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Chapter Text

There were many different reasons for people to cultivate. Some did it out of their faith, believes. Some did it for the power that came with it. However, there was also a big part who tried to achieve forming a Golden Core in order to be able to find their soulmates.

People took it as a gift from the gods, because whenever both members of a soulmate bond were able to cultivate a Golden Core, their souls would form a link, connecting through it, allowing them to feel each other’s energies. 

If Jiang Cheng had to describe what his soulmate‘s energy felt like, he would compare it to the first rays of sunshine on a cold winter morning. Incredibly warm, soothing and gentle. Able to thaw out the ice of his heart, spreading beautiful warmth all throughout Jiang Cheng‘s body. His soulmate‘s energy was able to calm his unruly emotions down whenever he felt upset, angry, sad or unloved. 

Emphasis on ‚was‘, because it’s been a long time since Jiang Cheng felt that beautiful energy the last time. 

In a world, where people were able to feel their soulmates through their Golden Cores, Jiang Cheng lost his - because fuck him. 

Jiang Cheng often asked himself how his life would have played out if he was still able to feel his soulmate‘s energy. Maybe his decisions wouldn’t have been so anger driven. Maybe he would have been able to rebuild his sect on calm steadiness instead of anger. Maybe his title wouldn't have ended up being ‚Sandu Shengshou‘.

Back when he decided to lead the Wens away from Wei Wuxian after escaping from the massacre of Lotus Pier, he truly hadn‘t expected to survive. Truly had not expected the horrors he would have to go through afterwards. At that point he had seen how his family and sect got murdered, had gotten tortured, his chest split open by the Discipline Whip, however, nothing could have prepared him for the pain he felt when his Golden Core was molten, when he felt his soulmate‘s gentle energy seep out like sand of a broken hourglass. 

Getting his core restored by the wise Baoshan Sanren just sounded too good to be true. Like a way to be able to avenge his family, like a way to feel his soulmate again. In hindsight he should have gotten suspicious when the soulmate bond did not connect again. 

Wei Wuxian gave up his own Golden Core for Jiang Cheng. Wei Wuxian gave up his own soulmate connection for Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng had been able to feel hatred for Wei Wuxian betraying him and the Jiang Sect before. Jiang Cheng had been able to feel hatred for Wei Wuxian losing control over his Demonic Cultivation before. But now, knowing what Wei Wuxian gave up for Jiang Cheng, made it kind of hard to hate him. If Wei Wuxian‘s soulmate had even half of the calming effect Jiang Cheng‘s soulmate had on him, Jiang Cheng could understand why Wei Wuxian lost control - and knowing Lan Wangji it had for sure. 

Hatred turned into frustration against himself. Wasn’t Jiang Cheng’s sacrifice completely pointless in that case? Was he to blame for taking Jin Ling’s family away? Were any of his achievements due to his own efforts? Or was he only able to rebuild his sect because of Wei Wuxian‘s core. 

At that fateful night in Guanyin Temple Wei Wuxian told Jiang Cheng to leave everything in the past. That was an easy solution for the man, wasn‘t it? On a logical basis Jiang Cheng knew that Wei Wuxian meant to make peace with it, but instead he felt abandoned once more. 

Wasn‘t it him who sat in Lotus Pier all alone whilst Wei Wuxian had his merry way with his soulmate? That was the next sore point, apparently Wei Wuxian had been able to form a Golden Core again, Wei Wuxian was able to reconnect his soulmate bond.

The only one left all alone was Jiang Cheng. Jiang Cheng who had almost forgotten his soulmate’s precious energy by now. 

And it wasn‘t just Wei Wuxian who had left Jiang Cheng behind, Jin Ling too. Ever since taking on the mantle of being the Jin Sect Leader, Jin Ling had barely contacted Jiang Cheng. 

Yes, the Jiang Sect did receive sect correspondence from the Jin Sect regularly. In the beginning Jiang Cheng was excited to receive the letters, now they only frustrated him further. Jin Ling kept private messages to the barest minimum. His letters were neatly written, topics discussed to the point without adding any unnecessary flowery words. If it was any other sect correspondence Jiang Cheng would have been happy about it and he was actually proud of Jin Ling - but he wanted to know what was going on in his nephew’s life, wanted to be there for the boy, giving the advice Jiang Cheng lacked so much when he took over the Jiang Sect. From time to time Jin Ling did actually add personal lines. They were always saying something akin to „I am doing well. No need to worry.“, „Everything is going well, we will see each other at the next discussion conference.“  - A nice way to tell Jiang Cheng to stay the f away. 

Well, at least it gave him a reason to look forward to the next discussion conference. 

Months went by until Jiang Cheng finally found himself hastily climbing up the stairs to the Cloud Recesses. This year the annual discussion conference took place at the Gusu Lan Sect. It felt weird, regarding the fact that Zewu-Jun, their actual sect leader, was still in seclusion. However, Lan Qiren had been helping out as the sect leader long enough, the man knew his way around better than most of the other actual sect leaders, so Jiang Cheng guessed it was really nice for Zewu-Jun to have a family to have his back when needed. Jiang Cheng lacked that privilege. His gaze wandered to his second-in-command, Jiang Li, next to him. A calm and collected person who was skilled with the sword as well as his words, worth being in his position, but call it his trust issues, going into seclusion, or simply taking a break, leaving the sect to the man had never been an option to Jiang Cheng.

Once they finally reached the top, the Jiang Sect delegation greeted the Lan Sect. Afterwards Jiang Cheng couldn‘t wait to see his nephew anymore. If it was Jin Ling who wanted to take a break Jiang Cheng would not be able to take over the burden to fill in the position, not because he didn‘t want to, but because meddling with the Jin Sect too much wouldn‘t bode well. However, there were ways to make Jin Ling‘s life easier. It was a small one, but sharing his experience with the boy was something he could do. Especially now, short time before Jin Ling’s first public appearance as a sect leader. A few encouraging words would definitely be welcomed, right? 

At least that was what Jiang Cheng had thought, because he just couldn‘t find the golden boy. Was Jin Ling ok? Had he arrived yet? Was he safe? Jiang Cheng felt himself getting nervous. Maybe Jin Ling was playing with those Lan boys … hopefully with them and not Wei Wuxian.

„Sect Leader, the first meeting is going to start very soon. It‘s time for us to go to the conference hall. I know you‘ve been searching for Jin Li- Sect Leader Jin for a while, but maybe he‘s already gone there to prepare himself.“ 

Jiang Cheng nodded at his Second-in-command, Jiang Li was probably right. 

They made their way to the hall and indeed, Jin Ling was already there. Seated amongst other important Jin Sect members. A weird mix between relieve and disappointment washed over Jiang Cheng. Jin Ling was safe and sound, which was amazing - but his nephew did not need encouragement beforehand, at least not his. The boy looked all calm and collected, Jiang Cheng was worried over nothing. 

The conference began soon after. There were more or less important topics to be discussed, but it wasn‘t an exaggeration to say that all eyes were on Jin Ling. The young boy that was suddenly thrust into his position. Jiang Cheng‘s heart bled for the child, his baby nephew. However, his worries, his sympathy were again not needed, because Jin Ling did an amazing job. 

The questions he asked were thoughtful and intelligent, the points he made were precise and understandable - some of the older sect leaders could actually take a page out of his nephew’s book. Jin Ling also delivered his speech in a clear and confident manner. Pride filled Jiang Cheng‘s chest, what an awesome boy! Though a dark thought formed in the back of his head, ‚a-Ling didn‘t need you at all for that, did he?‘ - Jiang Cheng stomped his own insecurities down, he should celebrate Jin Ling‘s achievements!

When the first conference ended Jiang Cheng couldn’t wait to leave the hall. 

„With the first meeting being over, the official program for today is done. You are free to do whatever you want for the rest of the day.“

The Jiang disciples nodded and Jiang Cheng was finally FINALLY able to go to speak with his nephew. This time it also didn‘t take a long time for him to find Jin Ling. The boy was standing in the shade of an old tree, seemingly waiting for someone. Jiang Cheng‘s cold heart warmed a bit at that, Jin Ling finally took some time aside for him. 

He was almost there, when a dark clad person overtook him. Jin Ling visibly brightened up when he saw the man. Oh. Seconds later the boy was enveloped in the arms of said person, Wei Wuxian. 

„You did a really really amazing job, Jin Ling!!“ Jin Ling grumbled something Jiang Cheng wasn‘t quite able to catch and tried to free himself out of the sticky arms. In a really ineffective way, even Jiang Cheng could tell that his nephew actually enjoyed the affection. It sure was a damper to Jiang Cheng‘s mood. 

„The way you delivered your speech, excellent, I bet not even your old grumpy uncle can find anything to nag about.“

„Ahem.“ 

Both Jin Ling‘s as well as Wei Wuxian‘s gazes wandered towards Jiang Cheng. 

„Oh, speak of the devil. Hello Jiang Ch- Sect Leader Jiang.“

Sect Leader Jiang? This was new - and it actually stung. 

„What do you think of Jin Ling‘s performance, he did an amazing job, didn‘t he?“

Jiang Cheng didn‘t like this situation at all, he was here to talk to Jin Ling, not to Wei Wuxian. He was really awkward and irritable around the latter. However, this wasn‘t about him, but about his nephew. His nephew who now looked at him anxiously, as if Jiang Cheng was about to announce his death sentence. Why was it like that? Why did he feel so hurt about it?

„A-Ling, you did a good job indeed. You delivered your speech in a confident way, the points you spoke about were clearly very thoughtful. However, regarding the guiding of the trade routes you talked about, I‘d rather suggest you to-“

„Stop it, a-Che- Sect Leader Jiang! Why can‘t you just praise the boy for once?! Jin Ling clearly did super well. Stop criticising him!“

Now, Jiang Cheng really did not come here to fight, especially not with Wei Wuxian, after all his plan was to avoid the man as much as possible. He could feel his temper rapidly rising though, why did this man interfere in a conversation that wasn‘t even meant for him to be a part of?

He gritted out, „Wei Wuxian, I wasn‘t meaning to criticise him, but give him some advice. Because I would have been happy to receive some back when I took over the sect.“

At that Wei Wuxian seemed to get weirdly agitated. „But now is not the right time for advice. The right time for advice would have been before the conference, not after. Why do you only speak about it with him now and not earlier? Jin Ling was constantly asking me and Lan Zhan for advice on our monthly night hunts with the juniors. He must have asked you too!“

Monthly night hunts? Oh. Asking Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji for advice? Oh. By now all of Jiang‘s Cheng good mood had been snuffed out like a weak little candle. Darkness crept over instead. His gaze wandered over to Jin Ling, who had gotten visibly pale from Wei Wuxian‘s revelation. That hurt even more.  

„I am sorry I didn‘t give advice beforehand. Believe it or not though, I actually never got asked. Good thing you were here to provide some instead. Right, a-Ling.“

By now Wei Wuxian seemed to have noticed his slip up as well. „Aya, Jiang Cheng, please don‘t be upset. Jin Ling has actually been working very hard at Koi Tower. Especially for this conference. He has so little free time but still carved some out to come here a week prior to get ready. He practiced his speech with us every day, asked all kinds of questions to be ideally prepared to impress all of us, especially you.“

At that point Jiang Cheng saw red, it wasn’t his proudest moment, he tried really hard for his nephew‘s sake, but he finally lost it. All his frustration burst out at once

„Hahaha, so let me resume the conversation, Jin Ling. During the past few months you‘ve been too busy to visit me once, you‘ve been too busy to write me even one personal letter - but you‘ve had the time to go nighthunting with the juniors of another sect. When you had questions, needed advice, you didn‘t come to me, who has been leading a sect for years, but went to Wei Wuxian and his husband instead - whilst telling me explicitly not to come visit Koi Tower. You know what? It’s ok, I wouldn‘t want to come to me for advice either. After all I am indeed a very unlikeable person! I am easy to irritate! I am a horrible role model! Good thing there is finally a nice and kind uncle to go to after having to put up with me for years! Go for it, I won‘t hinder you. I’d rather continue to stew at Lotus Pier all alone, like I have been doing for the past months, before having a family that only comes to me when there is really no one else left! I‘m better off alone, I‘ve always been after all!“

With that Jiang Cheng took off - without looking back once to see the equally shocked and worried expressions of Jin Ling and Wei Wuxian. 

-

Jiang Cheng glared at that big, weird looking stone he had already passed the fourth time by now. There were either several identical looking weird stones placed around Cloud Recesses, or the mighty Jiang Sect Leader had completely and utterly lost his way. Admittedly, when he stomped out of the main complex into the mountain area to vent off his anger he didn‘t really pay attention to his surroundings. After all he was well versed in the layout of the Lan Clan‘s home, he studied here for quite some time! At least that‘s what he had thought until now.

It had gotten pretty dark as well, unfortunately not due to it getting so late. Jiang Cheng‘s next glare was reserved for the clouds hanging low in the sky. It would probably start raining soon. In other words, high time to find his way back and take a good rest in the guest quarters. A couple steps ahead the path was about to fork. Jiang Cheng had taken both ways before, just where had he gone wrong? Right now and in life in general. 

His anger had pretty much worn off by now, leaving space for bitter sadness, bone deep exhaustion and a tinge of guilt for blowing up on Jin Ling. His nephew had hurt him pretty badly this time, but deep in his heart Jiang Cheng was convinced that the boy hadn‘t actually meant to. 

Thunder rumbled from afar, Jiang Cheng picked up his pace. Right here he had taken the right path the last time, so this time he would use the left one. Sadly his efforts came for nought, as the first icy droplet landed on his forehead. Oh come on!

Only moments later it started raining heavily. Just Jiang Cheng’s amazing luck. Not really having anywhere else to go, he followed the path blindly, hoping it would eventually lead him back. By the time he spotted a tiny cottage in the middle of nothing, his clothes had already been soaked. Should he really take shelter there? At this point he couldn’t get much wetter anymore anyways. As if in answer, the area got illuminated by the blinding light of a flash, thunder followed directly after. On second thought seeking shelter did not sound that bad at all.

Jiang Cheng wasn‘t rude enough to break into the cottage, however, he let himself fall down on its porch with a deep groan. A shiver ran through his body. He felt uncomfortable, like a drowned rat. To think that just a day ago Jiang Cheng was so excited to get here… now he desperately wanted to be back home. He didn‘t have a good time at all. Jiang Cheng pulled his knees as close too his body as possible, why couldn’t things be nice for once? Why did he always have to pick fights? Why did nobody care about him being miserable? Why was he alone again? A tear ran down his face, or was it just the rain? Jiang Cheng didn’t know, didn‘t care, not like anyone would see him out here anyway.

„Sect Leader Jiang?“

Chapter Text

Lan Xichen was surrounded by a lake. The water‘s surface completely still, no ripple to be seen. He couldn’t quite make out whether it was deep or shallow, as it was almost pitch black. The sky around him gloomy. There were a few withered lotus flowers and leaves sprinkled across the lake. Other than that, nothing. He hated it here. Hated it. Hated it. Hated it!

Back when Lan Xichen was still able to feel his soulmate’s energy, he always liked to imagine it being a body of water. Sometimes it was calm, glittering water with the slightest soothing ripples. Sometimes it was lively, gurgling water like a mountain spring. More than often it was like the raging sea. Lan Xichen figured out early that his soulmate had always felt a lot, had a lot of emotions. Even though the water was always in motion, it surrounded Lan Xichen like a gentle hug, always kept him afloat, never pulled him down. Never - besides that one time.

Lan Xichen could exactly remember the last time he felt that beautiful energy. His soulmate seemed to be in great distress at the time. He had never experienced their energy all over the place like that before. Wild water clashing at him, burying him underneath, bringing him back to the surface, only to pull him back down again. He had a hard time breathing at the time, filled with worries. Lan Huan tried to send his soulmate as much calming energy as possible, but he just couldn‘t get through. Never had he felt as helpless before.

The energy was at its wildest when suddenly everything came to a halt. Wild waves ceasing into complete stillness. Lan Xichen‘s eyes widened, his soulmate‘s energy had never stilled before. Not once. Then it faded, like evaporating into mist until there was nothing left at all. That was it, the energy was gone, Lan Xichen‘s soulmate was gone - and Lan Xichen had not been able to do anything about it at all. 

It was surreal, it was unexpected, it was completely heartbreaking. Lan Xichen could still remember breaking down afterwards, never in his life had he cried as much before, never had he cried as much afterwards.

His life went on, he had to be strong for both of them, however, he had not stopped missing his soulmate once. 

Lan Xichen‘s only solace was meditation. Whenever he was able to stop thinking, stop feeling, forget his surroundings, he was able to go to that place. A lake, with gentle water, the slightest ripples. Lotus blossoms sprinkled across. He loved that place, it was the closest he could get to his soulmate’s energy nowadays.

Just that good things never seemed to last for Lan Xichen. Ever since Guanyin Temple, ever since learning about a-Ya- Jin Guangyao‘s betrayal - ever since killing him - Lan Xichen couldn‘t get to that place anymore. Maybe it was his eternal penalty, because his only solace was replaced by the completely still waters he had seen just before losing his soulmate forever.

Cruel, it was cruel, but if it was the price he had to pay for his ignorance, his blindness, he would take it.

Maybe he was just imagining things, but today the water seemed to be particularly dark. 

The sound of thunder made Lan Xichen lose his focus, the world around him seemed to blur, it was his least favourite place, but still, he didn‘t want to leave. A loud groan from outside made Lan Xichen come back to reality at once. 

He sat in front of his low table, room around dark and messy. He blinked a few times before lighting up a lamp. Heavy rain pitter-pattered outside, had someone taken shelter on his porch? Lan Xichen fidgeted a bit, shook his head, he was in seclusion, it wasn‘t his problem. Another thunder rolled shortly after it flashed again. Maybe he could at least take a look at who it was. He stood up on wobbly legs to peek out the window. Who was that? A purple clad man sat outside, knees drawn close to his body, shivering. Before Lan Xichen knew it, he had flung the door open.

„Sect Leader Jiang?!“

Said sect leader visibly startled before turning to Lan Xichen with big eyes, like a dear caught in the headlights. Lan Xichen would have laughed if not for the genuinely miserable state the other man seemed to be in.

