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He didn’t know when it all began, the petals were basically a part of him.
Taehyun was beautiful, he was perfect. His big, brown eyes are always drawing Huening Kai in. Kai admired Taehyun’s dimples whenever he smiled at something, smiling at Taehyun himself. He’d always catch himself looking at the shorter boy for a little too long, his cheeks turning the slightest shade of pink.
Yes, Taehyun always acted like he was as cold as Antarctica, but he was the cutest boy Kai has ever seen. Taehyun’s eyes always lit up while performing on stage, he really loved performing and the group. Taehyun reminded Kai of a cat, he was so cute. Sometimes, Kai wondered if it was normal to think about his best friend like this.
It didn’t really help how they were always so touchy with each other, it was natural at this point. They were the two youngest members of their group after all, they were always close. The two even shared a room together. They worked out together too, they were like twins. Maybe Huening Kai had a small crush on the boy.
The brunette always thought it was just a little crush that would go away soon, so he repressed these feelings. Everything was going well, his friendship with Taehyun was as close as ever, they always hung out like normal. Huening Kai thought everything was going fine until he felt something in his throat. No matter how many times he tried to swallow it down, it was there. It wasn’t until late at night he tried looking at the item itself. The boy opened his mouth in front of his bathroom mirror, seeing the delicate oval.
Huening Kai has Hanahaki.
The boy pulled the singular petal out of his throat with some gagging, and flushed it.
Like any reasonable person, he hid it. He thought he could get rid of his feelings, hide it from the world forever.
The members were worried as the cold or allergies Huening Kai said it was, never went away. But all Huening Kai could do was brush it off, it couldn’t be that bad.
The group was just hanging around the house, happy to be within the comfort of each other. Huening Kai and Taehyun were cuddled up in a blanket, legs draped on top of each other watching a random movie.
Everytime Taehyun giggled at the movie, he saw the genuine smile in the reflection of the tablet he was holding. His heart hurt a little, knowing the boy was the cause of this.
He felt a petal trying to come out of his throat. The brunette excused himself to the bathroom. He let out a nasty cough and a handful of petals fell in the sink. He let out a defeated sigh.
The members in the living room looked at each other in worry. They really wanted to believe the youngest when he said it was just a cold. But they just couldn’t, they heard his coughing fits all throughout the night.
When the brunette walked into the living room again, the boy saw the worried eyes on him. He knew he could only keep up this act for so long.
“Hueningie, you’ve had this little cough for so long. Have you gone to get it checked?” The leader said,
“Yes, I know. I’ll go tomorrow.” He responded.
The tall boy anxiously waited for the CT scan results to come back, and when they did, he felt his heart drop.
“Huening-ssi, I see the roots of the flowers growing in your lungs. As these aren’t fully developed, do you want the surgery?” The doctor asked,
The boy contemplated for a moment before responding, “What would happen?”
“First of all, you’ll lose all memory of the person you’re having these feelings for—“
After hearing those words, it was a no-brainer, he’s not doing the surgery. He would never give up Taehyun for this surgery. His heart revolved around the same guy that’s slowly killing him. He wouldn’t know what he’d do without that boy. He’ll love Taehyun forever, even if he’s dying.
“Oh… is there any other way?” He said,
“The only other way is to get rid of your feelings totally.” The doctor responded,
Huening Kai slumped in his chair shakily. No way he could do that, not when he loved Taehyun so, so much.
In the end, he said no. But agreed to weekly checkups.
Kai thought Taehyun didn’t notice the weak smiles, or the fake laughs. But more than anything, Taehyun wanted his friend back. The shorter boy tried his hardest to make him smile again. Being more touchy, talking more, and even buying Huening Kai more plushies. But his smiles never reached his eyes.
The younger boy’s heart hurt every time he pushed Taehyun away. But it was for the better. He had to get rid of his feelings before this gets worse.
——
“Taehyunnie,” Huening Kai said quietly, not sure if he heard him,
“Mm, yeah, Kai-yah is that you?” Taehyun responded sleepily,
The boy nodded, then realizing that it was dark and Taehyun couldn’t see him, said, “Can I sleep with you tonight?”
He was fully expecting the other boy to reject him, knowing how he has been isolating himself these days.
Taehyun didn’t need to say anything, he just opened his arms and pulled Huening Kai in. Kai buried his face into the shorter’s chest and finally smiled.
It was nice to finally be with Taehyun after a while. He really loved this boy.
Everytime the taller boy coughed, Taehyun didn’t mention anything but just rubbed his back.
Huening Kai woke up before Taehyun, feeling suffocated. He ran to the furthest bathroom away from their room, it didn’t matter if he could barely breathe. He didn’t want Taehyun hearing anything.
The boy slumped over the toilet bowl coughing and gagging. His vision was getting spotty. Once the item got out of his throat, he heaved, feeling a few more petals coming out. Soon, he was looking down at the toilet bowl in disgust. It was a barely-bloomed flower.
He sat against the wall, knees up to his chest. He didn’t realize there were tears coming out of his eyes.
Kai was exhausted, he couldn’t hide this anymore.
His eyes became heavy as he coughed up a few more velvety petals.
Huening Kai ran his fingers over his brown locks. He doesn’t know what to do anymore.
He sat there for a while, petals littering the cold, tiled floor and a toilet bowl full of petals. He doesn’t even want to think about that flower.
“Ningie, are you in there? It’s been 30 minutes,” A voice belonging to Yeonjun said behind the door.
He snapped out of his thoughts and responded, “Umm, yeah I’m okay. I’ll be out soon.”
The brown-haired boy picked up a handful of bright flowers off the floor and dumped them into the toilet. He looked at the toilet full of different colored flowers and flushed them.
He wishes he could just flush all the flowers from his lungs.
The boy splashed his face with cold water, wincing a little, and finally stepping out of the bathroom.
He was just about to walk to his and Taehyun’s room again, wanting to be with his best friend. Until he heard Yeonjun calling for him.
“Kai-yah! Come here, we need to talk.”
His eyes widened, no way he could’ve known. Kai has been careful to always excuse his coughing or lack of breath. He immediately turned around and walked to where Yeonjun was sitting on the couch and sat. Trying to act as calmly as he could. Avoiding any eye contact.
