Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

23rd of October, 2014

4:56pm
hey...souda? you still coming over? you were meant to be here two hours ago...and uh...i'm kind of worried about you

4:57pm
Ah, I apologise for any inconveniences this may have caused you, but I think you may have the wrong number! :)

4:59pm
oh! shoot, i'm really sorry about that, i guessed i must've typed it in wrong or something...

5:00pm
Of course, no harm done. :)
New phone, I take it?

5:03pm
uhh...i guess so, maybe?
i'm not sure if about a week is considered 'new' or not...
i mean, i consider it new.

5:05pm
Hmm, I suppose a week sounds fairly new...
...Although don't take my word on it! I have been known to be wrong, haha!

5:06pm
yeah, that's what i thought
but...i don't know...

5:08pm
Is there...any particular reason you think it isn't up to new standard?

5:10pm
oh, uh, no
just something a friend said
but he doesn't even know what comes after the letter 'O'...

5:11pm
Ah, I thought all kindergartens taught little kids that...
Aha, I apologise, that was an incredibly biased opinion.
The only kindergarten I know of was my own, you see.

5:14pm
no you're right, most do
well uh...most should, at least

5:14pm
I agree! The alphabet is a very important tool in life.

5:15pm
yeah...yeah, i guess it is
but now thinking about it, i don't even think he went to kindergarten...

5:16pm
Ah? Well then, that would explain a lot, haha!
Come to think of it, I know a few people myself who didn't go...

5:17pm
i guess it's not really as common as people think.

5:20pm
Hmm...I don't think that's it, I think it may be because many parents can't be bothered...with good reason, I suppose!

5:23pm
...you know, that sounds pretty accurate, you're probably right.
that's probably why i didn't go to kindergarten for a while, either...

5:25pm
Oh, why thank you!
Not many people believe I'm right about things, haha...
This is a interesting change!

5:27pm
i...uh...
i'm not really sure what you mean??

5:28pm
Ah! I apologise, that was my mistake.
What I meant to say was that many people believe me to be a constant liar, haha!
Although I don't mind! I can understand why they would prefer not to hear the truth; sometimes it can be quite painful.

5:32pm
that...sounds kind of rough, actually
and really...unfair.

5:33pm
Oh! No, it's not too bad at all!
Many of the things I say aren't very notable anyway; I've been known to 'ramble aimlessly' occasionally...haha...

5:34pm
well...i thought your opinions on kindergarten were pretty noteworthy
so there you go.

5:35pm
Ah, you did?
Well, thank you for that. 
I hoped that might've been the case!

5:38pm
uh...you're welcome, i guess?
but hey, i don't really think that's true, about the whole 'liar' thing...
i mean, there's bound to be someone who believes you.

5:41pm
Oh, yes, of course there is!
I didn't think you would take me so seriously, haha!
My two best friends know me incredibly well, so they can always tell if I'm telling the truth.

5:43pm
well then, there you go
that's great!
i guess i have a few best friends of my own, similar to yours, too...
they're all uh...very...different, to say the least.

5:46pm
Hahaha, I know exactly what you mean!
My two friends feel like almost opposites!
Makoto is very outgoing, whilst Mikan is incredibly shy. It's really quite cute sometimes, haha.

5:48pm
oh, whoaa! they sound like great people
and uh...i can't say i know you very well, or...at all, really, but i'm guessing your personality would fit somewhere between theirs?

5:50pm
What excellent deduction skills you have, anonymous-kun!
Even though you were very far off, I still admire your thought!

5:52pm
oh
damn
i don't get a participation award, do i??

5:54pm
I am afraid I have nothing to offer, haha.
It was a good guess, though!
Very well played, good job!

5:55pm
...
...
why do i get the feeling that this suddenly became my pity party...

5:57pm
Hmm...I seem to have forgotten the cake, oh dear.

5:58pm
oh no! what is a party without cake?!
isn't a cake why people come to parties?!
i've been deceived!

6:00pm
Oh, woe is me!
My life is a misery!

6:02pm
oh! can't you see?

6:03pm
That I'm at the start of a pretty big downer!

