Archive of Our Own ^beta

     Eun Yoo can't help but be addicted to the feeling of his skin. 

        Hyun-su is so warm, scorchingly so. She can't help but crave it, in her worst moments and her best. He's like a balm, like something out of a fairytale. He touches her like she's precious; like he never wants to let her go. 

      (Eun Yoo doesn't want him to let her go; it's the last thing she'd ever want. There's nowhere for her to go; nowhere she'd want to even if there was. 

      Who could hold her like Hyun-su? Who could look at her like he does? She wouldn't want anyone else to see her like this, at her most vulnerable and brittle. To look into the delicate fragility of her gaze and see all of her, even the parts she wants to hide. 

       He's always seeing her.

       Always looking at all those nasty parts like he craves them, like he desperately wants her to keep them. Like he admires them, even, in all of their sharpness. Like they're worth keeping.

       Like she's worth keeping)

       And...Eun Yoo knows she's greedy. Knows with every fiber of her being that she is beyond insatiable when it comes to many things, but especially him. Knows that she would take any bit of affection, any of his warmth he would offer to her, without a single regret. Even if the world told her she shouldn't, that she couldn't. Even if it spat in her face and told her she'd rot, she would gladly choose eternal damnation over a life without his touch. 

        Without hearing his voice as her eyes flutter open, coffee-warm and gentle. Sunshine beaming all the way down at her in delicate rays, so careful not to blind her. Without feeling his fingers drag over her scalp, leaving behind little pinpricks of sensation that never fail to make her shiver. Without seeing his grin, crooked and adoring, as he traces the way it runs down her spine. 

        Hyun-su is everything she's ever wanted, everything she didn't know she needed. Everything she thought she would never have. 

        Eun Yoo stares at him, sometimes. Often. All the time, actually. Stares at him until her eyes blur in a way that leaves her wondering if it's just exhaustion. Stares at him until even death couldn't rip away her gaze. She craves to stare at him, to burn his image into the back of her eyelids, so that even in sleep she could still bask in his sun rays. 

       But she can never imprint it exactly. Can never capture his likeness perfectly in her mind; always a little bit foggy at the edges, always too intangible to be true. 

       She can never touch him, in her mind. Can never feel the way he wraps around her more than a phantom sensation; can never lace their fingers more than what she can recall; can never press their foreheads together, or feel his lips curve against hers when they meet. All memories, all past, all bygones in minutes. In seconds. As soon as the press of his skin leaves hers. 

      All intangible things, built purely on the wistfulness of previous knowledge.

       And...it's not the same. She can't breathe him in, like this. Stuck in the catacombs of her mind, dreaming of him even in the open sun. She can't press her ear against his heartbeat, can't match its rhythm. Can't brush her fingers across his ribs and feel him fight the inevitable laughter. 

        So she wakes, and craves him further: kisses him until he can barely breathe. Pulls him closer until they can't be told apart. Savors every second of that heartbeat against hers. 

        (And she's so scared. Terrified for the day that she cannot find it. For the day that she wakes and finds no one at her side. For the second she realizes, through blurry eyes and fuzzy clouds, that she has just woken from a dream too lovely to be true.

       That's what he is, she can't help but think. A dream, too lovely to be true.)

         But, Hyun-su smiles at her. A soft little thing that never fails to make her heart stutter in her chest, and laces their fingers together, traces little patterns with his free hand on the bare skin of her hip; looks at her like he knows exactly what it does to her. 

        "You're awake," he murmurs and squeezes her palm. Her fingers look so dainty in his, she realizes. His hand engulfs hers nearly completely, and yet still they fit together without flaw. "How do you feel?"

       Eun Yoo bites the inside of her cheek in an attempt to calm the rabbiting in her chest. "Good," she says. Not fine, never just fine. Not with him.

      "Good?" He echoes, tilting his head. "You're not...in pain or anything?" Eun Yoo watches a splash of red paint his cheeks, and feels her own warm in return. 

       "Ya-! You're awfully cocky, aren't you..." She grumbles under her breath. 

        Hyun-su bites his bottom lip like he's trying not to laugh, and she glares at him in a way she hopes is threatening (she knows it's not. It never is, not towards him). She's tempted to grab the pillow under her head and smack him with it, but that would mean moving, and moving would mean dislodging the hand rubbing up and down her waist. 

       "But..." 

        Eun you suddenly has an awful feeling. She narrows her eyes at him, "But?" 

        The hand on her waist drifts upwards to press against her ribs, and Hyun-su's eyes flicker downwards momentarily, quick enough that she almost doesn't catch it. He applies gentle pressure there. Like he's mesmerized by the way her diaphragm expands underneath his palm. 

         "But...you said it was good," there's a distinct tease to his voice that she still isn't used to hearing; that makes her ears burn. She wants to hit him more, now. 

       "You-! Who let you say things like that? Are you really that shameless--" 

        "Yes," he interrupts, and slides his hand up to graze the rough pad of his thumb along the underside of her breast. "I am. You didn't figure that out yet?" 

        Eun Yoo can count on one hand the amount of times she's ever been truly speechless. In fact, she barely even remembers most of them. But...right now...right now she really does think she must be hallucinating!

       Eun Yoo ducks her head and glares halfheartedly at the hand creeping upwards. Her hair falls in her face and obscures her vision. "Yah...I think you've forgotten...where we are..." 

        "I haven't," he says, and there's something different about it now. Something almost predatory, in the way his voice deepens. Something half familiar to her. "Have you?" 

      Eun Yoo's brows furrow and she looks up to find--

       To find deathly blue staring right back at her, inches away from her face. They swirl with something hungry, something greedy, and she thinks that she can see a little bit of that same rapture reflected back at her in his gaze. Eun Yoo's breath catches in her chest, stilling the serene rise and fall of her ribs under his palm.

       "Hyun-su, you..." She trails off and he tilts his head at her. She swallows thickly. "Where is Hyun-su?"

        "Right here," almost-Hyun-su says, and presses his fingers harder against her skin to feel the pulse underneath. Until it's all Eun Yoo can focus on: the heat of his palm, the slender outline of his fingers. The way warmth is steadily pooling in her stomach even though she knows-- she knows it shouldn't be. 

        "I'm right here," he says, and she shakes her head. 

       "The _real_ Hyun-su."

       He hums and closes the distance between them; places a firm hand on her naked thigh so that she can't get away. Stuck in place, from the intensity of his gaze and his touch. Just like Hyun-su.

         Achingly like Hyun-su.

       (Just as bright, just as radiant. Just as homely and gentle, even with the sharpness of his teeth and the hidden ferocity in his gaze. So blue, so endless; just as deep as the near ebony she reveres. 

       She can't help but be ashamed of the continuous peace in her chest.)

         "You said that last time, too," he said. Something akin to arrogance tips the corners of his soft mouth. "And yet...look where we ended up. I'm satisfied with the result." 

        "You're shameless," she says. 

        "You said that, too." 

         "Bring him back," she says, and there's a pleading edge to her voice that she doesn't want to think too deeply on. 

       And almost-Hyun-su stares at her with his oblivion eyes, like he's gazing right at her soul. It makes her throat close, how small she feels under that gaze. Under his touch. It makes her stomach ache, the way he just...looks at her. All of her. Unabashed and unashamed.

        "You bring him back," he says. Eun Yoo's trepidation is momentarily replaced with confusion. 

        "What?" 

        "If you want him back so badly, you can do it easily, can't you?" He asks, and the way he says it is borderline mocking. As if he truly believes she never could, or like maybe he thinks she's not as desperate for it as she is. 

        (And he's wrong. There isn't a world out there in which Eun Yoo could ever be okay with Hyun-su simply disappearing. Not a reality in which she would want him to no longer exist. 

      But...but maybe there is a small part of her, timid and hidden away as it is, that is not as afraid as she should be. That does not look into those ocean eyes and feel only fear and dread. That does not crave him to vanish completely. That says, as she stares at Hyun-su's face and hears Hyun-su's voice from Hyun-su's lips, perhaps they are one in the same.

        And how could she ever be afraid of a part of him?)

        "I don't understand," she says again. That hand trails back down to her ribs, to the steady rise and fall of her chest. Her heart beats too strong under his palm. 

         "Sure you do," he says, and leans forward until his wild bangs caress her forehead. "I'm right here." 

        And then he kisses her, a deep thing that sends her head reeling; that she doesn't have enough time to truly feel before she is falling, falling, falling.

       And then she is waking up.

      There's a certain fear Eun Yoo has.

      It sits on the back of her tongue like lead, waiting to be acknowledged. Waiting to be reflexively swallowed, to be gagged back up again when she can't deal with its reality. With the possibility. 

        Eun Yoo knows she's too greedy. 

       But it's not something she can help. She cannot tell herself no and then live her life undisturbed by these thoughts. She cannot deny herself the things she craves unconditionally; things she knows she shouldn't, but can't resist.

        (Like Hyun-su's touch and Hyun-su's voice and Hyun-su's neverending light. She craves to bask in it, to bathe in those lustrous rays. To drown herself in it; to submerge herself until breathing becomes inevitable and she can inhale deep enough to imprint him into her esophagus, into the fragile tissue of her lungs. 

          Until she is so full of his light and his life and his warmth that she could never feel cold again.)

        How could she? How could she stare these tempting desires down in a world as dark as this one? In a world where the closest human to her might be a dead body; where darkness shrouds even the brightest of lights. Where red stains, even after eons and eons and eons of washing. 

        Could she really be expected to simply refuse when the world told her she could have it? When she was handed her sun on a glowing platter, when her red was washed away with honey and syrup; sticky sugar a balm on her once frozen skin. 

         Eun Yoo was once so terrified of this life. This greed. She was once so shy in her admission of it. 

        (But what is the point in a life without greed? What is the purpose of a life spent sitting and standing and laying in one place, existing for existence's sake. With coldness numbing its own frost, dread carving out a hole in the rumbling remains of a starving stomach. A cavern, drilled right into the fiber of your very being. 

       Bird-boned, and yet still chained.)

       Eun Yoo can't help but wonder on the state of Yi-kyung's bones. If they've been hollowed out by life, or if she did it to herself willingly. She thinks there must be a certain tragedy there. That Yi-kyung has spent so long fearing greed and desire and warmth, that she pushed away the only thing she didn't need to fear it from. 

       (And she also thinks that it's quite scary. Quite terrifying, even: that someone as fearful of rapacity's clawed clutches, that someone who fought and ripped at her own skin just to avoid it, inevitably succumbed in the end.

        Eun Yoo can't help but think about what that means for her.) 

      Eun Yoo thinks that maybe she should start calling herself a prophet. It's ironic, considering she remembers mocking Chan-yeong for thinking himself a fortune teller (even more ironic that he had, in a way, been right).

      When Hyun-su wakes, the first thing he does is laugh in their faces. His eyes, raging sapphires that burn with overt derision, gaze down at her like she's an ant in the dirt. It's such a sudden change from the Hyun-su she knows - the one who touched her and kissed her and clung to her tightly - that she's seized by a momentary shock.

     He doesn't even glance at Chan-yeong, as if he's already decided that this man means absolutely nothing to him - less than nothing, even. Instead, he steps up to her in a purposeful gesture that leaves her feeling small; powerless to the weight of her own memories. To the vision of a Hyun-su who had done this to her not long before, and what it had led to. He looks at her like he knows exactly what she's thinking.

      "Please come with me, Hyun-su," she whispers. His hand feels like fire in her's; like lava personified. She wants desperately to lean into him, like it's an instinct. An animal urge she can't quite battle down. Like it's a part of her, to consistently seek him out, regardless of what form he takes.

     Hyun-su stares at her, an unidentifiable fervor swimming in his eyes. Behind it lurks an unknown but undeniably ferocious creature, staring at her unabashedly. His fingers twitch in her grip, like he's trying to keep them purposefully still, but she still feels the way they tighten incrementally before he rips them away. Lingering.

     He lowers his wing to the ground with a grating noise and smirks. "Interesting," he says, and Eun Yoo feels the way his eyes trace down her body like he's plastered himself against her.

     Fire.

     "I've woken up exactly three times, and you were there for each one," he continues. "I wonder...why you stayed?"

     "I was waiting for you," she says honestly. Tries not to let her heart pound too hard when he gives her a grin that shows each of his pointy canines.

     "Waiting for me?" He asks. "Or Cha Hyun-su?"

     And there's something beyond that smirk, beyond the indifferent amusement in his ocean eyes. Beyond the way he looms over her threateningly. Something that feels a lot like he's testing her, like he expects her to respond a certain way. Or not at all.

     And, well. Eun Yoo has never been one to back down from a challenge, and so she says the first thing that comes to mind:

     "Is there a difference?"

     He blinks at her, and that haughty smirk falters for a moment, just enough to let her see the change in his gaze. The way his eyes flicker rapid-fire all over her face, and she gets a distinct feeling of deja vu at the way he angles his head downwards.

     Her stomach lurches when she sees where his eyes have strayed.

     So, perhaps she can call herself a prophet. Perhaps, if the situation weren't so harrowing and she wasn't stuck on the knowledge that Hyun-su might be lost to her forever, she would find it incredibly amusing.

     But, then Hyun-su (not-Hyun-su, almost-Hyun-su, still her Hyun-su) is staring at her from across a campfire, accidentally crushing containers of spam in his hand and-- and she really shouldn't feel so fond at the sight. Shouldn't feel this warm swell her chest at the surprise on his handsome features, like he was completely unaware of his own strength. Shouldn't feel like it takes everything in her not to grab onto his arm and plaster herself to his side but--

     But it does. It does take everything within her. Takes more than that, even. To look at him and tell herself, greed and all, no.

     This Hyun-su (her Hyun-su) looks at her like he can't look away. The fire reflects the abyss in his gaze, the beasts hidden away inside. It makes them shine brighter, somehow. As if he didn't already shine enough.

     And Eun Yoo can't help the way she stares back. Can't help the ache in her chest when he rubs his fingers together (do his hands feel empty? Hers certainly do), when he visibly chews on the inside of his cheek in a gesture she's seen her Hyun-su do countless times, lost in thought. Can't help the way her breath stutters in her chest when his eyes drop lower, below her gaze, with a look of intensity that is far too familiar.

     (And maybe it's wrong of her to crave him even now. To wish that she had the courage to get up and sit beside him, to take his hand again, to feel those rough calluses drag against her own, to intertwine their fingers and keep him there: right by her side where he belongs, monster or not.

     But an overwhelming part of her whispers with agitation, and lead settles in her stomach like a trepidatious weight. He looks at her through those flames, bares the ocean in his eyes to her inspection like he's daring her to get close, and she can't help but think--

     What if he pulls away again?)

     And she dwells on these thoughts even as she runs for her life. They buzz around in her head, between her ears, like an infestation of flies; impossible to ignore, inspiring dread and anticipation that makes her sloppy, that has her tripping over her own feet and--

     And Hyun-su is the one that saves her.

     Then everything is happening all at once. She's watching him walk away from her, seeing flashbacks to a night that still quivers her chest. He doesn't look back, not once, and she is forced to watch as he disregards her completely and instead disappears into the trees. Gone, just like that.

     And Eun Yoo remembers her panic. Remembers the blind haze falling over her brain like scratchy linen. Remembers the way her heart had nearly beat and beat and beat its way out of her chest. Remembers the desolate emptiness, how hollow it felt to return back to that campfire and find only Chan-yeong and Ha-ni waiting for her, alone.

     And she remembers how it felt, locking eyes with Eun-hyeok through the car door. Remembers the numbness in his gaze, the complete dismissal of her presence. How he had looked away from her without a single care in the world, even as she chased him down. Remembers finding him locked in a fierce battle with the very man she ached for, apathy wafting off of him in waves.

     So lifeless, so empty, as if he too had been hollowed-out by the world. Had relished in it, even: the knowledge that he was now completely bird-boned.

     (No cage, no chains. He transferred them all to her. The second he stared at her like he couldn't care less, the moment he told her that she simply was not important enough--

     All of it, chain after chain after chain.

     Crushing her, surrounding her, begging to carve her open and spill her innards across the ground. It would have hurt less, she thinks, if he had simply shoved his hand through her chest and wrenched out the bleeding remains of her heart. At least then she wouldn't have to look at him anymore. At the way he carelessly throws bygone glasses to the ground; the way he shrugs, and tells her so what.

     How he so effortlessly shatters every bit of her; all of the pieces she had so painstakingly glued together, in the hopes that they would form a nice enough picture to be convincing. All of the shards she had bled out on, preparing for his arrival, to be able to smile at him and say I missed you without letting him see how deeply each moment had cut. Trying to mask the cracks throughout because old Eun-hyeok would have wanted her to be happy. Would have told her to live her life, to move on. Would have wanted her to bask in the sun and not worry too much about all the darkness out there, and whether or not he had been swallowed by it. It's all the same, he would say. What difference would it make to know or not? Just...live.

    And he would have known her better than that.)

     This Eun-hyeok looks at her like he couldn't care less if she went and died right in front of him. Like he didn't sacrifice everything to give her a future -- his diploma, his job, his friends, all of it. Like he didn't hold her hand when she had nightmares, or try his hardest to fix her ankle so she could dance again.

     And she can't help the way she breaks down. Can't help how that painstakingly built image shatters in moments, crumbles to dust under the weight of his unforgivingly indifferent stare. No hatred, no love, no disgust or pity. Simply...nothing.

     He watches her cry silently, and maybe that is worse. The knowledge that to her brother she is not a friend, or an enemy, or even just an acquaintance.

     She is simply...nothing.

     And Hyun-su-- Hyun-su is still stuck in that fucking train. Melting under its weight, caving in to crush him, to burn him alive, and that really only makes it worse. The knowledge that today she could lose not just one, but two of the men she lo--

      "Wait for him," Eun-hyeok says. Eun Yoo doesn't know where to look: at the blood smeared unnaturally across his face or at the concaved walls of the train, like a crushed soda can. Can't figure out where she should put her attention: on the man who seemed entirely indifferent to the situation, or the one who had spent the better portion of last night kissing her and touching her and warming her to the core.

     "Our bet isn't over yet," she whispers to herself, feeling utterly helpless. "So please...get out of there."

     (I need you, she wants to say instead. Please, I need you.)

     "Is he dead?" Eun-hyeok asks carelessly, as if such a thought is nothing more than mildly disappointing. "I thought he'd be useful, but I guess I was wrong."

     And Eun Yoo-- Eun Yoo feels something akin to rage fill her. Sudden and violent, a molten boil settling under her skin, bubbling in her veins. This man...she looks at him and sees not a shadow of the man she loved. The man she called her brother, blood or not. She looks at him and can't recognize a single thing she sees.

     As if he is nothing but a swirling void standing on two legs.

     "Watch your mouth," she practically spits. She hears him start to walk away, but she remains. Standing. Watching. Waiting.

     (Promise me...that we'll stay together she had asked, had all but pleaded. And he had looked at her like he couldn't believe her, like he was afraid to believe her. Of what it could mean.

     But he had promised her, all the same.

      In the end, it really did appear that Hyun-su...was the only one who had never lied to her.

      (Please, she thinks again. Doesn't know who she's asking, or begging. Please keep our promise.)

      And he does. Of course he does.

      (Because...because he always has. Because every time without fail, Hyun-su has always kept his promises. Has never let her down. Has never once made her think that perhaps this time...

      Because he has always come back to her.)

      The train explodes from the inside, sending molten metal flying every which way. And out steps Hyun-su, wing fire-tipped and scorched, looking up to meet her eyes and revealing--

      Brown. Beautiful, chocolate brown that has never failed to make her stomach knot. It's the color she's come to associate with sweetness, with home, with safety. With the knowledge that she is not alone.

     "I'm sorry I took so long," he tells her tentatively, as if that matters at all. As if she hadn't forgiven him the moment he looked at her, the moment he stepped out of the flames, even. As if she had blamed him in the first place.

      The urge to kiss him is a sudden thing, desperate and insatiable in its insistence; Hyun-su looks at her like he's thinking the exact same thing. Like he too is hung up on the idea, like he too is feeling the ache like a drug withdrawal.

     But, she can only cup his face and relish in the way he leans into it. Can only stroke his cheek with the tips of her fingers and try not to seek out more.

      (She's always seeking out more, though. It doesn't matter how hard she tries or how deep she buries it. She's too selfish at her core. Too greedy.

      And so she wants, all the same.)

      Eun Yoo looks at her brother and finds a great nothingness behind his eyes. An emptiness that feels like ice itself. Like sorrow and desolation and melancholy all at once. A blankness so great that the only thing they can do is reflect the light, rather than create it. She looks at Hyun-su, and at the sun rays spilling from behind his pupils, how he lights the fires rather than imitates them. How warm he feels, where he lingers in her brain.

     She looks at both of these men and finds herself incomparably sad, suddenly. Incomparably joyful.

     The world has taken Eun-hyeok's once-light and twisted it; warped it into something that fancies itself darkness. Changed him, perhaps even at his core, into someone she cannot read.

      And the world has tried its hardest to do the same to Hyun-su. Has tried to snuff out his light with rain and ocean water and his very own tears. Has tried and failed, each time.

     He still smiles at her, that soft, achingly tender thing. Like they're not in the middle of what could aptly be labeled an apocalypse. Like they're not standing on the charred remains of a world slowly rotting from the inside. Like they're not all rotting with it.

      And from the corner of her eye, Eun Yoo sees the way Eun-hyeok glances at them. A slow thing, deliberately observational, like he doesn't quite know what to make of it. And for the first time, she sees something else behind his ice eyes. Sees something that looks a little bit like the old Eun-hyeok; like her Eun-hyeok, and she thinks that maybe they do not have to be synonymous.

     I learn quickly, he had said, impassionate. But I don't have my emotions.

     "So learn," she tells him right back.

      And Eun Yoo walks behind these two men, both too tall for their own good, and feels a swell in her chest; desire in its most base form.

     For the first time in perhaps her entire life, Eun Yoo has the two things she wants most. She has her brother, monster or not, emotions or not. She has him at her side, icing her but never scorning, freezing her but never breaking. She has Hyun-su, glancing back at her with adoring smiles that still make her heart stutter, even after all this time. Slowing down his pace to allow her to catch up, like he always has and always will. Always waiting for her to catch up.

     (Always tugging her the rest of the way.)

      She has, in terms of this world, everything. Everything and more. Her family, at her side. A bright future ahead of her, even as the world tries to bleaken it. Her two precious people, both alive and here and real.

      Yet still, she cannot help but want more.

      I want to stay with them, she thinks. I don't want to lose them again.

      And maybe that's why it is not a surprise, in the end.

      It is ironic that her brother's voice is what she would hear. That this is the form her greed would choose to take. It rings in her head, starting as this little buzz that she just can't shake, until his forced indifference and cold facade is all she can hear. All she can see, all she can focus on. She smells the cologne he used to wear, something floral and stereotypically medical. The hand sanitizer he used and the lotion he favored.

      All smells and sights and sounds that had faded from memory; left to be bygones as such frivolous objects were left to rot. But she feels it now. The sting of hand sanitizer in a cut long healed, the stench of sterilizer clogging her nostrils, his voice resonating in her head like it's coming from a megaphone. Like it's all around her, on every side.

     Inescapable.

     We survivors...must stick together.

      She makes eye contact with Hyun-su, who stares at whatever expression she is making with trepidation. His face goes blank, and then pales all at once; she sees the way the corner of his mouth twitches as he approaches her on hurried steps, and wants to reassure him somehow. Wants to let him know that she's fine, wants to lie, at first. If only so that he won't look at her like that anymore: like she's fading right before his very eyes.

      She can't hear a single thing he says to her, ears ringing with we must stick together, and then suddenly all she can see is Eun-hyeok turning away, continuing on without them.

     She can't bear to watch him go; can't bear to lose either of them once more and she knows--

      She knows it's what got her here in the first place. But, she just can't help it.

      It's just...who she is.

     (And she would rather die. Would rather become the most grotesque, malformed abomination on this rotten earth than watch him walk away from her again. Watch him dismiss her so blatantly. Would rather peel herself from her own skin than say goodbye to this bright future when finally, finally--

     Finally, she has what she wants.

     And if it means that she gets to keep it...if this path means that she will get to wake up every morning with Hyun-su's light in her eyes and Eun-hyeok's indifferent face existing down at her, she would walk it without hesitation. She would carve open one of those cocoons, if she had to, if it meant that she could emerge to sunlight.)

     "Eun-hyeok," she calls. He turns to her, and the ringing stops. "Thank you."

     He tilts his head at her, a silent gesture of inquiry that, despite everything, has remained the same.

      "Thank you for showing up."

     And he stares, and stares, and stares. Emptiness in his eyes and the curve of his mouth, a chilling numbness in his stance.

     This time, when he turns away from her, she knows it will be alright.

     "Hyun-su," she whispers. Her eyes feel uncomfortably warm when he looks at her. "Just follow this road...you'll know when you get close."

     The hesitancy in his eyes rips at her chest. He hides it horribly, or maybe that's just her. Maybe she just sees too deeply into him. Maybe, despite all of his light, he still cannot blind her.

     "If you can't walk..." He starts, and swallows like his throat hurts. His voice shakes. "I'll carry you."

     The smile she gives him is genuine, even after all of this. How could it not be? It's Hyun-su she's smiling at. And if this is the last of her he sees...

     She wants his last memory of her to be a smile.

     (And if this is the last of him she sees...she wants to ingrain it in her head. Wants to remember his sunny eyes and the warmth in his touch. Wants the last thing she sees to be his smile, gentle and loving as it always has been.

     If she can never see him again...she wants to remember him, at least.)

     "You know what?" She asks, and gives him her brightest smile. "People are going to be so happy to see you."

     I was.

     I am.

     His jaw tenses. "Get to the point."

     Eun Yoo swallows the lump rapidly building in her throat, tries not to think about how beautiful he is, how bright. Because, if she starts thinking about all that, then she'll be thinking about everything she might lose, and if she starts thinking about everything she might lose then--

     It really might be the thing that breaks her.

     She should have known he would know her better than that.

     "What is it?" He asks, and steps forward a bit more, reaching for her.

     She's afraid to let him touch her; wants desperately to let him touch her just one more time. It scares her, that just once would never be enough.

     (It terrifies her, what this greed might turn her into.

     Yet still...she thinks of a life in which she is left alone, with nobody at her side. A life in which she has allowed her fear of desire to push everyone away. A life without Eun-hyeok's cold frown and Hyun-su's glow. Without ever seeing how he looked at her, then. So carefree and teasing and happy.

     Forever stuck underground, lingering in the dark with nothing but phantom memories to eat at her.

