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Chapter Text

   Two days had gone by that the Avengers lived with Barnes and things were all well. Two days before reality hit all of them like a bus, when Barnes's mental and physical health started to be far more present over the passing week. The NG tube was placed, therapy sessions started. They did not like their therapist at all and wouldn't acknowledge her at all.

   On the best of days they were just confused or stayed locked in their room as they weren't too sure as to where they were or who anyone was. On the worst of day's, like today no one seemed to be fronting at all. Their actions were unpredictable and frankly no one knew how to deal with it, almost every stimuli could be tied back to Hydra in more ways than one. 

   Though today as Barnes was sitting on the kitchen floor, seemingly alone in the tower, some Avengers level threat had pulled the team from the tower and bringing an unstable super soldier just wasn't a good idea. Jarvis was a good babysitter, he had to be given Tiny was still alive. However they weren't really alone, Peter Parker happened to still be in the tower. Jarvis prevented him from leaving due to a “sprained” ankle. In reality the stubborn teen had broken it and insisted on it just being a sprain and wouldn't hold still long enough for anyone to patch it up. 

   Peter walked into the kitchen though it was more a sad attempt at hiding a heavy limp. He saw Barnes pressed into the corner, eyes looking around yet not seeing anything at all. The teen texted Harley who was out making a snack run with Pepper and Happy. Jarvis hadn't let Peter go with them. 

   They had only been in the tower for a few hours, had it been longer Peter would likely be in a full body cast despite that being mostly unnecessary. They had been warned given the last week the highly trained super soldier was nearly out of his mind with his fluctuating emotional state and physical state. 

   Tony had told them, “be careful around Cap's buddy. I don't want you boy's getting hurt.” And Harley had retorted with, 

   “Why is he not in a cell if he's dangerous?” 

   “He's a good man… been through too much, he just needs time to adapt.” Tony spoke so seriously that neither boy was going to argue. 

   So Peter hesitated, the man sitting on the floor wasn't some crook that he could web up. However he did half hobble over to them and sat down, 

   “I don't know if you can hear me right now but I'm Peter.” He introduced himself with a warm smile, his phone chimed softly as Harley texted back. 

   Barnes seemed to at the very least slightly acknowledge the noise. 

Harles: why are you asking about dissociation? Are you ok?

Pete: I'm good, I'm sitting with

that guy Mr. Stark warned us about. 

Harles: why? Is he ok? What's he doing?

   Harley while taking mostly engineering courses at college he also is taking a few psychology classes mostly online. It had something to do with his first meeting with Tony, Peter hasn't really gotten the full story. 

Pete: He is just kind of sitting here.

Not moving more than his eye's hasn't said anything either.

Harles: Ma says he used to be a sniper, anything he keeps looking at more intently? She also says he's got DID. 

    Pete: not really mostly just the windows

and doors. 

   “Peter?” The voice was soft and quiet. 

   Peter looks over, smiles and puts his phone down next to him. “Yeah, Peter Parker. Tony's Intern.” 

   “Your ankle is broken. You shouldn't be walking on it. Are you ok? What happened?” he asked with the care a friend of Steve Rogers would obviously have. 

   “Yeah I'm ok. It was a skateboarding accident.” Peter said and while it was a lie it wasn't entirely a lie. 

   It was a skateboard that did it, it just wasn't an accident. The creep had meant to hit him with it more than once. 

   “You're a terrible liar.” he said as he stood up offering a hand to Peter, “I'm Jay.” 

   Peter took his hand and grabbed his phone as he was pulled up to his feet. Parker thought about insisting he was fine but the man didn't leave much room for argument as he helped Peter to a chair and grabbed a first aid kid from under the sink. One that Peter hadn't known was there. 

   The teen wasn't surprised though they were all over the tower, it came with the job. 

   “So you gonna tell me where this really came from?” He left room for the answer no, he wasn't going to push if Peter didn't want to tell him. 

   “I got into a fight, some man in an alleyway being a creep. I stopped him and ended up with a broken ankle. But that woman is ok so I don't really care that I got hurt.” Peter explained and Jay didn't question further. 

    “You're a good kid. A dumbass but a good kid. You know know I used to patch Steve up all the time. He would get into alleyway scraps all the time despite the fact that a light breeze could knock his ass over.” Jay said as he got out some supplies and gently took Peter's shoe and sock off. 

   It took longer than he would have liked but he only had one hand and that hand wasn't all that steady anymore. 

   “Steve didn't care though, he was already at death's door most nights and always said he might as well help people while he could. Of course he didn't word it like that the punk had one of the dirtiest mouths on the planet I swear. That idiot would come home with three broken ribs and a smile on his busted up face as I talked him through an asthma attack.” 

    Of course Peter had known that Steve used to be small and all that, he is taught that shit in school. But the part they weren't told about was all the personal stuff that only an old friend would know. It had Peter chuckling. He was shocked to hear that Steve swore like a sailor given he doesn't use that language very often now.

   Jay did what he could for Parker's ankle, bracing the foot against his chest while he felt around to determine how bad the brake was. Peter jerked and hissed just for Jay to sooth him softly in the way Parker would expect from a mother.

   Jay did a rather shabby job at wrapping up Peter's ankle and foot, sure it would hold for now but it wasn't really a good replacement for a cast. 

   “You need to get that looked at by someone.” 

   “You looked at it.” 

   “Don't smart mouth me, kid.” Jay chuckled sitting down on the couch next to Peter. 

   A little while after sitting in an awkward silence Peter grabbed the remote to the TV. “You want to watch a movie with me?” He asked. 

   “Sure, which one?” Jay had shrugged a bit and his tone sounded rather neutral. 

   “Do ya like star wars?” Peter asked hopefully, they are his favorite films and despite what Tony says, they are way better than star trek. 

   “I've got no clue what that is.” Jay said being brutally honest about it. 

   Peter looked offended, “no one has told you about Star Wars?” He sounded rather baffled. 

   “Nope” Jay put emphasis on the P. “They have been mostly ignoring me. Not that it's a problem, I don't know these people, they make Winter a little nervous too, so best they keep their distance.” Jay shrugged like it didn't bother him but it did. 

   Natalia was the only one that Winter trusted but she was almost always with that blonde guy, Falcon? No that was the black one, it was some bird related name. Winter fought him at one point. The Stark was loud and sporadic he did what he wanted when he wanted no fucks given, Falcon, Sam, was a good guy but Jay had to admit that his relationship with Steve made him jealous. 

   Steve, the man had hardly even looked at him. He won't touch him, he hasn't spoken to him beyond a hello. It was driving him crazy, he wanted Steve to tell him why. He wanted Steve to look at him even if his gaze was filled with disgust and hate. At least then he would have the man's gaze all the same. At least then he would know what the man was thinking. It made his chest hurt and his throat tighten around a sob he hasn't let come up in a very long time. 

