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Chapter Text

How to Date an Ed

Prologue

It was late one Friday night, in a sleepy cul-de-sac, where one young man was the only one awake. He had finished his essay for Monday's class hours ago; at the moment he was taking care of a natural problem for any male. Staring at the screen on his computer, slightly ashamed of the content that is flashing across the flat surface, his latex-covered hand is wrapped around his condom-covered penis, which is hard and pulsing with need.

His hand flew over his length in time with the lustful thrusts as the porno on his desktop, a soft moan escaping his lips from time to time. Not that he was worried about someone hearing him; he's been alone for a very long time. A grunt makes its way past his pink lips as he nears his climax.

It's only then when his imagination decides to take over and replace him with the bottoming male on the screen; seeing himself being pounded mercilessly by the larger male whispering naughty things into his ear. With a gasp and an arch of his back, he fills the condom with his seed. Panting slightly, he groans at the sticky feeling. He carefully peels off the condom and disposes of it in a waste bin that is labelled "filthy." He grabs a disinfecting wipe from the tube beside his screen and cleans himself with it, and discards it in the same place as the condom.

He then tucks his wilted member back into his pants and zips them up. Once done, he peels off the latex glove and it too goes into the "filthy" trash can. He sighs as he gathers his materials- the box of condoms, the box of latex gloves and the tube of wipes- and places them in their correct spots. The dark haired male blushes slightly as the video ends. He exits out of the site and deletes his internet history and cookies. His blue eyes downcast, he turns away from the now shut down computer.

He can't fight it anymore. The evidence was right there. Sighing loudly. the young thin male gathers the items needed to take a shower and heads to the bathroom across the hall to his bedroom. After shutting the door, locking it, and placing the necessary items in their correct positions, he peels off his v-neck red shirt, his skin tight dark purple jeans, matching red socks, matching purple boxer-briefs, and slowly turns to the mirror.

A slim young man stares back at him, pale skin looking luminescent in the artificial light. His torso wasn't ripped, but he wasn't pudgy either. It was... healthy. His shoulders were a little on the small side, but that was okay. He was slightly under the average height for a man his age should be.

His shoulders sloped up to an elegant neck, and his head wasn't overly large. His eyes- sky blue, and usually glinting with curiosity, were almond shaped and were shadowed- as if he had seen things that no one should ever have. His nose was a bit on the short and stubby side, but it complimented his high cheek bones and slightly weak chin. He wouldn't go as far as to say he was feminine, but he certainly wasn't the epitome of masculinity. He smiles at his reflection, the gap in his teeth showing. After adjusting his signature black beanie hat that had two white stripes down a side, he confidently says to the mirror.

"I am Eddward "Double- D" Marion Vincent. And I am a homosexual."

His reflection smiles happily back at him. A sudden weight is lifted off his shoulders. He is gay. He has been properly labelled. An exhale escapes him as his smile is slowly morphed into a frown. Oh dear. He must come out of the proverbial closet now, right? That's what all the documentaries about homosexuals have said. But they also said to take your time and do it whenever you were ready.

His frown grows deeper. But he knows as well that the longer you wait, the more miserable you become. His expression becomes worrisome; he also remembers a chart about how bullies would immediately pounce until they were bored or the victim would either move away or kill themselves. Eddward grimaces. He doesn't want to move away, nor does he wish to die. He just has to make himself too boring- or too popular- for the bullies to notice or dare.

But in order to become popular, he would either have to conform -something he would rather avoid- or gain a shield. His eyes widen at the thought. A shield... A meat shield... no, a popular shield. A popular friend? No, not enough of a commitment. He sticks his blue tongue in between the gap in his teeth as he thinks. A popular... boyfriend? He snaps his thin fingers. "Eureka."

A popular boyfriend. Genius. But the only problem is finding an already openly gay- or bisexual- male who is already at the top of the social food chain, who he would be able to coerce, or if need be, bribe into being his fake boyfriend until the statistical allotted time runs out. Which, after thinking quickly, should be about a fortnight.

So who could he possibly ask? he ponders, as he steps into the shower and turns the knobs to the proper pressure to blast comfortable hot water onto his chilled body. Ed and Eddy are obviously out of the running, much to his chagrin. While still his best friends, the Eds are still not anywhere near the popular status that Eddy so craves. Jimmy and Johnny were out of the question; one is still in high school, and the other one nobody would believe to be dating Double D. Rolf is a possibility, but he wonders if he would be able to make the son of a shepard even understand, let alone accept. He's not as popular as he used to be, either.

There was Nathan Goldberg, a teal-haired man who had moved into the cul-de-sac, who was openly bisexual. And while highly accepted and popular, Edd feels as if Nathan would be a bit too... grabby. His mind screeches to a halt as he washes his body with the proper body scrub and his loofa. The only one left is Kevin. And we would refuse outright and probably punch him in the nose. He stops scrubbing his left shoulder when a small voice in his head asks, "What happened to bribing? I actually do have something in exchange for his services that would be satisfactory to his preferences..."

His mental inventory list immediately then shifts to a prize he had won sophomore year of high school: an extremely rare and mint condition 1928 Coventry Eagle 980cc Flying 8 that was sitting in his garage, covered in a white sheet. His eyes spark. He can at least try asking.

With a plan forming in his mind, the young genius finishes washing, turns off the shower, dries himself with a towel, changes into comfortable pajamas, and heads to bed, eager and nervous for the next morning.

Chapter Text

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 1

The sun creeped into the sky slowly at 6:45 a.m., rousing the young genius from a light sleep. Normally on a Saturday, he would allow himself to sleep in until about eight or nine. But not today. Today he has to go and hire his childhood bully into being his escort. A sliver of fear creeps down his spine. Kevin will be the first person to know of his sexual preferences. And if his plan goes awry, the ginger jock could lord that knowledge over him as blackmail... at least, until he comes out to the whole neighborhood.

A sudden burst of determination fills him. Even if Kevin did that, he'd actually be doing him a favor. It would save him a plethora of time and energy. Nodding to himself, he rises from his bed, makes it, and heads to his closet. He frowns at his variety of clothing choices. Oh dear. The clothes themselves are neatly pressed and color coded, but the style of them is ranged from the socially labelled "nerdy" to the socially labelled "scene." He would prefer to label them "formal" and "casual" respectively.

He can't go in a "formal" outfit; that would look a little desperate. And while he is such, he doesn't want to show the young jock any weaknesses. But, if he goes in a "casual" outfit, he could very well be refused for not looking serious about the offer. After franting for about a minute, he decides to use a combination of both. He picks out a white collared button up tee shirt, and a pale yellow vest to go with it. Simple, colorful, and quite stylish in his opinion. He then chooses a pair of black skinny jeans with matching socks. Not too casual, but fitting for the season.

Smiling at his choices, he gingerly places them on the made bed and changes into them, placing the neatly folded pajamas into the laundry basket. He then grabs his homemade tablet, and heads down to the kitchen for a quick breakfast. Said breakfast consisted of dry toast, a small glass of vitamin d milk, and an orange. After disposing the orange skin and paper towel that housed said toast, he places the empty glass in the sink, rinses it, and places it into the empty dishwasher.

After double checking that he has pictures of the motorcycle that is taking residence in his garage, he heads to the front door and selects matching pale yellow high tops to wear. "It's a good thing that matching colored clothing is the fashion this year, I suppose," he thinks as he laces up the footwear. He makes sure he has the key to his house, and then the blue-eyed male opens the door and shuts it behind him, locking it.

Bleary green eyes peek open as the sound of a doorbell reaches tan ears. The man in a well used bed grumbles and rolls over, ignoring the sound. He almost succeeds in returning to dreamland when the annoying chime once again jerks him into conciousness. Growling and rubbing an eye, the young male shouts, "Alright, I'm coming already!"

Kevin tumbles from the bed, grabbing a basketball jersey-like tank top to yank over his head and cover his well toned torso. He scratches the back of his head, ruffling the short ginger locks covering it, and grabs a signature red cap. After placing it on his head backwards, he stumbles into the living area where the front door is. He mumbles under his breath, "Whoever is out there is going to get pounded..." as he opens the door.

There stood Double D. Kevin blinks in surprise. "What the hell is one of the Eds doing here?" He glances at the clock on the television. 7:17 a.m. He grimaces at the clock and turns to the young man on his doorstep. "You got five seconds to explain why you are waking me up this early on a Saturday morning, Double Dork, before I pound ya into next year."

He sees the younger man fidget at that threat. "Greetings, Kevin. I do apologize for the earliness, especially on a treasured weekend, but this could not wait." The green-eyed male waited impatiently, and was about to lose his temper. "...Five... four... three..." He sees blue eyes widen in fear as the fidgeting gets even worse, until the slighter male blurts,

"I wish to hire you for some services!"

That was not the answer he expected. "What?" Double D looks down at his feet. "May I come in? I really do not wish to discuss this out in the open." Taken aback, Kevin takes a step back, allowing the younger man access to his living room and couch. After shutting the door, the ginger-haired man orders, "Sit down, don't touch anything. Erm..." He glares slightly at the fidgeting young genius, remembering that this one likes manners. "Wanna drink? Soda?"

The black haired boy jerks his head up, eyes wide as saucers in fear. "Oh, um, no thank you, Kevin." Kevin sits down in the recliner adjacent to the couch. "So, I'll cut to the chase, then. Hire me for what?" Blue eyes drift downward in dejection. "Actually, it sounds pretty silly now. But essentially, I need... well, first I suppose I should tell you why your services are required."

Patience already thin, Kevin growls, "Get on with it, dork." After a sharp intake of breath, Double D says to him, "Kevin, I'm gay." The red-head frowns at that. Does the young genius mean the slang term, or the actual term? After looking the male up and down, he decides it's the former. The guy looks terrified right now, almost as if he's expecting a punch in the face. Smart dork.

But this is Double Dork. He's always been the quirky one of the Eds. Cleanest, too. Yeah, he can see the guy liking dudes. "Okay. And?" Kevin almost has to bite back a laugh at the younger male's expression; his eyes are as wide as can be, and his jaw is on the floor. "You... you're not, disgusted?! Angry? Sickened by the sight of me?" Kevin blinks, his green eyes never leaving blue ones. "No. Why? You're still Double Dork. Not my business whether or not you like cock."

Surprisingly enough, Double D smiles at him, and looks like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He isn't even being chastized for his language. "Language, Kevin." Okay, maybe spoke too soon. "And thank you." Biting back a yawn, he asks, "So, is that it?" The smile that was on Double D's face quickly is wiped off. "I'm afraid not. You knowing my... preferences in the bedroom are about to become your business."

Dread starts pooling in the sports player's gut. Oh no. Is Double Dork about to confess having a crush on him?! He doesn't think he could gently refuse. No, more like pound the poor guy's face in and kick him out, just on instinct. "I'm hiring you to be my shield." Dread is quickly replaced with confusion. "Huh?" The hell is the dork talking about?

Masking his face with one of patience, the blue eyed male explains. "It's quite simple, Kevin. I will be coming out to the college on Monday. And statistics show that homosexuals are bullied the absolute worst the first two weeks of their reveal. During that time, I require, shall we say, a body guard. But not just any body guard. Someone who is at the highest of the social food chain. Someone who would be able to handle themselves. Essentially, you. But of course, you can't go around telling people, 'oh yeah, I'm guarding that gay guy.' Not only would nobody believe that, but that would cause me to become even more of a target than I already will be. You would have to be a bit more... intimate than that."

Kevin stares at him for a very long minute, trying to absorb the information and translating it. "...So, what you're sayin' is, you want me... to be your boyfriend?" Something heavy drops into the jock's stomach. "But, I'm not gay." Double D nods sadly, "That is the gist of it, I suppose. And I know. But you are the only one that fits the bill, I'm afraid." Kevin's mouth morphs into a thin line. "No way in hell."

"Not even for a very rare motorcycle?"

Kevin stops from rising to his feet as the young genius pulls out a worn looking tablet and shows off some pictures of a very pristine motorcycle. Green eyes widen at the sight. "This is a-"
"A 1928 Coventry Eagle 980cc Flying 8! And it looks mint condish! Dude, where did you get that?!" He stares longingly at the picture. He would KILL for that bike. "I won it."

His mouth drops slightly agape. "Holy shit." He could worship the little dork right now. Hell, date, kiss, fuck. All that would be worth just touching that Eagle. "Language. And I would be more than happy to give it to you, in exchange for your services." Pretend to date the dork for two weeks, and he gets that beaut? What kind of idiot would say no?

"You got yourself a deal, dork."

Chapter Text

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 2

Double D stares at the red head incredulously. "R-really? Splendid!" Smiling broadly, he acquires a pencil and a piece of paper from his pockets. It pays to come prepared. He starts writing. "I will be giving you my school schedule, my phone number, and- in case of emergency, mind you- my internet address. I highly suggest you memorize my schedule and save my phone number in your contacts." He finishes writing and stands up, handing the written note to the more surly male.

"I will see you Monday morning then, Kevin?" And with a bright smile, the young genius heads for the exit. He hesitates at the door. "Also, next time someone rings your doorbell, I implore you, please do not answer in a dirty tank top and your underwear. So unsanitary..." And with that, he leaves.

After the door slams shut behind him, Double D races to his abode, scrambles for the keys, and almost literally throws himself inside, the door closing loudly behind him. "Oh dear, oh my..." Blushing a brilliant red, the blue-eyed man covers his face and involuntarily looks down towards his crotch. "He was so- filthy- and yet, that did not deter from his attractiveness..." It was quite discombobulating.

He had only seen Kevin in two ways, really. One was from afar, where he was docile and pleasant, and the other was up close and hostile. So, seeing him up close and basically civil was quite invigorating. Him being in his underwear didn't hinder that, either. Oh, drat! He had to think about the underwear! His fingers twitch in remembrance; the way the fabric clung to Kevin's thighs...he couldn't decide whether he wanted to fix them, or rip them off. A warmth starts pooling in his stomach. Uh oh.

After the door slammed shut, the red head paled a few shades. Oh, shit. Did he really just agree to date the dork? Granted, it was the least annoying of the Eds, but still. Then again, it was for a Coventry Eagle. He stares at the piece of paper in his hand. He starts heading back towards his bedroom to his phone. If he is going to pull this off, he's going to need to set some boundaries.

He sits on his bed, phone already retrieved from the nightstand and charger, laying in his hand. He unlocks the screen and adds the slighter male's phone number, hesitating on the naming. He shrugs and puts "Double D" in the space, and saves. Reluctantly, he then hits the call button.

After three rings, the phone picks up, though the guy sounds on edge. "G-greetings, Kevin! Something on- on your mind?!" He gives the phone a look. The hell? "Uh, yeah, just wanted to lay some ground rules about all this." Heavy breathing fills his ears for a couple of seconds. "Yes, of course... one moment, p-please." Some rustling of fabric and the phone moving through the air is all that the red headed man could hear. "Alright. Continue."

Not even bothering to figure out what the hell Double Dork could have been doing, he states, "Choice. First off, we don't do this in the neighborhood. School only." A sigh makes its way through his phone. "I can amend to that." He nods. "Cool. Next, I'm not gonna call you by any dork nickname, but I'm not gonna call you cutesy names either." He can almost hear the smile through the device. "I'd have been appalled if you did." Kevin smirks at the technology. "Awesome. And some questions." He hears a chair squeak. "Shoot."

"What kind of PDA are you expecting?" a gasp, then silence. "...Double D?"
"Oh, dear... to be perfectly honest, Kevin, I have never dated anyone, male or female, so I don't know, and was simply going to leave it to you..." A tan, calloused hand slams into a cloth-covered forehead. "Right... well, if you want this to look legit, man, then hand holding, hugging, snuggling and all that other shit is involved. But I draw the line at kissing you outright. I can handle the cheek."

"That sounds fair... anything else?" Kevin swallows. "What happens if I drop out?" Silence. Then, "Well, you obviously wouldn't get the bike, but you would get a consolation prize: a new bicycle chain. I do believe I owe you one." The green-eyed athlete smirks softly. "Yeah, you do." He thinks for a second. "What would happen to the Eagle?"
"Hm? Oh, I would probably take it apart." A sharp pain stabs through Kevin's heart. That precious, rare, beaut- torn to pieces? Over his dead body.

"Right. So, I'll see you later."
"Til Monday, then." He ends the call, and frowns. Double D sounded... strange. Well, stranger than his usual dorky self. But he can't put his finger on it. Oh well.

Double D drops the phone and collapses in his chair. Kevin had some horrible timing. An erection had sprung from the young genius exactly two minutes and twelve seconds after his imagination started to run amok. Twice in two days! His stamina truthfully cannot take this kind of libido. So, he immediately checked the time- eight thirty on the dot- and sped to his room, locking it. He then had frantically grabbed all his items to have a clean maturbation. Flinging himself into his desk chair, he scrabbled to get his pants undone and his member out.

He was about to place on the latex glove when Kevin had called. His erection wilted upon Kevin wanting to place boundaries. So he had fixed himself and agreed to the new conditions. After the call ended, he let out a groan of frustration. It was going to be difficult, dating Kevin Barr.

Kevin flops back onto his bed, wondering how in the hell he is going to pull off this farce. Pretend to be dating the dork. He supposes that as long as the genius isn't too annoying and nagging, he can pull it off. He frowns slightly. Honestly, it's the bullies the dork mentioned that have him concerned. They're the only reason the sockhead needs him, and if they hurt him, his chances with that gorgeous piece of machinery are obliterated. Meaning he is going to have to keep the dork from bodily harm. Meaning he will have to be with him virtually everywhere. Great.

Sunday came and went without much of a fuss, aside from the nostalgic scam from Eddy- this one had a roller coaster that ran throughout the entire neighborhood- so Kevin didn't find anything wrong when he woke up that morning. He stretched and slithered out of bed, scratching a part of his shoulder. He uses the bathroom, deciding to just do a quick swish of mouthwash instead of taking the time to brush his teeth.

He then heads back to his room and throws on black sport shorts and a light green tank top. The red head glances at the folded piece of paper lying innocently beside his phone and he sighs. He supposes he should at least take the dork to school. He frowns slightly. Come to think of it, he has no idea how the dork gets to school and back, let alone if he even has a job. But he shrugs as he places his hat on his head, wraps a dark green hoodie around his waist (English always sucks, since the air conditioner is always busted,) grabs his backpack, wallet, and car keys. Kevin closes his bedroom door, and, after choosing to skip breakfast, leaves.

He heads across the street discreetly, making sure that none of the other "kids" in the neighborhood see him, and makes it to his, ahem, "boyfriend's" house. He stares at it for a couple of seconds. If he didn't know any better, he would say that this place was recently built. Not a piece of dust on it. The white paint on the trim still looks pristine. It was kinda disturbing.