6:04pm
janet!

6:04pm
Doctor Scott!

6:05pm
janet!

6:05pm
Brad!

6:05pm
rocky!

6:06pm
Grrr...

6:07pm
janet!

6:07pm
Doctor Scott!

6:08pm
janet!

6:09pm
Brad!

6:09pm
rocky!

6:10pm
Grrr...
...
Did you end up finding your friend?

6:11pm

...huh?
that's uh...
i don't think that's in rocky horror...

6:13pm
Oh! Hahaha, of course it isn't, silly.
I was asking about your friend...'Souda', was it?

6:15pm
oh, uh, yeah, he's safe
i...think he's trying to date this one girl he's been obsessing over for weeks
it's not really a shock he didn't show up.

6:17pm
Hahaha, I see...I hope it goes well for him, then?

6:18pm
well...if i know souda, i reaaaally hope it doesn't go well
like, at all

6:20pm
Ah, well, your judgement is probably the best, haha.
He is a friend of yours, after all...

6:21pm
yeah...that's true...
the poor guy just doesn't realise she's really not into him, not in that way at least
and he can't exactly be...easily persuaded...

6:24pm
Ah, I see...it is one of...'those'...situations.

6:26pm
yeah...i guess it is
he's completely crazy about her and everything

6:27pm
Well, they do say that infatuation is the first stage of love!

6:28pm
that's...true
kind of hard seeing souda loving anything apart from cars, though.

6:30pm
Oh? I didn't picture him a vehicle enthusiast, oddly enough.

6:32pm
he uh...smells like motor oil and is constantly covered in grease stains
is that vehicle enthusiastic enough for you?

6:34pm
Hahaha, that must be awful!

6:34pm
it really really REALLY is
especially when you're trying to eat...

6:35pm
...He doesn't have a beard, does he?

6:35pm
wha-
np b
npwsy

6:37pm
Are you...okay over there? Haha...

6:38pm
yrs

6:39pm
I didn't offend you in any way, did I?

6:41pm
cabt syop layghing
ih gpd

6:42pm
I can't say I understand what you're saying.

6:45pm
sirrt sirry
jist souda with a besrd
o csnt beeathe

6:46pm
Ah, will you need a hospital, perhaps?

6:47pm
hahahahaha
ah, sorry, i'm good now
...i think

6:50pm
I...suppose he's definitely not the type to suit a beard, then?

6:52pm
no way, not a single chance
he doesn't even let his leg hair grow out, there's seriously no hope for a beard at all.

6:54pm
Ah, ahahaha, my mistake!

7:00pm
no worries, you're all good.

7:03pm
Well...as...fascinating as this has been, I'm afraid I have to leave.  
I have an appointment arranged.

7:04pm
oh
oh yeah, that's cool
good luck with your appointment!

7:06pm
Thank you!
Although I'll doubt I'll need it, haha.

7:08pm
sure you will
and i don't suppose i'm getting that pity cake anytime soon...right?
i was really looking forward to that.
:-(

10:07pm

Good?

10:08pm
perfect

27th of October, 2014

12:34pm
is this the real life?
is this just fantasy?
caught in a landsliiiide
no es-cape-from-re-a-li-ty

12:38pm
Open your eyes!
Look to the skies, and see!

12:40pm
i'm just a poor boy, i need no sympathy
because i'm

12:41pm
Easy come...

12:41pm
easy go

12:43pm
Little high...

12:44pm
little low

12:45pm
Any way the wind blows, doesn't really matter...
Toooo me!

12:46pm
to me

12:48pm
We haven't spoken in a while, anonymous-kun...

12:50pm
i know!
that bohemian rhapsody was my uh...apology
and uh...my apology for the fact that i uh...
kind of...forgot...about you...
i didn't mean to! i was just...busy with things.

12:52pm
Ahh, that would make very much sense.
Although I must admit, I did believe the reason was that you found me to be very annoying, haha!
But I can see why I'm easily forgettable!

12:54pm
oh! no, not at all
you're actually...pretty fun to talk to
even if you may be a creepy old guy...

