to him at any time so he knew there was a threat involved but he was grateful because it worked. He told him he considered a bunch of crazy ways to get his attention. And Kurt listened and smiled. He didn’t have to say much because Sam knew he was listening.

“So now are you gonna keep your word and go out with me?” Sam asked.

Kurt wasn’t sure if he was actually asking him out on a date or something, but at that point it didn’t really matter, “Yeah. I’m available whenever you want.”

He called Mercedes afterwards, and luckily she was distracted enough being happy about the turn of events to complain about him not telling her earlier.

Timing was on Sam’s side. He wouldn’t have known had Quinn not mentioned it on Monday, but Valentine’s day was a week away, which meant he’d have the chance to go out with Kurt and actually make it as romantic as he could. It’s not like they were dating or anything, they had just been flirting for months and kissed once, but as days went by he was more and more convinced that he wanted to get there. He didn’t intend to pressure Kurt, though, but he was grateful for the coincidence.

He had to put that thought aside for a while, though, because for now he had to hear about the reason why Quinn mentioned Valentine’s day while they had burgers at the food court at the mall after class. She was still distressed and distracted, focused on her fries for a while after she said the words “Valentine’s day is a week away” without elaborating.

“What about Valentine’s day?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know. I’m just not used to not having a Valentine,” She replied, “It’s not that there aren’t invitations, you know, it’s that now that I know that I’m not who I thought I was… I don’t want to pretend.”

“Yeah, I get that,” He said. It was at least one thing their situations had in common.

“I asked Mercedes, by the way, the same favor I asked you,” Quinn added, ignoring what Sam just said, “It surprised me that she said yes, and… Well, I’m fucked.”

It was the first time Sam had ever heard Quinn curse. But that was beyond the point.

“And what?” He asked.

“It just confirmed everything!” Quinn replied, slightly exasperated, “That’s a good thing, I guess, but there’s always something bad coming out of everything, isn’t there?”

“Just tell me what it is, Q.”

Quinn was blushing. That was another first.

“I think I liked it a little too much,” She said, “Like, it’s not just that I felt comfortable because she’s a girl, it’s that… I think I liked it more because it was her .”

It took Sam a few seconds to process what she was implying, “You like her?”

“I don’t know!” Quinn sounded like she was about to cry, “How did you feel when Kurt kissed you?”

Sam shrugged, “I felt like I was dreaming and I didn’t wanna wake up. And I noticed things I never noticed when I kissed other people, like how he tasted but not the way you notice how a girl’s lipstick tastes, it was just… him , and the way he smelt and how warm his face was when I touched his cheek, and when he pulled away I felt empty and I looked at him and it was like he was an angel. I must sound crazy but that’s how I felt.”

Quinn was giving him one of her indecipherable looks, then she shook her head.

“You don’t sound crazy. Not at all.”

As Sam lied down on his bed he remembered when Mercedes said that she thought that one time he and Kurt went to Breadstix after duet week was a date, and he wondered if Kurt saw it that way too, but he ended up figuring that if that was the case, things wouldn’t have been as complicated as they’d been so far. A part of him would like to think that was sort of a date, but there was no denying that, at the time, it wasn’t more than a friendly hangout. 

Now there was the issue of getting a reservation at Breadstix for Valentine’s day. He called on Tuesday and luckily got a space at 7 p.m. next Monday, but he immediately regretted it because he feared maybe Kurt didn’t want to go out with him on Valentine’s day of all days. They had a scheduled call on Thursday, the only day Kurt was free from all the extra studying being at Dalton required from him, and he didn’t know how to bring it up, so he just listened to Kurt talk about how Blaine convinced the Warblers to go sing to some guy he liked at the GAP and how embarrassing it was and how bad he felt because Blaine ended up being rejected.

“I’d usually find a big gesture like that very romantic, but even I have to admit it was a bit much,” Kurt said.

Sam chuckled, “And none of you told him it was a shitty idea?”

“We all wanted to be supportive,” Kurt defended himself, “He was so excited and convinced all of us that the guy was into him too so it was going to work out just fine.”

“No offense, but all of you were bad friends,” Sam replied, “A good friend tells their friend when they’re about to do the most humiliating thing in the world.”

Kurt stayed quiet for a second, then he said, “Yeah, you’re right. But it’s really hard to say no to Blaine.”

They changed the subject to how things were going at McKinley, and Sam told him about all the songs being dedicated in the choir room and how disgusting Finn and Rachel were being and how jealous Santana looked when Artie sang to Brittany and the other thousand little stupid things that were going on. He was desperate to stop talking about it so he could get to the real thing he wanted to talk about, but at the same time he wanted to keep talking about it forever because he was too nervous.

“Sometimes you're the only thing I miss about McKinley,” Kurt said in the end, “Insanity is overrated once you meet peace and quiet which is what I have in Dalton.”

“Except when you end up singing to some random guy at the GAP,” Sam pointed out.

Sam could see Kurt roll his eyes a little, “That was an exception.”

He closed his eyes as he leaned back on his bed and put a hand to his forehead. This was it, wasn’t it?

“Hey, Kurt, about us going out…” He started, and it took him a moment to gather the courage to keep going, “I made a reservation at Breadstix if that’s okay. On Monday.”

Kurt didn’t say anything for a moment, and Sam was ready to apologize.

“You want us to go out on Valentine’s day?” Kurt asked with a strange tone in his voice that Sam couldn’t quite decipher, but he knew he never heard it before.

“Yeah, I mean, if you don’t have any problem with it.”

“I’d love that,” Kurt quickly said, like Sam was going to take back the invitation if his reply didn’t come fast enough, and that’s when Sam realized what he heard in Kurt’s voice before was hope , “Didn’t think I’d actually have a Valentine this year.”

Sam laughed nervously, “Me neither. It’s been a weird year. I mean, it’s not that you and me– That this is weird, I mean that I didn’t expect any of this to happen and–”

“Sam,” Kurt cut him off, “I get it.”

Sam took a deep breath. There was something comforting in Kurt’s voice sometimes, just like some other times he could manage to sound cold as ice. He did sound cold the first time Sam told him he liked him and he didn’t believe him, so it was amazing to finally get the warmth. Another deep breath. It’s okay. 

“Sorry. I always feel like I’m gonna mess up when I talk to you.”

“You shouldn’t. I like you better when you don’t worry so much,” He assures him.

“Got it,” Sam said, and he couldn’t help but think it was the stupidest thing to say.

“Got it,” Kurt repeated, and it sounded like he was holding his laughter.

“What?”

“Nothing, you’re just adorable.”

Sam couldn’t understand the effect Kurt had on him. Nobody had ever made him blush before, so he didn’t really know how it felt and the way it felt was embarrassing, because blushing is a physical display of your emotions a.k.a your body betraying you by giving away the exact way you feel. It’s not that he’d like to hide how much he liked Kurt considering the entire world already knew and he didn’t really care, but still felt weird. A boy told him he was adorable and suddenly his face was about to burst into flames.

He didn’t get to reply because his mom was calling his name from downstairs.

