Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Mine - Taylor Swift

You were in college, working part-time, waiting tables,

Left a small town, never looked back,

I was a flight risk, with a fear of fallin',

Wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts.

September

Charlie dragged himself out of bed at the ungodly hour of 6am because, of course, he had to be at the diner at 7am. At least it was Sunday and after his shift he would have plenty of time to get more of his literature project done. The silver lining of going to work so early was that it gave him plenty of time to study and complete homework afterwards on weekends.

The project was due Wednesday and he was about halfway there. If all went well, maybe he could complete the rest of it today. That certainly would put him ahead of the curve.

Getting ready was a routine he could complete without thought and he was out of his dorm room by 6:40. He’d be right on time for his shift.

The walk to the campus diner went by in a blur as he focused on getting as much coffee into his system as he could before he had to interact with people. He had tried waiting for coffee until he got to the diner since it was free, but he found that was detrimental to his tips when he was grumpy morning Charlie for the first hour as the caffeine kicked in.

Customers didn’t like to be snapped at or have parts of their order missing and Charlie was just not a functioning human before he had consumed enough caffeine.

The door on the diner jingled as he entered and he looked up to see Tao and Isaac already there and setting up.

“Finally, Charlie, you always cut it close!” Tao joked with a taunting smile. He was very familiar with Charlie’s morning grumpiness. Charlie gave him the finger and made his way to the back to put down his things and get his apron on.

Isaac just waved on his way past, his nose in a book at the host’s stand as usual. He liked to get in early, get set up, and go back to reading - which it seemed he was almost constantly doing if nothing else captured his attention. The customers loved Isaac though so the managers let him do as he wished.

Sunday morning was an interesting time for the diner since it was on a college campus. They often had a range of people come in - some who were clearly still partying from the night before and hadn’t gone to bed yet, some early morning risers who hadn’t drunk too much the night before, and some who had slept very little and were very, very hungover. It made for some fun and sometimes disgusting stories. Tao, Charlie, and Isaac had a rota going for who would clean up any nasty surprises as they came up - because, of course, many uni students had not learned how to hold their drink yet.

They had gotten pretty good at noticing when someone looked like they were headed the way of illness though and often were able to get them outside before it happened. Experience was a good teacher.

Today, it seemed, was going to be a rowdy one. They had several all-nighters come in almost as soon as they opened. Given their state, they didn’t know how to keep their voices down and two of the groups seemed to be feeding off of each other, making it worse.

There were a few early morning risers that arrived shortly thereafter. Isaac did his best to keep the two groups as far apart as possible. Some of the early morning risers looked grateful while others kept shooting glares over at the rowdy groups and shaking their heads as they perused the menu.

Slowly, they started to see the hungover folks trickle in with groans, sunnies, and the distinct “I partied too hard last night” smell. At least these were quiet, nursing headaches and who knows what else from their night out.

Charlie had been working at the diner for the last 6 months and had gotten pretty good at navigating the customers, keeping track of orders, keeping coffee mugs full, and keeping the tables moving. He felt particularly in his element today, his early morning coffee having kicked in and fueling his movements.

He was taking orders at a table facing the door of the diner when he heard the jingle as more customers entered. He glanced up briefly and his breath vacated his lungs. Walking in the door was the most handsome man he had ever seen. Tall, broad shoulders, blond hair flopped over his forehead, a smattering of freckles across his face, and, god , muscles for days. Charlie felt his mouth fall open without his permission. He had completely lost the plot of what the students in the booth were ordering.

A throat cleared somewhere, but he couldn’t seem to shake himself out of the hold this stranger had over him.  He wanted to memorise his face and see it in his dreams. He wanted to lose himself in his eyes. He couldn’t even find it in himself to be embarrassed.

“Excuse me!” The blue eyed woman in front of him waved her hand in front of his face. “Did you hear anything I said??”

She huffed, clearly annoyed, as Charlie blinked and looked back at her. He shook his head to try and clear out the lingering inappropriate thoughts that had started rocketing around his brain at the sight of the man who had come in.

“I-I.. I am so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. Could you repeat that?” he asked, smiling apologetically at the woman. He did his best to keep his eyes on her this time as she spoke and wrote down her order quickly.

“I will get that in with the kitchen and grab those coffees for you right now.” Charlie turned away from the table and did his best not to start immediately looking for the blond man.

He’s probably straight, anyway. Charlie thought. Since when had he ever been so lucky to meet a man that hot who would be into a skinny, gay, nerd like Charlie? It was unlikely to ever happen so he mind as well keep moving and get his shift done so he could get back to his project.

 Charlie took the ticket back over to the kitchen and hung it up before turning to the coffee pot to pour mugs for the two students he had just left. Tao was doing the same for another table.

“Tao, did you see where Isaac sat the group that just walked in?” Charlie hoped it was not in his section. He was certain he would struggle to talk properly in front of the blond man and really didn’t want to end up embarrassing himself. Tao looked over at Charlie’s expression and rolled his eyes.

“Oh come on, Charlie, not another straight boy crush!” Tao shook his head. This was not the first time Charlie had gotten an immediate crush on an attractive guy who came into the diner.

“I saw Isaac just a moment ago and he seemed weirdly excited. How much do you want to bet he sat that group in your section just to watch you flounder?” Tao raised an eyebrow at Charlie.

“Oh god, I really hope not. This one might be worse than the others - Tao he is literally the hottest man I have ever seen. I’ll melt if I have to talk to him,” Charlie whined. He turned a bit to look out at his section and, sure enough, he spotted the man and his friends pretty quickly. They were seated at a corner booth and chatting amicably while they waited for their server.

“Go on, then. You can’t just leave them waiting there forever,” Tao said with a laugh. “I’m sure you’ll be fine! You’re a professional - you can act normal in front of a hot guy!”

Charlie wasn’t so sure, but he grabbed the two cups of coffee he had poured and took them over to the two students, smiling at them as he dropped them off.

“Your food will be up soon,” he promised. “Let me know if you need anything in the meantime.”

The two students thanked him and went back to their conversation. He turned from the table, wiped his hands down his apron, and took a deep breath to try and steady his nerves. His heart was beating too fast and he decided it must be that he’d had too much coffee. Definitely too much coffee, not nerves.

He walked over to the booth and smiled at the group, careful not to look directly at the handsome blond because he knew it would make him tongue tied. There were four of them, all men, and all well built. Maybe they were sporty types? He cleared his throat.

“Hi, my name is Charlie and I’ll be your server today. What can I get you started with? Something to drink?” He glanced around the table quickly, again being careful not to look too closely at the man he desperately wanted to stare at. He did catch the man looking at him and briefly caught sight of warm hazel eyes.

He was absolutely doomed . He felt his cheeks flush.

“Yeah, mate, I’d love a coffee. Black is fine.” The man on his right spoke first– he had dark brown hair and rectangular glasses on his face. He smiled at Charlie and then turned to the man sitting next to him.

“Black coffee too, thanks,” the next man grumbled, cradling his head in his hands, his hair flopping over his forehead. He still had sunglasses on and his voice sounded rough. Hungover then, Charlie thought. He nodded and made a note.

They were getting closer to the blond man and Charlie would have to look at him when his turn came up - he felt his heart rate spike again.

“I’ll take a black coffee as well, mate. Gotta kick this fucking hangover.” The third man’s voice was rough as well but he seemed more awake than the other one. He took off his sunglasses and winked at Charlie. Charlie snorted a laugh and then covered his mouth in surprise.

The man smiled at him and then turned to the fourth man at their table. Charlie turned his head slowly, trying to give himself time to prepare, but nothing could have prepared him for the bolt of electricity he felt course through him as his gaze connected with the handsome blond.

The man’s hazel eyes were widened slightly and he had a flush on his cheeks - as though he’d been running. He looked just as shell shocked as Charlie felt.

“Hi,” the man said softly.

“Hi,” Charlie said stupidly in response. He felt like he was falling into those eyes. They were drawing him in and his heart rate was going a mile a minute. He’d pass out at this rate. Charlie cleared his throat again, trying to think of what he was supposed to be doing.

Drinks! Fuck, right, he was taking drink orders. The man was still staring at him, like he couldn’t think of what to say next either.

“W-would you like anything to drink?” Charlie asked, stumbling over his words, when he finally got his wits about him again. He heard a snort from one of the other lads at the table and the man in front of him directed a glare at him before turning back to Charlie.

“Uh… yes, yeah, tea, please,” the blond smiled at Charlie.

“Gotcha, three coffees, black, and one tea. I’ll get that right out and grab food orders once you’re ready.” Charlie backed away from the table slowly, seemingly unable to tear his gaze from the man in front of him until he almost ran into Tao, who grabbed him and spun him around.

“Charlie, for god’s sake, look where you’re going!” he scolded and then pushed Charlie back towards the drinks station. Charlie felt his cheeks heat up even further and did not look back at the blond’s table. It would be very helpful if the floor would swallow him up at that moment so he could die from embarrassment in peace.

—

“Do not say a word ,” Nick said, glaring again at his friends. He knew what they were thinking. The waiter, Charlie, was pretty much exactly Nick’s type and he was drop dead gorgeous. Nick didn’t stand a chance when he saw him walk up to their table.

“Whadda ya mean, mate? We didn’t say a thing,” Sai replied with a grin and waggled his eyebrows.

“He didn’t have to say anything, he’s clearly smitten,” Otis added with a chuckle.

“You should ask him out,” Sai said. “Right, Chris?” he asked, turning to their friend, who still had his head in his hands.

“Ugh, fuck off. I can’t with you all today. Why did you let me drink that much??” Chris groaned.

“Not our responsibility to control how much you drink, mate,” Nick replied a little too loudly and Chris flinched.

“Man, not so fucking loud, ok? I get it!” He tucked his head into his arms on the table, blocking his entire face from the light of the diner. Nick laughed. They may have gone a little too hard the night before but Chris was the worst of them this morning. Nick, Sai, and Otis had gone to sleep at a reasonable time whereas Chris had gotten home in the middle of the night, so drunk he could barely stand. It was a miracle he made it back to the flat in that state.

“Listen, he’s clearly my type but that doesn’t mean he’s queer or even wants to go out with me. It’s too risky,” Nick said with a sigh, glancing over to the drinks station where Charlie was clearly working on their beverages.

“You’ll never know unless you ask, man. Like, what’s the harm? It’s not like we come here typically. It’s not actually that risky,” Otis said, his voice getting quieter as he watched Charlie turn with their drinks and start to make his way back over.

Nick tried not to openly stare as Charlie gracefully navigated the diner. He managed to dodge rowdy customers and other staff with ease, like he’d been doing this for a while. Nick hadn’t felt this immediately attracted to someone in a long, long time and it had not gone well last time it had happened. What if he asked him out and Charlie said no? What if he said yes and their date was a disaster? He wasn’t sure if he could handle that right now.

He started to sweat as his brain started to think through all the ways asking Charlie on a date could go wrong. It was more likely to go wrong than right anyway. He knew that. That’s just how life worked and a spark didn’t mean it was worth the risk. Why bother when the possibility of heartbreak was so high?

He felt a fist whack him in the arm and turned to glare at Otis.

“Mate, we can see you’re spiralling over there. Chill the fuck out. It’s just a date,” Otis whispered just before Charlie arrived at their table.

“Okay! Coffees,” he placed each mug on the table one at a time and slid them to each of them, “and one tea.”

He placed the mug in front of Nick along with a little kettle of hot water and a box of tea bags. He smiled at Nick, who felt his brain go offline for a moment. ‘He has dimples,’ Nick thought. ‘I am doomed’. He smiled back and was surprised to see Charlie’s cheeks flush. Was he… blushing? Might he actually be interested in Nick?

Nick shook his head. Not the path to go down, he scolded himself.

“Have you had a chance to look over the menu?” Charlie asked the four of them. All of them nodded except Chris who kept his head on his arms.

“Alright, what would you like?” Charlie asked. You , Nick thought and then mentally slapped himself again. What was wrong with him? He’d seen cute men and women before but it had never been like this. Something about this man made him feel dopey, like his brain couldn’t think straight. He snorted to himself at that thought. Think straight, as if.

Charlie glanced at him briefly with a question in his eyes at the noise but didn’t ask.

The boys went around the table and ordered their food. Chris even raised his head to order a greasy omelette, likely in hopes that it would be a good hangover cure.

“I’ll get these orders into the kitchen and bring your food out once it’s ready. Let me know if you need anything in the meantime.” Charlie said with another smile and turned to go.

“Charlie, are you a student at Leeds?” Sai cut in before Charlie could leave. Nick glared at him but Sai didn’t seem to notice, or was more likely ignoring him. Charlie turned back with a confused look on his face.

“Yep! I study Classic literature. This is my second year here. Why do you ask?” He seemed wary as to why Sai wanted to know.

“Just haven’t seen you around before and you seem like a nice guy. Nick, Otis, Chris, and I are on the rugby team here. Ever thought about trying out for rugby?” Sai asked innocently. Nick tried to kick him under the table but ended up kicking the booth instead. Charlie looked over at Nick for a moment and then turned back to Sai.

“God, no. I am definitely too small and weak for rugby. I will stick to being a gay nerd and keep my nose safely in a book, thank you very much,” Charlie said with a laugh.

“Ah, I think you’d do fine! But, up to you. You should come check out one of our games sometime, they are a ton of fun and we generally go out to the pub afterwards, too. I bet Nick would love to see you there.” Sai replied with a sly grin. Charlie’s expression shifted back to confusion again but Nick could see him flush again too.

“Okay… Sure, maybe I’ll check it out sometime. I’ll be back with your food in a bit.” With that, he walked away, glancing back again just once before turning away quickly.

Nick sighed. His friends meant well but they really did love to meddle, especially when it came to his love life.

“Sai, that was unnecessary. You probably just confused the heck out of him.”

“Nick, mate, I just got some good intel. He’s gay, he’s nerdy. Like, man, he’s your exact type and now you know there’s a much stronger chance he could be interested. You should be thanking me,” Sai replied with an eye roll at Nick’s continued denial of the situation. Nick looked at Otis, hoping for some back up.

“Naw, sorry man, I agree with Sai. If he might be interested, you should try. Come on, put yourself out there again!” Otis said, patting Nick on the shoulder.

“You guys were there the last time I got my heart broken. I just… can’t. I can’t do it again. It’ll just crash and burn or he’ll leave. That’s just how it works,” Nick groaned, frustrated that they weren’t listening to him.

“But that’s not how it works! Or, at least, it doesn’t have to. We know how rough it was after Noah, we were there to pick you back up, remember? But you can’t hide forever and you clearly think he’s cute. Are you going to avoid dating forever? Because that just doesn’t seem realistic, mate,” Sai asserted, his tone and expression serious.

“And, anyway, who even knows if you’d get past the first date. You’ve got bi panic all over your face and you haven’t even asked him out yet. A first date won’t kill you. Just try ,” Otis insisted.

Nick knew they were right. Charlie might not even say yes and, if he did, they might have one date and never see each other again. It felt like jumping off a cliff though. Falling in love was dangerous, coming to rely on someone else was dangerous. But maybe he was thinking too far ahead. One date might not be so bad and it might help him get out of his head about dating for once.

The boys didn’t push any more as Nick went silent. They let him sit and think it through and he was grateful for that. They could push him as much as they wanted but they knew he would make up his own mind on his own time.

He looked through the diner to see if he could catch Charlie again and found him talking to another table, laughing with them as he refilled their coffee. He really was adorable, the dimples, the curly, dark hair that framed his face, those electric blue eyes. Going on a date with Charlie, maybe kissing Charlie, could be a lot of fun.

And who said it had to be serious? They could just get to know each other and enjoy each other's company. It’s not like a date meant they had to fall in love.

It didn’t take long for their food to come out and Charlie brought it over with the help of another staff member. They set the tray down on a stand and then left Charlie to dish out the plates.

He came back a short while later to refill their coffee mugs and the hot water.

“How’s the food? Is there anything else I can get you?” He asked the group. Nick looked up and Charlie was looking at him with a small smile on his lips. Nick blushed and silently cursed his pale complexion. He was being so obvious. They all enthused about their breakfasts and let him know they didn’t need anything else.

“Great, wave me down if you change your mind!” He said with a grin and then left for the next table to take orders.

Otis nudged Nick but didn’t say anything as they kept working through their food. Chris was starting to perk up as he ate and asked what they thought about the rugby match this past week. That got them all chatting about mistakes that had occurred and improvements they could make at practice.

As they wrapped up breakfast, Charlie stopped by again.

“Alright, lads, can I get you anything else?”

Nick did his best not to stare too much but he didn’t think he was doing a very good job. The boys shook their heads and said they were good to go so Charlie said he’d bring them their receipts so they could settle their bill and head out.

He came back pretty quickly and gave them the bill, letting them know they could pay at the till.

“Thanks for coming in today! Come back any time,” Charlie said with a wave, though his gaze seemed to linger on Nick. They all said they would and began to pack up their things as Charlie made his way over to another server, chatting with him briefly before pulling his apron off and starting towards the back room.

Nick and his friends stood up, making their way up to the till to pay their bills. The man at the front’s name tag said Isaac.

“Did you all enjoy your meal?” Isaac asked with a smile as he gathered up their receipt and began to take their payments.

“Yeah! And Charlie was very friendly. Has he worked here long?” Nick found himself asking before he could stop himself. Isaac’s smile seemed to grow wider.

“Yeah, Charlie’s great! He’s been here about 6 months. He’s just part time while he’s at uni. We all are really. He and I are both taking English Literature. Tao’s doing film and Elle’s in fashion.” Isaac said, pointing to each of them in turn.

Charlie came out of the back room sans apron and was about the walk past the host stand when Isaac stopped him.

“Charlie! Taking your break then?”

“Yeah, I’ll just be outside for a bit, need a break from the chaos in here.” Charlie replied with a wave and made his way out the door and out of sight. Isaac looked up as he finished with their receipts, eyeing them for a moment as though trying to make a decision.

“Nick, was it?” Isaac asked, looking at his signature on the receipt.

“Yeah, that’s me.” Nick replied, he felt nervous though he wasn’t sure why.

“Charlie tends to go sit on a bench around the other side of the diner. You know, just in case that might be helpful information for you,” Isaac said with a wink.

“Ooo, he clocked you!”

“Love that for you, mate.”

“We keep telling him to go for it.”

All of his friends spoke at once, laughing and clapping Nick on the back. Nick rolled his eyes but thanked Isaac and made his way outside. His friends broke away, stopping across the street to wait for him.

Nick’s heart rate picked up as he started around the building. He was really doing this. He was going to ask this man, a stranger, on a date. God, he really hoped he said yes. He saw Charlie almost immediately after he turned the corner, sitting quietly on a low bench with his head bent over his phone.

He didn’t want to startle him by sneaking up on him so he called out gently.

“Charlie?” Charlie’s head snapped up and his eyes widened. He made to get up but Nick waved him back.

“Did I forget something?” Charlie asked, his tone worried.

“No, no, you didn’t forget anything. I just…” Nick reached a hand to the back of his neck and rubbed. A nervous tick.

