Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Being a girl had changed Benny.

No- no. Playing a girl had changed Benny.

Dressing up in a wig and pretty skirt and finally having an excuse to put makeup on like he always wanted to didn’t make him a girl. But it did change things.

Especially things between him and Rory.

Maybe that was his fault. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way Rory smiled at him when he was posing as her. About the way Rory’s hand felt on his- on her? On their chin. The way Rory had made him feel... wanted. Ever since Benny had posed as a girl, his understanding of what Rory meant to him shifted. His understanding of everything shifted

He found himself feeling bad that he wasn’t really a girl. Not just for his own sake, but, honestly, for Rory’s sake as well. As odd as it was, a part of Benny wished that he had been a girl just so he could give his friend a girlfriend that he knew he deserved.

That was why he did it. He wanted to give Rory some closure.

That was why he was still up, thirty minutes after he would normally have gone to bed, with a face full of makeup and his cheer uniform. He was writing. Scribbling, wadding and throwing, stopping to glance again in the mirror at his feminine self before the cycle repeated.

There was no reason for Benny to still be disguised as Betty. He was in his own home, and he wasn’t even a cheerleader anymore— but, Rory’s closure had to come from Betty. Or at least, Benny was convinced it had to come from Betty. As if anyone would be able to tell what ‘Betty’ looked like as she wrote the letter. So really, there was one reason. Just not a great one.

“Hey, Rory… Sorry to hear your girlfriend moved away” Ethan began.

“But-” Benny added, pulling the pink paper from his back pocket, “I did bump into her, and she asked me to give you this.”

The note was handed over, and Ethan gave Benny a strange look as Rory read it.

Ethan had been against the idea from the moment he knew about it. He thought Benny doing this would be the opposite of what Rory needed. He thought it would lead him on some wild goose chase. That’s what he told Benny at least. But he also told Benny that he couldn’t- and wouldn’t- stop Benny if he really thought that was what was best for their friend. And Benny did

Despite being against the plan altogether, Ethan was nervous. Benny was too. He had done his best to disguise the note. He did everything he could do to mask his handwriting, he’d sprayed some of his grandma’s perfume on the note, and he’d even gone as far as to kiss the paper and leave a lipstick mark just for believability. But what if Rory saw through all that? What if he recognized Benny’s handwriting and thought Benny was trying to play with his feelings?

Well... By the way he was starting to rise upwards as if he were literally lighter than air. Benny was pretty sure he was off the hook.

Chapter Text

Playing a girl had changed Benny.

It wasn’t just that he now had days where he felt like he needed to put that wig back on, where he ached to wear makeup have the people around him call him Betty again. It wasn’t even the fact that he now found himself going into those girly clothing stores and admiring the girly clothes, wishing he could buy them for himself so that ‘Betty’ would have a bigger arsenal of clothes

No, while all these changes were real, they were only part of the picture. The biggest shift was how he saw Rory.

Instead of seeing Rory as the geeky blond guy who seemed unlikely to land a girlfriend, Benny now saw him in a completely different light. Rory appeared to Benny as a cute, sweet, funny, gentle, kind, and loving guy. It was an unsettling realization.

Benny found himself replaying moments with Rory, seeing him through this new lens. Every smile, every kind word, now felt charged with a deeper significance. It was confusing and strange. Rory had always been one of Benny’s best friends. This wasn’t how you were supposed to think of your best friends. And, honestly, this wasn’t even the worst of Benny’s newfound thoughts.

The worst was his imagination. He would imagine- in so much detail that he could only guess that this was what Ethan’s visions felt like- Rory.

Rory would reach out, touch Benny’s arm, and his hand would slide upwards, eventually gripping his shoulder. He’d look at Benny with so much love on his face. Sometimes he would come in close as if to kiss him.

It was messed up. It was a terrible and messed up way to think about a close friend.

“Benny!” A hand pressed into Benny’s shoulder, pushing him back, pulling him out of what had to have been another daydream.

“Ror— uh. Ethan!” Benny said, trying to push the thought of Rory from his head. Rory wasn’t here tonight, he was with his moms.

Ethan sighed a little, his eyes glancing over Benny’s face. “Something’s not right..”

“What do you, uhh, mean?” Benny asked, trying to give the illusion that nothing was off.

“I mean you, Benny. You aren’t right. You haven’t been since the whole thing with Stephanie. Did she..?” Ethan trailed, not really knowing what to ask.

It’d been a week now since Betty and Veronica’s time as cheerleaders ended and Ethan didn’t seem to care one bit. Whenever Benny tried to inquire if Ethan missed any of it, he’d always respond that he was glad to not have to wear that wig or cake his face anymore. Benny was the opposite of glad for these circumstances to have gone back to normal.

“She didn’t like put a spell on me or anything if that’s what you’re asking.” Benny said, picking up the game controller, a silent way of saying he was ready to do what he’d gone to Ethan’s to do (obliterate him in Zombie Crushers 3). Ethan nodded. “And even if she did, it would have like- gone away after Grandma took her power.”

“So whats up then?”

Benny shook his head. Something was, in fact, up, but despite how much time he spent thinking about it, he wouldn’t know how to put it into words. “Just thinking about how I’m going to crush so many more zombies than you”

“Yeah right.”

Benny sat at his desk, glancing at the clock. It wasn’t that late. Fourty-five minutes after he wanted to be in bed, but makeup took time.

Benny again was Betty. He told himself that It wasn’t for him. He hadn’t spent thirty-five minutes trying to get his makeup perfect for him. It was for Rory. It’d been a week Betty and Veronica had ‘moved away’ and Rory still hadn’t stopped talking about them. Read: talking about Betty. So Benny- as Betty- would write Rory another note. Just to help ease him.

It took a while. Writing wasn’t Benny’s strong suit. But with his feminine persona and the thought of Rory in his mind, he was able to write something that- once again- felt perfect.

                           My dearest Rorikins.

How I’ve missed you, sweet boy. Going without you every day has been like asking the moon to forget her stars. She could never forget her stars, nor could I mine, my love.

I wish I’d been able to spend more time with you before I went away. We c should have gone to the arcade or seen a movie. I could have come over to your place even. Met your parents. Do you tell them about me?

I really have to go, but do promise me, Rorikins, that you won’t let not being with me hold you back from happiness.

With so much love

                               -Betty

Benny read over the letter multiple times. He wanted to write things like “I love you” and “don’t forget about me” but that might have been going too far. He was supposed to be providing closure, not egging Rory on to chase a girl who- according to Ethan- “never even existed in the first place”. He stood from his desk when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. A glimpse of Betty in the mirror. He’d done all this work to look a way that he thought was perfect, and now he was just going to… take it all off? That seemed unfair. And there was no one around that would admire the Betty look for him. No one other than Rory, and Rory wasn’t here, and Rory couldn’t know that Benny was Betty and he couldn’t just snap a picture and pretend it came from—

Benny looked at the note in his hand. He’d take a picture. Rory deserved a picture.

Benny searched through his room until he found the polaroid camera he’d been given years prior. He needed film. He needed envelopes too. He sighed to himself and looked at the clock. It was late. The nearest store was open 24/7 but. The next day was a school day and Benny really needed sleep.

Benny sat on the edge of his bed weighing pros and cons. If he went to the store, he could give Rory the letter tomorrow. If he waited then he might as well not go at all because he’d have to take the outfit off for the night. If he went to the store, he’d have to go dressed like this and people would see him dressed like this and-

It was like 1:15 am. Benny, in his cheerleader uniform and wig, rode his bike to the 24/7 place. His grandma tended not to take him shopping on account of a few years back he’d managed to knock over an entire aisle, so chances of him being recognized for Benny would hopefully be low. Still, his heart shuddered with the excitement of the idea that someone who didn’t know Benny would get a glimpse of Betty tonight.

A couple of things popped into his mind as he biked. How was he going to justify getting this letter from Betty? Where would he even take the picture? It had to be somewhere Rory wouldn’t recognize. If he had brought his camera, he could maybe make a detour at like, a park. Take the picture next to some tree. But he didn’t. He’d have to do it at home somewhere in his home. Maybe the backyard. And what about getting the letters to Rory? Could he say that maybe Betty had mailed him the letter? Could he just start mailing the letters straight to Rory? He could say he gave her Rory’s address. Maybe. He wasn’t going all the way to Rory’s place just to drop a letter in his mailbox tonight though. He wouldn't get to bed till like 2am if he did that, so, he’d hand deliver this note and then deliver the others by mail.

Benny sat his bike against the rack and walked inside, a bell jangling over his head as he walked into the building. Benny glanced around, his heartbeat beginning to race, if someone recognized him dressed as this, his life would be over. He didn’t see anyone he knew

Benny had gone to the store for Polaroid film, but as he was on his way to the envelopes, something pink caught his eye. It was a stationary set. Pink paper and animal-themed pens. It had stickers and stamps and cute girly little erasers and-

“It’ll be good for my letters.” Betty— Benny said to himself, smiling as she— he picked up the stationary set. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling. It was a big, wide, toothy grin, all to himself as he stood alone in the aisle of the store holding a pink stationary set while wearing an old cheer uniform. He felt… euphoric.