“Oh, shit. I have to go now, mom is calling me.”

“Okay, text me later?” Kurt said.

“Yeah, bye,” He wanted to say something more, but he couldn’t find the words.

Kurt had always fantasized of having a Valentine. He was a romantic, after all, but still it all felt like a silly dream until Sam asked to go out with him on Valentine’s day. He came home as fast as possible after class and it took him an embarrassing amount of time to find an appropriate outfit that did not give away how giddy he felt inside. They agreed to meet at Breadstix, and when he arrived there was Sam, standing by the door with his hands in his pockets. It was like a deja vú from the previous time they were here together, except now he had something to look forward to. Maybe a kiss at the end of the date, who knows. He’d still be happy even if he got to hold his hand for a second.

A smile appeared on Sam’s face as soon as he saw him, “Hi, Sam.”

It was the first time they saw each other since the kiss.

“Hey,” Sam replied, “You look cute.”

Don’t blush, don’t blush, don’t blush. Well, it was too late, he was blushing. But at least he wasn’t alone, because Sam seemed to be dealing with the same thing as they stepped into the restaurant, which was filled with couples and there were some really cheesy decorations but it was as romantic as things could be in Lima. They sat down at their table and ordered, and while they waited for their food to arrive Kurt noticed Sam fidgeting with the sleeves of his hoodie.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

Sam looked down and swallowed hard as he nodded, “I’m just nervous. I guess it’s typical nervousness a guy has when they go out with a guy they really like on Valentine’s day.”

“Actually, you’re always nervous around me,” Kurt pointed out, and he couldn't help the frown that appeared on his face,  “I don’t get it. I mean, I don’t really see myself as a guy who makes other guys nervous. Especially not guys like you.”

Sam smiled, “Well, you are. You’re really cool, you know, and cute too. And now I’m just– I’m trying to get used to this. Because this is what’s considered a date, right?”

Yeah, Kurt was officially convinced Sam was the most adorable person in the world.

“Going out together on Valentine’s day… Yeah, I’d say that’s a date.”

“Cool,” Sam said, nodding, “Yeah, that’s cool. I mean, I wanted to go out on a date with you, that’s like– That’s all I wanted, you know? So I hope this doesn’t suck and you don’t decide I’m not worth your time.”

It was a bit fascinating to watch Sam’s nerves unravel in front of him, but Kurt was starting to feel bad about it. Yeah, he was flattered he made Sam nervous but he didn't want him to have a heart attack before their food was served. He put a hand on his again and leaned a bit over the table, “Hey, that’s not gonna happen. I promise.”

Sam looked him in the eyes before slowly nodding, and he took a quick look at their hands together while chewing on his lower lip, and it took a second, but a smile ended up showing up on his face. Kurt smiled back at him before putting his hand away.

Dinner was nice. Food was as good as one could expect from Breadstix and Sam let himself relax, so they ended up being all jokes and laughs and overall exactly what Kurt expected a date would be, or at least what he wanted it to be. Two people who were friends and happened to also like each other enough to want to kiss each other, something Kurt really, really wanted.

He offered to drive Sam home, and as they walked to his car, Sam grabbed his wrist so he stopped walking and he turned around to look at him. Sam’s eyes were shining under the moonlight and he had a warm smile on those beautiful lips. He took the few steps that separated him from Kurt and held him by the waist with hands that were shaky and a little insecure but were there . Then he leaned in and pressed their lips together. This time it was not a surprise for either of them, so the way Kurt threw his arms around Sam’s neck was almost pure instinct. He felt Sam breathing heavy through his nose as he deepened the kiss.

This is how Kurt imagined it would be like to be kissed.

He didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want to ever, ever, ever have to let go.

Chapter Text

“You’ve been smiling a lot lately,” Blaine said as they sat down in the library to study together. Kurt for History, Blaine for English, “Not that it’s not a good thing, but as your friend I’d like to know why.”

Three days after Valentine’s day, Kurt was still high from that kiss after his date with Sam. He hadn’t told anyone, not even Mercedes, because there was this neverending fear of souring things by talking about them too soon. He knew Sam most likely told Quinn and, if he did, Kurt probably should thank Quinn for not telling Mercedes about it. But Blaine was in another category of friend, one who was possibly more… Discreet. So it wouldn’t hurt to talk about it.

“Remember when I skipped our coffee after class on Monday?” He replied, and Blaine nodded as he took his book out of his bag, “I kind of had a date that day.”

Blaine raised his eyebrows, “A Valentine’s day date. Was it the guy you were talking to after sectionals?”

Dear god. Was there anyone in Ohio who hadn’t noticed?

“What makes you think that?” Kurt asked.

“Well, he did look jealous when I approached you,” Blaine shrugged, “What’s his name?”

“It’s just… Sam,” Kurt said, then sighed, “I really like him.”

A tiny smile appeared on Blaine’s lips, “So are you guys dating?”

That’s something Kurt hadn’t even thought about and now that he did, he realized he should’ve. But he was so excited replaying what happened in his head that he kind of just… forgot that there was a future.

“Does going out once count as dating?” He asked.

Blaine took a second to ponder his answer, “I don’t think so. Do you want to date him?”

“Yes,” Kurt said, probably too quickly, “I really want to.”

“Then you should ask him.”

“Ask him what?”

That got a laugh out of Blaine and Kurt felt a little embarrassed. It was funny that the guy who just got rejected a week ago for acting like an insane person seemed to know –or at least think he knew– more about dating than he did. And Kurt used to think he knew about dating from all the romantic movies he’d watched, but over the past few weeks all that knowledge had been proven to be useless.

“To be your boyfriend,” Blaine said like it was obvious, which it actually was. And Kurt knew deep down but the idea of asking made him more anxious than excited, “You guys already know each other because you were already friends, right? So I think one date is enough for you to ask him to be your boyfriend. All you have to do is say ‘Sam, do you want to be my boyfriend?’ And it should do.”

“That doesn’t sound romantic at all,” Kurt said.

“You’ll find a way,” Blaine said with one of his little friendly winks.

That sounded like the limit of Blaine’s advice, which was a good thing because if there was one person who’s advice about romantic gestures Kurt didn’t need was Blaine.

Kurt took his book and a notebook out of his bag and got ready to start studying, but History was definitely not as interesting as all the other things going on in his head. He started tapping his pencil against his notebook open on a blank page and ended up quickly giving up. It was not a fight he’d win anyway.

“Hey, Rachel is throwing a party this weekend,” Kurt said, “I’m not invited but I got a way to sneak us in.”

Blaine looked up at him and dropped his pencil, “How? And did you say us ?”

“Let’s say I sneaked into Finn’s room to use his laptop and took a quick look at his browser history. And yes, I said us because I don’t think I can survive a Rachel Berry party on my own. It’s going to be either epic or disastrous."

Blaine nodded slowly, slightly squinting, “What was in his browser history?”

“Trust me, you’re better off not knowing. Are you in?”

“Sure,” Blaine said and gave him a smile before going back to his English homework.