     And she would rather be the most vile, abhorrently covetous creature in the world than succumb to that reality.)

     "If I change like Eun-hyeok," she manages to force out, and watches his expression morph in seconds. The sadness there, the hopelessness. She wants to shake her head and grab his shoulders, to tell him everything will be alright because...because...

     (Because she has him. She has him and that's enough, she thinks, to get her through this. But, she can't give him that. Can't tell him without a doubt that she will make it, that they will make it.

     She can't lie to him.)

     Her chest burns at the way he looks at her, at how dim the light has become. She wants to rip out her own light, she realizes. Wants to hold up her hopeful torch and hand it away to him, even if it leaves her frigid and fractured. For the first time in her life, Eun Yoo wants to warm someone else with her fire.

     (Would give it all to him, if she didn't know he would refuse it.)

     "Then...then please..."

     Please don't leave me.

     Please don't hate me.

     She takes a fortifying breath and smiles again, probably the brightest she ever has. Hopes that he believes it; that he overlooks her tears.

     "Help me relearn everything," she says. "And be patient with me even if I'm rude to you, huh?"

     Hyun-su...please...stay by my side.

     "Are you not..." He starts, voice dying halfway like he's choked on the words. "...going to tell Eun-hyeok?"

     She feels her smile falter, the way her bottom lip wobbles in place. His eyes fall to it and the silent answer hidden inside. When he looks back up at her, his eyes glisten with tears.

     "I'll bring them back no matter what," he says. Determination floods his tone and he raises his chin up higher; it's a gesture she knows she has done many times, and can't help the way her heart flutters, even now, at seeing him reflect those parts of her. "We have to meet them again."

     And Eun Yoo hears what he doesn't say. It's written all over the hard edges in his voice, the silent plea in his words, like he's begging her, begging the world. And she believes him; god, does she believe him.

     Hyun-su has never once broken a promise to her.

     (She won't break this one to him.)

     And when he kisses her, she believes him even more. Remembers when he told her, tease like music to her ears, aren't kisses stronger? Remembers how it felt like a thread had wrapped around her finger, around her heart and her very soul, as their thumbs pressed together.

     We will meet again.

     Eun Yoo doesn't know where she's going.

     She wanders aimlessly, guided only by the buzzing in her ears. Little flashes of voices she vaguely recognizes, occasional glimpses of shadows she barely remembers. She thinks that she should remember them, that they deserve to be
remembered.

     And yet still, she cannot muster up the energy to honor them.

      The ringing starts when she loses sight of Hyun-su; a shrill, echoing chime like the sound of a school bell, the clamor of rapid footsteps on squeaky floors. Tobacco fills her lungs, the acrid burn of liquor on her tongue. Laughter, bright and self-deprecating, underlined with silent scorn and ridicule. All around her, swarming her; uncomfortably loud music pounding in her ears, quickly replaced by the serene sound of a ballet tempo, turning round and round and round, spinning in circles, cheering, phantom pain in her ankle--

     Stop, stop, stop she thinks, pressing her nails into her skull as if she could rip it open and banish these illusions. Delusions. Stop, stop, stop.

     Eun Yoo stumbles over a hidden mass, barely catching herself in time, throwing her weight into her next grand jeté, soaring high, high, high, and then too far, too far, too far. Twisting too quickly, spinning out of control, lights flashing in her eyes as she rights herself on the stage, on the concrete.

     Her ankle still throbs.

     Such a simple mistake.

     There are monsters all around her, in her delusions and otherwise. They claw at the ground, sniffing at the crusted red and the carcasses all around them; gorging themselves, chasing after anything that moves. They feast their vulture eyes on her and she remains expressionless, as if what she has just done was on purpose. As if it hadn't happened at all. A plié, an arabesque, spinning three pirouettes in rapid fire until her head swirls, dizzy on the next chassé.

     The creatures all crawl around in search of something foreign, something she cannot discern and does not care to. They stay out of each other's way, purposefully avoiding one another until conflict becomes inevitable, existing in reluctant harmony.

     And perhaps that is what breaks her from the buzzing, from the stage and the onlookers.

     None of them spares her a glance.

     She walks for an hour, for ten, for perhaps years and years and years. Loses track of time completely, it is meaningless in the end.

     Eun Yoo doesn't know where she's going.

     The quiet whispers tell her to go forward, and she listens without thought. They tell her to turn right, then left, then right again, and she does so without thought. They tell her to keep going, through the wasteland beyond her sight, through the ashes and the corpses and all of the once-people that scamper about.

     There's less of them now.

     She does so without thought.

     Eun Yoo sees cocoons all over; hanging from cars and window panes. They pulse to the rhythm of the laughter in her head, the sobbing of people she thinks she once knew, and she wonders what is inside.

     (They call to her, too. Silent encouragement, quiet safety chilling her to the core. She will be safe here, she thinks. For what, she isn't sure.)

     And then all at once, the whispering stops, and she is left startlingly clear-headed.

     When her brain loses the fog, she focuses her eyes to find that the space she occupies is achingly familiar. Horrifyingly so, in how broken it is.

     She finds her own bed covered in soot and concrete dust, the blankets exactly as she had left them. The walls seem to shake with their own deep inhales, expanding cracks lining her vision, falling inevitably on the torn remains of the person she used to be: shredded skirt and ripped fabric and all. She did that herself, she thinks in a daze. She wonders what she means.

     She closes her eyes and breathes in shakily, lets her feet carry her to the bed. She sits there tentatively, partially afraid that it will collapse underneath her and shove her back underground; back to where the light does not filter in through the few remaining windows. Back to where she has only the damp drip of leaky piping and her thoughts of a better place, a brighter place, to lull her to sleep.

     The blood cascades down her chin like a waterfall, like tears. Warm and bitter as it seeps through the part in her lips, coats her tongue in all her broken hopes, in all the comfort she's ever craved.

     She opens her eyes once more and finds that the walls have lost their cracks, sunlight creeping in to mend them. There are plants in the window that weren't there before, that never have been; soil fresh and earthy. The posters on her wall glare under the spill of light, reflecting words she used to live by, a person she used to want to be.

     A hand slips into hers, warm and soft.

     "What are you doing here?" Eun-hyeok asks softly, and Eun Yoo wants to laugh. Can't help but laugh, through the red on her skin and her nose and her mouth, through the tears on her face, through the ache in her chest.

     "I looked everywhere for you," he says, and from inside the kitchen there is a clamor. "I told you it's safer for us to stay together."

     Eun Yoo's chest caves in, squishing her heart underneath her ribs, cracking her bones underneath all the pressure. She stares at Eun-hyeok's gentle face and gentle eyes, and the glasses on the bridge of his nose. Remembers how it had felt, watching him toss them to the ground.

     "Are you still mad at me?"

     His eyes, still so empty.

     She shakes her head and knows instantly that it's true. That perhaps she hadn't even been mad in the first place. That, like usual, Eun Yoo had once again screamed her heart out to cover up the sound of its shattering.

     Always so rough, so loud, even where it doesn't count.

     "It's all right," he says, and squeezes her hand like he doesn't quite know how to. Like he's just imitating a gesture he thinks will please her. It makes her chest throb, how clearly he resembles the Eun-hyeok that had left her behind. How he resembles, at his core, the one who had returned.

     There's another noise from the kitchen, footsteps headed their way. Eun-hyeok doesn't take his eyes off of her, as if he hasn't even registered them.

     And Eun Yoo is afraid to look. Afraid of what she knows she'll see. Because if she looks, if she looks and finds what she already knows is there, it might really break her. Might take all of what's left inside of her; might hollow her out completely.

     (And she doesn't want to be bird-boned. Not if it means being chained, too.)

     "I told you she'd be back," Hyun-su says, leaning casually against the wall. And that's--

     That's all it takes.

     The flood inside of her bursts forward once more, choking her in saltwater, crimson slipping down her cheeks. Eun Yoo digs the heels of her palms into her eyes, can't bear to look at it all anymore. Can't bear to rip her hand away from the one cradling it, even as it hurts. Even as it burns her very skin from its loveliness, its beauty.

     It really is...such a wonderful dream.

     And Eun Yoo understands now. She understands what has kept all of these people trapped inside their own minds. Understands perfectly why so few people ever escape it.

     She doesn't...know if she can escape it.

     An uncontrollable sob bursts from her through gritted teeth, her breath coming out rapid and shaky and it burns and burns and burns. Burns, the way this imaginary-Eun-hyeok continues to rub his thumb against her hand; gentle, comforting. Burns, the way the light sinks into Hyun-su's skin and highlights every bit of him, drawn to its source; so bright it seeps through her fingers and demands to be seen.

     She doesn't want to see it anymore.

     (She wonders if this is what Hyun-su has been fighting against this entire time. If he has somehow had the willpower to resist its temptation. She doesn't think she can say no to this. Doesn't think she can choose to walk away from it.

     She doesn't know how he did it.)

     They're so lovely, so beautiful. The kind of thing she couldn't have dared to dream even in her most dreadful moments. Even when all she craved was to leave her body, the darkness. To travel somewhere bright.

     And there are arms wrapping around her, fake and imaginary and everything she wants to feel, in that moment. Warmth surrounding her completely and utterly as she sobs and sobs and sobs. Sobs like she never has before because of course.

     Of course the one time she would finally get to have this...is all fake.

     "It could have at least been realistic", she sobs out, crying into the fabric against her cheek. "This...feels too much like a lie."

     (And yet still, it is one that she craves.

     It is warm and bright and comforting. It is everything she has ever wanted, and for that she knows that it could never be real.

     But Eun Yoo can't help it. Can't help the way she lets the warmth cradle her. Can't help the way she falls for its perfection.

     She is only human.

     She can't live without the warmth.)

     And so she drifts into its beautiful lie willingly, and can only hope that she will manage to come out the other side.

    There is a boy who finds her, afterwards.

     He is beautiful.

     He radiates light from every angle, as if he has been suffused with it. Spilling from every pore, highlighting every follicle of hair. An eternity in his eyes.

     Sunlight.

     She feels like she should know him.

     And yet...she does not.

     It's an uncomfortable itch that this boy ignites in her. His presence pushes at her brain, persistent and demanding. He picks her up from the floor with a gentleness reserved for precious things and sets her on the bed in the corner (she doesn't understand why he would pick her up like that), cleans the slick goop from her shoulders and her arms and her stomach and her legs - from all over her - with meticulous care.

     He doesn't look at her, and she finds it curious that she thinks he should. Not...not want (and wouldn't that be odd?), but she thinks that if he did look at her, it would be the better option.

     It's purely instinctive, the way her hand finds his chin and angles his face upwards.

     His eyelashes are pretty, and damp.

     She fights the urge to brush her thumb over them, and nearly furrows her eyebrows in confusion. How strange...what an unnatural thought to have. He gazes up at her with parted lips, and she blinks slowly, deliberately, feeling like the action costs her great energy.

     "Do I..." She starts slowly. "Do you...know me?"

     And the boy sucks in a slow breath at those words, like he's been hit in the face. Her eyes flicker to the way his fingers curl around the bed sheets in them, and then back to his.

     Even more peculiar.

     He stares at her for another moment, and she stares back. There are bright specks in his eyes, she realizes. Like little broken chips of honey, or gold. It's a little bit hard to look away from him, like this. In general.

     She can't look away.

     And then his gaze slowly drops, and he resumes his ministrations.

     Gentle.

     Warm.

     Once her skin is free from the viscous slime, he gets to his feet and towers over her. It's a familiar gesture, one that pulls at her brain and makes her lean back on her hands, trying to get a better look at him. But, even that doesn't help; it only makes the itch in her spine grow ever more fierce.

     She feels like she should know him.

     "Come on," he whispers, and it's the first time she's heard him speak. He has a nice voice, she thinks privately. Gentle and soothing, powerful without being loud. He coaxes her to stand on wobbly feet; her legs feel like jelly, like foreign entities recently attached.

     He takes off his jacket, a few holes torn into the arms, and wraps it around her shoulders. It drapes over her and she instinctively huddles deeper into it, pulling it around to cover her breasts and her thighs, slipping her arms through the sleeves. It is...warm. Warm, like him.

     (He's always so warm)

     When she lifts her head back up, she finds that he is already staring down at her, eyes gleaming and full of unknown things. Things she has no hope of imagining, but she thinks there is something a little bit sad about this boy's sunshine eyes. Thinks that it's out of place on his face, that it shouldn't be there.

     (It doesn't feel right for it to be there.

     She wonders why that is.)

     "Let's go home," he says after a moment, voice soft. Like he fears she might shatter if he speaks too loudly.

     (She might. Her limbs feel all wonky, like they don't quite fit, and her skin is like foreign rubber stretched over plastic bones; unnatural, disfigured. As if all the once-physical blemishes have retreated underneath; hidden themselves away on the inside, where no one but her could ever acknowledge them.)

    "Home?" She asks, tilting her head. "Is there one?"

     "Yes," he says, and holds out his hand. "I'll show you."

     She takes it.

     (His fingers are warm, too.)

     They set up camp a few miles away from the apartment complex; well, the boy sets up camp. She just sits on the stray log he had placed her on--

     ("Do you want me to carry you?" He had asked, eyeing the way her legs trembled underneath her.

     She glanced at him dispassionately. "Want?" She echoes. "What do you mean?"

     And his jaw did a funny thing, then, like he was grinding up something tough between his teeth. He inhaled deeply and looked back at her, eyes bright and sad all at once.

     "I can carry you," he stated, firmer this time.

     She simply shrugged and tried to ignore the peculiar way her stomach swooped as he wound an arm around her waist.)

     --and watches with a vague sense of hyper-focused detachment as he lights a fire. The glow reflects the abyss in his pupils, sending an image of herself right back at her when he raises his head.

     He sits, and she watches with a mix of curious apathy as he rummages through the bag next to him, pulling out a metal compartment of some sort. It jogs a faint memory in her mind, like a puzzle piece falling into place, and she thinks spam.

     "Here," he says, offering it to her. She takes it slowly; she's pretty sure this is an edible item, right? It's for eating.

     She goes to pull the top off, only for it to rip in half in her hands, sending meat paste all over the grass and smearing it across her fingers. She blinks, dumbfounded, and for a moment sees someone else in her place. Someone taller, broader, and reminiscent of the boy in front of her.

     He lets out a sharp breath through his nose, like the sound of restrained laughter, and pulls out another one. "Ah...I did that too..."

     Yes she thinks, fighting the urge to narrow her eyes, to get a better glimpse at this memory-boy. You did.

     He opens this one for her and pulls out a plastic item - a spoon - then sets them down carefully in her awaiting palms.

     He doesn't take one for himself, though, and instead just watches in silence as she tentatively touches it with her tongue. It's nauseatingly salty and she's not fond of the texture, but the expectant look he gives her makes her choke it down anyway. She doesn't know why, but when he looks at her like that, it's like something deeper within compels her to listen.

     "Is this home?" She asks after she swallows.

     "Eh?" He blinks at her, and then looks around. "No, this is temporary. Home is...there's a place with more people; people like us."

     "Us?" She echoes, and tilts her head slowly. He doesn't look very abnormal, but there's a dangerous air underneath all that sunshine.

     He nods and does a funny thing with his mouth, then - tilting upwards at the corners, showing just the slightest bit of teeth. It makes his eyes brighter, somehow; those little golden shards sparkle. "Us."

     "Okay," she says. "Shouldn't we just go now? It would be more practical..."

     He makes that noise again, a huff of air through his nose. "You sound like Eun-hyeok."

     "Who?" She asks, her brain giving an alarming tingle, as if there's an insect scratching at her temporal lobe. As if she has, once again, forgotten something vitally important.

     The unnatural look slips off his face slowly, like water dripping down glass. It makes something in her chest throb and she can't help but rub the area above her steadily beating heart in confusion.

     "You'll meet him," he says after a moment of silence, and she nods slowly.

     "I know," and it's a sudden thing because she does know somehow. Doesn't know why or how or when, but she knows it like an animal knows when to eat, when to sleep. She will meet him.

     The unnatural look returns, some of that despondent gleam leaving his eyes. It settles something strange in her chest, to see him so...pleased? It makes her feel like she has done something she's supposed to do. Like this is just a part of her purpose, and isn't that strange? To be drawn so instinctively to this glowing boy...

     She can't pinpoint why.

     (And then the sun starts to rise.

     And then the sun starts to rise and it casts its beaming rays down at her, gently caressing her cheeks. The sun starts to rise and highlights the chlorophyll in the grass, and the petals of daisy weeds; drowns out the flames in the fire and warms every inch of skin it touches.

     She can't help but lean into it, extend her legs outwards to expose more of her skin to its light, its warmth. It feels like a balm, the way it rises and rises and rises, brightening her.

      It is...pleasant.

     And she looks up and sees the boy staring right at her, sunshine dripping over the line of his jaw, sprinkling the bridge of his nose, pooling in his collarbones like little golden oceans. It makes his eyes look like pockets of starlight, she thinks. Like broken angel halos.

     Oh, she wonders. That makes sense.)

     "Cha Hyun-su," she says, and feels something in her quiver at the way he smiles.

     It's...strange.

     She remembers this man. Remembers him clear as day, as if he were a part of her all along. As if he had broken off a shard of his soul and stitched it into hers, like red string woven through broken fabric threads. Like there could never be a time where she didn't remember him, where he ceased to occupy her every thought.

     Eun Yoo - and that is her name, a steady current of fractured memories, half-knowledge seeping into her brain with every bead of sunlight on his skin - finds it even stranger: she remembers his warmth, and his glow, and all of his safety scent. Remembers being smiled at by him, rejected by him, held by him. Remembers the feeling of his skin on hers, on top of him and underneath him and pressed against him, all of her.

     Remembers the strength in his arms as he caught her from certain death, how safe she had felt, even cradled in his bone-shard wing. The plea in his eyes as he tells her what is essentially a cold get lost; how he had come back only a day later and leaned in to her touch. His lips on her - her lips, her skin, her everything. His laughter and his cheeky grins, and everything that made him shine so brightly.

     And yet...

     And yet...

     She looks at these memories, held underneath a graying cloud of obscurity, and wonders what it was like to be herself, in that moment. Wonders what made her mouth move like that, what made her eyes burn like that, what made her throat close like that. Wonders why she had done any of it, what had motivated her towards it. Surely, he is safe. Surely, he is strong and powerful. But, she had survived that long without him by her side, hadn't she? Why go looking for a man who could only offer her light?

     It's like watching an old video feed, a past-her too distant to truly understand, too different. She remembers seeing him walk away and feeling odd in her chest, remembers seeing him come back and feeling equally so.

     She sees him leave and thinks I was sad, but cannot tell what this sadness feels like. She sees him turn his back on her and thinks I was angry, and cannot comprehend such a thing. Sees herself smiling, laughing and gasping underneath him and thinks: I was...happy?

     She wonders what it feels like, to be those things. To be so sad that you scream it away, to be so angry that you erupt into flames, to be so happy that you show your teeth without threat. Wonders if it had a cause at all, or if humans don't need anything to feel that way. If she simply had been.

     (And she imagines what it would be like to feel those things now. Whether they would stem from somewhere, or simply appear. Wonders if they have a focal point, or if it just takes you over.

     She can't even formulate the idea.)

     Hyun-su leads her along an invisible path through the trees, and she can't help but blatantly stare at his side profile. He looks...pleased, maybe? Is that what that is? And she wonders what has caused it, whether it has a cause at all.

     The thing about Hyun-su is, he confuses her.

     The memories aren't the problem: of course she has them. All people like her have them, and that's not the point. The point is the way she feels when she looks at him - or doesn't feel at all.

     Like there's something lodged in her chest, like she's got a layer of saran wrap encasing her brain, her heart, wherever those confusing past-things originated from. He smiles at her, little fond twitches of his lip that make her feel like she should feel something. Like this blankness in her is abnormal, like she is abnormal. Her legs stopped wobbling some time ago, but he still keeps close to her side like he's waiting to catch her if she falls, and there's a squirm in her chest that doesn't seem quite right: like a dam blocking a once rapidly flowing river.

     Eun Yoo does not know what Hyun-su means when he says things like want and would you like. She doesn't understand the look he gets in his eyes when she points it out to him.

     "It's when you crave something," he says. "When you want something...you long for it deep within you."

     He stops walking and turns to her suddenly, swiping his tongue over his bottom lip. She follows his lead, and finds herself fascinated by the motion. He tells her there are different levels of want, that sometimes it is more of a need, while staring so deep into her eyes that it makes her feel as if she is still newly hatched and bare.

     Eun Yoo understands need, she thinks. She needs food and needs sleep and needs air to stay alive. She doesn't understand the way he says it, though. As if there are intangible things you can need too; as if you can crave and long for something so much that it becomes one of those staying alive things. So intimate to who you are that it becomes inherent.

     She wants to ask him if he has any of those need-wants. If they've ever changed or gone away. Wants to ask if they hurt him as badly as he makes it sound.

     (She doesn't know why she doesn't ask.)

     Eun Yoo thinks there might have been a time she had these need-wants. He speaks as if they are innate, as if every person - human or otherwise - acquires them at some point.

     "Sometimes," he says, sounding severe. "They're the only things that keep a person alive."

     And that is confusing as well. How could a want keep someone alive? How could a simple desire outrun death itself? It makes no sense. Eun Yoo is alive because she breathes and eats and sleeps. Hyun-su is alive because he also does these things. Is that not how it works for everyone? Are there people in the world who run only on the force of their desire and their desire alone?

     "What's the point of living if you can't have things you want?" He asks. "If you can't be happy?"

     "Does having the things they want make people happy?" She asks.

     "Sometimes," he says. "Sometimes not. It depends on what the want is, and whether or not it's strong enough."

    People seem too complicated, she wants to say. That really is too confusing. They can want and it can keep them alive, but sometimes even that doesn't work? Why want at all, then?

     "Are you happy?" She asks instead, unsure as to why.

     The smile he gives her is small, like he's reserved it just for her. "I am."

     He says it so easily, as if he doesn't even have to think about it. She wonders if it really is that easy to tell, what with all the different emotions people seem to have.

     (Wonders if that means she is technically not a person anymore, for not being burdened by their weight.)

     She can't tell if he looks happy, thinks maybe he does. His smile is the same as it is in her memories, if tinged with a little bit of something melancholic. Is it possible to be both happy and sad at once? Are they not opposite emotions? If it is, she thinks that he looks that way. Happy and sad.

     She wonders if there's a word for that.

     Eun Yoo doesn't have any wants, not like he seems to. Perhaps she could claim that she wants to eat and wants to sleep and wants to breathe, because she needs them. But, if she thinks very hard on it, the loss of these things would be at most a minor inconvenience. She would always be reborn, in the end. He says that wants can be needs, but if she is a being that does not want, does that not mean she has everything she needs?

     (Or does it simply mean that she has nothing at all?)

     Either way, she doesn't feel the urge to smile like he is now. Doesn't feel like she radiates that same warmth or that same light. Doesn't feel like she radiates much of anything, really.

     She just...is.

     She breathes and eats and sleeps and drinks because she has to, because it satiates the animal desire to survive. She walks to get to shelter, to be free from the rain and the monsters around them, not because it is somewhere that she desires to be. It's a quiet state, simply existing.

     (But a cold one, nonetheless.)

     The people at the "home" look at her curiously. Some of them, the few she recognizes from blurry, insignificant times, eye her with what is perhaps...caution? She remembers them looking at her like that in the past; it seems some things truly do remain the same.

     They eye her when she passes, partially shielded by Hyun-su's broad shoulders. He seems to do it unconsciously, and she wonders why that is. Either way, it's hard to see around him, and it's only her newly acquired reflexes that stop her from smacking face-first into his back when he suddenly stops.

     "Hyun-su," says a deep voice. Eun Yoo peeks around his bicep and finds a familiar face staring back at her - she almost didn't recognize him without the ever-present undercurrent of arrogance.

     Sergeant Kim has a haunted look in his eyes, like glass that's been broken one too many times to be perfectly put back together. He greets Hyun-su with courtesy and a thin layer of respect. She's never heard someone speak to Hyun-su that way before, and it makes her curious: is it because he is grateful, or because he is afraid?

     (The way the people here look at them, careful side-eyes and hesitant footsteps, makes her think it might be a little bit of both.)

     "I brought someone," Hyun-su says, still standing partially in front of her like he's trying to block Sergeant Kim's view.

     Sergeant Kim raises an eyebrow. "I can see that. Lee Eun Yoo, right?"

     She tilts her head impassionately. He stares at her for another moment, as if looking for something within the empty depths of her eyes, then nods to himself amidst a sigh. He looks back at Hyun-su and seems unsure of who to give the majority of his attention to.

     "...Maybe get her some clothes," he says, and Eun Yoo casts her indifferent stare over to the people passing by, blatantly staring at the exposed skin of her thighs.

     "On my way, sir," Hyun-su says.

     He leads her down the hallway, and Eun Yoo finds it puzzling the way people both openly stare at them and seem afraid to meet their gazes. She sees other people, ones with blank stares and numb expressions, who meet her eyes without any hesitation. They give them a wide berth, too. As if their expressionless nature is abnormal and revolting.

     And perhaps it is. As they head deeper into the "home," she sees people making all sorts of faces. Their lips pulled upwards oddly, their noses scrunched up passionately. One person, sitting on one of the many staircases, sticks their tongue out at another and puffs up their cheeks. She blinks in quiet curiosity, and wonders what such an expression could possibly mean. She thinks that, at one point she probably understood these facial cues and all their intricacies. Has faint memories of her own face twisting, her own tongue sticking out and her cheeks puffing, but not a clue as to the intent behind them, or their nature.

     Hyun-su's room is on the first floor, and Eun Yoo wonders if that was a personal choice or if he was placed there to ward off danger. He leads her into a cramped space, with a small bed shoved into the right-most corner that looks like it could just barely fit two people, if they were scrunched up very tight, and a rickety desk in the other. On the other side of the room are two large plastic containers that pop when he pulls off the lids; he pulls out a ripped hoodie from one and a pair of sweatpants.

     "Here," he says, and she takes them slowly. "Everyone gets a set number of clothing items, but I'll have to go find some for you later...you can just...wear mine...for now..."

     His voice gets quieter and quieter the longer she stares at him, and she watches in fascination as a red hue climbs up his cheeks. "You don't have to, I'm sure I can find--"

     "It's fine," she interrupts, done watching him silently panic. Part of her is oddly reluctant (and isn't that very strange?) to remove the jacket shielding her, but she ignores this bizarre sentiment and shrugs it off. It falls to the ground unceremoniously, and Hyun-su sucks in a sharp breath, then seems to choke on it and quickly turns around.