Yeonjun wrapped his arm around Huening Kai’s broad shoulders,
“Hueningie, I found a petal,” Yeonjun started,
Huening Kai stiffened up and said, “Oh…” he paused for a second, "How'd you find it?”
“On your bed.”
Kai tried not letting any tears fall, he really did. He didn’t want Yeonjun to see how much this was really affecting him.
But Yeonjun saw it from a mile away, the small sniffles and how his body shuddered. Yeonjun hugged the younger protectively, rubbing small circles around his back. His heart breaking every time the taller boy coughed. Shedding some tears of his own.
“Kai-ah, you don’t have to tell me anything. But please, I don’t want to lose you,” The raven-haired boy said between sniffles.
The boy in his arms didn’t say anything, or even move at all.
“It’s Taehyun isn’t it,” The athletic boy said,
Kai slightly nodded, deep down hoping the other boy didn’t notice. But Yeonjun did, Yeonjun always did.
“Please tell him, Kai-ah, you have to.”
“Can’t… I can’t.”
“Ningie, I’m not going to make you do anything, but please, we can’t lose you,”
Those words made Kai’s heart break. He couldn’t leave them. But there was no way he would give up Taehyun.
——
Kai knew practice would be harder with the flowers, but he didn’t think it was this hard. It felt like he couldn't get any moves right. Tears of frustration welled up in his eyes but they were always quickly blinked away.
“Here Kai-yah it’s like this.” Yeonjun said,
Kai furrowed his brows, trying to focus on the dancer’s moves and not the creeping feeling in his throat. He swallowed the lump in his throat and tried again.
“Okay, I think you’re all getting tired,” The dance instructor looked at Huening Kai, “let's take a small break now.”
Kai sat down and hung his head low, he was getting lightheaded. He looked up at the mirror across from him, eyes tracing over his dark under eye circles in contrast to his pale complexion. When did that get there? It had to be many nights staying up, coughing colorful petals into the toilet.
The brunette walked to the bathroom, giving the excuse he wasn’t feeling well. Then he coughed as hard as he could. He wanted to cough until all the petals were out of his system.
Huening Kai zoned out the rest of dance practice, hiding behind his bangs. He didn’t want to see his members’ annoyed faces.
The boy huffed and buried his head in his hands once he got in the car. Yeonjun, the only one who knew the truth about his condition, hugged him tightly.
“Kai-yah, let’s play games when we get home.” Beomgyu said.
It wasn’t long until the other members joined in and said ‘me too!’
“Ah, I think I have a doctor’s appointment today. I’m sorry.” Huening Kai said.
Taehyun instantly looked at him with worried eyes, it has been a long time since he and Huening Kai were together. He was always isolating himself lately.
Taehyun reached over and pulled the younger boy to lay Kai’s head on his own shoulder. He played with the taller boy’s hair until Kai fell asleep. Kai could always try to hide his feelings but Taehyun could see right through him. Taehyun wants his Kai back. He missed Kai even though he was right here.
——
“Huening Kai-ssi, the disease is getting much, much worse. It is spread more throughout your lungs. Soon, it will be very difficult to breathe anymore. Remember, it’s not too late to do the surgery.” The doctor said, his eyes filled with pity for the patient in front of him.
Much worse? Maybe Kai hadn’t seen the increase in petals lately, the aches in his body, or the way he breathed heavily after only walking up a flight of stairs. Most importantly, he never noticed the worry his members had. At this point, it was just normal for him.
“A-Alright, I’ll let you know.” Kai muttered,
“I recommend that you get the surgery before it’s too late.”
Huening Kai nodded in return, knowing he was never going to get the surgery.
“I can prescribe you these antibiotics, maybe it can lessen the effects on your body.” The doctor stated.
Kai nodded, “Thank you.”
When the tall boy walked out of the doctors office, all he wanted to do was be with Taehyun.
It would be impossible to get rid of these feelings.
——
He wanted to disappear from this world forever. Kai was tired of holding back his coughs, hiding the petals, and most importantly, hiding his feelings.
Kai sobbed alone on the couch, he felt so helpless. He heaved, trying to take in as much oxygen as possible while crying and having the flowers and petals block his airway.
What he didn’t notice was his friend coming near him. It wasn’t long before he felt a pair of strong arms around him.
“Tae—“ Kai started.
The shorter boy hushed him and pulled him impossibly closer. Huening Kai buried his face into the crook of the other boy’s neck, crying into it. Huening Kai was trying his hardest to hold back his coughs, not to worry his Taehyun. But he noticed it immediately, he couldn’t see his best friend like this.
The pair stayed like that for a while, until Kai’s sobs died down and dissolved into only sniffles. Letting out little coughs, from time to time letting out a painful cough.
“Hueningie, please, what’s going on?” Taehyun said, voice filled with tears,
When did Taehyun start to cry?
“Don’t cry Taehyunnie,” Huening Kai mumbled while wiping his friend’s teary face.
“How could I not? I miss you so much Kai-ah,” The boy said weakly before burying his face into Kai’s hair inhaling the vanilla scent,
I love you Taehyun. That’s what Huening Kai wanted to say. I love you so much I would rather die than live a life not knowing you.
“I’m sorry Taehyunnie, I’m so, so sorry.”
I’ll be with you forever, even in the afterlife.
——
Huening Kai grimaced seeing the pile of petals, mixed with some barely-bloomed flowers. He dreaded the day when these flowers actually bloomed. As the days go on, he really feels like a shell of himself. He can’t eat food without it coming right back out along with the delicate petals.
It’s like a routine, wake up, take medicine, practice, practice, and practice. He cannot sleep anymore with the constant flowers and coughing. Kai tried to be quiet, he would rather choke to death than disturb his roomate.
He’s exhausted, Huening Kai has been trying so hard the past few months to get rid of his feelings for his best friend but he just can’t. He knows that he's hurting Taehyun being so distant, but it’s better for the both of them. They could stay friends, if he ever confesses to Taehyun, it would definitely ruin their dynamic. The group could fall apart.
Kai had to do this, for his group.
He had finally snapped out of his own thoughts, Kai was not excited for the doctor’s appointment. After the members heard the raw coughs during the night, they basically begged Huening Kai to go back to the doctor’s office. It could be because the antibiotics weren’t strong enough or there was no cure for Hanahaki and he knew that, but he wanted to think everything was okay.
Now, he couldn’t think about anything but the doctor’s appointment. Huening Kai curled up on the sofa, waiting for the driver to pick him up.