Week went by slowly for Kurt. He was eager and excited to see Sam at Rachel’s party, since they’d only texted over the past few days and it was driving him insane. He knew it was probably a terrible idea to see Sam for the first time after their date at Rachel’s party considering the amount of things that could go wrong when putting the entirety of the New Directions and alcohol in the same place, but he decided he wasn’t going to drink and therefore would come out of it relatively unharmed.

Things started boring but smooth, Sam still hadn’t arrived so Kurt dragged Blaine into a corner while Puck tried to convince Rachel to drink her dads’ alcohol. Kurt took the opportunity to tell Blaine a little more about his friends, mostly who was who and who dated who, which was more relevant than Blaine wanted to believe. He was so invested in explaining things that he didn’t notice Sam’s arrival until he approached them with a smile.

“Hi, guys. Getting bored?”

It was a relief to see he was no longer jealous or whatever he felt last time he saw Blaine. That was an important amount of unnecessary drama to be avoided. Blaine shook Sam’s hand and nodded in Rachel and Puck’s direction, “Seems like it’s about to get interesting.”

Sam chuckled as Blaine walked away, and they waited for him to be far enough to finally lay eyes on each other and share a smile.

“If I knew you were coming I would’ve dressed nicer,” Sam said.

“Not necessary,” Kurt replied, feeling a little nervous, “You look handsome no matter what you’re wearing.”

Sam blushed and looked down to his shoes to hide it, then pressed his lips together, “Well, I’m– I’m really happy you’re here. Did you come to get wasted or…?”

That was the exact moment Puck loudly whistled to get everyone’s attention and they turned around to see him holding one bottle of liquor in each hand. Oh god .

“Oh, I’m not drinking,” Kurt said, “I’m here to see you, actually.”

“Okay, then, I’m not drinking either,” Sam replied, and Kurt frowned, “I can’t drink if you’re not going to! What if I embarrass myself? You would remember if you’re sober and I can’t risk that.”

Kurt raised his eyebrows as he crossed his arms, trying to ignore the music’s volume going up and cheering as drinks were poured. It was kind of terrifying to think about how this could end, because it was not just a party. It was a Rachel Berry party and she pretty much had no idea what she was doing so she was letting herself be influenced by people who were not at all trustworthy. 

“So you’re willing to subject yourself to… this sober just for me?” He asked Sam.

Sam stayed quiet for a moment, then said, “This is gonna be a disaster, isn’t it?”

“Oh, yes. There’s no doubt about that.”

They both started laughing and Sam grabbed Kurt’s hand to lead him to what could be considered the dance floor. Sam’s touch felt like electricity. He turned around to smile at Kurt and he wondered if he felt it too. A moment later they were dancing next to Tina and Mike, who were both already tipsy and laughing as they jumped around. It was definitely fun to watch everyone lose their inhibitions, and it was better to have Sam besides him to laugh at them together.

The only person who seemed unhappy was Finn, who was not drinking as the self-designated driver even though Kurt volunteered because he was not going to drink anyway. He’d been feeling down for a while, and Kurt suspected he was having problems with Rachel but he refused to tell his own brother. Anyway, Kurt had enough things to worry about to worry too much about his brother’s relationship issues. And Rachel seemed to be having the time of her life.

Everything spiraled quickly and it didn't take much time for Kurt to completely regret bringing Blaine to this thing. He was way too drunk, clinging onto Finn for some reason and talking about god knows what while Finn tried to move away and looked at him like he was insane. At last Blaine patted Finn’s chest before walking away but tripped with his own feet and Finn had to catch him before he hit the floor. Kurt couldn't help but watch with a combination of embarrassment and amusement, and when Finn caught him looking he rolled his eyes and gave Blaine a look to silently tell Kurt that he should be taking care of the guy he brought there.

However, Blaine could still stand on his feet and patted Finn’s chest again before walking away.

Sam grabbed Kurt’s hand again and made him twirl right before Rachel announced they would be playing spin the bottle.

Oh boy .

Since everyone was too drunk to notice, Kurt and Sam didn't join the circle, at least not fully, in hopes they would not be chosen to kiss anyone. Kurt wouldn’t really have a problem if it wasn’t that he was kind of terrified of having to kiss one of the girls and even more terrified of having to kiss one of the boys, which made no sense but at the same time it did. The only boy in this place besides Sam he would probably kiss was Mike, but everyone else was out of the question, including Blaine. As for Sam, it was nice to know that he wasn’t interested in kissing anyone.

Being a spectator of the game was fun enough. At least until Blaine started making out with Rachel.

Sam started laughing and Kurt elbowed him, because it was a quite disturbing image and Sam didn’t know Blaine enough to understand why, and because Rachel was his brother’s girlfriend so it was really fucked up. Finn did not look happy at all, sitting at the sidelines hugging his knees, which gave Kurt the idea that this whole spin the bottle thing was to mess with him.

It all ended when Rachel announced they were singing a duet and suddenly they were jumping on the tiny stage in Rachel’s basement singing Don’t You Want Me. Sam made Kurt get up and dragged him around until Kurt agreed to dance with him, then they were once again having as much fun as one could have around a bunch of excessively drunk teenagers that probably didn’t even remember their names.

After the duet was over, Rachel dropped herself on the stage and brought Blaine down with her just to kiss him again and, oh god, at some point it started to look almost like they needed to get a room.

That was the moment Kurt decided he needed a break.

Sam had walked away a moment ago to help Quinn calm down, because she was way too drunk and really mad at something and kept pointing at an empty armchair. It looked like he was going to have his hands full for a while, so Kurt walked upstairs alone for some air.

He went out the back door and stood in the backyard under the night sky. It was somehow very satisfying to be there and know he was one of three people with the ability to think rationally. It felt like for once he was in control of his life, not being pushed around by the things that happened around him. Actually, that’s how he felt every time he was around Sam. He was the only thing that wasn’t taken from him, and the one thing he chose to keep from what now looked like a past life.

“Hi,” Sam said.

Kurt turned around and there was Sam, a little tense from the cold air, standing a couple feet behind him.

“Hey. I just needed some air.”

“I can imagine,” They both laughed as Sam walked closer until they were standing side by side, and he gently touched Kurt’s arm with his elbow, “Blaine stopped making out with Rachel, by the way. His target now is Finn. Maybe they’ll end up being a throuple and Blaine will be your brother-in-law.”

Kurt snorted and Sam looked at him like he was proud of himself, like making him laugh was his mission for the night, which made Kurt want to kiss him, though he didn’t know how to make the move, “There are a bunch of reasons why that wouldn’t work, starting with the fact that Blaine is gay and Finn is the straightest guy I know."

“Nah,” Sam said, “Finn gives off some vibes. I bet he would kiss me if I asked.”

Kurt playfully rolled his eyes, “Sam, I’d be thankful if you didn’t try to kiss my brother.”

“Didn’t say I was going to,” Sam replied, “There’s only one Hudmel I’m interested in. The pretty one with the blue eyes, I don’t know if you’ve met him.”

Kurt pretended to be thinking about it while hoping his blush wasn’t too noticeable.