     She blinks slowly, wondering at his sudden...ness. He's seen her naked before, hasn't he? She has the memories of it. Why is he being so odd about it, now?

     Whatever, it's not her job to idle on his peculiar actions (even though a part of her instinctively focuses on them, instinctively seeks all his oddness out). Eun Yoo pulls the hoodie on first and is immediately drowned in it; sliding down to the middle of her thighs and covering even the very tips of her fingers. It makes her chest ache abnormally, the way it completely surrounds her, heating her skin. Subtly, she sniffs at the collar and finds that it smells...nice. Like ink and rain and something distinctly warm. Like...

     Like Hyun-su.

     The sweatpants are nearly just as big, hanging off her hips to the point that she can barely fit in them. They, too, are warm.

     Slowly, her gaze migrates to the back of Hyun-su's head, still facing firmly away from her. She can't help the way her eyes trace the rise and fall of his shoulders, a steady, almost deliberate motion that puts her strangely at ease. Her stare falls to his hands, slender fingers and palms nearly twice the size of hers. She wonders, mystifyingly, how they would feel against her skin.

     "...I'm done," she says when he doesn't turn around.

     Hyun-su's shoulders rise again on another inhale that shouldn't captivate her as much as it does, and then he turns slowly, like he's waiting for her to change her mind.

     "...Alright," his voice wavers strangely as he stares at her until he clears his throat.

     "How long has it been?" She asks, glancing at the concrete walls around her. Curious, that this building had remained throughout the entire catastrophe.

     "About...two months," he says.

     Eun Yoo hums and nods slowly, then looks back at him. "How did you find me?"

     He blinks softly at her, reminiscent of a puppy. "I was looking for you, and I thought...that you might have gone back..."

     Evidently, he was right in his guess, though she doesn't quite know why she had gone back either. Doesn't know what had drawn her there, and why that was the place her body chose to complete its metamorphosis. Well, it doesn't really matter anymore, does it? She is evolved now, regardless of where that evolution took place. What's a little odd is...

     "Why?"

     "Why what?"

     "Why were you looking for me?"

     Hyun-su stares at her in silence, his eyes shimmering with something unknown. It does something strange to her stomach when he looks at her like that, like there are little insects trapped inside. He doesn't say anything for a long moment, just stares and stares and stares at her until that fluttering goes too uncomfortable to ignore. Then:

     "Are you happy, Eun Yoo?"

     She blinks at him. "What?"

     "Can you tell me that you're happy?" He asks.

     "..." She can't seem to make the words come out, too perplexed by his sudden deviation in topic. What does this have to do with anything?

     "You can't," he answers for her.

     "What does that have to do with anything?" She asks, tilting her head slowly and staring at him impassively. He really is very odd.

     "You asked me to stay with you," he says. "You didn't want to be like this; of course I came looking for you."

     There's something else in his words that she just can't quite discern. Of course, she has the memory of telling him not to leave her, of asking him to be patient with her, but she doesn't understand why it is necessary. Doesn't understand just why she had asked him for this, when it isn't something imperative.

     "Eun Yoo..." He starts slowly, and steps closer to her, until she has to crane her neck up to keep eye contact. He doesn't lower himself, though a part of her weirdly expects him to. "I'm going to reteach you everything."

     She blinks slowly, unable to find words. The memories of this man truly don't do him justice. He's way more stubborn than they would imply.

     "And then, once you can tell me you're happy, you can decide whether you want to stay," he says.

     "But until then...I'm not leaving your side."

     Eun Yoo finds it fascinating.

     Perhaps it is because, as she's slowly finding, it is the one thing she cannot understand.

     The humans try their hardest to make life in the shelter as reminiscent of life before the disaster as they can. They create schools for little children to learn how to read and write, basic addition and subtraction; create a community in which the healthy help out the sickly and the young take responsibilities from the elderly, in which they're all assigned jobs and tasks based on their strengths.

     They conduct classes for people like her - 'neohumans' as they have been dubbed - in the hopes of reteaching them to feel and to want.

     And Eun Yoo understands these necessities. Understands why it is important for children to learn to communicate, to defend themselves. Why the young and the fit are sent out to find supplies rather than the weak and elderly. All of these are logical steps that require little analysis to see their reasoning.

     However, no matter how hard she tries and how many different angles she approaches it from, she cannot see the logic in how they treat people like her. As if they're...not quite broken, but in need of care. As if they are hindered by their apathy, their lack of so called emotional connection with others.

     Eun Yoo watches Ha-ni gesture with her hands and her face both, encouraging a small girl with blank eyes to mimic her expressions. It is...odd. The girl does so, and yet despite the physical movements being the same she lacks all of the life behind Ha-ni's expression. A poorly constructed facade, as if she were wearing a flimsy mask.

     This is what Eun Yoo cannot understand.

     She does not feel pain the way these people do. Yes, she does not smile and she does not laugh; she does not feel anything but unconcerned apathy for her circumstances. But, so too does she not shed tears. So too is she free of blind anger and debilitating grief. The way these humans describe these emotions sounds so exhausting, and she wonders what would be the benefit of it all.

     Ha-ni tells her the same thing Hyun-su did, just in a more over-the-top, nonsensical way that Eun Yoo can barely decipher.

     "What's the point of living if you can't be happy, hah? You want to die??"

     "No," Eun Yoo says blankly. "I do not want."

     Ha-ni simply smacks her face down into her palms with an emphatic groan.

     That's another thing that Eun Yoo wonders about: how effortlessly - and seemingly unconsciously - these people change their expressions. She used to think that it was a controlled thing; you either choose to make an expression in order to convey these emotions, or you simply keep them to yourself. However, watching Ha-ni and all the emotional humans and even Hyun-su himself has made her think otherwise.

     Deduction? It seems to be involuntary, but only sometimes. For instance, when Ha-ni face-palmed, it seemed to be a choice for dramatic effect, though Eun Yoo is only half sure. Do certain people make their own expressions, or is there a generic way of communicating emotions that everyone has ingrained? If not, are your you-specific expressions determined at birth, or do they develop throughout life? Can they change?

     Eun Yoo asks Hyun-su this once, and he just laughs brightly, too bright for her eyes. She wonders if anyone else makes that expression, and can't imagine it. It seems too inherent to Hyun-su to belong to anyone else.

     "I'm glad you're curious," he says, and it makes her feel a bit weird. He is glad...because of her? Because her curiosity, as he called it, has pleased him?

     (It feels...nice pleasing him. Like it's a good thing. Though, she doesn't understand why she feels that way, just knows that she does.

     Is that what humans call emotional connection? Finding pleasing someone else...nice? But, she doesn't much care for pleasing others, none of them make her stomach feel odd like Hyun-su does. Do humans have a specific person they like pleasing more?)

     She wonders how you can tell if you like something. These humans seem to like so many things: sunrises, sunsets, fresh air, random colors. The list goes on and on and on. Eun Yoo doesn't understand what evokes these like emotions, and why humans consider them so important.

     "It's the little things that matter," Hyun-su tells her.

     She's heard that saying before. It seems to be common amongst the emotion-feelers here.

     "Like...when something tastes good. Most people would choose to eat that over something that doesn't if they can," he continues. "You want to eat more of the thing that tastes good because it pleases your taste buds, yeah?"

     Eun Yoo nods slowly. She doesn't need to eat often, and when she does, she finds that she unconsciously avoids the containers of spam if she can, though she would eat them if she has to. Her tongue does not enjoy it, though. Is that what people mean when they talk about like? Choosing one thing over another because it is subjectively the better option?

     "It's the same thing with sunrises and sunsets, and all that other stuff," he says. "If people find something that looks nice, they want to keep looking at it. If people hear something that sounds nice, they want to keep listening to it."

     Eun Yoo tilts her head. "Does that mean that, if people find a person they think is nice, they want to keep being around them?"

     Hyun-su smiles softly. "Exactly."

     Eun Yoo nods and shoves her hands into the pockets of Hyun-su's jacket. She was given her own miniscule stash of clothing earlier, but quickly found that Hyun-su's jackets were bigger and warmer. Why wouldn't she take them? It just makes practical sense.

     (If she finds his jackets to be the better option when compared to her own, does that mean that she prefers them? Does that then mean that she finds them nice?

     Either way, he didn't say anything about it.)

     "I'll keep staying with you, then," she says. Hyun-su blinks in what looks to be shock. "I don't think I find the other people to be nice."

     The smile he gives her makes her stomach squirm, once more.

     (Does that mean she thinks it is nice?)

     Hyun-su takes her outside the shelter, sometimes.

     Well, more like coaxes her out. She doesn't see the point in leaving if they're not going out on supply runs, but he insists that just because the world is ending doesn't mean they can't enjoy nature, or something.

     It's absurd, and purely sentimental. She follows him out, anyway.

     The trees are very green. So green that it seems almost as if they couldn't possibly be real, coated in glistening dew drops that fill the air with a heavy humidity. Sunlight slips through their leaves like water, casting gold upon the rocky mud underneath their boots.

     That's where he takes her: to a random location in the middle of the forest.

     "I have a surprise," he says.

     "Hm? What is it?"

     He just grins and shakes his head. "Not yet, not yet."

     Eun Yoo watches, mildly perplexed as he starts to gather all the dry twigs he can find. He places them in a haphazard little pile right in the middle of the clearing, then stands there for a moment observing his work. She's about to ask him why he announced the surprise, because it's no longer technically a surprise if he tells her it's coming, but then he holds up a finger:

     "Ah, wait--" and disappears behind one of the trees. It's silent for a moment before she hears a near deafening crack, wood splintering under monumental pressure, and Hyun-su comes back carrying an entire tree branch.

     He plops it down a little ways away from the pile he's made and then pulls out a lighter.

     "You're making a fire," she says. "For what?"

     "For these," he says back, pulling a plastic package out of his bag. For a moment, she cannot tell what it is, the unknown white mass obscured by colorful characters, and then--

     "Marshmallows?" She reads. "Where did you find those?"

     "The last supply run," he says, smiling in a way she's never seen him do in front of anyone but her, oddly enough: small and only slightly cheeky. "I could only find one though, so...shh."

     She tilts her head at him. "Isn't it against the rules to take things without permission?"

     "I have permission," he leads her over to the large tree branch he had snapped off. "And we won't eat them all; we'll definitely save some for everyone else."

     He hands her the package, which crinkles between her fingers. Eun Yoo watches dispassionately as he lights the fire, tracing the way it shines in his eyes. "What's the point?" She flips it over and stares at the ingredients list. "There's nothing nutritious in this."

     "It's not about nutrition," he says. "Remember when we talked about things tasting good?"

     She nods slowly. "So...we're eating them just because they taste good?"

     He nods, as if she has said something extremely smart. "Exactly."

     Eun Yoo doesn't completely understand the idea; why eat something if you do not have to? But, she assumes this is simply another one of his wants and needs demonstrations, and so decides to play along with it, handing him the bag at his request.

     He rips it open almost too harshly, nearly catapulting marshmallows all over the damp forest floor. "Ah...I guess I still need to work on that bit..."

     It makes something in her squirm, the way he fumbles with his strength even still. Even after months of practice, he's still too big for his bones.

     It's impractical...it shouldn't make her feel...warm? The way she does? Is that what this is?

     (Surely not. Surely warmth cannot be an emotion, right? She's never heard of that before...

     But then again, humans do seem to have the strangest explanations for all sorts of things.

     She wonders if that's what this is, then.

     Warmth.)

     "Won't this attract monsters?" She asks, just to have something to say. And that's even more peculiar; she's never felt the need to speak without a reason. For the sole purpose of filling silence. Of hearing someone else respond just to listen to the cadence of their voice.

     "I came through here earlier; there aren't any," he says, pulling out two thin twigs and skewering two marshmallows in a row on one of them. He holds it out and she takes it with a curiosity that surprises her.

     She tentatively pokes at one of them, tilting her head at the squishy firmness. She has faint memories of eating these, of course. She doesn't remember why she would have, but Hyun-su says they taste good. Perhaps that means the even she had eaten things simply for the taste.

     "And like this," he says, holding his own stick over the small fire.

     She remembers this, too. And yet, the act of hovering her skewer over the open flame feels foreign to her. As if she's relearning something she's forgotten near completely.

     Eun Yoo watches in fascination as her marshmallows rapidly turn a soft golden brown, then darker and darker. They seem to undulate under the heat, melting and then solidifying in an endless cycle that captivates her perhaps more than it should. She sees the way Hyun-su rolls his skewer slowly to heat all the sides and unconsciously mimics the motion, focused on the way the tendons in his hands flex with it.

     Hyun-su has nice hands.

     She blinks. Does that mean she prefers his hands over others?

     She nods to herself slowly. That seems right.

    "Alright," Hyun-su starts, and Eun Yoo twitches at the sudden sound of his voice. That's nice, too. "I think they're done? I haven't done this often..."

     He bites into the crispy edge of one, the blackened shell giving way to a foamy inside that immediately droops down to the forest floor. He makes a noise of surprise, as if this outcome was completely unexpected, and chews rapidly.

     It's...cute. The way his cheeks puff up. Eun Yoo feels her lips twitch oddly at the sight.

     Unsure of why her stomach is flipping like that, she quickly shoves an entire marshmallow in her mouth. The heat explodes on her tongue, barely felt thanks to her dulled sense of physical stimulation, and burns away at the roof of her mouth. For a moment the fire is all she tastes, charred outside melting across her tongue until it spills its puffy innards and it's...

     Sweet.

     Very sweet.

     Like sunshine coating her taste buds, blanketing every crevice of her mouth, sticking to her cheeks like syrup. She presses at it with her tongue and is surprised to find that the little bit of remaining firmness falls apart easily, melting in milliseconds and saturating her entire throat in sweet sweet sweet.

     It's...good.

     She looks up to find Hyun-su already staring right at her, a softness in his eyes more gentle than even the squishy remains rapidly dissolving in her mouth. There's a glossy sheen to his lips, liquid sugar, and some distant part of her wonders what they would taste like, right now. If they would be marshmallow saccharine or if his own taste would come through.

     "Good?" He asks, tilting his head.

     Eun Yoo stares for a moment, unable to stop herself, and then nods firmly. He smiles brightly at her, the sugar on his lips still glistening like glitter. Like even his very skin shines with light.

     "You want more?"

     Eun Yoo is nodding before she even registers it, relishing in the glow in his gaze.

     If this is what Hyun-su meant by the little things...then perhaps she can see why people are so desperate for them.

     They do end up saving some for everyone else, but only barely.

     They go outside more, after that.

     Eun Yoo doesn't really think there's anything special about their surroundings themselves, nothing but overtaking wildlife and the distant shadow of crumbled buildings, but Hyun-su seems to find it enjoyable. More than enjoyable, even, if the way he perks up is any indicator.

     The sun brightens Hyun-su, like two fire sources feeding off one another. He shines brighter in its light, somehow; not overtaken by its greatness but rather accentuated by it. It baffles her, just slightly, how easily he grows underneath its touch.

     It's also slightly humorous. Hyun-su is often wearing black...and yet he so readily throws himself into the light without a second glance. How contrary.

     Eun Yoo has memories of a Hyun-su who didn't so readily brighten. Of a Hyun-su whose only light was the one he created himself, rather than the one he basked in. Like he was afraid the light would retreat from him and all his hidden sorrows.

     She remembers wondering if anyone else ever noticed, or if they just didn't care. He wasn't great at hiding it, and she also remembers encouraging him not to. Telling him to be loud with his pain, to make a fuss so that people would actually listen for once.

     (This Hyun-su still isn't very loud. Still tends to grit his teeth a little too much, but he does choose to do it under the sun, rather than hidden in the shadows.

     She thinks it's nice that he's grown so big. Big enough that sometimes it's like he doesn't even fit in the space he's given. It fills her with something unknown and completely new, the way he eagerly walks into the light.

     I've always been this tall, she hears a distant replay of his voice echo in her mind. Softer, more hesitant, insecure. Her lips do that funny thing again, twitching up at the sides.

     At least he's not hiding on stairwells, anymore.)

     It is nice that he listened to her advice, even if only a little.

     It also makes her wonder what that says about people. How much of their individuality is fundamental. How much of it can truly be changed, no matter how severe the circumstances or how brutal the fight. Hyun-su has taken her advice and shined with it, but he is still Hyun-su, in the end. Despite all the weather he's faced and all the battles he's won, that has remained undoubtedly true.

     (She wonders what that says about the neohumans. About all the children who struggle to smile, and all the people sitting painstakingly in those classes. About all of the people here who simply survive; simply exist for existence's sake.

     About the people like her.)

     Hyun-su tells her she doesn't have to go on supply runs if she doesn't want to. He always says things like that, even though he knows she doesn't truly understand them. She doesn't have to eat that if she doesn't want to, doesn't have to talk with people if she doesn't want to, doesn't have to sit in on those classes if she doesn't want to.

     Nobody else ever asks her what she wants, and perhaps it's because they have long since realized that it's pointless.

     All but Hyun-su, who looks at her like she does know what it means. Like he's sure that one day she will be able to respond.

     (And maybe that's nice, too. The knowledge that Hyun-su, in all of his imperfect, emotional glory, cares about what she wants.

     Even if it doesn't make any sense.)

     Either way, she does go on the supply runs. It's only logical that she would: she is neohuman; stronger and faster and harder to hurt than others. Whereas other people die, she will simply be reborn, so why wouldn't she go?

     (And if a part of her only considers it when she realizes that Hyun-su goes on every one of them...

     Well, she's the only one in her head, anyway.)

     Eun-hyeok is there, too.

     She hasn't talked to him much beyond a few mutually stilted words here and there. It's peculiar that this man was once someone she considered close enough to be her brother, regardless of the fact that they share no biological roots. That must be one of those phenomena that Ha-ni calls emotional connection.

     She has noticed, though, despite their lack of frequent interaction, that Eun-hyeok seems to be more there than she is. Perhaps not more human - no, he is far too abnormal for that - but less...blank, perhaps.

     His emptiness is only half so, and he seems to have an easier time mimicking the expressions of those around him. Seems to find it enjoyable, even. She catches him staring off at random people, sometimes, and copying the way they twist their faces. Often, he even manages to make it look genuine and at one point she starts to think that maybe it is genuine, at least to a certain extent.

     But he's been hatched for longer than she has. Does that mean their emotional immunity has an expiration date? Surely not. She knows of some neohumans who have been this way for over a year and have never even smiled.

     Perhaps he is simply strange, then.

     (Then she looks at Hyun-su, and all the casual brightness clinging to his skin, and finds that bizarre warmth filling her chest again: thinks that maybe she is a little strange, too.)

     A few other neohumans accompany them, and it seems they too feel that their presence is only logical. Hyun-su takes the seat right next to her and she tries not to dwell on how the heat he emits sinks through both of their clothing. How it soaks into her skin like an antiseptic.

     (She's never met any other person who burns this brightly. Who feels like fire in its most physical form: like he's captured only the parts of the flame that don't hurt and stuffed them inside to fuel him.

     Eun Yoo has always run cold, and she remembers that it was this way even before her evolution. Remembers always seeking that warmth from fireplaces and sunny days and dance recitals. Pushing the people around her away in fear of their touch being too icy for her already frozen skin to handle.)

     Hyun-su has always been too warm to push away. To do anything but greedily huddle closer to. She tries to fight the urge in front of so many people, but finds herself instinctively inching closer nonetheless.

     He just gives her a soft look from the corner of his eye, like he knows exactly what she's doing (she sure doesn't) and welcomes it completely.

     Odder and odder, this man.

     As they drive, Eun Yoo is reminded faintly of the volunteer runs at the stadium, how she had gone on every one of them. She doesn't remember why she had felt such a strong urge to do so, and at this point, is willing to chalk it up to simply being too human to understand.

     (But...that's not quite right. She understands a little bit, maybe. Even as she is now, she prefers the quiet of daylight over the dreary dark. Finds it to be nicer than the emptiness in such places.

     And isn't that strange? She, an empty being, prefers the fullness.

     How peculiar.)

     They drive deeper into the city, and that too is familiar. There are few monsters, their numbers slowly decreasing as more and more of them enter into cocoons, and the couple that do try and sneak up on them are quickly shooed away by a persuasive wave of Hyun-su's wing. Eun Yoo stares at the way it flexes, every miniscule twitch of muscle looking raw and painful.

     That never hurts anymore, she remembers him saying. Wonders if he was lying just to reassure the version of her that hoped.

     Hyun-su catches her stare. "What? What is it?"

     She blinks at him, and he follows her gaze to where it rests on the twisted flesh and muscle protruding from his shoulder.

     "Ah...if it makes you uncomfortable--"

     "No," she furrows her eyebrows. "...Can I touch it?"

     Hyun-su's eyes widen like she has punched him in the face. His lips part a little bit, as if this was not an outcome he'd foreseen at all. "I-"

     "You don't have to say yes," she says. It's odd, how quickly she rushes to...reassure him? To bring him some sort of comfort? The idea of him agreeing simply because she asked rather than because he's genuinely fine with it doesn't sit right in her stomach. The longer they simply stare at each other, the more Eun Yoo finds that she wants him to want it.

     (For the first time, Eun Yoo cares about the so-called wants of another person.)

     "...You can touch it," he says back, and his voice is slightly hesitant.

     "I don't have to--"

     "No, really," he says. His voice is a near whisper, and the softness of it makes Eun Yoo painfully aware of their proximity. How her thigh presses against his, arms brushing, one of her feet overlapping his. "You can."

     And then he carefully pulls his wing up from where it's dangling over the side, maneuvering it in a way that makes the flesh twist and almost tentatively draping it across his own lap for her.

     Her eyes dart down to it, and Hyun-su stares at her side profile with a gentleness that should only be reserved for private places. Not completely exposed, out in the open for anybody to see such a sappy, doe-eyed expression. It makes her heart stutter in her chest as she catches it in her peripheral, almost expectant.

     And Eun Yoo finds herself suddenly hesitant. The malformation looks agonizingly painful, with skin ripped back and muscle warped, melted into gory flesh and contorted in ways no human would be able to achieve, and yet Hyun-su says that it never hurts anymore. That he barely feels a thing.

      And she's not...scared, right? Not afraid of hurting him, but...the idea isn't pleasant. She doesn't want him to feel pain, thinks the idea of it doesn't sound very nice. But, then Hyun-su is blinking softly at her with a distinct gleam of insecurity in his eyes, looking like he might pull away at any moment and Eun Yoo--

     The first brush of her fingers is tentative, dragging perhaps too slowly against the gore there. The red does not stain her fingers, shockingly, and she finds that the flesh there is rough despite its soft appearance. Hyun-su sucks in a deep breath next to her, and her eyes flicker towards his face momentarily. He's watching her with an attentiveness that's nearly shocking, pupils quivering in his irises, ringed by chocolate that looks a lot like gold in this lighting. That too makes her heart flutter.

     As her fingers continue their downward exploration, she finds that the shards protruding from his arm like bird feathers are actually bone. Oddly smooth for such deadly things, with serrated tips sharper than any knife she's ever felt. They twitch under her fingers, like they have minds of their own, and a few of them even seem to reach for her touch once it retreats.

     Eun Yoo finds it strangely...beautiful, in a way. She thinks that most people probably see this extension of Hyun-su as a violent thing: only capable of bloodshed and inflicting pain. Thinks, from the way people shrink away whenever he reveals it, that they might be disgusted by its rawness, by what it symbolizes.

     Eun Yoo thinks this part of Hyun-su is just as warm as everywhere else. Just as softly dangerous and diligently protective as the rest of him. She traces the denticulated edges of bone and can't help but notice how gentle they are. How, despite their hidden ferocity and deadly reputation, not one of them so much as nicks her.

     She's startled from her thoughts by the car jerking to a stop, instinctively pulling her hand away at the sound of Sergeant Kim's voice. The wing shifts away quickly and retreats into Hyun-su's shoulder with lightning speed, leaving behind sun-kissed, unblemished skin.

     "Alright, now remember: only take what you can carry," Sergeant Kim's voice fills the air. "We'll go over the procedures for injury..."

     Eun Yoo unconsciously tunes him out, suddenly very aware of all the people staring at them through poorly concealed side-eyes. She thinks privately that they need to learn to mind their own business, and the thought holds a surprising amount of passion. Then, she catches Hyun-su's eye and her heart does about ten backflips in a row.

     Still looking at her, still wide-pupiled and closer than he should be, closer than he needs to be. Eun Yoo remains captivated by his gaze until someone smacks their hand against the side of the car door, rousing everyone from their seats. As they stand, she notes the way Hyun-su's hands tremble ever so slightly, curling into fists that he hides away behind his back.

     And, even as she makes her way into one of the buildings, she still feels the phantom touch of his wing under her fingers: bone, muscle, twisted flesh and all.

     (Still feels the prickling warmth lingering on her skin.)

     It's...paradoxical how peaceful life can be.

     Eun Yoo doesn't remember finding much peace in the world before the Monsterization outbreak. Perhaps she's simply lost all of those memories, or maybe they're just overshadowed by all of the darker ones. She knows that at one point she, as a previous human, must have felt joy in some aspects. Knows that she, as the humans put it, liked dancing, liked performing for crowds, liked the attention and the knowledge that she was special. That she had a talent and a purpose beyond simply living. That she was not put on this earth to merely exist.

     But...she wouldn't call it peace.

     She certainly wouldn't have called it peace after the outbreak. Hadn't thought that she would ever have those like moments again, once people started mutating for the crime of being too human.

     So, it's just a little bit (or perhaps a lot) contrary, that she would find these peace moments, these like moments, at the end of the world. At a time in which people are at their most desolate, starving themselves of desire, carving caves in their ribs just to fight it.

     Eun Yoo remembers once that she had many desires; that she had refused not to indulge them, despite the impending punishment. And she had been punished, hadn't she? In the end the greed had taken over, and she had changed.

     She had evolved.

     So...perhaps everyone was wrong about it, in the end. Perhaps Monsterization was simply the next step in humanity's progression. Perhaps it was not a curse, or a punishment from God, or whatever people liked to sob while hiding from themselves.

     Perhaps it was simply...nature doing as nature does.

     Evolving.

     And, as she sits on the sidelines of Ha-ni's so-called emotional reconstruction classes, she wonders if this is simply part of the process. Nature has designed itself so that the predominant species is challenged, which leads to a process of natural selection to weed out the weak, which leads to biological and social advancement, inevitably leading to the survival of the species. These are textbook ideas that Eun Yoo knows well, she understands them. Understands that she, as a neohuman, is at her core superior to other beings.

