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Chapter Text

The Daffodil Daily

Breaking: New Guild Created to Contain the Growing Threat of Distortions

The Guild of Distortion Control was recently opened to the public last Wednesday. A press conference with Hyacinth’s Agency of Guild Administration revealed that they are desperate to do something to relieve the general populace of their fear, and therefore established the GDC to minimize the impact if any more Distortions open.

The appointed head of the GDC currently is Theo Rise. The Corviknight was recorded to have been the first Pokémon ever to close a Distortion. Admiring his bravery, the AGA concluded to grant Theo the status of Guildmaster.

The GDC has been assigned a stark, violet color to identify their properties and members.

For a complete index of guild colors, see page 7

For information on where this new guild is located and how to join it, turn to page 13

Mai sighed, and allowed the newspaper to fall onto the wooden table in front of her. Savoring the sweet taste of vanilla on her tongue, the Pikachu slurped up the last drops of her milkshake.

“W-wow, who knew this place would be so good?” spoke Mai, glancing around the cafe she sat in. “I thought it would be pretty lousy, given how barren this place is. N-not trying to say that empty means bad, of course!”

“Told you it would hit the spot!” Her Maractus friend serving her giggled. “I sure hope you tip me well for this! Arceus knows I need the money.”

“I know, I know…” grumbled Mai. The Pikachu reached into the bag on her side. “H-how much will it be?”

The Maractus smirked, glancing up at the clock at the back to Mai. “Well, normally it would be 12 Poké. But for you, darling?” The Grass-type winked at her friend. “15 Poké.”

Mai’s face fell. “H-hey! Whatever happened to your ‘friendship discount’!? C’mon, Sage!”

“Yeah, I remember our agreement.” Sage wore a smug expression. “-25% off.”

“Y-you’re kidding! I can't afford that!” Mai pouted. “Fine, fine. I’ll pay the 15 Poké…”

Sage rolled her eyes at the Pikachu. “Relax, I’m just teasing you. 12 Poké is fine.” The Maractus then looked up at the clock once again.

“T-thanks,” Mai muttered. She searched deeper in her bag. The Electric-type felt around, becoming increasingly desperate for her paws to land on the shimmering coins. There had to be some in the bag, Mai was sure she wouldn't forget something so important!

Unfortunately, Mai’s paws reached all the way to the bottom of the satchel without feeling any hard cash.

“S-shoot!”

Sage glared at her friend. “You're kidding me!”

“I r-really wish I was!” cried Mai. “T-the Poké must have fallen out on my way here!.”

Sage facepalmed. “Girl, c’mon. Being this forgetful is not gonna help your case with your family.”

“Hey!” shouted Mai. “I-I’ve been trying my best! its o-only a matter of time!” The Electric-type averted her eyes. “I-I just need to actually… Y’know… Walk up to the guild and ask… a-and also convince my family…” Despite having already eaten, Mai pretended to squint at the menu on the wall.

“Yeah, yeah. You've been saying that for the past three years!” spoke Sage. “You're gonna have to actually join it eventually!”

“Y-yeah. But not right now!” 

Sage shrugged. “You do you, I guess. Now, where were we?” asked the Maractus rhetorically. “Ah yes, that’s right! My pay !”

“S-sorry, Sage. I don't know what to tell you!” responded Mai. “I-I can fetch the money and give it to you later maybe..? If you need to be on shift or something, I-I can tip you with the money I owe!” Mai's tail dropped towards the ground.

Sage took a deep breath, before giving Mai an annoyed look. “I suppose I could work with that. But I'm charging interest.”

“Then t-tomorrow! I’ll come back tomorrow and give it to you!” squealed Mai.

Sage huffed. “Fine. If I get fired, I’m blaming you.”

“T-thank you,” murmured Mai.

“I would say ‘no problem,’ but… I’m just gonna say ‘problem’ in this case and leave it at that,” replied Sage. The Maractus glanced at the clock above the door one final time, and smiled. “Finally! Shift’s over!” Sage ran out the door in a hurry. Mai could swear she heard the Grass-type exclaim “Can’t be late for my new job!” on the way out.

Doesn't she already have, l-like, 3 jobs? Mai questioned. The Pikachu plopped down from her chair, slung her bag over her shoulder, and walked out of the café.

***

“Dammit, I forgot to take off my uniform!”

***

Exiting the Café, Mai began treading down the worn brick pathways of the town’s streets. The familiar floral scents from the flowers growing on the side of the road wafted past the Pikachu, leading Mai to sneeze.

“Bless you!” chirped a Noibat flying by.

Mai responded with a polite thanks, before continuing her trek. The sun shone brightly high in the sky onto her through the budding trees, leaving Mai’s fur in its warm embrace. The large bells signaling the start of a new day echoed overhead, certainly awakening any Pokémon who remained asleep.

The Pikachu had always loved walking around her hometown of Hyacinth. It was the perfect mix of everything she loved. A lot of ‘mons lived in the bustling town, yet it was never too crowded. There was a vast variety in products you could buy, but never too many to choose from. There were many high quality products, but they were never too expensive. And, best of all?

It was boring, but never too boring. 

Mai continued her walk, thinking over the errands she had to run today. Her family has asked her to drop off a package for them, which seemed easy enough. Just head to the Pelipper Post Office, and tell the local carriers to deliver it to Grandma Dessa in Coreopsis, and they'd take care of the rest.

Let’s see… First, take a left at the bakery… Then a right at the Kecleon Shop…

After walking past the many streets of tall brick buildings (including the well-known Portulaca Clocktower), Mai eventually wound up right beside the Pelipper Post Office. The Pikachu always got a faint chuckle out of its name. Despite being named after Pelippers, many other species of Pokémon worked there. I-it’s not even a family-owned business!

Mai shook her head, before taking a brief glance at the hill beside her. Yep, there’s the cave entrance everyone talks about. Mai shivered at the thought of it. 

After the mysterious disappearance of an Eevee years ago in it, the entire cavern had been a topic to avoid around Hyacinth. Rumors say that, at night, you could see the poor Eevee’s spirit still wandering the maw of the cave.

Mai ignored it, and faced back forwards.

Well, normally Mai would ignore it. But, generally speaking, even mysterious, possibly haunted caves don't normally scream by themselves without reason. 

“HELP ME!” cried out a feminine voice from inside the cave. “WON’T SOMEBODY HELP ME!?”

Mai jumped back at the intense yell, almost losing her footing. W-what the-!? What was that!?

A Dewott poked his head out the door of the post office. “Is that you screaming?”

“N-no!” sputtered out Mai. “I-I think someone’s stuck in the cave.” The Electric-type slowly added “Or maybe it’s a ghost? I don’t know.”

Conveniently, more screaming rang out at just that time. “OH, WON’T SOME ELEGANT, BEAUTIFUL LADY COME AND RESCUE ME!?” The voice quieted down, though Mai swore she briefly heard it whisper “Or a man too, I guess.”

The Dewott shrugged. “it's just some mysterious shouting coming from an ominous cave. I’ve seen weirder.”

“W-what!?”

Ignoring Mai, the Dewott approached the mouth of the cave, allowing the Electric-type to get a better look at him. The Dewott was wearing a faded pink cape, and had stunningly green eyes. The Dewott biologically seemed mostly normal, but was missing the webbing around his paws. 

Once the Water-type reached the opening of the cavern, the Dewott opened his mouth, before yelling back at the voice. “DEPENDS. ARE YOU PAYING US!?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” murmured the voice. “CAN YOU JUST GET DOWN HERE ALREADY!?”

The Dewott sighed. “Alright, looks like we’re doing this. Not what I woke up expecting today, but I suppose we have nothing better planned.”

“W-we!?” questioned Mai.

The Dewott raised an eyebrow as he took a step into the stony cavity. “Uh, yeah? Are you coming, Mai?”

“I g-guess,” replied Mai, fidgeting nervously. 

“Great!” responded the Dewott. “Let’s go!”

The Water-type sprinted confidently into the open mouth of the cavern, disappearing into the darkness, before a loud thud rang out. “Ow! Fucking stalagmites!”

“I-I’m going to regret this, a-aren’t I?” Mai stammered. After a moment of hesitation, the Pikachu forced her legs to walk into the cave after the Dewott.

***

“BF1.”

“Aw, shush! This isn't even a dungeon!”

***

The duo’s footsteps pitter-pattered against the rocks, echoing off the walls. The Dewott carelessly ran into the depths, leaving Mai behind as she cautiously tried to avoid walking into the stalagmites.

From the shadows, Mai could hear the Dewott calling out. “Hey, so, funny story… I forgot a light source.”

“Y-you're kidding!” replied Mai, ears instinctively rotating in the direction of the noise. The Electric-type rapidly rubbed her paws on her scarlet cheeks, emitting small bursts of electricity that pierced the darkness. The shadows of stones and spikes raced along the walls of the cave in response. “B-better?”

The Dewott rushed towards the sparks of light as a moth does to a flame. “Thanks, Mai!” he chirped. “You lead the way!”

Something about his words put the electric rodent on edge. Her tail raised in alarm upon realizing what, and Mai clenched her paws over her bag. “N-no, thank you.”

“What?” The Dewott raised an eyebrow. “You have the light… Well, more like you are the light. I wouldn't be able to see where I’m going!” 

“Yes,” Mai spoke, gritting her teeth. “But I never told you my name. A-and I’ve already lost enough money today.”

The Dewott averted his eyes. After a few moments, he turned back to Mai with renewed vigor. “Uh… Hey there, hot stuff, has anyone ever told you how gorgeous you loo-”

“Nice try. Get w-walking!” 

Wordlessly, the Water-type took his place in front of Mai, and the pair trekked onwards.

After a few minutes of walking, the Dewott spoke up. “Yeah, sorry… The money you lost earlier was me.” The Water-type reached a paw into his bag. It reemerged with a few coins, totalling about 1,000 Poké. He also pulled out a store membership card that Mai hadn’t even noticed was missing.

“Of course it was…” murmured Mai. She took her money back and placed it into her own bag. “H-How do I know that the person calling for help isn't working with you?” The Pikachu’s eyes widened. “Shoot, I-I’ve walked right into a trap, haven’t I!? Arceus, I’m so stupid, I should have seen this coming! I need to-”

“Woah! Hey, I’m not heartless!” snapped the Dewott. “Awfully rude to assume, isn’t it!?”

Mai gave him a deadpan stare.

The Water-type sighed. “Fine, point taken. But the point is, I have no idea who’s stuck in this cave! I’ve always been the type to silently take some coins, not mug someone!” The Dewott pleadingly looked into Mai’s eyes. “Here, you can even take my bag if it helps you feel more safe!”

“Uh… T-thanks.” Mai obliged, opening her new bag and checking it. The bag seemed to be hand-stitched, but well-made. Opening it up to look at the inside, it appeared to be mostly empty, though there were a few magazines and a Reviver Seed. “How do you e-even get your hands on something called The Pickpocket Weekly !? For t-that matter, who even produces it!?”

“Honestly, no clue. It always just shows up in my bag in the pocket I normally store my money in.” The Dewott shrugged. “Listen, Mai. I'm sorry. I think we got off on the wrong foot.”

“Y-you literally robbed me!”

“Okay, true. But I’m really sorry about that!” The Dewott glanced away, before extending a paw. “My name’s Harper Getair.” Before Mai even responded, Harper squealed out “And I know its more of a girl’s name, you don't have to remind me!”

Mai hesitated, before taking his paw and shaking it. “Mai Juine, but you a-already knew that.” Her tail wagged anxiously.

“Yeah, I guess I did. I… probably shouldn't have done that, now that I think about it.” Harper looked at Mai’s original bag. “By the way, you should probably invest in a clasp or something. They make it really annoying to pickpocket someone, which is probably what you want.”

“Y-yeah, I guess that would help, wouldn’t it? responded Mai. “Thanks, I think?”

“Anytime.” Harper gestured forward. “Now, c’mon! Someone’s waiting for us.” The Dewott’s eyes lit up. “Along with some sweet, sweet cash!”

***

“S-so, what’s being a Water-type like?”

“Moist.”

“O-oh.”

***

“Geez, that woman’s voice must have traveled pretty far to get to the entrance,” murmured Harper. “We’ve been walking for a while now.”

“Oh, finally! You're here!” The aforementioned voice cut through the darkness. “I was getting pretty bored of waiting.”

“O-oh! We’re so s-sorry!” Mai rubbed the back of her head.

Harper snorted. “I’m not.”

An Eevee emerged from the darkness. “Now that's just rude.” Her brow furrowed, and her mouth was perfectly straight. The Eevee wore a strange amulet around her neck, softly glowing with red light. The amulet resembled a triangle inside a circle, both made of obsidian. Three lines of the dark stones reached into the triangle from its edges, meeting in the center.

“S-so, why were you calling for help?” Mai smiled at the Eevee. Inside however, she was shivering with fear. Was this an apparition standing in front of her!?

The Normal-type responded with a devilish smirk. “In short, I’m stuck here until I do a friend a favor.”

“What is it?” inquired Harper. 

“You see, this friend of mine was… wrongly imprisoned. I need someone's help to free them.”

Mai began slowly inching backwards and dimmed the electricity she was emitting with her cheeks, vanishing into the darkness. Harper, on the other hand, slowly inched towards the Eevee.

“Well, it certainly explains why you’re in a cave then! Don’t want to get the authorities involved!” the Dewott chuckled.

“Finally, someone gets it!!” spoke the Eevee. “So, you in?”

Harper shrugged. “Eh, I’m bored. Might as well, it sounds… interesting, at any rate! What do I have to do for this operation? And, more importantly…” The Water-type’s eyes sparkled like diamonds. “...How much will I be getting paid?”

“I promise you’ll be rewarded handsomely. You’re going to have to wait until we finish the other parts of the plan, though. Just stay patient. I’m sure they’ll give you whatever you want once they’re back in power.”

“Well, that’s needlessly ominous!” Harper winked. “Luckily, that’s never particularly dissuaded me! What’s the first step?”

The red glow of the amulet was pouring forth intensely now, as though an incomprehensible amount of energy laid within it. “Just stay nice and still,” responded the Eevee.

“Oh…” Harper rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “This is one of those freaky demonic rituals, isn't it..?”

“Yep.” With a snap of her paws, dark energy appeared above the Eevee’s head. The world bent and twisted around it like light does a black hole.

Harper’s eyes widened. “Uh…” The Dewott frantically made his laws into finger guns. “Say, has anyone ever told you how stunning you look?”

“Sorry.” The Eevee smirked. “You aren't my type.”

And in a flash of crimson light, Harper fell onto the ground, and the Eevee vanished.

***

“And they said my trap was too obvious.”

***

The air in the cave felt horribly wrong to breathe in. It twisted and turned around in Mai’s lungs, moving around like some sort of sentient creature. The stones felt warped, as though they were horribly bending the longer Mai looked at them.

The Pikachu sprinted through to where she remembered the exit to be, praying she didn't walk into any walls. Only short bursts of electricity were used to see. She had to stay undetected, after all! 

The shadows consumed Mai as she began to lose her sense of direction. Eventually, the Electric-type risked a few shocks to illuminate her path. 

Only to find two different tunnels to travel through, one going right and one going left. Dotted around the area we're deep holes, filled with water. Deciding not to test if the water was as deep as it looked, Mai observed the two routes before her.

W-wasn’t there only one path!? thought Mai. Are t-there any road signs or directions!? Mai sighed, and pulled out a coin of Poké, glimmering in the dim light admitted from the Pikachu’s cheeks. Heads I go right, tails I go left.

Mai popped the coin up into the air, a satisfying dinging sound being emitted by the action. The currency rose elegantly, rapidly approaching the peak of its ascent. Spinning around as it fell, the coin rapidly increased in speed. Eventually, the coin reached the ground, landing on… a rock, causing it to bounce into a hole of water with an echoing ker-plunk .

Mai groaned, leaning in and staring into the pit. Her cheeks shone brighter, endeavoring to catch the light of her coin. The murky water shone only ripples and a hazy reflection of Mai back at her, her light failing to pierce its depths.

Yeah, I’m not going to risk hopping into that… Mai rose, and stared back at the paths in front of her. W-well, you know what they say, right is always right! T-they do say that, right..?

After a moment of contemplation, Mai took the tunnel on her right.

A few moments after Mai left the area, the water bent and twisted. A coin rose out of the abyss, glowing with a startling red light.

An energetic, yet deep voice let out a booming chuckle. The voice seemed to be coming from nowhere, yet everywhere all at once. “Another object discarded like myself. A pity.” The voice became much more peppy and cheery after saying that. “Fortunately, this show’s got a loser’s bracket! I’ll gladly grant you a second chance at stardom! Or whatever the equivalent is for a coin, I guess. I suppose I've rambled on with an inanimate object long enough.”

A snap was heard, and the coin’s form began to change. It remained a coin, but a hook materialized on it. Connected to the now hooked coin was a blue, seal-like form, its eyes closed. 

“Wakey-wakey, it's time for the bonus round!”

The new Brionne’s eyes shot wide open. It looked down at its blue fur, and admired its very average looking flippers. “What the fuck!?” The Brionne grasped its own head. “Gah! Is this what ‘thinking’ is like!? And why am I a Pokémon!? I remember being a coin!” The Brionne frowned slightly. “...Which, now that I think about it, doesn’t make a lot of sense, given how I had no consciousness, and therefore no memory…”

“Ding ding ding! Right on the money!” The voice cackled for a few moments, before calming down. “Oh, I'm sorry, is it rude to say that to a sentient piece of currency?” The voice giggled.   “Anyways, your prize is the wonderful gift of life! If you win the rest of the show, I’ll even let you keep it!”

“What does that even mean!?” the Brionne snapped, before sighing. “Fine, what do I have to do to win this… show?”

“Simple! Y’know the Pikachu that discarded you?”

“Obviously.” The Brionne rolled its eyes. “I’ve been stuck in her bag for weeks! Well, before that other ‘mon took me.” The Water-type grinned. “Most interesting thing to happen to me all year!”

“Splendid! Now, if you want to win it big, I need that ‘mon’s life energy!”

The Brionne sighed. “I swear to what’s-their-name… Let me guess, I have to murder someone?”

“Ding ding ding! 50 more points for the Brionne!”

“And what would happen if I refused?” the Brionne inquired.

“Well…”

“...”

“...C'mon, where’s my sound effect button!?” muttered the voice.

The Brionne tapped her flippers. “I’m tempted to just leave if you’re this incompetent.” 

“I am perfectly competent! Just… a bit disorganized right now. Would you mind making a dramatic slicing sound for me?”

“Bye.” The Brionne gave a mock salute, before pacing towards the right tunnel.

“Oh, forget it. Point is, consider yourself eliminated if you don't get that life energy for me!” the voice chirped. “And no, you don’t get to keep your prize!”

The Brionne stopped in its tracks. “Okay, so I don’t have a choice. Got it. Can we just get this over with?”

“Wow, way to ruin my fun. Fine, just so long as you get me that life energy. After that, I’ll get out of your life.”

With that, the Brionne dragged itself through the right tunnel, ignoring the sharp pains from the rocks digging into its skin.

***

“Honestly, I’m tempted to dock points just for that attitude.”

***

Mai wandered around the winding path she chose, eyes peeled for anything out of the ordinary. Her ears twitched at the slightest of sounds. After bumping into a wall for a fifth time, Mai finally relented and let her cheeks glow with the yellow color of lightning.

”H-how long have I even been in h-here?” pondered Mai as she traveled. “I-it's kinda hard to tell without the sun.”

A splashing sound in the distance caused Mai to stop in her tracks. “H-Harper, is that you!?”

A spray of water poured out from the darkness, gently leaving a few puddles. The Brionne slid through the water.

“Holy shit, was no one going to tell me how awesome water feels!?” It grinned, before turning towards Mai. “And who’s Harper?” 

“O-oh. Just some Dewott I m-met.”

“Oh yeah! The ‘mon with the really comfortable bag!” The Brionne’s face lit up.

Mai sputtered. “H-how in Arceus’ name do you even know that!?”

“Ah, yes, Arceus! That was their name!” The Brionne smirked in satisfaction. “Anyways, just hear me out…”

“I’m l-listening.” Mai smiled reassuringly.

The Brionne took a deep breath. “I'm a sentient coin of Poké.”

Mai groaned, before sitting down on a rock.

“I’ve also been directed to kill you by an ominous voice,” the Brionne elaborated.

Mai silently screamed. “W-what has my life become!?” Mai sighed. “S-so, um… are you going to do it..?” The Pikachu tensed up.

The Brionne shook its head. “Please, I’m not so dumb to seriously consider a deal from some creepy voice a good one. I wasn’t born yesterday.”

“Yeah, y-you were born today, from what I understand.”

“Touché.”

Mai sat down on the most comfortable rock she could find. “I-I feel like you should just start from the beginning.”

***

“I-I have so many questions.”

“You can ask later.”

“N-no I can’t! Not if y-you disappear or die or whatever the voice will do if you don't kill me!”

“Well, do you have any idea of how to avoid that!?”

“...M-maybe.”

***

“This is a terrible idea,” muttered the Brionne.

Mai frowned. “I k-know. But we don’t have any better ones!”

“Listen; Thank you, I really appreciate what you’re doing. However… you don’t have to put your life on the line.” The Brionne layed down on a fresh puddle of water, enjoying the soothing sensation of it.

Mai smiled. “No, I-I do. You’re a g-guaranteed sacrifice if I don’t.”

The Brionne sighed. “Fine. I’ll try to make it quick. Don’t panic.”

Mai patted the Brionne on the shoulder. “T-thank you. You remember the steps, right?”

“Yeah. Not looking forward to it.”

Mai averted her gaze. “Neither am I, f-frankly.” Mai stood silent for a moment, before asking a question. “C-can I ask for your name before we do this? I’m Mai Juine.”

The Brionne rolled its eyes, but still smiled. “I know, I was seated next to that membership card that Dewott stole.”

Mai pouted. “Oh, c-come on! Why does e-everyone already know my name!?”

“What a freaky coincidence, two people knowing your name before meeting you. I suppose it is pretty weird that we both found your name by going through your bag though,” spoke the Brionne sarcastically. “And I don’t have a name. So…” The Brionne reached out a flipper. “Call me Sasha Alisam!”

“A-alright, nice to meet you, Sasha!” Mai shook it. H-did she come up with a name so quick!?  “So, um… do you have a Sleep Seed? I-I don’t want this to hurt.”

“No, but the Dewott did, if I remember his bag correctly.” Sasha pointed to one of the bags on Mai’s shoulders.

“A-ah! Thank you!” The Electric-type reached a paw into a bag. “F-found it!” Mai's eyes widened, and she pulled it out. 

“Sweet! Are you ready?” Sasha forced a smile.

Mai frowned. “Honestly? No.” Her heart hammered out of her chest. “I’m t-terrified right now! This is a horrible idea, why did I suggest it!? I’m such an idiot!”

“Hey!” Sasha shouted at Mai. “You aren’t stupid! You’re literally one of the nicest ‘mon I’ve met!” 

Mai rubbed her arm. “I’m t-the only ‘mon you’ve met. T-that’s not a creepy voice, I mean!”

“Dear Arceus! Listen, I’m really not looking forward to this either.” Sasha’s left eye twitched. She fiddled nervously with her coin earring. “...We can always figure out a new plan, if it makes you happy!”

Mai sighed. “I’ll d-do it. You d-don’t seem like t-to go back on your promise and l-leave me in cold blood.” Mai’s eyes widened. “Y-you aren’t planning on doing that, r-right!?”

Brionne responded with a deadpan expression. “If I were, I’d have tried to already kill you by now.”

“I-I suppose that’s true…” Mai hesitated, before she bit down on the pink, coral-like Sleep Seed. Immediately, her eyelids drooped. “O-oh, wow, that’s strong… Please don’t… let me d-die…” The Pikachu curled up on hard ground. Light snoring sounds came from the ball of fuzz.

Sasha sighed. “Alright, time for the unpleasant part. Let’s get this over with.”

***

“Heya, Arceus! Sorry I’m late! I forgot to return my uniform from my last job, so I went back, but ran into someone I knew, and we talked for a while, and I lost track of time! And then I realized I forgot to buy some groceries, so I did that! And then I realized I still forgot to take off my uniform, so that’s why I still have it on. Oh, and then I stumbled across some young guildee children who started harassing me for not being a part of one, so then I—”

“Thou were meant to be here two hours ago!”

***

Sasha stood over the now temporarily deceased Mai. “And now, I pray that Mr. Ominous Voice is quick on the uptake.”

“Did someone call?” The shadows shifted and curved, as though something big were moving through them. The voice came closer and closer, until eventually Sasha could tell it was present.

“Yeah, yeah. Did you get the ‘life energy’ you needed?”

“Yep! Which means… CONGRATULATIONS” An applause sounded across the cave. “You win! And you know what that means… A FREE BODY!” The voice giggled. “Well, technically two free bodies, if we count the dead one.”

“Shut up and leave already.”

“Wow, not even a thank you? Rude. You’re lucky I’m a ‘mon of my word!” With that, the short interaction ended, and the presence vanished.

After a moment of making sure the presence was really gone, Sasha immediately went up to Mai’s body and slipped a budding seed into the Pikachu’s mouth. “This better work!”

***

“Mmm, delicious life energy! I can’t believe mortals don’t eat each other daily! Now, where did I put my ketchup?”

***

“Hello, welcome to the afterlife! Please wait as we decide where you will g— Mai!?” 

Thus was the greeting Mai received upon death. “O-oh, hi Sage! Did y-you also die?” The Pikachu glanced around the room she found herself in. The walls and ground were white, and a sterile smell filled the air, much like the waiting room of a doctor’s office. Plastic chairs were dotted around the area, along with a table, a few plants, and a stack of magazines.

“I work here.” Sage shrugged, before continuing. “But let’s not just gloss over the fact that you died in the few hours we were apart!”

Mai averted her eyes. “She should be giving me a Reviver Seed right now! I-it was all consensual!”

Sage perked up. “Oh?” A sly smirk formed on the face of the Maractus. “Sounds spicy! Tell me more!”

“N-not like that!” Mai squealed, her face flushed.

Sage giggled. “I’m just teasing, Mai! I’m glad you’ll be back alive before long!” The Grass-type gestured to the stack of magazines. “Sit down and help yourself to some sweet gossip! I’ll tell Arceus to let you in when they’ve finished with the current guy.”

Mai obliged, shuffling through the stack on the table. “Oh, T-The Pickpocket Daily ! Y-you guys have that?”

“No, I don’t think so…” Sage glanced over, noticing the magazine held in Mai’s paws. “Oh, huh. Guess we do.” Sage filed through the paperwork that laid on her desk. “Arceus must have gotten it while I was out on break.”

“W-weird,” muttered Mai. “W-wait, you were hired by Arceus!?”

“Yep!” Sage smirked. “Jealous?”

Mai smiled brightly. “D-depends on your pay.”

“I am not allowed to discuss my pay at this time,” responded Sage, a deadpan look on her face.

Mai immediately stopped smiling. “O-oh.”

With that, the two Pokémon sat in silence, Mai patiently reading whilst Sage continued going through her paperwork.

After what felt like ten minutes but was probably only half a second because of divine interference, Sage snapped to attention. “Oh, hey, Arceus says they’re ready for you!” A wall flashed gold for a moment, before a door appeared on it. “Head on in!” Sage nodded her head encouragingly towards Mai.

The Pikachu rose from her seat, and slowly moved towards the door. One step after another… One step after another… Mai reached her paw on the knob, and turned it.

The door opened silently, revealing a stunning marble cathedral, stained glass windows shining a brilliant light into the holy room. Floating in the center of the room was a white, quadrupedal form. It emitted a faint radiant light. 

“Greetings, mortal. I am the one thou know as Arceus. Bask in my glory,” Arceus spoke, their voice echoing through the air in all directions. 

“W-wow… T-this room really has g-good acoustics,” gasped Mai in awe.

Arceus… grinned? They didn't have a mouth, so Mai would guess that it was more like they sent out an aura of positivity akin to a grin. Creepy…

“Only the highest amount of reverb is properly befitting for the God of all Pokémon.” Arceus’s chest puffed out.

Mai shuddered. “S-sorry for wasting your time like this, Almighty One. S-someone’s currently reviving me outside, so I-I’ll probably be gone in a little…”

Arceus smiled/radiated good vibes upon being called the Almighty One. “Well, that someone shall not succeed. Thy life energy is gone, hence thy cannot be revived.”

“O-oh,” Mai muttered. “W-wait! S-so, I’m just… dead now? I thought this was a good plan!”

“Patience, mortal! I never said that!” spoke Arceus. “Though thou would be deceased by now under most circumstances, I have a favor to ask of thou.”

“W-what is it!?” broke out Mai. “I d-don’t want to be dead forever! T-this was such an awful idea! I know my plans can lead to issues, but never this big! I shouldn’t have—”

Arceus gazed down at Mai. “Silence mortal, and I shalt tell you what I just ask of thou!” After Mai quieted down, Arceus continued. “Thou art aware of the phenomena mortals call Distortions, are you not?”

Mai nodded.

“Upon your revival, I must ask that thee assist in destroying each one thee can find. Else, the entire world may collapse.”

“W-wait!” Mai’s eyes widened. “The world’s in danger!? I-isn’t there supposed to be a human who d-does this stuff!?”  

“Indeed,” said Arceus. “However, there is already a human in this realm, and Hoopa shalt berate me if another is summoned.”

Mai nodded empathetically, trying her best to stifle her laughter at the thought of a literally divine being getting scolded. “O-okay. So… Uh… Do you just revive me now?”

Arceus nodded. A portal opened up in the back of the cathedral, glowing a prominent white color. Through the rip in space-time, Mai could see her own body laid upon the rocky surface of the cave. “That is the mortal realm. I have gifted thou part of my life energy as well. Merely step through the portal, and thou—”

The eastern wall of the citadel was suddenly blown to smithereens. When the dust cleared, an ominous figure stood there.

“And tonight on Suddenly Silenced, we have a special guest. Arceus, is there anything you want to say to the cameras?”

Arceus backed away in shock, the portal still swirling behind them. “Giratina! How hath thou cometh to my domain!? And why art thou trespassing upon it!?”

Giratina cackled. “Using your ‘Ask an Expert’ right off the bat, huh? Very well then!” Giratina winked, before somehow summoning a top-hat and monocle. Putting on a mock, deeper voice, the Ghost-Dragon began to speak. “It is of my opinion that I, Giratina, have come to this painfully drab abode to take back my rightful position that you disgracefully exiled me from! Along with this, I will regain my true power and form!” Giratina removed their hat and monocle, and returned their voice to its normal pitch. “And the portal you opened up leading to that girl’s body is also inside one of my Distortions! Hence, I invited myself in!”

Mai silently stared at the situation before her in horror. A bit after Giratina finished their speech, she began slowly walking closer to the portal. Her fur bristled with fear.

“I fear not thine abilities! I took the Griseous Orb away from thou for a reason, and I shalt burn before I return it to thee!!”

“I told you, call it the Platinum Orb, Arcy! It sounds cooler!” whined Giratina. “And, if you insist on keeping it from me, I’m afraid I have no choice but to take it from you!”

“Attempt it, fool!” replied Arceus.

Giratina glared at the Almighty One, before breaking out into a grin. “Oh, yes… Yes, I have a great idea for a bonus round!” The Renegade Pokémon giggled to themself. “I'll give you a taste of being inferior like me, able to only watch as your creation is destroyed around you!!” Eventually, Giratina’s giggles became full-on maniacal laughter. The sound boomed across the marble walls of the citadel.

“W-well that’s freaky…” muttered Mai.

Noticing her shudder, Giratina directed their attention to Mai. “Aw, thanks! I practiced it for a while! it's a shame I had to take your Life Energy. You would be really fun if you were alive!”

“Enough,” spoke Arceus. “I shalt silence thou for all of time. Face my divine Judgment!” The Almighty One stopped their hooves on the ground, summoning brilliant spears of light around them. In an instant, all the javelins pointed directly towards Giratina, and shot forward!

Giritina simply sidestepped them all. The Dragon-Ghost retaliated by melding into the shadows, before reappearing right in front of Arceus. “Surprise!”

Giratina raked their claws across Arceus's body. Mai made a mad dash for the portal, as Arceus themself flew towards her in agony. The two collided, the sheer force of Giratina’s attack forcing them both behind the boundaries, and into the portal.

And into the portal

An- i-to the po-tal

-n- i–o t-e -o-tal

–- -–o t– -o–-l

— —- — —---

***

“Hey, Arceus, there’s an issue in the— Who the fuck are you!?”

“Your new supervisor!”

“...Can I get a raise?”

“No.”

***

“Oh, hey, you’re finally awake!” a voice snapped at Mai. “I was worried sick, you know!?”

The Pikachu blinked open her dreary eyes. Blinking the dust out of them, Mai stood up. “Oh, h-hey Sasha! M-my plan worked!” Immediately after, a sharp pain went through Mai’s head. “Gah! W-why do I have this headache?”

“Well, you see, it took me a bit before I got to use the Reviver Seed. Distortion, I thought you were gone!” shouted Sasha. ”I had carried your body with me for a while since you were out,” Sasha spoke. “And then, I felt your energy change… Or something like that. Hell if I know. I was literally born less than an hour ago!”

Testing what Sasha meant, Mai tried to light her cheeks up like normal. Nothing came out. “O-oh. O-oh no, this is bad!” Mai breathed deeply, in and out. In… and out… “Wait, how can we see, then?”

“I think the water might be glowing slightly or something? I don’t know.” replied Sasha, not confident in her response. “But my money’s on something to do with that Nickit over there.” The Brionne gestured one of her flippers to a corner of a room. Sure enough, there seemed to be an almost illuminating aura radiating from the Dark-type. 

The Nickit’s body seemed elegantly groomed. They wore a golden collar of intricate design, which seemed to be the source of the light spreading across the room. They seemed to have green dots under their eyes as well. The Nickit laid on the ground, unconscious.

“Mai, we don’t have all day to stare and gawk at this guy. You notice that that glow is fading?” Sure enough, the light did appear to be dimming slightly by the second. Sasha slid up to the Nickit. “Mind helping me carry them?”

“N-not at all!” Mai chirped, running towards where the Nickit was. Looking down at the fox-like Pokémon, Mai reached out a hand.

Only for a dark claw to reach out instead.

“Gah! What in t-the Distortion World is that!?” Mai rapidly backed away, fretful that the claws could harm the Nickit.

“I have no fucking idea!” Sasha backpedaled as well, before squinting. “Wait a second… Mai, something about you looks off.”

The Pikachu looked down at her body. Say, does my fur feel more… artificial? Mai reached one of the claws ( her claws, she reminded herself) onto her fur. Sure enough, they connected with soft fabric, which she had to be careful not to tear. Now that Mai thought about it, it did feel like she was wearing a cloak or something.

“I…” Mai shifted her footing uncomfortably. “I don’t think I-I can handle this.”

Sasha nodded. “Fair.” She then gestured with her head to the Nickit. “I say we just grab that guy, and use them as light for now. We have bigger things to worry about… probably.”

“I-I… Yeah, let’s do… that,” spoke an exhausted Mai. With that, the duo lifted the Nickit up by the legs, and began to cautiously walk through the caverns. Sasha, naturally, sprayed hers of water to better slide across the ground. Meanwhile, Mai scuttled along after her.

The collar’s light began to dim gradually. At first, it wasn’t too noticeable. However, the illumination eventually began to run out. After around fifteen minutes, Sasha was squinting to see (to the confusion of Mai).

“W-what are you doing? It's still a-as bright as it was before.”

Sasha looked at Mai and raised an eyebrow. “Did that whole dying thing mess up your brain? I can barely see!”

The two bickered for a while, before eventually settling down. They continued trekking onwards. Eventually, a light besides the one from the collar shone into the darkness. In the distance, Mai could see a murky view of beautiful flower buds and grass, along with the Pelipper Post Office near the cave’s entrance.

Sasha silently made eye contact with Mai. With a quick nod, they broke out running towards the exit. 

THUD!!!

Mai silently made eye contact with Sasha. With a quick nod, they broke out running towards the Nickit they had unceremoniously dropped. 

The duo lifted the Nickit yet again, and ran towards their escape slower to make sure they didn't drop the Pokémon again. Eventually, they burst through the blurry filter over the outside world, and finally reunited with fresh, normal air. Sasha collapsed on the ground panting, as Mai gently dropped the Nickit onto the grass.

They rested for a while, just sitting there like that. Together. The sun was just beginning to set over the distant horizons, staining the sky with a stunning orange. Sasha and Mai laid next to each other, taking in the lovely sensation of not having air curve and bend in their lungs.

“So this is what the world’s like? Huh,” muttered Sasha. “Arceus, this is beautiful. I see why ‘mons like it so much.”

The grass shuffled a little behind the duo, startling them out of their stupor. They glanced back in sync. The Nickit appeared to be waking up!

“Hath someone spoketh my name..?” The Nickit stirred, before at last properly setting themself up on all fours, still with their eyes closed. The Nickit forced them open, before they immediately widened.

“Why doth I haveth paws!?”

Chapter Text

“S-so let me get this straight. You're… Arceus?”

“Indeed! I have spoketh as such five times now. Hath thou not been paying attention!?” replied the god. Their tail brushed up against the lush grass surrounding them, kicking up some fresh pollen that had fallen from the trees earlier.

“B-but that’s impossible!” sputtered out Mai after sneezing. “You look exactly like a normal Nickit!. Are you absolutely c-certain?”

Sasha interjected. “Mai, weirder things have happened today. You literally died and got revived.”

“Reincarnated, not revived!!” corrected Arceus, a smirk on their face. Despite that, their eyes burned with annoyance at the incorrect assumption. “And who performed thy reincarnation? Indeed, me!” The newly-made Nickit puffed out their chest. “Thou may thanketh me now!”

Mai squirmed beneath the cloth covering her body. “With a-all due respect… What e-even am I? I’m s-supposed to be a Pikachu.”

“Pikachu and Mimikyu should be close enough for thee to be satisfied! Clearly, thou hath deplorable taste in species,” replied Arceus haughtily.

Sasha scoffed. “You’re the one with deplorable taste. Why would an oh-so divine being such as you choose to be some unevolved ‘mon?” A snicker escaped the Brionne’s mouth. Arceus huffed. Before the conversation could continue further, a booming voice roared some distance away.

“Alright, cadets! We’ve just about arrived at our destination! Once we’re there, we set up camp!” a booming voice in the distance commanded. “So group up with your teammates so we can designate tents!”