He opened his wallet, counting the amount of cash he had on hand. He didn’t normally buy things other than video games and he may or may not have been using magic to do odd jobs around the town and rack up some cash. He was already here and Betty needed at least one non cheer uniform outfit, so…

‘Betty’ held a cropped tank top up to ‘her’ chest, and couldn’t decide whether to smile or frown. It was a cute white shirt and it was so soft, but Benny couldn’t shake the feeling that it wouldn’t look good on Betty. She didn’t really have breasts

“That has a boob window and you dont really… have any of those” came a voice from next to him, Benny looked over, wide eyed, to see a somewhat tired woman who seemed to be in her twenties. “I mean if you want to look extra flat, go for it, I’m no judge, but I definitely think we could find you something else.”

Benny opened his mouth, and then, like a fish, closed it again. He didn’t know what to say.

“Okay, well.. I don’t know why you’re staring at me like I’m speaking fucking martian to you, but if you want my advice, just follow me. Otherwise, walk away.” the older woman said before turning around and walking. Benny was frozen for a second before quickly following along behind.

The woman in front of him was a little pale. She had long, black hair and he lipstick was very dark. She was maybe half a foot taller than Benny too. And slender. “So I mean,” the woman continued. “Not telling you what to do or anything, but when I was your age, I would stuff my bra.”

Benny, doing his best to sound high pitched and feminine, laughed nervously. “Stuff your..?”

“You just ball up a bunch of socks and put them into your bra. What kind of bras do you wear?”

“What kind of..”

The girl turned around and benny took the time to her over. She wore a black skirt and like. Leggings with holes. She wore the company shirt, but a black jacket over it. She began to speak, “Don’t tell me you don’t wear a bra.” she then paused before looking Benny over. “Well, you might actually not need one.”

It was like Benny blinked and suddenly they were in the women’s underwear section. He felt heat rise to his face as he kept his gaze on the ground.

“Take these.” The woman continued, handing Benny a bra. “And stuff a bunch of clean socks in them. Now, as for clothes you would look good in…”

At the checkout line, Benny paid for the stationary, the film, and the envelopes, but the new bra, skirt, shirt, and socks he got were “on me” as the woman said, quickly followed by, “I steal shit from here all the time.”

Benny smiled, thanking the woman again as he took his bags and prepared to leave. She stopped him, asking what his name was.

“It.. It’s Betty.”

“See ya around, Betty.”

“What's yours?”

“Eh, you might find out at some point. Get home and get some sleep.”

“Thank you again. For everything.”

“It’s nothin’”

“Goodnight”

“Get out of here. Go to bed, girl”

That had to have been the best night of Benny’s whole life.

Chapter Text

Dressing up as a girl had changed Benny

He got home late, exhausted. He took his picture, got his letter together, and went to bed, alseep practically the second his head hit his pillow.

He woke up cold and wet, water dumped all over him. He was about to be late for school and Grandma Weir wasn’t happy.

“I am not going to ask why you’re still dressed like that and you don’t have to tell me,” she began, “But get in the shower, clean yourself up, and get ready for school. Ethan’s already went.”

Ethan and Rory usually biked to school together, but Benny didn’t mind to go alone. He needed to clear his mind anyways. He needed to stop thinking about Rory.

But he wasn't good at that. Like. At all. His mind filled with images of the boy’s smile and the way his blue eyes had pierced so attentively into him that one day he’d been Betty. His hand on Betty’s chin. “Dude!” He heard Rory's voice ring so clearly that he couldn't help but to smile.

“I heard Betty was in town last night.” That pulled him out of his thoughts. He went from seeing imagery of Rory to… seeing imagery of Rory, as Rory was right next to him, ready to talk more about his beloved cheerleader.

Benny was exhausted. He bit his tongue to try to get a feel of if this was also a daydream, and he was pretty sure it wasn't. Seeing Rory, hyper and happy and cute as ever gave him just a little more energy for the day.

“You know, I think she was. Cause this showed up in my mailbox this morning and seeing as its addressed to ‘Rorikins’, I think its for you.”

“Really?” Rory asked, snatching the letter from Benny’s hands and excitedly going to rip it open.

“Hey. Lets.. get inside before you read that.” Benny said, putting a hand on Rory’s shoulder as he tried to guide the other into the building. He didn’t feel like watching Rory float away.

Rory was estatic. After the initial ‘be shocked and start floating’ segment, Rory couldn’t shut up about Betty. “Godd, I’m going to marry her one day.”

Benny smiled to himself, feeling uncontrollably warm. He patted Rory’s shoulder. “I’m going to head to class. Have fun, man”

The day was going. Benny was trying his best to keep up with the class, but the fact that the current lesson was filled with information he already knew didn’t mix well with the fact that he couldn’t stop thinking about the last night.

Going out dressed as a girl, getting help and advice as if he were a girl. Benny had to smile at the thought. At the knowledge that in his room under his bed was a brand new outfit and it was his. His to wear. It was enough to make Benny feel like he was the one floating.

“Benny, I know what you did.”

That took Benny out of his good mood. He stared at the guy in front of him- at Ethan, looking nervous. “You do?”

“Yes, Benny. I do. You wrote Rory another letter.”

Benny felt muscles he didn’t know had tensed relax. He was scared he was found out. Found out for going to that store yesterday. He was scared the entire school knew he still dressed up as a girl. But it was just the letter. Maybe Benny’s secret was still safe.

“I did.”

“Why?”

“He doesn’t stop talking about her. I wanted him to know Betty’s thinking about him too.”

“Dude!” Ethan whisper-yelled harshly. “There is no Betty- YOU are Betty. You’re leading him on. Setting him up!”

“I’m helping him, man. I’m sure he’ll be all over the next chick he has the option to be all over but until then, whats wrong with boosting his ego? He feels loved.”

“He wants to MARRY her, Benny, marry you! Do you want to play this game till marriage? Put on a dress and be Rory’s wife?”

That.. didn’t sound too bad… maybe it was a little early to think about getting married- Benny kind of wanted to explore the dating stage first, but… it didn't sound terrible.

God, something was very wrong with Benny.

“Benny!” Ethan’s voice cracked

“He- He probably doesn’t actually want to marry her. He’ll forget about Betty the moment someone else gives him the time” Benny bit his tongue. Did he believe what he was saying? Yeah. He did. There was no logical reason that Rory would still care about a woman who could only communicate with him through fake handwriting on pink paper slips tucked away in his mailbox after he found a new pretty girl to pursue.

Why does it hurt Benny so badly to know that?

Benny shook his head, trying to push away the notion entirely, but Ethan didn’t seem willing to let up. “I don’t get why you’d lead him on to make him think that this girl is out there loving him.”

Betty did love Rory.

Benny opened his mouth to say that- that Betty did love Rory. That there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that Betty loved Rory. That if Benny and Betty were seperate people, Betty would be head over heels for Rory the same she is now. That she would falling off in class and losing hours at home because she would close her eyes and imagine Rory being in her arms the same way Benny was now.

He closed his mouth pretty quickly. Even he didn’t understand the thoughts flying through his head.

Betty wasn’t real. Not to Ethan at least. And to admit that Betty loved Rory would mean for Benny to have to admit something about himself. About his own feelings for Rory. Something he wasn’t ready to admit even to himself yet, so Benny just sighed.

“Alright man. I get it, I’m not… I’m not helping him.”

“Okay. Good. So… Sarah asked me to help her out with something like right after school so. I’m not going to be able to bike home with you today. See you around?”

“Yeah, man. Good luck with her.” Benny winked, making Ethan roll his eyes before turning to go off. Leaving Benny feeling way more alone than he should have felt.

At home, Benny laid on his bed, his imagination getting the best of him again. He imagined being snuggled into Rory’s side with Rory’s arm comfortingly around him. They were on a date. An ice cream date, it seemed, and Rory reached to touch Benny— Touch Betty’s face, wiping some ice cream from her chin. Betty smiled and they kissed and it was warm and yet cold and Icecream flavored and-

Fuck.

Why was Benny always thinking about kissing Rory nowadays? It was getting out of hand, it was… fucked up. Benny sat up from his bed, glancing over at his desk where his pink stationary sat.

Ethan was probably right. Writing these letters probably was fucking Rory over. He probably was leading Rory on, and that wasn’t right. But it didn’t feel like leading him on, it felt like... like being honest. Benny felt like his entire life was becoming a lie and the only time he was truly being himself was when he wasn’t being himself at all. Was when he was being her.

Betty did love Rory. She still does. And even if Benny doesn’t have the priveledge of getting to be Betty, what was so wrong with Betty being in love? Whats so wrong with Betty being able to be honest with herself once every couple of weeks? Being able to write a letter on pink paper that was about her feelings and sign it with a special little ‘-Betty’? Why was it wrong for Betty— for Benny to be happy?

The fact that it’s Rory.

If it was anyone else it wouldn’t be a big deal, but Rory was different. Rory was an old friend, and a cute little guy. He totally had the chance to get with somebody else, but not if a not even that real girl took all his attention. Benny knew that last part may not have been the truest statement. Rory didn’t exactly have the best luck with girls, but he couldn’t wrap himself around why. As cute and funny as he was, anybody should have been lined up to date him.

If only Benny had been a girl. An actual girl. Born as a girl and all. Then he could have Rory all to himself.