     She used to think that these ideas - that a being such as her could be taught to feel and to desire once more - were frivolous at best, and pointless at worst. That nice and like and want had no bearings on the real world. That they were, in fact, more likely to be a liability than anything else. She thought that it couldn't be done.

     But...Eun-hyeok smiles, now. He doesn't even have to look at other people to do it, and it sits on his face in a way that is natural. That no longer only mimics those of the people around him, but forms its own unique curve. There are children who cry where they previously could not, and people like her who make those funny expressions with ease, like it's second nature. Once, Eun Yoo passes by a woman whose face turns bright red at the touch of another's hand, who turns her head away and smiles to herself in secret.

     She recognizes her as the first neohuman she ever came into contact with: empty eyes and stone-cold blankness steadily replaced with humanity.

     And Eun Yoo thinks that...maybe this is evolution, too. Maybe, as superior beings, they too must be challenged. Must prove that they deserve the status, and that they're capable of handling it. Some of the neohumans never smile, never laugh or cry or blush, and Eun Yoo wonders if maybe this is a challenge they cannot overcome. If natural selection will come for them rather than the ones who change. The ones who adapt.

     There's a little garden right outside the shelter. She doesn't know who set it up, only that she frequently finds many people like her there, gazing at the flowers as if they're the most fascinating things, tending to fruits and vegetables with clumsy movements and wonder in their eyes. It's surrounded by a picket fence, even though a monster hasn't wandered through their territory in weeks. Once, Eun Yoo sees a bright-eyed boy guiding the hand of another one, blank-faced and empty-eyed; showing him how to draw colorful pictures on the wood.

     Hyun-su takes her out there, one day: leads her by the hand until all she can do is stare down at where their fingers are intertwined, second nature.

     "What?" She asks, glancing around when they stop. Despite the sun being high in the sky, the space around them is surprisingly empty. "Why are we here?"

     "I have something for you," he tells her, letting go of her hand. Her fingers tingle at the loss and she fights the urge to flex them.

     Eun Yoo's eyebrows furrow. She thinks about saying something, but opts to instead stare blankly at Hyun-su. He looks a little nervous, like he's fighting the urge to shuffle in place. Part of her wonders at how easy it is for her to read him, now. If it's because she is evolving or because he's Hyun-su.

     "Okay," he mutters, almost to himself. He reaches into the pocket of his jacket and fiddles with something for a moment, then pulls the object out.

     It's...it's a piece of cloth. A red cloth, with frayed edges and loose threads, looking much cleaner than the last time she saw it, and Eun Yoo--

     Pictures flash behind her eyes; warm fingers trailing along her wrist, brushing hair from her forehead. Shouting, shouting, silent begging not to turn away. Not to leave again. His face twisted into an expression of forced indifference, walking away only to return a day later with vulnerability in his eyes. Pressure wrapped around her waist, a heartbeat thumping against her ear, lips on her temple. Her own fingers, trying to replicate a bow she never tied.

     "This..." She starts slowly, blinking down at it. She had thought it lost, as all her clothing was when she completed metamorphosis; hadn't even spared it a thought, in all of her cold emptiness. It's just a piece of cloth, after all. So, why does she feel so...

    "I went back to Green Home on the last supply run...all of your stuff was in the cocoon," he says. When Eun Yoo tears her eyes away, she finds that he is gazing down at her with an incomparable softness in his eyes. A familiar tentativeness shining in their depths. "I...I washed it, so you don't have to worry."

     Eun Yoo's lips part as she stares at him, an unconscious reaction that she can't stop. Her heart does one of those flips again, and again and again. She feels acutely the way it speeds up in its cage, thump, thump, thumping away until it's all she can hear. All she can focus on beyond the warm brown of Hyun-su's eyes - and they really are so beautiful - the sharpness of his jawline, the full pout of his lips.

     She suddenly wants nothing more than to touch him. To feel the heat of his skin on hers in any way he would allow, any way he would permit her to. It's baffling, the way a sudden, harrowing desire fills her, like an ocean tide flooding the shore. She catches the way his fingers twist slowly in the fabric, little anxious twitches of involuntary movement, and wonders what they would feel like on her skin. Pressing against her hip or her waist, clasped in the chill of her own. He swallows thickly, Adam's apple bobbing with the movement, and she wants with a fiery passion to press her face into the crook of his neck and bask in the life there. In the steady pulse she knows she'll hear, in the summery blood flow underneath.

     It's...just a piece of cloth. So why does she feel so...

     "If you don't want it..." Hyun-su's voice is lovely, too. Just like every other part of him.

     "I want it," she says, barely a whisper. Her voice comes out raw and slightly scratchy, too vulnerable for what she claims to be, but she can hardly focus on that when she has Hyun-su right in front of her. "I want it."

     He visibly relaxes, broad shoulders lifting on the next inhale, slightly deeper than usual, a bit too jagged to be normal. "Okay," he says, and holds it out for her to take.

     Eun Yoo stares down at it, focus groggy, before realizing rather belatedly that he...wants her to take it.

     And Eun Yoo knows, she _knows_ it's just a piece of cloth. It's really nothing serious at all, nothing to get this worked up over, surely. Nothing that warrants the first real desire she's felt since her evolution. But, still...

     She thinks back to a wall of glass, sitting up against it with a heaviness in her chest that she does remember, now. With a weight that felt like it would never abate. Thinks of trying not to look through that glass, fidgeting with this very same red cloth wrapped around her knuckles. Unwrapping it, re-tying it; imperfect, in the end.

     She's shoving her wrist towards him before she even registers it. "You do it," she practically demands.

     Hyun-su blinks at her, as if rooted to the spot. His fingers stop fiddling at once and he just stares at her, silent. "Me...?"

     "Who else?" She asks, narrowing her eyes slightly.

     It really doesn't make much sense, the way Hyun-su's expression suddenly goes astoundingly, breathtakingly bright. Lighting up like a firework, like the sun itself has just dropped to the ground in front of her. His eyes flicker rapidly all over her face, like he's trying to discern something from whatever expression she's making.

     "What?" She asks, suddenly defensive. "What is it? You don't have to if you don't want to--"

     Hyun-su's smile grows wider, showing off hints of teeth. His bangs part when he shakes his head. "No," he says. "It's just..."

     Eun Yoo's lips twitch again. "Spit it out."

     He shakes his head harder and lets out one of those distinctive huffs through his nose, the ones that say he's trying not to laugh. "Nothing, nothing. I'll put it on you, come here."

     He takes her wrist before she can continue her complaints - and isn't it extremely odd that that's what she's doing? Complaining - and suddenly that's all she can focus on. The warmth of his long fingers wrapping around the entirety of her, the slight calluses there just the right kind of rough against her skin. Enough to pull gooseflesh to the surface of her arms; she hopes he doesn't notice.

     Hyun-su folds the fabric around her wrist and that too is all she can focus on. Her skin feels hypersensitive everywhere he touches, like he's brushing his fingers against an exposed nerve. Eun Yoo finds herself staring at the intense focus on his face, like he's performing an extremely important task rather than tying a battered piece of cloth around her wrist. He lets out a soft hum, and she recognizes that, too, as a noise of deep concentration.

     The fabric tightens once more and then stills completely. His hands, warm touches of sunshine on her skin, remain where they are and his gaze moves upwards to meet hers.

     Eun Yoo swallows thickly, breath stuttering in her chest. She feels his own air against her cheeks, closer than they need to be; smells only his scent, homely and intoxicating. She thinks he really shouldn't be allowed to be this close. Not when he looks at her like that and touches her like that and smiles at her like that.

     Soft, gentle, radiant.

     Hyun-su.

     Her heart once again quivers in her chest.

     What an odd thing, to be so affected by something as simple as a smile, as a look from the one she...

     From the one she...what?

     "Done," he whispers, so quietly that even if there was someone else in there with them they wouldn't have heard a thing.

     Eun Yoo's stomach feels tight and weird in a way that she's never felt before. Like something's twisted up all her organs and made a butterfly nest out of them, swarming, swarming, swarming. His touch feels...so nice. So easy and tender yet so good and warm. She never wants him to stop touching her, even just something as simple as this.

     But, then he is stopping. Then, Hyun-su's hands and his magic touch are retreating slowly from her skin; lingering, but leaving nonetheless and--

     And Eun Yoo doesn't even think before she reacts, latching onto his arm in a vice grip and yanking him forward so suddenly that they stumble. He smacks right into her, hard muscle and all, and the only reason they don't go flying is because one of his hands instinctively catches her by the waist and balances them.

     All of the breath leaves her in an instant, chased out by the firm press of his body against hers, enveloping her completely. Her ear squishes right up against his heartbeat, thumping abnormally fast inside his chest; she can hear it so clearly, even through the thick padding of his jacket. Thinks he doesn't really need it, because the torso pressed against hers is scorching underneath it all. Part of her wonders how it would feel without any of the layers; if his skin really is that warm when no barriers cover it.

     Yes, a deep part of her mind whispers, accompanied by many memories that make her grateful she's hiding her face. It is.

      Hyun-su remains frozen in place for a moment, and it makes her stomach feel unreasonably jittery. Should she pull away? But...he didn't seem upset before, and they have hugged in the past, so why--

     His arms tentatively wrap all the way around her, burning burning burning, and press her tighter against his chest. Like he's trying to merge them together, like he never wants her to leave. Eun Yoo feels and hears the way he inhales deeply, head dropping down to rest against the top of her own. His nose presses into her scalp, tickling the hairs there with every breath.

     And it's...relief. Like sitting in front of a fireplace after being trapped in ice, or taking a steaming shower to soothe sore muscles. The way he encompasses her, like he's trying to hide her away from every possible threat, makes her heart kick up a frenzy, going all mushy in her ribcage.

     She wonders if this is what he meant by wants becoming needs. If he meant a desire so strong it consumes you, leaving you aching and vulnerable for someone else. If he meant it like this, with his arms wrapped around her and shielding her from the winter air, keeping her warm with just a smile, just a look. Keeping fullness in her chest, despite how hard it tries to remain empty.

     Thinks that even if he didn't...she knows now that this is what it means to her.

     Sunshine parting the gloomiest of clouds, rain reflecting off its light to form prisms of promise in the sky. She thinks of Hyun-su and remembers all the bedtime stories she was read as a kid; about dashing princes saving princesses from dragons, fables of red strings and timeless loves, children befriending the monsters in their closets.

     She thinks of Hyun-su and thinks, first and foremost, about how safe she has always felt in his arms. How gentle he always is, despite his stature. How cruel the world has often been to him for things he cannot control.

     How bright he has remained in spite of it.

     Eun Yoo presses her face harder into his chest, as if she could bury herself inside with enough pressure, and feels a foreign burn behind her eyes.

     Hyun-su presses a big palm between her shoulder blades and tucks her closer, until the top of her head slots perfectly in place with his chin, and breathes. She thinks it's a little rough, his breathing; that maybe he's just as affected by their proximity as she is.

     Eun Yoo doesn't know how long they stand there like that, simply basking in the feel of each other's skin, but when she reluctantly pulls herself free of him, the sun is significantly lower than it was before they fell into one another. His arms remain wrapped around her waist and her skin tingles from the touch, like she's vibrating from the inside out; when she looks up at Hyun-su, his eyes are dark and adoring, pupils wide.

     "Thank you," she whispers, heart feeling too big for her chest.

     "For what?" He murmurs back, as if afraid to break the silence.

     "For this and...everything. For being you."

     He tilts his head. "For being me?" He echoes.

     She nods gently, and maybe some part of her is also afraid of speaking too loudly, because she can't seem to raise her voice. "Yeah," she whispers. "You're like sunshine."

     And Eun Yoo watches with increasing, baffling fondness (is that what this is?) as red slowly spreads to the tips of Hyun-su's ears.

     He's really...too much, sometimes.

     Hyun-su blinks at her, stunned in place. For a moment he seems unable to even move. His breathing slows down in a way that seems too intentional to be instinctive, and the hands on her waist tighten infinitesimally.

     "You too," he finally gets out, and that's very confusing.

     What has she done? Aside from meeting every one of his efforts with blankness...aside from remaining a perpetually empty shell even in the face of his light...she really can't think of anything that would warrant gratitude. Maybe because she is stronger now? Because she can defend herself and the people around her better? She's no longer a liability to him. That would make sense.

     "For being you," he says gently.

     It's as if he can read her thoughts; Eun Yoo feels her face contort into a mild expression that she can't really place; wonders at how she, a being built purely on logic, can't seem to understand anything at all.

     Hyun-su leans forward until their foreheads knock together and suddenly it doesn't even matter.

     Suddenly, all Eun Yoo can think about is his smell in her nose, his breath ghosting her cheeks. Suddenly, all she can think about is how soft his lips look, and how lovely it would be if she leaned forward just a little bit more and--

     "Yah! You guys are here, too?"

     They both flinch so hard that they lose their grips on one another, dreadfully separating. Eun Yoo's head snaps in the direction of the voice and finds Ha-ni staring at them, bug-eyed and seemingly just as startled as they are.

     "Uhhhh," she says intelligently.

     Eun Yoo feels unexpectedly indignant and more flustered than she should be. An unfamiliar fire burns brightly within her, commanding her to glare at Ha-ni and throw a fit. She really has the worst timing, doesn't she? She couldn't have chosen any other moment to interrupt? Why did she have to see them like this? It really is too unfortunate!

     Eun Yoo doesn't realize she has, indeed, been glaring viciously at the culprit until Ha-ni gasps and gestures wildly.

     "Oh, my bad! My bad! Horrible timing, really! I'll just be going this way--" and then she scrambles around the corner and disappears just like that.

     Eun Yoo remains glaring at the spot she vacated until she hears soft puffs of amusement in front of her. She finally looks away and finds Hyun-su with his head turned in the opposite direction, shoulders trembling.

     "You-" she starts, her jaw clicking shut when Hyun-su turns to face her.

     He's looking at her with so much fondness, so much joy. Like the world hasn't ended already; like he wouldn't care if it died a second time right here, right now. His eyes, deep pools of chestnut sunlight, shine with all the things they've never said.

     All of the embarrassment and flustered rage leaves her in an instant.

     For a moment, Eun Yoo just stands there and unabashedly watches Hyun-su's soft joy, basking in the way he glows, endlessly radiant. After his laughter dies down, he takes her wrist in his hand and runs the pad of his thumb over the cloth bow.

     "Keep it this time, hm?" He asks, voice almost teasing.

     Eun Yoo feels her face go impossibly, absurdly warm. It's nonsensical, the way her body so readily reacts to his every movement. Even something as simple as this, a single brush of his fingers, the molten warmth in his eyes, the gentle tone...

     How can it affect her like this?

Slowly, she nods, unable to conjure up the words to adequately express this foreign sensation in her chest. Surely these were thing the old her would have comprehended. Surely the old her, the human her would have understood what they meant and why they were there; their purpose and what to do about them.

     But, she is no longer old her, no longer human her, and so all this Eun Yoo can do is squeeze his fingers tighter and hope that he understands.

     Eun Yoo doesn't know if she likes having these sensations.

     Ha-ni calls them things like feelings and emotions, and logically, Eun Yoo knows that is what they are called. However, she's discovered that, as these feelings and emotions become more prominent, calling them such only makes them grow faster. As if they are emboldened by her acknowledgement of them, taking it as permission to form a garden in her chest.

     And perhaps there are some upsides.

     A lot of the humans here make odd expressions, and as Eun Yoo's garden grows, she begins to understand them. Not very well, truth be told, but she can get the gist of what they mean. Why they are made is a much harder concept to grasp. Humans seem to feel brightly no matter what; they get enraged easily over things she doesn't understand, smile widely over even small gestures of 'kindness;' she once watched a little girl burst into tears after a boy pulled on one of her pigtails, and wondered if it was really so severe.

     But, it does mean she has an easier time learning the weaknesses of the people around her. Many humans seem to be burdened by relationships, which Eun Yoo has taken to mean a strong feeling for somebody else. These humans will often follow each other around in dangerous situations, and even sometimes put themselves in jeopardy for their sake. It doesn't make much sense, but it does let Eun Yoo know who to avoid on supply runs; people like that are truly a liability.

     The problem with these sensations is that...Eun Yoo feels things.

     Things that are outlandishly baffling; that have no basis whatsoever in any form of logic or science of reason. Once, Eun Yoo sees a little boy being carried on the back of an even smaller one and finds her lips twitching upwards unnaturally. Another time, a monster had appeared out of nowhere during a supply run and for a moment she had felt a spark of something harrowing run through her, a drop in her stomach. And then another time, Ha-ni had cornered her after one of her emotional reconstruction classes with a smug grin on her lips and a suspicious gleam in her eyes.

     "So," she had said. "You and Hyun-su..."

     And Eun Yoo had felt her face go uncannily warm, like she was being dangled over a fireplace. A partially familiar indignation flooded her and she had glared - glared! - at Ha-ni with a ferocity that had sent the girl running.

     And don't even get her started on Hyun-su. It really did seem like her heart was determined to explode from her chest whenever he was around. It really wasn't normal.

     One time, Ha-ni had coaxed Eun Yoo into eating dinner in the main room with everyone else. She had barely glanced up in time to see Hyun-su walk through the doors, black hoodie and sweatpants like they weren't in the middle of an apocalypse. For some reason the sight of him had startled her so badly that she had choked on the potato in her mouth at the exact moment that he made eye contact with her and came zipping right on over.

     Another time, Eun Yoo had walked past his room on her way to the garden. It really wasn't her fault that he had left his door wide open, and when she glanced inside, Eun Yoo was greeted with the sight of him doing situps completely shirtless.

     Shirtless! As if he owned the building! As if he was in his own home!

     (Technically he was in his own home, as none of them could exactly go anywhere else. But Eun Yoo refused to acknowledge that.).

     And she remembered just standing there, partially slack-jawed and completely frozen to the spot; transfixed on the way his muscles flexed with the movement and the gleam of sweat on his sun-kissed skin--

     Then he had spotted her, and with absolutely no shame whatsoever, gave her that soft little smile he never seemed to give anyone else and jumped to his feet. Eun Yoo had gone beat red, she just knows she did, and had quickened her pace down the hallway before he could approach her.

     Shirtless!

     Eun Yoo doesn't understand why the sight had-- had flustered her so badly. She has had sex with the man; literal sex! Even if she lost the ability to feel those intense sensations, she still has the memory of it!

     (And she really shouldn't think about it, because thinking about it only meant imagining it, and imagining it made her feel weirdly warm and caused an odd aching sensation to form in her chest.)

     And the time after that, well. Hyun-su wasn't even there, and yet still she had experienced such an adverse reaction.

     "...just don't know if I feel safe with him here."

     Eun Yoo stops mid-stride; she doesn't recognize the voice, soft and hesitant as it is. There really isn't any reason to linger on a conversation she has no business in, so she simply keeps walking.

     "Yeah, I mean...he's a monster, y'know? You just can't tell with those things."

     "Right? Like, I know Sergeant Kim said he has control over it, but how much control can anyone really have over something like that? What if one day he just snaps and goes on a rampage? He could kill everyone!"

     Eun Yoo stops completely.

     It's odd, the way a sudden buzz fills her ears. She turns the corner and finds two girls huddled together on the stairs, talking in not-so-hushed whispers and gesturing back and forth. They don't seem to notice her at all, too engrossed in their conversation to pay attention to their surroundings.

     "I feel like it's honestly really irresponsible that Sergeant Kim hasn't kicked him out yet...he could survive on his own, so really the only ones at risk are all of us," says the girl on the right, voice small with what sounds like genuine fear. "I don't want to wake up one day and find everyone I love dead because they let a monster inside..."

     Something strange happens in Eun Yoo's chest. Suddenly all she can feel is the heat building there, an unpleasant burn that has her fingers curling at her sides. It builds up in her throat like an active volcano on the verge of erupting, and she just knows without a doubt that she won't be able to stop the inevitable explosion.

     "...and his wing? I mean, it's horribly grotesque to look at. I can barely stomach any food at the thought of it. What about all the children here seeing something like that all the time--"

     "Yah," she snaps. They shoot away from each other, startled so badly that one of them nearly falls off the edge of the stairs. Both of their heads whip towards her and they falter under the weight of her glare. "Watch yourselves. That monster is what's keeping you safe."

     For a moment all they do is tremble. The girl on the left sputters helplessly, flushing a vibrant cherry red. "I- I was-- we were just--"

     "Talking about things that don't concern you?" Eun Yoo questions coldly, nails digging into her palms behind her back. "Maybe speak a little quieter the next time you want to shit talk someone."

     "Don't concern us?" The one on the right seems to gain back her courage. "We're the ones who have to live with him! How does it not concern us; we could die at any moment!"

     "You want to try your luck outside?" She grits out. "Then you can see for yourselves which one is more dangerous."

     The girl scoffs, but Eun Yoo catches the way her hands tremble minutely at her sides. "Why should we have to go out? He should be the one to leave! He can protect himself better than we can!"

     "So you admit you're weak?" Eun Yoo says. The girls both blanch. "Why should he have to leave? I've never seen either of you on any of the supply runs. In this world, it should be the freeloaders like you that get ostracized."

     "How can you say that?!" Shouts the other girl suddenly. Eun Yoo's eyes dart towards her and her chest trembles. "We're human, aren't we? Why should we have to risk ourselves like that when we could die at any moment?"

     Eun Yoo doesn't remember ever feeling a heat like that which fills her in this moment. It's all-consuming, scorching her down to her very bones and boiling the blood in her veins. She wants suddenly to hit something, preferably this girl's face. Wants to watch her crumble to the ground with blood dripping down her cheek, wants to feel it splatter across her face and her fists until it's all she can feel. So that she can abate this vicious burning in her chest.

    "...If you aren't willing to risk yourselves," Eun Yoo says slowly, enunciating every word in fear that if she speaks any faster she'll simply explode. "Then what use are you to everyone else here? You should just die."

     Her mouth drops open in silent outrage, disbelief. The girl next to her, the one who put up the original fight, is staring at Eun Yoo like she's said something particularly nasty. As if they hadn't said worse. As if they hadn't been talking about outcasting the person protecting them - about outcasting Hyun-su.

     Something warm and sticky coats the space between her fingers, still clenched behind her back. Her jaw aches from the strain of gritting her teeth, trying not to lunge at these girls like a common animal and show them that they have much worse to fear than Hyun-su. Hyun-su who has never once hurt anyone who didn't deserve it, who was always trying to prove that he was more than a basic monster, that he was still himself.

     And it's always been like this. She remembers this from back at Green Home: isolating himself for the comfort of others, ostracizing himself for fear of causing distress. Taking all the pain and cruelty inflicted on him in silence because he didn't want to disturb anyone. Didn't want to cause a fuss. Because - and she knew for a fact that this was true, had seen it - some part of him might have even thought he deserved it.

     How absurd, that even after months of painstakingly protecting these people, of providing them food and water and peace of mind, he is still being looked down upon. Still being judged for things he can't control. They'll praise his strength to his face, never dare to say an unkind word where he can hear, but spew vitriol about him behind his back. They'll take every benefit he can give them with smiles on their faces, and then condemn the things that make it possible.

     Disgusting.

     The girls suddenly startle, gasping in horror and shooting to their feet. They scramble up the stairs without a second glance, and it's only then that Eun Yoo registers the footsteps behind her, the shadow intertwining with hers.

     "Eh? What are you doing?" Hyun-su asks. Eun Yoo turns to look at him and finds his head tilted curiously to the side, seemingly oblivious to what had just happened. He suddenly clicks his tongue and shakes his head, reaching for her. "You've hurt yourself, let me see."

     She blinks at him, watching the way he frowns as he pulls her hands out from behind her, taking them in his. Eun Yoo glances down at them and finds blood crusted under her fingernails, deep half-moons carved into her flesh.

     "I have a first aid kit in my room," he says softly. "Come on."

     He leads her by the arm, careful not to touch any of the wounds even though Eun Yoo barely feels a thing. She never does, anymore. All those overwhelming physical sensations humans are burdened with foreign to her. Barely more than a tickle on her palms.

     She lets him lead her, anyway.

     When they get there, Hyun-su coaxes her to sit down on the bed and pulls out a first aid kit from underneath it. He takes out a package of Q-tips and soaks them in a disinfectant.

     "You don't heal like I do," he says, cradling the back of her hand and lightly tapping the cotton against the punctures. "You should be more careful."

     "It's fine," she says. "I don't feel anything."

     Eun Yoo swallows thickly. She used to not feel anything. The cuts don't hurt, but her chest feels uncomfortably heavy.

     Hyun-su is silent all the way up until he switches hands. The wounds on this one are worse, like she had been grinding her nails into the heel of her palm. "You didn't have to do that."

     "Do what?" She asks, tilting her head. Like this, Hyun-su is just barely shorter than her, kneeled between her thighs. It gives her the perfect view of the part in his hair, how silky smooth the top looks.

     "Defend me," he says. Eun Yoo blinks at him, vaguely startled. So...he really had heard? Everything? "I appreciate it but...you shouldn't worry too much about things like that."

     "Were you there the whole time?" She asks blankly.

     Hyun-su's lips thin but he lets out a hum of affirmation. "Mm."

     "And you just let them talk about you like that?"

     He sighs. "What should I do, then? If I confront them, they'll just be more afraid. You saw how they ran away when I approached...it really isn't that big of a deal. Sergeant Kim won't throw me out, I'm too valuable."

     That little fire in Eun Yoo's chest burns brighter. "That's not the point!"

     Hyun-su finishes with the disinfectant and pulls out two long bandaids. Eun Yoo frowns when she sees them. "I don't need--"

     "Let me," he says, looking up at her and staring into her soul with those big brown eyes. "Please?"

     Eun Yoo huffs but holds out her hands.

     Oddly enough, the cuts sting just a little bit when he presses them down, achingly gentle. His fingers smooth carefully along the length of the bandaids, making sure everything is covered, and Eun Yoo sees flashes of a past-her doing the same thing; covering scars long healed, yelling at him to stand up for himself for once, to make a fuss.

     Once he's seemingly satisfied that the bandaids won't come off, Hyun-su puts everything away. Eun Yoo watches the methodical movements and wonders at why he even has the kit in the first place. He told her once before that he doesn't need bandaids, and Eun Yoo has seen his wounds close right before her very eyes.

     "You shouldn't let people talk about you like that," she says. Hyun-su blinks and looks up at her through his bangs. "They don't have any right to. You protect them and feed them, they should keep their mouths shut."

     He shakes his head. "It's a collective effort--"

     "So what?" She snaps. Hyun-su startles just a little when one of her hands darts out to grasp his wrist. "It's still these hands, in the end. How can they talk about you like that? They eat the food you bring and hide behind the shield you provide, but they still shit talk you behind your back. Why should you have to deal with it because they're afraid? So what! Everyone's afraid of something, they should grow up and deal with it."