The sound of many footsteps, both loud and quiet echoed in the distance, marching at a brisk pace. The steps got louder and louder, until eventually a large group of Pokémon arrived next to the Pelipper Post Office. The crowd consisted of about thirty ‘mons of various shapes and sizes, all wearing identical violet scarves. A Torterra was carrying a vast wagon full of tents, seeds, orbs, and berries. 

The crowd of Pokémon each wore their scarves in strikingly different ways. Some wore it around an arm like a bracelet or cast. Others sported the classic “around the neck” look. And yet, certain particular Pokémon donned their garb in unique, more specific ways. Be it wrapped around horns, tails, or any other limb, Mai doubted that there was a singular way to wear a scarf that the group did not demonstrate.

And yet, no singular Pokémon drew the eyes of Mai, Sasha, and Arceus as much as the Corviknight soaring a few feet in the air. His presence commanded a certain amount of respect from everyone in the group. Even Arceus was mildly (and only mildly!) impressed!

“Attention, cadets!” bellowed the Corviknight. He cleared his throat, before continuing. “I believe we’ve reached our objective! You’ve all done very well today! Begin to set up your tents with the rest of your team! After that, you may take a break until we commence our exploration tomorrow!”

With a brief salute, the Pokémon in the group rushed over to the wagon and grabbed their new shelters. After a few minutes of shoving, the ‘mons ran over to the fresh grass and began hammering in the spokes. 

“What are you three doing here? I don’t believe you’re all cadets of mine.” Mai jumped back. The Corviknight had approached the Mimikyu without her noticing. His steely eyes pierced her soul. “While I suppose this is technically public property, I cannot advise hanging around here in good conscience.”

“O-oh!” Mai bowed her head in a polite greeting. “I-I’m sorry! I heard a voice come from the cave and w-went to investigate.”

The Corviknight squinted at the Ghost-type. “I see… Ah, but where are my manners?” The Corviknight bowed deeply back at Mai. “My name is Guildmaster Rise. You?”

Arceus stepped forward. “A pleasure. Thou may know me by many titles, such as-” 

They were abruptly cut off by Mai. “N-Noah! Noah Arche! I-isn’t that right?”

Sasha nodded before Arceus could get a word in. “Yeah, sounds about right to me. But more importantly,” The Brionne performed a dramatic twirl, leading into a stylish courtesy. “My name is Sasha Alisam, and don’t you forget it!”

A-aw, come on! How come I-I have to practice things like that for w-weeks before I can do it right, while she gets it on her first try!? Mai silently screamed.

 Guildmaster Rise nodded. “Very well. I hope, for your own safety, you travel back to your lodgings. It’s dangerous this close to the Distortion.”

Mai let out an awkward chuckle. “O-of course, sir! We were just leaving!” With that, the trio of Mai, Sasha, and Arceus wandered off.

***

“Why did thou stoppeth me from speaking my name?”

“W-well...”

“Dude. What did you think would happen when you tell someone you’re a god!?”

“They would all worship me, obviously!”

***

“So,” said Sasha. “Where are we going?”

The trio matched on through Hycacinth, no clear destination in mind. They had walked in silence for the most part, until Sasha interrupted the silence. All three Pokémon in the group stepped inside a diner (“Kohale Kafé”) to rest.

“W-well, normally I’d stay with family b-but…” Mai reached a dark, enigmatic claw out from beneath her cloth and stared at it. “I c-can’t face them like this! Look a-at me! They’d i-immediately notice something is off!” The Ghost-type sipped her complimentary water.

Arceus huffed, shuffling awkwardly in their seat. They took a posh sip of water before proceeding. “Thy family shall gladly give their property to us once they learn that they art hosting Arceus, God of all Pokémon!” A proud smirk broke across the god’s face.

Sasha rolled her eyes. “Sure, Noah.” The Brionne chugged her water, before turning towards Mai. “Girl, we need a place to stay! It doesn't matter if you’re at your best or not,” snapped Sasha.

Mai shrank backwards. Her thoughts desperately fumbled ideas of how to avoid a confrontation with her family. She couldn't make her family hate her, they were all she had! “L-listen, just d-drop it,” spat Mai. “I-I agree that we need a p-place to stay, but I am not living with my family s-so long as I’m like…” The Mimikyu gestured to her new body. “...this.”

The trio patiently sipped their water, considering their options. Well, more like waiting for Mai to consider their options, as neither Sasha nor Arceus were familiar with ordinary life.

After a few minutes of deliberation, Mai finally piped up. “I-I think I have an idea…”

“And what might that idea be?” questioned Arceus.

“We could j-join a guild!” chirped Mai joyfully. Finally, she could fulfill her dreams! They seemed farther every day a new member signed up for the Exploration Guild, but she knew where her heart actually lied!

Arceus considered her proposal. “Indeed! There was that congregation of Pokémon investigating the Distortions.” The Nickit nodded their head. “I must say, thou art rather intelligent for a mortal!”

Mai hesitated. C’mon, me. You’ve practiced this before, you know what to say!  The Fairy-type took a few deep breaths, calming herself. “A-actually, I was thinking that maybe we could join the Commerce Guild…?”

Mai’s words struck Arceus like a bullet. Some water spilled from their mouth in shock. “Wha-! Why would thou prefer a guild of lowly scoundrels who care only for money!?”

Mai’s face lit up in an excited grin. “Finally! I’ve b-been waiting for someone to ask me this!” The Mimikyu raised a claw into the air, gesturing for the waiter. Her other claw began tapping the table in eager excitement.

The male Indeedee approached the Mimikyu, before politely bowing. “How might I be of service to you?”

“May I-I please have some p-paper and a pencil?”

The Indeedee nodded. “As you wish.” The Normal-type disappeared behind the counter. After a moment, he returned with the desired supplies.

“T-thank you!” Mai smiled at the server

Her claws tapped the table eagerly as she began her explanation.

“First and m-most important matter of business; housing!” Mai drew a quick sketch of a house on the top-left of the paper. “Unlike most other g-guilds, Gholdengo's Guild of Commerce offers f-free housing!”

Sasha hastily interjected, “Yeah, that sounds like a scam.” The Brionne crossed her flippers.

“S-simple!” Mai replied. “When the Guild of Commerce formed, t-they overestimated the amount of Pokémon who w-wanted to join!” The Minikyu’s chest rose as she grew more confident. “B-because of that, t-they’ve always had more rooms than other guilds.”

Arceus slammed a paw against the table. The sound reverberated through the small diner. The few other ‘mons in the diber glared at the Nickit, before returning to their food and drinks. “We need to stop the Distortions! We cannot get lost in these childish detours!”

Mai thought about Arceus's words for a moment. After a few moments of silence, the Ghost-type spoke up. “W-what if I told you we could do both?”

Arceus chuckled. “Then I would tell thou that thy idea is utterly preposterous!” the Dark-type responded.

Mai grinned. Just the response she planned for. The Mimikyu drew a big ₽ on the top-right corner of the paper. “T-then you’ll love my second p-point! For one thing, the Guild of Commerce earns a lot of money!” Mai said. “For another thing, m-members have a lot of freedom! I-it would be easy for us to visit Distortions and try to stop t-them!” Mai continued her explanation, getting and more excited as she did.

The Indeedee waiter hesitantly approached their table. He briefly whispered to Sasha “The Mademoiselle only drank water, yes? Not something more… caffeinated?”

Unfortunately, Sasha didn't get a chance to answer. Mai continued speaking passionately over the Indeedee, drowning out his voice. “More money means more cash t-to spend on supplies for exploring the Distortions! So long as we make money, w-we can do almost anything we’d like! Anything!”

The Mimikyu cleared her throat. “S-sorry about that,” Mai said. “I’ll m-move on to my next point: Background checks.”

“What about them?” asked Sasha. 

Arceus glared at Mai. “Art thou implying I am indistinguishable from a lowly thief?”

Mai elaborated. “W-well…” Mai gestured towards the two Pokémon she was dining with (despite never technically ordering any food). “Neither of you actually exist. L-legally, anyways.”

Sasha’s short coat of fur bristled. “Hey, I’m just as much of a ‘mon as you are!” the Water-type snapped.

“I-I never said you weren’t!” responded Mai. “My p-point was, the Commerce Guild doesn’t really do those checks if you aren’t acting suspicious!” 

Arceus looked at Mai quizzically. “And just what would constitute as ‘acting suspicious’?”

“I m-mean… I don't exactly k-know…”

Arceus rolled their eyes. Would this moronic Mimikyu please act like the Ghost-type she is and vanish into thin air!?

“B-but I know that they generally have pretty low standards! And it’s better than the other options!” Mai went to sip her drink, only to see the glass was empty. She proceeded to call over the exasperated Indeedee server again. The Psychic-type sighed, before walking over. “S-studies show that 73.1% of Pokémon t-that apply to a Rescue or Exploration Guild get turned down, partially because of the background checks.” 

The Indeedee refilled Mai’s water glass calmly and carefully. Abruptly, Sasha perked up and posed a sudden question. “Does this place serve alcohol?” The Indeedee dropped their pitcher of water in shock. The transparent container shattered upon contact with the wooden floor beneath.

“Mademoiselle, this is a diner. Why in Arceus’s name would we serve alcohol!?” responded the Psychic-type.

Arceus boldly proclaimed “I shalt tell thee wh-” before being cut off by Mai.

“S-sorry about them, sir! Do you n-need help cleaning up?”

The Indeedee sighed yet again. “No, no, it’s alright.” He gently swept up the shards of glass with a broom.

“O-okay, I guess,” replied Mai. She waited until the Indeedee was gone, before continuing her presentation. “S-so, my final point!” Mai drew a big picture of herself on the paper, along with a thought bubble.

Arceus raised an eyebrow. “Whatever may that be depicting?”

Mai smiled, trying her best to look cute. “S-simple,” replied the Mimikyu. “J-joining Gholdengo's Guild of Commerce has b-been a dream of mine since c-childhood! And surely a wonderful, oh-so generous g-god such as you would help your s-subjects achieve their dreams?”

Arceus puffed out their chest. I am amazing! And at last, these Pikémon recognize my greatness. “Obviously! I am perfection incarnate, after all! It is my duty to help those who art lesser compared to me!” 

“S-so you’ll join with m-me?”

“I suppose I must,” replied Arceus.

Mai high-fived the Nickit with her claw, to which Arceus awkwardly slapped back. The Mimikyu, sentient coin, and god then tipped their server and left Kohale Kafé.

***

“Do we have to worry about being mugged here?”

“I-I don't think so?”

“Fret not! We can swiftly executeth the scoundrels if need be!”

“I b-beg your pardon?”

“Finally, something I agree with you on, Arcy!”

***

The trio marched across Hyacinth for the better part of an hour, walking through the winding brick paths as the sun continued its descent beyond the horizon. The group had—after many, many, many wrong turns—at last found Gholdengo’s Guild of Commerce.

The guild’s headquarters was a large Georgian building. The structure had a grand entrance gate, which led to a larger section where there were (presumably) dorms, dining halls, meeting rooms, and other essential locations needed for the guild to operate. A large tower with a teal flame shining out the windows clearly designated the brick building as belonging to the Commerce Guild.

Mai knocked on the grand wooden door of the guild. After a moment, the entrance slowly opened up. A toned Flaaffy, with untidy wool and scruffy fur stood before Mai, Arceus, and Sasha.

“Ring the bell next time,” said the Flaaffy gruffly, nodding her head towards a rope riding up to a bell next to the door.

Mai looked down at her… paws? Feet? Whatever’s under a Mimikyu’s cloth that makes a scuttling sound at any rate. She really must look under this cloth at some point. “Sorry…”

“It's fine. Stay still,” the Flaaffy grunted. She matched up to the group of three, and roughly patted each of them down.

“P-please be careful!”

“Get thy paws off of me!”

“Hey! You better give me a heads-up next time!”

After an additional search of both of Mai’s bags, the Flaaffy backed up and raised an eyebrow. “Where did you get that one?” asked the Electric-type, gesturing towards the handmade bag.

“Oh, s-some Dewott stole some m-money from m-me, so he gave me the bag after I caught him to ensure I had it all,” answered Mai. “He g-got lost afterwards. In a Distortion”

The Flaaffy groaned. “That checks out. Give it here so I can hand it in to the lost and found.” The Electric-type took a few deep breaths. “Well, at least that explains why Harper didn’t return. Hope Distortion Control gets him out sooner or later.”

“Of course the pickpocket works at the Guild of Commerce,” muttered Sasha.

“What was that?” The Flaaffy snapped at the Brionne.

“Nothing.”

“Good.” The Flaaffy nodded approvingly, before taking Harper’s bag from Mai. “So, why are you here?”

“Oh!” Mai smiled. “We came to join the guild!” The Ghost-type paced back-and-forth excitedly, enjoying the relaxing, repetitive motion.

The Flaaffy squinted up at Portulaca Clocktower across town. “Eh, it’s still early. Follow me.” The Electric-type turned around and began guiding Mai, Sasha, and Arceus into the guild.

The Flaaffy escorted the trio through the straightforward and organized hallways. The brick walls were colored a light ochre hue, oddly uplifting among the ocean of plain white wallpapers one finds in similar buildings.

Contrasting the wall’s organized nature were the many scattered papers hanging off bulletin boards from thumbtacks. A brief glance at them showed many advertisements, business plans, and an occasional finance report. Yet, there was an equal amount of eagerly scrawled innovations, gizmos, and childish doodles.

Finally, the Flaaffy stopped in a cozier, out of the way hallway. The velvet carpet massaged Mai’s skittering legs, soothing any worries she may have had.

The Flaaffy kicked open a hard oak door with a loud thud. “Your lodgings,” spoke the Electric-type, nodding towards the doorway. “Now, what are your names?”

“M-Mai Juine!”

“Sasha Alisam!”

“Noah Arche.”

Sasha’s smirk contrasted nicely with Arceus’s scowl. The Flaaffy gestured towards her own ear. “What was that one?”

Arceus grit their teeth. “Noah. Arche.” 

The Flaaffy glared at the Nickit. “I was talking to the Brionne.”

“Oh!” chirped Sasha. “It’s Sasha Alisam!”

The Flaaffy thanked Sasha, before extending a paw out. “Call me Ion Garde.” Her words were followed by a friendly smile.

Sasha shook Ion’s paw. The Flaaffy squeezed the Brionne’s flipper tightly, as if using all her strength to prevent the Water-type from escaping the deadly clash of appendages. Sasha tried to squeeze back harder, but ultimately failed. Ion let out a hearty chuckle at her opponent’s feeble attempt at resistance. At long last, Ion released.

Sasha panted heavily. “Dear Arceus… I can’t feel my flipper…” 

Arceus, naturally, glared at the Water-type. Mayhaps I should becometh known as Noah. The many utterings of my name are starting to turn… irritating.

Not noticing, or perhaps just not caring about how exhausted Sasha was, Ion began her explanation. “Now listen up!” 

Mai snapped to attention. 

Ion pointed at each of the ‘mons before her. ”You three are going to stay in this room for the night. In the morning, you’re all going to meet with the guildmaster, where he’ll assign you a task. Complete it, and you're free to join the guild.”

Arceus raised an eyebrow. “Whatever may these tasks entail?”

Ion waved a paw dismissively. “Oh, it’s random. We have a whole spinner set up for it.”

“Of course it is,” said Arceus, sighing. Idiotic mortals.

With that, Sasha slid into the bedroom. Mai and Arceus quickly followed. Ion shut the door behind them, and locked it up (“For security,” she explained). Thus, the trio’s first night in their new forms began.

***

“How unusual.”

“What is it now, Arcy?”

“It's just… I have never felt the need to sleep before.”

“...Now that I think about it, neither have I. Though was I even awake before today to begin with?”

“I quite look forward to seeing what this nonsense called ‘dreams’ are that Cresselia always spoke of.”

***

“Boo.”

“Gah!” Arceus awoke with a start. The sound of laughter quickly surrounded the startled god. Mai was lightly chuckling, whilst Sasha positively howled with laughter.

“What's wrong? You're a Dark-type, ghosts shouldn't bother you!” cackled Sasha.

Arceus anxiously smoothed out their scuffed fur. “I am every type, mortal. Even if I may be stuck in this… pesky Nickit body.”

Sasha grinned. “Sure. Keep telling yourself that.”

A brief jingling was heard, and the room’s door unlocked. Noiselessly, it swung open to reveal Ion standing in the hallway. “Follow me.”

The group traveled through the halls of the guild, eventually winding up in a room straight out of a castle. Many ornate ceramics were dotted around the room, each with accents of glorious gold. A grand, velvet carpet spanned most of the room, and a great, dramatic throne.

Seated in the throne was a burly Gholdengo. A cowboy hat was draped over his head, and a pipe sat in his mouth. One breath, however, revealed it to merely spurt bubbles.

Besides the Guildmaster stood a Kecleon, wearing a dark gray cloak, the shadows of which obscured his eyes. The strange Pokémon remained silent at Sasha’s puzzled glances. And yet, Mai swore she could see a satisfied smirk beneath the cloak’s hood.

“Jerry!” shouted Ion, looking towards the Guildmaster. The Kecleon besides the Gholdengo plugged his ears at the sudden noise. “I’ve got the newbies here for you!”

The Gholdengo grinned, and let out a small chuckle. Respectfully, he tipped his hat towards Mai, Sasha, and Arceus. “Howdy, partners! The name’s Jerry Aife!” Jerry ran forward to Mai before shaking her claw. “I hear you three want to join this ‘ere guild?”

Mai nodded eagerly. “Y-yes sir!” She gleefully took Jerry’s hand and completed the handshake.

“Perfect!” replied Jerry. “Absolutely perfect! Now, we ‘ave a short entrance exam for rookies trying to get in. You see, we grab this little doohickey calle-”

“Thou spin a wheel, yes yes, we are aware.” Arceus rolled their eyes and waved a paw dismissively. “Just get to the point.”

Everyone in the room glared at them.

“Whatever are those impudent looks for?” Arceus said quizzically.

Sasha led the verbal assault. “Dude!” she snapped. “You can't just interrupt someone if they’re dramatically giving instructions!”

Mai averted her eyes uncomfortably. If ghosts could sweat, there would certainly be a drop of it running down her forehead. “I-it is kind of an unspoken rule…”

Jerry tugged the brim of his hat down, obscuring his eyes. His voice burned with indignation. “Do you know how many times I’ve had to practice this damned speech!? C’mon, partner,” Jerry began pleading. “Don’t do this to me.”

Ion did not speak, and instead chose to cross her arms disapprovingly. Her steely gaze pierced Arceus’s soul.

The hooded Kecleon piped up with a cold, methodical voice. “Who are you to ignore our customs? You don’t see us pointing out how you speak ‘Ye Olde Pokénglish’ incorrectly.”

Arceus pouted, but relented. “Very well. You have my…” The Nickit grimaced. “...apologies.”

“Say that again? I’m afraid I didn't hear you~!” said Sasha, a cocky grin spread wide across her face.

“No.”

Sasha rolled her eyes. “Fine… spoilsport.” Her expression turned back into a more neutral state. Everyone in the room stood in awkward silence, the air growing thick with unease. The only noise that could be heard was of Mai shuffling uncomfortably.

After a moment, Jerry cleared his throat. “We kind of have to do morning announcements sometime, so if we could please continue?”

“Y-yeah, let’s just… move past this,” replied Mai.

With that, Jerry went back to his cheerful self. “Much appreciated, partner!” The Gholdengo turned to the Kecleon beside him. “Mark, bring out the wheel!”

Mark bowed, before running out of the room. A minute passed, then two. Then three. Eventually, after five minutes, he returned with a large, bright, neon wheel. It stood tall and proud, laced with intensely shining Luminous Orbs (each a different color). The wheel was divided into eighths, each with a word marking it.

“My eyes!” cried Arceus, using a paw to shield their precious eyes from the blinding rays.

Mai looked away from the bright light as well, though she would tell you it's not nearly as piercing as Arceus may have claimed.

Sasha, unusually, stared directly into the technicolored radiance. The Luminous Orbs glimmered in the Brionne’s eyes, wide and eager to take in the new sensation.

Jerry, Ion, and Mark barely even flinched at the sudden brightness. “You got ‘er all set up, partner?” asked Jerry.

“Indeed,” responded Mark. “It is prepared to spin whenever you wish, Guildmaster.”

“Perfect! Ion!” called Jerry. “Get set up!” The Electric-type and Steel-type made eye contact, before Ion saluted. She ran out of the room and came back swiftly with a drum.

“Great! Now, let’s spin the wheel!” 

Ion started hammering the drum. Her face was hard and determined to hit the drum as fast and hard as possible, like the Flaaffy was trying to show off her strength. The deep thumps reverberated across the room. P-perfect for dramatic effect!

Mark spun the wheel clockwise, the whirlwind of lights rapidly becoming a hypnotizing spectacle. Gradually, its revolving began to stop. Upon seeing what the spinner landed on, everyone gasped in abject horror. Even Mark shuddered at the result.

Jerry took his cowboy hat off and respectfully held it over his chest. “I’m so sorry, partner,” said the Gholdengo, eyes staring down at the floor. “But the wheel has spoken.” 

Mai stood, staring with terror at the chosen task. Unable to believe her eyes, the Mimikyu read and reread the wheel’s order over and over again. But alas, the word did not change.

Retail.

***

“You think they’ll live?”

“It’s only four hours, partner. They'll manage.”

***

“This uniform is humiliating,” muttered Arceus, wearing the standard McGolden's apparel. A simple red hat, with a big, shiny, yellow “G” stamped on it. And, of course, a name tag labeling the god as “Noah.”

There Arceus stood, alone in the store’s back room. Stood. What an ugly word. They should be floating, and yet now they crawled upon the ground like a common, mortal Pokémon! Arceus’s paws would get all dirty whilst traipsing around in this filthy world!

“Hey, Arcy! The store opens in five minutes! Get your ass out here!”

Arceus calmly left the back room and jumped back up to their position on a stool behind the counter, before sighing. “Patience is a virtue, coin.”

“What did you call me!?” snapped Sasha in response.

Mai spoke up. “C-can you two please settle down?”

Arceus huffed, but stopped. Honestly, they were nearly impressed at how irritating Sasha could be. Still, the Nickit’s tail lashed with anger. It wouldst only maketh sense for Giratina to hath their creation hateth me.

After a few moments, the Portulaca Clocktower could be distantly heard ringing out eight deep gongs through the open window.

And thus, the psychological torture began. 

The first few customers went fine enough. No major hiccups were made whilst serving the ‘mons. Arceus and Sasha took their orders, Mai retrieved the requested item from storage. What could go wrong?

Turns out, a lot of things.

Nine gongs.

“Sasha! Could thou please get thine act together!?” growled Arceus. “Thou hath been staring at thy notepad and not writing anything!”

Sasha slowly blinked, before snapping out of her daze. “Right,” Sasha said. “I… just have to write it down. Yeah.”

And yet, Sasha still did not jot anything into the paper. Unfortunately, an Eevee wearing a bangle ran into the McGolden’s at just that time, stopping Arceus from commenting further. A caped Vulpix walked in a moment behind the Eevee.

Sasha doodled on her page as Arceus took the newcomer's orders. She overheard Arceus clarify something about a cinnamon macchiato, which was shortly followed by the sound of what can only be described as utter confusion. While Sasha would normally laugh at that sound, she couldn’t muster up the strength to at that moment.

Arceus, after daring round of charades with the Vulpix (“Why did I createth mutism again?”), handed Sasha their notepad. 

“Deliver this to Mai. If thou cannot be of any use here, then trade places with her,” requested Arceus.

Sasha nodded slowly. She slid into the back of the store and tapped Mai with a flipper. Wordlessly, Sasha shoved the notepad into Mai’s chest.

The Mimikyu slowly raised a claw up and gently patted Sasha on the back. “D-do you need a moment?”

Instead of responding, the Water-type simply sat herself down on a spare stool and sighed. Mai, sensing Sasha’s answer, silently grabbed the requested macchiato and left. 

Ten gongs

***

“So this is the place I'm supposed to check out? Heh, looks like an easy story. Let's see if I can't spin this tale a bit!”

***

Arceus had just finished up with the next customers (an Alolan Vulpix adorned with a crown and a shimmering Jangmo-o) when a Riolu strutted through the door.

Her tidy, golden fur shone in a color unlike that of your typical Riolu. A notepad—filled to the brim with colored page markers sticking out the sides—was grasped in her paws, along with a standard #2 pencil. Resting across her chest was a necklace, ending with a vibrant four-leaf clover. The navy band around her arms designated her as belonging to Scizor’s Guild of Journalism. 

“Hello,” said the shiny Riolu eagerly. “I'm investigating this establishment for the Daffodil Daily. Care to answer some questions?”

Arceus slowly absorbed the sight of the Fighting-type in front of them. “Doth thou not have better places to scribble about?”

The Riolu shook her head. “I joined a week ago, cut me some slack!” The Fighting-type winked. “Else, you may find some… less than ideal things about you in tomorrow's paper.”

“Threatening me?” Arceus grinned. “I fear thee shan't find any information about me that should be unsavory. Although…” The Nickit quickly brushed off their fur. “If it’s an interview with me thee would like, who would I be to argue?” 

The Riolu smirked. Perfect! “First question! What’s the name of the charming Dark-type I’ve had the pleasure of talking to?”

“The name is…” Arceus hesitated. However, it was only a moment of indecision longer, before they reached their conclusion. “Noah. Noah Arche. A pleasure to meet thy acquaintance.” Arceus gave a short little bow, to which the Riolu returned. “And what of thou?”

“You can call me Mary Sue, remember it well!” Mary gave a smug little grin. An unexplainable pit of dread grew in Arceus’s stomach. “Next question! Where’re you from? Got any relatives I should know about?”

Arceus spoke thoughtlessly. “I cometh from the Hall of O… Orion.” A perfect catcheth as always, Arceus. They suspect nothing!

“The Hall of Orion? Never heard of it!” said Mai, clearly curious for more information. “Where is it?”

“That’s classified information!” Arceus put on a secretive facade. “It’s up in the mountainous region, I cannot tell thee more than that!”

Mary deflated. “Oh well, I’ll find out somehow.” The Riolu perked up just as quickly as she slumped down. “So, are you religious then? Because the Hall of Orion sounds like some sort of monastery!”

Arceus stifled a chuckle. “Thou may call me something of the sort.”

“Last question!” said Mary loudly. “What’s your family like?”

“Oh, my family is…” Arceus waved a paw. “...quite large, I suppose one could say. I shan't tell thee more than that.”

Mary nodded. I can probably spin this into a wonder. “Commerce Guild Hires Mysterious Rogue from Faraway Lands!” Mary quietly giggled. “Perfect! And now, might I get a free coffee for the exposure I’ll give you?”

Eleven gongs.

“I apologize, but I fret we art not accepting of that… payment method.” Arceus grimaced. “Thou shall just have to search for a finer establishment.”

Mary glared daggers at Arceus. “Excuse me!? Are you discriminating against me because I'm Shiny!?” The Fighting-type dropped their well-mannered facade.

“We just performed our services to a fine Shiny immediately preceding thine entrance,” snarled Arceus. “Perchance thou art paying with the wrong currency.”

Mary sneered in response. A low rumble came from deep in her throat. “How dare you!? Do you know who I am!?”

Arceus rolled their eyes. Does thee know who I am!? God. I am thy creator! Thou art little more than a nuisance. Mary continued her onslaught of verbal lashings, her unrelenting insults only increasing in volume.

The shouting continued, blocking out of the sound of a door slamming, followed by scraping against the floors. Sasha dragged herself up onto a stool next to Arceus, her face red with anger… or as red as a Water-types' face could be against its natural blue hue, at any rate. “Get out.”

“What did you just say!?” barked Mary, whipping her head towards Sasha. The Riolu bared her fangs in fury at the opposing Brionne.

Sasha crossed her flippers. “You are not welcome here. Get. Out.” The Water-type scowled.

Mary stood in shock for a moment, before falling to the ground and screaming. “Help! This vile fiend is attacking me!”

Arceus recoiled in second-hand embarrassment. Meanwhile, Sasha just rolled her eyes. “You realize now that, since you're accusing me, there's nothing stopping me from actually fighting you, right?”

Mary slowly rose. Fur bristling, she spat out of her mouth the simple words “Are you threatening me!?”

Sasha nodded. “Yep. Now get out before I have to follow through with it.”

“Fine!” shouted Mary, looking Sasha in the eyes. “But this isn't over! Someday, I’ll be back! Mark my words.” With that, the Riolu fled out the McGolden’s front doors.

A few of the customers clapped, most notably a Meowstic, Scrafty, and Spinda. The Dragonite next to the three just sighed.

Arceus bowed theatrically, reveling in the spotlight. “Thank you, thank you!” Sasha interrupted the Nickit with a tap on the shoulder.

“I’m gonna continue my break now.” Arceus nodded in response to Sasha, being the just splendid, handsome, and humble god they are. It was only natural they allow the mortal to continue their respite!

Besides, Sasha deserved her rest.

Twelve gongs.

***

“You wanted to see me, Guildmaster Anne?”

“Yes, Mary. I was looking at your recent article, and… I think you need to work on yourself. I hereby suspend you from writing anymore articles until I see significant improvement. Understand?”

“Go to hell.”

***

“Well, howdy once again, partner,” said Jerry. The Gholdengo tipped his hat in greeting. He and Ion had both strolled into the McGolden’s right after Mai had closed the store.

“O-oh! I-it’s a pleasure to see you, Guildmaster! What are you doing here? I-I mean, welcome to McGolden’s! What can we get you?” responded Mai anxiously.

Jerry gave a hearty chuckle, echoing around the empty enterprise. “Oh, don’t worry about all that greeting mumbo-jumbo! We’re just here to appraise your work. Could you go grab your partners, partner?”

Mai rushed to the back, returning a few minutes later with Arceus and Sasha in tow. 

“Good!” Jerry smiled. “Now, Mark, if you wouldn’t mind?” As he said this, an empty corner of the store began to bend and refract oddly. More and more colors appeared, until eventually a familiarly cloaked Kecleon formed. Mark smiled in satisfaction, before stepping in front of Mai, Sasha, and Arceus. The trio stood in awe of the sudden appearance.

“Before I tell you your results, I just want to point out to everyone here that I had to stand in that same spot for the last couple of hours.” Mark shuffled around awkwardly. “I just want that to be appreciated, you know.”

Ion cleared her throat. “Well done, Mark.”

Mark’s eyes lit up in appreciation before continuing. “Anyways, I’ve been watching you three,” he said, looking at Mai, Sasha, and Arceus. “And thus, the job falls to me to tell you your results.”

Mark walked over to Mai and stood before her. The Mimikyu's heart hammered in her chest in fear. What if she failed? What if she had just ruined her chances of achieving her dreams!? What if Sasha and Arceus hated her!? What if-

“You passed with flying colors.” Mark beamed with pride. Mai’s heart fluttered joyously, the happiness of finally joining the guild elevating her mood. W-wait until I tell Sage!

Mark paced on over to Arceus. Finally, the time has cometh for me to be revered as I rightfully should be!

“You're a self-centered Dark-type who thinks they're above all else. However, you’ve demonstrated kindness and respect to your teammates.”

I haveth!?

“So, uh, you pass too. I guess.” Finishing his speech to Arceus, Mark traipsed in front of Sasha. “And now for you.”

Sasha hung her head.

“You took a three hour long break,” said Mark, though he didn't seem quite so angry as one would expect. Sasha gulped. “You also dealt with a certifiably crazy customer and came to a friend in need. You pass.”

Sasha stood stunned. “I do?”

“I mean, yeah, sure, you didn't do too well in the actual ‘job’ part of the assessment, but that's not what we really rank these on.” Mark shrugged. “There’s more than one way to make money, and we can't afford to be picky. Arceus knows the guild is empty enough as is.”

Sasha nudged Arceus with a smirk on her face. Arceus rolled their eyes.

Jerry stepped forward. “Now, partners, there’s a few things we’ve got to figure out before we make this official.” The Gholdengo pulled out a few official-looking sheets of paper and a pen. “I can probably handle most of this for y’all. It’s mostly stuff like names, species, etc. You know, stuff like that. However, there’s still one big thing that y’all got to decide.”

Mai tilted her disguise’s head inquisitively. “W-what is it?”

Jerry grinned. “Team names. What’s it gonna be, partners?”

Arceus licked their paws, to better style their fur. Their chest puffed out and their back straightened, leaving Arceus poised in a way befitting one of their status. “A team with someone as perfect as me must have the perfect name to fit. We shalt only taketh the best, so we shalt be known as the one, the only, Team Gold!”

Jerry, Mark, Ion, and (quietly) Mai immediately said in unison “Taken.”

Arceus did a double take. “Well, I suppose that I hath little choice but to settle for second best. Team Silver it is!”

Jerry, Mark, and Ion laughed. “Sorry,” said Ion, the tips of her mouth curled upwards ever so slightly. “But we’re Team Silver.” Before Acreus could even open their mouth, Ion had already interrupted. “Don't even bother, Team Bronze is also taken.”

Mai hesitantly raised a claw like a student in class. “Um… Since Team Gold is taken, m-maybe we could be Team Pyrite?”

Sasha nodded her head. “I have no idea what the fuck that is, but it sounds great!”

Underneath the cloth coverings of the Mimikyu, Mai’s cheeks flushed. “I-it’s a mineral that looks a lot like gold! S-superstition says it brings good fortune!” Mai gestured towards Arceus. “S-so, I think that fulfills your wish, right?”

“Indeed, that seems satisfactory,” responded Arceus in confirmation.

Jerry chortled. “Alrighty then, partners! Team Pyrite it is!” The Steel-type scribbled something down on the paper in their hands. “I can handle the rest from here. You fellas can relax for the remainder of the day. Just be back in the Guild by dusk.”

After promising they would be, the newly formed Team Pyrite took off their uniforms and ran out the door.

So long, McGolden’s!

***

“Now, why in tarnation is the register so empty?”

“We had to pay them.”

“...Oh yeah, that’s right!”

***

Team Pyrite sipped from their brand new complimentary waters, having returned to Kohale Kafé. Mai dug around in her bag, savoring the sound of that sweet, sweet cash! 

“Whilst I appreciate your patronage, it would be unbecoming to not tell you that’s tap water,” said the Indeedee, his eyes reflecting the deepest pits of remorse.

Mai smiled. “I-I prefer it like that.”

The Indeedee groaned.

“So, when was the last time we ate again, Mai?” asked Sasha. Despite her words, the Water-types forced smile betrayed her real meaning. I’ve never fucking ate, Mai. Never. Please, I’m starving here!

Mai let out an awkward chuckle. “A-a fair bit ago, I think!” I-I know, just give me a second here! I’m still looking at the menu!

“Might I haveth your finest cooked bread? Preferably garnished with some splendid mashed Chople Berries,” asked Arceus politely. I hath little idea what the others art dawdling about, but I desireth my toast! I shan't wait forever!

The Indeedee gasped. “I can hardly believe my ears! You’re going to actually order something besides the water?” His eyes lit up with glee. “I might pay off my debt yet!”

Mai pondered her menu. There was a surprising amount of variety for a diner. Any berry, seed, or gummi could be found in some variety in the meals listed (besides Reviser Seeds, but for good reason; intoxicating effects). However, one dish stood above the rest to the curious Mimikyu: “Salade avec Wacan.”

Oh! W-Wacan Berries! I think I remember my dad telling me those aren't healthy for E-Electric-types…

Mai giggled to herself. W-well, I’m not an Electric-type anymore! “I’ll take the Salade avec Wacan, please!”

The Indeedee jotted the request down on a notepad in cursive handwriting. “Exquisite taste, mademoiselle. And you?” He pointed towards Sasha.

The Brionne didn't even bother looking at her menu, instead opting to simply request a dish similar to Mai’s. “Salad, but spicy!”

“Salade avec Aspear then.” With a courteous bow, the Indeedee disappeared through a door labeled “Employees Only!”

He reappeared shortly thereafter holding two plates of lush green salad, each dotted with yellow berries. On the Indeedee’s left stood a Meowstic woman with a plate of toast. Her fur was pristinely groomed, though Mai noticed a few crumbs on the Meowstic’s navy fur surrounding her neck. Her piercing eyes shone with startling discipline.

“Here's your toast.” With a resounding thunk, the Meowstic dropped the dish onto the table. Arceus gazed upon the crisp beauty of the bread before them. The radiant Chople jam! The lovely aroma! And the crust was even removed!

Truly, this was the most exquisite specimen of toast Arceus had ever laid eyes on. They carefully picked up their fork and knife, and began the gourmet meal.

Utter perfection.

“Oh Arceus, it’s another weird one.” The Meowstic grumbled. The Psychic-type’s sharp claws protracted outwards on instinct.

Mai spectated the interaction as she dug into her own food. Hmm… So these are Wacan berries? T-tastes earthier than I expected.

Sasha devoured her meal, not even taking a sip of water to dampen the spicy inferno. Perhaps it was just because she was a Water-type, but she didn't even break a sweat while eating. She ate so fast, the Indeedee and Meowstic pair had returned to the Employees Only room by the time she was done.

Mai cleared her throat, interrupting the scenes before her. “U-um, should we maybe make a plan for what we’ll do next…?”

Sasha halted her onslaught against the salad. “Why? What do we need a plan for?”

“...”

“...”

“The Distortions.”

Sasha mentally slapped herself. “Oh yeah! I forgot about those. So, we gonna decide how to save Harper?”

“P-pretty much,” Mai replied. The Mimikyu awkwardly slid her fork beneath her disguise. I-I don't even know how I’m eating this.

“Well, we simply must reach those twisted by antimatter,” added Arceus, still elegantly cutting up their toast.

“And what the fuck does that mean?” Sasha asked, crossing her flippers. 

Arceus sighed. “I suppose I hath little choice but to explain it to thee.” The Nickit continued, “Distortions art but a manifestation of one’s inner negativity. That Dewott in this case, perchance?”

Mai nodded. “P-probably? There was a strange Eevee we were t-talking to, and the Distortion started a b-bit after I snuck off.” After a brief deliberation, Mai decided to add on. “S-she had a weird amulet too.”

“By any chance did it shine a stark vermillion? And resembled a circle containing a triangle?” Arceus asked anxiously.

Mai nodded hesitantly.

Arceus raised an eyebrow. “How peculiar!” The Dark-type licked some leftover jam off their lips, before elaborating. “Giratina oft prefers to work alone. To think they wouldst trust another to manhandle their amulet is an utterly foreign concept!”

Sasha held up a flipper. “Hey, Arc! Mind telling what this glorified necklace actually does?”