“Huening-ah, can I come to your doctor’s appointment today?” Beomgyu said,
“I’m sorry Beomgyu hyung, but I don’t think they let more than the patient come in. Yknow, sick people and all that,” Huening Kai responded, easily coming up with that lie.
“Ah, no worries Hueningie. Tell me how it goes okay?” The long haired boy said with a smile.
Kai nodded in response.
Once Huening Kai made it to the doctor’s office, he first started off by doing another scan, he was afraid of the results.
“Kai-ssi, how have you been feeling lately?” The doctor questioned, looking intensely at the scan results.
“Uhm, it’s going fine. I guess,” Huening Kai lied again,
“You don’t have to lie to me, I’m a doctor after all. I've seen many patients just like you,” The doctor stated.
“Well, I’ve been coughing up more petals lately, and some have almost been a fully bloomed flower. Also, the pain in my chest has gotten way worse and I lose my breath very easily now.”
The doctor looked at me with pity, “I’m sorry to say this but, I don’t think you have much time left.”
Huening Kai’s eyes flooded with tears, was it really that bad? He looked at the doctor with glossy eyes and nodded, wanting him to continue.
“I’m estimating seven more months for you, Kai-ssi.”
Kai huffed out a puff of air, seven more months? He didn’t know if he would even be strong enough to do anything by then. All of his energy has been drained from his disease, it’s taking up his whole life.
The doctor looked at him with understanding before Huening Kai left. He didn’t know what he was going to do.
Once he got home, the four members were waiting for him.
“Kai-ah, how was it?” Soobin said,
“The doctor just prescribed me some antibiotics, it’s not really that bad,” Kai smiled,
He didn’t know how to tell them he didn’t have much time left.
“Well, the doctor did prescribe me some last time I went, but they raised the dose and I already feel much better,” Kai said, hoping to lift the worry off of his friends’ faces,
Yeonjun looked at him with disappointed eyes, Huening Kai hoped it wasn’t obvious to the others he was lying. Huening Kai left for his room, nearly in tears. He curled up in his bed and quietly sobbed. He wanted to be with Taehyun, he didn’t just want to be friends with him. But he didn’t know the outcome of it. The youngest didn’t want to ruin the dynamic of the group but he didn’t want to stop loving Taehyun, he didn’t know how to.
Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain in his throat. Huening Kai let out a series of painful coughs, his throat raw at this point. He couldn’t breathe. Kai tried to suck in as much air as he could, getting little to none.
Kai reached into his throat, long fingers grabbing onto the soft petals and pulling the item out of his throat, wincing at the feeling of the thorns scraping the inside of his throat. It was a fully-bloomed flower.
Kai crumpled the rose in his hands, crying into his pillow more. He had to let go of Taehyun, or else he was going to die.
He truly felt hopeless.
——
Huening Kai felt tired all the time. No matter how many hours of sleep he had. The boy was still practicing in the dance studio, needing more breaks as the flowers limited his breath.
“Kai-yah, you need to work on your stamina more!” Beomgyu yelled jokingly.
Kai forced himself to laugh a bit before responding “I know right? I’ll be better about it next time.”
Yeonjun looked at him with pity. It wasn’t Kai’s fault he was losing his energy. Yeonjun tried to look after Huening Kai, every now and then having little coughing fits while dancing. There wasn’t much he could do.
The tall boy danced tirelessly for hours, trying hard to keep up with his members.
——
On the rare week that the group had off, they all decided to watch a movie at home. They planned to go out, but with Huening Kai’s condition, they couldn’t. None of them knew what was going on with their youngest, beside Yeonjun. The oldest felt so guilty he couldn’t do anything. The only thing Yeonjun really knew was that Huening Kai had Hanahaki, not the limited time he had left.
Huening Kai frequently let out loud coughs throughout the movie, even though no one said anything, they looked at each other with frustration. They wanted to know what happened to their youngest, the low energy, sunken eyes, and loss of breath didn’t go unnoticed.
Kai walked to the bathroom with shaky legs, not knowing four pairs of eyes were following him. Closing the door, he sat down and pulled his knees to his chest. He was trying to suck in as much oxygen as possible. Repressing the flowers and petals wanting to come up all day, it’s all going to come out in one big pile.
The boy kneeled in front of the toilet seat, trying to force the flowers out of his throat. He didn’t know how much longer he could live with this disease. Huening Kai gagged, trying to reach his long fingers down his throat.
Finally, flowers, buds, and petals came out of his throat along with stomach acid. His mouth burned, his throat felt cut up from the flowers’ thorns. Huening Kai laid down on the cold tile floor, it was a relaxing contrast to his warm body. Did he have a fever too? But he couldn’t be there for long, the members would be worrying about him.
Flushing the toilet a couple of times, to really make sure there was no evidence of the cursed petals Kai didn’t know what he’d do if any of the other members found out. He had to be more careful now since he’s been coughing up more petals and flowers.
Once he got out of the bathroom, he went back to the living room and sat next to Taehyun. He had to spend as much time as he could with his members, before he was dead. Taehyun was watching something on his phone, not really interested in the movie anymore. Huening Kai rested his head on Taehyun’s shoulder, watching the random video on Taehyun's phone.
Taehyun wrapped his arm around Huening Kai, the other holding his phone. Even through the hoodie Kai loved to wear, he felt the heat radiating off of his friends’ body. Taehyun felt Kai’s forehead, it was weirdly hot. Huening Kai definitely had a fever.
“Kai-ah, you have a fever, why are you wearing this hoodie?” Taehyun whispered.
Huening Kai just groaned and moved closer.
“Let’s take this off?” Taehyun asked the boy.
Kai shook his head without saying any words. He didn’t want to show his figure to Taehyun or the members, he’s changed so drastically ever since the disease took over his life.
The younger boy shed a few unnoticed tears, he was so drained. It was incredibly difficult to hide his disease from his friends now. Even though he was dying, he didn’t want to burden his best friends. It was better to just act like it was fine.
Unknowingly, he fell into a deep sleep. The sickness was wearing him down, it was obvious he didn’t feel any better.
Taehyun was so worried. Huening Kai hasn’t been himself for so long. Ever since Kai started being distant to Taehyun, nothing’s been the same. A look of permanent exhaustion etched Huening Kai’s face.