The green-eyed male checked both ways before he rang the white doorbell. And... nothing happened. He glares at the brilliant white door and rings the bell again. Still nothing. Growling in frustration, he pulls out his phone and calls the dork.

"Hello?"

"Where the hell are ya?!"

"Kevin?" He grunts an affirmative as he glares at the silent home. "Answer the question, dork." A huff answers him, "Well, if you must know, since we have an agreement, I am already almost to class." The athlete grits his teeth at the tone the slighter male uses. But Kevin thinks for a minute. "Double D. How did you get there?" A pause at the other end. And the voice on the other end has lost his haughty tone, replaced with a confused one.

"Why, I walked. Just like every other day." Kevin's eyes nearly fall out of their sockets as his body immediately pivots back to his house and car. "Are you out of your mind?!" The elementary school was the only place that was within walking distance. The middle school was miles down, and the high school even farther. The college they both attend was practically in another city. Plenty of time for some jackass to rough him up a bit, or some serial killer freak to gank him. Either way, Kevin would not be getting a bike.

"Where exactly are ya? I'm comin' to get ya," he tells his... partner as he hurdles himself into his front seat of his '98 Mustang and starts it. "What?! W-why?!" He growls at the flustered male on the other line as he peels out of the driveway. "Because that's what couples do! They drive each other around!"

This was only half true. But the dork didn't have to know that. "O-oh. I'm terribly sorry, Kevin. I had no clue. My apologies." The red-head exhales harshly. "Just tell me where you are."

"I'm at the park before the school campus."

"Choice. Find a bench and park it. I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Very well. See you in a little bit, then."

Kevin ends the call, a small weight dropping in his midsection. Why does he have a bad feeling about this?

Chapter Text

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 3

Double D sat down on the nearest bench, biting his lip about the unsanitary, rotting wood he was resting upon. If Kevin said sit, he was not going to anger the physically stronger male and defy him. He glances up at the clear sky, enjoying the crispness of the morning. "Day one isn't starting off too terribly. Surprising." A warm fuzzy feeling settles in his chest. Kevin sounded worried about him. A small smile makes its way to the young man's face.

Which immediately disappears upon glancing to his right. A little ways away from him is some students from his college. They were on the football team. Varsity, if he remembers correctly, since they threw him into the cafeteria trash last semester. There were three of them. All tall and beefy. The only real difference was how many times their noses have been broken during practice. Anders, Tucker, and Goodman, if memory serves.

Unfortunately, they saw him sitting innocently on the rotting bench. Cold sweat beads down his neck as they approach, avoiding eye contact. His body starts to shiver when they reach hitting distance. "Hey, look what it is, Tuck," Goodman snickers. Normally, he would say something snarky that would get him thrown into the trash, like usual, but he was waiting for Kevin. And there was no way he was getting in Kevin's car smelling like garbage. That was just rude. So, unfortunately, he has to play his meek card, one he hasn't used since middle school.

"G-good morning, gentlemen. Fine day we're h-having..." the young genius mumbles politely. Anders sneers at him, "What's the matter, nerd? Too early for a prissy faggoty comment?" The three laugh as the blue-eyed man chuckles weakly. "Aha, g-good one, sir." Whilst looking down at his shoes, listening to the behemoths laugh at him, something possesses him to stand. Drat. And here he was trying to avoid confrontation. Curse his personality.

"What is it, fag? Want a kissy?" He looks at Tucker straight in the face, determination thinning his mouth into a thin line. "Pardon me, but I would not even fathom placing any part of my person on you. Regardless of me being a 'faggot.'" All three athletes stiffen at the words. "Did you just say, what I think you just said, nerd?" Goodman asks. Double D raises an eyebrow under his hat.

"That, yes, I am in fact gay, and that yes, you are ugly? Correct; give the man a prize."

"Why you little shi-" Before any of them could start swinging their arms, a fist hits Goodman in the face. Eyes widening, Double D watches in amazement as Kevin stands from his power punch. "Beat it, boys." The two men, that weren't injured, back away slowly. "Yo, Kev, sorry man. Didn't know he was your friend." The red head ticks his head slightly. "He ain't my friend." The jocks blink at him in confusion. "He's my boyfriend. So back off."

The three bullies' jaws drop simultaneously. Kevin turns to him, eyes shining in anger. "Didn't I tell you to park it?" Double D looks down. "I'm sorry, Kevin." A gasp escapes him as he feels a solid- warm- arm wrap around his waist. "It's fine. Come on, you're gonna be late." The young genius allows himself to be herded to a car, fighting a blush. He actually kinda liked Kevin's arm around him. And he was so cool saving him like that; like a knight in shining armor. Double D feels his heart skip.

Kevin starts the car after he makes sure the young genius is buckled, and takes off. He is furious. At both the crazy dork, and those asswipes. God, he could punch any one of them in the mouth, he really could. If Double D had just ignored them, they wouldn't have tried to hit him. And if those asshole had left him alone, the sockhead wouldn't have made some snarky comeback to piss them off. Damn, he was pissed. But as long as the sockhead and him are in this agreement, nobody will lay a finger on him. Including himself, dammit!

He turns into the parking lot before a sound is made. "Thank you." He parks and glances at the young man. He sees genuine gratitude shining in those eyes, a small smile playing on thin lips. His anger dissolves. The redhead supposes it's good for the dork to be standing up for himself. Even if it does make him crazy. "No problem, Double D." They get out of the car, him locking it after them. He sees the younger male fidget. He sighs.

"What?" The dork's head jerks up and blushes. "Oh, well, um, y-you said that normal couples, um... well, they... oh, dear..." Kevin studies Double D's fidgeting hands. They keep interlacing, almost like they were- oh. Now he gets it. With a grunt, he takes one of the black-haired male's hands and leads him to the only building they share: science.

Kevin was honestly in a pickle. He doesn't remember at all where the dork's class is. And he can't stop leading, either. That would look kinda bad. But he's never lead in the whole hand-holding-in-hallway gig; it was always the girl's job. He is so screwed.

Whilst walking and hearing the buzz of gossip spread like wildfire, Kevin is trying to not panic. His friends are gonna hear about this, his physics class is going to be hell, everyone is gonna pester him about why he is dating a dork, let alone one of the Eds. He is never going to be able to date Nazz after this... fuck this. He's Kevin fucking Barr. He can pull this off. Whilst shoving his anxiety into a box, he didn't notice when they miraculously arrived at their correct destination. Huh. When did that happen? Whatever.

Double D wonders what is going through Kevin's head at the moment, because the man's visage looked quite stressed, then just suddenly flattens out into a determined frown. Frowning slightly at what that could have been about, he releases Kevin's hand, mentally taking note of the other's grip.

It's so firm and reliable...

The black-haired male smiles shyly up at the red-head. "Thank you for walking me to class, Kevin." The slightly taller male blinks and gently smirks. "No problem. I'll see you after for lunch, alright?" Double D blinks in slight surprise. "Alright. Do you wish to meet at the Eatery?" Kevin shakes his head. "Nah, I'll meet you here. Don't wanna look like a bad boyfriend, right?" The blue-eyed genius' smile grows bigger. "Very well, then."

Suddenly, warm, sturdy arms encircle his midsection. Instinctively, he clutches the green cloth in front of his face. He feels warm breath ghost down past his ear. "See you later," Kevin murmurs into said ear. A blush creeps onto Double D's face, heart beating wildly against his ribs, as he mumbles into the athlete's chest, "Y-yes, you as well."

And with that, the embrace is gone, and Kevin is already halfway down the hallway.

Chapter Text

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 4

Double D could barely concentrate in Myrmecology; for some reason, learning what organs were inside an army ant and their functions were found boring. And this went on for an hour and a half. He barely retained usable notes, and even doodled in the corners! The horror! The disrespect! He almost even forgot to turn in the essay he had done last Friday! What was wrong with him?!

He sighs as the class is finally over, placing his notebook and pencil back into his neatly organized backpack. He stands up and goes to the teacher. He supposes he must apologize for his horrid behavior in class. It's the least he could do.

Ms. Heroche was quite an entertaining teacher. Only a decade older than him, she was easily the science department's favorite. Brown hair always up in a soft bun, red, square glasses, and an hourglass figure that was always in flowing garments, it was no wonder why she was the male favorite. She was quite attractive physically, but it turns out her humor and intelligence were what attracted the females to her. Quite easy to talk to and made anything sound interesting, Double D felt quite remorseful in his lack of attention.

"Ms. Heroche?" She turns to him. "Yes, Edd? Did you wish to discuss something I missed?" He shakes his head, blushing in embarrassment. "I-erm, I must apologize, actually." She raises a perfectly groomed and arched eyebrow at him. "About your lack of attention in class today?" His eyes widen as he flinches. "Y-yes, I am terribly sorry for that. I honestly don't know where my head was at..."

And to his surprise, she laughs. "It's no trouble, Edd. I was once young, too. It can be hard for someone to openly date someone on their first day out of the closet." His jaw drops to the floor in shock. "H-how?!" She pats him on his hat-covered head. "Gay-dar." He gives her a look.

"...Pardon my disrespect, Ms. Heroche, but you know I do not believe in such nonsense as that." She rolls her eyes at him. "Fine, instinct, then. That, and rumors travel fast in a small college such as this." He blushes slightly. Of course. The one thing he was actually counting on to avoid having to talk to people about his... orientation.

"...Edd, you know if you have any problems, you can come talk to me, alright?" He looks up at her moss green eyes, slightly obscured by her glasses, and nods. She grins. "Good! Now skedadle. You need food." Smiling softly, he leaves. And runs headfirst into Kevin's chest.

"Oof!" Strong arms wrap around him to stop the blue-eyed genius from falling to the hard tile. "Geez, Double D. Didn't think you were a klutz." Cerulean eyes looked into forest green in surprise. "O-oh, I'm so sorry, Kevin. I didn't see you there." His hand is taken into a slightly larger, warmer, firmer one as Kevin smirks lightly down at him. "It's alright. Kinda cute."

Kevin watches his boyfriend's face go red at his comment. He doesn't know why he said that, but he is enjoying the results. The red-head chuckles as the little nerd sputters out something that sounded something like, "I'm not cute!" The smirk on his face growing into a grin, he just leads his boyfriend to the building that housed the Eatery. This was being more fun than he thought.

Their college was a community college, which kinda made him wonder why the genius of the cul-de-sac was at such a lowly place. They guy should be at Harvard. Or Yale. Some big name joint. He knows why he is here. He'll ask in a minute, he supposes, as they make their way to the entrance of the Eatery. The Eatery consisted of a whole section for class scheduling, a large room for a set amount of people to eat and hang out in, a small school supply/book store, and a Taco Bell built into a corner.

He opens the door and enters. His shoulders stiffen. Most of his friends are there, eating and hanging out in the corner nearest the fast food restaurant. His grip tightens on the hand in it. A small gasp escapes the slighter male as he lets go of the hand- and doesn't panic, nope not at all- and wraps his arm around his boyfriend's waist. He forces his feet to head in their direction.

Silence greets the two as they move their way to his usual table. He feels their eyes boring into the back of his head, cold sweat dripping down the back of his neck. A gentle hand rests on his bicep and the athlete glances down. Two identical pools of understanding gaze back up at him. And just like that, his fear of being rejected by his peers is gone, replaced by relief that someone would be there, even if it was just Double Dork. Besides, he supposes, with him being Kevin freaking Barr, he might make this gay thing a trend or something. Bright side, bright side. Don't panic, don't panic. Shake it off, shake it off. Heh.

Kevin sits in the hard plastic chair, tossing his backpack into a chair nearby as the sockhead places his on the circular table, opening it to retrieve a lunch box. The once-bully then waits until the genius is ready to sit, then he grabs him by the waist and makes him sit on his lap, like he would his usual girlfriends.Gotta keep it legit-looking. What he didn't expect was a thwack to the shoulder and the blue-eyed male removing himself.

"Kevin! Please restrain yourself!" He blinks at the flustered male who finally seats himself beside him, opening the lunch box of healthy food. The hell did he do wrong? The dork glances at him and sighs. "I will not be like your usual game, Kevin. If you want me someplace, you must ask, and respect my decision, even if it isn't the one you wished." The red-head nods in understanding. Ah. Ask before touching. Gotcha.

"Sorry, man. Habit." He reaches into his backpack for his wallet. He didn't have time to get something for lunch, since he skipped breakfast, so he was gonna grab some Taco Bell. He gets up. "Gonna hit the Taco Bell. You wanna come with?" he asks, glancing around the whispering mass. Double D smiles up at him. "Fear not, I will be fine for a few minutes." Kevin nods and, hesitantly, places a kiss to the shorter male's head. He quickly turns away, fighting the urge to rub at his lips. Repeatedly. Urgh. But, after glancing around, it seems that his little stunt has sealed the deal with people thinking he and the dork were an item. Bonus, since the guy's blushing furiously.

He turns away from the blushing man, and heads to the Tex-Mex restaurant. He ignores the eyes that follow him. But as he reaches the end of the large room, his curiosity peaks. How did the dork realize his attraction to men? All he's ever seen Double D do (aside from being chased by the kids of the cul-de-sac for a failed scam and running from the Kankers,) was create incredible things out of someone's trash and cardboard, or cleaning up Eddy's mess. And since the slimmer male was a genius, he can only imagine his spare time- if he had any- was kept busy with homework assignments and him doing science-y stuff. So, why didn't he wait to come out until after college?

So deep in his thoughts, the red-head doesn't notice the swarm that descends upon the little dork.

Chapter Text

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 5

Sapphire Eyes widen at the sudden crowd that swarmed around Double D's seat. Three women have somehow crammed themselves onto Kevin's seat, two men have slammed their hands onto the table and are leaning over it, and Nathan Goldberg has occupied the seat next to the sockhead with a knowing smirk on his face. And that's all the young genius can make out amongst the masses.

Voices were chaotic and loud, overlapping each other in trying to be heard, causing Edd's ears to ring annoyingly. Patience slipping, he fumbles around in his back and pulls out a megaphone and noise cancelling headphones. He places the headphones on his head and turns on the amplifier. He watches as the crowd flinches simultaneously, covering their ears over the screech he knows the megaphone has created. He turns off the device and yanks the headphones down.

"Attention, please. One at a time. And as manners state, ladies first." He gestures towards the three generic cheerleaders. They ask in sync, "Is it true?!" He slowly blinks at them. "Clarification?" The females slowly blink at him. He sighs irritably. "Is what true?" The girls suddenly launch into conversation, "That you and Kevin had a one night stand some months ago, and you used some of his DNA to create a test tube baby and are using it as a bargaining chip to stake claim on him if he ever wants to see his child!"

The pale man's mouth drops slightly in shock. Which widens into a smile. Then a laugh escapes. And grows into guffaws. He falls to the floor, tears gathering in his eyes. He bangs a fist onto the tile, the other holding his ribs. His body shakes from the onslaught, he has never heard of something so preposterous!

"Aha, hehehe, that.... is ahahaha, rid-icul-ous! Gahahahaha!" he rolls onto his back, barely even registering the millions and millions of germs that have converged onto the tile floor. His laughter dies down slowly, as he gingerly raises himself, his hands instinctively heading for the hand sanitizer in his bag. After applying a copious amount to every available piece of skin, he turns towards the girls. "Ahem, I'm sorry for such rude behavior, but that is not the case. Yes, Kevin and I are dating, but no, I did not blackmail him with some, ahehehehe, 'test tube baby,' as you put it. I simply asked."

While the girls either start pouting or making "aw" expressions at him, the men at the table weren't so easily swayed. "So, what you asked Kev and he said yes? To a nerdy faggot?" one of the larger males asks in disbelief. Ice blue eyes look into grey ones despondently. "Yes, he did. I gave him the option of 'date me' or 'not date me.' He chose to say yes. I did not make him. And this 'nerdy faggot,' as you so put it, might be your boss one day. Or your killer. Honestly, my emotion range could very well turn me into a psychotic killer, and nobody would know. So I would suggest you hold your tongue, sir. Lest you wish to end up under a hydrangea bush."

Silence eminates from the table. Some of the males back off in surprise, and slight fear. Others close in, small glints in their eyes, Nathan included. "So then, Double D, have you and Kev done the do?" The remaining men, as well as the women, lean in. Edd feels a blush bloom on his face. "Heavens, no! Er, not that I wouldn't like to, seeing as I am dating him after all, but then again, we just started dating and I believe that, erm, slow is the way to go, and, er, I wouldn't want to pressure him into anything he wasn't comfortable with, and I, ugh...."

He grabs the end of his hat and pulls it over his bright red face. Him and Kevin?! Doing sexual intercourse?!? Oh, it would be vile, disgusting, FILTHY even~! Kevin would probably have him against the wall- the germs! Their clothes would be discarded on the stairs! Their saliva would intermingle in places that probably should never~! Urgh, WHY is the thought turning him on??!

"Knock it off, you guys. Making him blush is my thing." Double D peeks up from under his hat to see Kevin with a bag of fast food in hand. The crowd then descends on him, but he bats them off without blinking an eye. The redhead sits beside his boyfriend and pulls out some food. The man looks up at the crowd still lingering around their table. "I said get lost!" Edd blinks at the green-eyed male beside him as the mob of people dissipate in awe. "I must know how you do that." Forest green meets ocean blue. Kevin shrugs. "I just show that they can't push me around." Small shoulders slump at the simple answer as the pale male watches his boyfriend eats his burrito.

"....You know, if you want a bite, you can just ask. You don't have to stare at me." A blush dusts pale cheeks in embarassment. "No, thank you. I just simply wonder at you." The slightly larger male looks at him. "About what?" Eddward glances down at the messy meal. "Well, how you can eat that, for one." Kevin looks down at his food. "What, you've never had a burrito before?" Double D scoffs. "Of course I have had one. I simply like them homemade." The athlete looks at him critically. The slighter male's heart starts skipping. Why is Kevin studying him? "...You've never had Taco Bell." Blue eyes blink in surprise." Um, that's correct. To be perfectly honest, I haven't had any fast food products, aside from jawbreakers."