Jiang Wanyin appeared to be soaked to the bone, his eyes rimmed red as if he had been crying. Lan Xichen didn‘t know why, but seeing the other like that didn‘t sit well with him at all, he preferred the sect leader in his usual prideful manner.

„Sect Leader Lan, what are you doing here - oh god, is this where you‘ve secluded yourself?!“

„It is, might I also ask what you are doing here?“ Jiang Wanyin’s face turned from shocked to embarrassed to sad and back to shocked again. It was amusing how expressive the man was.

„I took a walk to let off some steam and got surprised by the weather on my way back.“

Lan Xichen looked the other man up and down, Jiang Wanyin squirmed under his gaze.

„Alright! I took a walk to let off some steam and got surprised by the weather whilst searching for my way back. I am completely lost. However, it definitely wasn‘t my intention to intrude. I am very sorry for disturbing your seclusion, I‘ll take my leave immediately.“ As if to prove his point, Jiang Wanyin got up.

„NO! I mean, why don‘t you come inside? The rain is still pretty heavy and you‘re soaked already, you‘ll get sick.“

Jiang Wanyin looked at him with a clearly uncomfortable expression, which didn‘t sit well with Lan Xichen either. The thing was, he also wasn‘t quite sure why he invited the other in, his humble adobe was in utter disarray, he was in seclusion and definitely not in the right headspace to entertain guests. Still, the fact that he didn‘t like to see the other man in such a miserable state remained. It was too late to take his offer back now anyways. 

„Thank you very much, Zewu-Jun, but I really don‘t want to intrude on your seclusion.“ Good thing that at least Jiang Wanyin had some decency left.

„Sect Leader Jiang, I insist on it,“ he heard himself say. Lan Xichen‘s brain to mouth filter really wasn‘t functioning too well today.

„I don‘t think this is a good idea.“

„Don‘t worry too much about it, Sect Leader Jiang. I plan on slowly taking back my sect responsibilities anyway. My social skills have become a bit rusty, so you would actually help me if you‘d entertain me for a bit.“

The uncomfortable look on Jiang Wanyin’s face intensified, he clearly wasn’t happy about the situation … at all. In the end he still agreed, most likely out of respect.

The first time Lan Xichen regretted all but forcing the other man inside was when both of them were still outside. The second time was when Jiang Wanyin actually stepped into his living space, because upon entering the chaos, there was the tiniest twitch in the younger man‘s expression, nothing you‘d normally notice, but Lan Xichen still did.

„Ahaha, please don‘t mind the … mess. I know it‘s not really an excuse, but I haven‘t been in the best state the last few months.“

Neither did the younger comment on that, nor on Lan Xichen’s poor attempt to push some of the sheets that were strewn all over the floor to the side. Jiang Wanyin had always been a neat person, from his impeccable writing to his punctual arrivals for meetings, notes carefully prepared beforehand. Lan Xichen had often taken note of those little things.

„You can sit down here, at the low table, I‘ll get you a towel to dry yourself off real quick.“

The third time Lan Xichen regretted forcing the younger inside was sitting opposite Jiang Wanyin, watching the younger’s ramrod straight posture. He looked severe, the big towel wrapped around him didn‘t do harm to the image. Lan Xichen knew better than to smile about it. However,  that wasn’t the reason for his regret. It was actually the awkward air between them, because it was obvious that the Jiang Sect Leader wouldn‘t be the one leading their conversation today.

Both of them had never been too close, what was Lan Xichen supposed to say?

„Lan Jingyi told me the annual discussion conference is currently taking place in Cloud Recesses, how has the first day been?“

„You are allowed to speak to others during your seclusion?“

Well, that wasn‘t a direct answer to his question, but Lan Xichen could work with that. „No, actually only to my uncle and brother,“ he smiled, a weak thing compared to the ones pre-seclusion, but it was already a huge improvement. „But I think Lan Jingyi made it his personal mission to keep me informed about what‘s going on outside. Every time he comes to drop off my daily meals he stays outside to tell me about everything that has happened, even though I never answer. I am pretty sure I wasn‘t that well informed back when I was still outside myself.“

If Jiang Wanyin was surprised about it, he didn’t show it at all. Lan Xichen sighed inwardly, how was he supposed to carry on?

„The first day of the conference has went by quite well. No bigger disputes or disagreements up until now.“

Oh! The Jiang Sect Leader helped him out, thank goodness. „That‘s a relief. By the way, it’s Jin Rulan’s first discussion conference, right? How has he been doing?“ Jin Ling was a safe topic to talk about with Jiang Wanyin, wasn‘t it? The man had always adored his nephew.

Apparently it wasn‘t, because Jiang Wanyin’s expression turned bitter.

„Jin Ling has performed very well today. He has been well prepared and well spoken. He‘s probably taking his new post very seriously, I can‘t guarantee though because I haven’t been too involved recently.“

Not just his expression turned bitter, but his tone as well. That didn‘t sound good at all. The sudden image of pitch black water crossed Lan Xichen‘s mind, he felt nauseous from one second to the other. Maybe the younger man‘s bad state had something to do with his nephew. It wasn‘t Lan Xichen‘s place to pry, they weren‘t close at all and Jiang Wanyin‘s bad temper was world renowned.

The awkward air between them felt thicker than ever.

What was Lan Xichen supposed to say to lighten the other‘s mood?

„Sect Leader Jiang, may I talk about myself for a bit?“ Jiang Wanyin nodded, signalling for Lan Xichen to go ahead. „I haven‘t been doing too well during the last few months. Whilst I‘d prefer to stay holed up in here all by myself forever, I know that that isn‘t an option. I am self aware enough to know that the world doesn‘t need a fool like me around.“ - Jiang Wanyin opened his mouth to retort, however, Lan Xichen gestured him to listen instead. „But I know my uncle does. My mother died early, my father secluded himself. So the nearest thing to a parental figure to me has always been my uncle. He might not have been the ideal parent, but he has always given his best to enable us a good life, still does. Not just that, he also had to fill in as sect leader for my father, because father failed his duties towards the sect and now it‘s me who does. I know my uncle doesn‘t mind, but I want him to be able to relax, do the things that make him happy. I cannot always rely on my uncle, I want him to be proud of me and know that I am able to take care of myself. I want to prove him that I can do it all by myself.“

„…“

„I am clearly in no position to ask you about what‘s going on, but I do feel like your nephew might be in a similar situation.“

Jiang Wanyin sat across from Lan Xichen, clearly contemplating what had been said. Hopefully he wouldn‘t lose his temper because of Lan Xichen‘s unwanted sob story.

However, instead of exploding, the corners of Jiang Wanyin‘s mouth lifted up slightly. „Thank you for letting me in on that, Sect Leader Lan. I don‘t know whether you and my nephew are in a similar position, but it is kind of you to try to cheer me up.“

The nauseating feeling in Lan Xichen’s chest vanished at once, Jiang Wanyin’s smile was nice, it would be a good thing to see it more often. Spurred by the previous success of their conversation, Lan Xichen added. „Maybe you could refer to me as Lan Xichen whilst speaking casually together like this? I don‘t feel fit for titles at the moment.“

„Alright, Lan Xichen. You may call me Jiang Wanyin as well.“

The stiffness and awkward air between them was gone afterwards. They didn’t move back on to heavier topics, Jiang Wanyin didn‘t ask about how seclusion had been treating Lan Xichen. Lan Xichen didn‘t ask how Jiang Wanyin had been doing in regards of Jin Ling, as well as Wei Wuxian. They opted for lighter topics instead and it was nice. Truly, the Lan Sect Leader hadn‘t expected that Jiang Wanyin would be the first outside person to talk to him after entering seclusion, but right now he didn‘t feel like complaining at all.

Had it been minutes or hours when they noticed that the rain had finally stopped? Neither of them knew exactly.

„I think it is time for me to go now, Lan Xichen, thank you again for letting me take shelter and for humouring me.“

„I have to thank you.“

Jiang Wanyin got up, Lan Xichen followed in suit. „I meant it when I said that I plan on slowly returning back to my duties. The first step will be to take over sect correspondence again. Maybe you could find the time to write, it would help easing me back into my position for sure.“

The Jiang Sect Leader nodded. „Only if you describe me the right way to get back to the main complex.“

It made Lan Xichen laugh, he could agree to that.

A short time later the Lan Sect Leader watched the purple clad man going, back getting smaller the further he got away.

This visit was completely unexpected to Lan Xichen, even more unexpected was how well both of them seemed to be able to talk together. Why had they never really gotten close?

Lan Xichen watched the purple robes sway gently in the wind. Oh, right, - because Lan Xichen deliberately put as much distance between the both of them as possible. The reason for that was actually shameful. Shortly after Lan Xichen‘s soulmate died he heard of the massacre at Lotus Pier. His soulmate had always reminded him of water. Also, sects were the place where people with strong cores would gather, so his theory made sense to Lan Xichen. His soulmate must have been part of the Jiang Sect. Lan Xichen had never hated Jiang Wanyin, he truly hadn‘t, however, especially in his younger years the same question wouldn‘t leave him whenever he saw the other man. An unwanted question, like sticky resin he just couldn‘t manage to wash off.

‚Why has this rude man survived but not my soulmate?‘

Lan Xichen got sick at stomach because of his own thoughts, how could he be like that, why was he so spiteful towards a young man who had lost almost everything? He couldn‘t help it though. Jiang Wanyin wasn‘t invited to be part of the Venerated Triad. Jiang Wanyin didn‘t get included, even though he would have needed help more than any other of them. 

Unnoticed to him, Lan Xichen’s hands had balled into fists, tight enough his bones were showing. At some point he would need to apologise to Jiang Wanyin. 

Chapter Text

Jiang Cheng followed the path back to the main complex. Knowing the right directions made him feel ridiculous for losing his way before, it was so easy to get back. He couldn‘t feel bad about it anymore though.

Meeting Lan Xichen today was something Jiang Cheng most definitely hadn’t expected, even less talking so casually to him. It was nice, he felt lighter than before.

The Lan Sect Leader apparently planned on slowly returning from his seclusion. That was good, very good actually, because whilst Lan Xichen called himself a fool that no one needed, Jiang Cheng had to highly disagree with that. A calming and kind presence like Lan Xichen‘s was incredibly valuable, especially at discussion conferences to keep all those idiots in check.

Lan Xichen … hm, how was the man actually doing though? Jiang Cheng thought back to the chaos in the small hut with a shudder. He truly hadn‘t expected the prim and proper man being surrounded by such a mess. He hadn‘t been looking too good either. The other sect leader had lost a good amount of weight and muscle, cheeks sunken in with dark purple eye bags. The saddest thing was his smile though, Jiang Cheng could perfectly remember the man‘s bright and warm smile, now it was only a shadow of its former self.

Even though Lan Xichen definitely hadn’t been faring too well, he had still taken Jiang Cheng in. Had tried to cheer Jiang Cheng up. It was surprising how this man got broken over and over again but was still kind to others, whilst Jiang Cheng was …Jiang Cheng. Grumpy old Jiang Cheng.

Maybe he could actually really write Lan Xichen at some point, in order to show his gratitude.

It didn‘t take long for Jiang Wanyin to spot the first buildings, he would be back at the guest quarters soon. It was very much time to be back anyways. The dark clouds had vanished after the previous downpour, making space for an abundant sky full of twinkling stars.

How late had it gotten already? Probably a long time after the ninth hour, it was pretty rude towards his hosts to still wander around after their designated bed time. Jiang Cheng imagined himself explaining Lan Qiren that he was actually only wandering around this late because he had such a good time talking to their secluded sect leader. The thought made him smile.

Jiang Cheng was only a last few steps away from his quarters, when he noticed someone sitting in front of the entrance. His eyes widened, he was right in front of the person with a last few quick steps (he did NOT run). Friendly tail wagging greeted him, ok, it was not just a person.

„Fairy, hush, be quiet. You‘ll wake up everyone.“

Right in front of Jiang Cheng‘s door sat Jin Ling, snoozing away peacefully.

Back when Jin Ling still was a little boy partly living in Lotus Pier, he sometimes waited in front of Jiang Cheng‘s bedroom door just like that, in order to go to bed together. However, since Jiang Cheng was working into the late hours most of the times, Jin Ling often hadn‘t been able to stay awake until he finally retired as well.

It was a good memory. Just that Jin Ling wasn‘t a little boy anymore and definitely not at Lotus Pier at the moment. Jiang Cheng suppressed a smile.

„A-Ling, wake up, what are you doing here?“

Jin Ling’s eyes fluttered open, it took him a short moment to remember where he was and why he was there in the first place.

However, once Jin Ling came back to his senses, Jiang Cheng had his arms completely full with his nephew. Jin Ling hugged the crap out of his uncle. Not being the one for big affectionate gestures, the latter wasn‘t quite sure how to respond. Awkward pats on the back had to do for now.

„A-Ling, what are you doing here? It‘s so late already.“

„'m sorry.“

„What?“

„I am very sorry, uncle! It‘s not what it looked like at all!“

Jiang Cheng stiffened up. „Why don’t we talk inside for a bit, I bet the others won’t be happy if we wake them up. It also doesn‘t concern them.“

Jin Ling nodded and let go of his uncle, followed him inside the quarters. The atmosphere between them was heavy, but in order to make peace a talk between the two of them was direly needed and both of them were well aware of it. They sat down across from each other, Jiang Cheng waiting for his nephew to begin. Silence. At some point Jiang Cheng decided that it would be him to start their conversation after all - when Jin Ling found his courage to do so instead.

„Uncle, I am extremely sorry about the situation that happened with Wei Wuxian today … actually not just that, but also, or rather especially the time before. My intention has never been to cut you out of my life, the opposite actually. I wanted you to see how well you‘ve taught me in leading the sect. I wanted you to see that I am a responsible adult who doesn‘t need to bother his uncle, doesn‘t need to hide behind his uncle whenever life gets rough. I didn‘t want to burden you any further than you are now anyways. You‘re constantly working, how can I add to that?“

Jiang Cheng shook his head, even though he didn’t like to admit it under normal circumstances, his disciples, his second-in-command, all of them were highly capable. He had the luxury to be right at his nephew‘s side when the boy needed him. 

„A-Ling, you aren‘t and have never been a burden to me. You are, in fact, no adult yet, so you don‘t always have to act like one. I am here for you whenever you need me to be.“

Now it was Jin Ling’s time to shake his head. „It’s not just that, but if I stick too much to you there‘s another issue … my sect elders, they are horrible. They don‘t like to follow my orders at all.“

Jiang Cheng was well aware of those power hungry wolves, he would have been surprised if they made things easy for Jin Ling.

„I‘ve often thought about calling you over, to have you backing me up, uncle. But I can‘t do that. They will say that you are around Carp Tower too often, they will say that you are trying to gain power over our sect whilst we are at our lowest. They will make you their scapegoat! I can‘t let that happen. However, I can’t do it alone either, that’s why I‘ve occasionally asked Wei Wuxian and Hanguang-Jun for advice. All the sect work, you make it seem so effortless! It‘s hell, whenever I finish responding to one letter, I feel like there are two new ones appearing out of thin air! I barely have time to do the things I like anymore … and I miss home. So bad, I just want to go back to Lotus Pier! But I can‘t because what right does the Jin Sect Leader have to just stay at another sect!“

Jiang Cheng watched his nephew with big eyes. Jin Ling had worked himself up enough, tears pricked the corners of his eyes. It made Jiang Cheng‘s heart hurt for the poor boy. Jin Ling was even younger than Jiang Cheng had been when he took over the sect, no age to say goodbye to his youth yet.

For a lack of a better way to console Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng pulled his nephew in his arms, awkwardly. He felt the fabric of his robe getting wet from his nephew’s tears.

„A-Ling. I am touched you are thinking so much of me, I really am. But do you think I am scared of those old geezers at Koi Tower? If they dare to run their mouths about me being by your side from time to time, they should be prepared to taste Zidian.“

A wet chuckle could be heard from Jin Ling, which encouraged Jiang Cheng to go on.

„Your concerns are valid and it is actually quite insightful from you to think of them. However, there should be no problem to ask me for advice occasionally. You also don‘t have to ask me in person all the time, letters from you are on my ‚top priority pile‘ of sect correspondence. It is absolutely no burden for me to help you, I actually want to help. You are my family a-Ling, that‘s also the reason you are allowed to visit Lotus Pier. People will always talk, it‘s sad but true, but we don‘t have to cut all ties because of your new position, alright? You don‘t have to shoulder all of your burdens alone.“

„Thank you uncle.“ Jin Ling looked up with teary, puffy eyes, reminding Jiang Cheng way too much of the small boy Jin Ling was not too long ago.

They separated soon afterwards, promising each other that they wouldn‘t mention their heartfelt talk to anyone else.

„By the way, uncle, where have you been after storming off, it took so long for you to arrive back at the quarters.“

Jin Ling seemed surprised over the slight smile on Jiang Cheng‘s face. „Nowhere really, I just lost my way for a bit.“

The young Jin Sect Leader passed on asking further questions, he liked to end their conversation on a good note. A few minutes later Jiang Cheng watched Jin Ling wander off, apparently the boy had promised the Jiang‘s second-in-command to let him know when Jiang Cheng was finally back.

This night Jiang Cheng didn‘t feel alone. This night Jiang Cheng wasn‘t plagued by nightmares either. Instead he felt content, dreamed of someone warm and safe in a cold winter night.

The next morning Jiang Cheng got lectured by his second-in-command for just disappearing. Since it was kind of justified he endured it without any protest.

The rest of the discussion conference went by uneventfully, the discussed matters were pretty much the same as every year. The usual scrabbles, the usual solutions, nothing worth Jiang Cheng‘s precious time. However, seeing Jin Ling do a great job all throughout the meetings definitely was.

On the other hand Wei Wuxian … Jiang Cheng wasn‘t necessarily proud of it, but he avoided the man like a plague. A talk between them was probably long overdue, but the Jiang Sect Leader decided to not think about it for now, or ever. He rather wanted go back to talk to Lan Xichen again. Unfortunately he was self-aware enough to not disturb the other‘s seclusion twice - especially since they hadn‘t been too close before.

Lan Xichen asked Jiang Cheng to send him a letter, did the other man actually mean it or was he just being nice? Probably the latter.