12:55pm
Well, you never know, I could be!
I could also be a serial killer, a deranged psychopath, a supernatural being, a theif, or a baker!
You wouldn't know.

12:57pm
oh no...
...oh no...
oh no..
...i really hope you aren't a baker
bakers are flour killers!

12:58pm
Ah, i see...and what if it happens to be that I am a baker?

1:00pm
oh, dear!
save the poor flour!
spare the eggs, too, they didn't do anything wrong!

1:02pm
Wrong!
Those eggs are the reason I look back on my childhood with despair!
They have to be exterminated!

1:03pm
you...
you monster!

1:03pm
Those eggs are the true monsters, here.
Not I.

1:04pm
noooooo!

1:06pm
Oh, YES!
Very delicious.

1:08pm
for some reason, i don't think you're a creepy stalker anymore
could be a serial killer
but definitely not a creep

1:10pm
Is that so?
Those are some nice bedsheets, by the way.
Nice hair you have, too.

1:12pm
oh, boy
i bet they are

1:13pm
What nice wall paint you have too!
How very green, how very unusual.

1:14pm
whoops, forgot i needed to paint over that
kinda gets boring after a while

1:15pm
Oh, no, anon-kun! Don't you know that cream carpet stains very easily?

1:16pm
i can't believe you're still calling me 'kun', you can see that i'm a girl, right?

1:16pm
Nope!
You are 100% male.
It is quite...obvious.

1:18pm
oh, shoot! i forgot to put on clothes!

1:20pm
You have incredible self confidence, anon-kun.
Having the window this open whilst wearing your birthday suit is quite admirable in a
...very strange way...

1:22pm
i don't know what to say
i'm a very open guy.

1:24pm
Ah, so you are indeed male!
The baker detective has succeeded once more.

1:25pm
whoops, you got me!
damn it
and you're a detective now too, are you?

1:26pm
Why, of course!
Always have been.
A better detective than Detective Dick Gumshoe!

1:28pm
...
...every...
...detective is better than dick gumshoe...

1:30pm
Hm...I see your point.
Although he does find quite useful evidence in several cases, so not entirely useless!

1:32pm
and, well...i'm actually at school, not home
and last time i checked, i definitely didn't live at a school
i guess you don't make a very good detective at all.

1:35pm
Ah, I knew it all along!
All that investigating was to put you off-scent.

1:37pm
oh, you definitely put me off-scent, i think i have to give you credit for that.

1:38pm
A trophy would be nice, too.
Now get back on track with your schoolwork, anon-kun.
Then we'll see about getting you your own trophy.

1:40pm
shh, i'm trying!
stop buzzing or i'll have to turn you off.

1:50pm
Bzzt.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////

8:00pm
that was...a terrible monday.

8:01pm
I am very sorry to hear that.
My messages probably didn't help much either, haha...
I'm never of much use anyway!

8:03pm
no no, they were nice, actually
but getting whacked with a tennis racquet in the head is not nice
i think i have brain damage.

8:05pm
Oo, ouch...

8:06pm
exactly.

8:08pm
I hope tomorrow will be better! 

8:09pm
well...at least it won't be a monday.

8:11pm
Ah yes, I suppose that is very true.
Mondays do tend to feel like they go on for ages.

8:13pm
yeah, i know exactly what you mean
damn mondays.

8:15pm
Damn Mondays.

8:17pm
i'm uh...
i'm guessing you don't go to school, right?
or you're homeschooled?
unless you dropped out...which is...alright too, i guess.

8:20pm
Oh, no, I do go to school!
That's how I met my friends, actually.
I didn't have to go today, however, as my bad luck struck me with a terrible cold this weekend, haha.

8:22pm
oh...that, uh...that's really gotta suck
you probably had a worse monday than I did hahaha.

8:24pm
It wasn't too bad, really.
Most of the time was either relaxing or sleeping to get better! Haha.
The blocked nose was a little annoying, though...

8:25pm
man, i hate blocked noses
it's like your own nose wants to stop you from breathing

8:27pm
Perhaps noses have secret malicious intent.