“Well… I wanted to ask you…” Nick felt his cheeks go red, the heat creeping up his chest and into his face. Why was this so bloody difficult??

“I was wondering if.. ifyoumightliketogoonadatewithme?” he rushed out and sighed in relief for finally having gotten it out. He peeked up at Charlie from where his gaze had dropped to the ground and found Charlie looking at him with a slightly hopeful, slightly confused look. Oh god, maybe he didn’t want to go out with him after all.

“That was a little fast, Nick, what did you ask me?” Charlie inquired softly, standing up from the bench to face him. Nick coughed to clear his throat and tried again.

“Charlie, I… would you like to go on a date with me?” He did his best to space out the words this time so Charlie would understand what he had asked. He watched as Charlie’s face lit up, his dimples making an appearance again.

“R-really?” he asked, some incredulity in his voice.

“Um, yeah? Only if you want to though…? Or sorry, you probably don’t want to do that, it was a stupid idea.” Nick started to backtrack, thinking maybe he’d made a mistake and Charlie’s smile was him actually laughing at Nick for trying.

“No, no ! I mean, yes ! Oh, I am mucking this up. Yes, Nick, I’d love to go on a date with you. I was just surprised you asked. I guess I assumed you were straight?” Charlie looked apologetic but the smile was still there, bright as the sun. Nick laughed, the feeling of relief at Charlie saying yes making his knees weak.

“Oh! Yeah, no. I’m bisexual, actually. But I get that a lot. Most people kind of assume I’m straight so I get it,” Nick replied and then took a step closer.

“Could I get your number and we can make a plan from there?” he asked, holding out his phone. Charlie took it and entered his information. Nick watched, feeling his chest expand with a bubble of happiness, as Charlie sent himself a text so he’d know the number belonged to Nick and then handed him his phone back.

Nick looked at the text thread and saw Charlie had named himself in Nick’s phone as Charlie 💙. The text just said “Hi”. Nick chuckled at that and then looked back at Charlie.

“Okay, well my friends are waiting for me so I gotta go, but I’ll text you and we can figure out what we want to do for our date.” Nick took a step back, reluctant to turn away from the beautiful boy in front of him. Charlie smiled at him again.

“Sounds good, Nick. I’ll see you soon.” He waved just as Nick turned around and made a beeline for his friends. As soon as he told them, they whooped and hollered their excitement, slapping him on the back and telling him they knew he could do it. 

Unbeknownst to Nick, Charlie watched this unfold with a sweet smile on his face. Maybe this was the start of something new.

Chapter Text

Mine - Taylor Swift

Do you remember, we were sitting there, by the water?

You put your arm around me for the first time,

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter,

You're the best thing, that's ever been mine.

October

Nick was really nervous. He had tried on pretty much every item of clothing in his closet and nothing seemed quite right. He needed today to be perfect but how could it be if he was dressed like a slob? There was no way Charlie would agree to see him again if he couldn’t even dress properly for a date.

Nick picked up his phone and anxiously texted his best friends.

The Queer Musketeers

Nick:

SOS, I’m panicking! What do I wear to this date? HALP.

Tara:

You’ve got plenty of options that will work well for your date, Nick. You’ve been on other dates while you’ve been at Leeds. What did you wear to those?

Darcy:

SEND PICS AND YOUR QUEER AUNTIES WILL CHOOSE. We got you, NickityNack!!

Nick:

Tara, it has to be perfect! He’s literally the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen. I have to make a good impression. 🙈😬

Nick:

Can we just video chat and I’ll show you the options?

Darcy:

YES.

Incoming video call. Nick swiped to answer the call quickly and Tara and Darcy’s faces filled his screen.

“Nickypoo! What’s got your knickers in a knot? Show us your outfit!” Darcy immediately shouted at him. Nick could tell Tara immediately elbowed them as they flinched away from her.

“Tone it down, baby, you’re going to make me go deaf at this rate.” Tara reprimanded them softly and then kissed their nose to lighten the blow.

Darcy sighed but settled back a bit.

“Right,” Tara continued. “Show us your outfit, Nicky.”

Nick set up his phone on his desk and stepped back so they could see the vest and button up combo he was wearing with cargo shorts. His friends had him do a full turn.

“You guys are going for a walk in a park nearby, yeah?” Tara asked as she looked him up and down.

“Yeah, I can move easily in this. I feel like it says I tried but, like, not too hard. It’s not like I can wear a suit to a walk in the park,” Nick confirmed with a chuckle. “Then again, is this still too much?? I don’t know!”

“Show us the other options!” Darcy interjected, flapping their hands around with excitement, narrowly missing smacking Tara in the face. Nick laughed but tried to stifle it as Tara gave him a look.

Nick stepped out of the camera frame but spoke up so they could hear him.

“Well, a walk in the park would be good for joggers and a t-shirt. But that feels too casual!” Nick quickly changed into his best joggers and a t-shirt that said “Ruck Me, Maul Me, Make Me Scrum” in rainbow lettering.

Darcy straight up cackled when they saw his shirt as he stepped back into the frame.

“Holy shit, Nicky, YES!” was their immediate response to his shirt choice.

Tara wrinkled her nose, though she did look to be trying to hold back a laugh as well.

“A little on the nose?” was her opinion, “but the joggers are more appropriate for a park walk.”

Nick could feel the tension starting to seep out of him as his friends made him laugh and helped him pick an outfit he would be comfortable in, but felt good in as well. They ultimately decided the joggers with a bi flag coloured rugby shirt would be appropriate and not call too much attention to himself.

“This is the one, Nicky. I think we’ve got it sorted,” Tara said with an indulgent smile.

“Agreed, he’s going to fall all over you!” Darcy echoed, turning to Tara to high five her. Nick laughed at their antics. He really loved his friends and while it was hard that they weren’t physically here with him, he was grateful that they would come to his rescue virtually when he needed it.

“Thank you both for helping me. I know I am on edge but this is the first date I’m going on since Noah and I just feel like I need to get it right. Even if nothing comes of it,” Nick said softly, his hand going to the back of his neck and rubbing. He didn’t entirely understand it, but he really did want this date with Charlie to go well. Something about the man just intrigued him. But it was for fun, just fun, and he had to keep reminding himself not to get in too deep so soon. He wasn’t ready for all that.

Nick caught sight of the time on his phone and promptly panicked.

“Shit, guys, I gotta go or I’m going to be late and that would not be a good first date impression.” Nick snatched up his phone, his keys, and his wallet before making his way through the shared flat to his front door.

“Go get him, Nick! You got this!” Darcy shouted with excitement as Tara winced. Darcy had lost track of the fact that they were supposed to use their indoor voice.

“I agree with Darcy, Nick, you got this and try to have some fun rather than being in your head the whole time. It’ll be more fun that way,” she said with a laugh. They waved at him and ended the call.

Nick slipped his phone into his pocket and crouched to get his comfortable Vans on before making his way outside into the chilly Autumn air. They were lucky today that it was a somewhat sunny day -perfect for an outdoor date at the park.

Nick pulled his phone back out as he walked and shot a text off to Charlie.

Nick:

I’m on my way! Be there in 10 minutes or so. 😊🤩

Charlie:

Perfect, I’m about 15 minutes away - will see you at Moorland Rd and Clarendon Rd.

Nick smiled at his phone before heart reacting to the message and sliding the device back in his pocket. Woodhouse Moor would be relatively quiet on a Saturday morning as most students slept away their hangovers. Nick took his time on the walk over, enjoying the breeze and the crisp air. It felt freeing to be out here, breathing in fresh air.

The cloud of worries that usually followed him around seemed distant in the light of the day.

There were some students out, the ones who hadn’t drunk themselves silly the night before, and Nick enjoyed some light people watching as he walked. There was a pair of students making out on a bench, which made him chuckle at their obvious lack of awareness or care of their surroundings, but then got him thinking about kissing Charlie. The thought made his heart jump in his chest, which he then chastised himself for.

He should not be getting his hopes up when the most likely outcome is that they’d be let down. As he reached the corner of University Road and Clarendon Road, he managed to move his thoughts elsewhere, mostly by watching with amusement as another student did their best to control an excitable puppy they had brought to their park. Puppies always helped Nick feel happier. He leaned against the black fence on the corner of the park and looked out at the junction, watching for Charlie’s telltale black curls.

A few minutes later, he saw them bobbing down University Road and Charlie slowly came into view as his long legs brought him closer to Nick. He had to consciously stop his mouth from dropping open at the sight. The wind was blowing Charlie’s curls back from his forehead and his cheeks were pink from the cold. He looked windswept and lovely. The sight took Nick’s breath away.

When Charlie clocked him, Nick lifted his hand and waved. Charlie waved back, a wide grin on his face as he started to cross the street.

As they walked up to each other, Nick grabbed hold of Charlie’s arms as Charlie did the same to him and said, “I’ve been looking for you!”  just as Charlie echoed the same sentence. They both laughed at the silliness of it.

“Shall we walk?” Charlie asked, gesturing towards the path and Nick nodded. They turned down the path and started into the park catching up about coursework, classes, the diner, and rugby.

The park was a mix of deep greens and browns, the colours seemed more saturated after the rain from the night before and Nick was glad he had chosen this spot. It helped his brain feel calmer as they walked. There were numerous others walking or running along the paths and others still lounging in the grass on blankets.

The conversation flowed easily between the two of them and it turned out they had more in common than Nick expected. For one, they both loved Mario Kart and promised a tournament was in order soon so they could see who was better. They seemed to have a similar sense of humour too as the laughter flowed freely between them. Both loved dogs and Nick eagerly showed Charlie his childhood dogs, Nellie and Henry - both of whom were still at home with his mum, though he noted sadly that Nellie was getting pretty old at this point.

“It must have been so nice having dogs at home!” Charlie sighed wistfully, “my parents don’t like animals and I don’t think I have the time to care for one while I’m in school. I will definitely get a dog or cat once I graduate and find my own place.”

“Well, you should come meet Nellie and Henry sometime! They would love you,” Nick replied and then paused. If Charlie came to meet his dogs, that meant he’d meet his mum and suddenly he felt panic start to creep up his spine. He was such an idiot , not thinking before he spoke.

“Yeah, maybe sometime!” Charlie responded in the ensuing silence. He didn’t suggest anything further and they walked in a slightly awkward silence for a moment. Was that too much? Nick had just invited Charlie back to his childhood home and it was only their first date. He cringed at himself. He was very good at being too much, he needed to rein it in.

“So… what made you decide to study Classic literature?” Nick asked to change the subject. They had reached a circular path past the tennis courts and they meandered slowly along the path around the edge. Nick ran his hands through his hair to keep himself from reaching out to the younger man. It was surprisingly difficult to stop himself from taking Charlie’s hand, like some invisible force was drawing them together.

“Well, I’ve always loved to read and I’d like to work for a publishing house some day so I’m getting a degree in literature. That seemed to be the path that would work best for what I enjoy doing. Plus, there is a surprising amount of queer theory study that can be done when reading Classics. It’s quite eye opening, really!” Nick watched as Charlie’s face lit up while he spoke. He was so damn beautiful. Charlie looked at him and blushed.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked softly.

“Uh, you just… did you know your face lights up when you talk about it? It’s cute.” Nick replied, voice equally soft.

Their eyes caught again and neither looked away for a moment. Nick felt Charlie’s hand brush his, gently, slowly, like he was testing the waters. He felt a tingle of electricity between them at the point of contact and radiating out through his skin from there. He heard a slight puff of breath escape Charlie’s lips and his own tongue flicked out to wet his lips.

He tore his gaze away with great difficulty. It was overwhelming being with this man and feeling so much, so quickly.

Charlie cleared his throat and went on: “How about you? Why did you choose teaching?”

“Well, I did this rugby camp for young kids when I was in secondary school. I was one of the camp counsellors and I just found that I really loved working with the kids. I loved helping them figure out how to do something, seeing their eyes light up when they did get it, and I want to be the safe space I didn’t have for queer kids in school. I’ve done the rugby camp three times now and I’ll probably do it again this summer.” Nick could feel himself get more animated than he normally would in conversation as he told Charlie about the rugby camp. It really had been such an incredible experience each time and he loved how he felt getting to teach kids how to play the game he loved.

Those camps had changed the trajectory of his life and he told Charlie as much.

“Before I did those camps, I really wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. I had planned to take a gap year to think it through. And then the camp happened and it was like a switch had flipped inside of me. I never found school to be particularly easy but working towards something I was excited about really helped get me in the zone to finish secondary and go to uni.

“You really should try rugby with us sometime. You said you like to run and rugby is full of running. I bet you’d be good!” Nick enthused, nudging Charlie as they walked and enjoying the spark between them at the casual touch.

“I love that your inspiration came from an unexpected place. You’ll be a great teacher, I’m sure, but there is no way I am trying out for the rugby team. I’ve seen your friends and I am definitely too small and weak to go up against anyone of their, or your, size.” Charlie said as he looked Nick up and down and winked.

Nick blushed at the wink, feeling like he was flying.

They walked around the park for about a half an hour, conversation flowing easily between them, before Nick led Charlie over to a bench by the skate park and they sat down next to each other. There was space on either side to spread out but it was obvious neither of them wanted to as they were enjoying each other's proximity.

Nick felt Charlie’s arm slide around his back, resting on the back of the bench, and the sparks he had felt when their hands brushed started to radiate out from where Charlie’s arm was touching him. He took a steadying breath and tried not to overthink it.

He’d never felt this level of physical connection with a date so quickly before. The electricity that seemed to spark between them anytime they touched was exciting but terrifying. How could he feel so much when he was only just scratching the surface of who Charlie was?

It was like staring down the side of a mountain, knowing he was going to tip over the edge at any moment and the momentum would make it impossible to stop. He felt his heart rate pick up as he contemplated the feeling. It couldn’t last, they were just uni students. Why would he bother with love if it never lasts?

He shook himself, who said anything about love? They were on a first date, for goodness sake.

“Charlie, would you want to go check out an arcade bar with me on Friday?” Nick turned, giving him a hopeful look, and was rewarded when Charlie quickly nodded his head at the suggestion.

“Yes! Yeah, I’d love to go to an arcade bar. Those games are a blast. I won’t be able to stay out late though, I’ve got a shift at the diner at 7am on Saturday.” He grimaced at that and Nick agreed with the sentiment. Weekends were the perfect time for a lie in and to decompress from the stress of uni.

“We used to go to this arcade by my house when I was in high school. It had everything - a bowling alley, a skate rink, arcade games, and a snack bar. Everything someone like me could want for his birthday. Frankly, it was the only cool thing to do for miles anyway where I grew up.” Charlie recalled with a fond smile, clearly seeing it in his head.

“We had one of those too! Not too far from where I lived in Rochester,” Nick exclaimed, “Though I didn’t end up there much due to having to keep up with school, plus rugby team outings…”

“You grew up in Rochester?? Nick, I grew up in Rochester. You didn’t go to Truham did you? I feel like I would have noticed you if you did,” Charlie said with a grin, and Nick blushed again. He hadn’t been out yet in secondary but maybe that would have been different if he’d met Charlie back then.

“No, I didn’t go to Truham, I went to St John’s for rugby. They were a specialist sports school in town. My mum used to drive me to school because it was too far to walk from where we lived on River Crescent,” Nick answered with a shrug.

“Nick, for god’s sake that’s like a 10 minute walk from my house. My family's house is on Britannia Road! Are you saying we could have met 5 years ago if you weren’t such a rugby lad??” Charlie laughed, doubling over for a moment, which removed his arm from behind Nick. It was silly but Nick felt the cold in the now vacant space and immediately wished for Charlie’s arm back, for those sparks to be back on his skin.

“Yeah, I suppose we could have met back then if I’d gone to Truham. Small world,” Nick chuckled and, instead of waiting for Charlie to put his arm back, slid his arm around to the back of the bench to get closer to Charlie.

“It’s getting a bit chilly out here, would you want to get a coffee or tea at Coffee on The Crescent? The walk would warm us up too!” Nick suggested, not quite ready to end his time with Charlie but seeing him shiver with the chilly air.

“Coffee would be great, let’s go,” Charlie agreed and stood from the bench, holding his hand out to Nick before he stood up. Nick looked up at Charlie, his heartbeat speeding up as his gaze locked onto the electric blue eyes of the man in front of him. Before he could think too hard about it, he reached up and accepted the proffered hand.

Charlie interlaced their fingers together once Nick was standing and they started off towards the coffee shop. The current between them was a near constant buzz for Nick as they slowly meandered their way through the park. He wondered if Charlie felt it too.

—

The coffee shop was bustling when they arrived. It was mid-morning now and more students were finally out of their uni accommodations and flats in search of breakfast and caffeine. They were intermingled with folks who were taking a quick break from work.

They joined the queue, hands still linked, and looked at the menu, discussing what they wanted.

“Nick, mate!” Nick turned at the sound of Sai’s voice. He hadn’t thought Sai would be here today. He was supposed to still be at his parents’ house for the weekend.

“And, Charlie!” Sai added as he approached them with a grin. Nick hoped they could avoid any ribbing from his friend. He meant well but Nick wasn’t up for having the bubble they’d created popped by crude humour.

“So good to see you again, mate!” Nick caught the moment Sai clocked their intertwined hands, his grin shifting to a slightly smug expression, and felt his cheeks heat up again. He was doing an awful lot of blushing today.

“Hey Sai, you’re back early,” Nick said by way of greeting, giving his friend a side hug without letting go of Charlie’s hand.

“Yep, my dad came down with flu and I can’t get ill with the match coming up this week so I decided it was best to head home this morning. I see you two are getting along swimmingly. Charlie, how’ve you been? Nick hasn’t been able to stop talking about you and your date. Has he behaved today?” Sai teased, mischief glinting in his eyes.

“Lay off it, Sai. I’ve been perfectly behaved and you know it,” Nick shot back, glaring at his friend in warning. Sai held up his hands in surrender.

“I’m doing well, Sai, thanks for asking,” Charlie interjected, “I hope your dad feels better soon but, you know, since we are on a date and you’re crashing…” He raised an eyebrow, clearly hoping Sai got the hint.

Sai laughed and held up his hands: “You’re cheeky, Charlie, I like it. Alright, I can take a hint. I’ll be going now but, Nick, I better hear all about this when you get home,” he yelled over his shoulder as he made his way back to his table. Nick didn’t recognise Sai’s table mates. Maybe a study group for a class.

“Well that was only slightly embarrassing.” Nick huffed, turning back to Charlie, his cheeks still flushed.

“You haven’t been able to stop talking about me, huh, Nicholas?” Charlie teased, with a wicked grin on his face. 

“I-uh, I…” Nick rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. If the ground could just swallow him up now, that would be great.

“Nick, I like it. It’s cute,” Charlie continued, squeezing his hand comfortingly.

“I-W-well, good, because now I’m really embarrassed. My friends can’t just leave well enough alone, can they?!” Nick groaned with frustration but then laughed at himself a bit. It was kind of funny and at least Charlie thought he was cute rather than creepy.

They ordered their drinks at the counter and continued to chat as they waited for them at the end. Nick was pretty sure Sai was keeping tabs on them and he could feel his friend's eyes land on him occasionally, but he tried to push that out of his mind.