„God dang it!“ - so why did Jiang Cheng still spend so much time thinking about what to write the other sect leader anyway?! He crumpled the letter, or rather the paper with the one line he had actually managed to write down, into a small ball and threw it away. Two months. It‘s been two months since he had returned from Cloud Recesses and he still hadn‘t come up with a single good topic to write about. Bothering Lan Xichen with a boring story of his daily life wasn‘t appropriate for sure. There also weren‘t any topics of importance between the two sects to discuss at the moment.

Eventually he decided to do some work instead, like each other day. Was it a good idea to begin his actual sect correspondence in frustration? No, but at least he couldn‘t get much more annoyed, so did it really matter? His second-in-command previously sorted the letters into ‚very important‘ ‚important‘ and ‚unimportant‘. Jiang Cheng eyed the bullsh- unimportant pile in suspicion, unbelievable that there was still so much left, even though Jiang Li had already answered the letters that didn‘t require the sect leader‘s immediate attention.

Jiang Cheng picked the first letter up from the ‚very important‘ pile, a slight smile grazed his features as he spotted the seal. A peony, Jin Ling sent a letter. True to his words, Jin Ling had started to write whenever he needed advice, or just wanted to hear from Jiang Cheng in general. It was a very nice change.

About ten letters of never ending sect correspondence later, someone knocked on the door. 

„Come in.“

Jiang Li walked into the office, sporting a complicated expression. Jiang Cheng immediately paused with his work, full attention on the man. His second-in-command was a calm and levelheaded person, it took a lot to make Jiang Li lose his cool, which was a good compensation for Jiang Cheng‘s short temper. Combined with his sharp mind and excellent sword skills, Jiang Li was an invaluable presence in the Jiang Sect.

However, that also meant that whenever Jiang Li’s expression was off, nothing good would come out of it.

„What’s up?“ Jiang Cheng asked, not bothering to hide the alarm in his voice.

„Greetings Sect Leader … a messenger from the Lan Sect has just arrived with a letter.“

Jiang Cheng cocked an eyebrow, waiting for the bad news. 

„The messenger insists on handing the letter over to you directly … it‘s Wei Wuxian.“

Son of a b! Jiang Cheng could immediately feel his temper rising. His former brother was playing dirty, Wei Wuxian hadn‘t bothered to visit Lotus Pier in all those months before, so what was his intention of coming now?

Jiang Li spoke up again. „What do you want me to do? Shall I send him away or would you prefer meeting him?“

‚Prefer meeting him‘ - definitely not. Sending him away would be a good idea, just that sect leader as well as second-in-command were well aware that it would be incredibly disrespectful towards the Lan Sect, hence Jiang Li‘s complicated expression.

Jiang Cheng sighed. „Is Hanguang-Jun there as well?“

„Wei Wuxian came without any company.“

That was probably the biggest olive branch Wei Wuxian could offer, coming directly into the lion‘s den without any protection. Another deep deep sigh, Jiang Cheng got up from where he sat. „He‘s in the receiving hall, right?“ - a nod from Jiang Li - „Let‘s go. You need to stop me in case I‘m going to strangle him.“

Jiang Cheng strut into the receiving hall with all the pride he could muster, Jiang Li only a step behind. Both of them made up a force to be reckoned with. Jiang Cheng was keenly hoping Wei Wuxian would be impressed by that, because he definitely didn‘t feel even the slightest bit confident at the moment.

There was a smile on Wei Wuxian’s face, it faltered for the slightest moment upon seeing Jiang Cheng enter, the Jiang Sect Leader caught the slip up anyway - at least it wasn‘t only him feeling nervous. Sunlight on a cold winter morning, Jiang Cheng sent a quick prayer towards his soulmate, begging them to assist him with the upcoming conversation.

„Wei Wuxian.“

Said man bowed awkwardly, „Greetings Sect Leader Jiang! I‘ve come all the way from Gusu to deliver this letter written by Sect Leader Lan to you.“
Wei Wuxian righted himself and took a few steps towards Jiang Cheng, handing the letter over. The Jiang Sect Leader took it silently. God, this was so awkward.

Once delivered Wei Wuxian moved backwards again, apparently not too sure how to proceed. Jiang Cheng figured his former martial brother had not expected to actually come this far. He sighed heavily, it was him who had to speak up now, wasn‘t it? In order to return the offered olive branch.

„Wei Wuxian, tell me. Why are you here instead of a proper messenger? Why are you demanding from me to get the letter in person? I am convinced you could have given it to any disciple to bring it to me.“

„Would you believe me if I told you that I have missed Lotus Pier?“

Lotus Pier, right. Not Jiang Cheng. Especially not since their last parting. Before really thinking about it he offered, „If you‘ve missed Lotus Pier so much you might as well stay the night. I am busy working right now, should you feel inclined to have dinner with me instead of wandering around, you are welcome to join me in mother‘s floating pavilion.“

With that he turned around sharply, leaving (not escaping!) the room, before all his courage ran out. His servants would handle the rest for now. This time, just as the last time, he didn’t turn around again to see Wei Wuxian‘s stunned and then happy expression.

Chapter Text

‚What have I done, what have I done, what have I done?!!! Why the heck did I invite Wei Wuxian to stay?! Why did I invite him to have dinner with me?!‘ - because he missed his former martial brother, it was that simple. Not like he would ever admit it, not even to himself - especially not to himself! He wasn‘t that weak!
Jiang Cheng paced up and down, overthinking. Maybe he would stomp his way through the floor, in that case he wouldn‘t have to go eating with Wei Wuxian. What if the man wouldn‘t show up at all?! That would be even more frustrating. 

Jiang Cheng sighed, tightening his fists, until the sensation of something crumpling got him out of his downwards spiral. Oh, the letter. Lan Xichen’s letter!

Another wave of stress mixed with guilt washed over Jiang Cheng, it had taken him so long to write that the Lan Sect Leader decided to take matters into his own hands.

He sat down at his desk and unfolded the letter with careful fingers, gently trying to flatten out the crumpled parts of paper again.

‚Dear Jiang Wanyin, 

I hope this letter finds you well. 

First things first, I‘d like to apologise to you for not waiting upon the arrival of your letter. 

Back when you visited me a few months ago I was very happy about your company, so when I asked you to write me I hadn‘t really considered how imposing that had been from my side. I sincerely hope you‘ll excuse that lack of manners. 

I figured you might have a hard time coming up with what you should write me, especially since we haven‘t been too close before. 

However, you don’t need to worry about it too much. I‘d be very happy about for example small updates on the cultivation world, the cooperation between our sects. It would be nice to practice social interaction in a bit of a relaxed manner, so that I can get used to correspondence again. (I already dread writing endless letters about trivial issues with Sect Leader Yao again.)

I hope life has been treating you well recently. Lan Jingyi told me that Jin Rulan has been in a lot of contact with you. Hearing that made me very relieved. 

As for myself, seclusion hasn‘t really changed. I’ve noticed that the air creeping into my humble abode has been getting a lot colder. Winter is about to arrive, it‘s not really a very uplifting weather. Hopefully it‘s still warmer in Yunmeng. 

Sorry again for my impudence, but weirdly enough my thoughts have kept on returning to you.

Best regards,

Lan Xichen

PS: I am incredibly sorry, I am very much aware of your strained relationship with Wei Wuxian. 

However, ever since he has found out that I‘d like to send a letter to you, he has been camping in front of my hut, begging me to let him deliver the letter. He said he really really wanted to meet you. In the end I had no choice but to send him out to deliver it. It’s yet another thing I hope you can forgive me.'

Jiang Cheng lowered the letter in his hands, a tiny smile on his face. Lan Xichen didn‘t seem to be mad at him, especially regarding how much he apologised. Thank goodness. 

The tumult inside Jiang Cheng’s chest had also calmed down. Weird how the other man had managed to say exactly the words the Jiang Sect Leader needed to hear. For the slightest bit of a moment Jiang Cheng was reminded of how his soulmate‘s energy was always able to calm him down. 

Also, what had Lan Xichen written about Wei Wuxian? He actually begged Lan Xichen to be allowed to come here? Well, that was new. Jiang Cheng imagined Wei Wuxian sitting in front of Lan Xichen‘s little hut for hours, begging to be sent to Lotus Pier, until the Lan Sect Leader finally gave in to save the last bit of his sanity.

Wei Wuxian really wanted to be here, not for Lotus Pier, not for the Jiang Sect, but to meet Jiang Cheng. What a ridiculous thought, but it seemed to be true. He got up, making his way out of the office towards the kitchen. Couldn‘t hurt to serve food Wei Wuxian actually liked and wouldn’t be able to eat back at Cloud Recesses due to their bland cuisine. 

When Jiang Cheng made his way out to the pavilion a few hours later he felt surprisingly calm,  was that still due to Lan Xichen‘s letter? Hopefully not that would be extremely pathetic. 

He took a deep breath, the lake was as pretty as always today‘s evening. The setting sun reflecting the light, making the water seem golden. Lotus Pier was beautiful, even though the Lotus Season had passed already. Making way for the cooler weather.

A short time later his mother’s favourite pavilion fell into his line of sight. Illuminated by purple lanterns. He halted for a short moment in surprise, because wasn‘t a lonely figure sitting in there already?

Jiang Cheng did NOT speed up to reach the pavilion faster. „Wei Wuxian. Why are you already here?“

Wei Wuxian looked up from his seemingly meditative state, however, the way he fiddled with his hands showed Jiang Cheng that serene was the last way his former martial brother felt. Lan Wangji was probably sending calming energy like a madman, maybe he couldn‘t take it anymore and would barge into Lotus Pier at some point. 

„Sect Leader Jian-“

„Oh come on, drop that Sect Leader Jiang crap.“

„Ok then - Jiang Cheng. Hello to you too. I was feeling bored, so I thought I‘d come early.“

„Yeah, right.“

Jiang Cheng wasn‘t going to add anything to that. When had Wei Wuxian ever showed up punctually out of boredom, but didn‘t that mean he wanted to be here early?

The Jiang Sect Leader sat down across Wei Wuxian. The air between them was tense, no word being uttered and Jiang Cheng tried to overhear the „thank goodness“ when the servants began bringing out food and pouring wine. 

Wei Wuxian‘s eye‘s were as big as saucers, taking in all the Yunmeng delicacies and dishes Jiang Cheng exactly knew were the other‘s favourites back in the days. 

„Jiang Cheng, that’s so much food, are there others coming as well?!“

„No, that‘s what I ordered the kitchen to cook for me a few days ago already.“

„Yeah, right.“

They fell back into silence. Jiang Cheng watched Wei Wuxian eating. The latter definitely paid attention to his manners, only taking small, careful bites, chewing slowly - which was another thing that irked Jiang Cheng to no end. Wei Wuxian was supposed to eat away happily, not walking on eggshells!

„Won‘t you stop eating like that! I‘m not sure wether the Lans brainwashed you, you cannot eat spicy anymore, or if you just hate my company, but my cooks prepared every dish with care, so pay them respect and enjoy the food properly.“

„Of course I can still eat spicy food! It’s just … we‘re in different positions right now and I‘ve crossed lines too often already. I don‘t want to be rude towards you.“

Jiang Cheng huffed, corners of his eyes softening the slightest bit. „Well, you have my permission to eat like you normally would.“ He downed his wine cup in one big gulp. It was good wine, Lotus Pier‘s best wine, wine to be savoured, but Jiang Cheng really needed a tiny bit of liquid support at the moment. Wei Wuxian did the same. 

Moments later the demonic cultivator really dug in, eating with gusto. „Nothing can beat real Yunmeng dishes!“ - Which left Jiang Cheng feeling way too satisfied. However, besides that no more words were being uttered. The silence felt uncomfortable, Jiang Cheng took another big gulp of wine. He would manage to get through this meal!

A while later the sun had set, the moon risen. The table had been cleared off any leftover food. Only Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian, wine and snacks had been left behind. It would have been a nice outing if not for the tense silence between them. Still, both of them refused to get up and leave. At least the wine had finally kicked in, leaving a nice buzz in Jiang Cheng‘s head.

They continued sitting there for a while, ten minutes, an hour? Jiang Cheng didn’t really know. The only thing he was aware of was that they had drunken away a small fortune already. He didn’t care, who would scold him? Maybe Jiang Li. An angry Jiang Li was scary, people feared Sandu Shengshou, unaware that not even a single soul of the Jiang Sect was to mess with. Especially not with the seemingly calm ones.

„-eng, Jiang Cheng!“

Jiang Cheng jumped slightly, he was so deeply lost in his musings, he hadn‘t registered Wei Wuxian speaking up. „What is it?“

„Hey … can I ask you something?“

Another swig of liquid courage. Jiang Cheng really had to stop drinking for today. „Go ahead.“

„Why?“

„Why what? I need a bit more context.“

Wei Wuxian‘s gaze wandered over the lake, the moon, before gathering all his courage to speak up again. Fast, as if he wanted to get all of it out at once, to be heard and not to be heard at the same time. „Why did you serve all of my favourite dishes today? Why are you opening up your best wine for me? Why do you let me stay in the first place?!“

Jiang Cheng stared into his wine cup, as if it was able to answer for him if he was just putting enough effort into it. 

„I was so …“ Wei Wuxian began to speak up again. „After what happened in Guanyin Temple … I was so sure you wouldn‘t want to see my face again. We‘ve failed each other quite a lot. But … but back in Cloud Recesses you said you were stewing in Lotus Pier all alone … I don‘t want that!! I still want to be part of your family! When I said we should leave everything in the past, I didn‘t mean cutting each other out of our lives … but more like a fresh start. The little family I‘ve gathered is awesome. I thought I would never be loved again, but there really are people who are willing to put up with me. However, as special as they are, they cannot replace the family I‘ve left behind. Things will never go back the way they were … but maybe we could still try. I will not force you of course!“

Jiang Cheng closed his eyes, slowly, catching up with what Wei Wuxian just had said. A new start, huh? Wasn‘t that what he actually had hoped for as well? 

„Time“

„Huh?“

„Give me time, there‘s a lot of bad blood between us. It needs time to clear it again. I cannot promise I won‘t be lashing out on you at some point. I cannot promise that I won‘t hurt you again, because I am a pathetic person, holding grudges as if my life depends on it.“

A careful smile weaselled it‘s way onto Wei Wuxian‘s face. Not the face that Jiang Cheng was used to, but a new one. How was Wei Wuxian still so much ‚Wei Wuxian‘?

„Jiang Cheng, I already consider it a miracle to be able to be talking to you like this. I am not going to test my luck. Both of us need time. Also, you are not a pathetic person, you‘re very strong.“

The Jiang Sect Leader only nodded at that. Another silence spread between them, however, this time it felt relaxed, nice. They had just reached a new milestone in their relationship, maybe things weren’t actually that bad. 

„Hey Wei Wuxian, can I ask you a question?“

The man nodded. „Of course.“

„Are you … really able to feel your soulmate‘s energy again?“

Wei Wuxian clearly hadn‘t anticipated a question like that, he still answered. „I am, actually. Please tell me if you want me to stop talking, I know it‘s a sore point. Can you remember the feeling back when you lost your soulmate?“

As if there was a way Jiang Cheng could ever forget that horrific feeling. „I can.“

„It was the worst thing about the core transfer. When I made up my mind about it I really underestimated the real impact it had on my life … your life. Losing my core was hard, losing my soulmate‘s energy way harder. It felt like the steady ground underneath my feet got pulled away like a rug. My emotions, my cultivation, everything went just wild without that anchoring feeling. I lost control. When I got reincarnated, when I felt Lan Wangji’s energy … it was like finally being able to breath again.“

Despite his better judgment Jiang Cheng downed another cup of wine. That was pretty much what he had assumed ever since learning about his … Wei Wuxian‘s core. 

„I know you are aware of it, Wei Wuxian, but I can‘t feel my soulmate‘s energy anymore either. Please consider that when I‘ll be short-tempered towards you the next time.“

Wei Wuxian‘s eyes widened and he bopped his head up and down widely. „How about we forget about everything just for this one night and have a fun time enjoying your wine? We can go back to being careful around each other again afterwards.“

The corners of Jiang Cheng’s mouth lifted slightly. There was already a pleasant buzz within him, for one night he could have a good time, right?

„Oh for fuck‘s sake.“ Jiang Cheng woke up with the worst headache he had felt in years. He was still fully clothed, lying on top of his blanket instead underneath. Why the actual hell did he agree to drink with Wei Wuxian?! Not even once had that been a good idea. 

There was a little smile on his face though - he did it, he kind of made up with Wei Wuxian. They had a long way ahead of themselves, but it was a real start nonetheless. 

„Argh“, Jiang Cheng circled the energy in his body to get rid of the horrible horrible hangover a bit faster … was making up with Wei Wuxian really worth this pain? He got out of bed and went to his little bronze mirror, looking at his own reflection, not happy with what he was seeing at all. He looked as great as he felt … and why were there ink smudges all over his face? He tried to think back but couldn‘t remember at the moment. Maybe later, when the headache was all gone. 

He made his way towards the dining hall, where Wei Wuxian was already seated, eating away happily, fresh as a daisy - and Jiang Cheng felt very much hatred towards the man for that. Jiang Li was also there, eyeing both parties suspiciously, so did the other disciples present. Jiang Cheng waved them off, not in the mood for questions.

After breakfast Wei Wuxian announced that it was time for him to get back to Gusu, but with the promise of visiting for more good food soon. Jiang Cheng wasn‘t exactly sure whether this was a good or a bad thing. 

He sent Wei Wuxian off and started with his usual daily tasks. Overseeing the disciples‘ training, meetings. (Getting half-heartedly scolded by his second-in-command for drinking too much expensive wine.) By noon he felt completely fine again, no traces of a hangover left. Unfortunately the next headache was about to come soon, as it was time for sect correspondence.

Jiang Cheng made his way into his office - and almost jumped right back out of the room again upon entering the chaos. Memories from last night flooded his mind all at once.

Wei Wuxian and him where there the night before, after emptying what felt like half of Lotus Pier’s wine supply. 