“Hmm. I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure, no.”

“Too bad. He’s the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen. He’s also a good kisser, he’s funny and really talented. And I really, really like him.”

“He sounds amazing,” Kurt said.

“Yeah, he’s pretty awesome,” Sam replied, then he pressed his lips together as his eyes moved to Kurt’s lips, “I’ve been dying to kiss him again all week.”

Kurt looked back at Sam’s lips. He was possibly the most kissable boy to ever exist and he was lucky enough to be the guy he wanted to kiss, “I bet he feels the same way.”

He barely managed to finish speaking before Sam was pressing their lips together, cupping his face with both hands. Kurt’s hands tugged on Sam’s shirt as he returned the kiss, and he could feel how much Sam missed him too by the desperation and clumsiness with which his lips moved, and the shy and insecure brushing of his tongue against Kurt’s lower lip. It was magical, under a velvet dark blanket full of stars bathed in cold air that hit way too strong on his warm, flushed cheeks. Just like on that Valentine’s day evening, he didn’t want it to end.

“Hey, Kurt–” Finn’s voice cut through the air.

They quickly broke the kiss and turned to look at Finn. He was kind of frozen, mouth hanging slightly open as he blinked like he couldn’t believe his eyes. Kurt licked his lips before speaking, “Is everything okay?” He asked, trying to sound casual.

Finn closed his mouth and looked around, confused. His eyes fixated on Sam for a second. That’s when Kurt realized Sam’s hands were still on his face, and he didn’t seem to have intentions to let go.

“Um. It’s Blaine, he made a mess down there. He threw up on the floor and passed out. Thought we should get him out of here,” Finn said, pointing back at the house, “I guess we should clean it before leaving but–”

“I can clean it,” Sam cut him off, finally letting go of Kurt’s face. He looked at Kurt, then back at Finn, “I have younger siblings, I’ve had to clean puke a bunch of times.”

Sam smiled at Kurt one last time and left a peck on his cheek before walking towards the house, leaving him and Finn alone.

“So, should I help you get Blaine out of the house?” Kurt asked.

It took Finn a moment before he shook his head.

“Nah, I can handle him. You go start the car.”

He stood there awkwardly for a moment before heading to the house, and Kurt dreaded that they were going to have to talk about this at some point. He called Finn’s name right as he was opening the door and Finn turned around slowly like he really didn’t want to.

“Do you think we could take Sam home too if he wants?”

Finn nodded, “Yeah, sure. I’ll ask him.”

And Kurt was left alone in the backyard. He sighed and went inside to get his jacket before heading to the car. He didn’t really mind Finn seeing him kiss Sam, or any boy for that matter, but he knew Finn was going to be affected because he wasn’t used to it. And the Sam part of the equation wasn’t helping. Oh, god. He was surely going to run to tell Rachel, wasn’t he?

Blaine was awake when Finn and Sam dragged him to the car. They put him in the back seat with Sam while Kurt sat on the passenger seat and Finn drove at his own insistence. It was as awkward as one might expect, the only noise being Blaine babbling nonsense, so Kurt turned on the radio to make it less painful. It was a true tragedy that Katy Perry started playing and Blaine started mumbling the words in a pathetic attempt to sing along. Kurt and Finn agreed to take him to their house for convenience, and their house also happened to be closer than Sam’s, so they were going to have to stop there and then Kurt would drive Sam the rest of the way.

When they arrived, Sam helped Finn get Blaine out of the car and stood outside the house as Finn carried Blaine in his arms and Kurt followed him inside.

Finn refused to look at him, and he clearly didn’t want to talk either, but it’s not like he had a choice.

“So where are we putting him?”

“In my room. I don’t want my dad to freak out when he gets up and finds some random guy sleeping on the couch,” Kurt replied.

Finn chuckled, “Right, because he’s not gonna freak out when he finds a guy in your bed.”

“Just take him upstairs,” Kurt sighed.

He followed Finn upstairs into his room and moved the covers so he could leave Blaine in there, then Kurt covered him gently to not wake him up again and they both silently left the room. They were going back downstairs, Kurt first and Finn behind him, and Kurt could feel his brother’s eyes burning in the back of his head. He stopped walking and turned around to face him.

“Finn, stop being weird.”

Finn looked back at him with wide eyes and shrugged, “I just wasn’t expecting that. I mean, I knew you guys liked each other or whatever but since when are you kissing?”

Kurt crossed his arms, “That’s none of your business.”

“I think it kinda is,” Finn said with a frown, “You’re my brother, man. I have to make sure you’re okay, and Sam’s cool but I don’t want you to get hurt or anything. And what I saw wasn’t just a kiss, you guys were, like, making out.”

Kurt had to admit that Finn caring that much about him was nice, but he was still kind of annoyed because he could be a caring brother without acting so weird. He pressed his lips together, but he didn’t smile.

“Thank you for your concern, Finn,” He said, “But I’m going to be okay.”

He kept walking without paying any more attention to Finn and went back outside, where Sam was waiting for him at the sidewalk next to the car, hands in pockets as he paced around. He stopped as soon as he saw Kurt approaching. He looked worried.

“How’s Finn doing?” He asked.

“He’s worried you’re going to hurt me,” Kurt rolled his eyes, “I think he’s taking the whole taking care of me thing too seriously. I hope he leaves it there now and doesn’t run to tell Rachel or something.”

Sam nods, “Yeah, the whole school would find out if he tells her. She would definitely make a big deal out of it now that you’re our competition.”

“Exactly,” Kurt said, “Especially since she must still be bitter about Jesse St. James. Do you know about Jesse?”

“Quinn told me something. It’s stupid though. You’re our friend, you wouldn’t do that.”

“Trust me, Rachel doesn’t care about that,” Kurt replied as he walked around the car to get in the driver’s seat, “I really hope he stays quiet.”

Sam got into the passenger seat and Kurt tried to ignore his eyes on him while he put the key in the ignition.

“You’re too worried,” Sam pointed out.

Kurt sighed, “You really don’t understand, do you?” He turned to look at Sam, who had an innocent and oblivious look in his eye, “They would be outing you to the entire school. And you saw what happened to me. I know you can take care of yourself but… You shouldn’t have to.”

Sam put a hand to Kurt’s knee and a warm smile appeared on his lips, “I’m gonna be okay. And don’t think for a second that this is your fault.”

Was he being that obvious or did Sam read his mind?

Of course it was his fault. Everything was his fault. When is it not?

But instead of saying anything, he nodded and turned on the car, then they silently drove away.

Kurt really didn’t want to talk and he was thankful that Sam respected that, especially considering how talkative he usually was. It was a short drive to his house, and when they arrived, Sam didn’t move for a second like he was pondering his options. Kurt could almost hear him thinking about whether he should kiss him or not, and Kurt really wanted him to, but in the end Sam just smiled at him and said,

“Goodnight, Kurt. Thanks for the ride.”

And just like that, he got out of the car.