     "Even you?" He asks. "Are you afraid of something?"

     Eun Yoo blinks in surprise, stumped. Is that...really all he took from that?!

     Her mouth opens and closes, brain frozen in her skull like he's flicked her right between the eyes. Part of her wants to say no. Of course she's not afraid of anything, why would she be? She is, by all technicalities, immortal. She is an unchanging being, forever stuck in time. If she were to ever die, she would simply be reborn. What does she have to fear in life?

     But...she looks at Hyun-su, with his big brown eyes and honey smile, sunshine dripping from every pore, and finds that there is...something in her. What exactly she is not sure, but it is undoubtedly there. She looks at Hyun-su, every bit of him radiant, and feels as if this something disappears near completely.

     (Perhaps even immortal beings can be afraid.

     But with Hyun-su, she feels safe.)

     "What does that have to do with anything?" She scoffs. "Is that all you take away from the conversation? This is about you, not me! You need to stop letting people walk all over you!"

     His lips twitch upwards. "I'm getting deja vu..."

     "Yah!" She exclaims. "So you remember what I said last time? Good, good-- then put it to use! If someone mistreats you, make it known. If it hurts, say it hurts! Don't just suffer in silence."

     Hyun-su tilts his head at her, still knelt at her side. "But it doesn't hurt," he says softly. "I have you."

     And Eun Yoo--

     Eun Yoo doesn't know what to say to that. She simply freezes, mouth wide open in a shout that never comes, stuck there like she's waiting to catch flies.

     "You--" she sputters, heart stuttering in her chest and face growing rapidly, uncomfortably warm. "You don't-- you what-- that's not--"

     She's speechless. For once in her life, Eun Yoo has absolutely no idea what to say. No idea what to make of this situation that she's found herself in. No idea how to handle the blow Hyun-su has just dealt her, hand still cradled in his own. Unable to hear anything above the rising of her own heartbeat, all she can think is: What...what did merging with his monster do to him?!

     Hyun-su watches her fumble for a moment and a gentle, distinctly amused smile forms on his face. "So...don't worry too much, okay?"

     Eun Yoo finally manages to snap herself out of it. "You still shouldn't let them talk about you like that."

     He opens his mouth to say something but she cuts him off. "No, listen." His mouth snaps shut with a click. "Even if it doesn't hurt...even if it doesn't bother you at all...they still don't have the right to talk about you behind your back. They aren't even brave enough to say it to your face. How can they teach others to talk so horribly about their saviors? They don't even have a hint of gratitude!"

    Eun Yoo bites her lip, sucking in a deep breath and loathing every second of the way it trembles with recurring fire. "Just...defend yourself if you see it, at least. Don't just stand there and take it."

     Hyun-su stares up at her for a moment, sunshine eyes swimming with something indescribable. After a moment, he squeezes her fingers gently, like he's trying to comfort her, and isn't that bizarre. Why would she need comfort? He's the one being taken for granted, the one being treated like a beast for things he can't control.

     How absurd.

     "Okay," he says, voice incomparably soft as always. "If I see it, I'll try my best. But...don't do this again, okay?"

     He runs the pad of his thumb featherlight over the bandage. "You shouldn't hurt yourself, especially over this."

     Eun Yoo swallows thickly, catching the hint of familiar, jagged scars peeking out of his sleeve. The sight of them makes her stomach twist with something heavy, the thought of a Hyun-su who did that to himself...who felt like it was the only thing he could do...like he had to...

     It doesn't sit right. It makes her feel all shaky down to her very core, and her chest grows uncomfortably tight. Maybe she can understand why Hyun-su is so upset now, even over something as minor as a few puncture wounds.

     She doesn't want him to hurt himself anymore, either.

     "Okay," she says, just as soft. Then for some reason she can't discern, she holds out a pinky. "Promise."

     Hyun-su lets out a laugh that sounds almost disbelieving and unbearably fond, raising his own pinky to meet hers. "Promise," he says, and intertwines them.

     Eun Yoo falls asleep in his room that night.

     So, yeah. Maybe the feelings and emotions aren't all that abhorrent. Maybe sometimes they lead to things that make her feel distressingly fuzzy and warm, like being swaddled by a weighted blanket. Maybe they have their benefits, like being able to understand the idiosyncrasies of the people around her and who to avoid, who she can count on to get certain tasks done.

     Sometimes, though, Eun Yoo thinks that maybe it's too much. Maybe she's simply not made to handle these sensations like everyone else. All of the other neohumans - the people who manage to feel, that is - seem to take it in stride, as if remembering these emotions suddenly makes them remember what to do about them.

     For Eun Yoo, it's not so easy. It really does seem that, no matter how familiar these sensations get, she never seems to know what to do about them or how to express them. She's clueless about the way her world brightens when she experiences them, incandescent. Can't for the life of her figure out whether that brightness is good or bad.

     Eun Yoo is used to seeing things in shades of grey. The way she lives is like an old TV film, blurry at the edges, static washing away any light. She's fine with that, content with it. The static means security and the comfort of habit. It means knowing herself completely, inside and out, without getting things confused with color.

     But those colors seem determined to add themselves into the equation. If she tries to fight them, she just feels them tenfold. If she tries to ignore them, they simply buzz in her chest until she no longer can. If she acknowledges them, they take that as permission to continue on, to saturate her dull world and erase any of the stable grey.

     And they are bright. Bright and impossible to get rid of, like marker stains on white fabric. They glow so intensely it's a miracle she hasn't gone blind, and Eun Yoo can't help but wonder if she's the only one feeling this, or if everyone experiences their vibrancy.

     Sometimes, the colors are fascinating; fractured rainbows shooting through her vision, a kaleidoscope of fuzzy sensations in her chest, fresh springs and dazzling stars and all types of sunshine rays. Sometimes, Eun Yoo can find it within herself to sit there and feel them; to acknowledge the way they explode in her chest, to stoke their flame even, when she feels in the mood. Sometimes, it's not so bad.

     Sometimes though, Eun Yoo thinks the colors aren't so pretty. Thinks they become mottled and distorted with their own weight. Thinks that they are simply too heavy for any beauty to outweigh.

     Sometimes, Eun Yoo thinks the colors are just too bright.

     Eun Yoo doesn't know why she keeps going on the supply runs.

     Her presence isn't exactly necessary, what with the fact that they've slowly but surely started to grow their own food. A few weeks ago an old farmer and his wife even set up an area to raise some chickens (if they can find some), so the only reason they even need to go on these trips in the first place is for medical supplies.

     Maybe it's the fact that Eun Yoo spends most of her time around Hyun-su these days. He's so bright that it seems like only around him can she ever really see any color. When he leaves, her world becomes dull once more, like all of the vibrancy has been sucked from it at once. She doesn't really see the appeal of hanging out around the humans; they never seem to know what to say in her presence. And she certainly doesn't care to hang around any of the other neohumans, as most of the time it simply ends with them staring at the adjacent wall in silence.

     Truthfully, Eun-hyeok is the only neohuman she can stand to be around, which she thinks might make sense considering he used to be her brother.

     (Part of her wonders if he still is her brother, or if that title is reserved for a life they can no longer force themselves to live. If he would even care to be her brother in the first place, or if he still sees her as someone not worth the risk.

     She thinks maybe she understands him a bit more now. She remembers breaking down in the face of his callous indifference, the phantom impression of a hefty weight on her chest. Sometimes, if Eun Yoo thinks really, really hard on it, she can even remember how it felt to stare into his numb eyes and drown in their emptiness.

     But she does also think that maybe she was overreacting. Eun-hyeok was right: she really didn't offer much help as a human. All of her strengths lied in her intelligence, and even that was dull compared to what it is now. Hyun-su was a fighting force, and Eun Yoo was not. It's as simple as that.

     Yet still, she does feel the ghost of an ache in her heart at the thought that, even now, he has no need for her.)

     He still seems to be much better adjusted than she is. His smiles come easier, his frowns lacking their hollow mimicry. Eun Yoo has noticed, through countless hours of monotonous observation, that Eun-hyeok seems to enjoy being around children. She often finds him watching them quietly from the stairs, and when she asked him about it, all he said was:

     "They're very careless," voice inquisitive, head tilted. "They smile very freely, and they cry easily...even the children like us seem to have an easier time grasping the concept of emotion."

     She had blinked blankly at him, and he seemed to take that as incentive to continue on, because he had proceeded to go on a tangent about psychology and the difference between an adult brain and a child's brain. Truth be told, she had no interest in the conversation, but it was the longest Eun-hyeok had ever spoken to her since her hatching, and she couldn't bring herself to shut him down.

     Aside from those small moments with him, life at the shelter really was a dull thing. Perhaps she should be grateful for it. After all, a dull life was better than a dangerous one, but it seems that even her evolution didn't take away the parts of her that longed for activity. Eun Yoo still found it too hard to sit still for long periods of time; found herself traveling on autopilot outside, tending to the vegetables or taking lone walks through the forest when she could. It wasn't like she was in much danger, after all. Even if she didn't heal like Hyun-su did, she would simply be reborn if she suffered too many injuries, so safety wasn't an issue.

     (Still, some part of her whispered that Hyun-su would still be upset if she went and died, even if she would be reborn not too long after.)

     Yet, these small freedoms and bursts of activity did not quite sate the burning need for more in her. On the contrary, they only seemed to exacerbate it; like teasing a starving lion with the taste of blood. No matter how many hours she stayed out, or how many weeds she pulled, Eun Yoo's world was still so grey.

     Grey flowers and grey trees, grey sky and grey grass. She was always hearing how fulfilling the simple life could be, how much peace there was to be found in these things: picking vegetables and tending to the fields, living her life day by day and not having to worry about a constant threat to her existence.

     She knew that there were many humans who were envious of her position, even. That she had nothing to fear from death or injury or even time; that while they all lived out the rest of their moments reminiscing on the 'good ol' days' of technology and fancy restaurants, Eun Yoo might one day be around to see them return, if she were lucky.

    (Part of her wonders if such times would ever come at all. If there would ever be a day that humanity would build itself back up from this catastrophe, or if they would forever be stuck wishing they could.

     It feels like a pipe dream, too fantastical to imagine. But Eun Yoo has seen the history books, even if she didn't pay much attention to them. She knows just how stubborn humans can be in their survival.

     She wonders if there will be a place for people like her in this inevitable society. She wonders if she would be around to see it.)

     And perhaps they're right. Perhaps Eun Yoo is lucky. Perhaps she is privileged to be an evolved creature. But, deep inside, Eun Yoo privately thinks that there is no point to an everlasting life if it is spent in shades of grey. Who would want to live such a dull existence; surviving but never living; seeing the colors and knowing the colors but never being able to truly comprehend them.

     The only time she ever feels as if the grey fades is around Hyun-su, which is astoundingly cliché. If she was more of her old self, she might even cringe away from the thought. How absurd, that one person in this world could shine so brightly, be filled with so much color that he saturates her world completely.

     So, perhaps that is the real reason she chooses to keep going on the supply runs. Perhaps it's because of the way Hyun-su perks up when he sees her hop into the truck. Perhaps it's because of the warmth he inspires when he sits down next to her, tentatively inching closer with every passing second.

     Either way, there's no one aware enough of these thoughts to tell her how strange it all is, and so Eun Yoo keeps them to herself.

     It just so happens that her presence on this specific supply run inevitably leads to something more.

     Sometimes, Eun Yoo wonders about fate. She wonders if such a thing even exists; if every decision they make is truly 'written in the stars' as they say; if every person they meet and every word they exchange was always bound to happen. She doesn't think she used to believe in fate, seemingly too optimistic of an idea. Or, maybe she did. Perhaps even fate can be pessimistic if viewed in the right light.

     She also wonders if, say fate truly does exist, it has a vendetta against her.

     It starts like this: Eun Yoo hops into the truck and immediately realizes that the people in front of her are all human.

     Normally, she wouldn't care, but the fact of the matter is that humans are significantly more fragile than people like her. She has to spend more energy making sure they don't die, or get so badly injured that they have to remove one or more of their limbs (which did happen once, and the thought hasn't left her mind ever since). Maybe it is a little discriminatory to assume that these people will be incapable of protecting themselves, but Eun Yoo knows the facts, and the facts say that humans equal delicate.

     Thankfully, Hyun-su hops in right afterwards, sat closest to the opening as possible and prepared to defend them at any moment. Eun Yoo takes the seat across from him and finds herself foolishly, ludicrously disappointed that she can't sit next to him.

     As they drive, Eun Yoo can't help but steal occasional glances at his side profile. He's staring so severely out into the open you'd think he had a personal grudge against the grass. She shouldn't find his intense focus to be as endearing as it is, should she? The sunlight hits his face just right and makes his skin glow, even swaddled in black as he usually is. Eun Yoo finds herself staring at the sharp angle of his jawline and wondering how it would feel to trace it with her fingers.

      Seriously...She catches herself thinking these absurd thoughts, and it just happens to be the exact moment Hyun-su glances over at her. He gives her a gentle smile when he sees her looking, completely oblivious to the path her mind has taken. Eun Yoo forces herself to look away with a scowl.

     It doesn't take long for her to realize that her first impression about these humans was right, as was her worry.

     They seem incapable of being silent and all seem to know each other decently well, which makes for a horrible combination. The two in the middle look fairly young, possibly even teenagers (which then reminds Eun Yoo that she's technically only nineteen years old, and she feels incredibly odd for a moment), and are much louder than they should be for a mission that requires subtlety and stealth.

     This is one thing she has noticed about humans: above all else, no matter the circumstances, they seem to harbor a fair bit of arrogance. Many of them like to think themselves invincible, especially with the steady decline of monsters in the area. Even in the middle of a literal apocalypse, this fact remains true.

     While there are plenty who understand perfectly well what's at risk, Eun Yoo knows how to spot those that do not. Those who assume that just because they do not see a monster means that there aren't any, that they are completely safe and can therefore do whatever they want.

     They irritate her greatly.

     She feels something nudge her foot and realizes belatedly that she had been glaring daggers in their direction. She looks down and sees a boot smacking against the side of hers; looks up and sees Hyun-su staring back at her.

      "Aish, they're so annoying," whines a familiar voice. Eun Yoo glances to the side and finds Ha-ni sitting a few seats down from Hyun-su, who looks equally as surprised to see her there.

     Eun Yoo frowns; had she really not noticed her at all?

     "What are you doing here?" She deadpans.

     Ha-ni lets out a decently childish hmph and crosses her arms. "What? I can't come? I can help too, you know! I survived out here for a whole year before you came along."

     Eun Yoo blinks at her and finds herself once again foolishly astounded by Ha-ni's...Ha-ni-ness. Really, she should know better by now. This girl never makes any sense.

     "No," she says. "I just can't believe they let you on."

     Ha-ni gapes and then sputters with indignation. "I'll have you know that--"

     Boisterous laughter drowns out the rest of her sentence. Simultaneously, the two of them glance over to the commotion at the other end of the truck. The two boys are loudly arguing over something or another, shoving each other around while the other three surrounding them chant: "Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight!"

     Eun Yoo's left eye twitches.

     "Wow," Ha-ni gasps out, like they're watching a particularly riveting performance. "These guys are so stupid. Why are you questioning why I'm here instead of them?"

     "Don't worry," Eun Yoo says flatly. "I'm questioning both."

     "Oh, well, that's a relief," says Ha-ni. "Aish! I can't believe I'm stuck with them and you."

     Eun Yoo sighs, determined to not let her sudden switch in attitude surprise her again. The previously childish fight seems to have escalated into something not so childish; Ha-ni kicks her feet and purses her lips into a judgemental pout.

     "These guys have such horrible form. How have they survived so long?"

     At least that's something we can agree on, Eun Yoo thinks, watching one of them push the other into a bystander.

     "Yah!" One of the soldiers shouts from inside the truck. "Cut it out! This isn't the place for you to be fighting like that; settle it later!"

     Only, it seems they don't hear the man at all. The boy gets back up with a laugh and lunges at the other, rocking the vehicle and accidentally elbowing someone else in the process.

     "Something's wrong," Hyun-su suddenly says. Eun Yoo's head snaps over to him and she finds that he is gripping the side of the car so hard that the metal dents. He's staring out into the distance with a worrying alarm on his face, eyes darting in every direction.

     "Yeah, these guys are doofuses," Ha-ni sighs emphatically, chin resting in her hands.

     Hyun-su doesn't respond, and Eun Yoo follows his gaze to every spot it hits, finding absolutely nothing.

     "What is it?" She asks, inching closer to the edge of the car to get a better look.

     "I don't know," he responds, tone slightly frantic. "Something just feels off, like..."

     The sound of play-fighting only grows louder as time passes; Eun Yoo glances back just in time to see blood spurt from one of their noses as it breaks under the impact of a fist.

     "Like?" She asks.

     "Like..."

     Hyun-su's eyes widen suddenly and his wing bursts from his arm within seconds. "Drive faster!" He yells, but the soldier doesn't hear him over the commotion in the back, too busy shouting at them to cut it out.

     It's in that moment, right as Hyun-su's eyes turn pitch black, that the ground underneath them explodes.

     Eun Yoo's eyes widen and multiple people shriek in horror at the sudden, deafening noise. The detonation sends dirt skyrocketing into the air and out from the gaping hole that forms comes an absolutely humongous figure.

     At first, Eun Yoo thinks it's a worm. Its hulking, fat body is separated into damp, ring-like segments that ooze a steady trail of gorey slime onto the ground. The mud coating its flesh looks like coagulated blood, which it very well could be, and it's only when she glances up, up, up towards the top of it that she sees a huge human face peeking back at her.

     Its lips curve upwards into a nauseating grin, and then its mouth opens to bellow: "Blood!"

     The truck swerves rapidly to avoid it, turning so sharply that one of the boys tumbles over the edge and goes flying. It doesn't take half a second for the monster to react; before anybody even realizes, it is darting towards him at lightning speed, unhinging its jaw and scooping him up with ease.

     He's gone before he can even scream.

     "Oh my god!" Someone shrieks.

     It roars again, more powerful than any noise Eun Yoo has ever heard, and heads straight for them.

     "Holy shit," Ha-ni mumbles.

     Eun Yoo pulls out the gun in her waistband despite knowing it won't do much and shoots it right in the face. An acrid stench fills the air as an unknown green substance spills from the wound; it doesn't even slow down, just keeps heading straight for them. Everyone else seems to be panicking too badly to do anything, holding their hands over their ears and screaming. A few other people try shooting at it, but only succeed in sending more of that acidic scent into the air.

     When it gets close enough, Hyun-su smacks it as hard as he can with his wing. The bones rake through its flesh, sending a mess of green splashing all over the place; the second it touches the car, the metal melts before her very eyes.

     "Shit," she curses. "Where's the flamethrower?!"

     Nobody answers her, too transfixed on the sight of such a massive beast. Hyun-su hits it again, and again and again until it shrieks with rage and rears up, revealing long, tentacle-like appendages on its underside lined with what looks like hooked teeth. In seconds, one of them smashes against the side of the car, sending the vehicle flying.

     Eun Yoo feels something in her shoulder pop as she hits the ground, a dull, numbed pain spreading all the way through her arm. She hears another person shrieking, the sound of an explosion; something warm and sticky coats the side of her face and she groans, looking up to find that she has been thrown into the side of a building.

     She grimaces and stumbles to her feet, cursing her lack of healing abilities. It would make life so much easier if she simply didn't have to deal with these drawbacks.

     Through bleary vision, Eun Yoo sees the car flipped over on its side, on fire. There are people trying to pry the doors off with a piece of metal debris, tugging at the arms of those still trapped inside. Another ghastly roar shakes the very ground, causing her legs to tremble and her attention to divert towards the monster.

     Hyun-su is nothing but a blurred figure, zipping all around it and bashing his wings - plural, and she realizes that she's never seen him with both since Green Home - everywhere he can reach. The monster screeches and writhes on the ground, trying and failing to catch him in its tentacles.

     She needs to do something, she knows she needs to do something. Frantically, Eun Yoo wracks her brain for anything at all and comes up with nothing. One of the soldiers is desperately trying to hit the creature with the flamethrower, but it barely has any effect at all, not on something that big, not without an ignition...

    And maybe it's a stroke of luck, maybe it's fate (if it is, then she'll take back what she said about the vendetta). Either way, Eun Yoo looks to the side and sees that the building she had crashed into isn't any random building.

    It's a gas station.

    A gas station that, from the looks of it, was half-raided. There are corpses all around the pumps, and at their sides are metal canisters. When she picks one up, liquid sloshes around inside.

     Eun Yoo grabs another one and runs as fast as she can back towards the monster. It doesn't see her at all, too focused on the threat Hyun-su poses. One of the soldiers must see her coming, because he's suddenly at her side and helping her madly unscrew the caps.

     They both pick up one of the canisters and back up. "On three!" He shouts. "One, two, three!"

      They run as fast as they can, and the force with which they throw them sends the gasoline smashing right into it's face, splattering it all over the ground and its underside. Another soldier blasts it with the flamethrower right as Hyun-su's wings impale it through either eye, and then it is shrieking louder than she thought was possible, ears ringing, thrashing around frantically and--

     And in the last possible second, it wacks Hyun-su violently with one of its tentacles, the barbed teeth digging in and ripping open his abdomen in one fell swoop. He goes flying, bones breaking off his wings as the creature goes up in flames; he smashes so violently into the ground that it carves a crater into the concrete.

     Eun Yoo's eyes go wide and her heart drops to her stomach so suddenly that she nearly vomits. Before she even registers it, she's running towards him, narrowly dodging the hulking body that smashes to the ground in a burned lump, spewing acidic green everywhere.

     "I'm fine, I'm fine," he chokes out when she gets to him, his entire body trembling. Blood spews from between his lips and he coughs, grabbing his own throat.

     And--

     And--

     One of the soldiers comes rushing over, throwing the flamethrower to the ground and shoving her out of the way. Eun Yoo goes easily, stumbling onto her butt, unable to tear her gaze away from the giant tear in his abdomen.

     She can see his innards; his intestines hang out like they've been yanked on, blood gushing in an endless stream. Nausea fills her when she catches a glimpse of something white, smeared bloody: one of his ribs. She can see where the creature cleaved straight through the muscle of his pectoral, all the way across his shoulder and neck.

     And Eun Yoo...

     Eun Yoo's breath feels torn from her, as if she was the one with her insides hanging out. As if she were lying mangled on the ground, choking on her own blood. Her ears ring so horribly, everyone else sounds like they're underwater. She sees the soldier's lips move as he presses a hand down on Hyun-su's mutilated shoulder, trying to apply pressure. Thinks she hears the sound of a car approaching somewhere in the distance.

     All she can focus on is the red. She's never been bothered by gore before; has never felt this...this horrible in her own body. She doesn't even have a word for it, the way cold, vicious emptiness hollows her stomach. The way everything else slows down and suddenly all she can feel is her own heartbeat, the blood rushing in her ears. Hyun-su's blood, staining her hands.

     Hyun-su makes an anguished noise, choked and barely conscious, and that's when she snaps out of it.

     "-hey're almost here," says one of them. "Sergeant Kim said they're about two minutes away."

     Eun Yoo scrambles back to her feet and rushes over to Hyun-su, dropping to her knees at his side. She wants to help, wants to put pressure where it needs to be but--

     But there's so much blood. So much. So much and-- and Eun-hyeok's the one with medical training, not her. She doesn't know what to do about this, doesn't know how to help him in the slightest. Hyun-su's eyes are clenched tightly shut, but they flutter open when her hand comes up to tentatively rest on his unharmed shoulder.

     His eyes, bleary and nearly completely out of focus, find hers. More blood spills from between his lips and Eun Yoo's hand shakes so badly that her nails dig into his shirt.

     "I'm--" he starts. "Ok..ay"

     She shakes her head, feels her breathing speeding up to near impossible levels. She doesn't understand what this feeling is, this all-consuming ice. Hyun-su-- he'll be fine. She knows he will, logically. Every part of her knows that. She's seen him heal before: has seen his skin stitch itself back together before her very eyes. He's always recovered in record time.

     But...he's never been hurt like this.

     She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to fight against the foreign burning building up in them.

     "I'll-- heal," Hyun-su continues. She opens her eyes just in time to see him reach down towards his stomach and--

     And he messily shoves his intestines back inside, like he's done it a thousand times (and maybe he has. Maybe this isn't uncommon for him. They were separated for a year, after all. She has no idea what he's been through, but the thought that he's experienced this before, that this kind of agony is normal for him is--). He chokes again, this time on the sheer anguish of it.

     "Stop it," she whispers, the burning in her eyes growing stronger. "Stop it, Hyun-su."

     He doesn't stop; keeps shoving his organs back inside like that'll fix them and Eun Yoo can't stand the sight of it, the sound, the slick heat of blood sticking to her fingers, his blood. Can't stand to listen to the little, tortured noises that escape him with every movement; she grabs his wrist before it can return and holds him still.

     "Cha Hyun-su," she hisses, throat closing up. "Stop it, stop it."

    He blinks up at her and frowns. "It's-- okay. Don't...cry..."

     She can't believe this. Can't believe that he's really this selfless, to try and comfort her when he just started shoving his own organs back into his body. When there's more blood coating his skin and the ground and their clothes than he could possibly have in his veins. When he's dying. He's dying right in front of her and yet still he's--

     "Look," he rasps out, eyes flickering to the tear in his shoulder. "It's...already healing..."

     And it is. Eun Yoo's blurry vision wavers as she watches the muscle, fat, and skin start to repair itself, knitting back together slowly but surely. He grimaces at the sensation and turns his head to the side to spit the lingering blood in his mouth; no more follows.

     Eun Yoo's insides still squirm with ice, though. Still feel as if someone has ripped them out and shoved them back in all wrong (how ironic). She hears the sound of a car pulling up and the excited, frantic shouts of the people behind her, but can't pull her eyes away from the blood coating Hyun-su's skin, from the ribs she can still see peeking out from his flesh.

     "Over here, over here!" Someone calls, and the sound of footsteps rushing her way startles her so badly that she yanks out the knife from her belt. Before she even realizes it, she has it pressed right into a pale throat.

     She glares upwards, and Sergeant Kim stares down at her intensely, hands raised in surrender.

     "We have to get him in the truck," he says. "You want him to heal, don't you?"

     Eun Yoo swallows thickly, hand trembling so violently around the handle that it nicks him just a little, sending a droplet of blood into the grass. Something warm suddenly presses against her thigh, and her attention snaps down to the red hand touching her.