Kevin drops his burrito. Did he just hear that? The dork has never gone to McDonald's or Burger King or Arby's or anything?! He stares at his boyfriend in awe and slight pity. He knew the genius' parents were control freaks, but this? "Well, I know how we can entertain ourselves for the next two weeks." Blue eyes look at him expectingly. "Oh really? Let me guess: you will take me to a fast food restaurant and have me try it?" Green eyes blink in surprise. Was he that obvious? "Uh, well, yeah." A snort escapes the younger male. "It's a choice. I CHOSE not to have those fattening foods. Why would I suddenly decide to try them now? Because I'm dating you?" A stab of annoyance hits Kevin. "Oh, right, you're too high and mighty for such lowly food." A guilty look flashes onto his boyfriend's face. "...I apologize. I shouldn't judge something I myself haven't tried, right? Of course, statistics show-"

At this point, Kevin picks up the remainder of his burrito and shoves it into his companion's mouth. He smirks as those blue eyes widen in surprise and watches him bite down on the Tex-Mex food. He sees the nerd slowly chew, a look of bliss on his face. He fights back a chuckle. It's kind of funny to see the almighty dork be humbled. After the little nerd swallows and licks his lips clean of red sauce, he turns to him with awe and wander in his eyes.

"Kevin?"

"Yeah?"

"What was that delicious combination you haphazardly stuffed into my orifice?"

"If you're asking what you just ate, that was a Taco Bell burrito. I like mine with no onions, and extra cheese and red sauce. And by the look on your face, I'd say you liked it."

"...Perhaps I could be persuaded to try other fast food. Only by your recommendation, of course."

Kevin smirks. "Of course. Tomorrow we can get you the true Taco Bell experience. Today you have your homemade lunch. Wednesday we can hit the Wendy's across the street, and so on. Cool?" A small smile escapes the smaller male.

"Quite."

They quickly finish their lunches (Double D's was a cucumber sandwich with a wedge of cheese and an apple,) and Kevin took his hand and lead him towards the building he vaguely remembers as being the dork's next class. While his little boyfriend has history, he on the other hand has math, which is in another building, but at least they will be done for the day. Surprisingly, he is enjoying the smaller male's company. They haven't talked much, not having any idea what subjects they'd both enjoy, but the silence has never been awkward. And whenever Kevin does talk to him, it's mainly to tease the young genius and make the man blush. The athlete can't help it; it's so funny!

And temporary, a small voice in his head supplies. He frowns and shakes his head slightly, concentrating on the equation on the whiteboard. He can barely make heads or tails of it, but it's gotta be solved by Thursday (and no cheating, but honestly, he doesn't even know what formula you need to solve the damn thing,) so maybe he can ask his dorky boyfriend for help. He grimaces. Though that would mean breaking his first rule: not being seen in the cul-de-sac together.

Personally, he could give a rat's left nut what the other kids would think- except Nazz, Rolf and Eddy. Eddy only because he would rather avoid a confrontation. And dating the brains of the Eds- even pretending- would definately cause for dealing with the shortest. He doesn't want Nazz to know, 'cuz he was actually wanting to try dating her again after she came back from some university in California. And Rolf... well, he doesn't know how the foreigner would react. And if it was violent... yeah. He'd rather not.

Sighing in resignition, he gives up on the equation for now and packs up. He gives a nod to his teacher upon leaving the classroom, heading back towards Double Dork's class. He is stopped by an irritated Nathan. Kevin raises an eyebrow at the teal-colored male. "Sup, man?"

"What the hell, dude?! You reject my sexy ass and advances for years- years, man! And when I accept myself in being in the friend zone, and move on to cuter prey, you swoop in and snatch it from me?!" Kevin gives him an irritated glare.

"The hell you talking about?"

"Double Delicious! You told me you don't swing that way, yet HERE WE ARE, you tapping that sweet ass! Before the Ass King! How dare you, sirrah!"

"You're getting to that weird place again, dude." Kevin looks around to see if anyone could possibly be eavesdropping. "...look, dude, it's not what you think. I'm just..." the red head looks around, making sure they were alone.

"...Tell anyone and I swear I'll end you. But... me and Double D?" Nat nods, leaning closer, "Yes...?"

Kevin inhales slowly. He can trust Nat, right? Besides, the guy'll probably be barking up the dork's tree later, anyway.

"It ain't real. He's using me as a shield from the bullies, and I get a bike out of it."

The teal-haired's face quickly draws to a blank. Kevin tries not to grimace.

"...pretend."

"Yeah."

"Pretending. To be. Gay."

"...Yeah."

"...For a bike."

Kevin feels sweat start to run down his neck. Would Nat, an openly bisexual, be offended?

"That's.... HILARIOUS!"

And the idiot starts laughing his ass off. Kevin shouldn't have worried. Asshole. "Dude, dude, don't get me wrong, this is highly insulting. But trying to see you be gay is going to be funny as shit! How long are you two doing this?"

Kevin shrugs, "The dork said two weeks, so... yeah. After that, he's all yours." Nat frowns slightly at that. "But why didn't he come to me?" Kevin shrugs again. "I dunno. He just told me I fit the bill. And had the bribe at the ready. So, here I am."

Nat's grin is back in place. "Alright then. The King of Butts shall conquer Double Delicious- after your little charade."
Kevin nods. "Cool. Just remember to not tell anybody." And with that, he trots off.

Nathan's grin grows malicious, "Oh, don't worry. I won't tell anybody."

Chapter Text

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 6

Kevin leans against the wall outside the door of his boyfriend's class, glowering at the floor. Is he going to regret blabbing to the self-proclaimed King of Butts? He's not sure, but he's got a bad feeling about it. The red-headed male chews on his thumbnail while he waits on the dork. He decides to put the worry onto the back burner and start worrying about his homework.

How is he going to solve that damn math equation? Even a slight mishap could cost him his whole semester. And like Hell he paid $1500 for a wasted semester. He had to sell his baby, his 1990 Harley, to get into this stupid school. No way in hell is that going to be tossed down the drain by some stupid math. The athlete sighs. He's got no choice. He has to ask Double Dork for help on his homework, Eddy or no.

He jerks back into the land of the living when the classroom door opens, signalling the end of the class. Finally. He waits impatiently, glancing around the nerds and geeks, trying to spot his sockheaded boyfriend. The larger male spots it, bouncing around the combed and gelled hair of the others surrounding it. Happily surprised blue eyes meet his and suddenly, all his paranoia and annoyance just melts away, leaving him slightly bemused. Does Double D have this effect on everybody?

"Salutations, Kevin! How was your math class?"

He gently smirks down at the younger male, arm wrapping itself around his boyfriend's waist.

"Eh, no big deal. C'mon, I'll take you home."

A gap-toothed smile is his reward. He can practically feel his paranoia slide off of him. Huh.

"Thank you, Kevin. I am ready to go whenever you are."

"...Choice."

Tucking the nerd under his arm, the athlete makes his way to his car, surprised that his fake boyfriend fits so comfortably at his side. His previous thoughts return to him like a bolt of lightning. The tanner male guides the slimmer man to his Mustang, unlocks it, and opens the door for him, avoiding eye contact with every person out in the parking lot. He shuts the car door and hurdles himself into the driving seat. The machine roars to life and the pair head back to their sleepy little neighborhood.

The silence in the car is comfortable, but as much as Kevin wishes he didn't have to break it, his curiosity is getting the better of him.

"So, how did you... you know... figure out you liked guys?"

Double D turns to him in surprise. Why would Kevin care? Or want to know? His lips part slightly in thought. A small voice in his head hopes that Kevin asking means that the jock might be feeling something towards him, but is immediately squished. The logical side of his brain tells him that the athlete is more than likely confused about his own sexuality, and is using him as a possible reference. Accepting that hypothesis as fact, the black-haired male lightly licks his lips before speaking.

"Actually, Kevin, I do believe it started back when you were blackmailing Eddy about his middle name."

The car swerves dangerously in between lanes. "GRACIOUS!" The redhead stares at him wide-eyed once they return to the correct lane- and after Double D stopped having a heart attack.

"Seriously, man? Back then? ...When Eddy kissed you?"

The young genius nods, then shakes his head.

"But not in the way that you think. Yes, Eddy kissed me, and yes, I freaked out. But it was more because of the germs and the fact that the person who kissed me was Eddy, not the fact that the person was male or female. I honestly hadn't thought about it until we hit middle school."

Kevin raises an eyebrow at him. The blue-eyed man resists the urge to roll said eyes.

"What happened in middle school?"

Double D blinks at him.

"Why, we were accepted. To a point. We weren't bullied as much, and we had friends that weren't just the Eds. And... Jimmy."

The athlete looks at him in confusion.

"Jimmy?!"

The brains of the Eds nods sagely.

"Precisely. Everyone assumed he was going to become either homosexual or metrosexual, myself included, I'm afraid. So, I had decided to dig up some research and graphs to help educate and prepare the poor fellow... it turned out that a drawing of two men kissing had gotten me... well... a little hot and bothered, to be brief."

"...huh."

A blush creeps up onto pale cheeks as the slimmer man turns to look out the window, to hide his embarrassment, even though his rambling could not be stopped.

"I've been denying it for years, thinking Eddy would leave me, or confusing poor Ed, and simply not believing it... as if I wasn't enough of an outcast, you know?"

Edd glances at the jock, seeing the stony expression. He turns away again, his thoughts becoming a bit too macabre for a Monday.

"No, of course you don't."

The next ten minutes seemed to take forever, but finally the genius couldn't take it anymore.

"...Kevin, may I ask you a personal question?"

A grunt of acknowledgement is all he receives. He cringes, fear clenching into his spine; did he make the man mad? He hopes not, else wise this was going to be a very long two weeks. Pulling some determination he usually reserves for his best friend's ranting, he asks.

"Why are you here?"

"...Uh, 'cuz I want the Eagle."

Edd mentally slaps himself.

"Er, no, I mean... Frutare University. If memory serves correctly, you had received a full ride scholarship at... Notre Dame, I believe?"

And just like that, the depressing atmosphere transforms into a whirlwind of tension.

"Oh. That. I did. Went there for a full semester. But, first game of the season, first play, and my offense collapses. I get sacked. Tackled by two big guys. One of them shatters my hip."

A small gasp escapes the genius. His hip was shattered? On his debut? That's a career-ender.

"Kevin..."

"Insurance got it replaced. But by the time I had gotten better and ready to go, the team had replaced me, the school allowed me to finish the semester. But if I wanted to stay, I had to pay my own way, or prove that I could still play."

Edd tilts his head slightly.

"So then, why didn't you prove to them that you were fully healed?"

Tan hands grip the steering wheel tightly. Ice blue eyes widen.

"You weren't fully healed. You still aren't. Correct?"

A quick jerk of the head is his answer. He gasps in horror.

"But Kevin! You- you- y-you sucker-punched Goodman this morning! Like it was nothing! How are you still healing?"

Kevin looks at the spazzing dork sitting next to him. It was actually kind of comical, seeing the guy all flustered. The tension in the car dissipitates.

"Ah, well, didn't find out til too late, but the guy who attached my leg to the fake hip? Yeah, he didn't screw it in right. So if ya look closely when I walk, I got this limp."

The redhead bites back a snicker at the expression on the dork's face. He can't tell if it's mortification, or fury. Possibly a bit of both. But hell, it's hilarious. He smirks.

"So, here I am, doing my backup plan."

Those big blues look at him curiously. Huh. He's actually interested?

"Your backup plan? May I ask what that pretails?"

He shrugs at the shorter male.

"Eh, sure, why not? I plan on being a mechanic. Anything with an engine, I want to be able to fix it. Mostly cars, though."

A small smile sits on the pale face of his companion, his expression quite... soft.

"Well, Kevin, I truly am sorry about your hip, but... I am proud that you are here."

He feels heat rush to his face. Noone's ever been proud of him for losing his scholarship... Hell, HE ain't proud of it. But having the local genius be proud of him sparks something inside him. A small bit of kindredship? Maybe, he doesn't really want to delve into it right now, so he changes the subject.

"What about you? I thought you'd be a professor at an Ivy League college by now. What are ya doing at the local community?"

Those blue eyes widen even farther. How wide can they get, he wonders.

"...That is quite a long-and painful- story. Perhaps I could tell you tomorrow, since we are only minutes away from the cul-de-sac?"

Kevin thinks. Well, better now than never.

"...Only on some conditions. Alright, I'm knocking out my first rule of not being seen together at home. So- in exchange- tonight you come over and help me with my math. Tomorrow, I come over and I can judge your cooking skills. See if you actually have a reason to not like fast food."

A thin black eyebrow is raised haughtily.

"Very well. Anything you are allergic to?"

The athlete shakes his head.

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Excellent."

Kevin pulls into his boyfriend's driveway, watching the slighter male exit the car. He cocks his head to the side slightly. Is it just him, or did the dork twitch there for a second? He shakes his head to the side as he tells the dork to head over around six thirty. The sockhead agrees as he simply puts the automobile into reverse and- using his mad driving skills- backs the car into his own driveway across the street.

The athlete sprints inside, panic starting to rise in his gut. He just invited his fake boyfriend- technically boss- who has the worst case of OCD this side of the nut house, over to help him with his homework. He glances around his house, the place obviously being taken care of by two men. Dust was everywhere; used dishes climbed the sink and end tables; dirty clothes were littered artistically around the whole place. In his little meltdown, the young man can only think of one sentence to say.

"I'm doomed."

Chapter Text

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 7

Kevin scrambles to get all the dishes in the sink, nearly making them shatter in his haste. Panting slightly, he practically sprints out of the kitchen, slamming the door to it shut. His green eyes dart around the living area, counting all the bits of laundry that lay scattered about. He groans slightly; there's too many to just pick up by hand. He dashes down the hallway and up the stairs, using his door frame as an anchor to pivot into his bedroom. The redhead barely spots the pitiful laundry basket, teeming with his own pile of dirty clothing. The athlete winces, but picks up the basket and upends it, dropping the articles of fabric onto his bedroom floor.

Blue plastic basket in hand, the jock races down the stairs, taking the steps two at a time. He lands on the last one wrong, however, sending sharp stabs of pain up his leg into his hip.

"Argh!"

Kevin collapses, dropping the laundry basket, both hands gripping his left hip. He curses a blue streak, struggling to see through the pain. It's times like this when he HATES being handicapped. The young man struggles to his knees, then to his feet, breathing laboriously, feeling the agony eventually pass. A tanned hand scrubs his lightly freckled face, ridding it of the cold sweat that had formed on his brow.

Glancing at the discarded basket, Kevin sighs and carefully picks it up. Gingerly, he moves around, picking up the articles of clothing (mostly socks and underwear,) not daring to check the time. After finally collecting them all, he quietly heads for the laundry room, which is just past his old man's bedroom. He loves his dad, don't get him wrong, but ever since the surgery, Nicholas Barr has been like an overprotective mother bear, wanting him to use a cane to "make it easier for your hip," like he was a frail old man or something. Like hell Kevin Barr is going to use some stupid-

The doorbell rings. Eyes widening, he glances at the clock in the laundry room. It was exactly 6:30 on the dot. How did it get so late? He cracks his neck and strides to the front door, not once letting himself limp or acknowledge the slivers of pain needling into his hip. He opens the door to find the dork, freshly changed into a more casual t-shirt and jeans, with a shy smile on his face. His hands were holding what appeared to be a text book. Oh, right, math.

"Greetings, Kevin. Are you ready for our study session?" The red head swallows thickly and gives a jerky nod, letting the smaller male inside. A pleasant scent wafts into his nose as the raven passes. Smells kinda fruity. "What's that smell?" he asks before thinking. Blue eyes turn to him in question.

"Pardon?"

"Uh, nothing. Yeah, um, have a seat."

The dork narrows his gaze but shrugs. The slimmer male seats himself on the edge of the couch, setting the math book on the coffee table. Kevin settles himself on the armchair, silently congratulating himself on not wincing. Double D flips through the math book, not glancing up at him. Ginger brows furrow. What now?

"...Kevin, do you have your math homework at the ready?"

Oh. Whoops.

Feeling his cheeks tinge pink in embarrassment, he shrugs his shoulders.

"Eh, kinda. It was just one equation, and I got it written... somewhere..."

The redhead starts checking his pockets. He knows he wrote it on something, now where did he...? Aha! He pulls out a piece of paper, crinkled to hell and back from its rough handling. Grinning sheepishly, he hands the piece over to the blue-eyed male, who nearly snatches it from him. The dork unfurls the paper and grimaces.

"Ah, yes. I remember this equation. Tell me, which formula is your professor wanting you to use to solve it?"

Kevin rubs the back of his neck, feeling really stupid.

"Uh, I got no clue."

Double D sighs in exasperation.

"Of course. You're lucky Eddy had a similar problem with formulas in high school. Also lucky for you, this particular equation is used for three major lessons. And since we are only in our fall semester- you won't see one until closer to your finals, and the other until spring- we shall go with this one."

The young genius points to a formula in the text. Kevin groans inwardly. He should have known that the dork would make him understand and solve the problem on his own instead of just giving him the answer. The guy's too much of a goodie-two-shoes like that. Kevin just nods, accepting his fate.

"Right."

His partner grins, his gap in his teeth showing. Huh. That's... kinda cute. In a puppy-dog kind of way. Why doesn't the dork smile more?

"Splendid! Now, here's a sheet of paper and a pencil. If you don't mind, I will be acquainting myself with your kitchenette and scavenge for a thought-stimulating snack and beverage."

Green eyes shoot up in alarm.

"What?"

But it was too late; Edd had already opened the door to the kitchen- how'd he get across the room so fast and so quietly?

"...Oh dear LORD!"

Kevin winces, jumping to his feet, feeling a lecture coming on. He's had them before; Naz has nagged his ear to near deaf if she has a really good reason. Tan ears capture the sound of movement coming from down the hallway and he groans. His father's awake. And sounds like he's...coming out of his room, oh shit. The athlete glances at the nerd, who has turned around, horror and fury evident on his face. And that's when Nick Barr decides to enter the room.

"What the hell is all the rukus, Kev?"

"Pardon me, sir, but you are Kevin's father? Nice to meet you, I am Eddward Vincent. I live next door. And, again, I do pardon, but THIS is NOT how a human being LIVES!"

Now, his father is about the same height as him, maybe a couple of inches shorter, and a hell of a lot wider. No, his dad isn't fat; he just did heavy weightlifting in college. And having this smaller, slimmer, almost cherub-looking male start screeching at his old man would have been comical; if it wasn't directed at him also. Honestly, he was kind of shocked that the dork had a set of lungs on him. This wasn't like ANY of the other lectures he's ever gotten. He-and it looks like his own dad too, for that matter- were getting pretty scared.

"I understand college is hard and work is an uphill battle, but we DO NOT leave dishes in the SINK for- well it appears to have been- TEN DAYS! Do you not think of the GERMS?! What do you EAT off of then?! THINK- those plates have to touch FOOD that goes into your MOUTH! That SILVERWARE goes into- guess what?- your MOUTH! I will set aside the dust, and maybe the vacuuming, and even the reflective surfaces being highly smudged, but GRACIOUS!"