Once they had their drinks, they stepped out to sit at the outdoor tables. Sipping the hot beverage seemed to help keep Charlie warm enough and the sun had peeked back out  too.

They chatted until their drinks were finished and the chill was starting to set in again. Charlie had scooched over to sit next to Nick and snuggle under his arm. He wasn’t shy to get close to Nick and that felt good. It was nice to be pursued rather than be expected to be the pursuer.

“Can I walk you back to your flat?” Charlie asked suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence between them. Nick looked at him for a moment and Charlie’s eyes widened.

“I-I didn’t mean it like that ! I have to go meet up with Tao, Elle, and Isaac for movie night anyway and I just thought it would give us a little more time before I had to go,” he rushed to clarify. He buried his face in his hands and groaned.

“Why am I like this??” He asked, clearly not expecting a response.

“I knew what you meant and, yeah, I’d like that,” Nick replied and attempted to pull Charlie’s hands from his face so Charlie could see that he was smiling. His hands slowly lowered to his lap and Nick dropped one before standing up and tugging Charlie with him.

“Come on, it’s this way!” Nick announced and started off back through the park, Charlie moving quickly to catch up to the hand that was tugging him forward.

“Slow down, you rugby idiot, this isn’t a race,” Charlie huffed with a laugh as he came up even with Nick, matching his stride. Nick slowed down, looking a bit chastised at being called out for his own excitement. Sometimes he couldn’t help himself. He thought it might be a lot like what a dog felt when it got the zoomies.

He was just so excited to have met Charlie and it had been such a good day - a good date really. He felt rebellious in the most wonderful way, like maybe this was the start of something good. It surprised him that the dread he’d come to expect wasn’t flowing up inside of him at the thought.

—

The walk back to his flat flew by- it seemed time distorted in strange ways when Nick was with Charlie. As they reached the door, Nick turned to say goodbye though he wished he didn’t have to.

“This is me,” he said softly, gesturing at the door to the building. “Thank you for walking me home. I had a ton of fun today and I can’t wait to go to the arcade on Friday.”

Charlie grinned and bounced on his toes a bit.

“I can’t wait for that either! I’m going to kick your arse, you know.” His grin turned cocky and Nick felt his knees go weak. Confident Charlie was hot .

“Who says I won’t whoop your ass?? I’m the reigning champion in Mario Kart with the guys,” Nick boasted, puffing out his chest to get a laugh out of Charlie. It worked but Charlie also seemed to suddenly be unable to stop staring at his chest, his eyes clearly roving over the muscles he could see there. Charlie blushed when he realised he’d been caught ogling.

“Well, we’ll just have to see. May the best Mario Kart racer win, I say!” Charlie retorted and then he stepped closer to Nick. He was so close that Nick could smell Charlie’s shampoo or maybe cologne. Whatever it was, it smelled of coconut and vanilla. He inhaled without thinking, his pulse starting to race as the electricity crackled between them.

Charlie looked up slightly to catch Nick’s gaze, seeming to hold him there with just a look, a question in his eyes.

“I… I’d really like to kiss you,” Charlie whispered, having got close enough that their lips were only a few inches apart.

“Yes, please,” Nick whispered back, anticipation crackling through his body from head to toe. He watched as long as he dared as Charlie started to lean in and closed his eyes just before their lips met.

If he thought the buzzing from their touch was intense, it was nothing compared to the fireworks that exploded in his brain at Charlie’s lips on his. Something about this man just did it for him. He felt his whole body react as he gasped and pulled Charlie closer, deepening the kiss without thinking. He felt Charlie nip at his lower lip, tugging lightly which dragged a groan out of him.

And then Charlie had him against the door of his building. Their hands wandered, breaths coming in gasps as they parted only to take gulps of air, and Nick felt Charlie flush against him, driving him wild. He pulled him as close as he could.

It’s like every nerve ending was enhanced, lit up at Charlie’s touch and Nick found himself happily drowning in the feeling.

Suddenly, Charlie stopped and stepped back, huffing, his eyes wild.

“I am so sorry, t-that was a lot,” he gasped out. Nick felt his brow crinkle in confusion. What was he sorry for? That was the best kiss Nick had ever had. He could have stayed there all day, though he doubted his neighbours or flatmates would have approved of them blocking the door.

“No, nope, you are not allowed to apologise to me for the best kiss I’ve ever had, thank you,” Nick declared, reaching out to run his thumb along Charlie’s cheek and cradle his face for a moment.

“That was hot and we should definitely do it again sometime,” Nick added for good measure. He leaned down, stopping just before he reached Charlie’s lips, waiting for a sign that this would be welcome. Charlie nodded and Nick closed the distance, kissing him chastely.

He pulled back again and fully stepped away.

“For now, you have a movie night to get to so… to be continued on Friday?” Nick inquired, wanting to confirm their plans.

“Yes, definitely to be continued on Friday. Thank you for a great first date, Nick. I had a wonderful morning with you,” Charlie agreed, squeezing Nick’s hand before starting back down the stairs towards the pavement.

“I had a great time, Charlie, and I already can’t wait to see you again.” 

Nick watched as Charlie walked off, waiting to go inside until he couldn’t pick the dark curls out among the pedestrians along the road. As he closed the door to his flat, he leaned back against it and touched his lips, enjoying the lingering buzzing in his body.

Charlie had kissed him and Nick still felt like he was flying. He couldn’t wait to see him again and prayed the anxious side of his mind would keep quiet.

Chapter Text

Mine - Taylor Swift

Flash forward, and we're taking on the world together,

And there's a drawer of my things at your place,

You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded,

You say we'll never make my parent's mistakes.

January

Charlie groaned and rolled over as a strip of light through the curtains illuminated the room. He wasn’t used to waking up with the sun. It wouldn’t ever be this bright in his dorm this early thanks to blackout curtains he kept firmly closed when he went to bed. He was decidedly not a morning person.

When he cracked an eye open to glare at the offending light, he got a vision full of bright hazel eyes, a lopsided smile, and adorably rumpled blond hair. Nick definitely was a morning person and sometimes it was annoying but, mostly, it was endearing. If Charlie had to be up, at least he got to wake up to Nick’s gorgeous face this morning. That was a pleasant way to greet an early start.

“Good morning, darling,” Nick whispered, leaning forward and kissing Charlie in a leisurely way. Over the last few months they had gotten used to morning breath and rumpled hair. Charlie swore sometimes that Nick preferred him like this, grumpy and barely awake. Like he found it cute, or something.

“Mmhmm…” was all Charlie could manage. His vocal cords weren’t awake yet and likely wouldn’t be until he had enough coffee in him. His eyes slid closed again, but he heard Nick roll out of bed and rustle around for clothes so he could be decent when he left his room to make said coffee for Charlie and tea for himself.

Charlie rolled over again, pulling the covers over his head to block out the light and heard Nick chuckle at his antics.

He listened as Nick padded around the room for a moment before he felt him stop on his side of the bed. He felt a hand grab the covers and slowly tug them down enough to reveal Charlie’s face. He could feel Nick’s breath against his cheek and then his lover pressed a soft kiss there. Charlie smiled and grumbled slightly at the intrusion.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes with coffee, Char.” And then he was gone and Charlie heard the soft click of the door closing before he lifted the covers back over his head to hide himself in the dark again.

—

Nick stepped out of his room quietly - his heart felt so full when he got to wake up next to Charlie. It was nothing and everything to open his eyes to his adorable, grumpy face. He hadn’t realised falling in love could feel like this -joyful, thrilling, calming, and absolutely terrifying. In this moment though, he felt that calm infusing his entire being.

He padded to the kitchen where he found Otis with the kettle on. His friend looked up when he entered the room and smiled at him.

“Hey man, how was the rest of your evening? You and Charlie didn’t stay out too long,” he asked and Nick nodded.

“Yeah, it was a long week for both of us and we just couldn’t find it in ourselves to stay longer. We passed out almost as soon as we got home,” Nick replied, patting Otis on the back on his way past to the coffee maker.

“Really? You passed out as soon as you got home?” Otis quirked an eyebrow at him sceptically. Nick blushed and pointedly ignored his friend’s implications. He wasn’t required to disclose what he and Charlie did when no one was around and so he wouldn’t.

“Alright, fine, keep your secrets. Not like it’s not obvious anyway. You two can’t keep your hands off each other for more than 5 minutes at a time, even with people around,” Otis said with a laugh and a shake of his head. He pulled three mugs from the cabinet, dropped two off next to Nick and kept one for himself for his tea. The kettle started to whistle.

Otis removed it from the hob and switched it off.

“Things going well then?” He inquired softly. “With Charlie I mean?”

Otis looked at him but Nick kept his focus on the coffee maker as he ground the beans and filled it with water before starting it brewing.

“Uh… yeah, things are good. Really good, honestly. But, ya know, don’t jinx it or he’ll realise what an idiot I am and leave me next week, I’m sure.” Nick forced a laugh and then cleared his throat. He’d meant to pass it off as a joke but even he didn’t think he’d been successful. He kept his gaze down as he fiddled with the mugs, waiting for the coffee to brew.

“Nick…” Otis started but was interrupted by Chris stumbling into the kitchen groaning.

“Lads, I’ve got to stop drinking so much at those after parties. This is fucking hell and I’ve got class today. I can barely see straight,” He complained. Otis and Nick glanced at each other and rolled their eyes. It was clearly Chris’s fault. He had full control over how much he drank and yet he ended up like this more often than not at the rugby game after parties.

“Chris, we’ve had this conversation like 15 times at this point, mate. Do we need to have an intervention and get you sober for a bit? Would that help?” Nick asked, pulling a fourth mug from the cabinet for his hungover friend and digging into the drawer opposite the coffee maker for the paracetamol. He handed the bottle to Chris, poured him a mug of coffee, and shooed him over to one of the bar stools at their kitchen island.

“Honestly, maybe I do need to go cold turkey for a while. I’m going to fail if I don’t get my shit together and my parents would murder me if that happened.” Chris rested his head on his hand, looking despondent.

“You know we’ll do whatever we can to help, yeah?” Otis offered.

“We could skip the after-party next week and have a Mario Kart tourney instead?” Nick suggested as he poured Charlie’s mug of coffee and then started on his own mug of tea. Chris looked thoughtful at the idea, took a deep breath, and then nodded.

“Yeah, mate, that’s a good idea. Let’s do it.” He looked around the kitchen and seemed confused for a moment.

“Has anyone seen Sai? Did he make it home last night?”

“Actually, he didn’t!” Otis advised, his expression one of curiosity. “I texted him when I left and he said not to wait up, that he probably wouldn’t be home.”

The three lads looked at each other for a moment, considering if any of them had noticed anything odd about him last night. Sai was the most responsible out of the three of them. He had never spent an entire night away from the flat after going out to one of the rugby team after-parties.

Otis shrugged. “I’m sure he’ll tell us when he’s ready. I gotta get ready for class, I’ll see you guys later tonight?”

Nick and Chris nodded and Otis took his mug of tea and went back to his room. Nick picked up the mugs he had put together and left Chris to nurse his hangover. He had to set one of the mugs down on a small side table in their hallway to open his bedroom door and then he was back in the cosy space of his room.

He could still see the lump that was Charlie in his bed under the covers. He didn’t move when Nick entered and he thought Charlie had probably fallen back asleep in the time he’d been gone. God, he loved this man.

Nick froze at the thought and felt panic rise up in his chest. His mind flashed back to the kitchen, it was only a matter of time before Charlie realises what an idiot he is and leaves him. He was probably right. His hands shook and he had the thought to set the mugs down on his desk so he didn’t spill the drinks he had just made. He took a breath, trying to push the panic back down. Nick couldn’t love Charlie, it was too much, too soon.

The last few months had been incredible. They made each other laugh, they supported each other through the stress of uni, their friends got along, and Nick just generally felt right around Charlie. But… love, that was a feeling that only brought hurt, loss, loneliness, and disappointment.

Charlie stirred in his sleep and Nick’s head snapped up to look at him again. If he woke up now, Nick wouldn’t be able to hide the panic he knew was probably clear on his face. He had never been good at hiding his emotions. It was something Noah had found endearing at first and later had told him was too much. His dad had told him he needed to toughen up and be a man because he was always too much.

Nick watched as Charlie stretched and slowly sat up, the covers falling from his head and torso.

“I can smell the coffee. It’s calling my name, Nick,” Charlie started, finally opening his eyes and taking in Nick standing next to his desk, frozen with eyes wide, breaths coming fast.

“Whoa, Nick, what’s happened? Are you okay?” Charlie scrambled out of bed towards Nick, stopping next to him and slowly reaching out, giving Nick time to react if he didn’t want to be touched, and, when no hesitation was forthcoming, placed his hand gently on Nick’s arm. He started rubbing soothing circles there.

Nick didn’t know how to say what was happening to him. His breathing had picked up and he felt dizzy. It was like all the thoughts were crowding his brain, all the ways this was going to implode. He was too much. He was always too much. He heard himself gasping but it felt like someone else - like he was watching from outside of himself.

“Nick, baby, breathe with me, okay? Follow my voice and my breathing. Breathe in for one… two… three…” Charlie breathed with the count and Nick tried to shift his focus to the words and follow Charlie’s instructions.

“Now out for one… two… three… Okay, in for one… two… three… and out for one… two… three…” Charlie had moved his hand from Nick’s arm to his back and there were soothing circles being rubbed into his tense muscles. He struggled to keep to Charlie’s time at first but slowly he felt himself start to come back into his body, his breathing starting to even out with the count.

Once he seemed with his faculties enough to move, Charlie led him to the bed and gently pushed him to sit down at the edge. He stepped in front of him, between his legs, and wrapped his arms around Nick, holding him tightly against his chest.

Nick breathed in Charlie’s scent, that coconut and vanilla he had grown to associate with his favourite person, and his heart rate continued to slow to a more normal pace.

Nick wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but eventually they pulled apart just enough so Charlie could look at him. His gaze was gentle but clearly worried. Nick hadn’t had a panic attack in front of Charlie yet so it was no wonder he looked concerned. Nick sighed, tilting his head back and closing his eyes.

“I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have had to deal with that,” he mumbled, heat creeping up into his face. Having panic attacks was one thing, those weren’t new to Nick. Forcing Charlie to deal with it, to see Nick in that state was unacceptable.

“Hey, no , no sorries. Nick, look at me,” Charlie implored, his voice quiet but firm. Nick opened his eyes to find only kindness staring back at him. He felt tears pool in his eyes and blinked them back. How could Charlie feel kindness towards him after witnessing his failure to manage his own feelings?

“You having a panic attack does not warrant an apology. I want to know when you’re feeling like this. If you’re having a bad day or if there is anything I can do to make things less stressful, cheering you up. I’m your boyfriend, Nick, and I… I really care about you.” Charlie smiled at Nick, cupping his face in his hands as he spoke, wiping away the tears that were now rolling down his cheeks without his permission.

Charlie leaned down and kissed him softly and with such care he thought his heart might just give up right then and there.

Charlie was so good and Nick couldn’t believe this man had chosen him of all people. He reached his arms around Charlie and laid back on the bed, pulling him down on top of his chest.

“Nick!” Charlie squealed with surprise and then he giggled and Nick melted at the sound. He pulled his head back a bit to catch Charlie’s eye.

“Thank you,” he whispered, a feeling of vulnerability creeping over him again as he looked into Charlie’s eyes, his expression open.

“You’re welcome, baby. I meant what I said. I want to know when you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed. I want to be there for you.” He paused, seeming to hesitate for a moment before Nick saw his expression change to one of determination.

“Do you… want to talk about it?”

Nick sucked in a breath. He had been hoping to avoid that conversation and just shove down what had triggered the panic attack so he could get back to how the morning had started.

“You don’t have to,” Charlie rushed to say, “but I promise you can tell me anything and I’m not going anywhere. I know how much it can help to get things off your chest, believe me.”

Nick knew this to be true. Charlie had disclosed his eating disorder early on to Nick - especially because often when folks went on dates, they chose a restaurant as an “easy” option. Charlie had felt it was easier to just tell Nick why he’d prefer they didn’t go out to restaurants as a default for their dates and, ultimately, it had made it easier. They had been able to plan cute dates that didn’t revolve around food and it had felt very relaxed and joyful for both of them.

Later, when Charlie had bad days with food, Nick had learned how to support him and, when Charlie was feeling good he had told Nick about his inpatient stay during secondary and now ongoing therapy that helped him stay on top of things. If anyone knew about how to get through something impacting his mental health, it would be Charlie.

Nick took a deep breath, trying to settle his rapid pulse but to no avail. This was going to be hard but he trusted Charlie. He felt that in his bones that, somehow, he could trust Charlie.

“Okay, yeah, I- I’d like to talk about it. I just… I’m not sure I know how to talk about it.” Nick sat up, scooching back to sit against the headboard, and scrubbing his hands through his hair. He looked up as Charlie got up from the bed and grabbed their drinks from the desk. They had probably cooled considerably by now but tea always helped Nick feel calmer, so he was grateful when Charlie handed him his mug.

“That’s okay,” Charlie said as he took a seat next to Nick with his mug in his hand. “How about starting with what triggered the panic attack?”

Nick considered this but he wasn’t quite ready to share the exact thought that had started the spiral. He could, however, share what he had felt while he spiralled. He let himself think through how to best relay that without accidentally telling Charlie he loved him. He couldn’t do that yet. It was too soon.

“I-I really like you, Charlie, and I think it hit me really hard in that moment. I walked in and I could see you under the covers. You had clearly fallen back asleep and I just felt so much - like this balloon in my chest of joy but then my brain started reminding me…” He stopped for a second, hesitating. If he said this, there was no going back. Charlie would know and maybe he would agree. Nick swallowed the thought and pushed forward.

“It just brought up all the feelings I have that I am too much. That you would think I am too much and, if not now, eventually, you would break up with me because of it.” He could see Charlie’s mouth open to protest and he cut him off.

“Do you remember how I told you I dated a man here called Noah?” 

Charlie closed his mouth and nodded, watching Nick carefully.

“Well, I think I told you that he and I dated for about 10 months. It was going really well, I thought, for the first 6 months or so. We got on really well and, around that 6 month mark, I realised I was starting to fall in love with him. I… you’ve probably noticed that I’m not the best at hiding how I feel.” 

Charlie chuckled at that and nodded. “It’s one of the things I really like about you!”

“Well, so did Noah. At least, he said he did. He used to tell me I was like an open book and it was so refreshing compared to his exes. He never had to guess where he stood with me. But, around the time I realised I was starting to fall for him, he started to change. I didn’t see it at the time but, looking back, I realised that the two coincided.” Nick took a sip of his tea, relishing the way it warmed his belly and how it radiated out from there. It soothed him as he dredged up the memories of that time in his life.

“It happened gradually. Starting with our texts. He stopped texting me back as quickly as he used to. I thought it was because we had gotten into a busy season with uni and when I asked him, that’s what he said too. Uni was stressful and he needed to focus on his school work. Then it started to bleed into our time together. He started to make excuses to cancel our plans. We went from seeing each other a couple of times a week to once a week, to once every two weeks.” Nick squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, a dull ache filling his chest as he remembered how it had felt. The confusion and worry he had gone through when Noah had started to pull away from him.