     "It's fine," Hyun-su says. "I told you...I'm already healing."

     Eun Yoo stares at him, listening to the raspy sound of his breathing, feeling the way Sergeant Kim slowly shifts away from the knife. When she lowers it, he immediately gets up.

     "I need some people to help lift him," he tells the soldier next to her, who nods and starts shouting orders at the people behind them.

     Eun Yoo just keeps staring down at the hand on her thigh, the way it squeezes periodically, still trying to comfort her.

     Cha Hyun-su, she thinks to herself. You really are...a complete idiot sometimes.

     They pick him up and lay him down in the truck. Eun Yoo doesn't stop watching the way his chest moves for the entire ride.

     Her hands are still so red.

    Fear is something Eun Yoo - this Eun Yoo - is unaccustomed to. It's something she's rarely ever though of, even. What is there to be scared of when you are essentially immortal? What is there to hide from when, no matter how many times you are harmed or killed, you will always get back up in the end?

     Nothing.

     There is nothing in this world that Eun Yoo has any reason to fear.

     And so, when fear wraps it's cold, jagged claws around her heart, she is completely unprepared.

     Hasn't the slightest idea what to do about it; is utterly overwhelmed by it in minutes, milliseconds, in no time at all. Eun Yoo sits there, feeling those claws rake through the soft flesh on her belly, carving their way down to her innards, and can do absolutely nothing about it.

     It's...awful. She's often thought that many human emotions seemed like more a liability than anything, but this...

     This is beyond even that. Beyond a mild annoyance or abstract mental-aches. Beyond anything she could imagine when Hyun-su described what certain things feel like in all their intensity. When Hyun-su told her about fear, she thought: how frustrating that must be.

     It's not frustrating. Not in the slightest.

     No, Eun Yoo can't find it within herself to feel anything more than cold. Cold down to her core, like her heart's been replaced by a ragged chunk of ice. Each pump floods her veins with acid, with a debilitating chill that wipes any coherent thoughts from her mind. Each breath she takes, winter.

     She knows, in that moment, that fear is perhaps the most primal of emotions. More so than rage, or bloodlust, or even carnal desire. Fear breaks her down to her most animal self, to the parts of her that act purely on instinct and without any care for others; with no care for anything aside from abating it, from solving whatever has done this to her.

     And, for the first time since her hatching, Eun Yoo is faced with a problem that she cannot solve. That will not bend to her will, no matter how much weight she forces upon it.

     All she can do is wait.

     By the time they get back to the shelter, night has fallen and Hyun-su's shoulder is nearly completely healed. She can still see the torn skin, but now it looks more like a particularly deep laceration than if someone had attempted to saw his arm off. It's still hard to look at, though. She doesn't understand why that is; why she has to force herself to not close her eyes or focus on something else. She's never had this problem before. No matter how severe the wound, it's never made her feel this cold before.

     This helpless.

     The tear in his abdomen is another problem all together. It...isn't healing at all. In fact, it only seems to be getting worse, like something is eating away at the flesh. And that only makes the winter in her chest grow ever frigid.

     At some point, Hyun-su passes out. Whether from the pain or the blood loss, nobody knows. Either way, Eun Yoo tries her hardest to hide the way her hands tremble in her lap; she knows she's failed when she makes eye contact with Ha-ni and sees the unfamiliar concern in her eyes.

     It's humiliating, the immediate dread she feels when they take Hyun-su into the makeshift infirmary. She looks at his comatose form being laid down on the bed and feels an intense sensation of deja vu.

     When she tries to enter the room, Sergeant Kim stops her.

     "Wait," he says, voice more gentle than she's ever heard it. "I know this is hard, but things will go faster the less people that are in the room."

     "His stomach isn't healing," Eun Yoo says and hopes he ignores the tinge of desperation in her voice. She tries to look past him, but he blocks her view.

     "We know," he says. "They're going to figure out why and hopefully fix it, but right now, you being in there would just slow down the process. You want him to heal, don't you?" He repeats the same thing he had told her only an hour ago, to the same effect.

     Eun Yoo swallows thickly and stares at him for another moment. Sergeant Kim...she remembers thinking a bit poorly of him in the past; that he was arrogant and too cocky for his own good. That he didn't take people seriously. Now, though, all she sees is someone who is very, very tired. Someone who looks at her like he understands exactly how she feels.

     Wordlessly, Eun Yoo sits down on the ground.

     She hears him sigh softly. "You should go get something to eat," he says.

     "I'm fine here," she says. "I'm not hungry, anyways."

     He doesn't say anything else and after a moment, Eun Yoo hears him close the door.

     The silence is suffocating.

     She never thought a lack of noise could be so overwhelming to her senses, but it is. Worse than even every shriek that beast had let out, every roar that shook the ground. Eun Yoo closes her eyes and feels those phantom shakes run tremors through her legs, her shoulders; feels the way her eyes burn as her head thumps back against the wall.

     Why does she feel this way? She doesn't...understand. Her saliva is uncomfortably thick against her tongue, forming a lump in the back of her throat. The scene of that creature smacking Hyun-su right out of the sky plays like a horrible nightmare on the back of her eyelids. She smells the acerbic gunk spewing from its wounds, tastes acid on her tongue, feels blood that isn't hers coagulate under her fingernails and in the inter-digits, hears Hyun-su's voice, a choked whisper in her head: It's-- okay. Don't...cry.

     Eun Yoo inhales a shuddery breath, digging her nails into her palms hard enough that they sting and that burns, too. Burns because it shouldn't hurt. Shouldn't hurt at all, and she's suddenly becoming all too aware of the throbbing in her shoulder, the ache in her wrist.

     None worse than the ache in her chest, though.

     Don't be ridiculous, she scolds herself internally. Hyun-su would be fine, he would be. He was like her: effectively immortal, incapable of dying. Even if they were slightly different, they were the same in that aspect. There was never an injury he hadn't healed from. She's seen his body near entirely and knows that, despite the countless wounds he has sustained, not one of them left a scar.

     (None aside from the ones he gave himself.)

     She abruptly uncurls her fingers, no longer digging in her nails.

     And she just sits there. Unable to pull her eyes away from the darkness, from the replay of his organs spilling across the ground. Unable to dig her nails into her skin yet craving some sort of release, anything that would abate the hollow coldness consuming her, eating away at her insides.

     She hears footsteps, and then feels someone slide down next to her.

     For a long moment, Eun Yoo doesn't open her eyes at all. Simply...can't. Can't bring herself to look away from the only image of Hyun-su she has right now, no matter how horrible it feels to watch it over and over. She expects this person to say something eventually; she knows by now that most humans get very uncomfortable in long silences, but nothing comes.

     Only after many minutes - or perhaps hours, she wouldn't be able to tell - have passed does Eun Yoo manage to rip her gaze away.

     She opens her eyes to find Ha-ni right next to her, head tipped back against the wall just like her, staring into the distance with her knees to her chest.

     "What are you doing here?" Eun Yoo asks. She doesn't have the energy in her to feel embarrassed by how raspy her voice sounds.

     Ha-ni shrugs. "Just figured you could use the company."

     Eun Yoo scoffs emotionlessly. "Why would I?"

     Ha-ni pouts slightly. "It's not good to be alone when loved ones are suffering."

     Eun Yoo stares at her for a moment, takes in the soft curve of her jaw and the upturn of her nose. They've never been close. Not when Eun Yoo was human, and certainly not now. In fact, she has memories of strongly disliking this eccentric girl beside her; of thinking her too wild to associate with, or perhaps just too touched in the head. But...

     Her eyes look a little red in this lighting.

     Eun Yoo turns her head away and stares up at the concrete ceiling. "Whatever."

     Ha-ni is silent for a moment and then she suddenly blurts out: "Have you ever played Yaja Time?"

     Eun Yoo fights the urge to roll her eyes. "No."

     "We should play," she says.

     "Why?" Eun Yoo deadpans, watching the way the light flickers momentarily. "We don't speak formally to each other in the first place."

     "Oh," Ha-ni says, as if this is something she's just now realized. "You're right."

     Silence, once more.

      The light above them buzzes, and it makes Eun Yoo think about Green Home for some odd reason. The lights there flickered like this, too, until they were shut off. She remembers staring up at them on nights she couldn't sleep and wondering whether or not a monster would break through the main gate. If that long-tongued freak would come back and suck the life out of her too, or if she would have to watch her brother get eaten instead.

     Inevitably, her thoughts would always wander towards the strange boy in the black hoodie, forced to isolate himself from everyone else for the crime of being dangerous. Remembers how his face was perpetually blank, and how a times, he seemed so small even with his height.

      And all it does is make her think about her boy. Who grew and grew until he fit into his own body; until his bangs no longer hid his pretty eyes, and his hoodies no longer blocked out his sunshine. Until he smiled more freely and spoke more openly, defended himself against people who tried to knock him back down.

     The boy who asked her are you scared? when she approached him on that stairwell. Who said you're walking well and looked genuinely shocked when she said she quit ballet. Who said why? You were so good.

     The boy who, while bleeding out on the ground, told her: It's okay. Don't cry.

     And it's so ironic that she remembers those words now. They taste almost as bitter as the salt that coats her lips, the warmth that drips slowly down her cheek. Eun Yoo looks away from the ceiling light and all the bits of Hyun-su it reminds her of, and can't stop the way the rest of them flow down.

     "There's no shame in crying," Ha-ni suddenly says. Eun Yoo wants to kick her for mentioning it at all. "It's probably good to cry, actually...it's toxins building up in your brain, y'know."

     Eun Yoo takes a deep, shuddering breath. "How do you know?"

     "Hm? Oh, I read it somewhere in a book," she says. "But, yeah. Crying's good, at least you aren't bottling it all up until you explode. That's the worst; you really can't clean that kind of mess up completely."

     She's still trying to slow her breathing, trying to swallow enough times that the saliva in her mouth becomes a little less thick. "What are you even saying?" She mumbles to herself through it all.

     "Yah, you should listen to me!" Ha-ni exclaims. "I'm plenty wise! I'm sure Hyun-su would be honored that you're crying over him, hm? It shows you care, that's progress!"

     "You're insane," Eun Yoo chokes out, though it lacks any heat. "That monster must have really knocked the rest of your braincells out completely."

     "No, I've always been like this," she says proudly.

     Eun Yoo feels, absurdly, exasperation fill her in the midst of everything else. This girl....is really awful at comforting people.

     It's not like Eun Yoo can criticize her for it, though. She remembers being abhorrent at it herself, back when she still cared for it. She was more likely to make the situation worse than actually help at all.

     But...Hyun-su hadn't run away screaming when she tried it on him. No, he'd smiled for the first time she had ever seen and let her link their pinkies.

     "You should probably go wash all the blood off," Ha-ni says.

     Eun Yoo blinks and looks down at herself, at all the crimson staining her hands and her clothing. She wonders how she could have forgotten about it at all, the physical proof of Hyun-su's anguish painted across her.

     "I'm fine," she says.

     "Aish! You're stubborn, is what you are! Do you think sitting there like that is gonna make him get better faster? Hah?"

     Eun Yoo's eyebrows furrow. "What does it matter?"

     Ha-ni heaves a great, huge sigh. "Wow. You're totally clueless. Even now...fine, lets put it this way: do you want the first thing Hyun-su sees when he wakes up to be you, squeaky clean and perfectly fine, or do you want him to be greeted with the sight of blood and that rats nest on top of your head?"

     "You really don't know how to speak to people at all, do you?" Eun Yoo asks rhetorically.

     "Sure I do! Because you're totally going to get up and do what I say!" Ha-ni says. Eun Yoo feels her eye twitch, fingers fighting to curl once more at her sides. But...she can't ignore the (insane) logic behind her words.

     Hyun-su...wouldn't want her to mope around covered in his blood.

     Eun Yoo sits there for another moment, in which Ha-ni starts humming some obnoxious tune to herself. It's only once the noise has drowned out the infinitesimal shuffling of feet inside the infirmary that she finally stands.

     "See! Wow, it took way less time than I thought! Maybe I'm really good at this..." Ha-ni mumbles to herself.

     Eun Yoo sighs and starts to walk away. However, she only gets a few footsteps in before Ha-ni is calling out to her again.

     "Eun Yoo," she says, unusually serious. "You don't have to be ashamed of being scared. Everyone is at some point...don't hold back your tears, especially when they're for other people. When someone is around that you can cry over...that's a good thing."

     And then she goes back to humming to herself, just like that.

     Eun Yoo replays those words over and over in her head, until even the desolate sadness in Ha-ni's voice becomes redundant; until she's memorized every pause.

     If she lets herself cry in the water...well, it washes away her tears anyway.

     Eun Yoo never imagined that fear could evoke such a primal reaction. Or, perhaps that is not it. She's seen humans make abysmal decisions out of fear, ones that often led to someone else's loss. As she observed them, she came to understand (only slightly) that humans don't seem to think clearly when afraid. In fact, she can count on one hand the number of people she's seen keep a level head in stressful situations.

     So, she had some idea of the kind of impact fear had on the brain.

     She wasn't prepared for it to be so...irrational, though. So debilitating.

     When Eun Yoo finally extracts herself from the water, the pads of her fingers are wrinkly and squishy to the touch. The red had been removed from them long ago, and still she could not bring herself to get out. In that moment, as she thought about how warm the blood had felt on her fingers, removing herself had really seemed like the hardest thing in the world.

    It was foolish and not based in any sort of fact, but for a moment, Eun Yoo had stared down at her pruney fingers and imagined that leaving the water would stain them once more. That, if she were to get rid of the only thing keeping her clean she would find herself soaked through, red the only bit of color in this otherwise grey world.

     (It wasn't often that she found herself wishing she had never evolved. That she had stayed human and never had to relearn anything. But...

     Eun Yoo found herself thinking about the cold weight in her stomach, like she had swallowed a bunch of lead. Found herself unable to focus on anything aside from the anxious beat of her heart, as if she had consumed an entire bag of sugar.

     And she couldn't help but think that...maybe if she had never turned, maybe if she was still human, she would know how to deal with these sensations. That they would be less intense, or simply easier to comprehend.

     Anything at all that would ease them.)

     She forced herself out anyway. These thoughts were ridiculous at best, and ludicrous at worst. Getting out of the water would not turn back time; it would not suddenly cause Hyun-su's blood to materialize again on her skin. She was being foolish, illogical, and an emotional mess.

     (And how odd was it that only around a year ago had she been completely numb. Devoid of any and all saturation, all vibrancy. A year ago in which she had been completely clueless as to the inner workings of humans, why they valued emotions and relationships seemingly above all else. A year ago in which she had proclaimed - gratefully nonetheless - that she had no need for these pointless sentiments. A year ago in which she had looked at all of the people she used to feel for and felt absolutely nothing.

     And she wishes, even just for a moment, that she could go back to that time. To being completely oblivious to the intricacies of the human heart. To gazing at everything and everyone with the same level of apathy and shallow curiosity. To remaining logical and level-headed in every situation.

     Then, she thinks about all the smiles Hyun-su gave her whenever she showed even just the slightest inkling of emotion, and throws the thought away.)

     Eun Yoo is slightly surprised no one came to get her when she sees that the sun is setting. She had been in that water for...hours at least. They usually weren't allowed more than fifteen minutes to bathe, and even that was a stretch sometimes. When she walks out of the washing station, hair dripping all over her shirt, she sees a soldier standing by the door.

     He hadn't been there before; he nods to her once when she emerges and then leaves.

     Ah...maybe she really should rethink her opinion of Sergeant Kim...

     As she walks back to the infirmary, Eun Yoo stares down at her hands, half expecting the gore to return. Half expecting to see splashes of red every time she blinks. The longer she spends outside of the water, the more the hollow in her stomach screams.

     Why had she spent so long in there? What if Hyun-su really wasn't okay and she had wasted hours wallowing in her own misery instead of waiting outside the infirmary for him? What if she had missed her chance to be there for him when he woke up? What if he hadn't actually healed at all and this was the last time she might ever see him and--

     Look, she hears his voice choke out in her head, sees flashes of flesh knitting back together. It's already healing.

     Eun Yoo takes a deep breath and squeezes her eyes shut; tells herself repeatedly in her head that Hyun-su is perhaps even more invulnerable than she is. That he always, always heals. That there has never been a moment that he didn't heal. Even injuries that would have killed a normal human on the spot have never done more than knock him down for a little bit. He said it himself: he'll be fine. In fact, he's probably already fine. She had been in that water for a few hours at least; he was most likely completely healed by now.

     She tells herself these things until her own voice becomes redundant. Until the words echo around in her head like ping-pong balls bouncing through an empty space. Until she can repeat them without much effort at all.

     (Yet still, it doesn't do much to abate the growing dread in her stomach.)

     When she gets to the infirmary, Ha-ni is long gone. Eun Yoo stares at the spot she had occupied for a little longer than necessary, wondering absently why the sight feels so out of place to her. Why would she still be there? It had been hours.

     There aren't any guards outside the infirmary, and as she tears her gaze away from the empty space, the coldness gnaws at her insides. The lingering anxiety is amplified tenfold, practically punching her in the face with the abruptness of it all.

     Hyun-su...isn't there either.

     It's absurd, the way her heart suddenly drops to her toes, the way she immediately freezes in place. It's absolutely and completely unjustifiable the way her breathing skips to a halt. Winter blows frigid air through her gut.

     Hyun-su...isn't there at all.

     It takes a humiliatingly long time for her to comprehend this thought. She stares at the makeshift hospital bed - stripped down to the mattress - and doesn't truly understand what she's looking at for a moment. It's like seeing something too unnatural to be real; in that moment, you truly think to yourself that what you're looking at must be false. That your brain is misinterpreting things or you've simply gone mad.

     There is...nobody. No soldier, no doctor, no Hyun-su. Simply...nothing at all.

     Nothing aside from the pile of fabric in the corner: the bedsheets, soaked in so much blood that Eun Yoo can barely tell their original color.

     And all of the sudden, the winter in her stomach is replaced with pure, unadulterated dread. It's so intense that Eun Yoo nearly stumbles in her haste to exit the room, all sorts of thoughts tumbling through her head.

     She had been in the bath for hours. Long enough for the sun to rise over the horizon, and in that time, Hyun-su had disappeared. Had vanished without a trace and nobody had come to inform her. Why? Was it because they simply hadn't noticed? Or was it because nobody wanted to be the one to tell her, the unpredictable neohuman, that Hyun-su was--

     Was--

     (If she were even a fraction more coherent, she would have dismissed this thought immediately. Hadn't she just spent so long reminding herself of all the reasons Hyun-su would be fine? Hadn't she already disproven this illogical thought process? And yet, here she was, falling right back into it in seconds. With no further proof needed but the sight of his blood on some sheets.

     She understands now: fear really did erase all rational thought from the human mind.)

     Eun Yoo runs past multiple soldiers in her haste, many of which try to stop her the moment they see her. She shoulders past them in a tizzy, head spinning with horrible idea after horrible idea; images that grow increasingly more gruesome and tragic with every passing second, until she stumbles so badly on the stairs that she nearly face plants.

     Eun Yoo never understood the sentiment of sacrifice for others. She knows she used to have people she would sacrifice for, but never comprehended the reason for it. Never understood when people said they would do anything for someone. That they would give up everything they had.

     But right now...she really would do anything, anything at all, if it meant Hyun-su would be fine.

     Even if it meant having to deal with these messy sensations for the rest of eternity. Even if it meant that she would never truly learn to deal with them, and would always remain overwhelmed by their intensity. Even if it meant every sacrifice possible. In that moment, Eun Yoo was sure she would choose it all.

     She comes to a halt in front of Hyun-su's door, breath heavy with an exertion she didn't know she could feel, fingers curling into clammy fists at her side. Her feet remain planted firmly to the floor, as if moving would make his corpse appear right in front of her, cold and lifeless just like the winter in her chest.

     When she finally gathers the courage to tentatively push the door open, her throat closes in on itself and a bead of sweat runs down her temple. Her heart squeezes violently in her chest with a sudden, terrifying trepidation as the movement reveals a sliver of light and--

     And Hyun-su, laying completely fine on his bed.

     The breath stalls in her lungs all at once. Her heart spasms like its been electrocuted, painful and tender, and then restarts all at once.

     He's staring up at the ceiling absentmindedly, face free of the anguish previously contorting it, not a speck of red on his tan skin. His fingers tap a thoughtless rhythm on his stomach, skin hidden by a fresh button down.

     When the door squeaks open, he turns to her.

     And it's absurd, really, the way his gentle smile makes her heart stutter in her chest even now. Dread still lingers in her stomach, calmed only by the force of pure will and the lack of pain on his features, the absence of blood on his flesh.

     "Hey," he says casually, as if she didn't just nearly have a heart attack looking for him. "I was wondering where you were--"

     And Eun Yoo-- Eun Yoo feels suddenly indignant.

     That, too, is absurd. A heat flares in her chest to accompany the persistent foreboding and Eun Yoo thinks that it's especially foolish of her to be angry in this situation. Why is this her first emotion?! It really is too paradoxical!

     Yet still, this feeling grows and grows to something ginormous in her chest. Until it's a flame nearly the size of the ice, because she-- she had lost her mind with worry when she returned and he wasn't there. Had ran around like an absolute maniac searching for him, and yet he was just sitting in here staring at the ceiling!? While she stumbled over her own panic trying to find him, he was chilling here as if nothing had happened!

     Cha Hyun-su, she thinks to herself, feeling her face warm with rage. You really are so infuriating!

     And he must see something on her face because he rises to his feet in moments. "What's wr-"

     "Cha Hyun-su!" She shouts, probably loud enough for the entire hall to hear her. He blanches, eyes going wide. "You-- you-- you absolute fool! You utter idiot!"

     Hyun-su's lips part in astonishment, and he instinctively takes a step back when she approaches him, kicking the door shut behind her. "I-"

     "What is _wrong_ with you?! Do you have any common sense at all? Did you think for one moment when you just left?!"

     His eyes grow even wider, confusion etching itself into his handsome face and that only infuriates her more because how can he not realize? How can he not understand how terrified she was?

     She storms right up to him and gets in his space, bitter about the fact that she has to crane her neck up to look him in the eye. "Take off your shirt," she commands.

     His mouth drops. "What--?"

     "Your shirt!" She yells. "Take it off--"

     And he doesn't move so she reaches forward and starts frantically yanking at the buttons. Her heart thuds horribly in her throat and she just-- she just needs to see. Needs the proof that he's fine underneath it all; thinks that if she doesn't get it she might really go insane but she can't even get the buttons off because her fingers are shaking so badly--

     One of his hands comes up to lay atop hers. It's big and warm and envelops hers completely, soothing the uncontrollable trembling. Her voice dies and her mouth clicks shut, all of the fight leaving her.

     "Eun Yoo," he says, tone unbearably soft. He squeezes gently. "I'll take it off, I'll take it off. Just...breathe."

     And she does. She inhales a big, trembling breath and hates the way it makes her throat feel so thick; makes her feel like she's drowning, like his hand, the warmth of his skin on hers - real, genuine, alive - is the only thing keeping her afloat. The pad of his thumb runs slowly across her knuckles, until those tremors are forced to concede to his touch, easing ever so slightly.

     Eun Yoo finally looks away from where they're intertwined and glances up at him; his face is slightly distorted, her vision blurry at the edges. When their eyes meet, it's like looking into a pool of honey, coating her bitterness in gold. She bites down on her bottom lip, embarrassed at how she can feel it start to wobble; his eyes are really too soft, his touch too sweet.

     Slowly, Hyun-su's free hand comes up to undo the buttons on his shirt. It's clumsy, and he tugs too hard at the end, sending one of them flying to a random corner. Eun Yoo suddenly feels hesitant to look and desperate at the same time; afraid to get her eyes on him, afraid not to.

     Inevitably she does look, and finds that between the folds of his shirt is nothing but smooth, unblemished skin. She swallows thickly, heart trembling with both relief and something more. Eun Yoo's fingers itch and she fights the urge to curl them into fists; every instinct she has wants to press close to him and hear his heartbeat for herself, as if the literal proof in front of her somehow isn't enough. The image of him, bloodied and mangled, still stains the backs of her eyelids, still startles her every time she blinks. His voice, filled with unbridled anguish, telling her not to cry; that it was all right.

     Even while choking on his own blood, Hyun-su was still worried about her.

     And it makes her eyes blurry all over again, to remember the glazed, far-away stare. How hard he had tried to focus entirely on her; how he had still found it within himself to comfort her even when he was visibly in so much agony. It makes her breath turn shallow all over again, fingers shaking hesitantly over the fabric of his shirt, skimming just barely over the defined muscles there. She's afraid to touch him, she realizes belatedly. Afraid that, if she does, he might prove to be just a fantasy.

     Hyun-su decides for her. He grabs her hovering hand in his free one so delicately, you'd think she was made of porcelain; brings it up, up, up to press softly against his left pectoral.

     "Just listen," he whispers, gazing down at her.

     Eun Yoo swallows thickly and feels slightly pathetic for the tremor that runs through her at the sound of his voice so close, the warmth of his breath caressing the top of her head. Underneath her palm a steady - if slightly fast - pulse thumps away.

     "See?" Hyun-su murmurs. "I'm okay."

     And...he is. With every healthy beat of his heart underneath her palm, Eun Yoo feels it. He inhales deeply, slowly, almost deliberately, and it's only further proof that Hyun-su is here in front of her; alive and completely fine, just like she logically knew he would be. Without a single scar as proof of what had occured, the gruesome scene wiped away as if she had dreamt it all up.

     The breath leaves her in an aching rush, relief pouring through her like sunshine through storm clouds. She doesn't even register it when she leans forward and lets her weight fall into him, pressing her forehead against his collarbone. It's different than last time, with the feeling of his bare skin on hers. He's just as warm as every intimate memory of him suggests, but it's so different feeling it in the moment. Like he's his own personal sun, radiating a fire that melts the ice in her chest in seconds, that fills the empty hollow in her stomach with light.

     A hand comes up to hesitantly caress the back of her neck, and it sends shivers down her spine, makes her go even more lax against him. She turns her head so that her cheek squishes against his chest and relishes in the lub-dub, lub-dub echoing in her ear.

     "Okay?" He asks, and his voice sounds even deeper like this, vibrating through her.

     Eun Yoo doesn't move, can't bring herself to leave the heat of his skin behind, knowing that all will replace it is frigid air. He drags a big palm down her back until he gets to the dip, in which he applies just enough pressure to be a comforting weight, wrapping around her waist. His other slowly maneuvers her still-caught hand until their fingers intertwine.

     "I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't mean to scare you..."