~

„Aaaaa-Cheeeeng. I really would like to know why Lan Xichen was so keen on writing you, are you friends? Since when have you been friends? Are you replacing your big brother?“

„Shut up Wei Wuxian. We aren‘t friends! He just needs someone to help him getting used to people again.“

„And you are exactly the right social butterfly for the job, hehehe.“

„Shush, sit down. I need to answer him now. It‘d be rude to make him wait even longer. I need to compose a proper answer.“

„Aaaalright. I‘ll deliver the letter immediately after going back to Lan Zhan. We have to catch up on every-daying first.“

„Urgh, quiet now!“

~

All of Jiang Cheng‘s blood left his face at once, oh god. He had sent Wei Wuxian away with the letter for Lan Xichen. The letter he had written whilst being completely shit-faced. He felt faint, oh no, so much regarding his newly found friendship. He needed to catch Wei Wuxian immediately! Maybe he could still stop him from delivering it.

Chapter Text

Lan Xichen was sitting in front of his low table, as he had been doing every day for months. He poured a cup of tea, inhaling the scent. He couldn‘t quite explain why, but he felt good today. As if some kind of weight had been lifted from his shoulders. During the past few days winter had been showing more and more of its appearance. Cold air creeping inside, sky grey and clouded. However, today the sun was shining. Actually nice weather for a walk to revel in the last bit of warmth of the year. Lan Xichen shook his head, he was feeling better today - but not good enough for going that far. He tightened the grip on this tea cup, enjoying how the warmth seeped into each of his knuckles. This had to be enough for now. 

He closed his eyes in a not yet meditative state, but a very relaxed one. He would meditate later, would grieve his soulmate‘s loss later. A knock startled him out of it. 

„It‘s me, Wei Wuxian. I‘ve returned from Lotus Pier!“

Lan Xichen perked up at that, scolding himself for the weird excitement he felt. 

„Hello Wei Wuxian, I hope your journey was successful.“

„You could definitely say that! Thank you again for letting me go, you gave me the opportunity to make up with Jiang Cheng … and I was able to make use of it! We are both trying to reconcile, isn‘t that awesome?!“

The Lan Sect Leader smiled, Jiang Wanyin was probably very happy about it - in his own grumpy way of course. A weird ugly feeling took hold of his chest, jealousy, Lan Xichen noticed. Completely unfounded jealousy, what was wrong with him now?

Wei Wuxian continued speaking, completely unaware of Lan Xichen‘s inner conflict.

„Either way, I haven‘t just come here to tell you that. Jiang Cheng has actually given me a letter for you. I‘ll be placing it in front of your door, alright?“

The ugly feeling subsided immediately. „Thank you very much, Wei Wuxian. I assume you‘ll be going back to Wangji now? Please send him my regards.“

„Yes!! Just a slight warning, Jiang Cheng might be very honest in this letter … not that he normally isn’t honest, but let‘s say … he didn‘t pay too much attention to the polite wording in it.“

With that Wei Wuxian took off, leaving a confused Lan Xichen behind. What did Wei Wuxian mean by that? Lan Xichen stood up quickly, he would find out. 

He hurried to the door, opening it up with just a bit too much impatient force, picking up the letter. Opening it up whilst going back to the low table. His eyes widened a bit upon seeing it. 

Jiang Wanyin‘s usually impeccable writing was just a tad bit off, some of it smudged. There even were ink stains on the paper. 

‚Dear Lan Xichen,

thank you very much for taking the initiative in writing me. It‘s not like I didn‘t want to send you a letter, your request hadn‘t been imposing at all - I just really have no fucking clue what to write about. 

The past few months have been pretty calm. Nothing I could really tell you about. Looking back it has almost been a bit boring, which is nice I guess? 

A-Ling has really been in regular contact with me. The brat probably feels sorry for previously neglecting his old uncle, so he takes time out of his busy schedule, which is also nice.

It‘s getting colder here too. Thank goodness I don’t have to spend the whole winter in Cloud Recesses though, because I couldn‘t deal with all of that frost and snow. (Sorry, but I‘d actually freeze my ass off!)

I‘d honestly like to be mad at you for siccing Wei Wuxian on me, but we kind of made up - which is something I would never have expected. So I should probably thank you for that instead. If he annoys you, you can send him to Lotus Pier from time to time (don‘t overdo it though!). Having him over too often would seriously deplete our wine stock.

I hope this doesn’t sound weird, but me being able to at least somewhat talk to Wei Wuxian, it‘s due to your letter. Don‘t ask me why, but it calmed me down. It reminded me a bit of my soulmate. Which was a welcome surprise, as it‘s been years since I last felt their energy and I miss them a lot.

So again, thank you.

Best regards,

Jiang Wanyin‘

Lan Xichen stared at the letter, corners of his mouth lifting. This really wasn‘t the usual curt but polite sect correspondence he would normally receive from the other Sect Leader, but pretty much how Jiang Wanyin would talk in person. He scanned over each line again. Getting stuck at the last bit. His letter reminded Jiang Wanyin of his soulmate? Had the man lost his soulmate as well?

Several knocks on the entrance door got Lan Xichen out of his musings. Even more very impatient sounding knocks, who would be impolite enough to do that? Was there an emergency?

„Lan Xichen?! Are you there?! It‘s me, Jiang Wanyin!!“

Jiang Wanyin? Lan Xichen got up quickly and made his way to the door, opening it up. Standing face to face with the younger man. The Jiang Sect Leader looked rather … rough? Hair ruffled, clothes wrinkled. He seemed out of breath as well. 

„Hello Jia-“

„Have you read it already?!“

„What?“ Lan Xichen was genuinely confused, which seemed to calm the other man down. 

„Do you mean the letter? I‘ve just finished reading it.“ 

All calm was gone again. Jiang Wanyin let out a string of curses underneath his breath, as well as something that sounded suspiciously like „Goddammit, so I flew here like a maniac for naught.“

„Is there an issue with it, Jiang Wanyin?“

Said man worried his bottom lip for a moment, seemingly at loss at what to say. Lan Xichen couldn‘t help staring at that plump lip for a moment.

„Yesterday I talked to Wei Wuxian … as you are probably aware of by now. I might have used some liquid courage to do so. However, I should have known better that drinking with that idiot has always ended up in some kind of trouble. The letter, I wrote it without a clear mind. So I don‘t know if it might have come across as inappropriate. If that’s the case I want to sincerely apologize to you.“

Lan Xichen looked at the other and couldn‘t help but laugh. Jiang Wanyin stared up at him with big eyes.

„Don‘t worry, it wasn‘t inappropriate at all, it just felt very much like the way you‘d talk in person.“ Jiang Wanyin exhaled, obviously relieved about hearing that. Which was somehow endearing. 

„That’s good then. Still, I‘m sorry for my rudeness. Also for showing up unannounced… and disturbing your seclusion … again.“

„Don‘t worry about it, Jiang Wanyin. I was just about to pour another cup of tea for myself, would you like to join me? And before you worry about it, it wouldn‘t be rude, I‘d be happy to talk to you.“ 

After already being here the younger didn’t seem to have a reason to deny the invitation. So he accepted and followed Lan Xichen inside. 

„You may take a seat at the low table. Same as the last time, please excuse the mess in here.“

Jiang Wanyin marched over to the table and sat down at the exact same spot as the last time. Scanning the room. „Oh, it‘s better than the first time I visited, were you able to put some things away?“ The younger sect leader covered his mouth up quickly, the comment was out of place and he seemed to be very aware of it. Though Lan Xichen didn’t really mind, he was actually proud of himself for being able to make some mental progress, even if he moved in baby steps. „I actually did. Unfortunately there is still a lot of chaos left.“ - inside out actually, but some things could be understood without saying them out loud. 

„That’s good then.“ 

When Lan Xichen returned to the table he caught Jiang Wanyin eyeing the letter. 

„May I ask you an inappropriate question?“ The other man looked up at the Lan Sect Leader. 

„Go ahead.“

„Your soulmate, you wrote that you miss them a lot … are they … gone?“

Jiang Wanyin‘s usually expressive face turned unreadable for a moment and Lan Xichen feared that he overstepped a boundary after all. Soulmates were something very intimate.

It took a moment, but the younger man seemed to come to a conclusion. He returned Lan Xichen‘s gaze and spoke up. „I‘ve lost the connection to my soulmate a long time ago.“ Looking at Jiang Wanyin it was very much apparent that there was a story behind it, one that their new relationship wasn‘t close enough for yet.

„I‘ve lost my soulmate as well, I haven‘t known them in person, but their energy was extremely important to me. I‘m still grieving their loss. Have you … have you gotten over it?“

That was as much as Lan Xichen had ever admitted to anyone outside his family, Jin Guangyao and Nie Mingjue. Jiang Wanyin looked at him for a long time. „I think I might be the worst person to ask how to get over grieving, not just regarding my soulmate. Though I‘ve only lost the connection, I like to convince myself into thinking that they are still somewhere out there, living a good life.“

„I hope your soulmate is alright then. They are probably crushed about losing you as well.“

Jiang Wanyin snorted at that, it wasn‘t a kind snort. Rather a self-deprecating one. „They had a very gentle energy, they deserve someone better than me. Someone who makes them happy without having to deal with all the emotional baggage I come with.“

Lan Xichen shook his head. „Don’t be like that. I know that not every soulmate story turns into a fairytale, I‘ve seen that with my own parents … however, soulmates still yearn for each other. Also, who says they don‘t have some flaws themselves.“

„Oi, are you implying my soulmate isn‘t perfect?!“ Lan Xichen looked at the other man with wide eyes, it surely wasn‘t his intention to talk badly about Jiang Wanyin‘s soulmate! However, a smile appeared on the younger‘s sharp features, which immediately put the Lan Sect Leader at ease. 

„I was just joking, Lan Xichen. Don‘t think too much about the shit I say, okay?“

Lan Xichen nodded. They moved on to a lighter topic afterwards, not in the mood for a heavy conversation anymore. Time went by quickly and five pots of tea later Jiang Wanyin took his leave.

Lan Xichen, however, stayed seated. Thoughts returning to Jiang Wanyin’s soulmate. What did the man mean by losing one’s soulmate connection? That would be other words for losing one’s core, right? He shook his head, it wasn’t his place to pry. 

Jiang Wanyin acted as if his soulmate was better off without him, didn‘t the man know how much it hurt the other party to lose their special person? Lan Xichen would give up everything for the tiniest bit of his soulmate, to just feel their connection one more time. 

-

Winter arrived without any mercy. As much as Lan Xichen liked to say otherwise, deep down he had to admit, whilst the snow and ice made Cloud Recesses look ethereal - he really could do without the freezing cold temperatures, especially since his seclusion had not allowed him stepping outside to enjoy the view. The only thing left for him was the cold. In the iciest moments he had to think of Jiang Wanyin‘s letter. He could see why the man said he would freeze his ass off. It made Lan Xichen smile. 

Especially since there had been several letters arriving since then. Lan Xichen had not minded the Jiang Sect Leader’s honest, blunt choice of words in the first letter, so Jiang Wanyin took it as an unspoken permission to write every following letter in the same manner. To be honest, it was nice, refreshing even.

As dumb as it sounded, each letter he received had lightened up his dark winter days. Well, at least partially, because each letter they exchanged reminded the Lan Sect Leader of his inner demons, of how he excluded Jiang Wanyin the years before. It was another sin he had to shoulder. On bad days he couldn‘t help but wallow in his darkest, ugliest self-doubts, couldn’t help blaming himself for everything he had ever done wrong. On good days he hoped to be able to apologise soon. Would Jiang Wanyin accept his apologies though?

Often confined to his quarters due to heavy snowfalls, winter had always been the time Lan Xichen mourned the people he had lost the most. Good thing he had still kept his sect work to a minimum, because this winter he had to grieve for even more people, this year he had to atone for even more sins. However, as bad as he tried to hate himself with all his might, as bad as he tried to see himself as the ugly monster he really was, as bad as he tried to mourn his lost soulmate even more than usual - he couldn’t. He tried to feel as bad as he did a few months ago, but he couldn‘t. This was a positive thing, right? A good thing which meant he was actually healing. Instead it made him really mad at himself. 

Was he really so shallow to get over everything so soon? He had not gotten over it - it just had gotten easier. 

Did he even have a right to stay in seclusion if he didn‘t feel like a piece of shit each second he spent awake? The seclusion was precisely there to get better, not worse. 

Whenever Lan Xichen felt the most conflicted he tried to distract himself from his own darkness. Months ago he would have meditated to feel that long frizzled out connection to his soulmate. Nowadays he grabbed one of Jiang Wanyin‘s letters, laughed about the younger complaining about Wei Wuxian‘s latest unannounced visit, felt more guilty for letting his own ghosts down, felt more guilty for using the younger to cheer himself up. It would not be good to depend on yet another person. People weren‘t good for him, he trusted way too easily. He would get betrayed again eventually, wouldn‘t he? But he couldn‘t help it, the way Jiang Wanyin spoke was so refreshing, so direct, so comforting, as if he was steadily pulled underneath gentle waters, which he knew he wouldn’t be able to escape from easily - if at all. 

-

Jiang Cheng staggered into his study, bone deep tiredness surrounding him like a loyal companion. Honestly, if there was one thing that had never let him down, it would be tiredness. He really should fix his sleep schedule at some point in the future. He wasn‘t the leader of a barely surviving sect anymore, the Jiangs were stronger than ever, he could allow himself the luxury of getting enough sleep … well, at least under normal circumstances. The last few weeks had brought unusually heavy rainfalls with them. So the Jiang Sect barely got a breather between helping the Yunmeng villages to prepare for flooding, evacuate commoners and fighting off water spirits. Flooding in the last bits of winter had never been something unusual, but this year felt more extreme than the previous ones. 

Jiang Cheng stared at his sect correspondence for a long time, contemplating to just let it stay there and rot away for good … or burn it. He had sent out his most capable and trusted disciples to the areas with the worst flooding. On the one hand that was a good idea as he knew he could trust them on handling it best, on the other hand he had no one to help him with his sect correspondence. 

He sat down with a groan. Well, more fun left for him. Which one should he start with? He reached into the pile of letters, blindly choosing the first one. ‚Yao Sect‘ - maybe he should just stuff the letter back into the pile? Of course he wouldn’t do that, even though the idea was actually tempting. Another few letters later he pulled one with the Jin Sect‘s seal out, Jin Ling! Jiang Cheng placed it underneath the stack, with something to motivate him, answering the remaining correspondence would definitely get easier. Another few letters later he spotted the Lan Sect‘s seal - he placed it right below Jin Ling‘s letter. Now he definitely was excited to get his actual work done quicker. 

It was embarrassing how dependent Jiang Cheng had recently become of these people! Infuriating! Bad for his abandonment issues, but Jiang Cheng couldn’t help it. He was happy for having them humouring him. Jin Ling had been his sunshine for the longest time. Though Lan Xichen becoming part of his very very small circle was still mind-blowing to Jiang Cheng.

He sped up his work and was soon rewarded with his nephew‘s usual whining and bragging about little successes, something Jiang Cheng felt so so grateful about. Lan Xichen‘s letter came next.

‚Dear Jiang Wanyin,

How have you been doing? 

I‘ve heard that there has been a lot of flooding going on in Yunmeng recently. I guess you‘re out and about almost all day long, most likely taking way less breaks than you should. 

Please make sure to take rests in between! I know you can run on pure willpower, but please don‘t overdo it. Wei Wuxian and a small Lan delegation are on their way to Lotus Pier to assist you. If there is anything we can do, please don‘t hesitate to let me know. 

As for myself. The winter months gave me a lot of time to continue healing. I fear that I‘ll never be able to be my former self again, maybe that isn‘t necessarily a bad thing. Being completely healed should not be my goal, as it is unreachable, but I feel like I‘m ready to at least leave seclusion.

This is a decision that hasn’t come easy to me, I‘m honestly scared. Hopefully I can still count on your support, as it has been incredibly important to me lately.

I‘ve already moved back into the Hanshi, which has been a bigger transition than it should have been to me.

The first thing I will do after leaving seclusion is to travel to Qinghe, Nie Huaisang deserves my deepest apologies. 

Please wish me luck. 

Kind regards, 

Lan Xichen‘

Jiang Cheng let the letter in his hands sink down slowly, they had been exchanging a lot of correspondence, Lan Xichen had talked about leaving seclusion before, but all of it was just talk. Reading that Lan Xichen really was willing to actually take that step was great news, happy news. Still, an unwelcome fear spread inside Jiang Cheng, was Lan Xichen leaving him behind, now that there were other people to talk to again?

The first sun rays of the day shone through the window, dancing on Jiang Cheng’s cold skin, lightening up the winter night. 

No, Lan Xichen wasn‘t that kind of person.

‚Dear Lan Xichen,

Thank you very much for your concerns. I won’t lie to you, breaks have been rare recently, but the weather seems to finally get better now. All in all the situation hasn‘t been nice, but the Jiang Sect has been well prepared, so the damage has been kept to a minimum.

True to your words the Lan delegation had arrived shortly after your notice - you told me it would be small, I‘d like to argue with that. 

We are incredibly thankful for your help and would like to invite each of the helpers to a little celebration in summer. The invitations will be sent out once we‘ve found a good date. 

Being completely healed is bullshit, we can’t make our drama unhappen, but we can try to move on, focus on try, as it isn‘t always easy. 

Of course you can continue to count on my support and incredibly wise advice whenever needed. 

Going to Nie Huaisang is a huge (and dare I say brave) step, I wish you all good luck for it. 

You can do it.

Best regards, 

Jiang Wanyin’

Chapter Text

Lan Xichen watched the sun rise from his bed. Eyes red, as he had not even caught a wink of sleep tonight. Today was a big day for the Lan Sect, today a big banquet would be held. A banquet celebrating Zewu-Jun fully taking over his position as a sect leader again. Truthfully, even thinking about it made Lan Xichen’s stomach churn.

He barely felt ready to exit seclusion, much less to face big crowds. However, when Lan Qiren heard of Lan Xichen‘s decision to return, the former had been so excited, immediately starting to organise the event. Lan Xichen simply hadn’t had the heart to tell his uncle to please please please stop.

Lan Xichen closed his eyes, he would not fall asleep anymore and even if he would - the morning gong would ring soon. Eventually he decided to get up to get ready.