“He was pulling away but every time we talked, he acted like everything was normal. He was busy with uni, with tennis practice, with his study group, his friends or family needed him. It always sounded legitimate but something felt off. We could have done some of those things together. It’s not like I needed to see him every day but once every few weeks wasn’t enough.”

“This went on for months. I did everything I could to make things easy on him since he was telling me he was so stressed. I would even bake him treats and bring them to his dorm. He often wasn’t there but I’d drop them off with his roommate at the time. He always gave me a strange look when I came by but I didn’t think much of it either at the time. I figured he didn’t know me very well so that was probably why.” Nick finished off his tea and wrapped his arms around himself. He hated this part. He heard Charlie set down his mug and then felt him wrap an arm around his shoulders, leaning their foreheads together.

“I got you, baby. You’re doing great,” he whispered, pressing a chaste kiss to Nick’s cheek. Nick felt tears prick his eyes again but he blinked them back. Noah didn’t deserve anymore of his tears, he’d cried enough in the aftermath.

“We were supposed to meet up for dinner on a Friday in early May. The weather was turning for the better, finally, and I was excited for us to have some dedicated time together again. I hadn’t seen him in two weeks and the last time we’d seen each other we’d gotten into a fight. I can’t even remember what we fought about at this point.”

“I got dressed, sent him a text that I was on my way, and walked over to the restaurant. I got us a table and I waited. I had been a little early in my excitement to see him but when the agreed upon time came and went, I texted him to ask him when he’d get there. He, uh, he didn’t answer. I started to worry - what if something had happened to him and he was in an A&E somewhere, unable to call me? I waited another half an hour and then I called him. It went straight to voicemail. I tried again but got the same result. I texted him to say I was worried and asked if he was okay.” Nick felt Charlie squeeze him again gently, reminding him that he was there.

“I waited over an hour and then I left. I was worried sick. I started to look up the nearest A&E from his dorm as I was pretty sure that’s where he would have been coming from. When I got back to my flat, having decided to make the trek to the A&E once I had grabbed a jacket and updated my friends, I found Sai, Otis, and Chris in the kitchen waiting for me.” Nick felt the tears spill over as much as he tried to hold them back. It was just so unfair, all of it had been so unfair.

“On our kitchen island was a box of my stuff and, finally, I got it. All of that but I finally realised what had happened. They all had the same look of pity on their faces and I just couldn’t deal, so I turned right back around and I left before they could stop me. I wasn’t thinking about where I was walking and next thing I knew, I was in front of his dorm room door. I thought about leaving but something stopped me.” The tears were falling fast now and he felt Charlie lean away, heard him grab a tissue, and then he was back and offering the tissue to Nick.

He smiled a watery smile and took the tissue, wiping his face. He was past embarrassment now and full on in his feelings. He couldn’t pull himself back from this now.

“Before I could knock, the door swung open and there was Noah in just his pants, mid-laugh looking back at another man practically naked in his tangled up sheets. I wanted to run, but I felt rooted to the spot and Noah caught sight of me when he turned around. He looked at me with such disgust, like we’d never been anything at all.” Nick sniffled but the tears had slowed. This was where the anger started to kick in because what had he ever done to deserve this? He had yet to figure that out.

“He introduced me to Ray and then asked me what I was doing there. Like he was surprised. Like he wasn’t supposed to be at dinner with me right at that moment. I was so… angry, finally. It was the first strong emotion I had felt since the numbness had taken over when I had realised he was dumping me by ghosting me. And so I asked him why.” Nick laughed a bitter laugh as his mind brought back up what Noah had said to him.

“He proceeded to tell me that we had had our fun and that it had been a good time for him but that’s all it was and that my feelings about him were too much for him. He couldn’t handle how ‘ clearly lovesick ’ I was over him and he felt it was best we go our separate ways before anyone got hurt.” Nick scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“As if I wasn’t already hurting! He had the audacity to tell me that if I had just been able to keep it casual, not let my feelings take over, we could still be together. I couldn’t listen to any more of that, so I turned and left. I walked the campus for ages afterwards - I couldn’t even tell you where I’d gone exactly. Sai, Chris, and Otis came looking for me but it took them hours to find me, sitting on a bench in Woodhouse Moor, staring off into the distance. They said it took them a solid five minutes for me to acknowledge they were there and another 10 minutes to coax me up so they could get me home.”

“What an absolute wanker,” Charlie spat out. His anger was tangible, and Nick basked in the knowledge that Charlie understood him in that moment. Nick had been so angry afterwards and so devastatingly sad as well. But he didn’t get the whole picture and he would soon. Nick took a deep breath and gave Charlie the final piece of the puzzle.

“The thing is, Noah was only confirming to me things I already knew. I had learned this lesson before with my dad. That is a long and sad story but my parents were divorced when I was five years old. Even so, my dad left a lasting impression on me. He has told me my entire life that I need to toughen up. That I’m too soft, that I feel too much. Part of me knows that’s one of the reasons he left. Just like with Noah, I was too much for him .” Nick whispered the last bit, his heart cracking again as he felt his own self-loathing drag him under.

“It’s just all too much, Charlie. I like you so much, but now you know that eventually you’ll see all of me and you’ll come to the same conclusion. I drive the people I love away and I can’t do it again. I can’t .” His voice cracked on the last word and Nick buried his face in his hands. He didn’t want to see the look on Charlie’s face. How could he stay with him knowing what he knew now? He braced himself for what he was sure was coming - the beginning of the end.

“Nick, thank you for sharing that with me, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

Charlie tugged at Nick’s hands and Nick let him pull them away from his face. He looked up at Charlie who was looking at him fondly, that determined expression back on his face.

“Look, clearly your father and Noah are wankers, sorry, and I am not going to base my choices off of their idiocy.” His tone brooked no argument. It was clear that he meant what he said and Nick felt overwhelmed again, though this time it was a happy overwhelm.

“I can’t promise it’s going to be perfect or that we’ll be perfect all the time but I really like you, Nick, and I want to keep seeing you. Do… do you want to keep seeing me?” Charlie asked and suddenly his expression looked more worried than determined, hesitation creeping into his tone.

“ Yes , obviously!” Nick blurted out. Of course he wanted to be with Charlie. Charlie was his favourite person. He was right, it would never be perfect, they were human after all but Charlie wanted to be with Nick, even after knowing that he felt too much.

They both laughed, their foreheads leaning together again as they shared the same air for a moment. Charlie leaned in and kissed Nick and it was everything . Nick felt himself light up, the current between them stronger than ever and spreading from his lips through his skin and straight to his heart.

He buried his hand into the curls at the back of Charlie’s head and pulled him closer, needing to feel him everywhere. His other hand roamed from Charlie’s cheek, down his collar bone, to his rib cage, and down to his hip before dragging him onto Nick’s lap as tongues explored mouths.

The relief Nick felt was like being weightless and Charlie was tethering him to the world. His whole body was tingling with it and he groaned as Charlie ground down on his lap, both of them growing hard at the sensation and desire coursing through them. He didn’t think there was any way to get as close to Charlie as he wanted to in that moment. He wanted them to merge into one being, live within each other for always.

Charlie seemed to be having similar feelings as he pushed himself as close to Nick as he could get as they slid down further onto the bed and were pressed together from head to toe, tangling in the sheets.

They had to go to class in the afternoon but this came first.

—

“Charlie?” Nick mumbled, his face pressed into Charlie’s bare chest.

“Yeah?” Charlie whispered back, squeezing Nick against him.

“I was thinking I could clear out some space in my dresser for some of your stuff. You know, so you don’t have to run home or pack a bag every time you’re here before going to class or work. Would you… would you be interested in doing that?” Nick tilted his head up to see Charlie’s face. He was sure his expression looked as blissed out as he felt. He looked down at Nick fondly. This man was such a teddy bear and he could feel himself falling for him.

“I- yeah, I think that would be great. I can do the same so when you stay over you don’t have to come back here just to turn around and go to class and what not.”

Nick grinned and tucked his face back into Charlie’s chest. He hummed happily and kissed the skin closest to his lips. Charlie wiggled at the sensation and Nick did it again. A giggle escaped his lips and he signed happily. He hated that Nick had been through all of that with his ex and his father and he understood how that had impacted Nick now. It gave a lot of context around how Nick thought about himself and spoke about himself. He took a few extra minutes to snuggle with Nick, relishing the feeling of holding him close and being in their own cocoon, before he started to disentangle them reluctantly.

“I really wish I didn’t have to but my class is in an hour and I need to get up and get ready,” Charlie said as Nick groaned at his movements.

They separated slowly and Charlie grabbed his overnight bag before popping into the loo. He got ready quickly and switched places with Nick so he could get ready too. They packed up in comfortable silence together and made their way out of the flat - waving goodbye to Sai and Otis, since they were quietly chatting on the couch in their living room.

As they got outside, Charlie put a hand on Nick’s arm.

“Nick, thank you for telling me all of that today - for trusting me. I know I said it earlier but I know how difficult that can be and I’m really proud of you. I hope it helped to get it off your chest. You can talk to me anytime, you know?”

Nick took a deep breath and then smiled down at Charlie. He nodded.

“Yeah, I really do. It did help so thank you for listening and for still wanting to be with me. I… maybe I need to see a therapist?” His tone tilted into a question at the end and he looked uncertain.

“I’ve found it really helpful! But it’s totally up to you. I’ll support whatever you decide,” Charlie answered and hugged his boyfriend tightly. He didn’t want to let go but the clock marched on and he had to go to class.

“Want to do the pub quiz on Friday?” Knowing what he knew now, he thought it might be helpful to make a set plan to see each other in a couple days time. He was proven right when he saw Nick’s face light up at the suggestion.

“Yes, Char, I would love that! Can we invite the guys and Tao and Isaac and Elle? We’d make a proper team if we got them all on board!”

Charlie laughed and agreed, promising to text Tao, Isaac, and Elle on his way to class. He leaned up and pressed his lips to Nick’s, his heart rate spiking at just this relatively chaste contact. He was so gone for this man. They got caught up in the kiss and were a bit out of breath when they separated.

Nick chuckled and shook his head as though he was trying to clear it. Charlie understood the feeling. They didn’t let go of each other until they absolutely had to but it wasn’t long before Charlie was on his own, headed to the English building. He turned back once only to see Nick had done the same. They waved to each other as they laughed at their antics.

It had been an emotional morning but Charlie felt closer to Nick now than he had when they had woken up. He was falling in love and, while it was scary, he couldn’t shake the exhilaration that was budding inside his chest.

Chapter Text

Mine - Taylor Swift

But we got bills to pay,

We got nothing figured out,

When it was hard to take,

Yes, yes, this is what I thought about,

Do you remember, we were sitting there, by the water?,

You put your arm around me for the first time,

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter,

You're the best thing that's ever been mine

March

“Fine, be a prick about it! I’m going home, we can talk tomorrow,” Charlie shouted, angrily shoving on his shoes and storming out the door. It slammed on the way out and Nick winced. The anger was starting to subside but fuck that was a bit shit.

It’s not like Nick didn’t get it, the stress Charlie was under. But Nick was stressed as fuck too. Uni exams were around the corner, he was trying to keep up with the revision but his brain just didn’t want to focus that long and that often. There was so much to juggle between rugby, school, his friends, and his boyfriend. He was exhausted. Everything felt overwhelming right now and when Charlie had come over, fuming, because Nick had forgotten about their plans, he just snapped.

He had apologised but it had probably been more half-arsed than anything. So much had gone wrong today that led to that moment, but he hadn’t handled it well. He personally knew how much it hurt to be stood up– even if it had been an accident.

Nick turned back towards the kitchen wondering if he should go after Charlie and apologise.

“Mate, you alright?” Nick jumped, startled when Sai’s voice piped up from the living room.

“Fuck,” he gasped, jumping a bit in surprise, “I didn’t see you there.”

Nick hesitated but pretty quickly decided he might as well talk to Sai about it. 

“Uh… I’m not sure. I fucked up and I definitely didn’t handle that very well. We’re both stressed and I think it just got to us. He said we’ll talk tomorrow. Maybe the space until tomorrow will do us some good?” Nick answered as he continued towards the kitchen.

He grabbed the kettle, filled it with enough water for his flatmates in case any of them wanted a cuppa, and started it up. Sai followed him into the room and grabbed mugs from the cabinet for the two of them.

He turned and leaned against the counter with his arms folded, watching as Nick grabbed some small plates and piled some biscuits on each of them. “Want to talk about it?”

“Yeah, probably, but I just need a minute right now. Distract me, what have you been up to lately? I haven’t seen you, Otis, or Chris, for more than a few moments in passing in the flat over the past week.”

“I think exams are kicking all of our arses right now,” Sai grumbled, stifling a yawn. Nick looked at him properly for the first time that day. Sai looked exhausted too. There were dark circles under his eyes, his hair looked like he’d been tugging at it all day, and his clothes were rumpled. Nick had been so caught up in his own stuff, he hadn’t thought about the fact that all of them were struggling to keep up.

“Ain’t that the truth.” He agreed.

“I did get some time to see Imogen yesterday. We went to see that new horror film at the cinema and got dinner afterwards. It was hard to walk away from the revision, I was worried I’d get behind, but I came back after seeing her feeling more recharged and ready to get back to the books.” Sai mused.

“The break helped for a while. Something to be said about giving your brain a break to catch up and rest. Sadly, I’ve spent the last 8 hours doing my revision and I’m back where I was, feeling like I’m losing my mind.”

The kettle started to whistle and Nick pulled it off the hob. He poured the water and they sat at the island countertop on the barstools letting the tea steep.

Nick looked over at Sai, “Where are you at with exams? I’ve only got two left so it should be wrapped in the next two days.”

“Yeah, there is that. I’ve only got one left and it’s tomorrow so I just need to push through until then. After that, I think I’ll just get in bed for a few days to catch up on sleep,” Sai replied and then took a sip of his tea. His shoulders seemed to release some tension at that first sip of the warm beverage. Tea cured all .

Nick laughed, “Noted, I won’t knock on your door for a few days after so I don’t interrupt your beauty sleep.”

“Appreciate it, mate.” Sai acknowledged with a nod of his head.

Feeling a little calmer, Nick told Sai about his fight with Charlie; how he had forgotten his phone at home which was followed up by a comedy of errors throughout the day that had led to him missing their lunch date. Charlie had been so worried about him.

Nick dropped his head into his hands, “it was a complete accident though. I would never do that on purpose - I know what that feels like. I love Charlie. He means the world to me. And yet, instead of being understanding of his frustration, I snapped at him. I had just struggled through several hours of maths revision and I was really frustrated at myself but I let it out at him.”

“Man, that’s rough, and it does sound like you owe him an apology, though maybe he owes you a small one too, for coming in here and yelling at you right off the bat. Not really the best approach.” Sai observed, patting Nick on the back.

Nick tilted back his mug and looked at it. It wasn’t even his mug, it was Charlie’s. There was a big blue C on it and Nick had bought it for him when they had been meandering through a local market to match the one Nick had brought to uni from his childhood home with a yellow N on it.

—

It had been a beautiful day: they had woken up slowly together, Nick had made breakfast for them both, and they had strolled to the market in the temperate late morning weather. The market had been full of queer artists, writers, and creators and there had been so much to see. Nick didn’t have much money, as a broke uni student, but his dad had given him some guilt money over the years and he rarely ever spent it, so he had purchased a book on bisexuality, a small painting, and the mug for Charlie.

Charlie had lit up at the market and ended up in multiple animated conversations with some of the artists. He was so curious about their process, how they viewed their art, and what it meant to them. Nick hadn’t been able to take his eyes away from Charlie for more than a few seconds at a time all throughout the market–he was captivating, his passion for what they had found there was sexy as hell.

When they got home, he pinned Charlie to his bedroom door and made sure he knew how just sexy Nick thought he was. He felt the flush of heat infuse his skin as he recalled the details of that particular afternoon.

Charlie deserved all of the affection Nick could give, always.

Nick came back to himself, realising he had probably been sitting there silently with Sai for a while at this point. He turned but Sai had already gone. Probably went back for more studying.

Nick pulled out his phone and clicked on his photos app. He scrolled slowly through the thumbnails, watching as his life unfolded backwards in front of his eyes. There were a lot of Charlie, of their friends, with Nick’s dogs scattered throughout from when he went home to visit his mom. There were a lot of smiles and moments mid-laugh.

He stopped at one that made his heart feel too big in his chest. It was of Charlie, of course, and he was sitting in Nick’s kitchen with an empty plate in front of him, smiling softly at the camera. There were crumbs on the plate along with a fork and knife. Clearly, a finished meal.

Nick could see that moment in his mind's eye like it had been yesterday. When, in fact, it had been almost 2 months ago. Charlie had been having a bad food day. He had texted Nick around 11 am saying he was having a hard time and had asked if Nick would come hold him.

That had been an easy yes, but when Nick got  there, he hadn’t quite been prepared for what he had found.

Charlie had been in his dorm room bed, covers over his head, blackout curtains pulled completely which left the room nearly pitch black. Nick had turned on the torch on his phone and let the door close behind him before going to gingerly sit on the edge of Charlie’s bed.

When Nick had laid a hand, over the covers, on Charlie’s inert form, Charlie had let out a sob. Nick had turned the torch off and asked if Charlie would let Nick hold him.

He hadn’t brought his face out of the covers but Nick heard him whisper a small, tremulous yes. Nick had pulled off his shoes along with his jeans and then pulled back the covers enough that he could slide in with Charlie.

He had pulled Charlie into his chest and Charlie had put his arms around Nick’s back, his long fingers digging into his muscles and holding on as if he were drowning.

Nick had carded his fingers through Charlie’s messy curls, taking calm, slow breaths, and letting his other hand rub soothing lines up and down Charlie’s back. Nick didn’t know how long they laylaid there but Charlie sniffled and slowly shifted his face up to peek at Nick before whispering that the voices were being particularly mean today.

That nothing had felt edible, nothing had felt like the ‘right choice’ when it came to food ever since he’d woken up that day. It was all wrong in his head.

Nick had squeezed him tightly, hoping all of his feelings of love were making it to Charlie.

“I got you, Char. Your brain can rest now, we can rest now,” Nick had whispered back, giving his boyfriend a chaste kiss and then pulling him back in. They had drifted to sleep for a while, tangled in the sheets together.

When they had awoken, Charlie had quietly told Nick that the meanness was subsiding, still present but more bearable. He asked if they could go to Nick’s house so he could shower there and they could watch a movie. Nick had agreed immediately. The walk over had been quiet but they’d been in contact in some way the entire time–hands held, lips to temple or hair, arms around waists, shoulders brushing.

Charlie had showered and then cuddled up with Nick for Pirates of the Caribbean, something neither one of them had needed to think about.

When the movie ended, Charlie had looked at Nick and asked him if he would make them dinner–his eyes wary but hopeful. Nick had easily agreed and had made a few safe food suggestions for Charlie to choose from.