   “It's a war movie that takes place in space. It's really cool.” Peter said he was all excited, if he had noticed Jay's little lie he chose not to say anything about it. 

   Jay liked that. It was easy. This here right now was easy. The easiest thing since getting out of Wakanda, sometimes he wished he didn't leave at all. He could have stayed, it was easy there. At least they never knew him as anything other than he was now. They looked at him, not past him, not through him, at him. At them. All of them. 

   The closest thing to sleep he's gotten since leaving was wrapped up in M'Baku's fur but it no longer smelt like him. Jay wanted nothing more than to go back, no he wanted to go back home but that wasn't an option, Wakanda was the closest thing he had now. He had thought that would be Steve but it wasn't. Steve now felt like looking at the burnt remains of your childhood home knowing that you'd never get the marked up door frame back or the pictures on the walls. Looking at Steve now was just a reminder of everything he couldn't remember. As if everything was within his reach again but Steve was just for enough that he couldn't quite grasp it. All the strings connecting him to everything else were frayed and broken except for Steve and that was held on by a thread. 

   All he wanted was a damn hug from his best guy. From anyone really. He wasn't made of glass.

   The movie started a black screen with yellow words scrolled by, Jay zeroed in on it, focusing on that rather than everything else. This was easy. He could do this. 

   The little nerdy kid next to him was so excited he couldn't hold still, legs bouncing up and down at a fast rate. He spoke at least half of the lines along with the characters though when he realized his face went a little red. Jay chuckled and an easy smile spread across his face.

   Soon things got a little less easy just as the movie had pulled him in the door behind them opened. Jay flinched and whipped around, it made them rather dizzy but that didn't matter the boy next to him had a hurt ankle he wouldn't be much use in a fight if one broke out. Not that he'd do much better in this state. Though it was just Pepper and another young boy. 

   “Dear God, already forcing the poor guy to watch Star Wars.” The other boy teased in a brotherly manner.

   “He wanted to watch it, Harley.” Peter sassed right back arms crossed in fake anger. 

   Jay liked Pepper, so did Reese. She was kind and had a warm smile a lot like his Ma did. 

   “How are you feeling, Barnes?” She asked walking over and handing Peter a Doctor Pepper and cheddar popcorn. 

   “I'm alright. How are you?” Jay said, it was a normal conversation. 

   It was just Pepper, it should be easy. It wasn't though, his chest felt tight. Maybe it had just been too long since he's talked to anyone let alone anyone he hasn't talked to before. 

————

   It was getting late, the sun had just set, the threat had been eliminated and the briefings were over. The rest of the team were going back home. Steve busied himself with more work. He couldn't go back home. He thought having Bucky back would be easier this time. It was just as hard. Maybe harder now. Shuri had dug up a lot on what happened to him and that gave them more threads to pull from. It was horrific and he was sure they were only finding the tame things. 

   He couldn't look at Bucky. Steve did all of this to him. He shouldn't have ever come up with that stupid mission plan. They shouldn't have been on that damn train. Sam walked up behind him making just enough noise to not startle Steve. 

   “What is it?” Sam asked spinning the chair around to face him as he sat down too. 

   “I don't know what you're talking about.” Steve tried but he knew hiding anything from Sam was hard, at least at this point in their relationship. 

   “Yes you do. It is blindingly obvious. What's wrong?” Sam tried and Steve spun the chair back around to look at the mission files on the computer screen. 

   At this point he was just pretending to work. Reading non confidential files and pretending to type. 

   “Is it Barnes?” Sam pressed. He normally didn't press. “He's safe now. And without the arm Hydra can't track him. He's going to be fine, just needs to adjust.” 

   “He shouldn't have ever been in this position.” 

   “Yeah, it sucks that he is. But it happened ain't nothing we can do about it now. Just have to help him throu-” Steve cut him off. 

   “I know! I should have done more. I should have known it was stupid. He told me it was. I shouldn't have ever even considered that mission let alone dragging Bucky into it." He was looking at Sam now. 

   “It wasn't your fault and you know it.” Sam tried. 

   “You don't get it Sam. He told me it was crazy. Everyone did and they still followed me. It was my op. His… it falls on me. It was my orders he was following.” It was rare to see Steve this worked up when he wasn't arguing with Tony. 

   “Steve, you weren't the one that shot him out of the train. It was Hydra's fault, all of it was their fault.”

   “He was only on that train because of me. If I had just come up with another way to get in. If I had just done something else he would be fine now. We would have grown old. We would have been fine.” 

   “You couldn't have known. No one could have known what would happen. Let alone that he could even have survived that fall.” Sam tried to assure him again but it was futile. Of course he heard the We in the statement he just chose not to think about its implications at the moment. 

   “All I had to do was hold him. It should have been the easiest thing in the world. I just couldn't. I should have held him.” Steve stood before the tear building in his eyes and the sob in his throat could escape. 

   He had always run from his problems. Sometimes it was an alleyway brawl, watching TV, listening to the radio, drawing.  Now though it always seemed to be literal. Feet hitting the ground as he ran through the streets of Brooklyn. A running high was the closest to numb he could get now. 

Chapter Text

  It was late, a normal night at the tower. Tony has been dragged to bed by Pepper, Peter and Harley were also forced to go to bed, Bruce has gone to bed at a normal time as did Steve, Natasha had left to the SHIELD base Maria had said she needed her, Thor was in Asgard. That left Clint, who was wide awake and in the living room, Coulson had popped over for no reason in particular. Clint had decided that laying on top of his boyfriend of several years and kissing him on the couch was appropriate. And given no one was around and there were no current plans to do anything more than kiss and cuddle it wasn't really a bad thing. 

   So they were kissing slow and sweet, Clint had his hearing aids out, he didn't need to hear to understand Phil. In fact it only took a second for Clint to realize that Phil had heard something. 

   There isn't anything wrong with their relationship, sure Clint's quite a bit younger than Phil but he's still a consenting adult and has been the entire time Phil has known him. They have only been together four years and Clint is the one who made the first move. However the problem with their relationship comes into play more so with the Handler Agent relationship, this is the only reason the Avengers don't know about this. Natasha being the exception as she so often is.

   Phil is Clint's higher up, he always has been. Looking at this relationship from the outside in; it doesn't always seem well… all that good. The dynamic they have is very similar to the one they have when working, it's completely different to the two of them but from someone else's point of view it would seem pretty much the same. Everyone would assume Clint was being coerced into it, that is everyone who has been in and remembers what a healthy relationship looks like. Though their relationship is entirely healthy and Phil has never and would never intentionally hurt Clint and if he ever did hurt Clint he would work to find ways to rectify that. They have good communication, it just doesn't seem that way. (As good as Clint let's it be.)