8:28pm
watch out, the nose apocalypse is coming!

8:30pm
Hahaha
Although...I wonder what that would actually be like...

8:31pm
i pictured it as noses falling off of people's faces and attacking them, if that helps.

8:32pm
Ah yes, I have a wonderful image of that in my head now, thank you.
Attack On Noses

8:35pm
sie sind das noses und wir sin die jager!

8:36pm
Shame on you, Anon-kun.

8:40pm
fumareta hana no
namae no shirazu ni

8:41pm
I finally agree, this is the worst Monday.

8:45pm
chi ni ochita tori wa
kaze wo machiwabiru

8:46pm
This must be more of my bad luck kicking in...

8:48pm
inotta tokoro de
nani mo kawaranai
imo wo kaeru no wa
tatakau kakugo da...

8:50pm
You may be getting some of the lyrics wrong.

8:51pm
shikabane fumikoete
susumu ishi wo
warau buta yo

8:52pm
This is pure agony.

8:54pm
kachiku no annei
...kyogi no han'ei
...shiseru garou jiyuu wo!

9:00pm
What a cruel punishment

28th of October, 2014

6:00am
Good morning, Anon-kun!
This is your wake up alarm!
Time to get up for a bright, new, hopeful day!
School is awaiting!
Your future is present!
So, wakey-wakey sleepyhead!

6:02am
i'm awake, alright?! i'm up!
i'm ready to go, hooray, new day, okay?!
just please
PLEASE
stop

6:03am
Ah, I'm very glad to see my revenge plot was a wonderful success.

6:04am
you...
...crap, you got me
i've got nothing.

6:06am
I believe I won this round, anon-kun.

6:07am
this isn't over.

6:08am
Oh, is that right?

6:10am
you're gonna pay for this so bad
even if i have to send you guren no yumiya until  i get sick of it, too.

6:11am
Now thinking about it, that wasn't too bad.
Kind of a nice tune, I suppose.

6:13am
SIE SIND DAS ESSEN WIR SIN DIE JAGER!

6:15am
You're awfully cruel.

6:16am
you know you could always block this number, right?

6:16am
Never!

6:18am
fumareta hana no...

6:19am
...
...
...

6:21am
...?

6:23am
Consider yourself blocked.

Chapter Text

30th of October, 2014

9:02am
i don't want to go to school
i just wanna break the rules
doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo

9:03am
I don't have to go to school.
Therefore I can't break the rules.
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.

9:05am
still sick?

9:06am
I'm afraid so.
My immune system doesn't work very well, you see, so it takes me longer than usual to get back to health.

9:06am
...oh
that's awful.

9:08am
Ah, it's really not too bad.
You get used to it after a while.

9:09am
i...
i...guess so...?

9:11am
Although you are right, it is quite a pain to suffer.

9:12am
have you had any soup?

9:14am
Soup?

9:15am
yeah!
you know, chicken soup, pumpkin soup vegetable soup potato and leek soup?

9:16am
I can't say that I've tried that...
I don't eat soup very much.

9:18am

just for you!

9:20am
Ah, you're too kind.
Too kind.

9:21am
welcome
seriously though, chicken noodle soup always makes me feel better.

9:22am
Hm, I'll definitely have to give it a try then.

9:22am
oh!
and remember to ask your mom for bread in it
bread always makes it taste better.

9:24am

...I'll think about it, haha.
I'm not a very big fan of soup, you see.

9:26am
oh
oh yeah, that's fine
i heard herbal tea can work just as well.

9:27am
You're quite right, it is supposed to.
However, I've probably drunk too much tea by now for it to have any positive effects...haha.

9:28am
i don't get you

9:28am
Hm?

9:31am
so...you don't like soup, but you like tea??

9:32am
Yes, that's correct.

9:34am
but doesn't tea just taste like water with leaves??
soup at least has a flavour to it.

9:35am
Of course not! Every tea is very different, very different flavours!
Though I can see why how tea isn't for everyone.

9:36am
...and your thoughts on soup?