Why couldn’t he have had that one little thing? Being born a girl, was that really so much to ask? He could dress up, yeah. And he liked dressing up. It made him feel happy. It made him feel honest and real and true. But playing dress up doesn’t make you a girl.

Chapter Text

Wanting to be a girl had changed Benny

Lately he’s been feeling more emotional.

Lots of happy emotions have come into his life. This, joyous euphoric feeling he felt when he could wear girly clothes and surround himself with feminine things; the innocent joy he felt the first time he’d put on a shirt after stuffing his bra and seeing just how much that could do for him; the squealy happiness that bubbled within him when he heard the words ‘Betty’ and ‘she’ or ‘her’ come from Rory’s mouth even if Rory didn’t know that Benny was the Betty he was she/her ing.

Of course, Benny could feel happy before, plenty of things made him happy, but compared to the inner euphoria Betty brought into his life, things like video game and how many marshmallows he could shove in his mouth seemed… futile. Video games and marshmallows were still fun, but, Benny had found new happiness in other places. Which would have been a good tradeoff if it weren’t for the other emotions.

It wasn’t just happy, joyous feelings that Benny was seeming to newly get access to. Sometimes when he looked in the mirror he felt like his heart would drop into his stomach. It just felt wrong. Like he was lying to himself. Benny was pretty attractive, at least he’d always considered himself pretty attractive, but sometimes when he looked in the mirror, he ached to see something else. Aching. That was the other new feeling. The desire that bled into frustration over what could truly be the smallest things. He ached to buy new clothes, he ached to buy a new wig, he ached to be Rory’s girlfr—

Rory.

None of the negative feelings Benny had gained recently compared to the guilt he felt about Rory. He was guilty that his feelings for Rory were warping from normal to incredibly messed up; he was guilty that he writing Rory those letters- love letters; and he was guilty that he couldn’t give Rory the girlfriend he knew Rory deserved. The girlfriend that- deep down, despite trying to push it away- he knew he wanted to be for Rory. And he was guilty that he was keeping all of this a secret. Guilt was eating Benny inside out. But he couldn’t stop.

He didn’t stop writing letters. He tried to. He really, really wanted to. He hated feeling like he was leading Rory on, but he loved feeling like a girl. He loved dressing in feminine clothing and writing feminine notes and then hearing Rory blather on about the girl that he loved.

He was a terrible guy for this. Selfish. An asshole. But he couldn’t help it.

“You’re going to have to tell Rory the truth,” Ethan began. After Betty’s fourth letter to Rory, Ethan had to pull Benny in for another talk where Benny admitted he just couldn’t stop. That he just liked to see Rory happy and knew stopping would crush him. “If he knows it’s you, you won’t be pressured to do this anymore. There won’t be a reason to.”

And even though Benny hated the idea, Ethan set it into motion, inviting Benny to hang out at Rory’s place while he himself dropped out last minute because ‘Sarah needs me for something.’

Benny sat awkwardly in Rory’s bed, trying not to let his thoughts get the better of him.

“Its a shame Ethan had to leave so suddenly,” Rory said, pulling Benny from his rapidly accelerating thoughts. “Cause like. He’s the one who even wanted to hang out.”

Benny nodded in agreement. “Yeah. Sucks.”

Then it was quiet. Too quiet. Too awkward. Nervousness flooded through Benny’s system, had he really let things between him and his dear friend get this bad?

He had to pull it together. He had to say something. Okay. You can do this man. You can do this. Deep breath in… deep breath out… deep breath in- “Hey, dude. Do you ever wonder what it’s like to… be a girl? Or like… What if you were one?”

“Mm. Yeah, sometimes.” Rory shrugged, as if wishing you were a girl was a completely normal occurrence. “I mean like I wake up some days and then check how I look in my camera ‘cause I can’t see me in the mirror anymore, and then I just,” he shrugged again, “I’d be a chick today if I could. I guess.” Rory opened his laptop, assumably to see his own reflection, as his camera was fixed. “But then sometimes it goes away, you know? Like now. I don’t wish I was a chick now.”

Benny nodded, glancing upwards at the imagery of himself in the Rory’s laptop. Benny did wish he was a girl now. He always did.

Why wasn’t the experience Rory explained the same as what Benny had? Why couldn’t he just be normal? Just for once.

“I-” Benny began, but was interrupted.

“You know, I think Betty might be magical. Like you!” Rory said, clearly beaming with delight.

“wh…at?”

“You remember when you and your grandma brought me an Ethan to that magic stuff store? And I couldn’t go in because it was someone’s house and they wouldn’t invite me in, but then you came back with cool little bottles of glowy stuff?”

Benny nodded, trying to figure out where this was going. What had he let slip?

“Well,” Rory continued, reaching under his bed for a small box. “She’s been sending me these really adorable pictures. And in the background of this one is a shelf of all of these glowy bottles and stuff. Just like you and your grandma have!” He opened the box and showed Benny the topmost polaroid. A polaroid Benny had already seen because he’d been the one to take the picture. He took the picture in that room because it was a room he was sure Rory had never seen before. He honestly didn’t think Rory was smart enough to make that kind of connection.

Or realize the letters and pictures he was sending Rory were deemed important enough to be kept. Now he really felt like an asshole.

“Well.” Benny said, chuckling nervously. “Thats.. so cool. Two spellmasters in your life.”

God, Benny, you’re such a fucking liar.

“I know right?” Rory was still just absolutely beaming, beyond happy. “Two of my most favorite people too.”

He couldn’t. He just.. Couldn’t ruin the illusion for Rory. Not here. Not like this. He sighed before standing up, walking over to his backpack where he started to pull something out. “I beat Ethan’s ass in Zombie Crushers at the beginning of the month. You wanna try me?”

“Uh. Yeah!” Rory said, rushing into a different room to set up everything they’d need for a day of gaming.

“Did you tell him?”

“No, I… I couldn’t. I will. Trust me. I will. Just. Not yet. I can’t yet.”

“You’re just making things harder, dude. Rip off the bandaid.”

“I will- just.. not yet. I have a… person. I want to ask her for advice.”

“Who?”

“Does it matter who?” Benny snapped, pausing immediately after. “This. This whole thing is- stressful, Ethan. I’ll tell him, just,” he sighed “I need time.”

“Okay, dude.” Ethan hung up the video chat, leaving Benny staring at the reflection of himself in the screen. He sighed again and closed his laptop, standing up. It was getting late and he had somewhere to go.

“Betty. Good to see you again. Thought I scared you off and you, like, went stealth or something.”

“Went… stealth?”

The worker smiled a little. “You’re cute.” she smiled, not elaborating on what ‘stealth’ meant in this context. “I see you’re rocking the fit we picked out for you.”

Benny nodded, looking down at himself. They’d picked a black crop top and a pink skirt. Benny had even shaved his legs. He felt… good.

“I was.. wondering. I’m having… uhm… boy problems.”

“Boy problems? Well, its been a long time since I’ve been with any boys. But I can try to help. Tell me what’s up, girl.” She said as she propped herself up on her register counter, resting her chin in her palm and using her upper thigh to hold it there.

“I think I’ve been catfishing him. I-” he sighed. “I’ve been writing him letters and stuff as this girl who ‘moved away’ and it makes him really, really happy. But like. Eventually I’ll have to tell him its been me the whole time. It’s…” Benny made a gesture with his hands as if to say ‘worthless’. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Sounds like a pickle.” The other said, popping the P.

“A big deal pickle.” Benny agreed, earning a chuckle.

“Well, I think the first thing you should do is ask yourself why you're doing it. Do you like this boy?”

Benny bit his tongue. He did like Rory, didn't he? That's why he was in this mess in the first place. But that couldn't be right, you weren't supposed to like your friends like that. You were supposed to like hot girls you never really talked to before like that. Not a cute, geeky kid you grew up with who reminded you in every way of the human- well- not-so-human version of a golden retriever.

“I'll take that as a yes” the woman smirked, hopping up from where she was sitting.

Benny, obviously, had an earth priestess grandmother. But somehow, this pretty ravenette lady in the store, felt like a fairy godparent to him. It was like without using any magic at all she could fix an issue Benny was having.

Like the issue of his inability to admit he had a crush on Rory. He still couldn’t say it, but he could nod. And she knew what he meant.

“And you want him to like you too. But he won’t like you if you aren’t the girl you’re catfishing as.”

In awe, Benny nodded. Exactly. He wanted Rory to like him so badly but he knew Rory was only really capable of loving Betty.

“Why?”

Benny thought about it for a moment. About all the things that Betty was for Rory that Benny could never be. “She’s.. pretty,” Benny began, “He thinks she’s beautiful. And- She’s.. she’s happier, I think. More bubbly and stuff, and I’m.. I’m just.. his friend. One of his best friends.” Benny opened his mouth, about to continue with the slightly more obvious. ‘And she’s a girl’ before remembering who he was with and what he was wearing. He didn’t know this cashier outside of the store and she didn’t know him either. She only knew Benny as Betty. And Benny really didn’t want to ruin that.

“Are you catfishing him with someone else’s picture?”

Benny furrowed his eyebrows. How would that even be possible? “No.”

“You’re using your own face?”

“Yes.”

“So he thinks you are pretty then.”