   So when Phil had heard something Clint quickly moved off of him and attempted to act like nothing at all had been going on while he looked around. It definitely wasn't suspicious at all.

   Barnes was standing there with a confused look on his face. Clint had completely forgotten about Barnes. No not forgotten him just not used to actively thinking of his whereabouts before doing something like this. He didn't know how to handle this, then it hit him. There was no way Coulson wouldn't recognize Barnes, one as Bucky and two as the Winter Soldier. 

   Coulson was just sitting there shocked while Barnes just stared at them. His face went through a few emotions, confusion stayed through all of it. He seemed happy for a moment then scared, then he seemed a little hurt. 

   “You two should be more careful. Anyone could have walked out here and seen you.” Clint was struggling to figure out which Barnes he was talking to. 

   “Yeah, probably should.” Clint replied, it was the truth too but Clint was to stupid and reckless for that to really stop him. 

   “Wouldn't want you to get hurt Barton, Natalia cares too much.” that still didn't help him decipher who this was. Also was that some off handed threat? 

   “I know I wouldn't want to piss that Banner guy off.” No he wasn't threatening them, they were concerned. 

   It made since given the time period he grew up in and the people he's been around for the majority of his life. Coulson was still just sitting next to him completely shocked, Clint couldn't quite tell if it was because he's a fan boy or because this was the Winter Soldier casually talking to his boyfriend. Probably both.

   “Nah, that's not what I'm worried about… well not in the way you meant it. The team doesn't care that I like other dudes. The problem comes because he's my superior officer…. And like 20 years older than me.” Clint said, he expected a shrug and for Barnes to go about whatever it was he was down in the commons for. 

   Hawkeye should know by now that whatever you expect typically doesn't happen in this tower. Barnes got this look about him. It was hard to pin what it was though it was so far from disgust and anger. 

   “You're not… they know?” His voice cracked a little. 

   “Yeah, they all know… not about me and him so you gotta keep that part hushed but yeah. They know I fuck around with dudes, chicks too…. Well not anymore I'm taken but you know what I mean” Clint shrugged a little, giving the couch a little pat next to him. 

   Barnes walked over, and sat down next to Clint. The tears in the man's eyes had been so obvious that even to Clint who hardly knew the man at all they felt like small daggers. Barnes didn't let them fall and he wouldn't. 

   “And that's… it's allowed?” Clint knew then, he knew why this mattered so much to Barnes. 

   This reaction isn't the same Steve had where he was happy that the LGBTQ+ community was a lot more accepted. It wasn't like that, the slight relief then brushing it off to figure out what else had changed. Sure Steve came back to the issue and was an activist but he's still just a straight alley. The way Barnes was looking at the two of them trying to process it, like his head really couldn't wrap around it. This was the reaction of a gay man. 

   “For the most part. Yeah, it's allowed. A lot of people don't care anymore I mean sure you'll still get nasty looks and slurs thrown at you and shit like that but that's probably way better than what you had to deal with.” Clint left out the physical violence that still happens sometimes and all of that, the man didn't have to worry about that right now. 

   It's clear Barnes didn't entirely believe him. Clint wouldn't have either. Clint grabbed the remote, he pulled up YouTube and clicked on a video from the most recent pride parade. All the Avengers had gone mostly to show support to Clint who's out publicly though they also showed support for every other member of the community. 

   Loki had gone with them too, despite murdering 80 people in two days they have become a major icon among the community. Tony had worn a shirt that read free dad hugs, Natasha had one that said wine aunt, and Bruce had been in a shirt that said I love my gay son. Some random guy on the internet bought them for the three of them. Bruce's shirt was mostly a running gag after a clip of him putting a bandaid on Clint's finger went viral. Steve was in uniform and Thor was dressed like a homeless man as perusual. Clint was in a typical wife beater, a purple flannel, and worn out jeans cuffed at the bottoms, a pair of doc Martin's, Bi flag colors painted on his face, and an enamel pin that was the trans flag and the words “Protect Trans Kids.” on it. 

   Barnes watched the clip of them all just goofing off and the other various things that happened there to other people. He seemed so surprised and happier than Clint can recall seeing him. 

   “See. It's allowed now.” Clint said as the video came to an end. 

   Barnes didn't really know how to react. Simply stating a few moments later, “i'm gonna go to bed.” even though it was obvious that he hasn't been sleeping and won't sleep tonight.

   Once Bucky was gone Clint looked back at Coulson, “don't tell Fury.” He said it was a half beg. 

   “Clint, he's dangerous.” Coulson spoke with the utmost care. 

   “Yes he is.” Clint said with a small nod Coulson had a brief moment of hope that Clint wouldn't fight him on this, “aren't we all though?” Clint asked a moment later. 

   “He's a good man. It wasn't his fault, none of it was.” maybe Clint was clinging to helping Bucky realize it wasn't his fault as much as he is to making others realize that to because he doesn't believe what Loki made him do wasn't his fault. 

   He still feels that guilt. 

   “Clint, he's still dangerous. He's unstable and we both know it. One wrong move and you could end up dead.” Coulson said his voice firm. 

   “That's not true. He won't hurt any of us. If he was going to, he would have already. Plus he doesn't have the metal arm anymore, and I mean you saw him. He isn't well. We both know what S.H.I.E.L.D would do with him. I won't let that happen.” Clint said back in all his stubbornness. 

   “If I find out even one thing goes slightly wrong I'm telling him.” Coulson was firm, almost like he was scolding a child.

   The team was eating breakfast and what not when Jay had come down. He ruffled Peter's hair as he walked by, 

   “How's the ankle?” He asked the younger male. 

   “It's ok, still broken though.” Peter said with a small shrug. It's been a week and with Peter's healing factor it should be healed by now but he keeps going on patrol instead of letting it heal.

   Harley, despite having been forced to go to bed, had fallen asleep head resting on his hand. Moments later his face ended up in his oatmeal. Peter picked his head up out of the bowl and moved it out of the way before laying the boys head down again.

   Tony was in a similar way, nodding off at the table and on his second cup of coffee. Clint and Natasha were goofing off and throwing food at each other. Clint smiled and waved at Barnes, 

   “Morning. Coffee's over there next to the pancakes.” Clint said pointing. 

   “Thanks.” Jay said with a sweet smile. 

   Steve was there to talking to Sam. He hardly even glanced, Jay's chest tightened. 

  ‘What is wrong?’ Winter had asked but Jay couldn't summon the energy to respond. 

   Jay doesn't know what hurts worse, the fact Steve couldn't be bothered to at least tell him that he didn't care anymore or the fact that Sam had taken his place. Winter is still getting used to these human emotions, being allowed to feel them and interpret them in others, so when he saw the pain in Jay he immediately decided to try and force his way to the front. 

