Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

This again.
Rolling over to her side, Valerie huffed, squeezing her eyes shut as she struggled to sleep. She held that position for less than a minute before she opened her eyes, glancing at the clock.

3:15 in the morning.

Shit.

Groaning, she rolled onto her back, grabbing at her face with frustrated hands. Why did insomnia have to be her best friend? She swore, it was getting worse, but god forbid she saw anyone about it. Vkay had tried to get her to, mentioning something about their combat efficiency no doubt suffering from it and blah, blah, blah-
She’d stopped paying attention at that point.
Deep down, she knew he was right. He knew her better than she knew herself, surprisingly. Link be damned, he was pretty smart.

Finally giving up on sleeping, she hobbled out of bed, slipping on her boots and steadily made her way down to the hanger. With tired hands, she punched in the door code, letting the panels slide apart as she stepped in, them closing behind her.
Rows of Titans were stored on either side of her, all offline by now, their equivalent of sleep. She walked past them, heading towards the back.

Coming to a stop by him, Vkay, her Titan, she cautiously prodded at their Link, reaching a hand out to gently pat his knee. He “woke” with a start, moving slightly as his optic blinked to life, refocusing and focusing itself on her, like he couldn’t believe she was there.
“Pilot. What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be asleep,” he pointed out, optic finally focusing on her, bathing her figure in a deep orange hue.

“Mn, couldn't sleep. Wanted to see you.” She hummed, leaning against his knee as she closed her eyes. Truth was, she was exhausted, but no matter how hard she tried, sleep had always evaded her. It was her worst enemy.

“You sound exhausted.”

“I am.”

“Then why can’t you sleep?”

“You know me, sleep isn’t exactly my best friend.”

“I know. I am.”

Valerie laughed quietly, patting along the plating of his leg with a smile. “Yeah, big guy, you are.” She felt a gentle prod at her back, and glanced back to see his finger, which turned to an open hand that he presented to her. She happily climbed onto it, leaning against his fingers as she cradled his thumb, letting him lift her up to his level.
“Did you do this just to see me?” He asked, tilting his optic slightly to refocus on her now that she was closer.
“No, not this time. Promise,” she hummed, closing her eyes as she hugged his thumb, leaning against the soft padding of his fingers.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Would you be mad if I did?”

He went quiet for a moment, briefly glancing away before looking back at her.

“No.”

“Good,” she hummed, stretching out comfortably in his hand, kicking her feet out with a smile. “Because I think I’m gonna stay right here. S’comfy.”
“You really should get some sleep.”

“Told ya, I can’t.”

“Pilot-”

“Vkay.”

“Valerie.”
That got her eyes to open. Despite their increasing relationship, the instances in which he used her actual name were few and far between. She could probably count them on two hands.
As she met his gaze, she could feel the growing concern in the back of her head, a small blip in their Link.

“You really need to sleep. It’s recommended you get a full eight hours of consistent sleep for maximum performance.”

“I’ll show you maximum performance-”

She heard him ex-vent, his equivalent of a sigh, before continuing.

“Pilot. Please.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, watching as he stared at her in silence. She could practically feel the puppy eyes boring into her soul, despite him having none. Groaning, she tossed her head back, tangling her fingers in her hair.
“God, who taught you how to beg?” She huffed, shaking her head. “As if I could tell you no before, I definitely can’t when you do that.”

“Does that mean you’ll sleep?” Vkay asked, a twinge of excitement in his voice.

“I’ll try.”

Vkay began lowering his hands, but she stopped him with a pat to his palm, shaking her head.
“Please. I wanna stay here,” she said, glancing away. “It’s too quiet in the barracks. My thoughts are too loud.”
“You’ve been showing increasing symptoms of PTSD, I highly recommend you seek medi-”

“Vkay, not now, please. I know, I will. Just, not now.”