Benny opened his mouth to argue, but what could he say. Rory actually thought Betty was pretty because Betty had long hair and looked like a girl, but he couldn’t. There was no way to say the things he wanted to say without giving himself away.

“Here’s my advice.” The woman said, patting Betty’s shoulder. “Spend some extra time with him. Time around him. Take him for icecream. Slowly slip the traits he likes her for into yourself. Act a little more bubbly around him if it’s the bubbliness he likes. Maybe that will work.”

“He’d find it strange. If I suddenly stopped acting like me and started acting like her.”

“She’s a part of you, Betty. Don’t worry about what other people think and. Like. Be true to yourself.”

Something about that sent a weird feeling through Benny. He furrowed his eyebrows in thought. This shouldn’t be as serious of a question for him- but-

If Benny could be himself- without worrying about what other people thought, without worrying about ridicule from his peers and his friends and even maybe his grandma- would he be Betty?

Chapter Text

“It… It’s not that easy-” Benny began

“Nothing ever is.”

Benny sighed.— Betty? Sighed.

This.. this feeling. Was getting bad. Benny didn’t know who he was anymore. What he was anymore. He felt like. Something from another planet. Like an alien, or.. Or like he was trapped as someone he wasn’t. It was weird.

Not here though.

Not standing in front of his raven-haired savior, the one person in the world who knew him as Betty. Here, everything was perfect. But they weren’t talking about here. They were talking about home. About Rory. About what Benny was expected to be. And that stressed him out. Just the thought made him feel trapped. Squished inside of a small box. A box with a label that didn’t fit. Why were things like this? Why was HE like this?

“Betty.” Betty— Benny looked up at the woman standing in front of him, “What you’re going through right now? It’s tough.” she continued.

“You don’t even know the half of it.” Benny tried to laugh off the pain, his fake girly voice cracking.

“Oh, you sweet girl.” The employee said- and the warmth. The warmth that spread through Benny at the feeling. Sweet Girl. Benny wasn’t a girl. What was wrong with him? Why did those words make him smile?

The employee standing in front of Benny, that Benny still didn’t know the name of, she looked mean. She had dark hair and pale skin. Her makeup was eerie, Eyeliner black, eyeshadow grey. Sometimes her words came off in a sharp tone. But. She had to have been the nicest person Betty— Benny had ever met. She was so… there for her.

“How many of your friends are girls?”

“What?”

“How many of your-”

“None. No, I uh. I. Maybe one, but, she’s more of like. My best friend is into her and- its a whole thing. Most my friends are boys.”

“Well. We are going to have to change that. You’re in highschool, right?” The girl asked, reaching into the desk behind her and grabbing an index card.

“Yeah. A freshman.” Benny nodded.

“Well. I’m a little too old to be your new best friend,” Benny figured she was in her early 20s, “But, I know some girls around the area. We can-”

“No!” Benny interrupted. A little too quickly. Then he winced. “I.. uhh..” He couldn’t be around girls from his school. This Betty disguise would only go so far. And if he ended up at a meet-up with girls he’d flirted with in the past, that would be way too awkward.

“They’re not from here, Bets, don’t get your panties in a twist.”

Benny squinted at the expression, but didn’t get a chance to ask: what

“Look.” The girl continued, writing something down on the index card. “Friday night, this address. I promise you it will be fun.” She pushed the index card into the other’s hands. 

Benny had no clue what to think, but he nodded. “I. I’ll be there. What time?”

“Try to be there at about…. six?”

“Alright.”

“Now go home, Bets. It’s late.” She said, her tone was sharp, but Benny could tell her intentions were caring. Benny nodded, but before he could turn to leave, she handed him a bag. “None of it’s stolen this time. Promise,” She winked, “NOW get out of here.”

“Thank you..”

“You’re welcome, Betty. Go get that man or whatever.” There was humor in the girl’s tone, and Benny couldn’t help but to smile.

As soon as the door closed behind him, that smile dropped and he let out a labored sigh. The flourescent lighting of the building left him in the dark, In the chill of the outside air. He’d had a nice few minutes as Betty, but now it was time to go home. To be Benny again. That was chillier. And darker.

Benny stared at himself in the mirror. 

Benny. Betty. Benny. Betty. Benny. 

“You are not a girl.” He told himself, starting to get frustrated with the happenings around him, “What’s wrong with you?”

The mirror gave no answer.

He thought about asking his grandma, but what would he say? He’d gone through his spellbook twice in hopes of something that would help. Both times lingering on truth serum, but rejecting it both times, because if he knew the truth, he wouldn’t be doing this.

Truth be told, it was pissing Benny off. Big time. There was something majorly fucking wrong with him. Guys didn’t look in the mirror desperate to have been born women. They didn’t-

Benny paused. 

Guys didn’t look in the mirror desperate to be women. Except. Maybe they did. He remembered Rory saying something like that he did. That sometimes he wanted to be a girl. Maybe. Maybe this was normal and Benny’s was just. Extra. Maybe this was a teenage phase that he was going through. He could try to ask his dad about it. Or maybe Mr. Morgan would know? Could he even ask his dad or Mr. Morgan. It would be such an awkward thing to try to get through, but who else could he ask? 

Benny’s eyes flickered to his desk, where the index card lay. It might not help him with his identity, but it would at least help him feel accepted, right? But who would be there? What would they even be doing? Did he need to bring anything? With a sigh he left the mirror, heading to his desk for the card. He stared at it. Held it in his hands. Flipped it around a few times. The letters were written in pink glitter pen, but there wasn’t anything but an address. Benny had never been this much of an overthinker, but he wished that there had at least been a phone number so he could text and ask.

Friday. That was tomorrow night. Benny took a heavy breath. He wanted to meet people, to have people meet him as a her. As Betty. But how far would the disguise get him? What would happen if they realized Betty wasn’t a girl at all. Would they ridicule him? Would they laugh?

Benny would have to come clean. Explain to the cashier that he wasn’t a she at all. As much as he wanted to be, he was just Benny, and that’s all he would ever be. It ached in his insides to think such things, but such things were the truth, weren’t they? Benny knew what his body looked like. Some high-school probably-a-teenage-phase didn’t change that. It was just that. Maybe other guys around him were better at hiding it or something.

He looked back to the mirror. It was all the fault of this stupid costume. He took off the wig. None of this would have even started if he hadn’t ever put it on. He took off the wig cap. Sure, he’d imagined being a girl before, dressing up, what it’d be like. He grabbed a wipe and started to rub off the makeup. But actually allowing himself to give in, not only dressing as a girl but convincing Ethan to do the same. He started to remove the feminine clothes. This costume was the reason he felt like this. Like a girl. 

He looked back up. In the mirror, he saw a boy. A boy who wanted to be a girl so bad it was tearing her up inside. Even after taking off the wig and makeup and skirt. He still looked to himself like a boy pretending to be a girl. Defeated, he went to bed.

School. 

Rory was in his ear. “So. I heard Betty was in town yesterday, which is really awesome, but she didn’t put a letter in my mailbox this time.”

Benny knew Rory had been talking for a couple of minutes, but that was the only sentence that went into his head and was comprehended. 

“What? Betty? Here? How do you know?”

“Erica said she saw her.” Rory shrugged and panic started to flood Benny’s system. Erica had seen? Did she know? Would she tell everyone? Had she already told everyone? Benny was trying to get over this whole girl thing, Erica going out and telling the world definitely wasn’t helping. 

“Are you.. okay?” Rory asked, a hand on Benny’s shoulder. The feeling- the contact- made the heat rise to his face. So much was going on that his brain didn’t have enough time to fill itself over and over with thoughts about Rory. But that didn’t mean the… feelings Benny had were able to go away. Benny stepped backwards, Rory’s hand falling from his shoulder and his internal body temperature falling as well.

“I’m.. Fine.. I have to… pee.” Benny lied, pointing towards the bathroom.

“Oh. Okay.” Rory nodded, his multiple-minute monologue coming to an end as he watched Benny walk away.

Benny locked himself inside a stall. He just needed to be- away- from Rory for a second. Clear his mind. Figure out what to do about Erica. Should he talk to her? Would she listen? He had to put a stop to this game. It was going to ruin his life if he didn’t. He would grow up to regret this whole… thing. Even if a little voice in his head told him Betty was happier. Betty wouldn’t last forever. Betty was a phase and he needed to push it out before it ruined him.

The bell rang. Benny was late. He hadn’t even heard the warning bell run, and honestly, he didn’t even want to go to class. He wasn’t going to go. Not when he risked the entire school knowing he wore wigs and skirts in his free time. He needed to leave. To go home. To go to that store. Call everything off.

His phone buzzed. Rory. ‘where are u man ? Were worried about u ;<’

Benny stared at his phone for a moment. Rory. Worried about him? Why did that make him feel so warm? ‘I dont feel too hot’ he responded, despite the fact that thinking about Rory was- in fact- making him feel very hot. 

Rory’s response was almost instant. ‘Do u want me 2 take u to teh nurse ?’

Benny smiled. Rory had a… unique. way of typing. ‘nah bro i know there the nurse is’ Send. And then he added ‘thanks tho’

The only thing that was worse than sitting locked in a bathroom stall because you didn’t know if the entire school knew you were a crossdresser was sitting locked in a bathroom stall because you didn’t know if the entire school knew you were a crossdresser who was having unwanted romantic fantasies about your best friend. 