Kurt’s stomach dropped in disappointment, and he thought about his conversation with Blaine earlier that week. It came to mind that it seemed like, since the beginning, Sam was the one carrying their relationship. He was the one who invited him over to his house, the one who confessed, the one who flirted, and Kurt had barely contributed with their first kiss just to ignore him for days afterwards. Maybe he was so used to burying his feelings that he didn’t know how to show them.

Sam was about to open the gate to his house when Kurt jumped out of the car and called his name as he ran to the sidewalk.

“Sam!” He shouted again.

Sam stopped walking and turned around, a little confused. Kurt ran to him before he could react and stood in front of him, catching his breath.

“Are you okay?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, I just– I wanted to ask you something,” Kurt replied. He paused for a second, then added, “I know this might be too soon and you’ll probably freak out but…”

He stopped talking to take a better look at Sam, who still looked confused. This is a bad idea. A terrible idea. You will mess up everything. You will lose the only person who’s keeping you sane and you will regret it forever.

“You look like you’re gonna throw up,” Sam pointed out.

“Do you want to…Um, do you want to be my boyfriend?”

There was a moment of painful silence. Sam’s mouth fell open for a second, but it didn’t sound like he had a single doubt when he said, “I’d love to.”

He was the one to lean in and kiss Kurt, and Kurt gave in even though he had a lot to process at the moment. He was surprised and amazed at his own bravery, and even more at the fact that Sam said yes. He said yes. And now, in a shocking turn of events, he had a boyfriend.

What a night.

Chapter Text

Kurt should’ve expected to find Rachel Berry pacing around his bedroom when he came back from driving Blaine to Dalton.

She looked like hell after the party, resembling a ragdoll barely put together with pins and patches. Kurt could smell the alcohol on her from the other side of the room. She had a hard expression on her face, lips pressed together in a straight line, head slightly tilted in his direction like she was about to jump over Kurt’s bed to scratch him like a wild cat.

He wished Finn gave him a warning when he saw him in the living room. 

Rachel furiously walked up to Kurt pointing at him with a finger before he had the chance to say hi. Not that he was interested in saying hi, since it was obvious that she was not here for friendly reasons.

“You have to stop,” She demanded.

“Stop what?”

She breathed hard through her nose, “Your…Thing with Sam. It’s not funny anymore.”

Funny?

Funny.

Kurt crossed his arms, squinting at her, “What is this thing that is not funny?”

He made sure his voice sounded as sharp as it felt in his throat, and he could see Rachel swallowing hard, like she just realized her words were not the right ones. Her cheeks turned pink but she kept her defiant stand as she avoided answering the question with her own words. All she said was:

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“No, I don’t,” Kurt said, “Say it.”

Rachel breathed out a humorless chuckle and shook her head.

“Finn saw you together last night,” She said, “That’s not how it’s supposed to go. It was cute and funny at first but now it’s– It’s too much, and you’re hurting all of us.”

Kurt took a deep breath. He was starting to feel exasperated while simultaneously being unsure of what they were talking about anymore. Her words were confusing and it’s not like asking Rachel to explain herself was simple considering he didn’t want her to talk anymore. But… What?

“I don’t get it. I really don’t get anything you’re saying,” He says, “Yeah, Finn saw us kissing but what do you mean that’s not how it’s supposed to go ? And what the hell do you mean we’re hurting all of you?”

Rachel didn’t answer immediately. She shook her head as he walked away towards the window, then she turned around and shrugged, “I mean, we knew you guys liked each other. Or that you liked Sam and he was…”

Oh. He could see where this was going, “He was what?”

She shrugged again, “Confused. We thought Sam was confused, and that he’d get over it. I still think he is and you’re not letting him clear his head, which is why you have to stay away from him. Unless you want all of us unfocused so your new team wins regionals and you can prove yourself worthy of them, since they clearly don’t value you very much.”

Kurt stared at her. He couldn’t do much more while he processed her words, the fact that they all saw Sam having a crush on him as nothing but an amusing joke to keep themselves entertained. And when a joke stops making people laugh it completely loses its purpose, so you have to stop telling it.

It was the same duet thing all over again, except this time Finn seemed to be the only one who could actually see things for what they were, since Kurt highly doubted Finn told her with any bad intentions. He just told her because she was his girlfriend, and because maybe it was the perfect thing to talk about to avoid the subject of Rachel making out with Blaine all night, something she probably didn’t even remember.

“Sam is not confused, Rachel,” Kurt said as calm as he managed to sound, “He likes me, and I like him. You know how things are… So why do you want to ruin this for me?” His voice broke at the end. He hated it.

Something softened in Rachel’s eyes, and for a second he thought she’d take it back.

Only for a second.

“Look, you should give Blaine a chance. You’d make a cute couple.”

“Blaine is my friend,” Kurt said slowly, “I don’t like him that way, and he doesn’t like me either.”

Rachel sighed, “Just stay away from Sam.”

She made her way to the door walking past Kurt like he was a stranger she passed by on the street.

It would’ve been less upsetting if it wasn’t for the wording. If it wasn’t that she seemed more concerned for Sam than for him, if it wasn’t that all of this was a game for her and she was trying her best to cheat and avoid a bad move. Because it didn’t matter to her that Kurt was lonely and that Sam had been the best thing to happen to him all year. She didn’t care.

Nobody cared.

“I asked him to be my boyfriend last night,” He said, “He said yes.”

Rachel stopped turning the door handle and turned to him.

“Stop it.”

“He’s my boyfriend now. You won’t make me break up with my boyfriend.”

She visibly held her breath before opening the door and stepping out of the room without closing it.

Her steps slowly vanished as she walked downstairs.

Kurt should’ve felt like he won that argument. He didn’t, though, because just because she couldn’t make him break up with Sam, it didn’t mean she couldn’t make Sam break up with him. She had done worse after all.

“It’s really none of your business,” Sam told Rachel a minute after she ambushed him next to his locker and started talking about how she knew about Kurt and she didn’t approve of it. She kept repeating some bullshit about the team being a priority, but he wasn’t really listening because, you know, it was bullshit.

Rachel sighed, “Except it is. Look, Sam. You might not take this seriously but you have to understand, sometimes we have to make sacrifices for the team.”

“Then I’m out of the team,” Sam replied simply as he closed his locker and walked away from her.

She didn’t follow him. Instead, she shouted, “What?!”

Sam turned around and looked at her, fists clenched on her sides and her leaning like she was about to sprint in his direction and kick him in the gut. It wouldn’t have surprised him if it wasn’t for the shocked, almost heartbroken expression in her face.

“I have a life, Rachel. You’re no one to tell me to break up with my boyfriend,” He said, “So if being on the team means I can’t be with the guy I like, then I’m out.”

He kept walking and Rachel kept talking behind him, but he didn’t look back. Saying that to Rachel of all people was weirdly freeing. He hadn’t talked that much to her and didn’t consider her a friend at all, but that’s actually because she spoke too fast and had crazy eyes and he was glad to not have to deal with her anymore. He smiled to himself as he entered the classroom for his next class.