Arceus chuckled, raising a napkin to wipe some jam off their cheek. “Oh, it’s nothing more than a toy. Giratina merely uses it to aid in their foolhardy experiments, which shan’t succeed.”

Sasha couldn't help but snicker. “Right, obviously they won't succeed.” The Brionne gestured towards Arceus’s distinctly Nickit form, her meaning clear.

Arceus bared their fangs, glaring straight into Sasha’s eyes. “I stand by what I said, coin. Giratina has merely had a stroke of good luck! Nothing more.” May thou choke upon thy salad.

Sasha snorted, before Mai decided to open up a discussion. “O-okay, what do we need to properly explore the Distortions? I-I mean, we can probably enter them under the guise of making money!” Mai’s eyes sparkled with excitement. “W-we won’t even have to pretend! People would give a fortune for treasures formed in Distortion!” The Mimikyu began eagerly tapping her claws against the table. “T-the guild will be so proud!”

Arceus’s mouth curved upwards. “Magnificent. We hath secured our funds.” Arceus combed their fur as they considered what to spend said funding on. “Standard gear for exploring a Mystery Dungeon wouldst also be beneficial in the Distortions, so we must obtain those as well.”

“W-well, standard gear would be useful for sure!” Mai said, her voice a neutral tone. “However, the g-guilds also have their own unique, more specialized equipment.”

Sasha piped up. “Such as?”

Mai searched through her mind for specific answers. With a frown, she responded “The E-exploration and Rescue Guilds share most supplies, and I k-know they have automatic mapping gadgets.” The Ghost-type continued her explanation. “T-the Commerce Guild has some devices to scan how expensive an object is on the market too!”

Arceus nodded. “Good. The basic supplies, along with a few more specific machinations. Which, I presume, we can acquire from our guild?”

“Y-yeah! We get our uniforms and basic equipment tomorrow!” Mai squealed, claws once again tapping the table. “I-I can't wait!”

“I would've never guessed,” replied Sasha, voice as monotone and sarcastic as a one-note piano.

Arceus cleared their throat. “Perfect! Now, shalt we pay our dues and return to our bedding? Presuming, of course, there is nothing more to discuss?”

Mai hesitated. “W-well…”

Sasha sighed, as Arceus sat up straighter. The Dark-type’s ears twitched towards Mai, to better focus upon the Ghost-type’s words.

“T-the Exploration and Rescue Guilds are rather,” The Fairy-type hesitated, “clingy to their inventions.” Mai continued eating her salad, savoring it, and definitely not stalling as she considered how to resolve this issue. “T-they won’t just give them up to anyone who asks!”

“Oh.”

Team Pyrite sat without a word, with only the faintest sound of silverware scraping plates as an interruption. Salads were picked apart. Toast was devoured. Jam was spilt. The group each quietly pondered their options.

The guild's wouldst hand the gadgets over in an instant if they knew it twas I, Arceus, God of all Pokémon and Creator of this universe who asked for aide!

I c-can't face them now…

Well, a simple problem just needs a simple solution!

“Why don't we just rob the place?” asked Sasha as she finished the last bite of her Salad avec Aspear.

The trio continued sitting in silence, though the air had shifted into one of shock rather than thoughtfulness. 

“Dearest Sasha, sincerely… whatever the fucketh convinced thou that is at all an acceptable idea!?” shouted a very confused Arceus.

Sasha cackled. “Think about it, Arcy. We can just return what we stole and apologize when we’re done.” Sasha continued her explanation. “If the world’s truly in danger, I’m sure they’ll understand!”

“Fine. I supposeth that is true.” Arceus relented. “However, I desireth to be clear that we hath no idea what their security system entails-”

“A-actually, I have it memorized by heart! Though I’d prefer to… not get near the guild.”

Arceus facepalmed. “Of course thou haveth… Very well. Despite that, I am still against this fine fantasy of thievery you hath.”

“Oh, lay off it, Arcy,” replied Sasha. “I mean, who’s really gonna get hurt here? We’re not doing anything wrong.”

Arceus huffed. “We art doing only wrong! Thou art but sinners, as opposed to my grandeur!”

Mai interrupted the debate. “C-can’t we all just get along?”

Arceus’s piercing gaze tore through the very depth of Mai’s soul. “Never! I shalt never compromise with this heathen!” The Nickit pointed at Sasha, who rolled her eyes in response. “We will arriveth upon this Exploration Guild’s doorstep, request supplies, and be on our merry way! Then, I separate from this cretin! It is simple as that.”

“Like that will ever work,” sassed Sasha. “I’m not going to waste my time with that.” Mai squirmed in her seat, her stomach tightening upon seeing her teammates argue. “I’m gonna head into the guild, and just borrow a few items! Some berries, some seeds, you know! All the good stuff!”

Arceus stood from their seat coldly. “Very well,” muttered the god. “If thou art unwilling to consider alternatives, then we hath little more to discuss.” With that, Arceus stormed out of Kohale Kafé, leaving only silence in their wake.

Sasha shrugged. “Dang, the guy didn't even pay for their food. Awfully rude, don't you think?” The Brionne glanced at Mai.

The Mimikyu looked furious. Her umbral claws reached out from underneath her disguise, slowly and deliberately picking at the table. Forming a team with ‘mons I met yesterday was a mistake…

Chapter Text

It was only after Arceus had already left Kohale Kafé that they realized they didn't know where the Exploration or Rescue Guilds actually were. The Dark-type bit their lip. Arceus couldn't very well stroll back to the rest of Team Pyrite and ask for help! That would never do!

So thus, Arceus marched on aimlessly, praying to themself that either one of the guilds would materialize before them. The many brick buildings and quaint shops passed coalesced together in the Nickit’s mind. The crowded streets roared with the thundering of others’ footsteps. Each new collision with another ‘mon left Arceus scowling, accompanied by the straightening of their scuffed fur. 

Despite their lack of direction, Arceus refused to request assistance. They needed no such help! They were perfectly capable of navigating a mortal city on their own! If you must know, it took a mere two hours of walking before Arceus stumbled upon one of their destinations!

The Guild of Exploration was a sprawling complex, more akin to a college campus than a singular building. Through the institute’s tempered glass walls, Arceus could admire many courtyards, each complete with their own small garden. From atop the roof, a great big torch shone its golden light upon everything below.

Arceus confidently ascended to the top of the short entrance staircase, and hammered on the twin mahogany doors.

Said doors swung smoothly open some time later, revealing a young Sneasel. The child’s navy fur was neatly groomed, not a hair out of place. Spoiling the youth… How disappointing. Although, I supposeth they do at least know proper etiquette.

“How can I help you, sir?” asked the Sneasel boy. Arceus’s eye twitched.

“Do away with the honorifics. I’d prefer a title such as ‘milord.’” The Dark-type posed with the beauty of a marble statue, sculpted to perfection by some ingenious craftsmon who was elegant, graceful, and loyal to their divine creat-

“My mom said only cult leaders ask for people to call them that,” responded the Sneasel. “You aren’t a cult leader, are you?”

Arceus gasped. The nerve of this boy, to assume they were a cult leader! How did a ‘mon this young even know what a cult was!? “I am no cultist, child! I am thy Lord and the Divine Creator, Arceus, reduced to the form of a mortal!”

The Sneasel sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Just what do you want? Ma will be upset if I don’t get back to training.”

Arceus puffed out their chest, and stated their business. “I wouldst like to request access to thy automatic mapping devices.” 

“Not happening,” replied the child, sharpening his claws with a nail file. “That stuff's expensive! Mom won’t hand it out to just anyone! Especially not cultists!”

The two stood in silence, staring each other in the eyes. Arceus’s tail lashed at the air behind them as they stifled a growl. The Sneasel boy sported a cheeky grin, clearly satisfied about being good, obedient child. 

“…Please?” whined Arceus. The kid groaned in response.

“For goodness sake…” The Sneasel scowled at Arceus, clearly starting to get peeved. “Listen, I really have to get back to training. Just leave and do cult things okay?”

“I wouldst rather not,” replied Arceus, seething. They must return to the café with the mapping devices if they were to properly gloat about it! That Brionne would never let them hear the end of it if they came back emptyhanded!

The Sneasel hissed at Arceus, baring their fangs. “Then I hope Mom will understand that I’m busy escorting you out!”

With that, the Sneasel lunged towards Arceus, claws outstretched.

***

“Son? We need to have… The Talk.”

“Dad, I haven’t really even hit puberty ye-”

“You may be getting new thoughts now that you’re older, and that’s perfectly natural!”

“I know, Mom had this talk with me alr-”

“So, please know that if you ever have the urge to beat up cultists, it’s perfectly natural for a kid your age.”

“...What the fuck?”

“Why, I remember your mother and I taking down a cult when we were your age!  Those were the days.

“...”

“Also, 10₽ to the swear jar.”

***

“Well, Mai? Isn't Arc kinda being a jackass right now?” 

Sasha and Mai continued their meal after Arceus stormed off. The Kohale Kafé’s brick walls and oaken tables had not changed, yet the atmosphere had become oppressive even so. The light fixtures hung with Luminous Orbs, shining with a calm radiance. 

Mai’s cold eyes bored into Sasha’s thick skull. “That’s… open to debate.” The Ghost-type would nip this problematic attitude in the bud, lest it had time to spread. “I agree with them that it would be better to avoid thievery if possible. As such, you are welcome to attempt your heist. Just know that I won’t be joining it.” After all, the heist would surely fail. The Exploration Guild is a state-of-the-art facility, and the Rescue Guild isn't too far behind! A single Brionne who’s been alive less than a day would stand no chance.

“Remember, Mai; when you see a feral approaching, it's best to bait them into attacking. Then, once they’ve left themself vulnerable… break them until they don't get up!”

“O-okay, mom.”

A Pichu jumped into the Monster House, following her mother’s example. Baiting each mindless Pokémon into jumping at her, before sidestepping them and burning them to an electric crisp. Orbs were shattered. Seeds were thrown. Berries were eaten.

And the Pichu stood atop a pile of incapacitated bodies, looking annoyed. “C-can I go home now?”

Sasha scoffed. “Really!? You agree with that pompous prick?” The Brionne crossed her flippers. Inside, however, she was cowering from the abnormal demeanor Mai displayed. 

Her golden body changed paws quicker than rain hit the ground. Cashiers filed her away, then handed her off for another ‘mon to spend. Pickpockets stole her off the body of others. The rich threw her forward into a bowl, surrounded by cards. The winner poured her into their wallet like they always did.

And so, the exchange of money continued ever onward, rubbing away more and more of her gold shell for each person who clenched her.

Mai laughed uncaringly. “I never said that. Just that I don’t agree with you.”

Sasha grit her teeth. “That’s just a bullshit excuse to not take sides!”

Mai spoke. “Cease your anger, Sasha. I’ve lived in this world longer than you or Arceus. Logic dictates that I know better than the both of you.”

“Arceus is literally a fucking god.”

“Yes.” The Mimikyu laughed and slid a fair share of coins across the table towards Sasha. “Here. This should pay for our meal.”

Sasha scoffed. “Very well. I’m leaving!”

“Well, I am too!”

With that, the remainder of Team Pyrite stormed off in opposite directions. 

And Mai thought.

And thought.

And planned, and schemed, and plotted.

With a determined stride, Mai started walking through the streets of Hyacinth, destination already set in stone. She walked for quite a while. Grass became more plentiful, as brighter flowers bloomed. She took a right at the bakery, left at the Kecleon Shop, and walked inside of Sage’s workplace.

The inside of Sage’s workplace was mostly empty, the Maractus only concerned with serving a single Alcremie. The Alcremie, despite clearly not working at the small cafe, wore a quaint brown apron and oven mitts. A teal bandana was wrapped around her neck.  “H-hey Sage!”

The Maractus perked up, and quickly ran up to and hugged Mai. “Holy shit! The Reviver Seed worked!? I missed you!” Sage’s words pierced her friend just as much as her spines pierced Mai’s body.

“I-I live on a technicality! T-though not for much longer, if your needles keep stabbing me,” Mai replied. “The Reviver Seed plan failed, but your boss decided to reincarnate me!” 

Sage nodded, unfazed and still not releasing Mai from her prickly embrace. “I guess that explains why you’re a Mimikyu then. That feel weird at all?”

Mai hesitantly replied. “A-a bit. It’s strange. Like I’ve always had this body, b-but it's also brand new. Does that make sense?” 

“Nope!” Sage giggled. “Luckily, I’m past the point of questioning things like this. Pikachu or Mimikyu, you're still my… best friend!” The Maractus squeezed Mai even tighter, like a child with their plushies.

Mai smiled, despite being impaled by Sage’s spines. She reached a claw out from under her disguise, and tried her best to hug the Grass-type back. Sage reflexively jumped back.

“I forgot you’re some sort of eldritch horror underneath that disguise now,” said Sage. “Have you checked how you look with it off?”

Mai shook her head. “N-no. But you can take it off me, if you’d like! I don't mind!”

Sage smirked. “Oh? Save it for later tonight, you dirty little Ghost-type!~” A giggle escaped the Maractus’ lips upon seeing Mai’s sputtering.

“W-why would you say that!?”

“Why not?”

“U-um… Anyways, I coerced Arceus into joining the Commerce Guild, along with the sentient coin who was giving me the Reviver Seed!” said Mai after recovering. 

Sage’s bright yellow eyes glimmered with glee. “Wait, you finally ended up joining!? And you did it with Arcy!?” Sage’s smile widened. “Oh, I need to see this!”

A quiet, yet excited voice spoke up. “Pardon, but did you just say the Commerce Guild?” The Alcremie swiveled towards the Mimikyu and Maractus, a curious but pleased expression painted across her strawberry saturated features.

Mai nodded, causing the Alcremie to light up with joy. The cake slid over to the Mimkyu, and gently curtseyed her apron. “In that case, it seems we’re going to be coworkers! I’m Kate Kup!” Kate embraced Mai’s claws and shook them with both of her rich, creamy paws. “It’s a pleasure to meet you!”

Mai introduced herself in turn, and reciprocated the handshake. The two Fairy-types beamed at each other. Kate opened with a rarely used icebreaker. “So, Mai, if you were edible, what flavor would you be?”

“S-something sweet, I guess?”

“Mmmm…” Kate smiled, drool dripping from her mouth. “I can imagine it now. Ripping into your your crunchy exoskeleton, as beautiful raspberry ice cream pours out of your body!~” 

Sage rolled her eyes. “Miss, we serve food at this cafe, not Pokémon.” Why does this industry get all the crazy customers?

Kate laughed, a her dilated eyes darting around Sage’s workplace. “Then I’ll become the perfect meal. A delicacy worth devouring! A cake worth consuming!” The Alcremie took a bow, before turning to the door. “When you next see me, I’ll make sure to be a confectionary masterpiece!~ But until then, goodbye!”

Kate left the cafe, as Sage and Mai awkwardly stood there. S-she didn't even pay!

“Well, have fun working with her, Mai,” said Sage, a hesitant grin on her face.

Mai shrunk back, burying herself deep within her disguise. “D-dear Arceus, why is this my life?”

Another moment of quiet passed. “So,” spoke Sage, clapping her cactus arms. “Are you gonna order anything?”

“W-well, you could say I want to order something. I-it’s just not exactly on the menu.” Mai looked around the (now empty) cafe. Her voice dropped down to a whisper. “D-do you still have my old gear?”

Sage lowered her voice. “I have no idea why you’re whispering when it’s only you and I in here, but yes.”

***

The Daffodil Daily

Experts Say Recent Uptick in Pokémon Dramatically Leaving Cafes Could Cause Disaster for the Industry

***

Sasha wandered aimlessly through Hyacinth, as though in trance. No objective was pursued. No target was in mind. It was just the Water-type, and the cool evening air.

And also the desire to punch something.

Much like Mai, Sasha’s walk led her to the edge of the city as well. The few buildings there were spread across winding stone paths, all surrounding a small, circular plaza. In the center of the plaza was a rustic fountain of a Pokémon Sasha would later learn was named Lugia, standing tall and mighty over the plaza. Ironically, the only ‘mon standing in the statue’s vicinity was a Litten, blowing a controlled blaze of fire from his mouth. Sasha moved up next to the cat and stared furiously into the fountain of water.

The Litten glared at her, pausing his jet of fire. He walked to the opposite side of the fountain, and began his stream of embers anew.

Sasha fumed. She squinted at the pest, memorizing his face for later. Arceus, she wanted to rip that calm expression off his face. Sasha spat into the water.  

The Litten’s eye twitched unapprovingly at this, an irritated scowl written across his muzzle. He jumped onto the back of the Lugia statue, and stared down at Sasha from his new perch. “You're doing it wrong.” The cat's sharp, yet quiet voice sliced through the silence savagely.

“What was that!?”

The Litten sighed and punched the bridge of his nose. Reluctantly, he hopped down from the Lugia statue and sat next to Sasha. “You want to position your mouth like a circle, got that!?”

Sasha, confused but curious, nodded. Worse case scenario, she could just do the opposite of his instruction to make the Litten stop his lesson on… whatever he thought Sasha was doing. Thus, the Brionne acquiesced.

“Focus on the rage bubbling inside of you. The searing anger that pushes against your bones, just begging to be released.” The Litten unsheathed their claws, fury in their eyes. “From there, just breathe in… and breathe out.” With that, a burst of flame was spat from the cat’s mouth. “Easy.”

Sasha followed the Litten’s instruction, and focused on the seething fury within her. She breathed in…

“Stand up straighter. Lets more oxygen flow into your lungs without your ribs blocking them.”

Sasha reluctantly did as such. She breathed in again…

And released a jet of boiling water from her mouth, spraying from the depths within her into the ornate fountain. The Brionne let out a puff of steam as she finished.

The Litten would continue his controlled stream of fire, as Sasha recovered her breath to release more scalding water. The two did that for a while, as the day drew to a close.

“I should probably get going. I don't really live around here.”

“Same.”

Sasha and the Litten walked quietly off towards the more urban region of Hyacinth. Each turned on the same streets, walked the same roads, and strutted through the same avenues. And each stood still in front of the Commerce Guild, a paw and flipper each reaching to ring the bell. The two glanced at one another. 

“What are the chances?”

“Higher than you think.”

The Litten sighed. “I… believe this is where someone would ask for the other’s name in a typical conversation?”

Sasha rubbed the back of her head. “Yeah… Sasha Alisam.”

“Wayne Gibbus,” replied Wayne curtly. The Fire-type confidently stepped forward into the guild headquarters (after a brief greeting from Ion). Sasha followed alongside Wayne, trying to keep pace with her four-legged associate.

After a brief jaunt through the winding hallways, the duo entered what Sasha could only assume was the dining hall. A beautiful chandelier hung above the grand room, the smell of fresh bread wafting from the various small baskets laying on the tables below. A charming white tablecloth draped elegantly over each table.

Sasha took a second look at the tables. The picnic tables. Each tablecloth awkwardly and unevenly covered the worn, wooden things. The chandelier above looked stitched together from cardboard and paper maché.

Wayne turned to the Brionne. “Fancy some dinner?”

Sasha shook her head. “No thanks, I just ate.”

“Eh, suit yourself.” With that, Wayne ran off towards a distant table, waving to a singular rock sitting at his destination. “Oi, Maxine!”

Sasha slid away down the corridors of the guild, wandering around until she bumped into a familiar Nickit. She and Arceus silently marched on until reaching the dormitories, both entering simultaneously.

Sasha and Arceus settled down in their room as the day came to a close. The starry night sky enveloped the world in darkness as the sun dipped below the horizon. With a wince, Arceus rolled over on their stomach, ignoring the twinges of pain whenever a bruise rubbed against the (admittedly soft) cushion the Dark-type laid on. Across the room, Sasha was collapsed in a beanbag chair. Mai was nowhere to be seen. The hours drew on, Arceus unable to find reprieve in rest and their wounds kept them awake. They would almost be impressed with that child’s ability to mutilate them, if it didn't hurt so much.

Dearest myself, whyever did I createth the nervous system? Why didn’t I maketh pain more… pleasant?

It was then that Arceus remembered that Pokémon would die from injuries.

Nevermind, it does indeed maketh more sense for wounds to hurt.

“Hey, Arcy, you awake?”

Great. The coin was also still awake. “Yes. However, I am trying to drift off into slumber, so if they could please shutteth up, it would be much appreciated.”

Sasha grit her teeth. “Listen, Arc. I know we may have our disagreements, but isn't it better to let bygones be bygones? To leave arguments in the past? To forgive and forget about our previous anger?”

Arceus shook their head. “No.”

“Exactly!!” responded Sasha. “Mai told me she didn't agree with either of us! We can't let this slide.”

Arceus immediately shot up, their bruises suddenly feeling like a minor inconvenience. “They informed you they didn't agree with me!? I can comprehend thee not agreeing with I, for thee art and imbecile. But her!?” The Nickit snarled. “This cannot stand.”

“Agreed. Except the part about me being an imbecile,” replied Sasha. “So, I figured we could pull my heist, and then we’ll both be able to prove we have better ideas than her!”

Arceus sighed. “Very well. I shall assist in thy heist,” the Nickit said, agreeing purely to rub it into Mai’s face. And definitely not because their own plan failed. Certainly not. “However, only on a single condition.”

Sasha raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“This heist must be the epitome of righteousness,” elaborated Arceus. “We must ensure we remain completely moral criminals, of course. No Pokémon must be directly harmed by our actions.”

Sasha nodded. “Yeah, that’s fair.” The Brionne cleared her throat, putting on airs. “I, the esteemed Sasha Alisam, accept your condition, sir Arceus.”

Arceus stared at the Water-type. “That… was seriously all I was required to do to convince thee?”

Sasha shrugged. “Honestly, I'm just surprised you actually agreed in the first place.”

Arceus paced around the room, satisfied. “There may be salvation for thou yet.” The god kicked open the door to Team Pyrite’s room, and took a step into the moonlight hallway on the other side. “Now, shall we blatantly disregard the law?”

Sasha smiled. “Hell yeah!”

***

“H-hey, Sage?”

“Yeah?”

“H-hypothetically, how would you react if I told you I have a teammate who's maybe planning a robbery??”

“...”

“...”

“...Fine, I’ll get my bungee cords…”

“Yay!”

***

CRASH!

Shards of glass rained down onto the tiled floor of the Exploration Guild. Arceus stepped through the empty window frame into the facility before them. Sasha followed soon after. “Jeez, Arcy. Didn't peg you as the type to commit property damage.”

Arceus huffed, cleaning off the few flecks of glass stuck to their fur. “Better a window be smashed than a Pokémon.”

The criminals looked around their entry point. Shimmering shards of glass twinkled in the moonlight, the only source of stimuli in the bland hallway. No bulletins nor whimsical drawings were pinned to the repetitive white walls. The only interruption in the monotonous corridor were the uniform doors leading to impeccably clean rooms, aligned side-by-side like classrooms in a school. 

“So, you got any idea where the navigation equipment would be stored?” Sasha asked Arceus as she peered through an open doorway. “‘Cause it’s not here, I can tell you that much.”

Arceus traipsed further along the hallway, poking their head into each room as the went. “Thou art under the perception I wouldst know!? I believe it was thine idea to do this in the first place!!”

Sasha rolled her eyes. “Fine. We’re probably gonna have to check deeper in though. I doubt they just keep spares of these things lying around.”

“Very well then. Let us begin by scouring th-” 

Arceus was cut-off by a rock, thrown through the already shattered window. It landed with a THUD in front of the Nickit’s paws, their eyes widening in shock. A voice echoed in from outside the guild. “Hey, Alex, I found a window that’s already broken!”

Sasha tackled Arceus into the nearest room right as a Noibat flew in. He reached down from the windowsill, lifting up a male Meowstic who promptly fell down onto the cold floor face-first. Arceus pushed an ear up against the door, “coincidentally” overhearing the other thieves’ discussion.

The Meowstic pushed himself up from the ground, stumbling as he did so. A dopey grin spread wide across his flushed face. “Huzzzzah! We got in, uh… Fure!”

The Noibat sighed. “I told you when we were forming the team, it’s Feru. And be quiet, Alex, there’s Pokémon nearby!”

Alex pouted, face still flushed. “That’s wha’ I sssaid!” The Meowstic grumbled, arms crossed.

“Let’s just get to the heist, alright?” Feru folded up his wings, gracefully landing besides Alex on the floor. 

“Oh yea’! Je forgot!” the Psychic-type giggled. “So, got any ideas where the navvigation stuff is?”

“You think I’d know? It was you who suggested this in the first place!”

Alex blinked. “Oooh… We’ll hafta look deeper in then…” The pair recklessly ran off into the darkness of the halls, each seeming to have no clear objective.

Arceus and Sasha emerged from their hiding place, stealthily walking back into the hallway. “Hey! Those bastards basically copied our script!”

Arceus carefully considered the Brionne’s words. “Thou art correct!! We cannot let this stand!” The Dark-type puffed out their chest and cleared their throat. “We shall soon show those imbeciles who they deal with! They shall not find the navigating devices they wish, for we shall taketh them first!!”

Sasha applauded her teammate’s words. “Well said, well said.” The two members of Team Pyrite began silently creeping down the hallway in the opposite direction of their rival crooks. Arceus snuck past each room with immense caution, as Sasha barrelled past with reckless abandon.

Eventually, Arceus and Sasha came across a very convenient floor guide of the guild, akin to those fancy monitors Mist Continent malls always seemed to have—according to Mai, at least. Neither Sasha nor Arceu had ever visited the Mist Continent for obvious reasons. 

Sasha squinted at the map as Arceus stood off to the side. “That would not happen to tell where we may find our navigation devices, does it?”

“Oh yes,” responded Sasha. “There’s a little dot here that says ‘Navigation Devices and Other Things to Steal’.”

“Really?” asked Arceus, eyes gleaming with hope.

“Of course not, you fucking moron!” Sasha snarled. She continued tracing the paths of the map with her eyes.

Arceus rolled their eyes. “My apologies. Now, can thou tell me wherever it may say ‘Storage’ on the map?” Sasha didn't respond to Arceus, prompting the god to shove her out of the way and look at the map themself. “There we go, ‘Storage.’ Now, shall we get going?”

“Fine.”

With that, the duo began walking back to where they broke in, as the storage rooms seemed to be in the opposite direction of where they were heading originally. As the hallways went on and on and on, nothing changed but the patterns on the floor.

The pitter-patter of unfamiliar footsteps echoed down the corridors and into Arceus’s ears. The Meowstic sprinted by them as the Noibat flew overhead. “Comin’ through!”

Sasha looked back at the thieves as they turned the corner. “Now what was that about?”

“Stop, thieves!”

“That, if I must take a gander.” Arceus looked at the silhouette at the other end of the hall. Its features were hard to make out against the light behind the Pokémon for what could only be assumed to be dramatic effect. After a moment of staring, it hit Arceus.

It was the Sneasel.

“Forget about the navigation devices, Sasha! Run for it!”

The Water-type scoffed, before breaking her promise of a morally-acceptable robbery and running straight towards the child before her. “Oh, c’mon! We can take them, Arc! Watch this!” Sasha’s charge was cut short by her tripping over the Sneasel’s leg, immediately followed by a series of slashes as she flew into a wall. By the time Sasha caught her bearings, it was too late. Her flippers were frozen to the wall in a block of ice.

“Stay here when I go after your partners!”

Arceus dashed away from the terror pursuing them, almost tripping over their own four feet as they did so. The Dark-type looked ahead. Alex and Feru were heading towards the farther, left-turning hallway. Arceus sharply turned right, in the hopes the monster chasing them would go after the other thieves.

Unfortunately, the odds were not in Arceus’s favor. The Sneasel refused to give up their pursuit, dashing after Arceus in a blue of blue. “Heh, dead end, criminal scum!”

Arceus pondered their options for a moment. Assuming this hallway was a dead end, the Nickit was doomed. Turning around would not suffice, given the threat chasing them through the guild. The moon cast light down from the skies and into the hallway, but Arceus could hardly use that light to blind their hunter. Though, if the moon was visible, that must mean…

Arceus crashed against the windows, breaking through the glass and tumbling into what the Dark-type assumed to be a courtyard. Not as though they could afford to wait of course. The Sneasel would surely purs-

A rope dropped onto Arceus’s forehead, hitting the Nickit like a rock being thrown at a feral. Without questioning the convenient turn of events, Arceus quickly crawled up the cord and onto the roof of the guild. On top of the building, Arceus saw Sasha looking dazed on the floor, a Maractus standing over her.

Arceus bowed their head politely towards their saviors. “Thank you.”

Mai tossed a metal badge at Arceus. “S-save it.”

***

“Oh, c’mon! You can't just jump through the window! That ruins the fun!!”

***

After returning to Gholdengo’s Guild of Commerce and settling down in their rooms, Mai began applying Oran juice to Sasha’s wounds. “My flippers still feel numb.”

“S-stop moving around! It’ll only make it hurt more,” replied Mai. “A-and you better get used to that numbness, since it’s not going away until Sage comes back with a Heal Seed!”

Sasha shivered as the Oran juice touched her wounds. The slices across her body had been cleaned and sneakily covered with fur. She could still feel the cold nipping at her flippers, even with Sage’s best attempts at using Sunny Day to warm them up. 

Arceus pawed at the floor, their fur far from its usual pristine condition. “Why did thou recklessly run into combat with that terror of a child!?”

“It was just some fucking kid!” snapped Sasha. “How was I supposed to know he was some psycho!?” 

Arceus responded with a glare. “Mayhaps thou could have listened to me, and avoided this fate.” The Dark-type curled up in their bed, the single cushion providing a soft resting place for the ‘mon. “Might I add that this heist twas thine idea?”

Sasha rolled her eyes. “Well, you agreed to it!”

“Well, I—”

“Both of you, shut . Up. ” Mai glared down at her teammates, a ghostly claw picking at the ground. “Arceus, you’re a god, you should know better than to argue with Sasha over something useless. Sasha, you have been alive for less than a week, listen to someone who knows what they're doing for once.” 

“But—”

In the blink of an eye, Mai’s claws were up against Arceus’s throat. “I’m not asking!” she chirped.

Sasha piped up. “Okay, Mai, that’s enough. You've made your point.” The Water-type raised her still stinging flippers in mock surrender. “There’s no need to threaten Arcy over it.”

The door creaked open as Sage returned, a Heal Seed stuck gently to one of her spines. She stopped, took one look at the situation, and sighed. “Mai, what did I say about holding Pokémon hostage over minor disagreements?”

Mai whined. “But Sage! They deserved it!” 

The Maractus rolled her eyes, walking over to Sasha and cracking open the seed’s hard shell. Sasha ate the medicinal plant dutifully. “While I won't pretend to be particularly upset over seeing my boss squirm, I still need them alive if I want my salary.”

“Does Giratina not pay thee?”

Sage grimaced. “Mandatory unpaid overtime.” The whole room collectively groaned. “I’m gonna want a raise once you’re back in power, Arcy.”

“That… can be arranged,” replied Arceus.

“So!” began Mai. The Mimikyu pulled a whiteboard out from beneath her cloak, and began scribbling on it. “We have all we need to e-explore the Distortion now. Thus, I propose we do some recon tomorrow, to be f-followed by a more specialized operation later.”

Sasha and Arceus both nodded, still shaken from Mai’s sudden aggressiveness. Sage pulled out a glowing blue Escape Orb, along with a few basic supplies for exploring and handed them over to Mai.

“M-more importantly, we also receive our official Commerce Guild scarves!” The Fairy-type made a high pitched squeaking noise, her claws picking even more at the ground. “Isn't that so exciting!?”

As Sage exited, Sasha yawned. “Happy you’re happy, Mai.” 

With twelve rings from the Portulaca Clocktower, the day had officially ended.

***

Meanwhile…

***

Giratina flipped through the newest issue of The Pickpocket Daily, sighing as they finished yet another magazine. “Lia, are there any more of those catalogs about interior design? Arceus’s room is dreadfully bland.”

The Eevee next to the Lord of Antimatter sighed, her paws kicked up on the table in the center of the afterlife’s waiting room. “No, Master Giratina.”

“I told you before, drop the ‘Master’ thing! It makes us sound like a cult!” Giratina poured into a homemade map of what the Ghost-type assumed was the Hall of Origin. “Also, you wouldn't happen to know where the dining hall is, would you?”

Lia shrugged. “How would I know if you don't? This place is noneuclidean anyways.” The Eevee walked towards her newly installed minifridge and took out a can of Pocket Monster Energy. “If you’re that desperate for food, send me back to the Distortion and I’ll find something for you to eat.”

“Lia, that would just be eating myself,” replied Giratina. Suddenly, the Lord of Antimatter perked up, as though hearing something their Eevee companion could not. “Ooooh, hold that thought! Your girlfriend’s back!” 

Lia opened her mouth, but was cut short by a swirling miasma of violet energy manifesting in the center of the room. The vortex opened up slowly and surely, shimmering with a lovely purple light. A black paw stepped through, the Pokémon’s yellow tail wagging with glee. The emerging ‘mon grinned, before striking a pose for her allies.

“Great news, Giratina! I found Arceus!”

The Ghost-type jolted up from their relaxed stance. “Already!?”

The informant nodded. “No need to thank me!”

Giratina chuckled. “Fine, fine. Ten points for you.” The Lord of Antimatter sifted through the mess of magazines haphazardly stream about the room, searching for something they hadn't read yet. 

Lia walked up to Giratina, bowing with respect. “What should we do now, Master?”

The Dragon-type groaned, slowly accepting Lia wouldn't ever stop calling them that. “We wait. If Arcy lives like a normal ‘mon, I see no reason for us to eliminate them.”

“And if not?”

Giratina froze. “If not… then let the games begin!”

Chapter Text

Despite it already being midmorning, Mai had barely touched her breakfast. Any second now… Any moment, and Team Silver would walk in and officially designate her as part of the guild! Mai hardly even noticed herself scratching the picnic table she sat at. It was just like in her dreams! Soon, the guild would cheer for her and—!

“Mai, you good?” interjected Sasha. The Brionne awkwardly stabbed her meal with a fork, shoving the pancake haphazardly into her mouth. “You’re practically vibrating with joy at this point.”

Mai mareepishly stilled herself before responding. “S-sorry…”

Arceus responded in Sasha’s place. “Please, do not halt thy joy on our account. After all…” The Nickit turned to the Water-type, their eyes pleading. “...we wouldn't like to upset Mai, wouldst we?”

Sasha shivered. “Yeah. Anything but that.”

Soon enough, Team Silver stepped through the grand doorway of the dining hall. Mark carried a few leather bags under his arms, each marked with a teal pin. 

Jerry counted each Pokémon in the dining hall, muttering to himself. After a minute, the Gholdengo grinned. “Yesiree, that’s everyone! Ion, if you would fetch me a table?”

The Flaaffy nodded and rushed suddenly to the opposite side of the room. She gripped a table and casually lifted it onto one of her shoulders, before running back to Jerry and placing it before him. A-a bit unnecessary to run all the way to the other side of the hall for that, but okay I guess…

The Gholdengo jumped up on top of the table, and, with a wink, tipped his hat to Team Pyrite. Now’s your moment, partners. “Guildsmon! May I have your attention?”

The rest of the guild—which, Arceus noted, was barely in the double-digits—halted their conversations and turned to look at their Guildmaster.

“Thank you!” Jerry cleared his throat. “First order of business: I’m sure y’all realized that one of our close friends, Harper, has been absent for some time. Now, I won’t beat around the bush; I’ve got sources tellin’ me he’s trapped in one of those blasted Distortions.”

A gasp echoed throughout the room. 

Wiping a metal tear from his eyes, the Ghost-type continued. “In brighter news, we’ve recently acquired three new guildmates for y’all!” Jerry smiled, and pointed a golden finger towards Team Pyrite. “Mai, Sasha, and Noah!”

A cacophony of cheers rang through the dining hall. Kate banged a frying pan against a table in celebration, which could be heard echoing from across the room.

Jerry continued speaking over the deafening noise, seemingly ignoring (or maybe just not noticing) the racket. “Please, make them feel welcome amongst y’all. Show ‘em the ropes, make them glad they joined our fine guild!”

Every guild member nodded in response.

Jerry stepped to the side, allowing Mark to climb up onto the table to speak. The Kecleon held out the satchels, and made his request. “Would Team Pyrite please come to The Table?”

Mai, Sasha, and Arceus slid out of their seats and marched up to Mark. Each put forth one of their species’ respective appendages to receive a bag.

Mark smiled, and handed the bags over. “Inside each bag is the Market Value Marker, among other basic supplies. It's standard for Commerce Guild members to have one on them to help estimate an item’s price.”

Arceus reached a paw into their bag and took out a cold metal object. The Dark-type strapped the watch-like device around their forepaw and tapped the MVM out of curiosity. Immediately it lit up, revealing an indecipherable mess of buttons that Arceus couldn't even begin to understand.

“Naturally, the hundred-twenty-three page long instruction manual is also included in your bags.”

Jerry patted Mark on the back, the Kecleon quieting down to let the Gholdengo speak. “Now, partners. Do you swear on your very essence that you will reflect our principles of cleverness, persuasiveness, and creativity in order to make as much money as possible?”

Mai smiled, clawing at the ground. Stars shined in her eyes, eagerness and joy reflected in them. Even with the cloth covering the Mimikyu's face, it was easy to tell how giddy she felt. “I do.”

Sasha used her skirt-like fins to do a quick curtsey. Despite the formal gesture, the Water-type’s voice betrayed her lack of care. “Yeah, sure.” 

Arceus crossed a paw over their puffed-out chest, bowing their head in respect. “I promise thee, I shall serve dutifully.”

With that, Team Pyrite each triumphantly took a teal bandana out of their packs, the stark color shimmering in the light. The trio wrapped the accessory around their necks (or in Mai’s case, their costume’s) and returned to their seats.

A roaring applause broke out across the dining hall, each Pokémon clapping thrice as hard to make up for the guild's lack of numbers. A warm smile spread across Mai’s face, making her glee evident.

“Welcome to the guild, partners!”

***

“Ever think about how weird it is that we have the least members of all the guilds?”

“How so?”

“I just figured there’d be more ‘mons in the Commerce Guild, given how greed runs rampant around the city. That's all.” 

***

“Oh, hey. You must be the girl Kate told me about.”

Mai sighed. Just as she was about to escape that uncomfortably loud dining hall. Quickly composing herself, the Ghost-type responded. “Y-yep, that's me!”