Which was exactly what was happening. Between imagining what he would tell the cashier after school today and considering just going home, thoughts of Rory kept popping in. He wanted Rory to hold him. Comfort him. Run his fingers through Benny’s wig and tell him that everything would be fine. He wanted Rory to look up at Benny and kiss him. To make him feel loved. 

Dressing up as Betty was destroying him. It was confusing him and causing him to do things

he knew he was setting himself up to regret. But. How badly he wanted to dress up. To be a girl. To be his girl.

Chapter Text

Benny ended up leaving the bathroom once the bell to end class rang.

He looked around as he walked through the halls. No one looked at him funny. No one pointed and laughed. He sat through the rest of the day, and no one said a thing about Betty other than Rory.

At the end of the day, he knew what he had to do. He didn’t wait around for Ethan. He went straight home, grabbed his bag of girl stuff, and hopped in his grandma’s truck. He couldn’t risk biking because he wanted to be able to park nearby and change in the car. He had to rip the bandaid off.

His wig was on. His makeup, his outfit. This…costume… He entered the store, the bell jingling as he walked in. He hoped the person he needed to see was even here. He looked around nervously, walking further into the store when he didn’t see her at the checkout line. Eventualy, he saw her taking a snack-sized bag of chips off a short shelf and opening it, popping a chip in her mouth. He had to do this. Come on, Benny, you can do this. You have to do this now. Deep breath. One more. Walk over to her.

“I have to tell you something.”

“Oh, Betty. Didn't expect to see you here so.. early.”

“It's not Betty,” Benny admitted taking a deep breath. “I- I'm not Betty. I'll never be. Because I’m… I’m not a-”

“Betty?” the voice came from behind her- him. And instantly he cringed, all his muscles tensing as he turned, finding himself face to face with his very own little devil.

“Rory….” He tried to laugh. Rory stared at him with those big.. huge.. adorable puppy eyes.

“I haven’t seen you in ages!” Rory shouted, never good at controlling his volume. He grabbed Benny— Betty? He grabbed his hand, causing him to tense, the store worker noticing Benny’s tension coming instantly between them.

“Is he bothering you?”

“N-.. no, he’s uh..”

Benny didn’t get to finish constructing his thoughts, the woman smirked, turning to Benny. “Oh. Ohh… Is this your man?”

The two gave very different responses.

“What? N- no.” Benny shook his head, but at the same time, Rory smiled dreamily, getting that light look in his eyes.

“Yeah…” Rory trailed, a smiley note in his voice.

Benny lunged forward, grabbing Rory. Pulling him down to stop him from floating away.

“Well, if he’s not your man,” The older began, “you’d better tell him that, cause clearly he thinks he is.”

Benny’s entire face felt hot. He felt a warmth spread all throughout his body. God, this was so embarrasing. Why did Rory have to be here at the exact same time as him. “What are you.. What are you doing here?” Benny asked, trying extra hard to push his voice to be as girly as possible.

“I always come here to grab snacks,” Rory held up a bag of marhsmallows. The worker behind Benny nodded, smirking.

“He can be an incredibly helpful little thing. So sometimes I give him a,” She shrugged, “Y’know. Five-finger discount. Compensation for his help.”

Benny didn’t know much about this woman. She wouldn’t tell him her name and was— really mysterious. But if he knew anything about her, he knew what that meant. She was letting him steal things (or stealing things for him) from the store. It was.. kind of cool of her, really.

“What are you doing here?” Rory asked, beaming as he once again took Benny’s hand in his own, he seemed so… happy… to just be able to hold Betty’s hand, “I thought you moved away.”

“Oh! Well, I, uh ! Did! I moved. I’m just. in town. visiting. Rory’s eyes got big. Well bigger than they already were. By this point, the store worker had shifted away from the teenagers, giving them more freedom to talk.

“Do you think we could. Hang out sometime? You and me? How long will you be here.” Benny took a breath. Once again, he felt hot. Was Rory asking him on a date? Why did he want so badly for Rory to be asking him on a date? Why were his knees feeling weak? Why did he want to kiss Rory as much as he did. God.

He looked behind him for the support of the ravenette cashier, but she had returned to her post at the cash register. “I.. I won't be here very much longer. Just a few more days.” He lied, laughing nervously, “What kind of hanging out do you want to do?”

“Anything!” Rory jumped, smiling at Benny. At who he thought was Betty. He looked at the other with such a love filled gaze that Benny was hit with a pang of guilt. The only reason Benny hadn't retired the female look as soon as Ethan did was Rory. He wanted to give Rory a girlfriend so bad even knowing he couldn't. He'd gotten so caught up in the feeling of being a girl for himself, he'd forgotten how much Rory needed Betty. How much Rory loved Betty. Betty loved Rory too.

He slid a hand up to Rory's cheek, cringing internally. What if Rory realized his hands weret’t as… soft and girly as a girl’s hands were meant to be. Rory didn't seem to notice though. He smiled all the same, looking like the happiest puppy alive. Benny realized he was waiting for an answer.

“Well… I don't know Whitechapel all too well-”

“We could go to the arcade or to the ice cream parlor or to the cafe or to my house or to-”

“Wherever you wanna go, Ror,” Benny smiled, the idea of a date with Rory making his stomach flutter with butterflies.

“Okay!! We can- uh- go to the.. ice cream parlor? When do you want to go? Today?”

“Uhm!” A part of him really, really did. But. He also knew that if he wasn't going to be ripping the bandaid off now, not going to this.. whatever it was,would mean missing what might be his only chance to experience… whatever he was going to go experience. Rory would still be more than willing to go out with Betty any other day. “How about Saturday?” He asked, trying to bat his eyelashes at him.

“Hhyeah, sure, I'm open then!” Rorys eyes looked a Bett impossibly wide. “When do you wanna go? Where are you staying since you don't live here anymore?”

“Uh-! Doesn't matter, let's just… meet here- or- there! Lets meet there! At the ice cream parlor. At.. say… 2?”

“In the morning or afternoon?” Rory asked, as if the ice cream parlor was even open at two in the morning.

“In the afternoon, little devil” Benny smiled, patting Rory’s cheek. Oh how badly he wanted to say ‘I love you.’ How badly she wanted to keep his face in her hands. How badly she wanted to kiss him.

Slowly leaning forward, not even really registering what was happening, Benny found his lips at the tip of Rory’s nose. A moment of what felt like evil clarity hit. A devil on his shoulder asking him how the hell he- THE Benny Weir- ended up in a skirt and wig and makeup, in a nearby 24/7 store, kissing Rory on the nose. He didn’t want to hear it. He shut that thought out and then backed up from the kiss.

“Alright, sweet devil. I have to go now.”

“Oh! I can walk you home!” Rory offered, “And make sure you stay safe!”

“I. uh…. no.” Benny said, panicking mentally and wishing that the worry didn’t show through in his voice. If Rory so much as walked outside, he would recognize Grandma’s truck! Benny had to think fast. Could the cashier distract Rory maybe? How would he tell the cashier without risking Rory overhearing. He took a deep breath, backing away from Rory. “Alright. I’m leaving now. Bye.” He tried to laugh nervously. Tried.

“Bye Betty,” Rory smiled. He sounded like he was in a dream, and didn’t move a muscle as Benny kept backing up until he turned to the Cashier’s station.

“Can you distract Rory? While I leave?” He glanced back nervously to find Rory still standing in the same place. Still looking like he was in a dream, he looked back to the cashier. “Please? I’m. I’m just a little worried he might try to follow me home.”

The cashier nodded. “Rory! Get over here. I need your help with something,” She then winked at Benny. “You go ahead, girl. See you at six?” Benny nodded before walking out the door. He sat down in his grandmas truck, dropped his head into his hands, and sighed loudly.

‘Why are you still doing this?’ he asked himself as he pulled off his wig and grabbed a makeup wipe from his bag. ‘STILL leading him on? Come on, at this point, you are hurting him.’

“I know!” He snapped, slamming a fist on the console, now even more upset because now even his consciousness was bothering him.

‘What are you going to do about it?

Benny didn’t know.

‘Why did you kiss him?’

Benny didn’t know.

He wiped his face clean of makeup, staring at himself in the mirror. ‘Why can’t you just be normal?’

“I don’t know!” He gripped his steering wheel, trying to calm himself down. The drive home was heavy-footed.

He changed back into his clothes in the parking lot of his grandma’s carrying his bag of girly stuff back into his house. He checked the time. It wasn’t even four yet.

He opened and closed the front door silently, expecting to have to give a trillion apologies to his grandma in an attempt to not end up grounded, but when he came in, he found her asleep on the couch. Maybe he’d be okay.

Before he could even get to his room. He got a text

Rory.

‘Dude ! u’ll NEVER geuss who I saw 2day!!’

‘guess*’

Benny sighed. It was a content, somewhat amused sigh. He had a feeling he knew what Rory was going to say.

‘who?’ he responded, heading into his room. He had a few hours to pick out an outfit, do his makeup, and probably play some video games.

He phone buzzed again.

‘Betty!!!!! It was Betty!!!!!! And oh man’

‘She kissed me!!’