Making the meal had taken about an hour and Charlie had assisted in the kitchen as Nick cooked, helping grab ingredients and prepare them. They had chatted the whole way through about their classes and their friends. It had been easy and warm together, a safe space to just be themselves and nourish each other together.

Nick remembers so clearly the transformation in Charlie’s demeanour as they cooked. The tension slowly leaked out of his body as they distracted his brain with the idle chit-chat about their lives.

The conversation had continued as they sat down to their meal and Nick was careful not to watch Charlie eat as he knew that wouldn’t help him. When they had finished, Charlie had turned to Nick, his voice much stronger now, and had thanked him for coming over and caring for him that morning. The awe and love in his voice had struck Nick like lightning.

“I love you, Charlie Spring,” had come out before he’d had a chance to think it through.

“Y-you love me?” He had asked in a low, uncertain voice.

“I really, really do, Char. You're my favourite person and I love you,” Nick replied fervently, taking Charlie’s hand in his and rubbing gentle circles there. Charlie met his gaze and seemed to see something in Nick’s eyes that convinced him because his face had lit up like the sun.

“I love you, too, Nick.” Three little words on a really difficult day and they had felt settled. Nick had taken a photo not long after, so he could always look back at the love in their eyes at that moment.

—

Nick switched from his photos app to his messaging app and clicked on the thread with Charlie. The last 10 texts in the thread were from Charlie, asking if Nick was okay, if he needed to worry, the tone becoming more frantic the longer Nick hadn’t responded.

He tried to ignore those and instead crafted a text to Charlie.

Nick:

I am so sorry. I love you so much, Char, and I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I know you know I’ve been in that position and I know how it feels to be worried sick about someone you love. I want to and will apologise sincerely in person too but I just needed you to know.  I’ll see you tomorrow. 💗

The message went from delivered to read almost immediately.

Charlie:

i’m sorry for yelling at you

i was so worried that something had happened to you but i didn’t handle it well either 

i love you too and we’ll talk tomorrow 🥰

Nick let out a sigh of relief. It felt like something loosened in his chest that he hadn’t realised had been knotted up since Charlie had stormed out. They were okay, they’d make it through and they’d talk tomorrow. He was so grateful they could talk to each other. Maybe they weren’t perfect but they didn’t have to be.

Chapter Text

Mine - Taylor Swift

Do you remember, all the city lights on the water?

You saw me start to believe, for the first time,

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter,

You're the best thing, that's ever been mine

May

Nick looked over at Charlie as he settled into the seat next to him. Their train would be departing shortly out to Rochester, where they’d be visiting Nick’s mum, Nellie, and Henry for the weekend. Nick was a mix of excited and nervous about his mum and Charlie meeting in person for the first time.

Sure, they’d seen each other and chatted briefly when Nick had been on FaceTime calls with his mum over the last few months but this was the real test. Would they get along? Would his mum like Charlie? What if she didn’t?

He thought his mum would be happy so long as whoever he brought to meet her was kind to Nick, but he could be wrong.

“Nick?” Charlie’s voice interrupted his thoughts and he came back to himself in the train car. Charlie was looking at him with concern and he realised he’d been staring at Charlie for that entire mini-spiral. He needed to stay focused.

“Sorry,” he replied with an exhale, shaking his head, “I’m just nervous about today.”

Charlie reached over and took Nick’s hand, his fingers tracing Nick’s freckles absentmindedly. They both felt the train slowly start to move and Nick exhaled. Charlie’s touch soothed him, the worry fading a bit at the feeling.

“No sorries. You are allowed to feel nervous about your mum meeting your boyfriend for the first time, you know. I am very likely going to feel the same or even more nervous when my mum meets you. Not so much because of you. She’s just… a lot and it’s hard to be around her in normal circumstances. She might scare you off!” he joked, and Nick chuckled.

“No way, Char. She’s going to love me! I’ve always been good at charming parents.”

“I’m sure you have been. You’ve just never met my mum.” Charlie grimaced and looked at Nick with a hint of worry in his eyes. It cleared quickly though and Charlie continued, “but today is about you and your mum, who you have said is lovely so I’m sure it’s going to go well.”

Nick nodded fervently.

“Yes! She’s the best, honestly. And I’m so excited for the two of you to meet properly. She’s going to love you, Char. She will because I love you and she’ll see that as clear as day on my face when she sees us together.”

Charlie grinned, his cheeks flushing at the declaration. His eyes were bright and he was looking at Nick with such adoration. How did Nick get so lucky as to meet someone like Charlie? He loved this man so much he thought his heart might burst from it.

“I’m sure I’ll love her too,” he replied, “because I love you.”

Nick beamed at Charlie. He couldn’t believe this was his life. One date and his whole world had been knocked upside down in the best way. He leaned over, resting his forehead against Charlie’s for just a moment, looking into his eyes, before he brought his lips forward to meet his.

God he loved kissing Charlie. Their lips fit together like they had specifically been made for each other and it set his entire being on fire. His breath was shaky as the sparks spread through their contact into his lips, down his neck, trickling down his back, slowly driving him insane.

He threaded his fingers into Charlie’s curls and heard the younger man gasp at the additional point of contact. It felt like Charlie was melting into his touch, and he couldn’t get enough of it.

A throat cleared and Nick felt Charlie’s lips rip away from his, as Charlie whipped his head around to the sound. There, standing awkwardly at their row, was one of the conductors for the train.

“Tickets, please.” He intoned, hand held out, seemingly doing anything but looking directly at Nick and Charlie as he waited. Charlie’s face was beet red and Nick thought his probably didn’t look much different. They hadn’t meant to get carried away.

Nick hastily grabbed their tickets and handed them to the conductor. The man scanned them and handed them back before turning and walking up the aisle without another word.

Luckily, there was no one else in their row,  or their half of the carriage, at that moment so the only witness to that interaction was the attendant, and Nick and Charlie, of course.

They both giggled to one another once the conductor was out of earshot.

The rest of their train ride was relatively uneventful. The train carriage filled up a bit more as they went on but no one joined their row, leaving them to just enjoy each other's quiet company. At one point, Nick fell asleep with his head on Charlie’s shoulder.

The next thing he knew, Charlie was gently carding his fingers through Nick’s hair, whispering that it was time for him to wake up because they had arrived. Nick blinked and looked around slowly as he lifted his head. There were numerous people gathering up their belongings for their stop. He turned his head and found Charlie smiling at him fondly. He smiled back, leaning over to give his boyfriend a chaste kiss before starting to gather up his own things.

They disembarked the train shortly thereafter with their rucksacks and other personal items. There was a light drizzle coming down so Nick grabbed Charlie’s hand and they moved quickly into the train station.

“Nicky!” a female voice called out, and Nick turned to see his mum standing about 100 feet away, walking towards him. He started towards her, keeping Charlie’s hand firmly in his even as he felt a small tug from Charlie trying to disentangle them.

“Mum!” When they reached each other, Nick threw one arm around her and she embraced him fully. 

“I missed you so much, sweetheart! I’m so glad you made the trip to see me and that you brought Charlie.” She said into his ear and he grinned. His mum was amazing and it still felt like coming home when he visited her. 

When they broke apart, Nick watched with a dopey smile as his mum immediately engulfed Charlie in a hug and exclaimed over how good it was to see him again. Charlie looked a bit bewildered for a moment but then seemed to relax as Nick’s mum asked him about their trip down.

The trio made their way out of the station and to his mum’s car, chatting all the way home about their school year, exams, their friends, and the dogs.

—

“Why don’t you give Charlie a tour, dear, and I’ll put on some tea.” His mum suggested as they walked in the door with their things. Nick heard Nellie’s boof and Henry’s nails clicking on the floor as they both immediately came to investigate their arrival. 

Nellie sniffed Charlie first, her whole body wagging with excitement at a new person to meet. Charlie knelt in front of her, scratching behind her ears and giving her a pat on the head.

“You’re so adooorable !” he cooed, and Nick felt his heart melt at the sight of his boyfriend loving on his dog.

“Traitor much, Nellie? Haven’t seen me in months and this is the reception I get?” Nick said indignantly, with a woe is me look and the back of his hand placed dramatically against his forehead.

“I guess we know who her new favourite is! Isn’t that right, sweet girl?” Charlie cooed again and then turned from where he was crouched to grin up at Nick. Henry scrabbled at Nick’s leg, as though protesting the fact that they were both ignoring him for the moment.

Nick reached down and scooped Henry up into his arms.

“Well, I’ll just be Henry’s favourite then!” Nick retorted, giving the little pug some pats and a kiss on the head. Nick heard his mum open the back door and both dogs perked their ears at the sound. Nick had to put Henry on the ground so the little pug could make his way over to go out to their backyard for a bit. Nellie was already there, having taken off like a shot at the sound.

“Shall I give you the grand tour?” Nick asked, holding his hand out to Charlie and helping him back to standing.

“Yes, please!” Charlie agreed as he took Nick’s hand. They started off into the house and Nick showed him the ground floor; the kitchen attached to the living room, the expansive backyard, and then took him upstairs to show him the bedrooms. The last one he took him to was Nick’s room, where they’d be staying together.

Nick set down his bag and immediately pulled Charlie into a bear hug, holding him tightly to his chest and breathing deeply. He’d never had a boy in here before, had never brought Noah home to meet his mum, and now he was glad that the first was Charlie instead.

“How are you feeling, baby?” Charlie asked quietly as Nick buried his face in Charlie’s shoulder and inhaled his scent. Nick shuddered at the pet name.

“A bit overwhelmed…” Nick whispered into Charlie’s neck, “but in a good way, I think?”

Charlie hummed in response, waiting for Nick to elaborate.

“I’ve just never brought a boy here and it’s you . There are so many memories in this room, Char. I figured out I was bisexual here, I cried here when my dad left and didn’t come back, I told all my deepest, darkest secrets to Nellie here. And now, I’ll have memories here with you and it feels like a lot, in the best way. I’m so glad you’re here with me.” Nick sniffled, tears threatening to fall with how strongly he felt about this moment. He fought to pull it back. He was being too much, but he couldn’t help it.

“Oh, Nick,” Charlie sighed, his arms tightening around Nick’s waist.

They held each other like that until they heard Nick’s mum call up the stairs that the tea was ready. The rest of the evening was spent with Charlie and his mum, watching movies and drinking tea, the perfect way to end a long day of travel.

—

The next morning, Nick woke up in his childhood bedroom with Charlie’s chest pressed against his back and his arm around his torso, holding him. He snuggled closer, enjoying the sensation of feeling Charlie pressed up against him from his neck to his toes. He felt the younger man stir at his movement and tighten his grip around Nick’s rib cage. His grin nearly split his face when he felt Charlie press a warm kiss to the back of Nick’s neck.

“Good morning, beautiful.” Charlie mumbled, his lips grazing Nick’s skin and causing goosebumps to rise there at the gentle touch.

“Good morning, darling.” Nick replied, as he pulled Charlie’s hand to his lips and kissed his fingers one at a time. He briefly considered sucking one digit into his mouth, but thought better of it when he realised he could hear his mum puttering around downstairs. Getting caught in that act in his old childhood bedroom was not on his list of things to do this weekend. Although, how long he’d be able to keep his hands to himself while they were here was still to be seen. 

Charlie shifted his hips forward and Nick could feel his growing erection pressing into Nick’s arse. Nick groaned at the feeling of Charlie against him like that. That was not  going to make it any easier to keep things clean while they were here.

“Char…” He uttered in warning. Charlie chuckled behind him but pulled his hips back.

“Okay, okay, I’ll be good, I promise.” His voice was clearer this time, like he was starting to wake up more. Nick slowly turned in his arms so he could look at Charlie’s face.

“Yeah, sureeee you will, you’re a menace.” Nick teased, poking Charlie’s dimple when he laughed.

“Never said I wasn’t,” Charlie retorted with a wicked grin, wiggling his eyebrows at Nick suggestively. Nick snorted at the look and then leaned forward to press his lips to Charlie’s, deepening the kiss almost immediately and threading his hands into Charlie’s hair to tug at it gently. He felt Charlie groan underneath his ministrations, capturing the sound with his kisses. Their breaths were coming in pants as Charlie’s hands started to wander down Nick’s chest. As suddenly as he had started, Nick pulled away and got out of bed, feeling smug with himself as he watched as Charlie realised Nick was no longer in the bed with him. His head leaned over Nick’s pillow like he had been chasing the kiss when Nick had pulled away.

“Niiiiick,” Charlie whined, “that was mean.”

“Two can play at the menace game, Spring.” Nick said with a wink before starting to put on a pair of joggers and a t-shirt he knew was tight enough to show off a bit of his muscle. Charlie was watching him, his mouth dropped open, his eyes dilated with want.

“Ugh, Nick you are so hot . What the actual fuck.”

Nick laughed and then flexed his muscles for show. 

“You like what you see?” he asked, his eyebrow raised.

“Fuck yes,” Charlie breathed, his face entirely serious, “but you’ll regret messing with me. I assure you, I always win a menace challenge.”

—

Saturday morning went by without incident. They had breakfast with Sarah and caught up with what she had been doing since Nick saw her last. She told them that she recently had made a trip out to a wonderful bed & breakfast by the sea for a weekend with some girlfriends and had fallen in love with the place. The owners had created beautiful gardens all around the property and the colours of the flowers blooming had been breathtaking. She had decided to grow some flowers in the backyard to see if she could create a garden of her own.

The three of them took the dogs for a walk once they had finished up breakfast. They stopped in a nearby park to throw the ball for Nellie for a little while. Then they dropped Nick’s mum and the dogs off back at Nick’s house, before Charlie took Nick over to his parents’ house.

His parents and Oliver, his little brother, were not home so Charlie felt safe taking him over there to get a look into how Charlie grew up. The walk truly was only 10 minutes and Nick felt a twinge of sadness, knowing he might have met Charlie earlier in his life if he’d just known to look for him or gone to Truham. They’d have been together for years by now if that were the case. It made him feel wistful.

Charlie squeezed his hand, bringing him back to the present.

“Where did you go off to just then, my love?”

“Just wondering what it would have been like if we had met sooner. If I’d known then what I know now.” Nick answered and he could hear the melancholy in his own tone, his thoughts swirling. Maybe he’d be less damaged if he’d met Charlie back then. Maybe he never would have gone through the heartbreak with Noah.

“Hey, no being sad while we go check out my childhood home.” Charlie nudged Nick’s shoulder and then stopped him outside the front of his parents house. He stepped closer, catching Nick’s gaze.

“You’re right, we could have met sooner, and maybe we do in another universe. But I’m glad I met you when I did in this one.” He sounded so sure and Nick felt gratitude towards this wonderful, curly haired man who had brought him back to life.

Nick felt Charlie take his hand gently and lean in so his mouth was just by Nick’s ear. Then Charlie placed Nick’s hand onto Charlie’s stomach, underneath his shirt, and Nick sucked in a surprised breath.

“Plus, in this universe we are about to go explore the home I grew up in and it’s empty. So, get it together, Nelson, because I have some ideas in mind of what we could do while we’re here.” Charlie nipped at Nick’s earlobe and then withdrew, his face a picture of innocence as he dropped Nick’s hand and turned towards his parents front door.

Nick stood stunned for a moment, trying to gather his wits about him as his brain helpfully supplies him with all sorts of images of what he and Charlie could do while they were alone. Slowly his brain came back online and he turned towards the door.

“ You little menace !” He exclaimed, eyes narrowed as he looked at Charlie who was clearly waiting for him at the door that he had now unlocked.

“Well, you did issue the challenge this morning. Don’t start something you can’t finish, babe .” Charlie practically purred, all traces of innocence gone. Nick felt a growl, low in his own throat, start up and then he raced up the walkway and pulled Charlie into the hall of his parents house. He shut the door and pushed Charlie against it, skimming his nose up Charlie’s neck until he reached his jaw before pressing hot, open mouth kisses there. Charlie was panting beneath him again and Nick had a sudden urge to feel everything .

He pressed himself close to Charlie, moulding their bodies together by pulling Charlie’s hips flush against his own and Charlie moaned  loudly.

Nick grinned at the sound and then carefully nipped at Charlie’s skin, leaving little bites all down his neck until he reached his collarbone,  where he bit down and sucked a kiss into the skin there, marking Charlie as his own.

“ Fuck , Nick, please… ” Charlie panted. He tried to slide his hands up under Nick’s t-shirt but Nick grabbed his wrists and pulled them up over his head against the door. He held them tightly with one hand and used his other hand to make sure their bodies stayed flush with each other. He could feel how hard Charlie was in his jeans, and he wished he had another hand so he could dip his fingers into Charlie’s waistband and touch him there.

“Tell me what you want, Char… and maybe I’ll give it to you.” Nick demanded, letting go of Charlie’s hip to thread his hand through the back of his hair and pull taut, tilting Charlie’s head up so they were gazing into each other's eyes, lips barely an inch from the others as they panted into each other's mouths. Charlie’s eyelids fluttered as his body melted against Nick’s like putty in his hands.

“Oh god ,” Charlie moaned, “I want you to touch me, please .” His eyes reopened, dilated with lust in the dark entryway. His tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip and Nick needed to taste him.

He kept his grip in Charlie’s hair and on his wrists as he leaned down and captured Charlie’s mouth with his own. He bit down on Charlie’s lower lip and tugged before plundering Charlie’s mouth with his tongue, tasting as much of him as he could, breath ragged.

When they separated, it was to catch their breath as they stared at one another in a hazy lust. Nick pulled himself back with great effort, slowly releasing Charlie’s wrists and removing his hand from his hair.

“Well,” he said, his voice rough with desire, “come on, give me the grand tour.”

Charlie’s eyes widened comically as he realised  Nick was being serious.

“I hate you,” he said with a laugh.

“I thought you loved me!” Nick replied indignantly.

“I really don’t.” Charlie groaned, but he rearranged his mussed up clothes and started past Nick.

“Menace.” Charlie whispered under his breath as he brushed past Nick to flip on the light for the hallway, seeming to be sure to rub up against him as much as he could in the small space. Nick could not stop smiling as Charlie led him to the kitchen and began the tour.

They made it up to Charlie’s old childhood bedroom in record time. Charlie sped through the other rooms, ushering Nick around at warp speed until they got there. As he walked into the room fully, he heard the door shut behind him and then there were hands wrapped around his front, and a warm body pressed against his back.

He felt Charlie take a deep breath and expected his menace behaviour to resurface, but Charlie remained still.

“I get what you meant,” Charlie whispered into the near silent room, “about making memories with me in your childhood room. I’m having similar feelings at the moment. Younger Charlie went through so much shit, he spent a lot of time dealing with the fallout of that in here, and now here you are, with me.”

A knot of emotion appeared in Nick’s chest at Charlie’s words and tears welled up at the corner of his eyes. It often happened that Nick felt Charlie understood him better than anyone else had before, and this just reinforced that feeling. He laid his hands on Charlie’s where they were splayed over his stomach, squeezing them to communicate his feelings.

They stood like that for a while, just like they had in Nick’s room, just breathing each other in and experiencing the space together.

Charlie was the first to move, slowly he unwrapped his arms from around Nick and turned around to face him. Nick could feel his heartbeat pick up at the look in Charlie’s eyes. There was a fire burning there and Nick wanted to fall into the flames.