The Milotic in front of Mai looked down at the Mimikyu, taking notes of how the Ghost-type kept shifting their weight beneath their disguise. “I’ll be brief: I’m Nessie Loch. Kate and I are the most experienced members here—other than Team Silver, of course.” The serpent bowed respectfully. Mai did the same in return. 

“Oh!” chirped Mai. “I-it’s nice to meet you! I think I’ve actually heard of you before!” The Mimikyu awkwardly giggled, ignoring the cluttered background conversation blending together in her ears.

Nessie nodded, her antennae twitching this way and that. M-maybe that’s caused by the noise?   “Anyways, just give me a call if you need some help. Team Seafood will be there in a heartbeat.”

Mai nodded, and scuttled out of the room. Down the deserted hallways, across the empty corridors, and out the guild’s door. Sasha and Arceus followed suit only a few minutes later. They had a Distortion to investigate.

Thus, Team Pyrite began their trek to the outskirts of Hyacinth. The sun rose higher and higher into the sky, twelve chimes ringing out of Portulaca Clocktower as the trio arrived at their destination.

A swarm of Pokémon in violet bandannas crowded the entrance of the cave, distorted winds swirling around it. Theo flew overhead, gazing down at his guild members. Purple tents were pitched all over the area, groggy guildees just starting to emerge. T-they get to sleep in!? Lucky!

Arceus padded over to the cavern’s mouth, and carefully observed it. The winds, whilst noticeable, were not considerably strong. The cave was decorated with those small lights that always seemed to materialize around the holidays. Though really, there were much better lighting options! Was the GDC seriously so cheap as to hang tiny bulbs you could find at Floorstore!? Who shops at Floorstore!? Everyone knows you go to Kecleon’s Shop for high quality prod-

“Noah, you’ve been staring at those lights for a solid five minutes now. Did your brain stop working or something?”

“I am merely… disappointed in the GDC’s budgeting. That is all,” replied Arceus to Sasha. 

Mai tiptoed up beside her teammates, admiring the twinkling lights. “I-I’m not! I think the lights add a nice atmosphere!”

Sasha then slid forward to the cave, preparing to enter. “I don't give a damn about their lighting, so long as it gets the job done.” The Brionne cocked her head to the cavern in front of her before continuing. “Now, can we show this Distortion who’s boss?”

The other members of Team Pyrite gave a celebratory cheer, and gladly ran into Giratina’s domain.

***

“O-oh hey! The MVM says these rocks are worth 50 Poké apiece! I-I think they’re geodes!”

“Can thy Market Value Market tell us how much these lights are worth?”

“I-I already tried. It just came back as an error.”

“...”

***

The uncomfortable twisting of air in Mai’s lungs kicked in almost the instant she entered the Distortion. Luckily, she was expecting it—unlike Sasha and Arceus, who were busy sputtering on the ground.

Mai quickly took measure of her surroundings now that she was properly inside the Distortion. Might as well do something of use while her teammates recovered. 

The first thing the Mimikyu noticed in the limestone cavern were the droplets of water dripping off the stalactites. They splashed into the small puddles littering the ground and rippled outwards. 

The second thing Mai noted was the size of the cave. It seemed… a lot bigger since she had been here last. The ceiling rose stories high, and absolutely did not fit the geometry outside of the cave. S-so it’s like a more complex Mystery Dungeon then? Good! That makes this easy!

The third and final thing Mai took note of were the bottomless pits surrounding the room. Yeah, falling down those would not be good. Seemed like something from Wailord of the Rings honestly. 

Sasha picked herself up from the ground, before pulling Arceus to their feet as well. “You good?”

The Dark-type pouted. “I didn't need thy help, coin! I could haveth myself rejuvenated at any time if I so wished.”

Mai cleared her throat, catching the other two’s attention. “O-okay, listen up! I have a plan!” The Mimikyu idly clawed a stalagmite. Hmm… a bit rough. I rank this a 4/10.

“Oh?” Arceus raised an eyebrow. “Pray tell.”

“Okay, so! J-judging from what I saw a few days ago, Harper’s probably the one who’s… uh… ‘twisted by antimatter’ according to Arceus.” Mai paced around in circles, chitin beneath her costume clicking against the cave floor. “Now, presumably Giratina wants the Distortion maintained for as long as possible. S-so, it stands to reason that Harper would be deep within!”

Arceus nodded in affirmation. “That is correct. Giratina wouldst never maketh a plan they shan't follow through on.” 

“Okay, sweet. We go ahead, find Harper, and rescue them,” added Sasha. “Anything else we need to know?”

When no one said anything, the Brionne dove into a nearby pool and swam off.

“H-hey! Don’t leave us behind!” Mai scuttled after Sasha, with Arceus quick to follow. “We can’t swim! New bodies, remember?”

Arceus sighed. “I am surprised thee even can swim, Sasha. Thine body ist novel too, after all.”

Sasha merely shrugged. “Well, maybe I’m just better than you.”

Mai gave her teammates a death glare. “Behave yourselves. We don't have time for you two to argue like children.”

Arceus and Sasha would have retorted if Mai was any other ‘mon. Unfortunately, this was the ‘mon who held Arceus hostage not even a day ago. So instead, they just shuddered, and quieted down. 

Mai calmed herself, and marched deeper into the Distortion. “Good.”

Sasha and Arceus hesitantly followed the Mimikyu. The longer they wandered the cavern, the larger it seemed to become. The stalagmites became smaller and smaller, eventually disappearing entirely. The rough limestone beneath Team Pyrite smoothed out into a tiled path, leading down an obscured path. Clearly, the GDC’s lighting stopped here.

Unfortunately, before they could continue into the abyssal darkness, a voice cut across the quiet cave. “Halt!”

From the ceiling dropped three Pokémon, who must've been hiding behind the larger stalactites. A Floette landed gracefully, bereft of her species’ signature flower. Instead, in her arms was a strange metal contraption. Arceus could best describe it as some sort of metal tube with a handle, pointed straight at them. “We are Team Bullseye of the GDC! Who are you!?” The Fairy-type narrowed her eyes. “And what business do you have in this Distortion!?”

Mai cleared her throat. “We are Team Pyrite of Gholdengo’s Guild of Commerce! We’ve come to—”

“Let me stop you right there,” the Floette interjected. “You’re here to find some rare item that will sell for a lot due to being made in a Distortion. Which, alright, fine. A bit greedy, but—”

The Fairy-types’ quarrel became white noise to Arceus and Sasha as they stared at the Floette’s teammates.

A Meowstic and a Noibat.

“ Vous look… familiar,” muttered Alex. The Psychic-type shifted his balance nervously. 

“They were the ones we ran into at the Exploration Guild, idiot!” hissed Feru. “And what's more, they weren't members of it either!”

“Oh,” whispered Alex. “ Oh! ” A dubious smirk spread across the Meowstic’s lips. “Hey, Gwen!”

The Floette paused her argument and glanced her teammate’s way. “What!? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something!?”

Alex’s grin did not waver at Gwen’s rude response. Instead, it flourished with mischief. “Thhey were the ones we ssaw trying to rob the Explorrration Guild.”

The Floette fiddled with her tube-shaped gizmo, still pointed at Mai. “What!?” Gwen shook her head in disappointment. “I was aware the Commerce Guild was avaricious, but this is a new low.”

“H-hey!” snapped Mai. “Those navigation devices were difficult to get our claws on!”

“Correct,” added Arceus. “At the very least, thy could respecteth our effort.”

Gwen laughed. “As if!” The Floette turned towards her teammates. “I mean, these two just walked up to the Exploration Guild and asked!”

Feru and Alex both whistled innocently.

Gwen turned back towards Team Pyrite, only to have her face collide with Sasha jetting towards her—immersed in water, to strengthen the Brionne's attack.

“C’mon,” said Sasha as her Aqua Jet concluded. The Water-type grabbed Arceus and Mai and sprinted past Team Bullseye. “We’re getting out of here.”

Gwen picked herself up off the ground as Team Pyrite fled. The Floette glared at her teammates. “Well, are you guys gonna just stand here? Go after them!”

Feru and Alex gulped. “Y-yes ma’am.”

***

Chk-chkk!

“I guess you’ll serve as good target practice at least.”

***

Whizz…

BOOM!!

The ground thundered beneath Mai. A second Blast Seed whipped past the Mimikyu, narrowly missing her head. She hit the third back to Team Bullseye with her wooden tail.

“MOVE, ALEX!”

BOOM!

“Gwen, are your weapons always so… loud?” asked Feru. His teammate fired off a few more rounds, before giving a steady nod of her head.

BOOM!

“What the fuck even is that!?” shouted Sasha as she zigzagged between stalagmites. The same stalagmites that would be blown to shreds seconds later. 

Gwen continued her onslaught of Blast Seed bombardment. “I call it my ‘Genesis of Unloading Nightmares!’ Or, a GUN for short!” The Floette swapped clips and shot an Iron Spike above Sasha.

“You missed!” The Brionne stuck her tongue out at Gwen. 

“I wasn't aiming for you, idiot.”

A stalactite fell from the ceiling, dislodged by the Iron Spike. The sharp stone grazed Sasha's side during its descent. The Water-type grit her teeth, leaping behind a stalagmite to shield her.

“Hey Alex!” Gwen called to her comrade. “Wanna help me with a trick shot!?”

“Helll yeah!” The Meowstic unfolded his ears, psychic powers at the ready.

Gwen nodded and fired off another round, seemingly ways away from hitting its mark. Suddenly, with a snap, Alex summoned several screens of light, ricocheting the Iron Spike this way and that, before with Sasha's side. The Brionne hissed in agony.

Gwen gave Alex a thumbs-up. “Nice Reflect!”

Meanwhile, Arceus tossed an Oran Berry Sasha’s way. “Eat it. Thou wilt be fine, so long as thou consume it quickly and keep running.”

Sasha nodded, popping the berry into her mouth. The effect was immediate. A warm, tingly feeling spread across her wound. New, tender skin grew over the injury, leaving it good as new. The Brionne quickly got her bearings and continued fleeing before Gwen could pursue. 

The Floette turned her attention to the other Fairy-type in the cavern. Taking aim, she fired a volley of three shots at her Mimikyu opponent. Mai sidestepped the first spike, ducked under the second, and effortlessly caught the third before throwing it back.

Gwen blocked the projectile with her gun. Unfortunately (or, in Mai’s case, very fortunately), the Iron Spike wedged itself in the barrel of the gun and refused to come out—no matter how hard Gwen tugged.

“O-oh, sorry!” squeaked Mai. “I didn't mean to break your… uh, gun! I was aiming for you , I swear!”

Gwen waved off Mai’s apology. “It’s fine. It was overdue for a repair anyways, and there were some new features I’ve been wanting to add.”

“Oh, okay!”

“Hey, why are you two just talking!? The fight's not over yet!” screeched Feru as he flew at Mai, preparing to bite her.

Mai immediately grabbed the Noibat, then slammed him into the ground. Hard. As Feru lay prone, Mai dropped a few coins onto him. “For your hospital bills,” she explained.

The Mimikyu turned back to Gwen. “S-so, should we just say this battle was a draw?”

The Floette nodded. “Sure.” Gwen pulled out a notepad and started scribbling. Peeking over her opponent’s shoulder, Mai could hardly understand the complex mathematical formulas scrawled across the page. “Wasn't counting on you using my own ammo against me. I’m going to have to brainstorm something to deal with that now, you little fiend!” Despite her words, the Floette’s tone was playful.

“H-happy to provide a good challenge, I guess?” replied Mai.

Gwen’s eyes burned with intense passion, a joyful, determined expression painted across her face. “We will beat you next time. Mark. My. Words.” 

With that, the Floette floated off into the darkness of the cavern. Alex awkwardly lifted Feru’s unconscious body up above his head, before running after his teammate. “ Mais Gwen! We won’t be able to navvigate without Feru’s echolo.. echalo…? Noise sight thing! ”

Team Pyrite stood there as Alex’s footsteps faded into the distance. After a moment, Sasha piped up. “No way to navigate? They stole the Navigation Devices just like us! Do they not know how to use them or something!? ”

Arceus nodded, eager to prove their superior intellect to their teammate. “Clearly! Thou just clicketh this button here… Or mayhaps the other one…”

Mai ignored her teammates fumbling with their Navigation Devices and instead checked her own. She clicked the buttons on the small badge as though she'd been doing it all her life, and a holographic map instantly appeared in front of her. Three clicks later, and Mai had already found an oddity worth investigating. “F-follow me!”

Sasha and Arceus stopped messing with their devices. “How come?” asked Sasha.

Mai enlarged the hologram in front of her so her teammates could see. “T-there’s an area we’ve already been to that still hasn't been mapped out by our Navs.” The Mimikyu pointed a claw towards a part of the hologram. Where indicated, there was a great blob of indistinct voxels. “That can be a sign that there are high levels of mysteriousity in that area. T-thus, I think it’s worth checking out.”

Arceus nodded, pushing their question of what mysteriousity is out of their mind. They could ask later. “Impressive. I suppose that makes sense. Giratina has always been interested in Mystery Dungeons.” A spark of curiosity blossomed inside the god’s mind, quickly becoming a thirst simply begging to be quenched. “Whom did you learn this from? ‘Tis quite impressive for a Pokémon as young as thou to be so highly educated on matters such as these.”

Mai remained awkwardly silent, before gesturing to a well-lit part of the cavern. “The glitched section of the map is this way. Let's go.”

Arceus sighed, pinching the bridge of their nose. After a moment, the Dark-type followed after Mai, with Sasha rushing after them.

“Wait for me!”

***

“Alex. Fetch me a Barrage Emera, and some tape. Oh, and a few hundred Blast Seeds.”

***

“You sure this is where the anomaly is?”

“C-certain.” Despite Mai’s words, the cavern Team Pyrite was in looked no different than the rest of the Distortion. It was the same familiar limestone, the same familiar lighting, and the same familiar pools of water. “Check for any secret levers or switches. While they certainly aren't common, I’ve still occasionally seen them manifest in Mystery Dungeons. T-they can probably appear in Distortions too, if I had to guess.”

Sasha shrugged. “Alright then. Arceus, you check that wall there, and I’ll inspect this one.” The Water-type pointed in two different directions. 

“Do not order me around, Brionne.” Despite what Arceus said, they immediately began investigating where Sasha had asked them to. Their paws traced the smooth rocks and stalagmites, feeling nothing out of the ordinary. Paws. How curious it felt to have them. The concept that most Pokémon would need to walk amongst the ground had not crossed Arceus’s mind since they made the world millenia ago. If they were to remake the world with their current knowledge and experience, Arceus would let every Pokémon fly! Maybe they’d have paws exist merely for aesthetic purposes… their past self really was a genius for adding those cute little beans when creating them.

Arceus shook themself out of their reverie. It was no use dabbling in what-ifs. Resetting the world just to make it again was completely possible, it would also be completely stupid. Arceus would never admit it, but all those past civilizations, blossoming cities, and “mysterious ruins” had grown on them over the years. Even random ferals inside Mystery Dungeons were fun to watch from time to time. The thought of getting rid of it all stung like salt in a wound.

“Nothing over here, Arcy,” said Sasha. “You having any better luck?”

“I’m afraid not,” responded Arceus. The Nickit turned to Mai. Hesitantly, they spoke. “Might I proposeth an idea…?”

“S-sure!”

Arceus gulped. The image of Mai’s claws around their neck flashed in their mind. “Could we mayhapperh… halt our exploration so we may regain sustenance?”

Mai tried mentally to translate the archaic phrasing and vocabulary to the best of her abilities. “A-are you asking if we can stop to eat?”

Arceus nodded. 

Mai smiled. “T-that’s not actually a bad idea! Areas of high mysteriousity drain your energy quicker anyways.” The Fairy-type dug into her bag and tossed an apple to each of her teammates. “S-so… Fine. I guess we can take a break for a while.”

“Thanketh thou.”

Arceus bit into the apple with a large crunch! Meanwhile, Sasha dove into the water with her snack, deciding to go for a swim. 

The cave water rushed over the Brionne as she sank beneath the surface. The sounds above her became more and more muffled the more Sasha swam down. Eventually, she reached the dim bottom of the reservoir and curled up against a rock. Despite all the water, the Brionne could clearly see through the darkness as though the reservoir was no different than air. All relaxed and cozy, Sasha bit into her apple.

…Not bad. A bit soggy, but not bad at all!

Sasha did a little flip in celebration. That’s another food she tried! Another taste, another flavor, another texture! Another sensation! The Brionne ran a flipper through her fur. Such a pleasant feeling! She never had fur as a coin!

A muffled call came from above the water. Sasha swam back upwards and popped her head up. Mai stood next to the pool, presumably being the one shouting to Sasha.

“I-I just had a thought,” said the Fairy-type, spinning a stone on the tip of her claws. Mai then skipped the rock across the water, almost hitting Sasha by mistake. “There could be a secret switch somewhere underwater. C-could you check for me?”

Sasha nodded, before heading back under. Diving to the bottom of the reservoir in a trail of bubbles, the Brionne quickly got to work. A quick check of the walls revealed no secret buttons nor levels. Or at least, not directly. What she did find was a thin passage in the rocks, just barely big enough for Sasha to squirm her way through. On the other side was a grand chamber, filled only midway with water. A submerged city lay in ruin beneath the water, but for the tip of a tower’s spire.

Said tower’s top glowing with a brilliant white light, beckoning Sasha to come closer.

The Brionne swam up the tower, ignoring the probably unimportant hieroglyphics glowing on its sides. Just some strange pictures of the ocean’s waves. Nothing of any particular interest, surely!

Sasha swam just below the surface of the water, before jumping onto a balcony just barely above the it. There, she stood face-to-face with a brilliant rotating light. Standing this close, its radiance was blinding. Below the light was a note Sasha could, sadly, not decipher. There was also a lever.

Needless to say, Sasha pulled it.

All illumination immediately vanished. Heavy drops began to drip from the distant ceiling, dropping downward into the dark depths of the flooded ruins.

The drops started falling with more and more frequency, splattering across Sasha’s head and into the water like a sudden rainstorm. 

The water began to swirl, and writhe, and twist ferociously. Cyclically. An unnatural whirlpool was forming in the dim light of the cave. 

And then the water began to rise.

“Oh, shit!” snarled Sasha as she hopped on top of the snuffed out light. There was no way she was gonna die like this!

And yet, the water crept upwards, flooding the balcony the Brionne had stood up on just moments ago. In a moment, the water had risen to Sasha’s level on top of the light. With a harsh tug, the whirlpool sucked her in and under the water.

She didn't even have the chance to take in the experience before she blacked out.

***

Dear Eola,

Ahoy! It’s me, Anjoe! I wanted to ask if my nephews would like to come visit me over break. In your last letter, you said ‘Lyn seemed moody. Well, there’s nothing like a good ol’ island adventure to brighten your spirits! I’ll even make a little treasure hunt for him and Harper to go on! 

So what do you say? You get a little vacation from the stress of raising children, and I get to be the fun Uncle everyone loves! It’s a win-win situation!

Your brother,

Anjoe Getair

***

When Sasha came to, her immediate reaction was to shout a firm “Ha! I lived! Take that, you stupid whirlpool!”

Her second reaction was to shout a firm “Where the fuck am I!?”

The Brionne had awoken on the sands of a beach. The sun shone high in the clear blue sky above her. Water lapped at her tail with the scent of salt. About twenty pages in front of her, the sand gave way to grass and trees.

Next to Sasha lay a familiar Mimikyu and Nickit, both seeming to be unconscious.

Sasha sighed. Great. Just… great. She'd washed up on some mysterious isle. At least this definitely counts as a new experience!

The Water-type blew a stream of bubbles out into the ocean, then rushed up to her teammates to check for any injuries.

…All clear, except for some minor scrapes. Sasha released a breath she hadn't realized she’d been holding. Good. She wouldn't need to figure out how to perform first-aid. Don’t get her wrong, it was also great that her teammates weren't heavily injured! But she was pretty concerned over the first-aid thing too.

The Brionne tried shaking them awake, but to no avail. After a few minutes of waiting and then still not getting up, Sasha figured she should at least find some doctor, even if there weren’t any visible signs of damage.

Thus, she snapped a branch off a nearby tree and drew an arrow in the sand, pointing towards the forest. There. Now, if her teammates woke up, they’d know where she went.

With that, Sasha slid off into the woods. As she traveled through the underbrush, the Brionne snapped branches off nearby trees and dropped them off the ground, acting as a trail to lead her back to Mai and Arceus. 

The repetitive landscape of trees went on and on for what felt like an eternity. Was there even a civilization around here? Where was here, anyways? Sasha pondered these questions as she trekked through the forest.

At last, the trees became more and more sparse. Below her, down a steep incline, Sasha could see a small town. A familiar tower stood in the distance, at the edge of the sea. Cobblestone paths seemed to lead from place to place like a web. The small stone houses had an aura of warm comfort, as if some old lady was baking a pie inside. A stone statue of Kyogre stood proudly in the center of town atop an intricate stone fountain.

Sasha was starting to notice a theme here.

The Brionne quickly made a pile of twigs where she stood, to mark where she was. While she could probably burn it to signal the town…

…where would be the fun in that?

Sasha grinned, and rolled a log towards herself. Positioning it on the edge of the slope, the Brionne jumped onto it and used a flipper to push herself forward.

Sasha squealed in delight as the log slid down the slope. It quickly picked up speed, feeling as though it was moving fast as lightning! Each bump sent a wave of excitement through the Brionne’s chest! With a confident smirk on her face, Sasha pivoted the angle of the log towards a stone, jutting upwards and forming a gentle incline. “This is gonna be awesome!”

Sasha soared through the air like a bird, the log doing the same.

The Brionne cheered on the descent, her and the log landing with a loud thump. The town drew closer and closer as she continued down the hill. “Is this your first time?”

Sasha nearly fell off her log in shock, much to the amusement of the Samurott sliding down the slope next to her. An obsidian board was strapped onto his feet, matching the looks of his armor. “So what if it is!?”

The Samurott chuckled. “Was just gonna tell you you were doing well! When I first tried to show my nephews how to do this, they nearly died!” The two Water-types smirked at each other, each with a determined look in their eyes. “Since you seem to have your act together, try to keep up!”

The Samurott veered off to the side, zigzagging between a small patch of trees as a shortcut. Not one to be outdone, Sasha leaned forward on her log and rocketed forwards, spitting a short burst of bubbles in front of her opponent.

The Samurott effortlessly sliced through them like butter, retaliating with a swift jet of water, aimed precisely at Sasha.

The Brionne ducked underneath the Water Gun. She was gonna win this race, dammit! Sasha looked behind her and shot out a harsh, unfocused jet of water, boosting her forward.

The Samurott could only watch his opposition sail past him. “Damn. Frankly, I’m surprised I didn't think to do that.” With a shrug, the Water-type let loose a Hydro Pump behind him. In an instant, he had zoomed past Sasha.

In only a few seconds, the pair had reached the town. The Samurott had easily won the race. “Nice job, newbie! That ain't bad for having never done something like this before!”

Sasha glared at her opponent. “Rematch me.” She then promptly remembered why she was sliding down that hill in the first place, and softened her gaze. “Actually, scratch that, do you know where I can find a doctor? Some of my friends are unconscious on a beach, and I want to check if they're alright.”

The Samurott rubbed his beard thoughtfully. “Hmm… While we do have a doctor, it’s a bit hard for her to travel. Not to mention, she can't handle sand real well.” The Water-type stared up at the sky wistfully for a second before speaking. “How about you show me where they are, and I’ll carry them back here. Then, they can be treated more thoroughly to see if something’s wrong.”

Sasha nodded. “Sounds like a plan.” The Brionne promptly turned around, and started shuffling her way back up the large slope.

The Samurott simply laughed, grabbed Sasha by the scruff, and tossed her onto his back. “I’ll be quicker.” He then threw away his obsidian board, and began to run up the slope at full speed. “Let’s do this.”

***

“Wow, you're running pretty quick for going up such a steep hill. You got a secret?”

“Nah. Just a lot of practice. Y’know, back in my day, we had to run uphill both ways!”

“...”

“What’s with that look?”

***

Arceus yawned, and rubbed the sleepiness out of their eyes. Where were they? The last thing the Dark-type remembered was a sudden flood before blacking out.

Arceus rolled out of the hay bed they lay on and checked their surroundings. Mai was unconscious on a bed beside them, though seemed to be in good health.

Having said that, Arceus couldn't pretend to be thrilled about being alone in a room with the Mimikyu. It would be easy for the Fairy-type to put them in another chokehold without Sasha there to stop her. And if that happened… 

Arceus pushed the thought out of their mind.

The white, stone room they were in smelled of sterility and disinfectant, perhaps with a slight twinge of daisies. Across it, Arceus could see a wide variety of berries, seeds, and wands scattered across a countertop. Nearby, a wooden door showed itself to be the only exit. Or at least, the only intended one. The Nickit noted a decent-sized window with the blinds drawn was but a few places away.

Deciding to get more acclimated with the surrounding area in case of danger, Arceus rolled up the blinds and opened the window.

Only to come face to face with a certain Brionne smushed against the window.

Sasha only giggled as Arceus screamed in abject terror. The Water-type knocked on the glass and gestured for the Nickit to let her in. Arceus opened up the window and helped their teammate slip inside. “Thanks.”

Arceus rolled their eyes. “Why am I unsurprised thee wouldst come in through the window?”

“Yeah, yeah. Happy to see you too,” said Sasha, leaning up against a wall. “Anyways, I wanted to chat with you before the doctor came back.”

Arceus raised an eyebrow. “Might thou explain what is happening first?”

“Was hoping you’d know, to be honest.” Sasha shrugged. “I think it’s probably some weird Distortion nonsense.”

Upon asking why, Sasha explained to Arceus what happened in the secret chamber with the tower, along with what happened after the team washed up on the beach.

“Hmm. How curious,” spoke Arceus. “I knew Giratina could manipulate a tad bit of reality, but I haven't the foggiest idea it could have such a great impact. Assuming we are still inside the Distortion, of course.”

“I’m gonna assume we are, purely because I refuse to believe we got magically teleported to an island by some entirely unrelated space-time anomaly,” replied Sasha. “Like, c’mon. What else could be responsible for this?”

“Fair enough,” responded Arceus. Internally, however, the Dark-type was thinking something else. This wouldst not be the first time Palkia teleported an innocent ‘mon out of boredom. Having said that, Arceus was fairly certain Team Pyrite would be more heavily wounded if that was the case.

“Anyways, I’ve found a place for us to stay as we figure out what’s going on,” said Sasha. “We’re gonna be sleeping in this big tower thing.”

“Probably a lighthouse.”

“So that’s what it’s called!” responded the Brionne, smiling. She had been wondering what the word for it was! “Well, we’re staying at the lighthouse for the time being. This Samurott named Anjoe owns it, so we’ll be in good hands!”

“Did you say… Anjoe?” asked Arceus. Their expression turned grim. “No… that cannot be.”

“How come?”

“Well,” continued Arceus. “Thou art aware how I am in charge of handling affairs of Pokémon in the afterlife, yes?”

“Yeah, Mai told me.” Sasha tilted her head. “But what does that have to do with anything?”

“‘What does that have to do with anything!?’ Sasha, let me tell thee something curious,” Arceus snapped. “A Samurott named Anjoe—who manned a lighthouse, no less— died five years ago.”

Chapter Text

“Okay, and?”

Arceus sputtered indignantly at their teammate's response. “Sasha. Someone whom is dead is currently walking around this town as though it twas nothing. What doth thou not understand!?”

Sasha merely shrugged. “Listen, Mai came back from the dead before too! And I’m literally a sapient coin! We’ve seen stranger.” The Brionne blew a few bubbles into the air, each in fun little shapes. Granted, even triangular ones seemed like they broke the laws of physics. “Besides, how can we even be sure it was the same Anjoe?”

“Did he have a board strappethed to his paws?”

“Okay, yeah, that’s the same one.”

Arceus rolled their eyes. “I toldeth thee as such!”

Sasha retaliated with an eye roll of her own. “Yeah, yeah. Wanna chalk this up to some weird Distortion nonsense?”

Arceus nodded. “Very well. Is there anything else thou wish to speaketh about?”

Sasha looked around the room. After seeing no one but an unconscious Mai, she slid up to Arceus and whispered in their ear. “Okay, so… I have not told them why we washed up on the beach.”

“Oh.” Arceus’s eyes widened. “That is a problem.”

“I’ve managed to stall them by saying I'd prefer to chat with you and Mai first.” Sasha rubbed the back of her head awkwardly. “But that excuse flies out the window once I leave this room.”

The two were then quiet for a moment. No one dared to move an inch, as if it would somehow cause a chain reaction that led to complete annihilation. Sasha’s heart pounded in her head. Arceus breathed in deeply.

“Dude, why are you making this so dramatic?” Finally spoke Sasha. “We just need to come up with some convincing lie to tell everyone.”

Arceus facepalmed. “Yes, I supposeth so… Forgive me, I thought thee wouldst suggest something utterly moronic such as ‘building a raft and fleeing out into the ocean.’” The Dark-type sighed.

“Hey!” retorted Sasha. “I was gonna say we should fake having amnesia. It would make things a lot simpler!”

“No.”

Sasha tilted her head. “Why not?”

Arceus calmly placed a paw on their teammate’s shoulder. In a low voice, they spoke. “Last time someone mysteriously washed uppeth on the beach, the world almost ended. Doth thee want to fight the God of Time?”

Sasha thought for a moment.

“That was a rhetorical question!”

***

“I guess I ought to check on my new patients soon…“

…

“…Why do I feel like I’m gonna regret this?”

***

Nurse Medi considered herself good at her job. Really, she did! It has been years since she last fainted when drawing someone’s blood! The Audino slipped on her nursing hat and apron, before entering the room with the three castaways.

The Brionne and Nickit instantly quieted down as Medi stepped through the doorway. Good, that’s one less unconscious patient! 

Oh, right! She still had to introduce herself! “Hello there! I’m Nurse Medi! Are you three alright?” The Audino didn't know why she said three. Only two were actually awake! Arceus, she was such an idiot.

“We’re all good! My name’s Sasha, and they're Noah!” The Brionne posed, curtseying her fin-skirts.

Noah bowed their head respectfully to Medi. “I thanketh thee for thine assistance. I hope to repay thee someday for it.”

Huh, the Nickit must have come from somewhere far away; no one speaks in such an old-fashioned way on the Flower Continent! Oh, maybe they came from the Sand Continent? Wait, no, that wouldn’t match up with the accent…

Wait, focus, Medi! You’re getting distracted!

…

…Oh, fuck it. Couldn't hurt to ask. “Excuse me, Miss Sasha and… um, Mr. Noah?” Noah nodded, affirming that that was the correct honorific. Thank goodness, Medi didn't want to be rude! “Where are you two from? The ocean couldn’t have just spat you out on our shores, haha!”

…Oh dear Arceus, could it!? Kyogre’s whims are pretty unpredictable, after all. If he could make storms and geysers, who’s to say he couldn’t make Pokémon too!?

The two Pokémon in front of Medi answered simultaneously. 

“We art but travelers from a far away land. It feels as though it has been eons since we’ve met with another Pokémon. I thank thee for the hospitality in these times of need.”

“We live, like, an island over.”

Medi tilted her head. Maybe one of them was concussed? She’d have to remember to fill out a prescription later.

Both her patients continued speaking over each other.

“It is exactly as she says. We art but humble villagers from an isle close to thine own.”

“Yep, we’re wanderers from a faraway country!”

Dear Arceus, was she the one with concussion? Medi supposed she did hit her head against that branch when hunting for herbs… 

Oh! The Mimikyu was stirring!

Medi ran to the Fairy-type's side. She hadn't been able to properly examine the ‘mon due to the paralyzing fear that overcame her whenever she tried to check beneath the Mimikyu’s costume. “Hey there, Miss. I know you must be awfully confused. For now, can you tell me if you remember who you are and where you’re from?”

The Ghost-type got to her feet with a groan before answering. Strangely, Medi could swear she saw the spirit staring at something behind her. Yet when the Audino turned around, it was still just Sasha and Noah, whistling innocently. “I-I’m Mai Juine. I come from the star cluster…”

The Mimikyu trailed off as she gazed behind Medi again. Was she seeing things? No one but Noah and Sasha were there. 

“The Star Clusters! T-the mascot of my hometown! That hometown being called…” Mai seemed to stop in her tracks. Oh dear. Perhaps a brain injury…? “O-okay, listen, Arceus. I have no idea what the point you're trying to get across with that gesture is. My best guess is that you’re asking me to kill the nurse…?”

...What in Arceus’s green Lepos!?

Noah—who’s apparently actually named after a god!?—let out a deep sigh. “No.” Quietly, the Nickit walked up to Mai and whispered in her ear.

“O-oh, so this reality is a fictional one conjured by Giratina?”

Nope. Medi didn't get paid enough to deal with some devil-worshipping looney! The Normal-type quietly let out a small Yawn, hopefully sending the three into a slumber before dashing out of the room.

By the time they woke up, she’d be long gone.

***

“Oh, Medi! You got a minute?”

“ No! ”

***

Mai sighed as her teammates collapsed into the sweet embrace of sleep. Yawn. A classic move used to incapacitate someone. A shame the Mimikyu came prepared. Without a moment of hesitation, Mai pulled a pre-made coffee out of her bag, cracked a hot Blast Seed into it to warm it up, and drank it. Immediately, a nostalgic warmth filled her chest. A-ah, good to the last drop as always. Minccino Macchiatos never disappoint. 

…

I-I’m not sponsored by them or anything! It’s just good coffee!  

After finishing around half of her invigorating cup of Chesto-Blast Seed blend, Mai poured the rest of the hot liquid onto Arceus and Sasha to wake them up.

Sasha immediately shot up from her nap  and glared at Mai. “What the fuck was that for!?”

Mai smiled. “H-had to wake you somehow.”

Arceus hesitated a moment, before stepping forward. “Yes. But pouring boiling substances upon another Pokémon is rather rude.” The Nickit shook the coffee off their fur before continuing. “Especially when thou clearly had enough to share.”

“H-hey! It’s more efficient to just splash it on you than pour it into your mouth!”

Sasha just sighed. “Mai.”

“T-that’s my name,” replied the Ghost-type cheerfully.

“Could you maybe… not physically harm your teammates?” Sasha hesitantly asked.

Mai slowly scratched the floor with a claw. “O-oh. Sorry…” The Mimikyu hung her head. Well, her costume’s head at any rate. “I guess you guys just have to get stronger!”

Sasha narrowed her eyes. “I beg your pardon!?” The Water-type was severely tempted to punch the fucking wall in rage. Instead, however, the Brionne took a deep breath in. Mai’s not trying to be antagonistic. She’s just stupid and a bit dense. Sasha sprayed out a stream of bubbles. In… and out… in…

“Y-your Bubbles could use some work.” said Mai. “You want them be in a smooth line, that way as much if them hits your enemy as possible. Here, let me—”

Sasha spat bubbles into Mai’s face. The Mimikyu barely even flinched, but Sasha really did not care. “Arceus, I’m leaving. I’ll meet you by the… uh…”

“Lighthouse?”

“Yeah, that.” Without another word, the Brionne slid out the door and slammed it behind her.

“...Hypocrite,” muttered Mai.

“Whilst that is somewhat true…” responded Arceus after a moment. “...she is correct. Thou are rather aggressive at times.”

While the God couldn't see it, they had a feeling the Mimikyu was rolling her eyes under her disguise. “Fine. I-I’ll give you two a training arc later.” With that, Mai walked out the door in a similar vein to Sasha.

Arceus couldn't do anything in response but facepalm and run after their teammates.

***

“...Whereth did that Mimikyu run off to!?”

***

Sasha was fuming. Quite literally, at this point. Every time she tried to spit bubbles out, steam poured forth instead. However, Sasha didn't particularly mind. Whenever it condensed on her skin, the steam felt nice in a way. Like a warm hug that coincidentally could burn anyone who’s not a Fire-type or Water-type.

Thus, Sasha decided to walk away from the town and onto a beach. Didn't want to disturb the residents, after all! The Brionne quickly found a small grotto for some privacy, and prepared to let the anger out.

“FUCK YOU, MAI! I HAVE BEEN ALIVE FOR LESS THAN A WEEK! CUT ME SOME SLACK!”

Sasha blew out more steam, mist flooding the cave. The vapor was impossible to see through, like a cloud on a cold gray day. That was… invigorating!

***

“Master Giratina? That coin girl is having a rage session in the Distortion,” said Lia. “Is that going to cause any issues for us?”

Giratina shook their head and laughed. “Oh, really? Magnificent!” The Dragon-type wrung their wings as though they were hands, continuing to chuckle. “Lia, I have an idea!”

The Eevee sighed. “What is it…?”

***

Sasha punched a wall with a flipper. And then another wall. And then another wall! Fuck, this was satisfying! She should do this more often! And then, like a character in a poorly written fanfiction, she punched the fourth wall! As she went to punch a fifth wall, Sasha felt something that was distinctly not a wall.

Squinting to see through the steam, Sasha spotted a standard office chair.

…You know what? Fuck it. The Brionne dragged the chair outside the grotto and onto the beach. She spun it around and around and around before letting go, sending the seat soaring towards the open sky over the ocean. 

The cheap plastic sparkled in the sunlight, like a sheet of metal on a clear blue day. If the chair was turned into a Pokémon like Sasha, it would absolutely be a Pidgeotto, drifting in the wind peacefully.

Then the chair exploded.

***

Lia stepped back through the portal to the Hall of Origin, relieved to no longer be dragging around such a useless hunk of plastic. “Why did you even have an explosive office chair?”

Giratina's wings were all pressed on a singular big red button, a cartoonish explosion scribbled on it. “I thought it would make a good prop!” The Dragon-type slipped on a monocle and top hat and put on a fake accent. “Old chap, won't you take a seat? Oh, not that one, no no no! It's a bit… warm over there this time of year.”

“...And then it explodes?”

Giratina winked. “Now you're getting it!”

***

“Why did this island even have an explosive office chair on it!?” asked Sasha to nobody in particular. I mean, she couldn't argue that it didn't help with her anger! It certainly made her feel better! But just… Why was there an exploding chair!?

“Probably as a prop,” responded a voice from behind her. Turning around, Sasha saw two small Oshawott siblings. The one who had just spoken turned to the other, who was wearing a homemade pink cape. “Harper, want to take a seat? Oh! Not that one. It’s a bit… warm over there this time of year!”

Harper laughed, yet the sound didn't reach Sasha’s ears. Harper. Laughed. Harper laughed. “You two wouldn't happen to have a relative named Anjoe, would you?”