Benny recalled finding himself leaned into Rory, pressing a lips into his nose. Thinking about the moment made him feel blushy. God, he felt like a schoolgirl.

‘She did?’

‘oh man it was AWESOME’

With a smile, Benny kept texting with Rory. Asking him about Betty. It was the most involved he’d ever been with Rory’s whole Betty talk. The shield of his his phone screen allowing him to giggle and cover his face and react in all sorts of ways while also getting ready to go out. His hair and his makeup and a cutesy outfit. Soon enough, it was time to go.

Betty set her bike next to the porch and went to knock on the door. She- he had to prepare himself for what would behind this door. Girls. What would he do if they realized he wasn't one of them? A month ago he would have gone in, no hesitations. A lot had changed in a month. Too much had changed in a month. Benny wasn’t even himself anymore. At least, he didn’t feel like himself anymore.

He couldn’t do this. He should just leave. And he was gonna. But then the door opened.

“Girl, do you not know how to knock on a door?”

“Wh.. I..” Benny just stood there, not knowing what to say. The woman in front of him looked more dressed up than usual. Her face seemed.. paler than usual. Was that makeup? Her eyeshadow was more colourful- still dark- but now sporting purples. She wore a black crop top that was a little tight on her, and some short shorts with some.. something that looked like a net underneath.

“Get in here” She urged, opening the door so Benny would walk in. “You a vampire or something?” She chuckled a little and Benny, walking into the building, wondered if she understood the irony of the statement. He hadn’t even made it completely into the house yet when a voice all too familar shot through the air.

“Oh my god, Benny?”

Benny looked down. No. No theres- There’s no way, it couldn’t be her. Anyone but her, please.

“Erica, her name is Betty. I invited her over.”

Upon hearing the name of the blonde, he shut his eyes. He was so beyond fucked, Erica was going to kill him. He felt her rush over, standing off with the raven haired cashier. “That thing goes to my school. And he’s a massive perv, he’s probably just here to gawk at us.”

“Erica.” The cashier’s voice sounded stern.

“Syd!” Erica responded, sounding upset

Benny opened his eyes, looking at Erica. Syd? The cashier’s name was Syd?

Syd grabbed Benny’s arm, pulling her- him closer. “Her name is Betty.” Syd repeated. “She is a girl and I invited her. She doesn’t have very many friends who are girls. Now how is she going to navigate her transition with no girls in her life?”

“WHAT?” Erica shouted, before turning to Benny. “You’re telling me you’ve been a girl this whole time and you DIDN’T tell me?”

“Wh.. I.. I am?” Benny looked up to the ravenette- Syd- for guidance.

“Oh you poor thing.” Syd said, pinching Benny’s cheek. “You know even less than I thought you did.”

Benny looked at her. Clearly confused, but something inside of Benny felt… so.. Perfect? And surprisingly enough, it was thanks to Erica.

Erica knew Benny was a boy. She knew what Benny looked like- and acted like- outside of the wig and costume. And yet, here she was, asking Benny if he’d been a girl the whole time. Like that was a decision Benny could have just… made. Like he could just decide to be a girl.

“I’m… a girl..?” Benny asked. He was directed towards the couch. The inside of the building was dark and had quite gothic decor. One of the Dusk movies was playing on the static-y box tv. There were three other girls in the room, he’d never seen any of them before, but they all smiled at him. They were there, but they were also giving him space. And it felt nice.

One of the girls, a redhead, leaned forward, took Benny’s hand in hers. “Think about it. Close your eyes if you need to, listen to your heart. Are you a boy?”

Benny closed his eyes. He didn’t want to be a boy. He never did. Distant memories played in his mind. As a child he tried to convince his dad that he was a girl. That he should also get to have long hair and wear pretty clothes. It was something Benny had forgotten about. His dad had taught him how to be a man. How to act. And that there was a difference between boys and girls.

Ever since Benny was little he had wanted to be a girl. But that didn’t make him a girl. He opened his eyes. “I-”

“Sometimes people are born in the wrong body.” a different girl interupted him. She had long brown hair and a soft voice. She scooted a little closer to Benny. “My brother was. When he was born everyone thought he was a girl. He looked like a girl. He had.. girl parts. When he hit puberty he realized he wasn’t a girl. Not in his mind. Is that you, Betty? A girl in your mind? Stuck in a body that doesn’t fit?”

oh.

Ow.

“That’s.. a thing?” Benny asked. His voice breaking. “I’m not.. the only one?”

Syd came to Benny’s side and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “No, girl. You aren’t the only one.”

“I’m.. a girl..” It was so quiet. So hesitant that Benny didn’t know if it was true. He looked at the girls all around him. They all seemed so sad for him, but also so.. hopeful. There was hope.

“One more time.” Syd urged. “Like you believe it.”

He took a deep breath, preparing himself. “I’m a girl.” She repeated A little louder, this time. A little more confident. It felt a lot better. She felt supported. And it felt true.

Betty had the time of her life. She learned so much. That she was a transgender woman and that she wasn’t the only one. That there was a community for people like her. The girls taught her different ways she could style her wig and mused about different haircuts she could get as she grew out he natural hair, which Betty said she did want to do.

Erica painted her nails pretty shades of pinks and blues and put cute little gems and striped designs on them. “If you pick this off of your nails, I’ll kill you.” she threatened, and Betty couldn’t tell if she was joking or not.

While two of the other girls were working on pedicuring each other, and the third was in the kitchen rummaging for a snack, Syd slipped next to Erica and Betty. Erica putting ‘top coat’ on Betty’s nails.

“Bets, I’m sorry about Erica. I forgot she was even still in school. These other girls live in the next town over.”

“Its.. Its okay.” Betty smiled nervously at Erica, hoping that this could- maybe be the start of a new friendship. She didn’t have anything against Ethan but- Syd was right. Betty wanted girl friends— like, friends that were girls, not.. you know.

No, when it came to that, Betty knew who she wanted.. But- its not time to think about that. Let’s enjoy getting to really be a girl for the moment.

“Betty and I are going to be good friends from here on out.” Erica smiled at Syd, and Syd glanced to Betty for a moment before nodding and walking away.

“We are?”

“Of course! You may be a… geeky girl, but hey,” She looked around before leaning in further and whispering. “But I was there too once,” backing up, she continued “And besides, I’d hate for your transition to take you from not to not. You deserve to have a hot arc. And no one else is going to help you.”

Betty frowned a little. She thought she had been pretty attractive as a boy, but it wasn’t surprising that Erica didn’t think so.

“Uh.. Thank you?” Betty smiled nervously, looking down. Despite Erica’s Backhanded? Helpfulness? Betty really did feel right. What was going around her? Girls and painted nails, it was something she would need to get used to, definitely, but it was warm and happy. She felt perfect. She liked this. She liked being seen as a girl.

Chapter Text

Being a girl had changed Benny.

No- no. Being a girl had changed Betty.

Dressing up in a wig and pretty skirt and finally having an excuse to put makeup on like she always wanted to didn’t make her a girl. Being a girl was what made her a girl. Things were going to change- but- for the better.

Betty was going to finally get to be herself.

The weight that had been lifted from her shoulders upon having someone- Erica- to confide in was. Healing. They hadn’t told anyone else yet. Not even Ethan. But having Erica there for her was everything.

Erica was in Betty’s room, brushing her wig. There was faint pop music in the air. She’d explained that, while girls could like all styles of music, it was important to re-explore pop as a newly discovered woman.

“Are you sure you don’t want to get rid of any of this.. dork stuff?” She asked, eyeing a Lego model of a fighter jet.

Betty shook her head. “Just because I’m a girl now doesn’t mean I have to stop liking this stuff” She stopped and looked at Erica, “does it?”

Erica rolled her eyes, and for a moment the sound of her brush through Betty’s wig stopped. “I wish it did. But if you wanna be a weird geek girl then I can't stop you. Good luck finding a boyfriend though.”

“Why would that make it harder? If I like the same kinda stuff he likes then..” Betty trailed, not exactly sure how to word what she wanted to say.

Erica opened her mouth to say something but then paused in her tracks. “Oh my god. Betty. If you're about to tell me you're into ETHAN, I will HURL”

The thought of getting with Ethan made Betty feel a little sick. “No-no I. Uhh. Ethan- he's like a brother to me. It's not him.”

Erica took a breath, seeming to calm down. “Been officially a girl for, what? A day? And you're already putting boys in the brother zone! I'm proud of you.”

Her smile was so genuine, Betty was happy to have made her proud. “What's brother zone?”

“Exactly how you feel about Ethan. He's so deep in the friend zone he might as well be your brother. Now. If boys aren’t really your thing, being into women is still valid,” She said, almost singsongy, “But we are really going to have to undo years worth of social conditioning on that one. Cause you can’t keep acting the way you used to.”

Betty’s eyebrows furrowed. She thought she always had quite the charm when it came to the ladies. And then there was the fact that— she probably wouldn’t mind still getting with a girl.. but… if she was a girl… there was a specific guy that.. she at least wanted to at least give a chance.

“Oh my god.” Erica interrupted her thoughts. “It’s Rory.”

Betty didn’t say anything, but she had to hold back a smile and she could feel the heat rising to her face, and that definitely confirmed Erica’s suspicion.