It wasn’t until the bell rang that he realized he left his jacket in the choir room. He didn’t have any intentions to step foot in that room again, especially not if it meant running into Rachel, but it was cold outside and there was no way he was walking all the way to the bus stop in a hoodie. He had to pick up his siblings, so he had to rush in the opposite direction of the mass of teenagers walking towards the front door, and he was about to enter the choir room when he heard the same obnoxious voice that ambushed him earlier.

“I know he’s your family now, but we can’t let this happen. The more time they spend together the more attached both of them will become and you saw what happened with me and Jesse!”

“Kurt is not Jesse,” Finn said slowly, “And Sam is not you.”

Rachel loudly sighed, “The point is Sam is getting distracted with the competition.”

“Why do you keep talking like Kurt isn’t your friend?” Finn said, clearly annoyed, his voice slightly louder, “And what’s the point of worrying so much about it if Sam is out of the team because of you. That’s your fault, Rachel, not Kurt’s.”

Sam was startled by the sound of Rachel’s shoes tapping against the tiled floor as she stormed out of the choir room out of the other door. He watched her walk away and waited for Finn to leave the room to go get his jacket.

As he walked towards the exit he made a decision. Kurt would be worried sick and probably get mad at him for putting himself at risk, but Rachel was actively trying to ruin their relationship, so it would be worth it. His hands began to sweat at the idea no matter how brave he claimed to be in the past, but he would do anything if it meant not losing the best thing that has happened to him this year.

Quinn didn’t stop filing her nails when Sam told her later. In fact, a grin appeared on her face as she looked at her now perfect nails and blew on them, “She needs you on the team, you know. She’ll come around, so you don’t need to do that,” She said with a knowing look, “But you want to.”

Sam shrugged, “What if I do?”

“It’s okay, but you need to know what you’re getting yourself into,” She said, “Kurt is right, you’d be putting a target on your back and Karofsky would be especially mad, because I’m about ninety nine percent sure he has a thing for Kurt.”

“He’s a homophobe,” Sam frowns.

“Yes. He’s also gay.”

She sounded so certain he didn’t dare to argue. It wasn’t important, though. What mattered was the other thing, what Quinn was talking about and what Kurt talked about the other night.

“I’m not scared, Q,” He said, “I don’t wanna hide forever, and Kurt doesn’t deserve a boyfriend who’s hiding.”

“You’re not hiding, Sam.”

Her voice was calmer than usual, but Sam noticed her lower lip slightly trembling. She fixed her skirt, trying to look composed, but Sam noticed how nervous she was under that very well rehearsed facade. She hadn’t given too many details, but she had been spending a lot more time with Mercedes than with him lately, with the excuse that she didn’t want to inconvenience him since he already had so much on his plate. It smelt like bullshit.

Quinn wasn’t hiding. She was simply ensuring her own comfort and safety, an intelligent decision coming from an intelligent girl.

Sam wasn’t as intelligent. Which is why he was about to be willingly stupid.

He borrowed Quinn’s laptop to open JBI’s website and went straight to the submissions page, where he typed a simple message.

From: Sam Evans.

I have an exclusive. Meet me at lunch tomorrow.

He had never been as nervous as he was that night.

And tomorrow came sooner than expected, so did his first few classes of the day, and so did the moment he walked towards the bleachers holding Quinn’s hand for moral support. There was the frizzy haired boy waiting for them with his camera and microphone, and Sam felt the urge to run away until Quinn squeezed his hand and smiled at him, silently saying I’m here.

Here we go.

Chatter filled the common room at Dalton, way too enthusiastic for Kurt’s liking considering the fact that they lost a competition a couple hours ago. Of course, this was a brotherhood and there was a type of camaraderie that went beyond competitions.

He didn’t feel like he was part of it, no matter how much Blaine tried to make him fit into the group.

Which is why he was the first one to get up when the doorbell rang, announcing the five pizzas they ordered about half an hour ago. No one objected when he offered to go get them, so he silently exited the room and walked across the dark, empty hall that sort of resembled the way he felt inside lately. It was a nice place, but he didn’t know how long he could tolerate staying here.

He took a deep breath before opening the door, and almost screamed when he saw Sam standing in front of him, because it felt like seeing a ghost. He would’ve thought so if he wasn’t wearing a hoodie with the pizzeria’s logo embroidered on the chest, or if he didn’t have a mountain of pizzas in his hands while his bike rested a few feet away.

“You guys ordered five pizzas?” Sam said with a monotone voice.

“Sam?” Kurt asked. He understood that he might need a job, but there was something else that worried him, “It’s 10 p.m., what are you doing delivering pizzas so late? Something could happen to you. It’s a rich neighborhood but it doesn’t mean it’s safe for a–”

“Kurt, stop,” Sam interrupted in a whisper, “I have no choice, okay? Now take the pizzas, please. I have to go back and pick up a few more orders.”

Kurt watched him for a moment, looking down to his feet as he offered him the boxes that Kurt carefully took from his hands. He gave him the money, which Sam silently counted, avoiding his boyfriend’s gaze at all costs.

“Aren’t you going to say anything about this?” Kurt softly asked, “What do you mean you have no choice?”

Sam sighed, finally daring to look up to Kurt’s face. Even under the moonlight it was obvious that he was blushing, but for the wrong reasons.

“Meet me at the Lima Bean tomorrow,” He replies, “I’ll tell you everything then.”

Kurt watched Sam pick up his bike, looking back for a moment before hopping on it and pedaling away. He stood by the open door for a while, numb to both his own perplexity and the cold air hitting his face. He wasn’t sure of how long he’d been there when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder that slightly startled him, until he heard Blaine’s calming voice.

“Are you okay?” He asked, followed by a joke, “We thought you kept all the pizzas to yourself.”

Kurt couldn’t find a laugh inside of him, but he managed to force a smile as he handed the pizzas to Blaine, who seemed a little confused about his behavior but stayed quiet about it. Kurt softly closed the door and walked away, not towards the common room but up to the dorms where he’d stay in Blaine’s room for the night. He felt Blaine’s eyes on him, but he really couldn’t speak or even turn around to look at him.

He didn’t care about Sam having a job. He cared a lot about his family after all so it was normal for him to support them like this, but there was something in Sam’s unusually sad, opaque eyes and clear embarrassment that made Kurt feel in his bones that something was wrong. 

So he stayed up all night thinking about it. He was grateful that the Warblers fell asleep in the common room so he didn’t have to deal with Blaine’s questions and he could lie on his bed instead of the couch under the window, but he still felt deeply uncomfortable until morning came, he went home then left again without having breakfast so he could rush towards the Lima Bean, where he found Sam sitting at a table, no coffee in front of him, just him blankly staring at the surface.

Kurt got himself a coffee and bought one for Sam along with some bagels, then he walked up to the table and gently placed the food on it before sitting across from his boyfriend. Sam had his arms crossed over the table and stared at the cup of coffee Kurt got for him like it was some strange object he’d never seen before.

“You didn’t have to,” He said with a tired voice.

Kurt allowed himself a gentle smile, “I know, you just seem cold. And can’t a guy buy something for his boyfriend?”