Kevin and his dad stand there, mouths slightly agape. He doesn't even know where to begin. He and his dad are stunned speechless and are getting told off like they're ten. Both males flinch when a pale index finger is pointed at them.

"Mr. Barr! I would GREATLY appreciate those counters being cleared. Kevin. PLEASE give me an inventory of your cleaning supplies. We are about to get busy."

The two nearly trip over themselves in their haste.

"Urgh, why won't this crap come off?!"

Kevin curses as he scrubs at a plate. It had some sort of sauce on it, but it dried out and is now acting like cement. A gentle touch places itself on his bicep.

"Add some more soap and hot water, Kevin. Let that one soak a bit."

The redhead sighs but nods and does as directed. Funny how in their youth, just looking at the dork would have sent him trembling in fear. Now, it's nearly reversed. And he's only "dated" the younger male for a day! Granted, it was interesting to see the pale man go visibly red with fury, but mayhap next time not directed at him? And at least he's just doing dishes; his old man has been shucked with the task of cleaning the counters, the items that sit on said counters, the cabinets, the microwave (inside included,) and is currently taking the stove apart to clean each piece. Scary, on how Double D actually knew how to do that, and effortlessly.

He mentally groans, though. The green-eyed man has been taking his time with these dishes, because after that, he has to clean the baseboards and the floor. Those damn baseboards were another lecture. He could swear on his hat that his ears were burning. Apparently, at one point, they were white instead of a woodsy brown like he thought. Who knew?

"Oh drat; that's the last clean washcloth. Not to worry, I will check your laundry room."

Two heads snap up in a panic.

"No!"

"Nicholas and Kevin BARR!"

Two tanned bodies collapse onto a clean couch, exhausted. The little neighbor from next door put them through the mill. Shockingly, the three of them had managed to super-clean his house in five and a half hours. The grandfather clock in the corner chimes twelve thirty in the morning. He's got to hand it to the dork- he can be fiesty and stubborn. He can respect that.

"Well, gentlemen, I believe I have overstayed my welcome. It was nice meeting you, Nicholas."

He doesn't know how he does it, but Kevin watches his dad find some energy to get up and shake the tyrant's- er, he means... eh, fuck it- hand.

"You as well, Edd. You clean like the devil, you know that?"

And to his surprise, the dork giggles.

"I have been told that. Have a good night. I shall see you tomorrow, Kevin."

Said male just nods as the smaller being finally leaves. His father locks the door. They stay there in silence. Which his father breaks after some minutes.

"Son?"

"...yeah, Dad?"

Grey eyes shift everywhere, not looking at him. Actually, his old man looks very uncomfortable. Oh,great. Must be bad news, or something like never bringing the dork over here ever again. He hopes it's the latter. Because he can get fully on board with that.

"...What, er... What's that boy to you?"

Kevin blinks slowly, not sure if it's sleep deprivation or if his old man is losing it.

"Huh?"

"Like, is he just a studying partner? A friend? Some... fling?"

Green eyes widen in understanding. Oh god, his dad's trying to place the dork in his life.

"Man, dad, nothing like that. I was kind of a jerk to him when we were kids, and, I dunno, he seems..."

Like he has an interesting past, and an even more interesting prize? His mind supplies. The tired youth frowns slightly. He's not that shallow... is he?

"Son, if you are playing friends with that boy out of guilt, stop it right now. If you're seeing if your ruler bends with him, go for it."

Kevin can almost feel his jaw hit the floor in shock.

"What?!"

Automatically, his old man's hand shoot up in surrender.

"Hey, I was young once."

Immediately, Kevin's hands are over his ears.

"I'm not hearing this."

"Alright, fine. Just marry the kid."

"The fuck, dad?!"

"I'm serious, boy. That kid'll make a damn good housewife. I don't think even your mother has talked me to shreds like he did."

The younger man can almost see his eye twitching.

"...You do know he's a genius, right? He wouldn't be stuck at home."

"All the more reason to marry him. Think about it, son, 'cause if you aren't gonna, I'll try my hand at it."

Kevin-after taking a hot shower- finally collapses onto his bed. Him and the dork-married? Like hell. Hell, him married in general- like hell. But, he can see the dork being a Stepford housewife. He laughs tiredly at the image of the sockhead in an apron. It'd be funny to see. He drifts off to sleep, not even bothering getting under the covers.

Edd collapses in his foyer, looking at his cold, empty house despondently. He glances longingly at the stairs, just wanting a shower and then to go to bed, but alas, he has work to do. The sockhead shuffles to the kitchen, making inventory in the pantry and fridge, planning on tomorrow's dinner. It would have to be filling, yet a bit showy. And fit for an athlete. Not like he'll eat much; he hasn't really eaten a "hearty" meal in years. He nods in acceptance at what is shown at him.

"That'll do," he murmurs to himself. Stumbling slightly, he heads down to the laundry room, wanting to wear his favorite white sweater on Wednesday. And after placing an exorbitant amount of soap and bleach, the pale man groans. Now he has to wait until the water heater fills again to have a shower. Grumbling in irritation, the young genius trudges back to the living room and-quite unlike himself- plops onto the pristine couch.

It was kind of fun, though, cleaning that atrocity of a house with the Barrs. And quick, too. Normally a job of that caliber would take at least a whole day. Though, to be fair, he could have been a bit less bossy. Sighing, the blue-eyed male rolls onto his back.

"Hmmn... day one wasn't to bad... Let's see what happens tomorrow..."

And with that thought, Edd finally succumbs to slumber.

Chapter Text

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 8
Cloudy blue eyes crack open at the burning light. The pale male grunts softly, shifting on the couch. He groans; his neck is stiff. Obviously from sleeping wrong. The genius' brain catches up to him. Gracious! He slept on the couch! What time is it? Eyes snapping open in alarm, he gasps, looking at the clock. It's seven thirty. He has two hours to do his morning chores, get ready for work, AND get dinner thawing. After hurdling himself off the couch, the blue-eyed man makes a mad dash to the laundry room, rotating the load of Blues from the dryer and the Oranges from the washer. Strange, though, he could have sworn it was a different color in there....

Quickly folding the dried Blues, he plucks out a cobalt blue button down, and nearly sprints to his bedroom. The sockhead carefully places the shirt onto the chair and grabs a pair of black slacks from his closet, almost carelessly tossing that on top of the shirt. He does his best not to wince at the future wrinkles he is causing, and instead throws open his chester drawer for socks and a clean pair of underwear. Nodding absentmindedly, the young genius snatches his bathing supplies, and mentally starts a timer. This shall be his quickest shower-ever.

He lied. The skinny lad couldn't fathom skipping his scrubbing. He would have gone crazy. He now has only forty five minutes. Trying not to panic, he shimmies into his pants, slips on his shirt, and- lord, he dared- goes downstairs with his socks in hand. After placing them with his work shoes, the gap-toothed male heads to the kitchen and nearly tears the refrigerator door off in his haste. Grimacing at what the smell will do to the house, he tosses a large bag of slightly frozen shrimp into his sink to thaw. The steak shall be fine in the fridge, he muses. He grabs an apple and starts walking to the door. Thirty minutes.

The blue-eyed genius bites into the apple while he wriggles his socks and shoes on, tying them tightly. He winces upon realizing he will have no time for him to vaccuum. And unfortunately, it won't be able to wait, since Kevin will be joining him that night. His fists clench at the thought of waiting until tomorrow to vaccuum. But he supposes he has no real choice in the matter, if he wishes to make it to work on time. After squeezing his eyes shut, he grabs his backpack, keys, and heads out the door, apple still in his mouth.

To nearly walk into Kevin, who was apparently waiting for him outside of his abode.

"Hey, watch it, Double D. You're gonna hurt yourself if you keep this up."

Double D blinks once. Then twice. He pulls the red fruit from his mouth. "Kevin? Good morning, but what are you doing here?" Kevin looks at him pointedly. "I'm taking you to school, remember? 'Cuz that's what couples do?" The genius could smack himself. "Oh, I'm sorry, Kevin, I forgot to mention. I have work on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the mornings before school." The redhead blinks. "Oh. Okay. I guess I can take you to work, since I'm already awake and here."

A wave of guilt washes over the sockhead. He didn't mean to make Kevin get up for no particular reason. "I'm sorry, Kevin."

Kevin looks at the dejected figure. "What's there to be sorry for?" Sad blue eyes look up at him with hope. "You're not mad? That you're up to take me someplace?" Kevin just shrugs his shoulders. "Eh, I was gonna be up anyway. Breakfast, ya know?" The smaller man nods sagely, as if Kevin just dropped a word of wisdom. It was kind of funny. "I most certainly do. Well, then, I shall accept your offer of a ride." Chuckling, they both hop in the car and drive off.

"So where do you work at, anyway? Knowing you, Double D, someplace like a library. Or a Museum," Kevin muses. To his surprise, the other male chuckles.
"Sadly, neither of the sort. Just like any other college student, I work in the food business. A high end cafe, I'll admit, but serving all the same." Kevin's eyebrows raise. Huh. Wasn't expecting that. Though, is it just him, or is the dork being... weird? He can't place it, but something is definately off about the genius. Eh, whatever.

"A cafe, huh? What's it called?"

"Oh. It's called The Crowned Royale." Kevin looks at his boyfriend (god, he has a boyfriend,) confused. "What, like the booze?" The sock head does this half shrug. "Sort of. The first owner was a bit obsessed with the drink, then his son took it over, and had apparently fallen in love with an actual royal, and had themed most of the restaurant after her. That man's cousin now owns it, and it's become a bit of a... well, I guess you could say, it's a bit slummy."

The red head bites back a snort. The dork works at a high-end dive? He's never heard of such a thing. After the sockhead gives him directions, they make it there in record time. Woah. The place looks like an old marble castle, complete with cracks in the pillars and peeling paint. Seems the blue-eyed man was right. He bets this place would look beautiful if some hard work was put to it, though he supposes with Double D working for them, it will be in no time.

"So, when do you get off? I'll come get you and we can hit Taco Bell before you go to class." Double D turns to Kevin, a small blush staining his cheeks. Ah, that almost sounded like a date. Mustn't fantasize, Eddward. "Two. And that sounds lovely, Kevin. I shall see you then, then." After hesitating, he grabs the larger male's hand and squeezes it before getting out of the car and heads towards his work. The sockhead hears the Mustang roar away, how, he doesn't know, for all the blood has rushed to his ears. His face is burning. Oh dear. He shouldn't have done that. That was quite intimate for them only having been a couple for a day and a few hours. After calming down, he heads inside to the back of the kitchen, grabs the server apron and sets to work.

He glances up from cleaning glasses to see Eddy walk through the door. The louder of the two hadn't changed much in appearance. Still shorter than average, and much stockier than most, the only real physical changes include more hair- everywhere, a scar on his chin from the Incident, and a hard look in his navy blue eyes. "Good morning, Eddy." A tired smirk is tossed his way. "Haven't had your coffee yet? That's surprising. I'll make a pot, shall I?" The shorter male gives him a grateful look as he places his cook apron upon himself. Double D smiles as he makes a pot of dark roasted coffee.

It was actually thanks to Eddy that he has this job now. The shorter man had found this place after his attempt to being a financial broker failed, and has made his omelettes famous in a surprisingly short amount of time. The sockhead has even heard about the owner wanting to give Eddy this place. He is happy that Eddy has found his passion at last. Granted, the man is still a bit obsessed with making money, but the stockier male likes making people happy with his cooking more. Needless to say, the skinnier man was impressed with his friend's progression. Starting as a dishwasher, to busboy, to vegetable cutter, to assistant cook, to head cook in less than seven months would be impressive to anybody.

The coffee maker dings and the sockhead pours the liquid lava into a clean cup. After making sure none spilled, he makes his way back into the kitchen to see Eddy cutting up vegetables. He hands the mug of java to his friend, then asks, "So, what is the specialty for today?" He sees his short friend think for a second, then pulls out a whiteboard from his pocket. He scribbles on it and turns it to him.

Omelette du Fromage Asiago. Garnished with an orange. Or a grape, haven't decided yet.

The young genius looks up from the writing, thinking. "Will there be some sort of meat involved with the omlette?" More scribbling ensues.

Ham, chicken or shrimp. Whatcha thinking, sockhead?

The taller male smiles at the nickname and bad grammar. Some things really don't change. "I'm thinking instead, a pineapple for the ham, a vine of grapes for the chicken, and an orange with the shrimp." The shorter man nods enthusiastically, more scribbling appears on the board.

Brilliant. Thanks, DD.

He smiles at the sentence. "Anytime, Eddy." And with that, the taller male heads to the chalkboard menu, and wipes off yesterday's "specialty" and replaces it with today's. He wipes down the bar tables with haste. They will open in twenty minutes. His eyes soften in sadness as he mentally tries to remember the last time Eddy physically talked. Right after the Incident, really. He mentally slaps himself. Shouldn't think about that, there's work to do. He hums a song he heard from the internet as he sets about to work.

Kevin yawns as he sits on the couch. Bored. He is so bored. The house is clean, Double Dork is at work, all of his friends are in class. All the television shows are reruns, and there's nothing new or interesting on the internet. So, yeah, there's nothing to do. The red head glances at the clock. 10:43. Urgh. Usually he would be asleep right now. His eyes slide to the shiny red textbook, sitting innocently on his coffee table. A ginger eyebrow twitches. He can almost hear the nagging voice of the dork, Kevin, you must do your homework. Blah, blah, blah.

I am proud that you're here...

Kevin sighs, shoulders slumping. Dammit. He knows he has to do that stupid math problem. He knows that he has to pass math to become a mechanic. And, dammit all, he knows it'll be a wasted time if he just wings it. Groaning, he drags the book closer to him, flipping it open to where the dork bookmarked the formula. Whelp, he shouldn't let a dork down, should he?

The redhead exhales sharply, feeling confident. It took him awhile to understand the formula, and he even did a couple of the examples first to make sure he did it right. But, now, the math problem is finished. And he's pretty damn sure it's correct. But, to be sure, he'll have Double Dork look at it. Speaking of... Kevin glances at the clock again and almost blanches. Ten til two. Fuck. Quickly, he grabs his wallet and keys, throws his shoes on, and is out the door.

The blue eyed male does his best to not pace in front of the cafe. While work wasn't completely stressful, it wasn't able to take away his doubts and fears about the whole charade. What if he and Kevin hate each other after this? What if they simply become friends? What if they become more than friends?! The genius shakes his head at the thought. Curse his hopeless romantic fantasies. No, he fears the worst- that he would fall for Kevin somehow, and the red head would abandon him. He sighs dejectedly; it was going to be a very long fortnight.

He feels the anxiety slide off him when he hears the unmistakable screech of tires turning too sharply. He turns to the road just in time for an acid green Mustang to slide to a stop right in front of him. The young genius sighs quietly in relief. Kevin didn't forget about him. Smiling softly, he heads towards the vehicle, and after waiting for the lock to be released, opens the door, and slides in.

"Greetings, Kevin. Thank you for coming to get me." The taller male smirks at him. Eddward tries to not blush; It would seem that Kevin gains a dimple when he smirks. It's oddly dazzling. "No problem. So, you ready for the Taco Bell experience?" At this, he grins.

"Without a doubt."

"Well, Double D, here we are. And just in time, too. Looks like the lunch rush just ended." Nodding stiffly, the young genius exits the car with trepidation. Kevin had driven to a tiny little building that seems it would barely fit ten people, let alone feed hundreds upon thousands of people daily. Not to mention the paint job was a bit gaudy and peeling in some places, and... well... it just simply looked loud. Maybe a bit filthy. Sighing heavily, he follows the redhead into the establishment. And is pleasantly surprised. For one, it was quiet, despite the loud colors outlining most of the furniture. And second, while not the cleanest, it certainly could have been worse. Only a couple bits of shredded cheese littered the floor and some of the tables adorned in the dining hall. And this is supposed to be after lunch rush! Impressive, to say the least.

He nearly gasps as he is grabbed by the arm and practically dragged to the line by the jock. Who is chuckling. "Jeez, Double D, didn't think the place would intimidate you that much." The blue eyed man feels himself pout slightly, feeling slightly embarrassed. "I'm not intimidated. I'm impressed. There's a difference." Casting him a dubious look, Kevin then gestures to the- LARGE- menu illuminated in front of the counter. "Okay then. Whaddya want?" His eyes widen as he feels his mouth fall open slightly in shock. That is a lot of choices to choose from. What would he want from here?! Well, he knows that burrito Kevin fed him yesterday was the first on the list, but anything else...? He has no clue.

Yep, he's intimidated, Kevin thinks as the younger male fidgets where he stands, not breaking eye contact with the menu at all. Oh. Right. Dork's never been here, so he's not going to know what to get. The red head steps up to the cashier. "Are you two ready to take your order?" asks the girl. Kevin nods, giving the dork a sideways glance. "Yeah. I need two bean burritos with no onions, extra cheese and red sauce. I need two hard tacos and two soft tacos,both with no lettuce and add sour cream. And... one chicken quesadilla. Oh, and two medium drinks." The girl smiles politely.

"Alrighty then. For here or to go?" Kevin motions here as the total comes up to almost twenty bucks. He grabs the cups and change, somehow finagling the receipt into his pocket. The taller male turns to give the dork his cup, and is startled. It would seem the sockhead is having some sort of meltdown, still staring at the menu. Feeling a slight ping of concern, he blocks the smaller man's line of sight. "Hey, Double D. You with me?" The sockhead shudders almost violently, then looks up at him. "Kevin? Is everything alright?" Kevin frowns slightly. "Uh, everything but you. The hell was that?" Which was apparently the wrong thing to say, since the man's voice raised an octave, his expression one of almost panic.

"What was what?! I-I have no idea what you're talking about!"

Snorting, Kevin rolls his eyes. "Whatever. You don't wanna talk about it. Here." Almost roughly, he hands the dork his cup and he heads to the drink dispenser. Annoyed, he shoves his cup to get the ice. What was that? Some sort of panic attack? He's not sure, but it's definately a secret. Kevin's frown deepens as his eyebrows furrow. Come to think of it, the expression almost looked like the dork wasn't even there. Like, his body was experiencing an anxiety attack, but his mind had left. One thing is for sure- something was wrong with the sockheaded dork.

Chapter Text

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 9

Double D can't bite back the moan of delight as he bites into the deliciousness of hot refried beans, melted cheese, and slightly spicy goodness. Oh, lord, what HAS he been missing all these years?? His homemade burritos simply can't compare. The sockhead can almost guaruntee it's the red sauce that's the secret.