“Yesh, we do!” replied Harper. “We’re staying at his… uh…”

“Lighthouse?” filled in Sasha.

Harper’s eyes lit up. “That’s the word! We’re staying at his lighthouse over break!”

The other Oshawott piped up. “Oh! Harper! We haven't introduced ourselves!”

Harper gasped. “You’re right!”

The duo posed back-to-back, saluting with a wink. Now that the pair were so close together, Sasha could tell Harper was the taller of the two. It might have only been by an inch or so, but it was still a difference in height nonetheless! “I’m Harper!” The Oshawott did a little twirl, tail raised high!

The other Oshawott copied his companion’s motions. “And I’m Lyn!”

Right after saying this, rather impressively, both the brothers attempted a cartwheel. Unfortunately, Harper's paws slid out from underneath him at just the last second. The Oshawott let out a small gasp as he fell…

…right into Lyn’s arms.

“And together, we’re the Getair brothers!” cheered Lyn, gently helping an embarrassed Harper regain his balance.

Sasha couldn't help but stare. “Okay, I’m willing to be honest here. That was an impressive introduction.”

Lyn bowed, smirking. 

“How old are you two?” asked Sasha.

“I’m twelve!” replied Lyn proudly. “I’m starting middle school next year!”

Harper smiled at Sasha. “And I'm turning ten in less than a month!” The Oshawott was practically jumping with joy from how excited he seemed. “I don't think I've seen you before! It's a small island. Where are you from?”

“Uh…” responded Sasha, considering her options. Not wanting to have a repeat of the Medi situation, she elected to tell the truth—or at least part of it. “I live in Hyacinth. Not sure if you’ve heard of it, it's this big city over on the mainland.” 

Lyn’s eyes glimmered with interest. “A city? You must have all kinds of cool stories! Tell us, tell us!”

“Maybe later. I’ve got someone I need to talk to right now. See you kids later?”

The Getair siblings each nodded, smiles plainly plastered across their faces. “Okay!” Lyn did a quick salute, before running off with Harper in tow.

Sasha sighed in relief while she watched the children sprint back to town. Good, she won't have to try to explain what being a coin is like. The horrors of being kept in a stranger’s bag, unable to move or think was not a suitable story to tell children.

Now, where was Mai? She was the unofficial team leader, it was her job to deal with the mystery of why Harper was an Oshawott—and why he was presumably acting younger as well. The quicker Sasha found Mai, the quicker they could figure out what was going on here! And the quicker she could get to trying new things!

Also, much as Sasha hated to admit it… Mai would have a better idea of what's going on than her.

***

“Okay, is there any other exploding pieces of furniture I need to know about!?”

“No, actually.”

“Oh shit, really?”

BOOM!

“...”

“Okay, fine, I lied! Sue me! I want to get my money’s worth out of this stuff. Do you know how expensive an exploding couch is!?”

***

“D-do you have any books I can read on Ghost-type and Fairy-type moves?” Mai asked, admiring the charming library she found herself in. “Oh! And some on the h-history of marketing?”

The young Dartrix librarian sighed. “L-listen. I’m going to be perfectly frank with you—I have no idea what we stock in here. I’d be happy to look around for what you’ve requested, though!”

Mai waved him off. “I-it’s fine. I’ll poke around on my own.”

The Dartrix saluted, then returned to a book he was reading.

Mai glanced around the quaint building. The library was small, but packed with books. Grand, wooden bookshelves stretched up to the ceiling, forming what was practically a maze of stories. The shadows of the impassable walls of books blanketed the “hallways” of the labyrinth, so-to-speak. If Mai didn’t know better, she’d think a Minotauros was trapped within the maze!

“W-what about any books about Mystery Dungeons? Nonfiction, of course!” Mai inquired. The Mimikyu figured Distortions and Dungeons had to be at least a bit similar to each other, so it couldn't hurt to refresh her knowledge as she figured out a way off this island.

The Dartrix smiled. “Oh! Y-yeah, we have one of those!” “It’s…” The Grass-type made a vague gesture with a wing in the direction of the maze of bookshelves. “...somewhere in there.”

“T-thanks!” Internally, Mai cursed. Thank you so much for your help. Very specific. Annoyed, the Ghost-type walked into the maze of books, deciding to just look for it herself until she found it.

Literature Labyrinth — BF1

Immediately, Mai froze. A chill ran up her spine, confirming that, yes, Mimikyus were vertebrates. That’s one mystery solved.

Unfortunately, it seemed more mysteries were soon to come.

Mai turned back the way she came, only to find a bookcase blocking her way that she was certain wasn't there before. One look at her Nav only confirmed the Mimikyu’s suspicions. She had entered a Dungeon.

“Hmm…” Mai ran her claws across the many shelves of books. 101 Easy Water-type Techniques was haphazardly shoved into place besides The Junior Rescuer’s Guidebook . “N-note to self: presuming this island is part of the Distortion, it seems like nothing stops Dungeons from forming within them.” The Fairy-type would experiment more if she could, but she sadly wasn't a part of the Dungeon Research Guild and thus lacked the authorization. 

Mai audibly groaned. Nothing like a surprise Dungeon to put a damper on your day. She was lucky she kept her bag on her. Otherwise, she would be stranded in the middle of a Dungeon with no supplies!

With nothing else to do, the Mimikyu silently slinked off into the shadowy corridors of the bookshelf maze. Listening sharply, Mai could swear she heard faint pawsteps on the other sides of some shelves. Once or twice, a beastly snarl would sound out, quickly followed by a loud thud . 

After a minute or so of scuttling silently across the velvety floor, Mai could at last see something besides the repetitive bookcases acting as walls. It wasn't much, but a small room seemed to be just ahead! Secretly, Mai hoped it had bean bag chairs. They were always so comfy! And beany! And baggy!

The Mimikyu ran forward as fast as her legs could carry her! Her costume’s head fell to the side, which Mai paused to fix. And then she kept running! And then the costume's head fell off again! And again, Mai fixed it! And she kept running! Step by step, closer to the room where there would maybe, possibly, hopefully be bean bag chairs! At last, the Ghost-type stepped inside!

“Back, foul beast!”

THWACK!!

Mai fixed her head a third time, before looking up at whoever was assaulting her with a bean bag chair. Her eyes widened. “Arceus, why are you here?”

Her Nickit teammate stumbled back a few feet, and then quickly bowed in apology. “Oh, Mai! Doth thou hath any idea what’s going on!? Where are we?”

Mai snatched the beanbag chair out of Arceus’s paws and sat in it. As she untensed her muscles, the Mimikyu replied “A-a Mystery Dungeon.”

Arceus paused, making sure to fully take in their surroundings. “Oh! So this is what a Dungeon is like?” The Dark-type dug a paw into the carpet and took a deep breath of air, wanting to get a taste of The Authentic Dungeon Experience™. “It is… calmer than I had expected.”

Immediately after saying this, a Spinarak promptly entered the room. It took a few steps, then froze, startled, with its eyes glued to Arceus’s.

After what felt like an eternity it suddenly jumped at the god’s face.

Arceus let out a shrill, high-pitched screech as the Bug-type spider latched itself onto them. The Nickit shook his head this way and that, desperately trying to fling the Spinarak off. Alas, nothing they did worked. They only succeeded in entertaining the Bug-type, who seemed quite pleased with the ride. So pleased, in fact, that it bit into Arceus to show its thanks! Naturally, the Nickit screamed yet again.

“D-don’t worry, Arceus! Watch this!”

“Wait—”

Mai lunged at the Spinarak, extending a claw and slicing through the pest—and okay, fine, maybe a layer or two of skin on Arceus’s face. Mai calmly picked up the bisected body of the Spinarak and tossed it off to the side. Licking the blood off her claws, Mai spoke two words to Arceus. “Oran Berry?”

Arceus nodded. “If you will.”

Mai passed her teammate a berry and watched the slash across Arceus’s face heal itself. There, good as new! 

Arceus felt like they were gonna vomit. “I still feel quite queasy…”

Mai immediately responded. “A-ah, you must be poisoned! I didn't know this was a Dungeon! I'm so sorry! If I had known, I would've packed a Pecha! U-ugh, I'm so useless and—”

“Thou art not useless.”

Mai looked up at Arceus, eyes filled with stars.“...Really…?”

Arceus smiled. “Of course.”

Mai grinned. Good, they completely forgot about her scratching their face. It’s just like her mother always said. Baby-Doll Eyes truly did have more uses outside of combat than in. “T-thank you! I guess we should probably get going, before the poison knocks you out.”

Arceus nodded. “Indeed. We must be swift, for it seems now that we are on borrowed time.”

“And still stuck in this dungeon, miles away from home…” Mai groaned.

***

“Oh, and dear Mai? I know I hath said this before, but I am truly sorry for hitting thee with that bean bag chair.”

“I-it’s fine, Arceus. We all have our little lapses. I-I mean, you could have hit me with an office chair instead! And then that chair could have exploded!”

“Why would an office chair e xplode!? That's a simply preposterous idea! Chairs do not just explode!”

“H-hey, you never know…”

***

Arceus winced in pain. Being the Divine One, the Creator of All, the Holy Power Whomst All Shall Worship, and the Omnipotent Sky Daddy, they had never been poisoned before. Alas, the poor god had little choice but to push forward despite their newfound plight. 

“S-so, uh… what happens after death? I mean, after the waiting room part,” asked Mai, skittering forward on the carpet. “F-figured I might as well ask.”

Arceus scoffed. Mortals, always so curious about stuff like the afterlife. Number one question Pokémon asked them. “I prefer to keep it as a surprise.” Arceus had given up trying to explain how existing in a five dimensional plain worked after the 1,364,092nd person posed that query.

“B-but I don’t like surprises!”

Arceus glared at their teammate. “As I believeth the kids say these days, ‘sucketh it up,’ Mai.”

Mai returned the Nickit’s sharp gaze with one of her own. “I’d claw you for that if you weren’t already poisoned.”

A chill ran up Arceus’s spine. The god let out a nervous chuckle. “I am currently in the form of a Dark-type. And Dark desomates Ghost!”

Mai paused. She slowly and dramatically turned her costume's head so it was staring directly into Arceus’s eyes. It would have been a horrific sight, were it not for the fact the head was so obviously cloth. “And Fairy eradicates Dark.”

Arceus screamed in terror internally. Externally, the Nickit groaned. “Fairy-type… it always slippeths my mind.” 

Mai would have raised an eyebrow if she could. Unfortunately, Mimikyus seemed to lack that particular method of facial expression. Thus, she pulled a pencil out of who-knows-where and drew eyebrows onto her disguise. “O-oh? How come?”

“Because I had the truly magnificent idea to add new types after I had created life!” Arceus snatched the pencil from Mai’s claws, tore a book off a shelf ( Simple Swimming Techniques, the cover read) and started scribbling in it. Once their drawing was finished, they handed it over to Mai for her to observe.

***

It was the second century, when Arceus was but a wee lad. From their many peeks into their little pet project, everything seemed normal. Pokémon went about their days as usual. A bit wild and merely communicating in short grunts as always, but Arceus understood it took time for civilization to form. As a matter of fact, things were progressing quicker than they thought! And yet, a growing unease gnawed at the god’s gut. And no, not because of their sibling’s terrible cooking! 

Arceus floated inside their room, pondering what could be causing such a growing discomfort in the back of their mind. Besides the usual stuff like Giratina being annoying. Could there be political trouble brewing in the mortal realm? No, politics hadn’t come into being yet, thankfully. Maybe some leftover Vitale was causing more anomalies to open up…? No, that didn't concern Arceus before. Why would it now? 

Arceus sighed, discontent. With nothing else to do but wait until they had an epiphany, the god teleported themself to the mortal plane.

They descended from the night sky upon the smooth, grassy fields this particular landmass Arceus made was known for. They really should name this continent sooner rather than later. Could that be what was bothering them?

No. Arceus shook their head. If what was bothering them was truly something so minor, they would have already come up with a solution. Though, really, they should get to naming the continents sometime. There was no rush though… It would take ages for the Pokémon living on them to learn to speak anyways. No use naming things if the population of the mortal realm didn’t even know those things existed. Arceus should take it slowly, careful not to rush the naming of something as important as whole landmasses.

Arceus immediately started thinking of names to get that nagging feeling to stop piercing their skull.

Arceus looked down at the greenery beneath their feet. Hmm. This would be the Grass Continent.

The god warped to the other side of the world in a bright flash. Without hesitation, they looked around to find a good descriptor. Unfortunately, they saw nothing, as only an opaque fog seemed present at the moment.

Mist Continent it is.

Arceus teleported back to their room in the Hall of Origin, summoned a globe, and tapped a random place on it without looking.

Upon arriving where they selected, Arceus looked this way and that. High in the sky, they could see only the clouds and the moon orbiting above them. Bored, the god added another moon to the night sky. Glancing around, Arceus noticed nothing particularly more important than clouds.

The god sighed. This was the Air Continent. Duh.

Arceus opened a rift to the next continent, only to immediately be assaulted by a vicious flood of water. Immediately, the god closed their portal.

Arceus didn't even need to go there to realize that was the Water Continent.

The next warp led Arceus to a desert wasteland. Desert Continent. This seemed to also be an easy one. 

Arceus teleported back to the globe in the Hall of Origin and once again selected a random place on it. In an instant, the god was sent there.

…Okay, pardon me, but wherever in mine own name ist this!?

Arceus had landed upon a continent they had never seen before. It was some… weird, icy landmass. Normally, Arceus would just call it the Ice Continent and be done with it. However, they had never been one to name things they didn't own…

With a flick of their head, Arceus created a giant tower on the island. There! Now it was theirs! And this landmass would be known as the Mystery Continent! And the tower would be Destiny Tower, a nice vacation home! Arceus puffed out their chest. A magnificent creation as always.

And thus, Arceus teleported to the final continent on their travels. The god took a quick poke around and noticed one key aspect of the landmass: it was nearly indistinguishable from the Grass Continent! 

Arceus shook their head. That would never do. Each creation must be equally unique and memorable. Calling upon their divine power, Arceus swathed the land in a blanket of flowers. Yes, that was certainly more memorable than just another field of grass. Satisfied, Arceus warped back to their home in the Hall of Origin.

And yet, the lingering feeling of unease had not subsided even after all this time.

It took Arceus a few years to at last deduce what had been ailing them for so long. Really, it was obvious. Arceus honestly was shocked they hadn’t figured it out sooner.

Magnemite were too weak!

This would not stand for long. Upon their realization, Arceus immediately sat down and got to work. Should they just give Magnemite access to Judgment? That couldn’t go wrong, right?

No. That idea was too unfun for Arceus. And having a bunch of normal Pokémon shooting divine energy anywhere was sure to get annoying quick.

Arceus poured their soul into this personal project for a decade or so. Working diligently, Arceus jotted down note after note on how to make Magnemite more powerful. After all that time had passed, the god stood back and allowed one final idea to come to their mind.

Introducing a new Type. One that had a comically large list of resistances. And, of course, everyone knew a Magnemite's biggest weakness was being poisoned. Obviously. So of course, they’d make this new Type immune to Poison attacks as well!

Yes, that was a truly sublime idea. Arceus, you sexy bastard, you’ve done it again.

It took approximately 53.9173627630001⁶⁷ seconds for Arceus to put their new idea into effect. And no one has noticed a thing! Pokémon had not yet gained the level of intelligence to comprehend tool use, let alone the Type Chart! Everything had gone swimmingly!

So, of course, Giratina had to go and fuck everything up!

The annoying Ghost-type has been whining to Arceus for the past month. “Why can’t I create a new Type?” Blah blah blah blah. Arceus, frankly, couldn't care less. Giratina had their own little domain to rule over!

After another few years of prodding, Arceus finally agreed to Giratina’s demands. They could make a Type, so long as they were under strict supervision.

Giratina was going through an edgy phase at the time.

Thus, Dark-type was formed.

***

“I thought this was supposed to be about how Fairy-type was formed.”

“Calm thyself, I was getting there!”

***

Arceus idly watched the mortal Pokémon go about their business from a portal atop Destiny Tower. Normally, the god would be off making small talk with Giratina. Alas, after their quarrel… Arceus was not in the mood to speak to their siblings. Thus, they stared down at all those teeny-tiny mortals going about their days. Arceus was so proud of their creations for being able to form rudimentary settlements! 

And admittedly, a bit less proud at the fact they were slowly developing more efficient means to kill things. 

Before Arceus could ponder this train of thought further, a ringing sound echoed up from the first floor of Destiny Tower. Arceus immediately jolted up and teleported to their domain’s entryway, before opening the door.

Next to the doorbell stood a Ponyta. Which, frankly, should have been impossible! Arceus had specifically made the Mystery Continent as uninhabitable as possible to prevent this! Was Giratina trying to mess with them!?

“...”

“...”

“...Wouldst thou like some tea…?”

“Yes please.”

Arceus immediately retracted their theory about this being their sibling fucking with them. Giratina would never send someone over with manners. In a flash, the god teleported themself and their companion to the top of Destiny Tower. The portal was still open, yet the Ponyta luckily had the common sense to simply watch it. Arceus quickly summoned up a table, two cups of tea, and a futon.

“Brave Ponyta, however did you reach this place?”

“Built a boat.”

Damn, this guy built a boat? All by himself? Arceus had not expected one to be crafted for at least three more centuries. 

“I see… fascinating. I would not have expected a Fire-type such as thyself to take up naval pursuits.”

Arceus and the Ponyta made conversation with each other for quite a while by mortal standards. Arceus had to admit, they were impressed with the Fire-type’s intelligence. Being able to string together sentences with some degree of coherency was quite impressive in such an early age of Pokemonkind. 

“Perseverant one, why did you come to my tower?”

“To make a wish.”

Arceus raised a non-existent eyebrow. “And whatever would that wish be?”

The Ponyta paced to the edge of the tower, dramatically staring into the sun. “This world hurts. Pokémon take from others. Death hits villages weekly. Family and friends turn against one another. I wish there was no suffering ever again.”

“I cannot do that.”

The Ponyta raised an eyebrow—which, unlike Arceus’s, actually existed. “Why?”

“Hurt is a part of life, my child. True, Pokémon suffer, but they grow. They learn from it. They become better.”

“Oh.” The Ponyta’s flames dimmed. “Then… how about making there be less suffering instead?”

“I supposeth I can do that.”

“Thank you. And, if suffering truly is required in this universe… I then wish to be able to help those who are suffering the most. Forever.”

Arceus nodded. “Very well. I will do that as well.”

The Ponyta smiled. “Thank you. Also, I don't want any credit for this. Or to unintentionally hurt anyone with my wishes. Would it be too much to ask that you… make them not realize anything had changed?”

“Fine. Any more requests?”

***

“And then he asked me to create Fairy-types,” said Arceus, looking Mai in the eyes with fierce intensity. The duo had continued walking through Literature Labyrinth as they talked, passing between the many corridors of identical bookcases. Arceus, frankly, thought this repetitive decor was rather bland. However, for once, they held their tongue.

The Mimikyu felt like she was almost short-circuiting from the insane information dump she just received. “I-I don’t think Fairy-types being created was the most important thing you just told me there. Isn't rewriting the world kind of a bigger deal?”

Arceus waved Mai off. “Believeth it or not, but no. I createth, but I cannot destroy. Thus, I just made the world, for the lack of a better term, ‘skip forward’ a few centuries. Nothing happened that wouldn’t have occurred naturally.” The god seemed to think to themself for a moment, before begrudgingly continuing. “Okay, fine, mayhaps I increased the standard of living and changed the world’s ‘genre’ from a grimdark tragedy to a slice-of-life comedy. But nothing else, I swear!”

Mai facepalmed. That was pretty vital information to just add to the end of a sentence, but fine. Not one to let crucial details slip by, Mai continued asking questions. “S-so this Ponyta asked you to make the world happier and basically cure depression? A-and, just to be clear, you didn't do that, right?”

Arceus whistled innocently.

Mai threw a book at the religious figure, immediately causing them to stop whistling. 

“Ow! No, I kept depression! And, to that Ponyta’s chagrin, sadness and mental illness! No, I did away with things such as unsolved child murder cases.” She need not know how poor of a job I did at preventing that…

Mai froze. “Oh.”

“Sadness is a part of life,” spoke Arceus. “I refuse to discard it in favor of mindless joy.”

Mai sighed. “F-fair enough…”

As the two entered another chamber of bean-bag chairs, Mai spotted the unmistakable steps of the stairs descending into the darkness. 

“Mai, do you see them? Do you see the stairs!? See, look! They’re right there!”

A young Pikachu sighed. “Y-yes. I see them.”

“You know, some people say they’re the remnants of some primordial entity! Isn’t that so cool!?”

“Yes, Mom. Can we go down them now?”

Mai’s mother stopped in her tracks. “O-oh… If that’s what you want, sweetie, then I guess we can…”

“Thank you.”

Mai motioned for Arceus to go down the steps first, to which the Nickit obliged. The god limped down into the inky blackness below, their pawtips beginning to numb thanks to the poison. Mai followed behind them.

As soon as their legs stepped off the final set of stairs, the steps vanished. The two were completely submerged in a pitch-black void.

Literature Labyrinth — BF2

Click!

The abyss lit up instantly, as though a switch was flipped. The darkness gave way to another room of nearly identical bookshelves. With a sigh, Arceus struggled onwards, Mai keeping watch from behind them.

Luckily, the duo hadn’t encountered any more ferals on their trek. The floor had actually been mostly uneventful, besides Arceus walking on a few Blast Traps. But Mai made sure they'd keep pushing on despite those minor setbacks!

“K-keep walking or I’ll rip your spine out.”

Such lovely words of encouragement.

After a few minutes of walking, Arceus came across something that wasn’t just more endless copies of the exact same bookshelf!

It was a periwinkle version of that exact same bookshelf!

Arceus sprinted for it like a river in a desert, nearly running into it head first. It refreshed their heart and mind to just catch a glimpse of it!

As Arceus hugged the bookcase, Mai started pursuing through the various titles it had to offer. After all, you never just find a unique Dungeon and write it off as nothing important!

…

…

…Okay maybe this time it was something unimporta—wait! That book! Mai moved closer to her quarry and read the title. Secret Passageways 101. Needless to say, the Mimikyu took it out… 

…

…

And nothing fucking happened!

Mai clawed at the book. Leather. Easy to shred. Soothing to tear. 8/10.

Sighing, the Ghost-type went to put the book back in its place. However, something caught her attention. Through the crack where the book was, she could see another hallway on the other side.

Within a second, Mai had tackled through the books and was on the other side of the wall. Arceus hesitantly stepped through the openings she left. “C-could I have been doing this the whole time!?” No no no, surely it was just because the shelf was different, right? Right!?

To test it, the Mimikyu jumped through a second bookcase, going through just as easily. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!” That’s it, Mai was going to rip up the next beanbag she saw! Exasperated, she gestured for Arceus to follow her through the wall.

At the very least, this should make finding the stairs quicker than before.

***

“O-oh, hey, another Spinarak!”

“KILL IT.”

“ With pleasure. ”

***

Literature Labyrinth — BF5

Unlike the floors before, this one’s bookcases seemed to actually have backs—probably the Dungeon’s way of saying “fuck you” to the team.

Perhaps the Dungeon was a sassy little bitch, and that was why this floor was only one room, but with no stairs in sight. There weren't even bean bag chairs! Just stacks upon stacks of books!

Exasperated, Mai picked one of the books up and read the reviews on the back. 

“A gripping tale filled to the brim with both comfort and grief, Riptide is truly a must-read for all fans of the genre.”

— an anonymous Eevee

“A story as thrilling as a circus performance, Riptide is one of my most filling reads in recent years. I couldn't stop turning the pages!”

— Giratina, Lord of Antimatter 

“This fucking sucked.”

— a representative from the Journalism Guild

Mai flipped open the book and read the summary written on the sleeve.

The Getair brothers were as close as siblings could be. As a matter of fact, no one had seen the two apart in years! However, when an ordinary scavenger hunt turns deadly, it’s up to Harper Getair to find his missing sibling—no matter the cost!

Intrigued, Mai did what all good readers did: skipped to the ending. Or, at least, tried to. Mysteriously, almost the entire final quarter of pages were blank sheets, not a trace of ink to be found. 

Upon closing the book, the stairs poofed into existence in the center of the room. Arceus glanced towards Mai. “I assume thee found something that caused these to appear?”

Mai briefly relayed what she found to Arceus. The Nickit frowned. “That’s peculiar. I know little about Dungeons myself, but they certainly should not be personalized.”

Mai nodded in agreement, before doing a double-take. “P-pardon, what do you mean you know little about Dungeons!? You created them!!”

Arceus grimaced. “I did not maketh Dungeons. At least not purposefully. I do not know what they are nor how they work.”

“Well that’s terrifying.”

“Yes,” confirmed Arceus. The Dark-type stepped towards the stairs. “Now, shall we?”

Mai nodded. “A-after you!”

With that, Team Pyrite-Minus-Sasha descended down the final set of stairs.

Literary Labyrinth Cleared!

***

Meanwhile…

***

Giratina tore through the Hall of Origin’s fridge like a feral beast. Arceus certainly stocked a lot of food for someone who didn't need to eat, but Giratina wouldn’t complain. They needed all the energy they could get.

“Master, are you certain the fridge isn’t explosive too?”

“It’s a risk I’ll have to take. Besides, this is Arcy’s, not mine!” Giratina chugged a can of Mountain Mew with zero hesitation, before absorbing the aluminum itself. “I’ll do anything, anything to get my powers back faster!”

Lia rolled her eyes. Her master got like this at times. “Yes, yes, I know. I don’t see how that could be filling to you though. Didn’t you tell me literally yesterday you could only eat negative emotions?”

A loud incorrect buzzer rang out across all of the Hall of Origin, echoing down the marble halls. “I said I feed off negativity, not eat it. There’s a difference!”

Lia groaned, before speaking up. “Master, I need to eat some time. Us mortals can’t survive without food. Can you please not turn the fridge inside out in front of me?”

Giratina laughed. This too boomed throughout the Hall of Origin. While they may not have always seen eye-to-eye, it seems the Lord of Antimatter and the Creator of All agreed on one thing: pointless amounts of reverb was always necessary. “Lia, you are one persistent Eevee! How many times do I have to tell you that your mortality is the prize of you winning? You have not been mortal for a long, long time…”

“What was that!?” Lia snapped.

“Nothing, nothing…” Giratina sighed, before summoning a chess board. With a wing-claw, the god lifted an Oshawott-shaped piece. “Now, dear Lia, could you please pick up the pace?” With a sickening snap, Giratina crushed the piece into unrecognizable pieces. The Ghost-type slowly turned towards Lia.

“For I am getting so. desperately. hungry... ”

Chapter Text

Arceus and Mai emerged from Literature Labyrinth into a darkness, their only source of light being a piercing blue glare in the distance and the dim glow of Arceus’s collar. Mai groaned, seeing that there was still more in store even after the Dungeon. “I-I was just trying to find a book! Not cosmic horrors beyond my comprehension!” 

Arceus rolled their eyes. “Wouldst thou believeth me if I told you I’m used to encountering hurdles such as this?”

The Mimikyu clawed at the non-existent ground beneath her. Despite the nothingness below her, Mai’s claws felt… wet. How concerning. “Frankly, no.”

“Very astute of thou!!”

Team Pyrite-Minus-Sasha continued onwards towards the distant light. Their footsteps sent ripples throughout the nothingness below them. 

Mai and Arceus walked for what felt like miles, the light tantalizingly seeming just out of reach every time. But slowly, second by second, step by step, the light was getting steadily closer to the duo.

At last, the duo were close enough to see what was illuminating the darkness around them.

It was a shimmering, glowing coin, floating in the ether. Very trustworthy.

However, below that coin lay a familiar Dewott, unconscious. His breathing was slow. His paws were crossed over his chest like he was about to be buried,but he was alive

Harper laid on an intricately carved altar, with a bunch of floating hands grasping for him, yet seemingly unable to move closer.

“...this place is… familiar, ” muttered Arceus, batting away a disembodied hand. The Nickit’s eyes widened just a few seconds later in realization. “Oh, now I remember. This is but an art project Giratina did in the 6th grade.”

Mai smiled faintly. She then grabbed a floating hand and tore it to shreds. Yet, no blood was spilled. “...Huh… P-paper mache?”

Arceus nodded. “Do still remain cautious. They have more planned, I am quite sure of it.”

Mai silently acknowledged Arceus, then approached the altar Harper laid upon. She promptly shook him as hard as she could. Yet, the Water-type remained still. Mai sighed.

Arceus stared up at the glowing coin, and then squinted into the shadows behind its reach. The Nickit grimaced. “Mai, hand me a Blast Seed. Now.”

The Mimikyu quietly abided Arceus's order, slipping them the seed. Wordlessly, they bit open the hard outer shell, the inside of the Blast Seed glowing a harsh orange. A low hissing sound rumbled through the air, the only noise amidst the silence. Arceus threw the seed towards the floating coin.

Hiiiiisssssss…

BOOM!!!!

A guttural growl resonated in the inky void. In an instant, the floating coin all but seemed to vanish. Arceus was briefly knocked off balance by the nigh invisible predator they faced, but recovered just as quickly. 

Harper rose to his feet. His eyes remained closed.

Like a zombie, he began to walk off into the darkness. Step after step,seemingly completely unaware of what he was doing.

Soon, he was out of sight.

Mai turned to Arceus. “S-so, was that also part of Giratina’s art project?”

Arceus narrowed their eyes. “Wouldst thou believeth me if I were to tell you ‘yes’?” The Dark-type gestured wildly in the direction Harper went. “Last time, they kidnapped a fellow student for it.” The god sighed wistfully. “Good times.”

Mai made an attempt to distract her mind from the shadowy abyss surrounding her. “W-wait, you two went to school!?”

Arceus smirked proudly. “Of course! It is a great god’s duty to ensure their subjects get the proper education, after all! I have a PhD in Theology!” They speed-walked after Mai, who was already a short distance away from the Dark-type.

Mai giggled. “O-okay then, ‘Dr. Arceus.’ I figured someone in that field would recognize you, but I guess not.”

Arceus puffed out their chest. “Obviously I did not show them my true form! I cloaked myself using the body of a…” They trailed off.

“...”

“...doth thou feel clever, Giratina?”

***

“Yes, yes I do.” Giratina floated on their back through the air like it was water. The God of Antimatter took a sip from the wine glass hovering next to them. Ah, chocolate milk. A timeless masterpiece! Giratina was surprised to see the Hall of Origin even had the stuff, but you wouldn’t see them complaining! 

Really, the Ghost-type had to compliment Arceus’s abode. The god even had a wide-screen TV that Giratina could use to watch their Distortions! It was perfect!

“Master, why are you humoring this?” murmured Lia from an armchair. She had no idea what a “television” was, and at this point she was too afraid to ask about pieces of possibly alien technology. “Don’t we want Distortions to last as long as possible?”

Giratina waved her off. “It’ll be fine, Lia! Now that we have access to the Hall of Origin, my plans should move along much faster! What’s the harm in having a bit of fun with Arcy before continuing my schemes?”

Lia sighed, but nodded. “Very well, Master.”

“Thanks for understanding.”

Lia remained silent for a little while, considering her next words very carefully. The result of what she was about to say could quickly turn deadly if not handled with utmost caution. “So…” The Eevee grinned. “How was school today, kiddo~?”

Without missing a beat, Giratina started glowing.  Their form changed. White and pink fur grew on their body as they shrunk. Ribbons sprouted from their neck. A cute little bow appeared in their hair.

When the magical Pokémon-of-indiscriminate-gender transformation sequence was done, a Sylveon stood where the Lord of the Distortion World had been just a second ago.

And boy, did they look smug.

“Oh, I had just the most fun time, Mommy~! ” teased Giratina—presuming they were the Sylveon in front of Lia. Without warning, they nuzzled into their Eevee companion.

Lia glared at Giratina with the intensity of a thousand suns. Without warning, the Eevee lifted the Sylveon by the ear, and hurled them into a wall.

CRACK!!!!

“...Okay yeah, I deserved that.”

***

“D-dang, so Giratina was a Sylveon pretty-boy?—well, pretty-Pokémon-of-undetermined-gender, although that doesn't roll off the tongue as well.”

Arceus confirmed Mai’s question. “Indeed. They werst popular amongst both men and women alike, if I remember correctly.” The Nickit, sensing what their teammate was about to say, elaborated. “Once Giratina was in college, I mean. It would be horrendously immoral for them to date a high school student as a god who hath existethed since the beginning of time.”

Mai continued the conversation as she scuttled off into the nothingness. “As if dating a college student is much better.”

Arceus rolled their eyes. “Surprisingly, Giratina was actually rather forthcoming with their boyfriend about being the Lord of Antimatter.” The Dark-type sighed wistfully. “Saint Crescent… Though my time with him was brief, I hopeth he ist enjoying his afterlife.”

Mai, seeing this conversation would inevitably lead to Arceus having a dramatic flashback, decided to cut it short. “Are we going to keep gossiping about Giratina’s previous partners, or are we going to continue searching for Harper?”

“Fine, fine.” Arceus continued onwards into the abyss with zero hesitation. Whether this was a display of bravery or just because Giratina had put Arceus through one of these fever dreams before was anyone’s guess. “Let us see what nightmarish creatures we are to meet next.”

Mai nodded. The duo walked through the darkness for what felt like hours. Drawing closer and closer to a distant light… and hopefully closer to Harper as well. “Y-you know, I kind of thought we’d run into him by now.”

“To be perfectly honest, I did as well.”

The conversation—if it could even be called that—fizzled out. An uneasy silence took its place. The two kept marching on, however. This was no time to get cold feet.

Soon enough, they saw him.

Harper.

Standing underneath the light.

A light shaped like an Oshawott.

And he was monologuing.

“Lyn, I knew you were alive! I found you! I found you, you’re safe, you’re alive, I knew it I knew it I knew it I— ”

Mai tuned out Harper’s words, instead staring at the Oshawott-shaped light. Presumably, that was “Lyn.” The Mimikyu observed every minute detail,the sleek blue fur, the sharpened scallop…

…the pale skin, looking ready to fall off at any moment…

…the eyes, glassy and empty…

…the teeth, each the same discolored pink hue…

“T-that’s a dead body.”

Harper ignored Mai, hopping up towards “Lyn,” who remained just out of reach. A deep rumbling could be heard from barely beyond the edge of the light.

“Moveth!”

Arceus tackled Harper out of the way right as a shadowy beast lunged towards where he had been just moments prior.

Harper tried chasing after the beast, but Arceus held him back. “Calm thyself!” they hissed.

“He’s still out of reach… I’ll save him… I have to save him…” whispered Harper. Eventually, the Dewott stopped struggling. Hesitantly, Arceus released him.

Harper sat on the floor, still muttering to himself.

Arceus sighed. Gently, the god placed a paw on the Water-type’s shoulder. “Breath in. Slowly now. Taketh thy time… but not too long. Who knows when that beast could reappear?”

Mai tapped her foot impatiently—presuming Mimikyu had feet, anyways. “Can’t you hurry it up? I want to get back to the Guild of Commerce sometime this—”

Arceus chucked a Stun Seed at Mai and continued comforting Harper. “Make sure to breatheth out as well. That is… also rather important.”

Harper whimpered, but tried his best. After a while, the Dewott looked marginally calmer. But only marginally.

Arceus gave him a soft hug.

Harper and Arceus sat there in silence for a while. Mai sat there paralyzed for a while. Sasha maybe also sat somewhere for a while. Who’s to say? At last, Harper spoke.

“Where the fuck am I?”

***

“Oh, come on! Stop interfering! Be like Sasha instead, she’s just been playing checkers with Anjoe!”

“Master, they’re going to try to close the Distortion. Surely you knew this?”

“Of course I did! I just don’t have the power to stop it yet! If I could, I'd smite them down right here and now!”

“I can try to stop them, if you’d like.”

“Mmmm… Nah. I’m 98% sure they’re gonna trigger Stage 3 soon. And trust me, they’re not gonna survive that. ”

***

Arceus and Mai (after the paralysis wore off of course) briefly explained to Harper the situation.

“So this is a Distortion?” pondered the Water-type. His voice was distant, as though he was in a far away, unknown land. “Huh.”

“T-that’s it?” Mai asked. “I was kind of expecting a bit more of a reaction…”

Harper silently nodded. “Yeah…” The darkness faded away, revealing a small room in its stead. The sun shined through a window onto a beige carpet. Harper sat down on a bed (and not one of those hay ones, a real bed), the sheets a dark navy—covered in stars, of course; magazines and scratch cards littered the ground. “...I think I’m going to take a minute for myself…” The Dewott grabbed a copy of The Pickpocket Weekly and started reading almost automatically.

Arceus awkwardly stood there, before sitting down next to Harper. “Listen… I doth not exactly understand how these Distortions work, but I know they operate off of the hurt in one’s heart. So… doth thee wish to talk?”

“...No…”

“...Very well.”

Arceus curled up next to Harper and sat with him for a while. They couldn’t very well leave a hurt soul alone, after all. That would never do. Mai reached instead for a scratch card on the ground, only for Harper to suddenly snap to attention like a sentry. “ Don’t touch those. ” The Mimikyu hesitantly drew back her claws.

Seeing that nothing was going to happen for a bit, Mai made her way to the door. “I-I’m gonna go find Sasha.” Arceus flicked an ear to show they heard her. Thus, Mai exited Harper’s room, and found herself in the town square. It was quiet, almost peaceful. The only sounds were those of the ocean waves and running water.

Sasha stood in front of the Kyogre fountain, blowing bubbles out into the air. They glistened brightly in the sunlight, before popping. A gentle breeze blew said bubbles in Mai’s direction, but she carefully zig-zagged between them. 

“H-hey, Sasha! I was just wondering where you were!” greeted the Mimikyu.

“Hi, Mai.” replied the Brionne. She paused her stream of bubbles and turned to look at her teammate. “So, uh, everyone on the island just kind of vanished. Out of nowhere. No clue why, but the place is pretty much abandoned now.”

Mai briefly relayed to Sasha the events that transpired after Literature Labyrinth. Sasha, in turn, explained her interactions with the distorted Getair Siblings.

“So, I guess that you talking to Harper caused all the residents of the island to disappear for some reason?” After a moment, Sasha continued. “Knowing Giratina, that… somehow checks out.”

“B-but we don't know Giratina??”

“...”

“...”

“ Not knowing Giratina, that somehow checks out.”

Mai nodded in agreement, then pulled out from beneath her costume a few thumbtacks, some papers, a fair bit of red yarn, and a pin board.