That got a chuckle out of Sam, and his face lit up as he locked eyes with Kurt. He reached for Kurt’s hand, brushing his thumb over it, “I’m not sure of how to tell you this.”

Kurt narrowed his eyes in Sam’s direction. He knew that Sam announced to the entire school that he was dating him through JBI’s website, but Sam refused to talk about it, so he figured he might be having trouble at school. That would make Kurt feel endlessly guilty, but not now, because that wouldn’t explain Sam having to deliver pizzas in the middle of the night. He turned his hand around and squeezed Sam’s hand.

“Just say it,” He said, “I’ll understand.”

“I know you will,” Sam replied, “It’s just– It’s so hard to spit it out, you know?” He sighed and swallowed hard as he used his free hand to play with his cup of coffee, “We’re having money problems. Like, serious problems. We lost the house and we’re staying in a motel. One room for all of us.”

Oh.

Kurt didn’t know what he expected, but this was definitely worse than he could’ve ever thought. And he didn’t know what to say, how to comfort him, because he didn’t have a way to help him. It made him feel powerless and even guilty. He should’ve been able to help him. If he couldn’t… What was the point of anything?

“I’m sorry,” Was all he could say, “I’m so sorry, if I could–”

“Don’t worry about it,” Sam interrupted, “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. I don’t want you to feel like you have to help me or anything.”

“But I should,” Kurt whispered.

Sam pressed his lips together in an uncomfortable expression before saying, “I don’t need you to do anything, okay? I just need you to be with me.”

There was a tenderness in Sam’s voice that Kurt had never heard in anyone, and for a moment it was all okay. Really okay. So he let a smile make its way into his lips.

“I can do that.”

Sam returned the smile, “Do you wanna, I don’t know, go for a walk or something?”

They took their coffees and food to eat as they walked, and Kurt’s hand itched with the need to hold Sam’s, both as support and as his boyfriend. It had been a little over two weeks and the word still felt unfamiliar, no matter how many times they’ve hung out and hugged and kissed. Kissing also felt unfamiliar. In a nice way, like everytime he did it he was discovering it all over again. A first kiss that repeated itself over, over, and over again. With Sam. His lips felt so nice against his.

They crossed the street towards a park hidden behind the lines of parked cars in front of the coffee shop. It wasn’t really pretty and they hadn’t mowed the grass in a while, but at least they could be alone and allow themselves to hold hands as they drank their coffees. Neither of them said much until they finished and threw their empty cups into a bin nearby, that’s when Sam pulled Kurt into a hug and kissed his temple.

“I’m so glad I have you,” He whispered.

Kurt was a little disconcerted by the sudden display of affection, which didn’t mean he didn’t like it. He loved it, in fact, he was simply not used to it. A couple months ago he would’ve never imagined he’d be surrounded by the arms of the most gorgeous boy he’d ever met, and that it’d feel warm and soft and endless, like they were destined to stay in that position for the rest of their lives. He moved his head up, meeting Sam’s eyes looking down at him.

Their lips simply met. It didn’t feel like there was any movement at all. It simply happened.

And Kurt felt the sudden need to tell him that he loved him.

He didn’t.

The news spread like fire as they always did at McKinley.

Sam had been lucky enough to not be messed with a lot after everyone found out about him liking boys; just mean looks, whispers, and one or two slurs being shouted at him that he didn’t mind that much. Well, there was that one note he found in his locker calling him so many nasty words, some he had never heard before and he had to ask Quinn for their meaning.

Of course, they didn’t mean anything nice. It was hateful. But the bullies left him alone. No Karofsky, no Azimio, nor any of their friends threatening him at all. They simply ignored him, which was weird but welcome.

Things got weirder after that, when all of the sudden Karofsky and Santana started dating, and rumours started going around that Kurt was coming back which didn’t seem to be related at all, at least until, about a day later, Mercedes texted the entire club to meet her outside without any explanation. Sam looked for Quinn so they could go together but he couldn’t find her because she was already there, her arms around Mercedes’ arm and her head around her shoulder, both with big smiles on their faces as the team gathered at the stairs.

Once they were all reunited, Mercedes looked around at all her friends and said, “Well, my fellow Glee clubbers. It’s noon, which means it’s time.”

There was a playful glimmer in her eyes that only Quinn matched, like they shared a fun secret as the rest of the team shared confused looks.

“What’s official?” Sam asked.

A familiar voice comes from the top of the stairs, and they all look up right as Kurt says:

“My transfer! Kurt Hummel is back at McKinley!”

Chapter Text

It took Kurt a while to gather the courage to finally knock on the door of the motel room the Evans family was staying in, not because he was scared of how he’d be received, but because a part of him didn’t want to see how bad the situation really was. However, he could get a pretty good idea just by looking at the exterior of this place, since he was certain that if Sam’s parents had more money, they wouldn’t have their kids living in such a place.

Sam opened almost immediately, and his eyes went directly to the box in Kurt’s arms.

“What’s that?” He asked.

“I’ll tell you when you let me in,” Kurt replied.

Sam nervously chuckled as he moved aside to give Kurt space to enter the room.

It was worse than Kurt expected. Not the room itself, which was in a decent state, but the fact that a family of five was sleeping in one queen bed; not to mention that there was barely any space to move between the bed and the piled up boxes against the walls and basic everyday necessities. He tried not to let it show in his face, but Sam looked ashamed enough to reveal Kurt failed miserably.

“Brought you some clothes,” Kurt said to avoid commenting on anything else, “I know they’ll probably be too small for you, but maybe you could keep a few things.”

Sam shook his head, “You didn’t have to.”

“I don’t use them anymore,” Kurt said, trying to downplay it so Sam didn’t take it as some big sacrifice, “Everything’s out of season, so they were rotting in my closet anyway.”

Kurt placed the box on the bed, and Sam hesitantly looked at it like he was scared of what could be inside. He ended up giving Kurt a brief look before opening it and took all the clothes out of it so he could take a better look at them. Kurt made sure to pick the least flamboyant stuff, and, though most of it wasn’t precisely Sam’s style, they were clothes he wouldn’t be embarrassed to wear.

Sam picked up two jackets, one at a time, “These are nice. I mean, they’re a little small on the shoulders but I could wear them.”

“You like them?” Kurt asked as a smile spread on his face.

“Hmm,” Sam said, then paused to look at the rest of the items. He picked up a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt, “You sure this is yours?”

“Yeah, I wore them last year when I tried to be straight for an entire week,” Kurt said like it was the most normal thing in the world, but Sam looked deeply disturbed, “Don’t worry about it.”

Sam slowly nodded as he folded those and placed them over the pillows, then took a look at a hoodie.

“These are good,” He said, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Kurt smiled.

Sam got into the passenger seat of Quinn’s car after football practice. He’d been thinking all day about how things were and how they were going to be, and it wasn’t easy to ignore what it would mean for him and Kurt while he was wearing one of his jackets, which still smelled like him. He silently waited for Quinn to drive out of McKinley’s parking lot, tapping his fingers against his own thighs.