There was a moment of silence between them, with Vkay obviously giving up for now. She knew he’d force her to eventually.
“Would you like to sleep in the cockpit?”
Her joints ached at the thought alone, and she shook her head. “Nah, that chairs comfy and all, but it obviously wasn’t made for sleeping. Here’s just fine.”

“I understand.”

Stretching out in his hand again, she yawned, closing her eyes as she hugged his thumb, laying her head against his index finger’s padding.
“Just… Talk to me, yeah?”

“It’s currently 3:35 in the morning. If you sleep now, you’ll be able to get at least six hours of the required eight.”

“Yeah, yeah. Could you talk about anything else?”

“Would you prefer I recite our latest mission?”

“No, that wouldn’t help any.” Valerie kept her eyes closed, humming to herself as she struggled to think of what to ask of him.
“You’re a skilled soldier.”

“You’re gonna flatter me to sleep?”

“And an even more skilled Pilot.”

If her eyes were open, she’d roll them. He was really going to try and lull her to sleep with compliments. Of all the things, she figured it was probably the most Vkay thing he could do.

“I am lucky to be Linked with you. I wouldn’t prefer anyone else.”

She yawned as the feeling of sleep pulled at her, muscles relaxing as she began to drift off into her dreams.

“You’re… o- sweet t’me…” She mumbled quietly, before she dozed off.

“Sleep well, Pilot.”

Chapter Text

“Vkay? Any clue how much longer?” Valerie’s voice interrupted his thoughts. Slowing his pace to a stop, he turned to look down at her, the young woman begrudgingly trudging along beside him, only stopping when he did.
“Approximately 10 klicks North.” He answered her, knowing she likely wouldn’t make the complete journey on foot.

Huffing, she shook her head, trying to keep herself steady as she began to walk again, her armor feeling like it weighed twice than normal. A small blip in their Link from him stalled her, as she turned her head to look back at the Titan.
“Come here,” was all he’d said, bending down to extend a hand to her. She chuckled quietly, walking over towards him and climbing into his hand, exhaustion pulling at her muscles and making them ache.
“You don’t have to carry me the whole time,” she hummed, stretching out in his hand as he resumed their previous pace, cradling her in his palm.

“Negative. You would never make the journey on foot alone.”

“Y’know, I feel like this has more to do with you.” She started, glancing up at him with a smile behind her helmet. “You just like carrying me, huh?”

“I am indifferent to it.”

“Bullshit.”

In all actuality, she was correct. He did enjoy carrying her. Whether it be on long missions when she didn’t want to be cooped up inside the cockpit, during late nights when she struggled to sleep, or even on the battlefield when he’d scoop her up and out of danger.
There were even times they’d managed a peaceful moment away from everyone. When it was just them and the stars, or the quiet hum of hangar bays. Times when she’d lay contently on his shoulder, sit on his knee, or curl up in the palm of his hand. Those were his favourite.

She was beautiful, really. Both in general terms and in his vision. Something about her sprawled across his hands, bathed in the warm hue of his optic, a gentle smile across her face. It made his core warm to temperatures that shouldn’t have been possible. It wasn’t his fault his Pilot was breathtakingly gorgeous. Both in physical beauty and skill.
Anyone who’d say otherwise would meet his fist.

“Hey, Earth to Vkay. You okay, buddy?” He realized she’d been talking, having climbed up to his shoulder to pat alongside the side of his chassis, leaning down to wave a hand in front of his optic.
“You’re doing it again. You sure you’re not a human in there?” She questioned, knowing it was rhetorical. “I swear, you’re the only Titan I know that spaces out.”

“My apologies. I was… Thinking.”

“Thinking, hm? ‘Bout what?”

“You.”

Not seeming to expect that answer, she went quiet for a second, cheeks heating up as a familiar feeling fluttered in her stomach.
“You serious?”

He didn’t have to answer her, as she laughed and blushed the second he turned to look towards her direction. “Oh my god!” She huffed, giggling and laughing as her face flushed a bright crimson under her helmet.
“Who programmed you to be such a fucking sap?”