   Nigel was managing to stop him as this was really no situation that needed him to be violent. Let alone towards Steve or worse Sam, they did that once they don't need to again.

   Barnes stood there for a second trying to figure out how they got here. God they smelt bad, their face itched too. Reaching up to find some tape and a tube going into their nose. 

   ‘Huh. Little strange wasn't there before.’ They thought, picking at the tape. 

   “Don't do that, it needs to be there.” A woman, with a very nice voice, said she has a warm smile. Too warm, its hiding something, something sad. 

   “Oh.” Xe whispered. Xe didn't feel like using xyr voice right now but Xe had too.

   No, the app on xyr phone, Shuri put it on there so xyr wouldn't have to talk. The woman smoothed the tape back over xyr face. Xe decided he liked her, she's got kind eyes. 

   “How'd I get here?” Xe said using xyr phone. 

   “You came from your room, you used the elevator.” She said smiling sweetly, “you're probably hungry, I'll get your feeding stuff.” She said and walked away to one of the cupboards that they've been keeping the syringes and food and meds for Barnes's feeding tube. 

   Wanda had been taking care of it for the most part, her and Pietro, mostly Wanda. Stark won't really let Wanda leave so she's here all the time. She's sure Bucky hardly even realizes. He's been floating around since they brought him back to the tower. He's had a lot of seizures too. About two a day. Had he not been a super soldier with a bunch of problems that would be a lot more concerning. But they never last longer than 3 minutes, they hardly last one and a half. The frequency of them though. That's where the problem lies. 

   Xe was sitting there at the table, the little brown haired boy was talking up a storm to xem. Xe smiled having no idea what a “Obi-Wan Kenobi” was or any of the other things really. Just happy to be here really.

    Xe knows that Jay had a place he belonged, Bucky and Winter too. Nigel didn't talk about what he knew, not often enough for xsm to know anything. But White Wolf, xe only knew Wakanda, and sure the place was nice but it was such a short stay. It felt like xe was missing something, a piece of xemself. As if there was this massive hole in xyr chest, xry mind, and memories that just couldn't be filled. Xe remembered bits,snippets, of pain that the others knew nothing of. But that didn't matter, not right now, not with the smiling boy in front of xem a smile that felt so familiar and yet was so obviously foreign to xem. Xe he no idea who this boy was. 

   All bright smiles, loud excited voice, wild hand gestures, light brunette hair sticking up in places as hair often did in the mornings. Tired eyes, tense shoulders, bouncing leg. 

   He's a good boy. You could see it in every line of his too stressed face. 

   Jay leaned against the wall, he felt unwell, tired and sore. He must have had another seizure. They were having a lit of those recently, Jay doesn't know why, he's not sure he cares much right now, he just wants to sleep, a good night's sleep for once. He can't quite remember the last time he slept.  

   His eyes fluttered closed for a moment before there was a voice near him. “Sweetheart? Why aren't you in bed?” She asked. 

   Jay looked up and smiled, “I don't know mama… guess I wasn't feeling well.” He was in the bathroom. Probably the worst place they could have had a seizure, so many things close by to hit. 

   “Oh, my sweet boy.” Winnifred cradled his face in her hands. “How about we get you to bed. I'll heat up some tea for you, a few drops of honey should fix you right up.” She goes to pull away, Jay gently grabs her wrist. 

   Tears in his eyes, “don't leave me, mama. Please don't go. I don't want to be alone again.”

   She rubs her thumb across his cheek bone, “I'll just be a second, James. No need to fuss.” She says pulling from her son's gentle grasp. 

   Jay sobbed, reaching his one hand out to her. Sitting up on his knees leaning forward as far as he could. Calling for his mama like a scared little boy. 

   He just wanted his mama. He may be grown but he still needs her.

   Tony was in his lab. Doing more and more research into everything that the Winter Soldier had done. Sure he understood that the man was a victim too but that didn't make sleeping any easier. The fact of the matter was he's an assassin. An unstable one at that. How long until the blank slate they've been seeing turns into something else? 

   When a PTSD flashback or something causes him to hurt someone. The Winter Soldier was a part of him, a fragment of him, Steve doesn't seem to realize that while the Bucky he knew was still there still inside of him, so was the Winter Soldier. 

   Tony just wanted to know how best to defend himself, his wife and kids. His team when their captain seemed so keen on putting them in danger. 

   The things Hydra did to Barnes were horrific, they made Tony sick to his stomach. But that didn't excuse Barnes actions. He still killed for them, was still their fist. Stark was willing to let it go, to leave it alone until something bad happened because this was Steve's old war buddy. 

   He really was. But now. Now after seeing the video of that man, if you could even call it that, killing his mom it was personal. It made his veins burn with ice cold hate and anger. He couldn't.

   No. He wouldn't let that… that thing live in his tower, with his wife, with his friends, with all the people he cares about, while knowing that it had killed his mother.

Chapter Text

   Winter woke up, it was sitting on a bed, it was warm in the bed. It could hear someone outside talking. Its head was throbbing though so it just closed its eyes and hoped to be woken up gently. Was it even allowed to be on the bed? It wasn't sore so the secondary use of it hadn't been used, maybe it would be. It hoped not, it didn’t feel great at the moment. 

   The talking outside got a little louder, it was damn near yelling. Winter vaguely remembered the voices though they hadn't been so angry the last time it had been here. It didn’t listen to the words, it knew better than that. Though Winter also knew better than to not inform its fellow agents or its commanders that it had woken up. It stood up and the world seemed to spin faster, the yelling outside stopped suddenly, Winter’s vision grew dark as it gripped the floor beneath their hand. 

   It was malfunctioning. It needed to inform someone of the malfunction immediately so the behavior can be corrected. Suddenly there were hands and muffled voices, familiar voices yet it could not place them, all around it. Two of the hands gently tipped it so it was laying over on its side the head pillowed on a soft but kind of firm pillow, that's good. This is good, ment they knew about the malfunctions, they were going to fix it soon. 

   Fix it so it can help the world again. So it can complete its missions. 

   It knew the hands, the voices. It knew well enough by now to know. They know best, they fix it even if it hurts. It will be fixed again. Fixed and helpful again. 

   Somehow the world got darker, quieter, and it knew it would be fixed so Winter didn't try and say anything. The hands know best. 

   Jay woke up, he hasn't got a clue where he was or what was going on. The room was quiet, a comfortable temperature, the bed underneath him was soft and cool like he had just laid down. It was refreshing like a cold shower after a day on the docks. There was a sudden sharp cold on his head that made him hiss. 

    “Shhh, I know. Must feel freezing, promise it's only cold.” it was a girl, Jay knew this voice, his brain wasn't working very well right now, it made thinking hard. 

   “Wh-who who-who?”Jay tried to speak but the word got jumbled on his tongue and just repeated itself so he stopped trying. 