     Eun Yoo swallows thickly, thinks that usually, she would probably choose to be indignant over vulnerable. Usually, she would shove away from him with a glare on her face, shouting who says I was scared? Or something or another. She knows that the old her would have done it.

     But...this Eun Yoo can't find it in her to pretend like she wasn't. It would just be humiliating to lie so blatantly when the truth was perfectly evident. Besides, the outcome wasn't too horrible...

     "Just..." She whispers, so small she doesn't even know if he can hear it. "...Don't do it again."

     "Mm," he hums, rocking slowly until they're swaying back and forth. "I won't, promise." And then he squeezes her pinky firmly in his.

     This leisurely back-and-forth motion is familiar to her, settling something in her brain. It both lulls her and makes her heart stumble, like it's doing backflips. She remembers a scene similar to this, not so long ago, and it makes her breath stutter in her chest to feel him in this way once more. Makes her think about things that aren't at all appropriate for this situation, like how wonderful it would feel to be that close to him again, even at just a surface level. Eun Yoo wonders if it would feel familiar, or if her body would be unable to register it at all. If even his warmth could not melt the ice perpetually blanketing her skin.

     Reluctantly, Eun Yoo forces herself to pull away. It's just as despairingly cold as she thought it would be, the separation, and she immediately regrets it. Still, she knows she has to get a hold of herself. She can't be having such thoughts around Hyun-su anymore; doesn't know if she can even handle the idea of them, of having him once more. Doesn't know if that's even something he would want, with how much she's changed.

     When she looks up at him she finds that he's already staring down at her, pupils a little bigger than normal and eyes like the sun.

     She recognizes that look, too, and it makes her tremble just a little to be subjected to it.

    "What?" She asks, swallowing thickly. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

     Hyun-su blinks at her like a concentrated cat; his hand, which she's now realizing has never left her waist, squeezes infinitesimally. "Nothing...just..."

     Eun Yoo furrows her eyebrows, trying to mask how warm her face feels. "Just? Spit it out."

     His lips twitch upwards as his eyes flicker down, then back up again. They're so pretty, his eyes. She's always thinking that, even when it's not a conscious idea in her mind. It's like he has an entire campfire trapped inside, radiating heat and safety. Before she even knows it, she's leaning back into his space. She doesn't really know what she's doing, only that the want to be close to him is more like a need and--

     "Eun Yoo," he says suddenly. "Can I kiss you?"

     And she--

     She was not expecting that. Her own eyes widen and she instinctively freezes in place, gaze snapping up to meet his from wherever it had unconsciously fallen. There's a red glow to his cheeks (healthy, alive), spreading slowly to the tips of his ears the longer she just stares at him.

     Eun Yoo...doesn't know why it's such a shock that he asks. Perhaps it's because she's so different now, can't even play at being the same person she used to be no matter how many emotions return to her. Perhaps it's because, even when the numbness blocked everything else out and the world was nothing but monotone grey, she always felt a little more colorful around him. Like she was worth the effort, whatever motivations he may have. Perhaps it's because all the memories of Hyun-su, as intimate as some of them are, could never measure up to simply existing in his presence.

     Perhaps it's everything at once, and too many of these bright colors are suddenly hitting her full force. Either way, all Eun Yoo knows is that Hyun-su is so close and radiating a heat that rivals a supernova, stars trapping her in place. All she knows is that his eyes are such a deep brown, deep enough to get lost in and then found. All she knows is that his breath is fanning over her cheeks, steadily inching closer with each passing second until their noses nearly brush, until Eun Yoo can't tell which oxygen is hers and which is his.

     All Eun Yoo knows is that Hyun-su is the most beautiful person she's ever met; the boy who sat on dark stairs and made her impossible pinky promises. Promises that he kept, and is still keeping now. Promises that he keeps making her, with every touch and every glance and every unspoken word.

     And she needs him so, so badly.

     The tip of their noses drag together when she nods, small and slow. Hyun-su wastes no time at all and surges forward like a wave, tilting his head right as they collide.

     And it's just as incredible as the first time. Just as warm and sunshine-fueled, heat slipping down her throat to warm her insides. Just as intoxicating the way he sucks softly on her bottom lip until it swells, just as monumentally freeing as the first time she learned to press back, to pull him closer and relish in the way his breath stutters.

     The arm around her waist tightens in a way that she would call almost possessive, if she were more daring (she is). Hyun-su's hand squeezes gently at her hip right as he swipes the slick heat of his tongue along her bottom lip, pulling her closer and using her gasp to slip inside; tangles it with hers until she really can't tell where one of them begins and the other ends, until every brush of his fingers against her bare skin feels overwhelmingly sensitive, her body unused to all these touches without the numbness.

     When they do part, it's reluctantly and with a wet noise that makes her face feel warm. Eun Yoo's eyes flutter open right as Hyun-su raises his free hand to cup her cheek, and she has to fight to keep them that way.

     He looks at her like she hung the stars personally. "I missed you so much."

     Eun Yoo's brain takes a moment to catch up, still swirled stupid from the kiss, from his touch tingling her skin all over. "But...I've been here."

     His lips twitch upwards and he lets out an amused huff through his nose, shaking his head. "Like this," he says, then turns a little bashful. "I've missed...being able to hold you like this and....touch you like this...not that this is the only thing I've been thinking of, but--"

     "Hyun-su," she cuts him off, oddly endeared by the way red spreads across his nose. "I get it. I've..." she suddenly loses courage. "...missed you too."

     He glows, visibly perking up like he's some sort of well-trained dog. "Really? I wasn't sure because...because of everything..."

     Now Eun Yoo's the one going warm in the face. "I have," she admits and tries not to sound like she's choking on the words. "Missed you, I mean. I...thought about you...a lot..."

     She wants to dig herself a hole and sink down into it, preferably in the middle of nowhere where there isn't a chance of anyone ever unearthing her. She really does need to work on evaluating the words before they come out, she's sure it would save her from situations exactly like this one.

     Too caught up in her own embarrassment, Eun Yoo doesn't notice the gleam in Hyun-su's eyes until it's too late.

     "Really?" He tilts his head. "What do you think about?"

     "Cha Hyun-su," she hisses and is horrified to feel the way her face burns hotter. "You're absolutely shameless. I don't know what merging with your monster did to you--"

     "Maybe I'm just more honest now," he says, and steps closer. Eun Yoo's heart jumps at the look he gives her, sunshine turned to fire. "Aren't you the one who encouraged me to tell people how I feel?"

     "You-!" She sputters indignantly and his lips twitch upwards. "I didn't mean like this."

     "If you don't like it, I'll stop," he says. Then, he looks at her very seriously. "Do you not like it?"

     And Eun Yoo-- she can't possibly say just how untrue the thought is out loud. She could never admit to how her heart flutters whenever he talks to her like that, no barriers at all between them, just open vulnerability; baring your heart and soul to someone and trusting that they won't use it against you, won't mock the ugliest parts of you. It's simply too shameless a thought to say how much she adores this teasing side of him.

     "Hm?" He presses, looking at her like he already knows the answer. He gives her waist a little shake, like that'll jar it from her. Eun Yoo swallows thickly.

     "No," she whispers, stomach warm. "I like it."

     Hyun-su's smile is sweet and genuine and just a touch mischievous. When he leans forward again, it's to stop centimeters away from her lips and murmur: "I like it, too." And then he's kissing her stupid once more.

     A breathy moan escapes her as soon as they connect, and that too is embarrassing. But, Hyun-su just pulls her closer and holds her like he likes those embarrassing parts, like he wants her to keep at them, and makes a pleased noise from deep in his chest. It makes her stomach flutter and ache, the hidden strength behind his touch, how he chooses to be gentle in spite of it. Something within her throbs desperately for him like this: kind and warm and merciless all at once.

     How paradoxical he is.

     "Eun Yoo," he murmurs softly against her lips, pillowing his tongue on her bottom lip. "I...want to touch you."

     Eun Yoo sucks in a deep breath through her nose. Her heart trembles in her chest, like it's being roasted over a fire pit.

     "Can I?" He finishes, bumping his nose against hers.

     She expects to be surprised, but it's more surprising that she's not. Despite how new this all feels (even though she knows that it isn't new, that she's done it all before and with him, nonetheless), something about Hyun-su always feels like that: natural, second-nature. Enthusiasm making up for inexperience, instinct making up for all the stumbles. Everything with him always feels like it's supposed to be, like it always would have been.

     (And...maybe in this aspect, she does believe in fate. Just a little.

     Just for him.)

     "You don't have to say yes," he says at her long pause. "We can always stop, if you want to--"

     "No," she says. "I want it...I want you," and it takes so much effort to force those words out, makes her feel like her head is going to explode from how warm it feels.

     He tilts his head softly against hers. "But?"

     "But..." She gnaws on her bottom lip, feeling hotter and hotter with every second spent under his attentive gaze. "I'm...different, now. I don't know...if it'll be the same. I don't feel things like I used to-- physically, I mean."

    Eun Yoo chances a glance upwards and feels her cheeks go impossibly redder at the pure, unadulterated adoration in his gaze.

     "Mm, I understand," he says. "Can I try something?"

     She blinks at him and then nods slowly. He doesn't elaborate at all, just gives her that unbearably gorgeous smile - just a simple curve of his lips shouldn't have her heart doing that - and leans back into her space.

     His lips find hers again with ease, tongue tucking in close along her own and making her so weak in the knees, she quickly forgets all about what he had asked of her. How can she be expected to focus on anything else when he's touching her like that? When even his teeth are achingly gentle, worrying her lower lip until it's all tender and blossoming cherry, until she can't stop the shiver up her spine and the whimper, swallowed by his tongue. When everywhere they touch feels like fire itself scattering across her skin, gardens blooming in her ribcage.

     It isn't until his fingers drag down the entire expanse of her arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake, that she's brought back to the present. They rub across hers slowly and hook into the faded red fabric wrapped around her wrist, tugging until the bow undoes itself and falls into his awaiting hand.

     They separate and Eun Yoo furrows her eyebrows. "What are you doing?"

     Hyun-su's eyes are somehow even darker, moonlight reflecting off his pupils. His breathing is slightly heavier, and it eases something anxious within her to see that he's just as affected by this as she is.

     "Do you trust me?" He asks, voice a low murmur.

     Eun Yoo nods slowly. "Yes," she says unwavering.

     That gorgeous smile, once more. His eyes flicker all over her face, twisting the cloth between his fingers absentmindedly, probably seeing every bit of the redness she wants to hide. Not shaming her for it, or putting it on the spot; always so gentle, even when given the opportunity not to be.

     "Then turn around," he whispers, sending shockwaves through her heart.

     Eun Yoo swallows thickly and nibbles at the kiss-swollen flesh of her lower lip; slowly turns herself to face away from him, feeling his gaze like a brand on her the entire time. She ends up facing the gauzy curtains adorning the window, just barely able to make out the outline of the moon in the sky. Like this, unable to see him aside from a hulking shadow on the wall, everything is so much more amplified. Every one of her senses zeroes in on even the slightest detail: the near soundless rustle of clothing whenever he moves, the heat of his breath, the feeling of it caressing the back of her neck...

     Eun Yoo gasps quietly when his hands come up to her shoulders and pull her into him. Until they're pressed together completely, back flush to chest. Like this, there isn't an inch of space between them and Hyun-su feels especially large: shoulders broad and stature too tall for his own good. She chances a glance at their shadows on the wall and finds that hers is near inseparable from his, like two puzzle pieces slotting together.

     "Okay?" He asks softly, and Eun Yoo shivers at the depth in his voice pressed so close to her ear.

     She nods, thankful for the fact that, if nothing else, facing away makes it so he can't see how flustered she's getting.

     "Good," he whispers, pressing a featherlight kiss to the shell of her ear. The contact shouldn't sing the way it does, especially for something so simple, and yet Eun Yoo feels that small touch down to her very core.

     And then suddenly, the only thing she can focus on is the total loss of vision. One moment she is staring at the play of their shadow selves on the wall, and the next, she is gazing into pitch black darkness, not a hint of moonlight in sight. Eun Yoo blinks in momentary confusion and feels the way her eyelashes flutter over soft fabric.

     She was...Hyun-su had...

     He finishes tying the bow at the back of her skull, pressing down slightly to feel for any tightness. Eun Yoo flushes down to her toes as she realizes that he had...he had...

     He had blindfolded her.

     With her own wristband.

     Her eyes squeeze shut of their own accord even though she can't see anything in the first place and she feels the next inhale he takes with startling clarity. His hands come back down to rest on her shoulders and rub slow circles into them until she presses instinctively into the touch.

     "Comfortable?" He asks, voice once more right by her ear. It's somehow even more than last time; she feels the vibration in his chest like it comes right from her own; registers the low cadence his throat makes in a way that has her own closing up with something that feels a lot like embarrassment, but not quite. She nods again, slightly shaky, and he hums in approval. "Okay..."

     Eun Yoo jumps a little when his fingers graze her temple, playing with the strands of her hair. They've grown long enough to brush her collarbones, and it feels oddly intimate, the way he rubs the pad of his thumb against them.

     "This way...you can feel it," he tells her.

     Eun Yoo doesn't understand what he's talking about at first. It's only when he tucks those strands away from her face, exposing the vulnerable skin of her jugular to his wandering fingers, that she gets it. His lips follow the trail they leave behind, caressing her skin with softness and leaving behind blazing tracks of heat. She shivers all the way down to her toes.

     "Feel that?" He asks, barely a breath but she hears it and feels it against her skin. It's a rhetorical question, surely he can tell the way her heart starts to rabbit. But, he's right. She does feel it. With one of her major senses stripped from her, Eun Yoo is left helpless under the weight of all the others, under the weight of the heat his touch brings to the surface.

     She swallows thickly and his lips shift with the movement, slotting right over her pulse. "Yes," she whispers, cheeks on fire along with her stomach and her hands and everywhere else. Everywhere he touches, everywhere he so much as looks at.

     She feels it like electricity when he smiles against her skin, when he latches onto the flesh and sucks a tight bruise into the surface. It drags a gasp from her, wrenches it from her chest, and he just pulls her in closer.

     "Hyun-su..." She whispers, head falling back to rest on one of his shoulders.

     Another hum, one that travels all the way through her throat down to the very edges of her fingers. Eun Yoo's hand comes to grip the arm wrapped around her waist, squeezing his forearm as he releases the skin trapped between his lips. The air he blows over it feels frigid, the dual sensations making her tremble all over.

     "I'm going to put you on the bed, okay?" He says, his other hand also falling to her waist.

     Eun Yoo has to genuinely catch her breath for a moment before she can respond. She prepares to be guided forward, but instead of that, Hyun-su takes her nod and suddenly spins her around to (presumably) face him, scooping her up like she weighs absolutely nothing. She fights the urge to squeak out something that would surely haunt her for the rest of eternity and clings to his shoulders like a rather feeble alley cat.

     He sets her down gently on the bed; Eun Yoo hears a noise like something thudding to the ground and then he is untying her shoes and pulling off her socks, dropping them on the floor. She gets a sudden sense of deja vu, only last time, she definitely doesn't remember him being so...daring. Cheeky certainly, but never daring.

     The tightness in her stomach and the thud of her heart suggests it's not something she hates. Not something she hates at all.

     "...Do you want me to take off my shirt?" Eun Yoo tentatively asks once he's done.

     He laughs softly, and it's odd being able to hear it but not see it. Instinctively, her head tilts towards the noise. "Eager," he teases, and that she does remember.

     "You-" Eun Yoo sucks on her teeth. "It's been over a year..."

     Another huff of laughter and Eun Yoo feels his hand press against her lower thigh, coaxing her to widen them and allow him to fit in the gap.

     "A year in which I haven't gotten to touch you at all..." He says, almost wistful. "Why wouldn't I want to take my time?"

     "You said that last time, too," she points out as his fingers graze her cheek, reaching behind her for something she can't see.

     "I'll say it every time," Hyun-su says back with a noise like his fist is punching into soft fabric.

     Eun Yoo's inhales deeply and tries to calm the racing in her heart at the implication that there would be another time, and a time after that. She fails spectacularly and nearly jumps out of her skin when Hyun-su's lips press against hers.

     "Lay down," he whispers against them, pecking her once and soothing the still-swollen skin of her bottom lip with his tongue.

     Eun Yoo follows his command and finds herself laid down against a bed that is much more comfortable than the last one this kind of action took place on. There's just enough pillows to prop her head up without straining her neck, and the bedding doesn't feel like it's made of plastic; a considerable upgrade.

     All thoughts of bedding leave her mind when Hyun-su presses her down into the blankets, caging her in between his strong arms. When Eun Yoo instinctively latches onto his shoulders, she finds that they are completely bare; he must have discarded his shirt at some point, and it leaves her with unobstructed opportunity to feel his skin.

     He sucks on the curve of her jaw and nips at it until it must go red enough to require soothing, drags his tongue down the full expanse of her throat like he's got all the time in the world. It makes warmth pool in her belly at an exponential rate, how he touches her: like he both owns her and loves her all the same. She can no longer fight the urge to squeeze her thighs together when he connects their lips once more, but all she succeeds in doing is pressing closer to him.

     He hums against her. "Need something?"

     She hits him in the shoulder, lighter than she intends, still unable to ever bring him any real harm. "You're too much..." She mumbles. "Stop teasing me, it hurts my feelings."

     "Does it?" He asks, tone somehow now _more_ so. "But...you told me you like it." And then he leans forward, pressing more of his weight down on her, and slots their hips together.

     Eun Yoo can't stop the gasp that escapes her at the feeling of him, solid and just as scorching as he was in her memories, pressing against her through the fabric of their clothing. A flood of sudden wetness leaves her, core aching.

     "You're acting like you like it," he whispers, grinding forward slowly in a way that sends sparks through her, that has her squeezing her eyes shut under the blindfold and whimpering.

     "Hyun-su," she hiccups-- actually _hiccups_. "Hyun-su, please."

     He falters against her and for a moment it is completely silent before his forehead is suddenly knocking against hers with a nearly inaudible curse.

      "Yeah," he breathes. "I have you."

     Eun Yoo's breathing gradually slows from the heavy pant it had begun to descend into. Hyun-su stays like that, hovering over her, pressed intimately together yet not moving at all until eventually her breathing matches his own. One of his hands comes down to rub at her hip.

     "You want to take these off?" He asks, and Eun Yoo is nodding before he even fully finishes the question. He frees her of them in record time, leaving her in only a loose shirt and panties that are surely soaked through completely, if the way they cling uncomfortably to her skin is any indicator.

     He doesn't press their hips back together and she's slightly grateful for it. That had shocked her so badly, both from the suddenness and the feel of it, she had nearly lost her senses completely: like electricity itself was coursing through her veins.

     Hyun-su's hands creep under the confines of her shirt and she raises perhaps a little too eagerly upwards to yank it off. He huffs out a laugh when the fabric gets tangled in her hair, reaching up to gently extricate her from it.

     When she lays back down, Eun Yoo becomes painfully aware of her lack of sight. Without Hyun-su touching her, she has nothing else to focus on aside from the unbearable heat in her stomach, between her legs, everywhere. She's thankful for whoever found a bunch of bras on their last supply run, as it's one of the only things preserving the little modesty she has left. She can't tell what Hyun-su's doing at all; in fact, every instinct she has - each absurdly attuned to every action he takes - is screaming that the only thing he is doing...is staring at her.

     She remembers this from last time, too: how shameless he was with his undivided attention. Hyun-su doesn't seem to have a problem with nudity like most people, and usually she wouldn't care about it if it weren't for the fact that he just...looks.

     And Eun Yoo doesn't need her sight to know it, either. She feels that familiar sunshine prickle everywhere his gaze falls, and it falls everywhere.

     "Are you done," she grumbles, fighting the urge to cross her arms over her chest. It's ludicrous; she's been naked in front of him before, she knows she's attractive and he likes her body. Yet still, she manages to find it in herself to be shy all the same.

     "Almost," he says genuinely. Eun Yoo's eye twitches underneath the cloth.

     "It was rhetorical..."

     "I know," he huffs. Then, he's invading her space once more, stamping spit-sticky kisses down from her lips, to her chin, to her neck, to her chest. He stops when he gets to the obstruction of her bra and presses his forehead right against her breasts. It makes her entire face flush beet red, how casually he does it, as if they've done that a million times. "You're just so beautiful."

     Absurdly, Eun Yoo feels her lips fight to twitch upwards. Hyun-su must see it because he rises for a moment to press a kiss against the pout she forces them into. "So pretty."

     And then he goes right back down to his original goal. His hands snake underneath her, toying with the clasp on her bra for a moment before seemingly figuring out how it works and unhooking it. The fabric becomes much less restricting and much more revealing all at once; Hyun-su leaves kisses against every inch of skin revealed as he drags it all the way off.

     It's in that moment that Hyun-su does something she doesn't expect at all. Maybe it's simply because she can't see, or maybe she just never imagined anyone caring to pay attention to that part of her: he sucks gently on the plush fullness of her breast and then latches onto a nipple.

     She flinches, startled by both the suddenness of the action and the way sparks zip through her. A breathy cry of his name leaves her, and she is suddenly painfully aware of the fact that other people live on this floor, and the lack of a lock on his door.

     "Hyun-su-- ah," she squeezes her eyes shut at a particularly hard suck. It affects her more than should be possible, and if she thought there was a mess between her legs before, it's nothing compared to now. Not with him gently thumbing the other one, rolling the sensitive bud in circles until her thighs instinctively tighten around him. "The door, Hyun-su."

     He lets go with a quiet pop that burns her ears. "Nobody ever comes in here," he says. "Especially not when I'm here. We'll be fine."

     She knows he's scheming, because he doesn't stop caressing her other breast even as the other one is freed. She can't possibly be expected to focus with him touching her like that, right? He's doing it to get all thoughts of arguing out of her head, and the worst part is that it's fully working!

     Hyun-su must take her silence as agreement because then he's switching, swirling the tip of his tongue featherlight around the areola of her other nipple. It sends tingles all the way down to her toes, and she doesn't even register her hands moving until they're tangled in his hair. He hums against her, a sound like approval, and that too vibrates all the way through her chest, settling right in the rapid flutter of her heart.

    And then his hips slot right back against hers, the hard fullness pressing right up against where she's most sensitive. Even through their clothing she feels the heat wafting off of him in waves, one of his hands trailing down her thigh to hitch it over his hip. It presses them flush together, makes her head spine when, on the first slow grind, his hardness rocks right up against her clothed clit.

     Eun Yoo's back is arching before she even realizes it, one of her hands leaving his hair to cover her mouth. Maybe it's because she can't see, but even this feels like so much. Like he's pressing against all of her nerve endings, scorching them with his unfathomable heat. The softness of his tongue is a sharp contrast to the solid press of his cock, and already Eun Yoo can feel warmth building with every touch.

     Building up, up, up as every grind of his hips pushes her further into the mattress, squeaking quietly underneath them. Up, up, up as he uses the hand on her thigh to move her with him, rocking her own hips into it until the movement becomes instinctual and she can't help but follow the pattern. Up, up, up, and she thinks to herself, desperately trying to muffle all the noises slipping from her, is she really going to come like this? With just...just his mouth on her skin and his hips against hers? There's no way.

     And yet the tightening of her stomach is unmistakable; Hyun-su's cock slides right over her clit, smooth enough from the slick soaking through her panties but with enough friction that it aches, just a little. The kind of burn that heightens the pleasure until her grip on his hair must be bordering painful, until the coil in her stomach is screaming, screaming, screaming for release and--

     And then he stops.

     Hyun-su's hips still against hers, leaving her to focus only on the sharp ache throbbing between her legs and the rapidly receding heat in her stomach. Despite herself, Eun Yoo can't help but whimper at the loss, instinctively trying to continue the movement on her own.

     He just huffs out a laugh against her skin and pulls away completely.

     "You--" she's indignant, scowling, wishing that the blindfold wasn't there just so she could level him with the full force of the bitter glare on her face. "Asshole!"

     "Sorry," she hears the smile in his voice and it only infuriates her more. "Not yet."

     "Not yet? Yah! You're so cruel nowadays--"

     His lips are on hers before she can finish, kissing the pout from her. The softness of his mouth really shouldn't be allowed, caressing hers until the tension leaves her and she goes pliant on the bedsheets. Her stomach still simmers with an unfulfilled need, but suddenly all the vexation has left her.

     "Want to feel you come on my fingers, okay?" He says, voice too sweet for the words.

     Her ears burn and she smacks blindly at his shoulder, trying to ignore the way her stomach aches at his words. "How can you say stuff like that, huh? You're completely shameless."

     Her little fit only seems to amuse him. "We've already established that," he says and pecks her on the lips once more. Her heart flutters at the grin he presses into her, fingers skirting down her side to tug lightly on the strap of her panties. "Take these off?"

     Flustered both at her body's easy concession to him and the sincere softness in his voice, Eun Yoo nods. She lifts her hips and he pulls them down, throwing them somewhere off to the side. She thinks they're probably ruined, anyway, so it doesn't really matter where they end up.

     Hyun-su does that thing again - absolutely infuriating, this man - where he simply stares and stares and stares until she squirms. Stares until the hot prickle of his gaze becomes too much and she kicks him lightly with her foot.

     "You're doing it again," she grumbles.

     "Mm, I can't help it," he says, pressing his hands flat against her inner thighs and coaxing them open. "You're so--"

     "Beautiful? Yeah, you said that," she tries to mask how nice the words sound, how deeply they affect her, behind false grumpiness; knows shes failed spectacularly when he just hums.

     "At least you're aware," he says and leans down to kiss her again.

     And it's so, so nice, his touch on her skin. Absurdly so, to the point where she thinks that it probably isn't normal. He kisses her and knocks all the thoughts from her head; his fingers caress the silky, sensitive skin of her inner thighs, so close to where she aches for him, and it drives her completely insane. How can someone's touch feel this good? This right? Even blinded, Eun Yoo's senses are full of only him, surrounding her in every way, tempering the burn into something soft and languid, less overwhelming.

     She's really content to lay there and simply kiss him forever, thinks that no matter how often she does it, she'll never grow tired of it. How could she? It's Hyun-su.

     But, then his hand is traveling upwards, fingers creeping towards the slick mess between her legs and teasing the skin around it with featherlight touches. She squirms and he huffs through his nose, soothing the fierce need with his tongue, intertwining with hers.

     "Hyun-su," she whispers when given a gap. "Please, please. Touch me."

     He lets out a sound not unlike a blissful sigh and knocks their foreheads together gently. "Alright, alright. I won't tease you anymore."

     Eun Yoo's heart flutters with anticipation at his words, and, despite her pleas for him, nothing could prepare her for his touch, finally finding where she needs it most.