She didn’t stop laughing as he reached to pick her up, fingers wrapped around her torso as he pulled her in front of him. She gently slammed a fist into his hand, tears filling her eyes.

“What is so funny?”

“No-othing! You’re jus-” she was interrupted by laughter, shaking her head as she worked to catch her breath.
“You’re just really sweet. I didn’t expect you to be so open about it.” She shrugged when she could breathe again, kicking her feet slightly as they dangled in the air.

“Is there a reason I would not?”

“No, I suppose not.” She said, rubbing the back of her neck idly with her hand. “It just caught me off guard.”
As Vkay placed her back on his shoulder, she settled into the gap in his chassis, looping her hands around the bars for grip. Continuing his pace from before, she held on tight as they made their way towards their objective, side-by-side.

The weight of her on his shoulder, the gentle presence of her in their Link, and the feeling of protectiveness he couldn’t help but develop around her, all just felt right. Like it was meant to be.
As her humming filled his audio processors, the ambience of the terrain around them the only noise besides it, he realized she was more correct than he’d previously thought.
Vkay loved carrying her.

He was determined that she would never know.

Chapter Text

This was just like any other call they’d been on before.
That was what she kept telling herself, as Vkay ran his way towards their objective, XO-16 armed and in his hands.
They’d gotten a call about a small IMC unit that was planning a mortar strike against a nearby settlement, and with the two being in the area, they were asked to take them out. It was an easy task, all things considered, they probably definitely didn’t need a Titan for it, but they were close-by, so it was easier then sending a separate unit.

As they neared the coordinates, a building came into view, an old radio station that they were using as a camp by the looks of it. Getting closer to the building, Valerie gently patted the inside of Vkay’s cockpit, exhaling a breath she didn’t notice she’d been holding. “All right, big guy, you know the drill.” She said, giving the internal camera a smile as they stopped abruptly at the building.
The cockpit popped open in a second, and she was greeted by panicked voices and gunfire of the IMC soldiers they’d caught horribly off-guard. She wasted no time in hopping out, landing on the ground and taking off. As she made her way towards the back of the outer platform surrounding the building, she could hear gunfire and screams behind her, Vkay had them under control.
A patrol made its way to her right, heading towards the Titan and passing right by her. She changed her course, running towards them and sliding around the corner to toss a data knife into one of their skulls, the Wingman on her hip taking care of the rest of them. She was always a good shot.

With them dealt with, she continued onwards towards the back, more gunfire from Vkay heard behind her, and she guessed more made their way to him. She wasn’t worried, he could handle it.
While she made her way through the internals of the building, clearing any unfortunate IMC troops that stood in her way, she could hear the chaos from outside, rockets, gunfire, and the poor souls of the grunts Vkay happened to be going berserk on.
It was how they always fought, side-by-side, they much preferred it to being embarked. She could fight in-control of him, had many times before, but they always worked best that way. In her words, he was good at creating chaos while she snuck in to flank their enemies. She still remembered his response.

“Am I a good distraction?”

“No, not like that. You’re just good at keeping ‘em busy while I flank.”

“Like a distraction?”

Huffing, she’d tossed her head back, laughing quietly. “Fine, yes. But you’re more than that. I’m just saying you’re good at it.” Looking at him, she smiled, a warmth spreading its way up her cheeks. “You could never be expendable to me, Vkay. I’d go crazy without you.”

“Thank you, Pilot.”

Speaking of the Titan, she was pulled out of her thoughts as she executed the last enemy, sheathing her data knife as his voice came through their comms.
“Pilot, you should return. We have a problem,” she could hear gunfire outside, but not just his own.
She was already running her way back, exiting the building as she went to respond to him. “Already on my way, what’s u-?”

She didn’t have to ask, the problem staring her in the face as Vkay dodged its swing. Apparently, this wasn’t just any regular IMC platoon, as a Ronin-class Titan was currently busy trying to make their job even more difficult.
Sighing, she ran her way over, using the wall to gain some speed before vaulting off of it, landing directly on her target as Vkay ceased his fire.