   “It's Shuri, from Wakanda, do you remember that?” She asked, her voice is nice, sweet like honey on a rainy afternoon. 

   Shuri, Jay did remember her, and remembered Wakanda. He knew he spent some time there after Hydra, they got him back to Steve. 

   Steve… What the hell happened? 

   He was back in Wakanda. Had it been a dream? Getting back to Steve, that made sense. Steve would never avoid him, it was stupid for him to ever think Steve would do something as cruel as that. As not even telling him that he hates him. 

   Jay opened his eyes looking up at Shuri, it was quite bright. She was pressing a damp towel to his face, dabbing it against his forehead, cheeks, and neck. Like he had a fever, Jay can't get sick anymore, not flu and fever sick anyway.

   “It's the stress.” Shuri said as if she knew what Jay was thinking. “The fever. We don't know what happened, but the stress of it gave you a fever. A bad enough one we were worried your brain might melt.” Shuri said her tone was serious, Jay never liked hearing his sister talk seriously, Shuri reminded him of her.

   Jay nods a little. He was tired, and didn't feel well at all. He's supposed to take care of everything, to make sure he's healthy and Steve is healthy, and yet here he is dizzy and feverish from a little bit of stress.

   “It's ok. You can go back to sleep. We'll take care of everything.” Another voice said from beside him, looking over, Jay quickly recognized the king. 

   A good man, Jay never thought he would think that about a monarch, but there is an exception to every rule. T'challa is easy, being around him, sleeping, all of it really. It's just easier, something about the man makes it that way. Maybe the way he held himself, maybe the way he spoke, the way his eyes looked, maybe it's the fact that he welcomed them here into his country knowing the atrocities that they've committed. Open arms, a chance. 

   Jay let his eyes close, he can figure everything out later. For right now he just wanted a nap. A nap and some bourbon. 

   Jay ran up and hugged him. It had been so long since they'd last seen each other. Last the Sergeant knew they had been captured by Hydra again. That's a good thing though, ment they didn't have much to worry about. Until now apparently. 

   Bad things are the only reason he'd be out here. That he would have left his locked room down the hall. 

   It's ok though, it has to be. He'll make it ok, he always finds a way to make everything stop hurting so much. 

   “Hey, Jay. Let me take the wheel for a while. Y'all could use a break.” 

(Some racist language up ahead. Not in a racist way, not really anyway. More so 1920's-40's kind of language that hadn't been seen as racist then but is now.) [What I'm getting at is he's confused and old as hell.] 

   When he woke up he was in an unfamiliar location. This he had gotten used to, they moved him around all the time, to keep the Howlies off their trail. They'd find him, or he'd find them. That's the way this is. Steve would find him like he did last time. Though he really wished Steve wouldn't do such reckless things as that. That dumbass needs to stop thinking he's invincible, being strong ain't all there is. 

   He opened his eyes and looked around for a few moments. A lab, that's normal too. Though, he can't remember a time when Hydra ever took kindly to these kinds of people. Not to mention they didn't have the proper education for a job like this. They must be assistants. That always bothered him, Morita deserves better than that, he's such a good man.

   Though further inspection of the room told him that things weren't that way. He really had no idea what was going on. There wasn't a single Hydra logo or symbol of any kind. And everyone in the room were negros other than himself. Which was odd in of itself, the technology around him was also quite the wonder. 

   The door to his right opened, it was a pretty heavy metal door, must have some kind of pin or key card to get through. Hydra uses those a lot. He hasn't been noticed yet, his captures don't know he's awake, he had to get up now. Hopefully he'll be quick enough to at least get through the one door before the alarm is triggered. 

   As he started to sit up a large firm hand rested on his chest pinning him back down. Looking at the man responsible, a large negro in some gray fur, a leather top with no sleeves, thin bands around his biceps made out of what looks like thin wood. After some careful consideration, he grabbed the man's fur covered wrist with his metal arm. 

   His now black and gold metal arm. 

   He didn't pay attention to that fact, there were more pressing issues to attend to now. 

   He twisted the man's wrist and sat up getting out of bed. The man flipped him over his shoulder. He's strong, just as his build had suggested, though he was smart too, knew when to move away to avoid a fist to the face. 

   “Oh, you're feisty today, White Wolf.” The negro man said, White Wolf, not what Hydra kept calling him, and this man seemed far to happy about him attacking him. 

   He froze, looked around, no one moved to the alarms, no one with guns rushing into taze and beat him back into submission. This wasn't Hydra, this is something else entirely. 

   He should have known considering the people here weren't in similar states as himself. 

   He didn't feel well and would quite like to sit down now. He however does not sit down. Instead he looked at the bulky man in front of him keeping his shoulders squared and on the balls of his feet just in case. 

   “Oh, done already? Though I guess that's a good thing, you are hurt after all.” The man said, taking a few steps towards him, a steadying hand on his side. 

   The man reminds him of Steve, in a physical sense that is, very large. Tall and a lot of muscle, could most definitely crush his head with just his pectoral muscles. 

   He shook the thought from his head before it could spiral. He hoped God couldn't hear him wherever he was.

   “Where am I? Who are you?” He asked, trying not to sound hostile. Though he did already attack the man.

   “You are in Wakanda. I am M'Baku, leader of the Jabari tribe.” The man said slowly moving him back to the bed.

   A bed, not a cold table. A bed, the same one he had been on before, a bed with no restraints. 

   He sat down like he wanted too, and let the man's words sink in for a moment. 

   “So Africa. I'm in Africa. How the hell did I end up here? I was just in Europe.” He said mostly to himself. 

   “You just sit tight for a moment, I will go get princess Shuri, she'll know more than I of what has occurred.” M'Baku says, taking his hand off his side. 

   He wished that he wouldn't have. 

   Fuck, he was definitely going to hell. 

   These impure thoughts probably aren't why but they certainly aren't helping.

   Now that M'Baku has mentioned it, he hurts all over. A dull ache from a fever that lasted a little too long, more importantly though his human arm felt like it had held up several tons on its own, the wraps around his chest and back were concealing wounds that he can't feel. 

   He sat there for a while before a young woman approached, M'Baku hadn't followed her. 

   “Hey, I don't believe we have met. I'm princess Shuri.” She held her hand out and had a small soft smile, one that his own sister might have worn, he thinks. 

   “No, I don't believe we have. Sergeant Barnes, from the Howling Commandos and the 107th infantry unit.” He took her hand into his flesh one, she was warm. 

   Distinct so, it was nice, he always felt cold. He didn't want to let go of her hand, he did however let go after a firm professional hand shake. 

   “That man, M'Baku said you would know what's going on? How I got here.” The Sergeant said he had tried to keep his guard up, he should know better than this. But she was warm, so warm and her skin was soft. 