The raven-haired boy hugged the taller tightly, and cried.
A large hand ran through Taehyun’s hair, comforting him.
“Taehyun-ah, why are you sad?” Soobin said, looking at the pale boy in his arms,
“I just want to know what’s wrong with him hyung,” Taehyun said through tears,
Yeonjun had a look of guilt hearing those words, he couldn’t spill Huening Kai’s secret to everyone. Especially when Huening Kai has been hiding it for so long.
“I know, I know. I wish he’d say something to us, we’re so worried,” Soobin said, holding back some tears himself.
Beomgyu was curled up on the couch, hastily wiping his tears with his hoodie sleeves. Wanting to be strong for his members, he didn’t want to show his weakness. He reached over the couch and ruffled the sleeping Huening Kai’s hair.
“I’ll bring him to our room now,” Taehyun muttered, voice filled with tears,
Taehun picked up the six-foot-tall giant with ease, walking up the stairs without even breaking a sweat. Taehyun hadn’t gone to the gym in ages.
The shorter boy knew it was something serious, but he didn’t know what it was. He couldn’t help his best friend, and it was killing him.
Huening Kai woke up due to the movement, but his eyelids felt like bricks. He didn’t move a muscle while Taehyun was carrying him. He felt like Taehyun could practically feel his rapid heartbeat.
Kai’s mind was hazy, he couldn’t process anything around him but Taehyun’s arms carrying him.
Taehyun carried Kai into his own bed and went in with him.
Talking to a seemingly sleeping Huening Kai, Taehyun said, words broken between sniffles, “Kai-yah, please tell me what’s wrong soon. I don’t know how to help you.”
Taehyun pulled Kai closer and began softly crying into his hair. He felt so useless. Huening Kai’s heart broke hearing his friend’s cries, he's crying because of him. The younger one didn't know how to comfort Taehyun without being so obvious.
Eventually, Kai wrapped his hand around Taehyun’s waist, acting as if Taehyun was one of his plushies. He was hoping to calm the older boy’s cries. Maybe Taehyun would think this was just a habit. Taehyun’s sobs slowly but surely dissolved into little sniffles, hugging Huening Kai as tight as possible. Maybe a little too tight but Huening Kai would never tell him.
Huening Kai was so comfortable in Taehyun’s arms, he swore he felt a small kiss on the forehead before falling asleep. Peacefully, for the first time in a long time. It felt like everything was okay again.
——
Kai woke up on Taehyun’s chest, hearing his steady heartbeat was comforting, he never wanted to get up. He laid there for a few seconds, registering where he was.
“Mm, Taehyunnie?” Huening Kai questioned, sleep still apparent in his voice,
“Yes Kai-yah?” Taehyun responded, running his fingers through Kai’s brown hair,
“Wha— What happened?” Head still foggy, Kai took a few seconds to form coherent words.
“You fell asleep, don’t you remember?”
Huening Kai mumbled something Taehyun couldn’t really catch. The older sat Kai up on the bed, planning to give him fever reducers. Kai’s head felt so heavy on his shoulders, he hung his head down, not having any energy to keep it up.
The tall boy let out a few coughs into his hand, catching the petals and stuffing them into the pocket of his hoodie. It felt like eternities until Taehyun came back.
“Hueningie, open your mouth, take your medicine,” Taehyun said gently while holding two pills and a cup of water.
Kai complied, needing to take a few drinks of the water to fully swallow the pills. He should’ve asked Taehyun for cold water, the warm water felt like molten lava in his throat due to the cuts from the thorns of the flowers.
“Thank you Taehyunnie,” Huening Kai said lowly, trying to hide the hoarse voice.
He went to the bathroom, already feeling petals coming up his throat. The pills probably would come up along with the petals. Kai didn’t forget the handful of flowers in his hoodie pocket. He grabbed a paper towel and dumped the handful of flowers into it, rolled it up, then threw it in the trash.
The boy was fully expecting the loss of breath, feeling thorns prick his throat, trying to lodge its way out of his mouth. By this time, he’s been seeing more fully-bloomed flowers recently. He’s been having such a hard time lately, the flowers were fully blocking his airway. He could deal with the small, bloomed, flowers but they’ve grown. It was hard to take in any oxygen at all.
Kai had to manually pull out the spit-soaked flowers, sharp thorns scratching the inside of his throat. Hacking out the seemingly never ending petals from his lungs. He was used to the sensation at this point, it was just another part of this daily life now. Finally, he gained the ability to breathe once again, sucking in as much air as possible as if he’d ran a marathon. Throwing the petals and flowers away, but not before wrapping them up securely in a paper towel.
Not forgetting the schedule Kai still had despite his state, he rushed down to the practice room. The manager had postponed the recording date for Huening Kai since his voice was so rough, he blamed it on a sore throat. Nobody said a word mentioning Kai’s mistakes during dances as they normally would. All of their eyes were locked on the youngest, almost as if they were waiting for his body to fully give up.
He didn’t know why they were still keeping him around anymore, wasn’t he just slowing the group down at this point? A quick break was called, seeing as Huening Kai was breathing very heavily. He secretly took two pills of antibiotics prescribed, hoping the effects would soon go away. Seeing the younger’s mood and overall state, Beomgyu gave him a tight, long, hug. No words were exchanged. Huening Kai stood there, rubbing Beomgyu’s back and hid his face in the crook of the older’s neck. He hoped no one noticed him blinking away tears that welled in his eyes.
Yeonjun looked at the pair, biting his lips in anxiety. Was it really right to keep this secret from everyone? He’s seen the longing looks Huening Kai gave to Taehyun. He’s seen the way Taehyun genuinely smiled when he was around the younger, doing magic tricks to impress Kai and giggling when the other failed to do one. Was it not clear to Kai? They were both in love.
——
Since Kai was so sick, the members doted on him a lot more. They brought medicine, food, blankets, plushies, anything Huening Kai asked for. But all Kai really wanted was Taehyun to love him back. By this point, the youngest didn’t care about getting rid of his feelings anymore. He just accepted it. Kai would probably die due to this one-sided love. Taehyun took care of Kai the most which made Kai fall for him even more.
Taehyun brought him different kinds of medicine, hoping Kai would magically get better and be cured of this sickness that's been getting worse everyday.