His best robes had already been laid out the night before, he eyed them in pure disdain, way too aware that they would not fit as well as they used to anymore. Yes, he had been rebuilding his body the past few weeks, but there was still a stark difference to how he used to look. He would have to wear even more layers to pad his appearance up a bit. ‚God thing I‘m not leaving seclusion in summer, I would perish in the heat‘, Lan Xichen couldn‘t help but grumble, not even surprised about his own snark. The elaborate headpiece right next to the robes soured his mood even further, as he could already feel a headache incoming. 

Lan Xichen shook his head. He was doing this for Lan Qiren, for his sect, for himself. He had to stop acting as if today would be hell -

- today was pure hell, Lan Xichen decided. The muscles in his face had started to feel stiff from fake smiling ages ago, it would definitely take some time to get used to it again. Lan Xichen could not even remember how many different sect leaders he had greeted already. How much small talk he had held. At least his uncle was always right by his side, anchoring Lan Xichen and also making sure conversations didn‘t head in the wrong direction - which Lan Xichen appreciated immensely. 

The first real smile of the day was reserved for the Jiang delegation. Unfortunately, Lan Xichen could not stay back to talk to Jiang Wanyin, as the next sect arrived shortly after. But seeing the man put the Lan Sect Leader weirdly at ease. Jiang Wanyin looked good - he always did, but Lan Xichen was pretty sure the other was also wearing especially nice robes today. Hair not tied back in the usual severe bun, but in a half up-do. Long shiny hair falling down to his tiny waist. 

All eyes should be on Jiang Wanyin, not on him. Jiang Wanyin was gorgeous, but instead people decided to stare holes into Lan Xichen‘s back, making him acutely aware of how miserable he looked in comparison.

There also was that constant buzz of gossiping following him around like an angry hive of wasps. 

By the time everyone found themselves ready to eat, Lan Xichen had long drained his social batteries to the max. Never had he been more grateful about the ‚no talking whilst eating‘ rule.

His gaze wandered around the crowd, until he found the purple dressed sect leader. Jiang Wanyin had been seated right next to Jin Ling. A small smile formed on Lan Xichen‘s face as he watched Jin Ling sneak a piece of vegetable he seemed to not like right into Jiang Wanyin‘s bowl. The latter did not speak up, but shot Jin Ling a look of pure betrayal, the Jiang Sect Leader apparently did not enjoy it either. Thank goodness these two were on good terms again. 

After food the guests were free to mingle. At that point Lan Xichen decided that his duty had been more than fulfilled. He excused himself, making his way towards the Hanshi as quickly as it was still deemed appropriate. The evening breeze felt nice, the quietness even nicer. 

„So that’s how it is.“ Lan Xichen jumped slightly, too focused on escaping as fast as possible, he had not paid attention to his surroundings. He turned around, „Jiang Wanyin!“

„You had such great time talking to all the sect leaders, so now you‘re ditching me already?“

The corners of his mouth lifted slightly. „I had so much fun talking, I feel like going straight back into seclusion.“

The smirk on Jiang Wanyin‘s face diminished immediately, worry taking over. „I‘m sorry. Are you alright?“

„Mn, just tired. Would you like to accompany me for a cup of tea? It would be nice to talk to someone who‘s not immediately going to gossip about me right behind my back.“

Jiang Wanyin frowned. „Don‘t worry too much. People are whispering now, sure. But they aren’t as rude as you think … at least not towards you. They will keep on talking for a little longer, but it will die down soon … oh and yes, I would like some tea.“

They fell into step right next to each other, comfortable silence between them. Once arrived, Lan Xichen pointed his low table out for Jiang Wanyin to sit at. He felt weirdly nostalgic about the man taking almost the exact place he had taken back when Lan Xichen was still living in seclusion. 

Tea was soon served, both of them basking in the silence just a bit longer. At some point Jiang Wanyin still decided to speak up. „So how have you been?“ Lan Xichen took another small sip of his tea, gathering his thoughts. „Do you want the honest or the nice answer?“

Jiang Wanyin looked at him unimpressed. „What do you think?“

„It’s been exhausting. Moving back here was exhausting. Facing my own sect has been exhausting. Facing other sects has been more than exhausting.“

The Jiang Sect Leader nodded. „I was honestly surprised when you told me you would leave your seclusion. Don‘t take offence in my bluntness, but I thought you would stay secluded for a lot longer.“

Lan Xichen shifted a bit, searching for the right words, because truthfully, he had assumed the same thing. „So did I … but it‘s not a lie, I‘ve been feeling a lot better recently. My actual plans were to stay in seclusion at least until summer though … but let‘s say, I received a sign.“

Jiang Wanyin raised one of his perfectly trimmed eyebrows. „A sign?“

„Yes, it might sound a bit … crazy though“, was this something he felt comfortable enough sharing with Jiang Wanyin? He actually did, so he continued speaking. „My soulmate, you know that they are dead, right?“ The other man nodded affirmatively. „Whenever I fall into a deep state of meditation I am able to go to a place that kind of feels like them. It‘s soothing, it‘s very important to me. However, ever since Guanyin Temple the place had changed into a, let‘s say dark form of its former self. The day I decided to leave seclusion I asked myself ‚how long do I actually want to stay secluded?‘ - I meditated and low and behold, I was able to enter the original form of this important place again. Call me superstitious, but I took it as a sign that my soulmate wanted me to face the outside world again that I was healed enough.“

Lan Xichen grabbed the tea cup tighter, scared that Jiang Wanyin would judge him for holding on to signs like this. However, the latter smiled. „I think that’s a good sign. Doesn‘t it mean that you are enough at peace with yourself that you are able to see the things that make you happy again?“

Lan Xichen’s eyes widened, he dropped the tea cup. Jiang Wanyin was on his feet immediately, fussing over the former to see, whether tea had been spilled or the cup broken. Thankfully it had been emptied already and had survived the fall. 

„Are you alright?“

„Y-yes. Thank you, I‘m sorry. It‘s just, I‘ve never seen it like that.“ He added in a small voice. „Do you think it‘s ok?“

„What do I think is ok?“

„Do you think it is ok for me to see the things that make me happy again, to enjoy them? I‘m not really sure whether I deserve that.“

Jiang Wanyin bristled at that. „Of course I think this is ok! You deserve to be happy. I know that we have not been too close before, but right from the start I’ve thought it was odd that you've tried to shoulder all of the blame yourself. You know what, I trusted Jin Guangyao enough to let my nephew, my only family, stay with him. I was just as blind as you were, because Jin Guangyao was good at what he did.“

A tear ran down Lan Xichen‘s face, he had not been prepared for a talk like this at all. „But you‘ve never been as close to him as I was!“

Jiang Wanyin shook his head. „And? We were close enough. I fell for his tricks, so did almost each and every other sect leader out there. Lan Xichen, stop blaming yourself. You trusted in a friend that had never given you any reason to not trust!“

„But if I had seen it, Da-ge would still be alive!!!“ Lan Xichen panted, he had started screaming without even noticing it. A sob escaped him before he started full-on bawling. Today was truly too much. 

„Maybe he would be, but maybe you would be dead as well.“ Jiang Wanyin‘s voice had gotten closer. Suddenly Lan Xichen felt himself getting surrounded by strong arms, his back getting patted soothingly. „I am incredibly bad at consoling people, you know? So you have to deal with awkward me for now.“

Lan Xichen held onto Jiang Wanyin‘s robes as if the latter was his personal lifeline, dignity long thrown overboard. Jiang Wanyin was safe, like gentle waters. 

„You are so kind to me, Wanyin … but you should actually feel disgusted about me.“

„Why should I feel disgusted about you, I‘ve told you already that I don‘t think you should be blamed for Jin Guangyao‘s sins.“

Lan Xichen couldn‘t control himself anymore, everything broke free at once. „It‘s not just that! You said that we weren‘t close before, right?! IT‘S ALL BECAUSE OF ME!! IT‘S BECAUSE I TRIED TO AVOID YOU!!“ The petting on Lan Xichen‘s back stopped for a moment, before Jiang Wanyin continued, as if Lan Xichen had not just revealed his darkest demons. 

Jiang Wanyin spoke up in a surprisingly calm voice. „And why is that?“

„I tried to avoid you because of my soulmate. I‘ve lost them around the same time your sect got attacked by the Wens. Their energy always reminded me so much of water, I figured they might have been part of the Jiang Sect. I was so devastated about losing them, I couldn‘t bear seeing you survive whilst my soulmate didn‘t. I‘ve known right from the beginning that you aren‘t to blame at all, I‘ve known right from the beginning that you‘ve lost so much more, how unfair I‘ve acted towards you, but I couldn‘t help it. I am the worst, nothing but scum that brings people misery-“

„Stop it.“ 

Lan Xichen snapped his mouth shut audibly at the command. 

„Lan Xichen. A support system would have been nice back when my sect was down and I honestly felt hurt for getting excluded. However, no one knows better than me how hurt and anger can wipe out all your rational thinking. Trust me, I‘ve done much worse. Have you been blaming yourself all these years?“

The Lan Sect Leader nodded weakly. 

„Then stop it. I don‘t know whether it helps you, but I forgive you. This might sound lame, but I‘ve been enjoying your company, I‘d be happy to keep in contact without hard feelings.“

Another wet sob escaped Lan Xichen, but he nodded. „That would be nice, I’ve been enjoying your company a lot as well. Thank you.“

A little while later they were back at their original seats. Sipping tea awkwardly.

It was Jiang Wanyin who eventually broke the silence again. „You know, I‘ve been having a lot of heartfelt conversations lately, I do not particularly enjoy them, they feel out of character for me. So I hope you haven‘t bottled up anything else - if you do spit it out right now and then we‘ll never speak about it again, ok?“

Lan Xichen laughed out loud, his voice still a bit raw from crying so much, but he felt incredibly light, as if a huge load had been taken off his shoulders. 

„I don‘t think so. Oh, I have one more thing bottled up - the robes you are wearing today suit you very well.“

Whatever Jiang Wanyin had expected, it truly wasn‘t that, his face turning a lovely shade of red, it made Lan Xichen laugh even more. Honestly, he felt beyond exhausted, today had been so much, too much. Still, he felt better than he had in a long long time.

„Laugh all you want, you‘re just jealous of how snatched I look.“

„Oh no, you got me. Wait till I gain my muscles back … and also sleep properly, then it‘ll be over for you! Maybe.“

Jiang Wanyin harrumphed, but there was still a smile on his face and the lovely blush hadn‘t quite subsidised.

„By the way, have you paid a visit to Nie Huaisang already?“

For a moment Lan Xichen was a bit surprised about the sudden change of topic, but answered dutifully. „Yes, I visited him last week.“

„How did it go?“

„Good, I think. I feared he wouldn’t even let me inside, but Nie Huaisang received me immediately. When I began bowing down to convey my deepest apologies, he told me to get up and that I‘ve repented enough. He said he‘d prefer being on friendly terms with me. I agreed with that sentiment.“

Jiang Wanyin nodded, apparently in deep thoughts. „I think you showing up grovelling was important to him. So you did a good job. Actually, I do think that you did very well today as well. You paved yourself a great path for reentering the cultivation world.“

„Thank you, you‘ve helped me greatly.I don’t think I would have been able to do it without you.“ - and Lan Xichen meant it, he didn‘t know whether he would have been able to leave seclusion as early if it hadn‘t been for the Jiang Sect Leader‘s constant support.

„Nonsense, you did that all on your own.“

A bell began tolling outside. Both of them looked up, was it already nine o‘clock? Lan Xichen couldn‘t suppress a big yawn.

Jiang Wanyin began to rise from his seat. „Seriously, whenever I go talking to you the time passes so fast. You look very tired, I think it‘s a good time for me to leave.“

Lan Xichen nodded, now acutely aware of his exhaustion. He felt regretful about letting Jiang Wanyin leave nonetheless. He accompanied the latter outside, to send him off.

When Lan Xichen found himself in his bed a short while later he slipped into a peaceful sleep in no time, dreaming of peaceful waters.

Chapter Text

Jiang Cheng marched up and down the planks in front of his private quarters. Ever since his last visit to Cloud Recesses he had been feeling confused. One moment they had a normal conversation, the other Lan Xichen was holding on to him for dear life, bearing his heart open to Jiang Cheng. 
And Jiang Cheng … Jiang Cheng felt the weirdest need to soothe the other man. Which was ridiculous, because Jiang Cheng was absolutely not the right guy for talking about feelings, much less consoling others. At least it seemed like was able to say the right things to Lan Xichen, as the other eventually calmed down.

Jiang Cheng‘s gaze wandered over the fast lakes of Lotus Pier, his beautiful beloved home. Lan Xichen thought that his soulmate was part of the Jiang Sect. Jiang Cheng tried to remember all the faces of his late peers. Something he usually avoided doing, as it brought back the memories he tried so hard to forget. Speaking of avoiding - so Lan Xichen deliberately tried to avoid Jiang Cheng. In hindsight it made sense, but if someone else but the Lan Sect Leader himself would have said that, Jiang Cheng would not have believed it. However, he could not muster up big feelings about it, neither anger nor hurt. He was way too aware how losing one’s soulmate could affect one.

Lan Xichen seemed so relieved after confessing everything. Jiang Cheng supposed their talk must have been good for the other sect leader. Weirdly enough seeing a happy Lan Xichen lifted Jiang Cheng‘s mood as well - and that was the part that confused Jiang Cheng so much. Why was he so affected by Lan Xichen‘s mood? It made absolutely no sense. Why did he want the other to be happy in the first place? Because they were friends? But this felt different from the other people he considered close … or at least closer. And then there was also the weird way he reacted towards Lan Xichen complimenting his outfit. Hell, Jiang Cheng full on blushed!! Like a maiden!!! He ruffled his own hair in mortification. Why did he wear his best robes for the event in the first place?!

Oh god, Jiang Cheng came to an abrupt halt. Why the fuck did he make sure to look extra good?! Don‘t get him wrong, he was always dressed properly - his mom had drilled that into his head from a young age. However, Jiang Cheng wore these fancy robes not in order to dress properly or for the occasion, but to look good. Why did he want to look good, surely not to impress Lan Qiren or one of the other sect leaders. The blood left Jiang Cheng‘s face - he wanted to look good for Lan Xichen. Friends did not do that, did they? He took a few steps back, shocked from his own thought process. People in love did that. 

Jiang Cheng in love with Lan Xichen? Bullshit! Yes, he wanted Lan Xichen to be happy. Yes, he enjoyed talking to the other immensely. Yes, he did get excited whenever he received a letter from the other man. Jiang Cheng would also admit that Lan Xichen was incredibly handsome - but that was common knowledge, right?! Hugging Lan Xichen did feel like coming home - wait, no no no! This was not alright at all. Jiang Cheng could definitely NOT be in love with the older jade, both of them had soulmates to mourn! Lan Xichen deserved so much better! It would be best to pack these unnecessary feelings up in a box and never face them again, Jiang Cheng had done this often enough before, he was good at it - a master actually.

„Uncle? Are you here?“

Jiang Cheng turned around, looking very much like the maniac people often referred to him. Jin Ling looked surprised for a moment, didn‘t stop his approach though. 

„What’s up, uncle? Why are you out here in the middle of the day? I‘m not used to find you in your private quarters at daytime … and don‘t get mad, but you look … crazy.“

Jiang Cheng shook his head in order to clear his thoughts, Jin Ling was here, thank goodness, he really needed someone to distract him from these disastrous feelings. 

„A-Ling? What are you doing here? I can‘t remember you announcing a visit?“

„I had some sect business near the borders and thought I‘d treat myself with a visit to Lotus Pier. It‘s been forever since I had time come here. So what‘s up with you? Your hair is sticking out from your bun at all sides.“

When had Jin Ling become so brave (bold)? Though Jiang Cheng was more than happy to have his nephew here, so he wouldn‘t complain. „Particularly frustrating sect correspondence.“

Jin Ling nodded, on another level of understanding ever since having to deal with the annoying correspondence himself. Jiang Cheng felt a tinge of guilt for lying to his nephew like that, but there was no way in hell he would tell Jin Ling that he was dealing with an unwanted crush on no one else but the number one eligible bachelor. Which of course definitely wasn‘t a crush. Nope, not at all!

Both Jiang and Jin Sect Leader found themselves at Jiang Cheng‘s favourite floating pavilion a short while later, tea and snacks in front of them. Jin Ling munched away on sweat treats happily, talking about this and that. Jiang Cheng watched his nephew fondly, he would pay the kitchen a visit later on in order to tell them to prepare lots of Yunmeng snacks for Jin Ling to bring home. Knowing them they had probably started preparing them by now anyway. It was undeniable that Jin Ling was very much loved by Jiang Cheng‘s staff and also disciples.

„By the way uncle, I actually am here with some official sect business.“

Jiang Cheng stiffened a bit at that, not in the mood for work. „What business?“

„Don‘t worry, it‘s not that bad. A few members of the Jin Sect, including me, are going on a joined night hunt with the Gusu Lan Sect … more precisely Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji, some juniors and Zewu-Jun. Since you and Wei Wuxian are on better terms now I thought it would be really nice if you would come along as well.“

Lan Xichen would come to a night hunt? Was he ready for that again? No! That was besides the point! Maybe it would be better for Jiang Cheng to not tag along.

„I‘m not really sure if they would be happy to have me there … Hanguang-Jun for sure not.“

Jin Ling stuffed another pastry in his mouth, chewing. „Wei Wuxian … is all excited … about you being there.“

„Manners, a-Ling, swallow your food down first before talking to your elders.“ Jiang Cheng ignored the eye-roll he received pointedly and mentally bid his excuse to not come along goodbye. Who was he kidding, he would have come anyway, when had he ever cared about Hanguang-Jun?

Jin Ling spoke up again. „Either way, the details are in here, I look forward to seeing you.“ The boy handed Jiang Cheng the invitation. Jiang Cheng received it without further protest, because he was secretly pleased about getting invited and Jin Ling - the brat - was most likely aware of it.

The night hunt was set for one month onwards. One month for Jiang Cheng to think (panic) about how to best ignore his crush.

One month that went by unbelievably quick.

It was a warm spring evening, ideal weather conditions. Jin Ling had informed Jiang Cheng a week prior about the exact case they would be dealing with. 