Sasha looked at her teammate with a deadpan expression. “Mai, that better not be what I think it is.”

Mai grinned, then started laughing. It was clearly a practiced, well-rehearsed “evil guffaw.” Frankly, Sasha could almost respect it. Almost. “It’s exactly what you think it is.”

Sasha facepalmed,a creeping dread rapidly invading her mind.

“It's a conspiracy board!”

“I was afraid of that…” Sasha sighed.

Mai didn’t wait to start speculating until after she had set up the board. No, she started theorizing as she set it up. “O-okay, so! We know that Lyn is Harper’s sibling, and he’s probably dead!” After a moment, the Mimikyu made a minor revision. “Or Harper secretly thinks Lyn’s dead, but also wants to find him? But that wouldn't make sense…”

“Clearly Harper loves Lyn a lot,” added Sasha. “The Distortion manifested as pretty much just a good day with him, after all. Minus the whole… ‘shadowy void of nothingness’ thing.”

Mai wrote that down and stuck it to the board. “It’s clear Harper yearns for his brother an unnatural amount. The question is, why ? What happened to make him like this?”

***

“Tune in next time, where we answer these burning questio—Hey! No! Lia! Give me back my mic! That thing’s expensive!”

***

Arceus stood in silence, merely watching Harper read for a while. Gently, they slid an apple from their bag to the Dewott. Harper picked it up and bit into it without comment.

And that was fine.

If words were hard for the Water-type at the moment, then there was no need for them to speak.

Silence would do nicely.

…

…

A page flipped.

…

…

An apple crunched.

…

…

“...You wouldn't’ happen to have any money in that bag, would you?”

“No.”

“Okay…”

…

…

“How is The Pickpocket Weekly ? Entertaining, I hope?”

“Yeah… I’ve got to keep up with all the ways to… steal cash… I’ve got to…”

“...I see…”

…

…

“...Sorry for being so quiet…” At last, Harper put down his magazine. “...I think I’ll try to talk now.”

“Art thou certain?” Arceus raised an eyebrow. “I do not want thee to feel pressured into telling me anything you do not wish to share.”

Harper sighed. “...It's fine… Maybe getting this off my chest could do me some good… though probably not.”

“Very well then. I am, frankly, just happy thee art aware of thy surroundings,” replied Arceus, trying to bring encouragement, but instead just continuing the conversation clumsily.

Harper grimaced. “Yeah… I wish I could just be a kid again, on summer vacation with my brother. Unaware of the world’s problems… And if Jirachi won’t grant that wish, then I will grant it myself. ”

Arceus wrapped their tail around Harper, embracing him in its warmth. “Elaborate.”

Harper laid down on the bed completely, head resting against a pillow. Arceus naturally reoriented their hug to match the new position of the Dewott. “It was ten years ago, if I remember correctly… Summer break… We were visiting my uncle…”

“Ow!”

“...Lyn broke his arm…”

“Find.”

“And, well, Uncle Anjoe made a whole scavenger hunt for us to go on that wouldn't need Lyn’s arm… Arceus, he was a good uncle…”

“Oop—!”

“But Lyn slipped…”

Splash!!

“...right next to a cliff…”

“Current.”

“...and there was a sudden riptide that dragged him out to sea…”

“Swim.”

“...And I can’t swim. I know I’m supposed to be a Water-type, but I just can’t… so I couldn’t save him… ”

“Oh… Harper, I sincerely apologize for your loss. Losing a loved one can be har—” Before Arceus could continue, they were interrupted by their Dewott companion.

“He’s not dead.”

“...what?”

“He can’t be dead. He. Can’t. Be. Dead! ” Harper screamed into his pillow. Arceus winced. “They all tell me he’s dead, but I know he’s alive! I KNOW IT!!!!”

“...he’s dead, Harper.”

“...” Harper got up from his bed, and left the house.

“Harper, he’s already gone!” Arceus ran after the Water-type.

“...He’s just missing. I need to find him. That is my purpose.” Harper walked past Sasha and Mai. He stared up at the Kyogre fountain, yet he seemed to be seeing far more than just a wet statue. “That’s why I joined the Commerce Guild. I need money to travel. I need money to search. I need money to find my brother. ”

Hmm… He seems not to be outside the realm of calming down… However, I must choose my next words very carefully…

“T-that's why you joined the Commerce Guild!? Damn, you really don't have any passion for your craft then, do you?”

Mai, thou art a FUCKING MORON.

“...You’re right…”

The Kyogre fountain began to crack.

“...I am not passionate about my craft…”

It began to shake.

“But I am passionate about finding my brother…”

Marble fell off the Kyogre fountain, revealing sleek azure skin underneath. Clouds began to converge in the sky, darkening as rain began to pour from the heavens.

The marble Kyogre fountain shattered all at once! Shards flew in every direction as thunder struck the ground nearby. From below all the rock and stone rose a blue, angry looking beast.

“...and I’ll sink to the bottom of the ocean if I have to in order to save him.”

With that, the all too real Kyogre screeched with the fury of a thousand buried emotion, before letting loose a huge jet of water directly towards the ground.

“...What’s that supposed to do?” asked Sasha hesitantly.

The entire island, safe for the ground Harper stood on, was split into little “mini-islands.” Dots of land, all scattered in random places within the great pool of water called the ocean. With a flap of its huge wings, Kyogre swept Team Pyrite off their feet, flippers, and whatever the fuck Mimikyus had. They were blown back off the crumbling pieces of safe land. Arceus’s fur was ruined and Mai’s disguise almost flew off!

“Oh!” exclaimed Sasha as her body hit the water. “ That’s what!

Chapter Text

This wasn’t the first time Mai had fallen unexpectedly into the ocean. Actually, it wasn’t even the second time. It was the thirteenth time. Having said that, being attacked by Kyogre wasn’t normally the reason Mai would usually plummet into the ocean. There was the one time her family was vacationing around Silver Trench, but that was Lugia! Not Kyogre!

Mai mentally considered her options while sinking to the bottom. She could either patiently wait until she ran out of oxygen and died, or she could try swimming in her unfamiliar Mimikyu body.

….the correct option in this situation was really fucking obvious.

So she feebly tried pushing through the water with her many new limbs. Unfortunately, her spindly legs were awful at swimming, no matter how she flailed them. If she was still a Pikachu, Mai could have probably gotten some traction using her paws. She didn’t know how to swim, but she could at least improvise something with them in a pinch. Turns out though, Mimikyus don’t have paws, because Mai’s life could have never possibly been easy for once. Luckily, Mai was able to slowly rise upwards to the surface. After a few moments, the Ghost-type finally got a breath of fresh air. The pitter-patter of rain falling from the dark skies above and hitting the ocean waves had never been so comforting.

Even so, there was no time to waste listening to the sounds of the rainshower. If Kyogre attacked again, Mai might not have been strong enough to swim back up a second time. Quickly forming a plan, the Mimikyu reached a claw up and sliced off her head.

Her costume’s head. Duh.

Mai silently prayed the thick cloth wouldn’t get any holes in it as she tore out the stuffing. The fluffy white padding seemed to break apart as soon as it touched the water, but the Ghost-type couldn’t afford to care. Mai pressed her mouth to the drenched cloth and huffed air into it, filling it like a balloon. She tied the end off in a tight knot and then clung to her costume’s head for dear life. Just as planned, the head worked as a makeshift flotation device despite being sticky with saltwater. While it definitely wasn’t perfectly buoyant and the Mimikyu still had to pathetically straddle water with her spindly limbs, it certainly helped. 

But would it have helped enough? The towering waves cascaded onto Mai like an avalanche, ferocious in their attempts to drown her. The salty seawater scorched her eyes, effectively blinding the poor Ghost-type. Mai just grit her teeth and bore it. Screeching in pain right now would only serve to let more water enter her mouth.

No, she’d save her pained screaming for Kyogre and repurpose them into valiant battle cries to strike fear into the heart of the Legendary.

Meanwhile, Sasha effortlessly cut through the crashing waves. Maybe it was just Water-type instincts, or maybe she was secretly some sort of ocean goddess like the deadly threat looming in the air overhead. Either way, Sasha wasn’t going to complain about it!

Just then, the Brionne heard panicked gurgling from behind her and pivoted towards the noise, swimming as fast as she could towards the sound. The waves might as well not be there with how quickly the Water-type passed through them as naturally as she’d pass through air. In an instant, Sasha’s eyes snapped to the source of the noise: Arceus flailing desperately in order to keep themself afloat. The Brionne shouted “Hold on to me, Arc!” as she swam to her teammate. Upon reaching the struggling Nickit, Sasha grabbed an outstretched paw and hoisted Arceus up onto her back. The god gasped out a quick thanks as they regained their breath.

“Whatever happened after the latest family reunion to maketh Kyogre this upset!?” shouted Arceus after recovering. “Didst he fight with Groudon again!? ” If they weren’t sitting on the back of Sasha, the Dark-type would've dramatically slammed their paws down in anger. “Why must Rayquaza always be so lazy!?”

Sasha quickly responded. “I’m 93.8% certain this ‘Kyogre’ is just some more Distortion nonsense. Which hopefully means this will be an easy fight.”

“...I shall not ask why you’re so precise with that percentage,” replied Arceus. “But, whilst this fight may be easier than battling the real Kyogre —presuming this is a mere recreation—it will still be exceedingly difficult.” 

As if to prove this point, Kyogre reeled back, a sphere of water being gathered in front of it. The crashing waves ceased. The rain’s speed dropped to a sprinkle. Any and all ocean currents slowed to a stop. All was quiet.

Then Kyogre swiveled and stared right at Sasha and Arceus.

“OH SHIT!” The waves continued their rampage at what felt like tenfold the strength of the deadliest tsunami. The sprinkle shifted to a torrential downpour, each drop of water like a dagger. The currents tugged at the tip of Sasha’s tail. The orb of water in front of Kyogre glowed a piercing azure, before blasting at the Brionne and her passenger. Sasha wrapped Arceus up in her flippers as the unstoppable force of the Origin Pulse collided with the very moveable object that was her body. However, Sasha still clung onto Arceus, even as they were sent flying underwater. Even as the breath was knocked out of her. Even as a searing pain split through her left shoulder. 

They surfaced together only a few moments later, both gasping for air. Red tinted the water yet Sasha gave a weary smile. “All that, and I still survived with everything intact?” The Brionne let out a small laugh. Not that it fooled anyone. Arceus could still see the tears dropping from her eyes no matter how hard Sasha tried to pretend they weren’t there. “Sick…”

“Let us find Mai before Kyogre recovers his energy,” said Arceus. “Assuming fortune is in our favor, she should haveth an Oran Berry on her.”

“...And what if her bag was lost in the waves? What if she doesn’t have an Oran Berry on her? What then?” snapped Sasha. Yet, despite her harsh tone, Arceus could decipher the true meaning of her words with little issues. Granted, it wasn’t that hard when the Brionne’s voice was trembling so much as it was now. Her questions were genuine. Thus, Arceus have her a genuine answer.

“I don’t know…”

***

“Harper! Harper, Help me! HELP ME!! HARPER!!!!! SOMEONE, PLEASE!!!!!!”

***

As it would turn out, Mimikyus’ claws are really good for climbing. Mai could easily carve out crevices to place her feet, or whatever the Mimikyu equivalent was. She really ought to look to see what’s under the costume soon. Or maybe she was better off not knowing; it would surely be worse than Mai imagined. Instead, the Ghost-type would just be thankful for whatever body part let her scale cliffs like an Ariados for the moment. Having climbed up to the dry-ish land, the grass below her dripped with dew—as opposed to being a fully submerged part of the ocean floor due to the fury of a sea god .

This land was clearly the ruins of the former town square. A wrecked fountain stood solemnly in the center, rubble from surrounding shops and homes piled on top of each other in an indecipherable mess of destroyed woods and stones. The sickening scent of salt snuck into Mai’s nose (presuming, as always, that Mimikyus even had noses). It seemed the town was totally annihilated by Kyogre when the battle began.

Searching for anything of value, Mai scuttled through the rubble. No such luck would strike her, sadly. The most the Fairy-type could find was some debris that could still be repurposed as Gravelerocks or Geo Pebbles, but not much else.

…

…

…Mai had an awful idea.

***

“Sasha! I doth believe I’ve spotted Mai. She appears to be standing atop a moderate crag, holding several—”

Whizzzzz!

“....whomst in this earthly plane taught her to throw like that!?”

***

A rock soon collided with Kyogre’s face, the jagged stone ripping through the Water-type’s skin on its right flipper. Blood dripped down from the air where Kyogre hovered and into the salty sea. The ocean god twisted around to face the interloper who dared defy its power.

Mai hurled another stone at Kyogre, this one hitting right between its eyes. The Mimikyu reached for her bag to throw another Gravelerock, only to find it had vanished. Mai quickly glanced behind her. A Dewott ran in the opposite direction with Mai's bag in his paws. The Ghost-type’s anger flared. How dare that moron stop her from beating Kyogre!? He was delaying her return to the guild!! Why couldn’t he just let her get this over with!?

…I’m not doing this right now. GIVE.

The Mimikyu sank to the ground like a liquid, jetting forward in a shroud of shadow. Her form slithered effortlessly towards Harper, any rocks or rubble in her way being bypassed as though they were nothing. And ultimately, for Mai, they were nothing. Just like what Harper held in his paws: nothing.

The Dewott stared at Mai in bewilderment (and, frankly, a bit of awe) as she concluded her Shadow Sneak. A moment passed. Two. Then, Harper spoke. 

“...Yeah, no.”

Similarly to what Mai did a few moments ago, Harper was enveloped in a torrent of water. Mai waited patiently as the milliseconds before the Dewott and her would collide ticked down. Right as Harper thrusted his fist forward to punch her, Mai uppercutted. The Dewott soared a short distance behind Mai, before hitting the ground with a thud. Mai smiled, this was easy! With any luck, she would be out of this Distortion within the hour!

An Origin Pulse immediately slammed against Mai’s back, sending her flying. The Mimikyu flipped around several times, landing on her feet beside Harper. Mai ignored the Dewott’s groaning and retaliated, sending several Geo Pebbles at Kyogre. The ocean god calmly drew back just out of reach, the stones Mai threw unable to meet their mark.

She missed.

She never missed.

Harper coughed, then pushed himself off the ground. Once he regained his balance, the Dewott let out a small laugh—at Mai’s expense. “Wow… You suck at this…”

“S-SHUT IT!!” Mai hurled several more rocks at Kyogre, each throw as unsuccessful as the last. “Y-YOU DID SOMETHING TO THESE! THAT’S WHY YOU STOLE THEM!!!!!!” After all, that was the only way she could possibly miss a throw. She had never failed to hit an opponent before, so why should she now?

“...Actually, I was trying to keep Kyogre in good spirits so he’d help me find my brother.”

“YOUR BROTHER IS DEAD .”

The rain intensified. The clouds darkened to black. The ocean began to ascend, rising up to Mai’s legs. The flood violently lurched, sweeping Mai off her feet. Harper stood tall despite the current. His face, in contrast, displayed an uneasy grimace. “Are you done?”

Mai caught herself and started fighting against the current. “D-depends. Are you expecting me to apologize?”

The waters rose higher.

“Yes.”

A raindrop fell down Harper’s cheek.

“Well I’m not sorry for telling you your brother is dead.” An Origin Pulse shot towards Mai, the water spraying her face as she jumped away from the attack. “I, frankly, don’t care about him. I-I haven’t even met him!”

The winds howled

“If you won’t apologize, then SHUT THE FUCK UP ,” shouted Harper. The Dewott pulled out his scallops and rushed towards Mai, only for her to easily dodge his downwards slice . “MY BROTHER IS ALIVE! AND THAT OCEAN GOD HAS THE POWER TO SAVE HIM!! BUT NO , YOU JUST HAD TO GO AND ANGER HIM!!! LYN COULD BE HURT NOW, AND IT WOULD BE ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!!”

Mai avoided another flurry of slashes. “W-well, think about how I feel!”

“With all due respect, I DON’T THINK I WILL!!!! YOU’RE NOT THE ONE WHO KILLED THEIR BROTHER!!!!!”

Mai froze momentarily. “P-pardon!?”

Harper didn’t wait for Mai to recover from her shock. The Water-type darted and swung a scallop down at her. The Mimikyu’s costume luckily managed to survive the attack, ensuring no one would be subject to incomprehensible eldritch horrors that day. Still, that made her snarl as she swiped a claw across Harper’s legs, following with a hard shove . The Dewott lost his footing and fell to the flooded floor. Mai wasted no time and continued her violent assault. To defend himself, Harper violently thrashed his limbs this way and that, accidentally scratching his Fairy-type adversary. He hastily stood back up and continued fighting. “STAND DOWN AND LET ME SAVE MY BROTHER, DAMN IT!!!!”

“I-I’m gonna need you to explain what you meant when you said you killed your brother first!” responded Mai, continuing to block Harper’s onslaught.

The onslaught of slashes continued. “I CAN’T FUCKING SWIM . AND YES, I KNOW I’M A WATER-TYPE. GO AHEAD. LAUGH, YOU BITCH!!!! ” The Water-type proceeded to try and stab Mai several times. “IF I COULD SWIM, I COULD’VE STOPPED THE WAVES FROM TAKING LYN ARCEUS KNOWS WHERE. ” A flurry of scallops raged . “SEE NOW WHY HE CAN’T BE DEAD!?!?!? IF HE WAS DEAD, THEN THAT WOULD MEAN I’M A FAILURE!!!!!”

While he was holding forth, Mai parried each slice of a shell with only one of her claws. “E-exactly! You’re a pickpocket who doesn’t have any pride in being part of the Commerce Guild. Of course you’re a failure!” The Mimikyu continued deflecting as she spoke. Meanwhile, her other appendage started gathering spiritual energy, condensing it into an orb as she prepared a Shadow Ball.

Harper glared at Mai and swung again his shells; one on each side. She only managed to block one, the other managing to draw blood—or would it be ichor? Regardless, It wasn’t Harper’s job to memorize Mimikyu biology. Despite the sticky substance staining Mai’s disguise, the Dewott’s attacks were unrelenting. “Oh, don’t give me that bullshit, Ms. Double-Guildee. You talk of pride in the Commerce Guild, as someone in your position!? Tell me, did you really think I didn’t recognize your name!?”

Mai’s blood/ichor ran cold. “Q-quiet! I’m a Mimikyu now! It’s a fresh start! So shut up, and LET ME LIVE MY D-DREAM ALREADY!!!” the Ghost-type cried. She latched onto Harper to rip into him, but the Dewott managed to shake her off before she could cause any harm. Even so, Mai continued her brutal assault without hesitation.

Until she received a sharp whack from behind her. The Mimikyu turned around to face whoever dared initiate her in combat, only to see a very pissed off Nickit.

“Hello, Mai,” said Arceus. They reached a paw into Mai’s bag and grabbed an Oran Berry, before gently placing it in the mouth of an obviously heavily wounded Sasha. The Brionne had a big gash in her side, dripping blood into the floodwaters. Her eyes seemed to barely remain open. The only thing keeping Sasha upright was Arceus helping hold her steady. The Brionne obediently swallowed the berry. Her wounds began to patch themselves up with fresh, new skin. Energy returned to her features and Arceus smiled briefly, then immediately glared at Mai. “So, my dearest companion. Wouldst thou like to explain to me what thou were just doing with Harper a mere moment ago!?”

“Trying to kill each other!” replied both Mai and Harper with little delay. 

Arceus facepalmed. “Well, do try to kill Kyogre instead, please.” After a moment of deliberation, the god added “Oh, and Mai? We shall be talking about this more later. Do not think thou art offeth the hook. But first, let us find cover.”

“Why?”

“Because I wish not to be immediately decimated once Kyogre goes back on the offensive. Now come!”

***

“...I refuse to shelter with her. ”

“A-and I with him. ”

“...Fine. Sasha, thou taketh Harper. I shall stay with Mai.”

“Aye-aye, captain!”

***

Arceus and Mai sat besides each other in the ruins of the town’s library—well, in the ruins of the non-Mystery Dungeon part of it at any rate. Though Mai had briefly explained why her costume’s head was missing, Arceus was still mildly unnerved by talking to what might as well be a decapitated ‘mon. 

But there were more important matters to take care of.

“Mai, sincerely, give me one good explanation for why thou wert fighting Harper,” commanded Arceus. While the god kept an eye out to make sure Kyogre wasn’t approaching, they still mostly focussed their efforts onto their Mimikyu teammate.

Mai, seemingly oblivious to Arceus’s anger, just smiled. “W-well, he stole my Gravelerocks, so I maimed him. It’s pretty simple.” The Ghost-type clawed at the crumbling wall next to her. She’d give the wall a 3/10 due to its fragility. “And I figured if I beat him up then the Distortion would close too!”

“By harming an innocent Pokémon!? Art thou a dunce!?” Arceus’s tail whipped back and forth with frustration. “Thou hath just made things worse, as always.”

Mai rolled her eyes. “O-oh, please. Blame Harper or Sasha. Not me. ”

“Oh really?” Arceus raised an eyebrow. “Why should I blame Sasha for this when she’s been nothing but kind to me? As opposed to thou, who appears to me as a habitual liar.” Before Mai could refute the allegations, Arceus continued. “Tell me, why doth thou think I entered Literature Labyrinth?”

“T-to kill time?”

“Incorrect.” A book fell out of the Nickit’s tail. Whilst I may have some complaints about this form, it does come with certain benefits! Arceus calmly picked the thick nonfiction work off the ground and began flipping through the pages. “I figured it wouldst be advantageous if I fact-checked my knowledge about your mortal societies. Imagine my surprise when—Ah, here we are.” The god showed Mai the page and pointed at one specific paragraph.

Many changes were made to the guild system when they became official agencies of Orchardem during the Age of Advancement. For example, while certain guilds such as the Investigation Guild and the Active Guild of Law Enforcement still mandate background checks be performed on any new members, other guilds such as the Search and Rescue Guild only require them at Diamond Rank and above.

Another noteworthy amendment involves guild housing. The guilds each originally had their own individual housing rules until their government endorsement. However, after the guilds joined with the Orchadem government, it was decided each were required to have the following living space available to guild members that fit the listed criteria:

…

“I think you need not read any more to understand,” said Arceus. They pocketed the book back in their fluffy tail, which twitched back and forth irritably. “I wouldst be surprised if thee forgot it twas thine urging that convinced Sasha and I to join the Commerce Guild in the first place. Thine ‘explanation’ that the Commerce Guild hath free housing and no background checks was what persuaded me in the first place.” The Nickit snarled. “Only for I to discover those ‘selling points’ were really nothing special.”

“H-hey! I never claimed that the Commerce Guild was the only guild to not do background checks for the earlier ranks!” Mai squealed. The Fairy-type felt like her throat was being twisted into knots, barely able to squeak out small sentences. “A-and—! I-I—! F-fine, maybe I lied just a little about the housing conditions, but can you really blame me!?”

“Give how the one truth thou hath uttered thus far was that we shall make a lot of money; yes, I do believe I can blameth thou. And I shall! Besides, I haven’t finished with my accusations yet.” Arceus cleared their throat and popped open a Max Ether. They took a swig of the restorative elixir to help rejuvenate themself before continuing. The Dark-type had a feeling they’d need all their energy to get through the rest of this interaction. “Next up on my list: the Harper section.”

“O-oh, c’mon! I’m literally inside his Distortion trying to help him!”

“Yes,” replied Arceus. “And thine art doing a fucking awful job of it.” A flash of lightning in the distance punctuated the god’s words. “Sasha was critically wounded. Her and I rushed towards thou as quickly as possible, desperate for an Oran Berry. Only to encounter thou and Harper in a physical altercation—thou telling him what a failure he is all the while, might I add.”

Mai clawed at the ground. The air was thick with the scent of petrichor. Rain dripped down the sides of collapsed buildings. “W-well, he started it. He stole my Gravelerocks. I was just trying to get them back.”

“So, thou attacked a ‘mon clearly in the midst of a mental breakdown over them stealing rocks!? ” Arceus snapped.

“Yeah, rocks that saved Sasha’s life, if your story about her being ‘critically injured’ is to be believed!” Mai retorted.

“Yes, I shall admit Sasha could very well be dead if it weren’t for that. But do not pretend you wert aware of her wounds when thou began hurling stones. The fact thou saved her life was a mere coincidence and thou know it.”

“M-my point still stands! And besides, if I had known she was in danger, I would have immediately jumped into action to save her!” responded Mai. “I-I… don’t really like to see anyone getting hurt.”

Arceus pursed their lips. “Is that so?” The furious god’s words dripped with venom. “Thou certainly haven’t been acting like it. Doth thou not remember the time thou nearly cut my throat with thy claws? What wouldst thou had done if Sasha had not told thou to knock it off?”

“Nothing! T-that was a joke! It was just a joke!” Mai whimpered. “Arceus, I swear to you that was supposed to be a joke. I swear !”

“Oh, twas just a joke, was it!? Well, it twas not a very fun one! It twas a harrowing experience, and I can still feel the pain on my throat.” The Nickit glared daggers at Mai. “I know not whomst thou think thou art fooling, but it is not—”

“That hurt?”

“....what.” Arceus blinked, dumbfounded. Mai’s tone stared at her teammate with curiosity, awaiting their answer. “Y-yes, that hurteth!”

“Oh,” said Mai. “...”

“...”

“I-I’m sorry.”

An apology? That was the furthest thing Arceus was expecting from a ‘mon such as Mai. What possibly could have made such a stubborn, coldhearted spirit apologize for their actions? It could just be her trying to manipulate the Nickit, but judging by her tone Mai seemed… genuine. It just didn’t make sense!

And then it hit Arceus.

“...Thou hath got to be fuckething with me.” Arceus’s tail thrashed behind them. The god stared at Mai in utter disbelief. “I can hardly believe it. Thou art not malicious… thou art just stupid?”

“I-I mean… I wouldn’t call myself stupid ,” replied Mai. The Mimikyu averted her eyes. “but Sage says I can be a bit dumb at times. She always tells me to let her cut up the veggies if we’re cooking something together. S-she says I ‘break the knives’ too quickly, or something like that?” Mai shrugged.

Arceus facepalmed. “...Very well. I supposeth that excuses thy physical aggression.” The Dark-type took a deep breath in. “But that still does not explain thy web of lies. Why didth thou weave it?”

Mai squirmed, uneasy. The Mimikyu clawed at the crumbling wall beside her. The wind howled.  Rain soaked the ‘mon’s costume. After a few moments, Mai spoke. “L-later,” the Fairy-type pleaded. “I’ll tell both you and Sasha anything you want about me… but later. It doesn't affect us right now, so we’ll talk after we get out of this Distortion. I-is that alright?”

Arceus sighed, but relented.

***

…I am so, so very tired of this Mimikyu…

***

“You good?” Sasha asked the Dewott sitting next to her. Despite the ruined houses next to them, a bench stood intact amidst the rubble. Thunder rumbled off in the distance. Sasha could see Kyogre flying some ways away, luckily seeming to be taking a break from its assault.

“The rain is nice.” Harper stared up at the sky, water dripping down his drenched fur. His pink cape was naturally soaked as well. “It’s very wet.”

Oh, he was disassociating. Joy. “Yeah, it is pretty cool,” replied Sasha. “It’s strange. You wouldn’t think water could just fall from the sky like this, but it does anyways.”

“Yeah,” said Harper. And that was it. 

“...Are you okay…?”

“...No,” replied the Dewott. “No, I am not okay.”

Sasha patted Harper on the back. “Want me to go punch Mai for you?”

This earned a small laugh from her benchmate. While it was barely noticeable, a hint of a smile began to spread across his face. Good, that’s a start! “No thanks. I’ll do that myself later.”

“Fair enough!” chuckled Sasha. “Maybe we can make it a two-on-one fight, see how well Mai can handle the both of us! That bitch won’t know what hit her! Serves her right for calling you a failure!” The Brionne flexed her flippers. Even if it was a tad embarrassing, it would be worth it to cheer Harper up!

The Dewott looked away at the mention of what Mai had said to him, completely missing Sasha showing off her weak muscles. Harper grimaced. “While she may be a bitch, she’s right. I am a failure.” The Water-type hung his head.

“Nah. You’re fine, trust me.” Sasha awkwardly went back to patting Harper on the back. The downpour of rain lightened ever-so slightly. The clouds seemed just a bit lighter. “You wouldn’t be trying so hard to find Lyn otherwise, right? That’s not something a failure would do!”

Harper sighed. “I know Lyn is dead, Sasha. I’m not stupid.” He lifted his head and stared out at the horizon. “I’ve spent over a decade on this quest. I even joined the Commerce Guild to fund my endeavors. If he was alive, I would’ve found him already.”

Sasha frowned. “At risk of sounding like a certain psychopathic Mimikyu… maybe he is dead. But that doesn’t make you a failure,” said the Brionne. “You said it yourself; you aren’t stupid. If anything, this shows how dedicated you are towards achieving your goals. That has to count for something, right?” Sasha smiled, praying to see the same on Harper’s face.

“I guess…” replied the Dewott. While no grin spread across his visage, the rain slowed itself even further. Lightning still struck in the distance, but it was far more infrequent than previously. “I just… wish he was still around. That we could still talk. That whenever I spoke to him, he could speak back.”

“I can get that,” Sasha responded. “But are you sure you aren’t just causing yourself to hurt more? Don’t get me wrong, it’s completely fine to miss your brother. But spending a decade looking for him doesn’t sound healthy.” The Brionne’s strong voice wavered. “...Sorry. I hope that didn’t offend you. I just want to help.”

“It’s fine.” Harper sighed. “You’re trying your best to be respectful while still attempting to help, and that alone means the world to me. It’s just…” The Water-type grit his teeth. “...this is my life now. It’s all been for the sake of finding Lyn. Without that purpose I… don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

Sasha patted her companion on the shoulder. “I understand. Frankly, I have no clue what I’m doing with my life either, but I want to try everything I can before I settle on a course in life. You don’t even need to decide during this conversation! You have plenty of time to figure these things out!.” The Brionne blew a spray of bubbles into the air before continuing. “Just make sure it’s something that makes you happy, okay?”

“I don’t deserve happiness.”

“You do,” replied Sasha. “Everyone does.”

“I killed my fucking brother.” Harper started to whimper. “He deserves happiness, not me. I only cause problems.”

“No.” Sasha walked up to her fellow Water-type, and gave him a warm, comforting hug. Harper hesitantly hugged back. “I know nothing I say is going to convince you. But I personally think you deserve happiness just as much as Lyn does.”

“But don’t you understand!?” Teardrops started to fall from Harper’s eyes. “I. Killed. Lyn. I’m a horrible person.”

Sasha just continued hugging the crying Dewott. “And what do you think Lyn would say to you if you spoke to him as a ghost?” It was a bit of a gamble, but the Brionne hoped it would pay off.

Harper sniffled. “I dunno… he’d probably say some stupid joke like ‘listen, the view from the bottom of the ocean? Absolutely breathtaking’ or something…”

“So he wouldn’t have any hard feelings?”

“No.” Harper muttered. It was only after a moment had passed that the Dewott realized what he just said. “No.” The word felt so unfamiliar on his tongue. “No? No.”

Sasha giggled softly. “It really is a wonderful word, isn’t it?”

Harper smirked. “No.”

Sasha laughed. “Feeling a bit better now?”

“No,” replied Harper. Despite this, the Water-type still grinned. “But I will soon.”

“Oh?” Sasha raised an eyebrow. “Did you figure out what you wanted to do after this all is over? Because if so, I’m happy for you! That’s progress!”

Harper shook his head. “...No” He hopped off the bench and onto some stone rubble. “I won’t pretend to know what I want to do with my life yet.” The Dewott pulled out his scallops, one in each hand, before turning his head to look at Sasha. “But if I don’t get out of this Distortion, I’ll never know. Besides, Lyn wouldn’t have wanted me to be depressed on his behalf. I still feel this horrible pit in my stomach, but… how is it supposed to get better if I don’t try?”

Harper smiled. His spirits still weren't high, but they were… better. Albeit, only marginally, but that was still an improvement at the very least. 

“C’mon. We’ve got an ocean god to fight.”

***

“...Do what makes me happy, huh? I suppose that could be worth a try…”

***

Sasha, Arceus, Mai, and Harper all reconvened in town square to wait for Kyogre to return and continued its onslaught. The latter two glared at each other fiercely. 

“Listen,” said Harper after a second. His eyes narrowed. “I hate you. Truly, I do. But we can duel later, after we get out of here. Understand?”

Mai nodded as much as she could without her disguise’s head. “S-sounds good to me! I could beat you up any day of the week. But Kyogre is more like a yearly treat!”

Harper took a moment before replying. “You know what? That works.” The Dewott shrugged.

Before the conversation could continue further, the quartet of Pokémon were alerted by a flash of lightning. The waves began to thrash. The water level had luckily lowered since Mai and Harper fought, though it was still higher than it probably should be. The jagged cliffs the team stood atop were above the water, but only by a few feet.

“Wasn’t the town below the cliffs before?” asked Sasha, taking her eyes off the storm that was approaching. She ignored Mai, who was currently provoking the black clouds in isolation.

Arceus hummed. “Indeed. That is quite strange.” The Nickit turned to Harper. “Doth thee know more about this than I? This is supposed to be a manifestation of thy thoughts, after all.”

Harper grinned sheepishly in response. “Going to be honest… I just can’t remember where exactly the village was. I know it was on an island and near some cliffs, but otherwise I’ve got nothing.” 

Well, that wouldst certainly do it . The god turned their attention back to the thunderstorm drawing closer.

The wind picked up speed.

And closer.

The light rain turned to a colossal downpour.

And closer.

A blue and white shape descended into view from the dark clouds.

And closer.

Kyogre let out a fearsome roar , the noise exploding in Arceus’s eardrums. Team Pyrite and Harper jumped into a bush and out of sight, hoping to catch their foe off-guard. The group began whispering among themselves, planning. Mai muttered to her teammates, “K-keep it in range by any means necessary. If it retreats again, it’s gonna be a problem.” The Mimikyu handed a few Gravelerocks to her teammates, silently squirming at the thought of giving up some precious ammunition. “I-I’ve only got a couple more of these left, so don’t you dare miss!!”

The other three nodded in understanding.

“Good! N-now, watch this!” Mai rushed out from the shrubbery and hurled a Geo Pebble at Kyogre, scraping the Lord of the Sea’s left wing. The Water-type twisted its head to stare at its aggressor. 

Mai just grinned. An Origin Pulse rocketed towards her, which she simply sidestepped. Another Geo Pebble tore through the air, piercing Kyogre’s other wing. The ocean god faltered in the air. Good. “One of you three ground it! After that, I’ll be free to tear right through! ”

“On it!” shouted Sasha. She turned to Harper, bubbles beginning to spill from her mouth. “You take the left wing, I’ll take the right!”

Harper nodded, before letting out a quick, targeted burst. It jetted through the air like a bolt of lighting, racing towards the steel rod that was Kyogre. The Water Gun exploded against Kyogre’s side, still wounding it despite the type disadvantage. Harper didn’t let up his attacks once his first hit its mark, he immediately sent out another Water Gun! And another! And another! A look to his side showed the Dewott that Sasha was doing something similar with her Bubbles. 

The attacks added up quickly for Kyogre. Its body began to sink in the air, the flapping of its wings barely keeping the ocean god aloft.

Arceus ran to Sasha's side, tackling her out of the way of another Origin Pulse. The Brionne bowed her head in thanks. Arceus merely dusted off their fur. Their eyes gleamed with both determination  and… something utterly foreign.

Mischief .

“Sasha, I hath a tremendously idiotic idea. Care to assist me?” Arceus grinned.

Sasha grinned back. “With pleasure!”

“Good,” replied Arceus. The Nickit, without further ado, jumped onto Sasha’s face. 

“Ammcey!? WMMF MMF FMFF AMF MF MOMFM!?” screamed the Brionne, her voice muffled beneath her teammate’s body. Though she supposed this could be worse. At least Arceus’s fur was comfy.

“I am going to infer thou art asking me what I am doing. Glad thou asked!” responded Arceus, listening intently to the undecipherable gibberish coming out from Sasha’s mouth. “Shooteth me!”

“MMF FMMK!? ”

“Let loose thy strongest torrent of water!” shouted the god to their teammate. “Launch me at Kyogre with all thy might!”

Beneath the face-full of Nickit, Sasha still smiled. “Fmmk mf.” The Brionne focused inwards, willing the power of the deep ocean within her to come out in a ferocious deluge.

But aA very different power responded to her resolve.

Pink, ethereal tendrils of mystical origin blessed Sasha. A warmth brewed within her. And soon, it came spilling out.

It was not a Bubble Beam, Water Gun, or even a Hydro Pulse that rocketed Arceus at Kyogre. It was a full-fledged Moonblast, brimming with a secret energy studied by fae of eons past.

Moonblast was, unfortunately, very effective against Dark-types. “FUCKETH—” Arceus slammed face-first into Kyogre, barely clinging to consciousness. The Nickit dug their claws into the Water-type, intent on getting a grip. Kyogre shook its body the best it could, nearly causing Arceus to go flying into the sea but. Tthe Dark-type remained steady, and mentally prepared themself for their next move. 

Arceus shoved several Gravelerocks into Kyogre’s blowhole, cutting the air off from its lungs. The Water-type shuddered beneath the Nickit. Desperate coughs came from its blowhole, ruffling Arceus’s fur. 

And then Kyogre did a barrel roll.

Arceus was sent sailing off the ocean god, careening back towards land. Hard. The rocks they landed on dug into their fur and pierced their skin. The Nickit used their paws to try to soften the impact, but, alas, it was for naught. Arceus winced as they pulled out the stones that were embedded in their paw pads. Even simply touching the wounds were enough to make them erupt in searing pain.

At Sasha’s prompting, Mai tossed her teammate an Oran Berry. Then, the Ghost-type began focusing on her own onslaught. A few Geo Pebbles to the wings ensured Kyogre’s altitude would drop enough for Mai to make a big leap onto the Water-type. In an instant, the Mimikyu had calculated the required trajectory and speed for her jump. Which, naturally, she executed flawles—

Kyogre intercepted using a wing and sent the Mimikyu flying into the dirt.

A Reviver Seed became a Plain Seed.

Mai returned to consciousness and began to pull herself up off the ground. Kyogre didn’t give the Fairy-type any time to recover, however. The ocean god immediately rushed after its prey and slammed its full body onto its victim.

A Reviver Seed became a Plain Seed. 