“Pilot-”

“I got this under control, don't ya worry, love-”

Climbing her way up the Ronin’s chassis, she ducked to avoid a swing as it attempted to swat her off. She made her way to the battery compartment at the top, grabbing hold of one of them before twisting it out, all while having to hold on for dear life because the Ronin was not so happy with her right now.
As the battery was free, she felt the Titan shudder under her at losing part of its power supply. Clipping the battery to her belt, she pulled off a frag, tossing it down the compartment before going to jump off.
Except she made it halfway through said jump before the Ronin finally did manage to swat her away, its hand hitting her back and sending her flying into the building’s wall, as she rolled to the floor.

Groaning, she carefully pushed herself to her knees, hearing the explosion as the frag exploded, then heavy gunfire as Vkay worked to finish it off.

“Pilot!” Vkay frantically chanted in her ears, which were ringing from the explosion and the tumble. She was fine, nothing major was hurting, but she was gonna be feeling that for the next few weeks.
“I’m fine, Vkay!” She called back to him, shaking her head as she pulled herself to her feet as a blur was seen in the corner of her peripheral. But with her previous predicament, she was a little too slow to dodge the blade that swung at her, moving to the side a second too late as the edge sliced through her arm, leaving a gash in her armor.

She was quick to pull her Wingman, a single shot taking him out. Sheathing the pistol, she grabbed at the cut on her arm, wincing. It wasn’t bad, by any means, but it did sting a little.
“Pilot!” Vkay yelled for her, finally managing to destroy the enemy Titan.

What happened next was all a blur. Vkay had rushed over to pick her up, scooping her into the cockpit and sealing her in. The HUD was offline, she couldn’t see what was happening, but the audio feed was still working. Gunfire, screams, rockets, she could hear him wipe through the remaining IMC soldiers with a brutal rage, one she’d never seen from him before.
It all happened in a flash, but when the cockpit opened and a gentle hand wrapped around her torso, pulling her out before letting her sit on his palm. Lifting her up to his level, he looked her over, before settling on the gash along her bicep, which stained the fabric of her suit a dark crimson.

“Vkay, honey, I’m okay,” she reassured him, watching as his free dug around under the seat in his cockpit, pulling out a small box before dropping it in front of her, the hatch closing so his optic could stare into her soul.
Sighing, she opened the box, which was a first aid kit, before pulling out some bandages to wrap the wound until they could get back to base.

“Please do not do that again.”

Glancing at him, she huffed. “Vkay, I’m-”

“Pilot. Please.”

Pausing her wrapping, she tucked the bandage in on itself, keeping it in place before staring at him. “Are you okay?” She knew he was protective, possessive even, but it was beginning to dawn on her as she looked down at the chaos around them. Bodies in all different pieces scattered around the platform, blood soaking the metal floors, even the blood that coated parts of Vkay’s chassis. He’d lost it. From a single scratch on her.
There was a quiet moment where he didn’t answer her, his optic still focused on her directly.

“I don’t know.”

She gently placed her hand against his palm, trailing it up to his index finger before wrapping her fingers around it, her best equivalent of holding his hand. “It’s okay. You were just protecting me. It’s part of your protoco-”

“That was not protocol, Valerie.”

“It was a little overboard…”

“I lost control. You could have been hurt more by my actions.”

She gestured to the bandage on her arm, shaking her head. “I’m okay. It looks worse than it is, trust me.” She squeezed his finger tighter, smiling at him behind her helmet. “I know you would never hurt me.”

“Not intentionally, no. However-”

“Accidents happen, love. I’ll be okay. Nothing happened. You protected me, that’s all.”

As Vkay went quiet, Valerie packed back up the first aid kit, and the Titan placed her back into the cockpit, closing it up before making his way back towards base.

“I will get you back.”

“Vkay, really-”

“You are injured.”