"Geez, Double D, you're supposed to eat it, not make out with it."

A blush stains his cheeks as he glances over at his partner. Who is snickering at him. A warmth blooms in his chest. Kevin needs to laugh more. But not at him, he thinks, pouting.
"I am most certainly eating it. I am just simply enjoying it during the process." Green eyes roll at him as he sips his soda. "Whatever, man. Just quit moaning like that, alright? It's kinda obsene." The smaller male feels his face glow from embarrassment. Oh dear. He hadn't realized he was sounding so wanton. He glances back down at the burrito in his hands, the cheese and red sauce slowly oozing out of it. He swallows thickly. He will try to keep the sounds to a minimum, but this burrito will be eaten!

Kevin looks away from the dork. Jeez, one would think this was a bad porno, from how the sockhead is looking at the food. The redhead picks up his hard taco and starts munching on it, thinking back on what had happened earlier. So, yeah, that was some sort of episode. He's pretty sure that was some sort of anxiety attack. Which would fit the genius of the Eds, he supposes. Being friends with Eddy would give anyone anxiety. And he's pretty sure the male sitting from him is already neurotic. And has OCD like nobody's business. Yet, still. He can't put his finger on it just yet, but something is definately off about the sockhead. But, looking back at his childhood experiences, he really can't place what is wrong. The dork is still a dork, who hangs out with other dorks. He's super smart, likes to be clean, obviously has never had fast food a day in his life. The only thing he can think of is that the genius finally gained a sense of style. Which, stereotypically, could be placed under the gay aspect. So, nothing is out of place.

Thin lips frown as he chews the last bite. Maybe that's it? Nothing has changed about the dork, and that's what's wrong? That actually makes a lot of sense. The dork hasn't evolved. He still needs help from bullies, he still hangs out with the other Eds, and nobody really knows anything about him. If he's honest with himself, it almost feels like the Double D everybody sees is actually a giant ass wall hiding something. His eyes slide back to the sockhead in question. Ah, yeah, that's it. Looking at the genius now, his expressions are less guarded, the emotions flitting across his face feel more real. He knew the dork had something to hide, but he didn't realize how far he would go to hide it.

The redhead stares as his partner licks the red sauce off his fingers, who is obviously not caring how provogative the action is. A small blush stains tanned cheeks. The fuck, Double Dork?! Once the action is done, the sockhead looks at him blankly, eyes hooded and dilated. Almost as if in a trance. A small ball of lead settles into the pit of his stomach. Why is the dork giving him bedroom eyes?! But before he can panic, the spell is broken. The dork "awakens," as his eyes become wide and alert, his hands immediately grabbing some napkins to wipe off the saliva. And he seems to not even realize what he had done moments ago.

The genius glances up at him and giggles. Fucking giggles. The sound honestly throws Kevin for a loop. How in the hell does one look at someone with the eyes of... of... a lover, and then moments later giggle like a middle school girl?! Completely befuddled by the male opposite of him, he barks, "What?"

"Kevin, you have some sour cream on your face."

He stares at the genius with a mixture of confusion and awe. That's what's so funny? That he has some white shit on his fa- oh. The green-eyed man grimaces in distaste as he grabs a napkin. That could also explain the bedroom eyes. Double Dork could be a closet pervert, and had a really innappropriate thought about him and some... white stuff. Actually that makes a lot of freaking sense. The dork is gay, after all; and Kevin himself is an attractive male, if he does say so himself. So, it shouldn't be a surprise to him that the dork might develop sexual feelings for him. Yet, it is.

After having successfully wiped his face clean, he tears into the quesadilla, pulling out half and passing it to the dork. Right, they're here to give the sockhead fast food, not ponder about the man in question. Though the dork is still weird.

Double D picks up the slice of- whatever Kevin gave him, and sniffs it. Smells slightly spicy. Shrugging, he takes a bite. And is immediately blown over by cheese, chicken, tang and heat. He gasps as he practically lunges for his beverage and sucks the liquid down, cold relief of the water soothing his aching mouth. after he swallows, he glares at Kevin, who had started laughing.

"That was not funny, Kevin Barr."

"Sorry, sorry, guess I should've warned you. The quesadillas can get a little spicy."

The sockhead looks at him dubiously. A little spicy. That was what normal people call a little spicy?? Good Lord, he might be in trouble. And possibly just sticking to the burritos.
"Yes, well, I do believe it's time I get to class," the genius huffs, heading to the counter to ask for a to-go bag. Kevin can eat the rest of the food he had purchased. Especially that demon quesadilla. Eddward frowns slightly as he hands the plastic over to his partner. Does Kevin like spicy foods? If so, that might be a problem for dinner. He'll have to borrow some spices from Eddy's cabinet, though he sincerely hopes it doesn't come down to that. They head out to the car once again, The young genius slamming the door absentmindedly. This day is surely going downhill. He had an episode- right in front of Kevin, heavens!- on top of having an inappropriate daydream get the better of him during lunch. He needs to be more careful.

"You alright, Double D?"

The sockhead snaps out of his thoughts, jerking to gaze at the redhead. Said male is looking at him with what appears to be concern, though the genius believes that to be himself fantasicing again.

"Of course! Why do you ask?"

A ginger eyebrow raises.

"No reason. So, what did you think of Taco Bell?"

Blue eyes narrow slightly. Did he miss a conversation? He must have, for the tanned man is giving him suspicious glances. Well, he must be patient. His boyfriend will know everything at dinner.

"Splendid. Though I believe I will only be ordering the burritos there for a long time, thanks to you."

Laughter escapes the man beside him. It almost sounds like a coughing fit. It's pretty charming. Oh, that's disconcerting. Don't think like that, Eddward.

"Sorry, dude, didn't mean to put you off of quesadillas. They're really not that bad."

"I know that! And I don't mind a lot of spice. I just wish for it to not be sudden. And that quesadilla was quite sudden in its useage."

More laughter ensues as they roll into the parking lot of the building Edd needs to go to. A small sigh escapes him. He suddenly doesn't wish to go to class; he'd rather be with Kevin and... what's the term? Hang out?? Though they still hadn't found much in common, it was strangely... exciting to simply be in his presence. A kind of excitement that even one of Eddy's past crazy schemes couldn't achieve. And Double D suddenly found himself to be an adrenaline junkie.

'"My class ends at five. I will see you then?" Blue eyes meet green. Eddward's breath catches in his throat. Oh my. He hadn't looked closely before, but Kevin's eyes are gorgeous. Varying shades that remind him of grassy fields, mossy rocks, and shady forests blend seamlessly together, having him almost lost in some sort of faerie land he can't name.

"Sounds cool. See ya."

And with that, those eyes turn away, leaving him feeling quite... alone. And heavy. Lips thinning at the feeling and what it could propose, he exits the car. After waving goodbye to Kevin, and watching his automobile disappear around a corner, he heads into the building.

Okay, so something is DEFINATELY up with the dork. And, confirmed, the dork is attracted to him, if that moment told him anything. But does the dork being attracted to him have anything to do with that episode from earlier? He has no clue, and to be honest, it's starting to make his brain hurt thinking about it. But, damn, the Double Dork practically fucked him with that stare, it was so intense. It nearly made the redhad deck the genius right there. Yet, even Kevin can't deny; the dork's eyes were pretty. Really bright light blue with a kinda swirly pattern. Like, if wind was a color, that would be it.

Okay, enough gay thoughts. It's bad enough that he is getting an ego boost out of the knowledge of the dork being attracted to him. Like, how sick is he?! Was his self confidence really flagging that bad that being attractive to some guy- especially a gay guy- made him feel better about himself?! Grumbling under his breath, the athlete pulls into a mall parking lot nearby the college; he figures he can check out the sports store and the entertainment store for some music while he waits for the sockhead. Be a waste of gas for him to just go home and wait. With his hands tucked into his pockets, he shuffles into the large complex, instinctively heading for the sports store.

Which turned out to be a big mistake on his part, he realizes, as he sees those dicks from yesterday already in there. He sneers at them when the three notice he is in the store, and, trying to ignore them, makes his way to the jersey section. Unfortunately, they follow.

"Yo, Kev," one of them calls out to him. Great.

"Yeah."

The larger one, Tucker? Hucker? Fucker, yeah, Fucker will do. Fucker walks over, expression being quite somber. Ew, he's starting to think like the dork.

"Hey, man, just wanted to say sorry for yesterday. Kinda caught us off-guard, ya know?"

Mentally grumbling, Kevin nods. "Yeah, I got ya, man. I would have been in the same spot you are." God, can these assholes go away? Unfortunately not, as Fucker nods sagely and the other two creep up.
"Yeah, dude, gotta say, did not see that coming." Neither did I, the redhead thinks.

"No worries. Kinda surprised me too." There, they said sorry, now can they just please leave?!

"And with that nerd, of all people! Man, I gotta tell ya, not a good choice."

That gets Kevin's attention. "What's wrong with Double D?"

Fucker scoffs and the others snicker. "Well, for one thing, that loser has no style. C'mon, man, you can do better than that. And second, that guy is a string bean. I can guaruntee tht guy has no interest in any kind of sport. So what the hell do you guys talk about? I'm betting nadda."

Kevin bites back a growl. So what if they hadn't found any common interests yet? It's only been two days! He barely knows the dork now, let alone when they actually hung out- the rare occasion that was.

"And finally, bro, aren't you worried about your rep?" At this, the tan male looks at the jock curiously. Of course he's worried about his rep, though it seemed to be fine for him being, er, well, pretending to be gay. So why does Fucker actually sound forboding?

"The hell you talking about?"

"Kev, man, nobody will dare care that you're gay. You're too cool. But being gay with a loser nerd? You're not worried about his reputation bringing yours down?"

Green eyes widen slightly. He hadn't even considered the dork's reputation bringing his own down. Was that even possible? Was the dork really that infamous?

"...You mean Double D has a rep?" He sees Fucker blanche. Obviously the idiot hadn't thought that far.

"Well, kinda, yeah..."

At this, a ginger eyebrow raises. "Huh. Didn't expect you to be all about the gossip. Besides, why are you so worried about my rep? And how do you know about my boyfriend's?"
Kevin can practically hear the gears in Fucker's head trying to reverse.

"No reason, man! I just hear shit, alright? I can't help it if that loser has the teachers wrapped around his finger! Even the swimming coach! I mean, I'd be alright if he was a rich kid like us, but he ain't!"

Knuckles cracking, he can practically smell the fear rolling off of the jock. This is stupid. The guy's making shit up to throw Kevin off the trail.

"Ya know what I think? I think you actually like my Double D."

Blue eyes widen in alarm, "NO! I ain't gay, man!!"

"And you liking my boyfriend is a bit of a problem," the redhead glowers at Fucker, who has realized his backup has disappeared, the cowards. He grabs the slightly taller male by the collar, ready to deck him a new nose, when his phone pings. An awkward silence surrounds the pair. Groaning in frustration, the tanner male drops his adversary and digs in his pocket. He pulls it out, the screen showing a new message. Oh, it's from Double Dork. After shooting a sideways glare at Fucker, he opens the message.

From Double D: I apologize for this, but it seems that my teacher will not be arriving today, so class has been canceled. I will be outside.

Kevin inwardly groans. Great. And he didn't even get to check out and see if his favorite football star's jersey was here.

"You must have a guardian angel on your side, Fucker, cuz I gotta split. Next time I see you, and if it's anywhere near Double D, expect your face pummelled."

And with that, Kevin stalks out.

Once in the car, his thoughts turn to the conversation. Would Double D's reputation- if he actually has one- tarnish his own? Not likely, but the small seed of doubt was still planted into his brain. Grimacing at the many possibilities of how dating the dork- even if it was pretenting- could possibly ruin him, he drives back to the college.

"Curse this class of mine," a sockhead mutters under his breath, fiddling with his backpack laces. He can't believe the audacity of his teacher not bothering to show up. They had a paper due today, dammit! Oh dear, he shouldn't curse like that. And now he has wasted Kevin's gas and time by coming out here. That might make the redhead a bit irate. Eddward swallows thickly. He hopes his homemade dinner will mellow out the athlete. The young genius pouts, placing his head in his hand. What sort of conversation are they supposed to have over the next fortnight? They have nothing in common! Oh dear, he obviously didn't think this plan through. He doubts Kevin is a fan of his musical preference, and he is extremely aware that he himself is not interested in sports of any kind. How they are played and differ from each other might be interesting, hmmm.... maybe he just needs to try conversing at a different angle. And with that thought, Kevin's Mustang rolls up, as if on cue.

"Greetings, Kevin. I really am sorry about this."

Kevin gives a lopsided smirk, which makes the sockhead's heart jump. "Eh, no worries. Just hop in already."

After practiacally scrambling to gain entry, they take off back to their cul-de-sac. Double D bites his lip anxiously; he has an opportunity to start a conversation that they both might be interested, and wouldn't simply be Kevin teasing him, yet he has no idea how to start it. Oh, drat! Curse his introvert tendencies...

"So, Double D, what exactly are you planning on dinner? I know we had lunch like, an hour ago, but I'm kinda starving."

The blue-eyed male stares at his companion, appalled. Gracious, how does he have this kind of appetite? What to do, what to do? He needs at least half an hour to get the stench of thawed seafood out of his house, but how is he going to convince Kevin to go... home... ah ha!

"I have some leftovers from lunch. Did you want them?"

"Fuck yeah. Hand 'em over."

Eddward obliges, suddenly thankful that Taco Bell food is exuberatingly messy. From his perepherial vision, he watches the redhead take a bite out of the quesadilla almost violently. If he didn't hate that dreaded piece of food, he'd feel sorry for it.

"So, you told me that you had went to Notre Dame to play football. Was there any other sport you liked? Or was football the only choice?"

Kevin swallows his bite and glances at him. Good, he has his attention.

"Yeah there was. I really liked baseball, basketball after that. But you need to be able to run in both sports, so I could only ever play either for fun."

Double D has to fight off a smile. His plan is working! Strategically, he tilts his head to the side slightly.

"Okay, but since you still like sports, why didn't you try to become a coach?"

And with that, Kevin's jaw drops. As does the quesadilla. Right into his lap. Perfect.

"Oh, no! Hang on, I have a napkin..."

Roughly, the sockhead grabs a napkin and practically grinds the mexican food into the redhead's groin before yanking it up and tossing the ruined food back into the bag. He glances at his handiwork. Excellent. Completely ruined jeans that appear to be already starting to get tacky and stiff.

"I'm so sorry, Kevin! I didn't mean to make you drop the food."

The redhad grimaces at the mess in his lap. "Uh, it's alright, I guess. I guess I'll go home and change then head over."

Eddward nods sagely, "That sounds like a plan." Perfect! He can't believe his plan worked so flawlessly! Maybe he did think this whole charade through...

The Mustang roars into the sockhead's driveway, the jock barely giving him any time to get out before zooming across the street. Smiling, the young genius enters his abode, ready to tackle his not-dinner-date. He hopes.

Chapter Text

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 10

Kevin stands in his shower, letting the hot water run down his back. His thoughts are scattered. He doesn't know what the hell just happened in the car. The dork grinded a quesadilla into his crotch. Quite provacatively, if he says so himself. And he's pretty sure it was on purpose. Needless to say, he thinks the sockhead might be sexually harassing him. But, this is Double Dork. Could he have the balls? And if so, can he withstand it for that precious Eagle? The redhead's imagination immediately plants him on top of the roaring machinery, the vibration of the motor resonating through his muscles. His resolve hardens. He will withstand, dammit.

And, he does have to give it to the genius, he supposes. No where in his conditions did he say he couldn't be harrassed. And, another hand to the genius, he didn't even think about becoming a coach. Though he thinks it would not bode well if he tried. Coaching would mean making up plans and strategizing. Nope. Don't think so. He'll stick to his backup plan. Though he does think he'll have to add the "no harrassing" to the conditions when he goes over to the dork's house.

The redhead frowns as he turns off the shower. He knows that he's only pretending to date the dork, but what if that sockhead actually sees him coming over for dinner as an actual date? A bad taste settles in the back of the tan male's throat. If that is the case, he'll have to call off the whole deal. Pretending is one thing, but making them both suffer over this stunt? Yeah, he'd rather not. But, that's if this dinner is seen as a date. He honestly really hopes not. But, he supposes there's only one way to find out.
With that thought in mind, he dries off and heads to his closet.

After tossing on a blue shirt and some new jeans, Kevin heads back over to Edd's house, deciding to forgoe his Mustang. It's only twenty feet, he's not gonna waste gas for that. Once again, he gazes at the seemingly empty house. Like before, even the white paint is spotless. Almost glistening. Still quite disturbing. The only difference is that a light from the living room was on. Somehow it made the sight of the house even more forboding. After much trepidation, the redhead rings the doorbell.

And is immediately greeted by the dork. Who is wearing an apron. A white one, with sunflowers on it. Needless to say, he has to choke back a snort. The dork looks ridiculous! But he somehow manages to grunt out a greeting.

"Yo."

The sockhead smiles at him.

"Hello again, Kevin. Please come in."

The athlete obliges, looking around the house. As he feared, it was just as spotless on the inside as the outside was. Though, with a sigh of relief, it definitely feels homier. The living room and foyer are accented with reds and blacks and whites, while some abstract art adorned the walls. Strange, though, how there are no pictures of anyone in sight...

"Erm, dinner is not quite ready yet, so please make yourself at home. Oh, but first, please remove your shoes and wear these."

Suddenly, a pair of white fluffy house shoes are shoved into his face. Kevin looks around them to the dork with a look of disbelief.

"You're kidding, right?"

Unfortunately, the sockhead shakes his head.

"I'm afraid not. If it makes you feel any better, though, they're not bunny shaped."

A snort escapes him. Okay, at least there's that. He quickly glances down to see if the sockhead was wearing the aformentioned bunny slippers. Nope. They were blue and very plain, and like the dork, yet not. Weird. Shrugging, he kicks off his sneakers and slips on the, oh, comfy slippers. He turns to look at his host, who has apparently disappeared back into the kitchen. Frowning slightly, he shrugs off the sudden vanishing act, and heads to the living room. Let's see, what does the dork like to do for entertainment?
The living room had a large flat screen tv, but he couldn't see any cable boxes or consoles anywhere closeby the damn thing. Really weird, but he supposes he can get back to it later. Oh, of course there are bookshelves acting like endtables. Though, unfortunately, one end had nothing but world history books, and the other one had...comic books? He guesses for whenever Ed came over. A glass coffee table sat in the middle of the room, holding three different remotes. One was a controller for a console of some sort, though he is positive he has never seen one like this. It appears to be custom made. Kevin picks it up and is pleasantly surprised; the handles are made of that memory gel. That's awesome. But that means there IS a console somewhere.