Charlie took a step closer, placing one hand on Nick’s chest. Those familiar sparks radiated out from the point of contact and Charlie pushed gently, stepping forward again. Nick took a slow step back, unable to tear his gaze from those glorious blue eyes. Charlie kept the pressure on his chest and stepped forward again, forcing Nick to take another slow step back. Nick could hear his breathing start to accelerate. Charlie’s was too as they played this little game.

He pushed once more and stepped forward. Nick stepped back and the bedroom door halted his progress. His breath hitched in his chest as Charlie pressed up against Nick, moulding himself to Nick’s body, his lips ghosting over Nick’s neck in slow, torturous movements.

Suddenly Nick felt teeth dig into his pulse point and he moaned at the unexpected sensation, his knees going weak at the rush of arousal that coursed through him.

Nick grabbed Charlie and flipped their positions pressing Charlie, once again, against a door and ravishing his mouth. He could do this for the rest of his life and never get tired of it. Charlie shoved Nick backwards and Nick let him until he felt his knees hit the bed and he pulled them both down into a heap on top of the duvet.

Charlie slotted his legs on either side of Nick's, straddling him and grinding down against him, making him moan again.

“Fuck yes, Charlie ,” Nick gasped, running his hands up under Charlie’s shirt and then grabbing his hips to hold him down right where he wanted him, grinding up into him. He flipped them over and Charlie squealed in surprise at the show of strength from Nick. His breath came in gasps and his lips were parted as he looked at Nick like he wanted to devour him.

Nick would happily oblige this desire, and he leaned down to recapture Charlie’s lips with his own.

—

They remained in their own bubble at Charlie’s childhood home for a few hours, naked and tangled up in the duvet on Charlie’s old twin bed. The menace energy finally satiated and dissipated for now, it turned into an early afternoon full of slow caresses, soft kisses, and a lot of laughter

Charlie made sure to get things put back together so it looked as though they’d never been there before they left to head back to Nick’s house for their afternoon plans with Sarah.

Since the weather was cooperating today, the three of them plus Nellie and Henry packed up the car and headed to the beach.

Sarah drove while Nick sat in the back of the car with the dogs. He didn’t want to subject Charlie to dog slobber for the 20 minute ride, though maybe he wouldn’t have minded. Nick listened as his mum and Charlie chatted, absentmindedly patting Henry who was snuggled against his thigh. Nellie’s face was halfway out the window, panting, with her ears blowing back in the breeze.

“So, Charlie, Nick tells me you want to go into publishing. Are you enjoying your course  at Leeds?” Nick could see Charlie’s grin from the backseat. He really was such a nerd and Nick was absolutely enamoured with him.

“Yes! The literature courses have been amazing. So much of my coursework  is centred around books - the reading and analysis of them. It’s my teenage nerdy self’s dream come true, honestly. Even better that I’ll get to leave school and find a job where I get to do more reading. I’m really hoping to join an independent publisher that focuses on queer authors.” Charlie enthused, barely pausing for breath. Sarah smiled over at Charlie with fondness, but didn’t interrupt.

“But really,” Charlie’s voice dropped to a quieter tone, as though he was unsure if he should say what he was going to say out loud, “I think I’d love to write and publish a book someday.”

“Oh Charlie! I think that’s wonderful, darling. You should absolutely write a book and publish it. I’m sure you can do it!” Sarah replied with a wide, encouraging smile.

Nick leaned forward in his seat, “I agree, Char! You’re brilliant, I’m sure you will be a published author some day if that’s what you want.”

Charlie blushed at the certainty Nick and Sarah were showing. Nick knew Charlie wasn’t used to having such supportive family around, but Sarah was nothing if not unfailingly supportive of her children and the people they loved.

She encouraged them to be the best they could be, and loved them no matter what. Nick was so grateful he got to grow up with her in his life.

“I- well, we’ll see how things go…” Charlie deflected with a shy smile.

Sarah seemed to sense Charlie’s discomfort and moved back to safer topics, asking him about his family and his siblings. Nick listened quietly as Charlie told her all about his older sister Tori and his younger brother Oliver. He felt a pang of jealousy at the way Charlie spoke of his siblings - with fondness and love in his voice. 

He wished he and David had been close, but his prick of an older brother had only gotten worse over the years, and had become downright hostile when Nick had come out as bi. He didn’t understand how they could have grown into such different people when they had been raised by the same kind hearted, loving mum.

When they arrived at the beach, it took a little time to find a parking spot due to the weekend crowds but they found a spot a few minutes walk away and started down to the shore, enjoying the sun as it regularly peeked out from behind the clouds.

Nellie was overjoyed to be at the beach, it being one of her favourite places, and Nick and Charlie spent the first 45 minutes just playing fetch with her while Sarah got comfortable with a book and Henry under an umbrella.

Once Nellie was tuckered out, they settled themselves on a blanket next to Nick’s mum and shared headphones to listen to a playlist Charlie had created for the trip. It was full of songs he had felt were appropriate for an afternoon at the beach, plus the train ride back and forth. Occasionally, they removed their ear buds to share a song with Sarah when Nick heard one he thought she would particularly enjoy.

It was a wonderful afternoon and the drive home was full of happy discussion of future beach days they could take once the summer had arrived, and Nick and Charlie were home for a while.

Once they had gotten home and Nick made dinner for the three of them, they parted ways - Sarah to her room and Nick and Charlie to Nick’s bedroom. They agreed some Mario Kart was in order while they were here. Nick still thought he could beat Charlie given enough time and practice, but uni hadn’t left a lot of practice time so it went about as expected, with Charlie beating him handily every time.

Nick tried to act like he was annoyed by this, but he really didn’t mind losing if it meant he could see more of Charlie’s dimples as he celebrated his wins.

As they settled down for the evening Nick felt conflicted about going back to Leed’s in the morning. The day and half they’d been here had been so relaxing, he wished they could spend every day like this, rather than dealing with the stressors of uni and all the other things they had to keep up with in their lives.

He knew the reality was that life was never going to be without stress, but that didn’t mean Nick couldn’t engage in some wishful thinking.

Nick looked over at Charlie, who was sitting in the bed next to him, reading one of the books he needed to get through for his coursework, and felt little butterflies fluttering in his chest as he observed the adorable wrinkle of concentration on Charlie’s face. His tongue was poking out just slightly as his eyes scanned the page, slowly digesting the information. He was beautiful. Nick thought maybe he would think Charlie was beautiful no matter what he was doing. Charlie took a deep breath and then turned and looked at Nick, catching him in the act of staring.

“Wot?” Charlie asked.

“Nothing.”

“You’re staring.” Charlie insisted with a laugh.

“Was not. Do your homework.” Nick retorted, tossing a pillow at Charlie. Charlie gasped.

“How dare you,” Charlie picked up a pillow of his own, “this means war, we’re gonna have to fight!”

Suddenly Nick had a face full of pillow as Charlie whacked him with the one he was holding. Nick grabbed his own pillow back and they were in an all out pillow fight, rolling around on the bed, laughing so hard they were crying as they whacked each other over and over.

The fight ended as quickly as it had started when Nick slid too close to the edge of the bed as he swung at Charlie and promptly fell off the bed with a thud. He blinked up at Charlie and they both burst out laughing again at the silliness of the situation.

As Nick slowly picked himself up and straightened out his clothes there was a knock on the door.

“Everything okay in there? I heard something fall.” Nick looked down at Charlie with what he was sure was a panicked look. He had forgotten all about where they were when the fight started and he felt a bit mortified that his mum had heard all that.

“Yeah, mum! Sorry about that, we… well, we may have gotten into a pillow fight and I fell off the bed.” Nick called back sheepishly.

They could hear his mum chuckle on the other side of the door.

“As long as you’re okay, Nicky. Would either of you like a cup of tea? I’m about to make one for myself.”

Charlie nodded and Nick felt a cup of tea would be good for them both, maybe help them calm down so they could get to sleep. Nick went over to the door and opened it.

“Yeah, mum, that would be great. I’ll come down and help.”

Nick made his way downstairs with his mum and leaned against the counter as she filled the kettle. She set it on the hob and got the burner going before turning to Nick, her expression open.

“Charlie is a lovely young man. The two of you seem really happy together.”

“He is, yeah. I-I really love him, mum.”

“I can see why. He’s kind, smart, and he treats you well. I can see how much he loves you too, darling. I’m so happy for you both.” Sarah pulled him into a hug and Nick felt himself relax into her embrace. His mum’s hugs were the best - he learned from the best.

“I’m just…” Nick started but trailed off, not sure how much he should bring up with her. Sarah pulled away, a look of concern in her eyes.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right, Nicky?” She offered before turning to pull three mugs from the cabinet and turn off the hob as the kettle started to whistle, giving him time to consider if he wanted to talk about it. He appreciated that she knew him well enough to let him think it through on his own.

It was hard to bring up his dad. Nick worried his mum would think that Nick blamed her for his dad leaving or that she’d feel like she hadn’t done enough to help him through it. But, it wasn’t her fault. Not really. It was his prick of a father who had left them and some faulty relationships that had cemented some of the fears he held now.

His mum was one of his closest confidants though. He was terrible at keeping secrets from her, especially around how he felt. She could read him like a book and he didn’t want to hide this from her either. He knew she would help him think of things from another perspective. She always did seem to know exactly what to say to help him figure things out. Nick took a deep breath and took the plunge.

“I’m still scared, mum. I love Charlie. He’s wonderful, kind, thoughtful, whip smart, and has a wicked sense of humour. I am so lucky he wants to be with me but… I’m scared and I just… how could I ever be enough for someone like him? He’s literally the most amazing person in the world and I’m just plain old Nick. I just don’t see how he could want to stick around.”

“Oh, Nicky, you are an amazing person too. You are my sweet, loving, kind boy, you are incredibly smart, and Charlie deserves to be with you just as much as you deserve to be with him. It’s okay to be scared, darling. I know there is uncertainty but that is true of all relationships, even our friendships. Be with Charlie in spite of that fear and know that you are worthy of being with him.”

Nick felt the rising tide of tears coming as he tried his hardest to fight them back, but it was no use. The dam broke and he was crying as his mum held him tightly, rubbing his back and whispering soothing words to him.

He wasn’t sure how long they stood there, but his mum held him until his tears subsided and his breathing returned to normal again. He knew she was right, that it is worth doing things in spite of the fear. That being with Charlie was worth working through that fear and hoping for the best.

His mum handed him a tissue, and he dried his face while she poured their mugs of tea.

“I’m going to try, mum. I know you’re right and I’m going to try not to let my fear sabotage what he and I have. It’s all worth it to be with him.”

“I think that’s your answer, Nicky. If you know it’s worth it, then, eventually, the fear won’t matter anymore.”

She handed him the mugs for both himself and Charlie, then picked up her own.

“I’ll see you in the morning, darling. I love you. Sleep well and tell Charlie I say goodnight.”

“Love you mum, see you in the morning.” Nick replied tiredly. He could feel the exhaustion in his body now as he came down from the emotional conversation they just had. A cup of tea and he’d certainly be ready to go to sleep.

He turned off the kitchen lights before heading upstairs, to spend the rest of his evening with the man he loved, a sense of contentment spreading through him as he cosied up in his childhood room with his boyfriend. He might still be afraid but he could push through it. For both their sakes.

Chapter Text

Mine - Taylor Swift

And I remember that fight, 2:30 a.m.,

You said, everything was slipping right out of our hands,

I ran out, crying, and you followed me out into the street,

Braced myself for the goodbye,

'Cause that's all I've ever known

June

Nick doesn’t think that they had meant for it to happen, but June got away from them. The end of term exams were upon them again and without meaning to, Nick realised he hadn’t seen Charlie in a week.

There just wasn’t time and it felt like whenever Nick tried to find time, something got in the way. Nick felt frazzled and on edge as he tried desperately to keep up with the demands placed upon him. Final projects, revision, the rugby team had their final, big match this week so they had some extra practice time required of them in preparation. 

On top of all of that Sai and Imogen had broken up and his friend had become a hermit, which was very anti-Sai behaviour, so the lads had decided some intervention was necessary. They had agreed they would schedule a few nights a week to get Sai out of his room, even if it was just for a Mario Kart tournament between the four of them.

When Sai had finally opened up to them about what had happened - that it had felt like they had stopped making time for each other, they had drifted as life pulled them in different directions, and had finally decided it just didn’t make sense to keep trying - Nick had felt his own worries around him and Charlie start to surface.

Were they in the same boat? Were they just not trying hard enough?

When he had looked at his calendar the night before, he had realised he did have some free time the next day and so he had texted Charlie.

Nick:

Hey love, I hope revision this week is going well. 

I’ve got some free time tomorrow for lunch. 

Want to meet up? 

I miss you.

Though he checked throughout the rest of the evening, dodging the lads' questions on why he was so glued to his phone, he hadn’t heard back from his boyfriend. That wasn’t necessarily unusual over the past week, Charlie had said he’d be less responsive as he revised for exams.

Nick felt a seed of doubt creep in though when he woke up and the thread remained empty of new notifications. There had been no reply from Charlie. He reminded himself that Charlie was not a morning person and was probably still asleep.

It seemed that today was going to be one of the few days in June where it poured rain. Nick could hear the rain pelting the ground and his window as he lay in bed, willing himself not to stare at his phone waiting for a text. He rubbed his hands over his face, groaning at himself. He needed to get a grip, it had been like 16 hours, he was going to be fine.

Nick threw off his covers and hoisted himself out of bed. Laying around wasn’t going to help his brain chill out, so he got dressed and made his way to the kitchen. Distraction was going to be the best way to deal with this, at least for now.

He grabbed the kettle and filled it up, setting it on the hob to heat, and then pulled down a mug.

“Mornin,” Chris mumbled as he shuffled into the kitchen, “make me one, yeah?”

Nick grunted his assent and pulled down another mug as Chris started on breakfast, pulling out bread for toast and eggs for frying. They worked around each other in silence for a while.

Nick had left his phone in his bedroom but could feel his thoughts pinging back to it as he wondered again and again if maybe Charlie had responded now. It wasn’t like Charlie to ignore him, even if he was busy. Not to say that he was ignoring him, he probably wasn’t. Nick rolled his shoulders back, trying to release the tension that was starting to build there.

“How’s things?” Chris asked, as they settled in at the counter with their breakfast and tea, interrupting Nick’s spiralling thoughts.

“These revisions are kicking my ass. Otherwise, normal, yeah. How’s things with you?” Nick looked over at his friend, who seemed to have woken up a bit now that he’d been moving around more.

“Good, normal, though I’m with you on the revision. So much to cram into my brain, so little time. Haven’t seen Charlie in a minute, how’s he doing?”

The tension, momentarily forgotten, returned and Nick blew out a breath.

“Uh… fine, I think. Probably fine. I mean he texted the day before last so that means he’s probably okay, yeah?” Nick knew he sounded a bit strained and rambly but he couldn't help himself. He just didn’t think they had gone a full day without at least a text or two since last year and it felt wrong.

“Ooo, mate, trouble in paradise?” Chris asked with a laugh, patting Nick on the shoulder, “you guys are usually glued at the hip.”

Nick groaned and covered his face with his hands.

“Man, that is not helping!”

“Oh, well shit ,” Nick heard a smacking sound as Chris whispered to himself and then he raised his voice, “I didn’t realise you were actually worried about it, Nick, sorry. I’m sure he’s fine and you know we’ve all been stressed as fuck with exams. That’s probably what’s got him preoccupied too.”

“I… probably, yeah.” Nick replied with a sigh, before picking up his dishes and dumping them in the sink. He reached for the dish soap but suddenly a ringing sound came from his bedroom. All thoughts of dishes and Chris were forgotten as Nick raced back to his room to grab his phone. He didn’t bother looking at who was calling before he answered.

“Hello?” He was a bit breathless, knowing who he was hoping to hear on the other end of the line.

“Nicholas, how are you?” A man’s voice spoke with a strong French accent and Nick almost screamed in frustration. His dad was the last person he wanted to talk to right now. He pulled his phone back from his ear and checked his notifications screen. Still nothing from Charlie. It was almost 10am and he should be up by now.

“Nicholas?” His father’s voice called down the line again.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry dad. I’m here. What’s up?” Nick put the phone back up to his ear and sat down heavily on the edge of his bed. He didn’t bother answering his father’s question about his own wellbeing knowing his dad really didn’t care. It was a perfunctory greeting.

“I have some news,” his father said, “ I am coming to England next week. I’ll be in London for work. Can you make the trip to your mothers house so we can have dinner? David said he can make it.”

Oh, of course, David can make it. Just a little preemptive guilt for if he said no, regardless of what was going on in Nick’s life at the moment.

“That depends on when, dad. I’ve got exams next week and need the time between now and then to revise.”

“Oh, I’m sure you can revise on the train down and back. Dinner will be on Monday as I have to be in London on Tuesday morning.” 

Nick wanted to scream. Just drop everything for the man who abandoned them. Was it a dramatic thought? Maybe, but his dad didn’t seem to care in the slightest the stress Nick was under.

“Dad, I have an exam on Tuesday, I need that time to study in a space I can focus in. The train is not a good place for that. Can’t you come see me sometime?” Nick asked, already knowing the answer.

“Nicholas, you know I cannot just drop my work obligations to come see you. I am in London for work, this is the best option.” Which is exactly the response Nick expected. Stephane, king of ‘ I can’t prioritise you but you should prioritise me ’. It was infuriating.

“Well, can you stay a few extra days? I can be back on Friday.” Nick offered, his whole body felt tense, like every muscle was straining to hold in his frustration.

“I’m sorry, but I must go back to France for work on Wednesday. You know how it is. Please come on Monday, I will see you there, yeah?” And then he hung up, not even waiting for Nick’s answer. Without thinking, the anger too strong, Nick threw his phone away from him and he heard it hit the wall with a loud bang before it hit the floor shortly thereafter.

He felt his breaths coming faster but it was like he couldn’t stop it. He just could not get enough air into his body and he started to panic.

“Fuck, fuck ,” he gasped as he wrapped his arms around his rib cage and slid to the floor. His vision started to swim and he felt dizzy. He was curling in on himself, and he knew it would only get worse if he didn’t do something. He thought about what Charlie had taught him. Think of 5 things he could see.

His phone, looking a bit worse for wear, on the ground in front of him. The slippers on his feet. He lifted his head and turned it. The door to his room, open. Chris in the doorway, looking at him with a worried expression. A rugby poster to the left of the door frame.

Five things he could touch or feel. Chris’ hand on his shoulder, warm, grounding. The rub of the cotton shirt he had on against his skin. The smooth, cool wood floor beneath his hands. The slight breeze from the fan he always had going in his room. The textured pattern of his duvet as he leaned against it.

He felt his breathing start to slow. The spots slowly receded from his vision. He could hear Chris.

“Breathe with me, in for 1…2…3… and out for 1…2…3…” and could hear him taking the breaths too. He could hear Otis ask what had happened from the doorway but Chris shushed him and then directed him to go make them some tea.

Otis turned and left with a promise he’d be back shortly.