“Sam, can you stop that?” Quinn asked after a few blocks, “You’re making me nervous.”

“Sorry,” Sam stopped, but immediately started fidgeting with one of the jacket’s buttons, “I don’t know how to tell him. He’s, like, the best thing in my life right now and it sucks that I’ll have to be like ‘Hey, so my parents can’t find jobs and we’ll have to leave after school ends, so I guess we’ll have to break up’ especially because maybe it won’t happen like that, right? Maybe they’ll find jobs and we’ll stay but Kurt’s not gonna want me anymore.”

“Look, I think the more you delay it the worse it will be,” Quinn replied, “He’ll be hurt if he finds out you’ve been lying to him for so long and it’s better if he’s prepared for it. Let him decide how you’ll spend the time you have left together.”

Sam nodded, “You’re pretty good at giving advice for someone whose life is a mess.”

“Shut up.”

“Have you been hanging out with Mercedes a lot?” Sam asked, mostly to stop himself from thinking about anything else, “You don’t tell me anything these days.”

“Yeah,” Quinn said with a distracted tone as she took a turn, “Actually, I’m going to her place after I drop you off. I think things are going well, though it’s hard to read people, maybe it’s all in my head.”

“Aren’t you always advising me about communication?” Sam pointed out.

Quinn rolled her eyes, “Watch it or I’m going to push you out of my car.”

Quinn came into the motel room so she could say hi to Sam’s siblings and stayed for a few minutes so Stacey could show her the drawings she made at school. After she got a text from Mercedes, Sam walked her out of the room and they shared a hug before she walked back to her car.

Sam’s phone rang less than five minutes after she left. It was Finn.

“Dude, are you cheating on Kurt?” He asked with both an angry and disappointed tone, “He’s my brother now and I’ll do anything to protect him, stop or back off before things get ugly.”

“What are you talking about?” Sam slowly asked back, “I’m not cheating on him, why would I do that?”

Finn huffed on the other side of the line, “Me and Rachel just saw Quinn walk out of a motel room with you.”

He was about to tell him that it was not what it looked like when he realized the implications of that statement.

“What the hell…Are you spying on me!?”

“No! I mean yeah, but that’s not the point,” Finn replied, “The point is you’re cheating on my brother!”

“I’m not cheating on him!” Sam said, and he felt like he was about to start hyperventilating at the thought of that spreading and everyone thinking he’d be capable of doing something like that to his boyfriend who’s also the most wonderful boy he’s ever met and– “I can explain, okay? I’ll tell you tomorrow, just don’t go around telling people that I’m cheating on Kurt because I’m not!”

The next day, Sam went to school fully prepared to talk to Finn and Rachel, but he surely didn’t expect to find all of the New Directions—including Kurt—waiting for him in the choir room during lunch. He glared at Finn as he stood by the piano and put his hands in his pockets.

“You know what? I’ll go straight to the point,” Sam said, “No, I’m not cheating on Kurt. There’s nothing going on with Quinn. My family is living in a motel room because we have money problems, alright? Quinn helps me take care of my siblings sometimes and Kurt knows it. So you can stop spreading rumors and talking shit about us behind our backs because it’s none of your business anyway.”

Finn slowly stood up from his chair, “Dude, are you serious?”

“Why would I lie?” Sam said, “All of you should learn how to stay out of people’s business and support your friends instead of making shit up because of some out of context thing you saw or heard or whatever.”

He didn’t give anyone enough time to react before walking out of the choir room, with an intense urge to cry and be alone and begging for all of this to stop. His parents were good people. He, Stevie and Stacey were always good, well-behaved kids. They went to church. They were kind. But none of it mattered because their lives were falling apart and Sam was about to lose everything he cared about. For once in his life, when he came to McKinley, he thought he’d found his place in the world, and now it was about to be ripped off his hands just like everything else.

He ended up under the bleachers. It smelled weird and there were a lot of suspicious looking objects scattered around, but at least he’d be left alone.

Or so he thought until he saw a silhouette join him through his peripheral vision. He didn’t turn around hoping the person would get a hint that he wanted to be alone, but he couldn’t stop himself when he heard the familiar voice.

“Hey,” Kurt said, “Are you okay?”

“No,” Sam replied, and it made him feel lighter, somehow, because he was tired of lying about it.

“Do you need to talk?” Kurt asked, “Or…I don’t know, maybe we could go somewhere. I have French class and I know more than the teacher so it wouldn’t hurt to skip one class.”

Sam swallowed the lump in his throat, “We’re leaving after the school year ends.”

“What?”

There was a confused frown in Kurt’s face that made him look adorable, and it made Sam feel terrible knowing he was being forced to break this sweet boy’s heart.

“My parents can’t find jobs in Ohio so we’re leaving,” Sam said, his voice very close to breaking, “I’m so sorry.”

Kurt stayed quiet for a moment, and his confusion turned to sadness, and it slowly shifted into something akin to acceptance that Sam could tell was forced. Kurt walked closer and put his cold, soft hands on the sides of Sam’s face and leaned in his direction, “Don’t feel bad, it’s not your fault.”

Sam looked up to meet his eyes, “I don’t wanna leave you.”

“We can still talk, right? We can text, and maybe I could visit you on weekends,” Kurt forced a smile that ended up making him look like he was about to cry. He probably was.

“I’m still gonna miss you so much,” Sam replied, “It’s not fair.”

“I know,” Kurt whispered. He took a sharp breath before throwing his arms around Sam’s shoulders and tilted his head up to kiss his cheek, “I wish I could make it better, and I wish I could make you stay. Maybe…Maybe I could ask my dad if he can give your dad a job…I mean, maybe he needs help…He can’t do much hard work since he had his heart attack so…I don’t know, maybe he needs someone.”

He was holding onto Sam so tightly it was like he feared he’d vanish between his arms, and Sam held him just as tightly, pressing his lips to his temple. When Kurt came back to McKinley barely a week ago, Sam thought things were getting better. And Kurt had been through so much disappointment throughout his life it broke Sam’s heart to be one more disappointment added to the list.

“Any of you boys seen an aircraft-carrier around here?” Sam said. 

Kurt looked up for a second with a confused look on his face, “What?”

Sam knew he should be a little embarrassed, but Kurt looking up was a win he was going to accept. 

“Tom Cruise. Top Gun.”

“Oh.”

Kurt leaned back into Sam's shoulder and hid his face in the crook of his neck, and he could feel his slightly irregular breathing against his skin. 

“We’re gonna figure it out, alright? We still have a few weeks. Prom is next week. Aren’t you excited about prom?”

Kurt looked up at him with a flushed face, “Is that an invitation?”

“I didn’t think an invitation was necessary,” Sam admitted, “I’m your boyfriend. But, yeah, do you wanna go to prom with me? I don’t know where I’ll get a suit but…”

“I can help with that,” Kurt interrupted.

Sam let a soft smile show at Kurt’s weak yet present enthusiasm. It wasn’t much, but it was something.

“I’ll make sure you have the most amazing prom of your life. You can break up with me right after if I don’t keep my word.”

Kurt finally smiled.