"Hey, Double D!"

"Yes?!" a shout answers. Huh, he really must be working on that food.

"How do you turn your video game console on?!"

"One moment please!" the voice responds.

Urgh, fine, he guesses. The redhead stares at the remote in his hand; to be really honest, it almost looks as if the controller was built from scratch. A couple of the buttons and triggers don't exactly match, and the direction pad looks older than some of the other pieces. Did the dork make this?

Speak of the Devil, the young genius enters, looking slightly disgruntled. He goes over to the wall housing the tv, and flips a switch on the wall. Kevin watches, amazed, as a panel slides open, showing not only the cable box, but one of the coolest looking consoles he has ever seen. Bits from a Playstation, a Wii, an Xbox, hell, it even looked like bits of a Gameboy were thrown into this thing.

"Whoa."

The dork blushes.

"Erm, thank you, Kevin. I call it the Rapier Elite."

"Dude, this is awesome."

The blue eyed man blushes harder, but a smile graces his face this time. Good. Be prideful. Cuz if this wasn't something to be proud about, Kevin would eat his hat.

"Thank you again. It can play just about any game on a disc, whether it's a PC game, or for an actual console."

Okay, so to say the least, Kevin was almost beyond impressed. He really wants to play a game on this thing. The itch was almost unbearable.

"Got any games for this thing?"

A gaped tooth grin is his answer.

"Of course."

The sockhead grabs one of the remotes and presses a button on it. A smirk appears on the slimmer male's face as another panel slides open underneath the first, revealing video games, dvds, and it even looks like some music cds. All the redhead could do was stare.

"Dude."

"Take your pick. I must get back to dinner."

And with that, the sockhead spins around and trots back to the kitchen.

Kevin immediately searches the video games. He recognizes most of them, and some he didn't. Unfortunately, the ones he didn't recognize looked like puzzle games. Of course the dork would like those. His green eyes slide to the dvds. Most of them were boring, educational, but one section caught his eye.

"Dude, you watch Red vs Blue, too?!"

He should've expected a response, yet he still jumps when an excited voice reaches him.

"Yes! The programming for the action scenes fascinate me! You can thank Ed for that."

Okay, so the dork just got less dorky. Still a dork, though. And now they have something in common. These next two weeks just got a lot less boring. Grinning at the prospect of a marathon of his favorite series, the athlete decides to check out the sockhead's music collection. And he is honestly lost. He has no idea who most of these artists are. Though Flogging Molly and Lindsey Stirling sound familiar. But Parachute? Spyro Gyro?? And who the hell is Jack Johnson?!? Shrugging, the redhead grabs the Spyro album, staring at the cover art. Kinda trippy. Who knows? Maybe the dork is a secret pothead. Grabbing the remote, the athlete presses the power button.

The television automatically turns on, and Kevin feels his jaw drop; the graphics for the Rapier are incredible. A little menu pops up, asking if he wanted to play the cd. He clicks the affirmative button on the remote, and is immediately thrown to an avatar at a DJ station tossing a record on. The music starts playing. Goosebumps slowly wind up his arms. A steel drum and a saxaphone mentally transport him to a beach; he can almost feel the sun on his skin, and the sand wriggling in between his toes. He feels himself sway gently to the beat, listening yet not. A pool of energy gradually fills him; he needs to do something more than just sway side to side. He should dance.

No, the green eyed male thinks. He should go help the dork, get this dinner over with. Lay his conditions down, then get the hell out of this spell. And maybe find all the music this band has ever done while he's at it. Nodding his head, he heads to the kitchen, still wary of what tonight will pertain. Crap, he's thinking like the dork again. Don't think, don't think, don't think- oh, wow, that smells awesome. The redhead enters the kitchen area to find the dork nearly halfway in the stove, messing around with- that's steak. Holy crap, that's steak. Alarm bells ring off in his brain, as the sockhead hauls out the two very large slabs of meat out of the oven and on to two platters. The dork turns around and jolts.

"Oh, Kevin! You startled me. Is something wrong?"

Yeah, you obviously think this is a date. By some miracle, the athlete holds his panicking thoughts at bay as he instead offers his assistance. He's doing it again! Fuck!

"Nah, just bored. Need any help?"

A wide gaped tooth smile is his answer.

"I suppose you can help me set up the table? I've cooked up quite a storm."

Translation. He cooked alot of food. This is not good. Ah, man. Sighing and nodding his head, he grabs a large pot from the stove and follows the dork down a hall (still no pictures. Starrting to get really creepy with that,) to a decent sized dining room, decorated in light yellow. Flowery. But neutral. Bemused, he sets the covered pot in the middle of the wooden table, that only has... two... seats. Shit. If he wasn't sweating bullets before, he definately is now. Stiffly, he watches the genius flit around the table, setting silverware and other covered dishes onto the table- how and where did he get those??

"Kevin, what would you like to drink?"

Torn from his paranoia and confusion, Kevin stares at Edd. Drink? If he were honest, a bottle of tequila would be perfect right about now. But he's guessing the dork means non-alcoholic.

"Eh, water's fine, dude."

The dork gives him a look of confusion and then shrugs.

"Alright then. One moment, please."

Nodding, the larger male plops down into a chair, staring hungrily, yet warily at the large medium rare steak on his plate. Scarf down food, thank for meal, get out. Scarf down food, thank for meal, get out. Scarf- the dork is back, with a fancy glass of ice water for him. He takes it from the sockhead and takes a tenative sip. Yep, just regular water. He sets it down beside his plate, and notices the dork has a wine glass too. Looks like some sort of juic- nope, that's real wine, he realizes, as the smell hits his nostrils full force. The strong shit, too, holy crap. Kevin watches the smaller male place the wine glass down, and open the large pot he brought in.

Saliva gathers in his mouth as a delicious smell washes over him. Oh man, seafood. In some sort of alfredo sauce. His one weakness. He stares longingly as a ladel is taken from the pot and- POURS THE SEAFOOD OVER HIS STEAK. Dear God. The dork is serving him surf and turf. This is way too fancy for a quick unplanned dinner. Was this planned? For how long?? And if this was his way to seduce the redhead, he's afraid to say it might be working. MIGHT. Slowly, he takes a bite of the cooked meat. And nearly misses stifling a moan. Sweet Jesus. The steak's juices flowed harmoniously with the aflredo sauce, and the chewiness of the shrimp didn't deterr from the raw goodness that was the beef. He digs into the dish like a starving man just finding paradise. Green eyes catch the sockhead scooping out some green and yellow gloop from one of the other pots and almost splats it onto his own plate.

"What the hell is that?" he wonders out loud.

Blue eyes glance up at him.

"This is spinach and artichoke cheese dip. One of my guilty pleasures."

Kevin grimaces. He was immediately turned off at the mention of artichoke. Whatever. Let him have is rabbit food; he'll dig into the delicousness. Though the redhead does notice that, even while he's digging into his steak and seafood, the dork is barely nibbling at his "guilty pleasure." Instead, the sockheaded genius is downing the wine like it's going out of style or something. And looking pretty damn awkward. No, that's not the right word. Trepidation? He thinks so; he does remember looking that word up for vocabulary last semester.

"What's up, D?"

Edd's head jerks up to look at him, the expression of reluctance on his face.

"I was wondering when you were going to breach the subject. And it unfortunately made me lose my appetite."

Subject? What subject? Why would- oh. Right. Right!

"Yeah. So, are you gonna tell me?"

"About why I am at Frutare University instead of some Ivy League college? Yes."

Eddward takes a large swig from the wine before setting it down. This is going to be quite difficult. He's not sure if he's ready to tell anybody. Hell, coming out of the proverbial closet is easier than this. The only other people who know about this secret are Ed and Eddy. And he didn't have to tell them about it; they were there to witness. Hand shaking slightly, he takes another long drink. Will Kevin pity him? See him differently? Not react at all?? He glances up at the redhead. Oh, drat, he's waiting.

"I suppose I should start with seventh grade."

Kevin gives him a confused look.

"What about seventh grade?"

The young genius swallows thickly.

"Do you remember the one Wednesday I flipped out on everyone and skipped school for the first time ever?"

How could Kevin forget? It was in that moment, where he was proud to know the sockhead. He was in the hallway, heading to class, when all of a sudden, Double D started screeching at the top of his lungs, cussing out everyone he could see. Some girls about cheating their way into AP classes, some guys about having no ambition for the future, some teachers about their lack of passion, some jocks about their bullying. The dork was merciless. He even tongue-lashed Nazz for being a stereotypical popular girl with no opinion in fear of being shunned. Then he threw all his stuff in his locker and went home. Needless to say, when he came back the next day, the whole school was chaos. He had apologized for his behavior to the whole school population, but the damage was done. Now everyone knew that the dork had a limit. Took awhile to get to that limit, but once you cross it, beware.

"Yeah?"

"Well, I was under a lot of pressure, and it sadly spilled over that day. Which I regret taking it out on the school. But, it helped me into a decision that should have been done a while ago. That very same day, when I left, I divorced my parents."

What?

"What?"

Blue eyes roll softly.

"I had called and hired a lawyer and had gotten my parents and a judge to sign a form saying I was a legal adult, regardless of my age. I freed myself from them. Oh, the paperwork that came after, to change the bills and title of house into my name was a nightmare. But I could now do whatever I wanted."

Holy shit. The dork is a badass. Though, he guesses if any one of the cul-de-sac kids could be an adult in middle school, it would definately be Double D. But...

"How do you pay for all this? You said you didn't get a job until college."

A black eyebrow quirks at him slightly. Almost smugly.

"Why, all the prize money I had gained from winning all my Science, English, Math, and History fairs and contests. From first grade to seventh, it had accumulated in a bank. Plus interest turned the total to nine hundred and sixty seven thousand something dollars. With the mortgage already paid off, it was simple math to prepay my bills."

Green eyes widen. Okay, now he is officially beyond impressed. Double D doesn't even need the job he has, what the hell.

"Okay, well, while that is awesome, it doesn't tell me why you're here and not at like Harvard or something."

The smug little grin the sockhead was wearing is quickly wiped off his face. Which is a little disappointing. That stupid grin really showed him how proud the dork really was in beating the system.

"Oh, yes. Well, because I was emancipated from my parents, I had no one to lean on when... um... my tumor happened."

That gets Kevin to set his fork down. The dork had a tumor??

"What?"

Ah, shit, he's blabbering now.

"I thought it was gone! We all did, even my mother, who is a very successful brain surgeon, thought that the first and second surgeries had worked. I barely needed the chemo-therapy. Yet, there it was, many years later."

The sockhead is talking past tense. So, it's gone again. But what happened this time? He sounds really upset over it.

"What happened?"

Oh, man, the dork's eyes are really glassy. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry!

"After sophomore year, it was removed. But the doctor who did it wasn't paying attention and took more brain tissue than needed. He took my memories. A large chunk of my childhood is missing. I don't remember meeting Ed or Eddy, I don't remember most of our adventures. I barely remember any words that I would normally use, and I honestly do not recall owing you a bike chain. Eddy had to tell me that story. Eddy and Ed told me all of the stories, but I'm pretty sure they're biased or simply wrong. And my recovery was the reason why nobody saw us that summer; we had holed up in here, Eddy and Ed doing the best they can to get me back to normal."

Kevin is silent. He remembers that summer; he was beyond paranoid that the Eds were up to something. And nothing had happened, and everyone saw them at school, looking... rougher. Eddy had gained a brand new scar on his chin, Ed stopped smiling and saying stupid shit randomly, and Edd... was fine. Nothing had seemed to change with the dork. The only difference he could even think of was what little hair stuck out the back end of his hat was longer. Literally, it.

"... And the anxiety attacks?"

He sees Edd cringe, but reluctantly answer.

"They don't happen as often as you think. But, while healing, Eddy was getting frustrated and yelled at me. I had my first attack, and when I came to, both Eddy and Ed were crying. Somehow I had ripped my stitches open and was digging into the wound with a pair of sewing scissors. And when Eddy tried to stop me, I slashed at him, causing the scar we see today. After that, he had made an oath of silence. And hasn't spoken since."

Kevin feels sick. He could see it, too, that "nobody's home" look on the young genius's face, and holding up a pair of scissors. It sends chills down his spine. No wonder shortstack won't talk anyomore. If he caused that to the dork... wait.

"So, what caused it at Taco Bell?"

The paler male looks at him in slight surprise.

"Oh, I think it might have been the pressure of choosing a meal. It could have also been simply being outside my comfort zone. Not doing the same thing over and over again? I t could be a thousand things. Don't feel at fault."

But he kinda does. Not completely, but he guesses they didn't have to go to the restaurant. He could have just gotten it for them. But if the sockhead says it's okay, then it must be. Besides, the attack at Taco Bell seemed light in comparasion to the first one. Regardless, he will be keeping sharp, pointy objects away from the dork.

"This still doesn't explain why you're here and not at a real college."

The slighter male gives him an "are you a special kind of stupid?" look.

"...As I said, my memory is shot. All my past achievements mean nothing if I can't remember how to create or explain them. And good luck to me to remember new material. So, here I am, stuck. Probably going to end up as an ant farmer," he finishes sadly.

Kevin thinks for a second.

"Well, what were you going to do?"

Double D looks at him questioningly.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Before the tumor thing. What did you want to do when you grew up?"

The dork stares at him, flabbergasted.

"Ah-Um-well- why... do you want to know?"

The redhead shrugs.

"Why not?"

The genius opens his mouth to counter, but nothing comes out. he snaps his jaw shut and glowers at him.

"If you must know, I was going into cell regeneration. Help people regain body parts they've lost because of accidents, war, disease, or some stupid choice they did."

"That's cool."

And it is. He did have a grandfather who served in the military, and lost his left arm thanks to a bomb who would've probably jumped at the chance of having his arm back, were he alive.

"Thank you."

"So, the only reason you ain't persuing your dream is because your memory is kinda shitty now?"

Edd blinks at him.

"Using horrid grammar and summarizing it, yes, that's it exactly."

Kevin frowns.

"That's dumb."

Blue eyes glare at him forloringly.

"I beg your pardon?"

"C'mon, Double D, you already know your memory isn't what it used to be. So, work around it. Keep notes handy. I dunno, find your dorky way of figuring shit out. Leave a video diary or something."

The sockhead stares at him, silent, with his eyes blown impossibly wide. Kevin does his best not to squirm. He feels like he's being observed. He HATES that feeling.

"You're right."

A big smile spreads across the young genius's face. Kevin feels the tension in the air vanish.

"I know I'm right. So what are you going to do about it?"

The grin turns slightly malicious, almost as if the dork just accepted the most difficult of challenges.

"Why, prove you wrong, of course."

Chapter Text

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 11

Kevin holds his gaze, his expression that of confusion. Edd sits stock still, barely breathing, almost daring himself to fidget or even flinch. He doesn't want to show Kevin any weaknesses, especially after such a bold statement.

"Say what?"

The young genius forces his mouth to not twitch into a smirk. Eddy would be proud of his acting skills.
"I know you are not deaf, Kevin; I know you heard me," the sockhead states, sounding more confident than he felt. Green eyes flash at him in irritation. Somehow he holds back a flinch.

"I think you said that you were gonna prove me wrong. About you being smart. Dork, you contradicted yourself."

Kevin needs to stop using complicated words; it really makes him even more attractive. And he can't have that- if he wants to come out of this emotionally unscathed, anyway. He smiles at the man sitting across from him, not letting his true emotions show.

"My, Kevin. Using such vocabulary; it almost makes you sound like me."

Red immediately stains tan cheeks; Edd inwardly laughs gleefully at the older male's embarrassment. Is this why people like to humiliate each other?

"Can it, dork. I'm just saying you're gonna fail for once. Besides, ant farming? You can do something a little bit more exciting than that."

Blue eyes blink at the man sitting at the other end of the table. What is Kevin getting at?

"Oh, really? And what do you think I should do instead?"

His broad shoulders shrug, infuriating, the genius thinks.

"I dunno, I guess become a mechanic like me?" Green eyes widen as the athlete perks up.

"Hey, yeah. Be a mechanic with me." A small gasp escapes the slimmer male, heart hammering loudly in his chest. What is Kevin thinking?! If he's implying what the sockhead thinks he is, oh dear!

Somehow, all that comes from his now pale lips is, "Pardon?"

White teeth flash at him in a happy grin as heat slowly rises to his cheeks. How can teeth be that sexy?! Easily, his mind supplies, they simply need to be brushed religiously. Eddward inwardly curses at himself for being right.

"Think about it, dork. After this whole deal, I think we're gonna end up being awesome friends. So why not go be mechanics together? It'll be science-y enough for you to stay interested, there's gonna be plenty of stuff that will be heavy enough to give me a good workout, and we can argue all day about engines or whatever. Well?"

The pale man stares at Kevin, the latter grinning like a ten year old boy who just had the best idea ever. Was the redhead serious? Did he have that much faith in Edd's broken intelligence? If so, why? Why does Kevin want them to be friends after this in the first place? This was supposed to be nothing more than a business transaction. An exchange of goods and services. So why is Kevin investing his emotions like this? A spark of hope rises in his chest. Could it be that the athlete has affection for him as well?? That hope is immediately crushed. No. No, there has to be some other reason. But what could it be? A blush creeps up his neck when he realizes the taller male is waiting for an answer.

"We'll... have to see. If this pans out the way we hope, I don't see why not. But until then, let's leave that idea on a back burner. Okay?" Kevin nods sagely at him. Edd has to hold back a snort. For an attractive male, the redhead can be utterly ridiculous.

"Sounds good to me. So let's finish this meal, alright? Oh, speaking of which," Kevin shoves a large cut of meat into his mouth atrociously, "I wanted to add a condition."

Edd wrinkles his nose at the sudden lack of table manners, as well as the mention of another rule.

"I will try to abide it, even though you've broken your own rule."

Green eyes look at him quizzically.

"What rule did I break?"

The genius feels his mouth form a small smirk.

"The one about not calling me a 'dork.' You broke that rule yesterday morning."

A slight giddiness fills him as he sees the unmistakable flush of embarrassment on his once-bully.

"Oh, really? Sorry, Double D. Old habits, ya know?"

A small smile rests on his face, "That is alright, Kevin. So, what is your condition that I will try to follow?"

Kevin points his fork at the slimmer male, his visage a mask of seriousness.

"No more sexual harrassment. I gotta tell ya, didn't see that coming."

Double D's jaw drops as his face goes redder than a tomato.