“Hey,” Chris said, his tone soft, “you’re coming back, I can see it. What happened, mate? Who was on the phone?”

“My dad,” Nick croaked out, his voice felt like he hadn’t used it in a week. Likely all the air he was sucking in as he’d panicked had irritated it.

“He asked me to come down to Kent for dinner with mum and David on Monday but I have exams and revision to do. Shocker, he didn’t care in the slightest. But, of course, he can’t come here, too much work to keep up with I guess. He’s such a prick.” There was the glow of anger in his chest, he felt it creeping back in.

“He never comes here! He only sees me when it’s convenient for him and that’s barely once a year! Why do I always have to drop everything for his schedule?!” Nick shouted suddenly and Chris flinched away in surprise.

“Sorry, I’m just so angry with him! And I’m stressed and tired and it all just feels like too much right now.” Nick finished with a sigh, blinking back tears.

Chris settled down next to him, cross legged, and nudged his shoulder in a show of support.

“Man, your dad is an absolute wanker.” 

Nick barked out a watery laugh.

“Yeah, he really fucking is.”

“Pretty sure tea solves all problems.” Otis chimed in, as he came through the doorway with two mugs. He set them in front of Chris and Nick before going to fetch his own.

“You don’t owe him anything.” Chris said, as Otis settled in with them on the floor.

“That is surprisingly insightful coming from you, mate.” Otis said with a laugh. Chris shoved his shoulder but laughed alongside him.

“Listen, just because I don’t say insightful shit all the time doesn’t mean I’m not capable of it.” he retorted.

“I mean, you’re probably right but he’s my dad. I just don’t get why he doesn’t care. It feels like I’ll never be enough for him and I hate that it even matters to me.”

Otis and Chris nodded their understanding.

“He’s your dad, we get it. I’d be pissed if my dad treated me that way.” Otis mused.

“The rain’s dropped off. What if we get out of the flat for a bit? Grab a snack and go for a short walk. I could use one anyway with all the revision. I need a break.” Chris offered the two of them.

They all three agreed to a walk and slowly got up. Nick threw on a different shirt and his rain jacket over top and they headed out into a light drizzle that remained, chatting about anything apart from Nick’s dad and his shitty behaviour.

—

When Nick got home from the walk and the lads broke off into their own rooms for whatever was next for each of their days, Nick realised he had left his phone on his bedroom floor. It had felt good not to feel like he constantly needed to check it while they’d been out and moving.

It was past noon now and when he flipped over the device to look at his screen he saw a message from Charlie. He felt a knot loosen in his chest that he had forgotten was there. It seemed to tighten back up as he read the message.

Charlie:

i can’t

sorry

And then a few minutes later there was another text.

Charlie:

i miss you too

Like an afterthought. It felt unsatisfactory. Not only had Charlie not texted him until it was practically lunch time but he hadn’t even thought to say he missed Nick until minutes after he’d responded.

The feeling echoed how Nick used to feel when he’d get texts from Noah. Curt, impersonal, always withholding affection. It wasn’t exactly the same but it triggered something in him he hadn’t expected. A kind of melancholy that he could feel in his chest. Maybe it was just a matter of time before they ended up in the same place.

He shuddered at the thought and tried to push it aside. Charlie wasn’t Noah.

—

Nick was making his way to an exam when he saw Charlie. For the first time in a week, there he was, chatting animatedly outside of the library on the front steps. Nick couldn’t see the person Charlie was talking to, just the back of their head which only told him the person had short, dark brown hair. His eyes widened as he watched the brown haired man reach out and touch Charlie’s arm and Charlie laughed.

A bright, carefree laugh and Nick felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time - jealousy.

Why was this guy making Charlie laugh? That was Nick’s job. Why was he touching his boyfriend? Why wasn’t Charlie stepping away or removing his hand? Why was he out here talking to this guy when he had curtly refused to go to lunch with Nick yesterday and didn’t bother to tell him why?

Nick didn’t want to see Charlie like this and he definitely didn’t want to go to his exam. He was sure he’d fail as there was no way he was going to be able to focus now.

He almost turned around and started back home, but he couldn’t afford to skip this exam and fail the class. He had to pull his shit together. Nick pulled his phone out and immediately called Tara. He kept walking towards his exam while listening to the phone ring, whispering ‘please answer, please answer, please answer’.

On what seemed like the last ring he heard the click of Tara picking up and her voice on the other end of the line. He let out the breath he’d been holding.

“Hey Nick, what’s up?”

He very nearly cried upon hearing her voice. The rush of jealousy, anxiety, and fear overtaking him for a moment, along with a strong sense of gratitude that his friend had answered and he wasn’t in this alone.

“Nick? Is something wrong?” He hadn’t answered her greeting and her tone grew worried.

“Tara, I’m so sorry to call like this. I’m on my way to one of my exams and I saw Charlie with another guy and I’m freaking out. He’s been distant all week, I feel like he’s pulling away but part of me thinks it’s just exams and projects and he’s probably stressed but what if it’s not that. But I saw them and they looked close and…” Nick was rambling, it was like word vomit, he couldn’t stop.

“Nick, stop! Take a breath, please.” Tara broke in, halting him in his verbal tracks. He tried to do as she asked but it was difficult.

“Okay, take some breaths and then, when you are breathing normally, tell me what happened. Slowly, so I can understand you.” He wasn’t sure his walk to his exam building was going to be long enough for him to be able to do that, but he tried.

“Tara, I haven’t seen Charlie in a week. We’ve barely texted. He couldn’t meet me for lunch yesterday and was very curt about it. Now, I walked by the library and I saw him standing on the steps, laughing with some other guy's hand on his arm. And, honestly, it’s probably nothing. I’m probably just getting into my own head, but my dad called yesterday and I had a panic attack and it’s like all I can think about is how this all went down with Noah. It’s just giving me the same vibes and I don’t know how to convince myself that it’s not the same. That Charlie wouldn’t do that to me.” He said it all slowly this time and he tried to be clear so Tara could understand what was happening.

“Oh, Nicky…” Tara said and he could hear the love and exasperation in her voice. “You know you could solve all of this by just telling Charlie what’s going on and asking for some reassurance. I bet he’d show up for you in an instant if he knew you were struggling. Did you tell him that your dad called?”

“I- No, but I want to tell him in person. I just don’t know how to communicate all of it over text, it feels like too much to say that way. And if I tell him I’m freaking out he’ll know what a mess I am and he’ll think I’m too much and he’ll be right! And we’ll probably break up and I don’t want to break up.”

Even hearing it out loud Nick knew he sounded ridiculous but it felt real. It all felt very much like it could happen, and he just couldn’t risk it.

“Aren’t you seeing him after the game tomorrow? Talk to him, Nick. I’m serious. You need to push past the fear and talk. Darcy and I wouldn’t be together now if we didn’t talk shit out. I’m telling you, it’ll help.”

“Fine, I-I’ll try. That’s all I’ve got, Tara. I’ll try.”

—

The pub heaved with students, all trying to forget the week behind them and the remaining week ahead. The rugby team had set up by the pool tables after their match, drowning their sorrows after a close loss, and Nick was sat on a bar stool, knee bouncing as he waited for Charlie to arrive.

His friends and teammates kept trying to get him to engage with them but he couldn’t focus. They’d start a conversation and he’d get distracted as soon as he heard the door to the pub open, craning his neck to see who had arrived.

He couldn’t stop himself, he was desperate to see Charlie at this point and try to talk to him. Just to make sure they were okay. He saw Otis approach him from the corner of his eye but tried to ignore him. He didn’t want to hear what his friend had to say right now. He knew what it would be.

“C’mon, mate. So it's been more than a week. You need to chill the fuck out. Charlie will be here and it’ll be fine.” Otis didn’t bother trying to get Nick to look at him. He spoke knowing Nick could hear him loud and clear. The lads were just as fed up with Nick’s shit as he was.

“Otis, just let it be, okay? I don’t need you telling me what to do. I’m allowed to want to see my boyfriend. I’m allowed to be annoyed that I haven’t seen him and that he’s been distant. You, of all people, should understand that.”

“Otis, join this round.” Chris called out from the other side of the pool table. Otis brushed past Nick with a parting, “It’s going to be fine, man.”

Nick shook his head. He was four drinks in and he was desperately trying to hold back the tendrils of panic that he’d been battling with since his dad called a few days ago. He could funnel that into anger, at least, and it felt more manageable.

He hadn’t told Charlie that his dad had called. He wasn’t entirely sure why but it just felt like he needed to share in person. That it would help to see Charlie’s expression of care when he told him, that it would help validate his feelings about the whole thing.

But not talking to Charlie, withholding that, had been challenging and not seeing Charlie had only exacerbated the feeling that they were drifting apart.

The door to the pub opened and, finally, Nick saw the smooth black curls he’d been waiting for. He had planned to stand up and make a beeline for Charlie as soon as he arrived and throw his arms around the younger man but something stopped him. The feelings of annoyance were welling up in him.

Charlie knew Nick had abandonment issues, that he’d been burned before and it’s not like it was that hard to text your own boyfriend a good morning or goodnight. He wanted to tell himself he was being ridiculous, that his worries were not Charlie’s fault but it felt safer somehow to be angry first.

If he was angry, then it was Charlie’s fault and not his own inner insecurities or ability to communicate his own needs to his boyfriend.

He turned away from the door, pretending to pay attention to the game being played in front of him and sipping his beer. He felt his presence before he saw him.

“Nick…?” That sweet voice cut him to the core. He should be falling into Charlie’s arms but he was still perched on the stool. He barely glanced at Charlie before refocusing on the pool table. Elle was standing behind him looking concerned.

“Hey, Charlie. Elle.” Nick replied in a curt voice. He had no idea what the fuck was he doing but the frustration at himself and at Charlie was peaking inside of him. They needed to talk but Nick didn’t want to talk. He wanted to be upset because he knew this was going to happen. This is always what happens. The people who love you, let you down.

Part of him was yelling internally for him to stop being a dumbass and greet his boyfriend properly, but the bigger part of him had petulantly folded his arms, not willing to let go of all the feelings he’d bitterly held in for the better part of the week.

He could see out of the corner of his eye when Charlie and Elle turned away from him and went to help Tao at the bar with their drinks. He felt himself deflate, the annoyance dissipating as quickly as it had peaked. He was an idiot , as usual.

He thought they might come back and he could fix it, pretend it didn’t happen, but they didn’t. The time stretched on as Nick watched the game play out. Eventually, he turned to look around the pub and he could see Charlie, Tao, Issac, and Elle at the complete opposite side. He caught Tao glaring at him.

Tao didn’t have any right to be mad at him. He was mad at Charlie! So what if he couldn’t quite remember why. So what if this was very likely a problem of his own making and insecurities. He was terrified, it all felt so familiar, and he couldn’t do it again. Before he could think it through any further, he dropped his beer on the table, grabbed his jacket and made a beeline for the door, not even bothering to say goodbye to his mates.

The pub door slammed behind him and he started the walk home, puffs of breath coming out of him as he sped away from the entire situation. Until he heard a voice behind him.

“Nick! Hey!” Charlie’s voice. Nick felt the tears prick in his eyes. He had to go home. He couldn’t let Charlie break up with him here. He sped up.

Suddenly a hand grasped his arm and he almost ripped his arm away from that hand, but he stopped himself from taking it that far. Instead he stopped but tugged his arm away, turning to face the younger man.

“I’m so sorry.” Charlie blurted out, his expression full of worry. He’d done that to the man he loved. He’d put that expression on his face. He didn’t deserve Charlie.

“It’s fine. I’m honestly used to it by now. I just can’t do this here, Charlie, I need to go home.” He turned again to start away from his worst nightmare, but Charlie grabbed his arm again.

“Do what , Nick? What is this ? Why are you acting like you don’t want to be with me anymore?” Charlie sounded really hurt but that couldn’t be right. Charlie was the one who had ignored Nick all week. If it was anyone, it was Charlie who wanted to break up with Nick.

“You’ve been ignoring me for most of the week, Charlie! This is the first time I’ve seen  you in a week and a half and you didn’t have anything to say when you saw me? I don’t know, kind of seems like you’re the one that doesn’t want to be with me !” Nick shouted, the tears in free fall now. He was making a scene. His father would hate it. Noah would have hated it too but he just couldn’t bring himself to care.

“You’re the one who was rude when we got here, Nick! You barely even looked at me when we walked up, barely even said hello! I get that things have been stressful and I’ve been hard to reach but I told you this was my reality for exams! I told you I had to focus on my studies and you said you understood!”

“I did understand! I did!” Nick shouted back, barking out a harsh laugh, he didn’t even sound like himself, “Right up until my dad called and left me with a panic attack and I saw you on the library steps totally carefree and laughing with some other guy! Worried about exams, my arse! You looked fine to me!” Nick watched as Charlie’s expression shifted from one of anger to confusion and then concern.

“Your dad called?” He asked quietly, all the fight seemed to drain right out of him but Nick couldn’t see it. He had been caught up in a whirlwind of anxiety and all the feelings the conversation with his dad had brought up. He just needed it to stop.

“I’m too much, Charlie! Can’t you see that! I try too hard, and I feel too much. I ruin everything. Don’t act like you don’t think I’m smothering you. I know all the signs, I’ve been there before. Just do what I know you want to do and end it so I can cry in peace.”

He couldn’t look at Charlie. He didn’t want to see the pity and the disgust in his face. He didn’t want to see the words leave Charlie’s mouth. If he had his way, he wouldn’t have to hear them either. Nick was so goddamn tired, and somehow still so in love with Charlie Spring that it hurt. But he was ready for what he knew was coming.

Chapter Text

Mine - Taylor Swift

And, you took me by surprise,

You said, I'll never leave you alone,

You said, I remember how we felt, sitting by the water,

And every time I look at you, it's like the first time,

I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter,

She is the best thing that's ever been mine,

Hold on, make it last, Hold on, never turn back,

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter,

You're the best thing that's ever been mine,

do you believe it?,

(Hold on) we're gonna make it now,

(Hold on) I can see it,

(Yeah, yeah) I can see it now (See it now, see it now)

June

“Nick, I don't want to break up.” Were not the words Nick was expecting to hear. His gaze snapped to Charlie’s in surprise, and what he saw there was not pity or disgust. Charlie was looking at Nick with concern and love.

“I know people have hurt you. And you feel like I'd be better off without you, but... I need you to know that my life is way better because I met you .” Charlie took a step closer to him and Nick wanted to close the distance but he couldn’t. Not just yet.

“You don't have to say that.”

“I do, actually. And I'll keep on saying it until you believe me.”

“Look, your dad is wrong. Noah was wrong. You are not too much, Nick. You are the kindest, most thoughtful and caring and amazing person in the whole world and I love getting to be with you.” Charlie stepped closer again. There were only a few inches between them now and Nick felt his breath hitch at the proximity.

“I know I was distant this week and I’m sorry for that. I know your history and I should have realised it would be triggering. I’ve been under a lot of stress but I could have done better communicating that with you.” Nick heard the pause as Charlie seemed to decide whether he wanted to say more, and then he continued, determined if not a little sad sounding, “And, if you really want to break up, then I will respect your decision, but I want us to be together. Nick, you're my favourite person.”

“You’re my favourite person too, Charlie. I love you. I don’t want to break up either. I’ve been feeling really out of sorts the last two days and I just couldn’t shake the feeling that you wouldn’t want to deal with me… like this…” Nick buried his face in his hands, groaning in frustration at his own internal struggles. 

“I think my dad’s call sent me into a spiral. Like, I wasn’t happy that we weren’t talking much this past week but I was dealing with it, sort of. I understood why and I’ve had so much on my plate with rugby and exams, that I knew you were feeling the same pressure that I was under. The lads were helping too, and then he called and he was such a prick. Just assuming I’d make the trip down to Kent to see him when I have all these fucking projects and exams. He didn’t even bother waiting for my answer. He just assumed I’d be there and hung up.”

He was so distracted by Charlie’s concerned gaze that he startled when he felt Charlie touch his hand. He threaded their fingers together before Charlie could assume his reaction meant he hadn’t wanted to be touched.

“ I’m the one who should be saying sorry. I know my dad is a trigger and I’ve been working on that in therapy, but I was so convinced I needed to talk to you about it in person that I was forcing all my feelings about it down until I had that chance. Tara told me to text you. She said you’d understand and you’d be there for me but I just couldn’t hear it. I was too caught up in the anxiety of that call, and my brain just kept telling me there was no way you’d want to deal with me, that you already had enough going on.”

Charlie closed the distance between them and disentangled their fingers so he could wrap his arms around Nick. With the pressure of Charlie’s arms around him, holding him together, he felt the tension start to leak out of his body and he buried his face in Charlie’s neck.

“I’m sorry if you felt like you couldn’t tell me about your dad, Nick. I always want to hear about what’s going on in your life. I want to be there for you even when we are in the thick of a stressful exam season. You’re my boyfriend, Nick, and I really love you.”

He was crying again, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. These were happy tears that they weren’t going to break up, that Charlie still loved him. He felt Charlie slowly pull away to look at Nick and saw tears on Charlie’s face too. They were a mess, but it felt like they’d figured something out.

“Nick, the guy you saw me with at the library is in a study group of mine. Not only that but he’s engaged to his girlfriend, Abby, and is straight – as far as I can tell. I would never cheat on you, I hope you know that.” Charlie’s expression was open and vulnerable as he watched Nick’s face. Nick sighed, he felt like such an idiot. Of course  logically he knew Charlie would never cheat on him, but his brain hadn’t been able to accept that either at the time.

“I know, Char. I swear I know it… most of the time anyway. I just… it’s like my brain went offline. Like it couldn’t handle everything that had happened, and then just jumped to the simplest, and worst, answer that fit with my past experiences. It’s not a good excuse, honestly, and I am working on it. I want to be better.” Nick reached out to cup Charlie’s face in his hands, trying to convey how important this was to him through his expressions and body language, just as much as he was finally using his words.

“Come back to my flat with me?” he asked, hopeful that Charlie would say yes.

Charlie nodded, but then looked back at the pub.

“I need to grab my things and tell Tao, Isaac, and Elle where I’m headed, and then we can go. Do you want to wait here or come with me?”

Nick felt a flush creep up his chest and into his face. He had embarrassed the hell out of himself in there tonight, but it was probably better to face Charlie’s friends now and have them see that they were good, than to put it off and hope they believed Charlie if he just verbally told them. He chewed on his lip as he considered the options.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to come back in. It’s been an emotional night,” Charlie added, rubbing his hand up and down Nick’s arm.

“No, no, I’ll come in with you. I should own up to my shit and hopefully they’ll be able to see that we worked it out,” Nick squared his shoulders and started back with Charlie towards the pub. He reached out and took Charlie’s hand in his, needing the support of the physical contact.

He felt Charlie squeeze his hand as they reached the door and made their way back into the pub.

Charlie’s friends were in the same spot he’d left them, along with the drink that he’d abandoned when he’d chased Nick outside. Elle was facing them, while Tao and Isaac were facing the other direction, and Nick clocked when Elle realised both of them were on their way back to the group, her eyes widening. Tao and Isaac must have noticed her expression because they both started to turn, just as the two of them were reaching the table.