Mai tried to get up again. “N-no, wait, this isn’t how this is supposed to g—” Kyogre let loose a point-blank Origin Pulse, cutting off the Mimikyu.

A Reviver Seed became a Plain Seed.

Mai woke up. She immediately tried to scramble away, of course, but it didn’t mean very much. Another hit from Kyogre’s wings finished her.

A Reviver Seed did not become a Plain Seed, for there were no more Reviver Seeds left in Mai’s bag.

The world froze. Sasha, Arceus, and Harper looked at Mai’s unconscious body in horror. The Mimikyu’s limbs were curled up under her costume like a dead insect. Said costume was stained with dark splotches of blood. After what felt like an hour, Sasha spoke. And though no one else would ever admit it, her words summed up what they all were thinking: 

“Oh, we are fucked. ”

Arceus took a deep breath to calm themself. The team’s probably most competent member was down. That wasn’t ideal, but they could still get through this with the right strategy. They had already dealt some decent damage to Kyogre and its wings, so it probably couldn’t fly away and wait the group out. But how would they gain the upper hand? Arceus haphazardly shouted an order. “One of thou, grabbeth Mai’s bag!”

As if it had heard what Arceus just said, Kyogre sent out another Origin Pulse for what seemed to be the sole purpose of washing away the aforementioned bag.

Arceus groaned, fur now drenched with saltwater. “Scratch that.”

“I think only Mai learns Scratch, actually,” replied Harper. Arceus just gave him a dirty look in response. Harper gulped, a shiver running up his spine. “Sorry. I’ll repent in full for that later, I’m sure.”

Turns out, “later” might have been a lot closer than the Water-type thought. Kyogre charged at Harper, seeking to brutally destroy him by any means necessary. Arceus lunged to intercept and land a blow on Kyogre, only to be quickly knocked aside by a wing. The Lord of the Sea continued on its path towards Harper, powering through each and every Water Gun the Dewott shot to slow its onslaught. Soon enough, Kyogre went to slam a wing down upon Harper as well. The Dewott felt his body tense up. There was no way he could get out of the way in time.

With a crash, Harper skidded across the dirt, eventually coming to a slow stop in a nearby pile of mud. The world spun. The Water-type tried to push himself back up off the ground, ignoring the aching in his limbs. Unfortunately, said limbs had clearly been pushed to their limits. Harper’s arms and legs gave out beneath him and the Dewott collapsed in the mire like the dirty, pitiful feral he was. Looking up, Harper saw Kyogre preparing an Origin Pulse. The finishing blow. A fitting end for a monster like him.

“I personally think you deserve happiness just as much as Lyn does.”

A̸ ̵f̶i̵t̶t̸i̸n̴g̸ ̸e̵n̷d̸ ̵f̷o̷r̷ ̵a̷ ̶m̵o̷n̶s̴t̶e̴r̵ ̸l̵i̵k̵e̵ ̶h̷i̴m̵.̵

“You said it yourself; you aren’t stupid. If anything, this shows how dedicated you are towards achieving your goals. That has to count for something, right?”

Ȃ̸̛̰̭ ̵̧̂͗f̵͔̪̊͛i̴̘͛̏t̸͙̒̚ṯ̴̬̈́̊i̴̗͆͘n̴͎͆g̸͙͑ͅ ̶͚̀ë̸͕̝́̍ṅ̷̟̅d̷̩̖̆ ̴̥̺̓f̶͒̑ͅo̶̺̞͘r̴̹͝ ̸̤͗a̷͍̮̕ ̷͛̂͜m̶̗̲̎̊ò̶̮n̶̪͊̑s̴̻̪̋t̷͉̮͐é̸̙r̶̖̞͠ ̴̯́l̸̨̠͒i̸͂́͜k̷̻̖̒ę̸̿ ̸͚̙̀h̵͔̘͛̑i̴̱͕̕m̶̩̔̏.̷̜̌͗

“And what do you think Lyn would say to you if you spoke to him as a ghost?”

A̸̢̹͈͘ ̶͙͚̦̝̗̎͐̑̽̍̈̃͝f̶͖̞͕̺̽́̽̑̿î̸̻͌̽̈́̀̕̚͝t̵̹̻̲͕͉͖̏̆̂̕t̵̺͑̌̄̒i̶̛͖͍̮̪̦̣̩͓͋̉͑͗̾́n̷̘̽͆̈́̓̎͐ǵ̶͔͇̖͓̠̺̠͗ ̷͙̘͓͑̐̚͠e̴̢̻͙͕̊̈̽͘̚͜͠͝n̴͖̗͉̰̭̈́́́́̕d̴̥̟̩̼͖̥͔͑̈́̈́̐́͠͝ ̸̝̞̺̯̮́̀͑̊̽̒͘f̶͙̻͉͐̃͛͂̂̄ò̴͕̇r̶̜͚̣̼͓̈́́͆͛ ̵̭̹̣̮̙͖̟̾̂͗̀͗̄ȁ̴̧̢̲̼̣̤͍͗̽̾̍ ̶̡̣̤̠̤̾̌͝m̷̨͈̮̪̤̬͚̗͐̅o̷͍̪̟̝͍̥͈͐͛͂̍̎̒̽͠n̴͓͗̚s̵̡̱̭͖͓͕̎̆̄͑͂̋̅͘͜ẗ̶̛͉́̂̕e̶͉͉̫͉͖̭̼̒̏̉͋̓͐͘ṛ̵̡̎̄ ̵͓̝̠̯̰͉͉̈̈́̿̕͝l̴̤̘̮̯͇̘̫̖͋̌į̴͍͕̣̖͙͚͛̉̃̍͛͘͜͝͠ḳ̴͐̒̈́͆̾̇e̵͎̝̱̖͈̦͌ ̶̰̝̝̀͋̾̕̕͠ḧ̵̢̛́̓̆̐͆̀̕i̷͔̮̟͚̣̟͓̐̃̆͠m̵̧̠̭͂̈́̋̀̓͝.̷̛͇͇̠͈̭͂̋̃̏̈̃͘

“...Lyn wouldn’t have wanted me to be depressed on his behalf.”

This wouldn’t be a fitting end for someone like him.

Harper felt a spark emerge from deep inside his soul. It wasn’t particularly big or strong, but it was enough. As the torrential Origin Pulse rushed towards the Dewott, a strike of lightning met it. The ball of water was shattered by the bolt, its droplets falling to the ground like rain. 

Harper picked himself up off the ground and stared down the ocean god before him. An electric guitar materialized in his paws—literally. Lightning arced between his claws, coruscating strings of thunder forming on a guitar made of pure electric energy. Using his scallops as a pick, the Dewott strummed away. Each chord Harper hit let loose a jolt of electricity, bolts shooting from the guitar straight towards Kyogre.

“Damn, nice!” cheered Sasha, sliding up next to her ally. “I have no clue how you managed to do…” The Water-type gestured vaguely at the guitar. “... that , but keep it up!”

Arceus ran up beside Harper, Mai’s unconscious body balanced on their back. “Hidden Power!? That ist… impressive. Very impressive.” Arceus patted their Harper on the back. The Dewott’s tail wagged from the praise. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks.” Harper smiled, letting loose another volley of lightning bolts. Each chord the Water-type played rang out like thunder upon a calm sea. The electricity struck Kyogre in the wings which made the Lord of Seas let out a furious roar , but it changed nothing. In fact, it could barely be heard over the sound of the electric guitar. Kyogre’s wings locked up, paralysis overtaking them.

As the mighty god began to fall, Harper and Team Pyrite surged forward. More strikes soared through the sky, piercing and scorching Kyogre. Eventually, it began to land near a beach. Its eyes brimmed with hate. As the trio (well, quartet if you count a comatose Mai) approached their target, Arceus and Sasha broke off from Harper to start their own onslaught.

Claws from Arceus raked across Kyogre’s body.

Flippers from Sasha slapped the opposing ocean god.

Nickit fangs chomped into Kyogre’s skin.

Fairy-type energy blasted out from a Brionne’s flippertips.

Kyogre snarled and rolled over in the sand, trying to use its limp wings and tailfin to hit its adversaries. Arceus shrugged off a blow and retaliated with another slash of their claws. A Moonblast from Sasha was interrupted by a strike from Kyogre’s tailfin, knocking her prone. The ocean god rolled over again, coming face to face with Arceus.

“And exactly what doth thee plan on doing now?” said the Dark-type smugly. 

In response, it bit Arceus, holding their tiny Nickit body (and the Mimikyu body on said Nickit’s back) in between its teeth. Arceus yelped, and tried to ignore the sudden, searing pain erupting all over their body. The Water-type snatched Sasha within its jaws as well before she could get up. 

Harper belted out another full electric guitar solo in the hopes of freeing his friends. Alas, each and every bolt that struck its mark, Kyogre just ignored. The Lord of the Sea rolled off the sandbar and into the open ocean, before diving into the water below.

Harper’s muscles tensed. The Dewott ran forward to try to catch up with Kyogre, only for his limbs to seize upon touching open waters. The image of a young Oshawott flashed across his mind. Harper’s breath hitched. He collapsed to his knees on the sandbar, waiting for Team Pyrite to come back up. He ignored the small voice in the back of his mind telling him to get in the water.

…Team Pyrite would come back up, right?

Get in the water.

They had to come back up eventually! If not, that would mean…

Get in the water.

T-that would mean—

Get in the water.

Harper wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice.

The Dewott took a deep breath, then dove into the water after his friends (and also Mai).

The water flowed through his fur like a sieve. It was cold, but refreshing like lemonade on a warm summer day. The light from the sun began to fade away into darkness the deeper Harper dove down into the depths. Luckily, the electric guitar in Harper’s paws continued to glow with shining sparks. Moreover, it seemed that miraculously the lightning conjured by Hidden Power wouldn’t electrocute the water if Harper didn’t intend it to. I guess I just have a natural talent for controlling electricity. 

Being a Water-type, Harper instinctively knew how to hold his breath when going diving—even if he had never properly learned to swim. While the Dewott’s lack of webbing between his paws (some sort of genetic mutation, according to his mother) certainly made swimming harder, it was far from impossible. As a matter of fact, it was awfully natural to swim like this! Must have been another instinctual thing.

… could he have saved Lyn after all?

Well, it was too late now. Harper continued his dive, the surface feeling far, far away. There, at the edge of the darkness, he saw it: Kyogre, lying on the ocean floor, Team Pyrite held between his jaws. Arceus looked barely conscious, using the last of their strength to hold a paw over Mai’s (presumed) mouth. Being a fellow Water-type, Sasha was in a much better state. The Brionne was wide awake, fully aware of her surroundings and struggling to break free of Kyogre’s teeth. 

Harper touched down on the bottom of the sea, eyes shining with electrifying resolve. Ignoring Kyogre’s furious gaze, the Dewott stepped forward. A harsh current emanated from Kyogre, but Harper did not falter; he continued taking steps, one foot after another. The current intensified, but it was meaningless. Harper charged forward until he stood right in front of Kyogre, glaring at the ocean god coldly. 

No, not an ocean god. Just another figment of the Distortion.

Harper lifted his guitar over his head…

…and SLAMMED down!

Electricity surged!

Kyogre screeched!

The false god shattered like glass, breaking into a thousand pieces! Sasha broke free from the rubble, and grabbed a drowning Mai, gesturing for Harper to do the same with the floated body of a now-fainted Arceus. The Dewott did as such, before kicking off the ground and rising from the ocean floor!

Upwards and upwards Harper swam, ignoring how his lungs began to burn . He wouldn’t die here. He wouldn’t . To fail here would be to fail Lyn. With only one arm usable (the other wrapped tightly around Arceus), Harper pushed as hard as he could.

An air bubble escaped his mouth.

Panicking, Harper frantically kicked his legs, praying the surface was close. More air bubbles began slipping out. Harper could feel his paws going numb from a lack of oxygen. His vision began to blur. His legs felt weak. 

Harper kicked upwards one final time before his body gave out. His eyelids were heavy, begging him to meet with the sweet embrace of Yvetal. Death overpowered him. Though he tried to resist it, Harper’s body instinctively opened its mouth to take a breath.

“Don’t give up now, bro! You’re almost there! Just a bit further!”

Harper could feel a presence besides him, softly glowing an ethereal teal. The Dewott closed his mouth. Legs burning, he kicked again. And again. And again. The pain flared, but Harper’s will did too . He would not die here, that was a promise. With little air left in his lungs, the Water-type gave one final push.

“Goodbye, brother.”

Harper broke through the surface of the water! Not wasting any time, the Dewott shoved Arceus’s unconscious body onto land, ensuring the Nickit would be able to breath despite their current condition. Harper pushed himself up onto the hard, stone ground as well. He stepped forward a few times, before a wave of nausea came over him.

As he collapsed, the Dewott grinned.

The last thing he saw before his vision went black was just a normal cave.

Chapter Text

A Zorua flicked off his room’s lights in a repeated pattern. Three short burst of light, followed by three long ones. Then, another three short ones. His face stung. His bones hurt .

The light across the city did not blink in response as it usually would.

Something was wrong.

As quietly as he could, the Zorua opened the door to his room, and crept out.

***

White.

That was the first thing Mai saw upon waking up.

“O-oh, did I die again?” asked the Mimikyu, much to the befuddlement of the (clearly still in training) Servine doctor standing beside her. The Grass-type donned a pink neckerchief—the color clearly designating him as part of Audino’s Medical Guild.

Said Grass-type groaned upon noticing his patient was awake. “Oh boy, you’re up. Great,” the Servine drawled. ”Tell me, are you going to be one of those difficult patients? Or are you instead going to answer my questions honestly and give me an easy time? Because I already have a guess based off that one sentence.”

“W-well…” Mai started. She was an honest person, she liked to think. So naturally, she answered with that level of genuinity. “Yeah, I’m probably gonna be a problem patient. Sorry!”

“You know what? I can almost respect you for being forthcoming,” replied the Servine after a moment. The doctor pulled out a clipboard and pen. “...First question: do you know why you collapsed?”

Mai nodded. “I-I got bitten by Kyogre.”

The Servine glanced at the Ghost-type’s vitals. Her heart continued flatlining at a steady rate. The doctor sighed. “Well, you don’t seem to be lying, I guess. And that does match with your injuries.”

“N-now it’s my turn for a question!” demanded Mai. “Fair’s fair, after all!”

The Servine raised a vine to his chin thoughtfully. “Hm. That’s true, I suppose. Alright then, I permit it.”

“How did I end up in this… hospital?”

The Servine shrugged. “I don’t know. Some Floette said she found you in a cave and said you needed medical attention, and that’s all I heard.” The Grass-type smirked. “Now, it’s back to my turn!” With a flourish of his vines, he posed his next question. “Why were you dragged in alongside Harper Getair, the Dewott recently stated by Corviknight’s Distortion Control Guild to have been trapped within one of the aforementioned Distortions!?”

W-who in the Distortion World uses ‘aforementioned’ in a casual sentence!? “O-oh! Harper made it out of the Distortion then?” Mai smiled. After all, that was great news! She had succeeded in closing the Distortion and could now, hopefully, start doing her actual job at the Commerce Guild!

...So what was this uncomfortable feeling squirming in her chest?

“...W-we just stumbled into it by accident. T-that Floette must have coincidentally saved him at the same time or something,” whispered Mai.

“Aww, I was looking forward to hearing an adventure for once! This guild is so boring otherwise!” The Servine sighed, disappointed. “Ah well. You know the rules, and so do I. It’s your turn to ask a question now!”

Mai shifted position in her hospital bed, turning her head to look up at the ceiling instead of the doctor. It was the same sterile, snowy white as the rest of the medical station. The only other colors were the splotches of red, yellow, and blue that clearly served no purpose but to try to break up the dreariness.

Keyword being try.

“I-I don’t have any more questions…” muttered Mai. “I’m… n-not in the mood to talk anymore.” Why was this feeling not going away? Why was it not gone already!? Curling up in a bed is supposed to make you feel better, right!? Even if it was an uncomfy hospital bed!?

“Oh… Suit yourself, then. Guess this won’t be very interesting after all.”

Mai clawed at the sheets, resigned to just lay down on the mattress. Though not before snarling at her Servine doctor, of course! “D-don’t let the door hit you on your way out!”

***

“Oh don’t worry, I removed the door some time ago.”

“...What?”

“I was really bored.”

***

“Hey, big brother?” Harper tugged at Lyn’s paw. The moon shone brightly down onto his sibling’s bed, accompanied in the night sky by a blanket of stars. Uncle Anjoe had told him they were the loving eyes of Pokémon who were on a long, long journey together, but Harper knew the truth: They were just Pidgeotto carrying Luminous Orbs.

Lyn roused from his slumber. Upon seeing who was next to him, the Oshawott groggily pulled the covers off himself. “...Harper? What are you doing up so late? Mom’s gonna kill you if she finds out…”

“Are you going to tell her?”

“Well, I never said that.” Lyn giggled quietly. The Water-type, seemingly a bit more awake now, rolled to one side of the bed. Taking the hint, Harper sat down next to his brother. “So, what is it you woke me up for? Did you want to go stargazing again?”

“No, nothing like that. Just…” Harper hesitated, then buried his face into his older brother’s fur. Lyn hugged the Oshawott tightly. “You’re going to middle school soon, which means I won’t be able to eat lunch with you anymore! Or play with you during recess! O-or… run to you when I’m feeling scared.” Tears ran down Harper’s cheeks. “W-what am I supposed to do without you!? It’s just this summer left, that’s it!”

“Hey,” Lyn whispered. The Water-type pet his brother gently. “You’ll be fine. Sure, I may be gone physically, but I’ll be right besides you in spirit. Whenever you score high on a test, think of that as me throwing you a bone. Whenever you pull off some super cool move like Aqua Jet, that’s me lending a hand.”

Harper wiped the tears from his eyes. “...Really…?”

Lyn nodded. “Of course.” He smiled in reassurance. “You can sleep next to me today if you want. I’m sure I can get Mom to understand.”

After a moment, Harper shook his head. “No. If we’re going to be separated, I think I want some time to practice.” He got up from his position beside Lyn and quietly walked to the door. Opening it, Harper proceeded to tip-toe back to his room, ensuring his parents would be none the wiser.

A bit after his brother left, Lyn sighed.. “Honestly, he acts like I’m gonna die over the summer…”

Harper was roused from his slumber by a soft hand gently shaking his shoulder. “Rise and shine, Harper! I know your body’s capable of waking up, I can see it on your vitals!”

“Oh, c’mon!” complained the Dewott, shooting up from the prone position he laid in and glaring at the Audino he presumed to be his caretaker. “Let a ‘mon rest, lady! I need to…” Harper trailed off, his eyes widening in recognition. “...Nurse Medi!?”

Medi smirked. “That’s Guildmaster Medi now, Harper.”

“Oh!” Harper smiled and politely clapped his paws. “Congrats!” The Dewott even summoned a celebratory spray of water via Water Sport, the droplets shimmering with an iridescent rainbow glow in the brightly-lit hospital room.

“Thank you!” Medi beamed, pulling out a clipboard. “But more importantly right now:” The Normal-type frowned. “Are you alright?”

Harper thought for a moment, before shaking his head. “No. Not yet, anyways.” Despite his words, the Water-type gave Medi a confident thumbs-up. “But I will be.”

Medi mirrored the gesture. “That’s the spirit! Now, let’s get down to business!” The Audino pulled up a calendar and handed it to Harper. “I’ll get into the full, step-by-step plan later, but here’s the gist of it: Over the course of the next week, you will be going through some basic physical therapy. Because shockingly,” she continued, “drowning is not very good for your health!”

“Yeah, I pieced that together.”

“Perfect!” cheered Medi. As she continued to go over the calendar, her expression of joy quickly turned to one of sorrow. “Around the end of the week… You will have to go through an intense psychological examination.” An apologetic grin painted itself across the Normal-type’s visage. “I have no doubt you’ll pass, but after the last person was freed from her Distortion… Well, they weren’t doing as well as you.”

“How so?” Harper tilted his head.

Medi looked to off to the side. “She was hysteric. Kept screaming her head off about how she ‘still wasn’t safe.’ Needless to say, she… did not pass the psych test.”

Harper grimaced, his eyes silently sending the Audino his condolences. “...Yikes. Sorry for asking.” The Dewott picked up his scallops and began idly fidgeting with them—namely rubbing their edges together. Wisely choosing to change the topic, he posed a brief question. “How are my friends? Oh, and Mai?”

“Oh, they’re good!” Medi gave a happy thumbs-up. “Getting discharged later today, actually!”

“Sick,” Harper replied.

“Now, just to make sure you’re absolutely in good health…” Medi smirked.

“Oh dear sweet Arceus, what are you—”

“GM PRIVILEGE: MELODY OF THE SOUL!!”

As the flute appeared in Medi’s hands and the notes began to play, Harper’s muscles began to slowly unwind. His life felt so much brighter, and his heart beat to a comforting rhythm. “Damn… What was that?”

“A perk of being a guildmaster.” Medi winked. “It’s pretty handy. That little verse can do a wonder of things in the paws of a good learner like me. Heals wounds, rejuvenates the soul, sets people ablaze if I want it to, and also sounds nice.” The Audino stepped towards the door. “I’ll be back in an hour to start a more professional check-up, ‘kay?”

“Alrighty, I guess.”

Thus, Medi left, leaving Harper alone with his thoughts. As the Dewott laid down against his pillow, he smiled.

That song was really pretty…

***

“However many coins doth thee desire in return for our treatment?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. The government pays for it.”

“Yesseth.”

“Wha—”

“ YESSETH. ”

***

Arceus stepped out of the hospital and took in a deep breath of fresh air. The soft scent of freshly bloomed flowers in the noontime sun filled the god’s nose, reinvigorating their mind and refreshing their spirit. And Arceus was certain they’d need the renewed vigor. Aftereth all… the Nickit thought, glancing at the Mimikyu walking through the hospital door behind them.

There wereth some conversations that must be havethed.

“Okay, I know we’re going to do the whole ‘confront Mai’ thing in a second, but can we grab a bite to eat first?” asked Sasha, rubbing her stomach. “I’m a bit hungry.”

Arceus acquiesced to their teammate’s wishes. Sasha had done more than enough in the Distortion for this small request to be granted. And, while Arceus would never admit it, the Medical Guild’s cuisine left much to be desired. “I supposeth. Doth the Kohale Kafé again work for thou?”

Sasha nodded in affirmation. With that, Arceus glanced at Mai, silently telling her to lead the way—after all, she was the only member of the party who even somewhat knew the streets of Hyacinth. The Mimikyu reluctantly gestured for her teammates to follow her, before scuttling off down the road.

After around thirty minutes of walking down the straightforward streets of the city, Team Pyrite at last arrived at their destination, a short ding! from the bell above the door signaling their entrance to Kohale Kafé.

“Ah! Bonjour again, Monsieurs and Mademoiselles. It delights me to see your repeated patronage of our establishment,” spoke the Indeedee waiter. He gave a polite bow. “It has been a rather slow day, so you may pick any table you desire.”

Team Pyrite took a seat at a table in the corner near a window, giving a clear view of Pokémon going about their daily lives. Arceus smirked as they sat down—they had gotten the seat above the vent. The Nickit politely ordered the same meal as the last time they had eaten at Kohale Kafé. Sasha, on the other hand, chose to try a foreign dish with as many different toppings she could afford. Mai chose to order nothing.

“Now,” said Arceus, stabbing their bread with a fork. “Let us begin.” The Dark-type glared at Mai. “Explaineth everything. Why thou lied to us. Why Harper called thou a ‘double-guildee.’ All of it. Spareth no detail.” They ran their claws across the table. “Or else.”

“Could you… not scratch the table, Monsieur?”

Arceus quickly apologized, but continued glaring at the Mimikyu sitting across from them. While she tried to remain silent, Mai folded quickly under the intense gaze of a god. At last, she opened her mouth.

“I’ll start with the basics,” she began. “I-I’m Mai Juine. I used to be a Pikachu, but now I’m a Mimikyu. And I recently joined the Guild of Commerce!” Mai smiled beneath her disguise. “And normally, I’d say that’s all you need to know.”

Arceus waited for Mai to go on. She did not. She instead shifted uncomfortably in her seat like a child caught in a lie. Before Arceus could say anything, however, Sasha piped up. “...You gonna keep talking or like…?”

“S-sorry,” Mai muttered. “I-I’m not really… good with this stuff.”

Sasha gently nodded. “I can get that. Can you try to tell us in order of what is most important for us to know about you to the least important? Besides the obvious bits about what species you are, your interests, and other things like that.”

Mai sighed. “I-I suppose the most important thing to know about me is who my mother is… Her name is April Juine. She’s a Weavile, and she married a Raichu named March Juine. They’re both nice parents for the most part, even if Mom can be a little r-restricting.” The Mimikyu idly clawed at the table. Huh, strange. This one was a different type of wood than the other tables. “But the most important thing to know is that my mom’s full title is…” Mai swallowed nervously. The air felt thick.

“Guildmaster April Juine. Leader of Weavile’s Guild of Exploration, 3rd-Time World-Saving Hero, and four-time winner of The Pickpocket Daily’s annual ‘Miss Orchardem’ Award.” Which you can apparently win despite being married, Mai internally added.

Sasha gasped politely, wanting to be a good audience. Arceus had no such desire to be polite, and thus cut straight to the point. “So thou art the daughter of a famous woman. That is all very well and good, but how doth this relate to thy lies?”

“I was getting to that!” snapped Mai. The Mimikyu huffed, but then bowed her costume’s head (which the Medical Guild had been kind enough to replace) apologetically. “Anyways, I was always a bit of a prodigy in the Exploration Guild.” Upon seeing Arceus’s judging eyes, she hastily added “N-no, I mean that objectively. Team Summer—the team I was on—holds the record for the quickest a team has ever reached Ultra Rank, I’m p-pretty sure.”

“Did you like it there?” asked Sasha.

Mai anxiously clawed at the table. “N-no.” She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “No, I didn’t. Mom loved exploring. She’s the Guildmaster for a reason! But she didn’t understand that maybe someone might… not want to do that,” spoke the Mimikyu bitterly. “My whole family has been explorers. My grandma, my Mom, my Dad, and all of my siblings. A-and I guess me too.”

Arceus and Sasha frowned. Sasha slowly got up from her chair, walked over to Mai, and gave her teammate a pat on the back before returning to her seat.

“...T-thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“Okay,” replied Mai. “A-as I was saying, my Mom wants everyone in the family to be explorers. But to be honest…” The Ghost-type quietly glanced around the store, as if she was afraid someone might hear her. “I f-fucking hate exploring. It sucks!”

“Oh hey, you finally said a swear!” Sasha raised a glass of complimentary water as a congratulations. “Good job!”

The Ghost-type smiled in appreciation. “I-it’s so boring! It’s all either cartography or item retrieval missions! It’s all super bland, but I had to do it. Little me kept going, day by day, through her pointless life.” Mai fidgeted with her aquamarine neckerchief, a nostalgic warmth filling her eyes. “B-but then I discovered a book talking about the guilds! I already knew about the Search and Rescue Guild (Mom works pretty closely with Guildmaster Circe), but that was all I knew. The other guilds were so interesting compared to the Exploration Guild!” Mai’s body was practically vibrating with excitement. “O-one in particular caught my eye! It was so amazing compared to all the others and just made my mind scream in joy!” Her breathing quickened. Her heart began to hammer in her chest. “The Commerce Guild!”

Mai spent the next several minutes talking about how much she loved the Commerce Guild as Arceus exasperatingly tried to get her back on topic.

Eventually, Mai settled down. “W-where was I again?”

“Thou hath just discovered the other guilds.”

“Oh, right!” Mai giggled. “A-as you might have pieced together, joining the Commerce Guild became a lifelong dream of mine! So naturally, I asked Mom if I could quit the Exploration Guild and join it!” She let out a mirthless chuckle, before falling quiet. In a whisper, she spoke. “T-that didn’t go very well. She was stubborn and forced me to stay part of her guild.” Mai let loose a vicious snarl. “She’d do anything for her favorite, perfect guild!”

Silence swirled soundlessly around the room. Besides, of course, the vent beneath Arceus (it was a very noisy vent). “...Isn’t that just what you did to us?”

“H-huh!?”

“I mean, think about it,” suggested Sasha. “To be clear, I’m not necessarily accusing you of having ill intentions or even intentionally being deceitful—”

“I was.”

“Alrighty, then you’re a bitch, but we’ll go over that later,” Sasha said, rolling her eyes. “The point I’m trying to make is that you fed us a full meal of lies for no reason other than fulfill your dream of joining the Commerce Guild.” The Brionne scarfed down a piece of her meal of truths (she really must give her compliments to the chef!) before continuing. “Don’t get me wrong, everyone at the Commerce Guild has been nice to us so far! Just, y’know. I think the Guild of Distortion Control would have been more helpful to join, given our goals.”

“Well spoketh, Sasha,” replied Arceus. “Thou hath lied to us for thine own selfish intent, Mai, for the sake of thy favorite guild. Is that not similar to what thy mother would do?”

“No! It’s completely different!” hissed Mai. “Mom didn’t—”

“...”

“...Mom didn’t lie.”

“So thou art worse than thy mother. I see.”

“Aw, lay off her, Arcy.” Sasha waved her teammate away with a flipper. “She may have been an absolute piece of shit, but I understand why she was being an absolute piece of shit.” After a moment, she added “…Having said that, Mai, don’t lie like that again. Or threaten people like that again. Or do literally any of that again. Okay?”

“O-okay.”

“I care little for her intentions!” snapped Arceus, slamming their paws on the table. “Did thou not see how she treated dear Harper!?”

“...”

“...”

Mai slowly spoke up. “I’m sorry for… insulting Harper in the Distortion, telling him he’s the reason his brother’s dead, and just...” Mai let out an angry groan, and slammed her disguise’s head on the table again with greater ferocity. “I didn’t want to make him feel like he was a terrible person or anything! I just wanted to get out of the Distortion, and the most direct method to overcome Lyn’s death was to force him to accept it by whatever means necessary!”

“I’d still argue that isn’t how you should—”

“I don’t care if I was chosen to save the world from Distortions or whatever, I just want to go home to the Commerce Guild! Sell items! Collect furniture! SOMETHING, PLEASE, ANYTHING BESIDES SOME WORLD-SAVING QUEST—”

“Thou weren’t.” Arceus interrupted.

Mai took a moment to breathe, then looked at her teammate with curiosity. “What?”

“Chosen, I meaneth,” responded the Nickit. “I did not seek thee out specifically. I did not gazeth upon thee and think ‘that’s the one.’ I did no selection of any sort. Thou wert just the first one to die after I madeth up my mind to intervene with Giratina’s plot. So if thou wish…” Arceus’s throat closed up (why did it close? Why. Did. It. Close!?), but the god pushed through it. “If thou wish to separate, I understand. Sasha and I will simply quit and joineth the Guild of Distortion Control, and thou can remain with the Commerce Guild.” The Dark-type sighed. “We can both be happy.”

Mai hugged herself. No words were spoken. None needed to be. Everyone could be happy. That was for the best.

Arceus had gotten up from their chair and began walking towards the counter to pay their bill when a claw grabbed their shoulder.

“Wait, no! P-please!” A pathetic gurgle came from behind the god. “I don’t w-want to be alone right now…”

Arceus gently swatted the Mimikyu’s claw away, but acquiesced and returned to the table. “Then how do we supposeth we should go about this?” the Dark-type asked, looking down at their empty plate. “Because, I confess, separating with thou does not sit quite… right with me.”

Sasha decided now was a good time to give her two-cents. “How about this?” She proposed. “We do some quick, simple missions for the Commerce Guild now that there aren’t any open Distortions. Just a little bit of what Mai wants for a bit.” The ever-cheery Brionne let a reassuring grin write itself across her face. “Then, when a Distortion does form, we head through it and see if Mai made it easier or harder before deciding on what to do. Is that alright with all of you?”

“Y-yes! T-thank you!” Mai replied immediately.

Arceus took longer to respond. Nonetheless, they eventually answered. “I supposeth I can agree to those terms.”

“Perfect!” chirped Sasha. “Now, shall we head back to the guild?”

Everyone nodded. Arceus stood up to go pay the bill (succeeding this time) as Sasha and Mai walked towards the door to leave. Before they could, however, the door swung open, narrowly missing the duo. “Papa! Je suis rentré!” shouted the familiar Meowstic standing unsteadily at the entrance. Alex gave Sasha and Mai an apologetic look upon seeing he had almost hit them.

The Indeedee quickly finished giving Arceus their spare change and then rushed over to Alex, embracing him. “Bonjour, mon fils! Comment était la réunion?”

Alex squirmed in the arms of his father, but it was clear there was no real effort to break free. “...C'était pas mal, je suppose. Même si j'ai un léger mal de tête.” Suddenly, one of the Meowstic’s ears gave an unnatural jerk. A blast of psychic energy whizzed by Arceus, shattering a glass behind them. Alex sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. “...Oups.”

His Indeedee father got uncomfortably close to his sons face, and took a deep breath. After a moment, he let it out as a relieved sigh. “Je suis heureux de voir que tu as un peu de maîtrise de soi. Peux-tu tenir jusqu'à demain?”

Alex looked away from his papa’s eyes. Without a word, he walked behind the counter and out of sight.

The Indeedee father sighed. Clearing his throat, he turned to Team Pyrite. “Sorry about that. My son has a few… issues that need sorting out.” He gently gestured toward the door. “I’m afraid I’ll need to close for a bit to deal with this. Mind flipping the sign on your way out?”

Team Pyrite nodded, and politely left the premises.

***

“...Okay, so did anyone have any idea what they were saying there?”

“N-nope!”

“I confess, I myself use a translator I installed on the ArcPhones I giveth to my employees.”

“I swear, you need to start selling those once you get your powers back.”

“I wouldst if Sage hadn’t copyrighted the idea already!!”

***

Team Pyrite was warmly welcomed upon their return to the guild. Wayne awkwardly gave Sasha a pat on the back as Ion gave Mai a high-five. Nessie waved a fin at Arceus in greeting. Jerry caught their eyes from across the dining hall and flashed a genial smile, before stepping to the front of the room and clearing his throat. All Pokémon present snapped to attention.

“I see all but one of us have arrived,” began Jerry. “Which is good, given what I’m here to announce.” The Gholdengo smiled at the Kecleon in the crowd. “Would you like to take the reins, partner?”

Mark happily obliged, walking up next to the Guildmaster with a smile. “Very well.” Turning to the audience, he began his speech. “As you all surely know by now, Harper recently became the second victim of the newfound Distortion phenomenon. I will not be going into the specifics at this time due to privacy reasons, but do know that your guildmate is currently safe and in the care of Audino’s Medical Guild." Cheers rang throughout the hall, in addition to some polite applause from Wayne. Mark waited for the crowd to calm itself before carrying on. “As such, your Guildmaster and I have agreed that it would be in our best interest—actually, you know what?”

Mark pulled a piece of paper out of seemingly nowhere, only so he could rip it in two in a grand display of insolence.

“Fuck the formalities, the new member have lasted at least a week if we include time spent in the hospital. They might as well be family at this point. We can loosen up a bit.” The Kecleon received a jovial pat on the back from Jerry in response to this proclamation. An embarrassed laugh escaped Mark. “A-anyways…” He took a deep breath. “We figured it would be fun to throw Harper a ‘Welcome Back’ party! Any objections?”

No ‘mon in the vicinity raised a hand/claw/paw/other appendages of possibly unknown origin.

“Okay, perfect!” Mark clapped his hands, his typical Kecleon scales flashing like a vibrant rainbow. “Jerry and I luckily predicted this outcome, so for the next week you all will have a specialized job board to easily divide tasks such as the gathering of materials, preparation of cakes, restaurant reservation duty, yada-yada I don’t need to tell you the rest.”

“In other news…” spoke up Jerry, eyes sparkling with joy like his body gleamed with gold. “...Our yearly visitor and honorary guildmate should be arriving this week! Do continue to treat her as one of our own, alright partners?”

Every member of the hall saluted in unison, minus the very confused member of Team Pyrite.

“With that, y’all are hereby dismissed! The new, specialized jobs will start appearing on the board tomorrow!” announced Jerry. The members of the guild slowly got up from their seats and wandered off to do…

…whatever the Commerce Guild is supposed to do, presumably.

Someone should really ask about that sometime, huh?

***

“Hey, Ion?”

“Yeah, Sasha?”

“Who’s the visitor? Feels like Jerry was a bit vague about that.”

“Oh, right, forgot you guys are new here. Our bad. Don’t worry, it’s just Princess Raina Thale II from the Kingdom of France.”

“WHAT??”

***

Waking up bright and early the next day, Mai quickly interrupted her teammates’ sleep schedules to drag them off and have breakfast together. After they all woke up properly, the Ghost-type rushed to the special bulletin board eagerly. The freshly-printed papers boldly displayed a myriad of tasks. A certain possibly insane Alcremie calmly walked up to the board and ripped off Bake a Cake! with a manic grin.

Mai tore off the job to Negotiate With The Balloon Mafia. Seemed easy enough. Who hasn’t had to strike a deal with The Balloon Mafia once or twice?

The mission was completed with ease.

The next day, Sasha chose to Hunt Through The Sub-Basement Dungeon for the Old New Year’s Decorations. After navigating the seemingly endless labyrinth of apparently random items stored beneath the guild, Team Pyrite eventually found the decrepit cardboard box of decor.

The mission was completed with ease.

Arceus summoned all their strength and chose the task Visit Eonista Fashi to See If We Can Get Cool Clothes. Luckily, the Nickit found the Delcatty fashion designer to be perfectly delightful company, and Team Pyrite left with a hefty discount for the guild’s outfits.

The mission was completed with ease.

Mai tested to see if her handwriting was the same in her Mimikyu form by choosing to Draw a Welcome Back Sign; to be Hung in the Dining Hall. As odd as it was, Mai remarkably retained her handwriting perfectly. She made a mental note to thank Arceus later.

The mission was completed with ease.

Medi handed Harper the clipboard with today’s objective on it: Wade Waist-High Into the Bath Tub. With shaky breaths, the Dewott slowly twisted the shower’s knob and closed the drain.

The mission was completed.

As the week slowly came to a close, the guild looked all festive and perfect to welcome Harper back! Mai smiled looking upon her guildmates handiwork. It was nice, helping out her favorite place in the whole wide world! She felt elated inside! And she didn’t even have to lie to her teammates any more! Things were great!

…So why did her chest still squirm with a feeling she couldn’t place?

Mai shook her head. It didn't matter. The more important task at hand was to help welcome Harper back home with her guildmates! He was due to be discharged today, after all! The whole guild (a grand total of about ten people) had gathered in the dining hall for his return.