"S-sexual harrassment?! I would never!"

Kevin gives him a look of complete disbelief.

"The quesadilla, dude. I thought you were going to make me fuck it or something."

If possible, the young genius blushes even harder. Oh dear lord! Did he really make that incident as suggestive as Kevin is portraying? He must have, else there wouldn't be this rule! Gracious! Hands cover his face in shame, he can't believe himself! He is absolutely mortified, too much so to barely speak, but he must fix this mishap.

"Oh, Kevin, t-that wasn't... I just wanted some more time!"

The athlete looks at him dubiously, "Huh?"

Double D drags his hat to cover his heated face. Can this dinner be over with so he can go die of embarrassment in peace?

"I needed to get my chores done, since I had no time to do them this morning, so I caused that mess in your lap in order to buy me more time to clean house and then cook dinner. I apologize if my method was a bit... provacative."

Silence greets his muffled ears but not for long. Soon, guffawing fills the dining room. Edd peeks out from under his beanie to see the tan male shaking with laughter. The genius tips the edge of his headgear farther back to stare in wonder.

"Y-you're not... mad?"

"Mad? Dude, y-you're doing perverted shit... unintentionally!! The irony is HILARIOUS! GAHAHAHAHA!!"

Kevin falls out of his chair from laughing so hard, the sight quite humerous. Edd can't help but chuckle at the man's antics, and before he knows it, he's full blown guffawing right beside the redhead.

"Y-y'know, hehe, what's even funnier, Kevin?! The reason p-people think we're dating is b-because I'm blackmailing you with a-a test-t-tube baby!!"

Kevin starts howling with laughter, both gasping for air. Tears gather in Edd's eyes as he wheezes. Their laughing dies down as they pick themselves up and settle back into their respective chairs.

"Okay, but seriously, though, no more harrassing me, alright? I might deck you next time."

Kevin grins at him as the sockhead nods. He figures the jock might be joking, but he doesn't really know. The sockhead feels he has barely peeked at the other man's intelligence, who seems to wish to hide this fact, as well as the many sides of his personality recently shown. Though, what a shame, he thinks; he didn't even get to actually tease the man yet about the situation they're in. Oh well, perhaps it's better this way; no temptations and all that. Smiling at his guest, Edd picks up his fork and scoops up another batch of cheese dip and places it on his plate.

"Geez, I'm stuffed. Okay, so you have all the reason to not like fast food. I got it."

The sockhead hides a giggle behind his hand.

"Oh, don't worry, Kevin. I'll be sure to send some leftovers with you for you and your father. And we can try... Wendy's, was it? Tomorrow for lunch. And I will buy this time."

Porcelain white teeth flash at him again in a sheepish grin.

"Choice. "

Kevin follows him, carrying the empty dirty dishes and sets them in the sink as the sockhead pulls out tupperware filling them with the leftovers. Smiling, Edd follows Kevin to the front door, handing him the now filled containers.

"I will see you tomorrow then, Kevin?"

A smirk makes its way across the taller male's face.

"You got it, Double D. Thanks for the dinner-not-date. Later."

Pale cheeks flush pink in horror as the young genius realizes that this dinner could, in fact, have classified as a date. Which was not his intention. Gracious, he shouldn't have used surf and terf to impress Kevin with his cooking skills. After waving slightly as his boyfriend- escort? bodyguard? partner in crime?- crossed the street, he goes back inside and shuts the door. He feels quite light-headed. Indeed, telling Kevin about his inner secrets was quite mentally exhausting. But invigorating, vindicating even, to tell another soul of his burdens, it was quite an event. He wanders back into the kitchen and cleans the dishes.

As he dries off the china, he thinks about Kevin's offer in being mechanics together. The pale man smiles softly. Their garage would be the cleanest, if nothing else. His smile widens at the imagery his imagination creates. He can see it now: A popular, yet quaint little garage, named something catchy, like Barr & 'Cent, or even Vincent's Barr!

Eddward stops his train of thought right there. Oh, dear, it was about to get dirty. After placing the last dish in its proper place in the cabinet, the sockhead stares, lost. What chore does he need to do next? Where is that sticky note that told him?? He locates said yellow square beside the doorway to the foyer. Ah, laundry. Yes, of course! After crumpling up the piece of paper and tossing it in the trash, he heads down to the basement to rotate the laundry. Strange, though, he doesn't remember doing a load of orange. Or having this amount of orange colored clothing, for that matter. And even odder, there is only one orange sock in this load. Wait a second. Blue eyes widen in horror. He had done a load of Whites earlier this week- because he wanted to wear- his sweater! Hands trembling, he picks up one orange long sleeved sweater. Which is supposed to be snow white.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

Kevin collapses onto the couch in his living room. He had put the leftovers away for nothing; his dad dug into them almost immediately after he got home. Groaning, he gets up to trudge himself to bed beyond exhausted. And he should be- the emotional baggage that the dork dropped on him was insane. Holy shit. He scrubs his face with his hand. He can't believe he's thinking this, but he was really honest about that offer. He would really like to consider the dork his friend. Sure, that meant maybe bumping into one of the other Eds every now and then, but he thinks he can deal with them when the time comes.

Strangely enough, he feels very grateful that the dork trusted him enough to confide in him. He hopes that, aside from the Eagle, by the end of this whole charade, he and the dork will be good friends. So, day two of dating the dork wasn't terrible. An emotional roller coaster ride, for sure, and if he was made of weaker shit, he'd probably have called the whole thing off. He surprisingly can't wait for the next day to see what kind of crazy shit happens to them.Though, he thinks, the dork being worried about bullies was for nothing; there hadn't been any aggression towards the dork since yesterday with those asshats. He frowns. Knowing those losers, he wouldn't be surprised if they were stupid enough to try something again.

Grumbling, the athlete rolls over, eager to get some sleep.

Black shoes stomp across asphalt as one genius skulks to an athlete's abode angrily. He can't believe himself! Doing something so foolish as to ruin all his white clothing. Blue eyes glare down at the now atrocity adorning him. He rings the doorbell, and crosses his arms, tapping his foot slightly. He really just wants to get the day over with so he can go to the mall and gain more whites. And burn the old. He refuses to have a reminder of his mistake in the house. He didn't get much sleep last night, trying and failing to revert the load, but it was too late. The color had already set in. And not even his special bleach could fix it. The door opens to a sleepy red head.

"Hey, man. You're up early. What's with the sour look?"

The sockheaded male storms past him and unceremoniously plops himself on the couch.

"Please get dressed and ready for school, Kevin. I would greatly appreciate it."

A ginger eyebrow raises at him.

"Only if you make breakfast and what the hell's got your panties in a twist."

The smaller male huffs at him. He is not in the mood to negotiate, but he supposes waking the other male up almost two hours earlier than normal is a bit inconsiderate.

"I will do the former. I would rather not talk about the latter. Ever. Just, please, I want today to end."

The other eyebrow joins the former but Kevin doesn't comment. Instead, he trudges upstairs. Sighing, Eddward gets up and heads to the kitchen. A small smile graces his face when he sees that the Barrs have maintained the cleanliness. After perusing the pantry and refridgerator, the young genius decides fried eggs and bacon will suffice. He pulls out said items from the fridge, as well as a loaf of bread and the coffee from the pantry and sets to work.

Kevin could tell that it was going to be a trying day, just by looking at the time. He's up before his alarm clock by two. Whole. Hours. And yet he was able to be polite to the dork making him breakfast downstairs. He considers that an accomplishment in and of itself. He throws on his signature hat, a black muscle shirt, some jeans, and his blue and white jacket. The redhead also slips on a pair of black sweatbands; it's too warm yet for gloves. After scratching his side, he heads down the stairs towards the awesome smell coming from his kitchen.

Chapter Text

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 12

A grumble escapes the redhead as he yanks out a blue and grey hoodie from his closet. It is WAY too early for the dork's weird behavior. Kevin yawns, jaw popping out of place as he does so. The jock tugs the said hoodie over his black sleep shirt, ruffling his hair once donned. With heavy eyelids, he grabs a pair of black skinny jeans and wrestles them on. He glances in the mirror as he plops his hat on. Not bad. Considering. Tan arms get thown in the air as he stretches, back and hip popping slightly.

While he's acknowledged that it is- again- WAY too early for Edd's weird behavior, it doesn't stop him from wondering what's gotten the dork all weird and angsty. What could have possibly happened after he left last night that could have soured the genius' mood? He frowns slightly as he grabs two black wristbands and wriggles them on over his hands. Shit. Did the dork have bi...shit, what was it called, when your moods can go from zero to one eighty...? Bi...bi-something. Whatever, he just hopes that the thing that set the young genius off was A) not him, and B) went away quick. A welcoming smell permeates his room from downstairs. The redhead grins, surprised; the dork actually is making him breakfast- with coffee! It's at this moment that his stomach reminds him he has yet to eat.

Following the scent, he treads downstairs into his kitchen, finding the sockheaded man in front of his stove, frying some eggs and bacon in the same pan. The toaster dings and out pops two slices of perfectly cooked toast. Doing his best not to drool, Kevin pulls out a plate and sets the toast on it. After that he pulls two coffee mugs out from a different cabinet and starts pouring, pausing at the second cup.

"Hey, Double D, how do you take your coffee?" he asks. Blue eyes glance at him, then quickly return to the sizzling pan.

"Normally, I don't, but I feel I will need it today. Could you please put in lots of cream?"

Kevin nods, heading towards the fridge for said cream. He personally likes his own black, but his dad is a bit of a sugar addict, so he needs cream and sugar for the old man. He is surprised that the genius doesn't drink coffee. The guy is always so active and alert; he could've sworn the dork needed caffeine like the rest of them. After fixing the cup of joe, he places the steaming drink onto the counter, watching the younger man expertly flip the fried eggs and bacon onto the plate, handing it to him. The athlete takes the plate gratefully, puling open a drawer for a fork and digging in. He frowns slightly when he sees Double D nibble at a piece of toast and sip his coffee, grimacing after each sip.
"So... you gonna tell me why you're here two hours before I even get up?" Kevin blurts out. He can't stand it; the silence was overbearing and almost hostile. He had to say something. Double D glowers into his beverage, practically pouting at it. The redhead would have found it funny if it wasn't so early in the morning... and if he didn't know how much rage the sockhead held within himself. He likes his ears on his head, thanks.

"...I really do apologize, Kevin. I had made a grevious mistake last night, and it won't be resolved until the end of the day, when we part ways. I simply wish to get today done and over with," the smaller male smiles apologetically at him. Wait, that's it?

Kevin narrows his eyes slightly at the other man, "Wait, so you're in a bad mood today because you screwed something up last night? Seriously?"

At least the dork has the humility to blush in embarrasssment.

"I realize it is quite an overreaction, in hindsight, but the atrocity I had commited is a bit personal, and I hate making mistakes. Having a reminder of said mistake is even worse, and I am unfortunately stuck with previously stated reminder until after class. So please, don't ask anymore about it and eat your eggs; they'll grow cold."

A ginger eyebrow raises in doubt, but he does as he's told and drops the subject while shovelling the fried goodness in his mouth. A reminder, huh? And he's stuck with it all day until he can get rid of it after school... whatever, not his problem. He just needs the dork in a better mood until then, right? Green eyes blink as an idea strikes him.

"Hey, do you think you could double check this math problem? I think it's right, but I wanna be sure before I turn it in tomorrow."

The young genius' face instantly brightens.

"Certainly! I shall take a peek at it after breakfast."

"Choice."

Happy that the silence lapsing around them is comfortable, Kevin finishes the eggs and starts on the bacon.

After finishing his toast and forcing the bitter liquid down his throat, the young genius quickly rinses out his cup and places it into the dishwasher out of habit. He blinks at himself. Oh dear; is he really that familiar with Kevin's kitchen already? No, he reasons, I have a photographic memory. He grimaces at the thought. Had. He had a photographic memory, now he's lucky if he can remember anything that happened two years ago. So yes, he is familiar with the kitchen, he realizes. Blue eyes widen in panic; no, no he can't be feeling like this, it is much too soon to be feeling anything more than a tenative, precarious friendship.

"Dork?"

The smaller male's gaze raises to meet the redhead's, seeing what almost looks like concern coloring the athlete's features. Double D blinks and glances at the clock. He'd been standing there, hovering over the dishwasher for about two minutes. Drat; another episode in front of Kevin. At least it was short this time and he didn't float off. Embarrassment heats his cheeks as he clears his throat.

"Shall we check your homework now, Kevin? I really am excited to see if the answer is correct."

Flashing the taller man a quick smile, he makes a hasty exit to the living room. When he doesn't hear Kevin following him, he mentally groans. Can today just be over and not have anything disasterous happen? The sockhead glances behind him when he sees movement in his perephiral vision.

"The sheet's in the book. And when it's right, you're gonna tell me what you fucked up on, and what the hell caused that mini-episode in my kitchen."

Aparently, this is going to be the longest day of Edd's entire life.

Kevin watches the young genius sigh in resignition and plop down onto his couch. The redhead has to blink at the action; the dork actually unceremoniously sat on his couch. No hesitation on whether or not it was sanitary or if his actions were deemed polite. Whatever the sockhead made a mistake on, it's bothering him more than he knows. He sits on the recliner, giving the genius a determined look. He is not going to drop the subject or get distracted. If they're gonna get through the rest of this deal, he's gonna need the dork to be honest with him when something is wrong. Can't fix what's wrong if nobody tells him.

"As I stated earlier, it was a simple mistake that will be rectified when I get home tonight. As for the... mini-episode, you called it, earlier?" the sockhead blushes. A ginger eyebrow raises. Was Double Dork thinking nasty thoughts again?

"I had panicked a little bit, I'll admit, but it was because I had realized how... comfortable I am here."

Kevin scrunches his face up in confusion. The hell is the dork talking about? Or rather, why would him feeling safe in his house make him freak out?

"Okay, so?"

The younger man pinches the bridge of his nose. Well, dork, you're not the only one frustrated with the situation.

"Kevin, please remember that I really only have certain places I feel safe. Excluding the school's library, those places are my own home, Ed's room, and Eddy's house. And before you ask, no, despite Eddy working with me, I have never felt safe at The Crowned Royale."

Kevin blinks at the young genius. Whoa; he never knew that the dork was THAT insecure. He remembers some times during their childhood, he would see glimpses of an overconfident sockhead, who was quite cunning but fair, which doesn't quite match the insecurity that Edd was claiming.

"It took me years to feel secure in my friends' homes; so pardon me for panicking for finding myself quite at home in a house that I have only been in a couple of times in my life. So, please, let's just ignore it and check your homework."

Pale fingers grasp the textbook sitting on the coffee table and flip it open to the page needed. The athlete is still quite confused as to why the genius feeling safe in such a short time is a big deal; isn't that a good thing? But he just shrugs and watches Edd study the paper. Relief and pride swell within him when he sees a grin make its way onto the dork's face.

"Well done, Kevin! This is indeed the correct answer," he says, snapping the book shut and placing it and the paper back onto the table, "and if your professor is who I think he is, you should already have your study guide for your mid terms; we can start on that until it's time to go to school, if you want."

Kevin can't help but smirk, " Nope, no study guide. Nice try, though. How about we watch t.v. or something?"

The dork pouts; the redhead does his best not to laugh at him, "Or something. Perhaps we can discuss books, or maybe video games?"

Green eyes light up, "Yeah, what about Halo or Red vs Blue? I know you're a fan of both; I just can't figure out why or how."

Blue eyes sparkle in delight. Huh; didn't know eyes could do that, Kevin thinks.

"The how is quite simple: Ed introduced first Halo to me, and Red vs Blue came later. The interest in Halo started with how creative the science-fiction was- I mean, where did they get the crazy notion that humans would have evolved to be that scientifically advanced in such a time span? So fascinating!"

The taller male grins at the shorter one, feeling surprisingly at ease despite the early hour and talking to the dork about something as silly as a video game's science and history. Before he knows it, Double Dork's alarm on his phone goes off.

"Oh my goodness, is it that time already? Kevin, are you ready to go?" the genius asks, already on his feet and grabbing his bag. Kevin nods at him, grabbing his own backpack from the hook by the door as well as his keys. He follows Edd out the door, shutting and locking it behind him. A rocky start to a Wednesday, he'll admit, and despite a bad feeling crawling up his throat, he's confident that the rest of the day is gonna go smoothly.

He was wrong, so wrong; he realized something was up at the school the second he parked and over half the parking lot gave him accusing looks. After glaring at everyone that made eye contact with him, he grabs the dork's hand and they head into the building the slimmer man needed today- English. Green eyes widen at the crowd inside; it looks like half the entire school has crammed themselves into the main hallway, and boy, it was a little daunting when that many heads turn to look at you in sync. The larger male zeros in one a head of familiar teal hair standing almost innocently amongst the crowd. Cold sweat beads on the back of the jock's neck. He didn't.

"Hey, look, it's Kevin and Edd! How're the lovebirds?" the smirking man asks, sauntering over to them. The sockheaded male tilts his head slightly at Nat.
"We are fine, thank you for asking, Nathan. I'm curious as to what event is taking place here; why are all these people here?" Edd replies. Kevin catches the taller male's gaze, seeing the mischevious glint. He pales; did Nat blab?!

"Oh, nothing, really. These people just simply don't believe you two are an actual item. Some rumor flying around that you guys are just pretending to date?"

He did. That dickhead.

A growl escapes his throat despite himself; if this fucker just ruined his chances of getting that Eagle, he's gonna shove the entire parking lot up his-

"How ridiculous~!"

To his utter surprise, the dork is giggling at the accusation. Fucking. Giggling. He feels relief flood his system as he wraps his arm around the younger man's waist. When did the dork get so good at acting? Oh, wait, he's friends with Eddy. And has hidden his tumor thing for over five years; yeah, he thinks the sockhead had to be good at acting.

"And what are these people hoping to see, if I may ponder? It is quite clear Kevin and I are dating."

Kevin smiles down at his boyfriend. More than likely, these losers want to see them snuggle and coo at each other; he can do that, easy. The blue-eyed man fits snuggly into his side anyway. Good thinking, dork. His smile fades away, however, when he looks at Nat, who surprisingly has made his smirk look even more mischevious, almost malicious.

"They are here, Double D, to see you and Kevin have a hot and steamy make-out session. That's all."

Eddward can practically feel the floor falling away from him as panic seizes him. Oh dear, oh my! His plan has just gone out the window- there is no way on Earth Kevin is going to agree to this. That was one of his conditions! The one he was QUITE adamant about, he might add. Seeing his plans for the future crumbling around him, the blue-eyed man sighs in resignition. He places a soft smile on his face and turns to the redhead.