He sat on the couch, eyes heavy-lidded. Kai’s head laid on Taehyun’s lap. Holding back loud coughs in order to not disturb the members. He was just letting out a few coughs at a time. Kai wasn’t as discreet as he thought, Taehyun and Beomgyu looked at each other with knowing eyes. Taehyun was running his hand through Kai’s brown hair, the other hand around the taller’s body. His friends were talking about something he couldn’t quite understand. He was just happy to be with his friends.
Soobin walked into the living room, clearly irritated, running a hand over his hair in stress.
“The company said we’ll have a comeback soon, they were making Kai join.” Soobin said, trying not to lose his composure.
Kai stiffened up a little bit.
The living room bursted up with objections, everyone knew Kai’s body couldn’t bear the hours of practice learning new choreos in the dance studio or the harsh conditions of work.
Taehyun held Kai tighter, what were they thinking? He was in no condition to dance, The shorter knew how hard these past few months have been for Kai. He tried to stay strong for Huening Kai, he will never tell him about the nights crying over Kai. Taehyun furrowed his brows, looking at the leader in confusion.
“I know, I tried. I sent emails, arranged meetings, and begged. I’m not going to give up, this comeback has to be pushed back.” Soobin said, once the voices died down.
Huening Kai let out a long breath, turning so he wasn’t lying on his side, but facing upward, looking at Taehyun.
“I’m sorry I can’t do anything to help Kai-yah.” Taehyun said quietly.
Even through unfocused vision, Kai could tell the older’s eyes were full of tears, a few running down his cheeks. He reached up to wipe Taehyun’s wet cheeks gently before saying,
“Don’t cry.” Huening Kai said quietly, he wasn’t even sure if the black haired boy heard him.
Kai wrapped his arms around Taehyun’s torso and buried his face in the boy’s stomach, letting out a content sigh. Letting out a few tears himself.
Eventually, Soobin and Beomgyu worked out something with the company. Through a lot of convincing and arguments, the duo seemed to finally get through to the managers. Bighit released a vague statement, saying the group will be on hiatus because of mental health.
——
Huening Kai was in the dance studio for hours every night. Even in his weakened states, he didn’t want to lose his dance skills if he survived.
It was about 2am, the tall boy had been in that dance studio for hours, he’d lost count at this point. Kai’s joints ached. His legs could barely hold himself up, why did he do this to himself? He breathed heavily, hearing ‘Can’t You See Me’ replay once again. The boy didn’t think he could go on any longer. Kai leaned against the mirrored wall, trying to recollect himself.
He couldn’t take this anymore, he coughed up more petals. Once he thought it was over, more came out of his mouth. The sensation was like choking on something, he only had a second to breathe before another wave of the delicate ovals went up his throat.
Huening Kai couldn’t breathe, he was hyperventilating but he couldn’t bring in any air at all. He was seeing black spots in his vision, he was going to die. Huening Kai was going to die all alone. Kai’s shaky hands went up to his mouth, reaching as far back as possible, trying to pull the flower preventing him from breathing. The petal of the flower only reached his fingertips which he couldn't get a grip on, the spit was making it slippery.
His fingers reached so far back he gagged, he felt stomach acid coming up his throat. A little dripping to the floor but most burning the back of the throat. Retracting his fingers from his mouth, he didn’t expect to see the crimson liquid that coated his fingers.
It was over for him, he was getting dizzy and there was nothing he could do now. His legs eventually slipped from under him, hitting the floor with a crash. Kai had passed out, he knew no one would be there to find him for hours. He felt sorry for whoever did.
Kai was so wrong. Staff working late nights heard music coming from the dance studio late at night. Who could possibly still be practicing this late? As they opened the door, they saw the horrifying scene, Huening Kai’s body surrounded by petals and buds. Blood was seeping out of his mouth and it didn’t look like his heart was still beating at this point.
One let out a scream, one immediately went and did CPR on Kai, and one called the ambulance, nearly in tears. The ambulance came in a few minutes, since it was so late, barely any cars were on the road. They took over CPR, using a lot of strength to attempt to revive the young boy. They carried the boy as quickly as possible into the bed, wheeling him into the van.
The staff rushed to the group’s dorm and knocked repeatedly, hoping someone could hear. Beomgyu didn’t expect the words he heard once he opened the door.
“Huening Kai-ssi is in the hospital.”
His eyes welled with tears, yelling for the others. They quickly followed their manager to the car, following the ambulance to the hospital, knowing their youngest could’ve been dead in there and they won’t know until they get to the hospital. They were all in tears, giving themselves hope Kai will be okay.
Huening Kai is strong right? He’ll get through this.
Kai won’t die, he’ll survive.
He can’t die on us, I won’t let him,
Hueningie was going to live, he will.
Those words were repeatedly said, they hoped Kai was okay. The group was a complete mess, especially Taehyun. The ravenette couldn’t form any coherent words, all he could do was cry into Yeonjun’s chest. He was on the verge of a panic attack. How could he not tell? He was with Kai 24/7 at this point. If he’d just paid more attention Huening Kai would’ve been fine. Taehyun was blaming himself for nothing.
Soobin was trying to hold back tears, wiping every tear with his sleeve. But his pink nose gave it away. His heart was beating out of his chest, the group wouldn’t be complete without Kai. He doesn’t think anyone could continue the group without their youngest.
The doctors denied the four boys access to Kai for a while, they needed to set up everything. They needed to make sure Huening Kai had a chance to survive. The group anxiously waited for doctors to give them any updates, they were desperate to see their youngest. The idea of doctors coming out to tell them, ‘Huening Kai-ssi has passed,’ was always lingering at the back of their minds.
They were eyeing down every doctor coming out of Kai’s hospital room, looking at their body language to see if anything bad had happened to their youngest. But finally, after a few antagonizing hours, a doctor approached them,
“You guys may see Huening Kai-ssi now.”
Taehyun ran in the room, seeing Kai look so weak on the hospital bed made him want to break down. He held back every muscle in him to not hug him tightly. Taehyun resorted to holding his hand, squeezing it softly every so often.
“So, I’m not sure if he has told you yet but, Huening Kai-ssi has Hanahaki. It looks like he only has a few months left, please spend as much time with him as possible.” The doctor started.
There were no sounds in that room except for the beeping of Kai’s heart monitor. More tears ran down Taehyun and Soobin’s faces, that was what was taking Huening Kai from them.
How could they not have known?
Did Kai ever plan to tell them?