“Everything's okay guys, but Nick and I are going to go. See you all at the diner tomorrow?” Charlie seemed in a rush to get the words out, probably hoping to avoid his friends making a scene too.

Elle’s gaze flicked down to their entwined hands and she smiled.

“Sure thing, Charlie, just text us if you need anything?” She replied smoothly, smiling at them both.

“No! No, not sure thing, Elle! This idiot hurt Charlie! And now everything’s fine and they are just going to skip off into the night??” Charlie rolled his eyes at Tao’s very loud outburst.

“Tao, Nick and I talked about what happened. He apologised and we are okay. I need you to trust me. I know you are just trying to look out for me but I can take care of myself.” Charlie replied firmly, giving Tao a one armed hug and grabbing his jacket.

“I promise we can talk about it tomorrow.”

And then they turned around and were making their way back out of the pub. Nick could see a few of his friends watching them with smiles on their faces. He was sure they were just glad to see him with Charlie again.

—

The walk home had been quick and went by in near silence - though it had been a relatively comfortable one. When they got to Nick’s flat, he started up the kettle and they settled in together on the sofa. They were facing each other but not quite touching, knowing they still had some things to talk about.

Nick wasn’t entirely sure where to start but, without thinking too hard about it, he began talking about his mum.

“Mum texted me yesterday, saying she understood if I couldn’t make it due to exams. I haven’t heard anything from dad though, since he called. I just hate that I’d be disappointing them. I know my mom would be okay, she’ll see me at the end of the week, but the guilt trip I’m going to get from dad for not going almost makes me feel like I should just suck it up and go, regardless of how it impacts my grades.”

“I just… why doesn’t he care, Char?” His voice broke on the last bit. The pain, that used to feel like a knife to the heart when his dad first left, was now just a dull ache in his chest.

“I wish I understood it, but I don’t. He’s missing out on a relationship with one of the most wonderful people I know, honestly. I think it's a very sad way to exist. But Nick, you don’t owe him anything. He can’t just expect you to drop everything for a meal with him, when he isn’t willing to do anything to see you unless it’s at his own convenience. It’s not fair or right of him to ask that of you.”

“I know you’re right. But a big part of me just thinks I’m the problem. Before he left he often told me I needed to toughen up, to stop crying, to grow up and act like the man I should be, and it seemed so obvious to me when I was young that he must have left because I couldn’t be who he wanted me to be. It’s hard to get my brain to see it any other way, even though I know now that he would have left regardless.” Nick sniffled, all out of tears but still feeling very emotional.

“It’s not fair. How did I get such an amazing mum who loves me more than anything, and such a shit dad who can’t even be arsed to see me more than once a year.”

Both men startled,  and then chuckled, as the whistle of the kettle surprised them. Nick got up and made his way to the kitchen with Charlie on his heels. He pulled down their mugs and got the tea settled so they could return to the sofa.

“I know figuring all of this out is a journey, and that I need to keep working through it. It seems pretty obvious that I have a lot to work through. I just hate that I took it all out on you. That I let him get me so worked up that I couldn’t communicate with you the way I know I need to.” Nick looked up at Charlie with an apologetic expression and reached over to take his hand. It always felt right to be in physical contact with Charlie, in any capacity. It was like a balm to his thoughts, spreading warmth through him.

“I get it though. I’ve been working on my own shit for over 5 years, Nick, and it is a journey. One that will probably never completely end. I can barely go home for the term break because my mother and I can’t seem to be in the same space without going at each other for the stupidest shit. Just because we’re working through things, doesn’t mean we can’t try to make it easier on each other when things are hard. You do that for me when I have bad days. I want to do that for you too.”

Nick felt something click for him as Charlie said that. He knew that Charlie allowed Nick to be there for him when he was having a hard time. That he reached out to Nick when he was having a hard time, and that Nick wanted to be there during those times. It made perfect sense that Charlie would want the same opportunity to be there for Nick, too. He just hadn’t ever considered it that way – that not talking to Charlie when he was struggling was taking away an opportunity for Charlie to show him that he loved Nick. It felt like a revolutionary idea. He would hate it if Charlie didn’t tell him when he was having a hard time, so why would he do the same to Charlie?

“God, Char, of course I want you to be there for me when things are tough. I always just felt like it made me a burden, but I didn’t really consider how it would make you feel if I never let you be there for me. Honestly, I think it’s just hearing from you that makes it all easier to manage. Good morning and good night texts, knowing you thought of me, it means the world to me. I think that’s all it’ll really take. I just need to know you’re there and that you love me, even when things are busy or stressful.”

Charlie set his tea down and shifted closer to Nick on the couch, running his hand up Nick’s thigh.

“I can do that, Nick, but if that’s ever not enough, you’ll tell me, yeah?” Nick nodded, feeling that tell-tale buzz come back as Charlie’s hand rubbed back and forth along his thigh. Had they talked enough? Because Nick was starting to feel like he wanted to do something other than talking.

“I’ll do my best to be better at telling you when I’m having a hard time,” Nick agreed.

He leaned forward slowly, watching Charlie’s face for any indication that he might not be on the same wavelength, but he didn’t pull away. Instead, he could see Charlie’s expression darken with desire and he closed the distance, pressing his lips to the younger man’s and groaning at the feeling of finally being this close to Charlie again.

Charlie’s hand on his leg tightened and Nick moaned as that hand slowly slid up towards his groin. Charlie deepened their kiss as he tangled his other hand into Nick’s hair and held him in place.

“I love you,” Nick breathed out in between kisses, “I love you so much, Char.”

Pure need bolted through him as Charlie started to pull Nick by his hair, leaning forward as Nick’s body started leaning back, so their lips stayed connected. He loved the feeling of Charlie taking control of them in that moment. Nick unfolded his legs so Charlie could lay himself between them, and gasped as he felt Charlie’s weight pressing down, lining up their bodies so they could each feel how turned on they were.

Charlie kept his grip in Nick’s hair, tilting his head back to lick into his mouth, deepening the kiss and grinding against him. Nick could feel every nerve in his body light up with pleasure. He needed to feel all of this man, he wanted to be skin to skin.

Before Charlie could stop him, as he loosened his hold on Nick’s hair, Nick rotated his legs off the couch and picked Charlie up bridal style to bring them to his bedroom. Charlie squealed at the sudden movement and then laughed, playfully hitting Nick in the chest.

“ Niiiick , you can’t just pick me up and take control. I was in the middle of something!” Charlie protested, and then leaned his head over and Nick felt him latch his teeth onto his neck. His stride faltered, the force of the feeling of Charlie biting him making his knees go weak.

“ Fuck , Charlie,” Nick moaned, and then turned his head to kiss Charlie breathless. This man was a menace and he fucking loved it.

“I think you’ll find I can take control whenever I like, thank you very much.” Nick retorted as he pulled away and started towards the bedroom again. Then he turned and looked at Charlie for a moment, his gaze softened.

“As long as you’re okay with it. Is this okay right now?” He checked in quickly, just to be sure. They had done this before and he knew Charlie loved it, but he wanted to be sure he was interested in this kind of play for their evening. Charlie nodded quickly and enthusiastically.

“Yes, yes, very, very okay.” he managed to get out, and Nick grinned.

“Good. Do you want to hear about what I’m going to do to you?” Nick asked as he entered his room, closed the door, and set Charlie down in front of him. He didn’t wait for Charlie to speak as he turned them both around and crowded into his space, backing him up against his bedroom door.

He couldn’t wait to show Charlie all the ways he loved him by making him feel good.

—

Nick decided not to take the train to Kent on Monday. Charlie knew he felt guilty about it, so he tried to keep reminding Nick that he didn’t owe his dad that visit. Especially when he was already struggling to keep up with his remaining coursework for the year. He reminded Nick that he was allowed, and should, prioritise his studies and his own mental health.

Charlie was very familiar with parental guilt trips given his own experiences with one Jane Spring. Anytime he chose to stay at uni, she gave him an earful. So he did what he could when he could see Nick struggling with that guilt from his dad for not showing up for the dinner.

He had wrapped up exams on Monday and since then had spent most of his free time with Nick. He was a study support as Nick barrelled towards his final exam and, after exams, they spent the few days before they went back to Rochester on cute dates, sleepovers every night, and lovesick joy.

Charlie had spoken to Tao, Isaac, and Elle at the diner the day after his fight with Nick, before their shift had started. He wasn’t going to tell them about Nick’s stuff with Noah or his dad– those were Nick’s stories to tell. He did tell them that the stress of exams had gotten to them and caused some communication trouble. He assured them, Tao especially, that it was a two way street and they had apologised to each other and things were okay.

Tao had been sceptical but ultimately dropped it with a huffy, “Fine, but if he is even slightly mean to you again, I’ll be sending him a strongly worded DM.”

That had made Charlie laugh so hard he couldn’t breathe, which had gotten the rest of them going and that was that.

Now Charlie was packing up his things for the train ride the next day. He was going to spend the evening at Nick’s before they left in the morning. His suitcase was open on the floor as he methodically went through his clothes and decided what would be best to take for the long weekend. 

He would be coming back with his parents to pack up the rest of his room for the summer holiday. He’d be looking for a flat for the following semester.

He hadn’t quite decided how he wanted to do that. He’d considered asking Tao, Elle, or Isaac if any or all of them might want to get a flat together. However, Tao and Elle were pretty settled in their own place and Isaac hadn’t mentioned needing or wanting to move.

The other option his brain sometimes flitted to and away from was asking Nick if he’d want to move in with him.

Charlie stepped over to his closet and pulled out a blue pair of converse and a second, green pair. He tucked them into the side of his suitcase carefully, keeping the soles away from his clothes.

They’d been together for almost 8 months and by the time the Fall semester started, they’ll have been together for almost a year. It could be too soon, but it didn’t feel too soon. He loved Nick and they were good together the vast majority of the time. They could figure out the ups and downs of living together. Besides, he was quite sure they’d spend every night together when they could anyway.

Charlie chuckled at that. It was true, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t nervous to ask Nick. 

He tucked his chosen shirts into the suitcase and then moved into the bathroom to pack up his toiletries. He put his toothbrush into his bag, added toothpaste, his curl cream, and face wash– all the while his heart rate continued to increase as he considered really asking his boyfriend to move in with him.

He tossed the full bag into his suitcase and shut it, zipping it up quickly so he could move it to the door. Charlie felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and stopped to pull it out.

Nick:

Hey Char, I’ve got my packing done! Want me to come by and help you with bringing your stuff to mine? 😍

Charlie snorted at the distinctly golden retriever vibes that text gave him. This man was ridiculous but he loved him.

Charlie:

yeah, i’m just about done so come on over ♥️

The response was instant.

Nick:

On my way!

Charlie smiled and then tucked his phone back in his pocket. He grabbed his sweater, his keys, and put on his most comfortable, beat up white converse. He tucked his laptop into his rucksack along with the charger, his notebooks, and his current read – Song of Achilles.

That wasn’t a new one for him but it was a favourite, and he liked to re-read it over the longer break.

He tossed the now full rucksack on top of his suitcase and then sat down on his bed, now stripped of sheets, and looked around the room. He had spent his first two years at Leeds here in this room, and it felt weird to go knowing that he’d be back next week to pack it all up. He was happy to be getting out of the dorms. They weren’t the most conducive to the quiet life he preferred, but he’d met Tao here and that had led to a lot of good things in his life – the diner, Elle, Isaac, and, now, Nick.

Maybe he should just blurt it out as soon as Nick arrives? He could rip it off like a bandaid so he could stop feeling so nervous. There was a knock on his door and Charlie started at the sound. That would be Nick. He’d been sitting and staring at the wall for longer than he thought. He felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest.

“Come in,” he called and the door swung open to reveal his golden retriever boyfriend.

Nick was in Charlie’s favourite pair of joggers, mostly because they fit him perfectly, and his pink, purple, and blue rugby jersey– the one he’d worn on their first date. A blush crept up Charlie’s neck as he stared at the fit-as-fuck man in front of him. How did he get so lucky? He couldn’t tear his eyes away.

“Charlie? You okay?” Nick’s expression shifted from joy at seeing Charlie into a slightly confused look. The blush spread into his cheeks as he shook his head and tore his gaze away from Nick.

“Yep, er, just couldn’t stop staring at my hot-as-hell boyfriend,” Charlie replied and Nick snorted but his expression had shifted again to unbridled joy at knowing Charlie had been checking him out.

Charlie really loved that particular look on Nick’s face. He deserved to smile all the damn time.

Charlie watched with bated breath as Nick stepped up between his legs where he was sitting on the bed, and leaned down until their noses were just brushing, eyes locked.

“Well, your hot-as-hell boyfriend wants to snog the living daylights out of you. We have time for that before we go, yeah?” Nick replied softly and Charlie could feel the puffs of air against his lips as he spoke. His breathing was getting erratic at this point and it was now the loudest thing in the room. He wasn’t even embarrassed. He loved the way Nick made him feel.

He nodded and managed to rasp out a shaky, “Yeah.”

And then Nick’s lips crashed into his with fervour and he felt Nick’s fingers tangle into the hair at the back of his head, securing him in place. Charlie groaned into his mouth, his lips parting immediately, allowing Nick’s tongue to slip inside. The kiss was hot and the sparks he always felt when Nick touched him like this were rocketing through his chest and radiating through the rest of his body.

He shuddered as Nick’s fingers tightened around his curls, gently pulling his head back so they were panting into each other's mouths, eyes locked again.

“Right. Come on. We should head over to mine.” Nick said, a little breathlessly, before slowly backing away from Charlie. Charlie groaned in frustration.

“I hate you. You did that on purpose just to watch me squirm,” he accused, pointing a finger at Nick and standing.

“No, you love me!” Nick retorted with a cheeky grin. “And, you’re right, I absolutely did do that on purpose. I regret nothing!”

“Alright, I do love you but I definitely don’t like you right now.” Charlie said, poking Nick in the chest before kissing him softly and then turning to grab his bag so they could go.

Nick grabbed his suitcase and they left once Charlie had locked the door to his room.

Charlie considered whether he should ask Nick on the walk over but he couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud, as they walked and talked about all their plans for the summer. He was pretty sure spending the summer with Nick was going to make this the best break he’d ever had. Maybe he’d even be able to handle his mum better, with Nick’s house as a place to escape to when things got tough.

He was looking forward to movie nights with their friends, walks in the park with Nellie and Henry, cute dates, and sleepovers.

It wasn’t until they had both settled in on Nick’s couch with a cup of tea that he finally felt like he could bring it up. He felt safe here, and the other boys had all left for home already. Nick had turned on Planet Earth since it was easy to watch, but they didn’t really have to pay close attention to it, and had a hand resting firmly on Charlie’s thigh.

He took a deep breath.

“Nick?” The name came out of his mouth softly but he had at least started. Charlie watched as Nick turned his attention from the show to look at him and he could feel his heart rate speeding up again. The nerves were almost unbearable.

“Yeah?”

Charlie took another deep breath and started with, “I wanted to ask you something but… honestly, I’m a bit nervous to ask it.”

He held his breath for a moment as he peeked up. Nick’s expression was nothing but open and full of love.

“It’ll be okay, you can ask me anything,” Nick replied with a smile. He took Charlie’s hand and squeezed it.

Charlie was pretty sure his heart was about to beat right out of his chest but he reminded himself that he could do hard things. He let out the breath he’d been holding. He needed to keep breathing through the nerves.

“Well, I haven’t said much about this yet except in passing, but I’m moving out of my dorm and… well… I’m planning to find a flat over the summer for the fall semester. And Tao and Elle are settled into their place and I know Isaac isn’t planning on moving… and… and… I just thought maybe…” The words stuck in his throat. Charlie could feel as Nick shifted so his entire body was now facing him. He could feel the heat radiating off of him as he scooted as close as he could get without sitting on Charlie’s lap.

“Char, are you trying to ask me what I think you’re trying to ask me?” Charlie looked up at Nick’s question and a breathy laugh escaped him. Nick looked ridiculously excited. If the man had a tail, it would be wagging right now. It kind of seemed like maybe he didn’t need to be so nervous after all.

“Um, yeah, I wanted to ask if you wanted to move in together. I know it’s a big step but I’ve been thinking a lot about it and the timing feels right and I feel really good about us. But, if you don’t want to, I’d understand… I know it’s a lot-” He didn’t get any further than that because Nick tackled him back into the couch and his word vomit turned to squeals and laughter.

“Nick! Nick, get off me!” He yelled with absolutely no heat behind the words, and then he was giggling again as Nick attacked his face with kisses.

Charlie felt the loss when Nick finally leaned back, pulling Charlie with him to an upright position.

“So… is that a yes, then?’ Charlie asked, his smile as wide as it could go. Nick immediately started nodding vigorously.

“Yes, obviously ! I would love to live with you, Char.” 

Charlie reached out and tangled their fingers together, needing the physical contact to keep him on earth as the feelings of love and adoration crashed through his body. It still amazed him just how much he felt for Nick and how strongly those feelings were returned.

“You really love me, don’t you?” 

Charlie looked back up as Nick spoke, surprised at the question. Nick looked happier than he’d ever seen him, but beyond that happiness there was also a new level of vulnerability in his expression that Charlie hadn’t seen before.

“Yeah, Nick, I really love you. I’m excited and grateful and happy that I get to be with someone as wonderful as you. I know we aren’t perfect, no one is. Pretty sure that’s just a part of being human. But I really love you and I want to be with you for as long as you’ll have me.”

Charlie leaned forward and kissed Nick softly and then wrapped his arms around him, squeezing tightly to try and convey all of the feelings he had about the man in his arms.

He felt it when Nick’s arms wrapped around him, pulling him even closer. They stayed like that for a while, heads buried in each other's necks, breathing one another in.

When they disentangled themselves, Nick nodded with teary eyes. 

“Sometimes I can’t believe how lucky I am to have met you, but I think it’s really starting to sink in. I really love you too and I can’t wait to live with you. We’ll figure out all the details over the summer and I’ll chat with the lads too, to get their thoughts.”

Nick slowly stood from the couch and Charlie looked up at him.

“In the meantime, I want as much time with you as I can get and, right now, I want you in my bed.” Charlie laughed when Nick held his hand out to him.

He reached up and took the proffered hand and was pulled to his feet so quickly, he found himself pressed up against his boyfriend’s chest. He shivered as Nick snaked an arm around his waist, pulling him even tighter against him, and his breath hitched in his chest.

Nick leaned in and kissed him hard, sliding his hand underneath the line of Charlie’s trousers and pawing at his arse. Charlie wrapped his arms around Nick, threading his fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck and deepened the kiss.

If they moved in with Nick’s current flatmates, those boys were going to get very annoyed with them, very quickly, and Charlie really didn’t mind in the slightest.

Charlie pulled away first and tugged Nick towards his bedroom. They may have been home alone but the bed was the most comfortable option. As soon as they made it into his room, Charlie found himself being pushed down onto the bed, strong arms on either side of his head as Nick gazed down at him with equal parts fondness and need.

“I love you,” Nick whispered and Charlie giggled.

“I love you too, you giant rugby idiot.”