"It's alright, Kevin," he whispers, "you don't have to do this. You can still have the motorcycle, I'll be fine."

Dull green eyes stare back at him, fear and shock almost pouring out of those orbs. His smiles feels genuine as he nods softly, pulling away from the taller man. His movements come to an arupt halt, however, as Kevin grabs both of his arms, a look of challenge on his visage. His eyes widen once he realizes that the athlete's face is drawing closer to his own. A blush rises to his cheeks as his personal space is invaded, pulse quickening when he can feel the redhead's breath on his lips.

"I ain't a quitter, Double D," he murmurs, "and you giving me the Eagle now would be meaningless." And with that, Kevin brings their lips together in a surprisingly soft kiss. Pale eyelids flutter shut at the contact, a shuttering gasp escapes him, breaking the contact for a second. He doesn't even have time to be disappointed at the loss; Kevin returns with another kiss, this one with a little bit more force than the last, then another, and another. Wonderful sensations course through the young genius; he never knew kissing could feel this heavenly. Slender fingers grasp at solid shoulders as he kisses back tenatively, not quite sure if he is reciprocating correctly. A shock of pleasure shoots through him when Kevin moves his arms, one hand holding the back of his head, and the other grounds him by the hip and pulls them closer simultaneously. He moans when the redhead tilts his head and kisses him at a different-and much more pleasureable- angle. The sockhead barely registers that his legs are turning to jelly, causing him to cling tighter onto the other man. After what feels like an eternity of bliss, the two part for air. With each breath, Edd's mind clears, and eventually freezes at the realization of the event that had just transpired. Kevin just kissed him, in front of all these people, despite having an out. Hope soars in his heart. Could this mean that the tanner male finds him physically attractive?! He bites his lower lip, staring wide-eyed into surprised green orbs. The spell is slowly broken, however, when Kevin slowly turns away and tells the crowd,

"There, ya perverts. Now get lost, we all got classes to go to."

Chapter Text

How to Date an Ed

Chapter 13

Kevin grabs the dorks hand and walks through the parted crowd. He tries to think about what the hell just happened, but all that's running through his head is static. The red head vaguely recalls grabbing the smaller male's hand and dragging them into an bandoned classroom, where he flings himself into a desk and stares blankly at the white board at the head of the room. Glazed green eyes search for an answer to what the fuck he did. His brain slowly kickstarts to recall the past ten minutes.

Okay, so they were outed by Nat. Asshole. What's his game? The athlete can still feel the panic that sped through his veins, the shock when the dork laughed it off and lied through his gaped teeth, the short relief when he thought they could pull this bluff. And then the teal-haired prick of a friend demanded they make out like a couple of freshmen in high school. Rage and fear had filled him at that point, he remembers that clearly. He- above all else- did NOT want to kiss the dork he might be considering a friend. And he wasn't going to. He even had cooked up a plan claiming about Edd being too shy or some shit.

But then he looked at the dork. A defeated slump had graced his shoulders, his eyes had dulled- practically lifeless!- and a sad smile had adorned his face. Kevin never knew what people had meant about a sad smile until now: when someone is smiling, but you know that they would rather be crying. The dork-fucking martyr- had told him that he could take the Eagle anyway. That he would be fine. That, essentially, these past few days of panic, drama, and heavy secrets being revealed meant nothing.

The fury and determination that had roared inside him at that moment was nearly overwhelming- the red-head remembers this; he could barely see straight when he had grabbed the sock-headed genius. He remembers saying something about rewards not being worth it or some shit, while mentally psyching himself to go through with the peer pressure. He had tried to imagine the dork as a girl, but that didn't really work; it was still the dorky genius standing there. Kevin barely remembers thinking, 'Fuck it,' and-

Holy shit, he kissed the dork. The memory finally clicks into clarity. He didn't just kiss Eddward; he almost got to first base with the sock head. That first brush of the lips, he barely felt it, in fact. He honestly thought he had missed and was kicking himself on having to do it again. But then the next kiss happened. And, nope, it was fact- the smaller male's lips WERE that soft. After that, it was almost as if someone was controlling Kevin; he couldn't STOP kissing the dork. Over and over, and with more urgency in each kiss, the whole world- and his mind, apparently- had stopped and left the two of them alone.

That was when the genius started to kiss back. Shyly, as if he didn't know what to do. And, wow, that was much better than just him doing all the kissing. His arms had moved on their own by then- they had locked onto the dork and pulled them closer together, which had caused some sort of bubble of excitement in his chest. The redhead had then changed the angle of their kissing- much more comfortable- and a moan had escaped the other's throat, sending a pleasurable tingle down his spine.

The two had to finally part for air, which was a bit of a shame, Kevin had thought at the time. He really could have done that forever. Green eyes had blinked at that thought as a cold bucket of reality was dropped on him. Suddenly everything was too loud, too sharp, too bright. The athlete had turned to look at the crowd that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere- or were they there the whole time?- and he had told them to get lost.

Which brings him back to where he is right now, in an empty room with a genius of a man with the softest lips probably known to mankind. Who just so happens to be looking quite terrified and concerned at him.

"Kevin? Can you hear me??"

Oh shit, has the smaller male been talking to him this whole time? From the look on his face, he'd put his money on Yes. He nods at the frantic young man jerkily. He's not entirely sure what to do or think right now. Two things he knows for sure though: He kissed the dork in front of him and LIKED it, and he is TERRIFIED of liking it. Worse, he is pretty sure he wants to do it again.

"Thank goodness. I had feared you had gone into catatonic shock. Are you alright?" the sockhead asks.

He shakes his head no. He is not alright. Is he alright? Is it okay to like kissing a man- a gay man? His whole world has been thrown for a loop, so more on the side of "trying not to panic" would be a good answer.

"Kevin, please speak to me. I know a panic attack can leave you speechless sometimes, but you only making head gestures is not ensuring me of your wellness and is raising my anxiety."

Kevin's face scrunches up. So much for trying not to panic. Whelp, guess it's time to try and console the dork- and by console, he of course means look macho and bullshit his way out of this.

"Panic attack? Over what?"

Blue eyes blink at him, looking relieved and confused, "Why over kissing me, of course."

There went trying to look macho. Maybe they could just ignore it, like it never happened?

"I do apologize for my inadequence over the action, as well as for you having to fight your morality over it as well."

The redhead looks at him, feeling very awkward about the conversation, "No, you were fine. I just don't really know how to feel about it, I guess. I mean, I kissed you, not the other way around, dork."

Pale cheeks flush at that comment. Can someone still get embarrassed at this stage?

"Yes, well, I still feel a little guilty about it; your one rule about not having to kiss me was quite clear, so despite you initiating it, I still think that maybe-"

Kevin glares at the man standing over him. Did the smaller man actually think he was manipulated into the kiss?

"If you even suggest about ending this now, I'm gonna deck you, dork."

Double D stares confusedly back at him, "But why? All of your rules have been broken, why shouldn't we terminate? It's not fair for you. I had already stated you would still be acquiring the Eagle, why hurt yourself by continuing this farce with me?"

At that, Kevin stands up. The dork was right, though, on all accounts. Why should he keep this facade up?

Is he bored? Possibly, but that would be a shitty reason to keep doing this.

Curiosity? He knows that's part of it; Double D is very interesting and he wonders how this is gonna end.

Honor? Another possibility; he really doesn't like half-assed projects or events. That's one of the reasons he and Eddy never got along. And if he breaks the deal now, he's gonna feel sleazy, and the Eagle would be forever tainted with that sleaziness.

...He genuinely likes the dork? As a friend, absolutely. Despite only truly knowing him for a little bit, he can tell that Edd is a good guy. Quirky, but good. As anything else...? He doesn't know; probably- which scares the shit out of him- but that's not going to stop him from wanting to be the dork's friend. He'll just shut out the weird thoughts and any other unwanted emotions. Like a normal person.

Nodding, he stands in front of the dork, finally noting on how much shorter the other man is- barely touches his chin.

"Because I like you, dork. And I'm curious at what crazy adventures we'll get into during our two weeks of dating."

A gasp escapes Eddward once Kevin answers. Kevin likes him?! Even after being peer pressured into kissing him! What alternate dimension did he fall into??

"B-but you know that after the stunt we just p-pulled, we'll be expected to... t-to.." the genius falters, feeling his cheeks aflame. He's talking about future kissing sessions with Kevin,TO Kevin! Did the athlete not think about this?! To his astonishment, the tan male shrugs.

"Yeah, I know. But you don't kiss bad, so it's cool, I guess."

Edd's heart jumps into his throat. Kevin doesn't mind kissing him?!

"Plus, you kinda need to practice on someone before you go out into the real dating world."

Embarrassment floods the young genius' system. So he has no talent in the kissing department, and Kevin feels bad enough to give him lessons discreetly. Lovely. Some hope rises in his chest regardless; Kevin DID say he likes him, more logically as a friend than anything else, but just that would be enough, Edd thinks.

"I would appreciate the practice, I suppose. Thank you, Kevin."

A white grin greets him. Be still, frantic heart!

"Cool. Let's actually get to class then."

The sockhead nods and follows the taller male out of the classroom. It's not until the pair have almost reached to the genius' next class does he realize- they've been holding hands this entire time.

Eddward sits in his class in a daze. He can barely take proper notes; the genius wonders if he's dreaming. Everyone believes he is dating Kevin Barr, which is in fact false, yet if he squints mentally, even he could believe it to be true. The red head never ceases to amaze him, not only by agreeing to this absurd request, but also by overcoming his own rules-willingly- as well as staying to fufill said request to the appointed date. And becoming more charming by the minute. The sockhead can't stop himself from grinning.

Kevin liked kissing him. Or, he doesn't mind it, which is just as good in Edd's book. And good Lord, he liked kissing Kevin, despite the germs that come with it. A flash of heat strikes him, causing his cheeks to glow bright red and a warm sweat to break out on his back. His accursed sweater sticks to him as he tries to cool down.

"Mr. Vincent? Did you need to head to the clinic?" his teacher asks. Eddward glances up at Mr. Daggonait, a tall man with shaggy silver hair, who looks quite similar to one Professor Snape-only with glasses and a much less menacing stare.

"Oh, no, sir, my apologies for any disrupt I have caused," the young genius chirps, quite embarrassed about being called out. Gracious. He needs to focus on his class work, not be daydreaming about Kevin and their fantasy dating life. Shaking his head, he gets back to the English questions that need to be answered.

Fuck. He can't concentrate on anything. Not his physics lecture- which he really should be paying attention to- not the many eyes staring at him, not how once again the asshole from yesterday's class left gum on the bottom of his desk and is ruining his skinny jeans again- nothing. All he can focus on is the memory of pale pink lips on his and wrestling with the urge of wanting the feeling again. Fuck. He's straight, God dammit! There should be no physical reason he would want to kiss the dork 'til the end of time. Yet, here he is, ignoring his physics teacher (who is starting to walk this way, shit.)

Kevin tries to look like he was paying attention for the past fifteen minutes as the professor steps in front of his desk. Mr. Jagone is a tall slim man, who looks like he stuck a finger in a live socket; his black hair is spiked in all directions. His cold blue eyes are covered by some hippie looking glasses as he crosses his arms.

"Mr. Barr, care to tell me why the rest of the class is so fixated on you today? Or as to why you aren't paying attention to me either?"

Tan cheeks burn with embarrassment and rememberence. Couldn't his classmates be a little more subtle? Okay, let's see if he can bullshit his way out of this.

"Sorry, sir, but I was trying to figure out a physics problem. I just can't seem to get to a right answer." The older male perks up at the answer, smiling slightly.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out, Kevin, but just like my lecture is about today: there are always exceptions to every rule. Even in physics. Speaking of which, turn to page..."

Unfortunately for the wild-looking scholar, Kevin's mind checked out right then, pondering over what he's just learned. An exception to every rule? Even sexuality? The cogs in the athlete's head start turning rapidly. So, theoretically, he-Kevin- could be a hundred percent heterosexual, and still find a guy attractive?? The red-head takes off his hat and ruffles his hair in shock. It's the only plausible explanation- he must be attracted to Double D, who is the exception. Green eyes roll into the back of his head as he groans and leans back in his seat; of COURSE his only exception would be the sockheaded genius. It's completely ironic, if he thinks about it. He terrorized the man when they were younger, and was seriously regretting doing this stupid deal, so now God- or whoever is running this shit show- decided to make the situation worse by making him be attracted to the gap toothed genius.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

Needless to say, the jock races out of his class the moment it's over, on a hunt. Where is that teal-haired bastard? His fist has an appointment with the other's face. Kevin finds Nat in the library, bothering some mousy-looking girl. He sneaks up behind his friend, taps him on the shoulder, and sticks his fist out to the left. He waits for the other male to do his signature feint and watches as he dodges right into his knuckles.

"Ow, what the fuck?!"

All the people in the library shush him as Kevin grabs him by the shoulder and tosses him outside. Sometimes, the red head is very thankful that the areas of the school are in completely different buildings. This is one of those times. He stares down at his friend who is holding his face gingerly.

"Dude, what the actual fuck?" Black eyes glare at him.

"That's my line, ass. What the fuck was that shit show this morning?" Kevin asks calmly, cracking his knuckles. It's Nat's fault. If he wasn't peer-pressured (honor-pressured?) into kissing the dork, he wouldn't be having these weird exception feelings or whatever. Him and Double D would have just been friends, and they could have looked back on these two weeks as a laugh.

Nat glares even harder, if that was even possible, "Dude, that was your shit show. I gave you an out; I heard Double Decadent give you an out! Don't get your man-panties in a twist because you actually liked kissi-"

The red-head covers the other's mouth with his hand, "Utter one more word and I will end you."

One teal eyebrow raises haughtily, but he nods. The athlete lets go, then pokes his nose threateningly.

"I told you not to tell anybody, though. So, back to my line: what the actual fuck, bro?"

Nat grimaces, "Well, yeah, you said not to tell anybody, so I spread a small rumor that I knew would blow up and warp into the truth which discreetly told everybody. So, I honestly didn't tell anyone."
Kevin face palms, then thwacks Nat upside the back of his head, smirking.

"Smartass. You knew what you were doing. You just wanted the deal to be over so you could get into the dork's pants faster."

The teal-headed male holds the back of his head and sticks his tongue out, somehow being able to chuckle.

"Heh, guilty. What can I say? I REALLY wanna touch his butt. And the King shall have all the butts!" Kevin chuckles and shakes his head.

"Dude, being weird again."

"ALL. THE. BUTTS."

"Are you even listening?"

Eddward waits outside his English class for Kevin, who isn't here yet. Perhaps he needed to use the restroom? His pondering screeches to a halt as he spots a familiar figure. Oh, no, not again. It's Lucas Tucker, and oh lord, the man has spotted him. The sockhead feels his knees lock as the blonde approaches him.

"Hey, loser. Where's your boyfriend?"

Is the man actually trying to have a decent conversation? Mayhap Hell is a real place and has frozen over after all.

"I don't believe he is here yet. Erm, how are you today?"

The taller male brighten up at the civil comment, and leans on the wall next to the young genius. Eddward shifts his weight, slightly nervous. Tucker is in his bubble.

"So I heard you two had your first public kiss today."

Black eyebrows crinkle in confusion. Why would the bully want to know about that?

"Yes? I don't understand what the big deal about that is, however. Couples do that sort of thing all the time, correct?" The blonde nods, brown eyes never leaving Edd's face.

"Yeah, but those couples never stay together for long. Maybe a week; a month at the longest."

Edd can't help but gasp, not only in horror, but because the blonde is now officially way too close for comfort. Back up, back up, back up, back up! Tucker blocks his escape with his arm, effectively trapping him. The smaller male can't help but groan; of course Kevin is nowhere to be found when he ABSOLUTELY NEEDS-

Before he can finish his thought, two different shoes kick Tucker's side and send the large male flying.

-him?

Double D stares in shock at Kevin and Nat, the latter striking some sort of superhero pose. He watches the red head roll up his sleeve- oh dear, his bicep is almost bursting, be still gay heart!- and stroll up to Tucker in obvious anger.

"What did I fucking tell you, asshole?" the blonde on the ground tries to scramble away, but his back hits a corner. Kevin towers over the blonde, looking very intimitading. Tucker babbles apologies and begs for mercy. Blue eyes widen as a tan fist raises in the air, ready to strike.

"Wait!"

Kevin freezes, and slowly turns to the younger man. Edd's blood freezes in fear; the red head has one of the scariest faces he has ever seen. This isn't just furious, Kevin must be completely bloodthirsty- a feat that not even Eddy has been able to drag out of the athlete. Swallowing thickly, Edd slowly -slowly! Knees, please work- walks over to the redhead and gently grabs the fist. Which was a bit high up, so the sockhead had to get on his tip toes. Gradually, he sees Kevin relax, dropping his fist. Edd holds onto his hand, lightly leading him away from the crumpled heap of pathetic on the floor, Nat trailing behind them.

Once they're far away enough, Edd lets go of Kevin's hand and drops to the ground, doing his best not to hyperventilate.

"Holy shit, Double Damn! That was badass!" Nat gushes over him, patting his back a little more than roughly.

"W-what? Me? No, you and Kevin were the ones who saved me; you both looked very heroic," the sockhead mutters, gaining feeling back in his knees. The teal-headed man shakes his head vigorously.

"No way, dude! I've never seen anyone not only stand up to Kevin when he is beyond pissed level, but also calm him down enough to walk away from a fight!"

Eddward looks at Kevin at that statement, who just tucks his hands in his hoodie pockets and looks away from the other two. The genius can feel his pale cheeks flushed. Though by what emotion he is not entirely sure.

"R-really? I just felt that Tucker had more than enough. Not only that, but the school really does not approve of violence; I didn't want you two suspended because of me," he mumbles. He hears more than sees the redhead turn towards him.

Lightly, he is startled when the athlete suddenly drops to his level, green eyes locked onto blue. Edd feels his heart racing. It's just like before; when Kevin had kissed him, the emotional hurricane that is stirring inside him is raging.

"Thanks, dork. I really don't need a suspension right now," the tan male smiles at him. He smiles back and suddenly, Kevin gives him a quick peck on the lips and hoists him back onto his feet. The pale man cups his mouth, feeling his face grow hot. Somehow that quick peck felt MUCH more intimate than the kissing session from before.

"C'mon, then. We're off to Wendy's today," Kevin states, grabbing Edd's hand and leading them to the sidewalk, all the while both of them trying to ignore the jeering Nat.

"Aw, you two are really cute together! Why did I wanna break you up?!"

"Shut up, Nat!"