   She said she is a princess and yet she held herself as if she was an equal to him, and her hands were soft and warm and yet had that strength to them that told him she didn't shy away from hard work. 

   “You've been here for three months Sargeant, a friend of yours had called us to pick you up after some rather troubling incident that we weren't given the details of. Just a week ago the city was warring, some politics that I'm sure would bore you. You had saved a young boy from a collapsing building, you had sustained a few injuries from that.” Shuri had explained to him, he could tell she was putting on an act, being professional, far more so than she wanted to. 

   He had gotten the odd sense that she knows him despite the fact that he's never met her. She had said so herself,”I don't believe we've met” is what she had said. The Sergeant is a good soldier, he's a sniper, he notices things that's his job. He must have had another, “episode” that's what Steve had called it, the rest of the boy's had just said something along the lines of, “oh, the Sarge is all Balled up again.” They had never taken it seriously, he liked that. They didn't worry like Steve did. Well they did some times.

   “I've been here before, haven't I? Well not me but when I,” he paused, he doesn't know how to put this, not to mention he shouldn't be telling people about it at all. They'll throw him in the loony bin for sure. 

   “Yes, you had been here before, we had taken care of you for a little while. My brother, the King, had rescued you from a Hydra base.” Shuri said and it's clear she wanted to say more, but she too had taken a pause. “So you're aware of your conditions?” She asked, the Sergeant could help but wonder what a princess was doing here, why was she telling him this and not a doctor?

   “It's not really a condition.” He tried to argue but he knew she was right, missing large pieces of his memory, losing time, dissociation, the occasional voice no one else could hear. 

   If he ignored it. If he ignored it well enough it was almost like he was normal. 

   “Yes… I've noticed some things. Still it's under control, I've got a handle on it.” He tried, hoping he sounded even slightly convincing.

   The princess nodded a little, “ok,” she seemed a little nervous, not of him but of something else, “this is going to be a lot to take in. We'll, no I should ask this first, what's the last thing you remember?” Shuri's voice held none of the worry or nervousness her face held.

   The Sargeant didn't know what the last thing he remembered was. His head was scrambled and oh so very quiet. Too quiet, like when you first take a step into an empty room. Lights off with nobody inside, except it's worse than that. He knows there are people in the room, a feeling like a chill on his neck. Aware of them but so much so that he could really see them or feel them or hear them. Sometimes there was a whisper. 

   Fuck, focus. This shouldn't be hard. And yet here he was, struggling to think of the last thing he remembered. This shouldn't be har-

    A chair, the pain. Little moments, when he was dragged awake and tried to act accordingly. He's a soldier, he follows orders, he couldn't remember who's orders. They were probably Steve's. But they couldn't have been could they? Steve would never have asked him to… told him to do that. Not that of all things. 

   “I was… it's hard to say. The war was over and yet I was still fighting. Heh, Steve probably was at fault. That punk just don't know how to put his dukes down.” the Sargent said with a found smile and a slightly annoyed huff. 

   There had to be led in his chest. Steve wasn't here. Something felt wrong, off. Just overall not quite right. He wanted to get out of here. To find Steve, he's sure the Punk had gotten into more trouble that he can handle. The Sargent tried his best to pay attention to the princess and the words she was saying. 

   “- so pretty much you've got a bunch of people in your head. It's a trauma response, your brain develops several personalities in order to protect yourself- “

    It was hard to pay attention, his head was throbbing, his body sore, he wanted a cigarette even though they haven't really done anything for him in a long while it would be nice. He couldn't help but wonder if Gabe would let him bum one off of him. Steve had called, or no? Someone had told the people here to take him back, but why? 

   “-the Winter Soldier program. Steve broke the brain washing, still we worry that there might be-” 

   The Sargent was laying in a tall grass field, the wind howling softly as it wisped by, his body hurt a lot now. Probably was off whatever meds he had been given. He didn't remember the conversation with Shuri just that it happened, the words had escaped him. 

   The moon looked so big, the sky so clear. He doesn't think he's ever seen so many stars at one time. He never bothered to really look when at camps. This was nice, it was a nice night. 

   There was an odd weight on his chest, not in a metaphorical way. Something was laying on his chest and yet he couldn't bring himself to move. He was comfortable like this. It was calm and nice and… he wished Steve was here to join him. Steve and Becca, she was going to get married soon. He hoped he could be home in time for the ceremony. 

   The ache in his body was a strange one, deep in the muscles, not like he had been crushed under a building. It was something else. He didn't quite care right now, not when it was so nice out tonight. 

   His eyes slipped closed, one arm raised to rest on the head of whatever fluffy animal was on his chest and decided not to eat him. It was a nice night and for once he didn't mind sleeping under the stars.

Chapter Text

   The Sargent woke up, there was something blocking out the sun, he had to blink a few times to clear his vision. “Oh, it's you.” He said looking up at the Princess, he could still feel the weight of something on his chest. Looking down at it showed it to be a little baby goat. 

   “Looks like you've got a friend.” She said with a soft smile.

   “Yeah, looks like it.” He said sitting up holding the goat to his chest. 

   “Did you sleep out here, White Wolf?” Shuri asked, sitting down next to him. 

   'our name. They gave it to us.’ a voice he wasn't familiar with said in his head.

   “yeah, I did… I don't know how I got here. One of the guys, I'd say.” it was a safe thing to say, she already knew about them. 

   “So you are aware of them? Not just the condition but the Alters themselves?” she asked, the army man wasn't sure how he felt about all the questions but she's a princess so it's probably against the law not to. 

   Not to mention she seems smart, might help make sense of things, put words and names to the weird shit the people in his brain cause. At least he knows now that it 100% is a condition and not possession like he had worried sometimes. 

   “Some of them. I know there are more now. I haven't met them, Jay and Ni are mostly who I… it's complicated.” he didn't want to communicate, that felt like admitting he was crazy, but they talked to him and he talked back. 

   Nigel is a Brit who is very logical about things and a very sensible guy while Jay tends to be more… energetic and leads more with emotion than real thought. He takes good care of people though. Jay's changed though, just a little, seemed more strung out last they spoke. It's been a while since the new guy showed up, since it took the reins for a while. It held control through weird triggers and commands that kept them all away and forced him up there. Out here. 

   “They communicate with you.” Shuri said, looking at him. The Sargent nodded, petting his goat. He wondered if he would be able to teach it to attack. 

   Having an attack goat would be sweet as fuck. 

   “Sometimes. There's another one, I know about, we kinda… I don't know. It showed up before I went away for a while.” he felt crazy talking about this, he knew he sounded crazy. “They talk to me sometimes, and I know it's in my head but sometimes they seem real, like I can hug them and see them. It's crazy I know.” The Sargent felt the need to tack on the fact that he knew it was crazy as if Shuri needed to be told, though maybe he just needed her to know that he was aware that he was crazy. 