The night hunt was taking place near a small village in the outskirts of Lanling. Apparently several villagers had gone missing recently. Each time the missing person had walked into the forrest to cut some wood, hunt, search for herbs - as they had been doing for years. The villagers were able to put one and one together, something was wrong with the forrest. The same forrest that had been one of the most important factors to ensure the villager‘s livelihood for ages. The villagers were very much dependent on that forrest. So a group of their bravest men gathered to inspect what was actually going on. Fifteen men went into the forrest, two of them made it out. Spooked. They went to the Jin Sect to plead for help the very next day.

„The forrest, it is full of webs, sticky webs, once you touch them - and be it just your pinky - you‘re stuck. We had knifes with us, but the webs were unbreakable, as if made of steel. The more our friends struggled to free themselves, the more they got stuck. At some point it appeared … a giant spider, bigger than a cow, with eight glowing red eyes. At that moment we all just ran, in the end only two of us made it out of the forrest again.“

Jiang Cheng nodded along with the villager’s report. Jin Ling had done a good job informing the participants prior. The Jiang Sect delegation was made up of ten skilled disciples plus one grumpy Sect Leader. Same number of people from the Jin and Lan Sect.

They had to be careful to not touch the spider webs themselves, other than that they did not expect this night hunt to get too difficult.

„Jiang Wanyin.“ Said man jumped slightly, still engrossed in the villager’s report. He turned towards the gentle voice. „Lan Xichen, how have you been?“

Lan Xichen smiled, way brighter than months before, it pulled uncomfortably on Jiang Cheng‘s heartstrings, stupid good looking bastard. „I‘ve actually been doing pretty well. Honestly.“

Jiang Cheng nodded as if it didn‘t make him happy, because Lan Xichen REALLY looked better. 

„I sure do hope so. Otherwise I would get very mad about you already attending night hunts again. Hopefully you are aware of that.“ The Lan Sect Leader laughed at that, a bright laugh, a beautiful sound, like music. Ok, Jiang Cheng URGENTLY had to do something about that stupid crush of his, because his expertise in lovey-dovey feelings was very limited.

Jiang Cheng looked to the side, willing down a blush, when he noticed each and every person of their group staring at Lan Xichen and him as if both of them had grown a third head. Irritation was taking over, good, irritation was good, Jiang Cheng was at least used to that. „What?!“

Wei Wuxian‘s face twisted into a knowing grin which did not bode well at all. „a-Cheng, Lan-dage, when have the two of you gotten so close?“

„We aren‘t cl-“, „Jiang Wanyin has helped me immensely getting out of seclusion. I‘m deeply grateful for his steady support.“ So much regarding willing down his blush. Jiang Cheng turned away. „Don‘t give me that look, Wei Wuxian! Either way, we do actually have important matters to focus on, don‘t we?!“

A short while later the group of cultivators made their way into the forrest. Their plan was pretty simple. Find the big spider, eliminate it, search for potential survivors.

The first few metres in, the forrest still looked quite normal, but it did not take long for the spider webs to appear. Wei Wuxian inspected them, they looked like regular spider webs at first glance. However, this was not a normal spider and everyone was aware of it. He picked a branch up from the ground and poked at the fine threads. The branch got stuck immediately, pulling it back did not work either. Wei Wuxian turned towards the disciples. „Let‘s see whether we can cut it free. The villagers told us it‘s like steel.“

One of the Lan disciples, Lan Sizhui, Jiang Cheng recognised, stepped forward. The young man tried to cut the web, but instead of gliding through the threads, the sword got stuck.

Lan Xichen bent forward to get a better look of the web as well, remained quiet though. Both, he and Jiang Cheng, were aware that this was not their time to shine, it was a chance for their disciples to learn.

Wei Wuxian spoke up again. „Can you infuse more energy into your weapon?“

Lan Sizhui nodded, the sword glowing blue from all the energy that was transferred into the blade, however, it remained stuck. Jiang Cheng frowned, this was one of the Lan’s most promising juniors. If the boy wasn‘t able to break the web by sword, they could forget about it as well. Wei Wuxian continued trying different methods with the disciples, making sure the juniors were able to bring in their ideas. Jiang Cheng noted with satisfaction that Jin Ling and also his own disciples were actively taking part in figuring out how to destroy the threads. 

A little while later they were successful. The webs had to be purified first, either by spell, talisman or music, afterwards they could easily be broken, like regular spider webs.  

„Good thing I‘m here with you, Wanyin. No worries, I‘ll purify every web daring to cross your way.“

Jiang Cheng‘s stare of pure disbelief made Lan Xichen laugh again. Adorable fucker.

„A bit full of ourselves, aren’t we?“

The Lan Sect Leader seemed to be in a really good mood today, blissfully ignoring the disciples‘ surprised looks. A small smile found its way on Jiang Cheng‘s own features in return. Maybe he should just try having a good time himself.

They continued their way deeper into the forrest. The further they got, the more webs appeared. Everything was unnaturally quiet. No birds, no deer, no wind. Not even their footsteps made any sounds on the forrest ground. The group’s previously loud and good mood had long given way for deep concentration.  

It took them another hour of wandering before finally reaching a big clearing, completely surrounded by spider webs, illuminated by soft moonlight. 

„It‘s the spider‘s den, isn‘t it?“ Jin Ling spoke up, albeit quietly. Jiang Cheng made his way over next to his nephew to get a better view over it. 

„I‘m pretty sure it is. As far as I see, this is the only way inside. The creature will most likely block it as soon as we‘ve entered.“ Jin Ling nodded, lost in thought. „Might be true.“

Lan Xichen stepped next to them to take a look as well, his eyes stayed schooled on a certain spot in the surrounding web. „Back there, on the left side of the web, can you see it? There are the bodies of the previous preys, cocooned up in threads.“ The Lan Sect Leader was right.

So far the beast still had not shown up, probably hidden away somewhere in the web. This gave them time to discuss how they would proceed. The group agreed that the fight would probably pick up as soon as they went into the clearing. The priority was to check on the previous preys, make sure they were still alive, get them out of the web. As they weren‘t aware how strong the spider would be just yet, they put the stronger members of the group in the defence position. The ‚fighters‘ shielded by the Lan disciples who would purify the webs.

Jiang Cheng could feel Zidian crackle in excitement as they finally set foot into the clearing. From then on everything went pretty fast. 

As assumed the way behind them got blocked immediately once all of them were inside. Only a moment later they got attacked by the first sharp silver thread, one spider appeared on the web surrounding the clearing, then another one and another one. Jiang Cheng‘s eyes widened in surprise, this was not just one spider, but a whole nest. 

However, there was no time to overthink, they had to get rid of the beasts and defend the disciples who were trying to free the bundled up preys. 

Lan Xichen next to Jiang Cheng had long pulled out his Guzheng strumming the first deep notes, as did the rest of the Lan disciples. It felt weirdly calming to have the Lan Sect Leader right next to him. Like being grounded right from within. Not like Jiang Cheng had time to overthink that right now, he also had no time to question the absence of Lan Xichen‘s flute, Liebing. He would have to ask later on. 

The spiders actually weren‘t too strong, but they were fast and annoying. Especially since in order to hit them they had to get purified first, just like the webs and there were many of them too.

„Stupid spider if I had eight legs I would be faster too.“ Jiang Cheng complained whilst tackling another one of the beasts with Zidian. Being able to attack the spiders from afar was helpful. The advantage, seeing Jiang Cheng taking down most of them, they tried to get rid of him first, so they focused their attacks mainly on him. The downside, Jin Ling with his bow and arrow attracted them just the same, making it harder for Jiang Cheng to fully concentrate on his own enemies. 

„Jin Ling is shielded by Lan Sizhui, he‘ll be fine, he‘s excellent with the bow too.“

Jiang Cheng nodded slightly. Lan Xichen was right, he knew that, but there was an inexplainable worry in his stomach. 

After a while the number of new spiders seemed to dwindle. Making Jiang Cheng breathe a bit easier. He preferred having one stronger opponent instead of dozens annoying ones. 

„The preys have been freed! They are seventeen people, most of them unconscious but alive, probably poisoned! We‘ll begin carrying them out now!“ Jiang Cheng could make out the loud voice of Lan Jingyi. That was good news. Dealing with the remaining spiders would get easier once they hadn‘t have to worry about the abducted people anymore. A moment later the first disciples zoomed off into the air. 

As expected the spiders were not too happy about it, trying to catch their escaping meals, but the cultivators in defence left them no chance. This fight would be over soon. The other cultivators seemed to share that opinion too, their concentration lessening just the slightest bit. 

„Jin Ling, don’t let your defence down just ye-“ Jiang Cheng shouted towards his nephew, however, he could not finish his sentence, the last words getting stuck in his throat.

A big spider had appeared out of nowhere, unnoticed. The rest of them were ranging in size, from as big as dog to the size of a cow. This one was larger though, it was most likely the mother spider. Coming out as the smaller ones got defeated.

**

Jiang Cheng’s eyes widened, everything around him going by incredibly quick and agonisingly slow at the same time. He felt like he was surrounded by water. 

The big spider sent out one of her steel threads - right towards Jin Ling. The boy‘s attention was mainly focused on the disciples carrying away the unconscious villagers, so he had not noticed her until her thread wrapped around Jin Ling‘s neck, leaving a slightly bloody trail tickling down. Lan Sizhui realised it immediately purified the thread, cut it loose. This was no big deal at all, an easily handled situation. 

However, Jiang Cheng felt the bile rise up his throat. 

Fire burned down Lotus Pier - Jiang Cheng still appreciated it’s warming and illuminating qualities, he felt fine around it.

A whip cut open the flesh on Jiang Cheng’s chest - he still swung Zidian with confidence.

Blood, he had seen a lot blood before - if it meant defending his people, Jiang Cheng would not mind drawing more of it.

All of them were horrendous experiences, which mostly tormented him in his sleep. Though this was different, right now Jiang Cheng felt like being taken right back into Guanyin Temple. The fine string of the Guzheng wrapped around the delicate skin on Jin Ling’s neck. Jiang Cheng‘s only remaining family - at the hands of a maniac. 

Hah, seems like Lan Xichen was not the only person who carried invisible scars away that day. Invisible scars? Gaping wounds!

„-yin? -yin?!“

Jiang Cheng‘s vision blurred, his body now on autopilot. Something wrapped around him, a spider web? He freed himself somehow, charging forward, cutting down one of the beasts, then on more and more. It was the weirdest experience, his mind detached from his body. He heard voices, but he could not really register what they were saying, afterwards every thing went quiet. Was the fight over? Jiang Cheng did not know, did not see, did not feel. He was empty, completely empty. 

**

„WANYIN!!“ 

Warm energy began to flood his veins, his body. The emptiness vanishing bit by bit. More, more, he needed more of it! Oh god, this energy was so warm, this energy was what he had yearned so much for all these years, his soulmate’s energy! He was dying now, wasn‘t he? He would finally go back to his family, the people he had lost.

However, instead of fading, his vision cleared, gave way to his surroundings. Lan Xichen was kneeling over him - when had Jiang Cheng even laid down? - saying something Jiang Cheng couldn‘t quite grasp. It was not important though. What was important were the gentle hands on Jiang Cheng’s chest, steadily pumping soothing energy into his body. Jiang Cheng‘s soulmate‘s energy to be precise. Oh no, oh no, oh no!!! Jiang Cheng‘s eyes widened a last time before he finally lost his consciousness, slipping into deep nothingness.

Fuck, the Lan Sect Leader - Zewu-Jun, Lan Xichen, Lan Huan - was Jiang Cheng‘s soulmate. 

He should have stayed at home after all.

Chapter Text

Something smelled good, familiar, safe. Jiang Cheng wanted more of it, he pressed his face into silky fabric, inhaled the scent deeply, sandalwood? Nothing in Jiang Cheng‘s quarters smelled of sandalwood. Where was he? Why did he feel like flying? Another moment later Jiang Cheng was fully awake.

„Be careful!“

Jiang Cheng‘s whole body went stiff. He did not just feel like flying, he WAS flying - in freaking Lan Xichen‘s arms, bridal style. He tried to get some distance between them, which was admittedly difficult mid-air. Oh god, had he just shamelessly pressed his face right into the other man‘s chest? Horrified, Jiang Cheng was horrified about his own actions. „What happened? Why are you carrying me?“ He croaked out in a hoarse voice.

„I think you had a reaction after seeing Jin Ling getting attacked by the spider. You went full berserk mode on the beast. After you slashed down the big spider the remaining smaller ones tried to escape, you got some of them too. The disciples that weren‘t carrying villagers went after them. All the while I tried to speak to you, but you weren‘t reacting. Once the others were gone you collapsed down on the floor.“ Lan Xichen‘s breath hitched. „You gave me a huge fright, you know?“

„I … am sorry. Seeing the thread around Jin Ling‘s neck reminded me of that night at Guanyin Temple.“

Lan Xichen nodded, no more words needed to be said. „I understand. How are you feeling? You weren‘t out for long, but I thought it would be the best to get you out of the forrest … though we haven‘t gotten that far yet, do you want to land?“ 

Jiang Cheng nodded. His mind was still befuddled enough to freely admit that he would very much like to stay in Lan Xichen’s arms a little bit longer. In his soulmate‘s arms, his head provided helpfully. Nope, he was not having that now, there was still plenty of time to panic about it afterwards, ideally in the safety of his own quarters, far far away from the actual man. 

Shortly after they landed on the soft forrest ground, Jiang Cheng‘s legs felt shaky for a moment, but other than that he was fine. At least no disciples were around to see him collapsing like a dainty maiden, that was good. „By the way, did Jin Ling see me … like that?“

Lan Xichen shook his head. „Well, he saw you going berserk, but not the aftermath since he helped with the villagers. I actually urged him to do so because I figured you would not want him to worry about you. I hope I did not overstep with that.“

Jiang Cheng let out a sigh of relief. Those were good news. If possible, Jin Ling should never see him like that, Jin Ling should not worry about him. Though it was actually concerning how well Lan Xichen knew Jiang Cheng by now. Since when did concern feel so fuzzy in his chest? 

„I think it‘s time for us to get back to the others now too.“

Lan Xichen looked at him, eyes so full of worry, Jiang Cheng had to avoid his gaze for a moment. „Are you already in the right condition to fly again? We could rest some more … or walk?“ - No, Jiang Cheng wanted to go back home as soon as possible, flying would be alright, his (Wei Wuxian‘s) core felt alright. The only thing that really felt bone deep exhausted was his mind, but that was nothing Lan Xichen could help with at the moment. 

„It‘s fine, the faster we are back home the better.“ The Lan Sect Leader clearly wasn‘t too happy about it. „Alright, but will you at least let me check your core first, for the peace of my mind? I could not bear losing another person due to my negligence.“ 

No way Jiang Cheng could say „no“ to that request, not when he was so painfully aware of Lan Xichen‘s sufferings. So he held out his arm dutifully. Lan Xichen grabbed it without hesitation, immediately starting to circulate energy through Jiang Cheng‘s veins. It felt cool and refreshing at first, but leaving an unbearably gentle warmth behind. Jiang Cheng swallowed. If he planned on going the denial route later on that clearly was no longer an option. Lan Xichen‘s energy being his soulmate‘s was not just a trick of Jiang Cheng‘s befuddled mind right before collapsing - because this energy was so clearly the one his soulmate used to send him. It was bad, but even worse, right now Lan Xichen was thoroughly inspecting Jiang Cheng‘s energy, but could not even make out their bond in the slightest. Dark clouds arose in Jiang Cheng‘s mind … of course Lan Xichen could not, they were not connected anymore. 

He pulled his arm away, leaving a surprised and visibly dejected Lan Sect Leader behind. Jiang Cheng felt sorry for being rude towards the other man, but he had never been good at controlling his feelings and right now he just felt tired, upset and to his own shame, also quite hurt. However, he was aware that it wasn‘t Lan Xichen‘s fault in the slightest, so he tried to smooth out his voice.. „Flying is alright, isn‘t it? I am tired, I’d really like to head back now.“ 

Lan Xichen smiled, it wasn’t as bright as before (Jiang Cheng hated himself a bit for that) but it was a genuine smile. „I give you the green light for flying. Let‘s head back, I definitely understand you being tired. I am too, this night hunt was more eventful than previously assumed.“ Jiang Cheng nodded. Soon after they zoomed off towards the meeting point. 

Once they reached the other disciples again, Jin Ling and Lan Sizhui gave them a quick report. Apparently there weren‘t any obstacles left anymore. All villagers were receiving medical care, all of them would live. They had been poisoned by the spiders, some more, some less affected. Good news was that all of them would be able to recover again. The disciples who were chasing after the remaining spiders had returned as well. All in all the night hunt had been a bit more difficult than expected, but successful nonetheless.

Most of the participating sect members planned on staying back in the village‘s tavern for the night, however, the Jiang delegation made their way back to Lotus Pier. Jiang Cheng felt sorry for that, he was aware that his disciples were tired, they did a great job at the night hunt after all - but he couldn‘t bear staying near Lan Xichen any longer for today. Not when the other man was so kind, was so good, so unaware of the inner conflicts haunting Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng desperately needed time for himself, he was so exhausted … and overwhelmed.

Back home he immediately took off towards his quarters, breathed in the scent of his home, listened to the gentle waves of the lake. He calmed down, just a bit, but he would take that. A warm bath soothed him, but it wasn‘t as warm as Lan Xichen‘s energy. Jiang Cheng yearned for more - dunked his head into the water to let out a silent scream. A crush would have been annoying to handle, but he could get over it. But this was different. How was he supposed to deal with Lan Xichen - perfect, gorgeous Lan Xichen - being his soulmate?

Lan Xichen adored his soulmate, had been devastated about losing them - not them, but Jiang Cheng. What would Lan Xichen say if Jiang Cheng told him, „Hey Xichen, by the way, do you remember that soulmate you thought was dead? Well, good news - they are alive and kicking, it‘s actually me! Not like I can prove it, because I got myself a new core.“ Ridiculous, no one would believe that crap. Maybe Lan Xichen would even get upset about Jiang Cheng trying to weasel his way in in such a poor manner. 