“Ewww!” Erica playfully pushed Betty over. “No! You can do so much better than that. You aren’t THAT not.”

“I think he’s cute..”

“Ew, maybe if you find newborn mole-rats cute.”

“He’s sweet.”

Erica made a face. She couldn’t really disagree with that one. “I just would really hate to put in all the work it’s going to take to make you hot for you to get with him I mean come on.”

Betty paused everything, remembering something important. “…Erica?”

“What is it now?”

“I was supposed to have a date with Rory. Like. Today.” She checked the time. “In a couple of hours.”

“I don’t even want to KNOW how you got into this predicament,” Erica said, rummaging through a bag of stuff she had brought for Betty and pulling out multiple makeup palettes. “You’re lucky I’m fast.”

Betty felt.. pretty. Maybe a little too pretty. Erica had done her makeup up and gave her a shirt that was ‘supposed to feel tight.’

Betty looked at herself in the mirror. If previous her could see her now, she knew he would be all over her. But, for some reason, on her, it didn’t feel right. She felt more like Erica than like herself.

“Can I wear a jacket?” She asked, turning back to Erica, who she couldn’t see in the reflection of the mirror.

“Obviously, not,” Erica said, Her arms crossed as she admired her work.

“What if it gets cold?”

“Then you ask Rory for his,” Erica scoffed as if this was common knowledge.

“Rory doesn’t wear a jacket.”

“And if he doesn’t wear one for your first date, he’s not a true gentleman. Now chop chop, you’ve got places to be.”

Betty sighed but nodded. “Thanks Erica… for everything.”

“Anytime. Now, I know it’s early, but, when do you want to come out to everybody?”

Betty paused, about to scratch her face when she remembered all the makeup Erica had caked on. He didn’t know. He wanted to be out. To his grandma and Ethan and Rory at least. But she didn’t know how they’d take it.

“Betts, you know if your dork ass friends are mean about it, I’ll punch their faces in.”

Betty nodded, she knew. “Monday?” She asked. “Just— just Ethan. I’ll.. tell Rory tonight. And.. we can work from there?”

“Perfect.” Erica smiled, “Now go get that.. sad… pathetic and lame excuse of a man.”

Betty rolled her eyes at Erica’s description of Rory. She didn’t care what Erica thought of him, she’d learned to see Rory for all of his boyfriendable traits.

Betty did not come out to Rory. She couldn’t get the words across- or figure out how.

Their date was amazing. Rory was already there when Betty came in, the cold air of the ice cream parlor already shivering her to her bone. Rory had called out to her and stood- maybe a little too close- but it was fine. Betty liked him that close,

“What kind of ice cream do you want?” Rory asked Betty. His hand not so subtly working its way into a hold with hers. She smiled, squeezing his hand lightly. She wanted to tell Rory right then. She wanted to pop the barrier that holding this secret kept between them. To tell Rory she was Benny, but she wasn’t anymore. And also to tell Rory she wanted to be with him. But she couldn’t. Something was holding her back. And Rory was looking at her so expectantly.

She stepped towards the ice cream bar. Benny had a regular, but Betty was a new person. She wanted to try something new. A Red Velvet ice cream stuck out to her. Maybe because it was red. “Yeah, I want this one.”

“Okay!” Rory said, fishing his wallet from his pocket.

“You don’t have to pay for mine,” Betty said, pulling her own wallet from the purse Erica had given her.

“I gotta.” Rory defended, “It’s gentlemanly.”

“I have money, Rory.”

“I make more money than I know what to do with- seriously- I’ll buy the ice cream.”

Betty supposed that money may have been a little less useful for a vampire. She put her wallet away. “Okay.”

They ordered their icecreams and Betty let Rory pay. This felt amazing. Like a dream come true.

“We should sit outside.” Rory offered

“Why?”

“Cause you’re shivering.”

Betty felt her heart melt. Rory had been paying enough attention to her to see how cold she looked. She nodded.

They sat outside, Rory in the shade of an umbrella and Betty in the warmth of the sunlight. She knew her feelings for Rory were growing. She hoped he would accept her for what she was.

“Can I have one try of yours?” Rory asked, looking at Betty with.. such cute little puppydog eyes. Betty smiled and held her ice cream into the shade where Rory was.

“Yours is yummy! I should have got that, maybe,” He licked some of the remainder from his lips. “You wanna try mine?”

“Why not?” Betty ducked into the shade to try some of his. Rory moved his cone at the same time, effectively pushing his ice cream onto Betty’s nose. “Rory!” she giggled.

“Oh! Sorry!” he reached forward, wiping the ice cream off Rory’s nose.

Rory waited until Betty had finished her ice cream to ask for another taste. “Rory, it’s all gone.” But Rory pushed forward. His lips connecting to Betty’s. Her eyes widened and then closed. She’d imagined a moment like this countless times and yet. This was better. So much better.

When Rory pulled away, he licked his lips, as if trying to savour the flavour. Betty watched the small moment of confidence drain from Rory. “Ok. Well. Uhh- uhhh… I’m. I’m going home now. Bye, Betty!” Then he zipped off, leaving Betty alone in the parlor’s outdoor area. She needed to be getting home too. She smiled down at herself as she threw away the napkins left behind and then went to get her bike from the rack.

Betty had been home for a while. Looking through the hand-me-down clothes Erica had brought her and seperating them into piles of things she could see herself wearing and things that were just… too Erica. Her phone buzzed. Lately, the only person who’d been texting her had been Rory, so she wasn’t expecting the notification to be from Erica.

‘how’d it go?’

Remembering the date brought a fluttery, warm feeling. She smiled to herself, remembering the way Rory’s lips felt on hers.

‘amazing’

‘Did you tell him?’

Shit.

She had tried to. She wanted to! She just. She couldn’t get it out, she didn’t know how to say what she wanted to say.

‘I… tried?’

Erica took a couple of minutes to respond.

‘It's ok. When you’re ready’ ‘How was the date?’

Betty recounted the events of her date. Primarily, Rory kissing her before running off. She felt fluttery just thinking about it.

‘ewgh... you let it KISS you’

Betty rolled her eyes at Erica’s less-than-enthusiastic response.

‘I did and I liked it.’

‘Gross… Y’know before you transitioned you had better taste. In women.’

‘Before I transitioned I still liked Rory’

‘Oh. So its just something wrong with you then’

Betty tried to fight the smile on her face. Erica’s friendly bullying making her feel more accepted than offended. Like friendly girl banter. But she didn’t know how to respond to the message. Plus she was getting tired. The day’s excitement had worn her out. ‘I’m going to bed. Goodnight.’

‘night’

Betty put her phone on her nightstand, wondering how the process of breaking the news to her friends would go. She was eager to tell them, but her nerves also shook.

She wondered how Ethan would take it. He was her best friend, she was sure he would accept her through anything, but the sudden knowledge your best friend was a girl? Betty didn’t know what she’d do if she were a boy and it was Ethan coming to her with that information. She’d probably think it was some kind of joke. She probably wouldn't take him seriously. Not in the beginning, at least. Now she found herself pacing back and forth in front of the bathroom waiting for Erica to come out and praying that Ethan was a better friend than she was. Praying that Ethan would understand and not say something that would make her feel worse.

Erica came out of the bathroom. “Ready to tell your dork?”

“I’m nervous.” Betty gave a fearful smile. She didn’t look like Betty today. Or feel like Betty. No, she looked and felt like Benny. And it was a weirdly upsetting reality to come back to after a weekend of really being made to feel like a girl.

Erica reached forward, clipping something into Betty’s hair. She reassured Betty as she did so, “Everything will be fine. Your little dork friends will still like you.”

“I hope so..”

“If they don’t then they aren’t worth the time spent. I promise you. Now look how cute you are.” She pulled out her phone to show Betty via camera the hairclips she’d put in her hair. They were red and shaped like triangles. Betty liked them. She thought they were pretty. She just didn’t know how she felt about them being on her when she looked like this. She didn’t feel like she was feminine enough to deserve them.

“Won’t people look at me funny?”

Erica raised an eyebrow, “Since when do you care about people looking at you funny.”

Offended, Betty opened her mouth, managing to stammer out a “Since ALWAYS??”

“Well, you’re going to have to get over that because people look at women funny no matter what. You should be used to getting looked at funny by now.”

“Okay!- Okay. Let.. go tell Ethan now. Please.”

“Sure.”

They found Ethan at his locker. Rory wasn’t with him. That probably made things easier, after Saturday’s date, coming out to Rory was going to require some extra care.

“Hey, E?” Betty began. Ethan shut his locker and turned to her.

“Yeah?” He asked, but his eyes landed on Erica almost suspiciously, like he didn’t trust her, which Betty couldn’t really blame him for.

“I have something to.. tell you.” Betty looked to the side of Ethan’s head. She felt unable to look him in the eyes, God, why was this so hard?

Erica stepped forward, “Do you want me to tell him?” She asked, and Betty shook her head no. She had to do this herself.

Ethan made a face that was hard to read. He opened his mouth and just left it like that for a moment before asking: “Are you two... together?”

“Ew- EW! Gross, no! Absolutely not... Eww.” Erica cringed and grimaced, taking steps backwards and fake gagging, just overall making an absolute scene

“Wow. Thanks for the support, Erica.” Betty said, somewhat sarcastically. She took a deep breath, using Erica’s distraction to convince herself to push the words out.