9:38am
Well...there really isn't much else I can say.
I suppose I just don't like the texture of many soups?

9:39am
...
fair enough
if you don't like something, you don't like something, right?

9:41am
Very true, anon-kun!
Just like how I may dislike Justin Beiber, but you may like him.

9:42am
no way!
not at all
...but i think his last name is spelt 'bieber'

9:43am
Oh? I thought it was spelt 'beaver'.

9:45am
i don't know
could be beanbar

9:46am
No hard feelings, Justclean Thebath.

9:47am
that's...really great, actually

9:50am
...Do you really think so?

9:52am

10:00am
Knew it.

10:02am
for your very special pity party, you've received an extra prize!

10:03am
Go on...

10:05am
you get a complimentary pity piñata and a pity balloon
...which i would send if i could

10:06am
That's very sweet of you, Anon-kun.

10:08am
hey, i'm a very sweet guy

10:09am
Oh, I never said anything like that.

10:10am
after i threw a nice pity party for you

10:12am
I'll admit, it was a nice party...
Although your cake wasn't a very original idea.

10:13am
i don't know what you're talking about

10:15am
If you say so, you petty criminal.

10:16am
me?  a criminal? 
never

10:18am
I'm calling the cops presently.

10:19am
how much you want?

10:21am
$1,000

10:22am
i can give you...$10?

10:24am
That'll work.

10:25am
phew

10:27am
Throw in a pity cake, too?

10:28am

of course

10:30am
Delicious!

10:31am
pity cake's getting a bit old

10:33am
I'm glad you agree.

10:33am
they just grow up so fast

10:34am
We won't be parents anymore, Anon-kun!

10:35am
soon they'll be leaving for college
and then out of the house...
alone in the world...

10:37am
Oh, it's too tragic to think about!

10:38am
i'm sure they'll remember we're always their parents

10:39am
I hope so.
We'll have to make sure they'll visit for Easter and Christmas.

10:41am
really?
i was happy about buying our child no more presents...

10:41am
You make a despicable parent.

10:46am
hinataaaaaaaaa!!! (´･Д･)」

10:47am
soudaaaaa.

10:47am
u got a grill & u didnt tell meeeee?? （；￣ェ￣）

10:48am
i don't remember buying a grill...

10:49am
no waay!
u bought her?! (ﾟoﾟ;;

10:50am
i...really don't understand what you're trying to say

10:51am
o
i ment girl (^_^;)

10:51am
what?
and those faces are creepy

10:52am
( ；´Д｀)

10:53am
stop.

10:53am
there not creepy!!
there cute (=^ェ^=) like animals
i lov animals!!

10:55am
i...okay.

10:56am
so cmon hinataaaa!
tell me what shes like!

10:57am
who?

10:57am
the girl u were talking to

10:58am
what girl?
look souda, you're gonna get us both caught.

11:00am
the 1 u were just messaging!

11:01am
??????????

11:02am
ur so dumb hinata
u kno the 1 u kept smiling at as u looked at your phone

11:04am
ohhhhh, now i get it
nah, that wasn't a girl.

11:05am
dont lie 2 me
ur having a secret lovers affair!

11:06am
i'm really not
honestly, it's just this person i met once

11:07am
o
whats there name?

11:08am
it's...something?

11:08am
hajimeeeee

11:09am
i actually don't know, okay?
it could be a girl or a guy or an alien and i really don't know.

11:10am
?

11:10am
i know how weird it sounds, trust me.

11:12am
so...
u dont have a girl?

11:13am
no, i don't.

11:14am
u couldve just said that!
this entire chat has been stupid now (´･Д･)」

11:15am
i'm glad you regard our friendship so highly.

11:16am
(つД`)ノ
(*｀へ´*)
Σ(￣。￣ﾉ)ﾉ

11:17am
stop.

7:34pm
I may have tried that chicken noodle soup...

7:35pm
did you remember the bread?

7:35pm
Of course.

7:36pm
aaaaand...?

7:37pm
You were right, it made me feel a lot better.

7:37pm
aaaaaaaaaaaaaand?