Taehyun had been worrying for so long, but the real question was, ‘Who is the person Huening Kai loves?’ He loved that person so much that he wouldn’t even get the surgery.
“This has been happening for about eight months, worsening every day. Usually, the disease doesn’t get this bad in such a short time, but it seems Kai-ssi fell more and more for this person. Which worsened the symptoms.”
Taehyun was crying quietly into his hands, rubbing his eyes raw, nose red. Why couldn’t Kai just tell him?
“Kai-ssi doesn’t have much time left, please spend a lot of time with him so his last few months are as good as possible.”
The doctor left the room, giving the four time alone with the youngest.
The four boys stayed with Kai, day after day, until he woke up. It took him a few minutes to take in his surroundings, all he remembered were the petals. Looking beside him, Taehyun was right there. The weight on his stomach was the other boy’s arm around him.
The three other members were out shopping, not there for Kai waking up. Huenint Kai just took out his phone, quickly texting them that he woke up. They were planning to buy Kai a bunch of plushies, so excited he’ll be up for the suprise.
Kai sat up on the hospital bed, not knowing all the movement woke up Taehyun too. A gasp broke the silence in the room.
“Kai-yah? You’re awake?” Taehyun whisper-shouted.
Kai mumbled something incoherent before saying,
“What happened?” Kai said.
“You passed out, you’ve been here for four days.”
Kai groaned, “I was sleeping the whole time?”
“The whole time.” Taehyun repeated.
Kai didn’t have anything to say.
“Why didn’t you tell us Kai?” The boy continued,
After getting no response he repeated, “Why didn’t you tell us you had Hanahaki?”
Huening Kai’s heart dropped, he didn’t know the doctors told the members. He thought he could just hide it until it was time.
Taehyun was tearing up, getting ready to sob again. He was so frustrated, what did Kai do to deserve this? Taehyun started crying into his hands, that was all he could do. He wanted to help Kai somehow, but he didn’t know where to start.
Hearing small sobs from Taehyun, he wordlessly looked behind him and pulle Taehyun into the hospital bed with him. Holding back tears himself, he rubbed Taehyun’s back softly and laid them both down on the hospital bed.
The pair laid there, Kai held Taehyun tightly in his arms until his sobs dissolved into sniffles. The hospital room was silent, Kai even thought Taehyun fell asleep until he heard Taehyun say,
“Wh— Who is it?”
Kai froze, he couldn’t tell Taehyun. He was afraid Taehyun would feel guilty, or even worse, Taehyun would force himself to like him. Kai couldn’t put that burden on him. All he wanted to do was to stay with Taehyun until he died.
“Please Kai-ah, I— I can help you. I promise!” Taehyun begged him,
“Taehyunnie, I can’t, I don’t want to put that pressure on someone.” Kai responded, voice breaking,
“But they’re killing you.” Taehyun said.
Kai was silent by that point, how would he tell Taehyun that he was his person.
“I know, Taehyunnie, I know.” Kai said through tears.
Taehyun felt so defeated, he wanted to help Kai so badly, he would do anything to make Kai be healthy now. Taehyun would reverse their positions if he could, anything for Kai. Hearing Kai’s heartbeat calmed him down, soon falling asleep in Kai’s arms.
——
By now, Kai had no energy to even get out of bed. Huening Kai couldn’t eat or drink, it would surely just come back up his throat. Kai couldn’t even look at his own reflection without feeling disgust. It looked like life was drained from his body. He was no longer initiating hugs or belly rubs. The boy barely even talked to his members. Kai didn’t even recognize himself in the mirror anymore, he was just a shell of himself.
Even when he was spoiled with plushies, he didn’t feel the excitement he used to. Kai tried to smile for his members, but they could see right through him. They exchanged knowing looks whenever this happened, they would do anything to see him be okay again. But all they could really do was make him feel comfortable during his last few months.
Kai huffed whenever the members checked on him. He didn’t understand why they were still trying with him, he was going to die anyway. Kai spent day and night worrying if he should tell Taehyun. Yeonjun at one point begged Huening Kai to tell Taehyun, no one wanted to lose the youngest.
Kai spent most of his days with Taehyun, he just wanted to be near Taehyun, that was all he wanted from him. He was growing weaker and weaker by the day, his mind was clouded all the time. Endless amounts of petals and flowers came out of his mouth everyday. But he still walked on weak legs to the bathroom, getting rid of them quickly to not worry the members more.
All group activities were canceled until further notice, they didn’t even know themselves if they would continue the group as four.
Yeonjun felt so conflicted, he didn’t want to break Kai’s wishes of keeping his secret. But it was killing him, and Kai wasn’t planning to tell Taehyun anytime soon. He had to find a way to get him to.
Three soft knocks were heard in Taehyun and Huening Kai’s room, then Yeonjun came in. Taehyun was already asleep and Kai was laying next to him on his bed. Yeonjun didn’t say anything but pulled the youngest’s hand, signaling him to get up. They both walked out the hall and Kai made sure to close the door to not disturb his sleeping roomate.
“Kai, please tell someone else about Taehyun.” Yeonjun said, looking directly at Kai’s eyes.
The younger avoided eye contact, hands shaking a little.
“Hyung, I can’t.” Kai said in a hoarse voice.
It hurt his throat a little, a stinging sensation was felt when he talked.
“How about Soobin?” Yeonjun asked, hopeful.
Kai spent a minute contemplating, would Soobin tell anyone? Or would it be a problem for Soobin?
He sighed, “I guess.”
A look of relief washed over Yeonjun’s face, relaxing his tense shoulders immediately.
“Let’s go together then.” Yeonjun stated.
Kai nodded in response, following the older into Soobin’s room. Kai was picking at his lips, he was probably going to have bloody lips by the end of this talk. He didn’t really want to tell Soobin, but he saw Yeonjun’s eyes, filled with unshed tears and couldn’t bear to see him like that.
Soobin’s eyes widened at Kai, seeing how different he looked. Yeonjun explained everything to Soobin, how he knew, when he knew, but not revealing who the person was since he wanted Kai to say it. Kai sat motionless on top of Soobin’s bed, next to Yeonjun. He felt a hand rub his belly, snapping him back to reality.
“Are you ready Kai-yah?” Yeonjun spoke softly.
Kai nodded, pausing for a second to recollect himself to not burst into tears.