     His fingers slide easily through the wetness between her legs and if she were a little less desperate, she might be embarrassed by just how soaked she is. His breath fans out across her face in a harsh exhale as he rubs a slow circle over her entrance, the rough calluses on his fingers shooting sparks through her core. Then, he presses down just enough for her to really feel it and drags them upwards towards the vicious ache.

     The grinding of his hips had made her all tender and sensitive, and when Hyun-su finally touches her clit, she can't stop the gasp that escapes her.

     He circles it slowly, his words of no longer teasing her clearly being a lie. He rubs at the space around it and right above it, making her stomach squirm, and takes his sweet, sweet time before he finally presses the pad of his middle finger down over it abruptly.

     Eun Yoo's hips jerk at the suddenness of it all, going from soft sparks to that so quickly, and her back involuntarily arches. "Hyun-su--!"

     "Yes," he murmurs, breath going heavy as their lips brush. "You like it like that, huh?"

     Eun Yoo swallows the whimper building in her throat when he strokes a slow circle, just enough pressure to make her burn; she nods rapidly and presses her hips into it on a silent plea.

     His fingers slip back down to her entrance for a moment to gather more of the slick gushing from her endlessly. When they return, they immediately resume his ministrations and suddenly the glide is almost unbearably smooth, calluses catching just enough to make her tingle, rubbing over the entirety of where she's most sensitive until her legs tremble minutely.

     It starts the heat back up in her stomach in seconds, fluttering like a swarm of butterflies is trapped inside. With each gentle caress to her clit the coil building there tightens and Eun Yoo has to bite her lip to stifle the cries wanting to escape her, until her teeth are replaced with Hyun-su's mouth once more and she can rely on him to quiet her.

     Her ears burn with the noises, infinitesimal slick sounds coming from between her legs the longer he touches her. She wants to hide away, to turn her head to the side so she doesn't have to feel like she's looking right at him, even with the blindfold on her face. It's too embarrassing feeling the way his lips twitch smugly with every wet sound, too all-consuming, his heady taste on her tongue, his warm scent in her nose. It makes the heat in her stomach build higher, and all she can do is flush darkly when she starts to clench up around nothing.

     "Ah," she moans softly when he suddenly switches fingers, letting the rough pad of his thumb rove over her clit in circles that start to quicken exponentially; until he's rubbing at a pace too much to keep up with, that sends the fire in her stomach shrieking with gasoline, spasming around nothing and then--

     And then he slows down all at once. Then he is stroking at her so slowly that it's barely anything at all and she can't stop the soft cry at the loss, release once more stolen from her.

     "You-- you said you wouldn't tease anymore," she whimpers against his lips.

     "You like it when I tease you," he murmurs, and two of his fingers slowly trail down to her entrance as his thumb presses down firmly. He runs them through the slickness and the tip of her nose burns at the noise it makes: soft, wet little clicks. "See?"

     "I-" she stammers, choking on her own gasp when he presses down just enough to imply something. "Hyun-su..."

     He chuckles softly, a rumble that she feels through her chest, and kisses the cherry tip of her nose. "Right here."

     And then he slips his fingers inside. They go in with ease, two forming a pleasant ache. It startles her just a little, enough that she can't catch herself in time to stop the way she squeezes around him, more wetness flooding from her. He twists them slowly, like he's making sure she feels every minute movement, and then starts to rub all along her walls.

     Eun Yoo's calf instinctively jerks, thumping against his side. Then, she feels Hyun-su's free hand running over it, massaging the muscle until the little involuntary tremors die down and stopping what was probably an impending cramp. It makes her heart squeeze in time with the fluttery pulses around his fingers, churning with boundless affection for this man; even in moments like this, he's always so attentive.

     And it's like he just knows exactly where to press to drive her out of her mind. In moments, the pads of his fingers slip over a spot that makes her dizzy, that has her head lulling against the pillow and a too loud gasp falling from her lips. She bites at them, trying to hold it all back as the ache in her stomach worsens and grows unbearably tight.

     "Hyun-su..." She whimpers. "I think-- I might--"

     "You can," he says. "I won't stop this time."

     And then his thumb is resuming the motion on her clit, a little bit faster but slow enough that it coaxes her towards that peak, rather than shoves her. It's like being held over an open flame; the careful pressure of his fingers massaging that point inside of her, the tender throb in her clit as his calluses catch. His breath suddenly fans over her lips once more as he leans back into her space, and a part of her longs to see him, to witness whatever expression he's making right now, the desire in his eyes. Greed has always looked beautiful on him.

     "Come on," he whispers softly. "Go ahead."

     Her body responds to his encouragement like it's a command, and the heat in her stomach suddenly expands to an unbearable ache; she goes rapidly tight around his fingers and his lips trail down her jaw to whisper soft words of praise into her ear; she breaks.

     Hyun-su's mouth is back on hers in seconds, swallowing the cry she can't contain as the coil in her stomach swiftly unwinds itself, heat shooting through her in an endless current, washing over her like a wave. It makes her loopy, the force of it, and Eun Yoo thinks maybe she genuinely might have passed out if it weren't for Hyun-su's touch grounding her, tempering the heat and prolonging it all the same.

     When she finally comes down, Hyun-su slowly parts their lips, pressing lingering kisses all over her face that make her stomach flutter in a way that has nothing to do with lust. He tucks his face into her throat like he was the one who just had a mind-shattering orgasm and breathes her in, squeezing her hip with his free hand.

     It's...oddly nice. His breath washes over her neck and sends little shivers down her spine. His fingers are still tucked away inside of her, rubbing carefully at her walls every time an aftershock runs through her; it makes her toes curl how easily he undoes her. Like he knows her body even better than she does.

     Eventually he does pull away, extricating his fingers and finally giving her tender clit some relief. His lips press against the corner of her mouth.

     "Okay?" He asks softly.

     Eun Yoo inhales a shuddering breath and nods. Part of her wants to say something snarky, but the majority of her feels too boneless in his arms, like her limbs have been turned entirely to jelly, and the smile he leaves against her skin warms her to the core.

     "Is it too much?" He rubs a circle into her trembling thigh until it soothes. "Do you want to stop?"

     No! she nearly shouts. It's comical the amount of alarm that one sentence sends through her body. God, she never wants to stop. Thinks that even if every one of her nerve endings suddenly fried, she would still be more than receptive to his touch; would still crave it. But of course, she can't say that out loud. Unlike him she does have some amount of shame.

     So, she manages to temper the panic down into a shake of her head that's just a little too frantic.

     "Okay," he laughs out. "Do you want a break, then?"

     "No," Eun Yoo breathes, reaching up blindly and finding the overwhelmingly warm muscle of his bicep. It flexes underneath her touch and she fights the urge to squeeze. "Want to feel you."

     His clean hand lays atop hers, completely engulfing and gently hugging her fingers. "Alright," he says.

     And then there's a soft sucking noise, and Eun Yoo's eyebrows furrow underneath the blindfold. What...?

     She flushes red hot, sudden realization flowing through her. There's no way. "Did you just..."

     The pop of his fingers leaving his mouth tells her everything she needs to know. She doesn't know why she's surprised at this point, clearly Hyun-su is immune to things like embarrassment.

     His fingers, now slick with only saliva, teasingly pat her thigh. "Hm? What else should I have done?"

     "You just don't feel shame, do you?" She grumbles to herself and relishes in the way his laughter vibrates through her.

     "Mm, not for you. What's there to be ashamed of? Everything about you is lovely," he lowers himself until the heat of his bare stomach brushes over hers. She fights the urge to arch up into it and close the distance. "Especially like this."

     "Less talking," she demands, grabbing at where she assumes the back of his neck is - success - and yanking him down so she can muffle his words with her mouth.

     He huffs out a harsh breath of delight against her and responds with enthusiasm, hands coming up on either side of her head and preventing him from falling down on her. The security of being held between his arms makes the flutter start up again in her stomach, warmth building a steady ache between her legs. Is it odd that she's slightly disappointed he doesn't just lay on top of her? Probably.

     As Hyun-su tangles their tongues, Eun Yoo brings a leg up to hook around his waist. She expects to be met with the rough fabric of his pants, but instead finds only an endless expanse of soft, burning skin.

     Oh.

     Her stomach swoops. That means that right now...Hyun-su is entirely naked.

     She suddenly wishes desperately that she could see, and contemplates ripping the blindfold off to admire the sight she knows would greet her. But...Hyun-su wants her to keep it on, evident in the fact that he hasn't removed it. He told her he wanted her to just feel.

     And Eun Yoo does feel. Feels like every one of her nerve endings is exposed to his touch. Part of her wonders if that's even just the blindfold's doing, and she thinks most likely not. Either way, the lack of sight amplifies everything to levels she didn't know possible, and the simple truth of it is that...

     Eun Yoo wants to listen to him.

     He doesn't command her, always makes her fully aware that she has all the say. But...Eun Yoo thinks she wouldn't mind if he did boss her around a bit: if he gave her less of a choice. Thinks that she would probably really, really like it, and that's definitely not something she wants to look too deep into right now. Not with him thrusting his tongue shallowly against hers in an imitation of what she wants so badly.

     "Hyun-su," she murmurs, demanding. She tugs lightly on his shoulder and uses her leg to pull him down slightly, until her breasts squish up against his chest. "Come on."

     "You want something?" He asks, purposefully clueless. Purposefully keeping his hips away from hers and the fact that she can feel the heat of him, can almost feel the shape of him but not quite, drives her insane.

     "Want you to stop being so stubborn," she snarks.

     He laughs. "Alright, alright. Hold on, some of the soldiers found these while they were out."

     He seems to forget that she can't see for a moment, and all she hears is the crinkling of some kind of plastic. Then, a ripping noise.

     "What is it?" She asks, head instinctively tipping in the direction of the sound.

     "A condom," he says, and that is what finally makes his voice waver with embarrassment. Not anything else that he's done or said, but the simple act of stating that he's opening a condom.

     This idiot...

     It's only then that Eun Yoo registers his words, and a sudden flare of something a lot like disappointment fills her. And isn't that insane, and humiliating. Her gut twists as she remembers the last time they did this, how it had felt to take him without any barriers separating them and how when he had spilled...

      She flushes hotly. "Oh..."

     The sound of plastic opening stops. "Do you...not want it?"

     Eun Yoo inhales a deep, shuddery breath and prepares herself to be haunted by this moment for months, possibly years. "I- I want it," she says. "I already told you. But...I liked it last time...being able to..."

     Her voice dies before she can get the rest of it out. Hyun-su doesn't seem to get the memo, or maybe he does and is just teasing her again.

      He sounds completely genuine as he asks: "Being able to what?"

      Eun Yoo screams internally. Why is he suddenly oblivious? What, whenever she doesn't want him to read her, he sees right through her, but whenever she needs him to finish the thought for her, he loses the ability?!

     She gathers her courage and squeezes her eyes shut like she's about to be hit. "I liked feeling you without it."

      Hyun-su goes dead silent, frighteningly so. It's like cotton filling her ears, the shame of having said something like that out loud, to his face nonetheless. She's suddenly very grateful she can't see him, and is about to take it all back and say it doesn't matter, when the sound of plastic falling to the floor somewhere across the room stops her.

     "Alright," he murmurs, voice distinctly huskier than it had been moments before. "I won't use it."

    And then, before she can sort out the scramble in her brain, he settles back between her legs and hitches them both around his hips, squeezing her thighs.

     "Hold on here, okay?" He whispers, suddenly much closer to her ear, close enough to make her jump a little and the heat to immediately pool back in her stomach. She nods and he makes a satisfied noise. "Good."

     The praise makes her want to squirm, to press her thighs together, but the heat of him separating them prevents her from it. All she does is tighten her hold on him, and he huffs out a smug sounding laugh against her jaw.

     "You like that?"

     Eun Yoo sees an image of blue eyes in her mind and shivers, half convinced it's what she would find if she removed the blindfold.

     It must be an answer in and of itself, because she feels his grin pressing into her neck as he kisses her there. "Adorable."

    "Hush," it comes out as more of a plea.

     Hyun-su hums. "Am I hurting your feelings again?"

     "Yes," she blatantly lies, fighting the urge to smile at his laughter. His joy is such a beautiful thing; even in her embarrassment, she can't help but relish in every scrap.

     "Mm, I'm sorry," he leaves a sloppy kiss on her pulse point in apology. "I'll make it up to you."

     And then--

     And then Eun Yoo is subjected to the full force of his heat. The bare skin of his cock slots right between her legs, dragging against her inner thighs before sliding between her folds.

     She whimpers, startled enough that her legs flinch and her fingers curl in the sheets. He rocks slowly, the slick head catching on her entrance and forcing uncontrollable shivers through her entire body. It's just as scorching as it is in her memories, like he's got an active volcano sitting in his chest, and when it bumps up against her clit, Eun Yoo can't help the way she hides her face in his shoulder.

     He makes an endeared noise and rubs the back of her neck. "Too much, baby?"

     The pet name nearly makes her vibrate out of her own skin. She shakes her head no, and nudges her hips forward in a silent plea.

     Hyun-su suddenly grabs both of her hands and brings them to his biceps. "Hold here, yeah?"

    She nods, still tucked away in the crook of his shoulder, and finally succumbs to the urge to give the firm muscles underneath her fingers an appreciative squeeze.

     And then, at a pace that is achingly gentle, Hyun-su presses forward. Just like the last time, his cock slides through effortlessly, the endless flow of slick creating a smooth glide that eases any potential discomfort. Until all that's left is a pleasurable burn that makes her want to clench up around him until she can't anymore.

     Hyun-su's groan when he bottoms out is deep and filthier than she imagined he could produce. He mutters a soft curse and tightens the grip on her thighs, unflinching even as her fingernails dig into his skin from the seemingly boundless pressure.

     She's immediately grateful they didn't use the condom. Like this, Hyun-su is so deep and warm and big. She can feel every inch of contact between them: the way he throbs, the occasional twitches against her walls as he tries not to move. It's unbearable how good he feels, how perfectly he fits inside of her, like they were made for it. For each other.

     It's such a sappy thought that she wants to cringe away. She can't, though. Not with him holding her so close to his chest, like a puzzle piece slotting into place. Not with how hooked she already is to the way his hot breath fans across her shoulder, damp with desire.

     And it's-- it's so much already. Even without moving at all, Hyun-su already feels unfathomably perfect inside of her, like there's no other place he should be. She thinks it would be horribly easy to grow addicted to the feeling of him, how she might already be.

     And then Hyun-su tentatively rolls his hips, and every coherent idea is knocked from her brain.

     It's...slick.So slick. She's so soaked that the glide of his cock makes an embarrassingly wet noise. They'll probably have to throw the sheets out from how drenched she is, and that's the last thought she gets before her world explodes in color.

      The head of his cock drags just shy of her sweet spot on every thrust, making it impossible to fight the urge to clench around him. And it feels unimaginably good to do so, every tight squeeze around him like a drug, inviting fire into her stomach. Hyun-su curses into her hair, tightening his grip on her and rocking a little bit faster.

     The pace is still unbearably slow, like he's trying to make sure she feels every inch of his cock dragging in and out of her. She whimpers and buries her face deeper into his shoulder, fingers flexing uncontrollably on his arms.

     On the next thrust in, Hyun-su's hips shift and suddenly his cock is pushing right up against that spot. Sparks dance behind her eyelids and she bites softly into his shoulder to stop the shriek building up in her throat, flinching when his hips grind in a tight, mean circle.

     "Found it," he murmurs, almost to himself. "You get so tight when I touch you here."

      Eun Yoo lets out a muffled cry, the words settling in her stomach like lighting and making her ache. She really does think she'll come embarrassingly fast if he keeps talking to her like that; doesn't think she'd even need anything on her clit, just his deep voice and filthy words, the heavy drag of his cock turning her inside out.

     "Please, please, please," she mouths against his shoulder, swallowing a sob when he pulls out and then punches back in. Hard, deep, and slow enough that she stays completely in the moment. Completely, excruciatingly aware of every place they touch, how easily he sinks inside.

     The moan Hyun-su lets out when she squeezes around him makes her stomach squirm, little huffs of pleasure fanning across her shoulder. His lips are damp with saliva when he pulls her hair back to scatter kisses across her neck, pace still so agonizingly gentle.

     "Like that," he breathes against her skin. "Just keep doing that."

     She does: squeezes helplessly around him until her thighs shake, crying out soft, broken echoes of his name until her own voice sounds horribly foreign to her ears. Hyun-su seems to appreciate it, cock twitching against her walls and pressing that much harder against her sweet spot on every thrust in, like he's rewarding her and that does something very funny to her stomach.

     She doesn't expect his fingers to slide between them and find her clit: flinches when they make contact, agonizingly sensitive to every touch. He traps the little nub between two fingers, so that every time her body rocks, sparks fly through her.

     The heat building inside of her is more overwhelming than anything she's ever felt in her life. The noises swell in her throat to the point where she once more has to clamp her teeth down on his shoulder to keep from screaming, and it's like Hyun-su knows exactly how every word he says affects her because he just won't shut up.

     "I fit so well," he murmurs, voice paradoxically adoring. "You just take me all in, huh?"

     Eun Yoo squeezes her eyes shut, feels them start to burn behind the blindfold. She's so overwhelmed, torn between covering his mouth and arching her back; it's like everything's been dialed up to a hundred, a thousand. She both can't get enough of his touch and thinks that it's too much, that it might shatter her all the way.

     On the next thrust, Eun Yoo just can't hold herself up anymore: she falls back into the pillows with a feeble cry and Hyun-su follows her down, labored breath coating her throat and collarbones, burning her up entirely. He speeds up just a little, enough that the flame in her stomach shoots towards the sky, and now his fingers are properly stroking across her clit in gentle circles, and the cotton between her ears is muffling everything but the sound of his pleasure, endless words of endearment falling from his lips. He lets go of one of her thighs so that he can wind an arm around her waist, lifting her half off the bed entirely.

     And it's just-- it's just too much. Maybe it's because she can't see, or maybe it's because she only recently gained back the ability to feel anything at all. Maybe it's neither, and this is just what Hyun-su does to her. Either way the burning behind her eyes grows and grows and grows until eventually, the next time his cock grinds viciously against her sweet spot, she can't stop the tears that follow.

     "Hyun-su," she whimpers, squeezing his biceps. "Please, please, I'm going to come."

     "Shh," he hushes her gently, fingers stroking the he side of her face. "I know, come on."

     And then the bow securing the blindfold in place is being undone and suddenly she can see. The shapes and colors filter in rapidly, forcing her to blink, and when she finally manages to focus through blurry vision, she sees Hyun-su.

     There's a wildness to his eyes that she's only seen in blue, pupils blown so wide that she can't make out a hint of brown. Sweat lines his brow and slides down the tip of his nose to drop onto her collarbone as his gaze flickers all over her face, from her eyes to her lips and everywhere in between. He's so gorgeous, so unbelievably beautiful even drowning in greed, and the sight of him staring at her with such devotion has her feeling everything in full force: the relief that had hit her, seeing the unharmed skin of his abdomen, the desperate need to touch him, to be close in any possible way; how blissful it had felt to be kissed by him, to hear him say I missed you while holding her so tightly.

     Her stomach burns and more tears fall down her cheeks; he ducks and kisses them all away, capturing her lips in his and sucking until they swell.

     "That's it," he breathes, cupping her jaw to stabilize her. "There you go; just feel me."

     She whimpers, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulling him as close as she can, so that they're pressed chest to chest and all she can feel is his heat.

     "Close?" She asks quietly.

     "Yeah," he murmurs.

     Eun Yoo shivers and holds him tighter. "Inside," she whispers. "I...want it..."

     Hyun-su curses and presses their foreheads together, the arm around her waist tightening like he's trying to squeeze the life out of her. And she feels the way he swells impossibly bigger, twitching against her walls and pushing her closer to the knife's edge of release, every thrust dragging against her sweet spot, nerves on fire and--

     And then his fingers pinch ever so lightly around her clit, and it's enough to shove her the rest of the way. A flood of wetness leaves her, soaking the space where they're connected and the sheets underneath as she spasms uncontrollably. Eun Yoo has to tuck her face underneath his neck to stop the shout in her throat, entire body shaking in his arms as the fire burns her apart from the inside out.

     And Hyun-su holds her through it, caught in his secure embrace, held tight enough to his chest that she can feel the way his heart pounds. His hips stutter against hers, grinding the head of his cock directly where she's most sensitive and making her choke on her own tongue, release prolonged by the way he pushes into her in short, punching thrusts until he reaches his peak and goes still.

     Eun Yoo turns scarlet at the flood of wetness she feels spilling inside of her, just as scorching as it was the last time. Hyun-su holds her like he's afraid she'll disappear if he lets go, squishing her in his arms and it's the best thing she's ever felt, being held this tightly. The hand on her hip is bruising, and she hopes it leaves a mark.

      She shivers as she tries to regulate her breathing, clinging onto the strong line of his shoulders like a lifeline. Hyun-su's labored breathing fans across her forehead, his eyes closed and face lax with lingering bliss. 

     "Don't," she whispers when he catches his breath enough to pull out. Hyun-su tips his head down at her curiously, and she finally lets go of all shame as she says: "Stay, please."

     And he shudders against her, closing his eyes and dropping his face down to press against her shoulder with a groan; she feels his cock twitch.

     "Not like that!" She hisses, shame returning.

     His shoulders shake. "I can't help it," he says. "How else am I supposed to react?"

     With some kind of refractory period! She screams internally, shivering when he runs a hand down her side. "You--"

     "I'm not, I'm not," he reassures. "It's just...you're shaking."

     And Eun Yoo is shaking, she realizes: uncontrollable tremors running up and down her spine. He massages her waist gently until they begin to recede and it makes her heart twist, how sweet he is. How gently he touches her even in the heat of passion.

     "Are you okay?" He asks softly.

     Eun Yoo glances down and finds him gazing up at her, cheek pillowed on her shoulder and sunshine eyes deep, deep brown; so pretty.

     "Yeah," she whispers, admiring the way they shine with warmth. "I'm perfect."

     "Yeah," he parrots. "You are."

     Eun Yoo reddens. "Aish, stop being so charming for two minutes, okay? I need time to recover."

     He laughs brightly, propping himself up on one hand to press a clumsy kiss against her nose. "I don't think I can."

     "Is this just who you are now?" She raises her eyebrows and narrows her eyes. "Cha Hyun-su, the great panty dropper?"

     And Hyun-su laughs so hard he has to press his face back down into her shoulder, shaking the entire bed with the force of it. The sound brings indescribable joy to Eun Yoo's chest, like she too has a sun in place of a heart. She can't stop the smile spreading across her lips, nor would she want to: if it meant Hyun-su would always be this happy, she would do anything.

     Once he finally collects himself, Hyun-su yawns, and it's then that Eun Yoo remembers that he did, in fact, suffer from a major injury and that healing such a thing must have taken an unbelievable amount of energy. She suddenly feels a little bit bad for...exhausting him further, then remembers that he was the one who started it in the first place.

      "Why didn't you say you were tired?" she grumbles. "I would have let you sleep..."

     "Exactly," he says through another one. "Why would I want sleep when you're right here?"

     "I said stop it," she says, feeling him press a tired smile into her shoulder.

     "Mm, I'm working on it," he sighs out.

     "Why don't you work on getting some sleep?" She says.

    "Mkay, if you stay."

    Like I was planning on leaving anyway, Eun Yoo thinks, flushing. Instead of saying it out loud she just scoffs and flicks one of his ears. "Fine, I guess I can."

     Hyun-su hums, visibly seeing right through her. The arm around her waist tightens so that he can roll them over until her back is squished up against his chest. His cock stays buried inside of her even as he pulls the blankets up over them.

     "Thank you for your sacrifice," he mumbles, already sounding half asleep. "I'll make sure to repay you later."

     "Oh yeah?" Eun Yoo asks. "How are you going to do that?"

     Hyun-su just mutters something incomprehensible as his breathing evens out, fanning warmth across her neck.

     Eun Yoo smiles to herself, endlessly endeared, and tentatively creeps a hand towards the arm wrapped around her, laying it over his. Even in his sleep, Hyun-su seems to recognize her touch, fingers threading through hers.

     And she feels like crying again, just a little bit. Feels the burn as a bright thing stinging the backs of her eyelids. Out of every person to be held by, out of every person to be cherished and adored by...she's being held by him. Eun Yoo's head thumps down into the pillow and she scooches deeper into his embrace, as deep as she possibly can, cradled in his infinite warmth and incandescent sunshine.

     Cha Hyun-su she thinks as her consciousness starts to fade. I think I'm in love with you.

     Eun Yoo wakes eternally grateful for the fact that Hyun-su had covered them with a blanket before passing out.

     When the door to his room bursts open like an explosion, they both startle violently. Eun Yoo, eyes bleary with sleep, jerks her head upwards.

     "Rise and shine, loser!" Ha-ni shrieks. "Sergeant Grumpy wants you to--"

     She stops dead in her tracks, met with Eun Yoo's very visibly vexed glare, too tired to feel any embarrassment at the fact that the flimsy cover is the only thing shielding her modesty.

     "Eh? What are you doing here-?"

     Hyun-su's head rises from behind her, eyes narrowed sleepily. "What?"

     The way Ha-ni's mouth drops open would be absolutely hilarious in any other situation. Eun Yoo can see all the way to her uvula, and her tongue is practically hanging right out of her mouth.

     But this is not any other situation, and Eun Yoo is a horrible morning person.

     She narrows her eyes viciously at her. "Get out."

     "Yes, absolutely, you're so right--!" Ha-ni stammers, stumbling backwards like she's staring a starving lion in the face. "Don't mind me, I didn't mean to-- I'm going to--"

      And then she slams the door shut violently. Eun Yoo hears her voice, muffled from the hallway, laughing nervously.

     "Oh no-- no um, he's still resting! Yes, he's still resting." Then, panic. "You definitely don't need to do that! I'm like, really actually very sure you shouldn't. Yes, let's go this way, the big boss wants to see us--"

     And then the noise disappears.

     Eun Yoo feels Hyun-su's head drop back down onto her shoulder with an anguished groan.

     "...I thought you said nobody ever comes in here," Eun Yoo forces out, squeezing her eyes shut.

     "Yeah..." He mumbles. "I didn't think about her."

     Eun Yoo lets out a great, heaving sigh and resigns herself to the multitude of questions she will undoubtedly receive later. Right now, Hyun-su's arms are too comfortable and his body much too warm for her to care.

     I'll deal with it later she thinks, closing her eyes and tucking herself back into his chest.

     Much later.