7:38pm
...I have to admit, it wasn't too bad.
The bread did make it much more enjoyable.

7:39pm
not to say i told you so
but
i definitely told you so.

7:41pm
You certainly did.
Thank you, Anon-kun.

7:41pm
you don't need to thank me...
so now you'll be able to go back to school, right??

7:42pm
Oh, I doubt that, though I do think it'll speed up my recovery process.

7:43pm
well...at least that's something.

7:44pm
You're quite right.

7:45pm
really?
most of the time i'm 'quite left'.

7:45pm
That must make me 'quite up'.

7:46pm
nah, you can be 'quite down' sometimes.

7:46pm
I am known to be a downer on occasion, that's true.

7:47pm
and here i was thinking you were the cheeriest guy of the lot.

7:48pm
Why, of course I am, Anon-kun!
Far cheerier than a happy clown.

7:50pm
that...gave me a great mental image.

7:51pm
You're very welcome.

7:52pm
i'm literally crying

5:53pm
Ah, tears of joy.

31st of October 2014

7:32am
T G I F
T G I F
T G I F

7:34am
'TGIF'?

7:35am
thank google it's friday

7:36am
Thank you, great lord of Google.

7:36am
thank you google

7:37am
Thank you, Google.

7:38am
i mean, we do have a lot to thank google for
if you think about it.

7:38am
Hmm...I suppose that's true.
Google is the best search engine out there.

7:39am
definitely
i wouldn't trust any other

7:39am
What if I were a search engine?

7:40am
how to fake sick

7:41am
Showing results 1 out of 36:
DontFakeYourIllness.com
Why shouldn't you fake sick?...leads to laziness...scientifically proven...

7:42am
worst search engine ever

7:42am
Did you mean 'Bing'?
Showing results 7 to 103 for Bing.

7:43am
yep, i was right
i definitely prefer google

7:44am
Showing results 10 to 30,000 for Asshole.
Anonkunisanasshole.com
Do you know someone whose an asshole? Why is anon-kun an asshole?

7:45am
this search engine is really mean.

7:46am
Showing results 1 to 16 for Thank You.

7:47am
showing results 1 to 3 for you're welcome

7:47am
What's for breakfast?

7:48am
huh?
i thought you were the cook in this relationship.

7:49am
I'm taking a different career path.
I want to be a bus driver.

7:51am
we're gonna be broke!

7:51am
Not if I'm the best bus driver around.

7:52am
but you're not.

7:53am
Your lack of faith hurts, Anon-kun.

7:53am
worser bus driver than the search engine.

7:55am
I do make quite the search engine...

7:56am
oh yeah?

7:57am
Oh yeah.

8:00am
french toast cinnamon whipped cream and strawberries
that's breakfast

8:01am
Delicious.

8:03am
why thank you

8:06am
7 out of 10.

8:07am
only a measly seven??

8:10am
Your ice-cream is melted, the strawberries are too small and the toast is overcooked.

8:12am
that wasn't ice-cream
it was whipped cream

8:13am
It was awful.

8:14am
but i home made that!

8:16am
It was wonderful effort...
...but sadly, it wasn't enough for me.
You are out of the competition.

8:20am
never cooking for you again
you can be the housewife in this relationship

8:22am
I'm afraid I don't know how, Anon-kun.
You make such a great housewife, I couldn't compare!

8:23am
hmph

8:23am
House-wife of the year award?

8:24am
okay fine
take your shitty lunch

8:26am
Oh, thank-you, Anon-kun!
Such a kind soul to me...

8:27am
yeah yeah yeah
have a nice day

8:28am
I will, definitely!
Don't forget to wash the dishes!

8:28am
yes of course
ill make sure you get a good dinner too, love

8:30am
Can't wait!

8:32am
itll knock your socks off

8:34am
Ah, before I leave...

8:35am
yes?

8:36am
Whatever did you pack for me in my lunch box?

8:37am
two-week year old fried rice

8:40am
...Sounds delicious!

8:43am
you're so sweet
have a nice day!!

8:45am
Thank you, Anon-kun, I'll try 

8:47am
xx