“I like Taehyunnie.”
The younger’s eyes were glued to the floors, he didn’t want to face any of them at all. It felt so suffocating in that room.
“Huening Kai, just tell him. What do you really have to lose, right?” Soobin finally spoke up.
Kai gnawed on his lip, there were so many thoughts running through his mind. It felt like his heart was beating out of his chest.
“I— I’ll think about it.”
“We don’t want to lose you. Please take it into consideration Kai-ah.”
The boy nodded, letting Soobin’s words sink in. What was there to really lose? It didn’t really matter if Taehyun didn’t have the same feelings, he already accepted his fate months ago. He didn’t know what to do. Taehyun tried looking for anything to try and find them. Taehyuned needed to make the person Kai loved to like him back, not knowing it was himself.
Taehyun spent many nights crying over Kai, and the other did the same. They were both in love but they both didn’t know it. Taehyun and Kai spent every hour of every day together, they were inseparable. Taehyun thought Kai didn’t like him back and so did Kai, and no one made a move on each other.
Kai finally walked back into their shared room, Taehyun was on his phone while laying down. Once Taehyun saw Kai, he opened his arms and Kai fit right in. They’ve been in this position many times, at this point, almost everyday.
The younger boy didn’t like to cry much, but lately he’s been letting out tears like a waterfall. Kai was tearing up while he was with Taehyun, trying to act like he was watching whatever game the shorter was playing on his phone.
Taehyun noticed how Huening Kai’s body shuddered from time to time, he always noticed. He put his phone down and rubbed Kai’s side with his arms. Kai wanted to confess right then and there, but it was like his mouth was glued shut.
“Kai, please, just tell me who it is. I’ll get them to like you back, you won’t die.” Taehyun stated.
“I don’t want to force them to like me, I’m okay with how much they love me now.” Kai responded.
“But— But you’re going to die, Hueningie.” Taehyun said, shakily.
“It’s okay…” Kai wanted to respond more but he didn’t know what else to say.
“No! Kai, you can’t leave me!” Taehyun started to cry, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
He was so frustrated, at Kai, at himself, and the lack of information he has. He wants to somehow save Kai from the disease, but Kai lost the will to even live.
Kai didn’t want to see Taehyun like this, he wanted to say it, but once he opened his mouth, no words came out. It was like someone took his own voice from him. Kai just hugged Taehyun tighter, on the brink of falling asleep.
“Kai-yah, I love you.”
Huening Kai stiffened up, he was going to cry out of happiness. He looked at Taehyun with shiny eyes, bottom lip quivering.
“Ag— Again.” Kai muttered.
“I love you Kai.” Taehyun responded, voice cracking.
He couldn’t believe it. Taehyun sat the both of them up, Kai’s head fell on his shoulder and an arm around his neck. They were both crying together, and for the first time in so long, they were happy.
“Love you so much Taehyun. I love you so much I would rather die than forget our memories.” Kai said, sobs let out between words.
Kai felt like he was about to die, he thought he was in heaven at this point. He hugged Taehyun so tightly the other boy was going to pop. No more words were shared between the two, only small sniffles were heard. They were so happy, they could spend the rest of their lives together and most importantly, Kai was going to be okay.
Taehyun and Kai were laying together, a hand protectively wrapped around Kai’s back. Taehyun felt like if he let go Kai would disappear.
“Hueningie, when should we tell them?” Taehyun finally said.
“Later…” Kai said, he was too comfortable to move and go out of their room.
The both of them told the others through happy tears, they were sickly in love. Beomgyu ran to the two and hugged them both tightly, letting out a few stray tears. They were all going to be okay.
——
The coughs slowly, but surely died down. The sting in his throat went away, and he coughed up only petals. No more painful thorns. Kai definitely will not miss those flowers. It was like he was in the early stages of Hanahaki again, and Kai will soon not have Hanahaki anymore.
The four members were worried that it wouldn’t really go away, they thought once Kai realized Taehyun liked him back, it would go away quicker. Of course, they dragged the youngest to the car, and drove him to the hospital. Huening Kai didn’t really want to go, he just wanted to stay at home and watch anime and play games all day.
After a quick scan, he saw the root in his lungs have lessened a lot.
“Kai-ssi’s condition has improved a lot from a few months ago. As you can see, his lungs are in much better shape. You could probably feel the difference.” The doctor said.
Taehyun held Kai’s hand the whole time, he squeezed it tightly to keep himself from squealing out of joy. The five boys were smiling so hard, their cheeks were sore from smiling so much.
The doctor brought out a scan from a few months ago, where Kai’s Hanahaki was at its worst and compared to now.
“His lungs are so much more clear, so he won’t have as many breathing problems anymore. Soon, the roots will fully disappear from his lungs and you guys won’t be seeing the petals anymore.” The doctor continued.
Taehyun kicked his feet since he was so excited to finally have Kai be okay. They drove home, bursting in happiness. They all played games all day long, just what Kai wanted.
Kai was draped over Taehyun like a human blanket with the controller in his hands, focused on the TV. The older ruffled Kai’s hair while he was playing, not really paying attention to the game, he just wanted to be with Kai.
“Ewww, go get a room!” Beomgyu said while laughing.
“Hey you’re just mad I won!” Kai responded while rolling his eyes jokingly.
Taehyun giggled, “Okay! Replay, replay!”
He loved seeing Kai like this again, his and Beomgyu’s antics always entertained him. Kai let out a few coughs, Taehyun patted Kai’s chest, he wasn’t worried anymore. Hearing the doctor’s input relieved him from his stress.
The couple was basically attached to the hip, they were always together. Every once in a while, Kai just kissed Taehyun aggressively all over his cheeks.
Taehyun always said while laughing, ‘Kai-yah! You’re so gross!”
Kai always knew he didn’t mean it because of the smile on his face and the small blush on his cheeks. The three other members look at the two in adoration, glad that they finally worked their relationship out.
——
By now, Kai’s disease was absolutely gone from his body. No more coughs, no more petals, and no more pain. His stamina was back and he was himself again.
The couple loved going on dates more than anything in the world. They went out during the evening to go to the fair, only the two of them. Kai wasn’t very fond of fair rides, scared they were more unsafe than the one at the big ones at the amusement parks.
Taehyun convinced Kai to go on the ferris wheel, saying it was slow which meant it was safer. Maybe that wasn’t true, but he wanted to take pictures with Kai to post on Twitter.