His soulmate had always been something akin to a dragon to Jiang Cheng. A beautiful fairytale, too good to be true. Back when he was a child, a teen, he always liked to think that his soulmate was that one human for him that would perfectly understand him, that would see all of his loneliness and erase it. He thought that if his parents did not love him, were not proud of him, at least his soulmate would be. That his soulmate would overlook his many many flaws. Lan Xichen had always sent his gentle energy towards Jiang Cheng, it was like the lifeline that pulled Jiang Cheng out of the cold darkness. He must have overtaxed that gentle soul constantly. 

Tears gathered at the corner‘s of Jiang Cheng‘s eyes, he scrubbed at them furiously, dunked his head underwater once more. Lan Xichen would be so disappointed, even if he believed that Jiang Cheng was his soulmate.

What if Jiang Cheng told Lan Xichen about being soulmates and the latter actually believed him, but it would become the same as his parents? Jiang Fengmian was supposedly in love with someone else as well, but once it turned out Yu Ziyuan was his soulmate they were forced to get married by their families. Turning a kind man like his father into someone cold - and Jiang Cheng himself? He’d always had a tendency to resemble his mother.

Impossible, it was impossible. Jiang Cheng would not force a future like that on Lan Xichen, he liked the other way too much to make him feel miserable.

But what if it would work out? A small, traitorous voice piped up in Jiang Cheng’s mind. What if Lan Xichen would be happy about you being his soulmate? What if he would not be disappointed but grateful to have found you even though your connection got shattered. What if he loved you back?

A last dunk into the water before Jiang Cheng got out of the bath, he must have spent too much time in there, the heat must have gotten to his head. Why else would he think of such foolishness? As if anyone would be happy to be Sandu Shengshou‘s soulmate. 

The world spun around him, as he had risen out of the hot water a bit too quickly. The past few months had been suspiciously good, of course things wouldn’t stay that way for Jiang Cheng. He should have known. 

-

‚Dear Wanyin,

how have you been? 

After the night hunt we stayed back at the tavern, I was a bit sad you missed that out.

However, seeing the circumstances I can understand why you preferred going home. 

Jin Ling asked me about your wellbeing, he worried after all. I told him you were fine but tired, he accepted that, I‘m not sure if he was fully satisfied with that explanation though.

Other than that things have been going well around Cloud Recesses. I think I’ve finally gotten the hang of being a sect leader again, which is nice. 

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian have been travelling the past few days. My uncle seems to be happy about that opportunity to take a breath, the juniors miss them. 

I hope things are good at your end as well. Please let me know whether you have been able to recover properly. I cannot help but worry, even though I know you are strong.

In wait for your reply,

Kind regards,

Xichen’

-

‚Dear Wanyin,

I hope you are doing well.

Since I haven‘t heard from you since my last letter I assume you might be busy at the moment. 

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian have returned from their travels, I’ve stumbled on them doing the deed thrice and I feel scarred for life. Maybe it is time for Wei Wuxian to visit Lotus Pier? I‘m joking, though I might have to wash my eyes with soap.

Please let me know whether you’re ok.

Kind regards,

Xichen‘

-

„Dear Wanyin, 

are things alright on your end?

I am used to getting replies from you, so not hearing back from you, I cannot help but worry whether I did something wrong. 

Are you healthy? Were you able to recover? Please excuse my rudeness, but I am actually pretty concerned about you.

There is only a month left until the celebration at Lotus Pier. The disciples that helped out in winter are already giddy to come. So am I.

Please respond to me.

Kind regards, 

Xichen‘

_

Jiang Cheng folded the letter up carefully, lying it down on the pile of the other unanswered correspondence sent by Lan Xichen. He felt extremely bad for ignoring the other. His heart ached, but he did this for the both of them, for Lan Xichen and for him. 

He could not let his feelings get in the way of sect matters, he could not bother the other with unimportant stuff like being soulmates - he was lying through his teeth, making excuses for being scared how to handle the situation and he knew it.

The celebration, huh? It was right around the corner. How was he supposed to act there? How was he supposed to face Lan Xichen. Just what was he supposed to do?

Chapter Text

Lan Xichen put the ink-stick away with a big sigh. He had ground up some ink with the intention of writing another letter to Jiang Wanyin, but what was the use of it? In the end the younger man wouldn‘t answer anyway. 

What had Lan Xichen actually done wrong? He couldn’t help but wonder. They had been fine until the night hunt. Where did he overstep? Why was Jiang Wanyin not answering? The juniors had been interacting with Jin Ling regularly, therefore Lan Xichen at least knew that Jiang Wanyin was doing fine on behalf of his health.

So something must have taken place between the two of them without Lan Xichen’s notice. 

What was happening now, would they go back to square one? 

Lan Xichen recoiled just from the thought of it. Impossible, he couldn’t lose Wanyin. It would crush him! He had lost so many people already, his parents, sect members, his best friends. Each time he somehow managed to get back on his feet, this time he wouldn‘t - he just knew that. He felt heartbroken from not getting any replies already. 

The Lan Sect Leader watched the freshly ground ink beginning to dry up at the edges of the ink-stone. Why was that? Why did he feel so broken about Jiang Wanyin ignoring him? He had managed to avoid the man all these previous years, so why was he feeling so broken now? Because he previously didn‘t know how softhearted, funny, kind and beautiful Jiang Wanyin was, how safe and comfortable Lan Xichen felt around the man - he knew now. No, he did not just know it, he was painfully aware of it. He craved for more. Look at me! Wanyin! Look at me, my beautiful Wanyin, my Jiang Cheng, my a-Cheng.

Lan Xichen’s vision blurred for a moment, completely lost in his thoughts. When had Jiang Wanyin become „his“. Why did it feel so right to call Jiang Wanyin „his“. ‚Oh, I truly am an idiot, a really really big one at that. I am in love with him.‘, Lan Xichen felt foolish at once. Why hadn‘t he noticed that earlier? Jiang Wanyin made his heart beat faster, he longed for the other, felt at peace around him - of course he was in love. 

Somehow this realisation did not shock Lan Xichen at all, the contrary actually, he felt relieved because he finally knew how to label his feelings. It made Lan Xichen feel at peace with himself.

Love, huh? Yes, Jiang Wanyin was very loveable.

Well, seeing it like that, Jiang Wanyin ignoring him might have become an even bigger issue. What was he supposed to do? Fly to Lotus Pier right away, declare his love out loud? No, Jiang Wanyin would probably escape like a small wounded animal, Lan Xichen knew better than that. 

On the other hand he was also aware that it was him who had to do the first step.

What if Jiang Wanyin actually hated him though? What if that was the reason he avoided Lan Xichen? ‚Confess your feelings and deal with the subsequent reaction afterwards‘, he decided. Two more weeks to go and he would visit Lotus Pier for the celebration. That was a good time, he would try his luck … given that he still felt brave enough to confess at that point.

By now the ink had completely dried up, Lan Xichen got up from the table, he had not felt like writing today anyway. Having sorted out his feelings was more important, so in his opinion he had still done a good job.

He would meditate and go to bed, after all it was pretty late already. 

Meditation, huh - another thought hit him like a train - what about his soulmate? Up until now he had not even considered moving on from them. However, this time too, he felt at peace, not upset with himself. Weird, he was weird today. The thing was, Lan Xichen thought missing them and still being able to live a fulfilled life with someone by his side was actually possible. Honestly, he yearned for it. 

Days passed by quickly, Lan Xichen was not really surprised about the lack of contact from Jiang Wanyin‘s side. It was really high time to sort everything out, wasn’t it?

When he got ready to leave for Lotus Pier he was surprised that he did not feel discouraged, the opposite actually, he wanted to confess all the more and as soon as possible.

_

Lotus Pier had always been full of life, sometimes it was more busy, sometimes less. Today the former was most definitely the case. Jiang Cheng could only shake his head at how excited Lotus Pier‘s inhabitants got about having something to celebrate. 

The kitchen staff had begun preparing all sorts of delicacies (most of them mild in taste of course) before the sun had risen. Guest quarters had been prepared, the halls decorated. 

Jiang Cheng eyed the many many wine jars. He had the sneaking suspicion that his disciples planned on drinking for the Lans as well, most likely together with Wei Wuxian. He would let it slide today. They deserved to loose up and celebrate once in a while. Even though he was not quite sure if it was a good thing that they put way more effort in this celebration than in any of the usual discussion conferences. Oh well, he couldn‘t really blame them.

All of them were wearing their best robes, clearly with the intention of looking good in front of the Lans. Jiang Cheng wore his best robes as well, even though he wasn‘t quite sure whom he actually wanted to impress (lies, Lan Xichen of course). Thinking of the other put a damper on Jiang Cheng‘s mood. He still hadn‘t quite figured out how to act around the older man. Ignoring Lan Xichen in person would be incredibly rude and unnecessarily cruel. 

Lan Xichen deserved so much better. He sounded upset in the last few letters, not angry, but worried if Jiang Cheng was ok, if he had done something wrong - and truly, wasn‘t that heartbreaking? Jiang Cheng hated himself a bit more with every letter he ignored. The only thing that prevented him from writing back and apologising was the knowledge that he did save Lan Xichen from much worse … saved himself from much worse. Gods above, Jiang Cheng was such a coward.

Today he would treat Lan Xichen with the most impersonal, polite respect and most importantly, make his own presence scarce. Yes, the actual plan was to hide, so what?! He had not come up with anything better yet. Truthfully, he did not think he would.

„Sect Leader! The Lan delegation is about to arrive!“, Jiang Li moved towards Jiang Cheng with brisk steps. „Alright, let‘s go to the pier to greet them.“ They began walking, when Jiang Cheng suddenly stopped. His second-in-command looked at him puzzled. „Is everything alright?“ 

„Jiang Li … when you found out that Jiang Qi was your soulmate, were you scared?“

Jiang Li‘s expression grew even more puzzled before a smile grazed his features. Jiang Qi was the Jiang Sect‘s head disciple, a very strong-headed woman, who secured her position through sheer talent. 

Jiang Cheng had always found it funny, how fate really pushed it‘s buttons here, gathering those two right at his side. 

„I was scared, yes. Honestly, meeting my soulmate, I had not seen it coming. How was I supposed to react? You know Jiang Qi, would she be mad about being with someone like me? Should I treat her differently from now on? What were the expectations she held towards her soulmate? In the end all those thoughts did not matter. Things fell in order naturally.“

Jiang Cheng nodded, „I see.“ He started to walk on. ‚Things fell in order naturally, huh.‘

Once they reached the pier they did not need to wait long for the Lan delegation to arrive. All of them familiar faces, all of them had helped out the Jiang Sect greatly this winter. It was nice seeing them being excited to return. However, Jiang Cheng had a hard time concentrating on any them, because the man leading the delegation simply was too dazzling. ‚My soulmate sure is handsome‘, Jiang Cheng thought with a sigh. He should not have come to greet them in person.

Moments later they landed, both sects exchanged their bows. „Welcome, we are very happy to have you over! Please follow me inside for refreshments, afterwards we‘ll be showing you the guest quarters.“ Jiang Cheng announced. 

Lan Xichen smiled, the Jiang Sect Leader had to squint for a moment in order to not get blinded by its brightness. „Thank you for having us over, we are more than happy to be here. I-“

„Aiyo a-Cheng! What’s up with that formality, we are here to celebrate!“ Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes, actually glad Wei Wuxian decided to stick to his side. Lan Xichen on the other hand had to swallow his annoyance at his loud brother-in-law. He would have to get close to the Jiang Sect Leader later on.

This, however turned out to not be that easy. If Lan Xichen thought they would spend plenty of time together today, he was very wrong. 

Jiang Cheng was like a slippery eel, on the mission to avoid the Lan Sect Leader at all costs. Showing only up when necessary, always sticking to either his own second-in-command or to Wei Wuxian. Later on Jin Ling joined the celebration as well, Lan Xichen felt like crying, he truly had no chance to speak to the younger man.

On the other hand Jiang Cheng was quite impressed with himself, he surely had not expected to be able to avoid Lan Xichen that well - even if he felt the other‘s eyes practically burn holes into him. Pointedly ignoring the disapproving look Jiang Li sent him from time to time. 

Jiang Cheng would manage to get over this celebration, the afternoon was already over, dinner had been served. Everyone had a good time … everyone besides Lan Xichen - Jiang Cheng tried to trample down the regret and bad feeling from seeing his soulmate unhappy. Truly, when had he become so perceptive of Lan Xichen? 

When dinner was finished, music was brought on, wine and snacks got served. The perfect moment for Jiang Cheng to retire. Without his presence his disciples would be able to celebrate more freely anyway. So he said his goodbyes, ignored Wei Wuxian‘s complaints about it - no, he was no party pooper - and fled.

Smooth, everything went way too smooth. Jiang Cheng had almost reached his quarters, when someone spoke up behind him. „Jiang Wanyin. Would you spare a minute for me?“ 

Oh god dang it! He looked back over his shoulder, which was unnecessary as he knew this gentle voice, would recognise it amongst thousands. 

„Sect Leader Lan. I‘m sorry, but I am very tired today. Let‘s talk with each other tomorrow at breakfast.“, Jiang Cheng cringed at himself, his excuse was not in the slightest bit believable, Lan Xichen was no idiot. Whatever, not like he had a better excuse at hand. With that he turned around and began walking away quickly, very quickly - ok, he ran away, like the coward he was. What he had not expected though was, that Lan Xichen actually gave chase. Ridiculous! This whole situation was ridiculous! If Jiang Cheng thought Lan Xichen would be too respectful to follow him into the Jiang family wing, he was sorely mistaken. 

Moments later Jiang Cheng got tackled by the older man, both of them tumbling down on the floor. At least he did not get hurt, he landed on something soft, Lan Xichen to be precise. „Let me go! What do you think you are doing! Lan Xichen! Let go of me!!“

„Finally.“ Jiang Cheng looked down at Lan Xichen‘s jade-like features in bewilderment. „What finally?“ 

„You finally called me by my name again. If you would have called me ‚Sect Leader Lan‘ once more I would have gone crazy.“ Jiang Cheng avoided the other‘s eyes, the hold on his waist tightened, instead of letting go. He really tried to avoid thinking how much he liked those arms around him. „I‘m sorry for behaving like this, I know it‘s entirely unsightly, but Jiang Wanyin, both of us know that you would have avoided me tomorrow morning as well. I beg you, please let me know what I did wrong, why are you literally running away from me?“

„Nothing, you did nothing wrong at all.“ And it was true Lan Xichen hadn‘t done anything wrong at all, all of this was on Jiang Cheng. 

„So why are you avoiding me then?“

„…“ Jiang Cheng stayed silent, even if Lan Xichen deserved to know. 

Laughter and music got carried to them, testimony of the disciples good time, so why was their sect leader stuck in such a dire situation?

„This is not how I imagined doing this at all, Wanyin, but I have to do it now. I have the feeling there won‘t be another chance.“ Lan Xichen said in a quiet voice. „Jiang Wanyin, I am in love with you. I am in love with how you carry yourself, your soft heart, your kindness. I love how you make me laugh, how you‘ve been helping me. Please be honest with me, what did I do wrong, how can I make things right between us again?“

„You what?!“ Jiang Cheng had all but forgotten his intention to avoid Lan Xichen at once, staring at the latter in pure disbelief.

„I am in love with you, is that so hard to believe?“

„Yes! I mean, no? I don‘t know! What about your soulmate!?“

„My soulmate would not want me to never move on. I am convinced of that. I will never ever forget about them, but I can‘t help but feeling they would want to see me happy.“ 

Well that was true for sure, Jiang Wanyin would want Lan Xichen to be happy, but how things turned out confused him … maybe … maybe he could come clean after all? If it was Lan Xichen, could he confess what had bothered him so much for the past weeks? Could they have a future together? He recalled Jiang Li‘s words, could things fall in order naturally for them as well?

„I… I need to tell you something. It‘s only concerning the two of us and I would like to tell you without lying on your chest.“ (- even if it was broad and comfortable). Lan Xichen nodded, released him. 

„Follow me please.“ 

A moment later they were sitting in Jiang Cheng‘s private quarters. He busied himself with preparing tea, thoughts running wild. How was he supposed to tell the older man, what should he even say? How was Lan Xichen going to react? There were very little situations in which Jiang Cheng had ever felt as stressed before. 

At some point both of them were sitting across each other, steaming cups of tea in front of them. It was time, Jiang Cheng had to start talking, but he just did not know how to begin, he was extremely nervous. The silence between both of them so thick, he could cut it with a knife. 

„Wanyin, I can tell that whatever you want to say to me makes you extremely uncomfortable, you don‘t have to speak a word if it‘s hard on you.“ Lan Xichen reached over the table, pulled Jiang Cheng‘s clammy hand into his own. Weird, how those fingers were so much more elegant but still bigger than Jiang Cheng’s own calloused ones. It calmed Jiang Cheng down enough to find his bearings, he could do this.

„Lan Xichen, what I am about to tell you now will sound absolutely crazy. I personally would not believe it, so if you chose to think I am lying to you, I won‘t fault you for that.“ His eyes met the Lan Sect Leader‘s, who gave a silent nod. Jiang Cheng took it as the sign to go on it was. Not noticing how much he was actually clinging to Lan Xichen‘s hand for support, as if it was the sole thing keeping him from running away. Maybe it was. He took a deep breath.

„I need to reach back quite a few years in order to make sense. It‘s not a fun story for me to tell, so I‘ll keep it as brief as possible. You see, back when the massacre in Lotus Pier took place, my mother made sure Wei Wuxian and I could escape, even if we did not want to. It‘s the reason we survived in the first place. Our plan was to head for Meishan Yu, look for my sister. We had been walking half a day, exhausted, hungry. So we halted at a small town. Wei Wuxian went out to get us something to eat, when I noticed Wen soldiers patrolling the streets.“, he laughed. To Lan Xichen it sounded rather like a broken sob. „This is nothing I‘ve ever told a soul, so I expect you to keep quiet about it.“ Another confirming nod, Jiang Cheng went on with his story. „I was sure they‘d run into Wei Wuxian. I was grieving, not in the right headspace. I could not deal with the thought of losing him too. So I ran out of my hiding place to lure them away - and what am I supposed to say, it did not take them a lot of time to catch me. They brought me back to Lotus Pier. Had a lot of fun torturing me,“ his eyes went glassy, caught in the memories. „They used my clan‘s very own discipline whip on me. I do still carry those scars on my chest, you know? It was painful, humiliating. However, the worst was yet to come. Does the „Core-Melting Hand“ still ring a bell to you?“ 

Jiang Cheng stared at Lan Xichen. „Wen Zhuliu?“ An uncomfortable feeling of foreboding settled in Lan Xichen‘s stomach like a heavy stone. 