   Like that made him less crazy. (I should specify I don't think people with DID are crazy. This is just the mindset James has.) He just didn't know how to seem normal, not if the princess already knew. She didn't seem to mind though that could just be a ploy to gain his trust. James is alone right now, he knows he can feel it. Not even Nigel nearby and Nigel had always stayed close by. Well that is other than the times where the Sargent was out in the field, out doing his job. Nigel went away, he took Jay with him and they were just somewhere else. The Sargent would be stuck there in the front for days or weeks even after he got back to base as if Nigel was making sure it was safe first. 

   Nigel is a good man, odd but he's British, he calls trash rubbish and says wanker instead of dick for some odd reason.

   “You aren't crazy, just a little different.” Shuri said, Jame knew she was trying to be nice, trying to provide some odd comfort. 

   Her words were lies though, he isn't different, he's out of his damn mind. The Howling Commandos knew it. They didn't mind but they worried about him, they helped him hide it. Steve never noticed but he'd known them all their lives. Plus he was too busy chasing over his girl to notice it had gotten worse. Dugan had given him his name, well Sargent wasn't really a name its a title but he only ever used it for him. 

   “The Sargent is over there.”, “Let's get the Sargent a drink.”, “you ok, Sargeant?” All that kind of stuff, he noticed despite being a bit of a fool. The boys were all fools, then again they all were just boys, most were hardly over twenty. 

   The baby goat in the Sargeant's arm screamed, James petted it gently. “No. Well yes technically being crazy does make me different, I suppose. Still though, no, I'm not different, I'm crazy. You don't have to sugar coat it, doll.” he tried to keep his tone nice but it came out a little harsh. 

   Shuri smiled, “You're not crazy. You'd have to be wildly violent, it's in the definition. You are mentally ill though, DID, PTSD, and anxiety. All your other mental symptoms we can't really determine if they're part of disorders too or a result of your TBI.” The princess seemed to like talking to him, she used big words and acronyms he didn't understand at all. 

   “Well, that was a load of gobbledygook.” the Sergeant said with a little head nod still petting the baby goat. This baby goat seemed content to be here.

   It seemed like in a blink of an eye James was in a nice room somewhere. He knew time had passed, a lot of time he just couldn't place how much. He's losing time again, a lot of it. The last time this happened was with Hydra. With the Skull, his chest felt tight, he's been laying in bed for a while he could tell by the ache in his back from the curled up position he was in. Yet he hadn't slept. He couldn't, he couldn't sleep. The Sargeant couldn't sleep, he was trying but it just wouldn't come, he just couldn't. His eyes burned and his eyelids felt weighted. 

   He wanted nothing more than to light a cigarette, lean against a wall with Dum Dum Dugan on his right, Lucky Logan on his left, both the other men smoking cheap cigars, the rest of the boy's talking about girls, he wanted to wake up being carried in Steve's arms. Being laid down on a cot, pretending to sleep while Steve climbs in with him knowing the next time he wakes he would be laying with someone else, Monty this time perhaps? 

   The boy's never let him sleep alone, not after the experiments Hydra did on him. The Sargeant couldn't be trusted alone, not with so many guns and knives readily available. They thought he would kill himself, he's not that dumb… he wouldn't. No not when he had a sister to go home to, she needed him. His boy's needed him, he wouldn't kill himself. 

   James wrapped his arms around himself tightly. He wanted to be held. He always wanted to be held, everything is always so cold and everyone is so warm. The Sargeant wanted big strong arms around him tightly, wanted a good squeeze to crack his back and a gentle soft kiss on his shoulder that's so light everyone could deny it ever happened. 

   James wanted a lot, he's smarter than that though. He's smart enough not to just go around asking for it. He yawns, his eyes heavy and burning, his jaw clicked uncomfortably. His breath was stolen from his lungs.

Soviet Russia - Moscow - 1956

   James had tried his best to fight the Skull off, tried to be the only one here and yet Jay lingeried close by. Watching. The Sargent wished he hadn't been here either, he was tired of fighting, he wanted a nice warm bed to lay in or perhaps just the hard ground next to a campfire. God he just wanted to be warm.

Wakanda- present day

   The bonfire was nice and warm, the Sargent felt hazy despite not sitting near where the smoke was drifting in the wind. He knew his mind wasn't all there, could feel the flash back pulling at the corners of his mind as he tried desperately to be present. The fire was nice, the fire was warm, there were people around, music playing mostly drums, dancing, and the bonfire; but his jaw hurt, it ached. Hands burned into his flesh felt real despite not truly being there. He was clean, he knew he had showered some time recently, right before this celebration, he remembered that he had done it but not quite remembering doing the actual act. Yet he felt dirty.

   A kind of dirt that was under his skin, that made him sick to his stomach. His jaw hurts.

   Soviet Russia - Moscow - 1956

   The Sergeant was hit hard in the face by a crimson fist. A vile crunch was heard, though James had felt it more than heard it. Two teeth fall from his bleeding mouth. 

   His jaw had been broken and dislocated, James couldn't close it despite the fact that he tried. He wanted to close his mouth. 

   The red skull pulled him up by his hair so he was just on his knees rather than his hands and knees. 

   “You would be a lot prettier if you would just listen. I'm only gentle with pretty things.” The skull told him. 

   James couldn't fight anymore, he couldn't move at all, he was shaking from the cold in his veins and the fear in every other part of his body. His mouth was unable to close.

Wakanda- present day

   Something soft was draped over his shoulders, it seemed almost like a blanket but he knew it was some item of clothing. “You seem preoccupied, White Wolf.” It was a man's voice, not M'Baku so he was at a loss to who it could be, but this man knows his name. 

   “Little.” He hoped he didn't sound breathless. 

   “Your jaw must be sore.” The man said, the Sergeant's eyes went a little wide, how did this man know?

   How could the man know what happened?

   “If you keep clenching it shut like that you'll crack a tooth.” The man said. 

   He didn't know. 

   James couldn't decide if that was a relief or not. On one hand he would like to take this, and the many other times, to his grave and never speak of it, but on the other he wants someone to know someone else to know what happened to him in hopes that maybe…. Well he doesn't know.

   “Oh I didn't notice.”His voice shook more than he wanted it to, it was also much too quiet for this setting. 

   “Would you like to talk about it?” The man asked, his voice was so calm, so nice and sweet.

  It was so different from how the skull would talk to him. He wished it was one of the memories they stole from his head but of course it wasn't. They wanted to leave him with all of the bad, wanted to kill him so they could put their little soldier in his place. It worked in a way.

Soviet Russia - Moscow - 1956

   He could taste the salt of sweat on his tongue, it mixed with the heavy taste of iron from the blood filling his mouth. He's sure a tooth or two had been knocked out at the very least knocked loose. The ache in his jaw was the least of his concerns though, in fact he wished he could focus more on it.