The line moved closer and closer.
Taehyun squealed, “This was going to be so fun!”
“Ah, Taehyunnie, how’d you convinced me to do this?” Kai mumbled while smiling at Tashyun.
“Because you looove me!” Taehyun giggled.
Kai laughed at Taehyun’s words, having nothing else to say because it was true, he shook his head in defeat.
“Oh my gosh, it’s so tall.” Kai said, looking up.
They were about to go inside the ferris wheel, so seeing the ride up close made it seem so big. He was so used to seeing it far away. Taehyun was so jumpy, swinging their entangled arms back and forth.
“Let’s take many pictures up there, Moas would love it!” Taehyun exclaimed.
Kai chuckled, “Let’s do it!”
Stepping in the cart, it felt sturdy. The wheel started slowly rolling up, lifting the two in the cart.
“Woah, this is amazing.” Kai whispered, it wasn’t as bad as he thought.
“Pictures now?” Taehyun asked.
“Yes! They’re going to look so good, the sunset is amazing.” Kai said, grabbing his phone out.
“Pose!”
Taehyun held up a peace sign for the first picture, taking many more pictures after. They were at the very top and now Taehyun wanted to take pictures with Kai.
“Okay, my turn! Go pose!” Taehyun said.
He grabbed the phone from Kai and he spammed that photo button while smiling so hard at the screen. They decided to take a few couple pictures, maybe some pictures of them kissing, only they’ll know. Taehyun and Huening Kai took a normal selfie together to post on Twitter, it would be Kai’s first post fully recovered.
They both decided to stop taking pictures to enjoy the view and each other's company. Huening Kai held Taehyun’s hand tightly, nerves still there but had a smile on his face. Once it came back down, he stepped out of the cart, relieved.
“That was so fun, let’s do it again next time!” Taehyun said, jumping up and down a little.
“Taehyun, I might pass out if we do that again…” Kai said while smiling, “Oh wait, let’s go get ice cream!” Kai spotted an ice cream place nearby.
The taller boy dragged the shorter one to the ice cream shop, looking at the many ice cream flavors he obviously picked mint chocolate.
“Eww Hueningie, mint chocolate is so gross!” Taehyun commented.
“What are you even talking about? It’s amazing!” Kai said while laughing.
Taehyun picked vanilla, Kai was holding a cone while Taehyun put his ice cream in a cup. They walked around the fair, eating their ice cream. Taehyun and Kai’s arms were linked, they would’ve been holding hands but Taehyun had to scoop his ice cream with his spoon.
Kai took a little longer eating his ice cream because of the cone. Taehyun laughed at him, wiping some ice cream from Kai’s nose. When he finished, Kai didn’t realize the many food stands there were at the fair, he honestly just thought there were just rides.
“Oh my gosh! Let’s go get tanghulu!” Kai exclaimed.
Taehyun laughed at Kai’s excitement, “Okay I’m paying!”
Kai rolled his eyes at that while laughing himself. Huening Kai took a long time trying to decide what sugar-coated fruits to buy, he wanted all of them. Ultimately, he got the one with strawberry and kiwi. Taehyun got one with only strawberries.
“Mmm, I think this is the best day ever!” Kai said, with a strawberry in his mouth.
Taehyun smiled at Kai, holding his hand again. It was dark now, the lights giving a comfortable atmosphere at the fair. It was still busy at night, many people still enjoying their time.
They were warming each other’s hand by holding them, they wore thick sweaters but they seemed to forget gloves. Kai’s cheeks and nose were red from the cold, Taehyun noticed and rubbed at his face playfully.
“Kai-yah, you look like a tomato!” Taehyun laughed.
“Not my fault it’s cold!” Kai said, rolling his eyes playfully.
The two finally thought it was time to go home, spending hours at the fair together. They look many cute pictures of each other and they felt like they were the happiest people in the world.
The two got home, three other members hanging around in the living room.
“Look at those lovebirds over there.” Soobin spoke, while smiling at them.
“You’re embarrassing me hyung!” Kai said, hiding his face with a smile.
Taehyun and Huening Kai walked to their shared room, Taehyun pulling Kai to his bed. They didn’t even need two beds anymore, they just slept in the same bed all the time. Kai outgrew Taehyun, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t fit into his lover’s arms anymore.
They were tired from their day out, changed into their pajamas and ready to go to bed. Kai was looking through his camera roll with Taehyun, smiling at the pictures they took today.
“Hey, delete that! I look so bad!” Taehyun said.
“What are you even talking about? It’s so cute! I’m making it my lockscreen!” Kai responded, he thought every picture of Taehyun was amazing. He could never have a bad angle.
Taehyun hit Kai’s shoulder playfully,
“Let’s go to bed now Kai-ah.” Taehyun said with a yawn.
“Mmm, okay.” Kai said, turning off his phone and reaching for the lightswitch.
Huening Kai’s legs were tangled with Taehyun’s, facing each other. He wanted this moment to last forever, he was fighting sleep to enjoy this longer. Kai’s arms squeezed Taehyun a little bit tighter, he still couldn’t believe he was actually in a relationship with Taehyun.
Kai kissed Taehyun’s nose gently, thinking he was already asleep. He loved Taehyun so much, he wouldn’t ask for anything else in life. If he was with Taehyun, he would forever be the happiest boy on Earth.
He gently moved strands of hair out of Taehyun’s closed eyes, he was the most handsomest person in the universe. Kai probably had heart in his eyes at this point. The younger boy was so satisfied, all he ever wanted was Taehyun to love him back and it came true. He was laying next to his boyfriend right now, his boyfriend. Kai still couldn’t believe he could call Taehyun his boyfriend.
Little did Kai know, Taehyun was awake the whole time. He felt every little movement Kai did with him, and that almost made him explode. He froze, wanting to feel Kai more. He didn’t know if he was dreaming, he felt Kai kissing his nose ever so softly, treating him like a dandelion, acting that Taehyun was so fragile that if he was too rough, he would float away. Taehyun was glad the lights were off, his whole face was probably red at this point.
“I love you so much Kai.” Taehyun finally spoke.
“I love you Taehyun, I love you so much.” Kai responded in a whisper, not sure if the other heard him.
Taehyun wrapped his arms around Kai even tighter, and they both fell asleep together.