„Yes, Wen Zhuliu. You know, he did not get that title for nothing. He … he took my core. He destroyed the connection to my soulmate, Xichen.“ 

Lan Xichen shook his head in disbelief, „But you are still able to use it, aren‘t you?…“

„That‘s not my core“, his eyes were intense, fixed right onto the other sect leader. „You were there at Guanyin Temple, you heard what Jin Guangyao said to me, witnessed my breakdown, my conversation with Wei Wuxian. You are a smart man, Lan Xichen. I am pretty sure you have an idea what all of that was about.“

„I‘ve … made my assumptions, but they had always seemed so outlandish, I haven‘t dared to believe in them.“ Truthfully, Lan Xichen had pondered about it more than once. How could he not? His thoughts were constantly circling around the younger man after all. However, he had never expected those crazy suspicions to actually be true.

Jiang Cheng smiled warily. „It’s ok … anyway, after Wen Zhuliu was finished with me, Wei Wuxian rescued me from Lotus Pier with the help of Wen Ning and Wen Qing. At that time I was more dead than alive, not just physically but also, or probably especially, mentally. When I told Wei Wuxian about the loss of my core, my behaviour must have been so shocking to him, he decided to give me his core. The funny thing is, all those years I believed he led me to Baoshan Sanren, thought it was her who had been able to restore my core. Instead he managed to transfer his core into my body. He … he hadn‘t even told me, I had to learn through freaking Wen Ning!“

Jiang Cheng rubbed at his face furiously, embarrassed that retelling his story still got him this upset. Lan Xichen was probably so done with him by now. However, the latter stood up wordlessly, rounded the table and sat down right next to Jiang Cheng and pulled him into his arms.

„All the while I was wondering, why I had not been able to feel my soulmate‘s energy, even though my core had been restored … the reason was that simple, because I‘ve been operating on Wei Wuxian‘s all along. Everything I did seems so pointless now. I’ve been working like crazy for so long, took pride in my achievements, in my achievements - but instead it was once more all Wei Wuxian‘s doing.“ 

Lan Xichen tightened his hold around Jiang Cheng, right now the latter felt so small and vulnerable. 

„I don‘t think Wei Wuxian could have done the same you did. He‘s brilliant, smart, fierce about his points. However, in my opinion he would not have been able to sit through discussion conferences like you have, I don‘t think he could have dedicated his entire being into the Jiang Sect like you have. I don‘t think he would have been able to stay at the same place for as long without getting bored, suffering through paperwork, infuriating conversations with stupid sect leaders. He would not have been able to give his people the same feeling of security. Jiang Cheng, you‘ve always been incredibly strong, you‘ve shown this to me all the way back when you studied in Cloud Recesses. He gifted you the tool, but what you‘ve made out of it is entirely your doing. Jiang Cheng, you are so incredibly strong.“

A wet laugh could be heard. „Xichen, you are truly too good to be true. Only you would build me up like that. However, I’m not finished yet. Losing my core was hard, losing my soulmate was actually harder. They always had a gentle, calming effect on me. I‘ve always liked to think of their energy as the first sunbeams on a cold winter morning, incredibly warm and comforting. My soulmate has always cheered me up, when I was feeling down, feeling lonely. I love their energy so much, have been yearning for it all these years … and then … and then I got a panic attack at that stupid night hunt and you transferred your energy into me.“ - Lan Xichen‘s breath hitched, Jiang Cheng soldiered on. „I recognised it immediately. Lan Xichen, your energy is the exact same energy as my soulmate‘s. It is absolutely crazy, but I would recognise it anywhere!“

Silence. Everything was quiet, not a single sound to be heard. Jiang Cheng was still squished against Lan Xichen‘s broad chest, but he felt too scared to look up, so scared to see Lan Xichen‘s face tinged in disgust - but at least Jiang Cheng felt lighter, like he was finally able to breathe again. 

A drop landed on the crown of his head, another one.

Eventually he couldn’t take it anymore, he wiggled out of Lan Xichen’s arms in order to look at his soulmate after all. To his surprise there was not even the slightest bit of disgust on Lan Xichen‘s face - though his expression was unreadable. Big big tears running down the gentle features. 

„Lan Xichen … I am sorry.“

As if the spell had finally been broken, Lan Xichen let out the biggest sob, before pulling Jiang Cheng right back into his arms, incredibly tight. „You … hiccup … are my soulmate! … My soulmate! My soulmate…“, Lan Xichen cried, repeating it like a mantra, rocking both of them from side to side. They remained like that for a long time. 

„You are not disappointed it is me?“, Jiang Cheng asked after a while, voice barely above a whisper. 

Lan Xichen shook his head, face red and puffy from crying, cute actually. „Why would I be disappointed? I am incredibly happy! My soulmate is not just alive, but also the man I fell in love with - it‘s like a dream!“

„Really?“, Jiang Cheng brushed his own tears out of his face. „I was so scared.“

„The fearsome Sandu Shengshou was scared?“

„Incredibly, I thought you would hate me being your soulmate. I thought you would not believe me in the first place, I cannot even prove that I am actually your soulmate.“

Lan Xichen‘s face got serious. He held Jiang Cheng by the shoulders, making sure their eyes met. „Jiang Wanyin - Jiang Cheng. I love being your soulmate. I just know you would not lie about something like this, but if it makes you believe in me being sincere. My soulmate’s energy had always reminded me of water, sometimes stormy, sometimes gentle waves - and the revelation that it‘s always been you, it‘s actually not surprising at all. I‘m rather astonished I haven‘t noticed it before. It makes so much sense.“

„Oh …“

„Oh?“ Lan Xichen laughed, feeling truly light and happy. 

There were more things that needed to be addressed, but right now they wanted to stay in their happy bubble just a bit longer. When Lan Xichen began yawning at nine sharp, they decided it was time to retire for the day.

Lan Xichen of course did not go back to the guest quarters. Without even considering another option he opted for Jiang Cheng‘s bed - and Jiang Cheng? He just let it happen. 

Chapter Text

A short while later they found themselves lying next to each other. Lan Xichen on his back, Jiang Cheng on his side, watching how the moon illuminated the former‘s gentle features. Surreal, this was so surreal. The most eligible bachelor was his soulmate, right next to him, close enough to touch. Jiang Cheng lifted his hand and placed it on the other‘s cheek, trying to ignore how his hand shook due to his very own bravery. A bigger hand landed on his, he felt that bright smile rather than actually seeing it, as Lan Xichen nuzzled into Jiang Cheng‘s hand. 

„Hey Lan Xichen … how do lovers actually act around each other? Are we even lovers? Don’t expect any of those disgusting public affections our brothers are constantly displaying from me.“

The Lan Sect Leader shifted his body so that he was able to face Jiang Cheng properly. „We do not have to act in a certain way. It‘s our relationship and we can do whatever makes us feel comfortable. I am not going to lie, I do like physical affection - but I will only take what‘s freely given.“ That was a relief to hear, Jiang Cheng was not used to showing affection, very awkward even, but as always, the other was understanding. Did Jiang Cheng actually use up all of his good luck on Lan Xichen and his nephew? That would at least explain why he had to go through so much shit before - but both of them were worth it.

„As to ‚are we even lovers‘. I sure hope we are. That‘s something I still wanted to ask you. I told you that I am in love with you today. You explained that we are soulmates. It makes me so happy, but … you‘ve never said wether you like me too…“

„I thought it was obvious … I‘ve been in love with you before I learnt that we are soulmates. Honestly, who could not fall for you… with your stupid kindness, understanding, also good looks…“ 

If possible, Lan Xichen’s smile got even brighter. „Am I really awake or is this already a beautiful dream? Let me know whether this is too much for you to handle.“ A second later Jiang Cheng got pulled into the former‘s chest again. A place he more and more liked to be at. „‘s ok.“ He mumbled into those pecs. 

They tried to go back to sleep once more. The sound of gentle waves and buzzing insects could be heard, occasionally voices and music from the celebration got carried into the room, like white noise. Jiang Cheng had almost slipped away into that sweet nothingness, when Lan Xichen spoke up again. „Lotus Pier … it‘s different from Cloud Recesses at night. It‘s so loud.“ 

„… it is. I like it,  it‘s soothing. It means Lotus Pier is alive.“

„You made it that way, Wanyin, you know?“ Lan Xichen leaned back. Jiang Cheng would have complained about it, but gentle lips landed on his forehead the next moment. 

„You‘ve gone through incredible hardships, but you remained resilient. You rebuilt your sect. You are incredible.“

Lan Xichen went further downwards, put a peck on the tip of Jiang Cheng‘s nose. „You being here today, stronger than ever, is a wonder.“

Further down. Lan Xichen’s fingers traced Jiang Cheng’s chest, the ugly scars of the discipline whip. „May I?“ The younger exhaled shakily, but gave a nod anyway.

Lan Xichen parted Jiang Cheng’s robes enough to see the angry streaks. Jiang Cheng‘s insecurities immediately spiked up. However, the Lan Sect Leader continued to speak.
„Those scars are proof what you‘ve been through. I wish you would never have been subjected to such pain. Good for the ones responsible that they are already dead. However, you are here in my arms now. You shared everything with me that was so very brave of you. Thank you for telling me your story.“ Lan Xichen kissed the skin right above Jiang Cheng’s heart. Put another kiss on each scar for good measure, before closing the robe up again. He pulled Jiang Cheng back into his arms, tight. „Thank you for sharing your story with me, my beautiful Wanyin … and I beg you right here and right now, please continue to speak to me in the future as well. Speak to me, even if it isn‘t easy. We‘ll eventually figure things out. Please please please, as long as we are in this relationship, don‘t ignore me like you did for the past months again. It really hurt me.“

Contrary to popular beliefs Jiang Cheng was actually well aware when he hurt somebody, he also was able to tell when he needed to apologise. „I‘m sorry Lan Xichen. I really thought it would be the best if I would have stayed quiet about everything. For the both of us … but truthfully, I was just scared. Being with me won‘t be easy, communication is not my strong point…“

„Good thing I am a patient man then, everything will be alright.“ Lan Xichen kissed the crown of Jiang Cheng’s head. Those little gestures of affection left a prickling, weird but addicting sensation on the latter‘s skin. He wasn‘t sure whether he could get used to it, but he wanted more.

Silence took over again, time to sleep. Or so Jiang Cheng thought, because moments later Lan Xichen spoke up again. 

„You need to start transferring energy into me from time to time. If we cannot sense each other by our soulmate connection anymore, I want to at least be able to feel you when we are together. I also want to acquaint myself with your current energy.“

Jiang Cheng’s hands were still splayed on the other’s chest, so he let his energy seep into Lan Xichen. „… how does it feel? Like … Wei Wuxian?“

Lan Xichen shook his head. „Not at all. I‘ve felt Wei Wuxian‘s old energy once before. Back when we trained, when you were studying in Cloud Recesses. Lan Wangji described it as fiery, confident and bubbly … of course in a much more poetic way that I honestly don’t really care to remember anymore.“ Jiang Cheng snorted at that, sometimes Lan Xichen had a hidden snark. He also wanted more of that.

„Anyway, I guess his core melded into your body enough to be your very own. Come to think of it, it‘s actually been longer with you than with Wei Wuxian. It‘s still like water, but more like rain, mixed with an electricity akin to lighting. A storm.“

Jiang Cheng pondered over it, like a storm, huh? „Do you … do you like it?“

„I do. Very much actually. A bit too much. It makes me feel so alive.“

A small smile bloomed on Jiang Cheng‘s face, he had never thought he would be able to hear words like that. „Thank you Lan Xichen … a-Huan. Go to sleep now, will you.“

This time they really went to sleep. With Lan Xichen‘s arms around him, Jiang Cheng felt a safety he could not remember ever experiencing before. Maybe that was the reason people searched so hard for their soulmates. And here he was, enjoying this comfort even with a destroyed connection. Weird, fate really had it‘s own confusing ways. This night, when his usual nightmares kicked in, he felt a warmth seep into his body, first sunbeams on a cold winter morning. As long as Lan Xichen was here with him, he would not be alone anymore, he would be safe.

Things between Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen went well during the span of the next few months. Better than well, actually. Jiang Cheng could not remember a happier time in his life. 

For once there was no immediate threat. His sect was in order, well managed. Jin Ling was thriving at Koi Tower, kicking the butts of those old geezers, shaping the Jin Sect into something new, something better. His relationship with Wei Wuxian continued improving as well. 

It allowed Jiang Cheng to take some time off to visit Lan Xichen at Cloud Recesses every other weekend. In return Lan Xichen would visit Lotus Pier on the remaining ones. At some point they would have to find a more permanent solution. Lan Xichen played with the thought of starting to train Lan Jingyi for the position of the next Lan Sect Leader - which was an absurd thought at first, the most un-Lan to ever Lan taking over the sect? But Jingyi proved himself to be reliable and smart over and over again and if needed Lan Sizhui was always there for support.

Jiang Cheng thought about his own successor as well. In the past he was most likely going to appoint Jiang Li‘s son for the position. However, right now he did not want to exclude the possibility of having a family of his own anymore. Something he thought he would and could never have before. All of that were future thoughts though. Right now they enjoyed their relationship still being a secret to the cultivation world. At some point they would marry, a big feast at Lotus Pier. Not because Jiang Cheng wanted to celebrate himself like that, but Lan Xichen deserved nothing but the best. Also, he knew that his disciples, staff and maybe even the commoners would throw a huge fit if he didn‘t. 

He shook his head a bit to get out of his thoughts as he dipped down to the familiar grounds of Cloud Recesses. Jiang Cheng wouldn‘t admit it over his dead body, but he had been working extra hard all week in order to wrap things up quicker. It allowed him to leave Lotus Pier in the late afternoon, meaning that he arrived at the Lan Sect‘s residence shortly before nightfall. He slipped through the entrance, his very own jade pendant allowing him free access at any time. A few shortcuts later his heart warmed at the familiar sight of the Hanshi. Lights behind the windows indicating Lan Xichen was already there, waiting. Jiang Cheng sped up his steps, not running yet, but it was a near thing. 

The Hanshi‘s door opened up as soon as Jiang Cheng lifted his hand to knock and a moment later he was surrounded by strong arms. „A-Cheng! You‘re finally here, I‘ve been waiting for you.“

Jiang Cheng washed away the travel dust, sat down for a late dinner with Lan Xichen. They talked about what happened in each of their respective sects during the last week, about things their disciples and families did. Mundane things really. Jiang Cheng hadn‘t thought he would enjoy simple nights like this as much, but here he was.

„Oh by the way, a-Cheng. What’s inside that box?“

Jiang Cheng‘s gaze wandered towards said box. „It‘s for Wei Wuxian, actually. We’ve been making good improvements in our relationship, so I thought I might return his clarity bell to him. I‘m just not sure how to go about it yet. So maybe I‘ll take it back home again.“ 

Lan Xichen smiled. „It‘s good to see you getting along better. It will make things easier at future family dinners.“ Jiang Cheng waved him off, cheeks tinted red. Family dinners, huh?

„Your brother will be happy about it too. Did you know that our clarity bells are really special? There is a whole ceremony about them. Every disciple of the Jiang Sect receives one. Once they form their own golden core they will inject their energy inside the bell in order to activate it. So you could say that it‘s the only thing still holding Wei Wuxian’s original energy.“

Jiang Cheng as well as Lan Xichen froze, the latter even dropping his chopsticks. A moment later both of them shot up, running for Jiang Cheng‘s own clarity bell. It was lying there, innocently, right on top of Jiang Cheng‘s neatly folded clothes. He picked it up with shaky fingers, his gaze met Lan Xichen‘s, searching for his soulmate‘s eyes. Lan Xichen smiled, signalling Jiang Cheng to go on. 

Jiang Cheng felt for the energy inside the bell. It really was there, perfectly stored. Truthfully, Jiang Cheng recognised it, but by now it felt kind of foreign, not as much as a part of him anymore as the energy that was flowing through his veins right now, but it made him feel at peace. He handed the bell over to Lan Xichen with a watery smile.

„Can I?“ At Jiang Cheng‘s reassuring nod, Lan Xichen reached for the energy inside as well. Once he got hold of it, everything became too much. Lan Xichen was overwhelmed. This was it, this was the energy he used to meditate for. This was the energy he was so convinced he would never be able feel again. It was there, swirling happily inside the little spiritual tool as if nothing ever happened. Tears began running down his face as he stood there, fingers tightly clasped around the bell.

„A-Cheng, you know. I‘ve never doubted that you are my soulmate, not even once. The past few months with you have been the happiest of my life. I‘ve never missed your ‚old‘ energy, but feeling it right here, right now. It‘s … it‘s overwhelming, I cannot place my emotions at all. It‘s like the last missing piece of my puzzle has finally been returned. It feels like I‘m holding the tiniest bit of you right between my fingers.“

„I think I know what you mean, a-Huan. I‘m sorry that I did not think of giving the bell to you earlier, I truly didn‘t mean to make you cry again.“

The corner‘s of Lan Xichen‘s mouth lifted and he pulled Jiang Cheng in a hug. „Those are happy tears, you are welcome to make me cry out of happiness as often as you want. Maybe the next time when you bow to the heavens with me?“

„Don‘t overdo it, you big simp.“ Jiang Cheng said without the slightest bit of heat in his voice. He lifted his face towards Lan Xichen expectingly. Sure enough soft lips landed on his right after. 

„You know forever sounds like the best thing when it comes to you a-Cheng. I‘m happy to have even the tiniest bit of you, but if I can have everything … I will take it gladly, without hesitation.“

Forever, huh? Spending forever feeling loved, cherished and happy instead of alone and miserable, spending forever right besides Lan Xichen - Jiang Cheng‘s incredible soulmate - that really didn‘t sound bad at all. 

Jiang Cheng smiled, he was so ready for ‚forever‘.

// The End~