   James couldn't breathe, the long thick cock in his mouth and throat prevented that. The voice speaking in a language he only kind of knew, the tone of the voice implied the words weren't praise.

   He closed his eyes tight and tried to pretend he was anywhere else, with anyone else but it wasn't working. He was with the skull and he was in a HYDRA base, his jaw broken hanging open, a tight hand in his hair that's getting too long. He's strong but he's also so tired, too weak to stop the other man. No he's not a man, a man wouldn't do this, couldn't do this. 

    Every thrust into his mouth and throat cut off his air flow, he choked and sputtered on blood. He doesn't know exactly how long this lasted, being used as a toy like this. The skull was enjoying using him like this, hurting him like this. The sadistic bastard. 

   Though the sudden burst of thick sticky liquid mixing with the blood and forcing its way down his throat had taken him aback. The salty taste was almost a comfort amongst the coppery taste of blood though choking on cum most definitely would never land on James's list of comforts.

   Though that meant it was over. The skull shoved him to the floor with a single harsh push. “If you would just listen this wouldn't be a problem.” He said finally speaking in English again for the American soldier at his feet. 

   James went to talk but he just sputtered in blood. His hand went to the side of his jaw the skull's foster made contact with. The red skull had hit him so hard his jaw was half hanging off of him on the one side. 

Wakanda- present day

   James's fingers had subconsciously dug into his jaw, clawing at it slightly. A panicked motion as he struggled to realize he wasn't there. The skull wasn't here, he was supposedly dead though he didn't believe that. The man sitting with him gently took his wrist and guided his hand away from his jaw. 

   “Barnes, I need you here with me. Need you here.” The man said with a gentle kind of firmness. 

   The kind a worried sibling might use to try and get you to tell them who was bullying you at school.

   “Here.” James breathed. The ground beneath his feet was solid dirt, soft grass, and it was warm. Warmed from a day in the sun and a night by a fire. It was warm, James wasn't cold though his jaw hurt. It ached from the scratches he left and the memory of the injury.

   He wanted to puke. James wanted to puke up the Skull's cum he had been forced to swallow or drown on. The man looked at him so sweetly, 

   “Yeah, here.” He confirmed with a little nod. “Can I touch you?” He asked, it was such a strange question though only enough it was a relief. 

   “Y-yes. Yes.” James said slowly calming down. 

   The man was gentle and his hands were surprisingly soft as he pulled him into a hug. One arm wrapped tightly, securely around his back while the other hand was gently cupping his jaw. The portion of it that James had been clawing at. 

   His breathing was still ragged and he still choked on the not there fluid every few breaths. However the hand firmly planted in the middle of his back was nice, it was warm and grounding. He was warm, the fire was warm, the music around him was loud along with the other voices. It wasn't the cold, quiet room with the skull. 

   “Are you ok now, James?” The man asked.

   “Yeah, I… I think so.” The Sergeant said with a small nod, pulling out of the man's gentle grasp, “thank you.” James said, he didn't bother to try and smile reassuringly, Steve wasn't here so he didn't need to worry about Steve getting worried. 

   The man nodded, deciding not to say anything about the situation, and didn't even ask what it was about. 

   “I'm T'challa, we've met before, well I've met some of you not sure I've met you though.” The man, T'challa, introduced raising a hand to be shaken. 

   James was sure the man had met Jay, he could feel Jay's presence in the back of his head and he seemed to relax a little bit around this man. 

    “James Barnes.” He took T'challa's hand and gave it a firm professional shake.

   “It's nice to meet you James.” T'challa didn't seem bothered by having to comfort James, he found that to be a relief. 

   James wasn't sleeping, he could tell that he wasn't sleeping despite the fact that he keeps waking up. He couldn't seem to sleep. The way his body ached and his eyes burned that he hasn't slept in at least three days. He's a super soldier. He doesn't need to sleep very often; he can make it about a full week before he starts to shut down. Well at least he used to be able to. He's underweight, dehydrated, and his head was killing him. He needed sleep, maybe if he just took care of himself this would be easy, he wouldn't have to sleep. 

   James doesn't want to sleep, he knows sleep won't be pleasant. Knows it would be filled with nightmares and memories he already can't get out of his head so closing his eyes is a waste of time.

   He wandered around Wakanda aimlessly, wondering when the last time he ate was, he's hungry but he knows he would puke if he tried to swallow anything. 

   “Hey, come here.” James heard a woman's voice, she sounded so soft, so nice but far away. Barnes didn't recognize her voice at all.

   James assumed the woman wasn't talking to him, he kept aimlessly walking. 

   “White Wolf, come here.” Now he knew the voice was talking to him. He's heard enough people call him that in passing, Shuri had called him that before as well. 

   James turned and started to walk in that direction. “That's it.” It was such a sweet delicate voice. Divine, that's a nice word to describe it. It wasn't luring him in, no it was simply guiding him. 

   “It's safe here. We'll protect you.” James continued to walk, the voice got louder the closer he got. 

   Soon enough he was face to face with this woman, standing in front of a very lavish temple. It was obviously religious, James would have realized this had he not been exhausted, dehydrated, and hungry. The woman was very dark, her skin was black not just a dark brown but black. She had a head piece on was long strands of beads and the mimic hair, the head piece almost looked like a panther. She gently took James's hand and led him inside, 

   “You've become very precious to us, to my avatar. Almost like a brother.” She spoke in her silky soft voice. “Sit.” She gestured to the floor in front of her. 

   James hesitated for only a moment, all it too was her warm eyes and a reassuring half smile and he was on his knees for her. Sitting. She turned away for just a moment before she held a small bowl to his lips, James didn't need to be told to understand what she was trying to do. He drank slowly, small sips of cool water. 

   Once the water was gone he rested his head on her knee, “who are you?” He asked softly, his voice raspy.

   “That doesn't matter now, White Wolf.” This not answer seemed to be just fine for James at the moment. Resting his head down, eyes falling shut. 

   “Is this real or a dream?” James asked, once again he was met with a not answer. 

   “You're running another fever. You've got to stick to the treatment plan. Shuri's trying very hard to help you but you've got to help yourself too.” She said, having simply ignored his question of if this had been real. 

   “What treatment plan?... do the others know about it, they didn't tell me. They don't tell me much of anything.” James rambled a little, the woman petted his head gently. 

   “Some of them.” she finally gave him a real answer to a question. “Now hush. Get some sleep. There are no nightmares here, not with me.” Once again James didn't feel the need to question this, he just listened. Letting himself finally drift off to sleep again. 

   The last time he had slept had been in the field with that baby goat. That had been so long ago even if James only remembered small portions of things. Someone else must be up in the front too, though James doesn't know who. He can't feel them and they haven't spoken to him even once.