“ImactuallyagirlandIknowitseemslikeajokebutimsuperseriousaboutthispleasedonthateme?”

“…What.”

It felt hot—way, way too hot. And Betty really didn’t want to repeat herself. She looked at Ethan and then pulled her eyes away. Could she do it?

She stared at the ground, “I’m a girl now, Ethan. I always have been. I.. want to be open about it now.”

Ethan laughed. He thought it was a joke. Betty took a deep breath. She knew she would have done the same thing.

“You? A girl?” Ethan took a breath, calming himself. “Benny I think anyone who identified as anything remotely feminine would treat women better than you do.”

That was fair. It hurt to hear but.. it was true. Betty had been trying too hard when she was Benny to copy the patterns her dad had taught her. She was a bother to women and they tended not to like her. It was a valid reason for Ethan to think she was joking.

“Hey. Dork. Last time I checked. Sarah wasn’t here to save you, so unless you want to be on the floor writhing in pain, you’d better take YOUR best friend a little more seriously.”

Ethan’s eyes widened. He looked between Erica and Betty. “You’re serious?”

“Fuck yeah, she’s serious.”

Ethan looked apologetic. “I.. Sorry, B- or. Uh.. Name?”

“I like.. Brittany…” Betty mumbled, looking down. “I mean, Erica and Syd call me.. Betty, you know. But maybe Brittany could be my actual name?”

“Okay. I’m sorry.. uh.. Brittany. I shouldn’t have laughed at you. That was wrong of me. If. If you’re a girl I. You’re still my friend, man- uh- chick!- uh.. Betty.”

Betty smiled, “Thanks E.” She knew it would take Ethan some getting used to. It would take her some getting used to. She took a deep breath. Ethan knew now. And everything was okay, the world still spun. Her next task.. That one would be more difficult.

“Have you seen Rory?”

Rorikins

The word was crumpled and thrown in the trash.

Yup, another letter. Betty just. Couldn't do it. She couldn't walk up to Rory unprepared and tell him that. She had to prepare herself. To think of what she was going to say. How was she going to expose this lie? She wasn't going to reveal it over the letter, just. Ask him to hang behind after school, that was all.

There was no reason for writing a letter to be this hard. It took her thirty minutes and six sheets of paper to get what she wanted to say.

To my Rorikins,

I must confess that our date on Saturday was even better than I ever could have imagined. You bring me such joy, Rory. But just as there is a darkness in you, I have my own secrets.

I’d like to reveal them to you now.  Today. After school. If you’ll have them.

You may not want anything to do with me after you find this out. That would be valid. You don’t have to come if you fear the outcome. Meet me in the auditorium after school if you’re willing.

Your angel, always

-Betty

He’d shown up. Betty couldn’t believe he’d shown up and he was there. Betty watched from the wing as Rory walked into the house of the auditorium. Looking through seats. Her heart was beating. Way too fast. It was a blessing that Rory, with his superhuman senses and predatory instinct, didn’t hear it. Betty took a deep breath and stepped out onto the stage.

“Yo! Benny! What are you doing here?” Rory asked as he climbed up onto the stage.

“I gotta tell you something, Ror..”

“Woah! Everyone has news for me today! First Betty and now yo-”

“No. Rory. It’s.. It's the same news. From both of us.”

Rory opened his mouth. “Ohhhhhhh. She got too nervous so she sent you instead?”

“I’m her.”

“What?”

Betty squeezed her eyes shut. She hated it. She hated it so badly that she had to reveal this to Rory. That she might lose him. That he might not even want to be her friend anymore. “I’m Betty, Rory. I’ve been Betty this whole time. We dressed as Betty to stop Stephanie and- and… I’m transgender. I’m a girl. I.. I’ve been a girl this whole time. I’m sorry I led you on.”

“So my best friend is also my girlfriend? Sick!”

Betty opened her eyes to find Rory smiling the hugest smile he’d ever seen on him. It made her feel warm inside. “Wait. Girlfriend? Rory, we aren’t-”

“Dating?” Rory interrupted, “But… we could be. Couldn’t we?”

Chapter Text

“We could be. Couldn’t we?”

Was this it? Was it happening? Did Rory really not care that he’d been lied to and led on? Did he not care that Betty was trans? Did he love her that much? So many questions flew through Betty’s mind, that she didn’t know what to say. Her mouth was agape.

“Betty..” Rory continued. “I know you probably.. need space and. And time. But. Would you.. at least.. consider being my girlfriend. I promise I’ll love you all the same.”

She swallowed heavily. And then smiled. and then walked to Rory and cupped his face in her hands. “Even if I don’t look like a girl?”

“I’d say you make for a pretty convincing girl. But, even when you aren’t dressed up. You’re still beautiful in my eyes.”

“God, Ror, you’re so corny.” She smiled.

“I try.” He smiled back.

“I love you.” She admitted. And it felt amazing to finally get it off of her chest. She loved Rory. She could say it a million times over.

“I love you too,” Rory smiled, his face still cupped in Betty’s hands, “So is that a yes?”

“Yes, Rorikins. A million times yes.” She kissed his nose and then paused, moving her hands to then grab his chin and angle him upwards for a kiss. His lips were soft. She felt him raise higher and higher until they were the same height. She held him there, knowing his feet weren’t even touching the ground. She broke the kiss and set him gently back on the ground.

“Woaghhh,” Rory seemed lightheaded.

“Jeez, Rory, you don’t have to look at me like I’m a goddess.”

“But you are. You’re so pretty.”

“Rory, I’m not even.. pretty right now. I look like Benny. With a clip in his hair.”

“It’s a cute clip,” Rory noted, reaching up to play with it, “Besides, who’s to say I didn’t find Benny cute?”

“What?” Betty asked, feeling an odd tingle through her chest.

“I think you’re cute both ways,” Rory dropped his hand from Betty’s hair and shrugged, “I mean. I never thought I had a chance with- like- you. Cause, you’re my best friend and all that. But I liked Betty because she looked so much like you in the.” He reached forward, gesturing towards Betty’s entire face. “That area. And also cause she’s super sweet and nice and..” Rory took a deep, satisfied breath. “I like her even more now that I know she’s you. Cause now I already know that me and my girlfriend are going to agree on whens a good time to play video games and are fights are going to be over things like.. which ninja turtle’s better.”

“The fact that you can’t see that Ralph is objectively the coolest ninja turtle will never cease to amaze me.” Betty smiled

“Because he isn’t! Mikey is CLEARLY the cooler one here!”

“Which one do you want?” Rory asked, setting the two jackets out onto the bed for her to choose between. Betty, dressed nicely in a pink turtleneck with her makeup and wig all in place, pointed towards Rory’s red and black jacket with a smile. Not only was it the one Rory had worn more recently, but it was also the one Betty associated less with Rory. The blue and black jacket was iconic to the Rory Keaner look and yet he never wore it anymore. Now he had to.

Rory tossed the red one to his girlfriend who caught it and slid it on. She noticed her blonde smiling goofily at her.

“What is it? Is there something on me? Oh, god, Rory, get it!” The jackets had been in Rory's closet for so long, Betty worried there were spiders in them. But Rory just shook his head.

“You look pretty in red”

She couldn't help but smile at her dork of a boyfriend. “I really hope this isn't some… surprisingly cute way of saying you want to see me in a puddle of blood or something.”

She watched Rory swallow. “No, its- well I mean- no! It's. When I first met.. you- as Betty.. the cheer uniforms were red and black too so. This is what I associate you with, I guess.”

That made sense. Betty, with Rory’s jacket on, pressed a kissed to his cheeks. Rory looked at her as though she were a goddeess, then he spoke

“A puddle of blood would be-”

“Rory!” Betty pushed Rory to shut him up. She didn’t like the thought.

“What? I didn’t say it had to be your blood!”

“Gross! Shut up! Let’s go, before we miss it!”

“Oh yeah!” Rory put his jacket on and for a second it was like nothing had changed between them. She forgot why her boyfriend had to wear a jacket in the first place. She forgot about the makeup and wig she was wearing. For a moment, they were the same them they’d been years ago. She almost caught herself asking him where his glasses were, but then he put on his sunglasses.

And she remembered how much had changed.

With a sigh, she reached out and took Rory’s hand. She was a girl. A girlfriend. And her boyfriend was a vampire. They’d gone from Star Wars geeks to a Dusk-like romance. Rory squeezed her hand.

Their first date took place on an old blanket, halfway under the shade of a tree.

Rory was under the tree, Betty leaning on his shoulder, was mostly in the sunlight. It was Rory’s idea, surprisingly, to go watch the sunset as a first date. Bett liked the idea. Quiet, peaceful, romantic. Nothing like either of them, but.. somehow symbolizing what their relationship would be. The romantic part, at least. Neither of them was good at pulling off the quiet and peaceful parts. Even now, during their romantic sunset scene, they were playfully pushing each other around, fighting like puppies.

Rory managed to grab Betty, they stared at each other in the last slivers of sunlight. Rory leaned in for a kiss.

“I love you, Betts.”

“I. I love you too, Rory.”

If there was anything better than being a girlfriend, it was being his girlfriend