“It’s a scratch!”

“It could still become infected.”

Giving up arguing with him, she slumped back into the seat, watching through the HUD as he jogged back.
“You worry too much,” she said quietly, patting the inside of his chassis.

“Perhaps.”

Chapter Text

“What are you thinking about?” Valerie’s voice interrupts his thoughts, and he glances down to stare at the woman, sprawled out in his lap, a devilish smile as she looks at him.
“Comfortable?” Vkay asked, hoping to change the subject, but she seemed to catch on, turning slightly to prop her head up on her hand, leaning against her elbow.
“Vkay, talk to me. What is it?”

“You would no doubt deem it trivial.”

“Try me.”

Upon realizing he wasn’t going to win this argument, an ex-vent left him, puffs of steam leaving his chassis as he looked away from her.

“You.”

“Must you say that every time?” She giggled, sitting up as she stared up at him. She was beautiful. Sun-kissed skin illuminated under the sun’s rays, and the windswept leaves of the trees matching the emerald in her eyes.
He wasn’t supposed to be feeling like this, but he couldn’t help it. His Pilot was pretty, who was mad at him for appreciating it?

“You’re doing it again, love.” Valerie hummed, laying back down in his lap to stare up at the clouds, tracing their patterns with her gaze.
“My apologies. I was admiring you.”

“Oh, hush, ya big lug.” She smiled, a crimson flooding her cheeks as she waved her hand dismissively. “You flatter me too much.”
“It’s true. I was.”

“Shush, why don’t ya? This is why we can’t have nice things.” She shook her head, covering her face in her hands with embarrassment.

“I have nice things.”

“Oh? Let me guess, I count?”

“You aren’t a “thing,” but yes.”

Rolling her eyes, she sat up from his lap, instead climbing up the side of his chassis, propping her foot in the divot of his hip to lean against his side. “I swear, I’m the luckiest Pilot in the world-” she interrupted herself, leaning forward to plant a kiss to the side of his cockpit before dropping back down into his lap.

“Pilot, you really shouldn’t-”

“Shush, I won’t get sick giving you one kiss.”

As she settled back into his lap, she inhaled a deep breath of the fresh air, a satisfied noise leaving her as she let it out. Closing her eyes, she rested her head on her arms, crossing her ankles as she enjoyed the warmth of the sun. “Mmn, we should do this more often.”

“We should. It is pleasant.”

Cracking open one eye to look at him, she smiled before closing it again. “Shame the SRS keeps us pretty busy. You ever think of defecting?”

“No. I highly doubt the IMC would-”

“It was a joke, lighten up, silly.”

“I cannot “lighten up,” I don’t know-”

“It’s an expression, love.”

“Oh.”

They sat in a comfortable silence for the next five minutes, and towards the end of it, if it wasn’t for her vitals, Vkay would’ve assumed Valerie had fallen asleep by how quiet she was being. He almost asked if she was okay, but figured she was probably just enjoying the scenery. He liked to think he could tell when she was unhappy.

“Hey, honey?”

“Yes, Pilot?”

“Oh, skip the formalities. You can call me Valerie when no-one’s around, y’know.”

There was a pause.

“Yes… Valerie?”

The woman in question barked a laugh, smiling as she opened her eyes to look at him. “You are adorable sometimes.” She hummed before standing up, moving to his knee to point at his hand, which was settled on the grass below them.

“I am enjoying laying in your lap, but can you pick me up?” She asked, staring at him as she waited.
Vkay glanced at his hand, then at her as he carefully lifted it up, holding it up next to his knee. She seemed to notice his unusual hesitance though, as she didn’t climb into it like expected, instead staring at him with a furrowed brow.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he lied.

“Bullshit. What’s wrong? You can talk to me.”

The Titan’s optic focused itself on her, a brief moment of quiet passing as he thought about the best way to phrase this.
“You are… Small.”