The door slowly creaked open…

“Hi guys…” greeted Harper, his voice quiet in the large room. The Dewott timidly looked away from the eager eyes of his guildmates. Kate chose to politely ignore this and promptly shot off a confetti popper. And another confetti popper. And then a firework because fuck those warnings about about not using them indoors.

The guild would have been quickly engulfed in a blazing inferno by the firework, had Jerry not already invested in fireproofing since the last time Kate did this.

And the last time Nessie did this.

And the last time Maxine did this.

And the last time he did this.

“Well, partner, are you excited to be back at the good ol’ Commerce Guild?” The Gholdengo jovially patted his heart with one of his metallic hands, the other doing his iconic hat tip. A tiny voice in the back of his mind whispered to him about how apparently tipping that hat was his literal only idle gesture, but Jerry had ignored that pesky thought for twenty years. He wasn’t going to give in now. “Now, are you ready to see what we’ve prepared for your big return party, partner?”

Harper smiled, but it was more hollow than a dead tree. “Thank you, Guildmaster. But I…” The Water-type quickly mumbled something no one could quite catch.

“What was that, partner?”

Harper felt his words die in his throat, drowning in a sea of anxiety. Fear bubbled in his chest. His thoughts were pulled deeper into the murky depths of his heart. His stomach squirmed like a drowning child. Nonetheless, the Dewott took a deep breath and swam up from his ocean of sorrows to try and speak. His voice barely clawed its way out of his throat, but it still came out clear. “...I quit.”

The world froze. The guild fell silent. Jerry’s mouth curved downwards at the edges. “...Oh.” The Guildmaster tried to smile. “W-well, it would be a shame to let these decorations go to—” A hiccup. “W-what I mean to say is—” A sob. “...”

“...”

“...Did I do something wrong…?”

Harper stammered out a response. “No, nothing like that, I promise! It’s just…” The Dewott tugged at his faded pink cape, glancing around at the crowd that had gathered in the dining hall just to greet him. The aforementioned crowd (of ten people) luckily looked just as uncomfortable as the Water-type felt. “...Would it be okay if we talk about this more in your office?”

Jerry nodded hesitantly before hambling down a hallway and out of view. Harper walked awkwardly after him, a frown written across the Water-type’s face.

After a short walk, the Dewott stepped into the Guildmaster’s office. It was strange. Harper had been here many times before, but something in him seemed intent on paying more attention this time around. After all, this could be my final visit.

And Harper had to admit, Jerry had surprisingly good taste. He had figured the Gholdengo would have a bunch of generic decorations fitting of someone hailing from the Western Sand Continent. But surprisingly, the only things reminiscent of that region were a cactus on Jerry’s mahogany desk and the sheriff’s badge hanging on the wall behind it. The decor otherwise was oddly sweet. Pictures of a Kecleon and a Gimmighoul sat on the previously referenced desk, a feisty-looking Mareep appearing periodically among the photos as well.

All in all, it was strangely cozy.

Jerry sat down in his chair without grace. He indicated with a hand for Harper to do the same before letting out a defeated sigh. “You know, I really hoped I’d never have to have this talk again. Unfortunately, it seems fate had different plans.” The Gholdengo’s breath hitched in his throat. Nevertheless, he tried to put on a cheerful facade. “So, Harper, why do you want to quit?”

“Well…” Harper began, staring into Jerry’s eyes. His desperate, pleading eyes. “...I just don’t think I was meant to be here.”

“Elaborate.”

“I originally joined this guild for no other reason than to gain enough money to support search efforts for my brother.” The Dewott averted his gaze, his very essence filled with guilt. “And I know that’s not the worst thing ever! I don’t regret joining!” He paused, hesitant to continue. “...But it became a bit of an obsession.”

An Oshawott swiped a few coins from a pompous passerby. Surely they wouldn’t notice just a few coins missing, right?

“I couldn’t stop myself. I kept pretending it was to help find Lyn.”

A Dewott stealthily snatched a purse off the shoulder of an elderly woman on her way out of the store, carefully flattery ensuring she didn’t notice a thing until it was far too late. It was kind of mean, sure, but Lyn was more important than any old lady.  

“It wasn’t.”

Holy shit. Was that Mai Juine!? Harper had seen her in newspapers once or twice—normally about her and Team Summer. They were pretty strong, right? And worked for the Exploration Guild? Damn, they must be rich. Mai must be rich. Surely she wouldn’t notice if she simply… “lost her bag in this cave,” right?

“I don’t want to be like that anymore,” finished Harper, not realizing he had stood up from his chair.

Jerry laughed a joyless laugh. A shiver ran down Harper’s spine. The Steel-type simply shook his head in response, a sad smile shining sorrowfully across his face. He took off his hat and placed it onto his desk, hands trembling. “...I’ve seen this before. I know how this goes.” A pearly tear ran cold across his metal. “There isn’t anything I can do that would convince you to stay, is there partner?”

Harper shook his head. For once, his heart was set.

“Then, please…” Jerry’s voice cracked. His faux cheerful demeanor shattered as he began to cry.. “...w-won’t you humor an old man like me j-just this once…?” Harper nodded reassuringly. The Gholdengo hiccuped, then continued. “T-thank you…”

“Anytime, Guildmaster,” replied Harper. “What do you need me to do for you?”

“I need you to have fun today.” Jerry wiped off the teardrops that ran down his cheeks. He gave Harper the tiniest of smiles. “Your guildmates spent a lot of time setting things up for your return, and even if you aren’t coming back… I want your last day with us to be a good one.” He waved towards the door. “You are free to leave this meeting. Come back tonight so we can work out the paperwork. And please… have a good time, partner.”

Harper nodded in understanding, getting up from his chair to leave. Yet, as soon as his paw touched the doorknob, something stopped him in his tracks.

Things couldn’t end like this.

Silently, the ‘mon ran up to Jerry and nuzzled up against him. “Thank you. For everything.” His tears intermixed with his Guildmaster’s, a whirlpool of emotions swirling in his chest. “I’m…” His voice wavered.

“I ‘ m  s o  h a p p y  t o  s e e  I ‘ m  w a n t e d . . .”

***

“...You’ll always have a home here, partner. No matter where you go.”

***

And so, the day of festivities began. To start, the guild spent the late morning eating a nice brunch at a homely diner they had reserved the entirety of. It was a little bit on the cheaper end, but the atmosphere and kindness of the solitary two servers more than made up for it. The members of the Commerce Guild would be sure to visit Kohale Kafé again some time.

After a bit of shopping with Harper, the guild went to Hyacinth’s local “street with forty-seven or more theaters” that all major cities seemed to inexplicably have. Jerry had luckily bought each Pokémon present a ticket for the next showing of Maybe Happiny Ending, which they watched eagerly.

After that emotional rollercoaster of a show, the guild elected to simply go minigolfing. Mai repeatedly put too much strength into her swings, somehow shattering her ball on the third hole with the force she was using. Sasha overshot almost every time she tried to hit her ball, but seemed to be having a good time regardless! Harper and Arceus, meanwhile, were having a tense battle of wits. Neither could quite get the upper hand, but all it would take was one mistake for the other to secure victory. Silently though, Harper pondered who in their right mind would design a minigolf course like this. He thought he had seen it all with the wind(turbine)mill, but hitting the ball over a tightrope proved the Dewott should never underestimate the power of a rogue golf course designer.

After that, everyone headed back to the guild for dinner. Nessie and Kate, of course, prepared Harper’s favorite: Sushi! Everyone eagerly dug in, Jerry finishing quickly and excusing himself to retreat to his room for some alone time. His guild members understood.

“Hey, this may be a kind of silly question, but where does sushi even come from?” pondered Sasha, who was popping what would most likely be considered too much nigiri into her mouth. “It is meat, right? Are we sure this is moral?”

Arceus answered their teammate. “It ist harvested from feral Dungeon ‘mons, which hath not a mind in which to think.” The god helped themself to some maki. “Thou need not fret, Sasha.”

Meanwhile, Harper positively gorged himself on the sashimi. “You gonna have any of this Ion? It’s so good!"

The Flaafy shook her head, laughing with discomfort. “No thanks. I don’t like eating meat for… personal reasons, if that makes sense.”

Harper nodded and went to give her a high five, which Ion awkwardly reciprocated.

From across the room, Nessie and Kate grinned. The Milotic coiled around her very platonic Alcremie bestie and gave her a quick lick on the cheek. Strawberry-flavored today, it would appear. “We are such good cooks.”

Kate giggled as her teammate licked her. “C’mon, Nessie, save it for the dance later! I’m not gonna have any frosting left at this rate!”

“You say that as if you don’t like it, shortcake.”

Wayne calmly consumed his sushi besides an utterly ravenous Spiritomb, who was too busy devouring his own plate to pay much attention to anything else. “Slow down, Maxine. I don’t want you to choke.”

The Ghost-type giggled. “Can’t die a second time, Wayne!” Without skipping a beat, Maxine went right back to stuffing food into his mouth.

“Technically it would be a hundred-and-ninth time.” The Litten sighed. “Sweet Kyurem, it’s sad that that’s a sentence I have to actually say.”

Before anyone could speak more, a loud thud rattled the door. Without a word, an enigmatic Buizel stepped through and held the door open with one paw. His other paw held his cavalier hat to his chest as he bowed in respect. A single cerulean feather stuck out of it.

Mai’s muscles tensed as an Eevee stepped through the doorway, although she quickly relaxed upon seeing it wasn’t Lia. This Eevee’s fur was tidier, her posture casually refined. Cute little bows were tied to her ears, bells attached to them jingling in a melodic, practiced way. A tiara adorned her head. A natural grin spread across her face. “Hello everyone! How have you all been?”

Mark cleared his throat, taking initiative. “Ah, Princess Raina. It’s been a busy week, I almost forgot you were coming!” The Kecleon met eyes with Harper, silently asking permission to tell the Princess about his situation. Harper nodded in affirmation. “I’ll fill you in on the context surrounding this later, but Harper has decided to pursue different avenues beyond the Commerce Guild. You arrived just as we were about to begin our farewell party.”

For a split-second, Mai could have sworn she saw Raina’s expression turn to one of utter despair. However, in the blink of an eye, her expression returned to a subdued smile. “Aw!” The Eevee turned to Harper, bowing her head in respect. “I’ll miss you!”

Harper mareepishly laughed, rubbing the back of his head nervously. “Yeah, I’ll, uh, miss you too!” The Dewott pointed at Team Pyrite, attempting to segway into introductions. “There’s a new team for you to befriend, though!”

“Oh!” Raina’s face brightened as she rushed up to Team Pyrite, stars shining in her eyes. “It’s nice to meet you!” She bowed politely. “I’m Princess Raina Thale II, the youngest Princess of the Kingdom of France!” The Normal-type dragged over her Buizel companion, who timidly waved. “And this is my best friend and guard, Ray Piers!”

“I’m Sasha!”

“Arc—apologies, Noah. Noah Arche.”

“C-call me Mai!”

“It’s nice to meet you all!” Raina turned towards Ray, flicking her head at the doorway. “Oh, real quickly Ray, would you mind checking on that girl we found outside now that I’ve arrived? I’m worried about her.” The Buizel made an okay sign with a paw, before walking outside. Upon Mark raising an eyebrow at Raina, she elaborated. “Ray and I found a homeless Deerling girl nearby on our way here. I figured we ought to clean her up and look for her parents tomorrow.”

Mark facepalmed. “Lucky for you, we have a history of picking up random kids we find on the street and caring for them as we look for their parents, and thus we’ve prepared for this exact opportunity.”

“Sweet!”

As Ray headed outside, Raina continued making basic small-talk with Team Pyrite. All of the standard icebreakers were used—which historical figure would you like to share dinner with, what’s your favorite color, all the classics.

Ray came back in after a minute or so, holding the door open this time for a Deerling. Her species’ normally pink Spring fur was muted with dirt and grime, clearly not having had a good wash in a while. The large yellow flower adorning her head was wilting alongside an old, decaying crown of zinnia. Her body was paper-thin, ribs visibly even through the muck on her. A discontent frown sprawled across The Deerling’s snout. She glared at Ray. “Why did you take me here, asshole? I can take care of myself.”

Raina continued to grin, unperturbed by the terrifying, sinful act of a child swearing. “Clearly not, dear. Your fur is matted. Your flower is wilting.” The Eevee let out an empty laugh. “I’m no Grass-type, but I don’t think that’s very healthy!” The Deerling merely huffed in response.

Mai hesitated, deciding to join the conversation. “A-are you alright?” she questioned the Deerling.

“How many times do I have to tell you people!?” snapped the Grass-type. “I’m fine.”

“C-cool!” Mai responded. “Since you’re alright and stuff, how about we go get you some awesome looking bandages, a-and then I’ll teach you Take Down!?” The Ghost-type tried to show the kid a strong-yet-friendly pose, unfortunately knowing very well that that look wasn’t her strong suit.

Luckily, it seems she managed to pull it off. The Deerling smirked. “Hell yeah, now we’re talking!” Ray approached the girl, reaching out a paw to guide her, which she happily took.

Raina cheered. “Sweet! Ray, let’s make her look… er…”

Sasha finished her sentence. “Badass?”

“Yeah. That.”

Thus, Raina and Ray wandered off with the child, and the rest of the guild finished up their sushi and went to prepare for the dance they had planned. Mai ignored the noise of the crowd slowly moving to their rooms and simply stared out the window.

Waiting.

***

“H-hey, Sasha? How do I look?”

“Girl, you’re perpetually wearing a costume to conceal the untold eldritch horrors that lay beneath it. So in other words, mysterious and alluring. 9/10.”

***

Arceus finished grooming the last bit of fur on their head with a smirk, gentle paws making the task light work for the god. They had forgotten just how nice basic self-care felt. It had been so long since the last time they had made themself look, as mortals would say, “pretty” for something like a dance.

The Nickit admired their form in the nearby mirror for a moment, a giggle that they couldn’t help escaping their mouth. Arceus did a self-indulgent little twirl in their flowery dress. Beautiful yellow daffodils dotted it, mixing together to become a whirlwind of gold. As the Dark-type finished their spin, they calmly grabbed a tuxedo top and slipped it on as well.

A nonbinary god must look suitably androgenous, after all.

Arceus warmly smiled at their reflection, placing a paw up against the mirror. They hoped the guild would like their outfit.

Oh! And they really ought to go find Mai. Despite how much the god didn’t wish to admit it… she did deserve a compliment for earlier.

***

“Looking cool, Arcy!”

“...I cannot comprehend why, but I suddenly feareth thou may turn into a car.”

“...Dude, what the hell’s a car?”

“A very creative torture method Giratina inventethed for personal use, of course!”

***

“H-how did you even get up here before me!?” stammered Mai as she finished walking up the staircase that led to the roof’s terrace. The sun set in front of her, splotches of orange and red painting the sky. Silently, the Mimikyu thanked Victini for her luck. If the Commerce Guild didn’t have an extra two stories of empty team rooms, the building wouldn’t have extended upwards enough to admire such a gorgeous view. “You didn’t come in through the front door!”

The beauty of the sunset paled in comparison to the Maractus that stood before Mai. Sage glanced back at her companion, her long, flowing red dress twirling as she did so. She stated simply “I climbed,” a cheeky smirk etched across her features.

Mai facepalmed. “Why didn’t I think of that?” The Mimikyu let out a small laugh. Butterfrees flew in her stomach, her heart fluttering as she took in Sage’s appearance. “O-oh, t-that’s a nice dress! L-like, really nice!” Mai’s face flushed in embarrassment beneath her disguise. “S-sorry, I-I don’t know why I’m stuttering so much right now.”

“Mai, what have I told you about lying?” Sage scolded playfully. “We both know exactly why you’re stuttering so much, so there’s no reason to fib.” The Maractus stepped closer to the Mimikyu, giving her dress a quick spin just for fun. “And for the record, I think your bandanna looks very attractive too~!”

Mai looked away—because the sun was behind Sage, obviously. The brightness of the Sun combined with the radiance of the Maractus surely could not be good for the Ghost-type’s eyes. “R-really?”

“Of course!” replied Sage. “It’s on you, after all.” She stepped even closer to Mai. “Does the guild know you have a plus-one?”

“N-no,” Mai replied honestly.

“Oh, so we’re breaking the rules? How thrilling!” Sage’s grin spread wider. Once again, she took a step forward, the sun burning brightly as it dipped below the horizon behind her. “Now…”

Without warning, Sage rushed towards Mai and swept her off her feet/legs/paws/whatever-Mimikyus-have. The Ghost-type squealed as her partner pulled her into a Bridal Carry, much to Sage’s amusement. Giggling, the Maractus bent down and whispered into her other half’s (presumed) ear. “...Shall we dance~?”

With that, Sage pulled out an iridescent orb and softly shattered it against the brick tiles belows. As the shards evaporated into the ether, a slow waltz began to each around her and Mai. The Maractus winked, then placed her partner back on the ground. Deciding now was the time to take initiative, the Mimikyu grabbed Sage’s arms, taking care to avoid the spines.

Slowly, they began revolving in a circle on the rooftop terrace. The sun glittering on the skyline gradually faded as day turned to night and the stars began to twinkle overhead. Their dance lost no vigor as the time passed, however. As a matter of fact, it only became more intense. Were Sage allowed to make use of her position as one of Arceus’s employees to call in favors, she would have asked Dialga to make this night last forever.

…Or would I call Lunala for that? pondered the Grass-type as she continued the waltz. Though ultimately, Sage supposed it didn’t matter. Seemingly out of nowhere, she asked a question. “Remember how we met?”

“O-of course!” The Ghost-type grinned. “I would never forget it. You were twelve, and I was eleven.”

Sage smiled as they continue their dance, moonlight shining down on the duo. “Team Summer had just reached Gold Rank…”

“...which of course made me miserable,” finished Mai, still happy to cheesily recite how she first encountered her closest companion even despite it involving the Exploration Guild. “So, I d-decided to do a solo run through Silent Ravine to help take my m-mind off of… e-everything. It was a hard dungeon, but I cleared it before, so Mom let me go.”

“And I, being the dumb little kid I was, stupidly wandered in out of curiosity,” continued Sage. “Nobody knew I went in there, not even my parents.” She sighed wistfully as the music started to slow. “Good times.”

“I-I found you on Floor 3, screaming as a feral Garchomp charged at you. W-with little time to think, I…” Mai trailed of, her body tensing up in discomfort as the music stopped.

Sage hugged the Mimikyu, taking special care not to prick her with her spikes. Quietly, tears began to drip from each of her eyes. “I thank you every day for taking that blow for me, you know. It’s the first thing I do whenever I wake up.”

“A-and I thank you every day for being there for me,” responded Mai. “For letting me vent to you about the guild. H-heck, for even just… not being someone else in the guild.” The Ghost-type leaned closer to the beautiful Maractus in front of her. “I-I love you, Sage.”

“Well yeah, no shit, we’ve been dating for a year.” The Grass-type laughed. Mai pouted. “Fine, fine, I love you too, you cute little idiot.” Sage wiggled an eyebrow. “Now, enough of this emotional shit. Wanna make out~?”

Without bothering to reply, Mai dragged her girlfriend into a long, passionate kiss.

***

“You’re somehow even hotter as a Mimikyu, by the way.”

“...W-want to see me without the costume on?”

“Hell yeah!”

“...”

“...DAMN, girl!”

***

Arceus chose to retire from the dance early. While it was fun, it really wasn’t the god’s thing. The fact that they couldn’t find Mai didn’t help either. Where was she, on the roof or something!? Groaning, Arceus departed from the repurposed dining hall after wishing Harper good luck on his future endeavors.

However, it was still a tad early to head off to bed. The sun had just barely finished setting, after all! Thus, Arceus decided on a whim to head to the library for some nighttime reading—they craved to continue Magmortar on the Orient Express. Choosing not to question why a Commerce Guild had a fully stocked library, the Nickit opened the door and stepped inside.

The walls were composed of tan bricks, same as the rest of the guild. A cozy velvet carpet spread across the floor, accompanied by the variety of colored bean-bags placed between the tall, oaken shelves. It was remarkably similar to the Dungeon that Harper’s Distortion manifested, although without the omnipresent threat of ferals out to kill them.

On a pleasant, forest-green bean-bag sat a certain Brionne, squinting at the thin book she held in her flippers. Arceus smiled, walking up to her without hesitation. “Ah, hello Sasha! I must say, I wasn’t expectingth to see thou of all Pokémon here!” Hastily, the Dark-type added “Of course, I am far from disappointed in this turneth of fate!”

The Water-type quickly closed the book she was in the middle of and slid it under her beanbag. Arceus raised an eyebrow. “Oh! Nice to see you here, Arcy! You left the dance early too?”

“Indeed I hath,” said Arceus. The Nickit cut to the chase quickly. “What book wereth thou reading? And whyever did thee slide it beneath this baggeth of beans?”

Sasha immediately slammed the whole of her body weight onto the cushion, a panicked yelp escaping her throat. “Please don’t look,” she pleaded, face red with shame. “It’s not anything bad or inappropriate or anything like that, but it’s… embarrassing.”

Arceus frowned. Hesitation bloomed in their chest. Cautiously, they approached their teammate and sat down next to her on the beanbag. “...Okay.”

“Oh.” Sasha’s face evened out. “It… was really that easy?”

“Yes,” replied Arceus. Their heart felt, for lack of a better word, wet. Like it was dripping some sort of primordial ooze of despair. “I apologize if I made thee uncomfortable.”

Sasha looked at them, confused. “Why are you apologizing, dude? This is my issue, not yours. If I could…” The Brionne found herself unable to speak. Her stomach writhed.

Arceus rubbed one of their shoulders with a paw, awkwardly staring at the floor. “It’s just…”

“...”

“...I’ve never had a friend before,” said the god at last. “Or at least, not in a long while. The last person I would consider an actual ‘friend’ was Giratina, and…”

Arceus huffed, alone in the Hall of Origin. Cursing under their breath, the god smashed their head into the marble wall over and over and over again. Why were they so stupid? Why!? They knew they messed up as soon as they suggested it, so why did they suggest it!? Arceus hit their head again against the cracked wall.

It was starting to hurt.

Arceus slammed their head into the wall again.

It didn’t hurt any less.

Arceus slammed their head into the wall again.

They were a god, they wouldn’t bruise nor bleed.

Arceus slammed their head into the wall again.

Arceus slammed their head into the wall again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and

The next century passed by quickly.

“...I made some mistakes with Giratina,” finished Arceus. “I don’t want to make the same ones with thou.”

Sasha looked away. Carefully, she began to open her mouth. “...I can’t read.”

“That was very abrupteth, but all that same...Thou art illiterate?”

The Brionne reached under the beanbag and pulled out what was underneath. It was a small, thin book with vibrant colors, merely titled The Rainbow Magikarp.  Sasha’s face grew red. “I first realized it when we were at McGolden’s. I couldn’t read the menus. I couldn’t read anything.” She pointed a flipper at the book she held. “I don’t understand what the fuck this Magikarp is saying, and I’ve been staring at him for the better part of an hour.”

Arceus was about to speak up, but their teammate wasn’t finished yet.

“Every single time I think I’m finally living a normal life, it comes up!” Sasha punched the smiling Magikarp on the cover of the story. “An ever-present reminder that I’m not a normal Pokémon! That I’m not a Pokémon at all! I’m a fucking coin who’s just pretending to be a Pok—!”

Arceus gave the Brionne a hug. “Sasha,”

“...Yeah?” the Water-type sniveled.

“I’m God. And I hereby decree thou art a real Pokémon,” spoke the Divine One, slowly rubbing their companion’s back. “I know it may not mean much. But thou art as real as any one of my creations to me, even if thou were conceived by my sibling—and originally started as a piece of currency.”

“...”

“I said I wouldn’t make the same mistakes this time,” said Arceus. “And I won’t.”

Sasha responded. “...But I still can’t read…”

“I know.” Arceus took The Rainbow Magikarp from their partner’s flippers and slowly opened it to page one. “We’ll just have to fix that.”

***

“...So I just overheard all of that.”

“OH! Ion! Whenever did thee get here!?”

***

Lia calmly sipped from her cup of decaf from within the Hall of Origin, sinking into the fancy red couch in the living room. The bitter flavors of coffee and defeat danced across her tongue in tandem, blending together in a maelstrom of despair. Tasty. “They appear to have closed the Distortion.”

“Genius deduction, Lia. 20 points to you,” Giratina snarked in return. They furiously sipped their latte, needing to take care not to accidentally crush the brittle glass.

Lia rolled her eyes. “Thanks.” The Eevee picked at the styrofoam, carving her name into her cup. How her Master got their coffee in a wineglass at a fucking Starmiebucks was a mystery to her, but at least she could draw on her own drink. “So, what’s the plan now? Should I beat Arceus to a pulp?”

Giratina threw their wineglass against the wall in frustration. Luckily, the Ghost-type made sure to get their latte contained in reinforced glass, so no inconvenient shard flew into Lia’s eyes. “I don’t know! If they keep this up, it’s game over! I…” The god took a deep breath. “...I’m gonna go take a nice, long shower. I’ll think up a plan in there or something. I don’t know. Just… don’t disturb me.” Giratina’s subordinate gave a salute. Good. They quickly slithered off through the noneuclidean halls until they ended up in the grand shower room.

Giratina briefly wondered why Arceus had an entire room dedicated purely for showering. The giant bubble bath that was the size of a pool seemed a bit unnecessary, but secretly they admired the flair. The god carefully turned the knob on the tiled wall of the chamber. Soft, warm rain began to fall overhead.

…Okay, they were starting to see the appeal.

Giratina turned the dial to the max. The heavens opened up, pouring a ferocious deluge of water onto the pool-sized bubble bath. Yes, this would do nicely. The Dragon-type slid into the bath and dove to its depth. They settled about 12 feet down, slipping into a giant pink bubble the size of a small room. The rain was muffled within the air pocket, becoming nothing more than relaxing white noise. Perfect, Giratina thought to themself. No one would hear them in here.

And so, the Lord of Antimatter began to cry.

“Fuck…”

They began to wail.

“ Fuck. ”

They began to sob.

“FUCK IT! FUCK IT ALL!!” Giratina shouted. The deity’s tear ducts ran dry, so they simply summoned more tears next to their eyes to continue. Doing so also made for a good distraction. “I don’t have the time to waste on you, Arceus. I DON’T. HAVE. THE TIME.”

Giratina took a deep breath. The rain still poured overhead. Arceus closed a Distortion. That wasn’t good, but Giratina… Giratina could work with this. It was a setback, but at least the Ghost-type still got some sustenance from Harper’s negativity. But still not enough—

…

…

...They needed to take their mind off this failure. Quietly, the god’s body morphed into that of their Sylveon form. The fur was soft and warm. The ribbons were helpful and cute. The paws were nice and squishy. Giratina calmly summoned a portal to Hyacinth, making sure their indigo top-hat remained balanced on their head.

The deity stepped through the wormhole and out into some random alleyway on the west side of the city, much to the confusion of a nearby Chespin kid.

Poor child. The Grass-type was covered in mud and dirt, sitting in a small cardboard box. Their paws were calloused and scarred. Giratina frowned. That would never do. Casually, the faux Sylveon pulled an omelette out of their hat alongside 500₽. “Eat up, then go buy yourself something nice.” The Fairy/Dragon/Ghost-type smiled at the child. Their heart felt elated at the sight of the Chespin’s starry eyes.

Giratina walked out into the proper roads of Hyacinth and continued wandering. A teenaged Ambipom juggled orbs on the street corner. The god flicked a coin towards them, which the Normal-type effortlessly caught. Giratina couldn’t help but smile at the juggler’s cheers. Without saying a word, the Sylveon walked away.

The cycle continued. Giratina would wander around Hyacinth until they found someone who needed a pick-me-up, then do a small deed to help improve their mood. A bouquet for a lonely old woman Giratina found in the park. Warm tea for the couple at the graveyard. Bandages for a bruised Zorua kid. If anyone and anything needed a hand, the god would lend one.

And they did it with a smile on their face.

***

“They’ve certainly been in the shower for a while now…”

***

At last, the day of festivities came to a close, as all days eventually must. The moon shone high in the midnight sky. The stars whispered their silent goodnights as most of the guild members drifted off to sleep.

Most.

The door of the Guildmaster’s office quietly creaked open. Jerry didn’t even glance up from his papers as Harper sat down. All he did was snap his fingers to adjust the automatic Luminous Orb lighting and slide a paper to his Dewott subordinate. “...Are you sure about this, partner?”

Harper gulped. “To be honest? No. But I still want to move forward.”

Jerry solemnly nodded. “I understand the feeling. I felt much the same way when I became Guildmaster.”

“Oh?”

“The old man gave me my badge and told me I made him proud,” He took his hat off and held it against his heart reverently. “Then, he headed off to sleep.”

Harper nodded. Jerry didn’t need to continue; the Dewott already understood what happened next. The Gholdengo tapped a blank line at the bottom instead of elaborating. “Here, please.”

The Water-type grabbed a pen and clicked it twice. After testing it to make sure it still worked, Harper signed his full name on the document in messy cursive.

Harper Cello Getair

Thus, the deed was done. Jerry reached out a hand, which his ex-guild member amicably shook. “Harper Cello Getair of Bronze Rank solo-team Team Seabreeze,” he began. “You have dutifully served this guild for several years. In that time, you have discovered fifteen new Dungeon Ores, five new variants of Dungeon Furniture, and navigated dangerous business dealings with the Balloon Mafia for the good of all.” Tears sprung from the Gholdengo’s eyes. “However, at long last, it is time for you to depart. W-with…” A sob escaped his mouth. “...W-with my position of Guildmaster Jerry Aife of Orchardem’s Guild of Commerce, I hereby… r-relieve you from your duties. May all your future endeavors… succeed.”

Harper got up and hugged his previous Guildmaster as he wailed. Silently, they bid each other their farewells.

And, once Jerry finished crying, Harper began walking towards the door to leave and head to his personal quarters. Sure, technically he didn’t live there anymore, but…

…Jerry would let him stay one more night, at least.

As Harper left the room, a Kecleon entered.

“Oh, Mark!” began Jerry with a start. “Why are you h—!?”

Mark pulled Jerry into his arms and gave his husband a long, tender kiss. After what felt like an eternity, the Kecleon broke it off. “You didn’t really think I’d let you just skip the dance like that, did you?”

And so, the two began to dance. Their steps were in sync, and their souls intertwined. Their motions were perfectly coordinated, as if they were two trained actors performing in the latest musical. All the while, Mark whispered sweetly to Jerry, his words like pudding.

“You’re a wonderful Guildmaster.”

“You’ve created an environment where your guildmembers can be honest with you.”

“You’re the nicest man I’ve ever met.”

“Hey, Dads? I had another—” Jerry and Mark immediately halted their passionate endeavor and blushed furiously, looking at the Flaaffy who had just accidentally interrupted them. Ion rubbed her eyes, then shrugged. “You know what? I’m just gonna ignore you guys being mushy right now.” She stepped through the door frame, tiredly rubbing her shoulders. Exhausted, she plopped down into a chair. “...I had another nightmare.”

Her dads both embraced her. “Same one as always?” asked Jerry. Ion nodded. Mark petted her wool comfortingly.

Three hearts grew warmer.

***

“By the way, Arceus works here now.”

“...How did this become my life, partner?”

***

Mai silently skittered into Harper’s room, stealthily scuttling like a Spinarak. With the sharp eyes of a Ghost-type, she spotted her target with ease. Carefully, the Mimikyu reached a claw into the bag next to Harper’s bag and slipped in an envelope.

A signed letter of recommendation from a well-respected member of the Exploration Guild would sure to be some sort of help, at the very least.

Just as quickly as she came, Mai made her exit. However, right as she was about to close the door, she turned and whispered to the Dewott laying in his bed—even if she knew he wouldn’t hear what she was about to say.

“S-sorry for being such a jerk, Harper.”

And then, Mai left.

…

…

Harper smiled.

He was a light sleeper.

ARC 1: AQUAPHOBIA

COMPLETE

Chapter Text

Knock knock knock!

Gently, Harper rapped a paw against the mahogany doors in front of him.

Knock knock knock!

You know, now that he really thought of it, why did the Guild of Exploration have wooden doors anyway? It really clashed with that ‘modern college campus’ vibe they seemed to be going for. Heck, it barely even gave any privacy! The walls beside it were literally just glass windows! Even calling that a wall felt illegal!

Knock knock knock!

An elderly Emolga woman opened the door, pushing her spectacles up on her muzzle. She briefly mumbled something about being on the lookout for Nickits before seeming to remember Harper was still in front of her. “Oh, dearie, you can just walk in next time. We secretaries have an entire section to help sort out whatever you’re here for, there’s no need to expose yourself to the elements.”

Harper bowed his head in graciousness as the Emolga held the door open for him, stepping through with a shy smile decorating his snout. “I probably should have peeped through the windows to check that, huh?”

The secretary simply smiled as she shut the door behind him, gentle as a mother Blaziken with her flock. “Oh, nevermind that, sweetheart. My name is Terry Secre. What brings you to the Guild of Exploration today?”

The Dewott briefly introduced himself and explained how he used to work for the Commerce Guild, got trapped in a Distortion, and chose to leave his guild and pursue broader horizons—choosing carefully to omit the whole bit about literal god joining said guild alongside a living coin and… Mai. “...And that’s why I’m here now!” ended Harper. Speaking of Mai, he had a gift of hers to use. Dipping a paw quickly into his bag, the Water-type withdrew the Mimikyu’s letter and handed it to Terry. “If you need to check if I’m qualified or not, I have a personal recommendation from Mai Juine that should hopefully prove I’m fit to work here!”

“Oh!” The Electric-type’s eyes lit up. Tenderly, she took the envelope and opened it carefully. After a quick once-over, she let out a sigh of relief. “So you met Mai, dearie? That’s good to hear. It’s been weeks since we’ve last heard from her.” Terry giggled lightly. “Don’t tell anyone I said this, but her mother’s been worried sick about her! She’ll be so glad to see this, I just know it!”

“Wel,l that’s good, I think!” replied Harper, adjusting his homemade pink cape and ignoring the missing weight of his old aquamarine bandana. “So, back to the task at paw… how would I go about joining this guild?”

Terry rubbed the fur on her chin in thought, ears idly twitching in the air. “Well dear, you and a partner would normally fill out some basic personal information and then head to the back to get assigned an entrance exam by Guildmaster April.” Taking notice of how Harper’s tail began to droop, the Electric-type quickly jumped to reassure him. “Oh, don’t worry, sweetheart. If what dear Mai said was true, you’ll pass easily. The more pressing issue is if you have a partner or not, as we don’t accept solo teams.”

“I… do not.”

“Ah, don’t worry dear,” responded Terry. “I have a plan for cases just like this.” The Emolga cleared her throat, before loudly speaking. “After all, it’s not like a partner is just gonna walk through the door as we sit here talking!”

Just that instant, Terry was (surprisingly) proven correct. Nobody walked through the door. Instead, a Servine casually removed the door from its hinges with prehensile vines before stepping through. “I’m here to join the guild,” the Grass-type announced, allowing his hands to rest in the pockets of his labcoat.

Terry winked at Harper as the door clattered to the ground. Works every time! “Perfect!” The secretary told the Servine the same information about there being an entrance exam as she did Harper.  “...You’ll be working with the Dewott beside me, if that’s alright,” the Emolga finished.

The Servine took his cue and shook Harper’s paw with another vine. “Phil Chlory, former member of Medi’s Medical Guild. You?”

“Harper Getair, former member of Gholdengo’s Guild of Commerce,” the Water-type replied, trying his best to grip Phil’s unusual appendage.

A bright smile crossed Terry’s features as she clapped her paws. “Perfect! Now, follow me.” The Electric-type opened a door behind her and guided the duo through a maze of nigh-identical hallways. What wasn’t a wide glass window was a plain white wall, with only walkways, potted plants, and the occasional staircase serving to break up the monotony. The brief jaunt eventually led to an older part of the building—or was it a different building altogether? Glass faded away to marble bricks. A fuzzy velvet carpet lined the ground. Maps hung taped to the walls. Soon, Terry came to a wooden door and knocked on it. Hard. “April, dear! Are you there?”

Before Phil could separate the door from its hinges, a Weavile struck it open with an icy kick! “FUCK YEAH I AM!!!!!” Her movements erratic, she slammed the door shut with a leg behind her. Seeing the two newcomers next to Terry, the Guildmaster’s already wide grin quickly became ecstatic as she put two-and-two together. “Oh hell yes!!!! Do you two want to join?”

“Uh… That is correct,” replied Phil after a moment, looking like he just ate a Totter Seed. Harper silently felt much the same.

April, either not noticing or not caring, picked up right where she left off. “FUCK YES!!! You’re going to LOVE it here!!!!!” A burst of cold air blasted from the Weavile in glee. Ice clung to her claws. “So, your entrance exam! Give me just a moment…”

April kicked open the door behind her again and closed it behind her. After a few minutes of being gone, she kicked the door down a third time and emerged with a file resting in her paw, frost already starting to gather on it.

“Oh yeah, this one’s a COOL one!!!!” the Weavile shouted, passing the document to the new proto-team.

Harper immediately started to look through it, before Phil snatched it with a vine. Flipping through it quickly, the Servine summarized it with a deadpan tone. “Traverse Dungeon #5083, Marine Museum, to the bottom at Floor B7 without any team members fainting. Seems easy enough.”

Politely, Harper spoke up, ignoring the growing pit in his stomach that came at the mention of water. “I’d like to read it myself next time Phil, but thanks for the summary! It was very…” The Dewott stopped to find a non-hostile word. “...helpful!”

“Yeah, yeah,” replied Phil, rolling his eyes. The Servine slipped the file into Harper’s bag and began walking away.

After a moment of hesitation, Harper followed.

“You think they’ll manage?” asked Terry once the proto-team was out of earshot.

April smiled. “I’m sure they’ll be fine!!”

***

“...Hey, Harper?”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s have fun.”

***

The good news was that Marine Museum wasn’t a wet Dungeon. It resembled more of an abandoned aquarium than some flooded building. The walls were made of glass (No wonder the Exploration Guild sent us here,) allowing a clear view of the empty water the anomalous structure seemed to be submerged within. ‘Natural’ light streamed in from somewhere inside the water tanks, illuminating the dark, navy-tiled floor. Said tiles were only a tad moist, although unfortunately 'a tad moist' was too moist for Harper’s liking. Luckily, it wasn't slippery enough to be a hindrance.