“Wow, that was rude.” She said with a hum, before laughing as the Titan’s internal panic set in. “Not really, you’re fine, love. Compared to you, I am, yes.”

“But why this? Why now?”

“With some of our recent missions…”

He didn’t have to finish his sentence, she understood immediately.
They’d gone through some hell recently, hence sneaking out to have a moment to themselves. But some of the hell had involved him having to pick her up out of danger, a lot. Very quickly, and once or twice, he’d squeezed a little hard, but not enough to hurt her. Apparently, he’d noticed either way. And it was bothering him.

“Vkay…”

“I know I cannot physically hurt you.”

“Nor would you. Even if you didn’t have that stupid protocol, I know you’d keep me safe.”

Thinking for a moment, she leaned down to grab his hand by his index finger, pulling it upwards to rest against her torso. She knew he let her, she’d never be able to move his hand on her own.
“Wrap it around me,” she said, staring at him with intent. Sensing his unease, she smiled. “Trust me.” A second later, he complied, gently wrapping his hand around her torso, lifting it just slightly. Enough to pull her feet off of his knee.

“Squeeze. As hard as you can,” she said, resting her arms against his hand as she stared into his optic, her face relaxed, no fear at all.
“Valerie, I-”

“Do it. I trust you.”

And squeeze he did, enough to give her a slight breathlessness, but no pain, akin to a tight embrace. He was holding back, obviously, she’d witnessed him crush people in his fist numerous times. But she knew he wasn’t just holding back because of his protocol. He cared for her. He would never hurt her.

“See, you’re not hurting me.”

“I could-”

“You wouldn’t. I know you’d never hurt me. Protocol or not, you’re a good person, Vkay.” She praised, smiling at him as she gently patted the back of his hand, holding onto his index finger. “Hell, you took out a dozen IMC troops because I got a scratch. You’d never hurt me. Intentionally or not.” The Titan seemed to notice the slight lack of air in her lungs, as he let up on his grip to let her breathe.

“You cannot breathe.”

“I’m fine, Vkay. You were barely squeezing. I know people who hug tighter than that.” She said with a laugh, shaking her head.
“My point still stands. You won’t hurt me. Even if I can fit in the palm of your hand.”

“I also worry about others hurting you.”

“Well, I know you wouldn’t let that happen either. And if it did, you’d go through hell to make sure they pay for it.”

“You are easy to injure.”

“Am I? I think I’m pretty lu-”

“Squishy.”

“I-what?” She questioned, seeming bewildered by his response, a blush spreading to her face.

“You are squishy. It makes you prone to injury.”

Blinking, she burst into laughter, face red as she slammed a fist into his hand, wheezing. As she continued to laugh, Vkay gently lowered her back down into his lap, dropping her in it as she rolled onto her back, giggling.
“I-oh my god, that’s gotta be a first!” She said, panting as she struggled to catch her breath, still being interrupted by fits of laughter.
When she could finally breathe again, she laid back down in his lap, smiling up at him.

“You love me for it.”

“I do.”

It had taken a moment, but he realized she was right. He would never hurt her, or allow her to come to harm. Despite her size, he would always make sure she was safe. He wouldn’t tell her directly, but her little “show” of it had made him feel better.
As they spent the next two minutes in silence, the sun had begun to set, painting the meadow they were sitting in with a warm hue, making the grass around them coated in gold.
One more minute passed, and Vkay finally broke the quiet.

“We should be heading back, Pi-”

He hadn’t finished his sentence before she’d opened her eyes to glare at him.

“…Valerie.”

Satisfied, she closed them again, leading back in his lap as she enjoyed the cool breeze washing over her, and the sounds of it brushing through the trees. She waved her hand, humming as she beckoned for him. “Bring your hand down.” Despite the growing urgency to leave, he complied, setting his hand down under her head, acting as a pillow as she laid against his palm.

“Five more minutes. Then we’ll head back.”

As his thumb carefully settled itself against her head, gently carding its way against her hair, he answered her.

“Okay, Valerie.”